#i honestly thought about getting a tattoo of the date of when I truly discovered them

[foxgloveinspace]

!!!

At the end of the day, Vessel gets to go home and take off the mask and be a normal ass man, and go to coffee shops and not be recognized, and me? I have to LIVE WITH BEING A SLEEP TOKEN FAN!!! sure I could be anonymous about it irl, but I already bought the fuckin sweatshirt. Vessel?? He gets to just go about his day, and be like ‘oh Sleep Token?? Never heard of them/not my thing’ and me?? I have to live with the fact that when I say ‘oh my favorite band is sleep token’ EVERYONE KNOWS IM HORNY, DEPRESSED, LONELY AND IN A CULT (basically).

Edit: I feel like I need to say, this post is Not about wanting Vessel to unmask, this is about how I have to live with being a Sleep Token fan. I am very much so an anonymous Vessel supporter (anonymous Sleep Token supporter) and I dont want people to think I am not lmao.

The read more is so this doesn’t ruin the funny goofy vibes of the og post.

[remosdeerica]

Batshit AU Pt #2: The Grandkids

So I mentioned in the last post Batshit AU Pt. #1 that I cover Dick and Jason's kids but since I've been thinking (read: fantasizing) about the future of the Batfam I figured I'd just do a post with ALL the grandkids!

Just a heads up: this is a LONG post.

First we shall start with the Grayson's:

Mar'i and Jake (Jake is not my original name I've seen it pop up in other media- dunno if it's canon in any timeline but I'm going with it).

Mar'i Grayson: Mar'i is the biologically daughter of Dick Grayson and Koriand'r of Tamaran (aka Starfire). Kori is unknowingly pregnant after one last one-night-stand with Dick before going back to her home planet to take over as queen. Unfortunately, because of Kori's sister Komand'r (aka Blackfire) causing civil unrest to try and usurp the thorn from her, Tamaran becomes unsafe for Mar'i as she is Kori's only heir.

-Kor'i goes back to Earth with an infant Mar'i and begrudgingly hands her over to Dick so she can live with him and be safe from Blackfire.

-Kori of course visits while she can but has a lot of responsibilities on Tamaran. When Mar'i is older she is able to go back to Tamaran to visit her mother.

-A few years later when Dick and Barbra get married, Barbra officially adopts Mar'i. Seeing both Kor'i and Barbra as her mothers Mar'i decides so call Kori "Mama" and Barbra "Mom/Mommy".

Jake Grayson: don't have much of an exciting backstory for him. He was basically just an orphaned infant Dick and Barbra decided to adopt after his bio-parents had been murdered.

Now he have the Todd family:

Because I am a heartless monster I decided that since Roy died in the comics without any sign of Lian and Jason was pretty fucked up about it, I would have Jason adopt Lian because Roy wasn't round to take care of her. So this is basically what happened:

Lain Harper-Todd: 1 year or so after Roy's death, Jason is visited by Jade Nguyen (aka Cheshire) who is carrying an infant Lian. Jade explains that she hadn't realised she was pregnant with Roy's child until after he was already dead and since she is not ready to give up her life as an assassin she states that Lian is better off without her. She then asks Jason if he would be willing to take Lian in as Roy's former partner (read into that how you will).

-Jason agrees, and decides to hyphenate her last name Harper-Todd so that she will always have a piece of Roy with her even if he can't be there for her in person.

it's not that I don't think JayRoy is cute! It's just that I honestly I don't really picture Jason dating anyone in my mind and the thought of him being a single dad is just precious. I'm also allergic to OC's (of my own making) so I usually try to keep to characters that are at least canon in some timeline and Lian was the first to come to mind.

Also I'm a angst-hungry monster so...

Drake-Wayne/Dowd/McGinnis household:

Lol, this family has too many names.

I already went over Terry and Matthew McGinnis' backstory in Batshit AU Pt. #1 but if you are too lazy/ don't feel like reading it I'll try to make sure to cover the important details.

Terry & Matthew McGinnis: A few years down the road, Tim is the current Batman and married to Bernard Dowd (my new fave batship). One night on patrol he finds the boys hunkered down behind an garbage container and approaches them.

-Terry is extremely protective of his younger brother Matt and becomes immediately aggressive, swinging a baseball around and threatening Tim to leave them alone.

-Tim finds it admirable/endearing that Terry is willing to face Batman alone in order to protect his brother and tells him so. He then asks them where there parents and and Matt (trusting Batman) tells Tim that they were killed by the 'Bad Men' who are now looking for he and Tarry.

-Tim is worried for the boys safety and offers to take them to the Police, but Tarry only says that they already tried that and that there are spies in the GCPD who ratted them out to the 'Bad Men'.

-Tim figures out that the boys are in more danger then he first realized and takes them home with him in order to protect them.

-Tim eventually finds out about Project Batman Beyond, an experiment orchestrated by A.R.G.U.S. in order to create the perfect child to usurp the Cowl and give A.R.G.U.S and 'in' with the Justice League and the super-community as a whole. A part of this project is making sure the children are biologically Bruce Wayne's in order for them to also gain influence over Wayne Enterprises.

-Tim realizes that there is no real safe place that he can send the boys and after discussing it with his husband, Bernard, the two decide to adopt the boys.

I think this adoption story is one of my favourites. Especially because I find the idea of Bernard not at all being surprised by his husband brining home black-haired blue-eyes orphans, hilarious.

Bernard: I figured since you are now Batman it was only a matter of time.

Tim: >:(

Wayne-Kent situation:

DamiJon is one of my absolute favourite ships in existence. But since both boys are so young in canon my version of their future relationship truly is creature of my own design, I will explain them a little and then the kids. I'll be quick about it. Promise. (There is also a 2 part series I'm working on that goes into my version of events called "Jon and Damian" if anyone is interested. Jon's chapter is done but Damian's is still in the works).

Jon: he is the one that I really have to explain. I call my version of him "Dark-ish Jon" or 'dark ish jon' for the tags. For those of you who already know the deal (or don't really care) y'all can skip to the *** for the kids.

-basically Jon was kidnapped by Jon-El (Clark's Kryptonian Bio-dad) in order for Jor-El to mold Jon into the perfect weapon for his plan to conquer the universe. They have a machine that Jumps through various timelines so no one can find them, and Jon-El trains/tortures Jon for 2 years.

-Jon eventually discovers new powers that allow him to kill Jor-El and escape but he ends up spending the next several years trying to find his original timeline.

-He eventually meets the Legion of Superheroes that help him get home, but once he arrives home he realizes that for him it has been 7 years since he was kidnaped, but only 2 weeks for his family/friends.

-Because of this he and his family find it hard to adjust to the new situation and Jon ultimately decides to return to the Legion but visit occasionally.

Damian: Honestly I don't think I really have to explain much about Damian for y'all to get the kids but I do want you to know:

He has long hair

He has peirced ears

Possibly tattoos?

He's has more of a slim figure than Bruce's bulky one

He is a fashion icon and kinda has 'bitchy white girl' energy

Bacically he very pretty and looks a LOT like Thalia

And yeah. The two eventually reconcile after Jon is done moping in another timeline and they decide to retire from crime fighting and build a cottage/farm and live in peace.

***

Athanasia: So she is actually Bruce's bio-kid from the Injustice timeline. And for my AU she is still Bruce's biologically and she does recognize him as her father, but because she and Damian are 13/14 years apart and she knows him better she lives and defers to him as her caretaker. I shall explain:

-Athanasia was created by Thalia in a fit of madness after Damian's death. Because of what happened to Damian, and because Athanasia turned out to be a girl (and therefor Ra's would have no use for her), Thalia keeps the little girl locked away and a secret so that no one can harm her.

-Years pass and Athanasia has never seen the outside would. Eventually something happens (will depends on the Fic -because I will get around to writing this shit eventually) and Athanasia is given to Damian (the only other person Thalia ever told her about.)

-At this point Bruce is getting older and most of his current children already have their own kids, so both he and Damian agree that because Athanasia is mostly attached to Damian and doesn't really know who Bruce is outside of being her father, that she will live with he and Jon.

-Athanasia get's older and eventually meets another girl at her school named Carrie Kelley. The girls form a quick bond, Carrie's louder personality complementing Athanasia's more quiet one.

Carrie Kelley: being best friends with Athanasia leads to Carrie spending a lot of time over at her house. This allows Jon and Damian to get to know the girl and become quite fond of her.

-one night after a sleepover at Jon and Damian's house with some of their other friends, Carrie's father comes to the house drunk and carrying a shot gun. He accuses Jon and Damian of being pedophiles because of their sexual orientations and calls them a variety of homophobic slurs.

-It's his attempts at shooting Jon that leads to Carrie calling 911 and having her own father arrested.

-Because her mother had already left and Carrie only had her dad to take care of her, Jon and Damian offer her a place in their home and eventually adopt her along with Athanasia when the girls are teenagers.

So, yeah! That's it for now. I am absolutely obsesses with this AU. I just love the idea of Bruce deciding to take in Dick leading to him having an army of children and grandchildren so large that all family gatherings have to happen at the Manor because nowhere else is big enough.

[thesleepiesthufflepuff]

My Favorite Fics 2020

Alrighty. I read a decent amount of fanfiction this year (mostly thanks to Wizards Hearts/Game of Drarry), and I’m here to list out some of my very favorites. Thank you to all of the creators out there who put so much time, effort, and energy into creating beautiful stories, and here’s to lots of reading in the new year 💜 also, this is in no particular order and all rec notes are from my personal fic tracker spreadsheet (if anyone wants details on how I set up my spreadsheet, etc. please feel free to send an ask!) 💕

1) Change on the Horizon by Static_abyss / @static-abyss [Explicit, 118.6k,]

When things settle down after the war, Harry has trouble figuring out who he’s supposed to be and what’s expected of him. At the same time, Draco finds himself having to decide between what his parents want and what he wants for himself. Together, Harry and Draco embark on a journey to figure out who they are as individuals and what that means for their future together.

A canon AU drarry fic based on the relationship between Mickey and Ian from Shameless.

Hands down one of the best fics I've ever read. Ana did the most amazing job at translating Micky and Ian's relationship to Harry and Draco, although it’s definitely not necessary to know Shameless in order to enjoy the story. The writing is stunning, and I loved every single bit of this

2) I’ll Play Your Game by JayseHasNoGrace [Mature, 52.2k]

After quitting the Auror department at the ripe old age of twenty two, Harry Potter finds a nice, uneventful job in an apothecary. At least, it's uneventful until his old rival Draco Malfoy comes into the shop.

They strike up an unlikely friendship, which evolves into an increasingly convoluted scheme, which then snowballs spectacularly out of control into a tangle of lies and blurred lines.

They'd agreed to a fake relationship — in Harry's case, to get the wizarding world to take him off his 'perfect saviour' pedestal, and in Draco's case, just to be given a chance in wizarding society at all — but neither of them expected just how difficult that might really turn out to be. Especially when the stakes grow ever higher, and they both start falling for each other. Just a little bit.

FAKE DATING!!! Ugh, this was so good. I love the media aspect of it, and the way that everything comes together is just brilliant. A must-read for anyone who loves fake dating!!

3) I Can be Your Lighthouse by orpheous87 / @orpheous87 [Teen, 4k]

When Harry gets called to investigate reports of Dark magic, the last thing he expects to find is an almost unconscious Draco Malfoy. After multiple instances, he resolves to find out what's going on.

inspired by the song The Lighthouse by The Used.

So, so sweet. I love Harry's determination to figure out what's going on. This is such a lovely fic, and I enjoyed every minute of it

4) Freedom to be by Quicksilvermaid / @quicksilvermaid [Explicit, 169.5k]

Harry Potter is the Boy Who Lived.

12 years after the war, he's become the Boy Who Lived For Everyone Else. He has the perfect wife. The perfect house. The perfect job. The perfect friends.

Only nothing feels perfect.

Until one day he stumbles across a club called Release and begins a journey of self-discovery that takes him to a very different place.

This left such an impact on me, and it’s a fic I think about often. I can't even begin to explain how incredible everything about this is.

5) Dear Diary by AWickedMemory (TeddyLaCroix) [Teen, 20.4k]

// This can’t possibly go worse than the last time I kept a diary. //

After the war, Harry picks up a journal to write in… and it writes back. Luckily, it’s not a Horcrux on the other end this time.

Absolutely amazing. The relationship that develops between Harry and Draco as they write to each other was so soft and wonderful, and I would easily read 100k of this!

6) Grounds for Divorce by Tepre [Explicit, 122.2k]

Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter.

A story about histories, a story about families. A story about a lemon tree somewhere in Upper Egypt.

I loved this. It was so angsty at times, but well worth it. An absolute classic that I’m so pleased to be able to say I’ve read.

7) Nero Su Bianco by Zuzallove [Explicit, 40.5k]

September 1997. Hogwarts is under the regime of Voldemort and the Carrows. Finding himself alienated by both his friends and his supposed enemies, Draco puts quill to parchment, and writes letters. He addresses them to the only person he can think of, as Hogwarts rapidly falls into chaos and ruin: Harry Potter. He goes to great lengths to ensure the letters are never discovered, and he’s pretty certain he’s done a great job.

Until the day of his trial.

The letters were so much fun to read, even though they were heartbreaking at times. I loved Draco’s characterization in this, as well as how his relationship develops with Harry.

8) Thunder by Keyflight790 [Explicit, 21.5k]

The storm will disappear; the rain will subside; but what's left in its wake will last forever. A story of love and loss, redemption and thunder

I really loved how well Draco's addiction was written. I'm not a huge fan of past relationships, but this was done in such a beautiful way. Plus, talking to dragons!!!

9) dirtynumbangelboy by magpie_fngrl [Explicit, 39.4k]

After Harry’s unfortunate encounter with his ex, Draco Malfoy makes him a proposition. Draco wants his parents to stop matchmaking him and Harry wants to make his ex jealous. All they need to do is simply pretend they’re in love. Problem is… Draco already is.

Amazing. This has absolutely sucked me into the world of fake dating. I could ramble about this forever, to be honest. Simply incredible, and I love how snarky their relationship was. It was the epitome of a good Drarry fic.

10) just tell me when it’s alright by M0stlyVoid / @bonesliketambourines [Explicit, 23k]

Harry’s been fighting tooth and nail for any bit of normalcy he can get his hands on. He’s sick of feeling like something’s wrong with him, tired of feeling different. He thinks he’s finally gotten to the root of it, and has settled into a routine that makes him happy. Naturally, that’s when Draco Malfoy walks back into his life and upends it once again. Has Harry bitten off more than he can chew with his former rival?

YES!! I genuinely loved Harry’s clinginess. This fic was absolutely amazing, and the secret dating was lovely. Plus, bi awakening!!

