#help i have so much homework due and this is the only thing my adhd let me focus on

[httpino]

hiii everyone! this is my opinion on what college majors each of the konoha 11 + sasuke n the sand siblings have :D + my general college headcanons about them. enjoy!!

p.s. this is a non massacre au so everyone is alive and well

Naruto characters in College

Naruto Uzumaki: Political Science

- he’s obvi into the whole politics thing so it seemed obvious to him to go into polisci

- unfortunate frat brother

- he’s not like the annoying weird ones but he does indulge in a bit of excessive drinking

- even when he’s hokage (think of it as like the president of everything i don’t fucking know) he’ll still do the stupid ass frat greeting if he sees a fellow brother

- barely passing but once he starts studying seriously with sakura, he’s on his grind fr

- he was never stupid, he just has adhd and no idea how to ask for help

- graduates at a decent place n continues on the higher education track (to everyone’s surprise)

Sasuke Uchiha: Business with a concentration in Finance

- he plans on taking over the family business from his older brother since he’s sick and needs to focus on his health

- does not engage in frat business no matter how much naruto begs

- he’s above it all

- he’s less fucked in the head (because his whole family was not senselessly murdered!) so he does like partying n is less antisocial

- non massacre au sasuke is a WHORE idgaf

- will entertain whoever he needs to to get laid

- this is before he starts dating sakura and then he’s like a nun, he does not look in people’s direction at all

- model student, graduates with a ridiculously high gpa

Sakura Haruno: Biology + Chemistry Double Major (pre-med)

- did anyone say overachiever

- she was told she just needed to pick a science if she wanted to do the pre-med track but she said fuck it and chose two

- bordering deranged, the constant homework is getting to her

- very efficient at studying so she’s able to have some semblance of a school-life balance but barely

- she’s spent more nights in the library crying over her homework than she cares to admit

- finds it all easier when she’s with her friends so she, naruto, ino, sasuke, shikamaru, neji, and hinata have a little study circle every night

- model student, legit is the student that her professors tell their students about years after she graduates

- goes on to med school (we love you dr.haruno)

Sai: Art

- obviously

- he’s having a good time here

- once he gets to the point where he’s having to do other art (sculpting for example) he’s losing it a bit

- he’s just a little guy who wants to draw pretty little pictures :(

- the mf who says “ugh i have a drawing due at 11:59” and then promptly gets jumped for having the audacity to complain around sakura

- doesn’t really party, if he does get dragged out, he spends the whole time drawing the scene in front of him

- he has so many drawings of drunk naruto doing stupid shit, he’s compiled it in a little booklet n adds to it

- by the end of college, he has a thick ass book of these drawings (naruto, ino, sakura, and lee being most of the drawings)

- graduates with flying colors (see what i did there) to become ino’s house husband who supports her through med school

Shikamaru Nara: International Relations

- bro did not want to go to college

- literally dragged himself through high school, why would he want to do it all over again but it’s harder???

- anyway he settles on international relations n breezes through it

- his friends wanna strangle him every time he complains about his schoolwork

- sakura’s eye is twitching, tenten is planning his untimely demise, ino is calling him a lazy idiot

- in his defense, he doesn’t really know what’s going on at any given moment

- he does his work on time but that’s only after he has to teach himself everything cause he skips class religiously

- high off his ass the entire four years

- is known around campus, not for his smarts, but because he’s been found sleeping in the oddest places

- there’s an instagram page for sightings of his naps in odd places (that was definitely not started by ino)

- graduates with decent grades and gets a job in the hokage’s office with the power of nepotism and his brain

Choji Akimichi: Culinary Arts

- he’s having a grand time really

- he’s a phenomenal cook and he already knows all the cooking techniques since his dad owns the highest rated restaurant in the country

- literally has never complained about anything a day in his life

- his to go meals are the only thing keeping his friends alive, they all have the diet of a college student which is water, tears, and a side of ramen

- always has excess food left from class so he goes around campus delivering it to the different food banks

- random people know about choji akimichi’s legendary hangover meal

- graduates with flying colors and goes on to take over his father’s restaurant and open one of his own!

Ino Yamanaka: Psychology (pre-med)

- annoying psych major who psychoanalyzes her friends

- drunk off her ass and she’s asking kiba if his attachment to his dogs comes from trying to make up for his terrible relationship with his mother

- is literally always out, no one has no idea how considering all the other psych students are fighting for their lives

- when she meets sai, she’s excited as fuck, she loves a fine ass man with a brain she can pick apart

- a little crazy

- graduates top of her major but it’s a mystery how she did such a thing 

Kiba Inuzuka: Vet science

- picked this because his dog got sick once n he was like bro what the fuck i need to never let this happen again

- actually a really good student contrary to popular belief! (hinata asked him to study with her one time n then it became a routine)

- who said FRAT BOY KIBA!!! (it’s me, i said frat boy kiba)

- chronic day drinker (bro needs to attend a.a meetings)

- gets an internship in the local vet office and he has deep beef with all the cats there

- he thinks they’re evil but the cats just smell dog on him n they do not fuck with it

- graduates at a decent place n goes to vet school (idk how that works, just pretend i do)

Shino Aburame: Entomology

- DUH!!

- bro might as well be a professor, he’s so good with the whole thing

- which is why he becomes a TA by the end of his first year (unheard of btw)

- out of everyone, he’s having the easiest time

- literally goes to class, does his little science classes, studies his little bugs, then comes home to his apartment n thinks about bugs

- he’s attended every seminar about environment so he can pipe up n say that preserving the bugs in each ecosystem could help

- graduates n goes on to get an offer to teach entomology at konoha university

Hinata Hyuga: Communication

- she has no idea what she wants to do

- this was mainly a placeholder till she figured something out

- the required public speaking course nearly took something out of her

- but after all her friends gathered to listen to her speech n cheer her on, she felt so much confidence that she got an amazing grade

- this led to her sticking with comm!

- she picks a focus on media so she ends up working at the tv station (behind the scenes, she’s not a in front of the camera type of girl)

- does great n has study circles with her friends :D

- doesn’t party, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do much of anything but she’ll go out to make sure kiba doesn’t get into a bar fight or something

Neji Hyuga: Physics

- not so sure about this one but idkkk something in my heart says he’s a physics major

- he’s not sure what he wants to do with it but it makes him sound smart when his dad brags to the other parents

- extremely paranoid about missing assignments so he does everything the moment he gets it

- has never been relaxed ever

- time management king

- he got pulled into a study circle and though he’ll NEVER admit it, it’s helped him a lot

- graduates in three years instead of four and goes on to grad school (he’s trying to avoid finding a job)

Rock Lee: Sports science

- DUH!!

- he wants to help injured athletes so why not study how a healthy body is supposed to work while exercising?

- he gets an internship with guy, who’s the athletic trainer of konoha university n he’s everyone’s favorite

- had learned not to complain about his workload around tenten (she broke down and started bawling over her homework and he freaked out)

- graduates with a good gpa and then gets a job with the athletic trainers office

Tenten: Business with a concentration in Entrepreneurship + Engineering Double Major

- this determined ass mf

- she’s been dreaming of creating a weapon that will allow for easy usage while also being tailored to the needs of the user

- so she decides on the business major part to create a business out of it and engineering so she can figure out how to do it herself

- she’s fighting for her life the entire four years of college

- turns down so many parties and invites because her homework is literally a stack the size of her

Kankuro: Political Science + Art History Double Major

- he wanted badly to do art history alone

- but he decides that maybe he does want to be employed in the future

- so he picks up political science as a side thing

- he cheats off gaara so he doesn’t have to focus too much on the polisci portion of his degree

- exchange student (obvi) n he’s indulging in konoha culture

- which is just getting black out drunk on a wednesday evening!

- finishes out college as a decent student, not exceptional but also he’s not terrible

Gaara: Political Science

- literally decides he’s gonna become the kazekage and picks up polisci immediately

- like his siblings he’s an exchange student

- literally doesn’t do any “stereotypical” college things

- doesn’t drink a drop of alcohol, doesn’t dabble in drugs, his most wild weekend is him indulging in TWO red bulls instead of one

- which is why no one is surprised when he graduates top of his class n immediately gets a job in the kazekage’s office where he works his way up

Temari: Meteorology

- just walk with me here

- exchange student from suna

- always found interest in weather patterns considering she lived in a place with such predictable patterns

- like day after day it was all sun, no rain until one random day, there was an absolute downpour before everything went back to normal

- she absolutely went WILDDDD she needed to know what had happened to cause such a thing

- she has no interest in smiling in front of the camera n giving the forecast, she wants to just study what the fuck goes on with the weather

- has a decent workload but she really doesn’t mind it, it gives her an excuse to avoid ino’s constant invites to go out

- one time, she went out n got hammered n slept with shikamaru n then she literally never did that again

- it worked cause she started dating him soon after but still… you can never be too safe

- graduates with a perfect gpa n goes on to become the best meteorologist in the world

[wintersoldiersoul]

Push Through

Summary: Your ADHD makes it difficult for you to focus like normal. When you spiral, Bucky helps you calm down.

