#i like romance in my medias and also in real life god knows i am in love with love but

[nihiltism]

oh is feeling a looming sense of dread when you see a romantic subplot in the distance even if it's not a straight one not normal

[coco-loco-nut]

Book Club - Part 9

pairing: grid x reader

summary: you just got your wisdom teeth out, just in time for winter break fun with headcanons

a/n: thanks for the request, I missed the club❤️ ALSO! the original post just hit 1,500 notes??? like guys🥹 ilysm, you don’t even know. you are still reading my silly little writings, and i appreciate that more than you know. every like, comment, and reblog is the reason we are here 9 parts later (seriously you should see how happy i am when i see comments)

requests open masterlist

——————

- You didn’t tell anyone else on the grid other than Lance, obviously

- They were all surprised when it was announced that you were going to be missing Abu Dahbi

- Your oral surgeon only had that Wednesday free before Christmas

- …and let’s be real, your seat was secure, you weren’t going to win the WDC, and the constructors championship was locked in

- You would raise hell if you couldn’t enjoy the food around the holidays, so missing the last race it was

- You were exhausted from the season and appreciated the early break

- Lance just let it slip to the drivers on Friday a couple of hours after he got there

- You were sitting at home with Kimi, swollen and in pain all Friday

- “What do you mean she won’t be here? We have our presents for her” Fernando pouts

- Charles one day ships you cases of his gelato with a note telling you to feel better, he’s trying to get into the club for the gossip

- Lance gets invited to the club meeting to his surprise

- He assumes that they want to check in on you, despite them blowing up your phone

- No, he was VERY wrong

- Lance got roped into showing them videos of you on drugs

- Their favorite was the one of you when you first came out from being under

- “I’m married? Oh my god, I married Nico Hülkenberg? This is the best day of my life”

- You were sobbing tears of joy

- Nico was sent the video immediately, you gave him permission via text to post it the next day

- The second favorite was your favorite to laugh at

- You went on a massive rant about how Susie Wolff is a MILF and how you hoped Toto could fight because the female driver was your woman crush and you WILL have her

- Susie loved the video (George and Lewis sent it in the Mercedes family gc), Toto… not as much but he was amused

- You got a lot of fussing drivers on Facetime during the meeting

- You were loopy af from the painkillers and general exhaustion during it, it wasn’t your fault they called you late

- Kimi forced them to shut up and hang up so you could sleep

- Carlos joked about being relieved that there wasn’t another race for you to follow his trend during an interview

- You won the first race the next year

- Your phone started blowing up with messages on social media wishing you a quick recovery

- Most of the book club showed up to your home after Abu Dahbi, wanting to make a quick stop to check in before the break

- “Hello, wife,” Nico greets you when he sees you

- You joked you were about to file for divorce from Lance, who just sighed and went to get you a carton of LEC

- You had to film you opening your secret santa gift and send it to the F1 social team

- You got a quilt blanket that had a square for each book you read with the club since it started

- You actually started sobbing (you blamed the meds, even if you were actually crying)

- Lewis got the biggest hug ever, he enlisted help from Valtteri for all the books

- You forced them to cut the parts of you crying out of the video

- You got Logan an old iPod full of popular music (you hacked into his phone to check the genres he liked) from his childhood and now

- Obviously you added headphones and a couple chargers

- Logan used it all the time, he called you immediately to thank you

- You had the honors of choosing the first book over winter break

- You chose an F1 romance novel

- Boy oh boy were those meetings fun, just tearing up the book for its inaccuracy

- Daniel vowed to write an accurate one and sell it

- Spoiler Alert: he never did

- But Fernando did

- It was an international bestseller

[benisasoftboi]

I am so happy with the conclusion of BBC Ghosts.

There were so many things I loved about the final series that I can't even keep it all straight in my brain, I'll have to rewatch it all (and the Christmas special, of course! Must remember it's the not the true end yet!)

But something I can immediately say I loved was what they didn't do. See, that line in the trailer that turned out to be from episode 5 - about there being a pattern to when they move on - worried me. One of the best things about the show, to me, is how there truly is not any reason at all to why the ghosts are there, or when they go. It's something the creators have said over and over, and that the show has always backed up; we saw so many times that, unlike in most ghost media, addressing unfinished business or achieving emotional resolution changes absolutely nothing. Pat hit some sort of emotional resolution three times. And Julian realised the importance of family, and Robin saved someone’s life, and Thomas discovered the truth of his death, and so on and so on. Finding closure isn't the end, and equally, the end isn't predicated by a climatic conclusion. It just happens. And the same is true for why people become ghosts. It just happens. And you exist, and fill your days, and then you’re gone. And no one knows why.

It's kind of the most agnostic television show I've ever seen.

I love that. Every other afterlife show I've ever seen has some kind of reward and punishment system. Or at least says that there's a reason for things, some kind of higher power at play, not necessarily a god but something like it. Even the American adaptation felt the need to bring Hell into it, which is why I need to specify that I'm only talking about the British version here. And I feel like a lot of fans wanted there to be reasons too, or felt like there simply had to be, that it wasn't even a question. I get why - it's not just because it's the standard for ghost narratives. It's really uncomfortable to think about the randomness of life and death. But Mary didn't go because of anything that happened before that day, and Cap was never going to go because he came out, and one day, when they've all gone, there won't have been a reason for it.

Because the real point of BBC Ghosts is that there is no point. You’ve just got to make it through the days, surrounded by people that irritate you, trapped in a confusing world where you’re mostly powerless. And it sucks, and you're angry, and sad, and bored as hell. And you also find happiness in the mundane chaos, and you get really good at chess, and watch the ants in the garden, and write bad poetry, and read terrible romance novels, and gamble money you don't have, and go camping, and play games, and learn French, and watch reality TV, and have sex with a decapitated Tudor nobleman’s body, and dance to old music, and look at the stars, and find that you actually really love all those annoying people after all, and that’s the point.

[genericpuff]

So, I want to confess something. I believe I speak for everyone when I say that the SA in LO is not only poorly written but very mishandled and was unnecessary. I want to point out I am not a SA victim, so I can not say with experience how well the deception was. Though I do know people in real life that were victims, I also don’t want to disclose their stories either. But, here’s the thing. I personally don’t mind SA in the media, if it is handled with care and they portray it as a serious issue!

The problem I have with most media is that shows and stories will either use SA as A. A plot device for romance development. B. Shock value or C. A joke. So many media I’ve watched use SA as any of the three categories (13 Reasons Why and content from Vivziepop being a few that I can think of off the top of my head). The only show I can think of that actually portrays SA seriously and shows real life impact is Tuca and Bride. I also think it’s pretty hypocritical that the media will use SA as long as they fall into any of the three categories, but when you want to show the negative effects of it like in Moral Orel, suddenly you get canceled! Again, Hypocrites! I also don’t think first time writers should write this kind of stuff, and Rachel is no exception. You can tell she didn’t know what she was doing, based on how little importance the SA has on the plot or how it falls into said categories as well. (and the rumors that she didn’t even know it was SA doesn’t help).

Now, that being said I don’t think a SA plot line was a bad idea for this kind of story. Again, the original myth was “The abduction of Persephone” and in some versions, Hades did force himself onto Persephone. And considering Ancient Greece was rife with many stories of such heavy topics, I can see why they would include that. My personal issue with LO’s SA plotline… is Apollo! First of all, while Apollo may have had some questionable relationships in his myths, he never really forced himself on anyone. In fact, the most famous story of him chasing Daphne was only because he was under the influence of Eros, meaning Apollo had no agency in loving Daphne. Second, Apollo had nothing to do with Persephone. They never interacted in any myths. Sure, there was one myth where Apollo asked Demeter for her daughter’s hand and Demeter rejected, but that’s it. The two never had any relationship. So it makes the plot line even more convoluted because of their lack of historical and mythical connection. Though, I do admit I kind of like Apollo and Persephone as a couple (In Rekindled not Lore Olympus), but I know they don’t get together.

