#could exist like the source of his worst trauma

[suncaptor]

Like if you do want to engage in "Dean was raped in Hell" headcanon space you also do need to handle what I genuinely think would change his relationship with sex & sense of self even more which is that he would have also raped people in Hell because it's very safe to assume anything that was done to him he would do to others. Which, while I don't think it's unrealistic to think the torture he experienced and inflicted was intimate or sexually done in a way that is actually indistinguishable, it is not something I think comes off at all from the way he perceives and engaged with sex post Hell.

[jennifer-jeong]

Fluff + Angst | Boothill x GN!Reader Homecoming

SUMMARY He thought he lost everything, but you were always here, waiting for him to come home

CONTENT Angst to fluff, happy ending implied basically, mentions of past traumas, ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+

AUTHOUR NOTES Just read Boothill’s character stories… I am unwell… So I wrote this LMAOO enjoyyy GUH I just started playing the game but alas the hyperfixation is already here Also, Boothill, please actually come home please I have soft pity soon

WORD COUNT: 921

Boothill was visiting the Aeragan-Epharshel reserves, seeing what was left of his tribe, his distant family, and because honestly it was just one of those times where he was really missing home. It just hurt because home no longer existed for him. The memories still pop up sometimes. How he searched the entire burnt house for anyone, anything to rescue. It was years ago, but still haunts him, it always will. So that’s why he’s here. Just visiting because why not. No one quite knew him here, but it felt fairly cozy. The few buildings around the area were lively with families and they had farmland and livestock like he always did when he was younger. The sun was setting, lighting everything in golden and orange hues. He enjoyed the warmth on his skin, well, the skin on his face at least. A few of the townsfolk offered him some food since he was just passing by and because the town was so small, everyone knew when there was an unfamiliar face. They also wanted to help him because he helped where he could during the day, just helping people lift and move things, even catching a loose chicken. It was actually pretty nice and for the first time in a while, he smiled, just genuinely enjoying life, watching the sunset, sitting on a bench, eating his food.

It was peaceful and the warm breeze tousled his hair and brushed his face. But he also heard something insane, the name he hadn’t heard in years. It felt like it wasn’t even his name anymore but rather from a previous life in a different body. Worst or maybe best of all, it was your voice.

His eyes were blown wide, mechanical heart somehow racing. Was the robot body driving him insane? The doctor was pretty shady honestly, he wouldn’t have been surprised if she fudged his brain up too.

But still, curiosity made him look around for the source of the voice, even if it didn’t exist.

You watched him look around before shifting on the bench to fully turn to see you. Both your hands were hovering over your mouth, eyebrows upturned as your eyes couldn’t believe it.

When he turned, his eyes locked on your figure. Maybe you were just a hallucination, but hallucinations don’t age, don’t get more mature or taller. You look the same but different, and maybe that was enough evidence for him to believe he wasn’t psychotic.

He stood up slowly, taking careful steps towards you as your hands shook, adrenaline pumping through your body. It felt like it took hours for him to close the few meters between you but once you saw his eyes, you knew. It was him.

“Lord… It really is you,” you breathed out as you reached out slowly, not wanting to spook him but also barely believing that he was actually there. Your hands slowly cupped his face and he forgot how warm things like this felt. Tears pricked at his eyes. At this point he didn’t care if this was a hallucination or not, he just wanted to indulge himself for once. Just believe that he didn’t lose everything. That maybe he could still have you, one of his only friends outside of his family that he had while growing up. His first love that he never had enough time with, not even enough time to confess.

It was almost cruel how you felt the same and how much your heart ached upon seeing his teary eyes, frozen in disbelief, staring into yours. You brushed your thumbs over his cheeks trying to comfort him and show him you really were here.

He started to question himself. Why did he never check out the towns whenever he came back to investigate the IPC on Aeragan-Epharshel? Your house had been destroyed but he never confirmed your corpses, only those of his own family. It was too much, he just assumed the worst at the time.

But now here you are, tears streaming down your face, looking as beautiful as the day he first laid eyes on you.

“Darlin’… what happened to ya fer all these years?” You asked, questioning where he had been but also what happened to his body. You closed your eyes as your eyebrows scrunched together, unable to control your emotions and crying at this point. You quickly pulled him into a hug, arms wrapped around his neck. Reflexively, his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you in tight. Your chests flush against each other.

God how he wished he wasn’t cold metal right now. He wanted to feel you with his own skin, feel your warmth, how soft you were. But he could only barely make it out with the sensors on his body. Maybe he could get some upgrades? Link some more things to his brain?

He quickly snapped himself out of his own thoughts to finally respond to you. You shivered hearing his voice again.

“It don’t matter now sweetheart. All that matters is that I’m home,” he said slowly and shaky. You squeezed him harder as you started to sob into his shoulder. It made his own tears fall as he started to stroke your back.

“I thought I’d never see ya again,” you choked out.

“Same here darlin’,” he said, voice cracking.

“I’ll tell ya all about it, and ya tell me about yerself too,” he says between breathes, his throat closing from needing to cry. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere this time…

promise.”

|| MASTERLIST ♡ || Thank you for reading! ||

[theshadowsingersraven]

Even if Elriel became endgame I don't know how to express how little that would matter to me at least because it would be so easy to write a significantly better love story than they could ever hope to be. I'm literally doing it right now with a non-canon character. Every Gwynriel and Elucien fic is doing it right now.

Elain leaving the Night Court of her own accord, finding herself outside of her family who smothers, underestimates, and undermines her, and finding Lucien along the way and learning that they are not nearly as different as she thought? That he's kind, respectful, humorous, and believes in justice? Who she can find connections to Vassa and Jurian through, people who have also had their humanity stolen from them, who can truly understand her? Defeating Koschei together? Ascending to High Lord and High Lady of Day?

That will always be better than Elain becoming a sideline to Azriel’s storyline, supporting him in the background with the Wraith Twins being to her what Alis was to Feyre. That was will always be better than Elain having to reassure Azriel that she isn't going to leave him for her mate (who she will always be tied to, even with a rejected bond) because it's within character for someone like him with self-worth issues and meticulous planning habits to anticipate the worst.

Azriel seeking out the history of Truth-Teller and it's ties to Enalius, healing his trauma from the Illyrian culture and his family while Gwyn tries to handle the fallout of the Valkyries winning the Blood Rite, and the three of them alongside Az and Cassian investigating the thin place beneath Ramiel? The exact thing Eris referenced? Gywn and Azriel healing from their self-worth wounds simultaneously, if not by helping each other? Gwyn finding out the truth of her own heritage? Gwyn being beside Azriel when he finally faces his father and half-brothers on page? The two of them being the first people to stand by Nesta’s side as she ascends to High Lady of the newly-revived Dusk Court?

That will always be better than Azriel questioning if he does have a mate somewhere out there and spending his relationship miserable while smelling whatever remnants of the Elucien bond there is if they decide to reject it? And if they don't, spending every waking moment with his partner being reminded that the Mother decided that they aren't a true match?

Just because SJM might decide to canonize a miserable, surface-level love story where neither party could be truly happy because of the mate bond doesn't mean her readership will accept it or not find something better. Fanfics always have and always will exist, my loves. And if any of us have read Manacled, for example, we know how much better fanfics can be than the actual source material. But I'd like to believe that if I can think of all the above major, unromantic if not disappointing flaws that would inevitably plague Elriel, then SJM can, too.

[norraexploradora]

“Clone Force 99 Died With Tech.” Is that really true? The Answer is Deeper than you Think

In the series Finale of the Bad Batch, Crosshair shouts at Hunter with a harsh but memorable line, “Clone Force 99 Died with Tech.” But was that really true?

The answer could be both yes or no depending on the point of view.

From Crosshair’s perspective, he did believe Clone Force 99 died with Tech. A great deal of time had passed after he chose the Empire over his brothers. Like Omega told him on Pabu, “You’ve missed so much.” Crosshair was unaware all of the changes the squad had been through.

However, Crosshair knew exactly what was waiting for them inside Tantiss and that any attempt to infiltrate the base would be considered a suicide mission.

By sending his brothers elsewhere, Crosshair felt he was saving them. Given that his choice to remain with the Empire was the main source of his guilt, he felt that deserved to be the one to sacrifice himself. Hunter calling out this attempt as “Plan 99,” triggered Crosshair to forcibly reject everything they once were; thus giving us the line in question.

It’s important to note that by the time Tech enacted Plan 99, he had already come to the realization that they were more than a squad; they were a family. Tech sacrificed himself during a mission. So in essence, he saved his squad as a soldier. However, given the narrative of Season 2, there is a greater possibility that Tech quantified his decision as saving both his family and his squad.

Tech never thought he deserved his fate but understood it was the only solution. Plan 99 was implemented as an act of love. In Crosshair’s case, he felt he owed Omega; that sacrificing himself was an adequate punishment for his mistakes. That’s a huge difference.

