#but periods do make me really dysphoric for some reason and I don't really know how to deal with that

[thethingything]

I forgot that being on our period fucks us up emotionally and gives me really bad dysphoria. that would maybe explain why we've been struggling so much with triggers that aren't normally a huge issue

[windwardstar]

Sometimes it really jumps out at me that oh wow I am trans and wow cis people really are cis (and trans women really do be women) Because like.

I heard Amanda Bynes had a ton of dysphoria having to dress up and be treated as a boy for she's the man which was like oh wow ok yeah i guess i can see how for someone who is not a guy being treated as one even for an acting role would be dysphoric. And like despite all the failings of that movie middle schooler me saw that movie and was like that is the dream. Pretend to be a boy. Amazing.

And all the movies where the teen girls stuff theirs bras and the "bosoms!" bit from Anne of green gables that I was always just ???? Why would you??? But apparently they really do want bigger chests and are excited for them. That women who get masectomies for cancer get reconstructive surgery to give them their chests back because a flat chest gives them dysphoria.

And like. There was someone at choir who just like vehemently rejected the suggestion of wearing the tux/"men's option" when I mentioned it as an alternative to the dress she didn't like. And like. It was the same reaction I have to the suggestion to wear a dress.

And all the hellish aspects of puberty I went through the transfemme friends excitedly talk about getting and wanting because those are desirable gender affirming things for them.

And just. The whole "the only trans people are trans women" narrative from before I knew there were other options was just yeah I'm with the guys on this one why would someone want to be a woman, (and like, the problem is those guys don't want to be women either so it runs into the same brain wall of can't fathom someone making that choice) but I can totally imagine actually wanting to be a guy. And how like, when approaching the concept with cis people you gotta frame it as them being the gender they are because they don't want to be another one and can find it really hard to imagine wanting to be (aka if you're running into a wall with cis men who are only aware of trans women bring up trans men, because they absolutely get dysphoria of being mistaken for a girl and misgendered as a girl. Like so much of toxic masculinity is weaponised misgendering).

But it's like. Ah yes the fact so many things I find incredibly dysphoric others find gender affirming and the reverse also being true is always just a little world tilting bc oh wow right not everyone hates/loves this gender thing, but also like nice confirmation that if there was any doubt of me being trans that no in fact your experiences are not considered the default normal and that is very much a trans thing.

Also tangent associated thought like. There is a whole "woman dressed as a man and lived as a man for xyz reason but wasn't actually a trans man/masc" which like ok I can accept that there are women who for brief periods dressed as men in order to achieve some goal or something but like... seeing how cis people respond to being miagendered that is causes dysphoria even short term and knowing as a trans person how hellish dysphoria is like... why isn't that an aspect in any of these discussions (and if it is why have i not heard it yet)? Like dressing as and being treated as a gender you are not for years or decades or the entire rest of your life is hell. So why would someone willingly do that? Like obviously we can't ask the historical figures that and we shouldn't say whether or not they experienced dysphoria from dressing either way (unless there's like actual documented proof) but like idk. This kind of just occurred to me and now I'm like. A) the default assumption always seems to be this is a cis woman presending to be a man unless we have explicit proof to the contrary and even then ignore that to say she's a woman but then B) how have I basically never heard any reports on how these "cis women" hated being misgendered (like I'm sure there were some and I would love if we could find these reports bc it would really help highlight the difference between dressing up as a man bc women couldn't xyz and trans man dressed as a man and when found out used the excuse of only pretended to be a man for xyz to avoid being punished for you know being trans)

[praublem-child]

General Info

I'm starting off this page with some general information so you're not going in blind. I'm also gonna put some of the biggest trigger warnings in here, but this and my featured tags are what's going to be updated as time goes on. I'd also like to mention that I am coming from Twitter because it's only going further downhill and I like making long posts. Everything else on here is backdated so it matches. This post will also be updated as things change.

Last Updated: 1/20/24

If you'd like to help me support myself you can leave a tip on any of these posts, or visit my gofundme page. I don't expect anything though, so don't feel pressured: https://gofund.me/8bee166f

I don't feel like giving a backstory, but I'll answer questions if anyone wants to know more about what's going on or why something took so long to deal with, but the majority of the reason is medical neglect, and no one believing me.

These are the conditions I've been diagnosed with followed by the age I was diagnosed: Seasonal Allergies (3), Seasonal Affective Disorder (6), General Anxiety Disorder (10), Major Depressive Disorder (12), Social Anxiety (12), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (14), Insomnia (14), Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (16), Selective Mutism (17), Social Phobia (17), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (17), Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (18), Migraines (18), Inappropriate Sinus Tachychardia (18), Autism Spectrum Disorder (19), Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension (formerly Pseudotumor Cerebri) (19)

As a small child, I also had issues with Jaundice and low muscle tone, but both have been resolved since then. I also have struggled with an off-and-on eating disorder that's only fueled by my sensory issues.

As of right now, I'm in the process of being assessed for other disorders. My mother thinks there's something going even more wrong than pcos with my menstrual cycle (she also has pcos and doesn't get violently ill on her period like I do), the doctors have given the diagnosis of IST, but they don't believe that that's all there is to it, so we're looking for another explination for my high heart rate which may include POTS, and my cortisol levels are consistently coming back abnormally high for no known reason so that's also being looked into.

I use mobility aids (mainly orearm crutches, along with occasionally a rollator or cane) when going out, but sometimes I use them at home during flare ups. I currently use SmartCrutches, and as my symptoms are being brought under control hopefully I'll be free of them soon.

I started medical marijuana in June of 2023 due to my pain and ptsd, and so far it's been really helpful. I mainly microdose with mints in the morning to stop my nausea and shaking, without them I'm bedbound for a few hours after waking up. It also helps a lot with panic attacks and meltdowns.

Everything above this will be talked about frequently, but here's a more full list of trigger warnings for the account: Eating Disorders, Childhood Neglect and Abuse, Intrusive Thoughts, Poor Health Discussions, AFAB Health Conditions, Medical Treatments, Medications, Suicidal/Self Harm Thoughts, Medical Neglect, Medical Marijuana, General Mental Health Struggles, Neurodivergence, Migraines, Mobility Aids, and general life stuff

[gen-x-genderqueer]

I have a pre-intake call with someone at the gender clinic tomorrow, they have care coordinators, so I guess this is about that. Anyway, I'm making a list of concerns. This is long and pretty personal, so it's going to go under a cut....

The Major Problems

My PMDD is bad. This is the biggest reason why my therapist is pushing me to at least talk to someone about hormones. I had a history of being seriously suicidal (as in actual attempts) when I was a teenager and then things settled down for a while. Now that I'm actually going through perimenopause though, it's gotten really unstable. The level of PMDD I'm having right now is close to that bad; although I have better coping tactics so I'm not actually suicidal.

My cycles are often 18-21 days long, sometimes as short as 16 or 17. Even with two LONG cycles (over 36 days), I still had 15 cycles in 2022. That means 15 rounds of severe PMDD.