Honestly, if Rachel really wanted to do a SA story that would prop up Hades without demonizing anyone, she could have done that! By making Persephone’s assaulter be Zeus instead of Apollo! Hear me out, in some stories, Zeus actually disguised himself as Hades and slept with Persephone, thus it resulted in Zagerus. So, it is canon in a sense that Zeus did SA Persephone. Not only that, but given he had a role to play in the “Abduction of Persephone” where he sold his daughter off to Hades, this makes him even more impactful to the story. He could be the villain instead of Demeter, who wants to use Persephone. And considering Zeus’s love affairs and his god complex (no pun intended) he would believe he was entitled to Persephone and would want to have her as a secret concubine.

Maybe Zeus would be able to learn more about Persephone through Hera and he would decide to set his sights on her. He could try and get closer to her as she is naive and never met the King of Gods, and would use her trust to pounce on her (Because in SA cases, your attacker is more likely to be someone close to you rather than a stranger.) And maybe Zeus would blackmail Persephone so she would have to keep seeing him or else get kicked out of school and be a disgrace to her mother. Then, you could have Hades find out and he would rage against Zeus. Maybe Hades would get Demeter involved and they would team up to punish the King all for the sake of protecting Persephone. Hades would suggest making Persephone his queen for protection, and Demeter would make the world grow cold unless Zeus complies, thus explaining Winter. Zeus would agree to give Persephone to Hades, and she will be under Hades’s protection. But Persephone would still want to be with her mother, so Demeter and Hades make custody arrangements.

Bam! A SA plot line that A. Actually adds to the story and raises stakes. B. Makes a terrifying but complex villain for the story that we all can hate without assassinating his character. C. Have Hades and Demeter come out on top. D. Be historical and mythologically accurate. (I’m also not saying that I wanted SA in LO or LR, nor do I think this version would have made it better, but I personally believe this plot line makes way more sense than: Apollo meeting Persephone in one day and SA her in her sleep.)

I agree with a lot of this, thank you for sharing!! (sorry this is a late response, I didn't want this big analysis to go to waste fdjasklfdsajlk)

But yeah, in essence / on paper the SA plotline in LO would have been fine, especially considering SA is present in just about every Greek myth story, but I don't think Rachel was really cut out to tackle that subject yet, mostly as a writer as all of her writing is very baseless and doesn't have the necessary planning, research, and direction required to depict a subject like that. It takes a lot of sensitivity, self-awareness, and self control, none of which LO has as a narrative or Rachel as a writer.

IMO Apollo being the god of the sun made for a great springboard for him to be like, this self-centered god who was so delusional in his own ego that he couldn't believe Persephone wouldn't want him, that alone was enough to make him out to be a great villain - even with the use of SA, where he couldn't take no for an answer - but then we had to get into the whole "Apollo is gonna use Persephone to overthrow Zeus" crap and it all fell apart from there. Not to mention the story could never decide if Apollo was some nefarious puppet master or just a delusional dumbass, so all the flip-flopping on his motivations led to him becoming a very weak villain.

That said, I will cut her some slack for not having Zeus assault her. Because while it's more accurate to the myths (and character accurate) the story could barely handle Apollo and he's the canon Good Boytm in the myths, imagine it trying to handle an actual serial assaulter?

But that's not me saying it's necessarily a bad idea. I just don't think LO would be able to handle it with Rachel at the helm lol

[growling]

due to being both aromantic and aplatonic i feel pretty "eh" to both concepts of friendships and relationships/couples in media (and in real life too but i'm more. discreet about it) which makes interacting with fandom works and such.. pretty frustrating at times

im more averse to romance in real life than in fiction ill have to admit, like, most ships i don't mind. im still more able to engage in shipping in my free time, but that might be because, like, when i ship characters i don't really... do it in a romantic sense i just mash them together, i like deeper bonds/relations/connections like that, and "ship" is a pretty easy term to apply to it as and kinda accurate, i don't know, hard to explain. but when theyre depicted to do traditionally romantic things together or just put emphasis on looooove and go all dovey-eyes in fanart then i must leave. i had enough i have assessed the situation and im leaving

but. i also don't like friendships in fanworks. which sucks so much because this is what, like, most other people that don't like romance gravitate to too!! and they put.. so much, like, moral stuff into liking it too like, saying that if you dont appreciate platonic relationships enough then that means allonormativity rotted your brain or something. many other aro & non-aplatonic people just go "romantic ships are so overdone so heres more art and works where characters are just allowed to stay friends, maybe even friendships are just superior anyway" and like i am happy for you don't get me wrong go enjoy what you like but.... friendships just always make me go "ewww". and unfortunately i cannot just choose not to see it either, platonic relationships are never tagged or anything except on ao3 or something. a lot of media/content (god i hate that term for fanworks..) by aros for aros just focuses on platonic love & relationships instead and sorry i cannot relate and the growler feels a bit alienated. not many people even know that aplatonic people exist anyway and if they do then they dont have the best opinion of us.

so like, god i hate clarifying this i feel like it goes without saying but whatever i don't want to get accused of hurting peoples feelings by saying this: i am not saying to stop making fanfics of platonic relationships or that if you like friends in fiction then i think ur lame or something. im just saying that this is one part of fandom i just, cannot really like. not just fandom either. friendships are everywhere i swear and there is no way for me to avoid those either, and if i ever voice that it repulses me, i get treated like a freak even by spaces that are supposedly aroace & sex/romance-repulsed friendly and yeah it kinda sucks .

anyway friendships are overrated i don't want friends i want evil advisors, loyal goons and homoerotic rivals and fucked up hero-villain and whumper-whumpee pairs and even more fucked up guys with their fates forever entwined and bonded for life close in the way rats tied at their tails are even as they desperately pull and scratch and bite to get away is that too much to ask

[leeknowsintrusivethots]

Marked By Him

Part 1 | ?????

Pairings: Lee Know(SKZ)/OC, Secretssssss here

Summary: Vampyres dominate the entertainment world with their otherworldly beauty and talent. It's a world you must be born into, but a few lucky ones are Marked. Stripped from her home and everything she knows, Minji's Marking means that she has to rely on the Devil himself, Lee Minho, to be her mentor. He's cute and sweet to the public, but behind closed doors the monster comes out to play.

Content: Angst, slow burn romance, lotsa plot, eventual smut, vampires, darkish romance, original characters, first person perspective, general 18+ content, asshole Lee Know, alternate idol universe, love triangle (Surprise), pet names: kitten/mouse

WC: 2,208

Minors do NOT interact. Do NOT repost my work in anyway. This includes translations or sharing to sites such as Wattpad or Ao3.

Notes: I have risen from the dead through the power of Stray Kids. This one is intended to be a long form story, probably around 20 parts or so or until it reaches a natural end. Individual parts will be labeled as smut and smut warnings will be included for future parts. Ngl, it's mostly wish fulfillment and because not many people seem to write longer SKZ content. Enjoy, my dirty dirty friends.

"He will meet you in Conference Room Number Zero."

I waited for his arrival with anticipation creating a knot in the pit of my stomach. Not even meeting the CEO of JYP Entertainment had caused such nerves to take root. This was the person I would be spending most of my time with - the one who would integrate me into my new life. He would be my mentor and teacher. I could only guess at what kind of person he would be.

Would he be kind? Smart? As ethereal and graceful as they usually are?

They were known for their cold beauty - so chilling and unreal that it haunted people as well as it enamored them. I am sure, just like humans, they varied but every single one that graced the media was the image of physical perfection. They were Gods come to life amongst mortals. If even the average ones were half as good looking, they still had to be pretty damn exceptional compared to humans.

