#i see mistakes but i also feel like treating myself nicely

[really-burnt-toast]

Redesigning my COTL cast pt.1

HAHA I'm finally done! I only made busts tho bc Im lazy and Im not putting myself through drawing a size chart... YET.

It WILL come, just so I can show pretty outfits and show how ridiculous Leshy's hight is LOL

If you see any spelling mistakes, please ignore them <3

(more info and rambling under cut)

Here I'll write some more things relating to each character;

Lamb

Born in Darkwood to a single mother, their mom had named them Mellia after the flowers that grow there, since they had aided in striving off an illness she had during the pregnancy.

The Lamb grew up pretty happily despite being on the run. Their mother was eventually caught whilst they made an escape. During their years of hiding, they broke their leg during one particularly risky escape and were caught not long after.

Their number is 1.600.666 because I keep making a connection between Darkwood and Germany's Schwartzwald - there are 1.6 million sheep in Germany - so I decided to have that be the approximate number. 666 was just added for fun.

Their ear was tagged to keep track of how many sheep were caught in which realm. They just so happened to be the last to be executed. By mere coincidence.

They were born without horns and kinda made the crown shape into a set. It has the benefit that they can rip em off and use them as impromptu weapons.

Due to centuries of being treated as a tool for a prophecy and merely a vessel, their self esteem is downright horrid. Whilst they don't condone followers speaking ill of them, they pretty much let Narinder trample on their feelings up until they had snapped one day. In the end it did help them both, but it wasn't great it had to be taken to that point.

Extra: I added the vitiligo because when I imagine a human version, I couldn't help but see them as having Vitiligo. Their leg limp was made after I thought it would make them look more imposing seeing someone "weak" suddenly pull out a giant hammer.

Narinder

Found within a burning village under rubble, clutching a crown as war raged around them. He was found by Shamura and taken in.

He was the first to create resurrection and back then it was an EXTREMELY taxing ritual. It would require his own godly flesh to beckon people back to life - thus it would literally cause his skin and flesh to melt off his bones. Now that's not needed anymore but his body is still weak to it, meaning during certain stress factors, he can still become skeletal. He doesn't have scarring from it, but gained some cool markings.

He was bound by his arms, torso and neck - all of which are scarred. In the afterlife he was perpetually sitting, causing him to be paralyzed from the waist down. Once he was usurped he had to regain his ability to walk and was taken care of by the Lamb.

He was in a catatonic state for many years and it only got better gradually with many setbacks. For years he never left the bed and by the time his Siblings had been rescued, he had barely started going outside. He was also suffering from chronic pains which wasn't really helpful.

He's also very... Temperamental. It took him just as long to say anything nice to the Lamb and it took him extra long to see them as more than his vessel.

Extra: I changed his markings to be more like I had imagined them. The catatonic trait and chronic pain was added after the update and I remember how horrible it was having tendonitis and I wanted to channel my distaste into Narinder.

Shamura

Found and raised by the last gods, they weren't the greatest sibling. They may have taken in the others but it took them a long time to be anything other than cold. With Kallamar, Shamura was distant and strict - then with Narinder they attempted to be less harsh after the kid started crying himself to sleep. With Heket and Leshy they got less and less cold. They tried their best, they'd argue.

They got carried away by their feelings as they had feared at the start and that's when the first prophecy came to them. They had kept it hidden for way too long until the balance of the crown's powers were ripping at the seams due to Narinder's pursuit in power - and they made a decision. They had told Kallamar first. Then Heket and Leshy were brought in.

Stuff happened. Now they are barely coherent and at most have an hour or two at a time where they seem to make sense. Leshy stays with them the most. Kallamar takes care of them. Heket takes care of the rest. Their skull is caved in, they lost an eye and limbs - some of the damages can't be hidden by bandages.

There's also this thing that their crown keeps getting out of control whilst trying to keep their mind stable - sometimes they'll get startled - attempt to form a weapon and instead end up with their arm speared through. They have scarring all over their body from it.

Upon recruitment they are pretty overwhelmed. Their crown can't stop them from breaking anymore and they have gotten so used to godhood that mortality now feels like they are literally rotting alive. They can feel their body wasting away.

Only after getting their relic back do they start becoming more independent and stable. They nowadays go through some sort of rehab to try and regain their sense of self.

Extra: Not much was added. I wanted to give them Glasses but I can't for the life of me draw them with a pair... So Ill just say they have them but not show them LOL

Kallamar

His past is basically forgotten. It sorta slipped away since he hadn't deemed it fit to be remembered. At first he had MANY fights with Shamura, then it ceased after a confrontation turned violent which left him with a bad scar.

He had to take care of his younger siblings whilst coming to terms with godhood - filling in whenever Shamura wasn't physically or mostly emotionally unavailable. For a long time he was the only one that could comfort his ailing siblings. Dealing with that sort of made him pretty easily agitated.

When Shamura proposed the plan, he had been hesitant - but ultimately didn't say anything.

Now he takes care of his siblings medically. He hates himself more than he hates anyone else and as much as he is quick to condemn and betray Shamura - he is also quick to condemn himself. Though maybe not as enthusiastically or openly.

He likes to compensate. Giving gifts to request forgiveness - grand displays of favoritism or mainly decking himself and his multiple spouses out with Jewels. He still keeps his wedding rings around his neck and his earring references his siblings.

Funnily enough, he caused the least troubles to the Lamb. They could argue he even seemed relieved after a short while of staying in the cult.

Extra: Added Jewelry and two tentacles because he looked naked without them.

Heket

Loudmouth frog that when found with her crown, she started trying to fight Shamura - insulting whatever parent they had. She kept threatening to poison them too.

In the lineup of her siblings, she was often the one who took the sidelines. If she was happy, she was left alone. If she was displeased, she'd let herself known. The most uncomplicated of the siblings.

You'd almost miss how every other bishop would seek her out when help was needed. While Shamura helped with godhood and Kallamar with emotional needs - Heket was a good person to pester with anything else. She'd handle it - just let big sis do it. Even if she was the second youngest - it's funny how even Kallamar and Narinder would occasionally use the nickname.

Then when everyone else was dealing with their wounds, she picked up the pace and kept their respective cults from falling apart. She handled Silk cradle until Shamura could - helped with Darkwood and took over Anchordeep when Kallamar was tending to the others. No problem.

She was still loud when entering the cult. Not as much as her brother - but she loved to cause scenes. Her muteness didn't seem to hinder her at all with that. She's not allowed near knives but somehow can handle axes?

Her temper problems don't get better. She just stops being an asshole about it.

She prefers having scarfs covering her neck bandages whilst they're all bloody and disgusting.

Extra: Nothing because Heket is already perfect.

Leshy

Literally a weird insect that kept clinging to the crown until it grew big enough to hold in one hand. It bit anything that got close and by the time Shamura found it - he had started eating small critters.

And god, he kept growing and growing until he wasn't a small worm in Shamura's hand but literally too big to fit through most doors. They suspected he'd grow until the end of time. Or well, now since his crown is gone.

He never listens. He screams for fun and overshares the worst details to the point he manages to break his siblings into just accepting anything he talks about. They can't even scold him or punish him since Leshy always finds a way to make things worse for anyone else but himself.

He also copies everyone. First it was Heket's tone. Then it was Narinder's behavior - now he started growing flowers and vine braids to make fun of Kallamar and his antlers were at first a crude mimic of Shamura's pedipalps and now they grow vines to be similar to the jewels hanging from them. He refuses to acknowledge doing so.

He's very clingy. After locking away Narinder, he stayed with Shamura every day until they were out of bed rest. He follows his siblings around and when he does give them a second to breathe - hes probably laying around in Darkwood instead of doing anything productive. He does tends to plants occasionally, but he prefers "to let chaos do its thing" - as if that means anything.

He makes for a great gardener after he stopped trying to break everything upon recruitment. And once he got over growling at every living thing - he actually became one of the most well liked people living there.

Leshy knows exactly what someone needs and somehow finds a way to achieve that with the littlest of efforts. It's the thought that counts.

Extra: Braid and vines because I thought Leshy would look cute with it.

Special: The 4 bishops all wear old faith themed robes, but Shamura got the elder clothes for comfort and Leshy kept tearing his clothes apart so he is not permanently excluded from having any special outfits as punishment. Narinder wears fancy robes (who happen to be loose and warm while being special - otherwise he'd complain)

The Lamb wears one of the leaked fleeces since I loved the red riding hood aesthetic.

In the end this turned more into biographies than actual explanations but its 3:30am, Im sleep deprived and I wanted to get my thoughts out because I start having memory problems again YIPPEE

[itsthestutterforme]

“Lesser of Two Evils” (Frank Castle x black!reader)

Summary: A man comes by your house with his business card, telling you to pick a side. His or Franks.

Notes: GIF is not mine, all mistakes are my own, best friends to lovers trope, Frank is a little soft in this one guys 😂

**

“Did you get a good look at the guy?” Frank asks, examining the business card that was given to you.

Yesterday, a man with red shades and a can knocked on your door.

He claimed that there was a war brewing and that he didn’t want you to be on the wrong side. He also claimed that he was the lesser of two evils.

Then he gave you his business card and left. You were pretty shaken up at the intrusion because you could have sworn that you saw him at the coffee shop last week..

And at the gym before that..

He was watching you. And he must of followed you home when you weren’t paying attention.

Frank has always told you that you needed to be more aware of your surroundings. Says that you’re a potential victim in the eyes of criminals.

“You’re pretty and way too nice. Someone is going to try and take advantage ode that.” Frank lectures.

“What makes you think they haven’t tried already? I’m not as vulnerable as you may think.”

“You don’t have to pretend to be tough with me, baby doll.” He condescends and you rolled your eyes.

“This is New York, Y/N-“

“You don’t have to tell me, Frank. I didn’t fail geography class. I know where I am. And mind you, I am a grown ass woman. Sometimes I think you forget that,” you interrupt, standing from the couch and made your way over to the kitchen.

Given it was nine o’clock and night, but a little coffee wouldn’t hurt.

“I don’t forget that,”

“Seems like you do and it definitely seems intentional.” You retort, plugging in your Keurig.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He questions.

When you don’t answer, he pulls on your shoulder and gently turns you around.

“Come on, say it with your chest.”

“You claim to respect me as a woman but you lecture me like I’m a child,” you said firmly.

Just because you choose to stay quiet in some situations. That doesn’t mean that you were afraid of confrontation. You simply picked your battles wisely, preferably ones you knew you would win.

“I don’t treat you like a child, Y/N.”

“Whatever you say, Frank.” You move to turn back around but Frank stopped you.

“Hey,” he starts. “I know that I can be a hard ass, but I’m looking out for you. I’m not always going to be there if something happens. Even if fight to make sure I am, there’s a chance that I won’t. I need to make sure you’re capable to looking out for yourself.” He says, his hands holding your arms in place.

“Say what you really want to say, Frank. Come on, I know you want to.” You say, stepping closer to him.

“I care about you and I don’t want to see you hurt.” He stumbles, his eyes refusing to meet yours.

He was holding something back.

“What else?”

He huffs and loosens his grip on your arms. He takes a step back and rubs a hand over his face. He knows what you want him to say.

You crossed your arms in anticipation.

“I worry about you.. because I love you.” He says softly.

He’s said I love you to you before, but it was always so hard for him. Whenever he says it, he remembers when he used to say it to his kids and his wife.

It served as a dark reminder for him.

“Okay, then what would you like me to do about this?”

“I want you to go to that kickboxing gym on the 5th street. And I want you to take a police led self defense course.”

“Well why can’t you teach me?”

“I can’t,”

“Why not? You trained Kelly.” You pointed out.

“Because I can’t think objectively when it comes to you, alright? It’s not that I don’t take you seriously. I know myself and you make my head feel fuzzy. I just can’t train you, alright?”

“I.. make your head feel fuzzy?” You repeated slowly as he starts pacing around the kitchen.

“Yes, you do. And it drives me insane. I can plan secure raids with my eyes closed. I can take guns apart and put them back together again in seconds. I’m a soldier. But one look at you and suddenly I forget whatever the hell I was thinking about.” She confesses.

Your lips part in surprise. Sure he’s your best friend, but this is the most he’s ever talked about his emotions.

He pressed his hands against the corner and b bowed his head for a moment. He lets out a sigh when you call his name.

“Okay, I understand.”

“That’s all you have to say to that? ‘Okay I understand’?” He challenges, looking directly into your eyes.

“Well what do you want me to say? You’re the one that said we couldn’t cross that line.”

“It’s only going to make things harder,” he says with a sigh.

“Harder for me? Or for you?”

“It’ll make you a target, Y/N.”

“I’m already a target, Frank. A man literally came to my door saying to choose the right side. And don’t think I don’t know this is about your time as the Punisher.”

His gaze hardened at your words.

