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#i just want her to understand me and it all makes me really really sad
softspiderling · 2 days
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god, it's brutal out here | r.c.
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summary:
“And yet you’re still thinking of your ex,” Barry finished the sentence, rubbing his chin. “Why don’t you get back together with her?”
“She doesn’t want me.”
“God, fucking Country Club,” Barry snickered. “You’re fucking dense.”
OR; 5 times your friends share their unsolicited opinions about your and Rafe’s break up.
pairing: rafe cameron x reader
warnings: mention of c*caine
word count: 5,4k
author’s note: the long awaited sequel of so obsessed with your ex! this can be read as a standalone fic, but there are little easter eggs hidden all over, which will be more fun if you read the first part! it's a little bit longer than I had planned, but there was no way around it. I hope you enjoy it so so much!!!!
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦
I Wheezie
“Hey Wheeze.”
You had accepted the facetime without looking at your phone, keeping it rested on a shelf while you were halfway into your closet, trying to find a dress.
“Does Rafe have a new girlfriend??”
Pausing, you shut your eyes, letting out a silent exhale before you picked up the phone, giving Wheezie a wry smile through the camera.
“Nice to see you too.”
The girl only looked at you, unimpressed and her arms crossed. You sighed, running a hand through your hair, knowing you didn’t have a way out of this conversation. Grabbing your phone, you sat down on your bed.
“Yes, Rafe has a new girlfriend.”
“I knew it!” Wheezie shrieked, throwing her arms up, and you only shook your head in exasperation. The tendency for drama clearly was in the Cameron genes. Wheezie frowned, getting closer to your phone as she looked at you.
“Why am I more upset about this than you are?”
You bit back another sigh. “Because Rafe and I are broken up, Wheeze. He’s allowed to date other people, matter of fact, I’m really glad that he has moved on.”
“Bullshit!”
“Wheezie!”
Wheezie rolled her eyes, but she sat back down, crossing her arms over her chest again. “I don’t like her.”
“You don’t even know her,” you sighed, rubbing your temple, feeling a migraine coming on.
“This is crazy!” Wheezie exclaimed. “You and Rafe never should’ve broken up in the first place! Rafe is probably only dating her to make you jealous so you’ll take him back.”
You couldn’t help but snort at that, Wheezie clearly watched way too many rom-coms. She frowned at you.
“Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny, this is, like, super un-funny.”
“Because, Wheeze,” you started, plucking a feather out of your pillow. “This isn’t some 90’s rom-com where I see Rafe with Rebecca and suddenly a sad song is playing. This is real life. We are broken up.”
“I still don’t understand why.”
“Remember when we used to fight all the time? And I was just always sad?”
Wheezie was quiet, her lips still pursed. “Yeah. But that doesn’t mean anything. Couples fight all the time, doesn’t mean you just have to break up.”
“Yes, couples fight all the time and they don’t have to break up, but it was the right decision for me and Rafe,” you said, your tone final. Wheezie looked at you, her frown slowly smoothing down.
“If you say so,” she muttered, not quite convinced. She stared down at her chipped finger nails, before she looked up again. “Can we still talk?”
Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Of course we can still talk, why wouldn’t we?”
“I don’t know… I mean, you’re gonna find a new boyfriend and maybe he has a younger sister as well and then I’ll just be your ex’s younger sister.”
“Wheeze,” you said, fondly, knowing where she was coming from. You had been in her life for most of her teenage years, it must be weird not having you around anymore. “We’ll still talk, no matter if I get a new boyfriend or not, even if he has a cool younger sister, or even three.”
Wheezie smiled, rolling her eyes at you. “You’re so dumb.”
“Yet you still want me around,” you teased. “How about you, Sar and I go get some ice cream and then to the movies this weekend?”
“Sounds good,” Wheezie replied with a big smile. She paused when someone called her name from somewhere in the house, before she turned back to her phone. “I gotta go, Rose needs me. I’ll text you later.”
“Alright, Wheeze. Talk to you later, be good.”
Wheezie waved into the camera, before the facetime ended. Your smile dropped and you tossed your phone on your bed with a sigh, letting yourself fall back on your bed. Even six months after the break up it was still hard to talk about Rafe, and now that he had a new girlfriend, you thought it’d be easier to get over him, but all it did was hurt more. It didn’t help that Rafe was still texting you every now and then. Nothing scandalous, just small texts, but you never replied. You both agreed on no contact after the break up, because you thought it’d give you a better opportunity to heal. You should’ve known he’d break it. Picking up your phone, you unlocked it, swiping to your messages.
Rafe [11/30/23: 1:43 am]: couldn’t sleep. remember when we took out the boat at two am bc we both drank a red bull at ten?
Rafe [11/30/23: 11:22 am]: sorry, i was drinking. didn’t mean to text you. hope you’re doing good
Rafe [12/25/23: 2:44 pm]: merry christmas. it’s weird without you.
Rafe [01/01/24: 01:02 am]: happy new year’s.
Rafe [01/05/23: 9:56 pm]: are you really not gonna text me back?
Rafe [01/27/24: 3:07 am]: i miss you
Rafe [02/12/24: 12:05 pm]: saw you at the party last night. you looked so fucking pretty. took everything in me not to talk to you.
Rafe [03/01/24: 7:12 pm]: idk if you care or not, but i still wanted to let you know. i’m seeing someone
You never replied to any of the texts, knowing it was for the better. You could block him, but you never brought it over your heart to do so, telling yourself you wanted him to reach you in case of emergency, but deep down, you didn’t want to block him.
Just incase.
II Barry
“Want some C?” Barry asked as greeting, presenting Rafe a small baggie with white powder in it as soon as he walked onto the lot.
“Nah,” Rafe declined, already feeling jittery enough without it, “Won’t say no to a beer though.”
Barry let out a grunt, tossing the baggie on the table, disappearing inside the trailer. Rafe took a seat in one of the chairs, running his hand over his buzzed head, bouncing his leg nervously. He had needed to get out of the house for a while. Ever since Rebecca pulled the picture out of the drawer, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. Again.
Which is fucked up, really. He thought he got over you, he didn’t want to be the guy who thought about his ex while having a whole ass girlfriend. The door to the trailer opened with a slam, Barry exiting with two beer cans, handing Rafe one of them. The can was ice cold in his hands, and the cold liquid helped with his racing heart. He let out a sigh, rubbing a thumb over his eye brow. Rafe took another gulp of the beer, almost drinking the entire can in one go, while Barry watched him, assessing.
“You good?”
Rafe nodded, setting the can on the table.
“Yeah, jus’ stressed.”
“Work, or…?”
Barry trailed off without finishing his sentence and Rafe didn’t answer, wiping a finger over his jaw, which was clenched to the max.
Barry eyed him skeptically, leaning back in his chair. “How’s Mrs. Country Club?”
Rafe let out a loud sigh, tipping his head back, like he always did when he was annoyed with Barry.
“Barry, I don’t know if all the drugs you’re taking are starting to get to your memory, but we broke up.”
“Don’t be fucking rude,” he said, kicking Rafe’s chair. Not hard enough for it to tip over, but hard enough for Rafe to grip onto the arm rests, glaring at his friend. “How’d you know I wasn’t talking ‘bout your new girl?”
“Because you always call her Becky,” Rafe pointed out, giving him a look.
Barry shrugged, taking a sip from his beer. “You still know who ‘m talking about, so what’s the problem?”
“Problem is, it’s disrespectful. You know that’s not her name.”
“You’re still hung up on your ex while dating Becky, so who’s really disrespecting her?”
Rafe’s head shot up and the glare he sent Barry was deadly.
“Fuck this shit, and fuck you,” he snapped, pushing himself up from the chair, but Barry grabbed his wrist, stopping him.
“Boy, sit down.”
Rafe scowled at him, before sitting back down, crossing his arms over his chest like a petulant child. He did not come all the way out to the cut to get called out like this.
“If you came here to be coddled, you went to the wrong person.”
“I don’t need to be coddled,” Rafe muttered with an eyeroll. “Just wanted to let off some steam.”
“So?” Barry snorted, waving his hands around. “Steam away.”
Rafe scoffed, scooting down in his chair, shaking his head. “Do you think I want to think of her? I fucking hate feeling like this. Bex is nice, and she’s hot. And yet-”
“And yet you’re still thinking of your ex,” Barry finished the sentence, rubbing his chin. “Why don’t you get back together with her?”
“She doesn’t want me.”
“God, fucking Country Club,” Barry snickered. “You’re fucking dense.”
“Nah, you don’t fucking get it, “ Rafe sneered, leaning his head in his hands. And he didn’t, not really. Which really wasn’t his fault. Rafe just didn’t want to talk about the break up with his friends. Physically couldn’t. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t told anyone why you broke up. Just made it feel all to real, he guessed.
“Nah, you’re right, I don’t,” Barry said, shaking his head. “All I know is, one day you’re all fucking sunshine and the next you’re more emo than that Friday girl.”
“What?” Rafe asked, lifting his head to stare at Barry in confusion.
Barry waved him off. “You know, that freaky girl from Netflix with the black lipstick.”
“Do you mean Wednesday?”
“Yeah, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, all the same to me,” Barry huffed. “Point is, life’s too fucking short to do things that don’t make you happy.”
“Bex makes me happy.”
Barry gave him a long, hard look, squinting his eyes at him. “Yeah, right. Whatever makes you sleep at night.”
Rafe stared back at him before shaking his head, finishing the last of his beer before crushing the empty can in his hand, declining to answer, because he knew he couldn’t convince Barry.
He wasn’t even convinced himself.
III Topper
top [05/03/24: 4:06 pm]: gonna be at alex’s later tonight with rafe and rebecca just fyi if you wanted to come
mrs. rafe [05/03/24: 4:57 pm]: k, thanks for letting me know
—— NEW MESSAGE ——
top [05/04/24: 1:37 am]: can you pick me up?
