#cain birch

[cainvstheworld]

Inflammation by Cain Birch

a little top surgery poem

[Text ID: They carved out my chest with scalpels, with glinting metal, with sterile hands. They saw the man underneath my overflowing skin, freed him from the too-fullness of his flesh. But you loved me, not just despite, but with the buds on my body. Right before I went under, my brain turning gooey, my breath sludgy, I asked them to do me a favor: to carve out a little extra space around my heart. I could feel it swelling in my chest, aching to bloom with all the love it holds for you, but I went limp on the cold table before I could hear their answer. I woke up blurry and thirsty, my chest hidden under thick layers. Two days passed before I unwrapped myself, carefully peeling back layers, unfurling petals. I put a shaky hand over my heart, and through the numb flesh I could feel my heart beating jackrabbit fast, lioness strong, and knew my wish was granted. /End ID]

[bobbie-robron]

Edna reckons more Dingles have descended on the dales.

Oh, they’ll take over this village one day and then it REALLY will be time to up the stakes.

Val and Paul show off the new drapes in the Sugden home. Edna, Pearl and Betty are in fine form gossiping about the new Dingle baby and Edna (MVP of the episode) is very spot on about things. Hearing all the gossiping from the trio, Jack PROUDLY announces Andy is the dad and he’s thrilled (Robert is far from that),

13-Jun-2005

[darkredsugarcookie]

A Void of His Own - Thunderbolts* Bucky oneshot

Author's note: HI HUNNY BUNNIES so most of you are from tiktok for this one, which if you are, welcome! feel free to stick around! I saw thunderbolts last night and could not stop thinking about this. This really fits listening to house in nebraska and inbred by ethel cain btw. please read all the warning and let me know what you think! xx

Warnings: violence, gore, suicidal ideation, alluding to SA as well as the aftermath

I had expected it to hurt. 

It didn’t hurt. It felt like waking up from a nightmare, my heart still thumping in my chest hard enough that it shook my ribs. 

Snow crunched under my weight as I pushed myself up, blinking flakes from my eyes. I didn’t recognize it at first. Not by looking around. But I lowered myself a bit, looked up through the dry and bare trees and it hit like a bullet to the chest a second before I heard the sobs coming from the clearing. 

It was hardly a clearing. It was more of a bare section of woodland since my body broke the branches on the way down. 

My breath came heavy and it took a moment for me to reel it in, to focus. I had to focus. I took a step forward. Another. 

I stared at the body lying there in the snow— my body lying there in the snow. What remained of my left arm was in bloody shreds. Useless. I could remember the pain like it was yesterday. I watched as the blood stained the snow more red, tainting it more with every second.

God, that kid lying in the snow who’d only wanted to go home to Brooklyn. I had half a mind to comfort him. To kneel beside the body of my younger self and tell him it was okay— to just hang on for a decade or seven and it would get better. It’d never be as good as it once was, but it would be better than this and what was to come.

The sobs echoed off the walls of the valley as I watched the fingers of my right arm reach for the marred flesh of the left. The whir of metal fingers digging into the bark of the tree I was leaning against brought me back to where I was. 

I dragged in a breath, the feelings making my lungs burn. 

Twigs snapped, alerting footsteps. That body in front of me cried out for help. I remembered how raw my throat had felt. The image of Steve’s face as my hand had slipped played over and over in my head. The way he had hidden his face against the metal of the train car to avoid watching. 

I was always glad my final look at him was knowing he hadn’t seen me hit the ground. He didn’t deserve to see that. 

Grumbles of Russian floating up from the other side of the clearing and I ducked behind a tree, squeezing my eyes shut. Being here now, I understood it all. 

“That’s one way to get him back.”

“Not a total waste.”

“As long as he’s breathing and not another body to leave behind. He’s no use if he’s dead.”

With my heart in my throat, I leaned around the trunk of the birch to watch. The way that… boy of who I was cried for help... I had learned quickly that there was no point in that. But he didn’t know yet. He didn’t know anything yet. 

I watched panic creep into that old body of mine when the voices grew louder— when the patches on their arms were visible. The same patches of the men that had taken me only weeks earlier. 

Ropes were strung under and around an already almost lifeless body, my weight leaving a smear of blood in the snow. I felt my eyes start to sting as I watched those soldiers converse like nothing. Like this wasn’t the start of everything ending for me. 

My breath escaped me in a rush as I stepped out from the tree, the gun in my hand like the weight of the world as I aimed it at the back of their heads. I was shaking, but my aim was steady. 

And the second I pulled the trigger, I was right back where I’d been— lying back in the snow, sobs echoing off the valley walls. Like that movie Sam had made me watch— groundhog something.

Come on. 

There had to be a way out of here. 

“Yelena? Bob!” I called, turning in circles. It was a maze. I didn’t know how to navigate this forest. I didn’t know what to do.

I paused and took a breath, shaking those Russian words from my head. What would Steve do? 

“What would Steve do?” I asked myself quietly. 

I started running. I’d find the end of this eventually right? A river, a door, someone, something. 

Until I hit a wall hard enough that it had me stumbling back. A continuation of the trees, the sky, the ground… 

I flexed the metal fingers of my left arm and drove my fist through the wall. It crumbled enough for me to body through it and stumble into a damp smelling alleyway. 

Brooklyn. I’d know that smell anywhere. 

I also knew this scene. The sun overhead, the music coming from downtown, the voices floating down the alley. The second I saw her, I just… stopped. 

“I wasn’t even- even doing anything,” Rebecca cried, wiping her cheeks as she tried to stifle tears. 

“I know you weren’t, Becca,” I whispered in time with sixteen year old me as he knelt in front of her to inspect her skinned knees. 

“These things happen when people don’t understand who you are,” he said to her. I hadn’t realized it then, but now, watching like this, she took a deep breath after she saw me do the same thing. 

“People are mean,” she said, wiping her hands on her blue dress. God, she wore the life out of that dress. 

“Yeah, they are.” My eyes flashed up as I watched Steve veer around the corner exclaiming, “I found it! I got it!” 

Oh, Steve…

The blonde shoved a first aid kit into my sixteen year old hands and struggled to push himself up on the pallets to sit beside Becca. 

“Is this how you feel?” she asked, which made me smile a little. She was witty. So smart and funny. 

“Yes, actually,” Steve said, turning up his chin as I watched my younger self press a bandage to Rebecca’s knee. “Buck and I’ll teach those guys a lesson.”

“Uh, no,” my younger self told him. “I’ll go talk to them. You stay here.” “Because I’m not strong enough,” Steve said, giving me a bored look. 

“No. Because you’re one of my two weaknesses. Just stay put.” 

I moved closer, watching the three of them. The three of us. 

Becca climbed down and wrapped her arms around my younger self’s middle. I stood so close, wishing I could stop it here. Just leave it. Keep this, right here. I rested my hand on the back of her head as I crouched to look at her face, tucked against his chest. I pressed a kiss to her head and the next moment it was gone. 

I whipped around, suddenly standing in my old kitchen. 

“You what?” Rebecca said, the book in her hand falling to the table as she shoved away from her seat and ran over. 

She reached for the envelope and I watched my twenty three year old self hold it out her reach. “Becca—” 

“They finally got you?” she bit out, her blue eyes welling with tears. “Bucky, please say I’m wrong…” 

“I…”

“Please,” she whispered. 

“I’m sorry, Beck.” 

I reached for her, but my fingers met dust. Dust that looked too familiar and made me take a step back. But I tripped over a step and landed hard on my back, the smell of the molding concrete cell like acid to my nervous system. 

The cold cement bit into my skin and I just knew what I’d find when I turned around. This cell— this one was specific. It only had one purpose and suddenly I really didn’t want to be here anymore. I was done. I felt my stomach roil as I watched the woman fasten the button of her jeans back into place and just… leave. I knew her. I saw her often in my nightmares, or anytime there was too much physical contact that wasn’t ill intended. 

My eyes followed her out as my skin buzzed with the memory of the contact. I pushed myself to my knees, the sound of heavy breathing from behind me making my chest tight. 

Every movement was slow— like it was through some sort of gelatin, my fingers reaching for the muslin blanket in the corner, it was stained and torn, but it was better than nothing. 

I steeled myself before I turned around and came face to face with a version of myself I told no one about. Everyone knew about the violence. They knew about the killing and the torture that drew blood. They never bothered to think about the kind that didn’t. 

I laid the blanket over the bare lap of the man I’d been so long ago, a hard weight dropping into my stomach as the chains restraining his wrists clattered against the wall. Those eyes… 

They were mine, but… lifeless. Like there was nothing left in them. 

Footsteps sounded down the hall. Again. Someone new. 

“No.” A small breath of the word escaped me as my eyes burned and I squeezed them shut. “Enough.” This one was random. Couldn’t place her if you asked. But she warmed up quickly and what caught me off guard was when her fingers traced the ribs of the body in front of me, I felt it. 

I felt it. 

“No,” I said again, shaking my head as my feet dragged me away, my back hitting the wall. “No.” 

I felt it again, hands drifted, a warmth against my neck. 

“Stop—” 

I turned, facing the wall that had suddenly turned into glass. 

I saw the blonde just in the next room, my breath stuttering. “Yelena!” I called, but she didn’t turn. Didn’t react at all. She was in a bathroom, staring at a mirror. 

My brain turned and turned before I took out the gun tucked into my belt. Two shots through the glass before I bodied through it, the glass shattering. 

But it went dark. 

People appeared in front of me, every single one of them, a face that had haunted me for years. My heart was hammering in my ears, my skin cold as darkness wrapped the place, faces of every person I’d killed as him appearing in front of me, their hands reaching. 

Grasping. Pulling. 

I tried to shove them off, but they were deathly cold, gripping into my skin as I pulled and shoved, but nothing. It was like it didn’t matter. All that echoed through my head was their cries, the pleas for mercy before I’d pulled the trigger. 

I was panting, my body buzzing as I tried to shove the cold hands that touched every inch of me away. It felt like I couldn’t see, couldn’t think. 

It all collided at once. Everything that had ever been done to me— it crowded my mind like I would never escape it. I couldn’t breathe. 

I thought of everyone I’d lost, everyone I’d loved so desperately just for them to be ripped from me.

My parents.

Rebecca. 

Steve.

Sam. 

It was all swirling and spinning and I couldn’t breathe until suddenly, I pushed past another body. And another. 

Then I broke into… quiet. 

I stumbled, my boots thudding on the hardwood floor as I took in the space, the sunlight, the wallpaper. 

When I turned around, a breath of relief escaped me as I saw the other. “Are you guys okay?” I asked, moving towards the center of the room. 

“Are you okay?” Yelena asked, eyes fixed on me. 

I want my sister. I miss my best friend. 

I should’ve died young.

“Me?” I said, brushing it off. “Yeah, I mean, I’ve got a great past, so I’m totally fine.”

[lvxiferianemblem]

Thinking about how Chuuya's father-son relationship with Adam plays into the metaphor of 'Child of Adam, which inadvertently proves his humanity and presents the Abel and Cain dynamic with Verlaine. Abel being the younger brother and a shepherd, (King of The Sheep) and them both giving offerings to God (Guivre and Arahabaki), but God only favoring one of them (Chuuya being able to in-part accept his humanity), and Cain killing him in response (Verlaine stripping Chuuya of his loved ones.) It also drives the point home when you think about the fact that Verlaine's kill signature is a white cross made of birch.

[moralanxietystudio]

Roadwarden: The Final Update

Dear Travelers,

It’s been two years since Roadwarden’s release. I can’t believe that over this time my humble game passed 3000 reviews on Steam - I’m honored to know that my stories keep reaching new ears.

For the anniversary I prepared a final bug-fixing patch. Nothing too big - mostly addressing typos or misplaced lines of text. I also changed some more annoying gameplay issues. You can find the list of changes more in stores where the game is present.

To make ending this chapter a bit sweeter, I’d love to use the following links as a bit of a parting gift:

Roadwarden’s Soundtrack - The Ultimate Guide

Finding the music used in Roadwarden isn’t easy, and the game’s files are edited in a way that turns them into a terrible listening experience in isolation, so I think some of you may enjoy this quick guide where you can actually find the music:

The original soundtrack by Nick Roder

It encompasses the game’s main theme, as well as the majority of the most recognizable tracks. 

Three tracks by Dan Caine:

Enter the Sea, used during the final exploration scene (just a brilliant track)

Dark Colors used in some combat encounters

In The Deep Woods used at White Marshes

Hinterheim’s earthwork used in dream sequences

And also his finnaly lost (sic), used during conversation with Orentius

Black Yen’s White Birch, used in a very special village

Scott Buckley’s Blood, used after completing Old Págos’ questline

Jonathan Fraser’s Interlude, used at various tense, violent scenes

And there were also additional royalty-free tracks taken from WeLoveIndies website, though these specific pieces of music are not really available in isolation. “During The Night” was used in combat scenes, “Petrified” during the attack on White Marshes, “Searching For Trails” in Peat Fields, and “Vastlands” was introduced in the fishing hamlet.

Some of those tracks were altered significantly to actually loop in the game, often getting abridged in the process. Some were paid for, while others were used either with individual permission or thanks to the Creative Common License. I hope that looking at this broad list portrays well what it means to make a game on a budget. : )

See you soon,

Aureus

[ananke-xiii]

Angels and the threat they pose to children:

I’ve said here that the line “angels are watching over you” is great because of the obvious double meaning of the verb “to watch over someone” but, more importantly, because of the terrifying contrast between the smiling, 25-cent-worthy, cheesy figurine of a guardian angel and the decidedly more real, more threatening “silhouettes” of Azazel and Michael closely “watching over” Sam and Dean, respectively. I’ve also suggested here that babysitters are basically just a more profane, material version of the ancient myth of the guardian angel, aka someone that makes sure that we’re okay when we’re alone because our parents are not there to protect us. What’s more, “babysitting” is a job that’s often associated with Dean and/or Castiel (who, in S4-5, works as a Michael stand-in by taking Dean under his charge because Michael is not like Lucifer, he makes other angels work for him until he’s actually forced to intervene, he really does SLAY *mwhahhah*), while the “watching over you” line is uttered by a young Mary who’s recently become a first-time mother because she’s just given birth to Dean, who’s, therefore, her first-born.

So what we have here is a young mother invoking angels to make sure her first-born will be okay while the narrative had already established angels as ruthless killers with an agenda. But I think therw's something more. The invocation was uttered, the Mother has spoken.

Turns out that angels don’t sweetly watch over nobody nor gently babysit kids and teenagers, they come, they take and they go away. And, sadly, after they go away, they leave a trail of pain, suffering and blood and drag “children” with it. I’ve explained here that “children” are to be understood on a much broader sense, even “adults” are to be considered as “children” because the power differential between angels and humans is just too big. And, oh, by the way, humans are considered “children” by some angels, others view them as “apes/monkeys”. Because monkeys are wild but trainable animals who are notoriously and viciously used for scientific experiments, what I’m seeing here is, apart from a clear infantilizing element due to power differential, also an added element of domestication, trainability and (ab)use.

Humans, then, can be either used as “guinea pigs” or be “guided” and “protected” much like a shepherd guides and protects his herd. I’m using “his” because it’s Castiel-as-Jimmy who tells Naomi that angels were supposed to be humans’ shepherds and not their hunters. I mean, murderers, he says “murderers”, oopsie. So Castiel is adding another layer to the convo: angels are guardians, babysitters and shepherds of children-humans-monkeys. And how does Naomi reply? Well, well, well, apparently Castiel can’t remember that there was a time where angels “slew every first-born infant whose door wasn’t splashed with lamb’s blood. And that was just PR”. From her words it also turns out that the shepherd angels hunt down, I mean slay, she says “slew”, oopsie, their own “lambs” and they specifically targeted first-borns. So, to me, angels are not just only “monsters with good PR”, they’re actually “hunters with good PR” and the PR is that they’re considered “guardian angels” by (some) humans. Because here’s the other thing: the angels didn’t slay all first-borns, they only slew the first-borns in the houses that were NOT splashed with blood, aka they were NOT marked.

However, in true SPN fashion, Sam is the son “splashed” with demon’s blood and Dean is the first-born marked by… well, the Mark of Cain. The “save or kill” mentality doesn’t work because everyone is, after all, not spared from doom. It’s always open season in Supernatural. The “things” that are supposed to save, guide and protect humans don’t always save, guide and protect. It depends.

And this is why, I think, Castiel can be both threatening and dangerous to actual children (Claire, Novak, Jesse Turner, Aaron Birch, fetus Jack) and protective towards actual children and humans-as-children (that one baby he cured in S6, Nora’s baby and, well, on the established broader sense of the term “children” for angels, Dean, Sam and Jack).

This leaves us with two Castiel: one Castiel is a terrifying angel that can and will kill/hurt children (or so he claims, the narrative often prevents him from enacting his plan with the exception of Claire and Aaron which… much to think about that). The other is an angel who “splashes” with blood a first-born, his first-born, the one who was under his charge, and saves him from Death. However, Castiel didn’t obey Heaven’s orders when he watched over Dean, he obeyed Mary’s, (just like he obeyed Kelly's) that is the Mother’s orders. Turns out that there is, after all, someone who watches over the children-apes-guineapigs. With care.

[avastrasposts]

The Pilot and his Girl - Epilogue

One final part of the story to wrap it all up!

Series Master List

Warnings have their own post - Word count: 21.6k (I regret nothing!)

Eight years later

It was the first time since last year you were able to come this far out from Jackson. The snow had been thick on the ground since November, and any patrols this far from Jackson had been postponed until the spring. But even your corner of Wyoming had finally been graced with warm weather and sunshine, the snow melting rapidly, making it crucial for patrols to go further out to make sure there were no threats closing in on your ever growing community. 

Maria and the board had made the right decision when they’d sent you and six experienced men and women this far down the valley. You’d come across a gang of raiders on an abandoned farm after spotting the corpses of two travelers in a ravine. The travelers had been ambushed and all their possessions, including their boots, had been taken from them. Martha, a woman a few years younger than you, was one of the best trackers in Jackson, and she’d picked up the raiders’ trail quick enough. The ensuing attack on their camp had been brutal and swift, leaving the four men dead in minutes. You left the bodies where they fell, as a warning to anyone who came near Jackson. 

Now you and two of the men in your patrol are up on a ridge, surveying the area, looking for signs of travelers or infected. You’d left Frankie at home this morning, with strict instructions to not leave the bed unless it was to pee. He’d stumbled home early yesterday afternoon from his guard shift, shivering under his heavy coat and coughing loudly enough to wake Benny and Eve’s dog across the street. It didn’t take you long to realize that he was running a fever, either a flu or a bad cold. Either way, it had knocked him out for the rest of the evening and he was still drowsy when you left him in bed with a jug of water, sandwiches and a couple of precious, and long since expired, paracetamols. 

