#i think this development is totally separate from that development of sexuality

[bigbroemen]

old furryism (1960s and previous, very different from todays furry) cartoon zines to: comics (which grew throughout the 1940s-1990s. interest in an art medium that is home to cartoon art and design) to: nerdism to: internet (starting from the 1970s) to: computer enthusiasts who are most likely in the technology field to: new furryism is home to like a LOT of people that are in or very often even instrumental to STEM (particularly technology) fields (computer science, engineering, robotics, etc) & theres a fair population of furries who make a SHITTON of money (because a career in STEM can make a lot of money and technology fields especially make a shitton of money)

[goodluckclove]

Some Loose Thoughts on Queer Rep (Specifically Aspec Rep)

(Just in advance I'm going to dunk on Alastor from Hazbin Hotel like a lil' bit, as a treat. Mainly the team that made him and what he represents, but still. If that's rage bait for you, I suggest maybe dipping out now)

I have a theory that queer media needs both queer characters and queer genre characters. The difference is very important.

I think a queer character would be a character in a story about their queerness. For some reason the only two characters I could think of are the guy from Love, Simon (What was his name again?) and the protagonist from Rubyfruit Jungle, which should express the weird and complicated relationship I have with this particular archetype.

Queer stories centered around queerness are definitely needed, but at the same time I feel like we're just starting to come to terms with the desperate need for the alternative, which are queer characters in genre media that contain overarching plots larger than their sexuality. Not separate, necessarily (Their queerness certainly influences things), but just beyond. This is more accessible for a variety of artists, which is also the reason why it can be a flop or a massive success.

We get more of this than ever for gay and sapphic characters, as well as some trans folks and occasionally non-binary. It's definitely way less seen in aspec characters, and even less respected. I started thinking this way because the internet is flooded with references to fucking Alastor from Hazbin Hotel as an aroace character and - like - god, I don't get it.

Like you can have your serial killer comfort character, that's fine. But latching onto him as representation for the entire aspec community when he was only confirmed to be aroace through a reference in a livestream and the weakest joke onscreen is pretty disheartening. It definitely reads like this part of his identity was added pretty late in his character development, and by a team of people that didn't seem to consider what the response and reaction would be and how they'd handle it.

I also wish the newest aspec icon in media wasn't created by a team so adamant on encouraging shipping culture above actually respecting the identity they've decided to provide representation for. Like I see it means a lot to people to have an aroace character doing something cool in a fun TV show that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with their identity. Then there's like four other people right behind that person who really wants that person to be romantic and fuck.

And like, yeah, aroace people can do that sometimes. It's a spectrum, I know. But can't we start with a baseline representation before providing proof of fluidity?

I just think we deserve better. Like a character who in the media is established to be aspec, and people are like "great" and move on to fight robots or do magic or whatever. And the person can be morally grey, or even a total dick, but like I'd personally prefer something with a little more depth than Hot Topic genericism.

Like don't get me wrong, I'll take some sort of eldritch horror as my representation, but...make him at all horrifying? Like everyone talks about how he has Eldritch powers, which I know to mean unfathomable and maddening. But I've seen everything he does in the canon of the show and it is both incredibly fathomable and makes me feel normal and sane. Yog-Sothoth this man is not.

But yeah, I don't think there's a solution here besides more aspec artists creating aspec characters in their work. That way people can still like Alastor if they want, but he's not like the only viable option in terms of representation in the media. Let me see lovingly-crafted cool guys and dipshits and chaos goblins and little babies and True Horrors, all of whom have varying degrees of distaste or indifference towards sex and romance.

Do it. We need it. Please.

[sysmedsaresexist]

I do not mean to sound stupid, but I read your post "dissociation is not solely trauma-based", and I was wondering if you knew of any sources or books about it? I think I don't fully understand what dissociation is. For exemple, no matter how I look at it, I don't understand how meditation could be considered like anything close to dissociation, simply because it's also used as a grounding technique.

I'm combining two asks here, because I'm going to cover both in one go :) you don't sound stupid.

You've got to start with the understanding that dissociation is a continuum from normal (aka nonpathological) to "abnormal" (I hate that word, but aka pathological). I finally dropped the wild existence of Dr Jamie Marich, clinical trauma specialist and a pro endo, CDD system, who wrote Dissociation Made Simple. Let me quote because the book is actually good.

Yes, dissociation is so hard to understand that she wrote an entire book about the concept.

"The English word dissociation comes from the Latin root dissociātiō, meaning “to sever” or “to separate.” At this point when lecturing, I usually ask my students: What are we severing or separating from when we dissociate? You may take a moment, before reading on, to ask this question of yourself. Try not to think on it too rationally. Listen to your gut-level response...

For the purposes of this opening chapter, let’s focus on the form of separation that every human being can likely relate to —severing or separating from the present moment—especially when the present moment becomes unpleasant, overwhelming, or otherwise painful."

Dissociation is a disconnect from something-- this can be memories, thoughts, emotions, or, in worst cases, reality. The present moment.

Not all meditation is dissociative, but most is. For example, emptiness meditation is about disconnecting from everything in the moment. You are literally fine-tuning your dissociative techniques. This is also true when you're using grounding meditation to disconnect from overwhelming emotions or thoughts to get back into the moment.

There are a variety of tasks that we either develop naturally or learn as a way to achieve some degree of separation (e.g., enough to stay somewhat present but still get some relief, or going further into totally cutting oneself off from in-the-moment presence). Dissociation of this nature is not all or nothing—it generally happens in degrees and can depend upon how much distress you feel in any given context. We can do this by daydreaming, drifting off, zoning out, zoning inward, disengaging eye contact with people, losing focus (especially when driving), or getting a little floaty in many other life circumstances. Some people frame this “floatiness” as similar to hypnotic trance and others feel it is quite distinct. We may even take deliberate steps to enhance the experience of separation. How often have you escaped into a book or a movie, into your phone or computer, or into some activity, because it makes the harshness of dealing with the present moment and the emotions it can elicit somewhat more bearable?

Let me be very clear, if you said yes to this question, this answer does not mean that there is anything wrong with you! All of these can be quite ordinary forms of dissociation that every human being is capable of experiencing.

A really, really good way to understand this concept is actually through maladaptive daydreaming (MADD), a highly addictive form of dissociation.

Indeed for many of us, substances or other behaviors that cause major surges of dopamine (e.g., spending, computer games, sexually acting out) can become the accelerant of dissociation...

Whenever we become accustomed to dissociating, especially as children growing up in complex trauma, our brain becomes bonded or some would even say addicted to that state of escape. Once chemical or other reinforcing behaviors are introduced to us, they can accelerate that already familiar experience and we become further bonded to that behavior.

Daydreaming itself is dissociative. Point blank. It is both the most normal kind of dissociation, and yet the most common maladaptive dissociation.

Daydreaming and journeying into my head’s imaginative scenarios is another series of behaviors that can have both adaptive and maladaptive qualities. As a kid, they kept me safe. As an adult, they are the source of so much of my creative power—yet if I engage them too long, too hard, or too much, I run the risk of getting lost and not being able to attend to what helping professionals might call my activities of daily living (e.g., eating properly, sleeping, taking good care of myself, getting to work, attending to loved ones appropriately and with good boundaries).

Let's cut away from the book really quickly to look at Eli Somer, the guy who came up with MADD.

Maladaptive daydreaming is a dissociative disorder: Supporting evidence and theory.

The only real thing I want to quote is:

Although trauma may be one causal factor, we indicate several other etiological pathways to the development of MD. We discuss associations with related concepts and suggest directions for future research.

And

MD is strongly related to dissociation and seems to rely on an innate tendency for absorptive and imaginative fantasy. Through its rewarding properties, this form of immersive daydreaming becomes abnormal. MD may thus be viewed as a disordered form of dissociative absorption.

While Somer talks about how it can be a behavioral addiction in that paper, I find this is a more succinct description.

Maladaptive Daydreaming: Epidemiological Data on a Newly Identified Syndrome

Maladaptive Daydreaming (MD) is a proposed mental disorder characterized by excessive, compulsive immersion in vivid and complex fantastical daydreamed plots, generating intense emotional involvement, often accompanied by stereotypical movements. This addictive absorption in daydreaming becomes maladaptive as it consumes many hours a day, generates shame or guilt, hinders achievement of short- and long-term goals or tasks, and overall causes clinically significant distress and/or interferes with functioning in social or occupational realms. Maladaptive Daydreamers (MDers) report a strong urge to daydream whenever they can and annoyance whenever they cannot, and, repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back, or stop daydreaming, like other behavioral addictions.

And that's the best way to look at DID and other maladaptive, pathological forms of dissociation. It's a behavioral addiction, an escape that we not only crave, but can no longer live without. Just like you can get addicted to working out and gambling, you can become addicted to severing ties with reality through pleasurable (and in some cases, necessary) forms of escape.

I don't know if this is going to make sense, but I've found looking at dissociation like an upside-down iceberg helps me.

At the top, the widest part, is everyone on the planet, and the basic, general concept of dissociation. Severing from the present moment, be it through your phone, book, daydreaming, meditation, zoning out.

