#he is a beautiful dramatic nutcase

[angels-holocaust]

Costas Mandylor in In like Flynn (2018)

[audreyhepburninblackandwhite]

Audrey Hepburn featured in a Russian magazine ЧЕЛОВЕК-ЛЕГЕНДА (Legendary Person)

ROUGHLY TRANSLATED STORY (Originally published in Russian)

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 

THE INIMITABLE AUDREY (continued)

By Olga Shemetova

Straight bangs, penciled eyeliners that lift and lengthen the corners of the eyes, ballet shoes, pale face, and thinness—this image of a teenage girl at that time was not yet the ideal that it became in the '70s.

The actress herself once confessed: “I never thought that with such a face as mine, one could appear on the pages of a magazine.

She was wrong. When Breakfast at Tiffany's came out on the big screen, Hepburn became a real icon. In 1961, thanks to her legendary role, the jewelry company Tiffany & Co., like Audrey, gained worldwide fame.

And it was Audrey or, rather, the charming nutcase Holly Golightly, whom the actress portrayed, as if she herself had been a demimonde all her life, set new standards of beauty and charm.

What was Hepburn's secret? She was the embodiment of natural beauty and inner charm which shone in her smile. This role looked completely new against the backdrop of pompous and elaborately stylish Hollywood movie stars. Attractive, thin to the point of fragility, with large hypnotic eyes, she brought charm to the roles without any effort.

Audrey had an excellent education, knew and loved literature and history, and was fluent in six languages, which was also rare among actresses. And not fake intelligence, combined with an aristocratic origin, subtly made itself felt in every gesture and look. She herself said: “I never believed in my God-given talent. I loved my job and did my best. Nothing more".

The image of Holly Golightly has become one of the iconic images in American cinema in the 20th century. Talking about the difficulties of working on the role, Hepburn admitted: "I am an introvert. Playing an extroverted girl turned out to be the hardest thing I've ever done."

On the set, she wore, among other things, the famous little black dress, which later became a real hit. The actress also added bleached her strands to chestnut new hair. The actress retained this style later in life.

The outfits for the film were created by her in collaboration with Hubert de Givenchy. He met the 24-year-old aspiring actress after opening his fashion house, and Audrey immediately seemed to him the ideal of femininity. Then, for forty years, Givenchy created exclusive models of clothes just for her.

By the way, Audrey married only in dresses from Givenchy. In both her husbands, Mel Ferrer and Andrea Dotti, she was attracted by the same romantic traits that had made her mother throw herself recklessly into her father's arms. And these same traits divorced her from them. Only her last man, actor Robert Wolders, was a calm, balanced, and caring monogamous.

After the triumph of Breakfast at Tiffany's, Hepburn played a wide variety of roles. She starred with Cary Grant in the romantic thriller Charade, starred in the film version of the musical My Fair Lady, going through a series of metamorphoses of the main character Eliza Doolittle, who turns from a simpleton into a high-society lady. This work was not without misunderstandings: Hepburn recorded the vocal parts for the role, but with the light hand of the producers, the singer Marni Nixon covered all her songs. The actress left the shooting in anger, and returned the next day with an apology. Some of the vocal numbers performed by her still remained in the picture. These are "Just You Wait" and excerpts from "I Could Have Danced All Night."

Audrey Hepburn as Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady (1964)

Audrey Hepburn in a publicity photograph for How to Steal a Million (1967)

The star enjoyed filming the crime comedy How to Steal a Million with Peter O'Toole. Trying more and more dramatic images, in 1967 she played a blind woman in the movie Wait Until Dark.

That same year, Hepburn and her husband Mel Ferrer divorced. A year later, Hepburn married the Italian psychiatrist Andrea Dotti and moved to Italy. The actress had a second son, Luca. This pregnancy was difficult and required almost constant bed rest, so filming had to be forgotten.

In the early '70s, the activity of the Red Brigades terrorist organization increased in Italy, because of which Audrey left the country, parting with Dotti, and tried to return to the cinema, starring with Sean Connery in the film Robin and Marian. Contrary to expectations, the film received moderate acclaim, far from the usual high ratings for Hepburn's films.

Officially, the marriage with Dotti lasted until 1982, although from 1980 until her death, the actress lived with Robert Wolders. The couple never entered into a formal union.

Audrey Hepburn with her son Sean Hepburn Ferrer in 1964

On the Sunset

In the '70s and '80s, alas, Hepburn's acting career began to decline. Films with her participation ceased to be successful, and Audrey became more and more involved in public affairs.

In 1988, Hepburn became an international goodwill ambassador for UNICEF, actively working on children's issues in Africa, South America, and Asia. She traveled a lot around the world, collecting funds after funds and calling for attention to needy kids.

As her colleagues later recalled, thanks to her charm and popularity, Audrey got her way, even when the situation seemed hopeless. She understands only too well what it is like to starve, never forgetting the difficult years of the German occupation.

Having been practically retired, the actress from time to time returned to work. For example, she played with actor Ben Gazzara in Bloodline. Then Hepburn and Gazzara met again in 1981 in the comedy They All Laughed. There, the star appeared with her son Sean Ferrer.

Later, Sean wrote about Audrey Hepburn: "Outwardly, a fragile, graceful woman, mother was an unusually strong person. She would have had a steel hand in a velvet glove."

Later there was also the role of an elegant jewel thief in the film made for television Love Among Thieves. The last work of Audrey Hepburn in the cinema was the role in the film by Steven Spielberg entitled Always where she played an angel.

In 1992, Hepburn was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her work at UNICEF. In the same year, during a trip to Africa, the actress began to suffer from abdominal pain, which turned out to be a symptom of colon cancer.

At the age of 63, on January 20, 1993, Audrey Hepburn died in her own home surrounded by her family. Newspapers reported for weeks about Audrey's early death, but the English actor Peter Ustinov remarked: "The figures say Audrey died young. What the numbers don't say is that Audrey would have died young at any age."

Source: Sean Connery Fan Russia

[forevermore-quoth-the-kitten]

I love the Batfam, so here they are as dogs, because I also love dogs.

Bruce Waye is a Great Dane, tall, strong, can look mean, especially when their ears are cropped like a Doberman, though his aren't. But he's really just a gentle giant who loves his kids and is very very patient.

I know we all characterize Dick Grayson as a golden retriever, but that man is husky, there is no doubt I my mind. He's emotional, over dramatic is his base setting, and he's always down for anything that excites him. And if something makes him annoyed, this man will be very vocal about it and you cannot ignore his temper tantrums.

Barbara Gordon is a German Shepard. Whether as Batgirl or Oracle, she's fierce, loyal, and one she catches onto someone's trail, she doesn't let up and once you're in Oracle's jaws, there's no escape.

Jason Todd is a Doberman, he's loyal, hardworking, caring and cam be very gentle with kids. He was a sweetheart who didn't have his ears cropped until Talia did it for him. But he also knows when to do more than guard, he's an attack dog who's not afraid to do what's necessary, but also knows when to choose kindness over force. Plus he had Dog for a while, so he's good eith other dogs too.

Tim Drake is a sighthound full of grace and beauty, he's a saluki. They're visual based and aren't as fast as a greyhound, but they're good at chasing over a long distance, and if there's something Tim Drake is good at, it's playing the long game. A smart dog for a very intelligent young man.

Stephanie Brown is an Irish setter. She's loyal, friendly, cheerful, compassionate, but she's still a hunting and gun dog who knows when to go get the prey in question. We stan our Robin queen eho loves purple and waffles, and Dog Steph is no exception.

Damian Wayne is a Great Dane and Dobermann mixed breed. But he's a hyperactive, annoying little nutcase who doesn't quite get the gentle giant part of his breed yet, but he's learning. I believe he'd have cropped ears and tail because of Ra's and Talia, which makes him look and help him act even more emenacing, but his real temperament is more Great Dane than anything else, which helps him really embrace being his father's son.

Cassandra Cain is unique, she has Shiva's mutation and is a solid black dalmatian. She's a scary dog with a bad reputation, but really, she's a sweet heart who might get things wrong sometimes, but tries very hard to be a good girl. Even when she's the strongest and fiercest fighter of them all, Cass is docile and loving at heart.

Duke Thomas is a silly nutball of a pit bull who really doesn't know how to be a bad guy or mean. He's friendly, open, and there's a reason he's Gotham's day time hero, because he shines with sun and has the biggest grin whenever he gets to do some good. He'd never hurt a fly, but when it comes to his family, he knows how to protect and fight with the best of 'em.

Alfred is an old staffordshire bull terrier, and no one would survive without this nanny dog who is always exasperated, but loves his chaotic little family.

[nocluewhatsupg]

Slashers’ reactions to you living in their vents

one of the mods got a very rare disease don’t google it you won’t get answers but if he doesn’t see some fresh slasher tiddie in the upcoming collector film he’s gonna fucking die

Michael Myers

Crouched near the cold vent opening, you peer up at the tall man. Michael paused the violent daydreaming he was doing to tilt his head slightly down, and stare right back at you. This continues for a good while, as the sunlit common room bustled with life around the two of you.

He’s chill about it. Probably because he simply believed Loomis got his medication confused and he was tripping balls or something. Had quietly entertained the idea of escaping through your impressive vents, but he’d never fit. It was much funner to smash heads into doors than stealthing around anyway.

Pins a blanket over the vent opening in his cell just in case. Hypocrite.

Since he couldn’t get to you, and snap you in half, he begrudgingly allowed you to exist in his presence. You found him such a curious inmate, and since he hadn’t tried to tear your spine from your body, you hung around. Any conversation you had was one sided, and he didn’t play along with your suggestion of “blink twice for yes, three times for no”. He accepted any gifts you’d give him, especially candy your nimble hands took from the cafeteria. They were gifts, even if he’d violently kick your vent until you handed them over.

Michael would simply wait until your excitement died down and you realize he wasn’t anything more interesting than a cardboard box. Nothing you said got a reaction out of him, no matter how hard you tried. Even when you dramatically proclaimed your love to him through his cell’s vent, on a beautiful night, he did nothing but pin a blanket over the opening and returned to sleeping with gentle moonlight pouring over him.

When he stages his escape, you stayed in your vents, and you were forced to retreat deep inside the building as he tore open the cover and stuck his arm inside. Looks like all the time you’d spent together never mattered to him, and he didn’t even bother to ensure your death. You’d be waiting for him when he came back, and you finally remembered how cold the damn vents really were.

Jason Voorhees

He is baffled you found a vent in the middle of the woods in the first place.

It was discarded, fallen from a construction van that had driven through the area, and wasn’t missed. From there, nature took its course, short brown mushrooms and elegant green moss covering the artificial silver. Insects burrowed underneath, and lizards enjoyed both the heat and the shade it provided.

Jason doesn’t break a sweat dislodging the vent (and you) from the ground and hoisting it high above his head. The sharp scent of fresh dirt was the last thing you smelled before he violently chucked you directly into the lake <3.

Brahms Heelshire

He got a new nanny, stared at their attractive appearance for one glorious day, then watched them vanish overnight.

With panic, he tore the house upside down searching for them, calling with every voice he could produce, but he found no one but rats.

Dust had clawed at your throat when you stepped into the hollow walls. It became apparent fast someone lived in them, newspaper clippings and disturbing little notes scattered throughout the passages. Through the carved out eyes of paintings hung on the wall, you followed a tall, masked man around the mansion. World’s most bizzare tour.

The longer you watched, the more your terrified expression melted to a mild understanding. The child’s calls drew for you a perfect picture; he was lonely. He must’ve stared from these very walls at other folks for years, dreaming of being out there with them, laughing and dancing. He was outcasted, and what could’ve been an extravagant, luxurious life became one of solitary and strain. Something unjustly tore that life from him, and he was forced to stomach the repercussions alone.

On the other hand, his brown hair was long and greasy. His clothes had holes. He was a visibly grown man making a child’s voice. What the fuck are you doing get out of there he’s going to fucking kill you and if he gains popularity he’s going to be turned into an even shittier bootleg Annabell movie.

Out of sheer luck, you managed to live along side him. He too walks in the walls as you do, but you were careful to keep yourself away from him. The way you got away with what you did was probably because he wasn’t actively looking for you, as even the smallest effort would lead him to spot you. You ate as he did, slept as he did, went through all sorts of noise producing actions as he did. You noticed how he lived, and mimicked it.

Of course, you didn’t really want to live like this. It was bizzare, but you felt as if you’d dug yourself into a hole too deep. If you showed yourself, you feared the worst. Or maybe you enjoyed this strange lifestyle, to each their own.

When Malcom came with supplies, he didn’t seem to mind the empty house. He lingered in the mansion occasionally, until the burn of both your gaze and Brahms’ gaze made him leave with the hairs on his neck standing up. You knew Brahms watched from the opposite wall that you were in, as you knew where the holes were, and you could occasionally see a flash of his white mask.

Brahms left the walls occasionally, and you eventually realised he followed a schedule, each step posted on the insides of the walls. His excursions were very brief, only when he had to make something happen outside, like eating or setting music. Then he retreated to the walls.

The more you watched, the more hesitant you became to outing yourself to him. You learned a lot about him, and the top thing that you noticed was that he was a grade A nutcase. Everything he did, even the simple things, were alien to a normal person’s train of thought. So you watched, and waited, gathering information to produce the best possible answer. Embrace the odd life, confront him, or quietly run?

As he often did, Brahms ate the last of the food during breakfast. He had no reason to spare, but you knew he ate more that usual on these days. It would take him a while to exit the kitchen, as you knew he liked to loiter and watch the rain splatter on the kitchen windows. This, along with the fact that Malcom would be arrving around noon, made today the best possible day to put your plan into action. You knew the kitchen door was unlocked, and the garden had a thick maze you could hide in. Not even once did it cross your mind how odd it was that you knew so much from watching a man, and if you had thought of that, you’d worry for your sanity.

Instead of the trap door Brahms took, which was settled on the ceiling of the kitchen, you took a slightly longer route. Your route, through a lose piece of wall in the living room, allowed for good stealth. As you reached your exit, you anxiously wondered how he’d react. You wondered if it would be odd that you’d stayed for so long. The lavish living room had the lingering smell of a put out fire, and the tap of raindrops masked your footsteps as you tiptoed to the kitchen.

Old habits died hard, and you paused at the arched opening leading to the kitchen, peeking your head out to watch him. It was then, as Brahms dug through a cabnet, that you realised that one thing slipped by your infinite wisdom. You hadn’t thought of the best way to confront him. What to say, where to be, what to do. You fought to settle your nervous breath from growing in volume, gripped the wooden pillar you hid behind, and gave a quick prayer.