You’re used to going on patrol without Frankie these days. It was easier if one of you stayed at home with Jack when he was little, and it felt like you were tempting fate if you both left. Patrols were not as dangerous as they had been in the early days of Jackson, but they still posed a certain risk. You breathed a sigh of relief whenever Frankie returned safely, even if nothing had happened to any of you in years, life was never without risk. But these days Jackson was an imposing enough structure to deter any raiders that came close by, and the patrols that went out were well equipped, well armed and large enough in numbers to handle almost anything. 

The other four in your patrol had split up and followed trails that led away from the farm, looking for any raiders that might’ve gotten away. You hear one of them approach through the underbrush now, calling out a greeting before you see the man. 

“Hey Elijah, did you find anyone?” you ask the dark haired man that appears between the fresh green birch trees. 

“Yeah, but not a raider I think, you’d better come see him,” he replies, pointing over his shoulder. You leave the two men with you up on the ridge and follow Elijah down the narrow trail. 

“What makes you say he’s not a raider?” 

“He’s all beaten up, looks pretty rough, and he’s got a badly sprained ankle,” Elijah says, guiding his horse down through the forest. “Says he got it running from the raiders, fell off a cliff trying to get away from them. And he sure as hell look as if he fell off a clip, all cut and bruised, clothes torn, the man’s a mess.” 

“Was he armed?” 

“No, he has an empty knife sheath on his belt, but no supplies, no bag, nothing on him.”

“Huh, maybe he’s telling the truth then,” you hum, “How did you find him?” 

“Cain sniffed him out, he was hiding in a small hunting cabin, I think he thought we were the raiders, looked pretty damn scared when we kicked the door in.” 

“Did Cain clear him? He’s not infected?” 

“Na, he’s clean for that at least,” Elijah says and nodded towards the small cabin you were approaching, “Kieran’s inside with him.” 

You both dismount and tie your horses to a tree before stepping into the house. It’s really just a shed, a tiny hunting cabin built just to give shelter for a night or two with a small window and an old wood fired stove in the corner, almost rusted all the way through now. On the floor, leaning against the back wall, is a man about your age with black hair. He’s wiping his hand gingerly over his check where the blood from a sharp cut is starting to clot, and he holds his other hand protectively against his chest. The dark jeans are torn in several places and you can see scrapes and scratches through the ripped denim. The light in the cabin is dim and when you step in through the door he looks up at you, squinting against the light from the open door. It takes your brain a few long moments to catch up, to place the face, but then your jaw drops. 

“Tommy?” 

Tommy blinks a couple of times, his eyes widening with surprise, “Holy shit….” he gasps, “I thought you were dead!” 

You shake your head as you take a few steps forward and kneel down in front of the man, taking in more of him, he really looks terrible. 

“I think I’m more alive then you are, Tommy Miller,” you say, taking a closer look at him, “you really do look like you fell off a cliff.” 

“You know this guy?” The tone of surprise in Kieran’s voice reflects your own feelings at stumbling across Tommy in a small Wyoming hunting cabin. 

“Yeah, since way back,” you reply, giving Tommy a smile and he seems to breathe a sigh of relief. 

“I think I have about a hundred questions,” he says with a grin, but he winces as he shifts his weight against the wall and you hold up your hand. 

“Let us fix your ankle first, and your hand too I think right?” 

Tommy nods and you ask Kieran for the first aid kit. Tommy grimaces as you carefully pull off the boot on his right foot and peel back his sock. The ankle is swollen and starting to turn purple and you make Tommy move his toes for you. 

“We’ll get you back to Jackson, that’s our town, and have the doctor check on it, but I don’t think it’s broken. I’ll just wrap it up tight for now,” you say, “KIeran, could you see if we can get Tommy up on Aggy, she should be able to carry both me and Tommy, you can take Argento back.” 

Kieran nods and steps back outside as you open the bag and take out the elastic bandage. 

“What about…Frankie?” Tommy asks, hesitating in his question and you smile. 

“He’s good, back home sick as a dog at the moment with a man-cold, but he’s good,” you say, “we both made it and we’re still here, still married,” you grin, starting to wrap his ankle. 

“I always wondered what happened to you two,” he says, “you just disappeared after Pope died, no one knew where you were,”  Tommy looks up at you and you raise your eyebrows in surprise. 

“Joel didn’t tell you?” you ask, securing the bandage with a small knot. 

“What? He didn’t tell me anything,” Tommy looks confused and you sit back on your heels, perplexed. 

“Huh, I thought for sure he’d tell you…Joel helped us, me and Frankie, to get out of the QZ when we left. I told him to not say anything to Benny and Will, but I thought he’d tell you.”

“Will and Benny left with Diana and Eve a few years ago too,” he says, “I’m guessing now you had something to do with that too?” 

You give Tommy a crooked grin, “Yeah, that was us, and I’m happy to report that they’re all in Jackson too, all doing well. Benny and Eve even had a baby two years ago,” you smile and now it’s Tommy’s turn to look surprised. 

“I feel like I’ve missed something important….” he says and you put your hand out to him. 

“I’ll tell you everything on the way home, come on.” 

Kieran’s got Aggy, a large and steady mare, standing outside as you help Tommy to limp through the door. Together you and Kieran get him up on her back and then you mount her too, sitting in front of Tommy. 

“I’m going to assume a Texas boy like you knows how to stay on a horse?” you ask as you gently nudge Aggy forward. 

“Yeah, but it’s been a while,” he says, hooking his good arm around your waist. 

“I wanna ask you about why you’re here,” you say in a low voice, “but I don’t know if you maybe wanna save that story for later?” 

“Uuh…” Tommy hesitates, “yeah, maybe, but what makes you think I don’t wanna talk about it now?” 

“Because you and Joel were inseparable, and now you’re out here alone,” you say, looking over your shoulder at him, “so either something happened between you, or…something happened to him.” 

“Yeah…” Tommy begins but trails off, watching the forest give way to open land, “he’s not dead, as far as I know, but I left him in Boston.” 

“Ok,” you say, letting the subject rest. You’re relieved to hear that Joel isn’t anywhere near Wyoming, you still haven’t forgiven him for what happened to Frankie, even if it was inadvertent. You don’t want him anywhere near Frankie ever again. 

You tell Tommy about Jackson instead, filling him in on how you all ended up there, reluctantly telling him about the radio tower. It’s rarely used, only when someone wants to find a lost relative or loved one, but you leave that part out. 

“There’s Jackson, right up ahead,” you say, pointing across the open plain in front of the main gate that’s looming in the distance. “We all have guard duty, either on the wall or out on patrol, like I was today.” 

“You get a lot of people out here?” he asks, looking up at the wall as you ride closer. 

“In the beginning there were raiders who attacked from time to time, but I think we’ve wiped out any raiders in the area. If any come close, I think they choose to leave us alone, we’re too strong now, haven’t had an attack in years.” 

“What about infected?” Tommy glances over at Cain who’s running alongside Kieran’s horse. 

“Yeah, sometimes, we still have to be careful. But we’re starting to figure out how they move with the seasons,” you say, “and in the winter they’re as snowed in as we are.” 

You ride through the gate, waving to the guards, and carry on down the street towards the clinic. Diana runs it these days, with Eve as one of the nurses, and they spot you as you stop Aggy outside and slide off. Eve comes out first, wiping her hands and squinting up at Tommy with a professional eye and not recognizing him with his cuts and bruises. 

“You look pretty banged up,” she says, “let’s get you checked in and we’ll clean you up.”

“Eve,” you smile, “it’s Tommy Miller, from Boston, Benny’s cousin.” 

Tommy gives an awkward wave as you help him slide off Aggy to land unsteadily on one leg. Eve stares at him in confusion as Diana comes out behind her to see what the new patient needs. 

“Tommy?” she gasps, taking two long steps forward and staring at him with such intensity that he chuckles, holding on to you for balance. 

“Surprise,” he grins, holding out a hand dramatically and Eve giggles, finally finding herself again as she pulls him into a hug. 

“Holy shit, what are you doing here?” 

“Long story,” Tommy begins and you cut him off. 

“You’ve got a badly twisted ankle and a sprained wrist, save the story for after Diana has done her thing, please.” 

“Yeah, reunion later, let’s get you taken care of,” Diana says, going into doctor mode, “But it’s good to see you, Tommy. Benny and Will are going to be really happy to have you here.” 

You leave Tommy with Diana and Eve, and take Aggy to the stable before you go and find Benny and Will. They were on patrol too today and should be back already, and you find them both at Benny and Eve’s house, with Benny’s daughter Lily. Benny is feeding her with mixed success while Will watches from across the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest, chuckling at his brother’s attempts at convincing the two year old to eat mashed peas. 

“Hi,” you say as you step in after knocking, smiling at Lily who gives you a big grin, pushing her dad’s hand away again.

“Hey, how was the patrol?” Will asks and you can’t help your wide grin. 

“You’ll never guess who I found,” you chuckle as both men look up at you, “Tommy Miller.” 

“What?!” Benny stands up so fast Lily gets scared and immediately starts crying, “our Tommy?” 

“How many ‘Tommy Miller’ do you know, Benny?” you laugh, “Yeah, the one and only. He’s got a sprained ankle and is at the clinic with Diana and Eve. I wanted to let you know so we can go over there straight away.” 

Will is halfway to the door already and Benny quickly picks up Lily, her peas forgotten. 

“How did he end up out here?” Will asks as he pulls on his boots. 

“I don’t know yet, I didn’t know if he wanted to tell the whole story in front of people he doesn’t know, Kieran and Elijah were with me on the patrol.” You take Lily from Benny as he gets his shoes on and the four of you leave the house, walking towards the clinic. 

“He did tell me that Joel is still in Boston, or at least he was when he left. We found him in a small cabin and he’s been pretty banged up. He said he was running from raiders when he fell off a cliff and hurt his ankle.” 

“Shit, he’s lucky to be alive,” Will says, taking long strides and you have to jog to keep up with the two tall men. You soon reach the clinic and walk inside to find Eve manning the small desk set up just inside. Lily immediately reaches for her mom and you hand her over. 

“He’s in the first exam room with Diana,” Eve says as Benny gives her a quick kiss and you follow Will and his brother down the short hallway. The door to the room is open and Will gives the door frame a quick knock before he steps inside with Benny in tow.

“Shit, it really is you!” Benny exclaims as Will takes a few quick steps over to Tommy and gives him a big hug. 

“Man, so good to see you, but how the fuck did you find us all the way out here? Will chuckles and gives Tommy a careful clap on the shoulder before Benny steps in and hugs him. 

“Long fucking story,” Tommy grins, slapping away Benny’s hand as he ruffles Tommy’s long curls. 

“You need a haircut, cuz, how long have you been on the road for?” 

“I lost count, what month are we in now?” Tommy shakes his head and sighs, the grin slipping from his face. 

“May 8th,” Will says, “spring was late this year.” 

“Shit, May already?” Tommy says, rubbing his good hand over his face, “Let’s see, I left Boston March last year, I joined the Fireflies about two years before then, I just had to do something about the way things were going, the QZ is grim,” he grimaces, “and then a group of us transferred to Pittsburgh and from there to Kansas City.” 

“Why’d you leave Joel behind? Will asks and Tommy glances at him before he drops his eyes. 

“You know Joel, how he is after Sarah. He believes in nothing, doesn’t think there’s any point to anything. I couldn’t live like that, so I joined the Fireflies so that I could make a difference at least and Joel didn’t agree with it. Called them a bunch of delusional idiots who were going to get themselves killed, we had a big fight about it,” Tommy sighs again and shakes his head, “It got nasty, we didn’t speak much the last year I was in Boston.” 

“He still smuggling?” Benny asks and Tommy nods. 

“Yeah, he and Tess, risking their lives every time they leave the QZ. They live together now, or they did when I left. I thought maybe she’d soften him a bit but…I don’t know…” Tommy shrugs and looks at you, you’ve furrowed your brow at the mention of Tess’s name, “she’s as broken as he is and she calls the shots, Joel’s her muscle.” 

“He hasn’t changed then?” you ask, still standing at the door, and Tommy shakes his head. “If you’re asking if he still deals drugs, yeah, he does, and he still uses them,” Tommy shakes his head again, “I miss him, he’s my brother, but I had to get away from him.” 

“So what happened to make you leave Kansas City?” Will asks. 

“The Fireflies were setting up a base out in Salt Lake City and I got sent there. But…I guess I was starting to see where Joel was coming from,” Tommy shrugs and looks at Will, “the Fireflies weren’t making any difference, you know? Just creating more violence in the QZ’s, so I was trying to find a way to leave them on the way out to Utah. But then we got attacked by raiders. A few of us got away but they were hunting us, I got caught by one of them and he beat me up a bit. But I managed to knock him out and ran, didn’t stop running for hours I think. And then I fell down that fucking cliff and busted my ankle and wrist,” Tommy waves his bandaged arm and gives a crooked grin, “And I thought I was really done for it when two guys with a huge dog turned up and sniffed me out, but then she walks in, I was sure I was hallucinating.” 

You can’t help but smile, Tommy’s relief is palpable as he grins at you, “If you want to stay, we’ll put in a good word with Maria,” you say, “she’s the head of the board that runs Jackson, we always need more people we can trust.” 

“We should probably head over and tell her about you now, and see where we should house you and see about getting some food for you,” Will nods and gives Tommy a hand up from the exam table as Diana comes back in with a pair of crutches. 

“Food would be amazing,” he replies, “Diana was kind enough to give me some jerky but I can’t remember when I last had a proper meal.” 

“The community hall, where the cantina is, is next door,” Will says, “Let’s get you over there and then we’ll get Maria to come see you, saves you trying to hobble all across town.” 

“I’m going to go home and check on Frankie, I haven’t been back yet,” you step back to let Will help Tommy out through the door of the clinic, “and then I’ll get Maria.” 

“Alright, see you over there,” Will says and you head off back home. 

Frankie is where you left him, in bed, dozing with a book next to him. It doesn’t look like he’s gotten through a single page of it, but he doesn’t look as pale as he did this morning. He’s sleeping peacefully so you go back downstairs and heat up some soup for him. 

Jack tumbles through the door as you’re ladeling it into a bowl, back from school. He turned nine a few months ago and he’s growing into a mischievous little boy, all too willingly helped by his uncle Benny. He goes to the small Jackson community school, run by an elderly, former high school teacher who was brought to Jackson by her son. Jack isn’t the oldest child in Jackson anymore, over the years, small families have found their way here, mainly through sheer luck. But he’s still the only child who’s been here almost since the beginning and to him, Jackson is his entire world. Which is why he so eagerly listens to any stories about the world before the outbreak, you think they might sound like fairy tales to him, his; ‘Once upon a time…’

 To Frankie’s pride, the helicopters he’d given Jack on his first Christmas was a huge success, and stories about Frankie flying were still his favorites. 

“I’m gonna bring up some soup for your dad,” you tell him after he’s given you a hug, “Do you want some?” 

“No, I promised Benny I’d come over and play with Lily while he makes dinner,” Jack says, throwing his school bag on the table and then hanging it on its peg on the wall after a look from you. 

“They’re down at the community center with a new arrival,” you say, “I actually found one of their cousins, Tommy, when I was on patrol today and we brought him back. He’d sprained his ankle so Diana took care of him first and now they’re getting him some food.” 

“Oh, can I go down and see him?” Jack asks, already getting to his feet, always eager to meet any new people in Jackson. 

“Yeah, I thought you might like that,” you grin, “run ahead, I’m going to give Frankie this and see if he’s awake and check how he’s doing.”

“Ok, I’ll see you later!” Jack yells and takes off, slamming the door behind him. You’re pretty sure Frankie will be awake when you go upstairs, thanks to that. Putting the soup on a tray with a glass of water and some bread, you take it upstairs and gently push the door to the master bedroom open. 

“Hey,” Frankie says in a sleepy voice, “patrol go ok?” It’s always his first question whenever you come back, his worry less now but still always simmering when you leave Jackson without him. 

“Yeah, better than ok,” you say, putting the tray on the bedside table and smiling at him, “Elijah and Kieran found a man in a cabin, lightly injured after running from raiders, and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw him,” you pause for dramatic effect and Frankie raises his eyebrows, “It was Tommy Miller,” you grin, “just sitting on the floor of a cabin a few miles from Jackson.” 

“Tommy Miller?” Frankie's eyes widen in surprise and then you see the flash of worry that you’d felt and you’re not surprised about his next question, “And Joel?” 

“Not here, Tommy left him back in Boston.” 

“Oh,” Frankie says, his face slipping into a tired smile, “did you tell Benny and Will yet?” 

“Yeah, I took Tommy to Diana first and then told them, they’re with him now,” you reply and sit down next to Frankie on the bed, putting your hand on his forehead, “How are you feeling baby? You look a little bit better but you still seem tired.” 

“A little bit better, I think the fever broke, but I’m really tired,” he leans into your palm as you caress his cheek, running your thumb over his small bald patch. 

“I brought some soup, you didn’t eat anything all day did you?” 

“No, I slept most of the time,” he yawns and leans his head on your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist, “I was having weird dreams, you turned blue, and then butterflies landed on you and Jack kept telling me it was perfectly normal for this time of year.” 

You chuckle lightly, running your fingers through his tangled curls, trying to smooth them out, as Frankie sighs and pulls you down onto the bed so that he can curl into you. 

“How about some food, Frankie?” you say softly, still stroking his hair. 

He shakes his head, “Stay with me like this just for a little bit, I missed you,” he tucks his arm in under you and pulls you closer, the tip of his nose buried against your neck, “Tell me what Tommy said,” he mumbles, “how did he get out here?”

You begin to tell him what Tommy had told you, but it doesn’t take long before you hear his breathing slow down and he slips back into sleep. You carefully kiss the top of his head and untangle yourself from his arms, tucking him in again. The soup is left uneaten on the bedside table but you cover it and take it back downstairs. 

You leave Frankie sleeping and walk down to the community center, where Tommy is just polishing off his second bowl of stew while he chats with Will and Benny. Maria sits next to them and as you walk over they all laugh at something Tommy says. Maria is smiling and looking at the newest Miller with a look you haven’t seen on her before. 

“Hi,” you greet them all and sit down next to Jack who’s also at the table, mopping up his own stew with some bread, “Frankie says hello Tommy, but he’s gone back to sleep, he’ll see you when he’s better.”

“How’s Fish doing? Is it just a man-cold or the real deal?” Benny grins and you give him a mock scowl. 