Crosshair ultimately needed to forgive himself in order feel worthy of being accepted into the his old squad’s established family. We see this moment happen during the defeat of Dr. Hemlock.

During a tense stand-off on the bridge outside Tantiss, Crosshair had the ultimate test of faith. Plagued with doubts, he faced his worst fear; failure. With the encouragement from his brother, Crosshair pushed through his trauma and made a perfect shot to save his sister.

When Omega chooses to hug Crosshair after the battle was over, we clearly see the shock on his face that turns into relief. It was that in that exact moment that he finally forgives himself and is able to accept the love of his family. It’s one of the most touching and meaningful scenes in the entire series.

So, was Crosshair right? Did Clone Force 99 really die with Tech?

In my opinion, no.

Rescuing Omega from the clutches of Dr. Hemlock was their last mission as a squad. Their armor may have been metaphorically stripped of their old identities, but Clone Force 99 is irrevocably a part of them; just as one becomes a college alumni after graduation.

It’s also important to point out that Clone Force 99 was a title given to them by the GAR and the Bad Batch is a name they chose for themselves. A more accurate declaration would be that the concept of Clone Force 99 died when the Republic fell.

The narrative through the story of the Bad Batch is that the past is always a part of you. Your decisions and choices become your legacy.

Romar told Tech that Serennians existed before the war and the archive was a way to preserve his people’s history. Tech later explained to Omega that their squad existed before Echo and will still exist without him; that change is a fundamental part of life and they must adapt and move on.

Clone Force 99 and the Bad Batch may have been disbanded but their existence didn’t die.

They simply remain part of the Galaxy’s history and their legacy lives on through Omega and all people they’ve aided throughout their lives.

The skull patch on Omega’s jacket during the epilogue proves that.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

I found it. The worst Katara take.

https://www.tumblr.com/illycanary/748146862907867136/kataras-entire-arc-was-about-her-becoming-someone?source=share

Her entire arc was about becoming someone who could lead the Fire Nation!? The nation that GENOCIDED her people!?

Please… please I need to hear your take on this. It hurts my soul. Give me peace.

Zutarians: It's so disgusting how Kataang completely reduces Katara to just "The Avatar's girl."

Also zutarians: Katara's entire arc, trauma and struggles are not actually about herself, but about her Totally Real romance with Zuko and how she'll be great for his nation.

And she used to hate said nation because it was an elusive concept to project her insecurities onto. It was totally not because said nation had in place a socio-political AND military system that was hostile to her, her loved ones, and her culture by design.

It wasn't Zuko and the Fire Nation that had to understand that everyone else in the world was as human as they were, oh no. It was actually Katara and the rest of the world that had to understand that the Fire Nation ain't as bad as they thought - even though they WERE doing all the horrible things they thought they were doing, and ruining their lives by taking away everything and everyone they loved.

#UnhingedZutariansShutTheFuckUpChallenge

Also, can the fandom as a whole stop it with the bullshit "Characters like Jet and Hama existed to teach Katara and Sokka not to be racist against the Fire Nation"?

They were NEVER okay with killing, or even mistreating, someone just because they happened to be born in the Fire Nation or were under their control. Everyone they hated had done something to earn said hate: killed someone they loved, attacked their tribe, chased them around the world, held people prisoner and forced them into slave labor, etc.

You might think it was wrong of Katara and Sokka to do something like try to convince Aang to leave Zuko to die in the North Pole (and the show was very clearly saying that was the case) but you cannot act like that was based on some unearned hostility to anyone vaguely associated with a nation they "didn't understand" and not on, like Sokka said, not giving the guy that was trying to kill them a chance to try again and maybe succeed - hell, Katara gave Zuko a chance in Ba Sing Se, and look what fucking happened. Her best friend died right in front of her because Zuko jsut had to go help Azula take control of the city, and then he sent an assassin after them.

No one is fully good or evil - but people CHOOSE to do bad things, even if they have sympathetic reasons, and a political system CAN be inherently cruel, unfair and EVIL. And the Fire Nation under Sozin, Azulon and Ozai's rule very much was. And since Zuko went out of his way to keep that political system in place, he was doing something evil, and thus the people that were being victimized by him had every right to hate his guts for it.

Once again, let's hear it from Zuko himself:

"Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history. And somehow, the war was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was. The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us! And we deserve it! We've created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself, we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness."

The Fire Nation screwed up. Zuko screwed up. They need to get their shit together (and Zuko did), and the responsibility to do so is on THEM, not on the people that are quite literally fighting for their lives because the Fire Nation gave them no choice.

It's not Katara's job to make Zuko, and an entire country, see reason. And her arc was about HER journey, HER struggles, HER accomplishments, HER life, HER culture, and HER loved ones - just because Zuko would eventually be part of the last category, that doesn't mean that it secretly all about him the whole time.

And Zuko knows all this. That's why his arc, and his friendship with Katara, works. The show already gave you the perfect scenario to turn that friendship into a romance in fanfics and headcanons, you don't need to pretend the Fire Nation wasn't the obvious bad guy in the war THEY chose to start.

You can respect the beautiful arcs both Katara and Zuko went through, or you can make excuses for the Fire Nation's choice to commit genocide by saying "Well, EVERYONE had something to learn from it." You cannot possibly do both, because their arcs are all about showing this "both sides" thing is NOT TRUE.

[kityana]

#i was actually surprised at how quickly they dropped their weird version of blackhands #like for over a year now they've been writing blackhands as this abusive relationship with ed as an uncontrollably violent toddler #which. you know. incredibly racist on its own #but then they claim they actually got it in canon and it's too much so they drop the brown guy and ship the white guys exclusively? #very very weird

^^its not actually weird at all!! it’s very simple: the brand of blackhands these shippers loved is when they could portray the relationship as constantly imbalanced in izzy’s favor bc ed needed to do so much work to Atone and izzy was a poor helpless victim to ed’s violence. and when i say they wanted that relationship constantly imbalanced i mean CONSTANTLY constantly, like they needed ed groveling they needed izzy being doted on they needed the entire dynamic of their relationship to be centered around how izzy is finally getting the love he “deserves” for putting up with ed and being ed’s victim for so long.

and now they got the first half of the dynamic they wanted which is ed being a domestic abuser and izzy being the target of ed’s abuse (i mean, they didn’t actually get it, but they THINK they did) but they had a part two to the dynamic that they didn’t end up getting which is “ed is permanently put in the doghouse” and to them, ed saying “sorry bout your leg” was not NEARLY enough groveling.

and!! ed even got to be happy in the season despite not fixing his relationship w izzy!! bc these fans only think abt any aspect in the show when they’re thinking abt “how can i make this about izzy” so like to them the most important part of any narrative analysis of ed revolves around his relationship with izzy (this is why ed leaving in 1x07 is abt missing izzy and not abt him being unsure of his relationship w stede, why they’ve written metas abt how the chain and run from me are edizzy songs, why there were headcanons that thankfully got squashed pretty quickly they DID exist for a minute abt how ed grew out his hair bc izzy had long hair when they were younger and ed thought it was cool) and they expected the show to write ed this way, too.

and then the worst part (and also the part i've seen izzy stans analyze the LEAST which is in no way a coincidence) is that in izzy's dying words he admits to Fueling Ed's Darkness for his own personal gain. he apologizes for being cruel to ed. and outside of their buzzword phrases about how this was a portrayal of "an abuse victim apologizing to their abuser" i haven't seen anyone from the izzy stan crowd dig into what it actually MEANS and what kind of harm izzy caused by feeding ed's darkness and pushing ed to be blackbeard, like they're acting as if izzy’s literal actual last words have no narrative significance whatsoever. but you’ll notice there are MANY posts from izzy stans abt how horrific the violence ed did to izzy was and how tragic it all is for poor izzy :(

so yeah. the three-hit combo of 1. not enough focus on ed atoning for harming izzy, 2. ed being allowed happiness despite not having properly atoned for harming izzy, and 3. the finale directly saying “izzy did bad things in this relationship, too” are why they fully fucking hate ed now and have abandoned ship to start writing stizzy now. like, we have a few stede and izzy interactions in s2, but for the most part their relationship is a blank enough slate that they can create a whole fully-fleshed out (and, lbr, probably very generic and overused) fanon dynamic out of scraps. but ed was given too much attention from the story outside of just being a vehicle to project izzy’s desires onto and also the source of izzy’s trauma and they can’t reconcile their version of edizzy with what happens in canon. thinking abt edizzy means thinking abt how canon didn’t punish ed enough and how ed got a happy ending when izzy didn’t, even tho in their minds ed is the reason for the majority of izzy’s misery.

sorry lol “it’s actually very simple” i say before depositing five hefty paragraphs into ur inbox

(this is in reference to my tags on this post)

yeah that is a pretty good summation of everything.

tho thinking about it, i do think there's a secret 4th component as to why they're now dropping ed completely and shipping stizzy, which is how stede became more masc this season. i think the show makes it pretty clear the reason for it is that stede thinks he has to become more masculine and violent to get ed back and keep him, but that doesn't really matter to them. the fact remains that stede is now dressing in muted colors and leather, and pulls out his sword on a dime. so now they're more comfortable enjoying him.

