#fear is really useful emotion to utilize

[iwonderwh0]

I have a theory

It was mentioned more than once, that androids in dbh don't feel pain, but somehow every time they're punched or stabbed they react as if it actually hurst: with a gasp, scream or something else, to the point of even killing a human who is "hurting" them. So I have a theory about what causes them to feel "pain" without actually feeling it in a human terms.

Pain for an android is an instant sensation of intense fear and panic that encourages them to get away from whatever causes it in a similar way pain would. So the function of it is the same as pain – to keep them safe. This way, even if it doesn't cause them pain in a physical sense, psychologically it is the same, so it is no wonder that in case someone tries to abuse them repeatedly causing them physical distress, this fear response is miserable enough to actively avoid it and seek whatever it takes to finally make it stop. It also explains the noises they make, if we look at it not as reaction to pain, but to fear.

Psychologically they are still canonically human, so I think if instead of feeling physical pain when hurt we would feel as if we just got scared with some jump-scare it'd still be pretty fucking similar to our usual pain response, in some ways better, but some others even worse.

[bitethedevil]

Raphael and his weaponized mortality

I think it’s pretty clear from that “I am no mortal!” quote that his mortal ancestry isn’t exactly a source of pride for him. However, I still think that he utilizes it to it’s fullest. As I have talked about in an earlier post about the whole problematic situation with Haarlep: Raphael knows how to turn shit into gold. I definitely feel like this “pretending to be mortal”-thing is a big part of his character, the more I think on it. Here’s some of my thoughts:

His smell: Weird to start off with, I know but it’s the thing that actually led me to think on this. I read somewhere that cambions are entirely carnivorous, which means they have a predatory stench to them. This is interesting because Yurgir describes him as a “perfumed trickster”. He covers up the thing that would biologically make a mortal think “danger”.

His questionable poetry: While I do think it’s something he genuinely enjoys; I also think it seems like a bit of an unorthodox interest for a devil (I could be wrong). What is interesting is if you bring Karlach to the entrance to the mausoleum, she comments on his poetry and he answers something along the lines of “I’ll admit, it’s not my main interest…not by any stretch”. Poetry is something that speaks to our feelings, so it’s not weird that a devil whose emotional life is a bit different from that of a mortal, would be ‘bad’ at it. Even though the poetry that Raphael recites usually leans towards the macabre, it still sort of humanizes him that he would have an interest in such things. It is also an attempt to speak directly to our feelings (fear often in his case). The way that he says it’s not his main interest also points to the fact that he literally uses it as a tool. I think it’s the same with his theatrical nature: it’s simply him playing a human. I really do wonder how he would interact with another devil if there was no one else in the room.

His ’angelic’ complexion: In Last Light Inn, if you reveal that he is a devil to Mol, he says something along the lines of “She’d never take your word for it…not with my angelic complexion”. I could be wrong, but I’ve also read a few places that when the Flymms (Gortash’s parents) signed over Gortash, it was to a warlock. Some places I’ve read that it was a warlock OF Raphael’s, others say that the warlock WAS Raphael. This makes me wonder: How often does he show his true nature to clients before they’ve already signed, like he did with us? Or at the very least, he waits to reveal his nature until the person can’t run or are out of options. It’s then interesting to think about how transparent he is about his nature to us in comparison right from the get-go. I believe this is because he truly believes that we need the hammer, and thus there’s not as much of a reason to pretend.

I just think it’s interesting and I think it is probably the most terrifying thing about him. It puts the “I am no mortal” quote into another perspective for me. It’s who he is beneath it all that peeks through for a moment. It must also be infuriating to him that the very source of his success is due to how good he is at playing into his mortal side. It also begs the question of how much of all of this pretending has bled into his life over the years, because we see that he still talks sort of poetically (and even almost emotionally) in his private diaries. His allegiance is to the devil side of himself, but I really do wonder how much he has to suppress small aspects of the mortal side.

[ramjam]

Hi... long time no NnT-Analysis.

I want to talk about Lancelot and Tristan's dynamic. I'll be putting it under a read-more so I don't spam your dashboard.

First, let's take a look at their designs.

Tristan's Signature Color: Blue-ish Teal

Lancelot's Signature Color: Pink-ish Red

According to color theory, these two colors complement one another. Nakaba utilizes complementary colors quite often in his designs. You'll notice this in many of the most important pairs. It's a visual way to emphasize the connection between two people.

The use of complementary colors goes as far as Lancelot's Sin disguise. When he takes that form, he wears a teal collar... Just like how Tristan wears a collar with Lancelot's red.

Both of them also got their hair colors from their mother, while the style is more similar to their fathers. They have what has been described as a "feminine" appearance. Lancelot is incredibly bothered by this, to the extent he tries really hard to present as masculine. Tristan on the other hand doesn't seem to be bothered by it himself.

Their first volume covers also mirror one another.

Their namesakes are pulled from Arthurian mythos. In some of the original stories, Lancelot and Tristan do act similarly as friends who are "two sides of the same coin" in a way. Fated companions who counter one another.

Going into actual plot stuff now. The way their stories are intertwined, the particular tropes their relationship embodies, and why it's important.

The growth of both of their characters is often explored through their connection. For example, Lancelot first learned to read hearts while dueling Tristan.

Ban references the moment Lancelot received his scar here. Tristan was so excited while dueling his friend, that he lost control of himself. The heightened emotions awakened the dark magic in him that he inherited from his father. Tristan blacked out, striking Lancelot.

This was a significant moment for both of them. Tristan and Lancelot both experienced an "awakening" here, which set them down their respective paths and cemented their bond.

Lancelot is quite literally marked by him. With this scar, there will always be apart of him that is irreversible tied to his relationship with Tristan.

Additionally, the fact Tristan had hurt and permanently scarred Lancelot is what triggered Tristan's anxiety about fighting. It affected him so deeply that he began to fear combat, instead wanting to pursue a path of healing. So that it would never happen again.

The bulk of this film takes place when they're both 14. Which is a few years after Lancelot initially went missing. He felt the need to hide his identity, but even in his disguise, he wanted to somehow push Tristan to his peak performance.

This illustrates how Lancelot never once viewed him as a threat. Tristan isn't a monster to him... He wants to see him exercise the strength that Tristan is so terrified of.

(I wish this site had CC, but Lancelot wolf-whistles at him before this line...)

Lancelot knows Tristan well enough to be aware that these fears would hold him back in combat. He takes action when they fight together, pushing and prodding him until he is forced to conquer that fear and act.

Tristan's hesitancy comes from his care for Lancelot. He's terrified at the thought of ever hurting him-- or anyone-- again. Lancelot sees this differently. He views Tristan's attitude as if he's viewing Lancelot as someone weak who needs protection. He has faith in Tristan's strength and never doubts him. But that faith only makes things more complicated when Tristan avoids facing him. Lancelot knows he's capable and he wants to be his equal in that regard.

Earlier, I referenced Ban's comment in the one-shot where he wonders if Lancelot's behavior at that time had to do with this duel. There's an implication that part of why Lancelot felt so restless and inadequate had to do with Tristan's rejection. This was worsened by the fact that Lancelot had learned to read hearts, so he could see what Tristan must've been thinking in that moment. Tristan's concern doesn't come from viewing Lancelot as weak, but that's how Lancelot interpreted his heart and his words.

Between that and being babied by his parents, he lashed out and ran away to "prove himself." Which is how he went missing to begin with.

He didn't want to stop like Tristan did. He wanted to keep going. Tristan's strength motivated him, but Tristan didn't return those feelings because of his own self-loathing.

In the end, Lancelot is the one who convinces Tristan to embrace his power. He vowed to be there to stop Tristan in case things ever go too far.

Lancelot reads Tristan's heart in this moment and smiles to himself.

Lancelot's love for his friend manifests through his desire to propel Tristan to his peak potential. Through Lancelot's affection, Tristan changes forever. His pure faith in Lancelot and his intentions was all he needed to conquer his fears. To him, he doesn't need to be worried about losing himself, because he has Lancelot.

Many years pass since this moment, but Tristan still views Lancelot as that anchor he needs by his side. Tristan's control over his power has grown significantly, but he still fears using it without Lancelot by his side.

Something interesting about their dynamic in the present day is the way the dynamic has flipped. While Tristan respects Lancelot's power, now he is the one feeling weak in comparison. This is also a testament to the strength of their bond. While Tristan feels they're no longer "equal", it doesn't drive a wedge in their relationship. He isn't resentful or jealous, it doesn't push him away from Lancelot. Their bond is too strong for that.

