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zapreportsblog · 1 year

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The Last Of Us

➥ summary : young (m/n) was the last of the demon slayers, how he’s lived so long… well that’s his secret to tell

➥ a/n: a long time ago I wrote a story like this, be aware this is a twilight x male reader x demon slayer crossover story. This may seem a little confusing but hopefully it isn’t, I also haven’t read the original copy I made of this story but I remember one line that stuck out to me as hilarious so I’m recreating it enjoy :)

➥ chapter 1 : the act of an immortal life

In a world shrouded in darkness and inhabited by malevolent forces, a young male named (M/N) had his life forever altered by an unimaginable tragedy. From a tender age, he witnessed the harrowing death of his family at the hands of merciless demons.

The memory of that fateful night haunted (M/N)'s every waking moment. The flames engulfing his home, the agonized cries of his loved ones, and the malevolent laughter of the demonic beings replayed like a sinister melody in his mind. It was a night that plunged him into a world devoid of light, a world where shadows whispered secrets and fear clung to his every step.

After the tragic incident, (M/N) found himself alone, grappling with grief and an overwhelming sense of survivor's guilt. The weight of loss bore down on his young shoulders, threatening to crush him beneath its crushing force. The scars left behind, both visible and invisible, served as a constant reminder of the darkness that had consumed his once idyllic life.

Haunted by nightmares and plagued by a relentless thirst for justice, (M/N) became consumed by a single purpose—to avenge his family's tragic demise. He immersed himself in studying the occult and ancient texts, determined to uncover the secrets of the supernatural realm that had claimed his loved ones.

Years passed, and (M/N) honed his skills, his heart fuelled by an unquenchable desire for retribution. He became an adept hunter of the supernatural, seeking out the demonic beings responsible for his family's demise. Armed with knowledge, weapons, and a heart burning with determination, he ventured into the darkest corners of the world, chasing shadows and facing the very embodiment of evil.

But with each encounter, (M/N) found himself teetering on the edge of his own sanity. The line between hunter and hunted blurred, and the darkness he sought to eradicate threatened to consume him from within. He fought with ferocity, never faltering in his quest, but the scars he bore ran deeper than the physical wounds he inflicted upon his adversaries.

Amidst the bleakness of his existence, however, glimmers of hope emerged. He encountered individuals who offered a glimpse of light in the midst of his darkest days. Fellow hunters who understood the depths of his pain and stood by his side, they called themselves…demon slayers - lending strength when his own faltered. They became his newfound family, a beacon of solace in the tumultuous storm that raged within him.

As (M/N) continued his solitary crusade against the forces of darkness, he sought solace not only in vengeance but also in the belief that his family's legacy could be preserved through his actions. He vowed to protect others from experiencing the same pain he had endured, to ensure that no innocent lives would be claimed by the horrors that lurked in the shadows.

And so, (M/N) carried the weight of his tragic past upon his shoulders, his steps guided by both determination and a profound sense of loss. With each demon he banished and each life he saved, he inched closer to finding the closure he so desperately sought.

The journey ahead was treacherous, filled with danger and uncertainty, but (M/N) refused to be consumed by the darkness that had claimed his family. He would continue to fight, fueled by the memory of his loved ones and the hope that one day, he would find peace amidst the chaos that plagued his existence.

•••

(M/N) found himself lost in a realm of memories, where the echoes of a long and brutal war resonated deep within his soul. The clash of weapons, the screams of anguish, and the stench of blood filled his senses as he relived the relentless battle against the Demon King and his unholy forces.

As a demon slayer, (M/N) had fought alongside a brotherhood of warriors who shared his unwavering determination. Together, they stood as a beacon of hope against the encroaching darkness, their lives entwined by a common purpose—to protect humanity from the demonic scourge that threatened its very existence.

The war had been relentless, pushing (M/N) and his comrades to the limits of their physical and emotional endurance. They faced countless battles, each one marked by the possibility of death and the sacrifice of their brothers and sisters-in-arms. It was a time of profound loss, where the fallen were mourned, and the weight of survivor's guilt pressed heavily upon (M/N)'s heart.

But amid the chaos and despair, (M/N) found solace in his unwavering resolve. He refused to allow the sacrifices of his fallen comrades to be in vain. Their memory fueled his relentless pursuit of justice, and he continued to hone his skills with unwavering determination.

While some of his fellow demon slayers chose to retire after the Demon King's demise, seeking respite from the horrors they had endured, (M/N) could not quell the burning fire within him. He knew that his duty as a protector was far from over. The demons may have been vanquished, but the darkness they represented still lingered, waiting for an opportunity to resurface.

With each passing day, (M/N) pushed himself to the limit, refining his techniques, and seeking out new knowledge to fortify his arsenal against the unknown threats that lay in wait. He studied ancient texts, delved into forgotten rituals, and sought guidance from wise elders who held the secrets of the supernatural world.

As the years rolled by, (M/N) became a formidable force, wielding his armor and his skills with unparalleled precision. He grew as a warrior, but the memories of fallen comrades remained etched deep within his consciousness, a constant reminder of the sacrifices made during the war.

The path (M/N) had chosen was not an easy one. It demanded solitude, discipline, and an unwavering commitment to protecting the innocent. He encountered countless battles, vanquishing demons that threatened the fragile peace that had been won through the bloodshed of his brethren.

Amidst the battles, (M/N) found moments of respite, where he could reflect upon the sacrifices made and honor the memory of his fallen comrades. He knew that they would forever be a part of him, guiding him in his quest for justice and reminding him of the fragility of life.

The war had left scars, both visible and invisible, etched upon (M/N)'s body and soul. But he wore them with pride, a testament to his unwavering dedication to his cause. He knew that the fight against darkness would continue, and he would be at the forefront, a shield against the encroaching shadows.

As (M/N) continued to sharpen his skills and explore the depths of his abilities, he remained steadfast in his commitment to protect humanity. With the memories of the fallen close to his heart, he stood as a testament to their sacrifice, a living embodiment of the unbreakable spirit that had united them in the face of overwhelming odds.

And so, (M/N) pressed forward, his journey defined by his past and driven by the undying flame within him. He was a warrior, forged by war and remembrance, and his legacy would be one of resilience, courage, and the unyielding will to confront the darkness head-on.

•••

The passage of time had become an eternal enigma for (M/N), as he remained suspended in the perpetuity of youth. While the world around him aged and changed, he remained eternally fixed at the tender age of fifteen. It was a puzzling phenomenon that seemed inextricably linked to the mysterious liquid that his now-deceased "sister" Shinobu had injected into his veins.

(M/N) found himself deep in introspection, his mind weaving through the memories of his past. Shinobu, a brilliant and enigmatic scientist, had been his constant companion in his tireless fight against the forces of darkness. It was she who had administered the strange liquid into his bloodstream, imbuing him with an unforeseen gift or curse—the gift of immortality.

As he recalled the moment when the liquid coursed through his veins, (M/N) was flooded with mixed emotions. Fear had gripped his heart momentarily, questioning the repercussions of such a radical act. But Shinobu's unwavering conviction and promises of enhanced abilities had eclipsed his doubts, leading him to consent to the injection.

However, as the years rolled by, and he witnessed the fleeting nature of life surrounding him, (M/N) grew increasingly aware of the peculiarity of his situation. Friends and loved ones aged gracefully, their faces marked with the gentle touch of time, while he remained forever frozen in youth. It was a constant reminder of his otherness, his detachment from the natural course of existence.

With each passing year, (M/N) became plagued by a burning curiosity, a relentless desire to unravel the truth behind his immortal state. He embarked on a relentless quest for knowledge, poring over ancient tomes and scouring the annals of history in search of answers.

In his research, (M/N) discovered snippets of lore and whispered tales about the elixirs of life and the pursuit of everlasting youth. Legends spoke of mythical beings and alchemical secrets, tantalizing fragments of a puzzle that might hold the key to his condition. But amidst the ancient tales, one thing became clear—immortality came with a price.

Haunted by the thought of a life bereft of connection and enduring heartbreak, (M/N) grappled with the implications of his eternal youth. The weight of isolation grew heavy upon his shoulders, knowing that he would forever be separated from the natural progression of life, destined to wander through the tapestry of time as a solitary figure.

In the depths of his soul, (M/N) harbored a burning desire to understand Shinobu's role in his immortal state. He couldn't shake the suspicion that the mysterious liquid she had injected into his veins was the catalyst for his unending youth. But with Shinobu now gone, he felt a profound sense of loss and longing, knowing that the answers he sought lay buried within her secrets.

With a resolute determination, (M/N) resolved to uncover the truth that lay hidden within the shadows of his past. He would embark on a personal journey, delving into the remnants of Shinobu's research and seeking the counsel of ancient scholars and mystics who might possess the wisdom he craved.

As he ventured forth, (M/N) understood that the road ahead would be fraught with uncertainty and the weight of his own immortality. But he was willing to face the challenges, to confront the demons of his past and the enigma of his existence. In the depths of his heart, he held on to the hope that, one day, he would unearth the truth behind his unyielding youth and discover his place in a world that continued to evolve around him.

•••

Centuries had slipped away like sand through (M/N)'s fingers, leaving him a solitary witness to the ever-changing tides of time. The year was now 2005, and he found himself enrolled in an orphanage, a place that had become his refuge in this new era. Within its walls, (M/N) concealed his enigmatic past, the weight of his immortal existence known only to him.

To the staff and fellow orphans, he was a quiet and mysterious figure, known only as (M/N). They had heard whispers of a tragic past, of a family torn apart by violence, but the specifics remained elusive. (M/N) had chosen to keep the memories locked away, buried deep within his soul, as he dedicated himself to training relentlessly in the quiet corners of the orphanage's backyard.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years as (M/N) honed his skills, his body a well-oiled machine refined through the passage of time. The other orphans watched in awe and curiosity, sensing an air of strength and resilience that surrounded him. They marveled at his unwavering dedication, unaware of the centuries of training and battles that had shaped him.

Within the confines of the orphanage, (M/N) sought solace in his ceaseless pursuit of perfection. The echoes of his past mingled with the present, driving him to become a formidable force capable of protecting the innocent and upholding justice. The shadows that had haunted his existence had given birth to an unwavering resolve—a commitment to prevent others from experiencing the same tragedy he had endured.

As (M/N) immersed himself in his training, the bond between him and the orphans grew stronger. They found inspiration in his unwavering spirit, his quiet determination becoming a beacon of hope within the confines of the orphanage. He became a mentor, guiding them in their own journeys of self-discovery and self-improvement.

The other orphans sensed something extraordinary about (M/N), an aura of wisdom that belied his youthful appearance. They were drawn to his words of encouragement and the strength he exuded, finding solace in his presence. They admired his resilience, unaware of the countless battles he had fought and the trials he had overcome.

(M/N), in turn, found solace in the camaraderie he shared with his newfound family. Their innocence and joy helped fill the void in his heart, allowing him to experience a semblance of the connection he had lost so long ago. Through their laughter and companionship, he discovered that even in a world that perpetually changed, there were constants—love, friendship, and the indomitable human spirit.

As the days turned into months and the years rolled on, (M/N) found a semblance of peace within the walls of the orphanage. He channeled his immortality into protecting and guiding those who had crossed his path, providing a source of strength and inspiration to those who needed it most. In their eyes, he was a mentor, a protector, and a guardian angel—unaware of the depth of his immortal existence.

Amidst the passage of time, (M/N) embraced the duality of his existence. The echoes of his past intertwined with the present, shaping him into a beacon of hope for those around him. With each passing day, he continued to train, to refine his skills, and to prepare himself for the battles that awaited him.

As the world moved forward, (M/N) remained steadfast, bound by the weight of his own immortality. Yet, he found purpose in the quiet corners of the orphanage, his dedication to protecting the innocent guiding his every step. The echoes of his past were etched deep within his soul, propelling him to embrace the future and to forge a destiny worthy of his enduring spirit.

•••

Alice and Jasper stood before Carlisle, their hearts filled with a mixture of anticipation and nervousness. The couple had made a life-changing decision—one that would shape their future and bring new light into their immortal existence. They sought Carlisle's guidance and blessing as they discussed the possibility of adopting a child.

Carlisle, always the calm and composed figure, listened attentively to their request. He understood the weight of their desire and the responsibility that came with expanding their family. But he also knew the complexities of their lifestyle, the challenges they faced as immortal beings navigating the mortal world.

"Carlisle," Alice began, her voice gentle yet filled with determination, "we've talked extensively about this. We feel ready to embrace the gift of parenthood, to offer love and guidance to a child who needs it. We understand the risks and challenges, but we're confident in our abilities to provide a nurturing and safe environment."

Jasper, standing by Alice's side, nodded in agreement. "We've spent years adapting to our existence and learning to control our instincts. We've grown, and we believe we can be positive influences in a child's life. We want to offer them a family, a home where they can flourish."

Carlisle regarded the couple with a thoughtful expression, his golden eyes reflecting both caution and concern. He understood the depth of their love for one another and their desire to extend that love to a child in need. But he couldn't ignore the fact that Jasper was still relatively new to their lifestyle, his thirst for human blood a constant challenge that required careful management.

"Alice, Jasper," Carlisle began, his voice measured. "While I understand your longing to become parents, we must consider the potential risks involved. Jasper, you are still acclimating to our way of life. We must ensure the safety and well-being of a child above all else."

Alice, unwavering in her support for Jasper, interjected, her voice filled with conviction. "Carlisle, I have complete faith in Jasper's ability to control his urges. He has come a long way, and he has shown incredible strength and restraint. He won't hurt anyone while I'm around."

Carlisle regarded Alice with a mix of admiration and understanding. Her unwavering belief in Jasper's growth and her ability to read the future added a layer of assurance to their request. After a moment of contemplation, he finally spoke, his voice gentle yet cautious.

"I see the love and dedication you both possess, and I trust your judgment, Alice. You have a unique insight into the future, and if you vouch for Jasper's ability to control his urges, then I am inclined to support your decision."

A wave of relief washed over Alice and Jasper as Carlisle gave his blessing. They understood the responsibility they were undertaking, the need to be ever-vigilant in protecting their family. But they also recognized the potential for growth, for love to flourish within the walls of their home.

With gratitude in their hearts, Alice and Jasper embraced one another, their joy palpable. They knew the path ahead would be challenging, but they were prepared to face it together. As they thanked Carlisle for his guidance, they carried with them the blessing that would pave the way for a new chapter in their immortal lives—a chapter filled with love, compassion, and the joy of raising a child as part of their growing family.

