#hes just my little guy i wanna put him in a jar

[spectralscathath]

Tour Guide to the Unexplained- A Gravity Falls Fanfiction

Chapter 2- Blue Light Fright Night

Stan and Ford didn’t expect much when getting shipped up to Gravity Falls to stay with estranged family. Not a party-hating ghost, not new friends and new enemies, and definitely not the Mystery Shack and their lying uncle who runs it. But with Ford’s smarts and Stan’s punching, there’s no mystery they can’t solve.

Ao3 Link

"I can't believe it," Ford scowled as he restocked the snowglobe shelf. Little mini Mystery Shacks mocked him as they sat beside glass-encased Waddleses. How did Grunkle Dipper even get question mark-shaped glitter for these? "Gnomes on our first day- then we don't see jack!"

"Maybe we fought the gnomes so well they told the rest of the forest to be scared of us?" Stan polished the body parts jars on the other side of the aisle. 

"I think you're giving yourself too much credit."

"Hey-" Stan kicked him in the shin. Ford kicked back without thinking, focused on trying to get all the snowglobes lined up perfectly. "Maybe we're just looking in the wrong places? It's only been three days since gnome-pocalypse."

"We're not calling it 'gnome-pocalypse'. It was only a hundred or so gnomes. An apocalypse would require at least a thousand." He was rounding down as well. 

"Fine. What are we gonna call it then?"

"Uh-" 

"So are you guys coming to the party tonight?" Carla interrupted as she came around the corner, her nametag pinned to the front of her pink shirt and a flower in her hair. 

"Party?" Ford looked at her, setting down the final snowglobe. 

"Yeah!" Carla beamed and did a little dance in place, hopping from one foot to the other. "It's at the high school gym- the local sheriff sets up one every month for all the teens and it's super fun. You should totally come and meet all my friends- it'll be awesome!"

Ford's breath caught in his throat, an indescribable mixture of wonder and excitement filling him from the tips of his toes to the top of his head. A real invitation to a real party. They'd never had one before! And here Carla was, offering an invitation like they were normal . Like it didn't matter that Ford had six fingers and Stan had the school record for detentions. 

"Yeah, we'll definitely be there!" He blurted out immediately, unwilling to let the opportunity of a lifetime slip by. "Wow, this is so exciting- Stanley, our first party!"

"Have you… never been to a party before?" Carla's face fell. 

" Pfft - of course we have," Stanley jumped in, waving a hand. "He just means in Gravity Falls, yunno. Jersey parties are really different so-"

"Oh, totally. But get ready, a Gravity Falls party is gonna knock your socks off!" Carla was all smiles again. Ford could see the reason why Grunkle Dipper had her as a cashier, she had a very upbeat demeanour that seemed popular with the tourists. The way she talked to them, able to get them smiling and laughing and telling her stories about their travels, she made it look so easy. Like talking to people was easy. Ford wondered how she did it. 

Maybe if he asked, she'd let him observe and record her interactions for science?

"Earth to Sixer-" Stanley poked him in the face and Ford spluttered, swatting at his hand. "You okay in there?"

'I'm fine!" Ford looked around and adjusted his glasses. "Where'd Carla go?"

"A tour finished so she's gone to do her charm offensive on getting them to buy junk," Stan shrugged. "Are you sure you want to go to a party?"

"Yeah!" Was that even a question? "Don't you? Why did you lie to Carla? We've never been invited anywhere before."

"Listen, Fordsy," Stanley put an arm around his shoulders. "When people invite you to do stuff you haven't done, you gotta pretend you have, or else they'll think 'wow, what kinda losers are those guys, never going to parties'. You wanna be in the in-crowd, go along with the popular decision if you don't wanna stand out."

"How do you know that?" Ford scrunched his nose. It seemed unnecessarily complicated, wouldn't honesty be the best policy in any conversation?

"Just makes sense," Stan shrugged. "Now Carla won't be thinking, 'those guys must be lame', she'll be thinking we're cool dudes back home."

"But we're not?"

"Yeah, but you shouldn't say that." Stan patted his back. "Do you really wanna go?"

"Of course! This is a chance to meet the wider population of Gravity Falls, and I bet with all the anomalies in this area, I won't even be the weirdest thing anyone's seen today!" He'd always wanted to go to a party. Like a regular kid. Maybe Gravity Falls wasn't so bad. 

"You're not weird," Stan scowled. "If any of them give you trouble I'll hit them."

"Stanley, mom said one week. You still have three more days." Ford reminded him. 

"Blegh-" Stanley stuck out his tongue. "Now we just gotta convince Grunkle Dipper to let us go."

"Why would we need to convince him? Surely he'll understand how important this is to our preteen social development."

#

"Not a chance." Dipper didn't even look up from the pasta sauce he was stirring. 

"What?!" They yelled in unison, Ford looking like all his dreams crashed and burned and Stan slamming his hands on the kitchen table. He hid a wince. Toughen up, Stan. Be a man. 

"It's a cop party, no nephews of mine are going to a cop party." 

"Grunkle Dipper, do you have something against cops?" Stan had to ask.

"I didn't agree to more questions."

So the answer was a yes. Cool. 

"But Grunkle Dipper-" Ford whined. "We've never been to a party before and we told Carla we'd be there. Please?"

"Okay, here's the thing." Dipper turned around and pointed his pasta spoon at them, pajama pants and a threadbare sweater on. It was silly. It had a puppy on it. "Grenda throws these parties once a month for all the teens in town, and because everyone's kids are there, all the townsfolk treat it as a social event. It's loud, annoying, and seriously not worth your time."

"But we could be party rocking in the house tonight." Ford said it with all the sincerity in his soul and Stan wanted to know how his nerd of a brother had found out about songs that weren't from the 1700s or whenever.

"What?" Dipper's face scrunched before he shook it off and went back to mixing pasta sauce and spaghetti. "Let me explain: I don't 'like' or 'trust' most of the people in this town, and the feeling's pretty mutual. Why don't you just have a party here? This is a house, it can- it can 'party rock'."

"Can we invite people?" Ford perked up.

"No."

"Grunkle Dipper!"

Stan hid a snort-laugh as he watched, studying Dipper more so than Ford, head tilted to make sure he didn't miss anything. There had to be a magic word of some sort to get him to agree. He didn't trust the townspeople, hey?

"If you don't like anyone here-" he cut off Ford's rant about the 'psychosocial development of twelve-year-old brains' before it really got going- "then the smartest option is to bring us into town when everyone's gonna be there." Stan shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world, playing up the casualness. 

Dipper looked at him with suspicion. "What's your game, kid?"

"That way you can point out who to avoid and who we should keep an eye on so we can recognise them. I mean, we're gonna need to go into town eventually, might as well get it over with."

"... Alright, that's not a bad point." Dipper nodded, brow furrowed. Stan gave him an absolutely angelic smile, well practiced for when mom busted out the camera for family photos, and Dipper's brows furrowed harder.

"So can we go? Carla invited us as well, it would look bad if we went back on our word. And you said you wanted us to have a good summer."

"Okay, okay, okay." Dipper groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, serving up three plates of spaghetti as he joined them at the table. "You can go, but if Sheriff Grenda asks about me, tell her I'm dead or whatever."

"Yes!" Stan punched the air. "Yes!"

"What?! How is that the conclusion of this?" Ford looked stunned, mouth hanging open.

"Your brother drives a hard bargain, kid," Dipper pointed with a plastic spork. All his cutlery was plastic and Stan thought it was weird, no metal, no forks. But  it was the durable, colourful kind used for camping. "Eat your pasta and we'll get this over with."

Stan shoveled the pasta into his mouth, enjoying the taste of victory. Whaddaya know, for once Stan got them the win. That was never gonna happen again.

#

Ford's excitement only grew as they drove into town, staring out the window and trying to see anomalies in the dark. Stan kicked the back of the empty passenger seat and tossed his head back with a groan. "Why are we listening to BABBA?" 

"Because I love this song." Grunkle Dipper turned it up a notch and sang along, badly. Ford winced at the falsetto of "Dis-co Girl! Coming through! That girl is you!"

"Get me outta here!" Stan's next kick used both feet. "If you're listening, save me, Paul Bunyan!"

"Calm down, Stanley, we're almost there!" Ford could see all the cars parked outside the high school, and a giant RV with GIDEON across the side that towered over everything else. "What's that?"

"First people in this town you need to avoid: Gideon Gleeful and his lil b-" Dipper growled, cutting himself off before continuing- "Bud Gleeful. Gideon's the worst, they're just a creepy pair. Just got back from touring America with their fake psychic act."

"Okay." A fake psychic. Just like their mom. Ford missed her, she promised she'd call every week but it didn't feel like enough. "Anyone else?"

"Preston Northwest is about your age and a piece of work?" 

"I thought you'd have more enemies." Stan grinned mischievously.

"Those are just the child ones." Dipper hooked an elbow over his seat and looked back as he reversed into a parking space, wearing one of the baseball caps from the gift shop with a pine tree logo. His denim jacket and pajama pants clashed terribly with his 'dog playing basketball' sweater. Ford hadn't seen him wear the same sweater twice, but they all looked decades old, handknitted, and far too irrational for him. Perhaps he had some ancient sweater collection?

"How many adult enemies are there?" Stan unclipped his seatbelt as the truck stopped. 

"Don't you have a party to go to?" Dipper waved a hand at them. "Have fun and don't die or something. I'll be here when you want to leave."

"Thanks, Grunkle Dipper!" They chorused and hopped out, Stan racing around to Ford's side of the truck. 

"You ready?" He took Ford's hand for a second, and Ford snatched it back, trying not to think about his hands. It was gonna be fine, this wasn't Jersey. People here would like him. 

"Race you in?" He offered instead, shoving his hands into his pockets just in case. 

"You're on." Stan grinned and took off. He might have been better at punching, but they were both pretty fast from a childhood of dodging bullies. Usually it was a tie. 

This time Ford got there first by mere seconds and paused, able to feel the thud of the music inside in his ribcage. Of course- soundwaves were physical, that only made sense. He was about to lift his hand from his pocket before hesitating. His first party. Did he want to start off with a bad impression?

Stan caught up and pushed open the door. "After you, Sixer."

Ford smiled gratefully at him, stepping in as the smell of dry ice and cheese flavouring hit him. The gym was big, all the bleachers tucked away, and while there was no disco ball, someone had set up projector lights that sent rainbow shapes and lazers everywhere. The room was surprisingly full, and Ford had a sinking feeling they arrived late. "Were we meant to be here earlier?"

"Don't worry- it's cool to arrive late, I heard." Stanley stuck by his side as they stood in the doorway. "Should we find Carla? She's the only person we know here, I think."

Ford had a thought. A bit of a mean thought. Did he want his first impression on people to be Stanley as well? Not that Stanley was bad, Ford loved his brother more than anything, but his nicknames might give people the wrong idea, and the other way around- Maybe Stan would want to meet people without having to talk for Ford as well?

"We can split up, do a sweep on each side, and meet on the other end of the gym." He felt guilty saying it, but he couldn't help being interested in what would happen if he made introductions on his own for once. It was an experiment. 

"See who spots her first so we can talk to her, good idea." Stanley nodded. "Race you there."

He took off through the crowd to the right, leaving Ford to his own business and taking the other. He didn't move as fast as Stanley, keeping his hands in his pockets as he avoided the major crowd and skirted the edges. His head swivelled like an owl's as he looked around, trying to see anyone who might be safe to talk to. 

He saw something sparking near the wall and immediately remembered the various dangers of electrical hazards, resolving to check it and report it to the nearest grown-up- oh, but if that was Sheriff Grenda, Grunkle Dipper said not to talk to her-

Ford didn't really want to do what Dipper said, but… what if he got angry at them for disobeying?

More sparks. He blinked, regaining his focus, and sped up, noticing they were tucked beside the folded bleachers, hard for people in the crowd to see, hidden by the fog of dry ice. 

There was someone there. Two someones. Ford drew closer, in time to see a blowtorch light up and be lowered to a piece of metal. 

"What are you doing?" He blurted out, the two teenagers looking at him. It was hard to make out clear details in the dark hall, but the one leaning against the wall held a plastic bag of sliced bread, and the boy on the floor had a welding visor over his face. 

"Hi there!" The boy stood and flipped his welding mask up, revealing round glasses, a thin face, a long nose, and a friendly smile. "I'm Fiddleford McGucket, local inventor."

"You're an inventor?" Ford smiled. "Me too! I mean- I'm branching out into the field, I'm currently working on a magnet gun."

"Well that sounds mathematically feasible, I reckon." Fiddleford offered a hand to shake, absolutely covered in bandages.

Ford stared at it. "Uh- won't that hurt if I touch it?"

"I've got an un-nat-ur-al-ly high tolerance to pain, doctors say," he laughed, singsonging each syllable in a playful Tennessee twang. "Don't mind the bandages, all from my thingamajig building."

Ford hesitated just a moment longer before he pulled his hand from his pocket and shook Fiddleford's hand.

"Why, that is a mighty fine case of polydactyly you got there." Fiddleford complimented. 

"Th- thanks." He stuttered, in utter shock. No one had ever actually complimented him on it before. Most people didn't even know the term. "You too- I mean- not polydactyly, just thanks?" 

"Thank you kindly, and this here's my friend, Tad."

"Hi, I'm Tad Strange." The deepness of the other boy's voice had Ford reeling. Was that natural? He looked barely older than Ford, with shiny black hair and very neat clothes. He had to be the most nondescript person Ford had ever seen. "Would you like some bread?"

"Uh- okay?" Ford took some of the offered bread. Plain white sliced, from a grocery store. Was he meant to eat this without anything on it? Well- okay, he could try. "Do you carry this everywhere?"

"Of course. It's my emergency bread."

"Oh. Cool?" It didn't seem normal, but maybe it was for Gravity Falls? His hypothesis was correct, he was an anomaly in a town of anomalies! He could fit in here! "I like your voice."

"Thank you." Tad smiled. Ford liked his diction, how deliberately he spoke, how even his voice was. It seemed so calm. "It broke when Tad Strange was seven."

"If we're talking about weird body things, I'm double-jointed?" Fiddleford offered and pulled out a pair of black goggles, a matching pair to the ones Tad had pushed up into his dark hair, hard to see. "Here, put these on, I'm working on improving Tad's phone. I reckon I can really spruce it up."

"Tad Strange would like jetpack capabilities." 

"Yeah! I'd love to help!" Ford's smile was so wide it hurt at the edges, so excited he feared he may explode. Not that it was scientifically possible. 

Was this how easy making friends could be? 

#

Stan plunged into the crowd like a superhero charged through henchmen, keeping his head cocked in case he heard Ford get in trouble. He had to be always ready for bullies, Ford could have all the hope he wanted, as long as Stanley protected him. 

He squinted through the dark, not able to see too much in the weird party lights, lots of pinks and blues and kinda dark. He didn't really like his glasses much when he had to wear them, they were nerdy and made bullies throw stuff at him. He could see most things anyway, just blurry, and as long as he could get the gist he could work with the rest. 'Sides, no point in him having glasses anymore, amount of fights he got in.

A hand grabbed his shoulder and he swung without thinking, catching air. Carla's laugh was bright and cheery. "Easy, tiger! Didn't mean to surprise you."

"Sorry." Stan mumbled. He wasn't as noble as some of the boys back home, who didn't hit girls. Seemed insulting to Stan, if they wanted to fight they should get to fight. But Carla wasn't like the girls back home, he didn't want to hit her. 

"C'mon, my friends are this way." Carla took his hand and pulled him through the crowd. Her hand was warm around his, and she didn't even hesitate. Known him four days and still took his hand. Wow, she was nice.

She pulled him to the snacks table, piled high with chips and chocolates and one very big lady in a cop uniform serving punch. Carla let go of his hand and spun around to face him, her skirt twirling as the lazers made the sequin design on it sparkle, and Stan suddenly got why Shermie used to get so weird around girls. Holy Moses.

"Stanley Pines, meet my besties!" Carla gestured at the group. One girl was spinning in place with an eye closed, two boys were having a string cheese war that looked more like flirting than fighting, the other girl was filming, and the last boy was cheering everyone on. "That's Shandra, Susan, Daryl and Edwin, and Tyler! Everyone, this is Stan!"

"Hi." Stan nodded at them, getting a nod back from the girls and Tyler. 