“He said that?”

“He didn’t have to.. I’ve seen him before,” you hesitated, already knowing how he’s going to react.

Crossing his arms, he waits for you to elaborate.

“When I was mugged last month, someone stepped in and beat the mugger unconscious. He gave me back my purse afterwards and told me I needed to be more careful.”

“Yeah, I know. You told me about the mugging-“

“Right, but I didn’t tell you that eventually, I pieced together who he was. His license fell out of his pocket. He later found out and went to my place to retrieve it.”

“You know the name and address of the guy who saved you from getting mugged?”

“Yeah,”

“And it’s the same guy that gave you this business card?”

“Yes, and there’s something else too.”

“You’ve go to be kidding me,”

“He’s been following me for the past month,”

“What the hell, Y/N? Why have you been keeping this shit from me? It’s important information.”

“What? You have a crush on him or something?” He adds with a tinge of jealousy in his tone.

“No, I don’t have a crush on him. I just don’t see him as a threat.”

“The guy is a psycho,”

“Other may say the same about you,” you retort.

His eyes narrow at you as he comes around the counter until he was directly in front of you.

“You’re defending him?” He seethes.

“This is why he felt comfortable enough to swing by your house in the first place.” He adds.

“I’m not defending him necessarily. I just understand him is all.”

He sighs at your words.

“While we’re still clearing the air, is there anything else you want to tell me?” He questions.

“Are you actually upset with me, Frank?”

“You’re intentionally putting yourself in danger by associating yourself with him.”

“What’s his name?”

“Daredevil,” you hesistate, watching his shoulders tense.

“And you know his real name?”

You nodded.

“You know what? Don’t tell me. I’ll kill him.”

“For what?”

“The list is long but most importantly? For even looking in your direction.” The intensity of his gaze softens just a little and it made your heart skip a beat.

“Listen I me very carefully,” he starts, stepping closer to you until you were chest to chest.

“You’re going to stop enabling him to contact you. I’m going to install surveillance outside your house. And you’re going to take the classes I suggested. In that order, do you understand?”

A snarky remark was on the tip of your tongue but something told you to keep it to yourself.

“I understand,”

“If I catch you talking with him, I’ll-“

“Don’t even bother finishing that sentence, you and I both know you’re not going to do anything,” you pat his chest before stepping away to finish making your coffee.

His hand caught your wrist and pulled you into his arms. His free hand slides up your frame and wraps around your throat loosely as a warning.

“What was that you said? I’m not young to do anything? Care to repeat that, baby doll?”

[mamamangaka]

(No one has posted this and I need it so I shall cook for myself)

- Yandere!Alastor with a g/n reader who likes toys and art stuff -

Okay so here’s the thing I kinda see about Alastor:

Hes a fucking looney who will do anything and everything to keep you if he happens to fall in love.

But lemme tell you if you break past those walls and manage to ameliorate his aceness to the point that he’s yandere about you then baby you done.

You might as well have signed over your soul to him.

I like to think only one thing in particular would peak his interest at first.

Maybe your drawing outside a coffee shop -

Or reading tarot cards at the park?

Perhaps even reading under a tree, who knows?

But whatever it is, Alastor saw you and he froze.

He never once expected to fall so deeply in love (especially not at first sight) and I feel that when he did finally succumb after a bit of denial, it would be a quick realization and he’d make a decision to seek you out immediately.

He’d closely stalk you for some time but when he gets you, he’d keep you in his radio tower, where no one else goes and where his world really is.

He’d probably kidnap you mere weeks after realizing he’s enamored, it wouldn’t take long before he came up behind you out of nowhere.

He was someone you’d only seen once or twice in passing but found attractive each time, though you weren’t exactly thinking about a partnership.

He wouldn’t be asking you, he’d simply take you.

(You didn’t need to know he’d been admiring you anyway.)

You weren’t someone of great power or who was well known. You simply met a tragic fate and unfortunately ended up here by mistake due to being involved in “black magic”.

It was unfair, in your opinion, to be cast down simply due to your divination talents and history.

Never once did you misuse your gifts yet here you were.

When you come around, you’re in Alastor room in the hotel.

He explains the situation and gives you options.

You ask to go, not interested in whatever he’s offering and he explains that’s not an option so you need to pick another one.

After demanding to leave, trying to open the door, banging and calling for help and eventually pleading and sobbing with him, you realize you aren’t going anywhere.

You wheep and hoarsely beg as he carries you into the wooded area that seems to pocket into another place.

You realize later that it was a path to the radio tower.

There’s a wooden door that leads to his own personal “home” in that tower.

And inside, I’d expect it’s quite nice.

Greenery everywhere, plants and/or herbs hanging from the ceiling and a cozy woodstove. Lovely flowers and pretty trees surrounding the outside, blocking the view of the horrors that hell had naturally.

A earthy, modest but very comfortable and exquisite environment and cottage style house with at least one library on hand.

But he can take all this beauty away quite easily, so don’t forget or step out of line. The view is a luxury he gives based on your behavior; do not tread lightly.

Now, he’s very commanding and strict with his darling, often times dictating what they eat and wear, bossing them around and physically moving them to where he wants.

• “My little doe, you were simply taking too much time to get to me, I was just helping you along.”

• “Oh darling, don’t you know I’m doing this for your own good? Don’t cry, come here: give me a kiss.”

• “No no, little doe. It’s best if you rest right now. Ah, yes, I can see you don’t want to sleep. How about I read to you or turn the radio on, hm?”

But he’s also super old timey and you would immediately be considered his spouse, and he would pamper and treat you with such respect (at least as much as he could)

If he found out you liked dolls or soft toys, well he’d be all over that and try to use it to his advantage.

I feel like it would be a rag doll copy of himself or a porcelain/ball jointed doll (dressed in 1920-1950 attire) as a Victorian styled Queen or what not.

• “You seem so lonely honey bun, so I picked you up something nice. Hopefully it will warm you a little when you think of me.”

• “I can see you fiddle with your hands a lot, mi amor. Here, have a doll to dress and play with for when your pretty hands need a break from the books.”

• “Oh my, it seems a nap is in order for your crankiness. Where is your toy? It’s better for you to have something to sleep with while I’m doing the broadcast.”

But he wouldn’t have bought it for you, oh no, because the only thing he buys you is the most pristine art supplies and most flattering jewelry and clothes —

— he’d have made this himself for you, from his own power.

And he’d use it to keep an eye on you no matter where you happened to be.

Needed a moment alone? Not without the doll he gave you.

Was hiding from punishment? Not without the doll.

If you left it somewhere in a vain attempt for distance, you’d find it on your person the second you reached in your bag or turned around.

And when Alastor found out you left it? He’d be livid.

But you wouldn’t know he was mad by his face, only his voice and the static crackle in the background.

• “Don’t you ever leave that doll again sweetheart. Do you understand me?”

• “This is how I protect you, darling. It’s best for everyone if you follow direction.”

• “Now honey, you don’t want to lose your privilege to wander around the hotel and mingle with the others, do you? Then you best keep that doll close, hm?”

If you possibly took a liking to the doll he gave you, well..

His heart might soar, he won’t lie

How cute and innocent you were, so completely unaware of the horrors he possesses — the doll possesses — if you step out of line

It’s something he really loves about you; you trust him (mostly bc you have to)

And if you took up sewing to make outfits for the doll?? He’d be so over the moon and even conjure up a little wardrobe for them if enough clothes are made.

And your drawings??? Oh don’t even get me started

too late I did it myself here I go

He would parade you around like you were the messiah of the demonic art world

It didn’t matter if you or anyone else thought you were good

You like doing it? Hes gonna over indulge you.

You drew something just for him???

Then it’s getting a golden frame and you’re getting the radio host fame.

He wouldn’t let anyone touch your sketchbook. He’d actually kill anyone who destroys any piece of your work.

He always coos over you, he’s literally obsessed with you.

Admires you while your drawing like you are the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

Always begs to see your drawings.

Does everything in his power to help you with inspiration or getting out of art block.

Hangs up his favorite pieces you’ve done around the hotel and talks you up to everyone.

• “My my, who would have guessed my little doe was so full of talent? Ah-ha, well me, of course!”

• “Oh yes, they’re nothing short of extraordinary and excel in everything they attempt. It’s absolutely magnificent.”

• “Quite the looker, aren’t they? It’s no wonder I fell so hard, they made this old withering heart beat once more.”

NOW LETS ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM:

What if you broke a rule? Either accidental or on purpose?

*rubs palms together deviously*

I mean it’s hell, so it’s not like you could actually die and he’d permanently lose you, but I could see him considering killing, traumatizing and horrifying you to make a point for when you came back. If you broke the rule on purpose or left the hotel without a damn good reason or asking him, I definitely think he’d ponder on it.

But I honestly don’t know if he’d be able to go that far if he’s to the point that he’s fallen for you.

I definitely think he’d be the kind to chain you away for a bit and ignore you for a while after really scaring you though, having only come in when you cry out for him or need to be attended.

He’d be condescending and emotionally manipulating for sure.

• “Well dear, we wouldn’t be in this predicament if you would have just listened and been good, hm?”

• “No no, you can’t come downstairs. I told you this time out is for two weeks. It’s been only two days darling.”

•“Now that’s not the way one of such class as ourselves behave. Shush your crying, my sweet.”

He wouldn’t tolerate a darling openly defying him, he’d put you over his knee and bruise your behind so quick and wouldn’t think twice.

And getting off punishments easy? Nah.

Good behavior or not, you’re gonna be going through the whole thing every single time. He won’t let you have even an ounce of wiggle room on that.

Your bottom stings after only thirty spanks? He isn’t stopping. He said 50 and he meant it, so buckle up buttercup, this is gonna be a long ride.

You don’t want to finish your plate? Well that’s a nice opinion, quite cute! .. but he doesn’t recall asking you what you wanted, so eat up ~

You aren’t tired? Well, allow him the pleasure of wearing you out and soothing you to slumber.

I think he’d allow the darling to cling to him though, that’s the kind of yandere I see him as. He’d maybe mock you a little at first and seem patronizing but all in all, he finds the need to touch him endearing and he does become fond of it.

I think he’d make you dependent on it, really. He’d always encourage you to cuddle up to him, always making sure you sit or stand directly next to him and that’s he’s always got his arm around you or you hanging onto his own.

He’d be tolerant of your crying. I think he’d find you cute while in distress, so that would be his favorite time to hold you tight. He’d caress your tearstreaks and kiss away the droplets.

•“Sweet sugar plum, you’ve been so emotional lately.”

• “Pretty crybaby, what can I do to make you feel better? Come now, there must be something your husband can whip up for you.”

“Oh, my poor, darling y/n..” he’d tsk, stroking the side of your face and nuzzling noses, “don’t cry, hush now, it’s alright, your faithful and devoted protector is here.”

[pablitosgf]

nighttime ! — ln04

pairing ! — lando norris x fem!reader

warnings ! — only one curse word and mentions of "crazy killer man"

info ! — in which y/n goes on her daily walks, however she meets someone new and falls in love when her eyes fall on him.

authors note ! — i was so bored and home alone i just began writing, so here you go! treated with 2 pieces of my work in two consecutive days, so you're very welcome. also, i didn't proofread so if theres any mistakes lmk.

format ! — writing

As soon as you exit the door for your weekly walk amid the night, the cold mixed with your unclothed skin caused goosebumps to form along your arms. Groaning as you forgot to bring your jacket, how clumsy of you. You didn't want to walk back into your house to get the only thing that would provide you warmth against the icy winds, yes you were quite lazy. But who isn't? As you took step after step you gazed at the dark skies that were sprinkled with white dazzling stars, provoking a smile to melt on your face.

The warm streetlights glistened against the pavement, and the Orange hue of the light always sent shivers down your spine. It was eerie, however, that didn't stop you from walking at night. As the steps of your shoes hit the cement it was the only sound in the dark. The houses that were once filled with light weren't anymore, including yours of course. Finally, you arrived at the clearing, no houses, no people, just you. Well, actually, scratch no people because there were. Someone you hadn't seen before lying in the grass watching the stars quietly like you did. You furrowed your eyebrows, you hadn't seen anyone come to this clearing ever during the night. Of course, in the morning it was bustling with neighbors hanging out, and the chatter of them echoing throughout the neighborhood.

Hmm, maybe you could talk to him? Lay with him? No, that’ll be weird though. Wouldn't it? Shaking your head you quietly walked to a spot in the clearing that wasn't so close to him, but you could still see him when you titled your head to the right. It was slightly creepy, to be honest. Who knew what that man could do to you? You could possibly end up on the news dead. You shook those thoughts away due to your frantic breathing. And as if the man probably heard, he averted his head to you. You heard his head move and you gulped loudly.