It was Saturday night, a little past your bedtime for a night in. You were getting ready for bed, exiting the bathroom when your phone buzzed in your hand. Lifting it, you read the new text, not quite believing he’d make you do this. What the fuck was he thinking asking you to pick him up? Shaking your head in disbelief, you typed out an answer.
mrs. rafe [05/04/24: 1:41 am]: topper no
Before you could put the phone away, your phone already buzzed with an answer, and you nearly didn’t want to read whatever lame ass excuse he came up with, your hand stilling when your eyes flit over his text.
top [05/04/24: 1:41 am]: please, i don’t want to get a ride with rafe and rebecca
top [05/04/24: 1:41 am]: she asked me so many questions about you and i can’t be around rafe rn or i’ll tell him
mrs. rafe [05/04/24: 1:45 am]: … fine
mrs. rafe [05/04/24: 1:47 am]: you’re so annoying
Cursing Topper and yourself for not going to bed sooner, you put on a sweatshirt and grabbed your keys and purse, typing out another text before you headed out of the house, getting into your car.
mrs. rafe [05/04/24: 1:49 am]: be there in ten
top [05/04/24: 1:50 am]: omg i owe you <3
Barely ten minutes later, you pulled up in front of Alex’ house, looking out for Topper, before you spotted him underneath a tree. You rolled to a stop next to him, giving him the most unimpressed look.
“You’re a lifesaver,” Topper groaned, getting into the car, shutting the door behind him.
You rolled your eyes, pulling off the curb without another word, driving towards Topper’s house.
“I’m really sorry for asking you to come get me, but Rafe was looking for me and I had too much to drink already to lie in his face,” Topper said, leaning his back against the headrest, shutting his eyes.
You desperately wanted to know what Rebecca had asked but you didn’t want to come off as the nosy ex, even if this was Topper. So as nonchalantly as you could, you asked: “What did you talk about?”
“Jesus,” Topper said, running a hand through his hair. “She asked me how you guys broke up and wanted details, too. Was super insistent, I was kinda scared actually.”
Okay, so just normal sussing out the ex, you could deal with that.
“What did you say?”
“That it was a mutual break up and I didn’t know why you broke up, just that you suddenly disappeared from each other’s lives.”
You sighed. That was the vaguest answer you’d ever heard.
“Why didn’t you just tell her why we broke up?”
Topper glanced at you, his brows knitted together.
“How can I tell her something I don’t know?”
“What?”
You slammed on the breaks, nearly sending Topper flying through the windshield because the idiot hadn’t buckled up, while you stared at him.
“What do you mean you don’t know why we broke up?”
“I don’t!” Topper exclaimed. “Rafe refuses to talk about it and you never told me either.”
“Because I assumed Rafe has told you! It’s been like six months!”
Blinking at Topper, it took you a few seconds to process, jumping when someone honked their horn at you, when you remembered you had stopped in the middle of the street.
“Shit,” you muttered, shifting gears to keep on driving, eyes flitting to Topper repeatedly.
“So…” he started. “Why did you guys break up?”
You gripped the steering wheel so tightly your knuckles turned white, letting out a deep breath. When you had left to come pick Topper up, you hadn’t expected having to tell him why you and his best friend had broken up.
“I was getting so worried about him. He was so stressed about the company every day, took home so much work and Ward was breathing down his neck to keep the numbers up. I told him that I thought he should take a step back, maybe take a break or something, tried to convince him of going on a trip or something, but the more I said, the more he seemed to be pushing himself into work. It got so bad that we were fighting basically every day, and it just wasn’t working anymore. It felt like we were going in circles.”
You cleared your throat when you felt yourself getting choked up, vision turning a little blurry from the tears in your eyes.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Topper exclaimed, patting himself down, looking for some tissues.
“Don’t worry about it,” you snorted, wiping your tears away with the sleeves of your sweatshirt. You were so wrapped up in trying to retell the break up, you hadn’t even noticed that you already reached Topper’s house. “I shouldn’t even still be getting so worked up over this after all this time,” you sniffed, turning your car off.
Topper looked at you, with that typical look on his face and you rolled your eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that. I can’t believe Rafe hasn’t told you.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Honestly? I think he might be in denial about it.”
You scoffed at him, shaking your head. Why was everyone so hung up over your break up?
“It’s been six months.”
Topper didn’t reply, his hand on the car door and you expected him to bid you good bye, but that was too easy.
“… Do you think you guys will get back together?”
“He has a girlfriend, Top.”
“Still. I don’t think that Rafe and Rebecca are gonna last very long.” Topper looked at you, pressing his lips together, before shaking his head. “Sorry. Thanks for coming and for getting me home. Text me if you need anything, okay?”
You nodded, giving him a small wave, and waited until he got out of the car, shutting the door behind him, before you turned your car on, pulling off.
“What the fuck,” you muttered to yourself, wiping the rest of the tears off as you drove home.
IV Kelce
“Kelce!”
Kelce looked up from the pool table, a smile growing on his face when he saw Rafe come down the basement, his friend wrapping an arm around him for a brief hug.
“Happy birthday, man,” Rafe said, handing Kelce a bottle of the expensive whiskey he always drank when he was at Rafe’s but too stingy to buy it for himself.
“Ah shit, you didn’t have to,” Kelce uttered, though his eyes were sparkling as he looked at the bottle in his hands. He handed the pool stick to one of the guys next to him, leading Rafe to the bar. He grabbed two glasses from the shelves, pouring Rafe and himself a good amount, offering one of the glasses to him.
“Cheers to you.”
The two clinked their glasses, before sipping on the whiskey. Kelce really enjoyed it, too, with the way he closed his eyes, and Rafe only snorted in his glass. Kelce peaked his eye open, shoving his friend fondly with a grin.
“Rebecca here?”
“Yeah, upstairs.”
Kelce hummed in thoughts, nodding absentmindedly. He stared into his glass, swishing the amber liquid around before he spoke up again.
“You know she’s here, too, right?”
Rafe tensed, knowing exactly that Kelce was talking about you, but he had expected it. Firstly, because you and Kelce had always been friends, and secondly because he had heard Sarah making plans with you to go together. Didn’t mean this felt any less of a punch to the gut. He really hoped he wouldn’t run into you, because he wasn’t quite sure what he’d do; all he knew was, that Bex wasn’t gonna like it. Rafe cleared his throat, forcing himself to sound nonchalant.
“I figured, yeah.”
“That okay?” Kelce asked, and Rafe was starting to get annoyed, rolling his eyes. Why was Kelce questioning him about you on his damn birthday? He tried to dampen his anger though, not wanting to ruin the night.
“Yes. It’s your birthday, man.”
As soon as those words left his mouth, Rafe knew he did a shit job of hiding his emotions, and Kelce eyed him suspiciously.
“I don’t get you guys,” he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “You got a new girl, but you still haven’t gotten over your ex, clearly, but every time I mention her, you act like it’s the worst thing in the world, but neither of you have said a bad word about the other.
Rafe scoffed, though his heart started to race at the thought of you talking about him. He wondered what you had said, if you cared enough to ask about him, or if you had long moved on.
“Are you ever gonna tell me why you guys broke up?”
“Maybe next time.”
Kelce gave him a wry smile, knowing this was Rafe avoiding the topic again. He lifted his head when more people starting coming down the basement, curling his hand around Rafe’s shoulder to give him a squeeze.
“I really hope you figure it out bro, because this right now is not it.”
He then excused himself to welcome the new arrivals and Rafe gripped his glass, before downing it in one go.
“Alright, who wants to get destroyed in a round of pool?” he asked, clapping his hands together as he approached the pool table. Anything to stop himself from going upstairs to look for you.
V Sarah
“Oh my god, I thought you were gonna keep talking to her forever!”
You gave Sarah a look. She hadn’t even waited a minute after you left Rebecca on the couch before she started talking about her.
“I don’t have a problem with her.”
Sarah groaned, linking her arm with yours as to not lose you in the crowd that has formed in Kelce’s house. You were glancing around, hyper aware that you could run into Rafe any second, but you didn’t want Sarah to notice.
“I don’t understand how you can be so chill. Did you not see the picture she had in her purse?”
You sighed, brushing your hair back over your shoulder. Was this ever going to stop? “Sar, please.”
“Hello?? That was super freaky.”
“Maybe she was just cleaning up and wanted to throw it in the trash and forgot it in her purse.”
Sarah laughed dryly, shaking her head. “Bullshit! Admit that you find it weird.”
“Okay, maybe it is a little weird,” you admitted. “But don’t you do things that are a little weird sometimes? Maybe she’s just a little insecure. Which I wouldn’t blame her for, you’re so mean. Shouldn’t you try and be her friend or something?”
“Why? She’s not gonna be around much longer anyways, and I already have a friend.”
You rolled your eyes, fishing your keys out of your purse to unlock your car. Again with the sentiment that Rafe and Rebecca weren’t gonna last much longer. You decided against deeming that statement with an answer and got into your car, with Sarah getting into the passenger seat.
“Do you want to grab some burgers?” She asked, buckling up, like you hadn’t just told you that your ex and his new girlfriend weren’t gonna last.
You gave her a look as you tossed your purse to the back.
“What do you mean do I want to grab burgers? I thought you wanted to leave because you’re meeting John B early in the morning.”
Sarah blinked at you, before she reached out to give you a shove on the forehead. “I was lying so we could get away, stupid.”
“Oh my god,” you groaned, starting your car as Sarah protested.
“What? I was getting weirded out by you being all besties with Rafe’s new girlfriend. I don’t even understand how you can be so nice to her knowing she’s all up on your man.”
“Pray tell, who’s my man again?”
“Don’t even,” Sarah huffed. “You guys dated forever, I know you still love each other. And let me tell you one thing,” she said, raising her eyebrows at you. “If you got a new boyfriend? Rafe would not be this nice to him like you were to Rebecca.” With that, Sarah crossed her arms over her chest, settling back against her seat.
You only sighed, starting your car in silence.
