#deserve to complete the things they build up properly

[loserdiaz]

several sentences sunday!

tagged by the lovelies @eddiebabygirldiaz @spaceprincessem @spotsandsocks @bidisasterevankinard @tizniz @devirnis

im properly hyped for haymitchd story now and can't stop thinking about thg verse so.... here's more!!

Eddie’s heart gallops at the end of it, and without him even processing it or thinking about it… he reaches through the bars. His body moves as if it has a mind of its own. and rests his hand near Buck’s feet.

And what happens next might be the most shocking, surprising, beautiful, devastating thing that Eddie’s ever experienced, all at once— Buck’s hand comes to rest on top of his, his skin feeling solid and a little rough. But it warms Eddie’s flesh, sips into his bones and travels through his veins, warming Eddie’s very soul like nothing has ever managed before. There’s this delicious, dizzying, addicting, maddening heat spreading in Eddie’s belly, rising up his nerve endings.

By all accounts, despite the good relationship they’ve managed to build in this brief time of knowing each other, Buck should hate him. Should despise him, or at the very least resent him a little… just by principle alone, Eddie thinks, like most of the other tributes seem to be wary of every other mentor.

Buck would have every damn right to be mean, spiteful, rude to Eddie. He wouldn’t have blamed the guy if he had spat on Eddie’s hand just now, to be completely honest.

But Buck didn’t. He took Eddie’s hand so softly and delicately that it’s making him come a little undone at the seams, frankly.

Eddie’s breath hitches. His heart melts. The pleasure of being this close to him, of sharing this little moment frozen in time, just the two of them… it slices through him like the sharpest blade.

“I’m so sorry, Buck.” Eddie whispers, voice breaking as he can barely bare to look the boy in the eyes.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Buck whispers back, gentle and patient and too good for this cruel world they live in. But there’s also a firmness to his tone, a sort of finality, like he won’t accept anything else. Like Eddie deserves this kindness he is offering, no doubt about it. Eddie wants to argue anyway, but Buck squeezes his hand, sending a little zing of warmth and fondness through Eddie’s body, and speaks before he can do anything else.

“Maddie would really like you, I think.”

tagging (no pressure): @hoodie-buck @monsterrae1 @bi-buckrights @loveyouanyway @honestlydarkprincess @bigfootsmom @weewootruck @watchyourbuck @queerdiazs @diazsdimples @maygrantgf @thewolvesof1998 @exhuastedpigeon @the-likesofus @hippolotamus @shipperqueen6 @bekkachaos @wikiangela @elvensorceress and anyone else who wants to do it <333

[nerdsandbabyteeth]

Can I just say for all the people saying Belos ‘deserves a pathetic death’ and alike, I agree but it’s not about the death itself. He didn’t suffer, he died thinking he was right and trying to continue his manipulation, trying to start all over again. I think for his death to be truly satisfying he needed to remember, he needed to be plagued with visions of the past and the consequences of his actions, how they have amounted to nothing and destroyed his body and his mind in the process. I wanted him to realise, and this could have happened AND them leaving him to die in the rain and stomping on his skull. I understand most people watching the owl house aren’t looking for signs Belos is completing the hubris, harmatia, peripeteia, anagnorisis timeline of tragedy like I was because I keep thinking abt him through the lense of my tragedy course lol but I really wish he had that anagnorisis, that moment of realisation. I just wish he didn’t die thinking he could be martyred in any way for his efforts and death for his cause hmm

Edit: SORRY I turned reblogs off bc this was meant to be just throwing a thought out there before I rewatch the episode tmr and my opinion may change and I am not in a mental state to debate things or respond to people atm

[reyesstrand]

idk i’m just rambling here but one of the big things for ME re: the carlos is already married theory that i’ve been thinking about since i first started seeing it...everywhere (besides it being ooc in my opinion) is that we’re looking at—max—a four episode arc that narratively needs to allow us to catch up with the characters again, before tying together carlos’ secret, his work storyline, iris’ return, andrea (and gabriel) + tarlos, the other characters’ involvement w their story, the storms, and some heavy tarlos plot as teased by ronen. and then we’ll move onto other big plot points and storylines with other characters (likely tommy and marjan, and of course owen), likely leaving us without much substantial development re: the aftermath of the heavy tarlos arc until we focus in on them again. absolving the fact that carlos somehow neglected to tell the love of his life—whose proposal he happy-cried through and accepted at three in the morning without hesitation—that he’s already married and has been for a while and getting through the appropriate reactions to that (no matter the reason), while also setting them up to come out stronger on the other side of that, while dealing with the carlos work storyline effectively, just to have them happily hanging out at the firehouse a few episodes later and presumably wedding planning heavily in episode eight as if nothing happened just. i don’t see it.

also, this is the same show that has promotional material that phrases character death as a “personal emergency” and a proposal as “come to a decision”. i feel like they’re really just playing with our emotions here.

[ovaryacted]

Insoportable

Summary: Miguel O’Hara x fem!reader. Miguel couldn’t stand you, the more you refused to listen to him and his orders, the closer he got to snapping. After another failed mission, he’s had enough, and takes it upon himself to put you in your place.

Warnings: 18+/MDNI. NSFW. Porn with plot. Dom/sub elements, throat/face fucking, degradation & praise, slight size kink, slight choking, rough sex, bare backing, mention of fluids.

WC: 5.2k

A/N: Took me a while to write this but I hope it’s enjoyable. Originally was an enemies to lovers plot but it’s more of a passionate stress relief type thing, I’ll do actual enemies to lovers/hate sex another time. For the record, I speak Spanish, so the Spanish you see in this piece is how I’d personally speak. Title is also in Spanish lolz. :)

You were insufferable, a nuisance every time you walked in the room or were in close proximity to Miguel. A firecracker that hated following orders or being told what to do. He didn’t even know how you managed to last this long as a spider-person or why you were chosen to become one since you behaved so recklessly. In his mind, you were a hazard to have on his elite strike force, but Jess was the one that convinced him you would be a good addition to the team. That was a few months ago, and he continues to figure out whether or not having you around was a good or bad thing. So far, it was definitely leaning towards bad.

You never listened to him, often going off on your own on missions or making small mistakes that would throw him off. It was almost as if you enjoyed seeing him upset, making it harder to tolerate you and leading to more arguments. The constant bickering and fighting was a daily occurrence, a game of pull and push to see who would make the other crack, and usually, it was you pushing Miguel to his limits.

This was how your relationship was, if he can even say you guys had one, and he still remembers how your eyes gleamed with mischief when you were introduced to the Spider Society. At first glance, he comes off as intimidating, even scary with his size and demeanor alone. But with you? It was the complete opposite, like your ego was as big as him and then some. He couldn’t understand why you didn’t take him seriously.

Of course, today was no different.

“This isn’t how we organized this!”, Miguel yelled at you from the other side of the street, climbing up one of the buildings to catch up to your rapid swinging.

Currently, you were tracking down a lizard variant that Miguel had ordered you to capture and bring back to HQ. It was intended to be a solo mission, but instead of listening to him the first time around, you brought your newest friend Hobie to keep you company. As if the brunette’s stress couldn’t get any worse, seeing you two together creating havoc across the multiverse blew his blood pressure through the roof. The second you joined his team, you and Hobie instantly clicked, becoming almost inseparable when you met each other. Two rebels, two people who hated authority were brought together by fate. If Hobie’s anarchist tendencies were bad then, they’re worse now, and it only wore poor Miguel out knowing that headache number one found its match.

The variant from Earth-374 was tracked down in the sewer system, both you and your favorite rockstar managing to slow it down and trap it in one of the underground tunnels using your webbing. In celebration, you stopped by to get hot dogs, feeling you deserved a break and cheering at a job well done. Excitedly, you reported back to Miguel of your successful capture, hoping that maybe for once, he wouldn’t look at you with such dismay. Only when it was time for him to come to retrieve the anomaly, he was dumbfounded to see traces of webbing and no lizard. It escaped right under your grasp, your clumsy mistake of not securing them properly and forgetting to set up the sensors caused this to happen. You could practically see the tick in Miguel’s jaw as he all but looked at you in vexation.

Now you were attempting to amend your mistake with Miguel and Hobie alongside you, chasing the creature down through the streets of an alternate New York City. Despite both of them being there to help you, you still managed to go off on your own.

“I almost have it! Just let me get this!”, you called back to Miguel, distancing yourself from the other two as you launched your body towards the reptile underneath you. Miguel constantly called you out on this, how you always put yourself in danger instead of actively trying to get away from it. Your spider-senses were the same as everyone else’s, yet you behaved as if you didn’t use them half of the time, enjoying the thrill of being put in such precarious situations.

Hobie followed your lead while Miguel continued to grumble under his breath. You landed on the lizard’s back, shooting your webs to cover their eyes and blind them momentarily. They thrashed around the bustling streets, scaly skin rough against your feet and sharp claws reaching out to grab you.

A backflip here, another dodge and curve of your body there, you landed on top of the lizard’s head. They snarled when you shot another array of webs at their jaw, creating a makeshift lead and pulling upwards. In the mayhem of the chase, Miguel shot his own red webbing at its feet, yanking backwards and watching the mutated reptile slam into the concrete face first. Hobie mimicked the larger man’s actions, the both of them working in tandem to bring the lizard down to the ground and secure it thoroughly. You busied yourself with webbing its mouth shut, taking extra care to ensure you wouldn’t repeat your initial mistake.

Even if this was considered a personal redemption, you didn’t have the time to recover your breath before Miguel was on you again, his tone harsh and condescending.

“Do you have any idea what the hell you just did? How many times do I have to tell you to do things the way I say?!”, Miguel spat out, scolding you as if you were a child that lacked common sense.

“We still caught them no? The damage isn’t so bad”, you said stubbornly, putting your hands on your hips and looking up at Miguel defensively. From the way the outline of the eyes on his mask curved downward, you could tell he was irked. Perhaps this was his last straw with you.

“You destroyed half of the damn city! Are you really this stupid and hasty?”, he said almost exasperatingly. No matter how hard you tried to talk to him, Miguel never listened. He always wanted things done his way, and he just couldn’t stand the fact that you never saw him through.

“I wouldn’t be this hasty if you would just get off my back! You’re always so uptight!”

“This conversation isn’t over, you hear me?”, he hovered above you, not wanting to prolong this argument any longer. Messing with the buttons on his watch and opening a portal back to H.Q., he entrapped the lizard variant and threw them through the bright colors of the interdimensional opening. He took one last glance at you before walking through, leaving you and Hobie behind as you sighed and looked down at your feet.

“I messed up, didn’t I?”, you asked Hobie, who started walking towards the portal with you close behind.

“Nah, it’s not that bad. The big man will get over it”, he said with a shrug, tone of voice slightly teasing and doing nothing to calm your nerves.

You only silently hoped that Hobie was right.

-

Miguel exhaled with his fingers pressed against the bridge of his nose, breathing through his nostrils as he tried to regain some peace of mind. After today’s fiasco of a mission, he called you and Hobie back to his lab to discuss it. Whether it was just to talk or simply yell at you again for your failure, you were about to find out.

“Miguelito, you’re going to pop a vein at this rate with the way you’re stressing out,” you teased, looking over at the very agitated Spider-Man.

Oh, he hated that. He loathed how easily the nickname slipped past your lips whenever you antagonized him. You always found more ways to get under his thick skin, and this was one of the things you did from your long list that seemed to upset him the most.

“Dios dame paciencia”, Miguel muttered under his breath, huffing and puffing as he paced around.

“I lied before, he’s definitely pissed at you now”, Hobie said next to you, smugly glancing between you and your mutual boss from the corner of his eye.

“It’s not so bad, I swear”, you put your hands up in fake innocence, and Miguel just chuckled dryly under his breath.

“You’re joking right? You let the anomaly go because you weren’t paying attention, and I have to clean up after your mistakes, again”, Miguel turned his back to face you, red eyes looking at you fiercely.

“Okay, I may have done that, but we caught them right after. What’s the big deal?”, you said, shrugging, which only seemed to tick Miguel off more, feeling his shoulders tense and his left eye beginning to twitch.

“And that’s my cue to leave. Good luck, mate”, Hobie says, saluting you and leaving you to face Miguel’s wrath alone.

“What’s the big deal? You just don’t get it, do you? You’re always so careless, you never listen to me, and then you act oblivious when you mess up. How the hell are you even a spider-person?”, Miguel retorted, stepping closer to you as an act of intimidation, but it didn’t affect you much. You held your ground while he walked forward until he stood right in front of you, looking down as if you were merely a pest.

“I still do my job, don’t I? You’re stressing out over nothing, and you don’t have to be breathing down my neck all the time if you’d just let me do my own thing. The multiverse is still safe Miguelito, lighten up!”

“Stop fucking calling me that! God, you annoy the shit out of me I can’t stand you.”

“I’m aware of that, you remind me every day!”, you countered defiantly, and Miguel was on the brink of losing his last nerve.

“Coño, for once, will you just shut the fuck up!”, he yelled now, reaching an arm out to wrap his hand around your throat, holding you in place instinctively as you gasped.

He wasn’t choking you, his fingers not daring to tighten around your neck but acting as a placeholder. He bent down the slightest bit, whispering in your ear with a tone of voice that was borderline threatening.

“You’re a pain in my ass, an ungrateful brat, and I don’t know if you get on my nerves on purpose, but you’re going to learn to stop fucking with me like a plaything. ¿Entiendes?”, Miguel snarled, his lips grazing the outer shell of your ear. This you weren’t expecting, your mind short-circuiting as your breath hitched at his words.

Miguel pulled away, his hands still around your neck while he stared down at you. He was taking in your reaction, watching how your breathing increased, your eyes were filled with a curiosity he hadn’t seen from you, and he could practically feel your pulse pounding against his thumb that pressed into your skin.

He was trying to figure out the sudden change in your demeanor, half expecting you to say some sassy remark back to him, but nothing came out of your mouth. If anything, you seemed to like this.

“Ah, so that’s what it is? You’re a brat on purpose?”, he smirked then, finding your sudden silence amusing. “You think you’re hot shit, acting all defiant around me when in reality, you need to be put in your place.”

Your cheeks blushed, both confused and aroused at the sudden change in the dynamic between you two. Have you thought about Miguel like this? Sure, once or twice. But the big scary Spider-Man was a tough nut to crack, so instead, you compromised for teasing. There was no way he would act out on those very sudden desires, right? Right?

Oh how wrong you were.

“You put up a show all the time when you just want some attention. Ain’t that right, muñeca?”, Miguel said, leaning his face closer to yours so the tips of your noses barely touched. He was teasing you, playing with the idea of giving you something you didn’t even know you would crave. His grip tightened around your neck the slightest bit, bringing your attention back to him when he spoke again, “I asked you a question, answer me.”

“Y-Yes”, you stuttered, the neurons in your brain working just enough to formulate one word. At this rate, you could feel your body warming up with how Miguel spoke to you. It felt taboo to be in this situation right now, but some part of you wanted to indulge in this small fantasy.

“Hmmm, maybe I’ll remind you where you belong so you can stop acting out. You want that?”, Miguel’s voice was playful now, noticing how your blush intensified the closer he leaned down. One of his hands reached for your hip, bringing you closer to him while the other stayed on your neck, your jaw tilting up towards him. It was an invitation, a calling for a kiss, or whatever else he may have in mind.

“Fuck, yes”, you found yourself saying a bit too quickly, your brain telling you to just shut up and listen to him for once, to relieve whatever tension the both of you have developed for so long. Miguel took one last look into your eyes before he closed the distance between you two, his mouth meeting yours with force.

