#had to make it more like early one direction instead of... whatever i was doing before

[doyouknowthemossinman]

decided i had to make a new cover photo for danny's playlist, might as well post it here too <3

[jarofstyles]

Lullaby

okay... so here we are with a new vamprry. pleaseee let me know what you guys think, I am a slut for vampy so I figured we needed some more of him in our life :)

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WC- 3.1k

Warnings- mentions of blood, vampires, stalking (Edward Cullen has nothing on him), twilight slander, invasion of privacy, morally gray H, etc

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Harry hated that stupid movie. 

It wasn’t at all what real vampires were. While he wished it was as lighthearted as the movie tried to portray, it was a bit more classy and a lot more hierarchical than the humans would truly ever know. They walked among them, yes, but in more plain sight than they could ever guess. Celebrities, politicians, even royalty were of vampiric life. It wasn’t as silly as this movie suggested, nor did they solely feed off of animal blood. It did taste a bit gamey, did in a pinch, but he wasn’t one who could stomach that sort of pseudo vegan lifestyle. Ever since that movie had erupted from whatever depths of hell it was created, it had caused him nothing but strife. Years later the vampire craze had seemed to slow, but lines were nearly burned into his ears after being subjected to the comfort movie of his unfortunate neighbor and object of his current affection.

He knew it was creepy and perhaps the one thing he shared with the Cullen fellow. Watching her as she slept. 

It was dangerous, stupid even, for her to leave her windows unlocked and while part of him wanted to scold her for it, the other part was thankful. He didn’t have to form another guise to get into her house, he could enter directly where his little human laid her head at night and he could watch her breathe. Listen to her breaths and heartbeats underneath the television shows she left on to drown out any noises the old house may make. That’s what she said in her journal, anyway. 

He sat in the chair across from her bed, listening to the comfort of her heartbeats as he flipped through the pages. It was an invasion of privacy, he knew it, and while sometimes he felt bad… it was his way of getting to know her. Morals had never quite been his thing anyway, let alone when it came to the girl snoozing in her bed like a pleased kitten in a sunbeam. Maybe he was deluding himself, but he swore that she calmed the fitful sleep when he entered his room. Like her body knew of his presence. Instead of being on edge, like any sensible human would be in direct contact with a predator, she possibly had a miswire of her brain. 

For all of the things he knew about her, for his addiction to her scent and being near her, they didn’t talk much. Harry owned the house next to hers, which was originally a rental, but the moment he had caught her scent he knew he had to stay longer. 

It was unnatural if you were a human, sure, but if you were a vampire you would understand. There were certain people, certain scents, that drove you insane. That weighed heavily on your brain and acted as an addiction. Y/N had captured his attention the moment he had pulled into the street, Harry immediately clocked that she had been the source of the scent that had caught his nose a few miles away. He’d been meaning to park at his place and go on foot in search of it, but as fate would have it; she was right next door. 

To get an invitation into her house, it had been quite simple. Using his cat that didn’t exist as an excuse; he asked if he could come around and look for him in her yard. The little thing had gasped, nodding her head ecstatically and inviting him in without second thought, only with the promise of getting a pet in if he were to find the fictional cat. A good thing for him, but worrying for the future. Inviting people in, vampires in, was incredibly dangerous. He had wanted to scold her for it, to make her understand the danger she had put herself in, but it was much harder to do that when said woman had no idea that his kind could even be a threat to her. 

From there it had been waving when he left and she sat on her porch with her book, feet tucked under her body as she rocked on her glider. A pitcher of cherry limeade next to her, sweetening her blood in ways that made his fangs prick his lips. The human did things she had next to no clue affected him so deeply. One particular day he had been desperate to hear her voice, going as far as stealing her mail so he could deliver it to her himself. Knocking at her door, he’d been anxious with anticipation hearing her walk up to the front of her house. Water had been on and there was the faint scent of lemon dish soap lingering in the air along with the slight clinking of dishes, cluing him into the fact she had definitely been doing her dishes. When his obsession did answer the door, his breath had caught in his throat as he looked down at her. 

Something about that day had shifted his addiction to her into overdrive. Watching her eyes widen and the smile grow on her face, tendrils of hair falling out of her ponytail and her heartbeat picking up, he had found out that he wasn’t the only one with an interest. He’d handed over the mail, swallowing the lump in his throat as her smaller hand brushed his own. Warm, silky skin, lighting him up with the single touch. It had been a short interaction, mostly due to the burning in his throat as the wind picked up and washed him with her scent yet again. A muttered excuse had made even himself wince as he was mindful of his pace, walking back to his place and getting directly into his car. He’d needed a feed desperately if he was going to be around her. 

Harry had done a plethora of ridiculous things in order to slowly wiggle himself into the little human’s life, but getting a pet cat was probably the most ridiculous. A fluffy black cat with golden eyes and a raspy meow had been his pick, letting it have the run of the house and the yard because what if Y/N asked about it? The plan was to get himself intertwined in her life, so he had to have some truths to it. 

As oblivious as some humans could be, he knew his human was far more perceptive in terms of figuring out if people had things off with them. Her diary had said as much. 

Tonight, he had been chomping at the bit for her to go to sleep. Waiting outside her house, watching her shut it down and go upstairs as he scaled the large tree next to her room for a view. He could tell she was tired, but she sat for twenty minutes scribbling away into her notebook with a smile on her face and the pace of her heart upticking a few times, making him wonder what she was writing about. Was it him? Her certainly hoped so.

It was pathetic. If anyone knew of his wistful sighs and his borderline obsessive routine of slipping into her room one she fell into dreamland, they’d surely remind him that getting involved with a human was surely a terrible idea. It wasn’t unheard of, no, but it ended in disaster some of the time. The vampire counterpart going too far during a feeding, accidentally hurting them during sex, the human getting sick and them perishing leaving the eternal to go insane after. Even still, the threat wasn’t enough to keep him away from her. 

As he heard her breathing even out, he climbed slowly into her room and made sure to keep quiet as she hadn’t entered the deepest part of sleep yet. Usually he had some sort of control on his need to be around her but after their conversation in her backyard, he had been itching to get into her mind. 

The journal was a deep brown, suede strings around it with a few charms on the worn material. It wrapped around to keep it closed, reminding him of his own journals back in his estate. She cherished each one of her journals, it seemed, and he found himself liking her even more because of it. Humans could be so wasteful, so unaware of the things they produced. His human, though, she was mindful of her footprint. A slight smile twitched at the corner of his lips as he looked down at her sleeping form. Looming over her wasn’t the brightest idea, but something in his restless soul had calmed with the vision of her safe and snug in the warm blankets. 

His stomach was full from one of those dreaded blood packets. Nothing like the real thing, required heating, but he needed to ensure she was safe from him. With blood that made his mouth water, even with his strong restraint he wasn’t going to leave anything to chance. The idea of anything happening to her weighed heavily on him, twisting his stomach each and every time it came to light in his mine. “Gorgeous.” He murmured, brushing his knuckle against her cheek. The touch was a compulsion, unable to help it as he felt the warmth under his cool digit. Every time he limited himself to just a few fleeting touches, but he could feel it getting harder and harder staying away from her as the days went by. 

Mentally prying himself from her form, he took the journal in his hand and padded over to the armchair in the corner. It gave a perfect view of her sleeping face, the soft lines making his chest squeeze before he opened up the leatherbound book to the newest entry. 

‘I saw him again today. I haven’t spoken about him much in here but I think its time to. 

He is ungodly handsome. I’m talking, how are you real, greek god, roman statue good looking.’

He had to stifle a laugh, running his finger over the inked words. 

‘His name is Harry and we’ve met a few times, but today was the longest we spoke. I finally met his cat, Midnight, which is a less than original name for a black cat but I’ll let it slide. He was so gentle with him, picking him up and letting me hold him. He purred and was absolutely the cutest little thing ever, but I was distracted by his owner. Usually he doesn’t say much and originally I thought he didn’t like me or something, but I think he’s just shy.’

Another thing that made him have to seal his lips from reacting to. Harry wasn’t shy, he was cold. He kept to himself not because he was afraid, but because he wasn’t fond of communication. In her case, though, it was because he wasn’t sure he could keep from asking her to come over to his place and find a way to seduce her. To get her just as addicted to his presence as he was to hers. As morally gray as a creature could be, he didn’t want to force her affections. 

‘ He has the nicest voice. It’s quiet but dark and deep and I felt bad for thinking about what else it could say later on, but it’s not like he’d ever know. There has never been another person to his house that I’ve seen that looks romantic, but maybe he just like fuckbuddies. Sucks that hes my neighbor and I get dreadfully emotionally attached, otherwise I’d suggest that sorta thing. Maybe. It’s unlike me to feel so curious about a man considering I’ve been doing my best to try and stay true to my no dating year, but it’s incredibly hard not to want to see more of him.’

Sitting up in his seat, he didn’t suppress the smirk on his face as he read what she wrote down. Maybe one day he’d feel guilt about reading her private thing, but right now? He was fucking thankful he did. There was confirmation of returned interest, interest in more nonetheless. Usually the idea of more than a night of sex would send the vampire running, but his little human had bewitched him. There would be no world in which he could have a single night with her and give her up. Being more in tune with the more primal parts of him, he had the knowledge that it was already finding himself tangled in her web. This mere human trapping his affections in steel threads. 

‘I think I’m gonna try and feel him out a bit. Not in a creepy way or anything but, maybe take more initiative. The only problem with that is he is super intimidating and probably a bit out of my league, and I’ve got no damn clue if he’s single or even looking. At the risk of making a fool out of myself, I’m gonna try and see. Mama always did say you never got anything if you didn’t ask. I still can’t believe how many times i've quoted her in here. I wish she was around so I could ask her what to do.’

The smile on his face slipped as he was reminded of previous entries. His sweet little human was pretty alone in the world. She had some friends, was good with the other neighbors, but she had no family. She still had no clue it was him that left her the pie and stack of romance books outside her door on Christmas. He’d feel gutted at the idea of her spending it alone, especially after reading and knowing how badly she craved companionship. There was no true talk of what happened to her family other than there being an accident, but that was something he would let her tell him herself. 

‘I hope I’m not just reading into things because I’m a little desperate for someone to want me, but I swore I could feel him checking me out. He gave me a cute little smile and the motherfucker had dimples. DIMPLES! How is it possible for a man as severely handsome as him to look adorable when he smiled? God does indeed have favorites.’ 

It was definitely a stroke to the ego to know how attractive she found him, but the next paragraph was what really moved him. 

‘Above all of that, he seems pretty smart. Really intelligent, actually. He’s quite charming once he starts talking to you, and I felt like he was really giving me every bit of his attention. In a way it was a little overwhelming because I haven’t ever felt that way before from a man, but it was so nice to have someone give me their time without the distraction of phones or work or anything. We talked for probably about half an hour and I found myself getting closer to the fence, almost asking if he wanted to come in for a coffee or if he was down, cherry limeade. I didn’t want to seem desperate though, so I said bye first. Stupid on my part. He seems like the type of person who I could talk to for hours and not get bored. That's a rare type of person. Then again, maybe I am slightly delusional.’ 

If only she knew.

Harry closed the journal, diligently trying to replicate the way she had wrapped the suede around the leather before getting up and placing it back on her nightstand. 

“If only you knew that you make me feel so insane that I’d risk stealing a star for you.” His words were delicate, hopefully entering her dreams. It was abundantly apparent to him that she wasn’t given the proper affection in her life and It would be his job to provide.A challenge he was up for. His fingers found her face again, delicately tracing the curve of her nose as he tried to commit each mark on her to memory. It was interrupted, though, when she let out a little whimper in her sleep, making him freeze and his eyes widen. He was fully prepared to have to wipe her memories, to have her eyes fluttering open and screams leaving her throat, but instead she did the opposite. Hands emerged from under the blankets, lightly grabbing onto his wrist and pulling his cool touch onto her hot cheek. Silky smooth skin, slightly damp from the light sweat in her sleep nuzzled into his palm. He watched as limbs stretched under her before she curled up again and held his hand to her face, urging the touch to stay put.

She was asleep and sought him out. The grip on his sleeve lessened as she fell back into the slumber he was jealous of, wishing he could be in her head and see the things she had running around up there. The sweetest hum left her throat in a final act of settling, Harry allowing the urges to win and ran his thumb over the curve of said cheek.  It was astonishing to him, given that her body should be sensing the danger of having the monster who had dreamed of sinking his fangs into her throat, her wrist, her inner thigh, feasting on her blood- but maybe she could also sense that he wouldn’t want to hurt her. Just a taste. He could live with just a taste of her on his tongue. “Sweet little thing…” He swallowed, finding the urge more strong by the moment. All he craved was crawling into the bed with her, pulling her frame into his own and burying his face in the curve of her neck. He would take a little bite, just enough to get it on his tongue before he licked it closed. He wanted to feel her breathing against his hand and hear every shift she made at night, the rush of blood through her veins. It was surpassing the normal urges a vampire would have with his prey, but he had a feeling it had never been normal between them. He couldn’t change it overnight. His body softened as he leaned against the bed, a soft hum leaving his lips as he began to lightly sing the soft lullaby he had been coaxed into dreamland with as a child.

There was no moving him, not until the first hint of sunlight lit the sky azure. The best night of his life had been sitting on his knees by her bedside, allowed to have his cold skin warmed by her cheek as she had put it there herself. When he had to finally pull away, the warmth tingled in his palm as he pressed it to his own cheek and imagined how it would feel the day she let him warm himself from the source. However long that would take, he would wait along for her and let her cling to his unknowing hand to sing her the quietest lullabies to quell any fears she had.

[goldenempyrean]

Spring Showers

〚 Notes - Hello! This was based off this: request! I was meant to post this yesterday I think but something came up. Hopefully this is enjoyable, honestly feels good to write again :) 〛

〚 Pairing - Natasha Romanoff x Reader 〛

〚 Summary - When you’re sick, your day goes from bad to worse. A small car breakdown later and you find yourself unexpectedly bumping into Natasha. 〛

〚 Wordcount - 2681 〛

〘 Check Out My Masterlist! 〙

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Waking up that fresh spring morning, you rolled over to snooze the alarm that had pulled you out of your slumber, hitting it lazily before letting gravity take control and send your arm flopping over the edge of the bed.

You groaned a little as it hit the edge of your bed, rubbing your elbow with an annoyed look as if somehow death-staring the metal frame would make up for it.

As you begrudgingly got out of bed, the chill of the early morning hit you, sending a shiver down your spine. You had to admit felt a bit off, today. Your head heavy and your throat scratchy but you ignored the signs of fatigue and finished getting dressed and ready for the day.

Nat was always one to be up and out early in the mornings. Running, training or sometimes even just reading, whatever it was, she was definitely up and ready for her day before sunrise. Early bird gets the worm? Well, the early widow gets her 90-minute workout in without being disturbed. She liked it that way.

Unfortunately, it meant you usually weren’t able to see her most days before heading out to work - the rare exception being when you were on a late shift and got a few extra hours at home before heading out.

You weren’t an Avenger like your girlfriend, instead you served the people of New York by working in the local hospital as the Chief Nurse in charge. It was a demanding job, but one you found incredibly rewarding.

The pouring rain grabbed back your wandering attention as you sat sleepily over your chosen bowl of cereal. You hadn’t really had an appetite but had forced a few bites down regardless before you lost interest. Checking your phone, you realised you needed to set off, so you grabbed your car keys and headed out the compound.

As you pulled into the hospital's parking lot, you mentally prepared yourself for the day ahead. You tried to clear your throat as you checked yourself over in the mirror, but it ended in you coughing raspily and sighing in defeat as you rubbed your throat. Maybe water would get rid of the soreness, you thought as you took a tentative sip from your bottle… nope, it still hurt. What a fun day this was going to be.

Whoever said being in charge was fun, was sorely mistaken. Throughout the morning, you found yourself raising your voice more often than usual to be heard over the cacophony of the emergency room. By midday, your voice had started to crack and strain, sending sharp pains down your throat with each word.

Eventually you resigned yourself to your office, sick (literally) of the mix of pitiful, disgusted and annoyed glances you were receiving from both residents and patients.

As you sat in your office, trying to soothe your aching throat and mustering the energy to tackle the mountain of paperwork on your desk, the hospital intercom made you jump as it crackled to life, urgently calling you to the ER.

You groaned but despite your muscle’s aching, your instincts kicked in, and you rushed out of your office towards the ER.

As you entered the chaotic room, your senses were assaulted by the echo of urgent voices and the sharp smell of antiseptic made your eyes water.

You had barely assessed the ongoing situation before a sudden sneeze erupted from you, surprising yourself with its volume. You’d quickly covered your mouth, but the damage was done. Several heads turned in your direction, eyebrows raised in concern.

Before you could even attempt to explain, your boss appeared, her expression a mix of concern and sternness. "What are you doing here, Y/N?" She asked, her tone indicating she already knew the answer.

You tried to muster a response, but your throat rebelled, emitting only a hoarse croak instead.

Your bosses' eyes softened slightly, an understanding look settling on her face. "You're ill," She stated matter-of-factly. "Go home, rest, and don't come back until you're fully recovered. We don’t need you starting an epidemic.”

Despite your protests, she ushered you out of the ER and back to your office to collect your belongings. She helped you collect your things, only stopping to hold a thermometer to your ear as she checked your temperature.

You thanked her hoarsely as she held open the door for you, “Seriously, I don’t want you back until 48 hours after that fever breaks.” She warned with a stern tone but the gentle pat on your back made it obvious she was just worried that’s all.

As you stepped out of the hospital, the chilly rain immediately soaked through your clothes, sending shivers down your spine. You dropped your keys twice as you fumbled to unlock your car, finally flopping down behind the wheel with an drained sigh - a sigh which your crackling lungs despised, reprimanding you in the form of a burning cough.

As you drove home, the rain beat relentlessly against the windshield, blurring the already dimly lit road ahead. Each cough sent a sharp pang through your chest, and your vision blurred with exhaustion. You tried to focus on driving safely, your mind drifting to the warmth of your bed and girlfriend waiting for you at home. Not long now…

But just as you approached a traffic light, your car sputtered, the engine emitting a series of ominous noises before finally giving out with a pathetic wheeze. Panic seized you as you coasted to the side of the road, hazard lights flashing weakly in the rain.

You tried to restart the engine, but it only responded with a feeble groan before falling silent again.

“Oh you piece of shit!” You slammed your hand on the wheel as the car’s engine light flickered an angry red, “Stupid, fucking-“ An awful cough broke off your curse, your grip on the wheel turning white as your lungs burned.

After you caught your breath, you leaned back in your seat, feeling utterly defeated. Each raindrop seemed to mock your predicament, drumming against the windshield like a cruel taunt. With a heavy heart and a pounding headache you pulled out your phone - fighting back exhausted tears as you saw the critical low battery warning flash up on the screen.

You didn’t know the number of any breakdown services or anyone that could really be of help. The most you were able to do was to text Tony to ask him to help you move your car tomorrow. He had always been quick to respond so you found your spirits lifting just an inch higher when he agreed. However, those spirits were surely crushed when you opened up the Uber app on your phone only for the screen to turn black, taunting you with the picture of an empty battery.

“For fucks sake!”

There was nothing more you could do. You’d just have to walk. Nobody was coming to save you. You were a grown girl. You can look after yourself. There was a grocery store just down this road, maybe 10 minutes or so. You’d be able to stop there, rest, maybe pick up a few supplies. There’d be a phone there too, you’d be able to call someone to pick you up.

As you trudged through the rain, each step heavier than the last, you had to practically drag yourself down the street as your congested lungs begged for air. It was hard for see through the constant rain; the whistling of the wind made your ears throb. The chill of your soaked clothes clung tightly to your skin, and the coughing fits continued to rack your exhausted body until finally you’d made it.

You didn’t wait any longer before heading inside. The bright fluoresce of the lights made your eyes sting a little but this was miles better compared to being outside getting battered by the rain.

With each stumbling step, you grabbed a basket make your way to find some medicine. You just wanted something to make you feel better, just anything that would put an end to your awful day.

Maybe you should get some actual groceries whilst you where did. It wouldn’t hurt to stock up the cupboards a little, you might as well consider you were here.

Little did you know your girlfriend was already one step ahead of you.

Natasha’s eyes widened a little as she strolled down the aisle, pushing along half a cart of groceries as she hummed. Y/N? What were you doing here? This was a pleasant surprise and she kept quiet as she snuck up to you.

“Hey bub.” Her warm voice murmured, and you felt familiar arms wrap around the front of your waist. Natasha’s head came to rest on your shoulder as she nosied at what you were looking at, “I thought we agreed that I’d be doing groceries this week.” She purred, kissing the side of your neck sweetly.

You shrugged through gritted teeth, your damp clothes crinkling uncomfortably, “I just needed something.”

“Hold on.” Her brow crinkled just a little, “I thought you had work?” She paused, her face shifting slightly as she realised just how soaked you were. This was not the kind of damp someone got just walking from the car to the entrance. You were drenched! “God, you’re soaked Y/N! Where on earth have you been? Did you walk here?!”

