#from the couple of songs i knew of theirs before i really thought of the cure and now as i get more into them i do even more

[a9saga]

tbt - luna sea - gravity // grasping at straws to call this song from when i was an infant a "throwback"

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

I Can See You | Spencer Reid

Add yourself to my taglist! | Here’s my masterlist!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: When Penelope's best friend comes to help out the BAU on a couple of cases, there's an immediate connection with the youngest of the team. After longing glances, soft touches and wild fantasies, the truth comes out accidentally. What is the resident genius going to do with that information?

Warnings: mention of serial killers and bombings, inappropriate thoughts

Author's note: I've wanted to write this one every single time I listened to the song but when @pastanest wrote it first, I was scared to do it too because that one is just too good (read it here)!! Anyways, hope y'all like this one, too :)

Words: 3K

Being Penelope Garcia’s best friend came with a lot of perks. Aside from it being impossible to ever be sad around her, it also came with the perk of doing the odd job at Quantico. We had met during her days as the Black Queen online and ever since, she had taught me all she knew about hacking and tech analysis. While she worked for the FBI, I worked across the yard at the Capitol as tech support. 

Her job was a little more tantalizing – sometimes more traumatizing – than mine. While I simply helped the employees with their technical issues, Penelope actually helped save people. 

And sometimes, she called for my help with a case whenever she figured everything would go so much faster with some helping hands and flexible fingers. 

The first time she had called me on a case, I didn’t even know what I was in for. She just told me to get to Quantico as soon as I possibly could, that it was a matter of life and death. So, I packed everything up, and rushed across the street to the FBI building. I didn’t even bother to tell my boss. I was certain Penelope’s boss would vouch for me and get me out of trouble, even though I had  never met him. 

“Thank you so much for coming, y/n/n,” said Penelope as she took me into a hug as soon as I burst through the front doors and into the hallway. 

“Penny, what’s happening? Are you okay?” I asked and held her at a short distance to inspect her for any injuries. 

She waved away my question. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said and grabbed my hand to drag me towards reception where I had to register. It wasn’t until after my bag had been inspected and I passed through security that she started to explain what was happening. “We’re working on this really tough case and though my dainty fingers are quick at tip tapping away on the keyboard, I’m gonna need your genius to get me the answers twice as fast.” 

On the way up to the sixth floor, she briefed me about the case, just so I was up to speed before we actually started. I was too distracted listening to her rambles that I didn’t even notice another person rushing through the hallway on our way from the elevators to her office. 

My shoulder bumped into theirs, causing me to stumble ever so slightly, but firm hands on my shoulders kept me from actually falling. “Oof, sorry!” The both of us apologized at the same time. 

What I didn’t expect to happen when I looked up at the person was being so taken aback by the beautiful pair of eyes that locked onto mine. The hazel orbs had tiny gold specks in them, making them look almost honey-colored. 

I was so distracted by his eyes, I didn’t catch Penelope’s mischievous smirk she would only get whenever she had expertly set me up with someone when we were out at a bar or a party. 

“Y/N/N, this is my wonderful colleague and resident genius, Spencer Reid. Reid, this is my almost-as-sexy-and-smart-as-me best friend, y/n y/l/n,” she introduced us as the guy – Spencer – retracted his hands from my shoulders, convinced I was steady enough on my feet. 

He offered me a smile that nearly wiped me off my feet again. “Hi, nice to meet you.” 

My lips curled into a smile that mirrored his. He didn’t offer his hand to shake, so I decided not to offer mine, either. “Ditto, Spencer,” I said instead, unable to tear my eyes away from his. 

“Okay,” Penelope then interrupted, “Enough chit-chat. We gotta go!” As I managed a quick wave at Spencer, my best friend pulled me along to her office where we settled behind her computer screens. While she explained how her system worked, my mind involuntarily drifted off to the disarming genius I met in the hallway. 

For hours, Penelope and I worked on the case together, taking turns in getting drinks and food to keep us nutritioned. We were discussing a list of potential UnSubs after we had finished our lunch and I was chewing on the straw of my Sprite when Spencer burst into the room. 

“Garcia, y/l/n, I’ve got something to narrow the search,” he said, causing my heart to flutter at how my last name sounded from his lips. He leaned between us, placing a piece of paper on the desk. His stomach was pressed against my shoulder whilst his arm brushed mine. 

A chill ran down my spine, but I remained poised, trying to be professional. “Those are the places he went to in the last twenty-four hours?” I asked, deducting the theory from the map in front of me. 

Spencer had drawn lines across the map, connecting at least five dots. “Uh-huh,” he hummed, then leaned in closer, his face right next to mine. “We were able to get these locations from the GPS of the rental car he used and ditched at the last murder site.” 

His breath felt hot against my skin, but it didn’t stop me from starting to tap away on the keyboard, trying to find any CCTV footage from any of the establishments in the neighborhood of those locations. Within seconds, I’d found some footage from a service station where the UnSub was seen leaving the shop. 

“Was this what you needed?” I asked sassily and turned my head to look at him. He was a lot closer than I anticipated him to be, my nose nearly grazed his cheek. Even up close he was pretty. 

He stood up straight again, much to my dismay, and offered me a shy smile. “Only if you can give me a name, too,” he told me. 

Raising my eyebrows challengingly, I turned back to the computer and ran the footage through Penelope’s software. Within seconds, I found a name, his age and address, which was someone on the list of suspects Penelope and I had been looking at for the past ten minutes. 

“Can you send that to the team?” he asked as he took out his phone, already dialing one of the team’s numbers. 

“Already did, pretty boy,” I smirked and watched as he walked away with a quick ‘thank you’ thrown over his shoulder towards us. When I turned back to Penelope, she looked at me with that teasing look she would only ever give me when she was about to give me shit. “What?” I asked. 

“Nothing,” she sang, though her face said something else entirely. 

I didn’t feel like getting into it. It wasn’t like I was going to see Spencer again. This was a one-time thing. Or at least, that was what I thought. It wasn’t until Penelope called me two weeks later with the same request. Even then I managed to stay somewhat professional around Spencer. 

But they didn’t leave it at two times. At least five more cases, I was asked to help Penelope out on. It didn’t bother me, at all. In fact, I actually enjoyed helping the BAU team on their cases. It gave me the opportunity to work together with my very best friend as well as secretly flirt with the young doctor. And, you know, learn something new and everything.

Every time I saw him, I could just imagine him pushing me against a wall and kissing me senseless. Every brush of the arm, every longing gaze we directed to one another. It all drove me completely insane, but there was not much I could do about it but sit back and act as professional as I possibly could. 

When we finished case number five, I was packing up my stuff and exited Penelope’s lair. My mind was still racing with the images I had seen about this gruesome case, but all of it seemingly cleared up when my eyes landed on the person standing at the very end of the hallway. 

“Oh, hi, Spencer,” I greeted with a smile as I approached him. 

He offered me that same knee-buckling smile. “Hi, y/n. I wanted to-uh, I wanted to check up on you. See if you were doing all right?” 

I wanted to push him against the wall and kiss his jaw. That man was the most considerate person alive and it was absolutely turning me on. Coughing, I recomposed myself. I couldn’t act upon these feelings building inside of me. 

“I am,” I said. “Though, I got to admit, this last case was a whole lot more brutal than the previous ones I helped on. It’s gonna haunt me for days.” I let out a chuckle, taking my eyes off him for a second. 

Spencer hummed. “Yeah, it, uh, it takes a while to get used to it.” 

“Do you ever get used to that?” 

Chuckling, Spencer shook his head. “No, not really…” 

A chuckle rolled off my lips too and for a moment, the two of us fell silent. It was a comfortable silence with the two of us just gazing into each other’s eyes as if we were under a spell. I knew that if I didn’t break eye contact, I would actually kiss him. 

“I, uh, I’m gonna go home,” I told him and finally tore my gaze off him. 

“Right,” he mumbled and turned towards the elevator. “You-uh, you want me to walk you to your car?” 

Eyes widening, I almost immediately let out a sharp, “No!” The moment he and I would’ve stepped out together, I would’ve jumped his bones. I coughed to recompose myself again. “No, I’m okay,” I repeated, softer this time. 

“Oh, okay,” Spencer nodded and stepped aside. “Well, I’ll, uh… I’ll see you another time then?” 

I offered him a smile. “Yeah, see you next time.” 

From the second I left the BAU, Spencer occupied my mind for the foreseeable future. Every corner I turned, every meal I had, every day I worked at my regular day job at the Capitol,... Spencer had taken over my mind and every fiber of my being. 

It had been a good week since I had last seen the BAU team, since I had last spoken to Spencer. I couldn’t focus at all. He was all I could think about to the point where I couldn’t even properly function. I had to do something about it. Even if it was just getting that feeling of frustration off my chest. 

That was why I had marched my way over to the BAU, went through the protocol at FBI security and clipped on my Visitor’s badge before trudging down to Penelope’s lair where I burst through the door without even knocking. She had given me the code to get in, so I didn’t have to knock. 

“Y/N? What are you–”

I ignored her and plopped down on the sofa with a groan. “I don’t know what to do anymore, Penny,” I told her defeatedly, resting my head back against the back of the sofa and looking up at the ceiling. 

“About what?” she asked. 

“Spencer, of course.” I didn’t catch Penelope’s wide-eyed look as I continued my tirade. “Unfortunately, I need him in a way that will defy the laws of space and time and set feminism back seventy years.” Rubbing my hands over my face, I rolled my head back to look at my best friend, who hadn’t given her unsolicited opinion immediately like she always did. 

That was when I saw the look of horror on her face. “Sugar plum,” she started, “Don’t be mad but…” My eyes landed on the device with the blinking red light behind her. She had been on a call and I could all but guess who was on that call. 

“No,” I muttered, my heart plummeting to my stomach and my cheeks heating up in embarrassment. “Don’t tell me –” 

Penelope pressed a button, putting her coworkers on speaker rather than through her headset. All I could hear was Derek’s and Emily’s giggles. “Wow, y/n,” came JJ’s voice, a bemused lilt in her tone. “I did not expect that coming from you.” 

I squeezed my eyes shut before rushing forward and pressing what I thought to be the mute button. “Why didn’t you mute us as soon as I came in?” I asked before starting to pace the length of the room, but didn’t give Penelope the chance to answer. “Now everyone knows and to make it all worse – Spencer now knows.” 

“Oh, mama, it’s not like we didn’t already know,” came Morgan’s voice through hiccups of laughter. 

“PENELOPE!” I screeched, realizing I hadn’t pressed the right button. 

With a simple shrug, Penelope turned to me. “Maybe it’s not so bad?” she tried and I just groaned in frustration before turning on my heel and leaving her lair. Now I had to debate whether to wait for Spencer to come back and explain everything to him or to just go home and never show my face here again. 

There wasn’t much of a chance for me to think about it because the team quickly filed back into the offices. As soon as my eyes landed on Spencer, I froze. Our eyes met and I could tell he wanted to tell me something, but there was a serial bomber to catch. Rather than leaving and going home, I decided to stick around and help Penelope. 

But before I could head over to Penelope’s lair, it was impossible to avoid the other’s relentless comments. Through a sea of giggles and quoting of what I had said to Penelope in confidence, I made my way through the bullpen, rolling my eyes. 

“I’m gonna get a cup of tea,” I told Penelope, getting up from my seat in her lair. “You want one?” 

“Yes, please, sugar,” she answered without taking her eyes off her screen. 

With a chuckle, I left the office and made my way to the break room where I put on the kettle for two cups of tea. While I busied myself picking out a flavor, my mind drifted off to what I could possibly say to Spencer if I ever got the chance. 

“Oh,” I heard the mumble behind me and when I turned around, I found Spencer in the doorway. “Hi.” He smiled a little awkwardly before making his way to the coffee pot. 

I returned the gesture. “Hi.” 

My eyes were trained on him while he poured the coffee and scribbled something down on a notepad beside him. My mind filtered through every possible word combination possible. I was so distracted, the click of the kettle turning off startled me. 

As I poured the hot water into two cups, Spencer placed a folded piece of paper in front of me on the counter and scurried away before I could possibly react. Curiosity rising within me, I unfolded the piece of paper, only to find “Meet me tonight” written in his scrawny handwriting. 

“That’s not vague at all,” I scoffed before pocketing it and continuing making the tea. Once the teabags were in, I made my way back to Penelope’s office, but not without one last glance at Spencer in the bullpen. Together with Derek and Emily, he was bent over a file on Emily’s desk. 

He seemingly felt my eyes on him as he, too, looked at me. Feeling my cheeks heat up underneath his gaze, I quickly looked away and rushed towards my best friend. I leaned my back against the door as soon as I shut it, trying to catch my breath. 

“What’s gotten into you, pumpkin?” Penelope asked when she saw the state of me. 

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, annoyed at myself that I let a man make me feel this way. “Not Spencer, unfortunately.” My best friend let out a loud cackle. “He gave me this note–” I placed her octopus mug in front of her before handing her the note. 

“That’s vague,” she mumbled, her brows furrowed. 

“Exactly what I thought,” I grumbled. “He was gone before I could even ask.” 

Penelope tsked before patting the chair that had been mine for the last couple of weeks. With a sigh, I plopped down carefully so as to not spill my hot tea. For the next hour, I tried to focus on the case more than on Spencer and what I was going to say to him. 

However, it was hard not to think about him. 

So, once the case was wrapped up, I packed up my stuff and went out to the hall where Spencer had waited for me merely a week ago. I didn’t even bother to say goodbye to Penelope as I would be seeing her soon anyway and she knew I had to do what I had to do. 

It took a couple of minutes before Spencer walked out of the bullpen, eyes focused on the phone in his hand. 

“‘Meet me tonight’?” I asked, capturing his attention. His honey eyes met mine, his lips twitching into a smile. “Could you be any more vague?” 

“Sorry,” he chuckled and chucked his phone into his pocket again. “I just–” he sighed, unable to finish his sentence. Another soft laugh rolled off his lips as he looked down to the squeaky-clean floor of the FBI Headquarters. He looked back up at me, his eyes tender and searching for something I didn’t even know. 

“What?”

Not even bothering to answer my question, Spencer grabbed my hand and tugged me into the closest room, which happened to be the family room. As soon as the door was shut, he pushed me against the wall by kissing me, his hands on my hips to hold me in place. 

“Does this set feminism back seventy years?” he asked between kisses to my lips and jaw. 

My toes curled and my stomach fluttered. This was all I had been dreaming of ever since I met him that first day. I had wanted him flush against me, fingers tangling up in my hair and his tongue warm against mine. 

“No,” I breathed while he worked his way down my neck in open-mouthed kisses. “But it does defy the laws of space and time.” 

The words seemingly set something animalistically off in Spencer as his kisses became hungrier and his hands roamed my body in ways I had never been touched before. He gave me enough to brag to Penelope about the next day. 

He gave me everything I had been dreaming of. 

Everything taglist: @calamitykaty@littlemissaddict @n0wornever @wanniiieeeee @unnowhatthisistbhbh

Criminal Minds Taglist: @boimlers-gonna-boim @samsbirks@tinaasthings @dysphoricsanity @love4lando @elenamoncada-ibarra @r-3dlips @magstheslayer @astess 

[cosyvelvetorchid]

Prompt: Buck and Tommy asking Maddie to be their surrogate.

I LOVED writing this one so much. I may actually add it to Ao3 as a oneshot.

I genuinely made myself cry at the end!

I hope you enjoy it! ❤️

It's funny how life works. You think you have a handle on things; that you know where things are headed, and then God, or the universe or something throws you a curveball. A big, giant, cruise ship shaped curveball, with enough power to turn your life completely upside down and give you exactly what you needed despite you having no idea you needed it.

Buck thought he would spend his whole life on the hamster wheel. The endless song and dance of dating, thinking he'd found someone he could be happy with, then they leave. And he loses enough couch.

Tommy had spent a lifetime hiding. Years of repressing who he was to protect himself. And when he finally came into his own and accepted who he was, it was too late. He'd resigned himself to the fact that he would be alone.

And then the captain of the 118 needs help and 2 people who - somehow despite having the job, the city they live in and people they know in common - had never actually met, flew into a hurricane together and everything changed.

Six months later they're sharing keys to eachothers homes.

One year and Buck is moving into Tommy's house.

And, 18 months in, when Tommy finally comes home from a month in the hospital - including 6 days in a coma where Buck thought he might actually lose the love of his life - after a helicopter crash, Buck barely makes it 5 minutes before proposing.

Two years and they're standing on Tommy's deck exchanging rings in front of everyone they love. They saw no point in waiting - they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.

Three years in and they want to take the next big step. This one, however, was the biggest. The most terrifying: a family.

They'd spoken to a couple of surrogacy agencies but something was missing. Somehow they made it all seem so clinical. A business transaction. On top of that, in their research they had come across some horror stories of surrogate parents wanting to keep the baby despite it not being genetically theirs.

They talked and talked and talked about what options they had. And then Buck had remember something Connor had said about the reason they chose him as a sperm doner - they wanted someone they knew.

The answer was quite simple really. It was asking the question that was going to be difficult.

Three years and four months in they're sat in Maddie and Chimneys living room, nerves vibrating through they're entire bodies waiting for Maddie to say something.

"What?"

"We want to know if you would consider being a surrogate for us." Buck repeated.

"I.. Buck... I.. that's..." Maddie couldn't quite process what was being asked.

"Look, you know that we've been talking to agencies and trying to find the right one and sure they seem all above board and I'm sure that we could eventually find someone to help us build our family. But then it hit me - there's nobody on earth I.. we would trust to grow and nurture our baby more than you. Maddie you're a wonderful mother and I know that if you did agree to this that he or she would be loved and cared for and protected so much while their growing." He stopped to take a big breath. "But, we know its a huge ask, and you have as much time as you need to think about-"

"Yes." Maddie interrupted.

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

Buck, Tommy and Chimney all sat forward to look at her.

"Evan, you are the most amazing little brother anybody could ever have. And you've been through so much in your life; so much pain and trauma and, all I ever wanted for you was to be happy. And then I found out you and my stupid husband were going to fly into a hurricane and I was so scared - and mad-" She added scowling at Chimney "-but you came back and not alone." She looked at Tommy fondly. "You found someone who makes you truly happy, and I have never been more proud or happy for you." She wiped a tear from her eye.

"So, if I can do this one thing for you, to make you even happier, then of course I will do it."

Buck wiped his own tears away that had started falling somewhere around the helicopter part.

"Really?" Buck said, not quite believing it. His chin was shaking and more tears threatened.

"Are you sure?" Tommy added. Maddie leant forward reaching out for each of their hands.

"I love you both. I'm sure."

Buck practically through himself at her, enveloping her into a hug.

"Thank you Maddie. For everything. My whole life."

"Hey I wanna get in on this." Tommy interrupted, gently peeling Buck from his sister so he could hug her.

"I don't know what else to say other than thank you. So so much."

Four years and 2 months in and they get the phone call. The bag has been packed by the door for weeks, the nursery decorated for a month and 2 men, wildly in love with other, who couldn't imagine life without the others existence, were on the way to meet they're baby.

***

They chose not to tell anybody that Maddie was in labour. They knew they would get nothing but an outpouring of love, but they wanted to spend a little while - even if it was only a few hours, thanks to Howard i cant keep a damn secret Han - after the baby was born to enjoy the moment as a family. However, there was one person Buck did call.

Bobby arrived at the hospital and sat in the labor and delivery waiting area. After a few minutes, Buck turns a corner; a tiny bundle in his arms wrapped in a pale yellow blanket. Bobby immediately walked over with a smile.

"Hey cap. I wanted to introduce you to someone.. meet our daughter - Brook Maddie Kinard."

Bobby stared at Buck for a moment, not quite fully comprehending what he had heard.

"Brook that.. that was my daughters name.."

"I know." Buck smiled softly. "We wanted to name her after you, and Bobby is a gender neutral name, but having two of you might get confusing, so we chose Brook instead. Is.. is that okay?"