As you go down, and it gets narrower, it becomes more important to put names to specific types and forms of dissociation, and fewer people struggle with these forms. In the middle is a confusing mix of seemingly normal and pathological dissociation. You have mediumship, authors with living characters, OCD (yup), ADHD (shocking, I know), MADD, DPDR, (C)PTSD, people on the edge of forming behavioral addictions.

At the bottom, the smallest point, only pathological dissociation, with a much smaller population experiencing it. DID, OSDD, severe and chronic DPDR, DA.

For people that struggle with dissociation... they fell down a hole and travelled all the way to the bottom of the iceberg. What was once a general, normal, human experience became a very specific problem. Over the years, as they travelled deeper, they used and developed a complex mix of various normal dissociative reactions until it eventually became a named, pathological experience.

I sincerely hope that this helps explain and answers both questions ):

Here's another really interesting paper (from none other than, DUNDUNDUN, Colin Ross).

Maladaptive Daydreaming, Dissociation, and the Dissociative Disorders

[acotarfrustrations]

An ongoing list of ACOWAR grievances I'm keeping track of while I read (because there's too many to make a post about all of them) pt. 2

I'm on chapter 15 now and feeling the urge to complain again so here we go

1) the writing is way too overdramaticized. Like every other paragraph is some remixed version of feyre going "I wondered whether it would be eggs or bacon for breakfast. But when I looked at Rhys I realized that he was giving me my own choice. My mate, my high lord. In our home. With our family. Every thing was always my choice" and its CONSTANT, LIKE OH MY GOD GIRL SHUT UP

2) every thing about Lucien's plotlineand the elain mating thing. I HATE this subplot with a PASSION

3) feyre immediately fucking rhys when she got back instead of going to see her sisters

4) feyre and rhysand acting like they've ben separated for forty centuries instead of a month

5) the contradictions about how the high lord thing works. Like it was established that its a government position given to you through basically fate and being chosen by the cauldron or whatever which is why siblings kill each other for a chance for the throne and yet they just went to a priestess and swore feyre in as high lady?? It makes her title not feel real like it's purely ceremonial. It doesn't even make sense that she would be able to be HL of the night court as she has no more ties to that court than she does any other court. Is it because she's mated to Rhys? I don't understand the HL lord at all, it just keeps changing

6) the fact that Feyre, Rhys, and Cassian tell Lucien about their tragic backstories and everything that's happened to feyre at the NC and he just immediately does a Feyre™️. Like he's suddenly "Oh yeah you had a horrible childhood and took feyre into your found family without letting her explore relationships outside of the IC, that totally makes up for all the evil shit THAT IVE SEEN YOU DO WITH MY OWN 2 EYES. wow i cant believe youre not evil even though you killed 50 winter court children and sexually assaulted your mate and mind raped her constantly to get her to like you"

7) the way they're treating Nesta. It has been a MONTH since she was stolen from her home, brought amongst a race that she is terrified of and THAT ENSLAVED HER PEOPLE, and was forcefully turned into ONE OF THEM and the IC is acting like she's being unreasonable for not wanting to talk to them or to mate with Cassian. WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE EVEN BE THINKING ABOUT CASSIAN RIGHT NOW?? WHY THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL BAD FOR HIM? Instead of him worrying about how his mate is doing regardless of his own comfort he's like WOE IS ME, SHE DOESNT WANT TO FUCK ME?????? GET OVER IT ASSHOLE?? WHY IS FEYRE EVEN LETTING CASSIAN COME NEAR HER AND ANTAGONIZE HER?? DOESNT SHE LOVE TO FLAUNT HER HL STATUS AROUND?? THIS IS THE TIME TO USE IT, PROTECT YOUR GODDAMN SISTER FROM HIM? ITS SO OBVIOUS THAT SHE DOESNT GIVE NEARLY AS MUCH OF A SHIT ABOUT NESTA AS SHE DOES ELAIN!!

8) the fact that sjm didn't keep cassian's wings shredded. Him learning to live with that would have been a badass character development but now sjm doesn't want me to have good things

9) the mating bond in general. I think it could be a potentially good plot device but no one ever employs it well and sjm is definitely the most egregious with it

10) the fact that the ic never gave consequences for their fucking actions. Feyre dies in acotar? Turn her into a fey and give her ALL of their powers. Stealing a precious artifact that they didn't even end up needing and getting a bounty on their head in the summer court and then getting that court invaded? That's fine because feyre is SOOO brave and says things that are common fucking sense which makes her SOOOO smart so we obviously need her as an ally so we'll just rescind the blood rubies. Getting the spring court sacked? That's fine we didn't like them anyway. Rhys and feyre's bond gets snapped? Well they didn't know about our super secret mating bond that is actually the only thing that gives our characters chemistry so we still like each other. Rhys causes irreparable damage to every court for 50 years and kills 50 kids? Well that's fine he was being held hostage and hey! We don't know he actually killed those kids 😡 Feyre, a 20 year old girl who's been fae for like 6 months and training for even less goes up against thousands of years old beings? She beats them effortlesslessly! Rhys gets sexually assaulted for 50 years! Well he planned all of it so it has no negative consequences on him. Cassian gets his wings shredded? Well he worked really hard and they're fixed now 🥰. Rhys FUCKING DIES?? Well that's no problem, tamlin can just resurrect him, nvm the fact that there's no reason why he WOULD. like no harrowing situation is ever interesting cause we all know sjm isn't actually going to do anything to the ic

11) "my mate" STOP SAYING IT PLS IM BEGGING

12) "males and females" STOP SAYING IT PLS IM BEGGING pt. 2

[anulithots]

So I found this on bird app :

"i only like ge/go when it’s doomed and they have no longterm future

same with go/ge. they’re about the same to me but i think gojo bottomed more and was a total pillow princess about it in their teens. as adults they probably switched equally. i can see gojo developing his experience more with topping as an adult

either way they’re better as exes. gojo deserves more from a partner than someone who would leave him to start a cult "

Can I ask your thoughts, please?

………… I don't ship them sexually. Because I'm not comfortable with it.

(I have aroace spectrum satosugu headcannons I'm quite fond of. So basically I ship them queer platonically and semi-romantically and flip flop between the two.)

Sorry about that!

But in terms of are they better off being okay with being apart, or if they should stay together regardless…

Complex answer. Depends on the context really.

They loved each other a lot. And I disagree with 'Gojo deserves a better partner than someone who left him to start a cult'. Like… he does but also… that's not the entirety of the situation?

If Geto loved Gojo, why didn't he try to recruit him? by @ellionwrites

How much Geto canonically loved Gojo by @ellionwrites

These two analysis's explain it very well. Also there's a fanfic called Carry me home that is just 100/10. Character analysis interwoven and it perfectly explains this part of Geto's motivations.

Geto COULD NOT go on for much longer without coming to a breaking point. His cursed teqnique requires him to go through painful experiences over and over and over again. The very coping mechanism he prided himself on ('I do this to protect non-sorcerers') has fallen to pieces and Gojo isn't there (for his own reasons). He's grappling with his entire sense of self and it's been repeating in his head for A YEAR.

And Geto did not want to confront Gojo during the whole 'kfc breakup scene'. (Again, analysis above explains it really well.)

Shoko called him there. For good reason. I don't think either Shoko or Gojo had a good idea of just how bad it was getting because Geto (a) didn't tell anyone (b) Gojo was doing 'okay' (he wasn't) and (c) Geto's strong in morals and in resolve. He'll be okay.

(Gojo especially believes this. Strong sorcerers stay safe. Especially Geto. I have… a lot of posts talking about how Gojo depends on Geto to be around him when interacting and just… existing in general.

Gojo gets so fixated on being stronger so he wouldn't make the same mistakes like with Riko. He isolates himself to do so. ~~~ Backstory ~~ explains this.

The Gojo clan isolated Gojo, told him he's the strongest, and gave him rules and responsibilities for that - along with safety and confidence. So - in Gojo's mind - the only way to get stronger is to double down on these things. More responsibility. More isolation. He'll be able to take care of things once he gets stronger. )

LONG STORY SHORT -

Geto's ideal was fixing the world - partially for Gojo as the strongest, partially for himself because he was struggling and didn't have any foothold.

And… listen… sometimes you have to take priority over your partner. I don't think the way Geto went about it was right, by any means, but… at least he did something, he had to.

At the end of the day, the system is to blame. It's the system that drove them both to this and it's the system that let it perpetuate.

But let's say they met right before JJK0-ish and decided to forget the world for a little while and escape from it all together.

It would be… strained to say the least.

Because they are canonically soulmates. A pair. Do not separate. But they have and it's been going on for ten years despite the fact that they both very much still love each other.

Gojo just couldn't leave the society that gave him meaning (other reasons too), Geto couldn't leave the thing that gave him meaning.

Does that indicate that they do not love each other/shouldn't be together because they both value their respective ideologies? No.

