#i haven't written an essay in a while why did i just write one for no reason

[mystcldydrms]

LIBRARY ADORATION - FRED WEASLEY

summary: a book isn't the only thing fred weasley wants you to have

pairing: fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: 1.5k

warnings: fluff

notes: you know how much I love books and libraries. I just had to write this one. also please be aware that I haven't written anything for probably 6 months. I'm slowly getting back into it.

You stood in front of one of the many bookshelves of the Hogwarts library, your eyes scanning the spines of the books. The words already started to blur; however, you shook your head lightly, focusing on the titles as best as possible.

You had abandoned your essay, which was due in two days, on a table, alongside two books that had helped you tremendously while writing it, however, you still needed one more that could help you while writing your essay.

For a few more minutes, you kept looking everywhere. You knew exactly which book you needed. One of your fellow students had told you about it. Unfortunately for you, she had forgotten in which section she had found it, hence, here you were, looking at every shelf that was dedicated to the history of magic.

“Where are you?” you whispered to yourself, rounding yet another corner to go and look at yet another shelf. This time, you weren’t alone.

In the corner sat Fred and George Weasley with their friend Lee Jordan. They had noticed your presence right away. You saw them quickly shielding their notes from you. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes slightly. You didn’t feel the need to know what they were whispering about. You didn’t care about their schemes or plans. Well, you did, but not at that moment. You just wanted to grab your book and finish your essay.

Your eyes looked at yet another couple of books until they finally landed on the one you needed the most. You took one more step towards the shelf and tried to grab the book, which, unfortunately, was almost at the top. You let out an almost inaudible sigh. Although you tried to stand on your tiptoes, you couldn’t reach the book with your hand.

You weren’t small. You had an average height for a girl your age. But why couldn’t you reach the book? Of course, you could use your wand and get it, however, your wand was in the pocket of your robe. And that robe was almost all the way across the library.

“Do you need a hand?”

You jumped lightly, and although that voice had talked to you in a whisper, you were surprised to hear it. You turned your head to the right and noticed Fred Weasley standing right next to you, a teasing smile on his lips.

The three Gryffindors must have watched you while you struggled to grab the book. You immediately felt the embarrassment and the heat that was starting to make its way up to your face, turning your cheeks a light shade of red. Another sigh escaped your lips as you nodded your head.

“Which one is it?”

“The one with the brown spine. Magic Mysteries.”

Fred nodded his head before he easily extended his arm and grabbed the book you needed. A proud smile graced his lips as he handed it to you, your fingertips lightly brushing his.

“Thank you.”, you whispered as you pressed the book against your chest, looking up into his eyes.

“No problem. Why did you need this one?”

You caught a glimpse of Lee and George, who slightly snickered behind Fred until they noticed you looking at them. They quickly looked at their notes again, pretending to write something down. You giggled lightly, shaking your head before you looked into Fred’s eyes again, a smile already on his lips. Did it even leave? You didn’t know, but you liked it that way.

“I have an essay due in two days. I’m almost done, but I still need a few more details. What about you? What are you doing?” you asked curiously.

Yes, you didn’t really care about it when you first saw them scheming something in their little corner, but you didn’t want your conversation with Fred to end so soon. You liked talking to him, always have. It was easy. You couldn’t call yourself friends, however, you were in the same house, and you greeted each other whenever you saw one another in the castle. And sometimes, you even had a conversation.

Did you have a crush on the ginger-haired boy? Yes. But who wouldn’t? Every girl in their right mind could see that the twins were two good-looking boys.

“Oh, nothing important. Just a few notes for a future project.”, Fred explained, snapping you out of your little daydream about him.

“Sounds fun?” you said, grinning up at him.

“Well, I better get back and finish my essay. Have fun. I’ll see you around.”

Before you rounded the corner, you stole one last glance at Fred, who hadn’t turned around yet, but rather stayed where he was, locking eyes with you. You could swear you saw a shimmer of red on his cheeks, however, after looking at books for such a long time, you weren’t so sure of your focus anymore.

After another hour of reading and writing, you had finally finished your essay, but before you could get up and pack everything away, you noticed someone sitting down next to you.

“Fancy seeing you here.”, you heard a male voice say.

A bright smile immediately graced your lips as you turned your head and, once again, looked into the eyes of Fred Weasley.

“I know. I swear I saw you an hour ago just behind that bookshelf over there.”, you said, both of you laughing lightly.

“Have you finished your essay yet?”

“Yes, finally. I can’t write another one for at least a week now. I can’t even focus on words anymore.”

Fred couldn’t help but laugh again. You had that effect on him. You were funny, you knew how to hold a conversation, and you laughed about all his jokes, which was one of the reasons he had started to fall for you. Of course, you were also a beautiful girl.

You saw one another in the castle every day and talked every other day, but for him, it wasn’t enough. He wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. He needed to talk to you every day, laugh with you, hold you … and finally find out how your lips felt on his.

“Can I ask you something?” Fred blurted out, a bit louder than intended. Madame Pince was instantly by your side, staring angrily down at the ginger-haired boy who only shrugged and mumbled ‘sorry’.

You giggled quietly, watching how Madame Pince walked away before your eyes landed on Fred again, who was already watching you, a dreamy smile gracing his lips.

“Go ahead. What do you want to ask me?”

To say that you were curious was an understatement. You were nervous. What could Fred Weasley ask you? Did he need help with an essay? Did he need help with his future project?

“Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me this Saturday? Just the two of us, I mean.”

Your eyes widened; your mouth lightly opened as you tried to process his words. Fred just asked you out on a date. And he wanted it to happen this Saturday.

‘Wow’, you thought to yourself, as you nervously started to play with your fingers.

You had no idea how long you were quiet, but you could see the way Fred started to fidget. He kept staring at you, waiting for an answer.

“Yes.”, you whispered. “Yes, of course. I would love to go to Hogsmeade with you.”

The young man that sat next to you couldn’t help but clap his hands together before he stood up and triumphantly put his hands in the air.

“Fred. Stop.”, you said, giggling, taking his robe in your hands, trying to pull him down onto his chair again, but he didn’t bother. He just stood there and looked at you with the brightest smile you had ever seen on his face.

“You just made my day so much better.”, he confessed, leaning down until he was face to face with you, your eyes on one level.

You studied his face, first his eyes, then his lips, the freckles on his cheeks, until your eyes landed on his again. You knew that you were blushing again, but you didn’t care. You were beyond happy.

“I have to get going now. George and Lee are probably already wondering where I am, but I will see you later in the common room. We could discuss our date.”

The only thing you could do was nod your head while Fred sent you a small wink before he turned around and made his way out of the library.

Your heart was pounding like crazy in your chest. You felt the butterflies flying around in your stomach. You and Fred. You and Fred on a date.

Too stunned to do anything else, you just sat in the library for a few more minutes until you regained your strength and started packing up your things, already looking forward to seeing Fred in the common room.

[cherry-muses]

tom riddle x gn! reader: oneshot

<a/n: oneshot after the image! haven't written in a while so i lowkey feel like this sucks. ps: sorry i disappeared for like 5 months lol i had to graduate. >

tags: mentions of a difficult childhood, orphanage, bullying, hurt/comfort, fluff

He was sat across you, writing his History of Magic essay with his ever-so-neat handwriting. The only sounds you could hear were those of his quill scratching the parchment and of you turning the pages of your Potions textbook.

As Riddle wrote, his other free hand rested on the table, and you couldn’t help but appreciate the fact that he had really pretty hands. Your eyes subtly scanned them and eventually landed on the sleeve of his robes… which seemed to be a little torn and frayed at the edges.

You smiled to yourself, knowing the exact spell required to make the sleeve good as new… secretly hoping that Riddle would give you one of his rare smiles when you did. Perhaps it’d make the boring study session slightly more entertaining, and the rather bleak winter evening more colourful.

You tentatively reached your hand to gently hold his wrist, and gave him a soft smile. “I could fix that… may I?” You asked, gesturing to the torn sleeve.

To your surprise, Tom did not give you even the smallest smile. In fact, he flinched and harshly pulled his hand away, giving you an accusatory glare at the same time. “I’d much appreciate if you wouldn’t disturb me when I’m trying to work. And I know perfectly well to take care of my own clothing, thank you.”, he snapped. “I think I’d much rather spend my evening with someone who isn’t so dull and irritating to the core.”

“I didn’t mean-”, but you were rudely cut off mid-sentence by Riddle slamming his textbook shut, stuffing it into his satchel and storming off, out of the library.

You were left sitting alone in the library, feeling an odd mixture of guilt, anger, and confusion, holding back tears.

It was the next evening, when you were approached by the dark-haired prefect again. You had been reading by the fireplace in the Slytherin common room when he came up to you, fists clenched at his sides in nervousness. “What do you want, Riddle?”, you spoke, rather harshly, as you sat up straight to face him.