11) When Hippogriffs and Pygmy Puffs Collide by oldenuf2nb [Mature, 32.7k]

Harry Potter bakes cakes, brilliantly. Draco Malfoy inks tattoos, brilliantly. Owls deliver post, including messages from clients, with an occasional lack of brilliance.

I was really surprised at how much I loved this, especially since I’ve not really read many fics with odd jobs. I absolutely adored the fact that Harry was a baker and Draco was a tattoo artist, and the characterizations were absolute perfection

12) You Send Me (Honest You Do) by firethesound [Explicit, 37k]

As far as potion accidents go in general, and deaging incidents go in particular, Draco knew this could have been so much worse. Harry only lost about ten years, and all his memories are still intact. But the sight of him looking as if he’s stepped straight out of Draco’s Hogwarts memories has dredged up a whole mess of complicated feelings Draco thought he’d buried years ago, and Draco really doesn’t know what to do with any of it.

I absolutely adored this, and I thought the de-aging aspect was done is such a tasteful way. Such a good read.

13) Highly (in)Compatible by daisymondays [Teen, 36.8k]

Draco’s been shagging The Prat Who Lived on and off for a few months when his soul mark starts to change. Draco’s had to accept a lot of adjustments to his life, but accepting that Harry Potter could be his soulmate is one step too far. It can’t be true? Can it?

I LOVED THIS! Oh man, that ending!  Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant

14) Kiss the Joy (Until the Sun Rise) by ICMezzo [Mature, 37.8k]

The Room of Requirement was severely damaged in the war, but not so much that it could not provide for one lost student and another young hero—especially when they needed each other most of all.

An amazing, beautiful, tender fic! The ROR has given them the gift of each other, and I honestly love that it's just the two of them and no other characters. An incredible and soft read

15) December Never Felt So Wrong by MaesterChill / @maesterchill [Explicit, 50k]

'Twas the month before Christmas and sixteen year old Draco Malfoy had never felt worse. His attempts to kill Dumbledore were failing and, as usual, Harry Fucking Potter was a constant thorn in his side.

All that suddenly changed when Draco woke up 15 years in the future and discovered that not only was he allegedly shagging Harry Fucking Potter, he also had thinning hair and a five year old son, and no fucking clue how he got there.

Truly brilliant, and I was laughing from the start. The combination of the aging up, Harry’s off-tune singing to Muggle songs, and soft parenthood were all things I immediately fell in love with. Will be reading again and again

16) Catch Me If I Fall by keeli_marie [Explicit, 38.2k]

When Draco Malfoy collides with Harry Potter one morning while dropping the kids off at school, things don’t go quite the way either of them would have expected.

Another absolute gem, and I'm still reeling from how amazing it was. I'm always a bit hesitant with kid fics, but this is one of the best depictions of love between Harry and Draco that I've read. I love how supportive Astoria is. Such a lovely fic  

16) Love Found by Peachpety / @peachpety [Explicit, 7.5k]

During Harry’s sixth year, Draco Malfoy joins the Order as a double-agent and continues with his task to get the Death Eaters into the castle as assigned by Voldemort. Draco succeeds with his mission the evening Harry returns from the caves with Dumbledore. The boys reunite on the Astronomy Tower and, with the Death Eater’s arrival, are forced to engage in a fight, driving Harry to come to terms with his feelings about true friendship and romantic love.

SUCH a good rewrite of the astronomy tower scene. I can’t describe how much I love the pre-existing relationship, which is a trope I typically steer clear from. And the snark!!! Such a good fucking fic

17) Taro Milk Tea with a side of Depression by Veelawings / @veelawings [Mature, 1k]

Draco sat through twenty grievous minutes of Ministry-mandated group therapy for Newly Registered Magical Beings & Creatures — then promptly stormed out.

Okay, I loved this. The play format was so cool and fit the narration so well. Absolute perfection and SO. GOOD.

18) The Dragon At The Bottom Of The Garden by Zopno [Explicit, 52.3k]

At 25 Harry Potter's life was simple; he flew, sculpted, and had the vault in the back of his mind to keep all unpleasant business. It was stable, but when Draco Malfoy literally hit him with a giant rock; all that changed.

I loved the storyline, especially Animagus bird Harry!! This was such a unique take on an Animagus and post-war fic, and I loved reading it so much   

19) Exposure by GallaPlacidia [Mature, 26.9k]

When Seamus uncovers Draco Malfoy's camboy profile, he, Harry and Ron decide to anonymously book a private show so as to humiliate him later. Fascinated by Draco's confidence, Harry keeps booking private shows under the disguise...

Self prompt: Draco is a camboy. Harry betrays him.

I can't give this enough praise. The hurt of it all was so brilliant. A new favorite for sure

20) you've got the antidote for me by Kandakicksass [Mature, 20.7k]

When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want.

He's never been selfless before, but for Harry, he can try.

Fuck. Like...fuck. This was so sad and angsty and perfect in all the right ways. Watching everything unfold was so painful but so worth it. Another new favorite

21) A Room Up There (And You In It) by thestarryknight [Teen, 59.2k]

When Preservationist Draco Malfoy was assigned to work on Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, he was excited to delve into the gorgeous Black family antiques. His excitement quickly ended when something in the House decided it did not like his presence one bit. Featuring a grumpy antiques lover who most certainly did not sign up for this, encounters with a vengeful apparition, and a healthy application of Christmas spirit.

Absolutely fucking fantastic. This fic reads intimacy all over, despite there being no sex. I love preservationist Draco and the way in which information about Harry unfolds. I can’t say enough how much I loved this advent fic, and Starry did such a great job

And now for three fics that I have yet to read/need to emotionally prepare myself for:

1) Modern Love by Tackytiger / @tackytigerfic [Explicit, 61.2k]

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is.

And it really doesn’t seem fair that Draco Malfoy is back in Harry’s life, all of a sudden, and even though he’s wandless, and living with Muggles, and making his mother cry with his lifestyle choices, he’s happy. So what's he doing right, that Harry isn’t?

Because things don’t really change, do they? And if Harry can’t be happy, he’ll settle for a good night’s sleep, some posh antiques, and the opportunity to find out what Malfoy has been up to for all these years.

And that’s what starts it all.

2) Dragons Don't Know Paradise by  tainara_black / @teacup-tai [Explicit, 50.9k]

In 2004, when Remus spends two scary weeks in the ITU due to complications of pneumonia and his HIV condition, Sirius walks around the house like a ghost and Harry finds comfort and strength in Draco through a chat in an online LGBT forum. Harry falls for him, but Draco has a lot of secrets and, before long, will need to come clean—even if he believes that no one is able to understand a dragon.

This is a story about falling in love online and about facing the reality of death, but above all, this is a story about hope, finding love and acceptance. (Non-magical / bookshop AU, written for the 25 days of Drarry 2020)

3) Aeternus Solem by onbeinganangel / @onbeinganangel [Explicit, 36.9k]

On December 1st, Harry Potter gets sent halfway across the world to attempt to break a possibly fatal curse on an unnamed British Unspeakable — except said Unspeakable is not unnamed at all and Harry has been in love with him for over four years.

{If anyone spots any mistakes in this list, PLEASE let me know! I hope you all have a lovely New Year’s, and may 2021 be less of a dumpster on fire than its predecessor 💜}

[chappedandfadedvds]

Nov 14th, Saturday 19:48

„Oh my god. It is all Sander’s fault. I didn’t mean to vent on purpose. Nooo.“ Robbe whined into his microphone as he had been succsessfully voted off by the remaining three crewmates. Jens wasn’t one of them, he had been killed cold-blooded by his best friend in the first minute behind the goddamn tank. His body had never been found, to everyone’s surprise as his name had been greyed out with Aaron’s murder discovered a moment after.

They always switched back between games to their zoom chat, while the players remained in the lobby, waiting for a new session to start. So Jens did.

„I have literally done nothing.“ Sander laughed, kissing the top of Robbe’s head, before resting his chin back on top of the mop of hair, staring again onto the pages of his book. If the couple was one thing, it was physical and clingy. Both of them, not one better than the other. Jens thought amused, watching Robbe struggeling to reach for something out of frame. 

He was sitting between Sanders legs, his back against his boyfriend, who had wrapped his arms around Robbe’s middle, reading a book he hold in his hands resting in Robbe’s lap. Who himself had his laptop placed as close as possible up on his legs. The mouse probably on his right side in order to play. To Jens it looked a bit messy and uncomfortable, but they didn’t seemed to mind. If he was honest he had seen them in weirder positions before. Fully clothed. Luckily. 

„No I’m pretty sure you are to blame.“ Robbe insited, but grinning, knowing he was just looking for any excuse he could get. And his poor boyfriend was around to take it. Obviously Sander did without batting an eye.

„Well, then it must be true. Please accept my deepest apologies.“ His best friend, for the love of god, giggled in response. An unjustified righteous smile on his lips. Another kiss pecked onto his temple as Sander leaned around, as much as it was him allowed to from that angle.

„God, I’m not single, but if I do feel like it right now.“ Zoë voiced what many probably thought, Jens included. Not even Senne argued her case. Both boys, Sander and Robbe, dared to shrug almost simultaniously, causing them to be even more assured of their superiority.

Sometimes Jens thought they needed to be reminded that the world wasn’t just turning for them, but on the other hand they also were the slight proof that fated love might really exist.

„Another?“ Jana asked, absolutely addicted to the game. It had been a spontaneous idea really, as the broerrrs were contemplating what to upload to their channel if they all couldn’t meet up together to shoot something. So gaming it was. And from there it kinda spiralled into all of them now deeply engrossed in round after round of Among Us. They had footage for days.

„Fuck yea!“ Moyo exclaimed, followed by everyone nodding, before he added: „Had anyone heard anything from Lucas or Luca?“

It sounded a bit funny, a bit like a broken record at the end.

„Lucas posted something about his mom, I think.“ Amber said, looking for her phone to check. Jens knew that Lucas had texted them that he was out for today’s group plans. Jens also knew that it definitely was because of his mom. She was home til tomorrow and Lucas had been so excited, chatting away on the phone while he cleaned his flat in anticipation this morning.

Jens had done laundry in the meantime, both of them almost shoked when Lucas’s frontdoor was opened. They had talked for over two hours. About nothing really. So they quickly had bid goodbye, Lucas promising to come over late tomorrow, after he had brought his mom back to the hospital. Jens already missed him. 

„He has plans with his mother.“ Senne confirmed, having been faster than Amber. „And Luca told us, she’d join us at eight. Which would be almost now.“

„Then I’d say let’s wait for her? I’m gonna get something to drink, all the yelling in chat while voting is not good for my throat.“ Yasmina declared, already leaving her seat at her desk and walking away.

„Oh Robbe, I actually wanted to ask you something.“ Jens was reminded out of nowhere suddenly, catching the full attention of his best friend, who looked at him expectantly. So he continued: „My mom wanted to invite you over for dinner. She misses you, I think. And I suggested to her that we could all cook something together. If that’s alright with you, how does Tuesday sound?“

„Sounds great.“ Robbe agreed, Sander’s eyes glancing up from his book.

„Just this once, and he better be returned in perfect condition.“ Sander demanded, like the overprotective boyfriend he sometimes was, mostly to everyone’s and his own amusement. He winked at Jens right after, who nodded and replied in all seriousness with a strict „of course, home before curfew“. 

„You two are ridiculous.“ Robbe shook his head with a sigh. „Just text me, when I should be there and if I should get anytihing on the way. And tell your mom that I’m excited to see her again as well.“

„You adore us.“ Jens quickly stated before his attention was pulled away from his best friend.

Yasmina had just arrived back infront of her camera when Luca joined their chat and to everyone’s suprise there was a pretty blond girl next to her, seizing their whole attention,

She had stunning grey eyes, her nose pierced and both her arms tattooed in fine lined flowers. Her hair long and wavy and a bit wild as it covered her shoulders. She looked really good, Jens had to admit. A couple weeks earlier and them being at a party, and he definitely would have tried his luck.

„Ooh, you’ve got comapny? Gonna be a long night, huh?“ Zoë teased knowingly grinning at them, leaving Jens a bit lost at their non-verbal conersation, as everyone stared excited into their camera’s.

„Eh, hi, who are you?“ He asked, and immidiately the group started laughing. Only Moyo seemed to be on his side of utter confusion. Which wasn’t much of a relief, given he wasn’t the greatest resource of knowledge and gossip either within their circle. Even Robbe snorted, leaning his head back against Sander’s chest. His best friend was in on it apparently, as Jens lacked some vital piece of information.

„That’s Maxime duh. Just her girlfriend of two month.“ Noor pointed out incredulous, and as if to prove a point the couple in question faced each other giggling, only to present the chat with a passionate kiss, leaving no room for doubt or interpretation.

„Excuse me, what? I thought she dated a guy. Damn, my bad.“ Jens apologetically smiled, feeling silly now, remembering all the messages in the group. He was sure that he must have not read some of them. No girl had been mentioned...but then neither had been a boy, it dawned on him slowly. Always talking about a crush or date for the night. For sure the name must have come up, but Maxime became Maxim in his head without question.

„You should really start changing your heteronormative assumptions there, young man, now that the gays are taking over the group!“ Milan shouted overly excited and very much jokingly, as he winked into the camera. Yet still joined by enthuastic whoos and laughing from Robbe and Sander, and Luca and Maxime. Making Jens bite hard down on his lip, as he was willed to say things he couldn’t take back. And he was not prepared to come out to the entirety of his friends via a zoom call, only to defend his pride. That wasn’t quite the right reason for it, nor fair to Lucas.

He had to admit though that a girl on Luca’s side hadn’t crossed his mind even in the slightest, thus Milan wasn’t really far off with his statement. Back with Robbe he also strictly had believed his secret person to be a girl. Never once looking at all the signs that surely must have been there. All in all he apparently hadn’t changed much over the last year despite everything. Jens probably should work on that.

„Sorry! Honestly. It’s great to meet you, Maxime.“ He continued trying to make up for it. Also to get back to chat about anything else but dating really. Jens was saved by an angel called Jana taking control over the group, as she started a new game, once Luca had logged into the game and her crewmate character appeared in the lobby.

Fate truly was on his side today. 

Jens was an imposter this time and that would only mean one thing:

Vengeance.

Robbe would be the first to die.

__ __ __

tagged: @odi-et-amo85, @tayspots

[kookscrescent]

SECRETS │ 04 │ jjk

➤ pairing│Jungkook x female reader ➤ summary│Finding someone who doesn’t know who he is, is rare for Jungkook. Everywhere he goes people seem to know his name, his face and the group he’s a part of. But when he comes across someone that doesn’t know any of that, he isn’t in any hurry to reveal that part of his life and the secrets keep piling up. ➤ rating│PG-13 ➤ genre│fluff, dating au, idol au ➤ warnings│kissing, strong language, swearing, the f bomb gets dropped a few times, angst if you squint, fluff ➤ word count│2.6k│semi edited ➤ release date│April 17th 2020 ➤ disclaimer│This is all fiction! Nothing mentioned/written are facts and/or real! So please just keep that in mind when reading and enjoy! Thank you ♡

➤ chapter index│prologue│01│02│03│04│05│06 

~~~

When he does not make any more moves after a few seconds, thinking he is done, you open your eyes just as he gently presses his lips against yours.

Your eyes immediately fall shut!

Oh boy!

