#gay youth cult

[like-it-or-not-i-am-alive]

god bless America.

The land of the free.

Where your bodily autonomy can be decided by the government.

Where opportunity knocks at the richest's doors with the help of tax dollars.

Where you can work your whole life and die before you can afford to retire.

Where farms are managed by politicians to guarantee demand.

Where school districts can decide which children deserve to be protected (and still fail to do so).

Where obesity is crippling young adults, who are taught to not cook, but to buy cheaper, processed goods.

Where minorities are used as scapegoats to hide government evils.

Where children are seduced to join wars.

Such a powerful country. With shiny white teeth and a silver tongue.

The soil is poisoned.

[relatablemormonmoments]

Only gay rights nonbinary immortal jewish apostle timotheé chalomet can save me now

[reno-matago]

Synchronicity about Antinoüs (on 23th.1.23) which is also Noumenia in the Calendar I follow!) as I was watching Thermae Romae.

Just the day I planned to start..

23's!

[sammyofold]

Here's the second part of the wincest fic rec list! The fics are grouped together under overarching tropes.

(Part 1 | Part 2)

Case Fics

The Truth In The Lie by flawedamythyst.

Summary: Sam and Dean pretend to be gay lovers while they hunt a monster on a bus tour of Nova Scotia.

Pine Sweat by Goshen.

Summary: Sam and Dean get sent back to 1996 and go on a hunt with their teenaged selves. The kids don't know who they are.

this narrow room where life began by peculiarstate.

Summary: Everything Dean is, even all these years later, is still for Sam, only ever Sam, it beats through his blood more real to him than his own heartbeat, Sam, Sam, Sam. The common fucking denominator of Dean’s entire life. or Four years later, Dean has Sam back. Some things have changed. The main thing hasn't.

venti cup of poison, half-caf, long shot by darlingargents.

Summary: A string of murders outside Seattle seem to be connected by coffee. Sam goes undercover as a barista to try and get to the bottom of it.

Mercy by LaughableLament.

Summary: Sam’s rattled, hunting a ghost light in the aftermath of Dean’s reunion with Cassie—a woman so important, Dean disobeyed Dad for her.

Walkin' the Tightrope by non_tiembo_mala.

Summary: It’s 2036, and twenty years since Sam and Dean called it quits on hunting to take up a secluded, quiet life. Maybe Jesse and Cesar gave them the idea, but after Amara, they realized they’d done enough. And they wanted a proper life together even more. Known as Sam Wesson and Dean Smith to the residents of the nearby town they call home, Sam and Dean keep mostly to themselves, their immaculately kept ‘67 Chevy Impala, and their cabin in the woods. That is, until someone from their past tracks them down, desperate for help. Sam and Dean can’t say no, not when it’s their dear friend Jody Mills in deep trouble – she’s missing – but the wedding bands they wear make going back to their old life just that little bit more complicated…

The Things We Carry With Us by lovesrain44.

Summary: Sam and Dean are on the road, saving people and hunting things, like they always do. Dean discovers that Sam is attempting to turn himself into a monk, and so he does his best to get Sam laid. Sam resists because, of course, who needs to have sex with a girl when Dean’s around? It's about going on a roadtrip with your brother. It's about the food you eat, and the maps you follow. It's about the things you carry with you. (Takes place some time after Heart.)

On the Cover of a Magazine by teashopmuses (LJ).

Summary: Sam and Dean are called in to investigate the mysterious death of a model at a photography studio in Michigan. The only way for them to get in? Pose as models themselves – which is much easier said than done.

When It Crackles by lyra_wing (LJ).

Summary: A cult is rumored to be guarding the Fountain of Youth. Oh, and while investigating it, Sam and Dean get roped into getting married. Yep.

Always You, without time or space by benitle (LJ).

Summary: Sam and Dean leave New Paltz, a haunted painting and Sarah behind them, each thinking in their own ways it'll be the last time they do anything like that. It isn't long before a string of unexplainable deaths takes them to The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. Between frustration and brotherly fights, surviving more art than can be seen in a lifetime, a revenge killer and the mean city, their relationship is taken to a whole new level that neither of them had expected. But of course it's never that simple, because between all the emotional chaos, there's also a case to solve!

Swesson

A Case of Do or Die by RiverSongTam.

Summary: Former hunter Dean Smith and Men of Letters legacy Sam Wesson are working through the rigorous MOL initiation process as partners, an arrangement Dean isn’t too happy about at first. Both he and Sam worry about being paired with someone they’re so attracted to—and who’s obviously straight. As the boys work together, they become friends, both secretly fighting their feelings for the other despite days at the movies, hours of research, and nights at the Roadhouse spent in each other’s company. When Sam has a vision of Abaddon wiping out the Men of Letters on initiation night, the pair wind up fighting something even more terrifying. The Men of Letters aren’t going to die out on Sam and Dean’s watch—even if a misunderstanding about their feelings for each other happens along the way.

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here by Zanne.

Summary: Dean Smith and Sam Wesson want to hunt some more ghosts. They go to the experts for some hands-on training, but can they fight the strange attraction between them?

Who Are You? (I Really Wanna Know) by orphan_account.

Summary: Ever since Sam Wesson moved to Ohio, he’s found himself in an exceedingly terrifying series of battles against his own brain—and the attractive man he keeps bumping into with the strikingly green eyes is Sam’s only clue as to why. Meanwhile, Dean Smith’s next promotion is practically in the bag until he starts stumbling over a succession of worrisomely inappropriate outbursts. The cute, but creepy IT guy who keeps leering at him really isn’t helping things either.

When We Kiss Our Scars Align by matchsticks_p.

Summary: Meet Sam Wesson. Meet a ghost. Meet more ghosts. Meet each other's parents. This is not how Dean Smith had imagined his life would go.

More than the dirt it takes to bury them by gorgeousnerd.

Summary: Sam Wesson doesn't usually run off with strangers to fight what lurks in the dark. But then, Sam doesn't meet people he dreams about - people like Dean Smith - every day. It's not perfect, but he's making a difference and getting closer to Dean, so what's not to love? Except the dreams he still can't explain. And the way he's starting to sweat and shake and itch for something he can't name. Something like demon blood.

How Many Floors to Realize by lazy_daze.

Summary: AU from the end of It's A Terrible Life, in which Zachariah decides to keep stringing them along a little while longer, because damn if they aren't somewhat entertaining, right?

Green Man by inalasahl.

Summary: Godstiel puts Sam and Dean back into the Sandover verse. It takes them some time to recover their memories.

Demon Dean

Welcome to Your Future by klove0511.

Summary: When Dean is suddenly pulled through time, he's confronted with a broken little brother a decade older than he should be. With Sam determined to send Dean back to his own time, will Dean be able to figure out where his present day counterpart is and fix things for Sam?