(We're going to ignore Geto's whole 'kill the monkeys' thing for a second and pretend like it's just an opposing idealogology for the sake of the argument <3)

The circumstances, their respective coping mechanisms, and the system, very much the system, makes it so they went their separate ways. Just because their ideals got caught up in this thing and they went for their own paths does not mean they don't love each other and wouldn't jump at the chance to have a 'perfect world' with the other in it.

(the sunset scene, Geto's death scene… need I say more?)

If the society decided that "… maybbeee we shouldn't put all this traumatic pressure on children and say that the only answer is isolation and acceptance and instead give them the help and support they need" then Geto and Gojo would've stayed together.

But it wouldn't have been JJK then, would it? Without the friendship that haunts the narrative?

Sorry if I'm rambling, what I'm trying to say is - it's complicated. The story itself drove them apart and canonically they never got back together while mourning their separation the entire time.

And Gojo never moved on, never let go. If you wanted to - and this is something I played around with in my head - and if JJK miraculously got rewritten as a slice-of-life post hidden inventory, then part of GOjo's arc could be about letting go of Geto, as painful as that may be.

But honestly? Comfort people are hard to find. Geto and Gojo were specifically created to be a pair. Gojo was so detatched from the world that Geto tethered him to it. After Geto left, Gojo went on to be a teacher and do what the Suguru he remembers would've wanted him to do, and he 'doesn't feel lonely anymore'…

Gojo loves his students dearly, but he can't ask his students to understand him. And more than anything, Gojo wants to be understood and loved for it. The only one who fit that criteria was Geto.

(Gojo's whole sentiment about 'not as a human, but as a living creature' is Gojo saying that he (a) didn't feel human without Geto there (b) didn't let himself feel human and instead made himself a tool, gave himself the role of the strongest.

Because otherwise Riko happens all over again.

ANNNDDD I'm going off on a ramble.

Last point!

Narratively, should Gojo and Geto be a tradegy, where they never get back together? (AKA, as it is in cannon)

Yes. That is a huge part of their characters, along with being a huge draw to JJK in general. There's something about the separation exemplifying how much SatoSugu loved each other that gives it nuance and the possibility for lots of fix it fics.

So I can understand why the bird poster thought that SatoSugu works a lot as a tragedy, it does. But if SatoSugu had a well-written redemption arc, that would also be extremely compelling I think.

But alas, this is JJK we're talking about.

Thank you for the ask! This was fun to ramble about at 2am.

[terarria-sunflower]

very un-fire emblem, but since ao3 is down here's some L death note headcanons I was debating posting, hopefully they will benefit the masses in this time of hardship

L and how he thinks about romance:

(tw for slight sexual references and short icky behavior from an unnamed non-canon character but no non con, could be dub con)

- he had a couple puppy loves when he was a kid that he fell way too deep into and had break his heart. he just had trouble understanding the natural flow of relationships, and his standing with others who expected him to keep up with them, so he kept getting left behind

- he's obviously bisexual

- and i think he had a brief thing with another boy when he was an early teen and living at the orphanage

- probably the kind of thing where he felt like he had found his soul mate, and they spent lots of time together trying to make up for how starved for love their lives had been at Whammy's, and then eventually the other boy started to become disgusted with the system, and with L because he was so integral to it the older he got, and neither of them understood any of that, and the other boy broke up with him very unkindly and vanished all in the span of about a week

- L is a little wiser to what was going on behind the scenes now, but even if he had the full explanation, the pain was just so acute, and echoed his recurring experience with abandonment so that thinking about it just solidifies a belief that he's unlovable

- i think when he got into his later teens at the orphanage and started to have a bit of freedom to wander around unsupervised, he also had a brief relationship with an American girl who was on vacation in the area

- and by brief i mean the literal one week that she was in Britain

- she was a bit older than him, almost enough to be icky and certainly old enough to know better than to play with an obviously vulnerable young boy

- she was bored and on vacation so she decided to use him, and again he was totally smitten, poor thing was still just so desperate for companionship that he didn't question a good thing

- he is a genius, but his emotional intelligence just developed slowly cause of trauma:/

- she manipulated him into being physical with her the day before she went home in an alley near the orphanage. they didn't have penetrative sex but they got pretty well acquainted

- she left him immediately after and didn't come back to say goodbye.

- that experience was where his trust allowance ran out, and a few years later after he and Watari began moving around the world, the time and the physical separation from where he grew up helped him understand not to blame himself

- it's actually really lucky that he became a career law enforcer, because it gave him the needed exposure to how much other people straight up suck, and saved him from a lifetime of self-hatred

- his theme is really being self sustainable

- he doesn't have any qualms about his personal worth

- but he also doesn't think he's good enough for other people, so he's learned to live totally without them

- Watari is the exception, because L knows that their relationship is based on Watari needing him for his talent, and he can know quantifiably that he's good enough for that

- i think romance is something he craves even if the lack of it doesn't torture him, but he is truly and literally waiting for the stars to align in the person he chooses; it's something he will never take a risk on again (cough why I'm anti-Lawlight although no disrespect to the ship or it's shippers at all it's just not for me!)

- attraction is easy! he just doesn't trust it a bit.

- his end-game would have to be someone who's known him and Watari for quite a while, who Watari likes, and who has stayed around long enough that their only possible motivation for wanting him can be- well, wanting him

- but once he's found the right one, and he's safe with them, I think he'd be eager to participate in surprisingly traditional romantic gestures, and a good communicator.

- he's awkward as we know, but when comfortable with the person he loves, i think that awkwardness turns into endearing, just non-current mannerisms. like, he's a big kiss his partner's hand kinda guy, which isn't that weird or outdated really but he does it with the intent and reverence with which a knight kisses the hand of a court lady, and he does it because he's gathered his most complete pictures of romance from books and from old movies that i'm sure Watari has made him watch

- 10/10, perfect baby angel of a man, the geneva war crimes are a part of him and I'VE decided they're funny

[stupidlittlespirit]

do u have any reigen and dimple hcs? I never rlly see anything abt them n its so sad💔💔

Hey anon, sorry this is so late! I've been out..... Socialising *shudder*

I know you probably mean Ekurei, but I got another ask about them so I'm gonna use this one as an excuse to talk about them both separately and then the ship in the other.

Everything below the cut! Reminder that these are just my own opinions. You can disagree, but do it on your own post.

TW: personality disorder discussion, bad parents, mental illness, suicide mention, vague kink mention.

Reigen:

Hold on tight. I feel so strongly about this little fucker.

♡ - I absolutely believe he has some form of personality disorder (and not just because I have one too hehe). Cluster B, most definitely: Possibly HPD or quiet BPD. He displays a lot of symptoms (need for attention/fame/recognition, belief he's 'meant for something', strong displays of emotion/regulation issues, depressive tendency, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships). I think it would explain a lot, personally.

♡ - Reigen has likely always struggled with himself as a person.  I think he would find it easier to pretend to be something/someone else, to project a false personality and use it to his advantage, than to reveal or examine how he truly feels. He never wants to be known too deeply by others.  Likely from experience in childhood/with parents/friends etc, he's found that opening up and allowing intimacy of the self offers too much of a chance that he might be betrayed. People are often cruel and they take advantage of those who expose themselves as vulnerable, and there's only so much of that that a person can take.  His parents probably showed no interest in his feelings for the most part and any time he expressed his concern about them, he’d be met with their rejection:  “Reigen, we don’t talk about things like that”, or “Not now, honey”, or “There are some things that you should keep to yourself.”  Never a word of guidance or helpful advice from them. Just frustration and ignorance, which results in him developing the uncanny ability to bury things so deeply that one might forget that they’re not normal to ignore. 

♡ - As above, Reigen has a terrible relationship with his parents thanks to an unstable childhood. I know it's canon that he has a sister who is also disapproving of his career, just like his mom and dad, and I can totally see some Golden Child vs Black Sheep tension going on there. He resents a lot of the attention maybe she got whereas he was always The Disappointment, even into adulthood, despite being quite successful eventually. I think he avoids contact with them as much as possible, and his parents only ever reach out to chastise him or finger-wag over something ('why aren't you married yet?' 'why are you still in this shitty job?' 'why can't you just be normal?' etc) .

♡ - Reigen absolutely falls apart in the relationship department. He's bi, but totally a virgin: Not for lack of trying necessarily, I think he desperately wants intimate connection but doesn't know how to go about it. He has a tendency to be genuinely quite insufferable because of the personality he projects. If he had the confidence/ability to be vulnerable and was more comfortable just being him then he'd probably have a lot more luck. He wants to show his true self but is so worried people will reject him (hi BPD!) that he's too afraid to do it, and too embarrassed about his fear to express that he needs advice. Reigen is always the guider, never the guided.

♡ - REIGEN IS GINGER. ALL OVER. NO ARGUMENTS. REDHEAD LOVER NATION RISE UP.

♡ - He totally has a fucked up perverted side. I don't think he's genuinely immoral with it (committing actual serious crimes), that would go against his beliefs, but he's definitely inclined to get a little 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 with it. Again, with the inability to be himself and general dysfunction around sexuality (especially as an adult virgin) I imagine he's very secretive about it. He's not one to talk freely about sex and is quite teenage boy-esque in his shyness about it. Guy also totally jerks off like crazy.