~~~

His lips barely move against yours for the first few seconds, giving you enough time to pull away if you wanted to; but you don’t, and slowly you begin moving your lips, Jungkook quickly following suit and soon enough your lips are moving in tandem.

You take your time, soaking in the feeling and excitement of your first kiss. You feel his tongue rubbing along your lower lip, quietly asking for permission to deepen the kiss. You don’t fight him on it, softly parting your lips to allow his tongue to stroke against yours.

On instinct, you fall into him – the palms of your hands resting on his chest, your fingers curling into the material of his jacket. Softly you hum against his lips, when he brings both of his hands to your cheeks, cupping them and the pads of his thumbs stroking over your cheekbones.

You could stay like this forever! Stay connected with him like this, feeling nothing else but his lips and his hands on your face. This must be what heaven feels like!

A soft groan coming from Jungkook vibrates through your core, making every nerve ending in your body tingle and come to life. If that are the sounds he makes when kissing, imagine the sounds he would make when-

No stop it!

All too soon you have to pull apart, the need for air becoming too overpowering for the both of you.

Pulling apart, you suddenly feel shy, your cheeks betraying you for the hundred time tonight. You have kissed guys before, but none of the can ever live up to the kiss you just shared with Jungkook!

Jungkook rests his forehead against yours, his eyes shining, and his pupils slightly dilated. You are sure that your own resemble his.

He smiles then and your stomach curl with butterflies.

“Aren’t you glad you decided to trust me?” he smirks pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose.

You chuckle, eyes closing at the feel of his lips, “Very,” you breathe.

Back at the car, Jungkook opens the door for you again – like a true gentleman would – before he gets in himself.

You honestly don’t know what time it is, and you really could not care less, but judging by the countless of stars in the sky and the cold breeze that has settled amongst the trees, you would guess that it is quite late and you already know Jisung is going to question you when you get home.

Jungkook starts the car, and almost immediately you feel warmth on your hand. You look down; Jungkook has placed his hand on top of yours, his fingers curling around your own and his thumb stroking over the soft skin on your knuckles.

You don’t know what to say, just staring down at his hand as he strokes yours. It feels good! Way too good than it probably should feel on a first date, but nonetheless you don’t want him to let go!

It is then you notice something on his knuckles. You frown a little. Tattoos? When did those get there? And why had you not noticed them before?

Because you were too busy drooling over him, that’s why!

“I like your tattoos,” you break the silence in the car, deciding to compliment them instead of making a fool out of yourself for not noticing them and asking him when he got those.

His eyes flicker from you and down to his hand. He smiles warmly upon seeing familiar ink etched into his skin, “Thank you.”

You want to ask him more about it. Like what does it mean; ARMY, what does it stand for? Does he have a connection to the army? And what does the J above the M mean? And the crown? The small smiley face on his middle finger, what does that symbolize? You want to know more about it all, but before you even get the chance, Jungkook asks you if you have any tattoos.

Shaking your head, you sigh, “No,” you pout, “not yet anyway.”

Curious, he raises his brows, “You want one?”

“Yeah, I’ve always been really fascinated with tattoos and I’ve always wanted to get one, but I also don’t want to get one just to have one, you know,” you explain, “when I get a tattoo I want it to have a meaning.”

He nods along as you speak, keeping his eyes on the road but you know he is listening to every word you say.

“Do you have more tattoos than these?” You ask him, your other hand daring to reach over and brush across the letters on his knuckles.

Jungkook breaths sharply when he feels your touch, but he quickly composes himself. He stops at a red light, turning to you, his famous smirk appearing on his face before he speaks, “The entirety of my arm is covered.”

Your eyes practically turn to teacups, “Really?!”

“Mostly,” he laughs at your expression just as the light turns back to green and he begins driving again.

“Wow,” you whisper, your eyes traveling up his jacked covered arm as if trying to visualize what tattoos he might have under there.

Never in a million years would you have pegged him as a guy to have a full sleeve of tattoos. A few here and there, sure, but not a full sleeve.

But you can picture it clear as a day now that he has told you. You don’t think it would be just one design traveling the length of his arm. No, you bet he has multiple separate tattoos that all correspond with each other in some way or form. Maybe some writing of some kind, probably also something manly; like a skull or a snake. Maybe he even has a flower or two thrown in there? Perhaps a rose of some sort?

You are so lost in your own little world, picturing him without his jacket on – and shamelessly also without his shirt, but don’t tell anyone – trying to visualize what tattoos he might have, that you don’t even realize that he has already stopped the car outside of your apartment.

Disappointment washes over you in an instant! You don’t want the date to end yet! You want to keep talking to him and spending time with him.

Jungkook sees your pout. He does not blame you, if anything he feels the same way. It might be late in the night, but to him it is still way too early to end the date.

In the years he has been in the spotlight, never has he met anyone that does not know how he is or freak out in the slightest when meeting him. But meeting you was like a breath of fresh air for him! Like a completely new world he is ready to discover. Like a dream come true.

But he knows that the dream will inevitably turn to a nightmare at some point… there is no way around it, and truly he is the only one to blame for it. In a way he damns the day he first met you and the fact that he did not just tell you straight away who he was and what he did for a living.

No, instead he made up a handful of lies to be able to live a little while longer in this dream world of a bubble he has created for the two of you.

“What are you thinking about?” you ask Jungkook, seeing his somber expression as he stares down at your conjoined hands.

His down turned lips slowly rise to a smile and his thumb continues its stroking across the front of your hand, “I’m thinking that I don’t want to let you leave yet.”

“No?” you smile meeting his eyes.

He shakes his head, “No.”

“Then what do you want?”

A moment of purely electrifying tension passes before Jungkook slowly lowers his eyes to your lips, his tongue sneaking out to wet his bottom lip. You are captivated by the movement, your chest rising and falling.

“I want to kiss you again.”

Your breath hitches as you lean further towards him, “Please,” you breathe.

Releasing your hand, Jungkook cups the side of your face before smashing your lips together in a hot and messy kiss. This kiss is not like your first kiss. This kiss is much more intense, electrifying and… hot!

Leaning further over the middle console, you sneak your arms around his neck, your fingers playing with his hair, combing through it, tugging it, making him groan and you repeat the action just to draw another one from him.

You move with each other, teeth slashing together here and there but neither of you care, tongues dancing and breaths mixing like both of your lives depend on in. In this moment there is no one else in this world that exists.

Just Jungkook and you.

~ JISUNG POV ~

“Fucking Rose!” Jisung curses into the cold night air, kicking a random stone that is in his way, “Why does she have to be so fucking difficult?!”

He is talking to himself, loudly, anyone walking by would most likely think he is crazy, but after the night he has had, he thinks he might just be crazy.

Crazy to keep dealing with Rose’s fucking drama bullshit!

Speaking of the devil… he feels his phone vibrating in his back pocket. He does not even need to check the caller id to know who it is.

He already knows it is Rose!

He left her sitting at the bar he asked her to come to after you left to go out with June…

He knew it was a downright bad idea the moment he send her the message about meeting up, but he did not want to… essentially, dump her over the phone! He might be an asshole, but he knows right from wrong.

Rose had probably gotten her hopes up the minute the text rolled into her inbox, because Jisung never texts her except for when he wants sex, never, that is his rule! But when he asked her to meet up at a local bar, she probably thought it was because he was finally going to ask her to be his girlfriend.

But no.

He had it all planned in his head, he had even practiced it over and over again so he would not be sidetracked by her charms; aka her boobs!

He would go in, sit down at a table in the back where not many people would be able to see or hear them talking, he would wait for her to arrive – because knowing her, she would show up later than planned just to be sure she was making an entrance – then he would start out by saying that she is a great girl, that none of this is her fault – lie! Almost… – then he would lay it all out for he, give her the honest truth… that he is just not ready to settle down.

It might be only half the truth, but at least she would not be so hurt afterwards.

But no no… Rose had her own idea of how it would all go. Jisung practically had not gotten a single word in before she started ripping his head off, accusing him of being a complete asshole who only thought with his dick and that he should learn to appreciate what was right in front of him and how good she was for him.

He had been ready to agree with her, until she told him that she had slept with his collogues Seo Joon out of spite and to “get back at him”. He had kept his cool at the time, keeping his rising anger at a bay, only allowing it to come forwards after he left.

Admittedly, it did bug him a little bit that she had slept with someone else! All this time she had been going on about him sleeping with other girls and that it was an asshole move, and then she goes and does the same thing.

Maybe it is the face that he thought she was a sure thing to return to when his bed got cold? Or maybe he did not really think she would ever do it?

Out of spite and with a straight face, he had told her that Seo Joon could keep her and that she was not even that good in bed anyways.

That had been the tip of the iceberg for her, and she leaned across the table and slapped him across the face.

He deserved that one!

Eventually his phone stops vibrating in his pocket, but no sooner has it stopped does it start ringing again.

With a frustrated sigh, he answers, “What?!”

“You are a fucking asshole Jisung, you know that?!” Rose’s sharp voice cuts through the phone, ringing loudly in his ear.

“So I’ve been told a few times,” he replies cold.

Much more of this and he is going to lose his fucking head!

“Well prepare to hear it for the rest of your fucking life asshole, because you are! You’re a-“

“Is that all you called to tell me Rose?” he cuts her off, reaching the corner of his apartment building. All he wants right now is to be done with this so he can go to bed and sleep like any of this did not happen.

“No!” she practically screams, “I also called to tell you that you’re a goddamn fucking…”

He lets her trail off, biting his ear off, but he only pays half a mind to it when he notices a black car parked in front of the building with two people making out like horny teenagers inside.

Snickering, he has the urge to knock on the window and tell the couple to go get a room. That is until the girl in the passenger seat starts to look uncomfortably familiar.

That hair, the jacket… he knows the girl. Frowning, he steps a little closer, careful not to get caught by the two.

Oh, he definitely knows the her!

It’s ____!!!!!

Making out with some dude!!

“…you idiot fucking asshole! Now what do you have to say to that?” Jisung had almost forgotten that he was talking to Rose on the phone, too engrossed in the scene taking place in front of his eyes.

“I have to go,” he hangs up on her, stuffing away his phone.

____ is making out in a car with some random dude in the middle of the fucking night?! What the fuck?

Why would you lie to him about that? Why would you not just tell him that you had a date instead of him having to tease you about your obvious lying and then catching you practically dry humping in a car?

The guy turns in his seat, showing more of his face to him, and he too looks oddly familiar. Not familiar as in a oh I know you, we have hung out before, or in a we are friends way, but in a I have seen your face somewhere before way!

The dark blue tips of his hair catch the streetlight, an just like a switch being turned on, he realized just who the fuck you are sucking face with!!

“June my fucking ass…”

I’m really happy with how this chapter turned out!!! Arrggghhhh they finally kissed! Annnnd Jisung knows who Jungkook is, uhhh... I wonder how the next chapter is gonna turn out ;) 

Remember if you enjoyed this chapter, please like and reblog! It helps me a lot, thank you! 

Tag List│@thestral-balerion​ @serendipity-secrets​ @rjsmochii​ @anothermisspark​ @paperheartsbreak​ @tearvantae​ @bubbletae7​ @afangirllikeme-blog​ @taepoem​ @gayforbangtan​ @diamonddia-mond​ @krystle1990​ @riasmithharren​ @dee-ehn​ @taelaritys​ @hoodalmighty​ @lilithluna13​ @mini-coop25​ @alluring-venus​ @btsxdoll​  Join the tag list here 

All Rights Reserved © 2020 Kookscrescent 

[popwasabi]

“Westworld III” takes several steps forward...and several steps back (REVIEW)

Created by Jonathan Nolan and Lisa Joy

Starring: Evan Rachel Wood, Jeffrey Wright, Aaron Paul, Ed Harris, Vincent Cassel, Tessa Thompson, Thandie Newton

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

Season three of HBO’s “Westworld” cleans up many of the issues season two had but ultimately falls short of season one’s loftier thematic ideas.

It’s cinematically sharper, it’s about as well paced and fun as the show has ever been and that on it’s own makes it worth watching and certainly worth continuing the series going forward but for fans hoping it might have something new to say in the vein of its hyper meta-textual and thematic commentary of the first season it may leave you disappointed.

Season three may have raised the stakes of the series with its pending (and frankly, all too timely) apocalyptic vibes going on in the story but it lowers the bar on its cerebral nature opting more for fast paced thrills over anything more profound or hadn’t said already.

That said, I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it anyways for better…and worse.

“Westworld” season three picks up not too long after the events of season two as Dolores has infiltrated human society and begun working on her master plan to bring it all down. She has spared Bernard, who now spends his life as butcher outside the major cities but he often wonders where she is and when this apocalypse will begin. Meanwhile a veteran named Caleb spends his life doing the same mundane tasks and mercenary work everyday to make ends meet pondering his existence as he deals with his PTSD. He decides to break the cycle however when one day he finds Dolores shot in an alleyway and joins her on her quest to start a revolution.

“Westworld” is one of the few series that hooked me immediately with its first episode.

Where some series take their time to gain momentum before going into overdrive in their season finale, season one’s “The Original” grabbed my attention from the start with a combination of mystery, action, stellar acting, and the kind of cerebral humanist story-telling I expect and want from the cyberpunk genre.

As someone with a father who talked extensively about myth, theme, and got me to listen to old Joseph Campbell essays on CD  growing up, a series that explored story-telling on a meta level with a high octane LARP concept setting was everything someone like me could ask for in a science fiction series.

(Seriously, there was some compelling analytical story-telling dialogue in this series.)

So invested I was in this tale of synthetics gaining agency and humans exploring their own personal myth-making and what it said about themselves made me a huge fan early on, proudly proclaiming it to be the best show on HBO several years ago.

I was so certain this series was creatively the best thing on television at the time that I strongly considered getting a maze tattoo like that in the show to proclaim my brand-new fandom.

But knowing there was still more seasons on the horizon, I held off thinking I should probably see this through before doing anything that brash.

Well, a few years later I feel pretty good about that decision…

(Imagine how fans who named their newborns Daenerys or Khalessi feel right now...)

I remember thinking at the end of season one “Where can they possibly go from here still? Other LARP destinations in this cyberpunk world? A robot vs human war? How can the world expand?”

The problem is these thoughts did not really ask the most important question following that first season; “What more does it actually have to say?”