He didn’t notice you step out into the opening, as your hands twisted your shirt anxiously. It was only when you set your foot on a loose floorboard, and the creak echoed loud, did he snap his head up. It was difficult to tell if he recognized you through the dust that settled on your face, and you had no idea what emotion was painted on his. Brahms stood quiet as you decided the best thing to do was introduce yourself, and shakily, you did.

After the shock of learning of your existance settled, he did something all your watching could never have prepared you for. He skipped right over why, or how you were living here all these months. What brought you to the Heelshire mansion bored him. No, he instead scolded you. He snapped at how irresponsible you were, hiding from him, neglecting your duty.

Then he did something you predicted. He grew angry. Brahms slammed his fist on the table, and shouted for your explanation. He mocked you as you stumbled for an answer. When what you did say didn’t satisfy him, he pulled a knife from the fat block sitting on the counter. Nothing you could’ve said would’ve worked for him, and even if something did, he would pretend that it didn’t.

It was a little past mid day, a frightened glance to the clock told you. He slept in, and so did you. The clock wasn’t your priority at the moment, as Brahms didn’t care for the fear in your eyes and decided to advance. With adrenaline making your heart go twice as fast, and the thought of your blood gushing on the tiled floor making your mind go blank, the first words that came from your mouth you didn’t even think through.

Giving him a taste of his own medicine, you scolded him right back. It was past noon, and the schedule stated that he had things to do that he neglected. To your amazement, he froze, and you drew more strength into your words. There were things that still had to be done, how dare he neglect that too. You kept your head as high as you could, turning your terrified expression into a disappointed glare, and he stopped. To your command, he dropped the knife, and it clattered to the floor. When you told him to, he shuffled back around and continued eating, occasionally glancing over his shoulder. If he had a tail, it’d be curled weakly between his legs.

You felt like you were going to pass out. You thanked whatever higher being you believed in for that stroke of intelligence. Of course, Brahms didn’t offer you any of his meal, but you didn’t care. You had him under control, at least for now. Patiently, you waited for him to finish, keeping your guard and your confidence way high. The schedule would be followed, and you’d see just what you could get away with. This bizzare predicament could actually work out in your favor.

Billy Lenz

Hey, he thought of doing it first! Dirty copycat. What are you going to do now, get a buddy and start calling people and playing jeopardy with them before you murder them?? Turn this serious and deep genre of film into meta satire???

He’s as surprised as you to see you crawling around in the attic. You might even get a chance to explain yourself before he murders you.

You better start explaining, especially since he’d seen you downstairs, chatting with the other members of the house naturally.

With the charm that got you into that house in the first place, you carefully explain how you didn’t really technically live in the house. How you never technically joined the college, and never technically applied to be part of the house.

Okay, neat. So basically what he’s doing, minus the socialization. Wow. Aren’t you so creative. When he began to give you a strange look, you gave him a quirky little salute, and evacuated the attic as fast as you could.

He lingered in your mind as you ate dinner that didn’t belong to you, visible fear in your expression. You stared at the cracks in the ceiling, and swore you could see the whites of his eyes gleaming in the black darkness. It horrified you, how he was you, but incredibly mentally unstable.

To prove how upset he was at your existence, he strangled your roommate that night, as they slept only feet away from you. You awoke to a cold, clammy corpse, that you stared at in horror.

With guilt fresh on your expression, you abandoned the body quietly. You pried the window in the room open, then threw the pillows and blankets from your bed to mimic a fight. When another housemate discovered the corpse, their alarmed shouts warned you to seek refuge in the attic. It was there that you mulled over the pickle you’d found yourself in, an irrational, impulsive decision leaving your future grim.

Billy wasn’t content with finding you in the attic again. Between fighting his clawing hands, you desperately tried to convey how your lives are now entwined, whether he likes it or not. If you were caught, you explained through gritted teeth, you’d bring him down with you. Of course, he could simply kill you and dodge the more difficult option, so you’d better keep talking sweet if you wanted to live. He had nothing to gain from befriending you, but you had everything to lose.

In the end, you had to give up more than you were comfortable giving a psychotic, attic dwelling stranger. You promised yourself you’d get worse in jail. Maybe he didn’t care about what you feverishly promised. Maybe he just wanted you out of his face, and you probably guessed right, as the second you stopped talking he slid down the opening of the wall and desended to watch the house’s residents flutter with panic.

To your bewildered surprise, it worked. You were classified as a missing victim, and no one ever came to the dusty attic. The payment for this shakey freedom was anything but nice. Often he’d push you from the attic, forcing you to scale down the exterior brick wall with cold wind blowing on your back. There was little warning, and you never knew how long you had to wait in the snow while he did whatever he did. Sometimes he’d scream at you until you left to procure an item for him; usually food. How you got it, he didn’t care, you wouldn’t be allowed back in without it. He saw quickly he could make you do whatever he wanted, and he shamelessly took advantage of that. It almost seemed like your life was his game, which at this point, it might as well be.

Billy rarely slept soundly for long, awakening after two or three hours of rest with a panicked scream. Then, like nothing ever happened, he’d casually go to do something else. He slid noisily down the wall to observe everyone else sleeping. He tore into one of the boxes that surrounded the both of you and explored its contents. On the worst occasions, he’d come bother you, shaking you awake for no good reason. You never snapped at him, because this was better than jail...Right?

Then he began to kill the other residents, returning in the morning with blood splattered on his clothes. He went put of his way to touch you, mumbling the late resident’s name as he painted you red. The first few times made you gag. By the time careful surveillance was set on the house, you didn’t care anymore. You slept during the day, to stay wide awake at night incase he got caught and you needed to bolt. Billy returned from his excursions in the morning as well, and would crawl in your already warm mattress and mumble until he passed out.

When there was no one left in the house, you thought fast. You coaxed him from the attic. Hand in hand, you led him through the shadowy forest, and to the attic of a new, unexpecting house. He smiled at you that day, a real, genuine smile not clouded by madness. The cycle began again, as he slid down the walls and carved new peeping holes. You were so numb. Your blood was black with guilt. You watched the new residents going about their business through the attic’s window, and you found your stomach so twisted you couldn’t eat. The only breath of fresh air you got was daydreaming, of what your life could’ve been if you’d just chosen any other house so long ago.

The oddest thing occured in the new house. He, for once, comforted you. You felt as if you looked into a mirror, as he even said the same things that you’d say to him. But he couldn’t shake the coldness in your core, and with a frostbitten body you were forced to assure him you were fine. Billy shrugged, ate the food you didn’t, and slid back down the walls. Through the dark window, where a small candle allowed you to see your distraught appearance, you knew this would be your life. You’d drag him from house to house, untill he’d killed everyone in the world, and the last person for him to kill was the only one that really deserved it.

Asa Emory

He notices you missing from the collection fast. Escapes weren’t uncommon, but he wasn’t too bothered by it.

He expected to see your mangled, shredded corpse cooling on one of his highly advanced traps. There was nothing to worry about.

When you didn’t show up gutted and gored within a few days, he began to worry. The though of your bewildered face appearing before the police, a wide, fearful expression before reporters made him nervous. If you’d ran out of hell, you’d know how to run back in.

The news interview that would shock the generation never came, and the ouchie he got on his ego healed. That left the obvious final option that you had, or eventually would, expire and waste away alone in a dark corner. That filled him with a good feeling, that you’d suffer a cold death for running from him.

So when he was met with your wild, smirking face in a vent, he felt some sort of way. Mostly anger. You’d not only killed his ego, but spat on it too.

You’d scrambled away before he could grab your boney ankle and strangle you, leaving him to smash his bathroom mirror in rage.

Unfortunately, Asa worked as an exterminator, and you were nothing more than another pest. He wondered if you too would still scramble if he cut your head off. Murder was off the menu that night, and he let you gloat your near death experience for only one final time.

The next day, he patiently set bait. An empty, blood splattered room would do. In the middle sat an empty trunk, and an unsupervised meal. It seemed as if someone lived there, and had been pulled away from a mouth watering dish. Or, a very obvious trap.

If your hunger got the best of you, you slid through the rather snug vent along the floor, quietly moving the grate from its place. A click echoed, just barely loud enough to be heard over the dogs howling.

He watched your heart drop. He watched it shatter as you turned to your sneakly little vent, and find that it was locked shut. A thick metal plate had slid from the wall and trapped you. Not too far after the realization settled frigid in your stomach, did a soft hiss of escaping wind begin to grow.

The exterminator’s poison was clear, but it was not painless. Whether you cried and begged, or you silently glared in defeat, he wouldn’t let you out. You accept the hotel’s damp, rotten air, or you choke on it.

[dornish-queen]

Stories of the Melancholy is a compilation of shorts dealing with themes of depression and suicide ideation.  These stories are not intended for all audiences.  Rating: Mature only 21+ and at readers discretion. 

If you are in crisis, there is help.  Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Lifeline CHAT

Trigger Warnings: suicide attempt aftermath, blood, hospitals, mental care facilities, suicide ideation, implied suicide attempt, depression, mental illness, self-harm, bad coping skills, mention of gun, knives, doctors, penis in vagina sex, cock warming, drugs,

By clicking onto the read more, you are consenting to being exposed to content that may be triggering.  If you are sensitive to topics of depression and suicide, I strongly advise you NOT TO READ.

You sat upright on the bed, the gritty taste of the charcoal still in the back of your throat, as the doctor worked on you. Your wrist stung for a moment as he squirted something from a syringe onto your wound, and then the sting was gone. How does one feel in a moment like this, it was completely new to you, but nothing to be proud of. In fact, you felt like a complete failure in every sense, as you looked at the gaping wound on your wrist, it looked like an unzipped purse. This was the stupidest thing you have ever done, so that was what you told yourself, as the first suture went in.

“I’m sorry,” You whispered to the doctor. But all he did was sigh and grunt at you as he continued to stitch your wrist back up. The look on the doctor’s face was of disgust. Like he has better things to do than to patch up a nutcase like you. You know, most of the people that come into the ER actually want to live. The doctor didn’t say that, but you were sure he was thinking that.

You closed your eyes and tried to think of something else, but all you can picture is the knife swiping across your wrist and your flesh peeling open. Curious there was no gush of blood like you had expected, but just an instant leaking onto the countertop. Oh, it’s getting really red, and I’m making a fucking mess of things. I really made a fucking mess of things now. Shit! Well that was a bad idea. The thought was as simple as that. There were no dramatic tears, just a simple feeling that you have really fucked up things now.

You stupid idiot! You can’t even kill yourself right. You fucking cut the wrong way. Well these thoughts aren’t helping me, so shut the fuck up.

After you had filled out all the hospital papers the nurse handed to you, you started to put your clothes back on and asked the nurse if it was alright to go home.

“Oh no, we can’t let you go, dear,” She had a motherly tone to her voice. You looked at the clock on the wall. 1:15 AM.

“What do you mean I can’t go home?” You asked completely perplexed.

“We’re going to have someone take you somewhere to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.” She said kindly.

You fucking idiot! This is what you get! You didn’t think this through, did you?

By the time you arrived at Assisted Outpatient Treatment, it was already 3AM. Your mind had quieted considerably and the gravity of the situation really started to sink in. You jumped slightly as the door closed and you heard the lock click. You were pleasantly surprised to see that you had a room with a cot. Nothing too fancy, but it was clean.

Everything seemed to pass by in a blink and you felt numb. Numb to your surroundings and numb to the circumstances as to why you were there.

Just act normal. You kept saying that over and over in your head and you’ll be able to go home.

When it came time for your evaluation, you gave the best performance of your life. You’re not a danger to yourself! Of course not. You watched as the doctor looked at you closely and squibbed something in his clipboard.

“Okay, dear. I don’t see any reason why we should keep you here longer.” He said. You breathed a sigh of relief as security gave you your personal belongings. You called for a Lyft to pick you up to take you home. Finally, I can just go back to my bed, sleep and put all this behind me.

“You look ready” the Doctor said. You gave him a slight nod. “We don’t want to see you back here a third time, okay?”

He smiled at you before walking away and into his office.

A third time? You thought to yourself. What the fuck is he talking about? You’ve never been here before! Or have you? Your ride came and you got in. Mind distracted and numb. A third time. Was this my second time here? Your stomach sank and felt something knot up in your chest. Looking at the driver, you see your eyes in his rear-view mirror. You look like shit, like a soulless creature. Why aren’t you crying? I should be crying, you would think? But there is nothing.

You turned the key and walked in through your front door. No one home. You walk by the kitchen counter, completely ignoring the bloody mess you made the previous night. You see the red ring all dry, with the kitchen knife right next to it. My god! Is that what I used? Your eyes felt heavy and all you want to do is crawl away into the covers. Just sleep. If you wake fine, I guess so. If you don’t…even better. What the fuck kind of thoughts are these? Just go to sleep and it was all be better.

Your thoughts are a blank and all you can do is stare at the curtains. The sheets feel so cool against your body. The sound of the door clicks and you hear him come in. He’s home now and you’ll have some explaining to do. Your failure hits home and you sink inwards. You barely feel his arms wrap around your waist; his face nuzzles against the back of your neck. His kisses tingle down your neck as he moves to roll you over to face him. His face so serene as he traces his eyes along your body finally coming to stop at the bandage wrapping your wrist. His face drops into the most beautiful sadness you have ever seen. You close your eyes, not wanting to look at the disappointment. Because you know it in your gut it’s there. You feel yourself being scooped up and enveloped into his chest. He doesn’t make a noise. Only rocks you in his arms. Are those my tears or his?

"Again baby?” his husky voice barely audible against your ear.

You felt yourself crack and finally was able to let go.

The mornings are when it hits you the hardest. Your eyes open and the realization sets in that you have to endure another long day. Eyes screwed shut again as you feel that sinking stab in your heart, ever present.

The morning cool air prickling against your skin, as you roll onto your side. When did you change into your sleep shirt? You think to yourself. And then you remember. Stroking down the length of your arm and you feel it on your left wrist, the bandage still there now throbbing pain radiating toward your palm.

Images flood your mind from the night before when you were put in psychiatric hold. There is a shame at being put in a place like that, but there was also a comfort with being around individuals that understood you. Being understood, when you don’t even understand.

