#i just feel like i usually think my stress is very visible and i guess it isnt? apparently? according to karen it isnt lol

[clownboy-yeehonk]

.

[donutz]

Yandere Dogday x shy female reader

A/N|| Yandere Dogday isn't really a yandere that acts out, he just watches, as I prefer sticking characters to their personalities, and the fact Dogday wouldn't hurt a fly, literally. Also this is quite shorter than my usual uploads, sorry(x_x)

Request from Wattpad—! Here you go Justlila79 ☆

—☆You are a human in this

I mean, Playtime co wouldn’t be a bad place to work at right?

It’s just dealing with a bunch of toys! And kids..

There’ll be times where you freak out a bit on how human they were.

Toys with a digestive system? You weren’t sure about that one…

But what harm could go along with that? After one month you’re already warming up to this place!

Though you sometimes feel uneasy.

Like when you’re by yourself. You can barely even get sleep! Well at your workplace… I guess that motivates you not to sleep on the job.

And because of that certain someone stalking you, you can kind of.. Zone out. Of course, somebody had to notice. Dogday. He’s asked why you’re so tense, but when you explain it he gets nervous.

… Thinking about it, it is kinda strange. You’ll look into the shadows and at times you’ll see a resemblance of a sun.

The same sun that laid as a necklace around Dogday’s neck. There’s no way the cheerful and loving dog would be stalking you right? Yea probably, he’s been giving you hints without trying.

Maybe you’re just thinking too much! Yeah that’s all. You do tend to do that with every situation.

You’d go off and adventure into those particular shadows but that’s how you get killed in a horror movie. But if that stalker was Dogday I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t do anything but walk away, or try to make a noise to distract you.

.

.

.

Maybe you should just stop thinking about it.

“Co-worker! Are you alright?” Dogday’s bright voice snapped you out of your very deep thoughts.

“Uh, yeah. Maybe.”

“... Is it because of that person who ‘stalks’ you..?”

You wouldn’t want a cheerful dog to know that you’re stressed. I mean it’s Dogday so it’s okay… Maybe.

“... Yeah. I don’t feel too uneasy about it but— I think I know who.”

You could visibly see Dogday’s eyes growing more worried.

“Oh! Really…”

You gently hold his sun necklace as you make eye contact with him,(something that you can barely do)“Are you the one who’s been watching me Dogday…?”

“...”

“Could you just answer me please..”

After a good 5 minutes of silence, you had to do something to convince him to talk.

“I won’t be mad—”

“Yes. I am.”

You let out a big sigh, “That’s what it took to convince you? Makes sense. But why?”

“Uhm… Because I like you.”

“In which way…”

“Not like a crush but… Like I wanna hang out with you and be with you.. All the time…”

“You should’ve just told me Dogday… You can hang out with me more often if you’d like, just ask.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay.”

After that talk, you went to your work area and had Dogday with you because the kids haven’t woken up yet so it was fine for him to be here.

He was sitting on your lap with his tail wagging, mainly because he can finally get that ton of weight that was on your back, and be with you at the same time.

To the average adult your work would be boring, but to Dogday it was like a whole new world. You looked down and saw how happy Dogday was just to be alone with you.

You found it adorable.

He really is just a puppy.

[starjxsung]

okayyy i guess i will make the first request !!! :3 what do you think jealous sex with skz would be like ? the type of sex where they're so jealous and frustrated by something (or someone), they need to fuck their frustration into you

giggles and runs away

-🦢

Chan: quiet at first about why he’s frustrated or jealous tbh. sorta just makes it obvious that he’s horny (I lowk feel like he would get horny as a result of being frustrated or mad??), fucks his anger out on you and it’s v sloppy, not rushed per se but closer to a quickie even though he can still go a few rounds. Lots of heavy grunting and he’s not trying to be quiet at all. And only after he’s finished and you’re in bed beside him catching your breath, he’ll indulge you in the details of what’s got him so bothered. Become the sort of thing where you’re horny if he comes home in a visibly frustrated mood because you know what it implies ! Very talkative during aftercare though. Like your own personal little Channie gossip sesh

Minho: will rant to you between kisses while he’s ripping your clothes off. Hes definitely indulging you in all the details the second he’s alone with you- you’re the type to be on the same page about everything together, and naturally, you hate the people he hates and vice versa. So when he’s frustrated, he goes to you first about it. Sometimes it can be a very emotional sort of thing, could mean he’s shedding a few tears out of frustration and you’re there to console him about it. But when it’s just straight anger or annoyance, he’s going to rant to you until he physically cannot talk in between kisses anymore. He’ll probably even just start to fuck you while he’s still ranting until his frustration turns into the type of pleasure that replaces his words with nothing but heavy breathing and moaning. Not even sure what he was so annoyed about by the time he’s done w you !

Changbin: doesn’t want to make a big deal about it ! You have to sorta coax it out of him. And honestly, he’s simultaneously best coaxed and relaxed after a good fuck. He’s not one to be too rough or anything just because he’s upset, but he’s just grateful you’re the best stress reliever. Lots of kissing, desperate grabbing at each other and sometimes the sex can even feel lighthearted when he’s aware that you’re doing your best to comfort him. Sort of the realization that no source of frustration or jealousy is worth letting it come between the two of you. So he’ll just give himself to focusing on your pleasure and then talk it out after. He might even deny it after and joke around that he was never frustrated or jealous to begin with, but he’s still thanking you for it and eventually you’ll be on the same page about what’s bothering him.

Hyunjin: sweaty. When he gets consumed by frustration or especially jealousy, he’s particularly sloppy with his thrusts, very sweaty, probably sucks a few hickies wherever he can reach and doesn’t care to make them discreet. He’s all heavy breathing, loud groaning, just kinda wants to fill you up with his load as a stress reliever tbh. Feel like he wouldn’t say anything about it but you’d know he was jealous in the way he fucks. Also evident in the way he speaks very little- of course he’ll pay careful attention to cues to make sure he’s not hurting you or anything, but the talking will be very minimal. He just relies on his body language to indicate what he wants. If he is jealous about something, my guess is you won’t know until he’s had a few days to wait on it before saying anything.

Jisung: needier than usual ! Feel like especially if he got jealous over something, he’d be itching to get you home and fuck you like he never has before, just to prove a point. Maybe uses it as an opportunity to try something you’ve both been wanting to try. The guy at the bar was staring at you a little too long? He’s going to drag you to the car and fuck you right there, knowing you’ve been vocalizing your desire to try it, but he sees it as an opportunity to get your head spinning before you can get him even more frustrated. You can bet he’s going to walk back into the bar with his shirt half-on and a cocky fucking smirk. Has you wrapped around his finger tbh, so jealousy isn’t a huge deal ! Frustration is just opportunism for him.

Felix: particularly keen on pleasuring you. He’s vulnerable with his emotions at first, so you’ll know that he’s got something on his mind, but then he just wants to make you feel good in turn. Has you on the edge of his bed very fast, all desperate to eat you out and channel all his frustration into his tongue and his fingers. Your mood is often aligned with his- which means if he’s stressed, you’re stressed, and vice versa. Solution is to make you cum as many times as you can- and then pretty soon your satisfaction is his, too. Definitely won’t lose an opportunity to fuck you too, probably transitions to fucking you when you’re just nearly tired enough so he can make sure you’re both exhausted and satisfied by the end of it. Just treats you good all around !

Seungmin: actually doesn’t get frustrated or jealous very often. And when he does, he’s largely nonchalant about it. Will offhandedly mention something that pissed him off, and you know it’s a little more than mild annoyance when he gets quiet. It’s you who wants to pleasure him as a result, and it quickly becomes some unspoken thing between you both to just fuck out the frustration. He probably doesn’t even realize how annoyed he is until he’s thrusting into you and his emotions are elevated tenfold. He’s still gentle with you, and very set on making you feel good. But you both have the same idea to pleasure each other as much as possible, so it quickly gets rougher and sloppier. The aftercare is A1 though and you probably take like a 10 hour nap after it tbh

Jeongin: a little embarrassed that he’s even frustrated or jealous in the first place! Feels like he’s not supposed to be for some reason. He has this opinion that as a boyfriend, he shouldn’t drag his emotions into your relationship and potentially let it get between you two. But also king of healthy communication, so he’ll reluctantly bring it up to you and then apologize and swear he’s not frustrated or jealous anymore (even if he is…) and the sex that follows is sweet, but desperate. He’s just desperate to be a little closer to you, like a physical reminder that you’re his and you’re not going anywhere regardless of his moods or whatever made him jealous. He loves taking control and being able to look at you, kiss you, touch you wherever he can and just have a tangible reminder that you’re satisfied with him.

