#idk i feel..... way too young for this adult body..... idk idk idk

[robinsnest2111]

winx club number 1 comfort media to me when I was a weird preteen and was ugly and was acting strange and all my peers hated me and bullied me and shunned me and my friends dropped me because of signs of mental illness and no one knew how to handle me, least of all myself ✌

[ghoulysaphomet]

i kinda wanna write a short crack-ish time travel au where 12 year old jason swaps places with 22 year old jason bcs it'd be so fkn funny everyone would be so concerned. bcs like jaybin was not the angry kid fandom seems to think????? he was so sweet?? he listened, he was happy-go-lucky and wanted to help, found wonder in everything (robin gave him magic) and he was just so full of life and hope

so im just imagining:

titans: so hows it going with robin? you havent really talked about him or complained about his goody-two shoes sunshine-ness for a while. you good?

dick: well, uh. you see.

titans: also, who's the body-guard?

jason:

dick: so uh. this is.. future? robin..?

jason, 6'4 built like an idustrial fridge and a heavy aura of ''i can and will break your neck if you look at me the wrong way'' and voice gravelly from either the scar tissue or smoking or both: sup

titans:

titans: (just. stares. uncomprehending)

More under the cut V

just got like a funny picture in my head of like. a time travel AU where jason either swaps places with his younger self or somth idk but they're like sitting quietly eating breakfast and it's all fun and good but then a magical poof ensues and bam. adult jason is sitting there and jason is very confused bcs like yeah he was in fact sitting and about to eat but that had been at the nest with tim across him and maybe dick or damian snoring away on the couch in the next room.

meanwhile, dick and bruce and alf are all.. very confused bcs 1) baby jay just vanished. not only is the kid gone but in his place is a man who sorta looks like jay. (i headcanon jay as trans, this was before he came out.. tho i do have aus where he doesnt get to come out to anyone but tim, who makes a secret grave in his honor and doesn't out him.)

and bruce is like.

b: caroline...? is that you?

jay: (blinks) hm. congratulations, it's a boy. (jazzhands).

2. this man looks like he's seen the worst things humanity can offer, not to mention the very extensive scarring *covering every visible inch of his body* and the creepy either white eyes or green eyes.

and now he's sititng with just bruce and a very young looking dick and all of them just stare at each other and all jay can say is "fuckin' hell. seriously?" and groans bcs he did not want to deal with bruce. at all.

3. this man is not as surprised to be there as he should be.

jasons really not pleased with the situation but it is what it is and he's like just call constantine or zatanna or whatever. meanwhile everyone else is too busy staring at the fact jason, tiny jay, is taller than freakin' bruce and built like an industrial fridge (that isnt from lowes). none of them know how to feel about this

just like.

"you're.. awfully calm about this."

"eh, i've seen weirder." it is unsaid but jay is thinking of discowing.

n the three of them just has no idea how to treat this adult jason. this jason who seems.. familiar but so, so very different. obviously something must've happened bcs the guy looks like he's been in a freaking zombie apocalypse. and jays just like i cant wait to be home i hate this place, and makes the most unnerving comments here and there that just makes the others more confused. like.

"you can sleep in your old..? room. we will need to look for a change of clothes, though."

"ill use a guest room, i'm not setting a foot in that shrine."

"as you can see by this footage it's possible-"

"oh, that's not who killed him. look there, that's a falcone mark. this wasn't random but premediated."

"hm why are you even bothering with this case? listen - that's the sound of a skull being crushed, not the sound of an arm breaking, duh."

and they just get more confused and concerned

jason is a giant man made of muscle and rage and everyone is left reeling cause something happened to him, but he wont say what, and everyone keeps trying to guess and he doesnt clarify anything and obs no one is thinking "he died, got revived, turned into a zombie, pumped through HRT rage edition, becamea crime lord, was killed by his dad who chose to save his murderer, thrown into arkham by his older brother, broken out by his younger brother/boyfriend, made his own team of outlaws and put himself back together, only then starting to reconcile with some of the bats"

when they finally figure out how to get him back, someone, maybe baby timmers guesses "you were turned into a zombie" as a joke and jay finger guns him and says "yep" and then back jumps into the portal to get him back to his own time

meanwhile baby jason has the time of his life

not only is he apparently tall, *but* dick likes him?? he's apparently done a lot of good for crime alley??? he has a brother? boyfriend? both?? who looks up to him and is both very familiar yet he doesnt recognise him at all, and a younger brother who also looks up to him and is very protective and reminds him of like a small cat?????

dicks like we gotta get so many pictures of you!!! and jays like super confused but also like ok???

he can obviously tell that somethings up that theyre not telling him. but honestly the fact that it's like a decade into the future and he has so many people who loves him??? he decides its a problem for future him.

everyone is just very happy bruce is away on a mission in space.

[platinumshawnn]

Bound by Fire and Blood | Benjicot Blackwood — pt v

Synopsis: The Brackens retaliate and send their own men to the frontline and into Blackwood territory four days to the wedding, causing some concerns amongst the members of the Blackwood house. 

Kermit is summoned into the rooms of Blackwood's councilman as Samwell and Benjicot as they ready their men for the frontlines for another bloody feud. Benjicot impulsively takes things into his own hands and mistakenly escalates things.

masterlist | playlist | backwards | forward

A/N: I wrote a majority of this on my phone at a festival while i was drunk, i am going to be one hundred percent honest, so idk how it turned out and i am sorry but anyways! we are just about half-way! I tried to connect this sort of to the universe of “to strangers” but there is a small mistake in how Rodrik is related to Aeron that I have since fixed

Content Warning(s): MDNI — 18+, adult language, mentions of blood, violence, and war; era related sexism and gender based harassment/discrimination, sexually suggestive content, mild depictions of family based violence, implied suicide ideation.

Word count: 7.1k

Fingers grazed up the spine of the dress — snug around her hips and lower than she was used to as they worked, ensuring the laces were tight enough that the dress’ bodice clung to her body in a way that was flattering enough to accentuate her womanly curves. The white fabric reached the ends of her toes as she stood above them on a pedestal, swallowing her while her hands remained at her waist, too scared to move in fear of tumbling over and crashing into the floor beneath her as the handmaidens tirelessly worked at her feet to pin the fabric and fix the hem — meanwhile, an additional pair of hands were at her shoulders and adjusting the cape of deep red and blue, embellished with gold thread, fixing it over her shoulders. 

Serra had never been fond of dress fittings, as it was an experience she found discomforting and overwhelming — with all the hands on her, the whispers as the women poked and prodded at her. Being placed up on a pedestal, put on display, and being made a spectacle of, did not help the matters. It was painfully awkward having so many eyes on her, critiquing how the dresses fit her, and the closer she had come to being of age to marry, she found they worsened — less bearable as the emphasis at one point or another was placed on her bust, mutters about whether the dress was flattering enough. With age, there was more focus on ensuring she appeared more mature than she felt; wifely and alluring enough for a man’s gaze, and unlike most women of her age who had their mother by their side to talk them through the transition from young, girly dresses to womanly dresses that dipped lower, fit tighter, Serra was not fortunate enough to dawn that privilege. 

When she first reached ten-and-six, Kermit, who had then been only a year older than her at ten-and-seven, had tried to sit in on the sessions and talk to her to distract her from the process itself at first. He tried to provide her with conversation and company, as it could become long and drawn out, however it only lasted for a short while before she sensed his discomfort — soon enough, he had begun politely excusing himself with some grumble about not wanting to ‘intrude’ and explaining that he did not feel it proper of him as a man to get in the way of a woman’s business — instead, he had his tasks as a man of the house to tend to but promising that he would check in soon. Though, he hardly did. 

This particular session was gruelling, though. She felt as though she had been there all day and worried it would never end; drained and ready to retreat to her room for the next two days as her head was nudged forward by gentle fingers that adjusted the neckline there. Her hair was guided over her left shoulder and neatly splayed down her back, her gaze fixed out the window that overlooked the yards as she listened to the distant sounds of Raventree. She could make out the sound of men arriving at the gate, returning with supplies ahead of the wedding, the gates a never-ending revolving door of men coming and going these days; the fingers on her left hand absentmindedly reaching to twist a finger on her right, “You may step down now.” The elderly woman to her right instructed, reaching out a hand to offer to help her in stepping down. 

She turned her head, turning her eyes to her hand as she accepted it, and slowly stepped off the stool, her left hand lifting her skirts out of her way. Her steps were slow and tentative, cautious as to not fall face first as she clenched her jaw with anxiety, only relaxing once both feet were steady on the floor, “Your father has requested the neckline not be brought any lower, we have fixed it to be as low as he has approved.” Orpheus, the elderly septa, explained. 

She wordlessly listened to her as she adjusted the skirt around her legs, removing a pin that had been forgotten and circling her, “Your father has suggested you wear a piece from your mother’s jewellery for the wedding.” She said from behind her. “He has provided us with two necklaces he would like you to consider—”

“My Lord.” 

The words were sudden and sharp in the soft atmosphere, Grace’s voice high-pitched and bordering shrill as she curtsied from her spot near the wall, the fabric in her arms clutched to her chest, her gaze pinned to the floor. The previous hum of mutters ceased, the room falling silent as the other women followed suit in curtsying in the direction of the doorway behind her. She turned, looking over her shoulder first before she turned, the door now open for the young man who stood there; green eyes watching her with a blank expression as if he was trying to figure out a reaction, “Lord Blackwood.” She announced, his eyes shooting to her face at the words. Serra moved to face him, curtsying to him with a flushed appearance. 

His head nodded to her, the women in the room remaining silent. Serra watched as his gaze scanned over her dress, skimming her head to toe and taking in her appearance, and suddenly she felt foolish; face hot and embarrassed as she nervously adjusted her skirt with her hands; his gaze lingering at her hips and chest, taking in the very little skin that was exposed, “You look…” he began to say, voice quiet and pausing, searching for the word, “it suits you.” 

Her expression appeared perplexed as her head tilted, mouth opening with a question as she caught the small smile on Grace’s face at the interaction when her head turned to look at her briefly, “I mean to say you look nice.” Benjicot quickly added, explaining himself and stepping forward into the room, though he stopped and remained stuck at the edge of the room, his embarrassment clear on his face as his eyebrows furrowed with a worried frown and reddening. 

Serra found herself reminded of his youthfulness, boyish as he glanced towards where Alistair found respite in the corner of the room and cleared his throat, the guard looking at him from the corner of his eye. She was again reminded that despite the tough exterior and his imposing presence, he was still a boy in some ways. She smiled, soft and shy, while smoothing her hands over her bodice, “Thank you, Benjicot.” She sweetly said. 

His head nodded again, again allowing a silence to fall over the room before he once again spoke, “I do not mean to intrude…” he said, barely in the room as he took two more steps forward and stopped, “I’m just on the way to meet with your father. I just figured I would stop by.” Benjicot explained, his hands clasping around the hilt of his sword, his fingers drumming absentmindedly. 

Serra’s shoulders relaxed with a deep exhale, the first time all morning as her hands brushed down the sides of her skirt, “That’s kind of you.” 

He released a hum in response, his eyes shifting from her face as though he was avoiding her gaze — and though the dreary weather outside, with its clouds, didn’t do her sight justice, she could make out the flush of colour that reddened his cheeks whilst his mouth pressed in a tight line.

“We were just about to pick out some jewellery— some necklaces my father picked from my late mother’s collection.” She suddenly announced, breaking the silence. “Would you like to help me choose?” 

His eyebrows shot up, his gaze coming back up to her face, mouth opening in protest, “Oh, I’m not a man with a taste for such things, I don’t think I would be of any help.” He replied. 

“Nonsense. Just pick whichever you think is prettiest,” she insisted, gesturing him to come forward as she turned then to look to Orpheus who stood nearby, “Show Lord Benjicot and I what father has chosen.” 

A look crossed Orpheus’ features, mouth pressed into a line and twitching for a moment as she glanced towards Benjicot, who reluctantly approached. He slowed as she turned to retrieve two cases from a girl behind her, sighing as she faced the couple and presented them to Serra, “Your mother’s wedding pendant— a homage to her natural born house, Mallister. Your father had it commissioned for her as a gift.” The septa explained, allowing Serra to reach out and brush her fingers over the silver eagle pendant with curious fingers. She carefully picked up the necklace, holding it between her fingers as Orpheus watched her, glancing once again at Benjicot.

She presented the second, its gold chain a striking contrast to the delicate ruby flowers that circled it and caught the light in the corner of her eye. She looked up and away from the silver pendant, perking up at the sight of it, “Oh! I haven’t seen this in years.” She exclaimed, her voice pitched and eager like an excited child as she quickly returned the silver pendant to Orpheus’ hands and took the gold chain from her. Beniicot, from her left, watched in silence, his expression still as he allowed her a moment to assess the piece with trembling fingers. His gaze briefly caught the elderly woman’s, drifting up to her and inhaling, met with a small flash of a smile that was polite. 

“This one.” 

Both Serra and her septa looked at him as he spoke, the younger woman looking at him with wide eyes, “It’s pretty.” He explained, referencing her earlier suggestion. His shoulders rolled, squaring as he stood upright. “You also look like you care for it.” 

It was a simple observation, but a meaningful gesture that brought a smile to her face nonetheless as she looked up at him. She turned and nodded to Orpheus, who withdrew with the cases, Serra keeping the necklace as she turned to him, “Could you?” She asked, holding the necklace towards him. 

He looked between her and the chain, visibly hesitating before he took it from her fingers with a gentle hand; a contrast to their rough, calloused state from years of training. Her back turned to him, moving her hair out of the way with her right hand to make the task easier — on cue, Benjicot stepped forward until he was close enough that she could feel his warmth radiating, hear the subtle swallow. He cleared his throat from behind her, his hands reaching over her shoulders and around to the base of her neck, letting the necklace rest there against her collarbones, his hands brushing her shoulders as they withdrew to her nape; her hand replacing his to hold the necklace. His fingers fumbled to do the clasp, brows furrowed in concentration and breath fanning across her neck, “There you go.” He said, his right hand briefly planting on her shoulder. 

She turned as his hand dropped back to his side, stepping back from her. Her hand reached up to the chain, one of the little flowers between her fingers as she looked down at it, a moment of silence falling over the room. 

“Your mother used to wear it all the time.” He stated, seemingly recalling the distant memory from her last visit there — Benjicot had to dig deep, pulling it deep from the catacombs of his mind, faded with time, but still lingering there all those years later. He could still vaguely remember the image of her, curtsying to him and his father, the light catching the rubies as the sun shone in through the windows of the hall, a young Serra at her side — he remembered the gentle nudge she gave her daughter as a reminder to follow her suit. His brows furrowed again at the memory. 

“You remember that?” She asked. 

He let out another hum, gaze still fixed on the chain as he nodded. Benjicot looked up to her eyes, the dimple in his cheek prominent as he chewed at the inside skin, “Yes.” 

He remembered her as kind and warm, a loving and doting mother and wife. He remembered her likeness to her daughter — he remembered rumours that his father had almost vied for her hand, though the venture was short-lived after hearing of her betrothal to Elmo. Sometimes, Benjicot wondered what would have happened if things had taken that path — how different things would have been. Would they still be in this position? Would Benjicot be any different? Would a mother’s kindness have changed the outcome? 

He was overcome by guilt at the thought. He remembered his mother as a kind woman with good humour from the memories he’d had of her from childhood, he had just never had the fortune of being able to have that same type of relationship with her that the Tully siblings had with their own. His mouth pursed, his hand absentmindedly wandering on its own to gently touch her cheek, Serra’s expression one of surprise and confusion as she froze. 

It suddenly dawned on him what he was doing, his hand quickly withdrawing and stepping back from her, “I’m sorry— I don’t know…” he stammered, his mouth snapping shut and blinking rapidly a couple of times. “I should be on my way, I shouldn’t keep the council waiting too long.” He muttered, his hand disappearing under his cloak and to his side as he spun on his heel to hurry out of the room. Her gaze watched him, still frozen in place and trying to process the sudden mood swing that made her head spin, her mouth opening.

“You mentioned he was an odd man,” Orpheus spoke from behind her. 

Serra glanced at her, taking a sharp inhale of air as she looked back toward the door, “Yes, odd.” She said, drawing out the word. The room remained silent for a moment, feeling Septa Orpheus’ eyes on her. 

“You forgot to mention how comely he was, however.” She said, her voice lilting a subtle and playful tone. 

Serra let out a soft laugh, embarrassed as she turned to find the septa at her side now, “Come, let us finish your fitting. I imagine you would like to get done with this.” Orpheus warmly said, guiding her back towards the stool. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Benjicot sat, nauseous and picking at the skin around his nails as the meeting drew on. He’d spent the past two hours in silence, hardly contributing to the conversation other than short hums or grunts whenever called upon, eyes only lifting for those brief moments. Otherwise, he wallowed in his horror and humiliation for his prior conversation with Serra and avoided any eye contact where he could. It had only dawned on him that afternoon how much of Serra he could see in Kermit’s face when he had arrived to find the eldest Tully, standing outside the doors and expectantly waiting for him. 

They hadn’t spoken in the days following their last conversation — the exchange relentlessly haunting Benjicot since, as he’d had nightmares about his mother, who at times blurred with images of her. Instead of his mother at the window’s ledge, he saw Serra, looking back at him. The first time it had happened, he had jumped awake with a gasp as he looked around his room; it had then taken him a while to fall back asleep, scared he would be forced to watch it all over again — watch as she slipped from the ledge with a terrified gasp. 

He was thankful that Kermit didn’t say anything when they met, Benjicot still out of it as he approached him. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact detail on him that resembled his sister — maybe it was a twitch in his face or a mannerism, but it was her. He cringed internally and walked in silence to their chairs, being greeted by Elmo. That daze had lasted all morning, only picking out little comments here and there from the conversation at the table, distracted by his own hands. His gaze briefly lifted as Samwell reached across the table from his seat at the head, gently swatting his hand with his own, sucking in a sharp, startled breath and looking up at his father, “You’re not present, Benjicot.” Samwell muttered, his gaze still down the table and not looking at him. 

“I am.” He softly sighed. 

“No,” Samwell sternly said, his eyes turning to him. “You’re not. I can tell. You’re not here right now.” 

It took everything in Benjicot not to snap back and argue, knowing it wasn’t worth it to start a fight over something so minuscule as the frustration crawled up his throat. His hands released one another and dropped onto the table with another sigh, “I’m just…thinking. I apologise.” He replied in a quiet voice. 

His father was silent for a moment as he stared at him, eyes briefly glancing towards where Elmo circled the chairs towards a conversation happening on the other side of the table, “Where are you?” He asked, looking back to his son. “Where is your mind?” 

He hesitated to reply, his gaze shifting as he tried to muster a reply that would suffice, “It’s nothing, this is more…” 

“It’s not nothing if it makes you unable to concentrate on the bigger issue.” He pressed, leaning forward in his seat, his gaze unwavering. “I ask as a father, Benjicot. Tell me.” 

The use of his name urged him to look up at his father, blinking a couple of times and opening his mouth, attempting to stammer out some reply — he wanted to tell someone, but Benjicot hardly understood it all himself. He’d yet to figure out what the hell was wrong with him. 

The doors slammed open suddenly which finally caught his attention, watching with tired eyes as the guard by the door was shouldered and jostled for a moment as the source of the commotion entered; a group of young men and cousins that Benjicot slowly picked out one by one — his gaze found Emrys strolling in behind the group, his face streaked with dirt and wiping at a bloodied nose as their eyes met. Benjicot watched as his shoulders rose and fell with a sigh, shaking his head at his older cousin and looking towards where the leader of the group rushed in, dagger in hand. 

Ser Eryn rushed forward from his corner place towards the young man who approached the table, eyes wild and snarling as the men who had gathered near the end of the table quickly dispersed in various directions to get out of his way; the guard drew his sword and extended a hand towards his arm, grabbing his elbow. 

