#how much CBD to take

[biblicalhorror]

Thinking about one of the loser men I dated directly post-college who, after I showed them Dirty Computer [the emotion picture] by Janelle Monae, said they "prefer rap that has something to say"

[somecunttookmyurl]

possibly!

take a look at the list of "substrates" here under "ligands" (by no means exhaustive just some common ones)

if everything on there you've taken is either "doesn't fucking work" or "works a bit but i need more" or "works... ish but wears off really quickly???" then go with yes

you literally cannot know for certain without basically getting your genome sequenced (so you also can't know the extent of it. like. okay so the normal amount of copies to have is 2. any more than 2 is gonna make you metabolise quicker but this gets more apparent the more copies you have. obviously. the most i came across when reading studies was a guy who had thirteen)

all you can do is make a reasonably educated guess about it

welcome to the rabbithole

fwiw my physiotherapist told me that people with eds apparently metabolise things faster than other people, so your fast metabolisation of medications/caffeine/etc could be in part linked to that?

yes people with EDS (and other forms of chronic pain) are highly likely to have the abnormal liver enzyme thing

we don't really know *why* but it's just. a thing.

[julymusings]

Jason "California Sober" Todd who 100% smokes weed to take the edge off, per your suggestion. He tries it and it's such a game-changer. It feels like a cheat code. Constant soreness and/or chronic pain paired with PTSD— you know he's blazing it almost every night after he gets in from patrol. How else is he supposed to fall asleep? He sits out on the fire escape after stripping his armor and dressing any wounds, head leaned back against the brick wall and eyes closed with the blunt between his fingers. A pleasant numbing sensation flows through his body as his muscles loosen and the heaviness in his bones subsides. His mind clears of all unwanted thoughts and memories, the perpetual static in his head quieting enough for him to pass out for a solid 6-7 hours.

He does his research, familiarizing himself with the science. He knows Indica is better for winding down after a long night, and Sativa is helpful when he needs that extra push to get out of bed. (Both have their aphrodisiacal benefits too, he discovers, but he tries to focus his research on pain relief, no matter how much that subtopic intrigues him.) He tries several CBD oils until he finds the perfect concentration and strain blend for his muscle and joint pain. Oil massages become a staple of your routine. When the pain is too much, you lie him on his stomach in bed, straddling his hips as he makes a pillow with his arms. After warming the oil between your palms, you knead his shoulders and back, working out the knots and alleviating the tension. Multiple times he's fallen asleep mid-massage, something that is so sweet to you that you end the night with a kiss to his bare back, right between his shoulder blades, before draping a blanket over him and turning off the lights. Sometimes it takes all your weight channeled into one elbow to achieve adequate pressure, and he's gritting his teeth and squeezing the comforter as you press hard on his back, but the cooling effect of the oil matched with the sudden lightness of his muscles makes it all worth it for him.

(The squirming and high-pitched, breathy noises he tries so hard to suppress when you work your way down to his thighs make it all worth it for you, too.)

During a routine grocery trip, while he's busied with the spice racks, you wander further down the aisle when a specific row of boxes catches your eye— brownie mix. After doing the necessary research, you prepare the cannabis butter in advance, hoping to use it very soon. But with vigilante life getting in the way, it stays in the freezer for a few weeks before you finally find the time.

Cut to your next date night where you're rained in by classic Gotham weather, full on one of his home-cooked meals, and a little too excited by having him home with you tonight. You crack the eggs and stir in the powder and he watches over the butter on the stove, ensuring it doesn't exceed the temperature restriction while he melts it. You sit on the floor in front of the oven while the brownies bake, lightly massaging his stiff neck as you wait. They come out delicious, of course, and you spend the evening lazily making out in your relaxed high (clearly his research paid off) and ending the night in each other's arms where he has the best sleep of his life— they were so good you barely made it to the bed, just passing out on top of the covers. Unfortunately, as knocked out as you were, neither of you had the clarity to notice Steph and Tim climbing through the window in search of spare tactical gear and helping themselves to the leftovers on the counter. Suffice it to say, after a string of long, angry voicemails from Alfred about why his siblings came home giggly and spaced out with the urge to eat Bruce out of house and home, you and Jason decide it's best to stick to rolling up.

this idea came to me in honor of.....

yayyy!! ty LMFAOO

(pausing my hiatus for 5 minutes to post this before dropping off the grid again. my finals aren't done yet but i sure am.)

disclaimer this is not me telling you that weed will solve all your problems. idek anything about weed this is just stuff that came up upon a quick google search

[crippleprophet]

let me open by saying I Know How This Sounds (fem whose undergraduate chemistry professor recommended ze take turmeric to cure zyr arthritis, etc) so no hard feelings if you keep scrolling, but hopefully folks who know me know i'm speaking honestly about my experiences, even if those don't end up being the same for other people. so!

2 Tbsp of a common kitchen spice is doing as much or more to manage my ME/CFS as any of my meds or self-medicating drugs

@lakeeffectbitch outlines a way of trying this with a control in their reddit post (link); i just went directly to the one they thought might work so i'll put my experiences & the science/theory behind this under a cut for folks who want to avoid potential placebo effect :)

i'll get more specific about this in the "spoilers" but please be aware, especially folks with diabetes or other blood sugar conditions, that this substance may cause a blood sugar drop. it's less likely at this dose but probably keep a sugary snack on hand just in case

if you experience post-exertional malaise & want to try this but don't have spare money to spend on spices feel free to dm me & i'll see if i can help!

my experience:

i took 2 Tbsp ground sumac mixed with warm water on February 11. i tried taking it with a straw first because that's what my colonoscopy prep had said would make that go down easier but because the sumac particles were so big they didn't want to remain suspended & trying to get them in the straw was difficult, which then made it harder to swallow without, yknow, noticing that you're slurping down sediment

what worked better was getting the powder wet, putting a big clump of it on my tongue, then swallowing it with water like a pill

within about half an hour of taking the sumac it was like my fatigue just faded around me where i stood. it dissolved to the background & when i thought "oh i want to do this" or "i should do that" suddenly i found myself just doing it. i had spent the past week at least bedridden except for the bathroom, & though i took the sumac on a better day, i'd been planning to return to bed with a snack after taking it.

instead, i made myself lunch, and i sat on the couch to eat it. all of this was without taking an edible that day; usually i've gotta take at least 25mg delta 8 + 25mg cbd to even consider sitting on the couch. also, it was storming.

from my write-up the day of: "everything felt very sharp & clear & lucid." i washed the dishes from my lunch. all of these activities were about 2 hours, & at that point i emphatically needed a nap. waking up felt like after taking a muscle relaxer & sleeping: my muscles were more relaxed, & my whole body felt like it'd gotten a bit of a break

i've taken sumac at least 8 times since then on at least 5 different days (this time by modifying this sumac tart recipe to include a lot of sumac powder in the crust, which has been much more enjoyable than the Glass O' Sediment lmao) & adjusting for factors like weather, the effect has been comparable every time:

i watched Inception on the couch with my husband, & understood when she explained things to me

i watched leverage on the couch all day when it was below freezing

i worked a bit on fanfics i've barely been able to touch in a year

i "meal prepped" measuring spices, gathering ingredients, & soaking beans to make beans & rice in the instant pot later that day. i literally can't remember the last time i was able to use my instant pot, after thinking about it i think it was when i made palak paneer last summer, but that was a one-off special occasion thing, i've used it maybe 3 other times since developing ME

i wrote this post

the science:

okay a lot of this shit was over my head before i developed ME so i'm gonna be summarizing at my level lol, look to @lakeeffectbitch for a higher-level analysis

but what i do know! (all images from "The malic acid inhibiting inflammation in ankylosing spondylitis by interfering M1 macrophage polarization" by Ji et al., January 2025)

sumac contains high levels of malic acid, which is found in certain fruits (apples, peaches, etc)

the drugs.com page classifies malic acid as an inactive ingredient, so there are no known drug interactions

mice with ankylosing spondylitis had lower levels of peripheral malic acid than control mice

ID: bar graph showing mice with AS had about 0.03 micromoles per milliliter of peripheral malic acid, compared to the control mice level of over 0.2 micromoles per milliliter. the difference is labeled significant via asterisks. end ID

mice with higher malic acid concentrations had lower ESR and CRP (inflammation markers)

ID: two graphs showing lines with a downward slope. the top graph, ESR versus malic acid concentration, is labeled: r=-0.6802, 95% confidence interval =-0.8843 – -0.2578, p=-0.0053. the graph shows ESR, an inflammation marker, decreasing as malic acid concentration increases. the bottom graph, CRP versus malic acid concentration, is labeled: r=-0.6068, 95% confidence interval =-0.8537 – -0.1371, p=-0.0165. the graph shows CRP, an inflammation marker, decreasing as malic acid concentration increases. end ID

mice treated with malic acid had lower levels of TNF-alpha than the mice with untreated ankylosing spondylitis. humira & similar biologics that treat autoimmune diseases are TNF-alpha blockers

ID: a bar graph of relative mRNA expression of TNF-alpha. M0, the control mice, has a relative expression of 1. M1, the mice with ankylosing spondylitis that did not receive treatment, has a relative expression of slightly less than 4.5. M1+MA, the mice with ankylosing spondylitis who received the malic acid treatment, has a relative expression slightly less than 3. this indicates that the mice treated with malic acid had lower expression of TNF-alpha than the untreated mice. asterisks between M0 and M1 and between M1 and M1+MA indicate significance. end ID

the mitochondrial function of M2 macrophages in mice treated with malic acid "was significantly enhanced"

analysis of the mice's spinal tissue blew my fucking socks off. trying not to jump to conclusions & i know journal articles are full of errors but that looks potentially disease-modifying.