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

YAYY!! Reqs are open again! I know you’ve already done something similar but can you do maybe some hcs of Graysons mental if that makes sense (like anxiety, depression, schizophrenia) only if you feel comfortable ofc <3

sad grayson head canons pt. 2

of course! i wont be talking about schizophrenia though bc i don't know enough about it and i don't feel comfortable talking about smth knowing i might be writing things that are completely inaccurate and that might offend/hurt some people. i apologize if these suck or if this is really short. when i made this post, i had just found out someone in my family was in the hospital and i wrote these to distract me so idk how good they'll be. not all of these will be on anxiety and depression btw. tw for suicidal thoughts. hope you still like them <3.

when he swims at night, the pool tends to be very cold bc its the one of the only things that makes him forgot about everything that is making him anxious. if he can't swim, he takes cold showers.

although it might not look like it, he gets very anxious and overwhelmed in situations where there are a lot of people. he overthinks everything he says to them, wonders if his suit looks nice enough/if he's presentable, if he's making a good impression, and has trouble focusing when there are so many people he has to talk too. he's very good at hiding it though so you would never guess (like i said, multiple people, if its just one person it doesn't matter to him)

like i said in my last hc, he gets anxious when talking to many people. i want to add that usually, its not usually himself that makes himself anxious but emily talking in his head telling him he's doing smth wrong. basically, if it weren't for emily, he wouldn't be anxious talking to so many people. idk if this one makes sense.

one of the reasons he wears suits is bc it makes him feel put together when he feels like a mess in his head. he always looks so flawless which makes people think he's fine.

he went through a period of time when he was younger where he couldn't get out of bed to go to school/do his school work which ig seems ooc, but we're talking about young grayson here, not the put together version of him we know. he hated himself so bad he didn't think it was worth living anymore and thought that there was no point in working if he wasn't going to live long enough to get a career/become an adult. also, another reason was bc he felt sm pressure to be the best that he kind of just gave up. tobias got mad at him and thought he was overreacting. he did get better thanks to his brothers, enough for him to start doing his school work again and start handling the pressure he was under.

he's very self-conscious about his appearance. by this i don't mean looking put together, i mean sometimes he'll look in the mirror and think he's gained weight which makes him workout more/swim. its not that he finds himself ugly, he just doesn't want people to notice and think something's wrong/he's going through something when he obviously is (cause in his head, if he doesn't always look the same, people will think smth's wrong/he's loosing control but thats just not true).

he used to have bad acne growing up and it really affected his confidence. he used to try to cover it up with concealer but no matter what he did it was always visible. it ended up going away but he hates looking at old pictures of himself cause he hates seeing it. it caused him really bad anxiety in public bc he thought people were judging him.

sometimes, people will try to talk to him but he won't hear them bc he can't stop stressing over all of the things he has to do and is stuck in his head. people have to repeat what they're saying and and shake him to get him out of spiraling.

grayson tried to stop taking his anti depressants when he was younger cause he was sure he didn't need them. he realized not long after that he couldn't just stop and that they were actually helping him.

after he realized they were helping him, he started to wonder why he couldn't be 'normal' like his other brothers (at the time, he didn't know his brothers were also struggling with their own issues)

to handle his anxiety when he was younger, he would punch a punching bag. this was before he learned how to handle his anger and stuff. he only allowed himself to lose control when doing this.

his room and office have to be clean at all times. if it isn't, it causes him even more anxiety. it makes him feel messy and not in control.

his grand father used to tell him that hawthornes don't have mental illnesses and that he's overreacting (stupid ass grand father). it made grayson feel like he wasn't good enough.

after avery almost died during the bombing, he considered offing himself bc he didn't think he was worth it. he let one of the people he cares most about almost die, and the guilt was nearly too much for him.

grayson used to feel like he shouldn't be struggling the way he is bc of all of the opportunities and money he has. he felt like his feelings weren't valid, and that others had it worse. he tought he had no reason to feel as crappy as he did and that made him hate himself/think there was smth wrong with him. it only made him feel more depressed.

sometimes, he'd go on the rooftop of the house to get some air, see the height and the deadly fall, and consider jumping off. he used to think everyone was better off without him and that he'd be doing everyone a favor by offing himself.

in my first sad grayson post, i said that he owns a teddy bear nash gave him. he'll never admit it, but when he feels really anxious and like his world is crumbling down, he cuddles with it. it's one of the only things that actually helps him calm down. it also helps when he has a panic attack, he grabs it and holds it against his chest to relax (it also helps him sleep). the only one who knows about all of this is nash.

his anxiety tends to get worse during the winter cause he can't swim in the outdoor pool. its one of his most effective coping mechanisms. swimming in their indoor pool isn't the same according to him.

he used to hate christmas bc people would get him gifts he didn't think he deserved. he loved the gifts he'd receive but thought that people shouldn't be spending their money on him and that others were more worthy.

he used to see a therapist on and off for a while (in secret) when he was younger but would always end up stopping after his grandfather found out and told him he was wasting the therapist's time. he finally starts seeing a therapist consistently in his mid-20s (so after tgg and stuff).

[crepes-suzette-373]

Ichiji can "fear" (or panic)?

A while back I said that something feels funny that Ichiji was visibly sweating when Sanji freed the Vinsmokes from the candy.

Another thing that caught my attention is that Ichiji's face was heavily shaded in that scene, and it's a scene didn't seem to warrant heavy shading for lighting effect.

So, I checked through the artwork for comparison. Here's my artwork related hyperthink.

I'm noticing that when characters are in panic/in distress/experiencing turbulent emotions, sensei draws them with cross hatching on their face. Sure, sometimes the hatching is just "lighting effect", but when there's no intense lighting that warranted that kind of shadow hatching, the hatching means strong emotional reaction.

There's also dark shading for intimidation/horror effect, but based on context that's not what this is either.

Usually the "distress shading" is on the eyes, but sometimes there's more shading on the other parts of the face too. Below are examples of that on characters when in distress, panicking, nervous, or tense:

Well, Ichiji's eyes can't be seen, so my guess here is that sensei chose to cross hatch a large portion of his face (maybe to make sure you can see it?). In these instances, he's the only one whose face has that kind of intense shading when nobody else does, so it's not because of "lighting".

Also, I want to point out again, in the left picture, it wasn't just one or two drops. It was drawn in a way that implies he was sweating very profusely (the drops were dripping off his face). That seems rather intense, if it's not meant to be anything.

Example of comparison:

The only other ones with "stressed out faces" in that scene are Sanji, Bege, and Judge, so Ichiji's oddly shaded face is not lighting. Those three people I specified are feeling emotional pressure/tension in that scene.

(Also, might there be a significance in choosing to also screentone-shade Yonji there? We know that Yonji is rather openly emotional, so this might be something to scrutinise as well)

And if you apply that reading to other scenes it feels appropriate. For example, this part here:

The distress lines being drawn there probably meant that he was also concerned, but he's gritting himself to not linger and stay on track.

He may say "leave her for being weak", but I think that's not what he meant. He's prioritising "the mission" (covering for Caesar and Bege, so the Straw Hat crew especially Sanji can escape) over their individual safety.

Even if it had been himself who was knocked down, I can bet that he'd say the same thing. Stop getting distracted, get going with the mission.

Once Caesar made it out safely with Bege, you can see him also having sweat droplets and sighing in relief.

In the scene when he commands the ship to go, my read of it is that he's feeling the tension of knowing they're going to fight a tough enemy:

He's probably not sure they'll come out of it unscathed, and he's concerned for their safety, but still determined to step in to help. Just like how he's making that same face when saying to leave Reiju and keep going.

