#i was SUPPOSED to have joker too >:/ but whatever

[silverwhittlingknife]

can we have a hint about what the spring break tim patrol chapter of red letter day contains? (you kept having dick say "if the joker shows up" and tim's "he won't." for me to be convinced that goes off without any trouble)

i'm sure it'll be fine. :D

i am delighted you're enjoying the story <333 i haven't updated it in soooo long but i got some very sweet comments lately so i have been looking at my scribbles again <3

[rosemaze-reveries]

During an interview, the manor guests suddenly get a question about you. (Part 2)

hello hello! here is part 2 as promised. there are less characters than I hoped to write, but in exchange each blurb is a little longer than pt.1 !

part 1 can be found here

🦌🪼🤡🦎🪞🤕🕯️🎭

Q. Could you describe your relationship with (Y/N)?

🦌 Bane rubs his chin, tracing his memory. "Hm... Indeed, I'm familiar with that name. I'd suppose that's someone I knew when I worked for the DeRosses." He crosses his arms with a low, contemplative grunt, as if struggling to remember anything else. "I'd need a photograph." I happen to have a couple on hand, and he takes them gently. A long period of silence follows. After leafing through the photos for some time, he says: "I remember. They were always talking about marriage." With you? "Mm. I was never interested, but I never said no. Eventually I made them a ring from a scrap of iron. I hoped they'd stop visiting me if I satisfied them... It's too dangerous to come to the forest everyday." Then he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a ring of his own. "In exchange, they gave one back." He's been cherishing it all this time, even when he'd forgotten its origin.

🪼 Ivy - "I'm no stranger to feeling like I'm missing my other half, you know. That sense of loss is one of the only constants I have left. (Y/N) fills my emptiness, and without them it increases twofold." I open my mouth to ask, Do you think you could be soulmates? but then my eyes dart to the Yithian and I realize my mistake. Sorry, was that insensitive? Ivy is not amused with my implication that she might be interested in claiming (Y/N)'s soul. "My dear interviewer, I am a scholar, not a monster. Whatever you're insinuating, you're gravely mistaken."

🤡 Joker's face suddenly hardens, in spite of the fragile, twiddling-thumbs demeanor he'd shown me thus far. His hands ball into shaking fists and his lips purse, as if he's psyching himself up for a fight. Are you okay? I ask, preemptively guarding myself with my clipboard. Tears brim his eyes and the strength falls from his shoulders. He mutters out, "All I wanted was to be their sword and shield, their angel of light, and they left me out of my mind. Hahaha... Wanna know the biggest joke of all? I'd let them drive me crazy all over again."

🦎 Luchino's mouth stretches into a lazy grin. "That one's a cutie, eh? Had the pleasure of meeting them yet?" I shake my head, reminding him that (Y/N) is the focus of my current investigation. I guess his laidback attitude fooled me into saying too much. He promptly straightens his back, the smile fading. "Yeah... Yeah, from one researcher to another, I get the intrigue," he says. "But I can't say I fancy another guy using my love as a test subject."

🪞 Mary - "Do you take pleasure in nosing around a lady's private affairs? I'd expect more tact, even for an interviewer." The chill in her tone startles me. I sputter out something in my defense, but Mary huffs and waves me into silence. "(Y/N) is enjoying the privilege of being my right-hand. They're my favorite one so far, too. I dismissed the others without a second thought."

🤕 Naib - "On good terms." Wringing out any insightful answers from this man is tougher than I thought. In hopes of inspiring more of a reaction, I tell a small lie: When I interviewed (Y/N), they described a rather colorful affection for you... Almost immediately, Naib breaks eye contact and crosses his arms. But I still only get a guttural "Hm." in response. Can you confirm if this is true? I press. His answer is, once again, a curt "Hm." (Slightly more affirmative, I would say).

🕯️ Philippe - "My work has always stood as a testament to my love," he caresses the wax figure grafted onto his shoulder, "but shielding someone in life is a far greater challenge than honoring my losses. My worries are endless." Suddenly reminded of his sister's tragedy, I offer a sympathetic smile. Do you believe (Y/N) is in danger? Philippe returns my smile, though I can't make out the intent. "Of course. Evil lurks around every corner. At the very least, it won't reach them while I'm around."

🎭 Sangria - A fond smile graces her face as she recounts her memory. "It was clear to me after some time that I had disastrously entranced them." Then she adds, lightly, "I hadn't meant to, of course. At the time, I thought, I'm not looking for love—no, I'd had enough of it all—but soon, their smile would appear in my mind every time I sang. When someone gives you that much inspiration? You'd be a fool to let them go." She has a playful tone of voice, but I can tell (Y/N) means a great deal to her.

[often-daydreaming]

Kind of a joke prompt.

I've read countless prompts and fics talking about how the Anti-Ecto Acts affect Danny, Dani, Dan, the heroes, etc, but what if it was just a random bunch of people coming up with a work around in order to finally get rid of a lot the supervillains that were protected by the law.

Like Ben (I don't know why I came up with Ben for this) and a couple of his friends start talking about how certain supervillains can get away with just about anything only to get a few months in prison when one of them brings up the Fentons who are one step away from being mad scientists. Anybody who ever went to school with them is bound to bring them up at least once but they get brought up and eventually everyone ends up joking about how many heroes have 'come back from the dead' since the everyday civilian would probably think they were on a vacation or doing some sort of undercover work whenever they aren't seen out in public for a while. Ben adds on to the idea by bringing up how many supervillains have come back from the dead and it kind of snowballs from there until it finally gets to the dumbest idea any of them have ever had.

How would you kill a ghost, zombie, whatever?

What would someone like the Joker even be considered since he's apparently died on a number of different occasions and is somehow so insane nobody can give him the death penalty. Wait... What was that about the Fentons... Their research... Huh??? Let me see that for a second... That could work... It could actually work. We just have to word it the right way, maybe make up a couple of things to make it sound scary but it could work.

It doesn't even have to be about the Joker. With the number of enemies Luthor has you can't tell me there isn't at least one rich person willing to jump on the chance of legally having a way to get rid of him for good. Cause he's faked his death before, been dying only to transfer his consciousness into a clone body and probably pulled off even more crazy things I don't know about and this insane idea might be just the thing they'd need to finally get rid of him since he'd no longer have any rights if the Anti-Ecto Acts pass.

But then they start hearing about a supposed ghost kid and what's this about a hunter in a mech suit and a biker with a sentient shadow. Obviously he's just a meta. The mech suit guy simply had way too much time on his hands and the biker has to be magic. Just look at the baby hero and his rogue gallery roughing each other up but the Fentons are screaming about ghosts again, they're even on the local news now so we have to double down on everything if we want this to work. Quick, grab a couple of guys and go act like Team Rocket until we've handled things over here. You're O, that's Q. He can be Z if he wants. I don't really care who does what just shove the alien squid whatever back into the portal before a Green Lantern shows up complaining about some sort of space law we've probably broke then go around telling everyone you destroyed it or something. They can't prove we didn't.

Remember, we're supposed to be the 'bad guys' people.

[nitewrighter]

When writers say the riddler is too silly for modern Batman stories, I wonder how much of that is code for “I can’t write good riddles”. I mean, even btas only had a few episodes with Eddie because Dini admitted they had a hard time coming up with them.

I suppose it brings up a problem with writing a character who’s supposed to be smarter than you.

It’s easy to have joker blow up a bunch of buildings.

You want to show a villain is tough, have them smack the heroes around a little.

You want to show a character is a genius, just have the build robots or time machines or whatever.

But very few can hit that intellectual sweet spot between “overly complex word puzzles so difficult Bruce has to pull the answers out of his butt” and “dopey puns that wouldn’t make popsicle stick standards”

I mean obviously the puns and silly little puzzles are a vital part of the Riddler, but you know, even if you can't write that, there are aspects of the Riddler that you can focus on that still feel true to the core of the character. I think the pathological need for attention can be a great focus for his character, and I think the Arkham Games did a fun job with that even if the majority of the 'riddles' were just in-game puzzles and him taunting you. There's also something to be said about like... certain facets of the Rogues basically getting offloaded onto the Joker because DC feels the need to jam Joker into everything to make it sell. Like, you have variations on Harvey's Two-Face origin story getting offloaded onto the Joker because of the Joker's (might not even be real because one of the Joker's whole THINGS is that he's an unreliable narrator) "Red Hood" origin story in The Killing Joke. So like, Bruce and Harvey are childhood friends, but then DC will bring in the Joker and kind of co-opt (one of) Harvey's origin stories to say, "Batman was, while unintentionally, intimately involved with the creation of the Joker." But like... the whole thing about the Joker is that we, as the audience, aren't ever really supposed to know why the Joker's Like That. That's the whole point of him having multiple "You wanna know how I got these scars?" stories in Nolan's The Dark Knight.

But like... take the Joker's obsession with being Batman's Ultimate Nemesis in The Lego Batman, for example--you actually have a lot of Batman's relationship with the Riddler in that particular interpretation of the Joker, because for the Riddler, it's all about proving himself as Batman's intellectual superior, and actually a major factor of their chemistry is that this obsession is significantly one-sided on the Riddler's end. And I think the Matt Reeves Batman also handled that "one-sided obsession" aspect of the Riddler really well, as well. Like, for Batman, it's all just mystery to solve and then you finally get to the Riddler and Paul Dano's Riddler is like "Wrow. I knew you'd find me because we're so alike and we're besties! It's allll for youuuu!" and then you have Batman fire back with "We're nothing alike--! Wait, I just remembered I'm also an off-putting loner freak. Uh oh." So like... there are ways to feel true to the Riddler even if you can't go full camp.

The Riddler WANTS Batman to find him. He WANTS Batman to solve his riddles because not only is that the only way he is 'seen' but he believes it also gives him control in how he is seen and who he is seen by--although it really doesn't because Batman has already made his assessment of "This is an egotistical loner freak who is desperate for attention and obsessed with me."

[bindeds]

do you have any more lucifer crumbs that you can give us please 🥺 i love you and the way you write him please never leave me

first of all, tysm for sticking around as long as you did babe! I appreciate you sm ♥️♥️♥️ and I’m so glad you like the way I write him! You really have no idea how much it means to me that you enjoy it. So sorry I haven’t been posting as of late, been working on an original book, and suddenly I got this spark for Luci.

it’s genuinely been so long since I played poker so I’m sorry if this is wrong but—

˚⟡  ˖  ࣪     ROYALLY  FLUSHED. L.MORNINGSTAR. —   fluff,  sfw, gn reader, 639 words;  you  play  poker  with  Luci  and  he  never  loses. Ever.

Cards fanned out under delicate fingers, masking whatever his lips might have told you without hissing a word. His eyes were willing victims of the spotlight he’d casted himself—he always had known his power, how the very snap of his fingers could cause whole worlds to collapse. But for now, the stare that wrought the very foundation of your technique were worlds enough for him, it seemed.

