#i have like. school. and i need to apply for my masters when my professors will finally answer their emails abt letters of recommendation

[weemssapphic]

I see you opened your requests hehehe. This little idea popped into my head and i can’t get it out. So it’s larissa x reader and r is the new principal since everyone thought larissa died but tn tn tnnnn she’s alive and she comes back to nevermore but only as a professor since they already hired r which doesn’t sit right with larissa and she automatically doesn’t like r. So they bicker all the time until they just hate fuck one day (how it came to that point is totally up to you) and pleaseeee i need them to fuck the shit out of eachother. Then when it’s done r admits that she would much rather just be a professor, that being principal is too much for her and she’ll back down from the position.

Anywaysss that’s it and make it as long as you want if you decide to write it :) (love all of your work btw)

A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS TOOK (*hides in shame*). I do hope this makes up for it, I found it very fun to write and, though it took a different turn than I'd originally planned, I am happy with how it turned out! And thank you so much 🤍

like a candle flame

Larissa Weems x f!reader

Words: ~ 7.5k | ao3 link in title

Content/warnings: angst, lots of bickering and arguments, enemies to lovers (sorta), unhealthy relationship / power dynamic, coma, mentions of ptsd/anxiety??, nsfw (smut): hate sex, rough sex, vaginal fingering, cunnilingus, marking

Principal of Nevermore Academy: it certainly had a nice ring to it.

The past years all led up to this: after finishing university and getting your masters in education, you’d scored a teaching position at a school for outcasts in California. Being an outcast yourself, you were grateful for the opportunity that had opened up - teaching was a passion of yours, certainly, but teaching outcasts, kids like you, that was a dream come true. Eventually, you took over assistant principal duties at the school and you had to admit you liked the change of pace, being involved in the administrative side of things for once.

During your time in California, you’d set your eye on Nevermore Academy - another prestigious school for outcasts, the first school of its kind. And when you’d heard of an opening for a new principal? You just had to apply. The position was posted at rather short notice - apparently, there had been an incident involving the previous principal, who’d been in a coma for weeks and hadn’t shown any signs of recovering. They needed to find someone to fill in for the new school year - fast - and, as though it were fate, your application was immediately accepted.

The school year at Nevermore had been going on for a few weeks now and your new office was finally starting to feel like your own. You’d made a few changes in decoration - some of the prior principal’s decor was a bit odd for your taste. But you were settling in well, getting to know your duties and connecting with your staff and students.

You were just catching up on some emails as the door to your office flew open, rattling in its hinges and causing you to jump, your heart racing.

“Jesus, you scared me! Haven’t you heard of knocking?” You fixed your gaze on the woman who had so unceremoniously barged into your office and was now taking long strides towards your desk. She was a stunning woman - tall, with long legs; dressed to the nines; her hair nearly white and perfectly coiffed to accentuate her cheekbones; her eyes deep blue and sparkling with a deep fury.

“I don’t have to knock to enter my own office,” the woman hissed, her tone venomous. 

Your brows knit together in confusion and you squinted at her, your mind going a mile a minute. Now that you thought of it, she did look vaguely familiar… Who the fuck- oh. Oh. 

“You’re the former principal, aren’t you? I thought you were in a coma?” You figured the polite thing to do would be to ask how she’s doing, show some sign of concern, but she looked perfectly fine to you - and she didn’t seem in the mood to engage in small-talk, anyway - so you bit your tongue.

The woman’s eyes flashed dangerously, her upper lip twitching as she tilted her head. “Principal Weems. Headmistress of Nevermore Academy. Now if you’d be so kind as to get out of my chair…”

You stood slowly, placing your hands on your desk and leaning forward. While you didn’t quite match her height, you’d be damned if you let yourself be intimidated - you’d worked too hard for this position, wished for it too much, you wouldn’t let her take it from you, no matter who she thought she was.

“I’ve been appointed principal of Nevermore. This is now my office. If you have an issue with that, I’d like to kindly refer you directly to the school board.” You paused, raising an eyebrow and sorting some papers on your desk. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have meetings to prepare for.”

Principal Weems glowered down at you and you glared up at her, neither one of you seeming to want to back down. Her eyes flicked between your own, blazing with fury and passion in equal measure. Abruptly and without another word, she turned on her heel and stormed out of your office, slamming the door behind her.

Your eyes followed her every move as you stared after her, your heart thundering in your chest. The nerve of that woman. This was definitely not something you’d planned for - you hoped she wouldn’t cause too much trouble with the school board.

~~~

As expected, you received a call from the school board the next day - it seemed that the former principal had caused a bit of an uproar after she’d left your office. The head of the school board informed you that Ms. Weems, formerly Principal Weems, would be appointed to Nevermore as a history teacher. You figured the decision was made due to her connection with the school, but also to keep the peace. Even based on your short interaction from the previous day, you could guess the kind of hell she’d raised after leaving your office.

Given that her former quarters, which had been locked up for the time being, were attached to your new office, Ms. Weems would be appointed new quarters in the teacher’s hall as well until the end of the school year. What this meant, however, was that she would have to come by your office to pick some of her things up from her old quarters - which you were not looking forward to.

It was nearing 5 pm on a Friday - you still had a pile of administrative paperwork waiting to be completed, but you couldn’t concentrate for the life of you. You’d already cut your lunch break short to deal with the shenanigans of some students, and with the weekend so close your motivation to read through the documents the mayor had sent you was at an all time low. Slipping your phone from your pocket, you decided a break - just a short distraction, really - was in order, and started to scroll through your socials.

The door to your office creaked open - you figured it was a student who needed something and raised your head to reprimand them for forgetting to knock, only to be met with the sight of Ms. Weems. Larissa, as you’d read in her file. A beautiful name for an admittedly beautiful woman - too bad she seemed intent on loathing you. She stopped in the doorway, her lips curling into a disapproving frown.

“Hard at work, I see,” she sneered, closing the door behind her and giving you a once over, her eyes full of disdain as they lingered on the cell phone in your hands.

“I hardly see how this is any of your business,” you replied, your voice hard as you scowled back at her. Two could play at this game. “And if I may be so blunt, it’s rather rude not to knock before you enter someone else’s office. Particularly when that person is your superior.”

The blonde’s features hardened even further, her expression changing from disdainful to downright icy.

“Do not underestimate my connections in this town, Ms. Y/L/N. It would be a shame to see you lose your new position so suddenly.” Her voice was condescending, sickeningly sweet with a razor sharp edge to it - you tightened your grip on your phone, your knuckles turning white as you felt your heart begin to pound viciously.

“Is that a threat, Ms. Weems? And, while we’re on the subject of my position, I would prefer if you would address me as Principal Y/L/N from now on.”

“Not a threat. A promise.”

With that, she swept past your desk with an elegant yet powerful stride, swiftly unlocking the door to her former quarters and disappearing inside.

After what seemed like ages, Larissa emerged with two massive suitcases. You tried to ignore her and concentrate on your work, but it seemed she was deliberately being as noisy as possible, and that made it increasingly difficult to focus on anything else.

“You know what?” You stood from your desk, shutting your laptop and grabbing your phone and keys. “I’m going to head out to get some dinner. You just figure this” you gestured vaguely towards her quarters as you crossed the office “out.”

“Chivalrous,” Larissa remarked sarcastically as your hand rested on the doorknob - you turned and raised an eyebrow. 

“You’ve been nothing but rude to me since the second we met. You want help? Call your friends or connections or something.” With that, you disappeared into the corridor, slamming the poor door behind you and missing the way Larissa’s face fell. 

~~~

By the time you got back to your office late that night to lock up (and you’d taken your sweet time, not in the mood for any more altercations), Larissa was gone. 

You barely slept that night - you were restless, tossing and turning constantly. You hated arguing with people - particularly your colleagues, which Larissa now was. Tomorrow was to be her first full day back at Nevermore, and it left you feeling unsettled and anxious.

Against all odds, the following morning was a quiet one. You’d half expected Larissa to barge into your office before lunchtime to scream at you about something, but no such outburst occurred. You’d gotten ahead of yourself, however - late that afternoon, the door to your office burst open, the tall blonde once again stalking towards your desk.

“Still having problems with the concept of knocking, I see,” you hissed, clenching your teeth.

Larissa glowered down at you, completely disregarding your statement - save for the subtle twitch of her upper lip.

“You really should adjust your tone when speaking with your staff, Principal Y/L/N.” She spat the word 'principal' at you as if it were laced with venom. “One might otherwise get the impression that you don’t respect them.” The right corner of Larissa’s lips curled up slightly into a condescending smile, and you felt a raging heat begin to boil in the pit of your stomach.

“It’s clear you don’t respect me, Ms. Weems,” you replied as coolly as you could. “But we both know that insulting me, no matter how much joy it may bring you, is not the reason you barged into my office. So. Why are you really here?”

“The planning of this year’s Rave’N.”

You raised an eyebrow, leaning back in your chair and clasping your hands together on your lap as you waited for Larissa to continue.

“As you may know, Nevermore Academy has been built on a centuries old history of tradition. I have spent my career upholding those traditions that make up the very heart of this school, to uplift our students, our faculty, and our community.”

You ran your tongue along your upper teeth - you already knew where she was going with this, and you had to fight the urge to groan and roll your eyes.

“So imagine my surprise, and dare I say disappointment, when I found out that our new dearly beloved principal was planning on canceling the Rave’N. An activity that our students greatly look forward to and that is essential to this school’s extra-curricular framework…” Larissa trailed off, her own eyebrow quirked in challenge as icy blue eyes flashed dangerously.

Taking a moment to collect yourself, you let out a long sigh - God, this woman was irritating. “Ms. Weems, I have absolutely no intention of canceling the Rave’N. I am, however - as you may have heard - postponing it until the spring. I’m not certain where you got your information, but you may want to check your sources before you go around rashly pointing fingers at people.”

Larissa folded her arms defensively across her chest, her cheeks slowly turning red in hue. “The Rave’N has been held on the same weekend every year for nearly 200 years. What made you decide to break tradition?”

“It’s my humble opinion, Ms. Weems, that it isn’t working well at all. The Rave’N, the way it has traditionally been held, has consistently taken place a few short weeks before end of semester exams, squeezed unceremoniously between other events that are far more important for the Academy. The Poe Cup, for one - which is steeped in history, as you may rightfully agree, and which encourages healthy competition amongst our students. And, of course, Parent’s Weekend, which is essential for nurturing our wider outcast-community and involving our dear parents and alumni. The Rave’N, in contrast, is a frivolous school dance which, whilst certainly entertaining, wastes precious time that students could spend studying for their exams.”

Larissa looked like she was damn close to exploding on the spot. Her nostrils flared as she stared you down, her expression nothing short of disdain and utter disgust. When she spoke, red lips curled around brilliantly white teeth, which flashed dangerously in the light of the setting sun from the window behind you.

“I will not have you ruining this school, a place I have devoted my entire existence to, whilst you waltz in here and decide that it isn’t up to your arbitrary standards. Just because you don’t have the experience required to run a school and juggle multiple events at once, does not mean that they have been poorly planned. Rather, I believe this situation reflects your own shortcomings as an administrator.”

“Fine.” You grit your teeth - you’d have fired the woman on the spot if she hadn’t weaseled her way in through the school board. “You want to have your precious Rave’N this fall? You plan it then. I, however, want no part in it.”

Larissa let out a snort. “It’s nothing I can’t manage. And not to worry, I’ll leave you out of it.” With that, she turned and stalked back to the door, her hips swaying in an irritatingly tantalizing way - it made you furious.

“Oh, and Ms. Weems? If you barge into my office to insult me one more time, I will not hesitate to take this up with the school board.”

Larissa’s shoulders tensed and her hand paused on the door handle - then she yanked the door open and, once again, slammed it behind her. 

Ridiculous.

~~~

Although Larissa had since refrained from bursting into your office unannounced for a verbal sparring match, the bickering continued full-force. You’d hoped it would get better as time went on, but the opposite proved to be true.

Thoughts of Larissa had begun to plague you wherever you went. You couldn’t avoid her - she was everywhere. She argued with you during every staff meeting, made a point to pass you in the hall every chance she got, chose a seat directly within your line of vision during lunchtime - taunting you wherever you went. You’d started to hide in your office during breaks simply to find some reprieve.

You’d even lie awake in bed at night, unable to get the infuriating blonde out of your head. The worst part was, it wasn’t just your anger and anxiety over the arguments and the disrespect that kept you from sleeping - it was the fact that, despite it all, you couldn’t get over the strange pull that you felt towards this woman, even as you’d begun to hide from her like a coward.

She was driving you utterly mad, in every sense of the word. When she argued with you, baring her teeth, her face contorted with rage, you wanted to slap her. Then, and it took you a few sleepless nights to admit it to yourself, you wanted to kiss her - you wanted to consume her, to smudge her lipstick and litter her body in purple marks, to push her up against a wall and fuck the rage out of her. You wanted to see the arrogant, furious, domineering Larissa Weems turn into a needy little slut, utterly at your mercy and begging you to cum, to please, please, let me cum- 

You groaned in frustration, slipping a hand under the covers and into your underwear. Your cunt was absolutely drenched and you couldn’t take it anymore, rubbing hard and fast circles around your clit as you felt both shame and pleasure overwhelm you. Your imagination was your best friend as you pictured Larissa: her face flushed, her lipstick smeared down her chin, her milky thighs trembling and clenching around your hand as she rode your fingers - sinful moans being ripped from her throat because of you. 

Your orgasm washed over you as you reached your peak - it came and went, and you pulled your fingers from your underwear and wiped them on the sheets. Embarrassment and regret welled up inside of you as you laid there alone in the darkness of your quarters, unable to stop your thoughts from drifting towards a certain former principal and what she might be doing in her quarters.

Sleeping, probably, you thought bitterly.

~~~

Each week proved to be more trying than the last, and you found yourself, more nights than not, lying awake until ungodly hours thinking about Larissa - touching yourself because of Larissa. The harder she made your life, the more you seemed to be consumed by her - and then, the next hurdle was thrown your way.

Part of your duty as principal was, of course, conducting performance evaluations of your staff. Since you were new at Nevermore and unfamiliar with the staff members, you’d had to pop into parts of their classes to observe and get a feel for their teaching - and most of the teachers welcomed this with open arms.

Larissa Weems was not like most of the teachers, though. Given how often she’d shown up in your office unannounced, you’d had no qualms about randomly popping into her last class of the day, closing the door gently behind you and taking a seat in the back row.

Larissa stopped teaching immediately, her proud, tender smile slipping from her face when she saw your face among the sea of students. “Can I help you, Principal Y/L/N?” Her voice quavered slightly, and the students turned around curiously, their eyes darting between you and Larissa.

“Don’t mind me, Ms. Weems,” you said with a forced smile. “I’m just observing for today. Just pretend I’m not even here.” You gave her a wink which had her lip twitching and her nostrils flaring - the tension between the two of you did not go unnoticed by the students, who were eerily quiet as Larissa resumed her lesson.

Before you’d made your presence known, Larissa had been smiling so warmly at her students - it was obvious how much she cared for them, and the energy in her classroom had felt inviting and kind. The shift in energy when you’d sat down was alarming - Larissa had turned into an ice queen almost instantly. You could tell she felt uncomfortable and tense, and her teaching was robotic and distracted. Her students didn’t seem to be very engaged either - it seemed that her mood had rubbed off on them, and a feeling of unease blanketed the room.

When the lesson was over, Larissa immediately turned to her desk to pack her things, her students filing out of the room in silence.