And so I waited.

The dusty, peculiarly ancient looking grandfather clock chimed in the corner of the room. It didn't fit the image JYP was associated with: a sleek and modern entertainment company that housed some of the brightest talents in Korea. As a matter of fact, the entire 'conference room' felt out of place compared to the rest of the building. The modernity of the outside was forgotten in the confines of the four walls that surrounded me.

The wallpaper was reminiscent of an ancient mansion: a dark royal blue with silver feligreses interspersed through the length. All of the windows in the building were tinted darkly to ward off paparazzi but also natural light, but the windows in this room were completely covered. The only light source came from elegant sconces that dotted the walls and an antique lamp that sat in on the corner of the desk I was seated at. The rest of the room was filled with shelves of books and peculiar looking items that my frazzled brain refused to make sense of.

All I could do was marvel at where life had taken me: at how I was going from ordinary to extraordinary.

The doorknob twisting had me sitting up straighter in my seat and my eyes widening in alert. I held my breath as the door disengaged and opened. It felt like life had gone into slow motion as he entered. As I took in my mentor, the world stopped as my heart sped up and heat rose in my cheeks.

He was beautiful. He had sharp facial features that only God himself could have chiseled: perfectly pouty lips that would put most human women to shame, large dark eyes that captured the soul at a glance, perfectly styled black hair that looked so thick and soft I wanted to run my hands through it just to see if it was real, and clear skin without a single blemish. He could have been a painting, a true work of art.

And even more insane: I knew who he was.

I watched music videos with him in them. I bought his group's albums at every release. I had posters of him on my bedroom walls back in Busan. I had spent countless hours of my youth being a dedicated fan.

"Minji?" Lee Minho questioned with a raised brow.

I was so enraptured I hadn't even noticed the door shut. I hadn't even noticed that he had crossed the room to stand behind the chair opposite of me. I had also completely forgotten my manners. I pushed back from my chair in a haste and stood up. I bowed deeply, partly out of how much respect I had for him but also as an apology for forgetting myself.

"Hello. I am Minji," I greeted formally.

He nodded with an air of boredom about him in return before taking the seat he was behind. Even the way he sat was gracefully beautiful. The man could burn whole cities and he would be forgiven based on his looks alone.

"Sit," he commanded simply. I did as I was told and resumed my seat immediately. I couldn't help but to study his features further, committing them to memory to paint later. His sharp jaw, his soft looking mouth, and his eyes. Eyes that were staring at me with something scarily remicent of disdain under a dark cocked brow.

Suddenly, I felt inferior. I felt unworthy to look at him so blatantly. Who was I to stare at someone like him? My eyes fell to the table before me in something akin to shame.

"I am assuming the Tracker gave you all the usual information pamphlets?" he asked in a bored tone. I got the impression he wanted to be anywhere other than in that room with me. It hurt that the man I idolized seemed to be so disinterested in me, but what did I expect? He had millions of fans all over the world.

"Yes," I answered as steadily as I could. I heard him rustling through papers and waited as patiently as I could for him to offer more information or even ask something else, but he didn't. I only willed myself to glance up at the loud thud of something being dropped onto the desk in front of me. It was a large book - a textbook. It was eerily new and modern compared to the rest of the contents in the room. The title was simply "Marked."

"This book has been approved by the Association to help guide you into your new life," he said with a small but beautiful chuckle at the end as if he found the book amusing more than anything. "You will finish a chapter every two days in-between normal idol training."

"I- I can do that," I stuttered when he paused as if waiting for a response.

"Good girl," he almost scoffed in mockery at my answer. My cheeks heated again and strangely a small tingle made itself known between my legs at the insincere praise. I did my best to ignore it. When he didn't continue, I chanced a glance up at him to find him smirking in amusement before he continued. "After each chapter, we will meet here for any questions and to review what you have learned."

He paused again, and I nodded to show I understood without daring another look at him. I was never a loud or overly confident person, I was simply quiet. That didn't mean I was a doormat, until Lee Minho walked through the door. I was fairly certain at that moment I was wearing a shirt inviting him to step on me.

"I was told to make myself available to you for further questions and help in between meetings," he continued. I heard a rustling as he stood from his chair. I refused to look up even as his shoes appeared in my peripheral. I could feel his presence next to me like a reaper come to take my life, but the normal feeling of body heat was absent. A cold hand pushed the long loose hair back from my shoulder, exposing the bare column of my neck to the chill of him and the room. I involuntarily shuddered.

"You won't have any questions or need any help, will you?" he asked with a faux saccharine in his voice that somehow chilled me to my core. The blood in my veins had turned to ice as my heart pumped harder to compensate. My words stuck in my throat as a strange panic set in.

I knew they were dangerous. I knew they could hurt me, but this was Lee Minho - Lee Know of Stray Kids. He was the weird but sweet one who showed his affection by spanking his fellow members. He was not the kind of person who discreetly threatened strangers, but I felt like that's exactly what he was doing.

"Answer me, Mouse," he all but demanded with the fake sweetness fading and the chill boredom returning to his voice.

Insanity comes in all forms and from all places. Sometimes it's as simple as someone making a noise that gets on your nerves that makes you snap. In my case: I had traveled to a whole new city on my own and uprooted my life in a move that was not of my choosing. I was alone. I was scared. I was changing into something I couldn't even begin to comprehend in a world I had only read about, and the man I had considered to be my ultimate kpop bias was threatening me and treating me like a burden. The actual audacity.

My head snapped up and my eyes found his. I stared at him with a newfound sense of annoyance. I didn't ask for this - I wasn't even sure if I wanted it. How could he treat me so badly when he was fully aware of the situation?

"My name is Minji," I snapped with as much force in my voice as I could muster. "If we are to be forced into this situation together, at least call me by my proper name."

I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting him to give a dark chuckle and his eyes to fill with - amusement? I also wasn't expecting long elegant fingers to reach up and take hold of my chin in a firm grip. His touch was cold. Despite my efforts to keep it from affecting me, it shot sparks of heat through my entire body in contrast to his temperature.

"Maybe not a mouse, then. A kitten with little ineffective claws," he mused. He held my gaze as he taunted me, keeping his hold firm on my chin. His face came closer and my delusional heart pounded out an encore. His soft lips were right there, just mere inches from my own. I could feel his cool breath on my cheek as he moved to my ear. His next words tickled my skin and had me shivering again. "Careful, Kitten. I like the feisty ones."

Insanity gripped me again. It was madness, pure and simple. I was taunting not a God like I thought, but the devil himself. I was starting to see that, but I did it anyway. "I'm sure they don't feel the same way. Cats are very good judges of character."

A sharp inhale against the side of my face followed a light chuckle as he pulled back to hold my gaze captured yet again. The amusement was still present, boredom all but gone, but it was mixed with something else - something darker, scarier.

"Word of advice kitten," he started. His cool hand released its grip on my chin to trail up my jaw and to the center of my forehead. "This Mark doesn't mean shit. You will never really be one of us - just an imitation - and no one here will praise you for it. It's a target, and you will be surrounded by predators."

"Why?" His words chilled me, actually had me fighting the impulse to shake in my seat, but the confusion weighed out. I didn't understand this world - I didn't understand them.

"Don't ask questions, Kitten, and maybe I'll take care of you if I decide it's worth it." For just a brief moment, his eyes glanced down at my lips. My silly heart almost couldn't take it, but I persevered.

"But-"

"No," he stated firmly. His hand had fallen back to my chin, and his thumb brushed against my lower lip almost accidentally. My breath hitched. "Listen and behave, Kitten. That Mark already draws attention, don't make it worse by being a brat."