#x reader #x reader series #twilight x reader #twilight #twilight imagine #twilight imagines #twilight x male reader #twilight x male reader x demon slayer #x male reader #x male y/n #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer #demon slayer imagines #demon slayers imagine #demon slayer x male reader

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thurio-edau · 3 months

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okay, the history of my life with a narcissistic (i dont even know if i wrote that right) abusive elder sister and a fucked up family story. because i have to sort things out. there will be... a lot of things about me that i've never talked about before. you really don't have to read this. i just need to scream into the void.

warning. possible REALLY disturbing things ahead.

alright. here goes nothing.

i was a little child, three years younger than her. ever since i gained conciousness, due to living with her and staying in the same room, i had to be around my elder sister. and i was a naive child. i used to be a polyanna even... yeah. me. a polyanna. first of all,

anger issues are genetic in our family. mostly in my father's side but they exist in my mama's side too. my father has externalized anger issues, while my ma internalized. my sister always resembled our father in everything while i picked up after our mom. which, was also the case in our genetical anger problems.

externalized anger was always the same. yelled, screamed, fought, hit, then pretend like nothing happened after the crisis. and the internalized would silently take whatever happened and never fight back, but instead of having that nothing-happened feeling the internalized would keep it. keep it in and activate their anger themselves, but also towards themselves. never out. this caused bottled up rage and self-inflicted damage, physical or mental. and it'd stay, the external passed but the internal never did. it remained and turned into sadness, suffering, agony and pain.

the dynamic, external and internal dynamic, always remained the same way. like my father and my mom, it was the same in my sister and i. and for some fucking dumb reason i don't even know both me and mom are soft, forgiving people that always feel bad to act slightly rude. we're just like that. we are too soft. we are too forgiving. just like how she forgave father and still loved him. i would cover my ears in my bed at night while my father yelled at her, his voice increasing always terrified me. i was scared. but my mom still forgave him and loved him. and i was the same with my sister.

i was a fucking child just wanting to be loved. for complicated and long reasons, i hardly saw my father growing up. i'll try to explain. my father, for years, was blamed for terrorism and he spent years prisoned. a few years he was in, but a few years he ran away just to work and provide for his family. he's not a bad person. he tried to care. he tried to, but he didn't know how to do certain things. and when he ran away, he had to work on smaller jobs to not get caught. when he was caught however, we had a long period of time where we fought severe income problems. without a father and an uneducated housewife mom, everything was hard for us. my father was prisoned, and i hardly saw him for long years. there were monthly meetings however, but just those. there were also phone calls but as i said, i was a child. so there wasn't much to be said.

and my mama used antideprassants. without anyone to support her financially any emotionally, and having her husband far away, while dealing with her own traumatic childhood, away from her home, as a mother raising two kids, life was hard for her. she tried, she tried so damn hard, to raise us. she seemed strong for us, she laughed with us, she read us stories to sleep and always tried to make us happy and feel like nothing was happening. and she succeeded. i wasn't even aware of everything for long years.

but for a lot of things we had to depend on other people. grandmother, aunts, uncles... and my mom grew up in an environment where she was seen as an extra. some help. not as a human being. for that she saw getting help as being a burden. while her thoughts didn't go through my sister's thick skull, i was a much more sensible child. too sensible in fact. so i grew up in the same mindset as my mom. never depend on others. be your own person because you're a weakling if you need help. you're just a burden if you need other people and can't stand on your own. i had the same mindset. i was a fucking child.

and our personalities were done by the time. before my father was prisoned, since my sister was the first child, she was given a lot of care. she was a gifted child; reading newspapers at three years old, writing good, maths and science, learning a lot of things, gripping stuff easily, smart... and the care given to her boosted her ego a lot. she wanted attention. when i was born, the attention went to her still. because c'mon, they had a gifted child. i was a silent, calm child. probably nothing like her. so the attention still went to her. it made her feel as if the world was only around her. when my father was prisoned, it only kept going on. my mother gave us equal love and care, but my elder sister already had her ego damn high.

she always saw herself as something perfect, above all else. which included me too. she trashed me, always yelled at me, hurt me, yet she acted the perfect daughter. because i couldn't talk. because i, despite being pushed aside by her (and by her manipulation for years, our cousins because we grew up together with them and she was the same age as them) (except for nola, she's three years younger than me) and being bullied, hurt, i still yearned for her love. i remember it so damn vividly. i would draw hearts and make cutouts for her, i would try to do stuff she loved, just to have some worth and care in her eyes. just for her to love me. i still saw her as my sister because that's what she was. i lived together with her, i was around her, and i was touch starved as a child. no father around to care -and he always cared for her 'gift' more than he cared for me- and having our cousins by her side, i was always pushed away. i wanted love too, care too, attention too, and i tried so fucking hard for years just for her to love me too.

but it never worked. seeing how i was still around her it only made her worse. she did worse. i have had derealization issues since childhood. i had existensal crisises, real life issues, derealization and depersonalization issues as a child. i always mixed real life with my imagination, with my daydreams and night dreams. maybe i imagined some of the abuse. i still don't know if it was real or a dream, but it felt damn real and i remember it vividly. the damage was already done. and it was irreversible. and i still tried to get her to love me and to care for me. i remember us going to our aunt's vacation site for summers and she befriended everyone in the site and played with them and got them to bully me. and what did i do? i still tried. i still tried to get some love from her and the people there. random people i didn't know, but they were her friends, so they should be my friends too right? it hurt so damn much but i still tried. i still tried to have some love and care, some attention, in hopes that i'd also be included. but the same happened everywhere. alone with her, with our cousins, with her friends, it always happened. but i still tried. i was desperate to get the attention i couldn't get from our father and her. from our cousins, the only people around us. because i realized our mom was only putting up a facade in front of us. i faced real life when i was eight years old. and once you realize your mom's happiness is just a facade you realize how everything is fake. i even doubted her sometimes.

reminder on just how fucked up the situation was: i was eight years old.

yet i was a polyanna. i tried to be a polyanna. i tried to smile and laugh because my mom was doing the same. my mom was crying by herself and smiling for us, my mom was using medication while dying inside, my mom was dealing with her childhood. and i picked up after her. if she smiled, laughed, to make others feel happy and love her, i should do the same right? no matter how unloved i felt, if i did the same, i would have what i wanted right? now that i look back i realize how fucking desperate i was. i tried my whole life for some care and i never got it. and i still laughed and tried again. i mean, if i'm not gonna have what i wanted, at least not make others feel bad. at least make them happy right? so i still laughed. i had the perfect fake smile by the time i was nine.

i was at elementary school. i tried again. and this time? it worked. with that smile, with that laugh, i was able to have 'friends'. i felt important, the polyanna had people around 'her' by acting like a sunshine. i was in the school bus. i spent first grade in the same school bus as my sister because we went to the same school, she was fourth grade then. and i was silent in the bus. because she was there. and the people the same age as her actually bullied me that whole year when i was like seven. but once she was gone, when i was in second grade and she (also those with her) were in middle school, i could shine in the school bus. i talked, laughed, smiled when she was away. and there i had people around me too. people loved the polyanna. i succeeded. it may have took me years but i won what i wanted. i had people around me at school. i loved school in elementary. because it was the only place i had people that cared. or at least felt like it, but i had friends and i wasn't alone.

how happy, right? well. even though i had what i tried for so long, some attention and love, i still felt... an emptiness. while i didn't have that emptiness at school with my 'friends', i had it again as soon as i left. it always returned when i was alone again. it always returned when i was home again. so i tried again. to fill that void, again, with my elder sister. try to have her love again because i couldn't tire my mom. she was already tired. i didn't want to exhaust her. i tried to get love from my sister, from my cousins, i tried.

and i got attention from our aunts. i loved them so much, our aunts and uncles loves me so much. i even think they adored me more than my sister. the only people that cared for me more than they cared gor her gift was them. and i loved them so much. but seeing that the attention wasn't always on her (and they also loved her a lot, just that they gave us equal attention or a teensy bit more to me) my sister got mad. she had a high ego while she crushed mine since i gained conciousness. so she hurt me about it behind the curtains. she'd pressure me like 'they spoiled you so much' 'you're so selfish' 'you never care about others' 'you're too spoiled' which eventually became such a key stone in my mind. and the burden mindset was placed. i started to feel like a burden around everyone. because i was spoiled. i was selfish for wanting their love. i was selfish for being touch starved. and by time that emptiness took over. i started to never think about myself then. i always put other people ahead of myself, yeah, but that got extreme then. i forgot i was a being. because i wasn't anymore. i was just a burden, a pain, something selfish that doesn't deserve anything it's getting. something so selfish that it didn't know what the real world was, something so selfish it only lived inside it's own mind, mixed the reality with it's daydreams where it was cared about. so by time that became my whole personality.

when i was ten years old that was all i knew. i just knew that i was simply nothing, thinking anything i save for myself is being selfish. thinking i was a burden. the satisfaction i acquired by having people i loved in school gave it's place to emptiness. because i wanted to be loved, that for sure was selfishness and only made me a burden to the people i wanted attention from, right? of course. what a logical thing to believe. how smart of you, little polyanna. but i believed it. i was a naive kid. there, i was now a full blown people pleaser. the 'friends' i had were only people for me to be around to make them happy. it was a one way road. and with that i still panicked, am i being a burden?

so when i was at 5th or 6th grade, my father got back. he was searched for a while (but not very much searched. cops invaded our house just a few times) but he was escaping. i had my father back, but he was a stranger. he wasnt here while i was growing up, what was i supposed to do? he was like a big friend that we saw once a month. now he was constantly with us... and he realized the elder daughter he left wasnt the same. thats when it all went downhill.

then i got into middle school... the school part is different, this is just the family. wild stuff happened at school so my mentality already went shit.

it was good for a while. our income increased (not greatly, but an increase was an increase) and we now had a father! it was good, right? no. since we only saw him once a month, he was always smiley around us. loving. caring. but those values leave when you always see the person. because now youre with them every day. and that was exactly what happened. he was strict, he demanded there be dinner ready at 19.30 when he was coming home from work. he would get mad if all of us werent in the kitchen, helping our mom set the dinner. he would yell. it didnt usually get physical, but... that didnt mean never.

his anger issues became more apparent day by day. and my elder sister is like a carbon female copy of him, with added emotional things and lots of ego. so what happens if you put an angry father in the same house as the 'gifted' but burning out daughter, who is really self-centered? chaos.

every day almost, it was yelling. yelling and yelling and yelling. i learnt to mask my emotions, i learnt to be the wall. i learnt to shut my door and put my earphones on. i learnt to close my eyes, to ignore, then to smile and act like i loved them the same. but every time, i hated them both more. my insomnia started at 6th grade. after we went to sleep, the yelling would continue. because he couldnt take his anger out of a 12 year old, right? then his yelling went to my mom. even after they shut up and went to sleep like nothing happened, i would cry in my bed, covering my ears because his voice still rang in my ears. any kind of yelling started to trigger me. i feared my own father at 9 years old, how do i not fear anyone else?

some days my sister and i would go out together to the market. i tried to be around her because i still yearned for her love. she just used me as a rambling dump. because, i cant deny it, a lot of pressure was put on her because of her gift. she had a lot of people expecting much from her, she was sent to special schools while i was in public schools, she had people looking at her. so she would turn the pressure on her to me. to this day she still tells me that since all the pressure went to her, i was set free. she said 'they put us in the same scale. if our father makes me do something, he counts is as you did too. they think you're the same as me.' what she doesn't realize is they're also thinking of me as a smaller version of her. the pressure put on her is being reflected to me. anyways, during one of those days. i never forget. as i said, i always loved and forgave everyone. which included both my father and sister. i remember her say, 'i just want him to stay because he's getting money.' her only care for our father was that he was working. she was 12 years old.

i learnt to not use money. i always felt the heaviness of it. my father often talked about it, how it was hard to get by. debt, debt, debt, debt... i saw what i wanted as extras. i ignored my wants. i even ignored my needs. i refused each time my mom asked to get me anything new. i have clothes, i dont need new ones. its old, its ripped, i dont care. i have it. i dont need a new one. my shoes ripped open. its still working, i dont need anything. i started to deny everything offered to me. i didn't need to eat because that meant they would eat less. after a while, numbness arrived. also reminding that i had a school life that was going fucked up too. i was constantly bullied by people i called my friends back then. but i said nothing. i was already a burden, anything i do was a burden.

i didnt tell them i was bullied. i didnt tell them i lost all my friends. i didnt tell them i was feeling like nothing, i didnt tell them i needed help. i remember, a TV series was made. it was about a psychiatrist's patients. one day, when i was beside my mom, she was watching and the patient gave a big amount of money to pay for the visit. my mom said, '[deadname], dont have anything happen to you. look at how expensive that is.'

to her it was just a comment. she didnt even think. but it made me push away my mental needs.

i was just something that made our family lose money. i was worth nothing. that was all i was thinking. i was a burden, a pain, i was only hurting them by existing. i was ten fucking years old. i started wanting to die.

then the quarantine arrived... god. i was now stuck in the same house as both my father and sister. i wanted to escape them so i started sleeping in the fucking balcony until winter. it was my safe haven, far away from everyone. my father pressured my studies and online classes. he had strict rules. he, once again, was making me hate him. and during these days, things with my sister got weird. or was it before quarantine? i dont know.

so my sister now didnt have as much attention as she used to. and she hated our father. but those days, i had become numb. i was like empty, a puppet my logic played. i smiled when needed, i fought when required; but never let my emotions let alone control, think about being in the charge of me. during these days, my cousins started to love me and hate my sister, during these days, i became close with nola. my sister lost the attention. she became extremely clingy. she said she changed in person, but the abuser never remembers what the abused does. i had trauma amnesia, yeah, but i had it in my mind.

i pushed her away this time. i got away from her. i was really rude to her, but in reality i was just protecting myself. and once again, yelling. she yelled whenever she didnt get what she wanted. and then acted like nothing happened right after. because she was just like our father, external anger issues. and i hated yelling now. i sometimes cried even when a voice raised slightly. i started reading people. a small change in tone made me think they hated me. i was terrified of everyone. paranoid. i acted tough, strong, i tried to be tough and strong. but inside i was bottling up everything. i ignored everything about myself and gave my all for others.

she got clingier. at this point i started to feel anger. the numbness somehow broke and i started to feel again, this time to just be angry all the time. but my anger was internalized, i couldnt reflect it outside. i just wasnt able to. besides, anything i did would add gasoline to the fire that was our 'family'. so i started to relieve the anger by self harm. the difference is that, back then the cuts i made weren't permanent marks. now they are.

my sister tried to connect with me. but since it all turned into yelling, even after we successfully talked, it just broke me. i was now far more rude. i pushed her away at every chance. i lost my forgiving side against her.

fast forwarding the two years. in this space, my father got arrested once and for all then was set free. after that he got a really good job that was his dreams, to work on robots. but he had to move to another city for that. everything calmed down then. i now could keep my eating disorder the way i wanted because i didnt have a father forcing dinner on us every day. he was lost with his strictness. he only got home at weekends... which also caused chaos. dont think this means i hate my family. i love my mom forever. i love my father, mostly. and, i might never admit it, but i care about my sister too. i hate her but... yeah. i want her to go away, but i dont want anything bad happen to her either. because im still too fucking soft. i ignore all her abuse. now she hates me again. she bullies me whenever she can... but also tries again to have my attention. its complicated. she's really emotional, she cries a lot. i hugged her when she cried the other day. i wanted to break my own arms for it. i dont want to be around her. but i have to.

stopped eating. because who cares? my sister knows. she knows i have one. she just doesnt give a fuck. she doesnt care that im killing myself with this.

the other day i directly told to her, 'you destroyed my life.' she immediately denied. but its my life. that you dont know of. you dont know what you caused me, you dont know what i went through. you destroyed my life. but i still cant help but care about you. you took everything from me. but i still have our connection, and its sacred for me.

as much as i want to cut it off.

yeah. i cried multiple times while writing this. i rememberred a lot of stuff i forgot. i dont think anyone will read my whole family story -at least whole that i can remember now- anyway cause its way too long.

and im sorry if you read all this. im a fucking mess. this is just the family part, there is the school part too but i dont know if i'll write that. sometimes i doubt myself, 'maybe im overreacting what i went through. maybe im not depressed and just want attention.' but after this... i, really really dont know what to say. im so done. im so tired. im so fucking tired. i wanted to kill myself since i was ten years old. i almost killed myself a few times. im so tired. its not that i want to die, i realized. its that i dont want to live this. i just want to rest, please. i just need to be alone. far away from this 'family' that will throw me away. im so fucking tired. im so fucking done. im so exhausted of cutting myself and then having to bandage it. having to hide my arm. im so fucking tired of wanting to throw my whole stomach out each time i eat. im so fucking sick of closing my eyes and not being able to sleep.

im so done with my mood swings. im so done with looking at the mirror and seeing someone i dont want to be. im so done with looking at my non-working antideprassants and wanting to overdose on them. im so done with standing on the roof, wanting to jump down. im so done with everything. im so done.

someone save me from this hell this loophole i dont want to be in this pain please i dont want to have to feel this every single fucking day i want to be normal for once i want to feel loved accepted cared about cherished everything i wasnt given as a child

save me

please

its hard to breathe

#tw trauma #tw disordered eating #tw ptsd #tw overdose #tw ana #tw self destruction #tw sh #tw family issues #tw family trauma #rant #rant post #personal rant

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lovearne · 11 months

Text

Village

Ghost (Simon riley) x reader (platonic)

Non gendered trans reader

No use of y/n, no mention of sex or gender

All of my fics and my whole page is 18+ only, if you are a child leave. I deserve a safe space to express myself, all blogs under 18 or no age will be blocked. Let me enjoy my experience safely on the internet, thank you.