“He’s actually sick, but his fever broke so he’s doing better, just really tired.” 

“The flu has been going around,” Maria says, “Pat and Linda were sick last week too.” She turns back to Tommy and gives him a smile, “So, now you know how things work around here, and we could really use someone like you here too, especially seeing as you’re family to some of our oldest residents, do you want to stay?” 

“Yeah, if you guys will have me, absolutely”, Tommy says, nodding as he looks around the table, “I’d really like to stay, and I’ll do whatever you need me to do to help out.”

“Tommy used to work in construction before the outbreak,” Will says, “he’ll be a great asset to the building team.” 

“Great, that’s really great,” Maria says and stands up as she smiles at Tommy again, “Will and Benny can show you to the house but it might be easier for you to stay with one of them until you’re healed up.” 

“Thanks, I really appreciate this, Maria,” Tommy says, smiling back at her and you catch Will’s eye as he winks at you with a grin. 

…

Tommy settles in easily, both with Will and Diana, where he stays until his ankle has healed, and in Jackson. You start remembering how easy Tommy was to hang out with at the old bar back in Boston when Joel wasn’t around, as he becomes a regular at Sunday night dinners. It’s only natural that Tommy joins these weekly dinners that you have with the two Miller brothers and their wives, but you’re not surprised when Maria starts coming to them too. The flirting between the two of them is obvious and Will has to slap Benny over the head when he ribs Tommy too hard about it. A few months after Tommy arrived in Jackson, they’re officially a couple and it doesn’t take long before Tommy moves in with Maria and as time moves along, it feels as if he’s always been part of the community, and your worry about Joel lessens. 

…

The short Wyoming summer is already starting to fade as you join Maria on a patrol and hunting trip up towards the foothills of the Rockies a few months later. You’ve stopped up on a ridge that overlooks Jackson for your lunch break, letting your horses graze nearby. Even though you’re on high alert, it’s peaceful up here, and Jackson looks like any small settler town down on the plain. 

“I’m glad you could come with me on this patrol,” Maria suddenly says, looking over at you, “I wanted to talk to you about something that might be sensitive.” 

“Sounds serious,” you reply, handing her one of the sandwiches from your pack. 

“Hopefully not,” she shakes her head, “but I don’t know if you know, Tommy asked to use the radio to contact his brother back in Boston, to let him know that he’s alive, which I was fine with and he talked to him last week.” 

You feel your skin go cold as you continue to look down at Jackson and Maria seems to sense the shift. 

“I told him not to say where he was, too much of a risk of someone listening in, but I saw no harm in him talking to his brother. But I can see that you think differently,” Maria pauses and keeps her eyes on you. 

“How did you know I’d have an opinion about who Tommy talks to?” you ask, turning to meet her gaze. 

“Will,” she replies, “Tommy told him he’d talked to Joel and Will came to me afterwards and said I should talk to you.” 

You nod and look back out towards Jackson, it still looks peaceful but it’s like you can feel Joel drawing closer. 

“Is there something in Tommy’s background that I need to know about?” Maria asks and you inhale, slowly letting the air slip out again as you look down at the toes of your boots before turning fully to Maria. 

“I’m only telling you mine and Frankie’s story, Tommy has to tell you his part with Joel, that’s not for me to say anything about,” you begin and look up at her, and she nods, so you continue 

“You know Frankie was in the army for years before the outbreak, with Will and Benny, that’s how they met” you begin, “They all have different scars from those days, and they’ve all handled them differently. Frankie, unfortunately, had really bad PTSD, and he didn’t handle it in the best way….” you sigh and glance back at Jackson, it feels like you’re betraying Frankie by telling Maria but she needs to know if you’re to protect him from Joel getting to Jackson, because of course, Tommy wants his brother here too. 

“Frankie developed a drug addiction,” you say, looking back at Maria who raises her eyebrows.

“Your Frankie?” she says with surprise, “he’s the last person I would think had a drug problem, he doesn’t even get tipsy at the bar.” 

“That’s the reason, he knows too well how easily he falls into it,” you reply, “and when I met him he’d gotten past that. He told me everything, the PTSD, the drugs, how he really hit rock bottom, and how he pulled himself together again. He’d put his life back together again when we met.” 

“Good for him, that’s not easy,” Maria says as she pours you both tea from a thermos and you take the mug she holds out. 

“Yeah, he had a lot of help from his friends, from Benny and Will, but mostly from a man called Santiago, you’ve probably heard about him.” 

“Yeah, you guys mention him sometimes, he’s the one you call ‘Pope’ right?” 

You nod, the usual twinge of grief in your heart as you think about Santi, “That’s him. He let Frankie sleep on his couch when he was at his lowest, lost his job, his apartment, he had nothing left, and Santi kept him afloat. And then Frankie’s girlfriend at the time got pregnant, and with Pope’s help, Frankie managed to get clean so that he could be a good dad for the baby, a girl called Lucía.” 

Maria sighs and you see a shade of a grief pass over her face, “Since she didn’t come to Jackson with you, I guess she didn’t make it?” 

You turn back to look at Jackson, rubbing a hand over your face. Certain memories from the past eighteen years are harder to look back on than others and as the scenes from the roadside outside Franklin floats up into your mind, tears well up and you swallow hard before you speak. 

“She died on one of the first days. Frankie and I were trying to get to her, she was staying with her mom on outbreak day, but we were too late. It broke Frankie,” you say, your voice unsteady as you drag the heel of your hand over your eyes, “And I know you understand.” 

You’d seen Maria’s little shrine to her son Kevin in her house, and noted how Tommy had added Sarah to it a little while ago. 

“I’m sorry,” Maria reaches out and puts her hand on your arm, “I didn’t realize he had a daughter too.” 

“He never talks about her to others, not even Jack knows, Frankie’s gonna tell him when he’s a bit older. But losing her, and then working for FEDRA, triggered his PTSD again. He was in bad shape and it was harder getting out of it this time, I had to try so hard…” you shake your head and Maria sits silently next to you until you draw a deep breath and continue. 

“Eventually we made it to Boston, we’d met Tommy and Joel just before we got there so we all arrived together and Frankie and the others started working together as smugglers, without me.” 

“You knew Tommy and Joel before the outbreak right?” Maria asks and you nod. 

“I met them once, we spent a fourth of July weekend together, so I didn’t know them well. But Joel, back then, he was a nice guy. Great with both his daughter and Lucía, seemed much more on top of things than Tommy,” you smile and Maria chuckles. “But after Sarah and ten years after the outbreak…he was very different. Not the same man at all,” you say, “He doesn’t seem to care about anyone except maybe Tommy. And the worst thing was, he brought out the worst in Frankie, Joel had no qualms about using violence to get what he wanted or needed, and it rubbed off on Frankie. Frankie’s not a violent man, none of them are, but they can be very violent when they have to. And Joel gave Frankie the permission to be as violent as possible…”

 You stop for a minute, gathering your thoughts as you remember the darkest days in Boston. 

“Frankie’s PTSD got bad, it was never really gone, not after Lucía, but it got really bad when he worked with Joel. And then Joel found a guy that could supply drugs,” you look over at Maria, “You probably don’t know, but because of Frankie’s addiction, Will, Benny and Pope were dead set against dealing any kind of drugs when they were smuggling. But Joel didn’t have the same reservation. And Frankie got addicted again…” 

“And Joel supplied them to him?” 

“Yeah, he did, but in Joel’s defense, he was using them too and he didn’t know Frankie used to be addicted. And when Frankie told him, Joel cut Frankie off and stopped selling to him. But there was another smuggler, Tess, that Tommy and Joel started working with, and she continued to sell to Frankie. And now, apparently, they’re pretty tight. Tommy said they’re living together, but…listen, Maria,” you turn back to her, taking your eyes off the view as you take hold of her hand to make your point crystal clear, “I do not want Joel Miller in Jackson. I’m sorry he lost his daughter, but he’s not a good man anymore, and if he comes here, I’m scared what he’ll bring with him and what it’ll do to Frankie.” 

Maria nods and holds your hand tight, “I agree with you, I only know Joel from what Tommy has already told me, but it’s enough for me to know that we don’t want someone like him here, even though Tommy loves him.” 

“But Tommy talked to him already?” 

“Yeah, but only to let him know that he’s alive and well, I told him not to tell Joel where we are.” 

“Sean knows what radio tower we’re broadcasting from, so Joel will know Tommy’s in Wyoming.” You get to your feet, nerves starting to grate on your limbs and you need to move so you pace along the ridge. 

“Maybe you should talk to Tommy?” Maria suggests, “make sure he knows you’re worried what’ll happen if Joel comes here.”

“And tell Tommy he can’t see his only living family member again?” You look at Maria and shake your head, “I can’t do that, much as I don’t want Joel here.” 

“Then talk to him and just tell him how you feel at least, Tommy knows what kind of man Joel is, he might come to the same conclusion as you, without you having to tell him.” 

“You think he’ll listen to that?” 

“Maybe, Tommy loves Joel but he did tell me about what the two of them used to do as smugglers, and he knows I think Joel was a dark influence on him. I think he’ll see it the same way for Frankie.”

“Yeah, ok, if you think he’ll understand,” you reply as Maria starts packing up the lunch. 

“He will, Joel was a big influence on him, but he’s been away from him for a long time now, he’ll understand.” 

…

You and Maria make it back to Jackson early in the evening and you drop off the rabbits you’ve managed to snare at the butches, bringing home some fresh deer meat in exchange. Jack is at the kitchen table as you come through the door and Frankie is peeling potatoes. From the conversation you can hear drifting out into the hall, Jack is trying to understand how the dam that supplies the electricity works, and Frankie is going through the different steps as you walk in. 

“Hey mom,” Jack says as you press a kiss to the top of his head, before putting the meat in the fridge. Frankie wipes his hands and pulls you into his side with an arm around your waist, tilting your head up with a hand on your cheek so that he can kiss you. 

“Welcome home, hermosa,” he mumbles as Jack makes retching noises in the background and you giggle. Jack’s at the age where any sign of physical affection between adults is the most embarrassing thing ever and Frankie loves teasing him about it. Wrapping both arms around you he buries his face against your neck and places loud, smacking kisses all along your throat as you try to fight him off, laughing at Jack’s loud protests behind you. 

“Nooo, stop,” he wails, “that’s so icky!” 

You can feel Frankie shaking with laughter under your hands as you finally manage to push him off. You’re laughing too and Jack shakes his head in the most indignant way as you bite the inside of your cheek, trying to stop the laughter. 

“C’mon Jack,” Frankie grins, “before you know it you’ll be desperate to kiss Simona, just give it a few more years, you’ll be asking Benny for advice.”

“Noooooo,” Jack howls and buries his head in his arms, “I’m not listening!”  

You slap Frankie’s chest but you’re still smiling, “Don’t send him to Benny for girl advice, Frankie!” 

“Fine, you can come to me for advice, Jack. I clearly know what I’m doing,” he grins at you and you have to roll your eyes at his mischievous smile. 

“I’m still not listening,” Jack mumbles from under his arms. 

“It’s fine, Jack, you can come out, I won’t let him kiss me again,” you laugh and Jack’s head pops up as you swat away Frankie’s grabby hands and he gives you a look as if you’ve just kicked his puppy.

“Mujer malvada,” he pouts, going back to the potatoes in the sink and you stick your tongue out at him before you start cleaning the fish that’s going to be dinner.  

“Have I told you how I met your mom, Jack?” Frankie asks, looking over his shoulder at the boy, who shakes his head.

“It better not be gross,” he says, “if it’s gross, I’m leaving.” 

“No, I promise, nothing gross, but I was at this bar with Benny, Will and Pope and she came in with some friends and I thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen,” Frankie winks at you and you’re not surprised to feel butterflies in your stomach even now as he smiles softly. 

“I was trying to be sly and look at her without her noticing, but she saw me straight away and I got all shy, didn’t know what to do with myself,” Frankie chuckles at the memory of the night at The Outback Bar. “And then Pope saw that I was looking at her and he started staring and then Benny and Will turned around and looked too and your mom got all nervous and- “ 

“I did not!” you protest laughing, “I suddenly had four big guys staring at me from across the bar, it was a bit disconcerting, but I was not nervous!” 

“You were totally nervous because we were checking you out, but you only had eyes for me, hermosa,” Frankie smiles. 

“It’s getting gross!!” Jack warns from the table and it makes you both laugh again. 

“So Pope said I should go and ask for her number, but I was too shy, I didn’t think someone like her would want to talk to me,” Frankie smiles at you again and you give him a wink before going back to the fish. 

“Wait,” Jack says, “what number? Why did you need a number from her?” 

“So back before the outbreak we had telephones, kinda like radios, but every telephone had a unique number and if you dialed it, you got to that specific telephone. So I wanted the number for her telephone so that I could call and talk to her,” Frankie explains and Jack nods. He’s used to things from before the outbreak needing to be explained and it constantly amazes you how normal he seems to think this world is, but of course, it’s the only world he’s known. 

“So I was too shy to go ask for her number,” Frankie says, “But Pope bet me money that I wouldn’t have the guts to do it, and that made me go up and talk to her.” 

“And then I wouldn’t give him my number,” you laugh, “he came up to me just as they were closing the bar and I didn’t want to give my number to this random guy, even though he was kinda cute.” 

“I was devastated, Jack!” Frankie says, throwing his arms out for dramatic effect and making Jack giggle, “She was so beautiful and had this amazing smile and I really wanted to get to know her but she just turned me down and then she and her friends were leaving.” Frankie looks over at you with a tender smile, “It was like electricity when you looked at me across the bar, hermosa, and then you broke my heart.” 

“So what happened?” Jack asks, interested against his will, leans forward on the table. 

“I had to go back to Pope and tell him I didn’t get her number and he was nice enough to not tease me too much about it,” Frankie says, smiling at the memory, “And then we left the bar, I was going to drive everyone home, and as we were walking across the parking lot I hear someone call my name, and I turn around.” Frankie’s finished with the potatoes and places them on the stove and turns it on before sitting down at the table next to Jack. “She was walking towards me across the lot and I was rooted to the spot like a fool,” he chuckles, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck as he looks up at you, “But Pope, he gave me a shove and made me move, so we met in the middle and she asked me for my phone and then she gave me her number.” 

“And then I kissed you,” you say from the counter, wiping your hands clean from the fish as you smile at him. 

“And then you kissed me,” Frankie says, and his eyes soften as he meets yours, “And I was a goner, I think I fell in love with you right there.” 

“Gross,” Jack says, breaking the spell and Frankie laughs, reaching out and pulling you down on his lap. 

“Not gross at all, it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he smiles and Jack shoves his chair back from the table. 

“I’m leaving,” he announces and you hear him thunder up the stairs, “I’m gonna get my bag and toothbrush!”

“His toothbrush? Were we that gross today?” you ask, confused, and Frankie chuckles. 

“He’s sleeping over at Mike and Jesse’s place, he asked me when he got back from school and since it’s a Friday, I said ok and we get the house to ourselves tonight…” Frankie’s hand slides up to grip the back of your neck and pull you closer, brushing his nose against yours before he gently kisses you. 

“Did you already make plans?” you smile between Frankie’s soft kisses and he nods. 

“Dinner and then an early night I think, I definitely need to lay down and be in a horizontal position for most of the evening, and I think you should join me.” 

“You’re such a dork, Francisco Morales,” you say, cupping his cheek with your hand as you feel him grin against your lips. 

“I love it when you use my full name, I know I did good when that happens,” he kisses you again but you hear Jack come thundering down the stairs so you pull back and stand up. 

“You’ve got everything?” you ask him as he comes into the kitchen and he holds up his backpack and pillow. 

“Yeah, I think so,” he says and you bend down and give him a hug and a kiss. 

“Have fun sweetie, don’t let Jesse scare you and Mike with ghost stories again ok?” 

“I’m not scared of those anymore mom,” he protests, “they’re not real.” 

“Alright then, good to know,” you laugh as Frankie comes over and gives Jack a hug too. 

“Sleep well, gordito, see you tomorrow morning.” 

“Ok, see ya tomorrow!” 

Jack wriggles out of Frankie’s tight hug and gives you a big grin and disappears out through the front door. Frankie immediately takes your hands and puts them up around his neck so that he can wrap his own around your waist. 

“I have plans, hermosa,” he smiles, leaning his forehead against yours. 

“Dinner first, Morales,” you say, making him walk backwards to the kitchen where the potatoes are boiling on the stove, “but then you’ve got free range, you can fuck me however you want, come wherever you want…” you trail off, placing a kiss on his soft lips as he groans. 

“You’re killing me, cariño.”  

…

“Let me hear it, bebita, please,” Frankie growls, digging his fingers into your thigh, holding you open as you arch your back and choke back a moan, “The house is empty, you know I love hearing what I do to you.” 

“Oh god, Frankie…” you pant as he bends his head back to your heated clit and circles his tongue around it again, “pleasepleaseplease,” you plead, fingers grabbing his curls to urge him on. You hear him groan into you as he tightens his grip on your hips, licking and sucking, his nose slipping through your folds as he lets his tongue taste you. His hips are grinding into the bed, seeking any relief. You know he’s rock hard and leaking, he’s groaning into your soft heat, lapping at your opening as you writhe underneath him. 

He’s taken his time tonight, he only rushed you upstairs after dinner, slowing down as he got you to the bedroom. Asking you to take your clothes off slowly, one item at a time while he watched. You’d seen him grow hard, palming himself through his jeans, a mischievous smile making his mouth twitch as you pulled your t-shirt over your head, letting your hands skim over your breasts on the way down to your pants. 

When he had you naked and lying back on the covers, he pulled his own shirt off and climbed up between your legs, pushing them apart with his knees. Sinking back on his heels he took his time looking over your body, his warm palms skimming over your legs, caressing the soft skin on the inside of your thighs. When finally made space for his wide shoulders between your legs, you were moaning, begging him to touch you where you needed it the most. 

Now he’s lazily letting his tongue flick across your clit, holding you open with one hand as his other begins to tease your opening, one thick finger sliding in, your arousal letting him push it in with no resistance. 

“Fuck…Frankie…” you keen, “more, give me more…” and he chuckles, you can feel the vibrations across your heated skin as you try to press your core closer to his mouth, his fingers. 

“Relax, bebita,” he mumbles, his lips brushing over your clit with every word, his tongue lapping over it again, making you whimper, “we have all night.” 

But he pulls out his finger, and slides two back in, curling them as he pushes deep and then out, slowly. Setting a steady pace, he knows exactly how to make your back arch as he holds your hips down with a heavy arm over your belly, fingers and tongue working together to make you come undone. You can feel your muscles tighten as your mind unravels, all there’s room for is how he makes you tremble and whimper, trying to remember how to breathe. 