With that, his cool presence was gone. He moved away so fast that I blinked and he was across the room at the door with his sinful fingers wrapped around the door handle. He didn't turn back as he spoke again. "A car is waiting at the front of the building. It will take you to the dorms. Welcome to hell, Kitten."

His words, combined with the entirety of the events that had just transpired, were the icy wake up call I needed. I had been Marked. I was entering a new plane of existence I knew hardly anything about, but I was already learning. It was dangerous. It was not at all like the media and the Association wanted the world to believe. They had painted the things that go bump in the night to be beautiful but perfectly normal parts of society - but the painting was beginning to turn red for me and it was only day one.

An antique mirror wedged between two bookshelves caught my eye. I vacated my seat and went to stand before it. The girl in the mirror was familiar. Long, dark hair, a light complexion with a smattering of freckles across the nose bridge. It was me, yet it wasn't. The mark stood in stark contrast against my skin. It was a dark purple outline in the shape of a crescent moon. It was a sign that I was changing. It was a sign I was becoming one of them.

I was becoming a Vampyre.

[onehopefuldreamer]

Why I can't help but always romance Persephone in Stray Gods

1 - Prickly on the outside, soft on the inside personality trope

This is probably the biggest reason because it's also probably my most favourite personality type of all when it comes to fictional characters. I am so very weak for ladies who kick ass and look scary but are secretly huge sweethearts. And Persephone is this trope to a T. Sure, she's big and scary, no one can deny that. But she can also be so sweet. She helped Calliope when she left Olympus, she saved Chastity from her abusive husband, she takes to mentoring/helping Grace so quickly, she is happy to help Medusa if Grace offers her help and even goes as far as admitting that this help was long overdue (something Apollo never does by the way). These are just some instances we become privy to during the game.

I'm absolutely sure there are more times when she was secretly kind, especially to people who needed help but had no one in their corner. Because while her personal philosophy is that no one else can help you keep your head afloat (born out of her own experiences no doubt) she's shown to actively be giving advice to and helping Grace as well as genuinely worrying about her safety and doing what she can to keep her safe. She's also obviously remorseful for not having been able to exact the change Calliope wanted so badly after becoming part of the Chorus and sympathetic about Freddie's fate. She cares and she cares deeply. She simply does her best not to show it because experience has taught her that others don't tolerate her being weak or deign to offer her sympathy no matter how dire the situation she is in. This naturally leads to:

2 - A character who is all alone and without a supportive system but refuses to give up

This is sort of a subsection of the prickly on the outside, soft on the inside trope, I know, but I cannot help but love characters who have had a traumatizing past and been forced to deal with it on their own. I always, ALWAYS want to be in their corner and if they happen to be ladies I never fail to fall in love with them. I find it absolutely amazing that anyone can preserve their integrity and remain kind after being hurt so badly both in fiction and in real life if I'm honest. To me these are the real heroes - people who have been hurt but refuse to let that hurt turn them into monsters. If there is a character like that in any media I partake in, no other characters stand a chance. Not really.

3 - Mary Elizabeth McGlynn's voice

In reality this is actually pretty much tied with numbers 1 and 2 but I had to keep some semblance of order so here we go.

I am very much someone who has always and forever been weak for beautiful voices. And out of the whole VA cast giving life to the LIs it's Mary Elizabeth McGlynn's voice that never fails to make me swoon or give me chills. She's so very good at what she does this woman. Her delivery is flawless both when it comes to her spoken and sung lines. I can physically feel Persephone's pain when she asks Grace "Please, don't do this." as well as her anger and bitterness when she sings "I gutted a god." or says "The only god I killed deserved it." for example. This adds so much to the character for me, you have no idea. I cannot honestly say if I'd have loved Persephone so much if she had been voiced by a different actress. But the combination between tropes I love and her sublime voice created a perfect storm so now no one can even compete with Persephone. Not even Freddie. And I love Freddie. She's just not Persephone. I'm sorry.

4 - Persephone's design

I love Persephone's design so damn much! I can't decide what I love most - her badass haircut, her cool tattoos, her slightly weird but somehow totally working for her outfit, her make-up that suits her perfectly, the colour of her hair and eyes or her androgynous look. Everything comes together flawlessly and creates one total and extremely gorgeous package. I don't know who worked on her design, but bless them, they really knew what they were doing.

The amount of screenshots of Persephone I have is obscene and I keep taking more because I simply cannot get enough of how stunning she is. Even when I was replaying to romance Freddie, Apollo and Pan I still kept taking screenshots of Persephone and being distracted whenever she was in the frame because her look is just so... I am running out of adjectives meaning "beautiful" here... Let's go with alluring.

The way she looks just does things to me I can't even begin to describe. I might be ace but even I can tell when someone is objectively hot and Persephone is scorching. Aesthetic attraction is huge for me and I guess her looks hit all the right buttons because I can't help staring at her and going "Wow!" pretty much all the time. Basically this screenshot of Grace is me every time I look at Persephone:

And speaking of that, one thing I have found I am particularly weak for when it comes to her design is the way she looks when she's drawn in profile. I don't know what exactly it is about her profile but I just melt every time I see it. It really did not help that this was part of her introduction to us in game:

How was I expected to pay attention to anyone else after that?!

I have a whole collection of screenshots of Persephone in profile that I should post alongside this to reinforce my point but again - the way she looks does something to me and I apologize to everyone else but I cannot possibly pay any attention to them when I have this in front of me. I'm only human...

[autisticempathydaemon]

Alas, I have sent in a very long anon so I apologize ahead of time. But I hope these help with the pairing lol *** What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why? Sabrina Carpenter- Espresso. Such a good summer song.

What is your Enneagram type? I think type 6? I don't really understand them that much

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why? Not really? I used to be really into them but I haven't been watching much youtube lately. Attention span go brrr. Someone would have to sit with me for me to be able to concentrate.

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend. Didn't have one as far as I remember. But I attempted cause I thought it was the normal thing to do.

What is your go-to way to fall asleep? Shutting my eyes and maladaptive daydreaming to sleep.

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?) I quite like my real name. I feel it suits me surprisingly well so I wouldn't change my name. Maybe add a middle name though.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why? Oh boy, hm. I think my favorite would have to be Hush at the moment, but I also really enjoy Elliott's videos.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.) I think they all have their merits honestly. If he were still present, I would say Marcus cause he always weirded me out a bit, but if I had to pick a current one? I'd say caller dude. I don't understand but I respect game lol

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to. The Untamed. I watched it so many times it's ridiculous. I also read Manhwas/Manga a lot so there are many of those I know like the back of my hand.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend? Hmmmm. I think I would love to be friends with David and Asher. They seem like a riot together. I only don't add Milo here because he makes me blush so I'd fold for him too easily.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

PFFFT. I do. Music and stories I want to write but can't find the right medium to get it done. Real-life people know I never speak about my creative stuff but don't know about my online life as far as I know, so it's comical to them to hear how many stories are up in my brain at once.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

Pass, I don't drive and rarely go to gas stations. But I'd say if I had to, the places I go often have great slushies/slurpees

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 

Random on my phone or spotify because I can't be bothered to find actual playlists 😅

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Romance novels/manhwa/mangas. God I love seeing people love each other, especially if it starts off bumpy. But if it ever happened in real life I'd be so confused and not know what to do lol. Also, I would probably turn as red as an apple if someone found out about it without me telling them.

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

I indulge in a lot of creative stuff, but I am also slightly sickly so my patience with myself is less than I would give other people in the same position as me. I'm attempting to remedy that but it's difficult to give grace to yourself sometimes (ˉ▽ˉ；)...

The way you describe yourself as easily flustered and blush-y makes me want to pair you with someone who’ll push those buttons, I’ve got to admit- Vincent, specifically.