"And- wait, where's your brother?" Carla looked worriedly at him. "Didn't he come?"

"Course he did! Just went to scope out some of the party," Stan played it off, even as he looked around. What if Ford was already getting picked on? "He'll catch up."

"Okay, cool!" Carla looked up over the crowd and brightened. Didn't seem possible but she managed it. "There's Bud! Hold on, I'll get him." She dove into the crowd again, leaving Stan with her friends and no idea what to do.

He grabbed a random bar of candy to eat to avoid having to make conversation, shoving it all in his mouth in one go. He accidentally made eye contact with the cop and looked away too fast. That was probably suspicious. What was it Grunkle Dipper said? Don't speak English to cops?

Carla came back to the group with a wave, her hand entwined with another boy's. "Okay everyone! I need to introduce you all to my new boyfriend, Bud Gleeful!"

Stan was real dumb. Shoulda seen that coming, obviously Carla had a boyfriend. Little weird that it was one of Grunkle Dipper's enemies, but it was Stan's own fault that he got all weird just because the prettiest, nicest girl he ever met thought he was worth being kind to. No point being disappointed because he got stupid. 

"What a delight to meet you all," Bud smiled cheerfully, his brown roots visibly showing through white hair dye. Stan turned his back and started eating more candy.

The other teens offered a chorus of uninterested 'hi's, still focused on their cheese fight. Looked like Blubs was winning, if the goal was to spray as much cheese as possible in his mouth? 

Stan was starting to get why Grunkle Dipper didn't bother with the town, he was not impressed so far. Except by Carla, but she worked in the Mystery Shack so she didn't count. 

"And who might you be, lil fella?" Bud drawled from behind Stan, which had his hackles up and his fists clenched, ready for a fight. Bud was twice his size, but so was Crampelter, and Stan had won that last fight. He wasn't weak and useless anymore, he wasn't the wimp that cried after just one hit, not now that he could fight.

He turned around, feet shifting into the stance from his boxing lessons as he looked up at the bigger teenager. "I'm Stan. Who wants to know?"

"Why, just 'lil ol me'-" he spoke it like a quote- "it's merely just- well, small towns, I tend to know near-everyone. But I don't recall seeing you here before."

"He and his twin are Dipper's nephews and they're in town for the summer," Carla smiled, clinging to Bud's arm. "They're here all the way from New Jersey, how cool is that?"

The other teens looked a bit more interested hearing that, looking at him like he was an oddity, something to gawk at. Was this how Ford felt? All the time? 

"Yeah, what about it?" 

"That's quite a distance," Bud whistled. "Would I be right in assuming you're staying in that old shack in the woods?"

"Where else would I stay, smart guy?" Stan mouthed off, focus narrowing to who else might be coming in for a sneak attack. Crampelter had friends, maybe Bud did too. "My Grunkle lives there."

"Yes, a so-called man of mystery," Bud clicked his tongue. "He's quite a shameless fraud, wouldn't you agree?"

"Coming from someone who's dad is a fake psychic?" Stan aimed for what would hurt, because it hurt when he thought about it. "What a liar, bet you can't trust anything he says."

Everyone gasped. But they didn't know. He loved his mom so much, so much , but she lied so much, just because, even when there was no reason. She didn't mean any harm, but… 

"Hey now, that's not true!" Bud snapped, getting angry, and Stan regretted saying anything when he saw the look on Carla's face. She looked at him like he said something bad. He did say something bad. He was a bad kid, everyone knew it. 

What was he doing? He was ruining the party, he was making everyone upset, and Ford wasn't here, Stan needed him and he wasn't here, and why did he instantly make it a fight? Because Dipper said not to trust someone?  What was wrong with him?!

He had to get out of here. He pulled a smoke bomb from his pocket and hoped and prayed he got it right- got something right- and threw it at the ground. 

It shattered with a flash and a POP! and sent up a cloud of smoke and sparkles that had everyone coughing, and Stan bolted. 

He ran, sticking to the walls and the shadows, passing a supply closet as he looked for Ford. Where was his brother? 

He was rounding the bleachers when he heard Ford laughing. At what? He slowed his steps, peeking around the corner to see Ford holding a blowtorch and soldering something, laughing and talking with two other boys. He looked like he was having a great time. Without Stanley.

Stan felt the bottom drop out of his stomach, fists clenched tight and shaking with that energy he got in fights. Ford had some sciency name for it that Stan couldn't remember right now. 

Ford was fine. He found people who liked him. Just like he wanted. Stan was tempted to go over there and say hi- but if Ford wanted that wouldn't he have come and got Stanley? Ford always wanted to show off cool things he found, he dragged Stanley all over Glass Shard Beach, so this must mean Ford didn't want to show off his new friends. 

Stanley could take a hint. Heck- Ford would probably be better off with friends who were smart like him. Stan just caused trouble, everyone knew it. 

He backed away, genuinely considering sneaking out to go sit with Grunkle Dipper. Even if that meant listening to girly pop music. 

Actually-

Nah. Still not desperate enough for that. He still wasn't sure if Grunkle Dipper even wanted them around, Shermie had been the one to push for the trip. Even brought the bus tickets. 

Everyone else kept making decisions and Stan kept having to deal with them. He scowled and found the supply closet again, because at least Carla and Bud wouldn't find him in here if they wanted to get mad at him for causing problems. 

He closed the door behind him and shoved over the nearest thing, sending janitor supplies clattering to the ground as he yelled, just to get the energy out. "I never even wanted to come here! Ford did, not me!" 

He turned and punched the drywall. "I hate stupid parties!"

The drywall cracked. Cracked more. Fell away to reveal a big boxy safe hidden behind the plaster, rusted and covered in dust and cobwebs. Stan had a suddenly cold feeling, a looming sense that he'd done something very stupid. 

A girl's voice whispered in his ear.

"Me too."

#

The screaming started as Dipper chewed a pen, brainstorming new attractions for the track. He caught the smell of ectoplasm in the air, able to recognise it instantly, and shoved open the door to his truck, sprinting towards the gym as a pale glow began to surround the building. 

He could hear the panic of the townsfolk,  his focus set on the door as he raced the ghostly energy, trying to get in before it cut off the gym from the outside world. The boys were still in there.

"No, no, no, no-!" The ectoplasm covered the door right as he reached it, the handle chilling his fingers as he failed to yank it open. He kept trying to jiggle it open before he switched to banging his fists against the glass. "Kids!"

"My lil Buddy-boy!" He heard from behind him, Gideon Gleeful running in his bedazzled suit, his white pompadour bouncing with each step of his wingtip shoes.  Dipper ignored him and braced his shoulder against the door, trying to shove it open. Now wasn't the time to start fighting his nemesis. Maybe? He could multitask.

"Hold on, son!" Gideon panicked before turning to the crowd, hand on his bolo tie. "Everyone, please! I need you all to step back and let me use my psychic abilities! Step back, everyone!"

Dipper felt himself step back before he could snap at Gideon to back off, watching Gideon raise his hand to the building.

"Spirit! I compel thee! Release our children and be banished from this place!" Gideon's voice boomed out bombastically, bringing his TV psychic bravado to the real world.

Nothing happened.

Obviously.

"Oh no! Something's blocking my powers! My innate abilities! That I definitely have!"

"Yeah, yeah," Dipper snarled and pulled a glove from his pocket, yanking it on as he stomped to the door. "Hey, ghost! Open up!" 

He drew back his fist and punched the door, the ectoplasmic coating jiggling like jello before it started to wobble faster, energy building up. Bad sign.

Dipper had enough time to swear for real before the ghost blasted him away from the building and into darkness.

#

One minute Ford was helping solder an ignition wire, the next the walls were glowing and tables and chairs were floating in the air. Snacks were flying, aimed at people's heads as screams filled the air, and Tad had to struggle to hold onto his bread as it threatened to fly away too. 

"What's happening?" Fiddleford clutched his hands together, rubbing at his spindly fingers. The rest of the party were freaking out, some rushing the doors, others trying to hide, some freezing in fear. 

Ford? Ford felt alive . This was it, the weirdness he knew was here. 

"Hold on, I may have an answer-" but the diary was so uncool-looking, what if his new friends didn't want to be his friends because of it? 

"Ford!" That was Stanley! "Ford, Ford, Ford!"

"Over here!" He responded without hesitation, because that was his brother calling and Ford would always answer. 

Stan rounded the bleachers and skidded to a stop, worn sneakers nearly losing traction on the smooth gym floors. His eyes were wide and he almost looked scared. Couldn't be true though, Ford had documented Stan's phobias and fear responses. Paranormal activity wasn't meant to register. "It's bad! It's really bad!"

"Wait-" Ford adjusted his glasses. "Stanley, did you do this?"

"I didn't plan on it, Sixer!" Stan flipped a switch into anger, shoulders hunched defensively. "I think it's a girl! I heard a voice!"

"A voice? So not only is this clearly paranormal activity of some form, but it's aware enough to manifest vocals and self-identify? Fascinating!"

"Uh, Ford? Who's this?" Fiddleford tapped him on the shoulder.

"Oh!" He'd completely forgotten they were there, so caught up in the supernatural. "Fiddleford, Tad, this is my twin brother, Stanley. Stanley, these are my friends, Fiddleford and Tad."

"Hi. I'm Tad Strange. I like bread."

"Yeah, great to meetcha, the nerd book , Ford, what does it say ?" Stan made a swipe for Ford's jacket, where he knew the book was. 

Ford backed up. "I don't- I haven't looked yet!"

"Why not?!"

"Because-" laughter, vicious and dark, rang out around the room, and Stan whirled, hand out like he was protecting Ford and his friends. Ford stared as Carla lifted into the centre of the room, her eyes glowing white from within and her arms outstretched.

She spoke with a voice that wasn't hers. "Sixty years I've watched you all party! Now tonight will be your last!"

"Hey!" Sheriff Grenda stomped forward and pointed at her. "You're under arrest for possession! Get outta that teenager!"

"Adults," the ghost scoffed, crossing Carla's arms. "You threw this party? Then I'll throw you!"

Carla pointed as Grenda was enveloped in pale light before she seemed to- rip apart? But it looked wet? But there was also no blood or anything, her matter was just rearranged? That was so cool! Oh- and bad too, right.

"Sheriff!" 

"Where did she go?"

"It turned her into a disco ball!"

It had. Ford had never seen a disco ball with a face before. He wanted to take so many notes.

"Back behind the bleachers, c'mon!" Fiddleford dragged both the twins to the corner he and Tad were hiding in, sitting them down as they hid in the shadows. It wasn't much of a hiding spot, but the panicking crowd likely drew more attention. 

"Poindexter!" Stanley grabbed his shoulders and shook him. "You gotta focus! How do we stop this?"

"Okay." He pulled out the diary and started flipping through, face burning. He hoped Fiddleford and Tad didn't laugh at the sparkliness of it. "Ghosts, ghosts, I know I saw something- here!"

He cleared his throat and began reading the sticker-covered page, googly eyes pasted onto a drawing of a happy ghost.

"Dear diary,

I fought a ghost today! It was crazy! He was really cute, definitely dreamy, but he was also a major meanie who wanted to destroy town, so dateability: questionable. 

Good thing I saw some of her ghost hunting tapes, otherwise I wouldn't have kicked ghostly butt! I bet this one would have counted as a Category 5, so kind of a ghost wimp. Lemme list the categories before I forget! Womp womp!"

Ford scanned through the categories before he found it. "This must be it! 'Category 8: Haunted Buildings- these ghosts are stuck in one place and make reality go all whoa! But they can't actually hurt people permanently and you can totally work things out with them by talking about their feelings, awwwwww' and then there's a heart drawn in? And people hugging?"

"We're all gonna die," Stan decided. 

"Stan, you have to tell me how this happened. Maybe there's a clue there."

"I just hit a wall." Stan shrugged, looking away. "Same as always."

"Perhaps we should ask the ghost what it wants?" Tad offered as a solution, looking abnormally calm while Fiddleford was having a silent freak out next to him, rocking back and forth and carding his hands through his hair. Ford felt a bit bad to see him so nervous, he must not have encountered an anomaly before. 

"I think it's pretty easy to tell what the ghost wants, Strange." Stan snarked.

"I WILL DESTROY ALL THE PARTY SPIRIT THAT HAS EVER EXISTED!"

"Yeah, that bit's obvious," Ford agreed. "It says that Category 8s aren't unreasonable, so maybe we can convince it to leave everyone alone?"

"We have to get it out of Carla," Stan agreed and took Ford's hand. Ford blinked at him in surprise. Stan must have really been scared, they hadn't held hands in a while. His fingers were trembling. 

Ford didn't let go this time. Not if Stanley needed it. He squeezed his twin's hand and pulled them both out of hiding, the room nearly empty from everyone being turned into party favours and posters and stuff. Carla's body floated, items swirling around her like a tornado, her flower missing from her hair. 

"Hey, ghost!" Ford yelled as he and Stan stepped up. "We wanna talk!"

"Oh?" Carla's body raised a hand and they were both floating. Ford felt Stanley's hand go tight in a death grip, hard enough to hurt. His fear of heights, Ford had to do something. The ghost continued, making Carla's face angry in a way that didn't look right. "What do you possibly have to say? Here to defend parties like everyone else?"

"I- we wanted to ask why you're unhappy!" Ford blurted out. "We want to try fix it!"

"How can you fix it? You were invited to this party like everyone else, I bet you've been to lots of them, everyone has! Everyone but me!"

"No we haven't!" Ford tried to convince her. "Tell her, Stanley!"

"I-" Stan's eyes were scrunched shut, face pale and sweaty. "We haven't! Look at us, we're losers! Who'd invite us anywhere?!"

Everything in the gym stopped spinning. Then it all crashed to the ground, Stan and Ford included. Stan immediately dropped to his knees and pressed his face to the floor, while Ford landed a little steadier. He placed a hand on Stanley's back and looked up at Carla, or, more accurately, at the ghost that had appeared, holding Carla up by the shoulders.

She looked like a normal teenager in retro clothes, just with thick glasses like Ford. 

"You're losers like me? But you don't look like it!"

Ford held up his hand and wiggled his six fingers. "I'm definitely a loser. And my brother…"  they both looked at Stanley, currently muttering 'sweet Moses, I love you ground'. 

"But if you're losers, then why are you at a party?" She scowled and adjusted her glasses. "Especially when one of you hates them."

"Huh?" Ford looked at Stanley, feeling betrayed. Stanley didn't like parties? But he was the one who convinced Grunkle Dipper, and said they'd been to lots to Carla, and-

And, Ford suddenly remembered, dodged the question about wanting to go in the first place.

"Stanley?"

Stanley looked away and swiped his nose with his wrist brace. "Whatever. So what if I do?" He pointed at the ghost. "Why do you hate them?"

The ghost gave a very big sigh and Ford braced for backstory. "No one in this town ever invited me to anything."

"Even all of the parties that were meant for everyone, I would get an anti-invitation. An unvitation ." The ghost floated just above the ground, looking sad.  "So one day, I decided that I would ignore my unvitation and go to a party meant for everyone."

She tilted her head. "Unfortunately, that party was to celebrate Gravity Falls' Annual Heavy Object Tossing Competition, and a safe landed right on me."

"That can not be a real thing-"

"It's real!" Sheriff Grenda, in disco ball form, yelled out. "I've won it eight years in a row!"

"Okay…?" Ford shook his head, resolving to ignore that. "So you've been here ever since?"

"Yes. I've watched people party for sixty years here!" The ghost began to turn red and catch fire. "And still! No invitations!"

"What if we invited you?" Ford offered.

"Or Carla!" Stan blurted out. "Carla over there, you just possessed her. She's super nice and will invite anyone. She invited us, for cryin' out loud."

"Oh. Okay." The ghost floated over to Carla, sitting on the floor staring blankly into the middle distance, hugging her knees to her chest. "Hi Carla! Can I come to this party?"

"Uh…" Carla looked over at them, frazzled and ruffled. Ford nodded as hard as he could while Stan gave her very emphatic thumbs up. Carla looked back to the ghost. "Sure...?"

"Great!" The ghost snapped her fingers and everything went right back to normal. People turned back into people, Grenda was no longer a disco ball, and the music started up again. "I've always wanted to go to a party! Whoo-hoo!"

"Can I ask you a million questions about being a ghost?!" Ford asked now that the danger was gone, pulling out a spare notepad and pencil, not noticing Stan walk off.