The first season is, in my opinion, a perfect season of television. It’s a brilliant take on the stories we tell ourselves, the choices we make that define us in our personal myths, and the exploration of our nature and how that relates to choice all while playing out this synthetic mystery plot. The entire first season pulls all these arcs and ideas together through characters like Bernard/Arnold, William/The Man in Black, and of course Dolores. They all, more or less, complete their arcs in that first season and there’s not really much needed to be said beyond that when you really think about it. If the series ended on Dolores murdering Ford and the Delos guests in the season finale that honestly would have been a perfect ambiguous ending to send the story off on.

(Kind of itss own meta commentary on the journey of a fan and an ever-increasingly cynical series...)

But because this is HBO, and “Game of Thrones” is no longer the driving force of premium TV, Westworld MUST continue because it’s the new cash cow for the channel. Whether or not writer/producers Lisa Joy and Jonathan Nolan really knew what they wanted to do following that first season is anybody’s guess but it’s hard not to see that they have struggled a bit since that point.

Season two is a mixed bag, where the characters literally feel like they’re going in circles. Plotlines get muddled, characters become hyper versions of themselves, and while certain ideas and episodes reached similar levels of brilliance that the first season had it still lacked the narrative sharpness of the first season and that has a lot to do with the characters having mostly no other driving force besides survival and simply getting to the next physical plot point.

It just didn’t have much more to say and frankly in a story about stories that’s pretty damn important.

(This episode from season 2 is still one of its best.)

To their credit, Joy and Nolan appear to rectify quite a few issues season two had with season three. Again, it’s faster, better paced, there’s a clearer destination at the end for its characters and not to mention a pretty compelling villain for this season’s plot in Serac played by the brilliant Vincent Cassell.

But it suffers ultimately the same problem; it has nothing truly new to say.

This is not to say the season is without any meaningful messages or metaphors. It’s quite critical of our hyper surveillance and information gathering state, might even be the best depiction to date on the broader implications and consequences of a world where we all have our personal information readily online to mined and plundered by big businesses and government. Caleb, played by the always great Aaron Paul, is a good avatar for the everyman who has grown jaded and disenfranchised by this system. Though he spends most of the season looking overly shocked and gape-jawed at just about everything, it’s hard not to feel empathy and a connection to this character as we are quite literally living in a bit of a cyberpunk hell as it is these days and treated just as much as expendable commodities right now.

(You fucking jackasses are arguing for the wrong things! You’re all being swindled and cheated for nothing! *photo “unrelated”*)

The season is generally best when the focus is on him, as the first episode delivers a strong start in the same way season one did.

Where the season begins to fall apart though is when quite literally the world “Westworld” inhabits begins to do so itself. Serac’s Rehobaum, which reminded me just a little too much of “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’s” Deep Thought, releasing all its data to the world and everyone discovering they’re basically all dangerous assholes is almost hilarious to me. 

Though the idea of hyper data controlling our every move is a good cyberpunk metaphor to jump off of, the way this bit is executed is a little over exaggerated and clumsy.

(Though it does deliver a pretty powerful scene regardless.)

This isn’t actually a tremendous problem with season three, but it doesn’t do much to add to what we already understand about the story; which is how narrative controls us and how important choices and free will is to that. All this is already told and expanded on in the first season through Dolores, all season three does it bring it to a macro level and put that onus on the humans instead of the hosts. The hosts were already a metaphor for humanity anyways so again the story in some ways hasn’t changed much since season one.

It's interesting to have the narrative of the hosts turned on the humans but thematically it feels redundant.

I’ll add that this isn’t the worst idea they could’ve gone with, it works in moving the physical aspect of the story forward for sure, and I wouldn’t even classify it as a bad one, but again the problem is the story has largely run out of new things to tell us.

We like stories because we want to learn some truth about ourselves, whether we want it to or not, and Anthony Hopkins’ Ford makes a great point of this in season one. This has been the purpose of myths and legends since the dawn of time and it’ll be no different even when the 37th Fast & Furious comes out in 40 years. You could argue that the message of Westworld deserves repeating or that it’s not important to the entertainment value it still provides, and you might be right. But for a series like this, that is so invested in what stories mean I don’t think it’s wrong to think there should be more to it than this.

(Maybe, I should’ve...)

Of course, there’s still plenty more to see out of “Westworld” for the foreseeable future as HBO won’t be canceling it anytime soon and certainly it’ll have its chance to still tackle more ideas and themes in the future but, at this point at least, it’s been less meaningful that its first season.

There are other problems too, namely Dolores constantly changing and unclear revolution plans and arcs resolved offscreen, certain side plots with other characters ultimately going nowhere, and a fairly predictable twist with Caleb, but this is the crux of the problem with the series as it stands now and the one worth mentioning the most.

(And Maeve, *sigh* oh Maeve...)

That said, season three really is a lot of fun despite my issues with the narrative. The pacing, as mentioned, is great from start to finish. I was never bored or disinterested during this season, despite its flaws, and the action bits are frankly better than they’ve ever been as the series goes full cyberpunk in parts with great robot on human and robot on robot action.

The cinematography is sharp and striking too as Jonathan Nolan shows he’s definitely Christopher’s brother with some beautiful, haunting shots of the future Los Angeles city Gotham-esque skyline set to Ramin Djawadi’s excellent cyberpunk score that gives the new season a more noire-ish feel that would make Vangelis and Hans Zimmer proud.

(In the future Los Angeles will be Singapore!)

The acting is still stellar of course. Though Jeffrey Wright’s Bernard is largely wasted in this season and his plot goes nowhere, his scene with Gina Torres in the finale is touching. Luke Hemsworth is dry as hell in a good way as Chief of Security turned personal buddy bodyguard to Bernard as Ashley Stubbs. Ed Harris is wicked and dastardly as always as William and of course Evan Rachel Wood is solid as the driving force of the series as Dolores.

(Out of context season 3 spoiler.)

The finale doesn’t leave much to say beyond a pending machine vs human war though which has been building up since the first season anyways. While I can see some possibilities for an interesting direction here, I can’t say I’m as intrigued as even the finale to season two left me.

In some ways, season one left me not too much unlike William going into season’s two and three; looking for additional meaning in something that wasn’t looking to tell me anything deeper, at least right now. Perhaps the maze just isn’t for me anymore but moving forward I’ll be lowering my expectations.

(Oh my God! Meta commentary on meta commentary! It’s meta-ception! I’m beginning to question the nature of my reality!!!)

“Westworld” remains a fun cyberpunk action series that can hold your attention span for an hour, and I think it’ll maintain that energy consistently going forward, but it might’ve been best left where it was when Dolores put a bullet in Ford’s brain.

I do hope it can regain some of its original spark at some point but until then…it doesn’t look like anything (deep) to me.

VERDICT:

3.5 out of 5

You said it, Marshawn...

[fullmetalscullyy]

the way it was - chapter 2

everybody needs one true friend

summary:  what if riza never went to war?  riza hawkeye has just married the man she loves. six months into their marriage, an unexpected surprise stops her from following roy to the military. a canon divergence au that explores what might have happened had riza been unable to join the military. there will be plenty of family fluff, angst, and royai.

rated: m | warnings: no archive warning apply

chapter 1 | read on ao3

1909

everybody needs one true friend

someone who’ll be there ‘till the very end

“The war in Ishval has taken a turn today, as the State Alchemists have managed to subdue more than eighty per cent of the rebels within the state. The Hero of Ishval, Roy Mustang, played a large part in today’s victory –” Riza quickly turned the radio off. Usually she would hang onto every word, absorb every scrap of news, but at the mention of his name, she couldn’t bear to listen to it anymore.

He’d been hailed as the Hero of Ishval. Riza didn’t want to begin to imagine what he might have done to those people to earn that title. She withheld all judgement – she had no right to do so because she wasn’t there – but it made her worried. Very worried. He had been sent off to war eight months ago. That was a long time.  Those eight months, and the actions he carried out within that time, may have changed him completely. Riza wouldn’t know what the man would return as until he was standing right in front of her. 

On today of all days she didn’t want to think about the war either. Besides, the only news she trusted came from letters Roy sent. Of course, he didn’t tell her much about the conditions out there. He wouldn’t want her to worry. However, even those were coming few and far between at this point, now eight months into his service. While that thought worried Riza regardless, she didn’t let it get her down. She couldn’t. She had too much to do and concentrate on here, at home. Thinking about the lack of response only brought tears and worry, and that was best saved for her bedroom at night where no one was around to hear her cry.

“Sorry,” Rebecca apologised sheepishly.

“It’s okay,” Riza replied, keeping her voice even. She placed a hand on her swollen stomach and turned her gaze outside the window of the car.

“I hear about it so often at work it just becomes background noise,” her friend explained. “But hey,” she added, voice becoming more chipper. “Today is all about you, so let’s forget about that just now.”

If only it was that simple.

“Gracia Hughes is on her way to the hotel now. One of Roy’s sisters is picking her up in the car. You won’t be completely bombarded by his siblings,” Rebecca laughed, trying to lighten the mood. Riza managed a smile, but it quickly fell. Now it had been mentioned, all she could do was worry about him.

She hadn’t received a letter in over a month. She’d sent two since his last one, but no reply. At least today’s news meant he was still alive. That was one positive thing to focus on.

Chris – bless the woman – had a party already in full swing by the time Riza and Rebecca arrived.

Roy’s family had all migrated to East City for the day, it felt like. They were staying at a hotel in town, and had hired out the function suite for them to throw a baby shower for Riza. She begged them not to go through so much trouble, that she was more than happy to have it in her own apartment, but she received a few sympathetic looks.

“Riza, honey, we wouldn’t all fit.”

Her and Roy’s apartment was small, but it wasn’t that small, Riza had thought indignantly.

Sure enough, Roy had a large family. Some people were here who she’d never even seen before.

She gulped.

“Riza!” Vanessa squealed as she stepped out of Rebecca’s car. The blonde threw her arms around Riza’s neck, hugging her tightly. She was an incredibly beautiful woman, always made up expertly with makeup and fake eyelashes, which Riza had never seen before meeting Roy’s family. Her blonde hair tumbled down her back, effortless curls swishing as she moved. Her perfectly manicured nails were two different colours today. The nail polish alternated colour on each finger, a pattern of blue and pink. It was in celebration of Riza’s baby shower, Vanessa had beamed at her and Rebecca. She was a very sweet woman, and Riza would never admit this aloud, but Vanessa was Riza’s favourite. All of Roy’s adoptive sisters were amazing to her, but Vanessa had gone that extra mile every time and had made sure Riza felty included in everything they did together as a family.

She truly felt like she was a sister to them, and Riza would forever be grateful to them for that.

Also, Riza often caught the scoop of the gossip around Central too, thanks to Vanessa. At least once a week she would phone Riza and ask how she was doing, eventually turning the conversation towards animatedly talking about who she’d been on a “date” with that week. Riza had heard some things she probably shouldn't have, but Vanessa had connections to the higher ups in the military too. Roy had explained what his mother dealt in and how the bar was just a front. No wonder her organisation was so fruitful. Vanessa somehow managed to get the scoop on everyone. She could be both relentless and ruthless in her “innocent” questioning, and Riza was glad that kind of attention had never been directed towards her. She’d spill all she knew there and then because Vanessa was that good.

As she was drawn into Vanessa’s embrace, Riza almost gagged at the amount of perfume that invaded her nostrils – a smell she’d become quite sensitive to while pregnant – but managed to control herself. “How are you doing? Oh, come in, come in! We’ve been so excited about today for so long!”

Banners covered every wall of the function suite while balloons littered the floor, a sea of plastic and air. Every time someone walked through them, they were kicked gently up into the air. It was a carpet of pink, blue, and white.

Her mother and sister-in-law had outdone themselves. There was so much food. Platter upon platter covered every available table in the room. They had been arranged around the outskirts of the room to allow a mingling area for the guests to Riza’s baby shower, as well as dancefloor. The chairs were dotted about the room, some arranged in small circles where women sat chatting and laughing with each other already, their plates full of food.

“Riza,” Chris greeted warmly, a smile on her face. She pulled Riza into an unexpected hug, but Riza appreciated it all the same. It was nice to feel welcomed like this. Roy’s family had accepted her wholeheartedly after their marriage. After he’d left, his sisters visited her at home almost every day. It was a blessing to have the company, as well as another connection to Roy. “Welcome. How are you feeling?”

“I’m all right,” Riza reassured her.

“Still get sick?”

Riza shook her head. “No. Thank goodness that’s all behind me.” In the early months she’d been violently sick many times. After eating, she would vomit. Even the smell of cooking made her ill. She had to go to hospital overnight once to get a drip because she’d almost passed out. Luckily, she’d been at Chris’ in Central for the weekend, so someone was able to take her there.

“Good.” Chris Mustang was a woman of very few words, Riza had noticed this early on. At first, she’d worried she’d offended her in some way because her replies were always abrupt, her tone sharp, but Roy reassured her “that was just his mother”.

The baby shower was very graciously arranged by Vanessa. Riza assured her she didn’t need anything fancy, but Vanessa had pulled out all the stops. There was a mountain of presents in the corner already, and there were still women arriving, carrying large boxes in their arms.

Riza felt her eyes begin to fill up with tears.

“Hey, are you okay?” Rebecca asked quietly, noticing her change in demeanour.

“I’m fine,” Riza reassured her, voice wobbling. “Honestly, I’m alright. This is just… a lot. It’s… completely unexpected.” No one had ever done something for her before, on this large a scale.

Roy had proposed, but it was a way to offer her stabilisation shortly after her father died. The proposal hadn’t been a grand affair. It was a quiet question, murmured over the sound of the fire crackling beside them in her living room. The fire hadn’t been on in years in her childhood home, but they lit it that night. A signal of a new beginning. A beacon of light for both their futures. After nervously asking Roy what he was talking about, he’d gotten down on one knee, uncertainty in his eyes. They loved each other, but the marriage would be convenient for her, more than anything. They both never expected it to grow into something so wonderful when they had first discussed it after Berthold’s funeral. Those six months of marriage had been the best days of her life.

During and just after the funeral, they’d been very guarded and shy with one another. A year had passed since he’d left for the military and they’d both grown up, but something awoke inside of her after being finally freed from her father’s burden. Perhaps it was the intimacy of the act – Roy examining the skin of her back so closely – and then the anguish of the aftermath. He’d burned the most important parts of the tattoo in order to hide it and stop others from discovering its secrets. Roy had agonised over her request, but she just wanted to finally be free, she had whispered brokenly, her tone carrying the weight of the burden on her back. He couldn’t deny her of that. It had brought them closer together. They now shared a bond that no one else would ever know the extent of. One that couldn’t be broken.

He proposed a week after the funeral. She’d passed on the secrets of flame alchemy to him, and that was when their relationship turned. The night he’d finished studying her back was when they’d slept together for the first time. The feeling of his fingertips ghosting over his skin, the breath tickling her sensitive back, had made her boldly roll over and straddle his hips. He’d been astonished, and if Riza wasn’t so worked up, she would’ve laughed. As soon as her hands tangled themselves in his hair, he reciprocated eagerly.

