#has been killed or hurt

[carolperkinsexgirlfriend]

Steddie Upside-Down AU Part 60

Part 1 Part 59

The party is already in full swing by the time they pull up. Drunk high schoolers out on the lawn wearing more thought-out costumes than he and Eddie had managed. Their plans before Nancy accosted them in the hallway involved a pizza and a couple tapes from Family Video that Eddie swears he has to see.

It'd been Eddie’s idea; he’d shrugged on one of Steve’s preppy polos – his words, not Steve’s – and one of his acid-wash jeans, and pristine white sneakers, and called it good. Steve had gone along with the concept for lack of a better idea. He’d chosen his favorite Metallica shirt (the one with the hole in the armpit), a pair of Eddie’s black jeans, and Eddie's leather jacket. Eddie had grabbed his battle vest, pushing Steve's arms through it like he was a small child. It’d still been warm from Eddie’s own back.

To finish the look, Eddie had slid each ring off his fingers, matching them perfectly with their usual placements on his own hands. There was something about the way Eddie's hands felt, sliding up the vulnerable sides of Steve's fingers that made him shiver, goosebumps breaking out along his arms.

Eddie's hands had looked bare, almost risqué in their nakedness. Even now, while being packed in at all sides, Steve can't help looking down at them. He wants to push Eddie's hands into his jean pockets, hide the vulnerability of it from everyone else. He doesn't.

Almost the instant they walk through the door, Hargrove shouts, “King Bitch!” holding up his drink, as if to toast Steve’s arrival.

Tommy’s at his side, laughing like no one had ever said anything that funny in his life. Eddie’s fingers tighten around his wrist as he pulls him along.

Barbara and Nancy are hovering around the punch bowl, laughing. Nancy takes a sip of something that looks disturbingly red from her red plastic cup, and Barbara, while empty-handed, looks far happier than she had at Steve’s party all those months ago.

"Looks like they didn't need us at all!" Eddie calls loudly over the music.

Eddie’s bare fingers sneak under his sleeve to caress the skin of his inner wrist. Steve clenches his fist, relaxes it, wonders if Eddie can feel the flexing of his tendons beneath his palm.

“You came!” Nancy calls, handing her drink off to Barbara with a roll of her eyes, as she throws herself at both of them, wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders and pulling them into her smaller frame. She looks down at the pair of them, brow furrowed. “What are you two even wearing?”

The angle hurts his back, even more so when he turns his head to raise an eyebrow at Eddie, who’s already doing the same. “Well, you see,” Eddie says, trying to eel out of her arms with little to no success. “I’m dressed as the king, and Steve’s my noble jester, of course!”

Nancy opens her mouth, looking up at him with a bitchy expression, but Steve interrupts her, “I said we would.” He says it loud enough to be heard over the thrumming music.

“Are you drunk?” Eddie asks, looking at Nancy with befuddlement. Steve can’t blame him. Nancy’s behavior toward him can usually be called catty at best. Not that Eddie doesn’t usually give as good as he gets, but it’s still bizarre to see Nancy’s arm wrapped so familiarly around him.

“No!” Nancy yells, at the same time Barbara says, “yes,” with an exasperated sigh.

“I only had two drinks. When she pulls out of the embrace, she’s already pouting. “I only had two drinks.

Steve holds his hand out toward Barbara, who hands over Nancy’s drink, even as the other girl complains. Steve takes a tentative sip, curious. It goes down like battery acid. It makes him lightheaded and queasy instantaneously. Probably just from the fumes.

“What the fuck is that?” he asks, sputtering. He rubs his tongue with his fingers, hoping to scrub the remnants of that taste off his tongue for good. Eddie’s hand, where it’s still wrapped around his wrist, nudges against his chin.

“It’s pure fuel,” Barbara replies, laughter audible in her tone, even as Nancy nods enthusiastically.

Steve, still grimacing at the lingering taste, drops his hand, rubbing his saliva off on his borrowed pants. “That’s rancid.”

“This is what the Kingdom has fallen to without their King,” Eddie says with a sigh. For some reason, his cheeks are pink, like he’d been the one drinking that garbage.

Steve shrugs, “Carol always used to mix the drinks.”

“Of course, she did,” Eddie says, rolling his eyes.

Barb nods in agreement, but Steve had made the mistake of handing Nancy back her drink, so she was immediately long-sufferingly trying to corral her friend to stop drinking.

Steve flows into the groove of partying quickly. He fades into the music, smiles at his friends, lets the waves flow over him. He’s happy, with Eddie by his side, and friends coming in and out of view.

Enter: Jonathan Byers.

Steve’s breathing picks up, and suddenly the pack of bodies is suffocating. He can feel sweat slick his forehead, and his vision goes a little fuzzy along the edges. He pushes past bodies with no regard, ignoring the startled complaints that follow in his wake.

Steve grabs the lapel of Jonathan’s shirt in both fists, like a kid afraid of losing his Mom in the store. And he is; he’s afraid.

“Where’s Will?” he asks, pulling Jonathan’s t-shirt, stretching out the collar around his neck.

Jonathan’s eyes widen. He reaches out, covering Steve’s hands on his shirt and squeezing. “He’s fine,” Jonathan says. “He’s trick-or-treating with his friends.” There are spots in Steve’s eyes. “Breath, dude.”

Steve inhales, ragged and aching. “You didn’t go with them?”

Before Jonathan can answer, Eddie is there, big palms on Steve’s shoulder, squeezing. He leans forward, whispers in Steve’s ear. “Let’s go outside, sweetheart.”

Steve nods, letting Eddie lead him past the throng of partygoers, pulling Jonathan along as well by the hem of his shirt, still clutched in one of Steve’s fists hard enough to hurt.

They emerge out on Tina’s back porch. It’s dark, but the fresh air hits Steve and his lungs finally expand.

“Jonathan?” Steve asks, wheezy and breathless.

Jonathan meets his eyes, quickly pulling something out of his pocket. When Steve looks down, it’s a walkie-talkie, the same kind the party is so fond of using.

“He begged me to go with his friends,” Jonathan says, talking fast like he’s afraid Steve will punch him if he doesn’t get the words out quickly enough. Or pass out on him. “I told him he’d have to radio in every half hour, on the dot, or I’d call Hop.”

Steve breaths in, breaths out, feels Eddie’s hand steadying the small of his back. “And he has been?” Steve asks.

Jonathan nods, slow, like any sudden movements will spook Steve.

“Well, then!” Eddie says, massaging Steve’s shoulders quick and dirty a few times until Steve melts into his hands. Steve’s bereft when he drops his hands to join their impromptu circle. Eddie digs around in Steve’s pocket, pulling out a pristine joint with a quirked brow. “I think some of us could maybe chill the fuck out right about now.”

