#documentary is fucking fascinating and upsetting

[snitling]

Here's my thoughts, for what they're worth, on Get Back and Now and Then. Bear with me, because I've just woken up.

You know the meme, 'photos taken seconds before disaster'? Get Back is an hours long version of it. I'm trying to find a reason that the Lennon/McCartney relationship wasn't a marriage, and I can't. Barring a minister and a register, they made vow after vow, either through their lyrics or in joke or, for all I know, in quiet earnestness.

Do I think they explored each other's bodies? Maybe. But let's not forget, they were very young men, and they had gone through the intense experience of being the world's first superstar boyband. It would have been heady and insane and thrilling and lonely and frightening. But even without having a physical relationship, even without being catapulted to worldwide obsessive fame, the relationships you have with your friends when you're in your early twenties are just Like That

In Get Back, we're seeing the breakdown of this intense relationship; two people who, despite the love they have for each other, which is powerful and real, are growing apart. They're trying to hold together, but they're pulling at the restraints they feel on themselves, the ties of who they used to be and what they're trying to explore and grow into. It's fucking heartbreaking. It's nobody's fault. If they had been able to talk about it, maybe things would've been different. If I had loved you less, maybe I would be able to talk about it more.

So they stopped talking.

In Now and Then, John's voice comes out of the past saying, 'now and then, I miss you. Now and then, I want you to be there for me', and Paul, in the present day, sings it back to him. Perhaps it's the sentimentality of old age, or perhaps it's a man saying, I loved you and we stopped speaking, and I thought we'd have time to come together again, and then you got fucking shot, you were killed, and we never got to speak properly again. I still don't know where to put the love I still have for you, even now.

I don't know the nature of their relationship, I wasn't there, it didn't happen to me. But when I watch sad-eyed Paul McCartney and dour John Lennon suddenly light up at each other because they've caught the sparks of their former intensity again, when I see their faulty wires suddenly, briefly, connect, it breaks my heart. I know what's going to happen.

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 s02e15: And Now for a Word so2 Table of Contents • previous episode

September 16, 2259! Love me a good documentary!

Never not going to be funny to me that G'Kar's actor and Talia Winter's actor have the same given name (Andrea).

This is really not the time for reporters to be harassing personnel for soundbites.

:| and a very fuck you too, Ambassador Mollari.

Love having the dockworkers back!!

"Overall I've found this to be a good working environment. I've learned a lot here. […] Yes, it's a calm, pleasant environment. I don't think I've ever seen anyone get upset here." - random Earthforce personnel, lying like a liar

Stephen Franklin channeling classic, spacephobic McCoy here.

Oh my god, seventeen-year-old Stephen Franklin either accidentally killed his friend hiding in an airlock, or watched his friend accidentally kill himself messing around in an airlock. It's ambiguous, and horrifying either way.

Good trauma story sharing. But for real, how can he even live in space after that? I'm horrified and impressed.

Dang, that's pretty bad. Almost 60 deaths total, multiple bombings, and several narrowly-averted wars. In three years.

Literally idk how G'Kar can keep his composure. The Centauri are war criming like crazy.

This documentary format is actually delightful. I am loving seeing how the actors are choosing to portray their characters being interviewed. It's so fucking fascinating.

Susan Ivanova continues to be The Best.

Garibaldi wants to be bored and to make a difference. I propose that he could make the most difference by not assaulting people or threatening them with his rank.

This reporter isn't very likeable, which makes me wonder if she's going to end up doing something impactful.

"I am a friend, in peace." and then being met with such vitriol and journalistic malfeasance! This reporter sucks!

A hell of a thirty-six hours to happen to arrive to document!

Fuck, can you imagine a space battle going on outside b5's fragile little, punctured shell and being sent to start repairs while unknown, hostile aliens are still fighting outside? Hope they get hazard pay.

Yeah, I'd be tempted to get into a spacesuit.

Narn vs Centauri literally fighting outside B5 is a significant escalation of risk.

G'Kar backstory!! G'Kar's dad served the Centauri and as a punishment for an accident, was killed horribly over days and died in front of G'Kar. That'd drive anyone into resistance, I think! I respect B5 more for calling it a resistance in-universe, especially compared to in DS9 when they repeatedly and insistently called the Bajoran resistance terrorists doing terrorism. The Narns are increasingly impressive the more we learn about them. They went from low tech to occupied to equaling to if not surpassing the Centauri in a hundred years.

"The Narn have rewritten history enough, don't you think? [..] We have to take a stand. They are the ones who declared war, not us. We want only peace."

:| And then drop a Centauri war cruiser to blockade B5.

A commercial for PsiCorps. I have…so much to say about this. tbh, it's better propaganda than the US military recruitment videos I've seen. Hate that the PsiCops might just beam into your house! Did we already know they have teleportation? Or is that just creative license taken by the commercial?

Super uncool how, yet again, a critique of current events in the 90s being equally as relevant to 2023 current events.

Lotta hard stances being taken. Sheridan is so calm under pressure, but it's weirdly believable that he can out-yell the entire council and then go and calmly discuss the likelihood of mortal threats being mere bluffs. Aaaand awkwardly trying not to make eye contact with the camera that's in his line of sight, hah.

eeeee yikes another space battle! Third for the episode, I think.

I wonder how they clean up space debris. Surely they can't leave it to pose a hazard around the station.

Londo is leaning away from the camera a lot while he talks. Can't even buy his own bullshit.

The reporter was so mean and unethical to Delenn, and Delenn is talking to her again anyway. She's too good and her kindness is too calculated to be deterred by a dickish reporter. Plus, I bet the Minbari reporters are way meaner. Instead of being like "You do war crimes!" they'd be like "You should kill yourself so your memory can be less of a stain on your clan's honor than your life is being right now." Still, they made Delenn cry which isn't exactly a fun human experience to have for the first time on camera.

The inspiring peace lecture would be more believable if it wasn't being delivered by the military.

Anyhow, a very fun episode, especially considering how dark the topics were! Babylon 5 is alone in space, very puncturable, and hosting volatile political enemies bound on murder and/or war.

On to the next!

[munchablemusic]

Imagine, for a second, you are Sulaiman Dawood.

You and your father are extremely close. You have talked for hours about history and have gone on many vacations to see historical sites. You know that he is extremely busy as a businessman and one of the richest men in the world. But each time you get to bond over a cool history fact is one memory that you know you'll be able to cherish.

Imagine, your father is asking you about the Titanic one day. Like most teenagers, you have gone through a titanic phase and find the whole thing really fascinating. You've watched the movie, seen the documentaries, and read multiple books. Your father says that he has found a company that could take you up close and personal with the ship in a submarine.

Honestly, the thought of going miles under the sea freaks you out. But your father seems to think it's safe, so you trust him.

Imagine the day that you fly out to Newfoundland and get on a boat to sail out to the wreckage. You're a bit nervous but still excited. That is until you see the submarine. It's tiny, cramped, and has very little light. The CEO says that everything is completely safe. Your father tells you it will be fine. You really don't want to go, but the trip is happening on Father's day, and you really really don't want to disappoint your dad then. Plus, what kind of a son would you be if you made your father forfeit hundreds of thousands of dollars? Sure, it's peanuts compared to his wealth, but it's the principle of the thing.

So you get in, the crew seals you in from the outside, and you feel the submersible hit the water. Almost immediately, it starts sinking. Within minutes, the outside window is completely dark and the only lighting is from inside the submersible. It's also really sweaty because you're sharing the space with four other old men, and the smell is not the greatest.

But after an hour and some change, you notice that the CEO, the one captaining the boat, is acting a little strange. You keep your mouth shut, but what little controls there are are acting strange. Finally, he turns around and apologizes, saying that there is an issue with the submersible, that you are sinking too fast and the weight was not properly calibrated. Not to worry, he says, we'll just head back up and try again tomorrow.

But you notice the rest of the crew seems to be a bit nervous as well. The CEO is cursing under his breath and he says that he's released the sandbags, but you're not going up fast enough. You turn to your father and start to ask him a question, but before you can even comprehend it, the submersible has imploded within the space of 0.15 seconds. The inside of the sub briefly reaches temperatures that rival the surface of the sun. Your blood boils, your eardrums explode, and your body is so thoroughly disintegrated that not even cells will survive. But even if you had survived the implosion, the pressure certainly will. With over six thousand pounds per square inch, there is no chance that you will even have time to comprehend that you are underwater before your death.

This is not a sympathetic post towards the billionaires and everyone who knew the risks. This is a post about the son, who very well might have grown up to do good or to continue his father's empire and make the world worse. But we won't ever know, and I am going to be forever upset at the father who clearly thought he was invulnerable and who took the chance that his son would be too.

Eat the rich. Fuck billionaires. But this kid did not deserve this awful, untimely death. The rest of them can rot in hell for all I care. But he had a short life and didn't deserve to go out in that way.

[queersatanic]

"Lucien Greaves" on the Oklahoma City Bombing and bad PR

Via The.Satanic.Wiki

On Sept. 11, 2003, future co-owner of The Satanic Temple Doug “Lucien Greaves” Misicko, his friend and collaborator Shane Bugbee, and Shane Bugbee’s wife Amy Stocky hosted a 24-hour Internet radio stream with guests and callers to mark the release of their new edition of the proto-fascist manifesto Might Is Right. This is an excerpt from that recording.

CW: terrorism, praise of white nationalist violence, misogyny

Full transcript:

Shane Bugbee: Yeah, no, but that Waco- that Waco chunk was given to us by a guy in Waco. One of the survivors had half his body burned off, that we just played. And that's something that a doc, a gentleman doing a documentary had done. And he couldn't get it released, couldn't get it played anywhere. Nothing. And he basically just gave it to those- the fine folks at the Branch Davidian. And, um... that was it. They distributed to who they thought was trustworthy and such, and I wanted to disseminate that information for you. I'd like to hear if anyone is listening. Get on the chat boards at RadioFreeSatan.com. Leave a voicemail message at RadioFreeSatan.com. I think the number is... I'll get you the number in a second.

Amy Bugbee: A major person who did help pass around Day 51 was Tim McVeigh.

Shane Bugbee: Yeah, exactly. That was one of the people that gave it to and we're trying to live to- some people call McVeigh a terrorist and American terrorist. I call him an American hero. Okay?

