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froggibus · 2 years

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Caught Wet Handed - Cypher

Pairing: Cypher x f! reader

Genre: smut/NSFW

Word Count: 2.8k

Summary: cypher catches you sexting someone else, and his jealousy tips him over the edge

CW: porn with plot, dom! cypher, sub! reader, sexting, cypher being a creep, touch starved! reader, voyeurism, degradation, sir kink, praise, choking, spanking, biting, brat! reader, use of slut/good girl/sweetheart/baby, oral (m! receiving), face fucking, facial, slight overstim, unprotected sex, creampie, finger sucking, fingering, slight dumbification(??)

i think i covered everything but if i missed something lmk!

dear god what have i done...this is quite literally the filthiest thing ive written in a long time lmfao. also im new to the val fandom so pls tell me if i got anything wrong! also thank you to my bsf @l0serloki for helping me w some of the details i didn't know! enjoy <3

————

After a long mission, all you needed was to cum.

You’d been pent up all day. Brimstone had sent you and Cypher on a mission, and something about the Moroccan man was driving you crazy. The two of you had barely interacted and touched even less—maybe a tap on the shoulder to gain your attention—but that’s all it took to have him living in your head rent free.

As soon as you enter the base, you’re already tugging off all of your armor. It’s late, most of the agents have already retreated to their rooms, but you don’t bother to be quiet. You make it to your room with half of your gear already off, tossing it into a pile in the corner and making quick work of the rest of your clothes.

As soon as you’re completely undressed, you’re throwing yourself into your bed and grabbing your phone off of your nightstand. As much as you wish you could be fucking Cypher, you know the man is much too withdrawn for that. So, you go to the next best thing: the old Tinder date you still have added on Snapchat.

You send him a selfie of your jaw and bare collarbones, captioned only with a question mark. He answers within seconds, sending a picture of his bare abs with his gray sweatpants just barely in the frame.

You take that as a yes, and move the camera lower to the tops of your tits. He sends back a picture of him grabbing the bulge in his pants and that’s all you need to get started. You trail your hand down between your legs, rubbing your wet clit. You send him a picture of you touching yourself, receiving a video of him starting to stroke himself in return.

You pull your wet fingers out of your cunt and send him a video of you licking them clean. You put your phone down for a minute to focus on working yourself open, using your other hand to pinch and twist your nipples. You can’t help but picture they were Cypher’s hands instead, though.

Cypher leans back in his desk chair, doing his nightly routine that consists of checking the internet for anything on the other agents. He’s done that pretty quickly, though, and his mind is sent wandering to the mission earlier. You looked so pretty, and the way you shrunk when he tapped your shoulder? The images that flooded his mind afterwards were enough to keep him satisfied for weeks.

He hovers his hand over the mouse, tempted to check on you. Cypher had tapped the phones of all of the agents, with the excuse that it was to track it in case something ever happened. And that was true, for the most part.

Except when it came to you. He couldn’t help but check on you every once and a while. It was never anything too far—just doxxing the anonymous man who dm’d you a dick pic without your permission, or smiling at the cute conversations you have with your friends.

His impulses get the best of him and he finds himself clicking on the software that lets him see your screen. He expects it to be black, you fast asleep just down the hall from him. He’s gravely mistaken when the application loads and you’re on Snapchat, completely naked and posing for the camera.

His cock twitches in his pants at the sight and he stares for a few seconds before he remembers he should look away. He does, but only for a second until his eyes drift back to your naked form on their own.

It’s only then that he realizes you’re sexting someone. He scoffs when the man sends you back a video. Cypher is much bigger, and he just knows he can fuck you better than the man you have saved as ‘Tinder Douchebag’ in your phone.

Jealousy bubbles up inside him when you send him back a video of you fingering yourself furiously with the caption: I want you to fuck me so bad! Cypher doesn’t even know what he’s doing until he’s stomping down the hallway, headed for your room.

You freeze in your tracks and drop your phone when Cypher bursts through your door. You’re so shocked by the sight of the masked man that you don’t even cover up. He’s only wearing track pants and a t-shirt with his mask now and you wonder if he was about to go to bed.

Finally, you come to your senses and manage to tug your comforter over your naked body. “Cypher? What are you doing?”

Your face heats up. How much did he see? What was he even doing here? Sweat beads roll down your temples and you try to keep a straight face.

“What are you doing, y/n?”

“I-I was about to go to bed.”

He shuts the door and locks it behind him. “Don’t lie, y/n. I know you were sexting that Tinder guy on Snapchat.”

“How did you—did you tap my phone?”

He approaches you, only inches away now. You can see the bulge in his pants, and despite the awkwardness of the situation, your cunt gushes onto your sheets.

He grasps your chin tightly. “Did I turn you on during our mission earlier? Were you thinking of me fucking you while you sent naughty pictures to another man?”

You say nothing, but Cypher knows that he hit the mark based on the look on your face. He can’t help but smirk, only getting more and more turned on.

“What a slut,” he laughs cruelly. “Too shy to ask for a real man so you turn to that idiot?”

The lightbulb in your head turns on at his words, and it's your turn to smile. “You jealous, Cyph?”

He snaps, hand moving from your jaw down to your throat. He squeezes gently, not enough to even restrict your airflow, but just enough to make you wary. You look up at him through wide eyes and wonder if you should be as turned on by him choking you as you are.

He moves down to whisper in your ear, “do you want me to fuck you or not, y/n?”

You nod eagerly.

“That’s what I thought,” he releases his grasp on your neck. “Then shut up and be a good girl, okay?”

“Yes, Cypher.”

He shakes his head. “That’s sir to you.”

“Yes sir.” This pleases him, and he rewards you by ripping the blanket off of your body. The blood rushes to his cock at the sight of you—nipples hard and sensitive, thighs trembling and coated in your slick.

He dips his fingers in between your legs. They come back glistening, only egging him on. He pushes the bottom of his mask up so that he can taste your juices, licking his fingers clean.

You sit perfectly still, in awe of the man in front of you. This is the most you’ve ever seen of him and you want to savor it all.

He moans, “you taste so good, baby.”

The sight of him sucking your arousal off of his fingers is enough to make you lightheaded, a fever settling over you. Cypher keeps part of his mask flipped up, leaning in to kiss you. His lips are soft against yours and he wastes no time in shoving his tongue into your mouth.

You grab onto his arms, trying to ground yourself despite the way your head is spinning right now. He pulls back, a trail of saliva connecting your mouth to his. He leans in again but connects his lips to your neck this time, biting you.

You whine at the pain which only pushes him further. He kisses down your neck, making his way to your collarbone. He bites you just above it and you can feel him smirk against your neck.

“You better not cover these up,” he mumbles, mouth moving farther down your body. “I want everyone to know what a slut you are for me.”

You can only moan at his words when he makes his way to your sensitive tits. Your nipples are already swollen from your earlier treatment, so when Cypher smacks his hand against your tits, the feeling overwhelms you.

“F-fuck, sir—I’m really sensitive right now!”

“Aw, do you want me to kiss it better?”

He doesn’t give you a chance to respond before his wet mouth is on your aching nipples, giving them each a wet kiss. You sigh in relief when the cool air hits the wet spots he left behind. The relief is sweet but brief.

Cypher grazes his teeth across your nipple. It stings, forcing a whimper from your lips. “You’re so pathetic,” he bites your nipple again.

“I-I—“ you whine, unable to form a full sentence.

“I-I-I,” he mocks you, slipping one of his hands between your legs.

He rolls your clit between his index finger and thumb, gathering your juices on his fingertips. He slips a finger inside of you, pumping it in and out of you a few times before adding a second. His fingers move expertly inside you—curling into your walls to press against your sweet spot.

You can feel yourself getting close, walls tightening on his fingers. You try to stay still but your thighs clench on his hand without you trying. Cypher just shakes his head at you and forces your legs open with his other hand.

“I’m gonna cum—”

Cypher slips a third finger in and speeds up. You squeeze your eyes shut and arch your back, forcing your cunt farther onto his fingers. He scissors them inside of you, spreading your gummy walls farther apart. It’s more than enough to send you over the edge.

You cum with a scream, walls spasming around his fingers. Your legs are shaking, chest heaving with every breath. Cypher could cum on the sight of you writhing below him alone.

He pulls his fingers out of your pussy and forces them past your lips. Your head feels fuzzy, but you still manage to pop them into your mouth and suck them clean. Your mouth is soft and warm, and Cypher wants nothing more than to replace his hand with his cock.

He rushes to undo his pants, tossing them to the side. His boxers are bulging, straining under the pressure of his hard cock. He pulls them down slowly, making eye contact with you the whole time.

His cock springs out of his boxers, coated in pre cum. The sight makes your mouth water around his fingers. Cypher tugs them from your mouth and wipes your spit onto your swollen nipples.

He grabs your hair and yanks your head so that you’re level with his throbbing length. “It’s not going to suck itself, sweetheart.”

You kneel forwards on the bed wrapping your hands around his cock. It’s long and smooth, the tip red and dripping with precum. You stick out your tongue and lick a bead off of his tip. You slowly lick up his shaft, making eye contact with him while you do so.

He throws his head back, moaning. He tugs on your hair and thrusts his hips forehead, the head of his cock pushing past your lips into your warm mouth. You open your mouth wider to take more of him in. He tastes salty but it's addicting—you want to suck every drop of his cum out of his balls.

You bob your head up and down, hollowing your cheeks to apply more pressure to his cock. You use one hand to squeeze whatever you can’t fit in your mouth and use the other to cup his balls.

He shivers from the sensitivity, his dominant side melting away for a brief second. “F-fuck,” he clutches the back of your head to force more of himself down your throat, “I always knew you’d be good at this.”

He tangles his hands in your hair and uses it as leverage to start fucking your face. You don’t fight back, instead, you move your hands to his thighs, squeezing them to take as much of him as possible. He pulls away for a second, letting you catch your breath, before slamming his cock back down your throat.

“Fucking slut, so desperate for my cum.”

You hum in agreement through his cock, the vibrations sending shockwaves of pleasure through him. That’s all it takes to send him over the edge.

He gives you no warning that he’s cumming, just shooting his salty seed into your mouth. He jerks himself off, pulling himself out and shooting some onto your lips and chin. The milky substance drips down your chin and coats the tops of your tits.

Cypher makes a mental note to check the camera in your room later to save this image.

He grabs your hips and tosses you onto your stomach, making you stick your ass up in the air. “Are you gonna be a good girl and let me fuck your sweet little pussy?”

“Y-yes sir!”

Cypher teases his throbbing cockhead, plunging it through your folds. Your pussy is gushing, making a mess of his cock and your sheets below it. He hits his tip against your clit. You try to move your hips against him, desperate for him to be inside of you.

Cypher doesn’t like this, though, and smacks your ass hard. “Have some patience, slut.”

Your butt stings from where he hit you, skin burning. You try not to move and let him continue teasing, rubbing his cock up and down your soaking pussy. He dips the head in every once and a while, making you think he’s going to fuck you, before going back up to your clit.

Finally, Cypher rams his cock into you. He feels much bigger when he’s inside of you, his cock reaching spots that your toys and fingers could never. You scream out but Cypher reaches around and covers your mouth with his hands.

He uses his hands as leverage to keep fucking into you, cock ramming inside of you and balls slapping your clit with every thrust. “You’re so wet,” he grunts, “your pussy takes me so well.”

You whimper into his hands, reaching one of your own to rub your clit. Cypher is unrelenting with his pace—forcing his cock harder and harder inside of you with every thrust. He smacks your ass again and smirks at the way it jiggles from the momentum.

“It’s like you were made for me, sweetheart.”

Your cunt gushes at that, telling Cypher exactly how you feel about his praise. He speeds up, both of you nearing your finish. You can feel his cock twitching against your tightening walls and now it's just a matter of who’s going to finish first.

He smacks your ass once more and you finally reach your peak. You collapse onto the bed, body too weak from your orgasm to keep yourself up any longer. Cypher thrusts once more, before cumming inside of you. You can feel his hot cum fill you up and drip out of your aching pussy, further ruining your sheets.

You’re panting, covered in sweat, cum and spit, face down on the mattress. Cypher has pulled out, letting himself collapse on the bed next to you.

He reaches out, wrapping an arm around your waist and flipping you onto your side so that you can breathe easier. “How are you feeling?” His tone is gentle now, the dominant edge completely gone.

“G-good,” your voice is raspy, throat still aching from his harsh fucking.

“Was I too rough?” You shake your head, eyes fluttering closed. You’re exhausted, your whole body sore. He reaches out and pets your cheek, brushing away the strands of hair that’s been matted to your face with sweat.

“Y/n,” he mumbles.

“Hm?”

“I-I like you a lot…and I don’t want you to have sex with anyone else.” That’s enough to make you open your eyes. “You—you do?”

He nods, cheeks slightly red. You’re in pure shock at how he can go from dominant to adorable so quickly.

“I want you to be my girlfriend.”

Your head spins but you manage to mumble out a yes.

Cypher just laughs at how sleepy you are, planting a quick kiss on your forehead. “We’ll talk about it more in the morning, okay?”

“Okay.” You nod, eyes fluttering shut again, “Cypher?’

“Yes?”

“Can I sleep in your bed? We kinda made a mess out of mine…”

“Of course,” he chuckles.

Cypher pulls on his pants and tugs his earlier t-shirt over your shivering figure. He lifts you into his strong arms, head laid against his bare chest, and he carries you to his bedroom.

masterlist

#cypher #cypher valorant #trog!cypher #cypher smut #valorant #valorant smut #cypher x reader #cypher x you #valorant x reader #valorant x you #valorant fic #cypher fic #smut #cypher x reader smut

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charliesinfern0 · 3 months

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doubling up since you said more questions was cool and i wanted to let you work w/ characters you felt more confident w/ [THOUGH DONT YOU WORRY ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF DETAIL! VERY FUN TO READ REGARDLESS!] ^^!!!! SO. asking for reito: 36 [aside from escaping the killing game id imagine ?!?!], 27, 24, and 12...!!!!! [additional q: WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU MAKE!! and which of ur ocs do you think would like that kind most...]

OC Asks

YAYY TY I LOVE REITO IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HER A LOT MORE LATELY!!!! ^^

12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?

She's really patient, only cracking under extreme pressure. When dealing with the more annoying personalities in the killing game trials (mainly byakuya and kokichi lol), she kind of plays along and tries to appeal to them, kind of assigning herself roles that will get more information out of them. When she does get actually mad, she gets really mad. A sort of facade falls, and she becomes frantic, yelling, trying to explain herself, she needs them to listen her, she needs them to understand her!!!!

24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?

Her philosophy is that nothing should be worth suffering for. Basically, if shit sucks, hit da bricks!!! That's why she wants to end the killing game so much, she thinks the idea of despair just because is stupid.

27. What kind of childhood did your character have?

It was… okay? In elementary school, parents “supported” her passion for acting, kind of, but then they kind of treated her like she was a brat. She saw other kids being praised for their performances, but when she gives her all, she either gets scolded for “trying to hog the spotlight” or just plain ignored. Her instructor thought she was amazing though, and so did the audiences she performed for. But her parents always downplayed it, saying that she shouldn’t let the praise go to her head and that she should be happy grateful for just being onstage. Her fellow actors also thought she was “trying too hard” and was a teacher’s pet, and thought she was weird in general. This continued on in middle school, where she would try to make friends, and people were nice enough, but always made excuses not to hang out with her and talked behind her back. Her parents stopped caring about what she did, so she spent most of her time practicing lines in the auditorium by herself after school. She was so happy when she was picked to go to Hope’s Peak, because it would be a fresh new start with new people to make friends with. She didn’t even tell her parents, she just left a note and moved out on her own.

36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

She always wants the truth, and will do whatever she can to get it out of people. She wants to know why things are the way they are, after years of being lied to her face about why people wouldn’t hang out with her and being treated unfairly by her parents. She has her way with words, and that’s usually enough to get people to spit it out, whether it be through compliments or confusing or riling people up so it slips out. Though most of the time she just acts trustworthy, because she does want to be close to people and be honest and open with others, but when she knows secrets are being kept, she needs to know what they are. She’s very straightforward and open about her methods when asked, and some see this as cruel and manipulative. And it probably is, but Reito sees it as a necessary thing, truth that is. She understands when lies are necessary though, she just needs to know the truths behind them. She just hates being lied to, especially when she knows she’s being lied to.

Bonus Answer!

I made a chocolate mug cake with caramel chips! ^_^ Out of all of my OCs I think Myce would like that kind of cake the most, though I think she would prefer cinnamon-y things and spice cakes, and if she had to have caramel she’d like it salted :)

And what the heck! let me tell you about my other OCs cake/dessert preferences :3 Reito likes anything sweet potato flavored, Ai likes carrot cake with soft vanilla frosting, Usagi likes vanilla or chocolate cake with vanilla frosting and strawberries, I imagine that Juniper doesn’t really like sweets but she enjoys an oreo or four from time to time, Ray only likes savory meaty things but does enjoy soft serve vanilla ice cream with salt flakes, and Courier just likes making desserts and just food in general for others when they can ^_^

and bonus bonus citrus answer!!! Page of course loves citrus flavored sweets and frosted lemonade, and Wyllin loves a black forest gateau cake :3

OKAY THATS IT FOR NOW TY AGAIN FOR THE QUESTIONS!!!! Hope u have a good night/day!! <333

#IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ANON 😭

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ranhaitanisgf · 11 months

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❝ mornings with ace trappola ‼ ❞

↪ otherwise read as: the various ways ace will make excuses to get close to you

[𖤐] hey twst nation .... how r we 2day !! my first work ever for twst! ive just been having too much ace brainrot okay, i needed to write this. i promise i'll get back on the tokyo revengers + nanbaka grind and finish all the reqs but JUST LET ME HAVE THIS OKAY. anyways. fellow ace luvers PLS ENJOY !! xoxoxo

masterlist

♡ i think out of all the twisted wonderland boys, ace is the one who is the most chaotic to wake up with in the morning. he's not very much of a morning person, but the consistent wake up call at heartslabyul has transformed him into a morning person, (quite against his will).

♡ before his antics though, obviously, the first thing he will do is admire your sleeping figure beside him, treasuring all the details of your face while you rest. he swears, it's not in a creepy way! he just gets a fuzzy feeling in his chest when he looks at you, and this is the only time he can unabashedly stare at you without judgement from anyone, (deuce already gets on his case for being so flirty with you, so he doesn't need anymore of that).

♡ however, once he's finished admiring you, he will immediately try to wake you up. he'll start off small, whispering your name in your ear, then slowly increasing his voice in volume. if that doesn't wake you up, he'll proceed to stick fingers into your ear, nostrils, and even your mouth. if that doesn't wake you up, then his last resort will be roll over onto you, his full weight never failing to wake you up lest you get crushed by him.

"a-ace, can't breathe..." "finally, you took so long!"

♡ (although he will never admit it, the reason he goes to such lengths to wake you up is because he misses hearing your voice and seeing your eyes; he also loves seeing the various expressions you make in response to whatever is going on around you at the moment. put shortly, he's impatient. he doesn't want to wait for you to wake up on your own).

♡ he will often sneak out of his dorm and make his way over to ramshackle, calling you in the middle of the night to come and open the door, greeting you with a mischievous grin, (despite your grumbling and sighing about him invading your dorm, you know that you'll let him in every single time).

♡ there are exceptions to ace's antics, however; even he knows that it would be cruel to wake you up early after you've had a rough day, and especially when you've been studying late or when you've had exams. he likes to tease you, but he's not heartless after all! on these mornings, he will brush his lips against your forehead, admiring you for a moment before heading downstairs, doing his damndest to keep quiet, (it is very hard with how creaky ramshackle is). he'll do his best to make breakfast; it won't be anything fancy, but the cute grin on his face as he hands you a plate will be more than enough.

♡ spending the morning with ace will never not feel domestic; the two of you will banter playfully as you eat, ace cutting off your words with kisses, (multiple times, and no, he will never ever get tired of it). grim will eventually wake up as well, joining the two of you in breakfast and making a disgusted face every time the two of you do anything remotely romantic.

"eugh, don't go kissin' my henchman so casually! hands offa them!" "oi, (y/n)'s mine, cat! go get your own!"

♡ when you're getting ready for the day, ace will scoff at the way you tie your tie, getting closer as he teases you for not being able to tie it right, (even if you tied it perfectly fine). he'll undo the knot, flipping your collar up and adjusting everything properly before he redoes the knot, claiming that it's a million times better than how you did it, (it's an excuse. an excuse for him to get closer to you without you making fun of him).