Come Close by AlulaSpeaks.

Summary: Dean may be a demon, but that doesn't mean he's stupid. In fact, he's just bursting with good ideas.

is there a word for bad miracles by withthekeyisking.

Summary: Dean comes back from Hell...different. But hey, it's not like Sam's the same as he used to be, either.

High Achiever by Agent_Hellcat.

Summary: Dean rescues Sam from Cole, his abductor. But does he have a hidden agenda?

Undeniable Dilemma by rosych33ks.

Summary: Dean stepped forward again, a strange kind of patience in the action, and Sam flattened himself back against the car, hands up, knife in the left just a useless afterthought at this point. “No, Dean, wait! You can— There’s something else we can do.” Dean sneered at him, but he just shifted his weight to his other hip, didn’t go for Sam again immediately, and that was something at least. “Oh yeah?” He said it like he was humoring him, probably thought he was letting Sam stall for his own amusement. “And what’s that?” Sam straightened a little, made himself look Dean right in the eyes, and most of all, did not let himself think. “You can fuck me.”

Ruin You by Mumble_Bee.

Summary: Cole fucks Sam with Demon!Dean watching from a devil's trap, snarling that anyone would dare touch what was his.

(Note: Trigger warnings for graphic depictions of rape and torture. Here's another version the author wrote where Dean is human. Same warnings apply.)

Alternate Events & Fix-Its

Away to Darker Dreams by brokenlittleboy.

Summary: Finally hunting on his own, Dean makes a trip to Stanford to visit Sam, only to find his little brother's gone missing. And when he finally does stumble upon him in a dark twist of fate, Sam is not the boy he used to be.

B-Side by phoenixflight.

Summary: Sam Winchester is a senior at Stanford with his whole life in front of him when he dies in a tragic fire. He didn't know what to hope for from an afterlife, exactly, but whatever it was, it wasn't his brother Dean, arrived before him.

Truth or consequences by rivkat.

Summary: What if Agent Henriksen gave Dean truth serum? Disinhibition and dirty talk.

120 - forgiveness by ani_coolgirl.

Summary: Dean reassures Sam that he did the right thing by putting down Samuel. Due to past events, Sam has a hard time understanding Dean's attitude. Conversations are had and misunderstandings are finally cleared up.

Brother's Blood by diana_lucifera, stormageddon.

Summary: When Dean goes missing on a hunt in New Orleans, John picks Sam up from Stanford to help look for him. (Pilot AU)

Always My Guide by Delanach.

Summary: After Dean goes to hell, Sam turns to Ruby but using his powers for the first time after tasting her blood takes away his sight. Bobby takes him in but it's not until Dean is pulled out of hell that he faces up to having to learn to live with a new reality. As for Dean, helping Sam relearn everything from the ground up gives him something to focus on. When Sam insists on tagging along on a simple salt and burn and they encounter a demon, they realize that Sam still has his powers, they are stronger than before, and he can sense other supernatural beings in different ways. When they are faced with the possibility of Lucifer rising, they must work together with Bobby and an angel called Castiel to stop it happening.

This is Ourselves (Under Pressure) by clex_monkie89 (LJ).

Summary: After Nightshifter, Sam and Dean hit the road. What follows is three months of fear and frustration with the FBI hot on their heels, trying to avoid the long arm of the law while still continuing to work. It's not easy; being on the run doesn't leave much time for breathing, never mind sleep, sex or any much-needed downtime.

Extra Gen Fics

What You Choose To Do With It by StarsandJellyfish.

Summary: Sam and Dean have finally got to a good place in their relationship, after the fiasco that was the few years Dean had the Mark. Now, weird things are happening all the time, and Sam has no idea what is going on or why. Dean is acting strangely, like he knows something Sam doesn't. Sam is just looking for an explanation that makes sense. Or five times Sam used his powers without knowing it, and one time he knew it and worried what Dean would think.

Red in Tooth and Claw by LilacLetter.

Summary: It’s the summer before Sam’s senior year. The brothers are stuck in New Mexico where their dad left them to their own devices. Sam and Dean are bored stiff in the searing heat… until a case comes along. It can’t hurt to check out the mysterious desert creature alone, right? Case-fic, pre-series, h/c.

Time held me green and dying by anyplaceisbetter.

Summary: Sam wakes up aged 9 and with zero clue who the weird man in the bed next to his is. They deal.

The Bonds of Brotherhood by authoressjean.

Summary: In the wake of Lilith's death and the apparent destruction of their brotherhood, Dean and Sam find there's an even bigger revelation than Lucifer rising, because Lucifer isn't in his Cage. Lucifer and Michael both Fell a long time ago and became someone new. Became human.

With Heaven and Hell gunning for them, and new/old brothers fighting beside them, Dean and Sam have to navigate the world as the archangels they used to be and the brothers they're desperately trying to be again. Their bonds of brotherhood aren't easily torn apart, though, and something their enemies would be wise to realize.

Customs of the County by TheMarvelousTolkienJob.

Summary: All Sam wanted was to be normal. Go to school. Make friends. Spend quality time with his family. Only, the universe seemed to be conspiring against him and even these simple experience were turning out to be anything but that. Instead, he gets a rigged school system, an absent father, and an upset brother.

A New Beginning by MonPetitTresor.

Summary: After Chuck and Amara make up, they reveal their new plans - and they're nothing like what anyone had expected.

For Your Own Good 'verse by mentholpixie.

Summary: “Don't worry, Dean. I'll be a good little soldier and do everything Dad says. Promise.” Sam doesn't know how right he is.

On Our Own by authoressnebula.

Summary: When Sam is fifteen, his dad makes a decision based on a dark future he was apparently shown by an 'angel': split his sons up and abandon his youngest to keep that future at bay. Dean refuses to let it happen, but if they want to stay together, there's only one option: run.

[lakecountylibrary]

If you liked Camp Damascus, try Hell Followed With Us

and vice versa!

There's a lot to love in both Camp Damascus by @drchucktingle and Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White. As horror novels about queer youth with, shall we say, complicated relationships with religion, they have a lot in common - if you liked one you very well may like the other. Let's take a closer look.

Characters:

Both books feature queer, autistic youth fighting back. The characters are trying to survive in a world created for them by abusive adults and religious institutions that hold power over them.

In Camp Damascus we follow Rose (autistic, lesbian). In Hell Followed With Us we follow Benji (neurodivergent, trans) and Nick (autistic, gay).

Genre:

Both books are horror, but with two distinct flavors. Camp Damascus has more of a creepy factor, while Hell Followed With Us leans more toward gore. In Camp there is some mystery to the evil, but in Hell the evil has a name, a face, an address - and a to-do list.

Both books deal with Christian cults and the horrors of indoctrination. They deal with the characters' complicated relationships to Christianity as an institution and God as a concept. They also both quote Christian scripture heavily.

