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#i actually really like these low fucking key
yellowwwcrayon · 1 day
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More Professor Logan x Student Wade Thoughts (Take 2)
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Variation of the prior post, young Wade's actually doing freelance shady shit for Francis (or Ajax as he insists) and Angel as a branch of the Weapon X program, and he's supposed to get DNA from Logan for a new batch of some serum they're injecting orphan kids with. Little Canadian psycho's confident he can get close to the Wolverine (who's retired now and teaching at the Xavier School) and obtain Logan's DNA.
Fails to factor in how hot the old man is in real life. Wade's read all of his old comics growing up in his broken abusive household. Logan's low-key his favorite X-Man, but the first thing he asks when he meets Logan is if he's banged Storm like the comics suggested and it pisses Logan off. Wade's becomes obsessed with him even after delivering the blood samples he promised Frances and Angel. He's like, I can do better, guys, give me some time.
And cut to a few weeks later, he comes back with a weird thing of white stuff in a test tube. Frances tests the contents out of morbid curiosity and it is, indeed as they feared, downstairs juice from the Wolverine mixed with Wade's DNA. He's like, what the fuck did you do? Why's your saliva and some of your cheek cells in here?
Wade's like, told you I could do better. 🤷‍♀️
Meanwhile Logan's freaking out about blowing his load in a student's mouth and breaking into the liquor cabinet after being sober for ten years. (Yes, Wade sows chaos into old man's life just for shits and giggles. Poor Logan, but not really.)
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I was literally thinking about them just now 😮‍💨 @watmalik idk, Wolverine Origins Wade just hits differently. He gives off weird obsessive little pyscho/toxic bf vibes. No wonder his girlfriends are all exes now.
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Hello :D
I have been following you for the last year or so (a few days after I got my Tumblr lmao) and I absolutely love your art!
I have been wanting to study your art style for a while but don't really know where to start,,,
Could you please show me a small portion of your art process, if it isn't too much trouble of course. Thank you and have a nice day!
hello. oh my god. this took forever to find. im sorry it took 2 WHOLE FUCKING MONTHS for me to respond to this but i wanted to put it off until i felt happy with my art process again, so here it is
my fall 2024 rendering tutorial! (this will be very very long)
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FLATS AND WHATEVER YOU WANNA DO WITH LINES GIRL. then make sure to recolor the lineart to better match your base. trust me it helps, bold dark lines are Not your best friend when rendering. wait for that post-rendering
i start off with a doodle or a sketch, and then filling it in with flats and other details such as blush
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FIGURE OUT YOUR LIGHT SOURCE. FIGURE IT OUT GIRL YOU CAN DO IT you can make it as simple as possible, make it as big as possible, dont even THINK about the details.........just make it really fucking big so you at least know where the shadows and the light goes THEN add smaller shading details LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME OKAY!!!!!!!!
my key point with this is for you to learn lighting fundamentals. it's SOOO ANNOYING but alas......they are all correct. it helps a lot.
one thing i also really want to point out is that i like creating a big shadow shape first before fixing up the little details (such as folds and whatever) because it helps me focus on the way the lighting actually works instead of tunnel vision-ing into making the shading make sense on the clothing.
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contact shadows (i dont remember if thats what theyre called okay) theyre fucking ugly because im not actually thinking sorry 💔
okay so basically: contact shadows (if that's what they're called) are the spots in shading and lighting where light will NEVER hit.
shadows are still influenced by the colors and lights around it (it's why a blue shadow and a yellow shadow feel completely different, despite both being shadows) so it's not always COMPLETELY dark. BUT! there are small points in shadows where light never hits, and they're almost always super dark or pitch black.
it's hard to explain shadow and light so briefly for a tutorial, but you'll notice it when watching fundamental studies and when trying it out for yourself
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YES i unclipped the multiply layer YES its ugly and terrifying but it makes coloring the multiply layer easier okay the colors merged w multiply so now it looks cool and has depth overlaying colors that actually make sense
so basically what i did was color the multiply layer that i used to shade the overall drawing
adding a band of red/orange/yellow around where the light hits, and blue where the shadows get big and wide, gives it a fake ambient occlusion effect in the way that a person would get if they stood under the sun with a clear blue sky
the colors don't have to make sense, especially because i never draw backgrounds, but coloring the shadows really help it give a sense of depth and extra subtle detail and effect that just helps make the painting look nicer
around the end, i also put in colors (in an overlay layer with a low opacity brush) that actually make sense in context of the drawing, which is the lit cigarette and the yellow eyelights mostly because none of the colors were making sense and i needed to actually make use of the lighting that DOES exist in the drawing lol
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adding a muddy golden yellow pin light layer (opacity turned down to like 40-50%) to make the light colors less ugly lol
i SWEAR by the fucking pin light layer style. it's so useful and so so underrated.
i used an almost brown-ish gold color on stop of all the layers, and with the pin light layer, it helped make the bright (almost blue-ish) white colors more warm and more yellow. it just helps make things more warm (something i prefer)
i could probably show what it looks like without adjusting the layer opacity to truly show off what i mean (like in the coming section) but i sadly forgot to do that lol
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make a layer on top of your drawing with this color in these ranges YES the drawing is fully merged NO don't be afraid, the base was fucking ugly anyway 💔 make this layer into an exclude/exclusion layer style TRUST turn down your exclusion layer opacity from a range of 10% to 40% literally until you're happy with the contrast and the way the color over the drawing. use your eyeballs. i know you can do it im so proud of you
this is pretty self-explanatory instruction-wise, so i'll go into why i do this instead
i really like art that seems like it has low contrast, with almost mid-gray shading and lines. i don't personally use dark and bold lines and shading, unless i find it necessary for the tone of the piece, so using this method helps lower the contrast of the art and make it look "pleasantly muddy" in the way that it's easier and softer on the eyes.