A/N: Things about this may seem crazy and unrealistic but as someone with ADHD I can confirm that I have had this exact experience. (Minus the sexy supersolider to help me unfortunately) TW: Mental health, lack of sleep and eating, ADHD, burnout

The room was an absolute disaster. Clothes all over the floor, endless cups of coffee, water, and tea taking up space on the desk, and there you were at the center of it. Sitting on your floor with your laptop, typing away furiously. Being in college and an avenger was already extremely difficult and it was even harder while struggling with ADHD.

You had gotten home from a three day mission yesterday, so stressed about the first draft of your thesis paper that was due in two days that you didn’t even shower or change before taking your medication and getting to work. A half-eaten sandwich sat beside you but you didn’t even feel hungry. Your meds suppressed your appetite and had you focused on one thing and one thing only: your homework.

Bucky was away from the tower on his own mission and while you couldn’t wait for him to get home safely, you could hardly even think about it in your current frenzy. You hadn't slept since getting home, taking another pill every time you felt the last one wear off. When your medication started to subside, it made you feel horrible. Jittery, but also depressed and just generally like life had no meaning. It was an awful feeling, especially when you knew it was caused by medication that you needed for your brain to function normally.

The bedroom door creaked open but you didn’t even hear it. You didn’t look up from the words you were typing as your boyfriend’s body filled the frame. You usually greeted him by running into his arms but this time, it was like you didn’t even know he was there. And you practically didn’t. The quiet voice of your subconscious whispered to you to go greet him, but the dominant hyper-focus muted that thought into silence.

“Hellooo,” Bucky called playfully, whistling to you to try to get your attention. You still didn’t look up, grabbing the can of Redbull beside you and taking a sip. “Y/N!” He said, loudly.

You shook your head and finally tore your eyes away from the screen. “Oh my god, hi! You’re home! How was the mission? Are you hurt? Did it go well? Any scratches?” You rapidly fired questions at him, the combination of your medication, caffeine and lack of sleep causing you to be in a manic-like state.

Bucky knew about your struggles with ADHD. He knew how hard it was for you to function everyday like everyone else. He saw as you read a passage of your schoolwork over and over and over again because the words just turned to mush on the page. He had listened to you cry at your frustrations over why school was so hard and how you had to put so much brain power and effort into every little task. He knew how you hated the crash of your medication but you needed them to survive, a constant struggle that you had to pick every morning. Did you wanna be able to focus today and not be able to get out of bed after 4pm, or did you wanna be happy but not be able to do a single productive thing?

“Woah, there, take a breath,” he laughed. His eyes scanned the room, looking at the mess surrounding your frame. And he noticed that you were still in your uniform. “Hey, I thought you got home yesterday. Why are you still in your uniform?” 

You looked down at yourself, realizing that you had in fact not changed. “Oh, shit. I sat down to do my homework as soon as I got home and-” you stopped abruptly. “Wait, did you say yesterday?”

He looked at you, confusion clouding his expression. “Yeah. It’s Sunday, babe.”

“No, no, that’s impossible. I just got home I’ve only been working for…” you clicked your phone, displaying the date and time. “26 hours…”

“What did you just say? You’ve been working for 26 hours? Babe, have you eaten? Slept? Have you even gone to the bathroom? How did you not know it had been that long?” He was extremely concerned for you. He had seen you manically power through assignments before, but nothing like this.

“I…uh,” you ran your fingers through your hair, still trying to wrap your head around the fact that you had been working for so long. “Sandwich,” you pointed to the plate on the ground. 

Bucky walked over to the plate and stared at the barely eaten food. “Babe you had like, one bite of this. Is it your meds?”

You nodded. He knew that you often didn’t do simple things to take care of yourself when you took your meds. You would be so focused on the task at hand that you would usually set reminders every hour on your phone, telling you to take care of your basic human needs like eating or going to the bathroom. But you had been in such a frenzy after the mission that you didn’t do it this time.

“Honey, you look exhausted,” he smiled at you sadly. 

You shook your head. “Don’t feel tired. I need to keep working. I’ll go in the living room if you wanna unwind.” You grabbed your computer off the floor and started to walk out the doorway but were stopped by a large hand on your shoulder.

“No,” he grabbed your laptop and shut it, holding it over his head.

“Give it back, Bucky!” You began to jump, trying to reach the laptop. Bucky was considerably taller than you, meaning that it was a lost cause for you to try to get your computer from his grasp. He couldn’t help but laugh at how adorable you were, despite his extreme concern for your condition.

“Can’t do that, baby.” He placed the computer on the highest shelf in the room.

“Bucky, I need to keep going. My draft is due tomorrow!”

“And you’ve been working your ass off on it for the past 3 months. And the past 24 hours, alone. Your brain must be fried, baby, especially right after a mission.” He looked at you, eyes pleading for you to just take a break. Even if you felt fine from the extreme amount of medication and caffeine in your system, you were gonna crash soon. “How much medication did you take?” 

You thought back to how many times you felt it wear off and opened the bottle. Technically, you could take it every 4-6 hours. You weren’t being that reckless by using it so much, but of course you knew deep down that it wasn’t great to use it so much so frequently. “Uh… 5?” You admitted quietly.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head. “5 times? You've practically been hopped up on Concerta for an entire day straight?”

You didn’t know if the most recent dose was wearing off or if the pull away from the computer was causing it, but you could feel yourself crashing. Exhaustion tugged at your eyes and it fully hit you what you had been doing to yourself. You hated that this was how you were. People never understood how frustrating and debilitating ADHD truly was. There was no real “normal”. The medication made it easier for you to do work, but then you ended up like this. Your eyes filled with angry tears at yourself. “I hate this, Bucky! I hate this so much. I just wanna be able to function and do homework like normal!”

“Oh baby…” he pulled you into a hug. “I know it’s hard for you. I know I won’t ever truly understand how your brain works and what it feels like for you but I know you struggle. But you don’t just struggle, you fight, okay? You’re so smart, you’re the smartest person I know. The things you say, the way your mind works… god, I’m just so amazed by you, honey.”

“I hate the way my mind works!” You cried into him.

“I know baby, I know,” he stroked your hair as you cried, just wanting to bring you comfort. “But you don’t let it stop you. You don’t let your ADHD prevent you from doing and learning all of the things that you want to. You could have given up so many times but you didn’t. And that’s what counts, okay?”

You took a deep breath, calming yourself. You were so tired. And hungry.

“I tell you what, baby. Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll cook us some food. Then you can pick out any sweatshirt of mine that you like and we’ll relax and get some rest.”

His plan sounded so appealing but you still had work to do. “But Bucky, I-” 

“Shh. No more working tonight. You still have all day tomorrow to finish up. And it’s only a draft, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Don’t you think taking a look with fresh eyes tomorrow will be good for you?”

“I-” you opened your mouth to argue, but he was right. “Okay,” you sighed. “You’re right.” 

He kissed the top of your head. “Oh yeah. Go shower, babe. And wash your hair. Please,” he teased.

“I hate you,” you laughed as you made your way into the bathroom.

You look at a long shower, letting the hot water cleanse both your mind and body. When you walked back out into the living room, in Bucky’s sweatshirt, of course, your favorite meal was sitting on the table. “Oh baby, you didn’t have to do this! You could have just put in a frozen pizza or something.”

Bucky smiled at you. “Hey, I wanted you to have your favorite. Plus I need to make sure you eat enough to nourish yourself after being up for so long.”

After you ate and Bucky also showered, you got into bed. Your eyes were so heavy and you couldn’t even think about the paper anymore, just wanting the soft blanket of sleep to take over.

“Thank you, Bucky,” you whispered as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Always, my love. I’ll help you work more tomorrow, okay? And I’ll make you a deal. Every page you finish, I’ll make you cum,” he whispered seductively.

Within seconds, you were out cold, resting up for the long day of writing and other things that tomorrow had in store.