ID: a 5x3 presentation of samples of mouse spinal tissue. the control mice, which are healthy, have thick, undamaged, glowing tissue. the mice with ankylosing spondylitis have thin, curved, cracked-looking tissue. the mice treated with celecoxib, a common prescription NSAID for arthritis, appear very similar to the untreated mice. the mice treated with 250mg/kg of malic acid per day have tissue in between the untreated and healthy appearances; the tissue is "glowing" like the healthy tissue but still narrower and curved, although less so than the untreated tissue. the mice treated with 500mg/kg of malic acid per day have tissue which looks even closer to the healthy appearance, with less curvature than the other treatment groups. end ID

since i started drafting this post i've started taking these malic acid supplements from Nature's Life – the full dose made me feel weird including some heartburn so i cut the capsules & take roughly 2/3 – 3/4 of it at a time (i drop the rest into a spare pill jar to make more doses from). it's been similarly effective for me

please be aware that the supplement instructions say to only take it once a day, i haven't had any issues but everybody is different & this avenue is definitely under-researched! (the mice were given 250mg/kg per day which for me would be like 27 grams but i am not a mouse lol)

[streetlamp-amber]

batmom with endometriosis (blurb)

batfamily x batmom!reader

word count: 1.5k | divider by @saradika | requests are open!

REQUEST: “when I read in your guidelines that you had chronic pain, I was ecstatic - that's exactly the ask I've been wanting to leave for weeks, a batboys x reader where the reader has chronic pain (I have endometriosis and fibromyalgia). Maybe how the boys take care of and accommodate reader's needs?" CW: miscarriage, infertility, endometriosis, mention of blood (menstrual) NOTES: march is endometriosis awareness month and as someone also in the process of being diagnosed with endo, i really wanted to take some time out of my busy uni schedule to write this one and post it this month. if you've requested something and i haven't answered to your request yet, it means i'm still in the process of writing it, i'll eventually get through my inbox haha but in the meantime i hope you enjoy this one. i mostly based the headcanons on my personal experience as well as some more commonly known facts about endo. also i'm more comfortable writing about the batboys with the reader being batmom, sorry if this wasn't exactly what was expected but i just can't see dick, jason, tim and damian as a romantic partner like they are my children frl frl. i was going with headcanons at first but then it turned too much into a story idk it's a little weirdly made but i think still nice to read?

You grew up always wanting a big family, with a few children running around your house, but your dreams were shattered when you were diagnosed with endometriosis after having a miscarriage. The screams and sobs that came out of your body when the doctor told you that carrying a pregnancy (if you were able to get pregnant at all) would be pretty risky haunted Bruce for a long time. A year later, you tried to get pregnant by IVF, but this didn’t work either and you had completely given up on the idea of pregnancy, there was only so much heartbreak you could take. When Bruce and you witnessed the death of the Flying Graysons, Bruce at first was reluctant to suggest to you the idea of adopting their son Dick. After the failed in vitro attempt and your mutual decision to stop trying to get pregnant, you hadn’t really spoken about adoption and he wasn’t sure this was something you’d be open to, so your husband was pretty surprised when you were the one to suggest to adopt Dick. As the years went by, more and more children joined the Wayne Manor and your dream of having a big family with a few children running around your house came to life.

Living with endometriosis was no easy feat. Some days you were in so much pain you couldn’t even get out of bed. You were physically and mentally exhausted for at least a week every month, and even though your job allowed you to work from home, your sixty year old male boss who had no understanding of women’s health eventually fired you. When that happened, Bruce was about ready to march into that old man’s office and get you your job back, but you decided to instead appreciate the privilege you were given by being married to a billionaire CEO and become a stay-at-home wife. Shortly after your diagnostic, Bruce started a charity to fund medical research for women’s health, particularly for conditions touching the reproductive system like endometriosis and PCOS, so once you were out of your old job, you decided that there was no better way to spend your time than by getting involved with the charity.

You were lucky to have an understanding husband who was constantly at your beck and call. Whenever your period was about to start and your endometriosis symptoms worsened, he would do simple things like drawing you a hot bath to help soothe your muscles and shorten his night patrols as Batman so he could come back to bed earlier and serve as your personal heating pad. He would rub CBD oil on your joints and your lower back to relieve some pain and it goes without saying that he tracked your periods not only to anticipate the times when he needs to be more at home than work to care for you but also when you’re more comfortable to have sex, seeing as dyspareunia (painful intercourse) was one of your most unwanted symptoms. It surprised him at first, he didn’t know this was a possible thing, but the two of you worked together to find positions that were more comfortable and less painful for you, and he didn’t take any offence if you needed to stop mid session. After all, Bruce only had your comfort at the forefront of his mind and always reassured you whenever you felt inferior for not being able to have intercourse with your husband.

Alfred read up on ways to improve life with endometriosis through your diet and made sure you never ran out of raspberry leaf tea which helped with your pelvic pain a little. He started incorporating omega-3 fatty acids in your meals and had you snacking on vegetables and trail mix in between. As the kids started appearing in your life, they each happily took the role of being your personal cuddly heating pad until they became teenagers and went through that phase where getting hugs and kisses from your mother was too cringy for them (except for Jason, the hottest furnace out of your kids and the biggest Mama’s boy). Dick, your little flexible acrobat, helped you do 30 minutes long yoga sessions every day to help reduce your pain and increase your energy levels. Tim made sure you were drinking enough water – “Well Mom, the studies say that you need to drink five tall glasses of water per day, so drink up!” – and he was always staying up to date with medical magazines and research to find new ways to improve your life.

When Bruce and Dick returned from one of their patrols with a German Shepherd dog and nobody had claimed him after an ad was put in the paper, Bruce decided to have Ace trained to help you with your anxiety and depression spells that came during your premenstrual period. The big dog was an addition to the family that you never had thought of but you were more than pleased to have him. When your husband was at work and your boys were at school, Ace would jump in your bed and lay his head on your belly or let you cuddle him for as long as you wanted, always there to soothe you and keep your belly warm. 

Damian’s arrival in your life had not been easy. It opened old wounds, and for a moment there you had convinced yourself that your husband would have a moment of clarity and leave you to be with someone who could give him biological children. After talking it out through the night and Bruce reassuring you over and over again that he wasn’t going to leave you and that he was more than happy with the family you had together, he realised that maybe you hadn’t really come to terms with your fertility problems. A week later, he suggested that you see a therapist to help you with the psychological load that came with your condition and that you should also join a group for people with endometriosis who would better understand your pain and struggle. At first you were reluctant, thinking Bruce had had enough and wanted to relieve himself from the burden of supporting you, but your kids made you see that this would be beneficial for everyone, that you can never have too many support systems and the lived experiences of other people with endometriosis could also help your family find better ways to help and support you.

Once Damian warmed up to you, which took more than a few months, he was basically fighting Jason to be your personal cuddly heating pad. He loved your motherly affection and his favourite way to pass time was watching your favourite sitcom in your bed with you and Ace. One time, you unexpectedly started bleeding during the night and left a pretty big red stain on your white sheets. After making sure you were comfortable in your hot bath, Bruce gathered your bedsheets and went to bring them to the laundry room. It just so happened that Damian was getting out of his bedroom at the same time as his father and when he saw the blood on the sheets, he immediately assumed the worst and jumped on Bruce, ready to avenge you. Damian knew that you had menstruations every month, that they were the cause for your pain, but he didn’t know that they caused you to bleed this much. Thankfully, Tim, who knew you were supposed to be on your period soon, was coming up to your room to bring you your first water bottle of the day and managed to pull small Damian off of Bruce. While your third son took care of bringing the sheets to the laundry room downstairs, your husband guided Damian through your bedroom and made him stop in the doorway of the adjacent bathroom, where they could see your head poking out of the bathtub, your eyes closed as you tried to let the warm water and your favourite Leonard Cohen album soothe you. “See,” he leaned down to Damian’s height and gently told him, “Mom’s doing alright. Well, as alright as she can when she’s on her period, but she’s alive. She loses a lot of blood when she’s on her period, that’s one of the reasons why she’s so tired.”

After every laparoscopy, you'd wake up to find Bruce and your boys in your room, sat there waiting to bring you back home from the hospital. Everyone was at your beck and call, the boys mostly helped you get out of bed and walk each day to improve your blood flow. Tim was even more insisting with your water intake to prevent dehydration and everyone ate your post laparoscopy diet of plain rice and broiled chicken to avoid upsetting your stomach the first two days after the surgery so you wouldn’t feel alone in your boring diet. When you weren't out of bed doing your daily walk with one of your kids, they were all knocking at your bedroom door every fifteen minutes, making sure you were comfortable and didn’t need anything else. Bruce, who had mastered the art of bandage through his Batman activities, checked on your incision every morning and every night for any infection or if it had opened up, then cleaned it with soapy water and applied some gauze over it to prevent it rubbing against your clothes.

And every month you found yourself crying at least once, overwhelmed with how grateful you were to have a strong and loving support system helping you live with your condition.

[flattocatto]

Viktor Modern!AU uni headcanons

ohhh hes in my head i have so many thoughts i have so much to say about him. you guys just let me cook. ok. okay thanks. please reblog like whatever im new here LOL

warnings/key takeaways: mention of recreational drug use, freshman/sophomore year of uni, lots of studying, goofy meet cute, oblivious nerd viktor, both of you live on campus in dorms (same building), GENDER NEUTRAL (use of ‘you’, no specific pronouns)

HE SMOKES WEED

IDGAF HE SMOKES WEED

not like some crazy stuff. no. he smokes weed ti not feel PAIN. yeah you heard me. he smokes shit w high CBD content. doesn’t smoke it for the high, smokes it to feel better

think he would have it medically and everything

ohhh uni viktor would be the only fucker allowed to smoke in his dorm because if his leg got bad how could he go outside huh?? he didn’t share this news (of him being allowed to smoke indoors) but people knew since he’d have a window cracked open all the time. not fooling anyone

on this note i feel like he would only smoke if he absolutely needed to. yk how people go “i can quit anytime!” but never do? he’s the kind of guy to say that but MEAN IT. he just prefers his joints over painkillers because he finds they work faster

ok enough weed talk. he’s getting his masters in biomedical engineering. its obvious you guys ive seen this everywhere.

he wants to make people better prosthetics. he also got a degree in prosthetics and orthotics techs but it was only a 2 year so its ‘just a paper’ as he says

he studies hardcore. its surprising he even makes friends (sorry viktor) but he saw a lot of potential in jayce as a student from people watching. like in canon au :D!

on that note, biggest people watcher. its actually kind of how he got his friends. extroverts pick up introverts from introvert daycare (the corner of the room)

relationship headcanons

if you guys were to meet, it would be one of those silly meetcute things.

hear me out. you book a study room with your friends to study for exams, but none of them show. shame. one got sick, the other had to go home to see their parents or something. all in all, you were DITCHED by your homies

now. someone coordinating the rooms messed up. viktor had that room booked the SAME time you did! gasp! he just likes the space of the rooms to properly spread out his work.

anyway you were already in the room and he shows up. and just stands there. awkwardly. standing man emoji.

instead of apologizing, he STANDS HIS MFING GROUND. “i have this room booked for three hours.”