I needed to get how I currently feel out. I know a lot of trans and non-cis people can relate. So I wrote this to be viewed by anybody who isn't cis. I do user the term transgender so please be aware of that if you don't identify as trans.

This fic is very loosely inspired by my resonation with 'the village by wrabble' there are some lyrics used as dialog.

Warnings: transphobia, Christian typical trans and homophobia, reader is suicidal, reader self harms, mostly Ghosts pov.

Word count: 1.3k

He was worried.

He was very rarely worried. Hardly hardly ever worried.

But he finds himself worried sick over you.

He'd watched for years as a friend as you'd gotten more and more tense. You'd started with bright eyes and a light soul. He'd found it irritating. He found you obnoxious. He hated obviously happy and bouncy people.

But after a particularly long break, coming back from his leave time, he'd seen you going into the mess hall for breakfast. You were still in the government issued pyjamas.

He found that strange.

It didn't take him long to see that your eyes had died a little. He'd clocked it instantly. The way you carried yourself as if you were surviving out of necessity instead of enjoyment.

You'd stopped the quirky nature you had. Your heart was obviously not behind anything anymore.

This also made you better in the field.

This made you harder, it seemed.

He didn't care.

At least he didn't want to.

He wanted to be able to say that you didn't worry him. But you were starting to.

That irritated him.

The last time he'd worried he'd gotten his people killed.

It wasn't until years later, and multiple leave periods where you'd stay at base the whole time that he was officially worried.

You'd lost all of it. All need for self preservation. All want to keep going.

The last mission the two of you endured you'd gambled the hardest with your life than he'd ever seen before. Well, besides that in himself.

You'd gladly throw away your whole life, just for the pain to go away.

It also didn't take much for him to notice things.

Self inflicted wounds.

He knew what those looked like.

He knew what those felt like.

He knew to some semblance what hell you'd put yourself through.

Although he didn't want to, he decided he'd needed to speak to you.

He spent the walk to your barrack going over the symptoms he'd seen you outwardly show, and some he'd seen through your mask.

The sharp knock his knuckles made on your door shook him. There was something he was missing.

"Lieutenant Ghost," you'd started,voice a little slurred, indulging in a little contraband on your off hours. "How may I help you sir?" Your voice was quickly slipping between professional and slurred.

"Have you been drinking?" You nodded.

"As much as I can." He nodded. "I know you have to write me up for it. Go ahead."

"No, instead of that, you're gonna talk to me." You rolled your eyes.

"Fuck," you sighed. "fine. Want some scotch?" He answered you and you let him into your room.

The two of you sat there, occasional sips from you with your alcohol and the steady sound of the tap that leaked just enough to lull you to sleep at night.

"So, Lt. Why not just ask me." He sat a little straighter to look at you. You nod. "Go on." You pause. "I'm curious as to why you'd even come here."

"I've noticed a change in you since you started." You nod.

"Yeah, war. Amirite?" You try to joke, bitterly.

"Not quite." You shoot your eyebrows up.

"Well, then what do you think?" He sighs, trying to remain a caring superior.

"I think that if I searched your garbage trail, I'd find bottles of empty alcohol." You nod. "I think that if I went to the general, he'd throw you home with 'dishonourable discharge' slapped on your file." You nod again.

"So that's what this is. An intervention?" You chuckle with dry humour.

"I didn't know about the drinking until you opened the door." His head shook. "But addiction isn't surprising. I just know it's not the only thing going on." He breathes. "I'm not pressuring you, I'm just trying to help you."

"So you walk in here wanting answers?" He nods. "OK, ask your questions." He tilts his head, eyes narrowing. "I've already been disowned. Worst that can happen is you transfer me." Oh. That's why you hadn't left base.

"OK. The first leave after you started. You came home early." You laughed again. This time in displeasure.

"Yep, yep I did." Your eyes had sunken.

"Why?"

"Being disowned and thrown out will do that." He nodded. "Next question."

"Why did you do that?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you take my place the last mission?" You shrugged.

"Didn't want you to die, I guess."

"Or you wanted to." Oh. You pushed a breath through your nose.

"Yeah, that's been a constant thought since puberty." He nods.

"Why don't you wear the cross?"

"What?" He leans his head forward.

"That cross necklace you had. Johnny has one like it." You laughed amused.

"Stopped believing in a puritan hypercult." He huffed at that.

"Why?" You looked at him.

"Why not? They are just a bunch of prices using the fact that people are afraid of death to push hatred into the world. I can't be loyal to a God that shuns people for things they can't help. Or a religion that stripped people of rights and culture. I couldn't do it anymore." He nods.

"So, why does he shun you?" You shake your head.

"Why does he shun you?" You retort.

"I kill people that probably don't deserve it. I leave a trail of bodies of coworkers and innocents behind me. I'm… fucked up. Twisted, you may call it." You emphasise with him.

"Heavens operated anyways."

"Your turn." He said. You gulp.

"I'm not," you start.

"Take your time. I'm here to help."

"I'm not who you see." He nods.

"OK." You close your eyes.

"It's like wearing a costume. And I hate wearing it, but no matter what I do, I can't get it off, I can't change it, I can't take away the parts I like and put on the parts I do like. It's like I'm constantly screaming, wanting out." He nods again. "I'm transgender." He nods again.

"There is nothing wrong with you." He returns. You nod.

"My parents think so, my ex religion thinks so, strangers think so. They'd rather me die than be trans." Then it clicked.

"It's one page in the Bible. One page."

"Christians aren't so smart, Lt. They pick and choose which pages to listen to." You laugh, butter again.

"One page in the Bible isn't worth a life." You close your eyes. "There's nothing wrong with you, there's something wrong with them."

"Why does it feel that way then? Why do they do that? Why do they-"

"Did you know in the wild birds will kill birds who are too colourful or not colourful enough?" You shake your head. "Society hates different. They want to stomp it down and ruin it. But you can't let that happen." You shake your head again.

"Some days it's harder." He nods.

"I know. Healing isn't a straight line." You nod. He puts his hand comfortingly on your shoulder.

"Now, anything you need for your transition if you choose to do so, I will ensure you have access to. And anything you need for yourself I will also organise. But first. You need to go to rehab. I will not allow you to be an alcoholic and drink your days away."

"That's a little hypocritical Lieutenant.

He laughs. And your eyes brighten.

Months later, your eyes and attitude are continuing to lighten.

He finds himself less worried with each passing day.

You're one life he's saved that he will always hold close in his heart. You were now his found family. You were as much his kid as you were his sibling. And he'd treat you as such.

Until the day he died.

And you couldn't ask for a better brother.

#simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #ghost x reader #platonic fic #trans reader #transgender #trans

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dazaisimpletmereadfanficspls · 1 year

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A bloody goodbye

A/N Hi this is my first time posting on tumblr, I wrote something right after my daily mental breakdown from chapter 109 so I was in the mood to write something sad<3 ALSO MANGA SPOILERS AHEAD

The room felt cold to Chuuya, like he was suddenly embraced by the ghost of a dead friend. Perhaps that really is what happened just now. Four bullet wounds could be seen on his old friend and ex partner's body, two to his shoulders, one to his kidney and a finishing blow to his head.

The same Dazai who just wouldn't die, even after all those suicide attempts was killed by the hands of his dear friend. What a sight, any normal person would think that he'd be happy. He has expressed his disgust and hate for Dazai many times.

"Congratulations Chuuya"

A voice rings in his head, his head filled with questions when he stares at the pistol in his hand. Nothing can compare to the immense guilt and horror he felt. He didn't need to ask, he knew exactly what happened. Dazai's lifeless body laying limp right in front of him, the voice of a Russian man ringing in his head and a horrible ache penetrating his skull.

He hated it, all of it. He was in horrible pain, every inch of his body hurt. But that could never even compare to the pain he inflicted on his ex partner. He wanted to throw up, he wanted to die, he wanted to kill the Russian, so many things were happening in his head he felt it was his only option.

"Granters of dark disgrace.."

As he muttered the words feared by all those who faces him on the battefield, he realized this would be his last time using Corruption. After all, no one can save him anymore.

"You need not wake me again"

Red marks appeared on his arms and his face, as his consciousness once again slipped away. The burning sensation of pure rage fading into pure agony from the form. He screamed in pain, but he could feel the power flowing through his veins.

"Chuuya? What are you doing?! This prison can withstand you abilities, you can't just break out with brute force!"

He could hear the Russian's voice fading, this would be his last kill. He could end a war right then and there, but he didn't do it because he had anyone to protect. He didn't care anymore. A small hint of regret flashed in his eyes before the god within him unleashed itself and everything went dark.

Dostoevksy didn't panic, after all why would he? He had completed his goal, and there was no way Chuuya could get to him. He had taken measurements, although he had not thought about the possibility that Chuuya would use Corruption. It was a terrible idea, and he knew it very well.

He would take his final breath in the prison, by the hands of his bishop. This was the end of the terrorrist Fyodor Dostoevsky. And he was ready, he had many things to say. But he'd get another chance the next time he manifests. And he'd do it all over again.

The door to the control room swings open, and a short male flew in throwing a wild punch at the Russian. In an uncontrollable rage, he tore the man's skin off his bones, he punched the anemics face over and over until it was so dismorphed he didn't look human anymore. It hurt, but he never screamed. He had experienced far worse, he felt his own death draw near as the light slipped from his fingertips. He no longer had a reason to hide his true self. He was no man of god, he was a devil, a demon born in the flesh. There was not an ounce of humanity left in his wretched mind.

He never took a final breath, his lungs were ripped out of his body at the hands of the raging man. His death was not a grand moment, no one could see the look in his eyes as he said his goodbyes to the world. He died in pure agony, by the hands of a man he made his servant.

It had been too long, there was no second chance for Chuuya anymore. He had passed the point of no return. In the brief moment where his consciousness returned to him, he could see a man with long white hair in a braid. The man's face was blurry, but he knew exactly who it was. This man was there to witness both their deaths.

"'Till death do we part, Chuuya"

"What kind of sappy crap are you making up now?"

"Y'know, one day I'm gonna succeed."

"Succeed in what, exactly?"

"I'll finally get to die."

"When that happens I'll open a bottle of my finest wine and drink it with everyone from the Port Mafia by my side."

He never planned on celebrating Dazai's death, that would be far too much for his heart to handle.

What did he feel in his last moments? The man who witnessed his death would know. A beatiful, bloody goodbye to his friend, his enemy and his suffering.

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sexandwistfulness · 1 year

Text

once upon a summer sun

Once upon a summer sun, you would take a few minutes every morning to orient towards the Pacific: in your car, an iced coffee in hand, your thoughts spoken aloud — to me, to yourself, to the ocean facing ahead.

It was the summer before the summer of your move, away from your ocean, away from me.

But that summer before was a summer streaking with sun, a summer swelling with song. It was the summer of my second album. I have not released music since: to me, the second album, your album, an immortalization of falling in love — falling for you on repeat — is perfect just the way it is. I am a journeyman artist who has mastered nothing except the instinct that some works will not be bettered by me. In every sinking sundown since I have sighed with satisfaction. I have done right by my urge to create something meaningful.

I remember you in a bead necklace and new bikinis arriving by the week. I remember the light blue; I remember the checkered; I remember the white with the thin lines. I remember you posing over sand. I remember you in the studio. I remember you in bed with me, hand over your chest, your moans welling new depths of low notes. I remember the socks you wore to bed. I remember the bedroom window facing the cul-de-sac. Once upon a summer sun I remembered wild, vivid sunsets you would photograph and send me. Once upon a summer sun I remembered the myriad methods you would tell me you loved me.

Once upon that beautiful summer there was music. There was music every day. There were motifs I wrote for the viola, because the viola was yours, violetly so, and there were variations on themes I composed and recomposed and played and replayed. In the solar powered lust that drove me to put down desires to notes, I was happy. Happy in a way you could never fully imagine, happy in a way you will never be able to take away from me, thankfully. I'm not going to be melodramatic and say I have never felt the exhilaration of creation with music since. I have. But I'm also not going to lie and tell you that it's not tinged with the dull ache of loss. And I'm not going to act as if I have an infiniteness of strength, untethered to pain: there is that one track on that album I have to skip, because you were drunk and you told me you loved me for the first time. I let the synths, the violas and the cellos play the first seven seconds and then skip. It's whatever. Your voice comes in after. In the background, a backing of woodwinds, the flutes and the reeds. At the seven second mark, I leave. You left. You have left.

But there are other things I need to remember, too — things my friends remind me every time I reveal the gap in my memory. I have to remember that loss is separate from betrayal. I have to remember that the everymorning gnaw of sorrow and missing that claims me when I wake up, like a choke and a gasp, is an irrational one. I cannot miss someone who has hurt me with the sort of callousness I myself — no angel, me — could inflict on another, let alone someone who said she loved me as she lied to me. I should not bear this pain martyr-like. I should not rationalize your actions. I should not gloss over the terrible selfish cruelty of you lying, you cheating, you ghosting, you blocking.

Spring seasons in and soon there will be another summer sun. The will be girls with iced coffees oriented towards the ocean. There will be streaks of sunlight streaming through northeast-facing windows. There will be new words, and new melodies. There will be a day this saturning summer when I will stop counting the days since you left me a wreck, and I will stop counting up towards some unknown. It becomes three months on Friday. A hundred days comes soon. Who counts after that? Who keeps track? To what end? I will allow it to fade. I will allow the daily little highs and the monthly huge joys, and the generosity in how others have cared for me in my pain, to paint layers over this loss that is not quite loss. Loss is a misplacing. To betray is to cause breaking.

And once upon a summer sun soon, the hairline cracks in the layers of paint will only be visible to those who step close to the canvas. Of you and your actions, there will only be pentimento, only made visible when that summer sun fills the frame.

#me #personal #my writing #diary #heartbreak

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gwaeddblaidd · 1 year

Text

Feed the Wolf Chapter 5: Hiraeth (Excerpt)

As the towers of Nevermore come into view from amongst the trees, I realise that there is one last question I need to ask Wednesday. “My being a Hyde… Are you going to tell Enid?”

She turns to me as she walks, offering a look that could be easily mistaken for being apologetic. “I already told her. I wasn’t sure how our talk was going to go, and besides, she has a right to know.”

“Right,” I say curtly, “of course.”

She takes a few more steps before realising that I’ve stopped. She turns to me, stares for a moment, then speaks. “I’ve got botanical sciences next period, so if you want to fetch your stuff we’ll need to hurry.”

“You go on ahead. I’ll come by another time.”