[specialmouse]

i have been diagnosed with adhd for 16 years. since i was 5 years old. and i cannot get fucking adderall. it is ruining my life in every area. i will be dead within five years if i do not get a stronger medication than fucking ritalin due to my unmedicated adhd and it will be seen as my fault or unrelated to this. i am diagnosed with a host of other mental illnesses and none of them even hold a candle to what adhd has taken from me. it has taken my entire life from me. do you know where i'd be if i didn't have it? so much happier, healthier, and i would be able to help my and others' communities. i can't even do my laundry right now. i can barely read books. i can't do homework, i can't schedule appointments, i can't clean my room. i drop things on the floor because i don't have the energy to put them away. it feels like mental torture. and then the guilt. my fucking god. the guilt i have not only for not being able to take care of myself but im unable to show up for other people. i cant make it to palestine protests. i cant volunteer regularly. i cant read theory. i cant hold a job so every time i donate to a gofundme it's a pitiful amount and that money does not replenish itself. it hurts my fucking heart and i hate that i'm complaining about it and i'm afraid i'll get told that if i actually cared i would do it anyway. i've done what i can when i can but lately i can only get up to go to school. and theres more guilt on top of that because im privileged enough to go to school and live away from my mom's house and whatnot so i get stuck in this self flagellation loop. i just want to go to sleep forever so i dont have to confront the inadequacy of myself

[poppyandzena]

Poppy: "Spawn is an adult you guys, you need to stop treating saying I'm doing child abuse because they were an adult." Also Poppy: "Anyways yes we had a schedule for Spawn. People with ADHD work best with schedules, this is proven!! Spawn just couldn't complete it cause they were dicking around." As someone with ADHD, while schedules can help, it's not the end all, be all. I would say most of all it requires some flexibility and understanding. Poppy insists that schedules are proven to help people with ADHD, therefore it's good that they forced a schedule onto Spawn, and yet even when they talk about it they talk about how the schedule didn't work for Spawn and... well, blame Spawn for it not working. Almost as if they have disabilities that make their life a bit harder to keep to a schedule or something 乁( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ㄏ When I was a child, my 'schedule' for the day was basically this: school, come home and do homework, do three chores (written down on the fridge for me to complete because I legit couldn't remember when I was verbally told what chores to do the night before), and after that I was able to do whatever I wanted. I don't think regimented schedules help someone with ADHD, I think having certain things scheduled (such as a few chores, homework since it was important for school, etc) while also allowing for downtime is the best way to go. Even as an adult, there are certain things I try to keep to a schedule (certain days dedicated for chores, all bill due dates are written on a calendar and checked off as the month goes on, specific errands like groceries) but I also understand that some days I'm gonna wake up, have a bad brain day where I can't really do everything I want to do (and sometimes I can only really do one big thing a day), and I give myself the grace and understanding while also keeping in mind what is most important to get done. It's a balancing act. It's delicate. It's hard work. Every time I see the way Poppy talks about Spawn I just hope more and more that they're doing so much better without her... and I hope Poppy never gets to be in contact with them ever again.

I have ADHD and anxiety. Flexibility is best. I forget to eat more than I eat in general. My mental health improves when I'm given more control of my surroundings and my choices. My work gives me enough framework without dominating my life like I'm a sim without autonomy.

Us ADHD people work in what I call loopholes or cheats. I hate brushing my teeth so I brush my teeth in the shower to get it all done in one place. Or if I can't shower before I go to work, I have little disposable toothbrushes and sugar free gum in my desk. I hate the act of eating or preparing food. So instead of screwing myself over by making something I won't finish, I drink V8 100s since they're cheaper than the Naked brand and contain vegetables and fruits I wouldn't bother preparing on their own. I don't even own a bin for my food waste since I know I will procrastinate taking out the trash and stink up my home, so food waste is sent to the trash chute. I keep non-perishable snacks in reach so my blood sugar doesn't completely bottom out when I forget to eat.

Spawn is doing fine living without Zena and Poppy--not because they were "never disabled." They are very disabled. You know what disables you further? Having to do endless lists of labor that last for hours, sometimes without a working AC and little food in your body as your parents shame you for not "doing it quick enough." Being made to skip meals because you "missed your time." Having YOUR sports drinks consumed when you need those to keep your sodium up. Being barred from going to the bathroom for hours at a time. Being shamed for staying in your room but being screamed at by Zena for existing within ten feet of them. Having the internet cut off on purpose and then having to grovel to turn it back on when you need it to look for a job, as your parents bitch at you for not having a job.

[traumasurvivors]

hi april! I just wanted to pop in and let you know that what you’re doing is something special: running all these resources and just communicating and offering help to other trauma survivors is just incredible really and I just hope you’re having a lovely day wherever you are. I reached out to your blog last year and have made sure to stay up to date on any posts or advice you share and it led me to realize I actually would like to pursue a career in psychology. I just started classes and while I’m excited to be here, I realize I’m having difficulty focusing and paying attention despite wanting to do the work. would you have any tips or other sources that might be helpful for me right now? I plan to remove most social media since it seems to be a big contributing factor in my lack of focus, but what else could work? thank you!

Hi anon!

I really struggled with staying focused in school as a result of my ADHD.

Some things that helped me were:

Finding study buddies. Finding people to do work with and study with was super motivating and helpful! Even if it was an online friend and we did our work at the same time so we felt together.

Making my study space welcoming and nice. I put pretty decor on it and made it feel mine. I put little treats in the top drawer so that I could have them as I studied. I put scented candles in I could light and just overall made it a nice aesthetic. Some people find gentle music helps them focus. (Not me personally, but I’ve heard from some people it really does!)

I’d also buy myself some stickers I loved and as I finished things, I’d get to “place” my sticker either on my notebook, binder or even laptop.

Found a routine. I don’t just mean a daily routine but a study routine. I’d make myself a nice warm cup of tea as I was about to settle in and it was the sort of thing that made homework seem relaxing and nice.

Keep track of my progress. I created an excel spreadsheet where I input all my assignments, readings, etc. and I’d mark the percentage I’d completed. I set it to be colour coded so that I felt motivated to make it get to 100% and go green.

Here’s an example.

This isn’t my own, but one I made for a friend when she saw my idea and really liked it. She also found it motivating. This was the end of semester so things were mostly 0% or 100% at this point. During the semester, she’d do things like mark 1% for completing a title page even because it felt super motivating and made it feel like progress. And then also increasing the progress percentage with each step/page/etc in an assignment. (Like if she wrote 4 pages of a 5 page essay, she might label it as 75% to keep in mind that she had one more page but also a final edit to do.) Seeing it climb really helped as she updated it along the way. She also really loved the “stars” I added every time it hit 100% in progress on something. A basic one might just have the assignment, due date and progress.

I found visually seeing my progress made me want to keep making it.

Set a timer. I recommend this for cleaning stuff but telling myself I’m only going to do work for ten minutes makes it easier to start and sometimes once I’m going, I end up on a roll and don’t want to stop.

Colour code notes. I loved getting to use different coloured pens or highlighters when I took notes. It made me more excited about it.

I’m super drained today, so I don’t have much else to add but I kind of want to write a post on this soon and compile more ideas. If anyone has sources they can add to this ask, please do!

[sugarsblurbs]

YES I LOVED IT.

I feel Eddie went under the radar for a lot of people due to his dads rep, so when it came to getting support for adhd people swept it under the rug and just assumed he was a bad seed. most people see him jumping his legs in class struggling to pay attention and just assume he’s a bad kid, not that he maybe needs support or anything. and when it comes to studying oh my god he can’t with all the words and focusing for hours on end, when he first started hs he would try to study and have his books open then one thing led to another and his books are forgotten while he makes a thing of Mac and cheese. that’s why when he starts trying to graduate the third time he really tries but feels defeated when his brain just doesn’t want to cooperate with him. which is where his gf comes in, who somehow sees things differently then others and suggests weird tips to help study. and holy shit it works for him. for the first time he’s studying and retaining shit. he’s slowly passing his courses, if only by bringing his f to a c, but hey it’s still passing!

Eddie knows she’s known as the weird girl, quiet and keep to herself but passionate about certain topics. she usually avoids the cafeteria during lunch because the sounds and smells are too much, opting for the library to start homework and listen to music. Eddie is fascinated by how different she sees things, sometimes suggesting weird things that always work. it’s like everyone else is operating inside a box and she’s already broken free from hers, or so he thinks. and god does he love when she just kind of cuts to the chase, blunt as fuck not afraid to say what’s on her mind. when ever he’s feeling down about himself he knows she’ll tell it to him straight without worrying about sugar coating it. sometimes he doesn’t understand her hyperfixations but he’s always willin to lend her an ear, not caring if it’s something he doesn’t care about, as long as she’s passionate about it. sometimes, when she doesn’t have the energy to mask and kind of shuts off, he loves when she just walks up to him and buries her face into his chest, letting him hold her tightly as she recharged (as she calls it)

sorry you inspired me <3

I love thisss😭❤️

Eddie and reader are so misunderstood but they get each 🫶🏼

They know when each other need their recharge.

I wish I had more so say I love this couple🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[rosalesbeausderholle]

I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know if it's due to being too much on That Damn Phone TM or some type of ADHD or both or neither but I've been suffering for so many years. At first I thought it was just my depression which made it hard to keep focused (which coincided with my final years in highschool which were the only ones where I really had to spend any extended period of time studying, before that I had enough with half an hour of studying) but then I got better and I still couldn't pay attention to anything anymore.

I am unable to start studying for any subject until it was 10 pm the previous night. It takes two pages to lose my concentration. I am unable to finish a project until 6 a-fucking-m the day it is due. How did I make it through uni with relatively good grades? Who the fuck knows? I spend hours and hours and hours working but 80% of that time is lost because first I have to fight against myself to not let my mind wander. I end up in a panic whenever I have three tasks at the same time. I've tried everything under the sun, every app, every method, every reward system.