I am experiencing "vaginal dryness" (more specifically vulval dryness) that periodically makes me feel like I'm about to come down with a UTI. Ick.

Hot flashes.

Based on the PMDD alone, I think it would probably be a good idea to shut down my cycles (at the ovarian level, so not uterine ablation). Probably this means some sort of oral contraception, progesterone minipill or testosterone. But the last two symptoms are usually treated with estrogen so... I don't really know this is where I need a doctor who has more knowledge & expertise.

The Big T

Part of why I'm specifically looking at going to a gender clinic for treatment is that I want to be able to talk to them about T. I had always said "Oh, if I had known that I could be nonbinary and take T when I was 25 I would have totally done that." But I'm also really resistant to medicalization, and without any other motivators, I really would rather just not see a doctor. At all. (OK, maybe if I have pneumonia or a UTI.) This was a major reason why I put off having breast reduction surgery for many years, I just didn't want to have medical care if I didn't absolutely have to.

Anyway... back to the question at hand... If I need to see someone for perimenopause reasons, then I want it to be someone I can talk to about low dose testosterone without them running away screaming. Apparently, using small amounts of T in menopausal cisgender women is useful, but controversial because everyone is so worried about "masculinization." Like... No. I'm really not worried about that. But I don't want to have to sit in a sterile little medical room and have to educate my provider.

So, here's how I feel about possible effects of T...

Menstrual cessation: Uh... see above! This would be a good thing.

Voice changes: YES PLEASE! This would be my number 1 positive!

Bottom growth: I would be into this, but it wouldn't be a major goal.

Facial/body hair: This one I'm kinda on the fence about. I mostly do not want facial hair for the sole reason that I pull it out with my fingernails. It's not a healthy fidget. 😬 Hair other places, I'm cool with it, I don't really care that much. Right now, I choose to shave my armpits, but literally only because I feel like antiperspirant works better if I do and I don't like damp pits.

Hair loss: Oh HELL NO! And this is a huge one because I'm old enough that if I was a cisgender guy, I would be having hair loss right now. Big no on having that happen.

Body changes: Look, I work out. I lift heavy. I already have a good deal of muscle and I'd be stoked to increase that. (If you didn't know I was a GenX gymrat before, the word "stoked" would be a major clue.) Changes in bodyfat distribution are more ho-hum. I'm not dysphoric about my butt or anything, but I'd be OK with subtle changes.

Facial structure/jawline changes: I'm alright with this. I might be more enthusiastic if I understood what it will look like on me.

Vaginal dryness/atrophy: Uh... I'm already on the road to this and it's one of the reasons I'm seeking perimenopause care. So this is going to need to get dealt with one way or another.

[detransdamnation]

in your opinion, what are plausible reasons for someone to think and feel they are trans? Also do you believe trans people who say there was nothing that made them trans, that they simply always were and thats why they are the ”real” trans people who need to transition otherwise their life will be hell and misery no matter what until they get the body their were meant to have, period

have a beautiful day/night🖤

If someone believes themselves to be of, or meant to be, the opposite sex or some other variety of gender, they have dysphoria. I don't really care to analyze it beyond that because I don't believe that the desire to transition is, or has the potential to be, ultimately rational. Outstanding factors can certainly influence this desire—but at the end of the day, that desire would not exist if dysphoria did not. So, I do not believe that "plausible reasons" exist because dysphoria does not follow patterns of logical reasoning.

I fundamentally disagree with the idea that "nothing" could play a part in most anything, simply because we do not exist in a vacuum. However, we need to remember that many trans people start(ed) identifying as such incredibly young, so a lot of the time, it truly does feel like we have "always" been this way. Even for those of us who logically understand that we have not always identified as trans, it can be difficult to reconcile that emotionally because we frequently chalk all of our pre-existing emotional turmoil up to untreated dysphoria once we discover it and that muddies our perception of our past selves overtime. I started identifying as trans before I was even a teenager, and because I spent so many years telling myself that everything else I was feeling and experiencing up until that point was all due to dysphoria, whether in whole or in part, it is now difficult for me to look at my pre-trans past with an analytical lens. I cannot tell what was dysphoria, what was not, even when it exactly began. It is therefore very easy for me to feel that I have "always" been trans when I am feeling dysphoric—because I cannot remember being anything different. I don't believe it's necessarily important to zero in on whether or not someone has "always been trans" in the literal sense when transness is all I, and many other trans people, consciously know today.

Finally, for however much an anecdote is worth, in my time in the trans community, it was extremely rare—not to mention looked down upon—to see a trans person use their "real" trans status as leverage against another. It honestly doesn't make sense to even say because when gender is up to personal interpretation, you cannot be wrong or "fake." I never like ending an answer abruptly, but... I really don't have any other thoughts beyond this. Proclamations of being a "real" trans person mean nothing when the definition of "truly trans," even within the community itself, is so variable. The only consistent parameter seems to be whether or not you go on to detransition, in which case your identity was never true in the first place. So, maybe it's a controversial stance—but when most trans people would use the argument as an opportunity to discount my experiences as a trans person in a heartbeat, I simply do not have the ability to care if they are "really" trans or not. That does not influence my opinions on transition or gender identity in general.

Whether I believe what trans people say about their own identity and wishes on behalf of does not matter. Nobody needs my blessing to do what they already have their heart set on. Do I believe that some people are just destined to transition? No, I do not. But I do believe in—and experience—the distress that causes one to lead themselves to believe that this is true. It is an expression of pain and desperation. I try to choose compassion in response to that.

I hope this all made sense.

[incarnateirony]

Hey Aaron, I was wondering if you would be comfortable sharing whether you have felt more dysphoria or euphoria? The reason I ask is because there's a guy that I followed before they knew that they were trans. He mentioned that they never felt super dysphoric about there body but instead felt incredibly euphoric once they started to transition.

Also what's with the uptick of weird asks? Maybe start to reply to them in emojis they may be able to understand better.

Here's the fun thing: I didn't realize I had dysphoria because nobody could ever be clear about what dysphoria was, and with the media narrative, despite fleeting thoughts in life, I looked in the mirror like, yep, that's my face, I don't hate it. That sure is some kind of face. Solid 6/10 it's an ok face.

It took some major changes in my life to actually reconnect with sensations and stuff I had run from.

There's a thing about the transmasc community. There's like, the stereotype of the suddenly horny as hell trans man, and it's yet again one of those "Stereotypes exist for a reason" things. It happened before me, it happened to me, and it's happened to friends after me. A lot of us vaguely identify in the ace spectrum a long time because we shoved our impacted boners down so hard and often walled off from sexual engagements that brought up thoughts from different angles and so on. (To clarify bc this is tumblr, I'm not saying "all ace ppl are actually trans", just that it's sorta an umbrella a lot of us hide under while also often starting at they/them because culturally internalized misandry makes us go ME??? GUY??? NAWWWWWWWWW.)

