#i just personally dont see him as a man bc like. he is a ball? he is metal

[madame-mongoose]

If ur lesbien how do you have a crush on Wheatley, a man?

he is not a man he is a robot hope this helps <3

[gayelderstourney]

OLD MAN YAOI BRACKET ROUND 1

Propaganda:

Bob Zanotto/Helmut Fullbear:

THEY LITERALLY MADE MR CRY THE FIRST TIME I PLAYED THE GAME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND THEY FINALLY GET TO BE HAPPY TOGETHER. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO ME.

they are married in canon and are epic and amazing. they had sad canon events where bob thought helmut was dead for like 30 years or something but helmut WASN'T dead his brain was still alive and they are reunited in the game first by way of stealing an evil dictator's body and then later on they put helmut's brain in a ball as a temporary fix while they go out to find his body which has been frozen in ice. the game forces you to walk through bob's memory of saying his vows at their wedding ceremony and it's seriously some of the most romantic and heartwarming shit i've ever heard, especially "just when i thought i was turning to seed, you made me bloom again" like my god. i love them

they're gay and old as hell!!!! there's a level dedicated to their wedding!!!

Helmut is voiced by Jack Black and is currently a brain in a ball, and Bob knows him so well that the mental image of him in his drunken mind says things Bob KNOWS the real Helmut would never say. Also Helmut is temporarily in the body of a guy voiced by Elijah Wood-

Craig Cuttlefish/DJ Octavio:

well you see they used to be friends but were on opposite sides of the great turf war. cuttlefish gets a 14 year old to go stop octavios army. also they argue in splatoon 3 which is just part of the 100+ year divorce arc BUT AT THE FINAL BOSS IN THE JAPANESE VERSION THEY SHARE THE ICONIC LINE THAT CUES THE CALAMARI INKANTATION AND IN THE ENGLISH CUTTLEFISH TELLS OCTAVIO TO "HIT IT" AND START THE MUSIC AND MUSIC IS SO IMPORTANT TO THE SPLATOON UNIVERSE YAAAAA ik its grasping but its lovers to enemies

Literally I have seen so many people call this old man yaoi.

Old men divorce!!!

They're old men who made their divorce the problem of every young person in their lives <3. 100 years ago during the Great Turf War between inklings and octarians, Craig and Octavio were the chosen ambassadors of their respective species. They got along well, but unfortunately found themselves on opposite sides of the war. During one of the battles Craig shot Octavio in the heart. The inlkings won the war and the octarians were forced underground. For years afterward both men grew bitter towards each other, and eventually Octavio attacked the new Squidbeak Splatoon (a group of secret agents recruited by Craig). Octavio lost both times and got imprisoned in a giant snow globe (and Craig calls him cute). In the latest game Octavio got over his hatred for Inklings (Craig's species) and used his flying mech to help defeat the BBEG of the game. After the final fight, Craig said something to the effect of 'that old rascal turned out to be not so bad!'.

Alright ok hear me out! These two old men have fought in wars for their races against each other and have the craziest pathetic old man homoerotic tension ever. They like, went from at least respecting each other before the war and then they were forced to fight each other and then when Cuttlefish's side won, Octavio went underground like a pathetic lil wet cat and later on he kidnapped Cuttlefish because of game related reasons and both of them still have way too much homoerotic tension!!! And then Octavio gets owned and then in the second game Octavio decides that "Hey actually, lets kidnap Cuttlefish's granddaughter" and the old man isnt even there cause hes busy being a pathetic old man in the under-underground!!! And in the third game they go fron rival/enemies to reluctantly working together to save the world from actual extinction bc some durry bitch wants to cover it in fuzzy ooze and like, both of them have so much old man ship potential and just- theyre still pining for each other even after over a 100 years man,,,,

I personally headcanon Cap'n Cuttlefish as homophobic, but I see the ship a lot and think it's funny.

They’re both at least like 125 probably a bit older, they are so divorced, like peak lovers to enemies back to lovers, Cap’n Cuttlefish calls Octavio cute in Splatoon one immediately after you rescue him from Octavio kidnapping him? So dysfunctional, so gay, so old

They fought in the Great Turf War which was said to be over 100 years ago, Capn Cuttlefish was, well, a captain I believe (he had some sort of rank even if he wasn't a captain, like he led a battle that's singled out in the sunken scrolls of the first game). they act so divorced in the singleplayer mode like they cannot stop insulting each other specifically but octavio always comes back and like kidnaps or insults captain cuttlefish it's so. and when the great zapfish gets stolen in splatoon 3 captain cuttlefish is like "it's the octarians again i know it" like divorced behavior. also it wasn't this time and octavio gets super weird about it. maybe you should stop using children as props in your drama though.

my favorite war crime divorcees <3

They basically are friends to enemies to lovers. Both of them fought in a war that hurt DJ Octavio so bad he can’t become an inkling.

friends -> enemies -> lovers. what more is there to say

they are soooo divorced

they were so gay their breakup ended a war

Craig Cuttlefish got sucked dry by a bear

they got divorced but then they got remarried . they fuckinf hate eachother but they also make out sloppy style and i do not know how that works because neither of them have mouths in their swim form which they are both permanently stuck in. love wins but also loses at the same time with these fucking losers

they are sooo divorced omg. istg they were dating when they were younger and then war n shit happened and now theyre bitter exes who probably still make out sometimes. Makes it so much funnier that theyre old ass men (both over 100!) and Cuttlefish has grandkids

They were on opposite sides of a war and still fell in love

[aroseformyself]

who would fuck you during your period !¡

⚠️warning: mentions of blood, cramps/menstrual pain, periods (afab! reader), nsfw, not in order

. L E O N A K I N G S C H O L A Я !¡

this is one of the rare times he will make love to you gently. you are in pain and being rough will only make it worse if you aren’t feeling pleasure. leona personally lets you choose if you just want to take it slow all the way, or not even that. he would let you cockwarm him while he rubs your stomach if you desire. and if you don’t want it slow and you want to take it quicker he’ll comply without you having to tell him twice. he isn’t going to be a dick and just say “does that mean we can’t fuck???” he’s trying his best. the blood makes him a little nauseous since it’s blood and thats bad, but then again it’s sweet…

he may slip up and get the wrong kind of pads/tampons or snacks, but he doesn’t know anything about this so cut him some slack. once he’s back with all the sanitary items he’ll let you do your thing. and after is when he’ll ask you if you want to make love. he said “he looked it up and it can help the pain if you fuck” so he wanted to ask you if you want to try. if you say no its a no, but if you say yes… it’ll be slow and sensual (surprisingly) and he will try to put you sleep with a fluffy blanket if that’s what you feel like.

9/10 -1 point for bringing lays instead of doritos :(

. T R E Y C L O V E Я !¡

would fuck you like usual. brings you to the kitchen at midnight when he knows riddle is asleep, masages your stomach while giving you a pastry. one of your favorites. he gently rubs his thumb on your stomach, and it feels good because his body is very warm and his hands are rough from baking- (I SWEAR I DONT HAVE A HAND FETISH). you end up falling asleep on the couch, curled up with a fluffy blanket. trey flips up your shirt (its his) which was a little too big for you. and moves your panties aside seeing a little red on your pussy. isn’t exactly scared of blood, but he doesn’t like it so he puts protection on so lesson the amount on his dick. he’ll bare through it for you.

when you wake up you feel warm, a little too warm down there, you open your eyes and see trey, in all his glory. softly kissing your stomach. “gonna breed ya nice n good…” you can only help but moan.

8/10 -2 bc he didn think of gettin u pads just of breeding you-

. Я O O K H U N T !¡

rook fucks you slow and sensually, letting you hang on to him if a cramp comes on and rubs your back while rolling his hips into you. lets you lay on him and watch tv if you desire. he into everything so whatever you want to do he’s up for, rook isn’t bothered by the blood at all. remember he is a hunter so he has dealt with it much more than most students. and since he has better smell than the average human he can smell it as well. period blood is a special kind to him since it smells so sweet and addictive. he doesn’t worry to much about blood getting on him. isn’t entirely opposed to eating you out, in fact he’ll do it with delight. rook is an odd ball and a freak so it is no surprise when he asks you if you would want that.

if you say yes, you’ll be shaking and sensitive because he refused to stop after one orgasm and the blood wasn’t that bad either, is was actually rather sweet! after getting you cleaned up (n fingering u in the bath) he lets you lay down while he goes out to get you pads, snacks, and a stray kitten he found on the side of the road.

8/10 -2 refused to say where cat is from 🙄

. F L O Y D L E E C H !¡

ultimate freak, scarier than rook, he didn’t even ask if you wanted to get eaten out, he was just like “ayo spread” and you couldn’t refuse. he has no problem with blood and honestly thinks red looks good on you. floyd fucks you how he does all the time, fast and hard with no sign of stopping. floyd either a. eats you out liked a starved man and only stops when your crying out for him to stop, or b. fucks your brains out on his cock. and now he doesn’t even need to prep you, he just goes straight in. if he registers your in pain he will praise you on how good your doing and kiss the bite marks he left. almost as if saying hes sorry.

after, he’s not going to clean you up, he’ll just lay down. now he’s all fucked out he can’t get up~ makes you cockwarm him while cuddling.