“Do you want to get burgers now or not?” you asked, extending a peace offer while looking over at Sarah. She glowered at you, before nodding with an eyeroll.
“Yes.”
BONUS + I Rafe
“I did, at the party last night… She said she’s happy that you have me, that she was worried about how you work too much.”
Rafe pushed the pasta on his plate around with his fork, too engrossed in his thoughts to even think about eating. He didn’t even notice how Dennis had stopped talking. Rafe looked up from his plate, only to see Dennis look at him intently, an amused grin on his face.
“Sorry, were you saying something?”
“I was saying a lot, but you seemed like you were on a completely different planet,” Dennis noted, wiping his mouth with a napkin. Rafe winced, putting his fork down.
“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind.”
“I can tell,” Dennis mused. “Trouble in paradise?”
“Something like that.”
Rafe sighed, leaning back in his chair. Ever since you broke up, Rafe has been assuming that you didn’t care about him anymore, that you had long moved on from him and your relationship. He thought that you resented him, blamed him for the break up, which was honestly the main reason why he went back to the dating scene so quickly; to get over you. But hearing that you still cared about him? Enough to be nice to his new girlfriend and even ask about him? He wondered if there was still a chance for him and you to be together again.
If it weren’t for the fact that he already had a girlfriend.
“Can I give you some unsolicited advice, son?”
“Do I have a choice?” Rafe asked with a wry grin and Dennis only let out a belly laugh, shaking his head.
“Rafe, most relationships these days end because of your own ego, from both parties. No matter how big the fight or problem seems, will it really be that important in hindsight?” Dennis asked him. “How long have you an your girl been together? Almost 5 years, no?”
Rafe nodded, not daring to correct Dennis. He had never outright told him that you had broken up in the first place.
“See, that’s half a decade. I can assure you, in another half, you’re not even gonna remember this fight.”
Yeah, I don’t know about that, Rafe thought.
“Do you love her?”
Turning his ring on his finger, Rafe let out a soft exhale, before nodding. “Yeah, I do.”
“See. Problem solved.”
Rafe lifted his head to grin at Dennis.
“Thanks. Is it okay if we cut today short?”
“Sure,” Dennis said, waving Rafe off when he reached for his wallet. “Lunch is on me. Go get your girl.”
“I will,” Rafe promised, pushing his chair back to stand up. “I just gotta take care of something else first.”
BONUS + II You
You were staring at your phone, text thread with Rafe open. It was Saturday night; you and Sarah had went out to a small beach party. Sarah had gone to fill her drink back up and you had used that time of solace to overthink. About Rafe.
For the past few week, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. And you blamed your friends for it, really. First Wheezie, then Topper and then Sarah? Somehow all of them said that the break up was the worst idea, and even though you had always second guessed the choice to break up, this was the first time you actually actively regretted it.
The way Sarah seemed so sure that Rafe and Rebecca weren’t going to last long. Maybe you were wrong and they weren’t as happy as you thought. But then again, it wasn’t any of your business, was it? Who were you to put your nose into their relationship?
God, you shouldn’t be doing this.
“How long does Sarah need to fill her drink back up?” You muttered to yourself, finishing your vodka soda and burying the cup in the sand next to you, when you heard foot steps approaching.
“Finally! I was about to send a search group out for you!” you exclaimed, standing up and dusting the sand off your lap. “Seriously, how long does it take for-”
You froze when you turned around just to see Rafe standing in front of you, instead of Sarah. Swallowing thickly, you blinked at him, caught off guard.
“Rafe, hey,” you said, opting for casual. “Sorry. I thought you were Sarah.”
The corners of Rafe’s mouth twitched. “Yeah, I could tell.”
You looked at him, sighing a bit wistfully (mostly) internally, before you shifted on your feet nervously. “It was nice to see you,” you said, and it was true. “But um… I think I’ll go look for Sarah.” You gave him a small smile, before walking towards, and then past him.
“You’re still worried about me.”
You let out a startled laugh, pausing mid-step to turn back to him. “What?”
“You told Rebecca that you were glad that I had her and that you worried I work too much.”
“Of course I’m still worried about you,” you huffed, brushing your hair back. “You can’t be surprised about that.”
Rafe looked at you, and you could tell that this was news to him.
“Rafe.”
Rafe let out a sigh, rubbing his forehead. “You didn’t reply to any of my texts. I thought you were mad at me or somethin’.”
“I didn’t reply to any of your texts because we said we’d do no contact for a while.
“Still,” Rafe muttered, kicking a rock. “I didn’t think it would be so easy for you-”
“And because you were happy with Rebecca, do you think it’s easy for me to see you with someone else?”
“I broke up with Rebecca last week.”
“What?!”
Mouth agape, you stared at him and Rafe only rubbed the back of his neck. “She… Wasn’t what I wanted.”
“Oh,” you only said, letting out a soft exhale. “I’m sorry about that.”
Rafe sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets. His gaze was trained on the floor for a bit, before he lifted his head to look at you.
“I want to try again… I want us to try again.”
“Rafe…”
You swallowed thickly, your eyes wide and you didn’t move as Rafe took a step towards you, reaching for your hand. Your fingers were cold in his but they quickly warmed to his touch, and the way he laced his fingers with yours, felt all to familiar.
“I love you. I never should have agreed to breaking up. It was arguably the second stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”
“And what’s the stupidest?” you asked, corners of your mouth lifting.
“Not listening to you when you were just trying to help,” he answered, looking down at you, so vulnerable like you hadn’t seen him in a long time. “I rearranged my schedule at the company so I could take on less work, take more time off and relax. Take the time to get us to where we were before it all went shitty.”
Your heart was in your throat as you listened to him talk, unsure what to say.
“Rafe, I don’t know… “
“Baby, please,” he begged, squeezing your hand. “Do you love me, still?”
You scoffed. “That’s not fair.”
“Why? Because you do?”
“Of course I still love you,” you mumbled, looking up at him through your lashes. “Do you know how hard it was for me to ignore your texts? To see you with another girl, so happy?”
Rafe shook his head, lifting his hand to tuck your hair behind your ear. “I wasn’t. Not really.”
You let out another sigh, looking at the way your hands were intertwined, how your heart had stopped racing, before you nodded, looking up at him. “Okay. Let’s do it.”
A smile spread across Rafe’s face, so big it was so uncharacteristic for him.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
It was like that word switched a flip inside of him, as he grabbed you by your nape gently, to kiss you, slotting his lips against your, and as your lips touched, it felt like you were finally home again. You only pulled away to breathe, both of you staring at each other like you couldn’t quite realize this was happening.
Sarah [05/11/2024: 10:45 pm]: (sent to 4 contacts) [picture attached: blurry photograph of you and Rafe kissing at the beach]
Topper [05/11/2024: 10:46 pm]: thank god.
Kelce [05/11/2024: 10:51 pm]: FINALLY!
Wheezie [05/11/2024: 10:59 pm]: !!!!!!
Barry [05/11/2024: 11:02 pm]: read at 11:02 pm
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦
author's note: sooo.... what are we thinking?
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yanfeiimain · 1 day
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"Sure, I'll play along" - Aventurine x Reader
c/w: not nsfw, suggestive at most! Aventurine saving you from your ex. strong language used.
words: 1.3k
a/n: I was literally playing, farming character exp and his voice line made my brain go boom. I'm still working on flip a coin tho so this isnt necesarily perfect >.< Possible part 2 with smut??
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You were sitting at the casino's bar, nervously playing around with your glass. you look around carefully, checking if he followed you. There were no faces you knew. You let out a shaky breath. The bartender shoots you a glance but you pay her no mind.
As someone sits down next to you, you jump and get ready to leave. "Just leave me alone asshole. I don't-" you say, wanting to escape as fast as possible.
"There's no need to be so mean." a young man says, giving a male bartender a note. "Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to! I thought you were someone else…" you excuse yourself. You look at the man next to you, admiring his features. He has pretty blonde hair and captivating eyes. Your gaze lingers. And he notices.
"It's okay, don't worry." He says, smirking. "You got problems?" 
You sit back down, sighing, "Well, kinda, but what's it to you?" You continue nipping on your drink, not too sure of what to think of him. 
"Oh, nothing really, you just piqued my interest, dear," he says, "I mean, you just tried to cuss me out..." He fakes a hurt expression, swiftly changing back to his charming grin. 
He makes you smile a little, and you finally give in. "You want me to tell you about it, huh..." You take the final sip of your drink and put the glass back down. 
"Mhh, I bet it's interesting," he smirks, something glinting in his eyes. "Oh no, it's rather sad, honestly. Would you tell me your name first, though?" you ask, tilting your head slightly. You notice his fancy outfit, taking note of his extraordinary taste.
"Aventurine, pleasure to meet you..." - "y/n." - "Dearest y/n." 
They way Aventurine said your name made it sound oddly special. He certainly had a silver tounge. You feel your cheeks heat up, smiling a little wider, "Likewise, Aventurine." 
"Alright, y/n, tell me your story," he says and orders two more drinks for you both. You breathe and start telling him about your ex-fiance and how he treated you at the end of your relationship. He manipulated you and made you feel horrible. He used you as his personal servant, and every time you both went out, he belittled you and made you feel small. After a lot of thinking and gathering courage, you finally called off the engagement and left him. 
"And that's why you're so paranoid, I understand." He says, looking into your eyes. It makes you blush and feel slightly exposed. "Yeah... He's been following me, well, stalking me. Trying to get me to go back to him." Aventurine gently puts his gloved hand onto yours, and you admire his rings.
After a moment, you decided to break the silence, "Ah, but enough about me. What brings you here?" 
Aventurine hums, smiling once again, "Interested are we? But there's no special reason. I'm just here to gamble and I bet I'll win something good tonight."  He says it so nonchalantly like it's his daily life. It made sense, this is a casino after all. And there is this glint in his eyes again as he looks at you, clearly interested.