She looks confused, but doesn’t seem to think too much of my change of plans. She turns and walks away, and I watch her becoming smaller and smaller as she approaches the walls of the school. As soon as I’m satisfied that she’s out of earshot, I turn and walk to the nearest tree. I stand there for several long moments, staring at the cracked bark of the trunk. I wonder how long this tree has stood here, how many winters it’s endured and how many summers it’s enjoyed. Chances are it’s older than me. I’m not often one for personification, but I can’t help but feel bad for the tree on account of what I’m about to do. A part of me knows this serves no purpose, and that I’ll regret it later, but… Right now, I need to feel something else. Enid knows what I am, and worse still she didn’t hear it from me… So yes, I need to feel something.

My punch lands squarely on the tree trunk, the bark refusing to give an inch but my hand more than willing to crumple against it. I cry out in pain, and for a blissful moment I forget all about all other worries. But as quickly as it came on, the pain gives way as my mind catches up to the trick I’m trying to play on it. I throw another punch, this time with the other hand, a sickening crunch reverberant through the nearby trees as pieces of bark do break off and go flying this time. I pull my hand away and realise that I’m shaking, my arms quivering both with the aftershock of the impact and my emotional state. I turn my hands over to look at my knuckles; already the skin is turning red and small cuts are opening up, but it’s not enough. It’s not enough to stop my mind from wandering. And so, in tandem with a wordless battle cry, I throw another punch. Then another. And then another yet again. Before long my mind is losing track of my body’s actions, the pain of each motion the only thing capable of reaching my frenzied mind.

I suppose it’s true, what Nathaniel Faulkner once wrote. He tried to the end to determine whether Hydes were conscious of their actions or simply murderous beasts, but there was a certain sentiment present in his writings. The only thing he knew Hydes understood for sure, was pain. And yes, I understand it, but maybe not in the way that he expected. This pain doesn’t control me; it doesn’t keep me caged. No. This self-inflicted pain frees me. It frees me from the inner workings of my mind, granting me a much-needed reprieve.

My assault doesn’t stop until both my knuckles and throat are raw. My screaming and shouting becomes hoarse, then more or less silent, my voice having given out completely. The skin on my knuckles and fingers is shredded, in some places nearly to the bone, and I can feel that I’ve probably broken a few bones in my hands. My arms fall to my sides as silence enshrouds me, leaving me nothing but to stare at my creation. A rough circle of bark has been shorn from the trunk, revealing the much lighter, softer wood beneath. Its once beautiful grain is now stained red, the complex swirls and stripes now bearing the gruesome mark of my presence. I would apologise, but I doubt the tree would care much either way.

Distantly, I hear intermittent dripping. I look down at my hands, my arms barely able to hold their weight, and see thin, broken streams of blood flowing down my fingers and pooling at the tips. I sigh to myself before raising my hand to my mouth. The blood is so warm and so flavourful on my tongue, so present and so… so clearly the blood of a Hyde. I am a Hyde, and Enid knows.

So that’s all this amounted to, then? Mere minutes of silence from the nagging thoughts? Unable to hold my own weight any longer, I collapse against the tree, sliding down to the ground and landing pitifully with my knees drawn to my chest. My hands rest upon the ground and my head tilts back against the trunk as I wonder how it all came to this. I watch the sky through teary eyes, openly wallowing in self-pity. I’ll bounce back from this; I know I will. Against all odds, this isn’t the end of the world. Such rational thoughts often come to me after bouts like this, but they don’t make me feel any better. No, they just highlight how much of a wreck I’ve become. A few more minutes, and I’ll be fine. I’ll get up and go home and get ready for whatever classes I have today. Just a few more minutes…

But as the minutes pass, I don’t feel any better. I sit against the tree and wonder if I’ll ever feel better again. God, what have I become? I close my eyes. I’ll be okay. I have to be, right? Or… maybe I don’t? Maybe it’s okay to not be okay. Maybe feeling this way is natural. Maybe feeling this way is normal. A chuckle escapes me, the notion entirely ludicrous, and it gains a hold in my chest. The chuckle soon gives way to open laughter and I find myself disconcerted at the sound. What is there to laugh at? On cue, the laughter too gives way to a new sound, this time a pathetic sobbing accented by hitched breaths. I’m lulled almost into a sleep by that sound, my body growing more tired and reluctant to move with each shaky exhale. I know that I can’t sleep here, though. This would be a hell of a sight to come across…

As is often the case, judgement from others serves as far better motivation than I could ever inflict upon myself. I tell myself that I’ll be okay, one last time for good measure, then pick myself up from the ground and start to stumble towards the school once more. This moment of weakness will remain between the tree and I; a secret between friends. The only sign of my presence here today will be the bloody mural I left behind, soon to be forgotten entirely as a tiny fragment of the tapestry that is my memories. I will be okay.

---

Title: Feed the Wolf

Fandom: Wednesday

Rating: T

Chapters: 7 of 12

Links: AO3, FF.net

Summary: As the dust settles on the Hyde incident, Nevermore is slowly but surely returning to a calmer, safer state. But for those involved, the scars may take a while longer to fully heal. Gelert Davies, a half-werewolf student, has always kept himself out of trouble as best he could, but a chance encounter will test his resolve and force him to face parts of himself long abandoned.

Tags: Enid Sinclair, Wednesday Addams, Original Character(s), Enid Sinclair/Original Male Character(s), Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Wolf Instincts, Loss of Control, Injury Recovery, Self-Hatred, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Courting Rituals, Werewolf Courting, Werewolf Culture, Eventual Romance, Family Issues, POV First Person

Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful day! :)

#wednesday #wednesday addams #wednesday fandom #wednesday fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 #writing excerpt #fanfic promo

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comfortablyunsolved · 2 years

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3 december 2022. 1:30 am

there are ghosts of us all over this town. in the front of the library where i let you do the talking when security caught us with the chalk. in the cafe, where you came with me to talk to the girl i went on maybe-a-date with. where now we stare straight through each other if i have the misfortune of taking your order. the stairs that ice over in the winter where we spent hours just talking, the clearing in the woods where we'd joust with broken sticks off trees, the dorm rooms where we'd sit on the floor until sunrise with no idea what lay ahead. every room on this campus seems to have a happy memory with you in it, some of them bursting with so much joy it hurts when i have the misfortune of remembering them.

but there's the door you used to slam all the time. the grass outside when you locked me out without my shoes in the rain. the spot on my neck you'd slap all of the time and then act perplexed when i asked you not to hit me. the bed i cried and wrote note after note to everyone i loved in preparation to do the only thing i thought you'd accept as an apology.

i know how much you hurt me. and yet sometimes i find myself longing for you, the sparkle we used to have together, the best parts of myself that you seemed to bring out before you started bringing out the worst. i've been all too aware of the ways you hurt me, but only these days am i starting to understand some of the ways i hurt you too.

we were meant for that brief stint in each other's lives, if only to inflict pain, if only to be a lesson. but still sometimes in late fall i swear i see a ghost in the fog and i think of you.

#letter to an ex friend #this person and i genuinely hate each other and for good reason #but sometimes i miss him

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captnjacksparrow · 2 years

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Alright, I’m an SNS shipper through and through, but I have problems with the fanbase just like you.

For example, the other day, I saw a post that was describing SNS really….weirdly, I guess is the word if I want to be generous. They said it was toxic, extremely codependent, self destructive, fight often and get off on fighting, saying Sasuke was a sadist, both were toxically jealous, and that nothing was healthy about their relationship. And before you ask, yes, this was a pro SNS post despite how anti it sounds.

Okay, yeah, Sasuke was possessive, and they both were obsessed, but that was balanced out by their unrelenting care for each other. But this post seemed to flat out ignore that, saying they were “legendary” for having “nothing healthy” about their relationship. Even comparing them to Megan Fox and MGK. I have no idea who they are, but I can imagine they aren’t anything good. A lot of people were agreeing with the post, too, even a Tumblr account I follow. Maybe I’m just being sensitive, but that isn’t how I interpreted SNS at all.

But that’s just my take. What do you think?

Okay, I came across that post after I wrote a complete answer... And in that post, they mentioned that it’s their headcanon. So, It’s literally wrong of me to write a dedicated post to crush someone’s headcanon... (Hence Scratching part of my original answer)

As long as anyone realize what they are doing, that’s awesome. But the moment they claim that their Headcanon as the One True Canon and get catty with others for not agreeing with them... then that’s when I go full on offensive.

However, there’s only one thing... I want to say

Sasuke is not a Sadist.

[[The reason for people coming to this conclusion is mostly because of his rabid stans... Those Cringe people]]

According to Collins Dictionary...

Obtaining pleasure from hurting other people...

Hidan, Deidara, Madara, Obito, Zabuza, Orochimaru were all Sadists... [[Nagato wasn't]]. They took immense pleasure in hurting other people.

I agree that Under the Bridge Sasuke said, he got an High from killing Danzou... And then he also said he wanted to destroy Konoha... And yet... Sasuke was verifying his resolve to destroy the Village over and over again in many places...

By this time, he knew the Truth... What is the need to ask this question though??? Especially to that Danzo....

Again, One more verification.... “Are those news true??? Were my decisions are valids????”

One is Good... Two is Okayyyish... But three is a Overkill.....

He made up his mind to destroy the Village in order to get his Revenge... If that's the case Then why didn't he go ahead??? Why is he asking the same question to 3 different people again and again and again????

Which means, he wanted to know the Truth before going ahead with his Revenge... Didn't he? If this were Madara, he would've released Kyuubi and wouldn't even hesitate to destroy it... But Sasuke is not like that.

He still has doubts and want to clear those doubts... He couldn't even kill 1000 Soldiers when Orochimaru asked him to.

These are not the behaviour of a Sadist.

Also, under the context of SNS, When did Sasuke display Sadism?? Yes, he was smirking when he rammed that Chidori into Naruto...

But he ended up regretting it towards the end of the Battle, didn't he???

Which means, the pain he inflicted on Naruto didn't give him any pleasure...

Sasuke is an inherently good character but he was forcibly trying to become a Bad, Dark and a Sinister person... Sasuke's journey was all about finding that Goodness inside him.

But What I get from SNS is....

In a world where 2 little Orphan Boys who possess Greater powers were left Abandoned and Ignored...

One was positively Isolated... that is, he was kept in a Highest of the High Mountain filled with praises citing his Prestigious Belonging. “You are an Uchiha, You can do everything... You are a Genius and You are the Strongest”. And yet, Nobody was ready to climb that Mountain and reach him out like a Normal person.

Another one was negatively Isolated... that is, he was kept in the Lowest of the Lowly Pit filled with Scorn, Hatred and Anger. “You are a Jinchurikki, You could go out of control at any time and You could destroy us all too, Just ignore him”... As Expected, Nobody was ready to give a Hand, lift him up and reach him out like a Normal Person.

But there was this one fine day, when the World abandoned them...

A Boy who used to be in a Rock Bottom Pit came to notice this boy sitting further down near the Lake Pier.... (A Visual cue about, “I was already pushed to the bottom... What is the possibility of someone living further lower than me?”... Like there was no reason for this guy to look down and yet he was surprised to find one.)

A Boy who used to be in the Top of the Lonely Mountain was looking up to the Boy who was walking away... (An complete opposite Visual Cue from the Above one, “I was already kept on the top... What is the possibility of someone over there above me?” Like there was no reason for this guy to look up and yet he was surprised to find one.)

And they acknowledge each other... they get this faintest feeling that I am not Alone. And There is atleast one more person who is just like me has noticed my presence and appreciated for who I am. There are not an Uchiha or Jinchurikki barrier at this moment....

There are no words, exchange of material things or anything... It’s just this Mutual Observation and this Faintest Feeling of not being Alone had became the Solid Steel Foundation of their Bond.

How many of us can say that, Yes... Just this faintest feeling is enough to maintain a life-long bond with our partners and that We don’t require Physical presence, Dates and all that????

It’s this Faintest and yet Powerful Feeling was what Sasuke wanted to severe himself so badly but he really couldn’t. It’s this Faintest feeling was what Naruto wanted to cling himself so tightly.

And whenever this 2 boys had the chance to come to an Understanding and spend their time around each other.... Just for little longer.... Somehow or Something will come between them and split them apart. But their Desire to be next to each other was always burning inside them, no matter what...

How that boy from the Highest Mountain and that boy from the Lowest pit reached each other out, came to an Understanding, saved each other by expecting nothing but providing Unconditional Love

is What I get from SNS.

#sns #sasunaru #narusasu #nsn #naruto uzumaki #uzumaki naruto #uchiha sasuke #sasuke uchiha #sasuke is not a sadist for god's sake

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staygolddindjarin · 3 years

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Grief

Chapter One: History

Din Djarin x Reader x a bunch of other star wars characters

Series Summary: Raised on Mandalore, born into a bloodline of warriors, no one ever expected for the daughter of a Clan leader to go rogue. Leaving the life of security and making the journey to fight in the war against the empire meant many things... giving up the way of the Mandalore, and giving up a solid future. A future that involves an arranged marriage to a foundling from another clan.

Chapter Warnings: Oof this ones kinda angsty right off the bat- ⚠️ attempted suicide?? Kinda?? Age gap (reader is underage, but don't worry it's just for the sake of backstory and also there's no spicy, so...) mentions of death and afterlife, fluff if you like squint really hard

A/n: hello there... I'm sorry to inflict tumblr with this atrocity, but wattpad had to deal with it so tumblr can too. I wrote a different version of this on my wp with an OC name, but I know that not everyone cares for that so this won't include that. Also this series will be such a slow burn... prepare yourself ahead of time because it's going to be agonizing

Words: 6.3k+

SERIES MASTERLIST UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Part 1/?

"Pehea gar mar'eyir ni...."

How did you find me....

He came and sat beside me, the sound of metal scraping agaisnt the ground when he knelt first.

"Gar cuyir te shi solus tion'ad comes olar jii. Ni kar'taylir gar jate'shya gar mirdir Ni vaabir," He responded.

You are the only one who comes here now. I know you better than you think I do.

I heaved a deep breath before letting it out in an exhausted sigh. Speaking in my native tongue was something I always appreciated, but now sitting here it felt nearly uncomfortable, but there was a reason for that.

"I wanted to be alone," The words from my mouth were no longer in my language, and he shifted beside me, trying to convey his confusion without a word.

"Care to elaborate?" He suggested, his asking tone was harsh... but then so was everything else about him.

I didn't really feel like explaning my feelings at the moment. I didn't want to focus on the very thing he was asking about. Even though he wasn't absolutely sure of what he was asking.

"You wouldn't understand if I told you," I trailed off.

"Try me." His voice wasn't any softer, but the sincerity he rarely showed had seeped into his tone.

"I really don't think it's a good idea. You really won't understand, and for all I know you could make things worse off for me than they already are," I didn't like it when he let his guard down around me. I didn't like getting closer to him, even though I was supposed to.

"I can't force you. Whatever it is, I wouldn't get myself too worked up," He sounded hurt, but I couldn't bring myself to believe it was by my words. He was too strong to be wounded by such trivial things.

He moved in his seat, beginning to stand, and for some reason the thought of being alone like I had originally intended seemed like a horrible idea.

I reached out to grip his arm. I kept my gaze forward, knowing that even if I looked at him I could not see his eyes.

"Stay."

He didn't hesitate. He sat down again, and I no longer felt guilt for the hurt in his voice a moment prior.

We sat for a moment in silence, just looking over the cliffside, into the deep canyons that wove in between settlements and encampments of our tribes and clans.

"I don't want this life," I whispered. I had only half hoped he would be paying enough attention to hear me. My voice was soft enough that he might not have.

