#i don’t hate or even dislike ronan at all

[thecoffeetragedy]

I should read the ronan/dreamer trilogy because I care a lot about adam parrish but tbh I probably won’t because I only care about adam parrish

[karouvas]

ask game: for TRC what's a pairing u are Not a fan of? 👀

I’ll just answer all the fandom asks for trc since that’s one of those questions

Favorite character: Adam and Blue could fight it out depending on my mood since they’re all time favs for different reasons, but these days have had clinical levels of Adam brain rot so Adam <3 love that demented freak so bad

Least Favorite character: both Niall and Artemus for different reasons Niall I hate more as a person but he at least brings some interesting things to the narrative (even if I think the narrative also is kinder to him than he deserves) whereas Artemus is just boring + takes time away from more interesting Blue plots + dynamics so I resent him more ultimately. So Artemus. But of the mains + fandom favs there’s no one I strongly dislike I would have said Kavinsky a few years ago but that was only because I hated his fandom passionately, his char in a vacuum I’m quite centrist about.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

Adam x Gansey, Blue x Gansey, then if we’re including td3 Jordan x Hennessy is in third place and Jordan x Declan in fourth, and fifth Blue x Noah. not counting td3 fourth is Pynch (I’m mean about them sometimes but when trc Pynch is good they are really good.) and 5th hmmm. will go with Gansey x Henry but it could be one of a few ships depending on my mood, this is the everyone loves everyone series after all.

Character I find most attractive: middle school Sana was in love with Helen lol to the point where I mentally wrote some self insert-y Blue x Helen fanfiction. Now I would probably say Gwenllian (which is helped by the fact when I went to work on her section of my trcverse minor women Pinterest board I saw a lot of Katie McGrath/ Morgana images and I’m watching bbc Merlin rn so! relevant to my interests).

Character I would marry: Jordan <3.

Character I would be best friends with: I don’t badly want to be friends with anyone from the verse of protags..Jordan and Blue are the only candidates out of them everyone else is just automatically nope. Oh and I could hang with ghost Noah but probably not Noah back when he was alive. In general honestly I’d love to spend time with Persephone as her research assistant in her phd writing or being trained by her like Adam was or having her as an Aunt/maternal figure like Blue did.

A random thought: very normal about this series as you can tell

An unpopular opinion: well I just said this in the tags of that poll but even though I love TDT a lot it’s not my unequivocal favorite like it is for a lot of people / I prefer BLLB and TRB as overall books. Part of this is def character biases related since TRB is the Adam book but also has quite a bit of Blue/300 fox way and then BLLB is the Blue book but also has quite a lot of Adam focus (although ironically TDT is probably my favorite book of them all for Adam content specifically. I love when my favs get messy <3) and I love Ronan but gravitate towards him least out of the core four.

My canon OTP: Blue x Gansey

Non-canon OTP: Adam x Gansey

Most badass character: honestly not a lot of chars in this verse I think of as badass… I mean Adam’s ruthlessness and cleverness are impressive as hell but I also think of him as more pathetic than he gets credit for being in certain ways so hesitate to call him that. Calla or the Gray Man

Pairing I am not a fan of: I really don’t have a ship I hate or even strongly dislike overall in this verse, it’s more about active vs passive interest in various pairings or that existing on a scale, or it’s about how I feel about fandom’s take on a dynamic. I used to say Rovinsky but again that was for fandom reasons not canon ones and certainly not for morality discourse reasons. These days if I’m being negative about a ship it’s usually Pynch and that’s for a combination of late canon reasons + fandom issues. BLLB Pynch will always have been a slay though, and they get to take that to their graves some ships never achieve that level of slay even for a limited time. Least interesting relationship across the board…. Sorry to say it but honestly Carliana. I enjoyed some td3 yuri in that I was obsessed with the Jordanessy clonefucking vibes and intrigued by what little Carmenessy there was but Carliana… I can’t say I found it terribly compelling. But not to the extent of hate just like a flatline.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): trc wise Blue but Not for the reasons I’ve seen fandom go for in the past as some of the things fandom slotted as bad writing / screw ups I would defend as good character writing specifically the types of criticisms that were just like. “It’s bad writing that she has dimensionality and flaws such as being judgmental or insecure or hypocritical and having imperfect views of feminism or being occasionally classist or displaying internalized misogyny but when the boys do this sometimes to worse extents (especially on the misogyny front) I think it’s a realistic flaw boys will be boys” DIE! And then as a response to this criticisms ik Blue stans in old school fandom (I might even have been a bit guilty of this when I was like. 13) would write a million headcanons about Actual Blue who is a perfect feminist unlike canon Blue and like… ultimately that’s not Blue / not the char I love. Not that this is specific to Blue it happens all the time with similar molds of character or female chars in other archetypes with adjacent discourse surrounding them Piper McLean is another example that comes to mind, so many others count especially in male-lead media where there’s then pressure on the fewer female chars to represent ideals rather than being three dimensional people the way the male chars are. So I think Those criticisms of Blue’s writing are ultimately not relevant in my mind / aren’t real criticisms. And in general I think she’s a well written character in the first three books which is not to say that misogyny doesn’t impact how she’s written in those books I could certainly be analytical about that if I wanted to be but nothing that detracts from her overall character. HOWEVER, the writing still Does ultimately fail Blue / do her dirty / is misogynistic towards her not because she has these flaws but because the narrative ultimately *resolves* these flaws by having her only learn to not be so judgemental of rich white boys and one rich Asian boy instead of anyone else or spending an equal amount of time breaking down their assumptions about her, TRK doesn’t give her personal struggles almost any page time and she has the sloppiest resolution in that book with her whole fundamental nature being boiled down to her being a tree before she has to Plot. So yeah I do think she’s done dirty by the writing but I’m generally hesitant to agree with people who say that she deserves better writing before I hear qualifying statements about what exactly they mean / how they mean it, for these reasons.

Favourite friendship: despite also shipping them my gut instinct was Blue and Noah, otherwise it’s Adam and Persephone

[irlwandamaximoff]

— you took everything from me.

⊹ i don’t even know you.

— you will.

call me elizabeth or rogue, thanks! i’m okay with any nicknames, though. they/she preference, though i am okay with any/all. bi, single & def not interested in dating.... infp-t, enneagram 4w3, sagittarius. carrd here!

i like bones and all, criminal minds, yellowjackets, call me by your name, mama (2013), the hunger games, mcu, law & order: svu, where the wild things are, the lovely bones, izombie, taylor swift, olivia rodrigo, conan gray, gracie abrams, beabadoobee, mitski, ashnikko, nf, anything with timothée chalamet or saoirse ronan in it, photography, writing, reading, nature & large and/or wild animals; wolves, horses, geese, panthera genus, house cats, large dogs. true crime, horror, paranormal/spiritual stuff, instruments, eddieVR/special edd, sam & colby, the boys (yt channel. not the knockoff superheroes.)

before you follow: suspected audhd + bipolar (or bpd), haven’t been tested yet— can’t legally be tested for bipolar/bpd yet. can be dry, stox, and distant. very forgetful and easily upset, i also apologize a bit too much. there may be times i may ‘ghost’ you, but that’s just because i really am not the best at making conversations. i promise i don’t mean to! i often mimic/copy other people’s personalities (i do not know why), but if you don’t like the way i act; i could very well just be giving the same energy you give me... please keep in mind i am a minor (14, 15 in a few months), so if you’re over 18 pleaseee don’t follow or interact :(

do not follow if: you’re toxic, manipulative, controlling, overly sensitive or take things too seriously, dry. basic dnf/i (pedophiles, shota/lolis, pro/comshippers, rape, sh/ed mentions, gore, any phobias—homophobia, transphobia + isms—racism, ableism, sexism.) if you mention topics like palestine. i’m sorry, but i’m a minor and really there’s not much else i can do about it. it’s an awful situation— but please don’t loop me into it. if you bash on/hate other peoples interests, dislike/hate on specific celebrities/artists for no reason, or do it just to annoy others (i honestly hate u guys). if you start drama online (it’s honestly pathetic like dawg ur online. just put the phone down. close the laptop.). if you’re over 18 or under 13, please do not interact with this blog, or add me anywhere else, unless i have given you an ok or we have known each other for a while. i am uncomfortable with it otherwise!

[claire-de-lune]

I just recently watched the 1994 adaptation of Little Women and the 2019 adaptation, and I’ve got to say, even though I was more excited for the 2019 one because of Emma Watson, I didn’t like it that much and much preferred the 1994 version. Also Winona Ryder was so much better than Saoirse Ronan as Jo March. I also felt like they made me dislike Amy more in this version, even though her relationship with Laurie did make more sense this time around. And overall I liked Jo and Laurie’s friendship better in the original (but maybe that’s because Timothee is annoying to me). And of course the heart of it all which was the sisters, I felt like the 1994 girls had better chemistry. Anyways, the 1994 version is the one to beat so far. Now I have to watch the prime version and the much older versions from (1917, 1918, 1933, 1949) if ever find time. And don’t even get me started on Marmee. I also hated the time jumps in the 2019 version.

[piningeddiediaz]

I personally think Pynch anniversary is November 2nd because 1st is ronans bday and idk they kissed and all and probably talked through the night and i think it makes sense that the anniversary would be November 2 but thats just me. They’re basically together now for 1 yr and idk 1-2 months. Since they got together 1 yr before adam left and now it’s November/December again.

I have a question btw. Why do you think so many people seem to dislike Adam and/or Declan? I mostly am following pynch / Adam blogs but i see a lot of negativity too and idgi.

I personally like gansey and blue for example even tho they’re not perfect but actually no character is, not even adam even tho i love him dearly. But so much of the stoey happens bc of adam and idk…

Also I hate kavinsky apologists or people who say ronan had a crush on him wtf 😳 like. No. Kavinsky was disgusting and yeah maybe lost too but an asshole nonetheless. Ronan was already riding his crush on adam wave and he def wasnt interested in kavinsky except for the racing and dreaming convos ?! Sorry brain dump

yeah, I suppose that makes sense. depends on when you define their anniversary ig? is it an anniversary when you first kiss? when you admit feelings? when you officially declare you are together? I sure as fuck wouldn't know!

and oh boy, I have thought about why people hate Adam a lot and I think Adam perfectly described why in trb - "rags to riches isn't a story anyone wants to hear until after its done." I can't speak for everyone, but it wasn't until end of trb/start of dream thieves that I started to like Adam. I liked gansey immediately, but barely skimmed over adam's chapters until we got to his "what do you want, Adam? to feel awake when my eyes are open" because suddenly I could understand with vivid clarity why I was so eager to not pay attention to Adam - it's because he is real. gansey, at least at the start, was not. he was from the get go established to be the typical male lead. handsome, popular, rich. he's privileged but tries to be humble (even when he fails at it), he tries to be a good friend (even tho sometimes he fails at it). gansey was presented to be the kind of protagonist we are all familiar with. we've seen him in nearly every piece of literature. but Adam? Adam is real. Adam is like the average person. he doesnt get to hope for a future, he has to make one. he understands this fact, perhaps more and way earlier than any other person might, and he wont let anything stand in the way. in trb it made him appear to be cruel, because when people read books about friendship they want it to be all or nothing. you would give up your life for your friend. you would give up everything for them. and so the audience, who are already naturally inclined to immediately go towards gansey, are frustrated at Adam because he's your friend! he just wants to help you! it's not until adam's arc ends that people really understand where Adam comes from, why adam does this. you cant give something to someone who has always had nothing and expect them to not think it doesnt come with strings attached. in the real world, it always does. and I think that is why adam's character arc hits all the more. I thought he was an interesting character from the start, but it wasn't until dream thieves, it wasn't until Adam had really really started his character development, that I finally understood. to me, personally, thinking too hard on adam's character was uncomfortable because then I would have to face the reality of life. liking gansey was safer, because he is the prince. the hero. the one you know is going to make it out in the end. the one you're supposed to like. but then Adam, who was supposed to be the side character in gansey's story, makes his own. he becomes the protagonist, takes charge of the story and the narrative - he doesnt just get the title of protagonist, he specifically makes it for himself. and honestly, I dont think adam's absolutely amazing spectacular character development hits as well if you didnt dislike him at the start because, Maggie makes sure you inevitably have an 'oh' moment where you realise that its been about adam parrish all along. its one of the main reasons why I will undoubtedly say Maggie Stiefvater is my favourite author - she is so good at manipulating her readers!

the same goes for declan, I think. we're not supposed to like him, because aside from that one pov he has, we only see him from the perspective of people who don't like him. I personally liked Declan right from the start, but I am in the minority because I know what its like to have to parent your shithead brother because your parents wont. but we were intended to not like declan until we finally saw his story from his pov in the dreamer trilogy. again, expert storytelling by mstief.

(tho if you still dont like declan and adam idk what to tell y'all. maybe reread the book with critical thinking skills?)

and yeah, I have to agree with you there. I have a lot of problems with a lot of things gansey and blue - especially gansey - do (more or less all of dream thieves??? I dont think I will ever forgive gansey for the car convo) but I cant say that makes me hate them exactly, because they are very complex characters.

and yeah dont even get me started on kavinsky. tbh I have his tag blocked and dont ever interact with any k posts. he was gross and disgusting and im glad he died.

