#foreshadowing for the reader tbh

[clonerightsagenda]

I swear I saw a post about this that I now can't find, but plunking down a frozen severed head in front of the committee is a hell of a way to secure grant funding.

[piastri-fvx]

Fool for you. Lando Norris.

Pairing: Lando Norris x model!reader, smau

Summary: When y/n and Lando are on vacation together and Lando is acting like the down bad boyfriend he is.

Word Count: 970+

Face claim: sabrina carpenter & girls from pinterest!!

Disclaimer/s: None, just a tiny bit of teasing/bickering and obviously Lando being down bad!!

A/N: Third storyyy, here we goooo!! Hope u enjoy <333 let me know if you have requests or you want to be on my permanent tag list!!!

♡ Masterlist ♡

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@yourusername

liked by landonorris, pietra.pilao, logansargeant, oscarpiastri and 3.492.691 others

yourusername f1 summer break incomingggg

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user1 obsessed with the lando boyfriend content

-> user2 you're so real for that

oscarpiastri i can hear lando giggling in the room next to the one i'm in liked by creator

-> user3 probably kicking his feet

-> user4 lando's like a teenage girl with a crush 😭🙏

-> user5 no but like he basically is

user6 lando norizz in one... two... three..

landonorris my beautiful beautiful girlfriend 😍😍😍 liked by creator

-> yourusername 💕

-> landonorris i miss youuuuu

-> yourusername i'm sitting next to you??

-> landonorris yes but there's like a few centimeters between us 😣

-> maxfewtrell simp

-> georgerussell63 simp

-> alex_albon simp

-> estebanocon simp

-> yukitsunoda0511 simp

-> pietra.pilao model for a reason 🥰 liked by creator

-> yourusername miss you so much, my love!!

-> pietra.pilao you and lando need to come to london soon and visit max and i liked by creator

-> yourusername definitely!!

-> landonorris nooooo 🙁

-> maxfewtrell we don't get a say in this?

-> user6 no, let the girls be girls, lmao

user7 okay but she is literally stunning 😍

-> landonorris she issss 🥰 liked by creator

logansargeant yoooooo liked by creator

-> yourusername oh... hi 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🔥🔥🔥🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

-> user8 my girl saw an american and thought eagle 😭

user9 pretty girllll

@landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell, yourusername, mclaren, nicolassturniolo, taylorswift and 4.385.591 others

landonorris summer vacation with the prettiest girl in the world (she wanted to keep the kittens) 🥰

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user1 i love him for posting the chaotic pics

user2 i'm not sure if i wanna be lando or y/n

-> user3 real. they're both so lucky

-> user4 most attractive couple fr fr

user15 i don't want the relationship if it's not like lando and y/n

taylorswift deserved resttt ❤️ liked by creator

-> yourusername and your songs are on repeat 💋

-> user5 lando and y/n are giving so high school/ sparks fly

-> user6 omg true

user7 true love doesn't exist if they don't get married one day liked by creator

-> landonorris 🤭

-> user8 IS THIS SUBTLE FORESHADOWING, LANDO NORRIS?????

-> user9 is this an announcement by him??

user10 my type

yourusername cutieeeee ❤️ liked by creator

-> user11 they're adorable

-> landonorris @yourusername no youuuu

-> user12 he's probably kicking his feet rn

oscarpiastri i'm currently sitting next to lando, i can confirm that he's blushing liked by creator

-> landonorris yep

-> user13 and he's so proud of it too 😭❤️

-> user14 i don't want him if he's not like lando

maxverstappen1 are you a cat dad now?

-> landonorris yes, we kept the kittens 😣

-> user16 the way lando literally can't say no to y/n

-> user17 being a cat dad made him gain infinite aura tbh

@yourusername

liked by landonorris, leenascobell, charles_leclerc, flavy.barla and 2.389.174 others

yourusername blessed 🧡

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leenascobell love you so much y/n liked by creator

-> yourusername love youuuuu

-> user1 the scobell family and y/n being friends jdndbuxkdndkdk

-> user2 kill me now

mclaren orange dress? *wink* papaya? *wink wink* liked by creator

-> yourusername my favorite team 🧡🤭

-> user15 the mclaren admin is a proud parents 😭❤️

flavy.barla love of my life ❤️ liked by creator

-> yourusername real, love of my life 💋

-> flavy.barla my girllll liked by creator

-> landonorris back off, y/n's mine 🙄

-> estebanocon mate, we don't even exist to them

-> user3 real, so stop trying

-> user4 the wives and their boyfriends

landonorris did someone say wife? liked by creator

-> user5 what if we did?

-> user8 lando...

user14 that's not even a face card, that's a while face economy 😍

user6 oh, y/n, the woman you are

-> user7 oh, lando, the man your are

user8 lando, my man, you better wife her up soon

-> user9 fr, put a ring on it

-> user10 he better not fumble🙏

user11 bro's actually trying to soft launch him proposing to his girlfriend rn 😭

user12 they are so wattpad coded

-> user13 no but like actually 🙏

@landonorris

liked by yourusername, flavy.barla, alexandrastmleux, flonorris1, lilymhe and 5.395.726 others

landonorris ladies and gentleman, my future Mrs. Norris ❤️

tagged: @yourusername

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flonorris1 so incredibly happy for you guys!! and very happy to have y/n as my new sister 🤭 liked by creator

-> yourusername huge bonus to marrying lando 🥰

-> landonorris you're lucky i love you, y/n 🙄

-> yourusername i love you, even if you're a muppet sometimes 🧡 liked by creator

-> user1 mom and dad 😍

user2 she really is THAT woman

-> user3 FR SHE IS SO PRETTY

user4 i don't know if i want to be y/n or be with y/n

-> user5 the struggle is real yall

-> user6 yeah 😭😭😭

user7 can lando fight???

-> landonorris yes. 😒

-> user8 surely he can't fight all of us?

-> user9 maybe not but i think he'll try

flavy.barla congrats!! liked by creator

-> yourusername thank you, my loveee ❤️

-> landonorris thanks, flavy

iamrebeccad Yaaaaayyy so special 🥰♥️ liked by creator

-> user10 awwww ❤️❤️❤️

carmenmmundt that's wonderful!!! congratulations ❤️ liked by creator

-> yourusername thank you!!

-> user11 hi, carmen!!

user12 all of the wags being in the comments, awww 😭❤️

alexandrasaintmleux Sooooo happy for you both ❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰 liked by creator

-> user13 alex and y/n supremacy 🙏

-> yourusername @alexandrasaintmleux thank you so much, darling!!!

-> user14 the best bridesmaid??

user15 CONGRATSSSSS ❤️❤️❤️

mclaren CONGRATSSS!!! the Norris's are team papaya 🧡🤭 liked by creator

-> user16 real 🥰

-> landonorris always ☺️

-> yourusername papaya on top!! liked by creator

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A/N: yayyyyyy!! this took me so long because i was really busy today, but anywayssss!! hope u enjoyed <333

[starkeymeow]

❛ we make each other alive . .

does it matter if it hurts? ❜

I’M COMING, WAIT FOR ME.

PLOT you enter the hunger games a proud weapon of your district, only to find your sharpest blade is the boy beside you, and you’re not sure which one of you the capitol wants to break first.

CONTENT part fifteen, best read in dark mode, rafe cameron x reader au, caesars interview, lowk foreshadowing, rafe and reader getting closerrr blurring the lines tbh

main masterlist | series ml | tag list | previous next

it takes days. not hours, not just a few fittings. days. there are endless mornings that bleed into the evenings where you’re just standing for so long your legs go numb, your shoulders ache, and your mind starts slipping out of your own body.

you forget what you look like after a while.

you forget you ever looked like anything else.

your prep team and valis, who’s probably the only one in the room with any consistent kindness, circle around you like you’re some ancient sculpture they’ve been tasked to restore. they treat you like you’re breakable. they pluck at threads, yank your hips this way and that, lift your chin, murmur things like “panem’s rose needs to bloom, not wither.”

you don’t know what that means. they still keep calling you that, panem’s rose, even after the games. it’s probably just stuck now, probably branded, part of your skin.

it takes rounds and rounds of sketches, of fabrics being held up to your jawline, of silks being abandoned for velvets and then tossed aside again. they can’t decide who they want you to be. soft or striking. seductive or sweet. you’re both and neither at the same time, but also too tired to be anything at all.

rafe endures it all in silence beside you. you can feel how tired he is the way he leans his weight against whatever surface is closest. his jaw clenches when they ask him to stand taller. his eyes occasionally drifting toward you like are we really doing this? but he doesn’t complain. neither do you.

maybe this is what it means to be a victor.

maybe this is what you won.

in between the fittings and the wardrobe arguments, there are coaching sessions. snow’s people pair you with a voice coach, a posture coach, a “personality” coach. you sit across from enobaria and brutus while they go over strategy and image. compared to before, this time is not for battle, but for survival. for public relations.

you’re killers now, yes, but also trophies and puppets. you have to smile the right way when caesar flicks his hand dramatically and the crowd screams. you have to talk about your pain without really talking about it.

snow doesn’t want trauma. he wants triumph. he wants to show panem how its newest victors overcame everything with grace, how they made it out together.

so they give you lines, suggestions, and key words to repeat. they give you anecdotes to sprinkle in that feel natural but are completely fake. they push you to expand on your “romance,” to play into it. they want chemistry, even tears if they can get them.

and finally, the day comes.

it’s caesar’s post-games interview. you and rafe will be seen together for the first time since the arena. the entire nation will be watching.

your prep team is frantic. valis is calm but firm, adjusting and readjusting everything like a clockmaker with trembling hands. they’ve chosen your look finally, and now they’re executing it with surgical precision.

you’re standing again. the dress hugs your body like water, sleek and dark, almost mirror-shiny in some places. it’s black, of course. a color that looks more like shadow when you move. they say it’s to symbolize rebirth, power, and resilience.

but it’s the back of the dress that has everyone so excited. it’s completely open, bare from shoulder blade to base spine. you can feel the chill of the room kissing your skin every time you breathe.

valis steps closer, fixing the silver chain of your necklace. it rests right at the dip of your collarbone. “there,” she says quietly, brushing a nonexistent crease from your waist. “hold your head just like that.”

you exhale slowly, eyes locked on the mirror in front of you. you barely recognize the girl staring back.

your hair’s been pinned up into a soft twist, loose pieces curled carefully around your face, meant to look effortless even though you know it took at least three people and half a dozen pins to achieve. your makeup is bold without being loud.

you look like something out of a dream, or maybe a nightmare. honestly you’re not sure which.

valis takes a step back and tilts her head. “you’ve never looked more beautiful.”

you swallow, throat dry. “that’s a little scary.”

she smiles, not denying it. you do a small spin, still staring at your reflection. the fabric of your dress shifts like ink around your legs. then you catch a glimpse of your bare back, and you instinctively reach for it, touching your own spine as if you’re trying to make sure it’s still there.

“was the open back really necessary?” you mutter, fingers curling slightly. “it’s freezing. and it just feels . . . i don’t know. exposed.”

valis chuckles, stepping back in to check the lay of the fabric. “the back is everything,” she says, serious now. “it’s a statement. it’s freedom, mystery, strength. it’s the one part of the body that isn’t always shown, but when it is, people notice. it’s vulnerable and powerful at once.”

you blink. “ . . . so it’s cold for a reason.”

“exactly.”

you nod, not really understanding but accepting it anyway. you’re not a fashion expert. you’re not really anything anymore except what they tell you to be. so you keep looking at yourself, standing there while valis checks over the last few things.

there’s a knock at the door. someone calls out that they’ll be taking you backstage soon. valis straightens and gives you one last look.

“you ready?” she asks, quiet.

you don’t answer right away. your gaze stays fixed in the mirror, watching your own eyes, watching the way your jaw sets.

“i guess,” you whisper because it doesn’t matter if you are. the show goes on either way.

you follow someone down the long corridor, heels clicking against the marble. the lights above are too bright, but everything still feels dim. backstage always does.

the last time you were here, your name hadn’t yet become synonymous with blood.

your hands were still clean.

you were still someone’s bet.

and now, the odds are over. the game is done. and somehow you’ve made it out. but you’re still in costume, still in character.

your team leaves you with a brief nod and a gentle usher toward the exit curtain. you’re alone now, sort of. the room’s a hum of voices and shifting equipment, but it dulls as you step closer to the red exit strip. you look up at the tv monitor bolted above the arch. caesar’s already onstage, his signature grin flashing beneath layers of lights and makeup, all fake teeth and charm and fabricated warmth.

“we’ve had a very exciting few weeks here in the capitol,” caesar’s voice booms out through the speakers above, echoing just a little. “and with reconstruction efforts happening in district six, a new peacekeeper unit rollout in the districts—”

you stop listening. your chest feels too tight in the dress. the fabric presses uncomfortably over your ribs, and you’re trying to subtly tug at it without smudging anything. fingers brush beneath the seam, dragging downward. it doesn’t help.

and then you feel someone next to you. not obvious, it’s just someone’s presence.

you glance sideways and rafe’s there, standing just a step away, hands tucked loosely in the pockets of his dark suit pants, head tilted up to the screen like he’s been here the whole time, as if he’s watching tv at home, and not seconds away from being shoved in front of millions of people.

he’s dressed in black too, but it’s different. he’s more structured and sharp. something about the way the shoulders of the jacket are cut, the severity of the collar and deep, hidden buttons, it all screams military or controlled power. he’s supposed to be your protector, they said. panem’s rose and her soldier or whatever.

his hair’s tossed in his curtains, eyes rimmed subtly in something cool-toned to make the blue stand out more. he looks like a weapon.

and gorgeous.

you catch yourself looking too long and turn away again, focus back on the screen, or try to.

“you look good,” you say casually, voice low. your fingers are still fidgeting at the dress near your chest, like if you adjust it one more time, it’ll suddenly be comfortable but you know it won’t.

rafe shifts beside you. you see the motion from the corner of your eye, him straightening up slightly, tugging at one of his cuffs to roll it once. you feel his eyes fall on you briefly, his smirk soft but clearly entertained.

“so do you,” he murmurs, and it’s a little smug. you don’t look at him again.

on the screen, caesar’s still talking, dragging out the monologue in his usual way.

“tonight’s a celebration,” he declares. “a reunion, if you will. and it’s not every day panem gets a prize this sweet. now yes, folks, you know them, you love them—panem’s new golden couple!”

there’s a beat, and then thunderous applause. there’s just cheers and whistles.

your stomach flips but you try to swallow it all down. rafe exhales slowly through his nose. the monitor cuts to caesar gesturing grandly toward the left side of the stage, where the two of you will be entering.

you straighten up a little, feel your spine lengthen under the weight of everyone else’s expectations. you don’t move yet. neither does he.

you’re waiting, trying to remember the story snow told you to tell. and when the curtain finally stirs, a hand gestures forward, and you hear ‘good to go on my count’ faintly behind you before a countdown is initiated.

on one, you take the first step. you walk out like you’ve done this your whole life.

the lights are so bright you can hardly see the crowd, but you can feel the energy. it pulses through the room like it’s alive. you keep your chin lifted, pace even. the slit of your dress moves like liquid, your heels clicking smooth and sharp against the stage floor. rafe is behind you, just a step back, tall and composed, like he’s meant to escort you.

you glance at the crowd as you walk and already catch the chaos. people wear rose pins on their collars, one girl cries into a glittered handkerchief. everyone in the capitol look terrifying and unreal, as per usual.

you reach caesar first, who’s beaming at you like you’ve just solved world peace. you give him a soft kiss on the cheek, not really touching him, your arms miming a gentle hug. your smile holds steady.