Lavender lids casted over what one might mistake for bored eyes in a split second’s glance, but the embers in his ruby eyes spelled something far worse—deception. Lust, even, if you only had two more seconds. But given the poker game in front of you, his gaze—as heated as they were—had merely been a shield. You couldn’t read him. Not in the haze of all the other things his pupils might have implied. Not even in his glimmering pink waterline.

The crease in your brow dented further before you flung your cards like it had been a last minute defense.

“Straight!” You declared, still eyeing him up and down and casting an ugly look upon him. 

Lucifer didn’t waver. You weren’t even sure if he had even bothered to look down at your cards, and if you hadn’t known any better you might have said he was almost hypnotized by you, the way his gaze clung to you even after the supposed end of the road.

“Oh, me? It’s nothing—just …” 

With the bow of his wrist, Lucifer revealed his cards to you, and you leaned forward so fast your chair screeched.

“A hand fit for a king, wouldn’t you say?”

“agh!”

Two red diamonds threatened to puncture thumb with the angle he held his cards at. The center cards were all red diamonds too, with an ace, joker and a ten. Lucifer’s cards were a king and queen. 

A royal flush. 

“Lucifer, I know you’re cheating,” you accused him, and his eyes blew wide immediately. “It’s impossible that you’ve won five times in a row!”

“My heart, I warned you fair and square! I’m telling you I’m not pulling your leg when I say I never lose a game of poker!”

“When was the first time you played before this?”

Lucifer coughed, fist to his lips as he tried to stifle it. His eyes zipped between you and the floor countless times before he’d finally spoke up again.

“I uh—when I was teaching—ahem—Charlie how to play.”

“That’s your first time?” You crossed your arms.

“Yes! I saw how the humans had done it once, and I never bothered to play until Charlie had asked me to teach her.”

“Huh …”

“She got frustrated too. I don’t know why I don’t lose.”

Your frown had no longer been one of vexation but one of puzzlement. You were at the cusp of a theory, the light of knowledge ever so close before a hand slithered down your shoulder.

“But hey, you know … I think it’s funny I got both a king and a queen. I haven’t had the other in so, very long …”

Lucifer’s hot breath caressed your cheek before a pillowed kiss was planted.

You looked to him, and those eyes returned again.

But this time, of course, his brows melted, bringing his gaze to a softer edge as he smiled the way the sun would at the horizon, presenting you the colors it held dearest in its burning core.

“Someday, when you’re ready, you wouldn’t just be my queen; if Charlie’s my little Morningstar, you’ll be the star I kneel to amongst all the other ones in the vast night, wishing for just a moment more with you. For even when you give me all your waking days, I find it is not enough.

“It is not enough for how much I burn to always be with you.”

bonus : Lucifer never loses because gambling is the devil’s game 🤭

taglist: @saints-wrapped-in-plastic

[snaillock]

prompt 1 and/or 6 w Shidou or Karasu x male! reader? i’m fine w gn! as well :)) thank youu <33

this was supposed to be a halloween themed fic since i got this in october but….. also can’t believe ive never written for shidou b4 holy shit

prompt 1: "what are you do-" "look, now we match!" (feat. shidou ryusei) tags: male!reader

event masterlist

you stood outside in the dark for god knows how long until you finally saw your boyfriend’s car pull up to the curb. you opened the door and quickly got in to escape the cold.

“took you long en- ah! oh god!” you yelped as you took in the sight before you. your odd eccentric little boyfriend, shidou, in the driver’s seat. not only was his face completely covered in face paint, making his usual tanned skin completely white, but it also had a red line of lipstick smeared across his lips, paired with dark smokey eyeshadow. all of that topped off with bright green hair worn down which was a very rare sight.

“jesus christ ryu… why do you look like that? why are you dressed as the joker?” you asked frantically, “don’t we have a party to get to right now?”

“chill out babe… it’s a costume party anyway,” he grinned at your startled reaction, “i didn’t tell you before ‘cause you would totally back out if i did.”

“yeah, you’re right. i definitely would,” you let out a resigned sigh before running your fingers through his now neon green hair. “did you really dye your hair for this costume?” you asked.

“don’t worry,” shidou said nonchalantly, slightly leaning into the touch, “it’s just a temporary dye. one wash and i’ll be back to normal.”

“right, ‘normal,’” you muttered before checking if any green got on your hand. which thankfully, none did. “well i don’t have any costume and i don’t wanna be that fucking guy who shows up to a costume party with no costume so i guess we just gotta cancel plans.” you said, in hopes you can finally escape the party you just didn’t feel like attending.

“wait! don’t worry, i got the perfect thing for that! just close your eyes,” shidou said before rustling through a shopping bag he had in the back seat.

“oh god,” you mumbled before hesitantly closing your eyes, “what are you do-“

you grunted when your words got interrupted by his hands slipping something onto your head and over your face.

“tada!” he said triumphantly as he released whatever hard plasticky material he just placed over your head, “look, now we match!”

you glanced at the overhead mirror to see a mask now on your face, specifically a batman mask. the hard black material stopping right above your nostrils. it suited the long black coat that you just so happened to wear tonight very well, too well actually.

“ryu… are we really going to this party as batman and the joker?” you said apprehensively as you stared at yourself in the mirror with a subtle scowl, unsure of going out like this.

“yeah, come on! it’s just another one of my genius ideas.” he leaned over and wrapped his arm around your shoulders while you glared at him, knowing how his “genius” plans usually go.

you rolled your eyes, though deep down his antics had you feeling slightly amused. you then sighed, “oh what am i gonna do with you, ryu?”

he admired the way you two looked in the tiny mirror with a large grin on his face exaggerated by his dramatic makeup. “god, we look fucking awesome. we’re gonna be the hottest couple in there.”

he then gave you a big and obnoxiously loud kiss on your cheek, leaving a red lip print behind, before starting up the car.

“woah ryu, you’re about to cause a big scandal if batman gets caught kissing the joker.” you let out a soft laugh, playing into his antics, as you wiped the makeup off with your hand. the crack in your unsure demeanor only makes him laugh along with you.

“oh we are so winning the costume contest i signed us up for.”

“wait, you did what?!”

i looked up batman masks on google images and i’m giggling why do they look so fucking goofy

taglist(sign up here!): @leosxrealm @lucas2060 @kiiyoooo @remy-roll @maochira @catmisu @stxxrboy

[herarcadewasteland]

Spin, Dare, Hide.

A/N: The full first chapter of SDH! I'm back to being motivated so you get the full chapter after so long lmao

-18+, slight violence, swearing, jisung is a little shit, ateez kinda yandere towards the end

-ateez x reader, mentions of skz because Han Jisung is your bff

1 of 2 (We'll see how much more I write from today onwards)

this is TWELVE of 14 pages i have written lol... not edited or re-read

------------

Spin the bottle, hide and seek and truth or dare. Three separate games Jisung had decided to combine for a game he called SDH. Spin, dare, hide. The way it worked was a little too complicated for your liking, your head going blank as you listened to him explain it eight times over. You spin the bottle, the person it landed on is the seeker. You must do a dare they ask you and then you hide. You get a minute to hide. After that minute is done, your seeker has a time limit of 3 minutes to find you. If they find you, they do what they want with you. If you aren’t found, your past seeker spins the bottle and whoever it lands on swaps out and becomes the seeker. The game continues like this until either one person has not been found by anyone or the hider is found and “dealt with”, as Jisung phrased it. The only limit to the game was the extent of pain you could put a person through with your dare. You couldn’t ask your daree to hurt themselves or anyone else in an extreme fashion. The most you could ask would be a spank or a small slap on the face, even a slap on the wrist, forehead flicks included. That limit extended to the “do whatever you want to them” prize for finding the hider. The only pain you could inflict was determined before the actions were taken and done safely with consent. 

It was something you had played with Jisung, Chan and Hyunjin before, but sitting on the floor, listening to Jisung explain it all to Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho, Yeosang, San, Mingi, Wooyoung and Jongho, you wanted to be anywhere else but there. The confusion on their faces was visible, Jisung cackling as he explained the pain limits set in place. Feeling a gaze on you that you knew wasn’t Jisungs, as he was busy staring down Yeosang who had a small blush covering his face, you turned to look around. Looking past them all, you landed on Wooyoung. His gaze was… intense. He was always the flirty one but the look in his eyes was determined. Almost like he was taking the challenge of the game personally. When you met his eyes though, they cleared and he smiled at you brightly, a small one tugging at your lips in response until Jisung smacked you on the shoulder.

He was still rambling about the game and you vaguely heard a question directed at you, just nodding along as you got lost in your thoughts. It wasn’t until you heard someone choking on their drink and Jisung shouting at you in pride that you snapped back into reality and looked around the group in confusion. The reactions were different, but each man now had a darker look behind their kind eyes. Mingi had been the one to choke, his face beet red as he smacked his chest. Wooyoung sported a massive smirk, looking eerily close to the joker smile. Hongjoong was watching you look at them with curiosity and the others were all just slightly red in the face. San was the only one you could really tell what he was thinking. His lips parted as his breathing picked up, his legs crossed and he stared at you with darkened, hooded eyes. It was clear he was imagining what he could do to you if he found you but a sharp nudge from Seonghwa on his side made him sit up, his previous state gone entirely as you watched him with wide eyes. 

Jisung caught your attention again, his eyes as wide as yours as you looked at him with so much visible confusion. 

“What?”

“Did you even hear me?”

“Oh.. no… Was I supposed to? You were explaining the game. I know how it works.”, you raised an eyebrow at Jisung.

He only answered with a laugh, his arms wrapping around your shoulders as he continued to explain the little details of the game he created. He gave you no indication of just what you had agreed to when you were zoned out, his attitude more cocky than usual as he held you to him tightly. You huffed in annoyance and confusion as you sat, waiting for the explanation to be over. It took Jisung about three more minutes to finish explaining everything, questions answered and players ready. 

“Okay, someone grab a bottle! It’s time to play~”, Jisung cackled and rocked with you in his hold, your eyes rolling at his maniac-esk tendencies. 

“What did I agree to? I think it’s against the rules for me not to know.”

“Wrong! I made the rules, so for you, sweetpea, it’s not gonna harm you.”, Jisung planted a loud kiss on your cheek and you grunted, shoving him away to sit on the floor in front of him.

Yunho came back into the room with a bright smile and a half empty bottle of vodka in hand, followed by Yeosang who carried a bowl of snacks to the couch to share around. You accepted gratefully, munching on a small handful as everyone got settled in a circle, Jisung excluded. You called him a traitor as the last two settled down fully, the back of your head being smacked.

“Okay, now. Let’s start with a simple round of Truth or Drink. Don’t answer the truth and someone knows you’re lying, you drink. You get away with a lie and that’s that. Got it? Good. Jongho!”, Jisung pointed at Jongho as he shouted his name, the change in volume making you jump slightly against his legs, to which he laughed.

A simple hum answered him, Jongho leaning forward in his seat as Jisung copied him. His eyes darted down to you briefly before Jisung hummed obnoxiously loud, his eyes trailing back up to meet Jisung’s.