“Get your bloody hands off of me.” The boy snapped, shoving Ser Eryn’s hand off him and stumbling a step. 

“Davos.” Samwell firmly said, standing up abruptly to address the boy who was visibly seething — Davos stopped at the end of the table, tossing the knife onto it, the weapon clattering. 

“Those Bracken cunts have breached our land.” He said through gritted teeth. 

The room fell silent, their attention collectively drawn towards the knife on the table embellished with the Bracken’s sigil. Benjicot leaned forward in its direction, “What do you mean?” Samwell asked. 

“They’re on our fucking land!” He snapped, shouting. His father shot his cousin a look, prompting him to clench his jaw, taking a breath to ground himself before speaking again, “We ran into them this morning when we went to survey the boundaries last night as you instructed. They have set camp on our land.” He explained. 

The senior councilman, a grizzled veteran Ser Myles Rivers, slammed his fist on the wooden table, his voice gruff and filled with frustration. "Damn it! What have you two done?" His sharp eyes darted between the young lord and his father, his face etched with lines of anger and worry.

"We warned you about pushing too far, about provoking them. And now look! The Brackens have taken it upon themselves to set up camp on our land, challenging our authority, and threatening our people. This is exactly what we feared, and you’ve given them the excuse they needed."

Ser Myles shook his head, the weight of the situation pressing down on him. "This isn’t just a skirmish anymore; it’s a declaration of war. The Brackens want blood, and they won’t stop until they have it. We’re in a dangerous position, and all of Raventree is at risk."

Another council member, Maester Edric, interjected, his tone calmer but no less grave. "We must tread carefully now. Retaliating further could lead to full-scale conflict, something neither side can afford. We need to consider our options—diplomacy, subterfuge, anything to avoid plunging our houses into ruin."

Ser Myles cut in, his voice hardening. "But if we don’t act, we’ll appear weak. The Brackens will think they can encroach on our lands without consequence. We have to show them that Raventree won’t back down, even if it means bloodshed."

"Samwell," he said, his tone carrying the weight of years of service to the Blackwoods, "you’ve always been the voice of wisdom in this hall. We’re on the edge of something that could consume us all. The Brackens are daring us to strike back.” 

He paused, searching Samwell’s face for guidance. "What do we do? Do we meet their challenge head-on and risk plunging the Riverlands into chaos? Or is there another way—one that spares us from a conflict that could bleed us dry?"

The room fell silent, every eye on Samwell, waiting for the elder Blackwood to speak, knowing that his counsel could either steer them toward war or guide them toward a more measured path.

Samwell’s gaze settled on Ser Myles. "I understand your frustration, Ser Myles, and I share it. But if we retaliate now, we risk a full-scale war that will stretch our resources and endanger our people. We must show restraint, even if it means appearing weak for a time. We will not act in haste. Instead, we will plan and prepare, ensuring that when we do make a move, it will secure our position without dooming us to unnecessary conflict."

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Benjicot adjusted his riding gloves as he and Emrys attempted to hurry down the halls before anyone could see them and question where they were going — he knew the minute he was found out, his father would be notified within minutes and know of his plans. With very little room for error, their pace was a brisk shuffle of feet as he clenched his fist, attempting to break in the leather gloves that felt snug around his knuckles, the halls barely lit by the few torches that remained in this part of the castle. 

“Ser Eryn has readied the horses, they’re just waiting beyond the gates for us.” Emrys quietly explained, Benjicot’s eyes lifting to look over at his cousin, “Are you sure you want to do this? Do you think it will work?” Emrys asked, looking at him. 

“It will,” Benjicot replied. “What of Davos and his men?” 

“They have returned to the borders and will meet us there.” His cousin stated, the two men walking shoulder to shoulder as Benjicot vaguely made out the sound of a horse whinny from the gates — his head turned towards the windows of the hall that overlooked the yard. Through the limited light, he saw the gates open a crack — just enough that one of the guards standing post could speak to someone on the outside. 

“Your father is going to be furious, you know.” Emrys suddenly teased, a grin on his face. 

“He will come to understand.” He muttered, hands dropping to his sides, “He wanted me to take initiative and act as a lord for the people— if he will not act, I will.” He said, walking ahead a few paces as they reached the stairs, beginning to descend towards the doors as Emrys snorted. 

“Atta boy,” Emrys whispered, nudging his shoulder from behind and bringing a grin to Ben’s face finally, the buzz of excitement and anticipation coursing through him. “I can’t wait to wipe that smug fucking smile off of Aeron’s stupid little—” 

“Wait- sh, down!” Ben interrupted as a door creaked open behind them, dragging his cousin down a few steps by his elbow and urging him to kneel out of sight on the stairs; concealed and hidden. There was an awkward moment of clamouring and the rustle of their clothing as they ducked, waiting in silence as Emrys nearly tumbled down the stairs; only catching himself by grabbing the wall. 

The hallway fell into silence as the minutes passed, the two men completely still as they listened carefully, Ben’s gaze turned to look up towards the top of the stairs trying to peer through the dark to see who it was that had come out of their room at this hour. 

“We need to go, it’s probably nobody,” Emrys whispered after a minute. 

Benjicot hesitated, hushing him again and growing impatient the longer they were trapped there on the stairs, “Just…wait.” He quietly instructed, releasing his cousin’s arm. His movements were slow, attempting to avoid making too much noise as he stood from his knees and slowly lifted his head to look into the hallway, his eyes scanning. 

“Benjicot?” A voice whispered in the dark, his eyes darting up to find Serra standing a few feet away from him. Her head lowered, squinting to look at him and visibly still bleary as he assumed they had woken her, despite their best efforts to be as quiet as they could. And if they had woken her, he realised, there was no doubt they had probably woken others and had drawn too much attention to themselves; it was only a matter of time before they started to pour out into the hallway, alerting the guards and his father.

“Shh.” He quickly replied, standing upright and stumbling up the few stairs that separated them, his hand planting on the ground to push himself upright. He grabbed her arm, pulling her towards a nook in the wall, his eyes darting over her head and scanning their surroundings to check for anyone else in the hall. The torch above them provided enough light to see her face as he looked at her, her eyes wide and confused, “You shouldn’t be out here, what are you doing?”

“I…I was cold.” She quietly explained, “Alistair was supposed to get some more wood for the fire.” 

“How long ago did he leave?”

“What?” 

He gently shook her, “How long has it been since he went to fetch wood?” He asked, looking down at her. 

She winced, shrinking back against the wall, “I don’t know…a few minutes before I heard you. I thought- I thought you were him,” Serra explained, her hands crossing over her chest. “You’re hurting me, Ben, please.” She quietly pleaded. He watched her eyes dart behind him, his head turning to find Emrys slowly standing to watch, ready to lunge forward towards the pair with a look of confusion on his face as he saw Serra. 

Benjicot released her elbow suddenly, only then realising how tightly he was holding her and sucking in a deep breath. Serra cradled her arm towards her body, hand rubbing over where his had previously been moments prior and frowning with her mouth slightly ajar, “We don’t have long, Alistair is out.” Benjicot said, turning to look at Emrys. 

His attention turned back to Serra, taking in her appearance — her hair slightly ruffled with sleep and cheeks flushed, still visibly exhausted but much more alert now as she looked up at him. His gaze absentmindedly dropped further, becoming aware of what little she was wearing; the fancy gowns of her house colours long since retired for the night, and left stripped down to a thin, loose cream-coloured chemise for sleep; a scarf hung around her shoulders to provide some warmth amidst the cool night. His eyebrows furrowed, Serra shifting uncomfortably under his gaze — Ben took a step to the left, shielding her from Emrys’ gaze, which lingered from behind him. 

“Sorry, my lady, we did not mean to wake you.” Emrys politely said, her head popping up over Benjicot’s shoulder to make eye contact with the younger blonde boy who hovered near. 

“Where are you going?” She asked, settling back on her heels as she looked up at him. 

Benjicot sighed, “Nowhere. It’s time you go back to bed.” 

She grabbed his wrist, lifting it in front of them and eyeing the gloves he wore briefly. He yanked his hand free, “So do you frequently just skulk around in your riding gear?” She asked, her voice quiet. 

He frowned, head shaking, “No— and it does not concern you. Do not stick your nose where you have no business putting it.” 

“It does concern me,” She insisted. “It will concern me, Benjicot, when we are married. Where are you off to?” 

“For your good, Serra, please-” 

“You’re off to go fight with those Bracken boys, aren’t you?” Serra pointedly asked, her voice firmer than Benjicot had ever heard it before, her tone knowing. It startled him, hearing her so serious and clear; her eyebrows furrowed in a displeased frown. He let out a breath, shoulders slumping as he deflated, stepping back into the wall behind him. His eyes rolled, looking away from her. “I overheard Kermit earlier.” She stated, her voice softening.

“Do you often eavesdrop on the matters of men?” He asked, his voice barely above a mutter. 

She hesitated, “Only when it matters.” Serra paused, “Only when it affects me.” 

He chewed his bottom lip, that same annoyance and frustration that had lingered in the back of his head that day creeping back up as he huffed, “It is my duty to protect and fight for my house.” 

“Yes, it is,” She softly said. “But there are men for that.” 

“It is just as much my responsibility as it is theirs— I am equally as trained.” He bit back. 

“I know you are,” Serra said, voice smaller now. “But you are also the heir— what should happen if harm comes of you?” 

Benjicot’s jaw clenched, mouth snapping shut for the first time during their conversation as his gaze dropped. He was left unable to argue that she had a point, but he had grown restless just waiting for action to be taken, watching while other men fought in place of him. 

“It does us no good if you die so soon in this war.” 

“What makes you think I would die?” He asked, his gaze still down and muttering like a boy. 

“You are not invincible, Benjicot.” She sighed in reply. 

The two stood silently, several moments passing before Emrys spoke up again, “I do not mean to interrupt, but if we are going, we must go now. Alistair will surely be back any moment now.” He quietly said, earning a glance from his cousin who inhaled a deep breath, sighing. 

“I need to do this— it is what is best for all of us.” He stated, voice more confident and self-assured as he looked her in the eye again, “You do not have to believe me, but I ask that you let me do this and keep this to yourself…just long enough that we make it to the boundaries at least.” He pleaded, his voice low. 

Serra eyed him, visibly contemplating his words with a tilted head, sceptical in trusting him; shoulders rising and falling with a breath, as she clutched the fabric of the scarf around her shoulders. Her gaze briefly lowered to his chest, swallowing. He could now make out the sound of footsteps approaching from down the hall and coming around the corner, his eyes lifting from her face and attention turning towards the sound as his heart raced, growing increasingly anxious the longer she remained quiet; caught like a terrified deer in the woods, “Ben, we need to leave now!” Emrys harshly whispered. 

She sighed and released her hold on the scarf, sliding it from her shoulders, “I cannot change the mind of a man set in his stubborn ways.” She mumbled, grabbing his wrist to press the thin fabric into his palm. “Take this.” She quietly said. 

His eyes shifted to glance down at the balled-up scarf, soft and delicate against his hand as she released his wrist, her eyes on his face. Benjicot looked at her, blinking rapidly a couple of times. He could hear the shuffle of feet as Emrys hurried to ascend the stairs and come up behind him, grabbing his shoulder as the flicker of flames bounced off the walls, Alistair’s shadow visible now, “Benjicot, come on.” 

“For fuck sakes, just wait!” He snapped, his voice a whisper as he shook off his cousin. Benjicot moved to quickly tuck the scarf in his belt, securing it there snugly against his hip as his cousin huffed with a curse and hurried towards the stairs; leaving him behind to descend towards the front door. 

“Be safe, come back to us.” She instructed, beginning to slide out from the nook and back in the direction of her room, but stopped by his hand around her wrist that pulled her back.  His hand lifted to grasp her chin between his thumb and forefinger, his head ducking until his nose brushed hers — he paused, feeling her sharp inhale of breath, before pressing his mouth to hers in a sweet, gentle kiss; her lips soft on his. He felt a hand of hers reflexively come up to his chest, confused and exploratory as if she wasn’t sure what to do or how to respond to the brief kiss. He withdrew after a moment, eyes scanning her features and noting the deep crimson blush that spread up her neck and into her cheeks. 

“I promise to return.” He muttered, stepping back and hurrying down the stairs as Alistair rounded the corner; finding Emrys bouncing on his toes by the front door

He could hear as Alistair called out a confused, “My lady?”

The sound of muffled conversation was distant and too quiet for his ears as he approached his cousin, who eyed him suspiciously. He wordlessly brushed past him, slipping out the door that Emrys held open before he felt him on his heels with a shut of the door. The two men bolted across the yard, the rain pouring down on the house as they ran towards the gates -- Benjicot squinted through the rain as he yanked his hood up and over his head, struggling to make out the shape of Ser Eryn who waited for him from the doors; the sound of water splashing with each step the two young men took. 

“My lord.” Ser Eryn shouted over the rain, bowing his head to Benjicot as he neared, hand reaching out already towards the saddle of the horse the guard held in place by the reign. He quickly mounted the horse who stumbled around a couple of steps, adjusting comfortably on the saddle as he tugged on the reins to pull the horse back and steady it. He watched as Emrys hopped up and mirrored his actions, pulling himself up onto the other horse’s back, looking down at Ser Eryn, “Everything is ready for you. You should reach the rest of your men within the hour. The fields will be slippery, so be careful!” 

“Aye.” Benjicot nodded, swaying with the horse’s anxious movements. “You’re a good man, Ser Eryn.” He stated. The guard gave another bow, muttering a ‘thank you’ to the boy lord who stood in front of him. 

With a snap of his reins, the horse took off underneath Benjicot; Emrys in tow as the sound of hoofs pounded against the ground. 

The rain came down in relentless sheets, soaking the earth and turning the narrow forest paths into a treacherous mire. The moon, hidden behind thick clouds, offered little light, leaving the night to be illuminated only by the occasional flash of lightning. The world was dark, wet, and unforgiving—a fitting backdrop for the grim task ahead.

Benjicot rode at the front, his horse’s hooves squelching in the mud with every step. His cloak was soaked through, the heavy wool clinging to his shoulders, but he paid it no mind. His thoughts were elsewhere, on the border ahead, where Bracken men had been seen trespassing on Blackwood land. This wasn't the first time, but it would be the last if he had anything to say about it.

Beside him, his cousin Emrys rode with equal determination, his jaw set in a grim line, "Do you think they'll be there?" Emrys asked, his voice barely audible over the drumming rain.

"They'll be there," Benjicot replied, eyes fixed on the path ahead. 

Emrys nodded, gripping the reins tighter. The path began to slope downward, leading them toward the river that marked the boundary between Blackwood and Bracken lands. The river’s usual gentle flow had turned into a roaring torrent, swollen by the storm, the water crashing against the rocks with furious energy.

As they neared the border, Benjicot signalled for them to slow down. The faint glow of torches flickered through the trees ahead, confirming what they had suspected. Bracken men were indeed on Blackwood land, and they weren’t even trying to hide it, face-to-face with Davos and his men. 

"How many do you think?" Emrys asked, peering through the darkness.

"Enough," Benjicot said, his voice a mutter. 

He drew his sword, the steel gleaming briefly in the dim light. Emrys followed suit, the sound of metal slicing through the rain-soaked air.

They urged their horses forward, emerging from the cover of the trees into a clearing by the riverbank. There, illuminated by the torches, were half-dozen Bracken men, armed and armoured, standing defiantly on Blackwood soil.

One of them, a tall man with a grizzled beard, stepped forward; a familiar face that Benjicot recognized as an elder cousin to Aeron — a boy Benjicot had encountered several times before,  "What’s this? Blackwoods come to play in the rain?"

"You’re on our land," Benjicot said, his voice carrying authority despite his youth. "Leave now, or we’ll make you."

The Bracken men laughed, their leader taking a step closer. "And what will a boy like you do about it?"

Benjicot’s eyes narrowed. "You’re treading thin ice, Bracken. Turn back and leave now, and we might spare you and your men."

Rodrik, the leader of the men, barked a laugh, “Don’t be foolish. Surely, you don’t truly think you’re anything to be feared, Benjicot.” He spat, taking a few steps in his direction, “Or did you come to meet my dear sister?” He taunted, his tone mocking and spurring a blinding rage deep within Benjicot, the taste of bile potent on his tongue. 

“You’d be lucky if you see her face again anytime soon,” Rodrick continued. “Though I doubt that is of any concern to you…seeing that I hear you are to be married to that pretty little Tully girl, aye? What’s her name again?” 

Benjicot twitched, his mouth turned into a snarl as he readjusted his grip around the hilt of his sword, his gaze watching the Bracken man like a predator does their prey, “Serra?” He slowly said, the name drawn out and followed by a sickening laugh, “Lucky man, Blackwood. You know she was almost a Bracken -- her father offered her for Aeron first before you.” 

Rodrik slowly sauntered towards Benjicot’s horse, the men behind him tense as they watched in silence; Benjicot’s eyes briefly tearing away to glance towards the Blackwood men, Emrys stood beside them and waited for any signal to advance, his blade drawn and ready -- meanwhile, Rodrik stopped once he was within arms reach of his horse. 

"Tell me, Blackwood," Rodrik sneered, his eyes gleaming with malice, "how does it feel to have a Tully as a prize, yet know she'll never be yours in spirit? Serra may wear your colours one day, but she'll always think of the strength and power of Bracken men. You can dress her in Blackwood finery, but deep down, she'll remember the better match she could have had—someone worthy of her station."

He leaned in closer, his voice a low, taunting whisper. "Enjoy her cold embraces, Benjicot. But remember, when she looks at you, she’ll be seeing the man she could’ve had."

He finally snapped. 

With a sharp cry, he spurred his horse forward as Benjicot’s sword struck with precision, cutting through the defences of the Bracken man as his blade found its mark, cutting him down with a swift strike. There was a gasp as the remaining Bracken men, seeing their leader fall, began to retreat, stumbling over the muddy ground as they fled back across the river; Rodrik’s body slumped against the ground, with his face down in the mud with wide, lifeless eyes. Ben’s gaze remained pinned there upon his body as the men withdrew, unmoving. 

Benjicot didn’t pursue them. He reined in his horse, breathing heavily, wiping the blade clean of blood off on his pant leg as Emrys came to a stop beside him, his chest heaving with exertion.

"Ben, what have you done?" Emrys hissed, his voice barely audible over the storm. His eyes were wide, but there was no judgement in them—only concern. "We weren't supposed to be here, let alone... do this."

He glanced around nervously, expecting Bracken reinforcements to appear out of the shadows. "You've just killed Rodrik Bracken. The Brackens won't let this go. This will start a blood feud, one even the gods can't stop."

Benjicot looked at him, blinking rapidly as the realisation of what he had just done dawned on him; suddenly feeling sick as shaking hands sheathed his sword and gripped the reins.

Emrys stepped closer, lowering his voice. "We need to think quickly. We can’t let them know it was us, not now. We need to get back to Raventree, and we need to make sure no one can tie this to you, to us. We can’t let this spiral out of control. The whole Riverlands will burn if this gets out."

The young lord nodded a stiff movement that oozed uncertainty. 

He paused, searching Benjicot's face for a response. "You did what you had to, Ben, but now we must do what we must to protect our house."