“darling,” he coos, squeezing your hand before letting go. “panem’s very own rose.”

god, you’re getting really tired of hearing that.

you keep the smile on as you turn and take your seat. the fabric of your dress pulls slightly at your lower back, and you do a quick check that you’re still all in place before smoothing the hem and sitting. the chair’s lower than expected.

then rafe steps forward. when he reaches caesar, he grins and shakes his hand before caesar pulls him in for a half hug too.

“our victor-soldier,” caesar says with pride, gesturing grandly before waving him toward the seat next to you.

rafe sits. the space between you is . . . not really a space. the chairs are closer than they should be. his knee brushes yours as he settles in. you try not to tense, but your entire body reacts anyway. you shift an inch away, only to be met with the edge of the seat. nowhere to go.

caesar raises both arms and the room finally starts to settle, the applause fading into excited murmurs and wide eyes.

“ah!” caesar sighs, almost dramatically. “you two must be exhausted right now, aren’t you? i mean—victors! and not just victors, but beloved. praised. adored. what a whirlwind!”

you both laugh. you don’t mean it. but the sound plays well.

rafe tilts his head slightly, nodding once. “it’s been . . . a lot,” he says smoothly.

“but a good lot, i’m sure!” caesar quips, and the audience chuckles along. “tell me, what was going through your heads in those final moments? when it came down to just the two of you. allies turned . . . well, lovers? was it always meant to end that way?”

you glance at rafe instinctively. the cameras probably catch it. he doesn’t meet your gaze, instead focusing on caesar with a carefully constructed smile, his fingers tapping gently against his knee like he’s timing himself.

“we made a promise,” rafe says, voice low and sure. “that we’d get out together. no matter what.”

caesar hums, pleased. “and that’s something, isn’t it? to hold on to a promise in there . . . when everything else is stripped away.”

he turns to you. you straighten just enough to look attentive, even if your back’s killing you.

“was that hard for you, sweetheart?” he asks, eyes soft. “was there ever a moment where you thought . . . ‘maybe it should just be me’? i mean, you’re clever. you played quite the game. deadly, but beautiful. poetic, even. and yet, you shared your victory.”

“i knew i could win,” you say with a tilt of your head. “i trained for it my whole life. but the point wasn’t just surviving. it was surviving with him. we were stronger together. and there’s no pride in leaving someone like him behind when he’s earned it just as much as i did.”

rafe lets out a low laugh. you feel his eyes on you, and when you glance his way, he’s already looking at caesar with a crooked sort of grin that feels natural.

“we were built for this, both of us,” rafe says, shrugging a little, but it’s confident, not humble. “we came from a district where winning isn’t a hope. it’s an expectation. i wasn’t gonna die in there, and neither was she. anyone watching could see that.”

he lets the silence hang for just a second, then adds, “but when you’ve got someone like her watching your back, someone who knows the way you move, the way you fight . . . it doesn’t just make you dangerous. it makes you unbeatable.”

you don’t look at him when he says it, but you feel your jaw tighten just slightly, your breath catching as the room erupts in applause again.

“i have to ask, was it always like this? because the switch from allies to something more, was rather sudden, don’t you think?” his brow arches. “or maybe you were just very good at keeping it quiet until the right moment?”

your smile doesn’t drop, but your gaze flicks to rafe again.

“we didn’t have the luxury of showing it,” you answer this time. “not in the arena. that would’ve made us vulnerable. but it was there.”

“and maybe,” rafe adds, glancing sideways at you now, “we didn’t even realize what it was until it was just us left.”

that earns another dramatic gasp from caesar and more applause from the audience.

“you’ve given us so much to believe in, i love it!” caesar says after the crowd calms down again. “panem’s rose and her soldier. killers, yes, but lovers too. truly . . . what a story.”

you cross one leg over the other, hands folded gently in your lap, posture perfect. you feel rafe’s hand brush just close enough to suggest a romantic closeness for the camera. it’s barely a touch, but it’s noticed.

“you’ve given us hope,” caesar says warmly, now looking directly at the camera, “in a time we didn’t know we needed it. panem’s rose and her soldier. thank you. both of you.”

you smile again and you nod.

caesar eases back in his chair. “so,” he starts with a knowing tilt of his head, “what have you two been up to lately?”

you give a soft smile. rafe leans in a bit like he’s going to answer, but you beat him to it.

“honestly?” you glance out into the crowd, a little smirk forming. “sleeping, eating food that doesn’t come in foil packets, learning how to exist without . . . constantly watching your back.”

“ouu, and what about together time?” he flashes his teeth under his smirk, which makes you nervous if he’ll ever actually ask you about anything intimate. “there are rumors, now just whispers, of course, but i heard that the two of you have moved in together? is that right?”

rafe raises his eyebrows, feigning mild offense. “already checking our lease agreements, caesar?”

the crowd cracks up. even caesar throws his head back with a dramatic laugh. “i have sources!”

“yeah, well,” rafe shrugs, that relaxed half-smile tugging at his mouth, “we’re still adjusting, trying to figure out what our lives look like now. sometimes that means crashing on the same couch. sometimes it means waking up to burnt toast and a broken shower handle.”

“okay, you broke the shower handle,” you cut in, turning toward him with a pointed look.

rafe raises a hand in surrender. “mechanical error.”

“more like brute strength and zero patience.”

the audience loves it. there are roars of laughter, scattered claps, someone literally yelling, ‘marry her already!’ from somewhere in the back, which only makes your face burn hotter.

caesar wipes an imaginary tear from his eye. “i have to say, you two are deliciously entertaining. but . . .”

you shift slightly, bracing when you see him look down and furrow his brows like he’s digging deep, tapping a finger to his bottom lip as if the next thing he asks will break the world wide open.

“your families,” caesar begins, voice softer now, hands folding in his lap. “we know panem doesn’t exactly celebrate lineage the way it used to. but you both . . . you come from backgrounds that shaped you. tell us, what role did family play in the way you approached the games? and now, the aftermath?”

you go still for a moment, caught off guard. it’s a real question, not one he’s asking just for theatrics. and you see it in rafe too, how his posture straightens a little, how his mouth presses together in thought.

you go first, a bit quietly.

“for me,” you begin slowly, “i didn’t grow up with much of a name to fall back on. no legacy to live up to, no long line of anything special to remind me what i should be. but that quiet? that lack of anything special?” you look down for a moment, smoothing a line invisible on your dress. “it made me want it more. i trained for years because i wanted to prove that it doesn’t take bloodlines or spotlights to be good enough. i wanted kids like me to see it’s not about where you’re from. it’s about who you decide to be when no one’s watching.”

rafe speaks after, “and i come from a line that’s always expected more. discipline, order. my father’s a peacekeeper. he’s always been about structure and authority.” he pauses, jaw ticking once as he glances out at the crowd. “he trained me like a soldier before i could even call myself a person.”

a few murmurs ripple through the audience.

“i used to think that was all i had to be,” rafe continues. “a weapon, something sharp enough to survive. but the games . . .” he trails off, then looks at you. “the games taught me that strength isn’t just about how fast you move or how clean you fight. sometimes, it’s about how much you can feel and still stand up.”

the way he’s looking at you now, it’s like you’re something holy, like the arena didn’t break you but fucking birthed you. is he okay?

and then,

“i wouldn’t have made it through if it weren’t for her.”

the audience stills. your chest feels tight.

“she’s not just brave,” he says, eyes never leaving yours. “she’s good. the kind of good that makes you want to be better. even when you’re sure you can’t be.”

your breath catches, not enough to be obvious, but enough that you know it happened.

the crowd starts clapping again, slowly at first, then faster. someone whistles. someone cheers. someone says your name like it means something more now.

but all you can do is stare at him. because maybe you knew he was strong. maybe you even knew he was capable of softness when no one was looking. but you didn’t expect this.

you didn’t expect him to say it in front of everyone or to feel it in your throat. you turn away for a second, just to catch your breath.

but caesar, of course, eats it up. he’s grinning, hand against his chest like he’s been given a gift.

“well,” he says, laughing gently, “i was going to ask if this was real love or something cooked up by snow’s finest screenwriters . . . but i think that answers that.”

more applause, more noise, and still, that look in rafe’s eyes like he’s not acting anymore.

and you?

you don’t know what this is.

but suddenly, it feels a lot less like pretending.

@nicholaschavezslut69 @iissza @snowtargaryen @yootvi @ariiwritess @spideysimpossiblegirl @skyslowalking @adribarbie @obsessionsarenotfortheweak @0-tatiana-0 @beebeerockknot @rafestar @drewstarkeyzwhore @drewsephrry @annaconscience @writtenbyhollywood @yourtypicalteenagegirl @daisydark @v4mpscrms @issahruiz @ilovefictionallmenn @derpjungkook @vanessa-rafesgirl @sunny1616 @alphabetically-deranged @nrmlgirl @supercxnt @xoxosblogsblog @rafegetinmybed @siyahmoonlight @livie4lifestarkeyblyth @d-daxx @tsumudoll @ogcrashout @jjasmiineee @loverliner @ailimedae @belle101200 @hiimbrina @nomup @ayy1234567 @girxwrp @k4yr14 @amterasuu @theteenagementality @maggscr @hey-you22w @delilah22pbp @hayleynott @silkenthusiasts ++

[bunni-v1]

Can I please request a reader that has been so traumatised by what’s happened in the Scarabia book that they actively avoid the entire dorm and have Ace and Deuce as their guard dogs (I love those two and I really love how you wrote them as the readers protective besties during the Malleus break up fic). Like how would Kalim, Jamil and Adeuce react to that?

I find it really cathartic when I read fics that have the characters feeling guilty after what they put the reader through whilst the reader is getting support from their friends.

(Something I’m really salty about in twst is how no one ever holds the overblots accountable for what they’ve done. I full on agreed with Ace when he told Riddle that crying wasn’t going to erase all that he did before the overblot and I literally fell in love with him when he punched Riddle after he insulted us/Yuu/the player. I understand that those boys are traumatised and are in desperate need of therapy and overblotting was the only way for their problems to be solved but the treatment they inflicted on Yuu/us was downright hellish. Azul made us homeless and tore us away from the only family/comfort we had in twst (the ghosts) and then sent the tweels to terrorise us in our attempts to reclaim said home and free our friends from servitude; Jamil kidnapped us, hypnotised us, locked us up in a room against our will, isolated us from Adeuce and took away any contact we had with them, forced us on long marches in the dessert and turned a blind eye to our clear suffering during that time; Vil acted like a literal demon to not only us (and then almost made my Deucey cry) but everyone else as well and that was before he decided to try to murder an innocent teenager. Like why does no one understand just how much this can damage an actual child who has no magic and has been stripped from their home and family?)

Reader Terrified of Scarabia After Jamil’s Overblot

TW: PTSD; Mental Breakdown; Disassociation; Mentions of Abuse; Kalim and Jamil are tragic

Info: Ace, Deuce x Reader (platonic or romantic); Kalim, Grim x Reader (platonic); Jamil and Reader (neutral)

🍓I love requests like this tbh. My own OC sorta has her own grapplings with this stuff that I like to touch upon, and I’m excited I get the chance to talk about it here :) THIS IS LONG AS HELL BTW(like this intro here lol). I had a lot of fun writing it :))) I added a cute, shorter little grim part, because our little guy deserves more lovin’ than he gets. I also decided to do a cute little (read: long) intro, and then head cannons since you didn’t specify for either. I hope you enjoy this style, and I’m sorry for the wait <3

You had been through… a lot in your time at Night Raven College. Being thrown into a completely different world would’ve been enough, but it seems that the great seven thought you needed some extra troubles. You weren’t sure how you could’ve encored their wrath, but you were, and you were chugging along despite it all.

First was the attack from the phantom in the mines — something that should’ve been foreshadowing for what was to come. You didn’t even do anything to be in this position. It was Ace Grim and Deuce, but you got dragged into it all because you were “Grim’s keeper.” You managed to befriend Ace and Deuce though, so it wasn’t so bad.

Second was Riddle with his unending temper and strict rules. Despite everything telling you to just stay out of it, your good-natured heart just couldn’t stop you from helping Ace and Deuce. Nearly dying in the process, you managed to help Riddle and made newfound friends in Heartslabyul. 

Third came Leona, the selfish, stuck-up, lazy no-good prince of the Savannah. You knew he was trouble from the start, and you wanted nothing to do with him or his little lackey Ruggie. Then he hurt Trey, and you couldn’t stand by while he reigned terror on the school. He was a favorable ally to gain in the end, so you could dismiss his actions so long as he kept in his lane.

Fourth was Azul, another student you figured would cause you trouble. With the extra scary Jade and Floyd always tailing him, and that too buttery sweet voice of his, you were determined to keep your distance. Again, however, your friends were in trouble and you couldn’t help but help them. Azul was a broken person, and you could sympathize with his struggles. He even gave you a job at the lounge to help with funding yourself, so he couldn’t be all that bad.

You’d come to dislike the other house wardens out of principle. A pattern had emerged among them, and you weren’t going to fall victim to another horrific overblot. You still had suction cup-shaped bruises on your arm from Azul’s breakdown. Leona had given you more than just a nasty burn from the scalding hot whirlwind of sand he conjured up. The scars Riddle left behind on your face and arms were healed, but they still ached when you touched them. All painful reminders that you could not truly trust anyone here, that anyone could lose control of themselves and hurt you. Yet…

When you met Jamil in the kitchen, he seemed so kind to both you and Grim. He seemed so genuine and honest. Maybe it was wishful thinking, or maybe it was you missing your friends, but you wanted to trust him despite your gut feeling to be distrustful. Could everyone here really be that bad? Certainly not. Ace Deuce and Jack went here as well… so surely… surely…

The alarm bells didn’t ring at all during the dinner, and Kalim — despite everything you’ve been through — seemed so nice, if not a little overbearing. You could see the tiredness on Jamil's face, and you had the kindness in your heart to express your sympathies. And oh, Jamil so humbly assured you that he was fine. Filling your head with little half-truths and ideas that Kalim had been overworking not only him but the other students. That he had been acting “off” as of late.

You saw Kalim’s sudden shifts in personality. How he would be so sweet, so kind and soft. How he made sure you were enjoying yourself, made sure you ate to your heart's content, made sure you were comfortable in your uniform and your sleeping quarters. Then he would be yelling at everyone, demanding unspeakable exercises and work.

If Ace were there with you, he would’ve called bullshit. Still, you trusted Jamil to start. You actually believed he was kind and had good intentions. You believed that Kalim was the real evil here.

Then he wouldn’t let you and Grim leave, and the students were suddenly so aggressive toward you. He took everything you had and stripped you of your dignity and pride until there was nothing left but fight.

Truly, you didn’t realize it was him that was the issue until he was over-blotting in front of your eyes. It wasn’t an unusual sight to you at that point, you’d defeated multiple overblots and befriended these people. You don’t know what it was. The way you’d trusted him. The fact that you felt truly alone without Ace and Deuce. This one broke you…

You just didn’t feel a damn thing after he was saved. You felt no pity, no joy, no relief. Absolutely nothing, an empty void in your chest. Even as everyone around you celebrated, there was nothing. You stood watching everyone parade around with glee blankly, unable to speak to anyone around you. Just listening to the voices that had begun to mesh together.