[literatureandmonsters]

Monsters and Self-Acceptance in YA Lit: The Dream Thieves

The word monster “derives from the Latin monstrum, which is related to the verbs monstrare (‘show’ or ‘reveal’) and monere (‘warn’ or ‘portend’) [1].” Monsters have been a staple of our stories for hundreds of years. What do monsters, specifically in stories for young adults, warn us against? 

The Dream Thieves, a 2012 YA novel by Maggie Stiefvater, explores how monsters in literature can meaningfully characterize self-loathing and illuminates the path to overcoming it. The Dream Thieves is the second novel in a young adult fantasy series that follows a group of friends on their quest to find and obtain a wish from a mythical king said to be sleeping in the hills of western Virginia. In the second book, the friends learn that one of them, Ronan, has the ability to take things from his dreams; however, Ronan has little control over this ability and frequently brings monsters out of his nightmares. These monsters, I will argue, represent Ronan’s self-hatred and the journey he takes to tame these monsters is a meaningful tale of self-acceptance. 

In the first scene involving these monsters, we see one of Ronan’s dreams quickly turn into a nightmare. "Ronan could hear the night horrors coming, in love with his blood and his sadness. Their wings flapped in time with his heartbeat... Ronan was afraid of [them] in a ... permanent way that came from being killed by them again and again in his head.” When he accidentally brings two of the monsters out of his nightmare, he has to explain to his friends that “they come when I’m having a nightmare... They hate me. In the dreams, they’re called night horrors.’” Since the night horrors Ronan dreams of loath him, when he brings these monsters out of his dreams, he is essentially creating a physical manifestation of the hatred he feels towards himself.  

We do not immediately learn why Ronan is filled with so much resentment towards himself. The prologue, however, reveals that “Ronan Lynch lived with every sort of secret.” His first is that he has the ability to take things from his dreams, but we also learn that he has a “harder kind of secret. One you keep from yourself.” Both secrets are intertwined with Ronan’s monstrosity and his self-hatred. 

The first secret about his magical ability makes Ronan view himself as a monster:

“It was not the easiest thing to take only one thing from a dream… To bring any of the things from his nightmares — no one but Ronan knew the terrors that lived in his mind. Plagues and devils, conquerors and beasts. Ronan had no secret more dangerous than this… He remembered what Gansey had said: You incredible creature! Creature was a good word for him, Ronan thought. What the hell am I?” 

He remembers the words his closest friend told him when Ronan showed him something he dreamed for the first time: “You incredible creature!” Later, in church, “Ronan closed his eyes to be blessed” and silently prays, “please God what am I tell me what I am." Ronan’s strange ability allows him to take monsters from his nightmares, but it also causes leads him to view himself as a monster or creature. This ability also makes him constantly wonder what exactly he is. Later in the novel, a character looks at Ronan and plainly says “I know what you are.”  

This character is Joseph Kavinsky, a classmate of Ronan and his friends and an antagonistic force in their lives. At the beginning of the book, Kavinsky, as he is called, is mainly known for his wild parties and fast cars, and frequently street-races Ronan. After one of these races, the night horror that escaped from Ronan’s dreams in the first scene attacks him. Kavinsky drives up and shoots the night horror dead. As they are driving away from the scene, Kavinsky tells Ronan, “I know what you are,” and subsequently reveals that he, too, can take things out of his dreams, that the very car they are riding away in was dreamed up by him. Suddenly, Ronan is not alone. He still does not have a word for what he is, the “creature” that he is still does not have a name, but Ronan is no longer the only one. In fact, one of the first questions Ronan asks Kavinsky is “are there others?” However, Kavinsky just replies, “hell if I know.”  Despite his strong dislike of Kavinsky, Ronan is relieved. He is also disturbed that his secret – something only his friends know – is out. “Ronan’s heart twitched convulsively. It couldn’t seem to get used to this secret being the opposite of one.” But as we know from the prologue, this secret is Ronan’s only secret.  

We do not learn for sure what this concealed secret is until almost the end of the novel. After Kavinsky teaches Ronan how to take things from his dreams more deliberately, Ronan goes back to his friends. In a tense exchange as Ronan is leaving, Kavinsky says, “you don’t fucking need him” meaning Ronan’s best friend, Gansey. To this, Ronan responds “Wait. You thought- it was never gonna be you and me. Is that what you thought?” This interaction marks the end of friendly relations between the two dreamers and leads us closer to discovering Ronan’s second secret.

During the climax of the book, Ronan and Kavinsky meet in the dreamspace where they both take things from. Ronan asks Kavinsky “What’s here, K? Nothing! No one!” to which Kavinsky replies “Just us.” Ronan contemplates Kavinsky’s response: “There was a heavy understanding in that statement, amplified by the dream. I know what you are, Kavinsky had said.” This contemplation leads to the Ronan admitting his second secret:

‘That’s not enough,’ Ronan replied.

‘Don’t say Gansey, man. Do not say it. He is never going to be with you. And don’t tell me you don’t swing that way, man. I’m in your head.’

‘That’s not what Gansey is to me,’ Ronan said.

‘You didn’t say you don’t swing that way.’

Ronan was silent. Thunder growled under his feet. ‘No, I didn’t.’” 

Up until this point, Ronan has not said aloud - or even thought about - the second secret mentioned in the prologue, but in this climactic scene of the novel, Ronan replies with, “no, I didn’t.” We now see that the secret Ronan kept from himself is about his sexuality. This revelation sheds light on why Ronan’s mind was filled with monsters that hated him, and casts light on another reason why he also viewed himself as a monster.

The author, Maggie Stiefvater, has said that the most important part of writing her stories is “getting into the reader’s head and moving the emotional furniture around.” As book reviewer Lee Mandelo notes, in regards to Ronan’s “sexuality, his secrets from others and himself, his attraction to Adam and Kavinsky in equal and terrifying measures” Stiefvater is “‘moving the emotional furniture around’ while the reader isn’t looking.” While we haven’t seen Ronan contemplating his sexuality in any part of the book, we realize that the parts we have seen (Ronan’s shame, self-hatred, and fear of his secrets being revealed) all tie into his sexuality as well. Ronan remembers Kavinsky’s earlier statement, “I know what you are,” but where before it meant that Kavinsky knew Ronan was a dreamer, here it means he knows he is gay. Stiefvater continues this emotional work after we realize the reason for Ronan’s self-loathing. 

After Ronan’s “no, I didn’t,” Kavinsky, spurned by Ronan, takes a monster of his own from the dreamspace. Ronan knows that the monster, now in reality, poses a great threat to his friends in the waking world. Ronan needs to dream up something to combat Kavinsky’s monster; Then a night horror appears. Since these monsters “never want anyone else,” Ronan laments, “this won’t save anyone.” A friend in the dreamspace tells Ronan, “‘It’s only you. Why do you hate you?’” The statement “it’s only you” cements the supposition that Ronan’s night horrors are an extension of himself, particularly the part of himself that loathes what he is (both a dreamer, and gay, as we now know).  However, Ronan considers what his friend says and in response to “why do you hate you?” concludes, “I don’t.” When Ronan wakes up he brings the night horror with him, but this time the monster does not set out to kill him. It saves his friends from Kavinsky’s monster. “The fire dragon pitched towards Gansey and Blue. Ronan didn’t have to shout to his night horror. It knew what Ronan wanted. It wanted exactly what Ronan wanted. Save them.” The night horror had always “wanted exactly what Ronan wanted,” but it is only after Ronan realizes that he does not hate himself anymore, that the night horrors do not wish him harm. 

The other dreamer, Kavinsky, does not get the self-acceptance arc that Ronan does. Ronan’s journey of self-acceptance quite literally saves his life when he tames the dream monsters that represented his self-hatred. The opposite happens with Kavinsky. Kavinsky shares both parts of Ronan’s identity that gave him so much shame and self-hatred: a gay teenage boy, who is also a dreamer. Kavinsky does not have a “I don’t” moment regarding his self-hatred, and while Ronan’s monster learn to obey him, Kavinsky’s monster (and perhaps his self-hatred) destroys him. As the two dream monsters combat, Ronan notices that Kavinsky is standing purposefully in the path of destruction. Ronan shouts to Kavinsky to get down, but “Kavinsky didn’t look away from the two creatures. He said, ‘The world’s a nightmare.’ A second later, the fire dragon exploded into him. It went straight through him, around him, flame around an object. Kavinsky fell. He crumpled to his knees and then slumped gracelessly off the car.” Ronan remarks that “Kavinsky was dead. But he had been dying since Ronan met him. They both had been.” Both characters started off in the same place: depressed, amazed yet terrified at their ability to bring things from their dreams, coping with alcohol and street racing, mired in self-hatred and internalized homophobia, but only one of the characters makes it out.

The opposite endings Ronan and Kavinsky receive show the dangers of not accepting yourself and warn us of the self-hatred that often comes with having a marginalized identity. This story is steeped in a magic: there’s dreamworlds and kings and nightmare monsters, but it is a story completely applicable to real life. Ronan also starts off wondering “what am I?” and worrying that the answer is a “creature.” This parallels how certain identities can make one a monster in the eyes of society. Thankfully, Ronan realizes that he is not a monster for either secret or for either piece of his identity.

When I read The Dream Thieves for the first time years ago, I was somewhere between my own “no, I didn’t” realization, but before my “I don’t” moment. I was so moved by Ronan’s story. After watching Ronan progress through The Dream Thieves, burdened by the secrets he will not admit and terrorized by the monsters of his own creation, we can rejoice when he tames his monsters, accepts himself, and realizes he does not deserve his hatred. I can only hope that young readers will look at how undeserving Ronan is of his self-loathing and how he unlearns it, and undertake that same journey themselves.  

This story lays a roadmap for young readers to forgo the self-loathing they may feel at certain aspects of themselves. Reader can to find love and adoration for characters who have yet to find love for themselves, and in watching these characters find ways to accept shunned and monstrous parts of themselves, they can be encouraged to embark on their own journeys of banishing self-hared.

Perhaps this is why there are so many memorable stories of monsters being transformed by love and self-acceptance, such as the recent The Shape of Water and the enduring Beauty and the Beast. Regarding this last story, psychologist John Gressel P.h.D., says the story encourages us to “find the beauty in the beasts in our lives.” He tells readers to

“Think of some part of you or your life that you don't like, can't accept, wish were otherwise… some aspect of yourself or your circumstances that has you feeling trapped, that you hate, that you want to go away or to escape from. According to this tale… you must learn to love this very thing you currently hate... Until you do, you are trapped in this prison cell of not accepting yourself or your life as it is. It is only through this kind of self acceptance, genuine and complete, that… we can unite with this previously unacceptable feature of our lives and live happily ever after. This is when that which we despise is transformed into something beautiful.”

In Beauty and the Beast, the Beast is literally transformed by earning Belle’s true love. As Gressel points out, Beauty and the Beast – and I would argue Twilight and The Dream Thieves –encourage the reader to “learn to love [the] very thing you currently hate.” Monster stories geared towards young people, whether in classics from the 1800s or in modern Young Adult novels, are a great opportunity to warn young readers of the dangers of self-hatred and the power of loving and accepting yourself.

In The Dream Thieves, Ronan’s self-hatred is literally a threat against his life. His dreams are filled with monsters that hate him as much as he hates himself, and he has to contend with these monsters when he brings them into his waking life. After accepting his sexuality, his monsters – and his self-hatred – are transformed similarly to how Gressel describes the meaning of monster stories happening when something “we despise is transformed into something beautiful.”

[parrishh]

Pynch and "I adore you" any thoughts? XD I Need some FLUFF right now ugh

okay but like, honestly, i don't think this happens too often. i think "i saved your life because i love you" was such a big deal because maybe neither one of them hears it as much as they'd like. but, at the same time, i think they both know when the other really needs to hear it. i was trying to think of an example of when that might happen, and i ended up just writing it. i know that's not what you were asking for but i haven't felt ~inspired~ to write for a while so i had to roll with it lol. here you go, a super quick "i adore you" one shot, audience of one:

It was common knowledge that Ronan Lynch was a shit.

Everyone and their mother knew it. If Adam opened the Aglionby yearbook to a random page, closed his eyes, and pointed, there was about a ninety-five percent chance the person he landed on would have some story to share in which Ronan Lynch was, in fact, being a shit. The night-shift clerk at the Singer’s Falls Sunoco, the one where Ronan bought his Slim Jims and tiny bottles of 5-Hour Energy, would have several stories. Even Ronan’s dentist would likely have stories, assuming Ronan ever listened when Declan told him his It’s time for your annual cleaning! postcard had arrived and he had to go soon, please. He had great teeth, so probably.

But the thing about Ronan being a shit was that there were levels to it. There wasn’t just Shit, period. There was I actively dislike you and want you to know it Shit. There was I secretly don’t dislike you and don’t want you to know it Shit, I don’t even know you but I’m having a bad day Shit, and If I don’t hurt you first, you’ll hurt me Shit. There was even a unique brand of Shit reserved solely for Declan.