Your lips meddled together in a flurry of need, a mess of tongue and teeth as you both forgone all sense of professionalism. These weren’t the lovely, soft kisses one would expect from someone they’d been pining after. They were possessive and dominating. Miguel’s grip on your hip tightened, pinning you to his body as you stood chest to chest. He practically loomed over you, needing to crane your neck up to kiss him properly. You moaned when his tongue slipped between your lips, grazing the roof of your mouth and curling around your own. The hand wrapped around your neck slipped from its grasp to cradle your jaw, stroking your cheek in a way that opposed the harsh kisses he gave you.

When Miguel pulled away for a breath, your face was slightly flushed with plush lips to match. His thumb caressed your bottom lip, pressing into it and looking at you with newfound desire. He sighed when your lips closed around it, sucking it into your mouth gently and tracing the bottom of his digit with your soft tongue.

“You just need something in your mouth to be good right?”, he smirked, pressing the pad of his thumb on the middle of your tongue as you hummed against him with a nod. The red in his eyes darkened, watching you stare at him in desire. Miguel chuckled, taking his thumb out of your mouth and stepping away from you slightly with a toothy grin on his face.

“Let’s see if you can do more with your mouth than just piss me off”, he grunted, his voice dropping an octave as he pushed you down to your knees in front of him. If you thought Miguel looked big before, he looked much larger in comparison now, the shadow of his body swallowing you whole.

You looked up at him needily, your attention diverting to the bulge hidden underneath his spider suit. Mouth watering at the sight, your eyes widened when part of his suit disappeared in pixelated bits, his hard cock bouncing towards your cheek. An unintentional gasp slipped out of you, biting your bottom lip and rubbing your thighs together as your lower gut bubbled in warmth. Now you know why Miguel acted the way he did, why he was so hard to handle at times. His words and size matched the rest of him, big and intense all around.

“Don’t be scared of it”, you heard Miguel say mockingly, bringing you out of your admiring trance. You could tell despite his dominating demeanor, he wanted to be touched, his cock almost pulsing in front of you.

“Who said I was scared?”, you taunted back, grinning when you saw the same annoyed look Miguel does that seemed reserved for just you.

“You want to prove me wrong? Go ahead then”, his hand went to your hair, grabbing it in his fist as he felt you caressing his tip in light kisses. He sighed when your lips moved under the base of his shaft, kissing the prominent veins that pulsated against your warm mouth. It took everything in him not to thrust into your face, but he knew what you were doing, playing with him even when he was the one in control.

Your breath hitched again when your head was yanked back, ogling him as you saw how pent up he was, how badly he wanted you.

“Don’t fucking tease me. Now open wide baby”, he muttered, putting both of his hands on your head to get any flyaway hairs out of your face. He wanted to burn this picture into his memory, taking in the view of you having his dick down your throat for the first time.

Slowly, your lips wrapped around his member, encasing him in your hot mouth as you relaxed your jaw to take more of him. You didn’t know if you would be able to take all of him at once, but you sure as hell were gonna try. Breathing in through your nose, you moved further down, feeling more of him resting against your tongue before deciding that was enough for now.

With a gentle tug of your hair, you pulled back, moving your head over him while one of your hands went to his thighs for support. Your other hand held him at the base, jerking the rest of his cock that couldn’t fit. He groaned shamelessly, letting you have a small bit of control as your tongue traced over the underside of his length. It felt good, better than he imagined, and he couldn’t help but close his eyes to immerse himself in the pleasure.

You hollowed your cheeks out, bobbing your head harder while taking more of him into your mouth. Tasting the saltiness of his precum against your tongue, you moaned around him, his fingers tightening around your head as you kept working over him, not caring for the slight tingling in your jaw.

“Knew you were good at this”, Miguel mumbled, his fangs digging into his bottom lip as he watched you. You looked almost precious to him, your hand growing slick with saliva along with the rest of him, your lips pinker than usual. He couldn’t help himself, grabbing the top of your head and thrusting towards your face.

You choked a bit at the action, the sudden intrusion forcing him all the way down the base of your throat until he pulled his hips back. He did it again, pushing your face against his pelvis until your nose rubbed into the soft brown curls against his skin.

“See how pretty you look when your mouth is shut? Just get your throat fucked like the slut you are, taking me so well”, he lost himself to the sensation of you deep-throating him, struggling to take all of him at once. But you tried, your hands on the top of his thighs as you happily let him fuck your face.

Tears started to gather on your lash line the more forceful Miguel got, an audible gagging sound filling the room every time he plunged deeper into you. Spit was coating your chin and cheek, his balls hitting your face with every drive of his hips. Blowing someone wasn’t new to you, but the way Miguel used you to get off intensified the burning heat in your gut. Hearing the sounds he made, feeling how he throbbed and twitched in your mouth, how his thighs slightly shook the closer he got to his climax. It was arousing seeing him like this, and you enjoyed it like it were your favorite movie.

“I want to cum down your throat, you gonna let me?”, Miguel asked, sweat starting to build up on his hairline as he looked down at you. Your eyes were hazy, pupils dilated and almost lost as they met his. He could feel your harsh breathing against him, the drool pooling in your mouth, and the vibration of a pleasurable hum as you answered him with enthusiasm.

“Mierda, swallow it all for me, I don’t want you to waste a drop”, he said hastily, thrusting up into you a few more times before he shuddered with a loud grunt. Miguel’s hips stayed flush with your face, tears dropping down your cheek as you choked around him and felt him cum down your throat. You clutched his thighs, breathing shakily and trying to remain calm to the best of your ability. He felt you constricting around him, taking everything he had to give while his fingers dug into your scalp.

With ease, Miguel pulled his hips back, watching you catch your breath. You moved your head up, opening your mouth to show him how you followed his directions, no traces of his release left behind. Not a single drop was wasted. For the first time since you’ve been in the same room with him, there was a smile on his face.

“I should give you a treat for being so good to me just now”, Miguel purred at you, bringing you back onto your feet and kissing you deeply. He could taste himself against your tongue, groaning into your mouth as he chased the flavor of his release. You clung to him, gasping when you felt a claw on your back tearing at your spider suit as he slipped it down your body, leaving you bare before him.

“Fucking hell Miguel”, you whined against him, the brisk air of his lab making your nipples hard, biting your lip when a rough thumb caressed a perked nub. He was handsy and impatient, lifting you up by the bottom of your thighs and bringing you to a spare desk on the other side of the room. You sat on the cool surface, legs instantly parting for Miguel as his hips pressed against yours.

With hungry lips, they wrapped around your other nipple, sucking lavishly and humming around it as his hands explored over you. His other free hand trailed down your stomach, gracing your bare hip and reaching towards your warmth. Your hands went to his brown hair, running through the strands and arching towards his touch as a thick, calloused thumb ran circles on your clit.

“You always get this wet when you have dick down your throat?”, he chuckled, releasing your nipple to kiss your neck, nipping the soft skin while he continued his rubbing. You couldn’t even answer him, throwing your head back to grant him more skin to touch and crying out when two of Miguel’s fingers slipped inside you.

The soft squelching that filled the room was almost embarrassing, feeling your arousal drip onto his skin with every plunge of his digits. You were already so wet and pent up from the earlier usage of your throat for Miguel’s pleasure, sending you that much closer to the edge. With a flick of his wrist, his fingers curled into the soft spot inside you, your thighs twitching under him and pulling another whimper out of you.

“Please, fuck please”, you gripped onto his bicep, grinding your hips against his hand to chase your own pleasure. Miguel’s sharp eyes observed you, watching every stutter you gave him and how your eyebrows creased the closer you got to your climax. He was mesmerized by your soaked heat, knuckles deep into you and hitting every sensitive spot he could find.

“So needy, fucking into my hand like a whore. You want to cum on my fingers muñeca?”, he said against your ear, biting on the lobe as you shook underneath him and weakly nodded. His thumb came back into the mix, rubbing fast circles on your clit that made you keen. You were dripping down his wrist, your hot walls fluttering around him and your nails leaving indents in his biceps from where you held on to him.

“Cum for me so I can fill your pussy up just right”

It didn’t take long for you to reach your peak, closing your eyes and mewling out Miguel’s name in the crook of his neck. He groaned at how tight you got, sucking his digits deeper into your body as you flexed around him with trembling legs. He didn’t stop moving his hand against you, making sure to milk your orgasm as much as he could. With a soft kiss to your lips, he pulled his touch away from your center, marveling at how your fluids glistened in the dim light of his lab. Staring at you lustfully, he slipped his fingers into his mouth, savoring your taste with a lewd sigh.

“I’ll get a better taste of you later, but for now let me fuck that defiant attitude out of you”, Miguel said, his hands going to your thighs and lifting them up. He put one of your legs on his shoulder, bending down closer to you as your back was resting on top of the desk. You could feel how hard he was for you again, grinding his length against your wetness, his tip bumping into your clit deliciously every time.

“Just fuck me, please Miguel”, you begged, clenching around nothing and feeling how badly you needed to be filled with something. You expected some sly comment from him, but he surprised you, positioning himself above your entrance and pushing forward.

“You’re so fucking tight. No wonder why you act the way you do”, he hissed at the way you throbbed around him. He didn’t stop moving until his body was flush with yours, reaching the deepest parts inside you and stretching you so deliciously you whined. It would be an exaggeration to say you felt him in your chest, but you swear you could.

A choked moan left your throat when he pulled his hips back to pound into you again, setting a rough pace from the start. The smell of sex started to fill the lab, Miguel’s face digging into your neck and biting the skin as he huffed under his breath. He leaned forward towards your body, your leg that he had on his shoulder bending towards your chest, making him slip deeper into you. You yelped at the action and fucked back into him, your hips meeting his with an audible slap.

Miguel was unrelenting, his hands digging into the plush skin of your thighs and hips as he looked down at where your bodies met. His pelvis rubbed into your clit with every stroke, tilting his hips the slightest bit to hit your g-spot every time he plowed into you. The annoyance he once felt towards you evaporated from his mind, now only focused on screwing you into the desk. It was a lot, he was a lot, but all you could do was be good and take what he gave you with no complaints, holding on to the edge of the desk so tightly your knuckles turned white. He was also silently thankful his lab was farther away from everything else, his ears taking in every delectable sound that came from your bruised lips unabashedly.

“You’re so loud. Do you want the entire HQ to hear how much of a slut you are? Letting your boss fuck you like this for being a brat”, he teased in your ear, feeling you clench around him as he increased the intensity of his thrusts against you. You liked the mix of his degrading and praise, common sense so far gone from your current mind that it left you stuck on cloud 9.

The sneaky hand on your hip moved down your body again, rubbing the pulsing nub as you rambled incoherently against him. He could feel you getting close, doing everything in his power to ruin you for any other person, if that were even an option. You didn’t have it in you to warn him of your impending release, your thighs shaking against his body. But he already knew, slamming harder into you to the point where the desk underneath you screeched against the floor. He was getting close too, his eyes trailing down your body and seeing the white ring at the base of his cock.

“You’re so close baby. Need you to cum around me so I can fill you up, let everyone know who’s fucking you so good”, Miguel grunted against your ear again, your arms wrapping around his broad shoulders and clinging to his body. Your nails dug into his back, scratching down the firm planes of muscle and leaving angry red streaks in their wake. He shuddered at the touch, growling into your skin and biting at your shoulder.

Head thrown back in ecstasy, the tension in your gut snapped as you spasmed and wailed under him, the pleasure overwhelming you the second time around. Miguel held on to your hips to keep you from jerking against him, whispering praises into your ear and telling you how good you were, how good you felt squeezing around him. His pace grew sloppy, pumping into you a few more times before his release hit with a guttural moan. Cursing in Spanish under his breath he came inside you, filling you to the hilt with some of his seed spilling out of you.

The both of you panted against one another, Miguel’s body slowly relaxing as he placed one final kiss against the new marks he left on your neck. He lifted his head back to look at you, your eyes half-lidded and face flushed as you caught your breath. Your heart was going a mile a minute, knowing your body would feel sore, but you felt satisfied beyond measure. With a hiss and much protest, Miguel pulled his softening length out of you, watching his cum slip out of your slit and run down your thigh.

“You okay?”, he asked, his voice no longer laced with anger or irritation. You nodded, licking your lips as you tried to find words for him, but your mind was still fogged with the high you just experienced.

“You should listen to me more often you know. I don’t want you causing any more trouble”, Miguel told you, voice softer than usual as he caressed the soft skin of your quivering thigh.

“And what’s the fun in that if this happens when I piss you off?”, you told him, a dopey grin on your face as your eyes met his. The same mischievous glint he always found was there again, something he initially hated now being something he wanted to see more often.

“Then I’ll hold you to it. Don’t be surprised if I put you in your place again”

“I’m looking forward to it, Miguelito”

He found himself chuckling at that, the nickname that made the hairs at the back of his neck rise in aggravation now felt like a blanket of comfort. He knew down the line this wasn’t the end of your antics, that you would continue to get on his nerves. Only this time, he found a way to get something out of it.

Maybe just maybe, having you around wasn’t so bad after all.

©️ ovaryacted 2023

[greensaplinggrace]

the fact of the matter is that buffy ends up isolated no matter what the scoobies do because she bears the burden of the slayer alone at the end of the day and nothing can change that. the problem with this isn't that she's separate from them, it's that they don't want to acknowledge that she is, and in doing so they drive a wedge between them that just grows and grows. the best thing about spike is that he's similar enough to this other side of buffy to understand it and her by extension. he is the only person around who can support that side of her.

most of buffy's issues in season six stem from the scoobies rejecting a part of buffy that spike accepts. and this shame she feels for her reliance on spike and the presence of this darkness and isolation she cannot avoid is largely because of them. i'm sick of this bizarre assumption that pointing out where the scoobies go wrong in their relationship with buffy somehow equals an uncritical uplifting of spike. just because he understands her and represents a certain aspect of her doesn't mean he doesn't fuck up. i mean that's kind of the whole point of their season six dynamic. one of his biggest issues is that he thinks he's helping her by enabling her completely because he doesn't have the ability to properly identify the line between self acceptance and self destruction - pursuit of the id is one of his biggest character traits. that's what makes the end of season six and his decision to get the soul so interesting (although of course there's just as much i can say about the narrative framing of that in regards to lore consistency and the story's obsession with angel, but that's a whole other thing).

point is, the scoobies cannot understand all of buffy, and when they refuse to acknowledge this they destroy their chances of building any bridges to even a simple relationship with that other side of buffy or helping her carry that burden in any way. meanwhile, spike is in the proper position to understand buffy as the slayer and hold his own with her in such a way, but his definition of love is wholly obsessive and destructive. while i disagree that he's incapable of love and even of loving selflessly without his soul, i think spike's version of love in particular is self destructive in a way that enables buffy's own desire to hurt herself through hurting him (see the aforementioned shame regarding her shadow self). spike cannot identify why allowing buffy to give in to her dark side in such a way is bad because he struggles to understand how she could use this to resent herself - although i do think he realizes it's happening on some level.

spike is also buffy's only form of catharsis and the only one that actually listens to what she is saying during a time when everybody else is dismissing her because of the aforementioned inability to understand her as the slayer. it's a clusterfuck - and a clusterfuck that needed to be shattered with a hammer for any kind of relief. and quite frankly to disregard the scoobies' own part in this situation does a disservice to buffy as a character. to be honest, she deserves fucking better than what everyone in her life gives her, especially the scoobies, who grow to take her for granted and feel entitled to controlling her life as a way of keeping her conformed - again, due to the aforementioned lack of desire to acknowledge this other part of her that they cannot connect with.

which leads to season seven, where spike is the only person on the show who has developed and changed enough to remain at buffy's side helping her carry the burden. while everyone else suffered during season six, none of them opened their eyes to what they were doing to buffy - and if they did, none of them acted on it. spike is the only one to acknowledge the damage he's done and work to become better for buffy in any way he can. he is the only one that ends up able to carry that burden with her because he is the only one capable of facing the truth and acting on his desire to do better.

the fucking problem isn't that he hurt buffy - because to be quite frank everybody did - it's that he's the only person on the whole damn show to acknowledge his place in buffy's life, and to acknowledge the burdens she bears, and actively change himself for her. did you know he has almost all of the genuine apologies in the entire show? seven seasons and all of the harm the scoobies cause buffy, and it's fucking spike that is acting like a mature person capable of being a proper partner.