TAGLIST: @username199945 @cxcilla @thethiccestdaddy @deltamoon666, @drwho-ess @callsigncrushx @clarityisnofun @jhepolie @juhdoche @majoso12 @roseheart5 @nixtape-foryou @poppyflower-22 @accidentpronedork @tannyfairy @maximizedrhythms @deadunicorn159 @xlittlefiend

[vivid-ink]

okay since ur req is open rn i have an idea and ofc i don’t mind waiting, take ur time w it! basically it’s a neteyam x reader angst + fluff (oblivious idiots + opposites attract trope) whereby reader is loak’s bestfriend, who also has a crush on neteyam but keeps it a secret bcs she thought neteyam sees her as another troublesome little sibling like loak but what she doesn’t know is that neteyam also has a crush on her but he thought she sees him only as loak’s boring and non adventurous older brother. idk how it should go from that but can you please PLEASE ends it w fluff 🙏 thank you in advance! feel free to change anything and take as much time as you’d need bby 💓

Thank you for your request anon! 😁 I got on to this a lot quicker than I thought as my ideas for it came to me & boy did it just flow! I thought it was going to be a quick drabble, but holy moly, how have I ended up with 11.3k words of angst, drama, romance & sweet, sweet fluff! I hope you love it, anon! And I hope everyone else enjoys it too!

"Your Best Friend's Brother"

Pairing: Neteyam x fem!Omatikaya Reader No warnings apply - Just a boat-load of angst, drama, protective & possessive Neteyam, romance & toe-curling fluff. Again, I personally do not like the use of 'Y/N' so your name in this is 'Kalia' (pronounced KAA-lee-yah). Language note - paskalin means 'sweet berry' and it's a term of endearment.

***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***

~~ Neteyam’s POV ~~

Neteyam trudged through the verdant underbrush of the woodlands following the sound of playful slapping and squealing in the distance where he was sure he would find you and Lo’ak. He rolled his eyes with a sigh, wondering what mischief and hazardous activities you would both be getting up to today. Fiddling with the string of his bow across his front, he readjusted his bow to sit more comfortably across his torso. The little leather pack that contained his carving implements and bow oil bounced lightly at his hip as he walked.

Granted, it was nice having days off from his warriors’ duties. Group hunts and patrols could be strenuous depending on the game being hunted and the distance travelled, so the days where he could just relax on home ground and let loose were appreciated. Until his parents foisted the responsibility of keeping Lo’ak out of trouble on him…

Lo’ak was only a year younger than him, but Neteyam often ruminated and marvelled at how his brother’s maturity level was still leagues behind his own. Of course, being the oldest child did force one to grow up a little too quickly, but at already seventeen years of age, one would think that Lo’ak would have a better compass and not such a huge proclivity for getting into trouble.

If Neteyam was honest, the only thing that made the days he had to babysit his brother bearable was you.

You and Lo’ak might as well be joined at the hip. The best of friends since you could both walk, everywhere Lo’ak went, you went with him. Every stupid little game or dangerous stunt Lo’ak pulled, you were right there beside him. You had always tagged along with Lo’ak and his other siblings. So, for the longest time, Neteyam had not thought much of the way things were and it had not bothered him; you and Lo’ak, the disruptive duo.

However, things had begun to shift ever so subtly for Neteyam as he grew older, as you all did, growing and maturing into young adults. The older he got, the more he noticed you. His body started to react and respond to you in a way that made him increasingly aware that he was a young man and you were a young woman.

Neteyam began to notice the way your beautiful braids brushed the small of your back. He began to notice the enticing way your slim waist flared out to the curve of your hips and your bottom; the soft rounds of your breasts behind your clothing…

It had hit him quite suddenly one evening and things had never been the same since.

*** FLASHBACK ***

“Kalia!” Neteyam heard Tuk cry gleefully. His little sister bounced through his family’s shelter to throw herself at you, uncaring of the thumping impact she made against your thighs. Your laugh was jovial as you bent to give Tuk a hug, expertly balancing the wooden platter you held in your other hand.

Neteyam watched as you greeted his parents politely at the threshold, stepping into the space only when his mother welcomed you in with a wave of her hand. Neytiri embraced you affectionately and returned your greeting, “Oel ngati kameie, Kalia. Come in. What wonderful food have you brought to spoil us with today?”

The wooden platter held two mounds, one much bigger than the other, both wrapped in cooking cloth. You gently set the platter down in the centre of the space where the food mats were, “Mother and I have been practising making tumpasuk (red-orange berry) sweet bread. This batch was quite successful so we thought we’d share.”

“Ah, you know your cooking is always welcome in my household.” Jake sniggered, patting his belly enthusiastically.

Reaching back towards the platter, you picked up the smaller wrapped mound of bread and rose to your feet. Neteyam saw you scan the vicinity and his heart gave an involuntary skip when your vivid green eyes eventually landed on him and your gazes locked. A small smile played across your lips and he was suddenly drawn to how succulent they looked, a thought that made his ears heat in embarrassment.

You made your way towards him and Neteyam had to make a conscious effort to close his mouth and school his expression into one of nonchalance, lest his face betray the sensual thoughts that his brain had begun to annotate about you as you approached. You had grown very pretty in recent years and despite the nuisance that you and Lo’ak always presented, Neteyam realised that you had always been a very sweet girl. A very sweet, very pretty girl.

“Hey Neteyam,” Your voice was a tender lilt in his ears and he lifted his hands to receive the small mound as you held the sweet treat out to him in both of yours, “This one is for you.”

Neteyam swallowed tightly, hoping the heat in his cheeks and ears were not colouring his skin too obviously, “Thanks, Kalia. I’m sure it’ll taste amazing, as always.”

The soft peal of your giggling tickled his ears then and Neteyam had to resist the urge to reach out and stroke your cheek. Your cyan skin looked so smooth and he was willing to bet that it would be warm and silken beneath his fingertips. The little points of your canines peaked out endearingly from behind your upper lip as you grinned and Neteyam’s nose was suddenly perceptive of an alluring scent that he knew was not the sweetbread in his hands.

“I put more dried tumpasuk berries in yours, as well a little extra rock sugar. I know you like yours sweeter.” You murmured quietly to him.

Neteyam returned your smile, silently allowing himself to bask in the feeling of being looked after specially by you. “I do, you’re right. Thanks again.”

“Hey!” Lo’ak’s voice grated from off to the side, “Why does Neteyam always get his own special treat? I thought I was your best friend!”

“You are, which is why it’s you and I that always get up to no good together.” You agreed heartily, “But your poor brother is the one who has to put up with our shit, so I figured we better thank him?”

Neteyam’s heart sank a little. Oh, was that why he always got his own treat? You were just thanking him as Lo’ak’s babysitter big brother. He suddenly felt a lot less special than he did a few moments ago…

*** FLASHBACK END ***

That had been just over a year ago and ever since then, Neteyam had grown more and more critical of your friendship with Lo’ak. Your spirited friendship with his brother seemed more at odds now to him than it ever had before. You had matured into a young woman who appeared to have her head screwed on the right way, kind-hearted and generous with good instincts. Yet all of this seemed to vaporise into thin air the moment you were around Lo’ak.

Neteyam did not understand why you persisted on accompanying his brother on his silly little escapades, playing stupid games like seeing who could pinch and punch the other the hardest. By Eywa, Neteyam had wanted to punch Lo’ak the day he had seen the bruises and marks he had left on your shoulders and arms. The thought of someone intentionally causing you pain and marring your beautiful skin made his blood boil, even though he knew that you had willingly participated in the ridiculous exercise.

But most of all, Neteyam hated the way Lo’ak’s recklessness endangered you.

Not that this meant he cared any less for Lo’ak’s safety than yours. He loved his brother and all his other siblings immensely and there was a natural desire on his part to keep them all safe. However, his impulse to protect you felt different. It was not rooted in the same place of familial love and affection he felt for his siblings. Instead, the strong urge he felt to protect you rather stemmed from his attraction to you as a male was to a female he was interested in.

If Neteyam had his way, you would never go on another irresponsible adventure with Lo’ak ever again. And this put him at odds with his brother. However, he acknowledged that getting in the way of your friendship would be wrong and he knew it would sour things overall for all three of you.

Neteyam had to find a way to curb this newfound possessiveness that he felt for you. You were not his and he was nothing more to you than your best friend’s older brother. His role was to keep an eye on Lo’ak; keep Lo’ak out of trouble and he would keep you out of trouble by default. Simple as that. Nothing more.

Your squeals and peals of laughter became clearer as Neteyam rounded the corner of a lush coppice into a glade of fyìpmaut (squid fruit) trees. Sure enough, as expected, there were you and Lo’ak, chasing each other round the glade with bits of squashed fruit in your fists, stained almost from head to toe in bright pink squid fruit residue.

Perhaps this was a good time to tell you both that fyìpmaut fruit juice stained almost permanently on whatever it came into contact with…

~~ Your POV ~~

“Lo’ak, you sucker!” You yelled out, darting out of the way as Lo’ak attempted to grab hold of you to smear you further with squid fruit, “I’ve got way more fruit on you than you have on me!”

“Yeah? Well I beat you earlier at seed-spitting, so we’re even.”

The glade of squid fruit trees were in high season currently, the trees around you bursting with bright purple fruit. The fruit hung in bunches, much like utumauti (banana fruit). Each piece of fruit was like a long, squidgy antenna, full of magenta coloured flesh that had five or six stony seeds in them.

Fresh from your run through the woodlands earlier with rumbling stomachs, it had been Lo’ak’s idea to stop and feast on your find. What had begun as a sweet and innocent snack-stop had soon turned playful when Lo’ak had challenged you to see who could spit the seeds the furthest. Seeds were spat, a winner was crowned and then you, against your better judgement, had decided to hurl a handful of pulverised fruit at him. War then ensued, which led you both to the present moment, sticky, breathless and dyed bright pink.

Lo’ak flung another piece of squashed fruit at you, which you only just managed to duck out of the way of, laughing, “Ok, alright! Truce?”

Your best friend snorted at the sight of you, “You’ve got it all up in your hair. You’re going to have to scrub your braids out and re-do them all!”

You launched yourself at Lo’ak, tackling him to the ground in a jumble of mock hisses and snarls, before a familiar voice plucked you both out of your tussle.

“Mum is going to twist your ears so hard they’ll fall off, Lo’ak.”

Startled, you shot to your feet at Neteyam’s voice. Self-consciousness overwhelmed you and you avoided meeting his gaze. Great Mother, you must look a mess… Did Lo’ak just say you had fruit in your hair?... You began a futile attempt to clean up by swiping at the bits of fruit on your arms and legs, trying to flick and rub the tacky mess from your skin and clothing.

“Ah, here comes the killjoy. Why is Mum going to twist my ears, bro?” Lo’ak queried, joining you at your side, following your lead and partaking in a fruitless attempt to clean up.

Neteyam’s toned legs came into your downcast view as he stepped up to the pair of you, and you instinctively looked up to acknowledge him. Your saliva dried up in your mouth as it always did when you laid eyes on him. Your quiet crush on him was getting rather out of hand in the confines of your own consciousness. You would never admit to all the times you had daydreamed girlishly of Neteyam, of all the things a girl wanted a boy she liked to do to her; holding his hand; a slow dance in the fading light of a dying bonfire; a kiss…

You had never admitted your feelings to anyone and especially not to Lo’ak. He would never let you live it down, crushing on his older brother. Though you knew Lo’ak had his suspicions about the way you felt.

Lo’ak thought his older brother was a dull and uninspiring killjoy, but if you were honest, you found that Neteyam’s maturity only added to the already large number of reasons you found him attractive. He was gentle, thoughtful, extremely loyal to those he cared about and one of the most skilled warriors the Omatikaya had ever seen. And he was very handsome… compassionate, intellectual, with a lovely deep voice… Your list went on.

“Squid fruit juice stains.” Neteyam stated matter-of-factly, “It’s going to take a lot of scrubbing to get it off your skin. As for your clothing, the stains will never wash out of cloth. These clothes you’re wearing are ruined, both of you.”

You heard Lo’ak bite back a curse as he fiddled with the fabric of his loincloth. It had been a lovely moss green before, but thanks to the addition of the squid fruit juice, it was now a rather unappealing shade of splotchy browns. You sighed, looking at your own ruined chest covering and loincloth. Your clothing had been a shade of lilac and while the magenta-coloured fruit juice did not contrast quite as jarringly against the fabric of your clothing as it did on Lo’ak’s, the stains were still clearly stains. There was no way the splodges would ever pass for artistic embellishment.

“At least, we didn’t get up to any dangerous shit today.” Lo’ak mused, elbowing Neteyam who sprang away lightly from his juice-covered brother with a chuckle.

“Good. We don’t need a repeat of the rock slide incident from the other week.” Neteyam cautioned, pursing his lips, “You could have both gotten really hurt from that.”

“Eh, it was fine. Kalia rolled out of the way in the end, didn’t you?” Lo’ak slapped you heavy-handedly on the back and you winced slightly in pain.

“It was a very close shave. And watch your strength, bro. Don’t be so rough with her.” The rebuke from Neteyam was delivered in an even tone, but there was an authority behind it that made Lo’ak roll his eyes.

“We should probably go and wash as best as we can before heading home.” You exhaled, feeling the stick of the fruit juice between your fingers, “The juice is starting to dry and it’s getting itchy.”

Neteyam was eyeing you up and down with an insouciant expression that betrayed very little of what he might be thinking and feeling in that moment. You were used to this. Neteyam very rarely displayed strong emotion or had dramatic reactions. He was always calm and collected. If Lo’ak was a jaunty and splashing stream, Neteyam was a deep and tranquil lake.

However, his intent gaze only fired the coals of your self-consciousness and you began to pick worriedly through the soiled braids of your hair. You realised then that there were small, drying bits of fruit still clinging to the backs of your fingers, and you stuck your fingers into your mouth one by one, trying to the best of your efforts to suck them clean.

You heard Neteyam suck in a deep breath through his nose and he spun away from you, beginning to amble back the way he came, “There’s a split in the stream farther back where you can both wash. Come on, we want to get back before eclipse.”

Heat flushed your face and ears and you swallowed the lump of shame in your throat. You probably looked absolutely feral, covered in gummy fruit bits and your hair all dishevelled. What girl ever wanted the boy she had a crush on to see her like this? You cursed your short-sightedness. You had known today was Neteyam’s day off and that you would likely see him.

You took a lot of pride in your appearance usually. Your mother always ensured your braids were impeccably done and you had an array of jewellery and clothing that you enjoyed picking through, deciding what you wanted to wear from day to day. Part of the reason was because you enjoyed being well put together, and the other reason was that you wanted to look good for your best friend’s older brother.

Following Lo’ak and Neteyam as they began their walk back to the stream, you mentally chastised yourself. Neteyam probably thought of you as a second nuisance. He already had Lo’ak to contend with from day to day and there you always were, getting into messy situations right along with him. You knew it did not make you look good, but you loved hanging out with Lo’ak. He was your dearest friend and he made you laugh with all his folly.

Reaching the split in the stream, Neteyam nodded towards one side, “Lo’ak and I will take this side. You can wash on the other. We’ll all meet back here when we’re done.”

“OK, got it.” You nodded in understanding.

“Kalia?”

You turned to face Neteyam at the sound of your name, your ears twitching curiously as you wondered why he had called out again.

Neteyam shot you a toothy grin and he chuckled, clearly tickled by something, “Make sure you wash your face really well. You’ve still got squid fruit pieces on your nose and forehead.”

Mortified, your hands flew to your face and sure enough, your fingers met something stodgy in the centre of your forehead. Cursing under your breath you turned on heel and strode for the stream on your side, secretly enjoying the sound of Neteyam’s husky laughter even though it made your cheeks burn in embarrassment.

Wading into the stream, you stopped once the cool water pooled around your hips, not wanting to go any deeper. You had never been comfortable in deep or rushing water. From childhood, you had always had an irrational fear of water. All attempts to teach you to swim had failed, as a result. You could tread water at best, but that could not be considered proper swimming. No matter, you had never held any desire to join the fisherfolk in their work hunting fish and gathering other river prey anyway.

Reaching to draw a cupful of water in your hands, you splashed yourself all over to moisten your skin. You began your arduous process of intently cleaning the fruit stains from your skin, knowing that this was the easy part. Washing your hair would be an even bigger task. You cleaned gently around a bad scrape on your left elbow, careful not to dislodge the healing scab that had formed there.

In the repetitive monotony of splashing, scrubbing and dunking, it was easy for your thoughts to drift back to that fateful day a few weeks ago when you earned that scrape. You had acquired several other grazes and cuts on your thighs and knees that same day too. It was also one of the few days you had ever seen Neteyam abandon his usually measured and composed demeanour in a rare display of emotion…

*** FLASHBACK ***

“I’ve got more rocks than you do.” You teased in a sing-song voice as you watched Lo’ak eye the broken cliff face before you, trying to decide which piece of rock he wanted to dislodge next.

“Yeah, but the rocks in my pile are bigger.” Lo’ak countered, “They’re riskier moves than the tiny little pebbles you’ve picked off.”

It was a dicey game you were playing, and once again it was all Lo’ak’s idea. There was an overhanging arch on the damaged cliff face that stood before you and the aim was to take turns dislodging as many rocks as possible before the overhang crumbled down.

“I thought that the person with the most rocks when the overhang crumbles, wins? Not the person with the biggest rocks.”

Sticking his tongue out at you, Lo’ak picked another hefty looking stone and set his foot on it, attempting to dislodge it with his body’s weight, “Nah, I’ve changed the rules. Person with the most amount of big rocks wins.”

Several smaller stones crumbled from the overhang, smacking and rolling loudly onto the ground in a precarious song of warning at the danger they were trifling with.

“That’s so unfair, you skxawng!” You whined peevishly, “You can’t change the rules partway through the game! Stop being a dick.”

“How about the both of you just stop entirely?” Neteyam’s voice called out as he appeared at the treeline. He had left the two of you for a bit to go down to the river to refill all your waterskins, and look what mischief you had both managed to get up to in that short span of time.

Lo’ak threw his arms up in the air, exasperated, “Nah, don’t ruin the fun, Neteyam. I’ve almost won anyway!”

“Are you kidding me, bro?” Neteyam exclaimed, aghast as he looked from his brother to you and then to your respective piles of rock, “Stop right now. That overhang is going to fall at any moment and it’s dangerous. Get away from there.”

“That’s the whole point, bro! We’re trying to see who can dislodge the most rocks before it crumbles.”

“Is it the most rocks or the biggest rocks?! You keep changing it!” You squealed in frustration. Both you and Lo’ak had strong competitive streaks, and neither of you liked losing.

Sensing your genuine upset, Lo’ak acquiesced and proposed a final tie-break challenge, “Alright, alright! How about this? You see that big rock over by you and this big one here by me? Whoever dislodges it first wins the whole game, once and for all. Never mind our piles.”

“No, no way. Stop it, both of you. We’re leaving now!” Neteyam hissed gravely.

However, neither you nor Lo’ak were paying him any attention. Narrowing your eyes at your best friend, you considered his proposal. You looked at the size of the rock Lo’ak had picked out for you, noted its position and then looked over at the rock he had assigned himself. Yours appeared to be in a better position. It was not wedged in as tightly to the cliff face as his was. You reckoned you could do it.

“Deal.” You called out to Lo’ak, who hooted in triumph despite Neteyam’s snarl of vexation at his side.

Both of you got stuck in immediately, feet and hands all intent on dislodging your respective rocks. Yours wobbled in its spot and you barked out a laugh of impending victory.

Several small rocks fell from overhead then and a thunderous crash echoed from above. What happened next happened so quickly that you were unsure if it had been your rock or Lo’ak’s that had caused the aftermath. The overhang disintegrated in a flash and a slew of mud and jagged rocks came pouring at speed over the edge where the overhang had been.

A cry of surprise left you and you stumbled backwards, tripping and falling painfully onto your side. Instinctively you rolled away from the surge of the rock slide and curled into foetal position, hands and arms over your head with your knees pressed to your chest.

The deafening roar of the rock slide dissipated, leaving a swirling cloud of dust and debris. Its gritty and granular texture stung your nose and you thought you could feel the grainy scratch of the tainted air all the way down your windpipe and into your lungs as you coughed violently.

