#deuce is babey

[da-birb-writes-sometimes]

Let's Beat the Heat; Deuce Spade

Content; Fluff, gender-neutral reader, romance

Word Count; 650+

AN; This is for the lovely @ithseem! Thanks for the request, and I hope you enjoy this Deuce drabble! As a reminder, do not put my work — or others for that matter — into AI as it steals. Link to Masterlist

You were still stuck in Twisted Wonderland, and spending your summer in Ramshackle. It wouldn’t have been horrible; your friends came and visited, brought you out on little day trips, heck, even Crowley was leaving you alone for once. But there was one itty-bitty thing which made it unbearable. There. Was. No. Air. Conditioning. And today was the grossest, most humid, most insufferably hot day of the year. Apparently it hasn’t been this bad in over a decade. So, you were sprawled out on the hardwood floors in a feable attempt to cool down, but you were just sticky and laying on the floor. Absolutely miserable.

There was knocking at the front door. Did I invite anyone over? Ughhhhh it’s too hot for thinking! “Come in,” you groaned, turning your head over to see who decided to come over.

“Hi, love,” Deuce greeted before stopping upon seeing you trying to meld yourself to the floor. He furrowed his brow and then his eyes widened, having come up with a plan. He placed a kiss to your forehead, “I’ll be right back, okay?” And off he went, putting his plan into action.

“Hi, love, bye love,” you sighed. And you just layed on the floor, staring up to the ceiling. Note to self; wring Crowley’s neck the next time I see him for making me stay in this damn place. INSTALL AN AIR CONDITIONER FOR THE LOVE OF SEVEN! 

Were you staring at the ceiling for a minute? An hour? You had no clue, but you heard the front door open and shut. Deuce was back, and he was carrying a box of ice pops. “So, it isn’t much, but it should help a bit. But it’s outside.” He reached out his hand, helping you get up. “Up we get… now, close your eyes.”

You gave him a tired look, but followed your boyfriend’s request and closed your eyes. It was too hot to really question what he was up to. At least with Deuce, you knew it would be something sweet, a bit awkward but very endearing. Very slowly, since Deuce was going at a snail’s pace, the both of you got outside. “Can I open them now?” You asked, waiting for the go ahead.

“Yes,” he chuckled nervously, waiting to see your reaction.

And upon opening your eyes you saw a kiddy pool, no deeper than mid calf, filled with water and ice. A smile broke on to your face seeing the bright blue plastic covered in cartoon sea creatures and mermaids. “This was your idea, sweetie?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, “It isn’t much, but I thought it could help. Do… do you like it?”

“Of course I like it,” you laugh, cautiously testing the water with a finger. It was bitterly cold. “It’s perfect! Thanks, love!”

Deuce smiled upon seeing your cheery face and happy laughter, happy to see that your energy was back. “Not as perfect as you.”

Taking an ice pop, you booped him on the nose with it. “You’re also perfect, you know,” you hum.

His cheeks flushed pink at the realization that he said that outloud. Yes, the two of you have been dating for a few months now, but he still found himself blushing. He brought out an ice pop and booped you back on the nose, a soft look in his eyes. “I love you.”

Today might have started off as the hottest day in recent Twisted Wonderland history, but thanks to Deuce, the day had shifted. Yes, it was still hot as Sevens, but due to the sweet actions of your sweet boyfriend, it wasn’t so bad. Maybe getting stuck here wasn’t all that bad. You had the right people… you had your person. And that was enough.

All you needed was Deuce… and some ice pops, and a kiddy pool filled with ice water so you didn’t get heat stroke. But telling Crowley off could wait for another day, for now, beating the heat with your person was far more enjoyable and important.

[pixiestein]

