#but i'm weak in the game so i haven't been able to see as many scenes as i wish

[lassieposting]

So in the wake of my post on Astarion and cptsd, have another concept I've been thinking about lately:

Tav/Durge (or an origin character, but I'm gonna use Tav because there are so many potential ships) using magic on him - with his permission, of course, they're not a complete monster - to help him cope with the symptoms.

I feel like there's a lot of potential here? But I haven't really seen anyone using it in fics, so. Here are some ideas I've been turning over.

Spells Tav Can Use On Astarion:

Calm Emotions: magically subdue intense emotions.

So.

I have a fond headcanon that while Astarion is still in survival mode during the game - the worst symptoms of his cptsd are on lockdown and he's mostly able to keep it together well enough to be functional and clear-headed - there is an incident where Tav sees him have a panic attack.

Like. Maybe they're attempting to sneak around patrolling guards in enemy territory, or edging around hostile wildlife in the Underdark. They're alone, the party split into two pairs with different tasks, and some threat is headed their way. They don't want to raise any alarms, so Tav drags Astarion back into a narrow crevice in the rock, or a chest loaded onto a supply wagon, or something, to hide until the threat has passed by.

And. Astarion has never mentioned that he's claustrophobic. He doesn't show weakness unless he's forced to, and at this point, he hasn't told Tav about being sealed in a tomb for a whole year. So the first they know of it is when they're crushed up against him in a cramped hiding spot and they realise he's shaking. They try to calm him, but his eyes have gone unfocused and glassy and he's starting to hyperventilate, a wounded animal noise brewing in his chest.

And Tav has to make a split second decision, because he's going to get them noticed. So they try to comfort him and instinctively cast Calm Emotions - and it works. It cuts the panic attack off, and once the threat is audibly moving away from them, they're able to emerge and carry on undetected.

He's angry, on and off for a while, that Tav used magic on him without his consent, even once he understands what they did and why. But the thing is, it did work. It helped him get his fear under control. So down the line, as they get closer, and he begins to really trust Tav, he agrees to them using that one on him when he really needs it, when he's crippled with the panic of 200 years' worth of obediently withstood torture sessions, when he feels like dying is the only way to escape the fear. They're both aware though that Calm Emotions is a deferral, not a cure - it won't help him work through the panic attacks, and it won't stop him having them.

Heroism: instill the caster or an ally with courage

I like to think Tav uses this one on him a few times as the group approaches the city, when he's fretting about being back within Cazador's reach. They're not ✨sleeping together✨, but they are sleeping together - he has an open invitation to share Tav's tent at night, just to cuddle and rest a little easier with someone he trusts close by to watch over him. They know he's scared, and they know he doubts the group's ability to protect him if Cazador tries to take him back. Heroism here is essentially a stand-in for anti-anxiety medication - it stops him ruminating on what-if scenarios the group is determined not to ever let happen.

Enthrall: capture the attention of a creature, making it look at you

Another one that could be useful in a panic attack situation, though it's far too similar to Cazador's control to ever use on him spontaneously - it would need to be something suggested, discussed and agreed upon while he was clearheaded, to see if it was useful for him. Making him focus on Tav stops him focusing on whatever is causing him to nosedive. It's the, "Astarion, hey, look at me, just focus on me, breathe with me," spiel taken to a level that actually yanks him out of his fear spiral when just their voice won't do it.

Dancing Lights: creates magical orbs of light that brighten an area

Sometimes, Astarion struggles to switch off and unwind at bedtime. The "trying to get to sleep" gap can be a fucking horror show when you have a condition like cptsd - everything goes quiet in preparation for sleep, so it's the perfect time for all your intrusive thoughts and ruminations and spiralling to dogpile you, the way it struggles to do when you're compulsively keeping busy in the daytime.

A Tav who can create Dancing Lights is essentially giving him Candy Crush. A mindless, no-complex-thought-required distraction that shuts up all those bad thoughts long enough for his eyes to start closing.

Light: makes an object shed light in a small area

He's not afraid of the dark. The dark is a vampire's natural habitat, after all. But he is, in the early days, sometimes afraid of what might be in the dark - he has nightmares of Cazador lurking around the outskirts of the camp, waiting to snatch him up. Shifting shadows against tent fabric can warp and twist into horrors to a groggy, fresh-from-a-nightmare mind. He would rather die again than ever ask Tav to magic him a nightlight. But if an object bespelled to cast a soft, grounding glow inside his tent happened to be left beside his bedroll, well, finders keepers and all that. Of course he uses the damn thing, darling, if he leaves it off for one night Gale will probably eat it.

Detect Thoughts: telepathically link to unprotected minds and hear the thoughts of targeted creatures while talking to them.

I like to think this mostly happens when he's struggling to express something and getting frustrated.

Sometimes, it's a vocabulary issue. Faerûn is a medieval-esque setting - Astarion doesn't have terms like "trigger" or "dissociation" or "flashback" to express what's going on in his head. He has to cobble together not-quite-right-but-close-enough explanations out of the words he does have, and that shit is hard.

Other times, it's because he's trying to recount a memory that gets stuck in his throat or between his teeth. Because he can't bear to voice the humiliation, or the dehumanization, or the violence that goes with it. Putting it to words makes it real in a way that he can't deal with anymore. He wants Tav to know what's distressing him, but he just...can't say it. He can't.

And once upon a time, he would've just shown them through the tadpole, but that's no longer an option, so Detect Thoughts it is. Tav can either hear him, or he can visualise the memory and show it to them - or flashes of it, anyway. And it can be a quiet understanding between them - no stumbling over his words, no tears, no shaking voice.

Hold Person: hold a target humanoid in place.

Paralyzing Ray: paralyzes the target.

Otiluke's Resilient Sphere: enclose a target in a sphere of shimmering force...blocking all incoming and outgoing damage

These wouldn't really come into play until months or even years postgame, once Astarion is safe and settled and finally processing all the horrors he's been through - if he has an era where the flashbacks are so vivid, he might not recognise Tav, or might even mistake them for Cazador or Godey. The era where, sometimes, through no fault of his own, he might be a danger to himself and others, Tav included. What's a fantasy protagonist to do with him, when he's beyond reason? Pop him in the rage cage - where he can't hurt himself or anyone else - until he comes back to himself.

Spells Tav Has Tried And Failed To Use On Astarion:

Cure Wounds: heal wounds through touch

Probably the first spell they ever try on him, and one he could've sorely benefited from. The extra impetus to start associating touch with pain relief instead of pain itself would've done him a lot of good. But, according to the wiki, undead are immune to virtually all healing spells, which is a deeply angsty bummer.

Sleep: make a conscious creature fall into a deep slumber

As a high elf, he's immune to sleep magic, but he gets the elven equivalent of night terrors, and days on end of broken rest will leave anyone drained and exhausted. Tav has absolutely offered to try and put him to "proper" sleep, a deep sleep, so he won't dream. I've never actually played dnd, so I don't know how much leeway there is here for creative interpretation of immunity, there are certainly ways you could be creative with it - maybe his fey ancestry protects him from being put to sleep specifically in an attack context, or from being put to sleep unexpectedly, or by unfamiliar and potentially hostile magic. Maybe, if he knows it's happening and his innate magic recognises the magic of the caster, he's able to lean into it. Like the difference between being shot from behind with a tranquilizer gun and popping an ambien before bedtime.

Also! These could even be scrolls! It amuses me to think of Tav popping over to the pharmacist Gale's tower in Waterdeep to get Astarion's monthly anxiety prescription scrolls of Calm Emotions

[uhohwhathaveidone]

Nah cause what if Sebastian x slytherin reader right where your helping in him in his quests but you get attacked and reader gets knocked out and he’s mad n protective

"I've only had reader for a few day bit if anything happens to them i will curse everyone in this room and then myself"

My Knight (S.S)

I hate spiders. That's a lie, I just don't like them if they're too close. Love peacock spiders though. So cute. Based off that alone, we're dealing with that one quest with the spiders. So, there's a warning for you, also I haven't been able to play the game still, my pc is still refusing, so do I know what's going on? No. Did I call the giant spider the BroodMother while only thinking about that horrible darkspawn from Dragon Age? Yes. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, I'm posting rather early so I might start on another request tonight. <3

     You sucked in a breath as you shouted another spell at the spiders that surrounded you, desperate to keep them away. You glanced over to Sebastian, who was shouting his own spells at the spiders. You quickly cast a protection spell as you sprinted over, kicking a smaller spider away from Sebastian’s legs. “They keep coming! What are we supposed to do?” You shouted, throwing Stupefy at a spider that jumped at you. Sebastian shouted, bumping into your back, causing you to stumble. You turned to him, trying to see what had happened, when your eyes widened.

     A giant spider crawled from a hole in the side of the cave, its long legs towering over you while causing the ground to tremble beneath you. Its eyes shined red as it slowly crawled over to you, letting out a screech that made your eardrums rattle. “It’s the Brood Mother! I think that’s what they call her?” Sebastian shouted, grabbing onto your arm, and pulling you towards him. You watched as the smaller spiders scurried away, afraid of their giant counterpart. You readied your wand as you watched her, narrowing your gaze as you looked for a weak point. Without warning she ran at you, nearly knocking you into a wall with her leg. You threw spell after spell at her, a mix of red and yellow emitting from your wand. Sebastian had gotten separated from you, attacking the giant spider from the other side of the cave.

     You didn’t have many spells at your disposal, so you turned to using spells to throw the giant rocks around you, knocking out one of her legs. You watched as she spun around, trying to pick a target, and you quickly shouted to Sebastian as you dodged an attack. “Go for her legs!” “Got it!” You continued to dodge attacks and cast spells at the spider, quietly begging for her to go down, as your arms got tired. You watched as Sebastian threw a decent-sized rock with his wand, hitting her in the head and sending hundreds of broken stones into her eyes, causing her to flail and spin in panic. You felt victory hover in the air as you sent another stone flying, hitting her in the head once again. She let out a final screech as she tumbled to the ground, legs going limp around her as she hit the stone.

     You breathed a sigh of relief as you looked over to Sebastian, who let out a triumphant cheer as he tried to catch his breath. You put your wand into your robe as you made your way over to him, stepping over rocks that broke off in your fight. You smiled as you reached him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright?” Sebastian nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, yeah. But I think spiders just made it to the top of the Bugs I Hate list.” You chuckled as you shook your head. “Spiders aren’t technically bugs, though. They’re like their own species.” You joked, watching as Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Whatever they are, I don’t like them in the slightest anymore.”

     “Does this mean that next time you see a spider, you’re going to ask me to kill it for you?” Sebastian scoffed, crossing his arms as he turned away from you, looking at some of the rocks that surrounded him. “Of course not. Just, don’t ask me to take care of one if its bigger than a Sovereign.” You laughed, noting the fact and looking around the cave. “Come look at this,” Sebastian said, waving his hand to you as you walked over. He held one of the stones in his hand, its surface shining in the soft light of a nearby torch. You leaned closer, examining the stone, as Sebastian watched you, a light blush creeping to his cheeks at the closeness. “It looks like quartz. Could this have been an old mine?” You asked, looking up at Sebastian as you leaned away, fixing your posture. Sebastian shrugged as he began to explain just how quartz mines worked to you. You listened, of course, no longer paying attention to your surroundings.

     Behind you, the giant legs of the spider twitched, slowly retracting to her body as she regained consciousness. Slowly, she used her front legs to move some rocks away from her eyes, rolling onto the ground. Your ears perked as you heard the rocks make contact with the ground, the hair on the back of your neck standing up and making you uneasy. You watched Sebastian as he continued to talk, glancing around you. The spider, now free of sharp stones, stood up, looking where the two of you stood. “It’s a wonder why so many old works of art weren’t taken down and recycled, could have used them, pity.” Sebastian said, tossing the stone back onto the ground. Alerted, the spider trained her eyes on you, preparing an attack. You looked over your shoulder to where you had left the spider, eyes widening as you realized your mistake. “What do you think about it all? Would it still-“ You cut Sebastian off as you grabbed the collar of his robe, yelling for him to move as you used the remaining strength you had left to pull him from where he was standing, sending him to the ground behind you as you watched the spider slam into the wall, right where he was originally standing.

     Sebastian let out a shriek as he watched the spider, one that he thought was dead, shake its head as it retracted from the wall. You quickly reached for your wand, casting a shield charm as a leg slammed down in front of you. “I thought we killed the thing?” Sebastian shouted, scrambling to his feet and pulling out his own wand. You shook your head, sending off a spell at its eyes. “Stupid! How did I not realize!” You shouted at yourself as you spun and grabbed Sebastian, running. “It was so obvious!” You continued, “She didn’t die like the other spiders, remember?” Sebastian nodded, trying to cast another spell at the spider. “This time, we fight until she’s on her back and curled up!”

     You gasped for air as you kept up your attack, throwing rock after rock at the spider as Sebastian unleashed his own onslaught. You struck one of its eyes with another rock, running to Sebastian as the spider spun once again. You ran faster as you saw one of its legs rise, beginning to bring it down, its target Sebastian. You yelled his name as you reached for him, casting a spell to push him back as the spider’s leg made contact, sending you flying back. Sebastian shouted your name, watching as you tumbled across the stones and finally coming to halt, your wand tossed beside you. There was no way to reach you as the spider continued its own attack, its sharp legs making dents in the stone below it. Sebastian was hit with an idea, and he quickly shouted at the spider, running around it. He found a boulder that had been split in half, and he raised his wand and sent it flying at the spider, slicing through one of its legs.