“You okay?” he said, his voice laced with concern. Slowly, you pivoted your head towards him, but he wasn't the creepy man you thought he was. Actually, he still possibly could be. But oh hell, he looked very good. His beautiful brown curls were unkempt but in a good way. And his his eyes? Oh, his eyes were this blue color like the ocean. It's as if you fell in love with him just as your eyes fell on him. However, you weren't sure if he was some crazy killer man who was stalking you every week.

You smiled warmly with a blush on your cheeks, praying that he didn't see it because of the dark. “Oh, yeah. I'm fine…” you nodded. He returned the smile and fireworks erupted in your stomach. Diverting your gaze you looked at the decorated night sky. It was beautiful, to say the least. You knew the feeling all too well, the feeling of love, of having a crush. You were fucked.

“You know, it's very gorgeous,” he said, and you looked at him again, he cleared his throat, “The stars.” you nodded in agreement. Silence loomed over the two of you, you shifted awkwardly, not knowing what to say. He glanced at you, “I realized, I haven't introduced myself. I’m Lando.”

“Y/n, Y/l/n,” you smiled. You let go of the thought of him being a crazy killer man. He seemed like a sweet guy. He repeated your name, your name rolling nicely off his tongue. The harsh cold wind blew again, and even though you still had goosebumps after the wind it seemed even more prominent and bumpy. You used both your hands to cover yourself as if it were a shield from your enemy, the cold winds. You didn't seem to notice him laying his jacket on your shoulders, you glanced back at him and smiled one more time, murmuring a thank you. Your cheeks began to hurt, “You didn't have to do that.”

“But I wanted to,” he said, shaking his head. You melted on the inside, turning all into mush. A man who you’d just met was the nicest man you’d ever encountered as a twenty-three-year-old woman. Excluding your father, of course, the best man in the whole world.

The two of you talked and talked until the black sky turned orange, indicating it was early morning. You never intended to talk to somebody that long. Let alone somebody that you just met. Sad to end this meeting not so short you looked at him and said, “Same day and time next week?”

He nodded, “Same day and time next week.”

[erinelliotc]

Some people (including myself) are Eddy apologists for this exact reason too- they can understand why he acts as he acts, where do come from his anger and insatisfaction with his life, and how he often gets a pretty unfair treatmente in some episodes (To Sir with Ed, Sorry Wrong Ed, X Marks the Ed, Who let The Ed In, The Good, The Bad and The Ed). On other side other characters (the kids) act just as bad as him and (almost) always come go unpunished. There several years ago Eddy got lots of hate, he was demonished and treated like a real monster and a sociopath by the fandom, devoid of any redeeming qualities. People who feel sympathy for him for his background and some of these episodes began to come to his defende and shows how he is a great character with a lot of good moments and a heart deep down.

Edd, on other side, always had the ''elite treament'', he was a angel, a perfect princess, who can do anything wrong in certain fans's eyes. Not to mention he pretty much overshadowed every other character on fanfics and fan arts, was everything about him. Another fans (usually Eddy fans) naturally got sick of this and started to push his flaws, the moments were he acted like a jerk, and how he's not above anyone on the show. And how not all his actions are (indeed) justifyable. Summing up, people were just sick of seeing Eddy being treated like a psychotic monster and Edd as the Jesus Christ figure.

Politely, just clarifying this to you. Good afternoon.

First of all, thanks for politely telling me all this! I wasn't really aware of all this because I only joined the fandom 5 months ago. And I totally get this, that's why I made the post. I saw some posts of people talking about those people who think Double D is an innocent little angel and I started to wonder if people think that about me, if I ever sounded like that, and I started to worry that someday I would sound like that in one of my future texts and videos talking about him. I hadn't thought about it when I made the post, but I hope it didn't come off as rude or an "attack" (???), I was just afraid that people would mistake me for one of those annoying people and just wanted to clarify that I'm not, because I really like this fandom and I don't want people to think that I'm annoying or that I make superficial analyses of the characters (because I personally think that oversimplifying Double D as good and Eddy as bad is something people do when they watch the show very superficially). I tend to be that type of person who feels the need to always clarify and justify myself for fear of others hating me, and also, I'm a little traumatized by Twitter where people tend to be very aggressive and mean to you for everything and assume things about you and not explain things to you etc etc... so I was a little anxious after making my post, afraid something like this might happen, but from everything I'm seeing, people on Tumblr seem so nice and kind in general. So I want to thank you again for being so kind and actually explaining the whole thing to me :)

Eddy is a character who's very easy to be wronged and misunderstood because he has great depth, several layers, insecurities and traumas that he covers with his false confidence and "jerky" attitude that he tries to copy from his brother. Obviously not justifying people treating him like a monster, just explaining that unfortunately we live in a world full of superficial people who aren't concerned with paying attention to details and stopping to really interpret and analyze things carefully and attentively, and understand that people are complex, characters are complex, and Eddy is a highly complex character. To these people, it ends up being more comfortable and convenient to just be content and cling to the character who, if seen superficially, is the "perfect little angel" who "suffers at the hands" of the "evil Eddy". I love analyzing and reflecting on things deeply, and it really irritates and frustrates me that people don't make the effort to do the same, and that happens in real life too. People quickly judge and have difficulty understanding that people are not simple and have different reasons for acting the way they do. I know it's hard to deal with people who act like jerks, I have a hard time myself, but I just wish there was a little more empathy in the world. That's one of the things Big Picture Show teaches us, right? Don't judge people because sometimes the jerk person is actually a very broken, insecure and frustrated person who just wants and needs to feel loved and accepted and doesn't really understand that. I think it's so important to learn this because it's true, sometimes people act mean not because they're actually mean, but because of so many other reasons that they themselves don't comprehend or don't want to show, and the "mean" disguise is just the way they found to defend themselves and survive.

I think (at least I hope?) it's noticeable in some of my posts that I also love Eddy (as a Double D kinnie I think it makes sense to be in love with him xD just an EddEddy joke to lighten up, but honestly I think people like Eddy are my type), I love analyzing and reading other people's analyses of his character and story, but my sympathy for him just grew in the last 5 months in fact, when I became hyperfixated on EEnE much more intensely than before and finally started to get to know about the whole story and characters. I even made a post once talking about thinking that he was my least favorite Ed, because before he actually was, but after rewatching the entire show now as an adult (the last time I watched I was a kid who didn't even understand a lot of the things that happened) and starting to analyze and read about it, now I'm very obsessed with him, I think his character is so interesting and deep, that he has the most interesting backstory and the best character development, and I even make more edits with him than with Double D (I think I tend to be obsessed with controversial and complex characters who are full of content to analyze from a psychological point of view like Eddy. A good example is Jinx from Arcane, I just love her character so much). I also recently realized that he's a lot like my brother, no wonder our mother often misunderstands him. But I get it, they (Eddy and my brother) are just people who are very hard to deal with because they carry several issues that you need to have good maturity and emotional structure to deal with, but it's so good when you can get to know a little more about them and help them get through these things when they open up and allow themselves to be discovered and helped.

Today I came across a post (which was honestly the trigger that made me make my post) from @eddfumo saying that they think Double D wants to be like Eddy in some way, and you know what? This is so true! I'll use my own experience to relate to him and explain him again, but anyway, I'm so envious of people/characters like Eddy. Even though they tend to irritate me and I even disapprove of many of their actions and decisions, they also have this determination, confidence (even if it's false, they're still able to act like confident people), attitude, audacity, strong personality, rebelliousness, extroversion and "not giving a shit" energy that I so wish I had too. I really admire these traits and I think Double D deep down does too (I like to headcanon him doing the same as I do and secretly fantasizing imaginary and hypothetical situations and discussions in which he acts more like Eddy, and he feels so good about himself afterwards, but feels frustrated that he doesn't have the nerve to do this outside of his imagination in real-life situations). Even though they have questionable morals, this type of person is so inspiring and you can still learn so much from them. It's no wonder Double D grows so much and becomes a more confident and less people-pleasing person because of Eddy's influence.

So yeah, it sucks when people simplify characters and see them as black and white, good and bad. The EEnE fandom is unfortunately not very big, but luckily here on Tumblr, at least currently, it's full of people who do in-depth analyses and that makes me very happy!

EDIT (I'm editing to add one more thing because I forgot to mention another topic that complements what you said about the other kids acting badly too and not receiving any punishment): One of the many things I plan to do after rewatching the show a few more times to properly absorb everything (I need to rewatch things at least twice to really take it all. Plus, I rewatched it the first time with the Brazilian dub because nostalgia and now I want to rewatch it with the original lines) is count how many times the Eds do real scams. Because honestly, there are a lot of episodes where we can't really call what they're doing "scams" because they're not actually scamming anyone, they're just selling something honestly and without harming anyone, but things always go wrong even when they're not doing anything wrong (often because of the Kankers, for example) and this is frustrating as hell to Eddy.

Since I haven't rewatched everything twice yet (because I'm still in the process of subtitling the entire remastered version of the show to rewatch it properly because English isn't my first language), I don't remember all the episodes accurately and clearly. But the last one I subtitled was "In Like Ed" (season 2, episode 9), so it's the example I have freshest in mind, even if it's not the best one. I know, the Eds were inconvenient in this episode crashing Jimmy's party (even though I think it's so lame that they rarely get invited to anything because the kids exclude them), opening his presents and everything, but one thing that stuck in my mind was the fact that when Eddy opened the present in front of them and revealed the sewing machine, Jimmy just said: "I'm so misunderstood. I wanted a pony!". He didn't say anything about them ruining the surprise or anything, he just started crying and ran away because he didn't get a goddamn pony. He just complained about someone's present, despised the present right in front of the person, and all Kevin said was "There goes the birthday boy. You dorks wrecked another party!". Like?? Jimmy cried because he didn't get the present he wanted, and not because of the Eds. I could even consider the possibility of them giving him "preferential treatment" and ignoring him because he's younger, but there are times when Kevin doesn't give a shit about Jimmy being younger, like in "Know it All Ed" (season 2, episode 1) when he uses the squirt gun on him, mock him and call him "twerp". Anyway, regardless of being younger, he was so rude and no one gave a shit, and not only that but they even acted as if it was the Eds' fault that Jimmy cried and ran away.

So yeah! The kids (especially Kevin) always blame the Eds (especially Eddy) for everything that goes wrong, even when it's not really their fault. And as you said, they also act badly, but nothing happens to them.

[davidchiemcore]

transcript for DRDT Prologue Episode One! going to make this a series where i (hopefully) write down all the dialogue for drdt, if i dont get burnt out. at the end, ill post a google doc with them all together

???: ……

???: Fuck!!

???: Fuck, fuck, fuck, this really hurts…

???: Ouch, I really wasn’t expecting her to attack me like that.

???: I made a massive mistake to trust them. I can’t rely on anyone.

???: All by myself, I have to end the killing game.

???: And even if I can’t do that…

???: I have to kill Teruko Tawaki.

???: No matter what.

Prologue: Distrust and Despair

Teruko: …I had a weird dream.

Teruko: Huh? Where am I?

Teruko: When I opened my eyes, I found myself resting on a bed in an unfamiliar place.

Teruko: This looks like some sort of hotel room.

Teruko: Wait, how did I even get here? I have no recollection of coming here.

Teruko: The last thing I remember was–

Teruko: Ah! I was going to the entrance ceremony of Hope’s Peak Academy!

Teruko: But this doesn’t look like Hope’s Peak at all, much less any sort of school. Just what is going on?

Teruko: …

Teruko: No use staying here, I suppose. I think it would be best if I left this room and tried to find out more about this place.

Teruko: I stepped out of the room and found myself in a hall with 15 other doors exactly like the one I left.

Teruko: Do all these doors lead to rooms like the one I just left?

Teruko: They all have nameplates on them. The one I came out of has my name.

Teruko: Teruko Tawaki… That’s me.

Teruko: I don’t recognize any of these other names, though.

Teruko: I tried each door. They were all locked. Seems I’m also locked out of the room I just left.

Teruko: No good, I guess.

Teruko: I should keep exploring.

Teruko: AH!!

Teruko: I walked to the end of the hallway and rounded the corner, when suddenly–

Xander: AUGH!!

Teruko: *CRASH*

Teruko: I crashed into another person pretty roughly, knocking us both to the ground.

Teruko: O–ouch! That really hurt…

Xander: …

Teruko: Are you alright? Sorry for knocking you over like that.

Xander: …

Teruko: Ah-! You’re bleeding! Are you okay?

Xander: Oh. Yup. I’m fine…

Xander: Heh heh……

Teruko: E–eh??

Teruko: All of a sudden, he collapsed.

Teruko: Um–Hello??

Teruko: No use… He’s unconscious.

Teruko: …

Teruko: I can’t believe I accidentally knocked someone unconscious within minutes of being awake. I feel bad…

Teruko: I should find something to treat him with. Maybe there’s a medical room around here.