Your eyes cast to the floor. You’d forgotten that it was usually the day that the two of you had gone grocery shopping. Of course, it hadn’t even occurred to you that Nat might’ve been in the store.

“I may have got a little damp.” You sniffled thickly, trying to keep your tone neutral but the painful rasp in your voice instantly gave yourself away, “…and my car may or may not have broken down coming back from work.”

Natasha's concern deepened as she noticed your raspy voice. "Oh, sweetheart, you should have called me. I would've come to pick you up." Her voice softened, filled with genuine worry. Her grip tightened around you a little. “You're not just ‘damp’, you're practically drenched and- oh, what’s this?” Her eyes glanced down, noticing the theme of items in your own basket.

She had just about to ask you about them, but her question was answered when you ducked into your elbow with two forceful sounding sneezes barely seconds later.

“Double bless you!” Her tone shifted instantly to one of comfort, “Guess I don’t need to ask why your voice is so hoarse and you’re buying meds then, hm?” She cooed and you turned around with a pout, letting your head fall onto her shoulder as you wrapped your arms around her.

“You’re not feeling well.” It wasn’t a question, she just looked at you, looking deep into your weary eyes as she continued to hold you, “How long?”

You let out a small cough into her shoulder, “This morning. Got worse at work, got sent home which was beyond embarrassing.” Your croaking voice mumbled in defeat as Nat’s hand came to soothingly rub your back.

“I’m so tired and achy.” You continued, grumbling softly, finally feeling the weight of the day begin to let up as Nat continued to hold you in the moment, “My throat’s been so bad all day and I’ve had to constantly yell at people to do their jobs properly because apparently they’re all incompetent idiots that don’t know their elbows from their arse!”

Natasha couldn’t help but laugh a little at your choice of words but quickly shut up when you shot her a glare - of course the glare had been in no way intimidating with your sleepy eyes and runny nose, but she got the hint regardless.

“Sounds rough sunshine.” She murmured, sympathetically rubbing your back before the two of you began to walk towards another aisle, “Let me get those for you, oh and the car?” She asked, realising you hadn’t explained.

Nat took the basket from your hand and put it in her cart despite your objections, “It just decided to give up on me, right in the middle of driving home. I text Tony and he said he’d get it moved tomorrow but then my phone died before I could call an uber so I had to walk the way back.” You coughed harshly as you explained what had happened, rubbing your throat with a whine.

“That’s some awful luck sweetheart, I’m sorry. How about we get you a few things and just spend the rest of the day being warm and cosy?” Nat offered as a pulled a stuffed animal from the shelf, nuzzling it against your cheek before putting it into the cart.

Your face lightened up a little and you found yourself keeping a little closer to her as the pair of you continued through the store, “You wanna get some ice cream for that poor throat of yours sweet girl?” She asked, but of course she already what the answer would be.

As you nodded eagerly, Natasha smiled, glad to see a hint of brightness returning to your expression. She led you to the freezer section, picking out your favourite flavour without hesitation. "Here we go," she said, placing it gently in the cart beside you. "Oh, and we should get some tea as well, all we have is that herbal stuff Wanda likes but it’s kinda bitter, you’ll feel better with something sweeter. I think.”

She kept her hand softly holding your own you both headed over to find the tea - occasionally pausing as Nat picked up some of the general groceries you needed but it was hard to miss how she kept adding in small treats for you along the way, your favourite drink, snacks she even chose your favourite scent of laundry detergent.

Eventually your fever raging brain felt too fuzzy to keep paying attention, so you switched off, trusting her enough to let her lead you along without asking questions.

Her voice seemed to echo and your vision blur before a hand cupping your cheek brought you back to reality. “Hey, earth to Y/N.” Natasha repeated herself, “You dazed out for a second there sweetie. Did you hear what I said?”

“Uh, no, sorry.” You answered sheepishly, warm embarrassment creeping up into your cheeks.

But Nat only smiled at you, her warm gaze making you relax, “I asked what tea you’d like baby.”

You nodded and turned to look over the assortment of boxes. You weren’t much of a tea person, in fact you never really drank it at all unless you were sick and Nat was definitely more of a coffee girl, herself. As you looked over the selection, a sudden sneeze caught you off guard, you stumbled back a little and bumped into Nat which made your girlfriend shake her head fondly as you sniffled in surprise.

“Bless you again. Looks like we’ll need some more tissues," She deducted, kissing your cheek swiftly before jogging back to the previous aisle, quickly returning with a few extra boxes and added them to the cart.

"You poor thing," Nat said sympathetically, as she opened one of the boxes in the cart and handing you a tissue. "Here, blow your nose love.”

“Thanks.”

“Berry-Bliss?” She read the name of the tea you’d chosen, after you’d finished blowing nose. “Is that one the kind you want?”

You shrugged sluggishly, biting back a groan as your muscles ached, “I’ll give it a try.”

“Worth a try.” She agreed, taking the box from you, not missing the chance to kiss your forehead as she did so. “You’re really warm baby. How about we pay up and get you back home sweetheart? I know you’re exhausted.”

As she suggested heading home, you nodded gratefully, taking her hand and letting her lead you towards the check outs. It wouldn’t take long to pay and get home but when you did, you knew you were in for an evening of cuddling and love.

Who could ask for more?

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[callmeagardengnome]

✉︎ lesson plans ✉︎ | JEONG YUNHO

pairings ᝰ professor!yunho x teaching assistant! fem! reader

genre ᝰ college/teacher au, romance, SLOWW BURNNN

synopsis ᝰ yunho has been a professor for a decade, known to be strict towards his students. but when you got assigned to him, his professional world is turned upside down, making him break the rules that he set for himself.. maybe he’s getting more attached to you than he thought.

w.c ᝰ 8.7k

c.w ᝰ reader is in her early 20s and yunho is in his 30s, no smut but theres a pretty graphic kissing scene at the end so read at your own discretion

author’s note: idk why but yunho gives me history teacher vibez so don’t question my choices 😭 also make sure to repost!!

not proofread!

other fics

yunho settled into his usual spot at the desk in his lecture hall, dropping the stack of papers and files to the side. he was early, as always, and he was savouring the peaceful silence before his first class began.

yunho enjoyed his mornings alone. they were quiet, calm, and with the gentle sounds of rain hitting the window, it just tied everything together.

so imagine the shock on his face when he saw you enter.

at first, he thought you were just a random student that was ridiculously early for an 8 a.m. class. but then, he realised that you were way too happy to be a college student.

yunho’s eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at you: two cups of coffee in hand, one iced, one hot, and you also had a lanyard hanging around your neck.

you weren’t a student, you were a staff - and you were heading towards him instead of the rows of empty seats across the room.

“good morning!” you chirped, your voice more joyful than anything he’s ever heard in his years working at the college. “professor jeong, right? i’m your new teaching assistant.”

yunho blinked, your words catching him off guard. “teaching assistant?” he repeated in disbelief.

“mhm,” you replied, still smiling widely. “i’m ‘____’, the dean assigned me to you. i’m here to help you with whatever you need.”

yunho stared at you in confusion. hongjoong didn’t mention anything about this to him - and yunho knew that hongjoong didn’t easily forget things, especially when it involved a seasoned teacher like himself.

“i brought you coffee,” you said, holding out the cups in your hand. “the dean told me what you liked, but i wasn’t sure if you wanted it iced or hot.”

yunho stared at the cups, hesitating. “you don’t need to do that,” he sighed, accepting the hot coffee anyway.

“i know,” you shrugged, taking a sip from the iced drink. “but i want to make a good impression.”

yunho chugged the coffee, ignoring the way it burned his tongue. this was definitely going to change things. he wasn’t used to working with others - and certainly not with someone so… cheery.

this was not how he imagined the semester starting.

he tossed the cup into the bin under his table before picking up his papers. “let’s see how this works out. the students will arrive soon.”

you nodded eagerly, stepping back to give him space but staying close enough to observe him.

you graduated college early, earning your degree in education. you wanted to become a teacher, but before you could lead a classroom of your own, you needed experience - which is how you ended up here, assigned to the famously strict professor jeong.

the students began to walk in, their whispers filling the hall as they glanced in your direction. you offered a polite smile to those you made eye contact with, trying to calm both their nerves and yours. you had heard stories about yunho’s ‘no-nonsense’ approach to teaching, and now, you were about to witness it first hand.

once the room was nearly full, he cleared his throat, grabbing the attention of the students.

“morning,” yunho began, his deep voice echoing through the hall. “before we start today’s lecture, meet miss ‘____’, our new teaching assistant.”

you stepped forward, giving a small wave. “hi everyone,” you greeted, trying to sound confident. “i’m here to assist professor jeong. if any of you have questions or need help, feel free to come to me-“

“-during office hours,” yunho emphasised, interrupting you. “treat her with the same respect you would show me.”

his words made a few students sit up straighter. you couldn’t help but feel impressed with how he managed the class. it was clear that many students respected him, and yunho knew that.

but as the lecture progressed, something.. unusual happened. normally, he would be the only one speaking in the hall. however, an unfamiliar voice spoke up, stopping yunho’s lecture.

“excuse me,” a student hesitantly raised their hand, catching the attention of both you and yunho.

he paused - this has never happened before.

“uh- miss ‘____’, could you clarify what professor jeong meant by that last point…?”

without thinking, you smiled and responded, “he’s referring to the impact that the treaty of versailles had. it actually led to-“

“-that’s enough,” yunho’s voice cutting your explanation short like a knife.

rule number one: only allow questions during office hours.

yunho had rules that he set for himself, one that he followed to a tee. he didn’t like it when people disrespected or judged his rules, he saw that behaviour as was ‘uncivilised’ and ‘caveman-like’. and yet, the student completely ignored this, addressing the question to you instead of their own professor.

you felt your heart beating rapidly as he glared at you, his eyes darkening with irritation. “class,” he continued, turning to his students with a face filled with frustration. “i’m the one teaching. if you have questions, direct them to me during office hours instead of disrupting the lecture.”

the room fell silent in a way you didn’t think was possible. yunho’s stern gaze swept across the room, ensuring that his point was made. when no one dared to challenge him, he returned back to his lecture as if nothing happened.

you tried to fade into the background, mentally kicking yourself for overstepping. you decided to keep your head down for the rest of the lecture, trying to focus on what he was teaching. the last thing you wanted was for yunho to be even more angry at you. so you waited patiently, glancing at the clock every few minutes to see when class would end.

when it finally did, the students quickly gathered their things and dashed out of the room as yunho stayed behind at his desk, organising his notes.

“miss ‘____’,” yunho spoke up. “a word.”

you took in a deep breath before walking over to his desk, your words falling out of your mouth. “professor jeong, i’m so sorry about earlier-”

“-you’re here to assist me, not take over my lecture,” yunho responded, keeping his eyes on the papers. “there’s a reason why i ask students to save questions for office hours. it keeps the class on track and ensures that everyone receives the same information.”

“i understand,” you said quickly. “it won’t happen again.”

yunho sighed, picking up his bag. he didn’t say anything else. he simply walked out of the hall, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

“hongjoong better have a good explanation for this,” he muttered under his breath.

✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴ ✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴

“what do you mean, ‘i need help’?” yunho scoffed, arms crossed as he sat in the dean’s office.

hongjoong leaned back in his chair. “yunho, your classes may have the highest grades, but they also have the highest dropout rate.”

“so? i have standards,” yunho shot back, feeling defensive. “my classes are not for the weak.”

“it’s the first day and four students already requested to drop your class,” hongjoong replied, sighing as he fidgeted with a pen. “you’re a brilliant man, yunho. but sometimes encouragement works better than a plain lecture. maybe your TA can help with that.”

rule number two: always be self-sufficient. never accept help from anyone, for anything.

“i work alone,” yunho retorted, his pride irked by the suggestion. “i have a system that works fine- you said it yourself, my students get good grades.”

hongjoong leaned forward, looming over yunho slightly as his voice became more serious. “this isn’t about you. this is about the students and teaching them. you’re not supposed to drain their love for the course because of your ego.”

hongjoong sighed, sitting back down on his chair. “‘____’ has a degree. she likes teaching and loves history as much as you do. all she needs is experience- which i hope she can get as long as you give her a chance.”

yunho remained silent, his jaw clenched as he processed hongjoong’s words. he wasn’t used to being criticised, especially on his teaching methods. though, deep down, he knew that there was some truths to what hongjoong was saying.

but admitting that was another thing.

“look,” hongjoong continued. “see what she brings to the table. if it doesn’t work out, we’ll assign her to someone else.”

yunho let out a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing slightly. as much as he didn’t want someone invading his space, he knew better than to argue with his boss. “fine,” he said through his teeth.

✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴ ✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴

the next day, you arrived at the lecture hall early. yunho was there, as you expected, and he was seated at his desk with his usual stack of papers.

“good morning, professor jeong,” you greeted him with a smile, placing a cup of hot coffee on his desk.

you noticed that his posture stiffened slightly before relaxing once he saw that you weren’t a student. “morning,” he said, clearing his throat as he drank the cup of coffee you got for him.

you took a seat near him, watching as he continued to shuffle through his papers, completely focused on his work. the sounds of paper crinkling and pen scribbling filled the room as you tried to gather your thoughts.

you knew that yunho was a phenomenal teacher, but when you talked to his students, they didn’t have the same opinion. initially, it shocked you - but after you sat in on his classes, you could see why.

sure, his lectures were informative, but they were also robotic. his classes felt more like a chore than something to look forward to.

both you and hongjoong wanted to change that, to make students more excited to attend his lectures. so, you decided to go for it, bracing yourself for any reaction he might have.

“professor jeong,” you spoke up, making him pause, his pen hovering over the paper.

“i’ve been thinking about ways to make the lectures more.. engaging for students,” you said slowly, trying to read his thoughts.

he scoffed, returning back to what he was doing before. “my lectures are fine.”

“they are,” you shifted closer to him. “but many students aren’t.. motivated to go for them. if we introduced group discussions or case studies.. they might be more interested in the class.”

yunho’s looked at you, his gaze sharp as the room growing quieter as you waited for his response. finally, he set his pen down and crossed his arms. “you think it’s helpful?”

you took a deep breath as you nodded. “it would make students more involved.”

yunho’s glare remained on you, and you could see the cogs turning in his head. he was skeptical, but at least he was listening to your words.

“we can start small,” you added on quickly, sensing his hesitation.

he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. he turned back to his desk, gathering the notes and stationary scattered across the table. “one lecture,” he agreed reluctantly. “but if it doesn’t go well, we drop it immediately. understood?”

in the next class, you could see students warming up to the discussions - with some that were usually asleep becoming more awake to contribute to the conversation. to your relief, they were more engaged, asking questions and even debating amongst themselves.

yunho, however, reacted rather.. weirdly. his eyes darted around the room and his foot began to tap against the floor repeatedly during discussion time. you could tell that he was uncomfortable with the change, even if the students were enjoyed it.

after the lecture ended, the students were still excitedly chatting about the lecture, sharing notes as they walked out. you stayed behind, packing your things when yunho finally spoke.

“the students were more.. lively today,” he said stiffly.

you nodded, trying to gauge his reaction. “yeah, i think the discussion helped them understand the material..”

yunho’s eyes narrowed slightly. “let’s see how long it lasts,” he muttered, clearly not pleased by the outcome.

days passed, and you made it a point to arrive early each morning with a hot cup of coffee for yunho. it became a small routine between the two of you - something that you hoped made him less upset than he already was.

the students were noticeably more attentive during the lectures, and you could see some students taking down notes with more focus.

but after a week, yunho’s reaction was far from what you expected. instead of feeling pleased with the student’s progress, he was irritated by it. he dismissed the class with a sharp tone as he slumped onto his seat, sighing deeply.

you approached him carefully. “professor jeong, are you okay? the students were very attentive..”

yunho didn’t look up, and you could see his jaw clenching tightly. “they were,” he said, voice low. “more than they’ve ever been before.”

you frowned, confused by his strange reaction. “isn’t that a good thing-“

“-it is,” yunho’s eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that made you step back. “but it shouldn’t have taken a change in my methods to get them there.”

for years, yunho’s approach had produced many excellent students. but after a while, his approach was seen as more ‘dictator-ish’ and it made students stray away from his classes as a whole.

your methods made yunho frustrated - it was basically an insult to his entire career. the fact that his teaching methods weren’t enough anymore left a weird feeling in his stomach.

“you’re a good professor,” you said, taking a seat next to him. “and your teaching style has worked for many students..”

you took a deep breath, trying to think of how to continue your sentence. “but education is evolving, and so are the ways students learn.”

he sighed, “i’m not changing.”

“you don’t have to, but your students are,” you said. “they need something different, not because your teaching is bad- but because they’re different.”

yunho’s fingers drummed on the desk in an unorganised beat. when he finally spoke, his voice was quieter, “we’ll continue with your methods.”

“…really?” you exclaimed, unable to hide the excitement and surprise you felt hearing his words.

“i’ll be open to considering some of your other ideas,” he said, packing up the notes on his desk. “but this is their final year. anything drastic is out of the picture.”

you stood up, jumping with joy. “of course, i understand. we can make small adjustments, nothing crazy.”

yunho pushed his chair back, keeping a firm grip on the files in his hands. “if things go wrong, our students grades are at risk.”

you shook your head, smiling uncontrollably, “don’t worry, i wouldn’t dream of that happening.”

✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴ ✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴

“so? who’s the hottie in your class?” wooyoung asked as he popped another chip into his mouth with a wide grin.

yunho looked at his fellow professor in disgust, trying to forget that he even asked the question.

at that point, you had been working with yunho for about a month, making tiny improvements to each lecture. because of how new you were, you didn’t know any other staff member, making your interactions limited to yunho and hongjoong.

so now, yunho found himself trapped in an awkward conversation with his other professors during his lunch break, and it was about you of all people.

“yeah.. i was wondering that too,” mingi said, his voice muffled by the mouthful of food he was chewing. “how’d you get a pretty girl to get you coffee every morning?”

“she’s my TA,” yunho sighed heavily, poking his lunch with a fork. “hongjoong assigned her to me because of my dropout rate.”

“i would say ‘that’s tough’, but i’m actually jealous,” wooyoung chuckled before he took a large chug from his soda. “he’s basically giving you a girlfriend.”

“knock it off, she’s young enough to be a student,” yunho warned, pointing the fork at his two friends.

mingi swallowed a large bite in his mouth, leaning back with a satisfied sigh. “so she’s in her twenties, right? that’s not far from us.”

“exactly, we’re not ancient like you, yunho.” wooyoung added.

yunho rolled his eyes, brushing off the ‘you’re old’ comment from wooyoung. “she’s here to do a job, not date.”

mingi raised an eyebrow. “i thought you were looking for someone?”

“someone that doesn’t work in my workplace,” yunho snapped before finally taking a bite out of his food.

“aren’t you at the very least interested?” wooyoung pressed with a hint of teasing in his voice. yunho shot him an immediate glare, the grip on his fork tightening ever so slightly.

“come on,” wooyoung continued, unbothered by yunho’s reaction. “she’s smart, she’s pretty and she’s friendly. i always see your students always hanging around her.”

yunho paused. “what do you mean, ‘hanging around her’?”

“oh yeahh i saw that,” mingi added with a nod. “they were all approaching her with notes and stuff.. they seem to like her- especially the guy students.”

“they’re just asking questions, even though it isn’t office hours yet,” yunho grumbled out the last part of his sentence.

“maybe,” wooyoung shrugged with a smirk. “but i’ve seen the way they look at her. can’t blame them though- hell, i might shoot my shot.”

yunho set his fork back down on the table, no longer interested in his food. how were you already more likeable than him?

in your one month working here, you already caught the attention of his friends and students alike. the thought of his own students paying more attention to you than his lectures worried him, greatly.

he spent years, many years, building a reputation of a strict but effective professor. and now, it felt like all the control he had was slipping away, one lecture at a time.

“dude- don’t you have a girlfriend?” mingi turned to wooyoung in concern.

“we’re on our tenth break up right now,” wooyoung snorted. “it’s barely a relationship.”

wooyoung reached for another chip. “but this isn’t about me,” he continued as he chewed. “it’s about the fossil over there who needs to get laid.”

yunho shot wooyoung a sharp look. “don’t joke about things like that,” he said. “she’s my TA.. that my students like more for some reason.”

mingi and wooyoung exchanged glances, realising that they may have hit a nerve. “sorry about that, we’re just messing with you..” wooyoung cleared his throat.

“but seriously yunho, you might be overthinking this,” mingi said as he shifted in his chair. “she’s new, and people are curious. it’s natural that they’re more interested in her.”

“interested?” yunho repeated, sounding more frustrated. “i’ve been teaching these kids for months, and suddenly they’re more interested in what she has to say?”

“it makes sense,” wooyoung shrugged as he dug through the potato chip bag for crumbs. “don’t get me wrong, you’re a great professor- but maybe they want something new.”

yunho sighed, twirling the plastic fork in his hand. “i’ve spent years perfecting my lectures, they don’t need anything else.”

