#future poetry current pain

[crankygrrl]

This post is a trigger warning

Sometimes, I think about killing myself.

I stole that line from a Daisy Ridley movie. It's called Sometimes I Think About Dying. The poster art looks grey, and very indie cinema, and I probably won't go to see it.

I don't actually think about dying much. But sometimes I think about killing myself.

Someone jumped off a balcony on the other side of the building last year. Their body was still on the lawn under an orange blanket when I got home that night. I think about climbing over my balcony and letting go, the sensation of falling, of feeling my body hit the parked cars below. Death has no dignity and that way of dying even less.

I tried to kill myself in 2008, in a Dublin hotel room, the same day I got my Master's Degree. I was drunk and I was angry. I had put all this work into this degree but I was still the same. I realized that no amount of achievement was ever going to make me different or make the pain go away. All my self-doubt and self-loathing was still there. I always imagined how it would feel if I could just cut away all the spoiled and rotten pieces of me. So I tried getting in through the wrist.

Pocket knives are blunter and skin tougher than I'd imagined. But not so tough, either. Sometimes I drive my life at the wall, pedal to the metal, just to see if I can brake in time. I stopped cutting in Dublin because I was afraid of how easy it would have been to keep going. Is that sanity or cowardice?

These things are hard to talk about because it hurts and frightens the people I care about. I don't want to make them collateral damage in my destruction. It's not about them anyway. But sometimes I am just so angry I don't know what else I can do with the feeling. Like if I pierced my skin, maybe the anger could escape. I try putting it on the page, on the screen, and it just. Won't. Go. Away. I fantasize about driving my fists into the wall so hard that I shatter all the bones. And then I'll kneel before a deity I don't know and offer them my mangled hands and the blood of my pulverized flesh will wash away all my sins.

Catholicism has a lot to answer for.

My father died last summer and this is my inheritance. He drank and he raged and he hit his wife and he terrorized me. The first time I thought about killing myself, I was 15. My parents split custody, 2 weeks on, two weeks off. I lasted until I was 16. I left my brothers behind and moved in full-time with my mom. My father never forgave me. I know that because he told me once. Because it wasn't enough to abuse me. The ordeal was never over until I forgave him his trespasses.

I think I hate him. Now that he's dead, maybe I am finally safe to hate him. Fucking asshole.

It would be nice if love were enough. It's not. We had one, last good conversation in the spring. I don't think he liked me very much at the end, and in hindsight, I don't know if I liked him at all. He made me feel like a failure at everything I ever tried to do to make him proud, and at some point, I think I stopped trying. I feel like I've spent my life torn between two poles, seeking his approval on one hand, and refusing to compromise to get it on the other. I feel like that has been a waste of time.

He told me once that he knew that if wrote about him, it wouldn't be complimentary. As I hemmed and hawed, his partner said something about accepting the gift that was given. It didn't feel like a gift, it felt like control.

I think about the painting of Noah and his sons on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and Ham', whose descendants Noah cursed because Ham witnessed his nakedness. I do not have children.

If I share this where you can read it, am I performative and vain? If I post it privately, am I hiding? One day I will tie this rage up in words so I can set it on a shelf and walk away.

[ellestray]

elle's favorite ateez fics. f = fluff ; s = smut ; sg = suggestive ; a = angst. ✧ = absolute favorites, must read. (only adding notes for these few fics to ensure readability for the overall list!) word count in brackets. last updated: may 2nd, 2024

authors; if you wish to be untagged, please let me know!

currently no individual fic for hongjoong, yeosang & jongho. please refer to the OT8 section, or come back for future updates!

성화 SEONGHWA

✧ [11,1k] plastic flowers — @bobateastay ( f ; s ; a ) ↪ note: this fic revolves around abortion, so please keep this in mind before reading. i read this on a flight— and i don't know if it was the altitude, but it broke me. the author beautifully wrote this, in a way where unconditional love, hope and pain are intertwined. one of the most pleasantly surprising and touching reads i've had on this platform by far.

✧ [2,3k] essence — @hwaightme ( f ) ↪ note: this one is for the poetic, hopelessly romantic fics lovers. everything i've read from this author was beautiful so far! the poetry in this fic was so pretty that i felt the need to share it to my friends... although i usually never share fics out of tumblr. i'm excited to read through more of your writings, bai!

[1,2k] the first snow and being in love — @i-luvsang ( f )

[884] 02:36 — @hwapetals ( f )

[642] adoration — @kisshwa ( f ; sg )

[8,6k] both — @hwaightme ( s ; f )

[200] 10:24pm — @hotteoki ( f )

[986] anguish — @kisshwa ( a )

[n/a] bf texts — @hotteoki ( f )

[79] 9:22pm — @cozykpopblurbs ( f )

[1,6k] i'll be with you — @cheollipop ( f )

[519] lazy make out sessions — @crazyforhwa ( s )

[1,2k] realistic sex — @byuntrash101 ( s ; f )

윤호 YUNHO

✧ [13k + 18,2k] unprofessional attraction ; pt.1 , pt.2 , [tbc] — @jk97 ( f ; s ; a ) ↪ note: i was so engulfed into this fic that i skipped a lecture to continue reading. fics that are heavier nsfw-wise usually aren't my thing, but here, every single line pulled me in. hell, i felt even more insane about yunho after reading this. saying i'm excited about the next chapters would be an understatement.

✧ [14k] closer, face down — @ncteez ( s ; f ) ↪ note: again, although i usually prefer fluff over smut, i absolutely loved this fic... the build up made it so enticing! i don't know if a re-edit still is in the works, but i'd absolutely re-read it regardless!

✧ [84,5k] project: make you love me (series) — @hwaslayer ( f ; a ; s ) ↪ note: pulled an all nighter to read the entire series in one go... it was that fun to read! the relationship was built up at a nice, natural pace, while still keeping the reader on their toes. (this made me very excited about the seonghwa series in progress..!)

[1,1k] bedfellows — @sungbeam ( f )

[1,3k] he knows he loves you — @honeyhotteoks ( f )

[2,5k] convenience store chances — @ohmyamor ( f )

[n/a] boyfriend texts — @koizekomi ( f )

[300] nothing sweeter — @i-luvsang ( f )

[1,1k] nsfw alphabet — @yunhobug ( s )

[425] 3:52am — @edenesth ( f ; sg? )

산 SAN

✧ [3,7k] leave the window open — @sungbeam ( f ) ↪ note: so sweet. so comforting. the kind of heartwarming fic that feels like hot cocoa on a cold winter day. (also made me feel insane about san... but let's not talk about that.)

[1k] always available — @everyonewooeverywhere ( f )

✧ [1,6k] capturing us — @03jyh23 ( f ) ↪ note: another sweet, poetic, hopelessly romantic fic— my favorite kind! finding fics like these always feels like discovering a little treasure. looking forward to all the wips!

[n/a] boyfriend texts — @koizekomi ( f )

[2,6k] take a break - @cheollipop ( f ; s )

[249] 21:23 — @petitemingi ( f )

[350] boyfriend headcanons — @i-luvsang ( f )

[600] one more minute — @seonghwaddict ( f )

[1,3k] no strings, no expectations — @seonghwaddict ( a ; sg ; f? )

[468] stretch marks — @beenbaanbuun ( f )

[475] valentine's series : movies — @whimsicalwritingsandmore ( f )

[n/a] instagram stories with bf san — @lwtqts ( f )

[371] hold me — @cheeseceli ( f )

민기 MINGI

[800] untitled — @cheollipop ( a ; f )

[2,8k] mind over matter — @mingisaddctn ( s )

[256] 23:22 — @petitemingi ( f )

[1k] 23:46 — @seonghwaddict ( f )

[447] princess treatment — @cheeseceli ( f )

우영 WOOYOUNG

✧ [1,2k] broke you heart, i'll put it back together — @dairyminki ( a ; f ) ↪ note: loved this so much that i had to read it twice. something about wooyoung hopelessly in love wanting to fix this... name twin, if you're reading this, hi- i'd be seated for a part 2 if you ever have the time to write it!

