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akilahia · 12 hours

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Thinking about IHNMAIMS in pretty much all of its forms.

Specifically Ted and Ellen. Obviously in the Game their relationship is very different from the short story/comic/radio drama, with Ted being in love with Ellen(although it’s evident it’s because she is the only woman left alive). In the game he shows devotion to her, he is willing to push past his usual methods of flirtation and find other ways to get what he needs.

But in the other adaptions his feelings towards Ellen are mixed. I think his unique backstory with being so dependent on women to live a happier and more lavish life style, significantly effect how he views Ellen beyond AM’s tampering

Throughout the short story Ted constantly thinks ill of Ellen. Even though prior to being placed in this hell, she had only had sex twice before. But she is the last woman alive on earth. The video game(while following a different plot line(still one that is extremely tragic and literally made me cry)) expresses that even before Ellen’s assualr she had little to no interest in sex. She would never have had sex with the four men if it weren’t for

1. AM

2. Being the Last women alive

3. AM’s deliberate tampering

In a world where characters like Benny have been so permanently physically marked as a form of torture by AM, something like sex, is not as extreme in comparison(at least from Ted’s perspective). However to be the last woman alive, with minimal interest in sex, to be tampered with in such a way, is such a horrific form of torture.

I’m going to shift a way from this for a second to talk about Ted’s backstory for the video game. I understand that the videogame makes changes in terms of backstory for some of the characters(like Benny), so we can’t claim Ted’s backstory for the game is even remotely close to whatever it might have been for the short story. However, I still think can provide interesting context to his behavior towards Ellen.

Starting off, he really isn’t the cool rich guy that he played himself off to be when life was still normal. He never came from money, he was poor and he was forced to work and couldn’t go to school. However he was good looking which is resulted in older woman being attracted to him. And when he was NINETEEN, one older woman gave him her husband’s money and offered him the chance to travel and live in luxury.

Now this probably isn’t important, or was even taken into consideration by the game makers, but I was curious as to what the possible age gap between this older woman and Ted could be. The were together for 5 years, then she died

She died specifically of an aneurysm, which according to Google typically happens between the ages of 30 to 60. There is all this stuff with the Cold War and ww3 and I was going to try to do all this math with it but it’s too late for that and not relevant to the point I’m trying to make. But I’m just going to do some simple mental math and estimate that it might have been late 60’s or early 70’s when the older woman and Ted first got into a relationship. As I’m assuming everything went to shit in 1995 since that’s when the game came out, and 25 years had passed after he met the woman. Also this makes sense as Ted’s grandfather sold the farm due to the Great Depression, since most people married and had kids young, I’m going to be generous and say grandpa was 30 in 1929, and Ted’s mother or father was 9, then 10-12 years later Ted was born. Then 19 years later it would be about the 60’s or 70’s.

I am going to presume that the older woman had been married to her husband for at least 15 years. So it might have been 50’s at the earliest possibility. And the average age people married at then was when they were in their 20’s. So when she met Ted she was AT THE EARLIEST 35. Making her at least 16 years older than Ted when the first got together. But also worth noting that they do specifically mention older. So if we look on the higher side of the typical ages for aneurisms she could have been 55 when they first met(as the 5 years would pass making her 60) so she could have been 36 years older than him.

This seriously isn’t relevant to the actual point I’m trying to make with Ellen and Ted but I got sucked in. I guess I just wanted to highlight that Ted did not have the power in this relationship, he was young and poor, while she was old and rich, and I can imagine how that kind of relationship would impact him.

The next thing I want to note is the use of the word ‘lover’.

Though it can be used in a strictly romantic non intimate sense, I think it is used in the sexual way here.

Especially with the provided context of two different definitions of the word ‘lover’ both highlighting it’s connotations with sexual relationships

Furthermore, Ted’s relationship with the older woman is essentially just a sugar baby relationship. She is letting him experience things he never could have without her money. She teaches him how to act as a socialite and gets him used to the high life.

In connection to the sexual elements above, there was a video I wanted to link here but I can’t find it anywhere anymore. It was a YouTube video with a bunch of sugar babies discussing their experiences. And one woman confides that you really won’t make much money if you are in a platonic or non intimate romantic relationship with your sugar parent. If you want to make money and live richly, you have to preform sexual favors.

Now it’s hard to say if this was the only relationship with an older woman that Ted had been in. But regardless of whether it was one woman or a billion, using his body in order to get something that he wants has become an important asset to Ted; As seen in the castle with the maid and the witch. His love for Ellen(in the video game) helps him break past this fatal flaw of his, despite AM’s obvious temptations to make him fail.

Even if this stuff was in anyone’s minds when they wrote Ted’s backstory but I think it’s extremely important to note, especially as we return to my main point.

As stated before, Ted views Ellen negatively due to her promiscuity, despite the desire(felt really gross typing this word in this context) being placed in her as a form of torture by AM. She also is a woman, and Ted’s life has been spent around using and being used by women, so definitely lots of conflicting stuff there. Additionally Ted’s experiences with sexual relations are shown to be based in being transactional.

When he agrees with Ellen to go to the caves to get the food, she rewards him by being intimate with him to show her gratitude. Ted sees it as her ‘using him.’ (From the Radio Drama, I was going to post the clip but I could only post one video in a tumblr post apparently)

In the comic, after this encounter he questions her motivations. What she got out of it, once again thinking transactionally. But her response

“Does there have to be a reason”

Really gets to me. Especially after looking at all this intertextual context. Thinking about video game Ted’s backstory with book Ted’s thoughts and behaviors, he is shown to always think there is some kind of catch. No one is doing something without getting something in return, especially if that thing is kindness.