Teruko: After a little bit of searching, I stumbled upon what looked to be an infirmary.

Teruko: Let’s see. There’s bandages, gauze, various medicines–perhaps some ibuprofen?

Xander: Yeah, that would sound pretty nice.

Teruko: Alright, I see–

Teruko: Wha–AH!

Xander: Oh, sorry, did I scare you? I didn’t mean to sneak up on you like that, really!

Teruko: Y-you! Were you just pretending to be unconscious??

Xander: Err, no. You did actually knock me unconscious. Well, I’m fine now.

Teruko: Oh. And, your eye…

Xander: Like I said, I’m fine now. Don’t worry about it.

Teruko: Are you sure? You were bleeding; that doesn’t seem like an injury to brush off.

Xander: Like I said!! Totally fine! I’m a tough guy, I can handle it.

Teruko: I’m still really sorry, uhm… uh, what’s your name?

Xander: Oh! Ack, how rude of me! I forgot to introduce myself. I’m making a terrible first impression.

Xander: Alriiight! The name’s Alexander Matthews. But you can just call me Xander, it’s much cooler sounding. I’m the Ultimate Rebel, nice to meet you!

Ultimate Rebel - Xander Matthews

Teruko: Ultimate?

Xander: You must have heard of Hope’s Peak Academy, right? An exclusive school that only accepts students, known as Ultimates, who possess extraordinary talents.

Xander: It just so happens that I’ve been accepted there! Pretty incredible, huh?

Teruko: Ah,you’re a freshman of Hope’s Peak? I am too. We might be classmates.

Teruko: I should introduce myself as well. I am Teruko Tawaki, the Ultimate Lucky Student.

Ultimate Lucky Student - Teruko Tawaki

Xander: So you’re the Lucky Student, huh, Ms. Teruko? You’re the one who’s got accepted by the lottery.

Teruko: Oh, right. That’s correct.

Teruko: Unlike the rest of the students of Hope’s Peak, my talent of luck is a little unconventional, so I hope you won’t find it too strange.

Xander: Strange? Why would I find it strange?

Xander: Everyone who’s got accepted into Hope’s Peak is given an incredible opportunity to build their own skills and talents so that they can later shape the world!

Xander: Even if you were selected by lottery, not scouted like normal students, you still have got just as much potential as every other Ultimate to develop into an even more amazing person!

Xander: As you know, everyone who graduates from Hope’s Peak goes on to become incredibly influential and important. That’s why being an Ultimate, no matter what kind, is a huge deal!

Teruko: I’m well aware of that. It’s just that… for me, it’s more than just lacking a talent.

Teruko: I’m cursed, you see.

Xander: …Cursed?

Teruko: Cursed with horrible luck.

Teruko: No matter what I do, I always become victim to misfortunes and accidents. I often fall or break things, or worse, injure myself. So do those around me.

Teruko: No doubt, your recent injury is probably as a result of the influence of this curse.

Xander: I see, that makes a bit of sense. It must be difficult living like that, I’m sorry to hear that.

Xander: And yet, despite that, you’ve still been selected to be the Ultimate Lucky Student. Maybe it was some twist of fate.

Xander: Even misfortune can be overcome or adapted, so I would take the fact that you’re here at this academy as a good sign! So, don’t give up hope!

Teruko: Ahaha… Aren’t you full of energy.

Teruko: By the way, just what kind of talent is “Rebel?”

Xander: Oh, are we discussing my talent now?

Xander: To be frank, I’m actually sort of pissed at the Academy for having given me this title. Calling me a “rebel” just makes me seem like some sort of unruly, lawless kid, which I am *definitely* not!

Xander: It's almost an insult to all the hard work I’ve put in throughout my life!

Teruko: Hard work put into what?

Xander: Revolution.

Xander: Simply put, I’m the sort of person who feels very strongly about everything. So whenever I see something that feels wrong to me, something unjust, I’ll do whatever I can to fix it.

Xander: For example, exposing corruption. I’ve got quite a number of corrupt government officials jailed. Society is messed up, and it’s up to me to change it.

Xander: Of course, in order to make any sort of impactful change in this world, you need to break the existing rules. That’s what got me the title of Ultimate Rebel, I suppose.

Teruko: Wow, I’m not quite sure what to think of all that.

Teruko: Or even if I can believe the things you just said.

Xander: Hey! You better not be accusing me of lying!

Teruko: But at the very least you seem to be very passionate and energetic.

Teruko: Moving on… Do you know anything about this place? I seem to have woken up here without knowing how I came here. And I was supposed to be going to the entrance ceremony of Hope’s Peak.

Xander: I was just about to ask you the same thing!

Xander: Have we both got kidnapped, or something?! If that’s the case, I’ll be pretty pissed at whoever’s responsible.

Xander: Err, sorry for getting worked up again.

Xander: But yeah, it looks like we’re in the same situation. Woke up in a mysterious room without knowing how we got here.

Teruko: What a perplexing situation…

Xander: No use just standing here. I’ve got an idea. We should look around, see if there’s an explanation somewhere. At the very least we can examine our surroundings for clues.

Teruko: Right. We may find something new.

Teruko: These large doors are conspicuous. We should check inside.

Xander: Fine by me!

Teruko: Xander kicks the door open forcefully.

Teruko: You could have just…

Teruko: Used… the… han..dle…

Teruko: Eh?

Teruko: We found ourselves in a large room full of chairs and a large, ominous screen at the back. But more importantly…

Xander: There’s other people here?!

Teruko: 14 other people stood in front of Xander and me.

David: Ah, have more people arrived?

Ace: Maybe they’re our fucking kidnappers! We should ask ‘em a few questions!

Arei: Are you two freshmen of Hope’s Peak Academy as well?

Xander: We are. Is this our class?

Whit: Whoa, new people. You guys got any idea what’s going on?

Charles: Don’t be ridiculous. I sincerely doubt that these two can bring any new information to the table on our situation.

Teruko: So, it seems our whole class is here.

Xander: Just what is going on? Have the rest of you blacked out when you were entering the Academy?

Levi: Yes, that happened to the rest of us as well. Our situation is awfully strange.

Veronika: Maybe the Academy is trying to surprise us! Wouldn’t that be fun?

Hu: If you two are in fact our classmates, why don’t you introduce yourselves?

Hu: I know this situation isn’t ideal, but at the very least we should be acquainted with each other before we try and figure out what’s going on.

Teruko: Ehm, introduce myself? In front of all of you?

Teruko: Wouldn’t it be better if I just talked to you individually?

Eden: That’s okay, then introduce yourselves to us one by one.

Charles: Excellent, another 10 minutes of time wasting. Why don’t you two take your time blabbering about insignificant things, it’s not like we’re in a potentially life-threatening situation.

Teruko: …Yeesh.

Xander: Hey!

Xander: Let’s talk to everyone together. That way we’ll both be way less nervous if we’ve got a friend by our side.

Teruko: …

Teruko: Thank you, Xander.

[ralvezfanatic]

Not-so-secret Valentines

Spencer Reid x Luke Alvez

Spencer gets a secret valentines gift and can't exactly figure out who it's from. Luke helps him figure it out.

Prompt: "if you’re still wondering who left those flowers at your desk, i think i’m ready to put your mind at ease.” || Taken from @scealaiscoite prompt list | Changed a bit but was inspired by the prompt.

Also available on AO3

A/N: I keep seeing these prompt lists and decided to finally use one, ofc with Ralvez because I love them so much. Also.. this was supposed to be a short blurb id how its almost 3k 😭

Word Count: 2.7k

Spencer got into work early like usual, with only Emily and Garcia, except this time he walked in alone. Luke was running late. Supposedly, his alarm didn't go off and he didn't wake up on time, so he was behind schedule.

Although Spencer didn't completely believe it, he also didn't think Luke would lie to him. There wasn't any reason to lie, they were honest and open to each other.

It just felt hard to believe Luke would sleep in late when he wakes up early to go on a run before work, but mistakes happen Spencer told himself.

“Boy Wonder!!! Hellooo! Do you like the decorations? I put them in myself, came in extra early to set it up!” Garcia greeted him happily, walking up to him.

Spencer looked around the office quickly and nodded, it was decorated with hearts, streamers and all Valentine decorations Garcia could find. It looked nice, but just reminded Spencer how single he was.

“Yeah, it looks nice Garcia. Really nice.” He nodded again, pressing his lips together to form his slightly awkward smile.

“Where's Newbie?” She asked when she noticed the lack of the other agent. They've been arriving at work together for a while now, and they're always hanging out together, so seeing them alone feels odd to the team sometimes.

“He was running late and told me to go because he didn't want me to be late either.” He looked to the side as he spoke, checking out the desk which all seemed to have something on them.

Garcia looked at him for a moment, and it was obvious that she was thinking of something but decided to leave it be. “Alright then. It's a bit rude that he'd make you come alone on Valentine's Day but whatever.. he'll be hearing from me.” She said, muttering the last part as she left.

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows, confused by her comment. He didn't see why'd it be a big deal. They were friends, Luke had no obligation to be with him On Valentine's Day. He has spent almost every single Valentine's Day alone, so what did it matter.

He didn't mind, not at all. It was just a silly holiday for business to make money off.. at least that's what Spencer told himself every year. In reality, he wished he had someone to spend it with. Just once at least.

Actually, he wants to spend it with Luke.. but that's just because they're good friends. Since Luke joined, they both have been wanting to spend time with each other.

So it makes sense that he wants to spend Valentine's Day with Luke. Friends could do that right? Of course they can, people do it all the time.

Maybe not to the extent Spencer wants to..

He wants to cuddle with Luke, be held and kissed by him.

But that's not going to happen, so Spencer just heads to his desk. He's met with a small heart shaped box with a hand written note from Garcia.

“Happy Valentine's Day Boy Wonder! - Garcia :)”

Spencer smiles at the note and puts it down before opening it to find a bunch of his favorite sweet treats. He makes a mental note to go out to buy her chocolates as a thank you, then carefully puts the note to the side and the box on top of it so it doesn't accidentally fly away.

He then starts to work on some files, trying to make the day pass so he can go home and eat some takeout. Alone. On his couch. Doing nothing. Being single. Again, for what he feels is the hundredth time.

Luke finally arrives to work, being the last to get in. He walks down the desks, passing Spencer and stopping to greet him.

“Morning Spence. Sorry about this morning, I have no idea what happened with my alarm.” He apologized as he stood by Spencer's desk.

“Oh yeah no problem, things happen. It's fine.” Spencer assured him, smiling up at him.

“I'll be sure to fix my phone though, don't worry” Luke added on.

He was about to say something else when he noticed the heart shaped box on Spencer's desk, his usual grin faltering slightly.

He wondered who gave him a gift. He didn't think it could be from the team. So was it someone from another unit? Did Spencer know them? Did he like them too? Did he have a partner he wasn't aware of?

Luke tried to calm down and looked away from the box and back at Spencer, who didn't seem to catch Luke's over-thinking.

“Uh, I'll talk to you later. I should probably get to work now.” Luke smiled before heading to his desk.

The rest of the work day was as normal. They fortunately didn't get called to a case, so everyone (who had plans) were happy.

Luke had a gift he really wanted to give, but he didn't have a moment to do so. Spencer never got up for long, his coffee cup had been refilled by some kind coworker, and for some reason, Spencer hadn't finished it yet.

Luke was annoyed, wishing the team wasn't so kind and let Spencer get up to get coffee himself. (He says this but he has refilled and even bought coffee on multiple occasions).

After what seems like forever, Spencer finally got up. Luke subtly watched him walk down the office and head to the bathroom. He practically jumped up as soon as Spencer entered the bathroom and took his bag.

He grabbed a small box from Spencer's favorite donut place, and another box of chocolates and a card, quickly heading over to place them on Spencer's desk.

They looked so much better than that small heart shaped box, he thought to himself.

He didn't really care who saw him, he was sure the team knew about his crush on the doctor.

He smiled, wondering how Spencer would react to the random gifts. He wondered if he'd figured it out it was from him. He hoped Spencer liked it, even if he didn't figure out it was from him.

Luke headed to his desk, sitting down right on time as Spencer exited the bathroom.

Luke pretended to work, typing at his computer and looking at a case file trying to seem distracted.

Spencer approached his desk and his eyebrows furrowed as he noticed the gifts. He looked around the bullpen, searching for who did this, or someone who seemed like they knew something. He looked over at Luke, but he seemed busy in his work, just like everyone was.

He sat down cautiously and checked the items on his desk.

He first took the card, the front being a small cup of coffee with the words “Words cannot espresso how much I like you.” He let out a quiet laugh, finding the joke amusing. He opened it to read “Happy Valentine's” with a small hand written addition and a heart.

As he read the note, his eyebrows furrowed again and he looked up to scan the bullpen once more.