5/10 bros acting like u arent bleedin onto the bed💀 also when he squeezed u blood came out

. J A D E L E E C H !¡

jade requests you take it easy and lay down so you don’t hurt yourself or he softly fucks you to tire you out. he will gently hold you against him, and whisper sweet nothing into your ear. places his coat on your shoulders so you will be reminded of him as you sleep. jade is over all just really sweet when it comes to your period, which is such a contrast to him being a sadist with you. helps you with sanitary items and lets you cling to him as you sleep. places his hand/heating pad over your lower stomach if he feels your in pain.

so sweet and gentle and caring and loving with you and he takes days off working in the lounge to assist you

10/10 -0 bc he did nothing wrong

nvm 0/10 he fed u shroom juice

. M A L L E U S D Я A C O N I A !¡

doesn’t care at all, will only care if your in pain. of course he asks for consent, saying that lilia told him it would be pleasurable if you make love. if you say no he won’t pry, just cuddle until you feel better. but if you say yes, oh boy… he won’t let up until you pass out, he won’t go easy on you just because of some period. (also i doubt fae have periods) malleus wouldn’t be repulsed by the blood or anything he is an old fae who has seen a lot, a little blood is not going to effect him. after malleus fucks you into overstimulation he will cuddle with you and clean everything up. he’ll even allow you to wear his clothes for comfort.

when you wake up if your feeling it he will eat you out, he actually likes the taste of your blood. it’s sweet yet metally.

9/10 -1 bc u were sore in the morning

. L I L I A V A N Я O U G E !¡

the vampire himself. he eats you out without a second thought and doesn’t feel the least bit of shame when you say thats gross since your bleeding. a huge tease, lilia definitely strokes your stomach and says, “m’gonna put a little baby in you…” then he goes, “wdym u dont want that? dont u want ur period to stop???” lilia rubs your stomach while muttering about a child into your ear. he has no regard for the blood and acts like everything is normal, when blood gets on the sheet’s he’ll fix it with magic. loves the smell your blood gives off-

lilia 🤝 breeding

7/10 -3 kept sayin u were going to be silvers mom and yolo everytime he came ☹️

[iloveslllycatss]

nagi w/ an s/o who's a lot like him (yes this rq is bc im a lot like nagi what ab it)

## — “𝐋𝐀𝐙𝐘 𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐒”

𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ! 𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘪 𝘹 𝘭𝘢𝘻𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴 ! 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩 𝘪 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 😞 , mb this is short 😞 

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ! 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘦

— ★ seishiro and you are the same exact kind of person

— ★ thats why you guys are so well together !

— ★ like if hes super tired (as always) and your super tired (as always), youll slump your weight on his shoulder and he’ll sleep on your head

— ★ when reos around? yeah he suddenly does NOT want to be there

“reo how come you treat nagi like a princess but not me”

“y/n… i dont have enough BACK STRENGTH to carry both of you”

“you suck balls, reo”

— ★ if you also love games then its a win win bc youll never feel neglected bc of his games or anything— you just have to PLAY WITH HIM

— ★ lets you sleep on his lap when hes gaming

—  ★ cuddles. a LOT of them

— ★ he loves to lay his head on your chest, or when you lay your head on his

— ★ man is GIANT. so you best believe his posture is ass from all that slumping 

— ★ your posture is probably ass too ngl..

— ★ has a bunch of pictures of you sleeping in his camera roll (not in a weird way)

— ★ pouts when he sees u sleeping without him

— ★ if u sleep with a stuffed animal consider that shit gone because when he saw u cuddling it he SAW RED…. mans threw it in the garbage bc he got jealous of it..

—  ★ sigh, in conclusion…. nagi is best boy

@/ilovesillycats

plz don’t copy my work 😞

[annabannnananana]

⚡️ glam freddy x reader hcs! 🎩

wordcount: 682 — gn!reader — tws: none — a/n: reblog if ur a glam fred stan and this man makes u go absolutely feral and climbing up the walls and foaming at the mouth— err…. i mean…... reblog if u think this dudes cool

gentle giant - hes 7.8 ft tall cus i Said So >:)

ok but he is absolutely the sweetest guy u will ever meet. literally. hes so sweet and kind and caring he treats u so well omg he js hhhhhh

he cares ab u sm and when i say he cares he C A R E S, he loves u with all his heart, u literally mean the world 2 him <3

always checking on u and complimenting u, always making sure ur doing good and feeling good and always helping u with every single little thing whether u need his help or not, js bc he loves u and he wants to do every little thing he possibly can to make u happy <333

he does actually tease u a lil bit tho, esp since 2 him ur like rlly tiny (since most ppl are like 5-6 ft tall and freddys almost 8 ft lmao) bc he js finds u so cute when ur annoyed and he js cant help poking a lil fun at u!! :p

he would never ever ever ever ever ever E V E R try to hurt u tho, and if he ever did he would just feel so terrible, he just wouldnt be able 2 live with himself, hes always making sure he isnt crossing any boundaries or making u uncomfy in any way at all and he always needs to be 100% sure ur happy and healthy and comfy and content or else he literally just cant live with himself. hes a lil dramatic but he loves u :)

he loves picking u up and carrying you everywhere. he knows u can get around just fine on ur own but he just loves holding you and cuddling you sm he thinks ur the most precious lil angeland he wants to hold u and keep u safe in his arms wherever u go <33333

C U D D L E S. listen to me rn. this man gives the BEST cuddles u have EVER experienced in ur life. no man in the whole world gives better bear hugs and cuddles than freddy. his body is just so warm and soft and strong, and u fit in his arms so comfortably and perfectly, that when he holds u its like being personally transported 2 heaven fr

he loves when u come and cuddle with him after a long day and u just treat him like your own personal stress ball, squeezing him so hard and melting into his arms, it just makes him feel so good and so so so happy that he can make you so happy <33

VERY protective of u, almost in a fatherly way (but he is in no way ur father figure dont take this the wrong way ur not in love with ur father figure i s w e ar —)

u guys have the cutest pet names 4 each other!! ur a precious lil angel 2 him, so he calls u “love/angel/baby/darling” as well as some more personal nicknames like “superstar/star/starlight” :)

goes out of his way, even to the point of missing stage shows, to find u & hang out with u esp if its the only time of day u will get to see each other or if he knows u’ve had a particularly rough day and rlly need someone to hug <3

when hes onstage performing he always winks/waves/smiles right at u, and as soon as hes done he always jumps off the stage, walks right up to u, and gives you the biggest hug and says something along the lines of “so my love, did you enjoy the show?” <3

his love language is acts of service fs, hes always doing lil stuff for you, giving you lil gifts and helping u w lil tasks and just doing everything he can to make sure ur happy and make sure u know he loves u more than anything in the whole world!! (this man is so sweet ong u better treat him right /hj)

[simp4konig]

My personal thing, if you don’t mind me sharing <3, about König, while I know he has the potential to literally kill you without a second thought, I feel like he has a soft spot of children. Parents not so much, but he always spares the children. Now, for the bad behaved children I feel like he would give a scary talking to 👀

Because König feels very strongly about bullying, so if he heard a kid was bullying the other kid? Would come to their immediate rescue and shut the bully down harshly. For him, that’s a mercy, but he promises that if he ever hears word or sees them acting like that again he won’t be as “merciful”. But to the Victims he would console them, but also give them his harsh reality of “you have to be stronger than your enemies” and as much as he wants them to keep their innocence, he doesn’t want them to be weak either. Or worse killed.

But that’s just my little HC 😌

Anon rhis is such a good headcannon???? 🥹🥹 lemme just..,🤏🤌

No i don't mind qt all!!! 😊 If anuthing, im so glad you shqred this with me 🥰💖 bc I felt IMMEDIATELY inspired by this headcannon !!😽✨💖...

... so jere are MY headcannons for YOUR headcannon 🙈🙈⛅🌻💞💕💓✨🌼 Took me a short while to formulate my answer, so srry for the delayed reply 😿 I saw this as soon as you sent me this an i dont want u to tjink i ignored you at all:(</33

König with a soft spot for children headcannons🥺🥺

+ father König drabbles🤭

Word count: ~2022

*If you ignore my VERY angsty depiction of König's childhood, then it's totally pure fluff all around 💖✨🤗

*General headcannons for König

Writinf block is fuckinf AGONY and im in PAIN 😭😭💔💔 give me time to recover and ill powt two fully-fleshed out fanfics sometime soon 🙏🥺

Tag List ♡ @simpforkonig ♡ @abysslovesyou ♡ @puff0o0 ☆ @rustic-guitar-notes ☆ @happy-mushrooms ♡ @reyner-lee

...

König, having been bullied all of his childhood, is FIRMLY against bullying.