#

Stan picked up Carla's plastic flower and held it out to her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure?" Carla accepted the flower, putting it in her hair. "I think my whole worldview just changed."

"Yep." Stan hesitated, fidgeting with his wrist brace. "I'm sorry I said mean things to Bud."

"Oh. Well- thanks, but I think you need to apologise to him, okay?" Carla smiled at him and stood up, brushing off her skirt.

Stan nodded and scuffed his shoe against the floor. "I will."

"Thanks. You're a good kid, Stan." She patted his shoulder. "And for the record: I don't think you're a loser, you or your brother. Jersey doesn't know what they got."

"Kay." Stan agreed because how was he meant to argue that? Not when Carla was smiling at him like she believed it, like she wasn't so cool. "Thanks, Carla."

"Carla!" Bud shoved through the crowd, flowery shirt looking a bit rumpled. "Are you alright, dearest-darlingest?"

"I'm fine, really!" Carla beamed, taking Bud's hands. "Stan and Ford saved me."

"I can see that." Bud shot Stan a filthy look. 

"Hey, Bud." Stan shoved his hands into his pockets, having to drag the words out of himself. He didn't like apologising much. Usually it didn't help things. 

"Can I help you, Stanley?" He made it sound utterly frigid. 

"Sorry for what I said about your dad and stuff. It was mean." Stan looked away, looking at Ford, who was introducing the ghost to Strange and McGucket. At least he was having fun. 

"I… suppose I'm also sorry about what I said about your great uncle. It was uncalled for." Bud tugged at the collar of his shirt. "Perhaps we should call a truce?"

"Sure. Truce." Stan stuck out his hand, too late realising it was his braced hand. 

Bud took it, squeezing way too hard and making the bones hurt. Stan didn't flinch and dug his nails in as an answer. 'Truce'. Sure. When Carla was around, at least.

"Yay!" Carla did a happy dance. "The power of friendship wins again!"

They both put on a smile for her, immediately shooting daggers at the other the moment she wasn't looking. Looked like they'd be hating each other in secret. Stan could live with that.

"I'm gonna go check on my brother." Stan yanked his hand back and walked off, already sick of Bud Gleeful. He was joining his Grunkle's rivalry on the side of his Grunkle. 

#

They found their Grunkle Dipper snoring in the back of his pick-up truck, having one of those old people naps he usually had in his armchair. Ford poked his face with a pencil, not expecting him to bolt upright and immediately fall out of the truck with a surprisingly girly scream.

"Augh! Dipper down! Dipper down!"

"Grunkle Dipper, we met a ghost!" Surely he saw the building glow, right? He'd believe Ford now!

"Huh?" Dipper rubbed his head, accidentally showing off the birthmark on his forehead of the Big Dipper constellation. He picked up his cap and set it down, blinking blearily up at Stan and Ford. "You what a what?"

"Met a ghost. Fought her, invited her to a party, whole shebang," Stan yawned. "Can we go home now?"

"I made friends!" Ford already had so many plans. "Can they come over for a sleepover tomorrow? They already called their parents and asked!"

"Sure and sure?" Dipper dusted off his pajamas, surprisingly dirty for a nap in his truck, and Ford noticed something.

"What's that glove?"

"Glove?" Dipper looked down before he noticed the blue glove on his right hand. He made a weird face before he pulled it off. "Uh, it's a- a compression glove? Yep! That thing! For my old man arthritis. Flares up sometimes. 'Cause I'm old."

"Aren't you fifty-seven?"

"I'm whatever age a senior's discount at the movies is," Dipper snarked, and Ford scowled. That felt sorta illegal. Definitely unethical.

"I like your moxie, Grunkle Dip," Stan complimented as he clambered out of the back of the truck. "So did you see any of that?"

"Any of what? I've been sleeping." Dipper blinked innocently.

"Oh, come on!" Now Ford really had to find proof of the supernatural. Time to build a gnome trap.

He reached for Stanley's hand again, resolving to talk to him later about stuff. Stanley squeezed his hand back, smiling at him before he yawned again. 

Ford yawned in response. Okay. Tomorrow. They'd talk tomorrow. Stanley shouldn't have to feel like he needed to hide things, not from his brother. 

Mystery twins forever, after all.

[m-feys]

accidentally got myself fixated on resident evil... :V

[chaotic-neutral-ferret]

my angy purple boy <3

[astonmartinii]

reluctant cupid | lando norris social media au

pairing: lando norris x fem bff!reader

you could set your bestie up with a driver or you could confess your feelings? lando norris is dumb.

based on this request: Could you write something about being best friends with lando and he tries to help set you up with another driver you have a crush on, but then he realises he actually likes you so he has to sabotage all the wingmanning he’s done and you end up together Idk if that makes sense 😭🫶🏼🫶🏼 -@mbappesleftthigh

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 49,340 others

yourusername: someone please save me from the grips of hinge and this oh so lonesome life

view all comments

user1: girl knows the whole f1 paddock and looks like that and is still alone there is NO HOPE for me

user2: this post might have thrown me over the edge

landonorris: "i'm so lonely" "why don't you approach that guy" "no too scary"

user3: that's so real though

yourusername: thank you!

landonorris: how do you expect to find a boyfriend when you don't like to talk to anyone and treat hinge like a gameshow

yourusername: i didn't come here for actual advice let me commiserate in peace. god, can women have anything these days?

landonorris: ???

yourusername: oh! idea! pretty please set me up with one of your friends? they have to be great otherwise you wouldn't be friends with them, right? RIGHT?

landonorris: i guess...

yourusername: please lando, i've never asked for anything before

landonorris: i can feel you pouting through the phone

yourusername: so you'll consider ?

landonorris: fine...

user4: bro either gotta admit his feelings now or be condemned to be in the plot of a weird romantic comedy

user5: i personally don't think i can wait until the third act break up with this side character LANDO ACT NOW

oscarpiastri: you'd really trust lando's judgement?

yourusername: he's friends with me, he's got good taste?

oscarpiastri: touche

maxverstappen1: whatever you really wanna say oscar, you gotta keep it in, these idiots will figure it out eventually

yourusername: ???

landonorris: ???

user6: the grid are so done with their asses i can't 😭

user7: but what if the universe doesn't intervene and lando really has just lost the girl forever?

user8: bestie we can't be thinking like this

landonorris

liked by carlossainz55, yourusername and 812,047 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: being back home means being bothered by her (and whatever is her newest hyperfixation - it's sylvanian families this month if you couldn't tell)

view all comments

user9: i am so sorry but they are so in love

user10: it's cute in the movies, but these blind bitches are starting to piss me off

yourusername: THEY CAN HEAR YOU, BE A BETTER DAD

landonorris: they're not my children

yourusername: you take that back right now, you LOVE them

landonorris: you spent my money on them yes

yourusername: that's fatherhood, buddy. buckle up

user11: whoever he sets her up (if he's still dumb enough to do that) is gonna be the biggest third wheel in history

user12: who would willingly sign up for that

user13: me. i would. i have two working eyes and have seen y/n

maxverstappen1: who are these funky little critters and how can i procure some for p?

yourusername: finally a man with sense, literally any grocery store or toy store

maxverstappen1: perf

yourusername: if lando stops being mr. grumpy i'll ask him if i can come to a race and p and i can play animal families

landonorris: i am NOT mr. grumpy

maxverstappen1: you kinda are dude. is it the set-up is it stressing you out?

landonorris: nO

yourusername: then why are you putting it off !!! lando i might die from terminal yearning !!!

landonorris: i have an interested candidate

yourusername: really? do you think they'll actually like me? like this isn't a pity date right?

landonorris: nope!

user14: lando is typing through tears as we speak

user15: if y/n does go on a date with someone from the paddock i actually hope it goes well, as one lonely girl to another, it's tough out here we need one win

f1wagupdates

liked by user18, user19 and 11,043 others

tagged: yourusername & carlossainz55

f1wagupdates: turns out lando is a bit of a cupid as his childhood friend y/n y/ln was spotted out and about with carlos sainz.

view all comments

user20: HE ACTUALLY DID IT

user21: that moment when you're so down bad for a girl that you set her up with your best friend

user22: that moment when you're such a wimp you can't admit your feelings and set up the girl you like with a literal GREEK GOD

user23: i am so bamboozled by this move he literally looked like a kicked puppy on his stream bro this is your doing 😭

user24: she's a lover girl she's going to get her heart broken :(

user25: this has mess written all over it

user26: she's literally described herself as a terminal yearner i feel like she'll throw herself in and will get hurt

user27: UNLESS! this is all part of the plan? what if lando set her up with a messy guy like carlos so he can be the shoulder to cry on and that's how he slides in?

user28: that's very convoluted, very rom-com but i'll take it if it means we get lando and y/n together in the end

user29: i know this probably won't last long but can we all appreciate how hot this couple is?

user30: lando and y/n runs rings round y/n and carlos

user31: lol lando is a bad friend for setting her up with CARLOS him and charles are THEE red flags

user32: i hope y/n is prepared

user33: also lando hasn't thought it fully out if his plan is to be the shoulder to cry on because he's just opening her up to be called a homie hopper or a paddock bunny

carlossainz55

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly and 702,554 others

carlossainz55: productive weekend with my girl

view all comments

user34: well that's not y/n

user35: that finished faster than i expected

user36: lando DO NOT quit your day job

landonorris: call me bro

carlossainz55: si, cabron

user37: i don't think they'll be cabrons after this call

user38: maybe this is all just going to plan?

user39: yall gotta give up this conspiracy theory maybe these people are just as dumb and mean as they seem to be

user40: soooooo... what did we all do this weeekend?

user41: i broke a girl's heart @carlossainz55 twins 👯‍♂️

user42: AHHHH???

maxverstappen1: oh that's not-

yourusername: you're so chronically online :(

maxverstappen1: you're alive?

yourusername: yes. coming at you live from the bed i'm currently rotting in

maxverstappen1: not going to say i didn't warn you?

carlossainz55: really? in my own comment section?

yourusername: one second, we're having a conversation here

maxverstappen1: yeah carlos, gosh.

carlossainz55: i'm so confused

user43: okay power move to just start a conversation in his comments?

user44: the power of confusion is simply unmatched

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 56,309 others

yourusername: certified boy hater

view all comments

user45: a ferrari boy will do that to you

landonorris: feeling hashtag victimised rn

yourusername: obviously doesn't include you girlypop. but you seriously need to reevaluate your judgement

landonorris: carlos is attractive?

yourusername: he ghosted me?

carlossainz55: i am right here

yourusername: blocked.

landonorris: did you actually just block him?

yourusername: yes 😀 !

landonorris: god this is a nightmare

yourusername: not if you'd take a GOD DAMN HINT

landonorris: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

user46: yall this is a public instagram comment section

user47: don't say that, this is their argument in the rain moment

user48: lemme grab the popcorn 🍿

maxverstappen1: this better not include the real number one girlypop here

yourusername: of course not pookie

oscarpiastri: you gonna continue the lil spat above this?

yourusername: no?

oscarpiastri: well some people (max and i) would like to listen so please continue

yourusername: no, i don't think i will

oscarpiastri: GOD YOU PEOPLE ARE INSUFFERABLE

maxverstappen1: what oscar said

user49: oscar and max are so real

user50: they can't leave us on this cliff hanger

landonorris

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,043,788 others

landonorris: some snaps from '23

view all comments

user51: have we just been thirst trapped?

user52: i don't think it was intended for us

user53: this has "i am hotter than carlos sainz" written all over it

yourusername: posting tits on main, brave.

landonorris: i came second in singapore.

yourusername: sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. modesty, ever heard of it lan?

landonorris: slutshaming isn't cute y/n

yourusername: you kinda have to pull to be a slut lan. you are under qualified for the position

landonorris: if you keep being mean to me i will call your mum or my mum.

yourusername: try it. i see cisca more than you, i have faith in her

landonorris: the line is busy. are you on the phone to MY mum right now?

yourusername: maybe.

user54: we're so close to them getting their heads out of their asses

user55: don't get my hopes up

danielricciardo: i hope this works lol

landonorris: you don't think i'm sexy?

danielricciardo: it doesn't matter what i think

landonorris: i'm not sexy :(

danielricciardo: you're baiting me but yes, you are sexy.

user56: i'll fight anyone who made this man believe he's not beautiful

liked by yourusername

user57: I SAW THAT 📸

user58: someone just lock them in a cupboard at this point

oscarpiastri: noted.

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 89,034 others

tagged: landonorris

yourusername: yeah, yeah. you can stop yelling at us now.

view all comments

user61: LET'S FUCKING GO

user62: it was worth all that yelling. i expect an invite to the wedding now.

user63: wedding? girly they only just realised their feelings after a DECADE

maxverstappen1: it was about fucking time

yourusername: okay miss ma'am. some people are EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE AND NOT VERY GOOD AT PROCESSING THEM

maxverstappen1: you must've been emotionally constipated because this was painful

yourusername: it was painful for me too

maxverstappen1: so painful that you dated CARLOS

yourusername: one date! ONE!

maxverstappen1: carlos said can you unblock him so he can be mean to me?

yourusername: fine.

carlossainz55: STOP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A BAD PERSON. YES I AM NOT THE BEST AT RELATIONSHIPS BUT LEAVE ME BE

maxverstappen1: lol

yourusername: lol

user64: unblocking carlos to hit him with the lol max and y/n might be more iconic than lando and y/n

landonorris: not on our relationship announcement post 🤨

user65: OOP.

landonorris: i love you doofus

yourusername: i love you too muppet

landonorris: how much was the betting pool for your family?

yourusername: it got to over £300

landonorris: ours was £750

yourusername: are we dumb?

landonorris: no!

oscarpiastri: two dumbass girls saying 'yass' to each other

yourusername: LEAVE US BE

landonorris: oscar :(

user66: not their own families betting on when they'd get together 😭

landonorris

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 1,430,778 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: first win, hopefully not my only one.

view all comments

user67: MY BABIES

user68: i feel like i've been on this journey with them

oscarpiastri: thank god you guys got your shit together, i was THIS close to jumping out the nearest window if i had to watch lando mope around like a kicked puppy when y/n had the lil thing with carlos

user69: so it wasn't some grand plan?

oscarpiastri: no he's just dumb enough to actually set up his first love with his best friend

landonorris: OSCAR!

oscarpiastri: am i wrong?

landonorris: no... but! i got there in the end

oscarpiastri: good thing you're faster on track

user70: the grid being just as done with them as us is killing me

maxfewtrell: finally this unnecessarily long and overly convoluted saga has come to and end, lets never do this again!

landonorris: i'm locked in for life bro no worries

yourusername: awwwwwwwwwwwwww i love you too bubs

maxfewtrell: stop being sappy under my comment

yourusername: you just complained we didn't sort out our shit fast enough and now we're too sappy?

landonorris: STICK TO A STORY BOZO

maxfewtrell: now you're even more ride or die... can we go back?

yourusername: nope!

landonorris: nope!

maxverstappen1: i for one am very happy for you both

yourusername: thank you max !!

landonorris: not so fast, he had the biggest bet on us in the paddock

yourusername: get that bag sis

landonorris: ???

yourusername: we can't fight it anymore, let them have their jokes, we actually have each other now :)

landonorris: yes we do :) xx

user71: golly gosh this is so fucking cute

fin.

note: i hope this is what you were looking for and that you all enjoyed!! i'm just waiting on my tester sticker sheets for my small business @badlydrawnf1cats on here and on instagram, if you wanna give it a follow x tHANK YOU FOR READING MY LOVES X

[potheadkiki]

HII... hear me out. Pool sex with katsuki..??