I like his flirty, Edward Cullen-esque facade and the dorkier, tenderer interior for you, you know what I mean? Like, he’d flirt and poke fun and smolder as he does, but I think he’d have a good sense of when to stop, when you’ve had too much. I also like him for you as Type Six, the enneagram that desires security, reliability, someone steadfast. Vincent, that blessed simp of a man, is an emotionally dependable, loyal lover on top of being a sap and romantic which works well since you also strike me as a romantic.

Your life together is very fun- as fun as constant, light teasing from Vincent can be. He loves a lot of the same things you do, like manga and danmei. (My Vincent is Chinese, as is William, so he’s especially attached to danmei and historical dramas.) He loves peeking over your shoulders, reading the dialogue in a smooth, smoldering voice and then kissing your cheeks when he makes them glow. He’s a little stinker that way, but Vincent definitely knows to be more genuine and sincere when you share your creative work with him. He’s incredibly supportive, buying you whatever tools and/or instruments you might need until you find the medium you like best.

Song:

The hungry heart, the roving eye/ Have come to rest, do not apply/ The frantic chase, the crazy ride/ The thrill has gone, I step aside/ And I'd believe in anything were it not for you/ Showing me by just existing only this is true/ I love you, I love you without question, I love you

As an 80’s kid, Elton John (and the Road to El Dorado soundtrack as well) feel like a good pick for him, you know? Very classic, timely, nostalgic. I like it for y’all specifically because of the vibes, because it reminds me of this lover that lived this crazy existence, lived hard and fast without knowing what it was all for, until they met the person who it was all for, until Vincent met you.

Runner-ups:

In that same vein of thought, Gavin is a strong, cute contender though I don’t think he would have quite as much of a grasp on your comfort levels and moods like Vincent would. In the opposite vein, the other arm if you will, I like Morgan for you. He’d be a good match for a Type Six, and his vibes just suit you; it’s hard to explain why.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[cometrose]

Exactly the only thing different is the genders, if they were reversed everyone would be on his side like you said we've seen this story a 100 times, not that there isn't a lot of misogyny in fandom spaces like all spaces and dramas still have room for improvement when it comes to female characters in general but the way fandom has changed these last few years is just crazy, no nuance no complexity nothing interesting just perfect characters or they will get eaten alive and when it comes to romance, all they want is endlessly devoted men the women and their actions don't even factor into it it's all omg he's such a green flag and she fell first he fell harder we've completely lost the ability to engage with media, everything becomes morality discourse for fake people. I don't remember how they phrased it but someone said the way these people engage with media is because the only activism they know is online they haven't done anything in real life which is why they think fictional characters and their actions are tantamount to what real people believe...

ooh this is such a good point and I agree truly.

Bullied by in-laws? Ignored by spouse? In any other story people would be rallying for HW to get on the quickest flight out of there (I mean I was lol)

There is still a lot of misogyny within fandoms and dramas themselves so I always try to be thoughtful when discussing female characters but god you're so right. We just want perfection from these characters all the time and some many people just want perfect tropes perfect characters and perfect stories all the time its exhausting.

I am repeating myself but I do like how they aren't hopelessly devoted to each other all the time. I've watched two dramas this year, Marry My Husband and Perfect Marriage Revenge, and both male leads are knee-on-the-ground, would do anything for their respective female leads and while i do like those boys I also don't mind a male lead that has contradictory emotions for his partner.

Like the biggest thing here is nuance, the truth is obvious from the beginning that Hyunwoo clearly loves Haein he has just buried that feeling under all this frustration and resentment that he can no longer recognize it. These people don't have perfectly good feelings or behaviors towards each other and I think that's fine.

Plus this is a story about an estranged married couple like how would there be drama if they were perfectly perfect partners to each other all the time? Even though they may love each other that love isn't enough to be a happy couple. Haein says that she did not write Hyunwoo in the will because she wished to marry him as soon as possible and had to get through her mother first essentially leaving him high and dry but they were so in love it didn't matter. Like noooo these complexities are interesting plus it is so common for spouses to grow to hate each other and seeing there relationship grounded in some aspect of reality is a fresh change. I welcome it.

Don't get me started on morality politics on social media, the first two eps dropped I went on twitter saw one discussion tweet and knew I couldn't stay there it would drive me crazy. People are always trying to idolize someone these days, to find some perfect thing or unproblematic item to worship unconditionally instead of just accepting some things are fundamentally flawed and discussing their strengths and weaknesses.

[arcplaysgames]

P3P and P4G done, lets play P5R

Alright, lets at least get started.

Just in case you're new, hello. My name is Archie, and I have now played Persona 3 Portable and Persona 4 Golden. My liveblog continues.

My liveblogs are mostly fast recaps of the story with a lot of conjecture and guesses and long diatribes about the veracity of Persona's cartomancy choices. For all the games but P5R specifically, I know pretty much blithering fuckall about the plot and characters, so I enjoy trying to guess what's going to happen and pick up on foreshadowing (and sometimes whine about lack of foreshadowing, looking at you ending to P4G).

In P3P I romanced Akihiko but my life partner was Junpei. In P4G, I played a raging homogay so I didn't get to kiss anybody but harbored one HELL of a crush on Kanji.

Now, we start P5R. /rubs hands together

SO UH GAME IS A BIT ODD FROM WORD GO HUH. Hitting new games starts one of those "this story is a work of fiction disclaimers" but it's narrated very purposefully, refers to "[our] world" and demands I sign my agreement as a contract.

Could be nothing, just a bit of flavor, but this is the first of the games I have played to tap on the fourth wall in this way. Also, the text being blue brings to mind the dude who like set up the Velvet Room who you don't really see in the modern Persona games, which is... Philapome? Or something.

Starting in medias res with what I would say is an overload of information.

Casino heist! With shadows and persona hanging around! And... the weird thing is that it seems to be in the real world??? But our protagonist guy has the power of persona in the real world. Which we haven't seen yet in 3 and 4. Persona abilities was relegated to the TV World and the Dark Hour.

Also, WEIRDLY, this guy is a thief? Like Sly Cooper running along the lights and fixtures, using a grappling hook, the whole shebang.

It sure ain't Tartarus, that's for sure. And we have a bunch of shadowy characters talking over the comms.

GONNA BE REAL this whole intro sequence is a lot? We fight some persona (in the real world??????).

Get a helping hand from some lady with a sword?????

Jump out of a stained glass window with some Cowboy Bebop vibes goin' on.

Aaaaand get fuckin got by a LOT of cops. Oh my god that's so many cops. And we were set up.

A cop beats the shit out of our protag and repeats that immortal recurring line. Well, taking responsibility for their actions killed Reverie 3 while Reverie 4 survived, so we'll see how this one goes.

There was only one option. Reverie Vantas returns.

And we're in a framing device! Sup, Cassandra I mean Sae Nijima. But yeah, this has some Dragon Age vibes to be certain. Sae apparently knows Reverie, but was not expecting to see him, and seems sympathetic but Cop-y about wanting some answers.

I am still concerned about the use of Persona in the real world, that has me very concerned, given how P3 and P4 ended.

Are they bringing back the meaningful butterfly of Palermo or whatever?

Okay Reverie's backstory is laid out:

Dude tried to help some lady who was getting roughed up, but the rougher got injured in the process so Reverie has been expelled and now is facing a criminal record. Which, in Japan? OOF. Not great. Not good. Also, can you have a criminal record as an adolescent in Japan? That's really rough.

So Reverie is sent to I Think It's Literally Tokyo, like this game is not in a fictional location, it's Tokyo, I heard Shibuya get mentioned, what the hell.

boy howdy we got a lot of anime cutscenes

AND WE HAVE PROGRESSED BEYOND YOSUKE'S SHITTY FLIP PHONE ONTO SMART PHONES. Reverie sees a weird app thing on his phone and when he presses it, the world stops and I think he sees his shadow????? I think there's some awakening to Persona happening here.