“Do you know who has the biggest dick?”

“Yeah.”, Jongho scoffed and turned his gaze to Seonghwa, “Hyung, did you eat my lunch yesterday?”

Seonghwa had the decency to look ashamed, his ears flushing red as he covered his mouth with his hand. He simply nodded and sat up straighter, staring daggers at Wooyoung who cowered away slightly. 

“Did you take my Star Wars Lego and re-gift it to me during the holidays?”

Wooyoung choked on air, his eyes widening in fear as Seonghwa stood from his spot, rage seeping from him as he made his way to the frantically mumbling Wooyoung. Hongjoong stopped them quickly but when Wooyoung muttered a small ‘yes’ before he booked it outside, Hongjoong had no hope against the force of angry Seonghwa as he barrelled after the culprit.

You sat in your spot, lips pressed together to stop the laughter from spilling through as Jisung cackled at your back, San looked unbothered, almost like he knew about the occurrences. The others looked slightly concerned for Wooyoung as scared screams from Wooyoung echoed as Seonghwa shouted profanities at him. Snacks were passed around as the chase continued outside and was soon forgotten as you ate, conversation flowing naturally until Seonghwa burst through the door with Wooyoung, a harsh grip on his ear as he dropped him where he was sitting previously. He retook his own seat, San patting his thigh comfortingly as Seonghwa huffed in anger. You let out a small giggle, the despair in his actions pulling it from you before you could stop it. The glare was turned to you quickly and you muttered apologies and bowed your head to him repeatedly, his glare leaving his eyes soon after as he calmed down fully.

“Oh Jisung~”, Wooyoung called out to your friend, “Have you kissed Y/n?”

Gasps filled the room and your jaw dropped, staring at the cocky look on Wooyoung’s face as he sipped his drink. Jisung hummed and ran his hand over your hair, your head shaking in response to the question before he grabbed the sides of it to stop you.

“No, but I can.”, he emphasized his point by planting a kiss on the top of your head, your jaw snapping shut as you punched Jisungs legs where you could reach.

“OK, since I asked someone already, San. Would you kiss one of the people beside you?”

You watched as his head turned to either side, glancing over his friends before he nodded, “Yeah. Probably would.”

A few cries of shock followed his answer, the two to his sides blushing red as they stared at the carpet below them. You smacked Jisung’s leg again, hand reaching for the snacks as the questions were passed between the rest of the boys. Soon enough, after a few angry chases through the backyard and a few insults here and there, your name was being called by Yeosang. You met his eyes easily, head tilted in question as you swallowed the mouthful of Doritos you had been crunching. 

“Would you make out with anyone in the room…minus Jisung?”, his eyes were curious as he held your gaze but you could feel the weight of the others’ darkened eyes on your frame as you thought for a moment.

With your eyes steadily on Yeosang, you licked your lips slowly, still thinking before you no longer had to, Yeosangs answering lip lick solidifying what you were, in all honesty, pretending to think about.

“Yes. In a heartbeat.”, your face lit up with a blush as they groaned, some shifting in their spots as others hid behind their hands to save face in front of you. 

“So why don’t you?”

“What?”, your head snapped to Jisung, a smirk playing at his lips as he watched the panic course through you. 

“Make out with one of them. I dare you.”

“This isn’t the game, Jisung.”

“Good thing a preliminary game of spin the bottle is next then huh?”

You groaned and smacked him, running your clammy hands over your face as you huffed out a breath of pure tension, “I think we get that you smashed together some games and forced us to play it for your pleasure.”

A few laughs greeted your ears, Jisung’s angry huff reaching you between the laughs before you had a smack landed on the top of your head. You groaned a little and rubbed your head, glaring up at Jisung from your spot. 

“Unnecessary!” 

“Shut up. Fine, we’ll just start the game. Since our dear Y/n decided to ruin our pre-game, she’ll spin first!~”, Jisung pushed you forwards slightly, your hands catching you as you fell forward. 

You sat upright with a huff and shook your head, reaching for the bottle that Yunho still held. The level of vodka in it had dropped and you raised an eyebrow, his sheepish smile answering all your questions. You let it go and set the bottle in the middle of your circle, sitting on your knees at arm’s length away from it, you grasped the body and spun it. Watching it spin, your heart rate picked up, the bottle slowly coming to a stop as you stared at it. You didn’t want to look away from it, if it had landed on him, you knew you would be found and there was no telling just what would happen. 

You felt all their gazes on you as you stared holes into the bottle, the neck pointing somewhere to your front right. A throat clearing made your shoulders jump, your eyes flicking away from the bottle in the general direction of Jisung behind you with a glare. You took a deep breath, staring at the bottle still. Exhaling sharply as you glanced up to meet your seeker’s eyes, you froze. You were fearing being seeked out by Wooyoung but seeing Hongjoong staring you down, head tilted down slightly and to the side as he smirked, his tongue peeking out between his teeth as he watched you, you knew you had been afraid of the wrong person. 

Red rushed over your face, a sympathizing chuckle coming from someone to your left and as you glanced over quickly, you were surprised to see Yeosang smirking at you in a similar way. The blush heated your face quicker, your cheeks burning as you glanced back at Hongjoong, who had shifted to kneel in his spot between Mingi and Jongho. You met his dark eyes, his head tilting further in silence as he picked up on your spike of fear.

“The captain first. How fitting! Now, you have to give her a dare! She can’t say no.”, Jisung interrupted your staring contest, your fear dying in your chest slowly as the look faded from Hongjoong’s face. 

A bright smile pulled at the captain's lips as he watched you closely, his hands clasping together on his thighs as everyone sat in nervous silence. 

“I dare you…”, Hongjoong met your apprehensive gaze as his darkened once more, Jisung at your back oblivious to the look as he flirted with San, “I dare you to go the rest of the night without your shirt on.”

Cat calls echoed around your head, your eyes widening as you held his gaze once more, his smile dropping into a smirk in a split second as you shook your head. 

“That’s unreasonable. I’m not-”, your denial was cut off by the sound of fabric ripping, your eyes darting down at the sudden chill on your torso only to see your shirt in two halves hanging around your hips. 

You gasped in shock, one of your favourite shirts ripped so easily but as you looked to the side to see Jongho and Yeosang with similarly hovering hands, you saw red.

“What the fuck?! I get this is a game to you all but I take destroying my possessions very seriously! So if one of you wants to stop and fucking think about how much I enjoy my possessions, that would be great!”

You were fuming. Your fists clenching as your chest heaved, eyes squeezed shut in anger while you tried to keep the tears away. Silence followed your outburst, gazes set on your form as Jisung rubbed your bare shoulders. 

“Well? Is anyone gonna say something? Anything to let me know that you aren’t complete assholes?!”

The continued silence made you huff, your eyes snapping open only to make eye contact with Seonghwa who was now kneeling in front of you, eyes darker than the night sky and swirling with an emotion you couldn’t quite place as his hand shot out to grip your chin between two long fingers. 

“I’d watch how you talk to us if you want to make it out later.”, his voice was deeper than you had ever heard it, rivaling Mingi’s as he leaned forward to whisper darkly in your ear, “You won’t be walking out of this house normally anyways, don’t make it worse for yourself, pet.”

He pulled away abruptly, his harsh grip leaving your face as it heated rapidly, his eyes brightening as he took his previous spot. All eyes were on you as you inhaled shakily, your eyes clearing of the anger that was previously swirling in them and instead fogging over in a headspace you never thought Park Seonghwa would be able to induce, even if just slightly as he promised you your demise. 

Jisung cleared his throat sharply, smacking his hands down on your shoulders. You jumped in your spot at the touch, your mind miles away from the current situation until that moment as Jisung began rambling off the rules again. 

“One minute to hide, as soon as you leave the room, Y/N, it’ll start. Hongjoong you have three to find her. You fail, you spin and swap out. Then it starts over until we either run out of men or our dear hider is found.”, Jisung made eye contact with everyone in the room, making sure they nodded before he slapped you over the head, “Get a move on! We only have so much time.”

You nodded slowly, avoiding the eyes of everyone as you stepped to the edge of the living room, your legs hesitating mid-step as you glanced back at Jisung for reassurance. Seeing his answering nod at your gaze, you sighed lowly and booked it from the room, your steps echoing as you clambered away from the heavy energy. Jisung’s shout for the timer starting had your heart quickening as you looked into every room you could, eyes searching for that perfect spot you knew no one would look in.

You even considered the trash can in the kitchen before you heard low laughs coming from the room across from it, looking up to see San watching you. The darkness in his eyes had you sprinting from any room even remotely close to the living room, your hands shaking as you considered just jumping in the shower or the linen closet and praying that whatever Hongjoong had planned for you was innocent and painless. 

You figured that closets, under beds, in the shower or behind curtains would be searched first, followed by behind chairs in corners or large piles of blankets or clothes, your mind racing with thoughts on how you could possibly hide in a way that would ensure you would be free to win the game and have the boys fight it out as they hid amongst themselves. Jisung shouted ‘20 seconds’ into the house, the slight murmur from the group dying down slightly as you froze, head turning around the room frantically.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Hide goddamnit!”, you scolded yourself, scanning every last corner of the room before you came up with a plan. 

Grabbing pants from the closet, you stuffed them haphazardly with pillows, standing them on shoes behind the curtains before closing them to create a space of darkness, Jisung starting a countdown from 15 seconds as you frantically stuffed another pair of pants to hold with you for your plan. 

“3!”

Your hands shook as you closed the door to the room, body pressed against the wall as tightly as possible to minimize the obvious gap when it opened.

“2!”

You held the pants and shoes in one arm, tucked against your chest as you covered your mouth with the waistband. 

“1!”

You heard shuffling from downstairs, your eyes closing as you tried to control your breathing. 

“Ready or not, here I come~”, Hongjoong’s voice carried up the stairs as he climbed them steadily, “I’ll find you sooner or later, bunny. You can hide, but you can’t run.”

The sharp edge to his words made you clam up, your hands slipping slightly and causing your elbow to knock against the door lightly. You gasped as quietly as you could, free hand clamping down harshly on your mouth as a shadow filled the doorway, the hallway light only silhouetting his figure as he opened the door. He swung it open slowly, his hand splayed on the wood as you waited for it to collide with your body. The hit was far from obvious as he left it to rest just centimeters from your body, his eyes narrowed and predatory as you shook slightly.

The curtain rings did you a favor, sliding slightly to adjust to the positioning and drawing his attention from the other side of the room. His smirk grew noticeably in the darkness of the room, the hallway lights seeming to glint off his canine as he stalked towards the curtains, his eyes trained down on the set of shoes just barely peeking from behind them. 

“Oh little bunny. You could’ve at least tried to get away~”, his smug look was wiped from his face as he violently pulled open the curtains, the noise allowing you to slip out of the room as Jisung shouted ‘2 minutes left’. 