You grab hold of his curls, twisting your fingers around them, pulling him closer. When you glance down you see him looking up your body, dark eyes watching your chest heave as you gasp for air. 

“Frankie…” you moan, dropping your head back onto the pillow, the sight of him, your legs spread wide around his shoulders, too much to handle as he curls his fingers back and increases his rhythm. You hear him mumble against your skin, incoherent words that pulls your coil tighter. 

He’s pushing your leg up, moving to give himself more leverage, leaving your clit for a moment to lick a broad stripe up from where his fingers are knuckle deep, to the very apex. He feels your pussy start to clamp down harder around him and he knows you’re close. Glancing up at you again he seals his lips around the swollen button and pulls it into his mouth, making you cry out, tightening your fingers in his hair. He doesn’t let up, moaning into you, his fingers finding every nerve ending as they slide through the silky heat. He pushes himself up on his knees, groaning as the movement makes his pants rub against the aching head of his cock, but the new position lets him spread you open, gives him more leverage and he uses it to increase the pressure on your clit. 

Your mouth falls open, strangled cries escaping as the coil tightens in every muscle. You can feel him grab your thigh, his fingers digging in as he holds himself together, intent on making you topple over the edge. Forcing your eyes open you look down at him, on his knees, the dark curls on the top of his head brushing over your belly as he buries his face between your legs. He’s growling into you and as he quickly slips in a third finger, stretching you open, his tongue flicking hard over your clit, you feel yourself explode. 

“Frankie, fuck…d-don’t… “ You close your eyes against the onslaught, colors dancing behind your eyelids as his movements continue to shoot electricity through your muscles, thick fingers keeping you open, his shoulder forcing your legs to spread wide as his tongue laps across, and then around, your overwrought bundle of nerves. 

He feels your grip on his hair loosen, the muscles in your legs go limp around him, and he slowly gives your clit a final, soft, kiss, his fingers slipping out. You’re gasping for air as he leans his head against the plush inside of your thigh, relishing in the softness of the flesh and the sight in front of him. He can feel the heat coming from your folds, puffy and shining, slick with your arousal and his saliva, and as he lets his eyes trail up your body he meets your drowsy eyes. 

“You back with me?” he smiles, giving your thigh a soft kiss. 

“Just about,” you smile back at him, “I lost a few seconds there.” You reach down and take his hand, tugging slightly on it, “Come here, take those pants off and fuck me, Francisco Morales.” 

He groans at your words, his cock twitching and reminding him of how painfully hard it is, and he lets your fumbling fingers open the buttons when he reaches your mouth. You can taste yourself on him, smell it on his beard, it’s slick against your cheek when he slides his tongue into your mouth. 

“Got..got to get ‘em off…” he mutters, struggling to keep kissing you and push the stubborn jeans down his legs. He groans as the rough denim scrapes across his cock tenting in the soft cotton of his boxers.

“Oh fuck it,” he snaps and pushes himself up off the bed and you can’t help but laugh as he stumbles back, tugging at his pants, kicking them off his feet and rushing to crawl up the bed to you again. 

“I need to fuck you so badly now,” he growls, grabbing your hand and moving it down between your bodies, making you close your fingers around him. He’s hot and velvety to the touch, you love the feel of him like this, so hard you can feel every ridge and vein, every twitch as your hand caresses the heavy weight of his cock. 

He moans into your mouth, hips thrusting into your hand, and you guide the head to brush across your clit, gathering the slick that still coats you. The feel of him across your sensitive clit makes you shiver as he moans again, a low rumble coming from deep inside him. He drops his head against your shoulder, pushing your legs apart with his hips, letting you guide him inside. 

“Always so good, cariño,” he mutters, pushing his thick length in, inching it deeper with shallow thrusts, “always so fucking good, bebita.” 

Wrapping your legs around his waist, you take him deep, as he tries to hold himself up over you, but you pull him down. He always thinks he’s too heavy on top, but you love to feel him over you, his hot skin sliding against yours, crushing you down into the bed, wide shoulders and arms caging you in underneath him. 

“I want you closer Frankie,” you mumble, your arms around his shoulder, tangling your fingers in the long curls at the back of his neck, pulling him down, “I love feeling you weighing me down.” 

You reach up and find his lips, feeling him breath into your mouth as he starts thrusting into you, grunting, panting hard. “Love looking up and seeing only you above me, only you Frankie,” you whisper and he whimpers, you can feel him stutter and pick up his speed, moaning into you.

“You feel so good, baby,” you kiss his open mouth, “make me feel so good, so full, so fucking full of you, so thick, so hard.” 

You wrap your legs tighter around him, rocking up to meet his thrusts, “Fuck me harder Frankie, you feel so good like this,” you’re mumbling against him, your hands holding him close to you, he’s panting, groaning and every sound you pull from him makes your own arousal build again. 

As he changes his angle, you moan, squeezing your eyes shut, he’s hitting something deep inside that shoots sparks through your limbs. 

“You’re gonna make me come again, please, make me come again…” you can’t stop yourself from crying out as he sinks his teeth into your lip, his dark eyes glinting above you. 

He’s moving faster, pushing himself deeper, each thrust grazing over your clit, sending sharper sparks through your body with each pass. 

“Come on then,” he growls, almost an order, “come for me again and I’ll fuck you so full, cariño, I’m so…fuck…close,” he groans, his rhythm faltering and it hits you like a truck, your body tries to arch up against him, his weight keeping you pressed against the bed as you cry out, almost a sob, digging your fingers into his shoulders. 

Frankie’s breath catches in his throat, through your own haze you hear him shout, he’s grinding into you, groaning loudly into your ear as he struggles to hold himself up under the onslaught of his climax, his groans turns to whimpers and you pull him down on top of you, not caring about his heavy weight. 

His face is pressed against your shoulder, and he turns his head, drawing a deep breath as he feels your pulse race under the delicate skin on your throat. He looks at the way it thrums, your breathing slowing down as you relax under him, your body soft and pliant. Your fingers move from his shoulders, he knows he’ll feel marks there tomorrow, and up into his hair, caressing slowly through the tangled curls, scratching his scalp. 

He hums, melting into you, he knows he should move, get his weight off you, but you're warm, soft, like velvet under him, and his body doesn’t want to shift. Instead he presses himself closer, his nose skating across your jaw, lips against the soft skin by your ear. 

“Tell me to move,” he mumbles, breathing against you and he sees you shake your head, your fingers holding him tight, passing through his hair and sending delicate shivers down his spine. 

“Don’t move, stay,” you whisper, cupping the back of his head with your hand. 

He draws a deep breath, listening to the silent house, your breathing, your heartbeat under his ear, the soft scrape of your nails against his scalp. 

“If this is the rest of my life, I will die the happiest man in the world,�� he says, his voice low, not wanting to disturb the peace. He sees corners of your mouth quirk up in a lazy smile as you turn and kiss the tip of his nose, the only part of him you can reach. 

“Have I made you happy?” he asks, voice still low and quiet. He knows the answer, has known it for years now, but sometimes he still wants to hear you say it. 

“Always, Frankie, you always make me happy,” you smile, shifting under him so that you can look at him, your eyes softening as you lean your forehead against his, “Have I made you happy?” 

“More than anything, hermosa, amor de mi vida, you make me happy every day,” he says, brushing his lips against yours, pressing a soft kiss there, keeping his lips close to your mouth, sharing breaths. 

….

It’s a rare morning the next day, waking up when you want to, not when the old shrill alarm clock wakes you. Or actually, this morning you wake up when you feel Frankie shift behind you, his warm body pressing closer to you, his heavy arm pulling you just that little bit tighter. He’s not even awake yet, his even breathing tickling the back of your neck as he stirs, even in his sleep making sure you’re near him. 

You let yourself wake up gently, relishing in the feeling of being warm in bed with Frankie, safe, happy, nowhere you need to go today at least. Frankie’s hand is resting on your chest, between your breast, and you trace soft patterns with your fingertips on the back of it. Slowly he wakes up, burying his nose into your hair and breathing deeply, groaning as he stretches out behind you. 

“Morning,” he mumbles, his voice low and heavy with sleep. 

“Morning, my love,” you say, turning in his arms so that you can see him. He gives you a sleepy smile and cups your cheek with his hand. 

“Have you been awake long?” He asks and you shake your head. 

“Just a little bit, I was enjoying the peace and quiet. And you were so warm and nice, my Frankie shaped furnace,” you smile and give the tip of his nose a peck, making him wrinkle it with a grin, “Did you sleep well?” you ask. 

“Yeah, like a log, no nightmares, no bad dreams,” he replies, his thumb caressing your cheek, tracing along your nose, under your eyes and following the line of your jaw to your chin, “slept like a baby.” 

His nightmares are almost rare these days, but you still ask, you always want to know and he knows why, he’s never going to hide anything from you again. 

He shifts, his hand slipping over your shoulder, down along your body until he can cup his large hand over your ass and pull you closer. It makes you smirk and he chuckles. 

“How do you feel about morning sex, cariño,” he grins, grabbing your thigh and hooking it over his hip. His half hard cock is already making itself known and it makes you give an involuntary shiver as your hips buck into his. 

“I’d be very interested in morning sex,” you smile, leaning forward to capture his sleep warm lips in a kiss, ignoring the morning breath. He hums into your mouth and grinds his hips in between your legs, dragging his rapidly stiffening cock over your clit in a move that makes you moan. 

A door slams downstairs and you hear Jack’s clear voice echo through the house. 

“I’m back! I got eggs from Jesse!” 

Frankie groans and you sigh, much as you love your son, his timing is unbelievably bad. 

“We’ll be right there, honey!” You call over Frankie’s shoulder. He groans again, grinding into you harder this time. 

“I can be real quick and quiet, you know that,” he growls, grabbing your hips and you laugh, pushing him away. 

“Raincheck, Frankie, we can always take a shower later,” you smile, kissing him as you pull away from his grabby hands. 

“I’m taking that as a promise,” he grins, rolling out of bed and grabbing his pants and following you downstairs. 

“Morning sweetie,” you say to Jack, kissing his cheek, “did you have fun?” 

“Yeah, we played this old game called Twister, do you know it?” he asks. 

“The one with the mat and you have to put arms and feet on the right markers? Yeah, I used to play when I was little.” 

“Jesse traded for one and we played it all night, it was so much fun!” Jack’s out of the chair and demonstrating on the floor how he contorted his body to reach the markers, “I want one too!”

“I could probably make you one,” Frankie says from the stove, “it wouldn’t be hard.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, I’ll see what supplies I have, I know I have paint already.” 

“Can I help?” Jack asks as you start putting away the eggs that he’s handed you. 

“Sure, do you want to do it today?” Frankie ruffles Jack’s hair, “And give me a hand with breakfast, did you eat already?”

“Yeah, I ate there. Can we do it when you’ve had breakfast?” 

“Unless your mom has plans for us?” Frankie hooks his arm around your waist and puts his chin on your shoulder, “Any plans for us, cariño?” he grins, giving you a quick wink. 

“No, no plans at all actually,” you give him a mock scowl before kissing the tip of his nose with a smile. 

…

The conversation you had with Maria sticks in your head after Frankie leaves. You haven’t told him about it yet and part of you wants to protect him from having to worry about Joel. You bounce it back and forth in your head, going from wanting to ignore the whole thing to trying to convince yourself that the chances of Joel showing up are slim. But then you remind yourself that if Benny and Will, and Tommy, could make the trek across the country and find Jackson, so could Joel. Joel is nothing if not persistent. 

In the end, you decide that you have to talk to Tommy, at least for your own peace of mind. 

You seek him out at home when you know Maria is busy with a town meeting, knocking on their front door. He answers with a smile and opens the door wide, inviting you in.

“Hey, good to see you! Maria’s not in if it’s her you’re looking for,” he says and leads you into the kitchen. 

“No, I know she’s at the town meeting, I actually came to see you,” you say, deciding to get straight to the point. 

“Alright, what’s up? And do you want some tea? I was just going to make some,” he replies, holding up a mug to you. 

“Thanks, tea would be great,” you sit down at the kitchen table and tap on the surface with your nails, gathering your thoughts. 

“So what’s up? Seems serious, you look pretty tightly wound,” Tommy turns to you after putting a kettle to boil. 

“I don’t know how to start, Tommy, I feel a bit shitty about bringing this up with you, but…” you shift on your chair, leaning back and Tommy furrows his forehead as you fidget. 

“I talked to Maria, and she told me you talked to Joel on the radio,” you eventually say, watching Tommy take out another mug and tea, “And you know how bad Frankie was in-”

“You’re worried Joel’s gonna come out here,” Tommy says, and it’s not a question, “And get Frankie back into trouble.” He pours the boiling water into the mugs and sits down opposite you at the table. 

You shift again uncomfortably but Tommy doesn’t look mad or disappointed, he’s just nodding slightly, looking down at his own mug. 

“I’m sorry, Tommy, I know he’s your only family,” you begin but Tommy shakes his head. 

“I know maybe more than you think,” he says, “Benny told me pretty much everything, I think he’s worried about Joel turning up here too. So I know the part my brother played in Frankie’s drug addiction.” 

“It’s not just that, Tommy,” you reply, leaning forward and holding onto the mug, “besides, the drugs don’t worry me so much, I doubt anyone could find drugs out here anyway. But Joel is violent.” 

You see Tommy’s shoulder’s drop forward, like he’s hunching, as he gives you a small nod, “I know, it came out after Sarah.” 

“It gets to Frankie too, Joel’s anger rubs off on him, Tommy. And Frankie knows how to be very violent, maybe even more than Joel, and with his PTSD, the fucking leftovers from Delta…” you shake your head, sighing, “When we were in Boston, Frankie behaved in ways I’ve never seen from him, when he was working with Joel. And Joel…he sees it like it’s the only way to do things, to survive, and he encouraged Frankie, saw it as he was doing the only right thing.” 

“You know Maria doesn’t want him here either, right?” Tommy asks, “I told her about how Joel and I had been surviving since the outbreak and she doesn’t think what we did was right, says we could’ve made different choices.” 

“But Joel never saw it that way,” you reply and Tommy nods in agreement. 

“No, he never did, he was barely surviving, after Sarah, and he just hardened. I never questioned if what we did was right, we did it to survive and he was the only family I had so I followed him. Blindly maybe. 

“And he hasn’t changed? Since Frankie and I left Boston I mean,” you ask. 

“No, if anything he’s more ruthless than ever. We started working with Tess, Frankie introduced us to her, did you know that?” 

You nod, Frankie had told you everything that had happened those last few months in Boston, how he got drugs after Joel stopped selling to him. 

“She can be as ruthless as Joel, whatever it takes to survive, and it turned out they were kinda the same, maybe like with Frankie and Joel,” Tommy drains his mug of tea and gives you a crooked smile. “It took me a while to pick up on it, but they must’ve started something pretty soon after we met her. I only found out when I realized she’d moved in with him, that they were sleeping together.” 

“It’s hard to imagine Joel caring for anyone but himself and you,” you say, “it sounds horrible to say it, but he’s so different from who he was when I met him before the outbreak, I can’t see him loving anyone.”  

Tommy shrugs, “I don’t know if he loves Tess, if he’s even capable of that anymore, losing Sarah, it took it all out of him. Maybe she’s just in his sphere, someone he needs to protect, like he used to protect me.” 

“Has it changed him, being with Tess I mean?”

“I was hoping it would change him, soften him at least a little, but whatever it is they have, Joel is the same on the outside. And things in the QZ were getting worse so when Marlene, she’s the leader of the Boston Fireflies, approached me, I wasn’t hard to convince…” Tommy leans back in his chair, sighing deeply, “Joel got really mad when he found out I joined them, we had a big fight, left it on pretty bad terms…” Tommy trails off and looks guilty.

“We didn’t really get past it before I left…” he says after a long pause, “when I told him I was leaving with the Fireflies he just just shrugged and said I’d always joined every lost cause. Maybe he’s right, I don’t know. But I know he was mad at me for leaving, but I couldn’t stay and do nothing.” 

“At least you tried to make a difference, Tommy, even if the Fireflies weren’t right for you,” you say, giving Tommy a small smile, he seems to be feeling guilty about leaving Joel but you think it was probably for the very best, at least Tommy. 

“I’ve got to ask though…” you hesitate, “do you think Joel wants to come out here, bring Tess? Because…fuck, that’s my worst nightmare at the moment Tommy.” 

“I won’t tell him anything,” Tommy shakes his head, “And Maria asked me to not contact him again.” 

“She did?” Your eyebrows shoot up and you can’t help the relief that floods your chest, “I didn’t know she was going to do that, I…I’ve got to admit I wanted to but Joel’s your brother-” 

“He’s my brother, and I love him,” Tommy interrupts,”but you met him before the outbreak, he isn’t the same person now, hasn’t been for almost twenty years, and Jackson doesn’t need someone like him, he brings too much violence and he only cares about himself.” 

You nod, leaning back in the creaking kitchen chair, the knot in your stomach is unraveling as you let yourself exhale. 

“I’m sorry it has to be that way,” you say, “but I’m relieved, keeping Frankie, and Jack, safe and happy, is all I care about. Maybe I’m like Joel in that respect, but they’re my family, and to me, Joel’s a threat to them.” 

“You’re nothing like Joel,” Tommy replies, “or maybe, we’re all a bit like Joel, keeping our family safe first, but I know my brother’s ways are too violent. It took me a while to understand that, but here, in this community, it’s clear that there can be another way of keeping family safe.” 

… 

When you get back to your house, Frankie’s already back and you can smell the wood smoke from the fireplace. You’re not surprised when you find him flat on his back on the couch, his cap pulled down over his eyes, snoring softly. As you walk into the room he stirs, pushing it up onto his forehead. Years of being a soldier, and living in this new world, has made him a very light sleeper, the years in Jackson haven’t changed that. Now he’s giving you a sleepy smile as he reaches out for you, pulling you down over him when you take his hand. 

“Hey, cariño,” he says, tucking you into his side so that you can stretch out and put your head on his chest, “I missed you when I got home.” 

“Yeah, I was out,” you say, burying your nose into his soft t-shirt, “I went to see Tommy about something.” 

“Mhmm…” Frankie hums, still sleepy as he runs his hand up and down your back, you can feel his lips against the top of your head. 

“How’s Tommy?” he asks eventually and you have to shift so that you can look up at him, his sleepy brown eyes looking up at you. 

“I went to see him about Joel,” you confess and although you expect Frankie to look confused, he just nods and sighs. 