Amy Bugbee: That's right. And I just finished reading American Terrorist, Timothy McVeigh story, and it's... fascinating. It's really a shame and the major- the thing that he was most upset about what the Oklahoma City bombing was the fact that the children dying outshined what the message was he was trying to convey by blowing up the building. And it's a real shame. He said, if he would have known that there were- there was a daycare center in there, he would have picked a different target because of that.

Doug Misicko: All right, that was the biggest mistake. And of course, it was easy for the media to take that away.

Shane Bugbee: What was the biggest mistake?

Doug Misicko: The fact that there was kids in there.

Shane Bugbee: That was your... you consider that a mistake?

Doug Misicko: Well, it's a PR mistake.

Shane Bugbee: Who gives a fuck? They're cops' kids. The only thing that would be better is if the cops were inside that building as the kids in the fucking wives got to watch their fucking husbands burn like pigs.

Doug Misicko: True, but he didn't generate any support.

Shane Bugbee: He wouldn't have no matter what he does he could fire a gun up in the air, he's gonna get arrested and treated like an asshole.

Doug Misicko: Nonetheless, anytime a cunt like Janet Reno runs amok and pulls a Waco, you're gonna produce hundreds of more McVeigh's or people that McVeigh mindset it's like they say about Iraq now. Or Afghanistan. You know, whereas you might have had one Osama bin Laden, now you have legions.

Shane Bugbee: Now when you talk about "bad PR", the real powerful folk don't give a fuck about bad PR. You think the- the Bush folks or people that go into Ruby Ridge and slaughter a pregnant woman, slaughter 14-year-old kid, shooting them two times in the back, all that bullshit? They didn't give a fuck about mowing down those kids at Waco. They did that shit so incredibly intense. Man, we saw this video where they've got- they've got infrared cameras above Waco and they're showing guys with M-16s sharpshooting in where the kids and women are running out. The fucking cop- and the army guys are shooting at these kids and- they don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck about bad PR, do they?

Doug Misicko: Yeah, they figured they can cover the PR. You look at...

Shane Bugbee: Nah, it's about fear. They fucking scared everyone in the fucking listening again.

Doug Misicko: People don't believe it'll happen. Why do you think Junior's crew now is trying to buy out radio?

[0jamajos]

so I watched that docu series of the Nepal/everest earthquake that came out last year and... uhm yeah I didn't like it much to be completely honest but there happens to be a group of isr*eli guys that were there and they're interviewed for the documentary and to see the way they think and operate like even unrelated to current events is bananas...

like they are walking with their group and find a woman groaning in pain dying and one of them sees the others trying to help this woman and says with no guilt or shame, with the scariest fucking look on his face that trying to help is stupid. They are walking and find a safe filled with money and photos of a local villager with his family and they just go ahead and take the money like it's nothing and then they get so upset that ppl are angry at them, say to each other that they did nothing wrong and instantly go defense mode and fight back instead of like just returning the damn money and saying sorry like normal people. They feel safer with armed soldiers around

they have some gps device which can be used to call for help and they decide not to tell anyone and just use it for themselves, when they call for help they ask the rescuer guy to bring guns cuz they so urgently need to be protected from the horrible people that are irrationally mad over their shameless stealing. They recall some events wrong and it's unclear if they're just lying freely and deliberately or are just adopting the lens of interpreting everything that happens in the way that'll make them look less guilty like out of habit with 0 awareness... It's insane, it's fascinating, it's extremely telling of the way these people are raised

[daenystheedreamer]

the hotd fandom on twitter (and ao3) is actually making me go insane.

i have no idea why the poor boy who plays Bastard #2 son of rhaenyra was targeted like that by adult fans of the show but it genuinely feels like a fever dream.

the casting announcement for alicent’s brother was announced yesterday i think and immediately you can see people shipping him with luke which is ???

like at this point they have to admit they just have a weird fascination with this 16-year-old actor and are obsessed with shipping him with conventionally attractive adult men but the fact that it’s so spread and normalized in this fandom makes me feel like i’m being gaslighted like is this not wrong? guys?? idk? what gets me is that they specifically use the child actor. they saw a kid hanging out and having no personality and turned him into the Uke Supreme i just don’t get it

i feel like it all boils down to the got fandom generally being so male obsessed because the same people who bash alicent and the actress who plays her then turn around and write fanfic about idfk aegon and daemon being their self-insert’s malewives which i think is fine but when you look at the whole picture it’s soo telling. lmao.

yeah its vile. im mostly live and let live, i cultivate what i see online and avoid what i know will make me upset + when i wanna be a hater im choosing to look at that stuff. but like the line is drawn when youre just being weird to a minor. there's this movie, death in venice, about a man becoming obsessed with this pretty male youth. and ironically, or perhaps darkly fittingly, the 15yo actor for tadzio (the youth, the actor's name is bjorn andresen) was made deeply uncomfortable with the experience due to continued sexual harassment because people could not fucking leave him alone. and it's terrible, it's horrible! there's a documentary (haven't seen it though) about his experiences called The Most Beautiful Boy in the World. also if you're into japanese pop culture, you'll see he's an influence on shoujo/yaoi/bishounen/sh*ta which should tell u everything u need to know.

essentially what I'm getting at is no matter what people say about fiction vs reality, i personally believe the line should be drawn at depictions of real life children. its the tadzio thing again plus i have no doubts if they were doing this to an underage actress it would be frowned upon by the exact same people being gross.

you're into the character/dynamic, you like yaoifying it, okay! it's not my place to judge if its okay to take pleasure in it either. live and let live but i can still think its gross. youre very clearly drawing this minor sensually/sexually and are oddly fixated on him. it's uncomfortable but sometimes you just have to take a look at yourself and recognise you're doing something kinda fucked up. its okay and sometimes necessary to recognise that you are a selfish being with selfish desires that are wrong sometimes, youre not evil but you can engage with it maturely. like idk i just dont think its 'neopuritan' or whatever the fuck to think the cp, even drawn, is gross.

ALSO EDIT: i am not cancelling death in venice the book or the film for being problematic. it is fiction. i hear theyre great actually. bjorn andresen and the kid from hotd however, are real life people. thats the part i think is gross. just before anyone calls me puritan and homophobic or whatever the fuck

[schizoid-mary]

My Asexuality, Prt. 1

How do I define my asexuality? I would say it's pretty easy: if you look up the dictionary definition of asexuality (1. of course lol)- there you have it. I wasn't born asexual (more on that in a future post), however, whether or not I was is irrelevant to me because it is what I am (I either am or am not) and it's how I currently live and have lived my life for the better part of a decade. I don't experience sexual attraction towards anyone or anything (not even myself), I don't experience physical or mental sexual arousal at all (some asexuals do experience physical or mental arousal but it's not in relation to or in response to any outside stimuli or person and it's different from feeling "horny"), I don't have a sex drive (some asexuals do have a sex drive [sex begins and lives in the brain/mind] but they're repulsed by other people's bodies/their own bodies/performing physical sexual acts/etc.) and I don't even masturbate because it doesn't do anything for me (for some asexuals it does, and for a variety of reasons).

I consider myself a "sex-neutral" asexual (as opposed to being "sex-adverse/sex-repulsed" or "sex-positive"), meaning I simply don't care for it personally, it isn't a part of my personal make-up and it isn't a motivator for me like it is for non-asexuals. However, I'm not repulsed by depictions/expressions of sex or sexuality in art/media, nor am I repulsed by sex in real life or other people's sexuality; in fact, I'm all for other people doing whatever the fuck they like as long as it's consensual and it isn't psychologically/physically/emotionally damaging to others or themselves... just don't bother me about it. I can actually say that I have a healthy fascination with/curiosity about sex and human sexuality, but from scientific, anthropological, sociological and historic perspectives; I love reading about and watching documentaries on how the first sex toys were made, prostitution in ancient civilizations, mating rituals in pre-history and those sorts of topics.

In my younger years I actually had a lot of sex, a lot of different types of sex, and sex with a lot of different types of people. That's actually how I came to the realization that I'm asexual (I first started to suspect it in my late teens/early 20s and fully realized it when I was in my late 20s). I figured I shouldn't knock it til I tried it so I tried it all. I thought that maybe I hadn't found who/what I was truly attracted to/aroused by yet. I thought that maybe it was a product of my childhood sexual trauma (but more about that in the same, soon-to-come post in which I expound on not having been born asexual). I even had myself tested and/or evaluated for hormonal imbalances/defects/other medical and psychological issues. But after everything (and everyone) was done, I had that "lightbulb moment" that I was simply exercising that natural curiosity/fascination inside of me as an experiment, and that in conclusion, I myself was asexual (before learning more about asexuality I knew that it existed but I never considered that it could apply to me due to having experienced sexual feelings in the past- I thought that one had to be born that way for it to be valid or not be a phase).

Before very recently (before my diagnosis), I had zero awareness of SzPD or its symptoms. Since learning that asexuality is a symptom of SzPD (and since putting together the pieces that my asexuality developed parallel to the onset and development of my SzPD), it's raised questions for me about whether I would become a sexual person if I underwent therapy/treatment for SzPD, or whether my asexuality would stay with me. Neither outcome is joyful or upsetting to me since I don't place any positive or negative value on (most of) my personal characteristics/personality traits/qualities (aka SzPD symptoms lol) and I reserve the right to change at any point in time. To me, I just am what I am and it doesn't matter why, especially since I'm (mostly) comfortable and content with what I am at any given point in time and I ride my changes with ease.

[cantquitu]

.