“Ms. Weems, I’d like to see you in my office in twenty minutes, please. I have something I’d like to discuss with you.” You didn’t wait for a reply before slipping out of the classroom and hurrying to your office.

~~~

Exactly twenty minutes later, a low knock sounded on your door - you were almost pleasantly surprised, but then Larissa barged in anyway, without waiting for you to respond, and you felt a twinge of annoyance bubble up inside of you.

“You wanted to see me.” Larissa grit her teeth as she stalked up to your desk.

“I did. Please, have a seat.”

Larissa ignored your offer and you let out a heavy sigh. “I must say, I was really disappointed this afternoon. The energy in your classroom was bordering on hostile and you made all of us feel very uncomfortable. I wouldn’t say that’s exactly conducive to learning and-”

“What were you even doing in my classroom?” Larissa hissed.

“I have been getting to know our faculty and their teaching methods better. It has worked quite well with your peers, however this afternoon was… eye-opening for me. What disappointed me the most, Ms. Weems, was that I caught a glimpse of you teaching as I entered the room, and it was… lovely. You care about your students, you really do, and I believe you to be a capable and nurturing teacher - your student’s grades prove as much.” You stood and rounded your desk, coming to stand in front of Larissa. “But the way your demeanor shifted when I joined your class… The way you refuse to work with me - it cannot continue like this.”

Larissa took a step forward, into your personal space. You could practically feel the white-hot anger radiating off of her in waves - it completely engulfed you. “You humiliated me in front of an entire class of my students and I-”

“Oh, shut up, Larissa!”

The blonde looked visibly shocked at the sudden use of her first name, the way it rolled off your tongue. Her pupils widened and her cheeks flushed - it was as if a switch had flipped inside of her as her eyes began to narrow and her lips curled into a sneer, electricity crackling between your bodies.

“Make me.”

That was it - the last straw. The heat you felt coursing through your veins was too much to bear, and without a single thought of consequences, you crashed your lips into Larissa’s, your hands immediately resting on her hips and tugging her closer.

The blonde let out a wanton moan as your tongue wasted no time in swiping at her lips, begging for entry - which she granted you without hesitation. Her tongue immediately met your own, licking into your mouth with a desperate sort of passion as she pushed her body flush against yours. Her left hand fisted at the collar of your shirt, pulling you closer and closer as her right hand threaded itself tightly through your hair, holding you in place.

The tension surrounding the both of you was growing thicker by the second, a hot coil winding itself tightly in your abdomen and lighting your entire body aflame. With a step forward, you had Larissa pinned between you and the edge of your desk. A little push was all she needed to topple back onto it, pulling you with her. 

Larissa’s hands shot out to catch herself before her back hit the wood, and your lips disconnected for a moment. Her hot breath was heavy against your face and you looked up to see Larissa’s gaze fixed intently on your own, her eyes heavy-lidded and her pupils dilated so that there was barely a sliver of blue visible.

Her lipstick was smudged, smeared across her chin, just like in your fantasies, and for a moment you froze, like a deer caught in headlights.

You, the prey, and Larissa, the predator.

A wicked smile formed on her lips as she realized your predicament.

“Thought you could just fuck the attitude out of me, did you?” she purred, baring her teeth. You swallowed thickly, your eyes glued to her kiss-swollen lips, your heart pounding so fast you thought it might burst.

Even leaning back with her ass resting on your desk, she still towered over you. Her height had never intimidated you before but for a moment it gave you pause - you felt so very small. That moment was enough for Larissa to realize she had the upper hand, enough for her to slide her palm over the outside of your thigh, enough for her nimble fingers to tug the fabric of your skirt upwards until it was resting snugly above your hips, your panties on display for her. 

“How naive of you,” she murmured as her fingers came to rest on your abdomen - you shivered at the touch - before slipping into the waistband of your underwear. You felt your cheeks burn as Larissa slid two fingers between your folds - you were so wet for her already, and the thought embarrassed you. 

Larissa hummed quietly as she began to tease your slit, taking her time exploring your sex and gathering your juices on the pads of her fingers. When she finally soothed her fingers over your clit, you let out a strangled gasp, your hands coming to rest on her shoulders and squeezing tightly as your eyes fluttered shut.

Your clit was so sensitive, like every casual brush of her fingers could send you over the edge - but they didn’t. Just when you thought you might cum, her fingers left the little bundle of nerves and slid down your slit, towards your entrance. 

She slipped the tip of her finger in, just to the first knuckle, before retracting and circling your entrance with a featherlight touch. Your nails dug into Larissa’s shoulders as you bucked your hips into her hand, whimpering desperately.

“So needy already and I’ve barely touched you,” Larissa tutted. “Tell me, have you pictured this before? Have you craved it?” Condescension dripped from her lips but you couldn’t find it in you to care - in fact, if anything, you felt the coil in your belly tighten and you ground your hips harder into her hand.

“Y-yes,” you whimpered. There was no point in lying to Larissa, not with how wet you were - and you would do just about anything to cum right now.

Without warning, Larissa plunged her finger into your hole, chuckling at the moan that clawed its way from deep within you. After a few pumps of her finger, she added a second digit and began to match the thrusts of your hips as she fucked you.

She curled her fingers upwards, going deeper this time and causing you to thrust forward so violently you nearly slid to the floor. Her reflexes were quick and she steadied you with her free arm, a smirk growing on her face.

Whatever power trip she was on, you didn’t care to stop her as her lips crashed into yours, her tongue all but forcing its entry into your mouth and asserting dominance. You felt entirely at her mercy as you felt yourself teeter on the edge of pleasure, your mind going fuzzy as Larissa’s fingers hit all the right spots inside you. What finally sent you over the edge was the way her thumb brushed over your clit at just the right moment, her fingers stroking your walls.

You clenched around her as you came, the coil in your belly snapping. Your moans were swallowed by the blonde, who seemed unable to keep her lips off your own, kissing and licking and gently nipping.

Your hands slid from Larissa’s shoulders to her waist, steadying yourself as you pulled back from the kiss. Larissa slipped her hand out of your underwear, her fingers glistening with your arousal - she brought them to her mouth and made a show of placing them on her tongue, licking and sucking and letting out a satisfied hum.

She watched you watch her, a smug grin growing on her face as your own cheeks flushed at the vulgar noises she was making. It was almost too much to bear, and you felt your frustration return with full force as Larissa pushed herself off the desk, holding her head high and smoothing the wrinkles in her dress. You would be damned if you let Larissa fuck you and then go on disrespecting you and making you feel awful about yourself. 

“You thought we were done here?” You squared your shoulders and glared at Larissa in challenge - she quirked an eyebrow, looking slightly taken aback. “After all that, you would deny me the opportunity to return the favor?”

Larissa’s breathing quickened and you smirked as you leaned in to kiss her jaw. Your lips trailed lower, down the side of her neck, and she tilted her head back to give you better access as your teeth found her pulse point. You could feel her pulse hammering away as your lips latched onto her neck, sucking until her skin had been marked deep red.

Your hands found her hips and you moved down her body until your face was level with her thighs. You could feel Larissa’s gaze upon you as you slid her dress upwards to reveal her underwear - her knuckles turning white as she gripped the edge of the desk. There was a wet spot at the center of her underwear and you leant in, slowly dragging your tongue over the fabric and drawing a breathy groan from Larissa’s chest.

“And here you had me thinking I was the only one who was so wet right now,” you teased, your tongue finding Larissa’s clit through her underwear and giving it a gentle kitten lick, causing her to buck her pelvis into your mouth.

“So impatient…” You glanced up at Larissa’s face to see her cheeks flushed and her chest heaving as she glowered down at you. She made no move to stop you, however - quite the contrary, as she began to roll her hips against your tongue.

As much as you wanted to go on teasing her forever, you also felt a desperate urge to get a taste of the woman before you, so you hooked your fingers under the waistband of her underwear and pulled it down her long legs. You hooked her thighs over your shoulders, unable to stop yourself from moaning as you watched Larissa’s glistening folds spread for you.

You began to place wet, open-mouthed kisses to the insides of Larissa’s thighs, alternating between each leg and reveling in the way her thighs began to tremble beneath your lips. Smirking, you bit her thigh - right next to the entrance to her pussy. Larissa hissed and yanked your head back by the hair, her eyes flashing violently. Behind the aggression, there was a pool of unfettered desire already unspooling. Larissa was coming apart at the seams before your very eyes, and you could tell by her anger that it was unsettling to her.

The very thought emboldened you. “Well if it isn’t the former principal of Nevermore, turned into a needy little slut for me.” 

Your words had the desired effect - Larissa mewled and bucked her hips towards your mouth. You took the opportunity to dive right in, the scent of her arousal filling your nostrils and making you feel dizzy with want as your tongue dragged its way up her slit. She tasted absolutely divine and you let out a satisfied hum that vibrated against her pussy and drew a deep moan from her chest.

Larissa’s fingers wound themselves even tighter in your hair as your tongue began to draw lazy circles around her clit, smearing your saliva and her arousal around the sensitive bud. You began to alternate between licking and sucking, wrapping your lips around her clit and flicking your tongue over it - experimenting with different paces and amounts of pressure to find out which drew the most sinful moans from the blonde’s lips, which made her thighs begin to tremble around your head.

You found it easy to lose yourself in Larissa - in her taste, her scent, the noises she was making, the way her pussy felt against your tongue and the way her hand felt against your head. You lapped hungrily at her cunt, your own desire burning hot within you as you felt Larissa barrel closer and closer to the edge - if the shaking of her legs and the volume of her groans was anything to go by.

Glancing up to catch a glimpse of her face, you dipped your tongue into her entrance, feeling her walls clench. A fire seemed to burn in her eyes as she came undone. You could tell how badly she wanted you by the way her lips parted as she gazed down at you, the way her tongue grazed her lower lip, the way the exposed part of her chest was red with anticipation. Her head lolled slowly back and her eyes fluttered shut, and you continued to lick and suck through her orgasm.

Larissa let go of your hair and slumped back onto the desk, her breathing labored. You let out a satisfied hum as you licked the arousal off the insides of her thighs, then gently unhooked her legs from your shoulders and stood, leaning over the desk and smirking down at her.

She lay back against the desk, staring at the ceiling. When you came into her line of vision, she tilted her head towards you and met your gaze, a strange expression on her face.

“I need to leave,” she whispered hoarsely, her eyes wide and glassy.

You opened your mouth to speak but before you could get a word out, Larissa had pushed herself up and pushed past you, pulling her dress down with one hand as she stooped down to grab her underwear with the other hand. She balled it into her fist, hiding it from view as she hurried to the door.

“Lari-” Slam.

Larissa was gone, leaving you to slump down in the armchair across from your desk, your chest heaving and your mind racing.

~~~

After a night of tossing and turning, you woke to an email from Larissa in your inbox.

Ms. Y/L/N,

Unfortunately, I am feeling a bit under the weather today, and am unable to teach my afternoon classes. Please do be so kind as to find a suitable replacement.

Regards,

L. Weems

Something wasn’t sitting right with you. Your stomach churned as you read the email over and over again, and it didn’t stop as you brushed your teeth, nor as you got dressed, nor as you settled at your desk with a cup of coffee.

You couldn’t get the previous day out of your head, and two things stuck out in your mind most of all: 

Firstly, the little glimpse of Larissa that you’d caught when you’d first entered her classroom. The warmth, the genuine smile directed at her students, the encouraging tone to her voice. It was a side of Larissa that you hadn’t been privy to at all, and it made your heart ache - making you wish, even if just for a moment, that she could someday afford you that same warmth, that that brilliant smile of hers could be directed at you.

And secondly, the way those few moments made you realize how much you missed teaching. You’d always felt that your greatest purpose in life was to guide young outcasts and help them achieve their own goals, just as your teachers had done for you. And right now, as principal, you weren’t doing much of that at all. Maybe Larissa was right - maybe you weren’t cut out for the administrative side of things. The constant push and pull, the political bullshit, making all these decisions for the good of the school and being left so very unsure of yourself, with so little time to dedicate to the students you loved so much.

Your mind was replaying your last interaction with Larissa - the look in her eyes, how she’d left in such a hurry. Something was definitely off, and you wouldn’t rest until you’d sorted it out.

Shutting your laptop and abandoning your coffee, you grabbed your keys and made your way to the teacher’s quarters.

~~~

“Ms. Weems?” you called out, rapping your knuckles against the door to her quarters.

Silence. 

“Ms. Weems?”

…

“Larissa?” you tried, knocking again.

This time, a soft shuffling could be heard, followed by the click of a lock, before the door opened just a crack, revealing one side of Larissa’s face, cast in shadow - it seemed she had the curtains drawn, and you suddenly felt guilty in case you’d woken her.

“Didn’t you receive my email, Ms. Y/L/N?” There was no hard edge to Larissa’s voice - she simply sounded exhausted.

“I, uh… I did, yes. I’m sorry if I woke you. I just wanted to check in and see if there’s anything I could do for you.” And talk, you added in your head. “Could I please come in?”

Larissa stared at you for a moment. Then a moment more. Then, she opened the door just a crack more and allowed you to step inside her quarters. 

The curtains were indeed drawn, though the second that Larissa closed the door behind you, she hurried to the window and opened them to let in some light. She looked pristine as ever - not a hair out of place, makeup done to perfection, clothing free of wrinkles. She didn’t look ill at all. The only indication that she may have been curled up in bed was the untidy way her sheets were made up, as if she’d pulled them up and fluffed them in a haste.

Larissa’s eyes followed your gaze to her bed and she quickly took a step to the side, blocking it partially from view.

“Have you come to inspect how I keep my quarters now, as well?” she asked, an iciness seeping back into her tone. “I didn’t realize that was any of your concern as principal, Ms. Y/L/N.”

You shook your head lightly, finding yourself suddenly at a loss for words. “I… no. No, it’s not. That’s actually not why I’m here. Could you… um, could you please call me Y/N?”

Larissa scoffed and crossed her arms across her chest. “Alright. Y/N. Why are you here then?”

Your teeth sank into your lower lip as your mind whirred with all the things you wanted to say, all the things you wanted to know.

“What happened yesterday?” you whispered finally.

“You were there, were you not?” Larissa said with an incredulous snort. “Or would you like a quick recap?”

“No, I mean… I mean when you left.”

“I wasn’t feeling well.”

“You look fine to me,” you challenged with a raised eyebrow.

Larissa’s face hardened. “Your lack of empathy is absolutely astounding, Y/N.” 

“Well considering the fact that you never actually opened up to me, it’s no-”

“Opened up to you?” Larissa scoffed. “I didn’t realize we were friends. Why should I speak with you about personal matters that don’t concern you?”

You opened your mouth - then promptly closed it again. Larissa was right, of course. You weren’t friends, and what she was or wasn’t going through was, of course, none of your business. That somehow didn’t stop you from wanting to know, though. As infuriating as the woman had proven to be since you’d met, you couldn’t help but desperately wish for things to be different than they were.

“You’re right. You don’t have to tell me anything. I just… I came by to tell you that I’m giving up my position. I’m going to call the school board this afternoon to quit, and I’m telling them that they should hire you back instead.”

The words left your mouth in a rush, and you felt so much lighter the second they did. Larissa’s lips parted, her eyes wide as she tried to process the information. You waited but she didn’t say anything, and so you turned to leave.

Just before you reached the door, Larissa found her voice. It was low and shaky, barely audible - but her quarters were so quiet you’d have heard a pin drop.

“I heard everything.”

Your brows knit together in confusion and you turned to see Larissa perch herself at the edge of her bed, her gaze trained on the floor in front of her.

“I don’t understand,” you whispered. “What did you hear?”

“It took ages for them to find me. When I woke up, I knew I was in the hospital because of the noises around me. Only I wasn’t awake, not really.” Larissa’s voice sounded bitter and subdued, her fingers twitched from where she was playing with them in her lap. “I heard people speaking to me. Then about me. And about Nevermore. And I couldn’t… I couldn’t say or do anything. I could only listen.”

Your heart was thumping erratically in your chest and you took a tentative step towards Larissa. “Who was speaking? Your friends, when they visited you?”

Larissa let out a shaky sigh, her eyelids fluttering shut. “Tell me, Y/N, how much time have you had to maintain your friendships since starting your position?”

The question confused you, and you drank in Larissa’s tense body language, her pained expression. Then you realized what she meant - her friends, if she even had any, hadn’t seemed to visit her at all, and a wave of guilt washed over you, so intense that you took a seat next to Larissa on the bed.

She opened her eyes and peered over at you, seeming to take your silence as a form of acknowledgment. “Some students visited in the first days - Miss Addams and Miss Sinclair, mostly, Miss Barclay once or twice. Later it was school administrators - trying to figure out what to do with me, I suppose, whether or not to…” Larissa trailed off into silence, letting out a shuddering breath as her eyes darted about the room. 

Without thinking, you leant in and pressed your lips to Larissa’s cheek - you felt her tense up and pulled back as quickly as you could, your own cheeks turning scarlet. 

“I-I’m so sorry,” you stuttered, scrambling to your feet.

A hand curled around your wrist, stilling you in your movements. “Don’t be,” Larissa whispered.

“Do you want me to go?” you asked anxiously. 

Larissa looked up at you with wide, watery eyes. “Could you stay? Just for a few minutes. Please.”

You nodded, sitting back down next to Larissa and resting your hand face up on her lap - an offering which she accepted, placing her hand in your own and interlacing your fingers.

“Thank you,” she murmured, her voice shaky. 

You gave Larissa’s hand a gentle squeeze, and the two of you sat in silence for what felt like hours, your hands intertwined. Strangely, you felt more at peace in that moment than you had since starting at Nevermore, and Larissa seemed to be getting more comfortable as well, even resting her cheek on your shoulder at one point.

The moment you left her quarters that afternoon, you pulled your phone out of your pocket to call the school board.

~~~

It was with a heavy heart that you hauled your suitcase onto your bed and unzipped it. Leaving Nevermore would be bittersweet for you - as much as you would miss the school you’d been dying to work at your entire life, you knew you were doing the right thing - for yourself, for Larissa, and for Nevermore.

You opened your wardrobe and began placing your clothes into your open suitcase when you heard a knock on the door to your quarters.

“It’s open,” you called out, and the door creaked as it swung open to reveal Larissa. “Hi,” you said with a shy smile, which Larissa returned hesitantly.

“I’ve just received a call from the school board and gotten everything sorted out. Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

You smiled softly at the principal. “I think I have some idea.”

Larissa’s cheeks turned pink and she looked away, her eyes darting around your room before landing on the mess on your bed. “Do you want to leave?” she asked, her voice soft and curious.

You chuckled nervously and gave her a light shrug. “I don’t know if I would say I want to leave, but I don’t see what choice I have without a job here. Unless you’re renting out rooms…?”

Larissa chuckled. “Actually, a position has opened up for a new history teacher,” she said. “I’ve taken the liberty of looking into your employment history and I think you’d be a great asset to our staff.”

Your eyes widened. “Really? You would hire me?”

“Yes,” Larissa said firmly. “I would. If you’d like to stay, that is…”

“Yes!” you all but shouted. “Sorry… yes. I would love to, that would be amazing. Thank you, Larissa.”

Larissa nodded, smiling softly. Your eyes fell to the large suitcase that was standing just behind Larissa, and you cocked your head to the side in question.

“The school board has agreed to allow me to take over my old quarters,” Larissa supplied as her gaze followed your own.

“Ah. I see.”

You fidgeted in place and Larissa watched you curiously for a moment. When she realized you weren’t going to say anything else, she gave you a curt nod and placed a hand on the handle of her suitcase. “I’ll leave you to it, then,” she said softly. “Perhaps we can set up a meeting this week to get you acquainted with your new position.”

You nodded, your stomach doing a little somersault as your heartbeat began to pick up just a tad. Larissa took a step back into the hallway and started to pull the door closed behind her.

“Larissa, wait.”

The blonde froze in her movements, her brow furrowing as her gaze shot up to meet your own. You swallowed thickly.

“Do you want help? Moving all your stuff back?”

You held your breath as Larissa stared. Then, her face lit up with a bright, beautiful smile, red lips curling up at the edges and sparkling blue eyes crinkling at the outer corners.