bigstupid ramble/rant incoming feel free to ignore//cursing cw

it’s actually very disturbing to me how many people in the monster high fandom think it’s ok to say that abbey & twylas g1 sculpts are “ugly” or “offputting” because they have strong/square jaws & the new molds are sooo much better bc they no longer have them. like i really really really try to be nice here & pardon my language but are you fucking stupid? did you miss literally everything monster high was trying to teach you? did you miss the whole “everyone is unique & beautiful in their own way” thing? or did you just forget that the features you’re calling ugly are features that real people have? genuinely asking because it’s baffling to me how many people who praise g3 for it’s body diversity are foaming at the mouth excited over characters’ unique features being replaced with conventionally attractive ones. u don’t like strong jawlines? awesome, people who have them still deserve to feel beautiful & have gorgeous dolls that look like them & the fact that mh had that & got rid of it is objectively bad. like first of all, a franchise that preaches accepting ppls differences SHOULD have characters with both body types & facial features that aren’t considered “conventionally attractive”. that was one of the issues w g1, their message was about everyone being different but everyone had the exact some skinny body type. & now g3 has greatly improved on body diversity (pls give us an actual plus sized doll tho) yet they’ve been removing diversity in facial features. it fucks me up bc WHY can’t we have rep for diverse body types AND rep for diverse facial features?? and second, bro they are literally monsters. they absolutely should have features that challenge traditional beauty standards because hello she’s a yeti, she needs jaw space to house those bigass tusks. and if those unconventional features look strange to you? GOOD. bask in their strange weird abnormal beauty!! i literally don’t care if u think abbeys new face is cuter & her old jaw was ugly, if you see a person with a prominent jawline & think “hm not aesthetically pleasing enough” unpack that with your therapist, don’t post it on the internet where impressionable kids with those exact features get to see it & gather more fuel for their insecurities. this goes for literally any facial feature or body part btw. basically, bottom line, if it’s a feature that real people have that they can’t control, don’t fucking say a WORD about how aesthetically unpleasant you find it. criticize the fashion, criticize the quality control & messed up face screenings, criticize the weird continuity errors & questionable representation, but if your issue with a doll is their body type/facial features look ugly to u, shut the fuck up!!!!!!

[duskymrel]

TWST characters as different people i've seen at school

yes most of this is slander

Riddle: The kid who treated being line leader as though he had just been elected President of the United States of America

Ace: Would stand up in class and shout "FOR KOBE" and throw a piece of paper at the trash bin. Would completely miss.

Cater: Filming a fucking TikTok dance in the middle of the school hallway during class transitions. Fucking MOVE, i got places to be. (I walk directly though their tiktok and ruin it)

Trey: That kid who's birthday you know by heart and eagerly await every year because he brings in the BEST desserts. The good kush.

Deuce: Says the stupidest shit in class unironically. Other guys are confused as to how this makes him more endearing but girls fawn all over him.

Azul: Passes by his crush (Jamil) in the hallway and thinks blud will stop and fall madly in love with him at first sight and will declare his love to Azul and it'll be something straight out of a teen girl movie. It ends up playing out exactly like this video: https://www.tiktok.com/@irljigsaw/video/7232906141385215274?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

Floyd: Kid who only likes Chemistry because he's crazy excited about mixing chemicals and setting things on fire. Anything he makes in a lab he loudly comments on how badly he want's to take a bit fat slurp/bite out of it. (it's me i do this)

Jade: One of the mushroom core girlies. Wears mushroom jewelry, has mushrooms patterns on his clothes, draws them for art class, draws them on his notebooks and binders. It's almost obnoxious but he's forgiven by everyone because he's hot.

Leona: Literally doesn't give a shit about school. Shows up in pajama bottom's and takes the fattest nap right in the middle of Geometry.

Jack: The only nice guy on the football team, girls LUST for him ❤

Ruggie: The only class this kid liked was free and reduced lunch (real)

Kalim: Guy who refuses to eat school food. He's probably got the right idea, that nacho cheese sauce probably causes cancer. Brings the most banger lunches and makes people jealous. (Lunchables, the GOOD fruit gummies, chips, a cookie, and a Caprisun.)

Jamil: In classes where you're not allowed to eat, he's the kid who sits in the back and makes a 9 course Gordan Ramsay approved gourmet meal.

Idia: This was so easy this guy was the anime weebo who wore anime merch every day and sometimes even wore anime wigs to school. He won't admit it but he would Naruto run through the halls in middle school.

Ortho: The cute little innocent babey schnookums who the girls all doted on. Hurt him and you'll get jumped by every girl in the student body. Fuck around and find out type shit.

Vil: Bozo who would literally paint their nails in class and would be doing their eyeliner while the teacher was trying to explain mRNA.

Epel: YEEHAW REDNECK KID. you know who i mean. the one who wears a hat with the American flag on it every day and whenever the teacher tells them to take it off they go on a rant about how unpatriotic the teacher is.

Rook: The only kid who actually liked French class. Tries to rizz people up in the hallway and asks for their Snap but always fails. Maidenless behavior.

Malleus: The tall quiet emo kid who slumps in his chair on his phone, with the bottom resting on his belly. He looks like he's listening to edgy emo music but it's actually tooth rotting cheesy pop music

Lilia: The manic pixie dream girl who will spew the most wise sage advice when asked.

