#i am always happy to share snippets etc

[becausebuckley]

IS EDDIE GOING TO LOOK AT BUCKS NUDES??? I need this so badly wow when will you post it? Or could I have a snippet please🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

hehe he might look at those... the fic is for today's 911 kinktober prompt, so it should be up later today (for reference, it's 4pm for me rn and i usually post between 9-10pm)! but here's a little sneak peek - under the cut for mildly nsfw purposes:

“What if he's right, Eddie? What if my nudes really do look weird and everyone’s just been too polite to say anything? Cause, like, I used to send them a lot, you know? Before we met, when I was still Buck 1.0? What if I’ve been sharing really bad pictures with everyone? Shit, what if my dick really does look weird?”

“Buck, your dick doesn’t look weird,” Eddie immediately says, cutting off Buck’s spiral.

It really doesn’t. Eddie’s only caught the occasional glimpse in the firehouse showers, but he does his best not to, you know, look, out of decency to everyone there. Still, he’s seen enough to know that there’s nothing wrong with Buck’s dick at all. Quite the opposite, actually.

“See, but here’s the thing, I wouldn’t know,” Buck stresses. “Like, I used to sext women only, you know? I haven’t seen that many hard dicks. Maybe there’s something super wrong with mine, and I’ve gone all my life going ooh, look at me, I call myself Firehose, my dick is so cool and big and stuff, and everyone was just making fun of me behind my back!”

[ikeukiss]

CHEMTRAILS | 전원우

⟢ PAIRING: jeon wonwoo x fem!reader ⟢ WORD COUNT: 11K ⟢ GENRE: angst, smut, sprinkles of fluff ⟢ TAGS: heavy themes of grief/death including a mentioned drunk driving incident (do not tread lightly if these topics are difficult for you to read), minor character death (including a child, but it is all offscreen), coworkers au, pet names (baby, doll, etc), light breast play, fingering, protected sex. ⟢ SYNOPSIS: Wonwoo is the last person you expect to find at a grief support group, but he may just be the peace that you need to weather all of your storms. LINK TO FIC PLAYLIST -ˋˏ✄┈┈ AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is an incredibly personal story for me, as I have suffered parental loss and it is one of the hardest things I've gone through, but in a way, writing it out has helped heal a small part of me, so I am happy to share this with you all. Bless to my friends beta-ing this for me—Allie (@lovetaroandtaemin), Raven (@shadowkoo), Lily (@prkhaven), Sulkie (@innocygnet), and Tiya (@gyubakeries), and everyone else who read snippets of this before it became what it is now. The fic's title inspo is from a song by Lizzy Mcalpine!

GRIEF DOESN’T END, BUT IT CHANGES SHAPE OVER TIME.

The white text over the image of a pastel sunrise initially made you gag when you stepped into the room, the church’s banner haphazardly put up to prepare for today’s session. Now, it’s all your brain can focus on as the surrounding attendees share their stories. The initial greetings stopped thirty minutes ago, with many at the waterworks now to your secondhand chagrin. Others nod and provide supportive commentary, but you don’t have it in you, silence the only usable response. A few people you recognize from the first few weeks surround you; others are brand new, red-faced as they meander through the reasons for their attendance. 

The four walls reek of silent regret and raw sadness, the sniffles and coughs of those trying to hide their pain sticking to the air like heat on a summer day. You’d prefer it to be a hotter season, if only to focus on something else but the ridiculous text looming over you. But the winter chill that accompanies the gloomy atmosphere is another unpleasant reminder of the dangers of wishful thinking.

You could say all the stories and puffy expressions don’t hit a nerve somewhere deep inside of you, but then you’d be a liar. As you’ve learned in the past year, though, you’re getting very good at hiding and denying.

 It’s been forty-five minutes of passive listening on your end, but your attention remains on the chalky slopes of text against the yellow sun disappearing into the mountain formation.

“It’s been six months, and I still don’t know what to do. When I think I’ve gotten over one stage, I’m reminded of something that sets me back.” One attendee you’ve known from the start, Suzy, continues on while staring into the coffee cup in her hands. She’s typically meek in tone, solemn while her hands stay in her thick coat as she recalls the details of her twin sister’s battle with leukemia. But today, there’s a new aura about her, something clipped and biting that is unique to see in this place.

Maybe she’s on the stage of anger this week.

“You know I’ve said healing isn’t linear, Suzy,” Seungcheol, the director of the group, says in a supportive tone.

“I get that, but can I get a break from feeling more than one stage at once? For the love of God.” She blanches immediately and mutters out an apology, making you chuckle to yourself.

You used to think that the phenomenon was a myth, a way for people to rationalize their pain by separating all of it into clear, definable chunks. While you’re now well acquainted with each piece of grief, they all remain a mystery in your eyes. You’re unsure who to ask for the right answers, and you’re not opening your mouth now to humor the group with questions.

The plan has always been the same: attend each session like you’re supposed to, get your slip signed off, and go home. That was the routine for the past two weeks, nothing more to add or subtract. When people addressed you, you weren't unfriendly, but you didn't offer any information. These things considered, you’re adamant about keeping with tradition for the remaining six meetings, including this one.

Yet, the second the door of the church opens, and you see Jeon Wonwoo enter, you know it’ll be impossible to continue staying under the radar.

Wonwoo apologizes profusely as Seungcheol pulls up a chair for the newcomer. Wonwoo’s wearing a scarf that covers a substantial amount of his face, but you’d recognize his wire-frame glasses and that black mop of hair anywhere. He may barely be an acquaintance, but he’s not terrible to look at. “My car was giving me trouble this morning, so—”

“No problem, man,” Seungcheol cuts him off. “Nobody’s late here. You’re always arriving somewhere at the moment you’re meant to, I always say.”

You roll your eyes and tuck your arms tighter into your chest. The older guy always has a plethora of slogans for personal growth up his sleeve. You reckon he probably made the fucking sign with the awful font and stereotypically hopeful photography? It’s anyone’s guess, but you have a good one.

Some hair falls into your face just as Wonwoo sits across from you in the large circle. You think that just might save you from being seen, but recognition crosses his face out of the corner of your eye, and you curse under your breath, knowing you’re fucked.

Jeon Wonwoo, from the legal team at the publishing house you both work for, sees you, the quiet girl from the marketing department. He must have some idea why, given his department’s close relationship with your higher-ups, and that makes your intestines twist in a way akin to food poisoning. You think it may be the perfect time for the world to split open under your feet and take you away, but that’s only a dreamer’s level of luck.

“So, Wonwoo, you’re a newcomer, as we can see. What brings you to the group?”

Wonwoo stutters on an explanation, his cheeks turning a shade of pink. “I think the lady before me was in the middle of her story, but maybe I can share after.”

Seungcheol winks in acknowledgement and goes back to Suzy, continuing where they left off in their discussion. “So, for the stages…”

You feel the heat of Wonwoo’s gaze from across the circle. He’s probably trying to decipher just exactly what led you to this place. Not the church, per se, but the situation at hand. Tired of the burn of his irises on you, you turn your stare on him. His eyes look small under the guise of his glasses, but they enlarge considerably when you make it known you’ve caught him ogling. With your mouth in a thin line but your eyebrows quirked up, you send him a silent dare to continue staring. To your pleasure, he pales and turns away, looking in the same direction as everyone else as Suzy continues on with her rant.

Any secondhand inkling you had to share with the group before the end of the program dies with the turn of Wonwoo’s head, and you prefer it that way. His presence gives you an excuse to not break from routine. Not like you were going to, anyway.

“He was there?” Wooyoung ruffles his hair in secondhand embarrassment, the sound of his nervous expel of breath drowned out by the music in the bar. The local hotspot was a mere five blocks away from your work, and it rarely became overcrowded before you guys had the chance to leave, so coming around now and then with your best friend was still doable, even under your circumstances. It was hard to say no to Wooyoung when he gave you such toothy grins and pleading words. “You barely come out anymore, at least try to spend some time with me for a bit? It’ll be good for you.”

He had to be the only person left you could stomach being around, and the last man on the planet who could handle your latest less than sunny disposition.

Wooyoung immediately goes back to making his shot for the solid blue ball close to the top left-hand pocket when you shoot him a glare that even he can’t joke himself out of. “You think he’ll say anything?” he asks as he moves his pool stick back and forth, testing the waters of the angle he’s chosen to hit the cue ball from.

“I hope not.” You groan and knock your head against your pool stick. Replaying yesterday afternoon in your head, you barely could get through the workday filled with pitch proposals and strategy meetings. You couldn’t help but wonder if Wonwoo was lurking around every corner of the building, waiting to discuss how he saw you and tease you for something not meant for teasing. He didn’t seem like the type to do so, but you expect less and less from the male population with every passing day. “He probably already knows about what happened anyway.”

Wooyoung hits the ball, but it veers a little too far for the shot to be completed. He swears, an audible “fuck me” rolling off of his tongue. You make haste going for the striped orange ball, and with no seconds to spare, you hit it into the center right cup. You land another two before your best friend has a chance again, but it doesn't matter. All that’s left for you to shoot in is the eight ball.

“One day I’ll manage to get close to beating you.”

“The night’s still young,” you respond before chugging down what’s left of your bottle of soju. The alcohol goes down your throat smoothly, but it doesn’t soothe the itch that still sits under your skin. With another few drinks, and you teetering on the line between buzzing and full-blown drunk, you think you’ll be able to forget the feeling exists.

That sting only intensifies when you see a handful of guys from the legal team walk in, Vernon and Jihoon trailing behind Wonwoo’s towering form. Their presence causes you to miss the eight ball entirely, the cue ball slowly rolling towards a pocket until it falls in.

“Goddamnit, man,” you curse. You reach for your drink, but you curse again when the empty bottle touches your lips.

Before Wooyoung can ask, he turns his head to see the men going up to the bartender and gnaws at his lip. “Maybe they won’t notice us?”

“That’s as likely as you getting a girlfriend,” you tease. You pull a couple of dollar bills out of your pocket and set your pool stick down when you see the men edging away from the bar-top. It may be a risk when they’re still so close by, but your dry mouth tells you to take the chance. “I’m gonna get us another round.”

You place your hands firmly on the shining wood of the bar, the gloss of it contrasting with the rough calluses and paper cuts across your hands. A few fingers beckon the bartender over with a new set of soju bottles. The green glass that holds the liquid refracts against the overhead lights. It’s so bright, you don’t notice the figure whose shadow mars their outlines.

“Didn’t think you were the drinking type,” Wonwoo finally pipes up. Where his voice yesterday was quick and bashful, and his typical tone at work is clinical to the letter, the cadence of it now is warm, like a smooth pool of honey.

His arm brushes yours as he places a few bucks of his own on the bar for the bartender to take. The contact raises gooseflesh across the space where his skin met yours for the briefest of moments. It sends a new itch up your spine, one that’s barely familiar and on the cusp of foreign. You lie to yourself with careful precision, swearing in hushed tones inside your brain that it doesn’t ignite a long, burnt-out flame somewhere inside of you, and you almost believe it.

Almost.

“I also didn’t used to go to work-mandated support groups, but here we are.” You aim your bottle in his direction with the slightest of tips, a sarcastic salute that doesn’t make your secret any easier to address out loud. You sip gingerly, the pull of your lips from the bottle long and slow, but the alcohol holds no solution for your bitter tongue or sick stomach.

You know this, and you drink anyway. It’s better than the alternative.

Wonwoo’s the one who takes the bottle from your mouth. A few dribbles of soju trickle down your chin, but before you can snatch it back, he says, “I’m not going to say anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

���I wasn’t worried to begin with.”

He nods with a close-lipped smirk, in no way believing your glib. The bartender brings three gin and tonics for Wonwoo’s troupe, and you can’t hold back the giggle that erupts from deep in your throat. “Typical.”

“What? G and Ts are too good for you, miss marketing expert?” Vernon and Jihoon call their coworker with a loud shout of his name when they see their drinks are ready, but Wonwoo throws them an expression that shuts the younger men up.

“Who said I was an expert? That’s Soobin’s role, anyway.” You tut your head in a random direction. You have nothing to prove to Wonwoo, but you take pride in your job being higher than one of meager content creation. He chuckles, and the sound tickles your ears in a way you push down. “I’m a trend analyst.”

“Oh, really? Is that why you don’t speak during the meetings? You’ve already predicted that sharing is a waste of time?”

You sober immediately at his questions. You grip the neck of the soju bottle tighter as you try composing an answer, anger prickling the base of your neck. What can you say that gives nothing away and keeps with the pre-set banter, all while you remain even-keeled? You land on, “It’s not like that,” and make your move to walk away, bored with the conversation now.

Wooyoung looks over at you like you’re crazy, and you know the thoughts immediately swirling in your best friend’s head. You haven’t flirted with a man in probably half a decade, at least, but if the nerd isn’t getting any, the very least you could do is entertain some sort of romantic attention for the two of you.