“I would love that.”

x

[snapeaddict]

A teacher's trick

For @mmad-lover <3

"I must say, I was quite surprised. The level of precision was that of a third-year; and it was brewed by an average student at best, Miss Ladislaw. Clearly, the discussion we had two weeks ago made a lasting impression. The girl has potential, and it pains me to admit it as I usually have a keen nose for those students with probable skills - I shall keep a close eye on her."

Minerva smirked slightly, although her expression also had something of that motherly fondness one finds in older people's faces as they listen to naive statements from their younger counterparts. That particular smile did not last long, however. She knew Severus would not appreciate what he would qualify as a "patronising attitude" - or what was it that he had said last time? - "ageist condescension". She had not taken it well; then Albus had looked at her with the very same expression, and told her she should know better than to lecture someone who was no longer a student. His amused eyes above the half-moon glasses, the slightly raised eyebrows... yes, Severus might have had a point after all. He was 24 already...

"And what is it that you told Miss Ladislaw two weeks ago?" she asked, her tone as neutral as could be.  

The Potions Master slightly shrugged his shoulders.  

"Merely that I thought she could achieve a satisfactory grade if she applied herself, and that her needing to work harder than some of her classmates for the same results should not hinder her from trying."

Minerva smiled again, then immediately took a sip from her teacup to hide it, pursing her lips.  

"Well, it makes perfect sense." She couldn't help herself.

Severus raised an eyebrow.  

"You told the girl you believed she could do well. You might as well have given that kind of student a bottle of Felix Felicis - it yields the same results."

"We are talking about a student who successfully brewed a Wiggenweld potion, not a Draught of Living Death."

"You understand my meaning."

Severus sighed, although he bowed his head slightly.

"We cannot go about telling every student such things hoping it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I would not have said it to half of them. If I had, it would not have been more than a white lie. All I can do is make sure they pass - I am no miracle worker."

"Oh, I don't know. It seems to be exactly what those new educative methods are about... you know, from the last board meeting. I thought..." She stared at him, then looked away, lowering her eyes. "I thought I could certainly incorporate some of them into my teaching. Be a bit more mindful. I am rather old-school, I'm afraid."

Severus kept looking at her. Then he simply replied, well after she had averted her gaze:

"We cannot be parents, Professor."

Minerva wondered if his momentary defeated expression had more to do with the immensity of the task at hand - to work at Hogwarts, one had better not gauge the assignment too closely - or with his own mixed feelings towards teaching. She thought it a little paradoxical how unforgiving he was with regard to academics, while he would go out of his way to try and fix things he could never fix, like broken homes and intra-student hierarchy. He was, it had to be said, an unforgiving teacher and a surprisingly supportive Head of House; Albus would certainly provide a satisfactory analysis for such behaviour, although a little too Lacanian to her liking.  

She poured him another cup of tea, which he accepted with a slightly embarrassed nod of the head. The friendliness between them was new and ever fragile. In its present state, it was a succession of extended hands quickly taken away when glares of suspicion, or the occasional snide remark, emerged again.

But she was trying, truly. This evening, she had originally planned, was to further their mutually beneficial relationship.

"You should not be so reluctant to make use of that Pygmalion effect, you know, Severus. It did yield great results with you."

He stared at her, looking genuinely surprised.  

"With me?" he repeated, the intonation quite unlike him.  

"If you recall, you were not very fond of Transfiguration as a boy."

"I shall make no comment on the subject."

His voice was rather cold.  

"You need not justify yourself", Minerva replied gently. This time, she held his gaze. "I know you had your reasons, all of them justified."

You did not feel safe, she wanted to add, but she said nothing. As usual, another thought rushed to complete the former - does that justify anything?  

She knew he would never claim that it did; although they had never brushed the subject, Albus had made no indication that the boy made any connection at all between the bullying, and his joining You-Know-Who. No, it was her; she made a connection. She saw a pattern, some kind of single path he was made to follow, perhaps a personal failure. It was in her nature to self-scrutinise when and only when she formed a bound - empathy enabled introspection as readily as dislike blinded her to any conclusions she might have previously drawn.

She was startled when he spoke:

"Not all of them, no."

She looked at him confusedly.  

"I beg your pardon?"  

"Not all my reasons for disliking Transfiguration were sound", Severus elaborated, smirking slightly.

She stared at him for a second. It was as if he had guessed...?  

"It was too much like muggle magic", he continued, purposely ignoring her expression. "Put a poor rabbit in a black hat; it is transformed into a dove. The coin disappears and reappears. You pull out metres of tissue from the magician's pocket. It seemed to me this was all that this was - magic tricks."

This time, Minerva was fully shaken out of her daze. She looked frankly scandalised.

"Magic tricks!" she repeated, her right hand on her heart. "Tricks!"  

Severus seemed to enjoy her half-genuine, half-theatrical display of indignation. He continued, sipping his tea with exaggerated nonchalance:

"I thought it horrendously inelegant. Turning animals into glassware while we brewed potions the colour of the starry sky... While we learnt to bottle things without essence... "

"I beg your pardon, no matter how you put it, it still is soup you are making down there", she cut sharply.

The Slytherin narrowed his eyes. "Now, Professor, you do not want me as your enemy", he said slowly, putting down his cup in the middle of the English porcelain before him.  

"Oh, but I do", Minerva replied in a syrupy tone. She put down her own cup with every bit of nonchalance he had just displayed. "Potions are just large soups. That is, boiling water with things you put inside of it."

"Transfiguration is but a distraction for children at a garden birthday party."

"... While their parents bake the birthday cake by throwing ingredients into a big bowl in the right order, which is what you do, if I am not mistaken."

Severus raised his eyebrows, now looking amused and somewhat surprised. He thought of a few bitting comebacks - some that he would not have shied away from using a few years later - but hesitated for a second. This was, after all, still his former professor...  

"Well, Severus? I am sure you of all people have a witty reply to offer. You are a man of many talents."

This was enough to stimulate a formidable combination of those replies he was pondering upon - something to do with Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration, its first principle, the impossibility of conjuring up food, the birthday cake, screaming children, ethical considerations about vanishing said children, and a muffling draught. He was about to speak; then, Minerva's words reached him fully. "You are a man of many talents."

He closed his mouth, smiled slightly, then nodded, all without a word.  

You are a boy of many talents, Severus. Be sure to remember this next class.  

"Pygmalion effect", Minerva said, leaning back in her seat. She clasped her fingers, smiling pensively. "You did so well that next Monday. You transformed that match into such a beautiful flower - truly the most remarkable one I had ever seen. I brought it to Pomona, I remember. She said it looked like a Lotus, Bleeding Heart, and Edelweiss had been bred together; it did not exist. It was a pure product of your imagination."

Severus frowned, although more from concentration than annoyance.  

"I barely remember".  

"You got an O. I cannot tell you how frustrated I was that you only got an E for your O.W.Ls. The only one! Nine 'Outstandings' in all other subjects!"  

Severus gave her an ironic look.  

"I am sorry to have disappointed".  

She rolled her eyes. "Do not put words into my mouth. Look", she added, getting up and circumventing her armchair, "I even took a picture."

She pulled out a drawer from the nearby buffet, then searched through its content for a few seconds, smoothly retrieving a mid-size, cardboard-like paper which she handed to him. Carefully, Severus lowered it down on his knees.

On the top right corner, in green ink, the words "Mr Snape - 1972" were written in the neat, strict handwriting that he had known since his first year, although usually in red. Somewhat clumsily this time - for whatever reason - he turned the paper over. It was, indeed, a picture: that of the flower he vaguely remembered, but now could study plainly, with its long petals and queer tear-shaped extensions right at their extremities. It looked more alien than beautiful, but that was not what his mind was occupied with. Rather, his black eyes scrutinised the background in the picture, clearly that of Minerva's personal desk, which had not changed much since then. His eyes went from the picture to the desk, dimly lit by a few candles at this time of the evening.  

"I wish it could have lasted longer", Minerva said softly, still standing by his side. She had followed his gaze. "It is one of the tragedies of transfiguration - nothing lasts forever."

For a few moments, Severus could not speak. Minerva put a hand on the back of his armchair, looking at him expectantly.

With difficulty, he gathered himself, and finally cleared his throat.  

"I was merely thinking... thinking that if you were to cast a combination of Epoximise and Orchideous spells, and I to brew an Elixir and Revigorating Draught, all of this put to use at regular intervals - it could potentially keep such a flower intact."

Minerva raised her eyebrows, her interest fully sparked. She turned around, searched through the buffet drawer once more, and placed a match in front of him. Her wand was out.

"Brilliant, Severus. What do you say I perform some tricks, and you bring over some soup, so that I can give you another O?

[chaoticneutralgood2627]

Advice to College Students (From someone who's trying to apply for a master's program)

Note that these are in no particular order and from my own particular experience. I will add if I think of more.

TAKE NOTES ON EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY IF YOU FIND IT COOL: your brain will tell you 'I'll remember that fact, it's so neat!' Your brain is a BITCH. You will not remember SHIT. Take ALL the notes. If you can record your classes, even better!

Write down who your professors are for each class. Make a big document. All the years. Write them. Write down their vibes and if you like them. Write down what sort of assignments they gave. Because I'm over here trying desperately to remember which professors I had multiple classes with so I can beg them for recommendations.

Save your assignments. Even if they're horribly cringey. You can use this to gauge how far you've come. I know it hurts your soul. I have fanfic from when I was 12. Do it anyway.

When they tell you the grad school shit, pay attention. Even if you don't plan to go back to school. Because I didn't listen and now I have changed my mind and I have no recollection of that section of school.

Networking. Gather contacts from your classmates. If for no other reason than because you think they're intimidating and you don't want your LinkedIn to look depressing. They're probably just as intimidated by you. And if not, you can pretend they are.

College is not high school. Next to no one has friends at first. Everyone is a disaster. Talk to people. You might not find Your People in your first friend group. That's fine. There are people there somewhere that can make life less awful. The worst they can say is no, you can't be friends with us (and most people aren't that bitchy). The universe is big and no one is judging you harder than you are.

It's not that friends Can't Live Together, it's that people have different organization styles and needs for survival and sometimes those Do Not Mesh. If you're going to live with someone, make sure that you have talked about things.

Everything can go on a resume if you word it right. Editing a friend's paper? Congrats, you have editing and tutoring experience. Playing DND on weekends? Cooperation and teambuilding to work towards a common goal, sometimes in the face of creative differences (your friends want to Fight Everything and you want to Stay Alive (or reversed)). EVERYTHING CAN GO ON A RESUME.

There are so many resources on campus. Use them, for the love of god because then you're going to be an adultier adult and realize that there is not a med center right across the campus.

Find what motivates you. Mine is spite, I am applying to grad school to get out of retail and to spite 2 specific supervisors. Cling to that when you want to drop out and quit.

There is not a specific route to take in college. Or out of college. Listen to yourself rather than everyone's advice (I am aware that this is ironic to be on an advice post).

If you think you can wake up at 9 after like 4 hours of sleep, that is the devil talking to you. Go to bed.

On the same note. I am aware that you woke up at like 5 for high school. You will not want to exist before noon. 8 am classes are not illegal, but they should be.

Take care of yourself. You're paying a shit ton of money to be there, you can take an hour to eat the food. Plus, if you take care of yourself, then you will work better.

There will be weird shit happening all over. Just roll with it. Unless it's hurting someone or has the potential to hurt someone (my one friend got stalked).

You are not required to stay somewhere social if it's creeping you the fuck out or if you aren't comfy. I think I went to a single party in my entire college life and I hid in the corner with their illegal kitten the whole time.

Speaking of illegal kittens. If you know someone has an illegal kitten, no the fuck you do not. There probably will be at least one. And you do not know about it.

[anthroamazed]

tips for stem majors in math and science courses (spoonie + neurodivergent friendly)

hi y’all! my nameis lila and i’m a 28 year old physics and anthropology major who’s about 2 years through college (in the US)! as we’re coming up on the start of the fall ‘23 college semester, i thought i might share some really solid hacks for fellow STEM students taking science and/or math courses that i’ve basically built my college academic career on. and! these study tips are spoonie and adhd friendly! as a matter of fact, a lot of these are tips/methods that specifically work for me as a neurodivergent spoonie (i have pretty severe adhd, as well as POTS and ME/CFS), but that i think non-disabled/non-spoonie and/or neurotypical students could also benefit from using! so with out any further ado, here are my 7 tried and true study hacks for college math and science classes…

1) discover your learning style and tailor your studying towards leveraging it.

you’ve probably heard of visual, audio, and kinesthetic learning styles, but did you now there’s actually way more learning styles than just those three? i’m personally a “social learner,” meaning i learn best through discussion and socialization with 1+ other people to interact with. this could look like teaching other classmates concepts and methods that we’ve learned or discussing ideas with classmates and/or professors until i fully understand the concepts at play and how they connect and can reflect them in performing analysis and application, etc. honestly, figuring out my learning style was hands down one of the most helpful things i’ve done in college. it has allowed me to choose professors who i will mesh better with in terms of how they teach, as well as to adapt materials and methods to my style of learning in order to master them quicker and more effectively.

2) rewrite your notes after lecture, for the love of god.

this tip actually comes from my high school IB Math HL teacher, who told me to do this when i originally left high school for college. even if you think you’ve mastered the basics of the topic covered during the lecture, rewriting those notes after lecture helps really hammer in the knowledge that you’ve already established and also helps to get the wheels turning on pieces of information you might have less of a grasp on. try tp set aside at least 30 - 40 minutes after class to just rewrite your notes and try to really digest the information.

3) body doubling is one of the most beneficial things ever to be invented even if you’re not adhd, and i WILL die on that hill, thank you very much.

“body doubling” or “having an accountabilibuddy” are interchangeable terms in the adhd community that mean you have one or more consistent study buddy/buddies who you do all the homework and/or studying with in person on a regular basis, even if you’re just working next to each other in total silence. this does a couple of things. first off, it forces homework/assignments/studying to become a concrete social obligation you need to regularly show up for, rather than a nebulous obligation based on an invisible deadline. second off, it gives you 1+ partners to work out your problems concerning course topics with. third off, it allows you to build a network of peers where you feel comfortable helping each other with course material (this is especially great because it’s likely you and your classmates have different strengths regarding course content). tbh, body doubling is the other method that i, personally, have found most useful in college and i highly recommend trying it, even if you don’t have adhd.

4) teach others/your classmates the analysis and application methods you’ve learned, even if those methods aren’t 100% solidified for you (trust me on this).

the goal of stem courses is never memorization, but rather being able to understand a topic well enough to analyze a similar situation and apply the what you’ve learned creatively. this is where teaching others comes in. in order to teach others a concept and its related analysis and application well, you have to have at least a fraction of a decent understanding of these things yourself, and, further, often time in teaching these things you also learn to grasp the concepts/aanalysis/applications even better than you did before with each new teaching session. basically: teaching others is a creative way of also teaching yourself. you get the benefits of repetition, of thinking about a concept/technique/analysis and application in a new way, and of getting to apply the concept/technique/analysis and applicatioin to a new scenario each time. plus, you’ll typically make friends quickly in the process! there’s really no downside to this tip imo ;-)

5) utilize your college’s tutoring center/program(s), even when you don’t think you need to.

usually colleges have either set up a general “tutoring center,” on campus where you can find tutors for all different kinds of topics and courses available during regular hours for walk-in sessions and/or appointments free of charge or departments will hold regular weekly (or twice weekly) free on-campus tutoring sessions for specific courses. regardless of which of these options your college has, i highly recommend attending at least one tutoring session/appointment (ideally with the same tutor if/when you eventually find one you click with) every single week, even when you don’t feel like you’re struggling with the topic(s) covered in that week’s lecture. this will help you review topics and techniques covered in lecture, deepen your understanding of them, and, if nothing else, it’s an excuse to get homework out of the way while having someone else there who can help you if/when you get stuck. attending at least one session weekly also helps you get into a habit and routine of keeping up with your assignments, so you’re not left scrambling at the last minute before they’re due.

6) if you have accommodations, request access to record lectures. if you do not have accommodations, ask your professor if you are allowed to record lectures. IF YOU RECORD LECTURES, DO NOT FORGET TO REVIEW THEM!

okay, so first up for my fellow spoonies and neurodivergent peeps: when you apply for/renew your accommodations, make sure that “recordinng lectures” is on your MOA (memorandum of accommodations), because so long as it is, your professors legally cannot deny you permission to record lectures without risk of themself and the college being sued for an ADA violation. also, make friends with a classmate and ask them to record lectures and send them to you if/when you are absent (let the professor know that you’ve asked this classmate to record and send you the lecture if you are absent)

now, if you aren’t disabled, a spoonie, and/or neurodivergent, you aren’t guaranteed permission to record lectures. however. ask the professor if you can have their permission to audio record lectures (be sure to also let them know that such a recording would be for personal use only and that you don’t plan on distributing the recordings). i’ve found that many professors don’t mind you having an audio recording.

even if you aren’t an audible learner it can be really useful to have these recordings to review at a later point. oftentimes reviewing lecture recordings can be useful if you glazed over and missed a section of the lecture and/or if you can’t remember what a professor taught during a section of a lecture.

7) last but not least, on a related note, if you have accommodations, also request access to your professor’s lecture notes. if you don’t have accommodations, check if your professor posts their lecture notes for students to use.

having your professor’s notes can be extremely useful for review purposes, but they can also help you understand where your professor is going with course content and what they want to stress as important.

[widefuturesss]

how did you get started doing the things you do publicly? like teaching, having writings published, etc?