"there! now you look like an actual student!" "ace, it was fine before-" "nope! i perfected it! riddle making us practice those knots was actually worth doing!

♡ sometimes, he'll pull you in by your tie when he's done with it, his lips crashing into yours for a few moments, then abruptly pulling away with a proud smirk on his face. he'll walk away after that and pretend like nothing happened, telling you to hurry up or you two are going to be late for class.

♡ if the two of you have enough time, he might just let you attempt to do his heart makeup. however, he will absolutely insist that you have to sit on his lap, saying something about how you have to have a good angle to apply it, (it's complete bullshit; he just wants to to be close to him without actually saying it. you'll always let it slide, after a little bit of teasing).

♡ if you ask him, he'll also do his own makeup on you so that the two of you can match! (it makes him a bit more flustered than he will ever care to admit, especially when he sees the giddy grin on your face, simply because the two of you are matching). deuce will give the two of you so much shit for it later, but ace will just make fun of him for being single.

♡ of course, every time he spends the night at ramshackle, he is bound to get an earful from riddle. he tries not to make a habit of it, only coming around once a month in the beginning of your relationship. after a couple of months though, his visits will increase until he's coming by once a week, if not more (he's turned it into a habit despite telling himself he wouldn't). sure, he sees you during classes and after school, but there's something about being with you while you're sleeping that makes him sleep so much easier, (he knows that you're right there in his arms, safe and sound). if he's ever asked though, he will immediately say that he only does it because of deuce's snoring waking him up.

♡ he's just a big softie who loves you so much, (also a big tsundere though...)

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notnctu · 4 years

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through the lens ❀ l.jn

❀ lee jeno x fem!reader ❀ genre - slow burn, smut/mature content, fluff (romance?), slight angst ❀ details - photographer!jeno, model!reader, college!au, shy!jeno but he aint shy in bed, strangers to fuckers!au ❀ word count - 8k (this is the longest thing ive ever written) ❀ warnings - nude modeling, swearing, oral (f/receiving), some sweet love makin’ ❀ brief synopsis - jeno asks you to model for his internship project, but little did you know, it was going to be a nude photo shoot.

❝ jeno was too shy to hold eye contact, but he stared at you endlessly through the lens. ❞

❀ a/n - hihihi this is author doie❀ ! im bad at writing smut so pls dont hate me ah ha lol i tried my best i also dont model/do professional photography so really apologize if i butcher any terms lmaoo the only thing i am is that im in college and im shy

Jeno had applied to almost a hundred internships and almost close to none returned with an offer, even after a whole month of waiting. He absolutely needed to start building his portfolio before the beginning of his senior year of college. The embarrassment of possibly graduating without any experience loomed over the desperate boy.

Photography had been more than a hobby to him, to the point where he wanted to take it seriously. His parents weren’t the most supportive of an Arts major, but that couldn’t stop him. Jeno saw the best through a camera lens. He had a special eye for beautiful moments and the impressing urge to capture it forever.

It was too late to change his major, if he wanted to graduate with all of his friends. If he wanted to be successful, he had to act on it now.

The swoosh! of a new email startled the sleeping boy. He stared at the brightly lit screen, reading the words over and over again to make sure it was real. Jeno was so enthralled with excitement that he scrambled out of bed to wake up his roommate, Jaemin.

He shook him so violently that the sheets fell from Jaemin’s warm body. “Dude! I got an internship!” He spoke with incredible glee, a wide smile couldn’t leave his face.

Jaemin groaned and had to hold Jeno by the shoulders to halt the boy from causing the room to spin. “Why--What is going on?” He dazely rubbed his tired eyes to blink at his giddy roommate.

The screen blinded Jaemin as it was shoved too closely to adjust. “Whoa--,” he pushed it away and shut his eyes, “--repeat what you just said one more time.” Jaemin held a finger up and Jeno grabbed it, jumping onto his best friend’s bed.

“I got an internship. Someone got back to me.” Jaemin returned the same excitement the moment he processed his words. He shot up in bed and hugged his friend tightly.

“Wo-w, dude! Congratulations!” The two boys hurried on their feet to cheer together. There was no concern for the rest of their housemates, only celebration that roared throughout the entire night.

Truthfully, Jeno had no recollection of applying to this studio. It could have been a random link on a job scouting website, but he couldn’t be more grateful. An internship was long overdue and Jeno had been itching to get some recognition for his craft.

“Hello, I’m Lee Jeno.” He bowed slightly at the receptionist, who had a stern stare that made him feel vulnerable. The first thing he noted about the office: white and minimalistic.

Jeno’s specialty was landscape photography. His aesthetics consisted of black and white filters, city lights, dark mood lighting, and background commotion. He enjoyed capturing chaos the most, a scene where more than one thing was happening. The only reason being that there was more to look at.

“Nice to meet you. The name is Lee Taemin, but you can call me what you please.” A young, lean man strolled his way towards Jeno with a wide grin and his hand for him to shake. Taemin was slightly shorter than him, but his stylish, expensive boots made up for his height. He had to be only a maximum of five years older than Jeno as Taemin appeared relatively youthful.

Taemin’s firm grip pulled Jeno along inside the studio. A small gasp escaped from Jeno which earned robust laughter from the older man. “I hope you can break out of your shell soon. There is no room for timidness around here, Mister Lee.”

“Please, you can call me Jeno.” He smiled, quite awkwardly at the beautiful man.

The tall glass windows, the concrete, gray floor, the white doors that lined the hallway, had to be all too predictable. Jeno envisioned this is what high class must look like. It was the pristine, bright feeling and the smell of vanilla that lingered distastefully. There was chatter behind the closed doors --- mainly directing, and high praises.

The only off-put was that photographers worked behind closed doors. From the few studios he has visited previously, photographers often worked in open spaces due to lighting fractures or the ability to roam more freely.

“I’m actually very ecstatic you signed up for the internship, since you do seem a bit on the younger side.” Taemin gestured toward the sofa in the middle of his massive office. Jeno sat across from him. Water was already placed on the glass coffee table that separated the two. A laptop was opened to face Taemin.

Jeno slyly rubbed the condensation from his palms on his jeans. Taemin’s stare bore deep into the shy boy, who had to break eye contact from time to time. “I know.” Jeno chuckled nervously, “thank you for getting back to me. I was really hoping to gain work experience through mentorship.”

Taemin nodded at everything Jeno was saying. His face being completely expressionless. Jeno sipped his water to regain moisture in his dry throat. Taemin was more intimidating than he was anticipating. “Sounds great. Happy to have you here. It might be a small business, but the experience is worth investing in. Every photographer who has come in and out of my building has found their forte. Let’s say, it’s eye opening.”

“That’s exactly what I was looking for actually.” As scared as he was of this mysterious man, he really enjoyed the comfort the environment radiated.

Taemin leaned forward and squinted at the screen. “I noticed in the portfolio you sent that you don’t have any portraits or any people, in general, in your photos. Do you have any works with people? Since this is a studio of fine art nude photography.”

Nude. Jeno practically choked on the last remaining spit he gathered. Taemin acknowledged the boy’s shocked reaction and tilted his head curiously, “you did know that I specialize in contemporary fine art nude photography, right?” Unfortunately, Jeno did not.

Jeno cleared his throat, “yes, of course. I wanted to challenge myself.” He had to lie, there was no other way to cover up his disbelief. This internship was the only hope left for him to gain something. Though, even the thought of shooting a naked body made him anxious.

He hated how timid he was. His friends and family say otherwise, mainly for the reason that Jeno automatically lit up behind a camera. In all honesty, he hid behind it. It was the only safe place that Jeno knew what he was doing. However when it came to real life situations without it, he lacked the confidence to be himself.

As ironic as it was, he hated being seen. He liked to be the background character in his own life, because the main character took too much of a toll. It could also be his deafening insecurities and lack of self esteem, but Jeno didn’t mind not being the center of attention.

“You like a challenge?” It was more of a statement rather than a question. Jeno caught a glimpse of the twinkle in Taemin’s dark eyes. “Then for your first task, I want you to show me that you can take on this role.”

Jeno scrambled for his phone to jot down notes. “Send me an emotional portfolio, model of your choice. They could be a friend of yours that you feel comfortable seeing naked. It must include a variation of headshots, full body, and body details. It must also be raw and unedited photos. I want to see if you have the eye for the art to capture these types of images.”

“When would you like it by?” He stammered, completely winded at the sudden project that unloaded on top of him.

“Next Friday, and you’ll present it to me here in person. Feel free to use this studio if you don’t have a place of your own with equipment. All you need to do is book a room with the front desk. Any other questions?” The sound of the laptop shutting caused Jeno to look up at the brilliance in front of him. He needed Taemin to help him succeed.

“Why do you take nude photography?”

Taemin was unable to stop the laughter that erupted into the room. “I don’t run a pimp business or sell soft core porn, if that’s why you’re staring at me so funnily. What I make is an art masterpiece, it has nothing to do with physical features or desires. It’s the pure emotion that clothing distracts from. Clothing conforms the model into an aesthetic, and while that works for editorials, it won’t be a consistent thing here.”

Jeno nodded understandingly. Overwhelmed and lost at words. He was unsure what he had gotten himself into. Where was he going to find a model on such short notice on such lewd conditions? He was really going to need to step out of his comfortable zone, in his photography and social skills.

Taemin stood up and extended his hand once more. “I take pride in my art, so I hope you, too, start finding that in your own.”

Jaemin held his stomach from the endless laughter, tears welling up in his eyes. “Nud-Nude photography? And you didn’t know?”

“Jaemin, keep it down.” Jeno whispered and cautiously peered around at the few people flooding into the small lecture hall. “I don’t want everyone in our club to misunderstand and think I’m some creep.”

His best friend straightened up in his seat and placed his hand on Jeno's slumped shoulder, “first of all, you’re a complete idiot for not researching. Secondly, it’s an art form. If you really got yourself a shady, rated R internship, I would’ve told you to drop it instantly.”

His spirits were slightly lifted, but he was still struggling with who he should ask to model for him. As much as he’s already seen of Jaemin, being his roommate, he honestly would rather leave the rest to imagination. Jeno wasn’t purposefully searching the room for a candidate, but he could not stop his eyes from drifting.

He spotted the most attractive side profile that sat two rows below him. He shook his head to make sure he was seeing her correctly. Peering around, he looked for another possible face to shoot. But oh god, how she caught his eye every time she even slightly moved.

You smiled happily with your friends by your side as your club’s executive board members introduced this year’s goals and events to attend. It had to be the smallest amount of alcohol still running in your system that caused you to giggle every time guys tried to turn around and hit on you.

“Why don’t you focus on our club members instead?” You smirked at the smug older boy, who had poorly attempted to grab your attention. “I think this information is important to you. These events could help you develop your social skills to be much better.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, but your girl friends scoffed by your side.

He got up in disbelief and quickly walked out of the room. There was a brief pause at the sudden movement, but the announcement carried on per usual.

Jeno impatiently waited for the club meeting to finally be over, so he could talk to you. The longer it dragged, the more his confidence was subsiding. “I’m heading to study, wanna come with?” Jaemin poked at Jeno’s knee.

“Yeah, but you can go ahead first. I need to talk to someone.” His voice was shaky and his throat went so dry. Jeno’s shifty eyes scanned the room, hoping no one saw how nervous he was acting.

Jaemin’s eyebrows lifted suspiciously, “who? I didn’t even know you talked to anyone who came today. Donghyuck and Renjun aren’t here---”

“--her, Jaemin... her. I’m going to ask her to model for me.” Jeno motioned his head. His heart beating faster at seeing a small grin appear on your face from a comment someone made.

Jaemin hummed, “good luck with that, bud. I’ve got two shoulders for you to cry on after.” The extra hint of sarcasm only made Jeno sweat nervously. He was seriously doubting his decision, but it wouldn’t be a challenge if he didn’t do it. He knew he’d regret it more if he didn’t just ask you.

Once the meeting was dismissed, you wanted to get out of the room before the heavy rush into the hallways. Unfortunately, a few frat guys pulled you into their conversation and chatted up a storm. Your friends played into their foolery, but you stopped paying attention when they asked for your numbers.

There was a faint tap on your shoulder and you turned to see who the culprit was. You didn’t seem to know him, because you would’ve remembered such a demeanor. His eyes were glued to the floor behind you and his shaky hands ran through his brown locks. His shyness was quite endearing, yet alarming since you weren’t sure why exactly he had approached you.

“Yes?” You asked curiously.

The moment Jeno heard your delicate cadence, he melted like a popsicle left out in the sun. He peered up, but quickly reverted his eyes to the white tiles when he noticed how beautifully you stared at him.

He counted his breathing to calm his rapid heart beat. He cleared his throat to introduce himself, “I’m Jeno. I’m a third year Arts major, um-- I was just--- I know we don’t know each other. I wanted to ask, uh-” Jeno was horrified at how he stammered over his own words. His cheeks burned with a red glow, and if he couldn’t look you in the eye before, he definitely couldn’t now.

“Hey, see you later.” One of the bulky frat guys called and you waved back weakly.

A guy who had been chasing you endlessly scoffed at the pitiful sight and smirked at you, “see you at my house tonight? Been missing you in my bed lately.”

“Thought you would’ve guessed the reason why I stopped coming around.” Jeno heard the sting in your remarks and the disbelief in the male.

You honestly could have left, Jeno knew that. But you stayed and waited patiently for him to finish. Jeno could tell how strong you were just by your intimidating aura that practically suffocated him by standing in close proximity to you.

You sighed and reached to grab your jacket on the folded seat, “look, Jeno. It’s nice to meet you and all, but I gotta get going.”

Shockingly, the shy boy reached out to stop you by your fingertips. His touch lingered before he dropped your hand quickly. “I’m sorry. Are you free this Monday?”

“Uh, that depends. If you’re asking me on a date, then I’m busy.” Rolling your eyes, you weren’t sure why you still stayed to listen to what this random stranger had to say. If it were anyone else, you would’ve walked away the moment he asked if you were free. However, you acknowledged his timidness and the courage he must have mustered up to approach you.

Jeno shook his head violently, completely in shambles from that type of misunderstanding. “Not a date. I need someone to model for my portfolio photos that my internship assigned. It’s actually very important to me because it’s the first internship that responded back to me when I had applied to so many a whole month ago. Basically, I really need this and you because I think you’d be perfect to take pictures of. Oh-- wow! That sounded very bad --- uh --- what I meant is that your facial proportions are perfect and---”

“I’m free Monday.” You cut off his endless ramble and gestured toward his phone. He handed it to you without any hesitation and you typed in your number. “Text me the time, place and what I should wear.”

“Oh actually, it’s a nude photoshoot.” Your eyes doubled in size, completely offended by that statement.

Jeno felt the sudden shift in the air and brought his hands up to block himself, “to be more clear, it’s a contemporary fine art nude photography studio. The pictures are pieces of art and to be seen as that only. I have no intentions or ulterior motive to sleep with you, see you naked or sell, leak your nudes for the profit of your body. But, I understand if you no longer want to do it because it sounds super strange now that I am explaining it.”

Your shoulders relaxed and the fist that formed unraveled. You exhaled deeply, “I’ll do it. We can talk more about it on Monday and I get to leave on my own accord if I don’t feel comfortable. We work on my conditions.” Picking up Jeno’s chin, he was absolutely petrified at the forced eye contact and your incredible, powerful gaze. He was mesmerized by the fire in your eyes, and if he stared any longer, he could’ve lost himself in them.

“Of course.” With that, you dropped his face and left without another look back. Jeno looked down at his phone and the new contact name, (Y/N). It had slipped his mind to even ask what your name was and he slapped his face in utter stupidity. “Do better, Lee Jeno.” It was a remainder to himself to, hopefully, be better the next time you two speak.

Monday, 3:03 PM.

Jeno paced back and forth in the brightly, lit white room. He was trying to find any blinds or curtains to cover the tall windows of the high rise building. It should not be too much of a problem, the extra lighting was a positive. Jeno was only worried for your comfort of the openness.

There was a soft knock before Jeno practically tripped to open the door. His breath hitched at the sight of your bare face. This time, you were the vulnerable one. Jeno only saw purity, yet impressed at how your tired eyes still managed to bid him a soft smile. He admired your uneven complexion, and the sparse moles that dotted your skin.

“Okay, so you want to see me naked now or later?” Filled with jokes, your voice was light and airy this afternoon. There was a bit of a contrast from the first time you two met. Softer, enchanting, almost ghostly.

Everything in the room was white. The mattress on the floor had a white comforter and white sheets. The backdrop. The walls. The hardwood floor. The only color was the blue sky that the tall windows let in.

“Here’s a robe. You can change in the bathroom.” Jeno scratched the back of his neck and his eyes wandered everywhere, but your’s.

“Would you be okay with me just taking off my clothes in here?” You saw the light tint of pink cover his face, and spread to his ears. You examined more of the shy boy’s embarrassed face, finally getting a really good look at him. Jeno was very attractive, and you could only imagine how beautiful he must look if he fully faced you.

Jeno fiddled with his camera strap, “only if you are okay with that.” Clearing his throat, he stood next to the window to give you some privacy. “I’ll go over what I plan on doing. I’m going to take photos of your face details, parts of your body, full body, and portraits. You can lay down on the bed and I’ll direct you in poses. Have you modeled before?”

He was scanning the bustling city below his feet. Cars zoomed quickly and crowds of tiny people flooded the streets. He brought his camera up to his face, not being able to resist the urge to capture such a thrilling sight.

“If Instagram counts, then yeah. Professional model gig would be a no. Nude photography is a definite no, unless we are talking about being filmed during sex.” Jeno chuckled, while also holding the camera steady and stealing a few moments to keep for himself.

For a strange reason, being naked for a non-sensual reason felt even more vulnerable. Laying on the soft fabric, you felt oddly exposed and slightly more reserved. You’ve had countless strangers see you naked. Men were sexually desiring to see a sexy picture. You were always lusted after, but this feeling of nakedness was special.

“Are you ready?” Jeno gulped, finally setting the camera down.

You hummed cheerfully. Your heart was leaping out of your chest as the boy shifted slowly to face you. As he turned, you noticed he had his eyes sealed shut, which caused a small laugh to erupt. “Jeno, you have my permission to open your eyes and to look at me.”

Holy shit, he was trembling with an inexplicable fear. The camera was slipping from his sweaty hands. His mouth was as dry as the desert. Jeno’s pounding heart was loud in his ears.

Jeno has seen his past girlfriends laying naked in bed, but this situation was too different. When he saw you laying there in absolutely nothing, he was overwhelmed, yet astounded at how graceful you appeared.

There was no exchange of words and no exchange of eye contact. He towered over your lying figure and shakily brought the camera to his eyes. He selfishly wanted to capture your elegance. Through the lens, he saw all of you: the curve in your eyelid, your curled eyelashes, the small mole next to your soft lips, the sharp color of your eyes, the way your hair frames your face.

This was the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen. You were comparable to the arts found in popular museums. Your body lines were enticing and an impressive shape. Your breasts pooled on your chest, the round nude nipple in the centers. Your details had to be sculpted by gods, who took their sweet time making you. You were a true masterpiece.

Confused, Jeno felt a huge mixture of emotions. Was he aroused? Was he infatuated? Did he just fall in love with a complete stranger? He recognized the same thrilled feelings he felt taking landscape photos. With each click, he grew more excited with how beautiful the photos were turning out.

“Sit up and rest your chin on your left hand. Lean your weight on your right leg.” Jeno’s direction was clear and firm. There was no evidence of a smaller tone he usually spoke in. Sitting up, you placed your elbow on your upper thigh to steady your chin. Jeno had already gotten down to floor level to you.

Without the camera that separated you two, it had to be the first time he faced you completely in such close proximity. There was so much to admire about Jeno. He remained concentrated on his craft, but it was actually very sexy to see his dedication. It was almost like he was a whole new person, like all the shyness drifted away.

Jeno couldn’t take his eyes off of you. It wasn’t simply your beauty that amazed him. Your confidence made everything easy. There was something about your blank stares, when he asked for an emotion, you portrayed it perfectly.

“Can we talk while you shoot?” Your sudden voice startled the photographer. He lowered his camera and his gaze automatically wandered off behind you, which didn’t go unnoticed. He nodded after a short pause and the shutter noises continued.

“Why did you choose me as your model?”

Jeno peeled away from the device, “because you’re you.” He didn’t even know what that statement meant. It wasn’t like he knew you before the first time he asked you to model for him.

The corners of your lips dipped down, drawing an evident frown. Click. Jeno loved that image especially. It was a simple way to get real, authentic facial expressions. He marveled at the photo, but registered the reason behind it. “I wanted to ask you the second I saw you. I just knew that I wanted you.”