Wonwoo grabs your arm softly, his fingers setting the same fire the contact from before did, but it holds an entirely new scope and set of stakes. “Humor me. What’s it like, then?” His voice is featherlight, gentle in its prodding. He holds no judgement, his earlier words only teasing but clearly striking a nerve in you he’s trying to amend with his new tone.

You avoid his gaze, finally landing back on the pool table where Wooyoung awaits. The kernel of an idea pops up alongside your smile. “Play me for it.”

“What?” Wonwoo chuckles, perplexed. You point towards the table with your index finger, and Wooyoung immediately turns his head, attempting to hide his spying to no avail.

“You win, I’ll tell you why I’m in that group.” Your smirk grows, the cheshire cat smile that now adorns your face growing with every word. “I win, you tell me what you were doing there yesterday in the first place.”

You put a hand between your incredibly close bodies, a fact you did not realize until you offered some ante for Wonwoo to chew on, and he takes the bait like you expected him to. “Deal.”

He shakes your hand firmly. It’s another set of touches that warms you to the bone in a way liquor never has before. You shuck that information to the side as you walk to the pool table with Wonwoo hot on your heels. He stops to deliver the drinks to his awaiting team, but he makes it to you with a few quick strides.

“Want me to break, or do you need to prove you can play first?” you ask with the same tantalizing smile you wagered him with.

He takes a hefty sip of his tonic and licks his bottom lip to catch the alcohol that threatens to spill over. “By all means.”

If only he knew how stupid it was to let the lady go first this time.

Wonwoo stares down into the pocket the eight-ball just flew into. While he’s mystified how you managed to just destroy his record and prove him wrong in a matter of ten minutes and three plays, you smirk openly. It always used to bug ex-boyfriends and situationships when you were better at a more masculine task or hobby than they were, but you always flicked their comments back with a middle finger and a nonplussed demeanor. It’s a delightful change of pace for someone as attractive and confident as Wonwoo to be mystified by your capabilities, even at the expense of his pride.

“She beats me all the time, man. Don’t sweat it.” Wooyoung tries to walk up and rustle your newly defeated opponent on the shoulder. He thinks better of it when Wonwoo gives him the same glare you threw at the younger guy a short time ago.

Your best friend offers to grab you another drink as you laugh, but you shake your head. “Gotta head home. Carat can’t feed herself.”

Wonwoo gives you a quizzical expression as Wooyoung leaves, and you respond with, “My fish. Very adamant about her feeding schedule.”

He flashes a high-wattage grin, and the feelings he’s stirred in you tonight try to scratch their way back to the surface, but you repress them once again. It means nothing, anyway. You won’t act on it, and the guy is probably ready to hightail it back to his friends by now.

He offers to walk you out, and all your preconceived notions upend themselves into the air. Wooyoung pulls you by the shoulder when you say goodbye and whispers, “If you miss out on that guy now, you’re even more ridiculous than I thought. And I’ve seen you suck your thumb while you sleep, remember that.”

When you make it to the driver’s side door, you remember it’s time to collect your payment. Now or never. “So, gonna tell me why you were in the group yesterday? Or will you chicken out with the best two out of three rounds?”

“Easy, I’ll tell you,” he says, concealing a grin until his next words come out. “But, it’ll be during dinner tomorrow night. My place?”

You gulp down heavy air, again recognizing the clear proximity of your chest to his. You can see the slow rise and fall of his upper body, his heart steady but clearly put on edge. He’s patient but barely, waiting for you to either accept the invitation or decline with bated breath.

“Why?”

You don’t mean for the word to come out the way it does, one-fourth hopeful and the remaining three-fourths speculative. It’s not like you’re unappealing under normal circumstances, but the girl who would’ve jumped at the opportunity for a date with a cute guy is not who’s standing in front of Wonwoo right now. You want to be her, trade your place for hers to make the smile on his face brighten, but you’re unsure how to get her back, and if there’s any point.

“Because I owe you, don’t I?” You shrug your arms, not saying no but not giving him confirmation either. “And you’re not the type to not collect when you’re owed something.”

“What makes you think that?” Some of your fire returns as you cross your arms, body posture exemplifying your intrigue.

“Because you wouldn’t have bet against me knowing you’d win if you were.”

There’s no witty remark or sarcastic comeback that comes to mind. He so easily saw through you, it scares you into saying yes right there. But, even while ruminating for a moment, you search for reasons to deny him of your company, and you find none. If tonight wasn’t so bad, what’s one more without expectations?

“Sure,” you finally say, and he gives you the grin you were looking for that could go toe to toe with any city streetlight. That mesmerizing, gum-revealing grin that makes a part of your knees weak.

You knew he was nice to look at from faraway in the secrecy of your cubicle, but it’s at a new level now, one that’s unquellable.

On the drive home, as you replay his smile in your mind’s eye, you know without a doubt that the buzz in your veins isn’t just because of the soju still lingering in your bloodstream.

It’s not, under any circumstances, a date. 

You parrot the words as you move around your bedroom, the clock on your dresser practically screaming at you to leave while the day is young. Work ended an hour ago, and you’re still stumbling on what to do about your attire.

No way is this a date. I’ve been on them before, I know it when I see it.

The recesses of your mind try to commit every sentence to memory as you put on lipstick, curl your hair, and throw an old dress under a denim jacket. It’s habitual to look nice for a new person, you remind yourself. It’s not like Wonwoo won’t welcome you into his home if you’re wearing a greasy t-shirt and pair of sweatpants, but you digress. You’re simply collecting on your payment, and if he takes it any other way, that’s his problem to deal with.

The ride to his apartment is tense, to say the least. A million thoughts run through your head while you grip the steering wheel tight during every turn and stop through the city to his downtown complex. You try to make light of the building that greets you, thinking about how much legal counsel must make to afford such swanky living spaces, but it doesn’t help. Your hands tremble, no matter how forcefully you clench your fists to stop the shaking.

He’s Wonwoo, a guy who has an interest in seeing you outside of a professional setting, and you’re you, half emotionally composed on your very best day as of late. You have some basis for being nervous, no matter what one would call the meeting arranged between you two today.

He called it dinner, so you’ll start there.

Greeting you at your door in a black V-neck and gray jeans, he looks too clean for someone who must’ve been lounging around before you arrived. “You look nice. Got a hot date or something?” He bites his lip in satisfaction when you huff out a breath of air, blowing off his harmless dig.

“I’m here for the information I won last night. And the plate of food you promised me.”

He beckons you inside with a smile and an arm pointed inside, and you walk through the threshold with all the knots in your stomach, reminding you of their presence with every step.

Wonwoo’s living space appears to be stereotypical for a guy in his mid-twenties. The apartment’s all dark wood and grey wallpaper, from his industrial bar table to the kitchen marble, but he’s made it his in his own way. Some action figures line a bookshelf near the kitchen, and a guitar sits on its stand in the corner of the entertainment center dominating the living room. But you glean little pieces of information about him from the tchotchkes that surround you. The black cat plushie that sits on the sofa, the NASA magazines he must have a subscription for, and the sounds of jazz playing low on the TV all indicate the quiet eccentricities of his personality.

He’s a secretively unique guy on the page and in person, and you admire it. Some part of it scares you, how easily you’ve grown accustomed to him in a few short meetings, but that’s not anything to mull over right now.

“I was just fixing the pasta when you showed up. You can sit anywhere.” He moves his head in either direction of the couch or the table, but you saunter over to his side instead.

The aroma of the tomato wafts across your nose, the sauce definitely homemade rather than store-bought. You peer over into the pot, the margarita-covered penne mixed in with vegetables and meat. “Who knew you could cook?”

Wonwoo chuckles, hearty and deep, as he stirs the food in the pot. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me yet.”

Yet. He says the word with such relaxation, like it’s inevitable you will discover more information about him. Like he’s certain you’re not going anywhere. It has to be a delusion of the future filling him with such confidence, without a doubt.

Shortly after that, the table’s decorated with towering plates of pasta and a lit candle at the center. The mixed scents of vanilla, jasmine, and tomato sauce blend harmoniously somehow.

You share small talk about Wonwoo’s cooking skills and your pool abilities over dinner, bantering throughout with the dry humor you delivered yesterday. Wonwoo takes it all with a smirk, volleying it back at you with charm that makes you forget your dinner exists altogether. You don’t eat all the food on your plate, but you’ve never been more full.

Both of you migrate to the couch with your glasses of wine, leaving the plates on the wood’s high-top and getting comfortably lost in more conversation. Suddenly, you remember exactly why you’re there, and you turn the tides of the conversation to address the purpose of your attendance. “So, the support group.”

Wonwoo laughs into his glass, shaking his head in a gesture that tells you he was just waiting for the inevitable. “What do you wanna know?”

“Why were you there?”

Wonwoo’s smile turns small, still bright but a tad dimmer, and a stone sinks down deep into your stomach. “It was my mother’s birthday that day. She died three years ago in April, but her birthday is always the hardest day for me to get through.”

“It was a sudden sickness, one that we didn’t expect her to get.” He runs his thumb along the ring of his drink, his finger leaving an opaque smudge. He looks back up eventually, the ghost of his small smile haunting his features. “I’m just grateful I had the time with her that I did before it was too late, you know?”

Wonwoo’s words reroute all the knots from your core to your throat, making you unable to speak. You click your own nails against your drink in a pattern, counting the beats in sequence to avoid the tears welling in your eye ducts. One, two, three, four taps. 

Four becomes five until Wonwoo brushes a hand along your knee. “Are you alright? I know that was heavy, but a winner deserves her prize, right?”

You appreciate Wonwoo trying to lighten the mood that you’ve darkened with your silence. The slam of the bottom of your wine glass startles Wonwoo a smidge, and while you didn’t mean to scare him, you know you need to leave before you fall apart.

“This was fun, Won, but I-I have to go.” A tear falls from your face as you speak, another escaping before you can make the waterworks disappear. Wonwoo holds your arm the same way he did a day ago when you were so close to leaving before. This time is different, though.

Wonwoo’s worry for you and whatever’s haunting you replaces his previous somberness. You recognize the contortion of his face like the back of your hand. You’ve seen it in family members and their condolences. The friends you kept and even the ones you lost from being distant. Even coworkers you never spoke to and random strangers who could recognize the shadows of loss.

It disgusts you, and you can’t bear to see it from Wonwoo of all people. You attempt to yank your arm away like your life depends on it, but he doesn’t let you slip away so easily. “Will you talk to me, please?” he asks. “You don’t have to hold back whatever you want to say.”

“I’m not, not at all. And it’s presumptuous of you to assume I am.” You shake your head, voice sputtering on some kind of laugh. “You don’t know me.”

“I think I do.” Again, the space between you and him is virtually nonexistent. Your hearts match in rhythm, despite your sadness and apprehension. The unspoken strings between you snap one by one with every movement of his hand, slowly reaching higher until his hand cups your face. His thumb runs over your jaw bone.

You don’t know whether to pull him closer or run now that’s holding you with a looser grip, and the thought is as sobering as his mouth a breath from yours.

“I have to go.” You clutch his wrist with your hand, but you make no move to turn and walk away. You leave indents in his skin from your nails gripping him, but he doesn’t break his hold either.

Then, in a broken trance, he lets you go and steps back, swallowing hard. “I’ll see you at work, then?”

You nod. “Thank you for dinner.”

“Anytime, really.”

You think about the importance of words, what they carry and how deeply they can mean when a person you care about says them. “Yet” and “anytime” have never been of significant value to you before, passing vocabulary that’s left little for your heart to grasp onto. But he says it without facades, each vowel and consonant holding the undercurrents of his desires. You feel your knees buckle a touch as you ponder it on your way out of his apartment and to your car. Your thoughts dwell on what that kiss would’ve felt like, and the panic that follows when you realize how badly you wanted it.

A week flies by, and then two more, until you realize you’re always passing Wonwoo’s cubicle with a cup of coffee, or he’s pestering you with a sticky note or two regarding legal jargon you’ll never read up on.

Neither of you mention what almost occurred in his living room so long ago, but it feels like only a second between that moment and the present when he’s inhabiting your space at work or blowing up your phone.

You don’t know why he started calling and texting right around the time you were prepared to shut your eyes for sleep, but it was a comfort you didn’t mind cherishing before dreamland took you under its wing. His explanations of corporate law terminology to the plotlines of One Piece became your lullabies.

A regular person can’t cement themselves in your life overnight, but Wonwoo is anything but regular.

As you’re filling out your timesheet for the week, your thoughts circle back to Wonwoo as you notice him in the conference room with the rest of the legal team. Vernon talks animatedly with his hands as Minghao and Jun type down notes. It’s a riveting silent film, but the only actor you’re interested in is pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose incrementally, and it makes you melt in your chair.

You have emails to type, spreadsheets to complete, and here you are acting like a high schooler with an unrequited crush.

Pulled sharply from your daze, Wooyoung bats you on the shoulder with his clipboard. San from HR laughs at your best friend’s assault on you, your acquaintance’s chest rippling as you rub your shoulder and give Wooyoung your signature glare. “What the fuck?”