[2,2k] vacation — @bobateastay ( f ; s )

OT8

[700] when you don't say i love you back — @jjunberry ( f )

[2,4k] romance tropes — @beenbaanbuun ( f )

[n/a] situationships (texts) ; pt.1 , pt.2 — @yunhoszn ( f )

[2,9k + 3k] as boyfriends ; hyung line , maknae line — @honeyhotteoks ( f : s )

[n/a] sex ban (texts) — @kisshwa ( sg ; f )

[n/a] sending you a pic of themselves (texts) — @bombuni ( f )

[1,3k] outfit turn-ons — @starillusion13 ( sg )

[1,2k] make-up sex — @nateezfics ( f ; a ; s )

[944] showering — @seonghwaddict ( f ; sg )

[1,6k] as boyfriends — @atiny-moon ( f ; sg )

[2,5k] that one specific habit they do that highlights their love language — @sanhwaism ( f )

[1,1k] top 3 kinks — @seonghwaddict ( s )

[2,8k] making out — @sxcret-garden ( sg ; f )

[n/a] asking them to draw a flower (texts) — @eightmakesonebraincell ( f )

if any link is broken, or if i made any mistake when tagging fics— please kindly let me know!

[waviermylove]

Xavier Thorpe Headcanons

Hopeless romantic.

Dabbles in poetry, they’re pretty damn good but he’s too embarrassed to show anyone. (Bonus: Wednesday finds the notebook one day and demanded to know the author because she was THAT impressed.)

Loves the rain and thunderstorms.

Favorite book is The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde.

Very good at chess. Occasionally loses on purpose just to see the smug smile on Wednesday’s face when she wins.

Listens to The Arctic Monkeys, The Neighborhood, Cigarettes after Sex, Chase Atlantic, and Lana Del Rey.

Has a Spotify playlist for every occasion.

Has the habit of doodling on himself when he’s bored— his arm, wrist, and fingers are usually covered with sharpie tattoos.

Speaks impeccable French. (His mother was French). Currently learning German to flirt with Wednesday.

His mother died when he was young.

He inherited his looks from his father, but he has his mothers green eyes. (The reason why Vincent Thorpe couldn’t stand seeing his own son—it was a painful reminder of his beloved wife's absence.)

Takes hot showers.

Addicted to the scents of pencils, paints and paper.

Plays Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order on his PS5.

Was sorted into Slytherin when he took the Pottermore Quiz. ( Initially disappointed because he saw himself as a Gryffindor, but when he found out Wednesday was also in Slytherin, that was a total game-changer.)

Quotes Star Wars.

Cat person.

Hoodies, denim jackets, Converse, paint-splattered tees and baggy sweaters. (Wednesday steals them but he’s not complaining)

Wears fingerless gloves and beanies in winter.

Gets easily distracted by random everyday objects, he takes pictures of them on his phone for future reference.

Always carries a sketchbook.

Knows how to ballroom dance.

Wednesday Addams Headcanons

Wednesday x Xavier Headcanons

[the-little-moment]

Nice to meet you! 😊

Hi there! You can call me Lil. I'm in my early 30s and my pronouns are she/her. This blog is dedicated to Star Wars content, mostly Clone Wars/The Bad Batch.

About Me

I majored in traditional art in college and have recently started learning digital art as well.

I love anything to do with flowers, plants, and gardening.

I enjoy reading and writing poetry. A lot of the inspo for my art and writing comes from poetry.

I'm a painful perfectionist when it comes to my pet projects.

I'm married to a huge Star Wars fan whose knowledge, esp. for EU/Legends stuff, far exceeds my own. He's the one who got me to watch The Clone Wars years ago when I said the animation was too ugly. 😅 (It still is in those early seasons; I'm sorry.)

I'd love to make friends on Tumblr, so always feel free to leave asks, comments, or message me.

Masterlist

My art is all tagged as "#the little moment art".

The tag I use for my writing, which is also being added periodically to My Ao3, is "#the little moment writes".

I'm currently working on two main fics:

"Not Just the Carcass, But the Spark", which is an Echo fic,

Part One - Home

Part Two - Regrets

Part Three - Consequence

Part Four - Lost

Part Five - Dreams

Part Six - Heat

Part Seven - Free

Part Eight - Fragile

Part Nine - Hurt

Here's art for "Carcass" too: There's Never Been a Time

And

"Only What Burns You Back", which is an AU of "Carcass" that focuses on Crosshair.

Part One - Out From Under Our Feet

Part Two - Loss

Part Three - Changed

Part Four - Only Smoke

Part Five - The Sniper and the Surgeon

Part Six - Memories

Part Seven - Through the Heart

Part Eight - Choices

Part Nine - Hope is the Hardest Love

Both fics feature my OC, Senna, who is my profile pic. You can click "#dr divehdi" below to see everything related to her, including art.

Febuwhump 2024

Day 6: Broken Promises

Day 8: Love Sees Not with the Eyes

Angstpril 2024

Masterlist

Other Works

Lunch with Clone Command (Senna meets with some of her friends from the first clone command class. It doesn't take long for things to turn ugly.)

The Quiet Part (An injury brings Crosshair back to Kamino, where he says more than he means to.)

A Small Visit (Four years after she was first hired as part of the Republic's secret cloning project on Kamino, Dr. Senna Divehdi is surprised by a late night visit from one of her favorite cadets.)

A Tender Memorial (Dr. Senna Divehdi, Chief Medical Officer of the GAR, reflects on her time with the clone soldiers of the Republic.)

In Another Life (Crosshair can't face his family after all they've been through, especially what happened to Tech on Eriadu. Even though his brother is now recovered from his injuries and living happily with his fiancée on Pabu, Crosshair's guilt forces him away from the others. In an attempt to maintain their life-long connection, Senna moves away from the rest of their family, knowing it's the only way she can still see Crosshair. This fic is an AU of "Carcass".)

The Dress (Echo has never had an opinion on flowers, never even really noticed them, until now.)

Braided Together (A collection of hair stories featuring OC Senna and the Bad Batch.)

The Embers at the End (Eleven years after the end of the Clone Wars, Sergeant Char, one of the last remaining Imperial clone troopers, is forced to trust a traitor when he and his brother have nowhere else to turn. This fic takes place in a possible future of "Not Just the Carcass, but the Spark".)

[palestinian-fundraising]

PLEASE READ AND REBLOG🇵🇸

Help evacuate my cousin and his family from Gaza

Message from the creator:

Dearest friends and family,

My name is Safia Vargas and I reside in California.

Recently one of my cousins from Gaza has reached out expressing how miserable they are with the current conditions they are living in. He’s asked for our help in collecting the funds necessary for him and his family to evacuate Gaza. They are a family of five and it takes approximately $6000 per person to cover permits to leave Gaza and the crossing fees required at the Egypt-Gaza border in Rafah. A donation of any size will help and contribute to evacuating my family members to safety. So please, help us spread the word and gather the funds so we can get it to them as quickly as possible and then they can start the evacuation process on their end.

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for your kindness, generosity and standing with us in solidarity during these difficult times.

