#cishet men

[genderqueerdykes]

In a weird way, it feels like this is the only blog I can ask this and know that I'll get a 100% honest answer to my question, without having to worry about reading subtext. (Thank you for that) you've mentioned you don't want man hating lesbians here (valid) and if that applies here I'll back off 100% but like.

What if I specifically hate Cishet men. What if I don't take issue with queer men at all, just the cishets? Geunine question, just in case, because I know this could read as like trolling or something, and I do understand that basic language dictates yes it'd apply but I'm stupid & not sure, and I know that even if it's a harsh or brutal reply, you'll still give it to me straight. (Thank you for that too, my autistic ass struggles with subtext a lot.)

While I have reasons for feeling the way I do, I'm not sure they matter in this context. And that's okay.

i'm glad that you want to have a genuine conversation about it, i really appreciate that! the only way to learn and figure things out is to ask questions

at the end of the day, this behavior still affects queer men. cishet men can be queer- they can be intersex, aromantic, asexual, genderqueer, gender non conforming, drag artists... "cishet man" does not inherently mean someone who is not queer. there are many ways to be queer outside of being gay, bisexual, and/or trans. and even then, this behavior gets dangerous fast because strangers you perceive to be cishet men very well can be anything but that. someone you clock to be a cishet man may be a closeted trans girl, a trans man, a non binary person, a butch lesbian, and so on. you treating that person like they're an inherent danger causes a whole host of issues

this attitude is also why trans men, trans women, and non binary people are being forcefully removed from queer communities. if a queer person reads or passes as a "cishet man," they are treated with hostility and asked to leave in a lot of cases. we cannot allow the concept of manhood and perceived manhood to be viewed as something to be avoided and cast out, because it affects so much more than just cishet men. this attitude affects a LOT of closeted and non-passing trans women. honestly, that's who this hurts the most. it hurts trans men and enbies, but it really hurts trans women. it creates a standard where they have to overperform femininity and womanhood in order to be seen as "safe", and it's not okay.

projecting your issues with a small handful of people on to an entire group does not help. you have not been harmed by the concept of cishet men- you have been harmed by specific cishet men. in permanently labeling cishet men as bad people, this creates an ultimatum where they can never improve. hating them by virtue of them being cishet men creates a standard that cishet men will ALWAYS be terrible, and that they can't improve or learn. this creates an environment where no one challenges these behaviors and it makes the cycle even more toxic and abusive

it's okay to not want to spend time with cishet men, but saying that you hate all cishet men really isn't a good look. it's not the way to go about living a happy life. assuming that every single cishet man on this planet will hurt you or be a bad person strictly by virtue of being a cishet man is exactly what cishets do to us. this is how queerphobic cishet people look at trans women. there's no reason to do it back. we have to learn not to stereotype entire groups of people, no matter who they are

the concept of cishet men has never hurt you, and it never will. cishet men are not your enemy- patriarchy is. not every single cishet man benefits from patriarchy, either. intersex men, men of color, gender non conforming men, ace men and aro men are treated like absolute shit for not conforming to the toxic masculinity that patriarchy pushes. patriarchy also harms men- we must stand alongside men who are being chewed up and spat out by this machine. cishet men are not inherently bad people- we are grooming boys and men to be hostile, emotionally closed off, and violent. this is not an inherent trait of cishet men, but rather a societal issue

i hope that makes sense! in general it just really sucks to stereotype an entire group of people. it doesn't help anyone. the concept of cishet manhood hasn't hurt you and it never will. cishet men can still be allies. i've had lots of cishet male friends who weren't transphobic or even homophobic. the first person in my irl life to switch to using my proper pronouns at the time was a cishet man. he never screwed up my pronouns once, he never questioned my gender identity. cishet man does not mean inherently violent, dangerous, and evil. the more we teach men that they don't have to be this way, the more they will follow.

hope that helps! take care!

[thelittlestpika]

Cishet Men Who Give Me Faith In Humanity:

- Hozier

- David Tennant

- Markiplier

List is subject to getting longer... Maybe.

[mxmorbidmidnight]

I love when my dad shows me his cishet dude bro films so I can point out all the queer coding and describe how the buff male protagonists would kiss (like waves eroding against the shoreline, rough, gentle warm and smooth. They kiss like they fight…. Passionately).

No dude bro media is safe from me. I get into these fandoms just to make it gay. Yeah I turned this crusty sixty year old man gay. What are you going to do about it hetero boy? That’s what I thought. Wench.

[aimee-maroux]

I want to talk about a male friend who, as far as I know, is cishet, but whenever I feel like I have to speak up about something related to feminism, gender identity and sexuality, he is there correcting false assumptions or making a joke about the conservative talking points made by someone in the group. It feels so good not having to be the only one to stand up all the time. Men, please take note, this is too rare and it makes me genuinely feel like someone has my back.