To see a little girl/boy being labelled an outcast is oh too familiar to him, and hits far too close to home than it should. Brings back the insecurities, the feeling of being utterly humilated, a permanent reminder of his not fitting in. Literally.

Primary school: bullied for being a beanstalk, for head hitting the door frame, for being abnormally large, a "mutant"; balls hurtled at him in dodgeball, all competing in finding out who can knock out the "freak"; knees kicked from behind and legs buckling from the attack, a stampede of legs stamping on him as he cowered on the floor, helpless, and no one caring to help, teachers observing idly nearby.

Secondary school: nose broken to "fix" his crooked features, his "ugly" face; cast aside in class photos for "ruining the picture"; people of his own age turning their heads in the other way in disgust, avoiding him like the plague.

As if his "ugliness" was contagious, and if anyone was to touch him they'd catch the disease.

Power surpassing his tormentors, yet too powerless to fight back, he endured, yet didn't overcome.

Lasting trauma changed König's own perception of self completely.

It took a long time becoming the cocky and confident commander he presents himself as. To stand up to his full height and embrace himself for who he was and is, to be self-assured, domineering, and boisterous with others irrespective of their rank. The Colonel; a hardened soldier; a strict man of discipline exerting his authority over all, not at all sympathetic towards anyone.

Deep down, he is still that young boy, vulnerable in the center of a circle of so many pointing fingers and sneering faces. All became a collective body of ridiculing smiles, of sing-song laughter, so many that he lost count.

So, personally vowing to NEVER let his future children (or any children) go through the same turmoil, he would intervene whenever he had the chance to.

For instance, perhaps König was speed-walking home one day, dufflebag slung over his shoulder as he rushed to get back to you as soon as possible after being deployed these past weeks, and maybe he was passing by a playground.

Initially focused on the goal at hand, he couldn't help but turn his head, a small smile under his mask as he felt a wave of nostalgia crash over him. Nostalgic of times before he was forced to integrate with callous society.

Smiling at the oblivious children playing together, kicking their chubby little legs on the swings, sliding down a slide and falling, squealing. All giggling with glee, so innocent.

All except one. His eyes would land on a small girl, bawling on the ground, no older than five years old.

Surrounded by three others, all pointing fingers and laughing, the ringleader making fun of the poor thing as his henchmen stomped the remainder of her sandcastle, kicking sand at her. Hands on hip, chest puffed out triumphantly.

Rubbing her puffy eyes, thick pouting lips drooping in an open-mouthed frown, chin quivering as she struggled to contain her broken sobs, she kneeled on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest.

Usually, in these types of situations, people tend to behave in two very different ways when they see something that happened to them happening before their eyes:

"Why should I help them? I went through the same thing, so it's not my problem" or "I should help! They shouldn't have to go through the same thing".

You can probably already guess under which category König falls into.

He was NOT about to actively play a passive role in ignoring the poor blubbering child, to be downright apathetic like the other adults were in their radius. No way.

Still carrying his dufflebag, imagine the horror of the little shitlings*: seeing an imposing giant 2ft+ taller than them, huge body trudging towards their little troupe; cold, icy-blue eyes half-lidded staring into their bulging ones. Glaring.

Little band of clowns would probably actually shitting themselves fr 💀

Not only does König give the brats a stern talking to (all the while they are nodding their heads with jaws on the floor, knees trembling and nearly caving in on themselves), he later makes it his due diligence to track down the parent(s) and scold them too.

"Was wird deinem Gören zu Hause beigebracht? What do you teach your brat? This behaviour is unacceptable. You have set a terrible example, Du verdammter Idiot. How dare you allow this? Bulling is wrong. Scheiße, are you listening to me? Because you should, Dummkopf. You should be ashamed. I am sure ashamed of you. I swear to Gott—"

Cue 1 hours later, he personally grounds them (the child and parents)... 🤐

...And the child goes with it? Even the adults? 😭

I mean, to be honest, I would too, if a 6'10, body-so-broad-that-it-blocked-all-sunlight-and-did-not-fit-in-the-door-frame Colonel, gesticulating wildly, projecting strongly his German-accented voice, cursing in an aggravated amalgamation of furious English and a spiteful spit of German... Yeah, I'd be pissing my pants not even gonna lie 😭

I'd imagine that the parents would be immediately saluting, images of stupidity on their faces, completely dumbfounded to have their parenting challenged and to learn that their "precious little angel(s) that can do no wrong" actually can do wrong. (sorry guys i hate toddlers with a RAGING PASSION... rant over fyi no more of me insulting shitheads🥰)

As for the sweet, weeping girl, he would crouch down to her height, gentle eyes genuine behind his menacing mask. Slowly lifting the fabric, wary of his facial deformities, his scars, he'd do his best to give her a comforting smile, wanting to make her at ease.

She was not put off by his appearance at all. If anything, she maintained eye contact — was curious yes, so with no filter whispered, "You... you have a nice smile, sir. I like your eyes.

"They're—" a loud sniff, wiping her nose with her sleeve "��they're pretty. "

Taken aback, König's eyes widened. Then, in soft whisper:

"Meine Süße, I'm so very sorry about those— those idiots..."

The girl giggled a little, dimples appearing on her tear-stained cheeks.

"And I'm so very sorry, but there will others. Other idiots," he allowed himself to smile, letting out a dry chuckle.

A tentative hand dropping to her round shoulder, squeezing it every so slightly to emphasise his words. "And you have to be strong, Mädchen. You must be strong. This world isn't a good place for angels like you."

Obviously, he didn't sugarcoat the truth. Situations like this would be unavoidable. He would make that clear.

"I do not condone violence, but—" a wink, acknowledging the irony behind his words. "—if you stick your foot out when one of those brats are walking down the corridors, surely nothing will happen, ja?"

Seeing the girl lighten up, smiling brightly, no signs anymore of crying, he ruffled her hair with a toothy grin.

Letting the veil drop down his face, he suddenly fixed his posture and gave an exaggeratedly goofy salute as he turned to head home, satisfied. All the while the girl waved at him energetically, eyes crinkling up in an adolescent's adorable smile.

On another note: I never really gave it much thought before, but... König as a father? 🥺🥺

Your headcannons unlocked a part of my brain that had been locked. 🤭✨ Needed to upgrade my König skill tree before I got to this poin. 🦸🏼‍♀️ Sure has been worth it, though. 🤩

Ever since he was past his teenage years, the thought of a family was something he longed for. Desired.

Maybe it's because he was taught traditional house roles in his European household, or was longing for something that was out of reach, he couldn't tell.

What he was certain about was that it was his biggest wish. His dream.

Deployed in a foreign country, his favourite past-time was fantasizing about his future with a special someone, to have a big family, and to raise his children, giving them everything good he never had, and to shield them from everything bad he had experienced.

Something in being the breadwinner of the house was so masculine to him, and coming home to so many short, out-stretched arms, so excited to be reunited with their papa clinging on to his long legs brought a tear to his eye.

And, once you two officially became a couple, he knew that he wanted to start a family with you at some point. From the moment he met your eyes, intuition assured him that you would be the right one for him.

If you're a [fertile] female, he wants nothing more than to see miniature you and him running around, sweet cherub faces and their chubby cheeks smiling at him, calling him papa, calling you mama.

Seeing your belly swell up with his baby would strangely give him a sense of pride, proud that you would both bring sacred life into the world together, and would practically worship the ground you walk on. He would want to get this right, for everything to be perfect.

He wouldn't allow you to lift a finger despite your protests, catering to your every need, caring for you in any and all ways he could:

Carrying the groceries, 3 carrier bags in each hand, serving you while simultaneously subtly making you swoon, not missing the googly eyes you made at his strength from his peripheral vision;

Doing the bed, making sure to stock up on additional soft pillows and fluffy blankets so you would rest well, removing all stress from your morning routine, and the discomfort of finding a comfortable sleeping position at night;

Insisting you eat balanced meals, preparing nutritious food that had all the nutrients you would need, the sustenance to feed you and develop a healthy baby.

The gore and guts he had witnessed in the battlefield did not compare at all to the sight of blood staining the hospital bed sheet. The look of horror in his eyes as you went into labour, death grip on his hand, knuckles turning white. He'd be hyperventilating, almost feeling the same pain you were going through 😢💔

Not to say that your agony was worth it, but seeing the beautiful blanketed bundle in your arms, you cooing at the little one, made every single horrific moment combined in his life worthwhile.

All the struggles, the hardships, the troubles; all worth it if it meant seeing you with his child.

If you're anything other ([infertile] female, male, non-binary, etc), König would get so emotional when adopting a newborn with you.

He'd be teary-eyed, unable to hide the emotions.

To think that he'd be rescuing a child, giving them a second chance and making it feel so wanted, so loved. To give it all the love he was missing, the feeling forgotten through years of bullying, abuse, and violence, and war.

He would waste no time building the nursery. Painting the walls, building the crib, buying plush blankets, stuffed teddy bears, toys that would be in no way a choking hazard.