“you know how students are- they’re always looking for the next shiny thing. but i’m sure they still respect you,” mingi said, wiping his hands on his pants.

wooyoung nodded, crumpling the empty chip bag. “she’s bringing more attention to your classes- for free. you’re getting more benefits than she is.”

yunho stayed silent. the idea of his students being more intrigued by someone younger and less experienced ate him alive. it wasn’t just about the lectures anymore, it was about his pride.

mingi leaned forward, his face more serious than before. “you’re still the one in charge, yunho. she’s just helping out. and so far, you’re students are doing better right?”

yunho sighed, picking up his fork again. “they are,” he nodded reluctantly. “but i feel like it’s because of her instead of anything i’ve ever done.”

“maybe it’s both,” wooyoung reassured him with a pat on the back. “she’s good at what she does and so are you.“

mingi stood up, picking up the trash that was left on the table. “you guys work well together. just accept it.”

✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴ ✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴

another month went by and the lectures yunho held felt more lively than usual. he simply watched the discussions from the sidelines, not participating in them, feeling uncomfortable yet satisfied with the change.

he wouldn’t consider you as a ‘friend’, but he had to admit that your presence was welcoming - especially with all the coffees that you bought for him.

yunho’s last lecture wrapped up later than usual. he was supposed to carpool with mingi and wooyoung, but they left after their classes ended hours ago, assuming that he had other ways to get home. so now, he stood outside the eerily quiet college building, trying to find an uber.

when he looked around, he saw you, walking briskly towards the motorcycle rack nearby. your helmet dangled freely from your hand and your face was still energised despite it being a long day.

you noticed him standing alone, and you made your way over to him, your face lighting up with a smile. “waiting for someone?” you asked as you fastened your helmet.

yunho pocketed his phone, sighing. “was supposed to carpool with my friends but they left. i’m calling for an uber.”

you nodded slowly, looking around at the building. you tilted your head towards your motorcycle. “i can give you a ride, you know?”

yunho blinked. he eyed the bike that was parked a few metres away from you.

rule number three: never get involved with anyone at your workplace.

“that’s.. not necessary.”

you shrugged. “i’ve got an extra helmet. it’s not a problem, really.”

yunho hesitated - he wasn’t sure he felt about going with you, let alone riding a motorcycle. he’s never done it before, but then again, when would he ever?

“alright,” yunho eventually gave in, nodding. “but only because i don’t feel like waiting for an uber.”

you grinned, walking him to your bike. “you’re going to love it.”

yunho clung awkwardly to the back of the motorcycle, his hands gripping the edge of the seats as you rode through the streets. the cool breeze rushed against his face, a feeling that he’s never experienced before.

he didn’t know how to feel about being this close to you, but there was something about the moment that felt oddly.. right.

while yunho was locked on maintaining a professional distance with you, he also had to acknowledge how patient you were with him.

from week one, you didn’t falter when he scolded you or when he seemed dismissive of his ideas. most people would have been upset, or even offended by his attitude - but you only took his critiques with a smile, eager to learn and eager to help.

he wasn’t used to that.

it didn’t make sense how someone like you could exist. how can you, knowing his personality, make an effort to get him coffee day after day, and willingly sit in on his classes lecture after lecture? he never asked for any of this, but he certainly wouldn’t ask you to stop.

you slowed as you reached a stoplight, glancing over your shoulder briefly. “doing alright back there, professor?”

yunho coughed, startled as your voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “yeah, i’m fine,” he replied, his voice rougher than usual.

“mind if we stop by a gas station? i need to fill up my bike,” you asked.

“go ahead.”

after a few minutes, you pulled into a gas station, parking the bike by the pump.

you hopped off first, smoothly removing your helmet as you shook your hair. yunho remained seated, not fully trusting himself to get off the bike yet.

as you began to fill up the tank, yunho’s mind was running in circles. you had every right to be angry at him, to ignore him, to complain about his behaviour and yet - you still decided to treat him with kindness. why?

“i’m going to grab a drink,” you said as you pointed towards the convenience store. “you want anything?”

yunho shook his head, not wanting to burden you. you finally finished topping up the gas and made your way over to the store, allowing yunho to let out a small sigh. this was all so new to him. not just the motorcycle, but the way you handled everything with grace, including him.

a few minutes later, you returned, holding a small bag of potato chips and a drink. “sorry for the wait,” you said, smiling as you handed him the chips. “here, i got you these- they’re my favourite.”

yunho blinked at the gesture, looking down at the bag of chips you handed him. to his surprise, they were one of his favourites too. he hadn’t had them in a long time and he was way too busy to get them, but seeing them now felt somewhat nostalgic.

“you didn’t have too..” he said softly.

“i wanted to,” you replied with a grin. “i figured you’d be hungry after a long day.”

yunho opened the bag, reaching in and chewed on the chips slowly, savouring the familiar taste. it was something he never realised he missed, and there you were, sipping on your drink, oblivious to the impact your actions had on him.

“thanks,” yunho said as he glanced down at the snack.

“no problem,” you said, wiping your hands on your pants before hopping back onto your bike. “ready to go?”

yunho nodded, and this time, he held on a little less awkwardly. instead of keeping his eyes on the street, he found himself staring at you, unable to look away.

little did he know, that wouldn’t be the last time.

when you pulled up in front of his building, yunho reluctantly let go of the seat, feeling somewhat strange. you pulled back your visor and smiled at him.

“thanks for the ride,” yunho said as he stood next to the bike. “and the snack.”

“no problem at all,” you said with a wink. “see you on monday, professor jeong!” and with that, you sped off into the night, leaving yunho alone, watching you disappear down the street.

as yunho entered his apartment, he couldn’t help but think that things were about to change a lot more than he realised.

and he didn’t mind it as much as he thought.

✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴ ✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴

monday morning arrived sooner than he expected. the lecture hall was filling up with students, their voices and footsteps bouncing of the walls. but something was off.

you’ve never been late.

yunho tapped his pen against the stack of papers in front of him, trying to focus on the lesson plan, but his mind kept wandering back to your lack of presence. where were you?

he didn’t know why it bothered him so much. after all, you were an adult - independent and responsible. you didn’t need to be early every single day, but still, it left a weird feeling in his stomach.

when the lecture hall was nearly full, the door creaked open. yunho looked up, relief washing over him once he saw that you were okay - but then he realised who you were with.

you walked in, laughing, with wooyoung to your side, who was just as amused by whatever you two were talking about. the sight of wooyoung standing so close to you with that cocky grin on his face made yunho’s chest tighten.

you hurried over to yunho’s desk, handing him his usual coffee. “sorry i’m late, professor,” you said, still laughing from your conversation with wooyoung. “i just met professor jung at the coffee shop, we ended up talking longer than we thought.”

wooyoung leaned casually against the wall, raising an eyebrow. “hey, yunho. we were having such a great time that i decided to walk her here.”

yunho forced a smile, accepting the coffee from you. “i see,” he replied, turning to you. “thank you for the coffee.”

you shook your head. “you should be thanking him,” you said as you pointed at wooyoung. “he paid for both of our drinks.”

“that’s..” yunho’s eyes shifted to the other professor, who seemed to be enjoying the interaction a little too much. “that’s very generous, wooyoung.”

wooyoung shrugged. “what can i say, i’m a nice guy,” he winked at you, making yunho fight the urge to roll his eyes.

yunho placed his coffee cup on his desk, shifting his items so that you could organise yours. “you know,” he began, trying to sound casual. “if you like getting coffee in the morning, we can go together. that way, you wouldn’t have to go alone.”

wooyoung’s eyes widened, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. he said nothing, but yunho knew that he was holding in a teasing remark.

you, however, looked pleasantly surprised. “oh- that’s really sweet,” you said with a smile on your face. “i’d like that, i didn’t realise how fun it was to talk to someone in the morning.”

yunho nodded. “yes, and it’d also be more convenient for the both of us.”

“convenient?” wooyoung raised an eyebrow, trying to hold in a laugh. “you’re just full of surprises, professor jeong.”

yunho glared at him, but before he could say anything, he noticed that most of his students were settling down, signalling the start of class.

“i guess i should go,” wooyoung said before leaning closer to yunho, whispering into his ear. “have fun on your coffee date.”

✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴ ✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴

mornings now started with you and yunho meeting at the campus cafe before heading to class together. at first, it felt odd - after all, he was technically your boss. but as the days passed, you found yourself looking forward to the moments you shared while waiting for your coffee.

you smiled to yourself as you stood next to yunho, the scent of coffee wafting in the air. you genuinely liked his company - he was always listening to you, focused on what you had to say, no matter how small it was.

“so, have you finished grading last week’s paper?” you asked, glancing at him as you waited for your order.

yunho shook his head. “almost. some of the essays were good, but a few of them were..” he trailed off, letting out a sigh. “not up to standard.”

you laughed softly. “maybe i can help you get through the rest. i’ve been getting better at grading, right?”

he turned to you, a small smile tugging at his lips. “you’ve been doing well,” he said. “but you’re a little generous with marks.”

the barista called out your order, and you instinctively reached for your bag, ready to pay - but yunho beat you to it, handing over his card before you could say anything.

“hey,” you raised an eyebrow. “i was supposed to pay this time.”

“not today,” he replied, tapping his card on the card reader, waiting for it to process.

you crossed your arms as you leaned against the counter. “you don’t have to keep paying every morning.”

“it’s only fair, you used to pay for most of my drinks,” yunho glanced at you, holding out your coffee cup. “and you’re assigned to me. just consider it a part of my duties.”

“mhm, sure,” you muttered as you took a sip from your drink. “but i’m paying next time.”

much to yunho’s embarrassment, wooyoung or mingi would ‘accidentally’ bump into the two of you during some of your coffee runs. they would usually just tag along for the free coffee, but not without making fun of you and yunho’s ‘coffee dates’.

the both of you brushed off their comments, though, you could see yunho’s subtle discomfort whenever they dropped the word ‘date’ - and it didn’t help that wooyoung always had a grin on his face whenever he showed up at the cafe.

one morning, you and yunho were on your usual coffee run when wooyoung strolled in, a big smile on his face.

“it’s my favourite power couple,” he teased as he slid next to you at the counter. “don’t mind if i join.”

yunho sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “you need to stop taking the coffees that i pay for.”

“but i want to hang out with you guys,” wooyoung grinned, ignoring what yunho said. wooyoung then leaned into the professor, whispering loud enough for yunho to hear.

“and i also can’t help but notice that you’ve been glowing nowadays. is it the coffee or the company?”

rule number four: never go for someone out of your league.

there was a significant gap between the two of you. not just in age, but in life experience.

you were in your twenties, full of energy and still figuring things out. meanwhile, yunho was well into his thirties, in a career he’d basically dedicated his life to.

you had so much life ahead of you, and yunho couldn’t be the one to hold you back.

he was constantly thinking about this, even though you didn’t seem to care. you never once treated him differently because of his age - you talked to him normally, laughing at his lame, dry jokes and sometimes, you leaned in a little closer than one would when you asked him questions about a paper.

while he knew he shouldn’t let it get to him, every glance and moment between the two of you only reminded him of how easy you were to be around.

was it even professional anymore? yunho was starting to painfully realise of how much he enjoyed your company, in and outside of classes. gosh.. how lonely is he?

“you’ve got really good handwriting,” you spoke, breaking him out of his thoughts. “it’s neat and precise, i bet your students are glad when they see your comments.”

yunho blinked, remembering where he was. you and yunho were in his office, grading mock papers like you had been for the past few weeks. yunho sat at his desk as you occupied the chair in front of him, glancing over the essays.

“really?” yunho cleared his throat. “most students think i’m too harsh.”

you grinned, leaning forward slightly as you picked up another stack of papers. “that’s because they don’t know how much worse it could be,” you said, your eyes briefly meeting his. “you’re more lenient than they think.”

“can’t have them dropping out, can i?” yunho replied with a sigh. “but you seem to be getting the hang of it.”

you shrugged, picking up your pen as you scanned the paper. “i try, but working with you made me realise how much more i need to work on. you’re really good at this.”

yunho’s grip on his pen loosened as he took in your words. he’s heard countless of praises from his friends, coworkers and even his boss - but hearing it from you felt…different.

“thanks..” he muttered, pretending to focus on the next paper.

to be completely honest, yunho was starting to get distracted by you, noticing the random things you did - how you sat, how you tucked your hair behind your ear whenever you read an essay that was poorly done, and how your fingers tapped the edge of the table after you finished marking a paper.

and how could he forget the most important thing - your smile. yunho hated how he liked it, and how such a simple action made his day ten times better.

you soon realised that he was watching you, but you didn’t say anything, trying to stop yourself from smiling. you may not have known it yet, but you were slowly finding the one and only professor jeong attractive - and not just physically.

for most of your life, you were always the one carrying the conversation, always the one asking questions just so that things wouldn’t be awkward. but with yunho? he actually made an effort.

every morning, he’d ask about your day, how the other professors have been treating you and what movies you’ve been watching recently. and when you talked, he listened - really listened.

“how’s your bike? didn’t you pop a tire recently?” yunho asked, flipping through an essay.

you blinked, caught off guard. “oh- you remembered that?”

yunho twirled the pen in his fingers, looking slightly confused. “of course, you were stressed about it.”

“i was,” you chuckled softly, shifting in your seat. “but i’m getting it fixed now. thanks for asking.”

yunho nodded, his attention returning to the paper in front of him. as the evening went on, the two of you continued to mark papers, the office filled with the sounds of writing and the occasional talk about a student’s essay. it wasn’t until you glanced out of the window that you realised how late it got.

“oh shoot- it’s already dark,” you muttered, gathering your things. “i should probably head out.”

“do you need a ride?” yunho asked as he looked at the clock. “your bike is in the shop, right? you shouldn’t be going home alone at this time.”

you hesitated for a moment. your bike had been stuck in the repair shop for longer than you’d like, and you had gotten used to going home by yourself. but the thought of taking the bus home alone this late made yunho’s offer pretty appealing.

“actually- that would be really helpful,” you said, giving him a grateful smile. “thanks.”

the ride home started like any other - with you settling into the plush seats and yunho giving you free reign of the music. he glanced over at you, looking at how you watched the streets pass by.

“how long has your bike been repairing?” yunho asked as he pulled up to a red light.

you sighed heavily, running your fingers through your hair. “for about a week. i don’t know what’s taking them so long.”

“you’ve been taking the bus for a week?” yunho looked at you with wide eyes. “you should have asked me for help..”

“i didn’t want to wait for your office hours,” you smirked, tilting your head. “plus, taking the bus isn’t bad, it’s just less convenient than having my own bike.”

“you know what i meant,” yunho gave you a look before flicking the turn signal. “next time, don’t be shy to ask for help. my door is always open for you.”

you ignored the butterflies in your stomach when you heard the words ‘for you’, choosing to focus on the music playing instead of being delusional.

“good to know..” you mumbled as you started to pick at the fabric of your pants.

as the car drove to the front of your building, you took a deep breath, glad to be home. yunho parked the car, passing you your bag from the back seat.

“good night, professor jeong,” you said with a warm smile as you stepped out of the car. “thanks for driving me back.”

“no problem,” he replied, though, his face looked like he wanted to say more. he paused, giving you a final wave before finally saying, “call me yunho.”

✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴ ✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴

“alright, is everyone here?” hongjoong asked as he looked around the room, clipboard in hand.

it had been almost a year since you’ve joined, and in that time, you’ve become somewhat of a staff favourite, with everyone wanting to include you in everything - from staff hangouts to work dinners.

and now, you’ve been involved in important staff meetings such as the one you were waiting for. yunho entered the room, sitting down next to you as he flipped through his notebook.

“there’s a big event coming up,” hongjoong began once he saw that everyone had settled down. “the annual college fundraiser. as always, your presence is encouraged. this is a great opportunity to bring students and faculty together while supporting a cause.”

there were a few groans from around the room, and you noticed yunho sighing quietly beside you. he leaned over, his voice low so only you could hear, “i don’t see the point of these events. they never change anything.”

you looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “you don’t want to go?”

yunho shook his head. “it’s the same thing every year. students show up and we awkwardly talk as if we don’t want to go home. the only thing it does is take up a saturday.”

“i don’t know..” you said, leaning back into the chair. “i think it sounds fun. it’s a nice break from the lectures we’ve been having.”

yunho gave you a glance, a small smile pulling on his lips. “of course you would say that. you’re always so optimistic.”

“and you’re always so negative,” you chuckled softly. “besides, it’s a good cause, i’m sure some students enjoy it. maybe this year is different.”

yunho scoffed. “i’ve been to plenty of these, they’re all the same.”

you looked around the room, seeing how the other professors and staff were talking about the fundraiser, some more excited than others. “well, i’m definitely going,” you said, crossing your arms.

yunho paused, his eyes meeting yours. he really wanted to skip this year’s fundraiser - he’s been attending way too many times, and with the chance of mingi and wooyoung not attending, he would have no one to talk to. but now that you were going, you were seriously making him reconsider his opinion on participating.

“if you’re really want to go,” yunho muttered, turning away. “i guess i’ll give it another shot.”

hongjoong continued to talk about the fundraiser details, but your attention was now focused on yunho, who had shifted closer to you.

maybe the event wouldn’t be so bad after all.

✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴ ✎ᝰ✐જ⁀➴

you rummaged through your closet, trying to find something that was ‘formal’ for the fundraiser, but nothing felt right.

sure, you wanted to look nice for the fundraiser, but you also wanted to feel confident, making you more picky than you usually were. you tossed aside a few dresses that weren’t cutting it, which eventually started to pile up in the corner of your room.

but then, a miracle happened. you pulled out a silk black gown, one that you completely forgot about. the dress was simple, but incredibly flattering - hugging your curves in all the right places. as you slipped into it, you looked at yourself in the mirror, admiring how it showed your figure, the neckline highlighting your collarbone.

this could work. you twirled, the fabric waving and shining under the light. it fit perfect.

you decided to pair it with subtle accessories, not wanting to overwhelm the dress. you put on makeup that brought out your eyes and a perfume that made you smell heavenly. once you were ready, you glanced at the clock, rushing out of the house when you realised that the fundraiser was starting soon.

by the time you arrived at the venue, the room was filled with soft classical music. students, professors and staff were spread across the room, everyone dressed in their best. the hall was beautifully decorated, with chandeliers hanging from the ceiling.

you stepped inside, your heels clicking softly against the marble floor as you looked around the room for a familiar face.

and then, you spotted yunho.

he was standing alone near a pillar, looking ridiculously handsome as he wore a black tuxedo that fit him like a glove. his hair was neatly styled, and his usual glasses that sat on his face tied the whole outfit together. for a moment, you couldn’t help but stare. he looked good, really good.

yunho put his phone away, glancing around. when his eyes finally landed on you, his breath got caught in his throat. the dress you wore was stunning, accentuating your figure in a way that made his heart skip a beat.

you looked drop-dead gorgeous, and yunho found himself at a loss of words. he always knew that you were beautiful, but seeing you in that dress made it impossible for him to focus on anything else.

when you approached him, yunho cleared his throat, feeling a little dazed. “you..” he coughed out, his eyes studying you, taking in every detail. “you look incredible.”

you chuckled, feeling your cheeks turning pink as you heard his compliment. “thank you,” you replied, feeling a flutter in your chest as your eyes traced the sharp lines of his tux. “you look handsome yourself.”

the fundraiser carried on. small groups of people talked and laughed by the elegant tables that were draped with white linen. student volunteers went between tables, offering food and drinks to guests.

as the night grew, you mingled with other professors and students, talking about event and other things that happened around campus - with yunho sticking to you the entire time.

of course, he wasn’t in the mood for small talk, so he remained silent for most of the night, but not without sneaking many glances at you.

eventually, the event came to an end. guests started to leave, the sounds of music playing turned into sounds of people gathering their things and heading out.

yunho exhaled deeply, checking his watch. “finally, it’s over,” he said, clearly ready to go home. “we should get moving.”

you shook your head, looking around at the volunteers that were beginning to clean up. “actually, i was thinking of staying to help clean up a bit. they could use an extra hand.”

yunho paused, then frowned slightly. “really..?”

“mhm, it’ll only take a while,” you replied. “you don’t have to stay though. i know you’re tired.”

yunho hesitated, his eyes softening as he looked at you. he let out a short sigh then shrugged. “no, i’ll stay.”

your eyes widened in surprise as you shook your head. “don’t push yourself.. you shouldn’t do something you don’t want to do. you can go home, i won’t be mad.”

“i want to help,” yunho reassured you, picking up a few plates. “and you said that it’ll only take a while. it wouldn’t hurt to help out.”

you blinked a couple of times before moving to help him. “thanks..” you said softly.

together, you helped the volunteers stack chairs and clear tables. it didn’t take long, and soon enough, the large hall was nearly empty, with a few guests and staff left behind.

as you carried the last of the chairs to the side of the room, you noticed a small, secluded garden area just beyond the glass doors of the hall. the moonlight shined gently on the flowers and vines that framed a cozy bench.

you nudged yunho, tilting your head towards the doors. “want to check it out before we leave?”

yunho looked through the doors, just as interested as you. “sure,” he nodded.

the two of you stepped outside, the cool evening air wrapping you as you strolled around the garden. you sat down on the bench, yunho joining you a second later, and the two of you took in the smell of flowers.

it was quiet out here - the gentle sounds of leaves rustling and distant cars driving made it feel like the world slowed down for the two of you.

for a while, neither of you spoke. yunho leaned back, resting his arm along the back of the bench.