the inverted blue color also helps makes things warmer! the exclusion layer style is still a bit of a mystery to me but i really like the effect it gives, even if i don't completely get how it works lol
if you want an alternative method to this, and if you have access to it (because i primarily use sai and sai only), i absolutely encourage you to play around and experiment with gradient maps. there are so many out there you can make yourself or even get from others that just give the painting an extra amount of depth and color variation. they're SO fun.
personally, if sai2 gets a gradient map update, it's over for y'all it will literally be so over no one will be able to stop me
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then i merged everything and actually adjusted the contrast back up because it was looking too muddy for me 💔 but the color adjustments are still there so all hope is not lost here's a comparison of the adjusted contrast in black and white (adjusted on the left) (newly merged layer without adjusting the contrast on the right)
as you can see, i actually turned the contrast back up (despite talking all about how i liked things with less contrast lol)
i wanted to demonstrate that doing adjustments should be done in moderation, and is why i adjust layer opacity often when making color effects you are free to play around with colors to help your style, but don't lose your initial idea and colors along the way. you still need to trust your own colors and intuition!
along with that, i just want to say that it's completely okay to change your mind mid-painting, and it's okay to make somewhat drastic changes. don't be afraid to change things you don't like or change your mind about certain aspects way later on that's basically the whole thing of this!!! don't be scared!!!
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now im gonna hold your hand when i say this..........but you need to learn how to render by yourself. it seems like i can teach you but i literally can't, because rendering is different on every piece and depending on how clean your base is. i have to render A LOT because of how fucking ugly my sketches are LMAO to simplify it, think of it as obsessively cleaning up every detail you can see, but with a color picker and a clean, hard edged brush. if you have shit lineart, you don't have to redraw it cleanly over and over, just paint over it. that's basically what rendering is
THIS especially is where you need to be brave and stop being scared. like i said, i can't teach you how to render, and it's something you have to discover yourself because rendering is something that will always be personal to every single piece you make. the way you render on every piece is different. on one piece, you will barely need to render, and on another, rendering is more than half of your ENTIRE process.
don't be afraid to paint over your old art. rendering is a process that's both very perfectionist yet also very careless. find your balance and just go for it.
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and then that's it……..u did it………..now yuo know how to paint and render. it's literally just layering shading and lighting knowledge until you think it makes sense and looks okay lol additional note: since i render in only one layer (you don't HAVE to do this, but it'll be harder for you…), i also made slight adjustments with the transform (and liquify, if you have it) tool to make things more proportionate. (i drew the head too big lol)
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if you compare the finished piece to the final unrendered base, you can see that a LOT changed, including a bit of subtle proportion adjustment. particularly, the sleeves changed A LOT (because i really didn't like them) but it's also over all cleaner and more coherent, instead of having haphazard colors and shading just thrown about.
rendering is when you finally use all 100% of your brain to finalize and figure out where the shading should go, where to clean up your lines, where to ERASE or ADD BACK in lines, and make sure all your colors look coherent.
it's not as intimidating as it seems, i only use a hard edged brush with a little bit of color mixing and my color picker. it's like dragging and dropping colors to cover up mistakes, it's really quite fun when you get used to it i wish i could explain it clearer but it's hard to describe without visuals!
i hope this helped, and i hope all my yapping isn't annoying (art as a special interest beloved)
have fun studying and trying to render in my art style!
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pygmi-says-hi · 2 days
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writing tips - sick/poisoning fics
so since you guys ate up the injury thing like holy fuck 1.5k notes in 24 hours??? hello?? I thought I'd do a semi-related one about sickness.
disclaimer because you guys thoroughly reminded me of this: medicine is fucking weird and everybody reacts differently. this is blanket statement information, not the mayo clinic. idc that 'oh my cousin had that disease and he didn't have that symptom' okay whatever like sorry but that's not the point of this post. this is just to eliminate egregious mistakes. I'm not looking into every possible way this illness will show up. chill your tits. the comments on the last post were just like. dude. chill.
aurkay so.
poison-related illness.
okay poisoning is such a cool concept and there are literally so many cool effects it can have. Idk why everyone goes with the holy trinity of hallucinations, fainting and nausea. like yeah those are good but there are so many other things???
like internal bleeding. literally the best. I love it. It's slow but hella deadly and sometimes people can't even feel it/don't know what's happening. that's such a great option for whump or some angst. like they didn't know until it was too late. gold.
also - some poisons are not dissolvable in food or drink. Like certain medicines, they lose effectiveness if digested instead of injected intravenously. obviously you don't have to know that but if you wanna get into it, do a lil bit of research. could bring up some intriguing scenarios.
infection or sepsis
yoooo. sepsis is lowkey terrifying. infections are similar to actual illness but are caused because of an unsanitary wound. lots of interesting symptoms to browse here:
fever, cramps, fainting, hallucinations, dehydration, delirium, nausea, sores, sepsis, organ failure and on and on and on.
infection happens so fast too. like forget to change a bandage once and boom it could be infected. (is that a whump opportunity I hear...?)
sepsis is like the point of no return pretty much. Unless you've got crazy medical technology, sepsis is really really bad. basically, it's when the body overreacts and starts to damage its own tissue. leading to organ failure and then eventually death. spooky.
regular illness
this just means like a virus or something. a key point of viruses is an elevated temperature and dehydration; the body's primary responses. burn the bug out and dehydrate it.
depending on the illness, symptoms will vary. respiratory infections or viruses involve congestion, coughing, sore throats, a rattly breathing sound, and productive coughing (phlegm and mucus). Stomach illnesses include cramps, nausea, dehydration, dizziness, low blood sugar, weight loss, and diarrhea. these can overlap but mostly those are the groupings.
with fevers come achy joints and sensitive skin. fever is inflammation, like mild swelling everywhere because of how intense the antibody reaction is.
dehydration sets in really quick. really bad dehydration induces dizziness, nausea, diarrhea, delirium, lethargy, and fainting. great motivation for a whumper to possibly restrict whumpee's water intake...?
just some prompts! kinda low energy today sorry I haven't been posting, xox
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iwassupremacy · 3 days
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Perfect Girl
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Sawamura Daichi x f reader
Part one
Summary: It’s been a few days since your night with Daichi and even though you exchanged phone numbers and he texted you, you haven’t yet gathered the courage to answer him and even less to see him again. But you can’t stop yourself from wanting more.