Sebek: Literally one of those girls who's attached to her boyfriend like a parasite. You cannot separate her. Overly loyal and won't stfu. Is like a mix between a golden retriever and a chihuahua.

Silver: I swear on my life he's one of the kids who's been adopted by his entire friendgroup. People love him he's just a likeable person. He makes a new friend and BOOM they've adopted him. You're my son now, boy.

--------

@heartscrypt i thought specifically of you while writing Azuls

anyways all of these are people i've known i've got irl sources for this. no i won't apologize for all the slander because it's funny.

[blind0raven]

Found this lil cape on ebay for sale and I had to get it

Look at this lil babey now~ would prefer a Spade themed one but this is perfect!

Must spoil my lil deuce plush :)

[davy-zeppeli]

So I just came up with another name idea for my clothing shop,,,, since it's hippie clothing what if I call it chunk up a Deuce???

(that means throw up a peace sign. Not anything bathroom related.)

I won't lie Ray, that is the first time I've ever heard that phrase in my life. I immediately thought it was about throwing up. however if outside of the small scope of my brain it is commonly known as meaning to throw a peace sign then hell yeah. Chunk it up babey.

[treysimp]

Tumblr’s refusing to let me reboot/post this for some reason but here you go lmao

I wanted to put Sebek on mine too and I couldn’t figure out where he should go so I gave up (especially since I cheated already afagssggdhf)

I love that we get BOTH gingers, three diasomnia and pure precious deuce and Jack I see you and I am crying tears of manly joy my heart is touched rn

SEBEK ILU BABEY

[xox-alwaysxhardxcore-xox]

shits gettin real now babey

[slutty4rusty]

AYO

So basically a family member of mine wrecked my laptop, like, 2 months ago? And I was tired of waiting to get it fixed so I said fuck it and tried my hand at getting shit done 😤

And guess what?!

I FIXED IT ALL BY MYSELF!!!

Sure it took me like a good 5 hrs, but look at me :))))))))) I’m so fuckin cool and epic and sexy, oh god I’m the hottest thing since freakin volcanoes babey 😎

Alright now I’m currently working on my first ever fanfic and hopefully it’s a decent read. I know perfect is the enemy of good, so I’m gonna give it my best and just post it.

So yeah, deuces.

[lanshappycorner]

🐙♠️ chu

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Spades Slick: lets abolish all clocks. the concept of time itself. live by sunlight. primal instincts and internal clocks ONLY

Crowbar: When is 7he nex7 bus ge77ing here? I7’s a surprise. :7

Clubs Deuce: THAT’S NO DIFFERENT FROM HOW BUSES ALREADY OPERATE! (:

[just-patchy]

CHAPTER 5 POMEFIORE SPOILERS

———

Deuce: i-how are you supposed to move your neck and shoulders separately???

Me, a dancer since kindergarten: Deuce, honey, there’s a reason it’s called *isolation* wwwww

[da-birb-writes-sometimes]

TWST As Lines I've Written/Said

Content Warning: Shitpost, suggestiveness(idk?) & swearing

Author's Note: These are either things I've said, or things that I've written down but haven't used... yet, might use them in the future, might not. Feel free to guess which is which.

Let the shenanigans begin!

Yuu, upon entering TWST

Yuu: “I’m motivated by spite and getting the fuck out of this damned place!” 

Crowley: “This damned place just so happens to be my school!” 

Yuu: “Yeah? Well, guess what Mr. Mystery Man, I fucking hate it here!” 

Crowley: “Rude.”

Typical Ace Behaviour

Yuu: “Behave, my friends are coming over.” 

Ace: “Weird. I didn’t know you were capable of having those.” 

Yuu: “You know what? You can go out and wait on the fire escape until they leave if you want to act like that.”

Capitalism Isn't Attractive

Deuce: “Do not fall for the pretty man with the fancy clothes!” 

Yuu: “Why not? He’s hot as fuck.” 

Deuce: “... He’s a capitalist.” 

Yuu: “THAT WHORE!”

Pissy Kitty

Leona: “Great, you again.” 

Yuu: “I’m thrilled to see you too, asshole.”

Floyd, just Floyd

Floyd: “Why not?” 

Yuu: “Unlike you, I don’t want to die!” 

Floyd: “Boo, you’re lame.”