The door creaked slightly as you snuck out of your spot, Hongjoong freezing as you booked it. A cruel laugh filled the air moments later as the sound of a door slamming shut took over the house. Shivers went down everyone's spines at the following laughter, his words making you stumble as you ran into the library room that was really just a desk and a few bookshelves. 

“If I find you, little bunny, you’ll wish you never ran. I’ll make sure of it. You’ll make such a pretty bunny for us, covered in our marks and drenched in our cum.”

He made no indication that he heard the door to the room squeaking but as you slid between the shelves on the wall of the door, your stuffed pants casting a shadow under the desk for him to see as he swung the door open fully, a mocking click of his tongue following, you knew he had heard it. 

“Oh bunny. You should’ve been quieter. Maybe then you would have had it easier.”, he stood still in front of the desk, his shoulders lifting with his heavy breaths as he stared down the top of it, “But poor bunny thinks we’re dumb-”

“Hey Captain! 10 seconds!”, Jisung shouted up the stairs.

“Your tricks may have worked, but whoever is next will not be as accepting of your tricks.”

“Game!”, Jisungs shout startled you slightly, Hongjoong leaving the room before he paused.

“Your little games will get you hurt, bunny. I’d be careful.”, he growled his words at you, fingers tapping against the bookshelf you were squished between as he left the room. 

You sighed in relief, slipping from your spot to breathe properly for a minute as you gathered your decoy, going back to gather your other one as Jisung shouted up to you that you have some extra time as the bottle spun. Your hands steadied quite quickly with the news, your hands working double time to stuff some more pillows into pants, placing one behind the curtains again, another in the shower, replacing the one under the desk and shoving one under a bed. All that was left was you, Jisung’s call of your official time starting putting the shake back in your hands.

You had one minute to hide again, your decoys calming your mind slightly until you ended up in front of the locked door at the very end of the hall. The red light that was usually on in the room was absent for now as you stared at it, a call of 30 seconds shaking your mind as you turned away from it, stumbling into the closest room you could reach. 

You looked around frantically, eyes finding the doors that led to a small balcony quickly. You huffed but gave in, opening the doors with a huff. You could hide behind chairs, the giant potted plant or you could stand on the edge and pray no one walked out. SIghing heavily, you pressed yourself against the wall beside a large plant right by the doors. A faint shout of Jisung’s voice told you that the new seeker was out and searching for you. Opening doors slowly sounded less muffled as he approached the room you were in, his voice muffled while he searched for you. The door to the room opened slower than the rest of the doors, the slow squeak of the hinges making you cringe as you pressed yourself against the cold wall. 

“I see you know what you’re doing. I don’t appreciate these little games you think you can get away with, doll. When we find you, you will regret it. Mark my words. If I don’t ensure it, then I know for a fact that the others will when they find out your little mind games. Jisung forbade us from telling the others what happens on our hunts…”, a door slammed open, “So you’re safe with your little decoys until someone doesn’t fall for them.”

The growl his voice took on was bone-chilling, the anger and anticipation behind it making you shiver more violently than the cold breeze had been, your entire body tensing as the patio doors opened one by one. 

“You’re lucky my time just ended, doll. A shame we don’t get to play just yet… I’ll have my chance with you and by god will you regret everything.”, his head poked through the doors, making eye contact with you immediately and you whimpered.

The smirk on his face was nothing less than cruel as he watched you shiver, your eyes wide as he watched you until you gasped, fully registering your situation. You shook your head, hands waving in front you as you stepped back slightly. 

“J-Jongho no, t-the time ended!”, your voice trembled as he watched you panic, an easy smile replacing his smirk.

“I’m aware, doll. It’s best you come inside for now if you keep planning to hide out here. You’ll get sick.”, he tugged you inside, his large hand warm against your smaller one as the warm air of the house washed over you.

“Thank you…”, you murmured as Jisung shouted for Jongho again, his heat disappearing back downstairs to spin the bottle as you warmed up slowly.

The minute it took for the bottle to land and Jisung to shout up to you felt like ages, your last decoy being replaced under blankets on a bed. Your brain was short-circuiting. You had no idea who was next, it could be Wooyoung, it could be Seonghwa or it could be Yeosang. Either way, you were terrified of those three for the moment as you slotted yourself under the bed the decoy was on. It was a dumb spot and you would be lying your ass off if you said you couldn’t hear past your own heartbeat for a few seconds as footsteps trailed up the stairs, oddly heavy for any of the boys. 

The sound of two doors swinging open at once sent alarm bells off in your head again as you picked up on two separate footstep patterns entering rooms opposite your hiding place. You had closed the door to be extra safe, leaving the door to the room of your last hiding place open just to throw them off. Regret filled your panicked being as you watched four shadows extend from under the door to the room you were in.

Of course they sent up two and of course Jisung allowed it. Why wouldn’t he? He was always rooting for your failure in a best friend way, just as he was always trying to get you laid. Maybe that was his plan with this godforsaken game, you thought. The door opened slowly with an extended creek sending shivers down your spine as you indirectly met Wooyoung's dark gaze from under the bed, San’s sharp eyes scanning the room slowly, gaze just as filled with a promise of danger.

Watching San’s arm lift to point subtly at the decoy on the bed, you let out the smallest whimper you could, hands clasped over your mouth and nose to hide your heavy breathing as they approached opposite sides of the beds. 

“Oh princess. You could have hid so much better!”, San’s voice was overly cheerful as you watched his foot tap in eight counts.

“Unless our little baby just couldn’t wait to be found~”, Wooyoung's voice matched San’s cheerful tone as he added to the teasing.

The swoosh of blankets covered the noises of shock they no doubt made, the muted thump made your heart race, knowing they wouldn’t leave the blankets on the floor to sweep up the dust of the day. The veined hands gripping the pile confirmed your thoughts, a slight peek of hair nearly exposing your spot as they bent to pull the covers over the decoy. They whispered to each other, the annoyance hidden in their tones now present as they scanned the room once more before they left with heavy steps.

Their posture screamed disappointment but being under the bed stopped you from seeing the small smirk shared between them as Jisung called time moments after your door closed. The silence and heat building in the room suffocated you slowly, your hands fumbling with the door until you were able to breathe in different air, your mind racing at the possibilities of them sending up another group of two, maybe even a group of three if Jisung was feeling like causing more chaos. 

The troublemakers next call of your time had you rushing into the bathroom, hands fumbling with the decoy to chuck it outside, no longer caring if it led whoever was next straight to you. You were flustered, scared and becoming increasingly panicked at what the others were planning as they sent away each seeker. A heavy set of footsteps trailed slowly up the stairs, your mind jumping Yunho as the stairs creaked under the weight of whoever was ascending. They had to be larger than Hongjoong or Yeosang, their stature a little too small for you to believe it was one of them making their way up

. Your thoughts came to a sudden stop as you heard a mumble, his deep voice chilling you to the bone as you realized it was probably Mingi who was now searching for you. You weren’t afraid of Mingi for the game, but he was observant when he needed to be and he needed to be, so you were concerned. Your hands trembled as you flattened yourself against the bottom of the tub, the showerhead staring you down threateningly as the sound of his footsteps got closer. 

The panic clouding your brain hid the change in heaviness of the steps, the lighter tone of the voice responding to someone you could only pray was downstairs, but hearing no shout from Jisung at that moment, you just knew they had sent up an overly coordinated pair. That, or they walked so slowly up the stairs trying to match their steps that they lost all of their time, Jisung’s voice shouting ‘5 seconds’ confirming your running thoughts as 3 separate voices began complaining. You could recognize the tones of Mingi, Yunho and Yeosang. A shiver traversed your spine as you realized that Yeosang could have found you in that moment, their overly careful planning to walk up the stairs saving you for one last round. Saving you for Seonghwa. 

Sitting up in the tub, you couldn’t help but think that maybe leaving you to Seonghwa last was on purpose. The feeling he gave you before, surrounded by the other boys in the circle only spelled danger and dominance. You were terrified of it. The sharp change in the way he acted towards you to how he acted on the regular like a Care Bear murdering a child. Unexpected and completely out of the usual character you were used to. Your mind raced at the hiding spots you could get away with, mentally checking off places you hid decoys or hid for the others until you reached the small office room in your pacing, Jisung’s delayed call of your start time only fueling your fear knowing that Seonghwa had probably asked for his call for your time to start later. Letting you sit in your panic, letting it build slowly for him to make it burst when he began his hunt.

HIs confidence was overwhelming from that one non-verbal cue to you and you knew he would find you, probably paid off Jisung to let the guys tell him where you were so he could narrow down your location. He was already in your head and Jisung had just called your start time, your hands shaking as you closed the office door slowly so the hinges wouldn’t creek as they did when Hongjoong had followed you into the room previously. 

Your decoy sat under the desk still and you sighed, deciding to hide between the shelves on the far right side of the room, the desk nearly perfectly parallel to your small hiding spot. Hongjoong’s mocking call of ‘ready or not, here he comes’ did nothing to help your nerves, your hands sweating against the dark wood of the bookshelf in front of you, your ears straining for any sound of Seonghwa that you couldn’t find.

He was deadly silent climbing the stairs, no doors squeaked as they opened (if he opened them) and you were trembling as the door to the office slowly swung open. The large, veined hand on the wood was the only thing giving away his presence until he stepped into the room, eyes fixed on the desk with an intensity you never saw in his eyes. His lips curled at the shadow under the desk, his head tilting as his tongue poked out to run over his plush bottom lip.

“I appreciate your commitment to the decoy under the desk, pet. It’s clever. For dumb little girls who don’t know when to give themselves up.”

His voice was deep again, eyes never leaving the desk as he approached it, hands slamming down the surface. He hung his head slightly, his fluffy hair dropping to hide his eyes from your  fearful gaze. 

“I’ll give you a choice, pet. You come out of your own free will, walk downstairs with me in that pretty little bra and we go easy on you.”, he scoffed out a small laugh, his hands drawing your attention as he reached into his pocket, a small pocket knife glinting in his pretty hands, “Or~ You don’t. I pull you from that pathetic little hiding spot and drag you down those stairs where you get used by us until you can’t even lift a finger. Jisung was a good little boy…”

The silence made him hum, his hand flipping the knife open and closed over and over with a steady click. He laughed mockingly as the silence carried, your stubbornness amusing him as he tilted his head.

“He was too easy for San to seduce. All it took was a few touches on his thigh, some compliments and he was caving, telling us all your dirty little kinks. Yeah he gave us everything we needed to know. And then he left!”

His cruel laugh made you tear up. Of course Jisung caved to San’s false advances. The fucker probably took the car too, not even leaving you a text to explain how he fed you to the wolves. You were drawn from your angry thoughts towards Jisung by the rough scrape of the blade on the wooden surface of the desk. 

“I’ll give you… one minute. You had a minute to hide for us. You get a minute to decide how good you want to be for us.”, He was standing up straight again, his fingers drumming the desk as he put the knife away. 