"What do you mean?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, regretting the choice to even say what I did. I felt a shiver go down my arms, and I felt the wind come into the old open cavern, making the air around me chill. My arms were exposed, for I didn't expect the cold tonight. I didn't expect to be here this long.

"I'll turn sixteen in four days. I will either take the creed, or deny everything I've ever been taught. I'd leave if I do that," I finally gave a glance in his direction. He looked back at me, or at least the beskar did. I could never tell where his eyes were.

"You want to leave?" That pained tone of his voice had returned. The one I felt guilty for without actually believing I had done anything to cause it.

I did. I wanted to get off this planet. Away from the responsibility of becoming what everyone expected of me.

"I have to. It's the only way I will ever be at peace, but I'm not sure if I truly have the strength to stand in front of my family and deny the creed."

I could run away. I had some friends who were planning to jump a transport and join the rebellion against the empire.

They had offered me to be apart of this, but I had refused, believing that I would follow in my ancestors footsteps and take the creed. My father had already provided the beskar for my helmet to be made. It was already in the armourer's possession. All that was left was for me to come of age.

"Where did you go, just now?" He noticed my lack of attentiveness to my current reality, and brought me back to where I was. On the drafty cliffside, with my legs hanging over the end.

"Nowhere. I was just thinking about the future," I had admitted. Though I felt the need to stay emotionally distant from him, and not let myself develop a closeness, I knew I could trust him with my life, which is why I even revealed these things to him in the first place.

"What do you think your future will look like?" The tone that brought me guilt had again left his voice, but was replaced by something else... was it fear? I could not even think of theorizing that he could ever be scared. He was one of the bravest in his clan. Never had he shown an ounce of fear to anyone or anything. How stupid of me to even wonder.

"Merc and his crew are gonna stow away on a crate transport tomorrow. He has contact with the rebellion. He said that I could go with them if I was up for it," I looked down, almost embarrassed at admitting a plan of escape to someone so loyal to this place. Even though he wasn't born on this planet, and even though he wasn't a blood member of any tribe, the foundling was more of a mandalorian than I could ever be.

"You've agreed?"

"No. Not yet," I shook my head. I didn't feel like my reasons were valid. Having him sit beside me, and ask me these things made me realize that I needed to explain myself further.

"Din, I want to be free. I don't want to spend the rest of my life under a code that is so restricting to me, binding my every decision. Everything I'd do would have to be following after the creed."

He didn't respond, and even though his features were shrouded under the reflective surface of his beskar, I could tell he was thinking of something.

"I'm not yet sixteen, but when I am... I don't want to be locked down under a piece of metal. I don't want to have to be bound to this planet or a clan. I want to go some place far away and be something that is different than what everyone expects of me. I want to fight battles against the empire, I want to make my own rules. I want to be free to marry who I love, and not be betrothed to whoever my father chooses for me," I finished off my speech about freedom, but realized the last sentence too late. I should have chosen a better set of words.

Din's head hung down, looking at the wrist guards he wore. He shook his head back and forth and before I could interject, he began speaking.

"So that's why...." he trailed off. I was honestly too scared to say anything now. Why must I speak so bluntly and hurtfully honest to people? Perhaps it is because I had never gotten close to him that now I had no fear in what I said to his face.

"If the reason you plan to leave your family is because of me, then-"

"No," I said harshly, catching him off guard. I was usually snippy with others, but I had never before shown a tendency to be angry or intense with my speech. "Believe me, this has nothing to do with you."

"You have always shown enthusiasm towards coming of age. It's only now, when we are arranged, that you show any difference," He brought on certainty in his voice that I nearly couldn't deny, but the truth was... it really wasn't about him. "I can converse with your father, the rest of the clan... I will find a way to break it off if it will make you stay."

"Din, I don't want you to do that. If you don't believe me when I tell you that you are not the cause of this, then so be it, but I will not have you ruining your good name in my favor, when it won't even stop me," The heat of the moment provided actual, physical warmth for me in the time I was running my mouth off, but now that I had finished, and begun to calm down, I felt the freezing air on my arms again, wrapping them around myself and drawing my legs closer to generate more body heat.

"Are you cold?" He changed the subject, needing something- anything else to say.

"Its not exactly warm up here," My voice was low and sarcastic, but at hearing my words, Din stood up and stepped behind me. Before I even had a chance to ask him what he was doing, I felt his thick woolen cape being draped around my shoulders.

I smiled softly, not even a real, full smile. More of just a small tug from the side of my lips. My real smile was saved for later.

"Thank you."

He nodded as he sat back down, letting his legs fall over the cliffside.

"So you're gonna leave with them, aren't you?" His head turned to face me, but I couldn't dare try and stare at the beskar while thinking of what I would do. This choice was the beginning of the rest of my life.

"I think so," I didn't think. Thinking was what I had been doing too much of. Now I was certain. This was my choice. I was going to start new, and become something different. I may have been born on mandalore, but I was definitely not a mandalorian.

I had a rush of confidence come through me until I remembered what this meant. It all hit me like a dropship coming out of hyperspace. What was I thinking?

"No," I whispered. Din didn't understand my sudden discouragement, but he would soon.

"Merc and his friends already denied the creed. He's a foundling. They all are," I started to tear up as I realized what would happen to my family. The loss of a child in a clan is bad enough, but my family hadn't done anything to dessrve this. They were caring. They had shown me love. They had given me the best life I could ask for on a planet with such a religion.

"Second thoughts?" He asked genuinely, scooting closer beside me as to maybe get more information from my body language, or even my breathing.

"I can't do this. My family would be ruined. If I ran away, they would be punished for it," I felt tears coming up in my eyes. My clan was good to me. The people were kind, and I found solace there. Even if I had always dreamt about something bigger, I couldn't bear to let ruin come upon my family name. It wasn't fair to let that happen, especially when the only thing in the way was my own selfishness. "I can't leave my family."

I let the tears stream down my face, not even bothering to wipe them away. The contrast of the cold wind on my hot, tear streaked face had helped to calm me down a little.

"If you plan on staying, you understand that I am apart of your future here, don't you?"

"Din, I already told you before... you are not the reason I want to leave," I tried my best to keep myself together, but with my wet cheeks and red, puffy eyes, I didn't see how that could be an option.

What if there was another way to freedom?

I sat, trying to think of some stories that the other clan members would talk about.

"Din?"

He hummed in response, keeping his gaze on me.

"Has anyone in your clan ever mentioned afterlife?" I maybe should have taken a different approach to this. He seemed to be rendered speechless by my topic of conversation, but I had to ask.

"You mean after death?" He asked me and I nodded.

"I've heard some stories."

I thought about how it had been described to me. A paradise, with never-ending happiness, and unlimted freedom. Freedom.

"After you die, you appear in the world as another life. You can do whatever you want and no one has consequences for any of it. It's like a world without chaos. Everything is perfect," I remember every word as it comes out of my mouth. The words that were spoken to me, more like taught to me when I was a bit younger by the elders who had retired from their days of battle.

"It sounds too easy." He said, ripping me out of my fantasy.

"That's the point. You don't have to worry about anything or anyone, because you can do as you please, and everything will still be the same. All you have to do is die...."

"Like being reborn into a different world."

"Exactly."

I hesitated to take my safety blaster from it's holster under my hip, and when I did, I looked at it before pointing it out in the distance and testing the trigger. It shot a blast of lazer energy out into the air, landing somewhere beneath us in the canyon.

I decided that this was not an act to pursue at the moment, for Din was sitting right beside me, and the sight of watching a young girl pull the trigger against her own head might be an unpleasant one. Even for him, though he has seen worse.

I put the blaster back in it's holster and stand up from the rocky ground. Din follows suit, looking down at me with quiet concern. I wouldn't have known it until now, but I wondered if he had come to care for me at all during these last few weeks we had been betrothed.

I'd known him the majority of my life anyways, so I knew he must have felt some sort of attachment to me, but in what form, I hadn't ever cared to ask.

He kept breathing heavily as he looked down at me for a few moments, and it almost sounded like he wanted to ask me something. The question was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to utter the words.

"Here's your cape back," I slid the material off my shoulders, trying to hand it back to him, but he pushed it back towards me.

"You should keep it for now. The sun is nearly down, it will only grow colder."

He reached his gloved hand up to my face, and I could swear I felt the warmth of his hand beneath the coarse leather.

I only nodded, and leaned forward, trying to lean my head into him, but he carefully stopped me, his hands on my shoulders. Instead he rested his helmet against my forhead, and the cold beskar wasn't such a bad feeling as it rested there.

"I won't let you down. I promise." He said, clueless of my plans for later tonight, after the tribes were asleep, and no one would be at the cliffside.

"I know you won't. You're a good man, Din Djarin." I paused, trying to gather better words. "A true Mandalorian if there ever was one."

The moment didn't last any longer because of how frigid the air was becoming. It was warmer back with the tribes, they always had a fire burning.

Without another word, we both left the old artillery cavern and hiked down the side of the canyon to get back to our own clan territory.

Once I was at the edge of mine, I turned around to utter a simple goodbye, and found that he was very close behind me. His hand came up and rested on my shoulder, lightly squeezing it.

Maybe this was the last time we would see each other. Tonight I would envoke my plan to freedom, to rebirth. Perhaps we would meet in another life. Perhaps I would have just enough memory of this life to try and find him in the next one. One where I will have freedom.

Tonight I had gotten closer to the metal clad Mandalorian than I ever had before. I didn't regret it. He listened to what I had to say, and there were few who ever did.

His hand fell from it's place on my shoulder, but I didn't let him walk away yet. I pulled him into an embrace, feeling him tense up for a moment before reciprocating. It took him a few seconds to let out the breath he was holding in, but when he did, he found himself relaxing into the comfort.

"Goodbye, Din," My voice wasn't sad, or overly sensitive in any way. I figured it actually sounded quite optimistic.

"You know I'll see you tomorrow." He said, reminding me of the clan meetings. Once a month the clans would gather and each tribe would go over the agenda for whatever was to happen soon. Battles were normally discussed, but tomorrow, me and a few of the others in the other clans would be talked about. Our ceremonial coming of age where we would take the creed.

"Yeah... right. Don't come looking for me, I don't plan on showing up," I said quietly, careful in anyone was to hear me.

He pulled me back at arms length and looked at me, but his black blast shield hid his features and I could not tell if he thought I was crazy or not.

"How come?" His voice was also quiet, as we noticed some of my clan passing by to get to the fire.

"Don't worry about it. You'll still see me tomorrow," I lied. Or did I? Everyone within the five neighboring tribes would probably see me tomorrow.

He nodded, pulling us all the way apart and stepping back.

"Good."

He didn't look like he was gonna walk away until I had gone into the hub of my clan's small village. I turned around and walked towards the large fire, seeing my mother. Her helmet was unmistakable. The pattern of the strill engraved into the side of the beskar. It was her signet. A worthy kill of her days in battle. I would never have one. I walked towards her when she noticed me.

Her modulated voice let out a small chuckle, before I stepped beside her.

"It is well to see you spending time with Din Djarin. Me and your father were afraid you may not have been fond of him," She kept her gaze on the fire, speaking only loud enough for me to hear her, given that the other mandalorians of our village were also gathering around the fire, conversing with each other the same way we were.

"I am fond of him, why would I not be?" I was unsure of what she meant. Sure, I had been keeping a distance between us since my father had arranged our marriage, but I never had shown that I wasn't fond of him. I was polite, and gave him attention when it was asked of me.

"Whenever I or your father bring up the discussion of your eighteenth birthday, you always seem to act like it's the plague," She was smirking under her helmet, and I could tell. I could always tell what face she made underneath her metal covering.

"Maybe it's the fact that I dread getting married at all. I'm not opposed to Din, though," I convinced her. I wouldn't have to try and do that again after tonight.

"Whatever it is, your father will be pleased to know you and him were in each other's company. Although I will stray from telling him you two were alone... you were alone, weren't you?" She turned her metal covered head, trying to figure out from the look on my face.

"Yes," I answered truthfully, knowing there was no point in lying. No damage could be done at this point, except for maybe towards Din.

"And what were you both doing?" She tilted her head, and I let mine drop. I would tell her the truth, because nothing bad could come from it. Or could it.

"We were just talking... about the future," I answered.

"Your marriage..." She suggested, and I nodded, knowing that it did come up in the conversation.

"Yes."

"I shudder to ask if consummating was apart of this conversation," She looked back at the fire, knowing how red my cheeks would turn and how embarrassed I would be.

"No, nothing like that. I can promise you," I shivered at the thought. Din was a good man, but I didn't necessarily need to be letting thoughts like that intrude my mind.

Everyone else around the fire seemed to be distracted by the glowing flames, and my mother was soon the same, so I suggested my absense.

"I'm going to go in for the night, get some rest. Big meeting tomorrow..." I said before reaching out and squeezing her hand tightly.

She nodded to me, and I took my leave, walking towards our living quarters on the opposite side of camp.

I wasn't looking where I was going, and brushed my shoulder against Merc, who was with Gander and Shyloh.

"Sorry, didn't see you coming," I told him, but he shook his head, optiing ti ask me a question instead.

"Don't worry about it, I was looking for you anyway... Did you think about the offer? We leave at sunrise on the north delivery tarmac," He informed me, but I didn't have an answer. I wasn't staying here, but I wasn't leaving either.

"You'll know if I show up," I gave him a smirk, partially just because I was glad to see someone's actual face tonight, and not just a metal facade.

"We can't wait up for you, just know that."

I nodded, letting them get by. Maybe I could go with them. Live this life freely without starting another one.

No.

My family will not be able to handle that. It's better off if I'm dead. At least they won't go on to believe that I betrayed them, turning my back on all loyalty they had ever taught me. They would nevwr wonder if I ever loved them or planned on keeping their wishes.

I could start fresh. They wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. And I wouldn't have to worry anymore either. Rebirth.

I went straight to bed, clutching the woolen blanket beside me close to my chest.

For some reason I felt a pang of guilt in my chest. Something that made the sting of salty tears swell in my eyes. I knew that what I was doing was best, but yet I started having a hard time justifying something so drastic. They would get on fine without me, wouldn't they? They would go on living by the creed. This is the way. They will find a way to go on without me, like they did before I was born. Din will be arranged with another girl as soon as I'm gone. Everything will be alright.

The wetness that spilled over my eyes and down my face lasted hours, even though my mind kept telling itself that it was at peace.

It was in the dead of night, when I gathered a few of my belongings into a knapsack, throwing it over my shoulder before leaving out the tattered window of my private space.

I ventured to the canyon, with the moons lighting my way. The planet was never truly dark, due to the brightness and the number of shinning moons, all the color silver.

I set my knapsack down on the edge beside me. By the end of this, I would be at the bottom, waiting to be found the next day. I just hoped it wouldn't be anyone I knew. Of course, the number of people who ever came out here was only two. Me, and Din Djarin.

I hoped he wouldn't find me. I hoped it would be someone from another tribe that was flying over, and happened to spot something at the base of the cliffside.

I pulled my flask to my mouth, taking a large drink. A bit spilled onto my chin, and I wiped it off, feeling the breeze on my face. It was much colder now than earlier tonight. I wasn't sure if I should pull the blanket from my belongings and wrap it around myself, or skip the process of making myself comfortable and just get this over with.

I leaned over, looking straight at the ground, hundreds of feet below me. My heart started racing, and I got scared. Why shouldn't I be? I have every right to be absolutely terrified. I closed my eyes, trying to scoot myself over the edge inch by inch, seeing if I would just drop.

I nearly panicked when my bottom hit a crack in the ground and I thought I was going over. My breath hitched in my throat and I instantly pulled myself back.