Euphoria IDK if I'd consider it that. I mean, sure, nice, you're gendering me that right, I appreciate that, but I'm still a ways out on being where I want visually. I've reached more Anomaly status where not everybody guesses the same or stares weirdly or avoids pronouns. I'm now "That one" at my regular corner store. The local weed peddler got into a fight with other peeps locally about what gender they all think I am. I'm a walking androgyne. So IDK? Not really?

But I find a lot of "I don't have dysphoria" becomes [gets nuked by a sudden boner we haven't effectively firewalled out] MAN DOWN MAN DOWN. shecallsmecrustdaddy

The lack of discussion of this forwardly due to the increasing creep of conservative sex-badism creeping into liberal spaces just kinda obscures this for a lot of us. To the point supposed allies not only once cornered me in a femme mosh pit of justifying how I understand male perspective, but while demanding to know What Men Think Of Attractive Women like taking a mallet to the source of all dysphoria WHILE setting up the Man Bad acme trap for me.

I had a very Not Fun valentines day this year despite my valentine pitch itself going swimmingly, thanks Allies(TM).

No seriously I will die mad about the events of February 14 2023, and frankly, this supposed community was so insufferable during that period, I almost chose to do so promptly.

But that goes to say, any positive feeling of gendering is a far more passive form than the electrocution directly to my spinal pierogi when the phantom boner button is getting slammed.

I don't know, maybe there's other less... neurological? forms of dysphoria. I don't know. Ever since opening up and fully accepting what's going on internally with me both mentally and physiologically, the joke buzzer effect is diminished and just replaced with the horns, it's like the mental internal electrocution was there to try to tame it out of reaching my conscious mind. I do not know how to describe it, it isn't as dramatic as a full blown real electrocution (I've also survived one of those) but I mean the. I don't know. The neural shock of dissonance being sharp and making things fuzzy.

So I don't deal with that shit as much anymore either, but I dont think I'd be like, omg, over the moon about being the 1,000th trans man to overcompensate and grow a werewolf beard? Like half of it is accepting my body is half transitioning in that direction anyway, I'm growing a goatee pre-T, so??? IDK??? I just keep on living as me, just less pelvic sparklers shooting rockets up my spine to offline my brain these days.

My form of dysphoria is/was like my own brain trying to do its own gay conversion therapy shocks in the background until my sex drive was totally buried. Even without T, the second THAT bullshit was unpacked my life got better. But I lived with it so long I just marked it under Shit I Considered Normal Cuz I Didnt Hate My Face Or Whatever. Any external modifications I make is a mix of leaning into what my body is doing anyway on the intersex spectrum while just minimizing confusion and conflicts on why I literally Cannot Think Like The Other Girls. And not in the "teehee im not like the other girls" way. There are just. There's primitive and basal shit that people would clutch pearls about, from sexual, social and psychological. I'm not about to go into Male Brain Vs Female Brain because it's not that fuckin straightforward but like. It's just a thing. I was literally on T and androgens in utero because of my mom. It fundamentally adjusted my development. Me living my whole life with teen-boy testosterone they tried to bury under estrogen and made me obese with certainly has its effect on the brains neuroplasticity and that's what I can say about that.

To be entirely blunt about this, long long ago I was a horny whore, I fisted my way across half the continental US. But then I settled down with a wifey who kept claiming I was being Too Man, complaining I move Like A Man, asking why I move Like A Man, implying it was too aggressive or hurt her despite *no* signs of that in the moments or calls to stop beyond the good old tap-out five orgasms in that you stop, like. That fucks with you, and you start realizing something is different about you, and you just don't want to think about sex anymore because omg too man and might hurt them but most of all she doesn't think about it like I do, it must not just be a lesbian thing? She never stopped to consider the effects that had on why our bed went cold, and sure as shit she wasn't gonna initiate. Because again, casually making me the husband both in social convo and between the sheets. That was on me. Even when we rekindled our relationship guess who was giving and guess who was taking. Never clicked. No accountability. Just pompoms on to an easier fight to struggle with, further ahead on the road for her to benefit from, never recognizing her culpability in psychologically fucking me over, while I mutter out the window quietly after trying to talk about phantom boners as an idea she dismisses while plotting to throw me out. So that part was always there. I just put my dick in the box so deep I zapped it out of my brain until I forgot why I got zapped any time intimacy came up, or why I wanted to shut down. And I find, while stories aren't necessarily identical, a LOT of suddenly horny trans guys uproot some similar trauma before--yeah.

Also said ex wife's behavior is why it's so offensive she keeps stealing my shit. I have made sure she will be haunted for life over her Rumpocky Pagan shit. Bitch that's mine as much as Crustdaddy is, and you keep your hands off that name, because that's mine and hers, not yours, and you have no respect for anything. Or stealing my self insert hermes patron character designs for herself, and so on. Like maam you're stealing my trans struggles of over a decade as your branding post-divorce, go die in a lemon-fueled fire. Not my fault you lost the best shit you ever had and keep pining after it and trying to re-enact it.

[ohleander]

3.13.23

When I grabbed my laptop, I felt like I just had so much to say and yet here I am with brain farts and nothing of substance coming out. A silent but deadly? Nah..

One thing on my mind today is how well I'm starting to understand my cycle and how excited I am to keep understanding it. My regular human hormonal cycle is an incredible force to understand. Now that I know that I reset myself every month in more ways than just "emotional and bleeding" I reset myself in the same way the moon gets full and new again each month. I, too need a period of extra rest and its friggin natural! I'm not supposed to be the same every day but I can accomplish SO much in a month if I know how to use my energy right. I am so on the right track and I keep staying uncomfortable because I keep growing like crazy. I'm glad I don't feel the same all the time, even when I go through long periods of turmoil. I'd rather feel too much than not enough. And I go through periods of that, too. Sometimes the idea of emotions is so foreign and sometimes I'm drowning in them.

There have been so many times in my life when I wished to change my body for gender euphoric reasons and for right now, I'm glad I made the choice to try to understand my body and its cycles before I did any alterations to it.. It has only given more validity to my feelings on gender, too! I found out that I naturally feel a lot better when I have more testosterone in me and I feel the most dysphoric most often during my luteal phase. I still have a lot to learn about the science behind it but a lot of folks who take T say that they feel more balanced and right but consistently. I also know males who have low T due to sickness and they have a hard time emotionally when their testosterone is really low. I cant help but wonder if taking T would help me feel more consistent and even. I think when I make the decision, I'd like to try low dose first.. and more exercises rather than top surgery.. I'm still getting comfortable honoring my body as a vessel, I'd like to not change it too much yet.. and some things I can always change.. surgeries I cant change.. I don't feel like I would regret getting top surgery because I've wanted it for as long as I've had boobs. I do fear the hormonal repercussions of getting top surgery, and if I did decide to have a baby I'd like to feed them through my body, if I could. So many thoughts and things to consider and they're all pretty valid. Maybe one day I'll be at a point where I'm making these choices.. for now its just something I think about a whole lot.