Warnings: smut, aged up characters, softdom!Daichi, sub!reader, inexperienced!reader, sub drop (low key?), age gap of 7 years LEGAL OFC, thigh riding, nipple play,
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“YOU HAD SEX?!” your best friend screams and dramatically slaps her hand on her mouth. You visibly cringed and looked away. “Don’t say it. Makes it real.” You mumbled.
“I’m fucking saying it. It’s fucking real, Y/N. You got laid. And looking at the way you’re blushing, it wasn’t bad. I would even dare to say you enjoyed yourself.” She laughed pointing at your neck “And clearly he enjoyed you too.”
You groaned. “Shut up. I’m lost. I don’t know what to feel or to think.”
The look in her face changed to something way more empathetic. She scooted closer to you and wrapped her arms around your fragile figure. “It’s okay, babe. How about you tell me about it first? If you want to.”
“He said all that?! Ohh he’s a talker.” Your best friend was literally kicking her legs in the air and squeaking. You frowned. “What?”
“You know, some guys don’t really talk much during sex. They just do their thing and are pretty much quiet while doing it. Some guys don’t even do anything tho. That’s when you have to take the lead.” She explained.
Your eyes widened. The idea of taking the lead in a situation like that frightening to you.
“But from what you just told me he sounds like he’s got both down just fine.” She calmed you
“Anyway, what next? What did you do? Do you have his number?”
You bit your lip and told her about the night three days ago.
After Daichi made you trink what felt like a gallon of water, you obviously had to go to the toilet. Finally peeing after he annoyed you about that all night.
Not once did he leave your side, checking up on you and asking wether you were fine or not several times.
It made you feel all giddy and made your stomach twist in a very comfortable way. But you still couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling inside you.
You just lost your virginity. Your virtue. To a random man you met at a club.
Sure he made it very clear that he was interested in you beyond just sex and assured you plenty of times that you didn’t have to sleep with him. But still.
What if that wasn’t true? Or worse. What if you did go on a few dates with him and all your chemistry got lost after immediately doing it?
How would you explain this to your parents? You probably shouldn’t. Would he ever meet your parents?
“You’ve been sitting on the toilet staring at me for more than 10 minutes now, sweetheart. I can see the wheels turning in your pretty head. What’s going on?”
You got torn away from your thoughts by his voice and only then realized you were actually staring at him standing across from you, leaning against the sink with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Oh. Nothing. I’m sorry for making you wait.” You quickly wiped yourself and flushed the toilet.
You stood up and now the two of you were just a few inches apart, both still naked and staring at each other.
Daichi’s brow raised. “No need to apologize. You are definitely thinking about something, don’t lie to me. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay.”
Once again his natural dominant behavior and especially his communication skills left you blushing and looking away.
But he didn’t have it. Instead he took your face in his hands and made you look at him again. You quickly realized tonight that he was a fan of eye contact and verbal answers.
“Come on. Let’s take a shower first.” He gently took your hands in his, kissing your forehead and leading the way into the shower.
The hot water soon hit both your hair and skin as well as Daichis and made you relax. Without realizing you had held a breath that you now finally let out.
For a good while neither of you said anything, just standing next to each other, enjoying the hot water.
But for some reason the silence made you doubt yourself. Did he not like your performance? Would he send you home after your shower and never talk to you again? Maybe he was like this with all girls and just did what he thought he had to?
You were clearly not the only girl he had slept with recently and it made you… jealous? Insecure? Maybe both.
He probably had a lot of comparisons he was thinking of right now. You for sure weren’t the best he ever had.
Your thoughts were interrupted by your own loud sob. Your eyes widened immediately and your hand went to cover your mouth. You didn’t even realize you were crying.
Daichi didn’t say anything and instead put his hand on the back of your wet hair and pushed your head into his chest, hugging you to him.
His second hand landed on your back, gently brushing it with his fingertips.
-
Later the two of you were lying in bed, your head on his naked chest and his hand in your hair, both trying to get some sleep.
You hadn’t talked since your little breakdown in the shower and even though you knew Daichi was probably doing it out of respect for you and not because he was angry, you still felt bad.
“I’m sorry about crying in the shower. That must’ve been so offensive to you.” you mumbled, tracing shapes with your finger on his stomach.
“Don’t. Don’t do that. I know all of this is new to you, that alone is a valid reason to feel overwhelmed. And then all that stuff with your family has to be rough. I get it, don’t worry. And you’re definitely not the first girl to cry after having slept with me, I can be a lot in bed.”
You looked up at him with a confused expression “What do you mean? I didn’t feel like it was too much.”
“I said a lot, sweetheart, not too much. Besides you didn’t get the full experience. Or did you think a power dynamic like this was the average experience, hm?” He winked at you, chuckling when your face visibly heated up.
“I- I don’t know what’s average, but I was wondering what all those hints were about…” you mumbled.
“You’ll see soon enough. If that’s what you want of course? Maybe you’d prefer someone softer who’d let you lead if you want?” His face tilted a little to the side with a questioning look.
“I don’t think so? I liked it that way. I mean I don’t know anything different, so it’s just- I am-“ you sighed “confused. I feel exhausted and anxious about what’s to come.”
“That’s okay. Don’t feel pressured. I am sorry to have asked you this when I knew you were struggling. Let’s just sleep, okay? The world will look much different tomorrow.”
You simply nodded but didn’t move, still holding your body up on his chest and looking at him. “Daichi?”
He didn’t reply and instead just raised his eyebrows. Your stomach twisted in a funny way but you still didn’t look away from him.
“Kiss me, please.”
Daichi grinned, wrapping his arms around you and turning the two of you over so that you were now lying under him.
“Of course, sweetheart.”
“Wow. That’s like… such a green flag?? What a man. What happened next? Don’t keep me in the dark here!” Your best friend demandingly snapped her fingers in front of your face.