A message from my cousin Ahmed:

On the thirteenth of October, the stage of humiliation and displacement began, as the noose tightened so much pain and fear invaded our hearts and we were forced to flee our home (Sheikh Radwan neighborhood). First, we moved for two days to the neighbors’ house, escaping from a horrific bombing next to our house, but the barbaric occupation planes pursued us wherever we fled, so we moved from house to house. During this time our eyes could not find sleep, our bodies became tired, exhausted, and terrified by the horror of what we had gone through until we reached Nuseirat, after covering long distances of continuous walking between violent bombardment of the buildings around us. We stayed there for 21 days, but then the conflict there intensified and we were forced to move to Mawasi Khan Yunis for 45 days, but unfortunately we witnessed the same bombing and destruction that we witnessed in Nuseirat. We then moved to another area in Khan Yunis (the Japanese quarter) and stayed for 40 days, but even here we did not find safety. We then arrived in Rafah carrying our lives on our backs, escaping from a suffocating siege on the area we were in, just to witness the most intense moments of terror and fear, as if death was continuously following us.

Between the barbaric tanks, the flaming shells, and the stray bullets, we lost hope in life. Our fate now lies on the bullet of a reckless, tyrannical soldier, or a shell that could burn through our bodies. After a hard time searching for a place to shelter, we ended up in a tent where it was bitterly cold, searching its corners for warmth and safety. But.. where is that warmth between the thin nylon walls?!! Warmer days have arrived, and with it, its insects and stifling heat. A tent is not a sustainable place to live, in addition to the contaminated food and canned food which we can barely find to satisfy our hunger.

My young son (Muhammad) has become very ill (anemia), and the appropriate food, even the appropriate treatment, and continuous examinations are not available. It's become very difficult...

My two daughters (Hala and Tala) in high school. The occupation destroyed their ambitions and hopes. They excelled in school and had many talents, including writing poetry and playing volleyball. They enrolled in many courses and centers to develop capabilities in many fields, including the English language, artificial intelligence, and others.. Anything left of this has been completely demolished.

We have lost our home, our schools, our jobs, our source of livelihood, our present, and we will lose our future if we do not leave Gaza.

You are our chance to save our present and our future, and you are a vessel to escape death.

Every dollar will make a difference. Spread the word and help save 5 lives.

1- Ahmed Walid Qaoud, 45 years old

2- Samar Abdel Nasser Qaoud, 40 years old

3- Hala Ahmed Qaoud, 17 years old

4- Tala Ahmed Qaoud, 16 years old

5- Muhammad Ahmed Qaoud, 11 years old

Waiting for your support ❤️

I have set up this GoFundMe campaign to raise $30,000 to facilitate my family's evacuation to Egypt. The 30,000$ is crucial to cover the expenses that come with obtaining permits to leave Gaza and the crossing fees required at the Egypt-Gaza border in Rafah. This amount breaks down to 6000$ per person.

[burntblueberrywaffles]

Fic tag game

got tagged by @fangeek-girl ❤️❤️

How many works do you have on Ao3?

I have 7 works but 3 of them are fanfic lol

2. What's your Ao3 word count?

1896 words total. Your girl is definitely one for brevity LOL

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Wednesday, that one drabble I made for The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, and I've been writing for Star Wars (though I haven't posted anything yet) and Mrs maisel (i wrote a whole short fic for that almost a year ago but I forgot about it completely until I found it in my notes apps, I should get around to posting it)  

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I don't have 5 fics total but here's my current count in order:

1-Lies

2-The world's a little blurry

3-Pretend

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes always! the fact that people are READING my stuff and taking time to comment has me 🥺🥺🥺

My writing ao3 isnt linked to my main email adress though so sometimes it takes me a while to respond because I wont see it until I periodically check my fic stats

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

.....Probably The world's a little blurry let's be real (I'm going to fix it it in the next one in the series, I promise!!!)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

akdadhjgsjgd hard to say all my shit is angsty, I guess Pretend?? kind of, it's less of a downer than the other ones. The final part of Come a little closer will have a happy ending though I promise! (already finished writing the end, I just need to write the beginning lol)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No ❤️ I don't think any of my stuff has gotten enough attention for that lol

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

NO my ace ass has no experience with that so I wouldn't know how 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️(I might need to in some future project, fortunately a lot of my friends are perverts (affectionate) so I could probably ask for some guidance if it comes to that LOL)

10. Do you write cross-overs?

No, I'm not a big fans of crossovers in general so certainly have never felt compelled to write one.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No

13. What WIP you would like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

So many ugh I cant even choose, it's more rare for me to actually finish something than the opposite, that's why I'll never post anything unless the whole thing is finished (only exception is my current series, but that's because I felt like each fic making up the series were self-contained enough that they didn't need to follow up immediatly to work? if that makes sense - plus the first one was a one shot and only thought of how to follow it up after posting it)

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

ANIDALA MY BELOVED

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good at imagery and emotion (being a poetry writer goes brrrrr)

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

DESCRIPTIONS oh god I'm so bad at it. My fic are vibes only lmao, what are they wearing? where are they? what movements are they doing? NOT IMPORTANT how about I offer you 12 metaphors on how this character is feeling instead. (though I'm forcing myself to work on it haha)

I also struggle with any longer story arc... there's a reason all my stuff is so short lol

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If it's in french it would be pretty fun since it's my ✨first language✨ hehe. For other languages I'd see if one of my friends speak it but otherwise idk if I'd include it bc I don't want to butcher another language, I've seen too many english authors put french through the ringer it's painful 😭

18. First fandom you wrote for?

I guess Julie and the Phantoms? I never posted it but I had a pretty advanced fic for that. unless you count the 13 reasons why fic I posted on wattpas when i was early teen but we dont talk about that

19. Favourite fic you've ever written?

right now it has to be The world's a little blurry, I just love how it came out hehe

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

none right now.

Anyway tagging @nonamemanga @beri-allen @unlifeira @realmermaid333 @suchaladyy @witchysith @king-crimson-works @theycallme-thejackal and anyone else who might want to do it!

[perpetualexistence]

Sea Monster AU: Poor Unfortunate Soul (1/2)

'What's with the 1/2 in the title, that's new' you might be asking yourself. You see, this part right here was actually originally supposed to be just one Then, I realized I'd need to split it into two, 'Poor Unfortunate Soul', and the next part I'm not spoiling the title of yet.

Then I started going into this, looked at the time, looked at the word count, and realized it's for the best if I just split this up once more. Future Perp might end up renaming this chapter as the title definitely fits more for the second part than it does this one. Time will tell.

Either way, before we get to the post proper: Warnings! Oh boy have we got them for this part and the next!

Content warnings: Non-suicidal self harm, Body horror

Since the content warnings happen as part of a scene like rather than a brief mention, I've separated the more gruesome bits with asterisks. You can look all the way down at the bottom for a safer summary.

<- Prev | First | Next ->

Now that Noah has a book on magic, he has to deal with the problem that Chris could never get past: actually reading it. It's not in any language that Noah can recognize. Still, he's smart and can recognize patterns in text thanks to his poetry phase. He manages to work out the basic alphabet. Now that he's got that, his next step is simple. Create a program that will translate the text as he scans it. He'll get to save so much time, and might even be able to get what he wants faster as he can just search for whatever seems most promising.

The book snaps shut the first time. Noah can't excuse it as the wind when it happens again. After a few attempts, he finally manages to get a good scan of one of the pages.

One waterlogged phone later he realizes why there weren't any references for how to actually use magic on the sea monster database.

Magic really doesn't like cheaters.

So instead he has to translate everything himself using the alphabet he figured out. It gets easier as he keeps doing it, and eventually he no longer needs to look at his reference sheet in order to read it.

Before that can happen, he needs a new phone. Both because he's a young adult addicted to having a screen with him at all times, and because without one he won't be able to talk to Owen, who is currently one of the few things reminding him that there's some good in humanity, and that all of this pain is going to be worth it.

He doesn't have any disposable income. Yes, he has some of the treasures that Alejandro gave him from the ships they hunted. But the problem is actually selling those. Now that people are noticing the disappearances (thanks Alejandro), he can't exactly sell anything identifiable from those very ships that have 'gone missing'. His lazy ass had just sat on them assuming that he could sell them whenever he pleased.