Another thing I think of a whole lot is publishing a book... any kind of book and so many books. I could honestly keep writing forever and ever if I had this computer in front of me. Sure I go blank sometimes, but if I just start talking about that, I somehow worm my way out of blankness and into a topic. One day I want to write about plants and of people. I want to write essays, musings & philosophies. I remember sitting and the round table one day with dad and telling him after high school that I wanted to be a philosopher.. I noted that philosophy was a class that could be taken at college.. and somehow I never got to take that class... maybe one day I will. Or else I cal learn it on you tube.

I have a hard time not letting the songs that are stuck in my head dictate my personality for the day. I suppose its kinda my duty to make sure I'm listening to easygoing music instead of ozzy and meg myers. But the hardcore songs are so good to get the energy up.

Speaking of I honestly love my commute each morning. I've got to pay better attention to my driving that I have lately. I'm lucky, I've been a distracted driver as of late (I think its the manic episode, aka ovulation) and I really gotta chill. I've been dissociating more lately too. One thing that's a bit concerning is the fact that ovulation time often feels like a manic high for me, the surge of hormones is through the roof. the extra hormones feel really good but its almost over electrifying.

ahh I took a melatonin tonight and I can feel it working. I am blessed, the past couple of nights I haven't woken up with a lot of cortisol anxiety.. we'll see though.. melatonin can often do strange things to the mind at night.. I'd like to sleep all the way through until 5, please! and then lovely loose and lanky lucid sleep..

LA

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

(Urgent) Hello! I really need help, I already searched on the internet but didnt find a satisfying answer so I really hope you'll be able to help. Soo I have to take swimming classes, I've been doing it and it's okay, the problem is that I'm on my period and absolutely can't wear tampons (or things similar) and I obviously don't have and won't get special swimwear. I don't want to tell my parents because I doubt they will understand.

Is there something I can do?

Lee says:

This is a good question! It’s probably relevant to a lot of transmasculine folks with the summer coming up and people being able to return to the pools and beaches since many of us are fully vaccinated now.

Unfortunately, I could come up with only six different (non-ideal) options to solve the problem:

1) Don't go swimming when you have your period

This might be a good option for a casual swimmer, but it isn't ideal if you're in swim classes and can't reschedule a class, or on a swim team and can't miss a practice or meet.

You could always quit and find a new form of exercise / a new job / a new sports team, but obviously that’s sort of a last resort if you can’t find any solution at all.

2) Wear a tampon

Tampons can be worn safely while swimming and prevent the blood from staining your suit when you get out of the pool.

To help prevent toxic shock syndrome, which is rare but dangerous, use the lowest absorbency tampon you can and change your tampon every 4-8 hours or as often as needed. Don’t leave your tampon in for more than 8 hours.

You said that you “absolutely can't wear tampons,” but didn’t clarify why you can’t do it. If the reason is unrelated to dysphoria then you may have a medical condition, or it may be that your hymen is covering the opening to your vagina. A doctor or nurse (either your primary care provider or someone at a nearby Planned Parenthood or similar) can help you figure out why it’s causing pain and figure out what to do about it if you do suspect it’s medical-related and not psychological.

Many trans people like wearing tampons for their convenience and because tampons don’t cause the bloody-diaper feeling that pads can cause; there are a number of anons who have told us that using tampons make them feel less dysphoric than wearing pads.

Putting in a tampon usually doesn’t hurt, but it may take some practice in the beginning. 

3) Wear a menstrual cup

Menstrual cups are safe to wear when you’re swimming, and function similarly to tampons.

Menstrual cups are great for people who are stealth but still get a period.

They’re small and easy to hide in your bedroom/dorm room/summer camp cabin, they’re reusable so you don’t have to buy more than one, and you can often use one cup for up to 10 years so you don’t have to buy them often.

Menstrual cups are discreet because you can wear a menstrual cup for 8-12 hours at a time, or until it’s full; this is because they hold 1 ounce of liquid, roughly twice the amount of a super-absorbent tampon or pad.

Having to emptying it only 2-3 times a day means you don’t have to carry extras with you that someone might notice in your bag, you never have to change your cup in the bathroom at school or at work, and you don’t have to worry about changing it in the locker room before you go swimming. 

Menstrual blood can start to smell when it’s exposed to air, but your cup forms an airtight seal so there’s less odor to bother you, and nothing for other people to notice either.

Cups may look kind of big, but most people can’t feel them once they’re in.

Putting in a cup shouldn’t hurt, but it may take some practice in the beginning. 

4) Wear a menstrual disc

Menstrual discs are similar to menstrual cups and can be worn swimming as well.

They aren’t reusable and are placed in a different way, but many of the pros are the same as those for cups.

5) Buy swimwear that helps catch or hide the blood

There are swimsuits which are dark colored and have absorbent layers built in to catch blood when you’re out of the pool (Example) but that isn’t very useful if you’re actually in the pool, or if you’re required to wear a certain type of swimsuit as a lifeguard, swimming instructor, or member of a swimming team. So this isn’t an ideal option, and you said that you don't have and won't get special swimwear.

6) Stop your menstrual cycle so you don't get your period while swimming (or at all, in general!)

This post lists a few non-dysphoria-related excuses you can use when asking your parents to stop your period, but saying that it interferes with your swimming lessons should be reason enough.

Everything you need to know about stopping your period with birth control

Everything you need to know about birth control

What You Need to Know About Birth Control and Breast Cancer

What’s up with birth control pills and vaping?

Will the chemicals in birth control mess me up?

What are birth control side effects?

Can I get birth control at Planned Parenthood without my parents’ permission?

Birth Control Your Own Adventure

Does depo-provera cause depression?

Are Low-Dose Birth Control Pills Right for You?

-

Given the information in your ask, you can’t skip lessons so option #1 is out, you can’t use tampons so option #2 is out, you won’t get special swimwear so option #5 is out, and you can’t tell your parents that you want to stop your period so option #6 is out. 

That leaves options #3 and #4, menstrual cups and discs. I would recommend doing some research on each option to see what fits your needs the best. 

However, if you feel unable to discuss menstruation with your parents, I would recommend a cup because they’re reusable you only need to buy one and that’s a good thing because it saves you money in the long term and you don’t need to repeatedly have to buy something that you’re embarrassed to talk about and hiding from them.

Here’s an article reviewing different menstrual cups here and I’d suggest looking at that. 

That article has links to buy the cups online, and this post explains how to buy something online without a credit card and without your parents finding out.

You can also buy menstrual cups in-person at a pharmacy, if there’s one close enough for you to walk or bike to, or if you can get a friend to bring you.

Hopefully that’s a good start for things to consider, but I know that it probably isn’t the satisfying answer that you were hoping for since you won’t like any of the options. 

However, I will note that I had a hysterectomy in 2018 so it’s been a lil while since I’ve had to deal with swimming while menstruating myself, so if the followers have any ideas that I’ve forgotten please feel free to add on!

(And yeah, a hysterectomy will definitely solve this issue for you but I’m assuming that’s a no-go in your situation which is why I didn’t include it in the list)

Anyhow, followers, any advice for anon?