You didn’t show anything until Ace and Deuce showed up. Something about their faces, the way they were looking over you, the way they seemed so scared for your wellbeing… it made you cry. It made you cry and cry and cry until you couldn’t make any noise and then you cried some more. They had to drag you away from everyone because you just couldn’t quite stand upright when Deuce would try to get you to walk away with him…

The days after were blurry. You remained holed up in your dorm, unable to really move from your bed. Ace and Deuce stayed in their own separate room next to yours. You could hear them talking through the walls about how worried they were about you, how angry they were at Jamil, how angry they were at themselves for not getting there in time to help you. If you’d had the energy, you would’ve scolded them for being so hard on themselves, but you could hardly speak in the first place.

They cared for you as best as they could. Deuce attempted to cook the recipes Trey sent him over magicam, making sure you ate and stayed hydrated. Occasionally you’d hear Azul downstairs, and Deuce would give you something nice from the Monstrolounge — free of charge, he promised. You could tell that he wasn’t sleeping much in his worry over you. 

Grim remained at your side as loyal as a dog and boasting that he’d keep you safe, but you knew he was scared too. He proclaimed that he would keep you safe, but you could feel him trembling at every sudden noise. You had to comfort him from the horrific nightmares he was having. That was okay, though, he was family and you were his.

Ace was the only one who really kicked your ass into gear. He’d tug you out of bed and into the shower as people began to return from winter break. Made you go on walks around campus to show you that you were completely safe. Eventually, he’d been able to get you to visit Azul to thank him directly for his kindness. He wasn’t soft or gentle with you, that wasn’t in his character at all, but he made sure you felt safe enough to return to classes before they started.

They both worked hard to help you recover, but you were still so afraid…

Ace

-Ace isn’t exactly the most comforting person, and he never claimed to be. 

-He’s not good at reassuring people, but he’s good at being honest, and if he was being honest he knew that you were safe around him and Deuce.

-He walks you to and from classes, spends most of his nights in your dorm doing whatever the hell you’d like him to do without complaint, distracts you when you’re freaking out, and most importantly keeps that snake as far away from you as possible.

-If he was being honest with himself, which was his whole thing, he didn’t really get your reaction to everything. 

-You’ve all been through this before, it's textbook at this point. A guy does some shady shit, a guy gets caught doing said shady shit, a guy overblots, and you defeat a guy with the power of friendship. Boom. Done.

-He’d get it more if you were completely alone, but grim and the octanivelle freaks were there! Kalim too, and he’s always seemed pretty nice. Not the best company, sure, but still you had people helping you out.

-When he looks at your face and sees how tired you are, he forgets the logical stuff. All he can hear are those horrific sobs you let out when you saw him and how you nearly ripped his uniform in half with how tightly you were holding him and Deuce.

-If that was too much for him, he can’t imagine how badly it must’ve felt for you. How bad it must still feel.

-So screw what he thinks, he’s gotta make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

-He doesn’t ask you how you’re feeling, he knows it's not good. He focuses on keeping your mind off of everything that might trigger you.

-Reroutes your paths to classes to avoid Jamil and Kalim completely. Sure it’s longer and more annoying, but it's better than you going dead silent and shutting him and everyone else out again.

-He does everything in his power and you’re doing so well… and then the VDC happens. 

-You’re given the title of manager and you’re forced to be around these people who terrify you. 

-Vil won’t budge on anything and sevens Ace wishes Rook would let him try out a little target practice with the (illegal) bow and arrows he’s got in his room.

-He keeps himself between you and Jamil at all costs. He won’t let Jamil bother you at all, not that he was trying in the first place.

-The real issue is Kalim, which sounds crazy, but it’s true.

-Kalim is so… forceful. A pretty strong word, but honestly the only one Ace can think to use.

-He’s really nice, really sweet, seriously such a good guy… but you’re still unsettled by him.

-There are several times during practices that Ace has to yell at him to just leave you alone.

-Sure, it gets him a pretty big scolding from Vil, but he couldn’t care less honestly. He doesn’t wanna risk you having a panic attack because Vil doesn’t wanna be a responsible leader.

-You confide in Ace a lot. How you really want to move past all this, but Crowley won’t provide you with any form of therapy, and you’re just not ready to forgive Jamil or Kalim for what happened.

-He won’t tell you this, but hearing you talk like this breaks his heart.

-You’re normally so strong, so brave, so confident… and now you’re absolutely broken.

-He’s proud of you for putting on a brave face to placate Vil, but he’s angry you have to.

-Surprisingly, though, you do begin to warm up to Kalim. Just a little. 

-It's only when Ace, Deuce, or Grim is around, but it's a really big step forward in his eyes.

-You’re getting back to where you used to be little by little.

-He still won’t give you or Jamil the chance to reconcile, but you honestly couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Deuce

-Deuce is incredibly different from Ace in how he handles everything.

-He’s a delinquent, sure, but he’s a Mama’s boy at heart. Therefore, he’s much more equipped to help you emotionally through all this than Ace.

-Where Ace is the harsh pushing force to keep you going, Deuce is the calm where you can rest and cry your heart out for as long as you need.

-As I mentioned, he makes sure you’re eating and drinking and at least speaking to someone.

-He asks Trey for recipes without leading on to what’s going on and asks Cater for advice on helping someone feel safe after a traumatic experience.

-It’s not subtle, but it helps.

-He handles making all your meals, even though he isn’t the best cook, he absolutely puts all his heart and soul into everything he makes.

-A good portion of his days are dedicated to cooking for you, and he gets pretty damn good at it by the time classes start up again!

-With Sam’s shop closed, he has to go into town to get the ingredients he needs, and then he has to spend hours preparing and serving the food.

-He watches you eat, encouraging you that everything is safe and that he made it all by himself by hand. 

-He doesn’t question why things ended up this way for you, he wonders how can I help?

-And he does help, a lot, more than just with food.

-Sometimes, late at night, he hears you crying alone in your room. He gets up from his own bed, quietly enters your room, and holds you and grim while you both tremble in fear.

-It makes him so mad. Mad that this happened to you. Mad that Jamil did this in the first place. Mad that he couldn’t help more than he already is. 

-Like Ace, he accompanies you to all your classes and makes sure to stay close to your side if any Scarabia students are around.

-He’ll go anywhere you need him to, and if you’re not comfortable being alone and he’s got plans, you’re invited to join him. No matter what anyone else thinks.

-Things get better little by little. You make strides in your ability to be independent again and you’re smiling and joking around like you used to. You even agreed to try out for the VDC with him and Ace… a big mistake.

-He didn’t expect to actually get in, let alone get in with Jamil and Kalim. If it were just that he could’ve been civil, but no, you had to be dragged in too… because that’s always how it works out.

-He has to hold himself from getting in Jamil’s face more than once because just him looking at you is enough to send you into a clear panic attack.

-Deuce does his best to comfort you between all of this, though. Being your shoulder to cry on and trying his best to be your protector… it's just hard. Hard to see you like that, and hard to keep his cool for your sake.

-It's worse with Kalim because both you and Deuce know he means well. You both know he wants to reconcile, but you’re not quite ready.

-Deuce helps the confrontation with the two feel a bit easier though. He acts as a mediator between you and Kalim, and eventually, he’s proud to say he helped you trust Kalim just a little bit.

-Jamil… both of you could use some work, but Deuce is more willing to hear you out on him than Ace is.

Grim

-Grim was there with you the whole time. He understands the fear you’re feeling deeper than anyone else.

-He could just tell something was wrong the second he saw your face. Despite all the celebrations, he was focused on making sure you were at least a little okay.

-He tried to talk to you, tried to make you feel okay, but the only comfort he could offer you was letting you hold him while you cried.

-He could still hear your cries, and they made him want to cry too. He almost did, but he was your guard cat — he had to be strong for you.

-Unlike Ace and Deuce, he never left your side. Not a second. He was there with you from the moment you were unwittingly kidnapped to the sleepless nights in your dorm to the horror of finding out you’d have to work closely with Jamil for the VDC.

-He made his distaste for him very known, sure to make a snarky comment at least once every time he saw him. 

-It was so bad, at one point, that Vil had to give him a stern talking to. He didn’t stop regardless.

-You are Grim’s best friend, the only family he has, and Jamil hurt you in unspeakable ways. He couldn’t just sit back and be okay with that.

-He’s really such a good guy.

Kalim

-Kalim means well. With his whole heart, he has the best intentions… just not the best execution.

-See, he didn’t notice initially that anything was really wrong the whole time.

-He didn’t suspect Jamil at all. In fact, he thought that you were really enjoying your stay in Scarabia, you seemed so happy and chatty up until Jamil flipped things on their head.

-Call him air-headed, but he was caught up in his own whirlwind of emotions at the time. You know, the whole betrayal of his supposed best friend took a toll on him too.

-It wasn’t until you were sobbing your throat raw that he realized something was really wrong.

-The look of sheer terror on your face when you made eye contact with him sent shivers up his spine.

-He knew that look. He’d worn that look on his own face too many times as a young child.

-Believe it or not, without Jamil’s intervention, he knew to keep his distance. He knew he had to give you time to adjust.

-Then a few days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a little over a month, and he had hardly seen you around campus.

-You are avoiding your normal route to class, and when he did see you he was also greeted by the harsh glares of your good friends.

-He understood if you’d never want to talk to him ever again, honestly. He couldn’t blame you. You were more headstrong than him, after all.

-Still, when the VDC came around… he was hopeful. Truly he was hoping that something would give.

-He would talk to you in hopes of showing you that he meant no harm, but Ace or Deuce or even Grim would shove their way between the two of you.

-Several times Jamil had to tell him to knock it off because “It’s not worth forcing.”

-Still, he wanted you to know he felt bad. He felt horrible.

-In a very un-Kalim-like move, he quietly asks you if you can speak with him. Alone. But in a crowded enough area that you wouldn’t feel threatened.

-He didn’t expect you to accept it, he wouldn’t have blamed you at all. But you said yes. 

-You showed up, with Grim by your side, which was fine. He earned some apologies too.

-He poured his heart out to you, apologizing for things that he couldn’t even control. In turn, he listened to you rant about how scared you were, how angry you were, how you wished you were any of these things.

-And after that, things improved. Slowly, but surely. You became more comfortable around him, and you spoke to him again.

-Sure, you wouldn’t be caught dead at one of Scarabia’s parties, but you considered him a friend. 

-That’s all he could ask for.

Jamil

-Jamil is the monster in your story. 

-He’s the evil guy who kidnapped, manipulated and lied to you.

-He’s the one who used his misplaced anger as an excuse to hurt others.

-He’s the boogyman who made you endure days of long and hard training, just because he could.

-Of course, he felt bad. What he did was unspeakable, but he was more concerned with how his reputation would last after the overblot.

-More concerned with it not getting out for the safety of his family.

-Even with you sobbing, he just thought you were being dramatic in all honesty. You have a reputation already, he knew you’d been through this whole thing before.

-It didn’t really strike him how badly it affected you.

-He didn’t notice how you switched paths, how you were never in the same area as him for long, and the glares of your friends never once phased him.

-Even Ace’s snarky comments during basketball didn’t bother him for a second.

It wasn’t until he accidentally bumped into you in the hallway, and he saw the look on your face that he realized.

-The terror in your eyes, the way you shrunk back as if he would strike you. It was the same way his parents acted around the Asim’s.

-If he were a more insane man, he might’ve found it liberating, but it wasn’t.

-He had become what he hated to you, he had done what he hated to you. 

-Jamil was not only your monster, but he was his own.

-He steers clear of you and keeps as much distance as possible for both your sakes.

-He couldn’t handle someone looking at him like that, and he was sure you couldn’t handle the sight of him after what he did.

-Still, this is NRC, and luck is never on anyone's side here.

-Both of you are forced into a position where you cannot escape the other, you have to learn to live with the awful pits in your stomachs.

-He keeps Kalim away until you both are on good terms, then he simply watches quietly.

-He won’t apologize, he won’t antagonize, he won’t speak unless spoken to.

-You two never truly recover your small lasting friendship, but you do make amends with each other.

-During the trip to the scalding sands, you get to meet Najma, whom he’s confided in about ‘accidentally upsetting a classmate’.

-You get to have a good talk with her, and it makes you really realize some things about Jamil.

-You realize he’s just as broken as you, just as tired as you, and that he feels the most immense amount of guilt for hurting you.

-You, being you, find it in your soul to forgive him.

-Nothing really changes between you. The guilt is still there, and the fear still shakes you to your core, but you both have closure.

-In a situation like this, closure is the best grace a person can ever have.

[scarasbaefy]

lyney x assistant!reader hcs

note; can be read as gn reader, but "my lady" is used so be warned! no angst this time.. for now. this MIGHT end up foreshadowing a future post ;)

reblogs appreciated!!

★ lyney has a MAJOR crush on you, his assistant, and everyone knows it. like, he won’t try to hide it or anything.

“why should i try to hide my love? i’m not embarrassed, my lady.”

★ he gives me major chat noir vibes tbh. THE WAY HE SO OBVIOUSLY FLIRTS WITH YOU UGHSHD he’s NOT shy when it comes to you.

★ you try not to let his antics get in the way of your performance, but the chemistry you two have is the reason anyone goes to your shows these days. especially since charlotte hypes up the romance in her articles.

★ furina even attends your shows LMAO the relationship you and lyney have makes everything interesting and cute. everyone gets giddy tehe

★ takes a flower out from his sleeve at the start of the show if you're his assistant for the night and gifts it to you. he claims it is for good luck, but lynette rolls her eyes since she knows he's just using it as an excuse.

★ during the performance, he finds ways to be cheeky with you. he’ll wink at you and gently grab your hand and hold your waist as he walks you towards the prop. he smirks as he does so too, making you flustered.

“everyone in the audience! please tell my dear assistant there's NO need to be so nervous. we’ve known each other for a long time, i won’t bite! just trust me~”

★ when the show is over and it's time to bow, he will grab your hand and kiss it before the curtains have the chance to close.

★ the audience cheers loudly and chant “ENCORE!” because of how charming the magician is with you.

★ charlotte WILL end up writing about the whole thing in the steambird for the 10000th time. “DATING OR JUST AN ACT?”

★ YOU don’t even know if it's all an act to get more engagement, or if he really does like you. after all, he has never outright confessed behind the scenes. better to be safe than sorry…

©scarasbaefy 2023 do not copy, edit, or post my work on any platform.

[yunieful]

distant touch

self-loathing!reader finally makes a reappearance. may become known as nonhuman!reader or something. i'm working on it.

tags: autistic reader, self-loathing, mentions of death (no one dies it's just the concept), you sure aren't really human, sylus is featured this time yay, i'm so sorry but your backstory will get worse, there's some foreshadowing here already, mc/reader if u squint, named mc, you are once again confused how friendship works, that trope where no one can touch you because blank, your evol matches a certain LI, idk if it means anything yet, idk if anything means anything tbh word count: 4.5k

a/n: it sure is a fucking mess and wasn't beta read but you better like it- /s

Everyone finding you wrong leads to one thing kids are truly well-known for.

Bullying.

Sometimes you cried, even screamed in their faces once that you didn’t deserve the treatment. That never stopped it completely, but you spooked them that day. It’s one of the few moments you’re proud of in your dark life.

Anything considered different is usually wrong, and that includes things like any other race or species that isn’t human.

You’re not too sure what you are, but you’ve known since you were young to hide and pretend you’re human.

The ones that bullied you certainly tested your patience. You were tempted to reveal your true form, to make them finally back off and hide in terror. However, you certainly didn’t want to draw any unnecessary attention. Maybe someone would take you away and experiment on you.

Just the thought of that makes you sneer in disgust.

You only wanted to be left alone.

Until now, apparently.

Shut. Up!