Slowly uncurling your form, you tested your joints in small movements. You were scratched and scraped, but nothing felt broken or seriously injured. You could faintly make out Lo’ak and Neteyam’s worried voices as they called out to you, and you responded through a tickly throat, “I’m here! I’m OK!”

The rock slide was massive. It had divided you and separated you from the boys where you all stood in a raised wall of rock and mud. Thankfully you were out in the open and so you were not trapped. You just had to climb over the wreckage to get back to the other side.

You saw the rocks at the uppermost part of the wreckage shift and Neteyam’s head poked over the peak, closely followed by Lo’ak who cried, “Oh, shit! Kalia!”

The pair of brothers climbed gingerly over the apex of the wreckage, sliding downward on the slope towards you.

Neteyam reached you first though and you were gradually helped to your feet by his strong and firm hands. His eyes were wide and his breaths rushed from him in harsh pants while he checked you over. He circled you, gently lifting your arms as he went around, looking for any sign of serious injury. He crouched down then to look at the grazes on your legs.

You were a little shaken by the scare of the rock slide, but you were fine and you patted Neteyam’s hands where they clutched at your hips, his eyes focused on a graze along your thigh, “I’m fine, Neteyam. Nothing is broken. They’re only skin wounds.”

His eyes locked with yours for a few moments and they blazed with fury in their golden depths. He rose to his feet and you were prepared for him to berate you, but he swivelled around to Lo’ak instead and unleashed his ire, “You fucking moron! What were you thinking? No, I’ll tell you what, you weren’t thinking! This could have ended so much worse than it has! You should know better than this!”

Lo’ak shrivelled under his brother’s wrath and Neteyam returned his livid eyes to you, “You should know better. Both of you!”

Neteyam was almost vibrating with his rage. His nose was wrinkled and his upper lip was curled back in a snarl. You shrank at the sight, your shame consuming you as his words sunk in. He was right; you and Lo’ak had been extremely reckless.

Frankly, you were lucky to have escaped with your lives.

*** FLASHBACK END ***

That was another thing that you discovered you adored about Neteyam. He forgave easily and he never held a grudge.

You smiled to yourself at the thought. Neteyam had been angry for all of ten minutes at most, before he reverted to his usual caring and concerned self. You appreciated his kindly nature for what it was. Lo’ak, on the other hand, enjoyed pushing people’s buttons and you knew he took his brother’s forgiving nature for granted by always testing his boundaries.

The true blue of your own skin stared back at you as you surveyed your torso and your limbs. Your face felt fresh and your hair, though sopping wet, no longer felt tacky. Satisfied with your scrubbing efforts, you waded back to the mossy bank of the stream where your clothing lay. You had tried to wash those too, but no amount of scouring and wringing had freed the stains from the cloth.

Dressing quickly, you met the boys back at the agreed spot.

Lo’ak’s skin still looked purple in places and his jaw dropped at the squeaky-clean sight of you, “How’d you get all of it off you like that?”

You gloated a little at your job well done and smirked at him, “Good and proper scrubbing. Something you’d know nothing about. If you did, you’d smell better in general too.”

The comment elicited an offended gasp from Lo’ak and a hearty laugh from Neteyam who, despite having not partaken in their juicy fruit war, had also taken the opportunity to bathe.

“I don’t smell bad!” Lo’ak protested, chest puffing with indignance.

You laughed and teased your friend further, “No, you don’t smell bad, but you don’t smell good either.”

Neteyam stepped up to you then and your breath hitched on your next inhale. You hoped he had not noticed. Unlike his brother, Neteyam smelled very good to you. He scent was a clean musk like fresh forest greenery with a tinge of something spicy underneath.

“You did a good job scrubbing, but you missed a spot.” The rich depth of Neteyam’s voice swept over you like a warm caress and you held your breath like you had somehow lost the ability to respire like a normal person. You saw him reach out with a hand and then his thumb swiped slowly and deliberately at something high on your forehead near your hairline.

His hand pulled away and you registered a small pink glob of squid fruit on his thumb just as said thumb disappeared into his mouth to suck the digit clean. Neteyam’s intense gaze never left yours as he pulled his thumb unhurriedly from between his lips. A delightful shiver raced down your spine, and your girlish daydreams churned their way to the forefront of your mind when you saw his tongue dart out to lick his lips one last time.

Neteyam turned then to lead the trio of you away back towards home and you vaguely registered your numb and tingling legs following suit alongside Lo’ak.

A revolted groan sounded from Lo’ak and it pulled you back to reality from the daydream you had been immersed in. Your head pivoted to meet his face, which was contorted into a disgusted moue, “What is it, Lo’ak?”

“Stop eyeing up my brother’s ass.”

Your mouth dropped open in shock. Truthfully, you had been admiring Neteyam’s rear, but you were not about to admit that. Scrambling for cover and trying to worm your way out of the hole you had found yourself in, you stuttered, “I wasn’t! I was looking at his- umm, at his-”

“Ass.” Lo’ak supplied again, deadpan.

“No!” You hissed under your breath. Neteyam was walking a little way ahead of the both of you, but you were careful to keep your volume down. “I was looking at his tail!”

A sarcastic scoff was your best friend’s response and he eyed you calculatingly, his expression dripping with his disbelief, “Because tails are so interesting. Come on, Kalia, don’t lie to me. I know you find my brother attractive. I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

Stubborn and resolute in your plan not to admit the truth, you shook your head, “Nope.”

Lo’ak laughed, the stray beaded braid that wasn’t tucked behind his ear swinging charmingly with the movements of his head, “Oh, so I suppose you just look at everyone like that? All moony-eyed? Hell, do you look at my ass like that when I’m not looking?”

“Eww! No! Gross!”

What ensued was a series of pinches, slaps and squeals as you squabbled. Neteyam halted in his tracks and he turned to see what all the commotion was about with a questioning look on his face.

Unable to resist the opportunity for another jibe at you, Lo’ak called out to him, “Oi, turn back around bro. You’re ruining the view.”

You felt the blood rush to your face and ears and you knew instantly that you were flushing a deep shade of violet. You slapped the back of Lo’ak’s thigh hard and satisfaction bloomed within you when he gave a pained yowl in reaction to it.

~~ Neteyam’s POV ~~

Seeing that you were both just bickering again as you often were, Neteyam gave a weary shake of his head and resumed walking. He had missed the meaning of Lo’ak’s cryptic comment, but he had not missed the deep blush staining its way across your smooth cheeks. He smiled to himself. You looked so beautiful when you blushed.

The bright pink of the squid fruit juice against your blue skin earlier had also coloured your complexion a lovely purple hue and it had reminded him very much of your blushing skin. The fruit juice had been smeared all over you; in your hair, on your face, your neck, your chest… And you had looked like a mouth-watering mess to him.

Neteyam felt saliva pool in his cheeks at the memory. By Eywa, he had wanted to clean your skin off himself with his own mouth and tongue. He had wanted to kiss you and taste the sweetness of the squid fruit on your plump lips. He had wanted to lick the gummy bits of fruit from your slender fingers and trail his tongue over every stained part of you until you were clean.

When you had sucked your own fingers into your mouth in the next moment, his thoughts had darkened even further. The sight of your succulent lips wrapped around your fingertips had been incredibly arousing, and he had forced himself to turn away when the next image his very male brain had supplied was of your sweet lips wrapped around something else of his.

He halted his thoughts immediately at the recollection. This had to stop. He had to find a way to distract himself from hankering after you. You were his baby brother’s best friend, for goodness sake.

A feeling of futility swamped Neteyam when the next remark his brain supplied in response to his previous statement was ‘so what?’

***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***

A few months later

Neteyam sat leaning against the softer, peeling bark of kelutral (Hometree) on one of the upper boughs. He had returned from the day’s patrol not long ago and the soft light of partial eclipse streamed in dappled rays from the leafy canopy above.

Polishing the wood of his bow was one of the few things he found therapeutic in life. It was a mundane task and repetitive in nature, but it relaxed him and gave him time to just think and be. The slightly, nutty scent of the bow oil he was using was also a comforting smell that reminded him of who he was (a mighty warrior, firstborn son of the olo’eyktan) and it grounded him in those facts.

A much more saccharine scent tinged the air around him then and Neteyam’s ears twitched, alerted to the approach of someone from the branches below him. A loaf-shaped parcel, smelling absolutely delicious and wrapped in cooking cloth was carefully placed next to his thigh and he smiled, “Hey Kalia.”

Shifting to peer downward over the edge of his seat, Neteyam met your lovely green eyes which glimmered currently with something he could not decipher in their depths.

You grinned toothily at him and your tone was earnest, “Are you busy? I don’t want to impose.”

“Nah, I’m just chilling.” Neteyam replied, patting the space next to him and watching with a genial smile as you eagerly hopped up to join him at his invitation. He picked the loaf-shaped gift up and cocked his head at you, “What’s this for? It’s your birthday tomorrow, not mine. Why are you giving me a treat?”

Your teeth nibbled at your lower lip and you turned beseeching eyes at him, “I know you like utumauti cake so I set some aside for you from the batch I made this morning. I need your help.”

“Ahh, so this is bribery, is it?” Neteyam taunted mildly, regarding you through narrowed eyes.

“Well, kind of, but not really. I would have saved you some cake anyway even if I didn’t have a favour to ask.”

“I’m just teasing you.” Neteyam’s chuckle was warm, “You know you don’t have to bribe me to help you out. What do you need?”

Tender affection swelled in his chest as he watched you beam at him in excitement at what you were about to ask. Neteyam realised in that moment that he would do just about anything to see you smile, to make you happy. He enjoyed your cooking and the little treats you left him, but they were unnecessary. You had an unlimited supply of favours from him, as far as he was concerned.

You were almost bouncing next to him with your delight as you spoke, “The river trout are migrating currently and I want to see them tonight down at fkewkxor (mighty waterfall). My parents said I could go, but only if you came with me.”

The annual river trout migration passed through Omatikaya territory each year as they swam downstream through the nearby river. The migration was a stunning vision after eclipse at the falls, the bioluminescence of the masses of trout rippling in a multihued display as they made their journey down towards and over the falls before carrying on their way.

Neteyam’s agreement fell easily from his lips. He was more than happy to accompany you tonight, “Sure. Of course I’ll come with you.” However, before his imagination could begin to conjure up delightful little fantasies of how he would spend his time alone with you this evening, a maddeningly familiar voice called from below.

“Did he say yes? Can we go tonight?” Lo’ak.

Irritation flared through him and Neteyam almost sagged in disappointment. He was conscious of keeping his expression cool though. Of course Lo’ak would be coming. He was your best friend. But you both needed a chaperone to go out after eclipse and that was where he fit into the picture. It seemed you had picked up on his annoyance anyway and you wrinkled your nose sheepishly at him, eyes beseeching.

With a long-suffering sigh, Neteyam called down to his brother, “Yes, I’ll take you both tonight! I’ll meet you at the ikran rookery after last meal and we’ll go then.”

You let out a gleeful squeal and pumped your fist into the air, and Neteyam could not help the grin that wormed its way across his cheeks at your elation. You were thanking him profusely and were just about to slip off the bough to leave him to his peace, when he took your hand to get your attention. The little gasp of surprise you emitted was endearing.

Neteyam squeezed your hand gently, his thumb rubbing in fond strokes across your knuckles, “Only because it’s your birthday tomorrow.”

He released your hand and you thanked him one more time with an appreciative smile, “Thanks, Neteyam. It means a lot. I hope you like the cake.”

***~~~***

~~ Your POV ~~

The spectacle was breathtaking. The swell of the frothing rapids at the mouth of the waterfall was a foamy contrast against the rippling flashes of bioluminescent colour from the trout beneath the surface. You could not make out the individual fish, but the polychromatic mass of them made it look like the water was alive with colour. The entire waterfall glowed in the darkness of eclipse and you could hardly believe your eyes at what you were seeing.

Neteyam had led the three of you to an enormous tree that grew almost right by the mouth of the waterfall. The tree’s boughs and branches extended and hung out over the waterfall itself, making it a prime viewing spot. Your cheeks hurt at how wide you were smiling and even Neteyam seemed just as enamoured by the vision where he stood next to you.

The trout migration was a beautiful sight, but Neteyam was beautiful too.

Neteyam was entirely focused on the spectacle before him and it gave you a perfect opportunity to stare. You knew staring was rude, but only if you were caught, right?

In the low light of eclipse, his skin almost appeared a richer shade of blue, his darker stripes a complementary cobalt against his cyan skin. The bioluminescent tanhì (freckles) on his face sparkled bright like stars in the night sky like his own unique set of constellations. Your eyes tracked his tanhì on their journey down his striking form; over his shoulder, down his well-muscled chest and abdomen; down to his hip and toned thighs…

“I thought you wanted to come here to watch the trout.”

Your head snapped up to Neteyam’s face and you found him watching you, watching him. Mortification shot through you at being caught, and your brain was blank and useless in that moment, completely unhelpful at finding something to say. You must have looked very much like a trout then with your wide, unblinking eyes, your mouth opening and closing wordlessly…

Neteyam was still watching you intently, but there was a hint of something in his eyes, something you had not seen before; something playful and hot and utterly male. It made your skin prickle with a delicious heat and made flutters burst in your stomach.

You broke the eye contact, embarrassed, and your words finally returned to you again though they were not exactly coherent, “I did! I do- I am- It’s just- Just thank you.”

You chanced a glance at him again and a corner of his lips quirked upward. Neteyam dipped his head downward, his chin lowering, but his eyes never left yours as he watched you. You shivered at the look. He looked like a hunter about to capture his prey…

“Holy shit! You have to come up here. The view is amazing and there are no lower branches in the way of your eyeline.” Lo’ak exclaimed from several branches up, “Come on, guys!”

Excited, you climbed your way up to meet him with Neteyam following close behind.

The branch Lo’ak stood on was a younger branch near the top of the tree’s canopy. It was not as thick and impervious as the older boughs lower down, but it appeared to be holding Lo’ak’s weight just fine. You hopped nimbly up onto it and began gingerly making your way down it towards Lo’ak who had his hand waiting outstretched for you. The branch bowed ever so slightly and it swayed under your feet as it adjusted to your added weight. You halted your steps.

Neteyam’s voice was a low warning from behind you where he remained next to the tree’s trunk, “This branch isn’t going to hold you both. Come back this way Kalia.”

Lo’ak, as usual, held a conflicting opinion, “Aww man, don’t worry bro, yes it will. It’s a little bendy, that’s all.”

You looked between the two brothers who both had one hand stretched out to you now as you stood in the middle. Neteyam was shaking his head in a reiteration of his point, his golden eyes fierce, impelling you to return to safety. Lo’ak’s expression was nonchalant, his eyebrows raised awaiting your approach.

In the end it was Lo’ak’s next words that sealed the deal, “Come on, Kalia, don’t be a wuss.”

You never backed down from a challenge, especially not from Lo’ak. You were not a wuss and so you turned towards him and took the several steps required the rest of the way to grasp his hand.

The branch pitched downward with a little wobble under your combined weight, but it held.

A triumphant ululation trilled from Lo’ak and he laughed, “See? I told you it’d be fine.”

You breathed out a quiet ‘wow’ as the new vantage point afforded you a clear and unimpeded view of the entire waterfall in all its phantastic glory, just as Lo’ak had said. However the branch you were on was not wide enough for both of you stand side by side, and it was a little awkward peering from around his shoulder.

Seeing your position, Lo’ak looked up at the branch above him and he grinned at you, “Here, I’ll hop out of the way so you can see better.”

The next few moments passed in a sluggish blur for you, almost as if time had slowed to a snail’s pace. The last thing you heard was Neteyam’s panicked cry of, “Lo’ak, no!”, before Lo’ak sprang upward from in front of you, reaching for the branch above to pull himself up and out of the way.

The sickening crunch of wood splintering followed as the force of Lo’ak’s well-meaning spring shattered the weight limits of the branch beneath you. Abruptly, your feet were no longer grounded as you saw the broken branch fall away. Gravity sank its sharp talons into you and then you were plummeting too towards the majestic but treacherous waters that lay in wait below.

The last thing you felt was your breath tearing from your squeezing lungs and forcing its way up your throat in a choking scream.

~~ Neteyam’s POV ~~

The piercing sound of your terrified scream echoed through the woods and Neteyam watched, petrified, as your frame was swallowed by the thunderous falls.

“Fuck, KALIA!” Lo’ak’s own screech was hoarse as he pulled himself up all the way onto the branch above. He appeared a hair’s breadth away from diving in after you when Neteyam stopped him.

He was not about to let his brother risk his own life any further, but Neteyam held no such reservations about himself, “No, Lo’ak! Stay here, you skxawng! Call for help if we don’t surface!”

It was a perilous endeavour, but what choice did he have? There was no time to waste thinking. You were down there and he needed to get to you. With his heart galloping in his chest and his heart whispering prayer after prayer to Eywa to keep you alive, Neteyam leapt from the broken stump of a branch and into the raging falls after you.

Tucking his head as his body speared into a downward dive, Neteyam felt the force of thundering water hit him before he was submerged under the surface. All around him were roiling bubbles and scattering trout as they endeavoured to avoid the foreign creature that had just invaded their environment. There was no sense of direction; he had no idea which way was up and which way was down. Neteyam felt trapped in the never-ending churn of the water, but he reached and pulled against the water with his arms and kicked out with his legs nevertheless.

Neteyam’s sole concern was you. Great Mother, he had promised to keep you safe…

You had only been allowed to go out tonight because you were under his watch; you had been entrusted into his care. His thoughts were frantic… Please Eywa, help me… help her! Help me reach her!

Neteyam realised the trout around him were upright and swimming in the same direction, which was a good sign. It meant he was the right way up. Having regained his sense of direction, he doubled down on his focus. He could not see any sign of you beneath the water, though it was difficult looking through shoals of trout. Reaching the river’s bottom, Neteyam kicked off it and propelled himself towards the surface for a breath of air.

Breaching the surface, Neteyam’s head spun around looking for you. Nothing. He dove under again, continuing his search. All he could see was trout and his chest was tight with frustration and desperation. Please, Great Mother, please!

Something small and black drifted past his eyeline in a furry tuft amidst the writhing bodies of trout... Your tail! It was the tuft of your tail! With renewed vigour, Neteyam swam towards it with all his might, his hands reaching out until he could grasp it. The trout parted as he pulled your unmoving form towards him. His emotions were a contradiction in that moment. He was relieved that he had found you, but alarmed to see that you were unconscious.

Wrapping his arms around your waist, Neteyam kicked his legs, hauling you up to the surface.

Neteyam jostled your body roughly in an attempt to wake you when your face broke the waterline. He coughed, his frenetic words leaving him in wet gurgles as he cried out, “Kalia, wake up! Can you hear me? Breathe! Kalia!” You remained unresponsive; your chest unmoving as you drew no breaths.

The water was calmer here now as he floated downstream with you. Turning onto his back to keep you atop him, he frog-kicked towards the riverbank and thanked Eywa when he could finally touch the riverbed with his feet. Swimming back far enough until it was shallow enough for him to stand, Neteyam righted you in his arms, hooking one arm under your knees and the other around your shoulders so he could carry you ashore.

Delicately positioning you on your back on the muddy bank, Neteyam’s fingers flew to the crook of your neck where it met your jaw, probing desperately for a pulse. Nothing. Pure, undiluted panic shot through him. Placing his hands on your chest like he had been taught, he knelt alongside you and started chest compressions.

“Come on, Kalia!” Neteyam urged, “Come back to me, paskalin!”

Thirty compressions later, he pinched your nose, tilted your head back and sealed his mouth over yours. He gave you two breaths, feeling your chest rise slightly with each one. He checked again for a pulse.

Still nothing.

With a wild curse, Neteyam restarted chest compressions. He knew this was your only chance at survival and yet he was so afraid that he would break your sternum with the force of his compressions. Sixteen or seventeen compressions in, your shoulders and chest punched outward and your body gave a violent wretch. River water spewed from your mouth and you took a ragged but blessed breath in. A fit of wet coughs wracked you as your body ejected some more of the water from your saturated lungs.