[thecleverqueer]

Pure speculation and likely a lot of head canon, but this is how I think everything likely happened between Ahsoka and Sabine…

(While I think the Master/ Padawan relationship was the best complex relationship to explore with Ahsoka since a romance or her own child would be super lame and out of character, it is odd that Filoni chose Sabine. But, part of me thinks that it all either clicked in his head and he assumed we all knew what happened, or he wrongfully thought Fandom could fill in the blanks)

Anyway, here goes:

In my mind, and likely right after the Battle of Lothal, Ahsoka showed up there looking for Ezra as promised to find a broken Sabine trying to hold it together after losing 1/3 of her Ghost Family to death/ disappearance and the other 2/3 to the larger Rebellion. Sabine had made a promise to watch over Lothal, and that was what she was primarily committed to doing. Ahsoka and Sabine likely trauma bonded pretty quickly, and began going on adventures together in Ahsoka’s T-6 shuttle with Huyang (who I think likely joined up with Ahsoka early on in the Rebellion. It is my theory that he was the one that inevitably rescued her from Malachor).

One of their first adventures was likely a failed attempt to find Ezra (this is what I think they were probably doing during a New Hope).

After being unable to find their long lost friend, Ahsoka and Sabine likely helped the Rebellion when necessary, but were probably more likely just helping people or pockets of resistance than fighting the Empire directly. Anakin’s betrayal shattered Ahsoka in many ways, and the politics behind it all likely twisted her stomachs (yeah, togs have two of those). Sabine probably liked this better as well because it reminded her of a simpler time with the Ghost Crew.

They likely met Luke Skywalker for the first time during this time. Hera likely kept in close contact with Sabine, and she told her about the destruction of the first Death Star. And while Ahsoka was likely incredibly reluctant to disclose any details about her fallen Master, Sabine knew his name and Luke’s existence intrigued Ahsoka (albeit probably also weirded her out a bit where she was unwilling to stay around for too long).

All the while, Sabine likely needled Ahsoka to train her as a Jedi. She probably mentioned it often, and dropped it into conversations frequently. Sabine would want to cling to something that reminded her of Kanan and Ezra, having been raised by the former and grown up alongside the latter. Ahsoka probably saw something within Sabine, possibly a force spark. There were teases in Rebels that Sabine had very slight sensitivities to the force (rewatch “The Trials of the Dark Saber” arc and the “Wolves and the Door” / “World between Worlds” arc as reference, and REALLY squint). A reluctant Ahsoka probably thought to herself, “What the hell, right? She’s not THAT force sensitive! It’s not as if her power will damn the galaxy to fall into a sinking hole of darkness if the worst aspects of my dumpster fire of a lineage seep into her by my teachings.”

Ahsoka likely began to impart her wisdom on Sabine, but was not fully committed to it herself. Ahsoka looked at her legacy and saw a wake of death and destruction that shook her to her core. She thought of her time fighting in the Clone Wars being trained more as a warrior than a Jedi (likely the source of her “I’m no Jedi” sentiments; questions and concerns more than a lack of commitment to the ideology or code). She remembered encountering her older self in the cave on Mortis, warning her that the seeds of darkness were planted inside her by her master. It scared her. Also knowing exactly what happened to her master at that point (with the knowledge of Luke’s existence), she likely became even more cold, stoic and detached; fearful that her own attachments to people could make her vulnerable to the temptation of the darkness.

Their adventures continued… but then, the destruction of Mandalore happened.

As soon as Sabine caught wind of this, she flew furiously off of the rails as Sabine does. Sabine was always impulsive and emotional. She wanted to take the Empire on, full-frontal once again. Ahsoka likely contacted Bo-Katan to assess the situation, and to see if there was anything that they could do to help. Bo-Katan told Ahsoka that it was a lost cause, and to protect Sabine at all costs (Ursa’s dying request for maximum pain), one of the few remaining Mandalorians and the last remaining member of Clan Wren. Sabine and Ahsoka fought hard, loudly and contemptuously about this. Ahsoka tried to reason with Sabine, but she wanted to go scorched-Earth. Sabine’s rage panicked Ahsoka. Ahsoka stayed to keep Sabine in check on Lothal until the dust settled, and then Ahsoka left without a word. Sabine thought that it meant that Ahsoka didn’t trust her to do the right thing, or to fight for the right causes. Ahsoka thought if Sabine had any capacity to use the force, this deep-seated anger and her inability to let go could become problematic.

Sabine remained on Lothal to keep her promise to Ezra, broken and downtrodden. With Ahsoka and her family gone, and with Hera, Zeb, and Chopper busy with the New Republic, she felt incredibly alone and refocused her energy on finding her long-lost friend …even though that felt hopeless too.

Ahsoka, also broken and downtrodden, continued to travel alone with Huyang to protect the people in the galaxy; quietly working towards peace and justice, following the Jedi ideology and code, but never truly feeling worthy of the title. When she ran into Din requesting her to take on Grogu as a padawan, not only did it frighten her further, it stung.

Din said, “A Mandalorian and a Jedi? They’ll never see it coming.”

Ahsoka smiled fondly, a deep regret inside her formed as her failure with Sabine marinated, missing Sabine dearly, and she thought, “If you only knew the half of it…”

[bitterrobin]

21, 23, 10 for choose vioelnce

10. worst part of fanon -- see I could go specific on this and say: Tim gets whumped so hard that I barely see anything positive of his canon in fics and everyone else around him are made out to suck, and Jason gets put on a pedestal because he serves as an easy counter to Bruce's philosophy and while thats cool he also gets whumped to hell and back. I could say Dick gets utterly fucked over by other fans because they're so willing to overlook his canon traumas in service of emotional/narrative fodder for their favs and Damian will never get to grow up in fandom's eyes because they still think of him as a spoiled psychopath who should've never been born. I could rant about how female characters don't exist to them because misogyny and a fixation on male trauma and that Bruce is never understood. He's either an unnaturally good and kind father who advocates for therapy and acts like a robot reading a parenting manual OR he's the worst abuser and manipulator, so bad that if a kid says they love him they're actually getting Stockholm'd. But all of these claims fall under the same umbrellas. The truth is the worst part of fanon does this: it obsesses over labels and trauma and the right side of an argument like it'll get their favorite character a good grade in "most traumatized abused child vigilante in DC" AND so actively refuses to engage in the source material that those characters they work so hard for aren't even the comic character anymore. Every time I read a fic or a meta that falls under these, I get really confused. That isn't Tim Drake thats Timely Rake. That isn't Dick Grayson thats Ricky Whitedaughter. That isn't Jason Todd thats Jackson Rod. That isn't Damian Wayne thats literally Damien from The Omen. That isn't Bruce Wayne thats his evil twin Brick Water. Unfortunately theres no fixing it because taste and interpretations are subjective, and I think the entire fandom would go down in flames kicking and screaming before we ever tweak popular fanon ideas to be a little more accurate.

21. part of canon you think is overhyped -- i'm going to get crucified for this but everyone slotting into a perfect family dynamic where everyone loves each other and if anything bad happens, a sibling will fix it for them. I'm not exempt from enjoying fluff fics, its how I got into the actual fic/tumblr side of the fandom, but all of these characters have such a depth of history to them that fluff starts to feel like a disservice imo. Bruce and Dick's relationship can be complicated, they aren't just father and son - they're brothers and best friends and partners and (unhealthily) emotionally depend on each other. Bruce and Jason's relationship can be about the father and son who drift apart and maybe never reconcile, they don't have to be constantly around each other and "forgive" each other when all they do is disagree and thats ok. Bruce and Tim can be a complicated tale of hero worship, mentor/mentee and father and son dynamics because for so long Bruce wasn't Tim's dad and that was fine. Thats what makes it more interesting to explore later when Jack dies and Tim gets adopted. Bruce and Cassandra can be dark mirrors to each other, their dynamic as shown in Batgirl was not entirely wholesome. Bruce has expectations of Cassandra he doesn't have of anyone else because he sees himself in her. (Also Barbara is Cassandra's mother figure not just her older sister). Bruce and Damian can be loving and they can be constantly drifting apart and getting close. Canonically, Bruce had little interest and time in being Damian's father the first years of Damian being a character. Thats ok, and we can explore Damian's feelings with that without cramming Dick into the father slot. Dick doesn't have to be Damian's dad, they can be brothers and partners. All of these people existed in different facets of time and space. They shouldn't all be living under the same roof like the Brady Bunch, its just too much. No one has to fill the father role when Bruce isn't, and Bruce is not a perfect nuclear father either. None of the siblings are perfect children or siblings either. None of them are even normal, and I think rivalries and grudges and hatred and jealousy and clashing parenthoods and perspectives are always more interesting than everyone being cardboard cutouts that spout therapy-speak at the right time.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to -- im not really a shipping type person, tbh. if there are ships I hate because they do a disservice to both characters in that ship (jayroy, jaykory, damijon, damirae) then I'd definitely say I haven't come around to them. I guess I will say I actively hate on damijon less than I used to and come to accept it as an inevitability, but the same cannot be said for specific kinds of damijon fans.

