#i love that he subjected himself to it for 8 hours

[teruthecreator]

thunda th th th thunda lightning and the thunda 

[areyouwell]

Heliophobia

Noun: An extreme and irrational fear of light. Children or adults with heliophobia experience an extreme aversion to sunlight and may seek darkness in response.

Ch.8

Ch.7, Ch.6, Ch.5.5, Ch.5, Ch.4, Ch.3, Ch.2, Ch.1 <–

Pairing: Logan Howlett x F!Mutant!Reader

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence

Word Count: 15.8K

A/N: bejeezus this was a tough one to get through, crazy how i thought i might be able to fit these last two chapter in one it would have been like 30k words... insane behaviour from me. also i really like writing horror scenes :D

Taglist: @badbishsblog @reidsworld @idioticstar @toogaytofunctiondangit @ghostyv @wolviesgirl @over-bi-the-wayside @justice4billiam @holyhumorliteraturelight @cxptainbuck @sseleniaa @sadslasher13 @yallgotkik @whyamistillontumbler @maddiedinosaur @bethexo07 @pwpwppeepeoor @y08h

“Let me OUT!” Logan cringed as what he assumed was your foot collided with the oak door, thumping against the abused wood. You’d been at this ever since you’d woken up, throwing various objects at the door only for it to remain sealed shut, only succeeding in creating some kind of shattered glass trap after pelting a vase at the panels. Logan sighed heavily, checking his watch. Three hours. You’d been furiously screaming for three hours, trying every fucking trick in the book to get him or anyone else to open the door. Scott had to hold him back when you pretended to be hurt, whimpering and gasping behind the door as if you’d broken a bone. Only to scream in pure, unbridled rage when you realised it hadn’t worked. 

Devious motherfucker. 

You weren’t the only one either. They had Erin held in another room, only she was taking her isolation much better. It was the safest option whilst Charles worked on restoring each subject’s memories. They’d started with Morgana, and Logan didn’t think he’d ever be able to shake the image of crimson blood leaking from every orifice of that girl’s face as she writhed on the floor from his head. But the shift in personality hadn’t been too great. She was still pretty relaxed and unserious, but now she was a lot quieter. Subdued. Like she’d had the hope beaten out of her. 

It fucking terrified him. How much would you change after Charles restored your memories? Would you still smile the same? Laugh the same? Would you still want to be around him? With him?

Would you still love him?

Logan sighed. It was selfish of him, for that to be his most pressing concern, but he didn’t know what he’d do if, after all this, you never looked at him again. Not in the same way. His heart constricted in his chest, dread pooling in his gut. He needed to entertain these scenarios. He needed to prepare for every eventuality. Even if it broke him apart.

“She still at it?”

He’d been too wrapped up in his head to register the light footsteps from down the hall, curly red hair bouncing at Morgana’s shoulders as she approached with two cups of coffee. She’d cleaned herself up since her ordeal, even adding winged eyeliner on either side of her scarlet eyes. Logan bristled slightly, though he truly didn’t mean it. Instinct had his muscles tensing and his gaze narrowing, the night he lost you playing in his mind’s eye, Morgana’s blank expression as she slowed his heartbeat, her shining irises.

But he made himself relax. She’d proven herself a friend to you, her concern touching a part of him that recognised he could trust her with you. Releasing a breath, Logan nodded in answer to her question. “Yeah… Hasn’t stopped.” He tried in vain to keep the defeat from his voice, gratefully taking the coffee Morgana held out to him. “How’s the other one?”

“Erin? She’s… hollow, I guess. One of our friends we’d left behind, she was kinda seeing him but also kinda not. It was complicated between them…” Morgana slid down the wall to sit on the floor, crossing her legs at the knee. Logan joined her, exhaling as he took the weight off his feet. 

The silence wasn’t exactly comfortable, and Logan was acutely aware of Morgana’s guilt. Having her memories restored, she now knew she played a critical role in your capture, and if it wasn’t for her, none of this would have happened. She opened her mouth to speak, but Logan beat her to it. 

“Don’t. You don’t gotta apologise. You didn’t know what you were doin’.” An apology would mean nothing to him. Sure, she’d aided your capture, but she’d also helped your escape, and monitored your blood pressure on the flight back to the mansion. She’d taken care of you where Logan couldn’t, and he was grateful for that. 

Morgana simply nodded silently, unshed tears shining in her eyes as she tried to smile. “Yeah, I know. Doesn’t make remembering any easier though…” she paused, fiddling with the handle of her mug. “Don’t do this to her.”

Logan blinked. “What’dya mean?” He didn’t mean to growl, and felt a little bad when the girl tensed slightly, before taking a deep breath.

“Don’t do this. There’s shit Kreva did that wasn’t documented, Logan. Special assignments, he called them. She took the brunt of it, every fucking time,” Morgana took a breath, angrily wiping at a disobedient tear sliding down her face. Logan’s stomach hollowed. He thought everything was detailed in the file. He thought he knew everything other than the last two months… “She wanted to protect us. Where the rest of us would fight to get away, she’d fight to go. It was her way of making sure we were safe, or I guess, as safe as we could be.” Morgana drew her knees up to her chest, her arms hugging around her shins. 

He couldn’t breathe, the steel lump in his throat clogging his airways, making oxygen rare. Why did you always have to be a fucking martyr? Why did you always have to put yourself last? Did you not know how important you were? How loved you were? Did you not realise how much it fucking hurt to see you in pain? And now he knew he wasn’t the only one, Morgana’s tears solidifying the impact you made on her, too. “What happened?” he asked a little shakily, bracing himself for whatever horrors he was about to hear.

Morgana clenched her jaw, her eyes closing against the nightmarish memories of her own past. “Field experiments. No point in creating an army if you don’t know how effective they’d be, right? I… I only did a few, but they were the shit you’d read in hidden government documents, ya know? Send us to war-torn countries to tear apart their refugee camps and hospitals. Infiltrate rebellions and silence their leaders before the spark of change could fan into a flame. 

“And nobody was better than Phantom. Entire towns crumbled to dust in a night. Politicians were brought to their knees with nothing but a flick of her wrist. She was an instrument of chaos, Logan. Of death. It’s why Kreva fought so fucking hard to get her back. She was a scalpel he used to surgically remove anything he deemed a threat to his advances,” Morgana’s voice trembled slightly, her eyes rising from the ground to meet his. “You get it now? Remembering all that… what she was forced to do, the acts she was forced to perform, it would destroy her.”

Logan didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what to think. None of that had been detailed in the file. How many layers of torment existed? How many secrets did he need to uncover to truly understand what you were put through? Was the cost of getting you back greater than the cost of leaving you untouched? If what Morgana said was true, would you even want to remember? You did before, but neither you nor him truly knew the depth of your torture. Fuck. 

“I– I don’t–” He began before Morgana cut him off.

“Yeah, I know. I don’t know what to do either. We need her back to stop him. I sure as shit can’t beat Rowan, and neither can Erin. I don’t know everyone who lives here but I’ll bet you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who can. But her? She could. Theoretically…”

“Theoretically? Ya mean they’ve never been pitted against each other?” Logan asked, finding that hard to believe. Kreva put you through hell and back, performed every experiment under the goddamn sun on you, but never thought to match you against your brother? Maybe it was his own dark and twisted mind talking, but that would have been one of the first things he’d do.

“Nah. Even with Naji’s mutation, remnants of those experiments still stayed with us, usually affecting our mood. Pitting us against each other wouldn’t exactly build a good rapport since we were supposed to work together.” Morgana shrugged, her eyes now dry, having pushed past her initial flood of grief. “I just, can your Professor restore partial memories? I dunno, I just– she shouldn’t have to go through everything again. Shouldn’t have to remember everything she was forced to do.”

He could. Charles could. But Logan didn’t know if that would be enough. Even Kreva had said in your file you needed a certain number or specificity of memories to fully wield your mutation. He had no idea which ones they were, and whilst Charles was incredibly powerful, there was no way of him knowing either. But before he could respond, there was another cracking thump against the door and they both snapped their heads to where you’d once again tried to break through. 

Logan couldn’t help his little fond huff, despite the situation. You were as persistent as always, and he could feel your furious determination from the other side of the door. 

“Wow…” he shifted his attention back to Morgana who was looking at him with slight awe. “You really loved her, didn’t you?” 

He swallowed, her use of the past tense grating slightly in his chest. “Still do…” he murmured, dragging his gaze back to where you continued to try and break down the door. 

Morgana shifted next to him, her legs extending back in front of her, crossing at the ankle as she sipped her coffee. “So? Tell me everything. She’s my best friend and I know nothing about you, kinda unfair if you ask me.” She shrugged and Logan cast her a withering look. 

“Yeah, well I didn’t ask ya,” he sighed, before dragging his hands through his hair. He didn’t even know where to start when it came to you. “What’ya wanna know?”

Morgana clapped her hands excitedly, turning completely to face him, and he felt himself die a little on the inside, already regretting his agreement to this. 

“Where’dya meet? How long’ve you guys been together? Who said ‘I love you’ first, that kinda thing.” 

Logan raised a brow. Were these seriously the kinds of questions people wanted to know the answer to? He couldn’t help but think Morgana would get along well with both Marie and Kitty and considering this girl was apparently your best friend, it made a lot of sense. He rubbed at the back of his neck, all of a sudden feeling inadequate. 

“We uh, we met here, been together for somethin’ like eight months, last two not included and uh, I said it first.” His words came out a little jumbled, barely able to look Morgana in the eye as her grin widened.

“How long did it take the two of you to get together after you met?” She asked and Logan couldn’t help snorting a laugh. 

“‘Round three days, I think.”

The red-head choked on her coffee and Logan took a long, slightly smug sip of his own. Not quite as good as the ones you make, but it would do the job.

“Three days?! I thought us lesbians moved fast.” Her eyes were larger than saucers as she chuckled heartily, glancing between him and the door, where you’d finally gone quiet. “Though I guess your bond must have been strong if it could push past Naji’s mutation, she’d still dream about you. Did things just click between you? Just like, that instant connection kinda thing?”

The corners of his lips pulled up as he remembered seeing you for the first time. He’d never fucking admit it to anyone, but he was excited to meet you. He’d heard so damn much about you, never being able to put a face to the name was killing him. He’d sort of had an idea of what you looked like from listening to various conversations, but he wasn’t prepared for you to steal the breath from his damn lungs. You smiled so easily, laughed so brightly. You had a glimmer of wicked mischief in your eye that danced with each teasing comment you quipped. You were utterly mesmerising. Ethereal. Logan knew he was in trouble from the very start. 

“Somethin’ like that, yeah. She called me a son-of-a-bitch when we first met, I sorta stole her teaching position cuz she’d been away for two years and I didn’t think she even existed, to be honest with ya,” He too had noticed you’d gone silent on the other side of the door and he had a strong feeling you were listening. “Rest is history, but there’s very little I wouldn’t do to get her back…” he trailed off, swallowing around the lump reforming in his throat. He missed you. So fucking much. You were right there, on the other side of the door, but you looked at him with such unfamiliarity it broke him apart. You were right fucking there, but you’d never felt so far away. So out of his reach. 

A touch to his shoulder brought him back, Morgana’s hand resting atop his skin as she nodded to the door. “Go,” she mouthed, flicking her eyes back and forth between him and the wood, and he understood what she meant. Draining the remaining coffee from his mug, Logan stood to his feet, sending Morgana a wary glance behind him. He wasn’t sure this was a good idea, to be honest. You’d been so hellbent on escaping, what if this was just another one of your methods to free yourself from the room?

As if reading his mind, Morgana nodded encouragingly. “Her heart rate has settled and her blood pressure isn’t as high. Just go.” She whispered, snatching his mug from where he’d left it on the floor to return to the kitchen. She wasn’t needed for this next part and she knew it. From that one conversation, she seemed to know that he would be able to get through to you. He may be the only one who could. 

Logan took a breath, the metal of the bolt cool against his fingers before he pulled it across, twisting the doorknob and letting himself into an almost completely empty room. Before you’d woken up, Jean and Hank had set up a lighting system that didn’t cast extensive shadows. All the furniture had either been taken out or separated, each shadow on the ground completely isolated. Logan hated it. Hated that these were the lengths they had to go to in order to keep you safe. They were treating you no better than when you were a prisoner. 

It ate at his mind.

The lack of your presence however didn’t alarm him. He wasn’t expecting you to be standing waiting for him, especially if you could hear the conversation beyond the door. Taking a few slow steps into the room, Logan scanned the walls and floor, as if he could sense you in any of the various shadows. His own silhouette crossed through darkness cast by one of the tables, but it wasn’t until his back started to itch unbearably did he know where you were. Smart, he’d give you that, but you didn’t remember doing this to him before. You didn’t know he knew what it felt like. Logan rumbled a chuckle, turning to the light behind him and that itching shifted to his front. 

“You’re not as subtle as ya think, darlin’.” He mused, feeling you shift down his body and bleed through to his isolated shadow on the floor. His expression instantly softened as you rose from the ground, watching his every move warily, eyes flickering with every micromovement, nostrils flaring slightly as you prepared to make a break for it. Logan raised his hands like he’d done so many times before. “‘M’not gonna hurt ya. Never gonna hurt ya, firefly.”

“Stop calling me that.” You hissed, taking a step back from him. You’d finally learned his name, only thanks to eavesdropping on his conversation with Morgan. What the fuck had they done to her to make her so mellow? So willing to accept this. Rage flared in your gut at the thought of her being harmed. “What did you do to her? Morgana. What did you do?”

Logan almost winced at the way you hissed and snarled at him like a cornered animal, furious terror reeking off you in waves. “We helped her remember, like we’re gonna help you,” even if the idea still didn’t sit right with him. “You’re safe here. You both are.” He soothed, watching as you narrowed your eyes at him as if searching for deception. He let you look, knowing you’d find nothing but earnest truth. 

“Okay…” you breathed, though you still didn’t fully trust him. You kept your distance as he took a seat, leaning forward to brace his elbows on his thighs. Questions burned in your mind, but you kept your mouth shut, not wanting to divulge just how clueless you were about what was going on. 

Until it suddenly occurred to you. None of this was real. 

You’d seen reality glitch and phase around you. You watched your flat disappear to nothing, your friends fighting amongst themselves. Maybe there was some truth in Joes’ words. Maybe nothing you’d experienced was real, and maybe this was a part of it. You nodded to yourself, laughing bitterly.

Logan’s brows furrowed in confused concern. “What?”

“You’re not real, are you? You don’t exist.” You bit, gesturing savagely to where he was sitting. Logan hummed a tired, melancholy smile, his eyes sinking to the floor and you blinked in confusion. “What?”

You really were the reflection of his own soul, your brows pinching in exactly the same way, head tilting in the opposite direction to his own. In another time, he’d be feeling the same electric hum he always did in the moments before he kissed you, but the absence of love in your eyes kept him at bay.

“S’just funny… I said almost the exact same thing when we first met.” 

You shook your head furiously as if to clear your mind. “We’ve never met…” You whispered, though your voice faltered. Logan raised his gaze back to you, hope flickering in his chest.

“I don’t think you believe that.” He responded with equal hush, rising from the chair he’d just sat down upon, his hand still braced on the back of it. You shook your head again, eyes screwed shut as if to wall off whatever was going through your mind. 

“I– Even if I didn’t, I don’t remember you. I don’t know who you are.” The way your voice cracked was mirrored in his soul, spiderwebs of fragility snaking across his heart. You were almost pleading with him. With yourself. And to see you so fragile, so fucking scared, it made him want to shred Kreva apart.

“Morgana said you dreamt of me.”

“That’s just a coincidence…”

Logan took a step forward. “I don’t think you believe that either.”

All the tension in your body exploded, the fraying threads of your emotions finally snapping, and your maelstrom of fear and confusion stormed through your mental walls. “I don’t fucking know what I believe! I don’t! You can’t honestly stand there and expect me to believe you. Expect me to believe that the last twenty-two years of my life have been a lie. Because that’s fucking insane and you sound insane!

“But then you look at me… You look at me and I feel missed. And it fucking hurts because I don’t know why. I don’t know why you look at me like that and I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I don’t know what’s real and I’m really fucking scared.” You took a breath, hot tears burning your eyes as you finally confessed just how utterly petrified you were. You hated feeling vulnerable, even more so in front of people you didn’t know. Or you did know. Or you did know but didn’t remember. Or whatever the truth was.

Every other time Logan had stood to pull you into his embrace, you’d melted into him, willingly accepting his comfort and warmth. So to see you recoil from his sudden movement, flinch at the way he took a hasty step toward you, shining eyes wide with fear, he had to bite down hard on his lip to stop his own overwhelming sense of guilt from springing tears to his own eyes. He took a steadying breath, frantically searching his brain for something, anything, to convince you that this was real. He was real. He knew you were scared. Fuck, he felt your fear as his own, but losing you now simply wasn’t an option.

Then it came to him. 

Slowly, tentatively, Logan extended his hand for you to take. “Eight months ago, you taught me something. I want to show you if you’ll let me.”

He saw you hesitate, eyes flickering from his hand to his face, then back to his hand. This would be it. Irrefutable proof that he was real, and the time he’d shared with you was real. Time ticked by, the clock on the wall mocking him with each rhythmic click until you nodded infinitesimally, slipping your soft palm into his. 

“Okay…” you whispered, and he offered you a small smile. 

“I need you to promise you won’t run.” He slowly brought you closer to him, keeping himself open to your suspicious gaze with each uncertain step. You sucked in a breath, still incredibly unsure.

“Fine. But I can’t promise I won’t try…” your mouth quirked in a half-hearted smirk, and though he could tell it was forced, Logan couldn’t help but feel like maybe, just maybe, you were coming back to him, piece by piece, little by little. 

It was like nothing had changed, having you in the kitchen with him, the sun casting a firelike glow through the windows. Like clockwork, he’d chopped, diced, mixed and stirred. The sizzle of browning onions, the scent of searing meat, cooking like this was now simply muscle memory, his hands working with minds of their own. All the while you watched over his shoulder, suspicious recognition creasing your brows as he stripped a few leaves of basil from their stem, dropping them into the bubbling marinara sauce. This was your recipe. You’d know it anywhere. How the fuck did he know it? How did he know the exact timings? The perfect colour for the meat before adding the sauce? And how the fuck did he know about the basil…?

Your heart raced. What if he was telling the truth? How would you even handle that? How would you go about wrapping your head around the fact that the last god knows how many years of your life have been bullshit? He had to be wrong. He had to be lying. For the sake of your own mental wellbeing, this had to be some kind of fucked up prank. Or a set-up. Maybe by that weird fucker who had Naji. 

That was something else you hadn’t allowed yourself to dwell on. The fact that your entire fucking flat simply disappeared. That you hadn’t seen any of your family since Naji tried to invade your mind. 

Naji…

You clenched your jaw. You couldn’t think about that right now. You couldn’t think about any of them right now. You didn’t know where they were, how they were. If they were alright if they were safe. If they were alive…

Here you were feeling so fucking scared, but so far none of these people had done anything to try and hurt you. Were the rest of them in similar positions? Was Atlas okay?

Was Rowan…?

Logan spared a glance away from the bubbling sauce to gauge your headspace, his brows pinching when he saw your eyes slightly glazed, lost in a mental spiral. Removing the wooden spoon from the sauce, he held it up to your mouth, snapping you from your dissociated daze. “Here. Recognise it?”

You looked at him slightly warily, watching his hand shift to cup just beneath the spoon, preventing spillages. Logan noticed your hesitation, your trepidation, and understood.  Even though you’d watched every step, you were still mistrusting. He couldn’t blame you. His gaze softened slightly, before bringing the spoon to his own mouth and tasting the food, proving to you there was nothing in it that could harm you. 

As per usual, it was fucking delicious. He couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself for nailing it so well. The suspicion in your eyes faded slightly, and you nodded in consent as he offered it back to you, and you let him feed you your own recipe.

It was uncanny. 

“How did you…?”

Logan smiled slightly, placing the spoon back into the sauce. “I’d only known you for a day or so before we made this together. Actually, you made it and I just kinda watched.” The way he huffed fondly made your heart stutter and the realisation struck you like a punch to the gut. 

“This was real, wasn’t it…?” You asked quietly, and Logan stopped altogether to take a steadying breath. You were coming around. Finally, you were coming back. Not completely, he’d need Charles for that, but you were getting there. 

“Yeah. It was. I–” he paused, eyes trained solidly on the pan of spaghetti adjacent to the sauce. “It was my fault. I couldn’t keep you safe. I was fuckin’ helpless that night. I let them take you and couldn’t do anythin’ to stop it…” The memory still haunted him. Your bloodstained lips, your eyes fading before you dissolved, the way Kreva fucking laughed. It haunted every waking moment. 

A jolt of electricity bolted up his arm when your hand came to rest atop it. He thought it almost laughable. You comforting him whilst you didn’t even know who you were. Who he was. Managing to tear his eyes from the stove, his gaze met yours, finding only forgiveness. 

“What happened?” You asked quietly, finding warmth in the way his hand settled atop your own. 

“There was a raid here one night. That piece of shit Kreva came lookin’ for ya. Didn’t take you, but left somethin’ behind. You weren’t safe here, so I took you somewhere you were. Stayed there for six months before we had to come back. They ambushed us on the road. I was immobilised, and he took you from me and fuckin’ laughed as he did it.” He hissed, and your hand tightened on his arm. Not out of fear, he realised, but to ground him. To remind him you were there. It shattered and mended his heart at the same time. 

“Why you?” It was a loaded question. You knew that. But you needed confirmation. What you’d suspected from the moment he’d escorted you kicking and screaming into that room. From the moment you woke up. 

Logan drew in a breath. He didn’t know if telling you would make things better or worse. Whether it would help you or break you. He searched your face, finding nothing but gentle curiosity and settled on showing you instead. 

Turning back to the stove, he switched off the heat for both burners, before stepping from your touch and over to the radio. It had been a long time since you two had done this, but he couldn’t think of a better way to answer your question. 

Your head tilted in confusion as you watched him flip through the stations, pausing as if he’d seen a ghost when a song you knew crackled to life. You recognised this tune, but from when or where, you couldn’t tell. Logan turned back to you, his hand extended, vain hope glimmering in his hazel eyes. 

‘Pass me that lovely little gun My dear, my darling one’

With no small degree of hesitation, you slipped your hand into his, holding your breath as you stepped into his soft embrace. It felt familiar, like a smile from an old friend, or a spoken phrase lost to time. It felt nostalgic.

It felt like home. 

‘The cleaners are coming in, one by one You don’t even wanna let them start’

You let your arms snake around his neck, melting as his hands met your waist. Turning your head, you settled against the centre of his chest, his heartbeat steady against your ear as you swayed with him.

“We’ve done this before, haven’t we?”

‘They’re knocking now upon your door They measure the room, they know the score They’re mopping up the butcher’s floor Of your broken little hearts’

Pieces of Logan’s soul started to slowly knit back together, his arms encircling your waist to hold you tight against him, settling his cheek atop your head. 

“Yeah. Long time ago, but yeah.” He answered, his eyes stinging as you nestled closer into the dip between his collar and neck.

‘Forgive us now for what we’ve done It started out as a bit of fun Here, take these before we run away The keys to the gulag’

Your eyes closed involuntarily, basking in the unfamiliar familiarity of his smell. The dreams you had, weren’t dreams at all. They were memories. You realise that now. You were remembering a life you didn’t know you had. You were remembering him the only way you could. 

‘Here comes Frank and poor old Jim They’re gathering ‘round with all my friends We’re older now the light is dim And you are only just beginning’

Logan let himself believe if only for a moment, you remembered him. He let himself sink into the alternate reality where nothing had happened. Where you were simply with him and you were safe. Where your brother wasn’t lost and you weren’t terrified anymore. Where he could hold you without being afraid it could be the last time. Where Jade wasn’t dead but just merely an ex of your past. Where you had complete control of your mutation and weren’t afraid of yourself. 

He let himself breathe you in, your distinct scent wrapping around his mind and heart. Fuck he’d missed you so fucking much.

‘We have the answers to all your fears It’s short, it's simple, it’s crystal clear It’s roundabout and it’s somewhere near Lost amongst our winnings’

“I know why it was you…” You murmured gently, raising your head from the home you’d made. Logan’s hand slid from your waist to cup the side of your neck, keeping you there. 

‘The cleaners have done their job on you They’re hip to it, man, they’re in the groove They’ve hosed you down, you’re good as new And they’re lining up to inspect you’

Logan didn’t dare ask. Didn’t dare prompt you to continue. Could barely whisper to you in fear of his voice cracking, the growing lump in his throat making breathing suddenly much more difficult. 

‘Poor old Jim’s white as a ghost He’s found the answer that we lost We’re weeping now, weeping because There’s nothing we can do to protect you’

Your eyes flickered between his, the sting of unshed tears lining your lashes as you swallowed thickly. “I loved you. Didn’t I?”

O, children Lift up your voice, lift up your voice Children Rejoice, Rejoice

Logan closed his eyes, fighting against the urge to sink to his knees. The past tense speared his heart, but he nodded nonetheless, taking in a shaky breath. “Yeah, you did.”

Your hand skirted from his neck to the side of his face, thumb gently smoothing over his cheekbone. “And you? Did you love me?”

His eyes fluttered open again to find slight, broken hope glittering in your irises, those windows he’d come to love so fucking much. 

“Sweetheart,” he breathed, bracing his forehead against your own. “I still do.” 

The moment his lips graced your own, you felt the tears in your eyes spill down your cheeks, a lost piece of your heart fixing back into place. You felt whole again, here in his arms, kissing him to the beat of the music.

‘Hey little train, we’re jumping on The train that goes to the kingdom We’re happy, Ma, we’re having fun The train ain’t even left the station Hey little train, wait for me I once was blind but now I see Have you a seat for me Is that such a stretch of the imagination?’

Your breath caught in your throat as you tightened your arms around his neck, his hold around your waist responding in kind. You loved him. No. That didn’t feel right. 

You love him. 

Logan released the leash he had on his emotions, allowing liquid heartache to slide down his cheeks. All the fear, all the doubt, every single thought of losing you washed away as your tongue softly swiped at his lips, and he pulled you home. 