The "proof" is that Niji and Yonji don't really do this. Yonji sort of made that face after he did Winch Danton, and he and Niji somewhat do it too when Big Mum screams. Both are contexts of "physical strain" stress, from pain and exerting energy.

Otherwise, they don't have that distressed shaded face even when clearly showing concern:

In that third picture, you can even see that Reiju has the "distressed hatching" on her forehead, in comparison to Niji and Yonji who both don't at all (in the second picture).

Ichiji was making those faces when not under any physical strain, and was actually not making that stress face when Big Mum screams (even though Reiju has that same distress hatching on her forehead then).

My tentative guess is that, while Ichiji might not have empathy/sympathy like Reiju or Sanji do, what he might have is the ability to feel "fear". Maybe adjacent feelings too, like panic or very intense worry that's beyond just concern (Niji and Yonji can still be "concerned" too, as shown above), as well as "relief" in response when the fear is alleviated.

It somewhat fits with what I had dissected in the "thug Ichiji" analysis. He seems angry despite what looks like a smile on his face (I argue it's a sneer, and not a smile like Niji and Yonji were doing). Sometimes, people lash out in anger when they are scared.

Edit: Just wanted to add, to be clear. Yonji has been given the "shaded face", but I meant that it's rather clearly the intimidation one, when he was telling the Straw Hat crew he doesn't want to help Luffy. And I said in the context, Ichiji's shaded face don't seem to suggest intimidation.

The only possible counter I could think of for Ichiji is that "Oh, it's not fear/other emotions, he's just really angry the whole time".

[sethisgay]

Can you do one with Eminem where you guys meet at a party and they end up kissing also can it take place in the 90s?

Eminem x male reader

Smut!!

A/n: wrote this when i was drunk, this is a mess sorry!

Note: now two things! One English is not my first language, so keep that in mind!! Two I know I will guarantee get hate for this, if you are triggered by mlm please leave so I don’t need to deal with the mental stress I’ll get from it!!! I know his name is Marshall but I’m to lazy so he’ll be referred to as em. They’re 21! I know this doesn’t make chronic sense but idc.

For: anon and @starzox

Warnings: Eminem’s first gay kiss. Takes place in the 90’s. Mentions of homophobia. Smut. Oral (r!receiving) No kinks.

Summary: in request ~

Requestlist - Masterlist

Read at own risk - I can’t cut lol

————

A new feeling

Eminem’s pov:

I had know for a while that I that i had accepted that i was gay, it really had taken a toll on my life. My sexuality was something I’ve always struggled with, but I guess my mom always had known and always told me to never confess my love unless I asked for permission. Back then that felt normal, but now I think back at that time and laugh at my self for thinking it was normal.

My best friend and crush had invited me to his birthday party, per usual. He came out to me when we were 15, back then most ‘friends’ of his bullied him for it. Not me though. Friends stay loyal to each other, can trust each other. They don’t go behind their back’s, gossip about each other.

The party was on a Friday. When I got the invite I hadn’t had Thursday I had, everything that could go wrong went wrong. I slept through my alarm clock, so I woke up at 2 P/m. I missed the bus two times. And I stepped in dog shit

Y/n pov:

The first person to arrive at my party was Em, my best friend and biggest crush. After awhile the party started. Everyone was having fun, Em seemed to be having fun and I was having fun.

At one moment i felt that i had a boner, it wasn’t caused by anything. It was that type of boner. I looked around and saw Em look down at then away with mouth open. It was a non-noticeable-very-noticeable boner. Also i had a 11 inch cock.

I obviously was confused but also excited, so I signed at him to follow me, it was really busy so nobody noticed anyway. Before the party I had told everyone to stay down stairs, luckily everyone listened because when we reached upstairs it was empty.

“So, I saw you checking me out.” I said with a surprise tone to Em.

“I know and I’m sorry I should’ve told you, but I’ve had this crush on you.” He frantically said trying not to panic.

“Hey, chill. The feeling is mutual, we could take this to my room i you get what i mean.” I open the door and we walked in. I locked the door behind us. He took off all his clothes only leaving on his underwear. So I did the same. He also had a boner, looked to be around 7 inches.

I pushed him on the bed and started to make out with him. He caved in and moaned, he was surprised but continued.

“Fuck i need you so bad.” He moaned. He took off his underwear wear.

I took a moment to look at his rock hard cock. God was it beautiful.

“Can I?” I ask for concent.

“Of course birthday boy, consider it your birthday present.” He smirked while I didn’t take a second to wrap my hand around his acing cock. I jerked it off for a few minutes, hearing Em moan, groan and moan out daddy a few times.

I stopped my movements at the right time and sat next to him,I didn’t even need to say anything and Em was on his knees in front of me taking my boxers off. He looked with a drooling mouth at my acing cock, he grabbed it with one hand. He took a deep breath, he was visibly nervous.

He started licking it, with very small licks. I groaned, saying fuck under my breath. He heard that and took it as a sign and started teasing my head, until finally sucking it. “Fuck, just like that baby.” I moaned, grabbing his head and taking over control.

Moments later I heard him moaning through the bobbing sounds. I started to get more rough with my movements, looking down on him getting red. I also saw him jerking himself off.

“Nrrrghh” I hear him as he cums, making a mess on the floor. “Fuckkk I’mmm coming!” I shout as ropes of my cum shoot down his throat, painting them white.

————

End.

[mrsmiagreer]

Let me take care of you

Warnings: None! Fluff :)

Characters: David Shaw × Gn!Angel

————————————————————————-

David had about 3 hours before he had to leave for work. Another late gig. He was doing some yard work while he was waiting for Angel to get off of work for the evening. He got a little distracted after a while, thinking of all the things they’ve done and all of the conversations they’ve had in this here yard. He thought about how he’s noticed they’ve been acting a little different lately. Work has been very hectic for them recently, and he could tell that the all nighters and mountains of paperwork were taking a toll on them. They’ve barely seen eachother lately and Angel seemed low on energy most of the time that they DID see eachother. He figured that he’d make them feel better before he had to head out today.

He waited at the door for Angel when he heard their car make the “lock” noise. He usually hated waiting at the door for them because they always made it a point to tell him that it’s dog behavior. He let out a dry chuckle and rolled his eyes at the thought. Today was different though, David knew when to put his pride aside.

“Hi Angel. How was work today?” David asked about as soon as the door opened.

“Oh hey Davey,” Angel yawned in response, which let David know all he needed to “Work was…work I guess. Were you…. waiting for me at the door?”

“Actually I was. I know how tired you’ve been recently and I wanted to help you relax a little”

Their eyes immediately lit up at the sound of his words. “Are you being..unapologetically romantic?! I mean, I don’t mind but it is a bit out of character..”

“Is it so weird that I want to relieve my fiancé of visible stress?” David sighed before gently taking their bag from them and picking them up bridal style. “Just come here and let me take care of you, you snot”

“Oh— Yes sir~”

Angel responded with a giggle. They smiled at the mention of fiancé. They liked the sound of that, and honestly couldn’t believe that it was real. They cuddled up to him on their way upstairs, silently gushing about how much they loved him, and how thoughtful this was. He was.

David laid them down in the bed and he laid with them, making sure to keep an eye on the time so he can make it on time. He played in Angel’s hair until they drifted off to sleep, wishing there was more he could do with the time he had. He mentally promised to make it up to them on their next day off.

In the quiet of his mate’s soft snores, he pictured how he would make them a nice dinner, run them both a warm bubble bath, give them a massage, he wished he could give them literally everything.

He nodded to himself to solidify that plan before checking the time, realizing that it’s time to go. He kissed Angel’s forehead and gently rolled out of the bed. He got ready and stood in their shared bedroom doorframe, doing his checklist and making sure he had everything. David took one more good look at Angel, deciding to go over to kiss them one more time before he left for the night.