Vibes:

While both books are horror, they do feel very different, largely because the primary emotion that drives each story is different. In Camp Damascus, it's love. In Hell Followed With Us, it's rage. You'll certainly find both emotions in certain quantities in either novel, but what they primarily put forward distinctly changes the vibe of both books.

-

So there you have it! Two fantastic reads in close thematic conversation with each other - but still quite distinct. If either sounds good to you, do yourself a favor and check out both today!

See more of Robin's recs

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

Hi!! Really like your writing could we possibly get a drabble or something like that of Middle Schooler Yuu?

Hell-Raising Gremlin: A Middle Schooler

Synopsis: Yuu is a cringy middle schooler that curses a lot and insults people

Cw: Cringe writing. Yuu is 12 and Gn. Cursing. They call Riddle stupid and tell Azul he's gay. No romance ofc. Not proofread

“What the fuck?” Was one of the first things that came out of your mouth when you kicked off the door to your coffin. A crowd of eerily robed people turned to stare at you as if you were the weird one for wearing normal clothes. Each person had matching eyeliner and wait, does that person have horns… and a tail? What sort of fucked up LARP furry cult were you kidnapped into?

“Honestly…” Another voice rang out “Coming through the door of your own accord is virtually unheard of, why are you in such a rush?” A bird masked individual said as he approached you, two glowing yellow orbs peaking through the mask, each part of his person accessorized to fit a perfect aesthetic. Okay, thats a pretty cool costume you’ll admit, but it still doesn't change that you are obviously in the wrong place.

"Um… probably because some strange carriage literally kidnapped me and forced me into a coffin and then I woke up here? I don't think I'm in the right place."

"Hmm I don't think you are entirely lucid yet… a side effect of the teleportation magic perhaps…" the man wondered out loud.

"Can you break character for a second and tell me where the hell I am, dude?" You glared at him and a few of the weird adults around you laugh. You keep a brave face despite the fear building up.

"You are at Night Raven College, a prestigious magician training school in Twisted Wonderland." The masked man states bluntly and confidently like that explains everything.

"Didn't I just say to break character? I'm not playing DND here or anything, I need to get home, I'm not supposed to be here in this weird cult thing… I need to get home!" a few more laughs reverberated in the crowd.

"I'm being serious, this is a school for magicians"

"Right well… I don't have magic. How's that?" You give a smug smirk. "So please send me home?"

The man just gives an infuriating blank expression. "Why, you are here because the black carriage recognized you as a powerful mage! You should be quite proud of that given how young to appear to be! Please stand by and the mirror will sort you into your dorm shortly!"

"I was kidnapped first of all, and I don't even have that weird robe thing! Look dude, you got the wrong person! I'll go up to that mirror right now and show you!" You assume this "magic' mirror was just some computer check in thing. Hopefully when you give your name it'll prove you aren't on the list of whatever the fuck this is.

"My, so hasty… such is the youth I suppose. Fine then, go up to the mirror."

You must give props to this actor for staying in character the full time, but now wasn't the time. As you approach the mirror you hear whispers, and you see 5 individuals and a floating tablet standing by it, looking as superior as they could. Some glared at you, others looked intrigued.

The mirror spoke, "State thy name."

"Yuu…"

"You're soul is… invalid… I cannot read it. Therefore I sort you in no dorm."

The crowd murmurs amongst themselves as the masked person looks genuinely surprised. "Well then. I must apologize, there must be some mistake." You exhale in relief. Finally he gets it. "Mirror, send this person home!" No response. Why was he asking the mirror?

"Ahem… Mirror take this person—"

"I cannot."

"... huh…" You frown

"This child's home is nowhere. They do not exist here. They are from another dimension. Therefore, they cannot be sent home."

The crowd's murmurs get louder. You still don't believe in this whole weird magic school act thing. "Are you fucking kidding me, did I seriously get isekaied by a horse drawn carriage?" 

At that you see the floating tablet mute themselves. Before you could even turn around and ask for the masked man to get a real person to send you home, a strange creature runs in front of you. You stared at it in complete shock.

"Mrahaha! If they can't join this school, then there's room for me!" The weird cat thing talks. Flames came out its ears and its tail was forked. What the fuck, what the fuck. How is this cat on fire and talking?

The crowd laughed at the cat's words. "Oh yeah?! I'll show you!" The creature yells out. You didn't think much of it until you saw blue plumes of flames come from its mouth and aim directly into the crowd. The crowd yells and pushes each other around. You could feel the heat.

This couldn't be some high tech animatronic could it? You gawk as banners catch flames and you see some of the mages in the crowd casting water spells to put themselves out. Is this really another world…? No way… no way. You have to get hit by a truck for that! This just has to be a very weird fever dream...

Another blast of flames is fired across from you, growing bigger and bigger, threatening to engulf everything in the room. One person from before lets out an annoyed sigh and you see him turn to approach the flame. 

Without thinking you immediately run over to pull him back catching him by surprise and making him stumble. "Dude, what are you doing?!" The doll faced young man looks over at you in shock, before his race reddens.

"How DARE YOU try to—"

"Riddle enough! They were just trying to help!" Another taller green haired mad says with a clover on his face. "Come with me…" the man says before pulling you back protectively.

You watch as the strange ruby-haired man, Riddle– what a stupid name–, approaches the weird cat. He raises his arm before lowering it. "OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!" He yelled, and a strange collar appeared around the cat. The flames around the room suddenly die.

"Hey what gives?! What I'll just… huh?! My magic! Its…"

"Sealed away. That collar around your neck does not allow you to use magic." Riddle states. "No cats are allowed are celebrations, your very existence here is a violation." A few robed figures go to grab their cat and toss him out.

"Damn…" you mumbles as you step put from behind the stranger that protected you.

"You there, child." Riddle states, still looking upset. "What you did was dangerous, you should have never stepped in to try to help."

Oh this dudes attitude pissed you off with how condescending he sounded. "Well sorry for trying to fucking make sure you didn't burn yourself. God forbid I didn't know you could do that weird collar thing."

The green haired man paled and the face of Riddle got red. "Excuse me?! You need to learn how to treat your superiors with respect–"

"I respect whoever respects me regardless of age! And you're not superior at all! You throw tantrums like a kid!" You spat back and the crowd seemed to laugh. The green haired man tries to pull you back. "Come on now, Yuu try to be nice…"

"Why would I? He's the one that started it! He can start yelling at people for no good reason but I can't? Hell who the fuck even names their kid Riddle its such a stupid name!"

Riddle was fuming at this point and everyone just seemed to either cringe or watch in rapt excitement. "IT IS NOT! You have not followed a single rule of the entrance ceremony! Those who don't follow the rules should be punished! Especially rude ones like you!"