[luventi]

NSFW GENSHIN HEADCANONS — HOW THEY REACT TO YOUR NIPPLE PIERCINGS

with. kaeya, zhongli, diluc, childe, albedo, xiao, kazuha, thoma

cw. afab reader, some degradation, also some praising, both rough doms/gentlish subs (thoma), nipple play, modern au

note. i accidentally deleted this lmaoooo + reblogs appreciated!

kaeya: loves to tease you about them. he’ll say things like “my bunny is such a little whore getting her nipples pierced.” of course he doesn’t mean them but he loves to see you get riled up about it. and if you get really annoyed with him he’ll make it up to you by playing with your tits and calling you sweet names. “‘mm just joking sweetness they’re so cute.”

zhongli: at first he doesn’t really mind or notice them too much, it’s your body and you can do whatever you want to it, that being said he’s not too overly attracted to them either. but that’s before he notices how sensitive your nipples are now. everytime he slightly brushes past you, you hold back a moan. this drives zhongli to flick your nipples so much that you two can’t even walk past each other without ending up fuckin on the couch or whatever available surface.

diluc: has forgotten how to function. before he met you he’s always been a relatively vanilla and romantic partner. he likes what he likes and that’s it. but after you got them pierced diluc doesn’t know how to feel. every time he sees your tits bouncing with your new silver piercings he feels the need to comment about how perfect they look. and how he longs to hold them in between his hands as he fucks you dumb.

childe: an absolutely vile man. childe is obsessed with your nipple piercings, and you don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing. same as kaeya he teases you for getting them and gets off whenever you grab ahold of your own boobs and tell him that they’re cute and he’a lying. he’ll even go as far as pinching your nipples until you cry out for him to stop. but there’s times when he can be sweet; like when he sits you in front of the mirror and plays with your tits while telling you to look up at how gorgeous you look getting fondled like this, such a perfect angel.

albedo: he’s very fascinated with them. like how they peak through the thin shirts you wear and how you’ve been walking with a little more pep in you step. albedo knows what you’re doing, you want him to notice you, to give you and your new piercings some well deserved attention. so he does. he’ll sit you on his lap when you’re watching documentaries and gently tease them over your shirt. he’ll even give them open mouth kisses before he leaves for the lab every morning. if it’s attention you’ll want you’ll get it.

xiao: you two had one conversation about them and that’s it, you continue your lives like normal. it upsets you that xiao is generally just not the type of guy to make a big deal out of this, he’ll still fuck you the same so who cares? but you do. so much you whine that he doesn’t care about you because if he did he would react to your piercings in a more enthusiastic manner. which in turn upsets him that you would even joke about something like that. so he roughly shoves his hands under your shirt making you moan at his cold fingertips. “if my slutty little darling wanted attention why couldn’t they just ask for it?”

kazuha: thinks they’re so cute. he just wants to press his face in your chest and pepper them with kisses and tell you how badly you turn him on. kazuha is usually the more dominant one but seeing how soft your tits look will instantly have him begging for you. no poetry can describe how good your warm nipples feel in his mouth when you let him inside your shirt.

thoma: pops a boner as soon as you tell him about them. it’s no doubt thoma gets turned on about the slightest of things but now you’ve went and got your nipples pierced?? how ever will he survive. thoma starts to get more needier for you, brushing his hard cock against your ass whenever he can. asking if his sweet lover knows how bad he wants to fuck them over this counter. you can tease him too, but thoma is shameless he’ll beg for you however you want.

[tranzfalgar]

okay it’s time for some stardew valley headcanons for the bachelor/ette(s) so let’s GOOOO

Alex:

- he always awakes before his grandparents, and on warmer days he’ll go down to the beach to watch the sunrise.

- friends with elliot! the two of them sit on the side of the dock sometimes and just chat about life.

- knows how to make cookies, as evelyn taught him when he was a bit younger

- wary of the saloon, as he doesn’t really like the smell of alcohol and only goes into it if he’s forced to!

- if you marry him, he can and will pick you up randomly to surprise you while you’re working!

- if married, he will “bench press” your kids once they become toddlers, and it always makes them giggle

- hates the winter and gets cold really easily. on the first day of fall he’s already bundled up wanting it to be summer again.

Elliot:

- willy is like a father to him. the two of them sit on the docks and watch the fish swim by together

- sometimes he’ll braid his hair, and leah will bring flowers from the forest and weave them into his hair.

- has a rlly pretty singing voice, and likes to record piano covers in his spare time

- if you marry him and the two of u have kids, he’ll always braid their hair in the morning and tuck flowers behind their ears.

- he brings home fresh fish he caught and makes himself dinner every night. that’s why he’s an excellent cook.

- has actually caught a legendary fish before!

- his eyes change color, they can go from blue to green to brown in the same day. people call them the “prismatic shard of eyes”

Harvey:

- he’s so clumsy that sometimes he’ll even trip over air. due to this, he has little bruises all over his knees and elbows.

- his favorite animals are birds. sometimes he’ll go outside and just give them some bird seed. he loves watching them fly around.

- not only is he fascinated with planes, but he’s also fascinated with the weather. as a kid he used to watch the weather channel, and he dreamed of becoming a weatherman.

- when he needs to focus really hard, he’ll pull his hair back with a headband

- him and his mother were and still are very close, and he writes letters to her at least once a week

- he cannot cook to save his life, but he’s an incredible baker! will make you little treats if you’re friends or married

- he always wears a wristwatch, but the time is always 6 minutes behind. he likes it because it has a plane engraved into the side against his wrist.

Sam:

- he had adhd, and his stims include flapping his hands, tapping his foot and strumming his guitar

- he has a beautiful singing voice, think like wilbur soot but a bit more high pitched?

- the reason he likes cactus fruit so much is because he just plants them and lets them grow. he loves succulents because they don’t give him an allergic reaction!

- cannot play video games for shit. sebastian and abigail have banned him from multi-player games because he just sucks so bad.

- love language is acts of service, simply because he likes singing for people he cares about and doing little things for them!

- if you marry him, he will bring his guitar into the coop and/or barn and sing to the animals. they have learned to run over a greet him, since they love his singing.

- his hair is actually curly, but you’re unable to tell due to how much he gels and straightens his hair.

- has mastered the art of the puppy dog eyes

Sebastian:

- loves the hell out of halloween, but is scared of literally everything. he nearly cried watching a horror movie with sam and abigail.

- really good with a slingshot! so if he were to go into the mines, he would wreck some monsters shit with his slingshot skills

- he had glow in the dark stars on his ceiling, but removed them. he used to love the stars and space, but came to resent them because it was his sisters thing.

- he like…irl blushes. like an anime character. when he’s embarrassed, upset, flustered, his face will go all pink. everyone picks on him for it.

- has/had a crush on most of the towns singles. he is a bisexual disaster and secretly a romantic so….take from that what you will.

- a natural born ginger, but dyes his hair. he also has freckles on his nose! and he has an eyebrow slit because of a scar!!

- for some stupid reason, he takes really good care of his hands? like he always makes sure they don’t get calloused, and his nails are always painted black, despite using his hands all the time for work.

Shane:

- he cannot cook. he burned pasta noodles because he didn’t know you had to put water in the pan.

- he still has a chicken plushie from when he was a baby, and it still sits on his bed. and if he cuddles with it at night? no one needs to know.

- has a huge birthmark on his side shaped like a heart

- really good at mixology, so i think that when joja gets shut down, shane works at the saloon and makes the drinks while gus cooks. he adds a whole new section on the menu!

- friends with sebastian. they paint each other’s nails from time to time, or sit in the rain together and just talk.

- kinda strong as hell? he lifts boxes in joja for work, as well as carrying around jas, so i’m assuming he could just….pick the farmer and his friends up?

- he has the most contagious laugh, it used to be a rare sound, but now that it’s a pretty common occurrence, shane makes people laugh all the time with his own laugh.

Abigail:

- buff. she is buff as hell. her and alex work out together sometimes, since she expressed a desire for adventure. she has picked up sam and sebastian with no warning and thrown them into the ocean

- can talk to animals due to her being the daughter of the wizard! so sometimes she’ll go to marnies farm and just chat with the cows or something

- if she sees a tree, she WILL climb it. she loves it so much, it’s just so adrenaline inducing for her.

- her and sebastian tried to go into the mines before but sam stopped them because it wouldn’t have been very safe. they were all 14.

- trying to learn to play the ukulele with a little help from sam. it’s frustrating, but she really likes the sound of it, and she’s determined as hell.

- absolutely cracked at any and all video games he plays. mario kart? she will kick your ass. animal crossing? her island has 5 stars. pokémon? she always wins. you can’t stop her, she’s too powerful.

- she has glasses, but prefers contacts, since glasses would get in the way of her adventuring.

Emily:

- not only can she sew, but she also makes her own soaps and candles! any form of creation she adores.

- loves flowers, and has a lot of little potted ones in her room. she raises them, gives them little names and personalities, and then brings them to sandy and tells her all about each flower

- she can roller skate, and it’s her preferred method of transportation. she can do a bunch of fun tricks as well!

- has an eyebrow slit

- making cute little baskets of homemade gifts is her favorite thing to do for her friends. sometimes she’ll just leave them on their doorsteps for no reason other than she wants to!

- can SPRINT in heels. like even 6 inch heels she can just RUN and it scares everyone who sees it.

- she loves the sounds of birds chirping in the morning, and she’s able to identify the name of the bird by its chirping and calls

Haley:

- is able to perfectly crack and drink from coconuts. that’s why she loves them so much.

- has the worst sense of direction. she’s lucky she lives in a small town, or she’d get lost all the time

- the spring is her favorite time of year, simply because she loves to capture life coming back in those spring months. baby animals, blooming flowers, her friends on the beach or just chilling in the sun, all of it

- her most prized possession is the very first picture her and emily took as kids on their parents polaroid. it’s taped to her mirror

- has a little beauty mark under her lip, but it normally isn’t visible due to being covered with makeup!

- she’s able to do her own nails! this is because she is ambidextrous, yet she doesn’t know, because it’s never been brought up

- she fucking LOVES learning about and identifying plants, trees and flowers. she knows so many it’s crazy. she has a great memory.

Leah:

- resident true crime enthusiast and ghost hunter. she drags elliot with her around town to go hunting for ghosts. they also watch documentaries together!

- has a bunch of little scars on her hands from her artwork

- to get inspiration for works, she’ll go on walks at different times of the day, different seasons, different routes, and she’ll turn each walk into a work of art. depending on all the environment and those who she runs into, each piece is vastly different.

- animals love her, and will sometimes just follow her around for no reason. she doesn’t mind at all, she kinda loves it.

- friends with emily. they are currently teaching each other their own forms of art, since they love learning from each other!

- really good at dancing, she’ll dance while she’s working on projects and she’ll hum a song to herself

- her favorite statue was created after she went on a walk, ran into abigail, and the two of them went swimming in the ocean and stayed there as the sun set and the stars came out. she has a little crush on abigail.

Maru:

- her hair is ALWAYS tied up, it’s impossible for her to work if her hair is in her eyes

- when she was a kid she wanted to be an astronaut, because she loves the stars, but she found she prefers the science and math behind it all

- she pierced her own ears, she has little star earrings!