[cowboylikeyouu]

proud to tell y'all i successfully defended carol denvers to my cishet male roommate 😔💪🏻 he was like "ugh she's so overpowered i don't like it" and i changed his mind AND made him listen to me rant about the lack of female-lead marvel movies and he was nodding along & agreeing in the end. doing god's service here

[gothspell-blog]

Idk how to spell it out for men that they should hate the patriarchy too because it’s why they can’t talk about their feelings without feeling utterly emasculated??????????????

[chbrk1]

It's so genuinely hard to be a friend to someone who likes men, like, every time I'm listening about how their boyfriends don't even do the most basic stuff that I'm, being just a friend, doing all the time??? And, like, stuff that I consider normal and basic and necessary even in just close friendship??? Like, bitch, what do you mean you didn't thought about gifting them some flowers even tho they always told you they love flowers and you have lots of money and definitely can buy it???? I'm a poor student and I rarely have money for normal food, and still I'm planning months before their birthday how and where I will buy flowers for them to make that a surprise, I make whole research on what flowers they love the most, and I literally start saving my money to get them a decent bouquet, and we're just friends, not even dating, that's literally a basic thing, why the fuck can't men do that shit in literal relationship😭

[givexmhellkid]

the way i keep on ONLY attracting straight cis guys that just see me as a girl is actually creepy. like, nobody is ever attracted to me genuinely, only men that see me just for my vagina ig? also i dress really alternative and i'm really sex repulsed, do they see me as a challenge of some sorts?

[lordofdapies]

Cisgender heterosexual men please interact

[clownoid-cat]

i'm paging a MUN atm and there was an assembly, in which 4 white cis-het middle aged men talked about why they chose to become diplomats, and it was so boring, i wanted to die (/j)

but then one of them had actually an interesting speech and i looked him up, and it turns out he's not straight

so my stance stands, and that is

could straight men literally shut up, like everything they ever had to say, has been said in those 2000 (or so) years of misogyny

(and like i obviously don't mean all men and all that, but jesus christ, if only they said something actually interesting)

[millybrowm]

my favorite cishet men’s habit is when they see their friends and yell “well look who it is!” or “this guy!” at each other. how delightful.

[genderqueerdykes]

when i come out i usually find myself immediately trusting cis dudes more. because if they have a problem, ill know immediately and be able to cut that shit off. on the other hand, ive been "accepted" by cis women, only to have that acceptance taken away if i become too masculine , or theyll try steer me a more feminine direction while not directly saying anything. so then when i try to bring up issues its like "how dare you!!! im not a transphobe!!!"

that aint to say one group is more accepting than the other. for awhile i thought ciswomen were more accepting when actually i was a younger transguy who hadnt caught on yet. in my experience cis guys just immediately make it clear, and theres something about that that makes me feel a lot safer and not like im walking on eggshells. the cis women in my life who do support me are important and i love and appreciate them all, but there needs to me for conversations around more covert transphobia that even Allies can fall victim too

everyone is capable of being an asshole or shifting the goal posts and it's not okay for people to assume cis women can't do this. ive had a lot of cis women just constantly change the playing field and only accept me under certain conditions or if i performed manhood the way they wanted me to. i've had some cishet men do this too but honestly not very many. cishet men can be assholes but a lot of them are also just upfront and honest and it's a trait i'd rather appreciate

i'd rather someone just straight up tell me they don't want to associate without forcing me to guess or play mind games. i don't like when anyone of any gender does that. but i appreciate that a lot of the cishet men in my life have been very transparent about how they feel about interacting with me and i think its helpful as hell.

a lot of cishet men also just really do not give a fuck about queerness in a very productive way. as in "that doesn't pertain to me at all that's your business and i just want to be your friend. if you wanna tell me you can, but i'm not prying you for answers." i've had so many cishet guys treat me this way. most of my friends have been cishet guys and they've all been chill as hell about me being queer.

people need to accept that a gender doesn't make you evil, nor does it make you exempt from being called out for doing harm. thanks for sharing your experience, it deserves to be heard

[auntbibby]

cishetero men have no shame

my supportive roommate was on the phone and he said (and i quote): "Pooping? Farting? Farting? Farting? Farting? He slapped him becuz he was farting?"

wtf kind of conversation are u having??

[sarcasticsoup]

i fucking love this group chat

context: he was complaining about having to church-sit, the rest of the group is comprised of me (nb lesbian), the dnd nerd (genderqueer bisexual), future serial killer (aroace) and other friend (bi)

[netscapenavigator-official]

I just realized what weenies cishet men are to claim women wearing makeup is “false advertisement” when their ancestors literally simped for women who wore corsets and balls gowns to alter their entire bodily shape, and never once complained like this.

[neurantics-theythem]

What would you bet, if cis men were the ones giving birth to kids (in a typical heterosexual kid-producing relationship), they would get their own "birth-day" every year, one for each kid they gave birth to, to be celebrated for the pain they went through in childbirth.

Meanwhile in reality, the people who *actually* go through childbirth are celebrated by being put under a microscope and scrutinized for any and every parenting choice they make.