"This isn't as easy as I thought it would be," I murmered, beginning to feel the emotional side of everything rise to the surface again. It didn't help that with the absolute silence that circled around me, I couldn't have any single thing to distract me.

I stood to my feet, wrapping my arms around myself to ease the goosebumps rising on my skin from the frigid air.

I stood right on the edge, lifting a foot over and leaning forward, but before I could fall, I again caught myself, the adrenaline working overtime in my system and beginning to heat me up.

That wasn't going to work either. If I could, I would put a blaster to my temple and pull the trigger, but then it wouldn't look like an accident.

I paced around back and forth a few times, trying to calm myself down, to stop the whimpering and to make my tears cease. It wasn't working. I just needed to get this over and done with. A new life, with endless possibilities was waiting for me on the other side. Freedom was on the other side.

I wiped my face, even though it didn't stop me from crying, but it helped me to see clearer. I backed up, into the cavern, all the way inside until my back hit the wall of the ex artillery carvern. This was it. A new beginning. Rebirth. New life. Freedom.

I ran as fast as I could toward the edge, my eyes closed. I could feel the wind blowing against me even harder with my speed, and I could tell the edge was drawing near. Every step I took, I felt as though it was my last one.

I finally felt my foot hit the edge, but then I never fell. Instead, I was tackled to the ground. Whoever landed on top of me was heavy enough to hold me down, because half of me was hanging off the edge of the cliff.

I didn't dare even open my eyes. This was a sign. Someone stopped me.

I clinged onto whoever it was, and knew almost instantly who was laid over me when I heard him groan.

I cried even harder, my head buried in his armor clad chest, and my arms around his neck and his torso.

He was holding me tightly, one hand cradled my head into his neck, and the other firmly gripped my waist. He rolled us both over and I swear I felt him shaking.

"What were you thinking?" He stressed, his grip on me tightening as if he was scared to let go. I was scared too. I didn't want him to let go.

"You have to talk to me..."

I heaved a deep breath, deep enough to steady my voice so my whimpering didn't interfere with my words.

"I want out. I need to get out," I cracked in the middle of saying so few words, but they conveyed the message I was trying to get through.

"I can get you out, I promise.... But please don't ever try that again," His voice was full of worry, and as I suspected, he was trembling in fear.

"I'm sorry..." I cried some more, realizing that what I had done was now the biggest mistake I ever made, even if I was saved.

"It's okay. You're okay. I've got you," He spoke to me, my voice quieting down as my sobbing came to a slow halt.

I lifted my face from where I had burrowed it into his neck, looking up at him. I didn't know what his expression was, but something told me it was fearful, and worrysome.

"I have to get out of here," I repeated again. The last day or so it became my mantra, and would leave my lips often, even just to myself. Mostly just to myself.

"You're going to. You're going with Merc... when are they leaving?" He asked, his arms still around me like mine were for him.

"At sunrise. They're gonna jump a delivery ship on the north tarmac," I explained, my voice was now hoarse and thick, due to not only all the crying I had done, but also the cold night air that had entered my lungs.

"Sunrise isn't for a few hours..." he let me know, and I nodded, knowing we shouldn't probably leave yet, for the walk to the north tarmac wasn't very long from here.

"Din, if I leave, my family is going to get the fire for my decision. I can't let that happen," I told him, my voice had become more firm, and I needed to convey the importance of how much this meant to me.

"I give you my word, that as long as I live, nothing will happen to your family," He swore, and I could just feel his eyes staring into mine. So much so that for the first time since he put that helmet on, I knew where his eyes were.

"I trust you. And I know that you'll always keep your word," I nodded, a small smile finally forming on my face.

Since it got fairly quiet, and we were still entangled together, I scooted off of Din and opted instead to take the seat beside him.

"I should tell you some things before I go. I just don't want to leave anything unresolved," I admitted, and he stayed silent, waiting for me to continue.

"I know this might sound horrible, but I hated the idea of getting too close to you. It was like if I had formed an emotional bond with you, I wouldn't be able to leave anymore. And the last thing on my mind had been to stay. I've wanted freedom for a while now, I was just always too scared to say anything. And when my father told me that you and him had come to an agreement for arranging a marriage.... it's like it all became more real to me. My freedom would be taken in just days. The creed of mandalore is sacred, and it's truly an amazing thing... but it isn't for everyone."

He sat and took everything in. All the words that just spewed from my mouth like I had been holding them in for ages went against everything I had ever learned. Everything that had ever been put into my mind was the opposite of what I wanted.

"You're young. You want more than what the creed can offer you. I think you'll be able to find what you want wherever you're going," He said, I knew there was more, for he didn't even mention anything that I had said about not wanting to be close to him, but when he stayed silent, I knew he was finished, and that I still had more to say.

"Din, I wanted to tell you that if I had to be married, I wouldn't have minded it being you," I admitted. I would leave no stone unturned before I was to just pick up and leave forever... maybe not forever, maybe someday I would return to my family, to Din.

"I can't say I don't feel the same," He seemed to become stiff next to me, but I soon found the reason when he suddenly reached for my hand with his gloved one.

I took it proudly, intertwining our finhers together.

"You know, I was only an eight year old kid when you took the creed. I have so many memories of you yourself, but whenever I recall them... I can't see your face. I've completely forgotten what you look like," I laughed a bit, though it was quite a sad thing actually. I could not remember him in a way that wasn't covered in metal. I remembered that he was a boy once, and that he would play with all the younger children in the clan set next to his. He played with me and the kids I lived next to. He was a lively, energetic boy. Always doing something... sometimes causing mischievous acts. He was so different now. But the change wasn't bad. Since he'd taken the creed he has been the most noble, fearsome, and trustworthy member of his clan. Completely honorable in every sense of the word.

"I don't look like I used to. It wouldn't do you any good to remember anyways," He chuckled under his helmet, and it brought a smile to hear the melodic sound.

"Well, if I'd stayed long enough to marry you I would find out for myself," I leaned my head on his shoulder, feeling comfort by his presence. If I had made the absolute decision to leave this planet earlier, I could have let myself grow a relationship with him. Romantic or not, he was easy to talk to, and I trusted him. He was a friend to me, and I never imagined more, but now his presence was just something that put me at such ease.

"Do you think you'll ever come back?" He pondered, seeing as just the tiniest moonrays shown down into the canyon ahead.

"Someday. I'll comeback and repay you."

"For what?"

"Saving my life," I replied. My attempt to throw my own life away had been pushed away but I had to bring it up. I owed him my life.

"Anyone would have done the same if they had seen," He insisted, and I shook my head.

"How did you even know I was out here?" My curiosity got the better of me, and I asked for an explanation.

"I couldn't sleep, I took a walk through Ronion until I found myself here. I saw you across from the mesa on the south side... I saw you lift your foot over the edge, I knew what you were trying to do," He said, his grip on my hand got tighter almost instantly.

"Thank you. If you hadn't been there, I would be at the bottm of this canyon." I let so much seriousness onto my voice, and it didn't sound like me.

"Don't thank me yet... not until I get you on the tarmac,"

We sat in silence after that, just looking out over the horizon. When the slightest bit of light hit the edge of the planet, we stood to our feet, gathering my knapsack and begining the journey to the north delivery tarmac.

We were there in no time, and before I could even look for them, Merc and his crew were in sight. They were all sitting with their backs against some cargo imports, waiting for the transport to arrive.

"Well, well, well... look at what the shriek hawk dragged in," Shyloh said, gesturing to me and Din.

"Djarin, I didn't expect to see you here," Merc raised an eyebrow at the sight.

"I'm just here to make sure she gets onto the transport safely," He assured them. I looked out of the corner of my eye, and in the brighter horizon I was able to see a cargo ship coming into the landing area.

"Our rides here," I said, and they all jumped up. Since the ships were automatically run, and don't even require droids, it was often very easy to hop aboard and be carried to another destination. Of course, there were only a few who ever wanted to leave.

I myself hadn't ever left Mandalore, neither had I traveled much even on the planet. Only a few trips to visit the the markets with my father. I never even went into the city, for it was told that in the city lived Mandalorians who did not keep the creed. The tribes were convinced that they hadn't actually ever taken the oath, and just wore the armor for the sake of doing it.

The ship's doors opened, pulling me out of my thoughts, and a conveyer belt folded down to let the cargo units be carried out onto the tarmac for later pickup.

"Alright, it's time to head out," Gander said, slinging his knapsack over his shoulder and boarding the transport.

The rest followed after him, but I still had one thing left to do.

Din looked at me, waiting for me to join the others, but I came close to him one last time.

"You promise my family will be taken care of?" I asked, to which he simply answered with a firm nod. However the look on my face gave him reason to believe that his answer wasn't good enough, so he spoke instead.

"I give you my word. If they are not taken care of, I will let you strike me dead where I stand."

That was good enough for me. He truly meant it. He was a man of his word.

I pulled his head toward mine, resting ny forehead against his in a traditional mandalorian kiss. I pulled back when I heard my name being called from the transport.

"Goodbye, Din Djarin," I told him.

He didn't respond, he just let me go, watching intently as I boarded the ship before the doors closed.

The cargo transports were always on schedule, so as soon as the doors closed, it began lifting into the air. I looked out through the transparent view finder on the side, watching him stand as we began moving out of sight.

"You gonna miss him?" Shyloh asked, his brows furrowing as if he were sorry for me.

"Yes, I suppose I will."

I lost sight of Din, and realized we were leaving the atmosphere most likely preparing for a jump to hyperspace.

"But I'll see him again."

Tags are open ig...

A/n: please don't get too caught up in the age gap y'all it's just for backstory purposes because this story is eventually going to follow canon events.... (also i know that this doesn't really portray Mandalore correctly, but let's pretend it does because i had this idea)

#din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin smut #din djarin x oc #din djarin x jedi!reader #cassian andor #luke skywalker #the mandolorian x reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian smut #rough day #din djarin series #din djarin imagine #din djarin fluff #din djarin angst

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milkteaflorist · 3 years

Note

can i please request some yang nsfw hcs?

Author's note: you're in for a wild ride my dear, put your seatbelt oooon (￣y▽￣)╭ Ohohoho.....

Yang general NSFW hcs

Characters: Yang, gn!reader

Genre: smut🌹

Total words count: 997 (yes I was inspired lmao)

Warnings: mentions of blood, physical pain, Yang is a warning himself, nsfw ahead! + potential grammar mistakes since I wrote this before going to sleep

Yang

It's no surprise, but Yang is DEFINITELY a top, and not only a top, but also a dom. He's fine being just the top if you aren't into kinky stuff though. With this being said, he won't EVER let you top him, even less dominate him. Try it and you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. This man is really into punishments, and he certainly isn't afraid to let the whole Laoshu hear your screams and moans~

His thrusts are always fast and rough. Sometimes he just wants to hear you beg for more, while he keeps pounding into you and biting your neck 'till it bleeds; your moans really get him going. That doesn't mean he is inconsiderate, if you feel pain he's going to go much slower than usual. He might act mean and all, but he won't cross your boundaries and he secretly pays a lot of attention to them.

Oh boy, the list of his kinks is too long- let's start with the main ones! Dacryphilia, your tears are a sign that you're enjoying his attentions very much, plus the face you make when you cry is both cute and pathetic, which arouses him on a different level. Power play, I don't think there's a need to explain: Yang loves seeing you wrapped around his fingers, following his orders and being good for him. This also includes pet play and light sadism. 100% would buy you a collar if you're okay with that, making you sit at his feet while he plays with the short leash. He also likes inflicting pain, I'm talking about choking and knife play. Also, the type to slap your private parts, I'm not sorry and of course extreme marking! Bites and bruises are his favourites. But nothing, and I mean nothing, gets him going like humiliating and degrading you, your embarrassed face is so arousing he can't help it. Those two also include a spit kink. And as I wrote before, your moans and expressions really turn him on. Unforgettable is also his creampie kink, but he's worried you may end up pregnant if you have a uterus so he has mixed feelings about it

Be ready to not walk for several days after your intercourse. Yang's stamina is really... admirable. He prefers doing one or two looooong rounds, but you mostly do just one round, two if you're feeling needier, but most of the time one round is enough to satisfy both of you though.

Will make you cum at least twice. No matter what.

Not really patient during foreplay, he just wants to feel you around him as soon as possible. But he tries his best ok

Wasn't used to preliminaries, but he is a fast learner and he knows you need to adjust to his pace. So now that he's with you, he's willing to wait how much time you desire before switching to the main act

If you want a safe word, you're free to have one of course

Also loves when you give him oral ;)

What turns him on? It's kinda complicated. You turn him on. It depends on his mood whether he may find something arousing or not. For example, you reading a book might turn him on because of the way you look, the way your eyes sparkle with interest; you teasing him, both in public and in private, even if the thrill of being in public makes him hornier; but also just you breathing lmao- for real it totally depends on his mood and how he's feeling that day. Some days he might reject your teasing, other days he might keep you busy in his room for the whole day. There isn't a thing that will ALWAYS turn him on in every case, so just be yourself!

But if you want to get him in the mood, try wearing some revealing clothes *wink wink*

What turns him off? Same as what turns him on. It depends on his mood. But unlike his turns-on, the one thing that really pisses him off is you not reading the room. Insisting and being pushy when he already told you no, and flirting with other people. Those things really irritate him, so please respect his boundaries too! If you don't, you're going to get the opposite of what you wanted; and we all know how Yang acts when he's angry

His libido also depends on his mood!

Vanilla doesn't exist in his vocabulary

Now. Ass, boobs or thighs? The only correct answer is legs. He finds them sexy and attractive, no matter the clothes or if they're chubby or skinny, he finds them very appealing. This is why one of his favourite position is your legs on his shoulders while he pounds into you faster and faster. That doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate other parts of your body, but your legs to him are just *chef kiss*

His favourite positions are: spooning, the chairman, from behind, 69, you laying on your stomach (yes he loves touching your back)

His favourite place to do the nasty is his room (bed and desk). He is too possessive to even risk letting someone see your pretty face. Also, his bathroom (in the bathtub) when he feels tired. He isn't into public sex at all, so the bedroom and the bathroom are the only options. At least until you, two will buy a home for yourself

Your sex life with Yang is indeed a wild ride, you two never get bored and thanks to his mood things always get spicer ;) but remember that even if he's quite kinky and rough, he will respect your boundaries and limits. Your relationship is almost entirely built on trust, so please talk to him when you feel uncomfortable! Yang isn't good at communicating and expressing his feelings, so you being direct may really help :)

#yang piofiore no banshou #yang piofiore #yang x reader #yang piofiore x reader #piofiore no banshou #piofiore no banshou x reader #yang piofiore no banshou x reader #piofiore no banshou yang x reader #piofiore no banshou yang

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the-scandalorian · 2 years

Note

Hello love ❤️

Can you tell me anything about the first time Mutual Din entertained a customer?

hiii ❤️ oooo this is such a good question, thank you! i honestly hadn't thought about it much until now, so i went ahead and thought about it so hard i accidentally wrote a drabble

mutual!din x female reader (his first client)

*** Din is anxious when you arrive, but stress is something he knows how to handle.

He breathes through the tightness in his chest, holding his hands still at his sides even though his fingers are itching to fidget. He reorients his attention away from himself and on to you and keeps his voice steady. This isn't about him. He's here to take care of you, and that knowledge helps him escape the current of thoughts running through his mind.

The composure that settles over him is as familiar as his beskar. He focuses on the moment, on what's right in front of him, on what he can do. He slips into the sweet simplicity of tunnel vision, of action—that space where he lived as a bounty hunter, where he thrived.