Home.  ‘Hey little train, wait for me Was bound in chains, but now I’m free I’m hanging in there, don’t you see? In this process of elimination Hey little train, we’re jumping on The train that goes to the kingdom We’re happy, Ma, we’re having fun Beyond my wildest expectation’

The music faded and you pulled back a little, eyes fluttering open to find him already gazing at you, longing dancing in his eyes, damp trails lining either side of his face. “What now…?” you queried softly, and Logan sighed slightly. 

“You gotta make a choice. Charles can help you remember everythin’ but… it won’t be easy for ya. I don’t know what you’ve gone through the last two months, but I know everythin’ you went through before. And Morgana filled me in on some shit Kreva didn’t note down…” 

Your heart skipped a beat. “Morgana? Is she alright?” 

Logan nodded, the relief on your face worth all the stars in the sky. “Yeah, she’s fine ‘n safe. Charles already helped her, so she remembers. Erin’s here too but uh… she’s less cooperative.” 

You snickered, and Logan thought he’d have to die before he heard that sound again. “Yeah, sounds like Erin. Is Rowan here? I should probably see him, let him know I’m alright.” 

Your heart dropped with the way Logan’s face fell, dread pooling in your gut. 

“We’re gonna get him back, ‘kay? All of them. We’re gonna get ‘em all back. I promise.” Not even the conviction in his voice, nor the way his hands smoothed your hair, brought you any comfort. 

“Where is he…?” You asked, though utterly terrified to know the answer. 

Logan sucked in a breath, bracing himself. “We’d managed to get you, Morgana, Erin and Rowan out before we had to bail. Kurt can teleport too, but his last trip was Rowan before it became too dangerous. We were already in the air, and we thought we were safe. But Joes came out of nowhere and took him back to Kreva.”

You gasped a sob, attempting to wrench yourself from his grip but he held you fast. “L– let me go! I– I have to get him. I can’t leave him.” You bit between stuttered breaths, panic rising in your throat. “I can’t– I can’t leave him there. He’s my brother. Logan let– let me go!” You fought against his hold and took every weak punch, every struggled pound against his chest.

“I know darlin’, I know.” he hushed as you went limp in his hold, your shoulders shaking with each strangled cry. “Shh, it’s okay. We’re gonna get him back, firefly. I promise,” he whispered into your hair as you fell to pieces in his embrace, sinking to the ground in his arms. He pulled you in tight, bracing you against his chest. “I promise. It’s okay, shh, shh, it’s okay.”

He held you as you cried, having the distinct feeling you weren’t just crying for Rowan. And he was right. Everything had hit you all at once. Your lost life. Your forgotten memories. The lies. So many fucking lies. And the one person who had told you the truth you didn’t fucking remember. 

How long you’d been sitting in his arms, crying into his chest whilst he whispered soothing nothings into your hair, you’d never know. But when your sobs reduced to nothing but hiccups, you raised your head, taking a long, shaky breath. 

Logan’s palms instantly cupped either side of your face, thumbs wiping away the stains of tears from your cheeks before he offered you a small, empathetic smile. You slowly blew out the breath you were holding, brows pinching against another wave of anguish. “You said I had a choice. What was the other option?”

“You stay like this,” he began, his thumbs still smoothing over your cheeks though the tears were long gone now. “We try help you with your mutation and you don’t remember everything you’ve endured. We tell you what you need to know and you start again.” Both options terrified him. There was no easy way forward, and he knew that. He knew you knew that too. 

“So, I’m spared of whatever shit I’ve been through but I won’t remember anything else?” you clarified and he nodded. “I won’t remember you?” Logan nodded again, though his time it was slight. “And you’re okay with that?”

No. He wasn’t. It was agony to think that you wouldn’t remember the last eight months you’d spent with him. “That doesn’t matter here–” He started before you cut him off. 

“It matters to me. I want to remember you, Logan.”

His jaw tensed, eyes lowering to the floor. “I don’t wanna be the reason you’re in pain. I don’t want you to remember for me just to regret it after you remember everythin’ else. Your past wasn’t kind to you, sweetheart.” He couldn’t help the way his chest inflated when your hand softly cupped the side of his bearded jaw, raising his head back to look into your eyes. 

“I’d want to remember anyway. I don’t wanna be some vacant shell who doesn’t know who she is. No matter how fucked up. No matter what I went through, it made me who I was. It made me who you fell in love with. I wanna be her again.” 

“You already are.” He murmured, before capturing your lips in another gentle kiss and you smiled against him. “There isn’t a version of you I won’t love. Whether you remember everythin’ or nothin’,” he whispered against your lips. “I’ll always be right here.”

You rested your brow against his as if you could communicate everything you were feeling through touch alone. “I think we need to go and see Charles.”

You don’t think you’d ever been this nervous. Your heart beat like a freight train in your chest, nails digging into the palms of your hands as you stood outside Charles Xavier’s office alone. Logan had entered before you, telling you to wait whilst he spoke to the headmaster, about what you could only assume. 

Your breath came quick, unsteady. You’d already agreed to get your memories back before Logan even brought it up. You wanted to know who you were, but now you were standing outside Xavier’s office, you weren’t sure you made the right choice. What if restoring your memories made you a completely different person? You didn’t know if they’d been restored before, had they been restored when Logan met you? Is that who he fell in love with? Or were you just as clueless then as you were now? You had too many questions and too few answers to feel calm about what lay ahead of you. 

Your biggest fear was remembering that you agreed with Kreva, and whatever he was trying to do. From what you knew, he was pure fucking evil, running experiments on mutants for whatever sick and twisted gains he got out of it. You didn’t know his end goal, but what if you agreed with him? Surely that was how you wound up there in the first place, no?

Or were you taken? Or sold? You couldn’t even remember your parents. Did you have parents? Were you grown in that fucking facility?

Too many questions.

Your teeth gnawed on your bottom lip as you waited, savouring the slight bite of pain as you peeled a layer of skin into your mouth, sucking the blood from the hurt. This was taking too long. He’d been in there for too long. You didn’t know exactly how long, but it was only supposed to be a quick conversation, not whatever the fuck this was. Having just about enough of waiting, you’d resolved to knock on the door and not wait for an answer before heading in. That was until the door opened slowly, a dark-haired girl poking her head from the room inside. 

“You uh, you can come in. Sorry it took so long…” she mumbled, avoiding eye contact. You tilted your head to the side. When the fuck had she arrived? You’d been standing outside this office since Logan went in and you hadn’t seen anyone enter or exit? She opened the door a little wider, revealing five other people, your eyes widened as you saw the familiar auburn curly hair of your best friend. 

“Morgo…” You breathed, before rushing through the door and past the makeshift bed to wrap your arms around her, holding her tight. Morgana reciprocated, her hands braced against your back as she squeezed you in her embrace. 

“Hey, freakshow. How’re you holding up?” She asked, pulling back slightly to give you a once over, making sure you weren’t hurt.

It warmed Logan’s heart to see you interact with your friends like this. The raw relief etched into your features brought him a kind of relief of his own. Morgana was safe, and that had somewhat set you at ease.

“Yeah, ‘m’okay. Upright and not crying.” You shrugged, and Morgana laughed slightly. Clearly, that must have been some kind of inside joke between the two of you. Logan didn’t fight to hide his smile, earning himself a sweet look from Ororo and a look of utter shock from Scott. He rolled his eyes at the latter.

“Sounds about right,” Morgana’s eyes fell to the floor as she thought about what she wanted to say next. “Look… if you’re gonna go ahead with this–”

“I am, Morgo. Why is everyone trying to convince me not to now? Surely the whole point in getting me back was to restore my memories, now you’re all questioning it?” 

Logan could understand why you were so irate. Everything was so fucking confusing right now. It was hard to know what the right thing to do was. But you’d chosen, and he needed to respect that. As did everyone else in the room.

“I get that. I just… you need to prepare yourself. Mine wasn’t exactly pretty and I didn’t go through half the shit you did,” she continued, empathy flooding her crimson eyes. “I just– you went through so fucking much. For our sake. You were… different to how you are now.”

Logan felt the blood drain from his face. “Different how?” he asked lowly, prepared to drag you away and hole up with you somewhere safe. 

Not that it had helped last time.

“Nothing bad! You never worked for Kreva willingly…” she paused, glancing at each mutant in the room. “You were just… scarier if that makes sense. You scared the shit out of us. Not because you did anything! Fuck I’m explaining this so badly…” she sucked in a breath, holding it for a beat before exhaling. “You were real good at sealing away your emotions. Most of the time we wondered if you had any at all. It was always Rowan who was the emotional one. You were just kinda… stony, about the whole thing. The only time you spoke out was when you volunteered yourself for certain things, and that was to protect us. You weren’t a bad person, you were just… yeah. Different.” She finished, leaving the room in stunned silence. 

It didn’t come as too much of a surprise to Logan. You didn’t want to share your emotions at the best of times, at least at the start of your relationship. And knowing you had to do that almost your whole life, not because of lack of option, but because of self-preservation? It burned him.

“Okay… but I wasn’t like, fucked up or anything. Like, I didn’t kill a bunch of people, right?”

The silence was so loud you could hear it echoing against the walls of the room. You refused to let it scare you. You weren’t about to be intimidated out of this. No matter what you’d done in your past, it would stay where it belonged. 

In the fucking past. 

“This is taking too fucking long. Can we just do it?” You grit, folding your arms in irritation. 

“You’re certain this is what you want?” Your head whipped around to who you assumed was Charles Xavier. Honestly, he wasn’t what you were expecting. You were expecting someone a little more intimidating to be the head of the school and the mutant everyone kept banging on about. Not just some older dude in a wheelchair. 

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.” You responded curtly, casting a glance at the others around the room. The girl with the brown hair stood close to Logan, her brows pinched in subdued fear. For you or of you, you couldn’t discern. Were you really that scary? 

Charles exhaled a sigh. “Very well then. If you could all leave the room.”

“I’m stayin’.” Logan wasn’t about to leave you alone with this. He’d seen what had happened to Morgana. Watched as she writhed and contorted on the ground, blood streaming from her ears and nose. He wasn’t about to wait in ignorance whilst you were in agonising pain in here. He didn’t think he had it in him. 

“Logan… this procedure is extremely difficult. Any distractions could cause further damage to her subconscious.”

“Then I won’t be distracting.” His tone left no room for argument, and you honestly felt a little better knowing he wasn’t going to leave you. He cast you a slight, encouraging smile and you nodded in gratitude as Charles huffed in defeat.

“Fine. If everyone else could leave the room.” He said pointedly, and Morgana enveloped you in another hug.

“I’ll see ya on the other side, girlie. You’ll be fine. You got your big strong dream man with ya.” She winked and you couldn’t help snorting a laugh, though you could tell by the look in her eye she was terrified for you. That one you could distinguish. 

The woman with white hair placed a hand on your shoulder as Morgana left through the door. Though you couldn’t recall a single time you’d ever met her, she looked at you as if you were an old friend, though said nothing. Her hand squeezed slightly before she too headed out. The man you knew to be Scott strode passed you wordlessly, refusing to even look up at you through his sunglasses.

What the fuck was his problem?

“Kitty?” Charles prompted, and you turned to look to where the girl was staying completely still, her sad eyes still trained on you. You raised a brow, and she winced slightly, before running to pull you into a crushing hug. 

“I don’t care who you are after this. I don’t hate you anymore. It wasn’t your fault, I truly understand that now. I’m so, so sorry for blaming you.” You held your hands up as her hold on you tightened, shooting Logan a panicked glance. 

“Kitty…” he started, and she took a step back from you, angrily wiping at the tears down her cheeks. 

“Yeah, right. Okay. You got this, yeah? Come find me after and we can have tea or something. We got a lot to catch up on…” She gave you one last hug before almost running from the room, closing the door behind her. You watched the closed door with complete confusion. Logan chuckled slightly behind you, placing both hands on either of your shoulders.

“She’s missed ya. We all have.” You leaned back, your head resting against the back of his chest as he pressed a kiss to your hair. 

“You won’t have to for much longer, right?” You looked around Logan to where Charles had taken his place at the head-side of the bed. It looked like some kind of medical bed they’d dragged from a hospital. Did they have one here? You supposed it was useful if things were to go wrong. 

The thought had your gut twisting. Just how wrong could things go…?

“Hey,” Logan caught your attention, a hand guiding your face to look at him. It’s like he had a sixth sense for whenever you started to spiral, noticing the moment your eyes looked even a little distant. “You’re gonna be okay. I’ll be right here, yeah? Not gonna leave ya.” He soothed, slowly wrapping his arms around your shoulders, a broad hand cupping the back of your head as you nuzzled into the crook of his neck, savouring the contact.

“Okay…” you breathed, steeling yourself before pushing back from him and turning to Charles. “Let’s just get this over with…”

Charles nodded finitely, patting the surface of the medical bed. “Just lie back and try to relax. I know it’s difficult considering the circumstances, but if you could keep your mind as clear as you can, it will greatly help the process.” 

You sucked in a breath, hopping up onto the bed and swinging your legs over, lying back against the hard surface. They really hadn’t tried to make it particularly comfortable, but you supposed they didn’t have time before they tried this with Morgana.

Morgana.

You concentrated on how she was even after this procedure. She hadn’t all changed that much. Maybe you’d be the same. Maybe you’d still be you but with very little noticeable change. Thinking of her filled you with courage, even more so when Logan took your hand and knelt by your bedside. 

“You ready?” He asked, trying his fucking best not to let his overwhelming concern leak through his voice. You nodded a little shakily as Charles’ hands came to rest on either side of your head.

“See you on the other side.” You smiled weakly, squeezing his hand slightly, before you felt a slight pressure inside your head, growing and pushing, rearranging, and your vision faded to black.

You were falling. Wind whipped your hair and face, arms flailing to catch yourself on something, anything, trying in vain to save yourself from the inevitable landing. Your stomach lurched up into your throat, guts writhing and flipping as you failed to control your descent. Mouth agape in a silent, wrenching scream, you plummeted down, down, down. Flashes of light burned against your closed eyes, colours singing your retinas as you clawed at nothing, deafening voices ringing in your ears, crashes of explosions, and bloodcurdling screams cut short. Your heart raced in your chest, your breathing ragged before everything stopped.

You plunged into an ocean of pitch black, lungs burning as you fought to breathe, only resulting in an intake of water, mocking bubbles rising from your mouth, legs kicking fruitlessly against the anchor wrapped around your feet. Cracking your eyes open, you looked down.

Not an anchor.

A hand.

A shadowy, skeletal hand gripped your ankle, seven more rising from the obsidian depths to grasp at your legs, your waist, scratching against your skin, tearing at your clothes as you struggled to free yourself, writhing and twitching to reach the surface. 

You screamed again, muffled, jagged, noiseless in the muted depths of your own mind. Your vision tunnelled, oxygen scarce as your brain started to shut down. This was it. This was where you died. Trapped in the sea of black, drowned by your own fears.

Until everything stopped. Your feet touched solid ground and the ocean started to drain away around you. After being so weightless, your body felt like lead as you lay on the surface, coughing up inky liquid, your chest heaving with every strangled breath. Taking just a moment to remind yourself you weren’t dead, you roughly swiped your soaking hair from your face, lifting your head to at least try and take a look at your surroundings. But your eyes were met with nothing. Absolutely nothing. You couldn’t tell where the floor ended and the sky began. There was no divide. You were completely lost and for the first time, you found yourself wishing there was some kind of light to guide you. 

As if on command, a flicker of white appeared ahead of you, illuminating the pit of nothingness and granting you the vision you sought. Shakily struggling to your feet, you looked down and froze slightly. What you were standing on wasn’t solid. Or at least, it shouldn’t be. Ripples shifted beneath your feet like water, the light reflecting in irregular patterns with one small step forward. Taking one knee, you pressed your hand against the surface, pulling back as it shifted with your contact, your own reflection looking back at you quizzically. 

Releasing a determined huff, you wiped your wet hand on your soaking t-shirt, looking back to the pulsing light ahead of you, drawing you in. And you let it, your legs moving as if on their own, footsteps echoing in the emptiness. Some kind of chamber, then, if your footsteps bounced back to you. 

Your eyes squinted the closer you got, your hand shielding your face from the light, before it dulled for you, as if understanding. You blinked away the spots behind your eyes, leaning closer to the orb, and tilting your head around it. Images flashed within the surface, faces you knew well, and faces you didn’t recognise. This was you, you realised. This was everything you were missing. Everything you’d been through, everything you didn’t remember was right here in front of you. Who you were. Who you are. 

Reaching up, you lightly tapped the surface of the glow with your finger, watching as it started to pulse faster, light growing more intense before your vision exploded with white and you were thrust forward, the environment around you shifting and changing like ink in a glass of water. 

Falling to your knees, you barely caught yourself before you struck the floor, your hands biting against a cold, steel surface. Shaking your head of a slight fuzziness, you inhaled, almost choking on the thick scent of sweat and fuel. Your heartbeat spiked.

You knew this. 

Fear laced your blood as you raised your head, taking in the all too familiar interior of an aircraft, and your breath froze when your eyes landed upon a lone figure sitting against the wall, her hair bound behind her bowed head, fingers laced together, dressed in all black. 

You knew her. Fuck did you know her. You knew her incredibly well.

Because it was you. 

But it wasn’t you at the same time. You were sitting dangerously still, various knives and blades strapped across your back, your legs, and the sides of your combat boots. A black mask settled over the entirety of your face, two thin slits cut into the metal for you to see out of. You remembered that fucking thing. It stank of blood and fear.

“You’ve got your orders?” 

Your attention shifted to a burly, broad-shouldered man who stood in the doorway between the hold and the cockpit, his arms folded across his chest, a gun strapped across his back, a similar mask concealing his features. But you knew who it was. Of course you did. It was the same motherfucker who’d held Naji by the throat not two days ago. 

Your past stayed silent, simply wringing her hands together as if to resist wrapping them around his throat.

“Not feeling talkative, Subject Eight?” his voice lilted with mocking as he leaned against the doorway in a way that told you this must have been one of the first interactions between them. 

Silently, the shadows in the craft started to shift, tendrils winding up his legs, around his waist and neck, and he only seemed to notice when they started to constrict.

“H-hey, what’re y–”

“Don’t fucking call me that,” your past hissed, slowly rising to her feet, her fingers flexing as darkness extended from her fingertips, sharpening into five long, razor-sharp claws. “I can show you things not even Kreva knows I can do.” With deadly quiet, she stalked across the floor, raising her hand to the man’s face, a claw pointed dangerously close to his eye. Those tendrils around his body tightened further, and you watched as he struggled to draw breath. 

Kreva.

Even hearing his name sent ice through your veins.

“It was– just a joke, Phantom.” He managed through strangled breaths, struggling to free himself as he started to rise from the floor, Phantom taking a step back from him as if to admire her work. 

“Drop zone in– what’s going on here?” another faceless soldier stepped through the door, sounding almost irritated at what he was seeing. Phantom’s head turned to him almost robotically, the shadows dissolving in an instant. 

“Just joking around.” She responded flatly, her voice devoid of all emotion. Was this seriously how you used to be?

“K, what did Doc say about pissing her off?” he asked his companion who had crumpled to the floor, a hand braced around his neck, his breaths strained and harsh. “Fucking idiot. Drop zone in five.” was all the newcomer said, before turning on his heel and marching out, K now scrambling to his feet to follow, muttering something that sounded like ‘crazy mutant bitch’ under his breath as he went. 

You watched as your past sighed, sitting back down heavily and bracing her head in her hands. You knew what she was doing. She was remembering why she was here. Who she was here for. This was one of the missions you’d volunteer for to save them. To save the rest of NLMO from the mental torture you were about to endure. Because that’s all these missions were. Mental, emotional torture. You didn’t want to hurt people. You hated how he made you hurt people. So many innocent lives would suffer because of the things you would do. 

It made you wonder which particular mission this was. 

Red lights flared to life, a deafening siren blaring as the doors to the hold opened and Phantom stood, checking her equipment one last time before another figure appeared through the door, and you felt yourself freeze in place.

Unnaturally skinny, tall, and had a pair of thick, round glasses perched on the end of his crooked nose. Terror stilled your breath as Doctor Kreva walked through the doors, placing two hands on either of Phantom’s shoulders.

She stiffened.

“My darling Eight. I wanted to wish you luck before your mission,” he drawled, relishing in the theatrics. “This should be easy enough for you, but in case you forget, Subject Five is primed and ready if you decide you want to stage another little rebellion.” 

Phantom released a shaky breath, her eyes closing behind her mask. It was your punishment. It was always your punishment. If you acted out, if you even thought about fighting back, they’d torture your brother to tighten your leash and force you to cooperate.

She stayed silent, and Kreva’s hand clawed into her shoulders and you felt the pressure against your own before he released her and took a step back and said nothing else as Phantom opened her eyes and took off at a run towards the open bay door, leaping into the dark sky beyond. 

You followed, copying her exact movements and dissolving into the dark before either of you struck the ground. You had a sneaking suspicion you couldn’t be hurt or killed within a memory, but you also didn’t particularly want to risk it. 

Rising up from the shadows, you took a moment to look around, spotting your past lightly jogging towards a dirt track. Bile rose in your throat. You knew what this mission was. Even in the dead of night, you’d recognise this location anywhere. Breath flew from your lungs as you tried to call out to yourself, beg her to stop before she did what she could never undo. But no sound left your mouth. You were mute, powerless to do nothing but watch and remember as Phantom stood in the centre of the track, statue-esque, silent. 

You followed at a sprint. If you couldn’t stop her verbally, then you’d take her out by force. You could stop this. You could change your past. This didn’t have to happen. Lowering your head, you lunged forward toward her, arms outstretched to tackle her to the floor.

Only, you passed straight through her, landing harshly on the other side of the dirt track. Though you felt no pain. Only the sharp jolt of coming to such a sudden stop. You looked back in terror as headlights shone from ahead, the low hum of engines cut through the silence of the night as four trucks approached your location, each with a silver caduceus painted into the back doors. 

These were medical trucks. Transporting supplies to the refugee hospital a little further away. Your head whipped around. How had you not seen the small, twinkling lights in the middle distance? This was a camp for those who had evacuated the small local town after the airstrike. 

Hundreds of children were taking shelter there. So many innocent lives you were about to snuff out. 

The trucks trundled to a stop, engines stuttering, and you watched as Phantom raised her hands in faux fear, slowly backing out of the cones of light. Four gunmen rushed to the front of the convoy, fingers braced on the triggers of their rifles, though hesitant to shoot. These weren’t soldiers. They hadn’t been trained to kill people. You realised they were more likely fathers, sons, brothers of those who had been injured or killed in the attack. The town was the centre of the uprising, and in one fell swoop, it had been completely obliterated.

These people were just trying to survive. Trying to recover.

Voices rang out in a language you didn’t understand, and you know your past self didn’t understand either. You watched as she bowed her head in submission, backing up a little further until she was completely out of the light. You remembered this. 

You knew what happened next. 

With a flick of her hand, a tendril of shadow whipped out from the darkness, wrapping around the first gunman’s neck and dragging him screaming into the tree line. Gunshots were fired, but none of them met their mark. These people barely knew how to use their weapons, let alone accurately. A jagged spike erupted from the night, spearing another through his spine with a wet squelch and raising him off the ground for the other two to watch, before slamming him back into the dirt, knives of obsidian rising from his own shadow to pierce through his back. 

Make them fear you. That was Kreva’s orders. Make them so terrified the thought of uprising was synonymous with pain and death. With loss and grief. 

With utter, paralysing terror. 

The two cowered back, a stray bullet firing into her shoulder. She took a single step back, the shadows in the gunman’s chest dissolving, leaving him choking in a pool of his own blood. Holy fuck he was still alive. 

You watched with sick awe as darkness wound up her legs to cover the wound, sifting through her skin and mending it flawlessly, leaving nothing but a small spot of blood. With a tilt of her head and a flick of her fingers, two humanoid figures rose from the shadows on either side of the track, stepping fearlessly into the light to flank the two remaining men. Your stomach convulsed as one of the figures disappeared completely into one man through his own silhouette, flinching as his neck snapped back, a black hand exploding up through his mouth, blood raining onto his face as he stood in a horrific exhibition of your forgotten mutation. He slumped to the floor, the shadow figure remaining standing as he twitched before falling completely still. 

The final gunman fell to his knees, muttering quickly and breathlessly and you realised he was praying. Several thorned whisps rose up from his shadow, snaking around his body, across his forehead, before Phantom’s fist started to tighten, and those thorns dug into his skin. Trails of crimson leaked down his face as they continued to constrict, his voice raising as he prayed, though for what or to whom, you didn’t know. Her fist closed completely, and with a sickening crunch of snapping bones, the shadows sectioned his body into pieces, his head split in two. 

Blood soaked into the earth as Phantom stepped back into the light, her eyes trained on the remaining people inside the cars, each too terrified to make any kind of move. Tears trailed down your face as five more figures formed from nothing, almost floating to each truck to silence the screams of the terrified until one remained. He was dragged through the dust by two of her puppets and thrown at her feet face down. Phantom crouched, raising his head with the tip of her finger beneath his chin, obsidian solidifying once again to arm her other hand with five sharp claws, shadows extending beyond her shoulder blades into two broad, black wings. 

She was every part the demon you used to be.

Dragging a razor down the side of his face, the man whimpered, flinching as she drew a line of scarlet over his brow and down his cheek. A mark. She was going to let him live, so there would always be somebody to remember what happened to those who fought back against the powers of the world. 

“Run,” Phantom whispered, and the man scrambled to his feet, slicing his chin against your claw, before taking off at a sprint in the direction he came, his footsteps fading into the deathly silence. She watched him go, flicking her wrist to the figures before they set to work dragging the various trucks into the shadow, tyres dissolving, medical equipment disappearing as if it were never there, lost to the darkness.

Phantom took a breath before her shoulders shook and she sunk to the ground, her conjurations dissolving into nothing as she was left in total darkness, sobs wracking her chest. You felt her anguish as your own, hot tears still leaking from your eyes as you stood. You wanted to tell her this wasn’t her fault. She didn’t have a choice. He made her do this. And if she wasn’t the one here right now, it would be someone else she cared for so fucking much. 