I know you want pool sex but honestly sex in one of those hot springs sounds so much better

⚠Warning⚠

18+ content

Bakugo being a simp but refusing to admit it

Pet names (princess, angel, babe, etc)

Some slut shaming but it's fine

Chubby reader

Bakugo is 6'4

Reader is goth

Marijuana

Reader has the ability to sonic scream similar to black Canary

Side note I am taking more requests if anyone is interested

After UA everyone is class 1-a kept in close contact. Coincidentally both you and Bakugo are in neighboring agencies and see each other quite often at mixers and group parties. One day both agencies claimed that after the most recent villain attack that everyone needed to take a break so each company decided that every hero draw a number and the two heroes that drew the same number would leave for a week to go to an all expenses paid spa with traditional rooms and a private hot spring bath. Today was no different, everyone is lined up and as one of the assistants comes along with a jar everyone grabs a piece of paper, today's number was 78, unfolding your little piece your heart stops, 78 in bold is staring back at you, stepping forward claiming the first spot wondering who you'll be going to the resort with. The agency is on FaceTime and you watch as Bakugo steps forward on the screen holding the same number as you and you feel as your stomach flips your going to be alone with him for a week, he'll be in one of those kimonos and as you imagine it your face heats up. You've been in love with this guy ever since your days at UA he'd never see you that way of course you may be smart and have a sonic scream but you're also a slacker pot head from the US. You hear as everyone cheers for you and congratulates you on being able to take the week off with Bakugo no less. Finishing up the rest of your shift trying to ignore all the comments everyone is making some rude or snarky, your friends however made encouraging remarks and how this could be your chance to seduce him. As your day comes to an end your phone vibrates looking at it your heart races

Bakugo: Guess you're gonna be in my space for a week huh?

Reading the message you laugh he hasn't changed really

You:Yeah I guess so huh you'll just have to forgive me

You reply attempting to be a little flirty but also keep the same energy

Bakugo: I'll find some way you can make it up to me don't worry

Reading that your heart is basically in your asshole I mean how are you supposed to respond to that. You're going to be alone with him and now the entire time this will be all you can fucking think about.

You: yeah you do that lol

You reply trying to defuse the situation and not think about having the best sex life could possibly give you

Bakugo: oh don't doubt me I will

You have no idea what to say simply telling him that you'll see him in the morning and to sleep well.

--next day

You make your way to the agencies where they have a company car that they'll give you unfortunately you don't have your license so that means Bakugo will have to drive he just scoffs at that but you smile

Putting your things in the trunk you're kinda nervous honestly the only bathing suit you have is a bikini with mushrooms that is kinda low cut. Grabbing the special blanket with dragons on it that you've had since high school and need with to sleep successfully, slipping in the passenger seat getting comfy. Bakugo seeing this and scoffing again before saying

"Look at you fucking passenger princess ass" you blush at that he wasn't being mean or rude

"It's a three hour drive bakugo I wanna be comfy"you say shyly holding your blanket close to your chest

"Yeah yeah whatever get comfy then princess it's gonna be a long drive" he says placing the car in reverse putting his hand on the back of your seat watching as he turns his head to see where he's going before pulling out of the parking spot once he's out he puts the car in drive and your face goes red not only did he just call you princess but he did that thing when driving too not realizing the smirk on his face as he pulls on the highway the smirk of victory.

Bakugo has been thinking about this since yesterday morning he's going to get a week with you alone completely. He's basically been in love with you ever since you transferred to the hero course here in Japan. You're smart, kind, beautiful, and you rarely care what others think of you and he loves that. He's aware you smoke it helps with your quirk apparently. He has discovered that he has quite a thing for watching you smoke. The way you purse your lips and inhale, the way you lick your lips when dry, the way the smoke escapes past your lips. Fuck he needs to focus on driving he can't be hard right now. Taking a quick glance towards you he sees you cuddle up with said blanket, only one earbud in with something playing on your phone, you however seem interested. He doesn't want that. He wants to talk to you, he wants to be at the center of your attention. He knows its toxic and crazy since he himself needs to focus on driving but that doesn't mean they can't talk. Right?

"Put your phone down and talk to me. If I fall asleep at the wheel it's your damn fault." He says glancing in your direction.

"If this is your way of asking for me to start a conversation with you then I definitely feel like you could have done that differently but okay" you say huffing out a laugh before continuing the conversation

"What's the first thing you want to do when you get? I know personally I want to soak in that gorgeous hot spring maybe smoke a little joint, if its okay with you of course." He watches you say that with a cheeky smile. Maybe he'll join you this week is after all supposed to be relaxing and that does sound quite nice.

"what a dumb question of course imma see if they have a gym" you rolling your eyes thinking naturally

"Then find some to eat maybe and maybe in between everything I'll join you if I feel like it of course." He says side eyeing you with a slight smile only to catch that you're sporting a similar cheeky smile with pink cheeks. And that's how it went for the next three hours idle chit chat and stupid questions mostly. So when he pulls up to this large log house that has steaming chimney your pupils basically turn into hearts. It's gorgeous the way the sun hits against the large mountains and shines through the trees god you never want to leave and you haven't even stepped into the building.

Once you've both registered with secretary and got your room key (turns out its one of those two in one rooms with a single bamboo room divider) but bakugo opted for just opening the divider doors claiming they'res just more space this way they would have had to share the hot spring anyways since it's a connected room and all. Most of the time they were assigned to people with relativity large families or two pro heroes on vacation. He watches in amusement as your eyes light up again before turning back around and clapping your hands together exclaiming 'right' turning your head to face him giving a soft smile

"I'm about to pack a cone and change into my bikini would you like to join me for a soak and smoke if will" He rolls his eyes at that god you can be so corny sometimes but he listens as you go on

"Then we could find some place to eat or order in either or I don't care"

"yea whatever just let me know when you're done I'm not gonna sit around in my damn trunk" He says with a slight blush thinking of the two of you together alone in a steamy bath while you wear a bikini, fuck he feels like a teenager again and he hates it. He manages to busy himself which in hindsight could have been a mistake because when he hears you clear your throat, whipping his head around he's faced with you in a mushroom styled bikini top that hugs your tits perfectly, realizing just how big they are considering you usually wear large/baggie t-shirts, and a simple pair of black bottoms that hug your ass perfectly, letting a groan slip past his lips as he stands up quickly

"Jesus woman you scared the shit out of me, just wait for me outside I'll be out there in like 10 minutes" he says not making eye contact with you as he walks away. You step outside washing yourself off before heading over and sitting at the edge with your feet dangling into the water, gently moving your feet back and and forth in a swishing motion making sure no water actually splashes up at you, not yet at least, lighting a joint with wet hands is a real bitch, your thoughts only really stopping when you hear the pitter patter of bakugos bare feet against the smooth rock turning your head you give him a smile

"Hey I waited for you before smoking I wasn't sure if you wanted to or not but if you did we could share" You say with that stupid smile while holding up said joint and an ORAGNE lighter he doesn't know why but it makes his heart jump at the thought that maybe you bought it thinking of him little does he know how right he actually is.

"Okay jesus let me rinse off first before you start rushing me" Rolling your eyes at this but giving a slight okay anyways. You can't help as your eyes follow his every movement watching as his back muscles flex and constrict due to his movements. Blush enveloping your face and a little of your neck god your going to be spending a week here with this man. Bakugo being a little tipsy as he took some shots of Soju to help calm his nerves but its doing the exact opposite maybe smoking will help he thinks when he smells it, the potent stench of marijuana. Turning his head he watches as you stand up water splashing as you walk towards him with the joint between your lips gently sucking and exhaling the smoke, he watches as your hips sway walking towards him, getting close to his face pushing said joint up against his lips as a silent plea to open his mouth and when he does you get a full whiff of alcohol and you take a step back as you look at him

"Were you in there drinking? Whats up? You know you can tell me anything right?" You say leaning down a little to make sure you force eye contact since he's been avoiding it. You watch as he groans and takes a hit before coughing slightly and handing the joint back to you without saying anything he steps into the water submerging himself halfway into the steaming water before looking back at you as a silent way of asking if your coming or not and you do walking over and you sit next to him smoking the joint a little, looking at him as he scratches the back of his neck almost ashamed, opening his mouth but he doesn't say anything so you hand him the joint again, he's clearly nervous, taking it from your hand he inhales harshly handing it back to you as he falls into a small coughing fit. Watching as he sputters a little, laughing at him a little amused, getting in closer to gently rub his back and help calm his breathing again. Not realizing that in getting to close your breast have pressed up against his side in hopes of calming him down

"Okay i'm fine now so you can move" He says shifting away from you and you smile a little giving a short 'sorry' you say looking at him in hopes that since you moved away he would tell you whats wrong with him

"Okay so we met in ua and you've always been so annoying with that damn smile of yours and the way you laugh,being able to light up a room with a single twinkle from your eye and that isn't even your quirk, I remember thinking for a split moment that maybe you were just like icy-hot with two of em but no and even after all that your damn smile was still to bright. Then we got put in neighboring agencies and we drew this dumb fucking lottery" And threw this whole interaction you could tell he was getting frustrated and you weren't entirely sure where he was going with this but it clearly has something to do with pent up feelings so you grab his hands taking a leap of faith pushing them against your chest getting closer looking at him with pleading eyes

"Please don't stop. I want to hear what you have to say. All of it." You say holding his hands tight against your breast and you watch as he looks away a blush spreading to the tip of his ears

"Fuck I just- I don't know I'm still trying to figure how to say shit" he says quickly and you realize that's true he's always been a man of action

"Well don't say anything then" you say gripping his hands pressing your breasts harder into his arm getting closer, he looks at you thinking that maybe it's the alcohol or the weed but whatever it was he could feel his inhibition lowering along with his head as his lips connect with yours, groaning as you push your chest up against his, slipping into his lap as his arms wrap around your waist possessively squeezing you tight, pulling away you giggle at his possessiveness

"Why you squeezing me so tight?" You say laughing a little more and he hides his face in your breasts before mumbling something and you grip his hair a little which seems to get the memo as he pulls away

"Like hell I'm letting you go now" he mumbles hiding his face in your neck as his hips rut up against yours causing you to gasp out changing angles which puts his face right in between your breasts as his grip on you tightens and his rutting becomes rougher the water begins of the hot springs sloshing with his movements as you grip his hair grinding down and meeting his thrusts until he suddenly stops causing you to let out a whine and he pulls away from your chest much to his dismay chuckling

"I'm not cumming till I get to feel that pussy wrapped 'round me" he says almost slurred as his eyes droop grabbing your ass roughly as he picks you up sitting you on the stone side and you shiver arching your back against him

"It's cold Suki" you say whining as you feel goosebumps spread across your body and he just rolls his eyes

"You'll be fine. I gotta open you up baby" he says and you blush you've only had sex three times neither of them enjoyable which is something you should probably admit but you don't want to ruin the mood because you want to be with him and you can feel your mind running

"Hey speak up tell me to stop" he says and you grip his hand

"No! God no please. I want to be with you but I've only done this a couple of times and none of them enjoyable so I don't want to disappoint you with my own inexperience. But it's not like I think this will be bad or anything and that's another reason I'm nervous" you say but realize that you've been rambling quickly but you see as his eyebrows scrunch

"So you're worried that you won't be able to keep up and that basically I'm going to fuck you like no one else could?" He says kinda nonchalant and a blush spreads across your face at how he could simplify your insecurities in a crude way. But you giggle

"Yeah I guess kinda. I mean everyone talks about how good it can feel like leg shaking and it's scary and what if you leave after or think I make a weird face" you say giggling a little throwing your hands up in defeat

"Well I want to do with you no pressure, obviously, but I can also guarantee that I will make you feel good and like hell I'm leaving your ass I already got a taste of you." He says with a smile leaning in between your legs nibbling at your left ear

"You promise" you say a little wobble to your voice. His hands are exploring your thighs gripping, squeezing and even pinching at your thigh

"Trust me baby I fuckin promise you're stuck with me now." You giggle a little and he leans in kissing your cheek

"Okay well I'm done over thinking. You gonna fuck me now?" At that his lips connect with yours, his hips slotting between your thighs as one of his hands slips behind your back grabbing one of the loose strings pulling it untying the top. Once untied he slips the straps down your arms throwing your top somewhere, pulling away licking his lips as he grabs at your boobs kissing your chest before he moves his way down to your right breast. Holding your right breast up he gently suckles on the nipple as his left hand tugs and pinches at your other one. Feeling as he nibbles and bites at your nipple tugging with his teeth causing your back to arch and grip at his hair feeling him still grounding down on you. His left hand travels down your stomach and slips into your bottoms as his head moves towards your left nipple giving it the same attention and hickies. He pulls away slipping his hand out your pants causing you to whine in an exaggerated manner to show your disappointment.

"Cmon don't be a brat I gotta get you out of these" he says referring to your bottoms and you blush as his hands grab at the hem of them looking at you to indicate to lifting your hips up and you do listening happily at the implications. God the man you're in love is about to finger you and it turns out he feels the same way I mean like what? That's crazy?

"Mhm damn look that pussy baby"he says with a wicked grin leaning down getting into the water until he's face to face with your pussy feeling as it throbs while it clenches and unclenches around nothing covering your face in shame because you just know he can see it happen and judging by his laugh you're right.

"Mhm look at this desperate pussy clenching around nothing you're so desperate aren't you baby?" He asks clearly rhetorically since he doesn't wait for you to respond before he slips his pointer finger inside curling it up searching for that spongy spot inside and he can tell instantly when he finds it based on how you whine and clench your thighs around his head that was barely a breath away from your pussy almost feeling his breath fan against your most sensitive area. He laughs at your sensitivity deciding to add his middle finger repeating the same action curling his fingers upwards. Feeling his breath get closer and closer until you feel his tongue lick at your clit. Your head throws back, grabbing a fist full of his hair from the intense stimulation finding ground yourself to something as you feel his fingers move curl non stop and his lips suck and lick at your clit. Feeling as not only your thighs clench around his head but the knot in your stomach as well. Back arching deeper as his fingers do the same inside you so desperate to make you cum

"I'm-im gonna cum Suki fuck I can feel it!" You exclaim as your back gives out falling back against the stone as you cum on his face thighs shaking and convulsing as his fingers milk you for everything your worth. You feel as his fingers gently pull out whining at the loss. Whining about the stones being cold Bakugo laughs at you calling you a baby and you watch as he licks his lips as he grabs your wrists pulling you back into the water as he sits down on the middle step pulling you down with him landing on lap realizing he must have ditched his swimming trunks at some point looking down in the water blushing god he's so big

"Like what you see baby? This is what's gonna go inside you baby." He says whispering in your ear as he grinds his cock against your bare pussy. Gasping as you wrap your arms around his neck tight clearly nervous at the anticipation

"If you want to stop we can" he says clearly being able to sense your nervousness. But you pull away quickly

"No! I mean no. *you say gasping trying to keep your cool* I don't want to stop I'm just a little nervous. So please just be gentle with me" you say seductively grinding down and he groans

"God damn you're gonna be the death of me you know that?" And you giggle at the comment. Kissing his cheek

"Alright princess take a deep breath" he says lovingly as you feel him lift your hips gasping as you feel his cock rub at your clit before poking at your entrance

"Told you to breathe damnit" he says as he pushes his hips up against yours. Your head throws back again to the feeling of him stretching you open, his hands grip at your waist pushing you down as well to meet his hips until he's completely bottomed out inside you. He can feel as your breath hitches and your heart quickens

"Calm down" he says as you feel his right hand rub circles into your lower back. There's a proud smile on his face as he realizes that almost instantly you try to regain control of your breathing. God she's such a good girl he thinks. Feeling as you begin to move your hips grinding down slowly.

"Yeah baby? You gonna use me and my cock to please yourself?" He asks as he buries his face into your breasts sucking hickies into your sternum as his own hips begin to move. Water sloshing with the movement of both of you.

"Mhm you feel that baby? Are your thighs shaking for me?" He asks clearly proud of himself you both keep a steady pace as he fucks into you and you meet his thrusts feeling the pressure build again as your thighs do shake from the pleasure but they're beginning to burn your so fucking to close to cumming again you just can't keep going fuck

"Please- please *gasping* I can't keep doing it my thighs burn help me" you whine burying your face into his neck as you suck your own bruises into the skin. He groans at the feeling but you feel as his hand grab at your ass cheeks pulling them apart slightly as he begins fucking up against you roughly hitting your g-spot perfectly as his other hand slips between your bodies finding your clit and begins to play with it.

"Mhm damn I can you clenching around me love. You gonna cum. Yea fucking cum do it for me. I'm so close too." He says hips moving more erratic so desperate to make you cum first. And his efforts begin to pay off as he feels you clench around him the same as you did against his fingers.

"I can feel you clenching. I know you're gonna cum just do it." He says and that's basically all it takes before you're cumming around him but that doesn't stop his own thrusting. You feel as he picks you up sitting you against the stone as he fucks into you harsher cumming inside you as he pulls out you whine and he laughs

"Why did you put me back on the stone? It's cold." You whine as he rolls his eye

"I didn't want to cum in the water. Don't want to ruin the hot spring do we? Still wanna be able to use it yeah?" He says kissing you and you blush cause he's right god how embarrassing. He picks you up and takes you to the bathroom sitting you on a stool that sits in front of the shower head.