♡ - Back in his (younger) youth, Reigen would have been a habitual thrill seeker. A lack of self-preservation from a lifetime of not caring much if he lived or died: ambient suicidal idealisation. Probably still is, though less so nowadays what with the responsibility of Mob and with gaining a more stable life and sense of self through his business and friendships. At first, I think it would have been difficult for him to understand that drive, to pin down exactly what it was that he felt was missing in himself. It probably took more than a few attempts to figure it out and eventually, he’d come to realise that he enjoyed the risk of it all. The thrill of being in danger, the risk to his life, and even the potential of being caught, and then that would encourage feelings that had to have left him ashamed and frightened of himself.  Reigen wouldn't have known anyone else who felt the same way and wouldn't have put himself out there to find others, either.   He would have needed something to hit that spot and as he’d grown from an awkward teen to a difficult adult, he’d come to the uncomfortable realisation that living a regular life wasn't going to offer what he needed. Over time, he’d been forced to submit to that need, lest he become pent up. Bloody knuckles and bar fights (he loses, every time), risking employment by jumping from job to job (it is also NOT 'normal' to quit a stable job - even if you hate it - and risk it all on a fresh venture to be self-employed), and though drugs and alcohol can be too expensive to sustain, that wouldn't have stopped him from dabbling in such things in order to cope with the confusion for a bit.  Eventually leaving his teenage years, maybe around twenty one-ish, rather than picking up something on the legal side of risky like skydiving or solo caving, Reigen starts sneaking into places he isn't supposed to be. Going against the law in small ways oftentimes comes with the territory of thrill seeking (for him) and he’d never cared much for it anyway, so he’d battle his moral concerns for chasing the high of being the bad person he’d always been told (and convinced himself) he was. Be it a private function or a board meeting, Reigen learns to case out a joint, talk his way inside and get free room to roam in someone else's shoes for as long as he can.  I think it would have given him freedom from his shitty reality and if he broke the law in the process, that was a win-win for him. The achievement tasted even better if he pissed off authority figures, too.  He'd used his blagging talents to get free food if his cash flow was limited too, and no one would ever stop him. If you walk around like you own the place, rarely do people argue with you. The moment Reigen realised it was an easy game, he was in.  He probably matured out of it for the most part, but retained the skills (see: The infiltration of Claw) and used them to his advantage. I know a lot of people think he's just kind of falling upwards in terms of luck. I just like to get a little deep and dark with it lmao

♡ - Fast-paced by nature, constantly moving/talking/thinking, can't stop can't stop or else he'll have to listen to his brain, he'll have to think about all the bad stuff that lurks in the darkest corners. Obnoxious to hide the perceived inadequacy. 

♡ - He is totally a soft-hearted little shit deep down. You just have to peeeeeel away those complex layers and get your hands dirty to see that. He doesn't believe he's a good person, but he is.

whew okay, that's not all of my feelings but that's enough!

Moving on to Ekubo:

♡ - He and Yoshioka are bffs. He develops a bond with the guy (totally in the 'bad guys turned good club': I firmly like to believe that Yoshi is ex-yakuza) and they have a mutual agreement for Ekubo to use his body sometimes. Everything is consensual and Ekubo respects Yoshioka's autonomy.

♡ - Ekubo is, like Reigen, deep down a softie. He's very honest and loyal, and he has no problem being straightforward about stuff. He'll tell it like it is, without sugar coating the issues, and make sure you understand why he thinks that. I don't think he's the type to just leave it at that though: he'd give solutions and advice to fix the issue.

♡ - He loooooves to be a meanie to Reigen. They're both competitive by nature and butt heads a lot, but would go to the ends of the Earth for the guy.

♡ - Office pet. Office mascot. Loves it. Will never admit it.

♡ - When Mob eventually moves on from Spirits and Such, Ekubo starts spending most of his time with Reigen. Mob wants independence and the freedom to be more grown-up, and he'd specifically instruct him to keep watch of his mentor and make sure he's doing okay. Not to say Ekubo wouldn't ever hang out with Mob, but when you're off to college and stuff and exploring the world through that maturing lens, the boy probably won't want to be supervised constantly.

♡ - Ekubo will never admit that he's supporting Reigen and Reigen would never allow him too, but they both like each other's company. Yoshioka also joins them sometimes.

♡ - Ekubo has a lot of respect for Serizawa. He appreciates his psychic ability, and also his resilience in life. He helps Seri with his homework too hehe.

♡ - I like to imagine that Ekubo has been dead a while. He doesn't remember much of his original life, but he wasn't the best person in it. Not evil, just.... Lost in a similar way to Reigen. He has, however, got significantly more lived experience than all of the others in the office combined. He might have died a long time ago, but possessing people isn't new to him and he'd have to have lived through others at times. He's learnt a lot about people and life and death and all the shit in between, and it makes him an invaluable asset in the form of counsel for the others.

♡ - Longs for genuine interpersonal connection. In a human vessel, verrrrry touch starved.

♡ - Yoshioka has a silver tooth and you can pry that idea from my cold, dead hands.

♡ - Worship kink.

[tianshiisdead]

How would you characterize modern day Japan’s relationship with China and Korea? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Ps. Love your art

hello anon i see you have it out for me <3

KFLDHGF JK JK... this is quite a question though 💦 Honestly fairly rocky I'd imagine, but they do hang out. I think there's a contrast between Korchu complaining about Japan and the three of them going to karaoke and drinking together. Inevitably they're going to have a decent level of closeness I feel given how intertwined East Asian modernity is, but that doesn't lessen the antagonism all that much. Korchu harass him on twitter*, and totally justifiably as well LOL Japan is NOT owning up to anything and this is all the reparations they're going to get in the foreseeable future...

On Japan's part, I don't think he's particularly apologetic so much as irritated by them bringing old scars up because 'it was in the past, why are you lingering on old history instead of looking into the future' with maybe an added 'this is why you haven't developed properly like I have' towards China - although he probably can't do that anymore I guess! Sad! I also do think he lowkey looks down on them, and that he has some weird complexes about them as well but that's another conversation. Japan has some sort of 'closer to the west' sense of pride that gets in the way of relations with his neighbors as well, he's really annoying about that, and he has (more than) a bit of nostalgia towards eras Korchu are Not Happy About. He also has a bad tendency of blaming them for his domestic problems which they also aren't very happy about.

This is where I'm going to reveal my bias: I'm definitely less knowledgeable and therefore less confident on Korea-Japan compared to China-Japan, but to focus on China-Japan for a second: I think Japan's actually fairly irritated at China. Like, in general Korchu anger towards Japan far outweigh Japan anger towards Korchu for obvious reasons, but in this case Japan has a thought process like 'I helped you so much in the 80s and now you're stabbing me in the back!!', which China thinks is bullshit of course 👍

Also, lest I make it seem too much like Korchu vs Japan, I'd imagine Korpan complain about China together quite often as well and Nichu commit racism towards Korea separately but they catch each other's gaze across the internet and have a moment of understanding. Japan and Korea play nice when America's looking but fight a lot when America's not looking. They're caught up on each other's latest media and resent that fact. Easia's such a funny region 😨

*China has a twitter through a vpn like all those Chinese gov officials/international correspondents who spend their time dropping twitter roasts all day

**korchupan are not related they're not even slightly related they're not brothers they aren't family no one 'raised' anyone and they view each other as Potential Sexual Partners ok thank u. i see most 'easia Blood Family' takes as being anywhere from a little ignorant to incredibly racist

Ah and thank you so much!! I am so glad u like my art means a lot <33

[cto10121]

Finally bought a copy of Midnight Sun!!! Or as I like to call it, Twilight’s subtext as actual text because people suck at reading comprehension. Honestly, with every reread the book gets better and better. And of course, I have des notes (Part 1, since this tome is long):

I love how Edward is so obviously interested in her even before he smells her scent. That ~strange urge to step between her and Jessica’s vicious thoughts…buddy

Also love me some Arrogant!Edward, especially at the beginning—the Mr. Darcy vibes truly are impeccable, and it makes total sense for this narrative. The stupid clowns and anti fans hate it, but it is absolutely essential to his character arc towards humility/self-acceptance. It’s called character development, bitch

Edward: “She is an ordinary human girl, nothing special, she isn’t even pretty” Also Edward literally the second time he sees her: “She has oddly deep brown eyes, the color of milk chocolate, but with the clarity of strong tea, with flecks of caramel and agate green and now she is tossing her luscious mahogany hair at me and now her delicious scent is wafting like delicate perfume—” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Clowns: “Edward doesn’t like Bella for herself, he just likes her scent!!!1!” Edward: *absolutely REFUSES to go into detail about her scent, just its effect on him* Yeah. Strange, but revealing. In Twilight he does say it’s like freesia, and Laurent says it’s “floral, somehow.” The metaphor for sexual desire and even predation is there, suggested by Edward’s obvious romantic interest, but narrative-wise Meyer firmly separates the two and even has Edward conquer his own selfish instincts in order to be together with Bella. In that framing, Bella’s scent becomes another obstacle to overcome to reach true romance, and that fact alone makes Twilight better than 90% of romances lol