“thats crazy because ME TOO.”

you go back and forth, before you both realize the confirmation email you got was from the same person or whatever. who had booked the room for you two. not two separate rooms.

after viktor makes a small mumble of “of course”, you offer to let him stay anyway. and explain that you originally had friends going over but they dipped.

its exam season, you aren’t leaving and you aren’t gonna kick him out! thats so cruel!!!

at the end you end up exchanging numbers. and find out you’re in the same dormitory building!!!

he invites you to study with him in a study room next time, to ‘prevent the coordinator from messing up again’ — he just likes your presence

bing bang boom friends. occasionally one of you begins to break silence, asking silly questions about futures and families and holidays. conversation is limited, you are both locked in to studying most of the time

unfortunately YOU are the one to ask him out. viktor is literally just comfortable with your presence and too in his head to think you’d ever LIKE him romantically.

you take him to a museum. yeah. the local one had a free day for students. you’re also 100% chill with sitting whenever he looked uncomfortable. even if he denied needing rest, his face did that little scrunch thing and you just knew

after that you went to the uni again, to the dining hall. and he insisted on giving you a meal off of his meal plan. he said he ‘barely uses them all anyway,’ and forces you to take it. even if it kind of wasn’t allowed. he just lied to the clerk and said he was going to take it home.

very sweet if him, breaking RULES?

thats like the only rule he breaks for you

no, he won’t let you sleep in his dorm

no, he won’t sleep in YOUR dorm either

no, he won’t sneak out past curfew

(unless ur dying)

there was a time you texted him ‘help’ at midnight and he made his way all the way to your dorm very quietly.

turns out you had burnt popcorn. and it tasted horrible and you were honestly stressed to the point of tears. he thought you had gotten hurt. he proceeded to lecture you on appropriate texts to send at midnight past curfew. for like an hour.

glorious ovulation i need to smoke with him.

[mangionebabymama]

Imagine comforting him during pain flair ups, shushing his sobs and moans and rubbing his back. You feed him painkillers even though you both know it won't really help. I like to imagine him taking really strong edibles with a lot of cbd to help with the pain so he'll go from sobbing in pain to a lighter, happier mood and he'll be prone to giggling too and he finds everything you say really funny. In those times he'd definitely beg to eat your pussy, you'd be like noooo Luigi your back, he'd be like but you've been taking such good care of me, I want to show you I care too. He'd try to be all coy and seductive but he'd stutter or say something wrong because he'd be high as fuck and it would make him giggle at himself, but he'd be dead serious about eating your pussy. He'd definitely be really good at cunnilingus and fingering, he'd eat your pussy forever. It would be in part due to lot of guilt for having to be taken care of, that would make him insecure, and I think that would lead to him liking to be roughed up a bit during sex, he'd feel like he'd "deserve" it.

omg anon 😫 oh just to comfort him and tend to him, god I wish he had that support and love from somebody so bad you don’t understand omfg

Taking painkillers would only offer temporary relief bc something as chronic as his back pain and spinal condition can’t be cured with just a few pills. Both you and he know that it’s not a viable, long-term solution. Still, I know it would bring you some relief just to see him in better spirits, even if he’s the highest in the room, feeling like he’s floating among the spirits on the ceiling you can’t see once the edible kicks in. He’d start to feel so much better, not having to fully experience the excruciating pain he’s usually in. He could finally forget about the misery, at least for a little while. And he’d be sooooo appreciative and grateful for you; giggling at nearly everything you say and do, even if you’re just breathing, sitting there on the bed with him, blinking those fluttery eyelashes in that certain way. He’d feel completely blessed to be taken care of by the prettiest person ever (you), mesmerized by how lucky he is. He might even think to himself that maybe bad back spells aren’t so bad, if it means someone as fiiiiiiine as you is there to rub his back and dote on him and be his little nurse. oh he’d be off in la-la land 😭

So when he suddenly babbles, “Let me eat you out, baby,” you’d probably assume it’s just the edibles talking, him being goofy and horny like it’s no big deal. But he’d mean it. He’s always serious when it comes to eating you out. He doesn’t ever play around with pussy, especially not yours. That’s sacred business to him.

I can imagine, instead of crawling down to the edge of the bed (because you’d naturally worry about his back), he’d suggest something better: you sitting on his face. Not just because it’s easier on his body, but because he wants your pretty self right there on his face. It would be his idea of a five-course meal—served all at once. And when he starts eating you out while high, face smothered in your pussy and thighs and lost in you, it would be almost an out-of-body experience for you

[freak-accident419]

Double Derek

Derek Danforth x GN!Reader

Summary: You spend time with your boyfriend, Derek, before he would leave for a week-long business trip away from home. As a joke, you propose that you should purchase a ‘Clone a Willy’ kit, in case you miss him during his absence. But Derek wasn’t truly against the idea.

Word Count: 4.3k

Content: 18+ smut, MDNI, gender-neutral reader, mentions of sex toys (they’re literally making one), raunchiness, slightly OOC Derek, too many damn time skips, more plot than porn, the silliness is more prominent in the beginning but not so much the smut, penetration (unspecified genitals for reader)

(A/n: thankyou thankyou so much to @g0ry0re0 for proofreading, you are literally a lifesaver ilysm. thank you for everyone’s support and anticipation for this fic, you all keep me going ❤️ enjoy!!)

-

“Uhh… ‘CBD-infused intimate oil,’” Derek reads off the box in a curious mutter, turning it around to examine the product and its written features. Then he looked at you with a knowing grin. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nodded in agreement, chuckling under your breath as you watched the imminent purchase remain inside of your boyfriend’s grasp.

You and Derek, since being in a relationship of nearly three years, had always found several ways to spice things up in your sex life. The two of you experimented with almost everything in the book, be it edging, near exhibitionism, toys, food play, etc. And of course, while romantic relationships overall meant way more than just the sex, your sex life with him was just too incredible to ignore. Jesus, you could go on and on for days about how amazing the sex was.

Therefore, it wasn’t unusual at all to find the two of you inside of an adult store. Sure, you mostly bought your things online, but since you two were already out and the shop was nearby, you figured it wouldn’t hurt to go in. Plus, the other times you went to the in-person stores were quite beneficial; you were able to see certain sizings of different products and got the necessary and helpful advice from the clerks there.

You and Derek had continued to browse through the raunchy products as you walked down each aisle together. And while the two of you were almost in your thirties, absolutely nothing could deter you two from giggling at some of the ridiculous things sold there. This time, however, you suddenly stopped in your tracks and opened your mouth in complete awe once your eyes had laid upon it.

“Holy fucking shit!” You blurted as you instantly grabbed the tube-shaped box from the shelf in front of you:

‘(GLOW IN THE DARK) CLONE-A-WILLY: THE IN-HOME PENIS MOLDING KIT

MAKE A VIBRATING SILICONE REPLICA OF ANY PENIS (EASY TO MAKE)’

“Is this actually—?” Derek nearly snatches it from you with a fascinated scoff, reading over the description on the packaging. “What the fuck? Do—do people actually do this?”

“Of course they do, I see them, like, everywhere!” You cackled, trying to steal back the box from his grasp. It wasn’t the first time you’ve ever seen it, but it does surprise you every damn time that you do.

“Okay, okay, so… So if I’m getting this right, you could basically make an entire fuckin’ dildo at home… by molding somebody else’s or your own dick?” He raises an eyebrow incredulously.

“Yeah, pretty much,” you wheeze, nodding at him until your smile grew wider in sudden realization. “Shit, baby, you’d take ‘go fuck yourself’s to a whole new level!”

“What the hell, Y/n?” He chuckled, trying not to burst out into any more insufferable laughter, “okay, first of all, who would—Why the fuck would I want to use a replica of my own fucking dick on myself? Like, if anything, it’s you who should be taking it.”

“Hey, you can’t just say that!” You hissed playfully, still smiling from the entire situation you found yourselves in. Suddenly, however, your eyes widened insightfully from an absurd epiphany you just had.

“Wait,” you began. “I mean… You do have a point, considering that your trip is coming up already… Holy shit, imagine that! While you’re going to be gone for a whole fuckin’ week, I could always use this weird clone shit on myself whenever I’m horny! Hell, it’s perfect since you’ve been going to so many business trips lately!” You joked exuberantly before letting out a delighted sigh. “Jesus, baby, this is so ridiculous…”

Chuckling to yourself, you placed the box back on the shelf, prompting a perplexed gaze from Derek—or rather, as he stared at it, a gaze of deep contemplation. You recognized this damn shit-faced look of his. After all, you’ve known him for years.

“Derek—” you began skeptically.

“Hold on, I’m thinking,” he interjects with a thoughtful finger to his chin before a sudden and mischievous smirk appears at his lips. “You know, that actually isn’t a bad idea.”