Luke had been watching Spencer since he sat down, waiting for his reaction. He smiled when he saw him laugh as he read the card, glad that he liked his choice, even as cheesy as it was.

He watched him look around the office again, and he quickly looked back at his case file, hoping Spencer didn't notice him. He wanted to keep it a little secret for a while, just to mess with the genius.

He looked up again and saw Spencer move onto checking the donuts, and he felt his heart melt as Spencer's face lit up. Luke had bought his favorite donuts in heart shapes and wrote a small note on the inside of the box. “I donut know how to tell you that I love you.” with a nervous donut doodle on it. Or maybe sad? Scared? It wasn't a very good doodle..

Spencer felt his cheeks go hot and he closed the box quickly, (after taking out a donut).

He decided to check the chocolates at his house, not being able to handle any more cheesy comments.

All day Spencer kept wondering who gave him the gifts. He asked around, but got no answers, and as much as a genius he was, he was dumb too

He had a small idea who it could be, but he didn't want to get his hopes up. Spencer tried to think of everyone he knew and would get him all these items. He made a list and removed people one by one, until only Luke was left. Then he'd remake that list, thinking he was just being delusional.

Finally, around noon, he gave up. Even though he kept asking his friends about it, they would give him no response. Not even Garcia knew, and he was sure she would have helped more.

The bullpen was mostly empty, everyone seemed to have decided to go out for lunch, leaving only Spencer and Luke at their desk, Emily and Garcia in their offices.

Spencer looked at the boxes on his desk, trying to figure out this mysterious Valentines. How could he solve crimes and find serial killers, but he couldn't find the person who liked him?

Well, he had figured it out ages ago, but he just didn't think it was possible.

Spencer let out a sigh and stood up, going over to the coffee machine to refill his empty mug. He poured in some coffee, then added about half the container of sugar and stirred it.

“So.. still trying to figure out the mystery of the treats?” Luke asked as he approached Spencer with his own empty mug.

“Um.. yeah. I can't think of anyone who would get me all this, and write these little notes. I mean I barely talk to anyone! Like not to seem sad but you guys are my only friends. Other than the nice barista at that coffee shop and the people at the bookstore near my house, I don't have many non-work friends.” Spencer frowned, taking a sip of his coffee to taste it.

Needed more sugar.

Luke felt a bit saddened by Spencer's response, but kept his face the same. He grabbed the pot and poured himself some coffee, adding a normal amount of sugar unlike the tall genius.

“Could it have been the same person who gave you that other box?” He suggested with a small shrug

“The heart shaped one? No, definitely not! Garcia would have given it to me directly, and she wouldn't have denied giving it to me anyway.” Spencer shook his head, oblivious to his friends' jealousy.

Oh.

Luke felt a bit stupid now.

He should have known Garcia would give Spencer a Valentine's gift. They were best friends, why wouldn't she?

He took a quick glance at the other desks, seeing similar boxes on their desks.

She got them for everyone except him.

Ouch?

Luke turned back to Spencer who was adding in more sugar to his coffee.

“Well, I could tell you who it was.” Luke said, taking a sip of his coffee.

Spencer looked at him, his eyebrows raised slightly as he stopped stirring. “You could?”

“I could.” Luke nodded as he set his mug down.

“How would you know? Nobody else knew anything, why would you know?”

“Because it was me.” Luke replied, looking up at him, waiting for a reaction.

Spencer stared at him for a second, unable to believe what he just heard. His face was flushed and he couldn't come up with a response.

“What? You? You like me? Since when? Why?” Spencer spat out, flustered at the small confession.

Luke let out a small chuckle and nodded, finding Spencer's reaction adorable.

“Yes, me. I gave you all that, cheesy puns and all..” Luke sheepishly smiled as he remembered the notes he wrote.

“But why?”

“Because I love you. Since the day we met, I've liked you. I mean, I thought you were drop dead gorgeous the first time I saw you, but after getting to know you more? Hearing you talk so passionately about things, your intelligence, your kindness, everything about you. I fell in love.. and I fall deeper everyday I’m with you.” Luke confessed, his voice genuine and soft as he looked into Spencer's eyes.

Spencer was a complete flustered mess, his brain was useless. He couldn't come up with a response, his face only flushing a brighter red.

“Was that too much? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drop all that on you at once.” Luke apologized, noticing Spencer's silence, feeling bad for his sudden confession.

“No! No it's okay. A bit much to take in but.. give me a second.” Spencer shook his head, trying to clear his mind, and assured Luke that he was alright.

“I love you too.. You've always let me ramble on about useless information, and you even ask me about it. You look genuinely interested in what I have to say too. And you're just so kind to me. You don't think I'm weird, even when I clearly am. And you're really hot too.. Like you're hot and super nice to me! Like honestly, how could I not like you?”

Now it was Luke's turn to blush. He felt his heart melt at Spencer's own confession, but chuckled at the last part. He looked down and shook his head before looking back up at Spencer with a grin.

“You think I'm hot?” Luke asked, a smirk on his face, stepping closer to him.

“Yeah, a bit.” Spencer smiled, leaning towards Luke slightly.

“You're not that bad either.” Luke whispered, leaning in and holding Spencer’s cheek.

He looked into his eyes, silently asking for permission before going further. Spencer nodded softly, his eyes shining with love for the other man.

Luke leaned in and pressed a kiss against Spencer, who quickly melted into the kiss.

Garcia, who decided to go question Luke about this morning and see if he deserved the small box of treats she got him or not, was found with the cutest sight at the coffee machine.

She let out a squeal and dropped the box from excitement, which scared the agents and made them pull away immediately.

“Oh my gosh!! You finally confessed to him? Here I was, going to question you about this morning, but this makes up for it even better! Oh I dropped your box, but honestly that is on you guys because how could you kiss in the office and not expect me to squeal when I see?” Garcia rambled on, bending down to grab the box and rushing over to the new couple.

“Garcia-” Spencer started, but was quickly interrupted by her continuing on.

“Oh newbie I was so mad at you for ditching our boy wonder here this morning! I took back my gift too, like how could you leave him alone on Valentine's? You didn't deserve my gift!” Garcia handed Luke the slightly dented box of candy as she spoke.

Luke looked at her and then the box, and listened to her. “Thank you..” He nodded before looking at Spencer and back at her.

“I had to leave him because I wanted to get something for him as a surprise.” Luke said, feeling a need to explain himself after Garcia's rambling.

“And I think it was worth it.. I hope?” He laughed as he looked at Spencer for his approval.

“Oh yeah definitely. I didn't mind taking the train after getting those donuts.” Spencer joked, knowing that's not exactly what Luke had meant.

“See, it was worth it to Spencer, and that's what matters.” Luke smiled, going along with him.

“Ohh, you guys are so cute already.. the rest of the team is gonna hate that they missed this! Oh I should text them” Garcia smiled excitedly as she got her phone out.

Luke laughed at her eagerness, while Spencer just seemed a bit lost now, but neither did any attempt to stop her as she walked off, texting the team.

“Happy Valentine's Day cariño..” Luke smiled softly, turning to Spencer.

“Happy Valentine's Day.” He replied, leaning in to press another quick kiss to his date (and soon to be boyfriend).

[crippling-pages]

Watched the two new Lego Friends episodes on YouTube today and...

EMOTIONS OUCH

anyways spoilers undercut as i cry and rant

For the Fright Night ep, honestly im glad that we got an episode with no Ley-La drama. It felt nice to have a break and just see the group have fun XD

also LIANN AND NOVAAAAAA HJMMMMM

"We're her friends!"

"*GASP* SHE SENT ME HEARTS~"

guys. guysguysguysguysGUYS they're lesbians <3

The ending was hilarious with Autumn XDD She's so cool omg and Olly actually fainting was smth i found myself finding funny lol

And for Olly's Quest for Fame... i feel like one things clear;

He definitely has some childhood trauma going on.

Him being sensitive about the hate comments, causing him to believe what they're saying about him, and doing what they say and getting and causing him to be more obsessed with everything.

I think he might've been bullied as a kid. I said this before but in this world if your a guy who's passion is clothing and fashion or something un-man like, you get called things (cough looking at you insta comments cough). I also feel like he might've not had as much money growing up; like his family was lower middle class at best, so that might be why Olly was so... controlling? Obsessive? About money and fame.

For his craving for fame, money, being recognized; him being bullied (troll comments), money (not having a lot growing up, his parents having trouble with money), and him wanting to be seen. He wants people to know what he's doing, that's he's doing something important something that people love and admire him for. Something I doubt he got as a child.

And for the way he's treating Paisley... it's obvious that he doesn't mean too. He never, ever, EVER will hurt Paisley on purpose, and we all know that. He's just blinded by the thought of finally being seen to realize that Paisley doesnt want to do any of it...

Another thing I was to talk about what he said; "My outfits are my identity!" That's not just something you just say, without any meaning. Designing outfits is his passion, one of the things he's loved all his life, and something thats always been there for him. And if what I said about his childhood is true, he's probably feeling very provoked and insecure about himself now, and he feels like he needs to be better.

Not saying this excuses how he's treating Paisley; Heck, I love love Paisley but she herself has to try and speak up to Olly but she's afraid she's going to lose him. And Olly thinks he's helping Paisley do what she loves, but he's gotten caught up in it with himself and now he can't see what's right in front of him.

On a different note; ZAC. This dude has come a long way from the first episode. He's literally AMAZING. His character development>>>>>>>>>>>> He's being such a good friend to Paisley, and they're friendship is so pure and kind <3 (but it better stay platonic, lego. gimme some friendship that stay friendships!!)

Also Aliya and Liann now know who Ley-La is!! I dunno if this is good or bad-

Olly's talk with Zac and then Aliya, I feel like this proves that he has something internal monsters to deal with but instead is projecting them onto the whole Ley-La thing.

But thats it. I NEEEEEEED Olly to apologize to Paisley and for him to see his mistakes; it better be REALLY good Lego, and it better be one of the BEST character arcs of all time.

thank you for listening to my ted talk.

[molsno]

hello ^-^

soo i saw one of your posts about transmisogyny which i thought was really well written and articulated, so i wanted to get your opinion on something.

i’ve seen some tme trans(masc) people on here say that treating trans men like “gender traitors” or “siding with The Enemy” is bioessentialist and terf rhetoric, however i see this brought up almost exclusively in response to conversations about tme and/or male privilege. to me it seems like they feel invalidated or vilified by trans women and discussions about transmisogyny, and so they reposition the issue as one which targets and oppresses them so that they can avoid having to confront any privilege they may possess. i also think the way they phrase it purposely obfuscates what they’re really getting at, which is that men are oppressed for being masculine and held up as the ultimate evil (patently untrue). but i don’t really know as much about it as you might and it’s also not my place to decide what is or isn’t transmisogyny as a tme, so i wanted to hear your thoughts.

no pressure to respond and i hope you have a nice day <3

thanks for the well wishes. I'm trying to hold it together today and I figure I may as well answer this to distract myself

anyway yeah, those are some pretty astute observations. to be honest, I have to agree that the "gender traitor" narrative is bioessentialist, which is why it very much is terf rhetoric. in order for trans men to be "gender traitors" or "siding with the enemy", you would have to suppose that they are fundamentally women, and that they chose to be trans in order to escape from misogyny and gain access to male privilege. the basis of this hypothetical relies on the premise that they are female due to some permanent unchangeable characteristic, which is exactly what bioessentialism posits. plus, this narrative relies on the willful depiction of transness as nothing more than a lifestyle choice, which is blatantly transphobic due to the fact that for many trans people, transness manifests independently of any external factors.