Fuckin' Izanami is back in Inaba like "aw shit, people got PHONES that DO SHIT now? I can just send the power of persona to people as a fucking .apk file now, I don't need to lurk around a gas station like a fucking weirdo, I'm literally a god, I should be making more than minimum wage, wait'll I tell Nyx"

Anyway. That's actually kind of a fun throwback to....... the original MegaTen, right? Didn't the first major entry in the series revolve about a demonic internet site that let you contact the spirit world and then it took over the real world? Basically.

Reverie is off to find his.... like... probation officer but not, and ooh

wow that's a good voice, hello sir, wait no I thought Dojima had a good voice from the start and I was super wrong about him. I trust no good voices in this game.

I AM NOT 30 SECONDS IN AND ALREADY?????

fuck you and your nice voice I GUESS?

I have no idea what the legal standing here is or if its a handwavey don't-worry-about-it thing but:

Reverie, did a good deed and got expelled over it. His family apparently actively wanted to get rid of him, so they sent him off to Tokyo to live with this cafe owner dude, Sojirio Sakura. He is on a one-strike policy and could lose this lovely and inviting attic space for any reason at all. And this is his probation.

what the fuck, wow, and I was sad when P4G didn't really give me any good friends in the first two hours, now THIS?!

Reverie The Fifth, I have known you for like 20 minutes and I'm sorry? What the fuck.

Anyway, Sojirio is a glorified landlord, is not here to play rehabilitationist, leaves as soon as he can, and Reverie goes to sleep.

And wakes up in the Velvet Room.

And oh boy howdy. Wow. Okay. We're gonna have to talk about the Velvet Room in this game.

Out of images. Next post. /fingerguns

[kingoftheblacksun]

As a love hearted trans femme union of Aphrodite and Ares, I want this meme to be real, though I'd dress like a proper Scion of War with black wings and a fire sword, dripping Hel from my hooves.

We have an incredible challenge. The patriarchy requires division, and while it started with benign intentions, feminism was warped to provide that division. Feminism is no longer about protecting women, it is about protecting the lies of the patriarchy.

They stand apart from 'men' and deny any accountability for the system they benefit from, and justify seizing social privilege by playing at victims of "men". It's obscene! I was a part of "feminist" movements for well over a decades, supporting women's film festivals and writing in feminist film media. They are only in it for themselves, and they DEFEND the system!

There's nothing more peak patriarchy than a feminist film festival.

I'm so upset. The queer have swallowed "everything masculine is evil!" and chant hate and seize at privilege. How can a movement be legitimate when it loathes half of the population and denies accountability for its own sin?

Let me explain how the poison rots. Ego consciousness is masculine, because consciousness provides FORM to our life experience. I am trans femme who's survived a deep mystic path and I learned something I didn't want to believe - males and females experience consciousness differently and our ignorance over it has metastasized until it was warped into supporting genocide.

Female bodies experience internalized consciousness. This means they have internalized masculinity. It is the same thing. Males experience externalized masculinity, thereby externalized consciousness. THINK ABOUT IT.

Feminism encourages loathing men to seed the self-loathing of women! It is intentional poison! The "inner masculine" is being taught to hate the "outer masculine" and thus itself. This is toxic, and it's been encouraged by a maleficent political entity that wants to win so badly it'll pit the two sexes into violent war with one another. It is a crime against humanity, it's been used to support genocide!

The opposite of consciousness is awareness, and this is feminine. Awareness is of love, and for females it is externalized, and for males it is internalized. It is on the opposite "side" from consciousness. Romance is dead from this ignorance. This is why the two sexes don't know how to talk to one another. This is why love is dead.

Feminism is not going to be kind to trans men, or any women who wish to take possession of their inner masculinity. Feminism requires the loathing of men, and the false belief that the two sexes are identical except for our crotches. This is not true, and I'm saying that as a transgender woman who transitioned full-hearted.

I will never be a "real" woman because I am internally feminine.

I need to work on my reactivity and I know it. I have a chainsaw tongue when I smell disdain. I really am Ares, even if I don't yet have power. But I am also Aphrodite, and I certainly possess love.

We're in serious danger and a red flag needs to be raised, so we may fight to unite. I *LOVE* females with internalized masculinity, I think you're astoundingly hot and I feel better anytime you're near. You're living batteries of consciousness, being in satellite with you feels so lovely for me. Yet the feminists won't let us have that because they hate everything male. It needs to stop.

If I can find females to triumph, a trans girl would become King. Yet I can't do it unless you see with Sovereign eyes the truth I am struggling to bring. Please reject the loathing of males and embrace the return of the masculine and feminine Solar Divine. Those who remain in division, ignoring all warning - it's not going to go well for them. I don't want to see it. I've cried so much from the visions.

The Sun of God is rising. Mercy and forgiveness are vast. We're going to experience a dark sacred union on the Universal level, and you're invited. You can be saved, again! You must only surrender, and then - love.

Forever. ❤️‍🔥

[moliathh]

since we have prototype integra as a nazi soldier under the alias agent barbossa (from the manga Hi and Low by Kohtah Hirano, images from original post) may i propose the idea of major max montana sending integra as one of the forces against alucard (enemies to tragic forbidden lovers from two side of the battlefield ensured)

with the ideas that i have, there are two way to execute this, either integra was sent as a honeytrap like Catherine to Rudolph from my favourite podcast: Dangerously Yours

and if you don't have the time to listen to the whole podcast, this video is a mix between the podcast (a dialogue between Catherine and Rudolph) and TV Girl's song "cigarettes out the window" that you can listen to instead, because this video grasped the romance between these two people perfectly ("cigarettes out the window" is also a very alutegra song so this is simply the perfect mix, and i am pretty sure i had seen at least two alutegra edit based on these dialogues)

the second way to execute this is for integra to put up a male disguise, this is the only way that she can freely interact with alucard without raising suspicion, this way she can work as a double agent with alucard, but even then many double agents was taken down because of homosexual allegations, so they still had to keep the contact minimum, inspired by this fic that described the tension between male agents so well: Smoke in Your Eyes and Stars in Your Heart by victoriousscarf

i love world war inspired stories and how they carried out character development plotline between historical events, but of course these two ideas are non-supernatural AU, and i think the third idea, is a canon-compliant hellsing AU would be so much funnier and more light-hearted, with integra as the only mortal sent against alucard, that got him so intrigued he decided to play cat and mouse with her, and if you want angst, maybe we should still put a chip in her like all the millenium soldiers had, and she is still monitored like suicide squad member, and integra was torned between following orders for her life and saving her loved one, ah i really want them to have a happy ending but with all the scenarios i made up, none of them seems to have a bright path for my favourite vampire/human duo to walk down to. (please anyone with more ideas please TELL ME i am not an expert in spy and double agent media i only watched like one or two movies) also ALSO i will never get over the intimacy of letting your rival know your true name oh my god imagine integra going as agent barbossa and alucard going as dracula, but his real name is vlad, but he let her call him alucard as a joke but then slowly embrace the nickname

big shout out to my favourite duet band with their song about double agent: Days are numbered this is like the main source of insp whenever i think about a spy AU

[mormonbooks]

Daughter of the Deep Review

Alright, it's been a little while since I finished this book but I'm finally writing the review.

4/5 stars!

This book is by Rick Riordan, and while he's not a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints -- so this book doesn't technically fit my "by mormons about mormons" criteria -- I wanted to include this book because it's one of the only pieces of mainstream media that has casual mormon rep that I've ever heard of.