Ted is so intensely paranoid(as seen in all versions). I think by pairing up the backstory for the game with the short story/comic/radio drama it’s evident to see how heavily affected he is by it.

He thinks he has been tormented less by AM, making him paranoid of the others, contributing towards his behavior towards Ellen. Yet despite everything from the past and all of AM’s tampering, he still finds comfort with Ellen. Her unfaltering kindness manages to reach him even when he dismisses it as a farce. She doesn’t hate him or the others for how they’ve treated her, she still wants to help them. He still cares for her and the others. But he is filled with so much fear. He even apologizes to her.

I feel like at that point in the Radio drama marks a shift. Ted has made a realization about AM and it’s a lot for him, but Ellen is there for him. It’s a genuinely sincere act of kindness from her where she doesn’t ask or expect anything in return. They have some kind of connection. Once again blending the different versions, I think that this moment between them comes together in the end when they kill the other victims together. They don’t speak to each other, they just do it quickly and he kills her. And here he doesn’t refer to her by any degrading names. In the comic he holds her. Like how in the radio drama she held him.

Overall I just wanted to point out how well all these versions really mix to provide so much more behind each character. The backstories for the video game allow the reader to understand book Ted’s actions and relationships from a new angle.

The is was super duper major mess of a ramble. It’s now 3 am and I have a migraine, so I’m done for tonight. I might clean this up another time or make another post about Video game Ted with context to his backstory since I didn’t include the events from the video game in here.

Once again these are just my thoughts and beliefs on how I think the video game backstory for Ted provides interesting context for Book Ted. I know that both stories play out differently and both Ted’s act differently so please don’t get angry if you disagree with the message of stuff I said

#ellen ihnmaims #ted ihnmaims #ihnmaims #i have no mouth and i must scream #am ihnmaims #Ted #AM #Ellen #ihnmaims ted #ihnmaims ellen #ihnmaims am #ihnmaims radio drama #ihnmaims 1995

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milacandless77 · 2 days

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𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍 𝐀𝐔 | 𝐉𝐔𝐉𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐔 𝐊𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐍

ηαηαмι кєηтσ/ яєαɗєя ѕυgυяυ gєтσυ/яєαɗєя gσנσ ѕαтσяυ/ яєαɗєя

IMPECCABLE— NANAMI KENTO

cнαρтєя 4: тняєє ɗαтєѕ Ɩαтєя

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

chapter summary: Things get chaotic in the car with Suguru, just as they do on the dance floor of the bar with him and his friend Satoru. However, the next day you wake up to find out you have a scheduled therapy appointment. This is where you meet Nanami Kento, and you're captivated by his aura from the very first moment.

After a long day at the university, you arrive home exhausted and collapse onto your bed with a sigh of relief, releasing all the accumulated emotional burden.

The exhaustion comes not only from the amount of homework but also from the damn rumor that spread like wildfire: "You saw your ex-boyfriend die and probably caused it." The stares and whispers behind your back relentlessly torment you. To make matters worse, the kiss on the cheek from Suguru and the company of his friend Satoru, who doesn't belong to the design faculty but to business, added fuel to the fire, if that were even possible. Learning that both have open relationships with attractive girls and the idea of being their next "shared lover" only complicated things further. Now you understand why they laughed between themselves when Suguru mentioned he didn't want to share this time.

Could this be more overwhelming? But amid the chaos of the rumors, there is Nobara, defending you like a medieval warrior. Then Itadori appears, explaining that he left class early just to check on you. His caring gesture comforts you; the boy really is a sweetheart. You tell them that you finally accepted the recommended psychological help and already have an appointment scheduled at the mental health hospital. They both hug you, happy with your decision.

In the middle of the mess, it reassures you to know that you have Nobara and Itadori by your side, reminding you that you are not alone in this madness. You laugh, remembering how they supported each other to avoid hitting those who spoke ill of you.

"What did you say about her? Why don't you come and say it to my face? I warned you, I'm going to beat you up!" The defiant voice of Nobara and her fist ready like a machine gun still resonate in your mind.

Itadori avoids fights, always protecting you and stopping Nobara when she gets upset. But when they call both of them crazy, he becomes an unrelenting pursuer.

"Hey, what did you say about my friends?! Come here." Then he runs after the person until he gets tired, returning only when you tell him

“Itadori, it wasn't necessary." Remembering these scenes makes you shed a few tears of gratitude that you quickly wipe away.

You change the subject in your head to what really worries you: going to the bar "Eden" to meet Suguru. You wonder if his friend will also go. Wait... does his friend also know what you did? Oh, God, you just hope not. You look at the clock and realize it is already 7:30 in the evening. If you were a cartoon character, you would have a big exclamation mark above your head, as you are always late for any place you are supposed to be.

Your excuse? You are just a girl who needs a three-hour routine to leave the house confidently, knowing you look good and can't skip any step of it. You quickly hop into the shower to take a bath and start getting ready.

You don't want to dress up like this, but it is necessary because the place you are going is usually frequented by wealthy people, which means dressing up more than usual, even though it is a youth bar where people dance, drink, and probably use drugs. After getting ready and checking the time again, it is now 8:30 pm. You opt for formal pants as the base and a black corset as a top, complemented by small black-heeled shoes.

You remember that you had invited your friends Itadori and Nobara to the bar. However, an hour after the agreed time with Suguru, both were stunned when you suggested the idea. They quickly accepted, although they usually go with other friends and not with you. They were surprised that you wanted to go, given that you had always declined before. When they asked what made you change your mind, you simply mentioned that you needed to distract yourself, relax, and get a little drunk. After this sudden change in attitude, they accepted even more enthusiastically, especially Itadori, who excitedly said he would introduce you to his friend Megumi so you could finally meet him.