I’ve always put myself out there. “I wanna be a voice heard and change seen” said 15 year old Chi in their bedroom chanting/praying after watching a powerful video about Oprah loll. By the time I started university I was very determined bout my becoming. Moved to a new city/country alone at 17 and I went to my first poetry spoken word open mic at a library I found online, by my 2nd event I got booked for my first reading… I soon started applying to open calls, my first commission led to another which led to another… I started self-publishing my work cuz I felt an urgency and I needed it out there. I couldn’t wait for anyone so when the places I sent my work too never got back, I took it upon myself. I remember first year in uni I made my first book of poetry and art, heavy in the chest, my professor that marked it then invited me to an event where I got paid to read an excerpt, this encouraged me to publish it despite the fact that no one else wanted too at the time. But yesss, it’s like one opportunity led to the next. Most ppl don’t know that I’ve been a part time artist with school, for the longest time I just pursued interests beyond what was ever expected for me. Even painting, that was a personal passion I did respite my non-art school lol. I’ve always believed in my passions tho. By the 2nd year of my Masters, I got invited to my school to lecture through a commission I did! It was funny and iconic cuz the school didn’t realize I was also one of their own students!!! Heheheeee Now I got a Masters degree and my resume veryyyyy long from all the extra interests I pursued and I’m still working so hard!!!!! Believing in myself, choosing to share, choosing to apply to any opportunity intuition guides me towards…. This validates the practices more now as I watch the seeds I planted at 15 growww, it’s a chain effect for sure. I’m only just getting started.

[what-even-is-thiss]

If you’re debating whether or not to get an MFA in writing here’s some points of interest from my experience.

If your only goal is to get published you don’t need the degree if you don’t want it. There’s ways to meet people and contact agents and self publish outside of the types of connections and knowledge you’ll get from a masters degree

If you want to teach creative writing in North America it’s technically possible to get a job without a masters but it’s extremely difficult. There’s also usually an opportunity to get practical teaching experience in the MFA program.

It’s difficult to get in these programs because the classes are usually really tiny. My program only admits 6 people a year. It’s also expensive to apply but once you get in they usually have funding available to you through work.

Making connections with other writers is a huge reason to get in a writing program. You often get the opportunity to meet visiting writers in addition to your classmates and professors. Socializing with people is actually a really important part of most arts educations. It gives you a support system of people in the industry and some people to hopefully write blurbs for your books

A lot of the work done in academia is literary writing. There’s still a potential place for you if you write genre fiction and people will likely support you in that but it’s an important thing to keep in mind.

Some schools might try to push you towards adapting a particular sort of style or mostly pick people or have faculty with a certain style. Other schools will generally have a more diverse array of types of writers and not have a distinctive style. Neither of these things is inherently better but it is something to think about when asking questions and investigating. I purposefully applied to schools with diverse and different types of work coming out of them.

If you just want a degree or don’t want to move a low residency MFA is probably the choice for you. Those are mostly online and you generally visit campus in person once or twice a year. High residency MFAs are the ones where you live and work there and are a full time student. These are generally either one or two year programs. The length of program you want depends on you and what you want out of the program. I chose a three year program because I wanted to take more classes.

You get a lot of unstructured time to write even when you’re working. If that’s important to you it might be a good place to figure out your process. It’s a lot of work but you usually decide how much you get out of it and how much work you get done.

You may be expected to teach or TA classes, give public readings of your work, or give presentations to your classes. It’s not a degree free of public speaking.

If you want to get experience in publishing a lot of masters programs run literary magazines or have relationships with local magazines and publishers you can get involved with. If you’re interested in this that’s something to look into when deciding what schools to apply to

[bigtreefest]

Hi Essie!

I was just reading your post on your application and this is just a thought -- you don't have to respond at all if you don't like this idea!! this idea is purely my CPH4 brain talking I swear I have nothing to do with this lol

So, a young man (okay maybe not so young he was born four years ahead of you according to his page in the uni website ) with some very serious frowning becomes your thesis supervisor at the end of the term. He taught one lesson that you attended and you didn't know him very well besides his name. He rarely speaks, always listening to your presentation/answer, and very occasionally asking "do you have any questions for me?"

Nevertheless, you have impressive GPA and at the end of that term, you decided to apply for a PhD. You already have two letters of recommendation, one from a professor that you have known for two years during your Master's, one from a professor that supervised your Bachelor thesis and teaching a few courses that you attended.

But this damn Graduate School that you want to get in requires THREE. THREE FUCKING RECOMMENDATION LETTERS. And it specifically requires the letter from your dissertation supervisors.

You ask, not with much hope, your current supervisor, the lecturer with a very serious frowning look on his face, whether he could provide you a letter of recommendation.

To which he responded, texting back in a matter of seconds.

-Ofc. When do you need it? Send your transcripts btw.

NOW, the question is: Is he

or

or

----I just thought it'd be hilarious if he's very serious during class and meetings while he's basically any 20-somethings when texting you and discussing things that he shouldn't be sharing with you (like the content of your recommendation letter, or the fact that three recommendation letters is absolutely worthless even though he's providing one for you, or that because another professor is cranky and possibly stealing work from their students, you def shouldn't be choosing him as your doctor supervisor)

Oh I absolutely adore this ask! Thank you so much for sending this in, I unfortunately know the hierarchy of academia too well which is why I honestly think I would be rolling my eyes at these standards, too. I took the prompt and ran with it. 😂

I wanna talk about the other two options before I get to my choice. All below the cut bc it’s long.

Let’s discuss Ari:

Throughout Ari’s undergrad degree, he played football and was greatly interested in world policies, so everyone thought once his sports career and degree was over, he’d be ready to get out there. Nope. He really wasn’t sure where to start, so instead, he decided to keep going with schooling.

His grades were just good enough for him to get into the program you were applying to now. Varsity athletics looked great on the application and his charm was the extra boost. Now that he’s in it though, it’s been almost seven years instead of the usual four to five. Part of it is him going in without much of a plan, wanting to try every avenue, while the other is him just not caring enough to push further and just finish the degree. He’s getting paid just enough to get by and no one has threatened to kick him out, so he enjoys the coasting and the free time it gives for him to look into his actual passions.

Part of the PhD program is all of the grad students sitting in a room grading exams of undergrads every few weeks, and during this, Ari really shows his personality. They have to sit there for hours on end, and it can get boring, so Ari will tell stories to the kid next to him to pass the time, except the room is so quiet that everyone hears. These will range from the various dates with odd girls, to that time he saw a video of someone cooking salmon in the dishwasher, so he tried it out. “It was pretty decent. I swear it’s Kosher! I would do it again if it didn’t take so long.”

Any time he gets trusted to teach, which is rare since his advisor doesn’t really want it in order to guarantee the kids are being taught correct content, questions are not answered very well. It’s either with a “hell if I know. Use google. That’s how they do it in the real world.” Or “wait for the professor to get back. This isn’t my expertise.” Both technically valid, but not what a younger student wants to hear from someone in a position of authority.

Star Student Steve:

Steve was born for upper-level studies. He’s been ready to graduate essentially since getting into the program, knowing exactly what he wanted to research right off the bat. He knows all the content well and is well-liked by students and professors alike. The undergrads have a habit of ogling him and crowding his office hours, so you never even bothered to go. Pending his early graduation, he’s already been offered a job at the university with a full federal research grant, which he could use to travel or gain equipment for his projects. He’s probably considering this, unless one of the prime companies/agencies gives him a better offer. He can’t wait for the opportunity to make new rules and discoveries in the field, just needs to find the best route to get him there. (Talk about a CPH4 brain, haha)

With all of this going on, though, he doesn’t have time for much else. Sure, he’s very kind, but he’s always on the move. Students are not his first priority right now if he wants everything in place to be successful and make history. When it comes to picking an advisor, everyone wants Steve, but after hearing all that, and the standard he might hold you to without giving you the time of day to reach that level, do you really want him?

My wonderful choice Curtis:

(Even before I saw my options, this description was screaming ‘Curtis’ to me.)

He’s definitely the kind of silent student who puts his head down and does his work because it’s difficult stuff. Some may say it’s even more difficult than Steve’s if they knew what Curtis actually did, but he’s so silent and keeps it to himself unless he’s asked. It’s not because he doesn’t want to share, it’s more because when he’s interacting with students, he understands his job is to help them first and foremost. Although Curtis may have been busy, he never rushed and made sure his full attention was on the task or person at hand.

All the Professors know Curtis and really like him for his work ethic and ability to maintain balance and remain a grounded person, except he’s just not a poster boy like Steve. For this reason, his advisor trusts him enough to teach certain classes since Curtis parses out his time well and not only knows the content, but cares about it deeply. At the end of his lectures, though, when he asks for questions, it’s radio silence. Perhaps it’s because he taught the material so well, but even Steve and Ari get the odd question about their research or last Sunday’s football game. Curtis gets disinterested stares until he dismisses everyone. Office hours are pretty quiet, too, until right around exam time when a few students come to him for help since everywhere else was so full. After seeing how helpful he is, yourself included, they keep going back to him, keeping it to themselves, though, keeping him their hidden secret gem.

The lack of recognition Curtis gets is a shame, though, because he’s so nice. Actually, not just nice, but genuinely kind. When you were assigned with him as your advisor, you weren’t really sure what to do. Not many talked about him and the stoic demeanor was a little intimidating, until you actually spoke with each other. He was so sweet and engaged, asking you questions and providing guidance not only on what he thought might work the best, but how to go about it and how to properly convey ideas to the committee panel members at the end. He gave you his phone number, too, in case you needed any help at all, saying he’d pick up anytime.

When you asked him for your letter of recommendation, he was elated. “No one has ever come to me for that before, but ofc. When do you need it? Send your transcripts btw. And your resume.”

Curtis was right, though, he had never had to be the voice of authority vouching on someone’s behalf since up until this point, he was in your exact shoes. “Don’t be nervous to ask questions, but I also don’t want you to think that I’ve got all the answers and you’re not good enough. The only difference between you and me academically is like four classes content-wise. I just have more hands-on experience.” He said it with a soft, reassuring smile that really put you at ease.

He’s aware of the system, and of course he hates it, because he knows what it’s like to be at the bottom. Throughout his time putting together your recommendation, he’s messaging you with updates. “I’m going to add this because they really like to see it specifically highlighted,” or “I’m not even sure what they’re asking here, but it’s fucking stupid if you ask me. Conventions like this are ridiculous. I hate that these decisions are made by people who aren’t even on the ground. If they actually took part in this program, they’d see you’re more than qualified to get into it. But no, for some reason, all important decisions are made by old people so far removed from actual work.”

That second one was in person, though. It wouldn’t look good to have him saying those things in writing. He rolls his eyes before switching back to his reassuring, charming self.

“Anyway, don’t worry. I’ll make sure it’s good.”

And then as he sits down to write, he constantly sends you lines from it. “Does this sound too braggy? Am I hyping up your work too much? I feel like it wouldn’t be fair if I was casual about it, but we’re rocking with a lot of enthusiasm right now and idk where the line is where it’ll seem insincere.😅”

You tend to hang around Curtis a lot while you’re working on finishing up. On small work breaks, he tells you about the weird little things the other PhD students have sent to his email. “I’m what, four years older than you? And so are these other guys, but I swear they act like they’re twelve.” It helps you to laugh at his small little complaints in a time of building stress. He lets you into his life and you see he’s a normal person, just a few years older than you. He’s the whole reason you know about Ari and the dishwasher salmon, and he helps to break down the barriers you feel against everyone in his program that seems to know so much. Half of your conversation is weird everyday things about his life you’re sure no one else has given him the space to talk about. “You texted me while I was watching the hockey game, they were losing anyway so I was grateful to do something else.” He was in the city…at the actual hockey game…drinking a beer and scrolling emails…. Or “my apartment has a no pet policy, but my roommate got a cat, so I hope you don’t mind the little guy joining us today. Just while the landlord does some maintenance so we don’t get kicked out.” He’s half shuffling through the papers on his desk, half giving you an amused smile thinking of the whole situation. Of course, it can’t all be personal, though, so he continues to sprinkle advice in here and there.

“Also, if you wanna keep your sanity around here, keep away from Levinson’s advisor. Not only is he just straight-up a ridiculous man, but he won’t push you if he likes you. And if he hates you, you’ll know it a mile away. That’s why I never chose him for my committee meeting.”

As you prepare to defend your thesis, Curtis is sitting with you in the hallway. He’s been prepping you for this presentation for weeks, but for peace of mind, he asks you potential questions as you wait to be called in. He holds a paper copy of your thesis, saying once again “you’ve got this. Just like the rehearsals. No one knows this stuff better than you. Show them that.” As you stand in front of the small crowd, he gives you a thumbs-up and watches with approving nods as your blow it out of the water.

He gives you a big hug when you pass and an even bigger hug when you stop by the small TA office and visit his desk to tell him about your official spot in the PhD program. “I can’t wait to work together more with you. You’re going to do great things, I know it, and I’m proud to be a part of it.”

[honeekyuu]

hi honey! im sending this to ask you how you decided that you wanted to pursue a PHD. im thinking of getting a phd in economics because I’ve always been super interested, but im not sure if that’s the path for me yet. what do you think are some pros and cons to getting one and how did you know that this was the right path for you??

-b.

hi!!! omg wow what a question. i will say first that everyones phd experience looks a little different, so i can talk ab mine but definitely take it with a grain of salt!!

i knew i wanted to do a phd because 1) i love being in school, and 2) while i was getting my B.A in linguistics, i had a lot of questions that were higher level and more specific than my undergrad classes could really get into. I also worked as a research assistant to a professor in the East Asian Languages and Civilizations dept for about 3 years, and she was my closest mentor and advisor in that time. she was a korean historian, and she encouraged me to keep studying something related to korean, because that had been my specialization of sorts when it came to choosing classes and research projects. i had a feeling around that time that i wanted to go on to a graduate program of some sort.

after i finished undergrad, i took a year off to figure my life out, and in that time, i worked one on one with a professor in the Linguistics dept at my undergrad for about 9-10 months. under her guidance, i wrote what would have essentially been a masters thesis about korean linguistics, and i knew in that time that i wanted that paper to be the paper i submitted to phd programs.

i think there are a few things to consider when thinking ab a phd:

phds are extremely individual research focused. my program doesnt offer a terminal master's degree (it's included within the phd program as a milestone), but phds are NOT like "undergrad 2.0". ive seen a number of people make that mistake in my program, focusing only on coursework and waiting for their advisor to give them research to do. im not sure how econ works, but in ling, we're thrown straight off the deep end into research. im only a 3rd year, and my master's degree research project was accepted into the top korean linguistics conference in the world, which is 100% a FLEX but also this is only happening because my advisors are cutthroat research gods who pushed pushed pushed me from the very first day. so please be aware that phds are very self-driven. you need the motivation to work on your own for long periods of time.

some people think a phd is a lonely experience. i think it certainly can be, because everyone is working on their own hyper-specific research project, but it's also very important for that reason to have friends. my closest friend in the department is 3 years above me, and we only became friends because i arrived screaming crying throwing up with fear and anxiety ab my work and he literally clocked me as the kid who needed the most emotional grounding LMAO. my other closest friend was literally my research assistant. he was an undergrad. but he was my age (korean military service delays college quite a lot, it seems), so once his contract w me was up, it turned into us helping him apply for grad schools too!! and now the four of us (them + my partner) have weekly stardew valley screaming sessions on discord and saturday brunch with animal crossing. it's not lonely, and i think that's because i knew it would be if i didnt make friends.

i think ill say one more thing before i stfu. grad school is hard. it's so so hard. please be aware of that. some days im drowning in mental health issues and fearing even a chance encounter in the hall with my advisors because i know theyll ask about something i havent gotten done yet. sometimes im literally sobbing on my couch, overwhelmed beyond belief wondering if i can do this. sometimes i become self-destructive and isolated and so terribly unwell that my mom starts calling my partner because i wont pick up the phone. it's fucking hard. but it's also the happiest ive ever been, truly. the really really hard days are worth it, because the really good days or even just the decently good days are much more frequent and amazing. running down the hall to avoid my advisor seeing me is worth it because, when things are good, he invites me to coffee and we spend 2+ hours talking about my future. he tells me he pushes me because he knows i can do what needs to be done and change the field. he makes my life hell because, once im through it, no one else could ever question the quality of my work and the job market is going to be so beautiful once i get there. i started grad school a nervous wreck with terribly low self-esteem who thought that my research could never cut it or be interesting enough. im barely going into my 3rd year, and ive been broken down and reformed into the kind of person i used to look up to, by my own sheer willpower to be the strongest i can be. im not afraid to fail anymore, because ive failed a million times in the last 2 years. im not afraid to fuck up, because ive fucked up so many times, in front of the two people who hold my future in their hands, and im still here. grad school is worth it to me because im the version of myself that the me from undergrad would never believe exists.

[qqueenofhades]

Okay. So. I have a question about academia and completely understand if you’d rather set this one aside. It’s a bit of a long-winded one on my part.

I started a masters program abroad last fall but had to leave after the first term because of serious illness (compounded by homesickness and burnout of course of course). I’m so happy that I made that decision, despite it grating against everything I have been telling myself for years about what it takes to live a fulfilling life. In truth, my illness revealed that I’d thrown myself deeper into academia for the wrong reasons. I’m grateful to have that insight now.

However, I’ve also gained a lot of new insight now that I’ve been working a normal office job for several months now. It’s a good job, maybe a little too disorganized on the leadership side, but the pay is good and my supervisor is great.

But I’m also really missing my research and classroom discussions and academic library access. If I give grad school another try, I wont be filling out any apps until next winter. I definitely can recognize I need more time (plus I have an idea for a research paper that I’d love to use as a writing sample — my research interests shifted A LOT in the one semester I spent in school).

Of course, that’s also nerve-wracking, considering how poorly I handled grad school the first time around. In addition to that, there’s the frustration with how academia is treated both internally and externally, as well as the fact that the job market for professors is just.. not great.

All of this is to say, what would you tell a grad-school-dropout who’s thinking about making a comeback? Is it worth the money, the time, the job insecurity once the PhD is hanging on the wall?