Not to mention, what seems to bother him more than anything else is the fact that Lancelot won't discuss how he gained this new power. He's bothered by the way his friend vanished without a word for so long, and now refuses to talk about what happened.

Regardless, this just means that Tristan trusts Lancelot's abilities without question. The moment he arrives, Tristan believes so strongly in his ability to win above anyone else. If anyone can defeat the King of Camelot, it will be his closest companion.

Circling back to Lancelot being his anchor: This is pretty common in fantasy Shounen. Leading characters who possess dark magic often have a partner who they rely on to bring them back down, or stop them from going too far and losing themself. However, you usually see it between the leading male main character and the female secondary protagonist... In fact, this is the exact dynamic Meliodas and Elizabeth had with each other in the original manga.

This dynamic came up frequently whenever Meliodas went full-demon mode. But this page from the Holy War arc in particular really reminds me of Lancelot's line where he says he'll "beat Tristan into the dirt if he has to."

Considering these two are Tristan's parents, you'd think the parallel with Tristan would be between him and Isolde, or something. But it's not. It's with Lancelot.

Their chemistry is so natural. They spend some time apart, but nothing really changes. The play off of each other so easily and understand each other so deeply.

Lancelot teases him for a lot of things. Being air-headed, being childish around his parents, etc. But it isn't mean-spirited, and Tristan knows that. It's just an aspect of their relationship and one of the ways Lancelot shows affection to people. That's Tristan's best friend who is mean to him, but he still calls him by a cute little nickname ("Lance.")

The implications that Tristan has called Lancelot out for being like his father before is really funny. Quick lines like this convey a lot about a relationship, it demonstrates that familiarity.

I have a lot more I could say about them, but Tumblr apparently has a 30 image limit per-post. I'm just really excited to see what comes next for them in the timeskip. I suspect all of these building themes are going to come together in some pretty important ways the closer that we get to the main conflict of the sequel.

This analysis isn't necessarily meant to be shippy... But I do ship them, lol... ❤️

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I was talking to a client today about "how to identify masking" as part of the process of learning how to shift masking from a reflexive coping strategy to a voluntary and conscious one and I feel like it led to a really important shift in framework FOR ME about masking and social distress.

Paraphrasing, the ideas we came to are as follows:

One of the reasons masking can be so difficult to recognize is because, essentially, masking is the act of performing "yourself" as a mirror for the other person you are interacting with. It's this idea of "I will micro-manage my own mood, affect, behavior, mannerisms, and environment in order to reflect back to you whatever version of "self" you need from me because if I don't there will be consequences". So because masking is essentially performing "mirroring" as selfhood by amplifying or minimizing aspects of yourself based on what you think the other person wants to see in you, it varies significantly from one context to another. The major commonality is that it takes up an INCREDIBLE amount of energy, mental and emotional resources, cognitive processing power, etc. So you don't identify masking by specific behaviors so much as by the feeling of "having a significant amount of your mental/emotional resources be occupied by the act of social interaction" to the point that it doesn't leave enough left-over for other cognitive tasks, or leaves you feeling exhausted and worn out, or basically by the impact that masking has on you during and after.

In this framework, part of why we get so anxious about new or unfamiliar people or situations is because we don't know how to mask in that context yet, and so until we get there and figure it out, we're basically just terrified of what could go wrong since we don't know what we're walking into.*

*This is the underlying framework of anticipatory and obsessive anxiety as well. Anticipatory and obsessive anxiety functions as the mechanism by which we conduct both predictive reasoning-basd advance planning and review/self-correctionof our mental predictive model.

Autistic aversion to uncertainty has a lot to do with our need to be able to use predictive reasoning-based advance planning to cope with "social deficits" aka how much harder it is for us to interpret subtextual/nonverbal cues, learn/meet social expectations, and work through/around disordered sensory processing. That predictive reasoning requires us to be familiar, in advance, with the stable constant factors that influence decision making in social contexts. If we aren't familiar with the constant variables than we can't plan, if we can't plan than we are more likely to make noticeable social mis-steps, and if we take notable social mis-steps there are consequences. It becomes necessary for us to be hypervigilent to observable patterns in other people's behavior in order to try to reverse engineer the social interaction playbook on the fly. That ends up making us more likely to assume personal responsibility for predicting and managing the emotional regulatory needs of people around us at all costs, replicating the behavioral/cognitive impacts of chronic traumatic stress due to the activation of our sympathetic nervous system from chronic hypervigilence.

Essentially, masking is a cognitive defense mechanism to severe and/or persistant traumatic interpersonal stressors. As the neurological impacts of chronic traumatic stress heal, we mask less frequently. But in order to heal from chronic traumatic stress, the human brain requires a safe environment that does not trigger a retraumatization episode or replicate feelings of helplessness/fear for safety. In other words, reducing/terminating masking safely requires us as autistic people to have consistent access to social environments in which we are able to utilize autistic interpersonal boundaries without fear of consequence or chonically unmet need. This requires the people around us to be able to respect not only autistic interpersonal boundaries, but also autistic self-expression/advocacy modalities and mediums.

I feel like a lot of the pieces of this framework have been rattling around in my head for a while but the flavor of words hit just right today and all the connections snapped into place.

Anyway, I'm still sort of sorting through the clinical implications of this framework but I think it's a direction I want to keep exploring for sure.

[ancientbygone]

simulacra 3 [take me back to eden]

[sundowning]

Sleep's mimic forms of the vessels during the time period of TMBTE, because i can't be normal and start a series from the beginning and not the end.

more info + design breakdowns under the cut:

[obligatory "when talking about the vessels, i'm talking about characters" disclaimer]

background info on the whole idea:

Sleep as a being is shapeless in my mind; more of a concept than a creature. it can manifest as sort of an absence of light in any shape to others, usually to appeal to feeling/emotion. the only "rule" for that is that whatever Sleep tries to appear as cannot look more or less innocent/powerful than Sleep actually is, which usually manifests in two things: the size being different from the thing/person it's imitating, scaled according to power, and/or added features, usually in some way threatening or regal.

one of Sleep's more consistent forms it takes throughout interacting with Vessel is mimicking him, partially to create an illusion of the two being more similar than they actually are and partially because Sleep used to exist as Vessel's shadow when they'd just met. the visual itself has changed through time (you can see what it was like during Sundowning in my Higher artwork), and during TMBTE that visual is pretty much the titular song's character with the most minor tweaks (which is why i didn't draw it separately).

all that made me think about the idea of Sleep mimicking the other vessels just to fuck with Vessel further (to be clear, i am a strong believer that Sleep only interacts with Vessel in any way). so now here are the designs of those mimics during the events of TMBTE, utilizing the album's song characters much like the Vessel mimic. because again, i have to start a series from the end, i guess.

"ii"/ii mimic (song character used: AYROK)

the main idea driving the design of "ii" is the real ii's goal to keep Vessel more or less safe by being by his side in worshipping Sleep, which is the reason he'd decided to become the second vessel in the first place. the choice of AYROK as the character to use in this design is obvious. one of the ideas that stem from that is ii's duty/desire to keep his face hidden for Vessel's sake; only his hands are visible & detailed because that's the only part of him Vessel remembers before either of them became vessels of Sleep and the only part ii has really shown after that. another is ii's timidity in telling Vessel to go against Sleep's will because he fears that no matter how bad it may be, it'll be much worse if Vessel doesn't follow it. that part comes through in the pose - shyly holding his hands together as if they're tied.

"iii"/iii mimic (song character used: Aqua Regia)

the song character inspo being Aqua Regia is mostly because of the calmer nature of the song and the dynamic duo it makes with Vore, less so the themes of the lyrics. also its visual design. iii mimic's design themes are iii's adoration/borderline obsession with Vessel (wearing Vessel's jewelry and having elements of his robe in his shirt + his own face/mask slowly melting off) and his enagement with worship as an act/aesthetic rather than something more serious (the overabundance of jewelry and accessories; the extra arms; the body language; the cuffs around his arms and legs being decorative and not actually restricting). also the rings on his fingers make a checkered pattern.