“But you don’t know me.”

Jeno looked through the lens once again, welcoming a full view of your stunning attributes. He spoke in a low voice, “then, let me know you.” Click.

It would be the biggest lie to say that you weren’t aroused by Jeno at the moment. He was cool, without trying to be. He really did shine when he had a camera to work with, like a star to a dark night. While he had a distinct demeanor off the bat, you enjoyed unraveling the rest of him. He was, also, the first man you met that didn’t seem sexually driven by a naked woman in his presence.

You had to resist every urge to push the camera away and share the few seconds of his entire gaze before it wandered away. You wanted to rock his world, he was so innocent and beautiful. You wished to wreak havoc on him, have him show you how much he wanted you.

You anticipated an awkward photoshoot, but Jeno made you feel safe and comfortable. He made sure to adjust the temperature when goosebumps rose on your arms and when your nipples became painfully hard. He never touched you or came too much into your personal space. He always asked for your permission.

Nude modeling was a new experience for you, but you were surprised at how much you liked it. or how much you liked Jeno taking your photos. He sat next to you on the bed when you put on your articles of clothing and panned through several shots to satisfy your curiosity.

Leaning close, your head ducked to see the photos. A gasp escaped your lips when you saw just the first few. “Is that really me?” The pictures made you feel an abundance of emotions, you felt what they reflected. Sadness, melancholy, happiness, confidence. You didn’t know images had that much power to make you feel that, especially photos of you.

Jeno nodded, smiling so wide that his eyes turned to moon crescents. He was so in love with the results. He found respect for Taemin’s craft and he was right, he might’ve found a new forte to experiment with. “I can send you the photos digitally too, if you want them.”

“Maybe I’ll print them out, frame them, and gift it to every horrid man who has tried to flirt their way to my body since they want to see it so fucking bad.”

Jeno peered over and saw the tiny glimpse of pain in your orbs, “why would you give horrible people what they want?”

“So they can finally shut up and leave me alone. Plus, this is art and if I tell them it’s actually me, maybe it’ll change their minds to start treating me like it.”

He held his palm up and almost immediately, your fingers filled the spaces between his. “I’m going to need you to start treating yourself as fine art.”

“Keep taking more photos of me and I just might start thinking I’m Mona Lisa.” Your laughters blended nicely into each other. There was mutual mental acknowledgement of the happiness you were both feeling.

Jeno never let go of your hand, and there was a short moment of comforting silence where you two sat in each other’s existence. You were the one to break it, “are you doing anything after this?”

He shook his head. “Well then, you’re mine for the rest of the night. We’re going to pretend we’ve been close friends since first year and eat take-out on my bed because that’s what I need at the moment.”

“I know you respect my body and see this as an art form, but I’m genuinely surprised that you didn’t feel aroused at the slightest.”

Jeno didn’t even realize how much time had already passed being you. You two ate and chatted as if you’ve known each other forever, as if the friendship wasn’t established several hours ago. It felt safe and right, like you two belonged in each other’s existence and nowhere else mattered.

He felt warm inside from your hearty laughter and courage, like he was watching a painting come to life or a photo in movement. You were smitten over how endearing and complex he was. He was more than what meets the eye and that alone drew you towards him.

“Okay, I’ll admit,” Jeno paused to watch your reaction, “in the most respectable way, I was somewhat turned on. But! Before you trail blaze me for being just like every disgusting male in your life, I genuinely didn’t have any sexual thoughts during the photoshoot. That was all professional and it will continue to be like that.”

Getting up from your bed, your mind was working at lightspeed to process his confession. Jeno was fast to pick up someone’s personality, what stood out and what was kept hidden. He knew quicker than anyone else that you were not someone to offend because you were a strong, straight forward woman.

His personality breakdown went like this: you knew what you like, you knew you were going to get what you want, you enjoyed flirty banter (with people of your choice), you weren’t afraid to be blunt, or kick someone’s ass. You carried yourself with confidence that graced your every step, which makes anyone attracted to you instantly. Bold, confident, sexy had to be what came to mind whenever he thought about you.

Nonetheless, he really liked you as a person. He could pat himself on the back all day long for just approaching you, but he knew the real reason as to how this all happened. It was you saying yes to a stranger’s odd photoshoot. You made him the luckiest man in the world.

“Continue? Are you looking for excuses to keep seeing me?” You smirked and Jeno’s voice grew small.

“I--- uh, well,” there goes the nervous stammering, “I know the conditions were a one time thing, so I understand if you don’t want to do it again.” As the night had progressed, Jeno gradually began to hold eye contact and actually looked at you directly without the help of seeing you through a lens. This was the first time he broke it.

“Hey now, I’m messing with you, Jeno.” He had been sitting on your floor, at the end of your bed. You crawled on your elbows to reach him, and to hold his chin to face you again. Deja vu. “I’d love to get naked for you again, and again, and.. as many times as you want me to.”

He stared at you with his mouth hung open in disbelief. His eyes scanned your beautiful face to see your lips pull back into a mischievous smile. Gulping, he swallowed every ounce of courage he had left. “You don’t have to say it like that.” He tried to remove your grip, but it latched onto his hand.

“You’re finally looking me in the eye, sweet thing. I don’t think you realize how much I had been wanting that from you.” You caressed his cheek, rubbing small circles on his texture.

“What else do you want from me?” His implication sounded suggestive, even if his curiosity was innocent.

Your hot breath brushed against Jeno’s lips. “I can show you.”

Jeno, the one and only college guy who has seen your naked body in a non-sexual context. Jeno, the shy, sweet boy who appreciated and recognized you as a form of art. Jeno, the talented and skillful photographer, who consistently made sure you felt comfortable. Jeno, the only person in the world who you’d model nude for. Jeno, the dazzling character behind the camera who you wanted more than anyone else you’ve ever met. Lee Jeno.

He seemed like he was inching closer, already tilting his head to fit your’s. You smiled to yourself, seeing that your words were received well. Diving in, your lips swam together fervently.

The poor boy found himself lost in your enchanting, alluring gaze. He let the trance consume him, selfishly kissing the art he admired so dearly. A small part of him felt the guilt and confusion that began to rise. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly wished to feel your lips on his neck, or run his hands across your hot skin. He swore these thoughts were not present earlier.

A small pop! and Jeno held your shoulder to pull away. “I’m sorry, did I do something?” You asked, honestly concerned that you were taking more than you deserved. The least you desired was to hurt Jeno, who had been nothing but nice and sweet.

“(Y/N),” you could listen to your name roll off his tongue all day, “I feel somewhat guilty. I don’t want things to be misunderstood.”

“Which would be?”

“I don’t want you to think I coerced you into being my model just because I had intentions to sleep with you.” Jeno was already gathering his things, but you hopped off your bed and placed a hand on his chest. “Because that’s what it’s starting to look like at the moment.”

“Was that something you did though? Did you have those intentions?” Your stare bore right through him. The warmth of your hand relaxed his racing heart.

“Never, (Y/N), I would never do that to someone.” Your hand traveled down to grab his belongings and tossed it back onto the ground.

He silently watched as you took off your pants, and stood in front of him in your underwear. “Then, we’re fine. I know your intentions have always been pure. But truthfully, Jeno, seeing you focused while you worked sparked something in me. You don’t understand how aroused I got and how badly I wanted you to fuck me on that bed.” His hand trailed up your exposed thighs, finally touching your softness. “You’re the one guy I wanted first, and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that.”

“I-- I don’t know what to say.” His cheeks revealed how embarrassed he was, but his dark, lustful eyes were telling a different story.

A smirk fell upon your face, “then don’t say anything.”

Jeno devoured you, inhaling the light hint of vanilla that still lingered. He hoisted you onto your mattress and kissed you like his life depended on it. His antsy hands roamed your free range, exploring, holding, gripping the parts he marveled over. Small moans from the back of your throat encouraged him to continue.

No one has ever kissed you with the amount of passion Jeno did. It was gentle, with enough vigor to cause your panties to dampen. It wasn’t sloppy, where previous guys had a problem of missing your mouth entirely and slobbered your chin.

His lips worshiped you, highlighting your good sides. Flashes of the photoshoot popped into Jeno’s head as he left purple marks on the places he loved capturing the most. He pushed up your shirt, exposing your chest to him again. His tongue circled around your hard nipple as he made sure to give the same amount of attention to each one.

Jeno knew he was too shy to hold your intense stare, but getting to know you during and after the photoshoot, he could see the softness in your gaze. He was, now, able to see all of you. The sight of you through the camera was addicting enough, so finally taking you all in was more than satisfying.

Your hands ran through his hair as he kissed down your torso. His thumbs hooked the waistband of your underwear, and peeled it off your body. You gasped as the cold air from your apartment grazed against your exposed figure.

Jeno paused to admire your glistening pussy, “would it be okay if you let me make love to you?”

Your heart burned, not out of embarrassment, but at how he still managed to ask you for your permission in the sweetest way. You rested your weight on your elbows, “no one has done that before, would it actually make me want to fall in love with you?”

“It wouldn’t be too bad. I have a lot of love to give and you look like a person who deserves all of it anyways.” Jeno’s finger ran over your wet slit and rubbed your clit slowly.

Your moans filled the room as the electric jolted throughout your veins. The wetness grew, seeping out of you like a waterfall. Jeno dropped down to his knees, and lifted your legs on his broad shoulders.

“Are you usually this wet, baby?”

Chuckling, you smiled at his bold choice in using pet names, “Just for you.”

He hummed, chiming at how he liked your answer. Spreading you open, his tongue met with your swollen bud that begged for his licks.

His tongue darted side to side, up and down and in result, your back arched in pleasure and a darkness clouded your mind. His name and mindless profanities streamlined their way out of you as Jeno ate you out in such a precisely delicious way.

Grabbing a fist full of hair, you pulled him closer, even if there was no more space to fill. Looking down, you two exchanged glances before he thrusted a finger into you. Your hips bucked harder as he eased in another one.

Jeno curled his fingers in search of your sweet spot and found it when a deep moan escaped your throat. His fingertips rubbed and pressed into your plush flesh, causing you to practically scream and squirm in his mouth.

He suckled your clit and fingered you simultaneously and quickly. The pleasure was overflowing and you released his hair to grip your sheets below you. Your legs shook and trembled as he had no caution to stop.

“Please, I’m going to--” you could barely talk due to your face contouring to the splurge of pleasure every single time Jeno rubbed your spot. “--to explode.”

He had to take back what he thought earlier in the day. This was the most beautiful sight he’s ever laid eyes on. The whole scene played like from one of his favorite films. It felt like he was giving his photos life. Your body twisted and turned, accentuating the curves of your lines.

Jeno had become painfully hard against the fabric of his jeans, but seeing you fall apart because of his minimal movements exhilarated him. “P-Please, don’t stop.” A breathy moan followed suit and your thighs tried to press themselves together. Jeno didn’t allow it, his free hand hooked underneath your left thigh to pull one side away from his cheeks.

Your high gradually grew so tall that it all eventually came cascading down. Your legs shook violently and sat up from the euphoria that took over you. Jeno prolonged your buzz and you screamed loudly, having to bite down on your fingers to stop yourself from angering your neighbors.

Jeno drank you up, letting your wetness cover his chin and drip down his knuckles. He pulled away, at last, and you took deep breaths to control your heavy breathing. It was like Jeno knocked the wind completely out of you.

He stood up and you saw the outline of his hard bulge straining itself through his jeans. The next scene was quite animalistic. You, still embodying your high, sat on your knees and unzipped his pants with your needy hands.

“Now, it’s your turn to get nude for me.” You whispered, tauntingly. Jeno groaned when you reached down and gently pulled him out. He stepped out of his clothing, all of it. His shirt was lost in the corner and his bottoms were scattered over your floor. Mirroring his actions, you took off your last piece of cloth.

Jeno was built. Though his biceps did not go unnoticed during the photoshoot, you were surprised at the lines of muscle that sketched his body. It made your mouth water, seeing his extremely hard dick stand against his toned abs. His red tip fell just below his navel. Jeno only kept getting better as the night continued on.

Pulling him closer, his hand found their way to the back of your head as you aligned your mouth to the wetness that spilled from his tip. “I want to make you feel good.” Jeno’s hoarse voice made your knees weak.

Peering up, you batted your eyelashes at him fondly. “Just a little taste?” You begged, having to hold his shaft with both of your hands because of his thickness. Your tongue was already stuck out, your hot breath causing the tiniest bit of sensation for him.

He nodded and his eyes were trained on you. He didn’t want to miss any second of your kitty licks. You flattened your tongue against his warmth, dragging it up to the top. The saltiness hit your palette as you swirled around his redness. “Oh--” Jeno threw his head back and bit his lip, “--lay on the bed now.”

You smiled sweetly and gave his member a quick kiss before reaching for a condom in your drawer. Jeno climbed onto your bed and situated the rubber comfortably. You laid on your back and he was fast to pull your legs around his waist.

He lined himself at your entrance and eased his tip in slowly. Squirming, you craved him to fill you up to the brim. He leaned down to kiss you, letting your tongue lap with his. It’s your hands with the mind of their own when they flew automatically to hold his face whenever you wanted to deepen the kiss. Then, Jeno stretched himself all the way in and he caught your gasp with his lips. He groaned, feeling the mess he created merely minutes ago.

His hips moved so easily with your wetness, but he went slow. Dragging out each pull and then, pushing himself back in roughly. “Jeno!” Your body jolted up the bed each time. His body fell over yours to hold you intimately, letting you bury your face into his neck. Your lips latched themselves onto his sensitive skin, painting a purple sunset.

Jeno’s arms snaked underneath your thighs as he pressed them to your chest, folding you almost into a ball. Your mouth hung open as he fucked you harder, rougher, deeper yet keeping the tempo rhythmically slow. At this point, you could feel his hits in your gut. Your weak hands gripped loosely around his strong wrists that held your legs down. “You’re pussy is so tight and holy shit---, you keep getting more beautiful.”

A familiar burning sensation set in your chest as you saw how concentrated his face had become. You were so fucked out that you could barely speak, “you—” his hips mercilessly slammed into you powerfully, enacting a low moan every time he reached your sweet spot. “—keep surprising me.” His actions came to a halt and he stared deeply into your soul.

You whined, wiggling your hips for any friction. He held them down into the mattress, knowing his grip was strong enough to leave a mark. “I told you, I was going to make love to you tonight.”

“I’ve already fallen for you.” You said breathlessly, tracing the side of his face and pecking his lips softly.

“You don’t understand what you’re doing to me by saying those things.” He whispered and pushed his entire shaft to fill you to your brim.

You yelped his name and gripped his shoulders, but he wasn’t done yet. “Show me how badly you wanted me the first time you saw me.” Jeno blinked at you in slight shock.

As he continued to hold the deep gaze, he kept pushing his dick further and further into you. He was balls deep, almost impossible to keep going. He fucked you without the need to pull out, just burying his cock deeper into your wet pussy. You exclaimed, moaned, cussed at every push. Holding the stare was more than enough to lose yourself all over him again.

Jeno was drunk with the image of your fucked out expression and every time the mixture of pleasure and pressure caused your eyebrows to crease and mouth to open release sensual sound. He had been trying his best not to come undone, to fixate another climax for you.

The feeling of you wrapping tighter and tighter around him drove him insane. “Give it to me, please.” Your muffled plead called for his release, but he could feel that you were close to your second.

Jeno sat up on his knees and pulled you into his arms where your thighs fell over his. You groaned at the empty feeling, though it was quickly replaced with a gratifying moan when he inserted himself again. Your arms dangled around his neck, foreheads touching intimately.

The fucking eye contact again, how could you get enough of it? You giggled, amused at how different Jeno was when he eventually opened up. He wrapped his strong arms around your back and thrusted his hips up into you. The way this man made you squirm, scream, and shake were nothing you’ve experienced before.

He smirked, placing a gentle kiss on your cheek when he went rampage on your pussy. “Not laughing now, are you?”

You whined in pleasure, brushing your fallen strands of hair out of his face. “Shut up before I make you.”

“Then I’d rather keep going.” Kissing up his jawline, you lead your way to his pout. His kisses intoxicated you with his passion and madness, like the most intense part of a symphony, or when the bass drops after a long build up in a song.

Jeno sped up, ramming up into your slick pussy over and over again. He even brought your hips down to match him, guiding you down as he went up. The headboard was knocked against the wall, your windows steamed up, cries of pleasure from the both of you created the ambiance, the smell of sex filled your lungs. Jeno reached between your bodies to furiously rub your clit to where it felt almost raw. It all sent you into the clouds, the familiar queasiness settled in your lower half.

Your eyes rolled back and your back arched, having to pull away from the desirous kiss with Jeno. “I’m cumming!” You announced before the tension unraveled, causing you to see absolute white. The second wave was much more uncontrollable, Jeno felt you squeezing radically around his dick as he tried to fuck you faster to prolong the feeling.

Your legs shook around his and your upper body went limp with pleasure. You reached the peak of the mountain and it came crumbling down underneath your toes. It was catastrophically enthralling, to the point where you physically felt something leave your body.

“Oh shit..” Jeno stopped his motions at the sight of you squirting over his lap. He pampered your torso with fluttering kisses, hoping to calm your spastic body. “...baby, are you okay?” He asked with a bit of concern of how lack of life you seemed.

This man just gave you the best climax in your whole life and he asked if you were okay? Regaining your senses, you sighed a small yes to reassure him that he didn’t actually murder you. Hopping off, you pulled the condom that restricted him.

He hissed when you cupped his balls in your palm. “Cum, my sweet thing.” You purred and Jeno’s hand pumped his member aggressively. You leaned in to help, sucking the tip and flicking your tongue over his slit.

His other hand gripped your neck, causing you to drip on your sheets. Jeno was panting and with every tug, it became louder. He seemed so desperate to release that it made you smile to be the reason behind it. “Can you lay down,” A grunt followed his question, “please.” He huffed.

“Because you asked nicely.” Smirking, your back hit the sheets and you opened your legs to give Jeno a view. He situated himself above your stomach, as he fucked his tight grip.

“I’m cumming---” He couldn’t look any more amazing. With a final moan, the white streaks streamed out in short sequences. It landed across your abdomen, over your nipple, and pooled around your belly button.

Bringing himself back to reality, Jeno stepped back to marvel you, his masterpiece. The white streaks coated your purple skin and your chest rose fast to catch your reality. Gazing upon your naked body, he was utterly infatuated with all of you. He was so in love with the sight of you that not a single photo could capture the beauty that you were.

Jeno pondered the thought of how merely a day changed a small part of him. You were life changing, addicting, an incomparable character that he felt like he’s known forever, and now, couldn’t live without. It was the taste of your juices on his lips, your sweet melodic music that was your voice, your daring smile that enticed him to never peel away from you. It was simply you.

He leaned down to rub his knuckles against your cheek, planting a lovingly peck on your forehead. “I’ll go start the water for you.”

Jeno anticipated the reaction of his mentor. He found himself at the same scene he was when he was first given the task. Taemin sat across from him, hunched forward to analyze his new set of photos on his laptop. Raw, unedited photos of you, your body, your details.

The hum of the air conditioning droned on, driving him mad. Jeno needed one reaction, but Taemin had been silent and expressionless for the past ten minutes. Whenever he did move, it was to click through to the next picture.

Suddenly, he shut it closed and stood right up. Jeno, panicked, did the same. Taemin stuck his hand out and Jeno hesitantly grabbed it, incredibly unsettled and unable to read the older man.

Taemin received it firmly, giving Jeno a good handshake. “Welcome abroad, Lee Jeno. I expect even more great things from you.”

Jeno registered his delightful mood switch and he was fast to follow up, “my photos, --- you --- like them?”

Taemin nodded generously, patting Jeno on his shoulder. Taemin reached up to tap his own eyelids. “What you can see, is very special, kid. You’re an artist and I’m here to recognize that for you. It seems to me, you can do more than take pictures of sidewalks.”

Jeno smiled happily, his eyes disappearing from joy. He couldn’t wait to tell you about it.

The rest of the week, leading up to Jeno’s appointment, had felt nothing short of blissful moments together. You and Jeno spent almost every waking minute together without the cost of your friends’ time. He walked you to your classes, some even being across the campus from his own. You accompanied him for meals, even sitting in his lectures to just be with him.

There were no words that established what you two had become to each other. Jeno wasn’t looking for that anyways, in fact, he somewhat liked the ambiguity. If only he could tell you how making love to you made him begin to actually fall for you.

You were never one to hold a serious relationship, but you found a small want for that festering in Jeno. It was hard to admit to yourself, but Jeno saw you for all that you were. He truly saw you, whether it had been through a lens or through his own eyes. He captured your rawness and you were able to find vulnerability around him.