Yuu Needs a Raise

Yuu: “My therapist will be thrilled to hear about this revelation.” 

Everyone: “What’s a therapist?”

Why Are You Like This?

Vil: “You are a blithering buffoon.” 

Yuu: “Takes one to know one.” 

Vil: “...Listen here you little piece of -”

Cryptid Hours

Yuu: *walks into room to find Idia sitting in the dark, facing the corner* “Did the voices win today?”

Idia: “Undecided.”

Yuu: “Okay then, let me know if that changes. Since I would like a headstart before you go all *insert demon noises* on me.”

After Any Overblot

Yuu: "I feel like a baked potato." *passes out*

The Adventures of Malleus

Malleus: “Tell me, Child of Man; do humans typically court through the acquiring and displaying of fish?”

Yuu: “Why?”

Malleus: *has been secretly using your phone for research and found himself on Tinder* “Just curious is all.”

Yuu: “... No, it’s not typical.”

Malleus: “Alright then, noted.”

Dear Professor Vargas, I regret to inform you that your attempts to woo a potential mate through your acquiring of fish may not be successful. And does the "DILF" shorts mean, "Darling, I Love Fish?" ... Asking for a friend. Sincerely, Malleus Draconia

Octopus Eyesight

Yuu: “Do you have astigmatism?”

Azul: “Do I have what?”

Yuu: “Astigmatism, like when you look at lights at night do you see lines? Since you have weird ass pupils.”

Azul: “...wait, that isn’t normal?”

Should I Be Nervous?

Yuu: “Have you ever been overcome with the lust for broccoli?”

Trey: ". . ."

Yuu: *squints, thinking* “Break glass in case of sudden lust for broccoli...”

Trey: "Should I leave?"

A Question to Ponder

Yuu: “Why do fictional men slap so hard? Like damn.”

Riddle: “Because they are not real and do not come with any of the negative consequences that often come with real men, also you can better idealize them… And anime, ‘Makes you go brrrrr,’ as you put it.”

College Life

Rollo: “I am running off 3 hours of sleep and a single croissant, do not test me.”

Baby Talk

Rook: “Ah, bonjour chatton!" *proceeds to babytalk to the cat in French*

Yuu's Type

Yuu: “I have 4 types; wet cat, malewife, girlboss, and whore." tag yourself

Crewel: "... You need to focus on your grades, not on some mutts."

What Do You Have?

Jamil: "What's that?"

Kalim: *hiding a cat that he stole from outside* "Uhhh, my love for you?"

Jamil: *annoyed* "Put it back outside, Kalim."

Kalim: *puts the cat in his face* "BUT LOOK AT THEM!! THEY BABEY!!!!"

[minty-chocco]

I think im starting to love Deuce (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ like look how soft he is whenever he offers yuu help and how he’s trying his best to change i wuv him sm 

[god-lives-in-oregon]

You cannot tell me this man is not babey

[jcllyfisn]

mik. i miss being here ... but i doubt i can provide of anything of interest anyways.

[thecl0wnfather]

Really long Twisted Wonderland idea post.

Yuu gets to pet any and all creatures, the post. Gimme a kiss if you like it *does a kickflip on Cater's skateboard*

* @ that person who wrote a post about Crowley calling Yuu a beast tamer, and Yuu being cool with Beastmen because of that title. I wanna tag you, but I kinda forgot who it was n' now I can't find it, someone tell me :( I'm expanding on that idea <3

* Malleus and Grim are the beginnings of Yuu's innate ability to attract any and all creatures. The bats that follow Lilia, Silver's forest friends, the Equestrian club horses, Lucius, Beastmen, fae, mermen, and whatever else... will just find themselves getting closer to Yuu. Whether they notice it or not.

* Ramshackle has officially been taken over by the sheer amount of living beings raiding the place every week. Yuu's beast tamer aura is similar to Silver's D*sney Princess animal abilities, except ten times worse, and they can't stop finding a new nest and/or burrow of some random animal family.

* The Ghost trio living there have basically become the housekeepers and have to constant kick out critters and students before they end up cramming up the dorm. That, or breaking the rickety old floorboards from the amount of them.

* Not everyday you get to have some time to touch any new animal (or person), so Yuu went along with it. Come to the Ramshackle dorm if you want pettings AND a free therapy session. All profits go to the Ramshackle dorm. (And Grim's premium tuna bill!)