"iv"/iv mimic (song character used: Vore)

the use of Vore for "iv" is obvious too. song wouldn't be the same without his real life self. the design really just aims to combine iv with the Vore character, but there are two big things here. the simplest one is anger issues, which is why he's So Goddamn Spiky and why his jacket looks like scarred skin rather than painted & customized. the anger mostly shows up in the body language: most of the time "iv" just stares unblinkingly with pure palpable ire in the two glowing dots for eyes, and when he does move it's very stiff and snappy and barely controlled. the other thing is that, simply speaking, the real iv got into this whole mess without knowing the full extent of it and now he's in too deep and kinda losing himself. in the design it's expressed through the human features gradually turning into bug-like, such as the hoodie fading into a segmented millipede-like body and the fucked up mantis hands, and the gold of the original iv's mask melting over the face with the horns being part of it. the spikes protrude from him in a way that makes it difficult to distinguish between jacket decorations and actual parts of his body, but the spines are definitely from his body & allow me to live the dream of iv with a mohawk LMAO

anyway have fun with these go nuts i'll make similar sheets & posts for Sundowning and TPWBYT eventually

[bitchesgate3]

Disclaimer: I have not romanced Minthara nor have I fully played the Dark Urge.

One thing I've experienced whilst having Minthara in my party since Moonrise is that there feels like there are narratively TWO Mintharas. And the Durge break up makes sense for one and not the other.

This 1st Minthara: Upon rescuing Minthara, all your initial conversations are deeply emotional. And later ones at camp are so deeply insightful that her maturity and experience compared to the other companions really stands out.

She understands the plots going on and the subterfuge and conspiracy. She reflects on her experiences with the Absolute, her understanding of the Chosen 3, her gratitude about being saved by Tav, her time under Orin's thrall, and gives us glimpses into the emotions that run through all these experiences.

How does a merciless woman grapple with being shown mercy? Her specifically. Not Dror Ragzlin. Not Priestess Gut. But her - singled out - for mercy?

This Minthara feels like she makes sense of these experiences for herself, to find a life to carve out on her own - integrated with her indomitable spirit. She is a dynamic and nuanced character and makes her a must-have companion for me on ANY playthrough.

However, another Minthara exists.

Minthara is most likely intended to be Chaotic Evil. She comes across as Lawful at times, but I think she was de facto made to be compatible with any type of evil, hence she must be chaotic. As opposed to Lae'zel who with Lawful Evil and disapproves if you are dishonorable in some way.

Astarion in EA was more overtly Chaotic Evil leaning Neutral Evil, and probably more conventionally chaotic because some of what he approved of felt like evil for shits and giggles. Following his whims and entertainment.

Minthara on the other hand is certainly calculated by comparison. She understands that seeding disorder is a way to destabilize an existing power in order to obtain it for one's self. This knowledge of undermining pairs extremely well with the overarching mindflayer plot. So while she may inevitably seek more secure power for herself, her ambient dialogue options encourage chaotic evil in this way.

And that's where this 2nd Minthara character comes in. She is the only companion that consistently disapproves of every "good" aligned decision the other companions make. She encourages you to make deals with Gortash and the Emperor (THE master manipulators), and has all these big plans for world domination right out the gate that she sort of assumes you're on board with.

The most egregious thing for me is that she grants approval for the silliest evil actions in the game.

It's clear to me that being opportunistically evil, selfish, and self-serving makes sense for a character like Minthara who utilizes chaos and fear for her own goals, but I find that because she is the only character who could possibly align that way, Larian gives her EVERY possible [calculated] chaotic evil approval that comes up.

So this 2nd Minthara ends up saying the most contrived, cartoonishly evil dialogue responses that really breaks immersion because it feels as if she's only saying that because she's the only companion who can.

That being said, I don't mind this "2nd Minthara"/Chaotic Evil Minthara existing and actually being a part of her character (because clearly this is intended and part of the authors' vision), but when the 1st Minthara seems to hint at possessing divergent thought while this 2nd Minthara seems stuck in her ways, I can't merge the two entities as the same one.

I actually think the game needs to add flags similar to Gale and the Crown where the more you agree with Minthara on her disapproving of the companions defying their dominators/approving when they align with them, only then you will get the Durge break up if you defy yours.

Just adding those flags - not even adding new content - would be an easy fix and I think would help justify why these two Minthara's even exist.

[very-normal-abt-this]

I forgive you = I don't forgive myself. I am acting angry at you = I am feeling angry at myself. I am rejecting you = I am rejecting myself.

 Here is a little psychological analysis of the worst sentence ever uttered in the history of everything. I've decided that Aziraphale is utilizing a subconscious psychological defense strategy called "projection" (I'm a professional psychologist, so I can use the lingo :P)

We all use this at certain times in our lives. What happens is, when we feel that our behaviors, feelings, or thoughts are unacceptable; When they go against some of our values and create an internal value conflict - we feel shame, anger, fear, confusion. Feeling this way about ourselves is extremely uncomfortable, so sometimes, instead of acknowledging those feelings ("Wow I am feeling really angry at myself right now"), people will *Project* those feelings onto the person who is involved in the situation that is causing us to feel that value conflict. And, we are more likely to use this defense strategy when our emotional resources have been depleted. When we don't have the emotional energy to recognize and cope with painful feelings that we are feeling. Sometimes its just easier to be angry at someone else, instead of being angry at ourselves, you know?

Now, lets look at how this concept applies to Aziraphale's reaction to *The Kiss.* We know that his emotional resources have certainly been depleted by all of the emotional events that just occurred in the span of a day: planning and executing the ball, building up the courage to ask Crowley to dance, actually dancing with Crowley in front of everyone, realizing that he put his guests in serious danger when demons show up, fighting for his life, seeing Jimbriel and Beelz get their happy ending and realizing that it is possible,  seeing Metatron come down from Heaven, and finally being offered an insane opportunity for himself and for Crowley. Wow, that is.... A LOT, don't you agree?  So, by the time Aziraphale is having the "final 15" conversation with Crowley - he can no longer effectively process unexpected and complex thoughts and emotions.

Uuuuunfortunately, that is exactly what he gets during the conversation with Crowley. First, Crowley has an unexpected and complex reaction to the offer of being together as angels (unexpected to emotionally unhinged Aziraphale, not to us of course). Then, Crowley proceeds to drops an emotional bombshell by doing something that has never been done before - openly discussing the nature of their relationship and his feeling about Aziraphale. After that, Aziraphale himself chooses to show the most vulnerability and honesty about his feelings that he has ever shown (i.e. "I need you!"). And what is the final cherry on top of this "emotional tsunami" pie? The straw that completely breaks the camel's back? (aka temporarily breaks his friggin mind) ***THE KISS.***

As an aside, I am not AT ALL saying that Crowley was wrong for anything that he did or said in the final 15. I believe he was right to say and do all of it. I am simply breaking down the factors that were present in the context of that conversation. And one of the factors is -- the timing of it all was just horrendous. It was horrendous, because both of them had very depleted emotional resources at that moment in time. Aziraphale was basically primed to become completely overwhelmed and confused by all the new and complicated emotions/ideas that he was required to process. On top of it, he was required to process them in a very short amount of time, with damn Dickatron putting pressure on him to make a decision ASAP.

Okay, so what do humans do when we are completely overwhelmed by thoughts and emotions? Sometimes what happens is - we REVERT to the familiar. We REGRESS to things that are the most automatic and easiest to understand. We revert to thoughts and behaviors that have been the most practice, even if they are not effective and not relevant to the situation at hand (which we don't recognize until later, when we are out of that "fight of flight" state). 

Back to Aziraphale. He is experiencing an insane amount of emotions during and after the kiss. He is trying to process his emotions and the implications of the kiss; and he is also trying to make a super hard decision, all at the same time. What he should have done is say to Crowley - "wow this is a lot for me to process right now and I'm completely overwhelmed. Can I please have 15 minutes to myself so I can re regulate my nervous system, and then we will keep talking?"

Unfortunately, when we're overwhelmed by emotions - its really hard to see the different options available to us. We go into a sort of "tunnel vision" and revert to our internalized and automatic beliefs and behaviors. For Aziraphale, that means - regressing to the old beliefs that Heaven has programmed into him. Maybe beliefs like: acting on carnal desires is wrong (look at what happened to adam and eve); good angels don't engage in physical intimacy and they certainly don't crave it or enjoy it; it's selfish to consider choosing your personal happiness and your personal desires over an opportunity to help others/help the world.   If those are some of his old values - Aziraphale has just acted against all of them!