"Alright love let's get cleaned up then we can smoke a little more and cuddle. Yeah?" And you blush at that cuz fuck yeah that sounds amazing. The fact that he fucked your brains out, is gonna bathes you and then smoke with you while watching TV god you really are in love.

[cdbabymp3]

Having thoughts about hamzahs hands and arms likeeeee… sexy. Just him always touching you and u love when he puts his arms around you.

𐙚hands & arms ― hamzahthefantastic

notes/warnings: sfw & nsfw hc's !! i did indicate where the nsfw portion starts though so if you just wanna read the sfw you can ! slight mention of weed lol (i kinda went overboard w this ... 🤒)

[unedited]

sfw

-boy's got the prettiest hands evaaa 🌟

-he's extremely touch deprived so he's gotta be holding your hand at all times

-in the winter when it's absolutely freezing, he'll take your hands in his and blow hot air, rubbing them to create friction 😭 he's so corny i love him

-if you guys are high, he'll compare the size of your hands with his for the millionth time and act surprised (his are muchhh larger)

"whaaaattt oh my goddd y/n you're like a little alien !!"

-he likes to cradle your face when you kiss, generally just needs to hold you in any given situation

-you could be reaching for something above you in the kitchen and he feels the need to keep a hand on the small of your back like he's spotting you at the gym BYEEE

-when he first met your parents for dinner, he had a hand on your thigh the whole night. if there was a brief pause in the conversation or he didn't know the answer to a question your dad asked, he'd squeeze your thigh for help

-likes when you kiss his knuckles and fingertips, it never fails to bring a smile to his face and he always returns the favor

-this is probably super niche but i feel like he's good with his hands ??? not even sexually (well-yes but we'll get to that in a sec...) but just able to open difficult things that are too tedious for you

-he has a very steady hand is what i'm trying to say... so if the clasps of your bra are being difficult or there's a random knot in your earbuds he's your guy ! 😁

-again, maybe too niche, but he's a fast typer as well

-if you have a huge essay due and you're exhausted, just tell him what you want to say and he'll put his slutty little glasses on and type if out for you so fucking quick bc that's bf !! 💘

-now his arms ...

-he thinks he's not that strong but oh he definitely is

-can open anything for you, even those annoying ass sauce jars that are literally airtight

-THIS BOY'S A TEASE THOUGH so yes you will have to SHOW HIM that you tried to open it and then he'll be like "ok fine lemme do it 😒"

-okay he hates the whole hyper-masculine mentality of a girl making a man feel manly butttt there is one exception: when you guys are walking together and you hold onto his bicep ... goes fucking crazy for that

-he likes to pick you up all the time !! during fights, when he gets home from filming, when you tell him good news, etc. etc.

-you could be in the middle of a stupid argument where both of y'all are just being petty for nothing and you know it, so he'll pick you up while you're cussing him out and put you over his shoulder

-you protest at first, demanding he put you down, but then he'll spin you a bit to make you laugh and get over whatever y'all were fighting about

-piggyback rides and carrying you bridal style are a must

-yes, he let's you do the tiktok trend where you tie a ribbon around his bicep. no, he does not let you post it.

nsfw

-driving hamzah driving hamzah DRIVING HAMZAH !!! one hand on the steering wheel, the other on your inner thigh with the most innocent expression on his face as his fingers creep towards where you need him

-likes when you suck on his fingers mhm mhm he will NOT break eye contact when you do it

-WILL interlock fingers with yours when he eats you out, he needs the intimacy

-very skilled with his hands as i mentioned earlier ...

-he may be an inexperienced bachelor but this boy knows where the clit is and how to circle it just right

-since it took a while for you guys to actually fuck in your relationship (bc he wanted to take things slow) fingering was his go-to and jesus christ is he good at it 🪦

-his fingers are fairly long and thicker than yours so he's curling them and reaching all the right spots

-his hands are calloused from lifting and it's hot !! this is smth i won't negotiate

-when he's caressing your thighs and ass you can feel how rough they are in certain areas and it only adds to the stimulation

-he will lightly hold your neck when you guys makeout, not quite enough to choke you though, he's so cute

-ARMS ARMS ARMS ARMS MY WEAKNESS 🐺

-can definitely toss you around if you get what i mean ...

-it's always jokingly though, he'd never want to actually hurt you so he doesn't use his full strength

-if you've been at a party together and are dying to get home to be alone he will speed back to his place, slam the door behind you, pick you up to walk over and throw you onto his bed, laughing at how horny both of you are

-can literally lift your weight with one hand, so if you guys are kissing on the couch and want to switch to his bed, it's light work for him

-hates himself for it but he does have a hint of a size/strength kink that i don't think he'd ever openly admit lmao

-looooovesss when you grab for his biceps during the initial thrust into you ... DONT GET ME STARTED

-hugs you from behind 😵‍💫 he knows how much it turns you on

-like you're super focused on something and he'll walk up behind you and wrap his arms around your body, swaying you side to side to distract you

"hamzah..." you warn

"what???" he always plays dumb

^this almost always ends in making out and/or hooking up

໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა taglist ; @forevergirlposts

(lmk if u wanna be added, luvs!!)

[akystaracer22]

Maybe in Another Life We Would Hate Each Other a Little Less

A chance encounter sheds a little light on Adam that Lucifer couldn't have predicted, leading to a moment he thought he'd never have with the man.

Notes (Aka my thoughts while writing):

God is a dick and I wanna kill xem

Adam folds his wings like a bird because monkey see monkey do

Both these guys were traumatised by the same person and we don’t talk about it enough

Probably Guitarduck/Adamsapple but in a fledgeling platonic kinda way

Refer to my ref for what Adam looks like!

I listened to Rät while writing this and- it kind of fits Adam???

Jesus is God’s favourite child and it fucking shows

How tf did this become a sickfic????

Lucifer gets the experience of being me whenever I make the impulsive move to boot up Char.ai and talk to literally any of the AI’s, get aunt agonied bitch.

Oh my god Adam has middle child syndrome.

Can you tell I attended a Christian school when I was younger???

Adam was hiding just how fucked over he was from the wing rot but he’s not having a good time in this. Most of the latter half of the oneshot is him dazed from both the one set of wing rot and the feeling of someone touching his wing.

Shit emergency wing HC for Adam ig: His wings grow warmer corresponding to his mood, as in when he is in general happier his wings radiate warmth and when he’s in a foul mood they’re just normal or even a little cooler.

In saying that yes Lucifer’s wings glow when he’s happy

Word Count: 1902

Fic under cut!

“Fucking- Shit!”

Lucifer paused, looking behind him and backing up to peek through the crack in the door. This ought to be good.

Sure enough, he was right, this was entertaining.

Adam was ranting again.

Honestly it was a nearly daily thing by this point, probably the only good thing about his daughters decision to let Adam stay at the hotel. He loved his daughter, he really did, by Adam was… Adam.

Lucifer knew he was a lost cause.

But still, didn’t mean Lucifer couldn’t tease the hell out of the man since he was stuck down here with the rest of them.

Lucifer’s smirk at watching the first man rant quickly died as he took in the guys appearance, he looked…

“What is wrong with your wings.”

Adam jerked and twisted around, scowling at him and oops he said that out loud didn’t he.

“Piss off!”

Lucifer, in his typical fashion, did not piss off and instead entered the room, “No seriously what is wrong with your wings.”

Now that he was closer, the king was certain they didn’t look like that a week ago. The feathers, while already having looked like a wreck were duller and the colours seemed almost… muted. Ignoring the already horrific state Adam’s wing were in, they shouldn’t look THAT bad so why…

“Wait-”

“I said-!”

“Have you not been preening you wings?”

Adam went silent, staring wide eyed at Lucifer much to the kings confusion. A beat passed, then two.

“What the fuck is preening?”

Lucifer blinked, he wasn’t serious, was he?

Surely not.

.

.

.

“By the heavens you’re dead serious.”

“What the fuck are you talking about.”

Lucifer debated whether he should explain it or not. On one hand, it’s Adam. On the other, Wings were a serious thing. He’d even seen Husker cleaning his wings from time to time, for Adam to just not know…

“You know what? For once my hatred of you is outweighed by my need to show you what’s what,” The fallen seraphim huffed, closing the door behind him and summoning a chair to block it from the outside so Adam couldn’t escape. “Come on we’re fixing this travesty.”

“What part of fuck off you do you not understand?!” The first man snapped, his wings mantling as Lucifer rifled through the closet, dragging out one of the many jars of oil he’d had the foresight to put in most of the rooms, perks of being a guy with basic common sense.

“The part where you’re being stupid and my daughter started rubbing off on me,” Lucifer shot back, his own wings serving well to corral Adam towards the bed, “How you don’t know how to preen your wings is beyond me but that’s ending today.”

“Again- what are you blabbering about.”

Lucifer paused, hand hovering just over Adams feathers. Preening someone elses wings was… intimate. It was something reserved for friends, family, lovers, and stuff… not enemies. Was he really going to just go ahead and clean Adams wings for him?

The seraphim’s eyes flicked over to where the ruined wing was draped over the bed. The wing was already in bad enough shape as it was, if he didn’t do this then wing rot was bound to hit it at some point and-

He didn’t really have a choice, not if he didn’t want to watch someone die of wing rot again.

Adam went stiff under Lucifers touch as he started work on the mans functioning wing, it was the easiest to work with, not the mention the safest to start with. The injured wing would no doubt be sensitive to any interaction, so better to start small.

Ish.

Adam shuddered as Lucifer moved between feather’s, periodically reapplying preening oil as he went. He was right as usual, looking closer most of the barbules had been separated and needed to be locked together again. Grimacing, the seraphim gently scratched out what looked like dried blood from where it was hidden in the base of Adam’s Secondary coverts.

“What are you doing?” Adam whispered, his voice for once lacking it’s usual bite. Lucifer paused for a second in confusion before Adam’s wing flexed back into Lucifer’s hand, “Don’t stop!”

“Okay okay!” The king huffed, working on his primaries, “What I’m doing is called preening. It’s something beings with feathers do to clean them.”

“Like birds?”

“Yeah, like birds,” Lucifer agreed, “The oil helps take care of bacteria, but you got to realign the feathers, get rid of the ones ready to moult, and fix the feathers that are out of sorts, though you can just shake the feathers to do that part quicker.”

“Mhm”

Lucifer shifted over to finally tackle the ruined wing and froze, a chill slinking down his spine. As he took in the state of the tattered appendage.

“Shit.”

This close the seraphim could see the red pimples under the thinning layer of feathers surrounding the injury, it was wing rot in its early stages.

“What?”

“Nothing!” Lucifer dove his fingers into the scapulars to shut Adam up while he discreetly conjured up some disinfectant for the rot, if he’s lucky he can treat it now and just get Charlie or Vaggie to deal with it now, knock it over the head before it becomes so visible the others can notice. He ignored Adam’s breath hitching as the seraphim started, just as predicted, the wing was sensitive from the damage done to it.

“But seriously you need to do this more, this is just horrific,” Lucifer grumbled to himself, not really caring if Adam listened, “Honestly I’m surprised this hasn’t happened to you before!”

“Mmmm tried once… I think?”

Lucifer, glanced at Adam’s face, it was pointed away from him, but he could still sense Adam’s attention was on him, “Yeah?”

“Saw the birds doin’ it and tried to copy ‘em,” Adam continued at the prompt, spreading his other wing, “It hurt so I stopped, didn’ know there was a method to this shit or someth’n.”

“You… nobody even tried to teach you?”

“I think they thought I knew,” Adam chuckled sourly, “I think they thought I fu’kin knew how to just- do this. ‘Cause I was meant to right?!” Another laugh, “I bit the fu’kin apple so I shou’da known this kinda shit! Apple of knowl’dge or what’ver.”

Lucifer, wisely, didn’t say anything, he just kept working on Adam’s ruined wing, applying the disinfectant, and fixing what few feathers were still healthy and removing the rest. If it was anyone else in this situation he’s wrap the wing and tell them to rest but… it was still Adam that was in this mess.

“I- why didn’t they teach me? Luci why didn’t they teach me this shit?”

“I… don’t know,” Lucifer replied carefully, deliberately skipping over the butchering of his name that sounded way to close to a nickname for comfort, “Come on, up you get he still got the underside to finish then I’ll be out.”

Adam grumbled but complied, sitting up a little to turn around as Lucifer summoned a pillow for Adam to lean back on. Rolling his neck Lucifer got to work on the auxiliary feathers, the lighter feathers were definitely in better shape, but then again that wasn’t exactly a high bar, and they still were looking rough.

“Jesus was prob’bly taught how to preen himself.”

Lucifer’s shoulders hitched as his wings tucked in against his back abruptly. Jesus… was a rough topic. For all sinners talked about him, Lucifer never met him but from the sinners around that time… it was never a fun conversation. Pretentious once kings cursing his name while hopeless commoners lined up for the exorcists blade, faithful until the end that Jesus would let them into heaven if they just believed in him.

… there was a pattern in there, wasn’t there. Like father like son, he supposed.

“Jesus was made from me and yet he’s God’s favourite fukin kid, course he’d fucking know how to preen,” Adam continued unimpeded, “Doesn’t matter if I was Gods first- Jesus was always fucking better than me.”

Okay! Lucifer was in no way prepared for this conversation, but he highly doubted Adam was even going to remember this conversation, so he just focused on the wings.

“…Luci, do they all hate me?”

Lucifer sincerely wished Anthony, or just anyone really would bust down the door at this moment, at least then he could get himself out of this conversation.

“Why do you think that?” the seraphim deflected, moving onto Adam’s good wing and going through his coverts.

“Because none of them ever fucking did this,” Adam waved his hand haphazardly before letting it rest on his chest, “You’re my enemy but you’re fixin’ my fu’kin wings because I’m too stupid and useless to just figure it out myself.”

“Not useless,” The words left Lucifer’s lips without his input, damn himself to double hell, but it managed to shut up Adam, so he kept on the thought train, “You’re not useless you were just never taught, it’s not your fault heaven doesn’t think.”

“Jesus-”

“Is God’s prodigal son and shouldn’t be counted.”

Adam huffed and leaned back on the pillow, “Why’re you good at this?”

“I’ve had aeon’s to learn, and over a decade of putting it in practice,” Lucifer thought about his daughter, a small smile making it’s way into his expression, she really was the best thing to happen to him.

He finished up with Adams good wing and moved onto finishing off the wrecked one. Applying the disinfectant to the infected spots on the underside before reaching for the preening oil again.

“Y’know, maybe in another life we would’ve hated each other less.”

Lucifer just laughed and started preening the wing, yeah right, maybe in a reality where the apple incident never happened, “You’re sick Adam, feverish even.”

“And you’re a wife-stealer.”

“Should have been better in bed.”

“Fuck you,”

Lucifer stuck his tongue out at the first man, earning a tired chuckle. Then the seraphim blinked at the sudden warmth radiating out from the feathers. What in the-?

“Oh… they haven’t done that in a while.”

Lucifer blinked up at Adam who was staring at his feathers in amazement, “Ackde-whuh?”

Adam leaned back and closed his eyes, “Yeah… sometimes they just get warm all of a sudden it’s weird. Hasn’t happened in a while though. Apparently it sometimes happened when Lute was around? I dunno why.”

Lucifer blinked a couple of times before letting out a small “huh” and running a hand through the ruined wing, it was definitely warmer.

Sighing, Lucifer let his hand fall away despite the wing chasing it, “Alright well your wings are definitely cleaner now, so I’ll be out of your hair now.”

The seraphim stood up to leave through the balcony, opening the window and almost stepping out when Adam called after him, still sounding exhausted.

“I can see why they left me for you.”

Lucifer paused, before smiling sardonically and looking back at Adam, who looked like he might have just passed out.

“Tell me that when you’re not delusional from illness and I might believe you.”

With that, Lucifer stepped out and left for his own room… though, if Adam woke up to a small plush duck on his nightstand, that was between Lucifer and the god that cast him down.

But there is one thing Lucifer will admit.

Maybe Charlie wasn't wrong about thinking Adam could be redeemed.