A startled cry of relief left Neteyam and he propped you upright in his arms, pressing a kiss into the crown of your head, “Thank you, Great Mother! Keep breathing, paskalin. That’s it! That’s good.”

He cupped your cheek, forcing your gaze to focus on him. Your eyes were wild with disorientation and fear, and Neteyam clutched you to his chest as you began to cry bitterly. The sound of your crying was heart-wrenching, but it was welcome proof to him that you were alive.

Your drenched body quaked in his arms from the chill of the river water and Neteyam let out several trills and ululations, calling for his ikran. He needed to get you back to his grandmother. Quickly.

***~~~***

~~ Neteyam’s POV ~~

To say that Neteyam was angry with Lo’ak was a vast understatement. He was absolutely livid with his brother.

He and Lo’ak had fought countless times in their lives. It was the way of things when you grew up as brothers whose personalities were at such odds with each other. Countless disagreements and countless rebukes, but Neteyam had always been eloquent, even in his ire. He had always known how to scold Lo’ak; had always known what words to use to chastise him. But tonight had clearly been one step too far.

Tonight, Neteyam knew he was beyond angry because for the first time in their lives, he had no words. He had been silent ever since he had returned to kelutral with you in his arms several hours ago.

Lo’ak had taken full responsibility and had owned up to his reckless behaviour. Both their own family and yours had been horrified by the events of the evening as he had recounted the truth to them. Lo’ak’s immense contrition had manifested itself all night as repeated apologies to whoever would listen.

His grandmother had thoroughly checked you over when he had arrived home with you. You had sustained several shallow gashes to the skin of your back where you must have hit the rocks at the bottom of the waterfall. You had aspirated river water and there would still be excess fluid in your lungs despite you having coughed most of it up. Mo’at had prescribed bedrest and careful monitoring of you for the next several days in hope that you would not develop a lung infection.

It was astonishing how the axis of Neteyam’s entire world had shifted in the space of one evening. He had vowed to himself a few moons ago that he would find a way to stop his growing feelings for you. He had done this partially out of respect for your close friendship with Lo’ak and also because he was convinced you did not see him the same way.

But he had nearly lost you tonight. And there was nothing in life that gave a person quite the same clarity of perspective than the threat of imminent death.

So what, if you were his baby brother’s best friend? Tonight had taught Neteyam that life was too short not to go after what he wanted.

Neteyam kept silent vigil in the healers’ hut where you were now asleep again. He had not left your side so far. Part of him needed to see you, to hear you breathing to assuage the deep-seated apprehension in his soul that you might somehow stop breathing again. And what if no one was there to notice?

Out of the corner of his eye, Neteyam saw Lo’ak get up from his spot a little further away to come and sit by him again. Neteyam ground his jaw together so hard that his teeth started to hurt.

“Say something, bro.” Lo’ak pressed softly, keeping his voice down so as not to wake you.

Neteyam’s nostrils flared and he pressed his thumb and forefinger into his eyes in vexation, “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. You’ve said that a billion times already.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. Say you forgive me now, please? You were right, OK? That branch didn’t hold.”

Neteyam’s gaze had been alternating only between your prone form and his clasped hands in his lap up until now, but he turned incredulous eyes at his brother then. He gave a quiet scoff of disbelief, “By Eywa, that’s what you’re sorry for? For not listening to me? You think that I want you to apologise to me because you didn’t believe that I was right? Fuck, you don’t get it at all, Lo’ak.”

Lo’ak blinked several times and his brows knitted in a confused furrow, “What? I’ve already apologised. I don’t know what more you want from me.”

Neteyam’s nose wrinkled in a silent snarl at his brother, “This is your fault. It’s always your fault because your apologies are never backed up with a change of behaviour.”

“I know, bro. I promise I’ll listen to you from now on.”

“No! That’s not it!” Neteyam’s hiss was quiet but no less vehement, “It’s not about me being right or you not listening to me. It’s about you recognising that you need to think before you rush headlong into your fun and games! I won’t always be there to protect her!”

He saw Lo’ak’s eyes flick to your sleeping form and saw the recognition dawn on his brother’s face. Lo’ak had caught the inflection in his last sentence, “Oh, so this is just about Kalia, is it? You’d be fine if it was me that nearly drowned tonight instead?”

 Neteyam growled a warning, “Don’t be unkind. This is about both of you.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Lo’ak said casually, but Neteyam could sense his brother’s rising temper, could see it in the impatient flick of his tail, “In general, you’re concerned about the both of us, but right now tonight, this anger of yours, it’s all about her.”

“Of course! She died tonight, Lo’ak! She was dead when I pulled her from the river! We’re lucky I managed to resuscitate her!” Neteyam snarled, his ears pinned and his own tail lashing behind him, “You put her in danger. You have done so, so many times with your recklessness! So help me Eywa, if you can’t comprehend in your thick skull that you need to grow up and consider your own safety, then leave Kalia out of it, at least.”

Lo’ak’s lips curled in a derisive snarl of his own, “You can’t have her, bro. I won’t let you.”

Neteyam clenched his jaw. This was not the direction he had wanted this conversation to go in, but at the same time, it was a conversation that had been stewing in the background for moons now. His brother seemed all too eager to jump on this train of thought, full steam ahead.

Lo’ak continued, “She’s my best friend. I see the way you look at her, Neteyam. You want her for yourself.”

Neteyam knew he had to tread carefully here and choose his words wisely. It was both dishonest and futile to deny his attraction to you now, but he did not want it to come at the cost of your friendship with Lo’ak. Swallowing tightly, he began in a measured tone, “I don’t want to take her away from you. I just want her to be safe. I want you to be safe so that she is safe with you. You’re not good for her if you won’t change your behaviour.”

Lo’ak was shaking his head now, his breaths puffing heavily from his nostrils as he got more and more agitated, “How about you stay away from her, bro. She’s my friend.”

“This doesn’t have to be a you or me situation.”  Neteyam reasoned, “My interest in her and your friendship are not mutually exclusive things.”

“No, you can’t have her!” The words were spat from Lo’ak in a vicious growl, louder now than before.

“That isn’t your choice or mine, Lo’ak! It’s hers! But I have every right to express my wish to court her!”

“STAY. AWAY. FROM HER!”

“You don’t have any right to demand that!”

“Stop fighting.” The voice was feminine croak and Neteyam startled, his head spinning back to look at you. His brother’s head had swivelled around just as swiftly and he was sure he heard the vertebrae in Lo’ak’s neck pop.

~~ Your POV ~~

It had been the most impressive quiet argument that you had ever heard, if you were honest. The brothers had done well maintaining a hushed volume up until the last few moments. You figured it was time to intervene since the conversation was getting out of hand and it was also especially imprudent for you to be eavesdropping on a conversation about, well, you.

Your throat felt scratchy and your lungs felt sore, but you were fairly clear-headed otherwise.

“Shit, Kalia, sorry we woke you.” Lo’ak was by your side in a flash and one of his hands curled around yours, “Fuck, I’m so sorry about tonight. I really am.”

His tone was remorseful and you knew he felt awful. Lo’ak was careless but he was not callous by any means. He cared greatly for you despite him unintentionally contradicting that fact at times with his reckless behaviour.

Lo’ak’s eyes appeared a little watery in the flickering firelight of the hut and you reached out to pat his cheek kindly, “Hush, I know. I’m OK now. We live and we learn, yes?” He nodded mutely.

You saw Neteyam’s face swim into view beside Lo’ak’s and your heart gave a squeeze. An assortment of thoughts and emotions eddied around in your mind at the sight of his handsome face; gratitude, affection, remnants of your fright from earlier in the evening, and a kittenish shyness at what you had heard him say just moments ago.

Looking back to Lo’ak, you took the hand that was holding yours and kissed the back of it, “You know you’ll always be my best buddy, right? Nothing will change that. Ever.” You saw the slight pout of Lo’ak’s lips lift in a grin. You needed to speak to Neteyam though, alone, to thank him for rescuing you. Mostly to thank him, but you wanted to address a few other things too…

You cleared the scratch in your throat and shot Lo’ak a reassuring smile, “I’ll catch you in a bit, yeah? Could you give your brother and I some time? I’d like to speak to him.”

You had to fight the urge to giggle because when you saw Lo’ak’s grin pucker into an unimpressed moue. He looked from you to his brother and then back again and drawled sarcastically, “Yeah sure, I see how it is. You’ll be my best friend in the daytimes and then you’ll go and suck face with my brother in the evenings.”

Both you and Neteyam hissed Lo’ak’s name in shocked unison as he got up to give you both some privacy. He called over his shoulder as he disappeared out the draping flaps of the healers’ hut, “Don’t do anything gross in there kids, I’m just outside.”

Neteyam emitted an irritated huff and he rolled his eyes. His cheeks were purpling ever so slightly and you giggled, your own cheeks heating in response. You sat in silence for a few moments, neither of you really knowing what to say or how to begin.

You looked at Neteyam in the lambent glow of the firelight. He was looking intently at his folded hands in his lap and a frown wrinkled his forehead. He looked a little upset and you realised then that while it had been you who had fallen, gotten injured and had to be resuscitated, it was Neteyam who had had to live the waking nightmare of all those moments.

You extended the fingertips of your left hand and you stroked them gently against the back of his clasped hands, “Hey, thanks for saving me. I wouldn’t be here if not for you.”

“You weren’t here for a little bit.” The words were a broken mumble from Neteyam, who turned one of his palms out to twine his fingers with yours. He looked defeated.

“I’m here now and that’s what matters.”

His fingertips were warm against your cold ones and you instinctively sought out more of his warmth, sliding your palm forward to seat it fully against his. You felt his fingers wrap around your palm in return and the motion sent a thrill through you.

Neteyam took a shaky inhale and his exhale punched out of him in a defeated sigh, he shook his head gravely, “Fuck, Kalia you scared me today. You were gone. I had to fight to bring you back and-” He stopped suddenly and his eyes reluctantly fixed themselves on the dark purple bruising where the top of your chest was peeking out from the woven blanket Mo’at had wrapped around you.

“It doesn’t hurt much.” You supplied, “You did what you had to and I’m so grateful. I was stupid today too. It wasn’t just Lo’ak who didn’t listen. You told me not to go out onto the branch. I’m sorry too. I should’ve known better.”

He pursed his lips at you then, clearly agreeing with your sentiment, “Look, I’m not going to try and stop you and Lo’ak from hanging out, but you both need to be more careful. Think about what you’re doing, assess the situation. I don’t want to have to give you mouth-to-mouth resuscitation ever again.”

“Not the kind of mouth-to-mouth you’d like to give me?” Perhaps it was the heady mix of tonic that Mo’at had given you as pain-relief. Or maybe it was the fact that you had overheard Neteyam admit to being attracted to you that emboldened you, but the quip was out of mouth before you could stop it.

Neteyam’s mouth popped ajar at your remark and he spluttered, “I-It wasn’t exactly a kiss.”

Your tittered even harder at his reaction and you countered with another quip, “No, I’d like to be alive when that one happens.”

He continued to gawp at you and you nibbled on your bottom lip bashfully. Eywa, you’d been crushing on Neteyam for a couple of years now, and to hear him say that he would like to court you was a girlish dream come true. You squeezed his hand promisingly and he chuckled.

He licked his lips and his eyes fell to his lap again. He shifted his other hand to join your already clasped ones and rested it over yours. Your hand was cradled between both of his now and the blazing heat of skin was electrifying. He lifted his eyes then to meet your gaze and admitted, “I didn’t think you felt that way about me.”

“And I thought you didn’t see me as anything more than your little brother’s annoying friend!” You exclaimed with a laugh, “By Eywa, I’ve been cooking you things and bringing them to you personally for so long now. I was convinced you just thought me a pest.”

Neteyam frowned and cocked his head at you, “I thought those were bribes and ‘thank you’ treats for keeping an eye on you and Lo’ak.”

“Well, they were, but it’s because I didn’t want you to stop coming.”

He smiled at you then, one of his beautiful, bright smiles that made you feel all warm and tingly inside. He brought your knuckles up to his face and pressed a kiss to them, and the soft velvet brush of his lips made your stomach quiver and your toes curl. He murmured, “So you’ll allow me to court you?”

You beamed at him with a nod and you wondered if he could see the happy stars bursting in the depths of your green eyes. A stupid part of you was a little disappointed that the first time his lips had touched yours you had not been conscious. It had not been a kiss, but still.

You wanted a kiss now and you never backed away from an opportunity to get what you wanted, “Kiss me, Neteyam, please?”

A corner of his lips quirked upward and his chin tilted down again, his eyes never leaving yours. You recognised that look. It was the same keen expression he had worn earlier that evening after he had caught you staring at him instead of the trout. Great Mother, that expression sent delightful shivers through you.

You saw him lean down towards you slowly, bracing his weight on his palms on either side of your head, and he smirked, “Lo’ak is going to be so annoyed.”

“Lo’ak knows. He’s known about my feelings for you for a while now. He’s just going to have to share.” You whispered, your heartrate quickening and your breath puffing in smaller pants of anticipation as Neteyam’s face neared yours. A husky chortle rumbled by your ear and you gave a small gasp as his hot breath tickled the side of your face.

Neteyam purred his response, “Well as long as I don’t have to share this-” He pressed a slow kiss to your right cheek, “Or this-” Another unhurried press of his lips to your left cheek, “And especially not this-” His smooth lips enveloped yours in a chaste, but lingering press, “Then I’m fine sharing. Happy birthday, Kalia.”

Bright and unbridled delight rushed through you in a series of flutters and flurries in your chest and in your stomach. You had almost forgotten. The darkest part of eclipse had come and gone. It was your birthday today. Your first kiss with Neteyam was without a doubt, the best birthday present ever. Neteyam was grinning smugly down at you and you reached up to loop your arms around his neck, pulling him down towards you again for another deliciously plush and moist meld of your lips.

It was a little uncoordinated and a little bit messy as the two of you continued your curious exploration of each other’s mouths. After all, you were both new to each other like this. However, the experience was no less stimulating. You had plenty of time to practise and get better, you mused.

Evidently Lo’ak had chosen the wrong time to peek through the gap in the hut’s entry flaps, and you and Neteyam broke away from each other laughing when his indignant voice sounded from outside.

“Eww, yuck! I SAID NO GROSS STUFF!”

***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***

Author's Note: Ya'll this took on a life of its own, but I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoyed this little rollercoaster of drama! I'd love to hear your thoughts & reactions. Reblogs are so very much appreciated. Share this piece if you loved it! 🥰Thanks for reading!

[boydepartment]

I'm sorry, I'm late- Hwang Hyunjin (oneshot version)

Description: Y/n is a student teacher in a small town in France. Hwang Hyunjin is an idol who decided to run away after trouble started to arise again. He finds himself in the class where she helps, quickly they peaked each other’s interests. Both of them ran from something and it landed them in this small town in the middle of practically nowhere. One thing they both know is that the past always catches up and it is only a matter of time, so they better make the most of it.

Warnings: cursing, maybe a touch of dark subjects. There is French in this story, I am currently studying the language and I am not an expert. If you happen to speak the language and notice a mistake, please tell me! I am happy to learn and correct myself!      

a/n- this is a really old story i wrote a few months ago, and i still think about it, so i decided to compile all the chapters into one whole story. i always reread this story too IDK i cleaned it up a little too

wc- 25k ? MASTERLIST

Chapter 1: His eyes

You sat up slowly, feeling the sun through your thin curtains. Your body felt refreshed, oddly enough. Looking over at the clock on your wall you hopped up.

You were late to class! You ran to the wardrobe to get a quick outfit. Throwing on some old clothes the ever so kind old lady, Gram, across the street gave you when you first moved here as a housewarming present. She also made you her special pasta, the thought made your mouth water, but you didn’t have time to relish that thought. You rushed to your bathroom washing up to look presentable enough to be running around a classroom helping the teacher. You grabbed your flats which were by the door and threw your book bag over your shoulder. Feet out you started running down the worn old street.

                “Morning Y/n!” One of your neighbors yelled from across the way. You mustered a morning as you kept running. You could not be late! That would look unprofessional! You started to see the town in the distance and took a second to breathe. What time was it now? You dug through your bag and found the watch you bought from the general store. 7:45am.

Alright! Finally slipping your flats on you took note to remind yourself to take a bath when you got home, especially since you ran barefoot all that way. You started to run again down the hill not noticing the person at the bottom. You ran straight into him, your bag swinging around you.

                “DÉSOLÉ! JE SUIS EN RETARD! (Sorry, I am late)” You yelled and kept running. Normally you learned not to apologize much here, but you really rammed into him.

However, it was worth it! You got to the small classroom in the tiny-tiny school in time.

                “Bonjour, Y/n. (good morning, Y/n)” Your higher up greeted you. You greeted him back with a nod and sat down in your desk which was sat by his. You were learning how to teach art here. Since the teacher was getting old and Mr. W noticed that you weren’t one of the young people to just leave the small French town after his semester class, he decided to take you under his wing. He would tell you how to thoroughly teach an art class, as well as help you with your French. For the most part a lot of people in town would cut you some slack, they pretty much picked up that you were young and at least trying to speak to them as much as you possibly could.

The classroom started to fill with young adults, it was the usual class, until someone who wasn’t ordinary showed up. It was the guy you rammed into at the end of the hill. The more you looked at him the more he stood out to you. His hair was chopped horribly, and his clothes had what you assumed to be the logos removed. You have read an abundance of true crime books in your youth so to say this man didn’t raise all the red flags would be a lie. He didn’t look like he would harm anyone though, that is what truly through you off about him. He looked like a scared ally dog.

Eventually you got tasked to clean up the brushes from last class, you quickly got up and went to the broken-down sink at the back of the room. You let them soak and you listened to the head teacher guide the class through the lesson. Soon that will be you leading the class, you couldn’t wait. Mr. W really knew how to captivate the learning starving artists, soon everyone was working as the record player near his desk started to play famous classical pieces. Your eyes drifted to the young man in the corner, once again catching your interests. You watched as he deliberately and carefully let the small delicate brush hit the thick paper. The sun hit him beautifully and you started to notice little details about him. Then he made eye contact with you, and you quickly went back to soaking and cleaning the brushes, you even went as far as cleaning various old materials used earlier on in the week.

As much as you tried to get your mind off him, you couldn’t. Huffing you grabbed a stool and sat next to him. He looked at you with a terrified look, he looked as if you caught him sneaking a cookie from the cookie jar before dinner.

                “You’re new here, I ran into you…” You mumbled and kept looking at him, he looked down quickly at his work.

                “I- yeah. It’s okay…” The young man went back to his painting.

                “Do you speak French?” You watched his line work again; his eyes watched the brush intently.

                “Very little, I have visited Paris many times, but I don’t stay long.”

You let out a small huff of a laugh, “Paris is quite far from here.” This caught his attention and he looked at you.

                “Good.” He said softly then turned back. You two have been talking in a soft tone due to people around you trying to focus.

You decided to keep talking, “did you just move here? I haven’t seen you around.”

                “Yes, a couple weeks ago. I was at the Inn until I moved into the neighborhood above the hill.” He dipped his brush in the paint again and kept the steady hold.

                “You live in the same neighborhood as me.” You said, “you’re also mainly a landscape artist.”

The man looked stunned, and he dropped the brush, “how can you tell?”

                “The way your lines are deliberate, you’re calculating in your head instead of feeling out the page and medium emotionally.” You said and made eye contact with him; he was a total mystery to you. After living in this town a couple of years, you learned about almost everyone. The town only sometimes got any new visitors until this guy just showed up.

                “You can pick up on that?” The man spoke softly, he seemed to walk on eggshells around you. Did you hurt his feelings? There was nothing wrong with deliberate and calculated lines.