The difference, of course, is that he's here to inflict pleasure, not pain. But the physicality, the intensity, the need to read his target, they're similar. And you're easy to read: verbal and responsive and eager to tell him what you like when he asks. He takes instruction well. He's got careful hands and a subtle touch when you want it…and a rough one when you beg for it so pretty.

It should be no surprise that it's much more enjoyable for Din to get lost in unlacing a corset than in tracking a quarry. To be more captivated by the pliant curves of your breasts than he ever was by a barren landscape.

To coax out and drown himself in cries of pleasure instead of pain.

Maybe this is going to work.

#asks #mutual

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lonelyyinchicago · 2 years

Text

“i-i just panicked”

“books out, third years! page 184.”

remus reached under his desk, fumbling with the zip of his bag. he slowly pulled out a thin book with a green cover before shoving it back in and taking out the other one. this one was much chunkier; the hard front cover littered with various trails of paw prints. he placed it on the desk and sirius immediately opened it, flicking through the pages idly.

eventually he came to a stop, running his flat palm along the binding of the book to keep it open. remus had been following the fluid hand movements of the professor, watching as they wrote out the title.

the professor turned around to face the class, her face unfamiliar to the students.

“i am professor eliza arrowman, and i will be covering this lesson for your teacher who is currently unwell.”

as she stepped forward, her body no longer blocked remus’ view of the board and revealed the underlined title: ‘werewolves’.

under the desk, remus felt sirius’ thigh tense but he kept staring ahead at the board, trying to ignore the tears that were beginning to build in the caramel-speckled eyes.

as he blinked, a single tear was squeezed out and began to roll down his cheek. he brushed it away aggressively, sniffing loudly as he dipped his head to write the title on his own piece of parchment.

he looked up in surprise as he felt the weight of sirius’ head fall against his shoulder.

“you okay?” sirius whispered, desperately trying to make eye contact.

remus ignored him and instead began doodling the phases of the moon on the inside of his margin. sirius slipped his hand below the desk, placing it gently on remus’ thigh that had started bouncing uncontrollably.

remus turned his head, looking down at the dark-haired boy next to him. sirius was looking straight in front, paying attention to the new professor. his hand’s movements kept up their steady rhythm as he picked up his quill to start copying the notes from the board.

remus planted a small kiss on the top of sirius’ head before twirling his own quill between his fingers and starting to write. remus’ grip tightened as he made his way down the list, the final full stop being pressed into the parchment so hard it broke through.

“so” professor arrowman began, “there is no cure for lycanthropy, only potions and the like to minimise pain and suffering of the inflicted. please refer to page 186 and make notes about the creation, use and effect of wolfsbane.”

lying his quill down next to his half-finished sentence, remus looked around the room nervously. the tears he’d been trying to hold back were beginning to fall at a quicker pace and he sniffed, unintentionally drawing sirius’ attention.

“i can’t do this anymore” remus whispered, “i-i want to leave.”

by the time sirius looked up the classroom door at the back had slammed closed. remus ran the length of the second floor corridor, bursting into the toilets.

he collapsed against the far wall, the tiles cold against his skin through the thin material of his shirt. the tears became more relentless and remus felt his chest tighten as he attempted to breathe.

remus forced his eyes open, images of moons and scars filling his vision whenever he closed them. he heard the door begin to open and quickly scrambled to his feet, locking a cubicle door behind him.

he perched on the lid of the toilet, his knees tucked up under his chin and a scarred hand cramped tightly over his mouth to prevent any cries from being heard. he watched the visible feet move closer to his door before stopping directly in front of it. the scuffed toes of the black leather told remus that it was sirius who had followed him into the bathroom.

sirius knocked tentatively and remus heard him breathe out as the door swung open. sirius paused, looking down at his boyfriend whose tear stained cheeks and running nose made him look, in sirius’ opinion at least, really quite adorable.

sirius stepped into the cubicle, locking it behind him. remus watched him carefully, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.

“can i sit here?” sirius asked quietly.

remus nodded, reaching for the toilet roll on the wall to his right. sirius took it from him and gently dabbed at the tears that were still escaping remus’ eyelashes.

“you feeling any better?” sirius asked once the tears had stopped completely.

“i-i just panicked, sirius. i didn’t mean to bu-”

“hey” sirius said, reaching out to gently cup remus’ cheek, “it’s fine. it’s okay, i promise.”

“people will know” remus whispered, tears threatening to spill again. “they’ll work it out. oh my god oh my fucking- sirius, they’re going to know. everyone is going to know i’m a fucki-

“hey” sirius began before being drowned out by remus’ incessant words. “REMUS!”

remus stopped when sirius raised his voice. he looked up at the older boy whose grey eyes were considerably softer than they usually were.

“it’s going to be okay. even if people do work it out, it’s still going to be okay. you have as much right to be here as anyone else.”

“bu-”

“no buts” sirius said determinedly. “now do you want to go get lunch? or stay in this cramped toilet cubicle?”

remus reached out silently, tugging at the front of sirius’ jumper. remus straightened his legs and pulled sirius onto his lap, immediately burying his head in the comforting smell. sirius’ slender fingers began running freely through his curls and as remus closed his eyes, he didn’t see the overbearing shape of the moon.

“i want to stay.”

#harry potter #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #hogwarts #marauders era

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apixrl · 3 years

Text

DRIVER'S LICENSE.

katsuki bakugou x fem! reader

WARNING(S): angst. cheating. swearing because it's bakugou.

word count: 4.5k

song: drivers license // olivia rodrigo (i wonder why...)

note(s): so i captioned this *at the time of writing* 'hello and welcome to i've had the worst two weeks ever so i wrote a katsuki oneshot to cope' and it's probably one of my most personal pieces of writing tbh

"-come Tuesday and we'll potentially see an end to this heavy downpour of rain. Temperatures will be on the rise to around-"

The talk on the radio cut short at the jab of your finger, heaving a great sigh which faded into the muffled pitter-patter of rain from outside. The streets had been showered with heavy downpours for the last week or so, no sign of sun or a still and restful day. Notwithstanding the miserable outdoors, the windscreen wipers on your car never ceased in their duty to grant you a clear view of the road ahead. And whilst you were grateful for their devotion, it didn't feel clear in the slightest. In fact, the road had never felt so blurry.

Shivering against the cold night chill and tucking your knees cosily to your chest, you eyed the raindrops on the windows. They raced against one another before they dripped down to your car's body, their glossy presence obvious thanks to the many hues of street lamps that surrounded them. You could have watched them for hours, being honest. Something about the droplets of water battling it out quite enticing. Anything to take you away from the cruel reality you were living in.

Your heart ached and yearned. But to no avail, the one you ached and yearned for didn't love you back.

Not anymore, at least.

Just the mere thought provoked a pulsating pang to resonate throughout your entire body. A pang filled with grief and sadness. Anger and hurt. You missed his sun-kissed face on the sunny mornings. You missed his eyes and how they gazed at you from across the room. You missed the smiles and laughter he would only show for you and you alone. The sense of glee and euphoria that came with that honour. Yet all of it was gone and there was no way you could get it back.

The memories of what had been triggered more waterworks. Hot, salty tears dug at the corners of your eyes and trickled down your face. Your motionless car concealed your cries and sobs. Every thrash against the wheel as you questioned to nobody in particular what went wrong and why. How you didn't see the signs sooner. What you could have done better. When he stopped loving you. If he ever planned to stop loving you. Whether it would have hurt more if you found out sooner.

All these questions with nothing to answer them.

Katsuki Bakugou had always fascinated you. From the very moment you met. You accompanied your friend on a double date, and he was the guy who she matched for you. Whilst he originally acted as though a blind date was the last place he wanted to be, underneath the aggression you could tell there was something much more genuine and true.

And your assumptions were correct. Truth be told, Katsuki Bakugou was one of the most genuine and truest people you had met (at the time). Once it was just the two of you, he allowed his true colours to unveil. Through the smallest of kind gestures that still haunted your mind to this day. Then upon confrontation, as you bid each other goodbye at your back door, his denial resulted in a flirtatious contest which then proceeded to an intimate night that changed your life forever. From there your mind was set.

He was the one.

Emphasis on was.

So blinded with a fairy tale love you grew so accustomed to, you never saw it coming. Never in your two-year relationship - that had so much strength and commitment built on top of it, never did you think that Katsuki Bakugou would throw it all out of the window like it was nothing. Disregard your loyalty and adoration for a drunken one night stand that slowly became an occasional hookup. Which soon became a mandatory pastime once a fortnight. Then twice. Maybe more than that. You wouldn't put it past him with what you knew now.

He kept it from you for nearly six months. Six months. The only reason you discovered his lies and deception was because you were let off early one night from work. You worked a night shift, see. Your last job had fallen to shambles, and it was temporary whilst you searched for a new one. And whilst that did take a toll on your relationship with Katsuki Bakugou, mostly finding time for intimacy since his working hours were during the day, none of that gave him any right to go and do what he did.

That wasn't one of the only reasons, you knew that for sure. There were other motives for his lack of loyalty. But you were never told. After you froze at the sight of another woman under his hold and stormed straight back to your car to flee. After he chased you down the flights of stairs in nothing but baggy pants into the streets of a twilight Musutafu. After you screamed into the darkness and belted your fists against his chest. Fists that were driven with rage and hurt and every emotion that burned like the hottest of fires and froze like the coldest of ice. He never even told you. He never made an effort to address it. Nor had he attempted to call or even try to visit your Mom's house - where you stayed as you searched for a permanent place to live. Just because you retreated for your car and cried that it was over, he never tried. But that didn't mean you weren't allowed an explanation. An apology. Something to give you a form of closure and a reason to move on. But you never did.

That wasn't even what hurt the most, either.

As silly as it was, the thing that hurt you the most was the very car you sat in.

EIGHT MONTHS AGO . . .

The red glow of traffic lights hit Katsuki's vermilion irises as he stared dead ahead at the long line of vehicles, the ash-blond heaving a sigh into the air. His finger tapped impatiently against the steering wheel he gripped with one hand, the spare rested casually against your upper thigh affectionately.

"I can't believe we have to sit through this torture just to go to some damn party," Katsuki grumbled, taking a glance over at you. His brows furrowed when he met you peacefully slouched down, nose dug into your phone as you presumably played some sort of game to pass the time. Like you had no care in the world for your predicament.

"It's your best friend's birthday, love," You mused back, Katsuki surprised you even listened based on your focused expression directed towards your phone. "It's not like we can just miss it,"

"Yeah, but we could have missed all this pain by taking the train instead of driving across town during rush hour,"

"Trains are icky, the seats would have ruined your suit and my dress," You pointed out, looking at the blond over your screen, sending him a sweet smile. He cocked a brow, a smirk creeping its way onto his lips as a scoff of a laugh broke out between them.

"Right, and laying down like a sloth is gonna help keep your dress uncreased?" He returned, amused at your realisation. At his comment, you sat up faintly and pouted your lip.

"Driving means more time to play Gravity Pops, and so does traffic,"

"Seriously? That's the game you're playing? You're such a dumbass,"

"Yes! I'm in the top 11% globally! I need to get to number one!" Was your protest, your arms flailing ahead of you briefly for dramatic emphasis. Katsuki clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, though the small smile plastered over his lips betrayed his initial reaction. Unable to deny your determination, he spoke with confidence and almost a sense of pride.

"Number one, hm? Clearly rubbing off on you aren't I?"

"In a way, yes,"

"That's my girl," Katsuki remarked, earning a giggle from you that was uplifting to hear. It was there your attention went back to your phone, but Katsuki wasn't done. "So, speaking of cars, Y/N," Hearing his chosen tone - which sounded suggestive, you eyed him closely. Hesitant to reply as you had a sense of what he planned to say.

"...Yes?"

"Have you thought any more about getting your driver's license yet?"

Called it.

"...No,"

"What?" Katsuki began, tilting his head. He was surprised that he felt surprised. You had said those words in regards to this topic countless times. Still, he persisted. "Is that a no meaning you haven't or no meaning that you don't want to?"

"Both?" You half-guessed, sheepishly grinning at the look you were sent. "Look, cars scare me okay? And so do roads. And people. My nerves wouldn't be able to handle it! I can barely communicate with people face to face, so me being on the road is a recipe for disaster!"

"I know but -," Katsuki exhaled sharply, understanding your reasoning. You had voiced these concerns when confiding to Katsuki about your fears of the road. Something built and corrupted from social media as well as phobias and fears in general, it was a battle you had yet to overcome. You wanted to drive but was terrified of messing up or causing chaos on the road. Potentially inflicting harm to someone and yourself. You still weren't sure what triggered it all, but over the years it had manifested into something quite irrational, to say the least. Katsuki had been supportive of it and whilst he truly would love to always act as your personal taxi - you couldn't hide from it forever. It wasn't his job to keep you in your comfort zone. That, and he couldn't always be there for you that way. What if he was miles away and you had somewhere urgent to go like the hospital? "It's not as scary as you think. I know it's hard to believe that but seriously. The freedom you get from driving is amazing,"

"I'll think about it a little longer, okay?" You said with hesitancy, looking at Katsuki for a sign of confirmation. He nodded in defeat, knowing you probably needed more time and felt put on the spot. So he averted his eyes back to the road to check if the traffic had moved at all. It had not.

"Okay," Katsuki said. "But I can't be your taxi service forever,"

"But I like you being my taxi service," You jokingly said, a little sadness in your tone. "Your road rage is funny and I like watching you get out of the car and walk to my door after pulling up in my driveway,"

"What do you mean?" Katsuki asked, catching the twitch of a smile on your face upon saying those words. It struck his interest in what you could mean.

"You know, like when you say you're coming to pick me up?" You explained. "You pull up at my driveway and I don't know... simple things like that just remind me of how much I love you. It's dumb really, but it's important to me,"

"Really?" Katsuki questioned in disbelief. How something so small and meaningless could mean so much was puzzling. He couldn't understand why it was so special to you. But that didn't invalidate it in any shape or form. So he pushed that aside, replacing his wonder with gratitude. He returned to your bashful and flustered features, feeling a smile grow on his face.

"Yeah," You said, shrugging to downplay your words. "I love you. Stuff like that means a lot to me,"

"I love you too, even though you're a dumbass," Katsuki said, humbled by what you had said. The two of you shared a gentle exchange, your hand grabbing hold of Katsuki's as you gave it a squeeze. He squeezed back, and silence ensued. Had he realised such a thing sooner, then Katsuki would have pulled up in your driveway much more than he had been doing. But at that a thought struck his mind, victoriously smirking as he had an idea on how to potentially sway your worries. Or begin swaying it. Something was better than nothing, after all. "But what if I wanted you to pull up in my driveway one day?" His words caused you to look over at him in curiosity, hearing the seriousness in the question. It caught you off guard momentarily, having to contemplate as you gradually concluded that he had a point.

"Well one day, maybe I will," You vaguely replied and sat up a little bit. The hand holding yours pulled back and lifted to land on your shoulder, gripping reassuringly tight.

"I hope you do, I'd like to get in on this driveway action," He joked and smirked, faith riddled in his expression. You giggled ever so slightly, tempted to lean forward and peck Katsuki on the lips in thanks, but never a thing was to happen as the alerting red light from outside switched to warm amber.

"Ah!" Katsuki yelled in triumph, his attention leaving you swiftly as he got back into the driver's seat. Giving you no opportunity to respond to him and overall ruining the moment. "Took fucking long enough!"

The light turned green, and he set the car in motion, leaving you with your thoughts and the words he had uttered that day as the traffic stood still.