Bobby's eyes filled with tears as he swallowed back the emotion.

"Yeah, kid. Yeah it's okay."

[mycenalucentipes]

Rekindle My Flames || Diluc x gn!reader

HI SO I also write Genshin :'D, figured I might post it here too. This is crossposted from ao3. Except thered, I'm for some reason mycenaLucentipes. So I'll probably change my name here to reflect that beceauseee mushrooms, anywayS =============================================

Summary: You’re depressed, but up until this one night, you had been amazing at masking and hiding it away. Diluc stumbles in on your dying flame and wants to help relight it.

All the passion for life is gone, minus your love for Diluc? The depression just…its a cloud of sadness that’s hard to escape

Just a short venting one-shot :’)

TW: Angst, depression, low will to live / implied suicidal thoughts, crying, cursing, generally sad depressing theme, but there is comfort ending : )

Word count: 1,966

a/n: I think I made it entirely gn this time. I hope so. I'm sorry if I messed up somewhere or if Diluc is ooc. But i feel like if he really loved someone romantically, I think he would be sweet and bashful and caring towards them.

Diluc was mad. 

Diluc was mad at himself.

How had he not noticed earlier? He could he not notice the love of his life suffering silently with so much pain?

His love shouldn’t need to bear that much pain in their heart. They didn’t deserve that, no. 

They deserved the shining stars, the flowing rivers, the ripest of all fruits, the whole universe. They deserved it all.

You were his star that guided him through the lonely world he created for himself. You were his everything. He swore his love for yet set his flames to blaze even brighter and more powerful than before. 

You are his everything. 

So how could he not notice?

Just a couple days ago, you casually strolled in Angel’s Share at 20:00 with the traveler and Paimon, humming your favorite song. No more than 15 minutes later came Kaeya and Venti stumbling towards the bar where you and travel sat. The atmosphere was a lively one that night. 

Upon your arrival, Diluc’s gaze followed you with gentle, tender eyes for his love. He began mixing your favorite drink before you even had to open your mouth. Once he finished yours and carefully slid it in front of you, he began mixing a cocktail up for the traveler. Although a bit wary of serving them alcohol, you assured him more than a dozen times that they were well over the age to start drinking. 

Your eyes lit up as you felt the cool drink glide down your throat. “Diluc, sweetflower! This is amazing! Whatever you’ve mixed into here, is really hitting the spot,” you cheered, holding your glass up with a large grin adorning your face. It was fruity, with a hint of mint among the blend. Diluc knew just how you liked it. He offered a soft small back as he tried not to blush at the compliment and the nickname. Oftentimes, you would give him random, sweet nicknames. 

As the night went on, he carefully observed you, happily singing and cheering along to whatever the drunken bard was playing. You, Kaeya, and Traveler had wrapped an arm around each other, swaying back and forth with a drink in hand. 

Looks can be deceiving. Didn’t anyone ever tell him that?

Every once in a while, he noticed your features go blank. Void of all emotion. Stuck in between a drunk Kaeya and tipsy traveler, your movements were lifeless, but your body still swayed with the other companions’ arms wrapped around your shoulders, and yours on theirs. 

“Dearest, are you alright? You look like a puppet hanging from our arms,” Kaeya would slur out when he noticed the weight on his shoulder increase. You would always snap back into reality with a smile and nod your head. It was enough to fool him. Surely if he wasn’t drunk, he might have noticed how your smile never met your eyes. 

Every once in a while, he noticed your entire demeanor go quiet. Spaced out and dissociated from reality. He wondered if you were okay, but didn’t know how to ask or he would be swept away by another customer.

From other previous times, he would notice a far off look in your features, empty eyes void of life. You always brushed it off as just being “tired”. He didn’t want to pry. 

Diluc was always a stoic man and didn’t appreciate others prying into his mind, so he was hesitant to prod you for more.  He was still learning to accept the help and comfort you so warmingly gave. For not being a pyro wielder, he swore that your soul was warmer than his would ever be. 

Until that one night. That one night where he found you. He’s thankful it wasn’t life threatening. But archons, his mind raced with all of the worst scenarios that could come. 

Diluc stirred in his sleep, wearily reaching out for your warmth that was no longer beside him. It was about 3 in the morning by now. Not finding you next him, Diluc was more alert now. He quickly sat up, breathing turning short as he frantically looked around the bedroom. There was no trace of you.

It was 00:00 when Diluc finally came to bed. Then it was 01:00 when you carefully slipped out from his embrace and softly headed for the door, heading for the city. 

Where had you gone? Diluc was sure that you were in bed when he climbed in next to you, pulling your body close to his. He remembered as he mumbled weary apologies and sweet nothings as he drifted off to sleep, feeling safe with you by his side. 

Diluc quickly changed out of his sleepwear and rushed out the door and down the stairs of the mansion. He called your name out, worry laced into his voice. When you were nowhere to be found within the confines of the mansion, Diluc grabbed his coat, deciding to head into the walls of Mondstadt. He knew you had an art studio there with a small shop on the main level. 

As he neared your shop, he could see a faint light flickering from the second floor. There you were. Why were you here at this hour? Diluc timidly wrapped his fingers around the door knob, testing if it would turn. Finding it to be unlocked, he gently opened the door and stepped in. Once he closed the door, he froze.

It was eerily quiet.

He could only hear the blood rushing through his ears and his heart pounding erratically in his chest. Not wasting another second, Diluc ran up the stairs, skipping one in a panic to reach you. As he neared your studio door, he froze once again in hesitation to open the door. What would he find on the other side? Why did he hesitate to open the door? 

In his moment of hesitancy, he heard small whimpers and light sniffles. He released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. You were still alive. Diluc swung the door open, gaze darting directly to you. 

His heart shattered when his eyes landed on you. You looked so small and broken, huddled into yourself, tears streaming down your face. Diluc slowly made his way over to you, nearly tripping over debris. Wait, debris? 

He carefully scanned over the room as he continued his walk towards you. Those few steps it took to get to you felt like he was in a nightmare and couldn’t reach what he was looking for in time. He felt as if he was trudging through slimes. 

Paint cans were discarded around the floor with color pooling out from them, vibrant hues of paint coated the floor, shards of canvas framing were split and splintered into piles. Some of your unfinished works were cruelly sliced through the center while others were haphazardly slashed. 

Once he finally made it over to you, Diluc sank down to the floor beside you, enveloping you into his strong arms. In his embrace, it felt as though the fiery essence of his pyro vision wrapped you in a cocoon of warmth and protection. 

“My love,” Diluc’s deep voice pierced the heavy silence, a gentle murmur barely above a whisper, “if you would like, you are free to share your troubles with me, I’m here for you.” His tender words only seemed to unravel you further. You choked back a sob, trying to form words. It’s been a long time since you’ve been met with such sincerity and caring from someone. Asyou struggled, Diluc soothingly rubbed circles into your back. 

“You don’t have to tell me right away, love, I’m not going anywhere,” He whispered sweetly with his low voice. This only made you cry harder, except there were no more tears, just broken sobs and heaving breaths. Diluc’s other hand gently moved to gently stroke the back of your head, gently urging it closer into his chest. 

“D-Diluc,” your voice was soft, yet rough from the hours of screams and sobs, “c-can we just go…go h-home?” Your words were whispered in a plea, exhaustion prominent in your gaze as you looked in Diluc’s crystal, red eyes. 

His heart ached as he met your gaze. He noticed how tired, red, and glassy your eyes looked. 

Really, how could he not notice how tired your eyes were? 

“Of course, my love,” he murmured softly, brushing a gentle kiss against your forehead before gently helping you to your feet. “Are you alright to walk? Or…,” Diluc’s cheeks reddened with bashfulness as he tried to voice the option of carrying you. Of course, if you needed, he would have you off your feet in a heartbeat. As you pondered an answer, he shrugged his coat off, tenderly draping it around your shoulders. 

“I-I’m alright to walk,” you stuttered out. Despite this, you clung to his side as he guided you out into the cool air of the night with care. The whole walk home, he held you close with an arm tightly wrapped around your shoulders. 

As you reached the familiar sight of the Dawn Winery, you felt a small spark of endearment within your broken soul. Diluc led you into your shared bedroom, helping you remove his coat and draping it over the chair. He then picked you up, gently setting you on the bed, pulling the covers over you. You tugged the covers closer to your chest as your gaze followed his form, changing into his sleepwear and finally crawling in bed next to you. 

He shuffled closer to you, pulling you into his embrace once again with one hand stroking the back of your head. 

“Diluc?” You softly whispered, head still buried in his chest.

“Mm?” He tiredly hummed out.

“C-can I– Can we talk…uhm, I-I want to–,” you fumbled for words, not knowing how to articulate your thoughts into actual words.

“Of course, love, of course we can,” Diluc gave a small nod as he replied, squeezing you in reassurance. You loved how well he understood you, even when you were at a loss for words. A few stray tears slipped out with a couple of sniffles to follow. He only tightened his embrace again, still soothingly stroking the back of your head. 

“For now, let’s try to get some sleep. You must be exhausted,” Diluc suggested gently, voice tender with care. He felt you snuggle closer into his warm embrace. He hoped this could ease the pains of your inner storm, if only slightly. 

Nodding in agreement, you allowed yourself to surrender to the embrace of sleep. You listened to his steady heartbeat, a rhythmic lullaby, that slowly lulled you into a deep slumber. 

Once Diluc heard you slowed but steady breathing, he felt his whole body relax. He could feel his throat tighten as his own tears threatened to escape from the corners of his eyes. Oh how he wanted to take away all of your pain so you wouldn’t have to suffer any longer. He knew you would most likely struggle to accept any help or comfort on your own. But he wanted more than anything to reassure you over and over that you could come to him any time. You were his top priority and he would never let you forget that.

He was determined to learn to read you better as well as help you feel confident in confiding in him. Working on feelings and emotions with someone else was foreign land to him as well, but if it was for you, he would go to the moon and back in his efforts to help you.

Diluc was so head over heels for you. You were the brightest star in his galaxy and the kindest, fiercest flame that he had ever encountered. 

[blueaetherr]

he’s gonna love them

pairing: kylian mbappe x gn!reader [they/them]

warning(s): none

summary: the one about safety and security in the relationship

now playing: gonna love me by teyana taylor

The young day provided a calm atmosphere, the sun hanging low yet offering a sense of warmth in an area so cold. The wind came through, too, as the breeze slipped passed the opening of the windows. The sun and her heat, the wind and his chills—suddenly, there was balance, for the day and everyone else offered the opportunity to experience it to its fullest.

The couple, Kylian ad Y/N, who were lounging in bed, softly laughing, curling up into one another, gave a sense of balance to one another. When he told a joke, they would laugh (even if it wasn't funny). When there was one kiss, another kiss would follow soon after. When he opened up his arms, they would roll back into his embrace. If they were feeling the slightest touch of pain, he would soothe it with an acute massage.

It was only late morning and the young couple didn't want to get out of bed; they refused to. The idea itself, getting ready for the day, was exhausting simply just thinking about it. But they knew they couldn't be selfish. There was so much to do– Kylian with football and Y/N with their tasks for the today– so many other people they had to interact with—just so much this and that to attend to. Beyond one another, the two were needed by others far beyond their home.

But laying low from the outside world, escaping the tasks of the day, calmly drifting in and out of sleep, exchanging meaningful (and less) laughs and conversations. Sleeping in with your lover—Kylian sleeping in with his lover, Y/N sleeping in with their lover—the idea was all too pretty and attractive to pass up on, something so cherishing that you shouldn't want to miss out on. Maybe they could be a bit selfish for a minute and more.

The mood, low and quiet, soon kindly elevated when Kylian's hums began to float around the room. And that's when Y/N came through with a smile, one that was dimpled and reached their eyes perfectly as they cuddled into his body. It was their favourite song, Gonna Love Me. With nothing else to do, they just sat back and listened to him, admiring everything that was their partner.

Because Kylian also saw everything that was his partner. Always did he want to hug and squeeze them with so much love and dote. He loved spending his nights with them, and he did appreciate them (through lyrics and his own originality). He would stay up late if it meant witnessing them for a second when they got back home late. There was no doubt that Y/N felt safe and secure with Kylian.

When his hums fell low in the room, a playful look appeared on Y/N's face. "I don't think that's how Teyana sings it."

"Really?" His eyes widened before he let out a small chuckle. He should've known; Y/N was far too judgemental yet somehow, in a good way, in a way that he didn't mind. He fell back on the bed. "I thought I hummed it pretty well."

Y/N scoffed, shaking their head. "Then you must not be hearing yourself. I think—" They were cut off as Kylian pulled them back down on the bed, climbing over them to offer his playful words and body touch. In this short but sweet moment, there were laughs and kisses and overall enjoyment. Nothing less than the most.

Exhaling loudly, they turned their head to look his way. Once again, they offered him a smile, one that was kind and sincere. Tooking his hand into theirs, they declared, "Thank you, Kylian."

His face pulled together, confused, something Y/N always found adorable. "For what?"

"I love this. Just—" they let their hands run over his bare shoulders, sighing, "just being here with you every day. It's both a blessing and a curse." The two shared a small laugh together. When it all fell flat, they leaned further into his embrace, "But I'll side more with it being a blessing."

Slowly but surely, Kylian's face burst with happiness as he brought his partner close. Felt happiness for himself, felt happiness for Y/N. 'Cause that's all he wanted for them.

When he sings or hums, he wanted them to feel deeply serenaded. When he cooks, he wanted them to feel nourished and whole. When the two get intimate, he wanted to make them feel good, physically and emotionally. When he takes them out on a date, he wanted them to feel overwhelmingly loved and cherished for who they were. When he wraps his arms around them, he wanted them to feel safe.

That's all he cared about; Y/N. If they were okay then everything else would be alright.

[vxmpyr-clxb]

☆ . . . HYUNG LiNE!

 ❛ LEE HEESEUNG ❜  ꜝꜞ

CONTACT NAME. doe eyes 🦌  ( his : starry eyed 🌟)

SHIP NAME. sage + heesung = saesung / sungsae / heege

RELATIONSHIP. in the beginning they had a sort of rivalry. during i-land they had a misunderstanding and from then on they were rivals/enemies, but when they realized there was a possibility of them both making it into the group, they sat down and talked out their issues. as of now, heesung takes on a more caring role towards the girl in their day to day life.

the two met before i-land but were never friends, they just knew of each other because of what people told them about each other. 

Heeseung was an ace trainee and everyone knew it, including Sage. This intimidated the girl because of how everyone spoke so highly of him. 

the only time they hung out was when mutual friends of theirs went out to eat to celebrate passing a monthly evaluation and both were invited. 

even then, they only exchanged a few words mostly because they sat at separate tables. 

and skip to i-land days, when heeseung saw her enter he knew she was a tough contestant 

the older opted to be a friend rather than a foe so he quickly went up to her and started a conversation post-first performance

this convo did not go as he planned

the two had a misunderstanding and Sage mistook Heesung's attempt at befriending her for him trying to sabotage her. their “rivalry” continued for a few more weeks ( a couple of episodes ) before the two realized they might debut together and talked it out

Heeseung reminded Sage of one of her best friends from back in New York and she thinks that was why they grew so close in such a short time. 

nowadays Heesung is one of the ones who is very big on making sure Sage is doing alright

being the oldest, even though he doesn’t act it a lot, heesung likes to look after her even more so because she’s the only girl

he knows she doesn’t want to be treated any differently and he tries to adhere to that, but he also understands she has extra stress put on her because she is the only girl 

when she's wearing a skirt and the stylists don’t give her a jacket, he'll lend her his && when she has solo promotions, he always calls to make sure she's doing alright

her knight in shining armor frfr

but that’s not to say she doesn’t help him too. she helps to make him feel like a kid again ( him and jungwon but we’ll get into that later )

when they hang out they typically play basketball together, write lyrics, practice/run through the choreography from their songs, and or play video games

sometimes they’ll also go to the gym together as well. the girl likes to tag along with the other members every once and a while ( usually Heesung, Niki, & Jake).

 ❛ PARK JONGSEONG ❜  ꜝꜞ

CONTACT NAME. bank account 💸 ( his : sage 🌱 )

SHIP NAME. jay / jongseong + sage = song-seong / sang-seong

RELATIONSHIP. although they didn’t know each other before the show, when  the two first met, sage didn’t really like the boy. she thought he was competition and didn’t want to lose to him at all. so she did everything she could to make sure she ranked higher than him. but as time went on, sage began to notice tiny things about his attitude and they soon developed a friendship which was mainly based on looking out for each other and helping the other.

when Jay was struggling in the show, she was the one who could be seen next to him, teaching him and lifting his spirits. she saw how he continued to grow and learn and would’ve hated to see him waste his talent.

in exchange, Jay would be the one protecting Sage from rude comments and her own temper. 

^ whenever the boys on i-land would make any comments about her being a girl or doubting her skills she tended to get riled up and Jay would be the one to calm her down and or defend her

unlike heeseung, who mainly makes sure she's physically okay, Jay is the one who makes sure she is mentally and emotionally okay.

he does a lot of checkups on her because he knows that Sage tends to put up an act a lot of the time to not worry anyone

sage is Jay's official helper/chef. jay likes to cook for everyone else, but sage comes from a family where food is a love language so she likes to give him a break here and there and helps to feed the others.

jay asked sage ( + niki )  to help him with learning japanese and the girl also teaches him bits and pieces of the other languages she knows too

sage also likes to share some recipes she’s learned from her family throughout the years and with these she typically records blogs that she posts on her youtube channel

their favorite activities to do together are cooking, watching movies/shows together, and shopping.

jay also has a habit of shopping for other people when they're out. especially when it comes to sage cause they're very interested in fashion and clothing so he often buys her thing she thinks she'd look good in.

in some of her vlogs/lives sage can be seen shopping for jay and the other boys and she has clothes saved to carts and wish lists she's made in preparation for birthday's and other reasons to give gifts

 ❛ SHIM JAEYUN ❜  ꜝꜞ

CONTACT NAME. PARTY PARTY WHOO 🥳 ( his : don’t answer 🛑 )

SHIP NAME. jake / jaeyun + sage / segye = sae-yun / sa-ke

RELATIONSHIP. these two had became friends quickly on the show due to them being the few who spoke english as a main language as well as sage making jokes and comments in english during their stay at i-land. jake and teagan are the two members who cause the most amount of chaos together and should not be left to their own devices for longer than five minutes. that being said..jake and sage are known for their clumsiness, iconic moments, and their chemistry.

being as though in i-land, they were part of the few who could speak english, they were seen speaking in english with each other almost all the time  

the members say that they're always fighting

teagan loves teasing him by joking that he’s such a nerd for liking physics && jake teases sage for her clumsiness and her bad habits

the two are known for their dynamic where they’re able to joke about anything and go for each other’s throat with jokes

as well as them being the main two ( + jay ofc ) who speak english, they make stupid dirty jokes at the worst times

one of their most iconic moments being when the two of them, mid interview, lock eyes and burst into laughter and throughout the whole video they’re just seen whispering back and forth and holding in their laughter.

ALSO- them both being from wealthy families?? even more of a connection

the two of them showing off things they bought on lives and fans blowing up hashtags on twitter about how the items they showed cost like a 1000+ bucks/millions of won

their favorite activities to do together are having movie nights, play goofy sleepover games when they hang out, exploring places in seoul together, playing puzzle games, doing escape rooms, and talking about their doggies!

these two may not have a whole lot to say about their dynamic but don’t take that as them not caring for the other

the clumsy twins. sage known for tripping, even on nothing, and jake for tripping over people and falling into desks

jake is literally whipped for this girl like whaaat

he’ll deny it every chance he gets, but he’s always there to help her and adores her sm

teagan is also a victim of jake’s charms but the two hang out so often she claims she’s immune now

sage was named Layla's official godmother by Jake and he was named Rex’s official godfather by her

 ❛ PARK SUNGHOON ❜  ꜝꜞ

CONTACT NAME. elsa ❄️ ( his : anna 🍁 )

SHIP NAME. sunghoon + sage = sage-hoon

RELATIONSHIP. due to training at bighit previously, and both of them taking up ice skating as a hobby, these two already sort of knew each other, but they never really spoke to each other one on one. and when teagan’s eye-catching performance got all 23/24 votes? sunghoon wanted to befriend her even more. and later on, her close relationship with jake helped her and sunghoon bond more. the two treat each other more or less like siblings nowadays.