Now you wonder if you will arrive on time to meet different people at different times. You estimate you will arrive around 9:30 pm and hope the conversation with Suguru will last at least half an hour, though you would appreciate it if it were even just a minute.

The invitation to your friends is also to have a decent answer when your mother asks where you are going. Saying, "I'm going to a bar to talk to a stranger about how he will save me from going to jail for fun and wants to take advantage of me," is definitely not an acceptable response.

You grab your cell phone with a growl, irritated by the constant buzzing of messages that have been coming in for half an hour. Checking, you see they are from two unknown numbers. You decide to start reading them, automatically deciphering who they could be just by reading their messages.

Unknown Number 1:

- Hey, how are you getting to the bar?

- Will you be late as always, Mary?

- Forget it, I'll pick you and your friends up too. I expect you to be ready at 9 pm sharp.

- You don't need to give me your address; I already know it. ;)

A shiver runs down your spine. How the hell does he know your address? And that you invited your friends? Worse yet, how does he know you are always late? You decide to save the contact as "Suguru Extortionist" and move on to the next number.

Unknown Number 2:

- Hey pookie~

- Suguru said he would pick you up; I wish I could have done it myself :(

- It's unfair; ever since he's had his eye on you, he hasn't shared like before, but you can schedule me as the best sex of your life ;)

N-O. W-A-Y. You don't need to think twice to know who it is. You save his contact as "Satoru Albino Rat" and head to the group chat with Itadori and Nobara to let them know you will pick them up. Both respond, puzzled, knowing you don't drive well, but you promise to explain when you get to their houses.

The sound of a car horn outside makes your stomach churn. Incredible, he really knows your address. You leave your house, trying to calm yourself as you head towards the car that screams "luxury" from miles away.

"Hey, Bloody Mary," greets Suguru, stepping out of the car with his typical playful smile and a cigarette in hand.

You respond with an intense look, to which he lets out a light laugh. You get into the luxurious car and quickly fasten your seatbelt, feeling like the man drives as if he were in Formula 1.

"You look gorgeous, I loved that you dressed up for me," he says while looking you up and down with a smile.

"Don't get any weird ideas. Did you expect me to go in pajamas to a place like that?" you respond, rolling your eyes. You decide to address the topic that concerns you. "Can we quickly discuss what we need to talk about? After picking up my friends, we won't have time in the bar."

"You want to talk about that in front of your friends? I didn't know they also knew," he replies with clearly feigned surprise.

You stare at the road, trying to ignore the colossal idiocy that came out of his mouth, as you realize you are close to Itadori and Nobara's houses. At this point, you are not even surprised that he also knows their addresses.

Minutes after picking up Nobara and Itadori, Itadori breaks the silence to mention that Megumi will meet them at the place, while Nobara indiscreetly asks how you became friends with Suguru, the idiot guy who burned you with a cigarette days before. You simply say he supported you that same day of the accident, almost forced by Suguru's gaze.

The journey continues in silence until Suguru speaks.

"You can connect to my car's Bluetooth if you want."

You take the opportunity and connect, quickly choosing "Obsessed" by Mariah Carey. You laugh mockingly at Suguru's expression upon hearing the song.

"It looks like you regret letting me connect, huh?" you say as he disconnects your phone and plays "Lost In The Fire" by The Weeknd with his own.

Now it's your turn to make weird faces, feeling your friends' eyes full of questions. Both are throwing musical hints, and Suguru laughs at your annoyance with just the beginning of the lyrics.

"No!" you protest, trying to change the song, but he lightly slaps your hand and gestures "no" with his finger, clearly enjoying the moment.

Upon arrival, Suguru gives the valet his car key, indicating to park it next to his friend Satoru's car. You almost freak out knowing he had also arrived. You get out of the car with your friends, leaning on them to keep your balance, but they immediately overwhelm you with questions.

"Are you dating him? Since when? Did you guys do it?" Nobara whispers.

"Did he visit you at the hospital? Is he a good guy? How did it start...? Hey, Megumi, over here!" Itadori shouts, calling out to a spiky-haired guy.

"No need to shout, Itadori," Megumi responds with slight annoyance.

Itadori introduces you as a great friend, and you thank Megumi for taking Itadori and Nobara to the hospital.

"Thank you for caring for a stranger" you say, shaking his hand with a smile.

"It was nothing. I like helping my friends," Megumi replies, blushing slightly as the five of you head to the bar entrance.

Suddenly, you feel Suguru grab your arm roughly and pull you quickly inside the bar, leaving behind your friends and your new acquaintance, Megumi. You try to turn to see them, but soon lose sight of them. You give up, thinking that in this big, crowded bar, it will be difficult to find them.

The long-haired boy guides you through the bustling bar, the sound of music filling your ears along with the sharp smell of alcohol and tobacco. Finally, you reach a reserved area, marked by a red ribbon. There you see Satoru, the white-haired guy, surrounded by women and men clearly flirting with him.

Suguru doesn't need to say anything; his presence alone is enough to make everyone move aside, making space for both of you to sit next to Satoru. As you sit, Satoru leans in, breathing on your neck and whispering:

“You look too beautiful right now, darling.”

He kisses your neck and then pulls back, lowering his glasses to look at your reaction. You can't express your annoyance; his aquamarine eyes shine brightly, mesmerizing you even in the darkness of the place.

“Do you want some?” Suguru interrupts your trance, offering you an alcoholic drink that looks delicious and a joint.