You cleared your throat. “I left. I-“ you closed your eyes and sighed “I snuck out in the morning while he was still sleeping.”
Your best friends jaw practically hit the floor. “Why would you do that?”
“I don’t know. I- I felt bad, I guess? He was so nice and I am new to all of this. I can’t give him what he gave to me. The communication skills and confidence, I don’t have that.” You rambled, playing with your hands.
“Oh baby.” She pulled you in a tight hug, wrapping her arms around you again. “Look, from what I heard, he is very understanding. So I don’t think you need to worry about that at all. And confidence is something that can be gained. And communication can be learned. It’s not like your parents teached you much when it comes to those things.”
You quickly looked at her, eyes blown wide. “That’s another problem. How do I explain any of this to my parents? They will absolutely abandon me if they hear any of this.”
“Don’t tell them. Y/N, you’re 23, they are not entitled to this information. It’s your life. Your body. Your choice. I know you learned that your opinions and needs don’t matter but that’s so not true! And I think Daichi would be great at teaching you this.”
She silently giggled “Among other things.”
You groaned, letting your head hit her shoulder hard. “I have his number.”
She squeaked. “Even better! I would’ve just asked Sugawara for his number but if you have it already, we can text him now!”
Your face heated up. “He already texted me. I didn’t reply.”
“Rude. Come on, let me see.”
unknown: Hey you, when I woke up this morning you were already gone. Are you okay? Please text me once you see this, I’m a little worried.
saturday, 10:06 a.m
“Girl, you didn’t even safe his number?? And you completely ignored him! Not on my watch. We’re replying now.”
“But-“ “now.” She interrupted you. “How about something along the lines of ‘sorry I had a lot to think about. Would you like to meet up and talk about some things?’ How does that sound?”
“I don’t wanna meet up and talk about some things… he makes me nervous.” This was something you so far hadn’t even admitted to yourself. He made you nervous. What did that mean for you?
“Very cute. But you still have to see him again, babe. If you want this to work that is.”
-
Daichi was just heading out of the police station when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Quickly he looked at him expecting an important call.
What he saw instead surprised him.
Y/N: Hey… I’m so sorry for ignoring you… I had a lot to think about and needed some time, but I’m good now. Would you like to meet up?
thursday, 2:34 p.m
He didn’t expect to hear from you so soon or at all to be honest. But that wasn’t to say he wasn’t glad you answered him. One might even say he was relieved.
Ever since he woke up and you weren’t there anymore he had an anxious feeling in his chest because even though he wasn’t surprised when he couldn’t find you, he still wanted to see you again.
The last time Daichi was in a serious relationship, was a very long time ago and although he was content with being single and having unattached flings, he felt at the age of 30 it was time to settle down.
Of course he would’ve never imagined to meet a random girl at a club who was not only seven years younger than him but also extremely inexperienced. But he couldn’t help it.
You were constantly on his mind and he wanted to show you every thing you were missing out on so badly. Not only sexually but in general.
Due to his dominant character, Daichi was used to being the caregiver and in charge in his previous relationships but with you it was different.
He wanted to protect you, provide for you and make you forget every bad thing that had ever happened to you. He wanted to take you away from your unsafe and toxic environment and show you love. Real unconditional love.
Which was kinda crazy and new to him, considering he only knew you for six days.
Naturally Daichi immediately answered your text once he got in his car.
Daichi: Don’t worry about it. I just got off of work, do you have time right now?
thursday 2:46 p.m
To his surprise you quickly texted him that you could be ready in an hour and you agreed to meeting at your favourite café.
Daichi smiled. You would meet again in an hour and he wasn’t just nervous but also excited to see your nervous composure which you would for sure have. You were cute like that.
-
You brushed down your dress on last time, looking down at your body. You were wearing probably one of the most revealing outfits you had ever worn.
Just two weeks ago you would‘ve gasped at the black dress at it’s low cut neckline, that heavily exposed your cleavage, or the fact that it ended in the middle of your thighs, exposing your legs.
“You had sex with this man, y/n. Wear the damn dress.” Your best friend had said. She also made you shave.
Which was only a little embarrassing to be honest.
“I’m not gonna do it.” you had complained. “If he sees it, I’d seem desperate.” She had only laughed at that. “If he sees it, you had every reason to do it, honey”
She was right with this of course but it still felt weird. If your parents or anyone from church could see you like this, you’d be in big trouble.
“You gonna go inside or just stare at the door?” A hand got placed on your lower back and you immediately jumped.
Your body tensed and all the hair on your body was suddenly standing up.
Just when you wanted to turn around the hand removed itself, brushing your hair off your shoulder. “Relax, sweetheart. It’s just me.”
“Daichi!” You shouted, almost too excited. You went to give him a hug, but stopped yourself. How do people greet each other that are romantically involved?!
Daichi raised his eyebrows at your action and chuckled, hugging you to his chest. “How are you feeling?”
This chest vibrated against yours while speaking, making your body tingle from how deep his voice was.
Slowly you broke up the hug by pushing at his chest. Your hands remained on his chest and you thought of how you were touching him there just a few nights ago when the two of you were naked and how much he seemed to enjoy it.
Your eyes widened in shock. What an inappropriate thought. Embarrassed you took a step back, staring at him with blown eyes.
Once you noticed the amused look on his face you quickly looked back down at your feet again. It was almost as if he knew what you thought.
“How are you feeling, y/n?” He asked again, eyebrows raised again, staring at you a little too intense.
“Good, I think. You?” You tilted your head slightly to the side looking at him through blown eyes. Daichi doubted you even noticed the innocent look on your face.
“You think?” He frowned, slowly starting to push you in the direction of the door of the café.
You almost stumbled at the gesture, luckily catching your step in time. “Yes, been a little… in my head?”
“I see. There’s a lot to talk about, hm?”
You simply nodded at that, walking through the door Daichi held open for you. “Thanks.” You muttered.