                “Yes, mainly because I wish I could do that in my art.”

He picked up the brush again and dabbed it on the paper, “what mediums and styles do you work in?”

                “Portrait and abstract. For portrait I work in charcoal and watercolor, for abstract I work in all different types of stuff I can get my hands on.” You spoke softly. When a ghost of a smile graced his features, you almost felt your heart stop and you didn’t know why.

                “I hate working in charcoal and abstract.” His eyes followed his brush strokes again.

                “Which house do you live in?” You asked him.

He smiled again, “you ask a lot of questions.”

                “We haven’t had someone new actually move in since I moved in.” You quickly answered back.

The man acknowledged your statement, “the one with the dead rosebush in the front.”

                “It’s not dead forever!” You said rather defensively, mainly because you live right next to this house which you thought was vacant still, “it just needs some help.”

                “Ah so you know the house I live in?” He picked up a thicker brush.

                “Yes, you’re my neighbor. It is a small neighborhood in a small town. Also why is-“ you were going to ask him about his hair when Mr. W called you by his desk. You excused yourself and walked over. He ended up tasking you to clean up the chalkboard, something about his arm hurting him. If you translated that correctly.

As you cleaned up the old-fashioned school board you felt eyes on you, you knew they were the mysterious stranger’s.

Well, your mysterious neighbor.

After the class was dismissed, you helped clean up for the day and Mr. W excused you. When you grabbed your bag and walked out of the classroom you saw the mysterious stranger again. He saw you and you noticed he got nervous again.

                This guy was very odd.

You approached him, “you can go home now.”

                “You wanted to ask me something though.” He said and you two walked out of the school building. You looked up at him trying to remember what on Earth you were going to ask him earlier. You pouted a bit trying to remember.

                “If you don’t remember then I live next door.” The man said, he went to turn to the direction of the neighborhood, and you stopped him again.

                “Wait, what’s your name?” You had grabbed onto his sleeve. His lean figure whipped around.

                “Hwang Hyunjin.” Part of his expression told you he was nervous to say this, but still answered you.

                “Can I give you a nickname to help me remember?” There was no way you wanted to forget his name let alone accidentally pronounce it wrong. Between speaking English and now heavily studying French, sometimes your pronunciations could get a little wonky.

You saw him smile warmly at you, “Sometimes people would call me Jinnie.”

                Jinnie… How cute.

You nodded and repeated it then introduced yourself, “I am Y/n. Y/n L/n.” You put your paint-stained hand out for him to shake. He gladly took your hand and shook it. His hand was quite larger than yours and the next thing you knew he turned away and waved. You stood there dumbfounded, this man, Jinnie, was odd. But he was interesting and young like you. Part of you felt like you had to help him, no one really helped you when you moved to town. You didn’t want this man to go through that too. You made up your mind, you would show up at his door tomorrow and walk to school with him.

Your feet made their way to the heart of the small town, you greeted the locals, they were now kind to you and warm. You belonged here now to them. It was a foreign feeling, being a part of a community that was kind to you. Walking into the bookstore where you help part time you were greeted by your coworker.

                “Ah… Vous n'avez qu'à balayer le plancher. (I need you to sweep the floor)” She didn’t always give you tasks like this, most of the time it was restocking shelves or working the counter. However, you didn’t mind sweeping the floor. You nodded and went to the back room to retrieve the broom and dustpan. Everything was older and you thrived in this environment. You could be doing nothing at all, or cleaning, and you are happy. You loved it here. Maybe you romanticized a little too much though. The thought made you smile to yourself. After your sweeping your boss had you tidy up some shelves.

                “Um, Y/n!” She peeked her head in from one of the shelves, “A demain(see you tomorrow)??”

                “Oui. (yes)” You said simply, you planned on popping in tomorrow after school anyways, if she wanted you to help out too, you would gladly do so. You saw her smile at you then nod, walking off to other tasks. Once you were done you said your goodbyes and started to walk back home. Your little neighborhood wasn’t far from the town. Part of you felt excitement bubble up in you, remembering your new neighbor.

When you walked up the hill it was already nighttime, you honestly think you should start carrying a walking stick especially because it was a pretty empty field surrounding the small jumble of brick homes. The trees didn’t start until the back of the neighborhood. You never went that way though. Whenever you walked into the beaten path you found yourself once again becoming happy, seeing someone new here really greatened your appreciation for this town. You wondered if Jinnie had the same appreciation as you.

You unlocked your small house which you would be lying if you said it wasn’t some little cottage. You decorated it the past two years like that on purpose. Kicking off your flats you remembered how dirty your feet were. Letting out a small laugh, you walked towards the bathroom and drew yourself a bath. As you waited for the water to fill, you made yourself some tea. It was dark out now and you felt it would be a great way to end your night. As you washed your hands in the sink, you had a perfect view of your neighbor’s living room. You didn’t want to be creepy, so you closed the curtains, but not before taking note of how peaceful he looked reading a book that clearly enthralled him. Your heart pounded and next thing you heard was the kettle whistling. Quickly shaken out of your thoughts you waited to pour yourself a cup and head back to the bathroom.

Slipping into your nightgown which was yet another gift from your birthday last year from the kind lady across the way. She wanted to always repay you for bringing her your homemade pumpkin bread once every other week. She was your first friend here. You went under your covers and made sure your alarm clock was on this time. You had to get up a little early anyways, you wanted to walk with Jinnie to school.

                                                          ~+~

Shockingly, your alarm did wake you up. Excitedly you hurried to get ready, your feet pitter pattered to the wardrobe. You grabbed a dress and another sweater; you were always one for layering even if summer was quickly coming. That means you would have another year of student-teaching experience under your belt. It also meant you would spend more time at the bookstore soon, which made excitement bubble in your stomach. You walked to the bathroom and once again got washed up for the day. Teeth, hair, the homemade lip balm you made yourself, all done!

You slipped your socks and boots on, today felt like a boots day. The breakfast menu was some fruit and toast, you really had to pick up more food soon at the market. Maybe you would go in a couple days on Sunday, the town always had merchants come in and it was outdoor. You nodded to yourself and finished eating. Grabbing your bag you headed to the neighbor’s home, the one with the sad rosebush.

To say you were a little nervous would be a lie, you weren’t used to being the one to almost chase after someone, but Jinnie intrigued you. You knocked a couple times and he answered, seemingly already dressed.

                “Good morning, Y/n.” His voice was soft. Jinnie’s eyes looked tired.

                “Good morning Jinnie, do you want to walk with me to the school?” You really hoped he would say yes, he could be the only friend you have that was actually your age. Jinnie smiled down at you.

                “I would love to actually, let me grab my things.” He went to shut the door but then opened it, “you can come in.”

You took up his offer and decided to look around the house, it had been vacant since you had moved in. But it surely didn’t look like it got worn over time. You saw how he had already had stuff hung up, his art which looked recent, there was no sign of dust stains.

                “I have been painting a lot since I moved here.” He said now next to you, you nodded slowly.

                “I see most of them are of the town.” You noted, you recognized the general store and the fountain in the middle of town.

Jinnie hummed, “I used to paint flowers a lot, sometimes people or still lifes. But after moving here I have been inspired by the architecture.”

You finally got a look at his clothes, “you are wearing normal clothes today. No torn off logos.”

His brows furrowed, “you take note of everything don’t you? Our neighbor across the street gave me these. Said I was her old husband’s size.”

                “She did the same for me too.” You smiled at the memory, “if you want to thank her, I bake her bread once every other week. You can join me.”

His eyes, which were once tired, lit up, “I love bread.”

                “We will have to make extra then.”

After you talked about the pumpkin bread recipe you two started your walk to the school, the sun now just rising over the town.

                “It is hard to not romanticize this town.” He suddenly spoke, “although the people here sometimes act like they hate me.”

You let out a small huff of a laugh, “they do that to newcomers, if you want, I can help teach you some basic phrases. It will help them warm up to you more.”

                “You would do that?” Jinnie asked you, the cool spring breeze brushing through his hair.

                “Yes, in exchange that you help me with landscape art.” You said and put your hand out again, to shake on it.

                “Deal.” This time he actually grinned and shook your hand. You saw his toothy grin for the first time that morning. This man was dangerously charming.

You really couldn’t help the small glances you two would exchange during class, the small smiles, everything. He was an instant click for you. However, you didn’t let him distract you from your work, Mr. W would kill you if he found out you were getting distracted by some random boy. You started to study the art history books Mr. W assigned for you to take notes on, he always said if you wanted to teach a subject you had to know the history behind it. Your favorite artists were all landscape-based artists, mainly because you couldn’t do it. Your art was either the small details of people’s faces, or complete disordered abstract. Your mind once again wandered to Jinnie who was now cleaning his brushes, his art study on the town that was hung up by the door of his home was almost perfect in a way. You wondered how Jinnie himself just did that.

After the class, you picked up your history books and thanked Mr. W. Since it was Friday you wouldn’t see him until Monday, unless he called your landline asking you to come in. When you walked out you saw Jinnie waiting there for you once more.

                “Mr. W really knows how to capture the attention of students.” Jinnie spoke and held the door open for you. You walked out and waited for him this time.

                “I am very thankful to be able to learn from him, he wants me to take his teaching position when he is ready to retire.” Your bag swung a bit when you flipped around to face him.

                “You are very welcoming; I am sure you will be a good teacher.” Jinnie said, you two walked down the dirt path, almost to where the crossroad was.

                “Thank you,” you smiled at him, “I have to go to work… Which is in town…” You weren’t very good at goodbyes or see you laters.

                “I can bring you dinner tonight if you want, I mean you are helping me out with getting settled here. It’s the least I can do.” You two now stood at the crossroads.

                “I get home sort of late… Tomorrow though would be better, since I work in the morning and will be done by the afternoon.” You offered, you were curious to how good his cooking is, and you would never pass up on a free meal.

                “Alright, Saturday evening, I will cook and bring over the plates.” He nodded to himself. Before you were about to say goodbye he already flipped around and waved to walk home.

Jinnie was certainly a person you wanted to figure out, you even found the urge to try and paint him in your sketchbook. That urge hasn’t happened to you since high school.

While doing your chores in the little bookstore you saw some tourists, it seemed like your little town was gaining traction and that made you nervous. You liked how it was a small place to live, under the radar. This sort of put a damper on your mood, it had you overthinking.

It kept you over thinking into the next day as well, especially because that Saturday morning more tourists came by, and it scared you. You didn’t want people here, you realized while sweeping you had no right to say that. You were once a foreigner here too. Sighing, you kept mopping the same spot over and over.

                “I think it’s clean.” Someone spoke softly behind you, you turned around to see your other shop owner’s daughter, she was your second friend in town. She got you a job here with her mom in exchange of you tutoring her in English.

                “I-I’m sorry. There is just a lot on my mind…” You mumbled; she turned her head in confusion.

                “The recent abundance of tourists or that handsome man every girl in town is raving about?” She had a wicked grin on her face, “there are whispers about him living in the same neighborhood as you.”

You set the mop to the side, “it’s just the tourists, you know that makes me nervous and there seems to be more of them.”

She nodded, “you can head home early if you want, I need to make some extra money some of the girls in town want to make the handsome man cookies this weekend and I need to buy powdered sugar tomorrow at the market for the finishing touch.”

You thanked her and started to pack up, before you left you turned around, “oh by the way, his name is Jinnie.” You winked at her and walked out. The shop owner’s daughter felt like your sibling, although she wasn’t around often due to her schooling in the next town over. The time you spent with her you cherished. You took a deep breath then smiled to yourself, you had something to look forward to tonight and that was dinner with ‘the handsome man.’ You thought it was so cute that the girls were gossiping about him.

To thank Jinnie you stopped by the general store and picked up some flowers, that weren’t dead like the ones in his front yard.

                “Y/n!” You flipped around and saw your other neighbor, the kind old lady, Gram. You grinned at her; you had already paid for the flowers, so you went over to her.

                “How are you, Gram?” It was nice to see her out and about.

                “Well, I made friends with your next-door neighbor, Hyunjin.” She said and put stuff in her basket. You decided to walk with her and help her with her shopping.

                “Did you?” You asked and got something from the shelf she pointed to. Gram let out a small hum.

                “Yes, and I found out stuff about him for you.” She spoke slyly.

You laughed a tiny bit, “oh really?”

Gram let out a huff and nodded, “yes, he is a few months older than you. He traveled a lot, and he used to sing.”

                “That’s new information to me.” You mumbled to yourself.

                “I can’t hear you when you mumble.” Gram said back.

You apologized quickly and repeated yourself again.

                “There is a lot of things I feel you two could learn from each other.”

Your brows furrowed and pondered what she could mean by that. It was quite an odd thing to say but then again, she was odd herself. You helped your neighbor with the rest of her groceries and walked her back home.

                “Oh, tomorrow, Gram, I am going to the morning market, I will make pumpkin bread for you tomorrow as well, all fresh ingredients.” You said as you helped unpack her groceries in her kitchen. It was filled with old photos of her family; she also had a little collection of porcelain bunnies.

                “I am so excited for that dear.” Gram spoke from her chair in the living room. You finished up and walked in her very floral living space.

                “Is there anything else you need?” You asked.

                “Tell Hyunjin to bring me back my recipe when he’s done with it.” Gram then waved you off.

He borrowed a recipe?

You walked across the street to your humble abode and started to get ready for dinner with Jinnie. You set the red roses down on the table then started to your bathroom. You took a quick sponge bath and tried your best to look presentable. You had thrown out all your makeup a few months after you moved here, and you didn’t want to check the chest at the foot of your bed which was locked up with your old stuff for a reason. Out of sight out of mind. You dug in your wardrobe and saw a nice floral dress and slipped it on. Tying the back you smiled, Gram had a very good fashion sense in her youth. You rummaged through the little box of sewing supplies she gave you and found ribbons, you tied your hair with them. If he was making dinner you had to look presentable. Skipping to the kitchen you dug around your cabinets; you had wine somewhere around here. It was a housewarming present from the man who sold you this home. It had to still be okay… right? You never opened it. As you were rummaging there was a knock on the door, startled you hit your head on the top of the cabinet.

                “Ow…” You mumbled and wobbled up to the door. When you opened you saw Jinnie standing there with a basket in his hands, he must’ve gotten dressed up as well. He looked astronomical even with his choppy messed up hair.

                “Can I come in?” He spoke, a smile gracing his features.

You stepped out of the way and let him in, “do you like red wine? I am pretty sure I have a bottle here. Somewhere.” You mumbled and he followed you into the kitchen.

                “I could use a glass.” He set the basket down by the flowers. You had already resumed crouching by the cabinet, next thing you knew he was next to you helping you search.

                “Oh, the flowers on the table are for you. Figured you’d want something alive.” Chuckling at your own joke you moved the olive oil.

                “There it is.” Jinnie said while laughing slightly with you. He grabbed the bottle and set it on the counter, then put his hand out to help you up. You gladly took it and his soft hands held yours, then quickly let go when you were situated. Much to your dismay.

                “I do love the roses; they are my favorite actually.”

The corners of your mouth curved, “we will have to nurse the bush in your yard then.”

                “That we will.” He walked to the table, and you grabbed your glasses and the wine. Meeting him at the table you saw that he made pasta.

                “Gram said you really liked her pasta, so I tried my best.” Jinnie said and set the table.

                “I love her pasta; she made it for me when I first moved here.” You were quite surprised that he did this. You set the glasses down and poured the wine.

                “So, she said.” Jinnie motioned for you to take a seat and you did, he quickly followed. You saw he was waiting for you to take a bite. When you did you swore you could cry. It tasted so good, it wasn’t quite like Gram’s however, it was still so amazing to your taste buds.

                “You really- wow.” You wiped your mouth with a napkin, “this is really good.”

Jinnie grinned and took a sip of his wine, “I am so relieved, I was a little worried.”

                “You shouldn’t be, this is amazing Jinnie thank you.” You took another bite then washed it down with a small sip of wine.

Jinnie started to eat his food and he looked surprised, “you weren’t just lying to make me feel better, wow.”

Him being surprised by his own cooking made you laugh, hard. He looked up at you and started to laugh.

                “I thought you were just lying to be nice. Honestly.” Jinnie spoke between giggles. You kept giggling.

                “Tomorrow I am going to make that pumpkin bread for Gram, I just have to go to the market in the morning.” You said and took another bite of this amazing recipe.

                “May I join you? I heard the guy at the general store talk about the Sunday markets.” Jinnie asked. You nodded.

                “Of course, you can come with me, I’d love that.”

The way he was so charming and thoughtful really had you entranced. Jinnie was still a mystery to you and maybe that is what made you attracted to him. Or maybe the fact he has been the only guy around your age staying in this town longer than a semester. You didn’t know, but you weren’t complaining.

Chapter 2: His laugh

                “Good morning Jinnie!” You grinned as you swung open your door, the morning breeze already rushing at you.

                “Good morning, Y/n. I haven’t seen you in forever.” He joked as you locked up your home, you smiled remembering the previous night. Your dinner with him. Before he had left, you helped him clean his plates and you two pretty much finished half of the wine.

You two walked down the path to town, you really liked getting to walk with him. He started to open up and talk to you little by little. You think he realized he was in the same position as you, you were the only person near his age.

                “Gram said you told her you can sing, I forgot to ask you about that last night.” You said and he almost dropped his basket.

                “Gram told you?” He chuckled, you two were now at the top of the hill.

                “She did, I would like to hear you sing.” You said and looked at him, the sunrise warming both your bodies.

                “Maybe, I prefer dancing though.” Jinnie said and turned to you.

                “Dancing, singing, what else can you do?” You asked, Gram was right, he was something.

Jinnie smiled to himself, as if remembering something, “well, I can speak Korean too, some Japanese, uhhh…”

Your jaw was on the path, “and now you want to pick up French? That is very impressive.”

                “Korean was my first language,” Jinnie spoke softly, the tired features washed on his face again.

                “Can you show me your dancing one time?” You asked, wanting to change the subject. Jinnie once again smiled.

                “I would love to.”

You two arrived at the Sunday morning market not much later then that conversation. The heart of the town was bustling, you recognized the tourists again. You looked down and then up at Jinnie when he tugged the sleeve of your sweater.

                “What do we need to pick up?”

Some of the ingredients you already had at home, “we just need eggs, pumpkin puree, and cinnamon butter.” You said to him as he leaned down so he could hear you. He nodded and led you to the dairy stand. When the guy asked him what he wanted in French he started panicking and looked to you. You cleared your throat.

                “Je voudrais cinq œufs, sil vous plait. (I would like five eggs please)” You said to the man, he nodded and handed you the five eggs carefully. You softly set them in Jinnie’s basket and paid for them.

                “Merci! (Thank you)” You said to the merchant and continued on your way.

                “Thank you.” Jinnie said down to you. You smiled up at him.

                “This will be your first lesson, okay?” You grabbed him and pulled him to a bench. He sat down and you sat next to him.

                “Okay I am ready.” Jinnie said, his hands still gripping the basket.

                “When you ask for something, you say, ‘Je voudrais’ that directly translates to, ‘I would like.’” You explain to him, he repeated it back to you and you helped with pronunciation.

                “Then right after you say what you’d like, you then end it with ‘sil vous plait’ which means ‘please.’” Once again, he repeated it back to you, you smiled.

                “If you want you can even say, ‘merci,’ which is, ‘thank you.’” You further explained, “if you’re REALLY thankful, you can say, ‘merci beaucoup.’” He nodded and took note of your mini lesson.

Standing up you put your hand out instinctively, he grabbed it, and you led him to the next stand, this one had fruits. This is good practice. Plus, you wanted an orange to snack on. You led Jinnie up to the stand and he looked a little nervous. You told him how to ask for two oranges. When the guy asked him what he wants, he gulped and then spoke.