- watches cartoons and geeks out about them with penny when they meet up in town!

- for some odd reason, she is terrified of butterflies. no one who knows her, or even maru herself have ANY idea why, but she will run away if she sees one.

- her favorite memory was the one night her and sebastian stayed up really late as kids and snuck outside to look at the stars (back when sebastian still loved them) and they ended up seeing a meteor shower

- she presses flowers as a hobby, and just keeps them in a little notebook alongside her ideas for projects and gadgets.

Penny:

- while she’s cleaning her and pam’s home, she finds herself singing to herself. she has yet to be caught by anyone

- each day, her hair is done ever-so-slightly different. each morning, she likes to change it up, and sometimes jas or vincent will give her something to put in her hair

- also interested in ghosts, will occasionally join elliot and leah on their adventures

- she is naturally really warm, so she doesn’t have to bundle up as much during the winter. the kids cling to her because she’s like a human space heater

- has a bit of a geeky side, and she loves to watch cartoons a lot. when she can find the time, she always watches them. they being her lots of comfort.

- has a small scar on her side from when she tripped over as a child onto something sharp. she likes it because with two freckles, it makes a little smiley face

- loves the water and the feeling of sea wind in her hair. she secretly wants to learn to drive a boat, so she can feel that wind in her hair whenever she wants.

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam. I remember watching the fascinatingly weird Vermeer Pen... or was it Teller? In any case, that fascinatingly weird Vermeer documentary with you, so was wondering if you'd seen news of Vermeer's hidden Cupid?

Oh yes! Tim's Vermeer, with Penn Gillette. I love Vermeer; I hadn't seen the news about the Cupid (maybe even CUPIDS!) but that's really fascinating, thanks for the tip!

I have to say that while I'm always in favor of the artist's original intent being presented (as in this case where it appears the cupid may have been painted over out of prudishness) that is

a) One fuck-ugly baby

b) Honestly really distracting from the rest of the piece

I'm sure part of it is that I'm used to seeing that image without it, but also the lack of dynamism in the wall behind her really drew the eye down to the figure, and now there's like...this hideous putti in a bad wig prancing around over her shoulder.

My favorite Vermeer is Young Woman with a Water Pitcher, which I fell in love with when I saw it in the Met a few years ago. (I have a print of it in the living room, which pops up in photos of the Crypids occasionally.) I have to say if they discovered that the map on her wall was actually overpaint and something that awful was underneath, I'd be very upset.

In any case, I'm going to cope with this by imagining that Vermeer owned the painting of the putti purely because he loved how absolutely hideous it is, and he put it into paintings for patrons he particularly disliked.

[shadowywerewolfqueen]

Favorite

For Suptober Day 23.

“Sam, I can’t just tell Cas how I feel! What if he doesn’t feel the same way? We are roommates and I can’t afford for Cas to leave because he doesn’t want to be around me,” Dean said, laying on his bed while talking to his brother.

“If Cas’ money is the only reason why you want him as a roommate, then maybe he should leave,” Sam replied.

“Ugh, of course that’s not the only reason why I like having Cas around! The dude might be my roommate but he’s also my best friend! I can’t risk telling Cas the truth and losing him. I don’t know what I’d do without Cas,” Dean exclaimed, annoyed that his brother would insinuate that he only liked Cas for his money.

“Woah, dude, calm down! I didn’t mean to upset you. Dean, you’ve been crushing on Cas for years and you still haven’t made a move. If you don’t, someone else will,” Sam pointed out.

Dean groaned. “You don’t think I don’t know that! Hell, Crowley, Balthazar, and Meg have all asked him out multiple times. Thankfully, he’s turned all of them down.”

“So, what happens when he finally says yes to somebody?” Sam asked.

Dean buried his face in his pillow and screamed. When he was done, he answered his brother’s question. “Get really jealous and probably give the person the stink eye anytime they are around Cas.”

Dean could practically see the bitch face he knew Sam was giving him. “Exactly, so why don’t you grow a pair and tell Cas how you feel!”

“I don’t even know what to tell him!”

“Why don’t you make a list of all the things you like about Cas. Pick out a couple and come up with a way to spend some together focused around those things. Then, maybe hint at the possibility of it being a date and see how Cas reacts,” Sam suggested.

Dean frowned. “Dude, that sounds so fucking girly!”

“Then keep pining like a lovesick teenager and don’t ask me for anymore help,” Sam said, obviously annoyed.

“Fine, don’t get your panties in a knot. I’ll try, but we both know that all this mushy crap isn’t my thing,” Dean said.

“Well, if you want Cas to be your boyfriend, then you better make it your thing. Look, I’ve gotta go, but I’ll talk to you later. Love you,” Sam said.

“Yeah, alright. Love you too and good luck on your test.”

“Thanks Dean, bye jerk.”

“Bye bitch,” Dean replied, softly. He dropped his phone on the bed and lay there, contemplating if he could just jump in a hole and let it swallow him. He finally rolled out of bed and walked over to his desk. He grabbed a pen and paper and started writing.

A few days later, Castiel walked into the apartment he shared with Dean. He headed into the kitchen and grabbed a soda from the fridge. He drank half of it before walking to his bedroom and grabbing his overflowing laundry basket. He paused by Dean’s door before deciding to see if Dean had any dirty clothes. He opened the door and walked inside. He grabbed the few clothes he saw lying on the floor and then walked to Dean’s desk to grab the shirt that was lying on top. 

He picked the shirt up and something flew onto the floor. Cas went to drop the clothes into his basket before walking back into the room. He picked the piece of paper up and was surprised to see his name written on it. His curiosity was too strong to be ignored. As he read, his eyes widened with every bullet point.

My Cas List aka All My Favorite Things About My Roommate/Best Friend/Guy I’m In Love With

His hair. I love how it’s shining black, almost like a raven’s wings. Also love how no matter how hard he tries to make it lie flat, it always gives him a perpetually just got laid look.

His eyes. Holy shit, I could write an entire essay on Cas’ eyes. They are the deepest, purest, most gorgeous fucking blue I’ve ever seen. They remind me of the ocean when the sun is reflecting off the water.

His smile. I mean his real smile, where his gums show and his eyes and nose scrunch up. I love it so much because he rarely smiles that big. It’s like a freakin ray of sunshine! Although, I’ve noticed he smiles a lot like that when we hang out. Ha, suck it Crowley!

His body! Man Cas, has a killer fucking body with those broad shoulders, flat stomach, and them thighs! Oh my God, he could crush a watermelon with those things. Hell, I wish he would crush me with them. And he’s got a pretty impressive cock (what can I say, I was a peeping Tom a few times!) I wish I knew what it felt like to have it buried in my ass, man I bet he would fill me up just right!

His hands! He’s got huge ass hands and man I love to just watch him pick shit up. When he touches me with them, I get goosebumps all over. I just wished he’d touch me more often with them.

His voice. Whiskey on gravel and man the things it does to me! Man, what I would give to be in bed with Cas and have him order me around with that voice of his. Ughh, I get hard just thinking about it.

His fascination with bees. He’s so passionate and I love listening to him talk about how important they are for the environment and how they make their honey. I might not love bees, but I would listen to Cas all day because when he talks his eyes light up and he gets one of his gummy smiles.

His utter lack of understanding of pop culture references. I mean he literally gets none of my references but that just means I get to educate him. I love our movie marathon weekends because of all the time I get to spend with him!

He can’t cook worth a shit! That just means he loves my cooking all the more, especially my burgers! They make him very happy haha.

His baking skills! Dude might burn spaghetti noodles but he makes the best darn pies, cakes, and cookies I’ve ever tasted! The best thing in the world is coming home to a freshly baked apple pie made by Cas. It’s even better than Ellen’s (not that I would tell her that.)

He loves Sam as much as I do! Sammy means the world to me and to know that Cas loves him and treats him like his own brother means everything! Cas will hang out with Sam just as much as me and that earns major brownie points in my book!

He knows nothing about cars but he loves Baby! Enough said!

He loves animals. I never thought I would enjoy giving up a couple Saturday’s a month to go volunteer at the humane society but boy do I love it! I think I’ll ask Cas about adopting a pet and see what he says. I bet he’ll say yes.

His head tilts when he’s confused. It’s just so damn cute.

That damn trench coat of his. He’s the only person in the world who looks so darn sexy in a plain brown coat.

The fact that he will steal my clothes and wear them before wearing his own. God he looks sexy when he wears my stuff.

All the times we spend hanging out. Cas is always down to do anything whether it's going to the arcade, or the zoo or a football game. Hell we spent an entire day at a car museum and then at a natural history museum just so we could do what each other likes! Besides Sam, there’s no other person I would want to hang out with.

His personality! Wow, that’s a huge one but it’s true. Cas is the most caring, thoughtful, loyal, smart, funny, kind, awesome, brave, generous, etc, etc. Cas is the best friend a guy could ask for and I can’t imagine not having him in my life. He’s a freaking angel and I just wished I deserved him. I wish I had the freaking nerve to tell him how I feel because getting to spend the rest of my life with someone as amazing as Cas is better than all the free burgers and pie in the world.

I could keep going but my hand is getting tired and I’ve got work to get to or else Bobby will have my hide. Maybe, one day, I’ll actually show this to Cas but probably not. I only did this because Sam suggested it would help come up with a way to ask Cas out, but all it’s done is made me realize why I don’t deserve him in the first place.

Cas plopped down on Dean’s bed and just stared at the note, unable to believe what he just read. He sat there for nearly ten minutes trying to process his thoughts. Finally, he grabbed a piece of paper off Dean’s desk and started writing a letter of his own.

“Cas, I’m home! I figured I would make my burgers for dinner along with some homemade fries. Afterwards, we can watch that bee documentary you recorded,” Dean called as he headed to the kitchen. He smiled when he saw his friend sitting at the table, a cup of hot tea nestled between his hands. Cas had a real fondness for the stuff.

“Hello Dean,” Cas said.

Dean paused, Cas’ tone not the pleasant sound it normally was. “Uh, everything alright?”

Cas nodded and took a sip of his drink. “It is.” He sat his cup back down before reaching into his pocket and taking a piece of paper out. He unfolded it and slid it to the opposite side of the table. “Sit down, and read this please.”