Being close with Ronan meant either being the recipient of or personally witnessing most of these types of Shit at some point or another, but with that came the ability to differentiate between them. Adam, who knew Ronan better than anyone knew Ronan and was also sometimes pretty shitty himself, was intimately familiar with the varying degrees of Shit. He also knew that Ronan had been through more terrible crap in his eighteen years of life than most people would go through, ever, so even though the point of the Shit was to push people away, Adam pushed back. He talked to Ronan. He asked questions, or he listened, or he accepted, without argument, the times that Ronan didn’t want to talk at all, and all of those things meant that he had learned, or was at least in the process of learning, what Ronan needed and when he needed it.

Which is why, when they got back to the Barns one night and Ronan kicked the boots off his feet with a little too much force before stomping into the living room, alone, Adam thought about the news Gansey had shared in the booth at Nino’s and knew, right away, what kind of Shit this was.

Ronan had responded to the revelation of Gansey’s year-long road trip by shoving an entire slice of pizza in his mouth, so that by the time he’d finished chewing, the awkward silence would make Blue too antsy and she’d start excitedly chattering about the way redwoods seemed to stretch up forever if you stood at the foot of them, or so she’d read. So that when Gansey hesitantly slid glossy pamphlets and itineraries across the table, Ronan could shrug and waggle his grease-soaked fingers in the air, forcing Gansey to take the papers back and stack them, protectively, in his lap. It all worked. Ronan made everyone so uncomfortable that he didn’t have to say or do anything at all, and he didn’t. No snarky remarks or rude jokes all night. Just tense shoulders and silence.

This was bad, Adam knew. He sighed, slipping out of his sneakers and leaving them neatly by the door. He retrieved Ronan’s shoes from halfway down the hallway and stacked them next to his own, his heart heavy in his chest. This was Everyone I love leaves me Shit, and it was bad. It was really, really bad.

“Ronan?” he called, socked feet soft against the wood floor as he rounded the corner into the living room.

The back of Ronan’s head was visible over the top of the couch he was slumped on. He had turned the TV on but left the volume too low to hear. The Simpsons flickered across the screen, technicolor mouths moving silently, no subtitles. Ronan was staring at the screen intently, trying to read animated lips or making up his own dialogue or else maybe, likely, looking at the moving pictures without taking anything in at all.

“Hey,” Adam said softly. There wasn’t really enough space for a whole other person to squeeze between Ronan and the arm of the couch, but he did anyway, not bothering to wait for a response. He drew his knees up, Ronan’s hip digging painfully into his own, and wiggled his left foot under Ronan’s calf. Ronan was warm against his side and Adam leaned into him even though there wasn’t any room to.

For a few minutes, neither of them moved or spoke or did anything. Adam ignored the uncomfortable way his shoulder blade jabbed into the couch and watched Bart Simpson emphatically say nothing and tried very hard not to peek at Ronan out of the corner of his eye. Ronan was still quietly absorbed in Ronan-thoughts, but he didn’t move away. They were pressed so tightly together Adam could feel each one of Ronan’s too-quick breaths in the rise and fall of Ronan’s upper arm against his own.

Adam knew Ronan. He knew that Ronan hadn’t said anything at Nino’s because he loved Gansey, and he knew that Ronan hadn’t shied away because he loved Adam, and he knew that both of those things combined meant Ronan would talk. That Ronan wanted to talk, so long as he got a minute to sort through the minefield of his feelings. So Adam, his heart a little lighter, was patient. He watched Bart write lines on a chalkboard and he hated the Simpsons and he didn’t say a word.

“We can turn it up, you know,” Ronan muttered, finally, but he didn’t so much as twitch a finger towards the remote he’d haphazardly tossed onto the other side of the sofa.

Adam’s chest fluttered. “I have just about zero interest in actively watching The Simpsons.” He twisted his head. Ronan was still staring pointedly at the TV, Marge’s tall, electric blue hair reflected brightly in the cornflower blue of his eyes. “I think the fact that I can’t hear it might actually be making it better.”

This got a brief flash of a smile out of Ronan, but then he grimaced, wriggling his hips away from Adam. “Your bony ass fucking hurts, man-” he kept wriggling some more “-and don’t talk shit about The Simpsons.” His fingers lingered at the hem of Adam’s flannel shirt, and he didn’t move the leg that Adam’s foot was still wedged under, and Adam loved him so much it hurt, which was why he pushed him. Why he was always going to push him.

“He’s not leaving forever,” Adam whispered, trailing a knuckle across Ronan’s cheek.

Ronan looped his finger through Adam’s and brought them both to his lips, his long exhale slow and warm. His voice, when he spoke, was low and uncharacteristically quiet. “I know I was being a dick. I know that.” He closed his eyes and opened them again, let Adam’s hand drop, fidgeted in his seat. “But everything I wanted to say wasn’t nice, so I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t do that to him. He looked too...too happy, and, and-”

“Alive?” Adam offered, getting it. Really getting it, more than Ronan could guess. It had been months since Gansey had died and come back, and Adam still, every time he looked at him, saw the way he’d crumpled to the asphalt. It was etched into the back of his eyelids like a lithograph, or maybe more like some sort of old, 1920s-style animation. Like Steamboat Willie. A tragic short film, admit one.

Or two. Ronan looked up sharply and nodded once, quick. He looked as though he was about to say something, but he stopped, ground his teeth, and said, instead, “So, yeah, if he wants to go all Where’s Waldo with Sargent and Henry fucking Cheng, he should do that.”

“Ronan-”

“You’ll be in Boston. Matthew and Declan will be in D.C. Gansey will be in Timbuk-fuckin’-tu, but it’s great. It’s swell. I’ll be here every Friday night playing goddamn Scrabble with Opal. Five points for L-O-S-E-R.”

“Ronan,” Adam repeated. “Not one of us is planning on being away from you for like, the rest of time. We’re just...doing things. Because people do things, Ronan, but we’re all going to come back. And we’ll all be calling you, all the time, probably.” He pulled on Ronan’s earlobe, fingers curled against Ronan’s jaw. “You’ll be picking up collect from Timbuk-fuckin’-tu. Gansey will see a dung beetle or some shit and he’ll want to tell you all about it.”

“Yeah, but-” Ronan paused to gnaw on his wristbands, avoiding Adam’s gaze and staring at the TV again. There was some sort of pharmaceutical commercial on. A mom and her two-and-a-half kids and a golden retriever were all running jolly circles around a rainbow sprinkler while adverse side-effects ticked against the sky. “You guys will see and do exciting new shit every day. I’ll just be watching the cows sleep and telling Opal not to eat laundry detergent.”

“You could literally stare at a blank wall twenty-four hours a day and we’d still be happy just to hear your voice,” Adam told him and meant it. He leaned across Ronan, fumbled for the remote, and hit the power button. Now the only light in the room was the faint, dusky moonlight through the tall windows, and it splattered purple across Ronan’s forehead. They blinked at each other, the house somehow quieter even though the TV had been muted anyway.

“The Simpsons,” Ronan protested weakly, just to be difficult, and Adam clutched at his hand.

“Fuck the Simpsons,” he said solemnly. “Ronan, Gansey adores you. I adore you. You’re stuck with us, I promise.”

Ronan continued to stare, his eyes unnaturally wide in the dark, then tilted forward, burying his face in the side of Adam’s neck. “Okay,” he whispered there, muffled against Adam’s skin.

Okay didn’t sound fully convinced, but it didn’t sound like a fight either, so Adam just looped his arms around Ronan and hummed “I love you” into his ear. Ronan lifted his head and kissed him, long but sweet, chaste but searing, and, even though he was a shit, Adam loved him so much it hurt, and it was good. It was really, really good.

[joezworld]

Fools in Love (5/10)

James And The Diesel Engine

1978

When 46 040 had declared that she would become friends with James, nobody in the sheds had really believed it.

James was vain, occasionally pompous, and immensely suspicious of diesel traction. It was a minor miracle that Bear and BoCo had been accepted by him, and Gordon speculated that it was due to the fact that neither engine was in a role that would displace the red engine.

040 on the other wheel, was in direct competition with him - right down to her shiny red paint. The big diesel had been eager to prove her worth, and had gladly accepted any work that the Fat Controller had given her. This meant that for most of the past year, there had been two red mixed traffic engines on Sodor.

Naturally, James was quite upset by this - he felt that he was being supplanted instead of supported, and tried valiantly to make 040 go away.

Unfortunately for James, 040 was determined to make a friend out of him, and treated him and everyone else with an almost impenetrable level of charm and good cheer that soon ingratiated herself with the other engines.

“She is of good stock.” Gordon said when she came up in discussion.

“A hard worker” was Duck’s assessment.

“Aye, if more diesels were like ‘er, the other railway would work a treat!” This from Douglas - high praise considering his well established and totally understandable dislike of diesels.

When he first met 040, he’d growled at her to ‘stay away’, and after a moment’s reflection, she’d apologized.

“What MPD were you at?” She’d asked after he’d growled at her.

“Glasgow - Eastfield.” He’d replied after a confused moment.

“Yeah, that figures.” She sighed ruefully. “I’m sorry, by the way. They only had enough of the “I hate steam engine” bits for the 45s, so us 46s and 44s never quite understood why everyone was so eager to replace you. Well, everyone except Spamcan, but he’s an arse to everyone.”

“Aye?” Douglas was very surprised.

“Of course. We tried to make them be nice - they certainly didn’t need to be so vicious about it - but once they know you care - well, it’s said that you can smell weakness in someone’s exhaust, so we weren’t treated much better than you were.”

“I... had no idea. Do they truly do that? There’s no’ even unity amongst diesels?”

“Not a whit. At least, not in the Midlands. Don’t worry though - they’re getting what’s coming to them. All three of us Peak classes are ‘non-standard’ now, so they’ll see what it’s like to be on the wrong side of progress soon enough.” Her tone was not light, but neither was it overly dark. She clearly had private opinions on the subject that she wanted to keep private. 

Douglas stared at the big diesel with newfound respect.

James soon found himself in the minority of opinions about 040. His resolve began to waver when she would cheerfully keep her composure even in the midst of a heated argument.

“You’re wrong and I can prove it!”

“How?”

“You haven’t got a boiler! You wouldn’t understand what boiler sludge feels like!”

“Ah! That’s where you’re wrong my steam-powered friend! I do have a boiler - for steam heating! I know exactly what boiler sludge feels like!”

“Cinders and Ashes you are impossible! Why are you so cheerful?!”

“I like arguing with you Jamie, it’s fun!”

“Jamie??!”

-----

One morning, the Fat Controller arrived in the sheds with some important news:

“The Thin Clergyman and his son will be visiting the island once again!” He declared cheerfully.

The engines were surprised. “I thought that he had retired from writing?” Gordon said.

“He has,” explained the Fat Controller. “But his son has decided to follow in his father’s footsteps and will be writing books of his own.”

Most of the engines were excited, but 040 was decidedly not. As soon as the Fat Controller left, her face fell into an uncharacteristic scowl. “I am not appearing in those fucking books.” She said menacingly.

This was arguably more surprising than the news of the Thin Clergyman’s arrival.

“Whyever not?” Asked Henry, who was quite pleased to have stories written about him.

“None of you know this,” She grimaced. “But the only more damaging thing than those books was the fucking Beeching Report! When he wrote about that 08 that tried to cause trouble for Duck, he might as well have thrown a bomb into every yard in the country! Everyone was either saying that we diesels were evil masterminds or that steam engines were idiotic dupes! There was zero civility between engines! Friendships ended! Lives were ruined! Locomotives were scrapped over this! I wasn’t even built then and I still have been forced to deal with it!”

She laughed at the jaw-dropped stares of the other engines. None of them had been on the mainland at that time, and they had no idea of the trouble that had gone on.

“And then there’s one-nine-nine! That nincompoop has gotten every one of us Peaks called a Spamcan! And that’s impressive considering there’s three different classes of us! I didn’t even know what Spam was before that book!”

Silence fell over the sheds for a good while.

“I had no idea...” Gordon eventually said in a small voice.

“I know.” 040 said as she slowly regained her cheery demeanor. “And that’s okay. But I really do not want to be in the books.”

“What’s this about books?” James had been out on an early stopper train, and had missed everything.

“Oh nothing Jamie, do you want to have an argument?”

“No! and stop calling me that!”

“Great! So I think we are actually having an argument right now, but what’s your take on it...?”

-----

The Thin Clergyman arrived onboard Gordon’s express, and was given a warm welcome by the Fat Controller at Tidmouth. Fortunately for 040, Gordon had been able to pass the word on with an earlier train, and she was able to flee the station before the author arrived.

The next week of her life was not unlike a scene from the Benny Hill Show - wherever 040 went, the Thin Clergyman and his son followed.