You know that accepting is dangerous, but danger has always attracted you. You take the drink and sip it like water, then start taking hits from the joint, feeling the excitement of the forbidden course through your veins.

Everything went to hell, but this time because you decided it. You felt high, and for some strange reason, you had found your friends on the huge dance floor. You knew they were also drunk, maybe even as high as you. You had no idea how you got there, but you knew Suguru and Satoru were also on the floor. Nothing mattered to you. In fact, you felt attracted to the danger. Smiling coquettishly, you began to approach them, enjoying the game as the seductive music played everywhere, facilitating your entry into the role.

“Hey, look who we have here” Satoru gave you a flirtatious look.

Satoru positioned himself behind you and Suguru approached from the front, forming a human sandwich around you.

“Tell whoever you want what you know, no one would ever believe a junkie like you” you whispered in the dark-haired guy's ear as you stood on tiptoes to match his height, causing him to laugh.

“Junkie? Are you referring to yourself?” Suguru responded as he lit a cigarette and began gently touching your jaw, and Satoru placed his hands on your hips.

“What do you mean by that? What do you know, Suguru?” Satoru asked playfully as he gently caressed your rear.

“No idea, she's as high as we are” Suguru lied with a victorious smile at you.

The tension became suffocating, completely taking your breath away. They started to dance provocatively: one approached from the front while the other slid sneakily from behind, brushing your rear with increasing intensity. Satoru, wasting no time, lunged at your neck to start kissing it, and you couldn't help but shudder, feeling the heat ignite between your legs. Suguru's lips called you insistently, but you resisted giving in so easily. However, the guy didn't wait for you to decide and approached you, bumping noses and breathing heavily, until he finally kissed you with a voracious passion, as if he hadn't tasted lips in years. The situation became increasingly wild: the kisses were messy, sometimes you turned to kiss Satoru, and other times he continued kissing your neck. Occasionally, they even shared passionate kisses between them, while their hands explored your breasts and rear. It stopped resembling a dance and turned into a public threesome, with tension flowing without limits.

You wake up with the worst headache of your life and the strange sensation of not being in your bed. The sun's rays hit your eyes, and as you cover yourself, you perceive a strange smell in the sheets. The chaotic memories of the previous night flood your mind. You realize you're still wearing the clothes from the day before, and this isn't your room. Did what you think really happen? You scream shamelessly, not caring if someone hears you.

Suddenly, a white-haired guy runs in, wearing only underwear, with a frying pan on his head and a dish soap bottle as a weapon, followed by a dark-haired guy who seems to have just woken up. You are startled to see them.

“What's happening? Who came in?” exclaims the white-haired guy, and you react by hitting him with a pillow as he runs away.

Suguru stops you, carrying you like a sack of potatoes while you struggle.

“Calm down, we just kissed the three of us, nothing more” he tries to reassure you as he sets you down on the couch.

“What?! You know, I still don't believe you” you protest, but Gojo laughs at you.

“Relax, besides that, we didn't do anything to you. You're intact” he says, but you remain skeptical.

You check your phone and discover missed calls and worrying messages. Your appointment was unexpectedly rescheduled to an hour from now.

“No way!” you exclaim upon seeing the rescheduling and run to the bathroom to see your disastrous appearance in the mirror.

The white-haired guy recounts how he read your text messages, replying to your mother that you slept at Nobara's and to Nobara that you are fine, and learning about your rescheduled appointment with the psychologist, while the dark-haired guy eats cereal without concern.

“And why didn't you wake me up?” you hit the white-haired guy with the pillow while the dark-haired guy watches impassively.

“I can take you” Satoru offers, pointing to himself as you continue to hit him until he offers again and you stop.

“I can't go like this, I look like a mess. They would put me in the psychiatric ward” you complain.

“Believe me, even if you fix yourself up, you'll end up in the psychiatric ward” Suguru jokes, earning an annoyed look and a middle finger from you.

“I'll lend you some clothes” the white-haired guy says excitedly as he does a hip dance and then takes your hand to lead you to his closet.

“Wait, do you live together?” you ask while the guy rummages through the closet, scattering clothes on the floor and some garments falling on you.

“Nope, but we almost always hang out at each other's places” he responds with a smile, pointing out a knitted sweater along with some pants.

“Okay... I'm not going to ask why you have women's pants in your closet” you comment with a puzzled expression, but then laugh, at least knowing the sweater is his “At least the pants are clean?”

“I assure you” he says, pinching your belly with his index finger, making you laugh.

You quickly changed, although you had a little argument with the white-haired guy because he acted as if he didn't hear you when you asked him to leave the room so you could change. The dark-haired guy joined the fight, as if he had finally woken up from the sleep that kept him drowsy. After miraculously winning that fight, you locked the door and emerged wearing Gojo's clothes. You said goodbye to the dark-haired guy and almost ran to the luxurious car of the white-haired guy, who made a silly joke by starting the car and pretending he would leave without you.

The white-haired guy didn't stop teasing you about your reaction throughout the car ride, making you roll your eyes and huff as you crossed your arms. After a few minutes, you arrived at the hospital and stayed inside the car for a few seconds, during which the guy teased you again.

“Oh come on, it was very funny” he said, but you just rolled your eyes at his comment.

“Look, it would have been funny if you hadn't done it to me. I have to go, thanks for bringing me” you said, smiling slightly although still pretending to be annoyed.

You got out of the car alone after the guy mentioned he had to attend to some matters, which you didn't care to ask details about. Although he offered to pick you up later, you refused, knowing he would probably try to be funny again and you wanted to avoid that with the headache you already had. You could only think about how bad you looked now, with makeup smudged and oversized clothes. The sweater was enormous, like you were swimming in it.