When we act against our old values (even when we know that those values are no longer working for us, and we are actively working on changing them) - we still feel ashamed, guilty, and angry at ourselves. This is especially likely to happen in times of great stress and emotional overwhelm. So, now we get to the equation from the top. Aziraphale is feeling ashamed of himself, angry at himself, and guilty for his thoughts and feelings (i.e. for liking/wanting the kiss, for loving Crowley, for wanting to be with Crowley more than he wants to "help the world").

He is feeling that he needs to be forgiven for the way he feels, and for the way he is. However, due to his temporarily deficient emotional resources  -  Aziraphale is not able to accurately attribute the feelings he is experiencing (anger, shame, guilt, desire for forgiveness) to the correct source. He mistakenly decides that he must be feeling those feelings towards Crowley (not toward himself), and he must be feeling them because of what Crowley did (Kiss him), not because of what Aziraphale did (enjoy and reciprocate the kiss). And Viola, the process of Projection is now complete.

He says: "I forgive you" to Crowley, but Aziraphale is the one who wants his own forgiveness. Which, unfortunately, he does not get. At least not yet. (Yay for religious trauma).

In conclusion, the sad thing about bad timing and projection is: now Crowley is worried that Aziraphale sees him as sinful and unacceptable, as someone who needs forgiveness. But the truth is, Aziraphale is the one who still struggles with seeing himself as sinful and unacceptable, and as someone who needs forgiveness for his urges, desires, and feelings.

But, the good news is - Aziraphale does not always see himself in that way. We know that he has been putting a lot of work into breaking away from heaven's toxic values, and into developing his own values (e.g. "our side"). Like I said above, old habits die hard, they are more likely to surface during times of stress, and all that is a normal part of the process of psychological change.

I am very confident that once Aziraphale has a hot minute to himself, once he has time to calmly process everything that's happened - he will see some things differently. And he will eventually be doing the Apology Dance for "using projection as a deadly weapon. " :)

[exsanguidus]

Controversial opinion; I think Ascended Astarion is the true Astarion. In DnD lore, vampirism amplifies a person's traits for whoever they are at the time they become a true vampire. A Paladin wanting to save people will end up ruling a city with an iron fist to keep people safe. A mage wanting to heal those they love will hurt everyone else to heal them. Astarion was on a journey with Tav - one from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy. I think Ascended Astarion is cannon Astarion. He will always be a vampire, and vampires in DnD are always the amplification of a true self. Without ascention, he is still malleable - but I don't think its what he wants. He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is.

I'm going to start this with a disclaimer:

I work in the mental health field professionally and majored in Social & Behavioral Science, which is partly why I felt drawn to Astarion as a sort of case study. Characters rooted in trauma are interesting to me and I enjoy picking them apart to judge how real it feels. I utilize my educational and professional background to essentially guide how I write Astarion on this account.

That said, despite me being a professional in the field, all of what I have to say is my personal opinion and interpretation of Astarion's character based on how I interpret the material Larian gave us and the material that can be found in DND lore. Even in real life, things have variation and not all mental health struggles (getting over trauma is part of mental health) present the exact same way. There are theories that exist to try and explain some trends in mental health studies, psychology, and sociology, but again they're called theories for a reason.

Now, my response to this question will be under the cut and will include spoilers.

I know what lore in particular you're referencing, anon, because I've been going back to it a lot ever since I opened this account.

Astarion very much has an insecure attachment style born from his abuse at Cazador's hands. Specifically, an anxious-avoidant attachment type that leans more towards avoidant when he's first met and then begins to swing more towards anxious as he begins to get closer to Tav and the other companions.

Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships. Anxious-avoidants are low in confidence and less likely to express emotions, preferring to suppress them. However, they can have intense emotional outbursts when under stress. They also don’t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others. This sucks because they are also incapable of sorting through their own issues. Anxious-avoidants really get the worst of both worlds. They avoid intimacy not because they prefer to be alone like avoidants. Rather, they avoid intimacy because they are so terrified of its potential to hurt them (Mark Manson, Attachment Styles and How They Affect Your Relationships).

Typically, most studies of Attachment Theory focus on the relationship of parents-children or romantic partners, but it can also be applied to any significant relationship someone has in their lifetime. Attachment styles thus are capable of changing based on new relationship experiences.

If you end up giving him the "good" ending where he denies the Ascension, it's implied in his final dialogue that he's actively working towards having a secure attachment type due to the influences of his fellow worm-afflicted associates - particularly Tav.

I think that it's important to also note that, even if Tav doesn't romantically connect with Astarion, he shows hints of desperately wanting someone to care for him, support him, and love him. He does want to know what sex would be like as something other than a tool, and especially what it would be like to actually want to have it just for the pure sake of enjoying having it.

You have to understand that Astarion doesn't even understand the concept of casual sex or friends with benefits. All those times he had to seduce people for Cazador was not casual sex or a friends with benefits situation. All of them were transactions with a means to an end. He got nothing out of seducing those victims besides the possibility of not incurring Cazador's wrath that night - but even then, there was still a possibility because Cazador was an abuser.

Abusers are incapable of providing genuine safety, but can manipulate their victims into believing an illusion of safety. Often times, they manipulate their victims into this by using phrases like "you made me do this by being disobedient", "it wouldn't come to this if you just did what you were told", and then weaponizing basic needs such as shelter, food, and social interaction. The bare minimum becomes something the victim is expected to be grateful for and viewed as a favor, which means anything beyond the bare minimum is expected to be viewed as a theatrical showing of care and love.

In game, Tav has the chance to hear Astarion tell the story of how Cazador turned him. He basically states that he got attacked by a mob due to a ruling he handed down when he was magistrate and then Cazador saved him and offered him immortality. It can be inferred that in his pre-vampiric days, Astarion had no idea that Cazador was abusive to his spawn.

This is likely because it seems that Cazador is careful about his public image. He doesn't allow his spawn to drink from humans, very likely not just as a means to further oppress them and dampen their potential power they could get from drinking people's blood, but also as a way to ensure there's not just a bunch of people out in the city being bitten and left alive to tell the story - or left dead on the street suspiciously.

He has his spawn seduce and lure people, particularly lower class people that would be harder for general society to realize is missing or just that he knows people who could actually challenge him wouldn't care for (you learn that reading some of the books and notes in Szarr Palace). The only exception to this is the kidnapping of Gur children, but even then it seems to fit his MO as it seems Gur are considered somewhat outcasts from the rest of Baldurian society due to their cultural differences.

It should also be noted that he himself doesn't do these seductions or kidnappings. He specifically chooses spawn to be his lackeys and that's likely so, if shit hits the fan and the spawn gets caught, he has deniability since he wasn't there. It's methodical and thought out to keep as many eyes away from him so he can still obtain what he wants and keep sailing under the radar.

Cazador is this methodical and purposeful as a result of his own trauma, which we learn about from the skull of his master in the dungeon of Szaar Palace. There's one interaction in particular with the skull in which Tav can learn that, at one point, Cazador attempted to rebel and usurp his master. Cazador failed and his master punished him via impalement. Not because Cazador had the audacity to try and usurp him, but because Cazador tried and failed. Cazador's master punished Cazador via torture because his master was disgusted by the fact that his spawn was too weak to succeed in such a plot.

Which brings me to my next point... it's not uncommon for victims of abuse to later become abusers. Hence the term Cycle of Abuse exists. Many abusers who were once victims often have the mentality of either "I'm not nearly as bad as my abuser was, they should be grateful I care enough to not be so bad" or "I survived and it made me tougher, they need to suck it up and let it help them build character" or both. They often fail to view their abuse as abuse and fail to recognize how their experience as abuse victims contributes into making them toxic and abusive to others.

There's many peer-reviewed scholarly articles you can find about the cycle of abuse, but one I particularly find useful is Editorial: Dissociation, and cycles of abuse across generations by David P.H. Jones. It talks specifically about parents and children, but I believe some of the general points made can be applied to Cazador and his spawn, as he crafts a very family-like setting that can be seen in the way that his spawn refer to one another as brothers and sisters.

This would thus make him the father figure, a role exponentially made important by the fact he denies his spawn education on things that could serve to give them ideas or the ability to leave him (for example, Astarion mentions that none of the spawn were permitted to learn about the language of the various symbols around the palace) and he consistently chooses his Golden Children (Favored Spawns) as a means of providing more false security. Do what he says, when he says, exactly how he says and don't complain then you will have benefits. You will be Favored, and to have his favor is the highest honor you could achieve.