She ran a parcels train to Barrow - the Thin Clergyman was waiting on the next platform,

She hid behind the Works, only to find his Son riding on Skarloey’s footplate,

At Haltraugh she tried to hide behind Duck - with exactly as much success as one would expect,

The two men starting interviewing engines in the shed, and she was forced to hide amongst the coaches in the yard,

Thomas’ driver unexpectedly fell ill at Tidmouth, and she leapt at the chance to take his train - despite being longer than Annie and Clarabel put together! She made it as far as Elsbridge before curious trainspotters began flocking to take her picture, and she beat a hasty retreat to the main line just before the Clergyman arrived,

The engines at the Kirk Ronan branch were quite annoyed when she tried to squeeze into their shed - she was so big that the door wouldn’t shut!

Planned track work meant that one of the Ballahoo tunnels was closed, and she bluffed her way onto the work train so she could sleep in it. This was an effective hiding spot, until she told Henry, who laughed so loudly that the Thin Clergyman heard the entire story from across the yard,

She even tried sleeping in the electric branch sheds at Peel Godred, but was not only glared at by the very antisocial locomotives who lived there, but also had to hide from both the Thin Clergyman and His Son when they came to see the Culdee Fell Railway.

Finally, there was nowhere left to run - she had managed to find all of these hiding spots while still doing her jobs, but today she was the ‘relief’ engine at Knapford, which meant that she had to sit in the yard all day in case another engine failed.

In full view of the station building.

At midday,  James bustled in with a load of vans for Thomas’ branch line.

“What are you so anxious about?” He asked 040 with a mixture of scorn and surprise. The annoying red diesel was looking positively frantic as her eyes scanned the station building. It was most unlike her.

“Jamie! Hide me!” She hissed as James’ driver uncoupled the vans.

“What?”

“Hide me! Quickly!”

“Why?”

“The Clergyman! He’s right there in the station!”

James looked over, and sure enough, the Thin Clergyman and his son were sitting down to lunch in the station café. “Why?”

“Because he might write something about me!” 040 was frantic.

James was baffled, but remembered Gordon mentioning something about some engines not wanting to be written about. He’d assumed that Edward was just being introverted again, but perhaps there was more to it than that...

He was tempted to do the exact opposite - to blow his whistle, attract attention, and pay back the loudmouth diesel for all of her arguments and nicknames, but when he looked back at her, he realized that 040 was frightened of the Thin Clergyman.

James was many things, but sadistic wasn’t one of them, and he ran around his train and shunted the vans so that 040 was almost entirely obscured from sight.

“Thank you!” She whispered as he backed away.

“Keep it dark,”  He hissed back. “I have a reputation to uphold. And I’ll try and draw his attention to me so he doesn’t go looking for you.”

“Shouldn’t be too much of a problem for you.” She said with a small smile. “You always are the centre of attention!”

James smiled back as he backed into the yard proper, doing his best to make as much noise as he could until he came to a stop at the far end of the yard - as far away from 040 as possible.

His plan worked flawlessly. The Clergyman and his son had been so engrossed in their meal that they hadn’t noticed that any engine was there at all, and quickly made their way across the yard.

Unlike 040, James was always pleased to have someone write about him, and spent the better part of an hour answering the Clergyman’s questions.

“There was one other thing I wanted to know, James.” The Clergyman’s son said after a while. “We’ve been told that there’s a new diesel on the Island, but we can’t seem to find him anywhere!”

“Her.” James corrected before he could stop himself.

“Her?”

In for a penny, in for a pound. “Yes. She’s a girl, and she’s quite shy.”

“Really?” The Clergyman said as he scribbled in his notebook. “Can you tell me about her? Or where she is?”

“I don’t want to talk about anyone behind their back...” James said, knowing exactly how often he did just that. “But I saw her going to the works a few hours ago. You might be able to find her there and ask her yourself.”

This pleased the Clergyman and his Son, and they immediately set off in their hire car for the works. James waited until they had vanished from sight before he called out: “They’re gone!”

“Thank God!” 040 shouted from across the yard.

“Don’t thank him! Thank me!” James called back.

“Thank you James! Really, I owe you one now.” James couldn’t see the diesel, but he could somehow tell that she was smiling.

----

040′s luck finally ran out on the last day of the Clergyman’s trip. She was rostered to pull the night express, and didn’t realize that the Thin Clergyman was going to be on board. She almost jumped off the rails when she saw him climbing the stairs to the platform, she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding when he entered the train, and her face fell when she realized that he was merely putting away his luggage before he got out of the train and walked up to her.

“Hello there! I haven’t seen you before!” He said jovially while admiring her paint and stripes.

“I’m new.” She said, trying to keep her tone somewhat polite. The ugly anger rising in the pit of her engine block was making that a very hard thing to do.

“I can see that - you have been quite hard to find!”

“Have I?”

“Very much so, but nevermind that. I was wondering if you would be willing to let myself and my son write about you? You see, we write books abou-”

“I know what your books are about.”

“Oh you do?” The Thin Clergyman said, not missing the sudden undertone in the diesel’s voice.

“Oh yes. And I’m not even talking about Spamcan.” She smiled viciously as the Thin Clergyman winced at that reference.

“Yes, well-”

“I’m not done. I'm talking about the other book you wrote. About the 08? The one that got more than a few engines killed?”

“What?” The author recoiled at the now-undisguised venom in 040′s voice.

“Of course you don’t know. You don’t care about diesels, just your precious steam engines.” She glared at him with undisguised malice. “Do me a favor - take that notebook and go fuck yourself with it - I will never be in one of your books.”

As she said that, the signal dropped, and the guard - who couldn’t see the Clergyman due to a porter’s trolley in the way - blew his whistle.

040 set off immediately, leaving the Thin Clergyman standing on the platform, taking his baggage with her.

-

When the Clergyman’s son started publishing his books several years later, 040 was nowhere to be seen in any of them.

[taylorswiftdiscographyrate]

#100-91

100. White Horse (6.881) Highest score was 10; Lowest score was 2.7

Just barely scraping into the top 100 is Fearless’s track 5! White Horse is one of the only Track 5s to get the single treatment, the only other one being Delicate (unless you count The Archer being a promo single). This song won Grammys! 2 of them, to be precise - Best Country Song and Best Female Country Vocal Performance. And yet, here it languishes at number 100. Shame on us.

Highlighted comments: @corneliaavenue​: “I think this is her track 5 that aged the worst” @yourivysgrows: “Another amazing track 5″

99. I Wish You Would (6.900) Highest score was 9; Lowest score was 3

Finally, we enter the double digits! This song has some excellent storytelling with the very classic Taylor motif of 2am, and yet it’s never really gotten a huge amount of love from the fandom. While it’s hard to really pinpoint any song on 1989 as being “the most slept on”, since the whole album dominated pretty much the entire year after it released, but if we had to choose one song, this would probably be a big contender.

Highlighted comments: @yourivysgrows: “One of the most forgettable on 1989 ??”

98. Tim McGraw (6.953) Highest score was 9.25; Lowest score was 5

Her debut! This is THE song that introduced Taylor Swift™ to the world. If you’ve been a fan since this song was released, you have bragging rights and you should absolutely use them. There’s just something so timeless about this song, while I don’t consider it a favourite of mine, I enjoy it every time I listen to it.

Highlighted comments: @onceintwentylifetimes: “Timeless classic.” @tobesolonely: “literally her best opener” @itspeterlosingwendy: “good song, makes me nostalgic” 

97. Afterglow (6.963) Highest score was 11 (@na-smetisti); Lowest score was 3

The second-most slept on song of the Lover era. This song tackles a fight with a partner, and the resulting apology Taylor makes for starting it. It’s a nice song, and it got almost no acknowledgement from Taylor (I think it was mentioned in one interview? I can’t really remember and I can’t be bothered to go digging for it). If LoverFest had actually happened, this was probably going to be the song that got the cut. You all know its true.

Highlighted comments: @yourivysgrows: “She's beautiful”

96. the lakes (6.981) Highest score was 10; Lowest score was 3

I firmly believe that this being a deluxe track with a delayed release harmed its standing amongst the fandom. Had we had time to digest this alongside all the other folklore tracks, I’m sure it would be a lot more loved. It uses a lot of big words, and that can be intimidating!

Highlighted comments: @corneliaavenue: “I'm glad this was a bonus track, the tweet line ruins the entire song for me” @yourivysgrows: “I never reach for her ??”

94. This Love & I Almost Do (6.997) This Love: Highest score was 9.5; Lowest score was 3.4 I Almost Do: Highest score was 10; Lowest score was 1

Another tie! This Love is poetry. Literally poetry - it started out as a poem that Taylor wrote back in 2012 (we even got a sneak peek at its original writing in the Lover journals!). The slow and atmospheric production really fits the lyrics - that being said, while I love this song for that reason, I suppose I can understand why others might dislike it.

Highlighted comments: @yourivysgrows: “Dreamy as hell”

Now, let’s talk about I Almost Do. This used to be my least favourite song on Red - I still like it, just as I like every song on Red, but it was the one that stood out the least for me. So, while it has grown on me since, it’s not a great surprise to me that it didn’t rank particularly highly here.

Highlighted comments: @leadinmeon​: “this song has good lyrics but i always think abt the "ooooowooooowooo" at the start of the bridge and it's a bit cringe” @liabilitys​: “one of my fav songs but v underrated”

93. hoax (7.016)  Highest score was 9.5; Lowest score was 4

There is something about the lyric “stood on the cliffside screaming ‘give me a reason’” that is just so haunting to me. We never quite worked out what this song was, did we? Or if we did, then I missed the boat somehow. Someone fill me in please <3

Highlighted comments: @yourivysgrows: “I actually like this one a lot”

92. The Moment I Knew (7.056) Highest score was 10; Lowest score was 1

The storytelling! The storytelling! The Moment I Knew is a song that slowly, slowly reveals itself as it goes on. Cast your mind back to the first time you heard this song, and that final chorus came in and dropped the bomb of “Happy Birthday to you”, and you finally have the full picture of what went down. Her birthday party! How could you not show up to her birthday party! It’s hating Jake Gyllenhaal hours.

Highlighted comments: @leadinmeon: “it's weird i used to relate so much” @yourivysgrows: “Fuck Jake Gylenhaal part 25″

91. Ronan (7.106) Highest score was 10; Lowest score was 1

This is Taylor’s saddest song for me, no contest. I’m not going to say anything more about it, because Ronan is not really the type of song that invites critique.

Highlighted comments: @tobesolonely: “for how she incorporated Maya's blog posts as verses to give her writing credit”  @itspeterlosingwendy: “sad but good”

[pynches]

almost is never enough

aka the 5 times ronan and adam almost kissed but were interrupted and the 1 time they finally got their shit together and went for it

for @neontetraskill who requested “a hoarse whisper “kiss me”then licks their lips and says “please” from the kissing prompt list

word count: 3500 (satisfying right?)

1.

It had been a long time coming and it started with Ronan. Catching feelings for Adam Parrish came as easy as breathing, but dealing with those feelings often grabbed him by the throat and squeezed until he was choking. He had denied himself the possibility of getting together with Adam until it became unbearable, drowning him together with the other sorrows in his life that he never learned to come to terms with. All hope seemed lost when Adam got together with Blue and then they broke up and Ronan finally believed he had a chance. But Adam never saw him the way he saw Adam and the rejection hit him harder than he dared to admit. By the time Adam started looking back, Ronan had already given up.

But then it continued with Adam. Because Adam was smart and he knew and he ignored it until there was no room for ignoring it anymore. Ronan had fallen for him and Adam had fallen right with him.

Adam wasn’t like Ronan. He wasn’t careful and shy, he wasn’t painfully selfless. No, Adam went after what he wanted even if there was a chance of rejection. Not because he thought that he deserved Ronan in the least, but he was a selfish creature and he wanted Ronan.

Their first kiss should have happened then, in Ronan’s BMW, parked in front of St. Agnes, with neither of them willing to get out. It should have happened when Adam turned to look at Ronan and, for the first time, Ronan looked back without averting his eyes. It should have happened when Adam decided to inch closer, letting his breath hit Ronan’s lips. It should have happened with Ronan’s hand tangled in his shirt like he had now, his eyes closing as he sent a quick thank you to God.

Their first kiss should have happened like that, but it didn’t.

The smell of Cabeswater interrupted them, hitting Adam with a force that made him reel back. There were whispers in his deaf ear again, urging him to come to the forest and do his job as its Magician.

Ronan’s face was closed off when Adam turned to him, his jaw clenched.

“It’s Cabeswater,” Adam tried. Ronan just nodded and pulled out, turning the car back to the forest they had just come from.

Adam leaned his head back against the window, trying to catch Ronan’s eyes but he held them firmly on the road before them. Adam turned away from him and pretended to sleep, trying not to think of the possibility that this could have been the only shot he had at kissing Ronan.

2.

Adam thought he could have a second chance that same night. They had returned from Cabeswater and were both bone-tired, to the point that Adam forgot about the awkwardness of missed opportunities for long enough that he offered Ronan a place next to his bumpy mattress. Ronan took it without many words, placing his leather jacket underneath his head like he had done so many times before. There was such familiarity in the action that Adam dared to hope they could go back to before they ruined everything that had been building up between them.

Adam went to the bathroom to wash the dirt from Cabeswater off of him, hoping he would feel like himself again once he was done. By the time he came back, Ronan had his headphones over his ears and eyes closed. Adam could see he was not sleeping but Ronan was very clear in his implications.