You entered the mental health hospital, nervously walking through the area. You had no intention of seeking psychological help; for you, it was a waste of time you couldn't afford. You hated opening up to strangers about your problems, but you agreed to please your mother and friends. After walking down the hallway, knocking on the assigned office door with insecurity, a soft voice welcomed you.

“Come in” you were relieved to recognize you had been assigned a female psychologist, as you had requested over the phone. If it was already uncomfortable to open up to a stranger, it would be even worse if it were a man.

The relief was brief. Upon entering, you saw two people: a brunette woman sitting at the main desk, with scattered papers, calmly observing you.

“Miss, if you would like to sit, please” said the psychologist, pointing to the armchair in front of her desk. You froze for a moment, perhaps because of her obvious tone.

As she indicated where to sit, your eyes were drawn to a blonde man in the corner. He wore glasses that accentuated his gaze and was focused on writing in his notebook, seemingly unaware of your arrival, yet exuding a natural charm that captivated you. You felt a magnetic pull towards him, slightly hypnotized as you watched his graceful and concentrated movements.

You tried to offer a smile, but the discomfort and tension within you intertwined in a tangle of emotions that made you feel very vulnerable. When the blonde man closed his notebook and looked up at you, his perfectly sculpted face displayed a seriousness that seemed to know your deepest secrets with just one glance.

“Hello, nice to meet you,” you managed to articulate, feeling a lump in your throat as his eyes seemed to strip your soul bare. He crossed his arms, observing you with curiosity and a hint of something more difficult to identify. “I’ve never been to a psychology session before; I thought it was usually just one person who conducted the consultation.”

The psychologist, a brunette woman with a reassuring smile, searched her desk for some papers while exchanging a puzzled look between the blonde man and you. It was as if the air was charged with silent electricity among the three of you, each aware of the tension floating in the atmosphere.

“Oh, now I understand why you looked a bit lost when you came in,” the psychologist laughed, trying to break the ice that had suddenly formed. “They probably didn’t call you as I asked to inform you that we’d have a supervisor visiting during the consultations. I know you preferred to consult with a woman. Is this your name, right?”

You nodded, taking the papers she handed you while struggling to keep your composure in front of the man’s presence. As you filled out the required information, you could feel his penetrating gaze following your every hand movement.

Finally, the mysterious man introduced himself as the psychiatry specialist, his deep voice resonating in the room, sending a shiver down your spine. He extended his hand to you with a gentle smile that nevertheless couldn’t hide the intensity between the two of you.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Nanami Kento,” he said, his voice warm and deep in the small space between you. “Stay calm, as if I’m not here. These visits aren’t frequent; it was just luck that you got this on your first time.”

Although you tried to remain calm, it was impossible to ignore Nanami’s overwhelming presence. His attractiveness was undeniable, and you found yourself battling a tide of emotions that seemed to increase with every second you spent in his presence.

“Here you go,” you handed the papers with your information to the psychologist, unable to avoid looking at Nanami.

“Thank you very much,” the woman quickly reviewed them and maintained her calm smile. “You can start by telling me why you decided to seek psychological help these days; there can be several reasons, don’t worry.”

As the psychologist handed the papers to Nanami, he began to review your information with growing interest. He had heard a certain pink-haired boy mention a similar situation.

“You see, a friend recommended this mental health hospital to me because he mentioned that it’s run by a man he considers like family, his second father, to be exact,” you paused before continuing. “The real reason? As I wrote in the form, I witnessed my ex-boyfriend getting hit by a bus right in front of me.”

Nanami’s eyes widened with surprise. Something clicked in his mind; you were the same girl Yuuji had talked about. He gripped the papers more tightly and observed you with a sparkle in his eyes that you couldn’t tell if it was curiosity or something else until he intervened in the conversation.

“Excuse me, Shoko. I know I told both of you that I wouldn’t interfere in the session, but this is the girl Itadori mentioned.”

Your head seemed to explode. How could this extremely attractive man be considered a second father by your friend? Was he joking? He definitely had “dad” vibes, but not exactly like a common father, more like “daddy.”

“Oh, yes, of course, go ahead,” responded the psychologist, apparently named Shoko. You realized that it seemed like the whole hospital knew about your special case.

Your dear, gossip-loving friend would get a good scolding from you, you thought to yourself.

“See,” Nanami began, standing up. It was incredible; the man was already impressive sitting, but standing was something else. Besides being handsome, you could see every muscle through the cream-colored suit he wore. You felt attracted in a way that made you feel terribly guilty, considering how special he was to Itadori. You were probably staring too blatantly, but Nanami snapped you out of the trance as he continued speaking. This time, he knelt in front of you and lightly touched your thigh, perhaps to comfort you, given that he already knew your whole story beforehand.

“I understand that this has been very difficult for you,” Nanami whispered in a soft, deep voice, his intense gaze fixed on yours. “I’m here to help you process all this, step by step. Yuuji has told me a bit about your situation, though I guess you already figured that out a few seconds ago.”

You wanted to respond, but the words got stuck in your throat. You decided to let him speak.

“So, Shoko, if you don’t mind, I’d like to take charge of your patient’s sessions,” he turned to the psychologist, who quickly nodded, allowing Nanami to address you again without removing his hand from your leg. “I know you might think you don’t need the help of a psychiatrist, but what you’ve been through is very difficult to process. You’ll probably need medication to control some reactions like nightmares. Do you agree with all this?”