His helicopter parent preparations aside, his dream would be to grow old with you, and be surrounded by children, grand-children, and even great-grand-children, sharing stories as the lively atmosphere was bubbling with life, with a family.

Piggy back rides would be a MUST!! 😡 Or, better yet, his infants (taking turns — dunno if three kids at once is very practical 😭) sitting on his shoulders, seeing the world from so high up. Reaching out, and their head in the clouds.

Bouncing them on his knee, like a train conductor going through heavy turbulence, all the while the little ones would be laughing happily, telling him to go faster.

Every single one of his children cuddled up to him; in his lap, over his shoulders, splayed over his legs, clinging to him like a pack of koalas. 🐨

Reading bed time stories, stroking their head, stood in the door way minutes after his children had fallen asleep. Keeping them safe.

A family of his own. To eventually embarrass endearingly, to squish their cheeks, and tickle their sides, play-wrestle and tease by keeping objects out of reach. His extensive research also included horrible dad jokes, which were made hilarious by their poor translations into English.

Wanting to raise his children the way his mother had raised him while she was still around, to give his children the happy childhood he hadn't had, to make school a positive journey into adulthood. He'd teach them to deal with bullies, to stand up for themselves when he never could...

...And, athough he has good intentions, the truth is that with a father like him no snot-nosed brat would ever dare to mess with the Colonel's children ☠️

...

Note: Omg you. csn tell that i got so carried away w/ this😭😭 you know rhat line where König "fantasized" about a family ?yea that was me the entire time wiritng this...💔 God i need to stop daydreamimg excessively ajd return to reality 🥲 ...

...,,jk i wont 🥰💅✨💫 good mental health??😰😰 guurrl we don't know her 💆🏼‍♀️💫✨🧚‍♀️💓

Functioning like a normal human being💔🤮🤮🤮<<<<< Making up vivid scenarios in my head💓💓 😍😍😍

*fyi, shitlings is a loose translation for "gówniaki/gówniarze", an insult you have for children in Polish (similar to the English "shithead"). Do what you will with that new knowledge. The world is your oyster with that one ig 👍

[toorumlk]

Harry/Ginny

AH HINNY!

oh man, i oscillate between really liking hinny one day and feeling completely indifferent towards them the next.

hinny might be the relationship i like the most for harry, and it's all because because of the family aspect. through marriage w ginny, harry officially became a weasley family member. and, of course he always was one, but he actually is a weasley on paper and i think having that in writing would mean a lot to harry. and my golden trio heart can't not mention that by hinny being married - ron and hermione are literally harry's brother and sister (in-law) now and !!!!! that just makes my heart melt (i know those two were always harry's family but bc of the aforementioned reason, etc. you get it)

so right off the bat, when i try to organize my more positive thoughts on hinny, i'm mostly focused on how the relationship best serves harry, and only harry. and this is where my frustrations with the ship begins: it's so hard to think the other way around because ginny's narrative purpose is just to be harry's ideal love interest, instead of being a fully fleshed character. i really love ginny with all her spunk and feistiness, but she's so underutilized. she had a cute crush on him in the start of the series which was adorable, but her character was inarguably just "ron's younger sister". and after she gets possessed by volde/gets saved from the CoS by harry, she still continues to have a puppy-love crush on harry until OoTP!!! GAAHHHH!!! Apparently joanne said hinny were always meant to be soulmates and i think if these two had a consistent "invisible string" motif throughout the series, it would've been so good (and almost as good as romione's slow burn). So...

here's how i'd fix hinny (lmao):

i wouldve made the ginny a much more prominent character in PoA and beyond.

we get to see hinny actually have heart-to-hearts about the incidents of CoS - for ginny to play such an IMPORTANT role in the titular plotline of the second book, then to just have her blend into the background afterwards just boggles my mind - that was the perfect oppurtunity to make ginny an invaluable character in the cast. she has this huge experience in common with harry - being personally victimized by voldemort - that harry doesn't have w ron or hermione at that point and it would've been so nice to see harry find an equal, a confidant in ginny from then on - like, dont let the readers forget that harry and ginny have this huge thing in common, have it be with us in the back of our heads the whole time!

start the hinny romance subplot fr fr in GoF

the potential of ginny being a maybe date for harry to the yule ball, harry feeling jealousy towards neville for getting to dance and spend time w ginny and harry being like "wait a minute! i'm supposed to crush on cho! im jealous of neville??" that wouldve been FUN - again, they couldve been a less insane version of romione hello

having the hinny subplot unravel in tandem with harry's crush and relationship with Cho in ootp

in ootp, you can argue that the story attempts to make a foil between cho and ginny's characters but if that were the case, it could've done a way better job of it

with harry's relationship w cho - harry likes her bc she's cool and pretty but she wants to connect with him through their connection via cedric and his death, which is off the bat a hugely touchy/traumatic topic for both of them and cho couldn't possibly fathom what it's like to be in the presence of voldemort/tom but guess which other character does ehehe...

now we're at hbp and this is where the good stuff starts bc if i'd had it my way, we'd have gotten their friendship in poa and two books of solid romantic build-up up until now

i honestly had a such a fun time with hinny in hbp, ginny in her OWL year being so cool and harry's hugeass crush on her- harry being a hormonal teenager was hilarious to read like its implied that harry is having increasingly inappropriate thoughts about her throughout the novel and theyre just intercut with "BUT RON-" that's some good shit

my one gripe w hbp's hinny is that i wish we actually got to see their dates sneaking around hogwarts, finding the perfect hideaways for makeout sessions, etc etc i know hp wasn't a romance fantasy by any means but imagine how swoony it wouldve been if we got to actually see these sunset dates instead of just being told about them - it wouldve been cathartic to actually see harry actually live the life of a normal teen boy before everything fell apart lol

if we got all these invisible string moments between them throughout the series, harry thinking about ginny and how good it felt to kiss her lips before he walks to his death in DH would've felt so much more earned

from a storytelling perspective, the case with hinny begs the question of if you can have a love interest for the jesus figure of your narrative? can you make a believable, grounded and balanced love story for the chosen one? i honestly think so but then you'd have to put equal amounts of effort and work into creating two nuanced characters and unfortunately we don't see that effort be put in ginny's character and that's why harry's endgame falls short for so many people. earlier, i said that this is the ship i like most for harry, but honestly that isn't saying a lot - i think with an almost saint-like character like harry, its hard to imagine a satisfying love and partnership for this kid. i like tomarry as a ship for when im feeling a bit insane but other than that, my main harry ship is him with a lifetime of peace and healing.

i also want to argue that hinny was never meant to be a primary romance in this story - the main romance/love story in the series is ron and hermione's and i think joanne's romance prowess all went into romione and i'm so thankful for that because i think it makes for better story (also i'm totally biased)

i also cant not mention the freudianess of it all with hinny, right? like god freud would Love hinny bc what do you mean they look identical to jily, what is going on here. that and the fact they had their first kid at 22/23 years old like my god, WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING you should be at the club!!!!! i do dig the failmarriage vibes they were serving in TCC, also.

[yunwangja]

the prophecy: yn's coven

masterlist

extended descriptions

y/n

a multimedia arts major

her reason: i liked pizap as a child

her skills are not the best but she’s tryingg (she SWEARS)

besides that she doesnt know why she chose this major honestly

her life composes of her always doing things alone and being the 3rd wheel

she loves her friends but ofc at the end of the day she’s alone

she can’t hold on to anyone else

and everyone has their own person

but ofc there’s a teeny (extremely) tiny (big) part in her heart feeling lonely abt it

that is how the world works for her

bad at talking to (good looking) boys

never had a proper rs before, her situationships ALWAYS failed

wants to be in love but she thinks she is “weird” to be genuinely liked by someone

but also she has high ass standards

her qualifications are (all good traits) but only if i like them too. if not bffr ur annoying

atp she thinks it’s pathetic that she has not been on a real date with a guy and have little to no romantic experiences

which creates insecurities within her alr existing insecurities

will never actually admit this irl

shes desperate but will never settle for less tho

thinks she’s tough but everybody knows she’s not

she tries to hide her emotions but u can literally see it with her eyes and body language

like girl u aint fooling anyone

a basic bitch honestly

taylor swift, sabrina carpenter and olivia rodrigo girlie

cries over dogs dy1ng in movies

koushi sugawara

the best obviouslayy

always there to take care and handle yn

the only one keeping her going whenever she says “i’m going to grow old and die alone”

also the only person she can confide in with these type of things bc like you just feel the safest with suga

would fight for you (with violence)

vice captain of the vball team

in a rs w sum1 in another uni, they occasionally visit

shoyo hinata

loves newjeans with his life

when u see him around campus with his earphones on, they’re def on

life of the party duh !

have been friends with y/n since high school (ofc he’s the one who approached her)

i dont think this needs any more explanation

would fight for you (without violence)

yachi hitoka

more of a twice girl but stans newjeans with hinata

y/n and her were classmates in a subj for the first sem and bonded over their mutual #struggles in their major, and eventually joined the group yay

a ball of sunshine

but a nightmare if u mess w her and her friends

a nervous wreck so she and y/n really bond well lol

y/n: idk why i chose this major man what was i thinking

yachi: RIGHT like why are they all so good like wait uppp

kei tsukishima

he’s always annoyed obviously

you guys think he’s flirting w someone rn but won’t tell you guys

would rather die than open up about his lovelife

suga can barely manage him, but yn is the only one who can convince him to do things

[yonpote]

re: dnp onscreen "personas" lol. i mean yall know what i mean by that but i feel like explaining it anyway just to be thorough. this is related to what ive been calling The Shift.