There was no room for explanations, not tonight at least.

Adam tried to pretend he couldn’t physically feel his heart bleed from Ronan’s clear dismissal. He was a proud being and letting Ronan inside of the walls he had built up for himself was hard enough but now that Ronan had wrecked everything he had held so close, there was no universe in which he was the one to apologise, to vent off the awkwardness stifling the room.

He turned around so he didn’t have to see Ronan, closed his eyes, and pretended that his eyes were watering for a different reason.

The sniffles he let out were quiet, hidden, though, of course, Ronan managed to notice them anyway. There was something terrifying about Adam trying to hide the most vulnerable parts of himself and someone else seeing them without having to try.

He had his good ear pressed against his pillow, not hearing when Ronan got up so when Ronan leaned over him and pressed a tentative hand to his shoulder, Adam jumped, curling in on himself instinctively.

“Shit,” he heard muffled through the fabric of his flat pillow. Adam quickly wiped his eyes and turned to Ronan who staring at him wide-eyed.

“I would never-“ Ronan started, being interrupted by a quick, “I know.”

They were silent for a moment, Ronan in what could only be described as simmering rage slowly bubbling to the surface and Adam basking the awkwardness of his instinctual actions.

“Why were you crying?” Ronan asked, sounding too gentle for Adam’s liking. He was an expert in biting words and balled fists but he hadn’t learned how to handle gentleness yet, especially when coming from the last person you’d expect to have this underlying core of pure love inside of him.

“You know why,” Adam snapped back, his eyes trailing the bare wails, the cracked ceiling, anything to avoid Ronan’s questioning eyes.

Ronan sighed and caught his chin, his touch light and non-threatening. “Talk to me.”

“Bold request, Lynch,” Adam said, his voice cold and hard. “You were the one that avoided me.”

“I didn’t know… Shit, Parrish, I thought you regretted it ever happening.”

Adam twisted his hands together unconsciously, mirroring Ronan tugging at his bracelets. “Nothing has happened yet.”

Ronan stared at him a little too long for his liking, his eyes piercing right through him until it felt like Ronan was looking into his soul, not disliking what he saw.

Ronan was getting closer, his breath hot against Adam’s mouth. He leaned in and closed his eyes, waiting for Ronan to light him on fire.

Something big flew against his window, ripping them apart immediately. Ronan took a protective stance in front of Adam but he pushed him away so he could see what had ruined yet another chance of finally getting the kiss he craved.

Chainsaw was croaking indignantly at the closed window, rapping against it with her claws until Ronan sighed and opened the window for her.

She flew straight at Adam but he was prepared. He carried her more on his shoulders than Ronan these days.

Chainsaw nipped at his fingers playfully and he couldn’t help but smile at her, ruffling her feathers lightly.

Still, he was disappointed and impatient and he wanted Ronan to kiss him as he had imagined it. But Ronan’s face was closed off again, unreadable, even for Adam who had become quite good at guessing what Ronan was feeling.

Adam went to bed that night hungry for something he wasn’t sure he deserved.

3.

Adam found himself in Monmouth more often when Gansey was not there. He would never completely feel at home in Monmouth, too much of the other boys were ingrained in the walls of the establishment but the quiet days, when Gansey was secretly running off with Blue and Noah had disappeared to a place not reachable for them, Adam could almost pretend he belonged there too.

He and Ronan had tentatively gotten back to being friends, the previous almost-kisses pushed to the back of their minds as much as it would let them.

They were in the living room, Ronan’s expensive laptop propped up the coffee-table, probably wrinkling some important notes of Gansey’s but neither boy cared at that moment.

The couch they were sat on was big enough that they didn’t have to sit close to one another, so they didn’t, something Adam craved more than anything. He had long stopped watching the movie Ronan had picked out and instead took this moment to think of a plan to somehow fix what he had unintentionally broken.

“You’re not even watching, are you?” Ronan asked suddenly, making Adam jump in his seat.

Adam smiled guiltily but didn’t answer. He couldn’t come out and say ‘no, sorry, I was too busy thinking about how I wanted to hold your hand and sit close enough next to you to smell you’ so he turned his focus back to the screen, trying to ignore how Ronan was still watching him from the corner of his eyes.

“We can put something else on,” Ronan opted, the air surrounding them awkward and tense.

Adam shook his head, his eyes never leaving the screen. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not,” Ronan said, jumping up from the couch. “If you don’t want to be here, Parrish, then leave.”

“I do want to be here,” Adam shot back, sliding off the couch himself. He stood in front of Ronan, poking a finger in his chest. “But I’m not even sure how I’m supposed to act around you.”

“Well, not like this,” Ronan said sarcastically, his arms crossing in front of him.

Adam sighed and felt the anger drain out of his body. He was tired of messing up, breaking everything he got close to. All he wanted was to be back in that precious moment before everything had gone to shit, when he was so close to Ronan he could count his eyelashes, and smell the scent of expensive cologne. When Cabeswater hadn’t interrupted an opportunity he had longed for since he realised his feelings for Ronan.

“I should just go,” Adam said quietly, turning around to grab his backpack before a hand stopped him.

“No, you should just stay here and talk to me.”

Adam raised an eyebrow, promptly ignoring the heat of Ronan’s skin on his own. “We’re not the best talkers.”

“Yeah, well, maybe we should finally learn.”

And so they did.

They sat back on the couch, staring at each other uncertainly before Ronan took it upon himself to start.

“I guess I don’t hate you,” he said, looking at his hands.

“Wow,” Adam laughed. “Thanks.”

Ronan cursed and wiped a hand down his face. He took a breath, looked right into Adam’s eyes and said, “I like you.”

“I like you too,” Adam admitted immediately.

Ronan sighed and got up from the couch, pacing in front of it. Adam followed him with his eyes.

“No, you don’t get it,” Ronan said, his voice strung tight. “I like you.”

Adam got up from the couch himself and stopped Ronan’s frantic pacing with two hands on Ronan’s arms. He looked at him earnestly and smiled a little, “I like you too.”

“Oh,” Ronan let out in a quiet huff. “Okay.”

This time it was Adam who took the leap, leaning in so Ronan could see his clear intent.

They were close, so very close to finally letting their lips touch and getting lost in the taste of each other.

The door to the living room smashed open and Gansey came stumbling in, his arms full of Amazon packages that were undoubtedly filled with ‘rare’ books he had decided would help them on their quest to finding Glendower.

“Ronan, call Adam, I found something about the leylines-“ Gansey finally looked at the pair that had sprung apart at the sound of the door, cheeks flushed and fidgeting as they stood a little too far apart to make sense. “Oh, hi Adam.”

“Hi, Gansey.” Adam gave an awkward short wave in his direction. “I should go.”

“But the leyline-“

“Can be saved for another time,” Adam said, already having gathered his backpack, he walked ‘calmly’ to the door and practically ran once the door fell closed behind him, leaving a confused Gansey and a slightly hurt Ronan behind.

4.

If Noah could die again, it would be at Adam’s hands.

Since Adam and Ronan had confessed their feelings they were seeking out opportunities to finally do something about it. But there were always other things to do; exams, Glendower, meetings at Nino’s that were non-negotiable.

Today, though, there was a morning assembly and a small window of time for them to finally be alone together. They had stayed on the outer edges of the auditorium, waited ten minutes, then snuck away, claiming Ronan had a headache to a worried Gansey. They narrowly avoided Gansey trying to tag along and ran into an alcove.

Ronan’s back was against the wall, his lips pulled into a sharp grin. Adam was stalking forward, getting closer to Ronan until their torsos were touching.

Their faces inched forwards, their eyes closing, Adam had one hand on Ronan’s jaw to guide him to his lips. Their lips touched for a split second before a figure suddenly appeared next to them, singing loudly.

“Adam and Ronan were sitting in a tree-“

Ronan took Adam’s backpack from where it had fallen on the floor and threw it at Noah’s face.

Unfortunately, it went right through him.

“That’s not nice,” Noah pouted, turning around to stare dejectedly at the backpack.

“Oh, that’s not nice?” Ronan said, baring his teeth menacingly. “That’s not nice?!”

Adam stepped back with practised ease as Ronan ran after Noah who flickered in the bright light of the superficial lighting of the school and let out a joyous laugh that sounded more like an echo of what had once been.

After a few seconds, he could hear a loud scream and something heavy tumbling down the stairs. Adam waited patiently until Ronan returned with a self-satisfied smile.

“I threw him down the stairs,” Ronan said proudly.

Adam laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. “I figured.”

“Now, where were we?” Ronan asked, looping his fingers around Adam’s belt loops and pulled him closer. The bell rang before Adam could answer and Ronan let out a groan.

“I know,” Adam said, patting Ronan on the shoulder.

Adam was unable to focus the remaining hours of the day, constantly thinking of how close they had been, how Ronan’s eyes had fluttered closed, how Adam had felt a pull in his stomach he never felt before.

5.

Adam was putting his books back into his locker, Ronan leaning against the ones next to him, suddenly asking him if he wanted to come to The Barns after school.

“I thought we were supposed to meet with Gansey?”

Ronan grinned. “I still have a headache, remember?”

Adam shrugged, “Sure.”

He tried to play it cool, not letting his excitement at the prospect of having Ronan alone again show. Ronan nodded back and that was that.

Before he knew it they were in Ronan’s BMW, close to one of the places Adam felt most calm. There was something peaceful about The Barns, with its dream creatures roaming around the almost unnaturally bright green grass.

It became quite clear Ronan didn’t have anything planned for their afternoon at the Barns, looking lost in his own home.

“You hungry?” Ronan eventually asked, but the tension was already palpable, Adam could feel it linger on his skin.

“I could eat,” he answered, following Ronan to the kitchen that was designed like it came right out of a feel-good movie.

Ronan took out some supplies while Adam lingered in the door-opening.

“Are you gonna help me or what?” Ronan asked over his shoulder.

Adam made his way to the countertop, taking in the many, many ingredients Ronan had accumulated. “We’re not feeding a small army, Lynch.”

“It’s for pancakes, dipshit.”

And then they got to work.

This entire mess started by Ronan being an idiot and flicking some flour in Adam’s hair, laughing hard as he did. Adam stood frozen for exactly one second before he grabbed the bag of flour, stuck his hand inside of it, and threw the handful of white powder right in Ronan’s face.

His shell-shocked facial expression was enough for Adam to double over in laughter.

“It’s on, Parrish,” Ronan said menacingly, moving forwards slowly, eggs in hand.

Adam stepped back, trapped against the counter. “Don’t you dare.”

Ronan rose one scarred eyebrow and threw the eggs with a surprising accuracy but Adam ducked just in time, grabbing the milk as he went down. He managed to get up before Ronan had the time to grab something else and threw it over his Aglionby uniform, making the white shirt cling to his skin.

Adam was too distracted by the sight to realise Ronan had taken the flour bag back. It was dumped on his head within seconds and Adam spluttered indignantly. He wiped the powder out of his eyes and charged at Ronan who ran away laughing.

They grabbed everything they could, taking every chance to touch each other. Until they came to a standstill, Adam pressed against the counter and Ronan pressed against him.

Ronan was close enough that Adam had to tilt his face a little to make up for the slight height difference. There was mirth in Ronan’s eyes and Adam suddenly forgot that there was a battle going on in the first place.

Ronan’s hand went to his waist tentatively, touching him like he was afraid Adam would run away. Instead, Adam lifted himself on the counter, urging Ronan to come closer. Ronan stepped between his legs, his hands placed on the counter besides Adam’s thighs. Adam wound his arms around Ronan’s neck and pulled him closer.

Their lips were so close to touching, Adam could feel his tingle. His stomach knotted with anticipation.

He closed his eyes.

“Hey, whatsup everybody, Matthew here! I just wanted to pop in and quickly show you my brother, Ronan. He’s finally getting some after months of pining! Leave a like if you’re proud of him.”

“MATTHEW.”

“Whoops, sorry guys, he’s not too happy about it. And now he’s chasing me-“

“I’m going to fucking-“

“Subscribe to me in case I make it out alive and hit that bell button to know exactly when I’ve uploaded something! Let’s help me get to 2 million before my birthday-“

“YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE-“

“Bye guys, see you in the next one!”

+1

Adam was thrumming with restless energy.

It had been days since the Barns and Adam was feeling rather hopeless. For a second he thought fate was trying to tell him something by constantly ripping him and Ronan apart.

Then he realised fate was bullshit. Fate wasn’t real.

Maybe it was to show the reality of relationships, of something that would eventually bloom to love. Maybe it was to make them realise that maintaining a relationship was going to be hard and take effort and time but that it meant more than relationships steered by fate, by the inevitability it would work out, by the opportunities that were given not taken.

Or maybe their friends were just a bunch of dickheads.

When Cabeswater whispered in his ear again, he practically yanked Ronan outside after class and told him to drive him there, leaving Gansey to stare after them with a shake of his head but a knowing smile on his face. Of course, Noah had told him and this allowed him to take the day off Glendower searching and focus solely on Blue.

For once Adam let Ronan play his godawful music, the hard bass matching the frantic beating of his heart.