You both continue talking and order a few more drinks. The bartender watches you and probably has been listening in on your conversations but you, as well as Aventurine, pay it no mind. As the night progresses, you relax. 
However, just as you got comfortable, the alcohol playing its part, a tall figure enters the casino. You only noticed as he joins you and Aventurine at the bar, ignoring the latter. "Shit, that's him" you whisper, slightly nervous.
"Aventurine, could you help me out if he tries anything?" you feel insecure, basically asking a stranger to help you with your creepy ex. "Sure, I'll play along." Aventurine smiles. It was softer this time.
"Hey there, sweetheart, enjoying your night?" The guy on your right, your ex, says playfully, yet his face tells a different tale. He is annoyed, no, absolutely pissed off. "Oh, for the love of god, leave." you scowl. 
"Why should I? C'mon, I'm giving you one last chance to go back home with me, no consequences." he offers, but you know his disingenuous tone too well. "No way. Forget it. We are over." you deny him.
Looking to Aventurine for help, you blurt out, "And I'm already with someone who doesn't treat me like shit!" Proving your statement, Aventurine wraps his arm around you, his fingers grab your waist possessively. "Yes, that's right." 
"And who are you, peacock?" Your ex asks, looking at Aventurine with disgust, yet amusement.  "Aventurine, her lover," the blonde lies with ease, his face adorned with the usual smirk he wore so often that night.
"You whore, already sleeping around again? Have you forgotten who owns you?" he spits, insulting you like usual. The bartender starts to giggle. "Relax dude, they only just met. There's no way he would ever be with a gal like her." Aventurine shoots her a deathly glare and your ex laughs. 
"Oh my god, you are an embarresment. Get your lying ass out of here and come with me. And you, Aventurine, you should leave your dirty claws off of someone else's property." your ex scoffs.
"Ahaha... lovely but we're not playing pretend, are we?" Aventurine laughs and promptly pulls you onto his lap. You feel your stomach twist and heat creeps onto your cheeks. You now sit on his lap, facing him. You feel his soft breath on your neck as he pulls you to his chest.
"Right, darling?" You could feel his heartbeat quicken and Aventurine felt yours. "Of course not," you manage to breathe out. He lifts your chin with his gloved hand, you can feel the cold rings on your skin. They send shivers down your spine. 
Aventurine pulls you into a heated kiss, his soft lips moving against yours and you gasp in surprise, not expecting him to go so far. You melt into the kiss, completely giving in to the blonde. 
Your ex simply stares at you, his mouth slightly agape.  "Tch, that doesn't prove anything." Pretending it doesn't faze him, he rolls his eyes, the bartender scoffs as well and leaves.
You break the kiss, gasping for air. Aventurine smirks complacently and gently tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. "Whatever you say, friend." 
"Fine, have her. Just know that she is a filthy and unfaithful brat." With that, he turns around. "And this isn't over yet."
You let out a sigh of relief. He is finally gone. "What an asshole..." Aventurine mutters, making you realize what just happened.
"Oh gosh, I'm sorry! I asked for your help but you didn't have to go this far. I hope it didn't make you uncomfortable. I apologize! How could I ever thank you..." you ramble but Aventurine just cups your face and gives you a second, soft kiss. 
"No need to apologize, y/n. To be honest, I thoroughly enjoyed this night. It was certainly a nice surprise." He gently rubbed your cheek with his thumb, reassuring you. "As for how to thank me... There's no need." 
Your eyes widened, "Ah well, I'm glad you felt that way. But... Are you sure? You want nothing in return?" He shook his head, resting his other hand back on your waist. "Although, there is something you could do for me. If you want, that is." 
He grins mischievously. To be honest, he finds you alluring and wants to know get to know you. 
"Sure, what is it?" you ask, genuinely interested. "Spend the night with me."
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virginsexgod69 · 2 days
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Idk why, but I've really been loving the idea of Daryl proposing to reader recently. Like, he was just gonna pop the question in the confines of their own home, but maybe while on a hunt, the reader successfully tracks down and kills a deer on her own without Daryl's help, and while she's excitedly rambling about the fact that she finally did it on her own, Daryl just looks at her and thinks, "yeah, this is the girl I wanna marry," and then unexpectedly just says "marry me". He pulls a ring out and everything. Fluff all the way!
Thank you so much if you write this, but don't feel pressured to! You don't have to write something you don't want to. I completely understand either way. I appreciate you nonetheless 💜
❝ Marry Me ❞
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pairing Daryl Dixon x F! Reader
cw killing a deer and some walkers
1.7k words
note this was such a cute idea and i loved writing it so much! i hope you like it and it fits the vision you had! =]
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���What’s on your mind, baby?” You asked sleepily, running your fingers through his soft hair as his head rested comfortably on your chest. 
“Nothin’,” he lied. He hated lying to you, but he didn’t know how to go about popping the question. Now would have been a nice time, with two of you cuddled comfortably on the couch in the privacy of your own home. Moments like these were some of his favorites with you and adding the memory of a marriage proposal to them would only make these moments better. But for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wasn’t scared you’d say no, in fact he would have bet his life on you saying yes. Yet, each time, the words kept dying on his tongue and the ring weighed heavily in his pocket. 
“You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” You insisted. He looked up at you sweetly and muttered an ‘I know.’ You gave him a sad smile, wishing he’d tell you what he was thinking, but respecting his decision not to. 
“I love you, Daryl,” you said dreamily. This was it, the perfect segue into a proposal. He sat up properly and felt around in his pockets for the ring. The words were just about to leave his mouth, but the tired yawn that escaped you interrupted him. 
“G’nite,” you muttered as you dozed off. Daryl would never not be amazed at how fast you could go from being wide awake one minute to falling asleep in the next. He pulled the ring out of his pocket and fiddled with the shiny piece of jewelry. It was a small, elegant ring with a fairly thin band and diamond right in the center. Whoever had originally bought it had to have paid a fair amount of money for it, but stuff like that didn’t matter now. Even though you would say yes without a ring, he still wanted to do something nice for you because you deserved it. The weeks of examining the hands of every walker he killed and searching through abandoned cars and buildings all became worth it once he found the perfect ring for you. But somehow, that was the easy part. Finding the right words at the right moment was proving difficult as every minute he wasn’t married to you passed by. He sighed to himself and tucked the ring back into his pocket, disappointed that yet another opportunity slipped by. 
He gently lifted you from the couch, taking extra care not to wake you from your peaceful sleep. He carried you up the stairs and into your shared bedroom before pulling back the comforter and sheets and tucking you in. He slid into the bed beside you and you gravitated toward his warmth like you usually did. He pressed a kiss to your forehead.
“Love you, too.” 
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The sun blooming over the horizon created an orangey hue across the clear sky, illuminating the once dark forest. It became easier to see the tracks of the deer you’ve been tracking since dark morning. Hunting wasn’t something you did before the dead started rising, but it quickly became a necessary skill to have and thankfully, you had Daryl to show you the ropes. He even showed you how to use his crossbow once when you joined him on a hunt way back at the prison. That same day you learned that you preferred a hunting rifle. In return, you shared with him the medical knowledge you had from being a paramedic. The quid pro quo relationship you had with the hunter slowly grew into something more deep and meaningful over time. 
Finally, after hours of following the tracks imprinted in the damp earth, you came across a clearing where the doe stood. You aimed the rifle at her, careful not to make any noise and scare her off. Through the scope, you pointed the weapon at the place Daryl taught you to in order to ethically kill it. Just as you were about to press your finger to the trigger, you noticed walkers approaching the doe. Their loud groans and clumsy footsteps spooked her, sending her running into the forest just at the same time you fired your shot. 
“Goddamn walkers!” You cursed. You put the safety on your rifle and hung it on your shoulder by the strap. Unsheathing your knife, you entered the clearing and approached the undead beings. You put them both down once they approached you and cleaned your knife on your jeans before putting it back into its sheath. Red blood contrasting on the green grass caught your eye. It belonged to the doe, meaning your shot actually landed and she could be somewhere wounded, or even dead. Excitement increased your heart rate as you followed her blood trail. This was the closest you’ve come to killing a deer on your own. You’ve managed smaller kills, like squirrels, before, but never a deer! You couldn’t tell if you were more excited about actually killing the deer or seeing Daryl’s reaction, but either way you were giddy. 
After trekking about a half mile in the direction the doe fled, you finally found her lying in the greenery having succumbed to your shot. You were beaming with happiness as you effortlessly picked her up and carried her across your shoulders. You’ve carried people heavier than her out in the field during your paramedic days. 
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Daryl nervously fiddled with the ring as leaned over the railing of the front porch, smoking a cigarette. He hated how hopeless he felt when it came to actually proposing to you. With how long the two of you have been together romantically, the ability to propose should have come to him naturally. He knew there was nothing to be nervous about and that he was just psyching himself out and he should just ask you to marry him already. But every time it felt like the right moment to, that feeling was gone once he started digging around in his pocket for the ring. 
The sight of you walking toward the house with a big smile on your face and a deer draped over your shoulders snapped him from his thoughts. Maybe it was just the sun shining from behind you, but you were absolutely glowing.
“Daryl!” You shouted excitedly as you increased your walk into a small jog. You set the deer down before hurrying up the porch stairs. He put out his cigarette before you excitedly jumped into his arms, embracing him like you haven’t seen him in months. 
“Guess what!” You said as you reluctantly pulled away from the hug. 
“Wha?” Based on the deer laying at the base of the stairs he was sure he could tell what happened, but you looked so happy and he wanted to share your excitement and hear you tell him yourself. 
“I finally killed a deer! All on my own!” A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as pride swelled in his chest. He remembered when he took you hunting with him the first time. You were the one who wanted to go with him and "see what he does when he's off to who knows where for who knows how long." When he finally did, you complained about how boring it was and how all you were doing was looking at dirt and not seeing any animals. But now, here you were with a deer you had hunted all on your own. 