Torture is clearly presented as Cazador's primary go-to for discipline. Research has also concluded that trauma has a way of affecting the brain and memories.

Trauma can prevent information (like words, images, sounds, etc.) from different parts of the brain from combining to make a semantic memory. The temporal lobe and inferior parietal cortex collect information from different brain areas to create semantic memory (The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine).

Astarion mentions a few times in-game that he can barely remember his life before Cazador, if at all, and a huge part of that is likely because of all the trauma Cazador inflicted upon him that exacerbated the natural occurrence of memory loss from aging (if vampires experience natural memory loss from aging, that is). This is most likely true for all of Cazador's spawn.

I say all this as a set up to truly answering you, anon, specifically where you say: "from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy."

I can argue that Astarion did not feel free up until after a decision to Ascend or not was made. And I argue that stance due to some dialogue he can have with Tav here he basically states that the power Ascension could guarantee that no one, even someone after Cazador is dead, could ever come in to oppress and hurt him again. Even with Cazador dead, he has such an intense fear of being enslaved and used that he turns to catastrophic thoughts as justification to why he needs to Ascend.

Catastrophic thinking is a cognitive distortion that occurs when people have a hard time weighing the likelihood of certain outcomes and believe that terrible or catastrophic outcomes—which are highly unlikely—become, in one’s mind, salient and extremely likely. (Tom Zaubler, MD, MPH).

Aside from the Gur, whom Astarion can manage to evade and even kill perfectly fine as just a spawn, we're not presented with any hints of another big bad in the vampire world that could possibly want Astarion. As such, there's not really any tangible threat, but rather a perceived threat that he believes is destined to darken his doorstep at any time.

His catastrophic thinking is a trauma response. His belief that he needs to be the most powerful being in the room as a way to be truly free is a trauma response. Cazador broke him down emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually to make him believe that he was weak and trapped. Furthermore, that he remained trapped because he was too weak to do anything about it.

You see how this goes full circle into how Cazador's master punished Cazador for not being able to successfully usurp him? It places blame on the victim, allowing shame and helplessness to root that the abuser can manipulate. We know that Astarion definitely feels shame because he tells Tav that. For most of his dialogue until the boss fight, he's constantly bringing up that he did what Cazador wanted and acted obedient because he had no choice.

This is true, he had to act in self-preservation to survive and unfortunately that meant he had to be subservient. A few dialogue choices you can have your Tav pick can challenge Astarion and say he could have still tried, to which he'll rightfully tell Tav that Tav has no right to judge him for the choices he made to survive.

When Astarion encounters Sebastian in the dungeon, its made pretty obvious how much guilt and shame he truly feels. Furthermore, that for all Astarion's protesting and exclaiming that no one has the right to judge him, a part of him did believe that he didn't do enough to try and escape enslavement. A part of himself blamed himself and believed he allowed himself to be abused when, in reality, he was put in a horrible situation with very limited options. He did the best he could in the moment, with what information he had in those moments.

I also want to argue that who Astarion is when we meet him isn't his true self. It's who he had to become in order to survive Cazador. Astarion doesn't even know who his true self is because he didn't have the opportunity to explore his own likes and preferences. Cazador molded all of his spawn because he had a specific purpose for them.

Not only that, but since Cazador would have to more directly deal with these spawn since he used them as lackies, he also would have molded them to behave in ways to his preference so that he wouldn't find their presence unbearable and feel inclined to murder them out of annoyance. This is also where the Favored Spawn being separated and set on a pedestal comes into play. Those who could please him and play to his wants and needs had better benefits. If all of the spawn are acting in self-preservation, they would want to be favored and thus would want to adapt themselves to things Cazador liked and approved of.

This would mean learning to be cruel to those less fortunate and not doing anything as charity. This is the reason why Astarion approves of some questionable decisions Tav can make. Astarion learned his ideals and morality from Cazador because he had to so he could know how to please Cazador and stay in his master's good graces. After a while, even if you started off disagreeing, forcing yourself to act a certain way can become a habit that sticks with you. You convince yourself to enjoy it too so it's easier to swallow.

Astarion craves power because he knows that power is the quickest, easiest, and - what he believes - most effective way to prevent him from having to use that method ever again. It's logical to want power to solve that.

You said in your ask: "He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is."

In the most literal of terms, yes, Ascension gives him all of those. However, since the basis of him believing he needs power to be free is rooted in fear, that's not actually really freedom. That is still his fear ruling over him.

There's a stark difference in what someone wants versus what they need. He wants power, to be seen, to be loved, and to be free. What he actually needs is security, stability, support, consistency, empathy, and autonomy. The things he wants is what he believes will solve the empty cups of what he needs, and he believes that because the only example he had on how to act to get what you want - until the events of the game - was Cazador. He literally had no other example of how to get your needs met except through selfishness, cruelty, force, manipulation, and abuse.

Again, I reiterate. The Astarion we first meet is not Astarion's true nature. Astarion's true nature was corrupted by his abuse from Cazador and the subsequent trauma that followed. If it had been his true nature, he would have happily been Cazador's subject because their true natures would have been in alignment.

It only becomes his true nature if he allows that trauma to define him and decides that he needs to embrace it rather than fight it. That is then what gets amplified because that fear that roots those wants becomes amplified.

Honestly, it's impossible to say what would be canon for Astarion because there's too many factors.

Studies have shown that having more supportive and positive influences, even if its later in life after leaving the abuser, tends to work in favor of the victim breaking the cycle of abuse. As such, I think that if you make a Tav who's core values are autonomy, consent, second chances, and redemption and somehow manage to get high enough approval that he'd even consider caring what they think; then its more likely that Astarion would reject Ascension due to observing how much softer, kinder, patient, and merciful Tav is.

But if its a Tav that has no interest in getting to know him beyond the surface or Tav doesn't exist at all, I honestly think he would end up going through with Ascension. Mostly because, to me, it seems like he didn't really bother to have more than surface level interactions with the other companions and the other companions really only ended up getting to know him better as a result to Tav managing to get past his masking. He does not lower his mask on his own accord, only after certain things are done and said by Tav.

Unfortunately, I just don't really think any of the other companions you can pick up in-game would really be able to provide support and determined consistency in the same way that players can make Tav. Hence I don't think he'd end up caring enough about any of them to ever start to think that perhaps freedom can be defined differently than the way he initially believes, and would view Ascension as the only right way to get his needs fulfilled.

[socialprawn]

My desire demon mini essay on why im mad theyre not in dai and why theyre so misunderstooood </3

In order to make my point I wanna describe the concept of what a desire demon is in the franchise. She is a demon who seeks to experience the thrills of living outside of the Fade, using her victims as her vessel. She may use sex as a weapon, but in the game the only notable time this happens is with the Warden when they enter Connor's mind (as an option).

Even if her appearance and attitude are alluring/sexy, the instances where we see a desire demon in action is when she fulfills desires that are almost always not sexual. Connor desired to rescue his father from dying, Amalia wanted a cat, Allure offered political power to lady Harrimann in exchange of her family. I think this contrast is what confused both fandom (example: we want incubus demons, people aren't only into women!) and the franchise itself (It's the mid 10's and desire demons have no place in DA:I! which I disagree.)

They are described as the second most powerful demons after pride demons, and sometimes the lines between the two blur. Where pride demons seek to dominate their vessel and then the world around them, desire demons co-depend. They feed on their emotions and life experiences, they seek to fulfill them as well as despair them. I think a good example of pride/desire difference is Connor. The desire demon seeking world domination was not expressed in the same way a pride demon would have, in my opinion, because she was put in a position to possess royalty, and what's more thrilling than to abuse that power?

This is why I feel really sad when I didn't see the desire demons in DA:I. During an apocalyptic scenario, what better time for a desire demon to use the rifts and experience the thrills of living outside the Fade, which is their whole premise? Maybe it can be said that they don't enjoy fighting like other demons, but they have proven to be able to amass armies, and in an event where demons are able to dominate Thedas, why not fight? (Imagine Mass effect banshee-like fights guwaaahhh) They have the upper hand. And even then, I believe with so many people's desperation over the rift ripping apart and desiring safety, it would have been so easy for a desire demon to utilize those common fears and vow for their 'well being'.