"Did you not hear the mirror? I'm not from this world! I literally don't know any rules at all! How are you gonna get mad at me for that?! You're the one that keeps yelling for no reason and then getting mad at me for giving back the same energy? And now you're trying to threaten me!"

"Enough!" The red head yells. "Apologize now or it's off with your head!"

"Oh no my magic that I totally have! I'm so scared! Go ahead and do it! You're only punishing me because I'm right! You can't ever comprehend being wrong so you need to make yourself look stronger in every other way because you're a coward and a control freak! I may not have been in this world long, but something tells me in the real world you can't collar everyone that upsets you! You're a coward and a god damn fucking tyrant that feels the need to prove himself superior to a fucking TWELVE year old just because I had the audacity to try and help you! I am twelve and everyone here appears to be an adult yet none of you are actually helping me! I wanna go home!"

"Enough!" The masked man's voice yells out and you huff and look away. "That is enough for both of you." You look over at another man with blueish hair and glasses along with a mole struggling to hold in a laugh. You narrow your eyes. "Oh I just KNOW your bitch ass isn't laughing with your birthing hips and gay little face!" The man's eyes widen and he stares in shock for moment before looking down at himself. The crowd erupts in laughter.

"Yuu!" The masked man reprimands before sighing. "Dorm leaders! Take your students to their new homes! I will deal with this… situation" As everyone left, you glared at Crowley.

"It's about time you fucking listened me, hot topic wannabe ass." Crowley could tell that this child would fit in perfectly here.

[belladonazeppole]

What if?... Husk knew his harem when alive.

(Using the Harem!Husk idea of @dealwithadeer also I propose that the harem could be called "Strong Suit")

It would make sense with Husk be one who live the longest.

The thing is that they meet Husk in a high point of his life so they only saw the good side and nobody make the connection that they're the same person.

Problem? Husk does remember them.

Lucifer? One doesn't forget that summoned the devil and survive no matter how much you drink.

Alastor? It was quite clear and more since Alastor doesn't hide who he was when alive.

Angel? He tells him a story when they're alone in the bar and Angel is a bit drunk so he gave a lot of details and Husk make the connection pretty easily later.

Vox? He told him in one of their "dates" that he make him remember the one who got away (in a way to look more sincere and Husk gave him info)

How they meet?

First one Lucifer, they meet in the 20's and Husk was in his early twenties, maybe he was fucking around with a book and end up summoning by accident Lucifer and instead of be scare he ask him for money (a gambler to the the end) Lucifer was amuse by this odd and pretty (I headcanon that Husk was super pretty in his youth, sue me!)

So the deal was that Husk show him a night of entertainment and he would gave him the money, he actually hope to Husk to fail but was surprise for the magic shows of Husk, the glamour of Vegas, having somebody in his arms again (he and Lilith were divorce at that point since I refuse to write Luci as a cheater) it was the most fun he ever had in a long time.

Husk got the money and a King.

Next is Alastor, in the early 30's so Husk was in his early to mid thirties, Husk was the new bartender/sax player in his town at first he was suppose to be his newest victim, and I think that Alastor has a thing in having a "interview" with his victims. He expect to Husk to be like the other men he interview crude, boring and stupid.

He was surprise in how Husk break his expectentions, they actually got along so Alastor decide it would be a waste in killing him so soon, so he spare him, even deciding that if Husk end ups boring him that he could be a nice dessert.

Husk got to live longer and a Ace.

Now Angel Dust, this was in the 40's and Husk was in his mid forties, Angel was recently kick out of his family for be gay and was dealing with a lot of self-hate and drugs, it was his lowest point (so far) and he pass out one night in the snow.

He was shock of waking up in a warm bed while somebody was taking care of him. It was Husk with his boyfriend (Husk was dating a rich dude at the time) even if neither of them say out loud they were boyfriends they also never hide it.

This make Angel feel safe and Husk took care of Angel, in return Angel told him that he make sure that nobody will bother them, Husk didn't know that Angel was a mafioso just kind words of somebody he help.

Husk got protection and a Heart.

Finally is Vox, they meet a lot actually from the 20's to the 50's they had a lot of quick enconters. I headcanon that Husk did drag when he was alive and that is how they meet, Vox wanted to ask Husk for a date but he was already gone for traveling.

Each time they meet again Vox felt a sense of peace since times where changing, he was changing but the only person that maintain all his life was Husk that in the big picture he was still a total stranger but for Vox the only person who saw him since day one.

Vox was either was a cult leader or a CEO (almost the same) so he wanted Husk a his side since he was somebody that see pass his charm. Husk was like the wind pass his fingers and was unable to control him just go to wherever he desire.

Husk got to maintain his freedom and a Diamond.

[reinekes-fox]

Interactive WIPs w Demo

FAQ

Grey Swan I - Birds of a Rose

The Divine Flock. Some call them crazy, some even dangerous. Some even say the cult is hiding dark secrets. But, in all your life you have yet to find one. After all you should know should there be any dark secrets: you are a member after all! A member, not only of the Divine Flock, but also of the Avis Academy, the best school the cult has. Your life is quiet and follows a strict routine, at least until two Strays from the outside, the normal, world are allowed in the normally so closed off grounds and as a newly appointed Wing it is your job to keep an eye on one of them. With their arrival some of those dark secrets may finally come to light…

You ARE not playing as a BIRD!!!

New demo https://dashingdon.com/play/wolv/grey-swan---birds-of-a-rose/mygame/

Old demo https://dashingdon.com/go/13119

Genre: Urban Fantasy, Dark Academia.

Moniker for MC: Wing MC.

Genderselectable MC: cis male or female, trans male or female. However due to growing up in a cult, MC wont know that trans is a thing/what it means, this is something MC can learn about. The same goes for sexual orientation: play as gay, bi, straight, aroace or ace, but be prepared for consequences.

Pick your level of devotion: be a devout follower of the teachings of the Divine Flock, reject it partly or wholly, or simply not care. All of it will have consequences.

Choose one of various school clubs, your volery, and get an unique storyline. Ranging from dance to school security, to managing your social media page.

Important people: Your flock, a group of younger pupils you were responsible for before the Strays arrived. You may not be their Wing on paper anymore, but you still hold a special place in their heart! They do miss you and are looking forward giving you a present on your birthday!

Your volery: whichever volery you joined, you are going to met pupils that are just as enthusiastic about your chosen interest as you are! Some more than others.

Your parents. It’s another question if the relationship between you is good, but important it surely is!

ROs: Fuchsia King

Chase Watson

Wing Droznik Juschka

Wing Astoria Rapace

-only for Peacocks: Marter

-only for Swans: Elrond/Estelle Falkenflug

-Vampire route: Sebastian Voss

-AMAB Raven RO: Marcel Rabenschlag

-Heron RO: Amelia Fern

Grey Swan II - Hawks and Doves

Unless otherwise stated you are playing as a normal human! Two legs, two arms, internal organs, hopefully a brain too. We will see how much of this organ stays intact after state propaganda, will we?