This year wasn't the first year I had a job, but it was the first year where I had a job AND studied AND had an internship thing at the same time. I feel like I haven't had a single moment of rest since October. I had to do extra hours to finish my work tasks because I couldn't concentrate on them during work hours, which took time from my university homework hours which took time from my internship hours on and on and on. The last two weeks of last semester I was sleeping 3 hours a night. Working on finishing my papers from 6 am to 3 am, only to barely write anything the whole day because again 80% of the battle is against my brain.

I thought this semester would be different, I only have two classes, my job and my thesis, how bad can it be? Well, here I am, 40 days to handing my thesis in. I still only have 10 pages out of 60 (aiming for 30 this weekend though because I'm delusional and my mom will pay me cash money for it).

And I've gone to different therapists and psychiatrists and they're all like "well it technically can't be ADHD because the difficulties started when you were 16" and yeah technically and I'm sure social media addiction did not help at all but like the only reason the difficulties started when I was 16 was because I never needed to actually study before. Like I could learn everything from one reading because it was easy to me. As for homework, if I could get away with it I did wait until the very last day to do it. The days in which I didn't do that was when I did my homework while my mom (who is a teacher) tutored my cousins so we did all our homework together. Even now I need her to help me stay focused by setting me challenges to finish on time.

I don't know, I hope desperately that with some medicine this would be better, but I'm tired I'm so tired of this being my life, I'm convinced I'll end up having a heart attack just from sheer stress. I don't know what to do anymore.

[isa-ghost]

About how much time a day, or a week do you spend on writing your fic?

Cause I've been reading fics for years, but haven't started writing until relatively recently. I always knew in the back of my head that it took time to write and come up with the stories, but until recently I hadn't even begun to actually understand the time and energy it actually takes to write a fic. both short and long ones.

Now that I've started to think more about it, it would probably benefit fandom spaces a lot to more widely aknowledge the time it takes. It could probably help with the consumeconsumeconsume mindset of fancreations that I know that I've had, and that are present in a lot of fandoms, especially bigger ones

100% that last part, yeah.

See, for me it's even more complicated because not only am I squeezing writing between irl obligations like class, homework, work, family dinner, sleep, etc.

But I also have ADHD, so I'm battling my attention span and the temptations of my hyperfixations, as well as keeping up with my friends, fandom spaces, etc. I don't want to neglect any of those.

But focus is very difficult when I don't have absolutely nothing going on, which means I often need to shut everything completely out (which can take a lot of self control). I'll vanish on my friends and social media for hours, but still pause here and there to catch up on what I've missed for a short while before returning to writing because I HATE falling deep out of the loop and having a lot to catch up on is overwhelming. On top of that, how easily words are flowing and such also impacts how much or how long I write.

So I don't know if I have a simple or precise answer as to how long. But nonetheless, it's HOURS.

So far, for the 4 chapters that are published, I've sat down multiple days in a row OR every other day if I have time-consuming irl obligations, and written as much as I could before something depleted my motivation or I reached a good stopping point. Lately that's amounted to 1-5 paragraphs depending on the scene I'm at.

If it's something my plot plan has left more open-ended, it can take hours for me to work out how exactly I want to get to the next plot point. The Ch 3 Pissa date and stretching out the Ch 4 Eggza day was MISERABLE /lh because it was super open-ended since I wanted to give myself room to improvise, I don't like rigidly over-planning things bc a lot of the fun in writing is filling blanks between points. I get some AWESOME ideas in the moment thar aren't initially planned in my plot. For example, the foreshadowing I included in the Ch 2 nightmare where he hears Missa scream? If you check my post of my plan after I published the chapter, I pulled that out of my ass. It was originally just supposed to be a nightmare where he could hear Fit, Etoiles & Missa yelling to each other. I never planned for him to hear what's implied to be Missa injured.

But even though improvising is important (and required at some points of AMFMN), it's kinda hard to sit down and think of what to do with those parts when your hyperfixation streamer streams 3 days a week and on the days he doesn't, you have class + other things to do + other streams you refuse to miss + friends + etc etc etc and therefore you don't have a perfect distraction-free time to just go ham.

It takes a lot of self-discipline and control to not engage with stuff so I can focus on writing. And even still, depending on how cooperative my brain is that day, that can still be hours of writing.

Generally I try to chip away at least 3 paragraphs or get from one plot point to the next per day until the chapter is finished.

So TLDR; I spend hours a day, which totals to even more hours a week, working on a chapter.

It's equal parts because I get in the zone with writing and smash out a huge amount of the plot points planned for the chapter, OR I'm struggling with flow/attention span/a bunch of other things.

Due to my schedule, Tuesdays, Saturdays and Sundays are usually the best days for me to write. But even still, I have class Tuesday until close to noon, possibly other streams (curse you Sneeg and Fit /lh), work every other Saturday, family daily routine things like dinner, and the occasional plans with irl friends.

So uh. I do be battling the horrors sometimes to get chapters out. But now that Phil is finally possessed, I have a feeling I'll be breezing through things easier. I know a lot of what's happening next and I'm a whore for the drama. :3c

You have NO IDEA how much watching people scream and lose their minds over crumbs and currently published chapters motivates me. I'm so fucking excited for late game fic. Like Chapter 9 onwards. Ohohohough

[batfamfucker]

hello do yoy write headcanins for damian wayne?

Haven't yet but I would very much like to, so here. To calify some of these come from different posts I've seen on Tumblr and I can't remember who made them so I do not take credit for some of these. I will put a * next to the ones I did not come up if anyone knows who did or can find the post, feel free to link it in the comments. If the * is half way through it's because the headcanon came from someone else but then I also had my own addictions to then. Anything after the * for these will be my own headcanons.

Damian's eyes used to be brown but during training with the League as a child he was likely killed multiple times. His eyes became green due to the Lazurus Pit and that Batfam only find this out when looking at baby pictures of him. *

It took a while but when he finally settled into the family, he slowly started to accept it's okay to be a kid and let his guard down about 'not wanting to be seen as a child'. Starts to actually have a proper childhood. Only feels comfortable and safe enough to act his age around his family and people he's close with, though. Will only listen to Bruce, Alfred, and his older siblings (Plus Diana and Clark) when being told he can't do something because of age, like a particularly dangerous mission. This also applies to being told needs, like needing to go to bed early or do homework.

He has Martha Wayne's nose. No one could pinpoint whose nose he had until Alfred was cleaning up and found an old photo album, looked through it, and connected the dots. * Alfred immediately ran to tell Bruce, who almost cried because he's so used to everyone expecting Waynes to look like Thomas that he was over the moon for there to also be traits of his mother. Bruce was very greatful to say the least.

Has Autism and struggles with sensory issues. Owns noise cancelling headphones. Has a pair he wears in public that are a sleek black but at home he has a pair of those cat ones with the ears. One of his favourite things to do when he's burnt out is to wear them and listen to ASMR of cats purring whilst having Alfred The Cat in his lap so he can stroke his fur. Good stims.

Is great at masking but it leads to a lot of burnout.

Has non verbal days. Struggled with it a lot at first because he was punished for not answering during his days with the League so he had a lot of anxiety about not being accepted or even hurt. Bruce and Dick were very gentle and reassured him it was okay. It was a slow process but they managed to get there. Cass helped to teach him sign language. He tends to hang around her on these days because it brings him comfort to know it's not just him.

Bruce spoke to doctors and such about diagnosing Damian the minute he started noticing the signs. Being neurodivergent himself (I think Bruce has ADHD and perhaps Autism too) and having multiple children who are also neurodivergent, it didn't take long. You start to be quite good at it.

Bruce also had Damian start having therapy sessions with their family therapist when Damian began settling in. (They 100% have one and you can't tell me otherwise. Bruce himself wouldn't have gotten help at first in the early days but I refuse to believe he's just gonna let his kids sit there with obvious C-PTSD and not do anything. It started years ago when Bruce tracked down reputable therapists and observed them for a while, probably months, before approving that they were trustworthy of knowing secret identities based on their character. He hired them for the League and wider hero community, but also he hired one specifically for his family. He had sessions with Jason when they were finally able to start reconciling which helped the process greatly. He's had sessions with all of his kids. I may make another post about this tbh. He also had multiple sessions with each of his children when he came back from 'death'.) It took a little convincing and at first Damian was essentially wasting his sessions and not being too cooperative, but after some time he started to actually open up. He actually felt relief and it was one of the main things that led him to accepting his Autism diagnosis and processing his trauma and the abuse he experienced. It encouraged him to embrace the freedom he finally had to have a real childhood and actually get to be a kid.

Doesn't always show it but actually feels emotions very deeply and is incredibly empathetic. My dude literally became a vegetarian because he was upset when he realised how awful farm animals were being treated. It's very obvious he cares deeply about others and I find it strange when people think he doesn't. He's Robin for a reason. This boy searched Gotham's sewers for a few of Martha's missing pearls to gift to Bruce. Damian has a heart of gold, it was just damaged for a long time so he didn't know how to treat people at first. In his early days in the family, he was horrible simply because he was raised that way. That's how he had been treated and therefore learned that's how he should treat others. It wasn't until he had the influence of the wider world and was actually treated with love by his family that he was able to unlearn those behaviours and explore that part of him that did want to help others and be kind, to explore his empathy.

