#i don't belong

[treedecor]

I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. How am I supposed to be happy in a place I so clearly don't belong

[justanotherstardrop]

I DON'T BELONG HERE

[sock-puppetlife]

Sometimes to cope, I tell myself I must be part faerie. I don't belong in this society and it's slowly killing me. I belong in the trees and the forests. Guided by the sunrise and sunset and dancing under the moon while feasting on the bounty of the forest.

That's the only way I can comfort myself when I'm feeling extreme otherness.

[mimigoey]

This series should be named Queerer things. This broke me. Good thing for him it's just his role and not happening in reality but for some viewers Will is reminding them that they won't be happy. His first real love shattered like that.. seriously, no one can take it. Same with Robin seeing Vicky being kissed by her boyfriend. Robins are more hopeless

The birds of the same feather..just flock together and share your sadness.

Idk why my thoughts aren't relevant anywhere and I don't belong anywhere

When something is fictional it's always celebrated... I'm aggressive yeah sorry.

[dicotomias]

ensaio sobre minhas angústias e ansiedades;

dia 12: desconectada

me sinto desconectada

como se tivesse sido ejetada da minha nave em direção ao espaço

com o cabo que me guiaria de volta partido em dois

exatamente como um cordão umbilical.

para todos os lados que olho

vejo conexões,

laços,

e é só isso que faço: assistir

pois nunca consigo constituí-los.

será que um dia serei a protagonista da minha própria vida?

ou nasci pra ser uma mera observadora?

me sinto desconectada

como uma peça feita por engano,

sobrando,

sem lugar a pertencer.

me sinto desconectada

como se fosse uma impostora dentro da minha própria pele,

como uma intrusa de mim mesma,

como se tivesse roubado o lugar de alguém,

alguém que aproveitaria essa vida melhor do que eu.

me sinto desconectada

ainda orbitando, pois não há mais nada a fazer.

me sinto desconectada,

esperando o momento em que finalmente o oxigênio irá se esgotar

desejando ter sido ejetada antes de adquirir a consciência que tanto me atormenta.

13/11/2023

[boartits]

i am a misfit i guess

[commandermeg]

I had a dream I worked on a Star Trek starship but for some reason John Denver was there.

Honestly? That sounds like something that would happen in Star Trek.

[paiges-poetry]

I don't belong.

I watch family living their lives in front of me, so oblivious to the thoughts inside my head, begging me to take myself away from them.

But it's not like I'm here anyways.

It's hard to be present when you don't want to exist.

I wonder if they're better off without me, how they'll react once I'm gone.

I justify my future action by telling myself "we all die anyways"

And my father tells me how I should hurry to go back to school and start moving towards a future I don't even want.

I could try and make something of myself to give them a sense of pride, a sense of connection because I'd relate to them more if I did something with my life and talked about more normal issues instead of having to call them when I get inevitably hospitalized again.

So much pressure to be someone I feel incapable of being.

Being something other than a useless waste of space.

It's starting to feel like that's what or who I am, because I don't know what else to be.

I'll probably continue to disappoint but not because I don't plan on pursuing my goals in life.

Because I can't keep staying for them.

They live their lives in front of me but I don't experience the pleasure they get from being alive because I'm not alive.

I'm just here, agonizingly here.

Until I won't be

And I want to apologize to them

But they decided to have me and we all know this is supposed to be my life now.

So why can't I decide to end it?

To not hurt them?

They never cared not to hurt me so I'm starting to care less.

I'm just glad I won't have to end up like them and won't have to live as long as them.

[montanabohemian]

if i see a single one of you pissed that your faves canceled an event or a con appearance because they're striking for fair wages then imma come for you in your sleep 🔪🔪🔪

(direct that fury where it belongs: AMPTP and the execs)

[eggdrawsthings]

a duet in a galaxy far, far away

[theforgottendrummajor]

Day 113 of Being a Drum Major

I honestly just need to get some stuff off my chest. I'm just gonna write for like 10 minutes and then ignore the rest.

I think it'd be easier if I was the only drum major in our band. Here's the thing. At rehearsal yesterday, I got to experience what it was like to be the only drum major, and it felt so much better than anything else had ever felt. I got to whistle off pregame, I got to do the entire drum major entrance by myself, I got to be the one in charge of everything. And the best part was that no one was criticizing me for the way I was doing things, even though it was my first time. No one was telling me that I sucked at something, no one was shooting me death glares, and no one was making fun of me for trying to do things and for running around the entire field.