     “Accio!” Sebastian brought the leg towards him as he shouted for the spider’s attention. Both him and the spider were angered beyond reasoning, and the spider let out another screech as it stood taller, ready to tear into Sebastian, who only stood there. He smiled, watching as the spider straightened its legs, exposing the underside of its abdomen. Without hesitation, Sebastian launched the leg back to its owner, its sharp tip burrowing into the stiff exoskeleton, sending the spider to rear up as it screeched in pain, eventually falling backwards and twitching. Sebastian watched as it slowly died, making sure that it stayed dead, before turning to where you still laid, unmoving.

     “Y/n!” He breathed as he dropped to your side, turning you onto your back. His eyes widened as he held your head up, blood slowly trickling down into the small puddle that had formed under you. “No, come on! You can’t let a bug take you out!” He shouted, his shaking hands reaching for his wand as he racked his brain for a spell to heal your wound. The faint sound of scurrying legs sounded from the hall you walked through to get to where you were now, a small group of spiders quickly making their way over. “Not now, not now.” Sebastian whispered, tapping the wand to his head. Quickly, his eyes widened as a spell came to mind, and he quickly flipped his want and whispered “Episkey”. The gash on your head began to heal itself, the blood vanishing from your face and the ground. You were still out, however, and Sebastian lifted you from the group and brought you to the side of the cave, leaning you against its wall and standing in front of you, wand raised as the small spiders moved into the room.

     A few moments later the final spider rolled over, legs curling in as it died. Sebastian let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair as he looked around in case there were any more hiding around. You squinted, glancing around. Your head throbbed slightly as you brought your hand up, brushing against where the gash had been. You squinted as you looked at Sebastian’s silhouette, his shoulders raising and dropping quickly as he sucked in air. You smiled, looking around at the dead spiders. “Keep breathing like that,” you started, sitting yourself up more, “You’ll probably drop like those spiders.” Sebastian turned to you, a sigh of relief leaving him as he dropped his knee to take a look at you. “You’d find that funny, wouldn’t you?” You nodded, smiling. Sebastian grabbed your face, turning it to check your head. His calloused hand rested under your chin, gently moving your head around. “How’s your head, then?” He asked, letting you go. You shrugged, feeling the dull throb as it slowly faded. “I’m fine, thanks to you I suppose?” Sebastian smiled as he nodded, standing up and offering his hand.

     You looked over to where the mother laid, her legs retracted to her body as rigor mortis set in. You raised your eyebrows in surprise as you noticed one of its legs missing, finding it protruding from her body. You looked at Sebastian, surprised yet impressed as he shrugged. “Couldn’t let her take you out before I did.” You scoffed, slowly walking towards the spider. Sebastian quickly grabbed your sleeve as he pulled you away, shaking his head. “Look, I’m sure I can kill a giant bug. No need to double check.” You chuckled as you shook your head, opening your mouth. “No, don’t even! I’m going to call it a bug if I want to.” You closed your mouth, choosing to smile instead. You looked around for your wand, realizing that it wasn’t in your hand. Sebastian cleared his throat to get your attention, and you turned to see him holding your wand in his hand. You sighed, walking over and reaching for the wand, only for Sebastian to hold it above your head and out of reach. You frowned, narrowing your gaze as you glared at Sebastian. “I do believe I deserve something in return?” You shook your head as you leaned closer to Sebastian, placing a small kiss on his cheek and then snatching your wand from his hand.

     Sebastian stood there, shocked, as you fixed your robes. “Whatever would I do without you, my dear Knight?” Sebastian stuttered, quickly fixing his hair as his cheeks heated up. “Probably not get attacked by giant spiders, for one.” You nodded, placing your wand into your pocket. “Although,” Sebastian started, slowly walking over to you. “I don’t think a cheeky kiss is enough for the trauma I went through to protect you.” You chuckled, pretending to be deep in thought. “Of course, a killer of spiders should be given a better reward.” With that, you quickly leaned against Sebastian again, this time placing a soft kiss to his lips and walking towards the hall, turning back and waiting for Sebastian. He quickly followed you, slightly whining. “Are you even going to ask me how I did it?” “I figured you’d tell me on the walk back, you can never stay quiet about these things.” “I find that rude, but I suppose I’ll tell you.”

[michelle-ko-i]

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

Coriolanus Snow vs. the Underdogs

So a new trailer for the TBOSAS just dropped when I'm writing this, and I haven't really done many Hunger Games analyses. And I just want to say how important TBOSAS is for those who are either new to the series or don't get why Suzanne Collins wrote about this time in Snow's life. So I'm going to break it down for those who may not have seen these connections, or those who just don't get it in the first place. Also, this contains spoilers for the TBOSAS book, so go read it before the movie!

So, i've met many people who don't get why TBOSAS takes place when it does. if you're not aware, it takes place around the time of the 10th Hunger Games, in which Coriolanus Snow is on the verge of graduating from the Academy, and trying to get himself into the University. This particular year of the Games is important for him, because he is assigned a tribute to mentor. He is assigned Lucy Gray Baird, of District 12. Already we are introduced to some parallel between him and Katniss.

Now many fans have made connections between Katniss and Lucy Gray, primarily on the facts that it was because they both can sing, and have a good sense of survival, but the truth is, they are very different characters, but because of Snow's growing apathy, he can't tell the two apart. Lucy Gray is a performer, contrary to Katniss. Remember in the first book how Katniss thought the acting, and the being pretty part of the Games was silly? Remember how awkward she thought pretending to be in love with Peeta was? Lucy Gray wasn't like that. She was used to many people looking at her, hoping for a show. She was extroverted, charming, and more importantly comfortable with her spotlight. Katniss, while she was certainly charming, was not trained to entertain. Katniss was introverted and awkward, and she was afraid to sing in front of Cressida and her crew later in Mockingjay. She didn't like acting for the cameras in Mockingjay and the first book. Katniss preferred to be left to her own devices, rather than rely on someone else for attention.

now you're probably asking yourself; so why would these two girls have much of an impact on Snow? Well you see, they don't have all the impact, they are just one of the very many examples of this interest Snow has.

Obviously, Snow is a vengeful character; if he doesn't get what he wants, he punishes those who won't give it to him. If you hurt him, he will hurt you back. Snow has been able to use this strategy his whole life. but there's one person he wasn't able to punish for betraying him: Lucy Gray. whether she's dead or far away, Snow wants to punish her. So what does he do instead? he punishes those who remind him of her. here are a few examples: Finnick Odair.

Finnick has a few similarities to Lucy Gray; he's charming, extroverted, and can stand out in a crowd. he was--as they say--an underdog, as he was one of the youngest in the arena during his Games, and overcame the odds by becoming the youngest winner ever. so, when Finnick won, to get back at how Lucy Gray used to charm him, Snow made Finnick prostitute himself for money, and threatened that if he didn't go as Snow ordered, someone he loved would pay the consequences. this was his way to get back at betraying Snow's affection towards Lucy Gray.

example 2: Johanna Mason.

Johanna was very much an underdog. According to Katniss's inner monologue in the first book, Johanna came into the Games, playing like she was small and weak; sort of like Lucy Gray. Lucy Gray was no fighter--or at least wouldn't be able to defend herself very well, even if she had a weapon. and because of her unwillingness to give up, and her ability to capture a crowd with her comments and "bubbly" personality, this reminded him of Lucy Gray, he punished her for it.

and finally: Katniss Everdeen. Katniss, to Snow, is the living embodiment of Lucy Gray, practically the reincarnation of her. Even if she and Lucy Gray are very different, there are two things that Katniss and Lucy Gray have in common: they are underdogs from District 12. which in the point of view of the capitol, is the lowest of the low when it comes to the tributes in the Hunger Games.

and that's what all of these characters punished by Snow share: in their games they were underdogs. Finnick--the youngest in the arena. Johanna--the weakest. Katniss and Peeta--star-crossed lovers from District 12. all examples of overcoming the odds and defeating the enemy (which is the definition of a underdog).

Lucy Gray was an underdog. She had the odds against her favour and still one with her charm and talent like all of these victors did.

Lucy Gray is the beginning of this revenge Snow feels towards underdogs. Don't believe me? let's look at the movies.

One thing that makes the movies stand out from the books is how there are multiple scenes that don't include Katniss--even if the books are in her POV. One particular scene that proves that Snow is vengeful against Lucy Gray's betrayal is when he was talking to Seneca Crane about underdogs in the first movie, after . here's the exhange:

Snow: "So you like an underdog."

Seneca: "Everyone likes an underdog." Snow: "I don't... Have you ever been out there? 10, 11, 12?"

Seneca: "Not personally, no."

Snow: "I have. There are lots of underdogs [...] And I think that if you see them, you would not root for them either."

there are lots of underdogs. that's why Snow is targeting Katniss most of all, because Snow has seen firsthand the underdogs produced from the higher districts, like Lucy Gray. Remember, this scene was written before TBOSAS was even published. and Suzanne Collins worked on the screenplay for the films. Lucy Gray was the foundation of Coriolanus Snow's character from the beginning

This revenge, this hatred for those trying to survive is what literally drives Snow to punish them. the fact that they were able to bring themselves up from his iron fist with their charm and wit, and most of all--defy the system that is meant to keep them down. something that he wasn't able to do. Snow was able to manipulate, but never actually figure out the situation for himself. he always had help, he always had someone to rely on--he was never able to do it alone, unlike those victors he punished. but it could also be the other way around. these victors always had help. People betted on Katniss, gave her gifts, she had Peeta.

that's another example of Snow's vengeful attitude towards Katniss--her relationship with Peeta. I feel in some way that Snow is resented towards Katniss's relationship with Peeta. I believe he always knew that she was trying to protect him--something he could not achieve with Lucy Gray, or she never showed towards him.

so there you have it. that is why Snow is the way that he is, and that's what makes TBOSAS so important to the Hunger Games lore as a whole. I personally think that Snow is singlehandedly the most important character to analyze in this series, because what he ultimately becomes was because of a small girl who ran away.

[marsbar17]

Anymore catalyst x horizon? I love this ship so much 😭❤️ I keep re-reading your other headcanons for them 😭

I'm glad you like my other work! Honestly astrowitch is one of my favorite ships in the game hdjdhaj I love them. I don't know if I have anymore headcannons that I haven't already said so I wrote a small fic instead, I hope you like it :)

Contains: hurt/comfort, established relationship, mention of child loss, grieving

I haven't written hurt/comfort since like middle school please don't bully me hdbsjsj

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The room Horizon sat in smelled heavily of incense and herbs. There were many plants lining the window sills and pretty much every other surface in the room. The space was comfortable, it felt welcoming and friendly.

Across the table in front of her sat Catalyst, looking ethereal like always. She was wearing comfortable clothes, a knit sweater and some sweatpants. She held a deck of tarot cards in her hands, shuffling them expertly. Ah, yes. They were having their weekly tea date. Catalyst had offered to give Horizon a tarot reading, since she seemed more spaced out than usual.

"Just think about what's been troubling you. It could be in the form of a question, or not." Catalyst's voice cut through the silent room, it was smooth. Horizon closed her eyes and thought about it. The room fell into comfortable silence again other than the sound of cards being shuffled and placed on the table. "Okay, open your eyes. Let me see what the cards have to say."

Horizon sipped her tea, tasting like lemon and lavender, and watched her girlfriend flip over the cards. Her fingers were entrancing, the way they moved without stutter or hesitation. She always seemed so confident in her actions. Horizon couldn't help but be amazed.

"The empress, reversed... Five of cups... The sun, reversed... oh Mary, you poor thing." Catalyst's expression changed, and she looked at Horizon in worry. It was obvious the cards weren't saying anything good.

"You're gonna have to tell me what they mean, Tressa. I'm not a mind reader." Horizon joked, trying to cover up her nervousness at the situation. She hated being vulnerable. She was supposed to be the one to comfort others, so when the situation flipped around on her it made her feel weak and scared.

To distract her from her discomfort, Horizon focused on the drawings that adorned the cards. They were hand drawn, all signed with a small star and moon in the bottom corner. Catalyst had made them recently and insisted on giving every legend a tarot reading to break them in. Every reading so far had been pretty positive, singing praise of strength and intelligence. This was the first time Horizon had seen Catalyst so troubled by the cards.

"Are you sure you want to hear it? I'm afraid it will be quite harsh."

"I'm stronger than you think, dear. I can take whatever this deck of cards will tell me." Horizon faked a smile and gestured for the other to go ahead with the reading. Still, Catalyst hesitated for a second.

"Okay," Catalyst sighed. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you."

The Empress is often a sing of fertility and femininity. When reversed, it signifies an emptiness within a person or that insecurities are showing. It can also signify a lack of progress.

"I feel like, maybe you are struggling to heal from a trauma that happened in your life. You miss something, it's making you feel empty, and you haven't been able to accept that it will never come back."

Horizon stared straight at the card, not wanting to see the pity that she could tell was in Catalyst's gaze. She didn't agree nor disagree with the statement, she couldn't bear to lie, but she couldn't admit her struggle either. So she chose to sit in silence and let her girlfriend move on to the next card.

The five of cups is a symbol of negative feelings, and often even just the sight of it makes a person feel discontent. They may be feeling disappointment or like they've been let down by someone close to them. It is also often associated with loss, grief, and mourning.