Present Noah would slap Past Noah if he could.

So he goes to his mother to ask for a new phone. Which is a task in itself given her multiple jobs. He'd text her, but that's part of the problem. He'd also prefer not to get his older siblings involved because they'd just ask questions. The one good thing about having an overworked mother is that she rarely questions why you want things, and as the baby you can exploit this to its maximum potential!

Noah's a terrible son.

He'll make it up to her when he actually does manage to sell off his stolen goods. Like a criminal. Which he is. As an accessory to murder. Multiple counts.

He can either think about this too hard or he can have a new phone.

So he manages to track her down and asks her for a new phone. He doesn't ask for anything fancy, just something that works. She looked at him, gave him an all too familiar rueful smile, and told him they don't have the money right now, though he can try using one of his siblings' older phones.

Noah's not too surprised by this answer. Living as they are, it's always a gamble for when they do have spare cash. What does concern him is the look in her eyes of someone who doesn't want to burden others. Not just the burden of saying no.

The burden of hiding something. And there's only one things he's ever tried to hide from him. The loan shark's back.

He does this every once in a while. Usually when they're getting too close to fully paying him off. He'll hike up the interest rate or make up some bullshit fee. He'll expect a big immediate payment, and then lay off for a while until he's ready to wring them by the neck again.

He'd have pushed the bastard directly into Alejandro's mouth himself if he wasn't so good at covering where he was. The fact that he's in town means he's going to stay a while. There's no telling when he'll move out, or if he'll even do it by boat.

That's a problem for another time, as much as he loathes to leave it hanging. He's got to get more money from somewhere else. Not just for the phone now, but to get the loan shark off his family's back again.

Noah remembers Duncan. The guy made his reputation as a delinquent known just from the five seconds he got to know him, and spoke about going to juvie. It'd be a risk, but Noah's running low on options. He's not about to watch his mom work herself ragged again.

He gets in touch with him Duncan via Owen. After assuring Owen that no, he's not dead because it's been two full days since he texted, no he's not mad at him either, he just dropped his phone in some water. Luckily for him, Owen's willing to help the two meet without asking too many questions.

Duncan, meanwhile, has plenty of questions. First of all, who Noah thinks he is just asking for Duncan to fence stolen goods for him. Second of all where someone like Noah would even GET stolen goods. Noah lets him know that he can either have answers to those questions, or he can get a profitable cut. Duncan begrudgingly agrees (which has nothing to do with the fact that Noah accidentally lets slip why he needs the money, and Duncan's still got a bleeding heart).

Noah starts with just enough money for a new phone. He can't just dump everything onto Duncan, because then his curiosity/suspicion would definitely outweigh his willingness to help Noah.

Now that all of that is settled, he can finally get back to translating and studying magic.

He learns that in order to use magic, he needs proper tools to do so. And he can't simply buy these tools. No, for the magic to work properly, Noah needs to make these tools. The making imbues them with his essence and makes it so the tools will only ever work for him. Since he's working with sea magic, he's got to use it from materials he finds underwater.

The only place underwater he can safely look without Alejandro catching on is an underground cove he found connected to Chef and Chris's place. Which limits his options severely. So he decides to keep on reading for the actual spells to see what he'd actually need before figuring out how much of a migraine he's going to have.

One thing he notices rather quickly is that all of these spells must be prepared and performed underwater. This part wouldn't be a problem if not for the fact that unlike merfolk, Noah does need oxygen. So solving that problem takes priority.

He finds that solution in a ritual that will give him gills. However, it presents him with a choice. For there's two different branches of magic: the slower, safer process and the faster, more painful process. In this case, Noah can either take the time and effort needed to gather ingredients for a potion that will give him gills that he can open and close at will...or he can make himself a permanent set of gills.

Noah would love to pick the first one. But the longer he takes, the more Alejandro will eat, and the longer he stays a threat. So the second option it is. He starts wearing a scarf and uses the perpetually cold lie. Mostly for Alejandro's sake. Which is good because Alejandro does 'playfully' remove the scarf to see what's underneath the first time he sees it, and once satisfied that there's nothing, doesn't mess with it like that again.

Now Noah needs a knife of coral. Noah's lucky that the new cove he's in has agatized coral. With it being fossilized, it's old and has more of a connection with nature, making it a perfect magic implement. Noah's able to get pieces out, but now he has to make a knife out of it.

Who better to ask but the resident knife expert?

Noah does need a more reasonable excuse for this one, so he pretends that he only needs to learn how to make a knife due to self defense because he's getting paranoid with all the disappearances. Duncan points out that that's bullshit because Noah could just buy a knife then. Why the hell does he need to learn how to make one?

Duncan's asking too many questions, so Noah throws his hail mary. If Duncan can stop asking questions about pretty much any of Noah reasons and helps him out with learning how to make a knife and maybe a few other things, he'll use his hacking abilities to get rid of Duncan's criminal record. That's an offer Duncan simply can't refuse. So Duncan agrees to teach him, and over time, Noah crafts his knife of coral. He adds the runes that he needs to enchant it by himself. Both because that's meant to be a private affair, and so Duncan doesn't say anything despite his bought silence.

Now to actually do this.

***

Noah gets all the underwater runes and preparations done one dive at a time. He also makes sure to get makeshift medical supplies for himself. He's doing this as close to the surface as he can in case everything goes to shit. He'd prefer not to bleed out.

He stares at the knife in his hands. He's actually going through with this, isn't he? No going back. There will be permanent evidence that he's taking a stand against Alejandro if he finds it. The whole 'sea monster vs. sea witch' conflict he'd read about doesn't promise anything good when Alejandro realizes he's using magic.

He could seriously screw himself up. He's a genius, but he's no medical expert. One wrong cut and it's lights out forever. One wrong move and he's fish food either way. He's come so far, he can't afford to let himself get choked up now.

He slices the right side of his neck before he can let himself doubt any more. He's unable to stifle a yell of pain. He loses precious oxygen when he's just started. He has to finish or else this won't work.

He slices the left side of his neck to keep it balanced. More oxygen lost. Now that he's cut both sides of his neck, he can feel the cuts throbbing. It feels like the cuts are burrowing themselves deeper than he made them. They are creating new passageways into his lungs and they burn.

His instincts kick in and he begins to swim for the surface. The runes he set forth earlier start to glow and he finds himself unable to move far from the spot he started in. He's holding his breath in for as long as he can. There are more cuts to be made but he wants to pass out now. But he can't. He has to keep going.

It's when he starts making the second cut on the right side of his neck that he feels his first set of gills go from a burrowing sensation to a throbbing one. He's about to pass out, but it should be safe now. He just needs to breathe.

It's a battle of sheer will over his instincts to force himself to breathe in while underwater. He feels water go in through his gills yet not through his throat like an injection. It is shoddy and feels like when Noah is so congested he can only breathe through one nostril. That would likely be why he needs three pairs of gills total.

***

With at least enough air not to die, he forces himself to finish the ritual. By the end, he's underwater, breathing in and out. It's no longer panicked as he forces himself to take nice deep breaths. He has to pinch his nose shut to stop himself from instinctively breathing through it when underwater. He'll either stay here or keep coming down until breathing underwater comes more nautrally.

He still can't believe he's even thinking that. He's actually breathing underwater. He did magic. It can be done. This crazy, stupid plan of his might actually be doable.

It's a start.

[Safe for work summary: Through a lot of pain, Noah manages to make himself a working set of gills.]

[thecosmicangel]

new moon messages 🌑🔮✨ 9/14-9-15

Water signs Edition

✨♓️⭐️♋️⭐️♏️✨

⭐️you are feeling lonely, this causes you pain & grief to be or feel isolated.