“I am… sorry.”, he replied, voice strained as if it was taking him a great deal of effort to get the words out.

You slammed your book shut, tossing it aside on the couch in annoyance. “I am sorry too.”, you replied, not a hint of emotion in your voice.

“You’re sorry?”, he asked, frowning in confusion.

“For assuming we're friends.”

For a split second a look of hurt flashed across his sharp features, until, ever the Slytherin, Riddle schooled his expression to appear vaguely sad.

“I should not have spoken in that way to you.”, he begins.

“No, you shouldn’t have.”, you retort.

You are both silent for a few moments, and the air has a sort of charged tension which makes you feel like either one of you would be storming off at any moment.

It comes as a bit of a surprise, then, when he instead chooses to sit close to you on the black couch, the water from the Great Lake casting a greenish glow upon the two of you.

“I really am sorry. I must admit, out of sheer habit I had assumed the worst intentions out of you.”

Those deep brown irises of his conveyed a kind of sincerity you had never before seen in him. You hoped to Merlin it was genuine.

“It is no excuse but I’d like to…er, explain why I behaved in such a way. Not justify, just explain.”, he said, a request for you to kindly hear him out implicit in his words. You somehow found yourself nodding, silently urging him to continue.

“You know where I grew up. I much prefer to hide it, but somehow your… constant affection has gently coerced me into entrusting to you the things I wish I could hide even from myself. ” He pauses, sighing and staring outside the dungeon windows, into the depths of the Great Lake.

“As would be expected, the orphanage wasn’t made of money. They could hardly feed us twice a day.” He was practically avoiding your eyes now. “My wardrobe essentially consisted of the worn clothes people donated. And, well.” A pause. “My first time on the Hogwarts express, a group of Ravenclaws found it a good enough excuse to remind me of my inferiority… and throw a couple of assorted hexes my way.”

Realization dawned on you, and at once you took his hand in yours, gently caressing his skin with your thumb. “Oh…”

“Well, since then I’ve managed to handle such issues with reparation spells, but I suppose I missed my robe’s sleeve. Which caught your attention yesterday. And… and when you tried to fix it, I just...”

You could bear it no more, and without any warning he was engulfed in a hug. “Tom, I’m so so sorry. I should’ve known.”

“No, it is my fault, for comparing you to someone who was been cruel to me, when you’ve always shown me nothing but the complete opposite.”, he breathed out softly.

There was a look of steely determination on your face now. “Promise me one thing, Riddle.”

“Hmm?”, he inquired, far too occupied with staring into your eyes to bother with actual words.

“Next time you feel like that, please… please just talk to me.”, you request. “I hate when we hurt each other in such a way.”

“Anything you ask.”, he says. You beam at him and gently kiss his forehead

The rest of the evening was spent cuddling on that couch, whispering sweet nothings to one another and watching the fish swim by in the lake.

[beatingdrumspouringwine]

Dionysos Loves His Mom(s), a very long essay

Going to just preface this by saying that I may/may not have gone a bit overboard, but I hope everyone enjoys reading my rambles on how amazing it is that we still have this message even through to day, how important this is for our understanding of Dionysos, and also just a little bit of (what I hope will come across as) Semele appreciation :) Also, I did write this during finals week, so if it seems rambly, please bear with me ;-;

And for clarification, I'll be referring to Semele with capitalized pronouns because even though She was human, mythologically, while carrying Dionysos, She was also deified by Him after He brought Her up from the Underworld.

The first interesting thing is that we get our description of Dionysos, as well as the love he shows for His Mother, in Greek mythology. While myths are usually pretty good resources for understanding the Gods, they are also usually written by the people who are in power at the time - which would be specifically older men who were not slaves. Because of this, a lot of myths tend to trend towards the "male" perspective of the Athenians. Also because of this, women are frequently represented in a very negative light, or at least as being relatively unimportant.

There are no Gods who have quite a relationship with Their Mothers like Dionysos has of His. Some of the Gods technically have no mother, like Aphrodite and Athena, and others just... don't seem to have much of a relationship at all. And this isn't necessarily to say that the Gods that we worship don't love Their Mothers, but more that the popular attitude of Greek society was simply to push women off to the side, and let the men take the glory.

And then, strangely, we have Dionysos, He Who Takes No Shit When It Comes to Women, as well as Him Who Has Two Moms. He's already something of an anti-Athena in Greek mythology, for while She was born of Zeus's head, and Metis was a sort of mother-base, Dionysos was born of two mothers, and from Zeus, in a way that echoes an intimate, "maternal" sort of birth, instead of the detached birth of Athena. And we know full well that Dionysos did not forget about either of His first two mothers. Persephone and Him famously get along well enough that they shared a rite in the form of the Eleusinian Mysteries, and it is to Persephone that initiates go, telling Her that the Bakkhic One Himself has freed us!

And we haven't even touched on Semele! It's one thing to have a divine Mother to welcome us to the afterlife. It's another thing to have a once-human-become-Goddess Mother in the form of Semele-Thyone. And Dionysos loves Her as well, very much so as well! Even though He never met Her as a child, He still very clearly has a lot of love for Her. At the start of the Bacchae, when Dionysos first arrives in Thebes, you will notice that one of the very first things He mentions in His monologue is that His mother is being disrespected by King Pentheus, and that this disrespect is part of the reason why He has driven the women of the city mad, as well as the sisters of Semele, who also were disrespecting Her.

This loyalty is only further emphasized by the fact that even though Semele is dead at the time of the Bacchae (and obviously after it as well, as the myth of Dionysos traveling to the underworld is an entirely separate story). And yet we must once again emphasize that this was written in a time where mothers were so often thrown under the bus (or horse-drawn chariot), and all of these myths were notably written by men, as far as we know. It seems that there is an inherent thread which ties Dionysos to the world of women, or at least has Him incredibly sympathetic to it, and one which could not be broken with all of the hyper-patriarchal nonsense that was woven deep into the cultural fabric of ancient Greece, especially Athens.

And to finish this fun little rant off, I want to offer two significantly longer ideas than the initial thing that I wrote! One for reflection on how we relate to Dionysos (and how He relates to us), and another as a reflection on Semele-Thyone and how She relates to us, and how we should relate to Her.

To start, this sympathy that Dionysos shows with women does, in some ways, hits culturally closer to a sisterhood than to the way that a man would have been encouraged to act towards women in ancient Greece. Dionysos as God understands His band of madwomen's own self-worth, and does not question their autonomy. Instead, he seems to encourage it, especially with all of the sassing he gives Pentheus while being grilled by him. This is such a good thing for all of us. Not only is Dionysos a friend of humanity, but He is specifically a friend for the marginalized. Whoever finds themselves marginalized in society will be His "favorites", so to speak, because that is where He truly finds His followers. It's almost as if He naturally finds where there is a power imbalance, and jumps on the other side to even things out, even if it is a little bit. I also think that this same "purposeful marginalization" is something which adds further theological credence to Dionysos being also validly a trans woman and nonbinary, as He does not sit within a patriarchal "Him"-ness, but rather within a "Him"-ness that refers to a more equal world.

Moving on to Semele-Thyone, we have a wonderful ally in a divine woman, sympathetic to humans, who knows full well not only the sufferings of humanity, and the pain in disrespect, but also the importance of kindness and respect towards others. In Greek mythological and religious canon, Semele-Thyone became the Goddess of the Bacchic revel, which, if you really think about it, isn't just about the Bacchic revel (it's never "just about the Bacchic revels"). This also tells us that Thyone, like Her Son, is also a God of the marginalized. Like Dionysos, She oversees the safety and wellbeing of the community which Her Son has founded. In some way, Thyone has become a Mom to all of us, through Her assistance with the divine inspiration that strikes frenzied devotees. It's a caring thing, too!

Anyways, the long and short of this is - Dionysos loves His Mom, Semele-Thyone is an incredibly underrated Goddess, and Mother's Day was yesterday. So hug your mom if you've got a good relationship with her, and if not, we can all borrow Dionysos' Mom :)

[lavandaea]

*inhales deeply*

There's spoilers ahead so, yeah, be careful.

This weekend episodes have actually broken my soul.

He didn't even need his feelings to be reciprocate, HE JUST WANTED TO BE WITH HER.

Dear writers, some things to ask, why so much screen time to second male lead? Why create such chemistry? Such backstory? (Spoiler alert: that will make us sympathize with the supposed villain) To just fuck*ing rip his heart out and pulverize it like Grandma with the cow bones, yes, just like that.

Let me get this straight, after having been raised in an environment of violence, pain and God knows what else for God knows how long, he falls in love. He experiences ✨feelings✨ ,he puts all his trust in her like never before, he shares his past and then he gets betrayed.