Roy left – for what was supposed to be the last time – to take the State Alchemist exam. They celebrated in a similar fashion after he returned to her home, excitement on his face. He was finally on the way to achieving his dreams. Riza was happy for him.

They were married in her hometown a month after he’d become a State Alchemist. Riza. Married at eighteen. Roy was twenty-one. Their relationship had gone into overdrive with everything progressing so quickly, yet Riza was oddly calm about the whole situation. It just felt right, after everything they’d been through.

“I know, I didn’t expect there to be so much,” Rebecca admitted. “But you deserve it, Riza.” 

Riza smiled gratefully at her friend. 

“Now, I know something that will definitely cheer you up. That good for nothing husband left you to run off to war,” Rebecca winked playfully. “I think it’s only fair you get to open all the presents.” 

Riza laughed quietly to herself. Surrounded by all this wonderful company and these amazing people who would do anything to make her day brighter or happier, Riza was sure she would be cheered up today. It would be just what she needed.

[ansgar-martinsson]

The Best Intentions - Part 3

The Best Intentions

Part 3

“It is no imposition, believe me,” Ansgar replied. “As much as I despise the fact that your building is suffering problems, I do enjoy solving them now and again.” He surreptitiously allowed his gaze to follow the path of her hands as they straightened out the denim of her skirt. He saw a strength in her movements, a power in the way her muscles shaped beneath the fabric - a power matched by her forthrightness. Not overwhelming, mind you… not false… not pretentious… just… present. This one - she knew what she wanted and how to get it, that much was obvious.

And admirable.

“Perhaps,” he continued, “you would like to change into something more suitable for structural investigations before we begin.” With his eyes, he indicated the Louboutin pumps, still lying discarded on the stage floor. “Why don’t I go take a look at the sprinkler heads installed backstage, and you tell me where to meet you when you’re done.”

Jo’s comfort came in the form of a pair of old broken in trainers (stained with paint from the tech shop), faded, ripped jeans (exposed knees from load-in from her last theatre job in Paris) and a ratty, old, black short-sleeved t-shirt (sprinkled with holes). She kept a wardrobe on hand in her office for days like this. Box office days, she dressed smartly, prim, proper for all the old biddies spending their pension on Puccini. Tech days, she wore black from head to toe. On opening and gala nights, she felt at home in a little black dress or a gown. Dressing for an office meeting felt like work.

The computer and its dancing screensaver called to her in the corner to research the lighting issue. The ramifications meant long hours of interviewing new candidates for her design or technical team. But that would have to wait… the rest of the repairs needed another pair of eyes, the haunted blue of the engineer. Something weighed on him, a brooding quiet, a dark hurt, a something that she couldn’t quite read yet.

She breathed a sigh of relief as the oh-so-soft denim whispered against her skin. She blew a kiss at her borrowed Louboutins, promising another night in them… soon-ish. She returned to find Ansgar wandering around backstage, making notes on a clipboard, knocking on walls with his fist, shining his torch this way and that, and testing the pulley system for the flies.

“Thank you,” Jo said announcing her presence, “I… this works.” She threw her arms out beside her palms out, displaying a tattoo on her left forearm. “Much more me for days like this.”

“Where do you need me?” he tucked his notes under his arm. His gaze followed her arm and the flash of color he saw.

“Ah, under the stage.” She pointed below her feet. “The sprinklers may have caused water damage? The hydraulics for the turn table works only when it wants.”

“Temperamental,” he commented with a chuckled grunt. He took control, leading them off stage right to the staircase for the other area. “Have you used the pyrotechnics down there?”

Jo followed closely at his elbow, anticipating questions about the integrity of the areas she showed him. “Not since… not last season.”

“Any of the directors turn in specs for it for the upcoming?”

She shook her head though he didn’t look at her. “Not yet. The designers haven’t either. We still need to find a team for The Flying Dutchman.”

Jo asked Ansgar to look over the box seats and the arrangement of it. The dip of the seats had started scaring some of the older audience members, fearing they’d fall into the orchestra below. The wall between dressing rooms seven and eight had begun to warp. The floor in the rehearsals spaces needed patching and sanding. She toured through with a careful ear listening to his tips and concerns, and possible hidden agendas amongst her crew.

When they were through the laundry list of items, Jo found some relief. She stood at the top of the orchestra, hands gripping the back of a red velvet seat. “I love my work, Herr Martinsson. I haven’t an ounce of talent of my own, but I love this place. I’d love to see it sparkle again. And so would Harold.”

Ansgar stared, his focus narrowing on her. “I’m sorry. Harold?”

“The opera ghost,” she teased. “He’s been with us the entire time.”

He humored her and offered her a good natured laugh, stepping in to stand beside her, looking over the sea of red. He placed his hands on the seat beside her. “Well, Joline… and Harold… I think I can help.”

She looked down and quieted the tiniest of swells of disappointment in her belly when she saw a wedding ring on Ansgar’s left hand. Attractive men were always married; she should know, she’d married one. “We both appreciate it. Harold and me.” She pushed a smile to her lips and brushed his shoulder with hers.

“Well,” he said, “we’ve a duty to our ghosts; to make sure they’re happy with the things they’ve left behind, don’t we?” Ansgar’s speech slowed as he spoke, the impact of his own statement not lost upon him.

His thumb, in an autonomic motion, tucked into his palm, the tip of it rubbing against the underside of the golden band that remained around his finger.

“I’m sure Harold will be supremely happy,” the woman by his side quipped. Ansgar’s lips quirked into a small smile, partly at her praise, partly at the fact that she had missed his passing discomfiture altogether. Or so he’d hoped.

In further hope of distraction, he raised his clipboard, running his finger down the list he’d made. “Well, Froken Lindberg,” he said, “if that is all of the issues, then, I think I ought to get back to the office and get this to my project manager. Get her on contacting the subs and suppliers immediately, get warranty claims made and bond claims if need be.”

“You mean Froken Wiessing?”

“No,” Ansgar shook his head. “But I think… well, Julia and I will have some other things to discuss.”

“Anything I need to worry about?”

Ansgar looked down at her and smiled. “Not anymore. Listen,” he said, “I apologise for all of this happening, I apologise for my company being so unresponsive, it’s… it’s not like us… not like me at all. Quite the opposite.”

“I know,” she shrugged. “It’s fine. It’s all being sorted now, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is,” he affirmed. “Are you sure?”

“Well,” she grinned up at him. “There is one more thing you can do.”

“Name it,” he challenged.

“Take me to lunch. I’m starving.”

Ansgar laughed. It felt good to laugh again… very good. Truly, honestly good. “Of course,” he bowed his head, smiling. “You name the place. It’s the least I can do.”

Jo discovered Carousel her first week as House Manager. The Mediterranean outdoor café suited her low-key wardrobe and Ansgar’s higher end threads. The grilled rib-eye tasted of heaven on a plate but Jo loved making a meal of the appetizers instead of gorging herself on mains. As she angled into the wooden bench, she wiggled-slid behind the oblong table, “The gazpacho and watermelon should be a sin.”

Ansgar folded himself into the chair at the head of the table, to her left. Grinning at her, he took in the colorful and lively atmosphere. It all seemed so… normal. So ordinary. Comforting normality of his home.

Her voice dropped to a sensual moan. “The sweet and the savory…” She rolled her eyes skyward. The grumble in her stomach wasn’t just hunger but curiosity about her lunch companion and this need to prove herself worthy as House Manager. After months of chasing attention at Martinsson Construction, she now felt consumed by this mad drive to show him that the house and how it ran remained safe in her hands.

“I brought the mockup of our final mailing and advert campaign… the last push to get asses in the seats for the new season.” Ticket sales and revenue secured her position. As it was her first full season as manager, it was final examinations on her worth. “We open in September with The Marriage of Figaro.”

His finger traced along the glossy production photographs of women in wide elaborate frocks and taller wigs. The text read clean and concise, listing titles of the upcoming operas, dates, the box office website, and other means to purchase tickets or sponsor levels. “Impressive,” he nodded.

“Did you get your invitation to the opening night gala? My staff sent them round to all the executives at your company.”

“Uh… no… no. I’ve been away,” he repeated his mantra from earlier. “I’ve not caught up on correspondences. I assume that Britta has added it to my calendar.”

Jo wrinkled her nose, “This is boring to you.”

“Not at all. Your… passion is admirable actually.”

Her wide blue eyes met his and kicked herself for flirting with him. She shouldn’t encourage this. She couldn’t.

But it was one lunch. One lunch couldn’t hurt.

It’s only lunch, Ansgar thought.

But it was true what he’d said, he admired her passion. it seemed to permate every inch of her, seep from her pores. Passion - well, it was extremely attractive. Her passion for her job, her passion for her art - for it was her art, he knew. Even if she wasn’t the Prima Donna, or a visual artist or a composer or even if she wasn’t a musician or a set designer or a lighting designer, it was still her art.

Like his work with steel and glass in structural engineering, he knew her expression of her self came with the craft of engineering logistics.

“Tell me,” he said, stabbing up a forkful of spinach salad, “what’s your talent utilisation style?”

She cocked an eyebrow at him over the rim of her water glass. “My what?”

Ansgar swallowed and nodded. “I mean… your management style. How do you… how do you manage to keep all those….”

“Artistic types in line?” She chuckled. “Sometimes it’s like herding cats… cats who have been rolling in catnip and have eaten an entire bag of Smarties. You just have to know how to use the right toys to fiddle them out and get them to pay nicely together.”

“Oh.” Ansgar laughed. “Sounds a bit like my situation, except sometimes my cats have been chewing on the Valium tablets or tippling at the brandy. Most sluggish, and they simply do not want to come out of their hidey holes.”

She inhaled through her nose. “So I’ve noticed.” She flashed him a closed-mouthed grin followed by a slight cringe at the brazenness of her words.

Which again made Ansgar laugh. “Touche,” he tossed. “Okay, change of subject,” he smirked. “This Gala of yours, this opening night do you’re organising.”

She shrugged. “What of it?”

“Well, I suppose I’d like to know when it is.”

“Why, do you want to go?” Her sudden burst of eagnerness made her grimace. “I mean,” she composed herself. “Do you plan to attend?”

Here goes nothing, Ansgar thought.

“I believe I do,” he said, plainly. “That is, if you will allow me to accompany you for that evening. It’s the very least I can do.”

Jo pushed her spoon through what was left of her gazpacho, watching the bits swirling round the bottom of the bowl. She smirked, her head bounced slightly on the sound of humor. “When I stormed your castle this morning…” She chanced her gaze back up, “I… well, uh… I didn’t think…” she spread her hands wide and circled around the half eaten dishes they’d consumed, “this would happen.”

Ansgar laughed with her, matching her mirth. The exaggerated and animated gesture unexpected but none the less amusing. He dipped his head in an almost bow. “Admittedly, this wasn’t my agenda for the day.”

She pointed upwards and nodded, dropping the last of her pride, and then shrugged, “It was the least I could do.”

The imitation of him was spot on and he gave into a good-natured chuckle at his own expense. He’d extended that precise statement to her more than once, to assuage his guilt, to be the attentive and present CEO that he should’ve been, to be the man he believed himself to be. “Fair play, fair play.”

As their laughter faded, Jo addressed the elephant that sat between them, pink and plump and ripe for a tickle. She chose her words carefully, mincing them so as not to wound or offend. “I don’t want your obligation.”

Then she waited, stealing another glance at the ring on his left hand, curled around a pint.

Don’t entertain it, Jo. Not for a breath, not for an afternoon, not for a thought or some scorching hot sexual fantasy. Your mother had a sense of humor, naming you after Dolly Parton’s other woman, but don’t be that woman, Jo.

You’re not that woman.

Clearing her throat, she covered her pause and stray thought. “Well, that’s not entirely true. I do actually want your obligation.”

This was met with a furrow of his brow and his fingers brushed the sexier than sin stubble at his chin.

“My professional self would feel satisfied… I’d get off—I’d celebrate it!”

Pull it together… Jesus, Jo!

“As CEO of the company that built my building,” she carefully spoke without a trace of arrogance, “I absolutely want your obligation. But me? Jo, me?” To illustrate her point, she splayed her hand over her heart, inadvertently accentuating her breasts. “She… she doesn’t want your obligation.”

Ansgar lowered his pint from his lips, his movement slow and controlled. He seemed to consider her words as if each one were a bead of condensation that hung on the glass. “I think you’ve misunderstood me…” That was the moment he struggled with a way to address her.

“I understand it. Your company and your name are in jeopardy, but I’m not looking for that kind of publicity. I won’t say anything to the press. As long as the work in the theatre is fixed by opening,” she waved her finger between them, “we’re sorted. Hell, make it a restoration special, to the press if you want… your good deed for the community, for Stockholm. We’re square.”

Ansgar couldn’t help but smile at her take on his invitation. A diplomatic and thoughtful, perhaps even pragmatic solution to the complication that brought this woman trampling down the door to his office. If he read her correctly, he’s piqued her interest, if the lack of drink thrown in his face were a sign. She remained his lunch companion, another indication that he hadn’t piqued her anger. He couldn’t use work obligations to spend an evening with her.

Using a different tactic, he began, as his grin intensified, “Well, as long as we’re square—“

Before he could say anymore, she cut him off, “Hey! I got an obligatory lunch for my efforts.” She grinned over a piece of seasoned bread she shoved into her mouth. “That was the least you could do. My gala,” she shook her head, her speech muffled by bread, “would go above ‘the least.’”

[klunkcat]

Okay, I admit that piercings are a mayor special interest of mine as well as an attraction point in themself, so of course I absolutely loved that Vet Crowley fic but I also want to encourage you to write more, because I would absolutely DIE for Crowley with more piercings. Maybe Aziraphale realizes during their date that this Anthony fellow also has his tongue pierced and he asks about that and it kind of goes from there? I don't know, but if you need a sign to do more with this au, this is it.

(Oh, you’ve done it now my friend, I’m now knee deep in this AU and sinking fast. I have named the snake there is no return.) 

Zira didn’t exactly know what to call it, this…companionship they’d developed. Something more than friendship, he’d hope- hewasn’t exactly well versed in socializing or current trends, but he was fairlycertain the level of heated stares and blushing that occurred between the twoof them was out of the norm for most friends.

It wasn’t enough of course that Crowley was attractive, wellbeyond attractive, in fact. Or that he was witty, quick on his feet, wilyfor all intents and purposes. It wasn’t enough that the mischievous glint inhis eyes when he slid his glasses off made Zira’s heart quicken, or that hissmirk felt a little like basking too close underneath the heat lamps he’d purchasedrecently. It wasn’t even enough that he’d found Crowley to be inescapably kind,too. Selfless in the sort of way that left one breathless; subtle little gestures,like remembering Aziraphale’s favorite food, the temperature he liked his tea bestat, his favorite fonts even (anything with swash characters and discretionaryligatures that were kept within reasonable balance, of course. The newer scriptaddition Bookmania had been a very exciting development in 2011, he’d eventhrown a small soiree for the occasion, which was only objectively correct,thank you).