But out of so many reasons for it not being a good idea, there is one that will always remind you why this must be your life. To hate, to be feared, to be hated, to be alone.

Sometimes civilians would give hunters things as thanks for saving them. Said hunters encouraged citizens to not do that. It’s not like they’re the actual law of this world, but it’s just a sense of professionalism to not accept extravagant gifts in case it’s really just some bribe or something.

Yet nothing can be said when it comes to flowers.

Your blood thins and ices over as you stop some ways from your desk.

There, in its loud, petaled beauty, is a bouquet of flowers.

“What the fuck,” you whisper harshly. Your steps are fast and quick, eyes darting back and forth in suspicion before fumbling for the card next to said bouquet.

Turns out it had been a thank you from someone you and Melody had saved the other day. You both just happened to be grocery shopping when Wanderers attacked. No big deal.

Except, these flowers mean more than anyone could know.

Your gloved hands tremble when inching towards some daisies that are part of the arrangement.

“Aw, how sweet. Who are those from?”

Immediately, you bring your hand back, and you look to find Tara. Someone who has never bothered interacting with you until Melody started to.

The smile on her face is so bright, almost too bright. You have to look away and focus hard on something else.

“Oh, just some civilian Melody and I saved a couple of days ago.”

You don’t continue talking, and thankfully Tara takes it as the signal to leave. You just can’t be bothered sometimes to tell people something to end the conversation and claim it’s done on your end. You’d rather they figure it out and leave on their own.

Once no one is looking, you dare to reach forward again, a trembling finger inching closer and closer.

When it touches the daisy, the petals curl and darken, with the stem curving down.

Your teeth clench together behind a closed mouth. The hand belonging to the finger reaching out to the daisy curls tightly, shaking.

You grab the bouquet and dump it in the trash, along with the hopes you dare contain almost every time you do something like this.

They always wilt. They always die.

It’s the same tale for every living thing that touches you, clothed or not.

Death reaches them all.

And death has been your only companion for all these years.

And, soon, it will continue to be your only companion.

It’s only a matter of time.

Whatever god (or gods) were looking down at you, somehow—among the misery—they gave you the slightest bit of protection through your Evol.

If this could be considered your Evol…if this could be even considered “protection.”

Black and purple energy formed as thorns rose, bringing someone unimaginable pain. Enough to have someone back off and look at you as if you’re the one that did that to them.

You can’t always control them, from what you’ve discovered. They act of their own accord. Perhaps out of instinct. Whether it’s someone trying to harm you and you don’t have time to use your weapons against them, or they touch you when you don’t expect it or want it or even trying to save their life. They don’t always work—considering some people have just died still—but they keep you untouchable for the most part.

Growing up, your parents refused to let anyone know except teachers and principals. It’d be up to you at university on whether to tell your professors or not. The reasoning had been you’d have a panic attack if anyone touched you or got too close without your permission.

But you and your parents knew better.

Foster parents, specifically, but they were the only two people throughout your life that you didn’t hate (after a time). They adopted you eventually despite knowing the risks, and that’s all you needed to know that, for once, somewhere—you were wanted.

Everywhere else does not have that luxury. The opposite, really.

Always best to assume every place is not welcoming and never to get comfortable.

Not to mention every person would immediately be scared of you and not want to risk their lives.

Melody and Xavier have not found out so far, but it’s inevitable.

Which is why wanting to be in their company is so fucking stupid.

They always leave when they find out. Always.

You’re more trouble than you’re worth. There is absolutely nothing interesting about you to keep people around. You have no special qualities. There is nothing notable. Nothing that makes people go “I want that one to be my friend!” Add this entirely fucked up thing about you that you’d rather keep hidden than noted at any point eventually?

The only company you keep are darkness and shadows, besides death. And even then, they can only provide so much.

It’s always made you wonder if you were destined to be alone.

The N109 Zone is familiar with people like you.

They’re known to have no laws, filled with strife and conflict. Death follows somewhere in some corner. Envy follows another, with how much people want Protocores and the deals they can make with them. Everyone killing and hurting each other just for some fucking rock, when you think about it.

And yet, Melody wanted to come here all for one particular Protocore that people would drool at the mouth for. Just become completely and utterly feral, clawing over each other to the top.

Aether cores.

Well, at least she has you, for however long that will last.

Sometimes the N109 Zone is a safe haven for those not human. At least, for your kind anyway. As far as you know, the people rarely bother you, and they certainly never ask questions. The rumors of your kind granting death with just one look makes it scary enough.

Again, people will always be afraid of what’s different, wrong, not normal.

Usually you appear there out of your human disguise, to keep your hunter identity a secret. However, Melody had no idea why you were so familiar with the N109 Zone.

She didn’t know about your other job. (But is it really a job if a lot of times you don’t accept pay except from maybe one or two clients? And even then they force you to take the damn money?)

But she will have to know, because this is the price you pay for the familiarity of the word Onychinus.

They’re not just some dangerous organization that hunters need to be wary of.

“Huh, so this is what our little Zero is up to in their free time.”

He’s lucky to be able to say that while Melody is passed out from—whatever just happened.

You purse your lips and narrow your eyes at familiar, bright red orbs.

“Long time no see, Sylus.”

Zero.

Technically the number before one, but not everyone learns about it as a kid.

It’s nothing. Practically in the shape of an endless void, a blackhole leading to oblivion.

It felt like the perfect alias for the work you do around here.

“Interesting that she wasn’t dead.”

You scoff, human skin left behind for the creature you are, but you still purposely stick to any shadows you can find within the confines of this massive mansion.

“I don’t kill everyone I meet.” You cross your arms, leaning against the wall. “What’s this talk of ‘kindred spirits’?”

Sylus tilts his head in response, raising a brow. “Why does it matter to you? She a friend?”

You swallow thickly. “Yes and no.”

He lets out a laugh behind closed lips. “You could have left her to fend for herself. You didn’t have to come with her. So, you care about her.”

There is no denying it, not really. If you try to, he may make you look at his eye, and besides not wanting to admit your deepest desires—you also just don’t want to make actual eye contact. It’s horrifying.

“And she’s not just some Aether Core asset to you,” you remark. “Clearly we both have things we don’t want to admit. So, fuck off.” The words aren’t really aggressive. Just a clear cut warning to tell Sylus to not try and dig deeper into this, and it wouldn’t be the first time either.

Maybe someone else would be afraid to tell the leader of Onychinus to fuck off or shut up, but there are worst things to fear than some criminal lord being pissed at you.

The edge of Sylus’s lip twitches, and you swear for a moment you catch contempt, but it’s gone in a blink. Either way, you don’t question it, but you know you hit a nerve. “I’ll be here for the time being until whatever you need done with her gets done.” After a beat, you sneer, “But if you harm her, I don’t care if I can’t kill you. I can make you wish you were dead.”

He doesn’t look the least bit bothered or scared by those words. But you know he’s acknowledged them, because he nods to you. “Maybe I’ll have work for you soon.”

You scoff. “Don’t force me to accept your payment again.”

He smirks.

You roll your eyes dramatically. “Of course,” you say dryly, “I forgot who I was talking to.”

He’s trying to resonate with her.

And it’s not working in the slightest.

You wonder why. You’ve seen Sylus’ power in action. Practically unstoppable. He literally made a man explode in front of Melody when they met each other again.

Why does he need to resonate with her?

Holding the touch of death sometimes means you can sense when someone’s life wanes. Thankfully, you haven’t sensed anything of the sort in those three days (not what feels like the warmth of the sun and the beginnings of spring). Sometimes you are fulfilling other tasks made by the people of the N109 Zone that fit in your job description. Other times, you’re destroying the Wanderers that are slinking about, or something else that lingers in the shadows that little people can see. The ones that thrive since there’s no daytime here.

“Melody will expect me to be somewhere here. But I—”

Sylus waved you off, despite the conflicting emotions you feel. “I’ll just tell her I’m keeping you somewhere.”

Your eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What will that cost me?”

“Nothing.”

That answer was so easy, no trouble at all, and it just made you even more suspicious.

Sensing your suspicion, he sighs. “It’s none of my business whether she knows about this or not.” He gestures to you, likely referencing your true form. “But maybe you should tell her sooner than later.”

The thought filled you with sickening, deep dread. Yet you only nodded solemnly in reality.

“I know.”

It wouldn’t be difficult to tell her, right? There’s plenty of things that aren’t “normal,” especially after the Chronorift Catastrophe.

But you’ve been wrong about people before. That’s how you got here. Making so many mistakes in what you said, the “friends” you trusted, and overall poor judge of character.

Something deep, deep down in you, though, dared to say that Melody could be trusted. You two hadn’t been friends (such a scary word) for long, but she is the one who approached you. The way the both of you functioned as hunting partners, practically in sync, made you eager to work with her. How she’d always smile when seeing you, and it never seemed fake or forced. Moments where her mouth would open and close, something familiar yet unfamiliar spotted in her eyes, and then she’d give a smile that could light the sun before waving goodbye.

And you’d miss her.

That’s why the other side of you is nothing but a tight ball of dread at the thought of her hating you. Just like all the others. Looking at you with disgust, claiming you’re nothing—that you’re wrong, a curse—misfortune following you wherever you go.

But it’s best to get it out of the way soon, so that things can go back to the way they were at the Hunters Association. With absolutely no one approaching you or bothering you, and leaving you alone.

Alone.

You used Kieran and Luke to send any messages you could. Just anything to say that Sylus wasn’t treating you badly at all. He literally can’t even touch me. There’s always his Evol, but he’s never bothered with you. Some part of you wondered if the jobs you took in the N109 Zone earned his respect, as well as the very few times you’ve worked with him personally.

“You’re okay!”

You immediately slide back when Melody tries to hug you, but you don’t hesitate to examine her where possible to make sure she wasn’t harmed at all. She frowns, but she lets her arms fall while you shrug.

“I don’t like hugs. You know that.”

Thank fuck I changed back to this before she saw me.

Something would’ve maybe poked her or bumped into her, and you really didn’t want to tell her the truth. You just weren’t ready yet.

She clicks her tongue. “I know. But I was really hoping for once you’d let me on this special occasion!” Her gaze softens. “I thought Sylus was doing awful things to you, before those two gave me your message.”

You raise a brow. “When did they do that?”

“Just before I threatened them to let me out.”

You blink a few times, before nodding slowly. “You could have left whenever, from that room.”

She gives that signature roll of her eyes and exasperated look before saying, “Well, I didn’t know!” Her eyes narrow at you. “Actually, how are you so…okay with this?”

“Caw-caw!”

Oh, you can tell from that exact tone Mephisto is laughing at you.

You glare at the bird out of the corner of your eye, while Melody walks over to it. “Whoa, what’s this?” Before continuing, she points a finger at you and frowns. “I still want an answer.”

“I’ve been through worse.”

Really, that’s your reasoning?

“Worse?” It sounds like Melody can’t comprehend that’s the answer you’re going with either.

“Has he actually harmed you?” You’re sure she hasn’t been, but it’s a good time to ask just to be sure.

She takes a moment to consider this, before shaking her head. “No. In fact, I—I was the one to harm him.”

Oh.

That explains the briefest of moments you felt someone’s life wane that didn’t seem like Melody’s. Something else that was dark but calm, fierce but also gentle, covered in red and black all over.

That’s the best you could describe it. It’s hard to explain, but you can sense people’s…auras, but you know that’s something your people can do too. It’s not an Evol you have.

“Dare I ask exactly what happened?”

Melody’s answer is quick and fast before you can even consider the possibility of thinking no, I don’t want to know what happened actually. “I shot him straight in the heart with a gun.”

You blink slowly. “I…see.”

“And then he just…healed. Like nothing happened.”

You turn slowly to look at Mephisto, who you swear is mirroring your gaze. The kind where you both aren’t surprised at all, which also means you have no idea how to react to this.

“Well,” you come up with lamely, “you’re a good shot.”

Even she’s pouting and waving you off. “That’s all you have to say? Not, ‘He can do that?’ Or like, ‘Oh my god, how could you do that to him?’ Not—” she pauses, and you dare to glance in her general direction to unfortunately spot something like realization in her face.

“Wait.”

Uh oh.

“You know Sylus, don’t you?”

Shit.

“That’s why you were able to get me into the N109 Zone so easily!” Melody gasps loudly and dramatically before whispering as if she’s discovered a conspiracy, “You two are in cahoots.”

You don’t know if it’s better she knows about this than what you do here, what you really are, and why things like hugs are such a strong dislike to you.

You kind of want to dissipate into nothingness, throw yourself into the void, when you spot the strange Cheshire grin growing on Melody’s face.

“Is that why you’re so secretive and keep to yourself? Because you’re working for a crime lord?”

How and why is she connecting these dots so fast?

“Oh my god, does he make you kill people?”

If you were drinking anything, you’d have given the ugliest snort before choking on it.

“How can you work with someone like that?”

You have to stop her before she starts badgering you with more questions. “Melody, let’s just say I’ve done him some favors. He considers me useful.” At least, you hope so, given he hasn’t tried to kill you himself.

Melody’s brows furrow. “And somehow the Hunters Association knows nothing about this?”

“Whatever they know won’t hurt them.” As her eyes widen, you sigh and shake your head. “I am always a hunter first and foremost, Melody. Everything else is just…extra content.” You say the last two words as a very quiet mutter.

She heard you, though, given how she snorts.

“Alright, I trust you.” Why? “Now let’s get out of here. We’ll find another way to track down that Aether Core.”

Now it’s your turn to say, “Wait.”

She stops before even taking a step away from you.

“I know Sylus seems like the worst option right now, but he’s not.” And what is your reasoning? That he’s having a bad day? You don’t even know why he’s been trying to resonate with Melody, treating her roughly (which you unfortunately only discovered a little while ago, so you couldn’t chew out Sylus).

All you know is that she seems important. That Sylus and Melody are “kindred spirits.”

Well, that and she doesn’t seem to remember anything.

Remember what?

“You sound so sure,” Melody’s voice brings you out of your thoughts. “Alright,” she sounds reluctant, but also soft, “what’s your reasoning?”

That has you blinking dumbly. “You’re…willing to listen to me?”

You’re far too used to people disregarding what you say. To never take you seriously. To not even consider you’re telling the truth about something. They just ignore you.

Yet Melody is keeping her attention fully on you that you really have to look away, no pretend eye-contact can save you right now.

“Of course.” Just like Sylus, her answer to something like that is quick and swift, not giving it a second thought. “You’re my partner.” She stumbles, glancing quickly back and forth before looking back to you. “My friend.”

You don’t take note of how, in a rare moment, she’s a little flustered. You’re far too stunned someone’s giving you their full attention and willing to listen to you and willing to believe you—

You shake your head and force yourself to get a grip.

“My reasoning is that he’s the leader of Onychinus. No one messes with him. Everyone’s afraid of him, and if they aren’t—they’ll learn to be. You’ve seen his Evol in action. He’s unstoppable.” Melody frowns, but she’s nodding slowly to what you’re saying. “So what if he’s a criminal? Things aren’t always that simple.”

“Maybe they are,” Melody whispers to you, her expression grave. “I think—I think he’s the one who killed my family.”

Is that why there’d be rare moments you’d catch Sylus irritated, running a hand over his face, brows furrowed tight? Was she giving him a hard time past the judgment of him being the big bad leader of Onychinus?

“Think about it, Melody, what would be his motive?” She stares at you in confusion. “If you’re thinking it’s for your Aether Core, I doubt he had that information before that night. You told me you barely found out not too long ago yourself. Besides,” your voice becomes low, sharp, dangerous, “he wouldn’t set up a trap and run off. He’d rather see to it himself.”