“I love you, Angel. I promise i’ll give you a better night soon”

————————————————————————-

A/N: Hey guys! This is 1/5 of my drafted drabbles! Not really used to writing for the big guy but I Hope you enjoyed David 🫶🏽🥰

[eoinmcgonigal]

So I saw a post about tumblr wanting to try this 'communities' thing, and I just gotta vent/say my piece. (the tl;dr is 'fuck that shit')

1. I really hate the current trend of fracturing and fragmenting things down into little pieces so they can be categorised into boxes. That's not natural. (Also, discord pushing threads, which I already detest for 1) making me feel like I'm gonna hurl from the violently dissonant, ugly layout, 2) the severely narrow topic problem, and 3) how neurodiverse-hostile they are.)

Like, naturally conversations meander. If you're only allowed to discuss one topic, it's gonna be stifling. You WILL run out of things to say. Making another little box isn't going to fix it, it'll just add to the clutter

2. Quite importantly, honestly, just stop fucking changing shit. It's unnecessary

3. It's not going to be neurodiverse-friendly. As if fandom hasn't changed enough to become increasingly unfriendly to people who are just here to enjoy their hyperfixation and/or special interest. I don't need another thing to learn to navigate. I don't need another place with different rules to carefully traverse. Yes, I'm fandom old and salty. I'm AuDHD and a spoonie with about half a spoon to spend on a good day. I do not have the energy to do all this switching about and jumping from thing to thing. It's exhausting. I want everything where I can find it, and where I can be passionate without having to perform tasks like it's some customer service job, or job interview

4. FOMO shit is toxic. This whole 'be a part of the thing!' necessity if you want to 'engage' or see the conversations and 'content'. Why? I guess it's a social media model that drives engagement, but the stress of it is going to fuck people up. What if you don't have the time, energy, health, spoons, social skills, etc? I have no idea how much interacting will be expected with other people in the 'community' but I can see it becoming a twitter-like circlejerk, and if you're not one of the 'in' crowd doing your required interaction/reblogging/commenting then you might as well not exist to that fandom/group

5. From the description, it looks like these things will be ripe for drama, toxicity, clique shit, becoming echo chambers, etc. because 'semi public' means you gotta opt in/join in some way and whatever's said isn't visible to any old user

Like, who is going to create and mod these things? Who decides what the rules are? What if your fave is 'problematic', or your kink is 'gross' (if nsfw is allowed at all), your take doesn't fit with fanon, or you are just a bit weird and people shun or turn on you for that?

I hope I'm wrong and either these things never happen or they're not as bad as I fear, but fuck sakes I have the above worries because it's shit I've seen happen time and time again, and I don't want to see given a place here

Also, genuinely, what the fuck is tumblr going to be like if you can't/don't want interact with these community things?

Quickly, 6. it creates an 'us' (in crowd) vs. 'them' (not part of our gang)

And then 7. who is going to be dominant in these 'communities'?

Yes, I'm upset right now, because tumblr was just fine (well, fine enough) until this point. I mean:

We have the ability to make sideblogs! (My Star Wars sideblog from... well a decade ago oops... is still out there, I don't touch it any more but I left it up for people to go through). Tumblr even made it so we can reply with sideblogs, which was a very neat update.

Tags!! I don't think it's as usual these days for people to go through tags to find new content, but that's how I do it, how I've always done it, and how I always intend to do it. I'm not following everyone who makes an SAS:RH post. I love you guys, but no. My dash would cause me to have a panic attack. It's already too much for me most days.

EFFORT!!!! I can be here every day full-time doing Stuff if I want! Or I can zone out for weeks if I want/need, materialise and contribute a silly meme, then drift off into the sunset again. If I 'miss' anything, I can go back through the tags, or scroll someone's blog. But honestly, who notices/cares on here if someone lurks or goes afk for a bit. It's super low pressure, because I'm doing what I can/want when I can/want

I want to opt in/out on my own time and terms. The thought of having to be part of a 'community' so I can see/not miss Content TM is freaking me out. I don't want there to be an 'appropriate' time window to interact with things like there is on other social media sites.

So, idk how the shit will look, but I don't agree with making things harder for people to access/find. I won't be posting stuff 'semi-privately'.

And you know what's super upsetting? The thought that I won't be able to see conversations and creations for things I love, because they're hidden away behind some complex new social thing I can't navigate. (Which is already an off-putting, ostracising problem on discord.) That's not how fandom communities should be.

The thought of there being less stuff 'out there' because it's in some 'community' somewhere... really not the direction I'd ever hope this site wold go in

I'm fuckin exhausted. Just lemme do my fandom whateverness without having to perform to some arbritary social interaction standard/requirements that I neither understand nor can do

[goddesstrolls]

Crossing the River

((Collab with @nihils-trolls))

“Quilis,” Arctus addressed the purpleblood, at some point during her first night back at the shop. It had been two weeks since the shop’s strange incident- And by this point he was confident it would not be repeated. “Are you comfortable here, after what happened?”

The query was oddly direct for Arctus’ usual manner, concern glinting in his dark grey eyes.

Quilis, meanwhile, pauses and looks up from what she was doing.

“... What do you mean by that, exactly?” She blinks, tilting her head very slightly.

“I imagine the incident was stressful.” Arctus continues, patiently. “I wanted to confirm, that you did not feel nervous or worried that it might happen again.”

“I’m not even sure what ‘incident’ you’re referring to,” Quilis says, shrugging. She’s clearly a bit confused by the sudden question. “So… no? Not really.”

Arctus blinked, taking on an air of confusion, and then tilted his head slightly as he gauged if he perhaps overstepped. “The shop nearly crushed us both. I had thought… Mm. Pardon me.” Arctus took a step back, as though to exit the conversation.

There’s a subtle but distinct change in Quil’s expression, as if something clicked. Her usual easygoing attitude seems to fade. “.. Wait, the shop did what?”

“It was acting unusually, and closed us in a shrinking space which nearly crushed us.” Arctus paused, tilting his head again to peer at her from under the brim of his hat. “...You don’t recall?”

Quilis’s brow furrows. She looks away for a long moment, putting a hand to her chin in thought. “... Not… really- well, now that you bring it back up, it’s jogging… something. Otherwise, no. I guess I completely forgot.”

Arctus stared at her for several moments, with deepening confusion and concern. Having just checked everything in the shop twice over- he was sure there was nothing that might affect the memory. “...That is an unusual thing to forget.” He said finally.

“You’re right,” Quil starts, bringing her attention back to Arctus. “Especially since I sort of pride myself on having a good memory. Apparently it’s not that great if I keep forgetting pretty memorable things like that.”

“Was there something else you forgot?” Arctus asked, concern now fully alight in his gaze now.

Quilis nods, but hesitates for a brief second before continuing. “A friend of mine brought something to my attention not that long ago. I thought maybe the cause was just this-”

She pulls a small chain and pendant out of her pocket and holds it in her palm. Any good mage would be able to discern it as a protection charm of sorts- a strong one. 

“-but it’s only made to block harmful mental effects. Which wouldn’t apply here, to what you described.”

Arctus reached out to ghost his fingers over the pendant, reading the enchantments on it with a discerning eye. He gave a thoughtful hum, brow somewhat furrowed.

“Do you recall the fearmonger?” He asked, lowering his hand.

“The what?” Quil replies.

“...There was a fearmonger in your hive, that I disposed of. But you were under its influence for some weeks. That was a quarter-sweep ago, now.” Arctus’ voice now had an edge of deep concern, eking into mild panic.

“I…” Quilis trails off on that single word. She frowns and glances away again, seeming to put something together finally. “... No, I don’t think I remember anything important happening back that far.”

Arctus narrowed his eyes, his visible concern receding back under his usual, neutral demeanor. It showed only in the frown tugging at the corner of his mouth, and the furrow of his brow. 

“Take some time off, if you feel it is needed.” Arctus turned his gaze away, towards the shop. “I will search here to see if there is anything that may be influencing this. Do not hesitate to ask, if there is anything you need, Quilis. You know that I am skilled with treating arcane maladies.”

Quil takes a moment to respond- her words a bit slow. “... I think… that there’s some investigating I have to do. So I may do just that.” She looks back up, smiling a bit weakly. “I’ll be sure to ask if anything comes up. I appreciate the offer.”

Arctus dipped his head, getting the sense she likely would not come to him for help. He backed off again, this time to actually exit the conversation- disappearing the moment her focus left him, if she did not try to get his attention again.