“thanks for staying,” you said softly as you turned to look at him. “i know that these events aren’t your thing.”

“it’s wasn’t so bad,” yunho gave a small smile, his eyes never leaving yours. “it got better with you.”

a wide smile spread across your face, a feeling of warmth creeping up from your neck.

yunho’s hand, slowly moved closer to you, his fingers grazing the back of your shoulder. he hesitated for a moment, his eyes shifting to your lips as he debated the thoughts in his head.

“are you okay, professor?” you asked, tilting your head.

rule number five: if you ever encounter a dilemma, run away; never face it.

yunho nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. “…i’m alright.”

you turned your body to face him completely. “are you sure?”

yunho took a deep breath, unable to look away from you. “i don’t know if i should tell you,” he said quietly.

“…if it’s bothering you so much, i think you should tell me.”

“i..” yunho ran a hand through his hair. he started to fidget with the sleeves of his tux, trying his best to arrange his words.

“..i like you, a lot. for a while now, actually,” he paused, his gaze moving to the ground. “but i didn’t want to tell you because.. you deserve someone better- someone younger.”

your heart clenched as you heard his words. you placed your hand on his. “you don’t really think that, do you..?”

“why wouldn’t i?” yunho asked, his voice rougher than usual. “i’m a lot older than you, ‘____’. you shouldn’t settle for me- you deserve to live out your twenties and date whoever you want.”

you blinked, leaning closer to him. “but what if i want you?” you asked. “i don’t care about things like that.”

his eyes widened, clearly taken aback by your words. “are.. are you serious?” he stuttered in surprise, the scent of your perfume taking over his senses.

“of course,” you nodded firmly, leaning in a little closer. “i’m very serious,” you reached up and grabbed his tie, gently pulling him towards you. “i want you, and you shouldn’t think otherwise.”

yunho’s eyes stayed on your lips as you closed the distance, the space between the two of you disappearing until your lips met in a soft, tender kiss.

it was careful at first, with the both of you testing the waters. but when he felt your lips respond to his - something snapped.

yunho’s hand slid to the back of your neck with his other hand finding its way to your waist, pulling you closer to him. his grip on you tightened, his lips becoming rougher as if he had been holding himself back for far too long.

your fingers tangled in his tie, loosening it as the kiss becoming more and more desperate. the world around you began to disappear as you lost yourselves in each other.

“yunho-“ you whimpered as he cupped the side of your face.

yunho’s breath hitched as the sound of his name fell from your lips. his thumb brushed against your cheek, and you felt his body pressing closer, the kiss turning into something hungrier and urgent.

“tell me to stop,” he whispered against your lips, his voice filled with desire but you could hear something else - concern for your comfort.

but stopping was the last thing you wanted.

you shook your head, your hand sliding up his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath your palm. “i don’t want you to,” you muttered back.

and that was all yunho needed.

in a swift motion, his lips crashed into yours. his hands roamed your body, one slipping down your back as the other remained on your jaw, guiding your head as his lips devoured yours.

your fingers gripped onto his tie tighter as his lips left yours, leaving small kisses down your neck, his warm breath against your skin.

the world around you continued to fade, nothing existing except for the two of you. your heart pounded in your chest, your head dizzy with how quickly things escalated.

you gasped softly, his name leaving your lips again in a whisper as he pressed kisses near your ear, sending chills down your spine.

slowly, he pulled away, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “sorry, i got a little carried away,” yunho admitted quietly, afraid to break the silence that was surrounding you.

you smiled softly, your heart racing. “don’t apologise,” you chucked as you fixed his collar. “i liked it.”

yunho leaned forward, brushing your hair away from your face as he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. his touch was warm and safe, something that you really needed after all of that.

yunho sat back down, his hand resting against yours. you looked up at him, smirking. “so does this mean you’re stuck with me now?”

yunho chuckled, squeezing your hand gently. “i think you’re stuck with me,” he said before pausing for a moment, his eyes turning more genuine. “but seriously.. i need you to be sure. about me- about this.”

without hesitation, you nodded. “i’m sure, yunho. i don’t want anything else.”

he sighed softly, relief written on his face. “alright,” he smiled, getting up as he reached his hand out. “now let’s get you home before i break any more of my own rules.”

any and all feedback appreciated <3

yunho was picked for this theme!

[abstractnaturaldisaster]

is it over now? (was it over then?)

part seven

part eight: i think about jumping off of very tall somethings

Eddie was fully convinced he had lost whatever remaining dignity he might have had when his friends had found him sunken into his beanbag chair with random detritus strewn around the room. He really thought he could not feel any lower than when Ronnie made it more obvious than necessary that she was picking her way through Eddie's junk to stick a hand into his nest and pull him out by his collar. He thought that was rock bottom, but being early for coffee with Robin and Nancy and having to wait with a cooling americano he spent way too much money on really gave that whole experience a run for its money.

Ronnie had suggested dming Robin and Nancy and testing the waters to see if they would be willing to broker some sort of reunion with Steve. Eddie stared at her like she had suggested he deliver the one ring to mordor alone; however, she obviously had a point since the newly announced couple suggested meeting up.

"Hey! Eddie! Sorry we're late!" Robin caught Eddie's attention as Nancy went to order.

"Oh, uh, no worries," Eddie fumbled, "I'm just happy you're here at all honest."

"I mean, Nance said it's only fair to hear you out but you were fucking brutal to my best friend, dude, so like the window to give you some grace is pretty fucking small," Robin answered.

"No, yeah totally understood. How do you want to do this?" Eddie asked.

"Why don't you just explain what happened from your side of things. From our angle, you look like kind of a douche but also I feel like maybe Steve didn't handle things great either? I dunno. I mean, you made him really happy, if we have a chance to fix that, I think I owe it to Steve, right?" Robin answered.

"Sure, yeah, no that makes sense," Eddie started as Nancy sat down with her and Robin's drinks.

"Keep going, Eddie, this is mostly Robin's thing anyway," Nancy prompted. She did not look quite as open to fixing things as Robin did and Eddie felt a little more nervous after he let himself relax in Robin's easy presence.

"For sure, so like obviously you know all of the like tabloid bullshit about Steve and whatever and like I kind of got it and understood but then without any warning I show up and Steve's like gorgeous and super successful ex was just on his couch and Steve isn't willing to explain? I mean that was pretty fucking hard to swallow," Eddie finished a little less certain of where he stood with Robin as she narrowed her eyes over her tea.

"So instead of trusting Steve and listening to him when he told you how much the tabloids have lied about him throughout his career you let the fact that I was present in his home be enough to trump years of what you all had built?" Nancy questioned. Eddie could see her journalism chops coming out.

"That's fair. I mean, I definitely acted without a lot of thought but like, why wouldn't you have looped me in? Did you guys not trust me?" Eddie asked still trying to figure out why he was left flat footed all those weeks ago.

"I think that might be on me," Robin piped up, "I was pretty nervous about coming out and I think Steve was being super protective and didn't want to ask me to come out to more people than I was wanting to. It's not that he didn't trust you, Eddie, it's that we had some pretty shitty years with different agents trying to push me in different directions and I think he just was sick of feeling like outside forces were making me move quicker than I was ready to. And it's not like you made it easy on him to reach out to you after. How was he supposed to respond when you blocked him on literally every platform?"

"I guess I didn't think he would want to explain or he'd try to like explain everything away even though it had seemed obvious at the time he was cheating on me," Eddie paused when both Robin and Nancy threw death glares across the table, "Jeez, I know now that was stupid but at the time it was the only rational I could see."

"I guess we should stop interrogating you, you do seem pretty serious, otherwise I don't think you would have agreed to meet both of us," Nancy jumped in.

"I really regret cutting him off like I did. I know I got way too in my head about everything immediately and just didn't give it time or let him respond," Eddie tried to sound as apologetic as he felt.

"We believe you, you two are both dinguses," Robin cut in, "more importantly, what are we going to do about that fucking song and how the hell do you propose apologizing for all the shit you stirred?"

"I thought we were done with the interrogation," Eddie held his hands up.

"Only about whether or not you're genuine, you still have to figure out how you are putting my bestie back together," Robin answered.

"So about that. I have a couple ideas. One, I feel like a song got us into this mess and my label wants more music anyways so I am kind of thinking of an apology song. The rest of my band has actually started workshopping some stuff with me to try to put it together as soon as we can. I'm kind of hoping to release it before Steve gets back so we are a bit under the clock," Eddie began, "And second, that's where I was kind of hoping you guys could help. I don't want to like ambush the guy but I also don't know if Steve will be interested in meeting with me or like ready to start dating again. I was kind of hoping I could crash one of your movie nights? Maybe once Steve gets settled a bit more?"

"Steve is not the best with surprises," Robin thought aloud, "but that's not a no, it's a convince me."

"I just figure he'll be in his space and relaxed and he also fully has an out to have you kick me out if he isn't interested. If he is, I was kind of hoping you too would be willing to make yourselves scarce?" Eddie hoped that was enough.

Surprisingly, Nancy was the one to answer.

"I think we have a deal, Munson," Nancy stuck her hand out for Eddie to shake.

Eddie left the cafe feeling more hopeful than he had in some time.

part nine

@lololol-1234 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @zombiethingy @grtwdsmwhr @dreamercec @anne-bennett-cosplayer @strawberryyyenthusiast

@mensch-anthropos-human @kal-ology @ttyrussss @kristmkris @starman-jpg @wonderland-girl143-blog @child-of-cthulhu @legalmenace87 @adealwithher @practicallybegging @lunaraquaenby @stripey82

@lexyvey @goodolefashionedloverboi @mothmamhasyourlocation @mugloversonly @sherrylyn0628 @steddieinthesun @wonderland-girl143-blog @counting-dollars-counting-stars @bookworm0690

(if you wanna be tagged in future parts feel free to comment! happy to add people)

[archandshri]

28th June ‘24 - [arch] One Page Limitation??? - My process for Traffic Zine #5

Hello All!

A couple months ago, I got accepted to @trafficzine, a digital anthology of pieces by a large group of artists and writers based on the most recent season of the Life Series. I made this piece back in April, but thankfully I kept some notes of my process. 

Heads up - this contains spoilers for Secret Life :D

We were able to choose our own prompt from a list! For this project, I wanted to push my comic making - especially how to communicate a lot of information in a small space. I went through and watched a few clips from the series to see which prompt would fit a comic and settled on Scott’s death.

As usual, I began by getting some reference images and going ham on some big paper. This gets me excited about the project and helps generate ideas. I go for whatever interests me in terms of medium and subject matter, but I try to use a process that doesn’t let me control too much (in this case brush and ink)

initial sketches for fun and vibes :D

During this, I also took the time to transcribe the scene - I wanted to use the dialogue directly, and see how much I could fit into the single page that I was allowed for the zine.

In these early planning stages I make sure to do warm-up sketches to remind myself of the energy I want to communicate. This also keeps things fun and fresh so I'm not ONLY thinking about page composition and making things 'good'. (the expectation for it to be 'good' kills a project prove me wrong)

Dialogue from the clip + warm up sketches

Next up, I started to plan what panels I have on the page. At this stage, some panels might just be a box with some words, and some may have a sketch if I have a clear composition in mind. This stage is mostly for pacing and plot, so instead of focusing on what the panel and page will look like, I will think about:

what will happen in the panel

it's purpose and

what it will communicate

Sometimes I'll illustrate a string of panels that tell the story and fit them on a page after - but this depends on the project and my confidence with the size of it.

After messing around with these and coming up with a pretty clear direction, I draw a bunch of boxes to see how the panels could sit nicely together. At this stage I might realise I have too many panels, and need to cut a few or come up with a creative solution. Nothing is set in stone at this point.

sketching panel layouts

Now begins the fun! I decide on the layout I prefer and I can start putting planned compositions into the boxes. I often do this digitally, or a digital editing process will be involved.

Once planned, I print these out to do a more refined sketch over. I find that my traditional drawings have a lot more life and character to them than digital ones, so I try to keep the majority of the process traditional, with passes of scanning and digital editing.

I tried a version with her looking out at the distance - ready to face the oncoming battle. But it still felt off. So I turned to my slides to ask myself some questions!!

I tried to think of more things that were working - but I really felt like it was lacking a lot. I was going for this slower emotional feeling because that came more naturally to me, but it just wasn't working for this image. The original clip is quite rushed and chaotic - which would be harder to communicate in a comic format but the challenge interested me. Either way, I knew I wasn't happy with this direction so... i decided to start from scratch! Back to the drawing board!!!

In the previous version, I had cut out a lot of the dialogue, but I decided to go back to the original clip and use AS MUCH as possible. Since passing the bow was my favourite part of that first composition, I really wanted to lean into it as the emotional height and final goodbye before Scott's death. It's a moment to slow down and absorb the vibes :D

I made a list of panels along with their descriptions to refer to when trying to figure out the order of panels. there were SO MANY and it was VERY CONFUSING when they were too small to read.

These thumbnails were super small and would not have made sense without my list, I swear.

I printed this tiny thumbnail out at A4, so I could sketch over it and get a clearer sense of flow. Then began a loooong process of printing out tiny photocopies and rearranging the panels to be legible. It was a difficult balance of communicating busyness while making sure the hierarchy/reading order made sense.

After some tweaking, i printed out an A3 copy to draw my panel borders and text.

Doing this on a separate piece of paper means I don't have to worry so much about messing up the text or borders when drawing the characters. This allows me to be more free and expressive with my illustration.

Woah! Quick trip back in time!! During the thumbnailing process I drew these warm up sketches! I looooved the way the linework came out. I drew this on an A3 piece of paper - and the shocked Gem would, in theory, be one of the smallest panels. So I decided to do a crazy thing.

I touched up the sketch digitally, compiling some of my favourite warm up sketches, some traditional sketches made for the panels, and filling the rest in digitally. Then I printed this image out in QUATERS at A3!! This meant the final sketch layer, printed out was A1!! (aka very large, considering the final file would be at A4, about 8x smaller)

I did this so I could get fairly small detailed lines with my pencil while being quite expressive and firm with my mark-making. Slowly, I dlined all of the panels traditionally and scanned them in. Then I assembled the finished linework on Photoshop, along with the text and panel borders and got to colouring :D

final linework :D

For colouring, I played a little bit with halftone but I found the texture made it feel a bit too busy - the panels are already doing enough. Because of this, I also decided to use a limited colour palette. Here are some images of the colouring process, which I won't go into today.

I'm really happy with how this came out - I think it captures the chaos of the moment, while taking time to linger on the emotion of it. Keeping that bow moment really made it, I think.

I think the last panel is still quite weak. Earlier in the process there was a low-angle shot of Gem about to kill Scott which may have been more powerful, but I think I was struggling with my actual drawing skill when it comes to perspective. A lot of learning how to draw, and in particular with comics, is about knowing where your skills are at, how to utilise them best and how to test and push them.

I'm glad that I started again, instead of finishing that composition I wasn't happy with. It was a tough project but I learnt sooooo much from it, and it's been essential skill-building for.... the current comic I'm working on (stay tuned!!! :0) Thanks for reading this incredibly long post! Go check out @trafficzine and look at all the other cool art Cool vibes and silly men,

Archie :D

[butdaddyilovehim-hs]

Rainbows and Hospital Rooms

Based of @mindofharry 's idea of Harry being a grumpy doctor and Y/N is a new intern at the hospital :)

Word Count: 1.5k

Y/N wasn’t really sure what to expect when she walked through the revolving doors of St Thomas’ Hospital. 

She’d been awake since four am, too excited about her first day as an intern. All she’d ever wanted was to help people. Before her mum passed away, she would call her a guardian angel - always around to lend a hand whenever there was trouble. Y/N believed that her mum was her guardian angel now, looking down on her in heaven. Her sweet, bubbly nature only added to her charm. She befriended everyone she met within moments, in fact Y/N was pretty sure she hadn’t met someone she hadn’t been able to win over eventually. You see, Y/N got a kick out of being kind. Whether it be letting someone ahead of her in the grocery line or sharing a coffee with the homeless man on her street, Y/N was always looking for a way to spread kindness. 

Making a good first impression was extremely important to Y/N so when she realised that she’s lost in the lobby of the hospital she started to sweat a little bit. She had decided on a whim to bake some cookies for the other interns and since it had taken her longer than expected, she wasn’t early as she had planned, but instead right on time. But being right on time and being lost in the lobby meant that now she was… late. On her first day. 

After asking for directions as quickly as she could, a rather flustered Y/N made her way to the correct room, opening the door quietly and turning red as 5 heads turned to stare in her direction. 4 were interns like her, she could tell. Young, most wearing a nervous expression and in casual clothes. The other person in the room was different. For one, he was standing in front of all the others, evidently leading the group in some sort of welcome. He was older, significantly when compared to the others in the room but Y/N couldn’t imagine he was older than 35. Compared to her 22 years, it was a rather large gap. His eyes were a striking shade of green and when they focused on her, Y/N didn’t like the way it made her feel. A swooping feeling in her stomach overwhelmed her and she felt the urge to leave the way she came, shut the door and go home. It might have been because the man standing before her was outrageously attractive. Quite possibly the most beautiful man she had ever seen, with sculpted cheekbones, those eyes, a sharp nose and lips that looked so soft, Y/N almost wanted to lean in and touch them with her own just to see if they were really as soft as they looked. 

Unfortunately for Y/N, accompanying all this beauty was an incredibly frustrated expression and it was directed at her. 

“Miss Y/N I presume. You’re-“ the man looked down at the shiny Rolex on his left wrist. “6 minutes late. Is there a reason why you couldn’t be on time like the rest of your peers or shall we just put it down to plain disrespect?” 

Y/N’s mouth opened and then closed like a fish. She was speechless.

“I’m so sorry um… sir?” She floundered for a moment, pondering what exactly to call him.

“It’s Dr Styles, to you. This isn’t military camp, although I do run a rather tight ship. Now if you would sit down, I can continue.” 

“Ok, Dr Styles it is. I am SO sorry I’m late, you see I was just-

“Please, don’t explain yourself, I don’t have the energy to listen to whatever bullshit story you decided to come up with on the way here. I’d appreciate it if you would take a seat. Every moment I waste on you, is a moment I could be saving someone’s life.”

“But I just wanted to-”

“Y/N. Sit. Down.”

Y/N blinked as he stared at her expectantly, his expression growing more frustrated by the second. She walked slowly to the empty seat in the front row and sat down, feeling rather numb. 

“Now, as I was saying before Miss Y/N decided to make her grand entrance, my name is Dr Harry Styles and I am the head of paediatrics here at St Thomas’. 

Paediatrics? Y/N thought to herself. Oh those poor children being unwell and having to be treated by the biggest asshole on earth. She wondered whether he was just as awful to the patients or whether he had perfected his bedside manner. Probably the latter, he seemed like a perfectionist. Her daydream was interrupted as an older man and woman entered the room, dressed in similar scrubs to Dr Styles. 

“Now, normally I handle all the interns myself, but since there are five of you, and my workload has grown rather heavily over the last year, I have enlisted my colleagues for some help. Dr Hannah Williams and Dr Richard Abrams.” Dr Styles explained, introducing them both. They waved and Dr Williams sent Y/N a smile and Y/N crossed her fingers and toes, hoping that she would be assigned to the nice woman with the warm smile. 

“Max and Amelie you’re with Dr Abrams. Rachel and Luke, you’re with Dr Williams. And that leaves… ”

Y/N’s heart sank.

“Y/N, you’re with me. Lucky you.” He smirked at her obvious lack of enthusiasm before continuing. 

“I’m sure you’re all aware that this is a 6 week internship. While I may not be directly supervising all of you, I will be observing you all closely. At the end of your period at St Thomas’ one of you will be offered a permanent position here. My advice? Do you best, and use what you know. You were all offered this internship for a reason, you’ve got the next six weeks to prove to me why you deserve to be here. Y/N come with me. Max and Amelie, Richard will show you where to go. Same for you Luke and Rachel, Hannah has you guys covered.” 

Y/N gathered her things quickly as Dr Styles left the room swiftly. She trailed behind him, mustering up the courage to speak. 

“Is there a reason you were so horrible to me in there?” The words left Y/N’s mouth before she could stop them and Dr Styles stopped walking abruptly in the middle of the corridor, almost causing her to face plant into his back. 

“Oh grow up Y/N. Welcome to the real world. I don’t have energy to waste on people who aren’t punctual. If this is too much for you to handle, or If I’m too much for you to handle, quit. No one is stopping you.”

He waited expectantly, but Y/N was silent.

“Good. Now if you’re done with your little outburst, we have patients to see. Try not to waste my time Y/N. Most people don’t dare to talk back to me, especially on the first day. I picked you because you intrigued me and I thought I saw potential. Don’t prove me wrong.” 