"You're grieving for someone... or something." Horizon could tell that Catalyst knew exactly who she was grieving for. "You're mourning something that you've lost. This can be the same thing that caused that sense of emptiness."

This time, Catalyst reached over to take Horizon's hand once she was done talking. She rubbed her thumb soothingly over her girlfriend's knuckles, and suddenly Horizon was aware of how her hands looked in comparison to the younger woman's. Horizon wasn't old, but she definitely wasn't young either.

She didn't understand how Catalyst was so okay with dating someone so much older than her. Sure, the age gap wasn't even ten years, but most people felt weird about the whole "lost in a blackhole for 87 years" thing. Catalyst didn't seem to mind though, in fact, she thought it was super interesting how space worked.

"Let's get through the last card. Is that okay, Mary?"

Horizon just nodded, finding that she was too choked up to speak.

The Sun represents joy, happiness, confidence, and success. Somewhat obviously The Sun reversed is a symbol of depression, pessimism, and overall negativity. This may be something bad that has happened to a person, causing them to feel negative, or it can also be a sign that you are being too unrealistic and need to ground yourself.

"The last card is telling me that the cause of your emptiness, your trauma, is preventing you from continuing on in your life. You can't do certain things that you'd like to because of this negativity bearing down on you." Catalyst looked up when she finished talking while Horizon continued to stare at the cards. "Mary... I know you miss Newton."

"I don't want to talk about him, Tressa." For the first time since she entered the room, Horizon didn't try to fake being happy. Catalyst knew that she was grieving, and that fact made her want to hide away forever.

"That's alright, love. What can I do to help you?"

"Some tea would be nice, and maybe we can just sit together?" Horizon looked up into Catalyst's eyes for the first time since the tarot reading began. In her gaze, she found the pity she was afraid of, but it was mostly overwhelmed by adoration and care.

"That sounds lovely. Let me put a kettle on." Catalyst stood up from the table, gently letting go of Horizon's hand as she walked towards the kitchen. "I assume you'd like something calming? Lavender?"

"You know me so well, dear." Horizon smiled. As Catalyst busied herself getting the tea together, Horizon took to running her fingers over the drawings on the cards. Such delicate, pretty things, and yet they tell you all your fears and worries.

Oh Newt, how I miss you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry if it's a bit short, I've been sick and stressed over classes dhdbjsksk

Remember that liking and reblogging my work helps me a lot as a creator and takes like 5 seconds.

Also requests are always welcome! I really enjoy doing them :)

[elbdot]

Jesus christ so hey congratulations on completing tha dubs! Excited to experience them later this month 😄

I do want to take this opportunity tho to ask about your overall thoughts on S&V? Like what you think of the stories, characters, and....Paldea's possible inclusion in these comics 👀?

Excited to hear your thoughts!

OKAY I've gotten a bunch of Pokemon S&V Questions since November and now that I FINALLY played through the game I can FINALLY answer them HERE WE GO

POKEMON SCARLET AND VIOLET IS... GOOD

IS REALLY GOOD

It has some really nice storylines, some weaker, some stronger, I REALLY liked the characterization of all the Team Star Admins (even though the team's backstory is a bit all over the place), Arven was my favorite, followed by Nemona and Penny is- Penny is certainly there 😶

Geeta is not really a memorable champion...I don't really care much for her, but I do find it interesting that she's apparently quite unpopular amongst the Gym leader for her strict management. I don't think we ever had an in-universe unpopular Champion before.

My favorite part of the game was undoubtedly exploring the region with my Pokemon! Taking on the Gyms was more of a chore I had to do to be able to catch and train higher leveled Pokemon but I gotta say, the Gym challenges were always really fun and sometimes I reseted my game just to play the mini-games again :D

But I THINK I spent the most time trying to take selfies and pictures of me and my Pokemon whenever something fun happened or I found a really nice location or the sun was about to set. Taking photos is a HUGE hobby of mine and games that give me this kind of freedom with the photo-option are a HUGE plus in my book (You have NO idea how much time I spent in the USUM Photo Club Mini game)

I gotta say tho the Pokemon of this Region...?

BIGGEST weak point in my opinion. WEIRDEST bunch I've ever seen. Weird doesn't always have to mean BAD but in this case...yeah no there were a lot of weird AND bad ones in there, sometimes great concepts but VERY STRANGE execution that left a lot to be desired for me personally.

I was very open to what kind of Pokemon I would catch in this game. I ended up having only ONE new Paldean Pokemon on my team. And it wasn't even an all new Pokemon, it was Paldean TAUROS :'D Gotta say tho, I never cared THIS much about Tauros before. REALLY love my big black bull (ye I have the regular one, the rare ones are cool but I fell in love with this big fella)

I had a Kilowattrel and Amarouge on my team for a bit, but I switched them out after a while, I was really hoping I'd click with Amarouge more, but in the end I gave space for old and familiar faces instead. Kilowattrel I really like tho! But the fact I could walk around and interact with some of my favorite Pokemon overworld made me SO obsessed with adding them onto my team, THIS is the kind of Pokemon experience I've been waiting for for quite a while :DD

I haven't played through post game yet and I haven't finished all of the school classes yet, but I'm looking forward to complete them, as the cast of this game is really vast and fun!

In case of the comics however, just like with Galar I don't think we'll see an inclusion of this region within the story. Given the narrative of Scarlet and Violet, it would also be difficult to tie in its story with those of EAA and to be honest - I know you guys want to see El and her friends in other regions, which is very sweet, I'm happy you care so much about her that you want to see them travel around the world! But...I NEVER felt the desire to make this comic a world travel tour and I don't really understand where this idea came from that so many people expect El to leave Alola any time soon :'D

"El's Alolan Adventures" will continue to be about El's Adventures in Alola :'D I still love Alola and since El is currently Alolas Champion, she doesn't have any plans to leave the region any time soon and there are still SO many stories to tell with the cast of the Alola region! DON'T FORGET Gladion's Arc I still need to finish!!

HOWEVER

I THINK it's a fair assumption that you'll definitely see SOME fanart from me for this region :D In fact, you can already see my first (ANIMATED) piece on patreon! ☺️

AND I'll show a few more of my "travel pictures" as I've taken...A LOT of them... BUT YEAH Pokemon Scarlet, best main-line game since Sun and Moon for me!! OH and Legends of Arceus was REALLY FUN too of course

[miraakulous-cloud-district]

Tag game that took me way too long to do

Hi, hello, I'm still here. Life and side-tracking happened a lot and, lately, my only online presence was some reblogs. Nonetheless!! It made me really happy to see that I've been tagged in this wonderful tag game by @inkoherentwriting and @dirty-bosmer and @blossom-adventures Thank you so much and sorry it took me this long to actually do it!

How many works do you have on AO3? Just 6 so far!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 100,271 (oh!! I didn't realize I hit the 100k word count before doing this!)

3. What fandoms do you write for? The Elder Scrolls and Dragon Age so far, but I would love to expand that list, and I have my eye on a few fandoms (looking directly at One Piece)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? I only have six fics, and I don't really like looking at the statistics because it makes me terribly sad and unmotivated.

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes!!! Comments are everything to me. It may take some time to respond, but just know that I read the comments as soon as I get the email notification and I reread whenever I feel self conscious about my fics (which is *very* often lmao)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? My longfics are not finished yet, but if you read chapter 15 of WYGTYA, then you'll know which one will have the angstiest ending Spoilers: it's Hymn of the Highs Seas, it's prequel. Author's note: WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO, I AM SO EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO THE PIRATES. But I *will* find a way to make it as satisfying an ending as possible, and it will most definitely have a fluffy/bittersweet epilogue. HOTHS will not be sad, I promise!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? After all the shit I'll put Ravonna through, she deserves it the most, so WYGTYA, probably! Also, my Ralof/Hadvar fic has a really happy ending, if ya know what I mean :)))))

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not yet. I have this wonderful small community of dear readers and they're the most awesome people in the world <3

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Smut is not really my thing, so no. The most I'll do is imply.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I haven't, but I'll never say never!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of, and I doubt anyone would want to steal my writing out of anyone's

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic? No, but I think it would be a very nice experience! I've spoken to a few beloved mutuals about crossovers in which Ravonna meets their ldbs, and I have an idea in mind where I could write a few chapters, each of them exploring Ravonna accidentally teleporting into their ldb's world, but it's still just an idea at the moment :)

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? That I've written? I don't know if I can choose because I love them all, but Rumcurio and Ralof/Hadvar are incredibly underrated ships in the TES fandom and I wish they had more content! Fave ship of all time? Well, right now I am watching Jujutsu Kaisen and I am, of course, having satosugu brainrot. They could have had everything :(((( So beautifully tragic, this one. The fix-it fanfics are amazing, too! But if I had to pick just one ship to be my favourite, I think I'll go with the ineffable husbands because 6000 years of pining is just exquisite <3 <3

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? A very sad and romantic reincarnation AU of WYGTYA where we get to see many versions of Ravonna through the ages! I say romantic, but knowing myself, it won't be super sappy. It's Ravonna that we're talking about here :))

16. What are your writing strengths? I would say that dialogue, and banter in particular. That's what flows the easiest to me, and I think that is how I'm able to express a character's traits and personality the best

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I believe there's room for improvement in all areas, but what I struggle with the most is angst, probably. I need to practice focusing on describing the character's feelings more. Also, politics. Crucial to the plot, but my mind never cooperates when I want to write politics.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue on another language in a fic? If it's a few words, it's fine, I think it adds flavour to the chapter, but translations should be provided. However, I would avoid writing entire paragraphs in another language, that's just confusing to readers.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Skyrim! I wrote for the Tes Summer Fest event in 2022!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? I love them all very dearly, but hear me out!!! WYGTYA is my first baby, my longest fic and the thing that led me to start such beautiful friendships online. It will always have a special place in my heart! In my soul, there's a jewellery box dedicated to just WYGTYA, and it's all heart shaped and made out of love. Ravonna is by far my most developed oc, so much so that she feels like a real person sometimes when I think of her. She's even become a source of inspiration for me at times and her story with her fellowship will never fail to put a smile on my face. She's also such a big impact on my writing that I think she will become a blueprint for future stories that I write. Every story will have a Ravonna-type character, for sure. That's how much love I have for her! But I started writing WYGTYA as a beginner, and I sense that I will go back to some of the earlier chapters and re-edit some stuff. Right now, the fic that I'm most satisfied of is HOTHS. It's still at 2 chapters (soon to be three), but I'm so excited about this project, and the characters are all ocs, and my heart is so full of love for them that it overflows! It's also a pirate story, and I always have such a weak spot for pirates. It also follows the storyline and plot twist that I'm most proud of in WYGTYA, all about Ravonna's lineage. Damn, I guess I have Ravonna to thank for this, too. I'm just really happy with this twist and canon divergence in Deathbrand's character. I feel like he has so much potential in the TES Universe, and I'm about to explore all that and more in this fic!

Oh wow, that last bit got so very rambly, I'm so sorry! I don't know who has done this or not, but I'll tag @bougainvillea-and-saltwater @kiir-do-faal-rahhe @bostoniangirl21 @sheirukitriesfandom @illumiera

[lycan-troth]

I'm so confused by the asexual spectrum, and I mean that respectfully. There's so many variations that I can't keep up with them. I've tried to understand what they are, but I've not been able to find anything that explains them simply and clearly.

Before ppl get mad or offended... I'm saying this bcs I think I could be on the spectrum, but bcs it's so confusing, I can't tell if I am or not. I just want to see simple explanations, but I can't wrap my head around all the different versions. So, I was hoping someone knowledgeable on the subject could suggest what I could be? I'm lesbian and she/they, so I understand those parts of my identity, just for some subtext. I'm just stumbling on how I (don't) experience attraction.

So, I'm 22, and I have no experience with intimacy or romance. Though, that's mainly bcs I haven't had the opportunities. I'd never be intimate with a stranger or a friend. I've only been in love once. I've only felt significant attraction to maybe 4 or 5 people? I usually catch myself trying to see if I find anyone attractive, and it often feels forced bcs the high majority of ppl I see are not attractive to me. I observe ppl, trying to find elements of them that might spark something in me, but nothing happens. I've tried to force crushes on myself before, and it just feels desperate and lonely. I feel no genuine attraction. Just indifference. It bothers me. I want to feel attraction more often, but I don't.

A good thing is that I'm not someone who's usually considered attractive. I'm cute and innocent-like, but nothing more. I'm basically that one friend everyone assumes is innocent and kind like a kid, and no one decent is interested in that. And that's okay, bcs I don't find anyone around me attractive, haha. It's just lonely. The few times I've been attracted to someone has always been really overwhelming for me. I've literally gone weak in the knees and almost fallen over bcs I saw a rlly attractive girl. But always, when I've felt attraction, I've also been afraid. I've often joked to myself that if i feel intimidated by a girl and she hasn't done anything to warrant that response, then she's just really pretty.