He ran to you, where you sat in the lobby waiting for him to finish his meeting. Peering up from your phone, you noticed the beaming smile on the boy’s face. You couldn’t hold back your own grin, seeing him apparent with so much joy. “I’m guessing good things?”

“I got it, (Y/N)!” He jumped into your arms and you laughed at the sudden affection. “He loved my photos.”

“I didn’t doubt it for one second. You’re an artist, Jeno. You create masterpieces that make even someone like me, feel like art.”

Jeno hugged you closer to his chest, giving you a tiny squeeze. Pulling away to face you, his eyes examined your outstanding grace. You knew what he was already going to say, but simply wanted to hear him say it. “That’s because you are art.”

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darthkruge · 4 years

Text

Anakin Skywalker x Reader ~ Help

Summary: The five times the Senator!Reader needs Anakin’s help but refuses to ask for it and the one time they do

Warnings: Language, reader is afraid of vulnerability, reader is going through it, angst, violence, fluff (it ends on a positive note, I promise)

Words: 4k

A/N: This idea has kinda been bouncing around my head for a hot minute and I finally decided to just go ahead and write it. And somehow it became the longest fic I’ve ever written! Is this self-indulgent? Who’s to say?!

(not my gif)

Okay, so a right, then a left, then another left, then-

You groaned. You’d been going over the cryptic instructions Padme gave you back at the temple but they were, unfortunately, not helping. It was your first time alone in Coruscant and you were completely lost in the painfully literal sense. You had just been given your first actual mission with the Council as a senator, something you’d worked your entire career for. As an added bonus, you were on the same planet as your boyfriend, Anakin Skywalker.

You’d gotten close over the last year and were elated when he asked you on a date the last time you were in the same place. This was the first time you were together in the two weeks it had been since then.

Anyway, you were currently wandering around the bustling Coruscant streets, looking for the market. Well, you were looking for the market. Now, you realized you would probably never find it and were just trying to make your way back.

You debated calling Anakin. You could. He would be able to guide you home easily, you rationalized. But it’s Coruscant! How difficult could it be? If people came here for missions all the time and didn’t get hopelessly lost, so could you! And Anakin was probably busy anyway, you didn’t want to disturb him. Besides, the relationship was so new! You didn’t want to annoy him. After weighing the odds, you pushed down the urge to reach out and decided to just find your own way.

This logic was ridiculous, you realized far too late. Fuck. There was no way around it, you were going to be late. Or at the very least, cut it exceptionally close. You started running, heart racing. It would be so stupid to be late to your first actual Council meeting because you got lost. You wanted them to take you seriously and think of you as a professional. Tardiness as a first impression went against all of that!

After sprinting and taking several aimless turns, by some stroke of magic you found your way to the Temple. You checked the time and realized you had two minutes to make it to up several flights of stairs.

Fuck it. You decided, taking off in a run. You took the stairs two at a time, stumbling occasionally before unceremoniously bursting through the doors to the meeting.

You gulped in air quickly, chest heaving while you desperately tried to calm your heart. You inelegantly brushed a hand through your hair and gave an awkward smile.

“Hi, uh, everyone! Hi! I’m,” You took a quick break to breathe in some more oxygen as your gaze shifted to Anakin. He looked amused and concerned as he took you in. He gave you a discreet and supportive smile and head nod. You gave your own in return. He believes in me. “I’m Senator Y/N L/N”

II.

Honestly, you didn’t know how your speeder had broken. You’d been flying them for years and, despite being a senator, you were pretty damn good at it. It was something that gave you solace as a kid, those little moments of freedom. Even then, though, you were a decently cautious person and didn’t break many of them.

Thus, you ended up in your current predicament. Staring at the fried wires under the hood of your speeder, trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong. You knew Anakin was freakishly talented at fixing basically everything. He could probably look at the speeder for 10 minutes, know what’s wrong with it, and get it back to you in perfect shape.

You think this is why you don’t want to tell him. What if he thought you were stupid? Shouldn’t you be able to figure this out yourself? You fought with your instincts, feeling the conflict build inside you.

You knew he wouldn’t judge you. You knew he’d be glad you came to him for help. Even so, you felt physically incapable of moving to call or find him.

Frustrated, you turned back to your work. You decided to pull this one gear, thinking it might do something. Well, you were right about that. A stream of oil sprayed out of the speeder, coating you in its thick, black paint. You stood there frozen for a second, trying to mentally comprehend that you had just been sprayed with oil because you were too afraid to talk to the man you were in a literal relationship with!!

You groaned, wiping your hands on your pants before grabbing a towel to wipe some of the grease off your face. You walked back into your apartment quickly, praying to the Maker that no one would see you like this. Honestly, they’d probably smell you first and run the other way.

You finally got back without problems and made a bee-line straight to the bathroom. Pulling off your clothes and turning on the hot shower, you sighed as you finally felt the oil washed off your skin. You spent about twenty minutes in there, scrubbing furiously to ensure you didn’t smell like a fucking garage.

Finally, you went out and saw Anakin sitting on your bed, messing with a piece of wiring.

“Hey, Y/N! Did you know your speeder was broken? It looks like you blew a cable, easy fix, don’t worry. I’ll have it ready for you by tonight.”

He looked up and saw your exhausted state and the clump of dirty, grease ridden clothes you were holding.

His brow furrowed, trying to piece it together. “Maker, what happened to you?”

“I had a fight with the speeder. And lost”

Anakin bit back a laugh before his confusion compounded. “Wait, you know I can fix this, right? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was an idiot. I mean, I did something and broke an entire speeder and somehow didn’t even know what I broke! It’s humiliating!”

“Cables are hard, it’s not your fault you didn’t know what to do, love.”

“Really?” You asked, unconvinced.

“Really. Come on, let’s go throw those clothes in the wash and I’ll get back to fixing this.”

“Oh, no, Ani you don’t have to-”

Anakin cut you off with a kiss, distracting you enough to quickly take the clothes from your hands.

“I’ll have it ready within the hour, my love.”

III.

Who the fuck decided to put the plates that high up?!

You jumped again and again, arm outstretched as far as possible. Once again, you didn’t even get close. Sighing, you looked around the apartment and noticed a ladder. It looked a bit unsteady but you would be fine, right? You were a whole ass senator, you were sure you could handle an old ladder.

Pulling it over to you, you climbed up and reached out. Much closer this time, but you still couldn’t reach them. You went on your tiptoes, eyebrows furrowed and lip bit in concentration. You angled your body just a little further, a little further-

The ladder was suddenly ripped out from under you and you desperately shot your arms out, hands clawing to try and stop your imminent fall onto the hard kitchen tiles. Bracing yourself for the inevitable pain, you squeezed your eyes closed.

“Y/N!!” You heard as your fall suddenly stopped. You opened your eyes and noticed you were barely floating above the floor. Anakin ran toward you and noticed the ladder strewn on the floor beside you.

“What the hell were you doing?” He said, offering you his hand and pulling you up.

“I was just-” You gesture lamely to the plates, realizing how ridiculous you must look.

“Y/N, no one can reach those! Next time, just call me, I’ll get them for you!”

“But-” You sigh, hating this. “I wanted to be able to do this, I don’t want to rely on you and your Jedi powers all the time”

Anakin’s gaze softened. He knew you had trouble relying on others. Even so, he couldn’t even start to think of what would have happened if he’d arrived home even 10 seconds later.

“I know, baby, I know. But, please, try. You’d have to rely on me a lot more if you break your legs falling off a ladder.”

“I know” You reply softly, giving him a shy smile. “I’m working on it, I promise”

IV.

You’d been up all night working on a new presentation for the Council. You’d spent hours going over it, the facts, the plans, the details. Everything was set. Well, everything except one little piece. To make your point stronger, you needed the statistics from the latest Jedi missions.

The only people with access to those were Anakin and Obi-Wan. You knew, logically, that if you asked Anakin he’d give them to you without hesitation. He supported you always and knew that you only used your power as a senator to improve lives.

Even so, there was that part of your brain that told you he wouldn’t give them to you. He would think you’re just trying to use him for his connections as a Jedi. Or perhaps he simply wouldn’t care enough to search through the reports to find the information.

All of this was, of course, completely inaccurate. But you’d never had someone who actually wanted to help you. It's always been “okay I’ll do this for you but only if you do this for me, too.” No one ever looked out for you and you’d grown accustomed to it. It’d become almost comforting, in a way. At least you knew what to expect.

This was how you ended up seeing your beautiful boyfriend across the halls of the Jedi temple and walking another way. Your heart tugged painfully and your brain screamed at you. Why don’t you allow yourself to trust him? Why would you assume the worst? Why can’t you fight these thoughts?

You took one more look back at him. You didn’t want to be closed off by any stretch of the imagination. You wished you could turn off the thoughts and the doubt. You knew Ani didn’t deserve it. You sighed. There he was, training by himself in the courtyard. You looked away and took a moment to compose yourself before your legs carried you away and toward your good friend.

“Hey, Obi-Wan, could you help me with something for the next Council meeting?”

You were running. You were running and as fast as you moved, you never got closer to him. You were never safe. A masked figure was chasing you and you just couldn’t get away. Your legs burned with the effort, your lungs straining to grasp oxygen. You were exhausted to your core, your sheer panic the only thing keeping you awake.

You looked back and saw the man gaining on you. Tears started streaming down your cheeks. You knew what he was capable of and had no doubt he would kill you if he caught you. You didn’t want to die, not like this. You didn’t want him to beat you. You were so, so scared. You screamed as he caught up to you, your body no longer moving. You pleaded with your legs to work, reasoned with the heavens, did anything you could, and yet you wouldn’t budge.

The stranger’s claw of a hand twisted around your neck, squeezing. You fought. It was pointless. You began to black out, feeling the life slip out of your body. Dark spots appeared in the corners of your vision and you tried once again to kick your way out of his grasp-

You bolted awake, eyes shooting open. Your chest was heaving and tear stains marked your cheeks. You placed your hands on the bed sheets, bunching them up and trying to feel the texture to remind yourself that you were safe. You tried to breathe, tried to calm yourself but nothing was working.

You got up, pacing quietly. Out of all the nights to have a nightmare, it had to be today. The one night you and Anakin weren’t together. Since you had to hide the relationship, you couldn’t technically share an apartment. This didn’t stop you from spending basically every night together, though. His chambers became yours after the first month or so of dating, neither of you wanting to spend time apart.

But, unfortunately, the Council seemed more cautious as of late and you didn’t want to risk it. Thus, you decided to spend tonight apart. Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to care right now. You grabbed one of his Jedi robes, pulling the black fabric around your body. You were immediately calmed by his scent and wrapped it closer around you. You started to make your way down the hall. You knew it was risky but after that nightmare, you just needed him.

You made it to his apartment, went to knock on the door, and abruptly stopped. What are you doing? You can’t just go to him! He’s exhausted, he’s been working all week! He finally got home from a mission and you want to wake him up in the middle of the night because you had a nightmare? It wasn’t even real! Maker, get a hold of yourself, Y/N!

Your hand hovered over the door. You wanted him, you did. But those lingering thoughts, those lingering emotions remained. A childhood of neglect, of constant feelings of unimportance left scars you couldn’t avoid. You hated that your parent’s inability to show you affection or care manifested in your inability to be vulnerable. Despite this, you somehow understood. You’d spent years letting them in and only getting invalidated in return. Like all patterns, this one wouldn’t go away just because you wanted it to.

Now, every time you tried to let Anakin in, it’s like an alarm was tripped in your brain. Every part of you that wanted to allow him to know you was combated with the overwhelming fear that, if you did, if you went to him for comfort or help, he would think of you as a burden. He’d leave, just like the rest of them did. So you pushed the urge for comfort aside, dropped your hand, and made the lonely walk back to your room.

You got back to your room, mentally beating yourself up. You wished your brain worked differently. You wished you would allow yourself to be loved. You wished you could trust, fully and completely. You sighed. Knowing you wouldn’t be getting any sleep, you made yourself a cup of tea and sat on your cough, the room solely illuminated by the moonlight. You kept Anakin’s robes around you, wishing it was his arms. You sat like that until morning, sipping the drink on and off until it grew cold. You were zoned out, staring out the window at the Coruscant traffic. Your thoughts either drifted to him or your past trauma. Maker, you wished you could change it.

Fuck. You’d been driving around on your speeder, zipping in and out of alleys, for the last twenty minutes. There was a bounty hunter after you. A damn good bounty hunter, at that. Being a high profile senator, it made sense you’d run into the occasional person trying to kidnap you. Or kill you.

Damn, this bitch is good. You kept trying to lose them but you couldn’t shake them. You didn’t even know who they were but it didn’t matter, you supposed. At the end of the day, regardless of who was in that speeder, they wanted you dead. And if you didn’t figure out how to get out of this mess, you would be.

They’d been shooting at you for a while now but you’d been able to avoid the blasts. Whether it was skill, luck, or a combination of both, you weren’t sure. Even so, you didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t shoot back at them, as you stupidly forgot your blaster. Who could blame you, though? All you wanted to do was go for a ride to clear your head, you didn’t expect to be fucking shot at!

You continued like this for a while. All you had to do was get back to the Temple. You were probably about 10 minutes away if you continued at this pace, 7 if you really pushed it. You looked ahead and saw the walls of it come into view and suddenly safety didn’t feel so far away. Despite the circumstances, a smile graced your face. You could do this.

Or maybe not. As you tried to swerve between more buildings, they hit you. You felt your speeder plummet 10 feet instantly and screamed. Your engine sputtered and your heart dropped. Mind racing, you tried to drive but came to the chilling realization that there was no way you’d make it back. Your engine was done for, it wouldn’t make it 3 minutes, yet alone all the way back.

Your mind went to him. Anakin. Fuck, you loved him. You let out a humorless laugh. Since you started dating, you almost never asked him for help. You couldn’t let him in. Something in your brain stopped you every single time. And yet, now, all of that felt stupid. It felt juvenile. When you looked at your speeder, slowly but surely stalling and the bounty hunter approaching, you felt this overwhelming sense of clarity.

You were going to die. This person, they would get to your speeder and shoot you. You didn’t have a single weapon. It was inevitable. Your mind, however, wouldn’t relent. It was stuck on him. In this moment, you pressed the comm button in your speeder, hoping beyond hope that it would still work.

“Y/N?” Anakin’s staticky voice cut through the speeder and went straight to your heart.

“Hey, Ani” You said, your voice broken up with unshed tears.

“Y/N? Where are you? What’s happening?”

“I’m- Anakin, I’m in trouble. A bounty hunter is after me, my speeder is hit and going to stop working probably within the next 20 seconds. I don’t have any weapons to defend myself. I, I, uh, I need your help”

“I’m coming to get you, stay where you are.” His voice was firm, his need to protect you overruling everything else in his body.

“I’m just a few-”

“I’ve got you, love. I can sense you in the Force. I know where you are”

Of course he could. You took a few deep breaths and you speeder sputtered out, stopping in a deserted alleyway. You looked around and saw the bounty hunter, now obviously male, stepping out and making his way towards you.

“He’s here, Anakin” Your voice was tight, anxious. You were quiet, paralyzed by fear.

“Please, Y/N, fuck! Hold on, I’m almost there”

“Ani, Anakin I’m scared! Ani! Ani!” You were hysterical now, screaming and sobbing his name as the man punched the top of your speeder, fracturing the glass. He pulled you out of it by the hair and threw you harshly onto the concrete.

You yelped in pain as he kicked you directly in the ribs. He backhanded you across the face, the power from his hit making blood pool in your mouth. Harshly you spit it onto the ground, looking up at him with pure hate.

He placed the blaster to your head, right on your forehead. You let your eyes flutter closed. Your knees were scraped, legs bruised. You were sure at least one of your ribs was broken. You could feel blood running from your temple. Your arm was radiating pain from landing on it. Despite all this, the only thing you thought of was Anakin. Funny, you thought, how the brain chooses what to focus on in its last moments. All you hoped was that he didn’t feel responsible for your death. All you hoped was that he knew you loved him.

“You’re finished, Senator”

“I don’t think so” Anakin’s smooth voice, tight with anger, cut through the air. His lightsaber unsheathed, he swung it directly into the man. You gasped, everything happening so quickly. As soon as the blaster was gone from your forehead, you scrambled back.

Anakin walked up to you but, from the shock, you pulled back even further.

“Hey, hey, it’s me, it’s Anakin, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you”

You whimpered, looking at him and placing a hand on his jacket before harshly jumping into his arms. He gripped you to him, both of you sighing in relief.

“You came for me”

He looked at you like you were insane. “Of course I did! You needed me, you called! I’m always going to be there for you, Y/N. I am always going to show up”

“Thank you” You said, voice muffled against his chest. His hands raked through your hair while you just breathed him in. His scent comforted you, his strong chest and large arms grounding you after a day so intense and horrifying that nothing felt real.

You were still trembling, the aftershocks quite apparent.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you. You’re safe, he’s dead, he’s gone. No one’s ever gonna hurt you again, I promise.” Anakin whispered these affirmations into your hair, holding you until the shaking ceased.

“Thank you for calling me, Y/N. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“It wasn’t that hard, to be honest, I- wait? What do you mean, you know it couldn’t have been easy for me?!”

Anakin looked at your sheepishly. “You honestly think I haven’t noticed your problems with asking for help? We’ve been together for almost a year and, contrary to popular belief, I can be quite perceptive. I didn’t want to call you out on it, I assumed you’d be embarrassed. But I’m glad that when it actually came down to life or death, you called me.”

“I’ve always known I could call you, Anakin. Please, I don’t want you to ever think my inability to be vulnerable is rooted to anything you do. You’re, fuck, you’re perfect. You’re kind and compassionate and caring and you’re always looking out for me. Look, I know I haven’t been too open about my past and I still struggle with that. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve never had someone who actually wanted to be there for me. This thing where you care and want me to come to you when I’m hurting or simply just want affection or company or help with the little things, it’s foreign to me.”

Ani’s heart broke at your words. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you back then, Y/N. I hate that this” He said, gesturing between you both “is unique to you. But, seriously, anytime you need anything I’m someone you can come to. I honestly want you to come to me. Regardless of if you think it’s something small or this life-altering favor, ask me. I doubt I’d turn you away and, on the off chance I do, I’m not gonna hold that against you.”

“You won’t leave? Even if I show you all of me? Even if I rely on you?”

“I won’t leave you, beautiful. So long as you allow me to show you all of me, too. And you let me rely on you, too.”

Your eyes widened at his words. “Of course! Of course, Ani! I’m here for you, I got you, too, always.”

“I know you do” His flesh hand went up, cupping your cheek.

“I know you do, too.” You sighed into his touch. You were exhausted beyond belief, your body and mind pretty much shutting down from the stress of it all. Even so, you relaxed further into his body. Yeah, this was new. Yes, it was scary. But you were going to try. Even though it terrified you, you wanted to be loved. You wanted to be loved by him.

tagging julia bc she asked when i was textpost-complaining about having to edit this <3

@anakinswhore

#megan writes #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x gn!reader #anakin skywalker x gender neutral reader #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker imagines #anakin skywalker angst #anakin skywalker fluff #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x y/n #anakin skywalker

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justalitlecreacher · 4 years

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Anakin Skywalker Deserved Better

Ive made this post before but it was really rough and i meant to edit it later and its later now but its been so long that i don’t feel like finding the og post so here we are. If it’s not obvious i care more than a normal amount about Anakin Skywalker.

Tl;Dr: I firmly believe that there are so many points in the prequel series, the clone wars, and even the comics that some level of intervention could have steered Anakin away from falling in Revenge of the Sith.

The Phantom Menace

This is our first encounter with Anakin, and it does a decent job at introducing us to him. This movie sets up his tragic backstory™️ and gives us a good look at his personality; Anakin appears selfless and eager to help complete strangers in return for nothin when he first brings Qui-Gon and crew to his home to give them shelter, and then risks his life in the podrace to help them afford the part they need to fix their ship. Aside from introducing and developing Anakin not much else happens until Qui-Gon brings Anakin before the Jedi Council where they decide he is too old and there is already too much anger in him to be trained as a Jedi. Qui-Gon disagress, but we move on to Naboo where 9-year old Anakin blows up a very large ship all; by himslef w/ autopilot ( they grow up so fast), Qui-Gon dies, and we get our first look at Palpatine being creepy in hindsight, “And you, young Skywalker, we will watch your career with great interest.” not all that weird out of context but uncomfy when you remember who Palpatine is.