Pings:

@sleepy-hijinx @whatataha @cyborg0109 @birbisanon @legogator @overlord-rey @luckyburgerz @spiny-dogfishes @justakidicarus

[lustfulslxt]

Baby - Chris Sturniolo

summary : you and chris go live on instagram, cooking dinner in the kitchen, singing and dancing to music together while fans gush over how cute you are.

—

You were in the kitchen, pulling out all of the ingredients you needed to make dinner. Your playlist on shuffle, softly playing in the atmosphere. You had a clean house, a free weekend, you were making your favorite dinner, and spending the night with your boyfriend. You were content.

"Gorgeous?" Chris speaks in a sing song voice, trailing behind you.

You hum in acknowledgement, still laying everything out.

"Can I help you?" He asks, linking his arms around your waist, planting his head on your shoulder.

"Of course, so long as you don't mess anything up."

He places a soft kiss on your neck, pulling away from you with his hands in surrender, "I promise. I'll do whatever you need me to."

You give him a smile and nod in agreement, softly pecking his lips.

On the counter, laid a pot, a skillet, a plastic spoon, noodles, oil, seasonings, jars of sauce, chicken, and heavy whipping cream.

"Fill this pot up with water." You instruct him, "Once you're done with that, place it on the big burner, on high."

He gives you a salute, "Yes, ma'am."

You knew he had the gist of it, but you wanted to be extra and explain every little thing to him. He followed your instructions, very simply. Once the pot of water was on the stove, he turned to you, expectantly.

“We’ve got to wait for it to come close to a boil before we start the chicken, that way they’re done at the same time.” You tell him.

He nods, before going to your phone and turning the music up. “Want to go live?”

After pondering for a split second, you agree and he logs onto Instagram and starts the live. Soon enough, there were thousands of fans watching.

“Hi guys!” You exclaim, standing next to Chris.

He greeted them as well, tossing an arm around your waist. The fans went crazy over it, causing you to lightly blush. Your music had stopped for a second, changing to the next song, which was Baby - Justin Bieber.

“Aw shit!” Chris grins, propping his phone up and pulling you back into the middle of the kitchen “Oh woah, oh woah, oh woah.” He sings, twirling you around.

Your laughter fills the air as the two of you sing and dance, oblivious to the fans screen recording and blowing the comments up, gushing over your relationship.

“She make my heart pound, and skip a beat when I see her on the street. And at school on the playground, but I really wanna see her on the weekend. She knows she got me dazing, cause she was so amazing.”

Even though it was just a song, with the way he was staring into your eyes and singing every lyric to you, while shamelessly dancing around the kitchen, in front of thousands of people, you nearly melted. The smallest things had you falling harder every day.

He pulled you into a soft kiss, not having a care in the world about the live. He loved you and he was never afraid to express it. Once he let you go and continued dancing like a fool, you went back to get the chicken started, a deep blush coating your cheeks.

You cut the chicken up, seasoned it, and put it in the skillet with oil. Next, you started the noodles. As that was going to take some time, you went back to join Chris and his shenanigans.

“I must apologize for acting stank and treating you this way.” You sing with him, “Cause I’ve been acting like sour milk all on the floor, it’s your fault, you didn’t shut the refrigerator. Maybe that’s the reason I’ve been acting so cold.”

You both laugh again, enjoying everything about the night you’re having. Chris pulls you in the direction of his phone, so you guys could read some comments and interact with the viewers for a moment.

“You guys are the cutest.” Chris reads out loud, turning his head towards you with a proud smile on his face.

“True love.” You read another comment, nodding in agreement as you looked back at him, staring in pure adoration.

“The love of my life.” He whispers, only you being able to hear him.

That didn’t stop fans from dissecting what he said through the movement of his lips, and they went absolutely barnacles. The way Chris admired everything about you and was relentless with his affection, made them crazy. They truly loved your guys’ relationship.

He pulled you into him once again, just holding you in his embrace. His scent pleasantly engulfed you as you deeply inhaled, taking in every second of it all. He was warm and you felt safe and content, you felt home.

“Y’all, I’m gonna marry this girl one day.” Chris tells the live, causing your face to heat up as the biggest smile pulled to your lips.

“Stop, you’re making me blush.” You giggled in a whisper.

“Sorry, gorgeous, I can’t help it. You drive me mad, in the best way possible.”

You pulled him in for a kiss, this one deeper and more passionate than the last. You guys were perfectly in sync, merging together as one.

“I’m so in love with you.” You breathed into him lips.

“Let’s end the live.” He whispers, suggestively.

You let out a loud laugh, going to the phone, “Okay guys, we’re gonna call it a night. Gotta finish dinner. See you later!”

Chris threw up a peace sign with duck lips, bidding the fans goodbye.

You turned to him with a cheeky grin, “Maybe after dinner, you can show me how mad I drive you.”

“Don’t tempt me, baby.” He smirks.

You both laugh, going back to the cooking, happy to be with one another.

—

a /n : ok this was so shit, lowk feel like i rushed the ending.. still not proofread lolol. but like imagine chris dancing w you while y’all cook dinner and shit 😭 baby me now. send in requests pls pls

[jjkamochoso]

Okay guys I screwed this up yesterday!! This was a request from @killuagirly and was originally an ask but I accidentally posted it unfinished instead of saving as a draft and had to delete it lol SO here's the request: "Another Feitan request! Feitan with a Female Reader who's dying to 'pretty him up'! He's already gorgeous as is of course, but wouldn't it be so fun to do a morning & nightly routine with him? If she's lucky, Feitan will let her paint his nails! He goes for black when she asks what color he'd like, but maybe with a little pink heart on each ring finger! He wouldn't mind that much, so long as the Troupe doesn't see of course. He'd never hear the end of it."

Here's my answer to the ask: I loved this so much😭❤️ thank you for always bringing me your Feitan ideas, I absolutely love writing for this man🥺❤️ I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!!🫶

And finally, here's the fic:

Pretty in Portor

Fluff

Feitan Portor x f!reader

Warnings: slight mentions of violence

Feitan had no clue how he got so easily persuaded by you. It was like you put a spell on him or used some sort of crazy Nen technique to manipulate his actions. Of course, he knew that wasn’t the case—

He just really, really loved you.

That’s why he found himself in your room in the hideout of whatever city the Phantom Troupe had business in this time, wearing a fluffy headband pulling back his bangs while you applied a face mask to his pale skin. You already had your own on, sporting a fluffy headband matching his.

“Why you no ask Machi or Shizuku, even Pakunoda, to do this?”

“They’re not into this kind of stuff,” you whined.

“And I am?” he questioned, prompting you to jokingly swat at him. “You bring in water? I no going out to bathroom to wash off.”

“Of course. I’m not a monster,” you replied. “I won’t make you too uncomfortable as you so sweetly partake in my nightly routine with me.”

“Too late,” he grumbled, earning a gentle flick of the forehead.

After you both rinsed off the mask, you rummaged through your belongings to find the rest of your skincare items. You laid them out on the bed, all of the foreign labels piquing Feitan’s interest.

“What this?” he asked, picking up a small jar.

“I was just looking for that! Thank you,” you said as he handed it to you. “It’s exfoliation for your lips. It gets all the dead skin off and makes them smooth. You want some?”

“Looks sticky. Absolutely not.”

“Your loss.” You giggled mischievously before your voice gained a flirty tone. “You know, if you ever wanna kiss anyone, this is a great way to make sure your lips are smooth.”

Feitan glared at you mercilessly. “Don’t say stupid things.”

“Just a suggestion!” you exclaimed, putting your hands up in defense. You put some of the product on your lips and scrubbed with your finger, taking care to get your lips nice and soft. Feitan busied himself with looking at your array of items, thinking your words over and trying not to blush. His eyes trailed up, sneaking a glance at the way your finger ran over your now moisturized lips as his mind filled with what they might feel like against his own…

He quickly went back to his reading of ingredients on whatever bottle he picked up, trying to shake those thoughts out of his head. You were none the wiser of what he was thinking about, though you couldn’t help but notice that Feitan was a little too engrossed in the bottle of serum he was holding, especially after his not-so-subtle peek at you just a minute ago. You wondered if maybe that could mean he felt the same about you that you did about him? You hadn’t a clue and it didn’t help to ponder over questions you were sure you’d never have answers to, so you picked up a bottle of nail polish to forget your worries for the moment.

“You want your nails done too?” you asked.

“Only if you have black,” he snorted, figuring your girly, pink loving self wouldn’t be caught dead in black nail polish. To his horror, you procured a bottle of his color request and held it up.

“Perfect! I’ll do yours after I do mine.”

Feitan wanted to protest, but knew it was no use. He was a man of his word, after all, so he sat quietly, mindlessly flipping through a book he had brought into your room as you began to paint your nails.

“All done,” you had said after a few minutes. “Your turn!”

Feitan groaned but sat across from you anyway.

“Hand, please,” you told him. He held out his left hand first and you went to work, but not before he almost shivered at the skin-on-skin contact. When both hands were done, two coats of polish and one layer of lotion later, Feitan was impressed with the end result. He had to admit, he was a fan of the dark color contrasting against his skin.

“They look so pretty!” you gushed, fawning over the great job you did with his nails. You grasped his fingers and turned them every which way, inspecting them closely. They looked nice, sure, but they were missing something.

Your eyes lit up. “I know! I can paint a little heart on one of the nails.”

“Anatomical?” He smiled darkly. “Bloody?”

You screwed your nose up in disgust. “No, I was thinking something more like this.”

You picked up a small brush, used for creating tiny details, and dipped it into the pink polish bottle. You then carefully made a few strokes over each of his pinky nails, drawing a dainty heart on each one.

“There,” you said triumphantly. Feitan looked at his nails, confused at how he should feel. On one hand, it was sweet of you to include him in your hobbies and enthusiastically make him participate, but on the other hand, how could you not see how wildly ironic it was, painting cutesy hearts on the nails of a sadistic torturer? The same nails that were normally inflicting pain and misery, caked in blood and other bodily fluids, were now covered in nail polish and sweet smelling lotion, being treated with a tenderness he forgot he had craved for so long. Unfortunately, because there was a “no fighting your fellow Troupe members” rule, Feitan wouldn’t dare to walk out of your room with the nail art; he couldn’t bear the idea of being teased to no end and not being able to shut the person up with violence.

“Tch. Cover it with paint. I no need anyone seeing this.”

“Aww Fei, are you sure?” you pouted. “But you look adorable!”

“No want to look adorable when killing someone. That your job.”

You giggled as you opened the black polish bottle again while the man quickly looked away, trying to hide his sheepishness at the compliment he inadvertently gave you. Now that your last minute art additions were covered, it made it even more special to him. He loved knowing he had your heart, a little piece of you, hidden away in a place only he knew of.

“This is more your style anyway,” you said, smiling softly at his plain black nails. You were about to put the polish back in your bag but before you could do anything, Feitan stopped you.

“Wait. Sit.”

You obliged, curious to know what he was up to. Feitan himself seemed surprised that he spoke up, but nevertheless continued.

“Choose color and give me brush.”

Your stomach fluttered with excitement when you realized he was going to do some nail art on you as well.

“I’ll do black,” you said, “that way we’ll match each other.”

“Gross,” he muttered, feeling his cheeks warm as he studied your splayed out hands in front of him, not daring to peek at your gorgeous face in his flustered state. He busied himself with the brush, starting his art. You decided to wait until he was done before looking at your nails to keep it a surprise. Your eyelashes fluttered closed, enjoying the relaxing atmosphere. Feitan, now finished, was going to question why you hadn’t said anything yet but he looked up to see your shut eyes. You looked so peaceful that he wouldn’t be surprised if you were asleep. His gaze darted down to your lips, the skin softer than ever after your exfoliation, and he was so terribly tempted to kiss you. He stared you down, deathly still as he took this time to inspect all of your pretty facial features while he knew for sure you wouldn’t catch him doing so.

“Feitan,” you whispered, his skin erupting in goosebumps at the way you said his name, “are you all done?”

He wanted to say no, have you all to himself as he continued to commit your every fine line and curve of your expression to his memory, but as selfish of a man he was, he didn’t want to make you wait to see his work any longer.

“Open eyes.”

You did what he said, but instead of your nails, your vision was filled with the handsome face of the man you adored to no end.

“So pretty,” you breathed out, getting lost in his gray eyes.

“You haven’t seen nails yet, idiot,” he chided, wishing the acid in his stomach could dissolve the butterflies flying around in it.

“Hmm? Yeah, you’re right,” you replied, finally examining his artistry. You gasped with delight at what you saw. Feitan had drawn a skull, similar to the one on his cowl, on each of your ring fingers.

“They’re perfect! Feitan, I love it! Thank you!” you exclaimed. He was about to answer you but was dumbstruck when you planted a kiss at the corner of his lips before bringing him into a bone crushing hug.

“I’m just so excited! We look so good!” you continued, eventually pulling away from him with a big smile. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to show everyone!”

You ran off, your bunny slippers thumping against the hard floor. Feitan brought his polished fingers to his face where they rested against the spot you had just kissed, letting a lovestruck grin rest on his face.

Your lips were even softer than he dreamed of.

[kayslibrary]

Simon Riley's hair obsession (Simon X black reader)

Hi guys! This break was completely unprecedented (it will probably happen again). I just checked my last post date and it was JANUARY 21ST????? I did NOT mean to step away for that long lmaoo But im back! I wanted to dabble in the Cod fandom but I’m a little intimidated idk. There are a lot of different archetypes of the characters, and im a little nervous I won’t do the characters justice or portray them correctly so please give me feedback and or/ KIND critiques if you please! 

Im gonna start my Task Force 141 saga off with Simon (whose surprised lol) and this is gonna be paired with a black afab reader so ENJOY PPL

Warnings~fluff,, Simon being a lovestruck fool

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Simon likes your hair. No, Simon  LOVES your hair. That was one of the first things he noticed when you two first met. When you two were in the earlier stages of dating, he would just stare at your curls. “Beautiful, full curls,” he thought to himself as you would go on about your conversations. Now that you both were living under the same roof, He knows what goes into keeping your hair from frizz and tangles and how much it takes to maintain it. 

“Baby, can you pass me the edge control?” you requested from your shared bedroom, “what control?” He inquired, puzzled “The edge….the blue jar with the black lid on it” “The lid that's hard to open,” he asked as he walked in with 5 bottles and jars cradled in his arms. “Yess that one” you giggled,  pacing over to him to grab the one you were looking for. “This one” you smiled as you nab it from Simon. 

Other times Simon would sit on the bed and gaze at you in awe (homeboy is WHIPPEDD) “Yes Simon?” you groaned at the pain in your arms “Nothing baby doll, continue on” he smiled “Right…FUCK!” the rubberband that you’ve been finagling with popped “baby what's wrong?” he practically teleports to your side. “The stupid rubber band popped ugh” you fume with frustration. “It’s okay honey..here let me help” Simon offers as he puts your hair into a ponytail. “Is this good?” “This is more than good..thank you baby” you sigh with relief. 

To add to that thought, Simon is a big helper!!! Wash days once took 4 hours but now it took 2 hours thanks to the extra help. Like imagine you both in the shower getting clean and you both take turns washing each other's hair??  SO CUTE “Baby you know I can do this myself” Your eyes roll to the back of your skull with please as Simon scratches at the right places “I know but I want to help you. I enjoy it as much as you do” he snorts as the water cascades from the showerhead onto you both. 

OH YEA, you definitely caught him watching those ‘how to care for kinky hair’ videos sometimes, you find it admirable that he would take the time to educate himself apart from what you tell him. “Wanna help out more” he kisses you with devotion because let's be real HE WHORESHIPS THE GROUND YOU WALK ONNNN. 

Before you, he didn’t know the first thing about protective styles, different hair products for your hair, how to wrap it at night but now that hes with you, he understands and for you guys anniversary he surprised you with a heap of gifts BUT ALSO surprised you by braiding your hair for you. Who needs a hair salon when you have one built into your partner (huge money saver LMAOO) 

In conclusion, I think Simon Riley would be OBSESSED with your hair whether it be in braids, out and about, or straight. “You look good in everything, hell you could be bald. I’d still love you the same” he’d grin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author note- i love this? Hello? 10/10 crumbs and the table are GONE. i love simon but i am a rudy girl what can i say IMMA WRITE FOR HIM NEXT WATCHHHH but yea its good for me to get back into my groove. Glad to be back pookies be safe wherever you are!! Bye now!!