“You should focus on the November report instead of ogling your new piece of man candy.”

"I don't know what you're talking about," you reply, calm and collected, even though someone has now turned the judgement on you for your prying eyes. Wooyoung had his own priorities as a market strategist; he had no business judging you for taking time off of business tasks to ogle.

You return to your initial view of the conference room, watching the gentleman in the confines of the glass office.

You don’t expect Wonwoo to be staring right at you when you turn your attention back to their meeting. Wooyoung and San talk amongst themselves about your comical behavior in the third person, but you don’t mind them and their idiocy. You’re too focused on the man who’s a dozen feet away.

Wonwoo practically gives you the same glare you delivered to him in the support group the first time he was there, but his eyes are all humor and no bite. He holds his binder up a smidge, signaling somehow for you to look down at the one propped against your laptop. You find a blue sticky note sitting on the front of it, and you know Wonwoo must’ve stuck it there when you went to the bathroom a half hour ago.

7 PM showing of Spider-Man Saturday. You in? X

It’s a measly set of perpendicular lines in Wonwoo’s handwriting, nothing extravagant on the sticky note itself. How can the letter and his proposition turn your heart into mush so easily? And why does it make you immediately nod in Wonwoo’s direction?

What was he doing to you?

You’ve watched the 2003 film many times in your life—you could recite the lines by heart, truth be told—yet seeing Toby McGuire swinging around in a latex suit still brings childlike wonder out in you. You smile into your handful of popcorn at the scene before you, the kicks and punches between Spiderman and the Green Goblin in the middle of Manhattan amplified by the theater’s sound system.

You dressed up a bit more this time for the outing with Wonwoo, despite your self-insistence on keeping it casual. Nothing had happened between you up to this point, only the opportunity for a kiss that never came. Who was to say anything romantic would happen now in the darkness of a theater?

The movie cuts to Spiderman swinging Mary Jane to a hotel high-rise away from the chaos of Times Square, and Wonwoo picks that moment to take the hand not holding more popcorn into his own.

It’s a funny feeling, the moment before something unexpected happens. It’s like your body bristles to a point of high alert before you’re struck with the reality something is occurring, for better or worse. He rubs the back of your hand in slow, delicate circles, and it feels like the start of something good while every cell inside of you screams to run.

The flutter inside of your stomach at his touch dies when you give into the spiraling thoughts, a cruel voice reminding you the butterflies won’t last. It carries the face of a person you’d rather forget. A smile that haunts every hour of your existence, and eyes you wish you could look into one more time outside of your nightmares.

You tug your hand free and speed out of the theater, not bothering to look behind you to see if Wonwoo is following you. You know he is, his calls of your name muffled amid the horrendous laughter ringing in your ears. When you’ve stopped running, you realize it’s raining all around you outside. The alleyway behind the theater only provides so much cover, but Wonwoo doesn’t care. All he wants to do is hold you as you’re hyperventilating, so he does.

“Hey, hey, hey. What happened?”

You hiccup, unsure how to go about saying the words when a phantom hangs over your shoulder and whispers words you have no willpower to fight. What makes him any different from everyone else? Nothing, and you know it.

“I’m right here,” he swears like it’s true, and you see red.

“Until you get sick of it, right?” You can’t look him in the eye as you say it, but it doesn’t make it feel less true expressing it out loud. “This isn’t gonna change. You’ll always wonder what’s wrong. I’ll never give you a valid excuse because I barely fucking know myself and shut you out. You’ll get bored really quick, Wonwoo, so what’s the point?”

“What are you talking about?” His mouth hangs at you accusatory questions, and it only makes you laugh harder. 

It’s easy to pretend your tears are only rainwater splashing down your face.

“There’s no point chasing after me anymore. I’m not worth the hassle, and it’s too much baggage for you to unpack, so don’t waste any more of your time.” You move his hands from your face with weak fingers and watch his arms fall limply at his sides as you turn to head towards the sidewalk and back to your car.

Wonwoo’s laugh is so bitter, you can taste it on your tongue. “You may think that what you’re going through is something nobody can understand, but a part of you knows you’re being ridiculous right now.”

You shake your head and continue down your path, barking back at him with a “Go fuck yourself.”

“You’re not the first person to lose someone, and you won’t be the last!” You stop walking down the alleyway, and you hear the sharp intake of breath on Wonwoo’s lips. He takes another second and set of steps to get closer to you before saying, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

You turn sharply, hair whipping across the open air. “You wanna know why I’m in the group, Won?” Your question drips with rhetoric like venom, sarcasm bordering on fury. “Because I got tired of all the noise of everything after…after—Chaewon just wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone about work and what was going on with me. And everyone at that point kept poking with their pity until the shit I said and did that day happened.” You flail your arms at your sides, the rain soaking through your sleeves. 

It was unprofessional, a huge moral deficit, as your boss put it. Especially when all Chaewon asked for was a valid reason for an extension on your trend report. “No coworker, especially not a subordinate, should treat another coworker that way. Your personal matters should not impede on your ability to be a team player.”

Your boss used every administrative play in the book while looking over the materials you ruined for the newest magazine issue, and that was before you screamed in your department head’s face. You didn’t mean to hurt Chaewon the way you did, but admittedly, it felt good to do it.

It was nice to let a part of you run free, even if it was a vulgar and unapologetic piece. But if you had known it would cost you every ounce of your pride and some semblance of your privacy, you would’ve thought twice. 

Your entire body is drenched by the time you finish your tirade, as is Wonwoo’s. “So yeah, that’s why they put me in that pity party of a support group. Because God forbid I snapped one fucking time for a valid fucking reason.”

“They just wanted you to get some help. Everyone needs that sometimes,” Wonwoo murmurs. He tries to step closer, each movement apprehensive, like he’s cornering a rabid cat into a carrier.

His movements make you feel like one, a wounded animal in need of immediate attention without regard for its unwillingness to accept it. It turns your eyesight red, and you think you may just be feral at this point. “I don’t need anyone’s help, Wonwoo! Not that group, not Seungcheol, not the damn lackeys in that fucking office, and especially not—”

Wonwoo gives up the pretenses and yanks you into his arms. He plants a hand across your hair and squeezes you in his hold, still tender despite the vice grip he has you in. The tightness of his hug shakes something loose in you, and you barely recognize you’re crying until Wonwoo cradles you closer and shushes you, even as the rain beats down on you both. “I’m here,” he promises.

“I don’t need to be saved, Wonwoo,” you say through fractured, sob-laced hiccups. Your eyes look past his brown ones, into the depths of his soul as you ask—plead even—“I just want to make the pain stop.”

“Let me help,” Wonwoo offers, rubbing the apples of your cheeks with his thumbs. It may be the most ridiculous, careless thing you can do at the moment, but when the urge to kiss him comes, you don’t stop it.

Call it an emotional break or a sudden rush of your suppressed desire shining through, but the second you press your lips to his in that brick alleyway, you don’t regret it. He tastes like salvation, of unbreakable promises. It could either heal or ruin you, but you don’t mind if it’s a little of both.

The raindrops cling to your clothes like a second skin, latching onto every curve. It’s easy to shed with the help of Wonwoo’s hands. By the time you’re an inch away from the doorframe of his bedroom, he’s wearing his briefs, and you’re left in your underwear. His warmth wraps around every part of your body like a campfire, stoking all the cold out of you and bathing you in the heat he provides. The thunder roars on, and lightning splashes the sky in white streaks, but the only light that sustains you is him.

“Is this okay?” He mumbles as he grazes the underside of your bralette. The material is so drenched that he can see the peaks of your nipples through it, but he’s trying to keep his composure and go at a speed you’re comfortable with.

You don’t hesitate, not wanting the moment to be dampened by your worst thoughts. They’re at bay now, and you want to use that time for what it’s worth. “More than okay.” You unclasp your bralette from your back, letting the wet garment plop to the floor. “Touch me, please.”

His index finger drags so slowly across your nipple, the ripple of electricity that tickles your skin follows the same tempo. While you’re willing to go fast, Wonwoo cherishes you with reverence. Even as he takes your nipple between his lips, moving his fingers down your stomach and into your underwear, he remains patient. “So wet,” he groans against your skin when he guides his fingers along your slick folds. It’s like he’s discovering a precious treasure before him, twirling your wet curls in his hair with his free hand as he runs the pads of his opposite fingers through slick heaven.

You tremble in his hands, all the nerves in your body a hot, frenzied mess in his hold. He thumbs your clit in slow circles, making it hard to stand any longer in the in-between space of his living room and bedroom. “Woo, I want more.”

He takes his fingers from your center and lifts you into his arms. Your legs wrap around him instinctively, and he chuckles into your throat. “Needy little thing, aren’t you?”

You giggle before he reattaches his lips to yours. His kisses taste like rainwater and second chances, physical proof that not everything has to be lost. He never lets you go or takes his mouth away on the slow trek to his bed.

Wonwoo sets you down gently, his eyes giving away all of his vulnerability. “You’re beautiful, you know that right?” You blush, wrapping an arm around your face, but he pulls it away and kisses each finger on your hand. “Every inch of you.”

The words go unsaid, but the bite of his lip and dark hood of his eyes tell you his desire goes beyond lust. I want to explore you forever.

Even the parts of you that you’ve deemed too dark, too painful, too unworthy of anyone’s entry. His expression tells you he may just take the risk and split you open fully to see what’s inside. With his eyes peering deeply into your soul, you think all he sees is hope. Like your heart holds the sun that peers out after the worst downpour in the world.

He rolls his briefs down his hips until his length springs free, knocking into the lower segment of his abdomen from how hard he is. “And you called me beautiful,” you say, breathless. Wonwoo’s cock drips pre-cum at the swollen tip, and you have no qualms sitting up and reaching out to encase him in your palm, running his essence across his skin.

He tips his head back and his mouth goes slack, a curse leaving his tongue. “You may kill me.”

You smile and run your lips along his neck, dragging your canines along the skin of his jugular. “If I do, I promise it wasn’t my intention.”

Before he can get too lost in the pleasure of your fingers wrapped around him, he traps your body between his own and the sheets below you. He doesn’t stop kissing you once he finds your lips again, even as he stumbles finding a condom in his bedside drawer and rolls the latex onto himself.

You don’t need to prepare for the eventual drag of his cock between your walls, already dripping from his previous touches, but he envelops you completely when he fills you to the hilt. He fits so snug inside of you; you think he could sit there forever and never leave. “You’re so tight, holy shit,” Wonwoo moans as he begins moving his hips.

You release a garbled moan, the sound practically swallowed by his tongue in your mouth. He takes and teases, but he always gives it back, rolling his lower half into you with a deliberate pace that helps you inch closer to a release. It paints the back of your eyelids in slow strokes. The act of getting there is as beautiful as the release itself when it’s with someone like Wonwoo giving you such perfect bouts of pleasure.

This feeling, like Wonwoo, is addictive and addicting in the same instance. You think you could get used to this, and it’s not just the lust having its way with your mind. Having all of him like this, his days and nights, rain or shine, may just be possible with the way he pours his devotion into your body. You just have to give him the opportunity.

He kisses you with the strength of a thousand stars exploding at once, and that’s the moment you fall apart underneath him. You let yourself bask in the feeling of your orgasm. You clutch onto his shoulders tightly as your walls spasm around him, sucking him in for every drop of pleasure he has to give.

He spills into the condom soon after, his hips stuttering and his kisses stilling as he feels his body succumb to the same pleasure you felt a few moments ago. The look on his face is pure bliss, the laugh on his lips the softest sound to accompany the pitter patters of rain on the window.

He throws the latex away before nestling back into the bedsheets with you. His arms wrap around you like vines as you rest your head on his chest. It's a comfortable silence between you, no words needing to be said to express your feelings for him.

I know you could love me forever if I give you the chance to.

You feel his response in the slow fall of his heart rate and the small snores he emits in the crown of your hair. The softness of his being is all you need to fall asleep too, and you think it may just be worth it to let him in.

The moment you wake, you feel a wave of nausea creep through you. The thoughts that erupted in that rainy alleyway a handful of hours ago come back with a vengeance. They clutch your throat with a begrudging hand until water streams from your eyes, hitting Wonwoo’s pillows like bullets. You try to subdue the sobs that rack your body, terrified of waking the man sleeping next to you, but it proves to be a fruitless fear. He sleeps like a stone through it all, immovable and solid.

With weak limbs and a fuzzy mind, you unbind yourself from Wonwoo’s hold and collect your things when you get out of the bed. Every piece of your heart breaks, the glued pieces of porcelain cracking once again into a heap on the floor as you walk away and out of his apartment.

It could only last for so long, that peace he provided, and you feel foolish for thinking a few hours of pleasure could change the new reality you’ve come to grips with long ago.

What the fuck did I do? I shouldn’t have gone out with him again. I’m so stupid.