Maybe their designs and attitudes, as nice as they are (I LOVE THEM 😭) they managed to confuse their concept. It's really easy to see them as a simple sex succubus, and she can be at very little instances (I can only think of the ONE that I mentioned but I want to finish replaying the games to really know), but they are for the most part demons who fulfill dreams, at a heavy cost and with great trickery. What also confuses their concept might be their initial association with with the sin of Lust, which is what they're based off. The writers clearly didn't want them to go that way, but the designers did 😂

Anyways... i will go touch grass now :V

[poisonnxkki]

Working In Graveyards & Graveyard Etiquette🕯

Why Incorporate Graveyards?

Graveyards have always been associated with the supernatural and metaphysical. In both ancient and modern cultures, funerary rights and the dead have always held great significance in society. When working in these spaces, the most important thing to remember is respect. The dead are not as mutable as the living and it may take longer to rectify a mistake and earn their trust again than it would have been to learn the proper etiquette from the start.

Which begs the question, why work in these spaces and with these spirits? Well lots of reasons, some people choose to only work in graveyards that they have a direct ancestral connection with (ie. family members or distant relative are buried there). Others, like myself, find it a good way to honour the local spirits. Even spirits of people you don't know and have no connection too are worth honouring. Some people believe that since all of humanity has a common ancestor, we are all related and so even cemeteries you have no direct connection to, are connected to you by our common ancestor (another reason I am quite fond of). Maybe you just think it's cool, which is valid. Whatever your reason, just make sure you have one and are not going there with insincere intentions.

What is Graveyard Etiquette?

Graveyard etiquette are the ways in which we should behave when entering and visiting a graveyard in order to be respectful to those resting there. Although there are general rules of thumb which many witches follow, as you develop a relationship with a particular graveyard, those customs can change. Here are some I like to follow:

Leaving an offering- I always bring an offering of coins or flowers. If I'm visiting a graveyard that I've never been to before, I will leave coins at the gate, for the guardian and at some of the older and unkept headstone (also graves of young children if I find any). During regular visits, I leave offerings with the guardian and at headstones of spirits I've developed a relationship with.

Walking the entire graveyard- this is not something I do every time but I like to walk around the entire site and introduce myself especially if I plan on having a working relationship with the spirits there (this may be more difficult for larger sites, I recommend picking an new area each time you visit if that is the case).

Entering and leaving through the same gate- this is not one I stick to every time if I know the spirits really well. If I've never visited before I will always leave through the same exit that I entered from.

Throwing salt or spinning- I heard this one from ChaoticWitchAunt (on TikTok) and it's something that I've just always done. They recommended spinning around three times before leaving to prevent spirits from following you home. I've also thrown a bit of salt over my left shoulder outside the entrance for the same purpose (beware: salt is not good for the earth). This is definitely something that just resonated with me after a bad experience and that's why I continue to do it.

A Note on Necromancy & Death work:

Necromancy is often a term used in many scary movies and cult fiction. It is actually a form of divination which utilizes the dead. Anyone can learn necromancy however it is an integral part of death work. Death worker (practitioners who practice death work) are involved with crossing spirits over. The job requires some level of mediumship abilities and can be very taxing on your mental health. Some death workers take on the lingering emotions of the deceased (pain, fear, anger, etc.) in order to help that spirit. Death work is much more than the small bit that I've described but it is important to note that the path is not for everyone. You can still work in cemeteries and utilize necromancy without doing death work (& a big thank you to the death workers who continue on their path despite the toll it takes, we love you!).

*All images are from Pinterest*

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

yk ive been seeing people say like "oh fyodor COULDVE predicted chuuya snapping out of the vampire control, hes smart" and im like okay yeah that makes sense...but also like...i genuinely think fyodor is in over his head atm. like his speech about "utilizing" chuuya seems so.. .gloaty? arrogant? like, chuuya being able to crush the underside of a door and swimming in a water where you cant really swim in is impressive, but this is chuuya. you know, the guy who can stop bullets and launch them back with greater force, the guy who learned how to control his gravity is a precise manner so that his punches hit twice as hard, THE GUY WHO FOUGHT VERLAINE AND THE DRAGON FROM DEAD APPLE? like my guy is made out of titanium, and the thing he pulled in mersault is honest to god just basic stuff for him compared to what he's used to doing. fyodor calling skk's bond shallow and telling dazai, THE DAZAI, that he doesn't know how to use a gravity user is. one loaded statement. that aint it chief, hes going to get his ass bitten sooner or later.

if i was fyodor, i'd be watching my back.

Hey anon!

Yeah, see the thing about Fyodor's argument that Dazai should've known that a gravity manipulator can get out of a flooded room honestly has very little to do with the utilization of Chuuya's ability. It has everything to do with the vampire guard situated in advance to warn them, otherwise it wouldn't have worked. That's... not something Dazai probably (?) knew. Fyodor choosing to make that oversight (?) about their bond is uh... definitely a targeted choice.

Fyodor's specialty is hitting people where it really hurts. Remember that he first went for Kunikida, right? Because he wanted to break his idealistic spirit. And Cannibalism only works based off of the Agency's and Mafia's respective loyalties to their leaders, Fukuzawa and Mori - he was counting on loyalty to the leaders overcoming loyalty to their orders. So, it really seems like Fyodor regards bonds and emotions and loyalty and ideals as, well, weaknesses to exploit.

But as far as amazing feats Chuuya has performed, you're right, this is really not all that notable. Like I was saying, it's more important that there was already someone positioned in advance. It is weirdly gloaty and arrogant of Fyodor, then, to taunt Dazai with the idea that skk's bond is shallow, but I'll be honest, that actually makes me more nervous.

One of the flashbacks in chapter 101 shows the moment Chuuya saved Dazai in Dead Apple. Fyodor was present for those events and likely saw everything. He was the one who had the intent of forming the singularity dragon, something that Shibusawa did not predict would occur. He clearly has knowledge of singularities, perhaps better than most. Chuuya's true form of his ability is a singularity lifeform. Stormbringer confirms there are ways to counter and defeat singularities.

Conclusion: I am deathly terrified that Fyodor has a means of countering Corruption, and is purposely egging Dazai and Chuuya on.

I have no proof but most of the partnerships we built up throughout the series have been destroyed or separated or rendered ineffective by events in this and the last arc; the only one left is the Dazai-Chuuya one. Yeah. Fear.

But see, here's the thing. I'm still counting on it being Sigma or Chuuya to turn events around. Fyodor does seem to underestimate most people who are not on the same intellectual level as himself and Dazai. Sigma seems to be close to a turning point in his character. Chuuya has a history of throwing powerful enemies and allies completely off their game. I think they can do it. Really, I do.

Moreover, Fyodor commenting on how Dazai "isn't fit to use a gravity manipulator" is dead wrong because... Dazai doesn't use Chuuya's ability at all. Chuuya uses Chuuya's ability. Dazai doesn't tell Chuuya exactly what to do and how to do it. He makes a general plan or hints at a general plan and Chuuya adapts and fills in the gaps on his own. That's why they work! I will continue to shout this as long as I need to!!!

Much as I focus on Chuuya though, I do think Fyodor successfully pissed Dazai off, and I suspect... that's not going to turn out to be a good thing for him. This is Dazai's expression (or rather, lack of) the panel after Fyodor tells him he's "unfit to use gravity manipulation":

His face is completely shadowed.

...haha. Yikes.

Anyways, I rambled a bit here but I hope this was a satisfying response anon! There's really a lot of ways this could go so it's fun to theorize.

[ellestra]

Not the end of the story

I went to the Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 the first night it was on because I was dreading the deaths it could bring so much I knew I couldn’t stay unspoiled if I didn’t. The speculations who will die in this one have been rampant for years. We know Gunn loves to kill off characters and of the starting team neither Groot nor Gamora are the ones we met in the first movie. Rocket was obviously the main suspect and since both Dave Bautista and Zoe Saldana said they are not planning to come back their characters were also likely to die. My longstanding fear was that Nebula would be sacrificed because her revenge and her redemption stories are done and that usually means there is nowhere for a character to go but death.

But this not that kind of movie so we see so many other options for these people to grow. Redemption doesn't have to be the end of the story. It doesn't need to end with death. There is life beyond that.

Sure, there are still big fights and even bigger explosions and there is a lot of death but for the main characters we’ve been following all this time it’s only about connections they built with each other and the connections they share with people they come from. The families they reconnect with and those they found along the way. And second chances that got them there. And sharing that option of second chance with whoever is willing to take it. Even if it sometimes take a long and roundabout way for them to take it.