Steve rolls his eyes when Eddie looks pointedly his way, but dutifully swipes the joint from Eddie’s hand. He slides it in his mouth, feels it stick to the inside of his lip as he leans forward for Eddie to light it.

The first hit sends him coughing. Jonathan claps his back companionably as he passes the joint to him. Jonathan, suspiciously, doesn’t cough at all. Neither does Eddie, but that’s to be expected.

A few more rounds of puff puff pass, and Steve’s so relaxed he flows onto the ground. Eddie laughs, passes the joint to Jonathan, and plops down beside Steve, patting his thigh.

Eddie’s smiling down at him in a way that makes Steve’s stomach populate with butterflies by the handful. He looks teasing, like he’s thinking of the best thing to say. Steve suddenly knows he’s going to speak and then he does. “Are you alright down there, princess?” he asks. “All calmed down?”

He swallows his desert-dry mouth and hopes his voice comes out clear. God forbid he fucks up so badly Eddie invites Jonathan to warm his bed instead. “Yeah,” he says, throat cracking around the word. In a bid to redeem himself, Steve clears his throat, swirling his spit around to help rehydrate. “I can see the future?” he says, voice lilting upward at the end like it’s a question.

Eddie leans forward, hand patting Steve’s cheek gently. It feels nice. Steve leans into the touch. “Are you serious?” he asks. “Is this another superpower thing?”

Steve wobbles one of his hands together in a wishy-washy gesture that his brain gets caught in. It feels nice, the stagnant night’s air smacking against his palm so he does it faster, smiling.

“He’s just high,” Jonathan says, turning just enough that Steve can see the bottom of his chin. He looks weird from down below. Gargantuan.

Eddie flops gracelessly beside him, burrowing the back of his head into Steve’s ribs. “Damn, so you can’t see the future?” he asks, whining. “We could use another Supergirl.”

Steve’s too busy watching Jonathan to argue over not knowing any supergirls again. Jonathan’s leaning against the railing, and Steve knows, suddenly, that he’s going to take another drag from the dwindling remnants of the joint. And then he does.

“I can see three seconds into the future,” he says wonderingly, still smiling.

Eddie burrows his head harder into Steve’s ribs until Steve brings his hand up to pet clumsily through his hair. “Ugh, you got my hopes up.”

“I’m a supergirl.”

Jonathan and Eddie are laughing at him, but Steve’s looking up at the shitty overhang above Tina’s wonderous porch and wishing it was gone. He wants to see the sky, the stars splashing out above him. He wants to pluck them from the sky and put them, still flaming, into Eddie’s hair.

He wants.

Something answers his wishes. The overhang is gone, rotted away from above him so the white specks can rain down on his face. He holds up his hand, hoping it’ll be cold enough for snow. Even with the red sky, even with Eddie gone from beside him, Steve hopes.

But when he brings it down to his eyes, the stuff smears along his palm, just like ash. Maybe he can’t see into the future. He would’ve seen this.

He would’ve predicted the way the shadows stripe themselves across his face, blotting out all the red in the worst way possible. He would’ve predicted the way that thing seems to move without moving at all.

He didn’t.

Steve sobs, just once. And then, Steve does what he does best: he runs.

Part 61

Taglist: @deany-baby @estrellami-1 @altocumulustranslucidus @evillittleguy @carlprocastinator1000 @1-8oo-wtfbro @hallucinatedjosten @goodolefashionedloverboi @newtstabber @lunabyrd @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @manda-panda-monium @disrespectedgoatman @finntheehumaneater @ive-been-bamboozled @harringrieve @grimmfitzz @is-emily-real @dontstealmycake @angeldreamsoffanfic @a-couchpotato @5ammi90 @mac-attack19 @genderless-spoon @kas-eddie-munson @louismeds @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @pansexuality-activated @ellietheasexylibrarian @nebulainajar @mightbeasleep @neonfruitbowl @beth--b @silenzioperso @best-selling-show @v3lv3tf0x @bookworm0690 @paintsplatteredandimperfect

[s0fter-sin]

something happening on a mission, something personal that has soap spiralling; panic and rage making him reckless, thoughtless, and ghost has to draw the line

“you’re compromised johnny; you know what that means?”

“you’re not pulling me out,” soap immediately snarls. he turns on him and ghost barely recognises him; venomous fear turning his eyes to unyielding ice. "you're not sidelining me; i need to be in this-!"

but ghost has never been afraid of venom; spat or dripped straight from bared fangs.

he snakes out a hand grip the back of his neck, jerking him in a rough shake. "if you can't think, you can't be a soldier," he growls and he flinches like he's been struck.

his lips quiver as they twist in a sneer and he wrenches, trying to free himself of his hold.

ghost doesn't let him.

"it means you give your body to me because your head ain't fucking attached to it anymore."

soap stills, body trembling beneath his hand as he sucks in shaking breaths.

he tightens his grip, pulling him closer and digs his forehead hard into his. “it means you give yourself to me so i can have the weapon that you are and use you the way you're meant to be used."

the ice in soap's eyes fractures.

ghost’s voice drops to a whisper, spoken only to johnny, not this facade of vengeance and pain, and wills it to reach him through the glaciers.

“so i can keep you safe ‘til it’s done and i can bring you back.”

[dovewingkinnie]

au where evan finds out what william did to cassidy

[ariadne-mouse]

Still thinking about just how deep in it Liliana Temult is. Like in the eyes of the narrative she went from

absent & possibly dead, very sad -> alive just estranged?? mysterious! -> possibly involved in a cult, tragic, can her daughter reach her? -> uncomfortably high up in said cult -> the cult's goddamn General and striking such terror into the local population of the Ruidus that they are afraid of even her appearance or someone who looks like her

Ordinary people who are trying to resist the dictatorial Imperium/Ruby Vanguard alliance and their iron control of the populace are terrified of her. You don't strike terror just by "being there". Terror happens because of actions. And it leaves us to wonder what exactly Liliana Temult has done during her time on the moon to make the citizens fear her so much.