Someone once said that you were the most happiest youth in the world after the Great Heartbeat, that had shattered the old world. Earlier you would have agreed in a heartbeat, wearing the light green uniform of your state youth organisation. But now? When war has come to Avistrions shores and news reels show only destruction ?

Choose your gender, way of thinking and stance while growing up in a religious dictatorship on the giant island Avistrion. Be a devout follower of the Divine Flock, the only thing that survived the earthquake that devastated the earth. Or be the Vulture, trying to rip it to shreds, while wearing the badge of youth leadership… where will you be when war strikes your so closed off country? Which side will you be on when it ends? Will you even survive long enough to see the outcome?

Moniker for MC: Fugol MC.

ROs

Agon Falkenflug Adler/Weihe Habichtklau

Johanna/Nikola Arra

Grey Swan III - Wisteria Birds

Wisteria Birds (fantasy, drama, angst)! Currently on pause.

You are beautiful, trained in art and music. You are deadly, trained in the unique weapons that no one except you can use. You are dying. Kept alive by the very same thing that keeps you save from others abusing their power over you… You have no rights. But you can do whatever you want, even kill, without having to fear any consequences. You are the most pleasant death that anyone can wish for. You are an artwork. And all you are supposed to be is look pretty, show of your owners wealth. But oh, you could become so much more…

You play as a highly specialised trained entertainer… an Artwork, expensive companion to the rich and noble ones in Aklant, a country with rigid rules and unspoken laws, strict class divide and obsessed with anything that shows how rich they are… or at least let them appear rich. Artworks themselves are outside of this all, freed from all those social chains, but not seen as human… maybe its time to change that? Or leave the status quo as it is, up to you!

Moniker for MC: Artwork MC.

ROs:

Fauconniers, your potential buyers:

Chevalier Armand Sanson Alexandre Desrosier Others, you may work together with one or more of them? “Mouette” Sanglant du Verdier

You have been a Hound, the human companion of a vampire, for years.

Until you find yourself among the undead and masterless after a night where everything went wrong… leaving you with no other choice but to move back in with your parents.

ROs (will expand)

Theo Grimm

Agent Rosa Caleb

Marian Viorel

Citadel of dancing birds

Ghibli inspired! Mainly Howls moving castle.

You play someone from our world who ends up in another world! Since this is an aspect I greatly enjoyed in the book and was really sad they didnt include in the movie, there will be chances of jumping between the worlds (and of course becoming a magician too!).

ROs, some are locked into specific magic combinations:

Opera Job and changing into Animals: Santu Cajarin

Changing into Animals: Rosalind Eagledancer

In planning:

-Grey Swan VI - Fallen Dove

-Grey Swan - Birds of a broken mirror

Sth with magicians

Pet projects:

-Unwind Dystology IF

-sth inspired by my fav dojinshi series from like a decade ago

-sth inspired by stranger things and stephen king

[samsm2mstories]

Thomas

Ohhh bro this is a perfect holiday body!!

Thomas here was minding his own business and enjoying his holidays, he was a polite jock but he had something against one of the old cleaners who was checking him out in the room

The worse thing was here that Thomas definitely shouldn't of insulted this old cleaner who took his revenge straight away. This hotel had a cult where the same owners and cleaners are able to take over bodies.

Thomas saw the cleaner turn into black most and it flew straight into his mouth filling up his youthful body. Thomas was totally frozen by this situation until he closed his eyes and they opened up with the cleaners eyes instead.

Thomas was laughing and smirking as he was checking his new youthful body out, all the memories of the jock. He knew every single detail of Thomas and within seconds he was taking selfies and posting up on Instagram and Onlyfans.

Thomas had a slightly deeper accent which suited this body well and looked down at his bulge and knew he was packing a good one.

Thomas finished up and went down to the bar to check out his mates as one of them is a closet gay and ready to be pounded hard by his captain.

[rainbowdaisy13]

TTPD The Anthology Summary Part 1 *IMO*

This is viewed through a queer lens because I believe she is fucking done playing nice so now she’s throwing it in our faces—FUCKING SEE ME

1) Fortnight—

I was supposed to be sent away but they forgot to come and get me/I was a functioning alcoholic till nobody noticed my new aesthetic

*MIGHTY GOD we start right out the gate sad as hell—no one noticed her queer flagging both quiet and loud and that pushed her from being a functioning alcoholic to a not functioning one. She then says to the fans who refused to acknowledge her truth “I hope that you’re ok but you’re the reason” FOR ME BEING INSANE

*Mentioning wanting to kill people that’s a first and I love it

*I love you it’s ruining my life OUCH 🤕 yes that sounds like something straight people deal with 😑

2) TTPD-

*I’m sorry I can’t remember what mutual said this, but I love love this as coming from Karlie’s perspective. It absolutely fits. She ground Taylor in a way no one else can

*First mention of suicide—both can’t live without the other

*Were crazy—owning the demons together

*The wedding ring line—GOD

3) MBOBHFT—

*I see this one as Taylor viewing herself as a commodity, also as someone who is broken and needs to be fixed so that she remains lovable. It also gives me Cardigan vibes without the redemption arc

4) Down Bad—

*Love this Alien Abduction theme. Melody is even spacey sounding. The entire song uses alien motifs and I adore it. Fave line “they’ll say I’m nuts if I talk about the existence of you” Brilliant 👽 Also the concept of an Out of this World Love

5) So Long London—

*Cool opening—beautiful when they layer her own voice

How much sad did you think I had in me? 😫

*I see this song as a My Tears Ricochet 2. Taylor giving all her youth to someone for free. You say I abandon the ship but I was going down with it—I truly believe she tried and begged them to let her come out for years and she was always shot down—2 graves 1 gun, more murder imagery

*So Long London, so long Big Machine

6) BDILH—

Absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking song

These people only raise you to cage you 😫

*Sarahs and Hannahs/braided hair/church/Elders making decisions—giving cult/LDS vibes

Stay away from her -Elders are yelling this—to who? Taylor? So Taylor needs to stay away from HER interesting

*Shed rather burn it all down than listen to them complain about her sexuality and how it impacts them

My good name, it’s mine alone to disgrace —absolutely shots fired at Scott Swift

*Soliloquies line is incredible—“I’ll never see” is such a burn 😆

*This isn’t a phase, this is who she is!!

*YOU AINT GOTTA PRAY FOR ME!! GET THEM ALL BITCH—SHOW THEIR ASSES

*This is my choice!!