All of these elements were poised for his demise, certainly,but the absolute kicker of it all had snuck up on him on their fourth outing.He’d already accepted the eventuality of his combustion via those daunting bitsof metal near Crowley’s lower lip, when he’d said something rather snarky andbeen treated to a genuine full-bodied laugh. That in itself was pure gold tothe veins, but Zira had also discovered in that moment, a flash of somethingmetal in Crowley’s open smile.

And oh, but that single flash cultivated the worst addictionhe’d yet to experience so far. At the time, he’d been utterly enraptured, intrigued.Gabriel had often cited Zira’s stubbornness as a negative trait for which he shouldwant for improving and ridding himself of; he was a bit like a dog with a bone,on occasion. Or a man with a growing fascination with mouth related piercings, it seemed.

“Dear boy,” he’d been utterly unable to stop himself,entirely not to blame for the invasiveness of his following inquiry. He’d beendriven to madness, completely outside himself. Scurvy, probably. Or… hysteria,like the old days. “Is that…. A tongue piercing?”

Crowley’s smile slid into something more contained, reserved. As though he’d been rebuked for it before and had developed a practiced and measured out response he knew to deliver in specific doses. Heaven’swe can’t have that, Zira thought nervously in the sort of way one realizes they have casually strolled into a veritable open wound and begun tap dancing with cleats on. 

“And if it is?” Crowley replied,all perfectly calm and relaxed in the sort of way that meant anything but.

Perhaps that would have been the right moment to change thesubject, to practice that social cues lesson Michael had tried to instill himwith, to compliment it nicely and return to their scrumptious brunch. Ofcourse, what Zira intended and what often fell from his lips around Crowley tendedto be two separate things.

“I adore it,” he said, in a rush, and immediately felt hisface flair bright red. He abruptly decided his meal was very and entirelyfascinating, actually. Strawberries, he thought, panicked anddisjointed, what lovely strawberries this crêpe has. Every crêpe should have strawberries, oh, unless there were allergies. Truly terrible, a crêpe only allergy. To imagine such a thing. 

“Oh,” Crowley said, in a very faint voice Zira had neverheard from him. “Um.” It was enough to give Zira the courage to glance upwards,and catch the completely stunned, frozen expression on Crowley’s face. The poordear looked a tad panicked, ears bright red like the first day they’d met, withsomething flickering in the slight part of his lips that touched a bit on theside of awed.

“It’s. Yeah, pierced. Got it done the day after I turnedtwenty seven, actually. Bit of a birthday gift to myself.” 

“Did it hurt?” Zira was entranced, thoroughly, fully. He was gaping, eyes wide, and he could do nothing about it. 

Crowley seemed to fall back into comfort at the question,strangely. “Nah, not even a little. Made of tougher stuff, I am. Went and got myconch done a month later just to prove it.”

Although Zira didn’t know what a conch was in this context, he certainly hadspent a good amount of time staring at the complex snake loop of a piercingstraight through the hollow bit of Crowley’s ear like the snake was twined protectively around it. It was beautiful, truly, anart exhibit in itself. Everything about Crowley was pure art, though. From the crawlingpeek of tattoo’s around the collar of his shirt and the rolled up sleeves he rarely let anyone see, to thearray of curling metal and dark wood surrounding his ears, and of course tothose two glittering bits near his mouth.

The tongue piercing though, that was a whole newfascination. He decided then and there, he’d do everything in his power to getCrowley to laugh that widely and happily more often. Just for a peek, just to scratch Zira’s fascination itch, as it were.

It proved, unfortunately or fortunately he supposed, to befrighteningly easy; making little snarky quips here and there, which of courseonly made the whole thing worse. He invited Crowley over to his tiny apartmentslash book store slash antique store slash book bindery for wine one night, thrilledbeyond measure that Crowley hadn’t so much as hesitated before accepting the invite,and positively and fully, as Anathema liked to say, screwed himself over whenhe’d discovered Crowley was practically a giggly drunk.

If he’d used that information entirely too much, easingsmiles and grins and full on guffaws out of his friend, that was for him toknow.

He told himself firmly it was for curiosity, of course. Notbecause he was completely obsessed with the way Crowley’s nose crinkled up whenhe laughed, or the way his joy just picked Zira up and swept him along with it,or because of the devastatingly handsome column of his neck when he threw hishead back, or—

Oh.

Zira sincerely and deeply hoped they were more than simplyfriends. Otherwise this whole ‘half in love with him’ situation would be dreadfullyawkward.

Maybe it would have been for the best if he’d taken a few stepsback, then. He knew it was what his family would have suggested, although theword family was less here than there and their general suggestions would likelyhave been all over unhelpful to every degree considering their stance on tattoosor piercings on the whole front. He also knew he had a tendency to fret, towait and wait and overthink until opportunities passed, that his nervous naturemeant a lot more no’s than ‘why not’s in the past.

He also knew, with the sort of swelling certainty that feltan awful lot like coming home after a long trip, that when it came to Crowley,it was terrifyingly easy to be decisive. To be brave.

A more stable individual would likely have required two tothree business days to sort out their position on the whole ‘love’ thing, weightheir feelings (intense, fluttery, like eating those fizzy candies that poppedinside ones mouth) and the time they’d known each other (five months and twoweeks, to be exact), and what they were looking from the whole thing (everything,everything). They likely would have formed an action plan of sorts, invitedCrowley out to a nice dinner, dressed up handsomely for the occasion. Maybethey’d have taken a long romantic stroll at twilight around a pond, retire toone of their abodes for a drink, and then expressed their feelings openly andhonestly.

Zira, of course, had lost all sense of stability the momentCrowley and his attractive face and attractive laugh and attractively charming,sweet, careful personality had sauntered into his life. And so, naturally, he’dnot done any of those things.

To be entirely fair, however, the circumstances and generalstate of affairs within the universe appeared to be stacked against any attemptsfor rationality.

“Really, my boy, what exactly do you desire out of all thismess?” Aziraphale sighed, the sound caught funny in his throat and squeaked outa tad more hysterical than he felt. Probably. “You’ll be cold shortly, I shouldthink! Oh, and the night is meant to be a brisk one. I do hope you haven’tdecided to head on an afternoon stroll.” He shifted another couch cushion to noavail, feeling a burst of frustrated panic lodging itself somewhere between histhird and fourth rib.

“Angel!” A voice called, a familiarly attractive voice, anattractive and absolutely heavenly relieving voice.

“Come in! Do shut the door behind you, the last thing weneed is for him to get into the books. There’ll be no chance of finding himthen.”

He heard the muffled sound of shuffling shoes, and the quickclick of a door, before Crowley’s red hair appeared in the doorway. “Oh, thankyou for popping in so quickly, my dear. I’m nearly at my wits end!”

Crowley shrugged off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, “Bestnot thank me, not till we find the bastard anyways.” He placed his hands on hiships. “Where’d you last see him?”

Zira pushed a hand through his hair, a disaster made onlymore disastrous by the movement. A small part of him that wasn’t frayed to theseams with stress bemoaned the whole thing, he probably looked quite the sight.He’d only pulled on a dress shirt before noticing the empty terrarium and ajar lid,and he was fairly certain a few buttons had sprung loose during his ransackingof the place.

“I’d been working on the books all morning and thought to havea quick bath before getting ready for our, um. Our outing. I saw him just beforehand,all stretched out like always. Even gave him a little ‘hello, how’re you’, sohis mood swing really is quite surprising. A-a firm talking to is on my list,most definitely.”

Crowley quirked a small smile at him, which did everything tosoothe his nerves. “Right, well. Couldn’t possibly be putting up a fuss aboutthe care, here. You spoil him. He’s got to be nearby, it’s too cold outsidebesides. Wouldn’t want to be anywhere like that.”

Aziraphale swallowed and nodded. “I sincerely hope not, poorOscar.”

Crowley stepped closer and rubbed his shoulder reassuringly,with a half-faltered motion Zira couldn’t decipher. “He’s here. Probablysleeping somewhere, the lazy—”

“Crowley,” Zira admonished with a tired giggle. “Youadore that serpent, don’t lie. It’s unbecoming.”

“Me? Lie? Never.” Crowley gave him a crooked smile inresponse, and Zira felt the warmth of it down to his toes. “Okay, I’ll start inthe study. If we don’t find him in half an hour, I brought over some dinner- we’lllure him out.”

They did not find him in half an hour, much to Zira’sdistress. Crowley teased lightly that he should go for the minimalistic stylein the future, so there were less places for Oscar to hide. Zira had to agreeit would be an effective method, not even a snake would find Crowley’s awfulflat couch comfortable. Unfortunately, in their searching, Zira also discovereda gap in one of the floor vents.

“Oh no, he must have gone through the gap! He’ll be stuck inthere, oh, I can’t stand the thought!”

“Hold on, Zira. Snakes are better at climbing than you’regiving our Oscar the credit for, mm? Probably just needs a little encouragement.I’ve got just the thing.”

If anyone had asked Zira how he thought the night their piecesfinally fell together nicely, he certainly would not have said there was anythingstrikingly romantic about placing dead mice near a floor vent in his crowded, unfortunatelydusty flat. In fact, crawling on his hands and knees alongside a Crowley whowas half underneath his terribly old sofa trying to sweet talk a serpent froman even dustier ventilation shaft, was probably not among the first hundredsuggestions he would have made.

However, the look of unbridled joy and pride on Crowley’s facewhen he finally emerged with an equally grey dusted Oscar tucked with absolutecare in his arms, was undoubtedly among Zira’s most treasured and perfect memories.

If he’d been half in love before, he’d gone and jumpedheadfirst off the diving board in the last hour or so.

“Holy hell,” Crowley wiped an arm across his forehead, andcarefully secured the lid on Oscar’s lid. “Glad that’s done with, then. Dinner?”

And it was all truly terrible. The soft golden lighting settingfire to Crowley’s disheveled hair, the dust flecking across his cheeks likestars, the crooked state of his glasses, the rumpled expensive dress shirt thatwould be hell and a half to iron out again. The absolute giddy happiness in Crowley’seyes, like he’d have done anything just to be the one to rescue Zira’s day,like he was so grateful to be given the chance and so proud of succeeding. Itwas far too much.

“If you don’t kiss me, right this instant, I fear I shall bequite cross with you,” Zira huffed.

Crowley stared at him like he’d just plucked stardust fromthe ether, his face was turning a lovely shade of pink. “Oh. Right. Um. Youwill?” Crowley said, voice sounding positively strangled.

“I will! I’ll. I’ll have no choice but to… to run off to thecountryside. Beside myself with longing. I can hardly bear it.” Crowley pressedforward, cautiously, giving Zira every opportunity and then some to back up, tosay no. Zira’s heart was truly going to burst at the careful way Crowleycrowded him against the wall.  

Crowley’s hand pressed against the side of his neck, slowlystill, like he wasn’t sure if Zira was real. Like he wasn’t sure if he couldhave this. This terrible, terrible man, Zira thought, leaning into the touch,meaning absolutely none of it.

His golden eyes were very wide, and Zira stepped impossiblycloser, pressing his own palms flat against Crowley’s chest. He could feel thethump-thump-skip-thumb practically against the pads of his fingertips, somethinglarge and impossible and overwhelming rose in his throat.

“Zira,” Crowley breathed. “You…” He swallowedroughly. “You detest the countryside. All the bugs and things. No sushi outthere. Wouldn’t last a day.”

Zira pouted; his fingers curled against Crowley’s lapels.Crowley’s hand slid carefully backwards, until he was cradling the nape of Zira’sneck. “We’d have to let Oscar out again then, pest control. On a leash, maybe.”

Crowley softened, something a little sad with a lot of overwhelmedhope painting his expression like hues in a sunset. “We?”

Zira couldn’t bear it then, absolutely refused to bear itany longer. This infuriating man with his sarcasm and his piercings and his hipsand his heartbreakingly small sense of just how much of Zira’s heart he’d heldfrom the moment they’d met.

He leaned forward, closing the small gap between them, andkissed Crowley with all the lighting filled adoration he possessed.

Crowley’s hand froze, slackened, and then twisted up intoZira’s hair at the same moment a quiet sigh poured through him. The returningferocity of Crowley’s kiss made his head spin in delicious ways; Zira had onlybeen kissed a handful of times, but not once had it been so enveloping, soready to pull him in and wrap him up and fill him up with relief and excitementand bliss all at once. Then Crowley tilted his head, parted his lips, and Zira feltthat electric touch of that damned tongue piercing and he was quite content notto think any farther.

[audreyrosebooks]

💙Fantasy novel seeking beta readers!✨

Genre: Fantasy Length: 32 chapters, around 149K Timeframe: February 1 - April 30 2019 Triggers: Violence, death, death of a family member, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts. The book contains mild sexual content.

What is Blue Thorns?  Blue Thorns is a fantasy novel, and the first book of my fantasy series, Stars & Masks. See blurb below!

Glass doesn’t know where the tattoos on her arms come from. All she knows is that they come with a magic blacker than an abyss—a dangerous power she’s determined never to use again.

Still in hiding years after the chaos her magic has caused, she boards an airship headed for a place where nobody will come looking. She meets Wyn, who claims she will stop the blight that has ravaged the continent for the past decades: blue thorns that condemn whoever they touch to an early grave.

When Wyn discovers Glass’s magic can save people from the Blue Death, she becomes convinced fate has brought them together, and that they’ll fight the blue thorns side by side. Torn between the desire to aid Wyn in her quest and her fear of worsening matters, Glass must make a choice: turning away from the mysteries and consequences of her magic or facing them—and the shadows that haunt her wherever she goes.

* Series page here * Project tag * First chapter *

If blurbs aren’t your thing, please refer to this very serious powerpoint presentation. It’s my greatest accomplishment to date. 

What is required: 

Providing detailed feedback via a short feedback form after each chapter.

Be honest and respectful. The goal is not to praise the book or tear it down, but to help me make it into the book it can be:) 

Respect the deadline: April 30th 2019. (That means a reading rate of around 11.5 K a week. It’s perfectly fine to read less on some weeks as long as you catch up and complete the manuscript for the final deadline.)

What is not required:

A grammatical edit. I’m looking to iron out pacing, plot, characters, etc., so anything that has to do with specific lines will be handled at a later stage.

Inline comments. 