Diana will take Damian out to vegetarian restaurants she loves. *

Jason cooks/bakes with Alfred and they always make sure to cook/bake a vegan version of whatever they're making for Damian. Jason also likes to test out new vegan recipes on Damian.

Jason and Alfred also make a list about what foods give Damian sensory issues/What textures Damian doesn't like.

Damian also sometimes likes to cook/bake with them.

After the Pride and Prejudice book borrow event (Which is canon in my mind), Jason reorganised a small corner of his personal library in the Manor and moved his books to replace them with books Damian loves, as well as books he's read that he thinks Dami will like. Made the nook as comfortable for Damian as possible and everything there is designed with some of Damian's favourite textures and such. Like a soft faux fur rug, a really comfy chair and blanket. It's got stim toys and even a hidden mini fridge behind a panel in the book case full of water and snacks. It's so if he's hyperfixating on a good book, he can stay hydrated and stuff. Jason acts tough but is a good brother. Will spoil his siblings and make sure they have everything because he knows what it's like to have nothing.

Gay and (I'm ignoring all the time stuff and pretending him and Jon got to grow up together properly) realises when he begins to crush on Jon. In denial at first but learns to accept it because of his family (Who are 100% all queer in some way). Childhood friends to lovers.

Plays the violin and also learns piano.

Amazing artist. Bruce turns one of the guest rooms into an art studio for Damian. It's fully Damian's space and he's allowed to draw on/paint on the walls, ceilings, etc, not just the canvases. (Sidenote: I headcanon that Bruce tries to give each of his kids their own hobby room. Jason has his library, which is canon, Cass has a dance studio, Dick has one full of circus equipment and obstacles, Tim has a photography studio/gaming room, etc).

Minecraft Mondays with Tim. * Eventually all the other kids also join too and they 'force' Bruce and Alfred to play (Bruce was hoping they'd ask because he loves finding ways to spend time with them and is just happy to be there. Glad that all his kids have something in common that they love and do together. Alfred was just intrigued by it). Surprisingly Bruce is great at the game and will go get the resources so his kids can build. Will kill mobs for them all, expecially for those that are lowkey scared of them (Dick and Jason, who won't admit it). Alfred is a master builder and just disappeared somewhere on the sever. Eventually they find what he was up to and discover he built a whole kingdom by himself. He's also great at speed running the game and got to The End within the first three hours of playing. Dick is terrible at the game. Is the one that will be like 'This is fine. I'm fine' and all you see in the group chat is 'MyNameWasn'tAllowed fell from a high place', 'MyNameWasn'tAllowed tried to swim in lava', 'MyNameWasn'tAllowed was killed by a silverfish'. Babs is the redstone expert. Tim is the sever modder that finds the best mods that will work on servers and installs them for everyone. Also dabbles in redstone. Cass plays the same way Alfred does and will just dissappear, she's also a master. She likes to collect flowers and decorate the area they built. Steph is the server prankster. Duke and Damian tend to do duo quests and adventures together. Jason is the sever food producer and uses it to play farming simulator essentially. Screamed when he was jumpscared by a Creeper that blew up his wheat patch. Cass and Duke helped him rebuild out of sympathy whilst Steph typed out a laughing emoji on a sign and left if in his house. Bruce patrolls near Jason and Dick the most.

Regularly plays chess with Bruce, Alfred, Tim, and Jason. Gives lessons to Duke.

Slips into Arabic when angry and/or overwhelmed. Also when he's sleepy. There's been times where Bruce has carried him to bed and Damian has softly mumbled stuff to him in Arabic. It's usually sweet stuff he only says when he's tired. Like an 'I love you' of some kind.

Sometimes after a long patrol he doesn't really have to speak and will just reach his arms out and Bruce will pick him up to carry him to bed. If Damian's not already asleep by the time they get there, he'll stroke his hair and trace a finger down from his brow line to the tip of his nose. He's done this with all of his children.

Regularly reads bedtime stories to his pets.

Has nightmares quite often and so was hesitant to have sleepovers with Jon at first because he didn't want to be vulnerable or for Jon to see him overwhelmed and emotional if he had one. Later into their friendship he actually speaks to Jon about it and they finally have a sleepover, and then many more. He did have nightmares during some of them but Jon quickly learned how to deal with them and help Damian relax. In time, Damian starts to notice he has less nightmares when with Jon. They also happen less and less as he gets older. In their later teenage years, Jon has basically developed the skill to know when Damian is having a nightmare via his heartbeat, whether he's awake or a sleep. He'll be at the Manor within about two seconds to help Damian when they happen.

When craving cuddles, he either goes to Bruce, Dick, Jason, or, surprisingly, Steph. She's just very soft and huggable.

Has crawled into Tim's lap randomly before when Tim was at his desk. It happened after they actually started considering each other as brother's and stopped fighting as much. He didn't say anything or give a warning, just curled into him and silently played on the Nintendo Switch he brought with him. Tim was slightly taken aback at first but then just readjusted to get more comfortable and leaned back. He changed to only using one hand for his computer, and used his other to stroke Damian's back idly. It made him smile though, glad that their relationship had developed, even if they still bicker sometimes. It was moments like this that made him understand why Jay and Dick enjoy being big brothers. It was moments like this that made Tim realise people really do love him, and that there's always people worth staying for. That there's always a little brother who's gonna need you. He has a baby brother that needs him, and other siblings and a dad and granddad and friends that all need him. That would miss him. It's moments like this that makes Tim realise he doesn't think he has it in him to ever take that away from them.

Damian eventually refers to Alfred as Grandfather. Gets him and Bruce both cards and thoughtful gifts on Father's Day. Also leaves flowers on Thomas' grave. Will do the same for Martha on Mother's Day.

Bruce will check up on him (And the others) when it's Mother's Day. He tries to plan family trips/day outs for it, but will leave time to sit in his office in the morning just in case Talia calls and requests to spend time with Damian. She hasn't yet.

On holidays like Mother's Day and Talia's birthday, Damian will leave a gift by his window and then stay out of his room for a few hours. When he comes back, they're always gone. There's always a note, though, with a chocolate kiss on the top. He accepts every kiss, and saves every note. For his own birthday, he'll walk into his room to find a present on his bed. For Christmas, now that he celebrates it, Damian will set a gift by the window and leave, only to come back later and see a different one than the one he left. Every time, there's no trace of anyone entering or exiting, but he'd recognise his mother's perfume anywhere. He'll sit by his window to open his presents in case she stays to watch. She always does. When it's Christmas, she'll wait with her gift for when Damian returns, so they can open them together.

Every so often, Damian writes a letter about how his life is going to Talia but never sends them. He keeps them in a box with a small hope that one day he'll finally be able to give them to her.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi there, and Happy Holidays! I hope you’re doing well. I’m having trouble determining my type - I’m currently torn between INFP and INFJ. You seem very well-informed on Jung’s theory, so I’d like to ask for a type assessment from you. My main conflict is what feeling function I use.

For extra info, I’m 21F. I have ADHD-PI, social anxiety and depression, as well as some trauma, which may affect how I present myself as well as my level of health. I think, regardless of which functions I use, I use them in an unhealthy manner. It’s also worth noting that I don’t have a lot of life experience due to a sheltered upbringing (over-protective parents and relatively lavish home life meant that I never felt the need to demand much from the outside world).

INFP:

Dominant Fi:

I do have a one-sidedness when it comes to my values (if you could call them that, I’m really not sure), deeming types of hobbies, fashion, ambitions, and as such subsets of people as superior or inferior depending on what I think of them. My judgment affects how I see others in a big way. For example, I’ll judge people for dressing in a way I perceive to be “lazy”, because “do they not realise how they look to other people?”. Then, I’ll assume that they’re not associating with beyond common courtesy. Obviously, I know this line of thinking could seem haughty of me, so I don’t express this to others.

I place a lot of value on sophistication, intellect and manners, and expect the same of everyone else as well. My values mostly revolve around my expectations of how people should behave. I’m easily disappointed when I fail to notice these values in others, because my perspectives are based on what I truly believe is best for humanity at large. I recognise that this could be seen as imposing, and I never directly call people out for behaviour I dislike - I would rather persuade them to my side diplomatically.

I’ll be honest, the main reason I believe my feeling process to be introverted is the fact that I just can’t connect to my country’s culture, and it makes me resent it. It’s so heavily focused on everything I have no interest in; drinking, sport, nights out, TV. There’s a worrying amount of anti-intellectualism beginning to prevail too. It bothers me to the point that I want to emigrate, just so I can find likeminded people elsewhere. As such, I have difficulty seeing any values I hold as objective (as much as I wish for them to be universal), when I’m so disconnected from the objective world around me.