Ronan turned his head a few times trying to catch Adam’s eyes but Adam couldn’t look at him, not when he was seconds away from just lunging at him and finally getting the kiss he had waited for.

They walked into Cabeswater, Adam feeling where the irregularities were and together they fixed Cabeswater up until the forest was thrumming happily again.

“So that’s it,” Ronan said, wiping his dirty hands on his uniform.

“Yeah…” Adam said softly, not taking his eyes off Ronan. His unnaturally blue eyes, the rumpled state of his clothes, the leather bracelets he was chewing on again.

“Fuck it.”

Adam had two hands fisted in Ronan’s shirt, pushing his against a nearby tree, careful enough to not hurt Ronan but hard enough to make Ronan let out a sound at the impact.

They stared at each other quietly. Seconds ticked by, the air growing tenser, Adam’s hands still holding fistfuls of Ronan’s shirt.

Finally, Ronan’s eyelashes fluttered.

“Kiss me,” he whispered hoarsely. Then he licked his lips, Adam’s eyes following the movement. “Please.”

Adam surged forward, not taking a chance at getting interrupted again. Their lips met frantically. They had both been on edge for too long.

Ronan’s arms were wrapped around Adam’s waist, pulling him closer until Adam was melting into him. Almost every inch of their bodies were touching. Adam felt like he was burning up but then Ronan bit his bottom lip playfully and he found himself not caring.

They slowed down eventually, sharing soft kisses and gentle touches, smiling into the kiss.

Fucking finally.

[deadlyanddelicate]

What do you think of Blue? I actually dislike her but thats cool if you dont!

i actually quite like blue!!

but i should qualify that it’s not uncritical and unconditional: yes, i like blue as a character, while having problems with her character arc; and i like blue as a “person”, but i have issues with some of the iffy stuff she does.

i just feel like the key word for blue, ironically, is “potential”. the blue we meet in trb had a lot of promise... that isn’t necessarily followed through on in the other books.

some of the problems i have with blue’s character arc: 

first of all... what character arc?

no, seriously. we are told from the start that she wants something different, something special, something more. but... does she get it?

blue is set up to be the “protagonist” of trb, but she gets quickly sidelined in favour of characters with more active storylines (ronan and adam both have plot-heavy story arcs, but even gansey arguably gets more development than her, even if it’s just dying and being reborn)

which is... bitterly ironic for a character whose main magical power is to support others’ powers (there’s nothing wrong with supporting others, but there’s something very annoying when the only female character in the group is stuck with a magical version of ~emotional support~ for the male characters around her)

i had high hopes for her -- and i mean, buzzing-with-excitement high hopes -- when gwenllian introduced the whole “mirrors are witches” plot thread... which went absolutely nowhere (but i know that stiefvater was struggling with serious health issues while writing the raven king, so... i’m gonna give it a pass).

we find out that she is literally half-tree... and nothing else gets done with that. like, that’s why she loves trees... i guess...?

even her more “ordinary” dreams, like going to college and studying conservation/ecology, are kind of nixed by the end? she basically gets told by the narrative, “yeah but you have two rich boyfriends now, you can just travel with them”. and while i’m all for blue spending the shit out of gansey’s republican money, that’s not quite satisfying from a narrative point of view.

in short, blue has a ton of untapped potential -- she is truly the page of cups -- and in another world, we get a book where she’s free to explore her tir e e’lintes heritage, to discover her actual powers as a witch, and to follow her dreams. in this world, that’s not the book we got, and at this point i’m kind of beyond caring, because both ronan and adam have been given far more compelling story arcs that i am actually invested in.

now, as for blue as a “person”, or rather as a character, irrespective of story arc... blue is far from perfect. that’s actually not a problem for me - she’s not always a great person, which makes her a great character. blue is brave, generous, kind, accepting, resourceful, smart, curious; but blue is also hypocritical, dishonest, impulsive, and opportunistic. 

the negatives don’t erase the positives: humans are flawed, and a flawed character is realistic. but i feel like the problem with this fandom is that often it does the opposite -- it erases the negatives to only focus on blue’s positives, which essentially turns her into a manic pixie dream girl, and even more of an accessory to the boys’ development. 

see, i don’t want blue’s negative traits to magically disappear; it would be nice if she could grow and improve on some of them, but since personal growth is a gruelling, time-consuming process, i would have settled for her reaching self-awareness of her mistakes and taking accountability for them... which unfortunately the narrative never gives us (again, lots of stuff happening in the raven king, written and re-written in difficult circumstances -- i have accepted it; it’s just still kind of disappointing, is all).

some of the problems i have with blue’s character:

blue’s feminism is performative at best and damaging at worst, as i have discussed at length in this post. please note: this is not uncommon or unrealistic for a teenage girl. but i wish she had been given a chance to work on it, by bonding with one - one - female character she’s not related to. hell, even orla would be a start.

blue has a lot of internalised classism -- which, again, is realistic; adam has a lot too. the difference is he gets to acknowledge and analyse it, even though he clearly hasn’t overcome it yet. we see blue have a lot of resentment for rich people while at the same time subconsciously looking down on the “wrong kind” of poverty (adam’s) and she never reflects on that bias. we have so many discussions in adam’s pov of how he both envies and resents rich boys, yet in the end he comes to realise that even though he thought he wanted to be one of them, in reality he doesn’t want the kind of superficial, oppressive, entitled life they live.

meanwhile, the only “enlightenment” blue reaches in the final book is  that oh hey, she actually kind of likes rich people (the same begrudging awareness adam had pre-series and then outgrew) and in fact she’s fine with hanging out with them. blue, babe, i hate to break it to you, but you have been hanging out with them for 4 books and loving it... how is this a revelation?!

and last but not least, the hot topic: blue’s treatment of adam. blue refused over and over to be honest with him about the curse; actively cheated on him -- both emotionally, with gansey, and literally, with noah -- yet refused to break up with him; and when he finally confronted her, reacted not with honesty but by getting angry and trying to turn the issue around on him and how much he liked gansey (see above: hypocrisy)

now, again: this is not unrealistic or ooc. it’s bad behaviour, but it doesn’t make blue a bad character, nor overall a bad person. it’s something that could have happened and she could have moved on from... the issue, again, is that she never reflects on this. her immediate reaction is to start seeing gansey behind adam’s back, and neither of them tell adam the truth until they are basically forced to

essentially, blue runs into the same issue that gansey does: they’re good, but flawed, people, who are very bad at self-reflection, and so never quite understand why they’re hurting the people around them. i can buy that. i can love a character in spite of it. my issue is that the narrative lets them get away with it. and perhaps that’s just due to time-constraints and the fact that there is more of a focus on adam and ronan’s growth -- but it leaves gansey and blue as characters who never fulfill their potential. and while that doesn’t mean i dislike them, it means that unfortunately i just don’t care as much.

[luckyricochet]

I want you to answer A-Z on the fandom asks so I can peer into your psyche 👀

Wow I love you. This actually took around three hours since I wanted to think about the answers. See them under the cut!

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

From Hanyou no Yashahime — Sesshomaru and Rin

From The Mandalorian — The Mandomera’s been creeping up a little bit. 

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

Honestly can’t think of one. I’m very set in my ships. 

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

From Naruto — SasuSaku. Sasuke was cute as a kid so I get Sakura having a crush on him then, but I think she would have gotten over it when he became a homicidal clown who abandoned the village and tried to kill her and her teammates multiple times.

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

From Harry Potter — Ron x Hermione. I’ve always thought their personalities didn’t match and not in the good “opposites attract” kind of way.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

I only know how to write angst, drama, and introspective musings so no. 

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

Over fifteen years in the Harry Potter fandom, but I’ve had to separate that from JKR herself in the recent years. 

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

“Have I ever had an OTP”? *laughs from shipping hell* 

From The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare — Nat and Kit were my first OTP. Read this book in fifth grade and was immediately loved them. Boy literally risks banishment from the colony to help prove she’s not a witch. 

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

I love visual media, so TV, anime, and film

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

I’m not going to let tumblr dot com put me off of a particular show/book/etc. itself, but it has definitely made me think less of certain types of fans who are in a fandom. 

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

The...period drama fandom? More widely, the history fandom. They both create some of the most beautiful edits celebrating history and I love it. 

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

 From Avatar: The Last Airbender — It’s gotta be Prince Zuko

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

From Harry Potter — I think Ginny is a Mary Sue but I loved when she stood up for herself in Half-Blood Prince when Ron was trying to slut-shame her. 

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

From Parks and Recreation — Leslie Knope. Unending positive affirmations, thoughtfulness, and support!

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

I don’t really have a main fandom but I haven’t mentioned Free! yet so let’s go with it for this one. 

1. Less Nitori because I can’t stand him.

2. More female characters! I get half the appeal is the boys, but I’d love to see a girls swim team in some capacity. 

3. More Haru and his family dynamics! Doesn’t have to be a ton, but I want to know what his relationship with his parents like, especially as an adult.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

Salt and the Sea - The Lumineers. “From the destruction, out of the flame. You need a villain, give me a name.” Such an Odesta song. (Finnick x Annie from the Hunger Games)

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

For The Mandalorian — A historical AU set in early 1900s New York City where Mando’s just some government agent sent to “report” on slum conditions to satisfy some housing law. He goes meaning to write up a generic report but then finds the orphaned Baby Yoda abandoned in one of the tenements. Shocked by the conditions of the slums, Mando goes from being an apathetic, middling-level bureaucrat to being an anonymous investigative journalist reporting on the corruption in the government that allows for the city’s most vulnerable citizens to live in squalor, leading the government on a search to find who within their ranks is exposing them. 

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

Sherlock, because it just took so long for the third series to come out. I had moved on to other fandoms by the time it did. Still have fond memories of when I was active in it, though. 

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

From Lord of the Rings — Aragorn and Legolas. This is played up a lot more in the films but I love it. 

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

For Lord of the Rings — Boromir definitely taught Faramir swordplay when they were little kids since their father didn’t want to. 

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

From Hanyou no Yashahime — Rin made the first move. Sesshomaru would be way too clueless to even know how to go about it. 

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

From Pirates of the Caribbean — James Norrington: Commodore in the Royal Navy during the 18th century, must I explain any further? Cool, calm, and collected on the job while looking v good while he does it but a nervous wreck in front of the woman he fancies. Tell me that’s not straight out of Austen.

From Star Wars (OT) — Luke Skywalker: An unapologetically good person in a crapsack world, doing his best to bring light into the world. A classic hero archetype who grows out of his naïveté to become a cunning—but still benevolent—Jedi. 

From Prince of Tennis — Yukimura Seiichi: His duality is *chef’s kiss*. Super scary and in charge on the court, gentle sweet boy who loves art and culture off the court. He struggled for so long but was able to overcome it all through his hard work and willpower.

Bonus favorite, because I couldn’t resist...

From Band of Brothers — Doc Roe: He’s doing the MOST for his guys but he really just needs a hug. Plus he’s got the accent.

V - Which character do you relate to most?

From Little Women — Jo March, especially as portrayed by Saoirse Ronan in the 2019 adaptation. Writer, holds grudges, opinionated, stubborn, eschewed “girliness” in her youth but is more open to it and romanticism as an adult. 

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

I’ve gotten to the point where even the hint of a love triangle tests my patience.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

It’s about the yearning: Longing Look

Also will definitely always ship the Brooding Boy and the Gentle Girl

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Anything in the MCU or general superhero content.

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

I love fandom so much. I’m sort of facetious about being obsessed with people who aren’t real on my other social media accounts, but in all seriousness, being able to escape the real world to get excited over characters and relationships that face their own struggles, triumphs, and emotions is such a gift. So often they speak so powerfully on the human experience—How can you read, or watch, any of Tolkien’s work and not be moved by what he has to say about humanity and the power of good? Even if the stories are fictional, the messages they impart about life aren’t, which is what I love so much about them.