⭐️watching your loved ones from afar in your perceived isolation.

⭐️your perception is making you think you are isolated and unsupported even when this is not true.

⭐️beware of self-delusion.

⭐️a friend or lover has disappointed you.

⭐️ you have recently lost or been separated from someone, you are being forced to release the past for your highest good. Seek help from the spiritual realm.

⭐️you are creating an illusion of misery which is clouding your life; you don’t see or appreciate the beauty in your life.

⭐️in denial about a certain situation in your life you don’t want to let go or accept.

⭐️denying or ignoring the darkness you feel; you feel a deep dark void, explore where this stems from instead of ignoring and transmute the dark void into creative inspiration.

⭐️a dark void wanting to be filled.

⭐️you may feel unsettled or out of balance in the coming days, remember that it is all part of a healing process.

⭐️feeling confused lately not sure which direction to take.

⭐️ don’t try to figure it all right away, trust that you are on the right path. You will receive a new sense of direction and purpose very soon, trust it.

⭐️ you are so much more than what you are portraying to the world and those around you.

⭐️you have guardian angels with you at all times protecting and guiding you even if you don’t feel or see it.

⭐️you may be missing someone, know that connections formed of love never end and are not limited to time and space. Death is solely an illusion. There is no beginning or end only love.

⭐️ this new moon is giving you the opportunity for healing, inspiration, divination, and alchemy.

⭐️herbal healing can be beneficial for you, look into it.

⭐️poetry, music, & art can also be creative outlets to release emotional blockages, find your creative spark.

⭐️call on to Venus to help you embrace beauty and art.

⭐️be the alchemist in your life, turn lead into gold.

⭐️you are receiving help from the spirit world to let go of the old, welcome the shift and let your world and self ascend with the power of healing.

⭐️your manifestation are not able to come in because you have emotional blockages blocking your creative energy.

⭐️ a need to heal or reconnect with inner child, hang around children in your family or loved ones to receive inspiration and creative spark.

⭐️ deep in your heart you know what keeps preventing you from experiencing all that you can .

⭐️you are currently undervaluing yourself; it’s time to regain your self worth.

⭐️when you begin to value yourself, you will find that others also start to value you.

⭐️expand you thinking, stop limiting yourself.

⭐️you can do whatever you set your mind to, persevere no matter what life hands you.

⭐️recognize the strength within yourself and the quality of inner courage.

⭐️if your life seems to be falling apart, it is part of a regeneration process. You are going through ascension.

⭐️breaking old patterns and behaviors to bring in a new consciousness

⭐️ transformative power to change and ascend

⭐️something that no longer serves you is about to end.

⭐️ there is a death coming( not a physical death) but one that destroys an old way of thinking, belief systems or emotional patterns that restrict you from moving forward to a more positive and inspiring future.

⭐️it is difficult to let go of something so familiar to you, yet you know it is essential that a part of you die in order for you to experience endless possibilities.

⭐️ to ascend spiritually is to accept and love your physical reality. Higher consciousness means being fully present in each moment. Your higher self holds all the knowing and wisdom far beyond words or explanations, trust it.

⭐️ you are being asked to surrender, let go gracefully and trust.

⭐️ know that everything happens in divine order, the universe has a perfect rhythm learn to go with the flow, practice patience.

⭐️it can be difficult to understand the side that you don’t relate to, but that is a lesson in itself.

⭐️a person or situation has been placed in your path to teach you that everyone has his or her own unique life story; you must put yourself in their shoes to fully understand their motives.

⭐️ see with new sight

⭐️ receiving a gift

⭐️temptation will test you

⭐️back stabbing person, energetic vampire

⭐️family wishes come true

⭐️take care or there will be financial loss

⭐️you are on the right path regarding some aspect of your life

⭐️warning of a problem now or in near future

⭐️Romance is in the air

⭐️an unsuccessful outcome to a problem

⭐️be careful of taking big risks

⭐️pay attention to your work

🌑signs/ synchronicities: eyes, vision, birds, dove, angels, ice cream truck, mosquitoes, vampire, flute, dragon, box, apple, well, shark, arrow, target, finger, rose, broken bridge, desk, claw,stars, third-eye chakra, hades, underworld, death, children, Brigid, alchemy, Sagittarius, earth, crone, Taurus, libra, air, Saturn, crow, dragonfly

[inevitablemoment]

MARTHA RYAN - OC INFO

FULL NAME: Martha Rosemarie Ryan

NICKNAMES: Mar (by everyone), The Emissary of Tiamat (by Tiamat, Gozer, and Ariadne), Titania (by Jonathan)

FACECLAIM: Donna Dixon

FANDOM: Ghostbusters (1984-1989; 2021)

BIRTHDAY: July 20, 1958

ZODIAC SIGN: Cancer

SEXUALITY: Bisexual

GENDER: Female (she/her/hers)

OCCUPATION: School nurse (1981-1987) || Unofficial medic for the Ghostbusters (1985-1987) || Doctor of internal medicine (1991-currently)

BIRTHPLACE: Ann Arbor, Michigan

LIVES IN: Ann Arbor, Michigan (birth-age 10 months) || San Francisco, CA (age 10 months-18) || Philadelphia, PA (age 18-22) || Manhattan, New York City, New York (age 22-29) || Paris, France (age 29-39) || Nice, France (age 39-currently)

NATIONALITY: American, French (naturalized)

FAMILY:

Jonathan Seibert (fiancee, deceased 1979)

William Ryan (father, deceased 2010)

Francine Ryan [nee O'Keefe] (mother, deceased 2012)

Oliver Ryan (brother)

Maureen Ryan [nee Sweeney] (sister-in-law)

Kerrie Ryan (niece)

Janis Ryan (sister)

MOODBOARD

CHARACTERISTICS: Melancholy, people-pleasing, feisty, impatient, kind-hearted, brave, quick-tempered, compassionate, introverted, sorrowful, lonely, confident, stubborn

LIKES: Working in medicine, poetry, outdoorsy activities, research, working with the students, traveling, mythology

DISLIKES: Driving, nightmares, therapy, grand romantic gestures, her people-pleasing tendencies, headaches

WEAPON OF CHOICE:

Medical knowledge

First-aid kit

PKE Meter (during the Collectors arc)

Proton Pack (during the Collectors arc)

Ghost Trap (during the Collectors arc)

Gigameter (during the Collectors arc)

Telepathy (during the Tiamat arc)

Telekinesis (during the Tiamat arc)

Premonitions (during the Tiamat arc)

Reality warping (during the Tiamat arc)

Hand-to-hand combat (during the Tiamat arc)

Quick healing (during the Tiamat arc)

Heightened senses (during the Tiamat arc)

Quick reflexes (during the Tiamat arc)

Levitation (during the Tiamat arc)

OTHER PERSONAL INFO:

During her sophomore year of college, she met literature student Jonathan Seibert. They dated for about a year before they got engaged. Unfortunately, in 1979, as they were driving from the airport to Martha's childhood home, they were hit by a drunk driver. Jonathan was instantly killed while Martha survived. As she had been driving the car at the time, she blamed herself for his death and her grief deeply affected her future relationship with Ray.

After the car accident, Martha began suffering from chronic pain in her left knee. She regularly attends physical therapy to help cope.

Martha originally wanted to be a doctor, but decided to pursue nursing instead in order to please her father, who was very old-fashioned and whom she admired. After receiving her nursing degree, she had trouble finding an open position in a hospital and took a job as a school nurse.

Jonathan's nickname for her, "Titania," came from the faerie queen in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream.

She had been selected from birth as an emissary and a vessel for Tiamat; following Tiamat's defeat, she broke things off with Ray (whom she didn't know was planning on proposing to her) out of both guilt for her actions under Tiamat's control and because she still hadn't fully grieved Jonathan's death. She moved to Paris for a fresh start, attending medical school there, and has lived in France ever since.