Tears form little lakes in your eyes. And it won’t stop now. The pull of sleep beckons you and you welcome it, just to ease the moment. To sleep. Not dream. Not feel. To wake up and live again. Or better yet, to not and just be at peace.

An arm wraps around your waist and pulls you into his chest.

-When did you get here, my Love? -

You thought to yourself as you breathed into his chest, feeling his heart beat against your ear. He had been with you the whole night, just to be here when you would wake. How could you feel so dead inside while he felt so alive pressed against you?

His eyes search your face and you know what he’s looking for. That spark that’s never present on days like this.

You feel his lips hot against your neck, but oh so gentle. The strands of his hair felt soft as you weaved your fingers through them. His lips touched yours oh so gently.

“Come back to me, baby.” He breathed into your kiss deeply and then you feel it. The need that pierces your chest. It’s the pain that lets you know that your soul is healing.

You reach down and feel him alive and pulsing against your thigh, but he doesn’t move. He holds you against him, his hands caressing your face. So beautiful to him. He helps you out of the remainder of your clothing. But you no longer feel the need for it. Feel the need to cover your shame. Not with him here.

You feel his weight on top of you, but unlike the weight of the world, you feel safe. He covers your body with his like a shield, as you trace your hands down his back, rounding toward him throbbing at your entrance, waiting patiently.

His hands cradled your head as his lips moved across your neck, that morning stubble that you love so much, hits a spot beneath your ear that makes you moan.

“Take me home.” You whisper into his ear. A pause and he searches your face, your eyes connecting. Your hands line him up to your opening, legs hitch up higher in acceptance. “I want to come home."

Instantly, his mouth covers yours, tongues dancing against each other deeply, as you feel of his body surge forward. The familiar pinch of him burying himself into your sacred place. He stills when he is fully inside you. A feeling of relief washes over you. A momentary respite. But for now, you are one with him and you feel complete.

Clinging onto him tightly, you feel the small rotation of his hip against yours, oh so slowly pressing into your core.

Your feelings begin to stir at the rhythm of his hips. The pain in your heart dissipating with each little movement of him against you.

-Come back to me, baby. -

His voice repeats over and over in your head. Like a soothing voice you heard when you were lost as a child.

He pulls out and thrusts back into you deep and firm. “Come Back.”

Again, and again.

“Come back.” Your eyes flutter open, meeting with his and he sees it. Your spark had ignited ever so slightly. You felt the flurry of his kisses all over your face and neck. His paper-thin smile hiding that small tremble in his lip.

Your hands reach for both sides of his face, fingers making its way through his hair.

“I’m here.” Your voice barely audible, muted by his moans as he plunges deep into you again and again.

You attempt to raise yourself and he helps to pull you upright against his chest. Arms roaming all over your back as you wrap yours around his neck. His face buried between your breasts, as he continued to drive upward into you.

“Oh my God.” You began to moan loudly, his grunts echoing yours like a harmony of the most beautiful sexual song.

Finally, you begin to move with him. Falling onto every inch of his being as he pierces the heart of you.

You are one.

You feel alive again as you move faster and faster into each other. You feel the pinch of his lips on your nipple and your core bursts and feel it radiate up your spine. He feels your orgasm wash over him, and begins thrusting faster until you feel him spill into you, filling you, making you complete.

Time stills and there is just this moment.

********

You feel yourself being lifted and slowly submerged in the warmest lavender scented water, gentle hands gliding over your body. He is there with you as you lean against him as he washes your hair. You feel your energy level start to come back to you and try to bathe yourself.

“Let me take care of you, Sweetheart.” He kisses your neck and continues to wash you.

A wave of emotion hits you, “I don’t want to be like this.”

“Shhhhh.” He always knows when you’re about to break down. “It won’t be like this forever.”

You allow yourself to believe his words. Look towards to a future with a little bit of hope. He’s offering that light to you, and you take it, if only for a moment.

“Do you think you’ll be able to eat a little bit for me, if I make you something?” His voice soft as he lifts you out of the tub and begins to dry you. You nod your head, leaning against him, a towel wrapping around you.

“I can do that.”

You had been feeling better for a few weeks now and feel the worst had subsided, when it hits you like a ton of bricks. It had only been a careless comment from a defensive person directed at you, but that’s all it took. God, you are so fucking weak! You think to yourself. You feel a sense of anger at not being understood, yet begin to wonder if it really is YOU that’s the problem.

Take yourself out of this situation. That’s the best bet. Go for a drive, calm your fucking nerves for a bit. Walk through a bookstore, that usually does the trick. Two hours later and you still feel like you’re about to break, only now you’re in the middle of a bookstore and everyone will see how crazy you really are. Walk through the Self-Help section, browse through at least ten books about depression and suicide. You’re sure there’s at least one book, that might be helpful and put your mind at ease, if only for a little while. Get embarrassed when an employee comes up to you and asks if you are finding what you’re looking for. Oh, and you have a book called “Why People Kill Themselves” in your hand. At the same time, you say to her, “No, I’m doing fine. Thank you for asking.” In your most pleasant voice possible at the moment. God, you feel stupid.

You leave the bookstore without buying anything. That was a waste of time. You think to yourself as you sit in your car, about to drive off. A drive to the beach sounds nice and a walk to the end of the pier. The sound of the ocean sounds nice about now, perhaps that’s the place you want to be. It was only a moment’s thought. A fleeting thought, that’s all it is. That’s what you tell yourself. You don’t act on it and decide to drive home.

The lock clicks and you step through your door. Instantly, you feel his hands on each side of your arms turning you to face him.

“Where did you go? I was worried sick!” He bent over to look into your face and you saw it. That momentary flash of anger, and you look down at your feet.

That sinking feeling digs deep into your chest and you feel yourself beginning to crumble as he pulls you into him.

“I promised I wouldn’t do anything. I promised…I promised.” Your voice muffled against his shirt.

“I know, but babe, you can’t just leave like that.” He breathed heavily; his lips pressed against your head. “Thank you for coming home.”

You felt his arms wrapped around you tight, as your tears began to soak the front of his shirt. All you can think of at the moment is how you’re messing up his nice shirt. How you are always messing up something. The grief takes a firm hold of you and it’s all consuming and exhausting. And all he can do is hold you and rub your back. His touch, reminding you that someone is here and that you’re not alone. Willing you to come back to him.

These moments are draining for the both of you and you begin to wonder how much is too much. How much of this can he handle before he’s had enough and leaves? You look up into his face and see that the anger is gone, and you begin to cry all over again.

I’m sorry. You want to say, but he seems to already know what you’re thinking.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re going to be okay.”

Today was a particularly bad day. Although it started out fine, things just started to curve to the left. If things were to go as planned, my therapy session would have started promptly at 8:00.

8:05. No call. That’s okay. The therapist is usually a little late.

8:10. She’s probably just finishing up with another client. Am I a client or a patient?

8:15. Let me message her. We must be having phone issues or something. That has to be it.

8:30. I message her and let her know that I’m sorry. Today just might not be a good day to talk. But Hey! Maybe next week will work out better.

My message sounded more upbeat than I felt and I don’t know why I felt the need to apologize. But I did. I always apologize.

Today doesn’t have to be a bust, I tell myself. Nevertheless, it slowly turns. My brain starts to feel tired and agitated about the littlest, insignificant things. And then the little things I do to cheer me up don’t work. Pictures that normally make me smile don’t. Things that are coming up that, normally, I am excited about…I don’t care if I ever experience them. That’s where I’m at right now. It’s despair with a teaspoon of anger. Anger with people and anger at myself because my thoughts and reasoning make no sense to me.

It’s the thoughts of the gun the soothes the mind. Or swimming out into the ocean as far as I can and not come back. That’s the thought that calms and brings peace.

I hear my therapist’s voice in my head telling me that these thoughts never really go away, but understand that I think that it’s a reality, but it’s not.

And so, I sit here and try to be kind to myself for having these thoughts…

You drop the pen on the coffee table and see him glance away quickly. You close the journal and put on your best smile before going over to see what he’s up to in the kitchen. You wrap your arms around his waist and lean against his back as you breathe in what he’s cooking.

“Smells great. I had no idea I was living with Gordon Ramsey.” You uttered.

He normally doesn’t cook, but he’s got to be quite good at it lately with all the meals he has been making for you.

“Angel Hair pasta with meatballs.” He said excitedly as he lifted the lid off the pan to show you.

“That doesn’t look too bad at all!”

“I made the balls extra big,” he said mischievously, with that adorable crooked smile. “Just the way you like it.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle. What a devil he is. What a boyish, adorable devil!

As you set the table, you heard the unmistakable pop of a wine bottle.

“Oh babe! I get to have wine?” you asked surprised. It had been a while since you drank. That night in fact.

“I thought a little bit would be okay, since I’m here.” He smiled at you. “And you promised that you would eat.”

You notice that he doesn’t fill your glass as high as his, but that’s to be expected, you told yourself.

He fixes your plate with the perfect swirl of pasta. That tang of the marinara agreed with your stomach today. You didn’t feel nauseous at making yourself eat. Not like you normally do.

Maybe because you never felt judged when you’re with him. He never frowned at you for not having the will to eat. Only encouraged you to try, if only it was just a little bit. And you know he won’t be disappointed if you don’t finish that whole plate of pasta, he just gave you.

All through dinner, you see him glancing over at your journal. You have this agreement, that you would let him have access to read it. You promised that what you wrote would be truthful, but he was still supposed to ask first.

He hasn’t asked yet and you start to wonder why. Your mind starts to wander. Thinking too much again. Maybe this is too much for him? You’ve become too much of a burden. Best to cut him loose. Don’t make someone else suffer because YOU have issues.

You felt his hand reach across the table to grasp yours tenderly. You didn’t realize you had stopped eating and your other hand was wiping tears from the side of your face.

“Hey…” his voice so soft, still holding your hand.

You look up and see his beautiful smile and the crinkly eyes you love so much. Not a shroud of anger or disappointment.

“Is it okay if I read this now?” he says as he glances over to your journal. “Can I stay in the room with you while I read?”

You nod your head. That’s all you’re capable of doing at the moment.

He brings you over to the sofa and you curl up next to him. You feel his arm around you as you lean your head against his shoulder. You bring your knees up to your chest as you wound yourself up tight like a ball. The flipping noise of the pages seem so loud to your ears and all you can think of are your words. Where do they come from? If all of this is coming from your brain, then why does your heart hurt so much? The fact that this doesn’t make sense to you, makes you more upset.

A new set of fresh tears stream down your face and you let out a grieved moan. You didn’t know that he had finished reading until you feel both his arms wrap around you.

You feel his fingers moving your tear drenched hair away from your face. His lips kissing you gently, not letting you go. He doesn’t ask you questions about what you wrote. He doesn’t tell you how to feel. He gives you your moment to feel what you need to feel.

His silence speaks volumes.

You take more than the recommended dose this time. Just enough to stay in bed, the body only requires so much sleep, but you know you can’t hurt yourself when you are asleep and in bed. Yes, not the best way to cope, but it will do for now. Stop the world and everything around you, without leaving the world.

It was foolish to open up to people. They don’t need to know. They don’t need to know your past. They don’t need to know you. They don’t want to know. Their minds are made up.

She’s manipulating people….She doesn’t mean it….She’s not sick….She’s not suicidal….She just wants attention….She won’t really do it.

You wish all of this were true. You want to be that liar. You feel yourself sliding and hope the drugs kick in faster. The voices that are determined to hurt you won’t stop.

Reaching over to the side of the bed, you imagine him here with you now. But his side of the bed is cold. Empty to the touch. You decide to sleep on his side and cradle his pillow against your chest. That’s as close as you’ll get for now. You close your eyes. You’re sinking now.

You had been feeling so much better until recently, and you reassured him that you would be fine and that you are doing better. The last thing you wanted him to do was to stay and look out after you. He has a life too. He has his work. Don’t ruin it for him. You remember kissing him good-bye and him smiling back to you.

“It won’t be long.” He breathed into your ear as he kissed you gently and held you tight. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

You remember giving him your best performance smile you could muster as you waved good-bye. And that last thing you see is that cute, boyish smile with the crinkled eyes. Keep that image and hold on to that. If that’s the last thing you remember of him, you would be okay with that. NO. Don’t think that. Tomorrow is going to be so much better than today. Think about that!

You know that if he was here, he would pull you into his chest. You’d feel his arms around you and he would say the right things, or nothing at all. Because sometime saying nothing, helps the most.

Your cellphone starts blasting you with notifications. He had asked for friends to check up. That’s probably it. You look at your phone.

- Hey Sweetie. Just wanted to see how you are doing?

- I’m fine, honey! Thank you for checking up on me :)

You’ve grown used to lying. It’s better and puts people at ease. Because they really don’t need to know. You don’t need to cause any worry for nothing.

One more ping on my phone.

I love you. – P

That’s all he says. That’s all he ever says. And it is enough. It’s enough to make you try harder. It’s enough to make you want to stick around, if only a little bit longer. He is a world away from you, but still manages to pull you back. You’ve lingered enough in your “cloud”. The cloud is not your safe place. He is.

Ping.

Another notification on your phone. It’s him again.

- Hi Babe! Love you back. I’m doing fine.

You were going to text him “see you soon”. But you didn’t.

The intrusive voice is back to pester you.

She’s just trying to manipulate people.

I can’t wait for tomorrow. Everything will be good and you’ll feel so much better. You repeat this to yourself. And one day it will be.

These fucking pills aren’t working fast enough. Fuck it and just take another.

“What happened while I was gone?” His fingers caressing down the side of your body, your fingers mirroring his actions.

You lay with each other side by side, facing each other. You enjoy moments like this where it’s quiet and your both completely naked with each other, but there’s no expectations for anything. You both just live in the moment with each other. Two souls bare in every way. Sometimes you have deep conversations and just fall asleep like this. Other times, all you do is mirror each other’s touch. Sometimes there is sex, sometimes not, but there is always intimacy and openness.

“What happened while I was gone? He repeats and you hesitate just long enough for him to break contact with you. You feel his fingers tuck a stray hair behind your ear as he looks into your eyes. He can tell you haven’t been eating properly, his eyes keep moving toward your hip bones, more pronounced.

“I took some pills.”

“And…” He knows. He always knows.

“I went online to look for a gun.”

He takes your hand that was caressing his hip and brought it up to his lip, his facial hair tickled the top of your hand. You see him close his eyes tight and felt his breath grow heavy.

“What did you do?” He said quietly, still holding your hand to his lips.