Driving home in the rain, you try to turn on the radio to something that will be loud enough to drown out the spiraling thoughts and the sounds of your sobs reverberating through your tiny car’s interior. With a cruel twist of luck, Billy Joel’s “Everybody Has A Dream,” blares through the speakers. The piano chords and Joel’s whistles are ones you could recognize anywhere, and it stops your brain from falling further down the hole you’re accustomed to.

It’s his song, the song you have barely gotten through a note of without bawling.

You stop your car in the center of the road, despite the light being green in front of you. Cars screech behind you and blare their horns, some even roll down their window in the soaked night to curse at you, but you don’t care. The entire world could burn down, and all you would hear is the keys of the piano signaling your send-off.

The rivers on your cheeks become floods, all-encompassing and combating the leftover parts of the storm raging on outside of your vehicle. It makes the veins in your head pulse like a bass drum, but there’s nothing else to do, even if the song’s faded out by now. The DJ’s voice fills the space, but you can barely hear him.

You hate your father; the realization strikes you like a penknife to the heart as you press your forehead into the steering wheel, knocking your knuckles into its center until your own horn screams back at you. You hate him for leaving you alone to pick up the shards he created by going away too soon, sooner than you were prepared for. How could he part from you with such a gaping hole left in your chest and no roadmap for how to fix it? Was it even possible to mend such a wound when its shape was present everywhere you looked?

You continue to sob, no grounding techniques or motivational words coming to mind as your heart restarts just to bleed out all over again. 

Some time after the funeral, a doctor told you grief often changes the chemistry of a person’s brain. It undergoes neuroplastic changes and leads to alterations in emotional regulation and cognition. It made sense, given the way you exploded on Chaewon two months ago in front of everyone in the office. And all of that, the choice to either take a mandatory leave or seek counseling, led to that ridiculous fucking support group. And all the moments you shared with Wonwoo since then.

Guilt bubbles up behind your anger until it overtakes it, the way you’ve been acting almost shameful. You don’t regret him, but you regret this tugging you’ve done with his emotions alongside your own. But what other options have you had at your disposal? You’ve been stumbling around in the dark for so long, the light is not something someone easily accustoms themselves to again.

And Wonwoo is a person who exudes a radiance unlike anyone else you’ve ever met. You can’t believe there’s a chance he can truly seep into the darkness you live with now and soak it up for you. Not without him taking on some of it himself. 

You decide when the tears come at a slower pace that you won’t let him; he’s worth more than that. And it might break what’s left of the fraction of hope you held onto when you met him, but you’re grateful he gave you something at the very least. It’s better than nothing.

“I still think about what it would be like to kill him, even if I know it wouldn’t solve anything.” Hongjoong grumbles, twiddling his pack of nicotine gum between his fingers. “In my dreams, I do. I do it before he has the chance to make it past my driveway. Before I forgot to watch her playing.” Hongjoong breaks into a fit of angry sobs, and it tugs at your heartstrings bitterly.

The police and cops ruled the death of Hongjoong’s five-year-old daughter vehicular manslaughter. The guy who committed the crime had been remorseful and received less time because of his allocution. According to Hongjoong, he forgave the stranger a long time ago, but you don’t think anyone blames him for the anger and resentment that still lingers.

“Do you think your wife or other children gain anything by continuing to harbor this anger?” Seungcheol asks with no judgement, just objective curiosity.

It strikes a nerve in you, so deep it pulls a response out of your lips before you can stop it. “That’s a fucked up question to ask.”

Suzy gasps, hiding the sound behind her coffee cup. Hongjoong looks surprised himself, but Seungcheol is pleased to hear your voice. He’s only ever tried to make small talk with you while he’s filled out your slips after every session, but you’ve never given him any room to work with. Until now. “Why do you say that?”

“Because…” you ponder the answer, the coherent reasoning jumbled amongst your impulsive thoughts. “It’s a bit unfair. Sure, maybe he’s not the same husband and father he used to be, but what does anyone expect? His oldest kid dies, and he’s supposed to shelve that for the sake of others?”

“Nobody’s asking that of him,” Seungcheol responds. “I asked if it serves anyone for him to hold onto negative emotions.”

“Whether it does or doesn’t, big fucking whoop. Grief doesn’t serve anyone with anything purposeful. It’s all bullshit pain we’re supposed to make better somehow in just the right amount of time or else. Otherwise, everyone has to tread around it like it’s a disease. It’s exhausting.”

You barely registered Wonwoo’s presence in the room, but his messy mop of waves concealed in a beanie adds a second layer of pain to your words. You’ve evaded his texts and calls for the past two days. Avoiding work yesterday didn’t help the way you thought it did, Wooyoung texting you profusely with secondhand messages you didn't want to be reminded of.

It was better this way. You repeated the words to yourself like a mantra when the first batch of Wonwoo’s messages appeared on your lock screen. But seeing him now, you know it was a lie.

Heartbreak, like grief, lacks a purpose beyond the demand to be felt.

Wonwoo clears his throat. He tries to pose the question to the entire group, but he stares so deeply into your eyes when he says it, everyone knows it’s only for your ears to cling to. “Have you ever considered that the reason you think it serves no purpose is because you don’t let anyone in to help you make sense of it?”

Your bottom lip quivers despite your urge to compress your feelings, the anger that was simmering in your stomach now at a rolling boil. You kick the chair from under your legs as you leave the circle, cursing the entire time. You hear Seungcheol request a ten-minute recess for the session, and you know without a doubt the walking slogan is following you.

You keep your focus on the brick wall of the bakery that shares a back alley with the church when Seungcheol finally makes it outside. “Don’t say—”

“I’m just out for a smoke. Was needing a break anyway.” Seungcheol flicks his lighter to life and has a cigarette between his lips in the next second. A huge plume of smoke leaves his lips, and the acrid smell of smoke hits your nose, but you don’t turn from it. He reaches into his pack and hands you one once he lights it.

You chuckle sadly as you weigh the cigarette between your fingers. “How did you know I used to smoke?”

“You suck in a breath when you get angry, and your hands shake like you’re going through withdrawal. That used to happen to me when I tried quitting the first time.”

You nod. “I haven’t really done it in a while. Haven’t had the energy to go buy anything besides frozen meals and water.”

The silence between you both is deafening. Seungcheol doesn’t pry, although that’s his very job, to help you face your emotions head-on, and you don’t elaborate on your points from earlier in the group session.

“My wife died five years ago,” he finally says. He flicks the cigarette at his feet, digging the ashes into the surrounding dirt with his foot. “Was a drunk driver on the way home coming back from a restaurant. I was driving.”

You try to respond, but no words come. The lining of your throat kills them all before they can leave you, like butterfly wings that never unfurl. He goes on amidst your silence. “It took a long time to realize it wasn’t my fault, just terrible timing.”

You turn to look at him, but he keeps his attention on the shops and sidewalks surrounding the church, cold air leaving his mouth in grey clouds. “I’m sorry,” you say, the two words with no serrated edges this time, the anger from your voice gone.

“‘S nothing for you to apologize for. You didn’t know, and I don’t talk about it all that much.” He gives you a knowing stare with the shrug of his shoulders, no bitterness in his expression as he explains without words that you’re more alike than you would’ve known. You can’t imagine the guy having a bitter bone in his body, even if he has reason to. “But that’s why I started this. Going on about it may not help all the time, but I can let some of it go when I know I’m not alone, even if that feeling only lasts for a minute.”

“Are you saying that I have to explain why I’m like this with everyone to feel better? That’s your nugget of wisdom?”

Seungcheol's eyes turn solemn, disappointed but not surprised at your rhetorical questions. “What I’m saying is that pain isn’t avoidable. You know that better than anyone by now. And locking yourself away clearly isn’t working.”

You fight back the tears passing through your eyelashes and puff again. “I don’t need your backdoor psychology, Choi. Even if you and everyone in that group has more than some idea of what I’m going through, it’s not the same.”

Seungcheol chuckles without humor as he hands you another cigarette, his fingertips lingering over your palm in a familial way. His touch is warm despite the winter weather, the contact a salve over the cracks that have formed in the past few days, and it makes you feel worse somehow. “Whether you push people away or not, your capacity to hurt isn’t going anywhere. Wasting time you’ll never get back by being alone does nobody any good, especially yourself.”

“I don’t do anything for anyone like this,” you respond, words breaking. Your hands shake as you take two more drags, smoke filling your lungs as the shadows continue looming. “I can’t give any parts of me when I don’t know what’s left to give at this point.”

“Speaking from my experiences with you—which I know are limited—I’d say you’re not giving yourself enough credit.” Seungcheol plucks the cigarette from your hands once you make it to the end. “And I bet your little friend would say the same thing, if not more.”

Like the call of a siren song, Wonwoo comes through the back door of the church, a bit embarrassed to intrude, but relieved to find you before you left. It’s all over the sudden sag of his chest and the downturn of his eyes.

Seungcheol smirks to himself while he puts his pack back in his coat pocket. “Speaking of the devil, I’ll leave you to it.” He pats Wonwoo on the shoulder as he makes it to the door of the church. The closing of the back door punctuates the silence between you.

“Are you finally gonna talk to me?” Wonwoo asks, his voice teetering on desperation and indignation. He doesn’t want to be angry, you can tell, but it all comes out in the crinkle of his eyes and the line of his lips.

You don’t blame him, either. You’re the one who left him as soon as you woke up, no verbal or written explanation left behind to keep him from assuming the worst. “What do you expect me to say, Won? I don’t—”

“Don’t say you don’t know what I want from you. I’ve been clear about that since the first day we saw each other in this fucking church.” You’re taken back by him cursing, the act one you’ve not seen from him often, but he keeps going. “I want to help you. Whether that’s as your friend or something more, I can accept that. But what I can’t accept is you keeping up this act you’ve been putting on.”

“It’s not an act,” you say defensively. “It’s too hard to let anyone in. It may be hard for you to accept, but that’s the truth.”

“You need better practice at lying, sweetheart.” When your face crumbles with defeated confusion, Wonwoo goes on. “If it was so hard, you wouldn’t still have Wooyoung in your life. You wouldn’t have kicked my ass at pool, and you definitely would’ve done a better job at avoiding me. You may not want to admit it now, but you’re using your grief as an excuse to run away from feeling anything else.”

“You don’t know me,” you say, the words an echo that reaches through time with an entirely different meaning.

“I think I do.” His chest is barely an inch from yours, and before you know it, your lips join in a bruising kiss. It’s desperation from the days you spent without each other, almost stitching the time between that night you were in his bed and now together like a crochet tapestry. It’s yearning to be better than how you’ve been, to do better for the man who wants to teach you how to find happiness again.

Most importantly, it’s hope, unadulterated and unembroidered with the promises of what would’ve been. It’s only now, and that’s enough. It would always end this way, you think. Wonwoo holds you so close he may squeeze you into his coat to keep you from running away. A muddled cry escapes you before your lips connect again, your tears wetting the space between your mouths.

When you part, you think you may never let him go again, and this is the penance you’ll pay for the rest of your life for thinking you could ever handle being without him. “Where do we go from here?” you ask with glassy eyes, finding a glimmer of peace in the way Wonwoo holds you close to him with all the gentleness and love in the world.

“We heal.”

ONE MONTH LATER

None of the group members believe it when you offer to go first during the second to last session. You had half a mind to not to, promising Wonwoo you would share on the final meeting day so you wouldn’t have to suffer through another gathering with everyone knowing your story. Wonwoo only held you closer, stilling your trembling body with kisses to the crown of your head and his reassuring words whispered into your hair. “You’re stronger than anyone in that room, and it’s time you prove it.” You love him for that, among the plethora of a million other things, but that’s another conversation for another time and for only the two of you to share.

Suzy, Hongjoong, and the rest of the group follow you with understanding eyes, a response you used to dread. But now, you accept it just to get by. Seungcheol stares with immeasurable pride behind his eyes as you clear your throat.

“My dad passed away a year ago now,” you start, hands shaking but firm against the plastic coffee cup. “It was sudden, so sudden when the call came I didn’t believe it. I called the cop that told me about the accident a liar, like it couldn’t be true. It couldn’t happen to me, and not to him. Not yet, anyway.”

“You always think that you have more time to spend with someone, to tell them all the things you didn’t have the courage to say to them when they were still around. And that’s how I felt about him and our relationship, like I’d have a lot more moments to fix what I needed to for the two of us, and for myself. Maybe I never would’ve been ready, anyway, but—I couldn’t accept that all those chances, all those opportunities, were gone when he was, too. Most of the time, I still don’t. It doesn’t feel real, like it’s this thick fog I’m under that’ll eventually clear.

“And that’s why I’m here with you guys. And maybe talking about it now can help me to get through it the right way.”

You don’t look up from the floor as you continue, but Wonwoo’s hand on your thigh and Seungcheol’s leading questions ground you through it all. The tears flow, and the words leave your lips with all of their broken seams. Each thread of your heart unwinds, the experience equal parts freeing and devastating in the release.