Dean couldn’t help but eye his roommate as he took a seat and grabbed the paper. The blood drained from his face when he read the top line.

All My Favorite Things About My Favorite Person aka The Person I’m In Love With

Dean’s stomach was in knots as he looked at Cas. “Uh, what is this?”

“Just read it Dean,” Cas replied.

Dean sighed before looking at the paper once more.

       1. His looks. I am a sucker for blonde hair and he has dark golden locks that always seem to lie perfectly even when he just runs his fingers through it. His eyes are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. They are like a forest on a warm spring day.        2. His laugh. He doesn’t laugh overly much but when he does, he has a smile that lights up his face and his whole body shakes with joy. I could listen to his laugh from sunrise to sunset. I’ve noticed he laughs a lot around me and it always makes my heart beat faster when I hear it.        3. His body! The Greek sculptors couldn’t find a better specimen if they looked. He has the perfect face with plump lips, high cheekbones, and a strong jaw. Then he’s got wonderfully muscled shoulders, a wide chest, a toned stomach, and bow legs (which I find freaking adorable. I may or may not have seen his cock which is extremely impressive and I dream about wrapping my mouth around it and bringing him to orgasm.

Dean couldn’t help his thoughts as he read. “This dude sounds perfect but hell, I’ve got all of that. I mean my hair may not be gold and my eyes are just a plain green but I’ve got a pretty good body. I definitely have the damn bow legs and my dick is pretty spectacular.” He continued reading.

       4. Did I mention his bow legs? I know he hates them, but I think it just adds  to his overall physique. I wouldn’t mind having them wrapped around me any day!

       5. His voice. When he sings, it’s like water running over rocks. It’s clear and smooth and I wish he'd sing more often!

       6. His love of cars! He’s got the most awesome vintage car in the world and there’s nothing better than just going on long drives in her. I can spend hours listening to him talk about cars even if I don’t have a fucking clue what he’s talking about.

Dean tried to keep the scowl from his face as he thought, “Now wait a damn minute! Baby is the best car in the world and whoever this guy is can bite me! Maybe Cas doesn’t like Baby as much as I thought. I guess he was just pretending about enjoying our car rides together.”

       7. His ridiculous amount of knowledge about all pop culture related things. I don’t think he can say more than three sentences without referencing a movie, or TV show, or band. It’s ridiculous and sometimes talking to him is like trying to learn a foreign language! But that just gives me all the more reasons to have movie marathons with him so that maybe one day, I can be as savvy as he is.

       8. His obsession with cowboys! The man dresses as Clint Eastwood every year for Halloween! Need I say more?

Dean glanced at Cas, but he was looking to the side towards the kitchen window. “I want to meet this dude and show him I know more about pop culture than he ever could! I also bet my Clint Eastwood costume is better! I don’t understand why Cas is so caught up on this dude! I have all of this and I bet I do it better!”

       9. His cooking! If I could only eat his burgers for the rest of my life, I’d die a happy man!

“I thought my burgers were the best, though! Cas has said multiple times how they’re practically orgasmic,” Dean said inside his head.

       10. His love of sweets, especially pie! He would live on pie if he could and I love to spend all day baking sweets and watch him enjoy the fruits of my labor!

       11. He’s a family man and loves his brother with everything he has! They have one of the strongest sibling bonds I’ve ever seen and I’m so happy they took me in and include me in all their adventures.

       12. He knows nothing about bees but will listen to me ramble about them all day. He gets this almost dreamy look as he listens and it makes my heart melt to know that he pays attention even if it isn’t his thing.

Dean frowned as he thought, “I fucking enjoy Cas’ baking and I will listen to him all damn day talk about bees! Why is Cas so hung up on this dude when I’ll do all the same shit! What if Sam was right and Cas got tired of waiting for me, so found someone else that was a lot like me?”

       13. He loves coming to the animal shelter with me! He didn’t at first but now he never says no! Maybe one day, we’ll have our very own dog or cat.

       14. He has this small pudge above his waist from all the burgers and pie he eats that won’t go away no matter what! Again he hates it, but it’s the comfiest spot to rest my head on when we’re lying on the couch together.

Dean dropped his hand to his stomach and pushed against his own small pooch. Cas always used it for a pillow, but this mystery guy’s must be better. Since when did Cas go to the animal shelter with anybody but Dean? Dean thought it was their thing, but obviously he was wrong.

       15. His love of all things plaid! Like I’m pretty sure his wardrobe is 90% flannel and 10% everything else! Although, me stealing about ten of his old band t-shirts didn’t help, but they smell like him so I just had to.

       16. His necklace that he always wears. His brother gave it to him and he never takes it off. 

Dean wrapped his fingers around the amulet hanging from his neck. Sam had given it to him for Christmas when they were kids after their dad failed to show up yet again. It meant the world to him and if he ever lost it, he would be heartbroken.

       17. All the time we spend hanging out together. There’s never any telling where we’ll end up! It could be a zoo or a museum or some kind of sports game! We’ve gone bowling, golfing, and I even convinced him to go on a rollercoaster with me. He held onto me the entire time because he’s afraid of heights. Of course I went with him to a car show the following week to even it out.

“I thought hanging out with me was special,” Dean thought sadly. His shoulders dropped as he realized that maybe Cas didn’t enjoy hanging out as much as he thought. It was obvious that Cas enjoyed spending time with his crush more than Dean.

       18. His personality! There isn’t enough paper in the world to write everything I love about him. He’s wicked smart and has a great sense of humor! He’s loyal and kind hearted! He will help anybody who needs a helping hand whether it’s mowing their lawn or taking them to the store because their car broke down. He’s stubborn, sure, but he’s also brave and ambitious and full of life. He’s definitely the life of every party we go to! He’s the extrovert to my introvert. He’s extremely dependable and responsible. He’s strong but also gentle! He can be a little cocky but hey, he’s earned it! He’s the best guy I’ve ever met and I would never want to live another day of my life without him. There’s not another guy on this Earth that I love like I do him and I just wish he realized how much I care for him. He can be very self doubtful about himself even though he can also be the most confident person in the world. I love him with all of my heart and I just hope when I finally tell him how I feel, he won’t turn me down.

Dean dropped the paper to the table, unable to look at it any longer. He was barely keeping the tears from falling as his heart shattered into pieces. He had everything on Cas’ list, yet Cas had chosen another person instead of him. All because Dean had been too chicken to admit his feelings. He looked up at Cas and tried to plaster a smile on his face. “I hope this guy realizes just what a gift he has waiting for him. You’re amazing Cas and anybody would be lucky to call you theirs.”

Cas smiled. “Thank you, Dean. He is a pretty awesome guy, and there’s no one else I’d rather be with.”

Dean sighed, trying to keep the bitterness from leaking into his voice. “Then why aren’t you with him? Why didn’t you show him this list instead of me? Do you want me to proofread the damn thing for you?” So, he was being a bit of an ass. He just found out the guy he was in love with didn’t like him back. How else was he supposed to respond?

Cas laughed softly. “No, I don’t want you to proofread it. As far as why I didn’t just hand it to the guy, I actually just did. He’s being a little dense right now.”

“Wait, what?” Dean exclaimed, his eyes locking with Cas’. Had Cas just said what he thought he said? Dean tried to keep his hopes in check in case he had heard wrong.

Cas stood to his feet and walked over to stand beside Dean. He reached for Dean’s hand and wrapped his fingers around Dean’s. “You are the guy in that letter.”

Dean opened and closed his mouth a few times before squeaking out, “Me?”

“Yes, you. I saw your letter to me when I went to get your dirty clothes and figured I’d write one of my own,” Cas explained. He squeezed Dean’s fingers and smiled brightly at him.

Dean stared at Cas before reaching up and cupping his cheek in his hand. “You really mean it?” he asked as he searched Cas’ eyes for any sort of lie.

“Every word,” Cas said softly. “I love you Dean, so much it hurts.”

“I love you too, Cas! I’m sorry it took so long,” Dean said, a tear sliding down his cheek.

“That’s ok, we just have lots of time to make up for! There’s a few things on our lists that I want to make a reality ASAP,” Cas replied with a smirk.

Dean’s eyes went wide as a smile stretched his lips. “Oh fuck yes,” he cried before crashing his lips against Cas’. Cas responded immediately, sliding his hands into Dean’s hair and slotting their mouths ever tighter together. They finally had their favorite person in their arms!

[icharchivist]

this is actually bewildering how despite how little my mom and i manage to talk or connect with one another, when our interests end up crossing it end up crossing in the most bonkers way possible.

anyway under cut mention of ob//ey me and huh. Discussion of religions that probably qualify as heresy and probably would upset very religious people. (??? i’m not really sure but just in case.) consider yourself warned i guess?

Anyway this post have another degree off hilarity if you follow me for long enough to know about my mom and similar situations before.

As i mentioned, don’t get along with her, bad emotional bagage yadayadayada, but she is the reason i ended up caring this much about history and how much we overread and discuss on some topics, especially those concerning the Bi//ble and stuff. (disclaimer: she’s je//wish, my father insisted on giving me a ca//tholic education, but my mom always insisted on some readings and stuff, and idk what i am nowadays but neither my mom and i are religious if it makes sense, but we did study the topic in depth.)

but i am a fiction person first, though when a fiction i like is based on some historical stuff i often end up digging there.

Which led to bonkers situation in the past where, say, when i was obsessed  over d//gm was the time my mom kept watching stuff about APOCRYPHS like YEAH SURE. Then dr//agon age, turNS OUT it was when my mom was watching documentaries about templars ALL THE TIME. THEN when i got obsessed with g//bf because of Percival, it was when my mom was OBSESSED about Arthurian documentaries and i would often walk in the living to hear her go through those. And, ofc, religionwise, the fact my mom has a fascination with the Sumerians and the Arcadians, and have been studying and watching about Canaan and its culture for years, which also coincide with the time period i was deep into w///mtsb. Canaan being the place most myth around Lucifer, or as he was called, Helel Ben Shahar, originated from Canaanite religions (esp Ugarit’s), and is also the place that saw the importance of Ba’al ie Beelzebub grow before the hebraic religion took hold of it. Basically the long story short is that a lot of the mythos found in the To//rah is inspired by the myths from those regions that were lost to the time and it’s often why the deity from those regions are now the names of popular demons.  (if you’re into g///bf : ofc Lucifer and Bubs should be a telling, Sahar is Lucio as you know, Canaan was the place Lucifer lived in.)

aND LET ME BE CLEAR this is COMPLETELY accidental, i never talk to her about stuff i like (she doesn’t listen anyway), and when she ends up discussing those with me i’m already in an hyperfixation that match accidentally. idk how we have THIS as a timing OUT OF ANYTHING ELSE.