I swear I never seen someone cry so with so much meaning, feeling, with so much back there.

We made progress for the last (at least) five episodes TO JUST END IT IN A SINGLE ONE.

This could have been handled a lot better in a lot of ways and about a lot of topics that I could actually write an essay.

Let's begin the the main leads.

So, in order to have some sort of feeling about ML and FL loving eachother you need to put screen time ON them. Yeah, they support eachother, they have known far before Si Oh, they are funny and a lot of things more. They even kissed and very passionately, wow.

Just one thing, Why didn't I even blink during that scene but found myself hitting the pillow and blushing when Si Oh did such mundane things as taking her home, opening doors for her, fixing her purse, hair, looking at her with those "I love you" eyes,👏feeling👏guilty👏about👏making👏her👏uncomfortable👏 with👏his👏feelings👏for👏her HELLO??, WAVING HER BACK WHILE HE WATCHED HER GO, SMILE EVERY DAMN TIME HE SAW HER?

I´ll tell you why. Because I know, thanks to you, that Si Oh was experiencing for the very first time what it's like to have human interaction that doesn't involve violence or having to be wary of everything and everyone all the time.

Even after having lived a life of shit, even after still living a life of absolute shit he still wanted to be connect, to be happy, to make her happy, to love and be loved. Moreover, I couldn't help just to feel happy for him, sad, angry, fucking rageous (not more than him, obviously).

Meanwhile, I barely know Hee Sik aka the male lead.

I remember seeing his mother once and I think that's what I understood about his private life. Sorry, I forgot about his deceased brother, that could have been a good topic to develop if it wasn't just mentioned once somewhere in the sixth chapter and left there to rot. Other than that, I know he is a cop, loves his cops friends and loves Nam Soon, also he is really loyal and good person.

Nice👍, very nice. But that's not personality or backstory, that's a job and some general traits everyone should have to live in a society and have a job where you usually do the teamwork thingy.

So, what else??

Or does the man just exist for his job and girlfriend?

It is just I simply don't understand it, you create a seriously complex character that has all kinds of potential and you want us to root for...Yeah, no. He literally could be an extra with how little and simple information we receive about him.

Even Shi Oh had some time to box being a drug dealer and full time whipped for her.

I'm just saying that you want me to suddenly dislike someone you took a considerable amount of time explaining but I have to like this good guy because you just pointed at him 👉🧍, and said, "here's the good guy, please love him"

Sorry, I cant do that.

If you haven't noticed, you just made a character I fell obliged to sympathize.

If you wanted to make him evil and hot you should have just made him evil and hot.

It worked just as well with Jang Han Seok from Vincenzo.

Not have him have "REDEMPTION" written all over him just to go with "Actually, no. He has no chance. 😃". It is for lack of a better term, frustrating. (Pointless)

Instead, maybe you should have dedicated that screen time for the construction of the main leads relationship.

Oh, yes. Another thing since we are talking about the matter.

ML and FL relationship progress got weaker and weaker since she had started to spy on Si Oh. And then one episode it was like "Oh, yeah, forgot to tell you, they are actually dating by now" Bom, a kiss. If I need a kiss to know they are in love, there's something going on back there. If a great amount of people are rooting for a couple that is not the main one, something is going on there.

Something lacking.

Scenes of them in love: well acted, nice, cute, cool, okay. But it is like picking a random romance book and start reading it ten chapters ahead, they are in love, but how did this happen??? Last time I check, they were in a friends-catching-fealings-zone.

Where's their development?

I know where is it. In the fake relationship, that it was being used just to turn Si Oh into a complete monster with probably not chance of going back.

"You have suffered a lot, yeah, I see. Anyway here's more pain. Suffer more and go cause some trouble because if not, there's, apparently, no plot"

Nice job.

I have been saying this and I will say it again, kdrama writers/directors are not ready for traumatized villains. They are afraid of them.

[not-poignant]

Sorry this is so long I literally cannot help myself:

I’ve been a reader on ao3 for a long time. This year, for the sake of giving my brain something new and in order to be a mysterious hottie on the metro, I’ve challenged myself to read some published books. It has been a really fun and very interesting experience. I could write essays of personal and literary reflections.

But, favorite author mine, one difference I did not expect, and in hindsight it should have been obvious, was the vast, essentially ideological difference in what is called smut.

I started reading the Court of Thorns and Roses series and it’s good, I’m having a good time. But the thing is, everyone calls it faerie smut. And I guess it must be. When I heard faerie smut and decided to give the series a try, my faerie smut background came from ao3, namely fae tales and the ice plague.

“With each thrust I felt his love and saw the stars” really has nothing on “my entire family burnt and now my lover has his hands in my mouth and up my ass while he heats me up so thoroughly I’m basically delirious and then our sex mentor wine aunt was hungry and told me I was doing good while he drank my blood and his lover who is also the king casually reads nearby likely with bits of flesh stripped off him as an act of sacrificial love.”

The thing is, the sex scenes I’ve read in Sarah J. Maas’s series don’t really… do much. Regardless of crazy scenario, essentially every of the many erotic scenes in the fae tales verse either moves the plot forward, is essential to character development, or showcases emotional intimacy. (Which, tangent, is why you’re more recent works that generally showcase way less sexual content still feel so similar because the plot is still moving forward, characters are still developing, and the emotional intimacy is still so delectable.)

So anyway, reading book books has been really nice and a surprisingly reflective experience. I kinda forgot how little is considered scandalous by so many.

(And also, compared to ao3 which I usually read on my phone, it’s very difficult to read physical books while horizontal. Another plus for ebooks?)

Hi hi anon!

I'm glad you're enjoying the experience of reading 'book' books! :D I've heard many good things, and while I'm not likely to read it (I don't read cishet m/f if I'm not being forced to), I think it's awesome that it's going so viral and getting lots of folks into fantasy :D

As for the ACOTAR sex scenes, I haven't read them, but I feel like they fall into a certain kind of spicy sex scene being written right now that falls under 'explicit' for readers not used to seeing this stuff in fantasy, but absolutely kind of doesn't for people used to reading smut on AO3.

I find for myself, I can't handle these kinds of sex scenes because they're often over in like one or two pages and they feel very empty to me. They're not empty to many readers and I'm not trying to say they're empty overall, I just need a lot more emotionality, meatiness, and often character-based stakes.

Or I think about it this way: I've written sex scenes that are easily 6,000-9,000 words long. That's a tenth of a written standard-length novel. That's too long for novels. This is why you never see these kinds of sex scenes published anywhere except for erotica, and in erotica there's pressure to make the sex scenes shorter anyway. The only place where I know I can safely write sex to the length and breadth I want to is in serials, on AO3.

Authors in the mainstream book-writing world are kind of forced into a shape that fits the length of the book they're writing. If they write three very deep/lengthy sex scenes of the length that I write at, firstly they'd be thrown into the erotica dungeon (can no longer be searched for on most distribution websites), and secondly, that means they lose a lot of space for writing story, which for many of these writers does not happen during or because of sex scenes.

Authors can still sometimes write very hot sex scenes in a few hundred words, or one or two pages, don't get me wrong! But the vibe is different. I've never really liked sex scenes in anything published except for erotica, because it often feels... idk, like for example this line:

"“With each thrust I felt his love and saw the stars”"

Idk if this is canon to the book, but for me this means nothing. Why is the character feeling this way? What is it about the thrusts? What is it about the pose? Is it about eye contact? (And is this innately comfortable? How neurotypical is this character?) Undulation? Does he linger at the end? Is it because he circles his hips a certain way? Because that's not love, that's just talent.

I suppose for me, as a reader, I need explanations that let me understand why emotional shifts are happening in a sex scene. In the same way that I would need them in any other character change.

Other people I think can suspend their disbelief better and think 'wow that sounds amazing and hot.' I'm like 'I don't get it.'

And that's very much a me-problem! It's just a me-problem that I think I share with quite a lot of other readers, which is why we're all out here enjoying much longer sex scenes and then realise we can't really find them anywhere except for like... AO3, and some manhwa and manga and published erotica lmao. (I do think you're actually also more likely to find it in like f/f and m/m of any genre).

Anyway, on the flipside, some people find my sex scenes way too long and don't see the point. So all this stuff needs to exist for everyone! I just yeah, really like sex scenes where character stuff is happening. I can't write them otherwise, likely because I'm ace, and don't really find 'look at hot body = want to have sex' a thing that's relatable.

[artiststarme]

Shakespeare? Gay as hell

Based on this post about Eddie getting held back for writing about gay characters in Shakespeare. Thanks to @lunaraindrop for needing more of his essays! I hope you guys like it and please leave your thoughts in the comments!