Whoever the creator of the slogan from that third week of the support group is—Seungcheol, a random stranger, or a prophetic person who knows all too well the tragedy of grief itself—you’re growing to believe time can bend every sad emotion into something manageable, especially grief. And yes, you have yet to see what your own grief ultimately turns into, but you know you’ll take comfort in the fact you won’t be alone when that day comes.

@gyubakeries @loserlvrss @innocygnet @ghstzzn @xylatox @bambiihee @prkhaven @lunarlaina @jjunberry @frenchkisstheabyss @okiedokrie-main @chanranghaeys @brownbunnyb @lovetaroandtaemin @livelaughloveseventeen @aaa-sia

𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒 ── .✦ @kstrucknet @k-films @kvanity-main @lapydiaries @moadiarynet @pirateeznet @/sweetvenomnet @onedoornet @deoboyznet @violetanet @whipped-kpop-creators

𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫 𝑴𝒀 𝑶𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑹 𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑲𝑺 𝒐𝒓 𝑱𝑶𝑰𝑵 𝑴𝒀 𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑺 © 𝖠𝗅𝗅 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖼𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝖧𝖤𝖤𝖢𝖧𝖶𝖤; 𝖣𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖻𝗎𝗍𝖾 𝗈𝗋 𝗌𝗍𝖾𝖺𝗅 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍.

[fallstaticexit]

helloo :D

this is kind of like a wcif/question i always find myself asking whenever i see incredible art styles and phenomenal posts.

i came across your simblr again and i can't help but love your stories. it takes so much imagination, creativity, and energy to put into something so amazing.. and you've done so good!!

one thing i absolutely love about your stories is your flawless editing style. it’s so unique and full of feeling, i just love it 🥹

i was wondering, if it’s not too much trouble could you maybe share your storytelling process? like what helps you build such heartwarming moments and edit them so beautifully? i really love editing myself and have gotten pretty used to photoshop and all its weird little turns, but i’d love to hear from someone as talented as you, how do you (or how can anyone) edit in such a nostalgic and dreamy way?

(also, a little side question to wrap this up. what font do you use in H.A.G.S? especially when you wrote out the lyrics to 505 by Arctic Monkeys in Chapter 9!)

and if it’s okay to ask, how do you do that outline around Lacey in Chapter 10? was it hand-drawn or is there an easier method for that kind of look?

thank you so much if you read this and take the time to reply. your stories are so lovely and inspiring—please keep doing what you love and take care of yourself too!! don’t overwork that incredible talent of yours. you deserve breaks and all the love. thank you again and goodbye :)

(p.s. apologies if my grammar's a bit sloppy.. i'm just fangirling over ya!)

OMG hiiii! thank you for sending me this ask! I am more than happy to answer your questions! :))

First, I'll answer your WCIF! The font I use for HAGS is called CC Wild Words, which is your typical font found in most online manga. I grabbed it from DaFont.com! . The lyrics are the same font, just outlined heavily.

I edit HAGS in canva (I use photoshop for touch ups and such). I have canva premium, so I'm not 100% sure if this is a free or paid feature but I can clip out sims and object from the photos and there's another feature that allows you to outline them. Pretty neat and very simple process! :) ( I do alot of editing magic alot of the time because the editing options in Canva isn't 100% perfect or clean like how it would be in photoshop, which would be something I'd have to show one day cause Idk how to explain how I do it )

As for the storytelling process, 90% of it really just lives in my head lol I have a whole world in there and luckily the sims is a great outlet to get the stories out. I do alot of my planning on Canva, here's a snippet of how my workspace looks:

That's the tool for outlining. ^^^

Everyday- several times a day (because I work remotely) I just work on my comic and the worldbuilding in my game. I have an idea - or general idea of what I want to happen- since it's a gameplay inspired comic, I do give myself the time to actually play the game. Let my sims interact with each other , go places, etc. and then I hop into canva, after taking a million screenshots and start putting together the story (although lately, I will take the screen shot and while my game is still running, mid gameplay- build the comic. It's why I'm able to get the issues out so quickly too!)

I also use Pinterest! I don't have a very organized board or whatever it's called, that I could share- but it's where I get the feel for what I want or stories I want to tell - the aesthetic and feel of it as well. (I'm also a lover of all media, movies, music, tv and such so you see alot of my favorite things in the stories I tell: Yellow Jackets, Life is Strange, Lost Records, etc etc.) I also tell stories of things I've experienced in life too! (Is Aria a self insert? Maybe lololol)

I really want to put together a full blown "Get Ready with me" kind of video where I show my whole process from start to finish , because I've gotten asks like that and like this, and I want to show rather than tell. It's on my never ending , to do list but I WILL do it this year for sure lolol But I love helping people and sharing things I've learned.

I hope i didn't yap anyone to sleep reading this- and I hope I answered your questions too. And thank you so very much for asking! and for reading my story! It's my baby and I am so proud of it and it brings me great joy that other's enjoy it too!

[tinydeskwriter]

LOVE HOLD|⟮little miss maverick⟯

lando norris x wolff reader| wolff reader x f1 grid platonic (mostly)

a/n: there is no face claim, I just can't resist te perfection that is Anya Taylor-Joy(I wanted to save her for a Häkkinen!reader, but couldn't stop myself when I started the dior montage). those are little snippets from her life between the GQ video and Bahrain 23', to give some context. I gave names to y/n mother, sister, stepfather and etc, because I find mad confusing to put a bunch of y/mn, y/s/n, y/bff/n, it gets tiring and confusing especially if it comes one after the other in a social media tag or paragraph, thats the only reason I gave them names. there is a few tennis players in this story, not too crazy, but as it is a character a little bit inspired by break point some of those guys will show up and the netflix show will be mentioned. comment and give it a like if you like, I love to read what you guys have to say and your thoughts. I also gave a name to the series, it is very cliche but I couldn't think of nothing better.

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liked by lilymhe, lewishamilton and 865,678 others

(tagged: patrickmouratoglou; matsbahr; susie_wolff; lucy.abrams; british_airways; adidas; redbull; yonex_tennis; hbsc; hiltonhotels; hermes; charles_leclerc; carlossainz55; pierregasly; landonorris; benshelton; mariasherapova; the_kokk1; carlitosalcarazz; lewishamilton; georgerussell63; carmenmmundt)

y/name.wolff it wasn't easy but we did it! today my dream came true, in winning my twelfth title today, the fourth in a row this calendar year, I became the sixth grand slam champion in history, the fourth woman to do so and the very first brit. it takes a village and i would not have managed it without the amazing team i have behind me supporting me at every step. shout out to my coaches, my therapist, my sponsors and my family.🤍🏆🏆

thank u all for the flowers. i will be seeing a few of you in monza.

(i believe I tagged everyone, but my hands are shaking so much and is hard to see through my happy tears, so, if i forgot to tag you, consider yourself thanked)

view all 23,567 comments

pierregasly congratulations little wolff, never doubted you

↳y/n.wolff thank u 🍐

redbull #1!!!

↳y/name.wolff red bull gives you wings 😘

user1 mother is mothering😍😍

georgerussel63 #goat 🐐

landonorris 🔥🔥🔥

↳landonorris congratulations on yet another win, always knew you would🥇

↳ y/n.wolff thank you lan🤍

↳user4 the heart😍

↳user5 'lan' , oml

user2 girly is so delulu she forgot serenawilliams has like 30 grand slams

↳user3 serenawilliams has 23 titles from grand slams events, which eventually was a career grand slam, but she never managed all in a calendar year which is a true grand slam, y/n.wolff is the sixth tennis player to do so, and if she wins the WTA final in november she will have the super slam

benshelton #goat status🐐proud to see one of the greatest of our generation achieving something not even our heros did. keep going sis, next step is to make this a super slam 🥇

↳ y/n.wolff thank you little bro, you and those powerful serves next

mariasherapova little miss maverick. congrats kid, keep going marveling the world with your talent and breaking records along the way 🐐

↳ y/n.wolff🤍🤍🤍

11th Sep 2022

y/n.wolff added to her story:

Nov 9th 2022

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc & 933,566 others

(tagged: opheliagatz; p.blanchard; cassandra.blanchard; giambattistavalliparis)

y/n.wolff 09·01·2023· the day is here, it only took you guys 20 years of living in sin, 15 years of engagement and raising two beautiful, charming, talented daughters together to finally put a ring on it. i am grateful every single day that in a world with 9 billion people, living in the same city, sharing common friends, you two manage to met outside a little cafe in milano in the summer of 03'(btw, i had the honor of witness this cosmic encounter, though i claim no recollection of the event). père phillippe, thank you for all the years as my bonus father and all the support you always gave me (there is no backing now).

love you two more than words can describe. thank u for trusting me with the role of maid of honour, hope i did a good job.

view all 13,668 comments

landonorris congrats to mamma O and Phil❤️ beautiful cerimony

↳y/n.wolff 🤍

user1 was lando at the wedding???

Jan 10th 2023

y/n.wolff added to her story:

Jan 14th 2023

liked by pierregasly, dior & 933,566 others

(tagged: dior)

y/n.wolff i am happy to be (finally) able to announce that yours truly is now (officially) a dior muse and the new face of diorissimo🤍🤍🤍

view all 33,669 comments

mariagraziachiuri I am so happy to share this journey with someone I have seen grow into the beautiful woman she is today, such an example of timeless beauty and elegance, our true English Rose and the incarnation of the spirit Diorissimo.

↳y/n.wolff grazie mille Maria, thank you so much for the trust

Feb 27th 2023

y/n.wolff after three tournaments back-to-back and a brief pitstop in paris for fashion week, miss éclair wolff and I are heading to bahrain to watch 19 millionaires playboys going vrom vrom in circles for second place😊

view all 23,567 comments

landonorris uncalled for ☹️

↳y/n.wolff as is your tractor 🙂

↳landonorris ☹️

↳y/n.wolff luv u sugarboo🤍

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tag list: @myescapefromthislife | @kapsylia | @biitch-with-wifi

[jaggededges123]

jaggededges fandom trumps hate auction

hello! this year i set up an auction with fandom trumps hate (click here for their about us and here for their faq). if you would like to bid on me or one of the other 1.2k creatives offering varying types of fanworks, you can browse using a variety of tags here. some fandom tags that might be of interest to my followers are star wars, mdzs/cql, the locked tomb, and the any tag! bidding opens on the 25th and ends on the 1st at 8pm EST.

my auction is here, and here are a few of the details from it:

Organizations this auction benefits: Bidder's choice of any of the listed groups (See full list.)

Type of fanwork: Written fanwork Subtype(s): fan fiction (new) Fandom(s): Star Wars: Original Trilogy, Prequel Trilogy, The Clone Wars, Obi-Wan Kenobi; MXTX (works): Mo Dao Zu Shi / The Untamed Highest rating: E Minimum Bid: $5 Audience: 18+ only Length/scope: Less than 5k words Special interests (what is this?): Genderswap/genderbending, Poly ships, Rarepairs

Characters/pairings of interest: For Star Wars, my favorite pairings are Anakin/Obi-Wan (also Obi-Wan/Vader) and Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon. I'm willing to take a crack at a variety of other pairings (including throuples with Anakin and Obi-Wan), but I'll be a little less sure-footed with them. For MDZS/CQL, I specialize in Nie Huaisang/Nie Mingjue, but I am also very fond of Lan Xichen/Nie Huaisang, Lan Xichen/Nie Huaisang/Nie Mingjue, Lan Xichen/Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng/Jin Ling, Wen Chao/Wen Xu, and Jiang Yanli/Yu Ziyuan. I'll happily do platonic for the Nie brothers as well.

Subjects/theme/tropes of interest: I'm particularly good at canon divergence or other primarily canonverse AUs, hurt/comfort, and pwp. I'm happy to do other things though as well! I'm a big fan of omegaverse and especially uncommon pairing types in omegaverse (like a/a, o/o, anything involving betas, or presentation changes). I really enjoy focusing on the taboo and the intersection between guilt and desire in my works, but also making things tender despite the rough edges. You can check out my works linked above to get an idea about the wide variety of kinks I enjoy writing. I'm very flexible though, so if something isn't in my list of things I won't do, I am always willing to give it a try!

Unwilling to address: Any MDZS/CQL ships not listed in my offer, underage under the age of 16, major character death, hurt no comfort, infidelity, scat, vore or cannibalism, emetophilia (vomiting during sickfic is okay), BDSM, piv sex, pregnancy, sex injuries, finger and toe trauma, genderbends that make a couple cishet, bestiality, reductions in canonical age gaps

Other notes: I'll guarantee at least 2k of fic for this offer, but I can be very verbose so the odds of the fic being longer are good. I'd be happy to take your favorite kink or trope and inflict it upon the blorbos, or you can give me a couple sentences or lyrics or whatever you'd like detailing the vibe/AU details/etc of the fic you want. Very specific plot lines would probably be too much detail for the amount of fic I'm offering, though. I'd be more than willing to share wip snips as I'm working on it if that's something you would want, or I can just keep it a surprise until it's ready to post. Small adjustments after the initial prompt (for example, if you'd prefer something to be slightly different in a snippet I sent) are more than welcome!