Thanks so much for taking the time (and congrats on the new bed!!) <3

Welp. Hmm. As ever, I both deeply sympathize with your desire to return to academia and also want to stand on your shoulder as a little Kronk shoulder angel (and/or devil) going BUT ARE YOU SURE???

(Yes, as the most pathologically Eternal Academite possibly to ever, I have zero ability to tell anyone else not to do it, but just picture me as a Greek chorus of worms standing on the passage as your ship sails in, spookily singing BEEEEEEEEWARE.)

As you note, you have a reasonably fulfilling setup now, you're making decent-ish money (surely more than you would make as an academic, BUT LET US NOT TALK ABOUT THAT) and you crashed and burned the last time you tried grad school. Now, that is not a reason NOT to do it again, since as you point out, things have changed, you're in a better place, you know what you want out of the experience, you changed research interests, etc. All of that means that yes, it is possible that you can rejigger yourself and try again, but I would definitely advise taking it very carefully.

First of all, don't apply for a masters-to-PhD program directly, as that will put more pressure on you and lead to the feeling that you HAVE to finish it if you've applied for the terminal degree. Apply for a master's program in your new field, check out flexible or part-time options for attendance, see what the financial aid is like (I have by far the most student debt from my master's degree, not my BA or PhD, which is... not great) and everything else to see how you can best ease yourself back in and make sure that you haven't committed too much money, time, and irreversible changes if it all goes FUBAR again. Trust me, I KNOW that deep deep yearning for research, academic credentials, and library database logins; witness me singing to the heavens when I got this job and LO, ALL MY BELOVED ELECTRONIC JOURNALS RETURNED TO ME, I HAVE WANDERED IN THE DESERT. I'm researching a new book chapter now, 18 months-ish later, and I still get drunk with power over being able to JUST OPEN FULL TEXT PDFS and USE A UNIVERSITY LIBRARY TO ORDER OBSCURE ACADEMIC BOOKS. It really does just tickle some deep KNOWLIDGE!!! button in your brain, and I get it. I really very much do. So yes, if you still feel that itch despite all the Horrors of last time, it might be worth following up.

I would not recommend uprooting your entire life again to go somewhere else, unless you get a really gangbusters financial-aid offer and/or there's some compelling reason that makes it worthwhile. There may be a school nearer you that offers what you want and which may allow you to stay in your current place and work at your current job, even part-time. Or there might be an online option; plenty of reputable name-brand schools are expanding into online programs, so it's not just scammy diploma mills and the University of Phoenix in that arena. If you want to have the traditional campus in-person experience and don't feel as if a virtual degree is bang for your buck, that is something else to consider, but yes: do take it carefully, apply for only the master's first (as I have said before, if you can be happy doing anything other than a PhD especially in the humanities, please do that), see what your part-time options are, don't rush, reach out to faculty at some potential schools, reach out to the financial aid department, generally do your homework and make sure it feels right. I'm absolutely not going to say don't do it, since as noted that would make me a blazing hypocrite. Just take the hard-earned lessons of last time and put them to careful and thoughtful use, and I'm sure you'll discover what's best for you.

Good luck!

[maitressonneurs]

A Fairytale

Lady Lesso x fem!reader

A:n : Hello guys ! Here it is my first fanfic about Lady Leonora Lesso (the one and only). Hope y'all enjoy this !

English is'nt my first language, sorry for the errors.

Warnings : none, just slow burn like we all like, no smut for this one xox

______________________________________________________________

You were teacher at The School for Good and Evil. It's been yet severe years that Rafal had controled the young Sophie and her friend, Agatha, saved the school and it's members. You came right after the incident, applying for the botanic course. The post was already taken yet so the School Master offered you a new role, the art professor. You were a bit confused at first. You suspected the old man for creating this new post to keep you in the school, knowing your talent to discuss with students about their feelings. It does'nt deplease you, quite the opposite actually, you waited impatiently your return among your fellow heroes.  

Before going back to your little village, you get of your way by passing by the Academy. Obviously, you joined The School for Good and Evil, under the supervision of an other professor that Clarisse Dovey, who were a student back then. You had friends, like anyone else. You fell also in love, like anyone else. But you heart was attracted by the famous Cruella De Vil, who did'nt like anything else except the fashion industry and dalmatians. You tried to catch her attention during three years by changing your style and studying the last trends, to talk with her about it when you met her at the canteen.

You understood your love was one-sided when, during the winter ball, she confimed it. After you greased the palm of a teacher by offering him help to clean his office, you were authorised to come in. At first, you were ill at ease to find yourself surrounded by all these different people. Then after a few glassses of punch, your anxiety was gone at the same time as your sobriety. You had fun swirling through the most known Evils on heavy metal. You were laughing heartily at Captain Hook's jokes when a hand layed on your shoulder. You turned over to see the woman of your desires standing behind you, a fist on her hip. She frowned, hiding her beautiful black and white make-up. It smelled like trouble.

-Hi Ella, you giggled seeing the beauty.

-Y/N, we need to talk.

-Sure !

You catched her hand in yours while dragging her behind the curtains.

-Are you drunk ? she realised.

-Yeah, I was so stressed by finding myself here.

-What on earth are you doing ? You are no supposed to be here...

-I wanted to see what's like here !

-To do what ? You have your own ball.

-But you're not invited to mine ! I wanted to tell you something top secret and super embarassing. So there I am !

-What's your secret ? she suddenly was very interested by the conversations. She finded you funny.

-You will never believe me but I'm in love with you ! That's stupid, right ?

-You're... in love with me ?

-Ridiculous, isn't it ?

-Absolutley Y/N ! I hope that's another of your strange jokes. You're an Ever and I'm a Never, that's just impossible. And I also don't share your... feelings.

You sobered up quickly. Your heart missed a beat. An Ever get a knock back by a Never. Old habits die hard.

-Cool... Right, where the only two words you said before disppeared from the ball.

You ran through the hallways, teardrowps running down your cheeks. Your heart was broken in two. You kept going, passing over the rooms. Your steps led you outside. You needed fresh air. You sat nearby the lake in the vast garden. You cried a lot. You only heard your heart-rending sob into the dark night. Through the last tears, you took a moment to observe your surroudings. It was your first time going out during the night, under the moonlight. The white crescent reflected on the dark waters of the lake, enhancing the pretty lilypads flourishing at the surface, offering a shelter for the singing little tee frogs. For you. They sang for you, expressing your sadness. A soft breeze swept the last salty tears away from your cheeks. You closed your eyes while taking a deep breath, enjoying the peacfull environment.

Ten years later, here you are again, sat in the grass, listening to the frogs croaking their heart out under the moon. The wind blew in your hair, not your tears anymore.

After this bad ending, you had deceided to concentrate only in your studies. You began by isolating yourself more often, losing a lot of your old friends, fearing to be hurt again. You could have been the princess in all the tales, who get married with her prince charming. You were made for it. You used to be the kindest with a pretty smile. But it was gone. You became the shadow of yourself, erring in the library, searching for a new book to read. You offsetted your solitude by learning new stuffs. You were the model student by only taking notes and asking questions. No one saw you again in the cafetaria, where you used to be the most. Your friends noticed this radical change. The rumor you get turned down by Cruella went around the school. You knew exactly where it came from. Cruella wasn't the kind of person to keep her adventures for herself.

You were entitled to these disparaging looks from the other Evers, who didn't understand how you could fall in love with a Never. According to some, it was to receive attention. You defended yourself at the beginning, faced with these accusations. Then, as time passed, you let the Evers' remarks pass over you, no longer bothering to even glance at them. The reaction of the Nevers was not very different in a sense. Your locker and the door to your room had been sprayed with degrading insults about you. You found yourself pushed around, cornered in the corridors by groups of Nevers, who were making fun of you. It was all difficult to deal with but you were doing pretty well until you saw Cruella laughing her head off as she threw you a ball of paper. Until then, you sincerely thought that she still considered you as her friend, but your beliefs quickly fell apart when you unfolded the sheet of paper which contained a drunken caricature of you at the Nevers ball grotesquely declaring your attraction to her.

It was only the only class in common with the Nevers, so you thought you would worry less about it, unfortunately, it was even worse. The Professor snatched the drawing from your hands and looked at it for a long time before showing it to the whole class, asking who had drawn this. No one denounced themselves and screams came from every corner. You didn't have the heart to tell off your friend. Even though you were dead inside, you didn't want her to feel the same way you did. Nobody deserves this.

Obviously, the director was made aware of the situation. The educational team tried to put solutions in place. But none really worked. You endured all the sorrows of the world until the end. When you finished your years, two choices were available to you: return to your rotten little village or live a fairy tale.

When you returned, the Grand Master asked you if it was a good idea to come back to this place that had caused you so much suffering. You smiled at him frankly, explaining that it was the past, that there was no one left from that distant era in the establishment and that you had inquired before applying. You also said that you didn't want any more students to suffer the same abuse and that the best way to deal with it was to deal with this type of thing yourself. It was probably this part that appealed to him the most about your application.

-Professor L/N? What are you doing out so late? A student's voice brought you out of your memories, making you turn your head towards him. You knew him well, he was a regular at school time. Even though he was an Ever, that didn't stop him from making a mess wherever he went. Professor Dovey said it was a repressed Never, you argued that it was his way of expressing himself.

-I contemplate the beauty of nature, Arthur. I could ask you the same thing but I know very well that you are going to tell me about it, so please sit here, you patted the grass next to you, inviting him to sit down.

-I don't really know how to talk about it so I went taking a little walk outside, see, and then I saw you all alone so I said to myself: why not talk about it with Professor L/N. She is there for us. And so here I am.

-Come to the point Arthur. You shouldn't be here, it's already well past curfew, so if you don't want to get caught by other teachers, get to the point, you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. Normally your work hours ended at the sunset but you couldn't say no to these faces.

-Yeah, sorry ma'am. In fact, I'm… I fell in love and I don't really know how to say it without making a fool of myself, you see?

-How long do you have it on your heart?

-Oh, it must have been, I don’t know, it must have been two months. At first, you see, I thought that I just considered him as a friend then I realized that well, hm no… it's embarrassing to say but like, I imagined him trying to rolling around while caressing me-

-Thank you Arthur, no need to detail so much. Just saying you realized you liked boys is no big deal, you know, it's nature.

-Yeah but… I don't think I like girls… Like, you're very beautiful and everything, I'm not saying the opposite eh, but it just doesn't match, see? And it's weird deep down because I always believed that I would be a prince charming, like my father was. I think I'm a little afraid of that… I'm afraid of not being loved anymore because I like guys. And I can't talk about that with others, I have the impression that they wouldn't understand. I don't know what to do, because I want to tell everyone but also keep it to myself like… I don't know.

-It's normal to ask questions about who we are, about what we will become, to link reality with our dreams. It’s also normal to be afraid. We don't know the people we meet deeply enough to be sure of their reaction, and fortunately you are afraid to talk about it, you are afraid that their outlook will change and since you consider them your friends, it's hard to think that they can leave at any time because of who you are. But if they're really meant for you, they won't let you down, ever. And that’s what’s wonderful about friendship. It’s taking risks to get closer and closer to others, in the hope that they will one day return it. And we are made like that, Ever or Never, magical or not. We are made to be loved and to love in return. So if you feel it, talk about it, it's the best way to have answers.

-You are an old soul, Professor. I've never heard so well spoken of in my life, I swore.

-You make me laugh, Arthur. Now that I have listened to you, will you do the same and go to bed?

-But I still don’t know if I should confess my crush to him!

-The night door advises, young prince, rest, talk to your friends, listen to them but not too much then make your decision, that's all I will tell you this evening. Come on, damn! you gently shook him off with the back of your hand.

-Thank you Professor L/N, you are the best! he stood up, a big smile on his lips.

-Go away, little brat, and don't let me catch you hanging out of your room again at night! you made him a sign and returned to contemplating the spectacle in front of you. You were a short sleeper, not needing many hours of sleep to be in good shape the next day. However, tomorrow was a big day, you were going to take care of the ball with other teachers which will take place in a month. It was a big first for you, you kept bad memories of the last one in which you participated. But you wanted to move on, to someone else, actually. A certain Never redhead had caught your eye from the first day, and you couldn't stop thinking about her since the beginning of this year. You had a good summer vacation, having gone on a trip with other of your colleagues, including Clarisse Dovey, a great friend since you returned to the Academy. You had invited Leonora Lesso to join you but she had claimed important work that could not be postponed. Clarisse explained to you later that Lesso never took part in these kinds of outings, still having difficulty adapting to the Never Ever mixity.

That didn't stop you from sending her postcards every two days to tell her about your days and show her everything she was missing by wanting to lock herself in her office for such beautiful months. She had, of course, never responded to you. You expected no less from her, but you hoped, during these two months, to receive even a simple piece of news, reassuring you that she was still alive. Dovey had noticed your daily trips from the mailbox to the vacation home but also the letters you sent regularly. At first, she didn't care, but seeing that you weren't letting go, she wanted to talk to you about it. You beat around the bush every time she came to discuss it, at the table, or when you were enjoying the sun.

One evening, towards the end of the holidays, a big party was organized in the lodge. You had danced all evening, drinking multiple martinis. When a quieter song played, you went to sit on a chair to catch your breath. Clarisse finally joined you a few moments later, handing you a glass of water, which you swallowed in one gulp.

-Ask me your question, Cla, I promise to finally answer it.

-Are you sure ? You're a little drunk so I don't want you to regret it.

-Yeah, go ahead, otherwise you'll have a heart attack.

-Who are you sending all these letters to?

-To Leonora.

-No way! she made her eyes wide, smiling fully. “La Leonora, our Lesso?”

-Don’t make fun of me, please, you looked at your empty glass, smiling softly.

-It’s not my thing, you know that. So you are…

-In love, yeah, you finished his sentence, biting your lip, cheeks red.

-But it’s great Y/N! she yelled, shaking your shoulders.

-It depends on who, you laughed, shrugging your shoulders. “She still hasn’t responded to me since the start of the vacation so I really think it’s dead.”

-No. You know Lesso. She has too much ego to do anything nice, especially to an Ever. But I think, no, I'm sure it pleases her, even if she doesn't know how to handle so much attention. The last time, it was with Rafal and she was really disappointed…

-She told me about it, not the part where she was disappointed but I understood it well, it's just that, since my misadventure, I don't really know which way to think anymore.

-You must stop overthinking, Y/N, otherwise you will never get through it darling, I assure you, words of Fairy Godmother.

-I believe you, Clarisse, I believe you…

-Stop moping, come dance, it’s my favorite song, she said, pulling your hand.

-You've been saying that since the beginning of the evening!

-Um, probably, but at the same time, the playlist is incredible!

-You did it, you laughed, letting yourself be carried away.

-All the more reason to dance, come on!

The end of the stay went well. Clarisse kept making allusions to Lesso in the presence of the other teachers without revealing your crush for the redhead, luckily for you. When you returned to the Academy, you were so busy preparing your classes for the start of the school year and reading student files, even those you already knew, that you didn't really have the opportunity to talk at length with Lesso . You saw her from time to time, during breaks at the coffee machine, but that was all. She didn't try to come and talk to you either, even if it meant disturbing you during your work, which tugged at your heart, thinking that she would come and chat at least after all the letters sent. Since no discussion had started on her part, you left her alone. It was a cold shower, you who had been making films all summer after your return, you were clearly disappointed by her non-reaction. The flashbacks of your last attempt came back to your mind regularly and your isolation mechanism came back into place. But Dovey didn't see it that way by forcing you to help organize the ball, which you accepted, not reluctantly because you liked taking care of that kind of thing, but rather because you had to see people and that didn't enchant you.

You were working in your office on the next class. You had planned to do some painting outside but it was pouring rain, at least that was what the weather forecast said. So you were thinking about a replacement activity but nothing came to mind. You felt like you lacked inspiration for everything. Nothing made you want to paint or draw. No play seemed interesting to you to learn. The clay did not meet your expectations. And finally, the last writing assignment you asked your students was beyond mediocre and the results made you want to vomit. You had been digging through books for more than two hours now to get even an ounce of idea but nothing. Infinite nothingness.

-Y/N, excuse me for disturbing you but we need to talk about planning the ball.

-Oh, sure, what time is it? you looked up when you heard Emma Anemone. She pulled out a chair and sat down in front of your messy desk, littered with papers, sketches and books of all kinds.

-Learning about beauty, why do you read this kind of thing? she frowned as she grabbed the first book.

-Because I have no idea for my class tomorrow. I'm starting to no longer know where to go.

-But Y/N, tomorrow is Saturday! laughed the Professor. “We don’t have class!”

-Is it Friday? you stopped writing on a post it and raised your head. “But that means we have a prom meeting happening in a week! My god, what time is it?”

-It's six o'clock in the evening. The meeting started an hour ago, that’s why I came to pick you up.

-Oh my, I was so deep in my research that I lost track of time, you stammered, opening a drawer with a folder containing all your notes for organizing the ball.

-You're not the only one, it seems that Leonora caught the same illness as you, mocked Emma.

You nodded then headed towards the room where the meeting was taking place. You apologized flatly and sat down next to your friend before trying to resume the thread of the discussion.

-We were talking about the buffet, Clarisse whispered in your ear.

-Thank you, you smiled at her, placing your hand on her thigh. You had both gotten used to being quite tactile in each other's company.

-What do you think, Y/N? asked Lesso, who hadn't said anything since she arrived at the same time as you. You turned to her, not really understanding why she was asking you the question. You rummaged through your notes before clearing your throat.

-So… I noted that it would be essential to have vegan and anti-allergic meals. Otherwise, tapas are easier to eat. I don't really see what to add, we had already talked about it and everyone agreed, if I remember correctly, you conclude by putting your hand back where it was, having removed it when you spoke.

-I think Y/N said everything, does anyone have anything to add? No ? Well, we can move on to the next item: drinks, the School Master redirected, checking a box on the board behind him.