~*~*~*~

Many relationships can be observed in William Shaksepeare’s Romeo and Juliet. However, the most important relationship is not between the famous star-crossed lovers. No, instead the most important relationship is between Tybalt and Mercutio, another pair of star-crossed lovers often overlooked by the conservative, religious audience of the play. This relationship highlights the struggles of the homosexual community in the fourteenth century as well as those that still exist today. By analyzing the tragic gay relationship between Tybalt of the Capulets and Mercutio of the Montague side, efforts can be made in the present day to prevent tragic endings to gay relationships in the 80s.  

Eddie didn’t know why he got called into the principal’s office. He was three weeks into the school year and he hadn’t even done anything yet. He’d been attending all of his classes despite how goddamn early they were and he’d been turning in all of his schoolwork. They had no reason to pull him from his lunch and tentative new Hellfire members. 

His confusion only grew when he saw Wayne sitting awkwardly in one of the office chairs. “Uncle Wayne? What are you doing here?”

“Hell if I know,” he grumbled. “They said it was important that I be here. Boy, I haven't been in the principal’s office in over thirty years. What the hell did you do?”

Eddie threw his hands up in defensive surrender. “I haven’t done anything! Whatever they say is lies and slander! I’m innocent!”

He heard a scoff behind him and turned around to see Mrs. O’Donnell, his senior English teacher. She was a rigid old woman that wore three too many layers and went home every night to her twenty-seven cats and no husband, or at least that’s what Eddie assumed. She was standing next to an unimpressed Principal Higgins that glared at Eddie when their eyes met. 

“Sit down, Mr. Munson. Now, we’ve called you both here today to discuss some concerns. It seems that Edward here has some… perversions that we are concerned about.”

“Perversions?!” Eddie shrieked. What the fuck?

Uncle Wayne sat up straighter in his seat. “No, that’s not Eddie. I don’t know what this is regardin’ but my Eddie is a good kid so you must be mistaken.”

Mrs. O’Donnell slapped his latest essay on Hamlet down on the desk in front of Wayne. “Read it! He’s disgraced one of the grandest plays of all time!”

Everyone sat in silence for a moment while Wayne read his paper. Both Principal Higgins and Mrs. O’Donnell looked almost giddy as they waited for Wayne to start yelling at him and his ‘perversions’. Instead though, Wayne just hummed and leaned back in his seat.

“I think it’s great, wonderfully written. The sex scene between Tybalt and Mercutio was a little graphic for my taste but it was beautifully written. Eddie always has had a gift for writing stories.”

Mrs. O’Donnell’s jaw dropped in the utmost offense. “Excuse me?! This is not ‘wonderfully written’, this is a travesty on Shakespeare’s good name!”

“You’re his teacher, ain’t you? You should be happy that your teaching is inspiring such creativity. Great job on your part,” Uncle Wayne told her. 

Principal Higgins dismissed them hurriedly and as they left, they could hear Mrs. O’Donnell’s shrill screeching from down the hall.

He didn’t pass her class that year.

~*~*~*~

In the play Hamlet written by William Shakespeare, the most important theme is love. The love between King Hamlet and his son allows his ghost to appear from beyond the grave to pass along important information to aid in revenge. The false love between Claudius and Gertrude causes revenge to spark and ultimately people to die. Perhaps most notably, the romantic relationship between Hamlet and Horatio proves the most important. It shows that love can persist beyond heterosexually bearded relationships, as Hamlet’s is with Ophelia. Furthermore, it shows that love can exceed death, as Horatio’s feelings continue even after Hamlet’s death when he kills Claudius in revenge. 

Honestly, the calls down to the principal’s office had become routine. Eddie was always being pulled out of class whether it was for goading on the basketball team, stealing Billy Hargrove’s clothes while he was in the shower, or allegedly selling marijuana to freshmen. It was always something. 

But when he walked in to find Wayne sitting uncomfortably in the office chair once again with Mrs. O’Donnell and Principal Higgins standing behind the desk, he let out a groan of annoyance. 

“Jesus Christ, can you not just let me live my life?”

“Eddie, don’t talk like that. Treat them with respect,” Wayne scolded him. 

“Mr. Munson, I don’t want you exposing my eyes to your homosexual writing urges. Unlike you, William Shakespeare was not a faggot!”

“Now you wait a damn minute,” Wayne said, whirling around to face Mrs. O’Donnell. “It ain’t my Eddie’s fault that this Shakespeare fellow was writing about gay characters in his plays. Just because Eddie is noticing them doesn’t give you the right to put him down or spread your lies. Grade his paper properly like you should be doing and stop trying to stomp all over my boy’s creativity!”

Uncle Wayne grabbed his arm and pulled him all the way out of the school to his truck. They drove to the diner a town over, the best place now that Benny’s was closed. He turned to Eddie in the cab of the truck and rested a calloused hand on his shoulder. 

“Look Eds, people are always gonna try and put you down but it’s your job never to stay there, alright? They don’t like your paper because it's too gay in their eyes? Write some more, do what makes you happy. And if you are gay, that’s okay too. I’ll always love you no matter what.”

By the time he’d finished, Eddie had tears dripping down his face. “I’m so sorry, Uncle Wayne. I didn’t want to be and I tried so hard-”

“Hey, stop that. There’s nothing wrong with being gay and you can’t believe anyone that says that there is, you hear me? Now c’mon, let’s get some burgers and you can tell me about any crushes you have at school. Any handsome fellas around here, you think?”

From that day forward, Eddie stops putting filters on his writing. Wayne told him that there was nothing wrong with him and he’d never lied to him before. He started making every character in his essays gay, he even added some gay characters to his campaigns and when no one questioned him, he centered the entire campaign around a lesbian elf saving her girlfriend from a horde of homophobic goblins. His friends didn’t so much as blink and Wayne beamed at him in pride when he told him about it later.

No, he didn’t pass his English class that year either but he remained true to himself and according to Wayne, that was the best thing he could do.

~*~*~*~

In the play Macbeth by William Shakespeare, the major theme of the play is homosexuality. This can be observed when Lady Macbeth convinces her husband to start killing all of the men that she thinks had a crush on him such as Duncan and Banquo. However, it can be seen most prominently when Lady Macbeth kills herself, may she rest in peace, because she realizes that despite all of her actions, Macbeth will remain fucking gay as hell. 

Eddie received a note from Mrs. O’Donnell the last class before Spring Break that summoned him to the Principal’s Office upon his return to school. However, with the murder accusations, earthquakes, and sheer amount of deaths, his summons was thrown to the back of everyone’s minds. 

Eddie graduated that year, passing Mrs. O’Donnell’s class with a pity A- but passing nonetheless. He walked across the stage with Uncle Wayne and the Party in the audience, ignoring the slurs and hate being screamed at him and focusing on Steve’s wolf whistling. Afterwards, everyone went back to the same diner that Wayne had taken him to a year prior and they celebrated the fact that he finally graduated. Who knew that all he had to do was remain true to himself and win over Mrs. O’Donnell?

(Or maybe it was the horrific events over Spring Break that allowed everyone to graduate despite how bad their grades were, but no one will ever know.)

My Permanent Tag List: @doubleb11 @nburkhardt @zerokrox-blog @newtstabber @i-less-than-three-you @straight4joekeery @carlyv @pyrohonk @ksherlock15 @conversesweetheart @estrellami-1 @suddenlyinlove @yikes-a-bee @swimmingbirdrunningrock @perseus-notjackson @anaibis @merricatty @maya-custodios-dionach @grtwdsmwhr @manda-panda-monium @lumoschild @goodolefashionedloverboi @mentallyundone @awkwardgravity1 @anzelsilver @jestyzesty @gregre369 @mysticcrownshipper @disasterlia @lillys-weird-world @messrs-weasley @gay-stranger-things @pnk-lemonades @coolestjoy30 @awkotaco24

@strangerthingfanfic @dangdirtydemons @bookworm0690 @hannahhook7744 @dreamlandforever @marsbars97 @precursorandthedragon @romanticdestruction @5ammi90 @death-thee-nervousqueer

[isalisewrites]

A ramble on writing where April broke my heart

Hooo boi.

March was a dream in comparison to April.

Emergency gallbladder surgery? Someone faking their death in my server? Good times. I wanna go back.

I have been through much in three short months. April has shown that it's taken a toll. I have missed many more days of writing. I'm still missing them in May. But I'm slowly gripping onto the last vestiges of my raw determination, all while in the face of so much.

I had a falling out with my closest family member that shook me to the core of my heart. I barely slept for most of the month again. Gallbladder surgery has proven to have some complications on my nervous system, making normal daily life difficult where it's hard to sit or lie down without experiencing full body numbness and tingling in various areas, including my hands and fingers. (No, not blood clots. 100% without a doubt it's my nerves.)

