#i am completely disabled

[ragingextrovert]

i want my guts to turn inside out

i am so done

i hate myself forever and ever

how do i live with hating myself because that's where i am right now and i can never get back/better. i'm just gonna close that door on myself forever now.... because i dont deserve it and i never deserved it.

anything that i was telling myself to feel good was a lie.

i seriously dont even want to be Here^TM

but i feel like i''m forced to be...

drunk as all hell. awkward, trying desperately to cling to a life that i dont even want anymore.

He is gone forever and my lack of presence in his life weighs on me. LIke,,,,,,, but doing that same thing to other people???......... not the best. but like.... He did it :'} and plenty of others too.....

view from halfway down.

[eastbluecrewed]

huge fan of the barrel scene (witness me getting sappy beneath the cut)

i had a small but meaningful personal achievement coincide with reaching the barrel scene on my rewatch, and it got me thinking abt the impact one piece has had on me since i started it eight months ago. i love these guys a lot and they've done an absolute number on my psyche so of course i'm gonna tie them into the good things in my life!! sue me!!!!

when i first watched this scene i didn't realize the deep impact this story and these characters were going to have on me and how i view life, but damn they sure did!!! and so i thought it'd be fitting to do a simple little redraw as tribute to that and to myself.

hell yeah one piece time

[hazel2468]

Look-

Anyone who tries telling you that both parties are the same and there is no point in voting? Has a fucking agenda, and it's a nasty one.

Do the Dems disappoint me? Yes, constantly. Do I have gripes with Biden? 100%.

Do I also recognize that he has GOTTEN SHIT DONE and that those things are like. NOT talked about by people my age because it feels better to be angry and constantly demanding better while being unwilling to put up with Average Joe who is ACTUALLY doing things that progressives have been asking for for AGES (putting caps on medication prices, working to cancel student and medical debt, investing in infrastructure and going after inflation, started working on protecting reproductive rights after Trump put in place the shitty judges who wrecked Roe, is trying to go after how weed is scheduled and pardoned all federal offenses, et-fucking-cetera).

Not only do I actually LIKE some of the shit Biden is doing? If Trump gets back in office? People will die. He and his have been OPEN about the fact that they want to go (somehow) even MORE fascist.

Fucking vote. Anyone telling you not to has your worst interests at heart. Be as pissed off as you want, but fucking VOTE. Because we have a chance of continuing to push a president like Biden towards the change we want to see. We have ZERO chance of that with Trump, or someone like him.

[uncanny-tranny]

If you find yourself making mental or physical lists of things you Can Do to avoid pain flare-ups, gastrointestinal issues, and the like and a list of things you Can't Do...

You might just be disabled, and you certainly deserve the space to limit needless suffering however that looks for you <3

[unsightlythinker]

He is a nerd.

He is a badass.

He has a physical disability/deformity.

He has 12 PhDs.

I am him. I aspire to be like him.

[bonebabbles]

I keep using the word "frustrating" but I feel like it doesn't capture the anger that's building in me at how it doesn't seem to remember its own goddamn books. Everything with Jagged Peak in particular is incredibly sloppy.

With Clear Sky I get the feeling that they HAVE to misremember previous books, else you encounter the simple truth that he is a fucking monster. If you don't use passive voice religiously as if you're writing a NYTimes article about a cop, you'd have to address that he wanted to kill children after he slaughtered their mother for her land, that he beat an innocent woman to death and blamed it on a fox, and that he's a compulsive liar with a fragile ego. And you can't do that and ALSO say "he was a good mislead boy all along."

So... it's malicious but it's "understandable" on some level. The character they wrote is completely incompatible with the ""redemption"" they're trying to write. So you have to ignore it.

But Jagged Peak...

So Thunder is watching Jag's kittens as they play in deep snow. Jag sees this, freaks out a little, and tells the kids to stop playing because they could get hurt. We get this confrontation;

Those who have been following will remember that it was partially JAGGED PEAK'S fault that Sparrow Fur got mauled by One Eye, by letting her run off into the woods alone because "she was very insistent" about finding her biodad, Tom the Wifebeater.

This teeny little scene feels like they're going to address how Jagged Peak's biggest flaw as a kid was his recklessness, and that his irresponsibility continued into his adulthood because he was coddled. That this, right here, is a sign of character growth... but, the rest of the series doesn't seem to actually think this.

Gray Wing gets scolded for being "unkind" to him as if he's the same as Clear Sky. Jagged Peak's physical ability, like fighting to defend his honor and leading a patrol to get herbs, are what the narrative is fixated on. It's the thing he did back in Blazing Star that made Clear Sky "realize he was wrong about him." It bothers me. Badly.

We are slowly watching Gray Wing die of asthma (except when he needs to do something "cool" like rescue Turtle Tail from Tom the Wifebeater) and every other disabled character dies horribly. But here's Jagged Peak, with a story about how he's "Barely Even Disabled At All" with a little love and encouragement :)

What was behind the choice to make so much of this disabled character focus on his physical ability? In this arc which has THREE "useless" cats exiled for their lack thereof (Jagged, Bumble, Frost)? They say Jagged Peak needed a wife (introduced and then pregnant in the same book) to become his life coach, and that allowed him to overcome his leg... but why?

