#high masking

[adhbabey]

High masking doesn't mean low support, its like "if I don't do this, I'll literally die" sort of survival mechanism. I need support, I've always needed someone to be there to help me. But I don't know how it doesn't fucking terrify people.

I've always been understanding towards other's feelings on their own support needs, but for mine? I can't trust anyone, let alone rely on anyone who I can't trust. I've always felt paranoid towards school aids and those who I feel like would do me harm if I stepped out of line.

So even if I wasn't masking all the time, I felt as if I stepped into the spotlight and acknowledged my own issues, I'd become a sacrifice and not a person, that I'm a doll and not a human.

And maybe that's easier for others to deal with, that they can acknowledge they need support without feeling belittled or scared. But high masking has never meant low support, it means that I feel like I'm going to die if I don't pretend that I'm okay.

[zebulontheplanet]

I want people to understand. Being visibly autistic, being low masking, it isn’t fun.

I want people to understand this before they go on their unmasking journey. I want people to understand this before they start “acting more autistic”. I want people to understand this. It isn’t fun. It isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. I understand completely that I live in a more unaccepting area, but this is the reality for many people who are visibly autistic everywhere!

It isn’t fun. We get yelled at, called slurs, stared at, infantilized, talked over, ignored, etc etc. it isn’t fun. It HURTS.

Please please, if youre masking then realize your privilege, it’s a HARD privilege to have. I get that. It’s hard to mask, it’s hard to be passed as NT, it’s HARD. But it’s also hard to be visibly autistic. It’s so so hard. 

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autism in Girls

Mrs Speechie P

[river-from-alderaan]

being autistic in a world made for allistics kinda feels like being in the backseat of a car desperately trying to be a part of the front seat conversation

[localratwithcowboyhat]

When you spend years making stradegies and masking you autism only to be so good at it that the autism doctor doesn’t see enough autistic traits to diagnose you

#slaying

[idontwearscarletwell]

On Autistic Loneliness:

So, vampires & autism are my special interests. I find many, many links between the two. Anne Rice's vampires describe the vampiric sense of loneliness as something unfathomable. Nauseating, all-consuming. Sometimes, I feel like the autism sense of loneliness is the same. Like a vampire, I feel like there is this layer of plexiglass between myself and every single person in my life.

I've been thinking about this in terms of dating. I've never had luck, and it's something that eats me alive. I don't think I'm supposed to be alone. But, I'm supposed to figure out how to manage. Sometimes, I feel like I'm trying to brainwash myself to become jaded, complete with the holding of my eyes open to watch the screen. I think about Plato's Origin of Love theory, (and the song from Hedwig & the Angry Inch. I have the face symbol tattooed) and how this sinking loneliness feels like acid eating away at the lining of my soul.

I'd love to hear what others have to say about it.

[lottiestudying]

there’s something so freeing about identity

acceptance.

i don’t punish myself for existing anymore.

i’ve accepted life and living, and that i will have to live

this life through, like this. as autistic.

so best make the trip to heaven a good one, i guess.

i hope everyone can have the validation of an ASD

diagnosis, who needs one.

to hear that doctor say “you have autism”.

to have that

f r e e d o m;

that validation.

that it gets better.

you’re free from hiding in two worlds now—no longer faking it in the real one, or trying to get into the neurodivergent one.

it doesn’t happen automatically, not suddenly,

it moves slow,

like the tides,

but you move with it.

you flow.

and your mind feels like yours, not someone’s head

you borrowed for a day.

and that’s beautiful.

—

post-ASD diagnosis musings.

it does get better.

[adhbabey]

Idk who needs to hear this but being high masking and high support needs is not mutually exclusive.

Im high masking but I still need a lot of support for those around me. Sure, I don't need help eating or using the bathroom, but I need help living and cooking and I can't drive. I need to rely on others to live, but I'm still high masking.

And there's plenty of people who are low masking and low support. They can deal with things more independently, but they can't hide their autism.