GET 👏🏼 THEM 👏🏼 ALL

NO YOU CANT COME TO THE WEDDING PERIOD

7) FOTS—

*Pretty Baby, much like Babydoll is reserved for women and gay men and theys and thems. We don’t call straight men this 😒

*Fresh out the slammer—realllly trying to get these idiots to understand that she’s felt jailed /caged/trapped

My friends…Watch me daily disappearing 😫 fuck

Wearing Imaginary rings 😫😫😫 Says hello to paper rings says hello to imaginary lockets

*It’s gonna be alright she did her time!! 🥹

8) FLORIDA!!!—

I adore this song—my second fave on the album and absolute fucking banger. So glad Florence agreed to this they makes an amazing duo vocally—main vibes—Florida is the place Taylor wants to go to fucking escape the mess she lives in day to day. Anything goes, everyone is there hiding from something—the law, family, winter—nothing is too weird or unaccepted—and a certain someone has a house there 😎

My friends all smell like weed or little babies 😆

Florence’s verse is chefs kiss—Earl had to die vibes, watching bodies sink into the swamp, just full on misandry I LOVE IT—is that a bad thing to say in a song?? 😆 GET THEM ALL

Also I bet this song made Swifties uncomfortable 😆

FUCK ME UP FLORIDA 🤘🏼🤘🏿🤘🏾

9) Guilty as sin?

The Gay Longing/Gay Sex Song

*Another* suicide reference—but she’s just joking right swifities?

👀

No no that’s fine she just described an orgasm and if she’s not touching the person, let’s assume the pic below ⬇️ is like HEY THIS IS THE SEX IM SPEAKING ABOUT—it’s very much giving The Man pose for getting dome👀

And then the Jesus reference is just chefs kiss—gay sex is seen as sin and unholy by idiots and she said ok then bitch, what if I tell you the sex is so good we ARE what’s holy??

👀

She literally said messy top lip kiss and got away with it like 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

10) WAOLOM—

I just……this may be my favorite song of hers ever. It’s absolutely incredible in its intensity, rawness, and truth as well as being a banger

Every lyric screams her pain

My bare hands paved their path/you don’t get to tell me about sad/ If you wanted me dead you should’ve just said

I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street —Witch Imagery again!!

WHOSE AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME

👹YOU SHOULD BE 👹

Shots fired again at Scott Swift!! Let’s hear one more joke—they mocked her pain because they truly thought they could convince her she wasn’t gay 🫥

GODDDD 😫

Put narcotics into all of my songs—“a drug or other substance that affects mood or behavior and is consumed for nonmedical purposes, especially one sold illegally—a drug that relieves pain and induces drowsiness, stupor, or insensibility”

SHE SAID I HAVE TO USE MALE PRONOUNS AND FAKE REFERENCES TO MEN IN MY LYRICS SO YOU IDIOTS STAY STUPID AND HAPPY

and that’s why you’re still singing along 😎

Just WOW

Brilliant and Heartbreaking and RAW

🤍🤍🤍 We love you Girl 🤍🤍🤍

[sun-citadel]

The violet sapphic flag

I decided to start work on a sapphic flag, as the original one did not feel inclusive to masculine presenting sapphics. The inclusive sapphic flag also felt too random for me to feel aligned, so I spent time researching a flag design

Excuse any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language.

Info below. Original thread here. Tiktok version [ without typos ]

1. Why violets ?

The poetry of Sapphos often included talk of violet crowns, with one of her famous poems reading ;

` … Many crowns of violets,

roses and crocuses

…together you set before more

and many scented wreaths

made from blossoms

around your soft throat… `

Violets historically are considered a symbol of sapphic love and the LGBT movement, and are seen in pop culture, such as the cult classic lesbian movie, Bound. A 1926 play also involved a woman sending violets to another, as a potential nod to Sapphos. When the poem was censored / boycotted, women would send violets in support.

To say violets were not a part of LGBT + , and primarily spaphic / lesbian history would be a false statement.

2. Why these colours ?

I colour picked from violets themselves, primarily the African and common violet. One for their inclusion of white, and the other for its range of hues from more blue to magenta. I felt they could align with the various presentations seen within sapphic culture, as I myself ID as transmasculine / presently as a soft butch. There are those who are transfemme, femme, masc, androgynous, etc., and this various spectrum of colours I feel could align with how the community is not just one, but various shade of violet.

I spent time researching LGBT history, and have come up with meanings for these specific colours. They were carefully chosen for both traditional colour meanings, as well as symbolisms that align with the LGBT+ community.

From lavander to pink, both colours have a history of representing the community, and have become symbols reclaimed. From sapphos flowers, to the pink triangle, it is important to remember our history and struggles. Pink triangles itself was used as a symbol for transwomen, as an identifier for example [ as well as gay individuals, but this isn't about them at this time ] , but have been reclaimed to represent lgbt+ rights and our struggles. It is important to never forget those who came before us.

Each colour was picked based off traditional meanings, as well as identifying traits of the community.

3. Colour meanings?

From top to bottom, these colour meanings are ;

1. Femininity, health.

Pink is associated with femininity, so this is for the purely femme presenting individuals, whether trans, nb, or however they ID. It also is the colour of love, and health [ ex , ` everything is rosy ` meaning good ] .

2. Love, compassion.

A lighter shade of pink is usually associated with love, and with love comes compassion and understanding.

3. Youth and age.

From our lives comes the fact that, we as sapphics, lesbians, etc. know that deep down, this is who we truly are. Whether you're young, or come to the realization later, we live life as our authentic self. May we grow old and happy.

4. Limitless potential.

With those who are not afraid to break the gender / sexual binary, and present in ways uncaring of societal norms.

Whether trans, nonbinary, asexual, or uncaring of labels, I hope you find who you truly are.

5. Soft masculinity.

To be soft and masculine is frowned upon in society, but some of us present in ways that we deem just right. It is an oxymoron on many levels to those who do not understand, but we are indifferent and stand tall.

6. Wisdom.

With our history, we can learn and grow, it is important to never forget it. Ever on we march to assure that we are treated as equals.

7. Serenity, masculinity.

A nod to the original flag that brought us here, while also representing the other side of the spectrum for fully masc individuals. Once again, this is for those in the trans umbrella, or comfortable in their gender.

4. Who can use it ?

Sapphics or anyone who falls into that general category.

TERF / SWERFS / anyone not inclusive of the trans community are not permitted.

Please do not use if m - spec lesbian.

[ramshacklefey]

Maybe it's just an allergic reaction from growing up in a cult, but I cannot help looking at some queers and would-be leftists and seeing the seeds of the exact social framework I grew up in. So, here are some questions to ask yourself about your social circle, online or offline:

Do people around me subscribe to a good-evil dichotomy, and is this dichotomy applied to people? There is no such thing as a "good" or "evil" person. In fact, I encourage everyone to ditch the entire concept of "evil." It's not a useful concept. The kind of thinking that creates good and evil as absolute categories, especially if it is then applied to humans, benefits no one. Learn to accept that morality can be vague in a lot of places, and that a person's actions may be judged right, supererogatory (going beyond moral requirements), less than ideal, wrong, misguided, or morally bankrupt without making any claims about that person's inherent nature.