[forgedroyalseal]

His Worst Nightmare

Chapter Eight

Will could only describe the energy of the cabin as chaotic, and not in the fun, lovable way that had followed him around since he was a child. The room was filled with his loved ones screaming at each other, everyone blaming someone else for something. None of them even turned to note his arrival to the scene.

“Why are they yelling?” He whispered to Alyss.

She gives him a sympathetic look that he was all too familiar with being on the receiving end of. A look that she, Jenny, and Cassandra had all apparently learned together. A look that said oh, you poor, clueless boy. “They’re just worried about you Will.”

“I wish they wouldn’t.”

“It’s not really a choice any of us made. It’s just something that happens when people meet someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” He cocks his head and raises an eyebrow.

Alyss flushes and shakes her head, “Someone who’s so hopeless, they need a whole army to keep them out of trouble.”

Will rolls his eyes, and they land on the only other quiet figure, hiding in the shadows.

“Cover for me with the others?” He asks.

Alyss’ furrows her eyebrows in confusion but nods nonetheless, just like he knew she would.

Will slips around the crowd, grateful that the source of his unseen movement wasn’t all stored in his right arm. He comes up beside Halt, who he realized had noticed him the moment he stepped out of his room.

Will offers the stoic, unreadable face a soft smile. “Hey Halt, do you wanna take a walk?”

Halt nods, somewhat hesitantly. Will pulls his cloak off its hook by the door and maneuvers it over his shoulders as they step out of the cabin. They bypass the horses, something Tug is clearly concerned about, but he seems to accept Will’s promise of an apple upon their return. Will limps slowly along, his bruised and weak body unused to the activity He was grateful Halt was gracious enough to half his pace without uttering a word.

They walk in silence for a while before Will breaks it. “I’m not angry. Not at you at least. You do know that right?”

“Will,” Halt sighed his name, which wasn’t uncommon, but the lack of exasperation was, “you have every right to hate me.”

Will stopped and frowned. “I don’t.”

“You flinched. When you woke up and saw me, you flinched away. You were afraid of me, I could see it in your eyes.”

“After what happened Halt,” Will let out a short, rueful laugh, “I’m terrified of my own shadow. You can’t take it personally. I mean, it took days for me to be okay with Horace reaching out toward me. I- I’m a wreak Halt. I go from scared to grateful to furious in a matter of minutes. I feel like I’m coming unraveled. I don’t know how to do this. How to exist in this state of… “ Will gestured to his stump, “incompletion.”

Halt’s heart ached for the boy and his hands itched to just hold him and tell him everything would be alright. And a month ago, he would’ve. But now, there was a ravine between them, and Halt wasn’t sure he had enough rope to get across it.

“I’m not angry at you for doing what you had to do. But,” Will sighs, “I am a little angry at you for leaving me when I needed you the most.”

And if that didn’t make Halt melt with shame, then nothing could. He felt smaller and stupider than he ever had. Because when Will laid it out so simply, Halt could see the blinding truth to his words. He had walked away, he abandoned Will during the absolute worst time of his life.

“Will-“

“Don’t apologize Halt. I get it. You were going through your own trauma. And I know that if I had called, you’d have come running.”

Will’s confidence in him was meant to be reassuring, but Halt’s blood chilled at the words. He tried to push it away, but one thought screamed at him over and over again. That if Will had sent for him, he wasn’t certain he’d have come.

They made their way back to the cabin slowly, but instead of turning up the veranda steps, Will passed them and shuffled to the stables.

“Will, come inside. You need rest.” Halt called after him.

Will waves him off as he reaches the horses. “I won’t be long. I just wanna say hi.” Tug nuzzled into Will’s chest as he stroked his gray mane.

“I missed you too bud. I hope Horace hasn’t been feeding you too many apples. Don’t want you to start liking him more than me.”

Tug lifted his head and gently sniffed at the bandages around Will’s shoulder. “Yeah, somethings missing. But it’s ok, I can ride with one hand no sweat.” It was true, Will knew that riding Tug wouldn’t change all that much. After all, every ranger was trained to be able to ride while shooting arrows. But the thought invited a long list of the things he couldn’t do single handedly, using his bow at the very top. The list seemed endless, and panic rose in his chest. Tug seemed to sense his growing distress and rested his head against Will’s, trying to calm his riders mind. His breathing became rapid and he felt his stomach turn with nausea. A warm and firm hand rested on the back of his neck.

“Deep breaths Will. It’s going to be ok. Just take nice deep breaths.” Halt’s voice rolled over him, like waves on the shore. He did his best to follow the instruction. “That’s it, just like that Will. Good job, keep breathing.” With every reassurance, Will felt the knot in his lungs loosen until eventually he was able to catch his breath again.

“Thanks,” He gasped out, “sometimes all of it just, hits me. I could be in the middle of a bath, or taking a sip of coffee, when sudden, it feels like the world has collapsed and I’m spiraling, and I can’t tell the difference between up and down. Horace is usually the one who has to put up with me when I get like this.”

Halt opens his mouth to speak, but a voice from behind him cuts him off. “It’s not “putting up” with you. Don’t say it like it’s not my greatest honor to be the one you trust enough to let yourself break around.”

Will looks up from Tug, “Horace-“

Horace’s gaze swing to Halt. “I think it’s time you and I have a chat.”

Halt nods and steps forward, “Yes, I believe it is.”

[nikkirimizi]

Last Breath (Bucky/Reader) ♥️

Summary: Bucky wasn't sure what to expect from a first date after months of mindless flirting, but he knew what needed to be done once he learned more about them.

Rating: Teen

First peak is below, due to the type of content!

Tw for mentions of past assault, abuse, and PTSD.

Ideally, this isn’t something you would want to have a conversation about. It’s awkward. Telling another human being why you do things the way you do. The reasons why you act a certain way. To have to explain the flinching, the occasional nightmares, and unbridled fear of being touched? Not something any of us ever want to deal with.

But when they brought up the conversation, crammed in a small corner booth of a random coffee shop, the dim lighting couldn’t hide from the looks that cascaded into different emotions. They tried their best to get through more or less of the worst experiences, with the least amount of emotion as every word trickled into a steady stream of trauma, spanning the last few years.

Bucky's eyes widened with the stories told, a sense of sympathy emanating from his guarded stature. Not only did he not expect the amount of their horrifying experiences to be recalled with such accuracy, but the way in which they left their mouth, a numbness that could not be replicated.

And suddenly, the drinks in front of the two of them didn’t seem to exist anymore.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56981824

Hey everyone.

So this is where I get a little more personal than usual. Not many of you know this but I have quite the bad history when it comes to abuse. I've seen and been through enough, and have been lucky to pull myself out of the hole it had put me in for years. It took a lot, but I like to think I made it out.

The next few fanfics I'll be posting are from that era. From when I needed support and didn't know where to turn to, so I turned to my emotional favorites. In return, I decided to put these out, for those who see themself in my work, and put out some links for support resources. Maybe I would've struggled less had I reached out. I hope this list helps, even if just one person. That would be enough for me to deem this worthy.

Thank you for reading and here are some resources for sexual related trauma as well as abuse in general:

National Domestic Violence Hotline - (800) 799-7233 or Text BEGIN to 88788

RAINN - https://www.rainn.org/ - 1 800-656-4673

VA - https://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/ptsd/next-step.asp

If anyone has any reputable sources they would like to add, please let me know! And ultimately, stay safe. 💖

[caffeine-n-andreneline]

SnV Qin Shi Huang || Ying Zheng/Fem!Reader

Warnings: First fic lol, historical inaccuracies, typical cannon violence, a kid with trauma and a wannabe therapist, Soulmate AU, slowburn(?), Warring States period-ish, JJK cross over kinda-ish, baby qin needs a hug, internalized misogyny.

Later that day, the diplomat's daughter decided to return to her chambers, and halfway through–encountered her ever so obnoxious older and only sibling. Michizane Satoru, the heir to the Michizane household.

Older by five years, the younger Michizanes' height barely reaches his staggering shoulders. This man child was an exact carbon copy of the patriarch. Although his childishness amplified tenfold.

You see, the girl has taken after her mostly after her mothers demeanor, cold, clinical and blunt–others also see her arrogant. Unlike his father whose appearance alone stood out like a sore thumb, may he be emphatic and literate, but he usually let pacifistic and people pleasing tendencies ahead of him as well.

Satoru was a cesspool, the worst combination of both, in her opinion.

"So, you've got an eye for a boy." The lanky teenager appeared from behind and leaned to her ear, causing her to turn her head from the source of his voice.