[mouschiwrites]

hello!

hopefully requests are open rn, but just in case...

Can I request the Ninjas with a shy reader? Like someone who gets flustered really easily, doesn't know how to properly ask for affection, can't order for themselves at a restaurant, ect.

I think this is a really cute trope and I love seeing it in writing!

Oh I totally agree!! As a shy person myself I never get tired of seeing this trope hehe <3

Ninjago - Ninjas With a Shy s/o

Jay

I don't think you'll have to worry about asking for affection with him

If anything, you'll have to worry about asking for some space

Jay's super affectionate when it comes to romance, and he gets so lost in his loverboy haze that he won't see your "stop" signs unless you express them explicitly

But he does love seeing you all flustered

For him it's a sign that his love is getting to you (in a good way!)

He gets the biggest grin when he can make you blush, and he practically melts when you avert your gaze bashfully

"Aww, look at you being all shy. You're adorable."

Probably pinches your cheek too, that corny dude (we still love him though <3)

Jay can also be pretty anxious when it comes to social situations, but that goes out the window when it comes to you

Definitely will do the "excuse me they asked for no pickles!! >:(" thing, just for you <33

And he does NOT tolerate other people making you shy

As soon as he notices you're blushing or looking away because of someone else, he's at your side in an instant helping you escape the situation

totally not because he's jealous

Zane

He thinks it's cute that you're shy :)

He loves the way your cheeks turn pink when he complements you, or the way you fiddle nervously when you don't know what to say

You're so adorable to him

Whenever he manages to fluster you a bit, he gets a little grin and does an internal happy dance

But if he flusters you too much he feels bad

He doesn't want to actually breach any boundaries with you

But he's usually careful about that, keeping the affection pretty light so you don't get embarrassed (but he still gives you enough that you know he loves you <3)

Unfortunately that means that you're going to have to work up some real courage if you want something more

I feel like he's got this duality when it comes to social situations...

On the one hand, he has no trouble standing up for the ones he loves (you) when they need it

He'll totally step up for you when the time comes

But at the same time he's a little shy himself, and he's not going to do anything too drastic

Like if someone is making you uncomfortable, he'll just tug your sleeve and give you the "let's get out of here" look

Kai

He also thinks it's super cute that you're shy

But I feel like he'd also encourage you to stand up for yourself more often

He LOVES making you flustered though

It's just so easy

One wink and you're red as a firetruck... but he likes to get more creative than that

Compliments and pda galore man,,, someone stop this fiend

He does it because yes, it does make you all shy and that's adorable, but also because he wants you to build a tolerance to it (if that makes sense)

He wants you to become at least a little less shy, only for your own benefit

He's happy to stand up for you, or ask you what you need instead of you having to bring it up yourself, but what he'd really love is for you to have some initiative

The first time you compliment him back, or order your own food, he is OVER THE MOON

You thought he was affectionate before? Be prepared for a whole new level of love when he gets all proud like that

He still thinks it's cute when you get shy though, so he's not going to change you completely

Mans just wants you to have a bit more confidence!

Because you're amazing and you deserve that much at least 😤

Cole

He's chill with you being shy

Yes, he thinks it's cute, but he also recognizes it as a potential problem in your relationship

Not in a "something we might break up over" way though!! I must emphasize this!!

More in a "something I need to be conscious about" way

Like, he knows that you struggle sometimes, so he'll try to compensate :)

He'll ask you if you want affection, or just give it to you when he thinks you need it

He's already walking in front of you when you approach the fast food counter, ready to order for you

And in social situations he offers his hand for you to hold, not only for anxiety but so that you don't get separated

He doesn't mind doing any of this one bit btw :)

If anything, he sees it as a way to prove his love for you

But he's also not going to make a big deal about it or hold it over your head or anything

He does all of it as if it's the most casual thing in the world, and the longer you're together, that only becomes more true

Ofc he'd love to see you gain some confidence, but he's also totally fine being your social shield and advocate :)

Lloyd

Definitely teases you about how shy you are (specifically about how you get so cute when you're shy)

Never mind that he is also pretty shy

Literally all you have to do when he's teasing you is say "you're one to talk" and he's just like:

But on a different note, he does like making you blush :)

He thinks it's cute when you get a little shy, but like Kai he also wants to see you gain a little confidence

His method is different though... prepare for a shower of affection and hype work

Always spends at least two minutes gushing about how gorgeous you are before going out

Dw, he waits for you to stop blushing before you actually go in public

But he makes you agree with him

"You're gorgeous!! Look in the mirror! No, seriously, look. Look how stunning you are!"

And you'll just get a shy grin, giving a little nod

Insecurity? not on his watch

And when you need to confront someone he'll do it, but he makes you come along

He'll hold your hand if you like though :)

Nya

NYA LOVES HER SHY S/O!!!

no im not just saying this because im shy and i want her to love me

She loves being able to stand up for you, being your big strong gf <3

She practically jumps at the opportunity to protect you in social situations

Not to the point that she's overprotective, but you'll definitely feel her eyes on you when you get separated

And she also tries to stay in tune with your implied feelings, since you struggle to express them explicitly

She'll test the waters with remarks like "anything... frustrating happen today?" when she thinks you're mad, or "man, I don't know about you, but I could really use some cuddles..." when she thinks you need affection

She tries to open up opportunities like that for you; whether you take them or not is up to you

But she might get pushy if she's convinced about something, asking more direct questions like "okay, be serious with me: what's wrong?"

She'll make you look at her when you reply

She'll always understand your feelings, but what she doesn't understand is you hiding them from her

You'll have to learn to be a lot more candid and upfront (at least with her) when you date her

She's fine when you're shy in public, and even when you're shy in private to an extent, but what she won't tolerate is you closing yourself off from her

She just wants to know how you're feeling so she knows how to help :(

Thank you so much for this request, I had a lot of fun with this one hehe! And thanks for reading, take care duckies <33

(divider by saradika)

[traumasurvivors]

Here's a link to a blog post on my personal website on a topic that I think is very important.

I've also put it below the read more for people that don't like external links.

When it comes to healing from trauma, there are a lot of emotions an individual may feel. One of these emotions is anger. Anger is one of the emotions I see invalidated the most. For example, I’ve been told that being angry is “letting the person who hurt me win.” I’ve been told that I’m only hurting myself with my anger and that it’s holding me back from healing. All of these assumptions were wrong.

Anger is often viewed as a bad thing because it can drive a lot of unpleasant behaviours but it can be used for good. While anger can hurt you and others, it doesn’t have to. There is a difference between destructive anger and constructive anger. Destructive anger is often expressed in a way that causes harm to yourself or others whereas constructive anger can be used to better understand your situation and figure out your needs. Constructive anger can be a way to show respect for yourself.

For example, if you’re in a situation with a friend where they do something that makes you angry (for example: cancelling plans, forgetting an important date, etc), constructive anger may involve you stepping away from the situation to figure out the cause of your anger (for example: you feel their actions imply you’re not important to them) so that you can then sit down with your friend and communicate in a calm manner. This may allow your relationship to grow and build with a better understanding of each other. Destructive anger in this situation may involve you yelling at your friend and insulting them, which will likely damage or destroy the relationship. If the hurt your friend has caused makes you want to re-evaluate your friendship, this is valid and there are still constructive ways to end a friendship that will cause the least amount of hurt for all involved. It is also important to note that ignoring the anger and bottling up is likely to cause a bigger blow up down the line or cause “overreactions” to other circumstances.

If anger is bottled up, it can end up coming out unintentionally. You might find you’re getting much angrier at everyday annoyances and disagreements than you might think reasonable. People might push you away or respond badly to your anger, because they feel they do not deserve it - and looking back later, you might feel they don’t deserve it, either. However, because of the anger you’re holding back, you can’t see that in the moment. This is why it is important to think and consider your anger, and listen to what it’s trying to tell you. I have found asking questions of myself to analyze my anger can help, such as in an anger inventory like this one.

While many people see anger as an emotion that causes people to lash out and destroy things, anger can also help to motivate people to create new things. Marches to “Take back the night”, or for “gay pride” have much of their motivation based in anger at injustice and oppression. New laws to better protect survivors of domestic abuse or otherwise help society are often driven by people feeling a huge amount of anger. Properly harnessed, anger can help to take action to change things for the better.

On a more personal level, anger can also be a motivator to improve one’s own life. Many people have used the anger they felt at those who put them down as a motivation toward success. That success might be completing schooling, winning an international athletic competition or publishing a novel. One thing all of those have in common is that they are rarely possible to do with only a little time or a little effort. They are time-consuming tasks which usually require months if not years of work. They can be easy to give up on without motivation - and for many, anger is a big help to keeping that motivation.

It took me years to feel anger. For the first while, I felt ashamed, guilty and like I deserved the abuse I’d endured. Feeling angry at the people responsible for this was a step in my healing. I began putting the blame on those responsible and not myself. I was realizing that I did not deserve to be treated in the harmful ways that I was. This was huge to me as someone that had spent years thinking I deserved my trauma and as a result, future trauma and abuse as well.

There were instances where my anger was destructive, mostly to myself. I engaged in self-harm as a way to vent my anger and it also caused problems in my relationship at the time because I held my anger in and would get really frustrated and project my anger onto my relationship which was not fair to my partner.

Over the years, I’ve learned to cope with my anger more efficiently. What works for someone is largely dependent on them and their needs. For me, it was a literal punching bag to vent out frustrations and journaling. It was sitting down with my anger and treating it like a friend trying to protect me (because it was in a way). It was listening to it and finding the cause. My true anger came from those who hurt me, and in a way, took a part of me. My anger largely came from grief and betrayal. Understanding where it came from did not make it disappear, but it did offer me perspective and allow me to better manage it.

For some, anger is a cover up for other emotions. It becomes a defense mechanism against feeling the sadness, hurt and other emotions that a person does not want to feel. The anger is just the first layer and understanding where that anger comes from, and that the anger is a cover up is a great step in moving beyond it. Feeling the emotions beneath it will play a big part in moving beyond the anger.

Anger is a valid and understandable emotion when it comes to healing from trauma, even if your trauma does not have a specific person to blame (natural disasters and death of a loved one are examples). If the person who hurt you did not mean to or did not know better (like another child), anger is still a valid emotion. You’ve been hurt and you should not have been and it is reasonable to feel angry at this.

For a lot of us, anger plays a part in our healing. And that’s okay! You’re allowed to feel angry. Anger becomes an issue when you allow it to consume you and hurt you or others. The feeling itself is not inherently bad, and it can actually be a good thing. Your anger can be used to help you. It’s what you do with your anger that decides whether it’s helpful to you or not. When I was first told that my anger was “letting the other person win,” I believed that and felt invalidated. I have since realized that my anger has been an important part in understanding my pain and my needs. My anger is not letting someone else win, but letting me win, by helping me to heal.

[softerglow]

confidence building tips

i'm probably going to make in depth posts on a couple of these, so let me know if there's anything specific you want me to elaborate on. wishing love and prosperity to all <3

stand up for yourself. if you find that someone's talking down to you or making backhanded comments, shut it down politely. the first couple of times it will be hard but this will build amazing trust with yourself, which is an amazing boost to your confidence.

practice body neutrality. stop letting yourself speak and think badly of your body, it only inspires further insecurity. correct any mean statements you make about your features by replacing them with a positive. make a point of writing down things you like about your body and what your body does for you. stop consuming media that causes you to compare your body with anyone else's.

acknowledge your achievements. celebrate yourself when you've done well, even if it's a tiny achievement. you deserve to feel joy for the things you have achieved.

complete tasks. if you've set out to do something, do it. this will give you a little dopamine rush and relay a message in your brain: you can do it. being reliable is an amazing trait to have as a person and it helps you boost your confidence.

have a growth mindset. acknowledge your weaknesses and failures without labelling them as bad. anything you aren't good at is something to work on, not something to give up on and mope about over. resolve yourself to take small steps towards improvement everyday.

surround yourself with confident people. look at your friends and the people who you choose to keep in your life. do they encourage you to achieve your goals? do they strive to keep growing as people themselves? focus on building and maintaining relationships with people who make you feel secure in yourself and help you grow.

stick to your values and know what they are. don't give in to people pleasing anymore and work hard to live by the things you know are right.

have a balanced lifestyle. eat well, exercise, sleep properly and manage your stress levels. devote time to being productive, relaxing, engaging in spirituality and mindfulness, and spend time with people you care about. burnout is just about the worst thing for confidence, so take steps to avoid it.

practice positive self affirmation. tell yourself that you are beautiful, kind, confident, intelligent and strong. tell yourself that you make good choices. you're disciplined. you're amazing. people in your life love and admire you. remind yourself of these things until you believe it.

~*

i'm dealing with some medical issues atm, so i'm sorry for not posting yesterday. i'm trying to stay consistent even if i'm not 100%. thank you for the support so far <3

[makeitmingi]

Cause Baby You're My Muse [Chapter 60]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.

Word count: 4.5K

[A/N: Longer chapter to end off the series! Thank you everyone who has been patient with me and supporting me through this series.]

You took a deep breath as you stepped out of the airport. Haneul followed close, holding onto the end of your jacket as she yawned tiredly, rubbing her eye. Poor thing was half asleep, following you and trying not to sleep while walking.

*I'm home.* You smiled softly as you pushed the luggage cart through. It was 4 am in Korea so the airport was relatively empty.

"Unnie? I'm sleepy." Haneul whined.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry, let's go home and get some sleep." You chuckled. Just as you were about to get a cab, a van pulled up in front of you. You blinked in confusion until the driver came out.

"Joong?!" You yelped. Hongjoong gave you a sleepy smile as he stepped out, hugging you tightly.

"What are you doing here? It's 4 am. You should be sleeping!" You asked in shock but hugged him back nonethless.

"Ah, I can always sleep later. Of course I would be here to welcome my baby sister home. And even babier... sister?" Hongjoong chuckled, patting Haneul's head.

"Yeah, the princess is sleepy." You giggled. Hongjoong nodded and you both loaded the bags into the back. You made sure Haneul was comfortably seated in the back with the seatbelt on. Hongjoong even reclined the seat slightly for her to sleep. Then he opened the door for you to enter the passenger seat.

"I think this is the first time I've seen you drive." You chuckled.

"Really? I guess I don't have much opportunities to drive at all. Honestly, I'm surprised the manager hyungs let me take the van." He said, starting the engine.

"Well, I'm grateful you came nonetheless." You said as he pulled away from the sidewalk and drove to where your apartment was.

This new apartment was arranged close to the HYBE building, put together, prepared and arranged by the Big Hit team for your return to Korea.

The 2 year overseas stint was done and with investigations over, you could safely return with Haneul. Turns out, it was KQ CEO's own personal assistant that sent you those threats.

She caught you and Mingi once and was jealous. She thought she could get close to the boys, being the CEO's personal assistant, and possibly form a relationship with one of them. But it didn't work. She hated that you got close with them so quickly.

Once investigations were concluded, she was taken to jail. There was news article about it. But the details of the case was not made public.

"How was the flight?" Hongjoong asked, breaking your train of thought.

"Stuffy and long. It feels good to be out of there, I can finally stretch my legs properly and the air isn't so stale anymore. Plus, it feels good to be home." You let out a long exhale.