"I had been tracking it since way earlier this morning and I almost thought I wasn't gonna catch it but then I saw it in a clearing and so I was gonna shoot it but then walkers got in my way like they usually do, those annoying sons of bitches, and then the deer ran but I had shot at it so then I followed the blood..."
Daryl stared at you in awe as you rambled on about your adventure. The sense of pride and adoration he felt whenever he looked at you, but now especially was overwhelming. You were perfect in every way and he'd be damned if he went another second without being your husband. 
"...and then I found it further in the woods and I was just so excited that I finally caught a whole entire deer all on my own for the v—"  
"Marry me!" he blurted out suddenly. 
"Huh?" You blinked at him in confusion, not sure if you heard him right. As if he suddenly remembered something, he patted all his pockets until he felt the one with the ring in it and pulled it out. The sparkle of the diamond in the sunlight caught your eye. 
"Will ya marry me?" he repeated, this time holding out the ring to you. He lowered himself to one knee, still holding out the ring. Your eyes filled with tears, happy tears, and you held out your left hand to him. 
"Of course!" you said as he slid the ring onto your fourth finger. It fit almost perfectly. As soon as he stood up from his position on the floor, you jumped into his arms. He caught you and held you tight as you peppered kisses all over his face. He set you back down onto your feet and held your face in his big warms hands, wiping away your tears away with his thumbs. 
"I'm so proud of ya fer catchin' that deer all by yerself." The smile that graced his face was contagious. 
"Learned from the best," you said, smiling up at him. He leaned down and you met him halfway in a kiss. 
"Can't wait to skin this deer with my wife," he said once he pulled away from the kiss. 
"Ooh," you exclaimed, giddy at the new title, "Can't wait to eat some venison with my husband!" 
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thanks for reading!
note i've been a pescatarian for 3-ish years now, but I've been wanting wing-stop, so i got some wing-stop and it was great. thanks for listening
Taglist @banquetwriter @eternalrose81 @the-dixon-effect @dilfsandmartinis @millybaby @daryldixmedown @theoraekenslover @aeriean @lesbian-horror-fan @in-this-minute @paintlavillered @zhannamustdie @thegeorgiahuntsman @bigbaldheadname @Lumi362 @lettersfromyourlover-blog @princesssparkel2024 @hayweee @d0p3ys-delusions @xxlaynaxx
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woolieshubris · 11 hours
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the one thing i do miss about zag is that he was such a shitlord. i miss his stupid quips... I do like melle quite a bit! she's really cool of a character and I think her more stoic personality matches with the theme of the game really well, but it just makes the game feel that much more somber compared to the first one. the first game didn't feel like it had this time crunch to it- it felt like I could enjoy the sights and that he was doing this out of boredom. melle is doing this out of neccessity... just makes the game feel that much more serious
these aren't bad things!!! at all!!! it's just it makes me sad for melle... she deserves a happier life... I wish her quest was voluntary like zag's.
(DISCLAIMER: IM NOT WISHING THE GAME WAS DIFFERENT BTW. I JUST THINK AS A CHARACTER MELLE DESERVES A HAPPY LIFE WHERE SHE CAN DO WHAT SHE WANTS!!!!!!! I UNDERSTAND THE NARRATIVE PURPOSE AND I LIKE THE GAME A LOT I JUST WISH MELLE COULD BE HAPPY)
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ramen-writes · 2 days
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Prompt: The villian comes around the corner, sneaking into the hero's house while they're supposed to be celebrating with friends. Only to see the hero slumped against the wall, drunk.
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The villian came around the corner. Only to see the hero all alone in her room slumped against the wall with bottles surrounding her.
"Wh- what are you doing?" The villain asks.
"Huh?" The hero raises her head to look at him. "Oh... It's you" she says sadly.
"Yeah it's me so get up and fight me" he says urging her to get up.
"Nahh let's just end it here, I am tired, you win I lose, happy?"
Confusion fills up the villain's face "N-no, not happy. See? I am not happy. What do you mean, what's going on? You always fight for this place and the people of it"
The hero hums "yeah I guess but it's not like I owe it to them" a hunt of resentment seeps through her calm voice.
"Wha- but you grew up here with these people shouldn't you want to protect them?"
"I can say the same about you too. You weren't the only one they treated like an outcast because of what you could do. I was treated the same way but when you decided to show up all powerful and mighty I had them choice to either join you and prove them correct or fight you and prove them wrong. I did what I thought was the right thing..."
The villain gapes and the hero continues "everyone looovves the hero until they get all up and close with them and realize it's not all fun", she goes to grab another bottle but before she can the villain quickly snatches it
"Hey!! I need THAT. How else am I supposed to act like everything is fine if I can't let it out in the solitude of my own home and drink my problems away" the villain sets the bottle aside, not listening.
" This isn't about the town's people is it. Someone close to you? Who? Viviana? Cobey? Never liked them, always thought they were kinda a weird duo to take up as a guard" the villain said clearing some of the tissues and bottles so he could sit.
"No it wasn't them" the hero mumbled out.
"Then who? I really don't think you are close to that many people" the hero hummed softly in agreement.
"W-wait I didn't mean it as an insult I just meant that there aren't many people who you trust... wait that doesn't make it better does it?" The villian winced.
"Well if it isn't them then who-" The villain's eyes widen as the realization sets in. "No..." He whispers and the hero just nods.
"Liam? How? He is the last person I would've guessed to be the reason for all this" he gestured to the bottles and pillows.
"He doesn't know that I am like this. I acted all calm and composed in front of him." She slumps "well I hope I did because otherwise I just seem like a sad lonely idiot"
"B-but that doesn't make any sense... Yo-you guys were in love. He was the only person I couldn't even think of trying to blackmail because he was so loyal to you".
The hero let out a chuckle. "It's not his fault really... Mostly mine for putting the kingdom and the people of it before everything else".
"Of course it's not your fault I just don't understand what happened". The villain says.
"He wanted to settle down, and I couldn't do that, he wanted a family and I couldn't give it to him, he wanted me to not put the city before everything else and I once again couldn't do it." she let out a sob. "I let something that took everything from me destroy the one thing I had left"
"Oh..." Is all the villain could let out. He didn't know how to comfort anyone or if he even should comfort her.
"The worse part is that he was so nice about it too" her voice cracks.
"He said that he couldn't do it, that he couldn't live like this when I put everything else before him. But he also said that it didn't mean that he wasn't going to be there for me. He said he would still be my friend and will always fight beside me" she let out another sob. "H-he wished me luck and said that he hoped that I could learn to put myself before the city... H-he said he would be there for me but that he can't wait forever and this is something I have to learn myself" by now she was full on sobbing.
The villain didn't know what to say or do. "You know...I had a similar experience too" he says. Where did that come from? Stupid.
But now the hero was looking at him with curious eyes. Those eyes wide, and for a moment almost forgetting the tears they had just shed. He sighed, it's not like she was going to remember this anyways and it's better than listening to her sob.
"She was the most talented and beautiful woman I had very seen. She still is..."
He glanced at her only to find her staring up at him urging him to continue. He sighed.
"She was the only on who understood me, she knew what I was going through without me even telling her. She didn't have her life any better than mine but she still went around with a smile on her face that made my day. She was the light at the end of the tunnel, the reason I decided to wake up every morning...and then I ruined it. I became this. Even after everything she did for me I knew I couldn't live like that forever and I didn't want her to have to either... But she didn't agree. She believed there was a better way. But I knew that was just hope and hope is dangerous. So as much I wanted to I couldn't let myself become the hopeful boy I used to be waiting for a day where everything would be fine. So I left..."
He finished and looked at her.
"that's not a good ending" she pouted.
"He let out a sad chuckle "No...it's not, is it? But I guess we can't always have a happily ever after" He glanced at her again.
Her bright eyes, the one that shined so bright everytime she smiled.
"Do you miss her? Do you regret it? does the pain ever stop?" Her voice cracked at the last sentence.
" Yes... I miss her every day" and he did but not because he didn't get to see her but because every time he did she acted as if she didn't know him, as if everything they went through didn't matter like becoming...this, erased everything else.
"And I do question if she was right. That if I hadn't become the villain everything would have been fine but I also know that that's just wishful thinking..." He sighed.
"The pain doesn't go away...well at least for me it didn't but it gets better over time. Surround yourself with the people who love you most and soon you'll understand that that's just how somethings happen. Unlike me you didn't lose someone, maybe as a lover sure but from what you told me it seems as if you aren't losing him as a friends or someone you care about and who cares about you." He says.
"What about you? Did you lose her?" She asked, her voice slightly more sober now.
"I like to think not forever" he said as a sad smile made its way onto his face.
That was one thing he let himself hope for, the only time he let himself be a little boy again and believe that one-day everything would be okay.
The villain let out a breath getting up.
"Let's get you cleaned up first alright?" The hero nodded as the villain helped them stand up.
The moment she was on her feet she stumbles forward. The villain caught her before she could fall. "Sorry... It's hard to walk after you just drowned yourself in..."
She squinted her eyes and looked towards the bottles "whatever that is. What is that anyways?" She asked.
The villain confused looked at the bottles and his eyes widened. "What the- you were drinking straight up hard liquor, no wonder you're like this. Come on I'll carry you"
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last-starry-sky · 9 hours
Note
Kate, consider this: making out with a girl to get Simon’s attention. Naturally, he gets possessive and drags you away. Then you get weirdly jealous over how he’s tasting another woman’s lips when he kisses you 🤪
warning - listen, i am painfully heterosexual 💀 but do i enjoy a toxic scenario between two fundamentally broken people enough to get over it? hell yes.
[MDNI - reader/f!oc (I guess? she's written very vaguely so have fun with that) - nothing nsfw, just some drinking and kissing. I wrote it more that Simon becomes jealous, reader doesn't plan it, sorry. maybe some spice if you want a part 2???👀]
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You don't understand why he's mad.