[aroaceconfessions]

I'm an aromantic asexual with a trans-masc friend. We're both queer but our experiences are quite different and I'm not going to get on here and pretend like I'm the "best ally ever" or some shit but I make an effort. I really do. I listen to my friend when he complains and try my best to be and empathetic. I try and be supportive and if my friend were ever to tell me that I've said or done something that makes him uncomfortable I'd apologize and correct my behavior. I wouldn't do it again. I just wish he'd give me the same consideration.

Warning: rant incoming (Also it's 12:00 in the morning so forgive an typos or confusing sentences- I really need to get this submitted before I lose my nerve)

So, my friend and I are taking sex-ed in school- same curriculum but different periods. When I complained to him about how it's stupid that I have to take the class when most of the stuff we learn about makes me want to vomit (sex repulsion! yayyy!) he belittles me, saying that I "still need to take the class because this stuff is important" and I "never know what's going to happen when I grow up". Mind you- I've considered all this and know that I really do still need to take the class, it's just nice to be able to complain to someone. And when you complain to someone, you expect a sympathetic ear, not a lecture using some fairly aphobic arguments. Fast forward a few days and the class is discussing pregnancy. The entire class. Regardless of gender. My friend complains to me about how stupid it is that he has to learn about pregnancy because he's never going to have kids and therefore doesn't need to know this. Like. I understand that learning about pregnancy might make my friend slightly dysphoric but everyone in the class went through the same lecture. My friend would've gotten to same lesson- whether he was cis or not. (In fact, since my friend is attracted to woman there's a chance that he could be in a relationship with a pregnant s.o.- meaning there's more of a reason for him to learn about pregnancy than me but I digress.)

And stuff like this happens a lot. When I told my friend that I didn't want to be in a qpr he responded by telling me that qpr's are stupid and he could never see me being in one. I can't see myself in a qpr either but that still hurts? Queer platonic relationships are an important part of many people's aro/aroace identity and he just... calls them stupid? And then tells me he could never see me in one, which implies that he think's I'm incapable of finding any type of partner in life?? (I don't really want any type to life partner but being told that you'll never find one... ouch)

All this coupled with the fact that he outed me to his transphobic parents who think that asexuality is stupid and fake. Without my consent. Despite the fact that I've gone to lengths to keep my friends identity a secret from my parents because he doesn't want them to know. I'm terrified that his parents are going to meet mine and talk and they're going to tell them. I know coming out as aroace isn't as big a deal as any other identity but honestly, I think my parents would prefer if it I was something else. They hate the idea of me ending up alone and them finding out about my identity would probably lead to something bad, though I'm not sure what.

Of course I haven't told him any of this- partly because I'm too scared. He's my only friend and I really don't want to cause any conflict, as we recently decided to remove a really toxic friend for our lives and it was very draining and stressful. I'm scared that I'm reading too much into things or that I'm just being sensitive.

So I guess this is a rant while also being a plee for advice. I am overreacting and jumping to conclusions? Should I talk to my friend or just leave it be? Help me, aroaces of tumblr, you're my only hope.

[hypoallergenicpunx]

i know this is probably an unpopular opinion but i get bi/pan (ftm) trans vibes from Vi.

hear me out.

the way Vi looks at Caitlyn is absolutely gay as all fuck.

but honestly so is the way they wink at Jayce (think about it).

i've seen peeps saying Vi is strictly a lesbian but i get the vibe they'd be bi/pan or even use them interchangeably (i think undercity would probably think pan is a dumb term because they've already established the understanding that bi is gnc af, pan is a topside thing that younger undercity generation will use too for safety reasons but also if they feel the term suits them better. i also feel older folk topside would think of it as pretty taboo to be bi so like peeps like Elora are also kind of bitter about pan because she feels like bi is being swept under the rug but will tolerate (begrudgingly) those who identify with it though she will absolutely criticize it openly.

so that whole dynamic considered, i feel like gender wasn't a huge deal for Vi until their chest started developing and maybe they identified as male while in prison or found out they got some sense of gender euphoria from binding to keep themself from being hyper-sexualized or sexually assaulted. overall i really think they would identify as a demiboy, not really feeling like they would need surgery but if the opportunity presented itself would go for at least partial reduction. i feel like Caitlyn would gladly pay for it or somehow make it seem like the opportunity came to Vi organically by some stroke of luck (idt Vi takes well to charity) - mostly because when she found out they bind (usually for much longer periods of time than they're supposed to) she's so worried about them hurting themself and insists. if Vi found out she was behind it would get upset that it wasn't fair for the other undercity trans folks & thus the concept of a clinic funded by Caitlyn topside with the proceeds going to the same clinic but un the undercity to help those without the money to transition (if they wish). that said i feel like maybe Vi would have taken testosterone for a period of time but in small doses, not to grow facial hair or anything but so their voice would drop some and then after that decided it wasn't necessary to continue.

i feel like Vi wouldn't necessarily have bottom dysphoria but would find the suggestion of them being able to get pregnant kind of cripplingly dysphoric and would have gone back alley to get their tubes tied. that said kids are on the table, just Caitlyn would either have to be the "mother"/pregnant one or they would adopt. (tbh i see Vi and Caitlyn as a longterm thing even if they eventually split or got divorced,

as an extension of that i feel like they would prefer being called 'Mod'/'Maddy'/'Per' (idk why but Mod sounds really natural to me) and say if Jayce and Vi or whatever became an item he would ask about if it bothers them not to be called dad and they'd be like no because that's not me and he'd have respect for that.

aside from that idt Vi would have a problem with pronouns, going by pm any but secretly getting a little boost of gender euphoria when masc or neutral was assumed. does get a bit dysphoric if called fem pronouns too much because most do assume they are a girl and will also stir up scared feelings from being in prison and stuff that would end up with them drinking to forget/beating the shit out of something and then either or having a good cry that takes the load off and makes it all better.

i think Vi would still very much like being referred to as a lesbian despite the way they identify and while i personally don't understand it i do respect it (tbh feeling like Vi would do that is really something weird for me as a concept because i solely identify as male and have been called a lesbian and found that terribly dysphoric but from the experiences i've observed of other people i think this would be true in their case.

if Vi got like super bad dysphoria for some reason that manifested as anger Jayce would absolutely take it from a strap and tell them how big and hot it is actually calling them sir to really drive the point home - if really sad would praise Vi as his 'baby boy' or his 'prince', calling their clit a tdick or a cock to reassure their own doubts of their masculinity/androgyny.

honestly the more i write about it the more affirmed i am that it's very true to character, i really thought about it and i think it would make a lot of sense without necessarily denouncing them as a lesbian icon or straight up denying that it's within the realm of possibility? idk. i just, it's been eating away at me since i first started watching arcane & i know the only way i'm gonna be able to pick back up on it is if i voice my thoughts.

i hope this doesn't offend anyone (even though it probably will).