Before we move on i actually want to flashback to Anakin’s first encounter with the Jedi Council. For a group of people who constantly take in and raise children, the Jedi seem to do a poor job interacting with them. A kind of infuriating thing about this scene is that the Jedi seem to shame Anakin for being afraid (no matter how much Anakin himself denies that fear). This scene does a really good job at setting up how the Jedi consistently fail to take into account that Anakin is fundamentally incapable of being a “normal” Jedi. Anakin has had a fundamentally different childhood than any other Jedi and absolutely needed more help and support than the average Padawan from the very beginning. Granted it is possible that the Jedi tried to get him the help and support he needed, but if they did we can infer they failed from Dooku’s line in Revenge of the Sith, “I sense great fear in you, Skywalker. You have hate, you have anger, but you don’t use them.”

Obi-Wan And Anakin Comic

The Obi-Wan and Anakin comics take place sometime between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. The story focuses on Anakin and Obi-Wan investigating a distress signal on a planet that has been destroyed by war. The comic also flashes back to reveal that Anakin is thinking of leaving the Jedi Order after Palpatine shows him the dark side of Coruscant, and tells him that neither the Jedi nor the Senate will be able to do anything about it. We get more creepy (not just in hindsight this time) moments out of Palpatine here. The first one is when he uses his position as Chancellor to gain access to Anakin under the guise of “helping” him. “Why young Skywalker is a Jedi, is he not? The Jedi are under the Senate’s jurisdiction. And as I am the Chancellor of the Senate...”. Palpatine proceeds to take Anakin to a club of some kind where they see a corrupt senator gambling; Palpatine also mentions how “Lives are bought and sold here everyday” he then makes a show of apologizing for bringing it up considering Anakin’s past.Without context this would seem harmless enough, but with the context of Palpatine’s true identity it is more likely a ploy to subelty remind Anakin of how the Jedi and Senate are unable or unwilling to intervene on Tatooine or the rest of the Outer Rim. Palpatine reminding Anakin of the Senate and Jedi’s inability to help everyone seems to be a running theme in their meeting as the series continues.

Aside from Palpatine being a creep; we see that Anakin is still just as willing and eager to help as he was in The Phantom Menace. His skills in mechanics result in him being briefly kidnapped so that he can fix weapons that will help one side to win the war that has destroyed the planet. Seriously Anakin is just so ernest in these comics that i shed tears because i know how his story ends.

One character that Obi-Wan and Anakin team up with to reach the distress signal first mistakes Anakin for Obi-Wan’s son, and then tells Obi-Wan, “He [Anakin] doesn’t think so. Kid idolizes you. You can see it” when Obi-Wan admits that he’s not sure he is the best suited to teach Anakin, and fears he has failed him in some way. As the story progresses, it is revealed in a flashback that after Anakin told Obi-Wan he wanted to leave the Order, Yoda sent the two of them on the mission they are currently on to give Anakin a chance to reconsider his decision, and Obi-Wan tells Yoda that if Anakin returned from the mission still wanting to leave the Order, Obi-Wan would leave with him to continue his training and keep his promise to Qui-Gon.

Attack of the Clones

Back to the movies. Attack of the Clones reunites Obi-Wan and Anakin with Padmé Amidala when they are assigned to protect her from an assassin. One of ( if not the) most important elements to this movie are Anakin’s dreams/visions of his mother. Towards the beginning of the movie Anakin doesn’t explicitly say what the dreams are about, but it can be assumed that the dreams are unpleasant as he says, “I don't sleep well anymore.” in response to Obi-Wan commenting on him looking tired; going on to claim that he cannot sleep because of his dreams. Anakin later admits to Padmé that he worries about his mother. This is one of the key moments in Anakin’s life that set him up to fall in Revenge of the Sith. There is no reason i can think of that Anakin should not have been allowed to check on his mother if he was having dreams about her that prevented him from sleeping properly and made him worry for her safety. As Anakin says, “Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life, so you might say we're encouraged to love.”. If compassion truly is central to a Jedi’s life, then surely they could at the very least send one of their 10,000 Jedi to check on Anakin’s mother if he could not? Is it compassion to deny someone the help they need? I find it hard to believe that Anakin would not have told Obi-Wan that he was worried about his mother going off of how close they appear to be in the previous comic. Especially after Anakin responds to Obi-Wan joking about Anakin being the death of him one day with, “Don't say that Master... You're the closest thing I have to a father... I love you. I don't want to cause you pain.”

Anakin and Padmé arrive too late to save Shmi, and she dies in Anakin’s arms. This is a crucial moment leading up to Anakin’s fall as it shows Anakin that his dreams have a very real potential of coming true and likely results in him blaming himself at least partially for not insisting on checking on his mother or getting there sooner or doing anything different that may have allowed her to survive; it’s also the first time we see Anakin really lose control. There have been instances of him lashing out in anger before (turning a pair of padawans’ lightsabers against them when he hears them making fun of him behind his back), but nothing like what happens in the wake of Shmi’s death. Anakin wipes out the entire village of Tusken Raiders; children included. And while Anakin does express genuine remorse for his actions, he never faces consequences for them. It’s not even clear if anyone but Padmé ever finds out; Yoda claims to feel Anakin’s pain in the wake of his mother’s death, but does not appear to see Anakin’s actions, and is not shown to discuss what happened on Tatooine with Anakin at all.

Some light googling on my part revealed that in the novelization of Attack of the Clone, while Anakin did tell Obi-Wan about his mother’s death it was Padmé who told Obi-Wan how she had died, but Obi-Wan is unaware of what happened afterwards. “Anakin had told him of Shmi’s death; that was why he and Padmé had gone to Tatooine, he said. Obi-Wan had talked to Padmé later, and she had explained that Shmi had been kidnapped and killed by Tusken Raiders. Neither of them had been willing to go into much detail, and from what Obi-Wan knew of the Tusken Raiders, he didn’t blame them. It was no wonder Anakin seemed shaken, if his mother had been tortured and killed. One day, perhaps, Anakin would be willing to tell him the whole story.” Obi-Wan appears to know that there is more to the story than he has been told, but it content to wait until Anakin is ready to talk about it. I wonder if they ever had that conversation.

Anakin’s inability to save his mother even after the warnings he receives in his dreams likely leads to his desperation to save Padmé form the danger he believes her to be in later in Revenge of the Sith. He has been shown once before that his dreams can easily come true, and he is desperate to prevent this dream from coming true no matter what the cost may be.

The Clone Wars

This is gonna be a long one; it’s gonna have to cover the most relevant episodes of The Clone Wars and oh boy that’s not a small amount. Im gonna try to go chronologically but bear with me (if you actually read this far you know what you got yourself into)

Assassin s3ep7

In this episode Ahsoka begins having visions of Padmé being assassinated similarly to how Anakin dreamed of his mother’s and later Padmé’s deaths. The difference with Ahsoka is that she is able to prevent the visions from becoming reality. What i want to focus on in this episode is the reaction Ahsoka gets when she tells Yoda about her dreams. Yoda explains to her that her dream may be telling her something and provides her with the means to act on her visions to prevent them from becoming true.

When Anakin approaches Yoda about his dreams in Revenge of the Sith, Yoda simply tells him that death is natural and he must train himself to let go of everything he fears to lose. We could chalk this up to just a writing inconsistency, but i dont think i will. I would instead like to wonder why Yoda treats Ahsoka’s visions like they are something that can be changed but then treats Anakin’s like they are set in stone. Anakin has already proven himself capable of having true visions, and is more force sensitive than any other living Jedi. It makes no sense to dismiss Anakin’s feelings like this. All this to say looking into and helping Anakin to examine his dreams instead of telling him to let go when he has proven over and over to be incapable of doing so would likely have been significantly more helpful in the long run.

The Mortis Arc S3 Ep15-17

Honestly i dont have a lot to say on this arc aside how much psychic damage it dealt to see Anakin briefly turn to the dark side because he was so desperate o avoid the future The Son had shown him ( really hope everyone had the common sense not to bring that up to Anakin after the fact though).

The Deception Arc S4 Ep15+18

In this arc Obi-Wan fakes his death in order to go undercover as the bounty hunter Rako Hardeen and uncover a plot to kidnap the Chancellor. This wouldn’t be a problem if they had brought Anakin in on the plan; instead they use Anakin’s reaction to Obi-Wan’s “death” to better sell the illusion. Obi-Wan even says, “Keeping Anakin on the outside was critical. Everyone knows how close we are. It was his reaction that sold the sniper. I'm sure of it.” Obi-Wan and the Council are fully aware of how much Obi-Wan means to Anakin, yet they all decide to use those feelings to their own advantage with little regard for the consequences.

On top of betraying Anakin’s trust; this move leads Anakin to doubt the Jedi Council and wonder what else they may be keeping from him if they were willing to let him believe that Obi-Wan was dead as long as it suited their interests. “How many other lies have I been told by the Council? And how do you know that you even have the whole truth?”.

I just cannot imagine why they thought they even had to use Obi-Wan for this plan. In the Obi-Wan and Anakin comic, Obi-Wan claims that there are 10,000 Jedi; surely there is someone less connected or with less attention on them who would be more suited to go undercover without the element of faking their death. Or if faking their death was necessary, surely they could have picked a Jedi who was not closely attached to arguably the most emotionally unstable Jedi in the Order. Anyone else would have been better. I don’t doubt that Anakin was telling the truth when he said, “If it was up to me I would kill you right here! But lucky for you, the man you murdered would rather see you rot in jail.”.

The Deception Arc just really grinds my gears because it really is almost like the Council wants Anakin to fall. There really is no excuse for how they use his bond with Obi-Wan against him for their own gain. The Council and Obi-Wan know full well how much Anakin loves Obi-Wan (see Anakin referring to Obi-Wan as the closest thing he has to a father in Attack of the Clones), and chose to use this vulnerability against Anakin in the worst way possible.

This arc really sets Anakin to later doubt Obi-Wan and the Council in Revenge of the Sith, and make it easier for Palpatine to convince Anakin that no Jedi would understand him and that they would likely kick him out of the order and not help him. ( heck he even has a recent memory of the Jedi expelling a 14 year old from the Order for the sake of not looking bad in the eyes of the Senate. “I understand your sentiment, Obi-Wan, but if the Council does as you suggest, it could be seen as an act of opposition to the Senate. I'm afraid we have little choice.” i might go more in depth on this one later but this doesn’t feel like the right place as this is a post about Anakin and i don’t want to make and Ahsoka centric arc all about him).

That wraps up the Clone Wars! Finally!

Revenge of the Sith

Ok big finale. Revenge of the Sith; so close to being my favorite Star Wars movie, but it almost made me cry in the library so its my second favorite (Attack of the Clones is my favorite).

I’ve already touched on the dreams Anakin has of Padmé’s death in the Clone Wars segment, but it bears repeating and i have more to touch on. Im not 100% if im misremembering or not but i cannot recall Anakin ever explicitly telling Palpatine about his dreams, but Palpatine knows that Anakin fears for Padmé’s life anyway. It’s possible that Anakin just told him off screen but a fic i read recently ( It’s called give me one more night by Spongyllama on AO3 and it is so worth the read) introduced me to the theory that it had been Palpatine sending Anakin the dreams to begin with.

This theory has a good amount of legs to stand on honestly. As mentioned previously, Anakin never tells Palpatine about his dreams, but Palpatine still knows exactly what to tell Anakin to best manipulate him. Furthermore; Anakin’s dreams very likely would never have come true if Anakin hadn’t fallen; Padmé reportedly dies of heartbreak, something that could not have happened had Anakin not fallen. All signs point to Palpatine being behind the dreams (and we know that Anakin and Palpatine are close by the time Attack of the Clones occurs so it’s not out of question that Anakin may have told Palpatine about the dreams about his mother, giving Palpatine the idea to use those dreams against him later)

Conclusion

Honestly the biggest thing i think the Jedi could have improved on was just trying to understand Anakin better. The average age for entering the order is 2 to 3 compared to Anakin’s 9. Anakin entered the order years after any other Jedi, and because of that was able to remember his mother and had formed attachments (or attachment but i digress) before he had even reached the order. It should have been obvious from the start that if Anakin were to ever become a successful Jedi he would need significantly more help than the usual padawan.

We frequently see Anakin scolded for forming attachments or being too emotional (see Clone Wars s1e6-7 where R2-D2 goes missing and Anakin suggests taking a squad out to look for him “Anakin, it's only a droid. You know attachment is not acceptable for a Jedi.”(Obi-Wan) “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”(Yoda). etc etc) But, to the best of my knowledge, we never really see anyone showing Anakin how to let go. Anakin lacks the tools he needs to properly deal with his emotions, so the best he can do is shove them down and pretend they don’t exist because to him that’s what a proper Jedi does. No one has ever told him otherwise. The explosion was inevitable.

Anakin Skywalker was a traumatized child who was most likely never taken to therapy or told how to deal with/ healthily show his emotions in any way other than to ignore them or push them aside on top of being manipulated by Sith Lord from a young age. With all these factors is it really a surprise that Palpatine was able to turn him?

ok im done; see yall next time ig

#anakin skywalker #star wars prequels #star wars the clone wars #anakin #character analysis #long post #read more #id apologize but itd be a lie

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bangtanger · 4 years

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CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol 1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀ a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀ a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀ a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL

❀ some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

#m:text #tg

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firemblem-fics · 4 years

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SFW alphabet. | seteth

-> Pairing: Seteth x GN!Reader

-> Warnings: None

-> Genre: Fluff, Headcanons

-> A/N: this was chosen by a poll on my discord server except i gave no context in the poll so this is for y’all :) also uh im sorry if i’m not active in the next week, i rlly just had the absolute worst nervous breakdown ive had in a long while LMAO so uh ya might stay away from the internet for a while

warning, long post.

A -> Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

with seteth, affection STAYS private. it will never ever be displayed out in the open, especially not around the students. he prefers to keep personal relationships out of professional life

when he does show affection, though, it’s super slow and gentle. he always hugs you from behind and just sways side to side, pressing little kisses against your temple and cheek while you lean i to his embrace and close your eyes.

B -> Begin (How did the relationship begin?)

it didn’t really have a solid beginning. you just kind of wormed your way into seteth and flayn’s hearts unknowingly. when he asked to court you, you were super super hesitant because you didn’t want to replace his late wife. he assured you that she’d want him and flayn to be happy and that she’d 100% approve of you.

you still have your doubts, but seteth is always there to reassure you.

C -> Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How do they cuddle?)

cuddling is saved for nights or early mornings on a day off. seteth is always itching to get up and get things done, so it’s a little on the tougher side to get him to stay. eventually he caves and lays in.

you cuddle facing each other, your head tucked underneath his chin and his legs entangling yours. his hand that lays underneath you plays with the ends of your hair while the other rests gently on your thigh, which is hiked over his hip.

D -> Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How good are they at cooking and cleaning?)

seteth’s thoughts rarely every go astray, but when they do, he imagines what life would be like, just retiring from the monastery and living a nice life with you. he’d like to settle down eventually, but not any time soon

he’s super good at doing his part in chores and duties! of course he is, but he’s very very reliable and does things when asked. it’s nice

E -> Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

he would sit you down and explain his reasonings and such. it hurts him, definitely, but he does well at hiding it. until you leave his office, that is.

F -> Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?)

not any time soon, as said earlier. seteth really will not stop his obligations towards the monastery and to fodlan. he wouldn’t have time nor would he want a very extravagant wedding, either. a simple ceremony would suffice.

G -> Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

physically, seteth is the epitome of a soft, romantic man. his touches make you melt and he’s always trying to keep you comfortable and happy. if you’re content, hes content.

emotionally, not as much. seteth has trouble sympathizing with some things. he’s used to pushing his feelings aside for the sake of fulfilling a duty or doing something, so he struggles sometimes to understand why someone else can’t do the same. give him time, though, and he’ll get better at comforting

H -> Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

seteth’s hugs are firm and warm. they’re always like a passionate embrace, as if it would be the last time he’d ever touch you

seteth really enjoys hugs and physical affection with you, but as i said earlier, it’s always behind closed doors. sometimes he calls you to his office just so you can sit in his lap while he holds you.

I -> I Love You (How fast do they say the L-word?)

NOT fast. seteth is kind of in denial that he even had feelings for you at first until flayn pointed it out, so it’s rather hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he loves you.

he does say it first though, as you’re half asleep, making you wonder if you even heard it correctly. you did.

J -> Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

seteth doesn’t get jealous, really. there’s really nobody around to even like, make him jealous. he knows that a bunch of weird ass teenagers like sylvain aren’t going to actually come in between his and your relationship. honestly, most people in the monastery probably don’t even know that you’re both in a relationship.

if he is jealous, he stays relatively nonchalant about it, asking you to help him with a task somewhere else to take you away from the person

K -> Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

seteth’s kisses are very loving and passionate. every single one of them are full of adoration, even the little pecks. they never fail to warm up your entire body as everything melts away around you

he loves to kiss your neck. not just for more intimate reasons, but because he absolutely adores your giggles as his beard tickles your skin

this only happens when your relationship has been going on for a while, but seteth really enjoys it when you kiss his ears. they’re super sensitive and they always tinge as red as his cheeks when you kiss them.

L -> Little Ones (How are they around children?)

seteth is super good around his own child, of course, but he doesn’t so so hot around other children. theyre often too rambunctious for his liking, but he’ll tolerate them enough to entertain them sometimes.

M -> Mornings (How are mornings spent with them?)

three words. soft, soft, and soft

you usually either wake up in the same position that you fell asleep in, or you’re spooning. seteth’s always the big spoon, no acceptions. if you’re spooning, he kisses your shoulders and the back of your head until you wake up enough to turn over and give him an actual kiss.

N -> Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

also soft, but a little less.

seteth is always so busy during the day that when he lays in bed, he falls asleep almost instantaneously. if you want to stay up and talk or cuddle, he’ll try his hardest, but please don’t be upset with him if he accidentally dozes off. he’s a hard worker

O -> Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait to reveal things slowly?)

this depends on who you are. if you’re the professor, you more than likely already know everything by the time you get in a relationship with him

if you’re not, then he trusts you enough to catch you up on most things in the early weeks of your relationship. sometimes there’s a little tidbit that he may have forgotten to mention in the talk that comes up later on, but that’s really it

P -> Patience (How easily angered are they?)

seteth has the patience of a saint

hehe

but no, literally. very rarely does he get irritated or impatient with you. you know how he is and know how he likes things to happen or be done, so you do them. kind of like in the Domestic headcanon, he does his part so you try your hardest to do yours. he doesn’t ever have a reason to be impatient with you and is actually rather understanding now that he knows how you function as well

Q -> Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

seteth remembers everything. literally everything. you’d think in his 1000+ years of life, he’d be an old ass man with shit memory, but no. to seteth, you and flayn are his number one priority and he’d never forget a thing about yall.

R -> Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

seteth’s favorite memory is when he accidentally walked in on you hanging out flayn. you two weren’t doing much other than reading and talking about your books, but it warmed his heart to see his two favorite people bonding

S -> Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

insanely protective, but like in things that matter. if you’re doing something that could get you hurt, he’s in defense mode trying to get you to safety. if you’re in battle, he’s sure to always know where you are just in case.

he’s not one to appreciate being protected- he feels like he failed to protect his people in the past, so to be the protected instead of the protector makes him a little iffy- but he’ll always admit that he needed the protection and will always show his gratitude

count how many times i said protect in that second paragraph wow

T -> Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, etc?)

seteth is romantic. he’s not much for physical gifts, but the memories and sentiment and feelings are so real and present that you really don’t need material things to know that he loves you

of course he does give you gifts, like a pretty bouquet of flowers that he saw in the greenhouse, or a necklace or something from the market that reminded him of you

U -> Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

seteth tends to forget to slow down and take a break every once in a while. he’s constantly finding tasks to do around the monastery and doing things to help rhea that he often neglects his own well being. you always remind him and try your best to help him out, but he never really breaks that habit

V -> Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks? Do your looks bother them?)

seteth is rather concerned about how he’s seen in the public eye. how could he not? he’s a very prim and proper man. this, however, doesnt extend to you as much.

he doesn’t expect you to dress up to the nines every day just to be seen around him or whatever. he may be like “darling, are you sure you want to be walking around the monastery in your pajamas?” but the minute you’re like “hell yeah” he lets you be.

W -> Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

this is a tough one, because i feel like seteth would do just fine on his own and would still feel relatively whole. but there would always be like this tiny little sliver of him that constantly misses you when you’re not around

X -> Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

seteth has a secret, super playful side that only comes out when you’re alone in your shared bedroom. he likes to play wrestle you and mess around just to hear your laugh and see you smile.