She continues to walk, making it seem like he didn't exist. As she does, Satoru begins blabbering words out of his mouth. Quickly catching up to the younger girl.

"Hey now, don't ignore me! I'll tell father you didn't bring me along while you're sneaking around!"

"It's not the fault of mine you slacked off and let me slip away." He was silent for a few seconds, unable to rebut and finally relenting to his defeat.

"I err–jeez fine. I see you've already taken care of that. But still, it's dangerous for you to be alone."

"I can defend myself quite alright, thank you very much." The younger Michizane sarcastically retorted back. While the older one playfully clutched a fist on his chest, in mock hurt.

"Ouch, Then what's the point of me being here then?"

"I question the same thing. How about we ask father once he's done with their meeting."

Soon enough, they stopped with their bickering. Thanks to her memory, unlike her brothers', they've arrived at their designated rooms quicker than expected. She entered hers, and much to her dismay, so did the other. She sighed under her breath, certain there is no escaping the blabbermouth.

She prepared a few stacks of paper along the compact ink powder and brushes she had bought along with her. Placing those to the round table in the middle of the room, the lanky man child plopped to her bed, and shut his eyes.

Now she had all the things she needed to start writing, and so wasted no time. It was a miracle for her that the brother of hers stopped his superficial chatter. Or so she thought.

"Seriously, pipsqueak, you're acting strange today. Don't you dare lie, I know that look on your face." He asked out of nowhere, luring his younger sibling to a prattle. And although wearing a bandage, her eyes twitched in annoyance.

"I'm afraid I don't understand what you're implying."

"Sure sure, whatever." He absentmindedly added.

It didn't take long for him to ask her again.

"What does he look like?" He arose from her bed, and trudged towards the table where she currently scribbled, tossing away the fact that she clearly didn't want to be disturbed yet he still did, anyway.

"Who?" She halted from writing, tilting her head. In Satoru's perspective, he could barely make out one or two characters from what she was writing. He's never been the one who has the passion for linguistics and leaning more towards mastering the arts of jujutsu.

"Don't play coy with me kid." His mouth curved onto a smirk, knowing full well he wouldn't leave her unless he was satisfied with her answers and knew the whole story. She could only sigh.

Poor girl. This was going to be a long day.

She couldn't lie to herself, however. It's no denying she finds him a little curious, and truly she got her eyes on him.

The sun had already fallen when Satoru decided to leave. And I am yet to be done. Usually before going to sleep, I've made the habit of writing about my day, where on each page, I write in a certain dialect, then another language in the next.

The wind was cold, the light from the lantern emanating the room, allowing me to jot down in the dark.

A gentle knock from the door drew my attention.

"May I come in?" I knew this voice quite well. Well at the least this time he was courteous enough to actually knock.

"Yes–you may, father."

He quietly slid the door, my eyes darting away to meet his gaze.

I see him holding a tray of porcelain tea cups, and a pot of what I assume is boiling water.

"What brings you here?" I said, reverting my attention to the papers. I could hear the light clinking of the tableware against the wooden table, as he made himself at home and sat beside me to take a peek at my work.

"Am I not allowed to visit my daughter, hm?" He said, placing his elbows to the table and his head above the back of his hands, tilting it slightly.

I close my eyes in expharation. My social battery drained. I'm not sure if I could deal with another white haired Michizane to a mindless chatter.

"If you're going to ask about–"

"Oh no, no. I'm not going to ask about that." Taking a handful of dried tea leaves, he started to brew a cup of tea. Though I didn't pay much attention to it, after a minute of meditative silence which only consisted of the sound the porcelain makes as it collides with another of the same material.

The calming and sweet aroma of the tea crept to my nose. It smells heavenly, I must admit.

My father slides the hot cup of fresh newly brewed tea beside my paper, although not that close where I could possibly spill it over when tapped.

"So how was your day?"

"Quite alright, I suppose."

"Your brother can be quite a lot to handle, isn't he?" He said, then taking a small sip of the tea.

"So why bring him along? It's starting to look like I'm the one to attend to him instead of him attending to me." I scoffed incredulously, still focused on the task at hand. But still I told no lies, my older brother is a child at heart, and could only be tamed with sugar.

There was a short pause and so I took that chance, to take a sip, the faint taste of something sweet embracing my tongue and filling my throat with warmth.

"Unlike you, he doesn't take his future seriously. I need him to see for himself what may be his standing a decade from now once I have stepped down upon my duties." He answered, swirling his already half empty tea cup, a habit I noticed he had picked up when he and his fellow vassals drank sake to their hearts fill.

"But have you asked him if that is what he wants?"

His eyes slowly land to mine, seemingly to contemplate something.

"No, not yet." He shook his head.

"Then I suppose you should. And once he has told you he holds no interest in such, I think it would be best for you and mother should start planning for another hei–" I suggested, but is interrupted with his coughs, eventually turning into a fit of giggles.

"Alright, alright, I hear you sunshine." Laughter gradually fading, he drank the last drop of the tea.

"It matters not to me if the Michizane is led by a woman." He added.

"Are you implying for me to take the seat?"

"Why not? What a functional community needs is someone who is capable, smart, responsible and assertive. You clearly display those traits."

"But I am a woman."

"And?" His eyes rose, expecting me an answer…an answer that I can't give justification to, for some reason. It took me for a while to come up with a decent refutation.

".....It will look strange upon their eyes. A woman has never led within their household, let alone an entire community. That's nothing more than a pipe dream." It is true, no man would listen to a woman, never they will respect one's authority merely because we are nothing but child bearers to their perspective. It makes me truly wonder how my father came to exist.

He who views his lover his equal. I am fortunate to have him as a father, but I hate him for fueling a fruitless dream would only leave me in vain.

"Then how about we make it into reality?" I scoff. Where does he come up to even think of such things?

"That's absurd. Are you sure you have not drank half seas over?" I leaned to his arm, sniffing the fabric of his garb.

Concern is what was written on his face, as he did the same, but with the vacant sleeves of his other hand.

"Do I smell like it?"

He didn't smell anything, much to my not-so-disappointment. Because it could only mean he genuinely means what he had proclaimed.

"No."

"Then there's your answer."

It makes me feel at ease for my father to acknowledge my abilities alone, but for him to entrust the future of the Michizane upon my hands?

Never had I thought of such.

"If your brother refuses, then I'll make you Yamato's first female daimyo." He added, patting my head, before deciding to garner up the mess on the table as both of us were done drinking the warm beverage.

".....If that's what suits you." I said, before he proceeded to stand up and leave my room.

"I reckon we should retire. It's been a long day for all of us." Nodding, he excused himself, but before he could,

"If–if you do not mind, father, could you sleep by my side?" I blurt in the heat of the moment. Fear coursed through my veins. The fear of sleeping alone in a room I am not familiar with overpowering my reasoning.

"You didn't have to ask, kid. I'll return this for a minute and while I do, you should tidy up, alright?" Offering me a genuine smile, I let my tensed shoulders relax.

"Yes." Without question, I did what he had told me to do.

I lay on one side of the bed, my eyes focused on the ceilings. It all consists of gray. The amount of gray, or red with my colourblind lens, I've sighted today may rival the gray I have seen throughout my entire life. I guess this is their signature colour. It's not overwhelming per se, but over time I feel like I'm starting to get tired of it all.

Father announced his return with the cautious and agonizingly slow sliding of the door. Traveling to the empty vacant side of the bed, he laid down to the side, turning his body to face me. I copied him, mirroring my ocean eyes in his.

"Goodnight." I whispered, and shut my eyes to slumber.

"Sweet dreams, moonlight." Everything was starting to go faint, but I still did hear it, my consciousness slowly drifting onto black. The gentle repetitive taps on my shoulders akin to something nostalgic, the calm beating of something as I curled, snuggling to the warmth. Allowing the realm of dreams tonight to engulf me into slumber.

That very same evening, a boy with a pair of eyes dyed in blood red cries himself alone to sleep. Missing the embrace of she who made his life less bleak.

Notes: Ok, I was supposed to be updating every 10 days, midterms just rlly fcked me up lol.

Anyways, this was supposed to be just some fluffy chapter but when I was nearby just the end of it, Somebody to Stay in my shuffle started playing and like gave me so much baby qin feels so I said f*ck it why not. My duality be showing lol. I'm so sorry.

And originally, I planned on having Yuuta Okkotsu to be the one who's supposed to be with Y/n, but I thought their interactions sounded too bland. So I switched it up with Satoru and so sassy sibling slander ensues.