He's the one who led you on for weeks. Texting and calling at all hours, which you answered promptly (like a moron), only to be suddenly left unread? You understood he was military, but there was only so much you could swallow.
You'd cared for him too. Stuffed his massive frame and all his stuff into your tiny car when you picked him up from the airport, given him a place in your house to rest and unpack his bags, too, if only for a few days. You expected the newfound closeness to also push him to become, you know, closer to you. But it's like every ounce of your desirability evaporated once you gave permission for him to stay.
Whatever, you think as you get ready to go out after work. He’s not even there. It's his loss really. If he's going to treat you like a hotel, then he can enjoy the lumpy mattress in the spare room alone.
You have all this pent up energy to let off and a whole night to do it.
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The cub is nice and busy: filled wall-to-wall with bodies on the dance floor and the bar. It’s dark and hazy, enough to see your drink in front of you, maybe a face if you really tried, but no one is here for that. You’re here to melt into the crowd stuffed into the little brick building, get drunk and maybe have a little anonymous fun.
You’d just managed to squeeze a spot in at the bar, the bartender mixing up your drink quickly in front of you before jetting away. Shame, you think as you spin your ice cube with the pretty fruit skewer. He was cute.
“Hey!” A woman's voice says behind you as she slides into the stool next to you, her hand on your back. “Mind if I sit with you?”
Oh, you think, she’s cute, too. A sparkly gold dress that matches her eye shadow hangs off her frame as she rests her head in her hand. You can tell she’s been dancing her heart out. Sweat beads at her hairline and neck, making her sparkle even more in the dim light.
“Go ahead,” you say, leaning in so she can’t hear you. “Need something to drink? Water?”
She laughs a musical laugh as she catches her breath. “Buying me a drink already? You move fast.”
You nod, a new boldness growing from all the disappointment you’ve been shoving down since Simon set fire to your expectations.
“I have a tab,” you tell her as she pulls her stool close enough to touch your knees. She’s signaling for the bartender before you have the words out of your mouth.
You order another drink each, falling into easy conversation once the music changes from a thumping rave to slow and melodic. You talk about your lives, jobs, the reason you both came out tonight, all while you carefully tiptoe around mentioning the man staying at your house.
“You wanna know why I sat by you?” She says, finishing her second drink.
You shake you head and stir your own drink with the skewer, cherries falling down into the alcohol.
“You looked sad,” she says reaching out to hold your wrist. “Pretty girl like you? Didn’t want you to sit at the bar all night. Wanted to see you smile! Get out there and dance, be happy, you know?”
You feel a blush creep over your cheeks. You look down to where she’s touching you. It’s innocent, but something about her look says she wishes it wasn’t.
Might as well tell her now.
“I . . . I invited this guy to stay with me and he turned out to be a total ass,” you blurt out.
She reaches out immediately with both arms to pull you into a hug.
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry,” she says smoothing her hands down your back. Her words are soft and sweet in your ear. “Guys can be so dumb sometimes,” she says pulling away, her hands trailing down your arms to hold your hands. “That’s why I don’t even bother anymore. Wanna dance?”
You nod again, a small smile mirroring hers as she pulls you away from the bar.
Her hand is on your back as she leads you onto the dance floor. The crowd is gathering again now that the music has picked up tempo, but her hands casually draped on your hips tell everyone else to give you space. You like it. She’s warm and energetic, already swaying to the music. You thread your arms over her shoulders nervously. This can’t be any different from dancing with a guy, right?
“Relax,” she says leaning in to your ear. “Not gonna bite.”
You nod back. She pulls away until you’re nose to nose.
“First time?” She asks with a tilt of her head.
You nod again. She pulls you into closer, until your hips are flush, breasts pressing deliciously together, your faces only a breath apart. You can feel how wide your eyes are.
“”sokay. Just lean your head on my shoulder. I’ll lead.”
You do as she tells you. Closing your eyes as she rocks both of your bodies to the beat. You enjoy it. A spore of a thought lands in your mind to ruin it, though: what if Simon hadn’t been such a distant prick? Could this have been you and him? Would he have even come out with you?
You feel a vibration in your pocket as she slides her thigh between yours. You whine at the contact, not even registering the next text that comes through for a full minute. You sluggishly pull away, pulling your phone out as you do. You give her a sheepish look as you check your lock screen.
It’s Simon.
You sigh and fall back into her waiting arms. You don’t want to answer him. You have a sinking feeling he's just gotten back to your empty house and now he's trying to crawl back to you, apologizing and begging for a crumb of pussy like before. You don't want that though. You want to stay here, in the arms of someone who gives a damn about you, who makes you feel good.
"Your guy?" she asks, more mirth than disappointment in her voice.
You nod into her shoulder. You pick your head up with another sigh. "I should answer him back," you shout over the crowd.
She flicks her head back, indicating the front door, before leading you through the wall of bodies off the dance floor.
She holds your hand until you walk out into the chill of the night. The crowd of smokers looks back at the both of you before turning back, minding their own. You pull away to look at your phone. Another message from Simon had come through. Before you can unlock your phone to read them, she grabs your hand again.
"Hey, I-" she says snuggling up to you, hands circling your hips again. Her slinky dress can't be keeping her very warm. "I had a great time with you, so, no pressure, but if your guy is still being an ass-" You let her pull you flush to her body, your heart pounding in your chest. "you can come back with me tonight," she whispers before pecking a kiss on your lips.
Neither of you pull away. You do forget about the phone in your hand and the plans you'd made almost immediately. Silently, you press back against her lips, your hand coming up to rest on her neck.
You can taste her lip gloss as you kiss her, nothing but plastic and chemicals, but it makes your head spin. It's almost sweet, how chaste the two of you are. Standing outside of a bar, her shivering and moaning, as you hold one another and share a long goodnight kiss.
Your phone vibrating in your hand knocks you back to reality. This time, you hold it up to your face, and your phone unlocks into your messages automatically.
where are u? gone out? want to talk. outside. give u a ride home.
You hear unmistakable rattle of your car (you've been meaning to get that noise looked at, honest) as it pulls up behind you as you read the last message. A chill rolls down your spine.
trying to make me jealous? get in the car. bring your friend with you.
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((OKAY I HAVE TO END THIS NOW BC ITS BEEN ROTTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR AGES BYE))
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fun-k-board · 2 days
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AAAA YOUR REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!! :3333 could I maybe request CG Storm and CG Rogue? Maybe them and a little reader who’s a bit on the fussy/ tantrum-y side?
Thank you!!!!! ^^ (u probably know who this is but I’m too scared to come off anon 😭)
X-MEN '97 - Little reader who's fussy and tends to have tantrums
SFW INTERACTION ONLY!! AGE REGRESSION IS NOT A KINK!!
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Note(s): HEHHE I KNOW!! It's alright tbh I'm terrified of coming off anon too (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠;⁠)
Powered through writing this because you're cool as hell and I like you! 💪 I don't and didn't really have the most idk 'attentive' family, so I'm not the best judge on how to take care of kids or people in a kids mindset, I may be a little bad at writing for caregivers and age regression in general because of this.
ANNA MARIE DARKHÖLME / ROGUE
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'Hey, hey now sugah, let's calm down, you don't want to go in time out and I don't want to send ya. Explain to me why you don't like the food, I'm perfectly alright gettin' you somethin' different, there ain't no need to get upset.'
Anna can sometimes tell when you're about to have a tantrum or become more fussy than usual, even if you tend to take a while to throw a full fit, she'll watch you carefully and try to prevent one from fully forming. Gently kissing you on the forehead and brushing back your hair, asking what's wrong with a worried look on her face.
The moment you start yelling, kicking, or even crying, maybe after ignoring her question, she finds it hard not to just fold and give you what you want, after all, you're just so cute. However, her sense of responsibility and care for you overwhelms her need to coddle you.
Anna will say your name firmly, getting you to pay attention to her, and only her. She'll get a tissue for you and wipe your tears away, and ask firmly what you're sad or angry about and if you could possibly explain it to her.
If you can't verbally, for whatever reason, she'll give you the opportunity to write it on paper or she'll play a guessing game with you, the guessing game is only for when you're extremely upset and need cheering up though.
If you explain, in whatever format you need to, that you're upset because of an issue that's causing you distress, maybe food triggered sensory issues, someone was mean to you, etc, then she'll let you off the hook because you clearly didn't mean to cause any harm and you were just acting out.
Rogue will give you a bit of a talking to, telling you that crying and throwing things makes it difficult to help, but that's about it. Given it's not your fault she isn't actually too mad, she just wants you to understand that she won't know how to help if you're kicking and screaming.
If, however, your outburst was because of a silly reason, say you don't like the colour crayons and you throw them at her, she won't be as quick to accept it and move on.
She's still very sympathetic and won't ever raise her voice at you, even when you've done something especially terrible for no apparent reason.
Anna is very lenient and her 'punishments' usually just include a minute or so sitting in the corner, maybe withholding drawing from you for the day, but she always makes sure to explain in detail why you're being punished and it's usually only a last resort.
Rogue is very sweet even when she's being stern, her eyes can't help but go soft and her tone slips from that firm scolding one she uses when you're being bad, to a sweet almost coo-like baby voice.
Afterwards she comforts you like there's no tomorrow, telling you that she didn't want to hurt your feelings by taking away something or sending you to the corner, but you just need to learn some manners and how to handle yourself.
If you're fussy in terms of only liking clothes of a certain colour, food cut or made in a certain way, or things being done in a particular order, she absolutely doesn't mind doing these things for you! When it comes to cooking Rogue tends to ask for Gambit's help, she's not the worst cook in the world, but she can't do it like Remy can.
When it comes to removing parts of food, maybe you like to remove the crusts of bread and have them separate or not at all, she'll happily cut them off for you and maybe even eat the crusts while talking to you.
Sometimes she matches clothes with you! After all, 'If you like these clothes, they must be the best ones they got!' She says with a grin.