Upon hearing that, you simply nodded, enjoying his closeness. The subtle touch of his fingers on your skin sent a shiver of excitement through your body. You felt a magnetic attraction enveloping you, an emotional connection growing with every gesture and word from Nanami, while he just smiled calmly. Meanwhile, you felt like you were melting inside just from that.

I don't have much to say except that from this chapter onwards, things will get more complicated and spicy 🌶️😎. Love you all, goodbye, and thank you so much for the virtual support. 💗

(The fan art it’s not mine)

You can find me on AO3 as @milacandless77

The anterior chapter:

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azalawa-scroggs · 2 days

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On why I think the "Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Chooses Death" note was meant literally

I've had this in my drafts for a while after seeing a poll that elicited a little discussion on the topic. I know this is the fandom's majority take on the subject so I'll probably be preaching to the choir, but there (rightly) is discussion about it nonetheless so I felt like giving my arguments.

I'll put it under a read-more just in case people missed the warning in the tags. Considering the topic, naturally, here's a warning for discussion of suicide. Please take care of yourself!

The thing is that Justice For All is very, very ambiguous on that. It does what Ace Attorney is really good at doing - brushing a serious topic then waffling on it until it really doesn't say anything about it, giving itself the benefit of doubt but never making a statement. Both Phoenix and Franziska's dialogue strongly hint that they have a certainty that Edgeworth is still alive, and they're proven right. The narrative doesn't try really hard to sell us the idea that Edgeworth died - Edgeworth is even on the game's box art. I've watched a few JFA walkthroughs hunting for people's reaction to all the Edgeworth talk and his apparent death, and nobody really seems to buy it - either going through great confusion or immediately going like "oh he can't be dead there's no way - he's so coming back."

However. However. It's just impossible to ignore all the subtext that points at the note being real.

The game textually sets up Adrian Andrews as a foil to Franziska. In the parallel Edgeworth draws, Celeste is supposed to represent Manfred - a mentor she admired and whose guidance she lost. But it was a deliberate choice from the writers to have Celeste die by suicide. In the same game that spent a whole game-wide subplot on slowly revealing Edgeworth's apparent death by the exact same means. Edgeworth is the one who gives Phoenix the information about Adrian and Celeste's backstory. And Franziska revealed to us she wasn't seeking revenge for her father, but for her "little brother" - in the parallel between her and Adrian Andrews' stories, it's easy to see Celeste paralleling Edgeworth, not Manfred.

And in fact Adrian is also a clear parallel to Edgeworth himself. He, too, lost the guidance of his mentor and was left questioning everything. In the infamous scene where he interrogates her in the first phase of the trial, he even puts his own words in her mouth.

If you're going to say you would "choose death", that is of no concern to me.

If you consider Rise from the Ashes, Edgeworth's dialogue leaves even less room for doubt regarding his mental state. Compilation:

Edgeworth: Hmph. Some people need very little excuse to think ill of others. It's a fact of life. Impossible to stop. Some of them even go so far as to present me with toys like this… They think it's funny. (Referring to the award he was just given)

Edgeworth: Why, I ask you? Why!? All along, I've done only what I believe is right. I have nothing to be ashamed of! But still... Phoenix: (Wow, I've never seen him this out of sorts...)

Edgeworth: Hmph. I've had to live the past two years with rumors flying around. What's another allegation to me? Ema: Cheer up, Mr. Edgeworth! I'm rooting for you! Phoenix: (That's Edgeworth for you... Always trying to hide his real feelings.)

Edgeworth: There's no excuse for what I've done. Two years ago, I used false evidence to obtain a guilty verdict. That's what it all breaks down to, and nothing I do can erase that fact.

Edgeworth: I'm tired, Mr. Wright. I feel as if… something inside me has died. [...] I know the path I've walked. You don't need to tell me. And the path I've walked... hasn't been a just one. I can't forgive myself for what I've done... and no one else should forgive me either. Phoenix: (Uh oh. I think he's serious!)

Edgeworth: ... It's too late for me. No matter what anyone may say, I realized today that I can't change my own mistakes! Not only that, but I don't even trust myself anymore. Chief Gant was right...

And of course:

Edgeworth: If you'll excuse me… there are still some loose ends that need wrapping up. Take care, Chief Prosecutor. Phoenix: Edgeworth! What will you do now? Edgeworth: ... Phoenix: Well, whatever you do, just remember. What happened in this trial can either make or break you as a prosecutor. In the end, it's up to you. Edgeworth: I know... It seems I owe you my thanks too, Wright. But what I face now... is my problem. Phoenix: Edgeworth... I'll be waiting for you in court. Edgeworth:... Farewell.

I've pulled all my quotes from the wiki, which I believe takes the DS version, but the retranslation of the port makes things even more blatant. Instead of "either make or break you as a prosecutor," the line was retranslated as "You can let what happened kill the prosecutor in you, or you can let it help you grow."

I don't know how much more literal you can get.

Of course, none of this dialogue strictly refers to anything but a professional crisis for Edgeworth. But it is a true crisis, one he takes very deeply and personally - it is his entire moral system that is crumbling down. And the phrasing of some of those lines is downright chilling. "I can't forgive myself, and nobody should do it either" "I feel like something inside me has died" "It's too late for me" or even those ominous "loose ends"... Whatever his final conclusion, he is not doing well. That's one thing RftA makes abundantly clear.

But then why are Phoenix and Franziska so angry, you'll ask me? Grief, of course. Why is Franziska adamant he still lives? Grief, of course - specifically denial. Why does Gumshoe know Edgeworth still lives? Several options. Edgeworth contacted him knowing he'd need someone to help him come back once he decided to come back, or Gumshoe is the one that prevented his note from turning literal, or Edgeworth contacted him at some other point for another reason - it could have happened at any point in his little mental health gap year.

