#derek is a dick

[caernys]

car jacking and other crimes

relationship: derek hale x stiles stilinski, romantic pairing (part one— kmart grandmas)

summary: derek’s life is hard, okay? it’s more difficult than it looks. especially when a hot er tech tries to coerce him into stealing his own car.

notes: also posted on my AO3 account, kitkat_katsuki

Look, it’s annoying when people say it, and he knows it’s annoying; but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a little bit of truth to it. Derek’s just going to say it. Good looks are a pain, okay? They’re insufferable. They cause problems at every turn and you can’t go anywhere without middle aged women objectifying you in filthy, filthy ways. (It’s a sad bit of truth that the most action he’s gotten recently was a 53 year old kindergarten teacher calling him a “hot chunk of ass” at the downtown K-Mart.)

His good looks are a special breed of annoying, though, seeming to solely attract complete psychopaths. There was that whole mess with Kate, where she tried to burn his fucking house down, and then Jennifer, and then Jeremy, which was a whole other thing. Laura calls him romantically cursed. He calls Laura stupid, but it’s not like she’s actually wrong.

It’s also horrible for going under the radar in any way whatsoever. He just doesn’t like talking with strangers, okay, and having every single one turn around and point at him when he’s walked past isn’t exactly likable either. And putting on a baseball cap and a mask just makes him look like some jerk-ass C-list actor who had his  Daddy pay for acting school, so.

It’s a lose-lose.

There’s also this weird thing with teenagers asking him out, hoping to live out some weird dating-an-older-guy thing, he guesses? It’s creepy, is what it is, and Derek is not trying to go to prison. He’s too emotionally unpredictable and picky for life behind bars. (He doubts prison guards have an average of 45 minutes a week to listen to their 27 year old son moan about being forever lonely. Truly, his mother has a gift.)

But, anyway, when the skinny looking kid approaches him, he supposes it’s another one of those deranged teenagers. It’s not a difficult assumption, going off of his superhero t-shirt and worn flannel. He also just has that general annoying aura that Derek usually associates with them. Like tragedy is about to strike at any given moment and all the peanut butter cookies are gone.

Then again, that’s kind of the vibe that he gives off, so maybe he can’t judge.

The guy’s moving alarmingly close, though, quickly moving past hey-let-me-go-get-a-better-look to hey-let-me-go-interact and Derek does not like that development. He tries to veer subtly to the left and pulls his leather jacket slightly tighter around himself. The kid is not deterred. Damn.

He whirls around and flails slightly when a hand lands on his shoulder. The nerve.

“Look, I don’t want to go out with you, kid, so一”

“You look like you know how to steal a car一”

“What.”

“What.”

[twpromptsillneverwrite]

Stiles: Does this shirt make me look fat?

Derek: It makes my dick look fat.

Stiles: I can never talk to you.

Derek: It's getting fatter.

[hedwig221b]

Stiles Stilinski

Happy Birthday to the bravest human running among wolves! 🥳💗🐺

[alemonyoyo]

Trying to replicate Gato's shading style:

Lol I also drew Celia traditionally cause I NEVER draw traditionally and I wanted to see if I could still draw on paper. I couldn't be bothered to draw Derek traditionally though cause I get too worked up looking at him iykwim ;)

[missingnightwingsmullet]

What's your favorite bat fam comic. I'm always looking for new ones.

this is nostalgia based for me, so buckle up

one of the first bat fam comics i read is the Li’l Gotham series by Derek Fridolfs (illustrated by Dustin Nguyen)

i think it’s so cute and for me is like the comic equivalent of rewatching a childhood comfort show. the illustration style is so cute too and i think it adds to some of the funnier moments

just overall like a warm hug to me. and, is s good introduction to the dc universe as there’s a BUNCH of different characters that pop up throughout the series.

thanks for the ask!!!!

happy reading!

[stop-talking]

ughhh the derek fic is sooo cute and i love it i think you did an incredible job giving him a more complex personality than just a douchebag we see in the movies and it makes me so soft for him 🥹

Derek Danforth is a complicated character

Or at least, that's how I see him.

• He has a weird/strained relationship with his mom, and his dad is dead. (And it's implied his mom doesn't like him, "God I wish he was alive so I could kill him" or something.)

• But even so, he claims the reason he started his little scam operation in the first place was to help her win the election. (Which is probably partially true, he started it to help her, then kept it going because he liked the money/power/thrill of his little crime empire.)