[tiriansjewel]

Rating All The Main Little Women Adaptations

Little Women (1933)-

This is probably my least favorite adaptation, not because it’s strictly bad, but mostly because it’s so old. You can definitely tell that this was made for an audience in the 1930s. Katharine Hepburn plays a very stereotypical, tomboyish Jo, and her performance is good, but in general I’ve only seen this movie one time and don’t have any desire to repeat the experience. However, if you like old films, if you like Katharine Hepburn, or if this movie is simply nostalgic for you, I can see how this would be something you might pop on every now and again. 5.5/10

Little Women (1949)-

So... I have a lot of mixed feelings on this adaptation. This is the adaptation of Little Women that I grew up watching, so I’ve seen it many times, and it has a huge nostalgia factor for me. I really love June Allyson’s Jo. Again, you can tell that this movie was made for an audience in the 1940s, but I connected a lot more with Jo’s character development in this as opposed to 1933. Peter Lawford was okay as Laurie, but I can’t get over the fact that he looks 35 and he’s supposed to be 16. Jo and Laurie do have lovely chemistry in this movie however, and I love the scene when they meet. I quite enjoy Janet Leigh’s Meg, although her character is rather poorly developed. Elizabeth Taylor’s Amy... is... not my favorite. I don’t hate it, but she always felt very artificial to me. Lastly, the decision to make Beth drastically younger than the other sisters was not good in my opinion. She just felt like a little fragile baby bird the whole movie, like they were setting her up to die, rather than being one of the sisters. All in all though, this movie is good if you want to watch a nice feel-good film. It has nostalgia factor for me and it’s definitely a fun movie if you can look past the humanity of the story and get lost in the music and joy. 6/10

Little Women (1994)-

Where to even begin... There are so many things I love about this movie, and so many things I dislike. Firstly: likes. I love Winona Ryder’s Jo. It’s the first time we’ve seen an on-screen Jo portrayed as a human and not just as a tomboy. She is clearly the hot-headed, independent intellectual that we all know, and yet she does have a kindness about her. Claire Danes is easily my favorite Beth in any adaptation. The emotion she shows when given the piano, when she is handed the sick baby at the Hummels, and when she is dying and Jo is at her side... completely unmatched. Her delivery of the line “I shall be homesick for you, even in heaven” always makes me sob. I also love Susan Sarandon’s Marmee, although at times it feels like her character is trying to be a bit of a political statement. Christian Bale as Laurie was also a good decision for the most part. I like that they made Amy an actual child in this film, so that her spoiled brat actions actually make sense, plus Kirsten Dunst is fabulous. I don’t have much positive or negative to say about Meg. I also like the subtle details about the time period, like the insinuation that the March’s were transcendentalists, because it shows that we’re really in the 1860s. All in all, the setting, aesthetic, and soundtrack to the film are very good, and it’s nice to finally see an adaptation that is filmed outside of a set. Now, dislikes. All of the relationships in this film and their portrayals, except for Jo and Prof Bhaer, are... not great. Firstly, Laurie’s proposal to Jo is so weird and creepy and not at all what I imagined reading the book. Sure, the first two proposal scenes from 1933 and 1949 were very overdramatized and obviously acted, but the first thing Laurie does to reveal his feelings to Jo in this film is to kiss her, after she repeatedly says no. Then after this, we get an extremely out-of-breath Christian Bale (rather poorly) delivering lines to an exasperated Jo. The way they film this entire movie also paints Jo to be in love with Laurie, and so when Jo refuses, it feels like she’s just making excuses. I do not like it. The other creepy thing is (again) an obviously adult Laurie bringing an obviously child Amy to Aunt March when Beth is sick. During this carraige ride, Amy remarks that she doesn’t want to die without having been kissed, and Laurie promises her that he will kiss her before she dies. I know this is meant to be “cute” and if Laurie had looked 17 and Amy had looked 14 I probably would have agreed, but Christian Bale looks 25 and Kirsten Dunst looks 12. That entire scene was weirdly sexual and made me very uncomfortable. In addition, John Brooke and Meg full on making out in the front lawn during the family Christmas dinner. I just... did not find any of this charming and wish that these scenes hadn’t been sexualized like they were. Am I crazy for thinking they are? Anyways, besides this, I enjoy this film, it’s a good movie to watch over Christmas or in the spring when it’s raining. I love Winona Ryder with all my heart and soul and this movie will always have a special place in my heart. 7.5/10

Little Women (2019)-

Finally, we arrive at the newest, and in my opinion, best adaptation. Firstly, the cast for this film is amazing, with Saoirse Ronan as Jo, Emma Watson as Meg, Florence Pugh as Amy, Eliza Scanlen as Beth, Timothee Chalamet as Laurie, and Laura Dern as Marmee. This was made with a non-linear narrative, meaning the story isn’t told in order but instead in corresponding scenes that are years apart. At first, the format confused me, as I did not expect it, but on a second viewing, I appreciated how genius and subtle the parallels from scene to scene are, and how they really enhance the movie as a whole. This movie also brings in the most scenes from the book, showing Meg in her marriage to John Brooke, Amy’s buildup to her marriage to Laurie in Europe, and Mr. Laurence and Beth’s fatherly friendship. I feel that, in general, the way the characters were written was very accurate to the book, even if some scenes and plots were slightly changed for time and continuity. Again, Jo has the duality of hot-headed, wild, independence and kind-heartedness seen in the 1994 movie, but I really appreciate the way Jo was written in this movie. I never feel like she sees Laurie as anything more than a brother, and I feel like her transition from an idealistic teenager to an adult dealing with the loss of her sister is way more human and natural. Her relationship with Marmee is much better developed in this movie, which leads to scenes of Jo confiding in her mother, and these felt very realistic and reminded me of my relationship with my mom. Emma Watson is my favorite Meg, and this is probably because Meg’s character is so much better developed. Her shame when telling John Brooke about the dress fabric is palpable, and her discontentedness with being poor is very obvious. In other films, Meg has been pragmatic and has borne her troubles easily, but here we find her struggling, and it makes her more human. I also love how she realizes that she is truly happy with her husband, not money, and I really love how they wrote Meg in general. Beth’s character arc was great, although not as good as Claire Danes’s Beth, in my opinion. I love how they build Mr. Laurence and Beth’s relationship, and I love how you can tell that Beth is just as strong-willed as her sisters, she is just more quiet about it. She has a strong conviction to do what is right, like going to the Hummels, and the scene of her and Jo by the sea was one of my favorites in the film (and in the book!).

Moving on to Amy. I am SO happy that we finally have an Amy that everyone loves. I had always felt frustrated because previous adaptations have focused so much on the earlier parts of the book that viewers only ever saw Amy as a childish little brat who burned Jo’s book, not as a girl who grows up to become an elegant, strong, and graceful woman. Although Florence Pugh is clearly a 24 year old woman, I did not feel a disconnect when she was trying to play a 12 year old Amy. She was so hilarious and endearing, especially as her little crush on Laurie is so obvious. And the typical sister fight between her and Jo is so accurate to real sibling fights (my favorite line being “Don’t look at me like that!” to Beth). You dislike her for burning Jo’s book, but you also want to accept her apology. And her calm, yet firm attitude towards Laurie when they’re adults is beautifully done, especially as she’s so obviously in love with him. In short, Amy finally got what she deserved. Lastly, Laurie. Timothee Chalamet is my favorite Laurie, hands down. First, he looks the part, because he seems to be 19 instead of 35, and also, he acts like a typical teenage boy. When he confesses his love to Jo, you can tell that he truly cares for her and is experiencing his first heartbreak. It isn’t full of lust, rather it’s full of genuine emotion and raised voices and talking over one another, and this was truly needed after so many weirdly overdramatized proposals. You can also see that his love for Amy is real, and that she’s not just a replacement for Jo. Finally, he grows into a man, who has a wife and a child seen at the end of the film, something that I feel has not happened in previous films. In general, I felt like this adaptation did a PHENOMENAL job of portraying human relationships. The way the sisters talk over one another and tussle around the floor and hug one another and are just in relationship with one another is so natural and realistic. Marmee’s relationships with her kids. The romantic relationships are healthy and loving and yes, have chemistry, but aren’t sexualized or over the top. This movie is a new classic, and I plan to watch it many more times. I highly recommend this if you haven’t seen it yet. 9/10

So anyway, if you read this far, wow. I hope you enjoyed my opinions and found them useful. Have a good day.

[toast-the-unknowing]

Where do you fall on the fandom divide about gansey warning Adam not to break Ronan being cute and protective or insensitive and confusing. I think I’m the latter, but maybe bc the reader gets insight into Adams thoughts so we know he thinks he’s a monster and capable of hurting people. Idk! Just seems not chill to warn your bff/victim of life long abuse like that, it always makes me feel sick, knowing it’s a confirmation for Adam of everything he thinks he is. Anyway!what do you think?

I’m hesitant to answer this question, because I prefer to steer clear of anything that could be classified as a “fandom divide,” and because (as often happens with these kinds of divides, actually) I find that I end up disagreeing with or disliking the rhetoric of many of the people that are on “my side.”

I don’t think Gansey warning Adam not to hurt Ronan is cute. I don’t think those kinds of conversations are ever particularly cute in fiction and they definitely aren’t in real life. I think it’s pretty indisputable that he was trying to be protective. He is a seventeen-year-old boy who watched his best friend fall to pieces and attempt to commit suicide. Of course he wants to protect Ronan! He does all kinds of shit, everywhere, throughout the entire series, to protect Ronan. A lot of it is misguided or ineffective, because yeah, he’s seventeen years old. He’s seventeen, and he has had his feelings hurt by Adam on numerous occasions, sometimes without Adam even seeming to notice that it happened. He worries. He’s a worrier.

I hear you on warning an abuse victim about hurting someone being a really damaging thing to do. I think you’re absolutely right, and I encourage you to interact with this facet of canon in whatever way helps you manage your feelings about it (skip that part when you re-read, if you want to! write retcon fanfic where it doesn’t happen! whatever helps). I think, ten thousand and fifty percent, that that was not Gansey’s intention and that thought was nowhere within a hundred miles of occurring to him. Does that mean it doesn’t count? No. Does that mean that it isn’t capable of hurting Adam, since he didn’t mean it? No.

People thoughtlessly, carelessly hurt each other all the time. Gansey says some really shitty stuff to Adam over the course of the series. Adam says some shitty stuff to Gansey. Blue says some shitty stuff to Adam. Ronan says some shitty stuff to Blue. They’re people, and they hurt each other because people hurt each other. They’re fictional characters, and they have conflict because it’s a story. I’m not particularly interested in performing the calculus of “who is the most shitty to whom in what ways” for these characters. I don’t track that stuff in my actual life with my actual friends, why would I track it for fictional characters? Absolutely, I get rid of people that are consistently mean, or don’t take responsibility for their fuck ups. Absolutely, fictional characters who are consistently cruel or thoughtless or rude, I judge and minimize interaction with (or, you know, I enjoy them precisely because of those qualities. I love the Greenmantles and John Murphy and I am proud of it).

But Gansey is not that character, and Gansey & Adam’s relationship is not that relationship. Yet I have seen these kinds of conversation, and THIS exact conversation, specifically, about this exact moment, devolve rapidly into Gansey is a disgusting irredeemable person and I hate him and I am just. Not here for that.

Gansey said a shitty thing without thinking it through and hurt someone. I don’t condone that. I still like him as a character.

[a-dandelion-dreamer]

Word Wanderings Post #1 – The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater

This is the beginning of a reread. I’ve loved this author for years and The Raven Cycle is a particular favourite of mine. Please note that if you haven’t read this book, this post will definitely contain spoilers!

The Raven Boys is the first book in a quartet and juggles a multitude of characters, including our four main characters (Gansey, Ronan, Adam and Blue) and our plus one (Noah). While it does have some external conflict, it is mainly driven by the characters and their relationships with one another. This book is complex and dense with detail, with a structure that is a little unusual. Most books or series have a driving hook that catches readers right at the beginning and is the selling tagline. For example, in the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan, it’s Percy finding out he’s secretly a demigod, which directly turns into monsters attacking him and his mom disappearing. In the Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, it’s the existence of a game that forces children to fight to the death and then subsequently Katniss volunteering to take her sister’s place at the Reaping. In Six of Crows, it’s a crew of six misfits embarking upon an impossible heist.

Ostensibly, the hook of this book is that Blue is destined to kill her true love with a kiss. That’s what it says on the back of the book, and it’s certainly an overarching threat present for the rest of the series. Tied in as well is Gansey’s search for Glendower, a sleeping king Gansey believes is buried somewhere on a ley line. This is another whole-series thread. The real heart of the story, however, is the boys and Blue and their friendship and their interactions with the other messy pieces of their lives and their search to find meaning and happiness. This type of storytelling is not for everyone, especially those who might enjoy more action-driven tales, but it’s the kind of storytelling I love.

(And in writing and other personal creative projects, I think it’s important to let what you love drive you forwards).

Here are three points I took away from reading this book:

 Point #1: Keeping readers interested by embedding small mysteries

The trick is to make your readers want to know what happens next. This is something I have trouble with and therefore I’m particularly interested in seeing how other books handle it.

Each chapter in this book is written from a different character’s perspective. I’ll include the first and last lines (which I think are brilliantly done) in the form: (first line/last line). Following that, I’ll describe some mysteries that the chapter raises.

Prologue: Blue (“Blue Sargent had forgotten how many times she’d been told that she would kill her true love.”/”’You’re Maura’s daughter,’ Neeve said, and before Blue could answer, she added, “this is the year you’ll fall in love.’”) – pg. 1-4

We’re introduced to the idea that Blue will kill her true love if she kisses him

Which immediately raises the question: who is he? And how does she get from being determined not to fall in love to killing someone with a kiss?

We learn about Blue’s psychic family, which I think is super interesting

Blue’s half-aunt Neeve comes to town and really hits us with that: “This is the year you’ll fall in love.” Pay attention, that line says.