Something in her eyes shifts when she’s looking at you, you realize. You dare to look, dare to be known and perceived, and you find—

You’re not entirely sure. Awe, perhaps? As to why, you haven’t a clue. You were just telling your fellow hunter what you thought. Your honest opinion of Sylus.

“It’s more likely someone set him up to take the fall,” you whisper. Yet it feels like it echoes in these long halls somehow.

Melody blinks, and you focus on her forehead instead, so you’d stop trying to search in her eyes. “How did you meet Sylus?”

Your mind darkens as you remember how you two first met. Desperation led you to him, revenge requested his help, and caution set the price. In the end, death found you again, and you were left with a void and endless tears. Sylus peered into that void, unblinking, red eyes glittering, and somehow he knew. The understanding in his eyes was undoubtedly clear. He knew why you did what you did, and an unspeakable agreement forged between shadows and crimson.

Such an innocent question for her to ask, but the answer is dark and wounded. A wound that feels like it still refuses to close, and you’ve tried hard to not let it fester still, after all this time.

“I asked him for a favor,” you settle on. Your throat has dried, so your voice is hoarse. You quickly clear said throat and brush off Melody’s concerned gaze. “He provided. And people need help here, especially with Wanderers.” More like if something else happens, something that shouldn’t rise from the shadows.

But some do request your specific touch, in a literal sense. You decide how it’s done, though, sometimes ignoring the client's request of “the touch of death.”

Sylus has only asked this of you once or twice. Any other times he finds it “a bother to do it himself,” he’ll ask you to do the killing any way you like.

You rarely go to his place, though, and you two haven’t been in contact with one another recently. Your boundaries were strict anyway. He wasn’t allowed to contact you through your phone. You requested Mephisto send messages, keep it old fashioned. And that’s if he really needed you.

He’s never been considered a friend to you. Just a contact you had for the N109 Zone. The entire reason you were able to get Melody here in the first place. (Didn’t stop others from hijacking the plan, but Sylus found them eventually.)

But with how Melody has been treating you, you dare to wonder—

Is he a friend? An acquaintance? A companion?

Anytime you come back into contact with him, you don’t feel immediate disgust or some itch to get away as soon as possible. Ever since that favor, you see that he understands you. You’re not sure how, as he seems to be the type who is like, “You must be at relationship number 5 to unlock my backstory.” But he has told you, at least once, that he understands what it’s like for others to consider you a monster with just one look.

No pity, like you would have expected. Never looked down on you, never considered you lesser. This monster he met was his equal and would stay so.

“Caw-caw!”

You glance over at Mephisto, raising a brow. “He wants to see the both of us?” You figured that Sylus would only want to see Melody.

She seems just as surprised. “Wait, did he know I was trying to escape?”

You snort. “You weren’t going to make it out the door even if I hadn’t stopped you.”

“I could’ve!”

That has you laugh, just the littlest bit. “Not without me,” you dared to joke.

“Well, that’s true.”

You stiffen entirely, almost biting hard on the inside of your cheek. What?

This woman may be the death of you, and that means something to someone is so intimate with death.

“What?” Melody has no idea why you’re so gobsmacked. “It is true! I wasn’t going to leave without you. We’re in this together, right?”

Slowly, you nod, hearing the squeak of your gloves from how tightly you're clenching your hands into fists. “Right.”

And, even in a place like this, her smile shines. Towards you.

Are you truly deserving of such warmth?

Despite what she’s gone through, she still has a smile, just for you.

So earnest, so strange.

Mephisto takes it as a sign to start flying off, while you take the lead to find Sylus, with Melody walking next to you. Out of habit, you make sure the two of you aren’t close, but she sure likes to test you sometimes with the proximity.

“You really enjoy testing someone’s patience, huh?” you ask with a grumble.

Despite everything going on, she giggles softly next to you. “Yeah, of course! Your annoyed look is kinda cute.”

As if summoning it, you give her an irritated look, realize what you did, and scoff. “You’re a menace,” you seethe, but there’s the smallest of smiles tugging on the corners of your lips.

“Ha, Sylus is the real menace here.” That you couldn’t really argue with. You don’t know the full details, but if Melody shot him…he probably deserved that. Idiot.

You open the door, sending her a glance. “I’ll go in first.” Is it to protect Melody and sort of put a wall between her and Sylus? …No one could prove it.

At the end of all this, you and Sylus were going to need to have a conversation.

The kind where he didn’t get to be the one to see past the void. You needed permission to see past that pretty face and wade through the crimson.

You dared to hope you wouldn’t be involved in this, at least not that much involved.

Far too late for that now.

[blackkatmagic]

Hi, I’ve been going through your stuff on AO3 (rereading some faves and checking out ones I hadn’t read yet) and just really wanted to thank you for rewarding your readers if that makes sense. Every big reveal feels perfectly foreshadowed and going back you can follow the threads to get there, sometimes even before the reveal. After dealing with so much media that goes for the “shocking twist” vs what makes sense it just makes reading them all the more delightful.

That is so good to hear tbh!! I really hate "twists" that are only there for shock value, so I try really hard to set everything up as consistently as possible, and I'm glad it makes sense. ❤️

[lol-jackles]

Tbh we can fight all day about what “fans” were saying about who’s “stealing the spotlight” cause what matters now is who’s making better moves and that’s jensen. Y’all are so stuck in the past, writing essays abt what fans were saying from 10+ years ago and what your fav was doing 15+ years ago like who the hell cares????. Jared is simply not relevant anymore and he hasn’t since like the early 2010s. Jensen, who’s still stuck at B-C list is at least keeping his name in the public eye by going out for more diverse roles. Jared is relentlessly trying to force one specific image onto himself by going out for these roles that give nothing to his filmography and keep him from staying popular. You can come up all the ways to say Jensen is not taking good roles but cmon even you know that’s not true. Before he was on the brink of fading into irrelevance but he was fortunate enough to get the Soldier Boy which practically saved his career. What has Jared done of any real significance in the last 5 years since spn ended but a dog shit cancelled cw show and now a new formulaic doctor show (still texas centered)

Jared makes more money than all the SPN actors put together, yes that includes Jensen, during SPN and post-SPN.  I say Jared is still relevant because he's able to command nice salaries from CBS, which includes his executive producer title.

Not surprised to see the "2010" fixation.  Readers, I'll explain later.

So have you chided the AAs and Hellers for being stuck in the past?  No?  Yeah I thought so.  Though to be fair the AAs are always rewriting history so you would have some difficulties telling AAs to stop getting stuck in the past because which past? The 15th AU version or the delusion found in the 8th dimension?

It's always the same pattern with people like you when the silent majority isn't being silent, and then you won't say squat to the loud obnoxious fringers.  It reminds me of the "nice" Destiel shippers who keep telling non-shippers not to engage with hellers and to just stay quiet.  It's easy to see that the agenda of the "nice" shippers was to make their ship appear relevant because silence gets interpreted as agreement.

Readers, you know why AAs are so fixated on the 2010?  Because they thought season 5 was the turning point of Supernatural becoming Dean-focused and Jensen will finally get the spotlight and be on his way to a Marvel red carpet career while Jared is relegated to the has-been category.  Except that didn't happen.  Season 5 foreshadowed the season 10 debacle and the following respective season return to Sam-focused/Bi-Bro leaning formula and save the series.  

Jensen's career trajectory would have been fine without Solder Boy.  He got the Big Sky role and debuted Beau Arlen in May before Soldier Boy's debut in June.  It was Big Sky that helped him land a guest/recurring role on Tracker.  What Jensen has going for him is he is a good networker.

As always, you AAs are projecting your worst quality onto others.  As usual, you pretend that Jensen has all of Jared's best qualities, including his career.  Remember when AAs tried to claim that CBS first offered Walker to Jensen?  Yeah that was funny.  Spoiler alert, that's not how the industry works.

[ghosttownheart]

I might be wrong, but I thought you were an Elriel at some point. If so, I’m curious on what changed your mind (I’m not really that invested in the Elain situation rn, but I prefer Elucien)

I have actually never really been pro-elriel, but I can see where you might've gotten that because I was friends with so many pro-elriel readers. They just tended to be the only ones in the fandom that were actually pro-ic, rhys, and feyre.

My perspective on elriel has always been that Azriel has a similar obsession with Elain that he had with Mor. He ventures after women he cannot obtain because he doesn't want to actually look in on himself and address the darkness that he lets consume him.

They have never actually been comfortable around one another, and truthfully, they seem to almost want to get away as soon as possible.

If Azriel's whole "my hands will taint her innocence and purity because I am dark and broody" didn't tell me that this man is not right for her, then the "I deserve the third sister" did.

Before reading acosf, I was begrudgingly indifferent to the Elriel pairing because they were so... boring? To me they gave extreme brother+sister vibes.

What really sold Elucien for me specifically was when I read the scene in which Elain cut herself on a rose bush, and Feyre noted that if Elain had been wearing the gloves Lucien had gifted her then she wouldn't have gotten hurt. Then Azriel coincidentally gifts her a rose necklace - symbolizing that he is the representation of the 'harm' that will be inflicted upon Elain, and Lucien will act as her support.

I love the foreshadowing tbh.

------------------------------------------

[calico-cows]

Dracula Daily thoughts, from a new reader

day 1

Jonathan Harker has very little spice tolerance (go white boy go)

he’s a good boyfriend, assuming he’s getting recipes for Mina because she likes to cook/try new foods

this chapter made me hungry

i should’ve expected the orientalism tbh

day 2

Foreshadowing go brr!!

[diodellet]

try wishing for it: magical girl au ~author's note~

warning for: Puella Magi Madoka Magica spoilers and more yandere headcanoning

Read the fanfic first before you spoil yourself on my rambling 😇

I did not expect to be able to transition from draft to posting that quickly for a fic of this length (or maybe it just felt faster because the stars aligned for my motivation and brainworms to work together? who knows)

Will I ever continue this AU? Maybe if I get clubbed in the head by more Scarabia brainworms, I might write oneshots/short scenes, but I don’t see myself writing for any of the other twst charas.

Anyways onto the ramblings galore:

Inspirations:

The verse that the fic’s title is ripped from goes: “Saying, ‘it’s like magic!’ / immersed in this sensation, even if I try wishing for it, / I know it’s nothing but playing with dolls //” (tl credits to Releska).

Tbh, analyzing poetry/song lyrics isn’t my biggest strength, but I know that Mahou Shoujo, as a genre, tends to touch on themes of adolescence like innocence vs. jadedness in the face of the real world and its many issues, just stepping into and growing out of adolescence as one of those uncomfortable transitions in life.

Stepping into young adulthood is scary, and most people my age don’t even know what the hell they’re doing. So for Reader, I gave them that highschooler-trying-to-be-capable-and-mature persona, with a tinge of anxieties that a young person would have.

*I’ll elaborate more on the Puella Magi inspirations in a later section, but yes, that was also a major inspiration for this fic

Vagueness:

Compared to my usual long-winded writing style, this fic ended up a bit more short and ambiugous in its prose. Partially because I didn’t want to procrastinate on writing this by rewatching my favorite Mahou Shoujo franchises.

(but also mainly because partial aphantasia lets gooo, detailed visuals are not my strong suit, I’m leaving Reader’s outfit and weapon blank for people to insert anything they’d like)

I mainly wanted to emphasize the character moments between Reader and Kyubey!Scarabia, which ended up becoming more conflicting and interesting than I initially drafted.

(It helps that Jamil is a shady guy, he set up the foreshadowing on his own. Kalim on the other hand, my god, maybe it's just me but I had a harder time characterizing. Why is he so loud and friendly, it makes his manipulation so much more covert grr)

Gold (and Red, I guess):

I lied, there was one visual aspect I wanted to highlight throughout the story, which were Scarabia’s trademark colors of gold and red. Anything gold mentioned in the fic is traced back to them. So every moment of Kalim and Jamil using magic, Reader’s magic, the bangle that Jamil gifts them, the wraith in the beginning having a (formerly) gold collar. (I would've added a description of something gold on each wraith, but I didn't want to be too heavy-handed with the repetition.)

(yes i had thoughts of jamil just giving them a golden collar…but ooo…held off on that instead, it could be a standalone what-if scenario…a corruption arc premise…ooo…someone remind me about this, i might forget)

I also mention jamil++the color red in this fic because I had to put Snake Whisper in, I can’t not 🙈

(that bit of kalim’s healing magic was me trying to make a reference to Oasis Maker, it feels a bit scuffed to me, but i don't think he’d ever get the urge to drown the world. truly sunshine boy's such a covert yandere it almost made me tear my hair out)

Kyubey!Scarabia, Some Difficulties and Omissions:

In Puella Magi, the little satanspawn named Kyubey is actually short for “Incubator,” who hails from an alien civilization tasked with preventing the heat death of the universe. Turns out the emotions of teenage girls is a very potent energy source. So he turns girls into magical girls to fight Witches and when those magical girls succumb to despair, they become the very thing that they fight against, producing vast amounts of energy for them to use.

(Though I changed it from ‘Witches’ to ‘Wraiths’ for this fanfic. I also did away with the Witches’ Labyrinth to lessen the amount of exposition. I jus think Witches work better in a visual medium.)

Another standout characteristic of Kyubey is his eerie sense of apathy to the characters’ suffering, which was Difficult to incorporate into Kalim since that guy’s got buckets of empathy. Until I realized that i could spin this into a kind of “warped” love.

Kalim loved each and every magical girl that he’s worked with, and of course he gets sad that they eventually become a wraith. But as an Incubator, his grieving is more akin to a rich person feeling sad over the death of a pet. He’s very quick to turn his attention to the next shiny thing (that’s you/Reader! Ain’t that great!🥴)

Also @jessamine-rose gave me this hc of Kalim amassing little trinkets from every magical fighter, like a ribbon accessory or a piece of their wand, collecting these little charms. Just, the idea of him saying that he’ll cherish Reader’s own treasure, and the way that could go from reassuring to chilling. (now i’m spreading that hc to yall instead of pingponging it in my brain😇)

On the idea of Jamil and love, I think he just loves holding power over magical girls #MegalomaniacThingz (ignore that growing fondness in the fever scene, he was just playing the part of helpful familiar or sumn /shrug)

There's definitely room for some kind of intense fascination to reader, knowing that they surprised him with their resilience. Yeah sorta like Tokyo Mew Mew's Ichigo and Quiche...

(i was crying so hard at having to axe forehead kissies for the second time, but it was a necessary omission😔)

Misc. Extras:

As a palate cleanser, just imagine plush ball!jamil carrying a plastic bag twice his size… (i was struggling with the dialogue during that fever scene, this was how i kept myself from spiraling too far)

In line with the genie of the lamp story, Kyubey!Scarabia gets the three wishes for their magical girls, with the third wish eventually corrupting the magical girl into a wraith.

I guess the other dorms would have something unique for the magical girls that they create? (not having wi-fi for the past few days gave me some half-baked ideas)

Like Heartslabyul imposing a rigid set of rules on their magical girls, which are of course rigged against the inherently flawed nature of humans and their emotions.

Savanaclaw and Pomefiore are similar, you fight until you can’t. Or in Pome’s case, you fight until you become an unrecognizable monster.

I imagine that Octavinelle and Ignihyde are the most similar to the original Kyubey of Puella Magi. You make a wish, fight the wraiths, reap the consequences of a wish, and eventually succumb to the vicious system they have laid out. Only Octavinelle’s version is Sayaka Miki-core, while Ignihyde’s plays out like a video game-ified version of Hercules’ trials. (Also, Ignihyde deffo keeps a compendium of each magical girl and wraith).