All your efforts, all your time devoted to getting over your fear of driving and the road as a whole... all of it was pointless. You did it for him. You promised him you would overcome your fears and better yourself. He built that motivation up brick by brick until you could grab hold and seize control. He wasted all that time to get you to reach such a stepping stone only to abandon it once it was through.

Just so you could pull up in his driveway, just like he requested. And what did you get in return when you finally did? A stab in the back and the loss of your other half.

You wiped your eyes via the sleeve of your hoodie, dampening the cuffs. Sniffling and exhaling a shaky breath, your gaze landed on nothing in particular. Yet somewhere within your clouded mind, you found interest. As that was where your gaze remained for a certain amount of time. You weren't sure how long exactly. It could have felt like an hour and only been five minutes. Or it could have felt like five minutes and was actually an entire hour. Either way, the clock ticked on and didn't wait for you to stop.

It was a good thing you had pushed your fears down and rose above them. It just pained you that you didn't even do it for yourself. Without Katsuki Bakugou, you never had any intentions of doing so. As a matter of fact, you had set out to take the train or bus for the rest of your life. Hell, you were going to use a bike and scooter if you got desperate. Had he even acknowledged how much work you put in just to get where you were? Was all that effort part of the reason why he decided to cheat? There was absolutely no telling. Absolutely no telling at all.

You wondered what he was doing now. Was he laid in bed resting peacefully? Out with his friends for a boy's night only? Maybe cooking his favourite curry? Possibly on a late-night jog despite the harsh weather? It never stopped him other times.

Did he ever think about you? Regret what he did and the actions he took? Had he ever considered apologising? Would he ever apologise? What if he was celebrating the fact you were no longer in his life? Had there ever been any love there for you in the start? Did he ever actually want you to get your driver's license because he believed in you? Or was it so he could get rid of you with much more ease? Make his departure less severe and less selfish? A way to justify his choices because it's not like you were hopelessly left to suffer everyday life now that you had a means of transport. Was he really that cruel?

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sharp jingle of your phone, the device lighting up as it sat in the passenger seat to your left. It took two or three rings for you to glance over at it, E/C eyes sore and drained from crying out. You squinted them to read the caller, seeing the name 'Work' fade in and out on the brightly lit screen. For a second or two you argued back and forth on whether to even bother picking up. Something about reaching across for your phone requiring a magnitude of energy you no longer possessed. Having spent it all on your cries of agony and the deprivation of your old life as a whole.

However, you had ignored your work in the last couple of weeks too many times now. So many times that pulling the same stunt again would probably risk you losing your job. It's not like your work was interested in why you felt such overwhelming pain... all they cared about was you turning up to do what you were hired to.

So using a forceful hand, you leaned over to pick it up. You fumbled to grip your phone and accepted the call with a dainty tap of your thumb. Then you blinked away your tears and subtly sniffed, pressing your phone to your ear to address the caller.

"Hello?" You practically croaked, quick to clear your throat and push any signs of upset down. It was presumably dry from how much you'd cried in the last two hours.

"L/N! Hey! Glad you finally picked up!" Unlike the droll and unvarying tones of your boss, the person on the other end was much more lively and greeting. So much so you could only assume it was none other than your work colleague, Etsuko. Probably the only person you genuinely liked where you worked, and the only person who made the time pass by faster. "I was worried you were gonna leave me on answer phone again,"

"Hm, what? Oh right. Yeah. Sorry about that. Haven't been feeling too great," You lied, even though it wasn't a complete fib. You hadn't been feeling great at all. You had never felt so rock bottom. It all just originated from your mind over anything else. But when did work care about that?

"Sounds like it, I hope you've been okay!" Still cheery as ever, Etsuko followed up with a laugh to fill the silence you created by not saying anything. "Is everything well? It's nothing serious, is it?"

"No. It's not. Just some dumb cold I caught," You excused. "I'm better now, though," Slouching down in your seat, you decided to ask the question that had been roaming your mind the last minute or so. "So why are you calling?"

"Oh, right!" Etsuko said. "Mr Kobashigawa was just wondering when you planned on coming back - for schedule reasons and to get people to fill in for your shifts,"

"I er...," Not entirely sure how to answer, you stuttered as your words cowered away in your attempt to speak. "I don't -,"

"It's okay, he doesn't need an answer yet," Etsuko reassured. "Maybe in the next day or two, though? He wasn't really specific, being honest,"

You sighed at the guilt brewing in your stomach. You weren't even sick for crying out loud! Why were you lying just so you could wallow in your own sadness?! Like that was going to change anything! Sitting around and crying wasn't going to give you what you wanted. You weren't getting him back. Katsuki Bakugou wasn't yours anymore. He made that clear by cheating. By making minimal effort to give you an explanation. By causing you so much pain with little care or concern. Why couldn't you get it through your thick skull that your feelings didn't matter anymore?! That they were being wasted on a lost cause. A lost relationship!

"Well I mean -," You started, running a hand through your hair as you tread carefully on your words. "I could come in tonight? Has Mr Kobashigawa got someone to fill for me yet?"

"Um... no? I don't think so?" Etsuko answered, uncertainty in her voice. "Let me go check. Be right back!" And with that, the line fell dead. The call didn't end, just Etsuko placing the phone down to get an answer for you. Leaving you all by your lonesome once more.

Reflecting, you could see the logic in your thoughts. The best course of action would be to hold your head up high and live life the way it was before. When you were happy. Just... excluding the factors that actually made you happy. Which was him. Wouldn't that be healthier than crying all the time?

Yes, it would. But was it what you wanted? Not really.

"L/N!" The voice in your ear startled you to the point you nearly dropped your phone, panicking through a gasp as you fiddled to grab hold of it again.

"Wa-! Careful you nearly scared me half to death!"

"Oops, sorry!" Etsuko giggled softy, sounding as perky as ever. "I'm just excited to tell you that nobody's filling in your shift! You can still come in for ten-thirty!"

"I-I can?" You asked. After an upbeat 'yeah!' filtered through your ears, you considered your options. Remaining in the serene, quiet confines of your car with only the downfall of rain to accompany you sounded like utter bliss, given how you felt. But you felt an internal kick up the backside which told you - no... demanded you to just get over this moping attitude of yours and look on the bright side. To get over the lack of closure and simply... move on.

Yeah... if he found out you were an utter train wreck thanks to the damage he inflicted; Katsuki Bakugou would probably revel in it. He had a history of gaining pleasure from other's misfortunes... or it was rumoured he did (during his younger years, anyway). You had never wanted to believe it but you couldn't find a reason to refute it anymore. After all you had been through, it seemed to fit his character and personality more than ever. So with that fact apparent, you held a firm forefront and searched for a determined tone, and made your answer to your friend.

"You betcha I'm coming in! I'll see you in half an hour!"

Too enthusiastic? Probably. Still, it was better than acting pessimistic and hopeless. No matter, however, because that was exactly the attitude Etsuko had been hoping for.

"Alrighty!" She exclaimed, smile audible in her voice from the other end. "I can't wait to get our dynamic duo going again! I've missed you!"

"Yeah, me too, 'Suko," You hummed in agreement.

"Great! Catch ya later my partner in crime,"

"Heh. You too, dumbass," You found a reason to smile from her childish behaviour, though your choice of wording seemed to hit a nerve. It did more than that, it practically reverted all that confidence and progress you had made in the last ten minutes of being on the phone. All from one innocent word that escaped your lips.

Dumbass.

That's what he used to call you.

The phone call had ended without you even noticing, your phone still pressed to your ear as a small buzz sounded into it. You stared dead ahead, flashes of all the times he had said that word to you running through your memory. It was his form of a pet name. Some might see it as a little degrading on the surface, but you never minded. Once you learned the deeper meaning of the name, it became something equivalent to the likes of 'Sunshine' or 'Angel'. If anything, you ended up preferring it to those sorts of nicknames. Hence why Katsuki Bakugou had called you it on so many occasions.

No. Stop it. You can't let something like that bother you. Not after the efforts you just went to. Stop. Shaking yourself out of it, you returned to reality and permitted your phone to drop onto your lap. Your hand once holding it gripped onto your steering wheel, the other following shortly behind to do the same.

"I love you too, even if you're a dumbass,"

That rung in your head one final time, tormenting and mocking your present. The things you'd be willing to do to hear him say that to you one last time...

"No," You firmly shook your head, banging it lightly against the headrest to return yourself to reality. An attempt to knock those words to the back of your mind where you could lock them in a securely tight safe for the rest of eternity. "Just... just don't think about it. Easy. Just focus on what you're doing now," You reached for your keys which sat in the ignition, taking hold and turning them ever so slightly. Your car stirred to life, engine rumbling and the dials lighting up in a form of warm greeting. "You're going to work. No more feeling sorry for yourself,"

No more feeling sorry for yourself.

Your eyes set themselves on the road ahead. The vacant, dark and solitary road that didn't wait for you to make your decision. Life moved on after all, so if you were going to do anything - it was to catch up and take the winning lead.

So despite your circumstances; your inner desires and wishes and begs for what you wanted back but to no avail would ever get, you pulled out of your parking space (which had long exceeded the time limit, thankfully nobody was around to see) that drowned in pitiful rains of the night, and began to make your way down the street. In search of a place better than the one you were trapped in.

An endless road that wasn't all that clear, you were going to tackle it. Not for anyone else, unlike the last time you met difficulty and hardships. No, no, no. This time it was for your sake. All the mental energy to recover and become a better version of yourself, in the endgame it was all for you. You could push past all the deceit and lies you had been told and you could push past your normality which was him. Katsuki Bakugou. The man that hurt you as nobody had ever done before. You could create new normality without him.

A thought of forever he created and destroyed, resorted to driving alone past his street, never to be thought of again.

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kekoma · 4 years

Text

— 𝐫𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫. (𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞)

❝you wouldn’t defy my favor, correct?❞ | one more is all ushijima says so one more is what he’ll get.

word count : 1,274

contains : overstimulation, ig dubcon, slight manipulation, praise

note : keep in mind this isn’t an modern day prince setting. rather its the edo era instead. also wrote this while low on sleep so apologizes if it’s not great/has some mistakes (may possibly re-do this later). regardless, hope you enjoy.

chants from nocturnal creatures combined with the nearby soothing flow of water accompanying an lily pond had no longer orchestrated the vastly chamber anymore.

rather an obscene resonance painted themselves on the walls as frigid orbs cauterized your glowing skin from above, your lips extracted from one another due to his deft fingers toying between your. as much as you squirmed, mewling small pleads for his majesty to free you from such torment— none of it worked. instead, it had fueled him to continue his torment on your cunt.

“won’t you enlighten me with another lewd face my sweet little one?” ushijima whispered immorally, leaning down as if he would grant you the opportunity to kiss his plushy soft pink lips to escape your stimulation that drowned your body, however, it only hovered tauntingly; “just one more. one more.”

the words ‘just one more’ had felt like they were engraved on his tongue, rattling inside of your mind as those few words had no truth behind them. rather, it was another way of him to bring you to the idea that you would be freed from his hidebound grip and your body wouldn’t have to continue to be subjected to such an lewd scene. a lewd scene that you couldn’t help but squeak out in pleasure with embarrassment mixed within at the thought of it all.

your robe had been bedraggled, revealing your figure to the paper lantern that sat near you both. the sweet scent of your nectar, sweat, and pure lust intoxicated you both as your eyes continuously fluttered with each feeble touch toshi provided. legs parted enough for him to fit between with comfort as he indulged in a few lust driven kisses with you before returning to his previous position to watch you. to him, it was like playing an instrument— knowing your body as if it were one, he knew exactly how to strum you in order to hear those melodic sound he considered pure ecstasy to his ears.

as much as you tried to recall how you ended up in this situation, nothing could came to mind yet again, the feeling of your core preparing itself to spasm once more stopped any incoming memories or thoughts; “’m close..! so c-close.” you whimpered out as your hands reached to grip his forearms— nails digging into his flesh and leaving small wounds, “go ahead little one, but look at me while you do it.” instead of his typical voice from early, it came more horsed just a bit but you paid no true mind once you came all over the prince’s nimble fingers for the 5th time while following his order. when he pulled him away, licking up your juices with an delighted smile, you assumed a clean up and rest would follow suit. oh were you wrong. so so wrong.

instead ushijima completely disrobed himself, revealing his fat cock, angry-redden tip with precum leaking from the glistening slit— sliding down the prominent veins that greeted your eyes;

“you’re such a good girl for me angel. almost too good for me.” he collected your slick with his cock, making sure to coat it nicely even if your body twitched from the feeling and you whined, “no more.. no more your highness.”

“no need to call me that. it’s toshi to you angel and just for me. i have to prep you like that or else you won’t be able to take me all.”

hearing his words made your heart skip a beat. did he truly expect you to be okay with all of this? your body was exhausted. you were generally exhausted. cold too from all your cum covering your legs.

before you could disagree, the feeling of his tip circling and probing your small hole caused you to automatically push against his stomach. the feeling of your hands pressed against his hot flesh inflicted a bit of pique.

“now little one... can’t do that. you wouldn’t defy my favor, correct?” ushijima’s tone became sweeter, tooth rotting sweet as he came close to peck your lips. one time. two. three, “say you wouldn’t defy me. not when i treat you so well and proclaim you as my favorite chambermaid.” you weren’t in the right state of mind to completely comprehend the bitter sweet words he spoke. rather you let him get into your head, allowing him to do what he desired with you.

when noticing your hands traveling upwards to wrap around his neck, ushijima knew he had you right in his hold. however, he didn’t gloat in the glory of winning for long— rather he took the chance to shove his dick into you with one swift thrust. your squeal of pain echoed as tears threaten to leak as your nails ripped away at his bare back.

an afflictive hiss escaped his lips yet he did remove your hands, restraining above your head like normal. instead wakatoshi opted to comfort you through doting touches on your sides— occasionally his hands will stop at your hip and clutch them until you mewled for toshi to stop.

“my pretty girl. you always make the prettiest sounds for me and taking me in so well. i never want to stop fucking you.”

praise after praise left those soft lips of his as you could no longer muster the energy to speak back. with half-lidded eyes, body occasionally arching away from his bed as every single thrust and another climax approaching. a familiar one at that—nothing but incoherent babbles were enough to tell the prince you were too far gone. most of the time, he would be satisfied with it, however, he wasn’t this time.

to gain another type of reaction, toshi never halted his movement when lifting one of your legs onto his shoulder so his fat cock could hit deeper into you; “t-tosh...! please, please, please,”

“please what little one?” proceeding to change the pace for something more ruthlessly than before and that would leave you almost foggy, toshi switched from watching your cunt flutter around his cock aimlessly to your adorable lewd faces followed by those sweet sweet sounds that escaped. when you hadn’t responded, putting a hand back on his stomach and attempting to push him away— he released a hand from your hip and grabbed your face, “speak to me. what are you begging for angel?”

“toshi! toshi! h-haaah..! hah— toshi!”

no need for him to know what you were warning him about due to the fact your figure shook more as you squirted on his cock, practically spraying his torso and yourself. eyes rolling back a little as your back arched, the sight of you had been able to bring ushijima to cum inside you with an loud yet deep groans.

“good girl. my sweet little good girl.” ushijima praises you one last time as he cups your face, leaning in to kiss all over your face in silent. you took this opportunity to hold him closer and he showed no sign of pulling away, rather letting you feel a smile form on his lips when he returned for your lips once more, “you’re really too good to me.”

“mhmm.” a hum was all you could managed to produce as you connoted that you were going down for a nap, however, with the feeling of toshi lifting you up to sit in his laps— feeling of dismay washed over you when catching on to the sweet smile you felt just merely a few minutes ago turn into something sinister:

“one more angel. just one more and i’ll set you free. think you can do that for me?”

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