Segye recognized Hoon mostly for his ice skating days. although she was nowhere near as good or in love with the sport, she did like to stay updated on those around Korea & Sunghoon was included in that.

after realizing that it was him, she quickly struck up a conversation with the boy. this took sunghoon by surprise, being as though she knew him for ice skating, and they had a small conversation about their shared admiration of the sport.

during and after i-land they were known as the opposites attract duo

very much popular x loner energy.

they bring each other's playful/chaotic side out

he isn't one to show much affection physically but Sage knows he supports her through his actions

does Teagan need water? he's already on it. she's stressed because of uni? he has set up her game on her computer in her room.

in exchange, Sage is always there when he needs to vent or just someone to sit with.

during one of their comebacks sunghoon was stressing out and having a rough time so on the one day they were free she asked him to come out with her, he said yes thinking she was going to the movies or shopping, but she actually took him to an ice rink she rented for a couple of hours so he could have some fun

he even ended up teaching her one of his old routines

funnily enough, these two— at least in my head, are the real-life embodiment of todoroki and izuku from bnha.

because like, at first Sage would just talk and sunghoon would just listen. so much so that while on i-land, a lot of people thought he was just tuning her out. and when sunghoon heard one of them say it, he recapped word for word what Sage said and she was gassed for the rest of the week.

their convos are 50% sarcastic

people think sunghoon is completely introverted at first, but Sage is one of the first people he opens up around, revealing his true personality on i-land.

whenever Sage, Jake, and Sunghoon get together prepare for chaos-

long story short, sunghoon is a little shit who cares a lot, but hides it very well. 

[junebugwriter]

Transgender Dysphoria Blues

It was around 2005. In my dorms, I made a lot of different kinds of friends, and because it was the mid-2000s, we passed around CD's to show new music to each other. Back then, one of my friends introduced me to a band of theirs from their home state, a band called Against Me!. I said I enjoyed punk and emo stuff, and he said I'd like this band.

From the first moment, I heard the raw voice of the lead singer. This person was straining, yelling, screaming with melodic intensity and purpose, laser-focused on the rage, frustration, and despair that comes with young adulthood in the Bush era. They talked about love, and death, and how our future was sold out from under us. They sang

"Baby, I'm an anarchist and you're a spineless liberal We marched together for the eight-hour day and held hands in the streets of Seattle But when it came time to throw bricks through that Starbucks window You left me all alone, all alone..."

I was enthralled. I had never encountered anything like this music before. Well, that's not true. I'd heard punk before--older stuff, like the Clash, the Sex Pistols, the Ramones, stuff that spoke to a moment in time that seemed ancient to me but was only a couple of decades before--but not punk like this. Not punk that actually had some fucking teeth. Not punk that wasn't afraid to be proudly anarchistic, nakedly political, and darkly poetic in this way.

In 2007, I got the newer album, New Wave, and again, this was more of the stuff I loved. Sure, New Wave was a bit more polished, but it was still filled with all those rough emotions that spoke to a disaffected young "man" like me. There was something to the way the lead singer belted out those bars that really nailed something within me, something ineffable, intangible at the time. Something gestating quietly within my brain, a feeling that something wasn't quite right with me, but couldn't be named.

The final song on New Wave, "The Ocean," threw me for a loop. These lyrics... were different.

"And if I could have chosen, I would have been born a woman My mother once told me she would have named me Laura I'd grow up to be strong and beautiful like her...

There is an ocean in my soul Where the waters do not curve..."

At first, I thought this was simply poetic license, imagining a different life, imagining one in which they could be completely different, living a humble, domestic existence far from the drugs and rock and roll. One of simplicity, happiness, bliss. But... something gnawed at me. Why a woman? Why that name? Mysterious to my young brain.

I had not yet heard the word "transgender." I didn't have any context for it. But I knew the ocean in the soul, whose waters did not curve. I knew the depths that dwelled beneath. I knew that there was so much more to my being that even I couldn't quite understand.

Time passed. I graduated from undergrad, and had moved on to graduate school. In grad school, I had more education about LGBTQ+ issues, and had drawn closer to being in the "ally" camp of things, even in the Methodist church. I was drawn to the cause, yet couldn't quite understand why I identified with so many of the struggles they faced.

Near the end of it, a year before I graduated, news came out about the lead singer of Against Me!. She was transgender. Her name was Laura Jane Grace.

My mind raced. Wait, what? The singer with the raspy, raw, and to my mind, thoroughly masculine voice... was a woman now? I googled furiously. I had to learn more. I read every article about her. I drank deep of the news. I had to understand how this turn of events could be. Wait, someone can just... be a woman? And not know it? You can simply do that?

I watched some interviews with her. She seemed thoroughly natural in more feminine clothing. She smiled far more than I thought possible, knowing what she looked like before. She was... happy.

I was worried. What would happen to this band, now that their singer was different? Would her voice change? Would their songs change? I was nervous. But also... I was oddly excited. I knew what a trans person was. I knew that it was a thing you could be. But now, it suddenly became personal in a weird way. Because now I knew a trans person, if not personally, but through the art they made.

A couple years later, they came out with a new album. For whatever reason, I never took the time to listen to it. I had moved out to the country, and buying CDs was becoming passé, but I didn't know how else to buy music now, because I didn't want to bother buying songs through Apple. So... I never listened to it. Until recently.

Here's the title track of the album.

I no longer worried about the band. I knew that they were the same, just... actually wrestling with the thing that lurked within the ocean of Laura Jane Grace's soul.

With the kraken within the depths of my soul.

I was partly afraid of listening to the album. I was afraid of change. But I'm learning I'm more courageous than I thought I was. I'm learning to face the beast down in the depths, the dysphoria that stares back at me from the mirror each day. It has a name now. It has dimension, and weight, and yes, some days it is overwhelming and too much.

But I can fight it.

She wrestled with it in this album, highs and lows. Regrets, memories, eulogies for lost friends. All through the funhouse lens of gender dysphoria. And suddenly, all the rage, all the fury, came roaring back to the fore. The rage had an edge, and the edge cannot be dulled because it is an edge piercing all the way down to the spinal column. The cracks in the voice, the strain of the vocal cords, the tears and the joy and the endless, rocking waves of emotional turmoil... they can be viewed clearly now. They had a name.

It's a good album. I think every trans femme ought to listen to it, especially if you like punk. Because all the anarchist fury and anti-establishment wit is still there, just with a different set dressing, with a different lens, a different focus. If anything it's sharper. More raw. More powerful.

Happy Pride. This is the anthem of the month for me. I'm trans, and I'm going to help burn this world down build a better one in its ashes.

Thank you, Laura Jane, and Against Me!. You helped me understand the weapons in my hands better than any other band.

[spaceorphan18]

Hi, how are you? I'm so happy you are still active! It's sort of incredible to me that you still keep a lot of love for these characters and their relationships. Not that they don't deserve that or that they would have gotten less interesting with time, it's just that I tend to jump from interest to interest quickly. Anyway, what I wanted to say is that your metas were and are always so good, and they are 100% responsible for me enjoying Kurt, Blaine and Klaine better! Honestly, I wasn't a big fan of them in the earlier seasons, but after rewatching seasons 4-6 in the pandemic and reading your metas, I was suddenly very invested. I love them now! My favorite arc of them is them both in NYC in season 5. Maybe because they were older and messy in a way that was more relatable to me specifically, and maybe because I really like how they were having problems of a "real adult relationship". You have probably heard it a lot before but thank you so much for all your work and your dedication all these years. Because I have came across your posts after a while, I must admit I am sort of curious about whether there's anything that you have changed your mind about in the last couple of years. Who are the characters/relationship, apart from them and theirs, that you're still interested in, if there's any? Is there anything that you have completely changed your mind about, that you can think of? And what was the last song from Glee that you have listened to?

Hi Nonny!

First of all -- thank you for such a kind note, it made my day to see this in my in box. It's very sweet to know that people do actually enjoy being around here. Because I never know if I've gone into being too annoying or not. (And I'm sure lots of people felt that way a long time ago.)

As for still being around -- well, I have a tendency to collect things as I go. I'm one of those people who never really truly leaves, even if other interests arise. I still very much love The Office, which came before. And still love X-Men even though I was a kid when that obsession started. For better or for worse, I always like what I like.

I'm so glad to hear that I've helped you come around to Klaine! Sometimes positivity can do that! There is so much to pick a part with their relationship -- one of the most enjoyable parts of being in fandom is getting to explore that and pick it a part and examine it!

Have my thoughts on Klaine changed at all in recent years? Not really, no. I mean, compared to at the time, I adore Season 6 a lot, and enjoy Season 4 a lot more. I think I've made my peace with a lot of the bad along with the good of the show. It's almost been ten years since it's not been on the air -- and I can't change anything. So, why be angry about it, you know?

Who are the characters/relationship, apart from them and theirs, that you're still interested in, if there's any? Is there anything that you have completely changed your mind about, that you can think of?

This probably deserves it's own post because I have a lot of feelings for so much more of the show than just Klaine.

I probably like Rachel more than a lot of other people. Really, when she's not given everything (like at the end of season 3) I think she's an interesting character. I love Mercedes and find it tragic that the show never knew what to do with her. I do like Santana -- I'm sorry, Brittana really doesn't do anything for me, but she's a fascinating character to look at.

I do love Sam, and always find him endearing. Jesse St James has completely grown on me over the years.

I also have more of an appreciation for Jane Lynch and Jessilyn Gilsig than I used to.

I'm not sure if there's anything I've completely changed my mind about? I'm way, way, way more tolerant of Karofsky than I used to be -- but I think because I've had a lot a lot a lot of time to mull it all over.

Do you have specific characters or story lines you'd like to hear more about?

And what was the last song from Glee that you have listened to?

Probably Love is a Battlefield - because I wanted to see the choreography in comparison to BICO, lol.

It's been a long, long time since I've watch any of the show -- but also been a while since I've listened to the music, too. I really need to again.

Thank you again for your kind words -- please don't be a stranger!

[rvnclwsews]

Inspired By the Song Liar by the Arcadian Wild

Part 1 of 2

Summary

I’m not in a right state of mind, I just wish I had strength to admit it

My stubbornness will put up a fight, but I don’t deserve to win it.

Callum and Rayla have lost three children, too small to name and he will do whatever it takes to not have to bury a fourth.

            He’d been moved to tears at the sight of him, their very alive son. Rayla had handed the baby, smaller than he could have imagined, to him with so much love and happiness even in her tired eyes he could hardly meet them. The baby boy in his arms, he realized with a painful jolt, looked just like him. He had a head of fine auburn hair and five little fingers on each hand. When his eyes opened, they weren’t lavender like his mother’s but a paler shade of green. He had the small nubs of elven horns just like Rayla’s brother had had when he was born, and his ears pointed just like hers.

            For a few fleeting moments he felt overwhelming joy, this child was his, theirs… alive. The baby fussed and whimpered in need of something it couldn’t understand or express and Rayla had quickly gathered him back into her arms. There had been a few other well-wishing visitors, but Callum had hardly seen them, and perhaps none of them had really seen him either.

            Now he sat beside the bed, his back against it as Rayla slept. Their son tucked close to her sleeping on his back. Callum placed his hand on his baby’s chest, his palm nearly consuming the whole of his torso. His little chest rose and fell as he breathed, and the impossibly rapid flutter of his little heart felt like a tiny hummingbird in his hand. Callum’s heart thumped agonizingly, the guilt too overwhelming. He drew his knees up and buried his head in his arms and the fresh wave of anguish overtook him. He couldn’t stay in here with them, he was going to wake them up, and if Rayla woke up he didn’t think he could keep his secret. Not in his current state of mind.

            With a deep breath, he rose to his feet and moved to the door. With one last look back at his little family blurred by his tears, he wrenched open the door.

            She was exhausted. Of course, she knew she would be, she’d been through labor before. But the elation of holding her living little boy in her arms had made it all worth it. The fact that he looked so much like Callum had made her heart melt even more, if that were possible. Callum’s reaction to meeting their son was understandable considering what they had been through the past couple of years. If she had thought she couldn’t go through that grief again, it was nothing compared to Callum.

            The small gathering of family and friends that came to see them had been overjoyed for them, wishing them congratulations and excitedly talking about the new baby. It didn’t escape Rayla’s notice that Callum was there, but he wasn’t there.

            “Hey,” she’d said when they were alone again with their boy. “Are you okay?”

            “Huh?” he looked up from the baby asleep in his arms. “Oh, sure. I’m fine. But what about you? You must be exhausted.” And he was right… “You should get some rest; he has the right idea.” He smiled but she could see it didn’t reach his eyes. But she was really tired, and worn out, and foggy minded, and all the things that new mothers were supposed to feel. So, she’d yielded and decided to address it later when she could pick a proper argument if need be.

            Now she lay there, her eyes closed and breathing controlled. It was incredibly difficult to fool a sky mage when it came to her breath, but he wasn’t paying her any attention. She could hear his breath hitch and a stifled sob rip forth from his chest. Before long he rose and left the room altogether. Once she heard the door close, she waited all of two breaths before rising. She moved her little boy to the middle of their large bed and threw on a long dark teal dressing gown before slipping out after him.

            The halls were quiet and lit with torchlight as she strode quietly through them. She didn’t know for sure where he had gone, but she figured his office would be a good place to start. She pushed open the door on to the open rampart that led to the High Mage’s tower. Now she knew he had gone that way, his fresh footprints left in the dusting of snow on the stone.

She moved quickly across the rampart, her bare feet freezing on the icy stone, the wintery wind tossing her loose silver hair around her face and shoulders. Quickly but silently she slipped into the tower. It was quiet. She stepped closer to the office door and listened, one pointed ear to the door: nothing. She pushed it open, expecting maybe he was only reading, but the office was vacant.

The large portrait on the wall that had been used to hide Viren’s diabolical dungeon was gone. A door had been put in its place. The dungeon had become a place for Callum to keep the things he felt were dark magic related, things he didn’t want in circulation lest another potential dark mage find them and seek to change their fortune. Now Rayla noticed that it was ajar. She arched an eyebrow. It wasn’t like Callum never ventured into that space, but something in her stomach twisted in an uncomfortable way. She could hear noises, very faint, coming from the doorway.

            She approached it cautiously, listening to the sounds become clearer as she stepped through it and into the torchlit corridor. Fits of commotion broke the brief silences, the whump of heavy objects, the fluttering of parchment… the musical smashing of glass and porcelain. And then there was Callum’s voice, ragged and feral sounding, yelling in frustration and something else… pain? She reached the bottom of the steps, sure of what she would be met with now.

            He was a mess. His hands were splayed against the table, elbows locked to hold up is sagging shoulders and hanging head. His dark hair was disheveled around his face. His white linen shirt was stained and hanging loosely around his body, his chest heaving in and out. After a couple of breaths another frustrated yell rose from some deep anguished part of him. He shoved the table away violently, and Rayla couldn’t watch him fall apart any further.

            “Callum! What are you doing?” She took a couple of steps towards him. The glass in her feet stung but she hardly noticed it. His head snapped up and the look on his face was seared into her memory. Some deep hurt and rage and fear lived there now in the once sunny face of her love. He sank to his knees and buried his face in his hands, still breathing rapidly. She quickly closed the space between them and took a knee in front of him.

            “Hey, Callum,” She pulled his hands from his face and pushed his dark hair back, “what is it?” She lifted his face to look at her, pushing the last of his hair back and holding his face with both hands. She stared pointedly into his green eyes. He seemed to deflate in front of her. He took her hands from his face and held them in his lap, looking down at them. Their matching gold bands flashed in the torchlight.

            “It’s- it’s blood magic.” He whispered.

            “What?” Rayla replied, not following just yet, though she was worrying that his behavior meant he’d done blood magic.

            “The baby… I- I couldn’t. Rayla, I couldn’t watch you do it again.” He took a shuddering breath, still staring into their hands. “I couldn’t bury another one.” Ice ran in her veins as the implication of his confession dawned on her. She pulled her hands back from his before she could even think of what she was doing.

            “What did you do?” She whispered, rising to her feet. He didn’t try to hold her close or stop her, only stayed there, frozen in his guilt. He explained, quietly, tears falling into his lap as he refused to look at her. Her breath seemed to escape her, words failed her. Blood for blood, year for year. That’s what he’d said.

            “Who’s blood?” She asked, barely audible. For a moment she thought he hadn’t heard her. Finally he laughed humorlessly and replied: Mine. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t stand in that dungeon another second. She backed away and bolted up the stairs, her need to collect her small and helpless child close and guarded was suddenly overwhelming. For some reason the danger seemed so much more omnipresent, another thing she couldn’t protect him from, any of them from.

            She didn’t hear him pursuing her as she strode through the tower or back out to the rampart. The full moon shone bright now, her body felt electric and alive in it’s light but she still somehow felt numb in the cold of what she knew. Blood for blood he’d said. Somehow he’d used his own blood to give them a living child. Year for year. What did that mean? For every year their son lives would Callum have one less?

            “Dummy!” She sobbed to the empty night, angry and hurt, and scared for the now two men she loved more than life itself.

[yukiakaren]

Kpop title track ranking: B1A4

In this series I’ll be ranking kpop groups/soloists title tracks based on my taste.

I watched B1A4's episode on Pangterview and realized that I could do this ranking for their songs! Admittedly, I've only actively listened to a couple of their songs a lot throughout the years, but I've been aware of them for many years and I was already familiar with all the title tracks. Hence, I felt like ranking these songs.

Like a Movie - Let's start by saying when I first heard this one it didn't click with me. However, after a while it did and I can't deny that I'm in love with it now. The movie or musical feel of it has me captivated. It's so so pretty!

Tried To Walk - This one is a classic. Also, in comparison to some of their other older songs the lyrics are quite problem-free which is a huge plus. And this being my favorite song of theirs for the longest time makes this ranking make a lot of sense. Also, the MV is gorgeous!

A Lie - It's just a lovely break up song. I guess the nostalgia I have with Tried To Walk gives it the tiny notch to be ranked higher than this.

Rewind - Rewind is going down very similar path to Like a Movie but just isn't quite as good. But still very pleasant!

Sweet Girl - I guess this is the obligatory surprise of the list. I have always past this song as something fine but not given it much more thought. But now listening to it and comparing it to the rest, it definitely showed the goodness of it in a whole new way. It's in the best possible way "just pleasant".

Baby I'm Sorry - Despite the mostly nonsensical English, overall mediocre lyrics and A TON of autotune, I can't ignore my nostalgia for this one. It was one of the first B1A4 songs that I liked and right now I let that nostalgia cloud my judgement a bit in order to ignore those issues.

Rollin' - Very of that time, tropical sounding song. A fine one but I think I'm quite over this type of sound at least when it's not currently summer.

O.K - Upbeat song about being absolutely whipped for someone. Nice debut but not my personal favorite of theirs.

Beautiful Target - The song that gave such an iconic line "Oh my beautiful target. You zoom zoom my heart like a rocket." doesn't quite get me going otherwise.

Solo Day - I just don't really get much out of this one. It's pleasant enough and the lyrics aren't a disgrace but I just don't care for it.

Lonely - This one just hasn't ever really been one I'd go for either. And I guess it's somehow more annoying than Solo Day for me. Unarguably better lyrics-wise than the next ones, so it ends up above them.