The silence was only broken by his drumming and a slow, mocking countdown to your inevitable demise, his voice deep but airy as he counted to your end. Your heartbeat was rapid in your chest and you could swear if Seonghwa was silent for even a second, he’d hear it pounding against the wood of the bookshelf. Your thoughts overwhelmed your awareness of your actions, your breathing getting a little out of hand with your increasing heart rate as the countdown dropped to ‘5~’ and suddenly stopped.

By the time your mind caught up with the lack of counting and the heat of the darkened eyes suddenly on you, a harsh grip was on your hair, pulling you from your spot roughly. You hadn’t even seen him move, your legs buckling at the sudden motion, causing you to stumble into Seonghwa’s chest, his eyes beating down on the top of your head as you pushed away from him slightly to get some space for your racing thoughts to calm. You had no time to begin to calm yourself as his soft lips brushed your ear teasingly, his voice nothing but a growl as he whispered to you. 

“Run for me now, pet. Let’s have some fun~”

Your mind ran blank as he nudged you towards the door, your feet carrying you faster out of the room, your panic leading you to the bathroom once more, closing the door with much more force than necessary. The coldness of the tub stole your breath as you laid down again, the reflection of the showerhead letting you see the door open slowly just as every other door had. The image was too distorted for closer objects, a slight blur showing you Seonghwa’s figure walking further into the room but not allowing you further sight on him. You closed your eyes, trying to calm your breathing and your heart to listen to his movements.

Hearing none, just a slight shuffle you were sure you made, you opened your eyes just in time to see his large hand twisting the cold water tap for the shower. You gasped at his hand, his dark eyes peeking around the curtain just as ice cold water poured down onto you from above, your eyes closing as you shrieked at the cold, hands raising to try and block some of the stream. They were soon tugged down though, a new face hovering above yours as you thrashed about in the tub, heart racing as you glanced up.

———

part 2

there’s just something about cruel seonghwa that gets me going istg

[kaethefangirl]

Let's take a moment to think about how the characters who have been portrayed as "crazy" or "unhinged" who then get beaten by the mc are usually right. Punisher was painted out to be a bad guy in Punisher, but he was fucking right. Imagine how many lives he would have saved if he killed king pin. Deadpool too, the people he kills are the worst of the worst. AND JASON!! JASON WAS FUCKING RIGHT!! IMAGINE HOW MANY LIVES HE WOULD SAVE WITHOUT BATMAN STOPPING HIM? He'd be praised as a hero if he actually did kill the Joker.

And don't get me started on the heros. Yes, I'm calling bullshit on Bruce. "It'd be too damn easy! Once you cross that line you never go back" Wasn't his entire thing supposed to be being the hero that gotham NEEDED? wasnt he supposed to be saving lives? Let's be honest if he killed the rogues when they first came to light then so many innocent lives would have been saved.

Spider-man is self righteous, as much as i love him. Peter needs to get over himself, the way he berates Deadpool for killing and makes him out to be a terrible person just makes my blood boil. DEADPOOL IS A GOOD GUY WHO KILLS BAD GUYS SO THAT THOSE BAD GUYS CAN'T HURT ANYONE ELSE. and he does it at the expense of his self image and reputation.

Matt's no killing rule was rooted strictly in religion. And as someone who worked AS A LAWYER, you'd think he'd understand that the law is not real justice. The law allows psychopaths and serial killers to walk free, that is not justice. The law actually protects the terrible people. Some people don't deserve a trial and some people deserve to be killed by the Punisher. Call me whatever you want, but i agree with punisher, deadpool, and jason.

Don't get me wrong, killing is always bad. But i do believe the ends justify the means. Killing one person to save the lives of millions sounds better than Sparing one person at the expense of millions.

[that1emowitch]

Suit Shopping

Prompt by @shinekocreator : "Hear me out: the batsiblings going suit shopping with Dick. Fluffy engaged birdflash. Maybe something around planning the wedding. Also some batsiblings being siblings"

A/N: I had a random burst of inspiration at 10 pm and suddenly wrote this whole this lol

Words: 3006

LMK IF I SHOULD MAKE A PART 2!

TW: None, I think. It's all pretty fluffy. Lmk if I missed smth

“I still think he’ll look prettier in purple,” Steph holds up her phone, showing an image of a bright purple suit. “Like, look at that! All it needs is some glitter.”

“Tt.” Damian scowls at her. “Everyone knows weddings are supposed to be black-and-white.”

“Yeah, the purple looks like the Joker,” Jason points out, nodding. “But hear me out: Red.”

Damian shouts again in protest, basically jumping on Jason. The two start fighting, pulling each-other’s hair and yelling.

“You sure you want them to help, Rob?” Wally shakes his head, his arms wrapped around Dick’s waist as the pair stands just a few feet away, looking at the Bats trying to kill each other.

Dick sighed, resting his head on his boyfriend— no, fiance’s shoulder. “They’re not really giving me a choice, honestly. But this’ll be fun, I’m sure!”

Wally chuckles. “Yeah, Bart and Barry are insisting to come shopping with me, too. So is Iris, actually.” He pulls away from Dick after placing a sweet kiss on his lips. “I’d better get going. Have fun!”

“You too!” Dick smiles as he watches his beloved speed off— he is the fastest man alive, after all. Then Cass walks up to him, gesturing to Damian, Steph, and Jason, then pushing her right hand towards the webbed part of her left in the sign for “annoying”.

He just chuckles, shaking his head. “Just have to wait for Duke and Tim, now, huh?”

Cass smiles and points behind him— where Duke has just entered the living room through the Batcave. “Hey, D,” He waves his hand in greeting as he walks up to them. He gives Damian and Jason— the latter of who is now pinning the younger against a wall with a gun raised— a long look. “What is going on?”

Cass just makes the “annoying” ASL sign again.

“DUKE!” Steph suddenly jumps on him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “I am so glad you’re here, you’re the only sensible one in this house! Which color do you think Dick’s suit should be?”

She shows him three photos— one exquisite, expensive purple suit made of leather, and two cheap thrift-store black and red suits.

Duke hesitates, carefully extracting himself from the blonde. “Uhh… Don’t you think Dick should decide? It is his wedding.”

“Thank you,” Dick says, pulling Duke closer. 

“Heathens, all of you,” Steph shakes her head, disappointed.

That’s when Tim finally enters through the front door— being carried by Kon. Tim quickly jumps out of Kon’s arms, beet red, when he realizes his siblings are already here, and watching. Jon trails after the pair, instantly brightening up when he sees Damian.

Damian stops fighting with Jason just to greet Jon. Suddenly, the young Super flies into Damian, wrapping himself around the Bat, yapping away excitedly.

Everyone in the room freezes.

Oh no, poor Jon is so dead… Dick thinks.

Then.

Damian awkwardly raises his arm and pats Jon on the back, half-hugging him.

Jon pulls away in a second then runs to Dick. “Is it true? You’re getting married? How does it work? Are you excited? Where’s your ring? When’s the wedding? Are you gonna have a b—”

“Woah, woah there!” Dick laughs a little, showing off his ring— a thin gold strand with a Robin on it. “Yeah, I’m engaged to Wally. You know, Flash.” 

“WOAH…” Jon’s eyes are wide with awe. Damian pulls him away, tutting. 

“Tt. You must be real naive if you don’t know how weddings work.”

“Whatever, man, I just wanna go to the mall.” Jon smiles and shrugs. 

Dick smiles back, proud of his Baby Bat for making a good friend. “So,” He claps his hands, getting everyone’s attention. “None of us will be flying to the mall, just FYI. Now, there’s 9 of us here, but one car can only fit five, so we’ll need to take two cars.”

“Um, actually,” Jason stood, twirling keys on his fingers. “I’m taking my motorbike. And only Blondie’s allowed to come with.”

“But this is a family bonding opportunity, Jay!” Dick protested. “We can all—”

“I have a bike,” Kon said suddenly, looking at Tim hopefully. “I can just fly back and get it here. Then we can— uh…”

Tim blushes. “Yeah, yeah, that’d be perfect.”

Kon flashes a smile, and flies out the window.

Dick sighs. I guess that leaves no other choice.

“Okay, the rest of you, come on,” Dick heads to the garage, watching with a soft smile as Damian, Jon, Duke, and Cass pile into his car. While Jon and Damian bicker over who called shotgun first, Cass quietly slips into the passenger seat.

God, Dick loves his sister.

He flashes her a smile, letting her turn the radio to a station to one that plays 60’s ballroom music— she loves music with no words.

He hears the moment the boys realize Cass has taken the seat— they fall quiet, and get into the back, squeezing against Duke, who was peacefully sitting by the window.

He grins, hands on the steering wheel, ready to set off.

They all meet again in the mall’s carpark. Jason and Steph are discussing something about the parking being ridiculously overpriced, Damian’s explaining to Duke how cars work (Duke’s trying hard not to say “I know”), Cass is still listening to ballroom music, Kon’s encouraging Jon to get piercings…

“This is the quietest they’ve all been together, isn’t it?” Tim pipes up from beside Dick, making the older man jump.

“Jesus— Tim, how’re you so quiet?” Dick took a breath to steady himself.

“Years of stalking Batman and Robin paid off, I guess,” He shrugs. “I need coffee.”

Before Dick can reply, Tim walks towards the others, and shouts, “Okay, people. Here’s how it’s gonna go:”

Dick’s brows furrow. “Wait, you’re planning this—”

“There are too many stores, and not enough time. So we’ll split up into groups, find and buy any and all suits we like— in size M, or US 40—”

“—You know my size?”

“—forget about the price, Bruce is paying, and meet back at McDonald’s at 6pm. Jason and Steph, go with Dick to the east wing of the mall. Cass and Duke, go to the west wing. Kon and I will take the north, Damian and Jon to the south. Got that?”

Dick was stunned for a second when everyone easily agreed and split up— they must’ve discussed this before. Slightly dazed, he let Jason and Cass lead him away, to the east entrance of the mall.

Damian walks through the mall, heading straight to the information desk, where a directory of all stores is put up. His eyes scan the shop names and their descriptions, analyzing each one. After all, Grayson deserves the best of the best.

Suddenly Jon appears beside him, vibrating with enthusiasm. “Where do we go first?”

“Nordstrom.” Damian replies, his eyes landing on the name of the store. “Anything there will easily outshine every suit any of the others manage to find.”

“Oooh, that sounds so fancy!” Jon’s eyes widen in awe.

“It is. Not that a farmboy like you could understand it.” Damian turns to face Jon.

“At least I’m not a crazy trust fund kid who’s going to buy, like, 20 suits just so Dick has plenty of choices,” Jon shoots back, undeterred.

“At least I’m not a 12-year-old who thinks math is hard.” 

“At least I don’t have Mommy or Daddy issues.”

"At least I'm a man of great intelligence and taste, while you are a farmboy that talks to birds."

"Hey, those birds were awesome... and at least I talk to them... you just sit around being brooding and quiet. The most noise you make is when you're complaining."

“At least I am not a naive boy who thinks the world is sunshine and rainbows!”

Jon crosses his arms. "Yeah, and at least I'm not a brooding snob who's afraid to express his feelings, so he hides behind sarcasm and snarky comments." 