2011-2012 was around the time where the barrier between real dnp and the people they played was starting to be fortified. and like, part of it is just, with phils channel once he wanted it to be less video journal-y and more weird experimental short films, he still wanted to entertain people while talking abt his life, so maybe he would stretch a tale a bit or act a bit peppier than he is irl. and with dan, he had concepts literally from the start of what to do with his channel, and how it was inspired by a lot of sketch comedy based channels like communitychannel and [REDACTED]. so its not like it wasnt somewhat personas from the start, but 2012 was when it was cemented, and once they became known for being a duo it was just further self-flanderization. a Phanderization even. like intentionally playing into the ornery guy who makes bad puns and the happy go lucky guy who accidentally says innuendos. real tsukkomi and boke moment.

ok im gonna elaborate on why tatinof was a fanfic now :) this is the PEAK of phanderization, to me it's not a surprise that the cracks in the egg PERSONAS were starting to show bc they were just Fully In Character for like a year or so straight. in tatinof, the serious bitter eye-rolling "ugh dont do a song and dance" guy was dan (The Straight Man) (dont laugh thats just what its called) so of course his counterpart was the silly happy just having fun "i wanna burst into song!" guy was phil (The Fool). but when you watch their making of doc, dan says that HE'S the one who wanted to do the song and dance. if youre an Enthusiast abt dnp, you mightve already known that dan was a huge theater kid and loves the book of mormon n shit. phil likes theater too, but dan LOVES IT like not just watching but Performing. BUT to a regular degular in 2015 just casually watching or a huge fan but hasnt watched every liveshow ever or a phannie who just really believes in the Phanon, this may come as a surprise. phil is the happy silly ball of sunshine right? like ok. these aspects of their personality (dans bitterness and phil's positivity) aren't exactly LIES. but like obviously theyre just humans. this is what Interactive Introverts was TRYING to comment on, but imo i think fell short of its attempt bc in the end they were still trapped in their personas for the sake of Giving The People What They Want

ok i kinda tangented so back to the personas, it's not as if today they are Fully Raw And Real with us on screen, that's just kinda inherently never gonna happen, there will always be shit we don't know about them bc like. it's still a screen. BUT now that they are more real with us, we kinda see the energy of the olden days back, ofc less MegaRandomHyper and more gay millennial waffling. but it's them! cuz they really are so similar to the personas, but there's always an underlying layer of This Is A Bit. when dan's annoyed at phil for something we know he's not genuinely angry ESPECIALLY when we see that phil does it on purpose to rile him up. i think something strange is that, it's not like during 2012-2018 we didnt see stuff like this, dan's always been silly and phil's always been sarcastic, but bc so many people had bought into the Personas of danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil, that ended up being cemented into fic.

ok i wanna ramble on more but maybe ill make a new post lmao

[mrgladstonegander]

MORE BOOTLEG DUCKTALES ‼️team science (oops! all identity issues!) edition

team magic here

archimedes gallas / gyro = more like other versions where he's nice but this man is carrying SOOOO much guilt. insane amounts. his entire character is focused on how much his self-worth is down the drain (also hes being haunted by the narrative (phoebe/della)). also he's half japanese. based off the onagadori

cherry pekin / huey = has a similar problem to archie where she has overwhelming feelings of needing to seem mature, and responsible, where she overworks herself

sydney eggtooth-diazi / fenton = REALLYY wants to seem like a Professional Normal Dude. repressing EVERY urge to wear silly ties. sees morality in a black and white sort of way and it WILL cause problems later. he puts archie on a pedestal and its super obvious and it just makes archie more mentally ill

salem milly / gandra = planning to really lean into how she joined fowl bc they were the only ones that supported her. mainly the contrast with how the Main Family supports each other with unconditional love, the love she has is purely conditional, and she's constantly convincing herself that she Wants to do bad things, and that she doesnt care about these people, because despite how she says she only listens to herself, shes stuck to FOUL, and thats her 'family'. based on mille fleur d'uccle

frankie loon / fethry = IT IS PART OF TEAM SCIENCE‼️ after getting back to mainland after being alone at sea for four years, he joins as a janitor. pulling back the marine biology in the sense that he is interested in EVERYTHING. man of a 10000 copies. winning the idgaf war (DOES care abt how his family is disinterested in his interests but its FINE because HE cares its fine its fine. he's accepted he'll be alone). its presence WILL send everyone else into a shock about their identity. hopefully it'll happen vice versa as well

widget-time-tech / widget / gizmoduck / lil bulb = theyre being consolidated and also theyre lil bug guys now!! i dont care if you hate bugs theyre cute as shit!! widget is Usually in the little ball, but also helps control the suit with sydney. it still has anger issues so it'll make things harder for sydney rather than just silly incompetence. and it was DEFINENTLY made to be a superhero ai. no other purposes. at all. certainly not messing with the fabric of time. just helping the ppl of the town :)

mad clucktor / mad clucktor = iwhile he IS a villain he isn't necessarily a bad person. hes a physical manifestation of the part of archie that WANTS to be alive! that KNOWS his worth! he doesn't have to work himself to death to make up for his guilt!

and he's the reason why toby is even active. why he's back

toby / boyd = cannot be normal abt this sorry

he was made to be archie's idea of the "perfect boy". the perfect kid. what he wants to be what he WISHED he would be growing up. hes happy, he can do everything right, he's intelligent, he's strong. his existence is free of human doubt and anxiety, he's the perfect boy and if he was in archie's place everything would be fine

but it isnt! he gets used! toby's used for evil through no fault of his own. but he becomes a symbol of things that are "wrong" about archie. toby didn't resent anyone or be upset with how people treat him. toby doesnt have his own needs. he can do whatever people need him to do. toby was his symbol of hope but becomes a symbol of how everything with him goes wrong. he becomes an unachievable goal that archie is trying to be to make up for the existence of toby!!

and so the only way for either of them to be "truly human" is when archie learns that he doesn't have to be perfect. he never had to be. even if he's made mistakes, he still deserves to LIVE!! he doesn't have to hide his pain and discomfort for anyone!! and its okay for toby to be toby!

[yohanpalia]

fatness in palia

(its gonna sound like i hate palia bc ppl dont understand the concept of nuance, so just to be clear - i decently like the game so far. things can be both good and bad, and some ppl, like me, enjoy analysing and criticising things without hating on the things.)

it rly bugs me that the only properly fat character so far in Palia is someone whos obsessing about his sandwiches and talking about how he always makes sure to eat properly, and *also*, is someone in a position of power who does bad things (the quest where we grew crops for him is the most clear example ive seen so far). basically - the biggest fat man is a bad person who is obsessed with food.

delaila is big, but also falls into a stereotype - shes a countryside mom (often fat in media), and parent characters are generally easier for mainstream fatphobic media to design as fat bc theyre not intended to be attractive in the same way the younger characters are (or older men, see hodari and ashura). i also want to point out that she reads as having a little more of a curvy body type compared to kenli whos more of a big ball, and that none of the female characters read as having the same type of facial fat or double chin that kenli has (which is indeed why im calling him the only properly fat character). its almost as if that kind of facial/chin fat is considered worse on women than on men or something :)) wink wink.

ashura and sifuu are big, but read as "strong and muscular", not "a fat person". which any fat person will know is a significant difference in how you're perceived. (there is also an aspect here ofc of that irl, masculine-presenting "bulky and strong" ppl are often more positively perceived than feminine "bulky and strong" ppl, and that masculinity being seen as desirable in itself affects why "bulky and strong" is seen as desirable where "just fat" isnt, but this is a sidetrack rn.)

elouisa and caleri are... chubby, i guess? i was happy the first time i met caleri bc she had a visible double chin. but, after a bit of playing, seeing that there werent any fatter characters than this who were supposed to be seen as attractive or even good nice people, that enjoyment weighs little. i also again want to point out that both elouisa and caleri have very "smooth" faces, and mostly "conventionally attractive" features, essentially. they are chubby/curvy, but not in ways that would be considered *too* far off from the fatphobic, ageist, sexist beauty standards of society. they also have basically hourglass bodies.