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

Hellooo!

Anon 🦷 here and I’d like to request a ticci toby x clumsy male reader! And by clumsy I don’t mean in a pick-me or cute kinda way, I mean literally bumping into everything and tripping over everything…also dropping stuff a lot

THANK YOUUU

Summary: Ticci Toby with a clumsy male reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None

A/n: being clumsy isnt quirky guys.....the bruises, THE BRUISES

Credits: Ticci Toby- Creepypasta, Divider- saradika-graphics, Picture: Pinterest

Ticci Toby x Clumsy!Male!Reader

Toby finds your clumsiness cute, even though you hate it

He doesn't like seeing you get all frustrated, but if you are then he can come cheer you up!

And he will absolutely take any chance to kiss your face and hug you

So as he watches you accidentally bump into the railing of the stairs and drop all the papers you'd been carrying, he can't help but giggle

This is what, the third time in today alone that you've dropped that exact same pile of papers?

You are quickly growing frustrated, so as you bend down to pick up the papers, you grumble a "I don't know what's so funny"

He comes to help you, grabbing the ones you've collected out of your hands and collecting the rest himself "Would it be better if I carried it?"

You stand and sigh, you are more than capable of doing it yourself, but this IS the third time...

Once he stands up as well, he comes to rub his nose against yours briefly, before going to put the papers up

I think the first time he saw your bruises from all of the bumping and falling over things, he would've been worried

You'd only known each other for under 4 months, so he knew you were clumsy, but didn't know how clumsy

So when he sees them he def panics

Did someone hurt you? Did you hurt yourself? Did you fall?

Yes to all of the above, kind of

"I know it's none of my business, but are you ok? I just saw all the bruises and i thought...." He asks

You raise a brow before laughing "Don't worry, tobes. I'm just a klutz is all"

His brows furrow, and he decides to take you at your word, because even if this was just an excuse, he takes it to mean you don't wanna talk about it

But as time goes on, he comes to realize that it definetly wasn't an excuse

Bro really is just a klutz

Even though he does find you being clumsy like this cute at times, he of course still worries

For example, if you were to trip over a rug, he'd come to your side and ask if you're ok, before showering you in kisses and giggling at you

He loves to tease you by saying he's gonna glue you to his side, that way you don't fall over anything

He thinks its super lovey-dovey putting band aids on your scraped skin

Giving you an act of care so centered around one of your quirks is just so cute to him

He will of course, give the area a kiss once he's done <3

"I'm not a little kid, you don't have to kiss it" You say with a laugh as he finishes kissing your knee

He leans back up to press a peck to your lips instead, completely ignoring your comment

"Hold on, we have to cuddle to make it better too"

Also, if you are someone who swears when they get hurt, he will 100% start a swear jar

[t0ast-ghost]

Star Trek II: Wrath Of Khan thoughts:

For this post if I could simply embed the entire movie and just write the word, ‘queer’ I would. Unfortunately you are all stuck with this, happy pride month!

Spoilers for the entire movie will be featured in this post

Going forth:

- I know what the kobayashi maru is so I know they’re not in danger but that’s some good acting Bones

- “‘Physician heal thyself.’” “Is that all you’ve got to say? What about my performance?” “I’m not a drama critic.” Thinking about this pose thinking about this pose thinking about thi-

- “Galloping around the cosmos is a game for the young, Doctor.” He’s feeling something and projecting

- “Aren’t you dead?” That’s certainly a way to greet your husband

- They’re so cute. And sad. And cute.

- tiny guys hehe. The boots got sluttier somehow

- McCoy got him glasses cause he can’t read the book without it and bring up that post that’s saying how Spock and McCoy’s gifts go together but McCoy got the logical thing and Spock got the emotional one

- Don’t quote me on this but the things I would do to that man… I wouldn’t.. but holy shit that outfit is killing me.

- hi checkov

- Carol Marcus? Doesn’t she have Kirk’s-? okay then I won’t spoil that just yet

- Creature in a jar moving under the sand

- BOTANY BAY????? Oh wait a sec I should’ve seen that coming it’s called wrath of khan

- Did they kill Chekov?

- hello Khan. That’s a very long and dramatic reveal he’s kinda hot tho

- Thinking about genetic engineering and augmentation and how they’re illegal but star trek presents cases where people now exist and it’s not the fault of the person that they are what they are so they have to question if an entire person should be illegal because of the actions of others… anyway I don’t wanna get deep into this right now, back to the movie

- Are they going to kill Chekov? (edit: not sure why I’m so fixated on thinking they’re gonna)

- WOW THAT IS CERTAINLY A SWEAT DROP

- brain worms… this sounds recently familiar

- HES READING HIS BOOK WITH THE GLASSES THEY DIDNT NEED TO SHOW HIM DOING THAT BUT THEY DID AND ITS ADORABLE OMG

- The conversation between Savik and Spock is so precious. And it’s in Vulcan. And she says “He’s more human than I expected” and it’s like that’s her commenting on Spock’s husband

- Kirk does not want to do this inspection

- McCoy does a little bounce

- “For everything there is a first time. Wouldn’t you agree, admiral” “mmhhmm” “Would you like a tranquilizer?” *Kirk shakes his head*

- I think this one has a more solid plot. I’m enjoying so far :)

- Does McCoy serve on this ship or is he just following along?

- (Had to stop watching around here because I left for the weekend so these thoughts are potentially a bit different)

- wowah! Cool ship!

- uh oh. Chekov on the monitor with the brain worm!

- khan is kinda- yeahh

- I LOVE SAAVIK! RAHHH! Also apparently Saavik is canonically half Vulcan half Romulan according to the trivia

- I like how Bones is just there :)

- Putting Spock in black… they knew what they were doing

- They’re husbands your honour. Spock knows Kirk wants to take command and isn’t to proud to get in the way of making his wife happy

- “You are my superior officer. You are also my friend. I have been and always shall be yours.” Kissing would have been less romantic

- George Takei’s voice is majestic

- “He tasks me. He tasks me and I shall have him. I’ll chase him round the moons of Nibia and round the Antares maelstrom and round perdition’s flames before I give him up.” Not obsessive at all.. nope this is something completely and totally normal to say about your nemesis

- “Uhura, have Doctor McCoy join us (Kirk and Spock) in my quarters.” Hmmmmm.. gotta inform the whole polycule about the shady government experiment

- lmao BOTH Spock and McCoy know who Carol Marcus is

- oh so terraforming… NEVERMIND REALLY FAST TERRAFORMING

- “Really, Dr. McCoy, you must learn to govern your passions. They will be your undoing.” Flirting, gentlemen?

- How and why does Starfleet continually put Spock and McCoy together? Like this alert would be sent out 24/7

- Spock and his awesome daughter Saavik

- falling

- Kirk with the breast flap down

- such a good moment… such a great moment (sorry for shitty photos)

- Kirk has to put on his little glasses <3

- Kirk does NOT fuck around

- Poor Scotty. He’s got so much emotion about his dead crew mate and the doctor apologizing to him 🥺🥺🥺

- Saavik making up rules to make sure the admiral is safe. Love her.

- “Jim, be careful.” “We will.” MCCOY IS SO BITTER. Like ‘no wishes of luck for me, Spock? Fuck you!’

- The collar on that uniform is silly

- hehe McCoy got scared by a rat. OH HE ALSO GOT SCARED BY A DEAD BODY

- Kirk’s little disappointed “oh my god” as he finds Chekov in the cupboard

- “Suppose they went nowhere.” “Then this’ll be your big chance to get away from it all.” McCoy’s not leaving Kirk, but he still looks like he wants to strangle him sometimes

- Kirk not afraid to punch a bitch

- WAIT THATS KIRKS SON?!? Isn’t it?? I thought David was Carol’s brother. But nope!

- aww dammnit I knew they were still mind controlled :/

- Saavik saving David. Y’know it would be pretty cool if there was something about Saavik, David, and Johanna meeting and maybe serving on a ship of their own.. idk just thoughts.

- ewwww brain worm.

- OH THE ECHOING “KHANNN”

- mmmm Kirk without the jacket. The white turtleneck with sleeves… also McCoy and Saavik are slaying with their turquoise and orange turtlenecks

- “Food the first order of survival.” I bet the fanfic writers had a field day with this one (cause cause it’s a reference to Tarsus IV)

- Imagine this: you’re stuck underground with your husband, your other husbands adopted daughter, your ex, her son (who’s also your son), and your old Russian navigator who’s unconscious and tried to kill you while being mind controlled by a worm which came out of his ear

- David’s got Kirk’s curls <333

- Kirk has a thing for people who look good in blue. Change my damn mind.

- “I don’t believe in a no win scenario.” He immediately calls Spock afterwards cause he’ll never lose with his husbands around

- “You lied.” “I exaggerated.” Yep, he IS that bitch

- Saavik is learning so much from them

- They still just.. let anyone onto the bridge. Like David is just there now

- oh no Scotty! Well McCoy was miraculously there to catch him

- CHEKOV BACK ON THE BRIDGE!

- Once again. Kirk does not fuck around! He just killed those guys

- “To the last I will grapple with thee.” WOW. Okay. Well.

- Khan’s about to terraform this bitch

- McCoy stopping Spock from going into the chamber..

- “You’re not going in there!” “Perhaps you’re right. What is Mr. Scott’s condition?” SIKE BITCH SPOCK JUST FUCKING NERVE PINCHED HIM. McCoy you should’ve been tipped off by the fact he 1. Said you were right and 2. Gave up trying to self sacrifice so easily

- wait why’d Spock connect to McCoy’s psi points and say remember? Remember what?

- I like there’s just a sign that flashes the word ‘radiation’ in red letters

- McCoy and Scotty BEGGING Spock not to do this. Break my fucking heart why don’t you?

- Kirk’s little run to the engine room <3

- I know he’s dying but those boots are so slutty

- Solely watching Kirk’s face is already like watching 10 puppies get killed

- “Don’t grieve, admiral.” Has me crying already. Your closest and longest friend is watching your slow descent into death and you ask him not to grieve you. You want him to know your death meant something. It meant he’d be safe and that is nothing to grieve. I’m going to be sick

- don’t touch me I’m thinking about this

- SAAVIK IS CRYING OMG GIRL ME TOO

- Kirk’s voice breaking.. god. Shatter my fucking heart why don’t you?

- if they play bagpipes at my funeral I’m rising from the dead (violins would be nice though)

- NOO HIS CUTE LITTLE GLASSES BROKE

- “They’re just words.” “But good words. That’s where ideas begin. Maybe you should listen to them.” POP OFF DAVID ! Good line

- SON REVEAL! NOT CLICKBAIT

- There’s 8 minutes left of this. Did they leave this one with Spock dead?

- “He’s really not dead, as long as we remember him.” Good words McCoy. But perhaps maybe you might have some.. assistance remembering him?

- got distracted and drew Kirk but I love the last little Spock narration. Really brave to end a WHOLE MOVIE with one of the best most well known characters being dead

Well that movie did have its pros and… khans

…

See you next time

Masterpost

[bitchimasnake-sss]

iconic (random) quotes as the strawhat crew + shanks, ace!

luffy:

- if you didn't wanna get assimilated into my found family, you should have killed me when you had the fucking chance - i dont have sex cause it serves no narrative purpose to me - (flirting) you look so biteable today - the fact that i am constantly saying weird and unpleasant things is just part of my charm

zoro:

- he's probably texting so many girls sweet things. stand out. tell him you're gonna stab him. - got caught giving a fuck. embarrassing. - *clearly covered in blood and guts but trying to act normal* ok. maybe i did awaken my inner beast. so what. fuck u guys - dont care, didnt ask, plus my boobs jiggle when i walk

sanji:

- talking stage? baby just move in we can talk at home - hes NOT just some guy, hes my girlfriend - how is "pretty boy" an isult?? yes, i am the prettiest boy in town, call me a pretty boy - "what if your gf was wrong?" i'd reshape reality to make it right.

shanks:

- i knew i was gonna be a good daddy at the ripe age of fifteen - if i had a lame ass boyfriend i would hype him up so much. i'd make him wait outside as i go in first and and be like get ready here comes the most specialest boy ever if you dont cheer and clap for him ill blow this whole building up (talking about buggy) - bro your relationship with your friend is borderline homosexual and i think thats beautiful

ace:

- "i can fix him" good for you, i joined him in his insanity - (gripping the bathroom sink, knuckle turning white) but i stay silly :3 i stay silly :3 i stay silly :3 i sta - *gets caught pickpocketing cause i keep saying "yoink" out loud when i do it* - everyday i have to wake up and carry on being a little babygirl

nami:

- i am so happy for you and your ugly fucking boyfriend, im serious - if i had a boyfriend i'd trap him in a glass jar and shake him around - puts cocaine in my lip gloss so when she kisses me she thinks im god - you let a blonde man speak to you like that????

ussop:

-you can't "im just a little guy" out of this one cunt - i could never abuse substances, i love substances - you'd be amazed about the amount of times ive fucked around without finding one single thing

chopper:

- girls be like "i love animals!!" and hate themselves....... like you're an animal girl <3 peace on planet earht - if you look really closely i have this "fear meter" floating next to me that goes up whenever anything - being six feet tall seems excessive

[rockwgooglyeyes]

rock's thoughts on ivantill (nsfw edition)

trigger/content warning: open and uncensored discussion of nsfw content (smut specifically) I'm not tagging this as mature and leaving it up to the reader's discretion whether or not they're able to handle this. I'm not incredibly explicit but I am talking about something inherently nsfw.

the thing about nsfw is that, when it comes to fandom, it often is based less on the characters themselves and more on whatever the fans want to see. I say this about fandom in general, btw, not ALNST in particular- in my experience with nsfw (fanfic anyways) in fandom, is that a lot of it comes down to writer preference rather than the actual characters themselves. It's literally playing with dolls and this isn't necessarily a bad thing! It's pretty much what fan content is for, right? It's just something that doesn't sit super well with me and it's something I don't really understand- if you want to make a specific dynamic, why not just make ocs that can similar or the same personalities as the characters that you enjoy and yet their dynamic fits with what you want.

Like overall when it comes to my opinions (and these are opinions, preferences if you will), I might as well be up front- when it comes to the ships that are common in the ALNST fandom, I think that while mizisua and hyunamizi definitely switch, out of mizisua? Sua is the top imo. on the other hand, I think that it would be a lot more interesting if either hyunamizi were switch-centric or Mizi topped, just because of what that would say about her relationship growth as well as her character growth. With hyunaluka (which is not a ship that I enjoy but I respect those that do obviously) I think Hyuna tops mostly. With ivantill, I see Ivan as a bottom and Till as the top. Sometimes they switch, no one is exclusively one or the other- and I am fully in support of them being switches because I believe most relationships are fluid and have the inherent capacity for switching, top/bottom is about preference but I do think it's rare. I don't know, smut can be part of the relationship to me and the dynamic when it comes to sexual encounters is important to me with a couple.

I don't know, maybe it's because I'm one of those people where my headcanons have to be related to the text somehow (and I don't say this in a way that's derogatory to people who don't have that- honestly I kind of admire you guys, it seems freeing. I'm just extremely autistic about this) but idk the way people intrepret Ivan in the ALNST fandom is super interesting. This is mainly going to be talking about ivantill because to be perfectly honest, I think people are weirder about mlm ships than they are about wlw ships, when it comes to their characterization? But I haven't read as much wlw nsfw so I can't fully speak to this. But when it comes to Ivantill, I have found some people who's opinions I love. Some people I agree with even if I don't agree with everything. But then there are some folks that are so out there like I wanna study you guys underneath a microscope y'all are so peculiar. yeah yeah he's King Yaoi the Third, he's tall dark and handsome, whatever. he's a little freak, I want to put him in a jar and shake him up, I understand, but at the same time sometimes the reading comprehension with people seems not so bueno.

In the fandom overall, (not just on tumblr dot com) people like him as top and I think that, to a degree, that is supported by the text. At least, some of the additional art from Vivinos/Qmeng, that’s supported

(^ the amount of horny comments on this image *sighs*)

But for me? I don’t like that as much (even though I’ve read some fanfic with it that I liked just fine.)