“I didn’t buy it. I only looked.” Finally, he was looking at you, his eyes creased. “I had a bad night and I thought it would help.”

“And did it? Help?” He seemed to move his body closer to you.

“No…I just felt stupid afterwards…and…” You break contact with his eyes and take your hand away from him and begin stroking his shoulders, as though you are searching for something, anything familiar.

“and what?” He presses gently, feeling your tension build.

“…broken. I feel broken.” You don’t realize that he’s stroking your hips in the same way you are caressing his shoulder.

“And the pills? How many?”

“Not a lot. Just enough to make me sleep.” You saw the crease in his eyes again, like he doesn’t believe you. And you feel yourself beginning to panic. “I was afraid of myself, that’s all. I just wanted to sleep and hope the next day would be better.”

“Why didn’t you call me? We talked about this.” He was challenging your thoughts. But not in a way that made you feel threatened.

“I know. I wanted to do it on my own. Manage on my own. I didn’t want to bother you.” You close your eyes, and let your hands roam across his body and he lets you.

“I want you to bother me. I NEED you to bother me when you feel like this.”

Your hands continue to roam, coming to a stop automatically at his length. You feel his soft curls twirl between your fingers. The touch of him calms your sniffles and then you feel him twitch in your hand.

“I’m sorry.” You pulled back with an embarrassed giggle. But he just pulls you in suddenly, his arms completely around you, holding you tight. Your head buried against his chest.

“What do you have to be sorry about, babe?” he sounded so amused. “You have that affect on me. I’m not sorry about that.”

You realize how pointless it is to feel even remotely embarrassed. You are naked after all and begin to laugh with him. Two naked fools just holding each other and laughing.

You scoot up to meet his lips with yours. You shower him with a fleury of small kisses, ending with a deep slow kiss. He explores your mouth with his slowly. You feel him growing harder, wedged between your legs. You feel his palm on you, his fingers circling your entrance, as his tongue intertwines with yours.

“You have that affect on me too.” You pause for a moment to catch your breath, eyes connecting.

Then all of a sudden, you both burst into a fit of giggles.

“Why are we laughing?” You try to say as you attempt to hold in a giggle with no success.

“I don’t know!” He giggled into your ear. “You started it!”

“You’re still hard!” You laughed louder, as you stroke him.

“I know! It’s your fault!” He laughs as he pulls you on top of him, making nibbling sounds against your neck.

“Do you want me to keep you warm tonight, Love?” You breathe and nuzzle into his ear, finally calming down after a moment.

He nods and begin to spoon, his chest presses against your back. He slides in smoothly from behind you as you feel his hands cup your breast. Are you warming him? Or is he keeping you warm and safe? Perhaps a little of both.

You feel the calm pull of sleep when you hear him whisper into your ear. “Promise me.”

It had only taken you minutes to drive to the beach. You parked your car and made your way toward the pier. The sound of the waves growing louder the closer you got. You had thought of this in detail for so long, it’s as calming as you imagined it to be. As you walk down the pier, you see families getting ready to go home after a day of play, couples enjoying a stroll together. You reach the end of the pier and lean forward against the wood railing, the gentle sloshing of the water below you is so soothing. Closing your eyes, you just listen and smile. The sun is low and the sky around it is painted in swirls of deep warm orange. You feel nothing but peace here and you gaze out and watch the sun drop lower and lower. Your last sunset and there is no pain. Only the sense of relief fills every part of your being. Peace.

As the sun touches the horizon, you see that everyone had almost left for the day, only a few remain like you to watch the sunset. You smile at faces of these wonderful people. They look so content. You know you have to wait until everyone leaves before you do it. Until then, you just enjoy the peacefulness of your surroundings.

You feel your cellphone buzzing in your pocket. It momentarily interrupts your thoughts and a small ping in your chest. Push it away and just watch the sunset. The sun is almost gone.

The phone is going off again. This time you answer it. His is the voice that sings to your soul. You tell him where you are and how fantastic the sky looks and how the sun is almost down.

“I love you. Please come home.”

“But it’s nice here. I like it here.” You continue to gaze at the horizon. The sun is gone.

“I know baby. Just start walking back. I’ll stay on the phone with you.”

A wave of cold washes over you and you feel the tightness in your chest and the pull. The tears pool in your eyes and start to distort your vision.

“Baby?” you say, barely holding it together.

“I’m here. I’m not hanging up. Just follow my voice.”

Your feet begin to take you back to the front of the pier and back to your car. His voice leading the way back to you. You sit down in the front seat of your car with your forehead resting on the steering wheel. The gravity of the situation hitting you.

You manage to drive home safely and begin to put the key into the front door as the door open with whirring force. You feel his arms around you immediately. His embrace is tight and he breathes heavily, trembling, his face pressed to your head.

Quickly, he pulls you inside and grabs your purse and rummages through it.

“Where is it?” He says frantically, dumping the contents onto the floor. “Your gun! Where is it!”

“I don’t have it!” You grab his hand away from your stuff and try to collect them all in your bag. “I told you I didn’t get it!”

“Then why did you go there, ALONE!” He shouts out of frustration. You hear the agony in his voice, in the way he’s looking at you and you know this is all your fault. Everything is your fault.

“I don’t know!” you cried.

Your chest tightens and everything feels so heavy. Your falling and there’s nothing left you can do except to let it happen. It’s no use. What’s the point anymore? You feel yourself being lifted before collapsing completely on the floor. And then you are on your bed, curling into your pillow.

“I can’t do this anymore…. I want it to stop…” as you continue to sob. You feel his hand comforting you, always. Holding your back close against him. He’s got you. But you feel the guilt build. And it hurts you more. “You need to let me go. I just want to go. It will be better. Everything will be better.”

Moments like this are unbearable. And you wonder how much longer can you continue doing this. To yourself and to him. This is not living when every moment you feel yourself dying inside.

“I want you to let me take you somewhere.” His body begins to tremble behind you as you feel his tears hit the side of your neck. “I don’t want to see you suffering anymore.”

“I don’t want to go to the hospital.” You say as you feel your body tighten up some more.

“It’s not like that, baby.” He soothes your head with his hand. “There will be people there that know what you are going through and they’ll be able to stabilize you. And they can help me, help you better. Just think of it like urgent care. Okay, baby. Urgent care for your beautiful brain.”

You turn to face him on the bed, your face a wet mess. But all you see is him smiling at you, his eyes red, but still beautiful.

“But people will look at me funny.”

“Well, they’ll have to say I look funny too.” He says reassuringly, wiping the tears from your face.

“But you don’t look funny. You’re pretty handsome.” You said quietly, a half giggle in between sobs.

He chuckles quietly as he kisses you tenderly on the lips. “Are you ready to go?”

You hold on to him tight, feeling his shoulder against your face and you silently nod.

[nightashes]

Anxceit!! With Virgil having stood up for Janus, Virgil got hurt, and Janus now has to help him!!

You Help Me. I Help You.

a/n: Thanks so much for suggesting this! You’ll have to let me know what you think!

warnings: bullies. blood. violence.

ao3 version - writing masterlist

The sun is high in the sky. A few clouds drift by, wispy in appearance. As if an artist had taken a paintbrush and lightly blended them into the blue of the atmosphere. Janus sits amongst a collection of philosophy books, full of sticky notes and highlighter. His computer lies open in his lap, an empty word document stares out from the screen, mocking the student. Taunting him with the blinking of the text cursor, as more and more minutes pass without anything new to add to the page.

Janus has plenty to say on society. On morals he could rant for hours. Gender roles, he might as well clear his schedule for the day. But, the philosophy of love? He just couldn’t bring himself to care. 

Marriage is just a made up cultural obligation that society forces everyone to care about. Oh, these people love each other! Let’s spend all of our money on an unnecessary ceremony that will force the couple to stay together or face tons of debt to undo. And that’s just marriage. Romance in general is completely overrated, overpraised, and overdone. 

Janus sighs, shifting his capelet on his shoulders in agitation. With spring slowly turning to summer, his signature outfit was beginning to grow uncomfortable in the heat. But did Janus care? Absolutely not. Beauty was pain and he loves his bowler hat and capelet more than society loves its billionaires. 

He stares out across the campus lawn, scowling. The warm weather not only threatens his comfort but it has attracted hordes of students, crowding together to distract people like him that actually have papers to write. Warm weather is just awful. Truly horrid. Nothing good about it. He thinks to himself, watching a nearby group of students push and prod each other, their laughter loud and obnoxious. And to his left, another student, similarly dressed in dark clothing lounges beneath a tree. He spies Janus watching him and gesturing to the loud group rolls his eyes in annoyance. Janus smiles back, nodding in agreement. The purple clad student smirks. Flipping to a new page in his notebook. He begins sketching, quick and messily he runs his pen across the lined paper. Drawing hurriedly, and sneaking glances at the group before them. Catching Janus’s eye once done, he grins deviously. Flipping the notebook over, the student dramatically reveals a rather rough sketch of the three being attacked by a giant snake. Their shocked and terrified expressions caused the philosophy major to burst out into a deep and ruckus laughter. Booming out through the area, it shocks the offending group into silence. They turn around seeking the source of the sound. “What the fudge, you laugh like a Disney villain.” The one wearing a puka necklace calls out.

Janus stifles his chuckles, as the three make their way over to his position. “What are you even laughing at? Did your imaginary friend tell a joke?” A guy in a baseball cap, who thinks himself clever, speaks with bravado.

His friend with the sunglasses continues. “Are you seriously wearing a cape right now? What are you, some kind of nutcase?”

“A cape, I have no idea what you could possibly be referring to? I’m wearing a perfectly boring and unoriginal outfit just like you three fashionistas?” Janus speaks, sarcasm dripping with each word, his eyes glinting with mischief.

“Did he just insult us?” Baseball cap questions. Genuinely looking confused. Janus can’t help but chuckle at the poor fellow.

“Oh, of course not. It was a compliment. I love it when people think wearing jeans and a t-shirt makes them an individual. You three must be so brave. I applaud you.” He slowly claps his hands, emphasizing each word. ”Good job on being so unique.”

Baseball Cap grabs the front of Janus’s jacket, lifting him up to a standing position. The brute leans in closely, his breath stinking of onions. He whispers menacingly. “You think you’re smarter than us? You think you’re better than us? You're wearing a frickin’ Halloween costume in April. You’re a freak.”

“Takes a freak to know a freak.” Janus breaks in. The brute throws him to the ground. He lands on his computer, a loud crack filling the air as the screen digs into his back. He winces painfully.

“HEY!” A voice, rough and angry, yells over the commotion. Janus rolls his head to the side, seeking the source of the shout. The darkly clad student is marching over, his fists are lowered to his side, his face dark, and his features pinched in rage. “GET AWAY FROM HIM!” His voice booms, venom dripping from his words as he shoves his way through the group, trying to reach Janus. 

Puka necklace grabs the hood of his jacket. Yanking him back into the center of their crew. Sunglasses grasp the student’s chin, “Well, well, well, What do we have here? Does the freak have a friend?”

The student glares back daggers, opens his mouth, and seizes Sunglasses’s hand between his teeth. He bites down hard, eliciting a scream of pain. Puka Necklace yanks him away from Sunglasses, while Baseball Cap gives him a right-hook to the check. The student collapses to the ground. Sunglasses kicks him in the ribs, clutching onto his bleeding hand. He lets loose a string of curse words. Kicking out again at the already down student, before stomping off. His buddies follow, angrily yelling and gesturing maddeningly.

With them gone, Janus rushes to the fallen student. The injured man lies on the ground, curled into a fetal position. His arms wrapping around him in comfort and protection. Janus kneels beside his fellow student. 

“Hey, hey don’t worry. You’re okay.” He whispers assurances as his gloved hand rests on the boy’s shoulder.

The student weakly shoves his hand away. “Leave me alone.” He snarls, trying his best to rise. He manages to crouch onto his knees. His palms pressed into the fertile green grass of the campus lawn. He bends his fingers, digging his nails into the soil, breathing heavily from his mouth. A drop of blood is smeared across his lower lip. “I’ve got this.” The student sighs.

Janus appraises the stubborn student. “Yeah. I can see that.” He shakes his head in exasperation. The philosophy major sits there in silence, his chin resting in his hand as he watches the much too proud student attempt to stand. The purple clad man clutches his ribs as he brings his legs up beneath him. Trying to shift onto his feet, only to wobble and fall to his side. 

“Ugh, everything hurts.” He groans.

“Oh really? Because I thought you were doing great? But, please, do let me know if you need a hand?”

“I’m fine.” The student spits, lying on his back, clearly not fine.

Janus rolls his eyes at the obvious lie. “Are you always this stubborn or is it only on Tuesdays?”

The student shifts his eyes to the side, examining his odd companion. “Just Tuesday and Thursdays. Although on Sundays I flip a coin.”

An amused tsk escapes Janus’s lips. “Well, I do appreciate the help with that gang. Running in like you did. You’re a true hero.” Janus bats his eyes, while his “savior” scrunches his face in annoyance. 

“Oh har-de-har-har. You’re a real comedian.”

“No, really, I mean it. You… well.. You tried to help. And I suppose, that’s a nice thing to do. It’s a shame it backfired so spectacularly.”

“Yeah, well, that’s the story of my life, I suppose.”

“Things would probably go a little better if you’d let me help you. The name’s Janus by the way.” He sticks out a hand to the supine student.

“Virgil.’ His attempted savior answers, giving an odd two-finger salute in response.

Janus smiles, refusing to withdraw his hand. “Will you let me help you, Virgil?”

Virgil stares into the sky, genuinely considering his options. “I suppose I’ve already made a big enough fool of myself.” The purple student declares to the universe, finally taking hold of the offered hand.

The philosophy major growls at the self deprecation. “Wow, you truly are a fool.” Janus pulls his “savior” into a sitting position. 

Virgil winces at the movement. “Thanks for the motivation.” 

“No, really, you are an absolute fool. Stay here, I have some napkins in my bag.”

“Uhh...How am I a fool?” Virgil questions, watching Janus grab his bag and return, holding a napkin up to Virgil’s face. 

“The fact that you think accepting help makes you a fool.”

“Yeah. Yeah. I get it. Everyone needs help. Oh, thanks.” Virgil winces as Janus applies the napkin to his lip. 

“No, you clearly don’t get it. Hold that there.” Janus releases the napkin into Virgil’s grasp, pulling out his phone to text Remus. “My roommate is pre-med. I’ll see if he’s free. Can you lift up your shirt? I need to see your ribs.”