For Diasomnia, it could kinda follow Sleeping Beauty's plot, where there's a curse that the magical girl has to work against, while being aided with blessings from the fairies/Malleus' retinue (tho in this case, i guess Malleus ends up being revealed as the one creating the wraiths?)

tl;dr: This fic was so fun to write, I can almost forgive the usual agonies that plague me. I'm a writer who heavily prefers soft worldbuilding. Scarabia makes me so ill.

tagging: @viperwhispered @twstgo

[anonymousdisco]

How’d I get Isikiad into Yandere Obey Me Chapter Eleven Part One-Tears, fears, and not so secret discussions

Three important things real quick to make things a bit more clear before we head to the story:

1-) November and December suck up any free time I have. This is due to things I have to do in my personal life that include family, my education, and my work. Because of this updates will be sporadic until mid December with the exception of Christmas. Which is slightly unfortunate because I love writing given it’s my passion.

2-) I’ve avoided using curse words in my writing till now, but I will be holding a poll soon to see if the majority of y’all don’t mind cause I don’t care either way.

3-) Just to let y’all know Reader Cannon Age in the story is going to be 17,998. This is because I headcannon that every thousand years is like one year to immortals, and I want the reader in the story to be just almost an adult which would be at eighteen thousand. But before entering the story the Reader was already an adult for a while so their treatment of her is going to cause her discomfort as someone who is mentally no longer a young almost adult.

The characters ages are as follows:

Barbatos: time itself tbh

Lucifer: 24,331

Diavolo: 24,451 (I feel like he and Lucifer are really close in age given their dynamic with each other, but Diavolo is just slightly older.)

Mammon: 23,302

Leviathan: 22,856

Satan: 22,560

Asmodeus: 21,985

Beelzebub: 21,005

Belphegore: 21,005

Simeon: 24,556

Luke: 10,115

Solomon: He lost track and doesn’t even bother with his age beyond 6000, but he’s considered an adult instead of a 6 year old equivalent given that he’s human and their lifespans aren’t supposed to be that long. He’ll always say he’s 6,000 and holding 😂.

Mephistopheles: 23,334 (he’s around 1,000 years younger than Diavolo because I’m sticking to the canon of him being born to be Diavolo’s friend/playmate for his parents status.)

Thirteen: a lady never tells her age but before she was a grim reaper I headcanon that she died at 25 as a human so still an adult.

Yuki: 16 nearing 17 (Yuki’s appearance btw will be based off of my MC as will her background story which will be revealed later on. I can’t wait to put her in the story cause I thrive on foreshadowing.

It’s also part of my headcanon for immortals like demons and angels to not really care about their age past the thousands part. So if someone asks their age they’ll say 23 instead of 23,560 because to them it makes more sense. Most don’t even celebrate their birthdays every year and only celebrate them when it seems to matter like every thousand years. The only exception to this is when their a figure of importance or of great respect. Then they celebrate every single year. This will be important later on so when introductions are eventually made soon, I hope this clears up any misunderstandings. Have a lovely day and enjoy the story!

(Y/N) POV:

I blinked slowly and struggled to sit up. Barbatos quickly assisted me carefully while chiding me. “Your still a bit weak, My Lady. Be careful.”

“Y-yes, Barbatos.” I stuttered out confused. His behavior was vastly more familiar than before. Just how well did this cliche work?! I told Glitch mentally to prepare a status update for me.

“Where are my Brothers?” I hesitated for a moment acting a bit shy. “Are they… here?” I let my shoulder droop a bit in an act of disappointment not seeing them near.

“Your brothers are nearby. They have taken a moment to rest while waiting for you to wake up. It’s quite late at night.” He gathered a blanket from a linen closet and wrapped it around my shoulders. “Here bundle up, My Lady.” He then walked over to the fireplace checking over the fire.

I sat there staring, just feeling genuinely confused. Those sedatives really did a number on me I suppose since my cognitive ability is still waking up. I could tell I felt stronger though. Where before I felt like glass I now felt more sturdy.

“I will inform the others of your change in condition.” Barbatos bowed before leaving.

“A competent butler is truly something else…” I mumbled. “He knows exactly what to do so fast.” 

“Status update prepared.” Glitch announced popping into existence in front of me.

I read the screen carefully as discreetly as I could. It seems like this worked better than I bargained for. I never realized they had a savior complex. But then again they always seemed to call the player in the game human as if they’re weak no matter how strong they showed they are so I suppose it makes sense. They must need to perceive someone they care about as weaker than them, and it appears I have officially stolen that spot. What will happen to the game timeline now? Did I girl boss my way too close to the sun…?

The uncertainty made me tremble. Till now things have been completely under my control. I knew this was necessary for me to do as a step towards my end goal but still… I felt panic grip my heart. Panic attacks were no stranger to me. Before I died I used to have them all the time. But it felt like ages ago compared to all I had achieved till now.

(Panic attack described below based off of ones I’m used to. Everyone reacts differently to different levels of panic attacks. I’m just going to describe how I’m familiar with one. I want to add a warning in case anyone finds this triggering to not read till my next note.)

I felt like there was cement gripping my heart in my chest shrinking it smaller. My vision felt glassy and my cheeks felt wet. Was I crying? I don’t understand. I feel like I can’t move but I’m clearly shaking. I saw drops of water hitting the blanket I was gripping in a death grip. Ah, so I am crying. Why won’t it stop, why won’t the shaking stop? I want to be small, I feel too big… How’s my mind so calm when I’m freaking out so much?! Why won’t my body listen to me?! I’m still in control so just listen!

I felt someone grip me in a vice grip. Something dark covered my vision. It felt soft and warm. I’m so cold, why am I so cold? I slowly realized I heard sobbing. It sounded like someone was grasping for breath. Was that… me? Why won’t my lungs take in oxygen? I’m telling them to. I clutched whoever was holding me. It felt nice now that I got over the initial shock and fear of being suddenly held. After a while the shaking subsided and I was only hiccuping a bit from all the crying.

(The description is over so it’s safe to read from here if panic attacks being described triggers you. I hope this helped you avoid it if you wanted to.)

Hands stroked my head still slowly as a quite comforting chirp of sorts sounded from whoever it was. I looked up slightly with puffy eyes. “B-big b-brother…?” I gripped him tighter. “Y-your here?” I felt shocked. I hadn’t expected anyone to show up after being updated.

“Yes, I’m here. We all are.” Lucifer lifted his wings from around me as he chirped comfortingly. Cooing to me in reassurement as he held me tighter. “What’s wrong little one? Who scared you?”

“N-no one, Lucifer.” They all gave me doubting looks and I shrunk down a bit.

“It’s okay, you're not in trouble. Just tell us who caused you to have a panic attack. We just want to talk to them.” Satan's smile as he reassured me was scary. It didn’t seem like it’d be a simple talk at all.

I looked down in embarrassment. “No one caused it. I w-was just alone, a-and got scared.” Tears pricked my eyes. Of course I couldn’t tell them the truth. At least Glitch protected me from Diavolo’s gift to see lies. And I wasn’t even really lying, just not telling the whole truth.

“Oh, Darling, don’t worry we’re all here now.” Asmodeus said as he held one of my hands soothingly. “It’s late. Why don’t you cozy up and get comfy. You have a big, big day tomorrow.” His tone was almost patronizing the way he talked as if I was a little kid when I clearly was not. I was too tired after my panic attack to protest though as they all tucked me in.

“I’m sorry, My Lady. I should’ve realized you would be scared to be left alone. I have no words to describe my regret now.” Barbatos apologized, bowing in regret. “My incompetence is unforgivable.”

“It’s alright.” I mumble half asleep. “You didn’t do it on purpose.” I yawned as all my brothers kissed my forehead one by one saying goodnight.

Lucifer POV:

I held (Y/N) in my arms carefully while she slept. A brief argument had broken out in the hall over who would be the one to do so, but I put an end to it immediately. Tomorrow it will be Mammons turn, and it will eventually start over after Belphie’s.

I stroked her hair lightly, still cooing a bit to her in comfort. I can’t believe out of all the things I didn’t notice, I never noticed she suffered from panic attacks. I still remember all the nights I spent helping my brother with their ptsd from the celestial war. Those seven thousand years we spent fighting our own kind only to fail, and end up what we were taught to hate and despise… It messed us up, and we were all adults. What must it have done to a small child?

The pain of the fall, the feeling of being ripped apart and unmade, and the horror of being in what we thought would be a land full of beings who would kill us on sight… Even just the smell of the blood we were drenched in from after the fall. She was three thousand at the time. Did she even know what it all meant?

My grip tightened causing her to shift in her sleep. I shushed her gently back to settling. She must be exhausted from the sedative still.

(Honestly this is the most I can post right now. I really wish I could post more, but my life involves more than writing unfortunately. 😭 Even though it’s Sunday I still have so much left to do today lol.)

Next Chapter:

https://www.tumblr.com/anonymousdisco/768592135177027584/howd-i-get-isikiad-into-yandere-obey-me-chapter?source=share

[vampiricalxdata]

Exodus

06x08 reactions

june being so affected by nick is hopeful

serena is so delusional lmao

“june and I are besties even though she was kind of a bitch to me for reasons that are unclear. it’s okay though I gave as good as I got *wink wink*”

june is being conspicuous as hell per usual

aw yes lydia scream june’s name for all to hear. can no one hear her or is everyone ignoring her atp lol probably the latter

june walked by nick and him turning?? maybe his heart really does glow for her

I keep waiting to find out lydia is in on the scheme but we literally haven’t seen her turn yet. maybe that’ll be more her arc in testaments

bell sending them a handmaid?!

“run and don’t ever come back” you’ve gotta be more covert than that

“I am a good man…” “you can’t be. you’re a commander.”

okay so the pessimist in me reads that as the imminent downfall for nick. commander ≠ good guy.

but the reader in me sees it as a foreshadowing. this episode is all about roles Gilead requires people to play. roles made clear by the colors they wear.

serena — a Wife.

nick — a Commander.

and serena makes it clear. she has no issue with being a wife. but she won’t be a Wife anymore. she won’t accept the role she’s been assigned anymore. she’s drawn a line of distinction. she wants to be good.

and you can’t be both at the same time.

and neither can nick. the days of existing with a foot on both sides is over.

serena is defying Gilead out loud. all that’s left is nick.

HE LET HER LEAVE? oh dude’s gonna try snd kill her fr. she better get her ass to rita tuello x serena endgame

idk why I thought those were bombs and not cake

unless…

that was funnier in my head.

idc I’m a sucker for the overhead red mob shots every time

it’s like a fucked up madeline formation

I miss alma and brianna *sobs*

ohh girls you left your little crucible caps on smh

bell being obsessed with marble checks out

get his ass june

an eye for janine. good for her

janine’s little thanks im sobbing

MOIRA SIT DOWN I CANT LOSE YOU

lydia rn

this guardian not shooting anyone is the most unrealistic thing happening here. surely he must be in on it right?

the dialogue is a little heavy handed but I rly liked the line:

Is there a god that would empower a woman like you to stand up for us? To arc toward the light and to finally declare enough?

cue janine reveal

I do appreciate we’re not letting lydia off the hook. like you can’t erase what you’ve done but there’s still a path for you. it’s really tying into the show’s whole theme of the “transformative nature of love”

though it does really solidify serena’s redemption as inevitable (and nick’s too). bc if lydia can get out, anyone can

the guardian is definitely in on it

GOOOD NO ONE DOES IT LIKE ANN DOWD

okay we deserve at least a 30 sec shot of janine and the girls going out and having a good time like june promised on the bridge

overall I’m hopeful. it feels like all our major players are being released from the clutches of gilead. and tbh 2 episodes might be enough to do it

[myokk]

HOLA! ❤️ First of all, dropping some kudos because I love you and your art so much (basically my blog can be your side blog too at this point!) ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Second, from the character ask, I'd like to know about 3,4 and 20 for both Eloise and Leo 😁

Hope you have a wonderful day/night!

HOLA MI ITALIANA FAVORITA💓​ I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR ALL OF THE YAPPING I'M ABOUT TO DO🤭​ will this get you to finally visit me🥺​

I'm going to answer these for Eloise SINCE I already did 3 for Leo & I have someone asking me about 4 for Leo as well🥺💓

3) What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?

This is a tricky answer…just bc my evil gremlin mc in the game has NOTHING to do with Eloise in my writing. I guess I would say her name? I was just thinking of what would be the most British sounding name I could think of when I started playing in December🙂‍↕️

But then my imagination took hold of me…I started thinking about Eloise’s backstory…and when I thought of how all of her family dynamics/how she grew up would influence her personality I started to be really dissatisfied with the game and the lack of choice we have while playing. SO I gave up on the game completely after the restricted section quest and started to use my free time to write my fic in January🥹🫶 but her backstory, personality, and role in my story are definitely the most interesting things about her to me!!

Bonus: my first ever drawings of her in January!!! Bad quality bc it’s an insta story screenshot😆💓 (I redid one for my fic🤭)

4) And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?

Hmmmmm😭😭 I think her personality is what I struggled with the most and continue to struggle with as I write!!!! I always want her to feel like a *real* person with flaws, but ALSO convey to the reader why they should love her as much as I do. I think I’m successful bc I get comments/messages a lot from people telling me how much she resonates with them (and she’s some people’s favorite???😳💘) but I STILL CANT HELP BUT FEEL INSECURE ABOUT IT !!! It’s so hard sometimes keeping in mind how she is and how she thinks, and I never want her to be wishy-washy or doing things out of character for her. It’s a fun challenge but a challenge😭💓 (also her appearance changes like crazy in my art but whatever I’m learning😆)

20) bonus: share any additional thoughts, art, favorite scenes, anything you’ve been waiting for a chance to ramble about.

DES YOU REALLY WANTED ME TO YAP WHEN YOU SENT THIS MESSAGE😆😆😆😆😆

I really, REALLY want to yap about the foreshadowing and scenes I’m working towards in my fic BUT IVE ONLY TALKED TO LIKE ONE OR TWO PEOPLR ABOUT MY PLANS ( @choccy-milky & @kay9leo 🤭🤭) AND I DONT WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING EVEN THOUGH I DONT HAVE MANY READERS😆😆😆😆😆😆😆 maybe in the future…

This is me redrawing the chess scene from my fic bc I’m really dissatisfied with how Seb looks in the original (he’s probably my LEAST FAVORITE TO DRAW BC IT’S IMPOSSIBLE !!!!!!!)

And ummmm….hmmm Eloise is DEFINITELY not a self-insert character to me, but I DID give her aspects of myself. Things like…we have the same birthday (January 31) and eye color (dark green), and I tend to overthink a lot and can be in my own head maybe too much, but I’m ALSO a lot more assertive and gremlin than she is😆😆😆😆 I love the fact that she’s so soft and sweet💓💓💓 & I just want to wrap her up in a big hug and never let go of her🥺🤲

(Imelda is my self-insert tbh…and this moment in my fic was ME😤:

At the sight of Imelda's worried face her throat contracted - Eloise found she couldn't speak - and she burst into tears again. They were rolling, hot and salty, down her cheeks and she hid her crumpled face back into the crooks of her arms. Imelda immediately wrapped her arms around Eloise, and she melted into her friend's embrace. Hands gently stroking her hair as she cried and cried and cried, murmurs whispered in soft Spanish to the top of her head.

She was overwhelmed, desolate, lonely.