Completely dumbfounded and taken aback, you raised a suspecting eyebrow. “Wait. You’re not actually considering… I mean, I was just joking around earlier, I wasn’t actually being serious—”

“I know, but think about it, babe! I mean, hell, you even said it yourself! Every time you feel… needy while I’m out, especially on my long business trips, you could always, well… you know,” he grinned darkly, glancing toward the ridiculous sex toy, “and if you want, I could even call you while you—”

“Shush!” You hissed with a slight laugh. “Holy fuck, you’re actually turned on by this freaky shit, aren’t you?!” It was actually quite hypocritical of you to call him out like that, as you tried to push your own feelings of arousal to the side. “I mean, I’d be down, but… Are you actually being for real right now?”

He scoffs at your remarks, crossing his arms. “Yeah, I mean… I’d be lying if I said that the thought of you being that desperate for my cock wouldn’t turn me on.”

“Really? You’re kidding.” You gasp in utter disbelief. Frankly, you never would’ve expected Derek to be into this kind of stuff, even knowing firsthand that he could be pretty extreme. It was most likely the fact that it was a ‘penis molding kit’ that caught you off guard when your boyfriend genuinely considered it. “You’re actually—Because like, while I was joking, you know, I actually still wanted to get it, but I didn’t know if you were down, or—”

“Babe, this might be the weirdest yet sexiest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever thought of us doing. Of course I’m down.”

***

After bringing home the very ‘unique’ product the two of you purchased from the adult store, you and Derek had set up in the spacious kitchen of his (which was technically yours too, since you practically lived with him now). With all of your necessary supplies laid out on the counter as well as the kit’s included materials, you made it to the fifth step together. The counter’s surface was crowded with measuring cups, bowls, and the other required items as Derek’s lower half had been completely naked to prepare for the molding process. He was actually already jerking off vacantly, a cock ring against the base of his dick to keep him as hard as he could be for the mold.

“Oh my god, I can’t stop thinking about that,” you chuckle as you began to stir the mix of water with the kit’s included molding powder. “That was so fucking hilarious!”

“You’d think that—” Derek scoffs in amusement, practically interrupting himself. “When the cashier said I looked familiar, you’d think that she would’ve mentioned Danforth Enterprises or, hell, even my mom, right? But she thought—she fucking said—”

“Robby Apples!” You nearly cackle, continuing to mix the bowl’s contents after setting a timer for a minute, “She thought you were a fuckin’ porn star!”

“I—” he scoffs with a wide, amused grin on his lips, “Personally? I don’t see it. I don’t think we look alike, like, at all.”

“Right, right,” you chuckle softly, “but it’s the hair. It’s the hair, baby! The curls and stupid frosted tips, I bet that’s why she assumed that!”

“I mean, yeah, but Y/n… I’m way more famous than him. Like, I’m literally CEO of my company—hell, my mother is the President of the United fucking States! Like, how the hell do you mistake me for someone else?! Let alone a fucking porn star!” Derek huffs playfully, surprisingly not too offended by the mix-up. Usually his ego would be heavily bruised whenever someone didn’t recognize him immediately, but he was having way too much fun with you to even be serious about it. And you loved it.

“But, like…” you began with a slight smile, “to be fair, babe, she works at that sex shop. Her mind must be porn over politics.”

“Hey, just because she works at a sex shop doesn’t mean she’s a porn addict.” Derek then raises an eyebrow as he attempts to call you out, “Now that’s just assuming, isn’t it?”

You scowled, yet a small smirk still creeped upon your lips. “You’re talking to me about assuming? You’re—You say that as if you’re not the most judgmental asshole in the fucking world.”

“Ugh, fair point,” Derek shrugged in acceptance and self-awareness, not even bothering to argue because he knew you were right. Then, he paused thoughtfully. “That is a great slogan, though.”

“What, about assumptions?”

“No, ‘porn over politics.’”

“Oh, yes,” you nod with a hint of sarcasm, “The epitome of Derek Danforth.”

“Uh, no,” he scoffs quickly, “money and superiority is the epitome of Derek Danforth.”

You paused with a grimace on your face. “You did not just refer to yourself in the third person.”

“Wh—You do it all the time!” He exclaims.

“Uh, yeah,” you scoff, “ironically!”

Somehow, you didn’t notice until now that Derek was holding his phone in his hand, looking at the screen as he continued to stroke himself to sustain his erection. “Hey, what are you looking at, by the way?”

His eyes went up to you with an innocent, neutral expression. “Uhhh, your nudes.”

“You’re fucking kidding,” you chuckle.

“Uh, no,” he says, turning his phone around in an attempt to show you. “I’m literally going through them right now—”

“No, ew, don’t show me!” You laugh from embarrassment as you looked down at the mixing bowl you stirred, covering the peripheral view with your hand. As sexy as they were to Derek and to you during the time you were taking them, you really couldn’t take them seriously afterwards.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re embarrassed, babe,” he teases knowingly, making you roll your eyes. “You look so hot in them.”

“Dude—Of course I’m fucking embarrassed!” You reasoned, “I thought it was hot until the post-nut fuckin’ clarity kicked in!”

Suddenly, the timer went off as the two of you laughed softly at your last comment. You were then prompted to instantly focus as you turned off the blaring alarm and grabbed the tube closer to yourself on the counter.

“You fully hard, baby?” You ask casually, beginning to pour the white mixture inside of the tube.

“Yup,” he nodded simply, watching you prepare for the molding process.

After you finished pouring in all of the thick molding substance, you grabbed the tube and walked closer to your boyfriend. “Okay, so we’re just molding your dick now, for like, two… two minutes, I think? And you’re just gonna have to stay hard like that and don’t move too much,” you giggle, “I have to act fast, though, because there’s a reason why the water had to be ninety degrees, alright?”

“Alright,” Derek chuckles, “go ahead, babe.”

After setting up a two minute timer on your phone, you slowly placed the tube full of the ‘molding gel’ over his dick, making some of the white, thick substance drip out onto the floor. The two of you already began to cackle, Derek groaning in slight disgust from the weird feeling that the texture of the paste gave him around his cock.

“This is really fuckin’ messy,” he raises an eyebrow as he watches the leftover mixture spill onto the smooth, quartz tiles of the kitchen floor. “And it feels really… really weird around my dick,” Derek laughs softly.

“Well, we were warned about the mess but… damn, I didn’t know it’d be this crazy,” you chuckle, holding the tube in place, allowing you to stand close to Derek’s naked body. “Also, I know what you’re thinking—You’re not allowed to make a joke about how the molding gel resembles your fucking jizz.” Derek frowns immediately as you giggle at his reaction.

Rolling your eyes, you lean in closer to your lover, placing some soft kisses on his bare shoulder and collarbone. You always believed that Derek’s body was so beautiful, and you couldn’t help but show him how much you loved it all the time. “I’m gonna miss you, you know that?” You mumble with your lips pressed against the warm skin of his shoulder.

“Me too, baby,” he sighs softly, “but I’ll be back before you know it, alright?”

“I’m gonna fuck myself so fucking hard with this weird ass thing when you’re gone.”

“Sorry,” you mumble afterwards, realizing what you had blurted caused Derek to become speechless.

Your filthy words had been delivered so bluntly and casually, gaining a low groan from Derek’s throat. “Fuck. You can’t just—Baby, please tell me you’ll get me off after we do this because, fuck, I’ve been so hard for so fucking long and you’re already making things worse with that kind of talk,” he complains, nearly pleading.

“Jeez, I said I was sorry...” Chuckling, you bury your face in his neck affectionately. “Don’t worry, babe, we have so much time after this. You can fuck me as hard as you want.”

“Fuck…” he moaned at the visual you gave him with your words.

Resting your lips contently in the crook of his neck, you let out a small snicker afterwards. “Dude, I can’t get that stupid fucking meme out of my head…”

“What meme?” Derek asked curiously, no longer focusing solely on his arousal he had for you.

“The fuckin’—Your mom, the Jessica Danforth one that they would—”

“Oh, my god,” he scoffs lightly with a smile, amused by recollection of a popular, new internet meme they made of the US President. “But that one is so fucking stupid.”

“Nuh-uh, it’s iconic because your mom is iconic,” you retort playfully, “and those ‘stupid’ memes ended up being genuine, effective marketing strategies towards her campaign.”

Honestly, it was kind of adorable to Derek that you thought that lousy, new generation memes of her was what mainly helped his mother’s campaign. It was less adorable, however, that it wasn’t really the case. If only you knew…

You leaned in, briefly connecting your soft lips with his, appreciating the intimacy of your closeness that this position bestowed upon the two of you. Your kiss had pushed his underlying guilt aside for now, melting in the short moment of sweetness.

“Hey, when can I get this thing off of me?” He asks suddenly once your lips had parted from each other.

You pursed your lips curiously. “Uhh, well, is it hard yet?”

“Baby, my dick has been hard the entire time for this, you know that.”

“No, I meant—” you giggled breathlessly, “I meant the molding gel, has it hardened yet?”

“Well, it feels like it, sort of,” he remarked with a shrug.

“Eh, we can just wait for the full two minutes,” you suggested, prompting that you both should wait until the timer ends.

Soon enough, the two of you had gone through the entire procedure. You removed the tube from Derek’s cock, placing it on the counter as you mixed the silicone packets together to pour that mixture into the mold. Then, you placed the included vibrator inside the tube through the hole of a cardboard cover that rested on the top of the rim to keep it from sinking completely down into the mold.

“We are… done,” you laugh softly, the two of you looking at the tube filled with liquid silicone, most certainly taking the form of Derek’s dick. “I don’t know what I was expecting, but we are going to have to wait, like, twenty-four hours until we can take it out of the mold.”

“Well, shit. I am actually both fucking terrified and excited to see how it’ll end up looking like,” he shrugs with a slight scoff.

“Your dick, but in a glow-in-the-dark green,” you reply with a simple nod. “So… What now?”

A thoughtful yet mischievous grin appears on Derek’s lips as his eyes trail hungrily over your body.

After eagerly stripping your pants and underwear down, Derek lifted you up on the edge of the kitchen table, lips never leaving yours as he kissed you deeply and passionately. He grabbed onto your thigh, lightly gasping at the rough grip as his other hand slipped under your shirt to feel the soft skin of your back. Derek actually used the hemp oil that you two purchased earlier (alongside the Clone-A-Willy), rubbing it over your sensitive groin, then pleasurably lubricating your entrance. “God, I need you so bad, baby,” he mumbles lustfully, pulling your hips closer to the edge of the counter to line himself up with you.