But you couldn’t say anything. Couldn’t do anything but watch as she tried to stifle her sobs, knowing her job wasn’t even close to being done yet. With hiccuping breaths, your past stood to her feet, sparing a glance at the carnage she’d left in her wake before her head turned to the camp in the distance. Her hands balled into fists, and you remembered the way you had to gaslight yourself into continuing. ‘This is the last mission.’ ‘He’ll set you all free after this.’ ‘Rowan will be safe.’ ‘Jade will be safe.’

Jade.

You felt your heart crack as you thought of her. How could you have forgotten about Jade? Why had Kreva erased everything of another one of his own subjects? Clenching your jaw, you shook your head slightly. 

Not now. 

Phantom had already started striding toward the camp, and you found yourself following her, despite the fear pumping through your blood. You didn’t want to remember this. You’d made a mistake. You didn’t want this. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. The things you’d done. The people you’d killed. Was this all you were good for? A weapon for Kreva to use at his disposal? A tool to inflict the same amount of agony as those he would use on you in that fucking room? 

You didn’t want this.

You didn’t want this.

Your surroundings started to stutter and glitch as you started to fight against remembering. Fight against Charles hold in your mind. You couldn’t do this. You were happyer forgetting. Happier not knowing who you were and what you’d done.

The darkness swirled like paint mixed on a palette, colours blending and twisting around you, your hands clawing at either side of your temples, clutching your head tightly as if to withdraw him from your mind. 

You didn’t want this.

You didn’t want this.

You didn’t want this. 

You didn’t want this.

Logan’s heart started to race as Charles grimaced, his hand clutching yours ached from the weight of your tight grip, your nails digging into his skin. His other hand came to brush your hair from your forehead between Charles’ hands on your temples, attempting to settle your switching head, swiping his thumb against your brow.

“It’s okay…” he hushed, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “‘S’okay firefly, you’re okay.” His soothing became more desperate as you started to writhe on the table, your back arching as if you were possessed. “The hell’s going on?” he asked, panic rising in his throat.

“She’s… she’s fighting it.” Charles grit, eyes screwed shut as he attempted to navigate your battling mind. His fingers against your head tensed, applying more pressure to either side of your temples. “I’m losing her.”

“Then get her back!” Logan cried, wild fear beating his heart like a warning drum. He couldn’t lose you. He just got you back for Christ’s sake. He couldn’t lose you again. And he was so damn useless when it came to this stuff. He didn’t know what the fuck to do. If you needed somebody taken out, sure, he’s the guy. But mind shit? Brain shit? He was floundering in the same darkness he imagined you were. 

“What did I say about distractions?” Charles barked curtly in response, his neck flexing as he fought to keep you in his grasp. All Logan could do was continue to smooth your brow, whispering sweet nothings as you continued to twitch and bow. A whip of shadow lanced into his peripheral from the corner of the room, and he was barely able to lunge forward in time to shield Xavier from the spear before it lashed through his head.

Pain shook Logan’s system from his shoulder, blood leaking from where your mutation had pierced him and stuck there, sharp, thorny barbs preventing him from breaking free. “Y’alright?” He asked, voice a little strained as his entire body sang with pulsing agony. You must be remembering your mutation. 

Charles nodded, though his eyes still closed, still focused on taming your hurricane of a mind. 

Logan grit his teeth against the wild thrashing of the vine through his shoulder, his arm tensing as it pulls against his strength in an attempt to drag him back. But moving wasn’t an option right now. He knew the intention was to take out Charles, to stop whatever it was he was doing, and he had to remind himself time and time again that this was for your benefit. This was to help you, no matter how much it shattered his heart to see you in so much pain. Not only was he fighting against your own mutation, but he was fighting his instincts not to tear Xavier away from your head and shred him apart for doing this to you. 

Another vine burst through his other shoulder, droplets of his blood staining your skin as you bucked to free yourself. He cried your name, terror lacing his tone as a third vine plunged into his back and through his chest, whipping slightly before pulling back and tugging.

He felt his weight start to shift, his feet grinding against the wooden floor as he struggled to win over the contest of strength. How was something seemingly made from nothing so fucking strong? Barbed thorns sank deeper into his skin, a grunt of pain flying from his lips, sweat beading his brow. 

Jean burst through the doors, either having heard the commotion or after being called by Charles. 

“Logan?!” She started, horrified by the display, but he waved her off quickly. 

“‘M fine. Help Chuck.” He instructed harshly, though Jean hesitated a moment, her eyes wide. He knew why. Of course he knew why. After what happened three years ago, everybody was so damn afraid of you and what you could do. Fear had her glancing frantically between your possessed form and Charles’ struggle. “Jean, please. I– I can’t lose her again…” he admitted shakily, gritting his teeth against another sharp wave of pain from yet another savage tug of the tendrils in his body. 

It seemed to be the push she needed, scrambling forward and around the foot of the bed to stand by Charles’ side, covering his hands with her own and closing her eyes. 

Agony coursed through his system as his knees buckled, looking down to bare his teeth at another frantic thorn that had burst through the space between his joint and kneecap. He’d take it. Fuck, he’d take anything if he knew he was helping you in some way, even as the shadow wrapped around his leg, tearing at the flesh beneath his jeans. He’d endure it if it meant he’d get you back.

Everything was too loud. Like the centre of a tornado, your memories ripped and tore at your brain, slashing through your consciousness, ripping at your brain. Shards of agony, both physical and mental, had you sinking to the floor, hands clamped over your ears, head buried between your knees. Your hair whipped around your hidden brow, a cacophony of screams and torment bursting your eardrums. There was no happiness here. No comfort. Even memories of your brother were laced with poison. Every image of Jade followed up by the night of her death. Her death was brought by your own fucking hands. You’d seen how you’d torn her apart, desperation to help clouding your senses, seeing her as yet another adversary in your way. In a roaring cloud of shadow, you’d shredded her to nothing, and even as you flayed the skin from her body, she smiled. She told you she loved you.

And you’d left her skeleton in your wake. 

You killed. You maimed. You hurt. You’d caused pain. You’d caused anguish. Heartbreak. Agony. It was as Kreva had said. You were a machine. An instrument devoid of any semblance of humanity. You had to be. The things you’d done… you couldn’t have had an ounce of empathy in your body. 

You’d killed the woman you loved.

And you’d tried to kill the man you love. Memories of that day's training had circled your mind like a carousel of torment. Fighting tooth and nail to claw a path out and escape. Landing blow after blow on the man you’d fallen in love with, every strike flung to kill. 

‘He forgave you.’

You tensed, waiting for the following punch to the gut that was taking far too long to arrive.

‘We forgave you.’

A sob wracked from your chest, your head pressing further into your knees. You just wanted everything to stop. The noise, the damn noise, you wanted everything to end. 

‘You’re not alone anymore.’

Your breath shuddered from your mouth, tears and saliva staining your t-shirt. You knew that voice. Her soft cadence like a balm.

‘I forgive you.’

Slowly, and with no small degree of trepidation, you raised your head. Your lungs froze, eyes stuck on the woman before you. Her pearly smile. Her smooth, bronze skin almost glowed in the lack of light. Black hair cropped short by her ears, bright blond highlights making her look like some kind of alternative angel. 

A gold locket shone brightly at the hollow of her throat, a beacon in the void. You shook slightly as she took a step toward you, taking a knee in front of your curled form. 

“Jade…?” You breathed her name like a question, unsure if this was real or yet another nightmarish scenario in which you’d have to watch her die yet again. But the moment her fingertips grazed your cheek, you found your answer.

“Hey, Shadow.”

Tears flowed freely down your face as you looked into her cerulean eyes, so full of earnest forgiveness you felt yourself shatter. The nickname you hadn’t heard in so long breaking down every part of yourself you’d held together by a thread. You surged forward into her arms, finally finding something you could connect with in the warmth of her embrace. 

“How… how’re you here?” You asked shakily, tears saturating her black shirt a few shades darker before you pulled back, shaking your head in disbelief. “How–”

“I’m a part of you, numbnuts. Of course I’m here.” She said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re focussing on the shit Kreva put us through. Focussing on the pain you’ve brought. So now I have to drag your sorry ass through a bunch of happy memories to remind you how much of a rockstar you actually are.” She punched your arm lightly and you laughed a little, the sound split by the lump in your throat. 

“First time I see you in three years and you punch me?” You asked, wiping the tears from your face with the heel of your palm before taking her outstretched hand, your knees groaning at the release of pressure as you stood.

“Yeah well, someone had to slap some sense into you, and since your new boyfriend isn’t here, I guess I’m the next best thing.” She winked, though guilt spiked through your gut. 

“Jade… I–”

“Shadow, I’m dead. If you spent the rest of your life single and sex-less because of me, I’d be so mad at you. Though I wasn’t exactly thrilled when you tried to forget about me, but I get it.” She shrugged, holding your hand in her own. You’d forgotten just how blunt she could be, though it was a breath of fresh air from everyone tiptoeing around you in regard to her death. 

“Can’t argue with that, I guess…” you huffed a small smile, finding a calm sense of contentment simply being here in her presence again. 

“Speaking of your new man, I think he’d be a great place to start.” She grinned at you, waving her hand as the glitching images of your past started to shift and change, settling on a scene you knew extremely well. It wasn’t so long ago you were there, reading in the little window seat of the forest cabin, watching whatever Logan was up to outside. 

The colours of the cabin separated, morphing into the kitchen and lounge, and you watched the ghost of your past self materialise on the sofa, the tartan blanket covering your legs, your nose buried in a copy of Ghosted, the paranormal love story you’d been so hooked on in your first month moving there. Though from the way you were devouring the pages, you realised this must have been your re-read.

Jade raised a brow to you as if to say ‘seriously?’ and you snorted a laugh.

“What? It had a good plot. Sad ending though…”

“‘M’not judging.” Her voice told you anything but.

The occasional crackle of the hearth and swish of flipping pages broke the calm silence before the door to the cabin pushed open and Logan stepped through, toeing off his shoes at the door before closing it swiftly, preventing any further heat from escaping. Your brows furrowed as you tried to remember this specific memory. How had you instantly understood all those times where you’d killed so many and yet this was something you had to strain yourself to recall? Your eyes fell on a small, wrapped package he held in his hands.

What was this?

“Stop thinking so damn hard and just watch.” Jade elbowed you and you shot her a look of faux irritation but acquiesced nonetheless. 

You watched your own ghost look to the door, her eyes lighting up instantly when she saw him, placing her book on the coffee table and rising to lean over the back of the sofa. “Hey Lo’! All done?” She asked, and Logan’s expression softened when he saw her.

Did he really look at you like that?

“Yeah. Should be good for ‘another month or so, weather depending. Come over here a sec, wanna tell you somethin’.” You could see the subdued excitement in his eyes as your past stood from the sofa, draping the blanket over her shoulders, a brow raised in suspicion. 

Logan set the package on the table before his hands cupped the sides of your neck and he stooped to press a lingering kiss to your lips. Your past smiled against him, arms snaking around his neck as he pulled back from you, cheeks pursed as he tried to suppress a grin. 

“What’s up with you?” She asked, eyeing him with amused scepticism. Logan turned her in his arms, resting his chin on her shoulder as she huffed a small laugh. 

“Open it.” He ghosted his lips against her ear, and she leaned back into him, a hand holding his arm around her waist, the other picking up the little, strangely shaped package, brown paper crinkled in odd ways. 

She cast him a glance, Logan nodding back to your hands with encouragement, before you started to slowly tear the paper from whatever was hidden inside. Your heart surged as your memory slowly returned, a fond smile pulling at your lips as you watched your past suck in a soft gasp.

“Logan… this is gorgeous.” 

Paper now discarded, she held a small, delicate pinewood carving of a miniature cabin in her hands, accurate to the exterior of the one you were in right now, log pile and all. Her eyes filled with awe as she turned it gently in her fingers, tracing the artistry with the tip of her thumb. “Is this what you’ve been doing?” She asked, turning to face him, though still looking down at the carving as if she couldn’t tear her eyes away.

“Kinda. Been prepping for the weather too, but most of the time, yeah ‘ve been doin’ this. Happy birthday, firefly.” 

Her head snapped up to look at him, confusion etching her features. “Wait, what? I don’t even know my birthday, how did you–”

He silenced her with his lips moving languidly against hers, his hands falling to her hips, thumb tracing smooth circles against the sliver of skin where her hoodie had risen up a little. 

“I have my ways.” He murmured against her, taking the carving from her hand and placing it down on the table before lifting her against him, her legs instinctively locking around his waist. 

“He found it in the file…” You breathed, the memory fading from view to shelter both you and Jade in muted darkness once again. “From the first time he read it. The first page had all my information, including my date of birth. He didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to bring it up, but I realised after we read it together. That was how he knew.” You explained quietly as Jade’s hand settled on your shoulder.

“You know… he’s out there now. Waiting for you. He loves you so much, Shadow. I know because he looks at you the same way I did.” 

That all too familiar lump started to form in your throat, your hand crossing your front to hold your arm. “He does now but… how can I face him, Jade? Knowing what I’ve done, knowing how much pain I’ve caused. I– I killed you… I ripped you apart and I didn’t even remember doing it.”

Jade’s hands cupped the sides of your face, forcing you to look at her even when you begged to look away. “It was an accident. You saw what they were doing and your subconscious snapped. You felt their pain as your own and you couldn’t fight the urge to save them. I’m not about to hold that against you. Nobody should. You never wanted anyone to go through what we did, and the fact you volunteered for every goddamn mission solidifies that.

“You have saved so many. You have helped so many. And you are cared for by so many. And nobody cares for you more than Logan. You’ll face him because you love him. And you’ll forgive yourself because he forgives you.” Her thumb swiped against a tear sliding down your cheek. “Just like I forgive you.”

Her words splintered through your resolve of self-loathing, shattering every conception you had of yourself and leaving room for something new. Something unfamiliar. 

Hope.

“Now c’mon. This isn’t the only thing I wanted to show you. In case you still need convincing, you have an arsenal of memories to prove me right. And there’s nothing I love more than proving myself right.” She grinned widely, and you nodded, words failing you as she waved her hand again, the colours of your mind swirling and settling to the image of the danger room, and she took your hand again as she showed you every forgotten part of yourself. 

Logan steadied his breathing as your body settled back on the table, the thorns in his body retracting and slinking back into the shadows with your newfound calm. Whatever Jean had managed to do was working, his skin itching slightly as it knitted back together. Though he stayed in place out of fear of making things worse. He didn’t know if approaching you would spark up your torment again, so he stayed still, his knee against the floor, watching cautiously. 

He didn’t know how long it had been since you fell unconscious, but his arms ached to hold you again, to have you pressed against his chest, your face buried in the crook of his neck. He fought every urge to move back to your side, knowing that staying was most likely for the best, and gave you the best opportunity of coming back to him. But that didn’t lessen the longing to feel you. 

“So? Thoughts and prayers?” Jade asked the final memory she wanted to show you fading into the background of your mind. You sighed heavily, unable to deny it anymore. You’d done good in your life. Perhaps not quite enough to outweigh the bad, but you were getting there. She’d shown you the memory of when you first met Marie, forced you to watch as you tried so damn hard to convince her. Sure, you may have failed that time, but that didn’t take away from all the other times you’d succeeded. Besides, she’d found Logan not long after, so that had all worked out for the best anyway.

“Yeah, alright, maybe you were right… just maybe,” you admitted reluctantly, much to the girl’s triumphant laugh. 

“Fucking knew it! Ha-HA! Told you I’d convince you. God, I’m so good at this.” She grinned wildly, and you huffed a fond smile. Though you knew this couldn’t last forever, you were so fucking grateful for the time you’d had with her now. The weight of unspoken words between you had lifted from your chest, though another had settled there.

You had to say goodbye. 

“Jade…” you began, only to trail off instantly. Her grin shrank slightly into something of understanding companionship. Taking both your hands in her own, she squeezed slightly.

“Yeah, I know. Can’t last forever, right? Besides, I don’t think we would have lasted very long anyway. Not if tall, dark and broody had waltzed in a couple years later,” you chuckled tearily, knowing she was absolutely right. 

“I was never blind to how you looked at Ororo, by the way.” You shot back lightly, and Jade shrugged in faux innocence.

“What? She’s gorgeous. Sue me.” She winked again, and a comfortable silence settled between the two of you. “Oh, right. I wanted to give you this. Since you chucked your away and everything and I don’t really need it…” her hands fiddled with the clasp of her necklace behind her, and your heart skipped a beat as the locket fell into her hands, before she placed it in yours and closed your fist around it. 

“I can’t take this.” You muttered, searching her face for anything that would tell you she didn’t want you to have it. But your search came up short. 

“Of course you can. What am I gonna do with it? Not sure it’ll come with you when you wake up, but let’s just give it a go, yeah?” Your breath choked as you saw her own eyes well up, and you realised this must be just as hard for her as it was for you. You wished you could have both. You wished you could take her with you.

But she was just a memory. Sure, she was real, but only in here. 

“Okay…” you nodded slightly, and she tilted your head up with her finger beneath your chin.

“Don’t get stuck in the past. You have a family out there waiting for you. You’re not alone anymore,” tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear, your soul cracked as she started to fade. “Oh, and when you take on Kreva, kick his balls for me, yeah? Bastard deserves what’s coming for him.” She grinned wickedly, and you nodded again, your voice caught in your throat. “Give ‘em hell, Shadow.” 

Jade punched her fist in the air as her image faded completely, the rest of your surrounding mind fading into white.

With a sharp gasp, your eyes flew open, seeing nothing but light before you blinked a couple of times, your vision returning as you registered both Charles and Jean looking a little worse for wear.

“Welcome back.” Xavier smiled tiredly, and you sucked in a breath. You were back. You were home. You remembered everything, from the start of your torture eighty years ago to the moment you lay on the bed. Steadily, you pushed your arm beneath you to rise into a sit, bracing a hand on your forehead as it to stem the slight headache from remembering over a century of memories. 

“You feeling okay?” Jean asked a little hesitantly, leaning against the back of Charles’ wheelchair. You didn’t remember her being in the room when you started, but you guessed what had happened in your mind had been reflected in the conscious world. 

“Yeah… I’m okay.” You responded, cricking your neck to the side before a voice you didn’t know you needed to hear called your name from your left. 

Tears lined your lashes as you took in his appearance. Spots of blood stained his white singlet, a large rip had torn through the knee of his jeans, a bloom of scarlet had drenched the fibres. You didn’t need to ask what happened, you already knew.

But the way he looked at you, terrified hope dancing in his hazel eyes, you couldn’t stop the way your legs swung from the bed and you all but leapt into his arms, holding him so impossibly tight as if he’d disappear into thin air. 

But he wouldn’t. Because this was real. He was real. And just as Jade as promised, he was waiting for you.

“Logan…” you breathed in his scent, comfort blossoming where it wrapped around your heart. And Logan swore he’d never let go of you, not as his hand braced the back of your head, his other pressed against your spine as he held you. And held you.

“Thought I lost you for a minute there,” he tried to play off just how utterly petrified he was when Charles said he was losing you, but the way you nuzzled closer into his neck told him you saw right through him, and he didn’t hesitate to press his cheek to the top of your head. Wordlessly, Charles nodded to Jean, and the two of them silently decided to leave you in peace, closing the door behind them as they left. 

Logan shifted you so you were cradled completely in his lap, your legs straddling his bended knees as he basked in your presence, in your touch. He had you. You were back.

You were home.

“What happened in there?” He asked, his tone hushed as you pulled back slightly, only far enough to look him in the eye, his hand on the back of your head skirting to rest against the side of your face. 

“I was focussing on the shit I’d done…” you explained quietly, leaning into his palm. “I was so wrapped up in the pain I’d caused I couldn’t think of anything else.” 

Logan rested his brow against your own, empathy pulling at the strings of his heart. He knew that feeling so damn well, and to know you had experienced that exact same thing tugged at his very soul, harder than anything your mutation had done to him earlier.

“How d'ya get out of it?”

Only then did you brain register the warmth of metal in your closed fist, the slight dig of a dainty chain in your soft palm. Removing one of your arms from around his neck, you opened your hand in the space between you, a smile of fond disbelief creasing your brow as you looked down at the gold locket nestled in your palm. You didn’t question how it happened. Didn’t question how she’d somehow made something materialise from nothing but your memory. That wasn’t even part of her mutation. 

It was something that wasn’t meant to be questioned, even as Logan’s head tilted in slight confusion. 

“Ran into an old ex.” you said by means of explanation as recognition dawned on his face. He knew he’d seen that locket before, and gratitude filled his chest. He’d never get to meet Jade, but he hoped she knew, somehow, just how thankful he was for her. “She approves of you, by the way.” You grinned, and Logan wondered how he’d gone even this long without kissing you.

“I’ll have to find a way to thank her, then,” he whispered, before pulling you in and sealing his lips to yours, pouring every ounce of sheer, raw love he had for you into the way his tongue danced with yours, savouring how your arm returned around his neck and held him there, your chest pressed against his own, his heart almost reaching out to yours. 

He had you back. 

You were home.

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 8.5: 007- Peña, Agent Peña

Summary: After Javi's surprise on the Peña ranch, you had already had the best night of your life. Little did you know, your night was just beginning.

Word Count: 4.9K (This is as short as it's ever gonna get, this is just who I am)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up), creampie, praise (oh boy, does Javi tell you what a good job you're doing), semi-public nudity?? (not really, but you'll see!!), mentions of eating/food, mentions of alcohol, mentions of loss of a parent, you and Javi being absolute goofballs and being lovesick idiots

A/N: SO. I finished Chapter 8 and went to go walk my dog, and the song "Would That I" by Hozier came on, and it 100% is the inspiration behind this mini chapter. I literally came up with the idea for this chapter and wrote it in less than 24 hours because Javi and Osita live in my head rent free at all times being the cutest two idiots to ever exist. Enjoy this fun lil bit, it's honestly probably my favorite thing that I've written for this series so far!!!

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“I’m not sure if cold, post sex and first I love you’s is the way that your dad intended us to eat these enchiladas, but holy shit are they delicious.” You and Javi laughed, finishing the last bites of the enchiladas verdes Chucho had packed for the both of you. It probably would have made more sense to eat dinner almost an hour ago when Javi had first taken you out to watch the sunset in the back of his truck, but, no offense to Chucho’s enchiladas, having the most romantic sex of your life followed by Javi telling you that he loved you for the first time seemed to take higher priority to you. 

“These ones are actually pretty good, I will give him that. Thank God he’s finally starting to get better at cooking, a few months ago his food was practically inedible.” Javi shook his head, wiping his face with the back of his hand as gathered both of your cleared paper plates and forks, tossing them into the empty paper bag Chucho had sent them with. 

“Actually? I didn’t know he had come such a long way in his cooking career in such a short time.” You snickered, pulling some of the blankets laying at the edge of the truck bed over you as you scooted yourself closer to Javi, laying your head against his chest as you snuggled next to him. Pulling you closer, Javi wrapped his arm around you, fingers tracing gentle circles along the back of his sweatshirt you were now wearing. 

“Actually. He never cooked until my mom died. One day he called me while I was still in Colombia and told me he had found one of my mom’s recipe books and was gonna teach himself how to cook. When I came home, he insisted on making me dinner every night so he could show off whatever he was learning. I ate a lot of sandwiches after he fell asleep the first few months I was home.” 

“Well despite the terrible food you had to eat, that’s actually really sweet. Glad I came around when I did so I only have to reap the benefits of his good cooking and not suffer along with you.” You giggled as he squeezed you before giving you a playful shake wrapped in his arms. “Can you cook at all, or is this a warning that you’re gonna subject me to your awful cooking too?” 

“I can cook enough. Not a good cook by any means, but definitely not my Pops a few months ago. Can do more than Kraft Mac and Cheese, I’ll tell you that much.” He smirked, poking fun at the first meal you had made. You sat up, giving him the biggest stink face you could muster without bursting into laughter.

“Okay, first of all, rude. Second of all, don’t act like you wouldn’t have eaten an entire second pot if I hadn’t made one for you, Mr. Literally Will Literally Eat Anything Under The Sun In World Record Time.” 

“If I seem to remember correctly, you weren’t doing a lot of complaining after I ate, Osita.” He winked at you as you nudged your elbow into his side before he grabbed you, rolling you over and playfully wrestling you into the pile of pillows and blankets beneath you. “C’mere, Hermosa.” He wrapped his arms around you as you giggled and squirmed beneath him, trying to wiggle your way out of his grasp. You kicked your feet as he kissed at your neck, his mustache ticking you with each peck of his lips. Using all your might, you were able to roll over on top of him, straddling his lap as he lay on his back, breaking free of his grasp.

“Can’t get me that easy, Peña. Wrestling was the only way I got anything from my brothers for the first ten years of my life.” You smirked as you leaned down to kiss him as his fingertips gripped into your hips, pulling you further on to his lap. 

“Could think of worse ways to lose a wrestling match.” Javi’s face smug as he gestured to how you were sitting on top of him, letting out a quiet groan as you started to grind into his lap, feeling him already half hard beneath you. “Careful, Hermosa. Not gonna be so nice if you’re gonna try to play dirty.” He raised his eyebrows, waiting for you to make the next move. 

Still bent over him, you kissed up his neck and jaw before nipping at his ear. “Last time I checked, you liked it when I played dirty.” Your whispers left jaw slack, pressing up into you, his dick already straining against the fabric of his sweatpants. 

“Fuck me.” He murmured under his breath as you began to grind harder into his crotch. “You wanna play dirty, baby? I can play fuckin’ dirty.” You could see the lust filled in the dark pool of his eyes, biting down on your lip, already feeling the slick pooling between your legs with each sway of your hips. “You already wet for me, baby?” 

This man read you like a book- like he had every fucking page memorized. “Mmmhhhmm.” You nodded, feeling how soaked the fabric of your sweatpants already was as you felt your clit rub deliciously against Javi’s dick, hard and heavy underneath you. 