Chapter 1: Blue (“It was freezing in the churchyard, even before the dead arrived.”/“’There are only two reasons a non-seer would see a spirit on St. Mark’s Eve, Blue. Either you’re his true love,’ Neeve said, ‘or you killed him.’”) – pg.  5-16

Blue and Neeve watch for the future dead

Blue, the only non-psychic in her family, sees a spirit for the first time

The guy she’s destined to kill or fall in love with (or both)

His name is Gansey, and now we’re wondering who he is

Chapter 2: Gansey (“’It’s me,’ said Gansey.”/”’That seems obvious,’ he answered. ‘We find out who you were talking to.’”) – pg. 17-28

Brilliant cut to Gansey

This guy is very real and because of the previous scene, we want to know who he is

We learn about his quest, which adds another layer of mystery

Gansey also heard Blue, on his recorder, so now he’s wondering about her

We ask ourselves: how will these two meet?

Also, introduces Gansey’s friends Adam and Ronan

Ronan has a tumultuous relationship with his brother Declan

THEY HAVE A NUMBER FOR A PSYCHIC (guess who belongs to a psychic family)

Chapter 3: Blue (“Mornings at 300 Fox Way were fearful, jumbled things.”/”’Blue,’ Maura said finally. ‘I don’t have to tell you not to kiss anyone, right?’”) – pgs. 29-37

Introduces Blue’s house

Introduces Blue’s relationship with her mother Maura

Neeve scries and learns that something is strange about Henrietta

Again, we wonder how Blue and Gansey will meet. And also, is it possible to save Gansey from his fate?

Chapter 4: Adam (“Adam Parrish had been Gansey’s friend for eighteen months, and he knew that certain things came along with that friendship.”/”’Excelsior’, said Gansey, and shut the door behind them.”) – pg. 38-51

Introduces Monmouth Manufacturing

Delves further into Gansey’s quest (will Gansey find what he’s looking for?)

Adam is suspicious that someone is spying on their search

Develops tension between Ronan and Declan

Chapter 5: Whelk (“Barrington Whelk was feeling less than sprightly as he slouched down the hall of Whitman House, the Aglionby admin building.”/”It was possible that Czerny’s death wasn’t for nothing after all.”) – pg. 52-56

Adam was suspicious in the previous chapter and now here’s Whelk, being suspicious

What is this guy’s deal?

Whelk hears Gansey is researching ley lines and suddenly gets very interested

Who is Czerny and how did he die?

Chapter 6: Blue (“Blue wouldn’t really describe herself as a waitress.”/”Neeve had to be wrong. She’d never fall in love with one of them.”) – pg. 57-64

Blue goes to work at Nino’s, the same place Gansey and his crew are going

Blue’s mother calls: Gansey has scheduled a reading

THEY MEET! This is great. They meet and they both dislike each other. They immediately conflict and neither realizes the other is the person they’re looking for.

The dramatic irony is fantastic

Adam is interested in Blue and Blue is a little bit interested in him

How does Blue end up liking Gansey, who she currently hates?

Truly, a mystery

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE TWO MEET AGAIN AT THE PSYCHIC READING???

I could do this for the whole book, but you get the picture. There’s always something the reader is left wondering, even if it’s something small, or a future interaction they’re looking forwards to.

A note: this is particularly effective when it’s tied to personal agency. You want to see what your characters will do, and this means more if you have dynamic characters who make choices.

 Point #2: Atmosphere and memorable locations

Another big strength of this book is the personality that it imbues its settings with. Take three examples: 300 Fox Way, Monmouth Manufacturing and Cabeswater.

 300 Fox Way – the chaotic, full-to-the-brim house where Blue lives with her mom and her aunt and her mom’s two best friends Persephone and Calla and a multitude of other psychic women, all showcased through background details. I love this house and its aesthetic.

              Quote: “Mornings at 300 Fox Way were fearful, jumbled things. Elbows in sides and lines for the bathroom and people snapping over tea bags placed into cups that already had tea bags in them. There was school for Blue and work for some of the more productive (or less intuitive) aunts. Toast got burned, cereal went soggy the refrigerator door hung open and expectant for minutes at a time. Keys jingled as car pools were hastily decided.” – pg 29

 Monmouth Manufacturing – the abandoned factory that Gansey, Ronan and Noah have made their home. They live on the upper floor and the description of the space really doubles as a character portrait for Gansey. Use settings to reveal and further describe your characters!

              Quote: “The high ceiling soared above them, exposed iron beams holding up the roof. Gansey’s invented apartment was a dreamer’s laboratory. The entire second floor, thousands of square feet, spread out before them. Two of the walls were made up of old windows—dozens of tiny, warped panes, except for a few clear ones Gansey had replaced—and the other two walls were covered with maps: the mountains of Virginia, of Wales, of Europe. Marker lines arced across each of them. Across the floor, a telescope peered at the Western sky; at its feet lay piles of arcane electronics meant to measure magnetic activity.

              And everywhere, everywhere, there were books. Not the tidy stacks of an intellectual attempting to impress, but the slumping piles of a scholar obsessed. Some of the books weren’t in English. Some of the books were dictionaries for the languages that some of the other books were in. Some of the books were actually Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Editions.” – pg 41

 Cabeswater — a magical, sentient forest. I love this forest so much. I love the overall portrayal of magic in this series and this forest is my favourite example of that. The trees speak Latin, time is fluid and sometimes the very air manifests your thoughts, so keep a watch on them.

              Quote: “The stream trickled sluggishly out of the woods from between two diamond-barked dogwoods. With Gansey in the lead, they all followed the water into the trees. Immediately, the temperature dropped several degrees. Blue hadn’t realized how much insect noise there was in the field until it was replaced by occasional birdsong under the trees. This was a beautiful, old wood, all massive oak and ash trees finding footing among great slabs of cracked stone. Ferns sprang from rocks and verdant moss grew up the sides of the tree trunks. The air itself was scented with green and growing and water. The light was golden through the leaves. Everything was alive, alive.” – pg 219

 What can I take away from this? Using small, specific details to make a setting unique and memorable can add atmosphere to your novel, showcase characters and make a reader fall in love with a particular place.

 Point #3: Evolving arcs

This story contains a lot of interwoven plot threads. This can be hard to balance (I know from personal experience) but I think this novel pulls it off. It’s very, very good at doing many things at once. The important thing to think about is a beginning, middle and end for different story arcs that you introduce. Here’s one example (of many) from this book.

 Example 1: Noah

Oh Noah. Noah is a brilliant example of an arc in this book and also one of my favourite demonstrations of the fact that sometimes you can hide things right in the open.

First mention (pg. 26). Noah goes out for pizza with the crew, but there is no mention of him going to school or otherwise having a life. This theme will continue: while Gansey, Adam, Ronan and Blue have conflict and fleshed-out internal worlds, Noah is a static character. The first time I read this book, I was like Gansey. I didn’t notice how much Noah was missing until it was explicitly called out.

First line of dialogue: “I’ve been dead for seven years,” Noah said. “That’s as warm as they get.” (pg. 47) (IT’S RIGHT THERE, but yet I didn’t pick up on it. Clever, clever.)

Noah’s room is also described as ‘meticulous’. As in, practically unused.

“Noah, we won’t make you eat,” says Gansey. “Need some more alone time?” says Ronan. More little hints.

The character descriptions are honestly so good, worth a study all in themselves.

Noah doesn’t come to the psychic’s reading or the helicopter trip, which the other boys do

Somehow, he has a canny knack for knowing things and sharing secrets.

“Don’t throw it away.” (pg. 165) (to Gansey)

Gansey calls for Noah but he’s not there (pg. 233)

“Blue permitted Noah to pet the crazy tufts of her hair” (pg. 238). Not particularly arc related but SUPER CUTE.

The gang visits Cabeswater again and finds Noah’s old abandoned car, a red Mustang (not that they realize it yet). In the trunk is a dowsing rod, a sign someone else is looking for ley lines. Noah throws up (from the trauma of his murder).

Blue and Gansey visit the old church and find a body. “The face on the driver’s license was Noah’s.” (pg. 274)

THE BIG SCENE IN WHICH NOAH IS REVEALED AS A GHOST (what a brilliant scene)

“Adam,” he demanded, “what is Noah’s last name?”

“Tell me,” Gansey said, “which classes you share with Noah.”

“When does he eat? Have you ever seen him eat?”

“Does he pay rent? When did he move in? Have you ever questioned it?”

These are all questions Gansey asks his friends, but are also questions we must ask ourselves. We have been fooled in the same way as they have.

“I told you,” Noah said. “I told everyone.” (pg. 278)

“The question is: Who killed you?” (pg. 279)

Noah acts like a real ghost (disappears, reappears, knocks objects off desks)

“Maybe moving it off the ley line had stolen his energy.” (pg. 298) (in regards to Noah’s body)

Noah appears, using Blue’s energy. “I want you to know,” Noah said, “I was…more…when I was alive.” (pg. 305)

“You were the sacrifice, weren’t you Noah? Someone killed you for this.” (pg. 307). It turns out Noah, the friend they didn’t realize was dead, was killed in a ritual similar to the one that is attempted at the end of the novel by their Latin teacher, and is the reason Gansey is alive.

Remember: “Someone else on the ley line is dying when they should not, and so you will live when you should not.” (pg. 271).

It’s all very circular and interwoven and very good plotting.

Noah said, “But you already know.” (pg. 309)  (In regards to who killed him) JUMPCUTS to a scene with Whelk

“I’m going to fix Noah. Somehow.” (pg. 335) (says Gansey)

She allowed him to pet her hair with his icy fingers. “Not so spiky as usual,” he said sadly. (pg. 353)

“Don’t throw it away,” Noah whispered. (pg. 371) To Adam, this time.

Noah warns Gansey that Adam is gone (he is now 100% a spooky ghost boy)

THE MURDERED/REMEMBERED SCENE (breaks my heart). They’re all in Cabeswater again for the climax of the novel and Noah, who doesn’t exist in bodily form, traces words into the dust on his old car

Noah’s funeral: “Please say something to them.” / “Mrs. Czerny, he’s sorry for drinking your birthday schnapps.” (pg. 406-407) (ouch, my heart)

They dig up his bones and rebury them on the ley line

“Can we go home? This place is so creepy.” … ”Noah!” Gansey cried gladly. Blue hurled his arms around his neck. He looked alarmed, and then pleased, and then he pet the tufts of her hair. (pg 408)

 Broadly, the arc looks like this (look how actions lead to consequences which lead to further actions):

The boys have a friend named Noah, who is sometimes there and sometimes not

LOTS OF FORESHADOWING

They find Noah’s dead body

They confront Noah and find out he’s a ghost

The police move his bones so he starts acting like a real ghost

They figure out he was used in an attempted ritual and also that their Latin teacher killed him

The dig up his bones and rebury them on the ley line

Noah comes back

Given what happens later in this series, it’s very important to me that we remember Noah.

 In conclusion

What this book does well:

Keeping readers interested by embedding small mysteries

Atmosphere and memorable locations

Evolving arcs

These are just a few things I noticed on my read-through of The Raven Boys. Stay tuned for further Word Wanderings posts and feel free to give suggestions for books you’d like me to analyze!

Personal Challenge: Pick a book you’re currently reading or an old favorite and try to figure out what keeps you reading, whether it’s little mysteries, character dilemmas or rising tension.

[dreamlogic]

raven cycle characters in the kitchen...

gansey: total foodie. raised in a well-stocked kitchen. making food and eating it together is the gansey family's love language, so he's been cooking since he was old enough to point a spatula at a pan. he doesn't cook as much when he isn't visiting family, and misses their expansive spice cabinet more than he lets on. traveling as much as he has means he's not a picky eater and will consume just about anything put in front of him, but he has a well-cultured palate that he indulges wherever possible (if a little guiltily). monmouth's lack of a kitchen is the only thing he dislikes about it.

blue: hates cooking, but is decent at it. maura made sure her child grew up armed with the tools to feed herself, which blue avoids using at all costs. prefers leftovers and things that don't require using a stove or dirtying more than one dish. if she has to cook, she can't help but cook enough food to feed a small army (or a house full of psychics). force of habit, since meals growing up were such a group effort. can make an Excellent cup of tea, however.

adam: a resourceful and ravenous scavenger when it comes to food. wouldn't know what to do with himself in gansey's kitchen (too bougie, overwhelming) and he's terrible at following recipes, but all in all he's a pretty good cook. adam's been feeding himself since he was young, and has perfected the art of making tasty food with next to nothing. doesn't matter how sparse the kitchen is, if you let adam poke around for long enough he'll figure out how to turn the stale shit he scrapes out of the back of the pantry into a delicious and filling meal.

ronan: the KING of Depression Meals™. anyone who knows ronan's diet is amazed he's even alive. as the perfect dream mother, aurora did most of the domestic work growing up so he never had to bother. declan was always eager to help, matthew was always eager to get underfoot, and ronan was always eager to avoid lifting a finger. however, he did inherit a love of baking from his mother, and when he moved into monmouth (which lacks an oven), realized that he knows how to make three dozen different types of breads and pastries, and absolutely NOTHING else. survives off takeout and gansey's leftovers.

henry: cannot cook to save his life. lives off fast food and microwavable stuff. the only times he eats healthy, well-balanced meals are when auntie cooks for the whole house once a week, and when his mom's in town to take him to fancy restaurants. it's not that he doesn't want to learn, it's just never been a priority. has a very "i don't know the difference between searing and simmering, and at this point i'm too afraid to ask" relationship with cooking.