• And even in the movie?? He's not a COMPLETE douche. I'm probably reading too much into things, but there's this short scene where he bumps into his mother's assistant and says sorry and moves out of her way

• Just before that he was flirting with this other lady (in a totally stupid way... offering her crypto?? seriously??) but even then he wasn't saying or doing anything rude. He was just being dorky.

• He's likely been under a lot of pressure his whole life to keep up a good image, considering he was born wealthy. And it probably got worse once his mom started pursuing a political career, since he couldn't jeopardize her reputation.

• And finally, Josh Hutcherson said one of the notes he got from his director (like, instructions, guidance, something to keep in mind while acting out a scene) was "Just remember that all of us just want to be loved and we can only ask for that with the tools that we're given."

• I'm not saying he's innocent and growing up as a troubled little rich boy was sooo hard that I don't blame him for turning to crime. These things aren't an excuse for his actions, but an explanation. He was definitely in the wrong, but he isn't some stereotypical comic book villain either. He isn't evil.

ANYWAYS sorry for writing you a whole ass essay when I should be writing fanfic, you just got me thinking. At the end of the day Derek Danforth is a bad guy, yes, but he's also just a dorky little mama's boy.

[harley-quinns-girlfriend]

I couldn't fix the fictional characters I like but I could kiss them on their cute little faces

[homemadesterekpie]

Derek @ Stiles whenever he’s trying to stay mad at him for doing something reckless for no fucking reason

[freak-accident419]

NEED THAT DEREK DANFORTH DICK AAAAA AAAA AAAAAAAAA

[ray-yyy]

I can survive this… 😃

[makeyouminemp3]

pretty people in all black suits <333

[spiderlily-w1tch-blog]

【ＭＩＳＣＥＬＬＡＮＥＯＵＳ】

𝙲𝚁𝙸𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙰𝙻 𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙳𝚂

BAU

𝒟𝒪𝒩’𝒯 𝒯𝒪𝒰𝒞𝐻 𝑀𝒴 𝒮𝒪𝒩 [BAU as family, protective Team Dad!Hotch, no Reader Insert]

Spencer Reid

𝒩���𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

Aaron Hotchner

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

David Rossi

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

Derek Morgan

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

Penelope Garcia (Platonic)

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

Luke Alvez

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

Matt Simmons

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

𝙳𝙲

Clark Kent | Superman

𝒟𝒶𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉𝑒𝓇!𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝐹𝓊𝓃𝓃𝓎 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒸𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓃𝓈 [Reader thinks that her mom is cheating on her dad with Superman not knowing that IS her dad!]

Bruce Wayne | Batman

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

Batfam

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

Dick Grayson

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

Jason Todd

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

Tim Drake

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

Damian Wayne

𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝓉!

𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁

𝐻𝑜𝓌 𝒟𝒾𝒹 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒦𝓃𝑜𝓌? [Benny Weir x Morgan!Reader]

𝒲𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝒮𝒶𝓎 𝒫𝓊𝒷𝓁𝒾𝒸 𝒮𝑒𝓍 𝐼 𝑀𝑒𝒶𝓃 𝒫𝓊𝒷𝓁𝒾𝒸 𝒮𝑒𝓍 [Series Masterlist]

【Ｂａｃｋ　ｔｏ　Ｍａｓｔｅｒｌｉｓｔｓ】

[twpromptsillneverwrite]

Lydia: How long is Derek...

Stiles: Around 9 inches, probably a little bit more.

Lydia: ... going to take to get here?

Stiles: Please, don't tell him I said that.

[curvykittyyssmutfics]

Catch Me If You Can

Jojo: where tf u at? called u like 10 times.

Me: ik. call you back inna minute, dam. chill out.

Jojo: best watch yo mouth if u know was good for u.

Me: why Jo? Not like you can do shit bout it rn..

Jojo: where are you y/n?

Me: atta party..

Me:

Jojo: lil girl, swear to God. Quit fuckin playin with me. Drop ur location.

Jojo: right fuckin now.

Me: naw, I'm good.

Jojo: Ma, you playin wit fire rn..

Me: catch me if you can.

I slide my phone into the back pocket of my mini ass shorts with an amused chuckle before grabbing Marie and tugging her to the living room to dance. It's dim and humid but fuck if I give a damn bout that while me and my girl roll our hips to the beat. [ https://youtu.be/e5RUsVqX37Q?si=00j1_Xqfpqf5Ov7C]

Whole vibe got me sweatin my edges out as we grind through 3 more songs; it's a miracle that I even see the front door swing open as I'm caressin and windin my body to the beat:

Marie and I make it out the back door by the skin of our teeth, giggling as we run cross campus to the next party. It's pitch black and freezing cold out side, but neither of us care as we fly through the brisk breeze. My booty shorts don't do a damn thing to help contain my ass as it jiggles wildly with each step.