“I know you are, dirty girl. Want me to touch you baby? Want me to make you come before I fuck that perfect pussy again?” You nodded again, frantically shaking your head yes at his filthy words as you worked yourself against his length. He laughed to himself, shaking his head as he watched how blissed out you already were rubbing against him. “Too bad.” 

You paused, shooting him a confused look. “What do you mean, too bad?” 

“You know exactly what I mean. You wanna play dirty, I will too. You wanna come? You get yourself off like this.” He gave you a subtle nod of his head, gesturing to how you were sitting on top of his lap. 

“Are you serious? Javi, c’mon, please.” You rolled your eyes at him as you crossed your arms over your chest, trying to play off how desperate you already were for him. 

“Rules are rules baby. Fight dirty, play dirty. C’mon pretty girl, I know how needy you are, how wet that pretty pussy is for me.” He mewled as he toyed with the waistband of your sweatpants, fingers brushing against your skin. He dug his fingers into your hips, slowly pushing them back and forth against his lap, encouraging you to pick back up your pace brushing up against his dick with every motion. “There you go, hermosa. That’s my girl. Just like that, baby.” He praised as you found yourself rubbing harder and harder against him, slick coating your thighs. With his length, it wasn’t hard to feel how big he was, making it easy to find a sweet spot that brushed up against your sensitive bundle of nerves as you rocked your hips back  and forth over him. 

“Javiiiii, fuck.” You whined, feeling the heat build at the base of your spine as your clit rubbed harder and harder on his covered cock. 

“That’s it, Osita. Doing so good for me, baby. God, you look so fucking pretty riding me like that, C’mon, I know you’re close sweetheart.” His praise had you climbing towards your high, each time you ground your hips into him had you closer and closer to coming undone. His name fell from your lips, moaning as he was gripping your hips again pushing you deeper into him. 

“Javi, I’m so close. Fuck, fuck fuckkkkkk.” You whimpered as you felt the euphoria rush through you, gushing, feeling your pussy throb from the intensity of your orgasm. You slumped into him, face falling on to his chest as you caught your breath. 

“Such a good girl, Osita. My good fucking girl. Did so good for me baby.” He whispered in your ear as hand his hands along your body, trembling at his touch. “Still want me to fuck you, dirty girl?” 

“Yes, holy shit, yes.” You moaned. “Please, I need you so bad Javi.” He helped you pull your sweatpants down, kicking them off your feet as you straddled back over Javi, sitting on top of his thighs. Slipping your fingers under his waistband, you pushed the pants down, revealing his dick, already red, precum leaking from its tip, leaving a stain on his sweatpants. You lifted yourself up, slowly sinking down on his length, each inch splitting you open with the sweetest stretch. Even without his fingers to warm you up, you were so wet that you took him easily, feeling yourself bottom out on his cock as Javi let out an audible groan. His hands reached around, giving you a light smack on your ass before his fingers kneaded into your flesh. You began to raise yourself up and down along his length, swirling your hips as your hands tugged at the hem of his sweatshirt that you were wearing, ready to take it off. His hand grabbed your wrist, stopping you before you could get any further. 

“Keep it on. Fuck, I love seeing you in my clothes.” He bit down on his lip as you nodded, rubbing your hands up and down his chest as you threw your head back, drunk on the way his dick felt hitting against that sweet spot inside you. The hair around his base rubbed against your clit, making you whine as you picked up your pace. “Jesus Hermosa, fuck me. Taking me so well. My sweet girl.” His voice was thick and raspy between his heavy breaths, his eyes glued on your every move as you rode him. 

Suddenly, you felt him shift. Sitting up with his back pushed up against the truck, he wrapped his arms around you pulling you in so you were chest to chest, foreheads pressed against each other. You could feel him thrust up into you, his cock punching that magical spot that made the heat at the base of your spine creep up your back. “Javi, fuck baby, you feel so good. Fuckkk.” You tugged at his thick curls, burying your face in the crook of his neck, the scent of his sweet and spicy cologne clinging to his sweatshirt. 

“I know, hermosa, I know. Fuck, you’re so wet and tight, baby. Gonna give me one more? Soak my dick before I fuck you full of me again?” You wrapped your legs around his waist, digging your fingers into his back as you felt yourself snap, screaming his name as pleasure ran through every inch of you. You could feel how tight you were clenching around his cock as you came, his thrusts pounding deeper and faster into you. It didn’t take long for him to meet his own end, only needing a few more pumps before you felt his seed spill into you, leaking down your thighs and into his lap as you slumped into each other. 

“Fuck, Osita.” He whispered between his labored breathing, lifting his head off your shoulder, smiling at your blissed out face. “Jesus, I fucking love you.” 

“I love you too, Jav. Super romantic with your dick still in me and your cum dripping down my legs.” You giggled, still sitting in his lap. 

“It’s fucking hot, is what it is. Fuck me, you’re so sexy. What the fuck did I ever do to deserve such a beautiful woman who fucking loves me like you?” 

“God, you’re so sweet. Get your dick out of me before I start crying again, you menace.” You both laughed as you shifted off of him, grimacing at the mess you had left behind in Javi’s lap. “Do you have any towels, or leftover napkins? Sorry, I made a fucking mess. So much for those showers before we left.” 

Javi paused for a moment before a sly grin crept across his face. “Ostia, can you swim?

You raised an eyebrow at him, very confused by his question, considering you were surrounded by a gigantic, grassy field. “What? Yes, of course I can swim? Why are you asking me that? How is knowing if I can swim helpful right now?”  

His smile turned giddy, smirking at you as he shimmied his sweatpants back over his legs. “C’mon, get in the truck.” He slid himself off the back of the truck bed, standing up and outstretching his hand toward you. You quickly pulled your sweatpants back on too, following behind him as he helped you out of the truck and picked you up to put you in the passenger seat. 

“Javi, what the hell are we doing? Are you gonna go throw me in a trough or something? Listen, I love those cows, but I am not gonna be happy if you toss me into a bucket full of dirty cow spit water.” You crossed your arms at him, waiting for a response. 

“You’ll see.” He winked at you before shutting your door, hopping over to the driver’s side and starting up the car. 

“You’re lucky I love you.” You grumbled, still crossing his arms at him. He reached over the center console, giving you a quick kiss before pulling away and shifting the truck into drive. 

“I’m a very lucky man, indeed.” You finally shifted out of your playfully grumpy demeanor, melting as Javi stared at you, his sweet, puppy dog eyes making your heart explode every time they landed on you. You turned up the radio as Javi pulled away, heading the opposite direction that you came from, his headlights shining on a thick patch of trees at the end of one of the pastures. Driving a little deeper into the wooded area, Javi put the car in park, leaving you even more confused than when you left. He smiled at you as he shut off the ignition, hopping out the door before coming around to your side, helping you out of the car. 

“God, I thought driving me out to the middle of the field was bad, but taking me out into the woods in the pitch black? You really never are beating these serial killer allegations, I’m afraid.” 

“You’re the worst, do you know that?” Javi shook his head as he grabbed your hand, pulling you along with him as he began to walk through the trees. 

“I’m just saying! Listen, if you really wanted- Hey! Hey! Put me down!” You squealed as Javi picked you up, flinging you over his shoulder as you pounded your fists against his back, kicking and giggling with each step he took. God, was he strong. He carried you like it was nothing, laughing to himself as he watched you try to wriggle your way out of his fireman hold. Letting out a huff of defeat, you slumped further into him, staring at the ground as he took each step. 

“At least I have a good view of your ass from here.” You snickered as he continued walking. 

“You really like my butt, don’t you?” He laughed, rustling you in his grasp, still flung over his shoulder. 

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you are built like a God, Javier Peña. You’re very much proving your point right now carrying my fat ass through the woods.” 

He stopped, setting you down so you were facing towards him, placing his strong hand under your chin before tilting it up towards him. You gazed up at him, a surprisingly serious look spread across his face. “Hey. I love your ass. I love your body. Every curve, every single bit of you. Okay?”  

“Okay.” You softly replied, pulling you in tighter as he kissed the top of your head. “So are you gonna tell me where the hell we’re going, or are you just gonna keep carrying me through the woods?” 

“Turn around.” He nodded his head, gesturing behind you. As you spun around, you saw the moonlight sparkle off ripples of the pond in front of you. Rocks and tall grass surrounded the edges, water from a small stream flowing from behind the reeds into the pond. An old, worn wooden dock sat at the end, hovering over the first few feet out into the water. You turned back around to look at Javi, now smirking at your pleasant surprise with his most recent mystery. “I was out here every day as a kid in the summer. Nothing much, but it was deep enough to swim in. Haven’t been back here since high school, probably.”

“Is this where you’d take all the ladies to woo them with your swimming skills?” You joked, giving Javi a nudge as he stared around the pond. 

“No.” He laughed, shaking his head. “Just me and my friends, sometimes my cousins when they came over, if I was lucky.” 

“Well, I feel very honored to be the first lucky woman to get to see this secret pond.” You replied, slipping your sweatpants off your waist, leaving your bottom half exposed. Javi’s jaw dropped for the second time today watching you strip yourself of your clothes. “What?” You looked at him as your sweatshirt came next, dropping in a pile next to your pants, leaving you fully naked in front of him. “Aren’t we getting in?” You tilted your head at the pond, smirking at Javi who was now speechless. 

“You sure?” He said, gulping as he looked you up and down, your soft skin glowing in the moonlight. 

“Would I be standing here naked if I wasn’t?” You shrugged your shoulders as you raised an eyebrow at him. “You gonna swim in your sweats or am I gonna keep standing here like a naked idiot waiting for you?” Before you could say anything else, Javi’s clothes were on the ground next to yours, leaving you both bare, hidden amongst the secluded trees. This time, you grabbed his hand, running as you pulled him to the end of the dock, abruptly pausing as you got to the edge. “Are there like, weird things in here? It’s deep enough to jump in, right?” 

“Hermosa, just get in, you’re fine.” 

“Okay, but like-” 

“Osita, get in or I’m gonna push you in.”  

“You wouldn’t dare.” 

“You know I fucking will.” 

“Ugh okay, okay! Just promise me-” 

“1…” 

“Javi, wait-” 

“2…” 

“I’m being serious, don’t you do it! Javier Jesús Peña, I swear to God-” 

“3!” 

Before you could finish, Javi had his arms wrapped around your waist, swinging you back and forth, throwing you over the edge of the dock, limbs flailing as you splashed into the water. You peeked your head up, running your hands over your face as you watched Javi laughing hysterically. You flung your hand against the water, trying your best to splash him as he still stood at the edge thoroughly amused with himself. 

“I hate you, I hope you know that.” You grumbled, splashing him again. “Hey, wait, where are you going?” You shouted as you watched Javi turn around, making his way off the dock. It wasn’t long before you regretted asking the question, as Javi quickly turned around, getting a running start as he launched himself off the edge, drenching you as he drove into the water, making waves that splashed against you upon his entrance. You swam there for a moment, waiting for his head to pop up somewhere next to you, when suddenly, you felt something wrap around your ankle, making you absolutely screech at the top of your lungs. You swam as fast as you could back to the edge of the dock, clinging to the edge as you heard more hysterical laughter behind you, turning around to see Javi cackling to himself as you panted breathlessly, waiting for your heart rate to return to a semi-normal pace. 

“Holy shit, I didn’t think I was gonna scare you that bad, Osita.” He came down from his laughter, looking over at you hanging from the wooden planks still trying to catch your breath. “I’m sorry, baby. Are you okay?” He swam closer to you, now seeming like he felt a little remorse for what he had done. 

You took a few more deep breaths before letting go of the dock, looking back at him. Now only an arms’ length away from you, you swam full force towards Javi, wrapping your body around his, trying to wrestle him in the water. “You are an absolute jerk, you know that?” You grunted between your giggles as Javi grabbed you back, spinning you as you thrashed in the water, splashing it in his face before he grabbed your face to kiss him. Your legs locked around Javi’s hips, arms wrapping around his neck as his slipped behind your back, pulling you closer, feeling weightless in the water. He drew away for a moment, taking one of his hands to caress your face, rubbing his thumb along your jaw. 

“I forgive you, I guess.” You smiled as you sat there for a moment, taking in every detail of his face. His messy wet hair, his chocolate brown eyes, the way his mustache shifted above his lips as he smiled, everything about him that made you love him even more than you thought you already could. The way he looked back at you made you feel like there wasn’t anyone else in the world who could ever love you more. 

“God, you’re so beautiful. I love you, Osita.” 

“I love you too, Javi.” 

He brought you in closer, placing another gentle kiss on your lips. He pulled away again, this time with a look of panic washing over his face.

“What? Are you okay?” 

 “Was that your foot?” 

“My feet are wrapped around your waist?” You looked at him curiously. 

Trying his best to keep calm, Javi swam you both closer and closer to the shore, still carrying you with him as you stepped back on to land. This time, it was your turn to laugh at him, suddenly realizing why he had gotten out so quickly. “Not big and brave now, huh?” 

“At least I didn’t scream like you.” 

“Oh shut up.” You giggled as he set you back down, now sopping wet and shivering next to your pile of clothes. “Any way to explain to your dad why the hell we’re both coming back soaking wet?” You grimaced as you started to pull your sweatshirt over your wet body.

“We’re not.” His face smug as he followed suit opting to only put on his sweatpants, leaving him shirtless as you both headed back through the trees. 

“So…. What? You’re just gonna ask your dad to close his eyes and ignore us when we come back inside?” You raised an eyebrow in confusion looking up at Javi as he reached down to grab your hand as you walked. 

“No. To be honest, Pops is probably already passed out in front of the TV, but of course, you can’t walk through the front door without going past him. We’ll just sneak in through my bedroom window and he’ll be none the wiser.” 

You stopped for a second before laughing at him, continuing to walk as you shook your head. “Sneak in? What are we, 16? I know you said you’ve never brought any girls down here before, but I have a very hard time believing this is the first time you’ve snuck a girl into your room, Javier Peña.” 

“Only a few times.” He looked down at the ground sheepishly as you squeezed his hand. 

“I’m just giving you a hard time, Jav. Wouldn’t be my first time sneaking in either.” You admitted, your cheeks turning slightly red at your admission. 

“Really?” He perked up. “You don’t strike me as the type, but do tell.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You just seem like such a rule follower, maybe it’s the teacher in you.” He shrugged as you rolled your eyes. “What’d ya do?” 

“Fair, I guess. I was 17. One of my friends was having a party at her parents house while they were on vacation, and being the rule follower that I am, I asked my parents and they said no. I was so mad because it felt like they always let my brothers go out and have fun and I never got to. So, once everyone was asleep, I snuck out, rode my bike all the way to my friends house, got drunk out of my mind, which is part of the reason why I can never drink vodka again, and by some miracle, was able to ride my bike back home. When I came in through the side door of the garage, my brother David was in there, already waiting for me. He told me that he could hear me singing at the top of my lungs halfway down the block. He took pity on me and helped my drunk ass up to bed and never told my parents. He’s always been my favorite brother. Then, I pretended to have the stomach flu for the next 3 days to cover up for my hangover.” You both laughed as you finished your walk up to the truck, Javi opening the passenger door for you as you stepped in. 

“No vodka, duly noted. You trying to tell me your singing gets even more obnoxious when you’re drunk?” He smiled as you buckled yourself in. 

“You love my singing, don’t lie. But um… maybe… Just a little. You’ll just have to deal with my sober serenading for now, sorry.” You smirked at him as you shrugged your shoulders, Javi laughing to himself as he shut the door behind you. 

……….. 

As promised, you spent the rest of the ride to the ranch windows down, blaring “Go Your Own Way” from Fleetwood Mac, noting that even though Javi had put on the album not long ago, you were a bit distracted to actually listen to any of the songs. If it was anyone else, Javi would have rather been caught dead than singing along to anything, regardless of song, album or artist. But lucky for him, you weren’t just anyone. You were his everything. Javi was sad when you’re singing came to an end, lowering the music as you pulled up to the house, trying to remain as quiet as possible to not wake up his dad. 

“Too bad you don’t have the James Bond soundtrack in your car, I feel like we’re on some sort of secret mission right now.” You whispered, trying to close the truck door behind you as quietly as possible. 

“C’mon, you dork.” He replied, taking you by the hand and leading you around the edge of his house. You both tiptoed along the wood siding of the house, Javi leading you before stopping under one of the windows, slightly cracked open, pushing out of its frame. “Alright, if I lift you up, can you push it the rest of the way open and climb in?” 

“Sure thing, Agent Peña. What number do you want to be, since you clearly can’t be 007, that one’s already taken. I don’t think they’ll let you be the next James Bond with that ‘stache.” You mumbled, stepping in front of Javi as he got ready to lift you up. 

“Will you just get in the window, please?” He scoffed, squeezing his hands on your hips, getting ready to hoist you. 

“Fine, fine, just say you wanna be lame and move on. I’m ready.” As Javi shot you up, your fingers wrapped around the edge of the windowsill, humming to yourself as you shimmied yourself in. 

“Bada boommmm, bada booommmmm, bahnanah.”  

“Are you seriously singing the James Bond theme song right now?” Javi looked up at the window as you pushed open the rest of the pane, now looking down at him. 

“Yeah, at least one of us should have a little fun with this. You need my help getting in?” 

He hadn’t even answered your question before he was already halfway through the window, pulling himself through and landing on the floor.  

“Showoff.” You grumbled to yourself as he closed the window behind him. Wet and uncomfortable in your clothes, you stripped them off of you, drying yourself off from the towel you had left on Javi’s bed from your shower earlier. Javi did the same, shedding his sweatpants and throwing them next to yours before you both crawled under the covers, curling into each other. You pulled the comforter up over you, nestling against the warmth of Javi’s body. Laying your head on Javi’s chest, Javi ran his fingers through the ends of your hair, still damp from your swim. It wasn’t until you hit the bed that you realized just how exhausted you were, barely keeping your eyes open, your eyelids heavy with sleep.

“Javi?” You asked, looking up at him, your voice low and soft, letting out a quiet yawn. 

“Yes, Osita?” He peered down at you, fingers still twisting through your locks. 

“You really love me?” 

He chuckled warmly, planting a soft kiss on the top of your head. “I really do. Con todo mí corazón. (With all my heart.) Get some sleep, Hermosa, I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” 

He paused, waiting for you to respond. 

“Hermosa?”  

The only thing he heard after that were your sweet snores humming against his chest, you already sound asleep in his arms. He gave you one more kiss on the head before pulling you closer, shutting his eyes as he whispered one last goodnight.  “Buenas noches, Osita. Soy un hombre afortunado. Tienes todo mí corazón para siempre. Te amo.” (Good night, Osita. I’m a lucky man. You have all of my heart, forever. I love you.)

..........

Taglist:

@cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed

[cherryredstars]

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x fem!reader

Warnings: Arguments, Insecurity, Angst/Comfort, Angst, Mentions of Sex

Word Count: 6.1k

“I tried to hate you, to forgive you, all just to forget you, but I'm only capable of loving you. You're tattooed onto my skin, and the more I try to erase you, the deeper you sink in.” ― Mirella Muffarotto

Part 1

For all the years he shared with you, he knows that there were only three serious fights. 

The rest were playful things, more teasing than argumentative. Tiny jabs that were paired with wide smiles and not-so-subtle giggles. The first fight was the summer after you and he graduated from the academy, weeks before the two of you were about to go off to college. Miguel had chosen to stay in-state, getting a full ride scholarship to a prestigious school and an internship level job at Alchemax. On the other hand, you had gotten accepted to your dream school in a state over. It was a 4 hour drive, 8 hours to and back. The both of you had pushed the subject away during high school, the technicality of it not seeming concrete at the time. Neither of you wanted to think about how you’d go from seeing each other every week to maybe a few times a month. But, the closer and closer summer began to end, the more the unspoken tension grew. 

It had been a burst of insecurity on both of your ends. Miguel was scared that you’d find someone new with your time away, that you’d forget about him between your studies and the new people you’d undoubtedly attract. Meanwhile, you feared holding Miguel back. You had never been as smart as him, and you didn’t want to be a burden for him to worry about with all the distance between the two of you. He was already so much more successful than you, and it pained you to think you’d be the reason he never reached his full potential. The worry and tension built up until it exploded. 

It was a horrible mess of regretful words and sharp jabs. Untrue accusations and yelling that echoed in the small space of Miguel’s beat up car. A combination of Miguel's frustrated slams against the wheel and your aggravated hiccups. When you had stormed out of the car with a harsh slam of the door, Miguel drove off as a newly single man. It was a rough break up that left the both of you depressed and grumpy, unsure how a good year of love could end with one argument. Both of you were young and naive, still thinking love wasn't meant to have these challenges. The thoughts that surely if you fought it wasn't meant to be, that no good, long-lasting relationship would have strong arguments.

When the two of you went off to college, the remains of the argument was pushed to the back of your minds. It was hidden behind after-lecture hangouts and time consuming assignments. But in the late nights stuck in dorm rooms or when both of you needed someone to talk to and rant about your frustrations, the loneliness and emptiness of each other burned strong. Miguel spent those lonely moments on his phone, smiling sadly at old videos of the two of you, fingers zooming in to catch all the small details frozen in time through pictures. But those peaceful reminiscences would not last long, that sharp twist of his heart resurfacing and he would feel your absence stronger. 

Even with all that hurt, he could not bring himself to try to get rid of it. He clutched onto it like a lifeline, clinging onto it like a child refusing to give up his favorite toy. It was the only real reminder he had of you with you so far away. Even if he did want to get rid of it, he physically and mentally couldn't. The mere thought of him touching someone, of trying to connect to someone the same way you connected with him, made him sick. It made bile burn at his throat and forced him to spend hours in his shitty apartment with his annoying roommate. His friends practically joked that he was a nun, refusing to flirt with girls at parties and got disgusted at the talk of porn. In reality, you had consumed his mind, altered the way he perceived the world so strongly, that he found anything not involving you unworthy of his time. 

How could he indulge in those things when you had shown him how much better they could be. How could he like the way some random bar girl brushed against his arm when your touch made his skin glow and for electricity to shoot up his arm? How could he want to spend a single night with any girls when he had spent thousands with you in the comfort of your room. When you offered him more than nights of love making, giving him someplace warm to rest and be cared for. How could he find enjoyment in staged videos when you had given him the real sensations of pleasure and the beauty of your noises? Any free moment on his mind was you. You, and you, and you, and you again. 

It was the biggest relief for Miguel, and the rest of his friends and family, when you had returned home for the summer. He had found out from a mutual friend and he took the chance to see you during a group hangout. It was no surprise to the rest of his friends when the two of you instantly reconnected again. Miguel couldn’t help but be sucked into your orbit again, gravitating to your side at every opportunity and desperately trying to spark conversation. The longing and happiness radiated off the both of you so strongly that he was sure the whole establishment felt it. It wasn’t much of a surprise when the two of you went missing sometime later, escaping into an empty alleyway where the faintest noises echoed off the brick walls.

The both of you agreed it would be a summer fling, a way to get rid of any lingering feelings for each other. The summer fling turned into an off-and-on relationship during the school year, until Miguel showed up to your college sometime during the 3rd year and called it quits. He had pushed you into your apartment in a fiery kiss, begging you between desperate kisses to take him back fully, to stop giving him his heart back because it only ever belonged to you. That night both of you were thankful that your roommate was studying abroad. He had you pinned to the bed until the both of you were too sore to move, blissfulness covering your bodies as he clung tightly to you. He never knew a greater peace than being in your arms, your soft hands delicately ruining his hair even more. Late into the night, he had apologized into your neck, saying everything he wished he said on the night of the argument. You had done the same, giving him soft kisses over his face and pulling him more into you. 

When Miguel finally went to sleep that night, he vowed to himself that he would never argue with you like that again. He wouldn’t lose you. Not again.

☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆☆*:..｡. .｡.:*☆

The second fight was years later. 

Miguel had been acting differently, more distant. He came home later, was hesitant to touch you when he used to go crazy if he wasn’t glued to your side. He never really looked at you anymore, not being able to handle eye contact for more than a few seconds before turning away from you. Miguel knew it was suspicious, too sudden to not be. One day he was the loving, doting man you had known for years, and then the next he was practically a stranger living with you. And every time, every goddamn time you tried to help, to reach out to him, to remind him you were there to share his troubles; he would lash out. He would get angry, push away from you and isolate himself more. It hurt. It hurt that he was hurting. It hurt that he knew you were hurting. It hurt that you also felt like he was gone even though he was in the same home. 

A month of this behavior had you fed up. This time, you told yourself you would push. You didn’t try your resigned smiles and hoped giving him more space would bring him closer. You would push, and push, and push. You had stayed up that night, nursing a cup of wine as you stared at the TV. Miguel doesn’t think you were really paying attention to what was on, just watching a collection of colors shift until the sound of his key in the knob broke through the low volume. You hadn’t turned to him when he entered, you had sat silently as he placed his things away. He was aware of your presence, even from outside the front door, but he still was surprised to find you awake. His darling angel, a woman he has never deserved, searching for the answers to his behavior in the late hours between burgundy sips. He stood there, keeping his distance before sighing and moving towards the bathroom.  

You had gotten up to follow him when he tried to walk away, the wine glass long forgotten on the coffee table. As you chased him, you let all the words and feelings you had bottle up flow from your mouth. You had questions on questions for him: Why won’t you talk to me? Why are you acting like this? Why are you always out so late? Why won’t you just look at me? The questions stabbed at Miguel and he walked faster to get away from the sound of your voice. He could feel a headache forming, everything was becoming too loud: your voice, the noise of cars, the sound of his own fucking steps. 

He didn’t realize what he was doing in the moment, the tingling awareness and sensations blending into one. He didn’t realize the sound and the spike running through his body was you. He didn’t realize how hard he gripped your wrist when you had moved your hand out to stop his fast walking. Didn’t know how powerful he was when he pushed you into the wall in the hallway. Not until the loud thud multiplied in his ears. Not until he felt the awful warmth of your skin under his bruising fingers. Not until his eyes fully focused on your face. Not until that awful sob tore through your throat. 