A soft, yet vocal moan escaped your lips as you feel his rock hard, throbbing cock stretching and pushing through your tight, needy hole. “Fuck, you feel so fucking good,” Derek grunts, eyes half-lidded as he looked at you with lust and admiration. And from this heavenly sensation, you had been reminded that he still had that cock ring on.

You giggled immaturely, “you know, I forgot you even had that o—” He moved both his hands to spread open your thighs, trailing back up to grip your hips as he began to slowly thrust inside of you, making you whine as you placed your hands on his shoulders. “D-Derek—” You choke out a moan as he gradually increases his pace, firmly pushing his hips against yours to get as deep inside of you as he could. His cock was so fucking hard, indisputably caused by the pressure of the ring, but also from how much your sole body turned him on.

The two of your moans echoed in the atmosphere of the kitchen, especially as you wrapped your legs tightly around his back, pushing him in even deeper. “Fuck,” you whined softly, feeling one of his hands trail under the back of your shirt again during each heavy thrust until he finally lifts it off of you, throwing the piece of fabric onto the floor.

Your insides had deliciously gripped Derek’s firm cock so tight, withdrawing a low, prolonged groan from his throat as he then picked up the pace. He pounded deeply into you, head hanging low as he focused on his hard thrusts.

“Shit!” You nearly cry, wrapping your arms around his neck as you started to feel more sensitive. “You’re so fucking hard, hell…”

“Am I usually not?” He teases with a smirk, not ceasing his movements anytime soon.

“Ugh, you know what I mean,” you panted breathlessly. “The fucking cock ring’s, like, making you even harder than you ever been. I can’t believe this only, like, the second time we’ve ever used it.”

“Are you implying that we should use it more?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Hell, yeah,” you replied with a satisfied moan.

“Fuck, baby,” Derek groans, hiding his face in your neck, briefly nipping at your flesh. “Fucking love how tight you feel around my fucking cock.”

You moaned at his sultry words, your arms leaving his neck and holding yourself up with your palms flat on the counter behind you, attempting to grind against his movements. “Fuuuck,” you mumble as your palms shifted behind you, nudging and almost knocking down the Clone-A-Willy tube that was still filled with un-solidified silicone. “Oh, shit!” Gasping in a short panic, you held it steady before it could fall and moved it away to the side.

“Jesus, babe, you almost spilled over my dick,” he scoffs with a chuckle, his thrusts slightly sloppy from this distraction.

“Oh, I’ll spill something over your dick, babe,” you joked swiftly with a playful smirk.

“Oh my god, you’re fucking terrible,” he groaned as a mere, amused smile formed at his lips.

“Shut up, I’m not the one who got mistaken for a porn star,” you retorted, flashing a teasing grin.

“God, never fucking bring that up again,” Derek huffs, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, I will, baby, I will so use it against you,” you claim humorously.

Suddenly, he lifts you up by your ass, away from the counter as he was still pressed deeply inside of you. Holding you up against him in the center of the kitchen floor, he thrusted up inside of you, creating a strong wave of pleasure throughout your entire being.

“Fuck!” You cried as his fingernails dig into the skin of your ass, pushing his cock in and out of your sensitive hole. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, babe, you might not be a porn star, but you sure as hell fuck like one, shit…” The harsh sounds of flesh slapping against flesh echoed lewdly in the kitchen as he continued holding you up, and even guiding and pushing your hips skillfully against his.

Finally, he brought the two of you over on a chair, sitting down against it as you were positioned on top, his dick completely inside of you. “Ride me, baby,” he mutters, cupping your face gently, yet pulling you in urgently for a deep, wet kiss, shoving his tongue through your lips.

Breaking the kiss, Derek’s hands explored and caressed the warm, smooth skin of your body, muttering lustful praises to you. This prompted you to begin moving, placing your hands on his shoulders as your hips would gently grind against his. “Mmm,” you hum softly in pleasure before your head is thrown back the moment you increase your pace.

You let your knees assist you in bouncing on his thick cock, feeling his arms being wrapped around your back tightly to bring you in closely and intimately. “Fuck, baby…” Derek huffs, attempting to move his hips up with yours.

This position was short-lived, however, because of Derek’s urgency to fuck you fast and properly, lifting you back up once again. He made out with you as he held you, kissing your lips roughly and hotly while we stumbled towards the living room to finally throw you down on the couch.

He immediately grabbed your legs, lifting them up to place your ankles over his shoulders, nipping softly at your legs in admiration before thrusting back in.

“Fuck!” He groans, moving his hips at a much rougher and faster rate, practically pounding into you with both lust and love.

“Shit, Derek!” You whimper, feeling his cock slide in and out of you so fluidly, stretching and caressing your sensitive walls. From all the buildup of the previous positions, you felt so close already. “Fuck, baby. I—I’m gonna cum—”

“Just—fuck—hold on a little longer, baby,” he mutters, ramming his dick inside of you without faltering, focusing on driving the both of you to the very edge.

“Baby…” You whined desperately, looking up at him as you felt yourself begin to clench around him. And that really did it for him.

“Fuuuck,” Derek moaned, his movements against you beginning to stagger, “Cum for me, baby, c’mon.”

A loud, whiny moan escaped your lips as your back arched up against him, tensing up as you finally released. Your tight, fleshy walls around Derek prompted him to come right after, spilling his warm, white semen deep inside of you, muttering a few curse words before collapsing on top of you.

The both of you panted heavily, struggling to catch your breaths as you felt each other’s sweaty, naked body against one another’s. You chuckle breathlessly, feeling so content from the overwhelming ecstasy that your orgasm bestowed upon yourself.

“So good,” Derek whispered, kissing your lips in a sloppy, lazy manner, “you did so good for me, sweetheart.”

***

“What in… the actual fuck.”

The next day, after it had been exactly 24 hours since you’ve poured in the silicone inside of the mold, you and Derek took it out, revealing his glow-in-the-dark, cloned dick.

The two of you looked down at the new dildo, then looked at each other before cackling loudly and heartily, your laughs echoing in the kitchen where you had done the reveal.

“Oh, my god, it looks—it looks exactly fucking like it, babe!” You exclaim in disbelief, nearly wheezing as you hold the light green, phallic object in your grasp.

“That is,” he began, trying to recover from his previous, hearty laughter, “fucking insane. It’s so uncanny, like… it looks so real.”

“Dude, look at all the detail!” You urged, small snickers escaping your throat, “like even the veins and the fucking—what—frenulum, like… What the hell?!”

“And it’s such a bright ass neon green, holy shit,” Derek chuckled, continuing to examine the silicone.

“Hey, it matches your entire vibe, at least. You know. Green. Money. Ehh?”

The two of you giggled childishly, enjoying the absolute absurdity of this entire situation. “God, only you, Y/n, could get me to do the stupidest fucking things that I would never be willing to do for, like, anybody else,” Derek remarked with a slight smile.

”Hey, you were up for it too,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes, “I was joking about it first, but you were the one who took it seriously!”

“Uh, you were the one who grabbed it first,” retorted Derek.

“And you were the one who took it seriously when I was joking,” you repeated, chuckling softly in amusement.

“I—” But before he could say anything, he realized that you were right. “God fucking dammit.”

***

Tomorrow, Derek would have left for the business trip, the two of you saying your goodbyes before he would disappear into his private jet. And the day after, as your lover stayed at a luxurious hotel, lounging comfortably on the bed, he received a few texts from you during the night:

Y/n: hey

Y/n: it actually does glow in the dark btw

Y/n: [sent an attachment]

Derek’s eyes widened instantly, jaw dropping at the sight of the diabolically lewd image you had just sent him. Including the familiar, bright green item in the frame, of course.

“Holy fu—”

[no1deepspacehater]

The DeepSpace Boys Getting High

A/N: I don't even like smoking, most of the time I have panic attacks but I've had like 1 or 2 good highs. anyway WHERE MY LADS 420 BLAZERS AT??? this ones for you guys <3

☆ Zayne

Has used CBD oil once or twice for body pain from his evol, has never really gotten high though. Other than that, not much experience.

Would prefer eating edibles over anything. Put an infused macaron in his face and he is folding immediately.

Is the type to go non-verbal once it hits.

And he gets really slow. Not like dumb slow but physically slow. He starts buffering like a youtube vid on bad wifi.

Both of you got high once and though you had called him numerous times, he only looked up from his work email after you touched his shoulder, he’d only typed “As per my last email,” within the 10 minutes he was staring at the screen.

☆ Xavier

His body is already on low power mode 24/7, weed is sending him fast asleep immediately.

Good luck waking him up within the next 24 hours.

Has some experience, but it’s not something he does often.

Doesn’t like the smell from smoking it, so you both drink it as tea or sweets as well.

Did give Jeremiah some seeds to plant once and told him it was tomato seeds as a ‘joke’.

Gets the worst munchies afterwords, so you both always have lots of snacks prepared.

☆ Rafayel

Experimented with it before so he could see how his art would turn out while high.

Needless to say, he would do anything but paint.

House? Cleaned. Paperwork? Take a hike Thomas. All four seasons of that new comedy you both started? Watched.

Speaking of comedy, when high, everything is instantly 5x funnier with him.

Thomas was scolding you both for something, and you both nearly pissed yourself laughing because Rafayel whispered. “He looks like a barracuda when mad.”

Thomas was not impressed and banned you both from smoking ever again.

☆ Sylus

Not interested, sorry.

Even if he does to humour you, he’s not doing enough to get baked, more like a light buzz.

Prefers alcoholism, like a true alcoholic.

He’s a bit more loose in personality when he does get buzzed though, his softer smiles showing up more, and he laughs at your antics more.

On a side note, the twins are hilarious when they’re high as well.