I have never approached anyone I've found very attractive bcs it just seems rlly weird to me. Plus, I always don't know them, or they're seeing someone, and I'm always an anxious wreck. In general, I can not recognise flirting or subtle things. I'm autistic and while my social skills aren't bad, they only go so far, lol. So, maybe someone has tried flirting before, and I just thought they were being nice? That's why I don't do subtle. The ppl in my life know that I don't play games. If I have a problem with someone, I'd tell them. If I'm happy spending time with someone, I let them know. I tell a few ppl I love them, that's a big thing for me. I like directness, but I know lots of ppl struggle with it. However, for me, I need it to be able to understand the full picture properly. Idk why so many ppl like playing weird cat and mouse games. Someone said it was to be mysterious or to not show 'too much' interest. That to me is just stupid and childish. I get feeling scared of rejection, but I don't like it when ppl mess around. It's impolite to play with someone's feelings, making them question whether you like them or not. It just breeds insecurity and doubt. To me, it's unattractive and boring. It's not romantic. But that's just me, and I'm often enough the odd one out.

Anyway, it is not often I feel attraction. Ppl are usually boring. I have felt that a few ppl were cute during brief interactions, so if those continued, perhaps that sort of feeling could have developed. I'm open to marriage with the right person, but only if they're The One. I'd only date someone if I knew them well enough, but I'm not open to dating casually. I feel very intensely about most things, and I have been in love once. It was an online relationship. I loved her very much and only wanted her happiness and comfort. I hadn't meant to fall in love, and I'd never intended to have an online relationship. But I loved her, and that changed my mind. When she broke up with me, I accepted it and comforted her about it. I mentioned that I was sad about it, naturally, but I didn't say much more than that. I understood it was difficult and upsetting for her to break up, so I respected her decision and minimalised communicating the extent of how upset I felt. I did that because telling her wouldn't be a kindness or productive. It would only make her feel more upset and guilty. We're still friends. I always thought ppl were being dramatic when they said that first loves were devastating or sad. I loved and was loved in return, which makes the experience worth it. I hope to find love again, someday.

I like the idea of romance and comfort, but obtaining it isn't so simple. However, I refuse to settle for less than what I want. On the other hand: intimacy. I'm not upset that I've never done anything. Sure, in theory, I'd like to have a bit of experience, but I don't, and that's okay. My hand does the trick for me just fine, so I'm not frustrated at all. If I had a partner, in theory, I believe if I trusted them enough, we might do something together, but in reality? Idk, but I like the idea of it.

That's all I can think of to mention. So, if someone could make a suggestion or something, I'd appreciate it. Even if it's just to tell me that I'm not part of the asexual spectrum, and I'm just an introverted, anxious, autistic, lesbian who's suffering under the devastation that is other ppl's commitment issues. That'd be fine. I'm just feeling lost and would appreciate a kind word of reassurance.

[bazzybelle]

20 questions for fic writers!

Thank you @spockandthings for tagging me in this game!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I currently have 42 works on AO3.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

306,632 words. Which isn't too terrible, I don't think.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Most of my fics are from the Carry On Universe (Simon Snow Trilogy), but I have been writing a lot of Sandman fics as well.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

They are all from the Carry On universe.

I Just Want Your Extra Time And Your..... -> 611 kudos

Falling Back To You -> 511 kudos

So Close, We've Always Been -> 431 kudos

Thighs and Prejudice -> 304 kudos

The Best Game You Can Name -> 276 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do, but I am terrible at being consistent with it. If I am able to sit down and just get them over with, then yeah I can do it. But if I'm disrupted, then it'll take me another length of forever to get back to them. To whomever's left me a kind comment, I see you, and I love you.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't like writing angsty endings... I'll write a ton of angst within a fic, but I like to make them happy... You know, I think With Open Arms - Don't Stay For Me might be the angstiest one. It was my first fic and it was my attempt to process Wayward Son and all the emotions that came with it. It was also the first fic I wrote after not writing for almost a decade so...

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All my fics have some sort of happy ending, but I think the one that is my favourite happy ending is Speak My Language of Love, because I liked how both Simon and Baz were able to express to each other how much they love.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ooooo yes... I do. I have written all sorts of smut. Sexting, rimming, frotting, switching top and bottom... But I've mostly written Simon and Baz smut. I haven't written Dreamling smut... yet. What's funny is that I did a search of how many E-rated fics I have, and it's only 10.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not yet. I DO want to write a Watford-era crossover fic between Dreamling and SnowBaz, where Morpheus and Hob just view the events of the Trilogy, but through an outsider's perspective. Yes... I plan on making it very snarky.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. I certainly hope not...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would love to! I have several authors both in the Carry On and Sandman fandom that I would love to co-author with.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oh that's just mean. I'm currently obsessed with Dreamling, but SnowBaz will always have a special place in my heart.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have been slowly chipping away at Youth Without Youth and No One To Save, but my motivation to write SnowBaz explicitly has all but diminished. It's been difficult to get back into the habit of writing because I have been feeling burnt out since last year, and so I am only writing when I feel an urge and I'm only writing things that give me a happy motivation.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have been told that I write angst and fast-paced action scenes really well. I have also been told that I am really good at world building.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Grammar and syntax. I also repeat sentences and words and phrases. I m also not great at descriptive, flowy prose. I tend to be very choppy with my writing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I mean you do you. But if you plan on doing it, please provide some sore of translation if you want me to understand what's going on.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Ok so... I have been playing in fandom since Prue died on Charmed (so like 2001, I think), but the first fanfic I wrote was in 2004, I think and it was a Charmed fanfic with Piper/Leo. I found it the other day, in one of my OLD emails and OUFFF... I've been writing on and off since then, taking hiatuses especially during school and most recently during a decade of fandom repression and depression. I have written for Charmed, Grey's Anatomy (RPG), Criminal Minds, Carry On, and now The Sandman.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh that's difficult. Ok so for Sandman, I loved how How Beautiful it is That We Exist turned out. For Simon Snow, it's a tie between Thighs and Prejudice, The Best Game You Can Name, and Falling Back To You

Tagging: @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @amywaterwings, @namistrella, @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, @sleepsonfutons, @mentallyinvernation, @mallory-x, @windsweptinred, @seiya-starsniper, @ninemagicks, @tryan-a-bex, @wellbelesbian, @messofthejess, @artsyunderstudy, @valiantstarlights

[front-facing-pokemon]

sandaconda SNIFFFF

this is true

sorry about the radio silence apart from the queued posts for the past few days, folks. i'm gonna drop all these asks and then give you a bit of an explanation, as well as a possible read on the future of the blog, down at the bottom of this post, if you care to read it

everyone loves appletun..! i used one to beat the champion in my first ever run of swsh because i thought it was so cute. and grass/dragon is a fun typing..! just one more way to be 4x weak to ice my belovèd

i don't even remember what this is in reference to unfortunately. this is the way to get to the grass gym from motostoke, i think..! though you have to go through a route to get to the mines

y'know, i'm not sure! perhaps if i knew what it was based on, i could tell you better

let them have it :/ they deserve it

okay. hi. you've reached the bottom. i have a confession! i have not been able to update the queue in like. a week

my commitment to uploading every pokémon in natdex order already fell off a little bit when the galar pokédex was out of order compared to the national pokédex and i was choosing to include regional forms in "natdex order" by using their placement in regional dexes. now that i've reached all the regional evolutions in the natdex, i've found that my previous methods for getting models and getting them to work are not necessarily panning out. this is, of course, for one specific pokémon: galarian farfetch'd. i believe this applies to the rest of the galarian forms that i have yet to upload, as well, as i can't seem to find models (that i know how to work with) anywhere on the internet. if you want to see the most recent state i was able to get galarian farfetch'd into, then here:

it's fucked up. you may have noticed that i also didn't post galarian corsola before cursola. that's partially because i forgot it existed, and partially because i didn't have its model so i didn't know it existed because of that

i don't really know what to do here. i haven't queued up a single pokémon in about a week, and even then, the pokémon at the end of the queue you'll notice are getting progressively more and more fucked up textures-wise just because of how difficult they're getting when i can't find the proper models and i have to throw something toegether in like an hour. which! this blog never used to take me an hour! it used to be a few minutes out of my morning, at most. now mornings are taking me upwards of two hours just to get these motherfuckers working—and now i've reached a point where i can't get them working at all

from my perspective, i have two options, neither of which i want to do. option one is to just post the pokémon that i have and can get working, skipping ones that i don't have or can't get working. option two is to just go on indefinite hiatus until i can get a hold of the models and get them working. i like neither of these options!

i suppose there's a secret third option, which is that i start using in-game screenshots like i almost did for phantump that one time, but those aren't the easiest to procure when i can't perfectly manipulate the model and the camera to get the angles that have become the style of this blog

i don't want to quit when i'm this close to the end (and especially when there's so many of you waiting for your favorite pokémon), but taking two hours out of my morning to get one pokémon working is becoming a chore i relent doing, and i've become unable to do it at all now that i can't get the models to render correctly

i don't have a solution to put at the bottom of the post here! i don't have a way to say "so because of this, i'll now be doing blahblahblah" because i don't have a blahblahblah that i can do. i don't know what the best course of action is, because i have never really encountered this kind of problem on the blog before. the hiatus i took back in 2020 was for completely unrelated reasons, and like 99.9% of you weren't even here for that. and sure, only like 20 folks read these asks, let alone down this far into them, but for those of you that don't, you'll just be missing out and confused. for those of you that do, i thank you for sticking around this long. this is not goodbye, and i don't even want it to be a temporary goodbye—but it is me saying that there are 18 pokémon left in the queue and i don't know how to add any more

the best solution is probably just to post the pokémon that i can and hope the models i can't get aren't anyone's favorites. how do we all feel about that? i could always try in-game screenshots, but that'd be such a big change in styling and visuals that i dunno if i wanna go through with it. i'm at an impasse here, and i've been avoiding even talking about it because technically most of the followers of this blog couldn't care less if there was a real individual behind it—they're just here for the silly pokémon images. but, y'know, hi! here i am, i'm a real individual running this blog, and it's not that easy anymore!

[lastontheboat]

Fandom creators self rec game! Choose five favourites from your own creations (and tell me why, if you like!), then pass on to at least five other people. I'd love to hear what you're proudest of.

Thank you @tackytigerfic for providing me an opportunity for navel-gazing! I enjoyed reading about your own favourites; I find it super interesting to see what other creators value about their works.

Per my last letter (I hope you choke on it)

This is my favourite completed fic for a number of reasons:

1. I had always wanted to try writing an epistolary

2. I had always wanted to try collaborating on a fic with a friend

3. The writing process was an absolute joy

It feels like a distillation of many of my favourite things, but unlike many fics the creation process didn't involve tearing my hair out trying to make it do what I wanted. Whenever I'd get stuck, I'd just close the document and go to bed, then when I woke up the next morning @fluxweeed would have added several new scenes that set my brain on fire. It was an absolutely magical experience for me, and I'm extremely fond of the end result. This is probably the fic of mine that I've re-read the most, and it delights me every time!

Podfic of Stop All The Clocks, by firethesound

I've got a lot of podfics to choose from, but this is one that I'm particularly proud of. The original fic is imprinted on my soul, but the thing that sticks with me more than the actual plot is the sensation of reading it and feeling my heart break over and over.

Making podfics is a very personal craft for me. It's an investment of my time, and I generally choose ones to record that I strongly associate with a particular first-time reading experience. This was my sixth large podfic project, and I really wanted my reading to amplify the heartbreak that's already present in the text. It was a much more emotional recording and editing process than most of my podfics, but it's also the only one I've listened to entirely after releasing it.

I'm extremely fond of every listener who has taken the plunge and commented about their experience of it, and completely understand everyone who has been like "I don't fuck with that fic. You couldn't pay me to listen it."

body electric

This is the first fic I can recall writing that was entirely driven by a feeling. I remember being consumed by the idea of that spark between Harry and Draco, of them needing to feed it and hold it but being unable to act upon it. I was between jobs and had a lot of time to myself, and I wrote this fic in a fugue state over the space of two days. I had never experienced a writing process so feverish before, and I don't know if I will again.

I also need to shout out the beta feedback I got from @zaharya on this one, whose very insightful comments about the passage of time in the second chapter led to me adding a bunch of my favourite lines to it:

“I want to bend you over this table,” he says, panting now. “I want you under me, here in my workshop. You’ll leave here and every time you smell wood shavings you’ll think of me.” “I already do,” Malfoy says, his voice cracking.

Podfic of If The Fates Allow, by saras_girl

I spend a lot of time listening to audiobooks these days, and I really appreciate being able to consume so many stories while driving or cooking. For me, recording a podfic is about giving others the opportunity to experience some of my favourite fics, and trying to capture some of what they mean to me in my voicing.

saras_girls fics hold a very special place in my heart, and this one is my absolute favourite of hers. As a podfic, the biggest challenge here was dealing with the ensemble cast—it stretched the limits of unique voices I could do without them sounding forced, but it was also exciting trying to keep the voices consistent across 25 chapters.

the spirit is willing (the flesh is weak)

This is the newest fic that I finished (the only one so far in 2023), but I haven't made too much noise about it on here because it's attached to my alt account. This one started out as a concept that wouldn't leave me alone (Bill/Ginny fuck or die), but it's also another data point in my exploration of what it's like to write smut.

I still don't think it comes naturally to me, whatever that means—I'm much more comfortable keeping my writing to Teen, but I'm very satisfied with how this fic achieves what I set out to do with it. It was a stretch, but a good stretch!

[nouklea]

Fic Tag Game!