Miguel never knew how badly someone would want to kill themselves until that very moment. Seeing the way your tear-filled eyes stared up at him, the way he knew an imprint of his fingers would stain your wrist. Knowing the way he hurt you and had made you cry. A panic seized his chest and he quickly dropped your wrist. His arms had wrapped around you, pushing your face into his shirt to try to dampen the noises of your sobs. His comfort made you cry harder, and he wished he could take his newly developed claws and use them to tear himself to shreds for hurting you. He had whispered in your ear sad apologies, praying that you would forgive him. He had asked, in a voice so broken and so foreign to anything he’d ever spoken, to not be scared of him. You can be anything you want, he had pleaded, just don’t be scared of me.

“This is the first time in a month that you’ve willingly touched me, Miguel.”

His mind had blanked at the hiccup filled response. He almost wished you were scared of him. Wished that whatever he did could be easily fixed and resolved. That he only hurt you in a single moment, not over such a long period of time. He wished that he could turn back time and prevent all of this. Wished that the solution to this problem wasn’t the one thing he feared the most. Wished, with everything in him, that he was someone else. Someone who deserved you and someone who didn’t hurt you the way he’s hurt you. He didn’t hold back the slow mumbles of repeated 'sorry's, petting the soft locks of your hair as you shook against his frame.  His eyes had begun to sting, and he felt the sharp points of his canines digging into his lip. 

“I have to tell you something, cariño.”

You had let out a watery laugh at that, half-heartedly joking that he was going to tell you that he wanted to break up. Miguel didn’t have the energy to fake his own laugh or smile, instead bending down to pick you up. His arms rested under your knees and back as he carried you to the comfort of your bed. His side was unusually cold despite him sleeping in it. Over the month, he was the last to get in and the first to get out. Now, he goes back to the usual routine. He lifts the covers to your side, placing you down before he scoots in besides you. Your arms instantly wrap around him again, a pleased sigh leaving you as his hand rubs up and down the length of your back. He had laid there silently, letting you enjoy the time and touch he selfishly took from you. His body felt lighter than it had in the past month as he held you to him. The smell of you entering his lungs and spreading peace throughout his bloodstream. He doesn’t know how long the two of you laid there before he started talking. Maybe it was 10 minutes, 30, possibly 60?

“Something happened at work a month ago. I… don’t want you to be scared of me.”

He had spoken the words so softly, he wondered if they were only audible to his sensitive ears. But you had turned to face him, an encouraging look in your eyes as you nodded. He had taken a deep breath, one of the many he would take during the conversation. In soft tones, he had recalled the accident. He recalled a neon chemical that caused his skin to burn if he didn't take it. How his thoughts were split between the next time he would get a dose and how to talk to you. His eyes grow distant as he looks back on the memory of a mistake, how the DNA had run through his veins so sharply that he felt like his nerve endings were tearing apart and being reshaped. He hesitantly showed you the new developments on his body, the way he barely talked because his sharpened teeth always catch on his lips, how he’s been so hesitant to touch you because he wasn’t sure if his new claws would retract, showed you the new swirls of red that danced in his brown eyes and glow with emotion. 

You had laid silent and Miguel was more than prepared to leave if you asked him to. He had a bag packed under the bed ever since he found out the extent of his now mixed DNA. He was prepared to leave at any sign of your endangerment or if you asked him to. He didn’t want to leave, never wanted to live a life without you, but if you had asked him to, he would. He would do anything for you. Even if it killed him. His life only revolved around you, and it still would if he left your apartment and never returned. Even if the roles were reversed and you were the one to end up leaving. 

Your soft hand along his cheek took his attention again, his eyes watching you as you studied him. You had gently pulled his lip back, watching the gleaming point of his fangs. He felt the warmth of your touch travel upwards, massaging the skin under his eyes as your other hand grabbed one of his hands. Miguel had choked on his breath when you pulled it from under the sheets, sharp points spiking from the pads of his fingers. He was about to protest when you brought them to your mouth, but watching in fascinated as they retracted one by one as you pressed kisses to his fingers. When you finished, you grabbed his other hand and did the same thing. He felt the sting in his eyes return and he had to close his eyes tightly to will himself to stop. 

“Tell me how to help you. Tell me how you want me to love you so it doesn’t feel like everything has changed.”

Your soft, heartfelt request tore through his heart and he couldn't stop the tear that ran down his cheek. He had held your hand to his face as you brushed away the tear off his face, turning his head to give it a small kiss. He didn’t deserve you. Not like this. Not when you were so caring and lovely and soft. He could never comprehend how lucky he got. How someone was kind enough to drop you amoungst the chaos of his life. Miguel had wrapped his body around your smaller frame, trying to embrace you fully as he felt the remainder of that heavy burden leave his body. 

“Love me the same. I just need you, only you.”

When you had agreed and just held him, Miguel felt his heart sing and the wickedness of his new life temporarily retract. He hadn’t lost you. 

Not yet.

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The cause of the last argument is muddy in his mind. It’s lost in all the other things that happened that night, his mind finding it irrelevant in the face of the bigger picture. He thinks it was something to do with him being Spiderman. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. He’ll never really know. Maybe it’s better that way. 

All he knew was that the both of you were yelling. Knows he was wearing down the wooden floors with his pacing while you stood on the other side of the kitchen island. He knows that both of you were taking turns tugging at your hair, stressed laughs bubbling from each other's throats. He knew the fight was full of interrupted sentences and angered stuttering. He knows whatever the argument was about got you so angry that you stormed out of the house in a huff, grabbing your old coat and boots before slamming the door shut. 

Miguel had thrown his hands up in disbelief, shaking his head with a forced scoff. He nervously gnawed at his bottom lip, continuing to pace as he checked the time over the stove repeatedly. Once five minutes hit, enough time for you to hopefully calm down, Miguel rushed to the door and pulled on his own coat before rapidly locking the door and jogging down the hall to the elevator. He had spammed the down button repeatedly, ruffling his hair impatiently and glancing down at his digital watch every few seconds. When the elevator finally arrived, he had pushed past the person trying to exit, ignoring their grumbles while spamming the close door button after selecting the lobby. 

Once the doors opened again, Miguel rushed out and quickly scanned the lobby. It was practically empty except for a few people getting home late from work, making Miguel sigh as he went outside to the blistering cold. The cold air instantly turned his nose cold and he grumbled as he buried himself further into his coat. He watched people pass by him, subtly trying to smell for your scent. A deep sigh left him as he came up with nothing, looking down either side of the sidewalk. He couldn’t see you through the late night bustle, rolling his eyes as he started to fall into the flow of the crowd. 

A look of displeasure filled his face with each person who pushed past him, wanting nothing more than to find you quickly, apologize, and return to the warmth of your shared apartment. Maybe he’d make something warm for the both of you and cuddle on the couch, maybe exhaust any remaining energy under the new weighted blanket you bought. He smiled slightly at the thought, his hands flexing in his coat pockets as he looked down at the crowd to spot sight of you. A few times he was sure he found you, only to find the slight imperfections that told him it wasn’t actually you. He was about to turn around to see if you went the other way, when he smelled that familiar scent. His eyes lit up at the sight of your head, pushing through the crowd to get closer. 

Just as he was about to reach you, he heard it. A low grinding and creaking of metal  that was soon followed by screams and mass hysteria. Miguel quickly turned his head around, finding the familiar form of Venture following after him. A sharp curse left Miguel, his head turning to look for you to only find the pushing and shoving of the crowd. He had to bite his lip hard to prevent himself from yelling out your name, scared Venture would pick up his voice and put you in danger. With another curse, Miguel pushed through the crowd and into an empty alleyway. He took a deep breath, momentarily looking at the rush of people passing by for the sight of you. A sharp hiss left his mouth before his suit materialized. 

He quickly scaled the side of the building, hiding himself at the top of the rooftop. His eyes still scanned for you desperately, only to meet eyes with Venture. Curse after curse left Miguel’s mouth as the cyborg flew up to him at full speed. Miguel’s teeth clenched hard as he pushed himself off of the ledge of the building, meeting the robot fucker mid-way through the air. The two of them went spiraling to the ground, Venture’s back hitting an abandoned car in the middle of the street. The loud blaring of the alarm slightly disoriented Miguel enough for Venture to push him away, throwing him off the side. His shoulder takes the majority of the impact, a dull pain running up its length as different shoes rush past him. 

He isn’t given enough time to get up himself, a hand coming around his neck and throwing him towards a lamp post. A sharp breath leaves his mouth as the impact vibrates through his body. Miguel is temporarily paralyzed, spine throbbing. He pushes himself away just in time to miss Venture’s hard punch. The mental hand dents the spot that was once Miguel’s face, and Miguel runs into the robot’s side to throw him off balance. Miguel’s claws shred through Venture’s clothing, barely ripping through the reinforced metal of his torso. The two take turns swinging and dodging, tumbling on the floor until Miguel’s pinned down. The robotic hand squeezes tight around his neck, his hands coming up to claw at it. He manages to faintly kick Venture off of him, only to find himself flying into a building. 

Venture is quick to return to his attack on Miguel, his hand once again around the spider’s neck and dragging him up the length of the building. Miguel continues to struggle until the wall behind him disappears. He goes tumbling backwards, rolling on the landing of the clock tower. A deep groan leaves Miguel as Venture lands a few feet away, walking towards the hero. A deep noise vibrates in his throat as Miguel lunges at him, knocking him backwards. The two continue into a mess of fighting again, harsh hits, loose wires, and blood covering the area. During the tussle, Miguel is able to grab Venture’s weapon, kicking the cyborg away from him as he prepares to deliver his finishing hit. 

But, of course, things never go the hero’s way. Because he can hear the metal creaking of stairs and a smell is beginning to seep through his mask. He knows you are there before you even burst through the heavy metal door and call out his name. His eyes widen as he turns towards you, a new panic seizing his being before he’s pulled back into the present by the swooshing of air. He barely dodges as Venture flies towards him. Venture is quick to redirect, grabbing Miguel’s arm and flipping him onto his back. They both begin to wrestle for the weapon, Miguel trying to fight off Venture and yell at you to get away from here. But he can’t focus on the two of you at the same time. If he wants either of you to make it out alive, he has to focus on Venture. Not you. 

But he can’t help but curse you out in his head. Of course, the moment he doesn’t want to see you, you're here. Of course you’re in danger because of him. Of course you were fighting over Spiderman and now the two of you find yourself in this situation. Why couldn’t you have just followed the crowd? How did you even know he was there? Did you see Venture drag him up the tower? Did you really need to come up here to check on him? Did you have to care so damn much about him the same way he cares about you? Did you have to put yourself in danger for him? Why couldn’t you have just fucking stayed away? You were mad at him, that's what made you leave the safety of your apartment in the first place. Why. Didn’t. You. Stay. Away.

Maybe then it would have been different. Maybe then you could have changed the canon. 

It happened in a flash. It was like a flip book, separate scenes morphing together to create a rapid story. Miguel had pushed away Venture for the last time, the cyborg a mess of popping wires and torn metal. He was so hyper focused, so unaware of everything around him when he had lined up the weapon. He should have been more cautious, should have predicted the blast would be so powerful. But he didn’t. He didn’t make sure you had actually left, and he didn’t prepare himself for the blast. 

When he shot the weapon, a hot beam of energy shot out. It sent out a blind light, throwing Miguel back so strongly that he had to dig his nails against the floor to stop himself from falling off. When the power of the blast died down, in place of Venture was nothing but charred metal. A strong ringing filled Miguel’s ears, eyes squinting as he surveyed the area. The shot had cut through two of the beams holding up the clock tower, a low groaning sounding as parts of the ceiling began to cave in. All at once, it gave in, metal and concrete falling to the ground. 

And, like everything else today, he heard it before he saw it. He wished he didn’t. Wished he didn’t see or hear anything. Wished he didn’t instinctively look towards the noise and get his heart ripped to pieces. Wished he had other abilities, ones that weren’t so horribly useless in the face of your need. Wished his body didn’t have that slight pause before he had raced towards you. 

He had watched as a piece of metal flew towards you knocking you over the edge of the platform. It was only a second, maybe three, before he had desperately pushed himself off the ground and plunged off the edge. The air had stung his eyes, causing his eyes to water and for his breathing to stutter. It had to be the air. It couldn’t have been the way you had looked at him in the middle of your free fall, eyes calm and full of nothing but love and affection for him. It couldn’t have been the way you didn’t even reach your hand up to try to grab his outstretched one. It couldn’t have been the way he had thought in that very moment how he had wished he never fell in love. How he never regretted falling in love with you until you were slipping through his fingers. 

The noise you had made was deafening. It was so unbelievably loud that it made Miguel close his own eyes as his body instantly shifted so he landed on his feet a few meters from the ground. He had landed right next to your body, an ugly dark liquid covering over the pavement. He had his mask fall away, heavy and strained breaths leaving his chest as he fell to his knees. He hovered over you with wild eyes, not knowing what to do. Should he touch you? What if that hurt you more? What is he supposed to do? Someone please tell him what he’s supposed to do.

Hesitantly, he had reached his hands around your body, pulling your head to his shoulder as he rocked the both of you back and forth. He had ignored the sticky liquid covering his hand as it held the back of your head, shushing quietly in your ear as he repeated you’re okay over and over and over again. His head had pressed firmly against the side of yours, his breath coming out in white clouds as he tried to find warmth from your body. It had long gone cold, but his hands rubbed desperately over your arms to keep you warm. He had refused to pull away, ignoring the logical voice in his mind that had acknowledged during your fall that you wouldn’t be making it out alive.

He only forced himself away when the sound of sirens and ambulances grew near. He had shut his eyes, a wetness dripping down his face as he had squeezed you tightly to him. He let you back down in your original position with unstable breaths, apologies spilling his mouth as he slowly got up. As the first ambulance rounded the corner, a resounding chime filled the air. Miguel had turned, face looking up to the glowing clock that he had just fallen from. The clock had struck midnight and Miguel couldn’t hold back the rough sob as he hurried away from your body. 

Miguel hated that fucking clock.

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The apartment was cold when he entered it. Cold and quiet. 

Then it was hot and angry as he threw things. He ripped things off of the walls, threw glasses and dishes until they shattered to the floor and left dents. His claws had torn through furniture until the remains of his life were broken and unusable. He had let out heavy sobs and loud screams during the rampage, finding himself squeezed into a corner of the bedroom where he had piled your clothing around him. Your scent had calmed him slightly, but also broke him as the image of your body played over and over and over again in his head. 

He played with the velvet box he had kept in the bottom of his nightstand, tossing the box into the air before catching it and throwing it hard at the opposite wall. The force had broken the box in two, the useless ring rolling across the floor with a small clatter. He had sat there for a while before he desperately crawled to pick up the engagement ring. He held it close to his lips, mumbling sorry over and over into the cold band as he rocked himself back and forth in the pile of your belongings. 

He had lost you this time.

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It had been ten odd years since then. Ten odd years of frustration and sadness and waking up to nightmares that push him back into corners to mumble out sorry. On those nights, he gets the ring that sits useless next to an old bottle of perfume in his nightstand, forever unable to get rid of either of them. He holds both close to his chest until the sun comes up or until his crying makes him sleep. Then, he’ll tuck them back into their safe space, hiding them from the light until the next time he relives your death. 

A crumpled photo sits in his office at HQ, he finds himself looking at it from time to time in the long hours he works. Some of the younger spidermen, plus Peter, had asked him about it before. To all of which he had ignored and hidden the picture from their sight. He was selfish, he didn’t want to share you with anyone else, even after death. You were his. His to remember. His to mourn. His to miss. His, his, his. His to lose. His to love. His to repent for. 

He doesn’t think he would even be able to talk about you even if he tried. He could only find himself mumbling your name in dreams, in sleepy, delirious states. If he were to try now, he would choke on the syllables, mouth opening and closing before giving up and continuing on like nothing happened. Maybe it's better that way. This way he couldn’t tarnish your name more than he already has. Maybe this is his punishment. Maybe he deserves it. 

But in the late nights alone, he wishes someone would ask. When the sound of the clock tower rings over the whole city when he’s on night patrol, he wishes someone would come up to him and ask him about you. He wishes he had someone to carry your memory with, someone who will listen as he talks about beautiful you. Someone who can see how stunning you were. To see how unfair it was you didn’t get more from life. Someone to see how fucked up it was that the world stuck you with someone like him. Someone to confirm how the only real villain in the world was him. 

But he knows that person doesn’t exist. Not anymore. Because that person is always you in his mind. He sits on the edge of that fucking clock tower and imagines your wispy form next to him. Imagines conversations he would have with you and how you would respond. In his mind, he retells the way he had planned to propose to you, almost smiling at the make-believe dialogue of you nitpicking his plan. Then, the clock would strike and he would leave. Just like he did the night you died. 

But, he still wishes for that person. Had hoped with time it would be Jessica or Peter, maybe even LYLA if he got so desperate. But he can’t find the willpower to do it. So he imagines those conversations too. He imagines questions and how he would answer them. What was she like? Unlike anything in the whole multiverse. What did she want to do with her life? To leave the world better than when she found it. What did others think of her? Mistook her for the sun. Brightest, most beautiful person in the room. Definitely the one you go to on your baddest days. Do you still love her?

He tries to answer that question whenever he imagines it in his head. But he can’t. Yes? No? Maybe? It depends on the day? Did he love you when you were alive? Absolutely, there is no question in his mind. Did he love you when you were dead in his arms? Even up to the moment when he had to walk away. Does he love you now that you’re gone? That, he can’t answer. It pains him that his answer isn’t an immediate yes. He wants it to be yes. He really does. But he is so shrouded in hurt and pain and unfinished mourning that he can’t form a clear answer. Does he love that you’ve left him this heavy burden to carry? No. Does he love that he got the chance to love you enough to feel so strongly for you years after your death? He doesn’t know. It's horrible. It's a deep and ugly feeling that he wished he could rip out of his chest and bury it with you. 

And the worse part? If someone asked him if he would do it all over again, he wouldn't hesitate like he did with the former question. He has this answer lined-up and ready. Has it prepared on the tip of his tongue. His body practically itches for someone to ask him. 

If someone were to ask if he would do it all over again, if he would let it play out the same way knowing this is where he would end up, he would immediately say: No. I would have never looked at that damn clock.

And what's even worse? He knows the day that he's on that death bed, when he hears your voice and feels your touch, he'll finally give into that sharp pull on his chest and make his way home. And when he does, he'll fall to his knees and ask you to forgive him for lying.

Just like he did in every universe. Just like the canon predicted.

Almost a full month since I posted the first chapter. Was this worth the wait? Eh… Maybe? Going on to bigger and better things.

[yuugen-benni]

- Red Moon In Venus and Isolation -

Bsd boys in love with you - based on Kali Uchis songs ! A/N: I do not usually write song fics but this request won my heart. Tysm anon [Content: SFW!! - Reader by You/Your - songfic - Kunikida x Opposite!Reader, Mentions of Tachihara betrayal, Chuuya x Oblivious!Reader ] Charcs: Kunikida, Ango, Tachihara, Chuuya and Dazai

''Not too Late'' - Kunikida Doppo

A spouse, a lover: This subject consists of 8 pages, 15 topics and 58 items. It's impressive, isn't it? It is something very specific, and thus difficult to find, but Kunikida is diligent with his goals although he often forgets that love is absurdly strange and unpredictable. He fell in love with you: someone who doesn't fit into any of his demands, who is the total opposite of him, who is not organized, not programmed, who takes risks capable of breaking all the rules of the world!...But still he can't stop feeling nervous under your gaze. There are so many controversies about you, there are enough reasons for him to stay away, but he can't stop loving you...although he will never admit it. But perhaps he asks himself every day: ''is not it too late to admit that he loves you?''

''Gotta get up'' - Ango Sakaguchi

You're a dream to him, almost literally because every night, since the day Ango realized how mushy he is about you, he dreams with you. But Ango isn't ashamed of it. You make his 3 hours of sleep so much better, you clear his mind, you give him peace even if you were never really there. And when the alarm goes off at 5 am, his only wish is to stay in bed forever because only sleeping is the way he can have you all to himself. But he gotta get up…and perhaps get something real.

''I wish you roses'' - Tachihara Michizo

Saying “I never thought I would be without you” would be a lie. Tachihara knew what he was doing when he fell in love with you, but he made the mistake of getting too attached. As he hoped it wouldn't be reciprocated, his love became deeper as the ocean and he didn't want you to drown on him. But now, wearing that green uniform that means nothing more or less than his betrayal of those he cared about, Tachihara still watching you from afar wishing you love, wishing you well, wishing you roses.

''Body language'' - Chuuya Nakahara

Pissed off, that's what Chuuya is right now. He tried everything to get your attention, to make you understand what was boiling inside him! He's getting sick and tired of talking, because he told everything you needed to know - between the lines - but sometimes he wonders ''were you really listening to him?'' His only alternative is to grab your shoulders and kiss you, but he won't, because Chuuya is too pride to be the first to say, to show, to declare his love. As much as he wanted to have you close, there's nothing more to say, he just needs you to understand now.

''Worth the wait'' - Dazai Osamu

Osamu is drunk on his own feelings. It seems surreal, because he finds himself in a rare situation: he feels like he wants to be close to you every day. is it love? Dazai doesn't know for sure because he still needs to learn to love, learn not to hurt you. I would like to say 'learn to stop being someone empty' but in the end, you have already filled him.

Tysm for reading, reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated! English isn't my mother language! REQUETS OPEN

[definitelynotstable]

Camomile pt. 7 [Ghost x gn!Reader]

pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4, pt. 5, pt. 6, pt. 7, pt. 8, pt. 9, pt. 10

AN: Please lemme know if you are liking this series I'm desperate for reassurance and validation <3

Synopsis: You're no longer in the hands of the enemy but the memories still linger. Ghost helps you through a nightmare. Word Count: 1.5k Warnings: injuries, nightmares, torture, kinda graphic, non-con touching (men are creeps) Ghost x gn!Reader (callsign Rags): Hurt/comfort. Loads of fluff. Nightmare trope!

———

It was pitch black when you woke. You reached up to tug at the eye mask when a warm hand covered yours, pulling it gently over your head. Cobalt eyes met yours.

“Ghost.” You breathe. You missed him.

“The very same.” He replies with a gentle nod. Soap and Gaz have left and the Lieutenant has dragged a chair over to your bedside; barely leaving any room for his legs. He is leaning forwards, tattooed forearm resting on the rail and dangling near your thigh. He’s no longer in uniform or tactical gear; his mask replaced by a simple black balaclava. Suddenly you realise you have no idea where you are. He tilts his head, watching you as though he can see the thoughts running rampant behind your eyes.

“Where are we?” You ask, thankful your voice isn’t as scratchy as it was before. Ghost leans back a little but keeps his arms resting on the rail.

“A base somewhere in Europe, I’ve not really asked to be honest.”

You frown, “That’s unlike you.”

“Yeah well,” he laughs softly, though it isn’t a happy sound, “geography wasn’t quite the priority, was it, love?”

“Suppose not,” you mumble. His eyes soften and he reaches out to pat your knee.

“I’ll ask Price when I see ‘im. It’s somewhere nearby, though. Didn’t have enough time to RTB.”

You nod slowly, fingering one of the wires by your side. Ghost just watches, waiting for you to speak.

“No one’s told me anything.” You feel like a child being left out of adult discussions. “Haven’t even spoken to the doc, Price didn’t properly debrief me – even Soap and Gaz wouldn’t talk about it. What am I missing here?”

The Lieutenant knew it was coming. He’d waited to see you just for this reason. You needed rest, not intel.

Ghost sighs. “How about I get you a cuppa? Let’s start there.”

———

Broken ribs, cigarette burns, slight pneumonia, minor internal bleeding, a handful of lacerations – to name a few. Ghost had brought you your file and held your steaming mug of camomile while you flipped through.

“What’s this?” You ask, pointing to a thick black line, roughly drawn. “Why’s someone redacting my personal medical shit?”

“The same reason Price won’t debrief you yet – you need rest, Rags.” He swipes the file from your hands and before you can argue settles the steaming mug in your grasp instead. You glare at him as you try not to spill it, craning your neck to take a sip. Ghost shakes his head and wraps an arm behind your back, supporting your weight while he readjusts the pillows. You lean back, his hand lingering until it’s pressed between your warmth and the bed. He lowers himself back into the chair, his hands wrapped around his own mug.

“That isn’t fair.” You finally say, too tired to argue but not willing to let the subject drop. “I have the right to know.”

Ghost takes a long sip before replying. “You do.”

“Then why–“

–“Because it’s a lot.” He says, cobalt eyes firm as they hold your gaze. “It’s a lot and you aren’t well yet. You can barely sit up on your own and can’t stay awake for more than a couple of hours. Please trust me, you’ll know in time.”

“But I want to know now,” your mumble, looking down as tears prickle against your will. The Lieutenants eyes soften.

“I know you do.”

“I just don’t like not knowing things.” A tear escapes. You swipe at it angrily.

“I know you don’t.”

“I just –“

–“I know.” He nods, wrapping a hand around your wrist, sliding it up to your forearm and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Your lip is wobbling now but Ghost doesn’t move. His thumb swiping over the soft part of your wrist. Back and forth.

“I know, Rags.”

And you get the feeling that he does. He doesn’t talk much about his past but you can recall a few months ago when a mission went awry and you walked in on Gaz stitching him up – shirt rolled to hang loosely around his neck. Scars weren’t abnormal for soldiers, but the markings were repetitive and consistent. Corporal punishment. Something you were all too familiar with as of late.

The Lieutenant doesn’t stop. Gentle and slow. Letting you know you were with him and you were safe. He watches as you fight the sleep weighing heavily on your eyelids.

And when your eyes fall shut and your breathing deepens he still stays.

———

“Ah, дорогая,” a voice whispers menacingly in your ear. Fingers stroke down your cheek, your chest and down over your navel. Your stomach muscles ripple and flinch away on impulse. The chain rattles as you lean away from his touch. His grin widens, yellow teeth glinting.

“Ready to talk?”

You clench your teeth; jaw locked and tongue pressed to the roof of your mouth.

“Still not talking, дорогая?” He’s rougher now, hand coming to grasp your throat, the squeeze a warning.