[pantherlover]

An Artificial Night Re-Read: Part 4

Hello again! Here's part 4.

Chapter Twelve:

Man, Quentin really threw himself into the deep end re: quests, didn't he? The last book he was only supposed to tag along to figure out what was going on with January, and then just refused to leave when people started dying; this one he snuck into Toby's car and made the Luidaeg let him tag along. (Also, *how* did that meeting go?) Toby might've honed Quentin's bullheaded heroic tendencies, but they're definitely all his.

Spike is the *best* sidekick; I hope he gets the best fertilizer after this.

Chapter Thirteen:

This book has made me more interested in Amandine than I've ever been before, if only because I'm very curious now about a) the specifics of the prophecy about Amandine's line and b) when she started hiding that she was a Firstborn. Acacia says that Amandine was 'very... visible, once. Before her choices were made.' I'm guessing that this doesn't refer to Amandine becoming a Faerie Bride after August disappeared, because Acacia didn't know that Amandine had had a second daughter. Could this possibly refer to refusing to stop Blind Michael's Ride?

@figmentera mentioned that the 'road' Blind Michael (in chpater 11) said Amandine set aside was referring more to the prophecy about her bloodline than a literal road, which feels more and more likely the more she gets brought up. Which makes me a little curious about when the last Ride happened; I assume that it would've had to have happened while August wasn't in the picture, because then the prophecy wouldn't have depended on Amandine filling it.

Chapter Fourteen:

I'm not sure why Toby's so mad about Quentin sneaking into her car to follow her to the Luidaeg's; that absolutely sounds like something teenage Toby would've done. (On second thought, that might be why she's so mad!)

Quentin's a great squire; even when he's confused by what Toby's doing, he'll back her up when she needs it.

Oh, Jessica's so *happy* to see Toby in this book; I'm so sad that she died still being scared of Toby.

Chapter Fifteen:

'Spike trailed us to the edge of the trees before stopping, clearly intending to stay where it was most needed.' Seriously, Spike is the BEST sidekick.

'[Quentin] was Daoine Sidhe, and the smell of mortal blood was strong enough to be almost choking. He should have smelled it before I did. So why didn't he?' More hints that Toby wasn't what she thought she was!

Reading about Katie's partial transformation reminds me that Seanan McGuire can be SUPER terrifying.

Chapter Sixteen:

'Five of the older kids were busy lashing bundles of sticks together as they finished Helen's litter, and there were sentries posted in the trees, almost invisible through the leaves until you walked under them.' Raj did SUCH a good job organizing the kids. I hope Tybalt makes sure that Raj knows how well he did.

''...I almost envied [Helen]. Whether we lived or died, the pressure wasn't on her. She was taking care of the children and leaving the heroics to Raj - and to me. Lucky us.' Honestly I think this is pretty unfair of Toby? Calming that many kids down in such a stressful situation is HARD, especially when she must've also been freaking out, and Raj definitely wouldn't have been able to rally the kids if the youngest ones were panicking. Helen was doing more than enough to make sure everyone made it out.

'[Karen] gestured frantically, and i realized with dim horror that I could see through her. In my experience, see-through people are usually dead.' I have two questions about this. 1) Toby mentioned in Be the Serpent that the older Karen got, the more time she would spend sleeping. Does this mean she can project herself so people can see her when they're awake? Or will she only be able to visit people while they're sleeping? 2) Can the fae be ghosts/spirits, or is Toby referring to her mortal side re: see-through people?

'The Luidaeg was on the other side, white-eyed and frantic, with ashes in her hair.' WHAT was going on on the Luidaeg's side???

I'm not gonna lie, Toby pushing the kids through the door felt very '101 Dalmatians' to me.

I bet all of these kids hear that the Luidaeg is supposed to be a terrifying monster and just. Refuse to believe it. Nope, that's the nice lady that let us cry all over her kitchen floor, she's not scary!

'"You need to get these brats out of here. I can't stand kids."' This is somehow the truth (because the Luidaeg can't lie) and the biggest lie we've ever heard her say.

I *love* that Danny's voice message already has info about Barghest rescue.

That's it for this part! I'm going to try to get these out a little faster (guueeeessss who just realized she only has 10 days until the next book comes out!) but we'll see how it goes. See you next time!

[adelaidedrubman]

2, 11, 27, 29, and 46 for johnjessie?

THANK YOU VERBS these were very fun to do for the normcore couple!!

2. Who wakes up early/Who sleeps in late? 

john wakes up earliest, consistently. unless it’s a day jessie plans to go fishing, then — just kidding john wakes up first then too, but it’s from jessie’s 4 AM alarm, as she proceeds to sleep through it and the next ten that follow it, and any effort of his to wake her. 

11. How do they feel about nicknames/pet names? If they like them, what pet names do they use? If they hate them, why do they feel that way? 

john called jessie “little red” exactly once before about-facing and radioing her the same day “OMG just kidding you’re actually the biggest, strongest person in the entire world haha wouldn’t it be funny if you crushed me with your giant muscles 🥺” and never really attempting a pet name again from that point. also driven by the setting in of his obsessive focus on simply learning her first name at all, and while what he does finally learn is technically a nickname he is also so dedicated to flaunting it as the world’s best prize to himself that he doesn’t bother to dress it up with any additional sweet talk. just jessie. that’s so incredible. (i guess spoilery and of note is that he will continue to call her “jessie” even after he learns her full name, because he knows she prefers it. something something symbolism). the most he ever does is tack on the occasional “jessie, dear” or “my jessie.”

jestiny throws out a stray “baby” or few in the heat of the moment, which is of course so taunting and belittling and not at all meant to make him feel like her most special baby boy. don’t get it twisted he would be so dumb to think that. other than that, it’s just “john” or “that fucking guy”

27. How do they say “I love you” non-verbally? 

managing to be comfortably non-verbal at all is an unprecedented miracle and massive “i love you” in and of itself with them. 

but also jessie will pause the rough handling to just look at him and give stray, unusually tender and doting touches — forehead kisses, tracing his freckles with her fingers, etc. john tends to full body cling, absentmindedly tangle fingers in her hair, touch her dimples when they’re visible. also mutual just constantly reaching for each other and finding ways to be in each other’s space. and these wild sons of guns do be holding hands. 

29. Describe their nighttime routine. 

fall asleep in THE DIRT. john snores so loud jessie thinks he’s a sleep paralysis demon for a sec then goes back to sleep. yeah they do this every night why not 

(real nighttime routine varies a bit by exact living circumstances, but usually consistents of jessie busying herself with something well into the night, john pestering her to come to bed already. then finally initiating sex in an effort to get her to the bedroom, never actually ends up in the bedroom because she is So Spiteful and Will Not Be Manipulated and he is too dumb and horny to have any follow through on his own plan. they go to bed anyways after but she has to Prove A Point first. yeah they do this every night) 

46. Do they consider their relationship casual or serious? Is the answer different depending on who you ask? Why?

they are both super fun super casual people known for being chill, laid-back, and having measured emotional reactions and attachments. which for her part jessie is actually deluded enough to believe about herself, she swears anything between them was a momentary lapse in judgment that means nothing. they just did Hand Stuff (she has not gone ten minutes without thinking about him) it was basically Church Camp Shit (she is actively hallucinating him as a coping mechanism to make her other hallucinations less stressful). 

john for his part is less in denial about that piece, while he occasionally downplays or obfuscates the motivations behind his obsession he has never once denied that she is the world’s specialest most importantest girl. “his world [had] been shaken to its foundations, cleaved in twain and hollowed out and rebuilt from its core to be filled with her” - guy who got jerked off and learned a woman’s first name. he thinks they’re pretty serious, yeah. 