“Uhh.. is that necessary?” Virgil blushes red and well… Janus just couldn’t pass it up. He leans in. 

“Is something wrong? You’re flushing red?” He hurriedly removes a glove from his hand. Pressing his bare palm to the forehead of the injured student. He leans in close, smiling. “You’re not feverish. Could it be… that you find me attractive?” His smile is wicked.

Virgil scowls pushing him away. “Please, just because you’re dressed like a Disney villain, does not mean I think you’re cool or attractive or anything.”

“Wait.” Janus reels back. “You like my outfit?”

“I mean, yeah. It’s just so unashamedly you. And well, Disney villains are just cool.”

“I can’t argue with that.” Janus leans in close again. “But I still would like to check your ribs. If you’d allow me.”

“Ummm… okay.” He lifts his shirt up slowly. Revealing bruises that are already beginning to show. “Is that bad? That looks bad?”

“Absolutely not. Ribs are supposed to look like that.” Janus jokes. Virgil does not find it funny in the slightest. He sighs. “You’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I’ve seen worse than this.”

“You have?”

“Yeah. The roommate I mentioned. He gets into quite a few scrapes. He’s a lot like us. Unabashedly himself.” Janus speaks gently pressing his fingers to the ribs as Remus had taught him. 

Virgil winces at the touch. “Maybe that’s not the best thing to be.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Virgil. Being myself is why you find me attractive.”

Virgil blushes, spluttering. “What??”

“It’s okay.” Janus smirks. “It’s why I find you attractive too.”

Virgil is practically gasping for air, the poor fellow. Janus pulls Virgil’s shirt back into place. He rises to stare into his savior’s eyes. “Well, I think you’ll be fine until Remus gets here. Until then, do you think I could have your number?”

The purple student gulps, nodding his head vigorously. He attempts to speak. His voice cracking. He pauses. And tries again. “Yes. Yeah. Um… okay.” He speaks quietly. 

Janus unlocks his phone. Handing it over, he leans in to watch as the student types in his number, trying his best not to smile from ear to ear. “Thank you for letting me help you, Virgil.” He whispers as his phone is returned to him. Taking it back, he lightly lifts Virgil’s hand to his lips. Kissing the back of his fingers. “I think you’ve just helped me write my paper.”

awesome people to tag: @stop-it-anxiety @rainboots-are-for-snobs @hexatrash @ollyollyoxinfree @battlebunnyteardropsinthesun @leiasolo77

[ohprettyweeper-moved]

No Secret Anymore

Summary: You’ve been receiving flowers for weeks from a secret admirer. Finally, he makes himself known. Characters: Josh, Tyler, Reader (Pairing may be obvious early on, but I wanted to try and keep it a secret!) Word Count: 1285 A/N: Lots of thanks for help on this one! This was borne of a prompt from @razor-tothe-rosary, which is the first one bolded in the fic! Then, I found another which fit the fic well, so it’s also bolded (in two parts). Oh, and @adversaryproject found the words on the first card. @apurdyfulmind was a huge help with thinking through the title! Thank you Ashley and Ashley and Beth for always encouraging my fluff ideas! Hope everyone enjoys!  

Recommended Listening: No Secrets - Van Stephenson

When you arrived home from work, your mind was racing with everything you need to accomplish before the end of the day. All of those thoughts came to a screeching halt, however, when you saw the bouquet of flowers on your front porch.

You smiled nervously, felt your cheeks heat with anticipation, and dropped your bags right there on the steps. Taking the card from its plastic stand, you dropped to the top step to read the printed words.

“‘Your eyes stole all my words away’,” you read aloud.

With a sigh, you tucked the card back into its stand, picked up your bags and the flowers, and worked on getting the door unlocked. This had been going on for weeks, you coming home to an unannounced bouquet of flowers, some sweet, mysterious message on the card. There was never a signature, no one ever claimed responsibility … you were both giddy and frustrated.

Your to-do list went out the window as you thought of nothing but the flowers now sitting on your coffee table.  

“I mean, c’mon. This has been going on for weeks,” you sighed over a FaceTime call. “You think this guy is ever going to out himself?”

“Maybe he’s afraid to tell you who he really is, but he wants you to feel special, so he’s sticking to this anonymity thing,” Josh offered. “Tyler says you should just take the flowers and not worry about the guy.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course Tyler is saying that. No one ever gets his approval.”

Tyler grinned, and your heart skipped a beat. The two of you had been close friends since high school when you were assigned a top locker and Tyler had the bottom one, but offered to switch you so that you could reach better. He was one of your best friends, and you were one of his. Your feelings for him had always been there, but you knew better than to expect the feelings to be returned, thanks to the comments he often made about how dating you would be like dating his sister. So, your crush remained a secret and you just tried not to dwell on the matter.

After chatting with Josh and Tyler for a few more minutes, you felt more at ease about the whole situation. You ordered a pizza and got to work on that to-do list while you waited for the delivery guy.

Two weeks later, another bouquet of flowers showed up at your front door. The anticipation this time was a mix of excitement and anxiety; how long was this going to go on?

You brought the flowers inside and set them on the kitchen table, then went to your room to change your clothes. With your face washed and your hair in a messy bun, you stood in front of the flowers and tapped your foot.

“I could just not read the card,” you said out loud. “I could ignore it, enjoy the flowers while they last, and not worry about the card.”

But who were you kidding? When the suspense got to be too much, you marched back into the kitchen and snatched the card from its stand – and it was a good thing you did, too.

Time for you to know who I am. 7:30 tonight, front porch.

That put you in a panic. What if this person was a nutcase? You could be murdered on your front porch!

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Tyler chuckled when you called him with an update. “Josh and I just got back into town, it was supposed to be a surprise, but I’ll go ahead and tell you. I’ll come over before seven-thirty, just to make sure you’re safe and not alone.”

You breathed a deep sigh of relief. “Thank you! And also, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were coming home!”

“Like I said, smarty-pants. It was supposed to be a surprise.”

You smiled. “All right, all right. I ought to go put my face back on and improve my appearance in general. See you soon?”

“I’ll bring take-out.”

Feeling much better overall, you disconnected the call and scrambled to make yourself beautiful again.

Tyler rang your doorbell just after seven, his hands full of take-out. You followed him to the kitchen where he unloaded the food, and pulled two plates from the cupboard.

“Don’t bother,” you said, waving him off. “I’m too nervous.”

He put one plate back. “You’re going to have to eat eventually, you know.”

“I will, I promise. After this guy shows up and I figure out … I don’t know. If I’m interested or not, or whatever.”

“Maybe he’s old,” Tyler teased, his cheek full of food.

You laughed, appreciating that he was attempting to ease your nerves. You managed a couple small bites while the two of you visited. At seven-twenty-eight, you took a deep breath and stood from your chair.

“Guess I should go outside and wait.”

Tyler nodded. “I’ll be right here, if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” you smiled.

There was no one out there yet, but you knew it was coming soon. The door behind you opened, and Tyler stepped out.

“Forgot something in my car,” he said quietly.

You almost didn’t hear him. Checking your watch, you saw that time was counting down to seven-thirty. Your rendezvous with your secret admirer was just seconds away.

Footsteps coming up the porch drew your attention. You turned, knowing this was the moment you had been waiting for since you read the card with the flowers that had arrived earlier that day. There stood Tyler, a fresh bouquet of flowers in his hand. In that moment, he uttered two words that changed everything.

“It’s me.” He took another step closer to you.

Your jaw dropped and a weak finger pointed at him. “You … but … what about … you’ve always said …”

Tyler nodded. “Yeah, I know. When we met, I wasn’t in a good place. Everything was okay on the outside, but on the inside … I thought you deserved better, so I promised myself I would never fall in love with you. Do you remember that time after the basketball game when I drove you home and we stayed out way past curfew? I told myself it was because you and I had gotten to be such good friends, but it was four A.M. and we were laughing way too hard, and I felt happy for the first time in a long time, and I knew I was screwed.”

Tears welled in your eyes as you listened to him tell you everything. When he was done, you took a step closer to him, and so did he. You licked your lips and fought down the lump in your throat.

“Put the flowers down.”

Tyler face fell. “Are you disappointed?”

You shook your head. “No, not at all. But I want both of your arms tight around me when you kiss me.”

His somber expression turned to a full-on grin. The flowers dropped to the porch as Tyler’s arms went around you and his lips pressed softly to yours. When your mind could function again you pulled away.

“Please tell me this isn’t like kissing your sister,” you teased.

Tyler laughed. “I only said that because I wanted you to argue, you know. I didn’t think I was good enough for you, but somehow, if you initiated things, I thought it would be better. Took you too long, though.”

“I’m willing to make up for lost time,” you smiled, leaning close to him again.

Tyler did the same. “Don’t worry, we’ve got all the time in the world.”

[channiespeach]

Love, Chan

genre: college! fluff! angst! best friends to lovers! bang chan au ~gif: @felixynthesis

word count: 4934 

prompt: sorta a spin off from the English film ‘Love, Rosie’ (this is my favorite movie ever, highly recommend!). Chan befriended you your first year of college, him being an upperclassman and majoring in psychology as well. The two of you met during a heated class discussion about abortions and hit things off from there, becoming the closest of friends. Unfortunately, keeping no more than the title of being his ‘best friend’, never prevented you from falling helplessly in love with your best friend. One night, you and Chan went to a party together, in which resulted to Chan getting intoxicated and kissing you. Before you could confess your feelings to Chan based on the previous night’s occurrences, he ended up getting into a relationship. The two of you went on pretending that, that night never happened and you pushed your feelings further underneath the rug. 

~

Don’t cry, you’re a bad bitch. You should’ve known this would come sooner or later, you put yourself into this trap by falling for your bloody best friend!

“I’ve always thought that of all people who’ll support me, you were always one of them” Chan’s fist aggressively hit the alleyway’s brick wall, beside your head. “I was wrong” He chuckled bitterly. Sweat was trickling down his collar bones, evidently from the loose black material of his low cut t-shirt. His lips were pressed together in a tight line, veins protruding all over the place. His eyes were glossed, beaming with redness and his breathing was sporadic, his movements fidgeting. I knew better than anyone when he’s angry, presently being no different. 

“I support you more than anyone in your entire fucking lifetime ever could and you’re damn aware of that!” I scoffed defensively at his remark. “There’s a difference between being supportive and looking out for someone” I spoke calmly, choosing my words carefully so things won’t be taken out of context. I kept a confident composure, straightening my posture and initiating eye contact, showing that I’m not intimidated by him in the slightest. 

“Don’t be pulling the superhero card on me!” Chan threw his head back dramatically, laughing menacingly.  “Because if that was really the case, then why do you feel the need to constantly butt yourself into my personal life? I’m allowed to have relations with others outside of our friendship and I don’t need your approval” I must admit, that stung and left a flavor of distaste in my mouth. He made it seem as though I was controlling every aspect of his life, when it’s been far from. I’ve always been so selfless when it comes to him, in fact. I’ve stayed up for ungodly hours helping him prepare special songs to please her and I’ve gotten up past the dead of night to go over and console him until he was sane enough, whenever they’d have fights. I’ve always been nothing but dependable to him and listened to the dysfunction his dear heart pelted.  All this has never left the most beneficial mark on my emotional state, but I’d rather keep him happy than myself. For awhile now, I’ve come to an understanding that I’ll never be her. She’s the center of his universe, the blue in his eyes, and the air he purely breathes. I could never compete with that. Although, such things have never kept me from being someone he can always rely on. It’s always been my duty as a best friend.

“Do you know how ridiculous you’re sounding right now?” I took a step closer to him, crossing my arms. “Why do you stoop so much lower than what you deserve, Channie?” I croaked, my voice softening and losing some of its tranquility. I’m not going to cry, not in front of him at least. Save the water works for when you get home.

“Only my real friends get to call me that” He sneered at me. I lost my cool from there, as much as I’d let my heavy heart be continuously outweighed by him. One thing I couldn’t stand any longer is watching my best friend get hurt, him being fully unaware of her motive. The boys even agreed with me, so I wasn’t the only one seeing this. It was time I put my foot down and if he can’t even handle the truth put to him gently, then there’s no other way. 

“God! How can you be so in denial?” I groaned exasperatedly, dropping my arms to my sides and balling them into fists. Before he could interject, I cut him off, “No, it’s time you listen to me for once! I’ve been nothing but a true friend to you, even though you’re saying either wise. I’ve never been taken into accountability for how much I do for you. Are you aware of how much sleep I’ve lost over you in the past just to make sure that you’re okay? I’m not complaining because I’d do it all in a heart beat for you over and over again” I took a shaky breath, continuing, “And the fact that you’d take her word over someone whose wanted nothing but the best for you for over three years, when you’ve only known her for a few months? Chan, she’s just stringing you along, as well as many others. It’s time for you to stop caring so much for others and allow yourself to be taken care of” 

“I’m in denial?” He scoffed. “You’re just hung up from when we kissed at that stupid party. The only person you’re looking out for is yourself! You can’t stand me being happy with someone else that’s not you and never will be you. You’re so fucking selfish!” He spat at me, before saying the seven most hurtful words in existence, “I’d choose her over you any day” Next thing I knew, I slapped him. I lost all sight of myself, but I was far from caring at this point. 

“Fine. You no longer have to deal with the burden of feeling like I’m restricting you from associating with the outside world anymore. Congratulations!” Giving him a disdainful smile, I allowed the pools of tears to spill down my cheeks, before turning away from him. For a second, I could’ve sworn his expression softened, but it was too late because I’d already left. 

☾  3 years ago

“It’s true that abortions are one of the single most disgusting things humanely possible, but that doesn’t always mean that whoever chooses to pursue the procedure are all insensitive human beings” I argued. 

“Doesn’t mean that some of them can be. There are options, such as adoption if the parents can’t be responsible enough to raise the child themselves” The fluffy blond, whose been debating with me for the past 20 minutes, stated. It’d be an understatement that I was attracted to him. He was courageous, thought carefully before speaking and was confident with how he held himself up. Not to mention, he was cute. His wavy, bleached hair was messily sprawled across his head, framing the front of his face, looking similarly to a stem of broccoli. But, gave his exterior a cute puppy dog look. He was not too tall and not too short, but still towered over me a decent amount. He was fixated in an over-sized grey sweatshirt (did I mention guys in grey sweatshirts are my weakness). He had the fullest blushed lips I’ve ever encountered, which were always concocted into the most beautiful smirk. Other times, he was smiling so bright that it could cure cancer itself. Goddamn, was I swooning and there was no doubt about it. I’ve noticed him around plenty of times, since we’re both majoring in psychology and taking similar classes. But, I was too scared to act upon anything. But, of course I’m going to keep my guard up until I win this damn debate. Yes, he may be cute but, he’s not getting away with it that easily. Nothing gets in the way of my snarky attitude. 