I was tagged by @beri-allen, @writerrose1998, @cosmic-lullaby and @wileyonce. Thanks! <3

20 questions below the cut:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

16

2. What’s your AO3 word count?

136,228

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Wednesday for now. I used to write for StarWars (see question 12) but no traces remains from that era.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Woe of Wrath

I'm on my Way

Variations on a Main Theme - 1

A Second Chance for a First Impression

Five Minutes Earlier

5. Do you respond to comments?

As much as possible. Usually I respond to every comment, even if it's just to say a quick Thank You. The only fic on which I haven't done that is Woe of Wrath, if fell into limbo and I have a hard time focusing on it right now. And I feel kind of weird to answer comments after several months of silence, but the more I wait the weirder it gets...

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Doomed is a Dead Dove Do Not Eat fic. The entire text is dark, including the ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I will go with Double-Date With Dad. Farewell Xavier Thorpe ends on a really good note too (if you are not a fan of Xavier).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

It never happened. Fingers crossed.

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

I try. I find it difficult for two reasons. First, it's tough to avoid clichés. When you read smut, you end up noticing some general patterns, and I do my best to stay away from those. Second, I'm not a fan of some popular kinks, for instance I can't stand the expression "good girl", and therefore I'm not interested in writing it, even if I keep reading authors that use them. Some people probably think my smut fics are boring, too soft, too ordinary. But I don't care (yeah, I do, but shh).

10. Do you write cross-overs?

No. And I have a really hard time reading cross-overs too. And I hate cross-overs in tv shows. Complete respect to authors, however. It's just not my thing.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I guess I could translate my own fics in French since it's my native language, but for now I don't see any reason to do so.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, I did. It was a weird kind of toxic partnership. The other person was responsible for writing the general plot (because my ideas weren't good enough), and I had to turn every page he wrote into a three-pages long section, adding descriptions and filling the blanks. And correct the spelling and grammar, and add better vocabulary...

13. What WIP would you like to finish but doubt you ever will?

I hope I will finish every WIP I currently have, even if they tend to pile up (WIP bunnies...). My biggest challenge is to go back to Woe of Wrath. It is my first fic, it is a multi-chapter one, and I started to write it just to let the steam out after a twenty-years-long writing hiatus, so the outline was not super clear, there are many plot holes I try to fix, the sentences and vocabulary are bad... I know where I want to take the story and how it ends, but it's hard not to want to start over.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

For fanfics I'll say Weyler because it's the only thing I've ever written. Now besides that... For those who read Guy Gavriel Kay, I'm forever bound to the Diarmuid/Sharra ship, followed by Paul/Jaelle. Quite fond of the Clary/Jace ship in The Mortal Instruments (The books! Don't talk to me about the movie or the tv show!)

15. What are your writing strengths?

No damn idea. I've been asking myself the same question since I was thirteen.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably not being able to answer question 15. Imposter syndrome.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

In French it's not a problem, of course. I've done it in Impulsion. I have studied Latin for two years in highschool so I felt comfortable enough to translate a few sentences in Woe of Wrath. For other languages, I would only do so if I can find a beta reader fluent in this specific language to correct the grammar. I cringe everytime I read English fics with badly written French dialogs, it makes me loose the focus on the story (Same for tv shows, by the way. Come on, you have 2 millions $ to produce an episode and you can't find someone to double-check your French sentence?). It's really hard for me not to comment with a correction (AO3 etiquette: do not provide corrections unless the author specifically asked for it). I don't want to inflict that on my readers by butchering their native language.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars. It was a long time ago (in a galaxy far far away), when there were only three movies and a few books (Timothy Zahn forever!). And for those who wonder how old I am, I used to write with WordPerfect, DOS version (it was the pre-Windows era). It had a blue background (terrible for the eyes) and some keycodes you had to use to change the font to bold or italics. Since you can't visualize anything in DOS (it's not a wysiwyg), it used colors, so you had to remember what it meant (yellow letters meant italics...). And I used to save those texts on a floppy my mom took to her office to print.

19. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

It's not a popular one, but I really like Monologue for a Hyde. I like the tone. Pretty happy with Fuck Me Once Shame on You, Fuck Me Twice Shame on Me, too.

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

Woe of Wrath without a doubt. With a proper plan, and a lot of plot holes avoided (that damn cellphone...)

I will tag the Death Metal and Glitter Club members whose Tumblr ids I know, aka @anotherbluesunday, @tastethesetears, @darling-gemini, @darlingfuego,

As well as @broken-everlark, @persephoneed, @bithablu, @allergictocolor and @insomniac1994.

[silverdestiny]

Thinking about how The Legend of Vox Machina is such a good translation of a D&D game into a visual medium.

I got hooked to Percy specifically because so much that they do with him to set the tone and mood are beautiful. The transitions where he puts on his mask. The smoke, noticeable but not too obtrusive until it gets too powerful to ignore.

I adore the entire way they did Orthax. I've been playing D&D inspired ttrpgs for long enough that Demon has become just an enemy type with specific weaknesses but the entire way that they depicted him really captured what demons SHOULD be. And I haven't listened to the podcast campaign yet and I know that at least some of that comes from the DM himself but it's so easy to look at a stat block and think of that as all a demon is. But the way that he's shown in the animated series, the battle in the center of percy's mind, everything they did with the effects when he was trying to fight him to keep from killing those he loved, the way you translate dice rolls and character actions into a visual medium, it was just done masterfully.

I've seen people saying 'Percy is extremely anime' and they're RIGHT but my favorite D&D campaigns have always had that kind of high drama, high fantasy, rule of cool feel that makes people identify him as that. And Percy's arc honestly is SUCH a good tone setter in many ways- if I choose to get into the campaign now I feel like I know what I'm in for. I'm in for drama, character trauma, close calls, described viscera and gore, npcs who can't be saved, but I'm also in for hope and the power of friendship pushing forward to solve problems together (for as long as it can, at least), as well as villains that have just as much power and cool invested in them, as much thought behind them as the PCs which is always an excellent experience.

So being able to watch this and see that how fleshed out all the characters are, how the undead are truly undead, the demons have meaning, but there's still so much lightness and brevity between the dour moments is really inspiring, and the way that it translates the rich world that has been made makes me want to build rich worlds myself because I so rarely see worlds as colorful but as serious as the ones I want to make portrayed in media like this.

And it makes me really want to listen to the Critical Role podcast, I'll give them that.

[c7thetumbler]

Quick Game Reviews: August 2024

Continuing on with August! A few days late because I was neck deep in the last game on here. It's very platformer heavy this month as well, but I was on a roll.

image from Steam page

Earth Defense Force 6 (Steam)

EDF! EDF!

EDF is a series that knows what it's about. Having played 4 and 5 on Steam as well, this is just more of that. The game boasts half as many more missions as 5 had, which is astonishing because 5 had 100 and that felt like way too many. I'm playing with friends and still haven't beaten it, but I hope to sometime soon.

The main difference I would say between this and 5 would be the plot. It's still the same tacky, B-movie plot with funny stilted dialogue and crazy scenarios, but they introduced a new element to it that lets it get even crazier but also makes me interested in what's going on past "How are we going to win". Gameplay wise, there's new weapons and enemies of course, and some of those new enemies require much more specific ways of dealing with them, but it still usually boils down to "Shoot them all really fast, and if they have a weak point shoot that." It's good, near-mindless fun and I appreciate that.

If you've played an EDF game before, this is more of the same and definitely best with a group of friends. If you haven't, keep that in mind and maybe wait for a sale.

Screenshot from my switch

New Pokémon Snap (Switch)

I didn't own Pokémon Snap on it's original release; I believe the first time I played it was on Wii VC, if not WiiU VC, so I had gotten far past 1st-gen hype that carried it a lot. It's a fun game, but it's pretty short and the lack of variety on each individual course wasn't doing it any favors. That's not to say I disliked it, but when this new one was announced I wasn't really in any hurry to try it out.

To it's credit, it's done a great job of adding features in a way that solves those issues with the original. You can level up each area as you get more points in it, which unlocks alternate routes and events in each one, and a number of them allow you to go at night which is a completely different experience as well. Your Pokedex also store 4 different rankings of pictures which have their own scoreboard, so you're encouraged to take pictures of the same Pokémon over and over again to get the best you can. I'll say this is a huge improvement, and worth the price of the game in terms of length at least, and that's without me going too far into the "post-game" content.

The game is a lot prettier than its current generation at the time, Gen 8, which is really funny given how poorly that game is run. It does a good job of showing you how expressive, interesting, and deep world that the Pokémon games have built but never have been able to explore upon fully due to the scope of those games and Gamefreak's... development practices. Pokémon's a franchise with a lot of incredibly unique gaming potential and side games like this do a great job of exploring that.

I did however find myself getting frustrated at some points. The Challenge system they have where NPC's give you tasks to try and get unique photos is very finnicky. I've often done pictures that I thought would fulfill their requirements, only for them to not even acknowledge it. I didn't complete a vast majority of them because of this; this kind of game benefits from not having to look things up online because the wonder and discovery is the point, but this could've used some work or an additional hint system for dumdums like me. Some of these challenges can also only be completed after unlocking levels and features and using them correctly, so it's especially frustrating to see the challenge pop up and attempt to do it several times only to discover that it's not possible until you hit level 3 and unlock the special glowy orb.

Overall though, this is Pokémon Snap but much larger and with a lot of great additions to the formula. If you enjoyed the gameplay of the original and want more, this will scratch that itch, but be prepared for some moments where you're confused on what to do next with little guidance.

Image from Steam page

Kitsune Tails (Steam)

I 100%'d this!

This is an adorable, very well done game. It's very much a love letter to SMB3 with some smaller SMW elements thrown in, and they're not only aware of that they've fully embraced it. I'd recommend it for anyone that just loved those classic Mario platformers, as it'll check all those boxes you know and love.

Kitsune Tails also features its own support for importing custom levels or even minigames based off of Lua and its own internal assets, complete with documentation and examples inside the local files for the game. That's something you don't see a lot, and even though I never made anything for it it was fun to mess around with. I will say that they will do themselves some favors if they find a way to make that work with Steam Workshop just inherently so players don't have to hunt around for files or join a discord with no anonymous accessibility (like forums used to do), but I won't count that against them because I have no idea how complicated that is. Update after I wrote this, Steam Workshop is now supported! That's the third time time they've updated the game with design changes and fixes that I was counting against it, which is very rad.

My only real complaints with it come in some more specific issues. A few levels could use some work design-wise; a few vertical levels really enjoy having enemies off-screen jump down to the next available platform to the player which is never fun, and there are some jumps and challenges that just don't feel right. Some enemies have clearly been designed to exploit difficult jumps and player behaviors. Monkeys that throw down diagonally at unforgiving intervals, and then drop down at an unavoidable rate. Ninja raccoons throw 3 projectiles very quickly as opposed to the traditional single projectile from piranha plants, ghosts perpetually chase you rather than being more manageable about directions your facing. It can lead to a lot of frustrating, repetitive fails that don't feel as fair as they could be, but ultimately with enough practice and patience nothing is insurmountable. Midway through my last run to get the hardest achievement they updated some of the problem jumps to be a bit easier which is appreciated, but these enemy issues don't feel addressable in the same way.

The story is adorable and lovely and genuine. Don't let "SMB3 but with fox girl lesbians," while true, color your perception of how the game presents itself or should play. This is a labor of love from a group of speedrunners, Mario fans, and the community that has kept that alive and evergreen.

Screenshot from my Switch

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team DX (Switch)

I wanted to get a game I could chill with on the couch while listening to podcasts with a drink and my cat, so I picked this up again. I had played the original game on DS and remember liking it a lot, and I've played a number of Mystery Dungeon-esque games in various forms so I figured this would be a good fit. The amount of time between then and now of course (20ish years?) allowed me to forget most of the story beats and I'm not sure entirely of everything that changed, but I'll try and recollect as much as I can.

Visually the filter really works for it; the storybook aesthetic is a lot more interesting than just generic Pokémon cartoon looks, and they recreated everything in 3D very well. The inclusion of several Gen 4 Pokémon, something which at the time of the original release wasn't out yet, was fun to see again and made me nostalgic for when Gamefreak actually tried to do tie ins like that. In terms of changes, I wish they had kept in the Basic Attack that was in the base game, as without it PP management becomes a real chore. While it's cool to see some enemies Mega-evolve in the later dungeons as well, it's not really much of a feature because every Pokémon gets that stat bonus if the right conditions are met anyway.

So from my perspective, this is really just an HD port of the original game; if they added new Pokémon or dungeons to it then they're VERY late in the game and I never grinded enough to get to them. So now I have to jump back to my running bit with Switch remakes releasing at crazy prices. This is available for $59.99 digitally, full brand new Switch Game price, despite just being a rerelease of a GBA/DS game. That's criminal; something like this should release for $30 tops, and without any real new content to justify that price increase there's absolutely no reason it should be less. They really undercut my point here though because just after I picked this up, they released the GBA version of the game on NSO+, so like. Just play that. Or if you don't have NSO+, I'll fall back on my previous statement from last month that The value of these 20+ year old games is essentially free given that it's so easy to find them online, they've been iterated on so many times, and the original developers aren't getting a cent of that anyway. I'm not against remakes, but let's start being realistic about it: if pirating the original takes as much effort as buying it and gives you a near identical experience to the remake, then the remake wasn't needed.

Save your cash. If you want a great Pokémon Mystery Dungeon experience, Explorers of Sky for the DS is generally considered the best in series, and I'd like to see them actually make an effort to drastically improve on this side-series next time.

Image from Steam page

Penny's Big Breakaway (Steam)

I 100%'d this as well!