That one shuts Damian up. 

“So,” Jon puts up a radiant smile again, hand pointing into the air. “To Nordstrom!”

“It’s right there.” Damian points behind Jon.

Jon moves so he’s pointing towards the store. “To Nordstrom!”

Tim and Kon’s hands find each other as soon as they part with the rest of the group— enjoying this feeling of being so close to one another. They head straight to the first clothes store they find, searching around for a suit.

“Hey, Tim,” Kon calls, picking up a red and blue Superboy-themed crop top, complete with leather lining and metal studs. “This would look cute on you.”

Tim blushes. “Kon, we’re looking for a suit!”

“But just buy this too,” Kon encourages, smirking. “Trust me. I can really imagine you in this.”

“And nothing else.” The words escape Tim’s mouth before he can think, and he suddenly slaps his free hand over his mouth. “Um, forget that. Please.”

Kon’s cheeks turn slightly red, but he puts the top in their shopping basket anyway. “So. Um. Suits.”

“Yes,” Tim says awkwardly “Suits.”

The two find a section of the store for formal clothing soon enough, and start rummaging around for something Dick might like.

Everything seems wrong— too formal, too stiff, too not Dick.

“What if we buy a few of these suits, then paint them?” Kon suggests.

Tim turns to face him, thinking. “Good idea, but the only one of us that can paint well is Damian— and we’re competing against him.”

Kon’s brows raise. “Wait, we’re competing against Damian?”

“We’re competing against every other ‘team’ we split up in,” Tim explains, skimming through racks of blue-gray suits. “Damian and Jon, Duke and Cass, Steph and Jason.”

“Oh,” Kon nodded along. “So, how does it work?”

“We all find the best suits possible and present them to Dick, and the team whose suit Dick picks wins.”

“And Dick has no idea about this competition.”

“Helps him be a neutral judge.”

“Uh-huh,” Kon chuckles. “You Bats and your secrecy…”

“Coffee,” Tim says suddenly, turning to leave the store. “We’re not gonna find anything here. Might as well get some coffee. On me.”

Kon smiles, taking Tim’s hand again. “As you wish, babe.”

Then his eyes widen. “Wait, we have to buy the tank top first!”

Duke watches as his sister prances around the store, looking at the different dresses. They’re in a designer boutique (whose manager didn’t believe they were actually here to buy something until they flashed Bruce’s credit card). 

He chuckles as Cass picks up a soft pink dress, holding it to herself and standing before the mirror. “It looks lovely, really.”

Cass smiles, and gives it to the manager to add to their cart, just like the many other dresses she did so with before. It doesn’t matter that they’re here to buy a suit— if Cass likes something along the way, she can very well buy it.

Then she finds another princess gown— this time, pastel purple, with shiny sequins and sparkles.

“Yeah, Steph’s gonna love seeing you in that,” Duke grins teasingly. Cass blushes sightly, then hands it over to the manager.. 

“Also, where are your best suits? Something flashy, not formal and plain.” He asks one of the assistants. 

“Oh, yes, I’m sure yellow and black would look great on you, Mr. Thomas,” The assistant replies politely, starting to lead them to a corner.

Duke tries not to cringe at the mention of him in black and yellow. “Um, it’s for my brother, actually. We have his measurements, but is it possible to get it custom-made without him actually being here? It’s a bit of a surprise.”

“Of course,” The assistant nods, leading them to a row of racks filled with rolled-up sheets of fabric. “It would take longer, but you can custom-pick every piece of fabric, every decoration, even talk to our design specialist to make it perfect. It would usually take a few weeks, but for you, we can get it done in just two days, I’m sure.”

Cass walks up to them. “Blue.”

“Of course.”

“Like the night sky. With shining stars, if that’s possible.” Duke adds.

“Do have a chat with the design specialist I mentioned, Mr. Thomas and Ms. Wayne.” The assistant smiles politely. “Shall I check out the six dresses you bought, meanwhile?”

Duke nods, smiling. “Yes, please.”

This was definitely going to be better than the others’ suits.

Steph pulls Dick along by the hand as they both laugh, running through the clothes store. Jason walks behind them, clearly amused but pretending to not care.

“OOOH, pick this!” Steph shoves another bright purple suit into Dick’s hands. He gives her a look. 

“Steph… I don’t like purple! I want something blue!” Dick looks around, making sure no one’s eavesdropping, hen whispers, “Nightwing blue!”

Steph pouts. “What do you think, Jason?”

“Red.” Jason replies, looking through some suits. “But if we wanna win, we gotta give him what he wants.”

Steph frowns slightly, but agrees.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dick holds his hands in front of them. “What do you mean ‘win’?”

Both of them freeze. Then Steph replies awkwardly, “Uh, win your heart, of course!”

“Yeah,” Jason adds, his tone dry. “Prove we’re your best siblings ever.”

Dick blinks. “Steph’s not a sibling. She’s dating our sister and she used to date our brother.”

“Potato, Potatoh,” Steph puts on the fakest smile ever, steering Dick away towards the blue-coloured suits. He goes along, confused.

As they peruse through the suits, Steph and Jason exchange glances, silently communicating their plan. They need to find the perfect Nightwing blue suit to win Dick over. They scan through the racks, occasionally holding up a suit for Dick to inspect. 

“This one?” Steph asks, holding up a suit that's more on the navy side.

“Nah, too dark,” Dick shakes his head.

“What about this one?” Jason suggests, pointing to a suit that's a bit too light.

“Too bright,” Dick dismisses it.

The trio continues their search, but nothing seems to meet Dick's standards. Steph starts to feel a little anxious— they need to find something soon if they want to win the competition. Just as she's about to suggest going to another store, Jason spots a suit tucked away in the corner.

“Hey, check this out,” Jason calls out, pulling out a suit in the perfect shade of Nightwing blue. It's sleek, stylish, and has just the right amount of sophistication.

Dick's eyes light up as he examines the suit. “This... this is it.”

Steph grins triumphantly. “I knew we'd find the perfect one!”

Jason nods in agreement. “Let's grab it before someone else snatches it.”

They quickly make their way to the checkout counter, excitement bubbling within them. As they pay for the suit, Jason can't help but feel a sense of satisfaction. Not only did they find the ideal suit for Dick, but they're also one step closer to winning the competition.

With the suit in hand, they head towards the designated meeting spot at McDonald's, eager to show off their find and see what the others have come up with.

The group rendezvouses at a particularly large booth in the mall’s McDonald’s just at 6 pm. Everyone’s carrying shopping bags— Damian and Jon are carrying three each. They settle into the booth, arranging themselves comfortably, excitement evident in their expressions.

Dick, seated at the head of the table, can hardly contain his curiosity. “Alright, everyone, let's see what you've got!”

“Not right now!” Duke shouts suddenly, and Cass nods along. “Cass and I have customized the perfect suit for you but it’s going to take two days to make, so, just to be fair, we’ll present our find in two days.”

Damian scowls. “Why should we waste our time over your fault?”

“It’s not a fault, it’s a—”

“It’s not fair,” Tim chimes in. “We spent so long—”

“GUYS! Guys,” Dick interrupts them before the argument gets too heated. “This is my suit, so I make the rules. I choose that we wait for Duke and Cass’s suit to be ready. I kinda wanna see it.”

Duke leans back, relieved, and Cass wears a smug smile on her face, as if saying, “Ha, I win!”

It makes Dick wonder, again, what exactly the competition is about.

“Well, let’s at least get some food, if we’re not doing show and tell,” Kon speaks up after a long beat of silence. Everyone agrees (for the first time ever), and place their orders quickly.

Once their orders arrive, they dig into their meals eagerly, savoring the taste of fast food after a long day of shopping. Dick watches with a fond smile as his family enjoys their meal, feeling grateful for their presence in his life.

After they finish eating, Dick leans back in his seat, feeling content. “So, what now? Do we head back home?”

“Nah,” Jason shakes his head. “Let’s catch a movie or something. There’s that new action flick playing at the cinema.”

Steph’s eyes light up. “Ooh, that sounds fun! I’m in!”

“I’m down,” Tim adds, nodding in agreement.

“I suppose it could be entertaining,” Damian mutters, though there’s a hint of excitement in his voice.

Jon looks around eagerly. “Can I come too?”

Kon slings an arm around his shoulders and pulls him away. “Nah, not this time. Let’s leave the Bats to their boring plans— you and I can go get you some piercings!”

“Um,” Jon pauses, hesitating. “Mom and Dad will not be happy, Kon.”

Kon just smirks and ruffles his little brother’s hair. “I know. Pissing off Clark to make you cool— It’s gonna be so worth it!”

The pair walks away from the Bats, waving goodbye, after Kon places one last kiss on Tim’s lips. The Bats leave soon, too, heading down to the cinema, arguing over who the best Green Lantern is, for some reason— and Hal Jordan’s currently winning over Guy Gardener.

Dick laughs and shakes his head, listening to their banter.

God, he loves his family.

LMK IF I SHOULD MAKE A PART 2

[joe-spookyy]

thinking about batman today so here’s a brief essay explaining my thoughts on every live action batman actor and their films, along with my ranking of the films i’ve seen.

as the original, i have to give adam west some 
serious credit. and god was his movie enjoyable. the bit when he was literally fist fighting a shark and had to use bat shark repellent spray to get it off of him was probably the best moment in batman history. he was very reminiscent of the batman from scooby doo meets batman (1972). or i guess that batman was reminiscent of him. whatever. i was very entertained by his film and i quite enjoyed the addition of robin, as i feel that he goes underutilized in batman movies. i really loved how every single item in his batcave was labeled, and how all of it began with the word bat. the bat navigational computer. the bat water fountain. the bat ladder. i love it. the villains were just the right amount of camp, although i did not care for the fact that the joker clearly had a mustache that was just painted over. caesar romero could you really not bear to part with it for one film? yeesh. my one complaint is that batman did not seem to be enthused about anything throughout the entire runtime. as my father pointed out, he was quite spock-like. not a sweet ounce of real excitement or fear. i really loved how he ran that cartoon bomb all through gotham though. really entertaining sequence.


christian bale does bruce wayne and batman very well, but his batman voice is so funny that it distracted me from anything important that happened in the movies. it sounded like he was swallowing gravel or perhaps like he had smoked a pack a day since he was 2 years old. also, the cowl on his batsuit had a really pointy nose and i did not like that. he had the idea and everything he did was great but the acting choice to give batman such a stupid voice takes away from everything. it left me pondering. did bruce sit in his little batcave practicing voices? do you think he made alfred give him advice on which fake voice was most menacing? do you think he tried different accents? i can’t deal with the lack of answers. however, the dark knight is really good so i will give him that. 