Why do this, when they obviously COULD have focused on his character traits? This little fucking scene proves it. They COULD have done this instead.

It feels like they're 3 different stories they want to tell about Jagged Peak and none of them are coming together; but the main one they're trying to write is awful.

[curiouslyodd]

Today the UK Government started seizing refugees for their unfathomably cruel Rwanda deportation plan. People who fled to this country seeking safety will be suddenly crammed into detention centres and held for months, before being forced onto planes to an unfamiliar country where they will not be safe. An initiative that will cost the taxpayer £millions and will not achieve anything but making desperate people's lives even worse.

Today the UK Government announced further crackdowns on disability welfare, with planned removals of benefits for people with depression/anxiety in favour of 'therapy', and replacing cash benefits with 'vouchers'. Following months of increased media discreditation of disabilities and a culture that demonises people on benefits, plus government interest in legalising physician-assisted suicide, it's clear that this move is intended to push people into homelessness and suicide.

I hate it here. This country just seems to have an unerasable streak of vicious spite and disdain, and countless wealthy and well-connected monsters desparate to claw us back to the era of workhouses and debtors' prisons.

[autie-hobbit]

I don’t know, but, "I'm proud to be Autistic and wouldn’t change it for the world," and "Autism actively makes my life harder to the point where I cannot function properly or independently in my life" can and should co-exist by the way.

[reasonsforhope]

Crowdsourcing a question

Okay totally personal post here because, now that search engines suck, my research is failing me. So I'm crowdsourcing my question about the residential care work industry!

Hoping at least some of my followers have experience in/with the industry and some intel on this:

Actual question: How common is it for jobs in residential care work (residential centers, btw, not home care) to actually have two people on the night shift? vs. just saying they always have two people on the night shift in interviews and their official policies, and actually it's not true?

Because my current job was, it turns out, apparently totally lying about "you'll never be on shift alone with clients" at orientation (when it comes to the night shift, anyway). Which, holy fucking safety issues, Batman!

Suffice to say this was a very fun thing to find out like three days before my first regular shift

So, I'm thinking realllll hard about switching companies, and I'm trying to figure out if I could expect to actually have a coworker at a different company, or if it's like an open secret in the field that actually, basically all the night shifts end up being solo shifts, because the industry is so chronically understaffed or w/e

[lunarharp]

scribbly first date type affair (continuation of my modern au stuff)

[cluescorner]

Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:

Steph (25):

Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)

Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)

Her worst trait really is her spitefulness

Cass (26)

Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.) 

Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness. 

Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)

Tim (24)

Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)

Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)

His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)

Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)

Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this). 

Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)

His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)

Dick (17) 

Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)

Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)

His worst trait actually is his anger issues.

Barbara (18)

Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)  

Thinks her worst trait is her disability 

Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)

Damian (16)

Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)

Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism 

His worst trait actually is his perfectionism

Duke (16)

Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)

Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)

His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words

Jason (14)

Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne). 

Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)

His worst trait actually is his reactiveness

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

“i’m an ally to disabled people!” mhm ok so you’re still masking then? oh you’re not? interesting

[bunnihearted]

.

[nabaath-areng]

I got stuck in bed entirely because my pulse went haywire, but now I finally got a window of enough energy to get downstairs and grab whatever the machine is called that checks your blood pressure and pulse. And the thing that's so confusing is that technically the numbers would indicate that everything looks completely healthy and normal.

But I have naturally low blood pressure and yet I get those intense spikes where my pulse will go from like 70 ish to 100+ without warning and leaving me immobilized for however long it decides to race. And the only reason I could check now was because it calmed down enough for me to actually stand up and walk without fearing I might collapse, I have no idea if it was actually higher than what the machine is telling me now.

My pulse always caused me issues (especially during sports) growing up, but I never got wrecked to this level before. I feel a tiny bit better now but I can feel that it's not completely over yet, and I don't know when it will be. Laying in bed makes me feel fucked up in the head from despair but I have no other choice when it's the only thing that doesn't make me feel like I'll crumble and fall over.

I guess the upside is that the pain flares I had this morning is giving me a break now, and that the racing pulse helps me keep a bit warmer than usual so I won't need to turn the heater on lol. Nothing bad that doesn't bring something good I guess.

[cactusdying]

redraw of that thing i drew. Yeah

[atopvisenyashill]

we always talk about how theon should be at the club or renly should be at the club but i think tyrion should be in therapy, this seems obvious but i’m talking about even non extensive, you have mediocre healthcare and can only get a therapist for eight sessions before you reach the edge of their expertise which is mostly just unipolar depression & grief from a grandparent’s death, bc even the world’s shittiest therapist would listen to that man talk and be like “have you ever thought of just going no contact? it doesn’t seem like this is healthy and family clearly doesn’t give a shit. just like, change your number” ya know, and going no contact is a lot easier if you’re a trust fund baby in the 21st century bc he can just use the relatives he still talks to (im assuming gemma and jaime) as references for some high paying nothingburger job, move out, get a new phone, and just never see his dad again. like not for nothing but sometimes just waking up and knowing you never have to see that man’s bitch ass again?? it’s very healing.