Do the people around you un-person anyone? This flows out of the previous question, because declaring someone "evil" is usually enough to declare them not a person. And even if you've never consciously put it this way, we all "know" that we don't have the same moral duties to non-persons that we do to persons. There is no action a person can take that removes them from the category of "person." There is no group a person can belong to that removes them from the category of "person." And if the people around you are willing to act as if there were, there is nothing preventing them from doing the same to you.

Do the people around you accept the idea of social contagion? Do they support shunning/exile as punishment? Again, this comes from the idea of evil, but it goes another level down. The claim becomes not just that someone is evil, but that therefore only other evil people would associate with them. This is most apparent during cancel campaigns, when the mob is as happy to turn on the friends, coworkers, and relatives of the target as they are to attack their primary target. But even if someone has genuinely done some fucked up shit, there is nothing they can do that makes them unworthy of friendship. And associating, being friends with, and loving someone who has done wrong in the past doesn't have any moral bearing on you. Communities that act otherwise damage everyone. Fear of being associated with some who has fucked up means that people with maladaptive behavior patterns are cut off from positive relationships with those who could help them. And the threat of ruining lives in this way makes it harder for people to ask for help, whether they are the perpetrator or the victim of bad behavior.

Do the people around you assign moral weight to the media others enjoy? This is a concept straight outta the evangelical handbook. I cannot tell you how many youth group meetings I attended where we talked about the "danger" of Bad Media: it would poison your mind, it would make you drink and smoke, it would make you gay, it would make you have premarital sex. Horror films would make people violent. Angry music would let the devil into your soul. It was all a load of bunk. It remains a load of bunk no matter what it is that you object to, and people who are trying to control what media you have access to are way overstepping their boundaries.

Do the people around you assign moral weight to identity categories? Do they engage in any kind of essentialism? Assigning this sort of weight is just as bad when it's a bunch of leftists saying that All Men Suck as it is when it's a right wing preacher saying that Gays Are Dangerous. Claiming that a person can be more or less virtuous based on their inherent qualities is wrong and dangerous.

Are the people around you as or more worried about appearing virtuous as they are about actually doing the right thing? I was told throughout my childhood to avoid even the appearance of sin. Keeping up a public face of virtuousness and purity was necessary in order to be accepted by the community. This includes things like using the "right" language, enjoying the "right" media, dressing and presenting yourself the "right" way, and many others.

Do the people around you divide the world into categories, defined on a black and white dichotomy of people who are "on your side" and people who are "out to get you"? Yeah, this one is tricky, because if you live under any kind of oppression, there are actually people who want to hurt you and have the structural power to do so. But the vast majority aren't those people. The vast majority of people are just trying to live their own lives, and most are unaware of the problems you're facing. When you're inside a social circle like this, it's easy to get caught up in the mentality that everyone knows what you know, so their actions speak to which "side" they're on. The reality is that most people are indifferent to you, but would object to you being badly treated if they actually understood the situation.

Do the people around you object to nuanced assessments of a situation or morality in general? Is there some kind of "canon" of acceptable beliefs and slogans? Is anything outside of this considered suspect if not outright bad? If your thoughts on mortality and politics can be summed up entirely in tweets and bumper stickers, and people around you get angry at nuance or new ideas, that's a bad sign.

These aren't all of them, and none of these are hard and fast. There are fuzzy edges on all of them. But they are all tactics that enforce social cohesion and Right Behavior at the expense of actual discussion or measured responses to situations. They rely on and grow out of living in a high surveillance culture.

You can push back against them by minding your own business, refusing to engage in surveiling others, and actively opposing judging anyone to be a non-person.

So many of us grew up in and have tried to claw our way out of this kind of social life. Don't just recreate it.

[queer-mystery-tournament]

Welcome to the Queer Mystery Character Tournament

The tournament:

The mystery, thriller, and horror genres have long been associated with queer themes. From the early homoeroticism of classic detective media, to the golden age of horror ushered in largely by gay men; from the popularity of anime mystery series with closeted youth to the more explicitly queer webcomics gaining a cult following, generations of queers have enjoyed representation through these genres. To celebrate these genres and their popularity, I, Mercury (host of this-is-a-podcast-fanblog) have created this bracket tournament to duke it out for coveted title of best character. This is just for sillies and fun so keep it positive!

The rules:

Submissions are now open so I can source characters for the bracket. Here are the rules for submissions:

The character must be from detective, horror, or thriller media that in some way involves a mystery. If the work is horror or thriller but doesn't contain a mystery it will be accepted. For example, characters from Scream will be accepted because there is a mystery of who Ghostface is, but characters from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre will not be accepted because there is no mystery aspect.

If the character is not canonically queer, explain your head canon and what identity you think they are.

Submissions should be structured by name, media, identity, and any other facts you want to include. For example: "Benoit Blanc, Knives Out, canonically a gay man."

You don't have to submit a picture but it would be nice if you did to make my job easier!

No real people or true crime, please.

Don't even THINK about submitting BBC Sherlock! You can submit other forms of Sherlock Holmes media but if you submit BBC Sherlock we will all point and laugh at you (I am a Tumblr veteran and was here for all that nonsense. Never again.)

The brackets:

I will give each character a seed number based on how many times they've submitted, basketball style. If anyone has more experience making brackets and would like to offer their advice I'm all ears. ;D

And that's it! Please reblog and tag your favorite fandoms, and start submitting!

[probablyasocialecologist]

Leaked chat logs from a community Discord server operated by the gender-critical organization Genspect show that the group leverages fears about transgender youth to organize opposition to transitioning for all adults.  The chats reveal people around the organization using radical language, as well as coordinating with right-wing legislative and political efforts in the U.S., U.K., and across the world that have attempted to stir panic and outrage over transitioning.  Founded as an umbrella organization to “support people with gender dysphoria,” Genspect claims to be a “leading organization that offers an alternative to WPATH,” the World Professional Association for Transgender Health, which publishes trans healthcare standards. Its Discord, which is now invitation-only, paints a different picture. 

[...]

Members of the Genspect chat openly speak about “groomers” and “pedophiles” affiliated with what they call the “trans cult,” a line of rhetoric plucked from the larger anti-trans movement.  “The real aggressive powers…pulling the strings in the transgender movement are the autogynephilic and pedophilic men,” one parent said. “They are seeing changes in society that suit the pursuit of their fetishes.” The fear of social contagion has been upgraded to fears about “grooming” or coercing children into being queer, a key narrative of anti-gay movements from the 70s to today.  Some of the members of the group express admiration for Gays Against Groomers and blame school officials for “grooming” children into LGBT identities.  The Anti-Defamation League identifies Gays Against Groomers as one of a number of far-right extremist groups, including Libs of TikTok and the Proud Boys, that coordinate violence against the LGBT community. 