[dengswei]

hi i am so sorry like sorry if you dont want to or feel uncomfortable answering this question then please you do not need to but i was wondering what you have been gender identifying yourself as over the years? because same here, i am also in the same boat and i have been saying i am an aroace bi and i want to use pan but i dont want to use that when i havent really stepped foot out that far but i dont know it makes me confuse like i dont know if this even makes sense

hey! honestly i don't mind answering at all! please don't apologise ☺️💙💜 i've gone through a few labels am ngl because gender is weird, this got a bit long so i'll put it under the cut :)

when i first realised i wasn't cis (which was when i think i was 17-18 i can't remember) i went by non-binary and not long after that genderfluid as well but then i realised genderfluid didn't really fit anymore (i think i mostly identified with genderfluid because i was scared/a little bit of internalised nonbinaryphobia perhaps because i considered my self fluid between my agab & agender)

so after that i started to go by non-binary & agender (i also like gendervoid as well), i still think i am both non-binary and agender but there are times where i think maybe i might be fluid or flux (oh irony) on the masc side but i also think not because it happens usually when i'm dysphoric

my gender crisises happen either when i'm about to get my period (usually about a week before) and i tend to want to strip away everything related to my AGAB (this one of the reasons why i've taken my other pronouns out of my bio) and when i get misgendered a lot because i don't actually have people i'm out to irl so i don't have anyone to bounce my pronouns, gender related terms, and my name off of so i can't really tell if i like those used for me (that's why i'm really grateful that a lot of my oomfs/mutuals use my name when they talk to me/about me 💙💜) and personally i think i come across androgonous but no one else in real life sees it that way 😅😔

my agenderness is very much similar to my aroaceness how i didn't realise what i felt (or rather didn't feel) was different to everyone else so for a long time i thought i was cis and then the gates slowly started opening when i discovered my sexuality (yeah i figured that out before my gender 😂 actually i think discovering asexuality specficially helped me in discovering that i'm agender because they're very similar for me in a lot of senses, esp my journey with them both)

& it does make sense please don't worry! questioning anything is scary and daunting and you don't really know where to begin i understand completely 💙💜 and you can use which ever labels you want! i know people who go by both bi and pan, which ever label feels more you. You don't have to fit a label perfectly to try it out, and you don't need to use a label at all ☺️ (me @ me take your own advice 😂)

this why i love umbrella terms for my gender like non-binary and genderqueer (which is why i tend to say i'm non-binary over agender) because gender is weird and sometimes you can't understand it but that's okay because gender is different for everyone

this is why i love to use queer to encompass my whole identity (gender & sexuality) because it wraps it all in a neat box and it saves having to explain everything that usually comes with telling people my complicated gender or sexuality lol

& even if in the end you realise you're not that label it's okay! there's nothing wrong with realising you were wrong sometimes you need to stop off somewhere for a detour to figure yourself out before reaching your final destination 💙💜

my ask box is always open if you want to talk some more 💙💜

hey! honestly i don't mind answering at all! please don't apologise ☺️💙💜 i've gone through a few labels am ngl because gender is weird, this got a bit long so i'll put it under the cut :)

when i first realised i wasn't cis (which was when i think i was 17-18 i can't remember) i went by non-binary and not long after that genderfluid as well but then i realised genderfluid didn't really fit anymore (i think i mostly identified with genderfluid because i was scared/a little bit of internalised nonbinaryphobia perhaps because i considered my self fluid between my agab & agender)

so after that i started to go by non-binary & agender (i also like gendervoid as well), i still think i am both non-binary and agender but there are times where i think maybe i might be fluid or flux (oh irony) on the masc side but i also think not because it happens usually when i'm dysphoric

my gender crisises happen either when i'm about to get my period (usually about a week before) and i tend to want to strip away everything related to my AGAB (this one of the reasons why i've taken my other pronouns out of my bio) and when i get misgendered a lot because i don't actually have people i'm out to irl so i don't have anyone to bounce my pronouns, gender related terms, and my name off of so i can't really tell if i like those used for me (that's why i'm really grateful that a lot of my oomfs/mutuals use my name when they talk to me/about me 💙💜) and personally i think i come across androgonous but no one else in real life sees it that way 😅😔

my agenderness is very much similar to my aroaceness how i didn't realise what i felt (or rather didn't feel) was different to everyone else so for a long time i thought i was cis and then the gates slowly started opening when i discovered my sexuality (yeah i figured that out before my gender 😂 actually i think discovering asexuality specficially helped me in discovering that i'm agender because they're very similar for me in a lot of senses, esp my journey with them both)

& it does make sense please don't worry! questioning anything is scary and daunting and you don't really know where to begin i understand completely 💙💜 and you can use which ever labels you want! i know people who go by both bi and pan, which ever label feels more you. You don't have to fit a label perfectly to try it out, and you don't need to use a label at all ☺️ (me @ me take your own advice 😂)

this why i love umbrella terms for my gender like non-binary and genderqueer (which is why i tend to say i'm non-binary over agender) because gender is weird and sometimes you can't understand it but that's okay because gender is different for everyone

this is why i love to use queer to encompass my whole identity (gender & sexuality) because it wraps it all in a neat box and it saves having to explain everything that usually comes with telling people my complicated gender or sexuality lol

& even if in the end you realise you're not that label it's okay! there's nothing wrong with realising you were wrong sometimes you need to stop off somewhere for a detour to figure yourself out before reaching your final destination 💙💜

my ask box is always open if you want to talk some more 💙💜

[turing-tested]

so, do you have to be on t for the rest of your life, or is there a point where you stop taking it? like, let's say you're on t for a long time, to the point where you stop getting periods. if for some reason you cant or stop taking t, do they come back? how much do changes revert if you stop taking t?

i don't 'have' to be on T for the rest of my life like, medically if one day I'm like "you know what? this is good and I'm chill with things shifting back towards feminine" but to continue to have things like the masculine fat distribution i do need to continue to take T

I was off T for a bit/spacing my doses bc I was running out for a bit and yes, my cycle did come back after not having it for two years which sucked

there are some permanent changes like voice deepening but im easily able to access a 'female' range/inflection anyways so that's not necessarily a problem for me if I woke up one day and was like 'im wamen actually' uhhhh bottom growth is permanant and honestly like. despite some people being like 'oh that sounds scary I don't want that' I cannot stress enough how much of a non issue it actually is really. as I mentioned fat distribution will change slowly out of a masculine type over time and as for hair, I'm actually sure about that! I'm pretty sure it stops coming in as thick facial hair wise but I'm not really sure if my leg hair would ever go back

I definitely noticed my skin getting softer/clearer while I was off T/spacing my doses so that's def a thing

if you look up online there a lot of info about what does or does not change when you stop taking T that will probably be more thorough than I can lol

honestly tho for me personally if I ever went 'oh im lady?' or even 'hm, I think I'm fine with being perceived as a woman' none of the changes I've gotten from T would really cause me any distress. obviously your milage may vary but I've grown so much more comfortable in my body I wouldn't be really upset like. hey, it's mine, I live here, it is how it is, I guess. nothing that would make me be dysphoric in an opposite way should my gender change

also if you just like really don't want your period you can just.....get birth control that stops it, you can just....go on like nuva ring or something similar to just not have it as opposed to continuing or starting hrt to stop it

[jewishfem]

do you know any ways that alleviate dysphoria without transitioning? i kinda just woke up from my trans nightmare. i'm female if ur wondering. if you don't know, could you redirect me to a blog that does?