“You have a point. I agree that having an abortion is an inexcusable act, but what if the father is an abusive nutcase who’d refuse to sign the adoption papers or something and the child would be forced to be had in a hostile environment? This world’s a cruel place, after all. I agree with you that adoption should be the main verdict, instead of an abortion. Although, I can’t come to terms with you that anyone who decides to go through with the operation are all insensitive people because there could always be more to it” I took my time to present my argument in a time manageable manner, so the discussion would be closed by the time class is dismissed and no more additional comments could made. 

“I’m Chan” The flimsy blond introduced himself, extending out his hand to me and flashing me a dimply smile. & that’s how all great things aligned. 

☾ almost 1 year ago

“No way, you’re high! I’m not going to a party the weekend before finals. That’s outrageous!” I exclaimed, opposed to Chan’s proposition. 

“Y/N, you’re such a drag! Won’t you loosen up for just this once and live a little?” Chan groaned, giving me the most displeased look imaginable. 

“Absolutely not! You do understand how important this graded debate is, right? I have so much preparation and notes to work on, yet. Unlike you, I actually want to get far in life” I scoffed at his nonsense and he chuckled lightly at my persistence, throwing his head forward cutely. 

“You do realize how important this party is for me right? It’s being thrown by Changbin, meaning it’s going to be the party of the year and there’s going to be so many hot girls there!” He emphasized dramatically, making his argument more unappealing. My heart stopped for a second from the mention of other girls, making me despise going even more. 

“Then just bring one of those other bitches, instead. I’m not going!” I snapped at him, shoving all my materials in my bag, aggressively and stomping out of the library. I understand I’m being temperamental for no reason, but is he fucking serious? Is he really going to torture me like that and drag me to a party to hustle other females, in fucking front of me? Even though, he’s completely unaware of my feelings towards him, but still! 

“What’s up with you? Are you on your period or something? Goddamn!” He scampered in front of me, in response to my abrupt movements. I gasped in astonishment, preparing to continue my angry march. “Wait! I really want you to go. I want nothing more, but for you out of anyone else to accompany me tonight” He pleaded, placing his hands atop my shoulders to stop me in my tracks. I huffed, fixating my bag’s strap on my shoulder and shook off his touch. Before I could argue, he cut me off, already knowing what I’m about to say, “Enough with the damn debate, Y/N. Just wing it! You’ll do great, I have faith in you” He cupped my cheeks, smooshing them both together, continuing. “Pretty please, Y/N? Your best friend needs you, please help him” His eyes twinkled at me, smiling down at me irresistibly. He made it nearly impossible for me to say no with those damned dimples of his, unfair. 

I tilted my head slightly to look up at him and dropped my shoulders, debating internally with myself. Being the weak bitch I am, I gave in, “Fine, but I swear to god, Chan, if you make one more comment about my period again, deal’s off!” He smirked and nodded, in response to getting his way. “By the way, you’re in charge of bringing the bottle and whatever the fuck else” I deadpanned, poking his chest with my pointer finger. I made sure to keep my hard ass composure to show he didn’t fully one up me, even though he’d had, but he doesn’t need to know that. 

“You got it, hard ass” He saluted me, draping an arm around my shoulder. “For a second there, I could’ve sworn you were in love with me or something” Oh fuck you, you piece of shit. 

“That’s the most outrageous thing you’ve said all day” 

-

Luckily, Chan didn’t hustle any girls at the party like I thought he would, but got piss drunk not even an hour in, instead. Boy, is he lucky I have mom like instincts. Unfortunately, I was tipsy myself, so I wasn’t thrilled to have to babysit him. So, we ended up leaving, when I was a few drinks in. As much as I wanna tell myself I’m mad at him, I’m relieved we left before the drunk hoes could acknowledge his beauty. Leaving the party itself was a bitch, he was practically draping over me, giving off an illusion we’re together. Shit, I wasn’t complaining though.

“Y/N, you have to listen to me!” Chan exclaimed loudly, when I shoved him onto the bed.

“Channie, you should really get some rest. It’s been a long night and you’re drunk” I spoke in a hushed voice, seating myself on the edge of Chan’s bed. “You know, you’re not as light as you look” I teased him, rubbing my sore blades. 

“But Y/N, I just want to tell you how much I love you and appreciate you for always taking such good care of me. You’re the best, best friend I could ever have!” He continued his loud administrations, but I couldn’t help but giggle softly at how cute he’s being.

“I love you too Channie and I appreciate that and all, but you really need to lower your voice. You’re making a lot of commotion and we don’t need someone to make a call thinking someone’s getting killed or something” I shushed him, putting my index finger to his lips. 

“I love you more! You’re so pretty!” He chirped, keeping the same volume control and sat up along beside me from his laying position. I tilted my head slightly at him, baffled as he placed a hand on the farthest side of my face, his fingers dancing on my skin. My heart skipped a beat at his next move, he closed the space between us and intertwined our lips. Was I really kissing my best friend right now? I felt a surge of butterflies kissing me from head to toe and I was seeing the world in different colors. For me, this was a dream come true, but I was so confused as to why this all felt so right to me. I didn’t feel a sense of guilt kissing my best friend, unsure if he feels the same way about me. I felt at pure bliss and like I was at home, being entangled in his hold. In this moment, I realized that whether Chan loves me or not, he is my home. The kiss was nearly a peck and lasted only for a brief second, but I felt and concluded a lot in that short second, like the way his lips felt pressed with mine

“Will you lay with me until I fall asleep?” He spoke, looking at me with uncertainty. I couldn’t tell if it was because he regretted kissing me or if he’s scared I’ll tell him no. Whatever the reason, I felt my heart tear right down the middle. Did he not feel anything? “Please?” He begged in a small voice, breaking my thoughts. I’m trying my hardest not to feel this strongly about him, but he just makes things so hard. How could I not love him? It’s so selfish to love someone and expect them to love you back, if it’s unclear. Especially your best friend. I nodded, fixating myself beside him. I just can’t seem to tell him no, I’m weak when it comes to him, no matter how much I speak either wise. He pulled me by the small of my waist, molding our bodies so close together, that I was engulfed into him completely and could hear his heartbeat.  His head was snuggled atop of my chest with my chin rested on his scalp, and my fingers weaving through his frizzy curls. I continued my administrations, until he was coaxed to sleep. 

“Oh Chan, I think I won the argument for who loves who the most” 

I haven’t talked to Chan all weekend since the party, but it was fine since I had lots of preparation to do for exams. After all, being a student majoring in psychology is a lot of work. Although, as selfish as it sounds, I’m a bit disappointed he hasn’t tried to contact me. I knew sooner or later that I had to face my problems and confess, whether he reciprocated them or not. I couldn’t run and avoid my feelings towards him for forever, as much as I desired the idea. During the time span of being away from him, I’d decided that first thing after the class debate, I’m going to confront him. 

“Hey, Y/N” Chan approached me once class was dismissed, while I was packing up all my materials meticulously. “I just wanted to apologize for going MIA on you this weekend, I’ve been pretty busy and hungover as fuck” He chuckled deeply, his dimples kissing at his cheeks prominently. 

“No worries, Channie! I’ve been so busy studying for this debate to notice” I giggled at him halfheartedly, ruffling down his angelic locks. Lies. “Any who, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. Would you wanna grab some coffee and catch up?” I finished, biting my lip nervously and kicking the toe of my sneaker out into the dirt. 

“Yeah! That’d be great actually. I’ve been meaning to tell you some news as well” Chan agreed, smiling so wide that angels were dancing around his face. “I’ll text you, okay? I just got some stuff to sort out real quick and I’ll meet you there later” He chimed cheerily, backing away from me before exiting the classroom, after I’d nodded in approval. My body froze up after he’d disappeared, was I blushing? I raised up my hand to my warm cheeks, in conformation, that I indeed was. 

channie: Meet you there at 5? Can’t wait to see you! :) me: ahahaha me too. see ya then!

Time flew by quickly and before I knew it, the clock already striked 4:45 pm. I checked myself in the mirror quickly, fixating the frizzy strands of hair falling out of my messy bun that had gotten stuck in my circular glasses, before heading out. 

Walking up to the cafe, I saw Chan seated in our usual spot by the window. A smile brimmed its way onto my features, my heart swelling at just the sight of the love of my life. Then, reality punched me in the face when a girl sat herself by his side. She had short hair with thin bangs and long features, overall she was beautiful. She was everything I’m not, of course he’d go for her. I felt tears well up into my eyes, cussing at myself for being so stupid. I dodged a corner before I could make eye contact with him and cried for a few short minutes, that felt like an eternity of heartbreak. I heaved, pulling myself together before entering the cafe, a smile forged on my face. 

“Y/N, you’re here! I was starting to get worried, you’re late” Chan greeted me, as I seated myself across from him. “I’ve been meaning for you to meet someone. This is my girlfriend, Yuri” Chan introduced us, continuing, “Yuri, meet my best friend, Y/N” 

“It’s so nice to meet you! Congratulations to the both of you!” 

I felt like I’d been shot.

☾ 3 months ago

I’d been awoken from my slumber to the ringer of my phone blaring mercilessly and its brightness illuminating my face. It can’t be time for morning classes already, it’s still dark and there’s no such thing as daylight savings here. I groggily reached for my phone, seeing a call from Chan. Has something happened?

“Hello?” I yawned. I heard sniffles and heavy panting on his side of the line. “What happened? Is everything okay?” I sat up alarmed, my voice losing its drowsiness and becoming coated with a thick layer of worry instead. 

“Y/N, I know it’s late, but, I-I just really need you right now. Can you come over?..” Chan sobbed. I only could make out snippets of what he said because he was crying like a bitch. 

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. What time is it?” I rubbed my face, in attempt to wake myself up. 

“Almost 4″ He spoke shakily. My eyes widened in disbelief, pulling my phone away from my ear to check for myself. 

“Okay, I’ll be right there” I assured him, hanging up the call. 

I made it to the dorms safe and sound, making it over to Chan’s room quietly, being careful not to wake any of his roomates. I made it over to his form, curled up in a ball and his back faced towards me. 

“Aw Channie, please don’t cry! You’re really breaking my heart right now! Tell me, what’s the matter?” I cooed at him, cuddling up behind him and rubbing his back. 

“I really fucked up with, Yuri. I love her so much, I don’t wanna lose her” Chan turned around, facing me, eyes all red and puffy. 

“Don’t say that. How’d you fuck things up?” I wiped away the fresh tears from his eyes with the pads of my thumbs, pushing the lose stands of hair out of his face. 

“S-so, there was this guy hitting on her in front of me and he was being really disrespectful to her. Well, I ended up stepping in and saying something to him. She got really upset with me because she wanted to deal with it on her own and she said how I dealt with it was immature” He teared up, clouds ready to spur from his gloomy eyes. 

“What did you say to him?” I rocked him back and forth in my arms, speaking in a barely audible whisper. 

“Just to lay off and that she’s not interested” He rubbed at his eyes, letting out a broken sigh. Wow, what a lucky and ungrateful bitch. 

“Well, she’d be stupid to lose an amazing guy like you. I think you did the right thing by sticking up for her. It’s wrong she didn’t fend for herself right away, letting the guy know she’s in a relationship with you” I reasoned. 

“I shouldn’t have gotten so possessive of her and have been such a selfish asshole. She’s a grown woman, she’s more than capable of handling such things herself. I need to make it up to her” He shook his head, completely disregarding everything I’d said. 

“How are you going to make things up to her?” I questioned, blandly. My heart broke seeing him fall apart like this and blaming himself for everything. It’s like watching you’re entire world crumble to pieces. Even though, he’s fully unaware of this, he is my world.

“I don’t know. Write a song maybe? But, we have completely different music tastes, that if I do make her something, I’m afraid she won’t like it” Chan pulled apart from my grasp to lay on his back, staring up at his ceiling with emptiness. 

“She’d be dumb not to like it.  What are you waiting for? Let’s write a song for Yuri, together!” I faked a spontaneous tone, in order to motivate him. 

“You’d really help me write a song for her?” Chan sat up with me, smiling brightly at me. 

“I’d do anything for you, as long as you’re happy” I nodded at him. 

“You’re the best!” He jumped at me, hugging me in a tight embrace. 

I stayed up with him, helping him compose lyrics and listened to different beats that’ll best fit the song. He ended up overworking himself, falling asleep hunched over his laptop, when I checked up on him. 

I grabbed a blanket from his room and draped it over his body, before leaving for morning classes.  

☾  2 years later

Has anyone ever been in a situation that they don’t understand how the fuck they got into it in the first place? Well, that’s me right now. I’m currently at a speed dating event, which I have no clue why I thought would be a good idea. Maybe, it’s the fact that the love department has lacked since I’d met Chan, which was almost 5 years ago. I haven’t felt as strongly about anyone as much as I did for him, which sucks because it makes me sound like a complete wuss. I might as well go bury my love life and kiss it goodbye because I’d rather die alone than be here. Luckily, I have this glass of wine keeping me sane. Never in my life have I felt more like one of those single moms who cries in the corner of the club wearing a fancy cocktail dress with a glass of red wine in hand, wondering what went wrong in their lives, like I do right now. Wow, that was oddly descriptive. So, how this convocation works is everyone’s gathered in a circle with woman all on one side and the men on the other (wow what happened to gender roles not being a thing anymore) and everyone has five minutes to chat, then the men rotate and switch partners. But, if both partners are satisfied with each other, they’ll ring the bell at the center of the table to indicate they’re set with each other for the rest of the event. Don’t get me wrong, I was totally down with the event for the first 20 minutes. Then, I’d ended up chatting with over 10 guys, leaving unsatisfied each time and just lost hope. I figured out that I’m only here to find someone exactly like Chan, in order to get back at him and bring myself closure. But in reality, no one is ever going to compare to him. 

“Rough day?” A familiar voice rang my ears. My heart skipped a beat in relief that he’s here, even though I’ll never come to admit it. My ex-best friend pulled out a rose from the confines of his jacket, handing it over to me.

“If you’re just here to tell me that I was right, you can take that rose and shove it up your ass” I said nonchalantly, acting unfazed by his presence. Even though, I was more than ecstatic he was here. 