What's Happening? - "What's happening?" is what I want to ask from these lyrics. Like seriously. Is this about the other person cheating or just jealousy over someone you are not with? Which ever it is, it's not great.

Baby Good Night - So, it's a upbeat song about cheating on your partner, right? I was vaguely aware that this one has issues but oh my. Yeah, bottom spot is absolutely deserved here.

And here we come to the end of the list and to the spot I usually put b-sides as honorable mentions. I am well-versed enough to know their title tracks but I have to admit that I don't think I knew any of their b-sides before today. Now quickly taking a look at their albums all the songs seem quite nice and chill. DIVING got multiple listens from me immediately, so this one I can definitely recommend!

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

I'm really curious about your journey into kpop! I'm army and I started from there, though I wouldn't say I stan any other group. I try to give a fair shake when songs pop up but I haven't been nearly as attached to these groups and their members as I have to bts, but still I really like a lot of the music. I think you said you listen to mostly kpop but have you always done that?

i started with kdramas! That's when I first heard the term "idol" and wondered what the fuck an idol was supposed to be - why not just call them singers lmao?. I remember seeing YT comments about how Armys were the only ones watching whatever, and I wondered what Army was supposed to be in that context. I was watching Chief Kim (awesome, hilarious drama!) at the time, and there was a character who hated BTS because she was secretly Army and loved them too much haha. She made a ton of references to BTS songs, and I think that's how she and her boyfriend got together in the drama? All of that flew past my head, but I remember the translators explaining the song references. Also, that drama writer mentions BTS/Army in, like, all their dramas (eg. The Fiery Priest).

That was kind of my introduction to the concept of kpop, I guess? Before that, I knew kpop=BTS and Blackpink from tumblr, but didn't know what kpop was. I also knew BTS from YT (I saw a video title that was "Suga secretly knows English" lmao, and I knew Jungkook, Jimin and Jikook by name) and Buzzfeed (there was an article about the bottle cap challenge and how Jungkook nailed it) and Blackpink from Coachella (because of celebrities taking pics with them). I knew Girl's Generation and Seventeen my name only. When a friend told me she was listening to kpop I checked BTS out (I watched the first Idol performance on Jimmy Fallon, among others) but didn't like them. However, a month later I couldn't get Idol out of my head (RM's "You can call me artist, you can call me idol" was playing in a loop inside my mind lmao), That's when I fell down the BTS rabbit hole (actually, it was because I started watching Jikook videos... I thought they were a confirmed couple...) I think at this point I was already watching dramas? This isn't a linear narrative lmao. The first kpop song I loved was Exo K's Mama though! And also Overdose, to a lesser extent. Mama is such a masterpiece and it's totally my style. I found it on an "old- school" kpop Spotify playlist. After getting into BTS, I listened to some Blackpink and many popular groups and songs. I couldn't stand most ggs though. I could only listen to RV, (G)I-dle, and Mamamoo, because they didn't have a cutesy sound. Twice made me cringe. It took me like a year to get into them. I think it started with The Feels and the pandemic. I had to get used to ggs. Also, I still cringe at a lot of Twice's old bsides. I really started listening to more groups during and after the pandemic. However, like you, I'm still only Army. I can't actually feel a huge attachment to another group and don't have the desire to keep up with them and watch everything of theirs. Most groups aren't funny or charismatic enough to me, and there isn't a group whose discography I love so much. Other groups often lipsync and don't write their own songs too, so I can't fall for them as artists...

Thanks for the ask! I don't even remember how it began exactly haha.

[thatkpopwriter]

Anomalous Fate: The Beginning

Hello ! :) First part of Anomalous Fate is here, and i really hope you enjoy this chapter. If you have any questions regarding the series or any of my others, feel free to ask away :)

Warnings: None

From the moment we are born, our fate is decided, and we are given ties that connect us to our soulmate. There are many different types of ties, and sometimes a single person will be given multiple, which is the case for Y/N.

When she was born, Y/N had the tie where a song title was written on her right wrist that would be playing when she meets her soulmate, and the red string tie that only she was able to see, tied right on her left pinky, she was also given a necklace, which by the looks of it, was a half of a compass, when she turned it around, it read, ‘no matter where-‘ and then it cut off, and finally, on her left wrist, the soulmate clock that tells you what time it is where your soulmate is, and her parents didn’t know what to think when her time read out, ‘9:46:31 PM KST,’

Unbeknownst to her, she had three more ties that determined her fate.

During her childhood, she had a couple friends who had multiple ties as well, she was happy that she wasn’t the only one who had multiple, and she bonded significantly with them as they could relate on more levels than with her other friends who only had one.

As she grew older, she was beginning to understand what her ties meant, and she caught herself staring at the clock on her left wrist, after learning the clock was in Korean Standard Time. She had never been to Korea before, and she was yet to find out if they came from North or South Korea. She also discovered another tie, and it was whatever hair colour her soulmate dyed theirs, she would have. And gosh do they ever change it up. Her hair is naturally brown, but one day she woke up with black hair, she panicked and did a quick google, calming once she learned its origin.

When she turned 15, she would start to wake with a new hair colour as the year progressed, nothing too crazy, just brown, black, red, back to black, and then back to brown. She thought maybe her soulmate was a bit indecisive.

When Y/N turned eighteen, and was soon to be graduating high school, her parents had gotten her a laptop as a gift, and she found herself in the classroom at school when her friends were out for lunch break, researching about the countries, and how they’re ties worked as well. She learned that she wouldn’t be able to see her soulmate’s red string until they meet in person, and that made her huff at how much ties she was given when she knew about her soulmate already.

She also woke up with newer hair colours, on the day of her birthday, it was orange, and after demanding her mom go to the store for her and coming back with the only colour left in the store, she dyed it purple the same day, however, she wasn’t really an expert so it turned out looking more pink, after that day, her hair was back to the usual three; brown, red, black.

While researching she noticed that the first thing to pop up when searching for Korea was KPOP, or more specifically, a group called BTS, and she felt a certain pull toward them that she couldn’t pinpoint. Now, like most ARMY, she only wanted to learn their names, but quickly became a little more obsessed as time went on, and soon she was always streaming their music, watching their interviews, and learning their choreo.

Y/N was 22 now, living in her apartment with her two childhood best friends who were also ARMY, attending school, and still without her soulmate. Her two best friends had met theirs, one of them, Kristie, had met hers 2 years ago while in a class, they’ve been together ever since. Her other best friend, Jasmine, had just recently met her soulmate in a coffee shop, talk about a meet cute, so Y/N was the only one left, yet she was beginning to think she wouldn’t be able to meet her soulmate at all, seeing as they lived all the way across the world.

Although she didn’t glance at the clock on her wrist as much now, she did find it pretty cool that her soulmate was from Korea, and seemed to like BTS as well, considering the song that was written on her right wrist was the song, ‘Fire,’ she didn’t know why the universe chose that song and not a romantic song, it would have been so cute if her soulmate and her had met while listening to ‘Euphoria,’ but I mean, who was she to complain? Her soulmate was an ARMY, so at least they would have something to talk about when they finally meet, if they ever meet.

With all the ties she had been given, it never once crossed her mind that it could have been with different people, because while it’s common to have more than one tie, it’s considered very rare to have more than one romantic soulmate, and although she was a fan of BTS, she never compared the ties with them at all, because c’mon, they’re the biggest boyband in the world, there’s no way she was any of their soulmates.

Bangtan on the other hand, managed to hide their ties. They kind of had to, being in the limelight. Each member had two ties, one that connected them to each other, and the other who connected them to their lover.

Kim Seokjin was given the necklace tie, he used to wear it a lot before he was an idol, but after debuting, he began to keep it hidden in his bag, not wanting anyone to falsely replicate it and ruin his chances of finding his soulmate.

Min Yoongi was given the song tie, and he let out a deep sigh when he realized it was the same title as their very own song. He has the makeup artists cover it with makeup before they do press or performance. Over time, he finds himself tracing it, wondering if his soulmate is a fan or not, or if they even heard of the song before.

Jung Hoseok didn’t know of his tie until much later in his life. For a new concept, he decided to go orange, which in a way, matched the music video a lot, but after a few hours, he noticed it changed to a washed-out purple colour, to which he learned he had the hair colour tie. He was just glad the music video was already done shooting.

Kim Namjoon didn’t know at all what tie he had, he tried to figure it out, but nothing really happened. He was confused and often thought maybe he wasn’t given another soulmate, but with time he came to accept that the boys were all he needed, and it was best if he stays focussed on his career anyway, still, he couldn’t help but to wish upon every shooting star, that it grants him his wish of having a soulmate. Perhaps he should try drawing on his skin sometime...

Park Jimin was given the red string tie and he liked that he was the only one who could see it. Once he debuted, he found himself glancing at a lot of people’s pinkies, hoping to see one day his connected.

Kim Taehyung on the other hand, had the clock tie. He stared at it fondly while thinking about what his soulmate might have been doing at that exact time, maybe she was in school, or at home, maybe she worked? He looked down at it and it read 6:34 PM PST. He wore a lot of long sleeves to help hide his clock, but even if he didn’t, there’s no way someone would be able to replicate it in anyway, so he considered himself lucky.

Jeon Jungkook was more of the same as Namjoon, he didn’t know what his tie was, and he left it at that. He wanted one, but he had his hyungs with him, and they filled the hole that his lack of soulmate left him.

BTS had a lot of conversation regarding their soulmates, and they admitted a few times that they weren’t sure what to do if they ever met their soulmate, or if their soulmate would even like them. They had a lot of fears, scared to find someone who wasn’t their soulmate, to pretend they were. Or maybe never finding them because of what they do for a living. The other boys would reassure Namjoon and Jungkook, telling them that they had to have a mark, they just need to wait for it to develop.

As the years went on, and once their new hit Dynamite took off, they became too busy to think or talk about it, and soon the year went by fast and they released a new hit, Butter. It was Kristie and Jasmine who tried to convince Y/N that her soulmate could have been one of the BTS members, preferably J-Hope, as they always had the same hair colour, especially when the Butter video released, and Y/N’s hair was blonde during the same time they would have been working on it.

That was pretty much the only proof they had, and when the tannies released another hit, Permission to Dance, Y/N decided to dye her hair platinum blonde, and the girls were shocked when J-Hope came up in the Permission to Dance video, sporting the exact same hair colour.

Y/N had never really given it much thought before, and she felt silly sitting in front of the mirror, watching as Kristie put pink hair dye in her hair. A part of her liked the idea of J-Hope potentially being her soulmate, but another part of her felt indifferent. If he was, what did that mean for them? Would he even like her? Would he risk his career just to be with her? What if he didn’t even like the idea of a soulmate?

As the UN rolled around the next few days, Y/N’s hair was still pink, and it still came as a surprise when J-Hope’s hair matched hers, Jasmine also noticed Y/N’s clock changed as well, switching over to 11:23 AM EST, which just so happened to be New York’s exact time.

She tried to her best to shake the thoughts, not wanting to seem delulu, but to was hard not to confirm her suspicions with the amount of proof she had. Especially after it was announced that BTS would be doing the Permission to Dance: On Stage, in Los Angeles, she felt a certain pull toward the concert, and after finding out each tickets price, she immediately bought three online, texting her friends the great news.

All three girls jumped around in excitement, blasting Permission to Dance, and making plans for their concert. They would wake up early and take the day to make sure everything was perfect including their outfits, army bombs, money, gas, and food. The concert was at the YouTube theatre, three weeks from then, and the girls already couldn’t wait.

After much deliberation, it was settled that the day before the concert, Y/N would dye her hair black with two blue streaks on the underside of both her ears, it was a unique style, and that way they would see if J-Hope really is the one. She admitted that while she was curious to find out, she was still super excited to see her favourite band in person for the first time, from being twitter she has heard how great of an experience it is and just the thought alone made her squeal.

Y/N lived away from home, and has a younger sister, who lives with her parents in Florida. She met Kristie and Jasmine when they were all eight years old, and they had promised each other that they would always be in each other’s lives, even attending the same university. Each of the girls had many different aspirations, as well as different hobbies, something they did agree on however, was their love for the bangtan boys.

And most times, it was easy to forget about her ties, as she diverted her attention to her studies most of the time, she had two years to go before graduation, however Y/N considered continuing her education and getting her masters, but that was a decision she would make in time, and she often feels optimistic about her future. Although, no matter how bright the future looked for Y/N and her two friends, she was still upset about having to possibly one day live without them. After graduation, Kristie is moving to Chicago, and Jasmine hopes she will be taking internships back in her hometown of Washington. It would be a challenge for all three, having never lived alone before, now without each other in the picture, but again, it was something they should chat about in the future.

As Y/N lays in bed, she watches the clock on her wrist, it reads 4:56 PM KST, and she finds herself wondering if he’s at practice, or in his studio. Her phone dings, and she picks it up, nearly giving herself whiplash from how fast she sits up.

J-hope⭐ created a new post!

She’s never clicked faster in her life and when the photo loaded, she smiled to herself, seeing his hair was still pink but it slowly disappeared when she read the rough translations, ‘hm, concert hair? Blondie? Red? Surprises! :),’ It didn’t take a rocket scientist to put together that he was going to dye his hair for the concert, and she debated on actually dyeing her hair and possibly upsetting him, but after thinking about it, she smiled.

He did say it was going to be a surprise for ARMY, maybe now it will even be a surprise for him.

[danses-with-dogmeat]

Hey i love ur writing! How would R! fo4 + butch n arcade gannon react to having sole/line/six write their name on their (comapnions) arm and tell them that their parents always told them to write their name on their favorite possessions

hope that made sense

Romanced! FO4 Companions + Arcade & Butch React to Sole/Six/Lone Writing Their Name on Their Arm:

Ahh, thank you so much 😩 This was a really sweet prompt and I had a lot of fun with it, I hope you enjoy!

Arcade:

At first he’d pull his arm away at the sudden contact of their pen on his skin, (he’s a little sensitive) but once he realized it was just Six back on their bullshit, he’d allow whatever it was they were doing.

“Was that entirely necessary?" He'd say, once he made out their name on him, "Were you afraid you’d lose me in the crowd of other charmingly handsome and intelligent men in white lab coats?” Once Six explained, Arcade would be taken aback. Some little doodle he assumed that they did out of boredom was actually… sort of touching?

He didn’t expect the smile that came unbidden to his lips at his partner’s words, and he would try to play it off as a smile born from humor, as he rolled his eyes in response to Six’s explanation. However, if ever Six turned back to look at their partner as they traveled, they would notice Arcade’s other hand coming up to stroke at the letters on his skin every once in awhile as he walked. Six also might find it interesting that Arcade would leave that sleeve of his white overcoat rolled up to his forearm for as long as the letters were still visible.

Butch:

“You’d better not be drawing something nasty on me.” Butch had his eyes closed as he and Lone lounged on the couch in Moriarty’s Saloon. He brought a nuka cola to his mouth without peeking, waiting to hear Lone’s inevitable giggle as he called out what they were clearly doing. Oh, they are so busted. Thinking I’m asleep? They should know better. I’ll get 'em back. He thought, but, it was odd, he heard nothing as he set his bottle back on the table beside him. When the pen was pulled away from his arm, Butch finally decided to take a look at what they had done.

Their… name? That wasn’t particularly funny, or even crude… Why had they written that on him? Butch would ask them about it as they tucked their pen away in their travel bag, and once they explained, he’d be a little dumbfounded. Until he remembered.

Every possession that meant something to his partner, from their prized Grognak comic, to the holotape with their favorite songs on it, and even their favorite teddy bear they’d had since they were a baby, (the same one Butch had stolen from them when they were younger, until they had cried so much that their dad finally took it back for them and berated him for stealing it), they all had Lone’s name written somewhere on them. And, as far as Butch knew, they had lost all of those possessions, when they had first left the vault. But not him. No, Lone still had him, this favorite of theirs, and Butch wasn’t going nowhere. He’d pull his marked arm tightly around them in an effort to express what he couldn’t with his words, and he’d think about the possessions that he, himself treasured, and realize how little they meant in comparison to this person pressed against him. Maybe he’d write his name on them, too.

Cait:

“Can’t just quit there, luv. I’d like a whole sleeve, thank ya very much.” Before Sole could even explain what they were doing, Cait was all over it. The couple had decided to take the day off, they’d been blissfully sitting beside one another on the couch in Sole's home, just drinking and chatting, and Cait was even close to dozing off.

Perhaps she even would allow herself to nap a bit as Sole continued their lazy doodling on her. When she did wake, and Sole explained their reasoning behind their name on her, she’d be a little conflicted. Cait had been referred to as a possession for a good portion of her life, and she’d despised the thought of it just as long. Yet… somehow, belonging to Sole didn’t seem too bad.

“Fine.” She’d say, “But you better not be forgettin’ one thing there, lassie/lad. Yer mine too.”

Curie:

“Oh! Is zhis traditional in romantic human relationships?” She looked down in wonder at Sole as they drew in their name on her arm.

“It iz not permanent, iz it?” The synth would prod at her marked skin with a finger, rubbing to see if the ink came off at her touch. Sole would assure her that it would eventually come off, and then give her their explanation behind their action, giggling the whole while at their partner’s curious poking and enthusiastic expression.

“Mon amour, I am touched you would think of me as your own. Iz zhere a way for me to return zhe expression?”

Danse:

Danse's arm jerked at Sole's sudden contact, and they held still for a moment, looking up at him with a question in their eyes. The ex-soldier often embarrassed himself like this, displaying his distinct lack of experience with intimate acts whenever Sole was good enough to attempt them. But once he was over the initial shock of their touch, his eyes merely followed Sole's hand movements as they brushed their fingers over his skin.

He allowed himself just a moment of relaxation, closing his eyes so he could focus better on the light brush of their skin against his. When they had finished, and Danse opened his eyes and noticed their handiwork, he'd be genuinely curious, asking if they could explain the reasoning behind their action as he peered down at their name on his arm. When Sole told him why they'd written their name on him, he felt a warmth grow in his chest. He was their favorite? No one's ever told him that before.

Danse would have trouble knowing exactly how to respond, but as Sole patted his arm and turned to walk away, he'd just remain staring down at their name. The name of the person who meant so much to him. He'd adore the fact that they saw him as theirs. He wouldn't outwardly display the writing on him, but every time he uncovered it, Sole could see the way his gaze lingered as a smile unconsciously spread across his face. Danse had never really had a family before, but this made him feel loved, made him feel like he belonged here by Sole's side, and like he was wanted and needed in a way he never had been before.

Deacon:

The spy really wished he could show off the name proudly, but there were two reasons he simply couldn’t. First off, he was undercover much too often to bear a mark as recognizable as a name on his skin, and second, well, the second reason was even more important to him.

Though strangers might not have thought much of it, the others at the Railroad were well aware of he and Sole’s relationship, and, of course, none of them knew the pair beyond their aliases. But Sole had written their name on him. Their real name.

Deacon had known a great deal about Sole when he had initially gotten his intel on them, but the name of the 111 vault dweller, the man/woman out of time, the frozen tv dinner, he’d heard stories about all of them, but never did their true name make its way to his keen ears. This name on him, it was the big reveal; it was them, it was their affection, their acceptance, their love, their trust, it was completely, truthfully Sole.

Deacon felt almost guilty not returning the favor and revealing his own name to his partner. He wasn’t ready for that yet, but on the day he decided he was, perhaps Sole would wake up with an unfamiliar name written on their arm by the one they loved. By the one who belonged to them.

Hancock:

The ghoul would grin nice and big at Sole’s words as they explained the writing on his arm. Hancock hadn’t even noticed what they had done until they told him about it, he was always just content to feel them touching him in any way, so them drawing on him wasn’t a particularly uncommon experience. But it was one he adored nonetheless, and after Sole told him their reasoning behind their name on him? He just has to hope that Sole likes where and how they wrote it, cuz it's gonna be there awhile. Goodneighbor has one hell of a tattoo parlor, and that's the next place Hancock would go.