"Yeah, those kidns of flights always feel too long. Are all your stuff in the new place already?" He continued.

"Hmmm, not yet. Most of our stuff are but I had some last minute stuff to pack. They'll get shipped over in due time. But I think I have enough to unpack and keep me busy for a bit." You sighed.

"We'll help in any way that we can since we're on vacation." He told you. Ateez had finished touring and completed yet another successful comeback season. Now, they were on their well deserved vacation time.

"Alright, here we are." Hongjoong pulled up into the carpark. You turned around to see Haneul fast asleep.

"If you can help me put her on my back, I'll piggy back her up to the apartment." Hongjoong said, noticing your concern before you could even voice it.

"Really? She's not exactly a little kid anymore." You asked with uncertainty, you didn't want him injuring his back somehow.

"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have offered. Come." Hongjoong got out. You opened the door and unbuckled Haneul's seat belt. You carefully moved her onto Hongjoong's awaiting back.

"There we go." He stood up, making sure the support her bottom.

"Let's bring her up before coming to get the bags. You shouldn't be carrying all of them on your own." He said.

"Alright. I'll just take my small bag." You took your cabin bag. You tapped the access card on the lift panel to go up and put in the password on the door lock. Big Hit assured you that this apartment compelx had the best security, which was your main concern. You held the door open for Hongjoong to enter.

"This way?" He asked. You nodded, showing him Haneul's own room. Luckily, you had made sure that she had a bed upon arrival. You removed the vinyl covering and Hongjoong placed her down.

"Let's bring the bags up." You said to him. The both of you brought up all the bags in one trip.

"Just hold on a second. Let me get Haneul settled." You rushed back to Haneul's room to remove her jacket and shoes.

"Thanks again, Joong."

"Stop thanking me." Hongjoong laughed. You looked around the house, some furniture was set up as per your request. The moving boxes were neatly piled in a corner.

"I need to order some groceries to the house. Hopefully they will get here by morning." You rubbed your forehead while scrolling on your phone.

"Or we can go get some stuff in the morning." Hongjoong suggested, settling beside you on the couch. You let out a contemplative hum. You sighed and leaned against his shoulder, his hand coming up to pat your head.

"Wooyoung and Jongho would kill me when they wake up, knowing I came to pick you and Haneul without them." He chuckled.

"Ooh yeah, can't help you out of that one." You winced. Hongjoong pulled away to shoot you a glare.

"What? You know it's true. Wooyoung loves me and Haneul has Jongho wrapped around her little finger, the moment they are together, they're inseparable." You shrugged.

"I don't want to die. My vacation just started." Hongjoong groaned.

"You are more than welcome to crash here for the rest of the night." You patted his thigh.

"I may just take you up on that offer since I don't want to drive back. But what about you? Please don't tell me you're going to pull an all nighter and unpack." He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm going to shower first then unpack the necessities at least. It is going to take a while for Haneul and I to get over the time difference. Might as well use the time to be productive somehow." You stood up, going to your luggage to get the small soaps that you had packed with you. Hongjoong let out a defeated sigh.

"When do you start work?" Hongjoong asked with a yawn, turning to lay across the couch now that you were not sitting there.

"Two weeks? Need time to settle the moving stuff, Haneul's school and get over jetlag." You rubbed your eye as you sat in front of your luggage to get sleepwear out.

"Alright, I'm going to shower." You announced as you stood up. Hongjoong nodded and waved you off.

"Indi?" He called out. You turned around, blinking.

"Welcome home." He gave you a sleepy smile. You couldn't help the soft smile that formed.

"Feels good to be home, Joong. And call me (y/n)." You said softly and went into the bathroom. You were grateful Hongjoong was the first person you saw when you stepped off the plane.

Seeing Hongjoong made you feel more calm and collected, just having him around was comforting enough. Mingi didn't know you were coming home today though, you wanted to keep it a secret and surprise him later on.

When you came out, Hongjoong was fast asleep, snoring softly. You took the blanket you had in your suitcase and covered him with it.

"Now, let's unpack." You sighed softly, sitting in front of the luggages and boxes with the necessities you and Haneul would need before you could get to the other stuff.

"Luckily there's no dust." You noted, putting Haneul's clothes in her closet. You went over to her sleeping form.

"I love you." You kissed her head and slept beside her instead of your own bed.

By the time you woke up, you heard Haneul speaking to someone outside. It wasn't just Hongjoong's voice though. You poked your head out to see Haneul on Jongho's lap.

"You just can't resist her, can you?" You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms. Jongho shrugged, focusing back on Haneul.

"Wooyoung hyung went to get food for all of us. Hongjoong hyung drove him. You can go back to sleep if you want, I got it covered here." Jongho informed, gesturing to Haneul busy drawing with him at the table. You nodded and yawned, waving to the two before collapsing back onto the bed.

"Indigo... Wake up..." You didn't feel like you slept long before Wooyoung was laying in bed with you, wrapping his arms around you to snuggle.

"Hi, Woo." You opened your eyes.

"Welcome home. I missed you." He smiled softly, holding your face to give you a big smooch on your cheek.

"I missed you too. All of you." You chuckled, draping your arms and legs over him just like he was your own bolster. You let out a tired sigh, eyes closing again.

"As much as I would love to cuddle, I told Hongjoong hyung I would get you up to get some food in you." Wooyoung chuckled.

"Alright, let's not get in trouble with Joong. Oh and Woo? Call me (y/n)." You pushed yourself up and got out of bed to wash up, leaving a stunned Wooyoung there. You heard him yell in the room.

"Unnie!" Haneul grinned from her spot on the couch. She jumped down and ran over to hug you.

"Hey, baby." You leaned down to hug her, patting her butt and kissing her head. She held your hand, following you to the bathroom. She stood at the door, waiting for you to brush your teeth, wash your hair and do your skincare.

"Are you tired, baby? It'll be a while for us to adjust back to Korean time." You chuckled, combing her hair after you combed her own. She shook her head.

"I'm not sleepy."

"Alright, alright." You patted her head. You knew she wasn't tired now but she will definitely feel it later.

"Let's go eat!" She pulled you along to the living room where the boys were sitting at the dining table already, with disposable cutlery since you haven't unpacked any kitchen stuff.

"Sorry for the mess of the house. And the lack of kitchen utensils." You apologised.

"You just came back this morning, it's completely understandable. No need to apologise." Jongho chuckled, pulling the chair out for Haneul to sit next to you. Wooyoung slid an iced coffee over to you. You took a sip and let out a blissful sigh of gratefulness. The coffee machine also wasn't set up yet.

"I got you some basic groceries. Not sure what you use specifically but we got the princess some yoghurt, milk, eggs, your iced coffee, etc." Wooyoung informed.

"You guys are life savers. Let me know how much it costs and I'll wire you back." You said, taking a portion of food for Haneul.

"No need. Take it as a welcome back gift. And don't argue with me." Wooyoung shook his head.

"What's your plan after this?" Hongjoong asked.

"I'm gonna see Mingi's mom. Then surprise Mings at the dorm." You replied, chewing your food. You leaned over to help Haneul wipe the sauce off her lip.

"Sleepover?!" Haneul's eyes brightened, looking over at you. You couldn't help but laugh at how excited she looked.

"We'll see." You said. You didn't want the boys, especially Jongho, to think that you were always leaving Haneul with them. At some point, you didn't want Haneul to think that you were never around too. So you would have to consider it.

When you were done, the boys helped you with clearing up. You were feeling a little stressed, knowing you still had to do the unpacking of the house.

"Why are you frowning?" Hongjoong came up behind you, massaging your shoulders as you were washing your hands in the kitchen sink.

"Moving is always stressful. Knowing how much more there is to be done is worrying." You sighed.

"I know me telling you not to stress won't really help. But seriously, count on us to help you with all this. You and Haneul can stay with any of us if you'd like." He comforted.

"Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without any of you." You leaned against the counter.

"Suffer." Hongjoong teased, making you jab him in the ribs.

After a bit, you got yourself and Haneul ready before the boys dropped you off at Mingi's mother's apartment. You chewed on your bottom lip as you stood at the lip. You didn't know how much she knew about what happened. She would know that you and Mingi separated right?

"Unnie, are you okay?" Haneul looked up at you. She wanted to buy Mingi's mother a 'present' too so you prepared a little fruit basket for her to give. She was a lot more excited than you.

"I'm fine, baby. Don't worry." You smiled and pressed the lift to go up. The lady might yell at you and kick you out of her house.

She had every right to.

"We're here." You said, stopping before the door. Haneul put the basket down, tip toeing to press the doorbell. You gulped as you heard the door lock beep.

"Hello?" Mrs Song opened the door. She seemed to pause when you saw her. The first thing you did was bow deeply.

"Omonim, I-" She cut you off, pulling you into hug. You blinked in confusion, not really expecting her to hug you. Haneul giggled beside you.

"Let's talk inside." She pulled away, smiling at you softly. You nodded and let Haneul in. She removed her shoes before holding out the fruits basket out to Mingi's mother with the biggest grin ever. Mrs Song cooed and bent down.

"My name is Haneul." She introduced.

"Thank you, Haneulie. This is really sweet of you. I'm Mingi oppa's omma. You can call me omonim too." She received the basket and gave Haneul a hug.

"So this is the famous (y/n)." A deep male voice said. Your eyes widened as you saw an older man sitting on the couch.

"Mr Song, it's nice to meet you. I'm (y/n)." You bowed to Mingi's father. He was tall as well, features similar to Mingi's. He chuckled and stood up, moving to stand in front of you.

"It's nice to finally meet you too, (y/n). I can see why my son has fallen head over heels for you."

"Jagiya! Don't embarrass our son." Mrs Song hit her husband's shoulder.

"Just call me abonim, no need for Mr Song. It's too formal. We're family here." He shook his head. You nodded and bowed your head. You waved Haneul over to introduce herself to Mingi's father. She bowed formally before introducing herself. Just like everyone else, you could see the way he melted when Haneul spoke.

"(y/n)." Mrs Song called you over as Haneul was distracted by Mr Song. You went over to the kitchen. Seeing that it was finally the two of you, you finally did what you wanted to do.

"I'm so sorry for everything I, omonim. I don't deserve-"

"Stop." She cut you off. You squeezed your eyes, awaiting the lecture that was coming.

"(y/n)..." She called and you straightened up. You could see how she softened and reached out to hug you tightly. You wrapped your arms around her.

"It's not been easy, hasn't it?" She whispered.

"No... It has not..." Your bottom lip quivered as tears threatened to fall again. At that point, you knew that she knew what really happened.

"I hurt him so bad, omonim. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." You shook your head. She rubbed your back.

"(y/n), you went through a lot. I know you didn't intentionally hurt him. I don't blame you, abonim doesn't blame you. You went through a lot on your own and you had to be strong for Haneul. You didn't deserve to go through that." She pulled away, staring at you.

"You did it because you wanted to keep Mingi safe. You wanted to keep Haneul and Ateez safe. I understand." She rubbed your arm. You nodded your head.

"I'm just glad you and Mingi worked it out." Grabbing a tissue, she wiped your tears.

"I don't deserve his forgiveness, or any of yours."

"Let's not talk about who doesn't deserve what. Because Mingi would say he doesn't deserve such a selfless person like yourself. Every couple goes through hardships." She smiled softly.

"I'm glad Mingi didn't let you get away. I knew that you weren't the type to just break his heart and leave." She said.

"Thank you for everything." You hugged her again.

"Nothing to thank me for. Now, I have two daughters to care for." She giggled, looking over at how Haneul was now seated on Mingi's father's lap, animatedly telling him something. He had a fatherly smile on his face as he listened to her intently. You couldn't help the laugh that escaped you.

"So have you gone to see my pabo son yet?" Mrs Song asked as she moved to cut up the fruit that Haneul gave her.

"Hmm, not yet. He doesn't even know I'm back. I'm planning to surprise him later on at the dorm but I wanted to drop by here first. It's been too long." You said, leaning back against the counter.

"How was it? Living in America."

"It was interesting, I learnt a lot there in terms of work. Culture is different too. But nothing beats being at home." You shrugged.

"Oh yes, I forgot Mingi told me that you signed to a big company. But of course, home is still the best. Home is where your family is." She chuckled. You nodded in agreement.

"Alright, you two. Let's have some fruit." Mrs Song brought the cut fruit out to Mr Song and Haneul.

"Abonim." Haneul beamed and held out the pick with an pear slice at the end. Mr Song chuckled and leaned down to take a bite, patting Haneul's head. You grabbed an apple slice and handed it to Mrs Song, who was seated on the couch beside her husband.

"Is this what it's like having daughters?" Mr Song asked, staring at Haneul and you fondly.

"Right? I said the same thing when I first met (y/n)." Mrs Song giggled. You laughed, knowing Mingi and his brother would not be amused at their parents fawning over having daughters.

"I think I like having two daughters." Mr Song tapped his chin.

"Better not let your sons hear you say that." Mrs Song slapped his arm lightly.

"Please like you don't tell Mingi that you like (y/n) more." He rolled his eyes. The way they joked and interacted, you hoped that you could be like that with Mingi one day.

When the fruit was finished and you spent some time with Mingi's parents, you got ready to leave to Mingi, Seonghwa and San's shared dorm. You didn't want to go too late, especially with Mingi already having texted you a few times while you were at his parents' place. Haneul hugged the two.

"See you next time!" She giggled, hugging them tightly.

"Yes, you are welcome any time. Good girl. Be good to your unnie." Mrs Song chuckled, hugging her. She nodded her head and went to hug Mingi's father.

"Come back soon, alright?" He kissed her head and hugged her tightly. You melted, glad they got along well with her.

"Bring her back to me soon. And yourself too, (y/n)." Mr Song said, hugging you.

"I will, abonim. Thank you for having us and entertaining Haneul. Please take care." You chuckled. Then you moved on to Mingi's mother, who hugged you extra tight.

"Don't stay away for too long." She told you.

"I won't. Take care." You bid them goodbye with a final bow before leaving. With Haneul by your side, you called for a cab to take the two of you over to the dorm. During the drive, Haneul fell asleep. Poor thing, she was probably fighting the sleep for a long time.

When the cab pulled up to the dorm, you sent San and Seonghwa a message to let them know you were downstairs. You had to wake Haneul up.

"No..." She whined.

"I'm sorry, baby. You can sleep soon." You apologised, really feeling bad. You should have properly let her adjust to the time difference instead of drag her out with you the entire day.

"Hey." You greeted San and Seonghwa. Seonghwa hugged you while San helped a sleepy Haneul to his room.

"I missed you." Seonghwa hugged you tightly.

"I missed you too, Hwa." You relaxed in his arms, smiling. When San came back out after helping you settle Haneul into his bed, you hugged him too.

"Good to have you back, Indigo." He chuckled, stroking your head. You hummed in agreement. Seonghwa went to the kitchen to get you a drink. You received the glass of juice and took a sip, sitting on the couch with them for a while. San had informed you that Mingi was napping so he didn't come out to greet you.

"I shouldn't have dragged Haneul out. Poor girl, she's probably exhausted." You sighed.

"She'll adjust soon. Don't worry too much. She can sleep in my bed for as long as she needs." San smiled kindly.

"Thank you." You smiled. The way all the boys were just always ready to help you and Haneul melted your heart. They really treated you both like family.

"As much as I would like to catch up with you, this is the perfect time to surprise Mingi." Seonghwa said.

"Right. I hope he's still asleep." You put the glass down and stood up. San and Seonghwa watched in amusement.

"Good luck." San wished. You pressed your ear against Mingi's door to hear if he was awake. There was no sound of movement or Mingi's voice, which meant that he was still asleep.

You took a deep breath, it had been so long since you've seen Mingi physically that your heart was pounding. You slowly turned the door knob and crept in. Mingi was still sleeping, tucked under the blanket with his back to you. Getting in bed behind him, you hugged him.