Summary - Ana Dakaar's freshman finals trip gets turned into a life-death situation when Harding-Pencroft (the school she and her friends attend) is destroyed. The freshmen are the only ones left standing and they discover that there is more to their school than they originally thought -- Captain Nemo from 1000 Leagues Under the sea (also known as Prince Dakaar) was a real person, and their school was built to honor his memory and continue researching the incredibly advanced naval and marine technology that he had invented. Ana has to trust her friends Esther, Nelinha, and Gemini (as well as herself) while they try to win a war they never realized they were a part of.

Gemini Twain is the only Mormon character and he is great. Spoilers under the cut.

Well written - 5 Stars.

Listen, it's Rick Riordan. He's good at writing, what am I gonna say?

2. Fun Level - 5 Stars.

The story is just jam packed with fun and entertaining moments and ideas. The advanced technology is intriguing and silly at the same time, the characters are engaging and their relationships are fun! I had a great time jumping from suspenseful action moments, to heartfelt friendships, to tender introspection, and back to silly sci-fi. It's just a blast.

3. Complex Faith - 4 Stars.

Gemini's faith isn't explored very much, because he's not a POV character. That being said, he is one of the main characters that Ana interacts with, and we get hints that his relationship to his religion is complex. His parents are hippies, and he never knew them because he was raised by his grandmother. She is the one who introduced him and his brother to the church. His brother is on a mission, and Gemini is the only Mormon at HP. He's a really lonely kid. We don't get the sense that he's close with a faith community in the area. Although we don't know Gemini's personal relationship with God, his backstory makes him a unique enough Mormon character (basically, not a Peter Priesthood) that I think he warrants a high score in this regard.

4. Homophobia Scale - 4 Stars.

There is absolutely no romance in this book. I know people like the ship Ana and Gem and there is certainly room for that (and the difference in religion would be interesting to explore) but there is also room for all the characters to be ace, or literally whatever. So, while there are no gay characters, there are also no straight characters. Everyone is just ... trying not to die actually.

5. Mormon Weird - 1 star.

Because Gemini isn't a POV character, we don't get a lot of Mormon specific things. There is a moment where Gemini unthinkingly talks to a Nelinha (who is from Brazil) about his brother who is on a mission in Brazil, as if Nelinha would somehow know his brother even though Brazil is a huge place, which seems like a specifically Mormon Moment to me (in an affectionately, "Oh yikes, we do that don't we" way), but yeah. Not a lot of Mormon Weird included in this book.

6. Diversity of Characters - 5 stars!

Ana - Indian American, Hindu, multilingual (English, Irish, ASL, Bundeli, etc)

Nelinha - Brazilian, bilingual (English, Portuguese)

Esther - European American, Autistic (and written very well from my opinion), has an Emotional Support Dog

Gemini Twain - African-American, Mormon,

Plus lots of other characters who show up throughout the novel, all with their own backstories, ethnicities, and personalities. I love them all.

7. Other Problematic Stuff - 5 stars

Nothing to report. It was just great.

Conclusion - Please read this book!! It's just so much fun, the cast is so great, the world is fascinating, and the plot is engaging. I love Gemini Twain with all of my heart and I want everyone else to know and love him too. It's also just so refreshing to read a book that acknowledges our existence, and allows a Mormon to be one of the heroes in a sci-fi story, just like ... casually. I love him.

I said in my goodreads review that:  "I didn't necessarily see myself in Gem, but I saw all the boys I grew up with in Sunday School, the guys I served my mission with, and the men I met at BYU." He's a good one.

[aroaceconfessions]

I figured out that I am aro not long time ago and a lot can be explained to me now.

all my life was about finding a person who can be my romantic partner.

in childhood, I always liked romantic stories. I dreamt about finding my significant other and thought it will be as in books or cartoons. there are a lot of happy couples in my family so I believe in true love.

but weirdly enough for a little girl who almost all the time dreamt about love, in my dream about the real future, there was one plan. but.

as I can remember there was only me without that partner that I dream about. somehow, even though I told everyone that I will find someone eventually, I couldn’t imagine someone in my future. that didn’t bother me. I was a little girl who made silly romantic stories in her head where she was the main character.

when I got older, at some point I noticed that I always seek someone who could potentially be attractive to me, because I wanted romance so badly, especially this teen romance that the media showed me. I still made up romantic stories in my head wishing that maybe someday they will come true.

and at some point, I started worrying that no one likes me. and not because there was this person whose attention I wanted very much and they didn’t notice me. not at all. I just wanted someone to like me. I have never been worried that I didn’t like anyone, it just seemed okay. love just comes when it is time, right?

I remember there was one boy who told me he liked me. I remember that he told me that I’m really smart and pretty. I rejected him since I didn’t like him back. but I liked the fact that he thought that I’m smart and pretty. but it didn’t matter who would say that because I didn’t hear it about me a lot from my peers. I liked the idea that he thought like that not because there is some romantic background behind it, but that he just thought that I was smart and pretty.

time went by but I still didn’t like anyone.

there were 2 times when I thought I had a crush. and only not long time ago I figured that they were not.

the first time was a guy who was older than me. oddly enough I started seeing him almost everywhere in the school. and he was someone, who I would consider my type. I felt nervous and strange around him. as the book said there are symptoms of a crush, isn’t it? but there was one thing that wasn’t feeling right. I didn’t think that this was a crush. I couldn’t imagine us being in love with each other and having this romantic story that I’d dreamt about. I just couldn’t see us doing this romantic stuff. it didn’t feel right to me. although I liked the idea of him having a crush on me. he graduated and I haven’t thought about him a lot. maybe I just wanted to be friends with him.

then there was a girl. Oh god, this girl was beautiful and I also had all those strange feelings but still, I couldn’t imagine us being in love and doing all the romantic stuff.

I started asking myself if I’m bisexual because I found everyone attractive and thought of kissing a girl didn’t appear odd to me. everyone felt the same to me.

I started asking everyone who I could how does falling in love, having a crush feels. yes, I knew it from the media, but we know how romance in there can be represented. everyone told almost the same thing if they could describe at all. but they knew this feeling. I was sure that I can feel it. maybe i just didn’t acknowledge it when I had a crush. I continued hoping about this romantic story that I will have.

then there was another boy that I met in summer camp. he was funny and cool in my opinion. I was really eager to be friends with him. I was sure that this was not a crush. until I started telling my friends about him and they’ve told me “oh, you have a crush on him!”. but I was sure i didn’t. I wanted be friends with him. I wanted us to be comfortable with each other. but nothing in romantic way.

I’ve graduated from school without any crush, without being in relationship once. but I was not that sad about it. I was while I had been in school. “it’s a shame no one ever liked me that way”, — I thought, but I still was not bothered by the fact that I have never liked someone. by that time I knew about aromantics but i was sure it didn’t apply to me. I can fall in love without a doubt. however somewhere inside there was a little-tiny doubt.

then first serious thoughts about being aro came to me when I read a fan fiction where the main character was demiromantic. although it was a romantic story, feeling of the character just appeared right to me. and then I started to analyse my experience.

Uni started for me without desiring relationship. I just felt content with how I am now. as I always did, I loved being single too. I still looked for someone who I might like in every new person, but it was not intentional. it just how my brain works (it kinda annoys me but I am used to ignoring it).

maybe a few months later I decided to try this label by making a bracelet in colours of aro flag since I really liked it and I had only those colours to make it. it still was really new and kinda scary to me, but it wouldn’t hurt me to try since only I knew meaning of this bracelet.

I got a lot of new friends since uni started and i am really happy about it.

and then started something that is pissing me off still.

everyone was talking about romance.

and it has never been a problem to me. I love romantic stories and all.

but I didn’t realise how annoying for me is the fact that some people think that life is revolving about romantic love and it is the only thing that makes your life whole.

my family asked me if I found someone I like romantically.

when I greeted my friend from choir, my classmate with a smile on his face asked if that guy was my boyfriend.

when I was feeling depressed, because there are a lot of things on my shoulders, and when I decided to share it with a new friend from choir, he asked me if I was going through heartbreak. as if this is the only thing that could make me feel this way.

later he asked if I had a ring from my boyfriend.

after I said that I didn’t like winter, he said that I will love it when there will be someone with whom I can cuddle when it’s cold.

every goddamn thing started revolving around romance.