You listened attentively to the discussions going well. You had the same debate about whether to add alcoholic drinks or not last week. Mechanically and to kill the boredom that was growing deep within you, your fingers made small circles on your friend's leg.

-Y/N? What do you think ? Since you have easy contact with the students, what did they say? Lesso called out to you, tapping the table with his fingertips. She stared at you, waiting for you to respond.

-Um, I haven't really had the chance to talk about it with them. It’s not really what they come to talk to me about, actually. But if you ask me, I think it won't hurt them to drink a little, at least for those who want it. If we ban it, some people will drink it anyway. We all know that if it is prohibited, students will tend to want to go against our rules. So I prefer it to be controlled and than they don't have an alcoholic coma in their corner, you shrugged your shoulders, feeling like you were repeating the same thing for the tenth time in a month. It was driving you crazy.

-I feel like I've heard this speech before, Dovey whispered in your ear. You chuckled and moved closer to her.

-Don't talk to me about it, I'm going to become a doting old woman if this continues, you huffed. She began to laugh softly, hiding her mouth behind her hand.

-If so, you already are, she added. Your mouth turned into a silent O and a fake look of vexation appeared on your face.

-Hmm, excuse me but you are indeed the oldest between the two of us, so I think that the one who will become an old woman is definitely you, you pointed your index finger in her direction then planted it on her chest.

-Call me an old fossil while you're at it.

-I was hesitant to do it but since you offered it so kindly, I'm not going to hold back in this case…, you were about to continue when the Grand Master spoke again.

-The teams are formed, I'm counting on you to have everything ready for next Friday. I thank you for your attention and release you, he finished, spreading his arms.

You watched as everyone stood up and headed towards their pair, not knowing who you were with. You turned to Clarisse to ask her, but she was in deep discussion with Emma. Your eyes scanned the room, to see who was alone. Two gray peepers met your gaze. Shit.

-Y/N, you look extremely lost, are you okay? a Professor asked you.

-No, I don't know who I'm with.

-With Lesso, she was even the one who suggested it.

-Ah, was the only word you could get out. Leonora asked to work with you?

-You don't seem happy to be with me. Would you have preferred the beautiful dove? whispered a warm voice behind you.

-I'm delighted to work with you, Leonora, you replied, turning to her with a big smile. You could kill to make her talk to you like that any longer.

-Good because we have no choice. See you tomorrow morning to start thinking, in my office?

-Perfect, see you tomorrow, you didn't have time to finish your sentence as she was already gone. You exhaled, feeling like you had been in apnea while she was there. God, your heart was beating fast.

Seven thirty-three. This was the fifth time in four minutes that you looked at the clock, feeling like it was moving way too fast. You were used to sleeping in on Saturday mornings, but today was a different day. You were going to spend a long time, you hoped, in the company of Leonora Lesso, the object of your thoughts and that made you more than nervous.

You had run a lavender-scented bubble bath, lilac in color, with rose petals sprinkled on top. Pink and white candles surrounded your bathtub, being the only source of light in the bathroom with the mirror lamp in front of which you spread a brownish clay mask. While waiting for it to dry, you grabbed the note that Clarisse had written to you, found at the foot of your door this morning, when you woke up.

Don't let yourself get carried away by your stress, you will manage it ! I believe in you, tear it all up! - C.

You smirked a little when you read her note, warming your heart. You read it one last time before getting into your hot bath. The feeling of the water on your skin made you sigh with well-being. If it were up to you, you'd take baths every day, but unfortunately, days only lasted twenty-four hours, even in fairy tales, much to your chagrin. You played with a petal that brushed your shoulders, observing the ripples the water made when you moved slightly, making the foam move back and forth, like sea foam responding to the moon. You closed your eyes, taking advantage of the quiet moment to relax. Your hair tickled your neck as you cracked your neck slowly, to an imaginary rhythm. Your hands massaged your sore ankles and calves from the excursion organized in the forest by the Botany Professor, who had asked you to accompany him, which you had kindly accepted. After relieving your aches and pains, you use your sponge to rub your body and scent it with lavender.

Eight seven. You were out of the bath, letting the water run down the drain. With a towel around you, you put on your makeup as usual: a line of liner, lipstick and glitters, it was your guilty pleasure. You stood back and looked at yourself for a moment in front of the mirror. You liked the image you saw of yourself, making you smile with excitement. You looked like a fifteen year old going on her first date, and that idea made you happy.

On your bed, several outfits were lying. You looked over them, wondering which one was the most suitable. Remembering the day's weather, being confirmed by the gray clouds outside that were crying, you put away the two light dresses you had taken out. You now had the choice between a two-piece suit with a turtleneck or loose pants with a floral blouse. You opted for the second option. You didn't really have a reason to wear that outfit, your intuition taking precedence over reason. With your glasses on your nose, you checked yourself in the mirror, adjusting the ribbon in your hair before taking your bag, which you dragged with you everywhere, no matter the time of day.

It was nine o'clock when you knocked at Lesso's office, two coffees in hand. You waited patiently, hearing the heels move closer to where you were. A red head appeared as the door opened. You sent her your best smile as you entered, not waiting for her agreement.

-Hello Nora, how are you? I got you a macchiato, you placed her goblet on her table, which you had decorated with the nickname you gave her followed by a sun. It was a habit you picked up on your days off.

-Hello Y/N, you look in good shape, you who are not used to waking up so early on a Saturday morning… she grabbed the coffee and took a sip, emitting a slight hum of contentment at the taste of her favorite coffee on her tongue. You didn't answer her, knowing full well that it was more of an observation than anything else, taking the opportunity to examine the room. You were starting to know it by heart, from spending time here. But small spots of color drew your gaze towards the back of the office. It was new. You approached it, sipping your latte. You almost choked when you recognized the postcards hanging on the cork board, once decorated with tables and formulas, which was now covered with your postcards. They were arranged by date, all present, alone on this large table. You marked this vision in your memory. A light blush blooms on your cheeks, accompanied by a soft smile. A feeling of relief spread throughout your body.

-I didn't have time to answer you but… thank you, Lesso's voice was heard behind you.

-I hope you didn't feel too oppressed by my cards, you laughed, turning away from the letters. “I was really sad that you couldn’t come with us, you know… I missed you a lot during these two months.”

-They made me feel a little less alone in this huge school, she shrugged, looking out the window. You nodded, enjoying this vision of her, contemplating the beauty of nature, her mind wandering over a whole bunch of thoughts that you wouldn't dare say you knew. This woman was a mystery to you. You could easily guess his emotions but that was all. Unlike Emma or Clarisse, who were open books, she was more difficult to pin down. It was one of the many things you liked about her.

-Do you know what we need to work on?

-You really didn't listen to anything the Grand Master spoke about?

-You know the answer, you smiled, making kitten eyes. “Would you please explain to me, Professor Lesso?”

-Good, she rolled her eyes, holding back a smile. “We must prepare the decoration of the reception room in relation to the chosen theme. Do you remember the theme, at least?”

-It's under the sea, if I remember it correctly.

-Well done Y/N, it seems like you were paying attention to at least something.

-Thank you, it took a lot of effort knowing that another person kept distracting me. Am I forgiven?

She sighed as she sat down behind her desk. You took a seat across from her, on the other side of the table, taking out your things and your notes. You quickly moved all your things to the floor, the desk was really too small to hold everything. Plus, you didn't know how to sit still and think, which made you constantly get up and sit down, driving Leonora crazy with your constant pacing. A picnic on the wooden slats, consisting of prepared sandwiches and coffee, served as lunch when twelve o'clock struck. You've been working on the project for a long time, new ideas blooming in your and your colleague's minds every fifteen minutes. You had difficulty at first setting limits and then, once they were established, things came together naturally.

-So, in your opinion, it would be more interesting to only put the lights in blue, and the rest of the decorative elements in white? It’s true that it’s interesting but-

-Wait, Nora, you have foam, you interrupted her by leaning towards her, both of you sitting on the floor. You wiped away the remaining milk foam that left a little white mustache above her lips. Your thumb gently stroked the top one as you focused on your task. You were close, very close. When you were finished, you looked back up at her eyes, who were staring at your own lips, mouth slightly parted. She was divine like that. If it were up to you, you would stop time forever in this position so you could contemplate it for the rest of your life. A furious desire to kiss her suddenly took hold of you. You cleared your throat then quickly stepped back, putting some distance between you. Your cheeks burned, like his.

-What were you saying, Leonora? you managed to articulate, trying to read what was written on the paper in front of you.

-That your idea of only putting the lights in blue to give the impression of being in the water was a very good idea. We can reuse decorations from previous years.

-That's what I was thinking when I suggested that, you avoided her gaze, your cheeks still red. “And so, do you think we should make one long table or several scattered around the room?”

-I had imagined lots of little circulars around the dance floor, she took out a plan that she had drawn, giving an image of what she had thought of. You leaned forward, to get a better overview of what she was offering.

-It’s a very good idea, but on the other hand, this one is too close to the toilets and this one to the buffet… you thought out loud. Lesso handed you a pencil. Your hands overlapped for a moment, making you shiver. Your gaze plunged into that of the redhead, engulfing you in her gray eyes, making you think of the clouds thundering outside, containing streaks of light that had attracted you since your childhood. Her fingers tenderly caressed your palm.

-Who are you planning to go to the ball with? she whispered, not wanting to disturb what was happening between you.

-I don't have anyone yet… Would you like to come with me? you offered, hearing your pounding in your ears.

-I thought you were never going to ask me, she smiled. You bit your lower lip as you slid towards her lips. Damn, how you would like to make her yours, right now. You placed a hand on her cheek. She leaned into your touch, closing her eyes. You moved even closer to her. Several dull knocks were heard. Someone was knocking on the door. You didn't have time to understand what was happening when Lesso was already opening it, greeting the intruder.

-Hi Lesso, hello Y/N, I came to see where you were in preparing the decorations for the ball, are you progressing well? Anemone entered the room, looking at your sketches and annotations.

-Hello Emma, everything is going well, we just finished the final plan, Leonora grunted. She didn't seem happy with the Professor's unexpected arrival.

-Excellent ! I go around each group to get an idea of the remaining work. I won't bother you anymore, see you Monday! she greeted you after you handed her a folder with the finished work.

-Okay, since we're done, it's time for me to leave, I think, you announced, picking up your bag and your empty coffee cup.

-It's getting late, I understand, replied the redhead, helping you pick up everything, checking that you hadn't forgotten anything.

-It’s been a trying day, hasn’t it? you looked at her, cheeks still pink from the interaction you had just had with her before Professor Anemone interrupted you. Your brain was going a hundred miles an hour. Would you have kissed if she hadn't come? Was Lesso expecting the same thing as you?

-Of course, but I really liked it, she looked away while playing with one of her rings.

-Me too. I too enjoyed working with you, you smiled at her as you walked towards the exit.

-We should do this more often, she added, following you. You didn’t want to leave and the way she was acting made you think the same thing. You leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. You watched her walk towards you.

-Do you already have an outfit planned?

-I was planning to wear a sky blue suit, why? she stopped a few centimeters from you. You could smell her vanilla scent.

-To be able to match it with my outfit, if we come together, I have to look perfect next to you, you pushed one of her red locks out of her face.

-Very good idea, she eyed you up and down. “I never told you this but, I really like this floral blouse you are wearing, it’s my favorite.”

You felt your cheeks redden and for a moment, time stopped. She moved her face closer to yours and placed a kiss on the corner of your lips.

-See you soon, Y/N, she closed the door in front of you.

You lay on your bed, feeling more nervous than ever. You replayed the day spent with Leonora over and over in your head. Your heart was beating wildly as you saw your lady approaching you again to kiss the corner of your mouth. This woman was going to have your death, and you were more than happy about it.

The week before the ball passed extremely quickly. The students weren't concentrating at all during class hours and neither were you. You were all chatting together about their clothes, who they invited, the general excitement throughout the school. Some went there as best friends, others hoped to be able to declare their love to their crush. You were part of this second part.

-And you, Professor L/N, who are you going with? Arthur asked, with a smirk.

-Oh yes ! the rest of the class responded in heart.

-With Professor Lesso, sorry Arthur, but the place is already taken, you sent him a wink while the whole class returned to lively discussions, each in their own corner. You moved closer to the boy, close enough that only he could hear you. “So, have you managed to talk about it with your friends?”

-Yes, thank you very much Professor, he gave you a brilliant smile. “Plus, he asked me to be his date to the ball, so I think it’s a good start!”

-Well done champion, you're going to tear it up, you ruffled his hair before trying to regain some calm before the end of the class. “Please, let’s try to do something with the small time we have left. Tomorrow is the big day, I know that only too well, but that doesn’t change the fact that we still have to work a little.”

Grunts of discontent were heard throughout the class, which diminished as soon as you announced a dance class for everyone, which pleased the students. In the corner of the room, a record player waited patiently for you to place a vinyl on it and start playing music.

-Miss Agnès, come and demonstrate with me, please.

-With pleasure Professor, a young lady walked up to you and took up position. You led the dance, making the girl's petticoats flutter around you. His comrades looked at you, amazed.

The end of the course went excellently. After the bell rang, some students remained in class to continue practicing. You had passed from hand to hand to perfect certain positions, but overall, everyone had done well. The sun was setting as the last student left, leaving you alone in the huge classroom, the music still playing. You began to hum the tune while letting yourself be carried away by the haunting music. You raised your hands above your head. You closed your eyes, letting your hand slide down your cheek, lowering it to your neck, tracing your skin. You rocked gently, almost tenderly. At the sound of your classroom door, you opened your eyes, searching for the cause.

-Hello my sweet, are you training one last time for tomorrow? Lesso began, having been unmasked. She stood in the doorway, leaning against it, a smile on her lips.

-Hello my crow, I don't want to disappoint you, above all, you gave her a wink as you approached her. You placed your hands on her hips.

-From what I've seen, I'll be the one who stands out, she admitted, looking into your eyes.

-How about we warm up together before the big day? Maybe you'll get to my ankle, if you're focused enough, you pull her by the waist, biting your bottom lip.

-That’s what we’re going to see, darling.

You stuck your tongue out at her as you went to put another vinyl on the turntable. A much sweeter song than the previous ones was heard in the classroom. You turned towards her, moving your hips in a way too provocative not to understand your little game. You were going to make her waltz, and in every sense of the word. You started dancing wildly, making each other waltz in all directions. You both had red cheeks but enough energy to continue this competition as a duo. It's been a while since the song was finished. It didn't seem to bother you that much, dancing to an imaginary rhythm silently agreed between you and Lesso. She had regained control of the dance. One of her hands was on your lower back, pulling you closer to her. You almost snuggled up to her, still giving her a challenging look with a sly smile. You circled your arms around her neck, making her lean towards you. Everything was calm around you. You didn't realize that your waltz had turned into a very slow slow dance, but incredibly intimate at the same time. She ran her fingers over your cheek, removing the few strands of hair that were obstructing your eyes.

-You are really beautiful… she breathed, pulling you closer to her, if that was possible.

-You're not bad either…

-What does it mean ? If anyone else had said that to her, she probably would have taken it badly. But then, a gentle, teasing smile appeared.

-I don't really know, but I know very well who my type is, you pretended to think before continuing. “Quite tall, a Victorian style that suits them perfectly, eyes gray like the ocean on a stormy evening, a fox face with a bad temper… Yes, that’s what I mean.”

-A bad character ? Leonora looked at you for a moment, a semi-offended look on her face.

-Is that all you learned from what I just said? You are beyond redemption.

-No, but I find it surprising that you end with that… She turned her head away.

-Stop complaining, you're going to prove me right, you laughed softly then placed a light kiss on the corner of her lips, as she had done the previous Saturday. “See you tomorrow, Leonora.”

It’s the big day. Your alarm hadn’t gone off. So you were running around cursing the machine so that your schedule for the day was respected as little as possible. Clarisse had come to your rescue when you knocked on her door around 10 a.m., looking absolutely panicked.

-I swear, Y/N, if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to use strong manners, your friend warned you, sitted at your office table. “You’ll be running around like a headless chicken for three hours soon, you’re making me dizzy! Breathe, you have time, the ball is only tonight.”

-But I still have so many steps to check off my list… I want everything to be really perfect, and for everyone!

-Hey there, very gentle with you, she got up and took you in her arms, which automatically calmed you down. “You’re not the only one who has to deal with everything, trust us. Trust yourself. All right ?"

-Hmm, she raised your face and looked for a sign of disagreement in your eyes, which she did not find.

-Now that you have finally returned to normal, we can continue. Can you help me do my hair?

You turned around in front of the mirror for the fifth time in front of your friend's tired gaze.

-Y/N, I love you from the bottom of my heart and you know it, but for the love of Merlin, I will never accompany you to a ball again.

-Are you sure the dress suits me? I'm afraid of looking like a potato in a canvas bag.

-You are perfect, I'll tell you again, this dress is splendid on you and if you don't manage to catch Lesso tonight, I don't know what to do…

-Do you think she will like my dress? And my hair? Are they well placed behind?

-Okay, I'll let you finish, Emma shouldn't be long. We arranged to meet downstairs.

-Okay, thank you Cla, I love you, by-bye! you greeted her, having half listened to what she had just told you, too busy checking the folds of your petticoat.

A knock on the door made you jump. You looked at the clock which showed six o'clock. It was time. You took a deep breath, powdered your nose then opened the door with a huge smile, hiding your nervousness. In front of you, Leonora dressed in a magnificent three-piece sky blue suit, highlighted by silver jewelry, a bouquet of lavender in her hand was patiently waiting for you. You couldn't help but smile like an idiot when faced with her first date at fourteen.

-It's for me ? you pointed at the bouquet.

-No, it’s for the Grand Master. Of course it's for you, stupid, she handed it to you, a blush on her cheeks.