I don’t think I mentioned this before, but Meyer’s Spanish is surprisingly legit so far. I’ve literally read worse Spanish by Chicano and Latino writers, without accent marks and everything. Although I must say, they always have these Spanish high school teachers insist on having the whole class speak Spanish. It’s such a cliché, but a charming one, I guess

Edward hearing about Emmett’s cantante encounter and thinking, “Yeah, no, this is worse” is such an unintended flex, imo. Homeboy really was dealing with the worst vampire thirst ever and he actually succeeded in overcoming that enough to dick her down. Kudos

Edward thinking about Bella on her wedding day to some stranger and feeling pained—boy, it’s been three days!!!!! Birds of a feather flocking together

“A word I’d never said before in the presence of a lady—” This is the line that made the antis go crazy????? That a vampire from 1901 and frozen in that state would speak and act like he was from 1901????? Antis are so damn stupid

“I liked that I’d finally guessed right. That I was beginning to understand her.” Honestly? So far Edward has been very good at reading her body language and her feelings, almost from the get-go. Some specifics and quirks elude him, and he almost completely misses her attraction to him, but almost everything Bella is feeling from Twilight he also picks up on. So the Team Jacob fans that insist that Jacob is better because he is a better reader of Bella may not have that much of an argument after all

“Like a stalker. An obsessed stalker. Like an obsessed vampire stalker.” And like Bella, Edward is iconically hilarious in the best way possible. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Aaaaaand Alice has her Vampire!Bella vision and everyone is 😮 at Edward falling for Bella. Still wish that Edward would be in denial of his obvious feelings for a while longer, since it’s so much fun

Not antis complaining about how Midnight Sun’s added scenes on Bella’s selflessness and her friends being awful were ~retcons by Meyer…bitch, in Twilight it was clear as day her friends were fake. Normal, but fake. Angela excepted. And Bella’s kindness/self-abnegation was more than established, although there it was focused mostly on Bella’s shielding Angela from Jessica’s prying and setting up Mike/Jessica.

“Obviously the meteorite was just a metaphor for all the unlikely things that could go wrong.” Obviously, but your antis have never been the sharpest tools in the shed in terms of reading comprehension, Edward, so don’t even bother—oh, you meant yourself. Meyer definitely is doing some meta here.

“Edward…Stay.” God, I do want to see this scene dramatized in the TV show in an Edward POV flashback episode. Imagine Edward wrestling silently with his self-loathing, about to leave her room and possibly Bella for good, and then Bella speaks his name. He whirls around, shocked, and the way it’s framed the viewer almost believes she has woken up, but Bella is obviously sleeping. And telling him to stay. And Edward being all 😮 🥺 💗Beautiful…except the TV show would absolutely ruin it somehow

Edward not realizing that Bella is (obviously) turned on by him is just perfection. He is as oblivious to his own beauty as Bella is to hers and it makes for a great parallel. Only difference is he does contemplate whether Bella is attracted to him a little

“Staring at her mouth made me feel strange.” I swear, Edward is so much more naïve than Bella about anything romance. Homegirl owned her crush and acquitted herself very well all things considered. Meanwhile Edward is emotionally flailing like an angsty Kermit every single page, doing a “I wonder why?” every few seconds

“Sometimes, when he stares at me, I’d swear he’s thinking of killing me. Freak. Mike wasn’t entirely unperceptive.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

“She wore a deep blue blouse today” It has begun

“Bella winked?” Yes, Edward, and so did you, you fucking V tease. Both of you wink at people because you two are birds of a feather, flocking together. Two dorks, both alike in love clownery

Edward 🤝 Juliet —> “Soft perfection” & “Dear perfection” Don’t think I didn’t notice, Meyer!!!

The flirtatious waitress!!! Am enjoying her so much more this time around. Usually I like Bella’s Port Angeles chapter than Edward’s, but this shit reads great in both POVs

“Aside from my worries about her sanity, I began to feel a swelling of hope” 10/10 sentence, no notes

“She dreamed of me. I wanted to dream of her.”🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 “I could not dream of her. She should not dream of me.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Edward empathizing with Angela and wanting to pair her up with Ben (and succeeding!) warms the cockles of my cold, dead heart. It’s so great that his 100-year-old cold haughty shell is finally melting and giving way to the 17-year-old simp he is

“Running a house is time-consuming, and I usually had a part-time job, too, not to mention school—” Fuck anyone who hates Bella because she is ~boring, fuck them to hell and back. Homegirl was run so ragged she didn’t have time for herself, much less date. It’s a wonder she had hobbies to begin with (Edit: Aaaaaand the reason Bella hates birthdays is because her mother was shitty at giving her what she wanted and she had to pretend to like them. The fuck)

But on that note, I’m really loving all of Bella’s answers to Edward’s questions, almost easily the best part of the book, and canon-compliant with Twilight. Bella herself comes out as much more winsome, bright, and quirky through Edward’s perspective, traits that were less emphasized in her POV for obvious reasons. Even the stupid antis acknowledge that

Clown Antis: “Edward ~forced her to leave everything she wanted!1!1!!1” Literally Edward: “I realized how important it was for me to know her plans for the future. So I didn’t derail them. So I could shape this unlikely future into the best version to suit her.”

Bella being initially alarmed at Edward in the sun is possibly a retcon. In Twilight she did say the sight was “shocking,” but I thought it was mostly in a romantic way. But it does make sense lore-wise that she would think of him on fire at first. This is Edward’s POV, so he could just be assuming that is Bella’s alarm. Still, I wonder why Bella would skip over the extended “You aren’t repulsed by my flagrant lack of humanity?” exchange. I guess she took it for granted she wasn’t afraid????

Edward counting insects in the meadow etc. is just so…not really hilarious in context. The parodies made it seem like he was some neurodivergent nerd. In actual context he was just trying to distract himself from Bella’s scent.

“Better to see myself as the whole, bad and good, and work with the reality of it.” So mature and much better than anything else in this genre. Edward is growing and learning

“Regardless, I have better reflexes.” You’re (still) a whore, Edward. Nice to know that hasn’t changed.

[haejaetae-recs]

Favorites

(All fics tagged here!)

Here I've compiled some of my favorite works by some of my favorite writers. I'll add a lot more detail to this masterlist including brief descriptions and my input as found in my reblogs.

Also, if you happen to enjoy their work as well, please support them however you can!

← Back

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Quarantine Chronicles by @domjaehyun | Jaehyun, Johnny, Jungwoo, Jaemin, Mark, Jeno, Haechan | 3 pts. 126.7k total | M | roommates au, fwb, uni au

Fourteen days, five roommates, and five remarkably high sex drives. what could go wrong?

I'm obviously a Jaehyun simp but while reading this, I found myself so immersed in the other characters as well (especially Jaemin OOF he's such a freak 😭). Part 1 is basically 20k word long filth smut LOL so like I always say, be warned!

Pussy Fiend by @domjaehyun | Haechan | 2 pt. 68.9k total | M | roommates au, fwb, f2l, some dubcon be warned, uni au

The title truly does explain it all lol. Another @domjaehyun hit. The dynamics not only between HC and MC but all the roommates *muah*. The tension: outstanding. The smut??? *cries*. Yeah, this fic deserves the hype. Part 2 is a must-read.

Bitch Hunters by @tyonfs | Dream '00 line | 4 part series | M

huang renjun, lee jeno, lee donghyuck, and na jaemin are determined to have girlfriends by the end of their college years, but that’s easier said than done when they’re known as the biggest players on campus.

besties (gone sexual) by @tyonfs | Jaemin | 43.4k | M | best friends, fwb2l, slowburn

The final (and longest) installation of the bitch hunters series. Each part is a different dream 00 line member and can be read separately, although they are all a part of the same au. I do recommend reading the prologue found in the series masterlist first!

Na Jaemin, resident playboy and serial heartbreaker on campus, thinks he might have a crush on you [, his] best friend of seven years...

I could say so much about this fic series. I'm lowkey attached to every Tyonfs character I've ever read about. I loved every part, but Jaemin's hit especially hard, probably because of the length (that's what she said). It's not only the amazing story between Jaemin and his girl, but also expands the au so much and brings it to life. The ending made me feel like I was watching the finale of the last season of a TV show. So so good. Like I said, the parts can be read separately, but they're stronger when read in order. <3

Use Me by @yutaholic | Taeyong | 19k | M | bbf

You've had a crush on Taeyong, your brother’s best friend, for as long as you can remember, a crush made worse by the fact he’s completely off-limits. When Taeyong suddenly confesses you haven’t been alone in your feelings, you start sneaking around to be together, risking it all not to get caught.

One of my favorite Taeyong fics of all time *chef's kiss*. I love that the story is so heavy on the mc's life and development without taking too much away from the romance.

no one wishes at the snow by @neoculturetravesty | Jaehyun | 18k | M | fake marriage, single parent

Marrying for love was for the fortunate few. Marrying for love happened in fairytales and movies and dramas. Not real life. In real life, everyone married for convenience.