the characters that we are mainly "supposed" to find attractive in this game - the romanceable ones - range from very skinny to "fit". there is even a romanceable skinny robot, notably not a romanceable fat robot (hekla is round, reads as the fat mom stereotype, and is not romanceable - einar is tall and slender and kinda built like a dorito, and, oh, presents more masculine... even robots arent free from misogynist and fatphobic design). there is also a non-romanceable character that apparently both characters in the game and many players find hot, which is a non-fat man, hodari. i note this bc he's presented as an attractive character, and is not fat.

its nice to see an older(?) female character presented as attractive - tamala, however she is very skinny and with an hourglass type build. this is still... nice, i guess, but in the context of the lack of "attractive characters" that arent really skinny, or muscular, or hourglass shaped.....

another related issue is that a very skinny character, jel.... literally says things like "i havent eaten for 3 days". wow! thats lovely! especially together with kenli obsessing over food! and together with an average size character, jina, also mentioning she forgets to eat. that made me feel gross to read, and i dont think its a good choice to put "lol forgetting to eat, relatable content" in the dialogue of characters who are very skinny. this can be a bad reinforcement of society's abuse ("just starve yourself and you'll be skinny and beautiful!") for people with eating disorders and for ppl who struggle with their weight and with their relation to food in general. but *especially* when the biggest character is, in contrast, talking about how hes obsessing over his sandwiches and whatever (and again - is a bad person and also not supposed to be attractive, while jel and jina are supposed to be attractive and romanceable). this is also obviously a reinforcement of prejudice against fat ppl - that fat ppl eat too much, cant control their eating, are always thinking about food, etc etc, while skinny ppl ~forgot to eat lol~.

all in all, if anyone reads this, i just hope ppl can acknowledge and be aware to the fatphobia that has gone into the design of this game, *just like basically every other game*. im not saying palia is worse than other games, bc frankly, most games are like this, and its gross and weird and i hate that. but its still valid to discuss that problem in the context of one game, without implying that its an issue that only affects that game.

i hope that at the very least, they will eventually add in more body types to the character creator that also represent bigger people, and that potentially, we might see some attractive fat characters as npcs in the future. and no, their faces dont need to be slimmed down compared to their bodies to be attractive! they can have unsmooth faces and double chins and wrinkles and still be attractive! and they can have all that and not be men, and be attractive! and they dont need to have hourglass bodies nor to be muscular and strong to be attractive, either!

[fluffypotatey]

Say what you will about Arthur and his utter lack of game, but always appreciate the fact this man looked at Morgana, duchess of drip, and decided a dagger would be the best gift for her.

And when it was pointed out that it might not be her style, he went "ah shit you right" and just had the fucking thing tricked out. That was his solution. That was his thought process. Not that a knife was inappropriate, but that it needed to be a custom piece. No basic bitches in this household.

Mans said "what shall I get my significant annoyance this year?", shook his braincell like a Magic 8 Ball, and came up with "knife."

We stan one princely himbo.

ngl i like to use this as proof for Arthur and Morgana being so close and knowing each other so well because i have such a soft spot for my pendragon siblings 🤧

(thoughts under the cut bc….*coughs* i suffer from pendragon sibs brainrot)

listen, listen to me: these guys really did only have each other when they were younger and surrounded by nobody but stuffy nobles and an emotionally repressed/abusive father. Arthur lost his mother king before he got to know her, and Morgana lost a father whom she knew and loved so dearly. they were children who never really got to grieve what was lost from them (although, in some way, Morgana was given some time to grieve and mourn but never for too long).

Arthur has known Morgana for her spunk and rebellious nature against the status quo King Uther enforces since they were children. She was always trying to learn to fight (see her bragging about beating Arthur when they were younger in 1x10) and probably taught herself secretly how to use a sword (or had some help as well 👀 but that’s just a headcanon). She was always at odds with Uther about magic (while Arthur would receive severe punishment for disagreeing with his father, Morgana’s anguish was treated like the flights of a lady’s emotions).

It would be offensive (towards Morgana) if Arthur were to ever gift her something so stereotypical and stuffy on her birthday. He most likely knew that she would have wanted something to use to protect herself: ergo, dagger.

Fuckinnnnnnng, read what Arthur says about his gift omfg 🫠

ARTHUR Beautiful, isn't it? Feel the balance, feel the sharpness of the blade.

I AM PUNCHING THE WALLS 🫠🫠🫠🫠

This man put so much thought and care into this gift for her. Listen, she was his first friend, the first person to not treat him like he was fragile or the fault of his mother’s demise. She was Arthur’s sister before he even knew that’s how he saw her and their relationship. Morgana meant so much to him, your honor, I fucking can’t. They loved each other so much despite the gradual rift that he gained when we first meet them in s1, your honOR—

But then you have Merlin’s comment:

MERLIN Well, I'm no expert, but don't women normally go for pretty things? Like, maybe, jewellery?

(yes he said this as a way to deter Arthur from sticking with a dagger bc of the vision he saw but still)

And so Arthur Dumb-of-ass & bi-of-sexual Pendragon takes Merlin’s advice, realizes that yeah, Morgana still likes feminine things like dressed and jewelry and pretty shit. LET ME BEDAZZLE THIS DAGGER JUST FOR HER

LOOK AT IT

THE FUCKING PENDRAGON COLORS YIU CHEEKY FUCK ARTHUR 🤧 AND LOOK AT HER REACTION TO IT

SHE LOOKS ENTRANCED BY IT???? MAYBE TOUCHED (<- fluffy is reaching, she has gone insane) MAYBE EVEN CONSIDERING THAT ARTHUR DOES CARE AND MAYBE SHE COUOD TURN HIM AGAINST UTHER TO JOIN HER???? (<- fluffy.exe is suffering malfunctions. delusion file has been corrupted)

Literally every other noble gifted her a fancy hairbrush (those fucking posers) and you would think! With how much this show presents Arthur as emotionally repressed and very obtuse when it comes to women, you would think they would regress his character (again) to make a joke out of him (again) not knowing what to give Morgana for her birthday

BUT THEY DONT!!!!

NO! THEY SHOW HIM BEING CONFIDENT IN HIS DECISION FOR IT TO BE A DAGGER THEN NERVOUS ABOUT HIS CHOICE BC MAYBE IT’S NOT A GOOD DAGGER THEN PROUD BECAUSE NOW IT IS A BEDAZZLED DAGGER

WHAT THE FU—

Not only that, BUT SHE TAKES THE DAGGER WITH HER WHEN MEETING MORGAUSE (s3’s big bad villain who is the new up-and-coming High Priestess after Nimueh, whom Merlin smited (smote? smitten?) and does not give any fucks about Uther or Arthur. Both could just die for all she cares.)

I would never lie to you. Transcript speaks the truth. Also, what other dagger would they speak about??? It’s Arthur’s gift and she was so touched by it that she decided to use it for her nefarious schemes of regicide!

OH YEAH AND AFTER THIS WHEN SHE’S IN A COMA YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT ARTHUR SAID

ARTHUR To lose her now, like this...I've grown up with her, she's like a sister to me. I'd sacrifice my place on the throne for her to see another sunrise.

*deep breath*

So much shit could have been avoided if these dumbass Pendragons just talked to each other T^T Jfc, Arthur loves those close to him so deeply. He is so loyal to them that it blinds him, that he would willingly give up anything just to keep them alive and happy.

ough, yeah I’m okay (<- liar)

[pink-lightsabre]

c3 105 thoughts dump

when... are we getting new opening titles... please i wanna see more of dorian in the beginning credits...

IMOGEN GIRL WHY ARE YOU NOT INSIGHT CHECKING THIS CONVERSATION. WHY ARE YOU TAKING THIS AT FACE VALUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oooooooooooooh she's gonna broadcast downfall. "it'll harm everyone." while that is true. i dont think yall can hoard that information. personally.

we really didn't do any check about that. wow. that feels ill advised!!!!!!!!

a mass poisoning???????? perhaps a little like molaesmyr?????

it could be a trap! that's true! which is why IMOGEN NEEDED TO DO A CHECK ABOUT IT!!!!!!

do not. try to bargain with fearne's bio dad. please.

oooooooooh what IS ira doing. that's a great question.

"i thought we would have A plan and now it seems like we have A LOT of plans." dorian that's so relatable

man i wish the silken squall was at this meeting. i understand that theyre not bc they're very isolationist but. i want to see dorian interacting with his parents SO bad

the judicators are still so fucking creepy. and the fact that aeor had their own arcane version FUCKS me up.

"it's pretty low... 24." LMAO

i hope someone gave vex advanced warning that dragons were gonna be there. otherwise her favored enemy ranger sense gotta be going BANANAS.

braius flirting with dorian. absolutely hilarious. 12/10 sam i love it.

"i've got my faith in you. and my finger." // "it's a pretty big finger." // "dont underestimate me." ROBBIE

RARY'S TELEPATHIC BOND!!!!!! THE GROUPCHAT!!!!!!

pie dice!!!!!!!! i love that.

oooooooooooooooooooh who is there. WHO IS THERE!!!!!!

fearne being poly is so special to me. i love it.

robbie cosplaying as dorian with the deep necklines of his shirts. is chefs kiss.

braius sticking his nose EVERYWHERE. way to go sam.