Daichi bit his lip at that. He just loved how polite you were. So well behaved.
“Where would you like to sit?” You turned around and asked him. Again Daichi bit his lip, this time you noticed of course, staring at them.
Quickly you cleared your throat, shaking your head a little. “Ehm, I like window seats but we can sit wherever you like!”
“A window seat sounds perfect to me. Choose your favourite one, sweetheart.”
You opened your mouth to protest, you asked him to choose, but you figured Daichi wouldn’t give in anyway so you just opted for your regular seat by the window.
Once you had taken you seat, Daichi pulling back your chair and having you sit first, of course, a waitress came quickly to take your orders.
You chose your favourite caramel latte and a brownie while Daichi unsurprisingly sticked to a simple black coffee and nothing else.
“So… how was work?“ You awkwardly asked, avoiding eye contact. Daichi chuckled and shook his head a little.
“Unadventurous, I got some paperwork done for the most part. What is it you do, exactly? You never told me. I remember you dodging the question several times last Friday.“
Of course you dodged a question like that after all he had said about the religious beliefs of your family. You swallowed thickly and just when you were about to spin some lie for him, the waitress came with your order.
Immediately your shoulder relaxed which Daichi realised, furrowing his brows. Still he politely thanked the woman, his eyes never leaving your shy frame though.
When she was gone and he still looked at you, not saying or doing anything, you felt yourself starting to squirm.
And then the inevitable happened. You began rambling.
“Did you know that in some parts of the world it‘s not allowed to call oat milk, oat milk? Because milk is defined by being drawn from a living animal and therefore-“
Suddenly Daichi grabbed your aggressively gesturing hands, shutting you up right away. “What are you talking about?“ He laughed.
“Sorry“ You muttered embarrassed by your own behaviour.
“Were you trying to make me forget my question?“ He still had a smug smirk plastered over his face.
“No! Yes…“ his smile grew at your nervous breakout, muttering a quiet cute to himself.
“But it wasn‘t on purpose! Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed or just don‘t know what to do I start talking about the most random stuff because I can‘t deal with uncomfortable silence and silence is always uncomfortable.“
“You think so? What about when you were at my place, hm? There was a lot of silence between us, did you feel uncomfortable then?“ His head tilted slightly to the side, mustering you.
You sighed defeatedly. “No, of course not, but that was different.“
“How so?“
You sighed again. No way out of this conversation. At least you made him actually forget about his earlier question. “Because I wasn‘t uncomfortable, I guess? I don‘t know.“
“Sounds very reasonable, sweetheart. I feel proud you are comfortable with me. But you still managed to successfully dodge my question, hm. There‘s no job to be embarrassed about or will you be in trouble when you tell me, because I‘m a policeman?“ He tried to lighten the mood.
You managed to laugh a little, but still looked worried. Daichi feared he hit a nerve and just when he wanted to reassure you that you did in fact not have to tell him anything you don‘t want to, you spilled.
“There‘s no job to be embarrassed about because“ you mindlessly picked apart your brownie like a little kid would “because there is no job at all.“
Daichi only smiled a pitiful smile at that, his thumbs caressing your wrists. “That‘s it?“ He chuckled.
“Baby, you made me think you did something highly illegal or inappropriate. Why are you so embarrassed?“
You frowned, almost angry retreating your hands from his grip. “I‘m not just embarrassed, I am ashamed. I‘m in my twenties and have never worked a single day in my life, Daichi! What does that make me?“
“In your case a young, confused woman. If it‘s so horrible for you, why don‘t you change it?“
You swallowed thickly, now this topic again. You bit your lip, looking away from him and that‘s when he understood.
“Your family doesn‘t allow you to have a job, do they?“ He asked and you slightly shook your head at that. “Poor girl. You really have some issues to resolve, hm?“
You silently took a bite, the fork straying in your mouth for a little so you could subconsciously chew on it.
Daichi watched you for a few seconds before pulling it out of your mouth. You came back to reality and looked back at him with shocked eyes.
Your hand quickly covered your face. “Oh God, sorry! I‘m acting as if my life is terrible or something. Most people would probably be happy to be financed by their family and do whatever they want without working for it.“
“Don‘t apologise, I get it. You want to decide things for yourself and not depend on your parents for everything in your life. You don‘t want to be treated like a child.“ He concluded.
You paused for a second, looking at him through blown eyes. “Yes. Yes! That‘s exactly it. They are trying to make me depend on them, need them until I have a husband I can depend on and stay home and take of our children. I don‘t want that for myself.“
“And that’s fine, sweetheart. You‘re a grown woman, you can do whatever you want. I know that sounds impossible, but it‘s not. I can help you.“ He assured you, taking a sip from his coffee.
You smiled your first real smile for the day. “I think I would like that.“ Your smile dropped “But it‘s not gonna be easy for me… I tend to run away from my problems and ignore them.“
Daichi blew air through his nose, laughing. “I could tell.“
You blushed behind your mug. “‘M sorry.“ You mumbled.
“It‘s okay, I thought this might happen before things even got heated.“ He looked at you, winking. “Don‘t do it again though and don‘t ever ghost me afterwards. I was worried about you.“
“I‘m sorry. I was just so overwhelmed and I didn‘t want to make you feel like it was your fault that I felt this way and I figured it would be best if I handled things on my own.“
“You shouldn’t feel like you have to deal with things on your own. I want to know things, y/n. Talk to me, only then I can understand and help you. The things we did that night can be overwhelming just on their own, especially if done for the first time and with all your stuff on top, I wan‘t to be there for you.“
You put both your hands on your hot, reddened cheeks and simply nodded at his statement.
Daichi raised his brows, urging you to answer. Which you did with a mumbled ‘okay‘. For now he just accepted that.
-
Later when the two of you had finished your drinks and food, it was already getting dark and the shop was about to close.
“Let‘s get out of here, okay?“ Daichi suggested and you nodded.
He stood up before you could, taking your jacket and pulling his hand out for you to take. Of course he paid, too.