ORORO MUNROE / STORM
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'My child, it's important to remember your manners when speaking to those around you. I am not angry, but you must tell me what is wrong if I am to correct my mistake or you are able to grow.'
The moment she notices you starting to throw a tantrum, which is fairly fast even if your signs are just a deep frown, asking you if everythings alright and most of the time avoiding any tantrums before they begin.
However, sometimes you refuse to tell her what's wrong, perhaps you go straight to throwing toys or food, pouting, yelling, in replying she will simply hold a gentle hand on your shoulder and kindly repeat her question on what the matter is. Her tone is gentle and her face is one of genuine concern.
Like Rogue, if you're in distress because of something that's not your fault, or maybe you're just overwhelmed, she will never hold it against you at all. If you're comfortable with it and it's something you need to calm down, Storm will pick you up and give you a tight hug, if not, she's alright with just holding a hand on your shoulder, or even removing her hand and only speaking to you.
Ororo will get on one knee, bending down to speak to you in a hushed whisper, she'll tell you that it's all okay, that she'll help you and make it better, give you different food, turn off the lights, whatever you need, she can give it to you.
However, if you're just being fussy to perhaps get a reaction out of her, she'll raise her brow in an almost amused action, as if she finds your attempts to be aggravating as cute as a cat nibbling on its owner's hand. If you're throwing a fit just to throw one, she will definitely tell you sternly that you cannot do such things, at least not in her care.
I don't think that Storm is the type to use the corner or naughty step as a punishment, after all, she has her own fear of tight, dark places, you may fear loneliness, or abandonment, she does not wish her own troubles onto a mind like yours.
Instead, she talks to you, more importantly, she'll help you figure out what you did wrong, how to improve next time, and reflect on her own actions to see if the trouble was caused by a mistake on her part. It won't be an in depth conversation, she tends to use stuffed animals as an aid to show you an outsiders perspective.
If you're struggling with saying your words out loud, never fear, she has tons of paper and crayons, or pencils, pen, markers, etc if that's what you prefer, just for you! She keeps them in her room for whenever you regress and want to keep near her when doing so.
Ororo will advise you to draw your feelings, maybe even write a letter if that's more what you're comfortable with. She doesn't mind bad spelling or handwriting, she's quite good at deciphering even the most atrociously unintelligible handwriting.
At most, and only if you've been really bad, she'll lead you to your room, or hers, just to make sure you don't get embarrassed and act out further. Storm will tell you what you did wrong as firmly as she can so that you'll understand. It's only a light scolding though, she never ever raises her voice when you're around unless you need or want her to.
If she ever does raise her voice and it startles or frightens you, she will apologise, regardless of if you've done something wrong or not. It's never her intention to harm you, you've entrusted her to care for you and she will do anything in her power to achieve that goal.
If your fussiness is about certain clothes, textures, toys, etc, she absolutely doesn't mind exclusively getting you certain clothes or toys, and she won't be angry at all if you throw a tantrum over texture or taste, because she's fully aware it can be distressing to have an unfavourable texture of clothing of food.
Ororo will always ask questions about something before she gets it for you, after a while she knows pretty much all of your likes and dislikes.
She's a great cook and can switch the taste or texture in something with just a flick of her wrist, something she doesn't mind doing, especially if the food she's already making is something that causes a lot of stress.
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tothepointofinsanity · 7 months
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what are your thoughts on Madoka and Sayaka's relationship? I always thought it was underrated for how complex and tragic it is.
Madoka and Sayaka's relationship function similarly to that of a knight and a princess, so both their friendship or couple pairing are interesting to me. It seems to be intentional that Sayaka was crafted with a knight motif in mind to click with Madoka's vulnerability. The tragedy is that Sayaka was way too young and inexperienced to be shouldering such expectations in a friendship. Taking up the role of a protector at every turn because she wanted to protect everyone has always been a contributing factor to how fast Sayaka burned out.
Contrarily, Madoka's struggle with her own helplessness throughout the show was also part of the reason why Sayaka said a lot of terrible thing to her, but deeply regretted her actions to the point where she succumbed to Witching out away from Madoka. Madoka, at least in this "final" timeline, was not there to see her own childhood best friend change into something else. To, in a way, "die", and be reborn as the same monster that all magical girls were hunting after in a frenzy. Homura was right that Sayaka brings Madoka grief — it seems that in almost timeline, since Sayaka becomes a Witch as long as she becomes a magical girl unlike Mami or Kyoko, Sayaka is a consistent source of Madoka's grief. Whenever Madoka becomes a magical girl, then, her aspirations are based on Sayaka's sacrifice and ideals, except Madoka actually has the power to "save everyone". I believe Madoka loved Sayaka as Sayaka may not have been an "effective" magical girl, but she was the one who was willing to sacrifice her soul for her ideals, regardless of how naïve they were. To Madoka, who was so ensnared by her sense of uselessness, Sayaka was the closest thing to an idol or a star for the courage required to be a magical girl. Sayaka's desire to make the world a safer and justified place for people was so inspiring to Madoka that even when Madoka becomes Kriemhild Gretchen, the Witch's whole gimmick is "creating heaven on earth, a Witch content only if there is no more grief in existence". A prospect deeply held onto by Madoka that even Gretchen embodies it.
It's probably why Madoka's wish to save all magical girls would definitely sound equally impossible to he audience and the incubators, but Madoka herself says, "If someone says it's wrong to hope, I will tell them that they're wrong every time." Sayaka was often called foolish for her ideals and hopes, and Madoka was the only other person aside from Kyoko who understands Sayaka's struggles so much that she outright tells people that Sayaka was never wrong — this is how Madoka protects Sayaka. Madoka would never want anyone to say any of the magical girls' wishes were wrong or foolish. It was how Sayaka also found her peace at the end of the show: to be understood and not viewed as an object that would eventually be replaced in the cycle of magical girls and Witches.
Madoka and Sayaka eventually learned how to protect each other. Sayaka doesn't need to suffer from her own overbearing expectations anymore, and Madoka can finally be something even more to protect her angel: A God.
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winepresswrath · 9 months
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I do gotta say tho, even tho I’m mad at aziraphale because he’s being a terrible boyfriend like what you said about the “I forgive you like” because WHAT. But also I really like the way the show really demonstrates the underlying cruelty of heaven and it’s angels. Really shows the hypocrisy of a group of beings who are supposed to do good, especially aziraphale who really buys into the heaven propaganda, who hurts people, particularly the person who means the most to him. Because like you said he fully just takes advantage of that devotion Crowley has for him. Insane, this shwo makes me INSANE
I missed this anon and yeah! The angels were one of my favourite parts of the season, and I think the strongest element aside from Neil Gaiman deciding he's just a simple man who wants to put his otp in situations. They are deeply awful and I kind of love them. They are the exact kind of moralizing hypocrites who are callous and cruel precisely because they think being on team good means everything they do is justified and it's actually impossible for them to be in the wrong (they're angels! is it even possible for them to do the wrong thing?).
but!! To me, they also seem like they're basically kids? Obviously they're not literally children, but there is this very consistent reoccurring joke about how childish/sheltered/immature they are. Muriel is the most obvious example, but the archangels come off like bratty twelve year olds to her sweet little kid.
Gabriel is basically teenager in love flipping off his family as he runs away with his backstreet guy. Uriel is constantly picking at Michael, Michael is playing at being in charge like it's a game, and it's ridiculously easy for both Aziraphale and Crowely to trick them obvious half assed lies. They're not allowed to ask questions! The Metatron treats them like badly behaved kids out past their curfew. At any point an old man with a beard may pop up to scold them and send them home, and they're all scared of doing something wrong by his standards and getting in trouble with this guy who is pointedly not God but who lines up exactly with the pop-culture idea of god the father, and who offers Aziraphale, among other things, a respite from the hard work of figuring out what the right thing to do is for himself. It's fine! You don't have to question the belief system you were born into or make a painful break with everything you've ever known! Aziraphale has had six thousand years on earth to grow up, but the other angels have been sitting in a sterile white box playing "i'm not touching you" games with each other and filing paperwork.
And I think that's extra interesting because this season also really emphasizes:
Heaven has Institutional Problems
Aziraphale isn't the only angel who's unhappy in heaven. Gabriel and Muriel were both completely miserable. They just didn't understand that they were unhappy because they'd never experienced anything else.
Angels who aren't Aziraphale can change and grow! There's very explicitly Gabriel being changed by love and Muriel growing up a bit on earth, and from a more fan-theory angle there's also Jimbriel, who I think is probably basically Gabriel minus the war and six thousand years of playing referee for Michael and Uriel while unleashing an assortment of plague and calamities on earth because that's God's will! Buck up champ.
We also get Gabriel and Beezelebub talking about how their underlings basically live for Armageddon, "if you can call that living." This is so bleak. They've all been on a six thousand year time out just dreaming of the day they get to beat the shit out of each other until they feel better, but it won't work because eternity is just more of the box.
Anyway I think it's going in a distinctly eden adjacent direction. Aziraphale is going to tempt those angels with knowledge and the capacity for change. I have veered so far from your ask anon i'm sorry you're right heaven really went all out on sucking this season & while Crowley and Aziraphale are both fucking it up Crowley refrains from being spectacularly cruel to Aziraphale about it and Aziraphale should learn to return the favour. I forgive you!! I forGIVE you. I forgive YOU. "you can be an angel again" is actually a worse thing to say than "you're a demon. i don't even like you." when he finally picks crowley over heaven i'm going to lose my mind.