[kitkat13001]

happy fluffy friday kitty my love! 🪻

imma need you to supply with me some kitoshi facts right meow *flutters eyelashes*

also i am so scared of la llorona

p.s. feel free to answer publicly, privately, or not at all! keep this message to yourself if you’d like, no hard feelings. <3

crush you’re so psychic because the way i’m listening to my shinsou playlist kitoshi daydreaming out the window right now is crazyyyyy 😝😝😝 anyways happy friday!!! finally ready for the weekendddd hope your week was good!!

kitoshiiiiii my shayla rn i’ve had us in the back of my mind for a while but see u again is really giving me a great chance to explore more of ussss im really having fun w it >:))))

i have a half-finished little kitoshi animatic that i literally drew in my notes app, our song is “margaret” by lana del rey + bleachers. here’s some snippets of that + some fun facts for you <3

like the song, we met on a rooftop party. i was wearing white. and he was like “i might be in trouble.”

very grumpy x sunshine, listener x yapper, always tired x hyperactive

opposites attract etc etc

i always promise i’ll stay up with him but end up passing out by midnight. he finds this kind of endearing.

i think our music tastes would compliment each other well! lots of headphone sharing <33

he keeps everything i give him. of course presents from christmas or birthdays, but also matching keychains or little trinkets to cool rocks i find to give him to gum wrapper hearts i make (he keeps them in his phone case)

he’s definitely the kind of boyfriend i can turn my brain off around. grabs my hand to keep me from walking into traffic (which happens more often than you’d think 😬) and the like

both of our primary love languages are quality time!! we spend pretty much every waking moment together :) his close second is acts of service, mine is physical touch

thank you for dropping in crush!!! love talking to youuu, do tell if you have any weekend plans with kenma (or anyone else!!) <333 mwah mwah 💋

[chuuyasporkie]

hello, my beautiful beloveds!! ❤️ a very happy (early) new year to everyone!!! here comes 2025, with its many surprises and opportunities. i am wishing you all well with this new year, and i hope everyone is doing well!!! that said, i am sad to say that i was unable to update transcendence this month. chapter 19 has proven to be a worthy opponent (it’s being a little shit and i am this close to throwing my laptop at the wall ☺️) so i’m afraid you’ll have to give me just a little more time. however, i am here to share some snippets of the chapter that i HAVE written with you, with the hope of making you smile and also as an apology!!! you may find them under the “keep reading” sign !!!! <3

(ft. the traitor trio being hilarious, verlaine being verlaine (aka the love of my life), kyouka and akutagawa being adorable, and tecchou and jounou bickering like an old married couple.)

anyway!!! im leaving this here and hope it brings you a bit of joy. please enjoy, please smile, please be happy, etc etc. i am also aware that i have 20 something unanswered comments on the latest chapter. i promise i will be getting to you before the year ends—i am a drowned wet cat begging forgiveness at your doorstep, at this point. this year has had NO mercy.

i will also take a moment to yap. this year has been full of challenges and many struggles, on a personal level and then on a global level. it has been a hard year, both emotionally and physically. but ao3 and fandom (bsd, in this case) always brings with it escape and happiness, no matter how momentary. i would just like to express my love and gratitude for each of you this year. i am honoured to be blessed with such beautiful readers, that are now some of my best friends if i may be so frank, and i know the majority are on ao3 so they may not even get to read this, but i would still like to say thank you. transcendence has been my saving grace this year, and so have you all. thank you so much, really, for everything, and i hope you guys get everything you’ve ever wanted this year. may 2025 be kinder to us, in all the ways that count. consider this a token of my friendship, love, and gratitude. thank you ❤️ i will now stop yapping!!! <3

[burningdarkfire]

dear critter (wildflowers 2025)

Hi! I’m burningdarkfire on both AO3 and tumblr.

The prompts below are in order of preference, although of course I would be excited about anything listed (which is why I listed them!). If you want reference points, I’ve written 80+ critrole fics on my main AO3 account that you are welcome to peruse.

I read widely and am hard to shock or dismay. In general, I would prefer for you to write something you are comfortable with than tie yourself into knots trying to fulfill my vision. Confident writing is fun to read!

I am not active in discord servers but you can always reach me on tumblr if you have questions. Here is last year’s Dear Critter letter if you’d like it for reference.

Details below!

DNWs:

I love reading and writing about trans characters, but I do not want to put the pressure of conforming to my complex preferences onto a gifter. Please avoid any unrequested genderfuckery—there are two exceptions that I will detail in the next section.

I do not want any included or implied character backstory for Essek Thelyss that whumps him to explain or excuse his actions—this includes abuse from his family members, abuse from members of the Cerberus Assembly, etc. Additionally, I strongly prefer that Essek returns to the Dynasty post-campaign and tries to build a home there.

I do not want sprinklings of other languages in the fic—this includes snippets of dialogue, recurring jokes, nicknames, pet names, etc. I know it's a canon characteristic for some but I prefer not to read it. It's fine for the narration to indicate that characters are speaking in other languages or if there is a specific purpose to the change in language (e.g., familial titles that don't translate if they are strictly necessary for the world-building).

Likes:

Explicit fic, including both smut and darkfic

Power dynamics, complicated relationships, codependency, devotion, strong platonic bonds, relationships that defy labels, polyamory, having casual sex or sex between people who are not in a romantic relationship, waking up together, laughing together, descriptions of food and other small aspects of domestic life, found family

Stories that explore the role gender plays in character—the two exceptions to the above “no genderfuckery” are a/b/o and Rule 63

I absolutely adore aromantic Caleb Widogast with my whole heart

C2 and Non-C2 Canon:

I have partially watched M9 Reunited, M9 Echoes of the Solstice, and Campaign 3, and I don't particularly care for any of it as guiding principles for the Campaign 2 characters "post-canon"

I found the Campaign 2 finale disappointing in how it dealt with Trent Ikithon, Astrid, and Eadwulf

I have read some very good fic that takes into account all of the above, so I am open to them as subjects or just given facts (while keeping in mind that fugitive Essek is a strict DNW so "Seth Domade" would need to have an alternate explanation)

I love Caleb's M9 Origins comic deeply, but I definitely consider it extraneous to canon and would be happy to play in a different sandbox

Request #1: Campaign 2 Astrid & Wulf

Astrid Becke & Eadwulf Grieve, Astrid Becke/Eadwulf Grieve

Let's hear it for my sound of the summer! The greatest codependent bonded pair in Schrödinger's relationship! I would love to see situations in which these two come apart or come together. How do they grieve when Bren breaks or how do they react when Caleb comes back into their lives? Do they have compatible philosophies about their role as Volstrucker or have they had to make peace with what the other believes? If they disagree, how do they keep going, knowing that they share something no one else will ever understand? Pre-canon, post-canon, mid-canon; happy and unhappy endings all welcome. I'm curious to see these two at odds when we usually see fanworks of them as a unit/bonded pair, but I also love to hear about them being older than they ever expected to be and surprisingly happy. 

Request #2: Campaign 2 Blumendrei

Astrid Becke/Eadwulf Grieve/Caleb Widogast

It's my fucking bread and butter and I'll take pretty much anything. Academy days, post-campaign reunion, the most nebulous of timelines or the most obscure of AUs. I'm happy to read about assassination missions, eating lunch and doing homework together, or a modern AU with corporate office jobs. How did their relationship start—how did it fall apart—how did they reconnect? It can be nostalgic, happy, or toxic. It's fine if not all the characters involved are queer, as long as they're together. The sky's really the limit here!

Request #3: Campaign 2 Wizard Soups

Astrid Becke/Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss, Astrid Becke/Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Astrid Becke/Essek Thelyss, Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss, Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast

A longstanding favourite of mine! They're so similar and yet so different—I love to imagine how they might fit (or not fit!) with each other. There's a lot of potential post-canon for complicated feelings—jealousy, nostalgia, missing someone even though they're right there, staking claims on Caleb's past/present/future, budding and re-budding relationships. I don't need Caleb to be present in a fic where he isn't included in the central pairing, but I think his presence or absence is exactly what makes A/E/W contending with each other interesting. I love it when no one knows the answer to "what are we?"  Divergent canons, such as Volstrucker!Bren, are also totally okay and encouraged. I particularly enjoy explorations of the canon where Astrid kills Trent and/or the existence of the Volstrucker continue under her hand. I think there's a lot of opportunity to explore how A/E/W are much closer to the dirty details of running a nation versus an idealistic Caleb—how might they collaborate or antagonize? 

Request #4: Campaign 2 Wizard Shenanigans

Astrid Becke/Beauregard Lionett, Astrid Becke/Beauregard Lionett/Yasha Nydoorin, Astrid Becke/Jester Lavorre, Astrid Becke/Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett, Astrid Becke/Marion Lavorre | Ruby of the Sea, Eadwulf Grieve/Fjord Stone, Eadwulf Grieve/Fjord Stone/Caleb Widogast, Fjord Stone/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Fjord Stone/Essek Thelyss, Lucien/Caleb Widogast, Marion Lavorre | Ruby of the Sea/Caleb Widogast

Basically this is my catch-all category for "happy to read more about the wizards"! Again, pretty much anything goes—flirty and fun, serious parallel character studies, "what if" moments in canon that might have turned another way. Non-canonical pairings in the background are okay and even encouraged. My only preference is that Astrid, Wulf, and Caleb remain on good (or just unknown) terms if the fic is focused on them with other partners.

Request #5: Campaign 2 Beau's Boys

Beauregard Lionett/Caleb Widogast, Beauregard Lionett/Fjord Stone

Big fan of people sleeping with their best friends! I think a natural fit for these pairs would be a Polynein situation, but I'm also open to other scenarios: drunken hookups at bachelor parties, "friendly" explorations of each other's bodies, an AU with arranged marriages, etc. Awkwardness and uncertainty about finding a homie hot is welcome, but I'm not really interested in any overwhelming shame or guilt—I want to celebrate the myriad ways it's possible to love!

[fictionfixations]

Kalim in RSA (and I get off-topic)

Spoilers for Book 4 and 5 (im sorry jamil enjoyers. but im so biased towards kalim its not even funny)

(this spiraled into me talking all about kalim in the actual game so oops)

imagine how different the story would be if kalim was in RSA

and we just hear from jamil about these snippets about his 'master' (although itd be weird they'd be separated if jamil tended to him often to where he'd prob be like his personal servant? idk what situation would have jamil talk to us anyway but yknow maybe we get close, he's like the other friend who seems cool? he'll basically help us out with knowledge about things, fleshing out the world a bit more, as the only sophomore in the group cause he kind of feels responsible maybe? then BETRAYAL)

and then eventually partway through the school year KALIM IS THERE (we know why though) and he somehow ends up housewarden.

i have a dislike against RSA. its very petty and its kind of because they keep winning (and they dont even mean ill intent which is worse! …but its kind of like kalims kindness. and i like kalim but that might make me biased. SO. thus the existence of this.)

we probably wouldnt like him much right? (and i imagine he'd get his fair share of bullies. we find this out. he laughs it off like 'nah, im used to attempted assassinations and everything. this isnt nearly as bad.')

(id do the clapping between but ppl get annoyed, and i get annoyed) CUE KALIM BEING MORE THAN SMILES AND WE LEARN THAT ABOUT HIM !!

HES aware enough that he can cook food good using JUST magic (which takes precision to use it as good or even better than your hands right??. its in his labwear vignette. ruggies teaching him ofc so ruggie wants it to be good cause hes taking leftovers, BUT CMOONNN he can learn. ..and yeah it took a few years for jamil to teach kalim antidotes to common poisons so he could do it easy but kalims hardly a master at making potions so i call that good)

AND in book 5 he noticed vil had like the same look as jamil to where he knew something was going to go wrong (aka the poisoning)

maybe its to show how much kalim doesnt belong in NRC and thats why they dont pull the 'more than he looks at first glance' like cater with glimpses in vignettes and etc

but like COME ON.

the sultan might be dumb (i recently re-watched aladdin) but at least he knew enough that he didnt want jafar marrying his daughter cause hes OLD and also he doesnt want to force jasmine into anything (good intentions. im sure if they just waited and she didnt find a suitor in time he would've just CHANGED THE LAW like he did IN THE MOVIE because he wants her to be happy!)

ALSo he tried to look through the law jafar claimed to say that would make her have to be married to the vizier or whatever (aka jafar) but then jafar just pulled it away before he could (and then attempted to mind control him when he refused) mans was prepared to spend hours reading over it even if he didnt understand it but he wasnt given the chance

also kalim is worryingly nonchalant about stuff. i mean. you can get used to horrible things to where they just feel so normal and uninmportant i guess? but poor bby. hes been like 'i want to keep myself alive because if i die then someone else will get punished.' or like about poisoning, if someone has a change of mind and hes already dead, then he cant do something to help them, so he has to make sure he'll live.