(you will find a lot of debate about what makes people trans, and there is a lot of disagreement even among trans people, but I'm not going to get into that right now. just assume that my point is that there is no universal narrative that explains why people are trans and it varies from person to person.)

that being said, I feel it's also important to point out that there's no shortage of transmascs who are terfs or were former terfs. the reason for this is pretty obvious when you think about it for a few seconds: terfs regularly talk about how womanhood is an innately traumatic and miserable experience, and closeted transmascs for whom womanhood IS a traumatic and miserable experience sometimes gravitate toward that community because it makes them feel understood. terfs very much operate like a cult in this way, and you could easily assert that transmascs who become terfs are victims of cult brainwashing. however, my sympathy for them ends the moment I remember that they willingly joined a hate group whose purpose is the extermination of people like me.

and make no mistake! many of these men are still just as transmisogynistic as they were before! even the ones who leave the terf community (which is not all of them) only do so because they often find that they're no longer welcome when they choose to transition, not out of any desire to atone for the violence they've perpetrated against trans women.

so, what are these trans men to do after they've been exiled from the community that validated their existence and gave them a political drive? how can they reconcile the fact that their decision to choose masculinity and manhood has resulted in them feeling ostracized, ridiculed, and isolated? it's simple really: redefine their politics around the premise that men are actually hated in society. this is an easy conclusion for them to come to when they've been living inside an echo chamber where everyone they know DOES hate men.

the problem with that, though, is that in the eyes of a radical feminist, a "man" is a biological category of person, and any critiques you can make about men's behavior can be attributed to a biological cause. terfs don't ACTUALLY hate men, they hate "biological males" - trans women.

and that's very true of these transmasculine "former" terfs as well. they still hold the same bioessentialist views, so they feel vilified whenever they come into contact with the "biological males" they've come to despise so much. most of them don't actually understand any other types of feminism besides radical feminism, so when they encounter trans women reminding them that they have male privilege, they fall back on their bioessentialist beliefs. they're not an evil "biological male", after all, they're a "biological female" who's "ontologically incapable of violence", and a feminist is criticizing them for "siding with the enemy" by "choosing masculinity".

you need to understand that when they do this, it is largely a form of deflection. they resent the radical feminists who discarded them for being trans, and are attempting to distance themselves from the people who hurt them. that's why they're so vehemently anti-feminist. and because they haven't unpacked any of their bioessentialist beliefs, they're able to paint trans women, who deep down they still view as privileged and dangerous biological males, as aggressive and oppressive radical feminists. ultimately, despite whatever conception they have of themselves, they're expressing a form of male entitlement by shutting the conversation down and making everything that terfs do about them, ignoring the fact that the vast, VAST majority of the violence they enact is targeted specifically at trans women. and why wouldn't they? they don't actually care about trans women. they still hate us just as much as they always have, even if they now pay us lip service and (sometimes) use the right pronouns for us.

let me make myself clear: not all transmascs do this. not even a majority! all in all, this kind of story represents a pretty small minority of trans men, but they're very vocal and very visible in the trans community. that's not to say that most transmascs don't hold transmisogynistic views (it's basically impossible to have absolutely none if you're tme), but few of them are this hateful. this story is just one that I've seen played out many times - mostly involuntarily - because I've gotten a lot of these types of guys arguing with me on here and painting me as a radfem for talking about basic feminist tenets such as "men are an oppressor class".

also, as a disclaimer since I don't have time to get into everything: terfs are not a monolith and some terfs welcome trans men into their ranks (though these are an even smaller number of them), this was just one scenario that I hope painted a clear picture of the cause behind this phenomenon you've observed.

I hope this was helpful. if you need more examples, keep an eye on the notes of this post; they'll come crawling in here to argue with me in no time.

[onyxisnotuniqueenough]

i'm getting really tired of this constant dunking on angela for everything she does.

i feel like smosh constantly insults her smarts and her voice i hope she doesn't mind. i love angela and i feel like i would crumble in her place, with everyone constantly making fun of my every move and infantilizing me all the time. i really hope smosh doesn't make fun of her as much off-camera, that they check jokes with her beforehand, etc

i also wish fandom would treat her like the smart and talented and beautiful ADULT she is and not caricature her as this immature, loud, dumb person. she is not a "smol bean", nor is she "a rabid goblin" or whatever the fuck nicknames i've seen around on tiktok/tumblr

for smosh,

i know she explained that she feels like the young sibling/sister at smosh and feels like she's part of a family, and that roasting/teasing makes her feel seen and noticed, but i have older siblings. i know teasing is fun. but if it's constantly all the time on every video on every shoot day??? i bet it can get through to her!! just like it eventually gets through to me when my siblings tease me too much!! i genuinely hope that she feels comfortable with all this, bc i often worry about her

like she is the most roasted cast-member on smosh

she is made fun of for her voice, her smarts, her skills at specific games or activities, her appearance, etc. the only other people that i've seen being roasted are ian, shayne and spencer and it's not a quarter as bad.

ian is teased because of the anthony thing and OCCASIONALLY his old style, shayne is teased about being SO funny, SO talented, SO nice, SO muscular, SO well-read, etc so i feel like everytime they roast him it's just egoboosting, and with spencer i feel like they toss around the occasional nerd/videogame/chosen joke but even that he fuels as well.

with angela it feels like every single smosh games bit is about her not being skilled enough at the game, not knowing the rules, forgetting she's even a certain role, etc. and it feels, especially in videos like the latest werewolf one, like everyone is just suddenly all eyes on her, on this mob-mentality-kick, of "ha ha look at classic little angela! she is so funny when she makes a mistake! she is so bad look at her! we are all so much better than her at this game, collectively!" as if they all had this private group joke going on and she wasn't a part of it. it takes me back to when i was with friends with whom i felt excluded and made fun of.

and every five minutes it's "angela looks like joe pesci" (a NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE MAN) or whoever the hell, "angela is too loud", "angela needs to be parented by chanse" (the "angela." chanse joke feels so...condescending), "angela is clueless", "angela is annoying", "angela has childish humor", etc.

maybe this is stupid, or i'm reaching/seeing things that aren't real, but i see a lot of myself in angela sometimes and i don't like that i also see the way i was teased by bullies in middle school. i really love her and i think she is so talented and pretty and so so smart with her humor and i am very annoyed atm after watching a video where the jokes were particularly angela-targeted.

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Francis Drake Main Story

This is a rough translation. I’ll edit this if I find the time. Expect mistakes.

Drake stopped me, and I followed his lead and got into the boat.

Drake: "On your right is a very nice tower."

Mitsuki: "Hehe, that's the Eiffel Tower."

Drake: "That's right, the Eiffel Tower."

Just as he said himself, he hadn't yet memorized all the sights in Paris, so his tour was a bit clumsy. However, I found it enjoyable how carefree he was.

Mitsuki: "What you see over there is the building of the Paris Expo. I went there before with everyone from the mansion."

Drake: "Yeah, they're having a huge festival-like event."

Mitsuki: "It was fun. Let's go together next time. Vincent's studio is also around there."

Mitsuki: "Okay, next. The theater over there often performs Shakespeare's plays. Wait, why does it seem like I'm the one giving the tour?"

Drake: "Haha! You're amazing. I'm learning a lot from you."

He stopped rowing the oar and narrowed his eyes.

Drake: "This city holds a lot of memories for you and the folks at the mansion, huh?"

Mitsuki: "Yup. I was able to get used to and enjoy the lifestyle of the 19th century, thanks to everyone."

Drake: "Do you like this world?"

Mitsuki: "Yes, I do."

When I first time-traveled here, I was bewildered by the differences in time and culture. But now, the people I've met have become dear to me, and this world has become a place I belong to. So much so that I was willing to live here.

(But…)

Drake: "Then why the gloomy face?"

Mitsuki: "Huh?"

I lifted my slightly lowered face and saw him staring intently at me.

Drake: "Don't you realize? You seem to enjoy talking about this city and the people in the mansion, but sometimes you look a little sad."

(I promise not to feel down, and yet...)

He saw through my expression that I didn't even notice myself. He leaned his elbow on his knee and looked up at me, resting his chin on his hand.

Drake: "If you're carrying something, you can let it out here. You've been around here for a while, so it might be hard to talk to everyone at the mansion about it."

Mitsuki: "........"

Prompted by his gaze, I opened my lips.

Mitsuki: "It's true that I love this world."

Mitsuki: "But the more I think that way, the more I feel guilty about it."

Drake: "Guilty?"

Mitsuki: "Because my loved ones are in my world."

Family and friends. I had left everything from my past behind as I stepped through that door.

I really gave it my all to stay positive, but those lingering attachments and regrets kept dragging me down, making it difficult for me to start over.

Mitsuki: "I felt like I was betraying my world by accepting that I couldn't go home."

(Despite being treated well by everyone, I keep looking back repeatedly.)

(I'm so half-hearted.)

I clumsily let all the worries that had accumulated in my chest out into words, and he listened without saying anything.

Mitsuki: "Sorry you have to hear me talk like this."

Drake: "It's fine."

Drake: "You're ridiculously kind."

Mitsuki: "What?"

Drake: "You're worried that you're betraying someone."

Drake: "I've seen plenty of people get angry and sad because they've been betrayed, but you're different."

He said it as if he were in front of something mysterious.

Mitsuki: "I don't want to betray anyone because it would destroy the precious bond we've built."

Drake: "Bonds, huh?"

Drake: "No matter how strong your bonds are, there's always a chance the other person might betray you."

He looked at me and spoke again.

Drake: "I understand that your world is important, but it sounds like it's become a burden for you."

Mitsuki: "It's not a burden at all."

Drake: "You sure? The only things that come out of your mouth are thoughts of betrayal, guilt, and a sense of wrongdoing."

Drake: "You haven't forgotten or discarded that world. You're continuing to carry it while making excuses about being unable to do anything to comfort yourself."

(.......)

The words he said hit me like a knife.

He straightened himself up, and the wind rustled his hair and the feathers on his hat.

Drake: "If it's really important, even if you're apart and even if you can't meet, those feelings won't change and will remain just as strong."

Drake: "You should be proud that you have many important and irreplaceable things."

Drake: "It's your life. No matter how you choose to live, it won't be a betrayal."

(It won't be a betrayal?)

His straightforward words flowed like water into my chest, making all the worries and hesitations disappear.

Drake took off his hat and gently placed it on my head.

Drake: "Well, unlike you, I've always had this burning desire to get back at my enemies."

He playfully patted my head through the hat and smiled.

Drake: "If you're always thinking about those people and sacrificing your desires, you'll miss out on life."

Drake: "Or are there people among those 'important ones' who would call your way of living a betrayal?"

Mitsuki: "No! I'm sure no one would say something like that."

Drake: "Haha! You said it confidently."

Drake: "In that case, you should choose the path you believe in."

Drake: "In my opinion, living in a way that goes against your own wishes is the real betrayal."

Mitsuki: "Drake..."

(Even if I choose my way of life, my feelings toward those important to me won't change. I won't betray them.)

I traced those words in my heart once more, and my heart felt lighter.

(As he says, rather than being trapped in regret and guilt...)

I should cherish what's important and stay true to my feelings.

I reflected on my feelings and placed my hand firmly on my chest.

Drake: "I just had an idea. Why don't we throw some bottled messages in the ocean next time?"

Mitsuki: "A message in a bottle? The one where you put a letter in a bottle and throw it into the ocean?"

The letter was then carried away by the waves, never knowing when or to whom it would be delivered.

Drake: "Yeah, that. If we use it, the letter won't get destroyed."

Drake: "The ocean goes on forever, after all."

Mitsuki: "That's true. Thank you, Drake."

The smile he gave me was kind of glowing.

I squinted my eyes without knowing if it was because of the reflection of the light on the river's surface or because of my own feelings.

(A message in a bottle, huh? That feels like a dream.)

I hoped that one day I could make it come true with him by my side.

(Talking to Drake made me feel lighter, as if something I had been holding in my chest was flowing away.)

"You're continuing to carry it while making excuses about being unable to do anything to comfort yourself."

What he said earlier really stung. But his typical words and aloof smile freed me from the cycle of emotions.

(It's all thanks to him.)

I tried to thank him again but found him staring at the river.

Drake: "But I think it's amazing that you can think about someone or the world you've lived in."

Drake: "I'll probably never understand that in my lifetime."

He spoke in a hushed, mumbling tone, and his eyes had a cold light in them, giving off a chilling sense of vulnerability.

(Drake?)

Drake: "Well, I’m sure you’ll be fine, so you don’t need to worry about it."

Drake: "Real betrayal is much more merciless."

He suddenly wore a dazzling smile, quite different from before, and casually uttered those words.

(Does that mean he has experienced that before?)

Drake: "Even so, you're quite mysterious."

Mitsuki: "Huh? Is there something strange about me? I think I'm pretty normal."

Drake: "That's what's strange about it. You time-traveled, lived with vampires, and got caught up in ridiculous destinies, but you're just an ordinary girl."

Drake: "You worry, you laugh—you're just a normal pretty lady."

Mitsuki: "........."

My heart skipped a beat at his gentle smile.

Drake: "Maybe that's the sort of person who's destined to make a difference."

Mitsuki: "Drake?"

He suddenly leaned forward, his smile vanishing.

Previous Part ╎ Masterlist ╎ Next Part

[g0ldgauntlet]

I do not feel sympathy for Michaela Laws.

This is sort of a vent post (and likely the only post I'll ever make about Yansim since anything else I could say has probably been said by several other people), so feel free to scroll past this if you're not interested.

If you are, then proceed below. (Tw for grooming)

A few days ago, Michaela Laws resigned from her role as Ayano Aishi from Yandere Simulator after learning that its developer had groomed a minor. I want to first make clear that I am glad that she left, and she did the right thing by leaving. However, all I could keep thinking was one thing: Why did it take her this long?

So many people already knew about how horrible Alex Mahan (aka Yandere Dev) was. Surely someone must have told her-

Oh wait.