He can't help but grin each time the word on his forearm catches his eye, causing a stirring satisfaction in his chest at the thought of having Sole's name be a part of him now, just acting as yet another reminder that he will always be theirs.

MacCready:

MacCready could be so damn squirmy in public, but sometimes back in the VIP room at the Third Rail, he and Sole could just relax. They didn’t have to worry about every settler and their mother lining up to add another task to their never ending to-do list. No, now the pair finally took the time for a bit of a break.

MacCready was resting his head on his partner, one arm draped over their shoulder, nearly dozing off as Sole’s hand held onto his. He’d barely noticed when they snaked their fingers out from in between his, instead coming up to wrap gently around his wrist as their other hand, armed with something sharp, cold, and wet, made contact with his forearm. He jerked, but Sole’s grip on him only tightened, holding him firmly in place.

“What the heck? Oh.” As soon as he noticed the trail of dark ink the pen was leaving on his arm, he’d relax a bit, but still keep his eyes trained on the forming shape.

“You’re not, uh, not gonna draw anything inappropriate, are you?” Years of time spent among immature children have rendered the mercenary wary of ink on his skin, but he’d like to think he could trust Sole. As they pulled away and he noticed their name, he’d be… confused? Giving them a questioning look as they turned back to face him. The both of them were getting sleepy, he could see it in Sole’s eyes, but before they drifted off, they told him what their parents had said about writing their name on their favorite things. MacCready wouldn’t say anything, only nod to them as his deep blue eyes flooded with affection for his sweet partner. As they leaned into him, he’d press a small kiss to the top of their head, wrapping his arm around them all the more tightly as he let his cheek knock against the spot where his lips had been but a moment ago. He’d make sure their mark remained visible and on his arm for as long as he could stand without washing it away. Then he’d see if they could rewrite it, as many times as it took before they decided if they wanted to take his own name, then he wouldn’t really need the writing. He’d already have a ring to show that he was theirs.

Nick:

"Hey, whachya got there, kid?" Nick peered over at Sole as they held onto his arm. They often had to find ways to entertain themself when he was reading through case files, but this was the first time they had resorted to drawing on him.

He'd look on curiously as the pen moved over his good arm, and a little grin would light up his golden eyes as he made out their name.

"Careful now, folks will think that's my name written there. Might get confusing." The synth would joke, but once Sole explained the reasoning behind their name being on his arm, all Nick could do was gaze at them lovingly, a little half-smile playing at his lips. Sole's affection for him, their sweet, gentle possessiveness, it made him feel like his own person, made him feel human. Any time he felt inadequate, or artificial, when strangers looked at him as though he were nothing more than a hunk of metal and fiberglass, he would rest his skeletal hand over the words on his good arm, to remind himself that Sole never saw him that way, that they saw him as being enough for them, and they wanted him to be theirs, no matter how others perceived him, or how he perceived himself.

Piper:

“So that’s your real name! Perfect, now I won’t have to call you ‘Blue’ all the time.” Piper’s playful little smile lights up her whole face before Sole even gets a chance to explain why their name was on her arm in the first place. Once they do however, (after acknowledging her joke because they’re contractually obligated to laugh at Piper’s jokes now that they’re in a relationship with her), she’d bite her lip and look away in embarrassment.

The strong-willed reporter wouldn’t necessarily want to admit that she’s Sole’s possession, but… It does make her feel all fuzzy inside when she thinks about it. I’m theirs… so that must mean...

“Aww, c’mere Blue. I like this tradition of yours, even though I think it's a liiiiiitle outdated.” She’d whip out her own pen and do the same to her partner, writing her name in huge cursive letters for everyone to see. Grabbing Sole’s hand, she’d let their marked arms twine together as they held hands and strolled around the city.

Preston:

He’d smile down at them the whole time as they wrote out their name on his arm, holding it straight out so they’d have easier access to their canvas.

“Mm, I think it looks good there, babe.” The minuteman loved moments like this, where he felt like him and Sole were more than what the world tended to see them as. Not just a Commander and their 2nd, but two halves of a whole, partners in all aspects of their lives.

When Sole told him why they’d written their name on him, his heart would swell. Preston always knew that he belonged to Sole, after all, without their love… he likely wouldn’t even be here. But this knowledge that Sole also knew that he was utterly theirs? It would do things to the Lieutenant, things like give him certain ideas about a certain ring that he had bought in Diamond City for a certain special moment. It had been impulsive of him to buy it so early on in their relationship but Preston knew how deep his feelings went for his General. He’d been nervous that they might not feel as strongly as he did early on, but now it seemed that Preston would need to find the perfect time and place, and see if Sole wanted more than just their name on his arm to show the world that he was theirs, and that they were his.

X6-88:

The courser once considered himself the sole property of the Institute, as coming from and ultimately belonging to the organization, and to Father himself. In the beginning, after he had first met Sole, he wasn't sure if his loyalty would ever change to reflect the devotion he had to Father, and he had been right to assume it wouldn't. No, his loyalty to Sole far surpassed that of his devotion to Father, and even, to the Institute as a whole.

He wasn't sure when it happened, when he had made this subconscious decision to devote every action he made to the person always at his side, to care for them and about them, to love them, even though X6 believed he was utterly incapable of such things. It had been easy to believe that was true, that he could never want anything beyond what he had been taught to, beyond what the Institute forced him to, until Sole came along… Now, he didn't even know if what he was feeling was love, no one had ever explained love to him. Why would they need to? He was a courser, he had no need for such feelings, it would be considered a fault, a lapse in the artificial judgement of the machine that had created him. But how could this feeling be anything else, when it was only Sole that he willingly and enthusiastically gave all his time to? When he couldn't stand to be away from them, even for a day? When his chest ached and his stomach fluttered and his mind clouded with thoughts only of the person at his side? He concluded that it had to be love. Or perhaps, even something stronger.

They could write their name on his arm, they could write it anywhere, as many times as they wished, because what they said about him being their favorite possession? About him belonging to them? It was true. X6 was utterly theirs.

[pwarkluv]

❝ idk you yet ❞ - p.js

park jisung x reader | angsty, fluff | 1.6k words 

WARNINGS | TW: mentions blood, abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, smoking, lowercase au, non-idol au, high school au, badboy!jisung, mature language/cursing, reader is like an angel sent from heaven for him, jisungie just in need of love :(

SUMMARY | being an outcast has him wondering if he’ll ever be happy. cue you, the new girl, stumbling into his life (literally).

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “idk you yet” by alexander23! also AHHH this is my 100 followers special fic :) THANK U LOVES FOR 100 IM SO SHOCKED CJSBFKEJD <33 the writing is a little crappy because i’m currently on my period and my patience for sitting down and writing this went down halfway through lol but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, ENJOY THIS JISUNG FIC BC JISUNG MY BABIE AND SO ARE YOU GUYS!

whenever anybody thinks of park jisung, they think of the chains and dark clothing he wears. they think about the faint smell of smoke and men’s cologne that follows him wherever he goes. 

they think of the boy who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. 

but what they don’t think about are bruises on his face he fails to hide whenever he walks into school, the dejected look on his face whenever random people give him disapproving looks, the way his smile slowly faded into a permanent frown wherever he went. 

jisung quickly accepted his reputation at school and in their little town, not having enough energy to feel insecure about it like before.

the only group of people that even remotely cared about the boy were his best friends in the whole entire world, nct dream.

they were outcasts just like him, the most “fucked up group of boys” in their town (the people’s words, not theirs).

see, they were your typical bad boy group straight out of your typical fanfic. bad grades, smoking in their free time, getting into fights, always being late to class; not a single person had hope in them.

but behind their scary and intimidating facade, all seven boys were big softies with misunderstood hearts and difficult backgrounds.

people were just too dense to look into it, only judging them based on their looks and personality on the outside. 

❝ how can you miss someone you’ve never met ❞

love was a foreign thing to jisung, the only form of love he’s ever felt being from his friends. his parents were… interesting to say the least. 

jisung’s father was a hard-core alcoholic, his mother being a major druggie. with no siblings in the house, jisung was usually their main target to push around and beat up.

and so because of this at a young age jisung learned to distance himself from other people and found different ways to release stress.

he started smoking when he was 14, the warm and hazy feeling of the smoke entering his lungs comforting him.

if jisung humored himself enough, maybe smoking could count as his first love. it was always there for him, never leaving him alone even if he wanted to quit. 

he relied on it knowing it was the only constant in his life. 

now of course the boy has heard of proper love, love like in the movies or shitty romance songs he hears on the radio.

and he won’t lie, there were moments he thought about what it felt like to be in love. but he knew that would never happen, at least not in their small town anyways. 

he just wanted to be loved. 

jisung would never admit it but sometimes he’d be jealous of the old couples walking down the street in their own world like it was just them two against the universe. he was jealous of the happy kids running around, their mother’s and father’s fondly smiling at their child. he was jealous of all the “normal” kids in his neighborhood. 

jisung wanted that, craved that. 

but most importantly, the boy wanted love.

❝ cause i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

everything hurt. 

his head, his body, his mind, his heart; everything was in pain.

jisung walked down the empty streets of their city, a trail of blood following behind him as he accepted his fate. the boy was 99% sure he had a concussion and at the very least had a few broken ribs. 

he felt like this was the end, and he was ready.

-

wandering aimlessly around town, you decided to take a late night walk to familiarize yourself around the area. you had just moved into the city a week ago, spending all seven days trying to help your family unpack and rearrange your cozy new home. 

now that you were finally free of the smell of tape and the dust of the boxes, you decided it was best to get to know the place you were living in. 

the autumn air seemed to settle at night as you shivered, cursing yourself for not bringing a jacket of some sort. the sight of a convenience store up ahead of you brought you relief as you rummaged through your pockets wondering if you had enough money for ramen.

your steps became excited as you found a couple dollars, fondly thinking about what type of ramen you should buy. you became so lost in your thoughts you didn’t even notice the poor boy who was staggering in front of you, or the trail of blood he left behind. 

-

jisung pushed himself to reach the convenience store a couple feet away from him, in desperate need of supplies to at least try and fix himself. 

if it didn’t help in any way then oh well, maybe death was indeed an option. 

grinding his teeth though the pain, he did not expect to feel a small body bump into him. had he been at his regular health, jisung would’ve easily been able to keep still but because of how much blood he was losing the boy was knocked down like a bowling pin.

“holy fuck.” jisung cursed the feeling of the concrete floor colliding with his ribs. he didn’t even notice the girl who had bumped into him sitting on the floor dumbfounded, freaking out over his state.

“oh my fucking god.” the girl said, capturing his attention. jisung glared at the stranger, mentally acknowledging the fact she was pretty. 

but her being pretty won’t get you anywhere, he scolded himself. she’ll leave you just like everyone else.

“a-are you okay?” she said, eyes glancing at his black eye. jisung rolled his eyes, already annoyed. “does it look like i’m okay?” he replied, his deep voice catching the girl off guard. 

“just, fuck off.” jisung said closing his eyes as he laid back down on the floor, knowing he couldn’t force himself to get up anymore. he didn’t even have to open his eyes to know she left, hearing the sound of her footsteps walk away.

the boy sighed as he laid idly on the floor, wondering what sin he committed to lead him to where he is now. not even she wanted to stay, the tears threatening to fall as his thoughts buried him alive.

“why can’t i just die?” jisung said out loud, asking no one but himself.

“because i won’t let you.” a voice replied as jisung forced himself to sit up in confusion. it was the same girl he had bumped into, but this time she had a first aid kit with her. he gave her a lost look despite knowing what she was here to do. 

jisung’s mind just couldn’t wrap around the fact that a total stranger would even bother to help him. 

“now sit up.” she said softly as she bent down to open the box, the boy slowly followed her instructions. “i’m sorry this might sting.” she said though jisung didn’t mind because she was much prettier up close.

-

the next ten minutes were you trying to fix his wounds against the shitty chairs outside the convenience store.

jisung didn’t even bother mentioning his broken ribs, not wanting you to freak out. you cleaned up what you could and the boy was beyond grateful for that.

you subconsciously rubbed his back in a comforting way whenever you’d apply alcohol to his open wounds, trying to ease the sting. you held his hand for him to hold and though he was a big boy and had a high pain tolerance, he still gave it a squeeze just to keep your hand there.  what the actual fuck is this feeling, jisung asked himself as he watched your determined figure work on him.

it was cold and in order to better work on his wounds, the boy offered to give you his hoodie which strangely had no traces of blood on it. you gladly accepted, the faint smell of blood and his cologne engulfing you up. 

the sight of you in something so big and so him made his chest swell in pride.

jisung couldn’t even formulate a sentence as you cursed at the time once you finished patching him up, fleeing the scene before he could say anything with a small smile, his hoodie still on. 

❝ and can you find me soon because i’m in my head ❞

the thought of your soft hands on his, your voice, your whole presence; everything about you couldn’t seem to leave the poor boy’s mind. it was now monday, and waiting for his class to start already made him want to go home.

if only i got her name, jisung daydreamed with his head resting on the palm of his hand. the classroom was loud and bright, people occasionally giving him looks but the boy didn’t mind. 

“jisungie~ did you hear we have a new kid?” jaemin asked, poking the boy’s cheeks. the boy only gave him a pointed look before sighing. 

“hyung i don’t really care.” jisung replied, looking back out the window. 

jaemin only gave him an offended look before grumbling a bit. “i don’t know maybe you will.” he muttered under his breath as their teacher walked into the room. 

❝ yeah i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

their homeroom teacher stood in front of the class, jisung tuning out his voice. the boy once again sighed as his teacher called for their attention, explaining they had a new girl in their class. “now make her feel welcomed,” he said before turning towards the door.

“y/n, please come in.” the teacher said and jisung almost fell out of his seat when he saw you walking through the door with the same smile you gave him a couple days ago.

“hi i’m y/n and i hope we can get along.” you bowed to the class, a familiar hoodie you were wearing catching his attention. 

isn’t that mine, jisung thought to himself as he bit back a smile knowing you kept it all along. 

[goatchulu]

jealous! lucifer x gender neutral! reader

Genre: fluff, ig? slight smut in the end.

Fandom: obey me!

Prompt: you find yourself in a fake relationship, and now you're introducing your "boyfriend" to the demom brothers. they don't take it so well, especially lucifer.

Warnings: mentions of drinking, mentions of harassment and stalking, they make out in the end, reader's gender is unmentioned for your imagination (and inclusion).

lucifer takes another swig of his whisky, a slight burning sensation lingering on his throat. no matter the amount of alcohol he consumed that night, he couldn't escape the bitter feeling that was left inside his chest.

the two of you have been hitting it off pretty well for the past few weeks, if he could say so himself. the harmless complimenting and the subtle glancing had turned into ardent flirting and shows of affection overtime. you two were finally going somewhere with your mutual pinning, or so he thought.

lucifer didn't think his small (not so small) crush on you would lead anywhere, really. nor did he think you would reciprocate his infatuation. but with all the friendly interactions you had of late, anyone would assume you two were together in a romantic light.

now look, lucifer prides himself as a person. he was assertive, efficient, productive, level-headed and the voice of reason when stress is most prominent. but as a lover? lucifer wasn't so sure. he assumed you'd like someone more jolly and eccentric like mammon or someone more confident and charismatic like asmodeus. he didn't expect for you to even spare him a second glance when it came to the dating game. lucifer was a busy man after all, and he wasn't the most expressive when it came to emotions; not very ideal for a lover.

but what lucifer also did not expect was for you to bring home a common demon boy and introduce him as your significant other.

let's just say that all the built up tension and courting were all ruined by a single dinner party.

you had gathered all the demon brothers earlier that morning, claiming you had an important announcement to make. you went as far as inviting diavolo and his loyal butler, barbatos, to spend the evening over for dinner. they thanked you for the invitation, but they unfortunately, could not attend because of their hectic schedules.

lucifer, on the other hand, was more than happy to accept your invitation (though he was quick to cover up the smile he held when you came up to him). seeing as he already lives under the same roof as you, anways. his happiness would soon be diminished and grinded into dirty, pathetic, dust, though.

lucifer's eyes narrow as mammon's loud laughter bounces off the walls of the dining room. lucienne, your "boyfriend", had managed to crack the demon up with one of his silly stories about a strange elderly wizard that sold expensive medication made out of fairy wings that turned out to just be bedazzled dragon fly wings. he worked wonders with the avatar of greed, considering the fact that just a moment ago, mammon was cursing in jealousy and resentment as you sat with your newly introduced boyfriend.

luficer would've told mammon to shut up, but he feared saying something far more vulgar out of anger. the previous tension was already eased into a more domesticated athmosphere (credits to lucienne's charm and humor), lucifer didn't want to ruin dinner for his brothers, and especially not for you.

i mean, lucifer felt betrayed, he felt used and-- and played. how could you lead him on like this? but deep inside, he knew there was something else. he felt disappointed, he felt defeated, he felt crushed, he wished he'd done something sooner before this lucienne stole you away from him.

but anyways, back to the dinner party.

"you seem unusually quiet, lucy." asmo teases from across lucifer's seat. the phrase seems to capture everyone's attention, all eyes now on the grimacing and glaring lucifer.

"asmo's right, you haven't uttered a word since lucienne arrived, lucifer. is something wrong?" you chime in, causing lucifer to perk up. the thought of you worrying about his state sent sparks into his heart, but they were quick to disappear when lucienne asks him the same question.

"i'm fine." he replies to your concern, unable to hide the venom that strung on to his words. this only causes asmodeus to snicker, and leviathan to sink deeper into his seat. everyone else watches in concern as lucifer downs another glass of demom whiskey. you're about to ask him again, unsure about his reply, but he stops you before you could even form a word.

"i said i'm fine."

the air is tense, until eventually, mammon gasps out of nowhere. "don't tell me! lucifer is jealous!!~" he repeats in a sing song manner, only irking lucifer even further. no one else speaks up, the whole situation akward enough.

after a while, though, lucienne speaks up. he gestures at mammon, especially. hoping to stop the demon from escalating the situation. "hey mammon, wanna hear about that one time i accidentally professed my love for my eight grade math teacher?" mammon only settles back into his seat, ready for another laughing fit. the avatar of pride snaps at this, slamming his fists down the table before abruptly excusing himself with a "i have something to do."

he spares you one last glance. his heart aching with guilt from the way you had lowered your head in shame. lucifer didn't want to make you feel like he owned you, or that you weren't allowed to be with someone else... he just, he has enough reason to justify his anger right now and he really wants to dwell in it. he turns his head away from you, biting his lip to contain the guilt and pain that was threatening to seep out. he doesn't turn to look back as he walks away from the dining room in long and rushed strides.

lucifer walks down the dark hallways of lamentation, familiar with every nook and cranny the mansion had. he sighs in relief as his palm reaches out for a familiar door. it creaks as lucifer walks into his room, sounding just as glum as lucifer is.

he heads straight to his paperwork, silently hoping that they would provide him some sort of comfort. he tries to focus on anything but the thought of you or your unavailability, his mind barely processing any of the words that were printed out in front of him. he groans, his hands pulling on his jet black hair in frustration.

i mean, he should've expected this. lucienne was everything lucifer thought you would love. funny outgoing, caring, expressive, charismatic, a smooth talker and he looked at you with utmost respect and admiration. i mean, who in their right mind would choose old-schooled lucifer over the flawless lucienne?

you deserve lucienne and although lucifer thinks that no one in the three realms could ever deserve to call you theirs, he still thinks that lucienne is more deserving of you than lucifer could ever be. what were you doing to the poor demon? he was never one to admit defeat like this, and he especially wasn't the type of person that'd lower themself like this.

his rollercoaster of thoughts are interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. his ears already familiar with this particular knocking pattern. he can't help but straighten himself up, suddenly aware of the way his hair is all sprawled out. he slicks it down with saliva, muttering a small "enter" soon after he finshes checking on his appearance.

his mood lightens just a little bit at the sight of your face. as much as lucifer wants to hate you right now, he couldn't possibly feel that way towards you. never, not in a quadrillion light years.

you sit down in front of him, a genuine look of concern on your face. this makes lucifer visibly frown, catching you a bit off guard. "i wanted to talk to you about something, lucifer." his eyes grow curious and a bit hopeful, wishing it were about something that would distract him from the current situation or give him even the tiniest bit of closure.