..i really doubt that hes just. so oblivious. maybe in denial, but still.

anyway i got very off topic. my bad. and to be fair we do get to see more of him at some parts. but hhh

okay listen. denial. (i am also a believer that if when kalim confronted jamil, if he said he didnt do anything kalim wouldve believed him. bruh gave him excuses like '..i just got tired, right?')

"The real Jamil would never do such things! He's a good guy. He's always helping me, giving me a shoulder to lean on, and—" (Book 4 • Chapter 33)

we just. dont see him really crumble?? he just. keeps being optimistic

we convince him jamil is bad. he resolves to punch him for being a traitor and THATS IT?

he sobs at the end of jamils overblot but then he goes back to being optimistic like 'lets be equals!' (..it feels like he didnt really learn much though as he's still 'I didn't notice--' 'I--' and i wish he couldve gotten more awareness. cause he makes it about himself yknow and blaming himself but COME ON put some blame on jamil PLEASE? or like. ANYONE ELSE. you also cant notice shit if no one ever tells you about it that you dont even know to look for it! he doesnt want to be cautious about who he can trust so like, why would he think to doubt the person who hes known his entire life??? especially if its something that was just always there that it feels natural, how could he know better? hes sheltered! so someone shouldve explained it to him, made him realize things! aghhh)

heres the book 5 one btw

"I got a real bad feeling when I saw the look on your face after Neige's rehearsal. It was practically the same look I saw on Jamil's face when he lost control of himself over holiday break." (Book 5 • Chapter 62)

And I mean maybe he did learn in that he's more aware of this now than others because he knows what people could look like because of Jamil, but I feel like a lot of things were just so unsaid. That the first time blindsided him, but now he's kind of a little more worried about something happening while he's there that he didn't notice so now he's trying to notice things more??? Or like maybe having gut feelings that he'd ignored before because it was Jamil but now knowing better?

So he can be aware. but then the rest of the time he's just thought of as dumb or an idiot or forgetful and it just makes me sad. and i mean i get that he wants to see the best in people but we never really talk about how its more that its denial. a refusal to see it, and i want to understand why

or maybe its because he sees the good in people that he trusts they'll do the right thing. or he believes that the good outweigh the bad (although i dont know if it'd be the same case if it was someone he knew who got hurt)

like. okay back in book 5

"Besides, I would bet there isn't a single person in Scarabia who hasn't gotten help from Jamil at some point. Am I right?"

"See? There you go. He's been a model vice housewarden. In fact, he's put me to shame. He let dark thoughts get the better of him for a brief time. Other than that, he's a perfectly capable guy." (Book 5 • Chapter 10)

He justifies it with that Jamil isn't the only one to blame (he also blames himself), and that Jamil hadn't done anything wrong before then

which. AGAIn. means that in his eyes the good outweigh the bad. jamils better at his duties so jamil should stay as vice housewarden.

this was the first time jamil did anything bad so it'd be fine, it was just an error in judgment

AGHHh

nothing about the fact that his closest friend he views as a brother

"He's grown up with Jamil since a young age, and considers him a brother in all but blood." (from the In-game Album)

who would be the last person he'd expect to do such a thing BETRAYS HIM, planning to make everyone (or well just the people in scarabia) turn against him

like. that has to be a shock right??? AND THEN HE JUST. welcomes him back into his life like it was nothing im just. kALIM. SWEETIE.

and i mean i get its for the best since if anyone knew what actually happened anything could happen to jamil (and jamil has his own reasons i get that but this is about kalim)

but he still hangs around him. has him as his aide. so while something did change, it also feels like nothing changed at the same time.

"I'm always chosen. Always. That's such an obvious truth that I never even consciously processed it. But now I see that was only possible because of Jamil's constant sacrifices. He created that "truth" in my mind by always holding back. By always letting me win. ...It stings. "Galling" doesn't even begin to describe it." (Book 5 • Chapter 30)

also like one of the very few times he expresses how he feels about something (how it hurts not to be chosen for the first time, and/or that he was only chosen because of someone else so he wants to work hard)

and then grim shuts him down with "You wanna talk about galling? Imagine how I feel not even makin' the cut for the audition to start with."

like. COME ON.

Kalim responds with, "Ah, you're right. My bad! I didn't mean to rub it in. Goodness, there I go again! I'm super sorry, honest."

and yeah it can seem kind of spoiled but also. its probably because of that that he doesnt want to share his troubles because he's very privileged so it feels like he might not deserve to act like its anything when everyone else has to work so much harder, right?

AND ITS JUST. REAFFIRMING TO HIM THAT his troubles are nothing compared to anyone elses and im just aghhauihduadhw

he also cares a lot about other people (people like him as housewarden because he listens to their troubles and supports them) so i just. want him to be able to take a moment to care about himself and just admit these things that he usually doesnt get the chance to.

i got a lot more worked up than i meant to

[moonheavens]

Fanfiction Author Interview Game

thank you for the tag my dear @littleoldrachel! it's always such a pleasure to engage in these kinds of fandom games and you're one of my fave people to nosily read answers from...

I only started writing in 2023 and my pace of writing new stuff is glacial so there won't be that much to share (I am one of those people with thousands of words in unfinished snippets in my google docs but very few of that actually makes it to AO3), but without further ado, let's go...

questions under the break <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

3 at the moment!

What's your total AO3 word count?

121,546 words

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

I only have three, so I'll list them in that order:

in the centre of a circle my first long-form chaptered fic, and still the one I am most proud of. I truly, thoroughly enjoyed writing this and diving into Sirius's brain, and I think that really shines through.

tongue full of tomorrows my first-born! I wrote this quite quickly and feverishly and as a result it's pretty simplistic, but I still like it. it's a fluffy little thing I really enjoyed writing.

no thing defines a man like love that makes him soft it feels like I wrote this fic weeks ago, not almost half a year! I spent a lot of time trying to get this just right, but I'm really happy with how it came out. hurt/comfort is one of my favourite tropes and I had a blast taking a crack at it, extremely self-indulgently.

Do you respond to comments?

always, and embarrassingly quickly, too. it's so very special to receive a comment, whether it's a few words or a lengthy ramble, and I love engaging with people who liked what I wrote.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

none of my fics really have super angsty endings, but I think no thing defines a man is the angstiest one because it's canon compliant. as in, the fic ends semi-happily, but there's still a war looming above their heads, you know?

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

that would be in the centre of a circle! there's a big fat HEA tag on that fic, and I stuck to that promise—the boys are thriving (very gay and very in love).

Do you write crossovers?

assuming this means fics that straddle multiple fandoms? in which case, no

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

no, actually. or well, I haven't seen any of it. I've been lucky enough to only receive positive comments and feedback.

Do you write smut?

yep. there is some smut in in the centre of a circle, and I have some WIPs floating around my drive that have smut, including a WIP that is... excessively filthy (casanova Remus, if anyone remembers me yapping about that one). like, it's explicit explicit. if that ever sees the light of day I might need to scrub my digital footprint, honestly.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as I know!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

officially, no. however, my bff/roommate and I have an abandoned WIP floating around the google drive (a 9-1-1 AU) that we co-wrote. we spent hours outlining it and assigning roles, re-watching the show, etc. it's only about 5 chapters before we abandoned it, but still! it was fun, and I'd be open to doing it again.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Wolfstar, of course, and I have unfortunately fallen down the Jayvik (from Arcane) rabbit hole...

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I don't have any WIPs running on AO3, if that's what the question is, but I have dozens on my drive. I think the 9-1-1 one will unfortunately stay there forever, simply because I don't think I'd want to write it without my friend (even though it was exciting). otherwise, I have made it a new year's resolution to actually try to finish and publish the two WIPs that have been hijacking my brain the most in 2025... so wish me luck!

What are your writing strengths?

see, now this is where you lose me. I've been a writer for as long as I can remember, and I have written fanfic for most of that time. despite that, I am an extremely self-deprecating writer and I suffer from a crippling case of perfectionism. is that silly? yes. do I love writing? yes. is being super critical of my work a blockade to doing what I love? also yes.

I love writing, but I struggle to see the forest for the trees, so to say, and pinpoint my own strengths. I get in my own way a lot. but, if I had to pick something, I think I'm good at writing emotions. but that would more so be because other people have told me so than because I actually believe it.

What are your writing weaknesses?

ah, so maybe I should have put the "my own worst enemy" spiel here, instead, haha. but yes. I have so many ideas, and I think in a general sense that my writing and ideas are pretty neat, it's just my own brain that sabotages me. one of my goals in 2025 is trying to actually finish something, instead of building a rolodex of random snippets and unfinished WIPs in my google drive. (as for actual writing, I think my weakness is over-describing things that could easily be said in one sentence instead of my five).

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

love it, why not. I haven't done it myself (yet) but I adore the welsh-speaking Remus and french-speaking Sirius headcanon and enjoy reading it in fics. I recently read a great fic in which Remus spoke swahili and afrikaans. as long as there's translations in the end notes, make them speak anything you want!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

there's some Marauders ships (dorlene, mostly) that I would love to include in future works but I want to be able to do them justice, so I'd need to find the proper place in one of my fics for them to get the development and attention they deserve and not just be there in the background for the plot, if that makes sense.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

in the centre of a circle. she's my baby, and I love her. I spent so many hours in cafe's scattered across London outlining and writing, removing and adding and editing and just being stuck in Sirius's head, and I really love the way it came out. you can see the difference in writing quality between chapter 1 and 7 a little too clearly, but I had so much fun writing it regardless of that. the original idea was just a little brainwave of what if? and it went somewhere entirely different (Sirius took the wheel) and it was exhilarating to roll with it.

* * *

TAGS: honestly, I don't really know who's already done this or not so forgive me if you have. also, if you want to do this but haven't been tagged, feel free to use me as your tagger. tagging @magicbeings @pretentiouswreckingball @kaaaaaaarf @pain-in-the-riri @euripidestrousers <3

[12thhouse-sun]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

@lanafofana threw glitter on me and then ran away therefore I am required to follow through with these shenanigans (love youuuu)

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

Eight!!! Hopefully more soon!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

67, 826

3) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

you're at the top of my lungs Gale x f!tav events of bg3 longfic!

fine art Gale x f!Tav emotional post-game smut plus some gale teasing

three's a party TWO, count em, TWO simulacrum threesomes

Axioms of heavenly bodies; an intimate analysis of systems unknown and the pleasures contained therein cute Gale x f!tav modern au smutty oneshot

a bene placito Gale x f!Tav married morning sex, cockwarming, etc

4) What fandoms do you write for?

Baldur's Gate 3 for now. Maybe I'll eventually get inspired enough to write some Dragon Age (Veilguard specifically, or maybe even Inqusition if I keep playing???)

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try to! As a writer seeing a comment brings me THE MOST joy and so i want to thank each and every one of you for being there. And also as a reader, I love when the author responds esp if it leads to whole-ass convos. I've actually made friends this way!

6) What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhhhhh the published WIPs I have right now I plan on having happy endings. And a few of the unpublished ones as well. There are a few early-draft WIPs that I'm considering a more angsty end direction, but there's so much angst fodder in Gale and Poppy's stories already, that I like the angst being throughout and then putting them back together.

But never say never!

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I guess Axioms? Because of the love confession, multiple orgasms, etc etc. Again, my published multi-fic chapters have yet to get to the ending so ask me again once both are finished lmao

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! And if I get any I will cry

9) Do you write smut?

hehehehehehehehehe

10) Do you write crossovers?

I haven't yet, and don't have any in mind at the moment, even as just a loose idea. The closest idea that I have is a modern au bg3 fic where a local theater is putting on Heathers. Gale plays JD. I will not elaborate further lmao. OH I ALMOST FORGOT and a My Big Fat Greek Wedding idea but Gale is Toula lmao.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so? I hope not :sob:

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of but if anyone's interested PLEASE LET ME KNOW I'D LOVE TO CHAT

13) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Not yet! But the girlies and I chat enough about our blorbos where maybe something will happen @dr-demi-bee Miri and Poppy crossover fic? Maybe?

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh god. The Doctor and Rose, probably.

15) What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Lmao all of them, ideally! I'd love to finish YATTOML because it's THE bg3 story and I know where I want it to go, I just need to sit down and write it. I also have a modern college au that I have big feelings about and would love to start publishing (ONCE IT"S DONE).

16) What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I nail Gale's voice and that I write very good smut. Other than that, I'm not sure? Maybe I should start asking for more explicit feedback lmao.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

I can't focus on one fic at a time for long enough to contribute anything productive. Hence why I feel like I haven't published anything substantial in ages.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I think it's great, though I'd be too nervous to actually give it a go beyond a phrase here or there. I don't want the native speakers to be taken out of it. I love reading it as a reader, though.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Baldur's Gate 3!!!!

20) Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Oh geez. Probably Axioms. I shared ONE snippet of an idea in the server and everyone was like MOAR PLEAAAASE and so I turned one snippet into a whole 6.8k word thing. It was the first time I really captured Gale's voice and there's something about it that's really comforting. Also Tara and Hey There Delilah lmao.