This is like. My normal life okay. Anyway it’s actually not unusual for us to discuss Canaan’s mythos when we see each other, since well we both made researches about it, let’s go. “Canaan is actually the most common discussion topic i have with my mom that isn’t tainted by personal trauma” top ten bewildering sentence but that’s my life let’s go.

Another important piece of setting, we were eating at a restaurent (my country banned the possibility to go on restaurent without a proof you’re vaccinated so we were safe just so it’s clear)

So, we were at dinner discussing Canaan on my birthday LIKE ONE DOES, and look. I at least AM prepared for my mom to go on tangente about Beelzebub. While it came out of nowhere, i am not surprised my mom started to talk about the inspiration behind Satan in the middle of the dinner.

what i didn’t expect was her suddenly going “and of course here we have Asmodé. Do you know who Asmodé is?”

me, stupid: “this is awfully familiar why do i know who Asmodé is. Well if it’s linked to Canaan his name must have become one of a demon so i must know an Asmo---”

and suddenly i froze. and i started laughing. like a fucking moron.

Meanwhile my mom “well you know Asmodé actually was the king of said country who-”

“Who opposed King Solomon yeah? yeah. yeah i know.”

“Exactly, so you know who is Asmodé.”

and then i bursted into laughing and i had to explain to my mom about the fucking dating app. I had to explain it to my mom. 

“I didn’t recognize Asmodé right away because i’m used to his english name, Asmodeus. And yeah i know him he called me this morning on my fucking app to wish me a happy birthday.”

at least it made my mom laugh as well.

I mentioned to her who were the seven brothers and i love. That when i said “and ofc Belphegor and Beelzebub”

My mom still unaware: “ oh yeah!! the two who are based on Baal! Baal Phégor and Baal-Zebub who are based on the same divinity and why those two demons were associated with the cult of Baal.”

Me still holding a laughter “yeah they’re twins in game.”

My mom: “AS THEY SHOULD BE.”

My mom NEVER listens to me talk about the fiction i like unless it’s connected to something she likes like that (bc then it means she can go “since it’s like that in your fiction DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS-” and tangente back on the legends and stuff)

Anyway so the thing is that we went deeper into this conversation, as one does, so we talked in depth, as usual, about Satan, Beelzebub, Asmodeus, L I K E O N E D O ES. 

And halfway through the mean i suddenly realized that the people on the table next to us, who i noticed were speaking english to start with though they understood french just fine, had been looking at us awkwardly for a long time. The woman especially was looking at me very weirdly.

It took me a few minutes to realize that they probably overheard us talk about demons the entire time and that i totally mentioned to my mom “so i have this dating app where i can date Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub and Belphegor”, a totally fucking normal conversation. That i don’t know if they understood everything we were saying bc we talk so fucking fast to start with, and also the fact i worry bc while it’s ofc you can run into religious french people, english speaking people tend to be more religious and in my experience? know much more demon names than the average french religious person. SO THIS WAS AWKARD.

SO. What the fuck do i even do with this. What the fuck do i even DO WITH ALL OF THIS.

And like i said i’m actually used about us talking about Canaan and i legit wouldn’t have connected the dots if she just talked about Beelzebub, i’m used to him, it’s Satan that destabilized me because my mom brought him up when we were talking about Seth, the Egyptian god (and the irony that Mankind is the “descendant of Seth” by the To//rah, and we were talking about how Seth (Egyptian) was associated to “Baal” and then my mom so proudly went “and then, because of that, Set, known also as Sutek => Satan” and i had to keep a sTRAIGHT FACE as if my first thought wasn’t “yes the guy i want to kiss all the time, continue.”) and then it’s  Asmodeus that made me lose my damn shit, and i’m also realizing the absolute irony that i was listening to the ob//ey me songs while coming to join my mom for dinner to start with. 

I was totally prepared about a conversation about Canaan, that’s my mom’s hyperfixation let’s say. I didn’t expect that it’d come with “sudden realization that just like those others times where our interests crossed, this is happening again over this dating app i play with”

I legit don’t know what to say more i’ve been laughing none stop since i came back home. My normal i guess.

[tonystarkstan]

It’s Astronomy class that sends Peter spiraling.

He took the class for fun. While it’s not really necessary for his major, he’s always loved space and math, and a break from the more grueling science courses he’s currently taking is welcome.

College has not exactly been kind to Peter. And, really, life hasn’t spared him much kindness anyway, but trying to navigate PTSD, depression, anxiety, and taking a break from Spider-Man is much harder away from the comfort of his own home. Away from Tony and May.

To be fair, Peter does like college. The freedom isn’t really anything new, since both May and Tony have always granted him more freedom than the typical teenager, but he loves diving deeper in his classes, loves learning the ins and outs of everything. And he likes the distraction, the chance to feel like a normal kid and not like someone who’s seen the horrors of war.

But he misses his friends, and he misses May and Tony, and he misses Spider-Man. He’s glad for the break, but he misses being useful.

He misses eating ice cream out of the tub with May at one in the morning when she gets home from work, exhausted, and he misses lab days with Tony. He misses watching movies with Ned and hanging out with MJ. And he misses hugs that keep him together when he wakes up with bad brain days prying his chest open.

Like today.

At first, it’s manageable. At first, he’s able to lift himself out of bed, even with remnants of red still playing behind his eyelids, unwilling to be rubbed away. And maybe he has to focus a little extra on keeping his breaths even and moving his feet that feel like lead because they just want him to stop moving, but it’s fine. He’s gotten better at living with the black hole in the middle of his chest.

He gets through his first class of the day, organic chemistry, well enough. He’s lucky enough that the subject has always come second nature to him, and today is just a lecture—no lab—so it’s okay if he zones out a little. It’s all fine.

Until he gets to Astronomy class. Nothing out of the ordinary happens. In fact, it’s almost boring. He likes his professor a lot, and today she shows them a clip of a documentary to explain a concept they’re learning.

On the screen, an astronomer is talking about a cluster of stars they’ve been watching for about two decades, orbiting a black hole near the center of the galaxy. One such star, she explains, called S0-2 is the closest of its neighbors to the black hole. As it approaches, a phenomenon called “gravitational redshift” occurs.

Put simply, it’s losing energy.

Peter’s brain takes in the information and runs with it.

When the professor dismisses them, he sits there for a moment, thinking and thinking and thinking. Thinking about how achingly lonely that star must be, how helpless, as the black hole slowly reels it in. He thinks about the people who have watched it happen over the course of decades, fascinated by the tragedy playing out before them.

I need to tell Tony, he thinks. Peter can’t pinpoint why, but it suddenly feels extremely important that he tells Tony. He needs him to know about the star S0-2.

He’s quick to gather up his bag and leave the building, and he fumbles with his phone, nearly dropping it as he searches for Tony’s name in his contacts. And all he can think is, Is S0-2 even there anymore? Or have we been watching the corpse of a star all this time, the real thing having been spaghettified and swallowed whole already? And what if—

“Peter?”

He didn’t even realize he’d pressed the ‘Call’ button already.

“Hello?” he answers, like it’s a question. As if Tony’s the one who called him.

“Hey, kid,” Tony says cautiously. “You okay?”

Peter thinks about S0-2, and he feels an inexplicaple sense of grief well inside of him. He doesn’t know how to explain it, he doesn’t know why it hurts so much. Why he can’t leave it in the classroom like he does with carbon chains and Hardy-Weinberg equations.

“There’s a star called S0-2. She’s losing energy,” Peter tells Tony, because this is important. He needs Tony to know this.

“Yeah?” Tony asks, voice tense.

“Yeah. We learned about her today during class. She’s orbiting a black hole. Astronomers have been watching her for twenty years,” Peter tells him. He doesn’t even notice he’s stopped walking, now standing under a large oak in the empty, spacious courtyard.

“You’re upset,” Tony observes, and Peter runs a distressed hand through his hair.

“It’s just that—there’s nothing they can do. They just have to—to let it happen. And for all we know it’s already happened and we’re just watching it on rewind,” Peter tells him, not even noticing as his voice pitches higher. “It’s inevitable. She’s going to lose more and more energy and then one day, the astronomers are going to find her gone because she’s no match for all that darkness.”

“Peter.”

“Do—do you think she’s scared?” Peter asks, and his chest feels like it’s cracking open. He thinks about that fucking star, fighting and fighting to keep her light and her energy, and he thinks about the Snap that tore him to pieces no matter how hard he tried to stay together.

He remembers the very moment he realized it was going to happen anyway.

(It makes sense, he thinks. We were made from stars; it figures we’d meet the same end as them.)

“Peter,” Tony repeats, and this time his voice sounds impossibly close. He flinches when he feels a hand land on his shoulder, and he whirls around to find Tony standing behind him, suit retracting.

“Tony,” Peter says desperately, trying to get him to understand, not even registering that Tony’s flown from home, away from Morgan and Pepper, to see him. “She doesn’t deserve it.”

Tony slides the hand on his shoulder up to cup his cheek, looking Peter straight in the eye.

“Peter, look at me,” he says, voice pitched low. “Neither did you.”

Peter inhales sharply, wrapping his arms around himself. He feels the darkness in his chest expand and he looks at Tony with pleading eyes.

“You don’t understand. What if—what if I’m the black hole? And I’m just draining and draining and taking everyone’s energy?” he asks, and Tony crouches down to eye level in front of him.

“Peter, Peter, stop. Listen to me,” Tony says firmly. “You are not S0-2. You are not the black hole it’s orbiting. You’re a human,” Tony tells him, gently shaking his shoulders for emphasis. “You’re Peter Parker. And you’re going to get through this. You know why?”

Peter shakes his head, swiping a hand messily across his cheeks, not even realizing he’s been crying.

“Because I’m here,” Tony says, so certain. Unwavering. “And no black hole or god or even yourself can change that. Not if I can help it.”

Peter’s chest heaves, face crumpling, and Tony doesn’t hesitate before pulling him in. Later, Peter will be thankful that the courtyard is cleared, that no one but Tony is around to see him break.