Hey anon, so, i had written down my own advice, and also asked my friends, many of whom are detrans and have suffered from dysphoria.

But first I want to say that I'm glad you woke up. It's hard to leave and change a mindset that felt right with our feelings even if not with our common sense.

Forst are my friends' advices. I'm copying it as they are, without paraphrasing (only certain replacement, [like this]. My own advice is below my friends', as i believe theirs to be more experienced.

Without further ado, here are all the advices:

——

— Hello!

It's been a LONG time since I've experienced dysphoria(I detransitioned).

It feels like your mind doesn't belong in the current body you're in and that you want to just rip [your] skin off. (Mental health issue)

For me, I wished I could just close my eyes and never wake up. Or be "reborn" a male instead of female and just some...other thoughts along the lines.

How did I "get over it"?

I...guess I surrounded myself with more positive influences. I grew up in an abusive household that held sexist views. When I left, I could think clearly for myself.

I suppose my suggestion for her would be to try and find some positive influences(ex. Could be as simple as hangout out with loved ones, finding role models,etc) in her life and think critically(ex. "Why would you feel better if you transitioned to male?")

I realized I wanted to transition to escape my life...and also because I had internalise misogyny to where I did not think I was "allowed" to do certain things because I was born a female...

— Something to have her consider is that what she likes, and who she is doesn’t change what she is. She is female. A woman. A girl. Zero percent of her outside world or her mind can impact this. I hear a lot of young women trans [recte transition] because they feel like they enjoy masculine things. Well, if a woman does it it’s a women’s thing. Gender tells us women should only pursue and enjoy certain things and not others. This is just simply, False with a capital F.

Another help is recognizing that the way porn and indeed most media presents women to the world is also False. That is not what and how sex is. You don’t have to like it or accept it to be a woman. It is at odds with womanhood.

To reconnect and learn to love your body and accept it, a trick I learned a long time back is to focus on what your body does for you. Rather than how it looks while it does it.

Look at your bones and muscles working together so you can walk and stand and pick things up. Dance. Run. Your throat and lungs do this cool thing where you can speak. Sing. Your heart, keeps your body supplied with nutrients from your digestive system. Digestive system all on its own without any prompting, turns food into fuel for this amazing robot suit that is your body. Brain can interpret every single impulse from every nerve in your body. In real time. It allows you to connect with the outside world and experience it. But you also get to control it. Meditation, therapy exercises, physical exercise, these things have an impact on your brain. And you choose to do them.

Your body and your experience in it is really remarkable.

Thighs aren’t fat. They’re strong for carrying you around. Arms aren’t skinny. They are perfect for hugging loved ones. Eyes aren’t too small, they allow you to see the world around you. Focusing on what the body does takes that focus away from what it doesn’t look like. Breasts? Nourish new life in a way nothing else can. Don’t want children. That’s ok. Just recognize what your breasts can do. They don’t have to do it. Uterus and ovaries? Literally creates a human life from two single cells. You have the power of creation in side you. Whether you use it or not. Period? This amazing way your body protects itself from non viable pregnancies and keeps your body safe. Periods are the ultimate cleanse. And your body does it for you. All on its own.

These are the thoughts that help me deal with having a female body and accepting it.

— The thing that helped me most was radical body acceptance. Just 'this is me and I accept that I am the way I am'. Idk how effective it would be for that individual but it was foundational for me overcoming my dysphoria

====

My advice:

~ it's sometimes impossible to look at the mirror. The body feels bad and ugly and overall just wrong. But it's ours. It's ours to keep, and not to destroy. Expose yourself to yourself gradually. Especially the parts that make you at most unease. Treat it like a phobia, or some forms of allergies. Gradual exposure can help. First, love the parts you can't see — your heart, your lungs, dammit, tell your tendons you love them (!) because they're part of you.

Slowly reach parts you feel most dysphoric about. You'll already know how to love your other parts. Your hands that let you touch loved ones, hold them, rub a cute cat or dog. Your mouth and your stomach that tear apart these nutrients into the most basic units. Your skin that protects you and that lets you feel sunlight and raindrops. And then, when you know how to love these more or less basic parts of you, reach the complex ones. You don't need reasons at some point, but you have the love to give and it's enough. You don't need any reason besides it's yours.

~ i suffered (and still sometimes relapse) from body dysmorphia, and well, music and self reminders helped me a lot. I drew on my skin with pens and sharpies, soccer teams logos, random lyrics. My reminder to myself, before i started giving myself good reminders was "don't fear death"" but to not fear death,,, i needed no more reminders of that. then I realized, i can remind myself more important things, of better things. Birthdays, my favorite teams' wins, my most hated teams' worst losses. Then it went to 1238 "grammar teacher said something grammatically wrong", "x mathematical axiom", drew emojis and flowers. I did so to remind me to smile, to breath clean air (as clean as possible at least). At this time of self isolation, you can leave the notes at your house. Sticky note with "the only parabola that matters is the smile" or some other body positive puns. Dysphoria is a different hatred of your body, but all self hatred can be fought with self love.

~ a feeling I still feel a lot is hat i don't deserve to live, i only take too much space. It's what brought me so quickly into dysmorphia. Try to find what brought you to dysphoria pull out the source, or face it so you know how it looks like when it sneaks up to you. Recognition and acknowledgment means you can deal with it better as it won't shock you. You'd be able to throw it out before it attacks you.

~ surround yourself with positive influences, and also avoid negative influences. If your close friend group is sexist and/misogynistic, then distance yourself from them. A lot of the self hatred comes from what we've been taught for years about ourselves. Female role models, positivity, cute little notes, etc, and surround yourself with actual body positivity.

~ creativity: Maybe start a cute bullet journal or something similar. Create things and surround yourself with your own creations. Bullet journals are a fun way to keep you busy while also help you be more productive in school and/or life. You can fill it with quotes and pretty pictures and fun doodles.

~ you and your body are not different entities. It's part of you, part of your life since birth, especially because you're female. It feels a bit degrading at first, but in reality, we are our bodies. When were stressed, our body reacts physiologically. When we see someone we love, our heart beats faster.

I remember reading something another woman wrote, saying her dysphoria is at its worst during her period, she got panic attacks every time she started getting it. We're told that our period is what makes us gross but also what makes us women/feminine, but it only makes us women, not feminine, and it's part of our physiology, it made us have lower social standing but only because men decided so. Some women don't get periods, but all those who get periods are women (and I'm not talking about TiM "periods" but real ones). It's one of the parts that can be the hardest to embrace, but it's also a reminder that we, women, are actually the most ideal creation of mother nature regarding humans. Long lasting, unrelenting, strong and (usually) the actual creating power. We're the power of creation as a means for creation, and men? Most of them only create as a means for destruction.