"Ugh, San?" Mingi croaked out with a groan. San was known to go to the other members' rooms to cuddle so he must have assumed you were him.

"What time is it? Go back to your own bed and let me sleep..." He clicked his tongue.

"Fine. If that's what you want, I'll go." You chuckled. You felt Mingi's body freeze in your hold. His head whipped around and his eyes widening as he looked at your face.

"BABY?!" He sat up and looked at you as if he was dreaming, rubbing his eyes.

"What are you doing here?!" He asked.

"Surprising you." You laughed at his expression. Mingi's hands immediately came to cup your cheeks, pulling you to him so he could press his lips to yours.

"Wait, when did you come back? I'm confused, you didn't mention this to me at all when we texted or called. I'm not actually dreaming, am I?" He pulled you to his chest to hug you.

"You just kissed me and you're physically hugging me now, pabo. How can you still think you're dreaming? And I already said that it's a surprise, that's why I didn't tell you. I came back early this morning, Joong came to pick me up at the airport." You laughed. Mingi scratched his head, letting all this sink in.

"How long are you back for, baby?" He asked, fingers coming to weave through your hair as he held your cheek.

"Forever. I'm staying forever, Mings." You softened.

"Y-You are?" His voice shook, as if he couldn't believe what you were saying right now. You nodded with a hum, wrapping your arms around him as you sat in his lap.

"I missed you so much. Now I have you with me forever." He looked at you, pressing his forehead against yours.

"Yes, no more distance." You said softly.

"If you two are done with your reunion, could you come out, please?" Someone knocked on the bedroom door. You and Mingi looked at each other in confusion. You went to open the door.

"Welcome home, Indigo!" All the Ateez boys were there with Seonghwa holding a cake.

"Shhh, Haneul is sleeping." San reminded and Jongho nodded, looking at everyone threateningly. They wouldn't dare be loud now.

"Guys..." You softened, not expecting them to be the one to surprise you. You soon felt Mingi's presence behind you, he put his hands on your shoulders.

"Thank you for welcoming me home. It feels good to be back with all of you. And please, we're family, aren't we? Family calls me (y/n)." You looked at all of them. They all stared at you with soft smiles at the mention of your real name. You went over to greet Yeosang and Yunho with hugs since you haven't seen them.

"Good to have you back, (y/n)." Yunho whispered. You nodded and patted his back. With everything that happened, you're glad you and Yunho could come to an understanding and work things out.

"You've lost weight. Have you not been eating well?" Yeosang chided as he lifted you up.

"I have been, I promise!" You laughed, slapping his shoulder.

"Now that she's back, we'll make sure she's really eating well. We ordered a lot food to celebrate! So eat up." Hongjoong said. You giggled and nodded, about to follow behind the boys to where the food was.

"Mings?" You blinked when you felt him hold your wrist to stop you. You turned back to him, only for him to tug you to him, until you fell against his chest.

"Welcome home, baby. You're finally home where you belong." Mingi whispered. You melted, looking up at him before you hugged him back, your ear pressed to his chest to hear his heartbeat.

"I love you, Mings." You said.

"I love you too, my muse. I'm never letting you go again." He kissed the top of your head, holding you just a little tighter.

You couldn't agree more. Home was here, with Hanuel, Mr and Mrs Song, Ateez and Mingi. These people were your family, people you knew you could rely on and count on. And you wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

~

Series Masterlist

[melobin]

just thinking abt palming sweet inexperienced anton in the library, and then riding him 🥴

but tutoring the sweet innocent boy anton from your class !! he needs help with something and he knows you’re good at it so he shyly asks you if you’ll help him out, having not spoke to you much before he’s nervous but you say yes… of course you do. he’d be shy meeting with you, the two of you sat in the corner of the library, he’s paying attention to what you’re saying and trying his hardest to understand but he’s also distracted. he just thinks you’re so pretty and the outfit you picked showed parts of your skin and whilst it was just your arms and neck, it still got to him. he’s sweet, inexperienced, hasn’t properly felt the touch of a woman, especially one that looked like you so he was sweating a little in his seat. you’d notice how distracted he was and question him about it to which he’d only get more nervous and stutter.

that’s when your eyes fall to his lap and you see how strained his trousers are, poor boy is so hard day next to you that he’s got sweat building up on his forehead. you think he’s cute, especially when he gasps as you rest your hand on his upper thigh. you look up at him through your lashes and press the palm of your hand against the bulge in his trousers. he felt like he could cum on the spot then but he tried his hardest to maintain composure.

thinking of sweet anton getting flustered and somehow even harder when you speak to him, your voice seeming smoother than before “you know, you done so well tonight I think you deserve a break. I’m sure I have some other things I can teach you back at my place” he almost combusts on the spot but stop himself, instead he ends up completely losing his mind when you’re fucking himself on his thick cock after bringing him back to your place, taking away his innocence in the filthiest way you know how

[icallhimjoey]

Over Now

♥ ♥  rockstar!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: In this sequel to "Only Now", you've moved away from Hawkins and it's something you should've done much sooner. It's the best choice you've made, it all works, until Eddie finds your address and stops by for a visit.

CW / disclaimer: 18+, language, fem!reader, smut, angst

Author’s note: a couple of you found my askbox and talked me into this after i answered an ask about Only Now, and with a little inspiration courtesy of @ghostinthebackofyourhead that kickstarted all of this, we find ourselves here. I hope you enjoy!

Wordcount: 9.6K

(find all four parts of this story here)

You wanted days to speed up. Have the sun travel across the width of the sky faster. Blink your eyes a few times and accidentally have a few hours pass you by entirely without you having noticed. If you could, you’d skip a full year. You envisioned yourself a year from now, and she seemed strong. Twelve months would be plenty of time for her to have gathered up enough strength to arm herself properly. She probably didn’t think about it every day. About him every day. She was probably happy. Strong, and successful and happy. You wished every day for time fast forward, just so you’d get to meet her sooner.

"You should leave," you whispered into the dark, hearing the city wake up outside of your windows, the hustle and bustle slowly picking up.

"Not yet," Eddie stated it so matter of factly that you didn't even feel like you could fight it. If Eddie decided to stay, you both knew he was going to stay. Eddie knew it was what you wanted, and Eddie knew you wouldn't fight him on it. But you had to be strong. Find the strength somewhere. Somehow.

At New Year's Eve, a couple of weeks after Eddie had left you with a little note that read "Merry Christmas x", you were doing a round of sharing your resolutions for the next year. You had decided yours on the spot and had blurted it out without having given it much thought.

"I'm going to move out of Hawkins."

And everyone had looked at you like it was the wildest thing they'd ever heard, laughed at you as if you were joking, like they had done when Dustin said he was going to start going to the gym. Not Steve though. Steve had hooked an arm around your neck, pulled you in so he could speak directly into your ear and said, "Coolest resolution of the bunch."

What Steve hadn't anticipated is that a mere two, two and a half weeks later, he'd be stood outside of the apartment building you used to share, ready to say goodbye and wave you off. You'd packed up all your belongings into your shitty car and were ready to get out of Hawins. Just, leave. For ever? Never to return? You weren't sure. You'd see.

“I know you have to leave, but, if you really think about it, what’s another week?” Steve tried, leaning his elbows in your open car window. It was too cold for it to be rolled all the way down, mid-January the temperatures were freezing, but you had something to say to Steve still, and you wouldn’t leave before you’d said it. Could you have told him inside? Absolutely. But it would’ve postponed your plans, and you had procrastinated enough. Years, if you really thought about it. You should've gotten out when Nancy and Jonathan had done, but, you know, you clearly hadn't.

“Shut up,” you completely dismissed Steve’s attempt at another week with you in Hawkins and he let his head drop in defeat.

“I need to say things to you,” you said, and Steve was quick to whip his head back up. You kept your engine running but slumped your shoulders and let your hands fall into your lap as you gave him a little pout.

“No, don’t,” Steve warned you.

“I have to,” you took a deep breath, and before Steve could block his ears with his fingers, you got the words out fast. “I don’t deserve you, you are by far the best friend, too good for this world, I can’t believe I’m leaving you behind- I love you!” all your words blended and built up in volume until you were practically screaming. They weren’t the words Steve was expecting, so when he lowered his arms, you snuck them in real fast: “Please come with me!”

“No!” Steve was too late; the words found his ears without any obstruction, and he waved his arms in frustration as he turned away from your car.

Your play back and forth of you begging Steve to join you, and him very actively avoiding every single talk you tried to have with him about it, had been going since the start. Ever since you dropped the comment that you should probably just get out of Hawkins all together, you’d been saying you should both go. He had threatened you at the start, “Careful, or I’ll do it!”, thinking it would make you stop the bit, but knowing there was a slight chance he’d actually consider it only made you press it more.

Steve took a few steps, circled back to your car, and pretended he was about to take a dive across you, aiming for your passenger seat. Just for a second, you thought he was actually going to go for it, and it made you squeal in panic filled laughter. Instead, Steve just leant through your window, found your shoulders with both his hands, and pulled you in for the most awkward hug.

“I’ll come visit soon,”

“Promise?”

“Of course, idiot.” Steve’s grip tightened. “I promise.”

A fresh start. New beginnings. New surroundings. It was what your mother said you’d needed for years. It was what Steve was hellbent on you getting for years.

You’d done enough scooping of popcorn into buckets at the movie theater, only to sweep up half of it two hours later from under the seats – a dead end job, but easy money made. Enough to pay rent, have a little fun and even save up a little.

You’d saved up enough to get yourself through two months of rent in the city, no problem. The urge to immediately find work wasn’t there, but when you moved into your new, much smaller, apartment above a bar that had a sign in the window that read BAR STAFF WANTED you thought, "Perfect.".

It was late February when Steve got word that Eddie was coming back into town. That’s soon, Steve thought. Usually, Eddie would leave much longer periods in between visits. Maybe they were playing somewhere close, and Eddie would just pop down for the day, he thought, secretly pleased that you’d decided to move away when you did.  

Eddie didn’t even seem fazed when he walked up to greet Steve. Didn’t look around. Didn’t do a double take. And then, didn’t even ask, but just smiled and hugged Steve, patted him on the back and followed him inside.

Small talk.

Steve was astounded by the surface level of small talk Eddie made. Has the weather been good? Munson, it’s February. Of course not. It’s been grey skies and wet cold. Has he also been sick? Wayne told him a bug had half of Hawkins knocked out a couple weeks ago. Steve had a cough for a few days but was fine otherwise. Got all his fingers still? Eddie knew Steve liked lighting fireworks with Dustin, Mike, the others, anyone who would still come back from college, from jobs, had time to visit family over New Year’s Eve. Steve showed him all ten.   

Then Eddie started talking about tour. The band. The gigs. The crowds. Steve loved Eddie’s stories, could honestly listen to him for hours, but he couldn't give him his full attention. Steve was listening to Eddie through your ears. Watching him through your eyes. It was like everything had to pass through a filter of you before it reached Steve, and it slowly built annoyance.  

The last time Steve and Eddie had spoken, just the two of them, had been on the ice. When Lover's Lake had frozen over, Robin had taken you on a slippery, scary ride as she had run off with you and he'd stopped Eddie to ask him, was he even really aware of it? Of what he was doing? Did he ever stop to think what his behavior meant for you? Eddie hadn't appreciated Steve placing full blame with him; what Eddie's behavior meant for you. Not, what you were doing to Eddie.  

Steve had told him to at least be mindful. When Eddie had scoffed, had said that he was being mindful, Steve revealed how a couple of months ago he had sat outside of your locked bathroom for hours. Listened to you cry silently in between echoing spasmed breaths and sobs. "Don't put her through that again, man." Steve's eyes shone with sadness. It annoyed Eddie greatly as he watched you and Robin laughing together, holding hands as you carefully made your way back to them over the ice.  

Eddie didn't think he was doing anything to you. He was just being nice, wasn't he? Would hold you while you slept. Said nice things into your hair. Held your hand on walks. Squeezed your thighs underneath tables. Kissed you on the couch. These were all nice things; things you wanted, things you didn't shy away from, things you happily accepted from him. This is how you were together. Frankly, how you'd always been together. How much worse would it be if he didn't do any of those things at all? If he grew distant all of the sudden? If he just... stopped?  

"Be mindful, s'all." Steve said just before you slid back into earshot.  

And Eddie had tried for like, an hour maybe. Steve was a good friend and had come to him with difficult things to say, so Eddie tried. Even if he didn't like it. Eddie tried. Kept a little more distance. Didn't sling an arm around you as you walked back to Robin's car together. Called shot gun so he didn't have to share the backseat with you. Didn't use pet names. Didn't look at you and smiled until his eyes crinkled. And then they'd all felt it. They had all seen your angry glances at Steve. Had felt the mood shift. Had felt the sudden tension in the air. Had felt your complete rejection of whatever it was that Steve wanted for you. He wasn't meant to interfere like that, you thought. So when you'd reached for Eddie's hand when you'd gotten out of the car, Eddie had looked at Steve. Told him, I'm not doing anything, with his eyes. It's her.  

So Steve was glad you weren't there. But Steve was annoyed that Eddie didn't even acknowledge that.  

"You staying over at Wayne's?" Steve asked once Eddie let a silence fall. Eddie never stayed at Wayne's on his visits, but without prospect of staying over at your place, Steve thought he kind of had to. 

"I guess," Eddie shrugged.  

Steve waited. Still nothing.  

"Speaking of, I should probably head over and go see my old man." Eddie spoke through a stretch, arms all up in the air, fingers interlocked, palms out. Then he sighed deeply and got up, went to get his coat from the hallway as Steve moved their used glasses to the kitchen. "Promised he'd make me more meatloaf since I didn't get to take any with me last time," Eddie joked halfheartedly and smiled at Steve when Steve met him in the hallway. Perfect moment to mention you, Steve thought. Yet still, nothing.  

Steve followed Eddie on his way out, then decided he couldn't let Eddie just leave like that. Couldn't let him walk out after pretending you weren’t one third of their- your whole. Steve and Eddie had never been just two. Ever since they'd gotten closer as friends, you'd gotten closer in friends together. The three of you. Joined at the hip. Morning, noon and evening. Sun, wind and rain. Birth, life and death. Past, present and future.

"No? Nothing?"  

"Huh?"  

"You're not going to ask why she's not here? Come on, man…" Steve said, hoping Eddie would let his guard down, not pull it up more. 

Eddie turned his head away, looking down the long corridor of apartment doors, hands in the pockets of his leather coat. Then he clicked his tongue and looked back at his friend in the door opening. "What's there to ask?" Eddie asked disdainfully, flicking his eyes down to Steve’s shoes and back up real quick.  

Steve loved Eddie, really missed his friend all the time, and maybe even more so now you had moved away too, but this wasn't cool. Eddie didn't need to be so arrogant, act all haughty around him. They were friends. Two legs of this tripod they formed with you. Acting like you weren’t in the slightest bit important, weren’t an inherent part of them, vested in everything they were and weren’t together wasn’t okay.

Steve pushed his chin up, made his lips disappear and gave a small nod. "Say hi to Wayne for me." and closed the door on him. Eddie could go fuck himself. 

When Eddie stepped into the trailer without knocking, Wayne took one look at him and told Eddie to walk back out. Eddie sighed loudly. Wayne used to do this all the time if Eddie came walking in like he owned the place. It would often happen when Wayne had worked double shifts and had left Eddie alone for too long. Wayne would make Eddie walk out and come back in, almost as if he was a polite guest, visiting his uncle for a special occasion. Put him in his place a little. Feel that, even if he was the one with his own bedroom between the two, the trailer was still Wayne's home first.