Inferior Te:

I lack the fundamental ability to implement solid solutions to my problems. I’m generally very inefficient and dependent on others to help me with this, such as homework in the past or filling in applications. I do struggle to fathom how people navigate the business world and the likes so seamlessly, and I often find myself admiring their ruthless nature. This is probably because my lack of natural assertion has led to problems within my personal life.

I become extremely cold and judgmental under stress, and only care about myself. I tend to self-centredly blame everyone but myself for the issues in the world, including me not being able to identify with those around me, and desperately want to “correct” them. This could be construed as black-and-white thinking in terms of morality. I rely on external standards to amplify my self-image, such as high grades in the past. Despite my coldness, I can flip to being ridiculously sensitive when someone makes me feel inadequate or beneath them, and it can lead to me being snappy with others.

Auxilary Ne:

I believe I use Ne as an escape from the world. I’ll often turn to fantasy as a way to cope. I have used this to procrastinate more pressing issues that I didn’t want to deal with, preferring to live in my daydreams where everything is easier. While I do have very complex worlds in my head, this can be enriched by things outside of it too. For example, I’ll admire the dynamics of a friendship group in a show, and wish for that for myself. So, I form an ideal group in my mind. This serves as a double-edged sword, because while it can be meaningful inspiration for me to implement in reality, it can also lead to bitter disappointment if these ideals can’t be realised.

However, Ne can cause larger issues than just procrastination. I will envision only negative outcomes to situations, leading to complete inaction. Eventually I lose hope altogether, thinking there’s nothing in the future for me, and reject the world altogether. My mind becomes more narrow, only choosing to stick to very specific situations and trains of thought.

I often turn to external forms such as music to identify my feelings, seeking to find myself within the feelings and expressions of others. I then wish to embody the images I find within the song, in hopes that I can discover my identity that way. This also gives me the opportunity to explore different perspectives, which can often help liberate my typical one-sidedness.

Tertiary Si:

In terms of Si loop, this tends to manifest in the form of craving my childhood back. I wish I could lose the responsibility on my shoulders and just go back to playing imaginary games and being completely oblivious to the world.

I also have a tendency to become closed-minded, immediately shutting out other people’s ideas that don’t “fit” in my own head. I would rather take no action at all than risk making the wrong move, because the regret would just be paralysing. My past experiences tend to drastically influence how I perceive things, and it’s difficult for me to wrap my head around how someone can see things so differently to how I do. As such, I cling onto my perceptions of the world heavily.

INFJ:

Dominant Ni:

I have always been known as an idealist, and someone that lives in my head. My mind was always my escape from the harshness of reality. Ever since I was young, I’ve developed deeply personal mental images and narratives, and purpose has been my driving force. When I was a child, I had myself fully convinced for years that I was a fairy queen doomed to live inside a human husk to test my fortitude for my “kingdom’s” sake. Even now, I always need to have some sort of abstract ideal propelling me forward.

The future has always been my main priority in life. Even if I don’t have a concrete idea of my life’s trajectory, I always know if something does or doesn’t fit into it. Others around me have complimented my insightfulness and my ability to predict what will eventually become of a situation. This can be anything from the plot of a story, to a relationship, generally anything can lead my mind to spiral towards a single-minded prediction.

However, this has been a large source of pain and isolation throughout my life. When I’m at my lowest, I make sweeping generalisations such as “everything is meaningless”, “everyone is so boring”, “every form of media I consume is shallow”. It makes me feel self-conscious, wondering if my expectations are too high, but I can’t seem to let go of my ideals regardless. I’ve been noted as a very detached person, taking my inner world too seriously.

Inferior Se:

The mundane has never interested me. I’ve never taken the world at face value, which does lead to warped perceptions and dashed expectations at times. I honestly tend to look down on those that exhibit more impulsive, hedonistic traits. I’ve been told that I need to “let loose” more, but I just can’t fathom doing that. I don’t understand why someone wouldn’t want to be in full control of themselves and their presentation at all times. I can’t envision my life or the world without meaning, and as such, I unconsciously reject anything I deem surface-level or crass. This does tend to overlap with typical Se traits.

However, there are times where I fall into Se traits during stress. I blurt out things I don’t mean to say, hyper-focus on insignificant details to the point that I lose sleep, and indulge myself needlessly in sensory pleasures, such as food, or deliberately delve into more shallow forms of communication, such as social media. A lot of the time, I obsessively seek out people or outside circumstances that prove my personal narrative about a concept, in a way to prove it to both myself and others. I expect and take from the world, but ultimately provide nothing.

Auxilary Fe:

As probably highlighted in my Fi section, I do exhibit some resistant behaviours towards Fe. Generally, any area will come with stereotypes of those that live there, and I don’t fit that mould at all. I’m quiet, prudent and abstract-minded in comparison to what’s expected. It’s a complicated experience for me, because as much as I resist what a lot of common behaviours represent, another part of me wants to beat myself up relentlessly for not fitting in perfectly. I often hope that I’m just viewing people negatively and tarring everyone with the same brush, so I will find my crowd eventually. I have never once rejected the concept of following objective values - if anything, it appeals to me greatly. I just think I have been extremely unlucky with the ones I’m expected to follow. Rather than following a greater purpose or meaningful relationship, I feel stuck in the monotony of my home.

Honestly, my default state is still to go along with everyone else’s wishes and forget my own feelings. It got to the point where I questioned if I could feel at all sometimes, and I’d lose my sense of identity altogether. I can’t bear any kind of conflict and I’m always trying to harmonise with those around me. The resentment I mentioned has only blossomed within the last few months, when I realised that the environment can’t always play to my preferences and strengths. It came to me like a flash of lightning. I often find myself wishing I could “unsee” the issues that led me to this constant frustration, so I could lose myself again and just comply. At least that sort of mindset could be seen as romantic or pitiful - my feelings now are just pure pettiness, and deliberately targeted at those I seek validation from.

I adjust my behaviour quite a bit to suit the emotional atmosphere, both to avoid exposure and to be seen in a positive light. I know what I can and can’t express, maintain etiquette, and try to carry myself well. As well as adjusting, though, I do try to have some sort of influence and warp the atmosphere to suit myself as well. I always strive to be a positive influence on others, and tend to view myself in the light that I want to be seen by the world at large. This is all in the hopes that eventually, I’ll be recognised by everyone as the ideal I’m trying to live up to, and others will follow in my footsteps.

I’m ridiculously sensitive to any form of criticism or rejection, and isolate myself often to protect myself. Any negative comment made towards me, even someone looking at me the wrong way, can completely throw me off and ruin my self-perception. This is amplified tenfold when around new people - I’m extremely self-conscious and try to come across as almost too perfect.

Tertiary Ti:

I see detached analysis as a comfort, in a strange way. The relief that comes with being able to detach and let go of emotional baggage is therapeutic for me. However, when I do use Ti to navigate my emotional life, it tends to take the form of rationalising my feelings, figuring out why I feel a certain way before I can accept it and express it to others. Naturally, this line of thinking extends to how I work around other people’s feelings, too.

However, I believe I can use Ti in an unhealthy manner too. When I detach from the emotional realm too much, this can quickly lead me to a misanthropic and cynical worldview. I tell myself that nobody is worth engaging with because they won’t understand, let alone accept, what’s going on in my head. I flip between desperately wanting to be loved and questioning why, when I can only think negatively of people.

I acknowledge that my logic can be flawed, but it’s hard to grasp that in the moment. It really throws me off when someone points out holes in my logic, though - even if I know I’m wrong deep down, I will often cling to my way of thinking just for the sake of it.

Any insight would be immensely helpful, I hope I followed your instructions well enough. Thanks so much if you read all of this.

---------------------

You're really pulling and stretching at the INFP functions to try to make them fit and even ignoring strong counter-evidence, whereas the INFJ functions are a much more natural fit. You seem to have a long journey of function development ahead of you but I believe Ni+Fe lie at the heart of the project rather than Fi+Ne. As such, I would conclude your type is INFJ with a high degree of confidence.