And Tony—Tony is a calm, steady presence in front of him. He doesn’t say anything; he just holds Peter close until all the darkness bleeding out of him recedes, and depression’s gravity loosens it’s hold, just a little.

When Peter finally pulls away, Tony gives him a soft smile and a moment to compose himself. But there’s one more question tugging at him, something he can’t let go of.

“Tony?” Peter asks, voice small.

“Yeah, Pete?”

“Do you think S0-2 would think it was all worth it?” he asks, feeling stupid. But Tony’s face softens with understanding.

“Yeah, Peter,” he says, completely certain. “I think she would.”

(Maybe we won’t get beautiful ends. Maybe our friendships will die and our families will fall apart. Maybe we’ll meet an ugly death. But the beautiful in the middle? That’s worth every bit of it.)

[jaybirdxarsenal]

Deepest Darkest Secret (Bruce Wayne x Reader)

Guess who’s back...back again...

Summary: Bruce comes clean to the reader about his Dark Knight persona. (I wrote this in like an hour and I didn’t edit it, be aware)

MASTERLIST.

Word Count: 1.7k

Regarding my permanent tags, as I was off Tumblr for a long time I’m going to redo the list, as maybe some people aren’t interested anymore. Therefore, If you want to be added to my permanent tag list, leave a comment or send me a message. ^^

***

Alfred greeted you and offered you some tea and biscuits just like any other time you would come visit. He started to get used to your present in the Manor and was very fond of the idea of Bruce finally having someone reliable, someone who actually seems to care about him other than Alfred himself. You were also like a breath of fresh air, in his opinion, as Bruce was always with a smile on his face at the sight of you. It is quite interesting how a person can change when they fall in love, and he wasn’t sure he was going to see that happening with Bruce, the man he basically raised, but he was more than thrilled that it happened, and deep inside, Alfred was praying for this relationship to last a very long time.

Bruce texted you asking if you can come over, without any reason in particular. You thought that perhaps he missed you, as you haven’t seen each other in the past few days due to his busy schedule, but in reality he had something else prepared. The truth.

For a long time now, Bruce was facing a feeling he hadn’t felt in a really long time, such a long time that he even forgot it exists. Happiness. As strange as it sounds, happiness wasn’t something the philanthropist was used to. But as he met you, things began to change, and he realised that this thing called ‘’happiness’’ that he felt when he was with you is something that he enjoys and cherishes.

But due to his nightly activities, he knew that there is a possibility that he might lose you. Not everyone is eager to put their life in danger to be with someone like him. You already had to face the Gotham’s elites at every Gala, he doesn’t know if you can take this part of his life on your shoulders as well.

As you met his eyes, your heart couldn’t help but get filled up with love. It was unbelievable what love can do to a soul and how fulfilling can it feel.

‘’Love.’’ he approached you, lowering his head a little to be able to kiss you. ‘’I missed you.’’ He pulled you into a hug and took a deep breath.

‘’I missed you too.’’ You replied, letting yourself melt into his arms.

Your reunion was followed by silence, as both of you were assimilating each other. And as he held you in his arms, and your arms were holding him, both of you silently agreed that you loved each other. And Bruce knew that it’s time for the truth to be revealed.

‘’[Y/N]…I must confess something to you.’’

As you looked into his eyes, you could tell that he was worried. Of what? You were about to find out.

‘’Bruce…Is everything alright?’’

‘’Follow me.’’

You did as he said, and stopped when he did. In front of you was that big watch of his, that wasn’t really your style but in a way you found it kind it fascinating.

‘’There is something that you don’t know about me and I think it’s time to come clear. I appreciate and love you too much to let you get attached even more when there is all of this behind me.’’

‘’Bruce, what are you talking about?’’

He sighed and did the thing. That thing that you didn’t even know it’s possible. He set the time of the clock at 10:48 and somehow, like in those spy movies, a dark entrance was revealed behind it. You could only tell that there were some stairs, but you couldn’t tell what’s after them.

‘’What’s in there?’’ You asked, a bit hesitating.

‘’After you.’’ He was serious. Maybe too serious. Thing that creeped you out a little.

You were never the one to truly trust someone, and as much as you loved him, this was creepy.

‘’Look, Bruce, no offense, but there are two possibilities here. One, you are Batman, two, you are a serial killer. And I am not very fond of the second possibility…’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Look, I watched too many documentaries too be fooled.’’

He was a little surprised by your reaction. He was expecting anything but that reaction.

‘’[Y/N] is not what you think.’’

‘’If not I better find the Batmobile down there. After you.’’

The fact that you were actually serious made him smile.

‘’Why are you smiling?’’ You asked suspicious.

‘’What if I am both?’’

‘’What..?’’

‘’What if I am both Batman and a serial killer, have you thought about that?’’

‘’If that is the case I guess the odds aren’t really in my favour…’’

‘’I guess not.’’

‘’Are you messing with me?’’

‘’A bit.’’

‘’Bruce this is not funny!’’

‘’Come on, [Y/N], if I was a serial killer I think you would have been dead by now.’’

‘’Look, man, serial killers work differently. I don’t know how you operate. Maybe you make women fall in love with you and then you show them your secret entrance to some kind of creepy huge ass basement.’’

‘’[Y/N], just trust me.’’

‘’Na-ah. My motto in life safety first.’’

‘’Really? I thought it’s live, love, laugh.’’

‘’Fuck you, Bruce Wayne!’’

‘’Later. Now come, I’ll go first.’’

‘’Alright.’’ You said as you took a step forward, following him.

‘’But you know I can take you down even if I go first, right?’’ And you stopped at the top of the stairs.

‘’Bruce, this isn’t funny at all.’’

‘’Alright, I’m sorry, no more jokes, now come.’’

Suspiciously you followed him. You have to admit that you were a little more than curious to see what’s down there, and if your boyfriend was indeed a serial killer he can take you down in the blink of an eye, so might as well satisfy your curiosity before dying at the hands of your lover, right?

But as you were walking the lights were up and this gloomy basement wasn’t really a basement as you assumed. It was a cave. With a huge dinosaur and…the Batmobile?

‘’Is that the Batmobile?’’ You gasped. ‘’Oh my god. You are Batman.’’

You looked around, assimilating everything. It was a lot. The computers, the suits, the vehicles and all the other things. Bruce just followed you as you took small steps, curious of your surroundings.

‘’But…’’ You turned around to face him, being a few steps away from him. ‘’This doesn’t rule out the serial killer possibility.’’

‘’[Y/N]…are you serious?’’

You pointed a finger at him. ‘’I must investigate first.’’

It was quite hilarious; he has to admit. He wasn’t expecting this reaction at all. He was expecting you to be upset, to cry, to judge him, to criticize him, to tell him that you cannot put your life at risk because of his personal decision of dressing like a bat and going around Gotham and beating the shit out of bad people…

But no. Instead of all of that, you turned into a little investigator. It was actually…cute.

As you walked around the cave, you were fascinated of what you were seeing. Truly amazing. But this little game of yours was fun and you decided to play a little more.

‘’No bodies around this area. No traces of blood…Hmm…You are either clean or a good cleaner. I must investigate a little bit more.’’ You told him as you approached the Batmobile.

‘’The easiest way to transport bodies.’’ You said looking suspicious at him.

At this point he was actually giggling and the stress was almost gone.

‘’Open it.’’ You demanded. ‘’I must search for evidence inside.’’

‘’[Y/N] if you want to sit in the Batmobile you have to just ask.’’ He laughed.

‘’Just open it.’’ You smiled, forgetting about your whole detective persona for a moment.

He did as you asked, and in that moment you wondered ‘’How the hell does this man gets in this thing?’’ You had a small figure, comparing to him, and getting inside the Batmobile revealed to be a struggle.

‘’Can I help you?’’

‘’Yes, please.’’

He giggled and did as he said. This was the most amazing thing you ever saw in your entire life! You felt like a little kid when your mother finally allowed you to get into one of those bumping cars at the carnival.

‘’Mr. Wayne, I came to the conclusion that you are clean. You are not a serial killer; you are just…Batman?’’

And then it hit you. You are dating Batman. Your boyfriend is Batman. The same guy everyone is talking about. The same person that keeps this city as safe as possible. It was him this entire time.

Bruce got into the Batmobile and sat next to you. He took a deep breath, putting his thoughts in order.

‘’This is…quite the secret.’’ You said.

‘’Yeah. I know it’s….a lot. And I understand if you think it’s too much and if it’s something you’re not ready or want to have in your life. The thing is that…I’ve never happy since my parents died. I’ve never felt actually happiness. But then I meet you. And you make me so happy and so loved. That’s why I’m telling you this. I love you and if you decide to stay well…that would be…the most amazing thing. But if all of this is too much…I understand if you want to break up with me.’’

He looked so sincere and hurt it broke your heart. How much suffering has this man endured…All you wanted in that moment was hold him and never let him go.

‘’You’re right. It’s a lot. Was I expecting this? Not really. Am I shocked? Hell yes. I have a lot of feelings right now and I feel like saying extremely stupid and not appropriate jokes to cover my actual emotions but I will try not to do that.’’ You took a deep breath and looked. ‘’It worries me. When you think about Batman you think about crime, bad guys, police, prison…Bad things. I can’t even imagine how many times you were hurt doing this…but I am not willing to let you go. I love you too much to be able to do that. This freaks me out a little bit but I can get used to it. But only with one condition. Actually two.’’

‘’Anything.’’

‘’You have to promise me that no matter what, you will always come back to me.’’

‘’I promise.’’ He bit his lower lip and smiled. ‘’And the second condition?’’

‘’You have to give me a ride in this thing.’’

You were full of surprises, one of his favourite things about you. As a little secret, everything about you was his favourite thing.

‘’Deal.’’

‘’Can we stay here a bit more? And, you know, make out like teenagers?’’

‘’I’d like that.’’