And it felt fucking incredible.

My co-drum majors are so hard to deal with. One of them puts themself on a pedestal above the other two of us, just because of the extra year of experience that they have. And instead of trying to help us get to their level, they separate and isolate themself more from us, so that they can have more power. And my other co-drum major is just the most insufferable, immature person that I've ever been around. And honestly, knowing that they weren't going to be at this rehearsal felt like I was taking a breath of fresh air.

I came away from this rehearsal feeling the happiest I'd ever felt. I finally got my "I made it" moment. I finally felt like everything that I've worked for was for a reason, that I could absolutely get lost in the music and love every bit of what I was doing. No one was watching me--and if they were, I don't care. Let them watch. I worked hard for that rehearsal moment to be mine, and I want to have my moment.

Not only do I feel like I'm forgotten when all three drum majors and my BD are there, but more than that, I feel like I'm not valued by them. Like I don't matter. And it hurts more than anything else. My BD tells us that being a drum major means that we're going to be the butt of every joke that she makes, and I honestly don't care. Because if she's willing to joke around with me and show that bit of humor with me, then it makes me feel like I'm seen, and that I'm at a level where I can be joked around with, and where I can have fun whilst still working hard at that level. And that happened today during one of my band classes, and I was able to laugh along and get just as much fun out of it as the rest of the class did.

And you know what? Neither of my co-drum majors were there.

So honestly, this could just be me being absolutely delusional, but I feel like my life would be so much easier if I was the only drum major. For one thing, I'd feel so, so, so much better about myself. One of my co-drum majors continues to put me down every chance that they get, and after suffering from imposter syndrome for a good chunk of last year, the fact that they're willing to try to get me to hate myself just as badly hurts more than imaginable. And for another thing, I'd actually feel like I matter. And that's the other thing--I don't really have a group of friends in band. Sure, I'm friendly with everyone and stuff, but I don't have that same group of people that I call my specific group of friends. And this group just feels like my home. And I want to feel valued when I'm surrounded by the people that mean an insurmountable amount to me, but when someone else who has the exact same position that I do makes it their entire life's mission to tear me down, and I don't have that level of confidence to stop them from making me fee like I don't matter... yeah, it hurts. And honestly, I keep thinking about what would happen if I was no longer a DM, and I've realized that neither of my co-drum majors would really care. I'd like to hope that my BD would care, but part of me feels like the only reason she'd care would be because she was missing an extra set of hands sometimes, or she was missing the girl that wouldn't complain about moving ladders and doing all the dirty work. Not like she actually missed me.

I don't know. I feel like it's been way more than ten minutes at this point, but I just needed to rant. Hopefully things will get easier. Hopefully things will get better. But I really don't know. See you on the field (or not).

Brushed aside,

--theforgottendrummajor

[roseacademia]

🎶 I don't belong

And, my beloved, neither do you 🎶

Yeah, no, it's not that sweet.

What can I say? Sometimes you don't fit in because you're authentic and sometimes you don't last because you're rotten beneath the skin.

[catsauceeartofficial]

Accepting isolation, craving belonging

[forgottenbones]

[antirepurp]

You are a ghost and an echo from a place you cannot go back to

[agendercryptidlev]

Thinking about how Riz is the one who first used he/him pronouns for Baron & what it's like being AroAce is a queer space. Thinking about Riz seeing the kinship that Raugh and Kristen formed over both being gay and wanting that connection, that sense of community, but holding himself back because while he wasn't "normal" he also wasn't like them. When you're gay you're family and when you're straight you fit in but what happens when you're neither? How do you categorize that.

Riz isn't afraid of his orientation because he's different by societal standards. It's not being queer that scares him no, it's the isolation of not knowing if anyone else feels the way he does. He knows that if he were gay or bi or pan his friends would understand, he'd be like them and be surrounded by people like him. But he's not like them, he is different in a way that seems entirely unique to himself.

So maybe he kind of wished he was gay, and that Baron existed because that was what he was afraid to admit. It'd be a lot less lonely than the truth.