It just makes much more sense to me than the alternative. Why leave a note saying he "chooses death" so unambiguously only to rely on a play on words? He was shown writing a perfectly good resignation letter right before that - the note was meant to be one step further from resignation. And why leave his loved ones in the dark, mourning him, for one entire year if he just deliberately left for soul-searching purposes? The man is obtuse when it comes to feelings, and honestly I could see him pulling this, but... not in conjunction with everything else.

And his arc just makes it make so much sense as well. Depression is often a comorbidity of PTSD, which Edgeworth has, as close to canonically as possible without it being spelled out. He is in an extremely fragile place psychologically - two months earlier his trial dragged him across the coals emotionally, his traumatic past revisited and revealed in an extremely public way. His quest for "perfection" was shattered not just through the losses he suffered at Phoenix's hand but through the sudden, deep and complete betrayal of the man who taught it to him. He only had one moral high ground left - the fact that he never knowingly forged evidence - only for that to be ripped away from him too. Of course he could be nothing less than unstable.

So anyway I don't have any fancy conclusion but yeah I can't imagine "Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Chooses Death" wasn't meant literally. Even though I'm pretty sure that wasn't the authorial intent, I think it must have been somewhere in the works anyway, otherwise there wouldn't be so many hints to it.

#Ace Attorney #Miles Edgeworth #cw: suicide #Aza talks too much #Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Chooses Death #cleaning my drafts a little today

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peachy-n-bee · 5 months

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I know the Dracula Daily craze has passed but I was listening to the musical soundtrack today and Y'ALL ARE SLEEPING ON THE DRACULA MUSICAL!! You're all asking for an adaption that is faithful to the book, when the musical is faithful to the book. The musical quotes the book directly in its dialogue and lyrics!! AND IT HAS QUINCEY!!

I've read Dracula, watched the various movie adaptions of Dracula, and the musical is by far my favorite!! I mean, like a lot of the other adaptions Mina has a romance with Dracula but the music absolutely fucks.

Have I mentioned the music is by Frank Wildhorn? Frank Wildhorn, who has also worked on the musicals Jekyll and Hyde, Scarlet Pimpernel, The Count of Monte Cristo, Bonnie and Clyde, and the DEATH NOTE MUSICAL! and the music slaps so hard because of FRANK WILDHORN.

#my post #dracula #dracula daily #screaming into the void #listen i've loved this musical since i was a child #i need other people to be mentally ill about it

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uncanny-tranny · 9 months

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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL #the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate #be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough #recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself #and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was #i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want #don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please #and just... give yourself space

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gayvampyr · 2 years

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“queer spaces should be inclusive of people who don’t enjoy sex and who have “strange”, negative or repulsed relationships with sex” and “sex is an important aspect of lgbt community, history, and activism and queer people should be allowed and able to talk freely about sex without stigma or shame” are ideas that can and should coexist.

#‘queer people were banned from and shamed for having sex and that’s where a lot of our activism stemmed from’ and #‘not liking or having sex is considered abnormal and a mental illness and also needs to be destigmatized’ are concepts that not only can but #often do coalign #it’s esp important to consider that a lot of lgbt ppl who have a tricky and strained relationship with sex are like that because of trauma #which is very common for queer folks #it’s really not an ace-only thing #like i am sex repulsed but it’s very hard to discern if it’s because i’m asexual or if it’s the trauma. either way i deserve to have those #feelings and be included in lgbt spaces and discussions about sex and treated as just another queer person with a different experience #instead of being alienated because my feelings about sex don’t directly line up with yours #im so sick of people in this community trying to pit us against each other. as an ace lesbian that shit is so toxic and harmful #my relationship with sex is fluid. im sex-positive always‚ but i often find myself sex repulsed. im otherwise neutral about it but im sick #of people acting like it’s either you enjoy sex and have it frequently or you hate it and you shame everyone who has it like youre a puritan #like. lesbians are CONSTANTLY getting hounded and told that we’re broken or mentally i’ll for not showing interest in (having sex with) men #for the same reason asexuality is considered bad or wrong or weird

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eveningrainstorm · 28 days

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People often talk about Rio Ranger as if he's the doll version of Sei but what I find super fascinating is that he isn't, not in the same way Fake Reko or the Dummies are replications of their human counterparts.

Ranger resembles Sei on a surface level — same physical appearance, just an unclear amount older; same way of speaking. But he is unmistakably different. Ranger is an incomplete being, missing his positive emotions, but even the true Ranger is Rio Laizer rather than Sei, because there's still something different.

Rio Ranger is, fundamentally, inhuman and yet desperate to be human. He was created to be jealous of humanity and despite his hatred for them, humanity is what he is always striving for. But it is something that he doesn't possess, and is forced to steal instead. He takes clothes from the dead and uses drawings on cards to feign emotion; he is the Dress-Up Doll, Rearranger, not possessor of anything of his own.

While the other dolls based on humans in the game have identity issues based on their personhood being defined by someone else, being merely a copy of another person, Ranger is not even allowed Sei's identity to base himself on — it's very likely he doesn't even know who Sei was. He does not have Sei's clothes — nondescript and tied to Asunaro as they are — and he does not have the capacity for expressing emotion that Sei had.

When comparing Ranger and Sei in terms of personality, differences are obvious. There are similarities, naturally — besides the abrasive way of speaking, there's the jealousy and desire for validation. But in Ranger, these are present to an extreme — they're all he has. (And, ironically, this is what Gashu claims to believe makes him so human, even when Ranger's inhumanity comes through most clearly in this lack of anything else.)