I also love me some supportive dilf. Plays daddy issues*

[whump-card]

Sunless Lives Part 19: I Can’t Tell You

~1510 words

CW: Carewhumper, discussed noncon, threatened noncon, noncon touch, panic, manipulation, conditioning, forced confession of trauma, use of the word rape and gangrape

First, Previous, Next, Masterlist

~~~

There was one vampire from his past that Simon couldn’t talk about. Matthew only knew he existed because of Simon’s tendency to almost talk about him. They’d be curled up under the sheets together, in Simon’s safe space, as he talked about the horrors he’d experienced, and he’d say something like “She wasn’t as bad as…” or “He wasn’t the worst, that was…” And then he’d stop, wringing his hands the way he did when he had pent-up feelings. Matthew could tell he wanted to talk about it, but couldn’t yet. It was too difficult. Too painful.

After all, ‘he’ was the one he’d killed Lara over.

Matthew was patient for the first couple of months. Simon would tell him, he thought, in his own time. But as winter settled in and they went out less and less, Simon’s stories were becoming Matthew's main source of entertainment - and they were also becoming fewer and further between.

Matthew needed to know about this mystery vampire. The stories Simon told him were what he thought about when they fucked. It got him off, knowing about the pain Simon had endured, and was still enduring. It made it easier to not hurt Simon himself. Because he wanted to - oh, how he wanted to. Simon was so pretty when he cried. The stories were an adequate replacement, for now. But the mystery vampire was so enticing. If this one vampire was worse than all the rest, was so bad Simon had killed the woman he loved to avoid seeing him again, whatever he did to Simon must have been unspeakable.

Matthew had to know, before he started testing his theories himself.

He lay with his head propped up on one arm, watching Simon sleep next to him. The human was curled up on his side facing Matthew, one arm under his pillow and the other reached out towards the vampire. Matthew took up his hand, running his thumb over Simon’ knuckles. Simon’s mouth twitched upwards and his eyes slowly opened.

“Good morning,” said Matthew. In reality it was evening, but Simon liked to play house like that.

“Hey.” Simon’s voice was gravelly from sleep, and he smiled up at Matthew. “What’s up?”

“Just thinking,” Matthew replied.

“What about?” Simon scooted a little closer to him, turning his hand to lace his fingers with Matthew’s.

“The vampire that made you kill Lara,” Matthew said softly, “What did he do to you?” He wasn’t in the mood to waste any time.

Simon stilled.

“Don’t you think you’ll feel better if you talk about it?” Matthew gently encouraged. He wanted Simon to do it willingly. That would be easier.

Simon disentangled his hand from Matthew’s and pulled the covers up tightly around himself.

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

Matthew tugged the covers back to look at his human’s face.

“Simon… I want you to tell me.” He needed to be delicate here. But he was so impatient.

Simon frowned up at him - not truly annoyed yet, just confused.

“What for?”

“I just think it would be cathartic. For you.”

Simon rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, taking a breath.

“You’re probably right, but… I just can’t. Not yet.”

“You know it might never feel like the right time. Maybe you should just get it over with.”

“Maybe…” Simon suddenly huffed and kicked the covers off. “I don’t know, I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

Matthew pressed down on Simon’s shoulder, preventing him from getting up.

“You don’t have to be detailed,” he said, doing his best to sound soothing, “Just tell me the basics. Get it out of your system.”

“No.” Simon didn’t push away Matthew’s hand, but his voice was firm. “I don’t want to.”

Matthew had had enough. He sat up and swung a leg over Simon, straddling his thighs.

“Where did he bite you?” He pushed up Simon’s shirt, revealing his scars.

“Hey!” Simon yelped, “Not cool!” He grabbed Matthew’s wrist to push it away, but Matthew didn’t budge. Instead he started feeling up Simon’s stomach with his other hand, caressing over the bite scars.

“Just tell me,” Matthew wheedled, “What did he do? Did he bite you up here?” his hand slid under the shirt to Simon’s shoulder, “Or…” it traveled down and dipped under the waistband of Simon’s sweatpants.

“Matthew, stop.” Simon’s voice rose, and he stared at Matthew with wide eyes. Matthew sighed. He’d pushed a little too hard. Too late now.

“I just need to know,” he leaned forward, bringing his face closer to Simon’s, “What did he do? I mean, I know he fed from you and raped you, they all did,” he couldn’t keep an anticipatory smile off of his face, “But what did he do that was so different? So awful?”

Simon stared at him, slack-jawed. He shook his head.

“Matthew I don’t like this, you need to stop,” he said, his voice high and wobbling, music to Matthew’s ears.

“Just tell me,” Matthew whispered.

Simon shook his head harder, and with renewed vigor he shoved Matthew’s shoulders.

“Get off of me!” he demanded. In response Matthew grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the mattress. The move made Simon freeze, and start to breathe hard.

“Matthew?” he whimpered. Matthew loomed over him, his own breath rising. Simon was beautiful when he was terrified. Tears were gathering in his eyes and his legs twitched under the vampire’s weight. Matthew couldn’t believe he’d waited this long to properly scare him.

“Don’t worry,” Matthew soothed, “I’m not going to hurt you. I just need you to tell me,” he squeezed Simon’s wrists tighter, “Tell me what happened.”

“Okay!” Simon relented, “Okay, I’ll tell you!” He stopped there, gasping for air and sniffling.

“Go on,” Matthew said, giving his wrists another press.

“He, he, his name was Davis Bowers.” Tears leaked out of Simon’s eyes and he spoke around stifled sobs. “He, um…” Simon’s eyes darted around frantically and his chest heaved.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Matthew dipped down and kissed Simon on his trembling lips. “It’s okay, I’m right here with you. Keep going.”

“He - he never touched me himself. He rented me for an initiation.” Simon was looking anywhere but at Matthew.

“So a bunch of new vampires fed from you at once?” Matthew guessed.

“...No, no, it wasn’t…” Simon twisted his head to the side. “Matthew, I don't want to talk about this!”

“I need to know, Simon. So that I can protect you.”

“Protect me?” Simon cast Matthew a glance, hesitant. This was Matthew’s in. Simon would believe any excuse he offered - he didn’t have any other choice.

“Yes,” Matthew reassured him, “What if he takes you from me and I don’t know what to look for? So you have to tell me.” He gave Simon’s wrists a little squeeze, enjoying the rapid pulse fluttering under his fingertips.

Simon screwed his eyes shut.

“It was a test, they - they had to prove they had self control. That they could… be with a human without biting them.”

“You were gangraped,” Matthew interpreted, barely quelling his excitement.

A heaving sob escaped Simon. He had never used to word ‘rape’ to describe any of what heppened to him, and now here Matthew was, shoving it his face.

“How many,” Matthew demanded.

“I don’t know!” Simon cried, “I don’t know, Matthew, please!” His eyes opened and met Matthew’s. Matthew grinned, drinking in the suffering.

“This is for your own good, you have to tell me.”

Simon nodded rapidly.

“I know, I know, I’m trying -”

“Did more than one take you at once?”

Simon’s breath hitched.

“Y-yes.”

“Did it hurt?” Matthew leaned in closer.

Simon nodded, biting his lip.

“How long did it take?”

Simon shook his head.

“I can’t, please, I can’t -”

“Shhhh.” Matthew kissed him again. “That’s okay, you did so good, you did so good telling me.” Unable to resist any longer, he rolled his hips and ground against Simon, eliciting a whimper of terror from the human.

“Matthew, please, please don’t!”

“It’s okay,” Matthew breathed into his ear, “I’ll never hurt you like that.” He pulled back to look Simon in the eye. “Do you understand? I protect you from those monsters. If I ever meet this Bowers guy, he’s dead, and so is anyone he ever sired. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll never hurt you. I’m the only one who will never hurt you like that. Do you understand?”

Simon nodded obediently.

“I know, you keep me safe, I know!” he gasped.

Matthew released Simon’s wrists. His touch left behind raw red marks but Simon didn’t seem to care. He flung his arms around Matthew's neck and pulled him close.

“It’s true, you’re the only one Matthew, you’re the only one who…” His words disappeared into weeping as he clung onto Matthew for dear life.

A “good boy” danced on the tip of Matthew’s tongue, but he knew that would be a step too far. He had Simon exactly where he wanted him, after all. Needy. Lonely. Broken.

He’d never lose him now.

~~~

First, Previous, Next, Masterlist

Taglist: @flowersarefreetherapy, @pigeonwhumps, @sunshiline-writes, @seasaltandcopper

[incendio22]

FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL

Pt 2 Chapter 28: The Calm Before The Storm

Sebastian's POV

Waking up next to Y/n is the best thing I know in the entire world. Out of all the good things that exist in this world, this might just be the very best one. She's still lying on my chest, the way we fell asleep last night, and while my back is reminding me of my recent trauma, I choose to ignore it for just a little while to look at her. Her breathing is heavy and she looks so innocent when she's asleep, that there's nothing in the world worrying her. But of course I know that's not true. I always thought that I had been through the worst things someone could go through and that might be true, but I know that she's carrying more than anyone should ever have to.