<Husband Jaehyun3 <3 So unique and well-written! If you're looking for a really good fic to take you on an emotional ride, this is the one!

cat & mouse by @tyonfs | Jaemin | 17.7k | M | uni au, fwb, brother's best friend, athlete/sports

rule number one of bro code states that sisters are completely off-limits, and, y/n, we just pushed that limit.

This fic is perfection, honestly. Idk why I didn't add it to this list sooner, seeing as the series was one of the first things I rb'd on this blog.

this is (not) easy. by @mrkis | Mark | 13.2k | M | uni au, fwb, bffs2l

Getting into a friends with benefits situation with your all time best friend was so (not) easy...

This is why I love the fwb trope so much. Angsty but not too angsty, and the smut scene where he makes love to y/n before trying to end things/confess. UGH. Big D Mark 4ever <3

Freaks by @2jaeh | Jaehyun | 8k | M | uni au, social difference, cheating

The campus bad girl has her eyes set on the preppy good boy, and she always gets what she wants...

Freaks: The Prequel by @2jaeh | Ten, Taeyong | 11.8k | M | uni au, fwb, revenge, 3some, mxm

A story of why the entire campus were almost certain that you Taeyong and Ten were in a poly affair. 

I adore the dynamic between TaeTenY/n, and I enjoyed reading Jae's internal struggle not only with his feelings toward mc but also with himself!!! Tbh, I get second lead syndrome from TY even though he's not meant to be a second lead, so I find myself gravitating towards the prequel, haha. 3 biases, one au. Really does it for me.

Playing the Game by @sluttyten | Taeyong | 11.7k | M | uni au, fwb, f2l, just a tiny bit angsty

Taeyong’s been your best friend for a few years now, but sometimes it gets a little hard to just be his friend. you’re at university and there’s no better time to blur that line between friends and a little bit more, to make your lives just that much more messy. 

Friends helping friends ahahah... I love his character in this a little too much and reread this fic when I'm having Taeyong brainrot. Perpetually in my TY era.

Pretty Boy by @ncteez | Mark | 9.3k | M | social differences

[Upon] realizing your grades have dropped drastically due to [your] lifestyle, you have no choice but to approach Mark for help. 

Hot nerd trope gets me weak in the knees every time LOL especially when the smut is this good *chef's kiss*

Mine too by @waithyuck | Haechan, Jaehyun | 7.5k | M | poly, mxm, 3some

Despite being in a consensual poly relationship with you and Jaehyun, Haechan is reluctant to touch you. You start to think he doesn't care for you until something switches in him after one steamy night...

My ults in a poly fic l- this was meant for me to find. Read this one multiple times and I think about it a lot because it exposed me to poly mxm and literally changed me LOL. Also, I loveeee how there's this sense of tenderness and fondness underneath the pure lust and desire between hc and mc.

In Your Arms by @sluttyten | Jaehyun, Mark | 6.5k | M | uni au/frat, fwb, are we seeing a trend with me and fwb fics???, 3some, a lil mxm, Halloween

(Part of the author's kinktober) Mark finds out you've been secretly hooking up with his and your other best friend, Jaehyun; Mark has a secret(s) of his own.

“Are you two not fucking? I thought this was an all three of us kind of thing?” THAT LINE ALMOST TOOK ME OUT I SWEAR LMAO. I keep coming back to this one ngl. The dynamics are just so unique and well done and I'm a sucker for service top Markie hehe <3

Still wondering how long those two had been at it tho... 🤔

late night driving by @jjsneo | Chenle | 5.6k | M | roommates

Chenle swears he’s going going crazy with cabin fever inside your shared house — and there’s no way you’re saying no to a late night drive with the roommate you so desperately have a crush on. who cares if his original story was a lie and, secretly, he just wanted to be alone with you.

DAMN. Chenle smut is so scarce around here, but THIS alone makes up for that, lol. I love how sweet it started out. The smut part lowkey caught me by surprise. Once again DAMN. Please read this.

amortentia (the room smells like absolute shit) by @tonicandjins | Haechan | 2.8k | hogwarts au, e2l-ish, cute stuff ♪(´ε｀*)

It’s no secret that the ongoing cat-and-mouse game between you and Slytherin House’s very own Lee Donghyuck remains unceasing from the day you and him were sorted five years ago to this day...

At the time of me reading this, I'm playing Hogwarts Legacy and am OBSESSED. On top of that, I'm a Ravenclaw, and this whole blog's aesthetic is inspired by HP (hence the dark academia). Anyway, this was really cute, and I love school crush tropes, especially when it's paired with enemies to lovers, I just- *sigh* Having knowledge of the series definitely makes this more enjoyable, as I was imagining everything happening and the surroundings.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Have you read the NYT piece on Taylors sexuality? Would love to know if you have any thoughts?

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/04/opinion/taylor-swift-queer.html

I didn't think it was a good piece - and I think it was wildly inappropriate for anyone to write that for the NYT or the NYT to print it.

The piece is far too long and because of that length it has many contradictory ideas. This is probably best seen through the fact that it seems to want to argue that reading Taylor Swift is queer is legitimate (it's possible to do a great version of that article), present proof that Taylor Swift is queer, and argue that it's a problem that people aren't reading Taylor Swift as queer. Given current understandings - it's impossible to make a coherent argument for all these at the same time and the arguments frequently undercut each other.

You can see this in the many false endings of the piece there's a paragraph above the picture of Taylor in her reputation outfit - which is basically 'queer readings must be seen as possible'. Perfectly fine ending, reasonable thing to say. But then the last section opens: "I remember the first time I knew I had seen Taylor Alison Swift break free from the trap of stardom." And the certainty is never undermined, even though the argument is incredibly flimsy (basically there is only one possible understanding of Hits Different).

The Hits Different argument - which doesn't seem to consider the possibility that the narrator could be talking about herself with the line 'argumental antithetical dream girl' is part of a really unsophisticated reading of Taylor Swift's work. The reference to anti-hero - which turns the sexy baby/monster on a hill into a statement about how she's supposed to look rather than how she feels - simplifies the song massively.

The fundamental problem (as is so often with these sorts of pieces) was that this was someone whose thoughts had been developed in fandom and was responding almost entirely to fandom discourse. Fandom works in binaries - there is only one legitimate reading and therefore in order to prove your argument is legitimate you need to show that other readings aren't. But that's definitely not a cultural discussion of queerness and celebrity. It reads to me like she's not self-aware enough to separate what she desperately wants to say about fandom, and what is a cultural argument that is appropriate for this forum.

**************

And I disagree with some of the really basic premises of the argument - that she's too cowardly to make explicit - which is that outting is OK.

Taylor Swift has not come out - and this article includes a list of reasons why this person thinks she's gay - and ends with a claim of knowledge.

Lets stick to basics - if you think there's reason to believe that a celebrity was going to come out and didn't - then it's totally OK to talk about that with your friends. It's not OK to write an article about it in the New York Times. If someone doesn't

Likewise - the point of queer coding is that only people who are familiar with queer culture will pick it up. It's a fucked up thing to do to translate queer coding to a wider audience - because the whole point is that the person doing it only wants to speak to those who know.

One of the bizarre things about the article is that it seems to take as a starting point that things only exist if they're talked about in the New York Times. It asks the question about what queer people who see queer themes in her work are supposed to do and suggests the answers are: "Right now, those who do so must inject our perceptions with caveats and doubt or pretend we cannot see it (a lie!) — implicitly acquiescing to convention’s constraints in the name of solidarity."

The idea that the only options are lying or talking about why you think a celebrity who is not out is queer in the pages of the NYT is completely bizarre - and erasing so much of queer culture. Speculation about the sexuality of prominent figures is definitely queer culture - but not done on broadcast - done within queer communities. To me that so invalidating of what happens within queer friendships and queer communities to say that the only options are lying or stating your opinion in the pages of the New York Times.

There is nothing wrong in seeing queerness in Taylor's life and work. There's nothing wrong with talking about the queerness you are seeing in Taylor's life and work - even for major publications. But the certainty - the idea that your responses are only valid if you can prove that you're right about someone else's experience - I think that's damaging for the person that is making the argument, the person they're talking about, and queer culture more generally.

[darklinaforever]

You know, I hate when people say that the only redemption for Thomas was death because he was an irredeemable monster and slept with his sister… Like, his redemption was very good in the movie, but do people at least realize that he is talking about a man, once a child who experienced countless abuses from his parents, that his only protection was his older sister, who in fact developed domination over him, and probably influenced him when they were younger to be together on an intimate /sexual level, let's not be afraid of words, probably groom, and to extract from him some kind of inviolable oath implying that they should never separate ? That he was clearly on her side as much because he loved her as he was afraid of her ? The girl has had influence and mental dominance over him since childhood… Are people aware that it's not easy to get rid of such influence even as an adult ? (I mean… Lucille literally sings him a lullaby like a child when she sleeps with him from what I remember…) Do I even need to remind you that Thomas never killed on his own, with his own hands ? Even if he let Lucille do it, it all stems from an influence and dominance that dates back to childhood. Please note, I am not saying that as an adult, Thomas did not make his own choices. I'm simply saying that his choices arise generally from Lucille and the influence she has had over him for so many years. Edith is literally the one who broke the infernal cycle and gave him the courage to finally act against his sister. He was not bad-hearted and devoid of morals. Thomas was actually quite pure in his genre despite the situation he was in. He knew what he was doing was wrong and clearly didn't like doing it. He knew his sister was in trouble, but loved her and was too afraid of her to dare act against her. If he was irredeemable, he would not have found peace in death. A character like Thomas could totally have redemption or he lives in another context (or hypothetically if Edith's friend had used his connections so that Thomas would get away with it in the eyes of justice, perhaps ?). I'm tired of hearing that he absolutely deserved to die.