[saltyartificialintelligence]

Vent

fuck fuck fuck fuck i fucking hate feeling like this oh my god

i have so much homework due next monday because we're on "break" but were not even on break as uni exam year students we still go to school regularly but everyone used it all as an excuse to give us hundreds of papers of homework like we have all the time in the world im going to fucking cry we still go to school and i know im not gonna be able to finish it but i cant even bring myself to do it bc im sof ucking exhausted all the time lately and i dont even know why my life went downhill so quickly and i feel like eveything is out of order now and i dont even know how to fix it why did things end up like this i dont know what to do i cant cry to my parents because they never take me seriously i cant cry to my sister because shes just going to make fun of me i dont want to cry to my friends because they have their own lives to worry about and i cant just burden them with mine like this,,

i constantly feel like an alien trying to communicate with my classmates at school,, since my friends all left to different schoolslast year and im stuck all alone and im trying to make new friends but i constantly feel like an outsider,,, i feel like thyere all what a person is supposed to be but im deranged,,, they all have their lives in order and im typing away on this hellsite because im so overwhelmed i want to cry,,,

my mock exam results were garbage and im not even able to do my math homework its the one thing i thought i was good at and now i cant even manage that

I dont have time to draw i dont have time to play games i need to study but im so exhausted that i cant focus at all and im never going to make it to uni at this rate and everything keeps piling on and on and now im stuck and the adhd is only making things worse for me

My teeth constantly hurt my back is always stiff and im in incredible pain and my hair keeps getting oily and my exams always go like shit these days but i dont know if i have enough time to get everything in order i

My psychiatrist is too expensive now and i can only go to her once every 2 months but im nort getting any help at all and she refuses to prescribe me anything bc im not 20 yet but i just want to stop feeling like this and start being functional again i dont care if it messes up my hormones or if i cant give birth or if my period cycle gets messed uo or something i dont care just i just want to feel better again i want everything to stop so that i can catch a break bur it all keeps going faster and im lost

bc of the stuoid fucking wheather the lights keep going out and none of the plugs work properly and so my phone is never charged and Its been like this for days and my dad went on a trio and my mom doesn't want to call an electric and im so fucking annoyed all the time now

My dad never stops making marks about how my grades arent enough and my mom keeos commenting on my weight and my appearance and im so sick and tired of everything i want to fall asleep for 6 years

i have to organise things in my server but i keep putting it off and uts been like that for days and im so overwhelmed at the thought of the task that i cant even start now so im stuck in place being completely unproductive i want this to end i want to study i want to organise the server i want to have a stable life again but things keep going wrong and now im sitting in the kitchen crying and typing bc its like screaming into a void on tumblr

Im so sick and tired of living like this jm exhausted i want the selfcest shipper to leave me alone already i physically need her to leave me the hell alone but she keeps blocking me and unblocking me and following me and unfollowing me and i spend all my time worrying whether or not i did something wrong or upset her and yet she keeps asking to join the aerver and then leaving the server but ppl like her for some reason but shes been nothing but rude to me and keeps acting entitled and i want to be done with her bullshit already

i feel like im slowly losing my mind but bc i act normal irl noone ever realises it but my bucket always fills and i end up lashing out at the weomg time constantly and getting yelled at for it but its fine for everyone to treat me like garbage right?? Its fine for my classmates and own parents to never listen to me and always interrupt me when im trying to talk i guess i should just keep quiet but i have emotions too and i experience them normally amd i should be allowed to express them instead of being told to shut up or getting ignored

I want to sleep for a long time

[astridthevalkyrie]

If it’s not too much, can u pls tell me how does it feel like to be a law student? Having a rough time picking majors for next year ;-;

Thank you!

not too much at all! obviously my word is not the end all be all but i can tell you what my experience has been so far.

law school is hard, but it also isn't. it's a crapton of reading, first off. one class could give you fifty pages of reading that need to be read by the next day. professors will post a syllabus/schedule so you can try and read ahead and you might for a while, but it's impossible to be on top of everything all the time. i've already seen breakdowns and had breakdowns, and i've been in law school for all of (checks watch) two and a half months. since classes grade pretty much only on final exams and maybe midterms, anyone like me who relied on always getting their homework done on time and participation to keep their grades up will be miserable.

you need to carve out time. a lot of time. you may think it'll take you two hours to do one reading—it'll take four hours at least. but if you give yourself that time, for reading, for studying, for practice questions, you'll stay above the surface. your social life is gonna die a little. not as terribly as i imagine med students' lives do, but you can't see your friends every week. you can't spend time with your family every week. you can't indulge in your hobbies every week.

extracurriculars are....also not the same as undergrad. there's no joining theatre club or creative writing or anime club as a way to destress after classes and turn your mind off from your studies. every club is a law society of sorts and they all do pretty much the same thing—if they're a diversity group of some kind, they'll plan things around that identity (i've seen henna+study! and destress+dragbingo! events from the south asian and gay straight alliance law societies respectively). they'll offer outlines from students who have already taken the classes you're taking. they'll give you an idea of how it feels to be an upperclassman and good advice on what to do to survive your first year (and their advice helps a lot more than teachers). mostly every club requires dues. the big clubs are any advocacy progams, like mock trial or moot court, and if you compete in those your life will get harder because you do have to put in the work to succeed in those competitions.

i have terrible adhd, executive dysfunction, procrastination problems, focusing issues, whatever you wanna call it. i'm writing this in class right now. i usually can't focus in class and have to do most of my learning outside of it. the reading IS important. what's also important is looking at outlines made by people who took the same class AND had the same teacher. doing practice problems, talking to at least one other classmate to try and understand things (study "groups" are a little overhyped, they're not as deadly necessary as everyone says they are. just have at least one person in every class that you can confer and sit down with sometimes.)

law students are pretentious! unfortunately. i'm not in a super diverse area, so i'm one of four or five south asian girls in my section of `70 people. many people talk like they are god's gift to the world. and many people don't and are completely chill. everyone is struggling, though. everyone has a weak spot and everyone seems to some extent have imposter syndrome. if you do get into law school, you gotta remember you got in. on your own merits. no one is smarter or dumber than you, just different.

classes themselves are interesting. your first year your classes are decided for you so you can take all the basic classes you need to study more advanced stuff. and things will surprise you. i thought civil procedure just by its name sounded incredibly boring. but it's not! i wouldn't pursue a career in it, but seeing cases succeed or fail based on technicalities and guidelines is fasinating to me. your legal writing class will make you do research on things you don't know about, and suddenly you're kind of an authority on them! (don't debate a lawyer, but, y'know, throw some big words around your friends and family.)

it feels so good when things click. when you've studied for two hours and suddenly you figure this shit out, it's like a whole new world just opened up for you. it's incredibly satisfying to answer questions correctly. don't worry about memorization as much as you should worry about understanding, exams can be open book and if they're not professors will know they're not and will not make them rely just on your memory.

SO. all in all. law school is tough, much tougher than undergrad, everyone around you knows it's tough, and if you think you can do hours of reading at a time, write in a way you've never written before (cite. after. every. assertion.) and isolate yourself away from everything and everyone to focus on your studies, then go for it. don't think it's for super super smart people, it's not. don't think you need to know the law or the constitution or anything to apply, you don't. if you're a fan or argument, or persuasion, or even etymology, you could do really well at law school.

feel free to ask me anything else about it!

[lil-ms-dipst]

Minecraft music is the best fucking thing my god

Like.. This post is specifically about me. If you prefer another OST that's fine I'm not saying yours is invalid but holy FUCK bro. Minecraft soundtrack just.. hits a part of my brain that nothing else can. Is it because I've been playing it for about 10-11 years now?? Maybe. Is it because I've spent countless dollars on it including dropping 50$ on fucking CROCS???? Maybe. But something about the soundtrack is just.. it's pure bliss to me. Like, my ADHD?? Fucking gone. My brain unscrambles itself, even if it's just for a little bit, whenever a Minecraft song comes on. Now there's C418, which of course I grew up with as he was the only artist really for the early soundtracks. But the new artists (I say new as if the Caves & Cliffs update isn't from like 2-3 years ago) are amazing too. An Ordinary Day literally carried my ass through my first year of college. Any time I'd have a mental breakdown or knew I was about to I just put it on and.. waited. Everything would be okay. During my senior year of high school or before my therapy Minecraft song was either of the 1.13 tracks that play specifically when you're underwater. And Infinite Amethyst too, god such a good song. That one helped a lot too, especially when needing to nap. I had a mental breakdown at work yesterday due to getting a horrific dinner rush I am not used to getting and everybody around me getting a bit pissy and our order screen just wouldn't clear up and we were running low on everything. I knew I was about to explode, so I tell the manager I need to use the bathroom and in there I just begin texting my parents. Besides their comfort, I put on the Minecraft soundtrack (starting with some Caves and Cliff shit of course) and like magic everything felt better. Everything felt nice and calm and happy. I don't know what causes it but fuck I am so happy I found music that works like this. I use Minecraft music to help me focus on homework too, especially shit I don't want to do at all. Helps me focus when my meds can't, because ADHD be damned. Nothing really shows how much a soundtrack can make you feel better than when you're naked in the shower crying your eyes out and you put on that song and just.. you feel better. Or you are about to have a breakdown and you need to just clear your head before your next class so you spend like twenty minutes just.. eyes closed drifting in your thoughts.. with that one song. Or struggling to focus on something you don't wanna do so you put on that one song. I am so happy for the existence of the Minecraft soundtrack and the way it's impacted me is beyond anything I can put into words. Sure, it gave me literal like years of bullying since I was 8 that never stopped until I was like 17, but it also gave me this music, and tons of friends I would've never met otherwise. It gave me creativity and a way to express it before I could figure out other ways. It just. It is so lovely.