~ healthy lifestyle: a lot of things start looking better when we start a healthier lifestyle, especially life. Add a salad to one of the meals

~ lastly but most helpful for me was writing all my negative feelings down and then just tearing the paper apart, and afterwards throw it to different trashcans, like you'd do with an old credit card. It helped me during some of my most depressive episodes.

[b1uejean]

So, if that's the case, do you support trans people? Because the Jeffrey dahmer post seems to imply otherwise (Again, I don't wish to fight, I simply would find it hard to interact with someone critical of my identity as a nbi person, and would just unfollow and leave you alone)

I do....but I think the subject is treated in an absolutely toxic way nowadays because you guys (yanks) have no measure. Yes we should try to help dysphoric ppl and have compassion toward them ... But a child should not be put on puberty blockers, which could have terrible health consequences, because most of them don't really know whether they are really dysphoric or no.... i too had a period during childhood when I wanted desperately to be a boy because my cousin could go and do fun shit I wasn't allowed to do and I felt trapped inside, but if my mom would have put me on hormones based on that my life would be out of the window.

Also I think that some people confuse gender with personality and with their personal struggle... If I would compare my personality with the stereotype of a 50's woman and I thought that was the only way to be a woman i wouldn't call myself one.. too bad I am tho. I also desired not to be a woman when I started getting groped on the bus and I had the middleschool music teacher gawking at my ass with all my classmates noticing it.. I hated how my body was changing. Also I desired to not be a woman when I realised that women have less time, that we have often have to chose between career and family because no you can't have it all sadly and that we have less time to built a family fro biology reasons. I felt time on my shoulders and I desired not to be a woman. But all of this doesn't makes me a non binary person this makes me a girl who growing up had to realise shit and deal with it. And if I would have called myself non binary I think that my process of coming to terms with myself and what I wanted from my life would have slowed down so fucking much because i would have been hiding my head under the sand all the time and I think that some people do just that.

.. also some ppl treat it like a trend and put "they" there because yes... Which ...I guess ..

The amount of ppl ending up de-transitioning are a proof of how little they really thought about if that was the right thing for them to do.

Anyway that was post by a true crime account that absolutely wrote it with a positive serious pro trans and non binary intent.... But you know that's what makes it super funny since it litteraly reads "Jeffrey Dahmer said trans rights uwu"

[wlwadviceblog]

is it a big thing for lesbians to be uncertain about their gender? Because I always think about how much I'd like to be a guy, but I don't think I'm dysphoric. I dress, have my hair, and look pretty masculine but I still wear make-up and nail polish without any problems, you know? (And yes I know there can be gnc trans people.) I'm fairly sure it's because of my sga but it's causing me to be really uncertain in my identity.

LGB people in general tend to have complicated relationships with gender because same-gender attraction inherently defies the heteronormative standard of what gender and gender roles are meant to be. Lesbians in particular struggle with their womanhood because so much of the dominant narrative of being a woman involves being attracted to men and lesbians reject that entirely. Many lesbians feel alienated from womanhood as society defines it without being dysphoric, and this doesn’t make them men or trans (though some identify as non-binary as a result of this.) this is also the reasoning behind many opting to use he/him pronouns because they feel those pronouns fit them better.

One of my closest friends is butch and talks a lot about how there was a long period of time during which she was envious of cis men and considered whether or not she was trans because of how she sometimes felt like she wanted to be a man. Eventually she realized that she’s comfortable in being a woman, but that her womanhood is different from a straight woman’s womanhood, and that’s okay.

TL;DR it’s perfectly normal for you, as a lesbian, to have a complicated and confusing relationship with gender. Don’t pressure yourself to figure it all out right away. Just do whatever makes you happy and comfortable.

~mod kim

[radplaidtacofan]

This is obviously a very personal topic but this needs to be said.

Not everyone is into period sex...

... and that is okay.

If your idea of feminism is screaming at people for not being into period sex you are in the wrong.

There are many reasons people might not enjoy it and most of them are valid.

Yes, if it comes down to it being a cis man who puts on a look of disgust whenever he so much as hears someone talk about periods and shames people for having them he's a pathetic, misogynistic asshole. But that's not the point and framing the issue as being entirely "feminists vs patriarchy" is disingenuous at best and gaslighting at worst.

Someone could have hemophobia or germophobia. It could be due to trauma around blood. Someone could just not be interested.

Shaming them is wrong. The vitriolic tweets, FB and Tumblr posts go so far beyond any reasonable definition of "shaming", however. They're abusive. Anyone who disagrees with these messages is attacked, usually by swarms of so-called feminists who actually have no respect for others' feelings or freedoms.

Like, what do those posts seek to accomplish? Beating others down so they hate themselves for feeling the way they do about period sex? Do the people making those posts think that's helping anyone? It's outright delusional thinking. All those posts ever do is hurt people rather than opening a true dialogue. They make sense if you think everyone who isn't into period sex is some sort of misogynistic, patriarchal monster but that just isn't the truth. It doesn't matter if you want it to be and honestly it's fucked up if you do.

Those posts portray people with a preference as a group of monsters. They are also almost exclusively addressing the monster they've created: a cishet man who thinks periods are disgusting. Those people definitely do exist and I've had the misfortune of knowing some really shitty ones. However, the problem is that they are lumping everyone who doesn't enjoy period sex into this group. A few will refer to "anyone who's attracted to women" and pat themselves on the back for being "inclusive" by not specifically talking about cishet men... though they always seem to forget that it's not just women who have periods. Who'd've thought that people who rely on strawmen arguments would also half-ass being woke? lol

On to the personal bit:

I'm afab and sort of genderfluid. I have a lot of problems with having a period. Some of them are personal, some of them are physical. All of them are valid.

I used to (and sometimes still do) have a lot of dysphoria surrounding my period. I don't even like to call it "my" period even when I feel less dysphoric. I also have an extremely heavy period with a lot of pain, stomach problems, bloating, anemia and low blood pressure. I usually feel sick as hell each month and even get flu symptoms. I am miserable as hell and even if I have any libido at all during this it would be physically painful to have sex. Even masturbating causes pain. So, I don't do any of that (and it means I have more fun when it's over because not doing that for a week makes things more sensitive).

I also don't like seeing blood. I don't like the smell, I don't like having it on me and when I get even my own on me it triggers panic. It's like touching dirty dishes - it feels like my entire body is rejecting it and I just need it off me right fucking now oh my god.

I don't want to have sex with someone on their period. I just don't. It grosses me out and it has absolutely nothing to do with someone's gender or their anatomy.

I'm sick and tired of going through hell every month, being undermined for it by men and women, then seeing posts comparing me to the worst misogynists out there.

I personally know women who feel the same way. They don't want to have sex on their periods and they don't want to have sex with anyone else on theirs.

So for once try to put some fucking thought into the shit you say. If you need to create a strawman to support what you're saying then your point is shit. You're not a feminist for attacking others and you should feel just as unwelcome in feminist spaces as TERFs should be - your period sex posts sound an awful lot like the shit they spew anyway.