[bread-wizards]

Love Laudna wanting Orym to be the one to cut her down if need be because she feels he can make hard choices, and Travis like "uh hello? What about Chetney? You want to put Orym through that anguish? I am right here" like damn, he right tho

[millidew]

slay the princess + togachako. anything is possible <3

(hey. click for princess shigaraki)

[shaxza]

[dayurno]

this is somewhat of a vent post & something i said i would not do again but has been plaguing me enough that i think getting it out might feel better. so. has anydoggy else been. Baffled and upset by nora sakavic’s refusal to speak on how terribly aftg has treated its characters of color? with the author of the series coming back with a new book and starting up on her online activity again, and questions of what she’d change about aftg bubbling up, it’s particularly glaring to me that we are all playing this very long game of pretend where we ignore how badly the non-white cast has been treated & her lack of thoughts on it

and i understand not wanting to bring up nicky and thea because people pick on her for it. i’m not trying to discredit nora sakavic’s terrible history of getting harrassed online by aftg fans. but i think it is very cynical, and it is very juvenile, and most of all very cruel, that she gets to ignore the very real ways the books have set up these characters to be hated. i think it’s obvious why the characters who get the most hate are the only canonical characters of color, and i think we do not get to treat this like a deliberate decision on the fandom’s part when the books have put these same characters in degrading and embarrassing and terrible positions in the first place. aftg is not a story about nice characters with clean pasts, but there is a very specific nastiness to the only characters of color being a brown man who sexually harasses and later assaults the main character, a black woman whose only scene is her lashing out at her love interest after being ignored for the first two books, and the japanese villain who gets maybe two lines of complexity before he goes back to being a terrible person. the white cast, in comparison, while not at all free from flaws, are never shown to commit mindless evil; all of their actions are ultimately justified. the book goes out of its way to give them concession after concession. we know exactly who to side with, because aftg tells us who these people are. does nicky’s assault ever get addressed in the books? does riko’s reasoning to be the way that he is ever gets more than briefly aluded to? is thea reserved even a shred of humanity or grace in her one scene?

anyway. it’s been years of talking about this and the fandom has been constantly hostile to criticism in this regard, and more recently any criticism at all, and it’s Grating to be on the other side of this discussion. it’s exhausting to know that in ten years we do not get even an acknowledgment besides the author saying she will not answer questions about nicky and thea anymore. it’s upsetting and it’s ugly and i wish no one had to talk about this again, but we do because what i thought was common sense has been washed away by a sudden influx of no-nuance adoration for the trilogy. basically i hope we all explode

[lagosbratzdoll]

This is a very very unfinished thought but I've been thinking a lot as I reread the books about how the women of House of the Dragon don't really get catharsis and how that'll likely be worse in S2. Say what you want about asoiaf but a number of named women there experience catharsis.

They kill their abusers (Lysa, Cersei, Dany). They regain some agency after a violation (Lysa, Cersei, Lady Stoneheart, Dany), and they refuse to forgive the people complicit in their subjugation (Lysa, Cersei, Dany, Lady Stoneheart, Jeyne Westerling).

Obviously, three or four isn't enough in such an expansive cast of characters but the point remains that they claw back their autonomy however they have to. They're allowed to be angry, bitter, unforgiving and cruel to their abusers in a way women in House of the Dragon just aren't allowed. They're allowed grief, grief that is violent and destructive.

The women of House of the Dragon don't get angry. They stand around and stare plaintively at the camera, they cry prettily, and they plead for peace and non-violence. They suffer and suffer and suffer and there's no relief.

[kizzer55555]

Dan is not a hero, so will the Justice league PLEASE leave him alone?!

When Dan was born, he isn’t just Danny. He’s also half Vlad, which means when he was created their obsessions combined. Danny’s obsession is protection but Vlad’s obsession is family. A ghost’s obsession develops based on how the ghost acts after they are born, what they latch onto, what they like. It usually takes a few weeks to fully form which is why ghosts can have such different obsessions. Danny’s obsession became protection due to his constant actions of protecting people. Vlad’s obsession became to create a family as that is all he thought about during his hospital visits. To make a family with Maddie. Dani even developed her obsession with freedom after she went out exploring. And once an obsession is created, it cements the ghost’s instincts to follow it. That this is what the ghost must continue doing to survive. To get stronger.

But Dan didn’t have that time. He was combined with two ghosts that already had fully formed obsessions, and so those obsessions merged with each other. Dan’s obsession is to protect his family, but by the time it formed, his family was already gone. And that…really messes with a ghost.

Vlad thought that Dan had gone evil because of his evil ghost side. But in reality, it was due to the loss of an obsession. In his initial madness upon formation, he ended up killing Danny. The only person he might have considered family. As for Vlad, the fruitloop hated himself so much that even if part of his ghost, part of his soul, was within Dan, it wouldn’t recognize him as family. And Danny’s ghost half certainly wouldn’t. And when a ghost looses their obsession, they go mad.

All Dan had left, was his own life. He wasn’t truly an older version of Danny. He was something new created from half of two souls. He had parts of both Vlad and Danny. Where Danny was stubborn, Vlad was cunning. Where Danny might feel uncomfortable with social interaction with his peers, Vlad would put on a mask or try to seem more threatening when stressed. He had fragments of their memories but none of the emotional attachment unless it was connected to his obsession. So when a younger him came to his future timeline, all Dan focused on was making sure he would still be created.

And then he lost.

But loosing wasn’t the end. He eventually managed to be free of his cage and sent through therapy (Likely curtesy of Jazz who felt it wrong to keep him trapped forever). And Dan was forced to go through therapy until he eventually got to the point where ok…fine he won’t kill anyone (as long as they don’t attack him first). It also helped that his obsession madness was wearing off. Now that he had his family again, and they were safe, it eased off a bit of the pressure, allowing him to think again.

But now he didn’t know what to do. For the first time in a while, Dan was free. But it wasn’t like he could indulge his obsession. Maddie and Jack hated ghosts and since he’s technically made of two ghost halves, he wasn’t a halfa and couldn’t take a human form or just walk up to them. Moreover, he wasn’t Danny or Vlad so could he truly consider them family?

That’s when he started interacting with Phantom. It was small at first, just checkups to see how his therapy was going or Dan even sneaking into Fenton works to watch what was happening because she was bored. Eventually, they got a bit closer and developed a sibling like relationship (if Dan was a prickly older brother who refused to show he cared) and his obsession latched onto Danny. For a while, Dan was in denial of this. The kid a twerp, only half the power he was (ignoring the fact that the kid beat him) and full of human emotion and teenage drama. So Dan tried to limit his visits. Only coming every month or so. The other time kinda wandering the zone and getting into fights.

And then one day he came to visits only to see a scene from his nightmares.

(Warning for gore)

It was dead quite, the lab covered in green blood, various organs preserved on jars or just lying on the surrounding lab tables. Scalpels, syringes, and other tools dripping green. And on the center of the lab, strapped to a table, was a small blue orb.

Dan knew what a core looked like. He had ripped out enough in his previous timeline to know that they should not be that dim. That they should not have cracks running down their surface, and that they absolutely should not have chunks gouged out of their sides. It barely looked like an orb anymore but there, Dan could faintly feel the energy of a young ghost. And he knew exactly who this core belonged to.