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about Joel coming here too,” he says, pushing his cap further up so that he can see you properly, “Tommy’s the only family he’s got, I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes out here too.” 

“He won’t,” you say, shaking your head, “Tommy told Maria about what kind of man Joel is and she’s asked him not to talk to him again, to not risk him coming here.” 

“And Tommy’s ok with that?” Now Frankie does look surprised as you nod. 

“Yeah, he’s no fool, he knows what kind of man Joel’s turned into. And they didn’t leave it on the best of terms when Tommy joined the Fireflies. And he doesn’t want him to come here either, he knows the type of violence Joel brings.” 

“Cariño, I don’t think Tommy not talking to Joel is going to stop him if he really wants to find him. If you and I could make it across the country, so can Joel, especially if he’s looking for his only brother.” 

“Frankie, I really don’t want him to come here, he can’t come here, I don’t want him even near us,” you push yourself up to sitting and Frankie follows you, but he wraps his arms around you, pulling you close. 

“You’re worried I’ll fall back into the same habits as in Boston,” it’s not a question, but you nod as he rubs his hands up and down your back. 

“You shouldn’t worry, cariño,” he says, “even if he does come, I’m not the same man I was in Boston, I promise.” 

“I know, Frankie, he just scares me, he just…” you trail off but Frankie knows what you’re thinking. 

“I know he brought out the worst in me, cariño, but I’m stronger now. I haven’t used drugs in almost nine years, I’ve got both you and Jack, and a purpose in Jackson that’s more important than any of the shit I did in the QZ’s.” He cups your cheek in his warm palm and caresses the soft skin, “If, and it’s a big if, he comes here, it won’t be the same as last time, I know that, hermosa.” 

You nod into his hand and he gives you a warm smile, “Always looking out for me, still don’t know what I’d do without you, cariño.” 

…

Frankie’s words calm you some, and he’s right of course. He is stronger now than he was before, he’s nothing like the man he was after his daughter died, and life has almost returned to normal for the two of you. It’s only the constant patrols, and people’s scars from life outside of Jackson, that remind you of what surrounds Jackson. But as spring turns into summer and then fall, your fear of Joel showing up lessens. Tommy doesn’t contact him again and he doesn’t turn up. Jackson has turned into a busy small town and life keeps you occupied, before you know it, it’s winter again and the town prepares for its official holiday celebration.

…

“Are you going on patrol tomorrow?” Frankie asks you one afternoon as he comes back home, shrugging out of his thick jacket and stomping the snow off his boots. 

“No, not until Saturday, why?” 

“They’re showing ‘The Goodbye Girl’ at the community center tonight, I thought we could go. I have no idea what the movie’s about but apparently it won an Oscar,” Frankie says, giving you a cold kiss as he comes into the kitchen. 

“You’re freezing, Frankie,” you smile and he rubs the icy tip of his nose against your cheek, making you protest when he moves further down and presses it against your neck. 

“It’s freezing outside, I was chopping wood though, kept me warm,” he grins, his warm hands sliding between your sweater and jeans, “But what do you think, wanna go on a movie date with me and Jack?” 

“Sure, sounds nice,” you say, giving up on stopping him from warming his nose up against your skin, his nose is cold but his breath is warm and sends shivers down your spine, “Beats watching Home Alone for like the hundredth time.” 

“Yeah, the movie selection isn’t great,” Frankie chuckles, “I mean, great movie, but how many times have we seen it now?” 

“We need to figure out where the nearest movie theater is and see what’s available,” you say, “What movies were in theaters on outbreak day?” 

“Uuhh…all I remember is that Pope and I went and saw the re-release of Scarface, that was awesome,” Frankie says as he lets go of you to grab a glass and fill it up with water and you lean on the counter next to him. 

“You and I went and saw ‘Lost in Translation’, that’s the last time we went to the movies before it all.” 

“Oh yeah, that was good too,” Frankie nods, “made me wanna go to Japan. Remember we were planning it, seeing if we’d be able to go someday?” 

You sigh and wrinkle your nose, “Let’s change the subject, now I’m bummed we never got to go to Japan, or even on a proper holiday together.” 

“You wanna sip cocktails on the beach with me, hermosa?” Frankie smiles, coming to stand in front of you at the counter, his hands on either side. 

“I would love to sip cocktails on a beach with you, Frankie,” you smile back at him, wrapping your arms around his neck so that you can card your fingers through the curls on his neck, “see you in a cute little speedo, all nice and tan.” 

Frankie snorts, “When did you ever see me in a speedo?” 

“Never, but a girl can dream,” you grin back at him, “Although, I’m not sure what speedo would be able to contain your…’talent’.” 

“I wanna see you in a bikini again,” Frankie says, his voice taking on a lower tone, “I grieve the loss of that yellow bikini you had…” he gives you a mischievous smile, “any chance of finding something like that at the store?”

“Not much need for bikinis in the apocalypse, Frankie,” you laugh, “but I’ll see what I can do, maybe I can use it for gardening in the summer. But on one condition.” 

“Anything, hermosa…” Frankie has pulled you closer, his mind clearly on the lost yellow bikini as you feel his half hard cock pressing into your belly. 

“You help with the gardening, wearing a speedo,” you grin at him as he laughs. 

“Deal, anything to see you in a bikini again,” he says, smiling down at you, “but I can’t promise we’ll get much gardening done.” 

He bends his head down, letting his nose brush against yours, the tip of it warm again as his hand slips up to hold the back of your neck and his lips press against yours. He deepens the kiss, nudging your mouth open with his tongue as you pull him closer. It’s soft as he licks into you, small touches, tasting him as your breaths mingle. 

He’s so familiar now, the way his hand holds your neck, lightly caressing your hair, his other hand at your waist, fingertips grazing whatever bare skin he can reach. You think you could identify him just by the way his thumb rubs small circles into your waist, his touch seared into your brain just as his taste is. Even his tongue is familiar, and the way the tip of his nose always touches the same spot on your cheek when he tilts his head to kiss you deeper. Your fingers run through his curls, finding the well hidden scar from some old army injury, and down to his neck again. 

He hums into your mouth, his cock pressing hard into your soft belly, heat pooling between your legs, before he reluctantly pulls away, leaning his forehead against yours. 

“Wish we had more time, hermosa,” he mumbles, “I need to take a shower and I want to take it with you.” 

“Jack will be home any minute,” you say in a low voice, gently scratching the back of his head, “and I should make some dinner before we go to the movie.”

“Alright, raincheck for tonight then,” he smiles, giving you one more kiss, letting it linger, before he pulls away. 

…

The Jackson community center is full as the movie starts playing, movie night is always popular. Jack managed to snag a seat reserved for the children in the middle of the room, and now he sits engrossed in the images playing out on the large white screen hanging on the wall. Frankie and you are standing by the wall, watching the film through the gaps in the audience as people filter in and out. Frankie, thanks to his height, could have a better view, but he prefers to rest his chin on your shoulder as he stands behind you, hands secure around your waist. You can feel his breath tickle your cheek and you lean against his scruffy jaw, briefly closing your eyes to capture the moment in your mind; the warm community hall, Frankie’s soft beard against your skin, his strong arms around your waist and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat behind you, and all around you the smell of fresh popcorn. 

You open your eyes again and look for Jack, he’s got his elbows on his knees, wide eyes staring at the screen, mouth hanging open as he takes in every detail of the scene in front of him. It makes you smile to see him so enthralled by every movie that gets shown here, and it makes you wish you could show him your own favorites from when you were nine, almost ten, you remind yourself. He’ll be ten in a few weeks.

The film doesn’t capture your imagination as much as it does for Jack so you let your eyes drift across the audience, you spot Will and Diana across the hall, but you can’t see Benny and Eve. You look around the room for them, they usually always turn up, only for Benny to moan about the movie selection as you all walk home together afterwards. 

Searching the room you spot Tommy talking to Maria, her hand on the small swell of her pregnant belly, and something about the conversation makes you stop and look at them. When Tommy turns and walks away Maria sees you, and gives you a smile, but it looks tight. You smile back but in the corner of your eye you see Tommy exit the community hall and disappear outside. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up, a shiver running down your spine, and as you look back at the screen, you can’t focus on it. 

“I’ll be right back,” you say, turning to give Frankie’s cheek a kiss, “pee break.” He nods and lets you go as you slip through the crowd, avoiding Maria’s eyes. You don’t know why you need to see where Tommy went, but something in your gut tells you to find out, Tommy’s face said something. 

The air outside is cold as you exit the hall. You left your coat with Frankie so you tuck your arms around yourself as you look up and down the street. It’s empty, only fairy lights and snowflakes. Not sure where to go, you turn and walk down towards the stables, the snow whirling around you. 

Nothing stirs and there’s no sign of Tommy as you make your way past the small shops that serve the community. You’re shivering as you reach the stables and the warm smell of horses and manure envelops you as you crack the door open and slip inside. A soft nicker from the horses closest greets you, the large animals stirring and looking in your direction at the intrusion. Finding old Winston, a graying gentleman now, in his stall, you softly rub his muzzle as he blows warm air at your fingers. 

“All quiet here, old friend?” you ask in a low voice, and Winston snorts gently, lowering his head so that you can reach between his ears. 

“Only my ghosts, I guess,” you whisper, leaning your nose against his soft head as you scratch his forelock. He shifts his weight, putting his muzzle on your shoulder and nipping gently at your sweater. The stable is warm and comforting, the smell of horses familiar and safe, but after a few minutes you pull yourself away, giving Winston a final scratch. 

“I’d better get back before Frankie sends out a search party,” you say, giving him a final pat. 

The cold air makes you shiver as you close the stable door behind you and hurry up the street again. You almost don’t see him coming towards you, a tall man, wrapped in a heavy tan coat, but his boot scuffs against the street, making you look up as he passes under one of the street lights. He sees you, as you see him, stopping in his tracks and you freeze in place. There’s no mistaking him, he’s aged, his hair gray now, but it’s still Joel’s sharp eyes that meet yours. His expression grim as you look at each other for a beat, fear starting to coil in the pit of your belly. 

He glances at the side street, up towards the edge of town, and down at his boots, before he looks up at you again. 

“I’m leaving in the morning.” 

It’s all he says, turning and taking long strides up the street as you stand rooted to the spot, nausea creeping up your throat. 

… 

“Where have you been?” Frankie asks as you open the door to the community center, he’s just coming out of the hall, his coat on and yours in hand, “I was just about to go looking for you.” He notices your shivers and quickly holds out your coat for you, pulling it on and starting to rub his hands up and down your arms, “Why were you outside, what’s going on?” 

“Nothing, I just needed some air after I went to the bathroom,” you quickly lie, “I went down to the stables but I didn’t realize how cold it was until I was coming back.” 

“Crazy girl,” he smiles, “getting frostbites just to say hello to Winston, you spoil that horse.” 

“You know I have a soft spot for him,” you say, letting Frankie lead you back into the hall where the movie is still running. You’re glad for the darkness, standing in front of Frankie again as he keeps rubbing warmth back into your arms. Pretending to watch the movie your thoughts are in turmoil.

Joel is in Jackson. 

You glance over at Maria and see her looking at Tommy with an odd look, he’s standing a little bit in front of her, leaning against one of the wooden pillars, turned away from her. You can only see his profile, but he seems to have the same expression that you can feel on your face, watching the big white screen, but seeing nothing. As if he can feel your eyes on him, he turns his head and locks onto you. You should smile, pretend everything is fine, but you know Tommy knows Joel is in town, you can see it on his face, and Maria knows too. And you can’t hide your fear. 

Behind you Frankie laughs at something that happens in the film, his rumble vibrating against your back, and you tear your eyes away from Tommy and look at the screen. 

…

It’s late as you walk home with the rest of the movie goers, Jack almost stumbling on his feet, yawning widely. Frankie can sense that something is going on, but he says nothing. Instead he pulls you closer under his arm, holding on to Jack’s hand with his other. When you get home he sends you upstairs, giving your hip a squeeze. 

“Go to bed, I’ll lock up and make sure Jack gets to bed,” he says and you nod, kissing Jack goodnight. 

You’re tucked into bed, under the warm covers, but not even close to sleepy as Frankie comes into the bedroom and closes the door behind him. He pulls off his clothes as you watch him from the bed, and he pulls back the covers and climbs in next to you. 

“C’mere,” he mumbles, pulling you into him, both his arms encircling you as you tuck your face into the crook of his neck. His hand comes up to cup the back of your head, caressing you lightly and you can feel his lips pressed against the top of your head. 

“What’s going on, cariño?” he asks, running his hand up and down your back. 

“Joel’s in Jackson,” you say, and his hand goes still on your back. 

“Did you meet him?” Frankie pulls back a little so that he can see your face and you nod. 

“Just for a moment, on the main street. All he said was that he’s leaving tomorrow.” 

“So soon? He must’ve only gotten here today,” Frankie says, sounding surprised, “I heard some of the guys saying a couple of people had been picked up by Maria’s patrol today.” 

“Do you think Maria said he can’t stay?” you ask, “Could Tommy be leaving too? She was looking at him oddly at the movie, just before he left.” 

“Is that why you snuck out?” Frankie asks, “How did you know Joel was in town?” 

“I didn’t, I just got a weird feeling about Tommy leaving,” you reply. Frankie’s gone back to running his hand up and down your back as he furrows his brow, looking lost in thought. 

“With Maria pregnant, would he really leave her?” you ask, “Even if she said Joel had to go?” 

“If he does, leave her, I mean, Tommy’s not the man I thought he was,” Frankie shakes his head, “I can’t see him running out on his child, he’s been so happy about it.”

“If Joel really does leave tomorrow, then the rest is really between Tommy and Maria. And if Tommy leaves her…” you sigh, “then I guess we’ll have to help her anyway we can.” 

“I just can’t see him doing that,” Frankie shakes his head again, “not now, but who knows, if Joel’s back…I don’t know.” 

Frankie goes silent and you have nothing else to say, so you rest your head against his chest again, listening to his steady heartbeat. You’re almost asleep when Frankie presses a kiss to your head. 

“You don’t have to be scared of him, cariño, not now, I promise.” 

“I love you, Frankie,” you mumble and his arms tighten around you. 

“Love you too, hermosa.” 

… 

Joel really is gone the next day, you hear talk of him, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Tommy says nothing and you catch Maria avoiding your eye, but she says nothing either. You think Tommy realizes that you somehow know Joel was in town, but you don’t bring it up, and after a few weeks, the brief encounter with Joel almost seems like something you imagined. 

…

The winter drags on, the snow as thick as the first winter you spent in Jackson. When patrols snow in you find extra work learning how to repair everyday objects. It means you get to work with Frankie as he teaches you about wiring and welding. The first lamp you manage to rewire without his help brings you enormous satisfaction, but Frankie’s smile is worth more. 

“Proud of you, cariño,” he grins as you flick the switch back and forth, watching the lamp blink on and off. 

When the snow finally begins to melt, everyone is eager to get back to patrols, even the horses are unusually frisky. The first real chance to stretch out in a fast gallop makes them all take the bit between their teeth and run, thundering over the fresh spring grass as their riders whoop. As you all finally bring them to a halt, their sides lathering, stomping their hooves and snorting loudly, it feels like the winter is truly over even. 

Your first patrol of the spring is uneventful except for taking down three runners in the distance.

“Fuck,” Benny hollers, as your third shot takes down the third runner, “that’s three for three! You missed your calling as a sniper,” he laughs, scanning the clearing below you for more infected. 

“It’s a skill I never knew I had,” you grin, pulling back the bolt of the rifle and slotting in a new bullet. 

“Well, you had the best teacher of course,” Benny smirks as you both get to your feet, “I was always a better shot than Fish.” 

“Benny, you can take credit for my skills in hand to hand combat any time, but the shooting, that was Frankie,” you laugh. 

He just smirks again, swinging himself into the saddle, “Speaking of hand to hand combat, it’s been ages since we did any training, maybe we should get back to it? I know you and Fish are getting old, but that’s no reason to slack off.” 

“Who are you calling old?” you snort, “You’ve got more gray hair than I do!” 

“Pfft…it’s just the light,” he scoffs and you can’t help but laugh. Benny is still mostly blonde, the youngest of you all, whereas both Will and Frankie were more gray nowadays. Frankie’s patchy beard had started turning gray years ago and now none of his original chocolate brown color remained. 

The ride home is easy, you keep your eyes open and stay alert, but patrolling with Benny is always fun, his easy, golden retriever, energy hasn’t diminished with age. If anything, it’s more pronounced than ever with his daughter Lily. She’s inherited her mother’s ginger curls, but all of Benny’s energy and she runs the Miller household. At least for now.

“How’s Eve doing, one more month to go right?” you ask and Benny nods with a grin. 

“She’s huge, pissed off and hating it, but I’m being the perfect husband, she gets foot rubs every evening.” 

“Good man, Benny,” you laugh, “you’d better keep her happy.” 

“She’s been having the weirdest cravings,” he says, “Where the hell am I supposed to find Reese’s? Or Diet Coke?” 

“Try harder, Benny,” you grin and he gives you a mock scowl before breaking into another big smile. 

“She’s being a fucking champion though, I know she’s struggling, her back’s killing her, so I just try to make sure she can rest as much as she wants.” 

You hear horses behind you and you both turn to look at the approaching riders. You smile as you recognize Frankie’s cap, he’s returning with young Jesse. He’s just become old enough to go on patrols and has been going out regularly with you all to learn the ropes. 

“Hey, how was your patrol?” Benny calls as the two men get close. 

“Quiet, didn’t see anyone or anything,” Jesse says, “but we saw a whole herd of bison, should be good hunting tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, the herds are getting really big,” Benny says as they pull up their horses alongside you. Frankie rides close to you, putting his hand on your thigh and giving it a squeeze. 

“Hey, hermosa,” he mumbles and you lace your fingers between his. 

“Hey, honey,” you smile back at him. 

“Did you guys meet the new arrivals yet?” Jesse asks and you all shake your heads. 

“No, but I heard someone new turned up, yesterday right?” Benny asks. 

“Yeah, a man and his daughter, a teenager.” 

“Where’d they come from,” Frankie looks over at Jesse who waves in a vague way back up north. 

“Somewhere in Utah I think, Salt Lake maybe? But they’re staying up in that green house on McMill’s Lane.” 

“Almost neighbors then,” Benny says, “we’ll have to go and say hello.” 

…

You don’t make the connection, and neither does Frankie, and you don’t go to see your new neighbors straight away. So it’s not until you’re walking out from your house a few days later, Frankie just behind you, that you see them. 