Eddie knew better than to not do as he was told by Wayne, famous rockstar or not, and stepped back out. He took a second, hand on the door handle still, and then he knocked and waited for Wayne to answer.

"Jus' a second," Wayne's low voice gruntled from behind the door, and Eddie huffed a laugh through his nostrils. Fucker was going to make him wait out in the cold, too.

When Wayne opened the door for Eddie, they grinned at each other and hugged.

"Come on, boy. Eat."

Eddie had been pushing the same bite of meatloaf around his plate for ten minutes, then sighed deeply and explained why he was going to have to stay over on the couch in the trailer that night.

"That why you ain't eatin'?"

Eddie shrugged, mentioned how Steve seemed upset with him about something too, not elaborating on why exactly that was. Wayne didn't push it, and instead focussed on the note Eddie showed him.

"And now she lives in the big city, huh?" Wayne said, reading the address.

"Seems like it," Eddie held the note in between his fingers, like he would hold a cigarette and stared at Steve's handwriting.

"Didn't tell you?" Wayne shoved his empty plate towards Eddie a little, signaling it was Eddie who was going to be doing the washing up. Eddie didn't fight him on it; Wayne cooked, so it was only fair Eddie did the dishes. Picking up the plates, his own barely touched, Eddie shook his head a little at Wayne's question.

"Didn't need to, it's her own life, isn't it? Makes her own choices," Eddie reasoned for himself. He hadn't told you about all the places he'd stayed at to write, to record, to rehearse and to play. Why should you have to?

It would have been nice for Eddie to have known, don't get him wrong. He probably wouldn't have come back to Hawkins so soon had he known you weren't there anymore.

"I never understood it," Wayne sighed, sitting back in his seat as he placed his hands behind his head, elbows sticking out wide. "You kids, not goin' together but holdin' hands all the time anyway," Wayne frowned and shook his head a little.

Wayne knew you and Eddie far surpassed innocent hand holding - walls were thin in his trailer - but hand holding was all the two of you had done openly in front of him. Everything else Wayne had caught, he'd pretended not to have seen or to have heard.

"Nothing to understand," Eddie shrugged.

"And she's not goin' with Steve either?"

"No," Eddie snorted, absolutely unable to even think of you and Steve as a couple.

"Hand me that towel," Wayne joined Eddie in the kitchen.

This was nice, Eddie thought. Just chatting with Wayne, in the trailer, hands busy with an easy task. Just the two of them, like old times. It didn't have the same effect as hanging out with you and Steve had on him, though. But it was nice anyway.

"Wouldn't have time for it anyway, would you?" Wayne said. "Not with all them girls waitin' outside after your concerts," There was a moment of eye contact where Eddie had expected a sly smile from Wayne, something a little playful, but was met with a set of stern eyes instead.

"I better not be hearin' bad things, Eddie," Wayne warned, and Eddie immediately took it to mean something malicious. Like Eddie was taking advantage of every single person that showed him any form of interest. Like it was Eddie’s fault that the band had groupies.

"What do you take me for?" Eddie mentally placed his foot against the gas pedal, ready to absolutely floor it if Wayne was going to say something else he didn't like.

"Don't forget who raised you, now," Wayne stayed calm, his voice not changing tone.

"Are you accusing me of something?" Eddie accelerated.

"Just makin' sure no one has reason to,"

Eddie just looked at Wayne a second before he contorted his face and threw the sponge he'd been scrubbing pots with loudly against the tiles behind the sink. The wet slap was loud and splashed dish soap suds onto dishes Wayne had already dried but had yet to put away. He silently watched his nephew grab his coat, feel around pockets for a packet of cigarettes and step out.

Had Eddie been 16 still, he'd have slammed the door.

Wayne wasn't stupid. He'd seen things on MTV, saw pictures in the magazines and, sometimes, if they were particularly bad, the newspapers. He'd even seen some girls with his own eyes when he'd been to see Eddie 'n the boys play when they'd been close enough for Eddie to put Wayne up on the guest list. He had never seen Eddie give them any real attention, but Wayne knew his nephew.

Eddie just needed to be mindful. Tha's all.

That night, Eddie and Wayne had gone to bed in silence. Eddie had refused to say another word, even when Wayne had sat down in his armchair and had put the TV on. Eddie was all passive aggression, rumbling stomach only adding fuel, and Wayne knew to keep quiet until Eddie would break, say something stupid, something that crossed a line, immediately apologise and then they'd be able to talk everything through. Old routines died hard. That, or Eddie would crack because he had to have been hungry, still.

Before bed, Wayne had placed bedding and one of the better pillows onto the couch next to Eddie before retreating to his own bedroom. Eddie's old bedroom. When Wayne had closed the door behind him, Eddie had looked at it and wished it was his bedroom still. With the same old posters still up, his favourite guitar on the wall and all his other stupid shit strewn around, messing the place up. Making it all his. His own little safe space where everything was so very his. Eddie almost resented his uncle for not leaving it the way it was back then, but knew that would've made no sense.

Eddie found himself on the couch, hours later, middle of the night, not being able to sleep at all. The blinking streetlight from out front illuminated the note Eddie held in his hand in flashes.

Should he just... call?

Could he? He couldn't remember the last time he talked to you over the phone. You never called each other. Not that you'd be able to reach Eddie anywhere - he was always on the move.

You hadn't mentioned moving out of Hawkins the last time you'd seen each other. Maybe he wasn't meant to know. Or maybe, you'd tell him later. Once you'd settled. You couldn't have been gone that long, could you?

Eddie didn't manage to stay until the morning. When Wayne woke up and went to find his nephew to talk things through over breakfast, he was met with an empty trailer. Eddie had left the sheets folded nicely up on the couch, and had left his uncle a little note on top.

"I'm sorry. Took the leftover meatloaf x"

It was busy at the bar. Too busy. It was Thursday, and Thursdays were never this busy. The band playing had done a little promotion beforehand, and clearly, it paid off. You were sure lots of them were friends and family, but you eyed some curious anticipation from what you assumed were strangers too. 

It was busy, but work was fun. It was just you and your immediate boss behind the bar together, and you wanted to impress, still. Be quick on your feet. Get lots of tips for the two of you to share later. You'd only worked there for about a month, but you'd learned fast. And it was fun because you seemed to really have a good routine down. There was no bumping into each other - if you were about to reach for a glass, he'd have it ready for you, and if you heard someone order drink from a bottle closer to you, you'd hand it over before he could even ask. Work was busy, hectic, and chaotic, but it was fun.

Most people drank beer. Some would order whiskey. Very, very rarely, someone would ask for something else. You'd barely touched the vast array of liquor bottles that decorated the wall behind the bar. So when someone ordered anything you'd not poured before, your boss would help you, show you once, then keep an eye the very next time you'd do it yourself. But most people drank beer, so you'd gotten used to asking which kind, almost on autopilot, and would point at the different taps with questioning eyes. Until someone didn't ask for a beer, and threw you for a loop.

"Jack and coke, please?" 

You heard him before you saw him. The visceral reaction within your body was unreal. Unfair. Maddening, too. 

You thought you had it all under full control. You had it all tucked away, squeezed into a small cage, locked up behind bars, keys thrown away far into Lake Michigan, never to be seen again. You'd been so good. Would sometimes go days without thinking of him. Became an expert in occupying yourself, and it really helped that none of your surroundings were reminders here. You had all of his things hidden away in a shoebox, placed it deep into your wardrobe, underneath and behind other items, and you'd tried to do the same with all the memories inside your head. Found a shoebox in there too, placed every single little thing you'd come across into this box and would store it away, somewhere near the back of your head, close to the top of your cervical spine. 

And it had worked. You'd done so well. 

But the sheer sight of him... the first little glimpse you caught after hearing that voice... It broke that cage wide open. Bars snapped in half, brick walls crumbled down and your heart was free. Free at last. Beating fiercely, almost painfully fast inside your chest. It got to swell again. Gave itself more wiggle room. Grew three sizes and pressed tightly against your lungs which made it hard to breathe. It hurt, but it hurt so good.

Eddie was here.

Have you ever felt your brain short-circuit in real time? Felt fires start from sparks too big upon the sight of someone's smile? 

"What... how did you..." There were no full thoughts, and you had no possible way of verbalizing anything coherent in the moment. 

"Steve," Eddie shouted over the music.

Your eyes grew, doubled in size. Never. Eddie was lying. Steve would never. Eddie could see your disbelief, your disgust at Eddie placing blame with your mutual friend and knew he had to explain. 

"I saw..." Eddie sighed deeply, both hands placed on the bar as he leant forward, eyes closed, about to disclose information he wasn't proud of. "There was a note, with your new phone number and your address. He left it on the side, and I couldn't..." Eddie reached into a pocket, pulled it out and showed you Steve’s handwriting.

"You took it?" 

"Don't worry, you know Harrington, he's got it memorized by now." 

Like Steve being unable to reach you was the problem here. 

"Eddie Munson?" someone tapped his shoulder, recognized him, went in for a hug immediately. "Told you it was him!" you heard someone else call out from the other side. "Eddie!" 

Too many things were happening at once and you were unable to process any of them. Eddie was here, under questionable circumstances, and you didn't even have the time to be angry with him, because you were at work. You were at work, and it had been going so smoothly. You'd been on a roll, absolutely in it, you and your boss fully attuned to each other. Eddie ruined it, fucked it all up, but you had to get back to it. There were people waiting, drinks to be served, tips to be collected. But you were kind of... frozen. Almost nonresponsive.

You could only give Eddie confused eyes. Judgmental eyes. What the fuck are you doing here eyes. Came to mess up my life again huh eyes. But mostly, your eyes just held a lot of bewilderment and simple shock. Uncomplicated. Things anybody could read. 

An arm holding a drink came into your vision from your left, and your boss placed down Eddie's jack and coke in front of him. A little dazed, you looked at your boss, who gave you a look, eyebrows raised high, not in question, but in let's get back to work, all right. 

You looked at the man next to Eddie, who searched for your attention with a hand, was holding money and pointed at the beer tap before holding up two fingers.

"Coming right up," you snapped back into work-mode and smiled. You had to get back to work and pretend Eddie wasn't there. It was too busy at the bar not to. So, you ignored him, tried your best to not let your eyes find him, and focused on the work at hand. Work was busy, and it was fun, you sternly told yourself.

After a while, when the band was done playing, the bar started to feel more like a regular old Thursday inside. There was still enough work to be done, but nothing that overwhelmed you. 

“Dude's still here, that okay?” Your boss eyed Eddie who was stood talking to two of the bandmembers. They seemed excited Eddie had seen their set. 

You already knew Eddie was still there. You'd watched him all night. Corner of your eye. Peripheral vision. Like your body knew there was danger lurking, and you couldn't not keep an eye out for him. 

“I'm working,” you shrugged. “If he wants to talk, he can wait.”

And you silently and secretly wished that he did. Fucking Eddie. What the fuck did he want? You’d last seen him in December, which for Eddie’s terms must have felt like just a week ago. Why had he been over at Steve’s?

“Is um… is he who I think he is?” your boss carefully followed up, making drinks right next to you as you kept busy rinsing glasses. 

You gave a small smirk, but didn't answer, kept your eyes down. Eddie had been the talk of the night, obviously your boss knew the dude that seemed to be waiting your shift out was Eddie Munson of Corroded Coffin fame. But the way the two of you had interacted, before the murmur of people whispering his name had started, told your boss you weren’t just shocked to see him because he was Eddie Munson. No, you knew each other. There was some sort of history there, he could sense it, and he silently commended you for only letting some of it show for half a second. The rest of the night you’d been perfect bar staff. No regrets in hiring you.

"Could you... do you think you could get Corroded Coffin to come play a little gig here?" your boss joked, and you couldn't help but huff a laugh through your nose. "Give us a little show? No?" you got a nudge in the shoulder and a playful smile when you looked at him. 

"I'll ask, but I can’t make any promises," you said, making your boss laugh loudly. Corroded Coffin played huge venues, had insane mosh pits, full light shows with smoke and pyrotechnics. The bar you worked at fit the genre, sure, but was small. Tiny. They would tear the place down, and if not the band themselves, then definitely the people coming to see them.

“Let me know if I need to kick him out, because I’ll do it. Don’t care what name he carries.” And with that, your boss picked up drinks to carry over to the other side of the bar to whoever ordered them. You silently berated yourself for having waited so long to move to the city. People were nice here. What had held you back so long? The second you thought it, you hated that the answer to that question sat down on a barstool right in front of you.

“So when does your shift end?”

You were prepared for questions from Eddie. All throughout the evening you'd thought about what things you would tell him. What things you’d be honest and up front about, and what things you’d avoid telling him. You didn't owe him anything, but you imagined Eddie had questions anyway.

What you weren't prepared for was the magnetic pulling you felt in your stomach when you saw Eddie standing in the middle of your small, new apartment.

What you weren't prepared for was Eddie kneeling down in front of you as you'd sat down on your couch to take your shoes off.

What you weren't prepared for were Eddie's hands that found the outside of your thighs and used his fingernails to slowly scratch up and down the sides of them slowly as Eddie leant back on his heels.

You kind of couldn't really do anything but watch his hands move slowly along your legs and your breath shuddered as you felt your ribcage expand and tighten simultaneously. You frowned when you recognized where you were emotionally. You were in your bed, in your old apartment still, and had just found that stupid fucking note Eddie left on his pillow. You were back in December in the exact moment where all you could feel was loneliness and the strongest yearning you'd ever felt for Eddie.

And now, Eddie was here.

"Eddie,"

Your eyes locked, but what were you going to follow up with? Ask him why he was there? Ask him why he had visited Hawkins so soon after his last visit? Why he'd taken that note with your details from Steve's place? Were you going to tell him about why you'd left? Tell him about those days after he'd left without saying goodbye, again? You didn't really want to do any of those things. Because Eddie was touching you, and you kind of didn't want him to stop.

You hesitated for too long and saw Eddie's dark eyes move between yours before he sat up on his knees and moved in close. Close enough for your noses to touch, to dance around each other for a brief moment, to move like you were kissing. Close enough for your breath to hitch, throat working, as you saw Eddie's eyes roam your face.

"Can I kiss you?"

Eddie had never asked permission like that before, and you didn't need asking twice.

You only needed to tilt your head a little for your lips to touch, and it could've been soft, and slow, but it was none of the sort. You smashed yourself into Eddie, held onto him, arms winding tightly around his neck to pull him into you and keep him there. You kept feeding pressure as your faces swirled, tongues exploring each other, making sure they recognized each other still. You had to feel as much of Eddie as you could to make sure he was really there. That he was real.

Eddie kissed you back just has fervorous, like he was surprised that you'd granted him permission for it. Like he thought that maybe he had asked a question you would've easily said no to.

Thinking back to what Steve had said, he wouldn't have been surprised if you did.

You kissed each other, inhaled each other and tasted each other until Eddie suddenly noticed how your breathing grew erratic at an alarmingly rapid rate. Your hands started clambering behind his head, then on his back, your touches increasing in desperation. Your lips pressed against his hard and it started to become uncomfortable. Eddie reached for your hands in a bid to loosen your grip and broke your kiss.

"Hey,"

Eddie tried for eye contact, to see if you were okay, but you were quick to dig your face into the crook of his neck, escaped into his hair, and hooked your arms under his to tightly squeeze him. Your pressed your chests together and hugged Eddie tensely. You hugged him like you'd never let him go, clung to him like you were scared he'd get up and walk out, your chest heaving heavily still.

"Hey, are you–" Eddie stopped talking when a sob escaped you and he felt your body shake against his. It startled him for a moment, but it only took a second for him to hug you back.

Emotionally, you were there, in your old bedroom still, alone, blinking tears from your eyes at that stupid note Eddie left on your pillow. Eddie had walked out and hadn't even said goodbye.