-They are magnificent, thank you Leonora, you ran to put them in a vase before coming back to her. “You look breathtaking in this ensemble, I really like it.”

-I can say the same thing about you, she leaned forward, a smile on her lips.

You grabbed her arm after placing a kiss on her cheek. You both entered the reception room, arms intertwined.

-We really did a good job with the decorations, you began.

-Absolutely, I think we deserve to relax from now on, she turned to you then invited you to sit down while she went to get a drink.

-Thank you Nora, do you think it’s alcoholic punch?

-You really didn't listen to anything during the meeting?

-Not really… you broke down in front of his mocking look. She toasted with you.

-Unfortunately, your arguments were not unanimous, so it will be fruit juice for everyone this evening!

-Too bad… What can we toast to?

-To the beautiful evening we are going to spend together?

-At this party, you conclude by taking a sip, dragging your gaze across the room. All the students were enjoying it, some on the track, others laughing among themselves. Nevers and Evers were mixed, without exception. You noticed Arthur in the company of another Ever, Snow White's son. He saw you and you waved at him. He responded with a thumbs up, looking absolutely delighted. This vision saw you smile. Agnes, a young princess, came towards you.

-Good evening Professor L/N, I came to thank you for yesterday’s dance class.

-You’re welcome, Miss Agnès, it was an immense pleasure to dance with you.

-Can I go overboard by asking you for this dance? she proposed. You glanced at Lesso who seemed absorbed in the curtains.

-With pleasure, you took her hand in yours, bringing her to the dance floor. After the traditional waltz, a jig began. You participated in it with joy, being your favorite type of dance. You looked around and saw Leonora still in the same place where you had left her. You ran to grab her hand and, without her being able to say anything, she found herself stuck between you and a teacher, hand in hand. You were laughing out loud, like most of the students. At first, she seemed to endure the situation but when the duet game came, a small smile appeared when you stood in front of her. You looked absolutely beautiful, hair flying, cheeks flushed, and a huge smile adorning your face. Everything was beautiful.

-Nora, I need to go outside, will you come with me?

-I'm following you, she let you move forward, before following in your footsteps through the school. All you could hear was the sound of your heels against the tiles and the distant sound of the music. You walked to the lake. You let yourself fall to the ground and Lesso hugged you, more delicately.

-The moon is beautiful, isn’t it? you turned to the redhead, who was looking at you. She looked ethereal in the moonlight. Her hair had been controlled for tonight and tonight only, in a tight bun. She was leaning towards you, her warm breath caressing your nose.

-She is… you leaned over her, sitting on her knees. You placed your hands on her cheeks. You searched her eyes for any sign of discomfort. But you only saw desire and… envy?

"Can I ?"

As her only response, she crushed her lips against yours. You felt yourself leaving, luckily she held you firmly by the hips, keeping you close to her. As you broke away to get some air, you looked into her eyes and read what you wanted to see there. Your lips attacked hers, biting them enough to make her groan. You slid along her jaw, wanting to taste every bit of her. You placed purple kisses on his neck, soothing the pain with licks. When you raised your head, you noticed that you were no longer in the garden, but in Leonora's room. She had teleported you here, so as not to be disturbed by anyone. That was the trigger. You took off her blazer and vest while she returned the favor, at the level of your neck and your décolleté. A moan escaped you, leaving no more doubt about the rest of the night.

You were woken up by the sun tickling your skin. You opened your eyes to see your beautiful redhead sleeping in front of you, one arm resting on your hip.

-Hello darling, you whispered, caressing her cheek.

-Hello, she groaned, opening her eyes with difficulty. In contact with the sun's rays, she went to hide in your chest.

-Slept well ?

-Mh yeah… she placed a kiss above your bare breasts. You chuckled, stroking her back.

-Nora, I…

-Yes ? she raised her head to meet your gaze.

-Do you want to be my girlfriend ?

-We literally just had sex all night, of course I want to be your girlfriend, she pulled you into a kiss, which made you smile.

You finally got it, this fairy tale.

[potentiallypolyglot]

9, 24, 34

9. Technically I studied Chinese for the first time when I took a random one credit Chinese character study class in 2018. Otherwise, it's been 601 days counting by my Duolingo streak (definitely not the best way to learn, but a good way to keep track of how long it's been) I also started taking class online with the Beijing Language and Culture University in March of this year, which was way more helpful. But I did have to put that on pause since I spent a good bit of my money on the trip to China I took in August. I should be able to get back to it soon though since I should be getting some end of year/Christmas bonuses from work.

24. Yes! I definitely speak to myself in my target language. I think this is mostly because I watch a lot of Chinese dramas and I get used to their exclamations. And of course a great way to study is applying the language to your real life. Funnily enough though, this has caused my brain to completely lose it's ability to speak Spanish which I have studied for much longer. I find my brain has two settings: English and Not English. Not English is made up of whatever language I am studying most prominently. So when I encounter Spanish speakers, I can understand them, but I find I can only reply in Chinese. It's a lot of "Dui! No! Si!" and "Wo... No! Yo.. shen me? No!" But my Spanish was never perfect anyways and conjugations always escaped me. Thank goodness for the lack of conjugation in Chinese :D

34. Learning language has always been a passion of mine, even if I have yet to pursue it to the fullest extent. Learning Spanish and taking it more seriously than my peers allowed me to function as a (very rudimentary) translator during a few service projects I was able to be a part of as a teenager.

Now learning languages is very much shaping the course of my life as I am planning to go to China next year to pursue a Masters in Translation. So much pending in this venture that has yet to happen and has to go well in order for me to accomplish this. But I am so excited. As I am writing a CV and applications to schools, scholarships, and professors, I am finding myself marveling at my honesty.

In the past, when I've applied for things like school or scholarships or promotions at work, I've been truthful about my desire to get what I'm applying for, but so much of the process ends up being about shaping myself into the type of applicant they want and not necessarily who I am. However, as I apply for these programs and I cite evidence like my previous studies, my passions, and my goals, I keep surprising myself with how genuine I can be. I sincerely believe in everything I'm writing and I don't have to change myself to become the person I think they want me to be. I could be off base and maybe they won't want me at all, but for now it feels good to apply for something that actually suits my passion, not just my need to survive and pay bills.

[gryffindorpsychologyandcoffee]

Hii!

I'm an undergrad psych student that dreams to be where you are in the future (studying clinical psych)!

I'm striving to be a psychologist but I've heard how competitive it is. As someone who is in postgrad, I was wondering if you'd be okay giving some advice, what scores you had to get in ungrads and honours, what volunteering you maybe did and how postgrad life is!!

♡

Hey! It’s so awesome that you want to go into clinical psych!

I went to a pretty competitive university for undergrad and majored in Psychology with a minor in Disability studies. I ended up with a 3.8 major and overall GPA and graduated Magna Cum Laude. I worked as a FWS student on a clinical trial that focused on helping people with intellectual disabilities access mental health care as well as some odd jobs here and there. I also volunteered at my state department of mental health during the summers while I was home from school and with the National Counsel for Mental Wellbeing as a state captain for Hill Day.

I applied to a small college in my hometown for Postgrad because I wanted the small college feel and it is a really reputable program whose grads see a lot of success. I got in and I absolutely love it. The program has wonderful professors and they are really focused on graduating strong therapists. I will be a masters level Licensed Professional Counselor when I graduate in May 2025.

My advice for you is to find a place to volunteer at that will get you some good hours and face time with the right people. You don’t have to always be doing psychology related things with them. When I volunteered for DMH, I helped with their mental health conference and with Santa’s helpers which purchased presents for kids of patients at the center. I wasn’t always doing psychology stuff but I made some really strong connections and they wrote me excellent letters of recommendation. I wish I had gotten more acquainted with my professors in undergrad but it was hard because I went to such a large school. Find the people who value you and your work and they will give back by writing you glowing recommendations which go a long way in the application process. The more you volunteer and get experience, the more you’ll have to write about in your admissions essay, which I think carried me through the process.

Post grad is hard but it’s focused on what you love and is training you for your dream career. It’s worth every minute. Get as much experience as you can, clinical or not, so you make those connections and get to know people who have influence in different areas. Keep doing what you’re doing! We need people like you in our field! Hope this helps!

[siriuslysatorusimping]

I was tagged 😃

So I have a bachelors and masters in applied psych and now am working towards a PhD in neuroscience :) I love love love it with every fiber of my being and I must be a masochist bc I LOVE the academic hazing that is grad school. I’m probably gonna end up teaching and doing research bc I don’t wanna stop being a student. How do Rinko and Gojo feel about grading btw? Hate it. Worst thing ever.

My focus is on brain imaging and stress in a special population of kids who are highly predisposed to developing schizophrenia, but I had to have a lot of training in psychopharmacology and general cognitive and behavioral science to begin with which is why I am so ready to nerd tf out with Rinko studying psych 😍

YOU ARE SO FUCKING SMART. HOLY SHIT. THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL.

Kiko ranted like a dumbass so hi, rest below the cut 🫠

I have a BA and MA in Technical Writing & Rhetoric with a minor in English Literature. HOWEVER. My grad research focus was actually user experience, which was born from human-computer interaction (a psychology major at my old school). Our department had the best user experience professor, so we had a lot of the HCI PhDs in our UX classes. I always loved talking to them and picking their brains. Part of me wishes I had gotten my PhD in HCI or a related field, but I needed out of academia. I fucking hated it. It was also in the height of COVID, which just destroyed all of my motivation for life itself lol

AS FOR GRADING: I FUCKING HATED IT, TOO.

listen.

when i was in grad school, i had 50+ papers to grade every couple of weeks and we had to have them graded within a certain time period or administration CAME FOR US AND IT WAS TERRIFYING.

But one time I left all 50 until the day before I was put on the hit list and I wanted to die. So I chugged two redbulls and proceeded to go on a grading marathon of like, 10 hours.

This AU is feeding my tiny desire to go back to school to keep me from making the giant financial mistake of trying to get my PhD when I know I'll hate academia just as much as I did last time.

I think Rinko will actually semi-enjoy grading, because she's the type who will be so intrigued to see how her students think.

Gojo hates it. But he also doesn't trust anyone else to do it right. Lucky for him, most of his exams are multiple-choice. But since it's physics they have to show their work, and he hates grading that shit because it becomes so obvious that they don't fucking know what they're doing.

(maybe one of the installments will be a cute, fluffy lil grading session where they're just keeping each other company 🥺)

[thegreatimpersonator]

I applaud anyone that pursues academia past a bachelor's. I used to want to get a phd myself back in the day but I laugh about that now so strap in for a story time.

I was halfway through my bachelor's degree, and I was in the process of researching where to apply for a masters. I wanted that to be abroad. And I wanted it to be some sort of political science or something like that. Which was completely unrelated to my literature degree pursuit at the time. But I didn't care, I simply wanted to help fix the world and work as a diplomat or work for the UN.

Anyway, during my research I found out that it costs anywhere between $100-$500 just to apply for a masters program. Which was hella expensive for me living in a country where $300 was the average salary. I joked with friends that I would need to sell a kidney just for a few applications. Fortunately I had a plan for the tuition and other expenses part of studying. There's a government program that pays for everything as long as you get accepted to one of the top universities according to the Shanghai ranking. In return, all you gotta do is graduate on time and then go back home to spend double the time it took you to graduate working in my country. It was the perfect plan! Especially since all those universities had three separate price points, depending on where you're coming from (I'm talking about the European universities that had one really cheap price for locals, second slightly more expensive for other EU members, and third ridiculously high for the rest of the world)

So I started saving up money for those applications about a year before I was supposed to apply. And started looking into the documentation I would need to apply to the universities and to the government program. Meanwhile, my parents tried to dissuade me from studying anything remotely connected to politics saying I'm not cut out to be as cold blooded as the politicians in our country are. I'd wanted to pursue politics for my bachelor's but they negotiated with me to first get a degree in something I would have an easier time finding a job with locally (jokes on them the market has been oversaturated for over a decade before this conversation happened, they just didn't know), and then pursue politics. Just to have a sort of backup if things go bad in any way. And I reluctantly agreed.

But when my last year of my studies started, all the application prices increased. I started thinking about maybe taking a gap year after I graduate and working my ass off to get enough money to apply to 4-5 different schools. I then met my now husband. Him and his family had far more connections to various people than my family did and I got to learn more about that government program behind the scenes. What I learned was that in 99% of cases, the only requirement to be accepted is nepotism. Around that time I learned of a kid in my neighborhood getting accepted in the program for an undergraduate degree. Because his dad was higher up the political food chain in my country. There wasn't an option for an undergraduate degree for the rest of the country. Just masters and phds. Which immediately ruined all of the ideas and plans I had made and made me incredibly disillusioned with the whole thing I intended to do. My now husband also told me he wanted to pursue political science when he entered academia, but he had a different approach. He was in a forensic science program at the time and was thinking about a masters from the local university. He got disillusioned when he saw the amount of crime and corruption in his current studies. While the professors were teaching students all the laws, they were also actively breaking them. He was so disillusioned he ended up transferring from that department to another school to study computer science.

The cherry on top, for me, was the fact that this was all happening around 2015/16 when the Me Too movement was in full swing, and stories started showing up on the amount of sexism women in academia deal with on a daily basis. Along with a couple of other disgusting political things I learned that happened locally.

Immediately no. The whole messy endeavor. Immediately no.

These days I'm looking to move to an EU country, so that if my future kid wants to pursue the degrees I wanted, or any other ones, they would have a lower barrier of entry. I mean that along with the functional educational, medical and legal systems which are nonexistent here as I've demonstrated through the stories I've shared lmao

But I greatly admire anyone who's able to do all that. They are the people that are changing the world in so many different and exciting ways through their discoveries and I'm grateful for them. <3

MK

APPLICATION FEES ARE SO STUPID??? they're not that high at least for places im applying to but it feels so weird to pay just for an opportunity to get in, when there's so many barriers you'd face later! I hope things turn out better everywhere because it's disgusting how closely education ties in with politics. some fields should be absolutely free and safe from any sort of political agenda

[animakemecry]

Questionable Decisions

Chapter 1 - 3.4k words

Summary: Being a grad-school student with Connie and Jean as best friends is a lot of fun, but you find yourself in a precarious situation one night after Connie's friends Annie and Mikasa join you and the guys for drinks at the local bar.

Tags: Attack on Titan modern!AU, Attack on Titan college!AU, Annie x reader (kinda), Jean x reader, bisexual!reader, afab!reader

CW: NSFW, masturbation, drinking, alcohol

****Minors DNI****

It’s only 4 p.m. and you’re just barely able to keep your eyes open through your last lecture of the day. Finals week is approaching much more quickly than you anticipated and you’re behind on some major projects, but motivation is dwindling and procrastination keeps taking over. You’re past trying to focus on the lecture, so you pull out your phone to text your best friend Connie.

“I’m about to pass out in class right now, I’m so bored.”

“lol that sucks dude. did you wanna come over after you get out of class?”

“Yeah that sounds good. I need to work on my project proposal, but I can work on it while I’m there.”

“aight bet. idk what time Jean is gonna be back, but we could grab a drink when he gets home if you need a break.”

“A drink sounds pretty damn good right now.”

You zone back into your applied biostatistics class and try your best to focus on the material. You love neuroscience and you don’t regret choosing this major, but after grinding through the first two semesters of your master’s degree it’s taking every ounce of your willpower not to take a gap year. You start thinking about getting drinks with Connie and Jean later and the thought of Connie’s overconfident approach to flirting with girls at the bar makes you smile to yourself. Finally you hear your professor start to wrap up the lecture and you make a beeline for the door.

The walk up the stairs to Connie and Jean’s apartment feels extra long today. Maybe it’s just the mental exhaustion adding to the psychical fatigue. You hang out with Connie so much that he got tired of having to get up to let you in while he’s gaming online with his friend Bertholdt, so he just gave you your own key. You’ve never met Bertholdt since he moved across the country for college with his best friend Reiner, but Connie has told you all about them and how they begged Annie to go with them when they decided to move. You’ve only met Annie a few times, but you have a good sense of her vibe. She’s working on a master’s degree in kinesiology at the same university you attend so you see each other on campus sometimes. She usually seems pretty closed off, but you’ve seen her laughing with her friend Mikasa on campus and it’s like seeing a totally different person.

Once you walk inside the apartment Connie moves over to give you room on the couch and offers to get you a snack, but you’re so behind on your project that you accidentally cut him off to ask if you can use his kitchen table as a desk for a couple hours. You set up your laptop and textbooks and put on your headphones to block out the sounds of disapproval coming from Connie as he plays Overwatch. It felt like an eternity of checking your notes, cross-referencing, and meticulously typing out the appropriate methods when Jean finally walks through the door smiling over at you.

“Hey you.”

You instinctively roll your eyes at him. You know Jean well enough to know that he’s a natural flirt, but you can’t stop the slightest blush from appearing on your cheeks when he directs his flirtatious energy at you. Before you can reply to him Connie blurts out,

“Dude where have you been? I've been getting slaughtered in game without you.” 

“Sorry bro, one of my coworkers had an emergency and I had to cover the last couple of clients he had coming in. You guys wanna go get a drink?”

You immediately close your textbook and push your chair back from the table making Jean laugh.

“That bad huh? First round is on me then.”

“I appreciate it. Sorry you had to work late.”

“Nah it was nothing really. I’m just sorry I kept you waiting.”

“Yeah, you better be.”

Jean pretends he’s hurt by your sarcasm before going to his bedroom to change out of his work clothes. Connie asks if it would be okay if he invites Mikasa and Annie. You see no problem with that, in fact, you get a little excited at the idea of getting to know them both better.