I have a small headcanon that Sylus can’t actually get truly drunk or high, since his body heals itself, kind of like a Deadpool situation, except he can get slightly buzzed or close to 'kind of' drunk, he’d have to focus on not triggering his evol though, and that’s just too much work.

[eico-23]

High Batfam Headcanon

(because I just had the funniest 1am conversation)

Bruce Wayne: Smoked once because either Selina or Alfred convinced him to do so. It just made him tired and he finally got some sleep. He doesn’t understand why people enjoy it so much.

Dick Grayson: Should not be allowed to smoke. Will not stop yapping about the “epiphanies” he has. (“Guys… Guys. Cucumbers are just salty pickles.”) Won’t stop bouncing around everywhere. Makes horrible snacks and thinks they’re delicious.

Jason Todd: Gets high to rest. The kind of guy who needs CBD gummies to sleep. He’s pretty well acquainted with drugs and knows how to be safe and not be an idiot.

Tim Drake: Not allowed to smoke. Banned. Gets horrifically paranoid and thinks everyone is out to kill him. Do not pass him the blunt. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

Damian Wayne: Thinks “Don’t do drugs kids” shouldn’t apply to him because he’s “not a kid.” Sneaks into Jason’s stash and tried exactly one gummy. Passed out almost immediately. When Jason found him and realized what happened, he woke him up. Bad idea. Damian begins maniacally laughing and trying to murder everyone within a half mile radius until his high wears off.

Stephanie Brown: Super fun to get high with. Giggly and thinks everything is absolutely hilarious. However, should not be allowed to get high while Tim is high. She also thinks his paranoia is hilarious and will do whatever she can to make it worse.

Cassandra Cain: Sad and somehow quieter while high. Usually rocks side to side and seems to find the smallest things entertaining. One time she literally watched paint dry. Steph is the only person who seems to be able to make her smile while she’s high.

Alfred Pennyworth: Has one day a year where he takes a long break and gets stoned out of his mind. No one is allowed to contact him or ask for anything or even look his direction unless they are on the brink of death. He needs this break. He deserves it.

Superman: Thinks he shouldn’t smoke because he needs to be a good role model. (Smoked once and enjoyed it, then felt guilty about enjoying it and repressed those feelings ever since.)

Catwoman: You will never be able to tell that she’s high. Yes, she’s having a good time up there, but the only tell you’ll get is that her eyes are slightly red. Master at flying under the radar.

[kayakima]

Hello I am back with more headcanons

How the 104th Cadet corps smokes 🍃 and what they’re like when they’re high

Plus bonus Porco and Pieck

Eren: Has every form of Rick and Morty paraphernalia in existence. Rolling trays, Tshirts, ash trays, you name it. Unironically says that people need a higher IQ to be able to “fully grasp” the message of the show. Used to smoke indoors but Mikasa pushed him to take it outside or at least open a window. Goes fully nonverbal (for once) but also can’t keep his hands to himself if he’s alone with Mikasa.

Mikasa: Doesn’t smoke a ton but she still somehow has an incredibly high tolerance. Has a pen that she named “Penjamin” and she discreetly hits it at the aquarium/museum. When she’s at home with Eren it takes one hit before their clothes are on the floor.

Armin: Tried smoking but it always just ends up giving him a headache for some reason. Edibles are a bit better but he never seems to really “feel it”, so he prefers to just not partake because he doesn’t want to waste money. Prefers CBD gummies and has a CBD pen on him so he doesn’t feel left out during sessions. A fiend for cigs though.

Ymir: WAKE. AND. BAKE. She can out smoke ANYONE, even Connie. Zeros her bong in one hit and does NOT clean it. Has a whole dab rig and puts grape-sized globs in it just for herself. Unironically watches Jackass and Filthy Frank videos when Historia isn’t around.

Historia: Smoked once and had a panic attack. Does not smoke or partake at all anymore and instead she drinks or hits her crusty ass juul from 2018 that’s covered with faded stickers, and she uses bootleg strawberry juul pods so she feels like she’s doing something. Babysits Ymir when she goes nonverbal and they also can’t keep their hands off each other. She’s the one to clean Ymir’s bong and yells at her when she leaves it on the coffeetable.

Reiner: Can rip a bong like nobody’s business but is classy enough to keep it in a cupboard when he isn’t using it. All his bags and pockets are littered with various brands of mint-flavored dispos because he vapes in public. Gets really calm and quiet and one time when he was with Jean the two of them got way too high together and started making out (they don’t talk about it and nobody else will ever know)

Bertoldt: Surprisingly chatty when smoking. Doesn’t do anything fancy and just has a glass pipe. Taught Reiner what a sploof was so he wouldn’t get caught by his mom. Has a decent tolerance but can sometimes overdo it because he underestimates edibles. “Man this edible ain’t shit” *Ten minutes later*: “dude do you ever think about how our fingers are just bony tentacles?”

Annie: Almost exclusively bums off of other people. Offers a drag of her cig in return. Also gets chatty but not nearly as much as Bert. She’s the one to pick out the movie and she’s the last one to fall asleep. Always jumps for nature documentaries or nostalgic things like Wallace and Gromit.

Marco: Does NOT smoke and sees weed as a gateway drug. Cried when he found out Jean keeps edibles on him and said he didn’t want him to become an “addict” until Jean invited him to babysit a JSC smoke session. Now he dislikes it but tolerates it for Jean.

Sasha: Munchies go with Sasha like milk goes with cookies. Full Mukbang channel with 2 million subscribers. The big draw to the channel is SJC antics and when Niccolo decides to make gourmet food for her to absolutely destroy when high. Eats all the edibles Pieck gives her in like 3 days.

Jean: Has those 5mg Caminos on lockdown in his back pocket to the point where they’ve worn a circular imprint in the denim and he has to clarify that, no, it is neither a tin of dip, nor is it Zyn packets. He keeps the Caminos on hand because they make him more social and relaxed in public without getting too zooted. At home he has a pen but rarely uses it. Prefers 20mg brownies Pieck makes him. Does not smoke with Reiner anymore. (He really enjoyed himself and is scared of the implications)

Connie: spent $600 on a gravity bong because he saw Seth Rogen talk about it. Has a YouTube channel under the name Con-man420 and the videos have titles like “REVIEWING SUPER LEMON HAZExGRANDADDY PURP HYBRID IN 4K HD”. Impossible to tell if he’s high or sober because you’re not ever entirely sure you’ve SEEN him fully sober.

Pieck: Makes edibles. Knows how to make canna-butter and runs a whole under-the-table edible business. Once it was legalized in her state she had a panic attack. When she’s high it’s like her brain completely shuts off and she has to do the little bicep hug with Jean or Porco if they’re out in public so she doesn’t get left behind. Falls asleep every time. Very cuddly and gets handsy depending on who she’s with.

Porco: Smokes out of a pipe shaped like an old-fashioned tobacco pipe. Pieck got it for him as a joke but he loves it. Can do smoke tricks with his pen. Plays Tame Impala and Glass Animals on vinyl and melts into the couch like that one DARE ad

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Thinking about disabled AK!Jason tonite with a disabled s/o

Let's be fr this man could/should be an ambulatory wheelchair user but he won't because he doesn't know that's a thing and wouldn't think he deserved it. If you're an ambulatory wheelchair user maybe one day you manage to lovingly bully him into just TRYING it and it is life changing

He uses his ambulatory energy to do Red Hood shit nbd

if he doesn't use a wheelchair he's got at least 2 braces--shoulder and knee

Baby has chronic pain, arthritis, chronic migraines from being beaten

Missing some teeth too

take this boy to your neuro or your ortho!!!! he is totally unaware he does not need to live like this. better living through chemistry

let's get him some therapy too

you WILL have to go to his drs appointments with him. mans WILL freak the fuck out for ANY medical procedure, has very serious medical abuse trauma. if he can see how your drs help you he is much more likely to go if he can see that you are benefiting from your providers and that they haven't harmed you

if you're scared of drs he will FULLY stand behind you. probably not that healthy tbh but he gets it

having a special Migraine Protocol for each of you (it's basically just a snack and a drink, blue light filter glasses, a sleep mask with headphones for that special Migraine Playlist)

make your own pain scales and talk through frequency of pain bc when you have constant or near constant pain it fucks up your ability to quantify it so making your own pain scale is helpful (he probably uses shakespeare plays or authors. like a 5 for jason is twilight, because you can see some problems but it's fun and fluffy but when you start looking closer OH NO SO MANY PROBLEMS)

pain meters on a wall near the kitchen so you can know what you're working with

CBD patches

the AK suit is basically a giant brace/mobility aid so you help him figure out how to adapt it for his red hood persona, how to make it lighter and allow for greater ROM

will remind you to do physical therapy

resistance bands ALL OVER THE HOUSE

learning bodywork techniques

AT LEAST once a week using a special oil or lotion to work into some of his bigger scars to make the tissue more mobile

giving him a back/neck/scalp/face massage

after a while obvi that's a lot of trust he's putting in you

NOT deep tissue. don't hurt him more. you can have effective therapeutic massage without hurting a person

trager work involves basically shaking a limb and letting the weight of the muscle do all the work but it feels weird the first time and he'd just start laughing at you

specially if you do his glutes

but it feels really nice so he stops laughing and it does help his lower body pain

putting magnesium lotion on each other's neck and shoulders

start to ask each other "are you angry or in pain?"

hand massages

teaching him to stop pushing through the pain

one of his knees is basically bone on bone so you always know when the weather is changing

if u both have bad knees u just don't even when the weather is changing. take some pain meds, use your topical pain reliever of choice, prop those joints up and snuggle in bed. watch a youtube series or he can read to you

heated blankets as heating pads supremacy

occasionally he'll be in pain and the kind of pain where you feel like you're going insane, so as a distraction he will go online and buy a bunch of weird pain-relieving gadgets and you'll spend a week trying them out

(sometimes his pain fog shopping spree is blind boxes, or nail polish, or statement shirts)

all of his siblings know to come to your place if they get beat tf up because your medicine cabinet is UNreal

you're about to give cass or steph a Controlled Substance Pain Reliever and you pause "this is technically drug dealing, isn't it? dOn'T teLL rEd hOOD" jason is literally patching them up right next to you

soft blankets

reminding each other it's ok to take it slow

he's constantly tearing into the other rogues for not having ADA accessible lairs (except Ivy who successfully argued that the plants make it ADA accessible which will do. FOR NOW.)