I was super-excited for this when it was first announced. It was developed by Christian Whitehead and the team behind Sonic Mania, which is hands-down the best 2D Sonic game even still, and they proved that they could figure out and distill the formula down to one the best it could be. So seeing them do a 3D platformer that looked like it would build off of 2D Sonic momentum mentality in a way that 3D Sonic never did was exciting.

I may have over-hyped it. That's not to say this is a bad game; far from it! I had a lot of fun with it and enjoyed a lot of the challenges it brought. It's movement is well crafted and a lot of thought clearly went into the different ways a player could move around the world. But the game is less "3D, momentum-Based Sonic" and more "Mario Odyssey with a Yo-yo instead of a cap." There are a few ways to quickly build or gain speed, but overall most of your movement is going to be rolling on your yo-yo until you get to precision platforming, and then you need to take it slower to do your normal jump, swing jump, double jump, forward dive, etc. to get where you need to go.

The game has a combo system that reminds me a lot of Pizza Tower's combo system mixed with a skateboarding game's points. You do combos by doing tricks (any movement that isn't just walking and a normal jump), and the game feels like you can carry a combo through the entire level if you play your moves very precisely. In my experience however, that's pretty close to impossible and it's a little unclear what specifically breaks your combo. Often times I'm left trying to ride my yo-yo back and forth to figure out how to land on ground without actually landing on ground, and it didn't feel great in those moments. When everything worked out though it felt really fun, and I could see how a mastery of the mechanics could really make everything feel good.

Aesthetically the game looks great. Very heavily stylized in a way that reminds me of Sonic 3D blast and well-selected palette's and themes to bring it all together. Character design is a little wacky, but it fits within it and it's a very well executed look overall; something a lot of indies struggle with so it's great to see that they were able to carry over that skillset from how well they handled Sonic Mania.

So in short, if Mario Odyssey-style movement in Mario 3D land type linear levels appeals to you, then this is a good pick-up! It will however take a little while to get used to the movement in order to properly understand how the game wants you to traverse it.

Image from Steam page

Haiku, the Robot (Steam)

I nearly 100%'d this game! There's an achievement for going through it without repairing yourself or getting chips that help with that (ie, only healing at checkpoints), and I ruined that pretty early. I might go back and do that someday though.

This game is the "prequel" to Rusty's Retirement, which I reviewed last post. It's more that Rusty's Retirement just uses the same characters and some of the aesthetics. But it caused me to be interested in it, and I had a good time with it! It's very much a Hollow-Knight inspired metroidvania, right down to the healing ability and "chips" working like badges. It doesn't hold your hand for exploring, but to the game's credit I never felt lost, which is a problem I had with Hollow Knight itself.

The aesthetic is post-apocalyptic, rusty metal underground entirely inhabited by robots under attack from a virus that causes them to attack each other. The color palette is very muted; You're going to see a lot of Oranges, greys, and browns to match the very rusty look. It works well for it and a few bosses make a point to throw in other accents, but I can see some people getting tired of it.

Gameplay wise it's pretty solid! Everything feels pretty good, some of the traversal abilities are fun to mess around with, there's a lot of build options without feeling like some are objectively better than the other. Honestly, it's just a really solid title. If you like Hollow Knight or tried it and were a bit put off by its difficulty, then this is a great pick-up or alternative.

Image from Steam page

Psychonauts 2 (Steam)

I also 100%'d this

I really, really liked Psychonauts when I first played it on steam over a decade ago. It had a few issues, but overall was a really fun and quirky 3D platformer at a time when those had fallen a bit out of favor. The story and visuals were wacky, it was funny, and had a lot of unique challenges. I did not back any Psychonauts 2 funding attempts though due to the things going around about double fine and Tim Schafer's inability to handle scope, so I was never expecting this to come out. When it did I bought it and it's been in my backlog ever since.

I do really want to like this game; the platforming is fun, the progression and exploration are like how I remember. But this game really seems like it doesn't want you to play it. It took half of my time with the game to start to feel like there's more gameplay than cutscenes. Over and Over again it'll remind you how incredibly linear it is as you get to a new obstacle, area, or just story beat and then just say "hey you need to stop right there and listen to the story." It feels like it inherently clashes with the collectathon genre it's a part of; you want time with yourself and the world to go and explore and find things, but you're not sure if you've fully explored an area before you're thrown out of it entirely and usually irreversibly for a long time.

The story itself is interesting. It too a while to get into due to its first half doing some poor setup of the previous game(s) that made me uninvested in the nuance it was trying to get me into. I shouldn't feel like I need to have played Rhombus of Ruin, the VR exclusive game that occurred between 1 and 2, to have an understanding of a lot of these characters, but I feel like I missed out on a lot having not played it. Eventually though it starts building it's own story with those building blocks, and that's when it gets really good.

After I unlocked the real hub world and done about 3-4 sub worlds related to it, it started to feel like what I remember. It'll still do cutscenes to contextualize the strange, psychedelic worlds and challenges you see, but then it will for the most part let you play in them without throwing you into a cutscene and then out of the level entirely again. As I approached the end the cutscenes interruption got a little more bare able as the story's various threads tied together into something that didn't feel like padding, but the rocky start is a big ask and I can see players who haven't even touched either of the original games not being able to get key elements.

Combat is still a little wonky. I find myself mostly sticking to ranged attacks and gimmick abilities that you need to counter with rather than using the melee abilities that much. The PSI abilities themselves really could've used an update in terms of how they're accessed; You can map them to any one of the 4 shoulder buttons, but you'll always want levitation and your hand abilities available because they're just incredibly useful in and out of combat. That leaves you constantly opening a poorly handled radial menu to swap between you fire, ranged attack, and more situational abilities they like to swap between frequently. Given the either contextual nature of the gimmick abilities vs the universal ones, it feels like they didn't need a swap menu at all and could've incorporated the movement ones more easily into a context-specific button. I'm only ever going to need to jump between thought bubbles when there are thought bubbles around, use clairvoyance when creatures are nearby, slow time when a platform nearby is moving too fast etc., and that would free up the remaining buttons for your way more present actions of jumping/rolling, grabbing things, and combat abilities. It would lower the amount of unaccounted for freedom in handling combat and traversing levels, granted, but the game doesn't feel like it has enough depth and isn't open enough for that to feel like a bad trade-off.

If you liked the original Psychonauts and don't mind your gameplay being interrupted, having to to go back to worlds way later to 100% them, and are interested more in story, this is for you. If you want a seamless 3D platforming collectathon experience, I'd stay clear.

Image from the Gamebanana page

Super Mario Eclipse (Super Mario Sunshine GC mod)

This one surprised me; I had heard of a number of great Sunshine hacks that expanded on the game a lot more, but this one combines elements of a lot of them into one to make basically the most definitive Super Mario Sunshine experience + features and worlds that really bring it together well.

For the basics, the game starts out introducing new movement options and changes from vanilla, which is great. The hover burst, basically a double jump that sacrifices the length of the hover for an added boost, and it makes the game play a lot better. The hover nozzle course shows off dive boosting so you can fly crazy distances, and the turbo nozzle no longer has a charge up and controls much easier. Yoshi has also been updated to hatch automatically without fruit, and in this state he can enter water without dying until he eats a fruit, in which case he changes back to normal behavior. It all adds to the controls Sunshine really struggles with, and while the base layer is still there they're vast improvements.

The game contains the entirety of the original Super Mario Sunshine, including the tedious blue coin hunt, but adds quite a few additional levels. The levels are now interconnected, with physical paths between them being separate mini-rooms that add a lot of character to the game and make the world feel cohesive. Delfino also has 4 new levels that tie directly into the game and link nicely as well, though you can clearly tell what is new content and what isn't just because of the way Level geometry works out. Still, it really brings the whole game together, and with additions such as not kicking you out when you get shines that don't require a reload and a pause-menu Shine/Blue coin counter you're not left struggling as much as the original Sunshine had you doing.

Once you beat Bowser, you unlock Daisy Cruiser and a bunch more levels that, while smaller than the Delfino levels, are still pretty fun in their own right. I would've liked it if they had kept with the tropical + interconnected themes with these levels personally, as I think the best one of these levels is Yoshi's Island which actually does, but still it's a great amount of new content. Daisy Cruiser and Peach Beach are brought in directly from double dash, so there's some scaling issues and problems with layout that could've used some work rather than a direct port, but again they're still pretty fun. There's 240 Shines in this game, with 420 Blue Coins, and even after that there's still a large chunk of game for the 100% completion bonus, so you'll be spending a LONG time with this if you really love sunshine.

If you've not revisited Sunshine in a long time or have the itch to pick it up again, this is definitely the best way to do it. Really rounds out what was otherwise a pretty incomplete feeling game into a cohesive world and fun experience.

[bluewavesofchange]

The guardians of the Pharaoh

The return of the Seal

I don't own Yugioh or it's characters

I know I haven't posted in a while, just been having a rough couple of days. But I'm back and will be uploading consecutively again.

Chapter 7: The road to devastation (part 1)

Yugi was watching from the puzzle as Yami used the shadows to get rid of the bikers, and honestly, it was rather terrifying to watch. Hearing the men’s screams as they are dragged into the darkness sent chills through him. he had seen what Rozu was capable of in the virtual world, and she had said that she taught Yami the same magic back in Egypt? Did that mean he was capable of such cruelty, too? Such monstrous things?

He can see the smirk forming on the others' faces as if he were enjoying this. This didn’t seem right. This wasn’t his Yami. Despite the Pharaoh’s protective nature and his loyalty to his friends and loved ones, he never found pleasure in the suffering of others. He needed to stop this before someone ended up dead. He tried to take over and send the spirit back into the puzzle, but for some reason, it wasn’t working. What was going on?! He watched as a shadow tendril wraps around one of the bikers necks and lifts him in the air, the man struggling as a large monster with thousands of teeth emerge from the darkness, the biker held over its mouth…

Yugi grabbed Yami’s arm despite being transparent and tried to get his attention, his aura glowing with light, “Yami STOP!” he screams at him…the spirit feels his little ones presence, hearing his voice as the shadows stopped moving…turning his gaze to the other, seeing the terror and worrying his amethyst eyes. He looks over at his friends, seeing the fear on their faces as they were huddled against the limo…he turned his attention back to the shadows that were swallowing up the bikers one by one…his eyes focusing on his hands as they started to tremble…what was he doing?

He curls his fingers into a fist before he tries to disperse the darkness, but it wasn’t working…they were starting to get out of hand. But there was a reason for that…

Rozu had been watching and enjoying the show, letting her own shadows mix in with the pharaoh’s, swallowing up the souls of the bikers one at a time, their spirits rejuvenating her, her power growing as she slowly took over Lillian’s body…the more souls she absorbed the stronger she became and soon she would be able to manifest a new physical body for herself…

However, her fun was over when Yugi stopped Yami from continuing the show of darkness. She watched as the teen tried to stop the shadows, so Rozu took over…slowly rising from the ground as a laugh leaves her throat, “I honestly have to say I wasn’t expecting this, my pharaoh.” Yami turned when he heard her voice, a glare on his face as he watches the woman, a shadow slithering its way over to her, a purr emitting from it as it moved up her body and nuzzling her face, the red head cooing at it, “You control is impressive for someone who has been out of the game for 5000 years.”

She waved her hand, summoning more shadow monsters and setting them loose on the rest of the bikers, tearing into their flesh and ripping their limbs from their bodies as their screams filled the air. The other teens didn’t know what to do as for the second time in just two they days they were forced to watch this demon of a woman slaughter people…

Yami wouldn’t stand for it any longer as the millennium puzzle starts to glow as a yellow eye appears on his forehead, taking command of the shadows and sending them back into the depth of the ancient artefact, the creatures shrieking as they tried to fight the power that was sucking them up and condemning them into their prison…Yami turns his attention to Rozu, determined to drag her back from whence she came…

Rozu felt the pull, and it might have worked if she was still weak, but her power had grown immensely since she had reawakened so many months ago. She disappeared into the darkness, reappearing before the pharaoh and grabs him by the throat, her claws digging into his flesh as he grabbed her wrist, a look of pure rage in her golden eyes as the sclera turning from white to black as her lips curled into a nasty snarl as her anger was taking over her, “How dare you try to send me back to that place!” she spat at him as she slams him into the ground, knocking the wind out of him as he keeps struggling to get free.

The shadows that hadn’t been sucked into the puzzle were going crazy, their screams and shrieks filling the air as they grew larger and larger, creating a large dome of darkness around everyone. Rozu lets go of Yami and towers over him as her scythe appears in her hands, screw her revenge and her plan, screw the boy who reminded her of her sister and fuck Atem! She was taking his head and hanging it over her throne when she returns to her world. The markings on her arms glow bright yellow as her begins to float around her, her aura turning a deep red as her skin started to turn black, her large leathery black wings shoots out of her back as she raises her weapon in the air, “You die today!”

Joey wasn’t gonna stand back and let his friend die, he grabbed one of the discarded pipes lying on the ground and charges at Rozu, throwing the pipe at her and knocking her in the back of the head, not harming her but distracting her as she turned her head 180 degrees to glare at the blond. Her cheeks split open to reveal her sharp teeth as she hisses at him, the teen stopping in his tracks at the sight. Ok maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. But it gave Yugi the chance to help as he took over, standing up quickly as he felt a wave of pure light energy flows through him, his eyes glowing as his body is engulfed in light, grabbing Rozu’s attention, turning back to face him as her eyes widen.