clooney and kilmer did a fine job in the role HOWEVER. i want to track down whichever costume designer chose to give the batsuit nipples and give them a piece of my mind because why. why would they do that. why. it is important to add though that batman forever was one of the most insane, camp, off the rails films i have ever seen and i think i probably enjoyed it more than any of the other ones because i was laughing throughout the entire runtime. it was a batman movie but he was the least interesting thing about the film. the sets were literally breathtaking and so eye catching. the outfits were insane. the plot lines were baffling in the most positive way. i wish joel schumacher had been put in charge of directing every movie ever because i definitely feel like more movies need to be exactly like this monstrosity. cinema peaked in 1995 when they put jim carrey in that atrocious little riddler costume. i almost forgive the costume designers for the bat nipples because of how insane and fantastic the two face costume is. almost. 


now micheal keaton had the right idea i suppose. however he failed to grab my attention. he wasn’t strange enough, nor was he very smooth and suave. he was right in the middle and that made him too much of a regular guy to be a good bruce wayne. his batman voice was literally just his normal voice so that kind of left me confused. how did no one realize that bruce wayne sounds exactly like batman. come on guys. excellent joker though. he wasn’t too serious but i think he could have been a bit more silly. however i’m inclined to dislike him for the fact that he was in batman returns. when i tell you this movie ruined my life i mean it. when danny devito ate a raw fish and black saliva dripped out of his mouth, the image was scarred into my brain and i can still see it so clearly despite not having watched the movie since i was about eight. i did enjoy the penguins with rocket launchers ont their backs, but i cannot get over the awful aspects of this one. i will never forgive you for this micheal.


robert pattinson’s batman, or battinson as i like to call him, was very good. probably i’m biased because of robert pattinson in eyeliner but that is besides the point. his movie was also quite good but it falls into the trap of making batman all serious and gritty. this is a huge mistake. this man named his car “the batmobile” and is literally fighting some guy called “the penguin” and you decided to make it all dark and serious? this has comedic potential and i physically cannot take it seriously when some billionaire in a rubber batsuit is lurking in the background of a serious police investigation. i don’t care who got murdered, the minute he starts growling about riddles from the corner i am going to start giggling. however robert did kill the role and i have to say he did a great job making bruce wayne an absolute pathetic loser, which is what i think the world needs. unfortunately this version of the riddler was so lame and boring. where is the camp! where are the FUN riddles! where is the brightly colored hair! clearly matt reeves has never seen batman forever.


finally we come to the best batman, lego batman. i literally just rewatched this movie yesterday so i think i’m probably an authority on the movie. will arnett understood this role so deeply and it very much shows. this bruce wayne has none of the issues i had with any of the others. the batman voice does not give me secondhand embarrassment for him. the suit has no bat nipples. and most importantly the movie does not take batman too seriously while still giving him an important character arc, acknowledging his flaws both as a person and as a hero, and allowing him to recognize these flaws and begin to overcome them. plus any batman that canonically listens to elliott smith is a friend of mine. something i find incredibly important is that the lego batman movie also does something no other batman movie has done before: it dares to be a rom-com. when batman told the joker “i hate you forever” while they were less than an inch from each other’s faces, i was wiping a sweet tear from my eye. i want what they have.

to conclude i think the only batman movies that really understand the characters are the ones that are truly just off the rails insane. although it’s important to recognize the darker aspects of the character, too many superhero movies feel the need to be gritty and serious all the way through, and the lack of balance leaves viewers (me) disappointed. they need to return to their roots and make the genre interesting and unique again. slightly unrelated but i also really think they need to stop rebooting the joker. there’s been so many different versions and as much as i love the jokes there are other batman villains. so many other batman villains. please let the joker rest i am begging and pleading.

FINAL RANKING!

fuck you batman returns

[soup-spoonn]

The boy at the gala pt.2

Part one

“So, you’re telling me that this kid knocked out the joker with one blow, and asked for help while getting in a car with Vlad freaking Masters? And we’re supposed to believe that?” Dick asked incredulously.

“That’s what I said, isn’t it? This kid could be in trouble and we need to figure out how to help him.”

“He knocked out the joker with one blow, how much danger could he possibly be in?”

“I don’t know, but he asked for help so we need to do whatever we can.”

Bruce was doing research on Masters and found that he adopted the boy, who’s name is Daniel James Fenton, who’s family unfortunately passed in a lab accident a few months ago. The police department suspected foul play was involved, but didn’t investigate for some unknown reason.

“This is getting interesting.” Dick said, leaning closer to the monitor.

-

“Daniel, why did you do that?!” Vlad started yelling as soon as they arrived at his mansion.

“I told you I didn’t wanna be there. And anyway, he was gonna hurt that little girl!”

“You couldn’t have left it to the city police department? It’s kind of their job!”

“They wouldn’t have arrived in time! I didn’t want anyone to get hurt!”

“Okay and what about you? What if you got hurt?!”

“That’s not gonna happen, I’m half dead, remember?!”

Vlad turned red, which is apparently something he does when he’s angry.

“That still means you’re half alive, and still in danger!”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?!”

“I could turn you in to the GIW whenever I want to! You’re legally not sentient, not human!”

Danny tensed at the mention of the GIW. He couldn’t believe Vlad would stoop so low as to threaten him with… them.

“What does that make you?” Danny asked, leaving Vlad standing in the middle of the entryway with a shocked expression.

Danny went upstairs to his room, which he decorated with stars and planets stuck to his ceiling and lights where the stars are.

He almost sprinted to his laptop and started a video call with Sam and Tucker when he saw what time it is, 6:59.

They made it a little tradition of theirs to call exactly at 7:00 PM every night.

They picked up almost immediately.

“Danny!” They yelled in unison.

His core felt safe hearing their voices.

“Hi guys, how’re you?”

“Good, we took a test today, you would’ve totally aced it.” Sam said.

“It was on the solar system!” Tucker said, excited.

“I think we only might’ve passed because of your ranting for hours” Sam giggled, “anyway what did you do today?”

“I went to another stupid party with Vlad.”

“Where was it?” Tucker asked.

“Some weird place called Gotham City. It was super boring, and we had to take a jet to get there.” Danny paused, “something weird did happen though,”

“What happened Danny?” Sam asked, looking genuinely curious.

He smiled and continued, “some weird clown guy and his annoying goons came in and started monologing, he was gonna hurt a little girl though, so I knocked him out. Everyone was super surprised, am I supposed to know who he is?”

“Wait you said in Gotham?” Tucker asked.

“Yeah, why?”

Sam and Tucker exchanged a look.

“That was the joker, he regularly attempts to kill everyone in gotham but there’s a guy who dresses like a bat and stops him.”

“So someone who regularly attempts mass murder and a furry vigilante both live in Gotham? Weird”

Sam and Tucker started laughing when he said that.

“There are more too!” Sam said.

“What, furry vigilantes, or mass murderers?”

“Both!” Tucker choked out.

Danny felt a smile tugging at his face, the type of smile that he only has when he’s talking with Sam and Tucker.

A genuine smile.

“Daniel, dinner!” He heard from down the stairs.

Danny groaned and apparently Sam and Tucker heard too, who tensed at the sound of Vlad’s voice.

“Guys, I have to go. Vlad gets all pissy when I don’t eat dinner with him, and I just yelled at him so I’m in deep shit already.”

“Okay, bye Danny, we’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Sam said.

“Bye Danny, visit soon!” Tucker said before Danny smiled and closed his laptop.

Danny really does want to visit, he just doesn’t think Vlad would even consider letting him.

I could totally just leave…

Danny shook his head as if to get rid of the thought.

No, not again.

“Daniel! Dinner!”

Danny groaned again and stormed down the stairs to see Vlad at the table, accompanied by a man in a white business suit.

No way he actually followed through with it.

“Hello, Daniel.” The man said.

[notnights]

Is Creep by Radiohead more Jax coded or Gangle coded?

Hey this gives me the opportunity to mention "Creep by Radiohead" was a very shortly lived tumblr meme a few years back, and I genuinely don't think a lot of people knew that judging by the reactions people had to this picture,

and by the fact that because of the reactions I saw to this picture, I went to go find evidence this was once a meme (and possibly what Gooseworx was making a funny about here maybe??) only to find out it was such a niche meme there is no "knowyourmeme" page about it or even people talking about this specific meme outside of tumblr.

And I feel insane because I can't find any proof, but I KNOW it happened, it would be stuff like "person makes playlist for their fav supervillain, and it's just creep by radiohead" and the [supervillain playlist] is replaced with almost anything else and then "but it's just creep by radiohead" or "and it's creep by radio head"

Kind of the same as people who meme on "Dollhouse" by Melanie Martinez because so many teenage girls will describe the song as their family because just like Creep by Radiohead, there's enough relatability to it even if the stories don't line up exactly with one's life. Teenage boy relates to Creep by Radiohead, Joker relates to Creep by Radiohead, real! memed on!

Which, back to the Jax picture, I had originally ASSUMED this was the joke of this piece. That Jax's life from our perspective, at the moment, is nothing like Creep by Radiohead, or is it? Because again, there's that vague enough relatability for any fan to listen to this song and take SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ABOUT JAX from it. Half of this song is about loving someone else, or about not fitting in, or about not having control, and people dove in, what parts relate to Jax, etc etc.

A meta joke, about oh Jax is finding this song relatable that's funny on it's own, fans seeing this photo and song will start guessing about stuff it means for Jax, even though the reality is, Creep by Radiohead has such a wide reach. Even if it meant anything specifically for Jax, there would be so many guesses as to what that might specifically be, no one would know right. This is on par with other funny tweets Goose has made before in relation to keeping fans guessing: "when you see fanart of something close to canon---it was fast food uniforms" <- her first tweet, NO one was going to guess right, it's vague enough to make people think and go crazy but not confirm anything, the follow up tweet, showing it was never serious at all, relevant but nothing no one needed to think too hard on. It was months until we got the punchline but god that was funny. Saying this song ALSO relates to Gangle shows further the vague wide relatability of it, everyone gets something out of this song one way or another, for themselves, for a character, whatever. More over this is part of my ribbunny playlist long before this image of Jax was posted. And you're probably at this point being like, NIGHTS WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT!!!

AND I'M SHAKING YALL AND SAYING I SWEAR THIS IMAGE OF JAX IS SUPPOSE TO BE BASED OFF A NICHE TUMBLR MEME AND I FEEL LIKE IM INSANE BECAUSE IM THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS IT!!! OR MAYBE I AM JUST INSANE!!!

[zeroducks-2]

I was thinking of something my gf said about Under The Red Hood, about the whole "did Bruce hit Jason in the neck or shoulder" conundrum.

I hadn't really wondered about it too much previously, I just assumed Bruce is a fucking asshole because he threw a batarang at this boy who supposedly was like a son to him, after getting him back from the dead, at the very high risk of killing him. Like idgaf of the circumstances okay? Fuck off Bruce. So it's not like I really cared if that was the shoulder or the neck (even if it does look like the neck) because it's the principle that's fucked up.

But anyway, recently my gf said something and I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I went back to UTRH and looked for panels and GODDAMNIT SHE'S RIGHT-

So, the answer to the question "did Bruce aim for Jason's neck or shoulder when he threw that batarang?" can be answered with BOTH. Let me explain.