[Thomas has his eyes mostly open, looking at her, and his smile, when he is intimate with Edith during their love scene. During the scene with Lucille, Thomas has his eyes still closed...]

And be careful, I'm not saying that Lucille didn't suffer in her life either. She suffered from the same problems as Thomas, and probably worse from their parents, since she protected her little brother in addition to suffering. But unlike Thomas, Lucille has become a monster, and truly irremediable. That's why his ghost is black at the end and Thomas's isn't. In the end, the promise between the two is broken. They are separated, and Thomas is free from Lucille, in peace.

I also always see tons of people wondering why Thomas chose Edith, because she wasn't like his and Lucille's previous victims, but the answer is pretty obvious...

Thomas never lied to Edith about his feelings for her in the first place. He loved Edith and that's precisely why he chose her. He was simply selfish in wanting a little happiness / sunshine in his shitty / dark life, perhaps even thinking that he would manage to avoid the same fate as the other wives. Lucille was also very reluctant to agree to take Edith.

I love the whole prediction of their relationship in the love speech Thomas gives to her at the beginning of the film. There is a bond between their hearts, and if it breaks, he will die, and she will eventually forget him. To which Edith replies that she won't, she will never forget him. And that's exactly what happens in the film. Their hearts are linked by a bond, it breaks when Edith learns the truth, Thomas dies, but Edith will never forget him and will end up dying, as she predicted at the beginning of the film, a widow.

Also, I'm tired of people saying that Edith was too pure for Thomas, so it's impossible that she really loved him… People really need to stop with the concept of purity, because It's annoying after a while. It's well known that a pure girl falls in love with a dark man. Also, the film is once again a gothic romance! If you can't stand romances who are dark, don't watch a gothic romance !?

“Don’t underestimate the lord of darkness, even the purest heart will join to it.” - Klaus Mikaelson.

[unquietspiritao3]

Interrupting Your Irregularly-Scheduled Fic-Related Content with An Extremely Long Note on The Situation in British Comedy

Hi there. If you don’t want to read about my thoughts on everything happening in the British comedy scene at the moment, feel free to give this a skip. I totally understand needing to take a step away from such things. But I felt it was important to address, given some of the characters in my stories are based on the people involved/being criticized. I’m also going to link this post in the author’s note of my next chapter update, but feel free to share it before then with those who might not be on Tumblr.

CW: non-detailed mentions of transphobia, sexual assault, and childhood sexual abuse

Okay. I think to start, I need to explain a few of things about me.

First, as I alluded to in the opening author’s note for Should’ve been obvious, I am just an American with a moderate obsession with British panel shows and not enough time to keep up with the entire British comedy world. I jumped into writing in this fandom with huge gaps in my knowledge, which was possibly not wise.

Second, as a way to protect my own mental health and under the advice of my therapist, I’m what you might call ‘terminally offline.’ Before I reactivated this blog for the purpose of sharing fic inspo, I had not been on social media for over a year. I still don’t use it outside of Tumblr, where I follow a very narrow selection of blogs that mostly post Taskmaster gifs (love you all, btw). I don’t watch or read the news. I have systems in place with my friends and family to keep me informed when something really big happens, but outside of that, I am purposefully oblivious. The consequence of this is that I did not know about the two situations I’ll be discussing until I saw some stray posts this past weekend, and that’s why I didn’t address it before.

Third, I always (to a fault, my friends would say) give absolutely everyone the benefit of the doubt and see the best in people until they prove otherwise—and even then, even while holding them accountable and removing them from my life if need be, I try to be compassionate. That’s not going to change; it’s just who I am.

Now for the two situations, my thoughts on them, and their impact on my writing.

The Richard Ayoade Thing

I’ve said before that I’m genderqueer (she/they, equally happy with both, btw). I’m not down with transphobia. But I’ve read that Richard is a separate-the-art-from-the-artist kind of guy, so his personal views aren’t entirely clear to me. That said, the blurb he gave makes me uncomfortable because to me it seems to imply he does agree with the views in the book. I don’t know much about Richard and haven’t consumed much content with him other than Big Fat Quiz and some random clips of various shows, so please point me to anything that would confirm or refute this. For now, I’ll leave it there. In terms of my writing, this isn’t as big of a deal, since the Richard character isn’t central to anything and could be easily retconned out if I wanted to, but I’ll talk more about the writing at the end.

The Noel Fielding Thing re: Russell Brand

Like most Americans, I was introduced to Noel through GBBO. (Well, to be fully honest, I watched the Buzzcocks spanking clips long before then, because those get passed around in spanko circles, but I didn’t know, or care, who the guy in both of them was at the time. It took awhile for my crush on him to develop.) I’ve actually never seen The Mighty Boosh or much of Noel’s standup; he’s just a bit too surreal and nonsensical for me to enjoy when he’s in complete creative control. I’ve watched interviews going back to the time he was promoting Luxury Comedy, all his episodes of Big Fat Quiz, and some episodes of Buzzcocks, in addition to GBBO. I knew he and Russell Brand and had good on-screen chemistry, but I had no idea they were off-screen friends to some degree (at least, they were in the past; more on that below) until this weekend. I also didn’t know that Noel was ever accused of being in a relationship with a 16-year-old when he was in his 30s. I experienced sexual abuse throughout my childhood. Obviously, if that accusation is true, it’s completely unacceptable regardless of the legality in the UK and I will no longer be a fan of Noel.

But rather than try to break down all my complicated feelings on this situation regarding Noel, I’m just going to link to this post, which I agree with 100%, including the part about respecting people who feel differently. The two follow-up posts on the same blog give some good additional info/thoughts. I’m working on doing my own digging, trying to find anything relevant, including the source of the claim that the then-girl in the supposed relationship denied it too. No luck there so far, [EDIT: shared what I found here and it’s in Noel’s favor!] though I have discovered that she (now a woman in her 30s) and Noel currently follow each other on Instagram, and that Noel doesn’t follow Russell Brand (nor can I find a time Noel mentioned him after 2020, right about when it seems like Brand’s right-wing conspiracy-theory crap started). Make of that what you will. Personally, it makes me give Noel the benefit of the doubt unless and until further info is revealed.

Somewhat of a side note: It seems like people are most upset about the lack of a public statement from Noel, specifically. However, what I find odd overall is how there hasn’t been a real statement from any big-name British comic. Lou Sanders was basically strong-armed into saying some stuff in an interview that was supposed to be about her book. Katherine Ryan is very clear she doesn’t want to speak about it despite being the one that called him a predator on Roast Battle years ago. There’s this article about the problem in comedy more generally which several female comics are quoted in, and this one from 2020 including Fern Brady (highly recommend you read both if you can stomach it) but no specific quotes on Brand from names I recognize even there. Radio silence. UK people, can you tell me, is this normal because of the libel laws you all have? From what I understand, it’s much, much easier to be sued for defamation against a public figure and lose over there than over here. Should we expect to wait for an arrest or conviction (if that happens) before people feel safe commenting? Or what is going on?

Impact on My Writing and Final Thoughts

I’ve been having a hard time mental-health-wise, these past few days, reconciling the human need to connect to art with the fact that all art is created by imperfect humans and you simply cannot know what is in someone else’s head or past. That includes my own art. I want it to be an escape for you all, for you to feel safe reading it, but like everyone else, I’m imperfect, and part of that imperfection is not knowing what to do.

At least for now, I’m going to be focused on More than that, and Noel and Richard have never been in the plan to appear in this fic. As for the future, I’m undecided. I feel like I need more info, but I also recognize that we might not ever get real answers.

The sad truth is that writing fanfic always comes with the risk that the thing you’ve been inspired by is later revealed to be problematic. Even if not with these two, something could come to light at any time about any of these people we base our characters on. That last Guardian article I linked should give everyone chills.

I think the best I can do with the info I have today is to say I’m writing about a fictional universe populated with fictional characters, and my use of real people to inspire those characters does not mean I endorse their actions or beliefs; past, present, or future; known or unknown to me at this time. I also want to say, though, that I respect anyone who feels they can’t engage with certain fandoms or fics. Trust me, I do understand.

Take care of yourselves. I care about you so much, internet strangers. 💜

edit: linked the wrong article quoting fern, so added that

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: Queen of Dreams by Kit Rocha

3.75/5. Releases 8/6/24.