INSPIRATION: Empress Elisabeth of Austria (Elisabeth das Musical), Emily Grace (Murdoch Mysteries), Jenny Moran (Ghostbusters - IDW Comics), Martha Jones (Doctor Who), Elliot Stabler (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit), Ava Bekker (Chicago Med), Karen Vick (Psych), Izzie Stevens (Grey's Anatomy), Wanda Maximoff (Marvel Cinematic Universe)

NAME ANALYSIS:

Playlist available here

[vaenevolence]

Reigniting a Spark

(Very long post ahead, skip to bottom if you're only interested in Hiatus explanation)

Note: This post is specifically for my long-time readers

----------

Hey there! This is Vaeryn, it's nice to see you here!

A Very Big Thank You

If you're here reading this, it's safe to assume that you've been following my BenneFischl fic as it is currently being written and updated on Ao3. Before I say anything else, I would like to say thank you in every possible way for supporting this project of mine. There truly are no words to describe how much all the love you give means to me.

I am making this post because there will be a lot of changes moving forward and I want to share them with you!!

The Origin Story™

I started writing Etched in Fire and Lightning about a year and a half ago for an awfully simple reason: I was starved for some BenneFischl content but there's not much abundance of it in the genshin fandom. And so I took matters into my own hands and cooked a massive 12-chapter longfic featuring one of my favorite ships in the game. Originally I was planning a one-shot fluff smut fic but my ego said: "really? your first venture into fanfiction and its a one-shot smut?"

So as you can see, there was also some level of spite involved in the writing of this fic. And yes, this is my first work as a fanfiction writer. I used to be more of a poetry guy so this project was a really big step for me as writer.

I will be taking a much need Hiatus

Yes, I know I know, I'm sorry. But as much as I love this fic, I am admittedly burnt out writing it.

Chapter 6 will for now serve as a mid-point finale of this fic. Admittedly ending on a painful cliffhanger but wrapping up most of the arcs I introduced in the earlier chapters while setting up the rest of the fic to really be about the relationship between Bennett and Fischl.

In the beginning I have promised myself to not work on any other writing project until I am done with EiFaL wanting to be some goody-two-shoes writer who didn't have a million WIPs rotting away in my google drive. But that mindset is currently doing more harm than help.

I want to make it absolutely clear that I not abandoning this fic, I am just taking a break from writing it. I have so many other things I want to write and work on, so many things that I want to share to the world that are being hindered by the toxic promise I made to myself to finish this before anything else.

I'm also taking a break to reevaluate myself as writer and the way I post my work. In case you didn't know Chapters 1 & 4 have received major rewrites and Chapter 2 received a minor rewrite and all other chapters have had minor clean-ups and polishing. This is because I constantly see improvements I can make to the language and storytelling I use in my work. While it is an overall good thing, it comes at the cost of asking my readers (you) to re-read earlier chapters just to make sense of the newer ones (yes the rewrites do affect the story in a noticeable way) and risks confusion if you are unable to read the rewritten chapters. ...so what are my plans?

Change of Pace

Moving forward, there will be an overall slower but more consistent pace with how I will release my works. Currently, I post chapters as soon as they are done, if there are errors or things that need to change, then I do so after a chapter has been posted which is why rewrites have been a big problem. In the future, I will no longer be releasing chapters as soon as they are done and instead wait until I have a few chapters completed and reviewed before I post them all in intervals. This way, you guys will get more consistent content without me being pressured into immediate begin work on a chapter I've just finished one.

----------

And that's about all I have to say to you all. Once again, thank you so much for all the love and support you have given Etched in Fire and Lightning. I truly never expected that I'd be writing something like this. It's been a long and inconsistent journey for both me and you but I hope you stick around while I write the ending this story deserves.

Until the next story,

Vaeryn

[spencerrscardigans]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

blog introduction!

hello! finally, after a long time of wanting to, i finally decided to make a blog! as i am still planning and putting everything together, i thought that i may as well post an introduction post!

my main focus for this blog likely will be for writing some original work and mainly fanfic writing, talking about and analyzing literature (i may make a separate blog for this), and chronic illness/disability content!

my inspiration to create this came from my longtime longing to write and share my own work as i have been an avid reader, especially of fanfics, and i have many, many, ideas living in my head. i originally started planning out a few (a lot) of multi chapter stories, both fanfics and original work/ideas, and i had everything planned out thoroughly, however since i had never committed to writing something to that extent, i thought where best to start than with one-shots and short stories!

besides the writing, i also was inspired to post about and make content about chronic illness and disability as it is something that i live with and is a big part of my life, and when i first started my “journey” of learning how to live with these things, i felt very alone and craved to have somewhere where i could relate and feel less alone in my experiences, so my hope with this blog is to be a place and resource to do such a thing that i, and likely many others would seek out.

about the person behind the blog!

you can call me mae, and my pronouns are she/her! i am seventeen years old, and in the future, i would love to peruse research, with my main goal/dream being to go to medical school to become a doctor!

i am chronically ill, and have (unofficial diagnosis) hypermobile-ehlers danlos syndrome (hEDS), postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), and due to what we think was caused by prolonged physical pain and emotional trauma, i have developed central sensitization and fibromyalgia, which is a neurological disorder that essentially means my central nervous system amplifies and sends incorrect signals to my body.

i am neurodivergent, and have adhd, and i also highly suspect that i am autistic, however i am unable to get a diagnosis. i also struggle with mental illnesses, and have depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, anorexia (in recovery!), and cptsd.

despite being sick, i have always been highly ambitious, and (when my health permits/permitted it) i have picked up many hobbies and interests! some of these hobbies/interests include sports, and i played soccer for years, did badminton at school for a little while, went to a basketball camp (which i did not like), and my current sport being riding horses, though i had to temporarily pause until my health allows it again, but when i can handle it i will definitely be getting back into riding! i have also picked up and attempted to learn a few instruments, some being with my schools band, and others i picked up on my own, including clarinet, saxophone (tried both tenor and alto, but preferred and more so stuck to tenor), piano, and guitar!

i also love reading, educating myself on pretty much anything i possibly can, but especially science related things, writing, poetry, baking, gardening, photography, knitting (attempting to) and crocheting, sewing, and would also love to get into pottery!

i am a huge animal lover! in my life, i have had hamsters, guinea pigs, a bunny, and dogs! and now currently i have 3 adorable rats, and i also have a cat who is my pride and joy lol. in the future if my lifestyle permits it, i would love to have more animals, and would also love to rescue and foster!

i love listening to music, with some (but not limited to) of my favourite artists being david bowie, the smiths, hozier, taylor swift, phoebe bridgers, tv girl, mac demarco, mitski, and big thief! (inspo for some of my writing)

some of my favourite tv shows, movies, books and general fandoms i am in include (in no particular order) the walking dead, fleabag, all the bright places, criminal minds, bones, the last of us, dead poets society, harry potter, house, greys anatomy, and stranger things.

plans i have for my writing

i have many, many, writing ideas, especially for fanfics and one-shots (will often include themes of chronic illness and mental health), and some of (but not limited to) the characters i will be writing (platonic and romantic) for include:

(for marvel) peter parker (mainly tom holland and andrew garfield’s spider-man’s), pietro maximoff, bucky barnes, matt murdock, stephen strange, natasha romanoff, loki, bruce banner, and tony stark

(for twd) daryl dixon, rick grimes, maggie greene/rhee, glenn rhee, carl grimes, rosita espinosa

(for tlou) joel miller, ellie williams

(for criminal minds) spencer reid, aaron hotchner, emily prentiss, derek morgan

(for harry potter) fred and george weasley, remus lupin, sirius black, james potter

(stranger things) steve harrington, eddie munson, robin buckly

there is probably many characters missing from my list above, which is why i will be creating a separate post that will go more into detail about the characters i plan on writing for. i will also be creating a separate post that goes more in detail about the types of writing that i will do, and the types that i will not write, and will include a link for requests.

as my writing/blog progresses, i will be making a navigation post that will have links to important information like my blog rules, masterlists and etcetera, but i thought that i might as well include some info here so you know what to expect!