We're both wheezing and clutching our sides for air as we fly through the door and slam it shut. It's cracking in here; place is packed with bodies, booze and laughter. Led lights flash allover the room as the music booms, clearly signaling a more lively atmosphere than the last place.

"Y/n! Marie!" Andre beckons us from the corner of room, sitting with his arm slung around Cate's shoulders as he holds up a blunt.

We make our way over, Marie immediately sittin down criss cross on the floor and explaining our narrow escape from Jordan as Andre lights the blunt. Its dark in here too besides the bouncing lights; the air is smoky as fuck in this corner of the room. No way I woulda seen Dre if he aint call out to us.

He takes a few puffs before handing the blunt to Cate. She takes a soft inhale before givin it to me. Just what I need after all that excitement.

I sit, taking deep pulls from the blunt before passing it to Marie. Blowin out the smoke slowly I cant help dippin back into my seat and closin my eyes as I let the tree go to work. It's so easy to let their voices surround me as I tune out their words. The fuzzy, warm sensation wraps my body in a hug, the welcoming high foggin my brain as I recline and laze into the couch.

I'm so relaxed into my vibe that I barely feel Cate tap my naked knee. I turn my head to look at her slender frame leaned into Andre's side.

"You better not let them know we knew where you are; Jordan don't play that shit. Marie might be screwed already but I'm not takin one for the team on this one." Andre says facing Cate, letting her shotgun his hit.

I smirk and close my eyes again before respondin.

"Fine.. Pussy."

"Oh so you extra tough now right? Huh ma?"

Daddy's voice is a low snarl in my ear as my eyes snap open wide. It's comical how quick my cowardly friends scatter as Jordan comes around the back of the couch to stand in front of me.

"Hi, Jordan. See ya y/n/n!" Marie chirps before disappearing into the darkness.

"Don't forget to come say bye before you guys leave." Cate says, dragging Andre off in the same direction.

I'm dying to escape with em, specially wit how Jordans starin at me. Bae look like she on demon time and I'm not sure if I can take whats comin. Got me hesitant to speak knowin I completely got caught slippin.

"Baby," I start sickeningly sweet. "You're here! I'm so happy. Marie said-"

Jordan's hand flashes out like lightening to grip my neck and pull me close. The squeeze makes each shallow breath difficult but the dark stoic gaze piercing my fuckin soul keep me from movin an inch. I do nothing more than limply hold at her wrist while she steps closer to press us nose to nose.

"Tell me one goddamn word that came outta Moreau's mouth. Go head, I fuckin dare you. You're gonna be fuckin sorry y/n."

I don't think I've ever been so quick to shut the fuck up. The silence stretches for a few momemts, makes me uneasy and I'm sure Jordan knows this. Knows every fuckin thing about me, about my body.

"I went through alotta fuckin trouble to find you, so I dont give a fuck what anybody else thinks, thought or fuckin said."

She uses the grip on my neck to slowly pull me from the couch and put me on my knees, refusing to lose eye contact as the other hand unbuttons her jeans. Full lips upturned at the corner inna smirk, button nose flared.. I already know the plans going through that maniacal mind, know what's comin next. I don't know what's pounding harder: my heart or my cunt.

"You listenin to what everybody else fuckin said but which one of them are here to save you now y/n?"

The cold hard wood floor presses against my smooth brown skin as I shift nervously, watchin as Jordan smoothly transitions. Doesn't even bother to check if anyone's looking as he pulls out his rigid leaky dick and repeatedly taps it across my mouth. Daddy stares down at me lookin absolutely furious, his breathing startin to accerlerate as he makes a mess on my face.

So lengthy and so fuckin angry, tip flushed the prettiest and deepest of pinks. Thick clear strings of precum smear allover my bare heart shaped lips as he humps forward over and over, doin the same to my cheeks. He looks fuckin anguished from arousal, but still so goddamn pretty as he uses me.

"You know how long I've been like this? How much I needed you? But you wanna play fuckin games. What bout when you need Daddy? Don't I always give you what you want?"

I know his questions are rhetorical, that if I continue with my earlier attitude that this only gets worst. Still my pussy clenches rhythmically as I lean into his touch, knowin regardless off my permission he's about to pay me back for my insolence.

"Jo pleeeease." I whine, utterly shamed and hoping he'll take me back to his dorm. "Somebody's probably watchin, let's go to your room."

"Naw, fuck that. Tongue out." He spits at me.