Y -> Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, in general or in a partner?)

in a partner, seteth wouldn’t really like someone who’s obnoxiously loud and blatantly disrespectful. it’s one of his biggest pet peeves and he wouldn’t date someone like that.

this doesn’t pertain to people who like, don’t realize their volume or is disrespectful to someone who deserves the disrespect, though. he doesn’t like just overly rude and jnconfiderate people who are like that for no reason

Z -> Zzz (What’s a sleep habit of theirs? Does it change around a partner?)

seteth is the lightest sleeper in the history of the world. he’s always on guard for something to happen. i dont blame him, but sometimes even the littlest bumps in the night wake him up almost completely. don’t ever try to sneak out of bed because chances are, he woke up from you just opening your eyes.

if anything, this habit becomes even more prominent when you start sharing a bed with him. he’s just afraid of losing you is all 😃

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fire emblem x reader #fire emblem imagines #fire emblem three houses x reader #x reader #fire emblem three houses imagines #headcanons #seteth #seteth x reader #seteth imagines #saint cichol #sfw alphabet #lay writes

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bausbitch · 4 years

Text

I'm sorry

Reid x reader

ANGST AHAHA

Req but @blankets-for-bees

Warnings: kidnapping, established relationship, gunshot, Spencer being an ass at first, also this IS NOT really funny as my other works //read: I'll try because I'm just such a naturally good comedian,,,or a mental asylum escapee,,// 🤩 OH and a happy ending

Spencer had been,,,,

Awfully cold to you

For the last 6 months

Yeah, it was beginning to get on your nerves

It felt like living with a whole ghost 👻

And it wasn't like it was his work

You two had the same job for fucks sake

You even shared a home

But lately

Spencer would ONLY talk to you at work

And only when it was life or death

So basically when hotch paired you two up

And omg

The team

They had no idea

So they insisted you two sleep in the same room on this case

Bc you two are their fav couple!!!!!

But they didn't know that for the last six months

You were practically single

Except you couldn't go anywhere

And you wouldn't go out to flirt with people

Because you were a good s/o

*cough* unlike Spencer *cough*

Ok so this usub

The universe said

Fuck you, yn yln 🤩🤪🤡

This particular unsub

Kidnapped failing couples

And threw them in a house

A giant doll house

And sedated them

And played with them like dolls

And made them kiss and stuff

Idk how to explain it

Like when you were little

And you didn't know you really LIKED liked girls

But you were always making your Frankie and ghoulia monster high dolls kiss in the first grade????

Or like

I think it's like ep 12 season 5

My best friend and I watched that one

Sigh

I miss her

Anyways

When you finally moved rooms

You walked in

And it felt like the weight of the world was lifted

Off of your shoulders

Don't worry the world is still pretty heavy

Issok though the world doesn't have to be a skinny legend

WAIT

This is supposed to be an angst

AHEM

Angsty angst angst

So you were like

Hell yeah

I'm gonna go chill in the jacuzzi

Then I'm gonna come back

And I'm gonna have a level head

Key words: come back

See, I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man

Okokok

So you were vibing in the jacuzzi

Then you saw Spencer

And

Gasp!

A woman that didn't look like any of the girls on the team was going into his room!!

You knew

You were being irrational

But you were like

Son of a bitch >:(

Alexa play jealousy by Monsta x

Anny. W. Ays

You went into the room

Or at least you knocked

And gasp

She answered

She seemed,,,

Suspicious

Probably bc she's the unsub yn you dumb bitch

And you were like

"Hey is Spencer in there?"

Like you WEREN'T his h*cking gf

And she straight up

PUNCHES YOU

Ok more like

Knocks you out with a blow to the face

And draws you inside

Ok now Spencers pov bc you're getting too much attention and he needs an explanation for making me play jealousy

Spencer

Oh god that I don't believe in how do I explain him

He was having a tough time

Ok wbk he's smart as hell

But when I comes to people who are FINE

Such as yourself

He gets a lil

*Patrick star from Spongebob noises*

Even if you guys had literally been dating for like

Five? Six? Years

He was starting to get scared

Ok so you guys had said the L world

You said it all the time

But

Spencer

He wanted to propose to you

On one knee

Ring and everything

But he was scared

He was really really scared

Bc he wouldn't know what to do if you said no

Which

Why would you

You two were practically already married

You literally had a drunken, unofficial ceremony at Rossi's place one time

But he felt like

You wouldn't be ready

So he was like

Ok gotta set up a back up plan

If they reject me

And I have to go to work and see them

How do I not see them

How do I live without them?

I ignore them

😌

Plan: set

Spencer : fucking idiot

SO HE

He acted like you weren't there

And he eventually thought you were mad at him

Bc you weren't reaching out any more

Dumb bitch they think YOU'RE mad at them

Okokokok

Back to kidnapping

When he woke up

He was,,,,

*drum roll*

In a house?

A really nice house

Or at least the bedroom was nice

Or the roof of it

And what he could see from his peripheral vision

He could see you though

He could feel you

You were laying on his chest

Your arms around him

And he could tell you were still asleep

His serotonin levels went up higher than they had in months

Over the last six months he hadn't said a word

And he'd let you sleep on the couch

Smh and I thought he was a genius

But he missed you

But he had to make sure he was ready

To be honest

He probably knew what he was doing was irrational and the definition of idiotic

He also knew that by doing this he was maximising his chances of you not wanting to marry him

But he just

"Y'all hear smth?" -Spencer Reid, about his problems

Annie Oakley

Anyways

While he was too busy making heart eyes at your sleeping figure

Ya boy forgot to check if he could move

Turns out,,,,

He couldn't

Bc,,,,

*puts hands together like cat in the hat does*

This unsub, like I said before

SEDATED YOU TWO

So he waited

Until

The woman he unwillingly let into his hotel room, all by the service of a gun and a threat to his life 😄

Came and did whatever the fuck she was gonna do

Play with you guys more than my 6th grade crush played with my heart

And she did😋🥳🤩!!!!

But don't fret

She wasn't gonna hurt you

You had actually concluded the deaths were accidental

Just like me

Okoko so

She was strong

Like really fucking strong

Because she hauled both you and Spence

Into a little dining room

And served and fed you breakfast

You were connected to iv tubes

But still

But everything

The creepiest detail

According to me at least 💁✨

Was how all the food and everything

Were wood

Toys for kids

Or something karuna satori would use in an asmr video

You woke up in the middle of,,,

Watching a movie on the couch with Spencer????

It was still daytime

Or so you thought

Bc the unsub pulled up

WITH A GUN

You don't have many things in life rn, but here's a list if things you do have, to cheer you up 😋

A lovely hole in your arm! V v useful for holding very small, thin, cups!!!

A v sad Spencer Reid! Comes with his own tears and despair!!! How fun!

And last but not least!

A wonderful speech from our sponsor!! //read: the unsub//

"Why must everything bad always happen to me! You two are very bad dolls! No one is a good doll, you're all useless and now I have to kill you >:("

Lmfao why does she sound like my bratty baby cousin

Anyways

"The FBI is at the door! Which one of you called them? You whore! It was probably you!"

First of all,,, how dare she

You didn't even THINK about other men in the 6 months your boyFRIEND ghosted you

Jokes on her

Second of all

You were bleeding out and Spencer was wiggling behind you

Probably a victory dance smh 😤

But then

GASP!!!

she went upstairs 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

And you heard voices

Morgan!!! Hotch!!! *insert police's name*!!

Then you passed out bc

💥bloodloss💥

And when you woke up

Spencer was fine

Physically

But he was hunched over

"Yn I'm so sorry. I love you so much and I was so scared I'd lose you if I proposed too early, and now I'm probably going to lose you without even saying a word. Honey I love you, I love you so much-"

And you were like

Hold up

LET GO OF MY HAND MF YOU MAY BE SKINNY BUT YOUR STRONG WTF

Then

"Did you say purpose?"

And he was like

"Yes(?) "

And you kissed him for the first time in sixth months

"Yes I'll marry, now let go of my hand"

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #aaron hotch hotchner #agent hotchner #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #jj #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x oc

184 notes · View notes

generallybarzy · 4 years

Text

smile like sunshine iv

Tuesday: ~ 7.9k I’M SO SORRY

previous chapters: i // ii // iii

an: I HAD WRITERS BLOCK BUT THEN IT ALL HIT ME AT ONCE. I thought it was gonna be a short filler chapter but.... 7.9k words later here we are... I realized that I probably should’ve given mc a real name and stuff because it’s so specific about certain details, but it’s too late to change that, so we’ll all have to deal with it unfortunately. Also, from here on out there is a warning for nsfw thoughts! Anyway, enjoy! @thirteenisles!!

summary: Much, much different from yesterday, today is the yearly fishing trip, so you and Mat are- unfortunately- apart for a good part of the day. Mat and your father come to a silent agreement and you look for a distraction in an old flame to keep you from falling more in love with your friend. Mat doesn’t like sharing this place in your mind with anyone else...

It’s the summer of ‘19, eleven years after you first met Mat, and things are bound to be a little different this time around.

You woke up the next day with a smile on your face, giddy and excited before you even opened your eyes. You had fallen asleep happy and tired and full of warmth the night before, cuddled up against Mat’s side as he drove back to the beach house. He only woke you with soft whispers when it was time to undress for bed; you woke up in his arms realizing he had carried you all the way from the car to your room. So, your mind raced with images of Mat- his smile, his laughter, his eyes, his body- it was all overwhelming enough to stir up passionate dreams about him. Dreams about his skin against yours, weightless in the water, his big hands on you, his body hovering over top of yours, his dark hair falling into his eyes as he moved on top of you...

Rolling over in bed and trying to control yourself, you opened your phone and went into your gallery, into the folder of all your pictures of Mat from yesterday that you would continue to fill throughout the week.

And though you’d only been apart from him for the eight hours of sleep, you needed to see him in person.

Mat was in the room across the hall, drifting in and out of sleep with a smile on his face as he thought back to yesterday. He reached over to the bedside table so he could scroll through his own phone. You had asked him yesterday to take a picture of you for your Instagram, posing for him and smiling with the ocean in the background, and he couldn’t look away from them. You looked so good yesterday in that little bikini, all spread out on the paddleboard and soaking up the sunlight, and, as much as he wanted to keep his head out of the gutters around you, there was just something about you. If only you knew the effect you had on him.

“Kids, get up! We’ve got a lot planned for today!”

He jumped, hearing your mother’s voice in the hall outside your rooms, and sat up a little bit more in bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He had to admit, this trip would be a little bit more fun if your family wasn’t here as well; if every day could be like yesterday. But hoping to be alone with you for every second of the day was a fantasy, and he knew it. He was still technically intruding on your family vacation.

There was a knock at his door, and for a horrible moment, he thought it was one of your parents before your voice sounded from the other side. “Mat? It’s me.”

“Yeah, come in.” If only he was ready for what he was about to see. Yeah, he saw you in a bikini yesterday, but this was just as good… You walked into his room in a little tank top and booty shorts, what you had slept in, your messy hair thrown up in a bun. He didn’t want to stare too much, but were you braless? Yeah, you definitely were. He shuffled around under the sheets, making sure you wouldn’t be able to see what you were doing to him. He was lucky you knocked first, or who knows what he could’ve been doing?

Seeing Mat lying in bed was… a sight. His dark hair was haloing around his head on the pillow, he was tangled in the white sheets, and half of his upper chest and arms were exposed and already looking beautifully tanned. “You’ll never guess what today is.”

Mat ran a hand through his hair and let out a puff of air. “Your birthday’s tomorrow, so I have no idea.”

“It’s the family fishing trip! Remember that?”

Oh, he remembers it. He remembers going out onto the water in a rented boat with his dad and yours, watching in amazement at the huge fish they caught in the ocean. He remembers playing with you on the little dock, daring you to jump from it and into the ocean. Of course, your parents always stopped you from doing that. “No way, you still do that?”

“Yup, it’s tradition.”

“The same place every year?”

“Same place.”

“Maybe this year you won’t be too afraid to jump off the dock.” He smirked, and it was a sight that flooded heat all the way through your body.

“Shut up, Mat! I wasn’t afraid to, my parents just never let me!” He laughed at that, sitting up and letting the sheets fall off his bare chest. “And you know that, too! You just love to get on my nerves.” Oh, that was only one of many things he’d love to do to you.

“Maybe. But you brought me on this trip anyway.”

“Don’t make me regret that, Maty.” You swatted his bare leg away from you as he stretched out in bed, and he couldn’t help but smile at the touch. “Get up, we gotta get ready for today. I’ve got a feeling it’s gonna be pretty fun.” And when you turned and left, Mat had to bite his lip to hold back any reaction to the way your legs looked in those shorts. He tossed his head back to his pillow and stared up at the ceiling.

Yeah, today was gonna be fun.

Back when you and Mat first met, your parents and his immediately got along. He had begged and begged his parents to talk to yours and let him go along on the family fishing trip, mostly because you had cried to him and told him you didn’t want to be alone. Of course, they had to go meet your parents first and come along, but when they finally agreed that Mat could come along, you were over the moon.

Since you reconnected almost a year ago, Mat had told his parents about you. He called them the day after you approached him in the bar, when he went out to lunch with you to talk, the moment he knew he was going to try and befriend you again. He was excited when he called them, asking in a frenzy if they still remembered that girl he hung out with the summer of 2008. Of course, they remembered her, they had told him, she was the first crush he ever had. "Oh, your first girlfriend!" his mom had exclaimed. "Mom!" Flustered, Mat shook off those words. No, you were nothing more than friends.

That’s what he had thought, anyway, up until a few months ago.

Now, after being alone with you yesterday, he knew: this was much more than friendship.

The place your dad went to go fishing every year was a cute empty spot of beach, with deep water and a small dock where you and your siblings and friends always used to play. Where you used to play with Mat, that summer, when he dared you to jump in but you were too scared. Where you continued to come back to years after until Mat was just a fading memory and your parents urged you to meet new friends. And where, years later, you had your first kiss, with some random boy you met three days before and who you thought was cute.

“This is where it all began.” You spread your arms wide in a flourish, presenting the dock to Mat when you arrived. He glanced around- yes, this was where it all began.

“It definitely looks a lot smaller than when we were kids.”

“Yeah, probably because we grew up.”

“Aww, if we grew up does that mean I can’t push you in anymore?”

“Don’t even think about it, Barzal.” Before Mat had the chance to even try to push you in, you were cut off by the sound of an approaching boat out on the water. “Bet, Mat. Wanna push me into the water in front of my dad? I dare you.” He smiled and held up his hands in surrender. Usually, your dad took your brother along with him, but this year it seemed he had other plans.

“You like to fish, Mathew?”

“Uh,” he glanced at you for help, obviously not yet sure how to talk to your dad.

“Yeah, he’s pretty good at fishing.”

“Great! Hop on. We’ll have some one-on-one time.”

“Okay, cool.” The moment he turned away, Mat whispered to you: “He’s going to throw me off the boat.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Mat. He doesn’t hate you. You’ll probably just talk about fish or sports.”

“But don’t you want me here with you?”

“I’ll be fine alone for a bit.”

Mat couldn’t lie- he wasn’t the happiest at how this day was gonna pan out. He wanted one-on-one time with you, not your dad. They had already had that talk at the motel when he ever so kindly told him not to make a move on his daughter, so he wasn’t sure what else could happen. But if this is what he had to go through to get on your dad’s good side, he was gonna try his hardest. So here he sat, kinda awkwardly, next to him, a fishing rod in his hands.

“So, Mathew, You were gone with (Y/N) yesterday...”

“Uhh, yeah.”

“What’d the two of you do?”

He was at a loss for words. What could he say? “Oh, just uhh, took a drive down to another beach, had lunch.”

“Hmm. But you didn’t try anything?”

“No, no nothing!”

“I hope not. Otherwise, we’d really have a problem.” Mat couldn’t find a way to respond to that. As much as he wanted to make a move, he knew here wasn’t the ideal place to do it. No, he’d wait until he wasn’t sharing a roof with your father. “Mathew, I still remember what you said at the motel.” Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Of course, he did. “But you understand where I’m coming from, don’t you?”

“I- I‘m not sure.”

“You seem like an… okay, guy. A good friend to her. But I’ve seen plenty of guys who seemed okay and ended up breaking her heart. I won’t let that happen again.” Mat wanted to tell him that it wasn’t up to him to decide who his daughter could date, but he knew that that might be the dumbest possible thing to say, so he held his tongue. “I know what young, professional athletes are like. While I respect the sport, you’re not the type of guy I want my daughter with.” He didn’t like the idea that you’d had your heart broken before. He never wanted to do that to you, and your father just had a way of making him doubt himself.

“I understand.” Mat’s eyes drifted to where you stood down on the sand, barely able to make out your form from this distance, as he wondered what you were doing.

You were collecting shells, walking side by side with your sister, and catching up with a little bit of girl talk.

“Sooo, this Mat guy?”

“Yeah?” You couldn’t help the smile that was pulling onto your face at just the sound of his name. “What about him?”

“Well, he’s an NHL player, first of all.”

“He’s a lot more than that.” And he was. It may sound strange to others, but he meant everything to you. Ever since that summer where he had been your refuge, he’d been the one you thought about to calm down. He’d been your happy memory. He’d been the dream you could only hope you never forgot. And he became so much more in the past few months. It was a little weird at first when your roommate teased you about your “summer romance” with this boy you didn’t even know, but suddenly you didn’t want to deny it. Maybe this time around, you would come back with an even better story than before.

“Yeah. He’s also pretty hot.”

“Trust me, I know.” You weren’t shallow, but yeah, the cherry on top was how attractive he just happened to be.

“What are you two? Friends? Maybe moooore?”

“No, no, no, just friends.” Your answer was quick- almost too quick- as if you were trying to cover something up. A silence fell between you and you realized just how in denial you sounded. “But he just means a lot to me, ya know? You heard the story about how we met, right? Mom’s obsessed with telling it.”

“Yeah, of course. If you ask me, kinda sounds like looooove.”

“Shut up.”

“Seriously, if this were a movie, I’d watch the shit out of it. Imagine the ratings a plot like that would get! It’s like a teen summer romance but... wholesome and cute! I’m sure everyone has a childhood friend they became separated from. Imagine reading this summary: A boy and girl meet and become best friends only to be separated after one summer of romance-”

“Ew, don’t say romance! We were like, ten.”

“-After a summer of almost-romance where they were obviously in love even if their little brains couldn’t comprehend it. They reconnect years later, only to realize what they felt all those years ago was much more than friendship.”

You laughed, but couldn’t help imagining how that story would end. What was your sister, a psychic? “Okay, that’s not quite how it goes, but can we just… stop talking about him? It’s weird.” For the last few months, there had been a weird feeling in your chest whenever you discussed your relationship with Mat. Okay, maybe- just maybe- you had a little crush. A tiny crush. Nothing that meant anything, nothing that wouldn’t be easy to get over. It sucked to have a crush on one of your best friends, to have a crush on the boy you brought along on this trip to use as a distraction from everything else.

You glanced out to where you could barely see Mat’s figure on the boat with your father. His features were indistinguishable, but you could see the outline of his body and the dark swoop of hair on his head standing out against the blue sky. It wasn’t like Mat was interested in you at all, he was an NHL player, a star at that. He probably had countless girl’s numbers lined up in his contacts that he could date at any given moment, there’s no way he’d settle for a childhood friend he’d only known for a year. Just because he came on this trip with you and promised to be your distraction, didn’t mean he liked you like that. No, if anything, he was here for nostalgia- for looking back on that summer when you were carefree children- not because he had any type of romantic feelings for you. Not because he loved you. Yet, despite this, you couldn’t seem to control yourself around him.

You desperately needed a distraction from Mat, or else you’d end up doing something you couldn’t come back from.

You dropped your gaze to the sand to look for any pretty, unbroken shells hiding among the piles beneath your feet. The tide had come in high earlier this morning, leaving behind a mess of little shards of broken shells and rocks. Maybe, if you were lucky, you’d find one that was whole.

“Ooh, look at this one!” Your sister held up a pretty shell, still in one piece, colored all the shades of a sunset.

“Oh, man that’s pretty! I wish I could’ve found one that nice.”

“Don’t look too hard. It was right in front of you the whole time.”

You walked silently, pondering over her words, and searching for something better when a third voice spoke up from a little distance in front of you.

“No way, (Y/N)?”

It was a voice you’d never thought you’d hear again, but when you looked up towards it, you realized this trip might just get a lot more interesting. Your sister nudged you and made her exit, knowing exactly who this was and wanting to give you alone time with him.

Maybe this was exactly what you needed to take your mind off of Mat.