[v-anrouge]

exposing myself on the internet for a character assignment go brrrrr

also: *sweats in aroace*

Okay so I possess a distinct lack of hobbies because ✨ mental illness ✨ and also I am a total hikkineet. I do however, have less active hobbies like drawing, painting, reading/writing. I do enjoy rewatching Musicals from my childhood whenever I’m feeling down or generally empty. Some faves would be “The Sound Of Music”, “Mary Poppins” and “Anastasia”. Ya boi likes singing along with em even though I am terrible at it hehe ❤️

God okay. My personality. Uhh. I have a lot of feelings (and cry a lot) and I am extremely affection starved so show me positive attention and compliment me and I am fucking worshipping the ground you walk on so.. affectionate? I guess. Also Kind of quiet. I’m in my head a lot, and I have anxiety about voicing my opinion and thoughts to people. Especially irl. I’ll usually just remain silent or provide a few comments but otherwise mainly a listener. But if it’s a special interest and I can see that you are actively listening to me instead of waiting for me to stop talking I’ll turn into a walking Encyclopedia about Said thing. I do love physical affection but only when I am in the mood for it lol.

Giving love language is acts of service and gift giving (flashbacks to the time I offered to buy you something even though we barely knew each other). Receiving love language is words of affirmation probably idk i have 3 irl Friends outside of Family so my experience on the matter is limited.

Also people who are audibly/visibly angry will set off my fight/flight/freeze response and I will physically distance myself from them due to discomfort/fear. I’d also definitely go non-verbal as a result. This would be a time where touching me could result in a panic attack/me just crying lmao

Okay bare with me here because I have never actively considered my type so I’m only really thinking about it now

Type wise, perhaps someone kind but firm, I’d say? I lack a lot of motivation, self-discipline and self-respect, so a partner who is gentle, accomodating and understanding of my situation but isn’t afraid to call bullshit when they see it would definitely be preferable. Also direct communication because I CANNOT read between the lines. And.. someone who would go places with me. Not even for like the cute coupley things like Dates and Shopping or whatever (though that would be great too) but literally as a Support Person for stressful situations like dentists, doctors and other such appointments. Lord knows I need it because I stutter so badly when talking to strangers irl and stare straight at the ground and go silent when I inevitably become embarrassed at my lack of social skills💀 I don’t really have a strong preference for any hobbies a partner might have, but it would be cool to watch musicals together. And dress up and stuff. Maybe even cosplay. Idk just Indulging in each others hobbies would be fun. Also I struggle with like, mobile(?) communication and find it difficult to take the initiative to start text convos or call people, so they’d need to take the lead on that otherwise I may accidentally end up ghosting them. Not maliciously, but as I said, ya boy is stuck in his own little world a lot.

Also my favourite colour is green! HEX Code : #9AEEC8 (this probably wasn’t necessary but teehee)

And if a partner can’t handle spice I will constantly give them shit for it but in an affectionate way ❤️

(THIS WAS SO LONG IM SO SORRY IDK HOW TO SHUT UP WHEN PPL GIVE ME ATTENTION 😭)

THIS IS PERFECT ACTUALLY U GAVE A LOT OF DETAILS VERY IMPORTANT DETAILS AND THAT MAKES RHE JOB WAY EASIER!!

I match you with...

ROOK HUNT let me start this off by saying that this can be taken in both a platonic or romantic way and that in either way u and rook are like made for eachother im serious like u two are fucking inseparable, rook absolutely adores everything about you, you two have A LOT in common and he LIVES for it, rook and you can constantly be found almost sobbing over eachother and how much you mean to eachother, you two are so close people consider u both goals (couple or friendship it's up to u). rook is absolutely sure you two are soulmates he has never felt so connected to someone like he feels connected to you

rook loves spending time with you he adores talking to you even if to other ppl it might seem like he's being ignored rook knows he isn't he knows that you are listening intently to him and he loves it, most people hate it when he starts talking to them since he talks A LOT but you? you don't mind it! you stay there and listen to him ramble and sometimes even join him! rook always feel so warm when he manages to make you feel safe enough to ramble and infodump him and he'll be very happy if you allow him to do the same in exchange you two have a lot of interests in common and love talking about them to ppl that actually care so this normally ends w u both talking for hours non-stop and not even noticing as time goes by (not u two talking about vil for 5 hours straight)

rook absolutely adores your works, wether it's a drawing, a painting or a piece u wrote he'll love to see it, he could spend hours talking about your works seriously it became one of his special interests his ur number 1 fan now he'll always hype you up and even do some of them with you (like painting and reading together etc)

rook swears he can feel his heart exploding in his heart when u give him a gift this man won't stop smiling as he goes on and on about how much he absolutely adores you and how much he loves the gift and how he's so honored and happy to receive something like that and there's literal tears on his eyes as he does so, rook feels so happy when you offer to help him too, it means he gets more time to spend with you! and rook loves spending time with you<3

if you like words of affirmation than rook is the man for you, this man constantly writes poems about you and the special connection you two share and even though he has written multiple of them somehow they never ever look the same it's always so fresh as if it was his first time writing something like that, it also never fails to make you smile rook is very observant so he'll def know what makes you smile and he WILL be making a LOT of use of his privileged knowledge

rook knows how you get when someone is mad and being loud about it so whenever rook feels an situation escalating he'll immediately take you away from it and make sure you're okay, if rook ever happens to arrive to late he'll do his best to help you calm down, rook is super patient and even if you go non-verbal rook somehow still always know what to say and what to do, if you like company in times like these rook will not leave your side, he'll constantly be making sure you're feeling alright and comfortable and paying attention to your body language if you can't speak

rook will always encourage you to try new things at the same time he'll immediately take you out of any situations that make you extremely uncomfortable, for rook it isn't easy to trust people, however he trusts you, and he wants you to trust him back so he wants to be there for you, to show you he will always be by your side to support you and he wishes that you feel the same towards him

if you want to talk to someone or ask for anything but you're too nervous because they're a stranger rook will offer himself to do it for you, he has no problems doing that for you, rook would never shame anyone for not having good social skills because rook himself used to be very shy as a kid and he understands how hard it can be to talk to strangers

rook LOVES to watch and re-watch musicals with you! it's one of his favorite things to do, rook feels so happy when he's watching a musical you two like by your side he truly wishes that moments like these lasted forever, because there is no place rook would rather be than by your side

other possibilities: vil ( u two are like made for eachother seriously as i read ur info i was like omfg it makes sense why you love vil so much) lilia, cater & malleus

[blorbologist]

15 questions/15 people

Got tagged by @lumiereandcogsworth <33 ty! just the distraction I needed!

1. are you named after anyone? Yes, twice over! The Maggie part of my name comes from my mother’s grandmother, Margaret. There’s also a second part to my name I get from my father’s mother. (Fun fact, my brother’s got a name that’s been used for... I think four-five generations at this point KNTRKRTN The name I know my dad by is technically a middle name of his!)

2. when was the last time you cried? Oooofff... hmm. I think watching The end of Campaign 1 [TLOVM people do not click]. Especially the twins bit was my last really big cry. I teared up for TLOVM s2 eps 3 and 4 a lil, but that was just. full gross sobs. 

3. do you have kids? Nope! Cats don’t count. I am responsible for 40 corn snakes though :D

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? Oh, yes. 

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people? Hmmmmm I’m... not sure? Generally any big identifying features that aren’t eyes. So hair color, tats, silhouette. And even then I suck at identifying people, whoops.

6. what’s your eye color? Blue! They lean towards blue-grey most of the time, but as is the nature of Eyebols they can vary depending on lighting. Not very saturated blues usually, though - leaning slate, darker blue and even soft greenish sometimes. Another fun fact: neither of my parents have blue eyes, so I’m a fun lil recessive trait lucky shot in this way. 

7. scary movie or happy endings? Happy endings! I’m a huge coward and cannot watch scary stuff. 

8. any special talents? UHHHH writing a super massive longfic has got to count? I can draw decently good, and animate a lil if I have the time for it. wtf qualifies as a special talent uhhhh I know so much shit about dinosaurs you wouldn’t believe it? I apparently have a knack for experimental design, but we’ll see how that develops. I can belch very loud semi-on-command??!?

9. where were you born? Québec! [gonna add the accent on mobile it feels Sinful not having it there]. 

10. what are your hobbies? Writing, poking at worldbuilding/AUs and meta, drawing rarely, D&D [my lil lv1 D&D1E Cleric might die next session :D], listening to podcasts while I code data.