I found out that multiple people did, in fact, tell her about his past actions. Her response was to defend him, and then she doubled down on defending him when she was informed of the more current actions that Alex had committed at the time.

If you don't believe that's her, the post is still up on Tumblr via this reblog and here. Michaela knew about all of this as far back as 2017.

I find it most interesting that in these screenshots and posts, she referred to everyone who despised Alex as "anti-dev masses," and she ignored the things he said and did because she is, in her words, "an intellectual who can separate fiction from reality."

She even claimed that the people telling her that he treats women differently (which he does) are "sexist," even when said people told her that he very well could have hurt other people even if he was nice to just her.

The cherry on top of this is her unironic usage of the term "SJW," which tells me everything that I need to know about this. And you know what? Her saying in her resignation tweet that she still hopes that the game gets completed makes perfect sense to me now despite how out of place it feels compared to everything else. If she believes in separating fiction from reality, then she likely believed that she could still separate content from the creator.

In Alex's case, I strongly disagree with that notion, but what feels more contradictory is this other statement in the tweet:

I did not join to be a defender or arbiter of anyone's actions outside of the project.

However...That is literally what Michaela did. As I said, she defended Alex because of the "rumors" being spread about him.

She doesn't get to cry on Twitter about things turning out like this when she willingly claimed that Alex was only getting so much bad attention because "people don't like him."

She was the one who said "don't believe everything you hear." It was her who downplayed Alex's actions as "mistakes" or "accidents," and she claimed that he is "just a guy trying to make a game and be a game developer."

She doesn't get to backtrack now and pretend that she didn't knowingly defend Alex and stick by him for six more years after the making of that Tumblr post.

It took her six years and another minor after sisefs getting hurt for her to acknowledge what most people who knew about Yandere Simulator already knew about this man - That he is a terrible human being.

To be clear, I am not putting any blame on Michaela for what happened to the victims. I do not believe that she could have known about the current victim, or even the past one at the time of when the information came to light. Also, I do appreciate her giving support to all of the victims involved and correcting her previous statement since some (myself included) thought that she was perpetuating victim-blaming. However, that is as much benefit of the doubt that I could possibly give her. As for everything else? I cannot do that, and here's why:

It is my belief that she was well aware of what she was doing, and she either didn't see anything wrong with what Alex did or just didn't care until she finally realized how badly this all reflects on her now that Alex has been shown up-front once again to be an awful person (I also believe that this is connected to the backtracking in her resignation tweet as well).

Basically, my frustration comes from how far things had to get before she finally decided to denounce Alex and his actions.

She made her choice. Given that she previously claimed that she does not care about trying to look better and said that she would delete attempts to "sway" her about Alex, it seems clear that this was also the hill that she was willing to die on. Well, look where that got her. I cannot, for the life of me, understand how she didn't expect that a terrible person with a rightfully terrible reputation would end up doing something even more terrible, and that she was willing to ignore everything up until now. I don't understand how she didn't think that this would also negatively affect the game by association of the developer, but at this point, whatever happens to the game doesn't matter nearly as much as what Alex has done and likely will continue to do since it's been proven time and time again that he will never change as a person.

So no, I don't feel sympathy for Michaela Laws. I don't feel bad about her saying that she stuck with this game for almost ten years despite sticking up for Alex and sticking by him for six of those years. She did this to herself, and Yandere Simulator is probably something that she will be connected to for a long time since she is well-known as the voice of the game's main character. She could have left sooner, but chose not to and made it clear that she didn't want to until the truth had to be shoved right in front of her face.

So for that, Michaela only has herself to blame.

Edit:

I would like to add this Twitter thread that proves the point I was making here.

Michaela, three years after the Tumblr post I linked, straight up admits that she doesn't care about what Alex does, and she accuses a victim of Cryaotic (another groomer) of lying.

Even if Michaela apologized for the latter bit, it just goes to show that she was more than willing to ignore what people told her about Alex and still stand by him and the game.

This whole thing is a recurring trend with her. Had Alex not been exposed again, she probably would still be defending him even now.

She isn't sorry about being a part of the project at all.

And if she isn't sorry, then I don't feel sorry for her either.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #235

It was awesome to return to my job at the bakery today! I did so many things! First, I put some rolls in bags and then I put labels on them! And then I cut up some brownies and put them in boxes, and then put labels on those boxes! I also put some Italian bread into paper bags, and put labels on those, too!

And, and, and!!! I put the freshly-baked apple cider donuts into little boxes and labeled those!! But!!! Oh!!! Sephiroth!!! There was one extra apple cider donut, apparently!!! And it was fresh out of the oven, and my supervisor, Mi, said that I could eat it!!! And so I did!!! And it was soft and sweet and warm and absolutely fucking delectable, and!!! Oh my goodness, I wish I could have shared it with you!!!

…I'm not entirely convinced that my supervisor doesn't make "extra" things on "accidentally-on-purpose", ahahaha~!

But. I had the donut, and I experienced for myself how wonderful it was, and it makes me really happy that I get to put them neatly into little boxes with nice labels so that people can take them home. It feels really good to know that I can be part of the reason someone gets to have a tasty snack and maybe smile about it!

It was so nice to see Mi today. And it was so nice to see Ma when he came in, too! I'm hoping that Ma will pop by our house next Wednesday to play some video games! We have a lot of similar interests!

Towards the end of my shift, I was taught how to use the scoops to measure out muffin batter to put into the muffin tins. We have little tins and big tins. And the big tins get big muffin wrappers to line the tin with, and the little tins get the little muffin wrappers. And there are two scoops; we use the little scoop for the little muffins, and we use the big scoop for the big muffins, and you use the side of the great big huge bowl of muffin batter (it takes two people to lift it up!!) to level off the scoop. It's very consistent.

As a dyspraxic person, it's going to take me a bunch of repetitions before I'll be able to do the required motions for filling the muffin tins with any kind of efficiency or precision, but Mi is aware of that, and he doesn't seem to mind at all. He even said I did a nice job making sure that the amount of muffin batter in each of the tins was nice and level, especially for my very first try, and I was really happy; for a moment, I thought I was gonna cry a little, but I managed to keep it together.

…It's a lot different than how my mother would have treated me. There wouldn't have been any praise for a job well done. There would have been only verbal abuse for me not yet being able to do it as quickly as she is able to, and more verbal abuse for needing guidance and not knowing how to do it innately, and then there's the part where I would have been told that I'm stupid and oblivious and lacking in common sense the whole time. And then there's the part when, if I make mistakes, I would have been told that I am careless, ungrateful, disrespectful, and defiant.

…Sephiroth… do you have any idea for how many years I believed these labels? Do you have any idea for how long I thought that I was a worthless, unlovable, and fundamentally bad person who deserved all the beatings and threats and verbal abuse I used to get? If you hadn't come along, if I hadn't seen you, I would have unalived a long time ago; I had a method in mind and everything. And I would have done it while wholeheartedly believing all the things that the people who raised me used to say about me. I believe different things about me now. On some days, I am even able to see what it is that the people who love me see in me.

As for how it was made possible for me to get to this point... do you have any idea how profound it was for me to see you for the first time? Have you any idea what it was like to see on the screen someone whose mannerisms and circumstances and way of being looked so much like mine?

…Sephiroth. Without even meaning to, you stumbled into the life of an unwanted, abused, and bullied little autistic girl, and you made her consider the possibility that maybe she wasn't fundamentally broken and unlovable after all - that maybe, just maybe, there were others in the world like her, and that she could find them if she tried. You gave that frail and terrified little girl a basis upon which she could begin to resist those awful messages that she was given about herself, day in and day out, by people who wished she was never born. You gave her something to hang onto so that she wouldn't suffocate within the hole that the people around her were trying to bury her in. You gave her an alternative to the harshness and cruelty that she had no choice but to get used at the time. You gave her a voice to follow back to the light. You gave her a chance to live.

Sephiroth… I'm not that frail and terrified little girl anymore. I've grown into someone who is strong, brave, caring, kind, and full of joy. I've grown into someone who is smart, capable, and who would do anything at all to help someone, if it's within my power to do. And I'm not stuck in a place where the people near me wish I would disappear and never come back anymore. I do deal with the aftermath of all those things still, and of course I still have bad mental health days in which old memories haunt me, and I feel temporarily hopeless and cynical at times, but… Sephiroth. I held on through all that stuff. I held on, and now my life is full of love, abundance, safety, and joy. I held on because you gave me a reason to - because your existence challenged me to keep my eyes fixed on the hope of a kinder, gentler, softer tomorrow, shining brightly on the distant horizon. And you know what? The courage, tenacity, and determination that I learned from you enabled me to rise to that challenge beautifully. Do you see…?

If you wonder why I write to you every day, if you wonder why I fight so hard to see a better ending for you, if you wonder why I love you so much… don't. Just look at the results; you didn't even have to do anything other than exist, and you made something beautiful out of a very ugly situation. You turned around a human life in a way that conventional wisdom says is impossible. And yet: here I fucking stand, and I'm not even done with becoming yet!

The person I am now, who is still learning, growing, and finding new ways to love the people I'm surrounded by - this person who exists in stark contrast to the frightened, meek, angry, and bitter thing that I used to be - exists because of you. And I wish, with every fiber of my being, that you also get to have the results of the life that you breathed into me, back when I thought I couldn't continue. I want you, too, to be able to see a kinder, gentler, softer, and brighter tomorrow. You, too, deserve a life that is full of love, abundance, safety, and joy.

So please. Please keep trying. Please don't give up. Please keep rising up from the hole that Shinra and Hojo and Jenova and whoever else tried to bury you in. My hand and my voice are outstretched to you, always. All you have to do is keep on until tomorrow. And you just keep doing that over and over again, every day, one step at a time, until the scenery changes and you become strong enough to make better and better choices.

I'll always be right here, because I love you. Please do stay safe out there, okay? I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[catgirl-catboy]

Mikan Tsumiki has Histrionic Personality Disorder

I bet you thought I was joking about typing up a whole analysis on this. Let me preface this by saying I'm not histrionic myself, so please let me know if I make any mistakes when discussing this.

This is less of a headcanon, and more of a theory due to the large amount of evidence, that being said, if you dislike or disagree with it, that's a-okay!

A nice long analysis under the cut.

To those unfamiliar with HPD, Wikipedia defines it as "a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive attention-seeking behaviors, usually beginning in early adulthood" which certainly fits what we see of Mikan in canon.

Here's a screenshot for evidence:

That being said, we should point out that Mikan's behaviours in high stress situations like a killing game isn't equivalent to how she'd behave normally. That being said, lets get into the actual diagnostic criteria for HPD!

I think we can right away check off E, since deliberately falling in suggestive positions is one of Mikan's main character quirks. I could post the CG of her doing this as evidence, but lets not.

I also feel like D is another easy criteria to mark off, since most of Mikan's relationships are characterized by her desire for approval and appreciation. This is most notable with her abusive relationship with Junko, but we also see some shades of this during her FTEs with Hajime, implying it isn't specific to this bad relationship.

Mikan needs somebody in her life that forgives her existence, and every action, both positive and negative, she takes. But that isn't all the evidence that I have that Mikan is continuously seeking appreciation and approval from others, since its a large part of her talent.

A lot of ways Mikan gets positive attention from others is through nursing them back to health, and its one of the few areas in her life she feels confident in. That being said, in one of her FTEs she says some... questionable things about her patents.

And here it is again in Danganronpa S, showing it wasn't just her phrasing things oddly.

Her working as a nurse isn't completely altruistic, since she feeds off the attention and power she has over her patients.

I think that checks off "continual seeking for excitement, appreciation by others, and activities in which the patient is the centre of attention" really solidly. I have less evidence for the rest of the diagnostic criteria, but I believe they fit anyway. I feel like she fits "self-dramatization, theatricality, exaggerated expression of emotions;"

but its a bit harder to say for sure due to a lot of Danganronpa characters doing the same thing, so its unclear how normal Mikan's reactions are in her own universe.

Mikan has one of the more extreme breakdowns of the series, but she was not entirely in her right mind at the time, so idk if I should count it. She also has a very extreme shot to the heart event compared to other characters, where Hajime must propose to her to get the best ending.

Here are some quotes where she has a very exaggerated emotional expression, for your consideration. ""Ah! I-I'm sorry for laughing so suddenly! I-It's just...I can't help it. I'm just so happy, I can't remember the last time I made any friends... Ah, not that you actually want to be friends with me! I'm soooo sorry I said something so...presumptuous! I'll do anything you say... Just...please don't hate me...!"" ""Ah, so in the end...you're all just a bunch of bullies, huh? Justifying your actions with fancy words... M-Making excuses for why it's not really your fault... E-Everyone always treats me like that... Always... "It's all her fault..." "Sh-She's the one with the problem..." I...I'm done with that! You hear me!? I'm doooooooooone! It's not fair...It's not fair not fair not fair notfair notfair notfair notfairnotfairnotfairnotfairnotfair... Why won't you forgive me!? If you did something wrong...you'd forgive yourself right away...! What did I do!? Why won't anybody forgive me!?""