In Sei, on the other hand, these traits are tempered by logic, to put things in YTTD's beloved logic vs. emotion dichotomy. Despite his outwardly emotional nature, from what we see of him he appears realistic and focused on survival in a way that Kai isn't. He's aggressive and overly casual about killing people, but he doesn't express the glee at violence that Ranger does, only a fierce desire to prove himself and survive. Sei is jealous of Kai and desires Gashu's affection, but also has an understanding of the situation he's in that both Kai and Ranger lack — he can tell that Gashu doesn't care about him as much as he does Kai, and recognizes that the way Gashu treats both of them is wrong. Ranger believes Gashu truly loves him, a fact proven blatantly false by his eventual demise at Gashu's hands. Ironically, this blindness is more similar to Kai as we see him in his minisode, rather than Sei.

Of course, this understanding isn't simply a part of Sei's basic nature, but rather the fact that unlike Kai and Ranger, he has past experience to go on. Sei wasn't born into the Satou family — though his exact origins are unclear, based on his grief for his birth father and how he talks about Asunaro ("all this shady organization crap"), it's possible he wasn't even born into Asunaro at all. Before being sent to Gashu, he had his own father, one who we don't know anything about but whom he apparently loved. He doesn't accept Gashu's treatment of him and Kai the way Kai does because he has known a different father and a different way of life. This doesn't free him from Asunaro's influence — he still accepts the role of assassin they give him and resigns himself to becoming a killer. What choice does he have, after all? But he carries no illusions about Asunaro or his role in it. He knows that the training is cruel, that he is viewed only as a tool, that Asunaro is wrong even if they are also not worth resisting.

This is a major part of why Ranger isn't Sei, why he cannot be; because Asunaro is all Ranger knows. They are his creators, who he was literally built to serve. In Ranger's mind, he is not only Gashu's son and heir, but his creation, his masterpiece. And of course he wouldn't have been created with Sei's memories — why take that risk? Why give him any sort of knowledge of a life outside Asunaro or reason to be disloyal to them?

Ranger is not Sei — so why model Ranger after him? Because Ranger is the idea of Sei, what Sei was meant to be: a counterpart to Kai, a rival, a second choice. Gashu preferred Kai, once; Kai won out over Sei. But Kai has proven himself a failure and betrayed Asunaro, leaving Gashu with no choice but turn once more to Kai's long-dead competition. Ranger is, like Sei, the opposite of Kai, temperamental and vulgar while Kai is stoic and polite, and perhaps more importantly, capable of murder while Kai steadfastly is not.

And yet Ranger isn't Sei. Sei was jealous of those — specifically Kai — he saw as superior or at least as being treated as such; Ranger is this idea taken to its natural conclusion. Sei had lost everything he had outside of Asunaro; Ranger never had anything else to begin with. Sei was a human; Ranger will never be, doomed to forever long otherwise. Ranger is Sei only in the ways Sei was useful — desperate for recognition, willing to kill, a perfect rival to Kai — but something entirely different, an inhuman machine, in all the ways Sei was a liability.

Sei was human, and he knew that he deserved to have that fact respected. Ranger isn't human and gets only the wanting, desperate to be as good as a human even humanity itself is unattainable. Of course, it isn't being a doll that is actually Ranger's problem — it's Asunaro, who view humans and dolls alike as disposable. Sei's humanity didn't make him any less of a tool as far as Asunaro was concerned, it only made him more difficult to control. All Sei wanted was to be seen as an equal to Kai, a person worthy of respect — and this is what he gets, in the end: his face and voice used as a base for one of Asunaro's weapons, while his true identity and personhood remains forgotten.

Ranger has nothing to hold him back from doing his duty for Asunaro, nor does he have anything to hold onto outside of it. In that sense, Ranger is an ideal asset for Asunaro — at least until the very jealousy and hatred Gashu programmed into him goes too far, and he is, once again, deemed a failure. Ironically, Gashu shoots Ranger for attempting to kill a participant, when willingness to kill was perhaps the one true advantage Sei had over Kai.

In the end, Ranger is offered no more humanity in his death than Sei is — they are both merely pawns of Asunaro, set to die at its whims. But while Sei dies in the arms of his brother, receiving one final act of kindness as Kai refuses to kill him, Ranger has no one in either of his deaths but his creators: in his death as Rio Laizer the dubious kindness of Tia Safalin, making his final moments full of agonizing guilt, and of course in his first death, as Rio Ranger, nothing but Gashu's coldness, the bullet in his head a sort of culmination to the favoritism Sei found weighed against him, and a demonstration of just how far Gashu has come from the father who once genuinely cared for Sei. Sei was human, Ranger was not, but as far as Asunaro is concerned, they are exactly the same: tools, easily thrown away as soon as they stop being useful.

#also I don't know where to put this in here but the fact that both Kai and Ranger struggle to show facial expressions #while Sei does not... it's neat is all #your turn to die #yttd #rio ranger #sei satou #sei yttd #i haven't been as focused on yttd lately but i found this in my drafts and was like oh i am still mentally ill about the satou brothers huh #i have so many thoughts about sei... we see so little of him but what we do see is so interesting to me #i was writing an au where he survives instead of kai so i have thought extensively about what his deal is lol #like can we talk about how sei killed like 3 people? specifically other kids? and was super chill about it? like dude #if sei was not a tragically dead child he'd have become a super fucked up adult is what i'm saying #i need to go back to writing that fic.... maybe when i finish my 5 million other wips

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