I feel really bad for Eloise at this point in her story, but I also find it really interesting to keep poking her to see when she finally snaps and decides that she NEEDS to stand up for herself and what she wants. She hasn’t quite realized that she’s the only one who’s ultimately in charge of her life & I’m really really enjoying watching her become the person she’s meant to be🥹🫶🥹🫶

[sarcastic-sketches]

Kida reads all of the EDA's (mostly)

PART 1 Books #1 - 15

I started writing down my impressions of each of the books as I finished them, including the dates of when I finished them and any screencaps I took of my favroutie bits and then just ... kept doing it. I am not a fast reader by any means but these books have me hooked right now so I wanted to keep a record of my progress. [Part 2 - #16-30]

I'm using this EDA reccommendation list as a rough guide for which books I should absolutely not bother with and to brace myself for what I'm about to get into, so let's go~

#1 The Eight Doctors

25th November 2024 I honestly don't remember much of Eights shenanigans with his former selves since I'm writing this retroactively, and I vaguely put the timey whimey bullshit down to a metaphor for learning yourself over again. But I DO remember finding the events in 1997 funny. Not even 10 minutes since he landed in Totters lane and he'd incapacitated four drug dealers and then promptly got arrested for having said drugs in his possession (literally in his hand) just as the cops turned up. He does an excellent job driving the investigators around the fucking bend, once again proving to be the most annoying mf you will ever meet on any given planet he happens to be on at the time.

#2 Vampire Science

4th December 2024 This book is hysterical for a plot that has multiple people considering offing themselves at one point or other throughout the book. It also highlights that this incarnation is silmultaneously far more 'human' with his emotional availability as well how alien he is for Not Realising what he is doing.

Also shout out to these scenes in particular:

TARDIS gf confirmed

Fred the Eternal Snail we salute you

The idea that he has pet bats that he casually just grabs out of the air tickles me

Just this entire segment honestly. Eight is three years (?) into his new regen and has no idea his Charisma stat is that high. He used to have to actually do stuff before. Now he seems to do it by accident and honestly? That might just have worse consequences.

Really enjoyed the dialogue and characterisations, also the narrative had a personality too which I always enjoy.

#3 Bodysnatchers

25th December 2024 This was a bit of a slog to get through for me (as you can probably tell from the timestamp) as everything seemed to happen in the last 50 pages, but MAN Eight cannot catch a break even when they are trying to do the right thing for the right reasons. Very gorey scenes towards the end (not a complaint) but the environment descriptions were often oddly ... overly complex? I feel like it tried to give so much detail to describe the alien settings that often times it just became a jumbled mess. I struggled to actually picture the scene in my head most of the time.

#4 Genocide

27th December 2024 Despite the name, much more enjoyable read than the last one and kept a steady pace throughout. Bit disappointed they didn't lean more into the horror shit of finding Homo Sapien bones in an era far too early for them, only to find another has appeared retroactively since the last time the site was visited. But that just wasn't the story that was intended to be told, alas. Jo Grant appearance was nice though! I love former companions meeting later versions of The Doctor.

These can't possibly have any bearing on future events, right? Foreshadowing, what's that? -chuckles nervously-

#5 War of the Daleks

29th December 2024

I, ironically, forgor that this was mentioned as one to skip, but I got through it ok. The whole plotline of the Thals becoming warrior like because of the Doctor's interferance way back when he was One and more hands on (we don't talk about the Fire of Rome) was juicy.

This is Sams first encounter with the Daleks and man she is not having a good time between battling teenage hormones or the pepper pots tbh. Though, could do with less of clearly adult men eyeing up a seventeen year old as a viable target for flirting. I also got pretty sick of the 'yet another plot twist' pretty quick after the first 3... and we weren't done by a long shot.

(I can see why this was listed as a skip orz)

#6 Alien Bodies

2nd January 2025

Oooooh it's a biggy. I didn't go into this reading list completley blind and I knew this was a big hit and I can see why. This one kicks off with the Third Doctor giving Laika a funeral and burying her and WAAAAAAA - I immediately start crying whenever thinking about Laika.

The body horror in this one is superb, also I love seeing how shit scared the rest of the universe is of the Doctor - this is where the rumblings of war start and the hints of certain Sam related plot points I know will be coming up later get seeded.

(picturing the potential future of Time Lords as giant bat people is kinda cool ngl)

(Oh, Eight, buddy I am so sorry about what's lined up for you)

('hyperactive even as a corpse' shut up, I say, as I laugh to myself)

There's also bits in here that could tie in well with the Timeless Child backstory if you wanted to retroactively put them together which I just think is neat to consider:

#7 Kursaal

5th January 2024 Man oh man I loved this one. It had a fantastic start with a scene at the beginning right out of Dog Soldiers (one of my fave horror/sci-fi films of all time), only for the Doctor and Sam to stumble upon all the carnage and near immediately decide they need to get the fuck outta there. Do not investigate, do not pass Go, just hit the bricks. And it didn't stop there, the horror elements were played so well in my opinion and was all over a fun read. Was surprised more wasn't made of the green figure we see described in the mural of the central location this book is written around, seeing as Eight wears green all the time and later Sam gets given some green scrubs. Maybe it was implied somewhere and I just missed it (would not put it passed me).

The Doctor actually showing he can BE a Doctor with a medical degree and all apparently. Despite Eight's (reasonable) fear of Hospitals.

(Eight canonically being traumatised by his experience in American Healthcare hospital is such a good take. He's holding back the flashbacks by the skin of his teeth)

Also carrying on his tradition of Grand Theft Auto only this time he stole a cop car and then masterfully dodged said cops. Phenomenal.

(I want more bitchy Eight)

Sam was excellent in this book, still written believably as a teenager but still given the space to show initiative of her own.

#8 Option Lock

9th January 2025 Have I mentioned how funny Sam is? She's hysterical.

The two seemingly completely related plot lines running in parallel at the start reminded me of The Monks episode in Twelves era, flashing between the pyramid and the growing lab incident. Then it gave me vibes similar to the Apocalypse serial from American Horror Story what with the secret society all working behind the scenes though for very different reasons.

Also someone please help this autistic man, they are not thriving

(Honestly same)

#9 Longest Day

25th January 2024 Again, from the timestamp you can probably guess how this one is gonna go. This one wins the record of introducing a character within the opening pages of the first chapter that I quite happily saw die and Sam is once again subject to the rampant sexism that pervades the entire cosmos apparently?? Sci-Fi of the 90s I guess...

This was another book that took me an age to get through because it just didn't keep my attention that well. Characters doing actions. Characters I don't really feel emotionally invested in one way or another, which is just as well. Sam and The Doctor are now separated through no agency of their own.

There were some fun passages though:

Eight is such an asshole, I laughed so hard at this exchange, I love them

Wasn't The Doctor's tutor Borusa?

As introductions go, this one's fairly efficient

#10 Legacy of the Daleks

25th January 2025 From what I'd seen it was best to skip this one (especially since Susans family situation gets retconned in the audios, which I've already listened to) so I skimmed it for Susan and Eight interactions... of which there weren't any. It doesn't progress Eight's search for Sam either. He picks up a kitten at the end thats about it as far as continuity goes.

This section got me though, I can hear the sass that Nine will weild later to lethal effect

#11 Dreamstone

26th January 2025 This was a fun one, mostly for all the different characters and how interesting they all were. I kind of predicted where they were going with the crystals and thought they could have done more with them but, ultimately, this was a story about human nature not the stones really.

Sam really developed a lot in this story realising that making decisions isn't easy but making them for herself all the same. The Doctor is just good at making it look easy so people go with it. If you look confident about a decision people argue less and waste less time

#12 Seeing I

26th January 2025 Seeing I is here!! I'd heard good things about this one. I felt Sam was really trying to bite off more than she could chew but thats 17yr old pride for you. Only to fucking smash right out of the park and break through that barrier she'd been struggling with to become her own person. The Doctor once again weaponising his ability to be the most annoying mf on any given planet to get his way. At least, until his meddling came and bit him in the ass and bit him hard. The fact that he was still suffering from those consequences even after the event had passed was very good. Japser and Stewart mention <3

#13 Placebo Effect

Skipped.

#14 Vanderdekens Children

28th January 2025 I actually really liked this one. It turned into another sci-fi tropes I love to see but mostly the Messing With Gravity thing. It did remind me a little of Event Horizon, looking for faster than light travel by simply going from Point A to Point B without actually travelling anywhere only to not realise where the Point B might end up. Ships haunted as a result naturally. Then you find out why.

I do like The Doctor very obviously using hypnotism in this book to calm someone down and being utterly guileless about it too.

You can tell Sam's time away has done her the world of good, she's looking to The Doctor for direction less and less and trusting herself more.

Glad to see some things never change though

Ah yes, a scene familiar to anyone who has ever played or seen Alien: Isolation.

#15 Scarlette Empress

1st February 2025 Scarlette Empress is so far one of my favourites simply for the insights it gives us into each of the characters from their own mouths, right next to how they are perceived by the characters they are sharing space with. Actually, this whole book is kind of about challenging your perceptions of others and yourself. Huh.

These two sections were fascinating to me on how The Doctor perceives himself through the interactions of others. He's about 7 years into his current Eighth self and still working out who he is and I don't think that ever stops.

Old Empress who lived in a jar for thousands of years like a genie gets freed and, as my friend described it, 'Comes straight out of the jar hornier than god'

This guy has The Traumatic Experience With Spiders in one of his earlier lives and now needs back up. Sam is that person who gets the cup and a piece of card while The Doctor is standing on a chair - he doesn't want to kill it he just wants it away from him... Only to then befriend said Spider in the next few scenes because of course he does. Turns out it's half the size of Iris' double decker bus and bored as all hell.

[synthapostate]

The Capture: I read this book for the first time in the back of my dad’s car. “Oh boy,” I thought. “After that last book, I bet we’ll be in for a breather episode! Surely my beloved K.A. Applegate will give us something light and fun!”

Surely we must live in a universe created by a just and loving God. :)

- I'm Jake.

Just Jake. You don't need to know my last name, and I can't tell you, anyway. My story is full of small lies. I've changed people's names. I've changed the names of places. I've changed small details here and there.

But the big stuff is true.

All of it.

The Yeerks are here. On Earth. That is true.

The Yeerks have made Controllers of many humans. They have inserted their gross, sluglike bodies into people's brains, and made them into slaves - Controllers. That is true.

Controllers are everywhere. My town. Your town. Everywhere.

They can be anyone.

Haha, they sure can be anyone! That is true!

I actually haven’t reread this book since the first time, because. Well. As much as the ants got to me in the last book, this one is...just extremely upsetting. I don’t know how it’s going to hit me now, but I can pretty much guarantee my writing priorities are going to shift this week. Which direction remains to be seen.

(Later addendum: Turns out it hit me pretty damn hard, and my response was to repress and ignore! Which does sound like me tbh.)

- Tom. My brother. Could I destroy my own brother?

"You don't have to make that decision yet," I said aloud. "All you have to do now is try out this roach morph."

All I had to do now was become a cockroach.

First of all, dear god, this poor child is already working his way up to accepting that he may have no choice but to kill his big brother. And then on top of that he has to turn into a roach. I was terrified of cockroaches as a kid. Had a legit phobia. Couldn’t handle them. Reading this book, I decided I could never be an Animorph because I couldn’t handle touching a roach to acquire it. But the cockroach becomes one of their go-to spy morphs, and the more they turn into roaches and come to feel safety in the morph, the more comfortable I became with them. I still don’t like roaches, but thanks to Animorphs, I can now be in the same room as one without completely melting down.

I still don’t want them to touch me, though.

- I felt the last of my bones dissolve. I could actually hear it happening. My spine had been grinding as it shrank. Then, suddenly, I heard a squishy sound, as all my internal organs lost their bone support.

My skull melted away. It was the last sound I heard clearly, as my ears and human sense of hearing faded.

I was a bag of loose guts. Almost deaf. Half-blind, as my human eyes shrank and the lenses became distorted.

My exoskeleton got harder and stiffer and stronger. My wings, glossy and crisp, covered my back. They overlapped at the edges, like the metal plates of a suit of armor.

Extra legs suddenly sprouted from my chest. Only it wasn't exactly a chest anymore. I was a stunted, six-inch-long bug, with a few disintegrating strands of brown hair and shrunken, but still somewhat human, eyes.

This helped me get over my phobia…

- Her parents are both veterinarians and her dad runs the clinic as a way to help injured wild animals. Everything from seagulls to skunks. And Cassie helps with all the work, except for doing surgery. But I'll bet she could do that, too.

Foreshadowing! Every book has to repeat the introductions in case it’s a reader’s first time, and it’s fun to see which details come up depending on the narrator. They all always mention Cassie’s work at the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic, but only Jake harps this much on how amazing and capable and responsible and smart and strong and pretty she is.

- The Yeerks have a pretty good plan to infest more hosts in this book. They’ve gotten to several doctors, and now control a hospital. “You check in to have your tonsils out or to have a cast put on your broken arm. You check out as a Controller." Sometimes the Yeerks can be pretty stupid, because in the end these are still children’s books and the Animorphs have to have some kind of chance against them. But other times they are frighteningly competent, and going after hospital patients at their most vulnerable is one of those times. And the worst part is, Tom’s Yeerk seems to be the one running this show. And Visser Three doesn’t care to separate the Yeerk from the host.

- Rachel whistled softly. "If we succeed, Tom fails. If he fails, Visser Three may kill him."

"That's about the way it is, yeah," I said.

"So, what do we do?" Marco asked.

"We forget this mission," Cassie suggested.

"And leave the Yeerks in control of a hospital? A little factory for making Controllers?" I countered. "Why? Because my brother may be hurt?"

"Yes," Cassie said simply.

I hesitated. I wanted to agree. But how could I justify backing off for selfish reasons?

Cassie is always for taking the gentler option, even when it’s the wrong choice. Jake already knows that this is a sacrifice he may have to make. Maybe he gets his brother killed, but he’ll save hundreds of humans from infestation, and he’ll keep the Yeerks from gaining strength. But it’s not a decision he’s ready to make, so Marco gives him an out by suggesting they go in to gather information, and decide what to do about it once they know more about what’s going on. Jake is grateful for the reprieve, but it’s only temporary.

- "How long do you think this will take?" Rachel asked. She checked her watch. "I set the VCR for two of my favorite shows, but I forgot to tape the movie of the week."

"I'm taping it in case you miss it," Cassie said.

It’s the ‘90s!

- I wasn't sure if Ax knew Marco was being funny or not. Ax might have a very dry sense of humor. Or he might have no sense of humor at all. I hadn't figured it out yet.

Having read all the books from Ax’s POV, I don’t have an answer to this, but I do know KAA must have had a blast writing him.

- "This mission has two parts. One. We will use the front hospital to take involuntary hosts. I expect to be able to make two hundred new Controllers per Earth month. We will concentrate on police, broadcasters, writers, teachers, people in finance, and especially anyone in a position of political power."

A good plan. Also, this is their first encounter with Visser Three in human morph, and frankly, morphing human is more subtlety than I would have expected him to be capable of. (I’m joking, but barely.) Who is this morph, anyway? Who did he acquire? Did he blend DNA like Ax did, or did he just grab a guy?

- “In a few days, the governor of this state will have some minor surgery performed. His secretary is one of us, and she has steered him to our facility. He will check in for the minor surgery. When he checks out . . .he will belong to us."

<No,> Rachel gasped.

<What does it mean? What is a governor? Is this some sort of prince?> Ax asked.