“I see you’re still a hard ass” Chan chuckled, shaking his head in amusement at me. It took everything in me not to crack a smile because of the contagiousness of his smile. But, I’m not going to make it easy on him to grant him forgiveness. 

“What on Earth would make you think that’d change?” I cocked up an eyebrow at him, maintaining a poised composure. 

“You look great!” He complimented me, fixating himself in a more casual position, with his elbow wrapped around the top of the chair’s slat. 

“And your hair’s grey. What are you trying to get out of this?” I crossed my arms, giving him a look of bewilderment. “And you better make it quick because you have three minutes left” I continued giving him a hard time, checking my phone for the precise time. 

“Look, I was an asshole and I was in denial more than anything. I didn’t appreciate what I had until it was gone, that I ended up losing my best friend. I can’t tell you how truly sorry I am, Y/N” Chan’s words dripped with sincerity. 

“Well, I’m not disagreeing with you” I snickered playfully, causing Chan to look down at his toes, guiltily. “Why are you telling me all this after two years?” 

“You muted all of my calls and texts!” He exclaimed, a hint of a smile cracking through his lips. My mouth formed an ‘oh’ shape in realization, now it was my turn to look down sheepishly. Curses, my impulsiveness. The sound of glasses clicking sounded throughout the room, indicating it was time to switch partners. Without consulting with me, Chan dinged the bell in between us. 

“I never approved” I pouted, but being secretly thrilled he’d done that, so he was mine for the rest of the evening. 

“I don’t ever expect you to forgive me for what I did to you, but I just want to let you know one thing. I’ve always loved you, Y/N. Always have and always will” He sighed, sadly, before initiating eye contact with me. 

I immediately felt my features soften up for him, egging him to continue, “You have every right to think this is bullshit, I wouldn’t blame you. I’ve been in love with you since the moment I met you at debate class. I thought you were so headstrong and honest and beautiful. Don’t get me wrong, you still are, which is one of the reasons I still love you to this day and why I’m here with you right now. Back then, I was scared of rejection and I was incredibly stupid. Then after that one night when we kissed, everything came into place and I fell for you all over again. I didn’t act upon my feelings because I was afraid of ruining our friendship, so I went out and looked for the next perfect girl I could find, just to get over you. But, you know what? I failed. So, I ended up shutting you out and making one of the biggest mistakes of my life” 

“You’re a real asshole, you know that?” I teared up, already forgiving him as soon as he’d gotten here. “But I love you” I chuckled at his priceless reaction, crying happy tears. He arose from his seat, wiping away my tears with the pads of his thumbs. I last saw one of his signature, angelic smiles plastered to his face, dimples seeping through and everything, before he brought our lips together into a belated kiss. 

& that’s the story of how I fell headfirst for the boy in a grey sweatshirt in debate class and reunited with, with grey hair. 

[dreamplagued-blog]

Nancy Olivia Thompson

Nancy Thompson (born in the year of 1965), the child of Donald and Marge Thompson, two of whom were responsible for aiding the neighborhood in the killing of Frederick Charles Krueger. Their little girl, a seemingly sweet and naive child, was an uncompromising, coarse-mouthed, pink-wearing youth who prioritized putting an end to the vengeful spirit of a child murderer. Her friends, childhood sweetheart, and mother were killed by the nefarious nightmare entity in their sleep and ever since the murders she made it her one goal to exterminate him from her world and his forever.

She never believed her father would blame her for the death of his ex-wife, but he did and had Nancy sent to an institution where she would endure loneliness and terror. During her absence he, much like Marge, became an avid alcoholic in the hopes of forgetting the events that destroyed everything he once held dear. Life wasn’t easy for Nancy as she became the rumored nutcase who went mad after her boyfriend was killed. But she knew better, and like Hamlet she saw past the lies.

She turned her back on the dream demon, an uncharacteristic gesture considering her tendency to investigate and never let go. Nancy was ‘miraculously cured’ and upon release got a doctorate in psychology, and even utilized a potent dream suppressant called Hypnocil, which empowered her long enough to evade Freddy. In spite of her questionable past, she managed to land herself a respectable job as an intern at Westin Hills mental health clinic where she met a couple of well-meaning, albeit haunted teenagers with all the same symptoms she had as a child. What set them apart from her were their dream powers, and she saw their abilities as a means to an end for the Springwood Slasher.

Personality quirks:

According to a promotional image, in the description it casually reveals that Freddy sees her brains and beauty as a deadly combination. Appearances mean very little, however, in a deadly game of cat and mouse. She mentions to Glen that she’s into survival, and that remark isn’t all for show. In one of her earlier nightmares with Krueger, she is still quick-thinking even when panicking and running through a labyrinth of pipes that all lead her to a dead end. She knows that he’s closing in and proceeds to experiment with an idea. She burns herself intentionally by slamming her arm against a steaming hot pipe in the hopes of snapping herself awake, which causes her to come back to the real world screaming in pain. In short, she harms herself to snap free from one of her nightmares -- a clever escape route.

She learns from her experiences, and builds on such lessons, and plans her actions thoroughly. She gradually connects the dots and after being put to sleep once more at the dream clinic, she manages to yank the hat off the dream demon’s head and wakes up with it in her arms. It astounds her in a morbid way. She plays with her discoveries and runs with them. Nancy decides to try this with Freddy himself. If she could drag him out of his dream world and into hers, then he would be at a great disadvantage. That idea if only because she realizes she can bring items out of her dreams by holding onto them, a major find.

Her bravery and deeply compassionate nature (she does all this for her own survival and holds on to the hope constantly that she can save the children of the future by vanquishing this curse) surpasses her own fears. She confronts Krueger, ready to put herself in the line of fire by being on the offense —  gathers information from books about survival techniques and puts together booby traps out of mere household items like a sledgehammer, coffee pot, wire, and light bulb. All in under ten minutes! She prepares a few traps in her own home for her nemesis to fall into when she pulls him out of her nightmare, and it all manages to slow him down. Boldly, she lures him into the basement, soaks him in gasoline, and sets his royal rump on fire. She’s just fifteen around this time too.

She is a natural liar, trained to keep up appearances and deceive everyone into thinking she is fine when really she's falling apart rather hard. This comes casually to her, especially when she's up to no good and about to confront her fears once more.

Weaknesses:

Her weakness, which happens to be the most dangerous one is her family. If there is ever a chance that she can see them again, gain their acceptance and love once more? Not that they ever stopped loving her, but they both lacked belief in her in spite of knowing the dark truth behind Freddy. It led to a lot of shunning, which led to a relatively lonely life. Anyway, she would throw caution to the wind and throw away everything she's ever fought for just to be in their good graces. Of course, she dies for that same reason in the third film.

Nancy is traumatized, haunted. She is not necessarily mad, but there are times when she has trouble deciphering what is fantasy and reality due to the nature of dreams. She could be sleeping and think she is awake because of the illusion of reality that dresses up the realm of sleep. It could also be said the other way around. Nothing petrifies her more than being tranquilized or put to sleep against her will, which triggers a violent reaction that involves kicking and screaming. Besides, she's been fighting physical and mental assault for years. She's had to witness the death of her friends, her mother, her patients.

It goes against her very nature to turn her back on things and while it could be the greatest quality anyone could ever have, to confront the evils of the world, it could also be one’s biggest downfall. She cannot let things go, even if it is in her best interest to. She takes on an almost serial killer like instinct when it comes to her arch-nemesis, Freddy, and will do anything and everything in the hopes of getting rid of him.

She has considered suicide, but realizes that it is the easiest way out and according to the original script of the Dream Warriors film (before it was altered) it is revealed that she has considered death a couple of times in such a casual manner. The only reason she doesn’t go through with it is because there is no guarantee that she will escape Freddy that way. But such weakness does creep onto her from time to time. Thankfully, she isn’t overly dramatic about it and will simply mention it rather casually to herself.

The human body is a fragile thing. According to a description of her from the script, she is not even the strongest of her friends (all murdered) and only survives because of her wit and cunning nature. Still, she bleeds and is as mortal as they come. She needs to eat, sleep and breathe in order to function. Take out one of those major components and she’s gone.

Nancy can’t seem to understand why people aren’t quite so willing to believe her claims of Krueger being the cause for the deaths of many. The answer is so simple to her, and yet so complex to others. The moment someone calls her crazy she gets understandably upset and refuses to see their side of things, which implies she has a strange sense of self-righteousness that she wholly defends. She’s a little stubborn to that extent and inconsiderate. And for some reason she's a bit rude with certain authority figures.

She’s emotionally vulnerable in spite of her fierce personality. She expresses grief like anyone else in her shoes. She gets tired from running mentally and physically. She loves her mother but cannot stand her alcoholism (her constant need to get away from the truth by getting good and loaded), and proves it to her by smashing her bottle and screaming wildly in her face. She fights her way through hell in cute pajamas, which implicates her innocence. She wants nothing more than the love of her father and the restoration of his faith in her, but all he sees is his little girl turning into an utter loon. Dysfunctional family, dysfunctional mind, broken heart

[mm-society-women]

n3sh3r0x : HC!!! RFA + V reaction to Mc's fam being a bag of nutcases? Like they're 24/7 being lame and joking around and really inquisitive of MCs BF/GF

So my friend, @n3sh3r0x asked for this hc. SHE’S AMAZING GUYS!! Please follow her!!!

AND I’M SORRY but i really couldn’t imagine all of the families being a bag of nutcases. SO I DECIDED TO WRITE A “RFA+V+ SAERAN REACTING TO MC’S FAMILY”

Yoosung

- Sweet, sweet yoosung was pretty nervous when you told him that you wanted him to meet your family

-I mean.... who wouldn’t ??

-You father worked at this huge pharmaceutical company,  you mother was a cardiologist and to top it all off your sister was a lawyer at a big firm.

-Even you scared the living crap outta him when he first met you

-So when he first met your parents, he was shaking. Actually he was shaking for all the right reasons. Let me explain.

-Your father was immaculately dressed in his most expensive suit like show off much?, your mother wore a simple but beautiful gown and your sister??? Let’s just say that she wore a pair of sweatpants just to piss you off.

- Yoosung couldn’t stop laughing at this contrast. 

-As your father gracefully gave out his hand for a handshake, he was still laughing cause your sister was sticking her tongue out at you?? And you were being all cute, pinching her and making faces at her?

- Gosh ! Even the intellectuals weren’t any different , were they?

- “GOD DAMMIT! STOP IT GIRLS YOU ALWAYS EMBARRASS ME LIKE THIS!! I just wanted MC’s boyfriend to have a good impression on our family,” your father screamed.

- Your mum giggled, “Pay no mind to them yoosung!! We doctors must stay away from this lot at all times.”

- You mum really liked yoosung as they were both in the medical profession. She was a really chatty person. She blabbered on about how hard it was being a doctor. “I dunno how you did it yoosung,” she said, “I could barely learn how to treat the heart and you’ve learnt about how to treat the entire animal kingdom?” She sighed dramatically. 

- “HEY YOOSUNG!! Did you know that MC peed her pants in the sixth grade?” Your sister chimed in. “NO I DIDN’T,” you screamed and the two of you got into a cat fight. 

-Your dad sighed and apologized to him, “Welcome to the family, son.”

-Yoosung really did love your unique and wonderful family. And your family loved him more. 

Bonus: Your sister kept making passes at yoosung, vowing to steal him away from you when the two of you break up. She was just kidding! Or was she? Yoosung never knew about this. 

Zen

-Zen was really excited when you told him you wanted him to meet your family

- You used to tell him a lot about your family and he loved to hear about your two moms and you baby sister

- The whole day he was all like, “MC !! Should I wear this?? OR SHould I wear that??? Will you mom like this better.” 

- “JUST WEAR SOMETHING, ZEN,” you screamed.

-But it was so cute seeing him all excited.

- When you finally got to your house, he was so excited that he hugged both your mums. 

- “Nice to finally meet you,” He beamed, “I’m Zen.”

- “Wow I didn’t know my daughter was hiding such a handsome man,” Your mum giggled. “OH, MC~~” she sang. 

- You blushed so hard, it made Zen laugh.

- Your other mum laughed and kissed her on the cheek. “Oh and Zen,” she said, “We have this really BIG fan, just dying to meet you.”

- Your little sister was clinging to your mum’s leg. 

- “Come on, sweetie,” you called her out ,”Zen has a little gift for you.”

- But she still wouldn’t budge

- Zen knelt down and took her hands. “Looks like there are two very beautiful princesses in this house,” he smiled. He placed a little crown on her head. 

- She gave a tiny little smile. “Lift me !!” she ordered.

- “The shining knight Zen at your service, milady,” he laughed as he picked her up 

-He refused to put your little sister down for the whole day. Your lil sis had such radical fun,  getting a piggy back ride from Zen.

- Your parents loved Zen!! He was so sweet. He always was so well mannered and complimented them on little things.  

-At the end of the day, Zen ended up wanting to create a family like that with you. 

Bonus: Zen calls both your mums as ‘mum’ and ‘mama’, the way you call them. They love it. And they were so happy when zen first called them that

Jaehee

-You pure beautiful Jaehee was only second to Yoosung on the nervousness level when she first met your family 

- “But MC,” she dragged, “Is your family really ok with this? Me being a..... girl and all.”

- “Hush, my dear,” you kissed her on the nose, “I should be asking you if you’re ok with meeting my crazy family.”

- This reassured her a lot. But she was still nervous about making first impressions.

- Your family was a big one.

-I mean a reaaaaalllly big one. With cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.

-So when you first got to the door, a flurry of kids surrounded you and Jaehee. 

- “OMG it’s MC!” 

- “IS that MC’s Girlfriend?”

-” MC AND JAEHEE, come play with us!!” 

-The kids were really noisy but Jaehee enjoyed the racket. The kids started introducing themselves and Jaehee was trying to memorize all of their names. 

-”Ok!! YOu twerps !! We’ll come back to you later!! We are going to meet the adults so LEAVE MY GIRLFRIEND ALONE,” you grabbed her hand pulled her out.

- “awwww MC you’re such a spoil sport.” You could hear all the groans and sighs. 

- Immediately after a group of adults surrounded you two. 

- “Is this the Jaehee??? “ your aunt literally screamed. 

- She pulled Jaehee closer, took a good and long look at her.

- “Tell me, Jaehee,” she said, “HOW THE HELL DO YOU PUT UP WITH A WHINY CHILD LIKE MC. We still don’t know.”