Jean comes back out of his room in joggers and a loose fitting t-shirt with the Vans logo on it. You try to distract yourself from looking at the casual flex of his muscles as he stretches his arms up over his head. Connie decides he’d prefer to walk, so you guys set out for Sina on Tap. You listen to Connie tell Jean all about his plan to find a girlfriend tonight as you hold back the urge to poke fun at him. Once you get inside you see Mikasa and Annie at the bar throwing back a couple of shots and you can’t wait to have one yourself. You know you’ve been in need of a break and a good distraction from school, so you’re hoping you can let loose tonight. Mikasa sees you and the boys and she waves you over to her. Connie gives Annie a little half hug and asks her what they were drinking and then turns to Jean,

“Well Jean, you said first round on you right buddy? That’ll be 3 tequila shots, we’ve gotta catch up to them.”

Jean orders your shots for you and you take it back no problem with a swift bite into the slice of lime on the rim. You feel Annie’s eyes on you and you turn to try and start a conversation with her.

“So what made you want to go into kinesiology?”

“I originally picked it at random cause I thought the pay would be worth it, but at this point I actually find it really interesting. What about you? You’re in neuroscience right?”

“Yeah, I want to work on neurological solutions for hearing loss. I would be devastated if I wasn’t able to listen to music or hear my friend’s voices anymore.”

“Wow, that’s a pretty big goal. That’s cool.”

Annie talked to you for a while longer before Connie challenged her to a match of pool and Mikasa followed them over to the tables. You looked at Jean and joked that Connie pulled two girls instead of his usual zero and he chuckled. You guys just sat and sipped your beers for awhile before Jean asked you,

“So what do you think about Annie?”

“She’s cool, I still don’t really know her, but I feel like we could be friends.”

“Nice. I know that would make Connie happy.”

“I wanted to ask about that, do Connie and Annie have some kind of history? I saw the way he looked at her when we first walked in, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him initiate a hug.”

“Annie and Connie? Nah, no chance. She and Reiner were super close and Connie helped her through her depression after he and Bertholdt moved across the country. I know it was her choice to stay here, but I think it really hurt her to be left behind.”

“Damn, I can imagine so. I’m glad she has Connie then, and based on what I’m seeing right now I’m glad he has her too.”

You and Jean both look back over at the pool table where you see Connie attempting trickshots behind his back. You notice the way Mikasa is watching Annie laugh at Connie’s performance, and with some observation you start to understand their dynamic a little bit. You watch Mikasa’s eyes trail down Annie’s body taking in her tight black jeans and her oversized flannel. You see her eyes flit back up to Annie’s smile in an instant with adoration on her face. You turn back to Jean to confirm your suspicions,

“Are Mikasa and Annie…”

Jean cuts you off,

“Dating? I don’t think so. Mikasa has always seemed protective of Annie even though Annie can absolutely take care of herself. I don’t know if the attraction goes both ways though. I’ve never asked.”

You look back over at the scene unfolding in front of you and realize you’re a bit envious of Annie. You wish you had someone that looked at you with the level of care that Mikasa’s face is conveying. It’s been a couple of years since you’ve let anyone get close to you emotionally. Your mind trails off into thoughts about the last relationship you were in. A relationship that left you feeling like domestic life was a cage. It’s not that you wanted to date tons of people or sleep around, but you felt like you were constantly being told how to live your life and truthfully, your ex had some beliefs about traditional gender norms that became a major turn-off. Jean must have noticed that you were staring off into space cause when you snapped back to the present you heard him ask,

“Were you even listening to me?”

“I’m sorry, I got caught in my brain. What did you say?”

“I was just talking about how it always seemed like Annie had feelings for Reiner, but nevermind about that. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m alright, just some memories from the past.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not particularly.”

“Okay… you wanna drink about it?”

You laugh at Jean’s successful attempt to bring you back to earth. He flags the bartender over and orders you a couple more beers and another shot. You both throw your shots back with ease and decide to take your beers over to the pool table to join your friends. To everyone’s amusement Annie is showing Connie the right way to attempt a trickshot from behind the back. She sinks the 10 ball in the side pocket and smirks at Connie. Connie shrugs his shoulders trying to appear unimpressed, but you can see the boyish excitement tugging at the corners of his mouth. You watch as Connie and Annie finish their game with Annie easily pocketing all of the stripes in just a few turns. After she sinks the 8 ball she turns to ask who wants to face the winner and Jean jumps at the opportunity. You watch as Annie meticulously reracks the balls and lines up the cue. You notice the rings on her fingers, gemstones wrapped in delicate wire, dainty enough to appear feminine, but drawing enough attention to her hands to feel a bit sensual. You watch her shoot the breaking shot sinking the 3 ball. The raise of her eyebrows conveying careful consideration of what her next move will be. She sinks the 6, 2, and 5 balls before she just slightly misses her shot on the bright-yellow 1 ball. Jean observes the table with a fervent look in his eyes.

“Damn, you’re not going to make this easy for me.”

“Why would I? Can’t keep up Kirschtein?”

You giggle in admiration of the confidence rolling off of Annie’s tongue. Jean looks over at you with a shocked look of betrayal on his face. He can be so dramatic when he gets competitive. 

“You’re rooting for her now!? I thought we were friends.”

You roll your eyes at him and smirk at Annie.

“Can’t argue with talent, and from what I’ve seen Annie is the most talented player in the room tonight.”

Annie gives you a shy smile and you can’t tell if it’s the low lighting playing tricks on your eyes or if a light blush really did just spread over her freckled cheeks. You realize it must be the latter when you notice Mikasa glaring at you from behind her beer bottle as she takes a long sip. There’s a fluttering in your stomach that you can’t ignore as you realize the guys are looking back and forth between you and Mikasa trying to assess what just happened. Jean breaks the tension by lining up to take his first shot on the table. He sinks the 11 ball and just barely misses the corner pocket with his following shot. Annie lines up her next shot and makes quick work of the 1, and 4 balls before she asks Connie to grab her another beer from the bar. By the time Connie comes back Jean has managed to sink three shots before missing the fourth. He walks around the edge of the table to where you’re standing and leans into your ear to ask you what the hell you’re thinking by flirting with Annie like that. You tell him you didn’t mean for it to come across flirtatiously. Truthfully though, you have always thought Annie was beautiful. You start mulling over all the times you’ve seen her around campus in her doc martins and her layered crystal necklaces. Always listening to music with her bulky headphones on over her sleek blonde hair pulled back in an effortless bun. You feel a tension pooling inside of you and you don’t dare look over at Annie or Mikasa for fear that they might see your thoughts written on your face. This is the first time you’ve ever consciously considered Annie in this way and you get flustered by the flood of thoughts rushing to your head. Connie’s hand on your shoulder startles you enough to shift your focus and you see that he’s gotten you another beer. You must’ve had at least five beers and two shots by now, and you can feel the warmth coming over your body as the alcohol affects your senses. The game wraps up nicely with Annie sinking the 8 ball as effortlessly as breathing, and Jean and Mikasa make their way to close their tabs at the bar. Jean walks back over to you and Connie to ask if you’re ready to go.

“Yeah I’m ready, you didn’t have to pay the full tab though. I thought you were just buying the first round.”

“It’s no problem. You and Connie can split the next one for me.”

“Deal.”

You say bye to Annie and Mikasa taking note of the tension on Mikasa’s face when you address her. You realize this might become an issue, but the alcohol has caught up to you at this point and you decide to pocket that thought for another time. As you walk back to Connie and Jean’s apartment with them you decide you don’t want to call an uber to take you home, so you ask them if it’s okay if you crash on their couch.

“You know you don’t need to ask us. You’re always welcome at our place,” Connie says lightheartedly.

This wouldn’t be the first time you’ve stayed at their place overnight. There have been several instances when you haven’t had the energy to drive home after a late night study session, or haven’t wanted to spend the money on an uber. You’re always grateful that the guys let you stay whenever you need to, and you always keep an extra change of clothes and a toothbrush in your backpack. You walk up the stairs following Connie’s lead and make your way into the apartment. Connie asks you if you’d like to take a shower and offers up his bathroom to you. As much as you would like to feel refreshed before bed you don’t have anything to sleep in except the shirt you’re already wearing.

“I don’t have anything to sleep in if I shower; the only clothes I’ve got in my backpack are jeans and a crop top.”

Jean mocks your unpreparedness and offers you one of his t-shirts for the night. You kindly accept his offer and tell Connie that he can shower first if he wants to. Connie obliges and makes his way down the hall to his room and bathroom. You sit opposite Jean on the couch and he asks you if you want to watch a show while you wait for the shower. He puts on a random episode of Bob’s Burgers and asks if you want anything to drink. While he’s in the kitchen getting you a water bottle your mind starts to linger back on the thought of Annie blushing at your compliment. The thought of her beautiful freckled cheeks blushing just for you forces a sheepish smile to your lips. Before you can catch yourself Jean comes back into the room,

“What are you smiling about?”

“Oh, um, nothing. I think the tequila is making me loopy.”

“Since when are you a lightweight?”

“Since tonight I guess.”

It’s a horrible cover up for your real thoughts, but it’ll do for now. Connie comes back into the living room shortly after and tells you that his bathroom is all yours. You ask Jean to get you one of his t-shirts like he said, and he tells you to go pick one out for yourself. You go into his room and open his closet door to look for the softest shirt you can find. It’s a black shirt with the Guns and Roses logo on it. You walk back into the living room and ask him if that one is okay. He says it’s fine, so you walk down the hall to Connie’s bathroom to take your shower. Once you step in under the hot water you realize how wet you are. You can’t believe the thought of Annie got you this aroused, after all you barely know her. Your hand dances around your clit for a moment while thinking of her. You feel a need growing inside of you and you slowly slip two of your fingers inside your slit hoping you can take care of yourself before going back out into the living room. You move your fingers in and out of yourself at just the right pace and feel the pressure in your body building. You curl your fingers up into the spot that will send you over the edge. You come thinking about Annie’s cute little face underneath your pussy. After riding out your orgasm, you realize you’ve been in the shower longer than need be, so you wash yourself off quickly and hop out of the shower as fast as possible to avoid suspicion. You wrap yourself up in a towel and brush your teeth. You feel the warmth left over from your orgasm in your legs and it makes your pussy start to ache with need. You know you can’t do anything about it since you’ve already been in the bathroom much longer than you should’ve been, so you decide you’ll take care of it once the guys are asleep. You throw on Jean’s t-shirt and pause a moment to take in the distinct smell of him that lingers on it. You’ve never noticed Jean’s natural scent before, but now that you’re enveloped in his t-shirt you can’t help but take it all in. When you walk back into the living room Jean and Connie are both gone. You hear Jean’s shower running and assume Connie went to bed. You see the folded blankets they left for you, and you go to work making the couch into a bed. Once you’ve laid down you realize how warm your body is. You can’t tell if it’s because of the alcohol, the arousal, or both. You start to move your hand towards your clit when you hear Jean’s shower turn off. A few minutes later he comes into the living room to ask you if you need anything else for the night. You tell him you’re all set, and he tells you goodnight. Once he closes his door you let your hands wander to your breasts, pinching your nipples and massaging them with greed. One of your hands instinctively travels down to your clit where you start rubbing small circles making yourself squirm underneath your own touch. You inch your fingers further down into the pool of warmth forming between your legs. You’re so wet it’s almost embarrassing. You start fucking your pussy with your fingers, doing your best to suppress a moan as your back arches up from the couch. Your free hand is groping your breasts as you feel yourself spasming around your fingers. You move your free hand to your clit and start rubbing it delicately to avoid overstimulation. Your body is on fire with an aching need as you slam your eyes shut imagining Annie kissing down your body and sucking on your breasts. Your fingers are curling inside you and your body is spasming in response numbing all your senses. You open your eyes and freeze when you see Jean staring at you by his bedroom door, shocked.

chapter 2

[nothorses]

Hey I’m about to head off to college and majoring in arts education, could I ask what that was like for you? Or maybe if there’s any wisdom you’d care to pass on?

Oh hell yeah! That's my niche!!

A lot of the college-specific stuff is gonna be dependent on your specific school, but if you ever want help navigating that nitty-gritty weirdness, feel free to DM me tbh. I've been through a lot of different bullshit.

Also, this is gonna be assuming US college systems. I don't know what might be different in other countries, and I'd recommend cross-checking or getting tips separately from someone who's been through college in your country if you aren't in the US.

That said!

Education degrees are complicated for a number of reasons, because they come in different forms:

Degrees with endorsements vs. degrees without endorsements. - An "endorsement" is basically the specific subject you're getting certified to teach. Your degree will require an endorsement if it's inclusive of middle or high school, which are typically secondary education degrees (middle or high school), or P-12 (preschool through 12th grade, usually specialized subjects like art, music, theater, etc.) - If you're getting an endorsement (and if you're teaching art, you will be), I recommend setting up a meeting with your advisor ASAP. You will likely be a major in multiple colleges within your university- the college of education, and the college of art- and this gets complicated fast. I had to apply and be accepted to both colleges separately, and I wasn't able to even apply for the college of education until I only had 10 credits left of art classes to take. You'll want whatever insight you can get well in advance, so you have time to plan and prepare.

Degrees with certifications vs. degrees without certifications. - A degree in education is different from a certification to teach in your state. Certification in the US is state-by-state, and it's a long, complicated, headache-inducing process. The easiest way to handle it is to make sure the degree you're getting includes certification. - Alternatively, you can get your Master's in Teaching (not education) which usually does include certification. Double-check that with your school, though! There are sometimes other programs that do this as well- in WA state, for example, the Governer's School has a much shorter, much faster teacher certification program, but I believe you need to have your Bachelor's first.

Special education versions of all of these. - Special education is it's own complicated mess; you can get a special education degree with an endorsement, I believe special ed degrees also factor in grade levels, and there are also separate certifications needed. Get insight from your advisor- and someone who knows the college at your school for it- if you plan on going into it. - Frankly, I don't recommend going into it. The field of special ed lags behind the rest of the education field, and if I'm being honest, my education professors have consistently been better-versed in disability accommodation and advocacy than the special ed professors I've taken classes with.

You should also know...

A bachelor's degree won't be enough to teach any higher than high school; if you're interested in teaching at a college level, you should look into Master's programs.

Master's degrees also mean you get paid more! Teachers will often wait to get one until after they've been teaching for a few years- definitely consider if you want one at all, and when would be a good time for you to do that.

Look into what it means to teach in your state: the experiences other teachers have had there, what the pay is like, etc. Start thinking about where you want to teach, and if that's different from where you're getting your degree, consider the route to certification that makes sense for you (i.e., if you don't want to teach there, you probably don't want to be in a program that requires you to also finish your student teaching in order to earn your degree.)

You should also look into your college of education's philosophy of education ahead of time. There are some really great programs out there with really progressive ideas doing genuinely incredible work, and there are also colleges that uh... you will not agree with. Save yourself the misery if you can, and figure out ahead of time whether "should I transfer to a better program?" is going to be a question for you.

Look into application requirements for the art education major through the college of art ahead of time! Oftentimes they want a portfolio of your work, and while they may not be super hard on your actual skill level, they will almost certainly be looking very closely to make sure you fulfilled the requirements posted.

When you do your student teaching, consider looking into "emergency substitute" or "intern/student teacher substitute" certifications in that district. I don't recommend subbing when you're doing your student teaching, but you may be able to get a cert like that in your district, and it can be a really good stop-gap if you need one.

And some more general, practical tips:

Meet with your advisor so so much. At least once a quarter, when it's time to sign up for classes, but more than that if you have any questions at all! Use the resources available to you!

Look up professors on ratemyprofessors before registering for their classes. Particularly if there's a choice between a few of them, and even if you only have one option. The vibe check can be life-saving.

If you're waitlisted for a class, you should: 1. Email the professor ASAP and ask for an add code. Tell them you're looking forward to the class, and if there's any reason you need that specific class, tell them that, too. 2. Show up to the first day of class and stay until the end. Usually people will just not show up on the first day and drop the class in the system later, and professors will generally give out add codes at the end of the class to anyone who's waitlisted and still hanging around.

If you really want to take a class, but it isn't available to you for any reason (you haven't fulfilled a per-requisite, you're not in the major, class times conflict), consider emailing the professor about it. Oftentimes they'll give you an add code, and I've found art professors in particular are usually happy to let in students who don't have the per-requisites, especially if they're somewhat experienced artists.

Don't buy books for your class before the first class (with the exception of English classes). Professors will often "require" books they never actually use in the class, and oftentimes they'll outright say it that first day; or they'll post PDFs of the relevant excerpts for free, or they'll tell you where you can get them for cheaper. (I personally don't buy books until after the first few classes. If they're not even gonna quiz me on it, I'm not spending $150 on the textbook.)

Don't throw away art supplies (even paper!), and don't buy everything on your professor's materials list right away. You do not need the specific brand and thing they suggest, and you almost certainly won't need them the first day. Those lists are great if you literally don't have those supplies, but if your professor tells you to get a specific set of drawing pencils and you have a similar set from a different brand, and/or with different hardnesses, don't worry about it. (Also, if you're short on money, they often have backup supplies they can lend you- particularly for super specialized things, like carving tools for printmaking).

In general: look into the resources your school has to offer, and take advantage of them! Counseling centers, student health centers, disability accomodation centers (free testing and diagnosis? sometimes??), tutoring services, writing labs, gyms and pools and shit, free food hookups- all of it! Maybe you don't need or want it right now, but just knowing those things exist can be invaluable down the line.

If you feel guilty for using the resources your school is offering you, I am bapping your head with a paper towel tube.

Look into clubs! Join clubs! Socialize!! Shit, even sports teams- I can't tell you how many people I've told about my school's equestrian team who would have loved to join it if they'd known sooner. My school had a tabletop RPG club, a specific trans club, even an aro and ace club! Join that shit!! Show up to a meeting! Leave if the vibes are off!! I still talk to people I met through the trans club at my school, and I only went to, like, 4 meetings. Do it!!

I can't think of anything else, and this post is long as fuck now. Whoops.

Reach out if you have any other questions, and seriously, feel free to get in touch over DMs about it. Use your resources!

Good luck!!