"Shh, it's okay," Eddie turned soft, found the back of your head to caress and gently stroked his other hand up and down your back.

You cried, and Eddie was gentle. You cried over Eddie, because of Eddie, and let Eddie comfort you. It was an agonizing loop you found yourself in, realized you'd been in, that somehow also felt like it spiraled down with the weight of everything growing heavier each time. You'd be pushed further down each time. You'd have to rise up higher each time, gain new unprecedented levels of strength each time. It had only been a few weeks, and you hadn't even properly began the painstaking process of putting yourself back together again since you'd last seen Eddie. You had just ran from it. Hid from it.

But now, Eddie was here. He had left you alone in your bed a few weeks ago, but now, he was here.

"You always leave," you spoke through broken sobs, letting out the words you felt were hurting your heart from the inside out.

"I'm here," Eddie softly reassured, his voice kind, but flat, almost void of feeling. "I'm here."

You heard it – lies – and knew he emotionally wasn't here at all, but you could pretend he was. Needed to pretend he was. You could feel him, smell him, taste him and could pretend he was here, just like he said he was.

"Do you want to go lay down?" Eddie whispered after a little while. You had calmed down, but were holding on still, and he'd been sat on his knees in front of your couch too long.

Eddie felt you nod your head on top of his shoulder, and you expected him to move back, away from you, in order to stand up. Instead, Eddie moved your legs to hook around his waist, said, "Hold on tight," before gripping onto your waist and hoisting you up from the couch as you clung onto him.

Lowering you down onto the bed, Eddie got a look at your face and saw the mascara streaks he'd been responsible for. When he wiped a thumb across one, you realised what he was doing and were quick to wipe at your own face with your hands. You were sure that whatever Eddie was looking at, wasn't very charming.

But then Eddie grabbed onto both your wrists, stilled your hands and moved them away slowly. Replaced them with his own. It felt like the least thing he could do, to slightly make it better a little. He licked one of his thumbs like your mother used to do, and used soft strokes to wipe the make-up stains away as you stared up at him. Eddie's touch was careful and tender, and you melted under it, relaxing deeper into your bed.

Eddie didn't have mascara splotches to wipe at, but you wanted to touch his face in the same ways he was touching yours. You reached up, cupped his cheeks, rubbed a thumb along a line in his face and got a smile out of him. Eddie moved his head, kissed one of your palms, then straightened up and looked at your jeans.

"Can I take these off?"

What was with all the asking for permission? It was new. You didn't mind it, but it was... different. You nodded and let Eddie undress you.

He removed your jeans, your socks, your top, your bra too, and you waited for his roaming hands. Waited for his touches, his squeezes, for Eddie to grab at you, with soft or harsh fingers – you didn't care.

Eddie then removed his own T-shirt, and instead of discarding it onto the floor with the rest of your clothing items, he moved it around in his hands, found the neckline and said, "Sit up a little." before helping you put it on.

Eddie dressed you in his own T-shirt, the one he'd worn all day and overwhelmed your senses with all things Eddie. It was the smoothest of moves that caught you entirely off guard, and you had to take the deepest of breaths to not burst into tears again.

When Eddie slipped into bed in just his boxers next to you, you noticed that you were secretly pleased that he hadn't latched onto you the second he'd seen you naked. This was much nicer. Eddie was about to get comfortable on his back, was about to pull you in for cuddles, but you stopped him.

"Lay on top of me,"

Eddie froze a second, covers held up in his hand, facial expression a little confused.

"I want to feel you on me," you felt raw and vulnerable, all up in your emotions and had shared them with him too. There was no use in hiding what you wanted from him now.

"Yea. Yea, okay." and Eddie scooted down a little, found your chest with his head and carefully relaxed until you were pressed down into the mattress by his full body weight.

Eddie listened to your heartbeat, felt himself rise and fall with your breaths and dozed off the very second he knew that you'd fallen asleep as well.

You woke up in the middle of the night when you felt Eddie roll off of you, to get more comfortable, you imagined. He laid down next to you and the loss of his warmth, his weight and his contact made your hand search for his so you at least had something, still. You were needy and clingy and knew it was unattractive and overbearing, but you didn't care. When you found his hand and interlaced your fingers with his, your felt him squeeze a few times which was enough reassurance for you to drift off again.

Eddie woke you up in the morning by placing a hot mug of coffee on your bedside table.

"Morning," Eddie sat down next to you on the bed and leant over you, one arm planted either side of you. He bent over for a kiss, and you groaned, "morning breath," and tried to avoid him getting too close. But Eddie was Eddie, and he held your face to kiss you anyway.

"Couldn't," another kiss, "care," more, "less." and then deeper too. Until Eddie murmured, "You're out of breakfast," and you groaned loudly as you squeezed your eyes shut tightly.

"Yea, I need to get groceries."

"So let's go have breakfast somewhere and get you some groceries."

You still didn't know why Eddie came to visit you. Why he had been in Hawkins, why he'd been over at Steve's. But Eddie sort of behaved in the same way he always did and you were about to plummet into domestic bliss together which you enjoyed far too much to confront him now. You'd get the answers to your questions later.

You found a little cafe to have breakfast at and sat by the window. You let Eddie choose your breakfast from the menu for you, but only because you had just told the waitress what Eddie was going to get. When your plates were put down in front of you, you both looked at the food, then at each other and both reached to switch meals because you'd chosen for each other what you really wanted to have yourselves. It was stupid and it turned you into grinning idiots, sharing dopey smiles as you ate. You missed Steve a little, thought he would have probably made some golden side comments had he been there, but you didn't mention it. Afraid it would ruin whatever it was that you and Eddie had going. Out of the confinements Hawkins held for you, where people had fully formed ideas of who you were as a person, and who you and Eddie were as friends, you got to just be... be yourselves, more. Be a little more coupley, without familiar judging eyes or the feeling you were going to have to explain to someone later that, no, you weren't actually dating, this was just what you were like.

Now, this was just who you got to be, almost without repercussions, and it made you want to up the level of it. Be a bit more of it.

And Eddie let you.

In the supermarket you noticed how flashy Eddie looked compared to every single other person in there. You realised that, when in Hawkins, Eddie definitely toned down this whole look he had created for himself. In Hawkins, Eddie was more the Eddie he'd been in high school, which, for small town terms, was pretty out there already anyway. But here, away from home and away the people that would still probably treat him as the town's freak, Eddie let some of his stage persona shine through in his outfit. Kind of made you feel a little underdressed, almost. He looked more confident, a little more removed from you, and sure, he looked very sexy, but it wasn't Eddie Eddie.

"What's chelse?" Eddie said, squinting at your shopping list. "Is this something fancy we don't have in Hawkins? That us simpletons have never heard of?" Eddie acted like he was the one stuck in Hawkins still, and that you were the one with a broadened worldview. Very obviously, that was clearly the other way around.

"Shut up, idiot. That says cheese."

"Excuse me, where do you keep your fancy chelse?" Eddie asked a teenager stacking shelves whose eyes grew with recognition for him.

"Oh my God, Eddie," you hissed under your breath, but couldn't withhold your giggles as you pulled Eddie along on your way to find some regular cheese.

Back in your apartment, Eddie started putting food away in all the wrong places, so as he placed items into random cupboards, you stood next to him and reorganized everything without saying anything. You just smiled, and when you snuck a look at Eddie, saw that he'd seen what you were doing, because he then placed bananas in the oven and a packet of uncooked spaghetti in the fridge. You were being dumb smiley idiots together and it was so cute, you imagined how Steve would say something along the lines of, "Well, at least you think this is fun." and he'd be so totally right.

"I start work soon," you said after letting yourself fall onto your couch, like you'd just ran a marathon.

Eddie copied you, hair flying as he landed against the backrest, sighing dramatically. Made you laugh.

"You can come sit at the bar, or... I don't know, stay up here, see what's on TV," you didn't want Eddie to leave, yet. You held out a hand and Eddie took hold of you, swinging your arms back and forth playfully.

"I'll have a shower, then call China... see what they have going on," Eddie joked.

"I'll send you the phone bill, so make every minute count," you joked right back, happy Eddie hadn't mentioned anything about needing to leave, about needing to get back to the band. It irked you a little too, unexpectedly, because you still didn't know why Eddie was here.

"What?" Eddie saw you frown as you looked at your hands that were still sort of moving around, drawing shapes in the space between you from your swirling elbows. You decided you were just going to be up front and ask the exact question on your mind.

"Why are you here?"

A beat.

"What made you come visit me?"

You turned to look at Eddie, who was staring at your hands just as you'd been doing.

"You weren't in Hawkins," Eddie shrugged and looked you in the eye briefly.

Your frown deepened, because that wasn't really an answer. It didn't explain anything, but just left you to put dots in places in order to connect them yourself. A dangerous game, because what if you put the dots in the wrong places and made the wrong connections?

"Missed ya," Eddie followed up, said it nonchalantly, Wayne's words echoing in his mind. He moved the hand he was holding up to his mouth to kiss it, easing the crease between your brows slightly.

No word on why he'd been back so soon. No word on what happened at Steve's for him to need to steal a note that held your details. You could imagine, sure, but those could be the wrong dots, and Eddie not elaborating only made you feel like he didn't want to talk about it. So, you didn't press it further, even though you really wanted to.

"Why did you let me in?" Eddie asked.

Oof.

You thought of all the cells in your body that all called out to Eddie at every second of every minute of every hour of every day, and about how having Eddie with you silenced all of them.

"Could hardly turn you away, could I? Leave you out in the cold?"

It was just as much of a non-answer as you'd gotten from him, and Eddie tutted, just about scoffed at you and you saw his brow furrow. You didn't take offense immediately, but were very ready to step into that box if Eddie didn't guide you away from it.

"Why do you... why are you doing this to yourself?"

Eddie instead pushed you straight into it.

"Excuse me?" you couldn't quite believe what you were hearing.

Eddie sat up, let go of your hand, used the both of his to rub his face and then turned his head a little to look at you.

"If it hurts you so much," Eddie started, but you weren't going to let him finish that sentence.

"Me?!"

Eddie just stared, blank faced.

"I'm the one who's doing this?" you challenged him.

"I mean–" Eddie raised his eyebrows and you knew he was going to have several examples ready to throw into your face. You very much didn't need to hear them.

"Why do you think I moved here, Eddie? Why I got the fuck out of Hawkins?"

Eddie just looked at you, and you could almost hear him think "you ran away", and you could feel the stinging of upcoming tears behind your eyes. The frustration of how easily emotion got hold of you again only angered you more, triggering the waterworks even more. You weren't strong enough yet. It hadn't been long enough since you'd last seen Eddie, and now here you were, a weak mess of a girl, about to drive away the person you wanted to keep close the most.

"I can't run away from myself… I can't run away from my past, from my actions, from choices I've made..." you had been able to run away from Hawkins, and so, that was what you'd done. It just hadn't worked as well as you would've hoped, and you realised it didn't work at all now that Eddie was here.

"You did… run away, I mean, didn’t you?" 

Eddie said it with so much disdain, like it was the most cowardly thing you could've ever done. Like moving out of Hawkins was the absolute worst possible thing a person could ever do in their lifetime. Like you were faint-hearted. Weak. Spineless. 

"You don’t get it." You got up to find the shoes you'd taken off earlier, wiping your hands harshly across your face to rid yourself of tears, annoyed that none of this seemed to touch Eddie at all. "Physically I had to," that was easier to say with you back towards Eddie, who was still sat on your couch. "But you think I can escape my own mind, Eddie? I’m in there, 24/7 - you are in there. It’s all the time, never ending, just... always there. How do I… how am I supposed to…" you started stumbling over words as your lips trembled, starting new sentences before ending the previous ones, thoughts overlapping and spilling out faster than your tears did. 

"Hey," Eddie got up, but you were quick to hold out both your hands, palms facing him.

"No. I've got work." you turned around, grabbed a jacket and opened your door.

"Maybe you shouldn't be here... when I get back." and before Eddie could say anything, you stepped out and shut the door behind you.

You worked a grueling shift, and Eddie had been able to hear loud voices and live music thump in your apartment. It was late when you finished work, and you were exhausted, but you'd tried all night to build yourself up. Handed over beers whilst simultaneously mentally stacking bricks to build up walls in order to shield that weak mess of a girl inside, make sure she was still safe in there.

And then, Eddie was still there when you got back.

Hatred knotted in your stomach, because Eddie was still here and you liked it. Relief washed over you when you saw him, sat in the dark, still on your couch, and you wished it had been something else. Not relief. You wished that instead you would've felt ugly things. Mean things, exclusively.

You looked at each other in silence as the door clicked shut behind you and you noticed Eddie seemed sad. However, you couldn't allow yourself to dwell on it. Because feeling bad for him wasn't going to help you. You knew exactly what was going to help you, though.

"Say something horrible to me," you sounded exhausted, voice flat, not enough energy to muster up anything more for him.

Eddie immediately frowned in confusion.

"Tell me I'm your worst mistake," you stepped closer as you let your jacket slide form your shoulders.

"Say something to make me hate you,"

"Baby," Eddie got up.

You winced at the pet name, closed your eyes and breathed heavily, tried your best to pretend you didn't hear it.

"Tell me you fuck every single girl that throws themselves at you and that they do you better than I ever will and,"

"What are you..." Eddie tried to interrupted, but it just made you speak louder over him.

"That you'll never stop because they're just, too, good," you couldn't help but let your voice slowly build anger as you avoided any and all eye contact with Eddie.

Eddie slowly got closer, confused and concerned. This isn't how he had envisioned the two of you to make up after your shift had ended.

"Say that you think I'm annoying, that you hate the way I laugh,"

Now stood right in front of you, Eddie reached for your face with both his hands and he tried to find your line of sight to make you look at him.

"I don't," Eddie started, and you were quick to interrupt. "Then lie." you said sternly.

The air felt tense, but only because you were shooting daggers, glaring at Eddie with dark eyes, trying to win the staring contest you'd started with him the second you'd made eye contact. You won, because Eddie looked at your mouth for a second, and you wondered how you were going to murder all the butterflies that sprung up in your stomach.

"Ruin us, Eddie," you tried so hard to be strong. "Please." but it was difficult, and Eddie upped the ante when he kissed you.

For a second, you let him. You let Eddie kiss you, and it was immediately hot, and heavy, and you liked it. But you were strong, God damn it. You hadn't spent all hours of your shift building yourself up for fucking nothing. You were strong and were going to protect yourself, because clearly, no one else was fucking going to.

In a bid to take back control, you bit Eddie. Harshly. It made him pull back immediately.

"Give me reasons to hate you," you pleaded, breathing heavily.

"You're a mistake," Eddie said before crashing right back into you. There was nothing kind about the way you kissed each other. Forceful lips, pressing mouths, scraping teeth mixed in with unkind words, because Eddie obliged and started giving you what you were asking for.

"You're the worst thing that's happened to me in my lifetime," Eddie started guiding you backwards towards you bed.

"I hate the way you laugh," his tongue licked at your lips as his hands started to undress you.

"I hate the way you look," he said it right as he got your bra off of you and used a hand to push you back, making you fall and bounce on the mattress.

"I'm gonna keep fuck..." Eddie stopped, sighed a small breath, like he was unable to get it out of his mouth.

"Say it," you ordered.

"I'm gonna keep fucking every single girl that wants it," and with that, Eddie let himself fall on top of you. You were used to him at least pretending that, whenever you had sex, it was about you first. Not tonight. And maybe that was exactly right, because it drove home all the words he said and made them land in your brain.

Eddie didn't care about you.

But then, inches deep inside you, Eddie panted sudden sweet words.

"You've no idea what you do to me,"

His words dripped with lust and adoration, and you could've cried, but you didn't. You were strong, remember?