[nikxierocks]

GOD IM CRYING OVER A TODOBAKU FIC (again)

HOW DO FIC WRITERS WRITE PURE POETRY??? THE POWER OF THESE LINES BREAK MY FUCKING HEART OMG ITS SO GOOD

Please share the talent I am STRUGGLING over here.

Anyways that’s it I’ve been reading this fic since like 10 or 11 this morning and it’s currently 3:30. I haven’t even seen the trailer I’ve been so absorbed in this fic and how gay they are (My beloveds aaaaa).

-

Haha it’s me from the future and it has only gotten angstier!!! I am ACHING. Over Shouto rn. I love when writers lead up to the first kiss and then steal it away from you and replace it with pain and angst. Like Yes. Let that slow burn scar them before it begins to heal.

This is really getting me back in the habit of reading— a habit I fell out of last year and haven’t been able to get back into aside from smut fics— and I’m honestly really glad. Hopefully this improves my writing and fills the aching hole in my heart that canon has left me with. All the kudos to bluemoonrabbit on Ao3 for gripping me so strongly.

Tl;dr I’m crying over gay men again for the first time in a while

The fic in question:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34666282/chapters/86307508

(I really hope y’all read it it’s so good send your love to the author)

[cboffshore]

it is me, enabler anon, back from being a couch potato gamer and into the questions. ( i have missed so many days )

whiiiile you’re still under the writing process of a little annihilation, could you perhaps share your hopeful end goals that you currently have for the fic? of course they may change buuut, since it’s just being fleshed out so far; i’m curious to if you can perhaps prepare us for what’s to come :3 even if it’s just. the most bluntest one word description. :D

*scribbles GAMER! onto a sticky note and slaps it onto the Enabler Anon Identification Conspiracy Board*

The weird thing for Annihilation is that my end goal is both highly specific and kinda vague. The entire thing is just giving my Jay-DIYS-a-guitar-from-the-wreck-of-the-Keep headcanon/daydream thing an origin story. The entire motive and plot is contained in that elevator pitch; the trickiest bit is the details, really, but I can give you some loosely connected notes.

None of the stuff in my outline is a spoiler in the same way That One Reveal, You Know The One from IICT was; if you've read the Dark Island Trilogy and picked up on the end of chapter 1 of this, you know Jay and Nya are about to embark on something between a rage room visit and a Home Depot run. Jay gets a cool acoustic build out of it at the end, and Nya gets to smash some shit. (There will be more OSSAS nods. Despite being a Jay-centric work, Nya's going to get her time, and I have more to work with on her end, anyway. This is the closest I've ever gotten to proper Skybound Jay stuff, and I still haven't nailed him down.

The only bit that's even remotely spoilery is the loose plan I have for the very last line, which I will obviously not share. That's not a spoiler in a plot way, either. It's more like something I want to do to completely shift the mood for future reads of the finished story... but I'm giving too much away already.

My "Do Not Do" list is the same as always for when I write Skybound: no overblown sopping wet sobbing Jay flashbackery or Pleasant Therapy Dog Nya. I would prefer to keep my keyboard vomit-free. Yes, they're revisiting the Keep - but fully by choice, because as you know, once an idea that cool and thematically perfect worms its way in, there's no stopping it. Yes, Jay does have a few memories while there; so does Nya. That's reasonable and expected. Nobody is allowed to break down crying or start murmuring comfortingly to the other person. (In MCR terms, the vibe isn't the "The Ghost Of You" music video, as fantastic as it is - this is the "Famous Last Words" video, or maybe even "Na Na Na".) Like I mentioned in one of my last asks, this is largely based on how I process my own painful memories; I revisit them, refuse to sink to that level again, and craft them into poetry and art using the shards I notice in a new light. Does it hurt? Sure. But it hurts so good, as the kids say. You want sappy recovery, you can get that a bajillion other places in the fandom. Come to me for spite and resistance.

Anyway, despite being on a bit of a writing hiatus, I'm never really on a thinking hiatus. I'm waiting for GLOOM DIVISION to drop and kickstart my creative energy, but in the meantime, I'm always up for asks. Thanks for dropping in!

[thehorrortree]

Submission Window: December 21st to January 21st, 2024 Payment: $50 Theme: Stories about how we seek out, discover, and grasp onto connection. At Astrolabe, we’re looking for work about how we seek out, discover, and grasp onto connection. Into the woods. Across a line. Beneath the ocean. Along a seam. Into the branches of an alternate present or the crevasse of an alternate future. Across the rifts between one another. And then, once we find one other, the myths we make. We’re excited to see as many interpretations of this broad theme as there are stars in the night sky. We’re open to work of all genres, with a particular fondness for anything that moves beyond realism in form or content or spirit. Read about Astrolabe for details on our mission and what we’re doing with the Universe. The details Astrolabe is open for submissions year-round. We pay a $50 honorarium upon publication of one or more pieces from your submission. To help fund those payments, we alternate between free and paid submission periods throughout the year. Our free periods begin the day we publish new work—on the spring equinox, summer solstice, autumnal equinox, and winter solstice—and stay open for a month. Some additional details: We currently accept three types of work: fiction, creative nonfiction, and photography & art. See below for genre-specific instructions. We’re not a market for lineated poetry at the moment. We do accept simultaneous submissions, but please let us know if your work was accepted for publication elsewhere—we’ll be thrilled for your good news! No multiple submissions—and if we don’t accept your work, please wait until our next submission period before trying again unless we specifically ask for more work. We consider only unpublished work. We ask for first North American serial rights and non-exclusive print/anthology rights. All copyrights remain yours. Read more about the rights we ask for. Fiction & creative nonfiction Send us one piece no more than 3,000 words .doc, .docx, or .pdf format. If submitting flash, send up to three pieces of no more than 1,000 words each. We’ll happily consider fiction and CNF in all prose forms—prose poetry, micro, flash, and beyond—but we’re not considering lineated poetry at the moment. Photography & art Send us up to five pieces in .jpg, .png, .gif, or .pdf format. If your artwork doesn’t work in one of those formats—for example, if you’ve built something dynamic or interactive—send a link to where we can view it online, or just ask! Time to submit! We are currently open for free submissions until Sunday, October 22nd, 2023! Send your submission to editors@astrolabe.ooo with the following subject line, replacing the parts in green:Submission: Your Name, “Title”Include a short cover letter, bio, and your work as an attachment(s).We welcome pen names, author names, or pseudonyms. No need to include your legal name, physical address, phone number, or other personal information with your submission—the name you publish under and your email address is enough! We’ll get back to you within three months—if we take longer, it typically means we’re seriously considering your work, but you can always feel free to query us: editors@astrolabe.ooo. We’re strong believers that Wednesday is the least painful day of the week to send (or receive) a rejection. Track your submissions on Duotrope, Chill Subs, or The Submission Grinder! Your rights Astrolabe asks for first North American serial rights (FNASR) to your work, which ensures that we’re the first place this work appears. Once your work is published on Astrolabe, all electronic and print rights revert back to you—you can republish the piece as you see fit. We also ask for non-exclusive anthology and print rights. This allows us to use your work in a possible future anthology, but doesn’t prevent you from pursuing other https://horrortree.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=636299&action=edit#edit_timestampanthology or print opportunities in the meantime.