Y/N nodded, her thoughts going a million miles a minute. Dr Styles led her into a closed corridor, where the walls were filled with colour, shapes and animals.

“The first patient we’re going to see today is a 5 year old named Jackson. Jackson has stage 3 terminal cancer. At this stage it’s all about keeping him comfortable. He’s wary of new people, so just be gentle.”

He opened a door, and it was almost like someone had flipped a switch. The second the door had opened, Dr Styles’ face had switched from a stern expression to a wide smile. He was so pretty when he smiled, Y/N thought, before shaking it from her head and following him into the room. 

“Hey little superman! How are we feeling today?” Dr Styles asked the young boy, who was lying in the bed watching a dinosaur cartoon on his iPad. Y/N’s heart broke at the number of wires and medical equipment surrounding the little boy. 

“I’m bored. Can I go play outside?? Please Harry pleaseeeee.” Jackson pouted his lips at Dr Styles and Y/N suppressed a giggle. She watched him as a flicker of emotion crossed his face before he shook his head.

“Sorry not today little dude, but how about I try and get Nurse Rebecca to bring you something special later on?”

“Ok.” Jackson’s face fell as he directed his attention back to the screen. Y/N shifted slightly to the side and he looked up, making eye contact with her.

“Who’s that? Is she your girlfriend Harry? She’s very pretty.”

Y/N turned bright red and Dr Styles seemed to choke on air before spluttering out a response. 

“Not my girlfriend Jackson. This is Y/N, I’m showing her what it’s like to work here.”

“Hi Jackson, it’s nice to meet you!” Y/N sent the boy a small wave and he waved back. 

“We’ll come and visit you again later buddy ok?” Dr Styles ushered Y/N slowly out of the room, shutting the door behind her. 

They stood in silence for a moment, Dr Styles watching Jackson through the small window, a pensive expression on his face. 

“He’s a really sweet kid.” Y/N spoke softly. 

“He is.” Dr Styles agreed gruffly, and Y/N watched as his eyes began to mist. But as quickly as the tears had formed, they were gone and he was blinking them away and continuing down the hallway. 

“Hurry up Y/N we have people to see and you know how I feel about punctuality.” 

Y/N smiled softly, trailing after him. There was something there, more to Dr Styles than he was letting her see and Y/N was determined to figure him out.

A/N: Hello!! This was a super short random thing that I might continue hehe

Tags:

@lukesaprince @harrys-flower @harryspirate @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @lilyrmason12 @styleslover-1994 @stylesfever @kathb59 @indierockgirrl @bxbyysstuff @gills-lounge

[strawbeerossi]

Fearless

Pairing: Unsub!Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid

Part Description: Weeks after the incident with Cat and her death, Spencer is left with vivid dreams that make him question his job, his morals, and the path he took to protect the innocent.

Content Warnings: Coarse language, night terrors, mention of masturbation but nothing explicit, unsub!Spencer makes an appearance, violence, death, ambiguous ending.

Word Count: 2.2K

Part one || Part two || Part three

Navigation || Masterlist || Request

Highly anticipated part three and the end of a very brief series. I’m confident it’s gonna leave y’all wanting more for the way I ended it soooo feel free to message/ask for scenarios and one shots regarding Unsub!Spence

Lightning strikes, lighting up the alley where Spencer had doubled over, hands on his knees while he took in a deep breath. Blood splatter was on the side of the abandoned brick building, a body slumped in place.

This wasn’t something that went according to plan, the feeling of rain soaking the suit stained with crimson. He didn’t know what came over him. It was like he was.. He was a shadow of his former self. 

He enjoyed pressing the blade of the knife deep within his victim’s neck, the way blood managed to spurt onto his face. It gave him a rush, a hit of adrenaline that was stronger than any drug he could’ve done.

There was an awakening inside of him, a burn deep in his gut that was almost arousing. He didn’t have any erectile issues, so he was curious on how stabbing a man could bring out such animalistic feelings. 

The man who made an oath to protect innocence, the man who worked for fifteen goddamn years of his life to rid the world of darkness now falling into a dangerous addiction that not even the BAU would be able to stop.

Spencer’s eyes were popping open, a thin veil of sweat covering his face as he was quickly sitting up on the bed, head tilting to the side to look over at the bright light of the alarm clock. 

3 A.M.

His eyes were shifting over in the direction of the body in bed beside him, Y/N’s body stretched out as the moonlight was giving a pale light into the quiet bedroom. Spencer let his hands come up to rub his face tiredly.

Pulling the duvet off of himself, he was quietly getting out of bed. Last thing he needed was to wake his girlfriend up and be at the risk of being questioned. His feet were quietly shuffling on the carpeted floor in efforts to quietly get to the bathroom.

A shower won’t hurt.

These nightmares had been consistent for the past few weeks, ever since the incident with Y/N and Cat. Spencer had killed unsubs before, people who had given him no other choice. They always haunted him, a once young man who was struggling with facing the darkness of his career. As he got older, his empathy and emotions stayed intact. 

Until he went to prison.

Prison made him have to survive in whatever means possible. He’d gotten beaten, he watched another inmate who became his friend have his throat slit in front of him, he was even tampering with a batch of drugs he had to distribute. He had to be strong, not show his fear or weakness.

When he found out that Cat was behind the absolute hell he endured, he wanted nothing more than to kill her. He wanted to watch the life drain from her eyes when he choked her to death, to have that smug bitch succumb to his bare hands. He wanted to outsmart her and win this whole game once and for all. 

Well, he managed to do that, a bullet to the brain being something that he had to settle for. Instead of seeing her face, instead he was faced with yet another dilemma; Y/N. She was a murderer, darkness looming behind her sweet exterior. She lured men in, using her charm and sex appeal to catch them at their weakest. He’d learned it very early on in their relationship, it being too obvious.

No normal woman disappears at all hours of the night wearing the best clothes and looking like a delicate, beautiful doll. He let her do it, as horrible as it was. He loved her and refused to lose her, no matter what the circumstances would be. Prison was hell, he’d been there. He wouldn’t send the woman who he’d fallen in love with to the wolves. There was a sick part of him that loved it. Loved the idea of her brutality coming out with another man and then her quickly getting cleaned up to come home to him.

As he was recalling the night in question, Spencer sucked in a deep breath as he was turning on the shower head. He still couldn’t believe he’d killed Cat. He thought that it would haunt him, that the whole ordeal was going to be nothing but another bucket of trauma dumped in the bottomless pit in his brain. 

However, it awakened something different inside of him. He loved that he killed her, he loved watching her body fall like dead weight, he loved the sight of the blood on his girlfriend's face as she looked at him in pure shock.

There was a low groan that left Spencer’s lips, cock hard at the thoughts of taking care of the one woman who tortured him for years. It took thirty minutes before his thick ropes of cum were going down the shower drain, his sins being washed away for the time being. 

After cleaning himself up, it wasn’t long until he was quietly sneaking back into the bedroom. He didn’t bother with clothes, just sliding under the sheets while his gaze was on the alarm clock again.

4:25 A.M.

Insomnia was starting to set in. Six hours worth of sleep isn’t the worst thing.

The movement in the bed had the other body shifting under the sheets, a soft yawn leaving the woman’s lips as she was slowly rolling her body over to face her boyfriend. “Nightmares again?” She asked in a hushed tone, her soft touch bringing him out of his thoughts. “Yeah, you can say that.” He said softly while letting an arm drape around his girlfriend’s smaller frame. 

“Mmm, I’m sorry.” She spoke softly, face nuzzling in his chest as her eyes were fluttering shut. She wasn’t aware of his urges and Spencer felt that was best. He’d warned her that he’d kill her himself if he found out she was going back to her old ways, yet here he was developing a thirst for blood that he couldn’t quench.

Spencer was a lot of things but a hypocrite wasn't one of them. At least, he liked to believe that to be the case.

The next few weeks were the same. Although the nightmares got more vivid, his blood lust worsening the itch became more urgent to scratch. He felt like he was losing his mind, the need overshadowing any form of reasoning.

That’s how he found himself here, at a bar. He told Y/N that he was going out with the guys for the night, the idea of sneaking behind her back to do the very thing he chastised her for made him feel a new rush.

Getting caught by the police wouldn’t happen but getting caught by Y/N; That could definitely be a possibility. 

After years of being the good guy who caught the notorious serial killers who ruined lives, it was his turn to use every ounce of knowledge he had to avoid getting caught. He knew establishments that didn’t have cameras, even some where you can pay to remain anonymous.

He’d chosen a place where he could keep his anonymity, the woman at the front taking the payment and letting him through, not getting a name nor number. Spencer covered his bases, an oversized hoodie covering his head as he walked into the building. It was a bar, a dimly lit bar that was any murderer’s dream.

He had made it to the bar, ordering a drink for himself as his gaze was scanning over the faces in the bar. It was mostly men and women looking for affairs, there being another building down the street that offered rooms for the night. Now, Spencer couldn’t be seen in the area after they left, so he had his own plan. Tonight was going to be the night.

However, his mouth ran dry when he heard a familiar voice, head snapping over to see his girlfriend at the same bar. What the fuck? Did she learn nothing? Why was she here?

Like Spencer, his girlfriend had urges that needed to be fulfilled. She’d found out about this man in particular from police reports. She stalked him for weeks, learning his routine and secrets. That’s how she landed here tonight.

The couple briefly locked eyes, Y/N’s eyes widening from surprise as she was staring into the familiar honey colored irises. Instead of coming over to profusely apologize, a smirk was pulling onto her lips as she grabbed her drink from the bar while she was leaning over to the unknown man beside her, the two talking quietly amongst one another.

She’d giggle, put her hand on his upper arm, even lean in closer to whisper sweet nothings. There was a burning sensation inside of Spencer. There was jealousy and anger beginning to bubble over the surface. Was she doing this on purpose?

The male was pushing the glass he’d been nursing away as he approached his girlfriend and the man sitting beside her. There was a feeling of power that Spencer felt when he was heading over. “Hey, I noticed you two from across the bar.” He began, that awkward tight lipped smile on his face. “I’m not used to things like this but I was wondering if you two wanted to come with me to the next bar?”

Y/N was playing along, a gasp leaving her lips as she gripped the bicep of the black haired man beside her. “We should! Who doesn’t like making friends?” She asked, an eyebrow raising as she let her tongue run over her lower lip in a slow and deliberate motion. 

Spencer wasn’t gonna do what she thought he was going to do. There was no way.

Like the idiot that this guy was, he was shrugging and agreeing to accompany the two to another bar. “It can’t be so bad, right?” He asked as he let an eyebrow raise, a smile on his face.

Oh. If he only knew.

The couple and the unsuspecting victim were heading out of the bar together, the woman letting her arm link with the attractive stranger’s beside her. The night brought a quiet atmosphere, the streets being empty. The side of town they were in wasn’t too sketchy but things happened there plenty of times.

As they were walking past an alley, Y/N and Spencer shared a glance; one where she was almost daring him to make a move. He took up the dare, quickly grabbing the male by his collar before shoving him against the brick wall closest to them. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to blindly trust strangers?” The woman spoke up while shaking her head in faux disappointment. “Sweetheart, you had such a promising chance!” She taunted while glancing up at Spencer, anticipating his next move.

While reaching into her bra, it wasn’t long until the woman was holding up a switchblade. “Are you gonna be a man or do I have to show you how to do this?” She taunted her boyfriend, smirking as his darkened eyes were focused on her. “You better watch your mouth or you’ll be the next one in this position.”

She should've been the one in this position. After all, she corrupted his mind. She made him push himself into being a man that he feared he would become, the woman being the driving influence of all of this stress and all of these violent thoughts.

As the blade was gripped in his hand, his knuckles were turning white. There was a small voice in the back of his mind begging him to be rational, however it was being overshadowed by the feeling of sheer power the moment that the blade punctured the skin.

“Stabbing someone thirty times would actually be quite tiring,” Spencer inferred, balling up his fist as he was hitting his thigh thirty times to emulate the stabbings in the intensity of the story told through the stab wounds. “You’re right. This would have worn anyone out.” Gideon agreed, the sheet being pulled back as they were inspecting the victim in front of them. 

“The question is, what pushes someone to violence of this degree?” Elle was asking, her arms crossed as she was combing over any reasoning in her mind.

“We need to figure that out.” Jason stated as he was looking between the two young agents. “What causes a psychotic break?

Trauma. Anguish. Pain. 

Fifty stabs and slashes did the trick for Spencer, the knife finally falling out of his hand the minute that the lifeless man was falling like a weight. Did he really just do that?

“Wow, Spence.” Y/N brought him out of his trance as she was bringing a hand up to cover her mouth. “You said that I was brutal but look at-”

She was cut off as her body was being slammed up against the wall behind them, eyes widening. Although before she could plead for her case, she was cut off by a rough kiss, one that was enough to knock the wind out of her entirely. With his bloodied hands falling on he hips, the woman was letting her eyes flutter shut as their kissing got heavier, displaying a dark realization.

Spencer liked it. 

As he kept her planted against the brick wall, he pulled from the kiss and let out a huff of air. “We need to go.” He murmured, stopping to pick up the knife he’d previously dropped before grabbing Y/N’s hand. It was only a matter of time before some drunk asshole was stumbling upon the dead body and he’d rather avoid the issue.

Running through the night, the two had intertwined fingers, laughter filling the quiet night air as the realization of their actions had set in. 

The world had scarred Spencer for far too long, it was his turn to scar the world back. This was his chance to reclaim his power and strength after many years of having it slowly stripped away from him.

This was the start of his story.

This was his turn to act in self indulgence, to enjoy himself for what he liked.

The best part was? 

He’d never get caught.

[probably-writing-x]

Curtains Closed

Summary:

Warnings: Heartbreaking angst I’m so sorry, cursing but I think that’s everything

Author’s Note: I am so sorry this is so sad fhskghs but i loved writing this request !! Please send me any more that you may be thinking of and I’ll do my best

The set is bustling by the time you get there, crew and cast dotted around everywhere all preparing to film and refilm scenes. This was the first time that you’d been able to make the visit, and yet Drew had been filming here for at least a month. It was a new film he was working on, but with you filming recently too, it felt like your paths just weren’t crossing.

“Hey (Y/N)!” One of the assistants smiles when she sees you, “His trailer is just over there.”

You thank her and turn in the direction of Drew’s trailer, where his character’s name is printed on a sheet of paper in the window. You knock and wait, almost nervously, for the door to open. You always felt nervous when you went weeks without seeing him properly, even a year into your relationship, that hadn’t changed.

It takes a few seconds before he comes to the door, swinging it open exaggeratively. His hair is messy and his top splashed with patches of water, a grin on his face.

“Hey baby!” Drew grins, though the moment stops quickly when he’s shot at with another spray of water, “You bitch!”

Your heart feels like it sinks for just a second, enough for you to notice. He hadn’t thought to kiss you when he saw you, not even reach out and wrap you in his arms.

“Sorry, sorry, come in,” He encourages, stepping out of the way for you to step through.

In the trailer, he’s joined by his costar, who you knew was called Emily. She was a beautiful girl, being a model before she’d become an actress, and she played his love interest in the film.

“Hey, you must be (Y/N) right?” Emily grins, holding a water gun in her hand that is still pointed at Drew.

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you Emily.”

She doesn’t respond to you, instead squealing as Drew shoots her back, spraying her hair on either side of her face.

“So, how’s filming going?” You ask, sitting on the sofa across from Emily.

When Drew sits down, he takes the seat next to her.

“It’s good,” Drew nods, “We finished pretty early today, always easy doing scenes with Emily, you know?”

“Yeah, of course,” Emily grins, “We’re like a dream team on set.”

Your words seem to fail you, and you’re not sure why your chest feels so tight. This was stupid, right? They worked together, they were friends, it was good that Drew was working with someone that he got on well with. But that’s how it was when you two first got together, and part of you felt a sinking feeling that your instincts hadn’t failed you here.

“So where were you thinking of going tonight?” Drew asks, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table between the two couches.

You swallow the lump in your throat to respond but Emily cuts in quickly.

“Ooh why don’t you go to that Thai place we went to?” She suggests, and you’re sure that she has shuffled closer to Drew on the sofa.

“Yeah, we could do, it was so good,” Drew nods, “Me and Em went last week, I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so much in my life.”

The lump is back in your throat, “Yeah, sure, whatever you fancy.”

~~~

That night, you and Drew decided to order food in instead of going out, after you’d told him that you didn’t feel well. He’d eaten three slices of your pizza when you told him that you couldn’t finish it. And he had believed you when you told him there was nothing else that was wrong.

You were both in the kitchen now, washing up the plates you’d used for your food.

“So, Emily seems nice,” You nod, dragging the kitchen towel over your plate.

“Yeah, she’s great, right?” Drew smiles, “We just have such a laugh on set, genuinely I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much.”

You felt like you could cry in that moment, not just from that comment but from the way his eyes seemed so bright when he spoke about her, the way you felt like his eyes hadn’t been on yours as much as normal.

He hands you the last plate and shakes his hands off into the water, taking one side of the towel in your hands to dry his off.

“Hey,” He takes it out of your hands and sets it down, wrapping his arms around your waist, “It’s good to properly see you again.”

You force yourself to smile, setting a hand on his chest.

“I mean it, I feel like we’ve both been way too busy recently,” He nods, “It’s good for us to have days like this.”

You still can’t force your body to bring out any words, just looking at the boy in front of you like you’d never seen him before.

“Hey?” Drew dips his tall figure down to try and catch your eyes, “This is good, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” You smile and he kisses your cheek, releasing his arms from around you.

Your heart feels heavy and empty all at once, your mind running a thousand thoughts and thinking of nothing at all. When he walks off to disappear into the lounge, you feel like a part of you disappears with him.

~~~

That night, you both get ready for bed like you normally do. You brush your teeth together and he goes into the bedroom whilst you’re washing your face. It’s all the routine that you’re used to, and when you shut off the ensuite light, he’s already sat propped up against the headboard, scrolling through his phone. You’re still wearing one of his tops to bed, another piece of normality that it felt comforting to keep.

“Drew, can I ask you something?” You ask cautiously, hovering by the side of the bed like you’re worried about getting in.

“Sure, what is it?” He shuts off his phone screen and puts it on the bedside table.

“Do you think things are still the same between us when we don’t see each other as much? You know, like when we’re both so busy?”

You watch the way his face drops a little, “What are you talking about?”

“I mean… we’ve just both been so busy recently.”

“Yeah, and we make it work,” He continues, “We still text, we call, and it’s only been a few weeks, we’ve done worse.”

You drag a hand through your hair, pulling out one of the tangles to distract yourself, “I don’t-“

“What is this (Y/N)?” He shakes his head, “Is there something you need to tell me?”

“I just,” You take a deep breath, if you don’t say it now you never will, “I saw you with Emily today and I-“

“This is about Emily?” He sits up straighter, “Are you kidding?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you two went to dinner together?”

His words fail him and it’s like you can see the confidence crumble just a little, “I don’t-“

“Is it because you knew that it would look weird? For you two to just be going out together?” You continue, a new sense of confidence fuelling your words, “If you didn’t think it was weird, you would’ve told me. We talk everyday Drew. What excuse did you come out with?Or did you just hope that I wouldn’t ask?”

“I just told you I was going out with the cast, it was last Friday,” He admits, as if he’s just been caught in the act completely.

Your heart sinks, “So you lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie to you, I mean, it wasn’t like that,” He scrambles, standing up now so that both of you were on either side of the bed now, too much and too little space between you all at once, “I just knew how you’d think it looked, and we hadn’t seen each other in a couple of weeks, and you were busy with work, and I just didn’t want you to worry.”

“So I’m busy working, and you’re out on dates with a girl I hadn’t even met before?!”

“No, no, no, don’t be like that!” He seems more aggressive now, “It wasn’t a fucking date, okay? We’re friends.”

“Friends? Because she’s just so funny, and you’re fighting in your trailer, and you’re sat next to her, and you’re doing everything with her?”

“I’m sat next to her?” He half-laughs, “So you’re noting down where I sit now?”

“But it’s not just that, is it, Drew? I haven’t seen you in weeks and you didn’t even care! It could’ve been anyone walking through the door and you’d have had the same reaction! It’s like I was fucking interrupting!” You are waving your arms around as you speak, the way Drew knew you only did when you were getting angrier.

“You weren’t fucking interrupting,” He shakes his head, “But if you don’t trust me in that then maybe this is more of an issue than just Emily. What else, (Y/N)?”

You look at him there, his features darkened by the lack of light in your bedroom. He’s more toned than ever for this role, the muscles of his abs dipping in and out of his stomach and casting small shadows over his torso, his arms larger and his shoulders broader. If you looked for long enough, it felt like he was completely different. But his eyes were still yours, in the way they creased when you made him laugh, and the way his dimples hooked either side of his lips when he saw you happy. But this time it felt tainted, your mind overloading with thoughts of him giving the same eyes, the same smile, the same dimples to her.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Drew,” You whisper the words, uncertain of how they’ll sit in the air between you.

“What does that mean?” He shakes his head, the fury in him settling down into worry.

You’re silent, complete silence between the two of you.