Can we start acknowledging this. It doesn't mean the same thing. High masking does not mean you're low support. And I wish someone told me this sooner.

[zebulontheplanet]

Just your reminder. Autism in woman CAN be different. They’re more often to be high masking. We know that.

That does not mean that “women autism” is a thing. Autism is autism

You’re erasing those who have higher support needs/low masking that are AFAB.

[that1notetaker]

Me, after 15 years of high masking: Lets go! Let's do this!! Autism, on! Me: Slowly becomes more in contact with my body, therefore with the pain I tend to internalize/brush away/ ignore. Me, burning upon contact: So is this normal or what :v

(for reference, I actually don't know if this is a normal experience, so if anyone relates or knows about this, it'd be great! Just drop down the comment section!)

[nixthemagicdragon]

"Just act like yourself" bitch I don't even know who I am. how bout I act like you and pretend like I have a clue what I'm doing instead.

[nodalstudies]

whereabouts of january 31, 2024 🕷️

• hung out with my friend and studied together. the time together was needed! def feel more grounded now 🥹 i also wrapped up my cardiovascular unit notes and i loved it so much.

insights/affirmations of the day:

• i have come so far! my journey can inspire others who are struggling/want to find themselves <3

• i am grateful to have healed from trauma on the levels of the body AND mind.

• it is my responsibility to use my discernment, wisdom, and discipline to love myself and others.

• i look back at my old self with compassion; i know i did my best with what i knew. all my inner work was worth it—all of my hardship led somewhere beautiful.

[sailor-cerise]

Do you find being around groups of other people "energizing"?

Or is it the adrenaline from hypervigilance and perception anxiety?

[t0mies-b0dy]

There's something so goddamn rewarding about being able to navigate grocery stores and errands like an adult instead of a mildly functioning neurodivergent like fuck yeah lookit me i'm a human person >:D its like bein a spy or smth and finally blending into the crowd.

And I don't mean to sound like an ableist ass while saying this, I'm a barely functioning neurodiv as well, and its still taking me a bit to admit that, to a degree, I have certain needs that neurotypical society doesn't really offer unless that neurodivergence is obvious. For people with invisible disabilities or high masking tendencies (like me, who didn't even grasp the concept of neurodivergence til I hit my 20s) it's a whole new challenge. Because on top of looking close to normal on the surface, you have people you go to about these sensory issues and get shit like "well try [neurotypical blanket solution here]!" and you do and its like fitting a screw with the wrong screwdriver, it just doesn't work that well.

It's when you find your own solutions to these issues (typically after months of trial and error) and see that ohmyfuckinggod this is what they were on about.

[itsanautiething]

Fml I am so tired. And I'm so frustrated that there is no end in sight. And I know some of it is on me because "I need to set and maintain boundaries" but:

I have debts and not getting on top of them will just add to my stress.

My parents are getting older and I don't want to regret time lost to "being selfish"

I have very few friends and those friends have been there for me more times than I can count. And I know for most people, it's not just enough that a person is grateful, friendships need to be reciprocal and I'm expected to "return the favour."

And because my life had been much, much messier in the past and I'm highly adept at masking (until I can't do it at all, of course), people think I'm okay enough to not only deal with my own shit, but do heavy mental and emotional lifting for them... but I'm barely holding together. And I mean BARELY. I feel like I'm on the verge of melting down at all times.

I really want to get off this vicious circle of bullshit so I CAN be there for others, but that's not the reality of life, especially not the reality of life for a high masking neurodivergent person who was diagnosed so late in life that no one will believe just how much support I actually require to meet my needs, let alone meet obligations and expectations created when trying to be a mature adult [neurotypical].

All that to say, I can understand why some people cut off all ties to everyone and everything to go live in a cabin or a cave somewhere away from it all.

[Pic of The Artful Dodger for cat tax... is that still a thing? If not, I'm starting a grassroots movement to bring it back.]

[dontkysur2sexy]

i’m not immature or bitchy, susan, i’m just autistic