You smiled and shook your head a little. Waiting for his change at the register, he heard your laugh, looking back at you with a smirk and raised eyebrows, looking gorgeous in his leather jacket.
You bit your lip, looking back at your phone, where you were texting your best friend about what a gentleman he was being right now.
When he came back, Daichi put his hand on your lower back to lead you out of the café.
“Are you here by bus or is your car parked here somewhere.“ Daichi asked in the parking lot.
You scrunched your nose. It was getting quite cold. “Bus. I don‘t have a driver‘s license.“ You admitted.
Wordlessly Daichi took off his jacket, putting it over yours and said:“Let me guess, your parents said you don‘t need one.“
You nodded and he shook his head. “I‘ll drive you then.“
-
The drive was rather quiet, only the occasional directions given by you interrupted the comfortable silence between the two of you.
For once, you didn’t feel the need to ramble. For once, you enjoyed the silence.
The only thing that got your heart racing, and embarrassingly enough your thighs squeezing, was his hand resting on the inside of your knee every time he had to look back or the car came to a halt.
Of course Daichi noticed you squirming but spared you the embarrassment of saying anything. He couldn’t help but smile to himself tho. Cute.
Once you arrived at your apartment, his hand once again landed on your leg, this time a little higher, squeezing your thigh.
“Meet me again this week, hm? I can’t seem to get enough of you.” He chuckled and started rubbing your leg on the inside with his thumb.
Again you squeezed your legs at that, immediately clearing your throat to distract him from your uncontrolled actions.
“Okay…” you murmured, avoiding eye contact with him.
Daichi chuckled again, slowly removing his hand from your thigh. Without a second thought you grabbed it, looking at him wide eyed.
He just raised his eyebrows at that, smirking a little. But when he didn’t say or do anything except for staring back at you, you all of a sudden felt incredibly nervous, letting go of his hand again.
“Sorry! I don’t know why I did that.”
Without a word, Daichi just smiled and just pulled his seat back, spreading his legs a little.
“Come, sit.” He said, patting his thigh.
Your eyes went even wider. “No, no. The space is-“
“Plenty enough. Sit now.” He said again, this time a little firmer, making it almost sound like an order.
Once you unbuckled your seatbelt, finally did he budge by lending you a hand.
You looked at him, feeling a little helpless but still awkwardly took it and started climbing over the middle console. Daichi watched you with an amused expression.
You clumsily landed on his lap, but only on one of his legs, your core pressing against his thigh. You looked at him with hot cheeks and put your hands on his shoulders to push yourself up again.
When you tried to move and sit on both his legs though, he stopped you with his hands on your waist. “Don’t. Like this is fine.”
Your eyes went even wider, if possible, your hands squeezing his shoulders, still trying to push your weight up. When he carefully, but with force, pulled you down, you could only yelp surprised by his sudden action.
“Are you sure? I know I can be quite hea-“
He interrupted you by putting his hand on your mouth and as if on instinct you grabbed his wrist, with both of your hands.
Diachi took in the sight in front of him with dark eyes, his pants growing incredibly tight. Your eyes were innocently blown, cheeks flushed, thighs squeezed together around his own and hands holding onto him. He had to resist the urge to lower his hand a little and wrap it around your tiny neck.
He groaned at his own, intruding, yet appealing thought. But when he saw the unsure look on your face, he was painfully reminded why he couldn't indulge in such actions with you, at least not yet.
So instead of doing what he so painfully wanted to, Daichi let his hand go through your hair, putting some loose strands behind your ear and giving you an understanding expression,
"Don't finish that sentence, sweetheart, or it will wound my pride." He laughed at your confused look with the little head tilt, you probably never noticed.
But instead of explaining what he meant, he very slowly, very carefully pulled you against him.
Your chest hit his, your arms curled around his neck, having your fingertips play with the hair at the back of his head.
You subconsciously sucked your lower lip between your teeth, biting it.
He car was deadly silent, so was the parking lot and for the moment you forgot that any one of your neighbours could come by and see you like this.
Not that they would care.
Still biting at your lip, you admired the face of the man below you. Sharp jaw, deep brown eyes, a little stubble on his chin, fluffy, short hair.
Your thoughts were disrupted by Daichi’s finger pulling your lip out of your mouth with his thumb, caressing it in the process.
You gasped at that, leaving your mouth open a little, perfect for his thumb to find its way inside.
At first only a little, testing the waters, but when you didn’t resist, Daichi chuckled, this time differently, it was dark and fucking sexy.
It made you whimper and when he pushed his thumb all the way in, you couldn’t help but let out a full on moan.
You can feel your entire face, ears and neck heat up from embarrassment, but you didn’t care anymore, when Daichi, with a hoarse, deep voice orders you to suck.
Without a second thought, you do as you’re told and you wonder if he has you wrapped around his fingers right now, if you would do everything he told you. Probably.
“Good girl. You’re so perfect for me, aren’t you?”
You look at him through hazy eyes when his thumb leaves you with a quiet plop of your mouth.
You can see him swallow thickly, hands wandering down to your ass, squeezing your breasts and hips in the process.
“You tell me if any of it gets too much, okay?” He asks, kneading your ass.
You’re overwhelmed, fisting his shirt but he still has your cunt gushing and clenching.
“Yes. Kiss me, Daichi, please.” You whined, pushing back against his hands.
Your clit rubbed on his rough jeans perfectly from your movement, making you whimper. “Oh~”
“Feels good, hm? Keep moving if you like it, princess.” Daichi kissed your throat as he let his hands wander under the skirt of your dress.
His fingertips felt a thin layer of lace, making him frown. He looked up again your red face.
“Where are your granny panties? I liked those, you know.”
You blew air in your cheeks, letting out an embarrassed squeal. “I just thought maybe you’d like these better?”
He couldn’t help but smile boyishly at your confession. “So you hoped we might have sex today?”
Your eyes grew wide at his bold statement. “No! I- just in case. My friend- oh god this is terrible.”