Back in 2008, when you were only ten years old, you thought the world of Mat. You thought he was the coolest person you knew, at the beach or at home. He was your closest friend, but for some reason, neither of your young brains realized that you should get each other’s parent’s phone numbers or addresses so you could keep in touch. You left the beach that year with nothing on your mind but Mat, and your parent’s loved to tease you to this day that he was the only person you talked about for months. When next summer rolled around, you were pouty and angry that he was nowhere to be found. And that continued for years to come.

Slowly, over the years you went on family vacations in that same house, you began, with your parent’s urging, to try and push your memories of Mat to the back of your mind and make new friends with the local kids your age. And slowly, you began to forget about Mat. Or, that’s how you thought it would happen. Sure, there were times you went without thinking of him for a while, but something would always end up reminding you of him. But you pushed it aside. He’s long gone, you’d told yourself, no point in dwelling on the past. None of your new friends could compare to the fun Mat had been, but they were great friends, and now you were young teenagers having fun, getting into trouble together, and experiencing all your firsts together.

This guy- Kyle- was one of those firsts.

The summer you turned seventeen, there was a new guy among your beachy friend-group. He was your age, and he could already drive, and that made his curly, blonde, surfer boy look even more attractive to all the girls who knew him. As much as you hated to admit today, you weren’t an exception. Yeah, you thought he was cute. No, there wasn’t much about him beyond that, as shallow as it was, but at least he had seemed to care about you that night when he walked you away from the other teens, partying and drinking and walked you out to the dock and kissed you under the stars. He had said all the right things that night, and a few nights later, and later, and later.

You went that whole summer thinking that the two of you were together, but apparently, you’d missed the memo that he was seeing other girls, too. He’d promised he didn’t mean to hurt you but learning that it wasn’t the two of you, learning that he was with other girls too and the whole summer had been a lie made your self-esteem plummet. It hurt like hell, being your first heartbreak, and it was the worst possible way to end a beach trip tradition.

But he wasn’t a bad guy, not really. He was a young, stupid, teenage boy, right? And he said he didn’t mean to hurt you. No reason to hate him.

Now, almost exactly four years since you met him, he walked next to you down the beach as you combed for shells, a quietness settling over you. It wasn't a comfortable silence like with Mat, but something uneasy, something tense and awkward. Why was he here? Was it appropriate to just… walk up to your ex and start chatting like old friends? Maybe he was just trying to be civil, courteous- if that’s what this was, you… hesitantly respected that. It probably took as much courage as when you approached Mat for the first time- both times. But, if he was looking for something more…

“So, you been dating at all?”

“Sure I have. I mean, it’s been...almost four years?” Truthfully, you’ve barely been dating. Nothing serious, at least. But you knew it would sound so sad if he was the last “serious” relationship you had.

“You disappeared after what happened between us. For four years. I thought maybe you couldn’t face me afterward or something.”

“No.” You bit your tongue, not really wanting to bring up old bad blood or reopen old scars. “Life just got in the way. After that year I had a job, then I was moving out, going to college. Just didn’t have time to come down anymore.”

“That sucks. We’ve all really missed you down here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He smiled, dropping an arm around your shoulder. You knew he didn’t mean it in a romantic way, it was such a thing he would do, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before. “We’re actually having a party on Friday. Think you can make it?” Could you make it? It was going to be the night before you had to leave, your last night on the beach, and as much as you wanted to do something alone with Mat, you knew it was inappropriate to cling on him as if he was something more than a friend. As if he was yours. But you needed to take a step back before you did something you couldn’t take back.

Maybe this was the perfect distraction from Mat.

“I’ll be there.”

After their first discussion, Mat had fallen in and out of uncomfortable small talk with your father for what felt like hours. And now, as they got ready to head back to shore for a quick lunch, he could confirm that he was one hundred percent still not on his good side. It seemed like no matter what he tried, your father didn’t want anything to do with him. Maybe it was best this way, indifference is better than hate, isn’t it?

“Shit...”

“Huh?” Mat looked up when your father swore next to him. He was glaring up the shoreline as they approached the dock, out to where you were. And then he noticed, with a jolt to his heart, that you weren’t alone out there. Standing next to you in the sand was a generic-looking douchebag surfer dude. He was standing way, way too close to you for his comfort, with an arm thrown over your shoulders like you were old buddies. “Who’s that?”

“It’s not really any of your business, is it?” He glanced over and, for a moment, Mat regretted asking anything, not wanting to stir up any drama. “But... seeing as you’re here as her friend, maybe you can talk some sense into her.”

“About what?”

“It’s not my place to tell you about her private stuff but… that boy. Trouble.” He shook his head, preparing to dock the boat. “Mathew, I don’t dislike you. You mean a lot to (Y/N) as a friend, and I don’t want you to ruin that. If things didn’t work out between you two, she would be devastated. I’ve seen her heartbroken, but if it was because of you, it’d be so much worse. She could barely function without you after that summer, so if things ended completely between you two...”

Mat couldn’t help but smile when your father said he didn’t dislike him. That was a start, at least. But the thought of you having your heart broken was something he didn’t want to think about. The thought you being heartbroken because of him was something he didn’t want to think about. “I know.” And he did. He understood because he would feel the same way. If things went awkward and sour between the two of you, he would hate himself. He would be lost. Reconnecting after ten years and then losing you all together would hurt even more than if he’d never found you- if you were still only a fond memory he thought back to. If he lost you, he wouldn’t even know what to do. He needed you.

“But, that being said, you’re better than any other guy she’s cared about. Especially that boy. I respect that.” He stepped onto the dock and cast one look back at him. “Look out for her this week. As a friend.”

“I will.”

“Starting now.” He motioned down the beach where you stood with the boy, his arm around you, pulling you much too close to his body.

It felt good to know that at least your father didn’t hate him. He respected him, even. It felt good to know that both men had the same ideas when it came to your safety and were able to come to a silent agreement. And if all they could bond over was their need to protect you, he could take that. Because you were all that mattered to him.

He all but jogged down the beach to you, his heart throbbing at the sight of you smiling and laughing with someone other than him. His blood boiled. He hated that you were so familiar and comfortable with this guy, but he took comfort in the fact that your dad felt the same way, that at least they were on the same page about that. What could he be saying that was making you this happy? Who could he be who was stealing your attention away from him? That should be him, with his arm around you, making your eyes sparkle in laughter. What was this tightening feeling in his chest?

Why was Mat so jealous of him?

“Who’s this?”

You looked up from where you were practically hanging on the blonde boy’s arm and met eyes with Mat. Your Mat, your best friend. The man you were trying to forget about. And you had forgotten about him for a few minutes, falling back into the memory of your summer romance at seventeen instead of thinking of Mat, with his pretty dark swoops of hair and high cheekbones, those shimmering hazel eyes and that dazzling smile… and the fact that he was shirtless and shining all pretty and golden in the sunlight. The way he made you laugh until there were tears in your eyes and your sides ached, the way he made your heart pound erratically when he hugged you and when he threw his arm over your shoulders.

And suddenly you realized your ex couldn’t compare to Mat at all, no matter how much you needed a distraction.

“Mat, this is Kyle. Kyle, this is my friend, Mat.”

“Hey.” The other guy spoke up, and somehow, he sounded exactly like Mat expected him to sound. Like a fucking douchebag.

“Hey.” Mat couldn’t hide how unenthusiastic he was when he greeted the man, and you noticed. It was awkward, you were sandwiched between two shirtless men, one your ex- who you were trying to use as a distraction- and one your best friend- who you were hopelessly crushing on and needed a distraction from- and all three of you waited and waited until Mat finally spoke up. “So, how do you know each other?”

“We, uhh, we dated when we were younger.”

“Oh?” Mat wasn’t a fan of the way his heart ached when those words left your lips. Of course, you had other boyfriends, you were stunning, borderline perfect. Everyone must want you. You’re not mine, you’re not mine, I know. “You did?”

“Yeah, actually…” Kyle tossed his curly hair out of his face and had Mat rolling his eyes. “We met down here a few years ago. And that dock over there?” He gestured vaguely in the direction of the dock, pulling you against him. “First kiss.” Mat’s muscles tensed, his jaw went tight and his fists closed- he hated the idea that this dock was anyone else’s special place with you. Okay, maybe it was a bit selfish, but he thought this was just a little secret between the two of you, and then this guy had to show up and ruin it? “Best first kiss a girl could get, huh?” He looked at you with a cheeky, smirk...

...But it wasn’t as cute as Mat’s.

“Yeah, it was good.”

Mat knew it was stupid and unrealistic of him to think he’d always had you all to himself. You’d only known each other for that one summer, and had been separated for ten years, so of course, you eventually found someone other than him. But he couldn’t deny how much it pained his heart to know that somebody else had been closer to you than he had. To know that someone else had taken his place. To know that you weren’t even his to begin with. This guy had held you, kissed you, taken Mat off of your mind, and Mat hated how it felt to know that. “Cool, cool. Well, I think it’s time to head back for lunch, (y/n).”

“Ah, shit, really?” he pulled you tight against him in a quick side hug and kissed the top of your head. Part of you wished, for a moment, that he was Mat instead. “See ya. Remember, Friday!”

“Yep, Friday!”

Mat couldn’t help but roll his eyes again, watching him leave. He came on this trip with you and you were ditching him for your ex? Shit, it was so tough being just your friend. “What’s Friday?” His voice came out more strained and forced than he wanted it to.

“A party with my old friends.”

“You’re going?”

“Yeah, they’re my friends, so why not?” Mat couldn’t help but feel a little bit betrayed, but he knew this was your vacation, and you were kind enough to invite him along, so he couldn’t tell you what you could and couldn’t do. Just friends, just friends, just friends, he told himself.

“Well, I still get you to myself tomorrow, right? For your birthday?”

“Of course you do. Why, are you planning something?”

“Duh, what else is a best friend for?” He pulled you against him to walk down the beach and you smiled at the familiar scent of him, the familiar warmth of his body. Being in his arms was so much better than being in Kyle’s arms. He shrugged, sucking up his pride to tease you about your ex-boyfriend. “Sooo... you and surfer dude, huh? Didn’t know you were into that type.” He laughed again, nudging you with his elbow and smirking.

His smirk was a lot cuter than your ex’s.

“Shut up!” You laughed at the teasing lilt in his voice. There was your Mat, happy and smiling. His heart lit up again. Yeah, he could make you laugh so much better than anyone else could. He would always take pride in that. “I know, I know, it’s embarrassing, but listen! We were only seventeen, he could drive already…”

“Ooh, sexy.”

“Mat!”

“I’m serious, the ability to drive is pretty hot, right?”

You laughed, “Mat! I get it, I get it, it was a dumb summer fling, okay? There actually isn’t much more to him personality-wise. He’s not better than you.”

“Of course he’s not.” As cocky as Mat played it off, he was really thankful. Thankful you still preferred him over your ex-boyfriend. Thankful he still held a special place in your head, in your heart, even, that no one else ever would. “I mean, have you seen me?”

“I have.” Your eyes skimmed the length of his body. You’d seen him, alright. “You wanna hit the waves before lunch?” You traced your fingers down his arm and grabbed his big hand in yours.

“How could I say no?”

So, with his hand in yours, you ran to the water, shedding the sheer cover-up you’d been wearing over your swimsuit and shrieking when the waves splashed up against you. As usual, Mat dared you to follow him out further than you would’ve like to have gone. The gleam in his eyes was something you weren’t unfamiliar with, the same gleam he got when he was beating you at a game or when you dared him to do something. He wasn’t one to back down until he won, and that was rubbing off on you. His confidence was rubbing off on you. Something about him made you feel so brave.

“I’m guessing you’re not gonna tell me what we’re doing tomorrow?

“Of course not. It’s a surprise. What type of friend would I be if I gave away the surprise?” He dodged the water you splashed towards him and half hopped, half swam backward in the water. You had wadded out to an area that was deep enough for neither of you to be able to stand very well, and as much as you hated being out here, you felt safe as long as Mat was next to you. He splashed you back in retaliation only to be immediately hit from behind by a wave, laughing the whole time he went down at the shriek you let out when he got your hair wet.

You laughed as he went under. “That’s what you get, Barzal!” After a few seconds without seeing him resurface, you started to worry, your breath caught in your throat. Should he have been up by now? Did he get the breath knocked out of him and couldn’t come up? Did he get pulled out further? “Mat? Mat, hey, where’d you go, buddy?” Your breath was shallow, your mind fuzzy, and your heartbeat quickened as you took a few strides forward, turning and glancing over the rippling surface of the water, trying to find any sign of him, any movement, any trace of his dark hair, but there was nothing.

Not until a pair of arms underwater grabbed your waist from behind and lifted you.

“Gotcha.”

He was still laughing, still teasing you, thinking he had just played a funny trick on you and you hadn’t been in the middle of freaking out and panicking that your best friend had probably drowned.

“Shit, Mat. Oh my god.” You turned in his arms and pulled yourself against him, cheeks warming up at the feeling of his wet, bare skin against yours, his muscles taut, and his skin slick beneath your fingertips. He’s okay, he’s safe, he’s alive. You brought your hands up around his shoulders, pushing black strands of wet hair out of his eyes as he continued to laugh. You smacked his shoulder, suddenly angry that he would even joke about drowning. You couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. “You’re a dick! That wasn’t funny!”

Mat must have noticed the way your nails were digging into the flesh of his biceps, holding him for dear life with an urgent look in your eyes because he stopped laughing almost immediately when he noticed your concern. “Hey, hey.” His voice dropped to the gentle, reassuring tone that always made you emotional. The voice he broke out when you got hurt and he was there as a friend to pick up the pieces. The same voice he’d used all those years ago when you started crying over a crab he had thrown at you. “Look, I’m fine.”

“But I didn’t know that two seconds ago!”

“I’m sorry. I was just messing around. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I know. I’m just glad you’re alive.” You took deep breaths, your head dropping to rest on his wet shoulder, your face pressed against the crook of his neck. It took you a few moments to understand how intimate this was: you were wrapped up together under the water, still in his arms with your feet listed off the sandy floor, pressed chest to chest with your arms wrapped over his shoulders. What you had intended to be a friendly hug became so much more when you were wet and weightless and almost bare, pressed against each other. You sighed and pulled back from him, dropping down to your feet but keeping your hands on his shoulders so stay still. He was your anchor out here. “You know, you don’t have to go pretending to drown just because you’re jealous of my ex and want my attention back.”

“What?” he scoffed, trying to play it off cool. Okay, maybe it was true that he was looking for a little bit of your attention, but he’d never admit that. Friends don’t get jealous of their friend’s ex-boyfriends. “I’m not jealous.”

“Really? You didn’t seem like your friendly self when you were talking to him. And your eyes look pretty green right now, so I’d say that’s probably because of the green monster.” You teased, poking at his face.

“He’s your ex, do you want me to treat him like a friend?”

“Well, he was also my friend, so you don’t need to be so hostile towards him. But I get it. It’s okay to be jealous. I get jealous of your friends, sometimes.”

“You do? Why?”

“They’ve gotten to spend more time with you than I did. They probably mean a lot more. You have friends you’ve known for years, and I’m not one of them. We only knew each other that summer and then this past year. I wish we would’ve been friends longer.”

“You don’t have to be jealous of them, though. I actually feel like we’ve known each other since then. I thought back to you a lot, wondering what you were up to...”

“Probably thinking of you.” You smiled, your heart swelling at the thought that between growing up and getting into the NHL, Mat still thought of you every now and then. “I feel so lucky to have found you” You closed your mouth, letting your words settle in the air between the two of you. “You don’t have to be jealous either. Kyle wasn’t that great. Not cooler than our time together.”

“No?” He added a chuckle to try and lighten the mood. “I thought he was the cool kid who could drive?”

“No.” You dropped your gaze to the ocean, turning away from Mat. “We may have had a little… romance thing, but he cheated on me.” Mat’s eyes went soft, his eyebrows furrowing up at the idea of you having your heart broken like that. He knew much too well what it felt like to be lied to and cheated on, so to imagine you suffering through that without him there to help pick up the pieces for you was too much. “Well, no,” You shook your head. “I guess he didn’t really cheat. Only kinda. It was just a summer fling to him, but I thought it was something more. I was just dumb and naive I guess.”

“Hey,” His hands lifted to your shoulders momentarily, turning you to look up at him. “That’s really shitty anyway. He hurt you.”

“Yeah. He did. And you'd never hurt me.” Your fingers, much without your permission, glided down the lengths of his wet arms to cover his hands with yours. “See? You don’t need to be jealous. You’re so much cooler. You mean more to me than he ever did. Nothing- no one- can ever top that summer. No one can ever top how much you mean to me. You're my friend.”

You both sat in uncomfortable silence, mutually hating that sentence. There was no way you were just friends. This wasn’t platonic at all. Friends didn’t cuddle each other in motel rooms; friends didn’t hold each other underwater; friends didn’t daydream about making out with each other; friends didn’t get jealous of their friend’s exes; friends didn’t have hot, wet dreams about each other almost every night; friends didn’t nearly kiss every single day. So were you really just friends?

"Yeah." As much as Mat hated being "the friend", he was going to try his hardest to live up to that if that's what you wanted from him. And even if that’s all he’d ever be, he would learn to accept it. It was better than not having you at all. "I might even be your best friend ever, right?"

"We'll see about that. You've got a lot of competition." He laughed with you. Oh, if only you know how much he didn't want to be your friend. If only he knew how much you wanted him to kiss you.

“Well, was that enough serious talk for today?”

“Yeah,” You huffed a sigh, brushing off the thoughts in your head. “I think it was.”

Your gaze dropped from those pretty hazel eyes, shimmering golden and green in the sunlight, across the immaculate structure of his cheekbones and jaw, right to his pretty pink lips. If only you could know what it felt like to have them against yours- would they be soft or rough?- to have his hot tongue in your mouth, his hands grabbing your waist, touching you all over, pulling you onto his lap. What you wouldn’t give to feel his mouth making it’s way down your body, leaving wet kisses and sucking on tender skin, leaving marks on your throat, your hips, the insides of your thighs. To feel his nose rub against you as his tongue dipped, lapped, caressed…

Mat watched you, the look in your eyes, all the walls about your past broken down, and at that very moment, he knew something. He would be your friend as long as you needed, he would be there for you to pick up the pieces and listen to your problems, he’d keep you safe, he’d do what a best friend should do. But, fuck. Fuck, he loved you. He loved you, he loved you, he loved you, and he wasn’t sure how long he could keep it to himself. This was so bad.

He broke apart from you, removing his hands from where they’d been resting on your shoulders under your own soft hands, taking a few strides back in the water, and trying to regain some platonic boundaries between the two of you. That was all you were, right? Friends.

“Woah, where are you running off too, Mat?” Your laugh rang in his ear, pretty and perfect, and you.

“I-” He gestured back to the shore. “I think lunch is ready onshore. I’m kinda hungry.”

“Alright.” You pressed your hand into his and his heart leaped at the simple affection. It’s not like you hadn’t held hands before, but this time it felt… different. “Let’s head back then, Maty.”

Damn it, you have me wrapped around your finger, babe.

The day passed much too quickly for either of your taste and before you knew it the sun was dipping low in the sky, signaling the end of your long day. You wanted to spend the rest of time here in the sun, your feet digging into the sandy bottom of the ocean with the waves splashing around you; you wanted to spend the rest of time wrapped up in each other’s arms, caught up in each other’s eyes, frozen in time as you held on for dear life in your own little bubble separate from the rest of the world; daydreaming about kissing and fingers running through each other’s hair. You wanted to spend the rest of time dreaming of holding each other without worrying that the other didn’t feel the same.

But it wasn’t quite over yet.

You were sitting alone on the dock, working away at braiding the bracelet you were finishing up for Mat when you heard footsteps behind you and looked up to find him, his hair sun-dried and fluffy in the breeze and a fresh drink in his hand. “Wow, that’s really coming along, huh?” His voice was a blanket of familiarity washing over you. You would never get tired of hearing it.

“Yeah, it is.” You smiled up at him. “When you want something hard enough, you really gotta work for it.” You reached up to grab his empty hand, wrapping the bracelet around his wrist to see how much more you had to get done. Your fingers lingered on his skin for a few moments longer than they should have, and you both noticed the delicate change in atmosphere before you pulled away completely.

“You mind if I join you here?”

“Anytime, Mat.”

So he sat down next to you, watching the colors fade from the sky and dipping his toes in the water with you and closing his eyes in pure bliss. You were both warm and smelled of saltwater and sunscreen, your breath tasting of the lemonade you had had after dinner, and whatever alcoholic drink Mat was currently sipping on; your cheeks and nose were still slightly rosy from the sun, faces hurting from smiling and laughing too much with him. If this wasn’t the perfect recreation of your first family trip with him all those years ago, you weren’t sure what was.