"it's about lucienne." and once again, you manage to crush all his hope with only a few words. lucifer swears that if he hears that name one more time, he would personally shove your lovely boyfriend down the deepest depths of the underworld.

you watch his brows furrow and his fist tighten on his quill. lucifer looks far from happy to hear you talk about your significant other right now. "look, i know you'd rather not hear about lucienne again, but it's really really important and i want you to just hear me out. just this once, please?"

lucifer couldn't stand the pleading look you were giving him. your puppy eyes were a weapon that you used on him often, and they always managed to work. a tired sigh leaves his lips, if it meant getting it over with then he'd listen. "fine," he snaps, not before rubbing at his temple in obvious distress. he's said fine, but his body language told you otherwise.

"someone's kind of harassing lucienne at the moment. stalking him, giving him unwanted gifts and constantly professing their love for him when he's told them multiple times that it made him uncomfortable. they're an admirer of some sorts. i'm posing as lucienne's lover in hopes that they'd back off for a while, but i wanted to see if you and diavolo could do some actual help. it's worrisome, really. and it's been stressing lucienne out for the past couple of weeks. pretending to be his significant other is the most i can do for him, i hope you understand."

lucifer only freezes in shock, guilt washing over him all so suddenly. you call out for him, effectively snapping him out of his short daze. of course you'd offer to help lucienne out, you've always been a kind person. in lucifer's eyes, atleast. he coughs into his hand, avoiding eye contact with you as he degrades himself for his previous selfishness.

"of course, i'll do my best to make sure this harasser is punished. the school and i will ensure that lucienne won't be seeing this stalker anytime soon. just keep supporting him like this, i suppose. tell him he can sleep here for the night. thank you for informing me about this." you smile at lucifer's response, relief overwhelming your senses. if this meant that lucienne was finally going to be safe and unbothered, you were overjoyed.

you jump at lucifer, thanking him, all the while, squeezing the life out of him. his heart races impossibly fast at the gesture, and you can't help but smirk at the red that tainted his cheeks. "just so you know, i still like you. and only you, lucy."

his breath comes to a halt. he was no longer able to contain the butterflies that crowded his stomach; shock and well, pure bliss apparent on his face. "does this mean i can kiss you?"

"do anything as you please."

lucifer lunges at you. capturing your lips into a hungry and impatient kiss. his hands roam all over your torso, looking for anything he could hold onto. he settles for your waist and you drape your hands over his shoulders. heaven knows how long he's been waiting for this moment.

he manages to stumble through his room, leading you two to his bed. you part as he pushes you down to sit at the end of his king sized bed. he grins at the sight of you, disheveled and thirsty for more. the avatar of pride couldn't help but be excited for the faces you'll make in the unholy endeavors he's planning for you. he'll devour you, tear apart every innocent limb you have in your body. his imagination runs wild as he thinks of the many ways he'd mark you as his, exhibit you to the world and spread you wide open for his contenders to see. for them to know just how pathetic and needy lucifer could make you in an instant.

he bends down to kiss you again, pushing against your tounge with his own. he squeezes your thighs, digging his nails deep into the skin under the cloth still covering you. groans and grunts leave your lips as he countinues to caress your plush thighs.

as you two part, panting, a newfound possessiveness overtakes lucifer's eyes.

"you're mine."

[watchmegetobsessed]

Waiting for you - Harry Styles

❄️ FANFICmas 2020 ❄️

Read more about FANFICmas here!

i wrote it over like a month ago, but kept it for today, i hope yall will like it! it’s a cute bestfriends to lovers fic, so yeah... happy holidays, hope you are having an amazing time!

word count: 13k

masterlist

Harry Styles has been a household name around your home, but not for the reason many would think. While for the rest of the world he was the famous singer, former member of One Direction and recent solo artist, the guy who performs at the biggest arenas, wins awards and sings his heart out through the radio, for you and your mom he was the goofy, curly haired boy who lived across the street with his mum, sister and stepdad.

You still remember all too clear the first time you met him. You and your mum just moved into your new home after the nasty divorce of your parents, ready to start a new life. You’ve barely turned twelve, it was quite the awkward stage of your teenage years, you were still trying to find yourself on the rocky road of growing up. Moving to a whole new town and switching schools were terrifying and you had quite a few nightmares about possible outcomes of being the new girl in the neighborhood.

You and your mum just finished unpacking the dishes in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. She rushed to answer it and you wandered behind her, curiously peeking at the guests under her arm as she held the door open.

“Hi! We saw the trucks and thought we would say hi! I’m Anne and this is my son, Harry,” the nice woman greeted your mum and stepping aside she gestured towards the teenage boy standing next to her.

His green eyes fell to you almost immediately and you forgot to breathe for a moment. You were not the kind to crush that easily on guys, well, not until you laid your eyes on Harry. He smirked at you, nodding in your way in such an easy-going manner and you could feel the heat crawling up your neck to your cheeks and ears.

Anne and your mum quickly became good friends. She was the rock your mum definitely needed after such a bad year behind her and you were glad she found support in such a wonderful woman as Anne. Their newly funded friendship got stronger day by day until the two families just… simply felt one.

Growing up the Styles siblings and Anne came and go in your home as if they lived there too. On many occasions you came home from school only to find Anne in the kitchen while your mother wasn’t even home. Anne always knew when your mum was working the night shift at the hospital where she was a nurse and always made sure you had a warm dinner on those evenings, often inviting you over to just stay at theirs while your mum was away working. Birthdays, graduations, Easters and Christmases, they were all spent at either yours or at the Styles home, strengthening the bond between the two families.

You have always had a strong friendship with Gemma, but maybe because you were closer in age or for something else, but you became the closest with Harry. Two peas in a pod, as your mums liked to call the two of you. You weren’t just neighbors or good friends, it was clear to anyone and to both of you as well that you were the best of friends. You were there for each other at the best and worst of times, before and after Harry’s launch to stardom. You were there with him all along, sometimes physically, sometimes just through text messages and reassuring calls when he just needed a piece of his home away from home. Late night calls and talks were your usual when he was on the road and he made sure to only talk about his life after you’ve told him everything about yours, even if the most interesting thing was that you were able to buy three socks for the price of two. Harry listened and cared for everything that happened to you, not letting you think even for a moment that he would forget about his best friend when he is on the other side of the planet.

The two of you grew up together and while his life consisted of concerts, screaming fans, telly appearances and award shows, your mundane everydays went on the same was as any normal young girl’s: you graduated from high school, went to uni and then started a career for yourself. As time was moving it became a little more and more complicated to stay as close as you used to, though, both of you terribly busy with your own personal lives, so the calls, texts and meetings became less frequent, but you were always able to pick up from where you left, it was as easy with him as it could be.

Maybe that’s why you grew to love him in a more than friendly way through the years. Slowly, but surely you started to realize what an amazing man he really was –is. It was impossible not to fall for him, however you valued your close friendship more than to just ruin it with dropping a bomb on Harry. You always thought he doesn’t feel the same way, so you were sadly left with your daydreams and fantasies about him only your bedroom walls heard.

This year it’s gonna be the tenth Christmas you get to celebrate together, quite the anniversary. There were only two years when you didn’t see each other during the holidays, the first one because you and your mum spent it in Canada with some relatives that live there, and the second one was because Harry couldn’t come home a few years ago, having a too tight schedule. But this year, everyone made sure to make it back home in time. Harry called you three month before Christmas to check in if you are still gonna coming home.

“Would be an idiot not to. Can’t wait to stuff my head with cookies!” you chuckled.

“Have you found your sweater yet?” Harry questioned, the muffled noise of the traffic around him broke through the line as he was on his way home when he called.

“Not yet. But I’ve been looking. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna win this year,” you smirked in victory.

“Oh, not so fast with the assumptions, little girl!” he warned you making you laugh.

The two of you had a kind of tradition. Every year, you go on mission to find the ugliest Christmas sweaters one could find, and then perform a chosen song at the karaoke machine after dinner, entertaining the rest of the family. Those performances are the best memories you nurse. Your absolute favorite one was just a couple of years ago when Harry’s sweater was filled with weird looking reindeers in quite inappropriate poses, he even added a glittery pair of sunnies and he sang I Want To Break Free from the Queen. Everyone was on the floor laughing as he took the living room by storm as if it was the Maddison Square Garden filled with thousands of screaming fans, while it was just the five of you.

He won that year, Hell, even you voted on him, giving him the cleanest win of all times, but you swore to live up to that performance and you really feel like this year is gonna be your chance to live up to that promise. You have quite some tricks up your sleeves.

These past couple of years you were anxiously waiting for the holidays to roll around, because you knew you would get to spend so much time with Harry and through the year, even with several occasions of the two of you meeting, you missed him dearly. Sometimes you selfishly wished he would have just stayed the boy across the street so your lives could take tracks that run at least close to each other, but you always reminded yourself that his work was his life and you would have never taken away his true passion and happiness. Besides, you love watching him perform from time to time, that was just one of your favorite sides of him, see his eyes shine so bright as he sang to his fans. You used to envy the fangirls, it always seemed like he had a special connection with them, but you realized that you were one of them. You felt the same excitement when he stepped on the stage, you bought all his albums, even though he made sure you’d be one of the first people to get your hands on it. You had a second copy of them, because buying it gave you the extra jolt of happiness and the feeling that you were a tiny part of his success too. You watched all his music videos, knew the lyrics to his songs and cheered on him whenever he won another award. Difference was that at the end of the day you could call him and tell him how proud you were of him and he stared back at you with that beautiful grin, his dimples digging deep in his cheeks, telling you that he wouldn’t be here without you. You always knew he just said it to make you feel special, but he insisted it was the truth.

“I’m telling you. It you weren’t with me I would have gone crazy already, pulling a Justin Bieber or summat. Don’t think you are any less than what you are, that’s just daft.”

Every time he said something along those lines those damned butterflies in your stomach went crazy and you tried your best to ignore them. You didn’t always succeed, but the effort was there.

 Now it’s two days before Christmas and you are already standing in your old room after coming home from London, leaving your small but cozy little apartment empty until the next year. The walls are still the same lilac color you chose when you were fourteen, a twin bed is pushed against the wall under your window, the wardrobe’s door is littered with old pictures from high school and ones you cut out from magazines. You just never got around to take them down and after a while it brought you a comforting sense every time you came home. A warm nostalgia took over you when you saw them, so they eventually stayed.

Your suitcase is lying on the floor as you unpack some stuff you’ll be using often during your stay, but you don’t get far in the packing when you hear an all too familiar voice coming from downstairs. Leaving your stuff as it is you rush down and throw your arms around Anne from behind, who is standing in the kitchen with your mum.

“My sweet angel! How are you?!” she cheers turning around in your hold to hug you back, giving you a tight squeeze before she pushes you away so she can have a good look on you. “Swear you get prettier every time I see you!”

“Stop it, my head’s gonna get big,” you chuckle feeling yourself blushing a little.

“Never gonna stop praising my daughter,” she smiles and gifts you with a cheeky wink.

Anne was never shy to let you know that she thought of you as a second daughter and you still remember how it felt when she called you that for the first time. It felt nice to know that you could count on her no matter what.

The three of you chat in the kitchen, Anne asks you about your job and how things have been going, she hasn’t seen you in a while. You missed the times when you could just go across the street and have a talk with her whenever you wanted, but since you’ve moved to London, Harry wasn’t the only one you didn’t get to see as often as you would have wanted. Your job and life overall got you so busy sometimes, you barely had time to call your own mum.

“Harry is arriving this evening. Wanna come with us to fetch him up at the airport?” she asks you and of course you say yes. You wouldn’t miss the chance to greet him with a bone crushing hug just after he lands.

However, as the time nears when you’d have to leave to the airport, Anne calls you up and asks if you could go on your own.

“I didn’t finish cooking and Gems is in an online meeting. Would you mind if you went alone?” she asks and though it sounds a little made up, you don’t question her.

On your way to the airport you are nervously drumming on the wheel, the thought of seeing Harry excites and worries you a little. It’s been months since you last seen him in the flesh and though you’ve talked plenty of times on the phone and in video calls, it’s just not the same. You find yourself wondering if he still smells the same, if you’ll fit the same way into his embrace as before. When you were younger you often liked to think about the two of you as two pieces of legos when you hugged. Your frame just fitted so perfectly against his body, he was your absolutely favorite person to hug.

Standing in a corner at the terminal, you keep checking the board until his flight’s status changes to landed. Then your eyes are glued to the sliding glass doors, knowing well it’s gonna take him some time to get his bags and walk out, but you are just way too excited to finally see him again.

People start walking through the doors and your head perks up every time you see a slightly tall frame, only to realize it’s still not him. Until it is.

You can’t bite your growing smile back when you spot him, a beanie and the hood of his hoodie covering his mop of hair, sunnies hiding his eyes, but you’d recognize him even from just the tiniest detail. You push yourself away from the wall as you see him look around, probably searching for his mum and sister, because he was already on his way when Anne decided it’s gonna be you who fetches him up, so he doesn’t know about the change.

“Excuse me, can I get a picture?” you ask teasingly walking up to him and for a moment you can tell he believes it’s a fan who recognized him, but his face quickly changes once his eyes land on you.

“Fo’ fuck’s sake, you had me for a second,” he breathes out, his arms already reaching out to pull you against him and you gladly envelop yourself into his hold. “What are you doing here?” he mumbles tightening his arms around you, and you don’t mind it. As you face is pressed into his shoulder you smile when you realize that he still smells the same. Like home.

“Your mum asked me to come and get you because she didn’t finish cooking. But if you ask me she just wanted to surprise you with me. You happy to see me?” you smirk up at him letting your head fall back so you could look into his eyes.

“Always,” he grins before placing a soft kiss to your temple and letting go of you.

The two of you leave the terminal before anyone could recognize him and packing his stuff up into the car you head back home.

You hand your phone over to him once you hit the road so he can be in charge of the music and it’s no surprise when he starts playing Christmas music straight away. Grinning to yourself you glance over at him and see him scrolling through your camera roll like the nosy little gremlin that he is.

“Hey! I did not give you permission to snoop around my phone!” you warn him, but don’t try to snatch it away from him, there’s really nothing he shouldn’t see, besides, half of those pics have been sent to him through messages.

“Just tryna catch up w’ you,” he mumbles under his breath, continuously opening up photos he is interested in. “New couch, eh?” he asks showing you the screen for a second.

“Yeah, bought it a few weeks ago. You like it?”

“Looks comfy. I should try it out sometime.”

“You never sleep on my couch, what are you talking about?”

“Right, you always drag me t’ your bed,” he snorts and you gasp at him, smacking his chest gently.

“That’s so not true! You always just arbitrarily make yourself comfortable in my bed and I don’t have the heart to kick you out,” you correct him.

There hasn’t been many times when Harry crashed at your place, but when he did, he always slept in your bed with you, and the two of you have shared a bed a few other times prior too. It’s nothing new, though it does have a deeper meaning for you than for him, you think. Waking up with Harry snoring lightly next to you, admiring how peaceful and beautiful he is in this intimate state, you just wish you could see him like this all the time.

Harry smirks at you cheekily, scrunching his nose as he chuckles.

“’Cause I wouldn’t want to sleep anywhere else, Love,” he says before turning his attention back to your phone while you try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the nickname.

It’s quite late by the time you get home, you’ve run into some traffic, but it just meant more time with Harry. You gladly listened to his stories and you are happy you got some alone time with him. Parking up to your driveway you help him unload his bags before locking the car.

“Wanna go to the Christmas market in the morning? Promised Gemma I’d go with her and Michal,” he asks, slowly walking down the driveway towards his home.

“Uh, sure,” you nod smiling. Not that you had any other plans, the holidays are reserved for family and the Styles’ are family.

“Great, I’ll be here at ten. And thanks for the ride,” he smirks waving goodbye and you watch him cross the street before he disappears in his home and you do the same.

“Y/N? Is that you?” your mum calls out when you walk in.

“Were you expecting anyone else?” you ask, hanging your coat before you join her in the living room.

“Not,” she smiles giddily. “Was everything alright at the airport?”

You throw your legs over her lap and she squeezes your ankles playfully.

“Yeah, everything fine.”

“How is Harry?”

“Cheeky and smug, as always,” you huff smirking.

“Can’t wait to see him. I feel like I haven’t seen ‘im in ages.”

“When are they coming over tomorrow?”

“Anne said she’ll come around four to help me cook, the rest I don’t know. Dinner will be done around seven though.”

“I’m pretty sure Gemma and Harry will be here along with Anne,” you snort, knowing well they wouldn’t miss a chance to come over, especially Harry. He has been talking nonstop how he’ll be glued to your hip once he is back home, making up for all the time you’ve spent apart.

“They surely will,” your mum chuckles before you both turn your attention at the telly.

You go to bed way after midnight and finish up the packing you left abruptly when you left to get Harry. Shuffling around in your room you glance out the window and see that the light in Harry’s room is on too. Peeking out you lean against the window’s frame, thinking about the times when the two of you sat in the window, talking on the phone after curfew, keeping your voice down so your parents didn’t wake up, sharing secrets and your silliest thoughts. With Harry, you never felt like you had to keep anything back, he would have never judged you for anything, you could be your true self around him and vice versa.

A tall figure appears at the window and as Harry glances out his window he is quick to see you sitting on the window sill, your head resting against the frame. The two houses are not far away from each other and you see him grinning as he sits at the window as well, pulling out his phone, a moment later yours starts buzzing on the nightstand. You quickly grab it, and go back to the window.

“Creeping on me, eh?” he hums into the phone and you roll your eyes at him.

“Was just admiring the street lights, don’t flatter yourself, your head is getting too big,” you huff, but you can’t push your smirk down.

“Admit it, you were hoping to see me roam around naked, weren’t you?”

“As if I haven’t seen you like that before,” you snort making him laugh too. It’s true, Harry has never been shy to get rid of his clothes and he also doesn’t bother to draw the blinds whenever he is changing. You once saw him butt naked when he was nineteen, and when you told him to close the blinds next time he is changing, he just shrugged with a smug smile.

“’M not ashamed of anything, Love,” he told you and you had to turn away because you were blushing for sure.

“Right, you’re a fan of putting yourself on full display when you’re naked, almost forgot,” you chuckle shaking your head. “Millions of girls have the picture of you, lying naked on their walls.”

“You one of them?” he cheekily asks.

“Nah, doesn’t go well with the vibe of my apartment.”

“Shame. Though I think it would definitely look amazin’ above your bed, Love.”

“Now would it? I don’t know about that.”

“I’ll get you a copy framed,” he smirks and you can see it clear even from the distance. “Y’ know what? I’ll make you an exclusive one. One that nobody else has, how does that sound?”

“I can’t believe you, Styles,” you chuckle shaking your head. “I’m not gonna answer this, just gonna head to bed. You should too.”

“So we’re not sharing any secrets like we used to? Thought you’d have something fo’ me.”

“You know everything, Harry,” you sigh with a soft smile, though your heart skips a beat. He does know everything, except one big, fat, heavy secret you’ve been carrying around for way too long, that will probably stay with you forever.

“Right. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Night, Harry.”

“Good night, Love,” he murmurs and you know he is smiling, thought he steps away from the window as he says goodbye and you do the same before ending the call.

 ***

 “Hey! That’s mine!” you protest as Harry steals another roasted chestnut from your little paper bag, but you can’t stay mad at him when he is smiling at you so sweetly.