Your head fell forward, hitting his chest. You could feel it vibrating when Daichi laughed. “I’m just teasing, sweetheart. Wear whatever you feel like wearing.”
You laughed a little at him and for a few seconds you didn’t look up, gathering your courage. “So about that kiss-“
Before you could even finish your sentence, Daichis lips were already on yours, his tongue licking your lower lip, gently nibbling at it.
You sighed, your body relaxing against him, one of your hands burying itself deep in his hair, the other brushing his face while desperately letting him in your mouth.
Daichi’s hands grab your hips and with a little force, he gets you to move again. Your wet cunt rubbing on his leg.
Your breath stuttered at the friction, your eyes squeezing shut.
But you couldn’t stop moving, slowly rutting against Daichi’s leg.
After he realised, you’d move on your own, Daichi slowly started to pull down the straps of your dress, exposing your bra.
It was lacy as well without any cup, exposing your hard nipples. It probably matched your panties and Daichi would love to see it, but the sight of you humping his thigh was much more inviting.
You were pretty much in your own world, barely realizing him removing your bra until he twisted one of your nipples, making you jump and gasp.
Your hips fastened, hands desperately shaking, fisting Daichi‘s shirt and hair.
He was still playing with one of your breasts, while his other hand was slowly moving up your back.
“You okay, princess?” He whispered in your ear, his hand tangling in your hair, slightly pulling your head back to expose your neck.
You moaned at that, quickly nodding your head.
Of course he wouldn’t have that, his hand leaving your chest and touching your neck and chin again. “I asked if you were okay. Answer me properly, sweetheart.”
Your eyes went wide, lips parting slightly to let out a quiet whimper. “I’m okay. Daichi, please. I can’t~ hah.”
Your hips were still moving, slower than before. Daichi raised his brows at you, hands now cradling your face.
“Fuck~” he cursed under his breath. You were literally perfect, with your blown eyes, messy hair framing your face, lips swollen and face read.
“What is it, sweetheart? Tell me, come on.” He leaned in really close, his lips brushing yours. “I know you can do it.”
Your face went even redder, heat spreading all the way to your ears and neck. “I can’t~” your breath hitched “I can’t- cum like this.”
You let out an embarrassed whine, trying to hide your face. He didn’t let you though, still gripping your face.
“Hmm. Thank you for telling me, princess. Such a good girl.” He said against your lips, lightly biting your lower lip and pulling it.
Once again you whined, your hands gripping his biceps. Your hips stopped, thighs pressing together around his leg.
“Come on, princess.” Daichi chuckled, tapping your thigh. “Spread your legs for me.”
You bit your lip, slowly swinging your leg over his, now fully sitting in his lap.
Daichi started getting more comfortable in his seat, pulling it all the way back, sliding down a little and man spreading as far as this position allowed.
You looked at him with hot cheeks, legs now equally spread. Everything he did was just so attractive to you.
So of course you couldn’t keep in your high pitched moan when he pulled your lower half towards him and pushed your back against the steering wheel.
Your dress slid up all the way to your stomach like this, leaving only your lacy, wet panties to cover you up.
Daichi looked at you, taking the way you gave yourself to him so willingly in, smirk plastered on his face.
Suddenly his eyes darkened, expression changing to something that almost looked like possessiveness.
“Fuck I love your body, princess. Especially your titts, don’t get me wrong. But they’re for my eyes only, do you understand?”
You just looked at him with a frown, head slightly tilted to the side, not fully understanding what he was trying to say.
Daichi chuckled again, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe you didn’t understand him. He looked you straight in the eyes, intensely mustering you.
Without another word he slowly pulled the straps of your dress up again, his fingertips brushing your arms in the process, making you shiver.
When he was done, his hands gripped your shoulders, massaging them just the tiniest bit before moving down to your hips.
His eyes were still on you when he quietly said “I’m going to touch you now, okay?”
You squirmed at the thought of that, nodding and letting out a breath of what sounded like an “okay”
One of Daichi’s hands went even further down, pulling your panties to the side and sliding his middle finger from your hole up to your clit.
You hissed at that, trying to close your legs. Which of course Daichi didn’t have, his free hand was now gripping your leg, forcing it open a little more.
to be continued…
If you ever wondered what the man of my dreams is like. This is it. I made myself blush with this skandnwnskwnqne
I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did!
I am also kinda embarrassed how long it took me to write this… part 3 will hopefully not take as long… no promises, though it is already in progress
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mirrorofliterature · 14 hours
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my strong percy weasley opinions:
- queer
- autistic
- actually liked by the majority of the school body
- got his jobs because he's fucking competent
- he left his family because it was dysfunctional (although he did also do some problematic stuff but like. three years ostracisation from your family for snapping once is a bit extreme) NOT because he was put under fucking imperius
- he's really not a bad person. he is simply an antagonist because he doesn't like dumbledore for valid reasons
- stop acting like he's the devil in disguise just because he follows rules :)
- the twins are, unequivocally, dicks to him and it's low-key their parents fault
I know Percy is flawed. He is stubborn, and sometimes socially inept, and extremely emotionally constipated. But God help me, if people act like Arthur is the victim in the fight -
Anyway. Percy Weasley rights.
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I understand you despise Warren and think he's the Real Villain of Life is Strange, but he's literally 16. He's a Minor and you comparing him to Frank who is an Literal Pedophile who Grooms Rachel when she was a Minor too is actually disgusting. you can interpret this as Male Apologism or whatever, but holy shit be more reflective of the things you post online.
I don’t despise Warren lmao
Like first off, Warren is a fictional character- who gives a fuck if he is a minor or not??? He isn’t real? I can dislike characters of any age.
Second, yeah, Warren isn’t as bad as Frank. He is just an annoying boy that hasn’t really learned the meaning of no or how to read social cues from girls. Doesn’t mean that he can’t annoy me or that it isn’t annoying that people dismiss the reasons why people don’t like him (namely that Warren is a realistic example how the boys/men that annoy us in real life) or dismiss that there is proof in game that Warren gives Max the creeps.