                “Je voudrais…” He looked down at you, you looked up at him and squeezed his hand, “deux oranges, sil vous… plait.”

You grinned at him, you handed the man the required money and you two got your oranges.

                “Jinnie that was amazing I am so proud of you.” You shook his arm that didn’t have the basket in it, in celebration.

                “My pronunciation was… okay?” He looked down at you, you nodded.

                “You did really well. The guy didn’t even look annoyed at you!” You giggled then continued to drag him around with you to get the other ingredients.

When you two were about to leave someone called his name, he whipped around and saw a group of five girls run up to him. You recognized one of them, it was your boss’s daughter.

                “We wanted to make these for you!” One of the girls said, another girl handed him a bundle of what you assumed were the cookies. He smiled awkwardly at them.

                “Ah… Merci… beaucoup!” He looked at you and you gave him a thumbs up. The group of girls started to giggle before practically running away. You heard whispers of, bel homme, and il est tres gentil. It made you laugh a bit and you two started your walk home.

                “What were they saying as they were walking away?” Jinnie asked you as you opened your front gate for him. You started to laugh as you dug in your pockets for your keys.

                “They were saying you were beautiful and very kind.” You saw his shocked expression and then you turned to open your door to your home.

Walking in, he set the basket down on the counter, and his gift on the table.

                “Well, that was very…” He looked at you.

                “Gentille.” You finished for him. Jinnie nodded and giggled then repeated what you said.

                “Gentille of them.”

You started to unload the groceries, leaving the ingredients for the pumpkin bread out. You saw at the bottom of his basket he had Gram’s recipe at the bottom. You smiled to yourself.

                “What can I help with?” Jinnie asked breaking you out of your thoughts.

                “Could you get the bowls and stuff please?” You asked him, he nodded and started on his first task. He retrieved them in no time and soon you two were baking.

                “JINNIE, CAN YOU GRAB THIS?” You wobbled your way from the back pantry where all the flours and sugars were, he quickly rushed over and grabbed the flour too, helping guide you to the kitchen.

                “Okay we did it!” Jinnie said and wiped his face. You started to laugh, and he looked at you with a confused look.

                “You have pumpkin puree on your face.” You reached up and wiped it off his forehead, still giggling at him.

Jinnie looked away from you, a smile on his face.

                “Can you preheat the oven?” You asked as you started to mix all your ingredients. He hopped to it instantly.

Once the bread was in the oven you two found yourselves looking over the bookshelf in your room, “you have a lot of good reads.”

                “Thank you.” You sat down on your bed and watched him, “I needed books to keep myself occupied when I first moved here.”

                “You don’t have a phone or a laptop?” He asked and turned around, holding a book of Monet’s work and history.

                “I do, they are just locked away, if someone in town wants to contact me, they can just use the landline.” You said simply.

Jinnie looked up from the book and right at you, “in that chest by your bed?”

You nodded, you didn’t look up from the book you were reading, “mhm.”

                “Can I ask why they are locked away?” You felt the bed shift, he sat by your sprawled out body.

                “Can I ask how you found yourself here?” You sat up now looking at him with curious eyes.

Jinnie thought for a moment, “I ran away.” He looked away from you as if he was ashamed of himself. Your features quickly softened.

                “It’s… It’s okay…” You spoke, just above a whisper.

Jinnie looked at you, “I was a coward. I am a-“

                “I ran away too.” You said quickly, his eyes widened, “there was a lot going on for me back home, um it became too much so I packed everything and left.”

                “Y/n, I understand that more than you know.” He said and grabbed your hand.

You looked up at him, “maybe one day me and you will go more into detail about why we ran.” You stood up still holding onto his hand, “but as for right now, we have pumpkin bread to deliver.”

                                                                                                ~+~

                “You know when I was a little girl, I used to have the most beautiful blond hair.” Gram said as she sliced the bread for you and Jinnie. She insisted you two have one piece even though it was your gift to her.

                “Your hair is still beautiful, Gram.” Jinnie said to her.

Gram let out a quiet laugh, “Hyunjin you are too kind…” She plated the bread and poured some iced tea for you both, and for her. Then she sat down.

                “Have you ever had Y/n’s pumpkin bread?” Gram asked Jinnie. He shook his head, “you’ll love it, I remember when she first made it for me.” Gram winked at you, and you smiled bashfully. Then you three dove in. Jinnie instantly complimented your baking. Gram told you this was your best batch yet.

                “I had help this time so maybe that’s why.” You smiled at Jinnie.

Gram laughed, “you better help her more if this is how good the bread is going to be!” She joked. You and Jinnie helped clean the cups and plates and she led you two to her living room.

                “I want to show you guys photos in my youth.” She sat you guys on the couch and then plopped herself in the middle of you two. Gram started to talk about how after some events, her and her husband decided to move into this little town to get away. Neither of them knew a lick of French but they learned together. You could tell Jinnie was absolutely enthralled with her romantic tale. His eyes lit up and he would ask her questions, she gladly answered. It made your heart warm; he was so effortlessly charming.

At some point she wanted to take her late afternoon nap, so she kicked you two out, Jinnie walked you to your door.

                “Walk with me to school tomorrow?” He asked with hopefully eyes.

                “I wouldn’t miss it Jinnie.” You spoke and stood at your doorway, the warm air in contrast to the breeze outside.

                “I will pick you up this time.” He said, you nodded and before you could say goodbye, just as usual he flipped around and waved. You shut the door behind you. Giggling you rushed to the bathroom, it was time to take a bath and settle down for the day. You still had to study your art history too. Oh, Jinnie just made you so giddy!

                                                                                                ~+~

 The next morning you knew you overslept because you heard knocking on your bedroom window. You groaned and rubbed your eyes, when you saw his silhouette through your curtains you hopped up and ran through your house, your slippers making you slide. Quickly, you opened the door and waved him in. Jinnie’s warm smile woke you up more.

                “Uh here if you didn’t have breakfast um make something, the pantry is yours!” You ran back to your room to get ready for the day. You threw on some old pants and a t-shirt. Your hair was a mess and part of you was a little embarrassed that Jinnie saw you like this. You threw on a straw hat and jacket, almost falling over you put on your boots.

                “JINNIE IS MY BAG OUT THERE!?” You yelled from your room. You heard him quickly walk around.

                “YES, I GOT IT!” He spoke back. You smiled and walked out, now ready to leave and walk to school with him. When you met him by the door, he handed you your bag.

                “Thank you!” You smiled and next thing you knew you two were walking to the school.

                “Oh, I woke up a little early this morning, so I made sandwiches for us, if you want to eat them with me after class.” Jinnie said and showed you the wrapped sandwiches in his bag, “I also took the two oranges from your fruit bowl.”

                “I will look forward to it, I shouldn’t have work today so I would love to have lunch. Especially your cooking.” Your heart felt warm around him again.

Jinnie let out a soft hum of acknowledgement, “I want to thank you by the way.”

You looked to him as you two just walked made it at the top of the hill, “why’s that?”

                “Welcoming me here, you could have just let me figure it out on my own, but you haven’t.” He spoke softly, “you are letting me depend on you.”

                “Well, you still have to help me with my landscape art.” You nudged him, Jinnie giggled.

                “I have that planned actually; I am trying to find a nice landscape for us.”

This sort of confused you, “you don’t want to paint the town?”

                “I will always paint the town, however, let’s say you get frustrated, at least you’ll have a nice view to calm you down.” He explained, “my first day here when I was still at the inn, I painted the general store, or at least tried to, and I couldn’t get it right. Then someone walked by, and it was the most beautiful view I have ever seen.”

You felt a pang of something, your stomach did flips, who captured his eye?

                “Did you ever get to see your view again?” You asked, Jinnie looked down at his feet, smiling to himself.

                “Almost every day actually.”

That’s odd, “do you know their name?”

                “Yes.” Jinnie giggled once more.

                “Do I know them?” Yes, you were nosy, you couldn’t help it.

Jinnie let out another laugh, except this time he threw his head back then looked at you, “yes you know them.”

You started to ponder as you two walked up to the school, “wait what’s their name?”

                “Y/n.” Jinnie opened the door for you, and you walked in, then spun around.

                “Yes?” You asked and took off your hat, Jinnie smiled at you and tried to fix your messy hair.

                “That’s their name.” He said simply and started to walk to the classroom. He left you dumbfounded in the middle of the hall. Once back to reality you started to run after him.

                “HEY!”

During class Jinnie would make an effort to not pay any attention to you, especially after how flustered he made you right beforehand. It made a little spark inside you; you thought it was funny. The way you’d catch him staring and then he’d dramatically look away. It made you laugh to yourself while you studied your history books. Mr. W started to teach the class about August Friedrich Schenk. You tuned in a bit always being interested by the way there was always an overwhelming dread in the art August Friedrich produced. You struggled painting animals so maybe that’s also why the artist also intrigued you. After the lecture Mr. W assigned you to run some errands to the other teachers, things like reports, attendance, stuff like that. You quickly did as you were told and found yourself greeted by your soon to be coworkers. One of them didn’t have a class for another hour so you found yourself making small talk.

                “Is Mr. W still being nice?” She asked and started to write her lesson plan on the board. She was the poetry teacher, Ms. Felicity.

                “Yes, thankfully, it is really different from being an art student in his class.” You took a sip of tea that she offered you in a paper classroom cup, “he has always been nicer to me though. I am thankful for that. He really has taken me under his wing the past two years.”

                “I’m glad, especially since you’ll be working here soon.” Ms. Felicity turned around and smiled at you.

                “Do you live in the next town over?” You asked, suddenly curious. She nodded.

                “It is quite the commute but it’s worth it.”

You nodded; you remembered the town over was very nice.

                “You know. I wanted to be the art teacher, but here I am doing poetry.” She spoke softly.

You two continued to talk until it was time for you to head back to Mr. W. You found yourself happy that maybe you made a new friend. You seemed to be lucky in that department lately. Walking back into the classroom you saw that Mr. W was close to finishing his lesson. You sat at your little desk and waited for the class to be dismissed.

                “Alright, you have your assignments for the next week, remember due March 13th. I will see you guys tomorrow.” The international students started to leave, Mr. W gave you more things to study for the upcoming week

                “I am very proud of your progress lately, Y/n.” Mr. W said, you gleamed at the praise.

                “Thank you so much, Mr. W!” You quickly picked up your notebooks and bag, packing up. Your teacher made small talk with you about the next assignments for the art students and then sent you off.

Once again you met Jinnie outside of the classroom, “hungry?” He asked. You smiled at him and placed your hat back on your head.

                “Starved!”

                                                                                                ~+~

                “The school has poetry too?” Jinnie asked as you two sat in the grass still in short distance to the school. You were laying on your jacket and you suddenly sat up.

                “Yes, did you not look at the classes?” You laughed and took another bite of the wonderful sandwich Jinnie made for you two.

                “Well… While signing up I was in a bit of a rush.” He said and sipped his reusable water bottle.

You finished off your sandwich and laid back down, “makes sense how you just appeared out of nowhere.”

Jinnie laughed, “I really did huh?”

                “Yes, shockingly. You just poofed.” You flipped on your stomach and looked up at him.

                “Is that why you ask me so many questions?” Jinnie teased.

You nodded, “that is exactly why I ask you an abundance of questions. You pique my curiosity.”

                “At least you don’t just see me for my looks.” He said quietly. Your brows furrowed and you could sense the sadness in his tone. It was a total 180. You wondered where it came from, especially where the statement itself came from. Yes, he was handsome, however did the people who he ran away from just see him as that?

                “No, I see you for your cooking.” You wanted to lighten the mood, anything to get that smile back on his face.

Jinnie rolled his eyes and smiled down at you, “okay Y/n. I see how it is.”

                “Alright! We both have homework to do!” You stood up and put your hand out. He took it and you helped him up, cleaning up your mini picnic you two went on your merry way.

                “We definitely should plant pumpkins in July.” You said and skipped along with him.

                “So, they’ll be ready for Halloween, right?” Jinnie asked, you hummed.

                “Exactly! The town actually does a whole thing for Halloween. It is really cute, too many tourists though.” You said, noticing once more he was lost in thought.

                “Hyunjin…?” You tested the waters of saying his actual name, this caught his attention instantly.

                “Am I in trouble?” Poor guy looked and sounded terrified, you laughed slightly.

                “Nono I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Jinnie nodded to himself, and he thanked you softly, “it’s just some weird stuff coming back to me again, I’ll be okay.” He reassured you.

                “I understand what you mean, that happened to me on my first birthday here. I hung out with Gram the entire day.” You recalled the memory, “it was weird not being around anyone I knew.”

                “My birthday is in two weeks.” He said suddenly.

Your eyes widened, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SOONER!” You practically jumped on him; soft giggles escaped his lips.

                “We’ve been busy it didn’t come up.”

You huffed as you two made it up the hill, “what day?”

Jinnie thought for a moment, his way of keeping you in suspense, “hmmm I don’t remember.”

                “HYUNJIN!”

He looked offended that you used his actual name, “now I’m not going to tell you.”

                “Jinni- “

                “March 20th.”

You laughed at his suddenness, “okay good! We can plan something!” Jinnie looked at you, he looked a little unreadable.

                “You don’t have to…” He mumbled bashfully, you two walked into your neighborhood.

                “Well, I want to, I don’t want you to have the same sad birthday as me when I first moved here.” You were determined, “what kind of cake do you want?”

                “May I request your pumpkin bread?” He asked hopefully. You grinned at him.

                “Yes, you may!”

                                                                                                ~+~

The past week you and Jinnie would continue this routine of walking together to school and if you didn’t have work, you or he would make lunch. At one point he brought you lunch at work; it made you feel special. You found yourself cherishing his attention. He was way different from everyone else you have ever met. Hyunjin’s personality was as bright as the reflection of the sun on the water, and you were basking in it. There was never much to do in this town, you didn’t mind. But now that Jinnie was here, you had lots to look forward to, your schedule didn’t seem as mundane.

Saturday night you two were having dinner at your home once more, this time he brought you flowers, and you were cooking. You had music playing from the old music player in your living room.

                “What did Mr. W pull you aside for yesterday? I forgot to ask.” You said as you stirred the seasonings for the oven baked potatoes.

                “You forgetting to ask something? Impossible.” Jinnie joked. You turned around and gave him the stink eye, he giggled.

                “He wanted to look at my sketchbook, he said on Monday he wants me to bring in some of my work that’s on a canvas.”

You flipped around, “no way.” Jinnie gave you a look as if he didn’t know why you were surprised, “he’s scouting you!”

                “Psh no.” He waved his hand then took a sip of the wine he brought for you both.

                “Psh yes.” You said back and started to pour the seasoning on the potatoes. Once they were in the oven you sat down next to him at the table.

                “Mr. W takes one student from the class and scouts them, then if he chooses you then you get a trip to Paris for a chance to display your work at a gallery.” You explained, “I got picked my first year here when I was a student, look.” You stood up and grabbed the picture frame that was on your side table in the living room. You stomped back over and showed him the photo.

                “See look.” You shoved the picture frame in his hands, “I was really young and he really took me in. I owe him a lot.”

Jinnie smiled at your photo, you were holding what he presumed to be your artwork, you didn’t look much different, “your hair was shorter.”

                “That’s what you’re taking from this? Jinnie!” You grabbed the frame from him again, but he didn’t want to let go.

                “Wait I wanna look at you more.” Jinnie giggled, you sighed and let go of the frame. After a few minutes of him asking questions about your younger self he handed it back.

                “You really think he’s scouting me?” Jinnie asked and poured more wine for himself and you.

                “Absolutely! Whenever I walk by your station I may or may not peek at what you’re working on.”

Mr. W had to be scouting him, this is what your mentor does when he notices talent. Jinnie had that talent.

                “You look at my work while I’m working!?” He dramatically waved his hands around and it made you giggle.

                “I did when we first met, didn’t I?”

Jinnie thought for a moment then nodded, “okay you did but I let you.”

                “And why did you exactly?”

                “I told you; I think you’re pretty, beautiful, gorgeous even, the most beautiful view here. Why wouldn’t I give you the opportunity to be charmed by my work.” The wine must’ve started kicking in because he was getting bold.

You face heated up and you felt yourself scoffing, “you still have to teach me your methods. I am still holding you to that.”

                “I hope you do.” Jinnie said and leaned back smiling. He talked more about his walks he would take when you were working, saying he finally did find the perfect spot to take you painting. You eventually pulled out the bake potatoes and set up your plates, you also fried vegetables. Plating the food, you set it down in front of him.

                “This smells wonderful.” He smiled up at you. You smiled back warmly and sat in front of him, “can you teach me something?”

You picked up on him always wanting to learn something from you, “coffee grounds are bad for your drain… uhhhh…” You thought for a moment, “I don’t think Vincent Van Gogh killed himself.”

                “Oh? Elaborate.” Jinnie loved listening to you, and you loved listening to him. Eventually you two finished eating and you found yourself digging under your bed for old artwork. He wanted to see your portrait work.

                “Most of them I sold to tourists at the market when I first moved here. These are the leftovers.” You handed him the canvases and he looked at your art in awe. It ranged from big to small pieces, all capturing these people’s details. Their very soul on your canvas.

                “These are beautiful…” He breathed; he traced the canvas with his finger extremely delicately. You looked down.

                “You should’ve seen the ones that were sold, I didn’t want to let them go but I had to make money, and this was before my bookstore job.” You spoke sadly, he looked up at you.

                “We will make more pieces like these together.” Jinnie then looked down and more at your other artwork. The thought made your soul happy; you went to dig more under your bed and found old sketchbooks, one labeled abstract and you handed it to him.

                “These were from highschool, if they are a bit dark, I apologize, I don’t really like looking back at these much.” You handed it to him and ever so softly he took it and started flipping through the pages. You found yourself scooting next to him and looking at the worn pages with him. Your eyes went to his face, he looked concentrated as he read the words hidden in your work.

                “You made these in highschool?” He whispered, you nodded.

                “It wasn’t the best time in my life… Some decisions I made led me here though, so I guess part of me should be thankful.” You whispered back. The music from the living room still playing a bittersweet tune.

                “I can relate, although my last year was when I sold myself.” He flipped the page; you were studying him while he studied your work.

You looked back at the sketchbook in front of him, one day you knew you would find out about him. Maybe that night was tonight, “can you tell me?”

Jinnie looked back at you softly setting the book down, he was so gentle with your work, “yeah… I can tell you. But you can’t tell anyone else otherwise I have to leave.”

                “I promise.” You looked him in his eyes, you could drown in them. He stood up and led you to sit down next to him on your bed. You shifted so one leg was dangling off and the other was folded on the bed. He sat forward, hands together. He looked stressed.

                “Jinnie you don’t have to tell me if you aren’t ready.” Your hand found his way to his shoulder, and he looked at you.

                “No, it… it’s okay, I want to tell you.”

You nodded and got ready to have your listening ears on.

                “I used to live in Seoul, like Korea. I was very popular,” he looked away, “I was an idol, that’s why I can sing and dance. People really loved me, as much as I liked it, popularity comes with controversy. Almost every week something was wrong or something horrible was being said to me.” Jinnie took a deep breath and you grabbed his hand, he squeezed it and continued, “as much as I loved being in the spotlight and seeing the adoring eyes of people, I couldn’t take the constant pressure, getting in trouble for rumors someone else started, things I didn’t even do, I was tired, I was always scared of someone always watching me, so I ran the second I could. It is irresponsible of me, and I am sure the past month people have been freaking out, but maybe not, I don’t know, I wasn’t allowed to be active anyways when I left.”

Your hand squeezed his again, “I don’t think you’re a coward Jinnie, I just think you were burnt out and lost. That is okay and it doesn’t make you any less of who you are.”

He nodded, “thank you.”

                “Anything for you.” You spoke wholeheartedly.