So Dan did the only think he could think of. He took his little brother’s core and ran.

Dan had no idea how to heal a broken core, and Danny’s core (his soul) felt room temperature which couldn’t mean anything good for an ice core. It was also severely lacking in ectoplasm (Dan refused to think of all the green splattered across the lab. This was also the day he decided that NO, the Fentons would not be considered family).

A normal core would have melted down into goop by now with all the damage it sustained. It was likely only still ‘alive’ due to Danny’s halfas status. There was no known cure or medical procedure for this. The only thing Dan could do was place the core within himself, nestled right next to his own core in an attempt to absorb his access ectoplasm and get stronger. But that wouldn’t be enough. A ghost needed to fulfil their obsession to get stronger. But Danny was unable to protect anyone in his current state. Which meant there was only one option. Dan would have to act like a host and fulfil the obsession for him. Which meant Dan would have to feed his brother….by…saving people…

Oh joy….

And thus begins Dan’s various attempts of heroism against his will. He is incredibly efficient and powerful but he looks like he hates every moment of it and might even be scowling at the people he saved. Moreover, he can’t even kill anyone! Killing is the opposite of protecting and wouldn’t help his brother heal so he has to restrain himself. (And when he attempts to smile, it looks so forced and with such sharp teeth that people become even more scared). The justice league have no idea what to do with this unknown.

He’s not a villain (they don’t think?). Just some overpowered guy who is saving a bunch of people (and even the heroes themselves) but has the prickliest personality you can imagine. Dan is not a people person. Add onto that him trying to escape Vlad’s attempts to ‘help’ (he doesn’t trust that fruitloop as far as he can throw him). And resisting going anywhere near the Fentons. As much as he wants to seek vengeance against them for what they did, he doesn’t want them near Danny and there is nothing that could make him drop his brother’s core somewhere else. It’s safest with him. The Fentons haven’t even realized Danny is missing. So this is basically just Dan forced to be a hero and he hates every second of it (but would do anything to protect his baby brother). And Dan maybe sort of befriending rogues and heroes (or them trying very hard to befriend him).

He is a loner. He does not like company, and he is incredibly self conscious when powerful people get near him and his precious cargo.

One day, they might realize Dan doesn’t enjoy being a hero or even really care about the people he saves (despite his meticulousness when it comes to getting everyone out alive). And if they ask, he could say he saves people because he’s selfish which just makes them more confused (or he says he has his own reasons).

Dan basically acts like a wet stray cat around everyone. (A cat with a kitten). He won’t attack them, but he will make it very clear that he does not like them (despite saving their lives multiple times) and he will not respond to their affections. It’s his fault the Justice league misunderstand his actions. He’s only doing it to heal his brother (not that he will ever tell them) but now the Justice league just think he’s a tsundere. Trying to hide that he cares.

No, Dan literally could not care less. Seriously, please leave him alone.

Later, much later, something happens where Dan takes a hit that affects his core/ectoplasm and he freaks out. The Justice league might not understand why until he takes out a second core and checks it over like a mother hen, hissing and snarling at anyone who gets close. This core is unlike anything the magic users have ever seen. They know what a core is, they know it’s a soul. To see one so damaged, it’s nauseating. (Dan is either freaking out for nothing or is actively trying to save the core that was dying in his hands and has to trust his magic user teammates/sort-of-maybe-but-not-yet friends to save him).

When everything is over, they ask who the core belongs to. It has to be someone Dan cares about. Ghosts don’t normally protect or try to care for other cores (it’s usually survival of the fittest) and Dan didn’t seem like the caring type. So they ask despite Dan trying to ignore their questions or brush them off. Eventually, he caves and drops the bombshell that it’s his little brother (and either admits it was their parents who did this to him or just the ‘Fenton’ scientists) and that he became a hero to try and replenish his brother’s strength since he’s a spirit of protection. He explains about cores and obsessions. How his brother’s obsession is protection and his obsession is to keep his family safe.

The Justice league’s hearts break.

Also, Ellie is in this and also has a sibling like relationship with Danny although is a bit distant with Dan (since they remind each other too much of Vlad to be comfortable) and they work together to try and bring Danny back and care for him. Ellie knows how to make ecto dejecto and tries to bring some. Also, in this au, Danny isn’t the ghost king. He’s just a normal ghost. So Dan will fight other ghosts to keep him safe.

Would it be funny if Ellie basically treats Dan as if he’s fragile? Like, she knows Dan is carrying Danny’s core so she’s like “why don’t you lay down?” “Are you eating alright?” “Be careful in that fight!” But at the same time, she’s constantly getting on his nerves and doing everything in her power to annoy him or just doesn’t seem interested in his life. The Justice league are very confused by their interactions. Especially when they see Dan take on an entire army single handedly. Dan hates the hovering even though he understands why she does it. (And when the Justice league realize Dan is carrying his brother’s core they might hover too.)

[vaugarde]

im abt to rb a post on this anyways but tbh i dont know how you can finish isat and go “siffrin wasnt punished enough”.

the fella has killed themselves several times, what more do you want from him?

[ancha-aus]

RealAgeAU - Doctor Visit

*whispers* pppssssttt @spotaus the next one is here :3

First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble

We do have a warning for this one though, as it will refer child abuse, mental and physical. And wounds and what comes with it.

I am not going to make it graphic but if it bothers you please be careful with reading :)

Otherwise no beta or edits. I write these in one go and just let them live :D

Fun fact, this was originally going to be a Dust pov chapter but I realised that Ngihtmare pov would be more interesting! Also fun fact!! This was suposed to be a lot shorter but then i got typing and i realised some characters were not going to accept certain things without a good explanation and well... here we are.... i regret nothing.

*-------------------*

Nightmare pulls on his shirt as he looks down at it.

Cross hums "Nervous?"

Ngihtmare huffs and shrugs. Yes. but he doesn't want to say so.

Cross gently rubs his spine through the shirt "Yeah I get it. I never liked my health backups either."

Nightmare frowns but feels a bit less stupid about not wanting this health check. It is just stupid! His four... his four already check his old wounds! There is a reason they don't let him bath alone.

Nightmare finally finds the right words and mutters "It is just... not needed... You guys check them."

Cross is silent before Nightmare yelps as he is picked up easily. He shoots Cross a glare but Cross just keeps smiling and hugs him close with a purr "We get it Night. But we are worried too. We need to make sure that everything really is healing as we think it is. None of us are medical professionals." Cross smiles at him "please?"