The short teen holds out his hand and a burst of energy explodes from him, the shadows screaming in pain as they are burned by the light, Rozu’s skin scorching as she cries in agony as she recedes back into Lillian’s mind…the girl’s body returning to her own as she collapses on the ground passed out…

The light subsides as Yugi returns to normal as well once the shadows were gone. He looks around at the area; none of the bikers were left. Well…they were safe at least...

Joey had rushed over to Lillian, kneeling down beside her, checking to see if she was ok as Yugi soon joined him. The raven head whimpers softly as her eyes open for a moment, seeing the two boys above her. She felt exhausted and sore all over…she knew Rozu had taken over again and she couldn’t stop it. It scared her that she couldn’t stop the witch…

She tries to sit up as Joey helps her, her brother looking at her with his eyes filled with concern, “Are you ok?” she gives a small nod…her hand moving to her stomach, feeling her little ones heart beat still going strong indicating he or she was still ok, “I…I’m fine…let’s just…get out of here before we get any more surprises…”

She mumbles as Joey and Yugi help her to stand. Joey didn’t look convinced, “Should we get ya to a docta or somethin?” Lillian shook her head, a soft smile on her face to try and reassure him, “I’m alright…we’re alright…” this seemed to do the trick as he nodded. Yugi raised a brow as he watched the twos exchange, wondering what they were talking about. Lillian tried to take a step but loses her balance. Joey stops her from falling and picks her up bridal style, “I got ya.” He turns to his friend, “Go make sure Téa and Tristian’s ok.” The shorter teen hesitates but heads over to his other friends.

The blond looks at Lillian for a moment, “Ya sure you and de baby are ok?” she rests her head against his shoulder as he carries her over to the limo as she nods, “We’re alright…little ones heart beat going strong…I just…need some rest…” Joey nods as he sets her down in the vehicle, taking off his green jacket and lays it over her, “Sleep as much as ya need te. My mom would be out for hours when she was pregnant with Serenity.”

The raven head couldn’t help but giggle a little, “You really are a wonderful guy...I’m sorry for giving you a hard time in the past…I’m glad we could be friends…” the teen grins proudly, “Same ere. Even doe I find yer taste in men questionable.” He laughs as she gives him a small shove, “I don’t get why you two hate each other so much…” the girl yawns softly as she winces while moving to get comfortable, “You two have more…in common than…you…think…” her eyes slowly close as her exhaustion takes over. Wheeler makes sure she’s comfy before going back to his friends to make sure they were alright…

Soon they were on their way again, heading for Industrial Illusions. Yugi was seated by the window, staring out of it as his mind was unsettled by what he had seen. Yami comes out for a moment, a sullen expression on his face. The shorter teen glances at him, his face softening, ~ You ok? ~ he asks through their link. Yami shakes his head, ~ I’m…not sure…I don’t know what came over me back there…~ in the moment he had heard the shadows whispering softly to him, encouraging him to continue tormenting the bikers…that they deserved it for trying to harm him and his friends…and honestly it felt so good to have that power…to have that control again…he could protect those closest to him…he can keep his angel safe…

But after seeing the look in Yugi’s eyes, the fear…it was something he never wanted to see again. Yugi rested his hand over Yami’s, the pharaoh seeing that sweet little smile again warmed his heart. The spirit leans over and presses a gentle kiss to the others cheek, ~ I would be lost without little one. ~ the teen blushes as he wanted nothing more than to go into the puzzle and give the other a proper kiss but unfortunately that couldn’t happen as they had arrived at their destination…

Lillian had woken up despite the small nap; she could sleep properly once they got this mess sorted out. They got out of the limo and headed into the building, finding nobody inside. The raven head kept her guard up as something didn’t feel right…and she was right to feel that way as the security gates slowly came down, looking the teens inside the building, trapping them.

The sound of a motorbike is heard and the teens sees a hooded figure drive into the room, stopping in front of them as Lillian stands in front of her brother…watching as the woman take off her helmet, revealing it to be Mai?! Where did that come from?!

The blond woman was dressed differently, her normal bright outfit of purple and white was replaced with dark edgy colours, a green stone hanging from her neck, the same duel disks that Lillian had seen on Raphael and Valon’s arms was on hers. Speaking of the morons, the raven head frowned when she saw the two of them standing on the balcony above, Alister standing beside them (having returned after the duel he tied with Seto). Just great.

Oh and to make matters more interesting, Mai challenged Joey to a duel, entrapping them both using the seal of Oricalcos. As it turns out the woman had felt abandoned by her so called friends after the events of Battle City…her time trapped in the shadow realm had left a nasty scar on her soul…the nightmares she had experienced for weeks after that had left her broken and feeling hopeless…feeling alone again…that she had no one. Even her reputation as a duellist had gone down the drain. She had taken part in several events after Battle City and even though she one it felt like it didn’t mean anything…she felt like she had lost her purpose, her reason for going on…her duellist spirit was broken…

But then one night when she was at her lowest Valon had shown up and given her chance to find a new purpose…he had taken her to master Dartz and shown her the power she could have if she gave herself to the Oricalcos…how strong she could become and what she was capable of…that she didn’t need those that had abandoned her…that she could stand on her own and that she would never feel so alone and weak again…

Joey tried everything to get through to her…to convince Mai that he truly cared about her…hell he even tried to reach out to her on several occasions to see how she was doing but she wouldn’t pick up the phone…he had thought she was just out there living her best life but apparently he was wrong. If he had known she was struggling so much he would’ve tried harder. She was their friend. Heck had nearly died trying to save her from Marik…twice actually.

And now he’s soul and hers was on the line if he couldn’t break through to her…he needed to find a way to end this duel without either of them losing…

And the answer came in an unexpected way…

Yugi and his friends were watching from outside the dome, watching as Joey was struggling and there was nothing they could do…until Yugi’s deck started to glow, well one of his cards specifically. The teen pulled out the card, seeing that it was the Eye of Thymus…the glow erupts into an over whelming light that over takes the room, blinding everyone…

The next thing Joey knew he was standing in a large room he didn’t recognise. A large crystal dragon before him, “De heck?” and that wasn’t the only strange thing…he hears humming coming from somewhere, turning to see a woman dressed in silver with long white hair entering the room, stopping when she sees the blond haired teen, her piercing blue staring at him as she tilts her head, a gentle smile on her face, “Greetings. Who might you be?” she slowly approaches the boy.

Joey is stunned silent, his eyes unable to look away from the beautiful woman before him, noticing the white scales on her skin. He swallows the lump in his throat as she slowly circles the teen, curiosity on her face as she examines his clothes and appearance, leaning in and inhaling his scent, humming softly, “You’re not from this world are you…” she steps closer, having no apparent idea of what personal space was as she continues to smell him…kinda weirding him out as he quickly steps away, a blush on his face, “Uh ok weird lady. Where I come from we don’t go around sniffing people like dat.” The woman tilts her head from side to side as she narrows her eyes and steps back, bowing her head, “My apologies…it’s just…you have the scent of my children on you.”

“I…huh?!” Wheeler was confused as all hell as eh looked down at his shirt before turning his attention back to the strange lady…noticing the sad look in her eyes as she looks up at the ceiling…the blonds gaze following hers as she sees the old mural…telling some kind of story about duel monsters…

“My son left this world 5000 years ago to find our other child…my daughter…she disappeared from this place nearly 10 000 years ago…I haven’t seen her for even longer than that…but I still remember her scent…the smell of the sea…of the first storm when the seasons change…” she turned her attention back to the teen, “I’m sorry for rambling. What brings you here stranger?”

Wheeler had no idea what she had been going on about but she genuinely seemed sad. He understands how difficult it is for a family to be separated…and she hadn’t seen her kids for so long was heart breaking…but he needed to focus. Why was he here anyways? He had been trying to find a way to save himself and Mai. And yet he was here now…

And the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that this situation was familiar…this was how Yugi got his Thymus card…the way his friend had told the story was just like this. But one of the dragons was missing…was there someone else here? He looks at the white haired woman and clears his throat, “Did someone else come through ere?” The lady raises a brow before she sighs softly, “I believe so…you’re the third person that’s past through here…and with each person that passes, one of the dragons are awoken…which probably means you have been sent here to release last one.”

Joey raises a brow as he looks up at the crystalized dragon, seeing the sword in its head, “How de heck am I supposed to get up dere?” he doesn’t notice the woman slowly shift…a shadow looms over Joey as he slowly turns around, his eyes nearly popping out of his head as he comes face to face with a large Blue Eyes White dragon, the beast letting out a small roar as it flaps its wings…leaning down with an open mouth.

Joey clenches his eyes shut as he covers his head with his arms, getting ready to be devoured because what else do you do in this situation?! Was any of this even real?! Or was this just another weird dream? Oh god was another giant version of Kaiba gonna show up and his gonna end up in another dog suit??

But nothing happened as the dragon gently took hold of the back of Joey’s clothes with her teeth and lifted him up, setting him on top of the other dragon. The blond slowly opens his eyes and lowers his arms as he looks over at the blue eyes, realizing no harm was gonna come to him. He looks at the sword, realizing the creature was helping him. It took him a second but he figures that the dragon had been the white haired woman from before…how…cool he guessed? He gives a small nod, “Thanks…” the dragon bows its head before stepping back and reverting back to her human form, a small smile on her face as she heads for the door…

Joey calls out to her, “I hope ya see yer kids again!” she stops and looks back at the strange boy, a tear forming in her eye before she leaves…Joey turns back to the sword and grips the handle…slowly pulling it out with some difficulty…a roar fills the room as Wheeler is once again blinded by light…

He finds himself back in the duel against Mai, a new card in his hand…The claw of Hermos…maybe he could use this to turn the duel around…

While this was all going on…3 unexpected figures show up…Duke Devlin who just so happen to be setting up a new shop in California…and Weevil and Rex…funny story how this came to be. The two idiots were being mugged and Duke just so happen to be there to save them. Weevil and Rex explains to him why they were there and that Yugi and the gang were here too and that they were headed to Industrial Illusions…

Wanting to see his friends again and to find out what was going on; he agrees to take the two kids to the company. They arrived a few hours to find the building was one lock down, peering through the window and finding Joey in a duel with Mai and the rest of gang trapped inside. Duke finds a way inside and finds the main control room and starts hacking into the system to get the security gates open…

Meanwhile Joey had gotten the upper hand in the duel but was still trying to find a way to save Mai…luckily he didn’t have as Valon had taken the incentive and dived head first off the balcony, slamming his ring that held one of infamous green stone into the glowing dome, breaking the seal of Oricalcos and once again the room is engulfed in light…the burst of energy coming from this sending the kids flying back and slamming into the wall, knocking them out.

When it all clears, Joey is left standing…Raphael and Alister had somehow gotten to the bottom floor to help Valon and Mai…the muscled blond using his own green gem to get the 4 of them out of there just as Seto and Mokuba arrived in the blue eyes jet…what a damn day it has been and it is far from over…

Joey heads over to his friends to help them up just as Duke had managed to get the security gate open. Yugi is the first to come to and rushes to his sister who showed no sign of waking up, the shock wave having knocked her out cold when she was slammed into the wall, her already weakened state wasn’t doing her any favours…the short teen was shaking her gently as he was calling her name…eventually a soft whimper leaves her lips her eyes opening for a brief moment…the world blurry around her, the voices calling her name sounded distant and hollow…the face figure was shaking her aching body, another tall figure joining him, kneeling beside her and resting warm hand on her cheek…she knew this presence…she had could feel his soul calling to hers as it did for so many years…the name she never thought she would utter again falling from her lips…“Tsuki…”

[fletchysohot]

V.

Lil' Blue Euros Star

You and Conor have been apart for way too long and he's worried about the next game in the Euros. Happy international break guys!

Word count: 2.7k

You adjust yourself against the pile of pillows stacked haphazardly against the headboard of your bed waiting for the FaceTime call to connect. Once the call connects your face falls when Conor doesn't greet you with his usual giddy smile. . The seemingly permanent brightness in his eyes has been replaced by a certain veil of dullness, his hair unstyled, messy, and unwashed,  his sticky locks falling against his cheek, framing the dark circles that have formed under  his eyes now absent of their cerulean spark. 

“Conor,” you let out and he just offers you a weak smile in return, most likely an attempt at calming your worries. 

“Are you feeling okay babe?” you ask him , your voice full of concern. 

“Yeah,” he says, laying his cheek on the pillow, a content sigh escaping his pale peach coloured lips, “just tired… been training hard.”

“You look awful.” Your eyebrows knit together in concern at the sight of the state the man is in.

“Thanks," he laughs, the skin by his eyes crinkling as a chuckle escapes his mouth. “I missed you too.”

“I'm sorry, I-” you fumble looking for words, trying your best to salvage the situation you've gotten yourself into. 

“I know,” he smiles reassuringly, nuzzling his face against the pillow to get more comfortable. “Do I really look that bad though?”

Your face must give away the answer since the man sighs, rubbing his tired face. “I just haven't been sleeping that well, you know?"

“Jude's snoring that bad?” You chuckle, trying to get him to light up, silently hoping that is the problem and it's nothing more serious.

“No, no,” he says absentmindedly, “Jude's a good roommate…”

“What's the issue then?” You search his face hoping for a hint of an answer or something to ease your mind. Conor would sometimes get nerves before big away games but this seemed different. 