[listofwhyyouloveher]

Outsiders idea how would the gang react to a friend have joint pain and I love your writing

Summary: The Outsiders with Reader w!Joint Pain Warnings: none Author's Note: none PONYBOY has always had some aches and pains ever since he started track, (on account of his poor warmups and stretches) so he thinks he knows what you're going through. But when you explain your constant grating pain he feels so bad. He never knew your pain was that bad, and he fully dedicates his day to making it perfect for you. Every time your pain flares he's always there with whatever you need. JOHNNY's mom has joint pain, so he always knows how to take care of you. He massages CBD cream into your hands for you when you're in too much pain or when your sleepy. He's always trying to do stuff for you, hold books, move things, just so you don't have to feel that pain. He holds your hand very gently too, making sure to not hit pressure points. SODAPOP feels so bad for you, he truly can't imagine how hard it must be for you. He's not yet a pro at being gentle with you but he tries his hardest and immedietly apologizes when he forgets. He tries not to let your pain stop him from loving you just as much though, and ends up finding endless other ways to show his affection, like giving you gifts for example. STEVE has no clue what to do with himself, especially when you're in a lot of pain. He feels totally helpless because the pain is coming from inside you and he has no clue on how to help. He tries to comfort you by just being near you, being gentle and attentive, + giving you what you need. He recognizes how he'll never understand what you're going through so he's always accomadating. TWO BIT is ever so gentle with you. He treats you like fine china, he never wants to put you under any physical pressure and exertion. He'll do most of the chores for you, and any heavy lifting. He'll get slightly pissed at you for doing stuff like that yourself, reminding you that you can always make him do it. He loves showering you with gifts, and when physical affection is needed, he'll be gentle and never hug you too tight. DARRY is very gentle with you, or at least he tries to be. He sometimes forgets his strength and makes pain shoot up your bones, but he's so apologetic and remorseful. He'll beat himself up over it for a couple of days and you have to comfort him. He's insecure over his strength and your 'fragility' (he thinks of your pain as fragility because he cannot stand the idea of you being in pain, even if you're used to it), and a lot of reassurance is needed. DALLAS is not gentle with you. He know's your tough and you can handle a bit of pain. But at the same time, you'll get a little more special treatment because of your pain. He wont play-fight with you (or as much anyways) and like the others, finds different ways to show his (on/off) affection for you. Like swiping you necklaces and accessories you'd like.

[goatguy7399]

I have had a hysterectomy and lemme tell y’all smthn real quick about my experience.

Pros:

No babies.

No period.

Less dysphoria.

Better mental health literally immediately.

Cons:

No drinking/smoking for set amount of time each. (I use cbd for pain and that is not allowed during Big Pain Meds, after which I can have supplements but not carts)

No sexual anything for set amount of time (both external and internal for different amounts of time).

Body requires so much fucking calories and liquids. Get high calorie food and drinks. You will thank me. It’s annoying how often I have to eat.

For the first 24 hours after discharge I could feel the empty space where the removed tissue once resided. This is a wild experience as my body attempts to adjust to the new space and everything fights to take up as much of it as possible, as if they ascribe to Manifest Destiny.

Currently (day 19) suffering the third day of my belly button nerve being triggered from the inside by my shifting organs. This feels like I still have the ghost of my umbilical chord attached and it’s attempting to pierce me and suck out my insides but it hasn’t figured out the sucking thing yet, as well as it’s made of ghost so it’s just… touching the nerves in a ghostly way. Tartarus hath found me before my soul has left mine body and teases me with what is yet to come.

Farting. So much farting. Also, constipation is the worst. Take your anti constipation stuff. It’s not worth shitting rocks.

Will update with more Fun Facts as they come!

[mj-iza-writer]

I'm getting braces in about a month and, as I'm nervous, it gave me some whump inspiration. Imagine Whumpee needing braces but being terrified of the dentist/procedure/ the pain/ how many years they need them for and Caretaker trying to keep them calm and distracted through the procedure by holding their hand, helping them choose the rubber tie colour etc. Also, if you don't mind, could you write it to have both Caretaker and whumpee female please? I can never find any female whumpee/Caretaker. Thanks!

I've never had braces, but I've had a lot if dental work done and it sucks. I wish you luck with the braces. I hope you enjoy the story. -MJ

"Whumpee we have about an hour before we go to the dentist. Would you like a little CBD oil to help with your nerves", Caretaker watched as Whumpee's hands shook.

"N-no thanks ma'am. I-I'm okay", Whumpee tried to hide her hands in her pocket.

"It's okay to be nervous", Caretaker reminded, "it's an unknown new thing that you are going to do. You can be brave and still have a little help with a calmer."

Whumpee nodded, "I-I know, I just want to know what's going on around me. I don't want to relax, even for a second."

"You know I'll be in the room with you right. I won't let anyone hurt you my dear. I won't leave you, not even for a second", Caretaker gently rubbed Whumpee's shoulder.

"What if they don't let you?", Whumpee's lip quivered.

"They better let me", Caretaker grins, "I've already talked with your dentist. They know that I am to stay with you. They are completely alright with me being in there for you."

Whumpee smiles weakly, "I still think I want to go without the oil. If that's okay?"

"We can do this however you like. It is perfectly fine if you don't want oil, but remember, if you change your mind and want it later, it may not have the same effect."

Whumpee nodded, "if it's up to me... can we just not go? I'm okay with my teeth like this."

Caretaker gently giggled, "you've gone through so much dental work already. It wouldn't make sense to stop short now. Future, you will really appreciate this."

Whumpee sighed sadly, "they better."

"Alright, we still have a few minutes before we go", Caretaker patted Whumpee's shoulder, "go ahead and get yourself together."

The car ride was quiet.

Caretaker hummed quietly to the songs on the radio.

Under normal circumstances, Whumpee would have joined in, but Whumpee quietly starred out the window.

"Alright and we are here", Caretaker parked.

"I think I'm going to be sick", Whumpee grumbled.

"Just take some deep breaths for me", Caretaker reminded them, "I'm right here with you."

Whumpee gulped as they looked at Caretaker. Tears started to come to her eyes.

"Whumpee, I promise, everything is alright", Caretaker reached for Whumpee's shaking hands, "take a deep breath."

Whumpee nodded and tried to breathe. They could only muster a shallow, shaky breath.

"Alright, let's go in", Caretaker spoke gently.

Whumpee sat in the dentist chair.

Caretaker and the dentist were talking to each other at the door. Whumpee could hear some of the conversation, but they were too nervous to pay attention.

"Alright, Whumpee, are you ready to get started?", the dentist finally sat down.

"No, not really", Whumpee smiles weakly, "I'd make a run for it if I knew Caretaker wouldn't chase me down and drag me back here."

Caretaker came around and sat on the other side of Whumpee. They smiled when Whumpee reached for their hand. "I'm right here, I promise", Caretaker whispers.

"Well, we don't want you running. Especially when we get started. Now I'm going to talk you through everything. Caretaker already knows aftercare for you. So when you're done, you're done. Caretaker will just need to schedule your follow up in a few months", the dentist pulled out a kit, "now the big question. What color would you like for your first round?"

Whumpee looked at them questioningly, "color?"

"Yes, we have these bands here that go on the brackets. You can choose any of these colors here", the dentist picked up a few, "how about you and Caretaker decide. I have to check on a patient and I'll be right back."

Whumpee took a quick glance at the color options before the dentist walked out.

"Which ones do you like?", Caretaker whispers.

"I'm kind of tempted to say pink, but I don't know", Whumpee sighs, "I didn't know I got to pick the color. That's kind of cool."

"Yeah? Pink would be a cool color", Caretaker nods, "you're going to do great. I promise."

Whumpee whimpered a little as the dentist looked over their teeth. They then placed guards to keep Whumpee's mouth open.

"That way you won't bite me", they joked, "and Caretaker promised not to bite me as well. So, hopefully, she keeps her word."

Whumpee giggled a little and looked at Caretaker.

Caretaker smiled and bit her teeth together playfully.

"Alright, and here we go. We are going to start with a cleaning. Then we will start placing the brackets", the dentist got situated, "you're an old champ at these cleanings, so this will be so easy."

Whumpee couldn't help but groan as their teeth received the brackets and wires.

"Are you groaning because of discomfort, or does something hurt?", Caretaker asked worriedly.

"Dishumfert", Whumpee struggled, "Eh, donet lek dis."

"We are almost done", the dentist promised, "I just have to add the color. What did you choose?"

"Penk", Whumpee struggles more.

"She would like pink", Caretaker repeats and squeezes Whumpee's hand, "any pain yet?"

"Nuh", Whumpee watches them, then looks at the dentist.

"You won't feel any pain right away, but discomfort will settle in pretty soon as your lips will have to get use to the braces. You will be in pain within a few hours, and that may last for a few days. I will have to make adjustments, so you'll get rather sick of coming in to see me. It is all worth it in the end though, I promise."

Whumpee looked at Caretaker worriedly.

"Caretaker has been given a script for pain meds to help you settle in. She also has your care instructions. You'll want to eat soft foods to start. Caretaker knows all of this though", the dentist pulled Whumpee's lips around, "alright Whumpee, you have braces now."

Whumpee was sat up slowly. "All done?" Whumpee looks at them wide-eyed after the mouth guards were removed.

"Yes, all done. You did tremendous", the dentist chuckles as Whumpee's lips struggle to lay flat, "do you want to see?"

"Yes please", Whumpee takes an offered mirror and smiles big.

"They look so good", Caretaker sees the worry in Whumpee's eyes, "you did such a good job."

"At least they're pink", Whumpee sighs, "that's a bright side."