HELLO MATTHEW WHAT THE FUCK

DORIAN'S DAD IS THERE?????????????????????????

APPARENTLY I WAS WRONG AND THEY ARE THAT ISOLATIONIST. OH MY MCFUCKING GOD.

i need to run laps around my house. i cant handle this.

oh no cyrus looked like their mom. D;

"i'll shake it off."

DRAGONS!!!!!!!

FIRE ASHARI!!!!!!!!!! robbie gets to know the feeling of a character he voiced being there! i love this for him.

related to that. i cannot w a i t for the robbie daymond c4 permanent cast member announcement.

zone of truth cast by a fucking dragon!!!!!!!! my god that's so cool. but jesus christ what is the DC on that. 20 apparently!

robbie calling himself the rizzler. hate that. LMAO.

it's not bolo. and that is a TRAGEDY. LONG LIVE BOLO.

VOX MACHINA TO THE MALLEUS KEY. LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

people being upset that vm gets to take down the malleus key and m9 gets to take down the weave mind while bh takes down ludinus. understandable i suppose but COULD NOT be me. i love how interconnected c3 is to everything and i love the other heroes getting to take other shit down.

"time is short." // "and so am i."

"ash. just for a few minutes. lock it up." THAT'S RIGHT DORIAN.

ashton i swear to god... do not blow this...

PHEW thank god braius can lie. my god. SPECTACULAR work braius. way to fucking go.

PLUS FOURTEEN!!!!

saint graham... sam what the hell

travis peer pressuring his wife into using her abilities. i fucken love it.

LOVE the contingent from the matron's temple supporting laudna. absolutely wonderful.

i want. the first thing. that dorian's father says to him. to be about dorian wearing gold.

ashton going to talk and EVERYONE going "no no nonononono!!!!!" hugely relatable

okay okay that wasn't bad actually!!!! way to go ash!

magical girl fearne in her titan transformation. amazing.

a bard with performance anxiety! truly i love that so much. robbie ur mind. absolutely genius.

orym can you step up and talk about all dorian has to offer

ROBBIE YOUR MIND. ABSOLUTELY GENIUS.

F I N D G R E A T E R S T E E D

"orym totally blue screens" oh so relatable. a HUGE mood. i've also been that horny.

chetney reminding everyone that he's old... old as balls...

all the speeches were so good. i am. of course. absolutely biased towards dorian's.

OH THESE TITLES F U C K

does chetney have A KID

liam GLARING at matt while he's playing dorian's dad. EXTREMELY relatable.

"word of cyrus's passing has reached us." O U G H E "we wanted to make sure you were properly aware." excuse me whilst i sob on the floor.

oh no. oh no this is not how i thought this was gonna go. oh no i'm gonna cry. dorian "locks up with physical affection" storm. my favorite for a reason.

OH NO SAM WEARING THE FRIDA HOODIE. I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE. frida still doesn't know what happened to fcg....

NOT DORIAN CRYING IN HIS FATHER'S ARMS

aaaaaaaaaaand there's the other shoe dropping! "those willing and capable" because you think dorian ISN'T?

y e a h this is more how i thought this was gonna go. oughe my heart.

there's dorian's anger! oh it is so precious to me.

i'm gonna throw up dude. oh my god. matt and robbie i love you. IS THE ZONE OF TRUTH UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a deeply revealing question!

A CEREMONIAL BLADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"a smile and a look in his eyes you've been chasing your entire life. pride." O U G H E

"you made my favorite toys growing up." HAHA I KNEW IT.

THE C-POPPERS!!!!!!! chetney has a fan club this is so great.

"can i get a painty." m a t t h e w

chet calling imogen his assistant. what a throw back to dorian and imogen at the masque in jrusar.

braius you silver tongued motherfucker.... god that's so good

PIKE!!!!!!!!

THIS IS TRUTHBEARER. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

that's so funny. oh my god.

HOW MUCH HE LOVES DORIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! liam obrien i am kissing you on the mouth

LIAM OBRIEN I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH

dorian and orym having so many conversations AROUND how much they love each other. never actually saying it. or talking to each other about it directly. makes me want to chew concrete.

oh ashton....................... i love u. i really do.

"i think what she said was trustworthy" AGAIN YOU WOULD HAVE A BETTER IDEA IF YOU DID A CHECK ABOUT IT

imogen and keyleth... kiki saying imogen reminds her of a younger her... saying she's gonna need to convince the rest of vm to do this malleus key mission... oh i am sick

matthew.......... why the random d20 roll

oh if we're going back to nana morri does that mean SOMEONE will FINALLY ask orym about his not new anymore magic and how/why/where it came from. or if there's a conversation between orym and nana morri about the state of his deal since fcg died.

chetney you dumbass. that was NEVER gonna happen. HER CALLING HIM A YOUNGIN. amazing.

the BQILF lmao

y'all simply HAVE to be more careful with ashton and the worshippers of the luxon. this is how people get kidnapped and experimented on in underground layers.

oh the tragedy of ashton only getting to be okay and not in pain when he's in the titan form. ugh that makes me so sad.

god i love callowmoore so much!!!

ASHTON BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAREEEEEEEEEEFUL

chetney is so excited about having a fan. i love this for travis so much LMAO.

NOT WHISPERS ABOUT WAYLOND

"he made me a beautiful toy boat! i gave it to a street urchin." LMAO

THANK YOU MARISHA FOR CALLING OUT DEALS MADE WITH NANA MORRI

this is truly so funny. i relate to this man so much.

"this is the room you're gonna die in." // "i'm okay with that."

[winterchimez]

MOOT GAME: " make up a trope for your moots and their biases. doesn’t need to be romantic. can be crackfic/funny. ^ㅇ(๑>◡<๑)ㅇ^ "

hi anon-ie!! yayyyy ok this is so fun imma just *rubs hands* cook up some scenarios 😋 (tagging the ones i talk to on a daily basis!! 💗)

@sungbeam acedemic rivals - theres something about you just being rivals with changmin and it gets on your nerve whenever he outperforms you but then all that bickering slowly turn into romance and thats something i will be watching from afar with my popcorn.

@from-izzy strangers to lovers - you and hyunjae (as much as i wanna mention the other guy but i won't bcs im trying to be nice 🥰) would meet as strangers on your first day of uni orientation, seemingly also ends up as deskmate in class and boom hes the goofy funny guy, always trying to get you involve in activities when you're just shy and reluctant and then the both of you start falling for each other

@daisyvisions best friends to lovers - we all know how much you love this, esp with hyunjae when yall be doing things that are pretty much obvious that's more than just friends 😏 so by the time yall end up together its more of a meh we've already done this before but then it gets awkward cs you're both now labelled as bf/gf

@aimeecarreros / @momhwa-agenda enemies to lovers - bcs of what you told me yesterday....but juyeon who's always teasing and bullying you...but then it's bcs he actually likes you sm but bcs of his ego he refuses to believe nor accept reality...but then it eventually hits him and hes confronted by you with a revenge dress and he goes oh. 😌

@snowflakewhispers mutual pining - realistically you and jacob would be having feelings for each other but then you both have your doubts (even though you don't look like it when you have beef with me everyday 🙄 HOWEVER it'll be cute but then the rest of us at the side will be all frustrated (aka me, daisy, elena) be like HE ALSO LIKES YOU BACK WTF but you're just "IDK MAN I DONT THINK HE WOULD"

@kimsohn unrequited love (but with a happy ending) - sunwoo's been head over heels over you since day one but you're always just ignoring his advnaces be like "this dude is hella weird", this goes on until one day you eventually see the other side of him, he makes you blush and he gets a high and giddy be like "okay confirmed maya likes me now i've won in life"

@justalildumpling rich kid au - ok i know it sounds cliché but hear me out!! na jaemin aka the rich boy from uni and he gets all the girls and naturally you fall for him too cs hell hes a fine-looking man but then maybe one day you are forced to live with him and thats when you see his true colours which makes you go ew, but then bcs of your personality you'll be like "i will change this man" (which you do) and he realises that you're not like the other girls out there

@ethereal-engene coffeshop au - you just give me calm sunshine vibes so!! you and woozi in the coffee shop, woozi as the barista (WHEW WITH A WHITE SHIRT- 😮‍💨) either you both work tgt as coworkers and eventually become a couple, or you would often visit the store not just for the good coffee but also for the good looking barista 👀

@drunkdrazed childhood friends to lovers - you're literally the sweetest human being so it would only be appropriate for this trope!! either with ten / jacob, you would fit so well 🥺 love the way how yall know literally anything abt each other and when yall reach uni / work and thats when you both realised that you're falling for one another instead 🫶

@h0mebody-heaven soulmate au - you're so funny and another ball of energy!! i can't imagine a better soulmate for hendery than you! lmao i can imagine all the chaos, the jokes that you both are gonna pull, probably asks you to film plenty of questionable tiktoks but then you oblige bcs YOLO 🤭

@strayed-quokka established relationship - do i need to say more, husband sangyeon and you're the housewife. you can replay that scenario in your mind.