You look up from opening the low gate onto the street as you hear footsteps approaching, and you see him. Joel, slowing down, eyes on you and Frankie, dropping behind the young teenage girl walking in front of him. His face is unreadable, apprehensive maybe, his fingers twitching by his side. You hear Frankie come up behind you and stop, waiting as Joel takes a few more steps down the street.  

The girl with him notices that Joel’s slowed down, “C’mon, I’m fucking starving,” she says, glancing back at him, but she follows his line of sight and spots Frankie and you by the side of the road. She looks between the two of you and then back at Joel, furrowing her brow. Joel picks up his pace again and comes towards you, passing the girl who’s stopped, still looking at between the three of you. 

The silence is awkward, Joel’s jaw ticks and you feel a shiver of fear run down your spine. But Frankie moves first, placing his hand on your lower back, a warm, steady presence, and takes a step forward, holding out his other hand towards Joel. 

“Good to see you, Joel, we didn’t know you were back in town.” 

“Good to see you too, Frankie,” Joel nods, shaking his hand, “We just got here a couple of days ago, been getting settled in.” He gestures back at the girl who’s still standing a few feet behind him, watching the exchange. 

“Hi, I’m Frankie,” Frankie says, giving the girl a wave and a smile, “this is my wife.” 

You give the girl a small wave and your name. You can’t wrap your head around Joel turning up with a teenage girl, you feel like you’re staring at her as much as at Joel. 

“Ellie,” she says, raising her hand in a short wave, stepping closer to Joel. “Can we please go, I really am starving.” 

“Yeah, sure, we’d better get going,” Joel hums, glancing up at you and meeting your eyes for a brief second. 

“Alright, we’ll see you around,” Frankie says, giving the girl a smile, “Nice meeting you too, Ellie.” 

The odd couple make their way down the street as you follow them with your eyes. 

“That was weird,” Frankie says, “Jesse said it was a man and his daughter, but she can’t be Joel’s daughter.” 

“Tommy didn’t say anything about Joel adopting a kid either, back in Boston,” you say as Frankie takes your hand and you start walking down the street, watching Joel and Ellie disappear down towards the community center, “Could she be Tess’s daughter?” 

“Tess didn’t have a daughter, at least not as far as I know,” Frankie shakes his head, “It’s a mystery, and I wonder, where’s Tess, if only Joel is here?” 

“Yeah, true,” you worry at your bottom lip and you feel Frankie glancing at you. 

“Don’t, cariño, don’t worry about him being back,” he says, gently stopping you by pulling on your hand and reaching up to tug your lip from between your teeth, “It won't be anything like before, I promise.” 

“I know Frankie, I trust you, it’s all different now,” you give him a weak smile, “I’m just worried what else he’ll bring.” 

“Let Maria handle him, Maria and Tommy, it’s his brother,” Frankie cups your cheek gently, smiling down at you, “it’s just you, Jack and me, that’s my team. Ok?” 

“Ok,” you reply, your fear dissipating a little and you smile back up at him. He gives your forehead a small peck and takes your hand again. 

“C’mon, then, let’s go find Jack before he accuses us of forgetting about this school play.” 

… 

You see Joel around town the next few days, usually with the teenager, Ellie, in tow. And when you see his name on the patrol schedule you realize they’re staying and the knot in your stomach grows again. You have so many questions, and they all lead back to the graying man who now seems to always hover at the corners of your mind. 

“Fuck it,” you mumble to yourself, turning around and walking back up the small street you live on, past your house, until you’re standing in front of Joel and Ellie’s front door. 

The teenager opens when you knock on the door, and she gives you a guarded smile as she lets you in. 

“Joel, someone here to see you,” she calls into the house, leading you into the kitchen, and you hear footsteps on the stairs. Joel stops in his tracks as he sees you standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, clearing his throat, fingers twitching again. 

“Hey,” is all he manages, giving you a nod before stepping into the kitchen, skirting around Ellie who’s looking between the two of you with a curious face.

“Hi,” you say, your earlier determination slipping away and you retreat to the kitchen counter, leaning against it, shoving your hands into the pockets of your jeans. 

“Uhhm…can I get you something to drink, we’ve got some elderflower cordial. Diana gave us some of her homemade,” 

“I’m fine, thanks,” you say, swallowing and glancing at Ellie who’s quirked her eyebrow and is looking at Joel with a smirk. 

“What’s going on?” she asks, “Why are you being so weird?” 

“Just being polite,” Joel grunts, yanking the fridge door open and pulling out a jug. 

“How do you know Joel?” Ellie asks, looking over at you, and you meet her curious eyes before looking back at Joel, wondering what he’ll say. But he’s busying himself with taking down two glasses from the cabinet, wiping one of them down with the dish cloth. 

“Frankie, my husband, and Joel used to work together back in Boston, years ago,” you say, “Will and Benny are Frankie’s best friends.” 

“Oh yeah, they gave us some stuff,” Ellie says pointing at the dry goods on the kitchen table. 

“Ellie,” Joel suddenly says, his voice gruff, “we’ve got some things to talk about, could you maybe go over and see if Eve needs help with something for a while.” 

“No, I want to know what’s going on,” she says, frowning at Joel, “Is this about what Maria said to you last night?” 

Joel’s eyes are on Ellie and he scowls, “You shouldn’t be eavesdropping on conversations that aren’t meant for you.” 

“Yeah well, talk quieter then,” Ellie scowls back at him and turns to you. “Maria said stuff had happened in Boston with Frankie and-”

“Ellie!” Joel snaps, “That’s none of your business, that’s between me, Frankie and her,” Joel motions to you, and it earns him another scowl from Ellie. 

“Maybe it is her business too, Joel,” you can’t help but speak up, “if she’s living with you, under your protection?” 

“Don’t.” Joel growls, “Don’t bring her into this.” His voice is low, a warning but you clench your jaw, meeting his dark eyes. 

“Like you brought Frankie into it?” you challenge and you see his jaw tick, his fingers wrapping hard around the glass in his hand. 

“Ellie,” he says, not taking his eyes off you, “go help Eve.”

“But I-” 

“Now.” 

Ellie glares at you, “You don’t know him,” she spits out, “you don’t know him at all and-” 

“Ellie, we’ll talk when you’re back,” Joel’s voice is almost pleading with the teenager now and she looks at him. There’s a silent communication between the two of them while they stare at each other, and then Ellie turns around and stomps out from the kitchen, throwing a final angry stare at you. 

The front door slams shut and Joel lets out a sigh. 

“Sorry ‘bout that,” he says, his voice still tight as he looks at you. 

“She’s awfully loyal to you it seems,” you reply, crossing your arms over your chest, “I can’t imagine what you did to earn that kind of trust.” 

“Long story,” Joel says, shaking his head, “Ain’t got nothin’ to do with Frankie and me.” 

“I don’t want you in Jackson, Joel,” you square your shoulders, spitting it out before you lose your nerve. “I’m grateful to you for helping us get away from Boston. But I don’t want you here.” 

“Well, you ain’t the only one it seems,” he replies, giving a twisted grin, “Maria made it very clear last night that I’m only welcome because of Tommy.” 

“I’m not telling you to leave,” you say, “You’re his brother, I wouldn’t do that to him, but he knows how I feel about you.” 

“Things have changed…” Joel begins but you cut him off. 

“You forget I lived with a drug addict for years, long before you came back into the picture. One of the first things Frankie taught me about his addiction was that you can never trust an addict. You’ll say things have changed but I can’t believe you.” 

You study Joel, he’s looking back at you, his fingers still twitching, but he meets your eyes with a steady gaze. 

“I don’t expect you too,” he says finally, nodding, “I can just tell you that things are different now,” he looks over at the door where Ellie disappeared, “She’s the reason things ain’t the same, I’m not the same.” 

His response makes you swallow your sharp retort, Joel’s face softens in a way you have never seen, his eyes still on the spot where the teenager just was. When he looks back at you some of the softness remains. 

“Why?” you ask simply, but he shakes his head. 

“It’s a long story, but I ain’t the same, not at all.”

The silence stretches out in the kitchen as you look at each other, Joel’s face doesn’t harden again, his fingers have stopped twitching, and you feel the knot in your stomach loosen a little. 

“I’m…I’m sorry about Frankie,” Joel finally says, sighing and leaning back against the counter, “I didn’t know then, I didn’t see it, how I affected him. And I’m sorry I sold him the pills. It ain’t no excuse, but you know I was using them just as much, and I just didn’t know he’d already been addicted before.” 

“If you bring drugs back into Jackson, Joel…” your voice is low in warning but Joel shakes his head before you even finish your sentence. 

“I won’t, I promise. Like I said, things are different now.”  He leans back, crossing his arms over his chest, mimicking your stance as you observe him. 

You want to believe him, he feels different, but you’re scared. Seeing him again has brought back dark memories of Frankie spiraling out of control, hearing the stories of what he did to others, seeing him passed out on the couch, his guilty, pained face as he left you, even when you asked him to stay. 

Santi. 

You drop your gaze to the toes of your boots, shaking your head. But Ellie’s scowl, her defense of him, the way Joel’s face softened when he thought about the girl, his daughter, it makes you doubt your initial thoughts. 

“Joel…” you say, inhaling slowly, making your mind up, “If you bring drugs here, if you fall back into who you were in Boston, if you bring out the worst in Frankie again….” you pause, looking at him, his face is open, nodding along to what you’re saying, “If your presence here begins to threaten my family…” 

He nods, understanding your underlying threat, and lets you continue. 

“I’ll trust you now, because of Ellie, she’s loyal to you, obviously fiercely loyal, and you must’ve done something to earn that.” 

Joel nods again, his shoulders dropping slightly, and you nod back, the silence stretching between you in the small kitchen as you fall silent.  

Eventually you clear your throat, your piece said, “I’ll see you around, probably tonight if you want to, Sunday dinner at Will and Diana’s, it’s tradition.” 

“Alright,” he replies, “we’ll be seein’ you then.” 

You push yourself off the kitchen counter and walk to the front door, you can hear Joel following you and as you put your hand on the handle he speaks up. 

“I…I just wanna say thanks, for givin’ me a chance,” he says and you give him a small crooked smile. 

“Don’t make me regret it, Joel.” 

“I won’t, I promise.” 

…

You tell Frankie about your conversation with Joel as he cleans up in the bathroom, getting ready to head over to Will and Diana’s for dinner. 

“That girl, Ellie, she seems to have changed him in some ways,” you say, sitting on the toilet seat as he dries off from his shower. It’s taking everything you’ve got to not reach out and trail your fingers through the soft hairs on his belly, the happy trail leading down to… You pull your eyes up to his face, meeting his smirk. 

“Am I distracting you?” he grins, bending down and tilting your chin up with his hand so that he can kiss you as you smile. 

“Always, especially when your dick is right in my face,” you chuckle, “But as I was saying, Ellie was ready to bite my head off for challenging Joel, she’s very loyal to him. He must’ve done something good to earn that kind of devotion, to be her father all of a sudden.” 

“Maybe he has changed, but he’s here now, we’ll just have to wait and see,” Frankie says, pulling on his boxers and then a clean t-shirt. “And cariño, try not to worry. I’m not worried for myself, I’m not the same man I was back then,” he sinks down on his haunches in front of you, cupping your face with both his hands, “You got me through it, you got me here, and with you and Jack in my life now, I’m the strongest I’ll ever be, he can’t get to me again,” he leans his forehead against yours, “Ok?” 

“Ok,” you breathe and he smiles, pressing his lips against yours. 

“Ok then, hermosa,” he whispers, “Let’s go over to Will’s before our son claims we’re starving him.” 

As if on cue you hear Jack shout from downstairs, “I’m hungry! Can we leave now? Please!” 

His dramatic outbreak makes you both giggle as Frankie stands up, pulling you to your feet, “Go calm the ravenous monster we’ve created,” he chuckles, “I’ll see you down there.” 

…

You can hear music from the back garden as the three of you approach Will and Diana’s house. During the warm summer months the Sunday dinner moves outside when the weather allows and tonight the air is balmy and soft. As you round the house and step into the garden you’re greeted by Diana bringing out a tray of meat to the barbecue. 

“Hi guys, right on time! Frankie, can you please bring this to Will, I need to get an extra cushion for Eve.” 

“Sure, I’ve got it,” Frankie says and takes the heavy tray from her. 

“Can I help you with anything, Diana?” you ask and she waves you into the house. 

“Yes please, that tray to the table please,” she says, but as the screen door closes behind the two of you she puts her hand on your arm. 

“Just so you know, Will invited Joel and the girl he arrived with, Ellie, tonight. I hope that’s ok with you and Frankie? Have you seen him yet?” 

“Yeah, I’ve talked to him, it’ll be fine,” you say, giving her a smile, “Or at least I hope it’ll be fine, he seems different, maybe he’s changed for the better.” 

“Ok, that’s good. And I hope you’re right, I haven’t had a chance to talk to him yet but I met Ellie in town earlier. She seems like a great kid, very protective of Joel, which surprised me.” 

“Yeah, me too,” you reply, glancing out at the garden. You can see Frankie by the barbecue with Will, Benny is kneeling next to Eve who’s on a sun lounger, Joel and Ellie haven’t arrived yet. “That’s what makes me believe him when he says things are different now, but he’ll have to prove it too.” 

“Alright, I’ll take my cues from you,” Diana says, “just let me know if you need our help to kick him out of Jackson if he misbehaves,” she gives you a wicked grin and it makes you laugh. 

“Thanks, I’ll let you know if it comes to that.” 

Diana grabs a tower of glasses and a large jug, “Come on then, lets get poor Eve something to drink, she’s so fed up with this baby now.” 

You pass out drinks to everyone, handing tall glasses to Will and Frankie before grabbing your own and standing next to the two men by the grill. Frankie’s hand drifts down to the small of your back and you lean into him, taking comfort in his presence, his warm body next to you and his hand slowly circling over your t-shirt. They’re talking about putting together a larger hunting party and culling the local bison herd once the young calves are old enough to be separated from their mothers. 

You listen to them with half an ear, waiting for Joel and Ellie to show up. You feel on edge, despite what you said to Diana, it’s as if you can’t relax before you’ve seen Frankie and Joel together. 

You spot them arriving with Tommy and Maria, Tommy proudly holding their month old baby boy in his arms. Joel comes in after Ellie, she’s looking shy, glancing around the garden but Jack spots her and runs over. You’d talked to him earlier about Ellie being new in town and asked him to look out for her, thinking it would be easier for her to talk to someone her own age, even though she looks to be a few years older than him. You smile as you see Jack wave her over to the table where Diana has set out drinks and popcorn as snacks while everyone waits on the meat to be done. Jack pours the elderflower cordial in two glasses and offers one to Ellie with a flourish that makes you stifle a giggle. 

“He’s quite the gentleman,” you hear Will chuckle and you look up to see both men watching the interaction, “you raised him well, Fish.” 

“I had to, or she’d never forgive me,” Frankie smiles, giving your hip a small squeeze. 

“I asked him to take care of Ellie,” you say, “it’s intimidating to turn up to a party where you know no one.” 

“He’s doing a great job,” Will says, turning back to the meat, “We’ve got about ten minutes until the meat is done I think.”

“I’m gonna go say hello to Joel,” Frankie says, “I haven’t had a chance to talk to him yet.” He drops a kiss on your cheek and walks over to where Joel is talking to Tommy, the baby now in Eve’s lap on the other side of the garden. 

You watch the two men shake hands as Tommy excuses himself, going over to Eve and Maria. 

“You’re worried,” Will says in a low voice, a statement rather than a question, and you pull your eyes from Frankie and look over at him. His steady blue gaze is on you as he lets the meat rest. 

“I guess,” you confess, “less than I was before, but…yeah…it’s hard seeing him with Frankie after all that happened.” 

“I talked to him, to Frankie I mean,” Will says, “he knows how worried you are, but he’s confident Joel can’t get to him like he used to. And I agree.” He smiles at you, a small quirk of his lips, “Frankie’s not the same, not at all, you know that too.” 

“I know, of course I know,” you sigh, “and Joel doesn’t seem to be the same either, but…you know…” you trail off, looking at Will who nods. 

“Give it time, if Joel has changed you have nothing to worry about. If he hasn’t changed, Frankie certainly has, and you have nothing to worry about either.” 

“Yeah, I know you’re right,” you say, looking back at Frankie and Joel. You can read Frankie’s body language better than anything, and he looks relaxed, an easy smile on his face as he says something to Joel and motions over at Jack and Ellie. Even Joel smiles as he looks at Ellie, busy trying to catch the popcorn Jack is tossing at her mouth. 

Maybe things really will be fine now. 

You sit next to Frankie at the dinner table, Joel and Ellie across but slightly to the side. The patio table, made for six, which once only saw you and Frankie, has been expanded to accommodate the large group now sitting around it, thirteen individuals, including the children. 

It’s incredible, you think, as you look around the table, how the community grows, how your extended family has grown. Even if you don’t count Joel and Ellie to that group, they’re still family to Will and Benny, and they’re your family. 

But as usual, at every Sunday dinner, the four of you all remember the people that are missing. It’s inevitable to see the three old friends from Delta Force together, and not touch upon the memory of Pope. It hurts less now, you can think about him, you and Frankie can even joke about him. And when you see Lily stick out her tongue to her dad, it reminds you of Lucía at the same age, as you look around the table, you miss the people who should be there too. 

Will raises his glass, as he usually does, and looks at Benny, Frankie and you, “To Pope,” he says with a smile and everyone raises their glasses, Joel too. Only Ellie looks confused but she drinks as everyone else drinks. 

“Alright, tuck in,” Will waves his hand over the spread and Jack dives for the fattest sausage with a happy yelp, making everyone laugh. 

Platters and bowls are passed around as plates are piled high and soon everyone is following Will’s orders and tucking in. 

“Who’s Pope?” Ellie asks around a mouthful of burger that she's carefully constructed, watching Jack build his own. “And this is like the tastiest thing ever,” she says, swallowing down her mouthful and taking another large bite. 

Your eyes flick up to Joel and you can sense the mood shift around the table, Maria and Tommy both glance over at you, Frankie’s hand falls onto your leg and Will clears his throat. But it’s Joel who speaks up. 

“Pope was an old friend, back in Boston,” he says, “Especially to Will, Ben and Frankie, they served in the army together before the outbreak.” He looks up at Frankie who’s got his eyes on his food, his thumb rubbing across your jeans. Ellie catches on to the tension and looks over at Joel. 

“What happened?” she asks, glancing between the three of you, this kid is clearly too perceptive for her own good, you think, just as Joel begins to answer. 

“He...he died. FEDRA in Boston executed him, I…fucked up something, it’s a long story, you don’t need to hear the whole thing.” 