-All the others nodded in agreement. 

- “STOP embarrassing me in front of my Girlfriend,” you stomped your foot.

- All of Jaehee’s nervousness dissipated. And she laughed. “Oh no!” she said and looked at you, “It has always been the other way around.”

-You blushed so hard. What did you do to deserve her? 

- Everyone from the teenagers, to the kids , to the adults and the elders took their turns with Jaehee.

- They really loved her. And really couldn’t understand why such a sweet angel like her chose you. You really couldn’t understand that either   

-Although she was drained by the end of the day, she was really looking forward to the next trip.

Jumin

-Jumin was always so curious about your family

- Whenever he asked about your family, you would brush him off saying that you would tell him when you were ready.

-He also never really got why you were working, when he was there to provide for you?

-Although he was really curious, he respected your wishes and never delved into that matter again.

- Then one day you decided it was time he met you family.

- You were actually from another town. You were from a really poor family, with your father dying when you were only 16 years old. Being the eldest, you had to help your mother raise your younger sister and brother. 

- Jumin now understood why you had to work.

- “But I can provide for your family, Mc,” he protested. 

- But you flat out refused cause you didn’t marry him for the money. 

-So you took the weekend off from work to visit your family with Jumin. 

- “Jumin, just don’t offer my mother any money,” you tell him, “We are doing very well now! And my mother would refuse cause she’s such a hard worker.”

- Jumin nodded. But you were not sure about what his stubborn ass was actually going to do.

-When you got home, you little sister and brother excitedly hugged you. 

- “MC!! YOU’RE HOME,” they shouted. 

- “Mc, look!! I got the first place in my class this year,” you little brother beamed. 

- Your sister got annoyed. “But MC! I got first place on both my tests and my relay,” you sister stuck her tongue out.

- Your brother was about to retaliate when you mother intervened, “Mc and her boyfriend traveled a long way, kids.Let them rest.”

-They went back sighing. You laughed and hugged your mum. 

- “And you must be Jumin,” your mum said breaking the hug. 

-Jumin was so fixated at your house. It was so small. But it really was so warm and wonderful. 

- “Yes mam. I’m Jumin Han,” he said as he took your mother’s hand, “Pleasure to meet you.”

- You and your mum burst into laughter. 

- “You really dont have to be so formal, Mr. Han~~,” you teased. 

- The kids tugged at Jumin’s trousers. 

-They were really curious about this royal looking stranger

-Jumin was really surprised by the kids. They were so well mannered, smart and hard working just like MC.

-He really loved them a lot. And they liked him too.

-And MC’s mother had so much dignity and integrity. He respected her deeply. And your mother loved Jumin for his honesty and manners. And she knew how much he loved and respected you. 

- And the food your mother cooked for him?? Never had he eaten anything so delicious his entire life.

- Just sitting around with your family and eating with them, made him realise that money really wasn’t everything 

-After that, he never did complain about you having to go to work. But he insisted on helping out a little.

- He always did send your family little extravagant gifts and souvenirs. And demanded a monthly visit to see you mum and the kids

-He took you guys on a lot of trips. And the kids really enjoyed their time with him.

707 

-Given his past, Seven really wanted a to be a part of a family

- So when you wanted to introduce him to your parents, HE WAS SO EXCITED, OVERJOYED, ELATED *add any synonym of your choice*

-You were from a middle class family

-Nothing special really

-You were the only kid.

- “Ok 7,” you warn him, “No funny business at my home... My dad is really strict.”

- “You betcha,” he sticks his tongue out.

-You sigh.... This was bad......... Really bad

-So when you get home, your father growls, “And what is the name of this boy MC? What does he do?”

- “Dad, this is Se-.. I mean Saeyoung and hes a hac-.. I mean a computer programmer.”

- “Why hello~~ sir,” 7 sang and let out his hand for a handshake.

- You dad looked at him from his head to his toe and sighed. 

- “I’ll be at my room if you need me,” he frowned. 

- 7 looked a little upset. Your mum sensed this too. 

- “Oh don’t mind that grumpy old man, Saeyoung, my dear,” you mum chimed, “I really dont know how I put up with him for so many years.”

-You giggled and held 7′s hand.

- “Don;t take it to heart, hon,” you laughed, “He’s what I call a Tsundere dad.”

- “TSUNDERE DAD??” he screamed. WTH MC 

- “The more he likes a person, the ruder he is to them,” your mum explained.

- Saeyoung couldn’t stop laughing, “I’m starting to like your dad.”

-So 7 like usual, kept making his lousy jokes. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes while your mother laughed. 

-Your dad crept in. “OH, You all are making a lot of noise. KEEP IT DOWN,” he said as he sat across you guys with a newspaper.

-You all could not help but chuckle. Oh, the things your dad did just to spend time with you, without actually admitting it.

- “So saeyoung,” your dad started, “How much is it that you earn.”

- 7 sat up straight. “See Sir, it actually depends.....”

- “He earns a lot, dad,” you cut in, “Have you seen his car?” You showed him a picture of his car.

-You dad was impressed and interested but he wouldnt admit it. 

- “It’s a decent car,” he frowned

- The three of you were internally screaming. 

- All throughout the evening 7 made small talk with your dad. He followed him everywhere. Your dad actually showed him his precious stamp collection and LET HIM TOUCH IT.

- Saeyoung started called your mother as mum. AND YOUR MUM LOVED IT

- “Don;t call her that,” you father growled. 

- “But DAD~~~” 7 sang

- “DONT CALL ME THAT,” he shouted. But he was very happy, internally. Tsundere dad strikes again

-He really had taken a liking towards your dad.

- You dad called him annoying a lot but deep inside... lets face it! He loved Saeyoung a lot.

- When it was time to leave, your dad gave you a peck on you cheek as he said , “Saeyoung is good guy, mc. I like him.”

- You werent gonna tell saeyoung this but you had a feeling he already knew.  

- Saeyoung sometimes liked to visit your parents alone and spend time with them

ps...... If you;ve seen Saiki Kusuo then you’ll know about the tsundere grandpa.... that episode literally changed my life

V

- “V!” you proclaimed one day, “I want you to meet my family.”

- V was surprisingly very cool about this, “Ok mc” he said as he kissed you on the forehead.

-The only family you had left was your two brothers. They practically raised you. Everything they ever did was for you. You didn’t have one complaint in your life. One brother was a professional wrestler and the other worked for the government.

- The two of your brothers were dying to meet V. They planned on how they were going to freak MC’s boyfriend out cause they were both so muscular and buff. And not to mention tall. They were both wrestlers in high school and had so many medals, that you learnt how to count with them

-So anyways, they were really planning to freak your boyfriend out. 

-They wanted to make sure that your boyfriend was man enough. You were their precious baby sister after all. 

- Well, jokes on them.... V was blind. 

- There was no way V was gonna be intimidated my their looks.

- Their jaws fell to the floor when they saw V

- “Mc... is he....”

- “Yes, Im blind,” V interjected, “ But I can see a little with one eye”

- They regained their composure. But they still had to make sure that he would treat their precious little sister well

- “Well Jihyun,” you brother firmly held V’s shoulder, “If you ever do something to our sister then God help you.” 

-You were angered my your brothers’ rude behavior towards V. Before you could protest, V said calmly, “Sir, I wouldnt hurt a hair on her head. She is the love of my life.”

- Commence Jaw Drop

-You blushed hard..... as did your brothers. The line was delivered so cooly and calmly.

-”V~~” you hit his hand playfully.

- Your brothers laughed. 

- “I’ve been married for 5 years and never once have I said such a thing to my wife. We should learn a lot from you V”

- You brothers loved him. They were so boisterous and playful... so unlike V. They considered V as a part of their gang

-V loved it! He had so much fun with your brothers. All three of them got drunk in the end and you were left to take a drunken V home

- “CURSE YOU, YOU TWO DEVILS AND DONT TOUCH MY BOYFRIEND AGAIN”

Saeran

- Your parents died when you were really young

-You were raised by your grandparents. 

-So when you asked Saeran if he wanted to meet your wonderful grandparents, saeran wasnt exactly excited. But he knew how much they meant to you so he decided to accompany you

-The minute you entered the house, there was the lovely smell of freshly baked goods.

-Your grandma and grandpa were so excited to see you.

-They were standing outside for nearly an hour just to see you.

-You were so happy to see them. Saeran saw immediately how your expression changed. Could you get any cuter? chandler voice

-You hugged them both and kissed them

-Your grandparents were equally excited to see saeran.

- They huddled around him.

- “MC told me that you really like ice cream, saeran,” your Grandma said, “So I made a lil cake to go along with it.”

- “Oh and dont forget about the sweater we got him dear,” your grandpa added.

- As you helped your grandma out in the kitchen, saeran and your grandpa took to talking

- You grandpa told him stories about the army. Saeran seemed very interested and excited.

-You could see them talking about random things under the sun

-He absolutely adored the food your grandma made and even wore the sweater they got for him

-He really enjoyed his time with your grandparents.

-He ended up wishing he could stay there more.

- When you went to sleep, your grandpa and saeran talked throughout the night.

-”Saeran.... in case something happens to me... the mc and her grandma...”

- “Nothing will happen to you and if it does... I’m always here for them. MC means the world to me”

[cagepictures-blog]

Synopsis

Due to a tragic accident, Tada Banri is struck with amnesia, dissolving the memories of his hometown and past. However, after befriending Yanagisawa Mitsuo, he decides to move on and begin a new life at law college in Tokyo. But just as he is beginning to adjust to his college life, the beautiful Kaga Kōko dramatically barges into Banri's life, and their chance meeting marks the beginning of an unforgettable year.

After having a glimpse of college life, Banri learns that he is in a new place and a new world - a place where he can be reborn, to have new friends, fall in love, makes mistakes and grow. And as he begins to discover who he was, the path he has chosen leads him towards a blindingly bright life that he will never want to forget.

Review

Plot – 8/10

As stated earlier, Golden Time takes place in college, following our main protagonist Tada Banri and the roller coaster of drama that follows him. Now, the first few episodes give off much more of a comedy vibe than a dramatic one which may have turned a lot of people away from the show. But after Banri's past is revealed, and his relationship with Kōko blossoms, the show kicks into full gear. Yes, in this anime, the main character actually ends up dating the girl (and quite early on at that). Many people might think this is a spoiler, but anyone with a pair of eyes can predict Banri x Kōko after watching 30 seconds of the OP. Golden Time's fearlessness in quickly establishing a relationship, and following it for the majority of the show is what makes it so special. That and the fact that the two leads are fantastic characters (which we will get into later) make Golden Time a truly special show. Now, there are plenty of head-scratching plot devices that don't really do anything but confuse the viewer until they are resolved in the final episode. Add onto this the questionable decision making of some of our characters, the story is far from perfect. But the boldness to follow a relationship for 20 episodes and execute it in a way that made you thoroughly care about it is just too much to give the story anything less than very high praise.

Animation – 7/10

Now here is unquestionably the biggest flaw in Golden Time. By no means is the overall art-style bad, but you can clearly tell that this show was not given the budget it deserved. Movements were often very blocky and unfluid, and just the overall level of detail was very lacking at times. However, this show did have plenty of moments (particularly in darker/nighttime set scenes) where the animation was very good and well lit. The college setting was realistically put together, and the varied locations were all unique. Another plus was just the shear amount of varied clothing that everyone wore throughout the show which is uncommon seeing as many anime like to dress their characters in the same outfit every, single, episode. Overall, the art was severely damaged by what seems to be a poor budget, but the artistic style overcame this for the most part.

Sound – 7.5/10

Particularly in the more melancholy and dramatic moments, the soundtrack could be very good. There weren't really any memorable tracks, but they all set the tone perfectly. The OPs and EDs were all very catchy as well. As far as the voice acting goes, the VAs did a great job of showing a wide array of emotion, ranging from serious or sad, to downright nutcase happy or excited. The dialogue in this show was greatly exaggerated, with characters spitting out some of the most goofiest lines, as well as some of the most cheesy love monologues. However, this was all part of Golden Time's charm, as it can have you laughing one moment, and then leave you teary eyed the next.

Characters – 8/10

This is the controversial part of the show. MANY of the characters can come off as annoying primarily due to their decision making and dialogue. However, when it comes down to it, Golden Time made its characters feel human. They weren't perfect, they made mistakes, and they learned from them. The biggest cases are with Banri and Kōko, who are relatively clueless when it comes to relationships and make countless errors when it comes to keeping secrets from each other or not reading each other's feelings correctly. Koko is a character who gets a lot of crap, but I absolutely admire her for the amazing amount of development she went through. She went from a crazy selfish stalker who distanced herself from anyone not named Mitsuo, to a caring person and great friend who tries to do what she thinks is best for the ones she cares for (even if she is wrong). She started out as the type of girl who wouldn't give her boyfriend any freedom and wouldn't trust them at all, into someone who gives the one she loves full freedom and trust. Many people hate Banri and Koko's relationship, but I have one question for many of these people "Have you ever even dated anyone before?" One of the reasons Koko x Banri was so enjoyable to watch was because their relationship felt real and relatable. Not a cute, problem-free, perfect relationship that a lot of anime, but a REAL relationship with its ups, downs, awkward moments, and realistic details. The supporting cast was strong as well with highlight characters consisting of 2D-kun and Nana-senpai who did the most with their limited screen time. All in all, the characters may have caused much frustration for the viewer, but in the end that's what made them human and quite honestly so damn likeable.

Enjoyment – 8/10

For the longest time, Golden Time was my favourite show from the autumn season. Over time, Nagi no Asukara passed Golden Time on this list, but that was in no way Golden Time's fault. From start to finish, I had a wonderful time watching this show. It ranged from hilarious, to intense, to depressing, to rage inducing, producing a wider range of emotions from me than the vast majority of shows out there can do. The beautifully done final episode also left me completely satisfied with my experience. Golden Time knows how to keep the viewer entertained.

Overall – 8/10

Rarely does a show come along that makes you care this much about the characters. All I wanted was for Banri and Kōko to be happy together, and the struggles they went through while trying to achieve this kept me interested. While other shows play it safe and garner your interest by leaving who the main character will end up with a mystery, Golden Time makes it clear that Banri and Kōko are together, and instead captivates us with the struggles they have in order to stay that way. While some plot devices and the relatively weak production value may leave a lot to be desired, the end result with Golden Time is a truly wonderful anime, and a must watch for all fans of drama.