There's something in me that's desperate to protect her, to save her. Maybe it's because she once did that for me. But I know she doesn't want, nor need, to be saved. What she needs is someone to help her out, to be there for her and to hold her together when she's falling apart. I do all of that gladly, but I sometimes worry that I'm not enough. That I someday won't be able to do all that for her and the thought haunts me. But when I'm looking at her now. Her messy hair, the freckles on her cheeks and the curve of her nose I feel nothing but happiness. Happy over the fact that I kept my heart open to her, even in times when she wasn't very gentle with it. Because I continued to fight because I knew there was more to us than kissing on astronomy tables and long night talks in the Undercroft.

I carefully put her to the side, placing a pillow under her head so she can sleep a little bit longer and place a soft kiss on her cheek before removing a strand of hair from her face. I get the sudden urge to write, so I head over to the neatly decorated desk. The only things on it are parchment and a quill. That's all I need, since my biggest source of inspiration is lying right in front of me. I had always loved art and literature ever since I was a child. It was something that brought me peace and when I learned to write I knew I wanted to become a writer. It's something so human about art. The fact that we don't create it for our survival or because we really need it, but simply for our own pleasure.

But my inspiration is interrupted by the fact that my back is causing me to feel extreme pain. I had been hesitant to show Y/n the wound since it stretched from my neck to my lower back. Not because I think she wouldn't love me because of it, but rather because she might pity me. And nothing makes me feel smaller than when I'm being pitied.

She soon wakes up and I walk over to her, sitting down on the sofa next to her.

''Good morning, darling,'' I say in a soft voice and place a kiss on the tip of her nose.

''Hi,'' she says in a sleepy voice.

''You slept well?'' I ask her and lay down next to her, holding her firmly.

''Mhm,'' she says and moves closer to me, her back against my chest and our legs pressed together.

There's nothing I love more than being close to her. I feel as if I get drunk by the taste of her skin, by her touch and her scent. It all seems like a gentle reminder that she really is the best thing to have ever happened to me. When she told me about her visit to Paris, my first instinct was to read about the city in desperate search of finding pieces of her in it. And she is the first person who I can imagine forever with, which is why I will do whatever it takes to make sure we get that.

I spend the day with Ominis in the library, studying for the N.E.W.T.s. Neither of us have a clue what we want to do once we're out of Hogwarts. Of course, I want to write. But I don't feel confident enough yet to rely on it as a solid career. Maybe it's best to find a proper job, just to write in my freetime. At least for starters.

''This is hopeless,'' I complain to Ominis, who is studying hard.

''Stop complaining and try to study,'' he says seriously.

''I've tried,'' I articulate.

''Well, try harder,'' Ominis suggests.

I sigh out loud, feeling rather frustrated at this point. It feels hopeless studying for something that I don't even need to fulfil my dreams, but I know it's a must if I'm going to create a good life for me and Y/n.

''Can't we just talk about something else for just five minutes?'' I ask pleadingly.

''Fine,'' Ominis says firmly, sounding slightly irritated. ''What's on your mind?''

''How about you tell me what's on yours?'' I ask, knowing that Ominis has a tendency to bottle up his feelings and thoughts.

''This isn't where I expected this to go,'' he says, sounding bitten together. ''But I'm alright. I'm just worried about Imelda, still.''

''Go on,'' I encourage him.

Ominis leans closer to me.

''She's not doing good,'' he says in a low voice. ''Did you know she took liquid luck before the quidditch game?''

''Oh, Merlin,'' I burst out in a low voice. I had no idea it was this bad.

''Mhm,'' Ominis agrees. ''I try to be there for her and I know Y/n is too, but she's refusing to accept any sort of help. I feel completely helpless.''

''I can't even imagine what that must be like,'' I say in a compassionate voice. ''I'm so sorry, Ominis.''

''How do you get Y/n to talk about the difficult stuff?'' he asks curiously, still in a low voice.

Now that I think about it, neither of us have really had to go through what Ominis goes through. The closest call being me when I was in a bad place, avoiding her. But that doesn't really feel applicable to our relationship any longer. But that doesn't feel very helpful to Ominis, so I choose to go with the examples from when we weren't as steady.

''Well, I've mostly had to beg for her forgiveness,'' I explain in a low voice. ''But when I needed her, she always let me know that she was there for me. Even when I didn't want to talk, she would always sit with me and be there for me. People can help without saying a single word.''

''Hm,'' Ominis makes a low noise. ''That does make sense, I suppose. But it just kills me to know that she has so many things going on inside her head and refuse to let them out.''

''I know,'' I say sympathetically. ''But you can't force her to talk, so it's better just to show your support.''

During the afternoon the sun starts shining through the window of the library, reminding us that spring is around the corner. Normally the first time I can sense that spring is near I'm filled with hope and joy, but this time I feel dread and fear. Despite the bright sun telling us that it will all be okay, I feel that the worst is yet to come.

Living in fear is worse than living in pain. Because most times you can track down the source of the pain, but with fear there's really nothing you can do except accepting its presence. I notice Y/n sitting in front of the window facing the Black Lake, looking completely sunk into her thoughts.

''If it isn't my favourite girl,'' I tell her as I kiss her cheek before I sit down next to her.

''Hi, darling,'' she says back and gives me a smile.

''Finding any mermaids?'' I say jokingly, trying to lighten my own mood. Of course it's instantly lightened by Y/n's presence, but I sense things are off with her too.

''I wish,'' she says and tilts her head. ''You know, I spent countless hours sitting here but I never saw anything mermaid-like and it always disappoints me.''

''That's fair,'' I tell her and put my arm around her, pulling her closer. ''In our next lives, we can be mermaids together.''

Her face lights up and she looks at me with a smile.

''Don't be silly,'' she says, holding back a laugh. But I want nothing more than to hear her laugh.

''In all honesty, I could be any creature if I got to be with you,'' I tell her with a smirk. ''Anything except maybe a toad or something like that.''

''That would be a sight,'' she finally laughs. ''You like a toad. Not sure I'd like it.''

''Oh you would,'' I tell her daringly. ''I'd make you like me.''

''Hmm,'' she hesitates and tilts her head. ''I'm not convinced.''

''Oh, don't be like that, darling,'' I say and pull her closer, covering her face in kisses.

She's giggling the entire time and I feel my stomach flutter as I feel her smile with my lips. Her laugh and her smile could cure the world from any disease. And in that very moment, I feel hope for the future. That feeling combined with the pictures in my mind of us living together and having a real life together convinces me that there are no other options for me. And I will do anything to make it come true.

[m1d-45]

i’m having shining nikki sagau thoughts everybody beware. so first of all like i remembered that elves canonically exist in miraland (idk if we ever mentioned this before) and there’s elves or at least elf-like creatures in teyvat…… i’m connecting the dots (<- they’re not connecting shit)

second of all. the new skins. “sailwind shadow” and “blossoming starlight” are SUCH designer’s reflection names like if i opened up shining nikki and saw those there they wouldn’t even be out of place. idk about everyone else but i think it would be cute if sailwind shadow was bandit. i have more to say but i need time to put my thoughts in Order - teddy anon

shining nikki!!

honestly despite red being in my head on and off, i didn’t even CONSIDER sailwind shadow and that is a tragedy. i have his skin but didn’t do the quest relating to it yet (it’s a costume he wears for a play right?) but the entire thing with this event. god he’s so perfect.

blossoming starlight is probably just klee but higher energy and less fear, and while i don’t doubt the power of klee dps i do doubt your conscience allowing you to bring a child into battle, double so after red split. she’s just. a little girl. so we move on.

sailwind shadow. i’ll choose to interpret him as a mix of the dagger bandit and kaeya himself, which makes for a fun little guy in my opinion. always trying to sneak you off to somewhere “more interesting than sitting around all day, no?” and thinks that the others are being far too uptight. does he understand the gravity of the hunt? absolutely. but whereas red (and the two archons) want to keep you safe in the cave you’ve made home, he’d much rather whisk you away down a path in the forest.

less for combat, i’d imagine, leaving that to nikki and the others. has quite a few stories to tell, most made up but some gathered from his weak memory. dislikes kaeya, but less so than red, surprisingly. he seems to view him as having no other choice, that he’s “already conflicted enough without that fake touting him about as their sword.” he views kaeya with more pity than anything else.

he and red have a.. strange relationship. at their cores, they are diluc and kaeya, but that affection is hidden beneath the several layers of trauma painted over. they both worry for the other in their own ways—he checks red for injuries from afar when you all regroup after a fight, and red makes sure to make chicken mushroom skewers when he’s having a bad day—but it’s still a tough trial. it’ll probably go quicker than diluc and kaeya, but you’ll have to wait a while before they connect properly.

in his early stages, he’s not all that dissimilar from red. clingy and always hesitant to leave, but does do more to try and keep your attention on him. he’s kaeya at his core and the costume is from a play, so he’s got quite a few tricks up his sleeve to prolong his stay.