I have never felt, until those tiny situations, that I am not whole if I am single.

but I didn’t want someone.

I don’t want someone to look at the stars with me, because stars have so special meaning to me that I don’t want to share it with anyone. I don’t want to build “my family” with husband and children. I already have my family whom I love very much.

I just don’t want it.

and then it hit me. and I felt a relief this time, because I understood that what is this. that it is okay and I am whole. I don’t need anyone in romantic way to be happy. I never did. I was happy with my friends and family and it was enough. I never felt that I lacked something.

that’s how I figured out that i’m aro.

I hope my experience can somehow help others to understand themselves better. and to feel that they are not alone.

if you read this sentence, thank you very much for listening to my story✨

[sonnevater]

atlas born of storms- an independent, private, highly selective fandomless original character of @mundmutter​​'s novel, the belladonna.  this blog is 18+ only!

affiliated with —- @mundmutter ╱ tba

a study on self-healing, heroism, and learning to love. with influences per usual from the works of j.r.r. tolkien, and a healthy dose of various mythology

worldbuilding. verses (tba). rules under readmore. formerly @hmrtia

➤ blogroll: @astralend ╱ @cyberends ╱ @oreichalkos ╱ @swordsovereign ╱ @titanchaser ╱ @godstrain

𝐨𝐧𝐞. #SONNEVATER is an independent, private, highly selective and mutuals exclusive writing blog for an original character, atlas hawthorne from the original novel the belladonna, written by the lovely kosm!

this blog is 18+. please do not follow me if you are under 18!

𝐭𝐰𝐨. atlas' main ship is with qistina @mundmutter, as their lore is in fact connected!

if other shipping happens, it will require a LOT of plotting and will not be with any mun or muse under the age of 21.

i am very open to other sorts of bonds, though! because it isn't just romance when people talk about ships-

i should also note that i will accept mains and exclusives! i am also open to affiliates!

𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞. all triggers that i can think of will be tagged with #trigger. please DO tag #trypophobia for me. let me know if you need something specific tagged

𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫. i am known for writing metas across the blogs i have. in the wise words of a friend:

with this in mind, the metas i write are portrayal specific to this blog, so please give them a read! i know i can be rather wordy- anyone who has followed me elsewhere may know this, but for my first time followers, worldbuilding is one of my favorite things to do. i am particularly fond of analysis of character psychology.

𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞. to the point above, i do have other blogs! i am all over the place and need to learn to time manage.

and by this, i mean i work 32-40 hours as a registered nurse in an inpatient psychiatric unit. i am busy, i am tired, and i can't keep letting my focus go all over the place. inevitably, it still may do that because i have a tendency to be scattered, so if i don't get to something immediately, it isn't you, it's me!

also related to that, i do love communication! i struggle with reading the room (it's the Autism tm) and so if something's up or if you're bothered, please be direct with me! i will not take offense, i quite appreciate feedback so that i can be better as a person! in return, i will communicate back! i am learning to curate my space (after 10+ years of being on tumblr).

𝐬𝐢𝐱. there are people i won't interact with due to various reasons- my dni list is on the carrd of my other blogs. i won't interact with genderbent versions of characters, people who are Real Life Individuals (not counting fictional depictions like in the typemoon franchise or whatnot because those really have nothing to do with the actual individual they're supposedly based on?).

please stay far away from me if you fall under the following categories (i'm censoring things because god knows tumblr just picks shit up idk): proshipping, writing inc*st, p*dophilia, r*pe/n*ncon, are transphobic/homophobic- the usual gross behavior! use your moral compass!

on top of that, i am a firm believer that we learn from the media around us. full censorship is just as dangerous as the aforementioned things- the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows! please refer to this post which essentially summarizes the gist of what i'm trying to explain.

𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧. anyway, hello, i'm percival / percy, i am 30+ and use he/him pronouns exclusively! i am a hobby artist (it's my side-gig from nursing) and sometimes i post my art, tagged #whats my art tag considering i constantly forget my art tag if it's fancy. please do not repost my art without my permission.

mutuals, feel free to ask me for my discord, since i am much easier to reach there!

i look forward to writing with you!

[arthoure]

I guess with twitter falling apart, the logical step is to move back to tumblr, but I struggle with what to even post! 

Twitter is kind of the LinkedIn of game dev, for casual networking and commiserating about the seven hells of the industry, so it made sense for me to be there to make my little jokes and yell about unions. It’s also more mobile-friendly, so I could post cat pics and be on my way without a fuss. And I always used Tumblr more for fandom meta stuff, which isn’t something I really do anymore because being a narrative designer kind of changes how you engage with fandom and meta -- it starts to feel like your day job instead of your fun hobby, at least in some senses, or it uses the same type of brain energy and at the end of work you’re depleted. And it’s weird to be able to see the seams of games, and have a sense of where their budgeting and schedules and tech restraints were, in a way that completely changes your idea of what “good” is or what something “accomplished” and doesn’t always line up with the ideas of other players. It’s not a good or a bad thing, just different. I read books differently now than I used to, too. (Part of this is also about growing older and developing new neural pathways. Weird shit.) It’s interesting to think about how fandom got me into game dev (literally; the first writing sample that got me hired was fe13 fanfic with the names changed -- but also very directly through the support of the friends who read my writing for years ((often making it better with our discussions)) and encouraged me to apply and etc.) and yet game dev is kind of what keeps me from being in fandom (at least deeply). 

So I kind of had two different networks -- the twitter one of friends plus game dev peers, and the tumblr one of friends plus fandom peers, the latter of whom followed me basically for meta/fanfic/the stuff I reblogged. But friends also keep in touch on discord or other messengers, so I often wonder, what do I even post for, and why? All I really want to post about is my life, but that’s not even really a safe thing to do, and also, why do I want to, besides being a little human who likes to leave her little proofs that she was here? Like, would it be interesting to anyone here to know that I work in AAA now and the fam and I are moving to Germany soon? That’s cool news for me, but I can’t say much of anything about my work (and even the things I am allowed to say are dangerous, lmao. Telling the internet who you work for and on what game title always makes you a target. Target is doubled for every underrepresented identity that you have. But that was a LITTLE different for me in my curated twitter bubble because again, it’s more like LinkedIn on the gamedev side, and I have a small audience so my info doesn’t leave my bubble; my bubble is also small on Tumblr but feels more unfamiliar after I’ve been inactive for so long.). AAA can carry a lot more weight in the industry but it really shouldn’t (what some other VOW writers said is true: God works hard, AAA devs work harder, but mobile romance devs work hardest of all) and tbh I don’t give a shit about commercial game size--I chose this company’s offer because its team was really special (severely anti-crunch, pro-labor rights, inclusive, brilliantly skilled in storytelling and technical design and other things I want to learn from them, kind and warm). But some of you might be happy to know that I’ll finally get real health insurance and sick days and vacation time and I can’t just be randomly laid off at any time (something European game devs enjoy that US devs often do not), and it’s a huge weight off my shoulders, because you might remember how I had to struggle with that for several years. Always so much to say but so much fear around saying it. Rare to find the points where you can view your life as Back Then and Right Now in such concrete terms. Is that worth documenting?

TL;DR I want to use social media for personal things and chatting with friends but The Internet at large makes it difficult to do that. I am of course far from the only one who feels this way. That’s just the update on me while I ponder what else to contribute to this blog! I do owe you some cat pics at least.