“Maybe she does, Joel,” Maria suddenly says and from the corner of your eye you see Tommy grab her hand as if to stop her. 

“Why? What did you fuck up?” Ellie asks, still looking at Joel, and then Frankie and you.

“It doesn’t matter Ellie, not now,” Joel says, his voice sharper now, telling her to quit it. 

“Is that why she’s all weird around you?” Ellie plows on, nodding to you, ignoring Joel’s tone.

“Joel’s right, Ellie,” you say, “It doesn't matter now, we can put it behind us.” 

“But Maria said stuff had happened with Frankie and you and now his wife doesn’t want you here. Do you want him to leave too?” The last thing she says to you and you have to shake your head. 

“No, not now,” you reply, “But I admit, I didn’t want him here when he first came, because of what happened in Boston,” you look straight at Ellie, deciding it’s best to treat her as an adult, be honest with her. “Joel did things in Boston, you don’t need to know what, that made me not trust him, but I’m giving him a second chance.” 

Ellie meets your look with a steady look of her own, and you feel like you’re being evaluated by the teenager. 

“It’s ok, Ellie,” Joel says, “She’s looking out for her family, that’s all, and she’s right not to trust who I was in Boston.” 

“But you’ve changed and…”

“But she doesn’t know that, so for now, I need to earn back that trust.” His tone says ‘leave it’. 

Ellie looks up at him and he gives her a nod, his eyebrows raised and she seems to concede, looking back at her burger and taking another bite. 

Frankie’s hand is still on your jeans, grounding you, as you glance over at Jack. He’s looking at you, wide eyed and worried, his own burger forgotten. Frankie suddenly takes your hand, his long fingers wrapping around yours. 

“C’mon, family council,” he says softly, “Jack, c’mon, you too, son.” 

No one says anything as the three of you leave the table and walk around the side of the house, Frankie scooping Jack up into his arms even though he’s really too big to be carried by his dad anymore. He stops as you all reach the front porch, placing Jack down on the stairs. 

“C’mere, cariño,” Frankie pulls you down on the step just below the one he sits on, so that he can wrap one arm around you, and the other around Jack. 

“Jack, I know you don’t know what happened when we lived in Boston,” he says looking over at the young boy, “And you don’t need to know all the details, but I think you’re old enough to know the story at least.” 

Jack looks serious as he nods, and you wrap your arm around his waist, the other around Frankie so that you’re sitting in a little huddle on the porch stairs. 

“I used to be a soldier, Jack, before the outbreak,” Frankie says and Jack lights up. 

“You flew helicopters, I know!”

“Yeah, I did, exactly, but I did a lot of other things too, things that left bad marks on my mind, things that gave me nightmares and left me feeling like a bad person,” Frankie says and Jack nods along, listening intently.  

“I was very unhappy, until I had a daughter, your sister Lucía. She made me want to be a better person, and I managed to get past the bad thoughts.” 

“But you still have nightmares,” Jack says, his face worried, he’s been woken up on a few occasions by Frankie’s shouts, when you haven’t been able to calm him. 

“I do, I think I will probably always have them, but it was much worse back then,” Frankie strokes Jack’s head, calming the boy before he continues, “Lucía, she died when the outbreak happened, and…I almost died too, when I lost her, it broke my heart because I loved her so much.” 

Jack nods solemnly, he knows this part of the story, Frankie had told him not too long ago about Lucía. 

“And then we had to survive the first few years of this new world, and it wasn’t anything like Jackson,” Frankie continues, his hand starting to rub over your shoulder as he looks at you, “It was dangerous, and all the things I’d done as a soldier, all my nightmares and bad thoughts, they came back and I didn’t handle them very well.” 

“What did you do?” Jack asks and Frankie looks back at him, pulling him closer. 

“I started taking special types of pills, they’re a drug that makes you feel better at first, but soon they just make you feel worse than ever, but then I couldn’t stop taking them. And my nightmares got worse, and I wasn’t acting like myself. I was very angry and scared, I thought your mom would leave me, that she’d be fed up with my problems and not want to be with me anymore.” 

At this Jack looks over at you with a worried frown and you give him a reassuring smile.   

“I never, ever thought about leaving him, and I kept telling him, but he was so unhappy, so broken after all that had happened, that he didn’t believe that I would want to stay with him. He didn’t think he deserved me.” 

“It’s hard to explain, Jack, even now, but I thought that I was a really bad person, and that she’d be happier if she didn’t have to deal with my mess.” 

“But you’re not a bad person?” Jack says, looking up at Frankie who has to shake his head. 

“I’ve done bad things, Jack, both as a soldier, and afterwards, but I was having trouble understanding that it didn’t make me a bad person.”

“No, Jack, your dad isn’t a bad person,” you say, pulling both of them closer into your little huddle, “He never was, he just couldn’t handle all the bad things that happened to him in a very good way.” 

“And when we were in Boston, Joel was like me,” Frankie says, “He was angry and very unhappy, but he didn’t have someone like your mom to help him out of it. And when I worked with him, we weren’t good for each other, and together we did some very bad things…” Frankie trails off, looking at you, sighing deeply. 

“Jack, what I did…” he says eventually, looking back at the boy, “it led to my best friend dying and it makes me feel very bad, thinking about it. Before he died he told me it wasn’t my fault but I still feel like it was, I made terrible mistakes, and I miss him every day.” 

Frankie pauses and you pull him closer, pressing your cheek against his chest while Jack looks up at him.

“That’s what happened in Boston, Jack,” Frankie says and Jack nods, his eyebrows wrinkled as he thinks. 

“But you didn’t kill tio Santi?” he asks eventually and you answer before Frankie can. 

“No, he didn’t, not at all.” 

“But I feel guilty about it,” Frankie says, “it was my mistake that put him in danger.” 

“Are you ok now though?” Jack asks, “You still have nightmares.” 

“I’m fine now, Jack, even though I have nightmares sometimes, but your mom takes care of me when I have them, like she always takes care of me,” Frankie says and Jack smiles at you.  

“I just wanted you to know what happened in Boston, Jack, why we came to Jackson. I left all of that behind me when we came here, and it’s been a long time since then, do you understand?” 

Jack nods and Frankie tucks him into his side, the boy wrapping his arms around his dad’s waist and you smile up at the two of them. 

“C’mere, cariño,” Frankie mumbles, nudging your chin up with his free hand and bending down to you. His lips are soft and he smells of wood smoke and barbecue when he kisses you. It’s a small, gentle press, his scruffy mustache tickling your mouth, you can feel his smile and you cup your hand around his neck, holding him close. 

Jack makes a retching noise next to you, burying his face in Frankie’s t-shirt. 

“Ewww, gross!”

THE END

That's it, end of the story after wrapping it up with Tommy, Joel and Ellie arriving in Jackson too (of course). I'm relieved and drained, so ready to shoot this out into to space and start something new, to change perspective. It's been incredible writing this story and having all your feedback some at me every time I post a new chapter and I can't thank you enough (again).

Love you all!

Bonus Christmas chapter!

Taglist: @pimosworld @i-own-loki @casa-boiardi @littlenosoul @stormseyer @mxtokko @javicstories @nunya7394 @welcometothepedroverse @harriedandharassed @meveispunk @hiroikegawa @jwritesfanfics @vickie5446 @your-slutty-gf

[headmateelevator]

Just an idea i got, can you make a brainmade one for my emoji combo (☢️🦌)

-☢️🦌 Anon

order up!

name(s) - Lennon , Dakota , Fern , Atlas , Valor , Omiros , Heron , wirt, fawn , calliope , cirrus , klaus , bane , caine , malachi , riot , evan , radon , gamma , rudy , radley , foggy , cedar , birch , honeysuckle , honeydew , honey , Finley , radium , hazard , danger , tox , poison , venom , hemlock , bellamy , ivy , lee , quark , radia , radiatien , raymond , rocket , sagan , saturn , sci.　

pronouns - he / him / she / her / hy / hym / it / it's / fae / faer / thon / thon's / deer / deer's / zi / zir / tox / toxic / fume / fumes / waste / wastes / decay / decays / rust / rusts / neon / neons / haz / hazard / bub / bubble / cor / corrode / warn / warns / radi / radiate / chem / chems / bio / bios / nuke / nukes / spill / spills / dang / danger / nuc / nuclear / h? / h?m / sh? / h?r / th?y / th?m.

gender(s) - femmasc , radioactivetoxic , hazardgender , synthradiac , radioactivegender , raionursic , radioactivitan , nuclearsquidic , madvialic , radioactivedollboy , nucleartoxic , gendertoxic , coriumgender , bombatomic , nuclearlexic , toxiccoric , biohazelectric , refehazardcomfic , dangersignic , raionursic , ☢️emojic , Deerboy , Deerthing , Weriddeeric , Floradeeric , faegender , faunagender , Dxxric , Notdeeric , Deerskullskeletic , Deerheadlightsgender , Deerwolfteethix , Cryptidgender , Anomalyic , Crypticutie , Foretidian , Boycreature.

orientations - queer , questioning sexuality , nebularomantic.

role(s) - fawn , sweetheart , artist , performer.

species - radiated human / deer hybrid thing , dear..?.

source(s) - brainmade

emoji(s) - ☢️ , 🦌 , ⚠️ , 🌿 , 🌱

faceclaims -

( 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 )

[mirikitakato]

[Translation] Reflections of the Moon in the Teardrops of Pavone: Episode 3

Shylock: Then shall we split up? If we listen to the what that man in the white coat has to say, we might learn something.

Akira: I will go with you.I might be able to help you ask him questions…

Cain: That'd be great. I haven't even seen what the guy in the lab coat is like. I'll go into the research institute first and check out what's going on inside. I'm worried about Angelo.

Rutile: Then I'll be back soon. Sir Sage, please ride on my broom.

Akira: Thank you. Cain, you guys be careful too...!

[They went away]

Oz: .....

Cain: Oz, what's wrong?

Oz: I'm going with the Sage.

Cain: Huh? You are saying that now?

Oz: Shylock, I entrust Cain and Mitile to you.

[Oz went away]

Shylock: …And off he goes.

Mitile: ...Oh, he didn't ask Bradley for help.

Bradley: He must’ve known that I wouldn’t obey him anyways.

[Scene changes]

We flew on the broom and soon found Murr. Murr waved to us and pointed in a direction.

Murr: Look! That man has collapsed!

At the end where Murr was pointing, the man we had just seen was lying on the ground. We rushed towards him in a hurry.

Man in white: Uhm…

Rutile: ...I’m glad. You're still conscious. Are you hurt anywhere?

The man weakly nodded his head. His face was pale, and on closer inspection, dark circles could be seen under his eyes.

With chestnut hair that grew unkemptly to his shoulders, pale skin, and an emaciated figure, an air of wariness was evident in his blue eyes.

Wearing a lab coat, he gave the impression of a scholar cloistered away in his laboratory for days.

Akira: (He doesn't look so good... I'm worried.)

Rutile gently placed his hand on the back of the man as he slowly rose to his feet.

The man, brushing his hair back haphazardly, seemed to avert his gaze from Rutile’s kindness and bowed his head slightly, his mouth opening.

Man in white:...It's nothing. I was just dizzy.

Rutile: But you still don't look so good...

Murr: Hey you, why did you run away?

Man in white:......!

Murr: Why were you spying on the laboratory in secret?

Man in white:......Uhm, that's...

Rutile: ...Are you worried about Angelo and came to see him? If so, you must have been surprised to see so many strangers around.

Man in white:...... ......Who are you...

Rutile: I'm sorry for the late introduction. I'm Rutile, one of the Sage's wizard.

Riquet: I am Riquet. A Sage’s wizard and Apostle of God. The one staring intently at you is Oz. He may be taciturn, but he can also brew a great cup of coffee and make delicious pancakes. He's surprisingly kind, so don't be afraid of him.

Oz:.....

Akira: I’m the Sage, my name is Akira. I've come here to investigate upon a request.

Man in White: The Sage and their wizards...

The man's eyes had widened in surprise. Then, in a heartbeat, his demeanor shifted dramatically. He lunged forward and grabbed Rutile's arm.

Man in White: Are you here to investigate the Foster Research Institute...?!

Rutil, Riquet, Akira: …..!

Akira: You know about the investigation, so you're the one who sent the request...?

Man in White: That's right. My name is Keith Birch. I'm the botanist who worked with Dr. Foster.

Murr: ......

Akira: (Keith Bird...That name sounds familiar...) You’re the doctor who discovered the antidote to the Taboo Peacock’s poison?

Keith: ….! Oh, right...

Akira: (This guy is the one from the newspaper...)

Keith: Ah... Sorry for keeping you crouched down for so long. I should stand up...

As he said this, Mr. Keith tried to stand up on his own, but Rutil reached out a hand to him.

Rutile: 《Ortonik Setomaouge》 Before that, if you don't mind, please accept some sugar. It will give you some energy.

Keith: ......

Rutile: I'm sorry if I'm overstepping my bounds. But you looked like you were pushing yourself quite hard, so I was worried...

Keith: ...So there are kind wizards like you too...

Rutile: Huh?

Keith: Ah...Well, you see, the Sage’s Wizards are different from the other ones. In this country, wizards are creatures that deceive and mock humans. When that short-haired guy followed me with a broom, I thought he was trying to play a prank on me.

Akira: .....

With a frown, Mr. Keith glanced at Murr, but there seemed to be no malice in his eyes. It was as if he just discovered a pesky insect nestled amongst the petals of a prized flower, or a rain cloud looming over his carefully planned picnic. It was inevitable. He had his own reasons for distrusting wizards.

Akira: (...But...) (Why is it? My heart ached sharply, as if pricked by a needle.)

Murr: …...

Rutile: Mr. Keith, I don't think Mr. Murr was trying to trick you…

Murr: Nope, I kinda wanna do it!

Akira: M-Murr...

Rutile: I-I'm sorry, I’m sure it’s scary for you to be chased suddenly…

Keith: Ah…no…huh? Did you just say Murr...?

Rutile: Ah, yes.

Murr: I’m Murr! Meow!

Keith: …No way…this short-haired guy is Dr. Murr Hart!?

Mr. Keith stared at Murr with a doubtful expression.

Murr: It seems so! My soul has shattered, though!

Keith: Huh...? Soul, you say…Mphm…!

Rutile: Murr!

Oz: …What did you feed him?

Murr: Since Rutile wasn't going to give him a sugar, I fed it to him!

Riquet: Rutile's sugar is delicious, but it's a breach of etiquette to suddenly shove it into someone's mouth, Murr.

Keith: …Gulp. Ah, sweet…delicious…

Rutile: I'm glad.

Murr: Hey, Keith. You are Angelo's friend, right? I heard stories about you from Angelo before. He said you saved him from being embarrassed when he first went to the salon. What did he say about you? Cold but kind? Kind but cold? I forgot the details, but he liked you! He said you were a respected scholar and a dear friend!

Keith: …...

Rutile: So, Mr. Keith, you made a request to the wizards because you were worried about your friend Angelo?

Riquet: You must be feeling very distressed that your friend's whereabouts are unknown and that you can't approach the research institute due to the Taboo Peacock's poison to look for him.

Keith: ...Friend, I don't deserve to be called that...

Akira: Huh...?

Murr: Is that so? Then I guess I was wrong!

Keith: ...Anyway, let's end this conversation here. You're here to investigate the research institute, right? At first, I thought you were a suspicious group and ran away. But if this is an official investigation, then as the one requested this, I should join you…

Oz: It's not necessary.

Keith: ...What?

Oz: The Taboo Peacock's connection to the Great Calamity is still unclear. There is nothing a human like you can do right now.

Rutile: Mr. Keith, we'll investigate in your place as well. Please, put your trust in us and wait.

Keith:...Then, I have a favor to ask you.

Riquet: A favor?

Keith: I left a prototype of Tabook Peacock’s antidote here during a previous visit. If you find something like an antidote, please bring it to me.

Murr: Hmm, what kind of container is it in?

Keith: That's... ...I can't remember because it's been a while. Anyway, I need it for my research.

Murr: ...Hmmm? Alright! I'll recover it while I'm at it! Sage, let's go inside the research institute too. Come on, hurry!

Akira: Ah, yes!

[Inside the research institute]

Bradley: Thought we'd have to wade through a sea of that Taboo Peacock poison to get in, but man, this was way easier than I thought.

Shylock: It's a good thing the entrance isn't blocked.

Cain: But it's still a mess inside too. Everything is purple, it's like we've entered the Forest of Taboo Peacock. These leaves are pretty, but when they're so overgrown, it gives me kind of an eerie feeling.

Mitile: Is the nectar that flows from these leaves poisonous…

Shylock: Yes, but it's fine as long as it doesn't get into your body, so it's okay to look at it like this. Just be careful not to put it in your mouth or let it touch any wounds.

Mitile: I-I understand. ...Oh.

Bradley: What's up, Southern kid?

Mitile: Look, the bottle on the far right of the shelf over there. It has a silver shell with mottled blue patterns... A seed of a rare herb I've only seen in the encyclopedia. I wonder what's in the bottle next to it... Could it also be a medicinal herb?

Cain: You're very interested in herbs, Mitile. As expected of someone studying medicine.

Mitile: Hehehe. If Mr. Murr's friend had been here, I could have heard many stories... Mr. Angelo, please be safe.

Shylock: Indeed. It would be nice if there were some clues left here.

Bradley: Clues... Hey, you Western pipe-man, you noticed too, right? This isn't just the result of the Great Calamity. There's another presence here.

Shylock: ......

Cain and Mitile: Eh?

[Sound of tree swaying]

Mitile: ...Something, something just moved! Suddenly, the leaves are swaying and...

Cain: Why, there's no wind though?

???: ...Murr, Murr...

Mitile: For some reason...the sound of the trees swaying sounds like a voice…! They're calling out, "Murr"...

Cain: Is this because of the Great Calamity…?