[fqiryinfo]

Managing School with ADHD

Introduction

I am professionally diagnosed with ADHD and have struggled greatly in school before the diagnosis. While I still struggle, it's not as much since I've been medicated. These are things that I've noticed help me, but may not work for you or you may have something else that prevents them from working for you. This being said, I do not receive accommodations from my school and these things have helped me keep my grades up. These may be impractical for others, but they've helped me so I thought I'd share!

Tip #1: Set Many Alarms

I have alarms for everything. A common theme among myself and people I know with ADHD is struggling to get up in the morning and sleeping through alarms. To help combat this, I have 22 alarms for the morning (which is a bit excessive, but since doing so I've only overslept twice) and they start a few hours before I have to officially be up. This way, my brain has time to get out of the deep-sleep state and I can hear the alarm when it's time to get up. I also have alarms for when to take my medications, as well as decent times for meals (since I often hyperfocus or hyperfixate on something and forget to eat). I also have someone to call me in the morning to make sure I'm awake.

Tip #2: Fidgets

These don't have to be ones that are seen as common fidget toys either. I often use a bracelet, which is discrete and allows me to keep my hands busy while trying to keep my focus on something. I snap my bracelet against my wrist when I start to dissociate a lot as well. I also have a pop-it fidget that was given to me by my old counselor that the school is required to allow me to use if not in state testing (ex: SAT) for dissociation, even though it helps with hyperactivity as well. This isn't the case for every school though, so I suggest something more discrete such as jewelry if you're unsure or afraid to ask.

Tip #3: Let Your Teachers Know

This isn't a possibility for everyone and can even be difficult to start a conversation about, especially if you aren't diagnosed because they may not believe you. However, you could simply say you struggle with focusing and a lot of the time, teachers understand and may even refer you to get an assessment. This isn't always the case, so I'd wait to see if I trust the teacher first. But since doing this, I've been able to get small extensions on things that have helped tremendously with getting things in on time. The truth is, a lot of teachers do want their students to succeed so it's worth a shot if you don't have accommodations.

Tip #4: To-Do Lists

I actually only do this for homework, but the idea could work for anything. I list each of my classes with two sections under for upcoming due dates and the other for assignments that are overdue. This way, I can work through them by priority and how close to being due they are. If they have awhile, they don't rank high as a priority. I also keep the due date behind the assignment name so I can know how far away each due date is. This can work in similar ways for other things too. For example, if a trash can is full and there are a few dishes in the sink, I'd put it on a to-do list with the trash as a higher priority.

Tip #5: Utilize Class Time

This is a lot easier said than done and I still tend to have homework once I'm done. But I'm medicated at school and not at home, so it's easier for me to work during class. I've noticed that if I get done early in one class and change to focus on another's work instead, it's a lot easier for me to do my work. I tend to try and ignore my phone until after school because then there aren't distractions, but it doesn't always work since a majority of my work is online and I need to submit my paper work online by taking pictures. However, I find that if I keep the groove going without a long break, it's easier for me to get back into focusing.

Tip #6: Do homework as soon as you get home.

This only works for me because I don't have an after school extracurricular activity until 6pm usually. So when I get home, if I get started quick then my brain is still in focusing-on-school mode and I can keep focus on that easier. It's easier said than done, even though I'm suggesting it. Like many people with ADHD, I'm a maladaptive daydreamer and have a tendency to daydream right after school. After I dissociate to high degrees, my medicine has worn off, no matter how long ago I took it. So I've come up with the plan to daydream for 20-30 minutes and setting an alarm for it to take a break then do homework. It's not easy and doesn't always work, but it's offered some help so far.

Tip #7: Reminder Apps

I'm mostly talking about the calendar app, but anything that has a similar purpose would also work. I'm in a music class, so I put my performances in it. I also put big tests in there, as well as appointments and basically anything else that may be big, such as anniversaries, days scheduled off, assemblies, etc. This not only helps with ADHD, but also with amnesia. Overall, anything big and with a specific date could be put in and it would send a reminder to me the day of.

[spatterdots]

Always a fun thing when I learn a new thing about adhd and how it operates and get to reflect on experiences I’ve had in my past and go “That was an adhd thing?!”

In this case food paralysis, where I refrained from eating food due to having to choose something to eat, or even just like the autism overlap with aversion to certain food textures on certain days.

Middle school was baby’s first eating disorder, but I never thought anything was wrong because in school they tell you the only reason people have eating disorders is because they wanna be skinny.

(Continued rant about American Education System and having to learn about how you’re body works mainly in the dark below the cut ⬇️)

Like, I’ve had lack of appetite as a symptom of my meds, but I swear the American education system has something against telling kids that there is more than one factor that can contribute to lack of well-being other than like bullying or social pressure. Such as feeling you’re in an unsafe environment; even if that unsafe environment is more of an accumulation of stressors like from homework piling up or some thing, it’s not like physically harming you but it also is.

There’s so many little things like that that they don’t tell you can happen but then when you talk to someone else with the right words you find is such a Common Experience across the board with people, especially those that fall under the neurodivergent umbrella. It’s frustrating that you don’t have that information about how your own body can function.

As an example of where they seem like they’re teaching you the basics but it turns out to be so bare-bones that it doesn’t actually help you, is the food groups. You think you have a grasp on how nutrients work when you go and start preparing your own meals but then you realize there’s actually much more complexity in how the human body absorbs nutrients. I think of the post about brussel sprouts on here—where by using butter or cheese (a fat) when cooking brussel sprouts it not only makes it taste better but also increases the amount of nutrients you’re absorbing from those brussels sprouts.

It’s just not fair that mandatory classes that were supposed to teach you about maintaining a healthy body ended up not even being a good reference point once you start doing research for yourself. I’m not saying that all human bodies have the same baseline, but I AM saying that diversity in bodily needs should be disclosed in these classes.

There are obviously other problems with the U.S. education system, many that need addressing before getting to issues like this. However, it’s still a gripe I have and I think other people deserve better from their public education experience.

[openly-journaling]

Smidge: 2/19/2024

So we got a counseling appointment Wednesday morning. I'd like to stop dissociating so much, it's not like our body says we're going to switch out any time soon by the feel of it. Still front stuck with Marshmallow. though I did feel Dizzy's presence a bit earlier and Andrew's. They were more co-conscious. The headache has disappeared at least, so there's that. Homework is due tomorrow and I.. still haven't started.

I'm in a FAR better mood than yesterday and the day before, so I SHOULD be able to get it done. I hope. Why am I so paralyzed by all of this. Marshmallow would step in but he can't seem to take over any control over the body right now. It's like he's just here to keep me company. I want to talk to my brother again and know how he's doing.

I want to see Sorrow and I hope he's doing well without me also. But I just feel so stuck here. It's so funny Marshmallow is a gatekeeper but sometimes it just doesn't fucking work for him either. His ability to control who fronts is limited to when and only when we aren't locked like this.

I don't feel miserable but I feel miserable. Not like "it's the end of the world, kill me, I need to quit school" miserable. But just.. "I wish I could just do it" miserable. I'm so tired. Mentally over this issue. Like everywhere else right now I'm fine for the most part. Minor anxieties. I think knowing we still have at least a 90% in both classes helps. So if we fall back a little bit it won't damage things too much. But that doesn't mean that just because we can, we should.

I don't remember if I talked about this in the last post. I don't recall doing it, but being late, behind all of that has brought back memories of high school. Knowing we'd never be good enough for anyone back then. That's why we dropped math class. It wasn't like the math was hard, we were just so behind at that point in just trying to reach the homework that it stressed us out too much.

Maybe as a solution we could have just gone to the school to log in and reach our stuff and then print it off in the library. We just didn't. We were still so far behind. I'm just so glad our math teacher was beyond understanding and even gave us another option. Though I don't think she fully realized the option she gave us (part of it being online and part of it being in person) is where the struggle is well.. the struggle. We dropped the class mostly because we couldn't keep up because we couldn't even access the homework. Ugh.

But that's okay. There's always another opportunity to do it but I think we should just do math by itself when the opportunity presents itself. After we finish all the other basics, like Biology, Psychology and Interpersonal Communications. I'm sure there may be a few other fields as well but I think those are the main four we need to do for general studies first?

Anyway. Since dropping math class the memories of high school haven't been as prominent. But now we're having this sudden executive dysfunction issue and now.. but I don't fully recall if the lack of doing our homework then was a result of that or a result of the stress of foster care. It could be both or either one. We just can't let this happen again. We cannot. Not for this. Back when we were a child/teenager what matter did it make to us.

There was no dopamine in any of it. ADHD doesn't care about grades and papers and homework. ADHD cares about fun. But now I can't even have fun, just stressed by this idea we'll fall behind again. Why am I front stuck? Why? Can the body just let me switch now? Why do I have to deal with all this life stuff, I'm just a silly woodland boy. I prefer relaxation and comfort with people I care about, not all this stressful stuff.

Marshmallow consistently whispering in my ear that it's okay, it'll be alright. No it won't. It never has been and it never will be. Saying everything will turn out right has actually made things worse before.