If you've followed me here (post one and two) and have read my author's on Terrible, But Great Chapter 30, then you know what went down with my family member. It took so much of my time and energy. I wrote well over 8,000 words trying to reason with this family member, only for all of it to be scorned and mocked. A part of me feels like that energy was wasted. I could have 8,000 more words in TBG, but I don't. This is all I have.

A part of me looks at it and says, "Give it back. Give me back my writing." What happened to January? Or even February? What happened to the girl who could wake up at 4am in the morning, an hour before she had to leave for her hysteroscopy, to power write 700 words?

Some days, I go up the stairs and I'm winded like I ran a marathon.

Some days, if I walk on the treadmill for more than 6 to 10 minutes, I feel like I'm dying.

It's been an uphill battle. The struggle is real, but so am I.

In the last week of December of 2023, when I realized how long it would take me to finish Terrible, But Great, I was overcome with what I call 'The Stirring.' I don't know what else to call it, but it always has an air of mystery and premonition for what it is to come. I thought at that time, "If I had limited time to live, what do I want to do?"

"I want to write."

So, I did.

In 2023, I published a total of 43,000 words in TBG. In 2024, from January to April, I've written 110,604 words and have published 35,000 words thus far. The year isn't even halfway over and I've done better this year than I have last year.

In spite of it all, I'm doing pretty damn good.

There's still hope. I'm not giving up. It might feel like morale is low, but it's not. I'm going to keep going as much as I can through all the hardships because writing is truly the one thing that breathes life into me.

By the end of April, I finished my business class with an essay about how the class shifted my beliefs. This class in combination with all of my health issues and social conflicts sparked an overwhelming revelation and a new rising determination within my soul.

You see, you all have witnessed my love and passion for writing Terrible, But Great, a Harry Potter fanfiction, but I also have original stories that I've wanted to write. Yet, I haven't been able to finish them because I'm always thinking about the market in the real world, instead of what I want and what the story wants. Fanfiction, I can do whatever the hell I want and yall are just gonna have to strap in and hold onto dear life cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride. Original novels, however, are done differently and I've often struggled due to so many factors.

I have ADHD. I am autistic. I have health issues which are rapidly piling up on top of each other. My career choice might not even be feasible for me in the long run, so why I am allowing myself to be pressured into doing more than I can handle with a class load?

I want to write. I want to write. I want to create.

Oh, how I want to create.

So, I will.

Two years ago, I gave up on my dream of writing original novels and earning a living through them. I've since repented of that notion. As I continue write Terrible, But Great, I'm also going to be working on my original novels on the side. Someday, perhaps, I'll be able to earn a living as a published author.

That's my realistic ideal.

I wrote 457 words today, May 9th. That's good enough. The goal this month is to write more than April. I can do that. On the days where prose is hard, I simply write my scene idea in a zero draft style. I don't worry about the prose; I'll fix it later. Every word counts. Every word can be changed. Every word can be made better.

Every word is good enough.

Until next month.

[david-talks-sw]

any new Star Wars essays in the making, or are you moving on?

I don't know, honestly.

Part of it is "life gets in the way," I'm working a lot and so whatever time I have left is spent just messing around or meeting with my loved ones.

I've got a bunch of stuff in my drafts. I don't mind sharing it here, most recent to oldest:

Sort of a joke post of me pointing out how stressful being George Lucas' producer must've been, like this guy really DIDN'T WANT to write his fucking scripts, did he? Poor Rick McCallum. Abandoned because who gives a crap.

'Ask' reply on how EU-fueled fandom perception of the Jedi was flipped by the prequels.

'Ask' reply about the themes in Ahsoka and why the show doesn't know what it's about. Problem is, I go about it starting from the basics, so nobody's gonna sit through reading a tematic breakdown of the first Pirates of the Carribean movie, The Batman and the original six Star Wars films before I even get to the show at hand.

"Part II" post about what Ahsoka, Rebels and TCW get right about lightsaber duels, which the Prequels never did.

Quote collection & analysis on just how complex the Prequels were meant to be (in the late 80s, Lucas intimated that the Sequels were the story that was supposed to have gray morality, not the Prequels)

Quote collection on how the themes and principles of Star Wars align with Lucas' own opinions and philosophies.

Quote collection on Lucas defining Anakin's flaws.

Quote collection on Lucas talking about the fact that we need to be more proactive, which aligns with what Lumi points out sometimes about the Jedi: they should've been more politically engaged because we all should be.

Why I approach Lucas as "word of god".

Personal life/joke-y post dating from the time of the WGA strike about how Jack Black's School of Rock lyrics "In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, but the legend of the rent was way past due!" applied to me. Abandoned because I didn't wanna bum everyone out.

Correcting the notion that Dark Times-era Jedi such as Kanan or Ezra or Ahsoka represent what Jedi were supposed to be.

A comprehensive end-all outlook on how Anakin's flaws all tie together. I've written this one twice and I don't know how to differentiate it from my other posts.

A secret "Part 3" to my TLJ Luke post, in which I point out that RJ's being too "indie", while being a strong point for a big chunk of the film, hampers the film's ability to make Luke feel as badass as he does on paper. I want to illustrate a storyboard for this one, but that takes time.

The evolution of Star Wars' approach to transmedia.

Debunking Star Wars myths: a (very) comprehensive outlook on children in the Jedi Order.

Problem is that only like 2/3rds of these are fully-written... and I still need to find the relevant clips, turn them into GIFs, etc etc.

There's many other interesting Asks in my inbox btw. But I'm already behind on all these, so I haven't begun to touch them.

Then there's the drawings.

I wanna draw a comic of the meeting between Yoda and Dooku in Dark Rendezvous. I wanna finish the comic fight between Maul and Ben. I wanna draw Mace, Shaak Ti, I've got a Luminara fan-art that was supposed to be ready for Jedi June 2022 and an Anakin drawing that looks weird. No time, nor am I skilled enough. (Like, I trace, that's what I do, it's not a secret I've said so before... but it takes me a long while to do so. I'm not fast at drawing, let alone coloring.) I could commission some of these, but there are obvious obstacles there.

There's fun tidbits I've discovered here and there but nobody will care about them and I usually try to not drown my blog with bs posts.

Then there's the bigger problem.

All the things I've listed above? I'm not 100% motivated to finish. But a lot of the new stuff I wanna write about is hella negative.

I had a lot of stuff I wanted to say about Ahsoka. But it wasn't all good. It was mostly me bitching, be it about the show or the fandom's reactions to it.

I've also got more stuff to say about Filoni's take on Star Wars, but I've talked about why it's inaccurate like 8 times already, and I don't actually dislike the guy, like there's plenty of things he knows and does that I think are awesome but also people won't stop putting him and his takes on a pedestal and--

oh shit, there's Acolyte too, I forgot about that, gray morality galore, here we come. But here too, like... I've talked a couple of times about why this entire gray morality thing is actually just the gen X-ers trying to make the prequels "cool" and "complex". but I've never explored properly, with quotes and research and shit. but i've talked about it so many times that at this point it'd end up like the Filoni rants, redundant. "we get it already." as if this show didn't have haters lined round the block for absolutely sexist reasons.

Don't get me started on the mountain of lies and/or idiocy that is the YouTuber Star Wars Theory.

And yet he said one thing a few months ago which struck a chord within me and it's the fact that Andor is awesome, excels on all levels because it's treated seriously, like a proper show, not a Disney Plus one... why wasn't Obi-Wan Kenobi? Why wasn't Book of Boba Fett? And I've already established multiple times that I enjoyed Kenobi (yes, including the Reva parts) and I've established that I know what they were going for in Fett and I've established that this is mainly a "Disney Plus didn't know how to structure a fucking show pre-WGA strike" issue more than anything else... but when I think about how these could've been treated instead? When I look at the characterizations and emotional stakes of like Fargo Season 5? It's infuriating. Because it's not bad (talking about Kenobi, BOBF is awful)... but it could've been EXCELLENT and instead it was just "okay" to "good".

I just miss live action lightsaber duels, man. Like, good ones.

and i dunno. maybe I should just let it rip on all this. "go off, king!"

but I think there's so much negativity re: Star Wars that adding my thoughts on these subjects, no matter how structured and reason, will just blend into a wave of needless, un-constructive hate.

maybe I should finish the writings in the drafts and just post them with no gifs, maybe just still images?

but doing any of that feels like a step back.

So that's where I'm at right now.