@sanaxo-o arranged marriage - chanhee the rich son of dior's ceo ✨ but imagined getting pampered by him??? what a life it'll be 😮‍💨

[bazooka-overkill]

MR SANDMAN BRAINROT EUEUUUGGHHH

okay yay brainrot won the poll. also i might psot dragon chan headcanons requested by wallet becuz yaaaaaayyy

uhhh also i dont really gaf about timelines. so if something doesnt line up time wise. ignore it. shh

ermmm cw for child fighting!! mr sandman didnt have the best middle school experience

BAZOOKA'S THOUGHTS:

i need this man so badly PLS MR. SANDMAN ONE CHAAAAANCEEEE

who typed that omg…

GENERAL SANDMAN INFO (canon + headcanon)

full name: isaiah joseph banks

birthday: april 12th

age: 31

height: 6’5” (197 cm)

weight: 284 lbs (129 kg)

origin: philadelphia, PA, USA

gender: cis male

sexuality: bisexual (might be in denial lmao. men say theyre fighting demons and the demons r bisexuality LMFAO)

family:

victoria banks, mother, alive

george banks, father, alive

no siblings

HEAD CANON TIME:

- insomniac. goes between sleeping for 11 hrs during the day and not sleeping at ALL, also explains the eyebags in his TD

- incredibly horrible sleep schedule. stems from his childhood

- also stems from his childhood but not exactly the best at socializing w other people

- somehow is friends w glass joe. don't ask me how it works they just ARE (and they may be a little. fruity.)

- has one of those light up squishy things that u hit to change the color. yeah he either fucking SLAMS that thing or gently pats it when he wants to change it. it’s a bunny for anyone curious

- goes thru the 5 min nap to the 5 hour nap pipeline. “oh im just gonna take a small nap,” then wakes up w the blankets all over the fucking room, the god damn windows r open, he’s somehow upside down, etc etc

- him and the ref have beef after his TD victory animation

- was one of those kids that would be on his knees near some mulch playing w the roly polies on the playground. he'd have like 20 in his palms in 5 minutes

- if u catch him right when he wakes up (like. RIGHT right when he wakes up) he accidentally calls people “baby.” it’s a habit he picked up from his mom and he’s pushed it back into his mind, but it slips when he isn’t exactly thinking (totally not projecting my own habits onto him guys)

- adding to the above that the person who originally found this out was glass joe. take that as you will

- he sends some of his boxing money to his parents to support them (he’s a mamas boy LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE)

- doesn’t exactly search for a relationship, believes that when he decides he’s ready for one the right person will find him

- gets dragged into world circuit outings by either super macho man or aran ryan. on the rare occasion it’ll be soda. one time they all went bowling and sandman watched aran ryan throw a bowling ball like a fucking baseball and it broke the ceiling

- knows how to make a MEAN philly cheese steak. will be mentally freak out (positively) if someone mentions they’ve never had one before. if he wasn’t so stoic he would be jumping up and down and going “YAAAAAYYYYY🎉🎉🎉” becuz he finally gets an excuse to make one for someone

- has 100% almost broken the world circuit ring's ropes (see his intermission animation in contender)

- his locker in the locker rooms is either completely spotless or dented to hell and back. bonus points if theres like. a fake succulent in there or some shit

- luvs animals. takes pics of cool animals he sees anywhere

origin backstory thing under cur bc its long

origin:

isaiah joseph banks, known as his boxing alias mr. sandman, was born on april 12th to victoria banks and george banks in the Doylestown Hospital. born to loving parents, isaiah grew up as an only child.

isaiah learned to keep to himself and care for himself very early on, as both of his parents were usually at work. they worked hard to provide for isaiah and themselves, but always put their son first. they

the time they spent at work would be made up at home, albeit this time could never be fully made up for a young isaiah. he had spent more time with babysitters and nannies than his own parents. of course, isaiah knew his parents loved him, but all the bonds that were supposed to be formed hadn’t; the time frame had passed.

the time they did spend together was… memorable, really. not in a bad way, but every moment— every waking minute— made isaiah into the man he is today.

every night, when his mother was home early enough, she would sing him a soft lullaby. when she wasn’t, his mother had recorded this lullaby onto a tape for him to listen to. this lullaby was the song that made mr. sandman: Mr. Sandman by The Chordettes. it wasn’t a typical children’s lullaby by any means, but by god he loves that song— present tense intended.

then, a problem arose: school. starting middle school is one thing, but isaiah found out how cruel children could be.

isaiah was big, to put it lightly. five foot six at age 12 was enough ground for bullying, and being dropped off by a few different babysitters/nannies in the morning only added to the ammunition.

with how big he was, the bullying never went farther than verbal harassment. soft giggling every time he talked in class, glances from across the classroom, the bullying was subtle except for the occasional direct blow to isaiah.

his boxing interest began when he was thirteen, where his parents enrolled him in a self defense class that revolved around boxing and the sort. they had found out about the bullying from the babysitters, as isaiah had been reporting what they had been saying to him. there, young isaiah learned the basics of boxing: dodging, punching, and jabs had been added to his arsenal.

isaiah had always relished in the safety of knowing that he’d never get attacked at school, but unfortunately this was false.

it was brutal really; the poor boy had been caught in the bathroom and was attacked from behind, slammed his face into the sink, and assaulted from there. it took around two minutes for teachers to hear the commotion, but they were two minutes too late.

there, isaiah was brought to the hospital. no one truly knows the full extent of his injuries, minus his parents. if you look closely at mr. sandman, his top teeth are a little crooked.

nothing exactly eventful happened other than he moved schools, and everything was smooth from there.

his boxing career began to take off when he was 17, when he met an old babysitter of his— one who had taken care of him up until he was 13. he had become a boxing coach and offered to take isaiah up as a student.

if you ever ask mr. sandman in an interview about his boxing idol, he’d most likely say his coach. that man taught him nearly everything he knows, and even taught him the dreamland express move that mr. sandman is most known for, albeit modified.

mr. sandman picked up his alias when his coach told him about the WVBA and their boxers. it was almost inevitable he’d choose mr. sandman in honor of his mother.

he had his first fight at age 18, where it went swimmingly well. records of this fight have been lost to time, but, according to word of mouth, mr. sandman nearly killed the poor man.

i gotta be honest w u all idk how to continue this. umm mr sandman meets a wvba recruiter and then uh yah.😁😁😁

[macabrecravings]

yes hello i heard you asked for harper propaganda so im coming to your rescue. i am assuming the gaslighting puts you off and I UNDERSTAND even for me it was an acquired taste but here are some of their charm points that i think people dont see at a glance

1. they love you. straight up they are infatuated with you. vrel has said that theyre kylar level obsessed they just happen to be more patient. vrel has also said that they for the most part dont treat other patients the way they treat pc and that they take every opportunity possible in their busy schedule to see them.

2. ik people see them as this insidious manipulator and yeah to some degree thats true but theyre such a fucking fail when you read between the lines. cums in their pants just from touching you. harper nobody is believing that having me kiss you is legitimate therapy and it doesnt help that youre LIKE 25 and do every medical/psychological profession under the sun what degree you have to have your staff hypnotized or something. blushes when you initiate anything. blushes when you have a big dick. virginity lines are shit like "say ahh" "please try to relax, im going to administer a suppository" "its time for your prostate exam" like ok buddy sure youre still trying to pretend to be professional while youre balls deep in my ass, just admit you have a roleplay kink

3. theyre so smug and its so fucking funny "nothing good on tv i take it" when you have your second pregnancy SHUT UP LMAO

4. their favoritism of pc is so blatant bc they dont give a flying fuck about ANYONE else. that scene where they have a random med student there to help examine you. the fact that theyve forgotten the students name,, who fucking cares theyre just there to feed harpers voyeurism kink now uh student. whatever your name is help me collect this cum out of pcs holes its for research i promise

ill spare you and stop myself here but ty for reading

omfg. asylumdweller themself coming to spread harper brainrot to me??? i’m honored….

Literally no better person to convince me than you LMFAOOO. WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT …… Okay yeah, yeah, the gears r turning I see the appeal now. 🤔

BAHAHAH. Harper, I’m sorry for not giving u a fair chance 😔 It’s my Whitney situation all over again … Hated them based off of the first ick I got. (Even though I clearly would enjoy their scenes and content if I didn’t judge a book by its cover PLSNDBDNF….)

Aw :( Love an obsessive, pathetic man. Fictional insidious manipulators are fun as fuck, look at my boy Cain <3 He’s the worst and I need him so carnally. Also, cringefail loser? I see… *nodding solemnly and taking notes*

“Nothing good on tv i take it?” IS FUNNY AS FUCK STOP IAIWJDNFBFN

THANK U FOR UR TIME AND EFFORT WRITING THIS!! /gen

i have much to think about ….