“Sorry, tastes better when it’s someone else’s.”

“Sure,” you snort and just let him get as many as he wants. You wouldn’t have eaten it all anyway.

It’s quite cold out in the town, but at least there’s no rain or storm, so the weather didn’t try to ruin your little trip to the Christmas market.

Gemma calls out for Harry to show him something and you just keep wandering between the booths, enjoying the atmosphere quite a lot, you have no idea when was the last time you got to come to the market, though you always loved coming when you were younger.

Finishing up your chestnuts you throw the paper bag into a trash can and turn around to find the rest of your little group, spotting Harry and Gemma deep in discussion next to a booth that offers handmade ceramic mugs. As you walk closer it almost seems like as if they were having a fight, which is just odd, they rarely do that.

“Just get your head out of your arse!” you catch Gemma telling her brother who only groans in frustration before he spots you, a smile plastering across his face.

“Hey, there you are!” he beams.

“Everything alright?” you ask looking at them.

“Sure, just Gemma is being a little nosy, is all,” Harry waves in dismiss. You glance over to Gems, but she is already back in discussion with Michal so you decide to drop it. “You ate all the chestnuts?” Harry asks offended, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Well, it was mine, so of course I ate them!”

“Selfish,” he narrows his eyes at you, but you both know it’s just a joke.

You walk further down in the aisle, occasionally stopping at some of the booth when you spot a place that offers hot chocolate in cute little mugs that you can take home with you if you’d like, or just take it back and get your money back.

“Oh look!” you gasp excitedly and head towards the hot chocolate booth. The old lady smiles brightly at the two of you as you take a look at all the choices. “Oh my god, they have caramel flavored!” you cheer, basically already drooling at the thought of a good, caramel flavored hot chocolate.

“What can I get for the lovely couple?” the lady smiles warmly at the two of you and you freeze at her assumption.

“Oh we—“ you start, but Harry cuts you off.

“A caramel flavored and a plain one, please,” he orders, without even batting an eye about how the lady just called you a couple. You can feel your cheeks heating up at the thought, but you try to calm yourself. He probably just didn’t want to get into explaining that you two are not an item and let her think what she wanted.

The nice lady hands you your mug and you take Harry’s as well as he pays for both of them. You would try to argue with him and pay yours, but you are already used to how stubborn he is and he never lets you split anything, it’s always on him.

“Thank you, have a nice day!” Harry calls out to the lady before the two of you leave. You peek at him handing him his mug, looking for any clue that would give away if this little scene got him just as bothered as it did you, but he looks perfectly fine and relaxed, so you decide not to bring it up. You’re sure he didn’t think much of it.

Your little stroll stretches into the afternoon, the four of you decide to have lunch out there too, then you just opt for a walk in town as Gemma wants to do a quick last minute Christmas shopping, so by the time you get home Anne is already over at yours helping your mum with dinner. Tonight you are all eating at yours, then tomorrow it’s the Styles’ turn to host, this is how you agreed this year.

“Woah, it smells amazing!” you call out walking into the house. The delicious smells fill up the whole place and you hear the two women giggling in the kitchen.

“Hi Honey, how was the market?” your mum greets you, a glass of red wine in her hand and the same goes for Anne.

“Great, we have a new mug,” you say holding up the emptied out hot chocolate mug. Stepping to the sink you wash it quickly and drying off you put it away in one of the cabinets.

You stick around in the kitchen and not so much later Harry comes over, the two of you leave your mums alone and get comfortable in front of the telly.

All channels are filled with holiday movies and you don’t mind, really, you like them all even if you’ve seen them a million times, you still find them funny and cute. Harry feels the same way, so when you settle on Love Actually he doesn’t say a word.

What startles you is that he grabs your ankles and pulls your legs over his lap, a small shriek escaping your mouth since you weren’t expecting him to do that. You’re sitting sideways, your legs are bent at the knee and Harry is kind of hugging them as his eyes are glued to the screen.

You find it rather hard to focus on the movie when Harry’s fingers keep fidgeting on your legs, they keep running up and down, sometimes he lays his hands flat on your knees, there’s no spot he hasn’t touched since you started watching the movie.

About an hour into the film he turns to you and you look at him in question.

“’M in the mood to cuddle,” he announces and starts moving around, not even letting you protest as he basically crawls to your lap, resting his head on your stomach as the two of you lay on the couch.

“Am I now your personal pillow?” you ask chuckling, but you wouldn’t want him to move for anything. Feeling him weigh down on you just feels so warm and simple but amazing.

“The best one,” he mumbles, bringing a hand to your side as you let your fingers comb through his curls.

You keep massaging his scalp and he lets out soft moans when you go over a soft spot, you can’t help but chuckle as he melts under your hands. His fingers start drawing circles on your side and the movie is long forgotten by you, all you can focus on is how great it is to have Harry so close to you. He is known to be a physical person, you are used to hugs and touches, but it seems like he is a little needier now than the usual.

You don’t mind it though, you just try to enjoy the moment, because it can end anytime.

Gemma and Michal come over a little before seven, and while your mums finish up the cooking the four of you set the table. You grab the crystal glasses and start placing them to the table, Harry lending you a hand. Once the table is all set you shuffle into the kitchen to see if there’s anything you can help with, Harry following you behind, placing a hand to the small of your back.

As you stand and wait for you mum to finish up the meals so you can help carry them to the table you feel Harry’s hand wander over to your hip, giving it a squeeze as he stands closer, so his chest is pressed against your back.

“Harry?” you ask a little out of breath.

“Hm?” he innocently hums.

“What’s with you today?” Turning your head to the side your eyes lock with his, but he just shrugs smiling.

“Guess I just missed yeh a lot.”

“You’re weird,” you chuckle shaking your head, but don’t make an effort to push him away. His touch feels way too good to put an end to it and you just want to be selfish a little longer.

His hands leave you when the two of you help to bring the food to the table, and you almost wish they would just return, but you gotta swallow the thought.

The food is amazing, as always. You all sip on some wine, just having a genuinely good time, enjoying that all of you are back at one place, something that rarely happens now that all three of you kids are all grown up.

At one point Harry rests his arm on the back of your chair, no one seems to notice but you. All these little things have been driving you crazy all day and your mind seems to be playing a nasty game with you. There’s no way Harry thinks of these details more than what they are, a friendly gesture towards an old friend of his.

When Gemma is telling a story about some weird guy she met at work Harry reaches up and pushes your hair behind your ear, his finger lingering over your neck a little longer than you would have expected. Turning to face him you give him a questioning look, not sure what to think about his needy and touchy self all of a sudden.

“What?” you mouth him, but he just smiles at you absentmindedly, curling a strand of hair around his finger, playing with it for a moment before letting go of it and going for another lock. You reach up and pull his hand away, feeling yourself heating up from his touch, but when you are about to let go of his hand he grabs yours, lacing your fingers together with yours as he rests them on his thigh.

“Harry…” you breathe out, glancing at the others, relieved to see that they are not paying much attention to the two of you.

“What? Am I not allowed to touch you?” he asks with a smug smirk and you roll your eyes at him.

“As I said, you’re weird,” you mumble under your breath looking down at your now empty plate. Harry gives your hand a squeeze.

“But like, the good kind of weird, yeah?”

“Shut up,” you chuckle shaking your head at him.

You try to tell yourself he is just needy because it’s been so long since you last saw each other. It can’t be more, you push even the smallest thought to the back of your mind, though it surely lingers there throughout the evening.

He helps you with washing the dishes, you stand arm to arm at the sink as you scrub the plates and hand over to him for drying. He gently hums to himself all along, swaying his hips, bumping against yours. At first you resist it, but then you catch the rhythm and start moving along, so your hips meet in the middle before swinging to the opposite side.

“What’s the song?” you ask finishing up the last plate.

“Just something random,” he shrugs smirking over at you. You hand him the last plate, he is still singing, making up gibberish lyrics to his song and once he puts the plate down he throws the kitchen cloth to the counter and easily grabs your waist pulling you against him as he starts swaying with you to his impromptu song. You let out a small shriek at the sudden movement, but eventually melt into his hold. The humming slowly turns into an all too familiar melody as Harry starts singing Sweet Creature into your ear, slow dancing in the kitchen while you hear your mums and Gemma laugh outside somewhere.

Your hands run up his arms and stop behind his neck as you lock your fingers and let him hold you close, his palms are pressed to your waist, fingers gently stroking you through the fabric of your shirt. You take a deep breath and his cologne fills your nose, one of your favorite scents, sometimes you just wish you could spray it on your pillow so it would always smell like him.

“Sweet creature, wherever I go, you bring me home…” he softly sings, leaning back just enough for your eyes to meet. It feels like your heart is about to burst out of your chest, it’s not the first time you feel so intimidated by him, like you could pass out any moment, but this is a little different. As if his eyes were telling you another story, but you can’t completely make up the words.

“Sweet creature, when I run out of road, you bring me home, you’ll bring me home.” He finishes the song, hums the closing melody and you watch him in complete awe. Your lips part when you catch his gaze move down to them and you swear you see him leaning closer, as if he is about to kiss you. Your breath gets caught in your throat, he is so close, just a few more inches and you’d taste those perfect lips of his, the ones you’ve been dreaming about for way too long.

It almost happens, it seems, but just when that last push is about to set in Gemma waltz into the kitchen and you step back faster than light, pushing him away even though the sudden lack of his touch is more painful than you were expecting.

“You guys—Oh, what’s up?” she asks stopping at the door and you feel yourself getting redder with each passing moment, the heat crawling up your neck, ears cheeks, right to the top of your head. What were you thinking? You let yourself believe Harry would ever kiss you, this whole scene was nothing more than just a friendly moment the two of you were sharing.

“I’m—sorry,” you breathe out making your way out of the kitchen, right up to your room to have some well needed space.

“Way to ruin everything,” Harry snickers at his sister.

“You joking? You wanted to kiss her in her mum’s kitchen?” Gemma snaps at him in disbelief.

“We were having a moment,” he mumbles rubbing his face with his hands. “Up until you stomped in with your big mouth.”

“Well, if you were havin’ a moment, just make it happen again.”

“As if it’s that easy, Gemma!” he scoffs throwing his hands in the air.

“Man up and tell her how you feel, don’t have to complicate it too much,” she shrugs before walking out and leaving her brother alone. Harry growls in frustration, the gears in his head turning wildly as he is trying to figure out how to come clear to you about his feelings.

 Meanwhile, up in your room you get out your laptop and busy yourself with checking up on messages and emails you’ve been ignoring, hoping that the uneasy feeling in your chest will ease very soon. Your hands were shaking when you locked yourself up in your room, but as you get focused on other tasks you slowly gain your balance back.

You kind of even forget that the Styles’ were over, you only realize that you abruptly pulled yourself out of the evening when there’s a soft knock on your door.

“Come on in!” you call out and a moment later Harry’s head pops in, eyes softly falling on your sitting figure on the bed. “Hey,” you smile at him faintly.

“Hey. Thought you were sleepin’s or summat.” Coming inside he closes the door behind him then sits on your plush rug in the middle of the room.

“Just… sorted some work related things out,” you sigh.

“Working during the holidays? Tha’s not healthy.”

“I know, I’m done,” you smile shutting the laptop down and putting it aside. “Sorry I disappeared, I just—“

“No worries,” Harry shakes his head. “Mum and Gems went home, they thought you were sleeping too, tha’s why they didn’t say goodbye.”

“Oh, alright.”

“But I thought we could have a sleepover,” he peeks at you with a boyish smile.

“What, like we did in middle school?” you chuckle.

“Yea, thought it would be fun.”

“Well, I don’t think my bed would fit us comfortably and we don’t have the mattress anymore that you used to sleep on,” you tell him looking around.

“Nonsense, I’m not tha’ big,” he insists hopping to his feet and throwing himself on the bed, ignoring that you’re already there. His body takes up more than half on the bed , limbs wrapping around you as he brings you down to the mattress next to him, you can’t help the laugh that leaves your lips.

“You’re like a gigantic baby, Harry!” you laugh as he keeps you down on the bed with his arm.

“It’s perfectly fine for two people,” he mumbles with a smirk, closing his eyes as his head sinks into your pillow.

“Do you ever get no as an answer?” you ask looking at him in awe. You can never get used to seeing him so up close, like not many get to.

“No,” he huffs in satisfaction, his arm bringing you closer to him and you just giggle at him.

“I’m not sleeping just yet, gotta have a shower first.”

“Do what you want, I’ll be here,” he mumbles but you snort at him.

“You’re not sleeping in my bed without having a shower,” you tell him before you grab your pajamas and head to the bathroom.

You have a quick shower and get done with all your evening business. Returning to your room you find Harry sitting on the floor, his back against the side of the bed as he is scrolling through his phone.

“Does mum know you’re staying over?” you ask him as you throw your used clothes into the hamper, moving around the room while feeling his eyes on you.

“Yeah. ‘S all good.”

“You need a towel?”

“Yes please,” he says pushing himself up from the floor.

“Clothes?” you ask with an arched brow. He just grins at you and it’s enough of an answer. “Here,” you give him the shirt and sweats he has left at yours quite some time ago, along with a clean towel.

“Thanks,” he smirks before leaving to occupy the bathroom.

He doesn’t take long in there, you’re lying in bed already when he returns, smelling like your shower gel, strawberry and melon.

He throws his clothes to the chair in the corner and then lies beside you on the bed. You scoot over to the wall to give him space, but he is quick to bring you closer to him once he has made himself comfortable. You lay your head on his shoulder as you are both scrolling through your phones.

When you had enough, you throw yours to the nightstand, and stay cuddled up to his side.

“Do you remember the last time I slept here?” he asks tossing his phone to the nightstand and bringing his arms around you.

“Mm, was it at my twentieth birthday?”

“Yeah. You were so wasted,” he chuckles and you smirk to yourself

“But you took good care of me.”

“I did. You were so cute, rambling about how much you love me when I took you home from the pub.”

You bite into your bottom lip. You still remember that night vividly. Your birthday party had gone a little wild and you had gotten drunker than you intended to. Luckily, he was there to bring your home and he stayed in the bathroom with you as you threw up everything you ate and drank that evening. Then he made you take a shower, got you fresh clothes out and helped you get into bed. He slept next to you that night, holding you in his arms, gently caressing your back and upper arm as you fell into your drunken slumber. In the morning you told yourself he just did what any other friend would do, helping you out when you were clearly knocked out, but he made you breakfast in the morning since your mum was working all night and morning and he stayed over later the afternoon to make sure you were alright.

What you told him in your drunken state about loving him, it wasn’t just your friendly side, it was your drunken self coming clear to him, telling him that you are in love with him, but he didn’t take it seriously and you were too ashamed and awkward to even bring it up to him after that, so it was all forgotten very soon.

Following that you planned on telling him how you feel, several times. You even wrote a little speech you planned to give him when the time comes, but you couldn’t do it. The fear of losing him if he doesn’t feel the same was stronger than you expected and every time you had the chance to come clear, you chickened out. The thought of losing him as a friend is way worse than having to push your feelings down... forever. You just can’t imagine your life without Harry in it and you can’t risk losing him.

The two of you talk for quite a while, laughing about the good old times, until you both fall asleep. Sometime in the middle of the night you wake up and feel Harry wrapped around you, his head lying on your chest as he is snoring softly. He truly is like a big baby, an arm thrown over your stomach, his legs tangled with yours. Good Lord, how amazing it feels to have him so close to you!

Reaching up you tangle your fingers through his hair gently so he doesn’t wake up, his soft curls glide between your fingers easily and lifting your head you kiss the top of his head before letting yourself drift back to sleep.

When you open your eyes the next time the situation is the opposite, you are the one cuddled up to Harry’s side who is scrolling through his phone with one hand, keeping the other one on your arm.

“Mornin’, sleepy head,” he chuckles softly when he sees you awake.

“Mmm, what time is it?” you ask letting your head rest on his chest a little longer.

“Quarter to nine. You can sleep a little more if you want, it’s not that late.”

“No, I promised mum I’d help her wrap gifts,” you sigh rolling over to your stomach as you push yourself up to your elbows to look at him. “Love the double chin you got going there,” you tease him sleepily and he just smirks.

“Yea? Quite cute, right? Worked a lot on it,” he jokes running his finger over it before letting out a chuckle. “Ready for our battle today?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be. You are going down this year, Styles,” you tell him pushing yourself up into a sitting position. Harry only pushes himself further on the bed enough to rest his head against the headboard.

“Oh really? I wouldn’t be that sure about tha’,” he warns you, but you are feeling pretty confident about your performance this year. There’s no way he can top it.

“We’ll see. Alright, I need a coffee. Want something for breakfast?” you ask him crawling out of the bed.

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

Your mum is already in the kitchen, sipping on her morning coffee while reading the paper. She doesn’t find it even a bit weird that Harry spent the night at yours, it’s been quite the usual for you. Harry helps you make eggs and bacon and the three of you eat together, having a lovely time and you genuinely feel like it’s just like in the good old times when you were still living home and Harry wasn’t Harry Styles, but the boy from across the street.

He goes home after breakfast to help his own mum with the cooking for tonight’s dinner and you don’t do much for the rest of the day, just spend time with your mum, watch movies and relax. It’s nice to unwind after such a busy year behind you.

Not long before five you go to take a shower and get ready to head over to the Styles’ and you pack everything you’ll need for the evening: gifts, ugly sweater, accessories. Harry is going down this year for sure.

It’s a little past six when you and your mum walk across the street, Anne’s Christmas lights are putting the little town house into the spirit for sure. You don’t even ring the bell, just walk straight in, like you always do. The Christmas tree stands tall in their living room and the table is already nicely set. Gemma and Michal are snuggled up on the couch while Harry is helping Anne in the kitchen with the finishing touches.

“I’m rooting for you this year,” Gemma winks at you when you set down your bag in the corner that has everything you’ll need for your performance.

“He’s gonna lose this round,” you smirk proudly, very sure in yourself.

Harry greets you with a bright smile and a tight hug when he walks into the living room, as if you didn’t just see each other a few hours earlier.

When the food is ready you all sit down to eat, and though you’re trying your best to focus on the conversation, you’re getting excited about tonight’s karaoke battle.

“Anxious much?” Harry asks you quietly.

“Why are you asking?”

He doesn’t answer, just places a hand to your thigh stopping it from shaking, making you realize you’ve been probably bouncing it all along. He smirks at you as you just roll your eyes at him.

“’S okay, you can handle one more year of losing,” he teases you and you give him an arched eyebrow.

“Don’t be so full of yourself, Harry,” you warn him, but he just squeezes your thigh again before bringing his hands back up to the table, leaving you a little breathless with his touch.

You all help clean up the table after dinner and when it’s done, you gather in the living room to open gifts.

When Harry’s career launched, the first few years you felt anxious about gifting him, because you felt like you couldn’t give him enough. He had all the money and bought everything he needed for himself, there wasn’t much you could give him. But when one time, you admitted to him this struggle of yours he assured you that it doesn’t matter what you give him, it’ll always be precious to him.

“You thought about me, you took the time to buy something for me, and that’s more than enough, Y/N,” he told you and though it took you time, but you got used to it. Especially when you saw the same excitement in his eyes every time you gifted something to him, you slowly but surely realized he wasn’t expecting a Gucci suit, but a thoughtful gesture.

Gathering in the living room you open the presents one by one and just as always, everyone was quite creative with the gifts. You can’t help but still feel a little anxious when Harry grabs his gift from you. Giving you an excited look he unties the little bow on the top and tears the wrapping paper off.

“Y/N!” he breathes out, eyes softening as he pulls the knitted cardigan out of the box.

“I always saw you wearing all sorts of cardigans and so I finally had a reason to learn how to knit, so I thought I would make one for you,” you ramble as he holds up the baby blue cardigan that has little daisies all over the front. It took you an entire week to just make the daisies, you worked on the whole cardigan for more than two months, usually in the middle of the night, staying up until unholy hours to finish in time.