I comply at the drop of a dime, drooling a bit as Jordan slides the tip of his dick in and out of my mouth. My hands lay limply in my lap as he holds the sides of my face. Head tipped back, dark chocolate eyes still observing the prey at his feet as he moans loudly into the air. I know his antics are purposeful, hoping that someone hears and stumbles upon my punishment.

"And somebody- mmmmm, ohfuck, just like that, princess- is watchin honey. Wouldn't you wanna see a little brat like you get put in their place?"

The fluids drip from his cock to my tongue steadily as he uses it as a slip and slide. I curl my wet pink muscle on every pull out tryin to get an extra taste.

Even when they're not bein nice, I just wanna please em. It would be a lie if I said I didn't test his nerves jus to end up like this: pussy drippin wet and at their mercy.

"Know what? Mmm, ooooh baby girl, just like that.. I think you're pretendin you don't like bein watched. Hooooh fuck, think we both know it was just a matter of time before you showed everyone how much you love my cock."

His pace speeds; mean words and assault on my mouth make my body heat and pussy clench. Wetness plasters my thick brown thighs as i squeeze them together repeatedly for just a hint a pressure. If I wasn't in so much trouble I'd see if I could get away secretly fingering my clit but getting caught wouldn't be worth it. Daddy's pissed and I'd be dumb to test that.

"Jesus christ, thas it. Ahhh, fuuu- so good, ma, so fuckin good! Shit, put that snappy lil mouth to good use. Daddy'll show you how to talk to me nice sweetheart."

Jordan slides further inside my wet warm cavern, the slight curve of him makin me gag as I try to relax and breathe deeply through my nose. His balls, sticky with my drool, play a game of hit and miss as they occasionally slap my chin. The hold on the sides of my face graduate to one of his big hands with a strong grip in my hair, keeping me in place.

"Fuckin best lil dick sucker I ever meeeet! Should came back to the room baby. Mm fuck, mighta showed you some fuckin mercy."

The rhythm of him fuckin my mouth is so erratic and desperate. Poor daddy seems a bit distressed as grunts and groans turn to sexy whiny moans. I wanna hold em in my arms from how he trembles from the intense nut he's about to bust. The way he tosses his head back with tightly shut lids makes me a bit sad I can't see the pleasure in his beautiful eyes.

"Dammit, I'm so close ma. Yeeees, ohfuck. Uhn uhhhhh.. Get ready, bout to fill that pretty lil throat up with some cream!"

I refuse to shut my eyes shut and miss the way Jordan stills his hips, continuing to use the grip in my freshly styled hair to fuck my mouth on his dick. My eyes tear up but I struggle to blink them back, hoping to not leave this situation so fuckin messy. I moan at the thought of them ruining me, throat already sore from his treatment.

"Ahhhh here it is pretty.. Haaaah sh- feels 'mazin y/nnnn. Take it, mmmmm ahfuck! Thas it. Fuuuuuck!"

I'm so ready when I get the first thick, heavy blast. Takes an extra swallow but I get it down before the 2cnd gush of cum can choke me. Still, Daddy's shootin like I ain't already take 3 of his loads this morning before class.

His nut leaks from the corners of my mouth as he pushes in more, givin me a shot straight down my throat. Jordan finally looks back down at me as I struggle around him. He looks so fuck yummy: forhead wrinkled and covered in a light perspiration, a dazed stare in his eyes as his chest heaves for air, and a small smile on his slightly agape plump pink lips. I'm sure if they could could they'd be starin down at me with hearts in their eyes right now.

I can't be more relieved when he slides his dick out, wiping the remaining cum off from his tip on my tongue before stuffing himself into his jeans. I savor a few gulps of air as he pulls me to my feet. Daddy kisses my mouth messily, smacking my ass sharply and tellin me to go say goodbye to our friends.

Yeah the fuck right, with sticky tracks of pre cum smeared allover my God damn face? I can barely contain my eye roll as I turn to walk away. Even if my juices are streamin out my pussy down my leg, ima make em work for their next nut. So I'm out. It's so fuckin easy to pretend to head their way before makin a break for the exit.

"Anybody that recorded that, if I see that shit online or anyone talks shit to my fuckin girl, it's up. Bet on that." Jordan threatens nearby party goers before transitioning, taking confident measured steps toward my hasty retreat.

A/N: The link provided at the beginning of the story is to a music video on YouTube; its the song I envisioned while writing the fic. It's not needed to read it, it's just a lil peek inside the authors head.

[switchingforms]

[incorrectsterekquotes]

stiles: we have a problem.

derek: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps causing them.