* Grim doesn't enjoy this. His henchmen is practically a zookeeper at this point, and if Grim isn't your number one priority among these BEASTS then that's just blasphemy. Remember. He can be your angle, or yuor devil 😈

+ Dire Crowley is also here. Crowley gets to sit in the corner and drink from a cup of apple juice like a drinky bird. Drink well, sweet headmaster (derogatory AND affectionate <3)

* This whole next part is just Yuu being a total numbnut in other dorms lmao... Gets kinda long for a quick shitpost...

* Heartslabyul probably owes Yuu a ton of favours tbh. Ace and Deuce think doing their chores are a drag, so... Why not get the infamous Ramshackle Prefect to go take care of the animals today? They can enjoy being covered in a pile of hedgehogs and flamingos! Cue Riddle finding out (Cater. Cute animals + Bestie prefect. Magicam.) and scolding Adeuce for dumping their duties on someone else. At the very least, they're usually paid back with some kind of sweet treat from Trey. Maybe a flash of a purple cat's smile too.

* Savanaclaw? Yuu calls it the petting zoo, babey. Call it luck, but Yuu gets to be besties with Savanaclaw boys after they come in petting them and telling them they did a good job— Post Chapter 2. Is it their aura? The way they calm their rowdy style? None of the beastmen know, but they do know that Yuu is a very nice magicless human to hang with. Leona is still the boss around the dorm. No one gets a "Good boy!" or headpats if Leona is around. Sure, Leona kicks them out before they spoil the boys, but... who says Leona isn't 100% hogging the good feels at Ramshackle? Ruggie comes along too. Jack would too, but this is Jack Howl we're talking about lol. (He defo acts likes it's an inconvenience, but everyone knows better 😔)

* Octavinelle— Floyd would deadass keep Yuu trapped in a hug as soon as they take a step into Mostro Lounge. Jade has the knowledge not to trap them in front of everyone, but he's dragging them into the VIP room to do the same as his twin. Yuu is not immune to a happy Leech twin snuggle sammy. May they be blessed with infinite mushrooms and an ungodly amount of shrimp dishes. Azul will, undeniably, take advantage of Yuu's strange aura and use them as a marketing tool to gain more customers. Points for diversity, he says.

* Scarabia also owes Yuu some favours, but they're payed back almost instantaneously. Kalim definitely invites the Ramshackle duo to hang out with animals and have a feast every week. Jamil might be having a heart attack from seeing TWO reckless morons cuddling a tiger, but that is his own problem. Bonus if Silver joins the party, cause that means Kalim gets TWO besties to chill with animals. (Maybe you could calm Jamil by tempting him with a parrot? Or a viper if you're feeling silly)

* Banned from Pomefiore lmao. Vil admires your capabilities, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to walk around like a fur magnet into his dorm. Rook would go to Ramshackle to fawn over the many critters (And possibly bother Leona and Ruggie if they're nearby) although he usually ends up terrifying everyone there. Don't tell Epel, but everyone takes pictures of him when little birds land on his head whenever he comes over for a study session at Ramshackle. Yuu never says anything because the birds know they have an album of "Cute friends and cute creatures" on their phone.

* Ignihyde is crying, my guy. Why does Yuu always waltz in with strangers and wild animals in tow??? Idia, however, is also taking advantage of Yuu's passive skill of beast tamer! Technically, if Idia ranks up his friendship with Yuu, shouldn't that mean his rate of pulling a few cats and dogs go up? The pros of dealing with one person to get his furry euphoria versus the cons of social interaction and social anxiety... He's in a dilemma, but Ortho is happy. Big brother is trying to get a friend! Uh, somewhat.

* Diasomnia has a bad case of bird nests tucked in every corner of the dorm. Both Silver and Yuu are the cause of this, but how could Lilia scold them? His son and the prefect look very peaceful as they hand feed little woodland critters together. Sebek interrupts this, of course. Will Yuu pet the half-fae lad to calm him, and will it work? Depends on if you think being half-fae counts. Malleus is one happy dragon faerie though! That's all that matters. Him and his super cool other-wordly, technically alien, human best friend have chats over tea, and Sebek can't do a single thing about it. (Added note: Lilia includes soft vampire papa hugs if you'd like that)

+ Ramshackle extra. Yuu buried in a pile of their first-year friends. Just buddies in a cuddle pile with sweet baby Grim in the middle. That's it. There's nothing else other than love and peace in the pile 😎 I just wanted that in your mind.

Guys, I think I took this too far for a 'shitpost', but I don't give a shit. Catch you on the flip side baby, heeya.