Lana glitter-tagged the whole server so I will add (no pressure obvs) @pouroverpaloma @tociminna @thecurlyginger

[yadayadams]

Ok apparently pinned posts are a thing now so here:

Hi, you can call me Yuki, I’m 25. I’m a mixed asian/jewish writer. I’m also a huge dyke and proud of it. I use any pronouns but my gender identity is more informed by the fact that im a lesbian than anything else. Im not always a woman but im always a lesbian. If that makes sense. Or not, it doesn’t really need to.

If you are a minor, this is not the space for you. If you connect with my work, I love and appreciate that but urge you to connect on substack (same as here) or instagram (@yadayada.ms) instead. I also post my work there, but none of the other stuff that I’d rather not be responsible for exposing kids to.

I also tend to post more political stuff over on insta but I’ll post here on occasion too. Im a leftist and an activist at my day job so human and civil rights are hugely important to me, but know that most of the tangible stuff I’m doing is not on any social media, although I will share occasionally when there is a cause i am particularly passionate about. I feel like my opinions are best summarized as the belief that no one deserves to be thrown away and forgotten about and humans shouldnt have to pay to get basic needs (housing, healthcare, etc.). If you disagree, let’s have a chat! Happy to share why I believe the things I believe and why I think you should too. If you’re going to be an asshole, however, fuck off. Even though this isn’t a specifically political blog, art is always political.

Im here mostly though because i need a writing outlet separate from my real self/work. I have written poetry for as long as i can remember but ive only recently begun to share it. Im also working on a book! Progress is slow but I will hopefully post some little snippets as I keep going.

I write a lot about love, grief, self discovery, and identity. Lots of dead/complicated mom content so if thats not your jam, probably not the best place for you. But i also wanted to share it because i feel like there is not a ton out there about grieving a parent that hurt you and the complicated layers of pain and joy that come along with it.

[dysfunctional-doodle]

Hello, I'm an aspiring fanfic writer and I'm just asking: how do you do it? Like, how do you get the confidence and motivation to write? I'm so worried about making and posting my work after spending hours on it for it to be hated. Another question, how do you write non-dialogue parts so well? I feel like I can write dialogue well, but I'm worried about writing actions and stuff like that will be too difficult and too "non-fluid like"; it just being non descriptive. I'm asking since you are one of my favorite authors on the site, and I want to get your advice on this matter. Thank you for answering if you do!

First of all, I am very flattered you are asking me for advice! It’s wild that people come to me to seek help like this, I still remember when I was 11 writing terrible fanfiction for the first time lol.

Personally, my main piece of advice regarding motivation is this: find an idea you really like, for starters. This may sound obvious but a few times I’ve liked a few things I want to write in theory, but then I sputter out half way through and realise that I was only writing for a small segment and had no idea what to do after this. Obviously, this is still fine, and is what oneshots are for - and it also makes good practice! But motivation wise, always find an idea that really makes you want to sit down and write it all out! I often do fanfictions in one big burst of inspiration in a few hours, but for other people this may be different.

Secondly, never let yourself be talked down out of posting anything! Like I mentioned, I’ve been writing since I was 11, and let me tell you some of those first fics are…interesting, to say in the least. But the act of posting them, even if no one interacts with it, should give you pride and confidence in yourself. Because you’re awesome - you just wrote a story and posted it! People can choose to interact or not, love it or not, but at the end of the day this is still a massive achievement for you.

Try not to get caught up in whether a story is doing “well” or not (for example, views, likes, kudos, etc). This doesn’t matter. If you are happy with your work, this is half the motivation to keep going. You often find one or two people that are really hooked with your story no matter what - personally I think the fanfiction community (at least the ones I’ve been in) are very kind and don’t interact just to hate. The feeling of having even one person loving your story is enough, trust me.

If the performance of the story matters to you, I highly suggest polishing off how you write summaries if you want to grab people. Personally, a confusing summary with excessive emojis or an unclear description makes me less likely to read something. I would advice posting a small snippet of your fic, and then a general summary (this is what I do for all my fics).

If you are struggling, I don’t mind creating summaries/proof reading fics for anyone! It’s hard, especially as a new writer, to do these things. For this, the old saying is the best - practice makes perfect.

You also asked about how I write my descriptions, so I will share my tricks of the trade. Most importantly - visualise the scene in your head.

I mean this literally. Imagine the conversation. How do you want your characters to be acting? Are they standing still? Where are they? How is the environment interacting with them? What are their feelings, and can these be described? Who are they talking to, and what is their relationship with them? Many of these questions can be answered much easier if you picture the entire scene in your head, from start to finish, and then write out all these little actions that you may miss.

Additionally, you also ask about the less literal things, like my descriptions and such - these are actually my favourite parts to write, so much so that I get a little carried away. I cannot really give much advice on this I’m afraid, apart from I write them just by expressing what comes to my mind as it comes. I don’t plan these segments like I do with plot and dialogue, but more so on a whim to extend the characters feelings. Is the character sad? How deep does this go? How does this actually feel? Like churning waters of anxiety that they can’t escape from, or small waves slowly increasing as the tide draws inward? Feelings are very abstract, and so you need to make the most of this. Metaphors are good ways to do this, or descriptions of these feelings also go well. It gives depth to the character and situation they are in, expressing more to the reader exactly how high the stakes are emotionally and physically.

Also, I would advise reading other fics, and picking what techniques you like from those. For example, if you like the way someone describes environments, write down why and then try and replicate this yourself. It helps narrow your writing style, and refine your skills, like finding an art style.

As a final, I would like to say - no one is perfect. No one is amazing at any skill right off the bat. It’s impossible and is never expected from any sane person. What is most important is that you are proud of your work, and this will provide all the motivation you need to keep going and growing as a writer.

For me, personally anyway.

Seriously though, thanks for liking my stuff!

[willowser]

commission info ! ✨

✧. ┊  canon-verse, friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, fix-it fic, fake dating, kid fic, soulmates, character pov, almost any au yall know me by now. these can be stacked !

✧. ┊  bakugou, dabi/touya, kirishima, shouto, deku, hawks, denji, gojo, getou, toji, yuuji, megumi, maki, sylus.

✧. ┊  endeavor, shigaraki, overhaul.

✧. ┊  major character death (i.e, reader or romantic counterpart), truly unrequited love, infidelity, ship fic, isekai, poly relationships, incest, omegaverse.

✧. ┊ i will only be writing fem or gender neutral readers, as that is what i'm most comfortable with.

✧. ┊ every character i write for is aged up to at least 22, unless requested otherwise. i will not be writing characters under 18.

✧. ┊ dark content is case-by-case, depending on what you're looking for. note that this does not indicate i'm not open to writing it !

✧. ┊ smut is open to request/include, but there may be an additional $5-$10 charge. not always or even regularly; it just depends on what you're looking for.

✧. ┊ what/who i choose not to write about/for is in no way reflective of personal opinion; some tropes/characters i've never attempted before, and i don't want to make you my guinea pig as i try to navigate them for the first time.

✧. ┊ if what you're looking for isn't listed in either will/won't category, it's because (1) i forgot to add it and/or (2) i'm open to discussing it further ! 

✧. ┊ please tell me any and all details you have in mind ! but don't fret if you only have a few; i'd be happy to brainstorm ideas out with you, or take creative liberty myself !

✧. ┊ i'd love to post the final draft on my tumblr ! but it's completely up to you if you'd rather i didn't. the only exception to this is if it's a continuation of an idea i've already started/shared publicly.

✧. ┊  reach out to me whenever, wherever ! i have tumblr, twitter, and am on discord.

✧. ┊  once we sort out the length and idea you have in mind, i'll give you a very general estimate on how quickly i think i'll be able to work on it. note that this is subject to change.

✧. ┊  i'll send you a condensed draft that way we will be on the same page regarding the final draft. this is when you can request any changes ! note that the smaller the word count, the smaller this will be. drabbles will not have this option.

✧. ┊ i'll give you an estimated total, and half of the payment will be due at this time. i'll do my absolute best not to go over the word count, but please note that it's not easy to simply cut a story off. i'll eat the loss where i can tho ! payment for drabbles will be collected only at the end.

✧. ┊ you're free to request any updates or snippets or excerpts during the writing period ! every day or not at all, totally up to you. note that i won't be sending them unless requested, however. drabbles will not have this option.

✧. ┊  once i'm finished, i will reach out to you and the remaining balance will be due at this time. i'll add any extra fees that i deem only absolutely necessary. once the payment has gone through, i'll save the final draft as a pdf and get it to you however you prefer (email, discord, etc) !

[ragnarokhound]

🖊️& 🏅for the ask game? 💞

:D 💕I've been in a bit of a slump this month haha, so it was nice to reflect on something positive about my writing ^^;

🏅 What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing (finished a fic, actually planned for once, etc).:

I'm really proud of how the structure for my AOB fic has come together! Once I finally write the dang scenes, I think it's going to be pretty good even if it wasn't supposed to be something I thought this hard about lmao OTL i am consistently cursed with think too hard disease :')

I'm also really pleased with a scene that wrote just yesterday, I think it'll fit into the werewolf fic that i've been super blocked on and has injected some new life into my ideas for that fic - and I'm really happy to get literally any traction on that :'D

🖊️ post a snippet from a current WIP:

From the AOB fic that I sWEaR i'LL fiNiSH:

“Tim, you two have a movie night— a date night— that no one else is invited to.”

“Everyone else talks too much,” Tim starts to explain, before he realizes what he's saying. “But that’s beside the— it’s not a date night we just hang out after patrol sometimes. I don’t even like TV.”

Dick makes an incoherent sound, a distinctly alpha growl and a whine that puts Tim’s hackles up. He rubs his hand over his mouth, clearly thinking. His eyes snap back to Tim’s and he has to resist the urge to flinch.

Dick maintains eye contact with him as he starts stripping off his suit jacket. He aggressively shoves it at Tim, ignoring his protests and manhandling it around his shoulders when he doesn't immediately take the hint. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Tim hisses as Dick scents him, roughly scrubbing his wrist on Tim's cheeks, leaving a strong residue of playful-exasperated-I win. Dick has always been casual about scenting, but this is a little much, even for him.

"Don't believe me? Watch. When he comes back, he's gonna find any excuse to get you out of my clothes and into his."

This is some prime alpha bullshit that Tim did not sign up for tonight. He sputters, and can feel his cheeks getting red and blotchy. "Wh— Dick!"

"And he'll try to clean your face."

"That's dumb. You're dumb."

"I'll bet you my share of Alfred's baklava."

"Bet," Tim snarls, though he's suddenly apprehensive. Alfred's baklava is practically sacred.

But he can admit, the idea of testing Jason's reaction has his curiosity piqued.

Damn. Dick knows him too well.

[scourgefrontiers]

Reading your thread on Bluesky, it might help to just keep your projects to yourself. Not even in a mean way but more so to feel less like an obligation to do everything all at once. There's nothign wrong with coming up with plot lines and new stories! But I've seen through the years everytime you come up with au's stories etc you make a blog you dump everything into it and reasonably get burned out. It might be better to treat some things more casually so you don't always exaughst yourself and that way to maybe you'll be able to enjoy it more if it does become more casual so you have more energy for the projects you really want to work on. TLDR: Try not to bite off more than you can chew and be ok with that its fine to just post little snippets or ideas and have fun evenjust like single page comics etc, focus on enjoying yourself and less of the next big hit.

I MEAN HONESTLY thats what im tryna do with heart of camelot and i had planned to move forward with other stories in that way as well (just making a sideblog to dump shit onto at my leisure in the form of little posts instead of a huge comic project) so i guess i am already trying that lol. i dont ever desire to make my story projects into the next big hit or whatever u.u;; i just really really love visual storytelling and its rly fun for me so i always have the desire to make projects like that bc its my passion! but the caveat to that i guess is that i get so fixated on it and wrapped up in it that i tend to overdo it lol. weh. that might be a different issue tho tbh

but ya i do appreciate it o<< im actively trying to take a different approach to my story projects tho dont worry. as much as i really super want to make more big comics im pretty aware that it always takes a lot outta me and probably would be a better decision if i dont go thru with it. unfortunately i cant rly help but feel the strong desire to do it anyway 😭 i kinda hate it

ive been thinkin for a long time abt maybe waiting until new game is done at the very least before thinking about my next project. it was either that or like. start other projects but dont fixate/focus on them too hard and let myself just work on them when the spirit moves me if that makes sense? like, if i dont feel like working on them for months then so be it, but allow myself to work on them when i feel like it too, just without feeling that obligation to do so, yknow?? idk. i'll figure smth out surely. its just been hard lately bc my mental health has been rly bad and affects my energy and motivation even for commission work which makes me feel even worse so its an awful cycle :( i just rly wanna create stuff thats enjoyable for both me and the ppl i share it with, it makes me super happy to do and its all i ever wanna do. so idk