I’ve said here before that MCU is strongest when it plays on the relationships we built with the characters along the way. When it makes us connect with the characters emotionally and then makes us follow their journey to grow. When it remembers their emotional history so we connect with both who they were and how far they’ve come. And when it’s done well like in this film it is so beautiful.

GotG does it best because it finds the perfect balance between saving that one friend we all love and saving everyone (and I mean everyone they are able to – they even save the animals and abalisks like the big, damn heroes they are). They even give second chance to Adam Warlock who tried to kill them and some High Evolutionary goons who have enough sense not to try. The whole movie is about empathy and compassion over perfection and utility. The people like Hight Evolutionary who only care about the latter see other as tools but the former is what makes you stronger because we are all stronger together. Even the monsters and weird misshapen creatures.

My only small gripe was how callously the Counter-Earth inhabitants are disposed of since we are so preoccupied with other storylines – Gamora saving Rocket, Adam trying to save Ayesha, High Evolutionary ship leaving – that there isn’t time to think of all of them dying. I know High Evolutionary was going to destroy Counter-Earth anyway – he just waited to spring the trap – but it hurt to see all those people including that nice Bat family die right after Peter said how not perfect that word is. It’s like he wanted Peter to feel bad about it but it’s never really followed up on.

This ability to connect with others is why Mantis is the most powerful of them all. She sees what others need and why they are needed. She helps Peter understand he needs to reconnect with his grandfather and his roots on Earth and heal some of his pain. He didn’t lose everyone he loved – he still has time. And she makes Nebula look beyond the superficial to see that everyone matters. Even if your family drives you nuts sometimes when there is love they all matter and have a place.

We see that building connection with people is really Peter’s superpower too. It made him a good conman but it’s also what allows him to save his friends and galaxy without killing people. He convinces others to help. It was really nice to be reminded he too is hyper-competent at what he does. Just like Rocket is at building tech Peter is at this whole thing of finding ways of in and out of both places and people. This is why his plans work so well. Unless, he’s overwhelmed by his own emotions. He still doesn’t deal well with them but that’s what he has friends for – both Nebula and Mantis help him through the worst of it.

Learning to connect to others in ways that are not build on pain and fear has been a big part of Nebula’s journey in MCU – from embracing Gamora through friendship with Tony and Avengers to becoming a Guardian of the Galaxy. We see how Nebula really comes to her own when she cares for others. She is the one who ends up running Knowhere long before the ending. She is the one who defends it. Look at her when she put on her wings to fight and actually defeat Adam Warlock. Look at her finding the information on what Rocket needs and putting the team together to find a way to cure him. And finally shed the last of the toxic thinking Thanos taught her to see who Drax really needs to be – a dad.

She even arranges for both Peter and Gamora to finally confront the ghost that’s been haunting both of them and find peace in knowing that what was, was beautiful but it doesn’t exist any more.

I know for most people the main relationship that drives this group are that of Peter and Gamora and Rocket with family but my favourite is the relationship of Gamora and Nebula. I’ve said it before I wanted more of the sisters’ relationship that isn’t tinged by hurt and distrust. Especially now, after they saved each other (with Gamora saving Nebula from Thanos and Nebula returning the favour and Nebula even killed herself to save her, well a version of herself, but still). Seeing them being there for each other despite being on such a different stages of their healing was great because it’s a lot of what we missed between GotG Vol.2 and Infinity War.

And, of course, Drax connects with the kids and saves them. It’s a perfect pay-off to a man who lost his family to another maniac convinced his pursuit of perfection needs to be paved with other people’s lives. It gives him opportunity to become dad once again. And to become the person who dances. In MCU full of dads who suck he is the best dad.

Groot has grown up with them all and they are the family that he will forever love and one that taught him to give second chances to people. Even the people who try to kill you because they may end up being the ones who save you. This is how they got Nebua when he was little. This is how he got Adam Warlock.

Even Kraglin and Cosmo got find their heroic selves with connection to each other and with help of others. Kraglin remembers the lessons from Yondu and is saved by Cosmo. Cosmo holds on with help from Mantis. They both reach their potential because they have others to help them.

And the whole movie is about Rocket connecting with people through different stages of his life and how much it hurts to lose them but also how beautiful it was to have them in his life. How much they made that life worth living. And how those connections saved his life and allowed him to save lives. He can lead people because he is able to care about people. Because he allows himself to care and be cared for.

I loved how they finally got to the moment their scars healed enough that they no longer need to cling to each other and explore the lives they want to live. Lives that aren’t driven just by the hurt they’ve experienced from others or by atoning for the hurt they caused. These are just their lives.

Saga comics has taught us all that there is beauty in mundanity. We should all strive for the boring life of just being with people we care about. Boring is good actually. They all could use a little boring. I’m sure adventure will be there whenever they are ready.

And they all live. They go each their own way. Like all families they eventually find out they want different things at the moment so they go to explore them but Nebula and Drax make sure they’ll always have home to come back to whenever they need it.

Whenever Mantis feels she needs a break from exploring the universe. Whenever Peter wants to take grandpa sightseeing.  Whenever Guardians need to rest and regroup. Whenever Gamora feels like reconnecting with her sister. For us that means a lot of goodbyes but for them it’s just until we see each other again.

[sketchspook]

The Father of Hell

Watched Hazbin and Helluva the other day. No expectations really, never paid much mind to it until watching, but I'm head over heels for the Lucifer there; love the little guy. Did a "redesign" for fun; feel waaaay fonder of the OG, however.

Apologies to this tumblr account. Been having a rough time with job bouncing and instability, but I'm trying as best as I can since I don't want to just leave this account all dried up like I have. I'm going into a far better place, so I plan on just going apeshit with it once I can utilize my time. I want more Michael myers, more tf2, more dbd, just the absolute works. I want to draw Gummigoo from the digital circus, even. I want to commit to all sorts of things; the passion is there, our time together just... isn't there yet, yet.

This particular Lucifer Morningstar of mine, though he's rushed, I still have attachments to and he's got his own lil tidbits. Listing them below for my sake (VERY long, he's my boy and I wish I could dedicate more to him other than a one time post):

As tall as an redwood tree: the floor of the seven rings used to be stairs for him before he expanded and relinquished them to the other sins.

He played a huge part in giving the other sins their forms - mutilating himself in the process to ensure they had a foundation to build on. Legs to Asmodeus. A piece of his chest, down to his core, for Beelzebub. The original eyes on his face to Mammon; he's got enough to spare. (All I got atm)

His wings got fried like chicken on his way down and instead adopted heavy drapes to compensate for the weight of his wings being largely gone; part of him now, but he's able to take it off... roughly the weight of the moon.

Can't speak, no mouth! It's all telepathy; Charlie is the only one that he can converse with at length without fear of giving hallucinations for days to (at it's worst, schizophrenia indefinitely). Not actual words, just images of things and emotions not designed for things other than angels. It's lonely being at the top.

Even though his legs have been replaced by a tree-like entity of himself (crafted from the remaining ashes of his wings), he can teleport wherever he likes, but the ground is a little weird after, aside from the pride ring.

He can shrink, but never pass 20ft; goes blind after.

His hair tastes like apple dumplings and will keep you fed for a century! (Charlie's only snack once every 100 years)

In his presence, one feels watched from every angle and you are! Thoughts and emotions aren't safe from him. He already has dozens of replies, via symbols and mental images, at the ready for however you choose to voice yourself to him.

Be not afraid: though he can't converse with hellborn or sinners at length, he's a gentle giant. You're an imp from the wrath ring that wants to know what stars are? He has a vast amount of knowledge and know-how (He helped create the universe!) and he'll offer you a memory so far from earth, humans will never see it. If only he could get out more without destroying your farmland wherever he teleports (it won't grow back). Also a pushover. A rug you have people wipe their feet before entering. He was rebellious, outspoken once; never again.

The snake around his waist is the key to his... most "extreme" form. Face of a "Leo." They don't call him the "dreamer" for nothing - if you know, you know.

His violin and bow, the Morning and evening star. Lucifer and Noctifer. No strings, but upon playing, is a melody that Heaven can't replicate. He can spontaneously create without, but upon forgetting about it or it just leaving his mind for other things, it disappears; his violin is what gives substance for his dreams to continue existing without him. He hasn't played it since expanding the seven rings.