I also think there's a solid argument for her meeting the "over-concern with physical attractiveness." criteria! It is the main way she gets attention, after all. A lot of her comments have to do with her body, and a lot of the presents she likes are things she can wear.

So long as you belive one of the 'maybe' criteria, then she has enough for a proper HPD diagnosis.

[circular-bircular]

Sup! I’m not a part of the whole be nice to persecutors squad, but I do rehabilitate persecutors sometimes as an ex-persecutor myself and I would like to hear your thoughts on my opinions (genuinely I am open to change. Ik I'm harsh). This is going to be a long one and I’m sorry if I sound dismissive of other feelings it’s more of a how it all feels to me.

This is all persecutor discussion that may be upsetting. Please read with caution or delete from your inbox as you see fit.

So yes of course persecutors should not be treated like monsters they are a part of a system. They are people (or whatever word refers best to one’s conscious collective) and they deserve love and respect like anyone else. So are the people they hurt though. I feel that’s really forgotten in this positivity around the guy that hurts people.

So in my villain era I just chose to be an asshole. I was pissed at the system and wanted to make their lives hell. Letting me front was a mistake I was purposefully off putting around our friends (no they didn’t bloody deserve it I knew what I was doing. I also wasn’t mean I was off putting, to be clear). I wasn’t a confused protector. I wasn’t protecting us. I made the conscious decision and effort to hurt or disturb anything I came into contact with because I was mad. Not all persecutors are like this but my annoyance is at the whole persecutor positivity that includes people like me.

I didn’t change because the system was nice to me. I wouldn’t have changed because someone got me an ice cream or sympathised with me (and they tried) I changed because I happened to be fronting one night and someone was vulnerable in front of us. I’d been nothing but an asshole up until them but I was trusted because in that moment I wanted to change and trusting that I would try I was allowed to. I masked and helped the guy.

That’s not advice btw that’s just, what happened. No one being nice to me or trying to get me to change made me change it was having room for the decision to change that changed me. Getting mad at me for being an ass, making me say sorry for being an ass and treating me like someone who was an ass didn’t stop me from recovery. I whole heartedly believe that you don’t owe all persecutors kindness.

I was reforming a dipshit and I’ve been nothing but kind to her and she was still a dipshit. She understood she was being a dipshit but was fulfilling a role she thought had to be fulfilled and while I slowly undid that the person she was “tasked” with being a dipshit toward was allowed to be angry and upset and hurl insults back. You should be allowed to feel like you’re protecting yourself.

And finally my most controversial statement. System jail is fine. Locking up parts of your system for being assholes isn’t good for them but when you can no longer take the constant abuse or you have too many other problems that’s fine. I don’t understand the weird obsession with being nice to the bully. In my experience that wont stop em and sometimes there is no space to give them room to change all you can do is protect yourself until there is space.

I’m not a persecutor hater. I’m just an internet guy that says the online advice f being nice ignores the people that get hurt. It’s a nuanced and individual situation. Internet advice does not fix that. I am nice when there’s room to be nice and I believe that prosecutors will heal but the shit they fucking did should not be overlooked.

& If any recovering persecutors are reading this. I see you. You’re on a difficult path. You deserve love and respect and to live life.

This wasn't one of the eaten asks, but I've honestly been trying to work out how to respond to this for a long time. I'm gonna try and break this down for myself. And by that I mean, here's Debbie with the weather.

So yes of course persecutors should not be treated like monsters they are a part of a system. They are people (or whatever word refers best to one’s conscious collective) and they deserve love and respect like anyone else. So are the people they hurt though. I feel that’s really forgotten in this positivity around the guy that hurts people.

Absolutely, anon. The people we've hurt need to be rewarded for the shit they've survived from us. I was a complete and absolute bitch, and I apologize for how much of a bitch I was -- but not for the reasons why I was a bitch. I'm not going to apologize for my trauma. For any persecutors reading this, nobody here is asking you to apologize for who you are. We're just saying, acknowledging that you hurt someone is a good place to start.

So in my villain era I just chose to be an asshole. I was pissed at the system and wanted to make their lives hell. Letting me front was a mistake I was purposefully off putting around our friends (no they didn’t bloody deserve it I knew what I was doing. I also wasn’t mean I was off putting, to be clear). I wasn’t a confused protector. I wasn’t protecting us. I made the conscious decision and effort to hurt or disturb anything I came into contact with because I was mad. Not all persecutors are like this but my annoyance is at the whole persecutor positivity that includes people like me.

Anon, take this whatever way you want, but that to me sounds like protecting your system. I purposefully made myself unpleasant to be around. I fucked with my friends and purposefully pissed them off, not "to protect us UwU" but because they were fucking stupid to be friends with these idiots. The other fuckers in my head were weak, pathetic, and pointless. I pretended to be other parts, just to pull the rug out from under my friends, because god was it easy to, and it was absolutely hilarious to see their reactions. I tortured my other parts innerworld, because god was it fun to make them realize just how pathetic they were, just how much better I was than them. My goal was to get the other parts to kill themselves (what I understood as dormancy after some time) and let me just take charge, because I wanted to live.

And yeah. That's me protecting my system.

Because the more I bashed us, the more I said, "let me take over because I'm better than you," the more I pushed away all my friends... It was the more I "kept us safe" from getting hurt from the outside. Rice won't be hurt if she doesn't exist. Rice won't break down from trauma memories if fill her brain with trauma memories 24/7. Rice won't lose her friends and break down if she has no friends to begin with.

I didn't do that on purpose, of course. I didn't look to help these assholes. I wanted them GONE. But now that I'm reformed, now that I can look back at what a mess I actually was, instead of the perfect being I thought I was, I can understand that all of that was my misguided way of protecting us. Even if I didn't understand that at the time.

I made that conscious decision to hurt, and it was influenced by the unconscious decision to protect.

Now, maybe you really were just a pissy lil bitch who wanted to hurt people, whatever, I really couldn't care less about you. But at the end of the day, alters in DID systems split for a reason -- to cope with trauma and make it bearable to survive through. So regardless of what edgy pre-teen bullshit you're spouting, if you're an alter, you're a form of protector in some way. At least in my eyes.

I didn’t change because the system was nice to me. I wouldn’t have changed because someone got me an ice cream or sympathised with me (and they tried) I changed because I happened to be fronting one night and someone was vulnerable in front of us. I’d been nothing but an asshole up until them but I was trusted because in that moment I wanted to change and trusting that I would try I was allowed to. I masked and helped the guy.

Cool! Glad you worked your shit out. I started getting better because someone was really fucking mean to me. I mean, I had food poisoning, was running out of the room to vomit, and my friend still sat me down for like a 2 hour or so lecture about how I was a fucking awful person and she wouldn't stop lecturing me until I shaped the fuck up and understood why she thought I was bad. That fucking BROKE me.

Being nice to your persecutor is one way. Torturing them after fucking cafeteria mozzarella stick induced food poisoning is another. To each their own, y'know? (Side note, I know you don't follow me here bby but I love you, thank you for slapping the shit out of past me with your words and anger <3)

That’s not advice btw that’s just, what happened. No one being nice to me or trying to get me to change made me change it was having room for the decision to change that changed me. Getting mad at me for being an ass, making me say sorry for being an ass and treating me like someone who was an ass didn’t stop me from recovery. I whole heartedly believe that you don’t owe all persecutors kindness.

I wholeheartedly believe nobody is owed kindness. Kindness is a choice I make -- one that can easily be decided against if it is no longer beneficial to be kind. I owe no loyalty to kindness. I choose to be kind, because why the fuck wouldn't I be, you fucking idiot?

I was reforming a dipshit and I’ve been nothing but kind to her and she was still a dipshit. She understood she was being a dipshit but was fulfilling a role she thought had to be fulfilled and while I slowly undid that the person she was “tasked” with being a dipshit toward was allowed to be angry and upset and hurl insults back. You should be allowed to feel like you’re protecting yourself.

Ok but that was a kind thing to do. Like. That's what I mean when I say to be kind to your persecutors. Letting them BE ANGRY IS A GOOD THING???? So confused why this isn't seen as being kind. You took the time out of your fucking schedule to help give that person a space to be upset and angry. That's kindness. That was a choice.

And finally my most controversial statement. System jail is fine. Locking up parts of your system for being assholes isn’t good for them but when you can no longer take the constant abuse or you have too many other problems that’s fine. I don’t understand the weird obsession with being nice to the bully. In my experience that wont stop em and sometimes there is no space to give them room to change all you can do is protect yourself until there is space.

God you're so fucking hilarious tbh.

Yeah, sure, whatever, system jail is fine, esp in cases like. Where you're still in an abusive situation. That's because you're allowed to make mistakes, and system jail is a mistake. It's perfectly valid and fine while also being really fucking awful and stupid.

The "weird obsession" with being nice to the bully isn't "it will stop them." It's "that's an entire ass part of yourself, stop fucking airing your self-hatred out in public for everyone to see, it's nauseating."

TL;DR: Being kind to your persecutors is a choice. Obviously, it's not one you HAVE to make, but it's highly suggested. The issue is, "kindness" looks different for everyone. For me, it was "kind" to have someone do the equivalent of a guttural scream for 2 hours. For others, it's fru-fru shit that makes them feel all warm and fuzzy. For you, it was just giving someone the time and space to be angry. Making mistakes is okay. Do what you want forever and who even gives a shit? And FFS, OBVIOUSLY, LET'S NOT IGNORE THE VICTIMS OF OUR ABUSE. (But yknow, let's not ignore the fact that persecutors are also victims of abuse and they get blamed for literally every fucking thing jfc).

[dlnj]

Here we go again…. 🤷‍♀️ I’m really trying so hard to fully accept myself as a girl. Well trans-gender girl but honestly I don’t see a difference , if anything we want to be our true female selves so bad we go thru a lot just to be the girl we all know we are inside. I know for sure that this is me, I am Miranda and there was a mistake made I think in the 3rd trimester ?? Can’t remember when exactly we as humans switch gender from female to male in the womb but anyone born male did in fact change from female . That should not have happened with me and I have always suspected I don’t have a normal testosterone count and have way more estrogen than most men do. It was always hard to grow a beard (which works out now that I accept I’m meant to be a girl, once I start HRT I’m guessing it won’t take much for that to stop , or so I hope anyway ) anyway either way I now know and accept that I am a girl and was always meant to be a girl from birth , I also know that that girl was always never supposed to be potty trained and out of diapers but that’s another story although you all should know that at some point I always accept who I am and live my truth , hence the back and forth in and out of diapers for years til about 9 years ago I decided to not be ashamed and go back into diapers which I did . I can no longer sleep well without a diaper and there are many days where I need them all day long which is fine with me I personally cannot wait til it is mandatory for me to always be diapered no matter who can tell . I was able to accept and act on that part of me which I still find weird but at the same time it feel very right and at this point is very normal for me, the point behind my diaper lover/diaper dependency life style (which I am not alone, check us out online ABDL searched almost anywhere and our large not so well know group of Adult Baby/diaper lovers will come up, we are normal people who just either love being treated like a baby or love being diapered , both or any number of things like that, anyway off topic hey sue me I am a talkative girl) (the point in my ABDL talk) is I was able to accept being strange and into diapers -even have a doctors order for them now kind of brace and accepting , if I can accept that than I think I will be able to accept to myself and become that girl I am inside full time and all the way, complete sex change , top to bottom , in phases , first the counselor , then HRT, then top surgery if I don’t grow my own nice breasts , then I will be able to live as and be a passable woman then while my wife and partner would rather me not do the bottom even though this is who I am and I’m kind of an all in type of girl and I do all the way want to be a girl I do love her and our sex is amazing so while I won’t rule out trading in my penis for a vagina I would hold off for a while to see if she can completely accept me as a woman , maybe one day she will come to me in her own and suggest I do the bottom, and if for what ever reason she leaves me my next phone call would be to the surgeon for my bottom surgery. I promise myself, I promise Miranda I will become her full time and let myself out , I’m so much happier as a girl, so much more comfortable. I will be that cute and sexy transgender woman in that short skirt showing off my cute diaper and tight shirt showing off my breasts and tummy. I can’t wait to be her. In all of my pictures I’m always wearing a diaper and sometimes when I’m feeling like a bad girl I’ll play pretend and handcuff myself every which way, in front like I’m being transported to a woman’s prison and/or behind my back like i was just arrested by some sexy guy/ or perfect lesbian girl ready to take me to jail and have their way with me. I’ll post another picture of me In handcuffs and tell you all the way I’d love to live. Kisses 😘