"Yes, definitely a good choice", Caretaker smiles comfortingly, "are you ready to head home?"

The dentist grins as they stand, "you did an amazing job today. I'm very proud of you for taking this next step for your health."

"Thankyou", Whumpee tries to smile, "my lips don't like these things."

"I know, but they'll get use to it", the dentist reaches for a bag, "a small goody bag for you."

Whumpee takes it and looks inside, "thankyou."

Caretaker carries a bowl of soup out to Whumpee.

"I'm sure you're hungry. This will be gentle for your sore mouth", Caretaker sighs at the sight of Whumpee.

Whumpee sits at the table with her mouth opened wide.

"I don't like this", Whumpee rubs their cheek in discomfort.. "it hurts. Why does it hurt?"

"It will hurt. They say at least the first few days. Your pain is understandable. In a few days, your mouth should be use to it, and you'll be a little more comfortable."

"Until it has to be tightened", Whumpee sniffled, "why did I agree to this? I was okay with them being messed up."

"Whumpee, it wasn't just about them being cricked. Your jaw structure was suffering because of how bad your teeth were", Caretaker sighed when they saw Whumpee wipe their eyes and puff their quivering lip out pass the brackets, "Whumpee, you either have to go through this discomfort now. You are young enough where this problem may be fixed by the braces. Or, you can wait until you are in so much discomfort and you can't even eat. You'll need jaw surgery. You'll have your jaw wired shut and have to survive on liquids for a while. How does that sound?"

Whumpee thought quietly for a few moments.

"I can't believe you're even considering that", Caretaker finally set the bowl in front of Whumpee.

"No... just if that happens... you... you will still take care of me right?", Whumpee whispers, "the dentist said the braces may not solve all of the problems."

Caretaker paused when they realized.

"Whumpee, I will always take care of you. I promise. I'm here to stay", Caretaker promised as they hugged Whumpee's head against their stomach, "I'm not leaving you."

Whumpee burried their head into Caretaker and sobbed. Their arms wrapped around Caretaker.

"It's alright. I didn't know that was a fear you had", Caretaker patted Whumpee's head lovingly, "no, I'm not leaving you. You're my Whumpee now."

After a few more minutes Whumpee looked up. Their cheeks red and wet from their tears.

"Here let's clean you up a little, then you can try to eat some of the soup. I'll give you some medicine as well to help with pain."

"I'm sorry, I-I got your shirt wet", Whumpee looked at them shamefully.

"That's alright, tears never hurt me before. Plus, that's not the only bodily fluid you've gotten on me", Caretaker smiled as they wiped Whumpee's face off, "everything is okay", she whispers, "I promise."

Whumpee looked at her sadly for a moment before smiling weakly.

Whumpee whispers, "if I'm able to stay with you, then everything will be okay."

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived

@sacredwrath @porschethemermaid

@monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz

@bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13

@notpeppermint @cyborg0109

@idontreallyexistyet @painfulplots

@whumpbump @everythingsscary

@skittles-the-whumpee @expressionless-fr

@theforeverdyingperson @legendarydelusiongoatee

@candleshopmenace @whumpanthems

@lavndvrr @ivymyers

@starfields08000 @a-living-canvas

@lumpofsand @watermeezer

@indigoviolet311 @whumpy-mountains

@3-2-whump @risk606

@electrons2006 @paperprinxe

@whumprince @kaz-of-crows

@mis-graves @decaffeinatedtimetraveler94

@sausages-things @castiels-favorite-hunter

@isikedmyself878 @daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud

@valravnthefrenchie @glennemerald

@jasperthecapser @does-directions

@deafeninglittlecrown @jumpywhumpywriter

@blackbirdsinatrenchcoat @mylifeisonthebookshelf

@thenormalestever @whatwhump

@galatic-worm @starmoon-constellation

@bacillusinfection

[lake-spy]

Meeting You At The Subway

Artem x GN! Reader, Song Fic.

check out 12:28 by Jeiven! 1369 words.

small note: It's my first fic that I'm publishing, so I'm sorry if it's odd in a way!

Summary:

—>A few days ago, Artem's car broke down and required repair. As a result, he decided to start using the subway to get to the law firm. Little did he know that someone would catch his eye while he was on the train. Since then, he has found himself using the train often just so that he can see you.

Lately, Artem has been taking the subway train to work. He’s running to come through as he looks around for a nice seat when he sees an empty chair by the window. Artem took a seat, checked the time and sighed. It’s 12 in the afternoon, well, precisely 12:22 pm. He knew he would clock in to work late today, which would be unusual for others to see him arrive so late. He wished that his car hadn’t broken down a few days ago; it would’ve been quicker to drive to the law firm rather than to commute there. Artem leaned back against his seat, closing his eyes and trying to regain his breath after running so that he could reach the train on time. Even though he knew the train would leave at 12:30 pm, rushing there was better than being sorry. He looked at the train door, watching people go in and out; the train was bustling and loud. Oh, but little did Artem know there was someone fair and pretty who would catch his attention.

    At 12:28 pm, you came rushing inside the train, nearly missing it by 2 minutes. You leaned over to a post— breathing heavily before taking a seat across Artem. Seeing you made him forget about the world and noise around him. Now he’s wondering who you are. You’ve wholly caught his attention overall. He hadn’t even noticed how long he had been staring at you until the train started moving and your eyes locked with his. Artem quickly looked away and cleared his throat. Now, he wouldn’t be the one to believe in such absurd things as love at first sight, but when his eyes locked with yours? It felt like fate. When Artem looked back at you, he noticed you were still on him; it honestly almost made him blush out of embarrassment. He took note of how your eyes sparkled like diamonds underground.  

You looked so simple, yet when you started smiling, it was as if he had caught a glimpse of heaven. How cute… He quickly shook his head at that thought and mentally berated himself for even thinking that you were cute. You are a stranger and don’t know each other well. He shouldn’t be thinking like that towards you. He looked away from you, averting his attention from you. Instead, he focused on the window. He swore he nearly heard you chuckle at him.  He wondered if you caught his tired and weary face; Artem hoped you didn’t.

You smiled softly at the sight of the handsome stranger before you. It was cute how hard he tried not to seem flustered; although he was trying to hide it, his ears were visibly red—it almost made you chuckle. You knew that you would much prefer to do your daily routine while you were on the train, which was starting your work through your phone. But right now? You would much like observing the pretty man with beautiful brown hair and striking blue eyes like aquamarine gemstones. While you would much like to keep your eyes on him, you did not want to seem like a creep, so you searched inside your bag for your phone; only then would you see the book you’ve been meaning to start but never had the time for. 

You’ll just read the book for now while sneaking small glances at the man before you, though you quickly got immersed in the book before you could even glance at him again. 

Throughout the ride to the CBD station, Artem wondered if he said “Hello,” would you say it back or just ignore him? The train arrived at his stop before he could even stand up and shoot his shot. Artem sighed and grabbed his stuff. As he did so, he noticed that you’d put away your book and grabbed your bag, standing up to leave. It seems like this was your stop as well. Though, he can’t waste his time talking to you right now. He’s already late for work. So, with that being said, he quickly left the station and made his way to the law firm while you went the other way. 

....

..

.

From then on, Artem took the subway almost every other day just to catch a glimpse of you. While his car was already fixed and he could have started driving to the Themis Law firm instead, he chose to commute. The first time he saw you was on the first of December at 12:28 p.m. For any other person on the train, that date would be irrelevant, but to him, it signified the feeling of fate from seeing you. 

Today, the train was calmer than before; he didn’t have to rush through the door. But alas, Artem had to, hoping to see you once more. He entered with a small smile, looking around for a seat down the aisle. It was 12 in the afternoon, 12:22 pm, the same time he had come here on the first time he had to use the train a few days ago. Artem had noticed that he hadn’t seen the familiar (your hair colour)ed stranger. He frowned a bit but knew deep down that he’d eventually see you again in just a moment. He eventually found a seat. It was by the window again. Artem knows that window seats are pretty, but it would be better if you were with him. Never in his life had he been so mesmerised by your pretty (your eye colour) eyes. Eyes that shine like stars in the night sky, eyes sparkling like diamonds. He wished he could look at them for a bit longer than just small glimpses. 

Artem sighed and looked out the window, then at his phone, looking for some sort of distraction for the moment. But, his mind drifts off elsewhere. He wonders if it would ever be possible for your hands to intertwine with his. He wondered how soft it would be, and even if it weren’t as soft– he wouldn’t have minded as long as he held your hand. Eventually, he heard the familiar footsteps enter the train. At 12:25, he saw you seated next to the sky (window). As if almost immediately, his heart jumped at the sight of you.  

As the train goes by, Artem loses track of time. 

Eight times Artem met you at the same place and time if only he had known and noticed all the different signs. You caught him staring at you seven times in six stops today, and in five seconds, he had already forgotten where he was going and which way. It was a bit embarrassing for him, and it could’ve been if you hadn’t approached him, finally making a move on each other after so long. He looked at you with blue eyes, a little surprised to see you approaching him. You would have been lying to yourself if you hadn’t noticed how your eyes locked on each other longer than usual. 

“Hey.” you greeted first. A voice so warm and welcoming, and boy— did his heart nearly leapt out of his chest. Artem’s voice got stuck in his throat for a second; he looked away from you and cleared his throat to regain his composure. 

“Hey…”  he greeted back, his voice a little strained, and oddly enough, it sounded nervous. He never expected to hear himself sound like that. And as a response to hearing his own voice, his cheeks burned light pink. It was such an adorable sight for you. You chuckled a little before you took a seat right next to him. 

“Y/n, and you are?” You smiled. 

“Artem… Artem Wing.”  

“Well, Artem, I believe it’s finally time we started getting to know each other. No?” You replied with a slightly cheerful tone, tilting your head and grinning right at him. His heart fluttered at the sight. He only gave you a slight nod, returning your smile. 

Perhaps this could be the start of something new between you. Perhaps he was right about meeting you as destiny. He’ll be forever thankful for meeting you on December 12:28