Nightmare shrugs as he leans into the hold. It is nice. comfortable and warm. He hadn't realised how much he had missed hugs and being held. Last time anyone wanted to hug him this much was when he still lived with Dream and even Dream's hugs had been short or more of just leaning. His four just, hold him for as long as they like. Which can go on for the whole day.

It is nice.

Cross nuzzles his skull "And you won't be alone. Dust will be with you the whole time."

Nightmare nods. He ahd asked the day before why just Dust. Dust had explained they had agreed it would be for the best to just have one of them there to keep an eye on it. Killer hadn't wanted to get attention on him because of his soul and Horror had had much the same reason. His skull may look like a mess but it is very stable. Neither had wanted to take the focus away from Nightmare as he, according to them, needed it most.

And with Cross now again admitting health checks make him nervous. It is no wonder it would be Dust.

Nightmare gives a slow nod "true..." and you can't remove Dust unless he wants to be removed. Nightmare had known that since he first met the other skeleton.

Cross nods and smiles "See? Perfectly okay." he stands up and Nightmare gets lifted wiht him. Nightmare for his part just grabs hold on Cross's shirt to stay steady as they leave their attic.

The week they had been here is honestly amazing. Nightmare gets to relax more and read his book on the couch. At elast one of them is always nearby.

It is still weird that Crop, and his brother Straw, are so... nice. Nightmare isn't used to others being nice to him.

It is weird.

He can accept it from his four. But that is different, they are different. They are special and actually care, that is why they are nice and came back to him... for him.

Nightmare leans against Cross as they get downstairs. Dust and Horror are discussing things as Killer sits by the window staring outside.

Cross grins at the others "All clean and ready ti mingle!" Cross easily walks over to Dust and Nightmare feels himself be handed over to the other skeleton.

Nightmare can feel the difference between their holds and feels the other magic near. It is nice and familiar nad Nightmare just leans agaisnt Dust.

Dust leans close and nuzzles him "You okay? We can still call it off." Cross shoots Dust a disapproving look but Dust ignores him.

Nightmare is appreciates it but shakes his skull "It is fine. It is needed..." He huffs and crosses his arms as he looks to the side "It is just stupid." he doesnt want to do this.

Dust nods "Needed things often are stupid. It is honestly a terrible system." and another nuzzle and Ngihtmare feels a bit better.

Crop, who had been watching from the kitchen, walks over "so... who is gonna go the talking? Do you all want to be there?" and he waits.

Killer doens't look away from the window but answers "Dusty will stay with Nightmare throuhg it all. We will stay in the living room."

Crop nods "Right right." he looks a bit more nervous "You got a story straight?"

Ngihtmare huffs and mutters against Dust's shoulder "There is nothing straight about that story."

Dust freezes before snorting and trying to smother his laughing. Horror, who had been close enough to hear too, grins widely.

Cross and Killer btoh turn to them confused, same for Crop.

Dust snorts and shrugs but Horror answers "We spoke about it before hand." and Horror shoots Dust a look.

Dust looks actively pained "Yes we spoke about it."

Cross smiles at Crop's worried look "it is fine! Dust is great at this stuff. He won't share everything of what happened but will tell the healer enough to really sell it and get rumours flowing."

Ngihtmare nods and feels... happy? Pride? he isn't sure but he always knew his four were special and amazing and this just proves it again.

Crop blinks and nods "okay. As long as that is the case... She should be here any moment. She is the head doctor and head healer in our town and anything in her clinic goes through her. She is really nice and just wants to help though so no worries okay?" and he grins.

Nightmare is once again reminded of what is coming and feels hismelf grow more tense as he turns slightly to be clsoer to Dust. Dust just holds him closer and nuzzles him. Dust doesn't say anyhting but it still helps. it feels nice... it is safe.

Crop looks troubled but before he can say anything Killer turns sharply to the window again "Car just stopped. a deer monster got out." and he glances at Crop.

Crop smiles and rushes to the door "That is her. euh. just act-" he turns but before he can say anything Dust and Ngihtmare are already on the couch, Nightmare is still in his lap and has a book in his hands. Nightmare cna spot Killer by the table wiht some playing cards, already having a few made to form a house of cards. Cross is by the tv playing around with the channels as Horror sets water up for tea.

Crop blinks as he softly mutters the rest of his sentence "-act natural..." moments later a knock on the door.

Ngihtmare pushes closer to Dust and Dust takes the book from his shaking hands and starts reading it out loud.

Crop opens the door and Nightmare can't even focus on the calm voice of Dust or the fact the others are around. as Killer had said, the doctor is a deer monster of some kind. she has rather impressive antlers for her kind as she greets Crop with a familiarity.

Crop turns to the room and grins "Guys. This is Fauna. She is the head doctor in town and she is nice and very profesional!" and he waits.

Nightmare watches as Killer huffs as he looks her up and down "... I see." he walks over to Dust and Nightmare and Nightmare suddenly gets another skull nuzzling him.

Dust chuckles as he calmly puts the book away "Careful Kills, he just had a bath and your goop tends to stick."

Killer pouts at him "kill joy."

Nightmare blinks between them as he lounges against Dust. He glances back and sees a soft smile on Fauna's face. Ah. Right. make sure to show what you want them to see.

Dust looks up at Fauna and nods "I will be staying with him through his checkup." it is an announcement.

Fauna smiles and crosses her arms "oh really? I am sure we will discuss that." she looks at Crop "Where can we have this conversation and checkup?"

Crop smiles "The kitchen! come this way." and Crop leads Fauna there.

Dust rises to his feet and Nightmare cna see both Cross and Killer shoot him nervous glances.

Dust just huffs "I got this." and walks towards the kitchen. Just in time to see Horror pour some mugs of tea and setting two aside.

Horror looks at Dust "Chamomile and lemon." He smiles at Nightmare and points to the other "Lavender and peach." he nods to Crop and Fauna and silently leaves the kitchen.

Dust takes a seat before taking a sip of his own tea. Nightmare grabs his own mug and sips it. It is nice, easily with the intent Horror put into it when he made it. It helps him relax.

Crop grabs a mug for Fauna and Fauna quickly makes her own tea. Then she gives Crop a very pointed look "I know this is your house but just because you are now technically their landlord does not mean you are allowed to have this information. out you go."

Crop doesn't fight it at all "Of course. you know your way around." he grins at Dust and Nightmare "Take it easy okay?" and he leaves.

A long silence in the room.

Fauna takes asip from her own tea and looks at Dust critically "Now. Before we start I have to ask you two a few questions. Foremost and before anything else. I am here for the wellbeing of that child." she smiles at him "That is my goal." she gives Dust a colder look "Understood?"