But Harry’s smile is worth it all, he is beaming, clearly so in love with what you made him, so you breathe out relieved. He then puts it aside and wraps his arms around you pulling you into the tightest hug.

“Thank you, I love it so much,” he mumbles and kisses your temple and you breathe in his sweet scent, burying yourself in his embrace, hugging his waist.

When you part, Harry reaches for a box from under the tree and hands it to you, a nervous smile tugging on his lips. You can tell he wrapped the gift himself, the silver wrapping paper is a little uneven, but the huge rainbow colored bow on the top is the perfect touch that makes it like a piece of him.

You carefully tear the paper off, peeking inside you just see a plain box that doesn’t give much away. Glancing up at Harry you see how he is anxiously biting his bottom lip, even though you’d be happy with a gift as small as a candle. It’s the thought that counts.

“I-I wasn’t sure if this was the one you mentioned to me, so I hope it’s gonna be alright,” he mumbles, eyes fixed on your hands as they open the box, while you try to think back what you have told him about that caught his attention, but you just can’t recall what you wanted to get so badly you told Harry about it.

As you open the box you don’t process what it is immediately, the plastic wrapper making it hard to figure it out, but when you carefully pull out the object, you gasp in surprise.

“Harry!” you breathe out as you pull off the plastic of the old, vintage polaroid camera. It’s not one of these new types you can buy in stores easily, this is a classic, must have quite a history behind it.

Now you vaguely remember talking about longing for an oldschool, vintage camera, but it was months ago and you’ve forgotten about the whole thing since these devices cost a fortune because there aren’t many left from them. But now there’s one in your hands, because Harry not only listened to you, but he remembered and went out of his way to find you one in amazing condition.

“This must have cost a fortune!” you huff, your heart pounding in your chest, though you already know it doesn’t matter to him.

“This face is worth every penny,” he smiles at you softly before you throw yourself at him for another round of hugging. This man surely knows how to have you wrapped around his fingers.

The two of you sit on the floor as you figure out how to make the camera work, Harry bought everything needed, so you have a few packs of films as well. When it’s all done you bring it up to your face and aim it at Harry. It takes him a moment to realize that you’re about to snap your first photo and he tries to snatch the camera away, but it’s too late, the flash goes off and the device pushes out the undeveloped picture.

“You wasted your first snap on me?” he protests rubbing his eyes after the flash blinded him for a little.

“It’s not a waste,” you tell him as you patiently wait for the picture to finally appear.

Slowly, the colors start to show and in a couple of minutes Harry’s face appears, his hand reaching in the direction of the camera, looking out of focus, only his face appearing clearly. He looks so delicate, his eyes dazzling as a soft smile plays on his lips. This moment now will live forever not just in your mind, but on this photo.

 Harry goes out with his karaoke performance this year for sure and you’d be actually anxious about him winning if only you didn’t have the absolutely best performance right in your pocket.

His sweater this year features some really ugly looking penguins and a horroristic reindeer on the back, it’s really ugly and you can’t even imagine who thought it would be fine to make it and then sell it. His choice of music is also excellent, he has a great eye for songs you’d never imagine him perform and then shock everyone with it. This year, he chose Rude Boy by none other than Rihanna, and it’s fantastic, no one can make it through the song without crying. Harry makes sure to put on his best show, even dancing and twerking unapologetically, trying everything to win the battle and you are amazed by his effort. Above all the fun and jokes, he nails the song, that’s undeniable. It always baffles you how he can just slay any and all genres, even the ones that stand a million miles away from his style.

When the song is over, you all cheer for him, because he truly deserves it. He grins down at you in victory, but you just give him a challenging smirk.

“You can just give up now, if you want,” he teases you as you stand up from the couch and the two of you trade places.

“Oh, I think you should be the one to worry about losing,” you warn him grabbing your bag. Stepping to Gemma you whisper into her ear, instructing her to put on your song when you call out from the bathroom, since you are planning on do a grandiose entrance. When she hears what song you’ll be singing she gasps.

“Oh my fucking God, no way!” he looks at your with wide eyes.

“What? What is it?” Harry asks, dying to know what you just told his sister, but you shake your head at him.

“Patience,” you tell him before locking yourself up in the bathroom.

This year, you didn’t find the sweater, the sweater found you. On one of your thrift tours, you were digging up a huge pile of clothes when you came right across it and you knew what you needed to do.

Putting on the sweater you fix up your hair quickly before putting on your party glasses, the one that lights up if you switch it on. You take one last look at yourself in the mirror and smirk at your reflection knowing well you’ll have everyone dead when you walk out.

“Gemma! You can start it!” you call out with your hand on the doorknob, waiting to hear the music. Gemma quickly starts in and you haven’t even stepped out, you can hear a round of gasps.

Best Song Ever blasts through the speakers and you walk out trying your best to imitate a younger version of Harry, wearing the absolute ugliest Christmas sweater ever, that has the faces of One Direction all over it, filling up every inch of the fabric, and all of them have poorly photoshopped Santa hats on, it’s just literal trash and ridiculously perfect for the battle.

You grab the mic and start singing as everyone screams in the room. You jump, sing and even do the dance moves the boys do in the original music video, and when you look at Harry you see him staring at you in disbelief and total defeat. Everyone knows you won, nothing can top this performance ever and you could burst from the sweet feeling of victory.

By the end of the song everyone is up on their feet dancing and singing with you, a mini party forming in the middle of the living room and you all scream the last lines as the song comes to its end.

“I think we don’t even need to vote this time,” you say when the music stops, everyone screaming in agreement while Harry stares down at you, trying to hide his growing smirk.

“Where did you even find this?” he asks chuckling as he takes a better look at the sweater.

“At a thrift store, it called out my name, knew it’d be perfect.”

“It really is ugly, if I’m being honest,” he sighs, his eyes meeting yours again. “And the song… I accept defeat, you earned this victory, Y/N,” he tells you bowing and admitting your victory.

 Later that night everyone is so keen on watching Holiday, you agree to stay even though you feel your eyelids heavily weighing down, threatening to close with each passing moment. You let your head rest on Harry’s shoulder and he presses his cheek against the crown of your head.

It’s not a surprise you fall asleep halfway into the movie, but what you weren’t expecting is to wake up and find yourself not on the couch anymore, but in Harry’s bed. It’s dark, only the moon is shining through his windows and as you turn to the right you see that he is sleeping peacefully next to you on his back, one arm spread next to him, hand hanging from the edge, the other one resting on his stomach, rising and falling in a slow rhythm.

Squinting your eyes you look at the digital clock on his dresser, it reads 3:23 am so you’ve been asleep for quite a few hours now. You don’t even remember him bringing you up here, but you’re definitely not mad that he didn’t bring you home, just up to his room.

Rolling to your side you give yourself a moment to adorn his beauty without fearing he would catch your wandering eyes. Everything seems so perfect about him, the line of his nose, his cupid’s bow that delicately rolls into her lips. The crease between his eyebrows, his soft skin on his cheeks, down his neck that runs into his broad shoulders and inked, strong arms. You truly think there’s no man that could compare to him and you are lucky enough to live your life so close to him, be able to touch him, hear his voice whenever you miss him, see his smile and share a connection with him.

It’s so silly, but you think of him as your personal ray of sunshine in your life. Just the smallest things about him can brighten your worst day, he’ll always have a special place in your heart, no matter where life takes the two of you.

Watching him sleeping you allow yourself to break free from your doubts and fears and scooting closer you shyly curl up to his side, your head resting on his shoulder, but you can’t even make yourself comfortable before you feel him moving under you.

Sucking on your breath you think he’ll push you away, not wanting you so close, but instead, he pulls his arm from under you, curling around your frame as he pulls you tight to him, almost making you lie on top of him. Your whole body is pressed against him and you mingle a leg between his long ones under the soft sheets. You let out a long huff at the warm touch of his body against your skin, completely lost in him.

“You alright?” he mumbles in his sleep laced voice, his eyes remain closed.

“Yeah. Is this okay?” you nervously ask as you lay your hand flat on his stomach. He brings his hand that was hanging from the bed on his other side and covers yours, as he squeezes you tight to his side.

“’M all yours,” he breathes out, his words sending a shiver down your spine. You’re sure he didn’t mean it like that, but it warmed your heart to hear it from him and you let your mind play with the thought that there was more behind his words than a friendly manner.

Nuzzling your head into his chest you close your eyes and listening to his steady heartbeat you let yourself fall back asleep.

 Your morning is filled with coffee, pancakes, laughter and great company. Harry doesn’t let you leave without having breakfast with them, so you sit with the Styles family and laugh about the craziest stories from your teenage years.

“Remember when we tried to run away?” Harry grins at you, his red mug that had white polka dots all over it in his hands as he eyes you.

“Oh, how could I forget that?” you huff and Gemma turns to you with surprise in her eyes.

“Wait, I didn’t know about that!”

“Because we didn’t get too far,” Harry laughs. “We were, what, like fifteen?”

“Yeah, it was a few weeks after my fifteenth birthday,” you nod smiling.

“I had a fight with mum about God knows what, then stormed over to Y/N’s and talked her into running away. So we packed our backpacks and left.”

“Where did you go?” Michal asks with an amused grin as he listens to the story.

“We didn’t want to go into town, running into anyone we know, so we thought we would just go straight out to the meadow that’s there,” Harry says gesturing towards the window. The edge of the town is not so war, and a huge meadow lies there, a little stream running across it. “We walked for quite long, but then it started to get dark and we had nowhere to go, so we just ended up coming back home. No one even noticed we were gone, they thought we just went out to bike or something,” he finishes laughing.

“You knew about this?” Gemma asks Anne.

“Yeah, he came clear the next day, thinking he would piss me off with it, but I didn’t care, he came back for dinner, so it was alright,” Anne explains laughing.

It’s been so long since it happened, but I still remember it vividly, only that it was a more dramatic memory back then, now I can only laugh at it.

“We should go for a walk today,” Harry prompts to you.

“Wanna run away again?” you tease him.

“Always,” he chuckles.

You help cleaning up and agree with Harry to meet outside in an hour to take a walk to the meadow. Going home you take a shower and wash the dishes your mum left in the sink when she left for her morning shift. You put on a pair of boyfriend jeans, a warm sweater and your jacket with your trusty boots and you walk out the house right when Harry steps out as well. He grins in your way as the two of you meet in the middle of the street. He holds his arm out for you.

“M’ lady?” he smirks as you link your arm with his and the two of you head out for your little walk. It’s a gloomy day, might rain later as well, but it’s dry so far, so you’re just hoping to get home before it starts raining. Your runaway attempt wasn’t the only time the two of you came out here, it was kind of your place when you felt like having a break from everyone else. You biked out here, brought your favorite snacks and just ran around, enjoying the stillness.

However it also holds a bitter memory as well.

A little further down among the trees happened Harry’s first kiss and you witnessed it, feeling your heart break to a million pieces when you saw him lock lips with someone who wasn’t you.

Debby Hamilton was a friend of yours in sixth grade, you’d say, your only friend beside Harry and the three of you often hung out together around that time. Debby was a delight, you always desired to be more like her, boys liked her and she knew it damn well, but it didn’t make her cocky and egoistic. You always thought Harry had a crush on her, why would have he? They kind of looked cute together.

It was a Friday afternoon and Harry asked if you wanted to come out and listen to his new cassette he got for his old Walkman he refused to get rid of as technology was evolving. You figured he’d want Debby there as well so you invited her along, but didn’t tell Harry. He never made a move on Debby and you thought he was just looking for the right time.

That afternoon, you were supposed to meet them out there at five, but you didn’t leave until half past five and it takes about twenty minutes to get out there. Though you gave them the alone time technically, it still startled you when you found them under one of the oak trees, Debby leaning her back against the tree as Harry stood in front of her. She was smiling up at him sweetly, saying something to him and you were just about to call out for them and apologize for being late when Harry ducked his head and kissed Debby right in front of your eyes.

That was your first and probably worst heartbreak and you were only twelve. You felt betrayed, hopeless and naïve to think Harry would ever have a thing for you when there were girls like Debby. You left without letting them know you were there. When Harry asked you later why you didn’t come you told him you felt sick to your stomach, which wasn’t a total lie, you had quite the nausea after seeing Harry with Debby, but he didn’t have to know all the details.

He later told you about kissing Debby and you pretended like you didn’t know about it. However they never dated and not long after their kiss Debby drifted away from the two of you. Not that you minded, you had a bitter feeling every time you had to look at her after that, jealousy raging in your chest knowing that she got Harry’s first kiss.

He didn’t bring it up after and you weren’t keen on talking about it, but you still know which tree they were standing under and now as you near the area you see that it still stands tall near the tiny stream.

Peeking up at Harry you see that his eyes are focused on the same tree, but then he catches you looking.

“Memories?” you innocently ask, feeling your chest tightening. You don’t even know why you asked. It’s been over a decade since that kiss, you are both adults, but you still can’t help the sadness that washes over you at just the thought, why would you want to get him talk about it now?

“’S just… that’s the tree I kissed Debby when I was twelve,” he mumbles with a shrug. Biting into your bottom lip you look at the old oak tree nodding your head and before you could stop yourself, you speak up.

“I know.”

“What? How would you? I never told you,” Harry asks stopping, a puzzled look pulling on his face.

“Well I… It doesn’t matter,” you sigh, regretting ever opening your mouth.

“It does. Tell me!” he pleads standing in front of you.

“I know it, because… I was here.”

“You what?”

“I came, I was just very late. And when I arrived you two were standing there and I saw you kiss. I thought I shouldn’t interrupt whatever was happening so I went home and let you two be,” you explain, changing it up a little bit.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why is it important that I saw it? It doesn’t change anything, right?” you ask with a smile that you intended to look innocent, but deep down it’s filled with pain.

Harry opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but then remains silent and you are done talking about it, so you just quietly keep walking, Harry catching up with you a few moments later.

It’s awfully quiet after your revelation, it seems like Harry is deep in his thoughts and though you’re dying to know what’s occupying his bright thoughts, you’re kind of afraid you’d hear something you didn’t want to.

The two of you soon head back home and slowly, but you forget about the whole Debby thing. Harry starts talking again, but he looks a little keyed up still when you reach your street.

“Wanna come over later?” you ask standing on the pavement in front of your house, it’s just an innocent question. Harry nods his head.

“Sure. Is your mum working?” he asks glancing at the house, though he knows she is, the car is not on the driveway.

“Yeah. She’ll be home around six.”

He nods again and you want to ask if he is alright, but you decide not to. You share a quick hug before he heads over to his home and you do the same. The house waits for you in silence and when the door clicks behind you, it weighs down on you heavier than you were expecting. You hang your jacket, kick your boots off and throw yourself to the couch, covering your eyes with your arm as you huff out in frustration. You feel silly for getting upset about such a small thing even after so much time, but you just can’t help it.

You barely realize the sound of the front door opening, taking your arm off your eyes you see Harry walk in, eyebrows furrowed, a worried look on his handsome face.

“Harry—“ “I was waiting for you that day,” he simply says as you sit up with wide eyes, confused about what he is really talking about.

“What?”

“That day, we agreed to meet out there to listen to my new Stevie Wonder cassette, but you didn’t show up, Debby did even though I didn’t invite her out there.”

“Well, I did, thought you wanted her there too,” you explain, startled by the situation.

“I would have invited her if I wanted her to be there, but I wanted to be with you. Only you.”

“I-I’m sorry?” you breathe out, not seeing where he is going with it.

“Y/N, you don’t understand,” he huffs and he is right. You don’t. “I wanted to meet you, but you never came, or at least I thought. Then Debby showed up, I was frustrated that you weren’t there and she was being all nice, telling me how cute I looked when I was worried and it all just happened so fast and… I didn’t even want to kiss her.” He looks properly upset telling you the story and he takes a deep breath before his eyes meet yours with a hard stare. “I wanted to be with you,” he repeats.

“Harry, I’m sorry, I didn’t—“

He shakes his hair, not even letting you finish, because he knows what you wanted to say and that you still don’t understand the meaning behind his words.

“Y/N, I wanted to kiss you,” he then finally says and you suck on your breath as he continues. “Well, not right then and there, but I’ve been meaning to kiss you, I just didn’t know when. I thought that if we have a moment that afternoon I’d do it, but you never came and I was mad and disappointed. I hated myself for kissing Debby, because I didn’t really want to, it just… happened. I wanted to tell you, and I intended to do it when I told you we kissed, but you acted so happy, I figured you didn’t feel the same way about me as I did for you. So I didn’t tell you the rest, but…” He sighs in defeat, looking for words, but he ran out.

“Why are you telling this to me now?” you ask a little out of breath, your head feeling heavy at the new information you just heard.

“Why didn’t you tell me you saw us and why did you go home without a word?” he asks ignoring your question.

“I… don’t—“

“Don’t try to lie.”

Gulping hard you lick your dried lips as you stare back at him.

“Because I was… jealous.” Your voice comes out only as a whisper. Harry’s lips part as he takes two steps closer to you.

“You had feelings for me?” he asks and you just nod your head, not trusting yourself with your voice. “Do you still have feelings for me?”

“I do,” you whisper your answer and Harry lets out a sharp breath as he leaps across the room in your way. You jump to your feet, thinking that he’ll lash out on your for keeping it a secret and you open your mouth to explain yourself, but you never get to speak up because as Harry reaches you, one hand snaps to the back of your neck, the other one to your waist, yanking you against him as his lips crash to yours.

You gasp in surprise, but it doesn’t take long to kiss him back, your numb mind blindly reacting to his sudden action. Your hands snake up to the back of his neck as you pull him closer, returning his hungry kisses. His soft lips feel so smooth and warm against yours and when his tongue runs along your bottom lip you whimper letting your tongues meet in the middle.

He is intoxicating and it doesn’t help that your adrenaline level is up in the sky, you’ve fantasized about it way too many times, and now that it’s happening your body is burning in flames. He kisses you all over and over again, his body pressing against yours hard and when he even leans in making you lean back, you lose balance and the two of you fall to the couch, both of you gasping as you are forced to part your lips.

“Fuck,” you chuckle as Harry is basically lying on you, holding himself up on his arms, but you feel him everywhere.

“’M sorry, I got a little carried away, but I’ve been dying to do this since forever,” he admits chuckling as he lifts his head and looks down at you with those bright green eyes of his.

“Really?” you breathe out, only slowly processing what’s really just happened.

“Y/N, I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you hiding behind your mum.”

“Idiot, you were just a kid, you weren’t in love,” you chuckle, running up your hands to the back of his neck, your fingers playing with the soft curls. He smirks and nuzzles his nose against yours.

“Oh, I was, I just didn’t know it yet.” Leaning down he pecks your lips softly. “I’ve been meaning to tell you so many times, but I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship. Though I was growing impatient these last few years.”

“Yeah?” you chuckle.

“You can’t imagine,” he huffs shaking his head. I almost kissed you the other day in the kitchen, but Gemma completely ruined the moment.”

“I’m sorry I ran away, I was just—“ “No need to apologize. I guess it all played out well after all, right?” he smirks and you can’t help but chuckle.

“I guess,” you breathe out and the smile slowly fades from your lips. “And now what?” you ask quietly, staring up at him.

“Now… We’ll try to make things work. Test the waters. I’m very serious about this, Y/N,” he tells you. “I’ve been waiting for this my whole life so I’m not gonna let go of you now.”

“You have no idea how happy this is making me,” you choke out feeling the tears forming in your eyes.

“Oh Love, please don’t cry,” he begs and leaning down he kisses your tears away. “I’m right here, with you. Sorry it took me so long you get here, but I’m here now.”

“I know,” you huff blinking away the tears as you pull him down and press your lips to his. “I love you, Harry,” you whisper against his perfect lips. You feel him exhale sharply as he keeps kissing you before he lifts his head so your eyes meet again.

“I’ve always loved you.”

 Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought about it!