This is because of the way that this interpretation of their relationship feeds into that surface level analysis of both Ivan and Till's character? Ivan is the violently jealous lover, the one who watches from afar and seethes with envy, he’s the unfeeling pretty boy who only loves one person, he’s willing to do whatever it takes to keep that person. Till is the tsundere, the person who plays at strength but weakens at the first touch of someone stronger, easily flustered and even easier to cow into submission- but the thing is? We know that's not true for either of them, it's not supported by their backgrounds, their other actions, the context of their trauma. which makes that characterization super funny (to me) when this series is kind of about peeling back the edges of outward perception, with Mizi, Ivan, Luka and Hyuna especially.

While top/bottom isn't necessarily a power dynamic, when in the context of certain relationships, it can definitely take on the connotations of power. In Ivan and Till's relationship, the person who has the power is Till.

Out of the two of them, Ivan is not the person with the power and that's honestly the main issue that I have with the way that people portray him. In the top Ivan fics that I actually like, he's not the one with the power, he is only where he is because Till wanted them to get this far, he is at Till's mercy and he's loving it. The issue I take with those who portray him as domineering and controlling is that he doesn't try to control Till in canon. He might have concocted the incident with the wagyein and Mizi but after that? Ivan isn't trying to force Till into anything, he isn't controlling the situation, he isn't even trying to get Till to do anything but react. Ivan would do anything that Till wanted him to, no questions asked. For those who take the possessive angle with Ivan, the problem I have is that Ivan has no desire to own Till. He's obsessed with Till, yeah, but it's in the way that you love your favorite band- you love them to bits, you listen to all of their songs, you go to a concert, you have their merch- but you would still respect their choices, right? You would be disappointed if they decided to break up but you wouldn't force them to get back together. That's the difference between Ivan's obsession and Luka's- Luka thinks that he deserves Hyuna's affection in exchange for loving her (it's transactional), whereas Ivan is under no illusion that he is entitled to Till's affections.

On the flipside, when Till is portrayed as the tsundere who cares but refuses to show it because of his pride, well, that one's a little tougher because the main problem is execution. Till does really care about people but his affection isn't shown out of a matter of pride- he shows his affection for Mizi quite freely, after all, if he was really worried about vulnerability, I feel like he might be a little more conservative with his adoration. Often times, he doesn't show his care for people clearly because he doesn't really know how, defaulting to blushing and stuttering, gifts and acts of service to get his point across. He's not a super verbal-affection oriented guy and I think this is actually portrayed pretty well in the gen fics but not so much in smut because it's not as applicable lmao (comes with the territory ig). When Till is written as really timid, fumbling, innocent (@bluemoonscape called it woobifying), I hate that with a passion because he might fumble and he might get shy sometimes but he is not a pushover. He is not meek and if he doesn't like something, he'll voice his complaints, he'll let you know. I mean why else would he yell at Ivan in their version of My Clematis when Ivan gets too close? Admittedly, Ivan doesn't listen, lost in his monologue, and Till kind of just accepts it- but I am certain that if they were even intimate with each other, that Till would object were he uncomfortable and Ivan would listen. Like, whether Ivan was top or bottom, if Till's not having a good time? Ivan is no longer having a good time. Ivan's pleasure is very much contingent on Till's pleasure, at least, in my mind.

That's all the characterization centered stuff and kind of the reason why I think their relationship just works better with this dynamic *but* one of the biggest reasons it's a preference for me that Ivan bottoms is because of the inherent nature of that dynamic- it's a lot harder to end up fucking someone unwillingly than it is to get fucked by someone. There's a far greater likelihood of reciprocated feelings or at least, consent, when it comes to this version of their relationship and that's what I prefer because I really do think that they love each other.

(tagging @atrophiedemotion because I asked him if he wanted to be and he said yes! Blue is already tagged above too so all of the known interested parties have been notified :D love you guys)

[astonmartinii]

match my freak | yuki tsunoda social media au

pairing: yuki tsunoda x fem rugby player reader

there's only one person who can match the yuki tsunoda radio freak...

MAIN MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

.・゜゜・ part of the aston martini summer olympics ・゜゜・．

yukitsunoda0511

liked by pierregasly, danielricciardo and 384,098 others

tagged: yourusername

yukitsunoda0511: spa was fine i guess, time to spend my summer break in france (ew) supporting the love of my life (yay)

view all comments

user1: 'fine i guess' as if we didn't get YOINTS

user2: tbf if my gf looked like that, points also wouldn't matter to me

pierregasly: FRANCE (EW)??? DID OUR HOMOEROTIC TENSION MEAN NOTHING???

yukitsunoda0511: oh so when i diss france we had homoerotic tension but when i said we were boyfriends i went too far 🤨

pierregasly: diss me all you want but not the homeland?

yukitsunoda0511: fine, i will from 5pm tomorrow

pierregasly: ???

yukitsunoda0511: because y/n will be there and therefore it will be the ONLY country in existence

pierregasly: i give up

user3: i need a man this down bad for me asap

user4: maybe it's time to lower my height requirements :(

yourusername: it's not how tall you are but how you are tall

user5: idk what the fuck that means

yourusername: IT MEANS SHORT KINGS PUT IN A LOT OF EFFORT WHY DO I HAVE TO SPELL OUT EVERYTHING? WHERE IS THE MEDIA LITERACY? THE READ COMPREHENSION?

user6: okay i think i now know ^^ why y/n and yuki are so good together

user7: i need someone to edit together their most iconic on field and radio moments together please for my mental health

yourusername: that's a crazy coincidence because the love of MY life will also be in paris 🤨

yukitsunoda0511: well i bet i love my love of my life more than you love your love of your life

yourusername: NUH UH

yukitsunoda0511: yep :PPPPPPP

yourusername: u wanna fight?

yukitsunoda0511: yes actually!

yourusername: well soz babe i can't get all hot and bothered before competing 🤷‍♀️

yukitsunoda0511: BORING

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, pierregasly and 318,905 others

tagged: yukitsunoda

yourusername: seeing yuki again: 10/10 ... realising he's not allowed in the olympic village and there's only cardboard beds anyway -100,000/10

view all comments

user12: so i suddenly understand why they give out so many condoms at the olympics

user13: why do they all go so feral?

yourusername: have you seen my man?

yourusername: AND THAT'S A RHETORICAL QUESTION TO SHOW OFF MY HANDSOME LITTLE MAN NOT AN INVITATION FOR YOU BITCHES TO THIRST

user14: noted 😔

pierregasly: i'm the one with a bad digital footprint but you're out here being just as horny as me on main

yourusername: i am allowed to ?

pierregasly: and i'm not allowed to?

yourusername: no

pierregasly: so fuck me i guess?

yourusername: let me be a woman in a male dominated field (being gross online)

yukitsunoda0511: yeah pierre stop trying to minimise womens' voices

pierregasly: how am i the bad guy again?

yourusername: man ❤️

pierregasly: yuki is a man?

yourusername: he's MY man which means he's been closely vetted and is basically one of the girls now

user14: i know visa cashapp rb or whatever the fuck they're called hate to see them coming

user15: it's the fact she's taller than most of the mechanics and she is always watching over them

yukitsunoda0511: i missed you so much but i can't wait to watch you beat the shit out of the competition

yourusername: for you, anything

yukitsunoda0511: a gold? so at least one of us can be world champion 🥺

yourusername: i'll win gold for you and then schedule in a friendly visit to see helmut

yukitsunoda0511: i think your mere presence could give him a heart attack

yourusername: oh well

user16: so real of her

olympics

liked by yukitsunoda0511, landonorris and 1,209,678 others

tagged: newzealandrubgy

olympics: the women's rugby final saw gold go home to new zealand!

view all comments

user17: okay yuki i am SEEING THE VISION

user18: i watched this game to see her and i am a changed woman

user19: i am no better than a man

danielricciardo: my personal favourite moment was when y/n clotheslined that poor girl, laughed in her face and said if she tried to get past her again she'd make trinket dishes out of her knee caps

yourusername: why thank you, i think my wit is my least appreciated part of my game

danielricciardo: i think we should honestly get you in the commentary box

yourusername: i'd make mince meat of crofty, he'd never say anything about yuki's radios again

danielricciardo: can you tell them to stop telling me to retire while you're at it?

yourusername: sure, i'm feeling generous

danielricciardo: a gold medal will do that to you

user20: so they weren't joking when they said that her and yuki are just the same person in different fonts ?

user21: my commentary team apologised about 20 times for her swearing on the broadcast but then they kept bursting out laughing whenever she said anything

yukitsunoda0511: HOLY FUCKING SHIT

yukitsunoda0511: GOAT GOAT GOAT MY GIRLFRIEND IS THE GOAT

yukitsunoda0511: i'm so proud, i love you y/n 🫶🏻🥹❤️‍🩹

yourusername: i love you too boo

yukitsunoda0511: can they let me in the room now? i'm getting withdrawal symptoms :(

yourusername: of course, i can't celebrate properly without you

yukitsunoda0511: 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

user22: picturing yuki waiting outside the team room is so cute

user23: the nz team instagram posted a pic of it on their story he had flowers and balloons (∩˃o˂∩)♡

yukitsunoda0511

liked by pierregasly, maxverstappen1 and 893,401 others

tagged: yourusername

yukitsunoda0511: she matches my freak :)

view all comments

user25: oh believe me we know

user26: i'm like a confusing mix of scared AND turned on

yukitsunoda0511: you keep that to yourself

user27: okay sir 🤨

yukitsunoda0511: you can look but you can't touch :P

yukitsunoda0511: actually don't even look

yukitsunoda0511: don't even think about her ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡)

user28: this man is insane, i love him

yourusername: you LIKE HIM YOU APPRECIATE HIM FROM AFAR YOU MAYBE HAVE A PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP YOU DON'T LOVE HIM THAT'S FOR ME AND ME ONLY

user29: oh they weren't joking about matching each other's freaks

yourusername: there's no one else i'd like to be a lil gremlin with :3

yukitsunoda0511: gremlins forever with you <3

yourusername: sounds like paradise to me !!

yukitsunoda0511: i'm on it ✍🏻

user30: is he going to propose ???

user31: hopefully (ㅅ •᷄ ₃•᷅ )

pierregasly: yeah i guess you guys are kinda cute

yukitsunoda0511: kINDA?

yourusername: i know this man ain't speaking on us

yourusername: kika is the face economy in that relationship

yourusername: her back must hurt from carrying the style in this couple

francisca.cgomez: well 🥹

pierregasly: WHAT ? HOW ?

yukitsunoda0511: don't call my girlfriend kinda cute then 🤨

user32: good lord

fin.

note: she's back !!!!!

[withacapitalp]

Cocaine Bear AU

BLAME THE SERVER DO NOT BLAME ME

Part Two

“Steeeeeeeve, why are you forcing us to do this?” Dustin groaned, letting his head droop down against his chest as they continued to plod through the woods. 

“Because you guys can’t just sit in my living room every day playing Dragons and Danger with all the curtains drawn,” Steve replied cheerfully, not losing the spring in his step despite the fact that all seven of the kids following him were giving him the evil eye. 

“You know what it’s called. Besides, we don't sit in your living room every day,” Mike complained. 

“Yeah, sometimes we sit by the pool!” El tacked on, adjusting the straps of her bag as she spoke. 

Steve rolled his eyes, shaking his head with a far too fond smile. He turned so he was facing his charges, putting his hands on his hips as he raised a brow. 

“We agreed that you guys would spend one afternoon a week getting fresh air as long as I agreed to babysit you this summer,” He reminded them, quickly checking to make sure they were actually just bellyaching. They looked annoyed and sweaty, but none of them were breathing too hard, and their cheeks were flushed, not pale. 

No heat exhaustion, just lazy fourteen-fifteen year olds who wanted to hide in the house all day long. 

“We only agreed to that because we figured you would forget,” Max muttered, continuing to carefully pick her way over the rocks along the trail, “Or you would be too busy,”

“Since when am I ever too busy for my favorite brats?” Steve asked rhetorically, flipping Dustin’s cap off as the teen walked past him. Dustin growled at him and waved a hand somewhere in Steve’s direction. 

Truthfully, Steve had been too busy for them the past few months. Between starting his community college courses, keeping both of his part time jobs, and continuing his training as a paramedic, he had barely had time to sleep, much less entertain a bunch of high schoolers. 

But now that all of their classes were on break, it was the perfect time to catch up and show them that he meant to keep his promises to them. It was going to be a good summer. Starting with this hike. 

He had it all planned out. They would go up to the peak of blood mountain, eat some lunch, and he would take them for ice cream in town afterward as a reward for sticking it out. It wasn’t exactly a beginner’s trek, but the kids were tougher than they looked. They could handle it. 

“How about this- the first one to get over the crest of the next hill gets to take the beemer for a spin around the parking lot of the school tonight?” Steve offered. 

Instantly all of their previous annoyance vanished. Quick as a flash Erica kicked her brother’s shin, taking out her biggest competitor, and they all began to scramble away from Steve and towards the hill. Lucas hung back rubbing the spot on his leg that she had hit. 

“Son of a-”

“Unless you wanna put a dollar in the jar when we get back you’ll stop that sentence right where it is,” Steve said in a warning tone. Lucas pouted from where he was kneeling, screwing his face into a scowl. Steve contemplated for a second before offering up a hand and a compromise.

“I’ll let you practice tomorrow after basketball practice when it’s just us,” Steve said, breaking into a smile as Lucas grinned up at him and eagerly accepted Steve’s hand. They walked up the rest of the hill together, listening to the others screaming at each other from the other side. 

Steve opened his mouth to tell them to knock it off- he was going to give them each a little bit of driving time if they wanted it- but he was cut off when a body barreled into his stomach. Steve’s arms came up to wrap around the other person automatically, catching Will in a hug as he buried his face into Steve’s chest. 

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, his heart hammering in his chest as Will didn’t answer, just continued to hang onto Steve in a death grip. 

“What happened?!” He asked the rest as they ran over, still screaming. It was hard enough for him to pick up sounds when it was just one of them, but when they all talked over each other, it was nearly impossible to pick up words inside the wall of sound. But what he did hear made his entire body break out in chills. 

Blood. Hanging. Body. 

“Max,” Steve barked, choosing the kid who was most likely to keep calm and still talk when under this much stress. She understood immediately and shouted to get the others quiet.

“There’s a body in a tree,” She said, looking painfully terrified, “He’s hanging from a bunch of wires? And it’s like, totally bloody.” 

“Mike, El, take Will,” Steve ordered, unlatching the boy from his middle and placing him in between his twin and his best friend. 

The three of them collapsed to the ground in a huddle, muffled sobs coming from the boy in the middle as the other two began to comfort him. Steve’s heart went out to Will, but as much as he wanted to stay right where he was and take care of Will, he knew someone else needed him more right now. 

“The rest of you stay right where you are,” He snapped, hurrying away as his mind slipped into EMT mode. If the person was still alive, they needed triage as soon as possible. 

If they weren’t alive…well he didn’t want his kids to have to see that again. 

“We can help,” Dustin started to say, but Steve cut that idea right off. 

“Stay here!” He yelled over his shoulder, knowing that he only had a few minutes before they inevitably ignored his orders and came over anyway. 

The sight on the other side of the hill was gruesome, to say the least. There was a pretty clearing at the bottom, soft tall grass dotted with wildflowers, but it was marred by splatters of dark red blood all over the place, and the body swaying in the wind. 

He was hanging by a…a parachute? 

Steve’s sneakers kicked up dust as he ran the rest of the way, shoving two fingers against the guy’s neck. A pulse. Thready, and too fast, but there. 

Steve let out an unconscious sigh, looking at the man’s face. His eyes were shut, and his skin was pale, but he was still breathing, and that was a good sign. There was a nasty cut along his arm, and his shirt was ripped in multiple places, but nothing appeared broken as far as Steve could see. There was no way to know about any potential internal damage, but Steve could figure that out after he got him out of the tree. 

And the guy was kind of cute. That wasn’t as important, but his brain filed that away anyway. 

“Is he dead?” A quiet voice came from behind him. 

Steve whirled around to see all of the kids staring at him with wide eyes. 

He had a couple of choices here. He could send them back the way they had come and ask them to flag someone down to call the police. He could take them back himself and leave the guy alone, hoping that nothing happened to him, or he could do the thing that made the most sense, even though it was the most daunting. 

“Not yet,” Steve said, making a decision, “Dustin, give me your knife. Let’s get him down and back to my place.”