“I have nothing to say.” You spit out, swallowing against his hand. He chuckles.

“So feisty.” He shakes his head, patting your cheek roughly. “It won’t last. You’ll be screaming soon. I’ve always found the screams of women far more satisfying than men.”

The smell of burnt flesh wafts up to your nose and you look down. He’s holding a lighter against your bare torso. Why can’t you feel it? You watch as your flesh melts away into a gaping trench; your eyes watering at the stench. Blood bubbles and boils around the edges. The pain hits you in a wave, bursting and overflowing. The damn breaks and a scream rips from your throat. He laughs then, tipping his head back as he watches you writhe.

“Rags!” Hands shake you roughly, wrapping around your shoulders. You try to shake them off but they refuse to let go.

“Rags!”

Your eyes snap oven, hair sticks to your sweat covered face and you fight the hands holding you still.

“No, no, no, please!” You can’t help but cry, twisting in their grip. “Please.”

“Rags.” The voice is soft but firm. “Look at me.”

That voice. Where have you heard that voice?

You wrench your eyes open, tears pool and trickle down your cheeks. Cobalt blue stares back down at you, blond brows creased in concern.

“Rags? Are you with me?”

You’re gasping like a fish out of water. Chest heaving; breath ragged.

“G–Ghost?”

His mask has slipped down, lower than you’ve ever seen it. With a shaking hand you tug it back up. He catches your wrist, a finger circles and tickles your palm.

He nods, his other hand stretches out and gently brushes strand of hair away from your forehead. “S’alright. I’m here. You’re safe.”

You feel so tired. Rung out like a rag and set to dry in the wind. His hand has settled on your cheek. Cautious and gentle. “They took my camomile.” You whisper and Ghost tilts his head, confused.

“What do you mean?”

Your face crumples under his concerned gaze.The thoughts running through your mind are no longer logical. “The camomile I keep in my spare pocket – they took it.”

His thumb swipes under your eye, catching a tear. He frowns, “That’s ok, I’ve got some with me.”

Your chest heaves again and a sob slips from your mouth. “I was worried you wouldn’t have any left and Soap and Gaz only drink coffee – Price too.”

“Oh, darling.” He breathes, eyes sad as he strokes your jaw.

–“and you would have no-one to drink camomile with if I was gone.” You gasp, now clutching at his own wrist was you ramble. Your breathing is picking up again, a machine beeps more rapidly behind you.

Ghost’s face has crumpled completely as he watches you, unsure what to do. Your grip on him tightens, almost grasping the Lieutenant as though he will slip away.

“Would you like a hug?” He asks, throat constricting. He knows how hard it is to accept touch after experiencing the nonconsensual grip of the enemy. You nod frantically. It feels like you are falling apart at the seems and you need him to hold you while you sew yourself back together.

Slowly – making sure his hands are always in your line of sight – Ghost collapses the bedrail and slips in beside you.

“Show me where I can put my hands, love.” He murmurs in your ear and with shaking hands you guide his arms around you. You settle against his broad chest, your breathing slowly syncing with his own.

“Thank you.” The words so quiet he can barely hear it. He tucks you in closer, resting his chin against the top of your head.

“This ok?” He mumbles into your hair. You nod gently against him.

“Stay?”

“No place I’d rather be.”

— — —

Masterlist

Next Part:

[justmeinadaze]

We're A Family Part 18 (Steddie X You)

A/N: This one is a wee bit different. They are experimenting in the bedroom but everyone is having a good time :)

Warnings: Dads Steddie and Mom Fem Y/N, SMUT, Pegging is the main thing here with all the regular smut that comes with these three, FLUFF and no angst!

Word Count: 4018

“So for handcuffs and a nightie, you drove two hours out of town?”, Eddie muses as he looks through the clothes at the sex store you three had traveled to. 

“I did because I love you.”, you grin. 

“Aw, that’s cute.” He smiles when you scrunch your nose playfully in his direction. “Is Harrington the test subject again or…?”

“I’m down for anything.”, Steve shrugs.

“Be careful what you say, baby.”, you sing as you hit him lightly with one of the whips you found. He chuckles as he jokingly wrestles it from your grasp and lifts you over his shoulder to carry you to where Eddie was browsing toys. 

“Are we that old? I don’t know what half this stuff is or for.”, the metalhead exhales as he picks up something random and flashes it towards you two before placing it back down. 

“What about this?”, you ask, showing them the strap on you found. “It’s a little intimidating.”

They hear your breathing stutter a bit as you continue to look at with fascination. “What’s intimidating? The thing itself or using it?”

“I mean…I’m not a guy. I’ve never had to…ya know.”

“Holy shit, Steven. It took about 8 years but we finally found something sexual that makes Y/N blush.”

Steve walks up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist as he leans his head on top of yours. “We can show you.”, he whispers making you lick your lips at his words. 

“O-okay.”

Eddie beams as he takes the box from your hands and bends down to kiss you. “So fucking cute.”

*** 

“Shit.”, Robin curses under her breath as Dylan beats her again for the thousandth time at his video game. “I’m not good at this! I have no hand/eye coordination.”

“All I hear are excuses.”, your son laughs. 

“Whatever. I’m going to hang out with the baby who doesn’t talk.”, she grins as she playfully pushes him to the side. 

“Mommy!”, Aurora shouts, running into your arms as you guys walk through the door. 

“Oh God.”, you brace as she jumps and you lift her into the air. “What’s going on, my love? Did you have fun with Robin?”

“Uh huh. Aunt Robin said a bad word.”

“Tattletale.”

“Why are you cursing in front of my kids?”, Steve teases as he plops himself down next to her on the sofa. 

“Why are your kids so mean? Especially that one.” She points towards Dylan who sticks his tongue out at her before focusing back on his game. “At least this one was nice to me. Weren’t you, James?”

He giggles and claps his hands at her smile. From Steve so far, James definitely inherited his big, beautiful grin and scrunched his tiny nose when he laughed which you absolutely adored. His hair was too short right now to see if he had the same smooth locks as his father but at the moment he seemed to be heading in that direction. 

“Can you say Robin? Roooobiiiiiiiiin.” Just like Ro had done when she was a baby, his only response was to headbutt her making her grunt jokingly as she passed the boy to her friend. “Alright that’s my queue to leave. See you buttheads later!”

After she left, you made dinner and then spent the rest of the evening relaxing with your family. Dylan sat in the corner with his headphones on as he strummed his guitar Eddie had given him from his own collection. You and Steve sat on the couch with your legs thrown over his while Eddie laid on the floor with James and Aurora as The Princess Bride played on TV.

“James…James…James, daddy’s hair isn’t like yours, dude. Ow.”, the metalhead whines as he tries to remain calm while the baby pulls at his hair. 

“James! No.”, Ro giggles. “You don’t pull hair. It not nice.”

“Yeah, tell him, sweetheart.”

“Mommy?” She calls your name and you answer with lighthearted hm. “When…when will I meet my…my true love?”

“Never. We’re going to lock you in a tower like Rapunzel.”

Steve tries to hide his laughter at Eddie’s joke as you make a face at his answer. “No, baby. I won’t let daddy do that.”

“You’ll have to catch me first, woman.”

You stick out your tongue as he chuckles. “I don’t know, Ro, when you’ll meet them but when you do I promise you’ll know.”

“How did you know?”

Both men’s eyes shimmer with delight and anticipation as they wait for your answer. 

“I just knew.”, you grin. 

“Oh, baby, come on. I know there’s more to it then that.”, Steve beams as you bite your bottom lip. 

“Was it love at first sight?”

“Yes.”, both boys responded in unison making you blush. Aurora looks at you with wide expectant eyes as she waits for your answer. 

“Yes, but mommy was hardheaded and had to make it complicated.”

“Comp-limated?”

“Complicated. Um, harder.”, Eddie explained. 

“Oh…why?”

“Because… I had Dylan and he was my main concern at the time. I wanted him to be happy.”

Her face furrows in confusion as she fully turns away from the tv. “I don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get, babe?”, Steve asks as he motions for her to come sit on his lap. 

“You…are Dylan’s dada…” Her tiny fingers point to his chest. “But, but, but mommy had him…before she met…met you and daddy?”

Eddie smiled when you heavily exhaled. 

“Oh, I was hoping we could skip the awkward questions stage.”, you mumble as you smirk. “Ed, you want to take this one?”

“Not really.”, he giggles. 

“Hey, Ro.”, Dylan calls her name and she shifts in her dad’s lap to face him. “You remember when you asked why dad calls grandpa Wayne instead of dad and we told you it was because grandpa took dad in when he was older than you?” She adamantly nods her head. “Kind of the same thing.”

“Ooooooooh…ok!”, Aurora exclaims as she shrugs her shoulders and shuffles back down to the floor to continue watching the movie.

“Are you a child spy or something? How do you do that?”, Eddie sarcastically asks as all three adults smile in his direction. 

“You people make it too complicated.”, he chuckles. “Just answer honestly.”

You toss a pillow in his direction that he blocks with his hand and tosses back. 

#############

“What are you smiling about over there?”, Steve asks as he comes into the bedroom and closes the door. 

“Dylan. I’m just always amazed at how smart he is, you know? I’m proud of him.”

“Yeah, he’s a good kid. Always has been.”

“I hope I didn’t make you guys feel bad with my answer to Aurora’s question. I WAS being honest. He was my main priority but I didn’t even think you’d be attracted to me. Two sexy single guys across the way from a single mom in the middle of a divorce…”

While you were talking, Eddie had come out of the bathroom and sat beside you on the bed. 

“I didn’t even really think about it until you came over that first time Charlie bailed on him.” You wrapped your arms around him as you leaned your chin on his shoulder. “You both made him happy. You made ME happy.”

The metalhead turned to kiss your forehead before wrapping his arms around you and lifting you on to his lap as he leaned back. 

“Ok, I’m done being sappy.” 

Steve laughs as he lays down beside the other man and takes your hand in his as he fiddles with your fingers. 

“I like when you get sappy.”, he grins. “That being said, did you two think about who the guineapig was going to be?”

“Why can’t it be both? Unless you think you can’t handle it, baby.” The way Eddie said that was in no way meant to be mocking. Since you got shy about it in the store and even now, they wanted to make sure you were comfortable. 

“God why does this make me nervous!?”, you giggle as you cover your face.

“Because you’re adorable.”, he smiled as he pulled your hands back down to his chest. “How about we go slow and we’ll talk with you the whole way through.”

“I like when you two talk to me especially since Stevie became a teacher. Sometimes you shift into that authoritative tone when your talking dirty and it’s hot.”

“I seriously didn’t even notice.”

“We did.”, Eddie chuckles as he grips your waist and flips you on to your back. “Why don’t you go get the thing while I get this beautiful girl ready?”

Steve playfully rolls his eyes as he gets up to look for the box you hid after coming home from the shop. The metalhead gently kisses you lips as his lifts off your shirt and runs his tongue down your body. 

“Just so fucking gorgeous. Isn’t she, Harrington?”

“Always.”, he winks.

As he slides off your pants with your panties, you squirm as he continues to kiss along your skin on the inside of your thigh, down your calf, and to your feet.

When his mouth wraps around your clit, your nerves melt away as stars cloud your vision. Eddie was always a master between your legs. You assumed it was because since he used his mouth 24/7 to talk to almost anyone and everyone that would listen, he could make it work for him during foreplay. He was also incredibly patient, slowing down and using every moment to taste every part of your sex, driving you wild. 

“Yes, Eddie, please.”

His palms came to up to press down your thighs, holding your legs open wide as he shoved his face deeper into you making you moan. Your fingers threaded through his hair as his tongue flicked in and out of your entrance occasionally shaking his head to allow his nose to brush against your nub. 

“Fuck, baby. Don…don’t stop. M’gonna cum.”

Your legs trembled in his grasp as the coil in your tummy snapped and you whimper his name, tugging at his wavy mane. 

“So fucking good.”, he murmured before glancing at the other boy. “Ready?”

“Yeah. Come here, honey.” Shakily, you slid of the bed and placed yourself between Steve’s legs at the edge. “Ok, step in here.” You cling to his shoulders as he guides your movements until the strap on is secure to your hips. “Good job, baby. Now this end goes inside of you. Let me know when you’re ready.”

“I’m ready.”

They both carefully watched your face as his hands held the base of the silicone material and eased it into your core. Your eyes fluttered closed as you moaned.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah. You’re going—mmm—to laugh at me but it’s smaller than you two so it doesn’t physically hurt but—fuck—just the excitement of trying this…I feel like I’m going to cum again.”

They do laugh but not at you. They’d lying if they didn’t say they were ready to bust at any moment. Seeing you get nervous and giddy in the store made them hard mostly because they didn’t think they could have that effect on you anymore. Now that you were getting ready to use it and seeing your reaction had them struggling to keep any kind of control as their cocks pushed unbearably so against their pants. 

“Well, we have to get this cock ready since this side isn’t exactly smaller than we are.”

Spinning you around, he places you in his spot at the edge of the bed, removes his clothes, and sinks to his knees in front of you. Gripping the base, Steve spits on the tip of it making you groan at the action.

“How are you doing, princess?”, Eddie asks when the man wraps his lips around the toy and begins bobbing his head. 

“I-I can feel it. He’s making it move ev-every time he goes lower.”

The metalhead smirks as he brushes your hair back from your shoulder. “Deeper the better, right, babe? Go a little faster, Stevie.”

The man does what he suggests causing the dildo in your cunt to steadily move back and forth making you whine in pleasure.

“Fuck, Steve. Please…” Your fingers push through his hair as you pull it firmly making him mewl. Abruptly, you clenched your hand, holding him still as you thrust your hips forward making him gag and drool all over you. 

“Fuck me. That’s fucking hot. Don’t stop, Y/N. Keep-Keep fucking his face.”, Eddie moaned loudly as he pushed off his pants and rapidly began stroking his cock. “I need to cum, baby, I can’t wait.”

“St-Steve? Are you still ok?”, you asked and were met with a rush of his lips as he forcefully came up to passionately kiss you. 

“I’m so fucking fine, honey. Do that again. Make yourself cum.”

Placing your other hand in his hair, you clung to him as you thrust upwards, using him to chase your high. His own fingers dug into the meat of your hips guiding you till your vision was blinded and you came hard. Eddie whimpered next to you as you turned your head to see him release his seed on to his thighs. 

“Steve, baby. You, uh, you’ll have to go first. I need to recharge.”, the metalhead chuckles as he pats the bed beside him. 

Steve climbs up your body, kissing your sweaty frame along the way. “How do you want me?”

He smirks as your face becomes bright red and he leans down to softly kiss your lips. “Tell me, beautiful girl. How do you want to fuck me?”

“I want to see your face. I want to watch your face…” Nodding, he kisses you again before flipping over onto his back. “Eddie, can you help me?”

“Of course, sweetheart.” He gently moves you around till you’re in-between the other boy’s legs who in response opens and lifts them up for you, holding them up at the knee. With his palm on your lower back, he pushes you forward and as you take hold of the base of the toy, pressing it towards his entrance. “There you go, baby. You may feel a bit of resistance but that’s because pretty boy here is tight as fuck. Whenever you’re ready.”

Your eyes meet Steve’s silently asking for permission and when he nods again, you slowly begin to inch forward. 

“Oh fuuuuck…”, he moans as his head falls back against the mattress. “Ke-keep going, babe. It feels really fucking good.”

Your mouth falls open in a silent moan as you watch him squirm and fall apart underneath you. This is because of you and it’s making you clench tightly around the toy inside of you. 

“Yes, baby, you look so fucking sexy right now. You don’t—mmm—you don’t even know. Please…please, Y/N. Take me, baby, I’m yours.”

Your head hangs as you begin thrusting into him until fingers find your chin and tilt your eyes towards the man under you. 

“You said you wanted to watch him, sweetheart. He’s so handsome when he comes apart like this isn’t he?” Eddie leans over Steve’s cock and a line of spit falls on the tip before he reaches down to stroke him, matching your pace. 

“Oh fuck you, Munson.”, he groans as he cranes his neck back.

The metalhead grins as he leans in close and continues to whisper things in your ear. 

“You’re doing so good, baby. So fucking sexy taking him like this with your beautiful tummy glistening as you pump in him. Jesus, your entire body is gorgeous, just like his. Look at what you’re doing to him. You should try rolling your hips and press deeper into him.”

His hand guided you down to Steve’s chest who promptly encases you in his arms as you did what Eddie suggested. 

“Yes, baby. Faster, please. I’m gonna cum. Cum with me.”

Your sides began to burn as you did what he requested but you didn’t care. As your forehead fell on his, his pants warmed your face and you quickly covered his mouth as he moaned loudly. You both came at the same time, your body shuttering against his as you felt his spend hit your stomach. Leaning back, you continued to stroke him, elongating his orgasm as much as you could. 

“Ok, ok, please…please.” Steve reached for your hand as he begged you to stop. 

When you gradually pulled out, you collapsed against Eddie’s chest who in turn fell back against the pillows as he played with your hair and murmured praises.

“You did amazing, princess. Look at him. He’s in heaven right now because of you. Are you ok? Do you need some water or anything? Actually, I don’t know why I’m asking.” He reaches for the glass near the bed and places the rim near your lips. “Drink this, baby.”

You do as he says relishing the cool liquid as it slides down your throat. 

“I want to make you feel good to.”

“We can do again another time—”

“Please, Eddie.”

He chuckles as he kisses your forehead. “Ok, come here, my love.”

Turning you around he places your back against the headboard with pillows behind you so you’d be more comfortable. Steve sluggishly moved out of the way as you extended your legs, lying beside you both as he continued to watch with hooded eyes. 

“Alright, sweetheart, you did so well but I’m going to take more of the control here, ok?”

“I’m ok with that.”, you grin as he straddles his legs on either side of you.  

Reaching behind him, he took hold of the toy and slowly began descending onto it. 

“Fuck me.”

“D-Do you need lube or anything?”

Eddie aggressively shook his head, his hair blocking his face as he continued what he was doing till you felt his body against yours. Keeping most of the weight on his knees he began bouncing on top of you and a strangled moan left both your lips. Your fingers extended up to trail down his chest to his stomach as you took in the sight of him. Is this how they felt when you were riding them?

“F-fuck, Eddie. You look so—mmm—so good.”

Steve’s own fingers reached out trail the sweat down your throat to your tits as he played with your nipples, pinching them between his thumb and index making you whimper. You don’t know if it was seeing him like this or having the other boy touch you the way he was but your second wind suddenly came and took over. 

Grabbing Eddie’s waist, you pushed him off of you and to the side onto his tummy, climbing on top of him, and motioning for him to spread his legs. 

He moaned at your confidence, doing what you asked, and grunting as you slid into his ass. Leaning forward, you thrust your hips as his arm flew back to press his fingers into your thighs trying to guide you. 

“I want you to feel…what he felt…” You kissed along his shoulders, moving some of his hair away from his face. “Tell me what—mmm—what you need, baby. Please.”

“H-harder.”, was all he could get out, his jaw going slack when you pounded your hips into his. 

Pushing up on to your palms, you watched as Steve slid his hand into the boy’s hair behind his head and brought his lips to his. Their tongues mingled together as you fell against his back, rolling your hips as he groaned.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”, Eddie whined against the other man’s lips as he came, rutting his hips between you and the mattress. As he pushed back against you, it was enough to send you over the edge again as you pressed your face into his back and came as well. 

After pulling out of him, you tumbled on to your back as you both tried to catch your breath. Your hand blindly slid between your legs as you maneuvered the toy out of your now aching, overstimulated hole. When you finally opened your eyes to glance their way, you found them drunkenly smiling at you with half lidded eyes; Eddie still on his stomach with Steve resting his cheek between the other man’s shoulder blades. 

“I may need to start doing some crunches or something because my abs are sore.” Their grins grow as you giggle. “Did I do okay?”

The metalhead’s arm shot out to tug you closer to them, resting it across you as his palm pets your sweaty head.

“Better than.”, he murmured as Steve nodded in agreement. 

Silently, they roll out of bed and pick you up, bringing you to the bathroom to get clean. As the tub filled up, Eddie sat on the edge and helped you step out of the harnesses of the strap on. Once everything was ready, the three of you piled in as you cocooned yourself against Steve’s chest. 

“How did it feel for you?”, he asked as his palms roamed along your arms.

“I liked it a lot. More so watching what it did to you two. Did you like it because of the toy or because of me?”

“Both.”, Eddie answers. “You became more confident with it. It was sexy.”

“I wouldn’t say confident.”, you laugh. “I just wanted to make you feel good. I—”

“It felt good seeing us cum and knowing it was because of you.”, Steve finished for you. “We know the feeling.”

“I love you both…so much.”

“We love you to, sweetheart.”

The baby monitor in the bedroom pulls everyone from their blissful haze as James’s loudly comes through.

“I got him.” Steve rises as he grips your arm and helps you out as Eddie follows. 

While he changes the sheets, you quickly pull on some underwear and one of the metalhead’s shirts before hiding the strap-on in the bathroom making a mental note to clean it in the morning.

Right as you emerge back into the bedroom, Steve comes back with a wide-eyed baby who promptly falls into your arms. 

“Oof. What’s wrong, baby boy? You miss us?”

Once the bed becomes available, you climb into it and place James on your lap to lean against your knees as Eddie flops down beside you in his sweats. 

“Sir, it is after midnight. You should be asleep.” The baby babbles in his direction and reaches for his finger as the metalhead tries to poke his nose. “Nope. Nothing can stop me!”

As soon as the pad of his index fingers connect, James smiles wide in his direction. 

After you took the baby, Steve disappeared to heat up the bottle, shaking it as he returned and climbed in beside you. As you lay him between you both, he places the end into his mouth, trying to hold it with his little hands as Steve holds the end. 

“I remember a time when this frightened you.”, you smiled. “Obviously, there was no reason to be.”

James’s eyes began to droop as he rubbed his fist against them. You can’t help but giggle when you hear Eddie’s light snores behind you. 

“I think we’re all exhausted.”, Steve grins as he reaches out to pet your head. “Close your eyes, baby. I’ll sit with him till he’s done.”

As you shift your body further into the bed, Eddie flings his arm around your hip and tugs you closer to his chest as his face nuzzles into your shoulder. Steve’s eyes trace along the three faces of his family as his heart swells with pride. He tried remembering a time in his life when he was happier but the only things that came to mind were from the point when Dylan knocked on their door to now. 

When James finally fell asleep, he carried him back to his room and tucked him in. As he climbed back into his own bed, he caressed both your faces before snuggling up in front of you and holding your hand as he closed his eyes. 

############

@adequate-superstar @kalinaselennespeaks @strangerfreak

@dad-steddie @manda-panda-monium @alligator-person

@decadentwombatmiracle @katie-tibo @marsupiooo

@local-stoner-bitch @steamystrangerfics @lunatictardis

@adaydreamaway08 @hazydespair @actuallyspencerreid

@moviefreak1205 @waylandmorgernsternherondal-blog

@kik51199 @strngrlytn @idkidknemore @damon-loves-pie

@k-k0129 @micheledawn1975 @eddie86baby

@justmeandmymeanderingthoughts @3rriberri

@sashaphantomhive @chelebelletx @big-ope-vibes

@munsonzzgf @munsonmoonshine86

[nightingale2004]

Severus Snape as a husband, my hcs

(BTW, I know you severus fans have been secretly waiting. So here you go, and you're welcome)

First off, it took a long while for Severus to propose. And when I say long, I mean a Looooooooooong time

When he finally did propose, being ecstatic would be an understatement. You would be over the moon and say yes immediately before Severus's insecurities got the best of him.

How your relationship began is a typical story. You both met at Hogwarts and gotten close to the point of being friends (You decide on how, whether It's through Charity and Aurora, or a class project)

Severus does not understand what you would see in him, and he never says it out loud

He needs constant reassurance. He won't say it, but he needs it

Severus is secretly touch starved (YOU CAN'T TELL ME OTHERWISE!)

He wants to be near you all the time. Whereever you are is where he wants to be, and he will want to stay close to your side

He loves cuddles, especially cuddling with you

When he's buried in his work, it will be up to partner to keep him functioning properly. This means getting him to eat 3 to 4 times a day and getting at least 8 hours of sleep plus a nap or two

He will hide his past from you for a long time in the relationship, but eventually, he will open up to you

Will change his name from Snape to either Prince or your last name

I believe his patronus will change to something else

He will do everything he can to protect and shield you from the death eaters

If you both see any marauders or Lily, it ends with Severus and his partner walking away while the said partner glares daggers or an altercation with the partner defending Severus and definitely hexing them into next year

He would consider his partner to be the light of his life and his everything

If Tobias was still alive and both Severus and partner saw him, the partner (including myself) would cuss this man out, shout at him, and definitely fight him (Severus would hold us back)

Severus would definitely read to his partner

The idea of kids is frightening to Severus. If the subject was ever brought up, he would probably shut down and avoid the subject

But eventually, he will come around, especially with his partner by his side to be there raising their child with him

He will be obsessed with you.

He will want to know what you're doing, where you're going, and what is going on with your feelings and thoughts (not because he doesn't trust you but because of his past)

He doesn't believe he will be a good father to his own children, but his partner will be there to confort him

The bad intrusive thoughts and insecurities never leave, which will show itself. So his partner will have to try to chase them away

He will definitely introduce you to Narcissa and Lucius, along with Charity and Aurora

Lucius will definitely be doing a background check on you along with plenty of research. Charity and Narcissa will be the overprotective big sisters who think no one is worthy of Severus, and Aurora will be observing things closely

Severus does not like gifts a lot, but you, along with the people he trusts more than anything, will be the exception.

He will cook, bake, clean, and garden for you

He tries to prove himself as a worthy husband to you despite you telling him he doesn't have to

His love is very strong for you (SO CHERISH IT!!!!!)