[studentbyday]

my 🧠 feels like ✨cHaOs✨ and so this post will be ✨cHaOs✨

I went to the biochem Q&A sesh today

and OMG DID I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS I DID NOT EXPECT TO HAVE THAT MANY but I'm glad I attended, else it would've taken longer to get a response but now I have to revise (and by that I mean cut) a LOT from my paper and re-think how I'm doing it, if I'm doing it right or veering off topic (bc one thing when you're researching a disease new to you is that there's sm info out there and you're like 🙌🏻 EVERYTHING IS RELEVANT 🙌🏻 but no- only the biochem-related aspects of the disease are relevant for this assignment). idk how off-topic i actually am or if i'm pretty on the mark, but ngghhh tHe FiRsT dRaFt Is DuE On TuEsDaY *frantically waves arms, noodle-like* 🙌🏻 that doesn't feel like a lot of time to write the whole thing in all the detail i want so i can get useful feedback 😫

catching up on psyc notes (total ch finished this week: 2/5)

idk why but pomodoro and perky jazz music is the only thing keeping me focused for this.

fixing biochem paper

i read somewhere on here about having a document of your cuts in case you need it again later. useful advice, that. 👏🏻 also, i think what i should do first is make notes in a separate doc and THEN decide what to do with all that info...it might sound like it'll take longer but it's more efficient than writing a whole bunch and then realizing half of it is info you don't need. my stupid panicky brain couldn't realize that in the beginning (even tho that's what it had done b4 for other "essay-like" assignments) and was either stuck in analysis paralysis or just editing and re-editing, but better now than later (i haven't written THAT much beyond the intro anyway 😅)...

in other news, i got enough sleep for once bc i went to bed super early and ACTUALLY FELL ASLEEP BEFORE 12AM LIKE WHAT IS THIS MADNESS (ig i finally tired myself out enough these past few days 🤷🏻‍♀️) and despite waking up multiple times throughout the night bc i'm not used to the schedule, i am well-rested 😌 and my back is still being annoying but at least it's a little better than yesterday + i get to study while cozy in bed 🥰

[nex-kyit]

This post is entirely me rambling about The Knight from Will Wight. Spoilers below.

I REALLY LIKED IT. Up until the last 10%, I would've said it was my favorite book Will has written, but the last 10% is just too fast paced for me. Honestly I feel like the D'niss threat could've been streched into another book, and just have this book deal with Esh'kinaar summoning, or at least have the entire last fight to be with Esh'kinaar, and not this Esh'kinaar 2.0. This is the only thing I didn't enjoy about the book. For now, I will say this is my current favorite Will Wight book, but thats rlly because I haven't reread Cradle in a while and I can't remember which book was my favorite.

Raion. Raion in this book i rlly rlly love him. Theres so much I want to say about him that I probably am going to forget to say stuff in this post. I could write essays about him and I already have many fanfic ideas

The scene where he is being tricked by the senators was so painful to read. How uncertain Raion was if what he was saying were the right words or not, knowing *something* was up, but not being able to read the room well enough to know what hit way too close to home. Honestly Im struggling to come up with the right words to describe the masterpiece the was chapter 24 to 31. It will stay in my mind forever. And then the D'niss come and the Perfected and Raion just blames himself?? Raion wants to take responsibility for everything and going after Esh'kinaar even though he knows for a fact that he died doing the same thing before??? The way he even had words planned and they were the SAME ones as before my heart-

Anyway I need to stop thinking about that scene or else I will never finish this post. Some more scattered thoughts

Varic was definitely the rich kid who thought he was special and talented enough to make it into the arena, only to be brutally humbled. "I had visions of myself following in her footsteps and setting records in an arena." -> immediately gets demolished by Kyri. Ahaha it didn't last long I hope we get to see more rich kid Varic in the future.

Speaking of Kyri, I really liked her character. She only appeared in a few chapters, but her arc was so interesting to read. I really like characters like her, where they just feel so real despite having so little screen time. Also, Kyri x Doctor Cryce.

Also, a small detail I noticed: In the Captain, Varic said he was a prize fighter on Visiria, but he clearly wasn't. It could be that he was actually a better fighter, but just did poorly against Kyri, but I feel like it would've been pointed out that he does win fights. I wonder if he returned to the arena after leaving the Titan Knights, assuming the D'niss haven't reached Visiria at that point yet.

I love how theatrical Varic can be. He 100% gets this from his Spellbinder life. "That was a cue if I ever heard one" -> attacks a child. Hey thats the second Will Wight protagonist to beat up a child!

"It wasn't uncommon for me to wake in the middle of the night" Ah so Varic's sleeping problems have resumed. This works well for some fanfic ideas I have...

I love how Horizon keeps dressing Varic up as his alt. lives. I am so looking forward for Varic in a suit or whatever he wore in the MoS life.

Horizon this book was just great. She was so pathetic it was hilarious.

OH and Benri being sus. I think the reason why he gave up the Zenith Cannon so easily is because of how the Vallenar Corporation is benefiting from the aftermath of the Starhammer's downfall. Benri was inspired by the Iron King, so he's trying to expand his influence. Its simple, if the crew has the Zenith Cannon, which the Vallenar Corporation can't use anyway, theres a larger chance that they cause some destruction, and the Vallenar Corporation can just pick up whatever was displaced. No more Advocates? More power in the Free Worlds. Going after the Galactic Union? Time to get ready to pick up some new planets.

[loadednachosao3]

(Hiii @eros-thanatos89 here!)

You've been on such a roll lately and just dazzling Lacho nation with an absolute embarrassment of riches of fic, and I've just been gobbling it up like the thirsty little gremlin I am! So thank you!!

Since I love your writing so much, I'm curious: who are some of your favorite writers/what're some of your favorite novels or short stories??

hmmm... GOOD question! I used to work for the library, so I read a LOT (more than just fanfic!), which makes this a hard question as well, lol. especially since I read more nonfiction than fiction!

but let's see...

my favorite classic/taught in schools novel would have to be 1984 by George Orwell. (hilariously/depressingly, right after trump got elected, my department had to buy hundreds more copies because they got requested so much). Orwell's writing is much more accessible to me than many older writers are, save for that whole proletariat essay thing in the middle that made me wanna cut my eyes out. the book is a very relevant and scathing hate letter to fascism, and the right co-opting it when they're the ones it's written about will never fail to piss me off. THEY HAVEN'T EVEN READ IT I KNOW IT I KNOW THEY HAVEN'T

Suzanne Collins may get a lot of billing as a YA love triangle author, but she's absolutely nothing of the sort. The Hunger Games may be a YA series WITH a love triangle, but they're ABOUT so much more. the way she so perfectly captures the flaws of our society in a way that we then completely validate when we make the movies? beautiful. poignant. 10/10.

Bones and All by Camille DeAngelis is one I admittedly never finished, but loved what I read of it. there's a movie that... ok I also didn't finish that one I HAVE ADHD OKAY but the very concept of a girl who, when she experiences feelings of deep love, gets the irresistible compulsion (and the ability) to eat them then and there is just a wonderful concept!

one of my childhood favorites is this book called Molly Moon's Incredible Book of Hypnotism by Georgia Byng. I picked it up thinking it was a manual, lol, but it's actually this cool little story about an ugly orphan girl who gets the power to hypnotize people, and uses it to become rich and famous. they made a movie out of that too, I think, but I never watched it.

the Unwind series by Neal Shusterman is about a dystopian future where the "compromise" to stop abortions is that parents are, up til their child turns 18, legally allowed to give their children up to be "unwound," a process that involves cutting them up and donating their body parts to donors... while they're still alive, so they're not "technically" killing anyone. chilling, particularly the sequence in the first book where we get to see from the perspective of a teen being unwound.

I will never forgive Hollywood for what they did to the Chaos Walking series by Patrick Ness. it's an AMAZING trilogy about a village that contains only men, who are all forced to broadcast/hear each other's every thought (the first few pages capture the chaos of this situation by using varying fonts and font sizes placed haphazardly around the page in a chaotic mess). the reason for the lack of women is a spoiler, so I shan't say more, but lemme just say, Mads Mikkelsen, baby, you were so good as the villain, but the movie version that smashed 3 books into 1 was so trash. talents WASTED.

Ness also wrote A Monster Calls for a younger audience, a haunting but comforting book about grief. I'd recommend it to anyone whose loved ones might be going through a long bout of illness or something of the sort, if you need to feel less alone.

so those are my top fiction picks! nonfiction is a whole other story, haha (no pun intended). I might remember some more later, but I hope this has given you a bit of insight into why I am the person that I am, and where I get some of my writing inspo! thanks for the great question!

[hotdamnmadison]

Just some Tuesday thoughts...

I've had the pleasure of getting to know a lot of great people via the internet these past few years. Sites like Tumblr, Fet Life, Double List, etc. have connected me with some pretty neat individuals.

But what spurred this little write up is the life cycle of those relationships. When you meet someone on a sex based website (or run a sex based blog) you see a lot of faces come and go. So many of us are on the hunt for something so specific. Some want a "one and done" situation... while others (like myself) want a drawn out scenario (call it dating, call it a FWB, call it what you call it).