The answer doesn't come instantly, your boyfriend looking around just to avoid meeting your gaze, slight shame clouding his features. 

“Babe?” you ask softly as if speaking to a frightened animal.

“I just… I know these few games are very important… I know a lot of people are watching. Nothing serious to worry about.” He searches for the right words to ease your worry. Or maybe he's trying to calm himself, reassuring himself. You silently wonder how many times he has said the same words to himself in the mirror, hoping they would feel less like lies and more like the truth. 

“Conor…” you frown seeing the subtle remnants of past emotions linger in his features - the way his youthful features are made heavy and older with worry, the way his bottom lip is red and coarse probably from him biting it when he thinks too much, the absence of the familiar rosiness from his soft cheeks. Conor looks so unlike himself it makes you want to tell him to come home now so you can protect him from the world. You are brought out of your thoughts however when he speaks again. 

“They wanna potentially sell me you know." He averts his eyes to play with a loose thread sticking out of the pillowcase his cheek is currently laid on. You frown seeing his icey eyes briefly become misty before he blinks the frustration and sadness away. You hate seeing him like this, helpless and deflated. The past few months have not been kind to him, between fans losing hope in him and everyone having an opinion to share between people on social media and pundits. He had bravely held up a front for you but now the whisperings of Chelsea selling him as part of their summer clearout had obviously become the final straw that broke his back. Your heart broke to see him push himself to the limit, often coming home barely being able to keep his eyes open at the dinner table. 

“You have to take it easy though Con,” you say, finally breaking the brief silence that has fallen between the two of you. 

“I have to prove to them that-" his voice is laced with frustration and fatigue as he tries to mask the anger threatening to appear on his face. You know he is trying to keep his head down, work as hard as he can for both club and country. He had always been adamant that actions speak louder than words adopting it as his work ethic, however somehow no matter how hard he would work and push himself it was not enough to keep up with the expectations from the people who held his faith in their hands. And even though he was insistent it didn't bother him too much it was clear to you that was getting to him. But both of you knew Conor would not run his mouth and rather keep it in until he could leave it out on the pitch.    

“No you need to listen to your body,” you say firmly. “We can't have you pick up an injury."

“Babe I'm fine.” His voice becomes shaky once again. 

“Conor you look horrible.” You sit up in frustration. You know you are being harsh to the man on the other side of the screen, but you want, no, need to shake him and make him snap out of it before his inherent need to please people gets him hurt. 

“Please listen to me,” you plead, “ you have to be more careful. I want you home in one piece, not on crutches.”

“I have to prove to the club that-” he starts again, his voice laced with frustration and anger, you know it's not directed at you, but you feel your face turn sour.

“If the club is too blind to see what you bring-” You raise your voice, aware in the back of your mind that the conversation is beginning to move dangerously close to an argument. 

“The club has made a ton of signings. Guys who are younger, fitter, more talented than me and if I don't step up my game and earn my place I'll end up benched forever or worse…” you see his face tense as if holding something back. “sold.”

“Why would getting sold be so bad though?” You say without thinking, too caught up in wanting to eliminate the way his eyes are full of hurt and exasperation.. . 

He looks at you in surprise. Him leaving Chelsea has been lingering in the air for a while now, an unspoken subject that neither of you ever dared breach. Both of you very aware that it has been the reason for Connor to wear himself thin, for the small arguments about seemingly mundane problems. However it is also the one subject you and Conor would not dare touch due to fear of it consuming him completely.  

“Chelsea is my home,” he says after a moment, his PR training kicking in.

“Conor.” you say tiredly.

“Chelsea is my home” he says again. His voice quieter, like he's reassuring himself more than informing you. You know lately he's been having his moments of doubt whether he and the club have become too distant from each other, whether he has outgrown his roots, whether it's time for a new challenge. You cannot help but wonder if with the plethora of changes at the club Conor still feels has a home at Stamford Bridge. 

“Conor,” you say, “I know you love Chelsea, I know it's home, but you know no one would blame you-” you soften your voice speaking slowly, carefully observing any changes in his expression. 

Conor looks at you as if asking “are you kidding me?”

“Okay SOME people would blame you… All I'm saying is - moving to a club that loves you and cherishes you wouldn't be that bad… I just… I hate seeing you like this baby. I'd rather you move than run yourself into the ground trying to prove something they should already know. I just worry about you, you know.” The words fall from your mouth before you have a chance to catch them. You close your eyes and hold your breath bracing for the wrath that may follow now that you have overstepped the unspoken boundary that is Conor and his football career. 

When you don't hear a reaction you open your eyes expecting him to be furious or having hung up on the call. You would deserve it for taunting him like that. But all you are met with is pain in his eyes. 

“Your whole life is here,” he says calmly. He looks soft and tired and defenceless almost like an angel. You feel as if he has laid down his weapons, unwilling to fight or argue, completely at your mercy. The moment feels incredibly intimate, you know Conor has never let his guard down like this in front of you. He is the type to grit his teeth and suffer alone in silence. And yet here he is, offering you himself completely. He's tired of being the strong one, always saying the right thing, looking the right way, not a hair out of place even after playing a 120 minute match in a UCL final.  

“My whole life is wherever you are Conor.” You offer him the words he has yearned to hear for what feels like forever, an olive branch of sorts. 

The man shuffles, about to say something but you cut him off. “I can work from anywhere, wherever you are that's where I want to be, if that means I might have to get up earlier to take a train or have a few business trips here and there just to see you doing whatever you love and glowing, I'll do it.”

For the first time that evening Conor's face lights up with the familiar smile that finally reaches his eyes reigniting a spark the size of a forest fire that has been dormant for months now ,making you feel like all your problems melt away for a moment. Seeing the glow return to Conor's features makes your chest ache with longing to kiss him, to run your fingers through his hair, to feel his body shake as he laughs at your antics. You watch him, counting the freckles on his nose and mapping out each millimetre of his smile, the way the corners of his lips curl upwards.

“I love you,” you say smiling, “so so much.”

“Where is that coming from?” he chuckles, a certain sparkle dancing in his eyes.

“I don't know… I just wanted to say it," you felt a blush creep onto your cheeks. “I miss saying it to you in real life."

“I'll be home soon enough,” he murmurs hiding his face in the pillow most likely trying to hide his own love sick grin and blush. “Just tomorrow's game and…”

“And you'll do amazing,” you smile tilting your head to the side watching him look at you with one eye.. 

“Think Southgate is benching me.” he groans and just like that the forest fire turns into a candle flame in his eyes. 

“Well I'll be hoping for bench cam then." You notice a small smile ghost his lips, “Now do you wanna hear about my extremely boring day that had zero football involvement?”

“PLEASE!” he yelps, “Go into detail as much as you can."

You chuckle at his excitement and begin to tell him about how you had been, what you had eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner, the dogs you had seen on the street, work and office gossip. Conor's eyes flutter shut about half way through the in-detail analysis of the newest episode of the tv show you were watching to pass the time. You spend a moment admiring how peaceful he looks dozed off, not disturbed by everything going on in his head at the moment and all the worries haunting his waking hours. You wish you could wrap your arms around him, move the strands of hair out of his face, drape a blanket over him so he's not cold, to be able to draw circles on his shoulder as he slept but alas you have to settle for the tiny screen in which he lived, what had felt like a permanent situation as of late. 

The game had been a stalemate since the beginning of the game. Any attempt at scoring by England had been eliminated by the North Macedonian defence and a few mistakes by the England squad. As Conor had predicted, Southgate had opted to bench him and play Mason instead, citing that he was a better fit for today's strategy. Once you saw the lineup and Conor out of the starting XI you felt your stomach drop, knowing he probably blamed himself for not doing enough, reciting all the foul things people on Twitter would toss his way. At the 79th minute the other team's centre back did a dirty move on Jude making him stay on the ground gripping his knee. Your breath hitched as you watched the medics and his teammates crowd around the teen tending to him, you had seen Conor's teammates limp off with serious injuries what felt like countless times now, seeing the same fate hit someone as young as Jude broke your heart. Luckily the boy was on his legs in a few minutes being helped off the pitch by a medic and Mason. You would have to remember to get an update on that from Conor later. The camera on the big screen panned to the dugout where Conor was stood next to Southgate being briefed as he still adjusted his kit. trying to haphazardly stretch his muscles and warm up. 

You felt yourself shift in your seat, almost spilling your drink as you craned your neck to get a better view, earning a chuckle from Sasha who was sat next to you. Your eyes followed Conor like your life depended on it watching him run wherever the ball went. You could feel your heart beat faster and faster by the minute. Every time someone got close to Conor you would hold your breath until you knew he was safe from danger. When extra time rolled around you felt yourself slouch in the seat. They had five minutes to create a good chance that would bring them a win. You watched as the rest of the midfield played tightly passing between each other while Conor ran around them looking for empty spaces to cover everyone else. Finally at the 92nd minute he had the ball at his feet skillfully outrunning the other team, not letting them get the ball. You could see him desperately searching for a teammate to pass to, but everyone was too far or being covered by the other team's players. Conor pulled back his leg and shot for the goal causing you to yelp. Your heart stopped in the minute as you watched the ball fly through the air followed by the entirety of the stadium erupting in cheers. Connor was surrounded by his teammates hugging him and cheering. You felt your friends pat you on your back and tell you congrats as you couldn't keep the bright grin off your face until the whistle blew signalling the end of the game. You watched as Conor ginned at the crowd clapping his hands above his head doing his round with his teammates surrounding him with matching smiles. For the first time in ages you felt like the fans loved him the same way you did, even if their love would pass soon enough, you hoped he would soak it in while it lasted. And by the looks of it he was doing exactly that as Conor looked elated-like he had just won the World Cup with England and with that erased any doubts or worries that could have found home in his mind. He walked around the pitch clapping his hands above his head at the crowd, however his eyes searched for you in the crowd. Once he got sight of you his grin spread even wider. You mouthed a “I'm so proud of you” at him, not sure if he discovered it, but judging by the way he threw his head back in joy he knew exactly what you had tried to communicate. 

[jo-harrington]

20 Questions for Fic Writers Game

Thank you for the tags @the-unforgivenn @wroteclassicaly @onegirlmanytales @word-wytch

It's always fun to learn more about friends through these games.

1) How many works do you have on A03? - 10, technically.

2) What's your total AO3 word count? - 206k

3) What fandoms do you write for? - Currently Stranger Things. I used to write for The Vampire Diaries. I have a lot of half-abandoned never published fics for a bevy of fandoms though.

4) What are your top five fics by kudos? - The Store Manager Verse, Freaky Friday, Heaven, Hymns, Hell

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? - Uhm...AO3 is pretty new to me...so I haven't responded to them on there yet really. On Tumblr I try to respond/reblog most comments. Lately I've fallen off the wagon, see my earlier post about my brain being broken.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? - I would say As Above, So Below is pretty angsty as a whole. All 3 prequels- Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory.

7) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? - As of now, Freaky Friday because it's the only fic that has an ending, truly.

8) Do you get hate on fics? No.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kinds? - Yes, I'm very poetic with it. I'm not writing smut for the sake of smut. There are writers on here that do it very well. Smut as a plot device, smut for symbolism...that's me. We're about to get into 3 smut-heavy chapters of AASB and sorry but every time someone cums, it's going to have a lot of meaning behind it. Earth shattering orgasms can also potentially shatter the earth here.

10) Do you write crossovers? - Yes, a long time ago a friend and I tried to flesh out Auror Ron Swanson (Parks and Rec/HP). It never went anywhere.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? - Not that I’m aware of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? - Again, not that I'm aware of.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? - See #10. I am also currently (i.e. have been since 2017) co-writing a original story with an IRL friend. It's a passion project kind of situation/escapism. We don't get together very much and she is very much the type to want to rewrite every scene 4 times and that's not my thing.

14) What's your all time favorite ship? - It’s a tie between Steddie and Ronance.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? - My Vampire Diaries Fic that sits at 500k in a Word Document somewhere and no longer exists online. I even made a TikTok about it once upon a time. FUNNY HOW THAT WORKS.

16) What are your writing strengths? - I don't know. I'm not too critical of myself in this work. I know when I'm doing something right? How about that. My confidence. It isn't misplaced. When I strike gold and I can really mine that vein and I am always proud of my work when I hit post. (Cut to my friends who are like "really Jo? you asking me about xyz at 3am isn't very confident.")

17) What are your writing weaknesses? - I don't edit anything. Probably more than that. Like I said, I'm not too critical of this work.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? - Is it integral to the story? Are you using that dialogue to emphasize something in the story? Do you know the language? Do your readers know it? Something something, I could talk about this more in-depth, if you're really interested in my thoughts on it it's gonna have to be on another day. I've used a handful of non-English words in AASB as a whole, but there's a reason for them. Lets just leave it at that.

19) First fandom you wrote for? - YuGiOh.

20) Favorite fic you've written? - As Above, So Below. It's my baby, it means a lot to me. Once it's done, I'm going to be incredibly sad. It doesn't get a lot of love now, and honestly I'm kind of ok with that. Because the love it does get...I know the people who are reading it are aware of all the weight it holds, and they're able to pick up on all of the complexity of it. It isn't fanfiction in the traditional sense, I don't think. Our favorite characters just happen to be in it.

No Pressure Tags: @deathbecomesthem @dr-aculaaa @deadboyfriendd @abibliophobiaa @loveshotzz @pinkrelish @icallhimjoey @wheels-of-despair @shenanigans-and-imagines