Dust raises a brow "That is fine." then slower "However. Before we answers any questions I have one very important one for you. What are your privacy policies?" Dust nudges Ngihtmare and Nightmare is quick to take another sip, it helps to calm his shaking a bit.

Dust stares Fauna down easily "Just like you want to make sure he is okay. we just want him safe. If you are a risk to that safety we will not answer anything."

Fauna glares but nods "Insulting to be questioned like that but understanding. When I took this profesion I took a few oaths. One, to always help those in need no matter who they are. Two, to always put the health of my patient first. Three, to never disclose private matters of a patient to other people." she turns her spoon in her mug "I take these oaths very seriously. You can't help people if you are not trustworthy."

Dust rolls his eyes "Of course you took oaths. I mean who will get access to this information? You knowing it is one thing. You making physical notes that someone else can read is another. We don't want... certain people to have access to information about him." and Nightmare feels Dust hug him closer.

Obviously not a lie. They have always been careful with another about his situation geting known to other people. But that is multiverse level. And unless they would visit this universe and ask the right people the chance of the stars finding this file are very low. But... for their backstory? It is crusial. Dust having been on the run with a babybones that had been stolen and he just stole back? That means this type of information is very dangerous to just lay around.

Fauna frowns and seems to make the conclusion that Dust wants her to make. Her voice gets a bit softer as she answers slowly "Patient files are under lock and key... however. I have a special case which only I can access where I keep the more sensitive information that only i know. If i have information that I deem to sensitive for others to hear I make sure to lock it away tightly." hse has a stubborn look "And no one knows where that is."

Ngihtmare considers it for only a moment and assumes it is in her inventory. Slightly high risk as if she were to dust that information would disappear forever and be lost forever. However, no one can force someone to take something out of their inventory.

Dust frowns and gives a slow nod "Ask your questions." then he looks at Nightmare and nuzzles his skull again "If you don't want to answer her you can say so okay?" Nightmare nods and waits.

Fauna stares at them for a moment longer ebfore smilign at Nightmare "Hello... before anythign else... Do you have a name you would be okay with me calling you and knowing you as?"

Ngihtamre thinks it over before answering "My name is Nightmare, miss."

Fauna smiles and writes it on a file she has pulled out of nowhere, see? Inventory.

Fauna nods and looks back at him "How would you like to refer to you? A boy? a girl? neither? both?"

Ngihtamre shrugs as he leans against Dust. "I prefer he... but anything is fine honestly..." an afterthought and he shoots Dust an uncertain look. Dust just gives him a nod. Nightmare looks at the table "Just... no 'it' please." there. He doesn't like that. He knows some monsters are fine with that but he isn't.

Fauna nods "Of course." she smiles "Nightmare. That is not a name i hear often. Did you pick it yourself or was it given to you?"

Ngihtmare holds tighter unto Dust and mutters "Given."

Fauna nods again before smiling "by who?"

Nightmare freezes and turns to Dust for a moment. dust just nuzzles him "Your choice."

meaning he will figure out their story and edit it if he needs to. Ngihtmare feels bad about the idea of not telling his name for given by Nim... she had been his mother! yet... yet...

yet...

Nightmare shrugs as he leans against Dust "What everyone always said i was..." not a lie.

DUst frowns and holds him closer. Fauna frowns as well "Are you sure then you want to be called tht then?"

Ngihtmae nods and spekas with more confidence "fits fine wtih everyone." and more importantly "it is my name." his. Even if everyone always made it out to be something bad. It was his!

Fauna blinks before smiling "Yeah. your name is the first thing that is truely yours. and so that means it is your choice what you do with it." she notes down the name and looks at them "no family name?"

Ngihtmare shakes his skull and looks at Dust and waits.

Dust shrugs "never needed one."

Fauna chuckles nad nods "I can imagine that your names aren't in the list of most popular babynames. This will work just fine for now." she looks back at him "now nightmare. a very important question. Are you really okay wiht Dust being here for your examination?"

Nightmare is alreayd nodding and holds unto Dust tighter. Dust hugs him "I am not leaving unless he tells me to leave."

Fauna nods, not at all btohered by the glare Dust sends her way "of course. Is it okay for Dust to then be noted down as someone who is allowed to know your medical records and information?"

Nightmare nods nad pauses for a moment "So are the others."

Fauna raises her pen and waits.

Nightmare rolls his eye lights "Killer, Horror and Cross. They cna all know as well. They know things." everything he is willing to share that is.

Dust raises a brow "are you done yet with your interrogation? I thought this was suposed to be about how he is doing."

Fauna hums and looks unbothered as she updates the file "I want to be sure that I know who i can share what with." she looks at Dsut "privacy policies."

Dust looks beyond annoyed and huffs before his face goes back to being calm and bored looking.

Fauna nods and looks at Nightmare "Now. We will start easy. an examination can be a lot and with what Crop told me he knew it makes me worried about your health. we will go as far as you feel comfortable with. I will start with asking soem questions, ease you in. okay?" and she waits with a gentle smile.

Ngihtamre thinks it over before nodding.

Fauna nods again as she grabs a list "Does anything hurt?"

Nightmare rolls his eye lights and nods. Duh. He is healing.

She immediantly frowns and pulls out a shard with frowning faces "now... which face would show you how you feel about this pain?"

Ngihtmare knows he is pulling a face as Dust chuckles. Nightmare looks unimpressed at Fauna "It hurts a lot. I would say a ten when it happened. about an eight on days it hurts more and about a six otherwise."

She stares in shock and Dsut shrugs "the.... people.. he was stuck with... did not treat him as a child... we are still working on that." and he looks at Nightmare but Dust can see the pride and amusement.

Fauna frowns but makes careful notes "okay... can you explain to me what hurts? in your words."

Ngihtamre waits a moment before speaking "ribs... always... spine aches easily. legs normally don't hurt unless i walk a lot... skull doesn't hurt unless i use do magic. arms also always hurt but not as bad..." he tries to think what else but then shrugs.

Fauna however looks horrified and moves closer but she immediantly stops. Nightmare only realises later that the second she moved he flinched back and fully against Dust.

Fauna nods "okay.... That is very serious. You say using your magic also harms you?"

Ngihtmare nods slowly "not like... eating and stuff... or lighting up my eyes... but bigger things... spell stuff." it sucks but luckily the balance doens't need him anymore. He hadn't flet any new calling and figures he has time.

Fauna nods and frowns at Dust and Nightmare both "crop mentioned that there had been magic at play. somekind of shielding?"

Nightmare looks helplessly at Dust. he had no idea how to explain that!