“Let’s just go to bed, okay? We’re just tired,” Drew states, convincing himself along with you, “We’re not thinking straight, this isn’t us. Let’s just go to sleep, and we’ll wake up, and we’ll be fine, okay?”

You don’t reply.

“I’m sorry for raising my voice, okay?”

“Okay,” You croak out, your eyes threatening to spill unforgiving tears.

He takes a deep breath and gets back into bed, pulling down the sheets on your side. You follow suit, climbing in beside him and pulling the sheets high up over you as if a shield from the argument that still lingered in the air. Drew dips an arm beneath your back and pulls you into him, another piece of normality he seemed reluctant to give up. His body is warm but it feels too warm beneath your skin, burning into you just a little. His chest rises and falls but it’s not in the same rhythm, his heart slowing down as yours still felt like it was racing.

Eventually, you’re sure that he has fallen asleep, and you stay awake for far too much time after, your eyes staring at the closed curtains on the other side of the room, willing for the light to come through.

~~~

The following morning, you’re awake before he is, though you’re sure that you hadn’t had more than a couple of hours sleep the night before.

It’s cold in the apartment, like an air of the inevitable had settled over everything that the two of you had. When Drew wakes up, you’re sat with your feet and knees tucked up to you on the sofa, your hands around yourself.

“Morning,” He says, his voice still sleepy and thick, joggers hanging low on his hips, forcing the V-line of his torso to poke out.

You look up and offer him a small smile, the biggest that your lack of energy can muster.

“Did you sleep okay?”

He regrets the question almost as soon as it is said, as if he’d just asked you the worst thing possible in the moment. Instead, he walks over the short distance to you and sits down, close to you on the sofa like he wants to draw you into him.

“Listen, (Y/N),” He begins, “I know things aren’t ideal. We’re both busy, we’re working in different places, different hours, and it’s not going to end any time soon. But we can make this work, okay? We can change things. I’m going to tell you everything, I’m not going to lie to you, I’ll make sure I have more days off and I can come and visit you, and we can facetime more instead of just calling,” He pauses to take a breath, “We can fight for this (Y/N).”

“I don’t know how much longer I can just keep fighting, Drew,” Your voice is croaky, threatening to break.

“But this is us, baby, we can’t lose this,” He sits himself closer to you, though avoiding contact like he is afraid you’ll shatter in front of his eyes.

“Drew, listen,” You let yourself breathe for a moment, “This has worked for us, it has. We’ve always made it work. But, right now, it doesn’t feel like that anymore. We’re in different places, and this time it was only weeks, next time it might be a couple of months. You’ll go on press for the film, I’ll be here. I don’t know how much we can keep doing that.”

“We can try, can’t we?”

“I’ve never seen you with anyone and felt the way I did yesterday, I saw you with Emily and I felt like a completely different person, like I was this jealous and overthinking version of myself, and I don’t want to be that. I don’t want to see you after weeks and just argue with you,” You’re speaking through tears that you are fighting back, “This isn’t us, you said it last night. But if we stay together now, this is what we’re going to be, and I don’t want you to be someone I end up hating.”

Drew’s silent, staring at you like he’s hoping he’ll wake up from a nightmare.

“So I think we need to break up,” You choke through the words, though they feel cold as they leave your lips.

“(Y/N) please,” He whispers, tears spilling over his eyelashes.

“I can’t fight for this anymore Drew,” You shake your head and your tears fall too now, staining your cheeks as they do.

He moves forward and grips your hands, pulling them into the middle of his larger palms and bringing them to his lips. You drop your head forward and press your forehead to his. His tears drop down and mix with yours over your tangle of hands, neither of you wanting to move as if moving would solidify what had just been finalised already.

“I’m never not going to love you, (Y/N).”

You nod against his chest, “Then you’ll go, and I’ll stay, and we’ll find our way back.”

(((Adding a normal people reference so that you don’t all hate me for breaking your hearts xoxo)))

[sluttywonwoo]

instead of you [part thirty-one] || l.mh

pairing: [best friend’s brother] lee minho x college!reader ft. han jisung

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either. 

warnings: swearing, smut (mdni)

word count: 2.3k

a/n: revamped my tom holland series from my main blog ( @wazzupmrstark ) to try and motivate myself to finish it!!

series masterlist | early access to the next chapter on ko-fi

additional smut warnings: edging, orgasm denial, spanking, protected sex

It was in fact, not the last time you would sleep with Minho. Despite saying so, you continued to sneak into his room every night after Jisung fell asleep. You’d fuck, sometimes twice, and then go back to the room you shared with your best friend like nothing happened. To say that the guilt was eating you alive would be an understatement. But for whatever reason, you didn’t stop. 

All it would take was a single look from Minho, a glimpse of him shirtless in the pool, a smirk directed at you, and you’d decide you needed him. You were so weak when it came to him. It was pathetic.

Minho always let you do the initiating when it came to sex. He never pushed, but he didn’t exactly try to deter you either. At first, you convinced yourself that it was just because he was like every other twenty-something-year-old guy: always horny. Never one to turn down getting laid when the opportunity presented itself. But every time you hooked up, you’d notice things that seemed to suggest otherwise. 

Like how he always put your pleasure first. That could simply be attributed to him being a good lover, but it felt different. It wasn’t like he was trying to get you to cum as fast as possible so that he wouldn’t have to worry about it when it was his turn. No, he took his time with it, wanted to make it last because he genuinely enjoyed making you feel good. It seemed like each time you had sex he was trying to make you cum more times than the last. And then afterward, when you were both still catching your breath, he’d hold your hand, play with your hair, coax you into staying five extra minutes, things that friends with benefits don’t do. 

You’d be a fool to fall for him. But it was far too late for that. You had wanted him before you ever slept together. Before he kissed you for the first time. And now that you’d had him, you didn’t want to go back. 

You can tell Minho feels guilty too. You see it in the way he looks at Jisung when his back is turned. He’s less vocal about it than you but you know it’s there. 

-

The second to last day in Bali is spent hiking. Your foot had mostly healed by then, but the news was still devastating to you. 

“Do you ever read the itinerary?” Jisung groaned upon hearing your complaints. 

“I like being surprised.”

“That’s a fucking lie,” he said, calling your bluff. “You’re just lazy.”

You gasped and held your hand to your heart, feigning offense. Jisung rolled his eyes at you. 

“Come on, get up, get dressed. It’s matching t-shirt day.”

“Nooo, I forgot about that.”

“You only have to do it one more time after this,” he reminded you. 

Only one more time. That’s right... there was only one more stop on the trip before you all flew back to Seoul and spent the last two weeks of summer there. You expected to feel relief but you were filled with anxiety instead. You couldn’t pinpoint the reason as to why but you suspected it had to do with the whole fucking your best friend’s brother behind his back thing. 

“You still with me?” Jisung asked. “Did you zone out?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“S’alright. We better start getting ready, though.”

You nodded absentmindedly and made your way over to your suitcase to grab a change of clothes. You were moving on autopilot, not even aware of what you were doing until suddenly you were fully dressed and ready, sitting between Felix and Minho at the kitchen bar as Jisung blended up a smoothie for the four of you. 

You couldn’t remember brushing your teeth or putting on sunscreen but your mouth tasted minty and your skin was sticky from the lotion. 

Minho nudged your elbow. “You okay?” he asked. 

“Fine.”

Jisung glanced at his older brother and then you, sliding your smoothies across the counter wordlessly. 

“Thank you,” you practically whispered as you accepted yours.

Did he know? No, if he knew he certainly wouldn’t be speaking to either of you. But did he suspect? It wasn’t like you and Minho were being that careful... he could have easily picked up on what was going on. 

You tried taking a sip of your smoothie but it wasn’t melted enough to go through the straw. 

“Here,” Jisung said, leaning over the bar to stick a spoon in your cup. 

“Thanks, babe.”

He winked at you. “No problem.”

Okay, so maybe he didn’t know and was just annoyed with Minho. That could also be an explanation. 

Jisung’s parents assured you that the hike was an easy one but you were still skeptical. Hiking in general was an activity you preferred not to partake in, regardless of the level of difficulty. 

You liked getting out and going places... that were inside.. with air conditioning. Hiking, kayaking, cycling, all on the list of no’s for you. You were simply not an outdoorsy person. You’d much rather go to a tasting at a local brewery or sit through a play in a language you didn’t understand. To be fair, the trip had a good balance of both, so you couldn’t complain too much. The Hans, on the other hand, were outdoorsy people so you should have seen it coming anyway.

Getting to Campuhan Ridge required a short bus ride over to the site for the walk. You sat on Jisung’s lap since it was so crowded, listening to him argue with Felix about fruit. 

“They are good for you!” Jisung cried in exasperation.

“All I’m saying is that that much sugar can’t be healthy.”

“It’s naturally made sugar- I’m the one in culinary school here! I know what I’m talking about!”

The hike turned out to be relatively easy, as Nikki and Dom had claimed it to be. It wasn’t too high up either. Views of rice terraces and forests stretched on for miles in each direction, greenery as far as the eye can see. 

The only downfall was how hot it was. You were sweating not even ten minutes in and the baseball cap you were wearing did nothing to block out the sun. 

You stopped somewhere in the middle of the walk to take some pictures. It had been Nikki’s idea since she’d brought her Nikon along with her, but Jisung also asked Minho to take a couple pictures of just the two of you while Felix did the same thing for their parents. 

You wrapped both of your arms around Jisung and smiled as wide as you could manage. Jisung smiled too, squeezing your hip. 

“Okay, now do something different,” Minho directed. “The smiling is boring.”

You shrugged and raised yourself on your tiptoes to kiss Jisung’s cheek. “O-okay that’s good too,” Minho muttered. 

Jisung chuckled quietly, his body vibrating beneath your lips. It made you lose your balance but your best friend caught you before you could stumble.

“Woah, you alright there, y/n?” Dom called as he, Nikki, and Felix rejoined the three of you. 

You clung to Jisung and laughed. “Yes, thanks to him!”

“It seems like I’m always catching her,” he sighed. “Where would you be without me?”

“Dead, probably.”

His mother smiled fondly at your little display and you patted yourself on the back internally. You still had a role to play, after all. 

The sun had drained everyone so you headed back to the resort early. Felix and Minho went to pick up some take-out food while the rest of you showered off the day and waited for them to return. 

After dinner, you ended up in Minho’s bed again. It was routine at this point. Pretend like you’re going to bed with everyone else, wait for Jisung to fall asleep, wait fifteen more minutes to make sure he’s really out, and then sneak off to Minho’s room. His room was all the way on the other side of the treehouse thing you were staying in which was both fortunate and unfortunate. It was fortunate because it wasn’t close to Jisung where you might accidentally wake him up, but it was unfortunate because it meant you had to walk through the entire place in the dark to get to it. 

“Took you long enough,” Minho had grumbled when you showed up. 

“Aw did you miss me that much?” you teased. 

Apparently, he wasn’t in the mood to take his time with you because in a matter of minutes he had you pressed face down on the mattress as he fucked you from behind, holding on to your hips so tightly you thought he might leave bruises in the shape of fingerprints. 

It was a position the two of you hadn’t tried together yet but you were already loving it. Minho could go faster and deeper than when he was fucking you in missionary and it had you on the edge in record time. Except he wasn’t letting you cum.  

For whatever reason, every time you warned him that you were close, he would slow down or come to a complete stop, waiting until the feeling had passed to start again. He even held you in place so that you couldn’t fuck yourself back on his cock and finish yourself off- he’d learned to do that after you’d tried to do it the first time he denied your orgasm. 

“You’re so mean!” you sobbed, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. He’d stopped again, ironically rubbing your back soothingly as the pleasure ebbed away for the umpteenth time.  

Minho just laughed and pulled you up by your hair so that he could look at your face. “No, I’m not.”

“Yes you are! I need to cum and you won’t let me!”

“That’s your fault for telling me you like to be edged.”

God damn your big mouth. You didn’t even remember telling him that but you didn’t doubt that you had because it was true. You did like being edged but this was torture. 

“Don’t listen to past me! Listen to present me!” you begged. 

“Nice try.”

“Fuck!” 

He started moving again but slowly. It wasn’t enough to make you cum but it did make you even needier. You gripped the bed sheets as he thrust into you over and over again, trying in vain to get him to go faster.

“Always so fucking wet for me,” Minho hissed, slapping your ass lightly. You yelped in surprise. “Shh, baby.”

“I’m trying!” you whispered.

“Try. Harder. Then.”

You wanted to quip back but the words died on your lips as you felt the coil in your stomach tightening again. You didn’t tell Minho this time, hoping that he wouldn’t notice. He did, of course. Your pussy was fluttering like crazy around him and you weren’t able to control it. 

Minho stopped completely, this time snaking an arm under your body so that he could pull you up on his lap. You cursed under your breath at the change in angle. 

“You were about to cum without saying anything, weren’t you? Fucking brat.”

“I forgot?” you mumbled. 

He scoffed in disbelief. “You’re really testing my patience, you know that?”

“I guess it’s a good thing it turns you on then.”

Minho let out a sound of annoyance and brought his free hand down to your cunt so that he could rub your clit. The smirk fell from your face immediately. 

And then he started moving his hips, just enough so that your g-spot and your clit were being stimulated at the same time. 

You whimpered out that you were close when you felt your orgasm approaching again, which seemed to please Minho. But he wasn’t going to let you off that easy. 

“You want to cum? Beg for it.”

“Please, Minho! Please let me cum, I’ll be good, I promise!”

You didn’t hear what he said next because your ears were ringing from the intensity of your climax. You were vaguely aware of him cumming right after you but you didn’t register much aside from his body going tense underneath yours. You rode out your orgasm until the spots in your vision subsided and your legs stopped shaking, flopping onto the bed like a ragdoll. 

Minho was quick to lay down beside you, having recovered from his orgasm much faster than you had. 

“That wasn’t too much, was it?”

You shook your head. “It was perfect. I don’t think I’ve ever cum that hard in my life. Not even by myself.”

You probably shouldn’t be feeding into his ego so much, but considering how good he was in bed it was at least a little deserved. 

He grinned proudly and rolled onto his side to kiss you. “I’m glad.”

-

You took another shower before going back to bed. That had become another part of your routine since you started sleeping with Minho regularly. You’d take a shower before dinner for the sake of appearances, and then you’d take a second shower after messing around with Minho. There was no way you could just hop back into bed with Jisung all sweaty and gross. It would be a dead giveaway, not to mention disgusting. 

The second shower always made you feel dirtier than it did clean. It felt like you were washing off the evidence not only literally, but figuratively too. You supposed that was to be expected, though. What wasn’t to be expected, however, was your best friend waiting outside of the bathroom for you when you got out of the shower. 

You jumped when you heard his voice, nearly knocking your head against the wall. Your eyes had yet to adjust so it was hard to see him but he was there, arms crossed over his chest defensively. You already knew what he was going to say before he said it but the question made your blood run cold nonetheless. 

“Is there something going on between you and Minho?”

sorry for skipping out on the taglist again- I'm babysitting tn so I'm posting from my laptop (lmk what you think though i always appreciate feedback!!)

add yourself to the taglist here!

[captain-mj]

You know what we discussed about vampire Ghost

I love you so much yeah I know exactly what we discussed

Soap continued to stare at Gaz. “You’re joking. This is a joke.”

Gaz nodded. "Look, I know how it sounds."

"'Do you? Are you sure?”

Gaz moved his shirt to expose his throat and soap could see the dozens of bites.

'Look, I shouldn’t be telling you. Its on a need to know basis, but if you’re going to pursue Ghost, I wanted you to know. Ever notice that he and Alex refuse to go into the sun with their skin showing?” Soap decided not to mention that he had already caught Ghost and had the bruises on his hips to prove it.

Instead, he turned to Alex. “This is insane. Tell him you’re not a vampire."

Alex stared at him

“Haud your wheesht!"

A moment of silence.

'’Keller, you can't be serious."

Alex and Gaz just stared.

Sorp tried to laugh it off as a joke until Alex took his thumb and exposed his fangs. Long, wicked and sharp. Perfectly concealed until Alex pressed the right spot in his gums. The skin of his mouth, specifically around his teeth and gums, had dark coloring like a corpse.

Alex made sure Soap got a good look at them, even releasing and pushing them back a few times, before letting go. “Ghost likes you. If you know, it makes things a lot easier. He can’t be all angsty about it.”

Soap continued to stare way after he pulled his hand away from his mouth. “Who else knows?”

Alex hummed. “I think you’re the last in the 141 to know. Several SpecGru members don’t know.”

Gaz quickly chipped in. “And we were eventually going to tell you when Ghost and Alex felt comfortable. I was told a little early because Alex and I started dating, but the original plan was after a few months for both of us. No one was going to keep it from you forever.”

Alex made a face that implied he could’ve dealt with Soap never knowing, but he seemed uncomfortable with the conversation in general. Soap doubted this was the easiest conversation to have.

“Ghost is… a vampire.”

“Yes.”

Soap thought about some of his Lieutenant’s habits. “Oh dear god.”

“Yeah, it’s a lot. If you need to sit down and talk, I can answer some questions.” Gaz offered. “Nothing too personal obviously, but some.”

Alex looked at Gaz with a distinct look of relief before quickly leaving the room. His hand lingered on Gaz and Soap told himself firmly that he imagined the claws there.

Soap took a deep breath. “They need to… from humans?”

“Yeah. Animal blood doesn’t actually work. The bagged stuff can get them by but it’s not ideal. It's why I let Alex eat off me."

Soap nodded. "Does it hurt?"

"A little. There's some kind of... I don't know. Toxin? Laswell said it's on the same level as codeine. Takes the pain away. Also a small bit of Draculin."

Soap laughed. "That's a little on the nose, don't you think?"

Gaz laughed as well. "Dude, that's the same thing in vampire bat spit. I didn't make up the fucking term."

Soap shook his head. "I'm gonna... lay down for a bit."

"Yeah, take your time, man." Gaz hit his shoulder and went in the same direction that Alex went in.

Soap finally let himself freak out a bit. His entire world just got turned upside down.

Vampires fucking exist.

And Simon was one.

Potentially.

The idea of Simon with his face covered in someone's blood, teeth on display, disturbed him quite a bit more than he was expecting.

Soap had no evidence that Ghost was... whatever Alex was. And maybe this was still some weird trick. It seemed really far, especially for Gaz, but still.

What better way to find out the truth than to ask the man himself? Maybe, once this stupid little event was over and Soap was reassured that Ghost was perfectly human, he could go back to normal. Maybe he'd convince Ghost to finally lift the mask up enough for them to have a proper kiss.

Soap "stalked" Ghost around base. The man knew he was there and seemed to be purposefully keeping busy around people. He would occasionally glance at him and bat his eyelashes, almost like he was teasing him.

Soap started to go through every single time he and Ghost had been outside together. He had to have been uncovered at some point. Once he had went through every memory, he realized that wasn't fair. Ghost stayed covered up. So he started thinking about Alex.

Yeah, he wore a lot of ghillie suits with masks, but clearly at some point... He worked in the middle east with Farah the majority of the time. There had to be something, come on.

Once. Alex had disappeared for a few hours after that and he had weird burns That he said were caused by the explosion. Yeah, he'd seen his face plenty and interacted with him plenty. Usually, In buildings. At night. When he was covered head to toe.

Soap's breathing started to come quicker but he was determined to keep his cool. Again, this was crazy.

Ghost finally went to his room and left it open for Soap to follow him. He turned around and sat on his bed. "Johnny. Need something?"

"Can I see your mouth?"

Ghost blinked at him. "Is that a new way to ask for a blowjob?"

"No. Like... your teeth."

Ghost stared before sitting up. "Price told you, didn't he? I told him I wanted to wait. Look I planned to tell you before we got closer. Ju-"

"We slept together."

Ghost looked at him with the giant brown eyes. "Trust me, you were never at risk of anything."

Soap frowned. "You're actually a vampire. This is insane."

Ghost stared at him. "Like I said. I'd never risk you. It's why I kept the mask on. I just... How do you tell someone that?"

"Sometime between fucking me and us flirting would've been nice." Soap said, backing up a little. Yes, rationally he knew Ghost wouldn't attack him. It wouldn't make sense for him and if Ghost really wanted to, he wouldn't do it now.

"Are you going to tell anyone?"

Soap paced around. "No. Of course not. Also, Price didn't tell me."

"Fucking Kyle."

Soap kept walking around the room, thinking to himself. "Give me proof."

Ghost's grip on the blanket got tighter. "What?"

"Proof. Show me."

Now it was Ghost's turn to think for a moment. "Alright." Slowly, he took off his mask.

Soap paused, staring. Unlike when he took his mask on in Los Almas, he had another mask underneath. It fit around his jaw and covered the bottom half of his face. It didn't hinder his movement at all, but it would keep him from biting (or kissing) freely.

“You’ll have to take it off of me if you want to see my fangs.”

Gently, he lifted his head to show the "lock". It was a simple one where you had to push a button and then twist it open. Ghost touched it and smoke came from his fingertips. Although it clearly hurt, Ghost held it for a second before pulling away. "Silver. Can't get through it. I usually have Price take it off of me when I'm eating. Or whoever I'm feeding from.”

Soap nodded. "You feed off people often?" He didn’t want to think about it. He especially did not walk to think of what it would feel like to unmask Ghost. It felt like too much. Too intimate but too sterile. It casted Ghost in a very animalistic light that Soap couldn’t wrap his brain around.

Ghost nodded. "Any time I can. Bagged stuff... is awful. I'd rather get another hook through my ribs then drink the stuff, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I keep the mask because I’m… newer. Still always at risk of going feral.” He looked at Soap. "I haven't lied to you about anything. Never liked lying."