How to apply:

Read the first chapter here, and fill out this form before January 25th! 

edit: applications are still open and will be for a few days, probably until January ends! ✨💚💕 

Applications are now closed! Thanks to everyone who applied :) 

The form is in two parts: basic questions about yourself + questions about the chapter! It’s a way to make sure that: 

this is truly a book that interests you in terms of plot, writing, etc.

your insight is what I’m looking for. We’ll be in touch if you’re among the beta readers!

More details under the cut! 

If the first chapter leaves you unsure and you’d like a glimpse at others, just to make sure you’re really interested, pls message me so we can discuss it or so I can send you chapter 2! It’s not a problem for me at all.

How/when will we receive the book?  The book will be sent in 5 parts, roughly 6 chapters each. My goal is to send the first part to my readers by February 1st at the latest, since the deadline for providing all feedback is April 30.

How polished is this draft? While a fair amount of revising has been done since the first draft, the book is in no way in its final stage. If the presence of typos, awkward phrasing, etc., destroys your reading enjoyment, this probably isn’t the thing for you!

Is this YA? I consider the book to be NA, though the YA/NA distinction is always a bit murky. The protagonists are in their twenties, and bear in mind that teens aren’t the target audience. Beware of the triggers!

About the triggers They are mentioned at the top of the post! Note that the protagonist struggles with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. It comes up fairly often, so please keep that in mind.

On sensitivity 

I welcome criticism, and that includes any sensitivity-related criticism you might have for me! If my book hurts you, I invite you to talk to me (either through the forms or through email, DM, etc.) I will never ignore or dismiss your concerns, and I’ll work hard on any aspect you might mention.

But if the book hurts you, and beta reading becomes emotional labor and if you’d rather not read the rest, I’ll completely understand. Your safety/health comes first no matter what!

If you ask any questions about the book, the triggers, etc., feel free to ask me privately.  And if you don’t get picked for this round, please don’t take it personally. I honestly have no idea how much response this post will get, and there should be other occasions to read it later this year. 💙

Read the first chapter here, and fill out this form if you’re interested! And if you can’t participate/aren’t interested, reblogs are appreciated! 🌼🌺

[leaflovescloud]

Morning, world. 

Last night was a little bit crazy. Again, as usual, don’t really remember what happened last night. 

Anyways, my bedside lamp is finally working. Finally got the 2 pin plug, and the lamp is beautiful. I’m actually really proud of myself, to get most of the household items from online shopping though. And they look super nice. Now, my unit looks simple, but cozy. Feel like getting 2 more balcony chairs and table. But that will have to wait. Spent quite a fair bit this month. But I really can’t wait to sip on my coffee at the balcony. 

Speaking of balcony, I recently pick up a habit. So I wear slipper at home. Every morning, I will go out to the balcony bare feet. Read an article about this, and she said this is supposed to make you feel grounded. I don’t know how true is that lol, but we’ll see. 

Also, I discovered Lotus Mutiara Damansara yesterday? Honestly don’t really know about its existence, but it is huge. Can access to many things there as well, i.e. MR DIY, the heaven for cheapskate like me. So as I walked and as I shopped, a sense of familiarity flushed my face. I used to be like this as well. Getting groceries and essentials alone. And to be fair, that’s not too long ago, perhaps a year ago? 

Funny thing is, when I first moved in to my old apartment in 2019, I started off carless as well. I think I relied on grabcar for a while. Of course, there are kind souls who would drop me off from time to time. Really grateful for that. And I think I waited for almost a month or two before I got my car. This time, again I moved in to a new place without a car. Tell me if it’s coincidence lol. I really miss having my own car again, at least that would help me more. Like I can just go anywhere, anytime as well. Hope to get my car soon. 

I also bought a lil notebook, supposed to be healing diary. Honestly don’t know why i bought that as well. But anyways, I hope I can make good use of it. 

On a side note, fan is coming this Mondayyy. Can’t wait for that. So sick of my noisy fan bluerh.

Coming back to my healing journey, yes, I get it that we are not meant for each other. But I also shouldn’t just bury my love to him right away as well, and I shouldn’t try to avoid my feelings. I cannot tell myself that I have not truly loved him or that I don’t love him, because that’s just simply not true. Because avoidance helps and would help, but when you are faced with memories, events that would trigger your actual feelings for him, then that’s when it hits. 

And it will hit you so badly. And I don’t think it’s good for me. I’m still trying to make peace with it. It’s only by doing so, I can truly heal. 

Oh yeah, yesterday when I was doing groceries shopping, and I saw like couple PDA-ing, that hurts, because I’m gonna be the Winnie who goes to bar / cafe alone again. I mean, nothing is wrong for that. It’s just I think last time whilst I was contented, but deep down, I do hope someone could do it with me. 

I guess for human, no matter how contented we are with the presence, deep down, may be a little small part of us would still wish love can come knocking on our door. Even if this is not something of general application, but I would say that’s me. For far too long, people see me as someone strong, free spirited, fun etc. Of course because I act it that way. And the fact that people always think that way - it’s also because i have never truly shown that my vulnerable moments. I used to just swallow it by myself and I refused to let anyone come close to me during my vulnerable moments. Hence, that forms the general perception. 

I think as far as I want to be strong, free spirited etc, till to date, I’m still waiting for that someone, to be there for me. But again, I think it’s on me. Because I don’t trust people around me, I don’t trust they could help me. I feel like in many circumstances, what a normal person would do is perhaps to turn to their parents, and asking for advise? But I already dismissed their opportunity to do so at the outset, because I think they cannot help me. That’s why for the past, I have been containing, holding back my feelings and just trying to solve problems by myself. For the first time, recently, I tried to express my vulnerability to my mum and sister. For my mum, I know she is very worried about me, but she tried her best to talk to me everyday, she tried her best. For my sister, can’t deny this time she did give some good advice as opposed to switching the focus back to her each time I try to talk to her. May be I should start giving people around me a chance? 

But again, I also need to balance the equation by not overly relying on them to make feel better. Otherwise, it would cast a burden on them, really. 

Also, my retainer is ready. Hmm, I feel like I spent 5k for not much of improvement lol. I should have followed the instructions aih.

They say - 

“When God closes a door, he opens a window, but it's up to you to find it.”

This is oddly, comforting. 

Btw, I’m also thinking to get a tattoo. A tattoo that looks professional, lol. 

I also got myself the double eyelid tape. Was super self conscious yesterday, just thought I look different from last time, and look super ugly. I tried it out this morning, it worksss!

I love you, Winnie. Be good, alright. 

WC 

[raendown]

Chapter 49

@redhothollyberries Congratulations on getting your new job! In celebration, here’s the HashiTobi chapter you requested for the Soulmate Collection!

Under the cut and also on AO3!

Pairing: HashiramaTobirama Soulmate au: The one where you and your soulmate have matching tattoos somewhere on your body

In a twist of fate that he doesn’t come to appreciate until a few years later, Tobirama was the first to see Hashirama’s mark. Spending one’s birthday on a battlefield was nothing new and Hashirama hadn’t complained when he woke that morning covered in cold dew and colder leaves, marching through the dawn towards the trap they were looking to spring. Surprising the squad from the Shimura clan who had been hoping to surprise them gave their soldiers enough of an edge that the battle was surprisingly quick.

It had also made his brother cocky. Hashirama had leapt in to the fray with wild swings of his blade that made Tobirama despair as he chased after the older boy, guarding his back and removing anyone who sought to strike him from behind. When he heard Hashirama cry out in pain his worry was overlaid with a thick layer of exasperation. By the time he was able to get his brother off the field and locate a med-kit he was already halfway through a lecture about being more careful. Hashirama curled his head inwards and muttered apologies over and over while Tobirama rolled his eyes.

“You’re going to get yourself killed,” he grumbled. “Don’t make me lose you too, brother. You’re not old enough to die yet.” Hashirama shook off his gloom and instead graced him with a wide smile.

“I am officially sixteen today! I’m not young anymore!”

Tobirama resisted the urge to smack his face in to his own palm. “Turning sixteen does not mean you are suddenly an adult. Now quit squirming and let me clean your wound.”

Hashirama obediently removed his shirt to provide access to his arm. The skin had been flayed open by the cruelly spiked tips of a cat-o-nine-tails. Tobirama had never seen one of them used in battle before and he wished he could have watched that person training with it. It seemed like it would be an incredibly difficult thing to use during a fight and he would have loved a chance to study the mechanics of it.

All thought about possible weapons and the difficulties of their use flew out of his head, however, when the rag he was using to wipe away the blood uncovered a different color then should have been found there. His frown deepened when the dark, almost blackish red came away to reveal a lighter red underneath, entwined with a brown even deeper than Hashirama’s natural skin tone. Hashirama asked what was wrong but he shushed the older boy, wetting his rag with the canteen at his hip and cleaning the arm more thoroughly.

What he found was a tattoo-like mark that had not existed that morning. Lines of brown and red twisted around each other to form the shape of a stylized leaf. He blinked in wonderment, tracing it with his fingertip.

“Brother look,” he said quietly. Hashirama lifted his arm to see what the fuss was about. Then his jaw dropped.

“My soul mark! I got my soul mark!” He traced the tattoo as well, reverence in his eyes and a grin on his lips. “Amazing. It’s so beautiful!”

Tobirama was inclined to agree. He had seen some rather boring soul marks and some needlessly complicated ones as well. The one on his brother’s arm was beautiful in its simplicity while still remaining interesting and it was honestly the nicest he had ever seen. He could only hope his own would be as pleasant when he finally turned sixteen as well.

Hashirama insisted that he bind the wound without covering the fresh mark, obviously wanting to look at it some more. Tobirama did his best and soon enough the flayed skin was safely hidden under several layers of bandages, soul mark proudly displayed just above the white cloth. He helped his brother to his feet and the two of them rejoined the rest of the clansmen, assisting with the other wounded and checking the bodies of the fallen to ensure their enemies were truly dead.

Tobirama honestly didn’t give much thought to his brother’s soul mark after that, rarely thought of it except on the rare occasion when he wore sleeves short enough for the brand to peek out. It certainly wasn’t on his mind when he woke three years later on his own birthday, disoriented and unsure how many days he had lain unconscious. He was instead thinking of the scolding he would get for allowing his enemies to get so far inside his defenses, no matter that he had been outnumbered and still managed to successfully assassinate the target. His father would scold him anyway.

Through the haze of chakra exhaustion, Tobirama didn’t even think to check himself for a mark until well in to the evening. Not until he had built a fire and collapsed next to it in the far recesses of a cave he had used for shelter many times before. With a good sleep tonight he would be rested enough to make it home by late the next day.

When it occurred to him that today was his birthday, unless he had slept through the date entirely, he sat up as swiftly as his tired body would allow. He began pulling at his shirt and twisting around, trying to spot anything new on his skin. His torso turned up nothing so he reached for his trousers instead, thinking it might have appeared on his legs or hips. His fingers fumbled at the button because of the gloves he was wearing and he pulled them off with an irritated noise – then froze. His left palm was decorated by twisting lines of brown and red. He shook his head, unsure if the exhaustion was causing him to see strange things. When he opened his eyes again, however, it was still there. A stylized leaf that exactly matched the one he had years ago discovered on Hashirama’s arm.

He stared at his palm for a very long time. His thoughts leapt and jumbled, tumbling over each other until even he couldn’t tell what he felt about this. He lifted his opposite hand and traced the mark in the same way he had once traced Hashirama’s, wondering how he would react knowing that the one his soul mark had bound him to was his own brother.

Ice made its way down his spine as he considered that. Hashirama could have any number of reactions. Tobirama could care less what anyone else thought but Hashirama – his brother’s opinion had always been the only one that mattered to him. His brother had always been the only person he ever truly connected with. And he had watched the older boy, now a young man, as he searched diligently for his soulmate these last three years. Would it break his heart to know just who was waiting for him? As exhaustion finally crept up upon him, tugging him down in to the darkness of sleep, Tobirama silently vowed to keep this a secret. He couldn’t lose Hashirama. He would rather hurt him than break him.

Keeping his secret, however, turned out to be harder than he anticipated. He had thought he would just wear gloves whenever he was not alone. That had been questioned immediately by both surviving members of his family as well as his cousin Touka. Hashirama had thought he was hiding an injury and nearly tore both of his gloves off. It also quickly became obvious how difficult it was to complete his more delicate experiments when his fingers were covered in leather or cloth. He solved the second problem by switching to fingerless gloves. The first he did his best to ignore. He left their questions unanswered until eventually they were forced to just accept that he had decided to pick up the habit of wearing gloves.

Not that it was forgotten about by any means. Hashirama in particular liked to spring a question or two on him at random, hoping he would slip up and reveal the reason behind his new fashion choices. Tobirama simply couldn’t bear to tell him.

In the years that followed Tobirama stayed as close to Hashirama as he dared. He took up his position guarding his brother’s back both in battle and in life and asked for no more than that. He stood silent as he watched the older man smile his way through life, becoming clan leader and seeking to make peace with the Uchiha. He knew very well that Hashirama was convinced that Madara must be his soulmate and he taught himself not to flinch whenever the subject was raised.

The day his secret finally came to light was no special day at all. There was no special occasion or dramatic reveal. He wasn’t even awake to see what Hashirama’s first reaction was.

He had fallen asleep after working for too many hours in a row, determined to make the Kage Bunshin jutsu work. It was nearly completed but the clones simply weren’t hardy enough for his liking. After working late in to the night he had fallen asleep at the desk in his lab. When he woke a few hours later he opened his bleary eyes to see the walls of his bedroom around him. That was nothing new. Hashirama had carried him to bed after he’d fallen asleep many times before.

What was new was the soft sensation of something tracing across the palm of his left hand. Groggy and still half-asleep, he lifted his head to see Hashirama sitting next to him, his hair haloed in sunlight. The older man was looking down at his lap where one of his hands was cradling Tobirama’s left, the other tracing shapes in his palm. As his exhausted brain slowly came back in to focus he realized what was wrong with that picture.

His gloves were gone. His palm was bare.

Hashirama must have noticed him waking up because he clamped his fingers around Tobirama’s wrist in a vice-like grip only half a moment before he tried to pull it away. He gave some thought to trying to fight to get it back but thought better of it. So instead he lay still and waited with lead in his chest, breathing shallowly to stem the rising tide of panic.

“You started wearing gloves just after your sixteenth birthday,” Hashirama said, his voice subdued. “I remember that I thought you had been hurt and you were trying to hide it. And then afterwards I thought maybe you were hiding the scars.” Tobirama could feel the way his hand was trembling in the older man’s hold. His body wanted to tremble too. “I wasn’t thinking about that last night. I just wanted you to sleep comfortably. So I took off your armor and your gloves and…and there it was.”

“Hashirama…”

“You hid this from me.” He flinched as brown eyes turned to look at him accusingly. “Why?”

He swallowed hard, trying to force his voice to work. “I was afraid,” he admitted. Hashirama’s eyes widened.

“You? Of what?”