Episode 2 | Episode 4

[cainvstheworld]

Draft Dodger by Cain Birch

Thank you for all the love on my last poem btw <3

[Text ID: Draft Dodger by Cain Birch. I am a man by most means, mediums, measures. But the law leaves me out; it doesn’t want my boots on the ground, doesn’t recognize my manhood. I’m grateful: that there is no slim chance, no open window or cracked door, that I’ll be shipped off to murder, boxed up to butcher. I skirted the tragedies of boyhood, the relentless teasing and awkward boners, the fistfights and choked-back-down tears. The guilt rains down heavy, like endless rounds of gunfire, that I got off easy, that my knuckles never bruised. I huddled in wait for my moment, patient sniper on the battlefield, my weapon my needle, my ammo my medicine. My target was camouflaged in a sea of crew cuts. The boy bestowed me his boots and haircut; I blessed him with an exit wound the moment I came of age. The guilt dies with the memories that rush thick and fast: phantom knives ripping through my abdomen, rape whistles for Christmas, a self-defense class that taught me how to bring a man to his knees when he palms your breast. Girlhood was a battlefield, and there was no draft. /End ID]

[bobbie-robron]

It would appear the young Mr. Sugden is quite a hit with the ladies. (Part 1.2)

Andy still on it with Robert until Daz alerts them Katie is in the pub. But neither get there because Jack (with Victoria) come upon them demanding answers NOW! The confrontation in the pub between Katie and Sadie leads to a drink thrown and a slap! It gets worse as Tom fires Katie on the spot! Again, Robert denies any misdeeds now to his family. Betty, Ethan and Edna commenting on Sadie and Robert 😂. Back at home, Robert goes on the defense (‘But why the hell does no one ever believe a word that I say?’) but it doesn’t stick around needing to talk to Katie…

10-May-2005

[cymorilcinnamonroll]

Grandmother Eve

'Grandmother Eve' by Sue Ellen Parkinson, framed by my desk

"Eve," Michael said, his sword a languid question. He parted the jasmine tree in Gan Eden, by the Bell Trees of Memories, where a thousand soldiers had fallen like rain at his brother's hands.

Eve - worn now, a grandmother - her skin like earth, her hands stolid and wrinkled like a date palm - was like a wise woman that angels like him could only begin to ken.

Michael, ageless, softened at the grace of his love. If only he too could grow laugh lines - show some mark from the smile of the sun. He warmed at the grace of his bosom friend.

They sat down together and shared an apple. Or maybe, it was a pomegranate.

Perhaps, a fig.

No matter, whatever fruit, they chewed, the seeds popping like questions. Eve laughed a bit, a trickster, and held Michael's hand in the silence.

She was God's gift to humanity - a matrix of motherhood, the first gardener - if Adam had named the beasts, Eve had named the plants, and she passed the love of fennel stalk, cane rod, and pan pipes on to her sweet but bloody Cain.

Seth was of all providences: his father's kine, his mother's milk. And now, millions of years after Lucy walked as Australeopithicus, and this Mitochondrial Eve had sheltered in the Horn of Africa - hunting, dancing, painting with henna on the cave walls, decorating seashells and obsidian on Adam's neck strung with twine, and sewed a million and million more hide pants with a bone needle for her billions of sons and daughters - it had come to evening.

It was time for Eve

to rest.

Eve looked up, wizened and hoary, her tight coils of long, wild, honey-smelling white hair like spackled clouds. The pith of the fruit they had shared was well chewed, and she planted it in the dirt by her bare feet. Her haunches were wide and silken, her belly scarred from a breech birth, her paunch heavy and beautiful - but her lips, they were hungry for humor.

She had always, even as a girl in Michael's palace - before the Fall, before Autumn came, and she descended to till fields and cultivate the plants he and Lucifer had taught her and Adam to garden - delighted in their Father's mysteries.

"Hello, old friend," Eve nearly sang - her voice was faded into a hollow curve of Earth like the soil she had sprang from.

Michael would know. Eve was his own cutting - 'twas no rib she hailed from, but fruit of the vine, a babe the Archangelina in his female form had nursed, sacrificed sleepless nights too, and raised as a tot and girl in Heaven. If Lucifer was Eve's Father, Michael was her Mother.

And oh, how when Samael and Michael had come together to create her - did they not know their love would falter.

Eve was braiding sorghum. Her flaxen, brown fingers folded the lily brown pads of vegetables uprooted, sweetgrass, an ancient medicine, into rows like cranes flying North, on to stiller waters. Her black eyes - hazy with cataracts, but it almost looked like green serpents were flying tween her brows - bespoke an old fondness for her Brother, Father, Mother, and Son.

"Shall we walk the usual path, Chavah?" Michael said tenderly, helping the old, witchy woman of such grace yet solid foundations creak to life in her buckskin dress and whorled birch cane.

Raphael had carved it for her two decades ago, when she reached 20 million years old. Now, it seemed, Eve was as cracked in the face as a crow's crackle - but so old, so beautiful, she could spin tales of all that was, all that had been, and all there was

to be.

"Yes, dear Michael. I would enjoy watching the ferns grow, and seeing the finches peck at the seed we left out this morning."

So, Eve and Michael walked with both nubile, full, and yet ancient, weighted steps, past Neshema, past Naamah, past Nema.

The jungle twined together, the taiga froze their feet. They laughed and spoke of how the serpent got its tooth, or how the lion got its mane. Eve's favorite - the narwhal its horn - was as raunchy as dear Gabriel's drunken jokes.

When they came to the edge of Creation, they watched Yeshua set - the Son, the Sun sublime – and he beamed solar providence like manna down.

They ate the cloudy populace of Eucharist, and milk, honey, and wine flowed in rivers from Da'ath.

"Let's do this again tomorrow, Michael," Eve winked. "I will tell you how the dragonfly got its sting."

"I would love that, Mother Eve," Michael agreed jovially, and he took her curved, voluptuous, tilled body, flew in mighty brambles of white wings back to the Cave of Adam and Eve, then gave her to the arms of old Adam, who sat out front, smoking a pipe and watching the rolling wheat, and Michael resumed his position amongst the stars -

Looking forward

to their morning

breakfast.

[fairyheart]

People I want to know better

Thank you for the tag @likearolloftape ❤️🥰😘!!!! love you!!!

last song: dog days by ethel cain

favorite color: pastel blue or pastel pink

last book: Salem’s lot

last movie: significant other

last tv show: community

sweet/spicy/savory: sweet all the way!!

relationship status: single

current obsession: rhett abbott, ben mears, and Juno birch

looking forward to: seeing my grandpa! This weekend me, my mom and my younger brother are going to visit him (he wants us to bring beer 😂

no pressure tags: @withahappyrefrain @sweetandsour18 @ereardon @mearslot @rhettmotel @sugarcoated-lame @hederasgarden I’m also just tagging anyone that sees this!!! 🩷🩷🩷

[aheckinmess]

List of Characters I Can Write

My Hero Academia (Current Hyperfocus, Fan for 3 Years)

Pro Heroes

Shouta Aizawa (Eraserhead) - Enji Todoroki (Endeavor) - Hizashi Yamada (Present Mic) - Keigo Takami (Hawks) - Oboro Shirakumo (Loud Cloud) - Toshinori Yagi (All Might) - Rumi Usagiyama (Mirko) - Snipe (Choku Dan)^ - Sekijiro Kan (Vlad King) - Nemuri Kayama (Midnight) - Kugo Sakamata (Gang Orca) - Mirai Sasaki (Sir Nighteye) - Ryuko Tatsuma (Ryukyu) - Taishiro Toyomitsu (Fat Gum) - Ectoplasm

^ "Choku Dan" is a placeholder name that I've given Snipe since it hasn't been revealed in the manga/show to my knowledge.

Adults

Natsuo Todoroki - Fuyumi Todoroki - Toya Todoroki - Inko Midoriya - Tensei Iida

Villains/Anti-Heroes

Dabi - Tomura Shigaraki - Himiko Toga - Jin Bubaigawara (Twice) - Atsuhiro Sako (Mr. Compress) - Danjuro Tobita (Gentle Criminal) - Manami Aiba (La Brava)

Class 1-A

Izuku Midoriya (Deku) - Katsuki Bakugo (Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight) - Shoto Todoroki (Shoto) - Eijiro Kirishima (Red Riot) - Denki Kaminari (Chargebolt) - Mezo Shoji (Tentacole) - Kyoka Jiro (Earphone Jack) - Tenya Iida (Ingenium) - Mina Ashido (Pinky) - Momo Yaoyorozu (Creati) - Yuga Aoyama (Can't Stop Twinkling) - Tsuyu Asui (Froppy) - Ochaco Uraraka (Uravity) - Mashirao Ojiro (Tailman) - Koji Koda (Anima) - Rikido Sato (Sugarman) - Hanta Sero (Cellophane) - Fumikage Tokyami (Tsukuyomi) - Toru Hagakure (Invisible Girl) - Minoru Mineta (Grape Rush) - Hitoshi Shinsou

The Big Three

Mirio Togata (Lemillion) - Tamaki Amajiki (Suneater) - Nejire Hato (Nejire)

Jujutsu Kaisen (Active, Fan for 1 Year)

Jujutsu Sorcerers (Adults)

Satoru Gojo - Suguru Geto - Kento Nanami - Choso - Ryomen Sukuna - Toji Fushiguro

Jujutsu Sorcerers (Teens)

Yuta Okkotsu - Toge Inumaki - Panda - Maki Zenin - Yuji Itadori - Megumi Fushiguro - Nobara Kugisaki

Attack on Titan (Active, Recently Discovered)

Scouts

Levi Ackerman - Erwin Smith - Jean Kirstein - Eren Yeager - Armin Arlert - Mikasa Ackerman

(More will be added, but I've only just watched the show and need time to get to know the characters.)

Pokémon (Semi-active, Fan for 22 Years)

Pokémon Emerald (Ruby/Sapphire)

May/Brendan - Wally - Steven - Scott - Professor Birch - Roxanne - Brawly - Wattson - Flannery - Norman - Winona - Tate & Liza - Wallace - Juan

Pokémon Platinum (Diamond/Pearl)

Dawn/Lucas - Barry - Cynthia - Professor Rowan - Roark - Gardenia - Fantina - Maylene - Crasher Wake - Byron - Candice - Volkner

Pokémon Black (Black/White)

Hilda/Hilbert - Bianca - Cheren - Alder - Professor Jupiter - N - Ghetsis - Colress - Chili - Cilan - Cress - Lenora - Burgh - Elesa - Clay - Skyla - Brycen - Drayden - Iris

Pokémon Black 2 (Black/White 2)

Rosa/Nate - Bianca - Hugh - Iris - Professor Jupiter - N - Ghetsis - Colress - Cheren - Roxie - Burgh - Elesa - Clay - Skyla - Drayden - Marlon

Pokémon X (X/Y)

I didn't have the money for a 3DS when this first came out, got behind on Pokémon games until I got one since Pokémon Moon was my first Pokémon game on the 3DS. My hubby just recently bought X for me so I can finish my timeline of Pokémon games available (aside from Alpha Sapphire/Omega Ruby). When I'm finished playing it, I'll add it.

Pokémon Moon (Sun/Moon)

Selene/Elio - Hau - Professor Kukui - Ilima - Lana - Kiawe - Mallow - Sophocles - Acerola - Mina

Pokémon Shield (Sword/Shield)

Gloria/Victor - Marnie - Hop - Bede - Leon - Professor Magnolia - Milo - Nessa - Kabu - Allister - Opal - Piers - Raihan

Pokémon Scarlet (Scarlet/Violet)

I haven't finished playing this one yet - maybe I'll finish it soon!

Batman (Inactive, Fan for 12 Years - Have Only Recently Found WFA)

Batman: The Dark Knight

Bruce Wayne (The Batman) - Joker - Harvey Dent (Two-Face) - Rachel Dawes - Jim Gordon - Alfred Pennyworth - Lucius Fox - Salvatore Maroni

Wayne Family Adventures

Bruce Wayne (The Batman) - Richard Grayson (Nightwing) - Jason Todd (Red Hood) - Tim Drake (Red Robin) - Damian Wayne (Robin) - Duke Thomas (The Signal) - Cassandra Cain (Orphan) - Barbara Gordon (Oracle) - Stephanie Brown (Spoiler)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (Inactive, Fan for 14 Years)

Captain America

Steve Rogers (Captain America) - Peggy Carter - James "Bucky" Barnes

Iron Man

Tony Stark (Iron Man) - James "Rhodey" Rhodes (Iron Patriot) - Happy Hogan

The Avengers

Tony Stark (Iron Man) - Captain America (Steve Rogers) - Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow) - Clint Barton (Hawkeye) - Thor Odinson (Thor) - Bruce Banner (The Hulk) - Nick Fury - Agent Phil Coulson - Agent Maria Hill

Thor (Asgardians)

Thor - Loki - Odin - Frigga - Heimdall - Fandral - Lady Sif - Volstagg - Hogun

Guardians of the Galaxy

Peter Quill (Star Lord) - Rocket Racoon - Groot - Gamora - Drax the Destroyer - Nebula - Yondu

Age of Ultron

Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver) - Wanda Maximoff (Scarlet Witch) - Vision (J.A.R.V.I.S.)

Ant-Man

Scott Lang (Ant-Man)

Spider-Man (Homecoming)

Peter Parker (Spider-Man) - Mary Jane - Ned Leeds

Doctor Strange

Stephen Strange (Dr. Strange) - Wong - Christine Palmer

(There are many more, but it's been a while since I've watched anything MCU since End Game because OW)

The Phantom of the Opera (Inactive, Fan for 14 Years)

Phantom (Erik Destler) - Christine Daae - Raoul de Chagny - Meg Giry - Madame Giry

[I have seen the musical, yes, but I got started on the 2004 movie musical and it stole my heart the moment I saw it.]

If you do not see a character listed, feel free to send me a request and I'll let you know if I can write them!

[ramonadecember]

Cain

- Fir 1, 5

- Holly 3, 5

- Ivy 4, 5

- Mistletoe 2

- Pine 1 , 2

- Birch 2, 3

oc questions.

thanks for sending more! :D snow day, so gonna be working on these.

--

Fir 1: Cain is definitely far more of a pessimist than an optimist. He doesn’t tend to see the positive in people or situations, always thinking about who could screw him over or what could go wrong. He’s also the type to say that he’s not being overly negative/pessimistic, and that he’s just being ‘realistic.’ There’s a lot less disappointment that way, and if it all works out fine, then hey, Cain gets to be pleasantly surprised.

Fir 5: He doesn’t let setbacks slow him down. Cain is gonna curse about it and grit his teeth and barrel through like the bull of a man that he is. Letdowns are much the same. He doesn’t expect much out of most people, and it means that he can move on fairly easily/didn’t set himself up for disappointment in the first place. But as for things that actually count as outright ‘betrayals’… Cain has very few he actually puts his trust in, so when those people go against him, it more than stings.

Holly 3: Cain doesn’t make it a habit of taking on harm or burdens so that someone else doesn’t have to. In his mind, that’s their problem, they should deal with it. The exceptions to that would have been the gang as a whole who he would have been a little more willing to for, or his brother who he would have done just about anything for. And since they’re out of the picture, there’s no longer exceptions… until Isaiah comes a long and changes just about everything for Cain. Ultimately Cain will go to great lengths to keep Isaiah from coming to any sort of harm.

Holly 5: lmao Cain for sure feels let down by those he thought should have but ‘protected’ him, but should have had his back/been on his side. Namely, the entirety of his gang. He thought them of all people wouldn’t believe he was the one who killed his brother, but that assumption nearly ends up with him losing his own life in the process, and at the hands of the people he trusted most.

Ivy 4: It’s with a bit of a heavy heart that Cain would say he doesn’t really have much of a connection to where he was born and raised. His parents are still there, but he was never their favorite child, and since his brother’s death, it’s only been more strained. He’s… not sure if they believe the stories that he was the one who made that death happen, but it feels like everyone else does, so ‘home’ is a place that’s just… best avoided.

Ivy 5: Cain doesn’t exactly cut people out of his life for ‘outliving their usefulness,’ but he is more likely to surround himself with people who can be of use to him in the first place. He also remembers those who have done favors for him, and always makes sure to pay them back. It’s hard for Cain to believe that people do things for others solely out of the kindness of their heart without expecting anything in return, and he doesn’t want to feel like he owes anyone.

Mistletoe 2: Lmao, no. Cain doesn’t find it easy to make friends. He’s… not a very nice or personable guy. The majority of his friends he’s made vicariously through his brother, who softened Cain enough to make him more palatable to others lmao. Plus, later in life, that ran with a rougher crowd in general, so Cain’s… questionable personality didn’t stand out as much, though he was still def the biggest sob among them. So he really can’t understand why pretty little angel of a human being Isaiah is so bent on befriending him…

Pine 1 + 2: Putting these two together because the answer re: Cain’s worst physical and emotional wound comes from the same thing. Cain had just lost his brother, which tore the heart right out of him, despite how he outwardly may have seemed, and despite any conflicts there may have been between them. So he was already struggling with that only to sense unrest amongst the rest of the gang. Cut to them (as mentioned above, the people he thought he could trust the most…) shooting him and beating him near to death before then leaving him there to let the elements finish the job. It’s a miracle he’s still alive. Recovery took quite a bit of time, during which time he had to pretend he wasn’t some big, bad outlaw to the townsfolk that took him in and took care of him, but the betrayal might have hurt more than any of the actual injuries, and that takes even longer to recover from.

Birch 2: Initially Cain thinks more like… that if you hit rock bottom, you stay there, there’s no building yourself back up. He assumed that’s where he was headed, can’t live the way he does for forever. SO when he does in fact hit his rock bottom, he thinks that’s it’s for him. It takes some time and a lot of kindness from the community that took him in to realize that maybe it isn’t. So Cain ultimately believes that’s what has to happen to change your life, he’s a proponent of learning lessons the hard way and stuff, but then he learns that when it comes to Isaiah that doesn’t apply. Cain sees Isaiah starting to go down a rough path, and he does his best to stop t from happening, not thinking those lessons (ones he’s learned in the past) are ones that Isaiah needs to learn if he can prevent it.

Birch 3: Cain likes to think he can just walk off his injuries, act like the big tough guy and all that. But he is only human, and on top of that he’s not as young as he once was… not that he’ll admit to it or let a person get away with pointing it out. It means there’s a lot of overexerting himself and doing things he shouldn’t that end up just making injuries worse before they get better.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Hello good evening I hope you're doing well could I request some Taylor Swift songs for your trash cans uh I mean dragon fuckers couples, please and thank you. 🙏

LMAO well I do live to please!

Kai/Sol - This Love

Mercury/Birch - I Knew You Were Trouble

Petty/Darius - cowboy like me

Kukri/Obsidian - Forever & Always

Cain/Elektra - peace

Sully/Juniper's Father - All Too Well (Ten Minute Version)

Ricin/Naomi - Mine

Xerxes/Ryder - Red

Terra/Tungsten - tolerate it

Now, I don't want to give away every relationship, so I will say, as a fun surprise:

[redacted]/[redacted] - The Way I Loved You

[redacted]/[redacted] - invisible string

[redacted]/[redacted]/[redacted] - Out of the Woods

[redacted]/[redacted] - Paper Rings

I wonder what these characters could be and what these songs might mean... :3