[girderednerve]

i have started getting into sports again, this is terrible. pro ice hockey & basketball have been ruined for me by the leagues' reckless behavior & i refuse to watch college sports on principle, so i have been watching sports documentaries and also european football. my partner & i have decided to like celtic (scottish premier league) and st. pauli (bundesliga 2) in addition to our local nwsl & mls teams, for reasons which are probably transparent.

anyway i started writing this post so i could take notes on the documentaries we've watched, for reference. as a result it is very long 

these are all espn 30 for 30s, because we are suckers & have espn+

1. fab five. this one is listed first even though we watched it years ago because it fucking rules. i like it so much. the only valid college sports documentary? jalen rose is a very good interview & the documentary is appropriately sympathetic to the fab five's experiences of exploitation as college players, without diminishing their agency or cultural impact. black socks on the basketball court! long shorts! good stuff

2. we watched the last dance as it aired so i'm listing it here. everyone was stuck inside and missed sports and so they lost their minds over it. i thought this was kind of a bad documentary, because it was not really about the things that i think are interesting about the 90s bulls and it was just the michael jordan show, both in the sense that it was mostly about him (understandable) and in the sense that they let him set the tone (less so). i appreciated the time it spent looking into what michael jordan's global fame meant more broadly. i love that someone tried to do the same documentary crew thing with the warriors and steve kerr said no, because it looked miserable. let me also take this chance to rec a good book about the building of the united center: dince's bulls markets.

3. oj: made in america. this is another one of their high-rent docuseries, and it was widely lauded for a reason. it's not really a sports documentary, which is part of why it's so good: made in america spends its first episode establishing what oj's fame was like, and then every other episode talking about racial violence, the courts, and how celebrity worked. i do think it got kind of sensationalist about nicole, which is my only real complaint. good documentary. extremely thoughtful & comprehensive. only a little bit of goofy reenactment footage.

4. lance. this one is in two parts, so it's definitely long. it roughly does the rise and then the fall of lance armstrong, but very roughly. i love this documentary because lance armstrong is like, magnetically interesting -- he is obviously a charismatic person who is very good at managing his public image, and it's kind of fascinating to watch him work. i hate him a lot. it's also interesting to see what this documentary declines to push on; he's candid about doping but comprehensively sidesteps the bullying question. i was disappointed that they didn't spend more time on the question of how endemic doping actually was or what kind of pressures were exerted on people to engage in doping. still a good documentary! definitely up there

5. hillsborough. this one was miserable and made me cry multiple times, which is good because the hillsborough tragedy was awful. the willful mishandling & subsequent coverup by police was really upsetting. this documentary was good in the sense that it was very attentive to survivors' and families' experiences, and went long on police failures and malpractice. it was bad in the sense that it had a bunch of goofy reenactment footage, which was good in the moment because otherwise it's pretty unrelenting. i remain astonished that they managed to make a hillsborough documentary without making me listen to you'll never walk alone a single time. very good documentary, only tangentially about sports (approving)

6. broke. total classic. good exploration of athletes' financial situations, & a sharp, deliberate contrast to the racialized narrative that athletes are overpaid and rich for life. watch it

7. year of the scab. i liked this one a lot for the first half or so and then hated it thereafter -- it's about the 1987 nfl strike, which was broken after just a few weeks because of the league's successful use of scab labor. the documentary uses the former name of the washington football team, which is unpleasant; worse, it's very sympathetic to the scabs, whose dashed athletic dreams are supposed to make me think that it's fine they knowingly crossed a picket line. just watch jon bois' take on the strike instead, which is much shorter & also great

8. 9.79* is a good one about doping, this one about track. i watched it some time ago & so no longer retain the details. i think that PEDs in sports are a genuinely interesting point of discussion, & i remember thinking that this was a relatively rare reasonable entry into the debate. plus i just don’t know anything about track so that was interesting

9. you don’t know bo. this one is about bo jackson! i liked it a great deal. it’s very tightly focused on bo jackson as an athlete, and has some fun little graphics to explain just how difficult & impressive some of what he did was. the interview portions with him were painful to watch, though

10. the price of gold. it’s tonya harding, they had to do a tonya harding one. i thought this was pretty fair and was tasteful in dealing with the domestic violence part of the story. it’s been a while, though, and i was unfamiliar with the story before i watched it

11. bad boys. look this made me like isiah thomas but it’s narrated by kid rock. also this is one of the older ones

12. slaying the badger. watched this last night!! it did some annoying stuff with the way they used footage, but overall this documentary was extremely fun and i liked it a lot. justice for greg lemond!! also watching this was literally the only time that i thought cycling was interesting, full credit where it’s due. it’s a great fucking story

13. the day the series stopped. only tangentially about sports: mostly about an earthquake, and it’s pretty harrowing on this front, lots of bits about people trapped in cars

14. rand university. this one is about randy moss, a guy i did not expect to like at all. i felt that the documentary didn’t give enough weight to the serious allegations of domestic violence against randy moss, but it did an excellent job contextualizing him as a sports persona and insistently pointing out how racist the nfl is. overall well-executed

15. i hate christian laettner. this is such goofy nonsense but it has a couple good ideas. i do think it’s interesting to ask what makes sports fans hate an athlete, kind of poke holes in the fandom mentality a little. it has an interesting interview segment with a black gender studies professor, but otherwise it’s unpleasant and it does include an incredibly unpleasant joke about assault via white people rapping about college basketball. not into it overall

16. of miracles and men. soviet perspective on the miracle on ice. super good! i liked it a lot! it does lean into the repressive state angle on the soviet union, but it also emphasizes how part of the reason that the soviet team was so good wasn’t just the intense training regimen but also the fact that they cast their talent net so widely & allowed so many children access to sports. fetisov is in it, and i think tretiak? i forget. i liked it a lot, though! it starts with the inception of the soviet hockey program

17. sole man. this one was great because it’s about how shoe money got so important in basketball, including college ball, and the cultural ramifications of that. it follows one guy who got the ball rolling on that, sonny vaccaro. he has mixed feelings about the outcomes! i remember liking this one a lot, and i think about it every time i see air jordans haha

18. four falls of buffalo & the 85 bears -- listed together because i don’t care about american football -- were both fun. i didn’t know about the superbowl shuffle before and i like it now, the assured arrogance of it was pretty fantastic. four falls was fun because buffalo lost a lot and i thought it was funny. no other comments

19. celtics/lakers. this one is three parts and it is so silly. it’s so silly. they do not spend enough time on bill russell, whom i love so much, and also the celtics part is narrated by mark wahlberg’s stupid son and the lakers part is narrated by ice cube. that’s ridiculous. this is mostly a documentary about the larry bird celtics vs the showtime lakers, and if you want to watch game tape of that interspersed with interviews it’s a good series. i had a good time because i admire magic johnson’s extremely good public manner -- he is such a good interview, it’s an impressive skill -- and because i decided that larry bird looks like the kind of guy who gets way too into grilling, so every time he was onscreen i yelled cheerfully about flipping burgers and buying the fancy mustard

20. kings ransom. the gretzky trade! i don’t remember if i thought this was a good documentary per se but i did think it was an interesting one, and i continue to believe & will maintain that gretzky getting traded to la was one of the best things that could’ve happened to the nhl, and oilers fans can just shut up in general. mostly i just wish that they’d make more hockey documentaries

21. june 17, 1994. this documentary is not good. it is actually very bad. someone was just like, “wow, there was a lot of sports news on june 17, 1994. we should cut together archival footage of that,” so they did. it was boring. arnold palmer was there. the rangers were there. the knicks were there. also, of course, oj simpson white bronco, which overshadowed everything else. best thing about this dumb documentary was that someone was like, “wow, maybe we should just make an oj documentary,” so we got made in america out of it

22. long gone summer. almost forgot this one, even though it’s pretty recent! it’s about the home run competition between sammy sosa & mark mcgwire. does a good job setting the runoff in context, and then looks at the fallout after the steroid reveal. sort of eh honestly but i am 100% convinced that they both oughta be in the hall of fame

23. survive & advance. about the 1983 ncaa men's basketball championship, and jimmy valvano (for whom the v foundation is named). it is fun, makes good use of its footage, and has a profoundly irritating tone — it does essentially everything in its power to rehabilitate college sports, largely sidesteps the ncsu scandals in the later 80s, and generally wallows in nostalgia. however, the 83 championship is, i must concede, a splendid underdog story, and there's also a team reunion that's fun. do not watch this if you've ever had a thought about the term 'student athlete'

24. the announcement. this is about when magic johnson was diagnosed with HIV. it's not a very good documentary, & i don't recommend it — magic himself does a voiceover, which is a bit cheesy, & also establishes the whole frame of the documentary's focus. it doesn't really deal meaningfully with HIV/AIDS stigma or activism; there's one off-handed mention, i think, that AIDS was a 'gay disease,' and then the rest of it is limited to talking about how people didn't want to play with magic. they interview karl malone about it, which is woefully irresponsible in my view. skip it & watch united in anger instead

25. no crossover, the documentary about allen iverson's felony convictions for 'mutilation by mob' for his involvement in a brawl in high school. this documentary is better than its first thirty minutes make it seem — it was directed by a white man from the same town as iverson, and his efforts to acknowledge his perspective sometimes come off poorly, including one sort of awkward exchange where he says the n word and then says he heard it all the time growing up. overall, i think the documentary was evenhanded and sympathetic to iverson, who is a controversial figure. honestly, though, i think the randy moss documentary dealt better with similar themes, and iverson himself is sort of missing (he declined to participate), although i find him easy to like

26. LFG. i like women's sports and i care a lot about labor disputes in sports but unfortunately this documentary is limpid & dull. i like seeing the players but this is very Empowerment(TM), fails comprehensively to contextualize the pay dispute or approach the structure of the contracts under dispute, and, most frustratingly to me, treats a long-shot lawsuit like a highwater mark in women's lib. if you love the USWNT maybe this will be worth your time, but i doubt it—there's basically no content here you couldn't find on pinoe's insta. disappointment

we also watched the high five, which is a short documentary about glenn burke and the high five; i liked it very much, and dusty baker in particular was great in it. good time. i wept. we are all love glenn burke. the other short we watched was from harlem with love, about the harlem globetrotters visiting the soviet union, which was mostly silly but still fun

subject to review is another short we watched. it is about line judging in tennis and video review. it has a high-concept thing going about justice and authority, which its intrusive sound design & footage choices didn't really land. also i think if you are going to show serena williams not getting an obvious call from a line judge you should probably acknowledge some more specific context. just my thoughts. they did put a race horse on a tennis court at dawn for no solid reason, which delighted me. i think ESPN should make more weird concept films about sports. 8/10 but to be clear i hated it