Vibes: FFM, grumpy/pretend grumpy/sunshine, coming to terms with oneself, dark/light

Heat Index: 8/10

Now that Sachi and Zanya know their true identities--the embodiments of Creation and Destruction, respectively--the challenge is staying alive and harnessing their abilities. What Sachi's dragon god husband Ash wants most is to protect both women; but as the Betrayer lures Sachi into his clutches, he must work with Zanya to harness her dangerous abilities so that they can rescue (and fully awaken) the woman they both love.

This is the direct sequel to Kit Rocha's Consort of Fire, which introduced Sachi and her handmaiden/assassin/longtime lover Zanya as she was forced to marry Ash. Who not only turned out to be great, actually, but more than willing to accept Sachi and Zanya's relationship. Actually, he embraced it, falling in love with Sachi and becoming quite intrigued with Zanya... who was equally intrigued with him, if conflicted because, you know, she was supposed to kill him after Sachi seduced him.

It was great to see these three as a united front this go around, even if Sachi did spend a lot of time physically apart from her lovers. At least they were on the same side! The world spun in these books is so interesting, and I'd be happy to read more of it. Ash and Zanya are both such compelling characters; though she's a lot angstier than he is (which is saying something, as Ash isn't without his angst) there's this teasing that they're two sides of the same coin, just as Sachi and Zanya are... Albeit in different ways. They're both monsters that really get each other.

Which is why, for all that I enjoyed this book, I was a bit disappointed with how Sachi-centric the triad remained. Don't get me wrong--I really do like Sachi. She's bratty and fun, and I love that a girly girl princess archetype was allowed to be spoiled and decadent and quite sexual... and loving and sweet and powerful. However, I would personally say that Sachi has the least going on in terms of personal growth in both books. And that's fine. Ash and Zanya just have a lot more conflict and darker temptations in terms of power, and more disturbing pasts. All of those things just make them naturally, more interesting to follow.

And to be clear--I don't expect these books to dial back Sachi and Zanya in favor of Zanya and Ash. Although I believe that these women love Ash and he loves them, Zanya and Sachi have known each other way longer. Their relationship is really the crux of these two books. I don't want to cast either woman aside and het up a fundamentally queer relationship.

However.... Sachi is literally physically separated from Zanya and Ash for a lot of this novel. And before she goes, Zanya is so conflicted about hurting Sachi during sex, what with the destructive powers that she doesn't have a hold on, that their sexual relationship has died down a good bit. And Sachi actually tells her, "Ash is super down to fuck you, and I totally think you should get yours". She TELLS Zanya to explore that relationship.

And... they get somewhat closer, I guess. There are teases. But while I do believe Ash and Zanya forge more of a bond, I never felt like the emotional or physical climax of their arc really occurred. Maybe that would feel more okay to me if there was this very clear, full-hearted three-person arc ONLY. But just as Ash and Sachi's relationship developed in the first book, and we've seen the heart of Sachi and Zanya's relationship throughout both... It felt important that we got to the third aspect. I just don't super think we did. I felt Ash's attraction Zanya growing into love, and Ash is in general a very caring character who is a bit more honest about his feelings. I felt Zanya TRUSTING him, but it fell short of the sense that she... got to the place that I think we were supposed to believe she got to at the end of the book.

Which frustrates me, as I do think this dynamic was begging to be explored, and was full of chemistry. We were left at the end of the last book with this idea that Ash knew that Zanya needed to be loved and held. I thought this book would explore that, and I especially felt like it would after Sachi was separated from the other two.

For me, it's less this need to explore Ash and Zanya on their own, and more this desire to see Zanya fully loved and adored on the same level that Sachi is. Additionally, it seemed to me that Sachi kind of got all this praise for being sooooo amazing throughout both books that... Again, I like Sachi! But it became a bit much. Like. I know.

It sounds like I'm just dogging this book out, but I promise that I liked it! I'm definitely going to read more of Kit Rocha. However, and this could be more of a personal preference thing than a right/wrong thing--when I read a triad romance, personally, I like to see all aspects developed. It just felt like Zanya and Ash's dynamic got the short end of the stick.

The Sex:

Obviously, this book was quite hot. There isn't as much actual sex on the page as there was in the last book... which again, kind of frustrated me, as I thought we would get more Zanya/Ash stuff... But the sex that's there is well-written and exciting. There's one scene towards the end that.... oof. It's memorable, and honestly worth the entire read, I'm not gonna lie.

Again--for all that I have my critiques, this is a good book, and if you liked Consort of Fire, you should obviously read it. We seemed to have reached the end for this triad, but I'd definitely read about more characters in the same world. And I want to check out other polyamorous romances by Kit Rocha; I'm curious about how they handle different dynamics. Either way, I'm reading more from them, and that's a win in itself.

Thanks to Montlake and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[acorpsecalledcorva]

Ok this is fucking amazing in this book I'm reading on Kink Magic (current special interest).

The couple who wrote it talk a lot about using invocation as part of sexual ritual, whether that's calling upon deities, demons, fictional characters, or something called aspecting.

They talk about aspecting the way we say "everyone has parts" but highlight that within a ritual or BDSM scene space this can be much more direct and compartmentalised than "work me" and "with family me", which is certainly true in my experience, even without switching parts.

But then they take it one step further. The wife, desiring to explore her gender identity, decided to segment her identity into 4 different parts. She bought a bunch of different clothes for each part, and used the clothes as a reinforcement to embody these aspects of her self and allow them to develop more fully.

After 6 weeks, however, one part took on a life of its own and started taking executive control. She ceased the experiment and integrated 3 of the parts together but that last one took about a year to fully reintegrate.

And it's just..wow..it's fascinating to read about this experience completely separated from plural and system spaces. We don't know anymore about this renegade part than what the author chooses to include in that segment. Even I'm tempted to feel sorry for that part wanting to be free and live a life of their own but the lens through which I'm viewing the situation is heavily influenced by current syscourse, it's a plural lens.

The author was never intending or attempting to be plural though, the goal was self development. To give repressed parts of her Psyche room to grow and become more herself than she was, and according to the author, this was a complete success! She was able to free and take ownership of her masculine and male energies, not taking from her feminine and female sides, only adding to the totality of herself.

And my favourite part about all this is it's exactly what I've done with both my system and my gender identity. The beginning of system discovery was all about giving names and voices to parts, giving them space and time to develop in the real world, learning about themselves and how they fit in the world. This created more dissociative barriers at first, made things less stable and harder to manage, but was honestly just growing pains.

The last year, instead, has been all about flattening out, taking ownership of each others aspects, becoming more like each other and lessening distinctions even if we aren't quite able to lower barriers yet.

It's so nice to be more vulnerable, more assertive, more playful, more confident, more emotional, more masculine, more feminine, and not have any of these things contradict each other, only complimenting each other and making each other stronger.

I think there's a lot to be said about system solidarity and advocating for ourselves as a community but I think there is a tendency to close the walls off around the community where it's a bit "system resources for system spaces approved by systems". Like, if a therapist has a different idea about how to do things than what the system community says is ok for a therapist to do then that means they're a bad therapist. Even when it's stuff from official guidelines.

And I'm just realising more and more how much stuff is actually out there that's totally applicable to systems and potentially really helpful even if it's for and by singlets. Dissociation can actually be really fucking cool and useful if you learn how to use it right, not just in response to difficult situations but in creative and productive ways too!

The truth is out there guys 👽

[thehandthatfollows]

I had to block this person. I want to be able to save her. But I can't save her. And my mental health cannot handle me being the person she could talk to as she stayed in the relationship for years, maybe forever. I cannot be the person who cannot do anything and yet comforts her. I cannot stand by and watch.

I know I am in a power exchange relationship with an age gap, but when a man in his twenty's marry a minor after a month of dating? UGH. I thought surely this must be another culture, but it wasn't. I wouldn't be ok with it if it was, but I'd be more understanding of it maybe? if that was common for girls to get married that fast that young? maybe.

My page is not for minors. None of my blog should be for minors. minors shouldn't be engaging in kink. I definitely had these interests as a minor going through puberty. I get that those desires exist. But if you are reading this, please wait before you act on those. wait until you are older. the only people who will do kink with you when you are that young are pedophiles.

I know people say age is just a number, and in some ways I agree. But you have such a gap in life experience. At 16 you are still in high school. You may feel grown up but you are very easy to manipulate. Saying that you are mature for your age is just a way people are manipulating you, or getting you to take on more responsibility than you are ready for. I don't think at 18 a switch is flipped and suddenly you will be good to go all the way into kink. You are now "legal" sure, but how are you different from 17 and 364 days? I still think you need to take it slow. You need to see what you like in fantasy, and maybe try some of it with a safe person. If you have a partner maybe share your fantasies with them and see how things go. try tasting things, with time you can go deeper. But don't go straight to 100% total power exchange relationship.

I'm not an expert on human development. I am not an expert on human sexuality. But I enjoy kink. Kink is fundamental to my own sexuality. But there are a lot of predators in this world, and sorting the good from the bad is hard, the real from the fantasy, the cnc from the abuse, because in this world the only thing separating the two is CONSENT. And you don't know until you retract that consent if your partner will honor it, and you don't want to be trapped if they dont care about your consent, whether by actual ropes, or by less tangible things such as housing, financial abuse, or mental abuse.