[kindsoulbuddy]

The thing about praise and worship music at church is that

It’s catchy

Repetitive simple lyrics

It’s played on repeat every Sunday

So even though I’ve been deconstructing for years from evangelicalism, most days praise and worship music from my youth plays in my head.

So every once in a while I’ll sing to myself something joyful like “I got peace like a river I got peace like a river I got peace like a river in my soul!” 🎶

Or maybe “ Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere!” 🎶

Or maybe something peaceful like “As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after Thee…”🎶

Mostly it doesn’t bother me.

But then 90s/Y2K Christian pop music gets stuck in my head.

Like sometimes Rebecca St. James lyrics go through my head like this one glorifying purity culture:

“I am waiting for, praying for you darling! Wait for me too, wait for me as I wait for you! Darling Wait!”

Or you know just songs from DC Talk..

“What if I stumble, what if I fall? What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?”

Or

“There’s no time to change your mind, the Son has come and you’ve been left behind.”

I think about the awful Rapture Anxiety I had for years and years…

And then i think about being in youth group and yes the fun times but also the moments when we had alter calls.

And the crying and sobbing. The speaking in tongues. The teenagers falling on their faces.

The sensationalized, sometimes violent “Human Videos” (just look up human videos on YouTube there are many).

Teens vowing to die for Christ.

When the Columbine shooting happened all we heard about were the apocryphal stories of students being martyred for Jesus.

I wondered “will a shooter come into our church today and ask us to deny Christ or be shot? What will I do if that happens??”

And what if I lose my salvation just because I had doubts? And what if I get possessed by a demon?

Not to mention purity culture and what it does to a young girl. (All kids suffered but we girls had to be modest and never cause any man to stumble by looking at our shoulder or something)

Abstinence class and signing a pledge to remain a pure virgin until my wedding night.

All the teenagers in every youth group were running around with raging hormones and couldn’t do anything about it. So a lot of us got married quickly. (I was engaged at 19, married at 21).

I mean I’m not even getting into young earth creationism or anti-gay rhetoric or pro life marches, etc..

But you can see that so much of my life (as good as it was for the most part, I was fortunate)was fear based?

And the thing is most of the people (congregation, I can’t speak for all the pastors and church leaders) at church didn’t mean for it to happen that way.

See, I was taught that there is freedom in Christianity. But why didn’t I feel free? That must mean my faith is weak, right?

It’s just so exhausting.

And I went to church regularly for my first 33 years of life. I volunteered, I taught Sunday school classes. I was trying to do it the right way.

Then Covid 19 happened.

I was forced to stop going to church for the first time in my life.

And honestly for years before this I was deconstructing. What really sped this process along was a certain Orange president and his very un-Christianlike followers.

And like Paul in the book of Acts, the scales fell off my eyes. I was blind but now could see. Really see.

The way my Christian peers were acting. The way they refused vaccines and even wearing masks. The cult-like behavior toward Donald Trump. The Christian nationalists.

And after a few months of no church…I realized I didn’t miss it.

After 2020, my deconstruction days really took off. I still don’t go to church (outside of a few weeks trying a gay-affirming congregation).

I used to compulsively pray.

And for hours i would pore over the scriptures trying to glean special meaning. Taking copious notes deep into the night.

(have OCD and I now realize that this brand of religion made my OCD symptoms so much worse.)

But it’s weird…

I have religious trauma. I’m learning about how I was literally in a cult. I’m still trying to unlearn stuff. I still get fearful sometimes about “what if I’m wrong?”.

But I still have good memories of growing up in church. Just like how I still sing old church songs in my head.

I’ve been to many churches, but I grew up in a small country church. I knew it like the back of my hand. It’s how I met some of my best friends and in turn, it’s how I met my husband of 17 years.

I can’t say I regret it. Like anything in life it’s complicated and complex.

I miss the social aspect of church too. I’ve never found another social space like it. I’ve tried! I can’t figure out any other “3rd place” that resembles it.

I’m not sure why i wrote so much down except to say i know a lot of people understand where I’m coming from.

In the meantime, I like to go on r/fundiesnarkuncensored, also i watch Fundie Fridays on YouTube…and I do quite a bit of reading on the subject of others who left the church. Recently I just read Tia Levings’ new book “the Well Trained Wife.”

I’m more at peace about it.

But I think my complex feelings and even some doubts will follow me forever.

[stillbornedprincess]

things on my mind recently 🤍

art made by former children . Ok ok I know that’s a horrid description but what I mean is art made by those whomst still bled and cried like one . But in particular the works of Sam Butcher, the mind behind the precious moments figurines . I’ve been ruminating upon the Oklahoma City bombing memorial thing he designed : here it is

it’s a reimagining of the famous photograph of a fire-man holding the body of a beloved child in his arms. Butcher felt that all the child casualties of the tragedy made it precious and so he designed teary little tyke holding peaceful girl . When I read about this I found it thoughtful and sweet until the next day till I read about why this design did not go onto the market . The families of the deceased found it horrific, insensitive+disturbing . We can see why, butcher’s vision was and still is taken by most as disordered and insane. (If you are unfamiliar with it and want to know you could research it online and then I suppose this would make more sense .)

this seems to happen a lot to artists of a similar vein, I think of tiny tim and all he had to say was beaten down as novel+comedic or gay+paedophilic. he, like butcher, was a member of the cult of innocence and mort/morality

on the flip side of the coin, we have the album called “bite” composed by artist bruce haack . his ethos would also be looked on as cracked, but it was on the sick creativity of the young. I will focus on one track that was titled child psychologist. this one was picked because i feel that if this was discovered when I was small+alone , it would had brought laughter, albeit cynical. the song tells a story of a thirteen year old boy who takes the role of the psychologist, making jokes of diagnosis and speaking of reading the minds of his patients. the track is hard a hard listen if not for the purpose of catharsis for its rough synth guaranteed to inspire a migraine, but it’s the spirit of the youth. now I’m thinking of a comment i once read on a video about mr rodgers TV show, let me find it.. oh, I can’t find it. the commenter wrote told about their days as a youth, 1960’s , growing up unlabelledly autistic in a normal family going to a normal school, and the painful alienation that came with it. the television episodes were the only thing to sooth this commenters weariness.., the message of love no matter how strange you may be is one that would give a lot of young ones peace .. remember how it was when you were little ? with no clue what was wrong with you ? I imagine to the commenter those broadcasts would be on similar wavelength to those little suds when soap bubbles had been left to dry on your skin a bit long. the softness of their scent and the linger like a hug and on the fingertips like love. simple and clean domestic soothing that can be done by yourself ….