Dust nods to nightmare before looking at Fauna "if you don't mind i will answer that." Fauna nods and Dust continues "We aren't quite sure of the details. we never saw the magic or studied the spell up close. We think he got into contact with something very powerful, probably with old magic. maybe an artifect. We never actually saw what it was. But it formed a sort of shield or bubble. It enclosed him, his soul and magic. but eventually it warn off and Nightmare appeared again. I saw him reappear and after some confusion on our end we got to work to get Nightmare back with us for safety..."

Fauna nods "You have seen this bubble or shielding?"

Dust nods "I have, it left Nightmare completely unrecognizeable from who he truly was. You wouldn't even be able to guess he was in there..."

Fauna frowns heavily as she makes notes "That may have impacted his magical growth and development, which may also be part of the reason shy using complex magic hurts him."

Nightmare stares at Dsut in shock. How had he just... made that up?! On the spot? It wasn't even a lie!

Dust sees him look and winks back wiht a grin before pulling his face back to the blank worried one of before.

Fauna nods as she sits up striaghter "okay. that is most of the verbal examination. I am very sorry but I really need to look at the physical wounds and your magic. I understand you have had very bad experiences with others who were suposed to keep your safe. Will you please allow me to see if i can help?"

Nightmare frowns as he thinks before answering "only wiht Dusty here." Dust will keep him safe. he can't keep himself safe but that is okay because Dust will.

Fauna nods "of course. Where would you like to start?"

Ngihtmare thinks before answering "magic and skull." that is easy to do together and as soon as he stops using his magic his skull will be healed again.

Dust pushes the chair they are sitting on a bit backwards and moves them around. Nightmare sits wiht his spine and back against Dust's front and he feels the slow and even soulbeat of him against his spine.

It helps calm his own racing soul.

Fauna sits in front of them. a reasonable amount of space between them.

Nightmare takes a deep breatha dn leans against Dust as he calls up his magic. It is still tought but a bit easier. It answers his call but it doesn't take any shape. It doesn't have a purpose. Nightmare tries to use it to feel the healer's general emotions and his head starts to ache.

He tells them as much and starts to feel what the lady is feeling. Worry, just so much worry and grief. Grief for him.

Ngihtmare doesn't get it. People don't like Nightmare. Ngihtmare is a bad omen and makes bad things happen. Why would she be worried for him? She doesn't even know him.

A loud gasp and even more worry and horrified feelings and Nightmare knows the cracks are visible.

Nightmare doesn't look at her but instead at the table. the light of his scars is bright enoguh to light up the room in a strange combination or purple and cyan.

Dust speaks softly "His own magic is purple... the cyan was from whatever the shielding bubble thing had been." a soft hand rubbing his shoulders. helping him relax.

Fauna swallows before speaking softly "Can I come closer and examine it?"

Nightmare answers himself "may as well... I managed to do it now anyway." it aches so badly "just... quickly please."

Dust mumbles "and carefully. This is very painful."

Fauna moves carefully and even a feather light touch causes agony as he shakes and a whimper escapes him.

Dust pulls him further back "Ngihtamre i think that is enough. can you dispell your magic again?"

His skull is swimming in pain and emotions not his own. He can't feel adn understand them on the same level anymore... can't sperate them from himself as easily anymore.

The light disappears and Nightmare just lays shaking in Dust's hold. Dust frowns at him and mutters "It got worse again..."

Ngihtamre looks away but nods. Dust just rubs his back and looks at Fauna "So yeah... pretty much all his magic still has that... cyan colour to it but as you saw it isn't helping him."

Fauna is writing quickly in her notes "It is almost an invasive magic on him. However it doesn't seem like he makes this cyan magic himself. I think it are still left overs but we would have to try and messure the two different forms of magic which is hard to do in the same person. those wounds..." and she looks at them.

Dust sighs "THe newest... wounds he got on... on his way out... on his way away from those he was with before... We always thought that whatever the magic was it saved him." again, no lies, just selective with the information and how he tells it.

Fauna taps the notes and nods "Well worrying. I think you are right on the magic having saved him. Especially as when he isn't using magic it isn't harming him. What i think that is happening is that the magic is keeping the head wounds close and whole. I think him trying to use his magic makes the cyan magic react as well, but as he can't make that it is pulled from whatever source he has. which in this cause is the very thing helping him." she nods and writes on another paper "For now. don't use any complex spells. only use very light and natural magic. things that don't bother or tire him. This way you can keep his own magic active and practise to help it grow stronger without disrupting the magic in his skull. If he at any moments starts to regularly have headaches we will need to look into somekind of magic transfer."

Dust frowns "why not do a transfer now?"

Fauna sighs "Magical transfers can be dangerous. if your soul doesn't accept the transfer you are suddenly without any magic in you. For children, especially those with very little magic themselves, it has an added risk of completely overwriting their own magic. meaning that their soul will only accept the new type of magic, but as the soul can't make this they will still have the same fate." she gives Dust a cold stare "this is not something done lightly."

Dust nods and mutters "We will keep an eye out for headaches." he give shim a look "any. headache."

Nightmare pouts and huffs at him "Okay. I will tell you."

Dust nods "good."he nudges their skulls together softly. "What next?"

nightmare frowns and sighs "ribs... it is the worst.. if that is okay the rest should be too." even if he hates losing his shirt and showing anyone the wounds and barely healed bones.

Dust nods and looks at fauna "Nightmare is going to have to sit with his back to you. You will need to announce any movement you make and keep making somekind of sound or noise."

Fauna accepts it easily and waits. Nightmare turns to sit towards Dust nad lets Dust help get him out of his loose shirt. Cross had specificlaly picked this one for today to make this easier. It is also why they skipped the bandages for today.

A loud gasp and Nightmare quickly hides his face in the bright red scarf.

Dust rubs the back or his skull "Yeah. we know. We try to get him to take a bath each day to clean the wounds out. He can bath himself but the wounds demand extra attention and care that he as a six year old just doesn't have the dexterity for." hearing Dust talk helps him calm down. he isn't alone. he isn't alone. he isn't alone.

Fauna swallows and speaks in a soft voice "I am going to sit a bit closer and take a closer look at some of your wounds near your spine." slow movements and Ngihtmare feels hismelf grow more tense. Fauna continues to talk "you are being very brave. thank you for trusting me, or at least trusting Dust enough to allow me to try and help you." she sits closer and Ngihtmare cna hear her breathing now. Fauna hums softly "Even if they look bad and still very hurt, which i know they do, they are very clean and seem to be healing well. YOu are all taking very good care of these breaks and missing chips."