I hate the part of the life cycle when I notice the change - the inevitable moment when a potential candidate has lost interest. Long essays and paragraphs turn into two sentence interactions (if that). Friendly/flirtatious conversation turns into a slightly degrative or judgmental interaction. In other words, someone shows their true colors.

I wrote a story over a year ago -

https://hotdamnmadison.tumblr.com/post/698363090093375488/and-ashley

It details a fictional, mostly toxic yet romantic interaction I might've had with a real person - if they hadn't experienced the change. (FYI the toxicity wasn't fictional, the romance sure was though.)

A character starts so eager and responsive - he knows that he has one shot at making a first impression with me. And then slowly but surely his excitement, his effort, and his desire all disintegrate in the matter of a couple weeks.

It is this part of the life cycle that I start giving up. I know the ship has sailed. I haven't changed anything on my end, so the issue is on the other side. And the moment I start to notice the change I tend to back away slowly. I'm not trying to get hurt again.

What causes this? Why is it most of the online relationships deteriorate? Is it the "cum and done" bullshit I've already written about?

Or did someone's wife catch them in the act? Or did I simply not give them my flesh soon enough?

Regardless, it stings so fucking bad when you think you've found someone who is different, only for them to turn out EXACTLY like everyone else.

I'm finally getting to my point. I'm tired of "online dating" and hookups. People aren't consistent enough for me and I don't know why they change. Maybe it is me, and I just can't see it for myself. I wish people would just come out and be honest up front....

"I don't want to date, I want to fuck... here is a pic if you're interested."

That person might not be my thing, per say, but at least we didn't waste two months while they lied to me about romance and dating.

Maybe I'm the only one dealing with this. Idk. It's aggravating and I'm tired of having the same convos over and over again - just to be let down at the end of it all.

[aobawilliams]

20 questions for writers

I was tagged by @marcellebelle! Thanks for that!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

15!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

69,471 (eheh, nice)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So on AO3 I got My Hero Academia, Detective Conan/Magic Kaito and Before the Coffee gets cold. Outside of AO3 I got some Naruto, FMA, One Piece, Bungo Stray Dogs, wips too (and there was that time I was writing crack fic about Mob Psycho here on tumblr with Panda, that was fun). There's probably some other I've forgotten too- oh yeah there was some Hetalia at some point.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Noisy as the dead (495)

Who The F- Is This (432)

Nothing Wants To Suffer (375)

Who am I beating up? (131)

What it takes to survive (72)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I tend to but lately, I haven't really kept up with it. I am sorry. I should get to it at some point soon, but be aware every comment is read and enjoyed.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Morituro, probably? Considering both All Might and Izuku died so, yeah.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I like to think it's Before The Coffee Gets Cold - The Sisters, since this fic is about closure after death.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Oh! I got once a hate comment on who the f- is this, to which i answered with an essay or two. I probably shouldn't have but also it was really fun at the time. Otherwise I don't believe I do.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I can barely write romance, smut is way out of my reach. I also don't really have any interest in writing any, to be honest.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Crossovers are probably right after Time Travel in term of things I love. Not one I've written but special mention to that one time I dream about Zabuza from naruto/Reigen from mob psycho as a ship.

Don't know if it's the craziest but I had a The Rising of the Shield Hero/Naruto one started once, there was also that Detective Conan/My Hero Academia one started with Panda that the idea was so good. We should get back to it, one day.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

*squint* I don't think so (unless it was done without my knowledge) but strong maybe back in my ff.net era. Though I did translate some fics myself before (it wasn't done very well, but I did try back then, and it did help me a lot learning english. Problem was I'm not good at grammar stuff.)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Once again, there was that cracky Mob Psycho one here somewhere. Also, some projects with Panda that are really good except words hard for both of us.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

...yeah no idea right now, come ask me another time. (It tends to change on the day, but also right now I'm on a no-romance streak so, better luck next time)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

*crying* all of them.

Okay so, first of all, a wip is never dead unless I decide to bury it. Which doesn't happens. I still have hope one day I'll get back to them.

Right now I really want to work on Dad For All and the DCMK NOC AU except, word hard and planning harder. But I'll get there, one day, even if it's in 10 years.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I honestly got no idea? I probably got some I'm just not sure what it could be.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

word hard. Also no idea how grammar works beyond "whatever feels right to me".

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Eeh, I probably wouldn't do it because it's bothersome having to look up a translation while you're reading a fic, unless it's something that fits with the context or just a few words here and there. Also switching languages in the middle of thinking is so hard to do, why would you do this to me.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Naruto, back in uuuhhhhhh probably middle school. It was a long time ago. Nothing is left of what I could have written then. (Also close to that time period was D.Gray-man).

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Huge huge huge fondness for Before The Coffee Gets Cold - The Sisters, probably because Im very fond of that universe and also when grief is explored and closure is sought. I also really like the flowers have water.

Who the f- is this and Noisy as the dead are my funny projects though, I have lot of fun working on them.

Tagging! @achairwithapandaonit @grolahvol @figurativepieceoftrash @bloustorm @fanfiction-artist-prototype @guesst and uuh really tbh anyone who sees this and feel like doing it! I just picked a few people off the top of my head but I know there's a lot more of you seeing this.

[knifedog-machina]

Gateway Operations: How My System Works

Written by Max on March 30, 2024.

I haven't seen many personal essays or in-depth posts by plurals that explain how their individual systems work and what their experiences are like, so I’m taking the alterhuman community mindset of Writing About My Personal Experiences as the host of a gateway system, just to archive my experiences in pen, since my memory isn't at all infallible.

I'm also posting on social media (instead of only a personal website) in hopes of seeing and being seen by other folks, people who have similar or different experiences! I like talking about myself, but not into a void, you know? I like it when people talk back! If you have replies, feel free to write them as a response! (If in a reblog, please put it under a cut if it's longer than a few paragraphs!)

Headmates and Visitors

First off, defining “gateway system.” I'm using the term to mean that the people in my system exist in an alternate universe - their version of a slightly futuristic Detroit, Michigan, in our case - and they walked into my brain as completely separate people from me.

My headmates are the people who I consider my brain roommates, the people who choose to live together with me in our daily life. So far this is a short list, just Jude and Gavin, because they like being here and I like having them around.

I've recently found that other people from their world can chime in from time to time - and they aren’t headmates, in my opinion, so much as visitors. They like talking to my headmates, and sometimes even to me, but they don’t want to live with me and just come and go as they please, usually just popping in when called (if they're free). So far, they’ve all been people who Jude and Gavin personally know, and people I know from their world and feel interested in. My working explanation for who can visit the system is that they’re all people in Detroit who we’re invested in, and if we want to talk to them enough, they can talk to us. Why? Who knows! What matters is that we can have a chat or two over lunch.

As the host, listening to my headmates talking to other people in their world really does remind me of listening in on a phone call - I’m not usually getting visuals from the other person, just their voice internalized in my mind. As far as I can tell, that's also how the whole thing gets filtered in-universe - for example, Gavin mentally called a friend from Detroit a couple nights ago, for the sake of trying to do so without expecting anything, and when she actually answered, it did solidify into a phone call, or at least she was talking into the phone on her end of the line.

The Back (and headspace, or lack thereof)

When I think about my headmates in the back, they’re in their apartment - which has mostly been Gavin’s apartment, historically, but Jude’s moved in. The impression I get in my mind’s eye when I’m visualizing the back is like that of a moving camera, seeing footage from a recording without being in the space myself. It’s very much their actual apartment, though - for instance, Gavin owns three cats, and if I focus on them, I can tell what they’re getting up to. As I’m writing this, I’m checking on the cats, and I get the impression that Lucy is taking a nap on one arm of the couch.

When Jude or Gavin check into the back, they tend to get impressions from their own points of view. For example, when Jude is laying on the couch and looking at Gavin in the kitchen, they’re using their own eyes for that, while if I’m the one watching him, I’m looking from a different viewpoint - it’s like my internal footage of them is being filmed on a security camera or using film shooting techniques, while they're just using their eyes like normal people.

This visualization is always very hazy and unfocused until I actually focus on what's going on, and then it clears up into a solid concept. It's a similar story for figuring out noemata or exomemory recall - from what I can tell, it all runs on a sort of Schrodinger's cat principle, where all the possibilities for what's happening are superimposed on one another until I'm actively thinking about it, and then it settles upon a single configuration and doesn't change again. For example, what the cats are doing. Jack is currently sitting on the windowsill, looking at the birds outside.