#good omens spoilers#good omens season two spoilers#idk it makes me sad that i didn't like the humans very much this season because i think ideally they're central to this whole how to be#a person question i also hope we get to see more of hell next season because i do think they're stuck in basically the same place#with a different aesthetic! and the stick being#thrown into a torture pit instead of thrown into hell#or like. mindwiped and locked in an office for all eternity#gabriel broke my heart which is embarrassing but when he goes from not even understanding what music is to experiencing#the simple pleasure of sharing a song with someone for the very first time and almost immediately hits repeat for eternity... baby. baby bo#i would also like more crowley! this was very much the season of aziraphale#which is fine but i missed him yelling questions at god and the bits where it seemed he really wanted aziraphale's opinion instead of just#wanting aziraphale to develop better opinions#next season had better be crowley wrestles with the universe i am telling you!!!#remember three months ago when i was like eh... another good omens season#i bet it'll be cute but i'm content with my book#i don't go here i said strapping on my clown shoes#seriously though i do think crowley is scared to admit to wanting to be good both because god rejected him and he doesn't want#to be a sucker for her (he is only interested in being a sucker for aziraphale)#and like. chase after something he's barred from and has already been told isn't for him.#and that's why it's so hard for him to admit even to himself that he too would be unhappy ditching earth#in ways that parallel aziraphale's unwillingness to let go of heaven as a source of moral authority and goodness#but the way aziraphale goes oh no! i cannot trust my own judgement and desires. They are suspect!#my judgement is that crowley is good and also funny and sexy. my desires are for his company and also his body#therefore the source of these desires is also maybe bad. i mean he's a demon. he's got to be bad#right??? but no. but i saw him do a good thing. but maybe i didn't? I should probably take a stance on this.#and he makes this crowley's problem until the apocalypse but then the second he gets the chance to cram crowley and his feelings for him#back in a heaven approved box he jumps at it in a way that requires just being WILDLY insensitive and dismissive of crowley's feelings#he's not just being a dick about their relationship he is being a dick about crowley as a person. and he should know better but is choosing#not to because he wants the easy out so badly. anyway i love him he was my favourite character all season no notes#good omens
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running-in-the-dark · 2 months
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visited my mother again, this time only for an hour because I couldn't stand it any longer. she's so........ annoying (understatement of the fucking century)
everything is just miserable and awful and bad with her. I just wanted to give her some stuff because she's been trying painting recently and I had promised, but oh my god why does it always have to just be negative?? oh she's sooo bad at it and it's not fun and she doesn't understand the point if it's not for making money. just don't fucking do it then?? no one's forcing you!
which then obviously led to 'oh but you're so talented and you should make money from your art and blah blah blah'
yeah great I'll do that once I get over all the shit that she did that makes it so I can't even post my dumb art on here for like 5 people to see. great idea. fucking awesome.
she also decided she wants to be an influencer to make money :) that was a weird conversation.
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hopelesslovebug · 2 years
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Uh hi, could you draw Giorno and Fugo in masquerade style?
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sorry anon it's not colored but when you said masquerade my three braincells heat up at the spot
#also i'm tired#i like the designs and the idea i thought of..i will start working on it in the morning.i will also work on simplifying giorno's mask 'cuz#i made it way too complicated for noo reason at all. i also thought of like a quick plot#ok there is this masquerade (of course). i want you to imagine a fancier version of the mafia. the don invented almost all the mafia#into this masquerade with the promise that the one that would know his true identity will be the next don#but the catch that anyone getting way too close is probably going to be killed#weather diavolo doing it for shits and giggles or he is showing that he is truly worthy of the title don#is still up in debate in my mind. buccigang goes just because it's a fancy party (also because there is free food but shhhhhh)#giorno still didn't meet the buccigang yet in this au and he WILL become the new don#trish also still didn't meat the buccigang yet. she would go to one group to another dropping hints about her father identity#she really just wants him dead#she can't say his true identity out right or else she would be killed#and yeah#you know the most cliché murder mystery#it's just kyaaaaaa~ i love this plot since i was 6.i love it soo much. it makes me sad people don't do that often anymore#also put my fav kind of fugio. i mean yeah fugo fell but holy giorno is in a well#*fugo says the most strategic plan you could think of* gio:wow you're so smart darling can i kiss you now?#←didn't understand a single word from fugo#also i didn't say this but it's a masquerade no ones knows about the characters real identity#so they just go with there stands name.ok this is enough my mind is shutting down now#jjba#vento aureo#jjba part 5#pannacotta fugo#giorno giovanna#fugio#mine#my art#pt5
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my sister called me and kept asking excitedly that what's happening in my life and
#like life as in. i can't say love life but like you know what's happening with the guys and the girls#girl#and i was so tired#am so tired#i just made up an excuse that im too physically tired too talk to cut the call and told her id call her back but i won't#i want to okay i really do I want to hear about her life what's going on but she's not that type of person jinke saamne#i can just divert the topic from myself avoid talking about me she's determined and caring like that😭#just. kya batau main#i spent the whole day working but really if i stopped doing anything for like 2 minutes all the last convos i had with everyone i#liked loved whatever started replaying in my head constantly making me feel all down and sad in public yk that empty heaviness inside chest#i mean. what is there to say. i feel truly pathetic#everyone just keeps leaving me. they decide one day that oh nope she's not for me not interesting anymore doesn't understand is too much#draining and destroys my peace and then they leave#it doesn't even matter the weight of the relationship#whether it's been a year of being in love or two weeks of talking till 5 am or a week of wishing me good morning and good night#every day. it doesn't matter they leave and they leave and they leave and they don't look back and im left to pick up the pieces go on#pretend to be okay and normal and fucking focused on like. studying accounts as if my heart isn't breaking#into a million tiny pieces everytime#i don't know how to tell her. the sister you love so much the sister you can't live without imagine life without. the#sister who you thought about holding on for because you couldn't do that to her leave her alone when you had suicidal thoughts. she's#she's actually deeply unlovable undateable unfuckable and like truly lonely and easy to let go of#i know she loves me and i know my bestfriend loves me and she would fall apart if i wasn't there for her#but it's not enough. i really wish it was. but it's okay it's enough for now it's enough to keep me going it's enough to make me not wanna#die yk? like i don't love myself enough to live for myself get better for myself but they need me so i need to be okay be happy because i#need them to be happy. and they're happy when im happy#does that make sense#okay bye i should really start writing a diary
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thebleedingeffect · 1 month
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.
#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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both of my mom’s parents died when i was in middle school 2 years apart it was sad but all my mom’s family lives close by so like one of the worst parts of them dying was the selling of their home because it was the center of all family gatherings… but my dad’s mom literally lives 15 minutes away and all my dad’s siblings live out of state… so i spent a lot of my childhood with her and have the closest relationship with her of all her grandkids… (my sister being the second closest) with my other grandparents there really wasn’t a closest grandkid or at least i wasn’t it… my gramma is one of the closest relationships i have outside of my direct family (is that the term) and i always have a hard time dealing with my emotions and understanding feelings as an autistic person but this is really hard i cant process it and i don’t know how to and i guess i won’t really start until she passes in a few days but i just idk
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gatun-gatunesco · 9 months
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Fleabag
"People make mistakes... that is why they put a rubbers in the end of pencils"
#personal post#So i kind of forced myself to finish Fleabag season 1. Since the beginning i knew was not something i would see for pleasure#of course was very difficult as 1) i have become sex repulsed once again and 2) she is really fucked up. She needs a terapist#it was a recomendation from them and i knew i just see them in the character facing similar problems and similar way of thinking#the last episode hurts a lot and hurts me more after what happened between us. the decisions they made. the way it ended again#i know they wanted to talk about this. i shame myself once again as i was so late to do so. But yet again. i was right about my fears#about how i saw them reflected in her. how they were taking a similar bad road in life. how they mental illness was going to mess up all#after what happened with him. how they did not said anything. how they just give it all to please him and make a nice memory for him#after how they let him just go full gallop and basically let him use them in the most vulnerable moment so far...#i can only wish they learn. that they realize. that they finally could apply something from the life of another person. even if is fiction#after finishing this season. i can understand and let the anger that i had in me vanished just as fast as it came#but the sadness will remain. the event will remain. the need for me to stay away will remain. i can not help them anymore#it will only hurt me not being able to help. to feel powerless meanwhile i just see them going a downfall. mistake after mistake#i could not bear to see the person i cared the most being that fucked up and not try to help. but i already did that mistake. it finished u#my role as a caregiver is still so mixed within myself. as since my mistakes i would not force nor try anything without them doing it first#so. for them that are indecisive yet impulsive. that are people pleaser even when it hurt them deeply. naive with a gold heart#that want to be friends with all as they feel so lonely. Prisoners of they body and themselfs...#going that softly versus everyone else who is more assertive (even them in a impulsive moment) was not going to work just with words#but i can not do it in another way. i am more sensitive and delicate than one could guess just by looking at me. is not in my nature#forceful? nope. without caution? no. fast? no. i can not hold anger. i can not be unforgiving. Even when i always remember#i can still do damage. just not in a convetional way and is mostly involuntary. i am far from perfect but i am also far from terrible#i am a person who also had done mistakes. But being honest. excepting one i never did something so bad i could not forgive myself eventuall#and i say all this because even with all the pain that is forcing myself to stay away. i just hope they could find a healthy road again...#without the need to make more mistakes or do such things that they may not be able to fix or came back at all...#for them to not regret still being alive. to be happy in a good way without destroying themselfs#i just hope i can be able to see that one day. even if is just from far away and as a total stranger#because i like thing no one else would see and enjoy they beauty in they own unique way#vent post#vent tag#tw vent
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evansbby · 1 year
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I love the poyt series BUT PLS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KILL STEVE OR ANYTHNG LIKE I SERIOUSLY HATE HIM. AND NO AMOUNT OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT CAN SAVE HIM. LIKE I WAS SEETHING IN THE LAST CHAPTER OF HOW QUICKLY WE JUST FORGIVE HIM??? LIKE TF it's always like this i'm sick of reading stories where the man lead does shitty things and the female forgives him for the bare minimum. PLS MAKE YOUR EXCELLENT FIC DIFF THAN OTHERS AND MAKE THAT MAN MISERABLE AND GIVE US A HAPPY ENDING NOT WITH HIM!! Thanks!
Your opinion is completely valid and I’m glad your so invested in the fic but please do trust me!
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