Soap glared at him. "Not telling me something you'd know I want to know is lying by omission."

Ghost looked ashamed. "I'm sorry. I didn't plan on us going far until I told you just... things happened."

Soap felt a lot of feelings. On one hand, yeah. Ghost was secretive. This wasn't exactly unheard of for him. He'd hidden his face for weeks. Most people had known him for months or even years and not seen his face. Soap was definitely privileged in that aspect.

But... this was... well... A lot. Soap thought if he could hear Ghost's backstory full of betrayal and being buried alive, he could handle anything. This was just...

Too much.

The idea of Ghost sinking those fangs into someone wasn't something he liked thinking about. Or being feral. Animalistic and dangerous.

This did explain why Ghost was so cold.

"Johnny..." Ghost spoke up. "If you want to pretend this never happened, I'd understand. I'd never want to make you uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry. This is... It's just a lot."

Ghost nodded and he looked... so understanding. "like I said. I never want to make you uncomfortable. If you'd prefer we stick to a more professional relationship for a bit, I-"

"Yes. Professional. I think it's best our relationship stays that way." Soap watched it in real time. The initial moment of thinking there was more coming. Waiting for the "for now" that wasn't going to come. Simon's eyes were so sad. So convincing.

Then Ghost snapped into place. "Understood, sergeant. I think it's best you leave my room. I need to turn into a bat and hang from the ceiling." He laughed, brushing Soap off like it was nothing.

Soap hadn't expected begging or pleading for him to change his mind, but the cold acceptance that Ghost gave him hurt his chest. "Simon I'-"

"That's not how you talk to a superior officer." Ghost cut him off, staring down at him. He slid his tac gear off. "Now, like I said, leave my room."

Soap nodded, backing off. He went to his room and sketched until lights out.

In the morning, he studiously ignored that Ghost didn't text him Morning like he had for the past four months. There wasn't even a skull emoji to indicate that Ghost had slept bad and didn't want to leave bed.

He ate breakfast with Gaz and Price, staying quiet.

Price sipped his tea. "I see you're taking this better than Gaz did."

Gaz looked betrayed but that just made Price laugh. "Look, it was a crazy thing to find out okay??"

Soap hummed. "What did you do?"

"Lock myself in my room for a while. I was... I don't know. Paranoid I guess. I thought they'd eat me now that I knew or that I'd discover another one that wasn't part of my team I eventually got over it though. It eventually gets easier."

"Glad to hear that."

It didn't feel like it was getting better.

Every time Soap saw Ghost, he imagined him draining someone and he got sick. He found it hard to be on missions with him and it was obvious to everyone around them.

Gaz confronted him, looking spitting mad. "Are you serious? I told you because I... I thought you'd want to know. I did not want you to do this."

Soap sighed. "Look, I'm sorry it just... freaks me out okay?"

"You're not squeamish about anything."

"Eating someone alive is different than a dead body."

Gaz looked at him and shook his head. "Oh well. At least you found out before you and Ghost did anything."

"...So about that."

Gaz looked horrified. ''Soap..."

"Don't worry. We'll stick to being a one night stand and everything will be fine."

Gaz rubbed his face. He looked at him for a moment and then looked away. "Alright, Soap. If you think you got it handled, I'll believe. I just... I don't want anyone getting any feelings hurt."

"Don't worry. I doubt this is bothering Ghost very much."

Ghost was doing a great job of hiding everything from everyone.

Except Alex and Alejandro, who got to hear his stilted and barely audible explanation of what happened. It hurt. A lot. But it was fine. Perfectly fine.

Ghost tried not to look at Soap when he could help it. It hurt his chest.

Soap had agreed to go to Los Almas. They needed some assistance with the cartel now that Valeria had escaped. He jumped at the opportunity to get away and just… clear his thoughts.

Alejandro and Rodolfo were excited to see him. Soap felt nice, seeing both of them. It had just started to get dark but the last rays on sunshine didn’t seem to bother either of them.

He went with them, talking about what happened without giving away what he knew. Both of them kept glancing at them though, this knowing look in their eyes.

So much for clearing his head.

Rodolfo spoke up first. “We know about the vampires on your team. Price has To disclose them to people he’s working with.”

Alejandro nodded, tapping his fingers. “So if you want to talk about that.”

“I hate the idea of Ghost covered in someone’s blood. It’s…”

Revolting? Horrible? Weirdly erotic in a way that made Soap’s Catholic guilt rear it’s head?

“Unsettling.”

Alejandro nodded. “I see. I’m sure Ghost will be fine. He has a few centuries to forget you exist.” He smiled, like that was supposed to cheer Soap up. Instead, it sent such a sharp pain through Soap He almost doubled over.

Soap focused back on the mission at hand which was helping them clean out Cartel members.

One night, as he was coming back, he decided to stop by Rudy’s bedroom. It was right next to Alejandro’s quarters. He didn’t knock, just peaked in, that way if Rodolfo was asleep, he could just silently leave.

Rodolfo most certainly was not asleep. He was down to just his pants with his shoes and shirt neatly put away.

And Alejandro was there. Digging his fangs into him.

Soap froze and watched, something compelling him to.

Alejandro held Rudy with such a gentleness. Like he was a prized possession. He pulled his fangs out and Soap could see Rodolfo’s back arch when he did. Heard the tiny muffled gasp before Alejandro kissed him softly.

He spoke in Spanish, the only thing Soap understood was “my moon”. Alejandro dipped his head and started to drink. He didn’t make a sound. In his head, Soap had expected Moans or grunts, but like a proper predator, there was nothing but the sounds it drew out of Rodolfo.

Carefully, very gently, Alejandro’s hand slid down his back as he cupped it closer. He pulled away and put their foreheads together, a bead of blood running down. Rodolfo gathered it on his thumb and Alejandro ran his tongue over it.

“Need more?” Rodolfo asked in a soft voice and Soap was glad they were using words they taught him in Spanish so he could keep up.

Alejandro shook his head and held his hand against the wound. “No. Sorry I think I cut a little deep.”

“It’s okay. Not feeling dizzy.” Rodolfo reassured, cupping Alejandro’s face. They kissed again, so loving and intimate. Something there that Soap wasn’t getting.

He closed the door and just went back to his own room, not understanding why he was tearing up. Why his nose burned.

Soap reimagined the bloody scene of Ghost He had been imagining for weeks now. Instead, it was a bit more like what he just saw and he… felt he may have made a mistake.

Soap laid in bed, imagining Ghost cradling him, not some random person, the same way. Biting him carefully. Holding him together. It shook him, just how much he did want that. How much the idea excited him.

Taking into account time zones, he texted Ghost a good morning that was read and ignored. He started doing it consistently, trying to get Ghost’s attention. Ghost did send a message back. Just a simple skull emoji but it gave Soap so much relief to see.

The two continued to talk through the rest of Soap's stay in Los Almas and by the time he got the go ahead to go back to their normal base, he'd say they were on good speaking terms.

Soap felt all of the hair on his neck stand on end the moment Ghost's attention turned towards him for the first time in two weeks. He looked the exact same way he did when they first met. Not a single change.

Things melted away. Somehow, they ended up right where they were the day before Gaz told him all of this. His chest to the wall, Ghost feeling him up with his gloves.

"Simon." Soap said softly and Ghost stopped immediately, putting his forehead against Soap's shoulders.

"Johnny." He sounded like he was panting. "Should I stop?"

"I want you to bite me."

Ghost's fingers sank into the flesh of Soap's hips. "What?"

Soap scrambled to get his shirt off. "Bite me. Right here." He framed his throat.

Ghost paused, looking confused and Soap pushed his balaclava up. "I was thinking about it. You eating someone. I discredited you. I know you're not a monster, Lt. I'm sorry." He looked at the muzzle that kept him in place. It finally got through to Soap how little trust Ghost must have in himself to do this to himself willing. As well as how much trust he had to put in those around him to help him out of it. While Ghost could probably undo the lock himself, it clearly hurt even through gloves. Soap gently undid the little lock and then pulled it off of him, finally seeing Ghost's lips again. And the two fangs that decided they wanted to be seen as well where they almost pierced his bottom lip. "I was so upset at the idea of you biting someone else. That was my problem."

"You almost sound jealous."

Was that it? Definitely felt like part of it. Judging by the way Ghost was sniffing at his veins, Soap hoped imagined he hadn't fed off a person in a while. His tongue flicked out, nice and cold.

Ghost pulled his balaclava the rest of the way off and moved the muzzle to be around his throat instead. He kissed at the pulse point, pressing in tight. "Are you sure? You don't have to I promise" Despite his words, he was licking at the place he wanted to bite desperately as if to break the skin with just his tongue.

"Yes. Please. I-"

Gaz was full of shit.

It did hurt. The dull ache almost making Soap regret it.

Until Ghost wrapped his arms around him and picked him up. He didn't keep his teeth in long, quickly switching to sucking on the wound he made.

Soap buried his fingers in his hair and gasped softly, feeling pleasure spark through his veins. His legs were dangling so he moved to wrapping them around Ghost's waist. He felt Ghost's hard stomach against the bulge in his pants and nearly came like this.

The feeling of it all. It felt rapturous. So close to heaven. His stomach started to tense and his legs shake.

Ghost pulled away far too soon and Soap tugged him up for a quick kiss. It tasted a little too much of iron but the starry gaze he got from Ghost made it more than worth it. He gently pushed him back to his throat and Ghost happily continued to drink now that he had permission. His tongue lapped at the wound to keep the blood flowing.

He found himself liking this idea. That he was the one that Ghost ate from. Keeping him well fed.

The biting didn’t hurt as it went on. Instead it just felt good.

Ghost’s hand slid into Soap's pants before getting frustrated and simply tearing them to get what he wanted. He ran his hands up and down Soap's cock as he continued his meal.

Right as Soap started to feel dizzy, Ghost sped his hand up and he came so hard his vision turned dark. He whimpered and felt himself hit the bed, immediately finding himself missing Ghost’s hands holding him up. If he had the brain power to do so, he'd ask for Ghost to fuck him right then and there, but he couldn't formulate the words. Ghost bandaged and cleaned him before taking care of himself, which meant Soap was conscious enough to grab Ghost's belt loops and make him sit there for him to see instead of hiding in the bathroom.

Blood coated his mouth and down his chest, it seemed Ghost was a rather messy eater, but he was hot. So hot. He rutted into his blood soaked hand, chanting Soap's name over and over again. His face had more color in it than Soap had ever seen and it was downright gorgeous. Soap would let him drink from him again just to see that.

Ghost seemed to be having a bit of a problem, rutting faster and faster but getting no where. His frustration was leaking out and his eyes rolled back, body tensing but not letting him release. He let out a little growl of frustration that broke off into more of a whimper.

Soap squirmed over And, after wiping the blood off of his cock because he wasn’t prepared to go quite that far, sank down. He only managed to bob his head twice.

Ghost came with a harsh groan, head tilting slightly away.

"Happy now?"

"Aye."

"Fucking hell." Ghost grumbled at him before fixing his pants. He looked embarrassed.

"Simon."

"Johnny."

"Stay the night."

Ghost paused the looking for his mask. "You sure that's a good idea?"

"Aye."

[wooahaes]

step forward, steps back

pairing: non-idol!joshua & gn!reader [platonic]

genre: hurt/comfort. writer's vent fic.

word count: 1.2k~

warnings: food (hot chocolate) mention. discussions of past abuse & mentions to sex within that relationship. discussions of current dating and potentially not being ready for it yet. platonic skinship between shua & reader (kisses on the top of the head, a little cuddling, etc). mentions of a trauma response in pattern recognition as an attempt to protect the self. writer is working through feelings rn. reader crying. no proofreading.

daisy's notes: i debated turning off reblogs or not putting this in the tags but if anyone else needs to hear this kind of thing... then i hope it helps. it's okay to not be ready after abuse. i'll struggle with accepting it, but that doesn't mean it's not true.

Joshua's fingers were warm around your own cold ones as he passed you your cup of hot chocolate. He'd known you so, so long now, and still he never seemed surprised that your hands were always a bit cold: you constantly forgot to wear gloves in colder weather, and other times you just seemed to bundle up in other ways when you were chilly. His hands lingered there a bit longer, though, just to make sure the porcelain wasn't about to slip. The look on your face said it all: you needed your best friend right now.

"I added a little bit of cinnamon into it," he settled into the spot next to you, watching the numb way you traced one of your thumbs against the smooth, shiny blue porcelain. This was your mug, always tucked safely away in the back of his cabinets. No one else's. "Sorry there's no whipped cream. I meant to get more, but--"

"I'm really scared."

Something flipped within him immediately, and he shifted. "Did he touch you?" A shake of your head. "Did... Did he say something? Because if he said something--"

"He reminds me of him, Josh." You didn't meet his eyes, still staring down at the mug in your hands instead. It was always easier to not look at Joshua in moments like these. He didn't mind: whatever you needed, you could do. It was his job to listen and support now. "Like... Not in the bad ways. At least, I don't think that's it. But... I don't want to tell him everything because it's early, he doesn't need to know the intricate bullshit of that abuse." With a heavy sigh, your shoulders slumped. "But I can't set boundaries without saying 'hey, this reminds me of that abusive guy I mentioned before,' because it's his personality."

He furrowed his brows. "But..."

"It's kinda fucked up," you shifted, and set down the mug on his coffee table without taking a sip. It'd be there when you were done, and Joshua would warm it back up if he needed to. You tucked your legs underneath you, pulling the blanket he'd draped over your shoulders even closer to you. "But... When I think of that guy... I don't think of all the bad. I mean--He was a manipulative piece of shit, Josh, but that's not all he was. Like..."

"That's how abusers get their victims," he said outright, just so you wouldn't have to. "I know."

Another sigh, followed by you shifting a bit more on his couch. "Right. It's like... It's pattern recognition, I think. It's not something I want, but it's like my brain keeps waving these flags like... Hey, remember the last guy? You felt warm and fuzzy with him, too. He heard me say that no one's called me pretty or beautiful before and he started laying it on thick, too." You shut your eyes. "I know this isn't going in the same direction, because we already had this talk--I don't have to worry about it all just being for sex."

Joshua moved in a little more, arm wrapping around you. His thumb traced down your arm, and he felt you shift closer to him. "Okay. So...?"

"So I know it's all irrational. But... What if... It's all this big sign that I'm not ready to date?"

You stiffened in his arms. It was different saying it out loud, wasn't it? Joshua knew you, he knew the way you would think about things. You'd thought the same thing so, so many times--even when you weren't dating. What if you weren't ready? What if you would never be ready? Therapy wasn't something you could do yet, not without some sort of adjustment to your finances and time and everything that held you back from it all. It was always a one day kind of deal, and it'd never panned out. Life kept getting in the way.

"Then you aren't ready," Joshua said, taking your hands in his own. "And that's okay. You were really hurt by everything, you know. You're allowed to not be ready."

"We weren't even together that long."

"Okay?" Joshua squeezed your hands gently. "And? He still hurt you."

"It was... Mainly just sexual, though."

You were doing it again. Joshua slid a little closer to you, knee pressing against your thigh. "It wasn't and you know that. He listened to you a lot, he made you laugh, he complimented you..." Just so he could keep you in his grasp. He'd heard the story before and committed the details to memory so you wouldn't have to say them again. "Like you just said... It's not all bad because then no one would agree to a relationship with them."

Your breath hitched, and already Joshua was pulling you into his arms as the tears began to flow. He could feel your warm skin against the crook of his neck as you broke into sobs, fingers curling hard around the soft t-shirt he'd donned while lazing around his apartment.

"But I really like him, Shua."

"I know." He rubbed circled onto your back.

You held on tighter. "I'm just so fucking scared."

"I know." He pressed a kiss onto the side of your hair. "Maybe it's not the right time."

"Then when will it be?!" You pulled away just to see his face, tears racing down your cheeks. "When--When will it be the right fucking time?!"

He said nothing, and you broke down yet again before diving into his arms. It's been years was what you wanted to say. He shut his eyes, holding you tighter.

"I know it's not what you want to hear," he said, still rubbing circles onto your back in a slow, soothing motion. "But you should talk to him about it soon. Tell him that you might not be as ready as you thought you were. Okay?"

A quiet nod, and you held onto him tighter. "I don't wanna lose him."

"If he's the kind of guy I think he is..." Joshua's heard so much by now. "... Then he meant it when he said he was okay if this didn't go anywhere. Just..." He nudged you away, taking your face in his hands. "Just don't forget that, okay? It's okay if you try to keep this going and it turns out you're better as friends right now. Just don't shut him out."

You wiped roughly at your face with your sleeves, curling back up in Joshua's warm embrace. "I love you, you know," you mumbled. "I'm glad you're my friend, Joshua."

He chuckled, pressing another gentle kiss onto the top of your head. "Someone has to be the voice of reason when Cheol, Jeonghan, and I start making plans."

With a sniffle, you rolled your eyes. "Yeah, because sometimes those plans involve breaking into the humanities building to put party hats on the statues."

"We didn't do it--"

"Yeah! 'Cause I stopped you!" You rolled your eyes, cheek smushed against his shoulder as you rested your head against it. "Can't believe Cheol of all people knew about the broken window lock..."

He laughed, soft and warm as ever, and rested his head against your own. "Really... I mean it. It's okay to not be ready yet, okay? You're still healing."

With a sigh, you snuggled in further. "Can we just... watch something stupid and make fun of it? I think I need to clear my head now."

Joshua chuckled a little, lightly flicking your forehead after untangling himself from you. "You pick whatever. I'll get the snacks."

no taglist on account of venty feelings

[macgyvermedical]

Hi! For the pharmaceutical history: I'd like to know more about the history of loratadine. (If that one's boring, I'm sorry - I'm just really curious about allergy medicine history) Hope you're doing good!

Loratadine (Claritin, approved in 1988) was not the first nonsedating (second generation) antihistamine, but it wanted to be. Terfenadine (Seldane, from a competing manufacturer, approved in 1985) was the first. And because terfenadine got to the FDA just ahead of loratadine, loratadine was put on the FDA's backburner, delaying it's entrance to the market by over 3 years.

Loratadine made up for this by marketing the absolute sh*t out of their drug. If you were watching TV or reading magazines in the late 80s or early 90s, you probably remember. Loratadine was prescription only at the time. But direct-to-consumer advertising still had rules. By the early 1990's you couldn't have an ad that was selling a drug without a list of the side effects. And when you're trying to sell a non-drowsy antihistamine on the merit that it was non-drowsy, having to list the fact that the #1 side effect was still drowsiness didn't go over so well. This wasn't an issue in print so much- you could make the print about the side effects as small as you wanted, and who was going to read 3-pt font? But you couldn't do the same in a TV spot.

This was a problem for the company selling Claritin. So instead of making TV ads for the DRUG Claritin, they decided to sell the BRAND Claritin instead. So the ads just never said that Claritin was a drug, or what it did. They just said things like "Claritin is the non-drowsy brand" and "ask your doctor about Claritin" and the ever popular "live Claritin clear."

"But Ross," you might be asking yourself, "whatever did Claritin do to sell to the previously untapped market of children as drug consumers? I simply must know!" Well, you're in luck, because in 1998, and this is real, they released a 12-page Batman comic centered around Tim Drake having allergies that interfered with his crimefighting career. All other antihistamines made him too drowsy, so thank goodness he went to his doctor to get a prescription for Claritin!

You might also be wondering how insurance companies felt about having to pay for on-patent allergy medication (spoiler alert, they hated it, just like they hate paying for everything). Well, also in 1998, Anthem (the insurance company) petitioned the FDA to approve Claritin as an over-the-counter medication. If a medication was over the counter, they wouldn't have to pay for the medication, nor would they have to pay for the associated doctor's visits to get prescriptions for the medication. The FDA approved the petition, but it wasn't until 2002, when the patent had expired, that the company that made Claritin finally released an over the counter version. Even today, though, over the counter loratadine is so much more expensive than other second generation antihistamines. I couldn't figure out why this is, or why people keep buying brand name Claritin when there's like 5 other cheaper non-drowsy antihistamines to choose from.

Finally, I'll wrap up by telling you about the fate of terfenadine. See, turns out terfenadine is super cardiotoxic, especially when combined with certain antibiotics. It got taken off the market in 1997 after quite a few people died. It was replaced with fexofenadine, a metabolite of terfenadine without the cardiotoxic properties.

[fayeandknight]

Something I've been chewing over is Forte's work as a service dog, or rather how I utilize him as one.

I put so much time and effort into training him and, aside from the odd outing or event, I really only take him on grocery runs.

Don't get me wrong, he is amazingly helpful to have on them and I've been able to improve my diet because of him. He's also super helpful at home. But a big part of my drive in training a service dog in the first place was to make my world bigger. To give me the ability to do the things I want.

I had that with Faye. We went shopping for clothes so I could wear things that made me feel good about myself instead of just whatever t shirt and leggings were clean. We went to movies and the zoo. Heck I had a membership to the semi local aquarium because of how often I went. And while human company would have been nice, it was so life affirming to be able to enjoy those things on my own terms.

And I really don't do that with Forte. Not because he isn't capable of it, he proves that he is any time I "dust off" his public access skills and go somewhere. Like today I got out of work early so I stopped at the mega mall on the way home, just to see how he'd do and refresh his training in a bigger/busier place. He did amazing. He switched between casual heeling and fmp as directed, ignored the people calling to him, alerted in a timely manner, and after an hour of wandering around - led me to my car in the giant parking lot. And he did it all happily. Nothing bothered him, not the flashing lights of an arcade, not the toy gun range, not the indoor bounce house, none of it.