<Yeah. A prince. The governor controls the state police,> I said. <And the National Guard. And the schools.>

<It's worse than that,> Rachel said grimly. <Don't you guys ever pay attention to politics?>

<What are you talking about?>

<Don't you know? Our governor is getting ready to run for president next year. A year from now there could be a Controller in the White House.>

Oh, okay. I forgot about this. The events of this book occur because. They need. To stop the existential threat to all human civilization. From taking the office of President of the United States.

It’s fine. JUST READ THE BOOK, SYNTH, IT’S FINE.

- Actually, less than fine. They’re spotted, Visser Three realizes they might be Andalites in morph, the stomping commences. The rest of the team escapes, but Jake gets blasted with bug spray. Thankfully, Tobias is just barely able to get him out.

- I was lying helpless on tar paper and gravel. My legs were twitching. My antennae waved insanely. I was twitching and jerking and losing all control over my roach body.

But the human me understood what was going on.

I was dying.

I had watched roaches die from poisoning. I had stood over them and thought, "Ha, serves you right."

Now it was me. Now it was my body that was failing. I was the one suffocating and jerking.

<Jake! You have to morph out of this. Do it! Concentrate!>

I knew he was right. It was the only way to stay alive. But it was so hard to focus when I was trapped inside a dying body.

JESUS CHRIST, DUDE. This is the scene that kept coming back to me later, when I wanted to melt down over a cockroach coming near me. KAA forced a wedge of empathy for insects directly into my brain, and I had to find a way to live with them just to avoid the cognitive dissonance.

- "What's going to be next Tuesday?"

Marco looked over my shoulder and then, very casually, around the hallway to make sure no one was close enough to overhear. "The governor. That's when he's going in the hospital. I'll bet you a hundred bucks it's for hemorrhoids." He grinned. "That's why it's kind of secret. No one is supposed to know."

"So, how do you know?"

"Well, we know from the meeting the other night that he's going, right? So all I had to do is find out what his schedule is going to be. Turns out it's no problem. I told them I was a reporter and they faxed me a copy."

Marco, you’re twelve! Thirteen, maybe. Was it this easy to pull a con in the ‘90s? I mean, maybe it was. This is not the only time Marco does this kind of thing.

- “I don't want to be a fly. I saw that movie. The Fly. Both versions. The old one, and the new one with Jeff Goldblum. I mean, a fly? A fly?"

"The movie. I forgot that movie," Cassie said.

She made a face. "The one where the guy has a tiny little human head stuck on a fly body and he's trapped in a spiderweb and he's going 'h-e-e-e-l-p m-e-e-e' in this little tiny voice? And that guy is so grossed out he just crushes him?"

This sounded great to me, so immediately after finishing this book I asked my dad if we could watch The Fly. He had the original on video, and was more than happy to show it to me. Coincidentally, the Jeff Goldblum version came on TV a few days later, so I stayed up late and watched that, too. Apparently, people find that movie the epitome of disgusting body horror, but I actually wasn’t bothered by it. Why would I be? I read Animorphs.

(Complete tangent: This week I came down with something that could potentially come with some really gross symptoms, so now my wife is calling me Brundlefly. Which really made my day!)

- Here's the thing about flies.

Being a fly is fun. It really is.

Turning into a fly . . . that is a whole different story.

I guess it's no big secret that I kind of like Cassie. I think she's really pretty. But when I saw these two huge, glittering, bulging, compound eyes come popping out of her eye sockets, I screamed.

I mean, I screamed like a baby.

Cassie’s amazing morphing talent is not up to the challenge of making a fly look cool.

- <Say one thing for flies. If you ever need to find poop, hire a fly.>

Turns out the Yeerk pool (a portable one they’ve put in a therapy Jacuzzi) smells very similar to poop. Lucky them.

- "What are you going to do?" Cassie asked.

"We came here to stop this sick operation, right? Well, wiping out a hundred or so Yeerks might be a good way to start. I'm going to hook this thing back together, and Jacuzzi these filthy creeps to death."

Jake...already has no problem murdering Yeerks while they’re helpless in their pool. Ax is fine with it, but it’s surprising that Cassie also doesn’t object. This is one of the few times she lets a war crime pass without comment.

- But all the while, in the back of my head, was this nagging feeling.

It couldn't be this easy.

Of course it couldn’t. They get caught, and Jake gets shot in the fucking head. Just a ricochet, not enough to kill him, but he’s knocked out for a second, and falls. Facedown in the Yeerk pool.

- When I woke I had two terrifying, overwhelming feelings. One was suffocation. I had breathed in a lungful of the liquid from the pool.

I came to, gasping and hacking and gagging. I was alive, but I could hardly breathe. Each breath was a struggle. I coughed and I think at one point I threw up.

The second feeling was of pain in my head. Pain like nothing I had ever even imagined before. It was like someone was drilling a hole in my ear, drilling straight into my brain.

I wanted to scream, but I was still choking. I was on my knees on the floor of the hospital room, wanting to cry from the pain and gasping for every half-breath of air.

Rachel takes charge while Jake is incapacitated, and they manage to escape with their lives. Jake is injured and disoriented, and barely able to mumble out that something is wrong with his head.

Marco thinks he’s feeling the aftereffects of being shot in the head.

He thinks wrong.

They fucking got him.

- Tobias landed on a branch overhead. <Is he okay?>

<I can't tell. He's alive. He's breathing. But it's like he's zoned out or something. We may have to take him to a doctor.>

I wanted to tell them both. To scream "They have me! They are inside me!" But I couldn't make my mouth move. It was like there was a roadblock. Like I could form the thoughts, give the order to my lips and tongue to speak, but the order never got there.

Haha, okay, I think this must be the source of my fascination with possession stories. The idea of a person trapped in their own body, helpless, watching something else play a part, and play it badly, but not so badly that anyone really notices. They watch, and they try and try to scream for help, but no one ever hears them, and no one will ever save them, because no one will ever know what’s happening to them. They hurt the people they love the most, they do things they would never do, and there’s nothing they can do to stop it. They wear themselves out fighting, but they can never win, and finally they lose all hope, and the other presence buries them so deep they can never find their way back out.

Throughout my childhood and into my twenties, I had recurring nightmares about trying to scream for help, but no one could hear me because I had no voice. I’m sure that doesn’t mean anything.

- <I am Temrash one-one-four,> the Yeerk said proudly. <Formerly Temrash two-five-two, of the Sulp Niar pool. I have been promoted. No doubt you are happy for me.>

Okay, I guess a Yeerk’s numbers do indicate rank. I retract my statement from my previous post. Unless this is a continuity error? I think this is contradicted later? But anyway, this is the Yeerk that was in Tom’s head, but his promotion means that he was about to be bumped up to something more fitting than some high school kid. Which, silver lining! Tom is now infested by a lower-ranked Yeerk and is less likely to be killed by Visser Three for failing to meet expectations.

- "As soon as we know Rachel and Ax are safe, we need to break up and go our separate ways," my mouth said.

The Yeerk was considering his next move. I could not "hear" his thoughts. But I could feel him using my brain. He was digging through my memory. Trying to learn quickly about the others.

He was using my brain. Using me.

I had to do something quick. Something to warn Cassie and Marco. Surely they would guess what was happening. They were the two people in the whole world who were closest to me.

Surely they would realize that I was no longer myself.

Wouldn't they?

(They would not.)

- <Forget resistance. It is futile. No host has ever overpowered a Yeerk. It is impossible.>

I felt a dark wave of terror wash over me. He was telling the truth. I knew he was. No host had ever defeated a Yeerk.

Resistance was futile.

Futile.

So there I am, eleven years old, reading this book and freaking out over the shocking turn my fun sci-fi series has taken, when I get to this page. And I have to stop, and take a breath, and go show my dad, because I did not know—and for all I knew, he didn’t either!—that you could intentionally make Star Trek references in your writing, without even saying it was a Star Trek reference! You could just do that! For fun!

Okay, back to the horror.

- In that split second, hatred revealed itself. A hatred that had crossed light years of space to play itself out on planet Earth.

<Andalite!> the Yeerk hissed silently. And in that one word I heard the same fury and contempt I heard whenever Ax said the word "Yeerk."

Only I heard it. The Yeerk did not say a thing.

But surprised, unaware, unprepared, he did curl my lip in an instinctive expression of revulsion.

It’s enough, thankfully. Ax, who doesn’t even know Jake that well, still knows enough that he doesn’t believe Jake would ever look at him that way. And he knows Jake fell into the pool. I stand by my statement that Ax is dumb as a rock, but the boy can put two and two together. Ax snaps his tail blade up to Jake’s throat and calls him a Controller, and in that moment, saves the human race.

Yeerks have to return to the pool every three days to feed. If they hold Jake for three days, they’ll know for sure. But the Yeerk, like a total asshole, points out that Jake has a family who will notice if he goes missing (“No offense, Tobias.”) They can’t hold him hostage for three days.

- I turned to Cassie. "Cassie, come on. Explain it to them."

Come on, Cassie, I thought. Come on, be hard for once. Don't feel for me. Don't be sweet, just this once.

And Cassie does feel for him. She is still sweet, emotional Cassie. But she doesn’t let that stop her from doing what has to be done.

- "Jake," Cassie said, looking into my eyes. "I know you're still in there. I know you're probably afraid. But we will get that thing out of your head, Jake. We will."

We now commence the three day hostage situation, with Jake tied to a chair in a shack in the woods, his friends standing guard over him, while Ax (in morph) impersonates him long enough to fool his parents.

Tom and his Yeerk will be more suspicious of Ax-as-Jake than his closest friends were of Jake-the-Controller before Ax alerted them to the situation, which is fucking chilling, but that comes later.

Sooooo…here’s where I stopped reading the book for a couple of weeks because it was stressing me out too much. I, an adult person, was temporarily defeated by a children’s book, and one this early in the series? Gotta get back in the saddle, man. Everything is fine.

- The Yeerk does a good job manipulating Jake’s friends, saying nice things for Cassie and holding her hand, telling Rachel she’s “too smart to really believe any of this,” undermining Tobias with digs at his lack of a stable family, thinking of ways to use Marco’s “interesting history” against him. Rachel is dug in at this point, and if Marco and Tobias have doubts they aren’t giving anything away, but Cassie does show signs of uncertainty. If he hadn’t given himself away with his cartoonish hatred of Andalites, he might have found his wedge. Fortunately, Temrash is a racist. And as Marco points out, the real Jake would have given up on trying to convince them he was human. He would be doing everything he could to help them cover up his absence for the next three days.

- <Ah, yes,> the Yeerk said, and laughed. <It shocks you that I can play your thoughts back for you. Your brain is no different to me than one of your primitive human computers. I open any file I like. I play any software. I use you. I own you. I dominate you. You are nothing anymore. Just an echo. Just a ghost haunting the machine of your own brain!>

<Yeah?> I managed to say. <Well, you're a screw-up who is tied up in a cabin in the woods. In three days, you're dead.>

<I won't be here three days,> he said.

It’s kind of sweet that Jake’s fantasy is of being a basketball player, with his parents and the girl he likes cheering him on, and his big brother giving him a hug after the game. It’s such a wholesome little dream, and it’s awful to see Temrash play it back just to hurt and mock him. Jake is such a good kid. He doesn’t deserve this. Not that anyone does, but—out of the whole team, he might be the most interesting one to get the infestation plot, because he is so ordinary. He doesn’t have any oversized bits of ego for the Yeerk to hook into. Rachel’s strength, Marco’s cleverness, and Cassie’s kindness all would have been things for Temrash to beat down— “You think you can use this to escape me? You’re pathetic!” But Jake already doesn’t think he’s anything special. All the Yeerk can find to hurt him with is a desire to be good at the sport he enjoys, and for a girl to like him and his family to be proud. And it does hurt him, for this thing in his head to see what he wants most, and to judge it as stupid and unimportant. But it's nice, to want something so simple. So normal. So human.

- <The great horned owl,> I said to the Yeerk.

<I can read your every thought, you don't need to tell me what it is,> the Yeerk snapped.

<Oh, but I enjoy telling you. It's a great horned owl. It flies without making a sound. Tobias watches them hunt sometimes. Tobias says they can hear a mouse burp from a hundred yards away. He says they can see a bug blink on a coal-black night.> I laughed silently in my corner of my own brain. I laughed at the Yeerk. <As far as that owl is concerned, you might as well have a spotlight on you.>

Yet again, this is written with such a sense of wonder! Animals are cool!

Also, fuck that Yeerk! Get your hits in however you can, kid. For morale.

- I reveled in his anger. It meant he was scared. It also meant something else. I could not control my arms or legs. I could not even keep my mind closed from him. But he could not stop my thoughts. He could not stop me from talking to him.

And I had the power to annoy him.

Get him, Jake!

- A human will fight even when he knows he can't win. Maybe our species is just a little crazy. But human history is full of cases where a handful of guys would fight an entire army. They'd get stomped, but they'd fight anyway.

That's not the way it is for Yeerks. They are ruthless. They will do anything, absolutely anything to win. But when the situation is impossible, totally impossible, they stop fighting. They figure that other Yeerks will carry on the fight for them.

Different ways of looking at your world.

We’ll come back to this!

- For the first time, the Yeerk broke his silence with the others and spoke as a Yeerk.

<If you kill me, you'll kill your friend, as well,> he warned.

<Yes,> Tobias said. <I know.>

<You won't do it.>

<Right from the start we have all said the same thing - better to die than be a Controller.> Tobias said. <But in any case, I don't need to kill you. I can simply put your eyes out. A blind falcon doesn't fly far.>

The Yeerk surrendered and demorphed.

And here, Tobias, the artistic, sensitive kid who used to be a magnet for bullies, shows how pragmatic and ruthless he can be. Living as a bird of prey is having its effect on him, for sure.

- The sun came up. Cassie stepped into the shack from the woods outside. She looked at me and nodded. "It's happening, isn't it?"

I wanted to answer, but even now, my voice was not my own.

Cassie came and sat down beside me. Beside us.

"Ax says this part is pretty rough. Just remember, when it's all over, I'll be here."

She slipped her hand into my hand. I could feel it. So could the Yeerk. But he did not reject this small bit of comfort, even though it was intended for me and not him.

Jake feels the Yeerk’s pain as he starves to death, surrounded by enemies, helpless and alone. It’s hard to pity the genocidal aliens bent on enslaving humanity, but when you spend three days with one of them and then have to watch him die in agony, maybe it changes the way you look at him, just a little bit.

- We all met at Cassie's barn. And I used her dad's cellular phone to call Tom at home. I went partly into a wolf morph before I did. Just enough to make the smallest changes.

Enough to change the shape of my mouth and tongue and throat. So that my voice would sound very different.

He picked it up on the third ring. "Yeah?"

"I have a message," I said in a thick, twisted voice that did not sound at all like me.

"What?" Tom asked.

"Don't give up, Tom. Don't ever give up."

I hung up before he could say anything.

"Do you think Tom . . . the real Tom . . . heard it?" Rachel asked.

"He heard," I answered.

I wondered if he would have the strength to hold on.

But I knew the answer. See, a part of my brother was in my own mind now. Along with echoes of a long-dead Hork-Bajir and a simple Gedd. And yes, even a bit of a Yeerk with dreams of glory.

Marco smiled his sardonic smile. "And is it true? Will we win?"

"This is a very complicated planet, Marco. That's what I hear, anyway. And it's a very strange universe. Anything could happen."

Weird emotional confession here: At my lowest moments in my early teens, I used to imagine myself as Tom. I felt like I should be putting myself in Jake's position, as the kid with a secret who was going to save the day. But what I wanted most was for someone who cared about me to tell me not to give up. Sometimes I imagined getting an encouraging phone call from Wolf Boy, and, I don't know. If Tom could keep going, then so could I.