Also don’t tell me to reflect on anything that I post. I refuse. This is my blog that I post random shit on- you’re a guest and if you don’t like me saying Warren is low key a loser that some people in the fandom coddle because they think he is cute then go away. Shoo. Go on. 
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retros-artandstuff · 5 months
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sollux (close ups under break)
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huldrabitch · 3 months
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I know a lot of people don't want Cullen brought back for various reasons, BUT it would be really satisfying to have just a minor voice acted appearance of Cullen done by anyone else than Gregg Ellis to distance the character from him.
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dailykugisaki · 2 months
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Day 278 | id in alt
At least one of the students is a horrid menace to both curses and curse users. I was beginning to lose hope.
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v-tired-queer · 3 months
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*thinking about cis-swap Solangelo* Nico's name would be Nicolette, obviously. But what about Will . . . Willie? No . . . Willow?? Pretty but idk . . . *gasp* WILMA--"
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renegadeknight · 5 months
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ooooo so interested in Treacherous!!
Okay this one is still very much an outline/mess of notes so I don't have any snips to share and it's probably the one I'm most shy about, idk why exactly, just feels like it would be less interesting to other people, so I'm just vibing by myself lol.
Anyway! It is an Anna!Lives AU where she ends up as a FEDRA lab rat for ~10 years and escapes right after Marlene finds and sends Ellie off with the fireflies. So then Joel and Tess take Anna to try to catch up at the state house but they miss them. Tess still gets bit (sorry) and then it follows Joel and Anna across the country to try to track down Ellie and as they spend more time together Anna keeps telling him more and more about little Ellie from when they were together a few years before they got separated. By the time they catch up to Ellie, Joel's ready to level the hospital for a kid he hasn't even met, and her mother.
Fun fact, I actually mentioned this one in an earlier chapter of Stubborn Love. It's one of the books Ellie gets at the library 😁
Thank you for the ask!
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themanwhowouldbefruit · 6 months
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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im going to cry this is actually healing me
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magentagalaxies · 6 months
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having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not
#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th#idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self#like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me#but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in#but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them#and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad???#which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended???#but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????''#even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half#if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it#(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out)#but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender)#and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting#which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he#and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that#but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender)#was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels#scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself#which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing.#so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender#bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine#and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it#but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college
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doctorwhoisadhd · 5 months
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also another reason i play picc despite it causing my migraines is because i can use it to win arguments. Like any other instrument you have no right to complain about piccolo being "too high" when i am playing it and it gives ME migraines. like. ok coward. what do u even have to complain about
#also its literally NEVER the flutes or oboes (who sit on either side of me) complaining even though they are third closest lol#(first two closest being my right ear and my left ear respectively btw)#ive had them be like wtf thats so high when im on a REALLY stupidly high note but its always in solidarity with me lol#complainers are always like trumpets and low brass and its like Damn that sucks dude.#It must be so hard for u to be like 20+ feet away from it at all times. Sounds like the hardest thing in the world its a good thing nobody#in the ensemble has to specifically be exactly that distance closer to it. Say about 3in away Per Ear. That would just be. Awful#disclaimer picc is fun i love playing picc its great#other benefits include: small i can just put it in my backpack :) flute can also do that but only if i dont have a ton of stuff in there#actually easier to play faster passages than on flute bc the keys are smaller and therefore lighter#marching picc is great cause you dont have to worry as much about rain cause its so little#and also people Will hear u#fun fact my picc that i own has problems with the cork in the headjoint being loose#and therefore the crown and everything can just. Come out. (NOT supposed to happen)#so their name is Lottie which is short for. Lobotomy.#which reminds me i need to take her to a repair shop again bc not only is that cork loose AGAIN (i dont think they actually replaced it the#first time which is Annoying) But Also the glue on the pad on the A flat key has come out a few times. Which strictly speaking i can fix#myself bc its just hot glue and a lighter but it gives me an excuse to be like Hey. Replace the fucking cork this time okay? ive soaked it#about 8 million times and it didnt work. Its dried out i PROMISE it just needs replacing#maybe ill mention im a music student so they believe me
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steampoweredskeleton · 10 months
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Ignore
#delete later#god i wish i was neurotypical#found out my flatmate is going to be away for a few days after they left and bc id had no warning my anxiety spiked so hard#that i had such a wave of nausea i had to lie down#idk why that fucking happened. ridiculous. irs not like it really affects that much. just the thing of my home being changed in any way#without warning freaks me the fuck out. couldnt do any work til id laid under my weighted blanket at lunch#and like obvs this is an entirely me thing. i dont expect my flatmates to tell me every detail of what they're doing#not sure how to keep myself from freaking over it though. will think on it#but yeah. if i was neurotypical id be fine. i also want to play ky video games after work but im akways so exhausted that all i can do#is lie in bed under my weighted blanket. it is so frustrating. im so tired. not helped that pain is fucking me up in new ways#so im also upset aboit that. and that christmas is approaching abd that changes the routine completely#and is always overwhelming#but this year im staying home so i will be able to keep it quiet and low key and it'll be just me so i dont have to think about#masking in any way which is kind of nice as even the vibe of Christmas takes a lot oit of me#i enjoy the thought of it and always hate the day. same as my birthday. fun in theory. incredibly stressful actually#idk whether it's work stressing me oit long term but right now any change to what im expecting from my routine is making me#so so so frustrated and upset#i had to go get meds after work on tiesday and became so upset by it that i was awake until 1am and was super nauseous#not enjoying that as a primary symptom of anxiety rn. i find eating hard enough as it is#the hair washing routine has given ne sone stability this week which was very nice abd made me feel calm. abd mt physio routine#the energy it takes to do it is outweighed by the relief i get when ive done that part of my routine and then go to bed#work is hard. working full time is so hard. im coping but not well. defo think i need to try getting regular therapy sessions if only#to help me plan for what i need to do and work through coping strategies bc im really hitting a wall. i need to problem solve all#these things but im so exhausted that i can't. so they just keep piling up
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