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[afterthegreatunknown]

something set in my post-canon headcanons that may or may not be expanded on/rewritten in the future (i'm conflicted):

"there's now way he could have wander that far," mutters hector, walking down the sidewalk of the outdoor shopping center. he glances around, hoping to spot widdershins.

hector's stress level isn't as bad as it could be. that's because he knows where everyone else is at: the two-floored bookstore with the coffee shop inside it.

all of the quagmires were on the second floor together. duncan was seated in an armchair, reading a raymond chandler novel. isadora was browsing through the poetry section, scrunching up her face every so often. quigley was standing by the railing, flipping the pages of the newest edition of a cartography book he had before the fire.

fiona and fernald meanwhile, were on the first floor, in the coffee shop. fernald was doing his best to not glare at the poor nervous barista as he drank his coffee. fiona meanwhile, was laughing and talking, taking the occasional bite of her chocolate muffin.

hector thought about telling the two of the situation with their stepfather, especially fiona. out of the two, it's fiona who's keeping a close eye on their stepfather and his whereabouts.

but hector didn't want to worry them. and as said before, there's no way widdershins could have wander that far.

"i really hope he didn't went to that agua fresca vendor. as much as those drinks are absolutely delicious, especially the jamaica, the prices the vendor is selling them at isn't worth it." hector clicks his tongue as he readjusts the sun hat over his head. he peers down the sidewalk that is decently crowded with people, and-

"oy! haven't you heard of personal space or permission!?"

the shouting voice behind him has hector (and potentially others) quickly turning around. behind him in the not-to-far-away distance near the bookstore, is widdershins. in his right hand appears to be a jamaica drink.

widdershins' left hand - his left wrist, more exactly- is being grab by a stranger. the stranger is a man who is several inches taller than widdershins, as well as maybe older by a few years. the man is dress as if he should currently be at work in his office, not having fun at an outdoor shopping center.

the most standout observation though, is that the man is leering downward at widdershins. given widdershins' sudden exclamation, he's anything but happy. hector makes a dash towards them.

upon getting closer, hector can see and hear more of what is going on. the situation is more worse than hector thought from afar. the man is not just leering at widdershins. he's leering at widdershins with a smile that means one thing on the mind.

the man moves his face closer to widdershins. "here i though you couldn't get above a whisper."

widdershins attempts to break free of the man's grasp. "let go of me!"

"the pain can't be that bad. and why should i? i'm a man who can give you a good hell of a time, and not just with my hands."

"what-sir!" hector can now see widdershins' face is slightly flush.

"don't deny anything. you're more interested than you let on."

"are you that daft? can't you understand that i'm-"

"he's taken, sir." interrupts hector, deciding to stand right by beside widdershins. hector then places a hand on widdershins' shoulder. it's tense, no doubt because of the man.

widdershins blinks a few times. as the tension in his shoulder slowly leaves, widdershins gives a brief glance -and smile- at hector. "aye. i'm taken."

the man stares at them with some confusion. the man also unknowingly, slightly loosen his grip on widdershins' wrist. "there's no way you're with him. he's a mouse. a plain, boring mouse who looks like he wouldn't know how to use his mouth for any sort of recreation."

"well, you know what people say. looks can be deceiving." hector couldn't help but smirk at the man. hector admits this is rather fun; he hasn't acted like this in years.

the now flabbergasted man loosen his grip on widdershins even more. it's loose to where widdershins breaks free his left wrist. "now that we cleared everything up, will you please leave our sight before the situation becomes worse?"

"hey, now just wait a-"

widdershins quickly takes off the lid of the jamaica drink.

"my partner did warned you," says hector, feeling the smile on his face. "and he's a man who doesn't hesitate in decisions that i fully support."

"alright, alright! i'll leave, i'll leave!"

and the man quickly scurries off, making his away to the parking lot. when the man is a proper speck in the distance inside his car, widdershins gives out a laugh, and places the lid back onto the drink. he then hands the jamaica to hector.

"thank you for what you did back there. i don't know how to return the favor."

"i think it would mean being my fake boyfriend if i'm ever getting harassed. but you don't have to do that. we're not stuck in the organization's system of repayment anymore." hector looks down at the jamaica drink in his hand. "you also don't have to thank me by giving me your drink, widdershins."

"oh, that drink is yours," answers widdershins. "i bought it just for you."

hector quickly looks back up at widdershins. "but i didn't ask for it. and the price like i said before-"

"you used to drink these things back in the day. aye, and the way you went on about them as we passed the vendor has me thinking you been craving one more than you let on. price be damn! you deserve something nice, hector." widdershins then scratches the back of his neck. "granted, this treat can't be brought into the establishment because it's not water or a drink from the coffee shop. we're stuck outside until you're finish."

"that's fine by me. um...thank you, for the drink."

"you're welcome. now, are we just going to stand here? aye! we ought to rest our legs!"

they end up taking a nearby seat on a metal bench underneath the shade that is the building's shadow. as widdershins sighs and leans back against the bench to relax himself, hector removes the lid of the drink to takes a sip of the jamaica.

it's sweet and tart as he remembers it.

[revenantpoet]

- @RevenantPoet

Text Version:

(scum)

We’re all filth A mesh of flesh and bone and dirt and rot A jagged and crumbling precipice of life and death One a shove from tumbling and ripping and tearing On jagged-sharp stones To rock bottom

There is no good We’re all selfish We want what we don’t deserve We take what we haven’t earned We are the gods of our own universe A projection that matters And exists Only to us

We choose what to care about We put value only on what matters to us We cling to the people we choose Selfish Draining them dry Putting them first only when it suits our own interests After all, they aren’t people They’re tools to only grieve when no longer available

We bend to the whims of others when it benefits us Even when others Are crushed beneath our shifting weight We place our own pain first Our own circumstance above anything else We expect others to trust us When we change allegiance at convenience When we crack and crumble our personal beliefs For profits For safety Even if it kills us in the end We will always follow the path of least resistance Less pain Less trouble

We sink into isolation to save others from ourselves But no one really benefits Except for the one escaping We hide from our truths Our realities Our fears Pretending it’s for our own self-preservation When it’s really our own comfort we chase Our routine Our sanity At the expense of anything or anyone underfoot Our knowledge and safety is a right that’s only exclusive to us Even when it violates the right of another

We blind ourselves to our own faults and feelings To save ourselves Knowing that in return we trample over everyone Even those who reach our way in return Our selfishness saves us at the cost of others Though we know that it’s truly ourselves that we cannot survive To be such a disgusting person That even we have to hide from ourselves We don’t deserve to be able to avoid it But our armor is thick and sharp It impales others without thought Pushing through and shoving down the world around us

We are all criminals Perpetrators of our own greedy needs and thoughts Hands that reach out and take and take and take Except….

Except… When you reach out your hand And you take mine With no ownership With no demand With no driving force With no selfishness With no blindness

You reach out, warm fingers entwined with mine Mine, that are cold Barely alive Only knowing the touch that takes And still, you only reach out Because it’s me Because it’s you And that’s enough

We’re enough

*rises from the grave* Hello again! Life's been hell, but I found an older poem I wrote for this series the other day, shined it up, and thought it seemed a fitting way to close off this little collection. Kind of a combination of where I started and where I am? And touching on the character growth of all the characters, not just the main ship.

Not that I may not revisit the series in the future--I'm still absolutely feral over them. I'm just so very tired, and having so many "unfinished" projects makes me anxious. (I'll probably make a cover/ebook for this one like I did with my Sasaki to Miyano and Sabikui Bisco poetry! If you download the collection through AO3, I think you can add a cover to a file through a free program like Calibre. I'll slap a link here when I make one!) I'll update this project if/when I come back, or who knows! Maybe I'll do an AU fic like my current project.

Thank you so, so much to everyone who's given this collection a chance <3 I hope you're all doing okay on your side of the screen!