"No, more things you hate, t-tell me," Eddie's pace was fast, made it hard for you to speak. "Tell me more things that make me hate you,"

Eddie grumbled, grunted, let himself fall onto you as he kept going and chased his own orgasm.

"I think," Eddie started, but was cut off by himself as he came fast. He shuddered and spasmed on top of you, moaned loudly, then softer, until everything eventually stilled. "I think we should just stay friends."

And with a kiss on your cheek, Eddie climbed off of you and disappeared into the bathroom.

When Eddie came back out, you were silently crying in your bed. Eddie slid back in, nestled under your covers, but you jolted when he tried to touch you. So Eddie turned around, and you slept in your bed the way you'd never slept in a bed together; back to back, without touching each other, like two strangers forced to share a blanket.

But, asleep-you and asleep-Eddie, weren't confined by the same things awake-you and awake-Eddie were confined by, and your bodies had found each other in the night.

You woke up the next morning with Eddie's arms around you, the little spoon to his big spoon, and for a moment, you let yourself really feel it. Feel Eddie with every fibre of your being.

You deserved to win, you thought. Because with Eddie, you’d come in first place every single time, ask anybody. But Eddie hadn’t awarded anyone in years. There wasn’t a shortlist for you to top. There was just a long line of pretty girls who waited by stage doors and by tour buses, and you didn’t want to be in that line. You wanted this; Eddie in your bed, cuddled up to you, breathing in your neck, his hair or yours tickling you with every exhale. You wanted all of this just for yourself, for ever.

But you couldn't.

Because Eddie always left.

And you had ran away from him.

"You should leave," you whispered into the dark, as the city woke up outside your windows.

"Not yet," Eddie said. "Go back to sleep."

You shifted back a little, more into him, pressing your back against his chest more as you abandoned everything that happened the night before for a second. You understood that the very moment your feet would touch your floorboards and you both got out of this bed, it'd all be real again. And then, it'd all be over.

So you snoozed, and stretched out time and pretended for a moment that you were 17 and in Eddie's old bedroom in the trailer after a weird night of crossed boundaries. You pretended to snooze until Wayne would loudly knock on the door and tell you to come and clean up the mess you left in the living room. You pretended to snooze until you were no longer pretending and you just snoozed until you woke up hours later and found yourself alone again.

Alone but for one of those stupid little notes.

"Love you x"

You read it, crumpled it up and threw it across the room before burying your face back into your pillow.

It was over now. Eddie was gone, and it was over.

-----

Read the follow up: Then Again

-----

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[judesluvr]

ur friends being rlly shitty to u on a night out and ur just really upset abt it. Jude’s also there but he’s w his friends so u go up to him and he can instantly tell ur not okay. he defends u to them and also comforts u after

the night had been nothing short of a disaster and all you wanted to do was go home. but you could tell that jude was enjoying himself, the tension and stress of the past couple of weeks seeming to disappear as he laughed along with his friends, all of them getting along; yet there you were, trying not to cry as you swirled your drink around, blinking harshly to try and make it seem like you were completely fine. and you knew your "friends" could tell that you were upset - they'd went out of their way to make you feel shit all night, whether it was a joke or not you were unsure. the only thing you were sure about was wanting to slap them all and take yourself home.

it'd take everything inside of you to build up the courage to excuse yourself from them, much to their distaste, and make your way over to where your boyfriend and his mates were sitting. the second you locked eyes with jude he could tell that was something was wrong, his lips tugged into a small frown as he took you by the wrist to a quieter corner of the nightclub. neither of you could hear properly but he knew you were upset the second your eyes filled with tears, the anger and frustration building up inside of you because how on earth did you deserve such shit treatment from your friends? their snide remarks and passing jokes about your appearance had ground you down, jude's fingers rubbing small circles on the back of your forearm as you babbled along until you had nothing left to say.

"they're dickheads baby, you know that right?" he'd press a small kiss to your forehead, glancing over with narrowed eyes to where your friends were still sat giggling. one thing you loved about jude was that he always said the right thing, did the right thing; no matter the situation, he had the solution.

"jude, don't-" the rushed kiss to your lips told you exactly what he was about to do, his feet tracing over to where they were all still perched, none of them aware that he wasn't there just for a friendly chat. you didn't even want to know what was being said, but the way his back tensed as eyeballed them all one by one made you want to crawl into a corner until it was over. jude loved being confrontational, especially when it came to defending you.

almost as if he'd never left he'd be swiftly back by your side, the girls' heads all ducked as they sat sipping in silence. even though you were apart from them you could feel the tension, thick and sticky as if they'd been told off by a teacher. jude's thumb stroked your bottom lip before tucking beneath your chin, tilting your head gently so your gazes caught, "they won't say anything again, i made them promise baby, yeah?"

there was a part of you that felt like a child all over again but you couldn't help but nod, your cheeks burning under his intense stare as his eyes softened, "and if they do then i'll teach you how to tackle them like a professional footballer, okay?"

the joke made your mouth curl into a smile, eyes rolling dramatically as you wrapped a hand around the back of his neck. jude's lips pouted as he waited for a kiss to seal your thankfulness, ignoring the hollering from his friends as they searched for their missing friend. squeezing his skin you cocked your head to the left, "go back to them before they shout at me!"

[fuck-customers]

Just a "fuck everybody" I guess.

Once upon a time I worked at the Big Orange Despot, along with thirty other newbies freshly hired for the summer season. I was put in a department that was all about custom orders and installations with 0% training. (This is the case for all departments.) I told management I wouldn't be working that department unless I got trained properly because I sure as hell wasn't going to be blamed for fucking up someone's custom build designs. At Big Orange it seems they only train you if you ask, those who don't know their rights just get berated by customers until they learn stuff or quit.

I did get trained, but in the meantime I also had to help customers find things. Most customers were okay, but the biggest bitches were always middle-aged women who were convinced just by looking at me that I was completely clueless about construction and deserved to be yelled at. (I went to school for it and did years of hands on work, even though I was short and skinny.)

Alas that summer was rainy and ugly and not many people were buying anything. So about two months into my time there newbies are slowly being fired, starting with the garden center. Eventually it was like a ghost town. I was one of the last new-hires left and mere days from my probation period ending, foolishly believing I might make it past three months. Wouldn't you know it, I show up for a shift, management calls me into the office to tell me I'm fired and to go home. They paid my shift, but I was enraged and upset that they wasted my time.

I still love the smell of fresh-cut lumber but my time at the Despot still pisses me off a decade later.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[helga-grinduil]

As a Deku fan who was looking forward to Deku vs Shigaraki, I completely relate to the absolute contempt and honest to god betrayal you hold towards the manga right now. I too have been doomtweeting, albeit on my private twitter account.

The most frustrating thing about how Deku vs Shigaraki ended was that horikoshi made it seem like chapter 418 was building up to something bigger, meatier, and ideologically compelling, with Shigaraki reiterating his resolve to be a hero for the villains and Deku’s heroic ideals being put to the test (and Horikoshi finally showing readers why he withheld Deku’s perspective for 100+ chapters) …….and then AFO showed up again and somehow we ended up with the shitshow that were chapters 419-423.

Deku’s aspiration of the kind of hero he wants to be after entering UA was made explicit in the Gentle Arc (“I want to be a person who can show a bright future to the people who have suffered!”) and I’m shocked and appalled that Horikoshi didn’t go down the route where Deku comes to the realisation that he and Shigaraki may actually want the same thing while fighting post-418. For Deku be the greatest hero on his own terms, I think victory has to come not when he physically defeats Shigaraki, or even when he saves Tenko in the shared AFOFA vestige world, but when he extends his hand and finds the common feelings that connects and unites them. It would have been a much more satisfying resolution to Horikoshi’s “battle of the egos”, to Deku and Shigaraki as foils, and what Kudou said about Deku in chapter 412, about his heroism being rooted in wanting to believe that deep down, everyone is human/has a heart.

Maybe it was never about saving to win, and winning to save, but about genuine understanding, connection, and bringing hope. Under that framework, saving and destroying might very well be two sides of the same coin. So much missed potential for an endgame and dynamic that could have been great.

You probably expect a long eloquent response, and you honestly deserve one, but I'm so mentally exhausted by all of this right now that I can't bring myself to answer properly. But I fully fucking agree. Subscribe to every word.

Them both wanting to be heroes was supposed to be a parallel that brings them closer to understanding each other and unites them, that helps Deku to talk Tomura down from his destructive path and consider that he *can* create and not just destroy, that there is a different way he can become a hero to his friends. Something that helps him recognise Tenko and his kind heroic heart in Tomura too.

Instead, it became an obstacle that cut off Tomura's path to being saved and that Deku doesn't fully understand, meaning he didn't understand Tomura at all either, which is utter bullshit.

[eddiebabygirldiaz]

So, my darling @spaceprincessem and I were losing our minds about the shooting conversation and future possibilities and then this happened. I am sorry. I blame Em 😉😘

"For fuck’s sake, I know what your blood tastes like, Eddie!"

Eddie stumbles back as if struck. The words split through him harder than any bullet ever could.

Buck’s chest heaves as he pants, his eyes glazed over as if completely lost in the memory. "I had your blood all over me. Searing into my skin. Settling along my tongue. And all I could think was 'No, this can't be the only taste of him I'll ever have' and 'I'll bear this taste for the rest of my life if you just let him live.'" He shakes his head as tears spill down his face. A laugh breaks free from him, broken and brittle and bitter. "Praying to a God I don't even believe in. All for you."

Eddie doesn't bother to fight against his own tears. They blaze hot trails down his face, burning like the fiery splash of blood that painted Buck’s face that day.

Eddie remembers. Of course he remembers.

How could he forget the moment everything changed? How could he forget the moment a piece of metal tore through his skin and forced all of his love to explode out of him in a flood of red?

"I prayed too," Eddie whispers. "I prayed that I'd live long enough to look in your eyes again. I prayed that somehow, you'd feel my love as it stained your face."

Buck’s expression shutters and a visible tremor runs through his body. "W-what?" Blue blue blue eyes bore into him, vast and bright, a shining beacon of light that sears into Eddie’s soul.

Eddie furiously wipes away his tears and even though this isn't how he wanted to do this, he is helpless to stop the confession from finally falling off his lips. "That was the moment I knew, Buck. That moment, as searing pain ricocheted throughout my body, I realized how in love with you I was. I am."

Buck gapes at him, his mouth opening and closing. Fear and awe and pain and hope all blaze across his face. A face Eddie knows better than his own. A face beautifully carved and wonderfully soft and bright. A face he has seen ravaged by devastation and grief, glowing with happiness and love, twisted in confusion and anger, peaceful in sleep and quiet moments spent at Eddie’s side.

It all makes it so incredibly easy for Eddie to keep going. He might as well tell Buck everything now. "I held it back for so long, because-" he grapples with the words, unsure of how to properly express it but more than willing to try for Buck. He deserves it. He deserves to hear how loved he is. "Because it's so overwhelming and powerful and fucking effervescent and I didn't know what to do with it. And things kept going wrong and I lost my fucking mind, but you were there. Always there, making me feel important and loved even when I was at my lowest. And then I thought maybe, maybe we could be ready. Then fucking lightning struck."

A sob threatens to tear out of his throat. He can feel it building and breaking, cutting at the flesh of his throat like glass, but he can't let it out. Not yet.

"You died, Buck." The first time he had said the words, they were hushed and gentle, meant for Buck and not himself, but now-now they tear through the air and splatter at their feet, harsh and rough and soaked in the still lingering despair that clutches tightly at his chest some nights.

"Eddie-" Buck steps forward, reaching out for Eddie but Eddie holds up a hand to stop him.

Not yet. Not yet.

"You died and so did I. Those minutes you were gone I was a ghost, hollow and incorporeal and drowning in grief. I vowed to myself that if we got you back then I'd tell you how I felt because every day that you go without knowing how deeply and irrevocably in love with you I am is torture."

"But you didn't," Buck says, voice cracking. "You didn't tell me."

Eddie huffs and looks away. "No. I-I got scared and then you admitted to me that you were struggling and I couldn't put all of that on you. It wouldn't have been fair."

Buck steps toward him, the bulk of him closing around Eddie and caging him against the counter, wrapping Eddie in softness and warmth and strength. "And now?"

A ragged sigh escapes Eddie's lips as he reached up a shaking hand and cups Buck’s cheek. "There’s so much we need to talk about, Buck. I couldn't bear to rush into anything with you and fuck this up. I need you in my life, okay? You're my best friend, my partner, my fucking co-parent, and I. Cannot. Lose. You."

Something between a whine and sob crawls out of Buck's chest and it vibrates in the air between them. Buck nuzzles into his hand and the wet, sticky residue of his tears smears across Eddie's palm.

"You're right," Buck says. "I-I need to get better. For the both of us."

Eddie brings up his other hand so he is cradling Buck’s face and waits until those blue eyes meet his. "I love you," Eddie declares. "I love all of you, every wonderful and horrible piece, and I can wait until you're ready."

Buck exhales shakily and nudges forward until he can rest his forehead against Eddie’s. "I love you, too."

They stay like that, pressed against each other, sharing sweet, sacred, life-giving breaths until the tears and tremors subside.

[dinneronvenus]

‎‧₊˚✧SHISHIBA HEADCANONS✧˚₊‧

⭒ Highly romantic, he prefers to take dating slowly and build up a deep connection properly

⭒ His calm nature makes him deeply attracted to anyone passionate, he loves listening to you talk about your accomplishments, hobbies, career, whatever it is that brings that spark of life to your eye

⭒ He's considerably cold and aloof most of the time, but when you start guessing what he's thinking it makes him playful and this becomes a game/inside joke between the two of you as your relationship progresses

⭒ He holds simplicity at the core of his lifestyle philosophy, and his partner is no exception. He won't shun your efforts to look lovely but when you're in pajamas making him breakfast is when he feels the greatest affection for you

⭒ Prefers to make the date plans for the sake of simplicity, he'll often give you clear cut instructions on date night unless you suggest a plan first

⭒ Would never admit this but he enjoys impressing you, either with tales of his lifestyle*, his driving skills, or lavish presents

⭒ Since he believes civilians deserve to lead normal lives, he's deeply respectful of you and only talks about work if you explicitly ask for details*—otherwise he gives you the typical "it was fine" response

⭒ He would only make a big deal out of making your relationship official if he knew you wanted that, otherwise he assumes that you answering his calls for 3 months straight means you're his

‧₊˚✧NSFW SHISHIBA HEADCANONS✧˚₊‧

⭒ World's laziest sex partner normally, unless you get him really riled up or beg for it, it's going to be a slow and sensual session almost every time

⭒ For simplicity's sake, he gives you instructions in the bedroom too, "ride me" being the main one

⭒ Prefers to just give you oral and fuck you with his fingers over having sex, since it's easier—plus he would rather get you off than himself, anyway

⭒ If you tell him you like being bossed around, he'll dominate you completely just to make everything simple, you'd never have to think for yourself again

⭒ Extremely protective over you, as to him you're a delicate angel in his ugly, boring world so he has definitely killed people who he felt were lustful and disrespectful towards you but you'd never know

⭒ When he picks your outfits, he always has you wearing things that give him easy access, like short dresses and skirts, crotch-less panties, and bras that clasp in the front. He may be aloof but he always wants to demonstrate his feelings for you by showing you just how much he enjoys being inside you so he makes it as easy as possible

⭒ Loves having his hair pulled during sex and played with during makeout sessions

⭒ Wouldn't be overly talkative during sex unless he was venting from a mission, then you'd hear all the praise-tinted degradation you could ever desire

⭒ His aftercare would include cuddling you and talking about how your lives would be together (probably out in the country) if he retired, always hoping you'd push him to make that a reality