Fauna shifts a tiny bit and Nightmare tightens his hold on Dust's hoody. Nightmare relaly likes the material that Dust wears. it is soft and makes it easy for him to sink his tiny claws into. Not let go.

Fauna speaks again "Mayb i touch the bones on your spine? I need to check how sensitive and hurt the still healthy bones are."

Nightmare takes a moment and nods before grabbing Dusts arm. DUst luckily understnads him "He will grip me if it hurts and i will tell you. is that okay?"

Fauna speaks with relieve "That is fine. Thank you for letting me examine this. I am going to touch your spine in 3. 2. 1. now." the touch on his spine still surprises him but aside from the tiny flinch nothing happens. Fauna hums and speaks "I am goign to touch a tiny bit lower." the touch moves but no pain. "very good. a bit lower again." the touch moves lower but his whole spine lights up in pain and Nightmare whimpers as he clams down on Dust's hand.

"It hurts him very badly." the hand on his spine is already gone before Dust finishes his sentence.

Fauna speaks with full praise "Thank you Nightmare. you did amazing. You are very brave."

Nightmare can't help it as he pushes closer to Dust "dusty... it is weird."

silence and Dust hums "what is?"

Nightmare pushes clsoer to Dust "her being nice." people aren't nice to him. they hate him at first sight. why is she different. why...

"Why weren't they nice?" he hates how he sounds but he just wants to know.

Dust holds him clsoer, Dust's hands and arms always know were to hold wihtout hurting him. same for the others. they are safe.

Dust mutters "I don't know. I think they were just dumb." a bit louder "I think we shuld stop."

Fauna is quick to agree "absolutely. I am sorry for not realising we had already hit his limit."

Dust helps him put on his shirt again "Nightmare is an amazing person. but he has the habit of not saying what bothers him." dust holds him close in a hug and dust looks at fauna "the spine is the worst by far. What do you think?"

Fauna writes some things down before speaking "I think you four have been doing a good job with trying to help him heal the pain he was caused. The spine is going to be a slow healing process, even slower because of his magic situation. All you cna do is keep cleanign it daily and making sure it is wrapped up." she finishes writing something.

Dust takes the note and speaks "understood. keep cleaning the wounds daily, wrap them up and check to make sure the wounds don't get bigger. Aside from that he isn't suposed to use his magic aside from easy and stressless things. if he at any moment starts to have headaches we are to call immediantly"

Fauna answers him "indeed. If you have any questions or worries feel free to call. I put the number for my clinic on there as well. Just ask for me and saywho you are and they will call me. I am going to amke sure that everyone knows you are on the emergancy list." slow steps towards the door and exit of the kitchen when she stops "He is a very sweet babybones. I am sorry to hear he got this hurt."

Dust chuckles and just holds him clsoer "we know... we agree..."

a moment of silence before Fauna speaks again "I am going to talk with Crop that you will have to use his bathroom a lot, doctors orders. What else you tlel him is up to you. Have a good day." and she is gone.

They sit in silence nad Dust just helps Nightmare finish his now much colder tea. The taste is still good even when cold...

DUst nuzzles his skull "You oaky?"

Ngihtmare just pushes closer "tired."

Dust chuckles "Yeah... me too... how about this? I am going to help you wrap up your ribs. after that we will lay in the living room together and nap while Killer and Cross get competitive over a card game?"

Nightamre nods and relaxes "yeah" that sounds great. Dust picks him up and takes him to their attic to help him get ready for the rest of the day.

Dust will tell the others how it went and what to watch out for. Nightmare just has to relax and trust him.

And that is okay. Nightmare has gotten a lot better at trusting others.

*------------------*

First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble

[s0fter-sin]

ghost fucking soap so hard and so good he passes out but he utterly panics about it

he thinks he must’ve ignored soap asking to stop; was it pain that made him pass out? how bad could it have been to make him pass out when he’s been shot and kept going? should he bring him to medical? he’ll never touch him again, he’ll never so much as look at him again; he’ll ask for a transfer- fuck that, a dishonourable discharge. there’s no coming back from this

he spirals, guilt chasing hatred chasing despair chasing fear, until soap finally wakes back up

soap's still floating, loose-limbed and buzzing; fucked so thoroughly out of his head that it takes him a while to notice ghost isn't in bed with him anymore. he frowns, lifting a heavy head off the pillow and freezes. ghost's on the other side of the room, curled up tight in the corner as far away from soap as he could get without leaving him alone

(he would've left, would've made sure soap never had to see his face again and be reminded of what he did to him, of the monster he’d let into his bed- but he couldn't just leave him unconscious; what if he didn't wake up, he had to make sure he was safe first even if he'll rightfully hate him forever when he does wake up)

soap's voice when he calls out to him makes him flinch, his head burying deeper in his knees. cold worry chases the bliss from his blood and soap pushes himself up but his shaking arms can't hold his weight

the sound of him collapsing back onto the bed makes ghost rear up, his panic growing and soap's heart breaks at his red rimmed eyes

it takes a long time for soap to coax him back to the bed, countless loops of, "sweetheart, please, come here, what happened? it's okay, everything’s going to be okay.”

(and how ghost’s self-hatred grows hearing soap comforting him; hearing the concern and love in his voice when he doesn’t deserve a drop of it)

it takes even longer for ghost to believe soap when he says that he passed out because he felt so good; that he never asked ghost to stop, never wanted him to stop. that he trusts him more than anything and knows he'd rather die than ever hurt him, especially like that

“you’re not a monster, love,” he promises, soft with conviction and it’s as much a surrender as a relief when he collapses into his lap and lets him hold him close

ghost believes johnny but he still can't bring himself to be intimate with him for a while; that fear still haunting him, but soap doesn't hold it against him, doesn't complain about ghost's perceived "step back" in their relationship

hell, ghost seems to hate it more than he does; he misses being with soap, misses the connection, the closeness they shared, the safety and quiet he found in his embrace, but he's always trusted soap more than he trusts himself

soap doesn't let him be consumed by his fear or worse, sabotage them and turn it into a punishment; doesn't let him even get through the suggestion of switching because he knows how much he hates it and he won’t let him twist something as good and pure as their physical love into something self-harming

instead, he brings them back to the basics, working through the steps to get ghost comfortable with intimacy again, to get him to trust himself again; spends happy months just grinding and exchanging handjobs like when their relationship first started

and it's a happy day for them both when soap finally falls apart on his cock once again, anxiety the farthest thing from ghost's mind when his arms are wrapped so tightly around him, kissing a smile against his lips

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

[chitinleg]

[a-very-sparkly-nerd]

Some of you guys REALLY need to learn the difference between EXPLANATION and JUSTIFICATION because they are BY NO MEANS THE SAME.