The scene is Bruce and Jason's last confrontation in UTRH, and they just started to fight. It's a brutal fight made even more desperate because chemo has just been dropped on Bludhaven and Bruce cannot physically go check on Dick because Jason is preventing him, so they're both desperate, no one is pulling the punches.

it starts out like this:

With a batarang thrown behind Jason that bounces back from a close distance, and which allows Jason to choose his wound, because it's aimed to his shoulder and head.

Sounds familiar? Basically this blow is thrown in a way that takes away someone's balance, forcing them to move from a spot if they want to avoid a potentially fatal blow.

Jason dodges of course and gets hit on the side of the shoulder, giving back with one of "his tricks", and the fight continues.

Now take a look at how the fight ends:

with the same opening blow, a batarang thrown behind Jason, aimed at his shoulder and head. Clearly aimed to destabilize Jason and make him let go of the Joker, but Jason does not move and does not let go until after he's been hit.

The implications of this are huge. It's a known fact that Jason does not think he's going to walk out of this alive, but here he actively chose to let Bruce hit him in the neck, solid on his position until the end.

There's also a bit, a few panels prior, regarding how both Jason and Bruce wouldn't fall for the same trick twice:

Never twice.

Bruce used the same move twice with that batarang throw, and again it implies that Jason should have seen it coming and he did.

Bruce won, in the sense that he managed to not do what Jason demanded - shoot him through his face or watch the Joker die - he "managed to find a way to win" and keep his conscience relatively clean because he didn't shoot a gun, and it was Jason's decision not to move and to let that batarang hit him in the neck when he could have dodged it.

And everybody still loses.

DC writers do have a tendency to depict Jason having suicidal tendencies. I'm pretty sure at this point that it comes from this, and that whatever the fuck happens in RHATO when Bruce beats the living hell out of him, and Jason does not defend himself, is supposed to be some kind of parallel to this particular dyamic of UTRH (a bad parallel but still).

I rest my case.

[johannestevans]

i would love a batjokes concept with Joker pursuing Bruce that really digs into the fact that Bruce Wayne is way more of a false identity than Batman is

and the Joker is smart, just like Selina and other partners to get close to Bruce - he'd REALISE that and be fascinated by it

my favourite variations of Bruce Wayne are never the garbage grimdark ones where he's Really Serious and Broody, bc like. that's ridiculous (and too hetero). batman is really serious and broody. bruce wayne needs to be the opposite of that.

now some stories go for a bruce wayne that's just incredibly earnest, who's genuine and kind and full of love - and by definition HAS to either be misrepresenting himself, or is so naive that he never really hardens himself to the people who lie to his face

my FAVOURITE, though, is when bruce wayne goes HARD on being a himbo. he's a bright-eyed grinning playboy, he's a billionaire, he's kind in the thoughtless, easy way of a man who's so incredibly rich he can throw money at whomever and whatever cause he pleases

this is the bruce wayne who's always at parties and is always having fun and drinking, who dates all these beautiful models and he does funny videos playing with puppies for gotham's equivalent of buzzfeed and he uses the cutest filters on insta, he does stupid dances on tiktok

and the thing is, it's ALREADY fun if. it's known among certain of bruce's compatriots that this is false. bruce has glazed eyes during the board meeting but he's listening to every word; he looks pretty, so people invite him to important shit, and then bruce CAN be disarming

because in a city like gotham, of COURSE bruce wayne would pretend he's a beautiful himbo with nothing going on between his ears - it's the perfect defence mechanism. none of the corrupt cunts at the mayor's office will hurt him, bc they don't think he's a threat

and so bruce can pretend to just stumble into valuable philanthropy, he can work on certain fundraisers and similar, and he won't be targeted the same way his parents were

and that alone would FASCINATE joker

like once he got close enough to realise, to grok this - like, he's brushed this pretty billionaire off as some hot eyecandy, but WAIT, there's a BRAIN behind those baby blues? that sexy carved jaw and cleft chin isn't even as interesting as what he can SAY?

and just like… bruce having to juggle the fact that suddenly joker is stalking him and making a big show of making notes about his behaviours like he's birdwatching, but joker ISN'T being violent, and he's actually occupied, so bruce just-- lets him

it's the perfect cover, right? bruce wayne is already an act where he pretends to be something he's not, so why would anyone ever think that there's ANOTHER secret identity under that?

i was just reading a Batjokes fic that isn't delving that much into this, but there's a moment where Joker picks up the picture of Bruce's parents in his office and makes some comments, and Bruce snaps and grabs him by the throat

and FUCK but like. can u imagine a moment like that in a story like this, where Bruce Wayne is a little scared of Joker, but genuinely trying to be nice - probably thinks he can rehabilitate him, the sweet, pretty idiot - and Joker is filtering out where he's acting

he's gorgeous and he CAN read, he CAN do maths, he CAN play people against each other

but then bruce snaps and suddenly joker is bent back against a wall or shoved to the ground or over a desk, and he's staring up at him, AWED

because, o ho ho, Brucie. this doesn't match in either column - should I be adding a third one to my table, huh? Brucie the playboy, Bruce Wayne the businessman, and… who's THIS?

and. fuck. what is Bruce supposed to say?

especially because a story like bruce's is EXPLICITLY and CONTINUOUSLY about masking and being closeted, like. joker could get very excited over what this reveals which is a bruce that's NOT soft: it's a bruce that's gay and KINKY, which is why he likes joker in the first place

[atwoodsfemalefantasy]

so sorry to take a break from politics for a second, but i need to rant about this new Joker movie.

please no. please please please no. for so many reasons.

the simplest of which is that the Joker is just such a tired story. it's been told so fucking many times. we get it! toxic masculine asshole falls into chemicals, turns into supervillain, manipulates and abuses his girlfriend, "sOcIeTy" yadda yadda fucking yadda. it was interesting for a while, but it's not anymore. there's no new way to tell this story!! it's been told!!

if you know me personally, you know that Harley Quinn is an icon of mine, and the movie Birds of Prey is extremely important to me. now before anybody comes at me about how "bad" a movie BoP was, i don't wanna hear it. you won't change my mind in thinking it's incredible. the only legit criticism i've seen has been badly veiled misogyny, or upset about the pacing (it was told by Harley Quinn! what did you expect?). but Birds of Prey was AMAZING because Margot Robbie fought HARD to FREE HARLEY QUINN. as the comics have made clear, Joker/Harley is one of the most toxic relationships to exist. Joker is manipulative, abusive, take all the credit for Harley's work, and overall, it's just a shitty relationship. but somehow the Joker movies have convinced the media that Joker/Harley is soooo romantic because Harley is so ride or die. Joker/Harley feeds into the "dark romance" genre. it appeals to men because Joker forces Harley into sexuality and Harley does whatever he says. women somehow got tricked into thinking it was romantic, too. and this pisses me off especially because in the comics!!! Joker/Harley is established to be abusive!!! and Harley gets out!!! and has a healthy relationship with Poison Ivy!!! and in BoP, Margot Robbie had to FIGHT the writers every step of the way to make Harley a) leave the Joker b) not go crawling back to him and c) be her own, fabulous person like she is in the comics. the point is, BoP and Suicide Squad 2 Harley is perfect, lines up with comic Harley, and is a huge role model for women, especially women leaving toxic relationships. and NOW this new Joker wants to throw all that away and make Harley that girl who bends over backwards to support Joker's abuse again! they want to undo all of that progress just to give us the same old "love story" that's really just a sick man preying on a girl (who was put in an uncomfortable position to turn him down because she was his therapist!!). why must we tell this same, tired story, WHILE throwing away all our progress with Harley that Margot Robbie pushed so damn hard for!

and finally, i'm just sick of how the audience receives the Joker. no matter how obviously Joker is shown as not a good guy or role model, teenage (and older) boys will ALWAYS view him as this hero who enforces toxic masculinity in a way that's cool enough that it sucks them in! the more we tell this fuckers story and glorify his shitty behavior (EVEN IF THE MOVIE IS TRYING TO BE SATIRE THAT CRITICIZES HIS BEHAVIOR), the more boys and men will insist that he's a role model and let their own toxic masculinity and woman hating grow and feed off him. THE JOKER IS NOT A FEEL GOOD STORY!! you're not supposed to hear the Joker talk and actually agree with him!! but just like American Psycho, these men will take a piece of media telling a CAUTIONARY TALE/SATIRICAL PIECE about toxic masculinity and make it their whole personality and use it to justify their own shitty behavior.

Gaga, please. I adore you, but i expected more from you. we do not need another Joker. i'm not prepared to see the halloween costumes of girls who are genuinely tricked into thinking this story is romantic. i'm not ready for the boys and men imitating the Joker again. i don't want to hear the same damn story again and again and again when the original point has been lost and misconceived dozens of remakes ago. why.

[turbulentscrawl]

How They React to Seeing Their S/O do the Pants-Dance-Shimmy to Pull on Some Tight Jeans

Just a silly little something I made for some serotonin

Thinks it’s adorable/funny

Emma- There’s a very decent chance she starts dancing next to you while you struggle, giggling cutely all the while.

Mike- He also wears tight jeans, so he understands and appreciates the shared struggle.

Demi- Damn, you’re cute. Careful not to slip on those little hops!

Norton- He wears a lot of jeans himself, but they’re certainly never that tight. He doesn’t say anything, though, because it’s pretty funny.

Kevin- Watches for a bit, and then suggests you just forego the pants today ;)

Lily- Oh mood! She’s right there with you.

Ada- Oh dear. It's alright, Emil needs help sometimes too. You're both cute.

Eli- He’ll literally stop whatever he’s doing just to watch you complete this ritual. 10/10 adorable and amusing.

Luca- He also wears tight jeans, but never has this issue, funny enough. He’s gonna watch you and giggle regardless.

Ithaqua- Honestly, you look stupid. But it’s a cute-stupid.

Totally bewildered

Joker- He’s a little concerned. Those aren’t going to restrict your blood flow or anything, are they?

Antonio- Loops his hair through the belt loops, lifts you up, and shakes you like a pillow case to help.

Naib- Listen, honey, listen…those might be too tight.

Melly- That seems like too much trouble. Just wear a skirt??

Aesop- Are those even comfortable?

Victor- Wonders if you got the wrong size? You know if the waist is too tight you’re gonna get an upset stomach, right?

Emil- Do you need some help???

Wu Chang-  Both of them wonder why jeans are worth all that effort.

They’re ashamed to be seen with you

Joseph- You’re literally so embarrassing.

Orpheus- Can you go do that somewhere else? Your jumping is making his handwriting skip.

Edgar- You’re supposed to be his muse, and you’ve just shattered the rose-colored glasses. He’s just being a dramatic asshole dw.

Michiko- You could have just asked for help. She wears a kimono and is used to the effort required for nice clothes.

Andrew- You look ridiculous. He’s going to pretend he doesn’t know you right now.

Luchino- Darling. Please.

Frederick- Just get some custom-made jeans already.