11. do you have any pets? Yes! Two young cats (Miss Thing and Pam, short for A Mistake or Something and Dopamine respectively) and Crumble, my beardie <33 getting on in years a lil ;;

12. what sports do you play/have you played? not much of a sport person - as a kid I was always the one coming in last on every athletics test. Thankfully my peers usually treated me like a charming class pet instead of bullying me for it, but over two decades in and doctors still haven’t figured out what the fuck is wrong so all physical activity is. eurg.

13. how tall are you? 5′4″!

14. favorite subject in school? take a wild guess - science. Though I only got biology classes in CEGEP, given the pure and applied sciences stream meant taking chem and physics instead :C Drama ended up being a surprising favorite, too, I initially thought I was gonna hate it. Art class was mildly stressful needing to adhere to the deadlines and follow the instructions, but drama? Drama was a fucking blast

15. dream job? sighs wistfully,,,, an academic research position... with tenure... a nice lil lab all my own... easy NSERC grants to fund my research... likely working with birds or reptile cognition. ATM I’m still figuring out exactly what I want my specialty, my niche, to be, but in the moment I’m very interested in how visible phenotype [color and pattern] interacts with the neurobiology of an animal and thus its behavior. Really wanna keep looking at species whose cognition is really overlooked, or has been in the field for a long time. I’d love to work with crocodilians or varanids sometime, or chickens!

tagging: @fatal-blow @mothmoron @cryptidfuckery @rightpastnowhere @katia-dreamer @essayofthoughts @burr-ell @romeoandjulietyouwish @ghostofwhitestone @waltwhitmansbeard @percivalium @angry-velociraptor @ anyone else who wants to be tagged because im Sleeby and going to bed and dont wanna keep looking for people to tag - nini! <3

[redxxstrings]

I feel like some of these encompass questions I’ve asked before but— can I please request all of the questions for the Actual Love of my Life aka Mr Ichigo Kurosawa? 👉👈

hehe of course you can uwu

🙊 what would my muse say their biggest flaw is

he’d say that it’s how monotone and unexpressive he is. even if it’s not something that particularly bothers him (usually), nor is it something he can actually change, he still perceives it as a flaw.

⧱  what really is my muse’s biggest flaw

ichigo has a problem with needing to feel useful to other people, which leads to him refusing help and instead offering it to other people. he never has a problem with helping others, but it’s something that can — and eventually will — lead to him spreading himself too thin and burning out.

🤳 name three physical imperfections my muse has

1. his teeth are slightly crooked — not enough that it warrants fixing or that can even really be seen; just a couple are a little misaligned. 2. he’s got a small bump on the bridge of his nose from getting it broken before. you’d only know it’s there if you actually felt it. 3. there are small, faint scars on his knuckles. most have faded over time, but a few are still there.

🙈 what’s my muse’s biggest blind spot

ichigo is PAINFULLY oblivious to how hot he is. like, he looks in the mirror and thinks he’s just Some Guy. he doesn’t understand what people find so attractive about him. it’s genuinely so baffling.

🍰 what’s my muse’s guilty pleasure?

MEMES. you would not be able to guess just by how he looks and acts, but ichigo is OBSESSED with memes. he has whole folders of them in his phone. any obscure ass reaction image or meme you could possibly describe, he more than likely knows what you’re talking about and has readily on hand. his particular favorite type are the really absurd / incomprehensible ones. i think Markiplier E would kill him (positive).

😰 when my muse is stressed, how do they act out?

 he goes to sleep.

his initial reaction to stress is to remove himself from the situation by going to sleep and dealing with it once he wakes up. he’s not really the type to avoid things like that, so he usually tries to rectify them as quickly as possible. when he is stressed, though, he’ll get visibly more tense, his responses will get even shorter than usual (if he even gives any at all), and he’ll generally keep to himself a lot more.

💚 what does my muse get envious over?

ichigo isn’t the type of person who gets jealous over... anything, really. even as a kid, he always thought it was a pointless feeling — why bother getting upset over something that you can’t change? despite his life not being the most glamorous one (pre-joining the band), he was content with it. he never cared about having fancy toys or video games or a big house or nice clothes like all the other kids in his class.

though, sometimes, he would’ve liked to have a dad.

🚫 what is one thing my muse wouldn’t want someone else to know about them?

i don’t think he’d want anyone to know that, sometimes, deep down, he wishes that he had a more normal life growing up. not that he resents his childhood or wants to change anything about it — he wouldn’t change a single thing about it for the entire world — but sometimes he just... wonders. sometimes, when he sees other people happy with both of their parents, not struggling to make ends meet, he thinks that he would’ve liked to experience that, if only once.

🛌 my muse’s biggest nightmare

being told that all of his fears about his mother being better off without him are true. not many things really plague him, but that does — it has for a long time; since he was a lot younger. he’s always done his best to write it off as something irrational and that there’s no way that’s true, but every now and then, he worries that it actually might be.

✍️ does my muse have a learning disability?

nope. none that he’s aware of.

🎒 what was my muse’s worst subject in school?

most of them lmao. he’s not very good at academic things, nor does he really care about them — he didn’t as a kid / teenager and he sure doesn’t know. his worst was probably math, followed closely by science. he could never wrap his brain around either of them.

🙅‍♂️ what does my muse feel insecure about?

ichigo also isn’t the type to get insecure over anything, either, whether it be his appearance, his hobbies / interests, the way he grew up, etc. however, every now and then — and usually only on the rare occasion he finds himself compared to the other guys — he gets insecure about how monotone and unexpressive he is. it’s one of the few moments where he wishes that he could change it easily.

👾 what was my muse’s childhood bogeyman?

for the longest time as a kid, he was terrified of someone coming in and swooping up his mom and taking her away from him because some kid asked one (1) time about the concept of having a step-dad. he’s more okay with the idea now, but he’d still be really hard on any man that tried to get with her lmao

🙉 what are two things that make my muse uncomfortable in conversation

1. things that take a lot of thinking to understand. he’s not the most book-smart person, nor does he really ever have the energy to think too hard about things he left at school for a reason, so anything that’s complex (in a technical sense, like theories, math equations, etc.) make him uncomfortable.

2. the subject of his parents, but specifically “what if” scenarios involving them still being together; hypotheticals about him not being born; deep questions about whether or not he’d ever actually want to meet his dad. things like that.

[jonathankatwhatever]

It’s 24 July 2024, which is lovely to look at, days and years identified over months, centuries, and millennia. What is a grid square? I saw the answer in a Metaphoric Bundle a few days ago. I’ve been trying to focus on it since, but I’m having trouble with that process: everything cuts off quickly, and that invokes the spreading of a K form appearing on the szK, so the corners of each grid square form. This layers grid squares over each other, with the simplest example being the Bip layer in which we take a grid and connect the Bips to make another grid. In easier words, it’s a grid offset so the corners of one are at the center of the other. This does not have to happen in ‘flat’ projection: an example is gsPyramids, which generates the Bip pole or axis through a grid square.

As you can see, when magnified, this generates permutations which reach End to End over that fD-like form. We usually use fD in Triangular, so I’m not sure what to call one drawn over a gsPyramid. It’s Triangular over gs, and that has the two implications - pardon my excitement - that Triangular draws on the outside of the gs or on the inside. That is perhaps unclear because it came in a flash. Triangular draws over gs refers to the operation of Triangular within a Thing field. When Triangular draws within a gs, then it fits the field to the Thing as the inside of the containment (used because it references so many ideas, like JvN universes). That enables the inside perspective, meaning the Thing’s perspective. As in, imagine a gnat flying around your exposed ankles. That models to this same image because it’s a pairing of a large object with a triviality which demands some degree of attention, like a star and a planet.

I just saw a disaster flick in which Jupiter explodes, killing all life on Earth. The thread went: Sun feels planet tug, rotation of Jupiter seen in rings, the stresses enable bleeding from within, visible as a red spot, and then it became sci-fi with either Jupiter being blown up or going through the whole ‘observations of Jupiter show …’ movie. All in a few seconds.