“I can’t lose you,” Tobirama said, his voice a quiet whisper. His brother looked as if he’d just seen a ghost and it had slapped him in the face.

“You thought…” Hashirama looked down at the hand in his lap. “You were afraid of what I would think. I understand that. Still, it’s been five years Tobirama. How could you just stand by and let me search for my soulmate? How could you stay silent when you’ve known about this the whole time?”

“I can’t lose you.” He didn’t know how else to put his fears in to words.

Because Hashirama was looking at it from the wrong perspective. He was asking the wrong questions. How could Tobirama have taken a chance on losing what was most important to him? How could he have said something when it might have ended with him being asked to leave? How could he chance seeing disgust in the eyes of the one he loved above all others?

When he said nothing more, Hashirama looked back to him. As their eyes met the older man seemed to read his fears in his expression. His face softened and he finally let go of Tobirama’s hand, leaning over to instead use his own to cup the side of his brother’s face.

“You could never lose me,” Hashirama said. “You are more precious to me than the whole world.”

“You’re not upset? We’re brothers. People will…talk.”

Hashirama gave a soft snort. “Have I ever cared for what people think?”

“I suppose not,” Tobirama allowed. Slowly, hesitantly, he let himself smile. The weight in his chest lifted and he felt almost as if he were breathing for the first time in years. The tension he had stopped paying attention to a long time ago seeped its way out of him until he was left feeling almost boneless with relief.

The suddenly weightlessness combined with the lack of sleep had his head swimming. He sank even farther in to the mattress that he was still sprawled out upon and closed his eyes. Above him he heard Hashirama chuckle a bit. Weight shifting on the bed before a soft kiss was pressed to the center of his forehead. He cracked one eye back open to watch Hashirama lay down beside him.

“Neither of us slept much,” the older man said. “I suppose you don’t mind if I just rest here with you?”

Tobirama shook his head, trying not to let his smile grow. And when a strong arm pulled him closer to rest his head on the older man’s chest, he didn’t mind that either.

[lwoorl]

Fanfic retrospective 2018

I have seen 2 people doing this and I thought, oh, why not?! So lets revisit all the fics submitted last year!

Online Hero Need Friends:

Summary: Izuku makes some online friends when he's in middleschool that he keeps when he becomes a pro hero. But he never told them he's The Deku.

Thoughts: This fic was kind of unexpected for me! In a lot of ways. I got inspiration for the idea from a post of Tumblr, but wasn't really going to do anything with it, and one night, suddenly, I just started to write it! I finished the first chapter around 3am on a work day and the response was… Unexpectedly amazing? I remember watching at my phone just seeing the numbers growing and growing, so many people just loved it!!! So I decided hey fuck it let's make it have multiple chapters so, I sort of did that. All chapters were written on moments between classes and it's amazing so many people liked this because it's mostly just a self indulgent piece of fluff with some ocs hanging out, a friend described it as “A long ass fic where nothing happens” (Which is super accurate) but I enjoyed making it and I loved creating the characters!!! I'm gonna finish it sometime in 2019. Sorry for everyone who's been waiting for the epilogue, but I promise this isn't abandoned!!!!

This is my most successful fic to the date which is honestly fucking weird. I'm serious guys, this is a story where NOTHING happens, just fluff with no substance and not even with characters you already know beforehand!! The hell is wrong with you?!

I don't believe you. You aren't like THAT:

Summary: Dick tells Damian he's gay. His brother doesn't take it well.

Thoughts: Ooof this fic. This was a vent fic. I made it after some stuff happened, mostly cause I relate super hard to Dick's relationship with Damian. Tbh this is just a self indulgent wish fulfilment piece of crap, but hey, that's what fics are for, aren't they?! It's actually super embarrassing to think this was my first DC fic, because, again, self indulgent trash. I'm honestly never ever ever gonna recommend anyone to read it, it's, well, embarrassing!!! I hope no one who knows me in real life ever touches it, they would immediately know which situation made me write it and I would just combust with embarrassment on the spot. Ugh. I've thought about orphaning it because, again, super personal and super embarrassing!!! But it's also kind of close to my heart? So I don't think I could just throw it away ever.

Night Habits:

Summary: Damian has a nightmare and goes to Dick's room to feel better. It's not the same as before. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: This is another fic that was surprisingly popular!! I was thinking of writing a talon!dick story for a while now, and one day I just sit and wrote this. Again, Dick and Damian's relationship is SO precious to me, so of fucking course I did it about that. To be honest I feel this story is lacking because it lacks any context whatsoever, it's a problem I've noticed with all that series, it's just cute or sad moments without much context. But then again, it's fanfiction, and I learned a while ago to stop worrying whether something I post is good or not. Personal enjoyment > Quality.

Grappling Hook:

Summary: Little Dick Grayson goes missing soon after he moved to the manor. Bruce finds him sleeping in the cave as a grappling hook. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Oh man. Listen, one day I just thought “Hey, I wanna see a soul eater AU of the batfam.” Then I looked and looked… And there wasn't any!! Can you believe it?! So I started to think of my own, not really knowing if it would be a comic or an ask blog or a fanfic. 

Soon it became more of a soul-eater-inspired thing than something actually related to soul eater, because honestly the only thing I really wanted was an au where everything was the same except people turned into objects. I shared the idea with a friend and we started to brainstorm worldbuilding and headcanons. One of those headcanons was that one day Dick just sorta disappeared and Bruce found him as an object sleeping somewhere. I'm not sure why I wrote this first? But I guess I had to start the series somehow and people liked it. So, yay.

Bo Staff:

Summary: Tim turns into an object for the first time. And then accidentally gets locked in a closet. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: My fingers puked this fic THE MOMENT I finished Grappling Hook. Listen, at that point I had been around 6 months without classes and bored out of my mind so, can you blame me? A ton of the following fics also happened DAYS after these, so, yeah, I guess I just really needed something to do, the following weeks were just insanely productive for me.

I like the contrast this fic creates with Dick's. Overall, I think it's ok. I'm not sure if I want to subscribe to the portrayal of Tim's parents here? I like the idea that they care but just are too absorbed on their work to actually notice the kid exists, but I think here they came off as downright hateful. Oh well, I can blame it to it being from Tim's POV I guess. Unreliable narrator and what not. I also think I didn't make it as angsty as I wanted it to be, but most people said it was still pretty sad, so, I guess that's ok.

How (not) to cope when your brother is turned into a zombie that might or might not still be him:

Summary: Tim realizes he's (just maybe) been fucking up a little bit. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: Oh, this thing. I liked how this thing turned out! I don't 100% like my portray of Talon!Dick on this series. I wanted to make it kind of like Rei in the evangelion movies after she becomes an empty doll, but, like, not so drastic? But idk man, I just have seen way more interesting portrayals of Talon!Dick before so maybe that's why I feel like it's lacking. 

I really enjoyed writing this one fic tho, there are some scenes I really enjoyed writing in here, like when Tim got kicked out of his team for an university project hahaha. Also this was my first time writing a nightmare and it made me realize my deep love for writing dream sequences. Since then I'm trying to restrain myself from adding a dream to every single one of my stories, since I feel it's more powerful with moderation, but believe me when I say the tentation is there…. Hm. Maybe I could write something that's nothing but compilations of characters dreams???? Sure would be a cool character exploration exercise. Hm. Hmmmmmm… I might just have had an idea….

Training:

Summary: Jason asks Dick to help him training on being a shifter. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This was a fun thing to write!!! I wasn't sure about writing young Jason, but it turned out alright, and overall I just had fun making this!!! I think I portrayed Dick and Jason's relationship well enough, maybe a bit more friendly than they were at the time, but fuck it, I liked this story.

Changzhou Comb:

Summary: Cassandra has a hard time forgetting old habits. (Shifters AU series) 

Thoughts: Oh man. This thing. This thing. Listen I didn't know Cass that well before writing this, I knew some about her and her backstory, but I wasn't really that interested in the character. However, I got this thing that makes me want to portray characters that aren't mine really well, so, naturally, I read every single one of her issues as Batgirl as preparation. Twice.

And. I. Loved it. I loved it so much!!! I loved her so SO much!!! She was such an amazing, endearing, interesting character!!!! Then I finally sit down, and started the story. And let me tell you I was SUPER worried this would turn out mediocre, I wanted to portray the character well but didn't think I could. But then, then something, I don't know what, but something possessed me and I just… Began writing. And it turned out amazing. This is one of my best fics to date. I'm super proud of this one and it's a shame it's the least popular story of this series.

Grandfather's Collection:

Summary: A funny cute little story from Damian's childhood: The first time he pets a cat! (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This fic was fun to write! It allowed me to show some stuff I wanted to show and it's always a treat to use an unreliable narrator. Also Damian as a tiny little kid excited because of a cat is a treasure. I guess I wish this had been a bit creepier??? But then again, it's hard to make anything truly creepy when your narrator is a tiny kid who's having the best day of his life.

Revolver:

Summary: Some time after coming back to life Jason discovers something's changed. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: I got conflicted feelings about this one. On one hand, I like how the narrator for Jason turned out, and I think the story is fine, it just feels… Idk, contrived? It does depart from canon by a lot (I'm sorry but I just love aus where Jason stays with Talia and Rah's for some time) and I worry Rah's motivations come off as, you know, kinda shallow??? He feels like a Disney villain. And I honestly like writing him like a Disney villain???? I know he's complex in canon and stuff but… Idk, I kind of really enjoy writing him as the embodiment of evil who can decide if you live or die in a whim, so I will probably keep writing him like that, even if it's ooc.

Engraving:

Summary: Tim asks Jason if he knows a good tattoo parlor. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This one was fun!!! This was a bit of worldbuilding I wanted to show since I first invented this AU, and I think it turned out alright. I'm satisfied with Jason and Tim's interactions. I think including the conversations with Kon and Bart at the end was kind of forced maybe??? But fuck it!! It's fic!!! Personal enjoyment > Quality!

Sleepover:

Summary: Damian has a nightmare. Set during Dick's time as Batman. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Hellooo again my love for writing weird ass dreams!! This fic was fun, and I like how it ended. From Damian's nightmare to Dick comforting him, it was nice. Just, a nice fic overall. I don’t have much else to add, just. I liked it, I had fun. I really like this one.

Tantrum:

Summary: Jason refuses to shift back, Bruce is out of his depth. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Honestly this is bad. Just, a bad fic. I really wanted to write something with this general plot, but I don't know if I just wasn't inspired or what but at some point I just went “Ya know what, fuck it.” And rushed it, just, getting out of the way the list of things I wanted to include. Which is a shame cause the basic premise was good!!! I think I might rewrite it someday, I would like to actually write something good out of that plot. Hm.

Let's dance in my borrowed shoes tonight:

Summary: Dick is missing. Someone has to cover for him. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: Another Cass fic, another idea I wasn't sure I could live up to, another amazing fic that turned out better than expected. I don't know why but Cass just awakens some poetic part of me I guess. It's funny, the more I write her, the more she starts to turn into my favorite character.

I like this one, a lot. Cass as Nightwing is super super cool, and I like how awkward and insecure she is with the whole thing. I really liked the whole watercolor thing too. I was practicing how to use watercolors around the time I wrote this, so you can bet that line came directly from that. I liked to describe the city as painting, I think it suits it. I just. Liked that part a lot.

Also you get a random girl trying to kiss Cass, so what’s not to love?!

Hight morning last minute visit:

Summary: Jason visits someone he hasn't seen in a while. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: I had this idea for a while now, almost since the beginning of the series, a friend gave it to me and I wanted to write it but I wasn't sure how. I think this turned out alright, I liked my portrayal of Talon!Dick in this one for a change, and I really really liked adding that part where Jason admits he didn't actually kill anyone and tells the story of the kid.

Also, I had this idea for the happy birthday, and I even told my friend “I'm gonna end it in happy birthday Dick and it's gonna be super sad” and she was like “uhhh… Ok?” And I made sure the last line was a gut punch, and based on the reaction of everyone in the comments I succeeded!!!! It was important for me that the last line turned up the sad a lot, it was the whole point of the fic, so I'm glad I could make it work!!!!!

And by the way, the title isn’t a typo. I know how to write “high”. 

Training II: Teacher's teacher

Summary: Someone had to teach Dick how to be good at shifting before he was actually good at it. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Oh man, this whole thing was basically just an info dump disguised as fluff. I needed to add some worldbuilding before moving to some stuff in this series so I used this to get it out of the way, I really hope it wasn't too confusing!!!

In general I liked this fic, I had a ton of fun writing it! I had this idea of Lois being an absolute beast in this AU and I'm happy I could finally show it off, even if I kind of feel she's a tiny itty bit out of character.

Also, there are tons of fics exploring Dick's relationship with Clark, but not so much with Lois. I wanted to make them closer in this AU than in canon and I like how their relationship was portrayed here…. Lois is just a ton of fun.

I also really like how when Lois talks about being a shifter her speech is exactly the opposite of what Dick tells Jason, just a fun detail that shows everything the characters say is just their perspective and everyone got a different opinion on how they see being a shifter, no one’s 100% right.

This was the last fic of 2018 and you got no fucking idea how hard it was to have it ready in time. I almost didn't include the last part because of lack of time, but!! At the end I was able to add everything I wanted to!!! And publish it in time!!!

Special fic

Syntax error.

Listen. Listen. This. This is a special one, that's why I'm talking about this apart from the others. Why is this fic a special one you ask? Oh, I don't know, maybe because I've bEEN WORKING AROUND EIGHT MONTHS ON THIS SHIT BEFORE EVEN PUBLISHING IT?!

Listen. Just. Just listen. I spent way too much time just plotting this story. Way too long. I spent hours just ranting about this to my friends. I made a fucking playlist for this thing. I spent days just figuring out what the chapters will be named. I spent HOURS. DAYS. Researching each character to write them properly, there are chapters I've written like four times for this shit.

Now, is this perfect? Hell no. Specially the first chapters are unpolished as hell and you know you're gonna find typos because I always miss at least one. But as far as I'm concerned this is the only thing I'm actually putting effort into. All the other fics? All the other fics and series I've talked about? Those are just projects to pass the time. Stuff I do when I'm bored. I love them, sure, but it's not like it took more than three hours to write any of them. They're fun stuff, they're entertainment, they're something to pass the time. I will write them between classes or when I'm bored and open drive in my phone and write them without much planning or care. They're just that. Fun

But this thing? This thing right here? Syntax error? That's my baby. That's my goddamn main project. This thing right here already stole hours of my goddamn life and it will only keep stealing more. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I honestly don't give a fuck how many people read this one, I'm past the point of caring. I have and will keep pouring tears, sweat and blood into this shit. This is something I actually care about. This. This is such a personal project guys…. I…. Love… This one…

So that's the retrospective of fics published on 2018!!!!

Man, that was fun, let's just hope 2019 is also a fun, productive year!!!!!