He will be busy a lot with his potions and such, but he tries to give you equal attention

Prefers the sound of your heartbeat and your touch

Is very private but will often confide in you

Wants to keep you all to himself

He gets jealous but quickly becomes insecure

Is a gentleman

If you're injured or hurting, he will go into full doctor healer mode

You will be his sanctuary and his most greatest treasure

He would go against the world for you

He will entrust you with his darkness

You will get to meet baby Draco and see how good of a godfather severus is, which helps the idea of kids

Baby Draco will even be cautious of you and throw a fit or two, but eventually warms up to you

The wedding between you and Severus will be small with only both of you and Severus's most trusted friends and family

Narcissa and Lucius paid for the wedding

Charity and Narcissa decorated the wedding and planned literally everything!!

We'd be cautious of Dumbledore (for obvious reasons) and wouldn't send him an invitation, but he probably found a way to come

It took a lot of convincing, but the malfoys and Charity and Aurora loved you and told Severus constantly to not mess it up

(All i got rn. But do enjoy.)

[kevindavidday]

Your favourite things about kevin or some hcs?

my favorite things about kevin (not in order):

1) unmoanable name

2) so resilient, does not give up

3) so anxious, always one second away from throwing up or having a breakdown

this is why i love to put him in situations

4) hilarious one-liners ('its not a major loss' + 'its easier if he remains heterosexual')

5) hyperobsessive nature (i understand him on a spiritual level)

6) not a sore loser in front of the press but an absolute bitch boy when the cameras are off

7) scathing diva...what a fucking name to give him i'll never be over it

8) dramatic as fuck (he self-proclaimed himself queen 10/10)

9) chronic passenger princess <3

10) the fact that he likes pineapples? i find that so cute?

d'you think the foxes have stacks of canned pineapples or like just actual fucking pineapples lying around? that one scene in victorious when beck walks in with a watermelon for robbie cuz robbie is sad? that but with matt and kevin i can see it so clearly

11) his tendency to subject the men around him to vile levels of homoeroticism and never acting on it cuz he has a girlfriend and 'its easier if he remains heterosexual'

12) lil tramp stamp on his face. perfect for a kiss tbh.

13) he sees potential in people that even they haven't realized. i love that he shares this trait with his father unconsciously because distance separated them but they were both the first ones to see that there was more to andrew than a manic grin. i love that he does it scared. everything and anything he has to do - its all new outside the nest but he will do it scared and it's wonderful.

he's literally the world's specialest boy actually (idk which one of y'all gave him that title but it fits so well)

some hc's for kevin i have loitering about:

1) 20 thousand step skin care routine

2) absolutely sleepless moron he's going to be awake like this 👁️👁️ at the worst hours because he can't always seem to beat the nest timings (this does not help his skin)

3) voyeur (i will not elaborate)

4) muscle memory in reaching out for andrew or neil when he goes pro and being devastated when he realizes they're not there yet (they get a call asking them to 'graduate faster')

5) he would take time out for his history books no matter what - best gift for him is just an ancient book he hasn't read yet

6) remember the sex toy convo with jean and cat? would be so funny if the foxes tried that with him tbh allison's like he's so stuck up we should get him a sex toy and kev's like andrew already did (pin drop silence)

lot's more where all this is coming from but this has already gotten so so long i'm sorry 😭thank you for the ask i love thinking about babygirl of all time

[ninapi]

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┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺╚══ Be Mine? ╝

Premise: Destiny can be a fickle thing. One little mistake while dialing a random shop opened a new door for his desolated heart; one he was more than eager to go into.

Word Count: 3985

Note: This is setup in the Kimetsu academy world, just so you know~✨

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Teaching history can get a bit tedious when your students aren’t as interested in the subject as they should be.

Rengoku was a wonderful teacher, loved by all his students, but their grades weren’t as high as he would like, causing the principal to show her concern, specially for the first years. They were lovely kids, always so cheerful, yet they weren’t the smartest or most dedicated around.

The finals were approaching and if they didn’t get at least a B in his test, they would end up failing, making Rengoku extremely anxious.

A great idea popped up in his head a random Wednesday while taking a shower, what if he held some sort of study session for the kids? It’s not like he would tell them exactly what would come out in the test, but he could guide them in the right direction and make sure they know what’s needed before it was too late.

The Kamado family lived on the same block he had his apartment in, so it was decided that weekend they would hold a study session in the Kamado household.

Browsing in his phone the night before, he found a picture of the very much hyped cake he’s been hearing everyone talk about lately, even in the teacher room it was a popular subject.

Since he was devoted to his beloved children, he decided to stop by said cake shop before the session, get some for the kids, that would for sure keep them motivated, they had a lot of studying to do, feeding their brain with highly sugary treats seemed like a good idea, even if a hyper Zenitsu sounded like a double edge sword.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Maps aren’t for everyone.

He tried reading the cute artsy map on their website, but that brought him to an unknown side of his neighborhood, he even found a gym he didn’t know it existed with his morning adventure, yet the cake shop was nowhere to be seen.

He then tried looking for the address in his actual maps app, turns out he was walking in the complete opposite direction. But even following every step, it kept recalculating the best route and he just didn’t know what to do with himself.

He happened to know Kocho sensei had been at the place a week before, so he tried dialing her and asking for directions, yet she was taken there by car and her boyfriend wasn’t picking up his phone, so she didn’t know how to help him.

He asked around the area, an old lady told him to turn right and walk for five minutes, then a guy walking his dog told him he didn’t have to turn right but left, so he had to go back to where he started, it was getting hot outside and he’d been walking for over an hour at this point, still cakeless.

That’s when it occurred to him that there must be a phone number somewhere in their website, he’d just give them a call, the workers should be able to give him directions, and if that failed, he would just take a taxi.

Finding the number was easier than he expected, making him innerly scold himself for not seeing it sooner, things could have been way easier if he had called in from the start.

Though, the sun was at it’s highest point by now and 8’s and 9’s look about the same to everyone in the morning sun.

A lovely voice could be heard on the other side of the line making him perk up, you sounded like a nice person, you should be able to help him, he was certain.

His overstimulated self didn’t even notice your lack of branding on the call, in all truth he should have noticed but he was just desperate.

“Hello?” you didn’t really answer unknown numbers, but you were waiting for a package and thought the post guy could have gotten lost as usual.

“Hi! My name is Rengoku Kyojuro, I’m trying to get to the shop so I can get one of those ice cream cakes, you know the fancy one that looks like a unicorn? My students have been raving about it for weeks now, but it appears I’m lost. To be honest I don’t know where I am, but I can see a fried chicken shop called “Suzy’s” and there’s a pretty bench with a line of trees on the other side of the street, do you perhaps know where I am and how I can get to the shop?”

You were so confused; you were positive this was the first time you’ve heard this man’s name in your life. Oddly enough, you did know the cake he was mentioning, you’ve been going to that cake shop since it opened a few years back and it ended up being your favorite place for sweets, you even got one of those unicorn cakes for you and your friends last week. And even more weird was the fact that your best friend worked at Suzy’s as a part time last summer, so you didn’t only know where he was, but also knew how to get to the cake shop from there. Even if you didn’t know the guy, you’ve been lost a couple of times in your life and wished someone could help you back then, a helping hand wouldn’t hurt, is not like you were busy at the moment.

“Oh you’re almost there, walk over to the bench. You see the side street behind the tree line?” he was following your instructions, a smile on his face as he finally saw the light.

“I see it yes, I also see a clothing store on the corner.”

“Yes! That’s it. Ok, just walk a bit further in the alley, the shop is pink and has a cupcake sign hanging from it’s door.” walking silently, he was taking in every shop while he heard you breathe on the other line, you sounded like a wonderful person, he was excited to meet you.

“I see it! Thank you so much! I’ll see you in a second!”

“Oh, I don’t work there! I just happened to know the shop you were looking for.” you chuckled awkwardly hoping the random stranger wouldn’t be weirded out by you. Not like the opinion of a random guy mattered to you, but somehow you wished he didn’t think you were weird.

His feet stopped on their own accord, disappointment painting his handsome features. He was so excited to meet the cute sounding girl in the other side of the line, now, that was a bummer.

“So you used your precious time to help a person in need just like that? I was right, you sounded like a wonderful woman.” for an unknown reason, your ears burned at the same time as your cheeks flushed bright pink, your free hand idly playing with a lock of your hair in a shyness display, good thing he wasn’t looking at you right now.

“I’m no such thing, just wanted to lend a hand to a very dedicated teacher. I wish my teachers were like that when I was in school.” giggling, you sat on the edge of your bed, holding a pillow to your chest.

“Hahaha yeah well my students are very special, wish you could meet them they are awesome kids, they deserve even more than an ice cream cake.”

“Hey that’s not just ‘any’ ice cream cake, ok? People lined up for hours just to get it when it came out.”

For some reason Rengoku kept smiling brightly, resting his back on the wall next to the shop’s door, yet not blocking the way out. “I know it’s a special cake don’t worry, that’s why I wanted to get it for them, so they could be motivated.”

“See? Gosh I wish I could go back in time and make you my teacher. All my teachers were old and strict, I almost got expelled once for going to school with red shoes, but they were so pretty I wanted my friends to see them.” why were you telling all this to a random stranger?

“That’s why I became a teacher, you know? I wanted the school experience to be more beneficial and overall, a good memory for the youth instead of nightmare material.” even more weird, why was he following the conversation through, wasn’t he supposed to buy the damn cake and hurry back? It was almost time for the kids to arrive.

“I’m sure your students will appreciate it. I don’t want you to be late on my account though, I’m glad I was able to help! Hope you enjoy the cake! It pairs fantastically with a strong coffee.” even if he was disappointed the call was getting shortened, he still couldn’t stop smiling, it was starting to hurt his face.

“Oh really? I’ll get a coffee for myself on the way then. Thanks for the recommendation and for being such a genuinely caring person. You’ve helped me a great deal today.” without much hesitation he finished the call once goodbyes were shared.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It’s been three hours since Rengoku arrived at the Kamado residence.

The kids were now taking a short break from studying, enjoying the treat their lovely teacher brought for them.

Tanjiro wanted a picture to commemorate the day, a little token of the promise of moving towards the next school year with his friends.

The picture ended up being super funny, Nezuko volunteered to take it so he would be able to join his students. It was very much a representation of who they were, Inosuke was chewing on Zenitsu’s ear after a piece of cake flew over there with his harsh way of eating, Zenitsu wailing in tears, Tanjiro had an apologetic smile on his face while Genya had a disgusted expression on his face, rage radiating from his body. Rengoku seating on the middle, holding his plate and smiling lovingly at his students.

Tanjiro sent the picture to everyone and promised to print copies later on, he really liked taking pictures and collecting the happy moments he spent with his friends and family.

This gave Rengoku a wild idea.

He just couldn’t get you out of his head, he wanted to keep talking to you but couldn’t find a valid reason to call you again, so seeing the picture being this funny, he decided to send it to you via text.

‘Made it safely to the little monsters. See? They’re special.’

Your screen lit up instantly, the notification startling you. It’s not like you saved his number, but you remembered the last four digits, you knew it was from him and it had an attachment.

At first it freaked you out, what if it was a bunch of nudes? Or what if he was some kind of psycho trying to lure you in.

But he sounded like a lovely man, it wouldn’t hurt opening the message, the worse it could happen would be seeing some dick, blocking someone is rather easy these days.

Thankfully the picture was nothing of the sort but the cutest thing you’ve seen that day. His fiery locks were a sight to behold, and the children did look like a handful but also seemed to get along very well.

‘I’m glad. I see you got the coffee too. Delicious, isn’t it?’

Your reply came in faster than he imagined, the kids were now discussing the Sengoku period and their bloody battles when his teacher beamed brightly, his eyes sparkling with excitement, his face didn’t match the descriptions given by the man terrifying his students just a tiny bit.

“Sensei, is the Demon King this amusing to you?” Zenitsu was quivering behind Tanjiro, the horrified tale was enough to frighten the poor boy but the look of amusement in his teacher’s face was even more scary as he described the kills with great details.

“I- no sorry, I just got a text and got distracted. Please read the battle on page 31 and write a comprehensive description on your own words, I will check it in half an hour.” groans could be heard from everywhere in the room, he felt sorry for his students, but he had something important to attend to.

‘It was fantastic, I almost felt bad for the kids that can’t drink it yet, it really enhanced the flavor.’

‘It does! You gotta try their donuts too, they’re delightful, especially the ones stuffed with cream cheese.’

‘Oh, you like cream cheese? I do too. I should go check them out, let me know when you’re stopping by the shop, I could buy you a cup of coffee as appreciation for all your help.’ the shop was a very transited place, and you were a regular there, seemed like a safe environment to meet a random stranger without getting killed.

Yet, it was still too early for that, he would have to work harder if he wanted to meet you.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You two have been chatting non-stop for the last couple of weeks, turns out you had lots in common not just your love for sweets and coffee, but also your hobbies were similar, your plans for the future seemed to align, both wanted kids, a big house in a quiet neighborhood, a dog. Both wanted to travel before settling down, to see the world.

Talking with you was fun, it was the highlight of every day for Rengoku and a couple nights back he got the courage to video call you.

You were getting dressed for bed when he called you, freaking you out as your top was very much not on you just yet.

He thought you didn’t want to see him as you weren’t answering the call and he knew you were online, but you ended up accepting the call and showing him your bathroom ceiling while you finished getting dressed, causing a fit of chuckles to come out of him.

He was stunned by how beautiful you were, he was aware that you might not be his type, physically at least, but he was so interested in you in a not so friendly way by now that he just didn’t care, he had to see your face, he needed to put a face to that beautiful voice that keeps him awake at night, wanted to get lost in your eyes, but he didn’t expect you to be more than his type, you were a fine woman, lovely face, beautiful smile, definitely more than eye candy too as you were very smart and had a fantastic genuine personality.

The whole package.

Right now, he was sitting on his desk, grading some papers. Texts coming and going discussing the time for your meeting this afternoon. It would be the first time you’d both see each other in real life, and you were both just as excited as you were worried.

Kanae was staring at him from her own desk, a knowing smirk on her face. “Rengoku-kun, didn’t know you were dating~” this got Sanemi’s and Giyu’s attention. Nobody knew about this, not even his little brother did.

“Oh, ehm. I am not. Not yet at least.” his goofy grin couldn’t be contained, he was happy, finally going to meet his dream woman in person, but what if he chose the wrong shirt today? He tried them all out and went for the pale mint one he was currently wearing, a matching tie and a new pair of shoes, still a bit uncertain, maybe he should have gone for a relaxed fit, what if you didn’t like the professional look? There were still many things he didn’t know about you.

“Bullshit, why would he have a girlfriend when I don’t.” Sanemi was grumbling on the background, stretching on his own chair, displeased by the news.

“Well to start off, he isn’t a dickheaded asshole like you are.” Giyuu got up from his desk, glaring over at the very angry looking math teacher as he headed back to his class.

“Don’t listen to him Shinazugawa. You are a great man, I’m sure a lucky lady will appear sooner or later.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.”

“So, are you meeting her later? I noticed you’re wearing new shoes.” this woman, she notices everything.

“I am, yes. We are having a coffee date, she wants me to try these famous donuts.” his smile was dripping honey, making Kanae return it with an adoring expression. She truly wants all her coworkers to find love the way she did, to be happy and have a bright future filled with love.

“Oh from the cake shop! I’ve had them before, they’re great. Treat her well, Kyo-chan. I wanna meet her already! Do you think she would want to come to my wedding? Here, give her an invitation, you can both come together! I’ll make sure she catches the flowers.” her giddy self made Rengoku chuckle as he tucked the little envelope in his bag.

“I will pass on the message, see you guys tomorrow, I had only morning classes today.” he got up, not before checking himself out in Kanae’s mirror a few too many times.

He was ready for this.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You were already waiting for him when he arrived at the shop, dressed beautifully, a true piece of art, that’s what you were.

He couldn’t contain his blush; with rosy cheeks and a wide smile he walked over to you with determination. “(Y/N)! Did you wait long? Sorry, there was traffic.”

“Kyojuro-san! I just got here myself, don’t worry.” his hand reached for yours almost as a reflex, yet you didn’t pull away making his smile grow even wider in realization, it wasn’t just him, you wanted this as much as he did.

He was taller and broader than you imagined, his cologne spicy and a little addictive.

The donuts were delicious as well as the coffee, but what made the day one to remember was the company.

You’ve never laughed this much in all your life, he just knew how to press your buttons for you to try things out of your comfort zone and was just so relaxing to be around him, not even a stressing day at work could have overpowered those feelings.

And he felt just that as well, all the nerves from the previous night and basically the entirety of his morning, were all forgotten. He was delighted by your company, your smile tasted even better than the donuts, he wanted to see that smile possibly until the end of times.

A weird thing life is.

He never expected to find someone so wonderful, let alone have that with someone he randomly met by dialing the wrong number.

Your first date went great, after your coffee break you walked along the riverbanks holding hands, enjoying the view of the sun hiding among the dark waters. Even if you weren’t doing anything particularly interesting it felt like you had just won the lottery. You both felt so comfortable with each other, it felt like he could just tell you anything and you would accept it, even forgive him if it was something bad. You were all he ever dreamed of having in a potential partner, besides brains and beauty you were funny, interesting, sensitive, understanding, he had to pinch himself a couple of times during the day just to confirm once more that he wasn’t dreaming.

“So I have this coworker, Shinazugawa, he’s a good guy but so prickly, I feel bad for him, I wish he would find a lovely lady like yourself one day, someone that could make him happy.” you let a fake gasp out, a horrified look on your face, “Are you trying to set him up with me, Kyojuro-san? I thought we….” panicking, he held both of your hands, his eyes trained on yours almost irradiating fire out of them, “Never! I was just thinking about how much of a wonderful day today was and I felt bad for a friend that’s all! I would never!” you let out a cute giggling sound, unable to hold your act. “Oh my God, were you joking? I almost hyperventilate, I thought I screwed everything up!” he was now laughing along with you, his fingers lacing through yours.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it.”

“It’s ok, I actually like that about you. Everyone’s usually pretty serious around me, I know they treat me with respect, but I like how this feels, not having to keep up with the ‘perfect example’ a teacher must give at all times facade, being able to just be me, I didn’t know I needed this but seems like I do.” rubbing the back of his hand with your thumb, you smiled up at him, resting your head on his shoulder as you both enjoyed the last remaining rays of sunshine of the day.

“I like it too, I didn’t know I could laugh so much in just one day, my stomach got cramped and all.” chuckling, he rested his head on top of yours, the day was about to come to an end, and he wanted to savor it as much as possible.

“I’m glad you think that way, I’m also glad that you gave the strange man that filled your phone with random messages, a chance.”

“How could I not when he wasn’t just a fantastic person but also pretty cute?” he looked down at you in shock, he’s heard many things about himself throughout the years, but being called cute by someone as cute as yourself threw him spiraling into another dimension.

The way your eyes sparkled up at him, how your pretty lashes framed your eyes to perfection, how your soft looking lips called upon him like a moth to a light bulb, he just couldn’t hold himself back anymore, diving in to press his lips gently against yours while caging your face between his large hands. The kiss started out slowly, tentative, he wasn’t sure if you wanted this or not, but the eagerness behind your actions set a blaze the flames of his heart to its max. One of his hands slid down your body, resting first on your arm, then on your waist; his lips would leave the warmth of your own to travel down your neck, your jawline, your eyelids even, just to return to the safety of your lips every so often.

You weren’t sure how long you stood there bathing in each other’s passionate love, but by the time you were a panting, disheveled mess, the sun was very much asleep, the moon as high on the sky as it would be for the night, the stars twinkling above you, making the dream-like experience even more unreal.

“Is it like too soon to take you to my place?”

Laughing together you embarked in yet another new adventure, one where two end up being just one, where life lessons turn their profit, where emotional gain outweighed the stress of mundane life.

Rengoku Kyojuro now had a girlfriend, but not just any girlfriend, one he could see himself sharing the rest of his life with.

So next time, maybe pick up your phone even if you don’t recognize the number calling~

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Nina's side note: The red shoes story actually happened to me irl, we had strict uniform rules, just thought it would be fun to add it to the story lol.

Masterlist More to this series

[bluelocksource]

Karasu Tabito’s trivia (source: twt & Egoist Bible).

☆ Character's colour: Dark blue.

☆ Weapons: Keep (keep the ball from opponent), feint technique, and handwork (using hand or arm to block the opponent / to keep the distance from the opponent / to secure the play area).

☆ Nicknames: ‘Assassin’ and ‘Analyst’.

☆ Birthday: 15th August. (Obon festival)

☆ Current age: 18 (3rd year of high school)

☆ Zodiac: Leo.

☆ Birthplace: Osaka Prefecture.

☆ Family: Grandmother. Mother. Father. Older sister. Himself.

☆ Current height: 183 cm.

☆ Dominant foot: Right foot.

☆ Blood type: A.

☆ Starts playing football: At age 4.

☆ Team before joining BLUE LOCK: Bambi Osaka Youth (same team as Hiori) .

☆ Motto: "Never lose your intelligence and your curiosity!"

☆ Favorite food/drink: Kelp tea (kombucha). “It calms me.”

☆ Disliked food: Salmon roe. “The texture and fishy smell are unusual. It’s like eating a monster cells.”

☆ Favorite animal: Hawks. “I heard it has good sense in hunting." “Those sharp eyes and claws are marvelous.”

☆ Favorite season: Autumn. "I like the feeling of solitude."

☆ Favorite football player: Ruud van Nistelrooy

☆ Favorite song: “FLY” by GRAPEVINE.

☆ Favorite manga: GANTZ “The Osaka version. It’s just too awesome.”

☆ Favorite movie: “It’s a foreign movie, ‘Westworld’.”

☆ Favorite TV show: Documental (a comedy documentary program)

☆ Ideal type: Smart and strong woman.

☆ Hobby: Observing, analysing, and assessing people.

☆ Fixation: Voice/way of speaking. "I feel unusually aroused whenever I sense intelligence from the way a person speaks."

☆ Mushroom shoots vs Bamboo shoots: “Bamboo shoots. It’s pretty common but honestly, bamboo shoots.”

☆ What goes best with rice : Kimchi. “It’s good no matter how many times you eat it.”

☆ What makes him happy: To be left alone. “I want to live as I please, die as I please.”

☆ What makes him upset: Surprise presents. “It’s impossible to be happy in a forced atmosphere. I kind of feel bad.”

☆ What he thinks his strength is: Rational, calm, and determined.

☆ What he thinks his weakness is: He can't be kind to ordinary people. “I need to fix that.”

☆ Favorite/Best subject: Modern literature, Chemistry, and World History.

☆ Dislike/weak subject: Swimming. “I’m scared of water.”

☆ What made him cry recently: “Not gonna tell ya, idiot.”

☆ Usual sleeping time: 6.5 hours.

☆ Place he washes first when taking a bath: Hair. “My hair's too stiff from all the hair wax.”

☆ Number of chocolates received from previous Valentine: 6. “They’re definitely messing with me. I keep receiving bonbon whiskey.” (bonbon whiskey: chocolate confectionary that contains whiskey.)

☆ At what age he experiences first love: At age 8. “Marisa was the cutest girl in class. And then there’s ordinary me...”

☆ The first time he got confessed to: “Marisa confessed to me on elementary school graduation day ceremony. But since I’ll be playing soccer at a faraway middle school, I turned her down. Something like that. Nothing out of ordinary."

☆ What will he do if received 100 million yen: Invest in index funds.

☆ At what age he stops receiving presents from Santa: "Around 10 years old. I stopped because I want to be considerate of my parents."

☆ What was his last wish from Santa: PS4 & Winning Eleven.

☆ What will he do during his last day on Earth: “To be with someone important to me. If such a day comes, it’s good enough for me.”

* The crossed words are the changes made from twitter’s answer to the answer from Egoist Bible.

note: i want to apologize in advance for any mistake made in the translation!

[accio-victuuri]

(candy vault) : alexander mcqueen shoes, nike off white and yibo’s missing mole 🤍

this fandom has lots of candies in the past years and there are ones that fall through the cracks or things that i simply wanna talk about. also for the benefit of new turtles who probably missed it & a good trip down memory lane for those who’ve been here for a while. i made other posts similar to this before and i haven’t done a good old mini compilation so here ya go. ^^

2/23/2021 WYB was in Beijing, participating in the recording of CCTV’s Lantern Festival program in the evening. The actual broadcast was 2/26/2021.

In the materials initially sent out by YBO, for the photos, you couldn’t see AM shoes. Maybe the shoot was better off focusing on his face, which I totally agree, but it was like they didn’t want to focus on it that much. We only saw the shoes when they released the BTS video where it would be tricky to crop it out.

During the actual performance he changed into a more comfortable looking Jimmy Choo shoes. He was wearing AM outfit so it made sense that the shoes should match too. This should’t really be a big deal or even a CPN, only because changing shoes is sort of normal at events like this. Maybe he was more comfortable with the Jimmy Choo, although the choreography for this performance is not that complicated like his other routines. The way I remember it, WYB usually sticks to the shoes he has on.

The CPN alarm bells started going off tho when ZZ flew from Beijing to Shanghai wearing the same style McQueen shoes. He had shooting back in 2/24 and there were some talk that he was more than a half hour late as planned on set. So going by our collective galaxy brain, they could have spent some time together during late 2/23 and some time on 2/24 which is after the CCTV shoot. WYB probably lent the shoe to him or he just got it from their shared closet lol. This is why ZZ was sort of late, because he was with WYB. The pattern of ZZ being later than usual on set when he is with WYB is something that still happens this year. I’m not implying that he is slacking off when he is with WYB but more of just adjusting his schedule so he can accommodate the love of his life. they both deserve that in between their busy schedules.

maybe this is why YBO didn’t want to highlight that on the materials they released 2/26 ; because they knew where the shoe went 😂😂😂

While we’re in the subject of shoes, let’s take it further back with their matching nike off white in 2018. It’s one CPN that is often given as an example but I haven’t discussed on here.

AAAAAHHHHH! I miss the days when they could still wear Nike shoes. Oh well….

Looking through the airport pictures of ZZ before joining the CQL group from 2016 to 2018, there are no pair of Nikes that could often be seen in pictures of him. There are 2 back in 2017. Before CQL, ZZ had quite a variety of shoes, including a few pairs from Adidas. Like WYB, it is obvious that he likes to buy Nike co-branded products, likes to grab the latest models, and even buys more for collection.