Triangular inside gs. It constructs in gsPyramidal space. Has to because otherwise it is in 0Space with the irrationals. What does that look like? It’s the series of gsPyramids and thus of that fD form, with HG form appearing as the fD reflects or rotates to that ideal. You can see what Coordinate Rotation is now, which is exciting. It’s the 1Space relation of the contextual relationships which meet at an End, and this enables us to, for example, look at a figure skater as see a jump which we can count and score as a whole while examining in extreme slow-motion each aspect and each perfect or imperfect movement and reaction as the jump actually occurred. At larger scale, you can map wars based on whose army goes where in what time, with each movement along the way existing both as part of the whole and as its own moment.

That finally grounds CR properly. It needed gsPyramids.

I’m seeing an End with 1 or 2 gsPyrimids that shift around, and you’d think they’d collide but they don’t because they can overlap within a Thing. I guess that means this maps a Thing as a gsPyramid moving infinitely fast so the face of the pyramid draws a sphere. Or a sphere of sorts because each spot is actually a gs but they get tiny or very large, disappearing in either direction into a point. Large is a point in the sense of the point at infinity; it’s the implied point when you go big. That’s a very nice statement.

This largely translates the MB. Came as a complete surprise to me.

I spent a big portion of yesterday reading about infidelity. It took a while to realize I’d already heard all these story elements in my head. That meant a finite threading potential. I saw some were voices or decision pathways generated by bad wiring, meaning responses to abuse or to inheritance of either traits or combinations of traits. An interesting one was a guy broke up with his relatively long-term girlfriend when he learned that she was going slow with him, because she saw him as relationship material, while having sex with another guy. There are female equivalents. These are interesting because it’s a counting issue, a version of 1 and 0, meaning he counted the relationship as being 1 when she was counting it as 0 or she was counting it as -1 to 0 or the like. Not sure how to reconcile that: each projects into the constructed space negative to positive so each counts to the relationship ‘pole’ and he was there in this example but she wasn’t.

The sense of betrayal in that story is interesting. In trust terms, it’s about readability and togetherness: if one perceives them as being on the same page while the other does not, then in most cases it doesn’t matter, like a gnat whose bite itches but goes away, while others are more fundamental to the relationship, meaning trust in not only fidelity but in the ability to see that in the other. That’s where - sorry, the cat keeps knocking the screen over - we see Triangular over and inside gs. You can see this across dimensions: yes or no choices like kids, where you live, family involvements, work, friends, inappropriate behaviors, addictions, etc. Each is a bundle of permutations and can be seen as a sheaf, referring to topology and abstract algebra attaching these contextual processes, which invokes fCM decision-making.

It’s been very difficult for me to work through this material. I hate having thoughts of betrayal in me, and they’re very difficult to analyze because they pull at non-verbal permutations, meaning they invoke intense imagery. This suddenly reminds me of a fundamental lesson in my existence here: the realization that the great flashing light in my head about my left hand was meant to attract attention, not to deflect it. I remember the moment: I was standing in a converted garage playing pool and it was cold enough that when I picked up the balls I could feel a difference between my hands in a new light, one which said ‘the only difference is that it feels different’, meaning drop the negative associations of damaged, weak, dependent. Looking at my betrayal fears has been a similar process, though I can’t know the outcome because I am a Thing.

At least I have been able to formalize the ideas better. Example is those who think they can. This comes from not understanding how Actualities Register, that you can’t escape or hide who you are and what you do because each you is a Thing, and you are described in the Registry. Not quite the same idea as written in the Book of Life idea, but similar.

This also reaches judgment, a topic that has also been in my mind lately. The old idea is that judgement is algorithmic, that it’s imposed on each Thing. That is correct. But that’s 1Space. Stories about judgement are Triangular inside, meaning they occur within that universe. This is true for individuals and for groups and for all.

How do you stand the pressure of that? Must be terrifying. It has been to me. The feeling that a lapse has such consequences. And I don’t exactly face a lot of temptation, especially since I intentionally wall myself off from it as it becomes visible. Except for injuring myself doing too much, and I may be improving on that, given I have now lifted for over 2 weeks every day with only good effects. I’m actually being careful and I’m paying no attention to what others do.

I think I’ve been stalling to avoid saying what I keep hearing in my head, that while individuals and some groups ‘go to heaven’, it’s a contextual heaven, a D4-3 heaven. That means it’s destructible, which is why in one portion of the Mission Storyline, we are here: to see if a connection can be made from the larger field, from the Triangular over gs which includes this universe (and the set of universes within). If that connection is positive, then that heaven becomes connected over the Boundary so the D4-3 construction Attaches to the larger universe which contains it.

This point or step or whatever you call it is, I’m almost sorry to say, a direct reflection of the way the Boundary reflects at Things what the Things see in the Boundary. In eternal concepts, people see versions of God which justify all sorts of terrible horrible acts and thoughts, and they think that’s holy because they see themselves reflected.

I need to stop for a while. Need to move around.

[hayiesli]

A story of Kevin Hayes Li

If living means striving for the best for the future, is it true that Kevin Hayes has been dead for so long? Shadows of his past still clung to him whether he was around coffee, tea, or even books that he had read again and again. Even if he did everything he could to distract himself by doing random work all over the place, everything would still be visible. Time and again.

Even when Seraphina made it to the college’s beauty pageant. The magnificence of the floodlights and the camera flash constantly focusing on Seraphina have a glimpse into his past. About how his big birthday bash at Marina Sands Bay piqued the public’s interest. Thousands upon thousands of commentaries and debates merge into one, but that was what he enjoyed—the life that Kevin Hayes Li once enjoyed.

“You don’t look happy?”

A quiet voice interrupted his echo. There were a lot of blooms in her hands. Her eyes sparkled more brightly than the crown on top of her head could ever hope to match.

“What you mean? I’m happy.”

“Work?”

“Not a bit.”

“The past?”

“Your beauty allows me to forget everything.”

“Buaya!”

Not at all, Sera. He was telling the truth. All of his anger and pain from the past vanished the moment he met you. You have the power to brighten the day even more than the bouquet of flowers you in your hands. You are everything he wishes to keep for his forever.

Kevin assisted Seraphina with her belongings, loaded them into the car, and drove her home. Yes, it wasn’t his car. His monthly salary was barely enough to cover his family’s basic needs. Instead of buying a car, he preferred to set aside the money to have quality time with Seraphina. Sometimes it’s books he’s been meaning to get his hands on.

Seraphina was babbling away because she was the oldest participant and found it hard enough to talk to the younger. When others got close to liking the same idol, she got to talk with all of them because they wanted to know what it was like to be her age. In particular, they wanted to know if the quarter-life crisis had also struck a lady with million privileges who had made good use of them.

“And your answer?”

“Of course, yes. Many of the things I actually feel stress me out more than my doubts. I question every step I take, my past. I’m not sure what kind of project I’m working on. Not even sure what kind of relationship is bonding..” she was silent for a moment, “..me.”

The car was only filled with songs that were deliberately turned on to break the silence. Seraphina, who is always bubbling around Kevin, suddenly regrets what she said to the lad she thought was just focused in the street. There was no reaction from him, and it was another guess that didn’t go wrong.

They were enveloped in total silence until they reached Seraphina’s house. The house isn’t so big yet there’s people who are very warm to each other. Kevin Hayes could never be able to feel it again. The warmth. Completeness.

All belonged to a lady who was busy hauling her own luggage out of the trunk, as if a man nearby would not assist her in any way.

He immediately offered assistance by lifting her suitcase. Didn’t forget the few bouquets she snatched at the sight. She’s moping. Kevin was well aware of this. He also knew that what she was saying wasn’t just meant to be heard, but also responded to. It’s just that he couldn’t think of anything to say when he realised they were in different worlds. Seraphina lived in a warm, crowded world, whereas Kevin lived in a lonely, cold one. He believed that what connected their worlds was simply impossibleness.

There was no wave or goodbye like she usually gave Kevin. Seraphina grabbed the car keys and walked away from him, oblivious to the fact that he was still standing in front of her fence.

“See you tomorrow, my love.”

Seraphina then turned to Kevin with widened eyes, a mixture of surprise and curiosity evident in her expression. Kevin, with both hands in his trouser pockets, only smiled, which also made Seraphina smile slightly.

“See you, love.”