So why don't I utilize him more?

When I sit myself down and really think through it, it's internalized ablism.

When I lived further from my family I was free from their direct input on deciding to go out and do things with a service dog. Now that I'm with them again, I live with their constant pushback around bringing my service dog. They want to go out to eat, but do I really have to bring him? It's such a hassle and really they're family and that should be enough for me. They want to see a play but there's no need to bring the dog when we're going together. And on and on until somewhere along the way I just started opting out of going because it was easier.

No amount of 'but we're your faaamily' changes my disabilities or benefit of having a service dog. But I've grown so accustomed to anticipating complaints that I talk myself out of going now before they can.

And honestly I'm pretty disappointed in myself to come to this realization. I don't want my life to consist only of home, basic errands, work, and nothing else. I worked so hard to give myself an avenue of independence and I'm wasting it.

So here's my pledge to myself. I will do more. I will go to places and enjoy the world again. I will visit the library and bookstores and cafes more than every once in a blue moon. I will see that really interesting museum exhibit. I will go to the aquarium because I absolutely love it.

I'm going to focus on easing him back into working more frequently out and about and for longer durations first. But I am also going to trust him more to do the job I worked so hard to train him for. The job he shows me he loves at every opportunity.

It's past time to start living life again.

[dear-galileo]

bitty batty baby vigilante crew

There were two kids up on the roof. They couldn’t have been older than ten, but frankly, they looked like babies. The boy had dark hair and a red jacket, while the girl was dressed in all purple with blond hair poking out from under her hood. Jason was pushing himself over the ledge before he could really think about it. What were two kids doing on a rooftop, in the middle of the night, in Gotham? the story of two kids conning their way across gotham, and (mostly) inadvertently into the batman family.

read on ao3!

20k words, gen, young tim and stephanie join the batfamily early

tim drake & stephanie drake & jason todd

written for the @batfam-big-bang! i worked with the ever lovely @kartsie, she made all of the wonderful wonderful art for this fic! heres one piece that she did, you will have to read the rest on ao3 to see more : P or go check her page out because im seriously obsessed with everything she does always

It was a quiet, boring night in Gotham the first time Jason met them. He and B had separated when Catwoman had dropped in, leading a chase that Batman had charged into a bit too excitedly. Jason had cut out as soon as he possibly could have. He didn’t need to be present for whatever weird flirting rituals they had. 

There hadn’t been any recent break-outs in Gotham, and their most recent case had hit a dead end. Jason instead took this time to practice his rooftop jumping. Golden Boy was off on a mission from space, but before he had left, he had promised to take Jason jumping on the subways in Bludhaven, as long as Jason worked on his balance. This just meant that Jason had a justifiable reason to go soaring through Gotham.

He was in the process of reworking his mental map of the city, testing himself on which shortcuts on top of buildings led where. 

B had just radioed in and confirmed that he was still in pursuit of Catwoman, to which Jason jeered at him. 

If nothing interesting happened soon, he was going to go back to the manor. It was summer, which meant that B couldn’t make him go to bed at a “reasonable” time after patrol, which meant he could stay up all night in the library if he wanted to. Jason had just started reading Don Quixote, a story that Alfred had recommended to him. He was just at the part where Quixote had convinced Sancho to join him and—

There was someone on the roof across the street from Jason. He paused, standing up straight from his crouch. There were two someones on the rooftop. They were too small to be Batman and Catwoman, and even from here, he could tell that they weren’t wearing any sort of body armor. They looked… little.

He wouldn’t have seen them if one of the figures hadn’t stood up and done a cartwheel which had immediately caught his attention.  

Jason changed directions. His curiosity was piqued, and with B probably halfway across the city, Jason had the time. He had to use his grapple gun to cross the street, but soon enough he was peering over the edge.

There were two kids up on the roof. They couldn’t have been older than ten, but frankly, they looked like babies. The boy had dark hair and a red jacket, while the girl was dressed in all purple with blond hair poking out from under her hood. 

Jason was pushing himself over the ledge before he could really think about it. What were two kids doing on a rooftop, in the middle of the night, in Gotham?

He heard snippets of their conversation but nothing that was coherent enough to make sense.

They were so consumed in their discussion that they didn’t notice Jason until he was standing only a few feet away from them. 

He purposely let the rooftop gravel crunch under his feet, alerting the kids to his presence. 

They both jumped, the boy making a squeaking noise as the girl leapt into what looked like a defensive pose, slightly crouched in front of her friend.

“What are you two doing up here?” Jason asked, putting his hands on his hips. 

There was no way that he would ever be as scary or as intimidating as B, but he tried to put some force behind his words. Otherwise, no one would ever listen to him. 

When the kids didn’t answer, he took a moment to survey them a bit closer. The girl was wearing elbow pads, while the boy was wearing dingy jeans and light-up sneakers. He also was clutching a large fabric case to his chest and was staring at Jason with wide eyes. 

The girl also looked like she was snarling at him, but Jason decided to kindly ignore that for the time being. 

“Okay, let’s start with a different question. What are your names?” 

The boy and girl exchanged a brief look with each other. 

“I’m-” the boy started, but the girl stamped on his foot hard, making the next part of his statement die in a pained whimper. 

“He’s Shutter. I’m Spoiler. What do you want?” 

Jason took a double take; suddenly, it was all making sense, the cape, the elbow pads, and the dark hood that was pulled low on her face. Oh, God. 

“Please tell me you two aren’t teeny tiny vigilantes. I don’t get paid enough to deal with infant vigilantes. Where are your parents?” 

“Wait, does Batman actually pay you-” Once again, the boy- Shutter, apparently- was cut off by the girl, Spoiler, though this time when she stamped on his foot, he moved out of the way quickly enough. 

“We aren’t tiny! And that’s none of your business!” 

Her voice was high-pitched, but she was loud. They would be lucky if half of Gotham didn’t hear her. 

“Sure, yeah. Let’s make a deal. I won’t tell Batman about your little rooftop excursion, and you kiddies scoot along home.” 

“We don’t have to listen to you!” Spoiler puffed out her chest. Shutter tugged at her cape, holding the black case to his chest. Spoiler leant back just enough for Shutter to whisper something into her ear. “Fine,” she said after a moment. “You never saw us, alright? And don’t try to follow us either. We don’t trust weirdos in bright colors. You may be wearing pants now, but that’s not much of an upgrade.” 

Jason’s jaw dropped in shock. Before he could find a satisfactory comeback, as he was being roasted by a literal kindergartener, his comm clicked on. 

“Robin. Meet me at the Batmobile, or I will have to come to retrieve you.”

“Jeez, B, I know how to use my own legs. Give me a sec; I’m wrapping something up.” Jason sniped back, pressing at his earpiece. Batman’s only response was to grunt before the comms clicked off again. When Jason spun around, the rooftop was empty. There were no tiny vigilantes to be seen. 

Huh. At least that was the end of that. 

read the rest on my ao3!

[storiesofsvu]

Solace in Solitude Ch 2

Emily Prentiss x reader warnings: language, medical/injuries talked about (i googled, don't come for me if they're not 100% right), hurt, minor anxiety, two buttheads not getting along.

You were right, Emily was exhausted. And she was annoyed. Both that she was so tired and that you had been right about it. Not that she expected to be full of energy bounding around the room, she’d just wanted to pull one up on you, prove that you were wrong, that she could and would do better. Instead she’d ended up sleeping most of the rest of the day, her brain still foggy, not fully able to pick up whatever French programs were playing on the television. With her attention lacking, she drifted off more than once, only waking up when a nurse was back in the room prodding at her body again. Her body ached, even just getting out of the bed and making it the eight steps to the bathroom winded her, which of course just made her more tired and even more annoyed.

This whole recovery thing sucked.

At least you weren’t so early on your rounds when you checked in on her today, she was awake, half paying attention to the television, a breakfast tray on the small table at the bedside.

“Morning Valerie.” You greeted with a smile, “how’re you feeling today?”

“Bout the same.” She grumbled.

“Have you managed to get up at all? Even within the room?”

“A couple of times.”

“Good.” You flipped open her chart, checking any additions since you’d left the night prior, “let’s keep that up for a few days and then we can start with trips down the hall, make sure your body’s up to it.”

“I didn’t think you meant it when you said I’d be this tired.”

“Yeah, anaesthesia can be a bitch like that.” You commented, checking a few of her vitals before you eyed the still full tray of breakfast, “not to mention your body needs fuel if it’s going to heal.” You moved back to the foot of the bed, scribbling into her chart, “you need to eat.”

“They’re withholding coffee.” She grumbled, sinking back into the bed.

“And you thought that warranted a hunger strike?” You huffed a laugh, “without a spleen you’re going to need to limit your intake of coffee, among other things. Didn’t a nurse drop off those pamphlets?”

“Yeah.” Her gaze drifted over to the bedside table where they sat untouched, she figured her life was already altered enough she could go another day without knowing every other change she would have to accommodate just to survive.

“Then eat.”

“Would you touch that?” She gestured toward the tray, wincing at the pain in her side as she did and you let out a soft sigh. The tray had a container of applesauce, a banana, a couple pieces of bread, “who eats jello for breakfast?”

“I would if I had just had my spleen and part of my stomach removed and it was advised and instructed by my doctor.” You cocked a brow in her direction as you continued to update her chart, she simply scoffed at you.

A nurse wandered in to check on a couple of things and make sure there was a large fresh bottle of water left on the table. You seamlessly swapped over to French while they were in the room, continuing to check in with Emily about how she was feeling, getting more specific on details and you checked over the stitches on her incision before the nurse finally left.

“Your French is really good.” You commented, readjusting her gown back down and loosely tucking the bedding in before peeling off your gloves, “you speak anything else?”

“I dunno.” She grumbled, rolling to face the window, “am I allowed to talk about that?”

“Ah.” Your lips pursed, holding back a sigh, “well, I’ve got some other patients to see. They can page me if you need anything and I’ll check on you before I leave. And you better have eaten something by then.”

Emily didn’t dare move; she didn’t dare breathe until she was certain the door was shut behind you before she suddenly let out the choke of a breath. Tears welled in her eyes and she couldn’t help as they rolled down her cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away, this didn’t just suck, this was absolutely horrible.

*

She’d barely managed to calm herself down by the next time a nurse came into the room, this time they seemed to be focussed on her breathing and heart rate. Whatever panic soaring through her was being reflected by the machines she’d forgotten she was hooked up to. The nurse talked her down until she felt like she could breathe again and Emily curled up on her side with her back to the door when it was suggested she try to eat something. There was a pit in the deep of her stomach, heavy and lingering, almost creeping through her body with waves of nausea and she was certain that food wouldn’t help with that, no matter what medical professionals said. Reaching out she hit the button to send more pain meds into her IV, the stifled cries and deep breaths sending shooting pains through her side, her hand gingerly clutching where the stitches were, moving to rub softly at the ache in her ribs. She didn’t want to be doing this, didn’t want to be here especially not like this, without someone by her side. The longer she was conscious the more memories she found were coming back to her, she could see the haze of Derek hovering over her as he pleaded for her to hang on. Penelope’s voice strangled with sorrow on the voicemail she’d left. If it hadn’t been for you mentioning a blonde she would’ve thought she was going crazy, that her mind was sending her some kind of guardian angel in the form of JJ while the ambulance sired blared, she could almost feel her hand in hers.

It had already been over three weeks and she couldn’t help but wonder if her team was already beginning to forget her. If she would be nothing but a long lost memory to them by the time she was finally able to get out of here. She caught herself spiraling, wondering if she ever actually would be allowed out of here, if she’d ever get the chance to go home, maybe this was supposed to be home permanently now.

*

You spent the majority of your day switching between the ER and the OR, there had been a couple of call ins of other doctors so you were actually kept relatively busy. A handful of smaller injuries, stitches to be done, tests to run to rule out worse conditions before sending them back home or off to a different specialty, an easy appendectomy to spice up your day with a little bit of surgery. You got outside for your lunch break, thankful to breathe the fresh air without the smell of hospital for an hour, it always helped you relax a little bit more. You’d been thumbing your way through a novel with the intention of getting a chapter or two in over the break but the words were all starting to blend together. After countless amounts of paperwork in French your brain was starting to not want to comprehend it anymore, practically begging to revert back to English. So you let out a soft sigh and closed the book, hopefully your afternoon would involve more cutting than paperwork.

Reluctantly, you returned back inside the hospital, checking through a few charts before you got called off to another surgery, thankful that you could immerse yourself into that and not have to worry about anything else for the next few hours. There were no issues, the patient pulling through perfectly before being sent off to recovery and you headed back to the nurses station to finish up on a few things. You made sure the chart was updated with details from the last surgery and assigned a nurse to keep watch on them overnight in case anything popped up.

The day was winding down and everyone could feel it, the extra excitement buzzing through the air thanks to it being Friday, chatter of weekend plans, date nights, family outings all around you. You were going through your patients charts to see how everyone had faired through the day and if there was anything you’d need to check up on before taking off, adding in notes here and there, signing off that you’d seen them. Across from you a few of the other doctors were wrapping up their own things, asking if the others were doing something that evening. When the resounding answer was no there was an invite for drinks, one that extended to another nurse as they walked up to the desk. Your eyes flitted up briefly but the group was so wound up in each other they barely even glanced your way and you huffed quietly. While everyone here was professional and approachable enough, they’d help out if you had questions or needed something but there was absolutely no interest when it didn’t happen within the four walls of the hospital. You’d been rather friendless for the past three weeks and you highly doubted that was going to change anytime soon.

Emily’s chart was the last one in your pile, the last thing you had to go through before you achieved freedom. Naturally, that became a bigger obstacle than you’d been hoping for. As you read through the updates from her day and checked through things you let out a frustrated groan, letting the chart fall shut before you tossed it back into the rack. Just as you pocketed your phone you heard someone speaking French but this time, actually directed to you.

“Your VIP girl?”

“Yeah.” You grumbled back in the same language, “turns out the ‘p’ is for pain in my ass.” They chuckled,

“Sucks. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Gracing them with a friendly smile and a small wave you turned from the counter, wandering down to Emily’s room. As per usual, the door was shut, thinking maybe killing with kindness would help you gently knocked, waiting a moment before slipping into the space. Emily’s eyes flicked up from the book in her lap, practically glaring you down as the door swung shut behind you.

“Great. What’d you want?” She grumbled, looking back down to the book.

“You to realize that dumping your uneaten breakfast in the bathroom garbage doesn’t go unnoticed by the nurses.”

“Maybe if they weren’t so nosy.”

“Valerie you need to eat.” You let out a quiet sigh, folding your arms onto the table at the foot of her bed, “I know you might not be hungry yet but your body needs nutrients to heal properly, even if it’s just a couple of bites at a time.”

“Whatever.”

“You know, we see this a lot in people who have gone through traumas, that’s part of the reason I pushed for someone to come down from psych today.”

“That was you!?” Her gaze shot up to you, cutting you off instantly as she glared you down, her voice hardening as she spoke, “you sent in the shrink? Why would I need a shrink?! You’re being ridiculous.”

“I get that you’re upset, but you really don’t need to be mad at me about following hospital policy. It’s standard procedure for patients like yourself. At the very least, just let me make sure the paperwork reflects that we’re doing the right thing?”

“Paperwork said he was here, he was here. Believe me.”

“Okay.” You held up your hands in submission, “normally we do wait a week or so depending on everything else but considering the whole food thing I thought it might be worthwhile. Clearly I pushed too soon.”

“Yeah. You did.” She glared, “I’m fine.”

“Well… for what it’s worth I do think it’s a pretty good idea for you to talk to someone.” You stated, readjusting your stance against the table.

“Oh? So what, now you’re gonna shrink me?”

“Not my specialty.” You shrugged, “but if you decide to open up to me then so be it. Otherwise I can put the call in to psych and have someone come down again when you’re ready.”

“You want me to open up? Really?”

“That’s the general idea of talking to a shrink, yeah.” You nodded and her eyes narrowed in your direction, you could see the tension building in her body as she spoke.

“And how exactly am I supposed to do that when I’m supposed to pretend that I died a month ago? You want me to talk to someone about what happened that night but half my medical records are redacted, destroyed or simply don’t exist. When I woke up this morning? I couldn’t even remember the name that was on my hospital band, and you want me to be able to twist up some weird fake stories to help my mental state?!” Her voice shook, the raw emotion starting to break her cool façade, and she took a heavy breath, dropping back into the bed, “you say it was a car accident, it was a car accident.” She held up her hands to signal that that was it, “I clearly had a head injury, I don’t remember the details and I’m not about to do a cognitive interview on myself, okay?”

She picked up the book again but you could tell her eyes weren’t focussing on the words and you could see the shimmering of tears in them, knowing just how frustrated she felt. Emily truly didn’t understand how this was supposed to be helping, she just had to keep shoving everything down until this was all over, she was good at that, she could do that, but not if you kept prying into her life and shattering the illusion that it was going to be okay.

“Well,” you let out a sigh, “then I guess if you’re ever ready to talk, you really are stuck talking to me.” She didn’t reply, keeping her gaze on the book as she did her best to ignore you so you pushed off the table, “if you’re not gonna talk at least do me a favour and eat something. If you haven’t by the next time I see you I’m putting in a feeding tube, understood?”

“Sac a merde.” She muttered and you let out a small laugh.

“I’m fluent, remember?”

“Vai a fotterti.”

“Ah, Italian, now we’re getting creative.” This time she did look up, a glare still on her face as you pulled the door open, “eat your dinner.”

With that last warning you were gone from the room and Emily was left to let out an angry growl, tossing the book onto the bedside table. There was still a pit in her stomach but this one was beginning to gnaw away at her and she was starting to think maybe it was hunger related. She picked up the bottle of water to take a couple of sips, her eyes landing on the brochures one of the nurses had brought by earlier. Maybe if she read through them she’d understand what was going on with her body a little better, maybe it would make this easier.

*

Unlocking the door to your apartment you let out a sigh of relief, kicking off your shoes as you entered the code for the security system. You’d picked up dinner on the way home, you couldn’t be bothered to cook, not now, not with the limited amount of mental energy you had left. You needed a drink. A stiff one.

Keys were dropped on the counter along with your bag and dinner before you disappeared into your bedroom to change out of work clothes. Once you were cozy in a pair of shorts and a tank you padded through the apartment, tidying up a couple of things you’d left out during the busy work mornings. You pulled down a wine glass, filling it higher than usual with merlot, scooping up your phone and food to take out onto the balcony. This was one of your saving graces, the nightly ritual that had been to unwind out in the cooling air, taking in the views of the city as the sun sunk in the sky. It calmed you down after long days at the hospital and you certainly needed it tonight. This entire project had been one you’d been apprehensive of from the start but you’d at least had time to let things sink in, to get used to the new routine in a new place. It had been considerably easier when Emily was still unconscious and you let out a groan at the thought of having to deal with her again in the morning.

A chorus of laughter burst from down in the street below and you felt a wave of melancholy shoot through you, thinking about the others from work out on the town tonight. You understood being on the outside and you understood why you were, but it would be a lie to say that some nights it didn’t get a little lonely. You’d thought that maybe you and Emily would’ve bonded over that, being trapped in a life that you didn’t necessarily want. That you’d be friends, have each other’s backs until this whole thing was over. You took a hefty swig of wine, shaking your head at yourself, at how naïve and ridiculous you’d been. She wasn’t going to be your friend, that was for sure, it was almost like she blamed you for waking up in Paris, like you had personally made the call and lugged her halfway around the world yourself. Your gaze drifted out onto the horizon, watching the last few rays of sunlight dancing through the sky as you let out a small sigh. You’d let her keep playing the victim card a little longer, after all, she did have the reason to be miserable. You knew she’d tire out of it eventually and come around, it would just be a test of willpower to see how long it would take her to cave.

At least you weren’t trapped in a hospital bed. You had some sense of freedom around the city, a freedom she was likely jealous of and that certainly wasn’t helping things. Hopefully things would change once she was discharged.

________________

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