His fingers, how do I describe this, can grip both ways: put a palm on the back of his hand? His fingers can hold yours as though you were touching his palm.

His "ducks" are rats and gerbils (just cause one of the stray flames I drew of his hair looked like one and I didn't have the heart to get rid of it)

[unofficialvulturecultureproblems]

So I was gifted a snake and I just found a bird outside my therapists office. Both of which have really small bones and I don't think I can decompose them like I usually do for fear of losing/damaging bones (nature or masceration tank). I don't have any beetles or anything. Any suggestions for how I can go about this? I get really emotional when I do any form of work with knives on animals so I don't know if I could do that

First off since bird remains were mentioned without a location: if you're in the US the Migratory Bird Treaty Act applies so I'd advise leaving the bird outside. There's also restrictions for people in the EU. There are protected and unprotected species so there's a chance it could be legal otherwise, but please be mindful of the laws if this applies to you.

There's a few different options you could utilize though.

While it can have a learning curve, you could try the oxidation method. Essentially you'll soak the animal in hydrogen peroxide instead of water. This should make removing the body tissue manually a bit easier without the skeleton falling apart and is ideally a method used for very small animals who area more difficult to clean. It's a more difficult method to utilize though, so be prepared for a lot of hands-on work. If using knives on an animal isn't your thing this may not be the method for you. No matter what method you use it's advised to clean off as much meat manually as possible though.

If you did want to use maceration you still very well could. Remove as much flesh as possible and use a fine mesh strainer when draining off water. You'll just have to be more meticulous about going through what's in the strainer when you pour out water for changes or the finished product so you don't accidentally throw out any bones with flesh bits.

Another method would be utilizing a "rot pot" for a controlled natural decomposition. It's the same concept as using burial or leaving a carcass out to rot, only instead of leaving or burying it out in the open somewhere you're using a planter box/pot. Be mindful that some animals can still carry off bones (magpies are the worst about it in my area) so you'll need to make sure to prevent that, but if you leave it open for flies and other bugs they'll definitely help the process.

Hope this helps and your bone cleaning goes well!

[elmhat]

// dsmp rp

dream, quackity, and appearances.

Forgive me for loudduo-rambling again, but I'm thinking about how Dream and Quackity, to some extent, share the mindset of "I must be evil in order to make things good again."

And they are! Dream and Quackity are both horrible people who have done terrible, unspeakable things! I could give long lists of all the times either of them have gone too far. In that sense, their "evilness" is not an act—it's a very real part of their lives. The genuine act comes about from how this "evilness" benefits them when it's believed by other people. To be seen as cruel is to be feared, and to be feared is to be powerful, to command respect. They have good reason to play up their malicious intentions, and do so regularly—though I will say this is something Dream utilizes more often.

On the other hand, though, neither of them are particularly open about the motivations behind these "evil" actions: to build a life for themselves and the people they care about. The juxtaposition between the acts themselves and the reasons for doing them clashes with the image they're trying to build for themselves—it's a weakness—and so they cover it up. Dream now wants to steal everyone's prized possessions and to imprison Tommy because it's fun. Quackity now only lives to make money at the expense of those who look up to him. (Again, it's true that Dream takes a lot more effort to play up his worst qualities than Quackity does, but Quackity is also clearly averse to showing any lingering sentiment or kindness—"Las Nevadas will have no place for emotions," etc.)

And leaning into this kind of role has made Dream and Quackity pretty good at seeing through other people. For better of worse, they're both often called a "manipulator"; you don't become a manipulator without understanding how people think, and well enough that you can methodically pick it apart. Ironically enough, I think one person they're both really good at doing this with is Sam. Quackity is able to twist Sam into a line of thinking that has him allowed into the prison, and Dream is able to twist Sam out of it again enough to get the keys. Neither are deterred by Sam's "high and mighty" act, and they know him well enough for it to be blatantly transparent—even if Sam can't see through it himself. Instead, they lean on it, guiding it into something that's useful to them.

What's really interesting about this, however, is that Dream and Quackity's ability to read people stops exactly at each other. Quackity will always be a monster to Dream, and Dream will always be a monster to Quackity, because they can't cope with believing anything else. Quackity hurt Dream enough to destroy both of their worldviews.

[shanksxbuggy]

PLSOLSPLSSS share more of ur shuggy headcanons the last one was so good that it has been my lil entertainment in the head cuz i cant write for shitttt

Ask and you shall receive c: I didn’t know if my headcanons would be very interesting, so I’m glad to hear you enjoy it.

I started this out thinking hmm do I even have any more headcanons, but now I’ve written all this…

Sometimes I imagine them as cis, but sometimes I like to headcanon them as trans. Shanks as a transman, Buggy as nonbinary or trans or genderfluid or like a drag queen. However they are, they’re hanging with Ivankov and the rest of queer community because they just fit there.

Buggy used to be insecure about his hair and hid it under a beanie. He used to want a more ‘normal’ hair color like the other crewmembers.

Shanks is the better liar when he wants to be. He doesn’t lie as often, but he’s better at controlling and hiding his emotions.

Buggy first became interested in the circus by seeing street performers as a kid, and somehow felt the circus lights calling out to him. His heart longs for the stage, to be at the center of attention before a huge crowd. But he also hates being made fun of and isn’t very good at dealing with criticism. He became inspired to include circus techniques and magician’s tricks in his fighting style, light and airy and impossible to predict.

Buggy didn’t come up with being called the clown, the Marines did. He just begrudgingly went with it.

Shanks is a lot more touchy-feely. He likes casually having an arm around Buggy, having their thighs touching, resting his head on his shoulder. Buggy is generally fine with it in front of people he knows, but he’s not one for overly public displays of affection. He has a reputation to uphold.

After Buggy got his powers, whenever he used to get annoyed or mad at Shanks, he’d detach his body and float away where Shanks couldn’t reach him.

Buggy knows sign language, because it’s useful for subtle communication and even better when you’re someone who can detach their hands.

Shanks used to show his affection by teasing Buggy a lot, who’d take it the wrong way and thought Shanks was just being an ass for no reason to Buggy. It’s classic pigtail-pulling behavior.

Buggy was real upset about not being able to swim anymore, so Shanks promised to take Buggy out into the water whenever he felt like it, so he could experience the seas without fear of drowning.

One of Shanks’ favorite foods is lobster, which is hard for him to eat unless someone cracks open the shell for him. Buggy is always the one who unshells it for him.

Shanks is a morning person, Buggy is more of a night owl who consumes multiple cups of coffee to function.

Shanks doesn’t like sleeping by himself so he shares sleeping quarters with the crew. After Elegia, he started getting nightmares more frequently. Sleeping with a room full of people he can trust helps put him at ease.

When Shanks can’t sleep, he’ll drink a lot of alcohol until he just knocks himself out.

Same as Luffy, Buggy also has the special ability to turn people into allies, just in a slightly different way.

All the Red-Haired Pirates already know about Buggy because of Shanks’ tendency to ramble while he’s drunk. At first they expected Buggy to be this exotic beauty, they were shocked when they found out the love of Shanks’ life was a literal clown. But then again, Shanks always had…questionable tastes, so they should have expected it.

Shanks really loves Buggy’s red lipstick. He especially loves it when Buggy leaves red lipstick marks on his clothes and skin. Buggy does it as a way of staking his claim.

Despite his good looks, Shanks is bad at posing for photos. He’s not the type to try and utilize his looks, so he’s more awkward in photos than in real life. Buggy is the one who knows how to work the camera and loves showing off in front of it.

Shanks definitely isn’t the type to whine or complain about pointless things…except he will with Buggy, just as a way to get his attention or be pampered. Shanks turns into a big, immature baby around Buggy, but it’s because he feels comfortable enough to do so.

Shanks likes summer islands, Buggy prefers winter islands (his nose gets sunburned easily lol)

They used to swap clothes a lot when they were kids. As adults they don’t do it that much anymore, but when they do, usually it’s Buggy stealing Shanks’ things.

Shanks wears the same damn outfit all the time unless someone forces him into something else (usually it’s Buggy who does). Shanks also sleeps naked or just in his underwear most of the time.

Buggy trains Uta in the circus trade and teaches her tricks so she can include them in her performances. The Buggy Pirates and Uta do collaborations on the stage. It’s like an idol concert meets Cirque du Soleil and the result is mind-blowing. Shanks is not talented enough in that area to be an entertainer, but he is their biggest fan.