Now let’s focus first on the shoes, it’s a collab of Nike air vapormax X off white. There are two shoes of the same style but in different colors. The black model will be available at 3/30/2018 and the white will be available at 4/18/2018. We know that at the time, WYB will surely have what’s new when it comes to NIKE. It’s either it will be sent to him cause he has a relationship with the brand or he will buy it himself. He is known to always wear the latest designs released. He is also a collector, so he most likely bought the black and white version.

WYB wore the white version on 4/28 and ZZ wore the black model on 5/8 based on photos.

As for ZZ, he was recording an episode for a show and he also used this shoe for the rehearsal. It is the same show where he had to dance and the choreography was taught by WYB. We’ve seen this in the BTS and ZZ talked about it himself.

WYB was seen again with the pair during PD101 on 5/10. It’s funny cause this is the same day where XZ was filmed candidly behind the scenes and he said he hasn’t seen LWJ all day.

These two. Honestly. They only formally “met” and then started shoot 4/16 and it hasn’t even been a month but they already have a couple shoe and ZZ was out there emoting about missing LWJ/WYB? It’s a common discussion that leads to alternative timelines like DT or 2017 or it could just be that it’s one of those rare instance where you connect with someone so quickly.

I have 3 possible explanations:

1. It’s totally unrelated. They bought their pairs separately since they like the style and collab.

2. WYB gave the shoe to XZ. I am a fan of both of them giving gifts to each other. And if you are someone who believed XZ gave him a lego set even before they started filming as a gesture of goodwill then this should make more sense to you. Also WYB is known to give gifts and that includes shoes ( for example SDC 3, he gave out multiple pairs ). This reasoning is not necessarily a CPN of them being boyfriends, but more of being close enough to give each other gifts. and not just the usual one you would give to a colleague cause if WYB only has the white and XZ has the black, it’s a couple shoe. WYB low key hinting at the prospect if them being a pair and XZ accepting it.

3. They bought it together, as you would when you’re with a friend and are scrolling through shopping apps together. I think there are fake rumors of that, the two, in between takes scroll through their phones and buy each other stuff or same style clothes. Again, it doesn’t necessarily mean boyfriend behavior, but more of being close enough to do that.

A clue for that is WYB was seen with the black pair during CQL filming around early 6/2018. You can clown that he is wearing ZZ’s shoes or he did buy the 2 kinds for his own and ZZ got the black only.

Lastly is the stolen mole!!!!! ♥️

Since cpfs are obsessing over WYB’s very visible mole from the Bazaar shoot.

It’s one of my favorite fake and it basically says, The reason why WYB cares so much about ZZ’s mole under the lip, is because WYB also had one like this when he was little. The elders in the family said it’s something good and it means he will have a happy life. However the mole disappeared. Or i guess in his case it’s not as prominent and has faded instead.

While filming, GG has scenes where he didn’t have make up or it gets taken off because of the heat. WYB looks at him closely and points out his lip mole, saying that he had something like that before but it disappeared. GG then added that his mom told him that his mole appeared only after a while when he was young.

That’s when WYB said GG stole his mole. When it disappeared, the mole transferred to GG 😂😂😂

Maybe this is why WYB is so fixated with his mole that he even includes it in his drawing of XZ/WWX.

-END.

[fxnofthxngs]

"Lust auf Dich" (Lust for You) Oneshot

Here it is!! My spicy and smutty oneshot that has taken me FOREVER to finish! Starring a female reader and our favorite handsome German masochist, Till Lindemann himself. Enjoy!

(⚠️ Content warning: swearing, smut, sexual themes, brief relationship tension ⚠️)

“No.” Till’s deep, baritone voice sent a chill down your spine, as only his East German accent could, his cerulean eyes darkening and brows furrowing as he sat on the edge of the queen-sized bed. He and his long-term partner, you, of about a year had been staying in a modest hotel in Berlin, on a short vacation after both of you had been quite stressed with work lately.

“Till, come on, don’t do this,” You replied while rolling your eyes, slowly shaking your head as you stood across the room from him, leaning against the wall with tightly folded arms. Your hair bounced slightly with the movement of your head, and your right foot had inadvertently begun tapping incessantly against the floor with your growing anxiety.

“Nein, das tust du nicht. (No, you don’t do this.)“ He snapped back with a slight curl of his upper lip, a small chuckle of disbelief escaping his lips while he ran his hands over the dyed blonde locks on his head.

“Oh, verdammt noch mal – (Oh, for f*ck’s sake) I told you it would be just a month! Do you not trust me to be by myself?” 

You retorted, a simmering anger coursing through your veins as you narrowed your eyes and glared over at your lover. At that point, Till rose from the bed and stalked over to where you remained leaning against the wall beside the door, stopping just in front of you. You did not budge an inch, merely dropping your arms to your sides as you sized him up. Till smirked with a sense of disdain, pressing one hand against the wall beside your head, the other lovingly cupping your cheek with his larger, calloused hand. 

“What if I could arrange for you to get some extra sick days off work? That way, you wouldn’t have to go anywhere, and you could stay here.” He whispered, in a tone that dripped with the kind of lust and honey only reserved for you to hear. 

You immediately widened your eyes, cocking your head slowly to the side, debating the option being presented to you. On the one hand, you would have preferred to physically be at your workplace, despite it being a stifling and stuffy office job, where you practically sat at your desk for 8 hours a day. Also, it would be nice to visit your family for the first time in almost two months, since your parents were getting older and you worried about them being on their own, despite their reassurances they were fine and didn’t want you to stress over them. 

However, you simply could not resist entertaining the idea of getting to stay in Germany with the man you loved so dearly, not needing to worry about eating the same bagged lunch every afternoon and being subjected to the inevitable boredom that came with in-person business meetings and the seemingly never-ending influx of customer calls. After a beat or two of tense but comfortable silence between the two of you, you smirked back up at him and raised your chin, almost like you were trying to appear taller than him.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, gutaussehend (handsome)...” You whispered, licking your delicate lips mere seconds before Till lifted you in his arms, allowing you to hastily wrap your legs around his waist. Grabbing a fistful of his hair with one hand, and hooking the opposite arm around his neck, you smashed your lips against his and he quickly returned the favor. Till held you up against the wall, one hand supporting your butt and the other clawing down your clothed back, showcasing his insatiable need to have you right then and there. The room, being dimly lit by several warm wall-mounted light fixtures held up by intricate brass fixtures, was quickly being filled with the sound of desperate, breathy moans, and the sloppy wet kisses between both lovers.

“Till … bed –” You breathed out softly, your brows worrying with desperation in reaction to the rocker harshly bucking his clothed hips and bulge against your clothed mound. He only gave a quick nod of acknowledgment to your words, turning you both around and carrying you swiftly over to the crisp white sheets. Laying you down, your head gently hit the pillows as he kicked off his boots and hurriedly pulled off your sneakers, keeping his much taller frame hovered over yours.

Till pulled his lips away from yours, leaving you to whimper softly at the temporary loss of contact. Throwing off his military-style show jacket , with his shirt quickly following, both items hit the carpeted floor below. You followed suit, tearing off your own shirt, and hurrying to unclasp your bra before tossing those down, adding to the small pile of clothes on the floor. 

“Du bist sündig, weißt du das...?" (You are sinful, you know that…?“)

He groaned huskily, laughing and quickly diving down to encircle you in his loving grasp once more, continuing the bruising yet blissful kiss. Before long, Till grabbed hold of the waistline of your sweatpants, shimmying them and your already damp panties, down your legs and throwing them off of you without a second thought. You let out a small yelp at the feeling of your body now being completely bare for him to see and do whatever he so desired. Bending your legs at the knees, Till licked his lips hungrily before grabbing hold of both your kneecaps and spreading your legs apart.

“Mhm.. please..” You whined under your breath, loud enough for him to hear though as he got to work unbuckling his belt and discarding it, with his pants and underwear being the last to go before both of you were naked and on full display for one another. Climbing fully back on top of you, Till began desperately kissing your lips once more, holding your face while simultaneously reaching down to your core. Holding his finger to his lips, he spits on his index finger before pushing it as deep inside you as he could go, curling it upwards and flicking against the spongy flesh that drove you wild. You immediately threw your head back, biting down on your bottom lip and squeezing your eyes shut, gripping the pillow while your other hand flew down to grip the sheets. “Oh m – h-harder!” 

Till chuckled and grunted hoarsely, his voice sounding more animalistic and primal than anything else. Your commands did nothing to quell the aching and throbbing pain that had a chokehold on his cock, which he did his best to ignore as he inserted yet another large finger inside of you, roughly punishing your pussy, even faster and harder now. All your ears could hear at that point, besides your already hitched and heavy breathing, was the squelching of your juices as he smacked one of your breasts across the nipple, causing a harsh sting that made you cry with pleasure. 

“FUCK! T-Till..” You cried, feeling the familiar tightening of the coil in your abdomen that always began to wound up just before an orgasm. Speaking of, just before you could allow yourself to let go all over his fingers, he wagged his finger in your direction and pulled them out, to which you responded by groaning with irritation and opening your eyes to glare at him. He merely just kept that devilishly handsome grin plastered on his face, and at that point you propped yourself up on your elbows, opening your mouth to speak. Watching him spit on his cock, he began stroking it rapidly, and you felt your mouth watering at the sight of just how big he was, despite having had sex with him on numerous occasions before.

“Shh, shh, Meine Liebe.. You do not need to do anything for me, today, you only need to lean back and relax, kannst du das für mich tun (can you do that for me)...?” He cooed in one of the sweetest voices you had ever heard from him, nodding your head carefully while dreamily smiling up at him. Lying all the way back down, you got yourself as comfortable as you could while Till crawled all the way on top of you, still holding himself in his hand and not breaking eye contact with you once. You gasped sharply and felt your pussy squeeze around nothing, at the sensation of him slapping your sensitive clit with the tip of his cock, grunting at just how painfully hard he was now.

“Breathe.. For me..” Till whispered into your ear, taking note of your deep and shaky inhale, while nibbling affectionately on your ear lobe as you ran your hands up his back, anticipating the inevitable intrusion of his monstrous dick inside you. Finally, he began pushing himself all the way inside, slowly and carefully to allow you a moment to adjust to his size, which these days was a pleasureful and delicious feeling of being filled. Of course, the first time the two of you had decided to consummate your passion-fueled relationship, the stretch and burn of his dick penetrating you was so intense, to the point where you nearly passed out from euphoria, before he had even gotten all of his length into you.

Nowadays, you were usually the first to initiate the intrusion, whether it be riding him cowgirl-style and sinking down slowly onto his length, or getting down on all fours taking charge, reaching behind you to practically force him into you, which always turned him on more than he’d care to admit.

At first, his thrusts were slow and seemed to drag on, always nervous about harming you or taking his lust a step too far. After all, the heated argument you’d had moments before had irritated and angered both of you, despite having found a peaceful resolution to the conflict. However, you were not shy to let him know you needed all of him right now, wrapping both legs instinctively around his waist and bringing him even deeper inside of you. “Harder, p-please..!” You cried out, throwing your head back against the soft pillows, just as Till let out a low and guttural growl, feeling his dick get even more sensitive at the feeling of the inside of your ribbed pussy clenching hopelessly to him. His thrusts quickly picked up in speed and force, the head of his cock was now pounding against your cervix, as both of you became more frantic and desperate to be completely entangled in one another and reach the pinnacle of this intimate moment. By now, it seemed impossible to tell where one of your bodies began and where the other ended, your bodies meshing messily together.

“Till, I - I’m close! Fuck!” You yelped, with tears of pleasure brimming in your eyes as you dug your nails firmly into his back and kept a grip on his skin so tight, you were sure you’d leave a mark or two.

"Scheisse.. Noch nicht (Shit, not yet). I want you to cum on my cock, while I fuck my cum up into you, ja..?” He hissed through gritted teeth, using both of his hands to grip bruisingly hard onto your hips, taking full control and staring lovingly down into your eyes, your gaze meeting his as your mouth hung wide open. Pressing his forehead against yours, neither one of you could deny how damn good it felt to have each other like this. Raw, animalistic fucking that felt like the first time, each time.

With the tightening band in your lower belly threatening to snap at any moment, you threw your hand into his hair, grabbing a fistful and holding on for dear life. Till was close too, you could tell by the way he nuzzled his face into the crook between your neck and shoulder, kissing and sucking on the skin there like a desperate man dying of thirst.

Staring up into his lust-filled eyes, your mouth, tiny beads of sweat sprinting down your back and forehead, you could tell he was fighting the inevitable urge to cum right then and there, clearly trying to hold out for as long as he could. His brows were furrowed with determination, inching closer and closer to reaching the ultimate goal of both of you achieving the climax of your intimacy at the same time. As your toes curled together, you felt Till swipe some of your dampened hair from your forehead, wet from the sweat that had collected there before he planted a loving and carefully placed peck on your cheek. 

“Babe, please – I’m s-so close..I-I’m gonna c-cum!” You whined with delight as if you were drowning in a deep ocean of ultimate delirium and euphoria that you did not want to come up for air from. 

“Verdammte Scheiße (fucking shit)..! Me too, ah ah.. so eng, so gut (so tight, so good)..” He breathed out laboriously, reaching the pinnacle of just how hard and fast he could thrust his aching length inside of you, his languid movements now becoming slightly haphazard. By that point, you began yelling out at the sensation of your imminent orgasm, followed by a desperate moan that was swallowed up by Till placing his lips onto yours and kissing you with a heightened fervor, both of your tongues dancing in a desirous oral tango. Your heart was hammering like a drill against the forefront of your chest, and you could have sworn you could hear the blood pumping in your ears. At last, you felt that ever-winding cord in your belly finally give way, snapping like a weak twig as you felt your pussy clench and your juices gushing forth and all over Till’s cock.

This set off his own orgasm, before which he let out one final animalistic roar of relief as he gave three more harsh, pounding thrusts into you, before his hot seed sprayed forth from his reddened tip, kicking deep within your walls and painting them white. Just then, he exhaled loudly and collapsed on top of you, burying his face into the crook of your neck and leaving slow, sensual kisses on the skin there. 

Placing one of your hands on the back of Till’s neck, while the other began tracing invisible shapes on his chest, you both took the precious few moments of post-orgasmic bliss to catch your breath and allow your hearts to slow down to their normal rhythms. Slowly, you unwrapped your legs from his body and allowed them to rest on the bed, while Till let out a hearty chuckle and kissed your nose before rolling off of you, both of you hissing at the feeling of his cock sliding out of your soaked and sensitive walls. Sitting up slightly, he ran his fingers through his platinum blonde hair and clicked his tongue, while you promptly sat up as well and crawled up beside him, draping one leg over both of his and resting your head on his chest. Listening to his heart was usually something you did when you needed to relax or calm down, and Till would always indulge you by stroking your hair and kissing your head, even singing softly in German if you asked him to.

“How are you doing, Mein Liebling (my darling)..?” He cooed into your hair, his voice dripping with that sickly sweet affection that made your heart flutter like an over energized butterfly, and sent a familiar pang of want down to your core.

“Good, good, you always know just how to help me relax..” You replied, playfully smirking up at him.

“If you’d like, we could find some other ways to relax.” He challenged huskily, licking his lips and dipping his lips back down to meet with yours, kissing you softly and leaving you wanting to go for round two right then and there.

“Shh, now now, mister, let’s rest for a little bit before we think about doing that again, ja (yes)…?” You teased, pulling your lips from his, with a sultry expression painted over your face. Till nodded slowly and laughed quietly, as he usually was the one who had to tame you and remind you that he was not as young as he used to be. With both of you lying there, a mess of limbs, evaporating sweat, and relaxed breathing, you closed your eyes and within a few minutes you had fallen peacefully asleep.

Just before you drifted into unconsciousness, however, you could have sworn you heard him whisper, singing sweetly into your ear ”Ich habe Lust auf dich, nur auf dich (I lust for you, only you)…“

[simpforfic]

The tiger and The tamer part 1

Welcome to my second fanfic, This will be a Horangi x scientist reader. I got the inspo from @bluegiragi ‘s cod monster au, so show some love to them <3

Part 2 here Masterlist

Word count: 1035

The sound of heels clicking through the hallways drowned out the noises of other doctor’s idle chat. It was only 8 am in the morning, the white walls searing my tired eyes. I let out a small yawn as I walked past the same old white

hallways and steel doors with names of the subjects. This is my everyday life working as a doctor in a lab that messes around with genetics, I can't remember the last time I have seen anything other than white.

“Hey Y/n, How many hours have you slept? Looks like you haven’t slept in ages.” I turn my head towards my colleague, he leans onto the wall with a clipboard on hand. I scowled at him before walking away from that scene, can’t have a day without people telling me i look so sleep deprived.

I finally reached my destination, a steel door with the label horangi on it. I am the head scientist that monitors the subject and runs tests for them to see if they are fit for the battlefield. I scanned my key card and as I walked in, there he was staring at my soul with his yellow golden eyes from the bush. His code name is horangi but I can't really tell his name due to it being hidden from me. He is from what I can remember a tiger hybrid, his nationality is korean but how he got into the kortac is a mystery to me and his other doctors.

"Good morning Mr Horangi, hope you had a good rest." I let my finger off from the button that turns on the microphone and I watched as he stepped out of the bushes to reveal himself. Most of my colleagues are either simping for him hard because of his looks or disgusted by his facial scar. Half of his face was burnt from only leaving the skin around the eye. What makes people disgusted is being able to see the tissue beneath his skin and his teeth. He stood to his full height of 188 cm, tiger tail swayed a little as he stepped out, ears up as if he was trying to eavesdrop.

“Well Good morning to you too, Dr Y/N.” His voice was rough yet a bit deep like usual. He stood in front of the glass plane that separated us both. I could see the fake log they put in his cell was covered in scratches, “Horangi, have you been feeling okay?”, he seemed caught off guard from my question. “Yes, why are you asking?”He followed my eyes to which he quickly realised about the beaten up fake log. “Hey it's not my fault that I was hungry last night, your colleagues didn’t even bring me food when I asked for it.” He admitted to me, but this just pissed me off slightly. How ignorant can my co worker be, this is what I get when I am not allowed to choose the night shift doctor.

I let out a sigh before putting my finger on the microphone button, “I will have a chat with her about this later, Now your breakfast will come in soon. On your schedule for today, You will have 2 tests after breakfast; break time at 10:45; Training at 10:55; then the rest of the day you can either stay in your cell or go to the break area.” Horangi seemed a bit displeased with the schedule but hey I can’t change it for him, it was already made by the higher ups. Horangi muttered a silent okay before walking towards the small pool he has in his cell. I turned around to start doing some paperworks and preparing for the tests he shall do for the next 2 hours.

As I did my work, I could feel a pair of eyes staring at me the whole time as I did my work. Time to time I did turn my head towards the glass to only see Horangi still swimming around in his pool, how odd. But my small little trance was cut off by the sound of the metal door beside the glass panel being opened, letting out a sigh. I walked up to the microphone, “Okay horangi your breakfast is here. Don’t take too long.” He didn’t answer, instead he turned into his tiger form as the poor rookie seemed frozen in fear by his yellow golden eyes, orange golden fur with pitch black stripes all over his body. The rookie put his food down before running out as fast as light, closing the door behind them.

Horangi didn’t seem to mind and just laid down to eat as he ripped the meat into small bits using his sharp teeth. “So what test will he do today?” “WHAT THE FUCK?!” I fell backwards from my chair as Dr Choon-Hee appeared behind me like a ghost. “Hey language young lady.” She scolded me, I looked at the short doctor. I still get surprised from time to time at her height, only standing at 164 cm. I wonder how on earth she has not yet stepped on. “Oh, he has a medical test and a combat test after this.” I let out a small yawn as I stood up with a clipboard in hand and a radio on the other. Dr Choon-Hee gave me a worried look as she saw me yawn, “How long have you slept last night, Dr Y/N?” “Around 3 hours only..” “3 HOURS?!” She was of course surprised by my answer but to me it was normal to only sleep for 3 hours. We both chat as I slowly radioed for the test chambers to be ready and have some guards ready at the door to get Horangi.

Horangi’s pov

I watched Dr Y/N as she chatted with Dr Choon-Hee, I can’t help but stare at Dr Y/N’s body. She seemed like she was sculpted by God himself to be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, she looked so de-WAIT WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?! I shook my head in frustration out of my thoughts on her, she is just a doctor.

[chiprewington]

i'd love to hear some of your chip headcanons :3

HOO BOY UHH

Random Miscellaneous Chip Revvington Headcanons below! A fair warning that they start simple but I kind of... started to go off the rails a little bit. These also aren't everything, this would be so much longer if I had to list every single detail about him and I don't wanna do that LMAO

He didn't have a childhood. Rather, he was a suit that was built straight into adulthood, and after some prep was sent off into college. I like to think his first words were "What the frack".

His idea of "casual-wear" involves a lot of leather, tees, and/or tank-tops. Jackets with a ridiculous amount of zippers and most often in black, grey, or denim. The fact he barely has any time for himself however means he's not exactly gonna be wearing that kind of stuff anytime soon.

He's absolutely a metalhead. Probably has a decked out battle vest somewhere still in storage. He's a fan of progressive rock (and a variety of rock music in general) as well, but heavy metal is his primary go-to.

Hates being touched unprompted. Hates hates hates it. You will get a flinch out of him before he shoots you a glare and shoves you away. Do not touch him. Especially do not touch his saw.

I know I touched on this previously, but he used to emote using his saw. Plenty of revs to signify sighs, laughter, growling, etc. These days, he physically restrains himself. Revving instills a distinct feeling of dread inside him, even if it used to bring him comfort.

He doesn't own his own house, being in the middle of a war and all. Rather, there's a spare room at Cut to the Chase! that's sort of been remodeled into kind of a very compact... room. He's got a bed fit for a single tier 8 cog (though, he's a bit bigger than a normal tier 8) and plenty of drawers and shelves. Not really much room for anything else. It's enough to move around in.

Even then, he doesn't usually use that room. Usually he just turns on sleep mode while sat in his office chair. ...On that subject, he's shut off his dream capabilities. These days he gets nothing but nightmares, so there's no point.

He doesn't usually go in for maintenance hour, as it's the only consistent time he's able to have time for himself. It's okay though, he knows how to do some minor repairs on himself anyways. ...Most of the time it eventually ends with him turning on the aforementioned sleep mode before he starts dwelling too much on his thoughts, however. ...Oh, and he tends to get an earful once he's forced to go in.

[september-rainn]

Donnie darko agere hcs perhaps? 🤨

Little!Donnie Darko Headcanons

✮⋆˙ 1/2/3 - 4/5/6 - 7/8/9 ✮⋆˙

I am surprised I haven't done this earlier, he's my everything. I cannot believe it took an ask to get this made. I've seen a lot of headcanons about him being transgender and I kind of see it, so I'm following the masses and incorporating it

CW: Mentions of pills & dysphoria

☆ Donnie's little age is anything pre-puberty, typically ranging from 5 to 8, but can slip as young as 2 when especially stressed or as old as 11 when on the cusp of regressing

★ He tends to slip into little space when with his therapist (due to hypnotherapy, though he hardly counts it), when extremely anxious, or when extremely dysphoric.

☆ He's primarily pre-puberty to help with discomfort in his body due to maturing. Part of it is because he mourns never having a "masculine" childhood, and wants to live that out like every other boy got to do.

★ He refuses to have a caregiver. He fantasizes about having one, and what it'd be like, but is too independent to allow anyone to take care of him

☆ Doesn't mean people, primarily his sister and mother, haven't tried. He's more open to letting Elizabeth care for him in small doses. He starts to get agitated if he feels she's impeding too much on his "little" time

★ THE KING OF TANTRUMS!! He'll scream, he'll cry, he'll stomp his feet, he'll throw things, he'll rip things up. He has a hard time managing frustration when he is little. This contributes to his adamancy on not having a caregiver; he doesn't wish to subject someone to his fits

☆ Fiddles a lot. He loves having things to fidget with. His go-to is the strings of his hoodie, and small handheld trinkets, like a Rubik's cube. Not much of a teether. Needs to keep his hands occupied

★ Loves coloring books!! He steals Samantha's coloring books, too shy to get any on his own. Samantha notices. She doesn't say anything

☆ He loves drawing too. Depending on how old he is, it can be pen scribbles or well-thought-out doodles. He holds the pen in his fist to make his drawings look more child-like

★ He still had the doggy stuffed animal he got from his therapist. He has an unhealthy attachment to it, In and out of regression. He panics if he doesn't have easy access to it. Washing it has always been a pain

☆ The only little gear he had ever gotten for himself (aka not stolen from Samantha) was a sippy cup. Mostly drinks mixed berry juices and sparkling water

★ Samantha and Donnie play together sometimes when he's regressed. The trampoline is their favorite toy to play with. Samantha isn't aware of his regression, but she's happy he plays with her

☆ Surprisingly, he's more willing to take his pills when regressed. His brain is too foggy to conceptualize if he needs the pills or not, nor what they say about him (will fuss a little. It's tradition)

★ Only eats soft foods. Things like cakes, bread, soup, bananas, etc.

☆ Unsurprising; He likes watching the Smurfs, alongside other cartoons. He loves to curl up with a blanket and his stuffed doggy and binge episodes for hours

★ Has glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling, and a few dangling over his bed

☆ Despite his age being on the older side, he loves crib accessories, like mobile hangings and soothing bedside toys. He has one from when he was a child that plays a faint lullaby

★ Needs calming noise to sleep. Either white noise, a lullaby if he's feeling bold, or the calming voice of another. The latter hasn't occurred outside of his mind, but to him, it works all the same

☆ Plays a lot of board games. He has a hard time finding people to play with him. He's a sore loser. He plays with himself. It makes him sad. It makes him more regressed.

★ If he did have a caregiver, he'd want to call them mommy or miss. Not interested in having a male caregiver-- He's too much of a mama's boy. He's so weak to motherly attention

☆ Would cry if an older woman said he did good. Needs praise to survive

★ Someone kiss this boy on the cheek I think he needs it !!!!