(these tricks commonly include starting to tell you a story only to reveal that the ‘ancient artifact’ is one of fischl’s arrows, or red’s rings. your laughter is enough to keep him stealing them back—anything to be the source of that shine in your eyes.)

less prone to violence than red, and definitely safer to take out in public after everything’s over. at worst, he’ll make a passing comment, but is too worried about his image. what if you see him sneer, or if the other person sees and tells you? no no no, it’s far safer to just pull you away again, even if he has to lie as to why. you’ll understand if the crowds are getting to him, or if he feels trapped indoors, right? you were meant to be amongst nature anyway, so if anything he’s just doing you a favor, surely.

(he doesn’t often leave your side as you sleep, but he did see red in the middle of.. taking care of some things once. while he prefers to keep his hands clean—it’s awfully hard to lie to you, and he doesn’t think he could stay quiet if you asked—he doesn’t look down on red’s choice of problem solving. he recognizes the person beneath his boot anyway, hands slightly twitching at the memory from earlier today. when the two of them return to camp by morning, he lets red do most of the talking, only adding in the small half truth of “just having some fun” when prompted. he did his best to wipe his sword clean of any unsavory stains, but does keep it safely in it’s sheath whenever you’re around.)

however, just because he’s less violent than red doesn’t mean the source of said violence went away. he still gets jealous, and if he finds his theatrics don’t make you laugh as much as they used to, he‘ll begin to panic. are you growing bored with him? are his stories getting predictable? do you look down on him for running away with hunters with you instead of staying like the others do? he promises he’s not just dead weight! please, what does he have to do? do you want him to be more like barbatos? he can’t quite help you fly like he can, but he can try to pick up a bow! do you like red more? he’d really rather not get blood on his outfit, but anything for you. anything, anything at all… just keep your attention on him for a little longer. please?

[system-of-a-feather]

I think I'm starting to get it a bit - where I fall into the system.

Riku can survive and flourish in the worst of situations, they're unbelievably resilient and stupendously optimistic and a source of hope, faith, and direction. They're invulnerable - even if you destroy them, functionably, the system will always step in and have a number of smaller parts we don't share on her to reinstate that invulnerable resilience and optimism. It's a priority. You can't take Riku off their feet.

XIV can dominate and breakdown the hells to operate in his name and get him what he needs and wants. He doesn't loose because loosing is fundamentally a concept he can't comprehend. If he would die before he looses and he has such an instinctually strong survival instinct. As long as he is alive, he will break down anything in the way of his vision. He is invulnerable - if he wants something there is nothing you can do to get in his way. If you do, if you manage to 'beat him' he will split and eat that shit back up as soon as he sees that he lost a match. He'll come back 10x stronger and take the win right bakc up. You can't declaw and defang XIV.

They're invulnerable parts - whether they like it or not - their nature as parts are functionally made to be invulnerable

And that is where you get a huge issue with our system. While it is pervasive in all parts, our system is structured around two parts heavily dissociated and functionably so cut off from being genuinely and wholely vulnerable. Even when they are, it is "but a stage in the journey" or only internally to one another.

I'm not smart enough, aggressive enough, or have enough piss and vinegar to do what XIV does - besides, I wouldn't need to. XIV is right there,

I'm just too much of an upset, hurt, and angry part to do what Riku does, I'm a negative nancy simple as that. I obviously can't be Riku, that's a given. (and also I don't think anyone in this system other than Riku can be Riku)

The thing that both of them don't have though that I think I could do with some reflection is that I can be vulnerable. I'm not this amazing or ridiculously specialized part. I'm split as what a very hurt, self hating, and exhausted part thought was the "monster" they were stuck being and I think its a ridiculous thing in hindsight, because I'm REALLY not a monster at all.

But my existence is founded on hurt, self loathing, fatigue, exhaustion, and weakness. I operate in a similar way to XIV as Data tried to cope with his shit by borrowing from those around him and instinctually, I want to hate everything around me that breathes. I want to hate everything that has played into the situation Data!old had gotten themselves trapped in before splitting. I want to avoid everything and isolate because everything is a disappointment to me.

I have no reason to be nice and open to the world. I come from garbage and hurt, I don't owe it to anything or anyone - but thats the thing. I think Data!old deserved a lot better. I think Data!old deserves better. I could sit comfortably by and live in the shit ending I was split off and be comfortable saying I am done, but that would be me accepting that Data got fucked over by the world.

This brain and my trauma and my symptoms tell me to not talk to anyone, don't give anyone expectations you are anything more than who you are - if you are nice, theyll expect you to be nice and theyll punish you when you are normal. I should stick to myself and everyone else is a waste of time and space and get in the way.

But that's how we got here, and if there is anything I got from splitting from Data!old, it is the ability to talk about things without getting shut down. I was given the gift to be able to do the exact opposite of what I'm 'supposed' to do. I was given the ability to CHOOSE to engage in the world against what my history has told me.

I know vulnerability, I know weakness, I know hurt, I know self hate, I know pain. All of that is the root of why I am instinctually misanthropic - people have hurt us a lot, and it has gone unacknowledged because we are run by two massive beasts of invulnerability.

No one has given that hurt a voice and I think thats where I come in. I am prone to anger and aggression, I am prone to envy and jealousy and wanting to get revenge - but I'm not XIV, I'd rather just have peace by myself and disengage than to actually express that. I don't have that drive for chaos and crisis, I already have enough. I'm not interested. I don't have that high energy / activation energy and that is actually my strength in relation to XIV. It's very easy for me to just deal with those lower valence negative emotions without it getting converted to anger / aggression or without me getting consumed by or anger / aggression.

I can look at my anger, and acknowledge it, and make a choice. Usually I leave, I remove the body from stimuli and isolate away from people, but an alternative choice I could make is to take that and give in a microphone.

There is no point is pulling XIV and Riku into learning vulnerability directly; not only is that an uphill battle but it might shatter some of their strength.

I think I am here to be vulnerable by choice - a conscious and consenting CHOICE to give people the chance to hear our hurt, our vulnerability, and to respond. Talking is a gift, an active decision, to those close to me, and should they abuse that gift and trust, then they will simply get me back to my root - ignored and cut off from us.

XIV taught the system that there is no evil part - that all parts deserve a space regardless of how they are and that we have to radically accept all parts. He taught us radical acceptance and internal vulnerability.

I guess what I have to do is teach that being vulnerable doesn't inherently have to mean being at the whim of another person - you can simultaneously hold a sense of control and hold boundaries while ALSO acknowledging that needs and wounds are present.

[yuukei-yikes]

do you have any playlist or character thoughts for "song to go insane to" by elliotly? it reminds me of some of the relationship dynamics on this blog (particularly shintaro i think???) but i can't put my finger on what

HMMM well its lyrics seem too romantic to me for it to be shinene. others could be shinaya or kanoshin (shintaro always being the one in common💔yeah)

since it's kind of about losing who you are to the love u have for someone else or to the feeling of this person needing you, it does seem like shinene at first thought, but idk. it feels too romantic and it also sounds like the person singing is being protected by their partner? which doesn't fit a lot because ene doesn't necessarily "protect" shintaro, i think she... looks out for him. like there is something there that may fit but the Vibe is different. it's not shinene

not to mention by the end of the song it sounds like the character has done Atrocious Things. to be honest. and dont kill me for this. it reminded me of komahina from danganronpa. SORRY!!!!! SORRY.

anyways i think it fits shintaro and ayaki.

ayano's life is then tied to shintaro's (ok everyone's lives are but this ayano specifically is LIVING as one with shintaro) and the line implying the partner forgets the singer likeeee aughh i love shinyaki's (is that the name?) thing about "I'll wait until you remember me again" like. hehe.

in a lot of ways what keeps ayaki human is her love and that's also why she does everything she does... she was motivated by it and her continued existence comes from that love but she is still "cursed" to never partake in it again because there will be other ayanos to fill the role in the real world and there will be 1 ayano to live what ayaki fights for, it will never be her her.

ayaki is caused by love but she can never be loved back again. except by.... well, shintaro!!!!! and wouldn't it be so much easier for her if shintaro didn't insist to keep treating her as ayano? due to ayano's self hate i think as retaining eyes she insists she is just that, retaining, not ayano anymore. but shintaro doesn't agree with that and she doesn't have many arguments whenever they talk about it. and that's the thing, talking about it. talking. shintaro is her companion, shintaro is sort of.... her now. or rather, she is him. she exists with him for him to save everyone including herself but not exactly herself, another version of herself who is just as twisted and undeserving and girlflop as she is yet she makes it for some reason, while ayaki is cursed to just watch forever.

shintaro signs up for it even though having retaining really is like. the worst of the worst. even after they've won he will be haunted by all the memories

i like these lyrics too like. ayaki not loving that she has to basically torment shintaro but she is just doing her job it just so happens it's awful. and he needs to keep it together and do HIS job so idk. hehe.

all the lyrics from the middle of the song about apparently all of the partners friends worrying and the singer being the source of the problem is something that in this context I'd read as the mekadan being worried about the way shintaro keeps self sabotaging and just making a mess of things post str but it's due to grief and trauma that he's forced to just remember perfectly Because of retaining. idk if all this makes sense anyways i love asks like these