I used to think my internal camera was fixed to Gavin’s apartment, but since I've been able to look at other places, I think it's more likely that my headmates and visitors tend to talk to me when they're not busy, which tends to mean they're at home or otherwise unoccupied. A couple visitors were going on a walk in the park while talking to me, which was really quite nice. I've also found my point of view camera spinning over to watch them in their house, and that's quite different from Jude and Gavin’s place.

And because the back is their actual world instead of a mindscape that I made up, I don't actually exist in it. I can't project myself into my headmates’ apartment - I’m the host, so I live in this world, and I reside in my brain and body as thought patterns and self-perception. When I give up control of the front, I don't enter any specific headspace. If I'm co-conscious, I just exist as a disembodied voice, vaguely attached to my self-image and body, until I return to the front again. (It's not as disorienting as it sounds, I promise.)

Fronting and Co-Fronting

When my headmates are fronting, it's not like they blip back and forth between being in my world controlling my body, and being in their world controlling their bodies. They're actually in both places at once? I like to think of it like quantum superpositions, much like the memory and camera focus - if Jude is fronting and wants to hug Gavin back in their own bodies, they can do that! At the same time, they're still up here in my body. They can only fully focus on one or the other, though, so that's something that tends to happen more when I'm in co-front and can take over fronting.

Something that does happen for us, and happens so naturally that we didn't realize that other systems might not be able to do it, is partial possession. It's a new term for me, but it’s well-established in the tulpamancy community - basically, putting it into plural terminology, it's when one headmate takes control of some part of their shared body while co-fronting with someone else.

We do this voluntarily and semi-automatically, for a variety of reasons. When I’m suffering from sensory overload and don't want to eat despite being hungry, someone else might decide to take over eating while I keep using the spoon. If Jude wants to hold hands in co-front, they can take one hand and Gavin can have the other, and they can hold hands like that. If Gavin wants to walk while I listen to a podcast, he gets the legs and I keep the audio processing. It's a good thing for all of us!

Usually, when fronting, I can call someone's name to the back and get a response - this is how I know the difference between tuning in and out of headmate awareness throughout the day, where I can check in and get an immediate response if they're awake, and them walking out of the system for a time. When they leave, I call out and get no response whatsoever.

This gets distressing when someone other than myself gets stuck in the front, which happens when we're overloaded with stress, because that also makes it incredibly difficult or impossible to get responses from me or anyone else in the back, so it feels like the person in front is completely alone in there. For the record, this has always been a stress-induced communication breakdown for us, and we do always regain contact after calming down.

And I've found that our visitors also co-front sometimes, I think because they're used to having bodies and don't like being in the void in the way that we get when we aren't fronting or focusing on the back. (They don't usually care for it, which is part of why they aren't headmates - for example, Connor hates eating.)

I don't have a conclusion for this essay, really - it's a collection of observations, and might change or expand in the future. Who knows! It's nice to have it jotted down in one place, though.

[armed-saphire]

NOW ITS UR TURN WHO ARE YOUR MGS FAVS AND WHY!1!1?1!1?1!1?11!1! ٩( 'ω' )و

EHEHEEEE OK SO I'll say my fav from each game

Mgs1 is def Liquid he. He's so overdramatic it's really funny. He did so many backflips while explaining his tragic backstory 🥰 and then he just fucking died and turned into an arm which is the real tragedy (I have so many random HCs for him it's insane... I also rewrote his backstory a little...the recessive thing is so dumb)

Mgs2 I think it's a split between Raiden and Fortune. Raiden I really enjoyed playing as a character who is just... idk how to put it I just like that he's flawed and not some morally perfect charismatic guy. It feels like he's set up to be that way and then he whines about everything and is very dismissive at some points. It feels like he's a real person and not perfectly crafted to be the ultimate stereotypical good guy protagonist who can stay cool and collected in every situation. He has his moments where he lets emotion get the better of him and I like it a lot.

Fortune I have less to say about her but it doesn't mean I like her less. I think she's a really tragic character backstory wise but I also like how she sort of "plays into it" I guess? Ocelot points it out himself near the end of the game ("you couldn't get enough of the drama"). I thought the ending where she found out she could've died any time and she didn't have some magic ability was sad too and I lowkey wish she didn't die and was like redeemed somehow (imagine she comes back in mgs4 and has to go against Vamp or something that would've been so cool)..anyway I guess I didn't actually have less to say I like Fortune a lot blehhh😋

mgs3 AGH.. EVA ILY she is such a well written character and I love her so much I could write an essay on her if I wanted but I'll keep it more brief here. She's like a perfect subversion of the typical sexualized woman in video game thing...it's what she's doing as a spy for the mission and the best part is it doesn't even really work lol nice job snake. The game itself even adheres to whether Eva is in her Eva persona or her Tatyana one. It's....aghhhhghhh so great. (I have so many thoughts about her and Liquid btw)

Mgs4...difficult but probably Screaming Mantis. For real this time not a lot to say about her but I do like her a lot more since playing the game she went from my least fav B&B unit member to my fav one. She was really fun to watch in all her cutscenes and her boss fight was one of the best MGS boss fights I've ever done tbh. The callbacks and references to the first game were so good I won't lie I was giggling kicking my feet a lil bit. Screaming Mantis ily I have so many thoughts <333

Peace Walker ermmm Kaz and Paz equal I can't decide..also maybe Amanda. Yeah I like everyone a lot 😭 and Cécile....not Snake tho sorry lol. I haven't finished the game so I haven't gotten the full character arcs of everyone so it's hard to pinpoint exact explanations but you know I love Kaz forever and ever mwah mwah (I'm also a transfem Kaz truther and I'm RIGHT!!!). Amanda has a lot of really cool tapes explaining a lot of...not really exposition but it gives a lot of great context to her character. And her voice acting especially in cutscenes is some of the best voice acting I've seen in an mgs game so it adds a lot. Paz I need to learn more about her. I know basic plot points but not the inbetween stuff that really lets you get to know her. I do feel really sad for her though, Kojima decided he wanted shock value instead of a female character having a nice ending 🤷‍♀️ Sucks.

Mgsv QUIET!!!! QUIET ILY!!! she's soooooo OUGH. I'm glad a lot of the fandom has fixed her from her extremely flawed portrayal in the game because it shows what really could've been and I think I latch more onto that than the version of her in the game just a little. The foundation they were working with was still really good. The way they show her and venom building such a strong bond despite never having a single conversation is really well done and I like it a lot. Quiet ily my favourite creaturething killgirl my favourite ear biter offer...

[precious-little-scoundrel]

I don't know why I felt the need to share this with you so if you're bored that's ok, but I am so fascinated with the reception of all your ocs due to some informal research i did earlier in the summer in regards to The Brother's Karamazov (imo, super dense, but one of the best novels ever written). If you haven't read it, the plot is centered around three brothers the oldest Dmitri (a self-proclaimed scoundrel who loves partying and women and spending money), Ivan who is a sort of tortured intellectual but also very vulnerable, and Alyosha who is really the golden child and never makes a wrong move, moral, upright, kind etc.

Anyway, I got most of my friend circle to read it and by far and away, Alyosha was the favorite, and I get it, because duh, what's not to love. The groups that loved the other brothers were smaller but very devoted and had really compelling reasons for connecting with them. I'm sorry if this all seems totally pointless, but I've watched a similar process play out with your blog and it's so fun because I would definitely associate Lu with Alyosha, Maureen with Dmitri, and Ivan with Ida and while Lu has a really lovely and large fanbase, I also see the passion for Ida and Maureen and I kinda love watching this play out again.

Anyway, it's funny sometimes, because the brothers are very different and we would get so passionate defending our favs, but they didn't exist without their bonds with one another and I think the same could be said for your cool ocs. We root for our own, but in the long run, they root for eachother and are willing to accompany each other into hell and back - or where the author throws them!

Sorry about this, haha! But suffice to say, relating anything to one of my favorite novels ever is the deepest honor I could give anyone, so if you take anything away from this, let it be that! haha. Also I HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS OBVIOUSLY

OK FIRST OFF— anyone who compares one of their fave classics to any piece of drivel I have written immediately incapacitates me. I need you to get that, like, realllly get that, ok?! Because as a lit lover myself I know the worth of that, the weight behind it, the hours we spend pouring over these books and dissecting them and comparing them to real life and— to have that brought into TWC like this has me choked up.

Now onto your essay- you’ve got such fascinating points. Reading a Dostoevsky novel has long been on my list of happy things to do. Haven’t often there yet but I’ve totally binged the speak notes and the summaries. So I’m tracking decently. And your summarization of how they’re all so different and spark such startling loyalties or censure and yet the operate like brothers, as a unit at the end of the day, is really … YUM

It’s fascinating isn’t it? Rooting for fictional faves, one over the others sometimes but they’re rooting for each other and we get so invested and- it’s all just a mirror of the real world. God I love writing!!!!