Everything was soft and quiet until Mat spoke up from next to you. “You know, sunsets on the east coast aren’t that cool.”

“Ouch!” You mocked offense, bringing a hand to your heart. ”Wow, I invite you on this vacation with me and all you can do is insult it? I’ll rethink ever bringing you back.” He threw his head back in a cackle- the one you loved so much.

“No, I just mean… it’s cooler seeing the sunset over the ocean, don’t you think?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know, don’t really wanna inflate your ego any more.”

He chuckled a bit more, always a welcomed sound in your ears. “Guess I gotta take you out west then, try to convince you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. I’ll take you to Vancouver with me when I go home. We can head to the beach from there. My mom would love to meet you.”

“You told your parents about me?”

“Of course. I told them all about you after we caught up. They remember you, they even still have pictures of us somewhere. They’d love you.”

There was something about that moment... He was shirtless, the sun was going down behind him and casting a pretty halo around his head, his eyes held yours intensely, with unanswered questions. You tried to ignore the way his skin glistened in the light, the way his thick thighs were spreading out deliciously as he sat, the way you were sitting so close to him that the outside of your bare thigh was touching his, the way you were leaning back on your hands with your pinky loosely tangled with his. There was something about that moment, talking about his family and how much they’d love to meet you, how there are still pictures floating around of you and Mat as children, of the one summer that changed everything for you. There was something about that moment that almost had you leaning in.

“Kids, we’re heading home!”

You turned away from him quickly, scooting your leg away and pulling your hand from his. Maybe hearing your mother’s voice was what pulled you back into reality. You couldn’t kiss him. Not now.

“Yeah, yeah!!” You pulled yourself up off the dock, extending a hand to help Mat up, and smiling when his big palm touched yours, warm and soft. “We’re coming!”

This wasn’t how you wanted the day to end, but maybe it was for the best.

You could break the boundaries of friendship, push the limits to your relationship with Mat, stick your toe in and test the waters, but was it worth it? Maybe you should just try to avoid your feelings for him. Maybe it would be best to suffer in silence for the rest of your life. Shove those feelings down inside of you and swallow your words only to spend your nights dreaming of how it would feel to sleep next to him, to roll over into his arms. Maybe it was best to love him from afar. Rather that than ruin what was an amazing friendship.

Right?

#smile like sunshine #mat barzal #op #fic #mathew barzal #imagine #mat barzal imagine #fanfiction #nhl fanfiction #nhl fic #nhl writing #I'M VERY PROUD OF THIS!!!!#LIKE SO PROUD #ITS THE LONGEST THING IVE WRITTEN TO DATE #the entire fic is up to 29k i think #its 2am now bedtime

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itsleah728 · 4 years

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Perfect~ Julian x Reader

A/n: PLEASE READ! Hello everyone, I took a bit of a break for the holidays and such. I also have been quite down in the dumps, I get sad over dumb things like getting a zit or not liking what I create. I wanted to write this story to show that no matter what you do or how you look you’re not alone and there is someone waiting out there for you. That person may either be a friend or a lover but either way you’ll never be alone. Now I’m only young and haven’t truly experienced life yet, I’ve never even been in love only minor crushes but that’s a different story. Anyways I also wanted to write this because I wanted to try getting my love for life back you know? I haven’t even been creating art lately which is horrible because I love making art. Well if you read that whole thing thank you but it’s fine if you didn’t. Now onto the actual story which may be shorter than normal.

READERS POV. (1st person) I know I normally do 2nd person but I didn’t want to say “you” knowing that not everyone is experiencing things like this.

WARNING: This story shows self esteem issues and a fear of being alone!

Julian has been out working for a while now, which for me is never a good thing. Being alone leaves me with only my thoughts, my thoughts happen to be mostly negative. Ive never told Julian about what I fear or what I think because I never want to be a burden to him. He deserves someone who can brighten a room and cheer others up, not someone sad and insecure. People have told me not to be so sad over small things that can’t be helped but it’s harder than some people choose to think. In my opinion being happy is something you have to earn or something that you gain. Most of the time I silently cry myself to sleep praying that I don’t wake Julian. Night time is when my thoughts keep me awake, consistently telling me horrible things that deep down I know aren’t true.

Julian has been working for hours now and my breath slowly starts to shorten as the hours go by. A fear or being alone is what I have had sense I was young. I grew up being scared and stressed that I’ll get older and be alone but then I found Julian. He is always by my side and only leaves when he has to work, I don’t mean to sound clingy either but right when he leaves I get scared that he won’t come back. I could never tell him to stay home either because his job makes him happy and no matter what my fears say I won’t take away his happiness.

My fear for loneliness decreased as I got older and met more people but the reasons for my fear never went away. I’m so deep into my thoughts that I don’t even notice the door creaking open. I don’t snap out of my own head until I hear Julians voice speak up from behind me. “Darling, are you okay?” I jump in the air at the words suddenly spoken. I turn around to see Julian staring at me with a worried expression sketched across his face. I give him my best fake smile and pray he doesn’t ask anymore questions because I may just over flow. “Julian I’m doing great how was work?” Julian clearly doesn’t buy it but he continues on with the conversation non the less. I know he’s going to ask about it later though.

We continue on speaking about Julians work day until late that night when we decide to finally go to sleep. The sun decided to no longer shine and gave the moon its time. The light glow of the moon illuminates Julians handsome features as he wearily glances at me from the corner of his eye. He probably think I notice but he’s never been the stealthy kind.

He stares for a while more until his filter finally cracks, “Darling are you positive you’re feeling well?” I debate on telling him anything when all of my fears and negative thoughts start creeping in. I involuntarily let out a saddened whimper which puts Julian on high alert. He stares shocked towards my shaking frame until he he seemingly snaps out of it and gives me a bone crushing hug. He whispers kind words into my ear as I break down and start sobbing.

Julian eventually calms me down until I’m able to speak when he asks “tell me what’s bothering you please!” His voice is begging me to tell him what’s on my mind and I answer before I can even think about it. “Would you ever leave me?” I finally speak the one question that’s been tainting my mind all my life, I ponder for a moment and realize how stupid it sounds. I’m about to take it back when Julian almost screams “never would I ever even think about leaving you love, now what brought on these foolish thoughts?” “I-I I’ve always had t-these horrible thoughts, I w-was just scared one d-day you’ll d-decide to l-leave me” I manage to stutter out while holding back another round of tears.

I calm myself before speaking again, trying to explain why I feel the way I feel in greater detail. “I have always felt ugly, whether it be because I have blemishes or I’m too fat/skinny (either of these can be a reason for someone to be upset so I wanted to include both) I have never really liked myself so I put on fake confidence and try going with the flow.” I don’t dare look up at Julian as I take another breath to continue. “I have also always had a fear of being alone, I thought I would grow up and everyone would think I’m ugly or no fun and would just leave me. I sometimes get scared when you go to work that you’ll never come back.” By the time I’m done I am holding my breath and tears back.

All is silent before two arms wrap tightly around me. I feel wetness drop onto my shoulder as I realize I have made Julian cry. I gasp as tears start falling even harder than before. I then wrap my arms around Julian even tighter than his are around me.

We sit like this for a moment before Julian pulls back and wipes his eyes. “Darling I would never leave you and if you felt all of these things why haven’t you told me?” I sheepishly look away before responding with “I didn’t want to be a burden to you because you deserve better than that.” Julians jaw drops and he seems to get tense until he whispers “love, you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I love you too much to ever even consider leaving you.” I feel like crying again but manage to hold back as I mumble “thank you.” Julian slightly smiles my way and he slams me into his chest once again. He kisses my head as a wave of sleepiness washes over me, probably from crying so many tears. Julian lightly pushes me against the bed and says “rest now darling we can speak more about this in the morning.” I mumble a incoherent response as my fatigue decides to completely wash over me. The last thing I notice is Julian squishing me against his tall frame and me thinking ‘I’ll never be alone’ before the darkness takes over.

SORRY FOR THE KINDA SAD CHAPTER BUT I THINK IT HAD TO BE DONE FOR ME TO FEEL REMOTELY BETTER.

Check out my Instagram @its.leahs.art

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menalez · 5 years

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ive been saying that i’ll be posting receipts on the hetfem server, which was also heavily requested by plenty of people on here. this post is going to be pretty long, so i’m putting it under a read more. keep in mind, this isn’t every single wrong thing that has been said on the server, some may disagree with some parts even being wrong to begin with, and this post may have more added to it afterwards in the reblogs. the individuals who have provided me with receipts were all feeling threatened due to knowing how vicious and prone to harassing others the women in this server often are. so ive been sent countless receipts with context, which i have tried to summarise as well. please remember that the point of this post isn’t to call out specific individuals, but rather it is to showcase that the concerns and ‘rumours’ going around about this server were reasonable and true, and to show how lesbophobic and racist this server is (which many have publicly stated before being dogpiled by members of the server).

first is the zionism and racism in that specific regard. “theHettyishere” is black-diaspora, “Autumn” is probablyaterf. both are partaking in the erasure & justification of how israel is treating palestinians, erasing palestinians proven ties to their country, erasing the war crimes israel partook in, and also erasing the racism within israel which prioritises ashkenazim over mizrahim and black jews.

then they got more blatant and started saying that if you’re anti-zionism then you’re .. anti-semitic ?? keep in mind these people aren’t even jewish

then they go onto defending christianity

and falsely claim hitler ‘deeply respected’ islam. interesting considering hitler called muslims ‘half-apes’ and all but oh well!

second set of receipts is the defending of blackface and justification of it. in both these ‘debates’, they literally only present one side and then act like they had a great discussion at the end of it when they’re all just confirming their pre-existing beliefs and using one another to support that. anyways, girlsfrommars had previously come under fire for publicly defending the blackface tradition existing in her country, the netherlands. this is her doing it again after backpedaling on tumblr on this topic, and people in the server standing by her. battleking is bookrebelwordwarrior on tumblr.

the conversation kinda goes on for a bit and girlfrommars does the same thing she did on tumblr not long before this convo, which was give a “oh ok i’ll reconsider!” which may not be her truth anyways.

next is people on the server saying straight women don’t have enough good representation and even talking about being upset over bi women and even lesbians being represented?? again, autumn is probablyaterf. laughing bird will appear in the screenshots a lot, although i’m not sure what her url is.

idk how to tell these het and bi women.... that lesbians have practically no good representation. especially not as much as het women. there’s a lot of parts of this conversation that are highly questionable. tldr its bad if lesbians or bi women headcannon gnc women as bi or lesbians. also its bad if gnc characters aren’t straight.

this next screen is coming from a het woman so keep that in mind. i don’t know how to put into words why i find this iffy so yall can see it and decide for urselves

she justifies it w this when a couple of members make it clear they find her message questionable:

on a different occasion, girlsfrommars, a white woman, decides to randomly ask other white women in the server what they think about reparations. a bunch of racist white women show themselves during this conversation. please keep in mind i was not the one censoring their usernames so i myself have no idea who these women are, but the person censored in white is emanon, who has a tumblr. i dont know what her tumblr is, but she will appear in multiple other receipts after this. keep in mind this entire channel ends up being deleted by probablyaterf to cover up the racism and prevent the collection of receipts, which you’ll see evidence of later on in this post.

then one of the white women dismisses the impact of racism, basically,

then woc start to chime in (white is the white woman, ‘emanon’)

then, after this conversation went on for a while, a mod decides to tone-police and shame the woc for taking issue with what the white woman was saying. this mod is also white.

“my race doesn’t matter, but i’m jewish” sounds convenient. especially since this person admitted to being white and stated thats why she should stay in her lane the previous day:

back to the dispute between LB and the woc:

remember LB’s tone and behaviour in the above screenshots as you’ll see how different it is from how she acted when a white woman was being lesbophobic on the server.

probablyaterf eventually comes in with “both sides were bad :)” basically

girlfrommars makes a non-apology apology about bringing up reparations the way she did

the next set of screenshots is just.. i dont even know what to say about it? yall can see it for yourselves because i think its self-explanatory. battle king = bookrebelwordwarrior, thehettyishere = black-diaspora, autumn = probablyaterf.

then the subtle lesbophobia comes in

this convo was then moved to a channel that was eventually deleted (receipt of that will be shown on this post).

probablyaterf then comes in and says lesbians are All saying the things mentioned above

then radfemkitten talks about how upset she was and probablyaterf goes on about how this conversation should stop or something

PAT then lowkey admits that part of the point of her server is to be able to talk shit about lesbians without being criticised for lesbophobia:

radfemkitten more or less confirms this

PAT basically says “if you think women here are lesbophobic then leave but if you keep criticising what is said then i’ll mute and maybe even kick you!” ok

after this PAT muted that woman for saying that some of the women were being lesbophobic.

someone showed exactly where lesbophobia was present

“straight women should have a space where they can shit talk lesbians without criticism” basically ^. this is the 3rd screenshot where members of the chat, specifically the creator PAT, states that the server exists partially so that non-lesbians can say shit without being criticised for being lesbophobic.

this was then said by emanon (racist reparations lady):

then probablyaterf coddles the women who were upset for being held accountable and kicks out the women who called out lesbophobia

probablyaterf deleted entire channels which involved members being lesbophobic and racist for the bullshit reason she provided here, basically admitting she would remove things to prevent the collection of receipts:

this is why she is so confident on her blog about how people can’t possibly have receipts on her server. because she makes sure to delete the evidence. issue is, she did it too late. she then started twisting the story and lying to save face. she removed the conversations regarding reparations, separatism, the accusations of racism & lesbophobia, them complaining about there not being enough good representation of straight women, etc were all removed. evidence:

then it gets even more blatantly sketchy, where PAT basically tells the members of the group to not repeat the drama or dish the details of it, as any honest and open person not hiding questionable shit would do, apparently.

the details and specifics of this drama were all kept quiet by those involved as well, and those involved agreed to not talk about what has happened in detail.

the bit “one of the members was crying SO MUCH because you called her lesophobic that she almost LEFT HER JOB :(” is funny as y’all can see the situation for yourself up there, she said something and people questioned her on it. this wasn’t a case of a poor defenseless victim being cruelly attacked or whatever.

“a lot of them do tho clearly” keep in mind that there were like what .. 4 lesbians that took issue with the server? and initially there was even less than that.

radfemkitten then goes onto a lesbophobic rant.

then they changed the story within the server and claimed that the accusations of racism were directed at woc... when it was directed at white women exclusively, as shown above. keep in mind the person claiming this and putting racism in quotations is a white woman herself so. hmm.

next incident is some white woman being very blatantly lesbophobic on the server. several people took issue with it, and she received multiple warnings but was not kicked. keep in mind that earlier, someone was kicked simply for questioning a member on the server and saying they were being lesbophobic. yet when someone is blatantly lesbophobic, they receive multiple warnings and then get away with it. “pinkie the feral one” goes by roxxy, i don’t know if she has a tumblr. notice how laughing bird is comparatively very civil and patient with this roxxy person.

bi & het women determining that lesbians talking about thinking of pussy somehow implies ‘homosexuals are sex crazed deviants’, is what’s homophobic, btw.

next are when the hetfem server came under fire after TD spoke against it and drama ensued. i was initially 100% for the hetfem server and said those opposing it were being illogical. however, after a while of that drama, some lesbophobia was starting to come out from the hetfems which is when i said i think both sides are wrong. the hetfems took this very personally and proceeded to make lesbophobic comments about how im just bitter bc i dont have a gf or something (altho i was in a relationship back then so lol) and then they blatantly said they dont think het women have power over lesbians. the convo resulted in them full on arguing that lesbians have it easier than het women.

next coming is the hetfem server arguing that abrahamic religions actually *helped* women and how radfems should be talking about that. keep in mind some of these are the same people that mock people who say islam is a ‘feminist religion’.

next is them arguing on the hetfem server that Nasime Aghdam, the youtube shooter, is male and referencing a meme as a source. they completely ignored the fact that Nasime’s childhood photos make it pretty obvious that that meme was inaccurate anyways. also probablyaterf argued that it’s somehow racist to note that nasime aghdam resembles many other people in the middle east (somewhere im from & where ive lived my entire life). its interesting considering how many things she argued weren’t racist or homophobic, yet noting that someone isn’t a Weird Unusual Looking Alien like she wants to claim is ..racist

the probablyaterf goes on to strawman that i claimed all iranians are clones of each other or smth simply bc i said nasime aghdam’s face is not unusual in countries like iran. also keep in mind the person censored in red is a white woman lol.

henryhetta = foxfur-nadine.

listen.. ive seen women wearing borderline clown makeup in my country. it doesnt make them male. anyways then PAT says ‘maybe im wrong but ill insist im not anyways’, basically.

next is the time black-diaspora posted a pic of my mom taken from my country’s gov facebook page, which provides people with her first & last name. this was brought up on the server. they said i was lying (i was not) and went on about how im crazy and need to get laid. also calling me a ‘nigel’ in one of those screens.

then they just keep justifying it and insulting me. instead of taking issue with what a member of their server did.

so basically “calling out lesbophobia is bad, but posting information that leads to someone’s mom’s full name and facebook is ok, and somehow posting something from a ‘public news article’”

then they said “homosexuality is legal in bahrain” to somehow justify any of this??? as if Bahrain doesn’t have a history of killing, imprisoning, torturing, and exiling Bahrainis that they see criticising the government (which i frequently do) or anything. not like around 200 people have lost their lives for critiquing Bahrain’s government or anything. moreover, plenty of things are ‘legal’ in Bahrain but still lead to punishment. sex outside of marriage is illegal and gay people can’t legally get married, for one. and people have been imprisoned in Bahrain for kissing members of the same sex. but whatever i guess. anyways then radfemkitten argues that i sent a picture doxxing my own fucking mother to black-diaspora. so i endangered my own mother and then begged these people to delete the information they posted, apparently?

sadly, that is the end of the receipts i have on the topic of BD endangering my mom and the hetfem server justifying it and finding ways to blame me for BD’s actions. so i don’t have the bit that confirms how she explained herself to others and justified it, however she did justify and defend it publicly when i called her out on it. BD was not kicked or muted or anything of the sort for what she has done, and as you can see, everyone justified it and took it as an opportunity to insult me. this wouldn’t have been as much of an issue if i wasn’t from a dictatorship and if my blog wasn’t so political. what BD posted is STILL present on another blog and i could not get staff to delete it, so if the information falls into the wrong hands i don’t know what’ll happen to my mother, or even to me.

next is them justifying allying with the right despite their homophobia, racism, etc. keep in mind some of these women reblogged white supremacist propaganda in agreement with it so this isn’t particularly shocking. christmas begins in november = autumn = probablyaterf.

the issue with this, by the way, is associating with a group that is often misogynistic, homophobic, and racist solely to have a slightly larger platform of people who are more or less heavily for gender, gender roles, and more, sends the message that somehow these are ok things to side with as feminists. yall notice how many ‘radfems’ are literally just conservatives who are against some aspects of misogyny or trans people? these are the people you’re roping in a lot of the time. and this makes the voices of radfems easier to dismiss by the left as well. instead of establishing a space in the left, you end up placing yourself closer to the right and effectively putting the success of your movement to a halt.

these coming screenshots are the hetfems arguing het women have it The Hardest in radfem spaces

separate event is just some lesbophobia, again.

“imagine a straight/bihet woman wondering what the purpose of a lesbian is” go outside. there’s plenty of that. one idiotic woman saying that about bisexuality doesn’t somehow override that.

more blatant lesbophobia in a separate event. note the reactions underneath the text (all in agreement)

how often have gay people talked about how the stupid “you have equal rights now uwu” bullshit is simply bullshit? this is exactly what men use to dismiss feminists, why do it to dismiss talk of homophobia?

a bunch of white & het/het-passing women joking about making a straight pride or kkk march

remember the white woman, emanon, who argues against reparations because “what about poor white people? :(” she comes in with more racism, and some intersexism too! this is her calling caster semenya, an intersex black woman, a man and using ‘he’ pronouns for her. girlfrommars, the white woman keen on defending blackface, comes in to express her agreement.

then they argue that semenya was raised as a male.. because she refused to wear feminine clothing including in school & because some people thought she was, and thus treated her as such until they realised shes not, a man??

this is more recent than a lot of the previous receipts. i reblogged one post by radfemkitten a while back, and she was so flattered she felt the need to complain about it on the hetfem server, to which someone replied by likening me to a male hippo from madagascar.

#whitefem racism #long post #liberal lesbophobia #hetfems #hetfem server #probablyaterf #black-diaspora #girlfrommars #radfemkitten

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