                “Can you tell me why you ran?” He asked, you took a deep breath and nodded, Jinnie turned his whole body towards you, now he held both your hands in his large ones. He always wore the same rings.

                “In high school, I didn’t have a lot of friends, so when I finally did make them, I was naïve. I really landed myself in the wrong crowd. I was young and stupid to think these people actually did care for me. One of them I thought I fell in love with,” you felt your eyes start to water, “I was wrong, it wasn’t love, my frontal lobe hadn’t even developed so how was I supposed to know that what was happening to me wasn’t love.”

A tear fell from your eye, and he caught it with his hand. You continued, “at some point it started getting really bad, I got really scared for my safety and my family’s safety so I ran. I never looked back.”

Jinnie held tightly onto your hands, “thank you for telling me.” His voice was calming, and you found yourself crashing into him, hugging him desperately. He cradled you in his arms and let you cry.

                “It’s okay… Y/n let it out… I know…” His hand found its way to your head, and he played with your hair.

                “I miss being home, but I know it’s safer for everyone that I left.” You said in between sobs. Hyunjin just held onto you tighter.                 “I know… I know exactly what that feels like.” Hyunjin kept wiping away your tears as they fell, at some point he let a few of his own tears fall.

Chapter 3: His Kindness & His Birthday

When you woke up the next morning you had a killer headache, when you stood up your head felt like someone took a bat and constantly smacked you.

                “God…” You mumbled and walked toward your bathroom, you cleaned yourself up and started to recall what happened last night. When you walked out of your room you smelled food; good food, was Jinnie still here? You walked down your hallway quickly and saw him standing by the stove, he was cooking. Your curious eyes silently watched him as he stirred what you presumed to be scrambled eggs. He must’ve brought cooking ingredients over from his home. You watched as he swayed back and forth to the music he had playing on; he really could dance. It made you smile to yourself; he really could feel the music. It was impressive.

You didn’t want to embarrass him, so you walked back to your room and called his name.

                “Jinnie!” You re-walked down the hallway.

                “Cooking breakfast!” He called back, you walked into the kitchen, he turned around and grinned at you. The sun was peeking through the curtains, and he was illuminated beautifully, “good morning. Are you feeling okay?”

                “I have a bit of a headache.” You said and looked at what he was cooking, you were right, scrambled eggs.

                “Here, I’ll get you some water. Watch the eggs please.” He spun around and started getting you your glass. You hummed and watched the eggs; it was scarily domestic. Part of you didn’t mind, Jinnie is kind and you have never related to anyone as much as him.

Jinnie handed you a cold glass of water and took over the food again, “drink up, if needed we can run to a less secluded town for headache meds.”

                “I think I might still have some in the cabinet in the bathroom…” You pondered and sipped the water. He started to plate the eggs and put jam on the toast.

                “Where did you get all this food?” You asked, as you sat down on the table. He quickly put the food down and sat with you.

                “I had some back at my house and then I picked up the jam this morning from the general store.” He said simply.

You nearly choked on your food, “you walked to town this morning?”

Jinnie nodded, “mhm, after our crying session last night we must’ve both passed out. You were still asleep when I woke up, so I wanted to make you breakfast.”

                “That’s very kind of you.” You took a bite of your food and once again your tastebuds were delighted.

                “I figured it would be nice after yesterday.” He spoke softly. Yeah, yesterday… You were hit with waves of memories. He ended up telling you why he ran, and you told him why you ran too. He was an idol… Like a celebrity?

                “Do you have any questions? You have a cute funny look on your face.” Jinnie looked up at you.

                “So you were-“ You didn’t even know how to ask.

Jinnie wiped his mouth of any crumbs, “an idol, performer, celebrity, whatever you want to call it.”

You nodded, “are you ever going to go back?” Part of you didn’t want him to. Your eyes just watched him as he shrugged and looked away from you.

                “Not for a while…” He mumbled, then made eye contact with you, “so you’ll be bothered by me for a long time.” Jinnie smiled at you which you gladly returned to him.

                “I look forward to it.”

                                                                                ~+~

The next week on his birthday you showed up at his home in the early morning, you were surprised that he was already up. Sometimes you noticed you had to grab the key under his mat and get him out of bed.

                “Good morning, Y/n!” He said in a sing song voice, you noticed his basket was packed full of things.

                “Good morning, Jinnie!” You grabbed the pumpkin bread from behind your back, “happy birthday!”

You saw his eyes light up and he grabbed the bread, smelling it. After, he set it down and pulled you in a hug, “thank you!”

When he pulled away, he put his hands on your shoulders, “you’re free today right?”

                “Yes, I called off for your birthday.” You smiled brightly up at him.

Jinnie clasped his hands together, “perfect!” He quickly rushed to his basket and put the bread in, “we are going for a walk!”

                “Right now?” You questioned.

                “Yes!” He grabbed his basket and your hand, “we need to pick up your art supplies!”

After the pitstop at your home, you two went on your way.

                “It’s your birthday I should be surprising you!” You walked and swayed your bag back and forth. He giggled and copied your actions.

                “Well, this is how I want to spend my birthday.” Jinnie said, he led the way, walking in front of you. He would steal glances at you as you two walked.

                “Where are we heading?” You were so curious as to where your mysterious neighbor, companion, friend, was leading you.

                “You never fail to be so curious.” His voice was warm.

                “Welllllllll!” You continuously swung your bag back and forth.

Jinnie turned around to look at you and turned his head, there was something in his eyes you couldn’t pinpoint, “do you trust me?” He asked.

You nodded your head, “yes I do.”

                “Perfect.” He grabbed your hand and continued to lead you. You really tried not to get nervous, then your hand would become sweaty.

He started to lead you to the back side of the neighborhood, you decided to keep asking him questions.

                “Is thiiiis… A nice place we’re going to?”

                “Of course, it’s nice, I’m actually surprised that you haven’t been here.” He spoke.

You looked at him, “I don’t usually go this way. Can you still dance for me.”

Jinnie giggled, “yes Y/n.”

                “Sing?”

                “Yes, Y/n only for you.”

You started to swing your hands back and forth, you two were walking next to each other now.

                “Okay we are getting close so close your eyes.” Jinnie said excitedly.

Your eyes closed and you couldn’t help but smile, you let him guide you deeper into the trees. Your feet almost betrayed you a couple of times, with the rock and loose dirt, but he caught you and just held onto you tighter. You felt his warm hands on your arms then they covered your eyes.

                “No peeking.” He said, you let a giggle out.

                “I’m not peeking!”

                “Suuuure.” He teased.

In the next minute he took his hands off your face, “okay wait here.” You heard him giggling and shifting around.

                “I have to get cushions down n stuff.” He explained, “keep your eyes closed!”

                “I am! I am! I promise.” You covered your own eyes. You heard him shuffle around more until finally.

                “Okay open!”

When you opened your eyes you were met with a beautiful scenic lake, and Jinnie was standing there with a ‘well?’ stance.

                “I found this place a little while ago while getting lost to the town, total opposite direction. But it was worth it.” He jogged up to you, “plus it’s perfect to paint.”

You never really had someone be this thoughtful in years, let alone someone who wants to take care of you just because. It was hard to not get a little emotional.

                “Wow…” You breathed.

                “Perfect right?!” He grabbed your hand and sat you down on the cushion. He pulled out the canvases and paints.

                “Just try to paint it, I want to see you do it. Not how I do it.” He said and sat down next to you. You nodded, still in awe about this whole thing. You took out your brushes and started to paint, this time you felt eyes on you. You weren’t watching him paint; he was observing you now.

                “You’re making me nervous.” You spoke just above a whisper.

                “You do this to me all the time.” Jinnie leaned closer to you, you could feel his breath on you.

                “Does it make you nervous?” Your eyes kept going back and forth from the view to your canvas. You kept your stomach erupt in butterflies when he leaned even closer to you.

                “Yeah, it does.” Jinnie said, “you’re doing great by the way, I don’t see why you need my help with this.” He continued to watch you paint in silence, you were about halfway done.

                “Did you even need my help?” Jinnie teased.

You whipped your head over to him and bumped your face with his, he started giggling almost manically.

                “What?” You questioned him, waving the paintbrush, you ended up splattering paint on him. Now both of you were laughing.

                “You know what!” He grabbed a brush and started whipping paint at you too. You two started to battle with paintbrushes. The different color droplets started to spray everywhere.

                “Ah! Jinnie!” You grabbed a glob of blue acrylic paint and whipped it at him, he retaliated by grabbing yellow paint. At some point you two were chasing after each other.

                “Get back here!” Jinnie said, you turned around and saw he was right behind you. You yelped and started to run backwards right into the lake. Jinnie started laughing at you now that you were soaked. But when he skidded at the edge of the lake, he slipped on the mud. His body landed right next to yours with a splash. His head peaked out of the water, his hair everywhere. The water droplets mixing with the paint that stained his face. You didn’t know how he could look more beautiful.

                “Look who’s laughing now.” You teased him. His large hand splashed water at you. You gasped and splashed water back at him. You both eventually stood up still splashing water at each other. You started to try and wade away from him, still laughing. You made it out of the water and kept running.

                “Y/nnnnn!” He whined, you turned around and taunted him. You closed your eyes and stuck your tongue out. Before you knew it, he was dragging you back into the lake. You were yelping and laughing.

                “Jiiiinniee!”

                                                SPLASH

When you opened your eyes, you saw he was right on top of you, “whoops I fell in too.”

                “You schmo!” You laughed, closing your eyes again, and tilted your head back, letting the lake soak your hair.

                “Schmo?!” He grabbed your shoulders and lightly shook you, your giggles escaping you. When you opened your eyes again your hair was partially blocking your view. But once again you were met with his eyes staring back at you with that far off look he had earlier. Jinnie smiled at you like you were a warm cup of coffee on the coldest day of the year. His hand, still dripping with the lake water brushed your hair out of your eyes.

                “Tu es belle (beautiful girl).” Jinnie whispered under his breath.

                “Where did you learn that?” You whispered back, his hand cupped your cheek.

                “Picked up stuff from Gram.” His eyes never left yours, “she wanted me to know how to compliment you, to woo you per say… I intend to do so. Is it working?”

                “Oui.” You grinned at him and tilted your head back again, partially because you didn’t want him to see your flustered face. Your face burned when you felt his soft lips touch your cheek; your breath hitched, and you looked up at him.

                “Was that too much?” He asked his voice wavering slightly, one of his hands still held onto your waist and to the side of your face.

                “It wasn’t enough.” You put your hands on his cheeks and kissed him. He jumped a bit before quickly melting into your touch.

                                                                                                ~+~

                “I think that this piece is better than any of my landscapes.”

You looked at the painting you created which was now hung on his wall, “you helped create it.”

                “The paint splatters really do add to the landscape, don’t they?” Jinnie placed his hands on your waist, “definitely my favorite birthday present, this year.”

                “I’m glad this birthday was good for you.” You grinned up at him and tackled him into a hug. He started laughing.

                “You made it better.” He kissed your forehead.

                “Walk with me to school tomorrow?” You questioned.

                “Mmmm I’d have to check my schedule… I think I only have a rose bush to nurture with a gorgeous girl in the afternoon… Yeah, I can fit you in for a walk in the morning.”

                                                                                                ~+~

The next few weeks were peaceful, you and Jinnie’s routine became a part of your lives. He started to sleep over often, and you would sleep over at his home frequently as well. Your favorite thing to do with him was cook, sometimes he would sway with you while the pasta boiled. He would softly spin you while the bread needed to rise. Jinnie was a dream come true in your world. Your heart never felt so safe with anyone before. Life was simple and you two cherished that. The way he would look at you with love and adoration in his eyes is something you will always cherish.

Now you were painting in the living room of his home, he was picking up groceries so you two could bake together for Gram. You bit the end of the wood on your paintbrush, a sick habit you have developed over time. One Jinnie would giggle at.

                “My intended I’m home!” He called from the door, you quickly hopped up and followed his voice. There he was in all his glory, with his basket overflowing with groceries. You grinned and practically jumped in his arms. Jinnie yelped and then returned your giggles.

                “Miss me?”

                “Always.” You pulled away and led him to his kitchen. You helped him put away groceries and started to set up for the now weekly bread. Gram was very happy about this.

                “Oh, I also picked something up from the back of the market.” Jinnie sprung up and walked back outside, the way he sauntered always made you smile. He made you smile, especially when he came back from outside with this giant box.

                “This guy at the back of the market was selling things, and I noticed on your bookshelf you have a lot of old golden spine books at the top of your shelf.” He spoke excitedly, you honestly forgot about those old children’s books at the top, your main priority now was the old art books. Jinnie set the box on the counter, “the guy I think said that he had no idea if it still works, but! Even if it doesn’t maybe you could take the cases and make a collage.”

You opened up the big box and saw a ton of old VHS tapes, with a player to watch them. You saw old films from the 90s that ranged from The Titanic to old Disney Princess movies. Your eyes lit up, before you left home you had an obsession with movies of any kind. Your obsession slowed down when you moved here.

                “Jinnie what about a TV?” You looked up, questioning him.

He gave you a toothy grin, “when I first bought this house he mentioned a REALLY old TV in the attic. If it doesn’t work, we can just take a trip to the next town over.”

Once again, your eyes lit up, “Jinnie!” You hugged him again and he smiled into your neck.

                “I figured it would be nice to watch movies other than art documentaries in class, not that I don’t love them.” He mumbled, still holding onto you as if you would disappear any minute, “I also picked something else up.” He pulled away from you and pulled something out of his pocket, it was a small gold necklace, with a rose adorned on the front.

                “Jinnie…!” Your breath hitched.

He spun you around and placed the necklace on you, “he was also selling antique jewelry, he discounted it for me. It reminds me of the rosebush that’s now blooming outside of my house. All because of you.”

You turned around and hugged him tightly. Hwang Hyunjin was everything you wanted in a partner...

                “You’re so thoughtful.” You pulled away from him, looking at him with stars, “we can set up the movie night tonight and thank you so much for the necklace! Now! Gram has some bread to be made!”

Jinnie nodded with the same dreamy look and you two started baking up a storm. Gram was very happy seeing you two spend so much time together. You noticed how overtime Jinnie really did pay so close attention to her stories. He loved them, especially the love stories. Part of him didn’t seem real to you. When you two parted ways from Gram she gave you and Jinnie a hug and you two walked back across the street.

                “You seem to pay more attention to me than Gram now.” He teased, opening his door. You huffed as he let you in first.

                “I can’t help it, you’re cute when you’re enthralled in something.” You spun around.

Jinnie chuckled, “I’ll set everything up, do you want to maaaaybe plate some fruit and bread for us pleaaaase.”

                “Didn’t you just have my pumpkin bread at Grams?” Your eyes teased him. Jinnie whined and you quickly gave in. You skipped into the kitchen and started to make a snack, it was getting late and you assumed you were sleeping here so you sidetracked into his room. Looking around you found your set of pajamas that you kept at his home. Then you skipped back into the kitchen and finished plating your guy’s food. From the room you heard him curse slightly, you walked in and set the plates on the coffee table. Squatting by him you softly rubbed his back.

                “Want tea too?”

Jinnie nodded, his brows furrowed. You could tell he was determined to make this movie night work. It was something you really loved about him; he would try. You were never used to men like this growing up. You happily started the kettle and made tea.

                “MY DEAREST INTENDED!” He started running into the kitchen, “I did it! I did it!”

                                                                                                ~+~

                “Are you sure you want to go through the chest?” He asked as you knelt at the foot of your bed, you took a deep breath and nodded.

                “I think it’s time, plus I might’ve stole a couple photo albums, you’ll get to see baby me.”

Jinnie grinned at this and you unlocked the big trunk, it was like how you left it two years ago, almost three. You had an old sweater, joggers, your backpack, laptop, phone, everything.

                “Woah.” Jinnie said and started digging through the trunk of stuff. He was really looking for the small photo albums. You took out your phone and laptop, tossing them aside.

                “I totally forgot I packed this.” You giggled as you picked up a copy of The Shining.

                “Are you a Stephen King fan?” He mumbled, still looking for the photos of your past. You hummed.

                “I was, then I read IT and got weirded out.”

You heard Jinnie laugh, then he pulled out something from your backpack, “a Taylor Swift CD?”

                “I WAS LIKE 19!” You retorted; he started giggling more.

                “I prefer Lana Del Rey, but I can enjoy Taylor Swift.” He teased you, then he finally found what he was looking for. The small old photo albums.

Your body curled up next to him as you pointed out various family members, he listened intently. You thought going through this old trunk was going to be horrible, but with Jinnie, it wasn’t. He asked questions about your family and you happily answered them laughing or with stories that were stored in your memories. You even got reminded of some stuff. If something sparked a story in Jinnie he would tell it to you as well.

                “You’d love my mom.” Jinnie said and giggled at your baby photos.

                “I think my mom would love you, my dad is hard to win over though.”

Jinnie chuckled then looked at you with a serious look, “do you think we will ever see them again? Or even get to meet them?”

                “God, I hope so…” Your voice was quiet. You wanted so badly to introduce Hyunjin to your parents. You know they would love him and be so happy for you. He is everything your parents wanted for you. Respectful, smart, charming, they have always wanted that for you. Now that you have it, you want them so badly to see you this happy. They would be proud of you.

                “I think we will get to meet each other’s families.” Jinnie spoke suddenly. You looked at him.

                “You think?” Now you were fully pulled out of your thoughts.

Jinnie nodded, his hair falling in front of his eyes, which you pushed softly away.

                “I know we will get to. You are my intended after all.”

                                                                                                ~+~

You ended up being right about Mr. W scouting Jinnie for the next exhibit in Paris.

                “Jinnie you have to except it.” You paced back and forth, your feet pittering and pattering on the old wood.

                “Y/n I don’t know. Don’t you think that’ll bring too much attention to me?” You two were currently talking about whether or not he should take it. At this point the semester was nearly over, and that means the Paris trip would be soon. You knelt by him on the couch.

                “You could always do a fake name… Maybe cover your face…” You looked up at him, “Jinnie this is really big for your art.”

He looked conflicted, “if that doesn’t work then what am I going to do? Go back and leave you here? I can’t do that…”

                “You’re worried about having to leave me?” You leaned your head on his knee, he caressed your cheek. His fingers drifted to the necklace he gave you weeks ago. You seemed to only take it off while you bathed. Not that he paid attention to that or anything.

                “Of course, I am, I know I wouldn’t have a choice if I was found out.”

                “Hyunjin…” You stood up and sat next to him, his hair had grown out more and he had the same scared dog look to him again. Just like he did when you first met him.

                “Y/n, I don’t know what I would do, I know I sound crazy and I know it hasn’t been that long, I know I wear my heart on my sleeve and I know I romanticize every little thing, I can’t just- I-“

You put your hand in his, “it’s okay Jinnie. We aren’t at that yet, and that might not even happen.”

He nodded and took a deep breath, “I’ll explain my situation to Mr. W. Tell him my conditions and then we will go from there.”

                Your lips curved into a smile, and you kissed his cheek, “I’m so proud of you, Hyunjin, even if you decide not to go.”

Jinnie looked at you and he looked more relaxed, he squeezed your hand, “I love you so much.”

You had to force your brain to not make your tears flow, “I love you more.”

                “I’ll talk to him tomorrow after class,” he stood up, “I want you to come with me if I go to Paris.”

Jinnie pulled you with him, your body crashed into his and he held you.

                “You do?” Your eyes loved the sight of him.

                “I do.” He lifted both of your hands on his shoulders and put his on your waist, “I know you have work but-“

                “I want to go with you, I want to support you. I’d go anywhere with you.”

Jinnie smiled warmly at you, “I’ll have to hold you to that.”

                “You still have to sing to me.” Your eyes playfully narrowed at him, he huffed and swayed you two.

                “I sing to you all the time, it’s not my fault you’re always already asleep.” He gave you a funny look back. You pretended to be offended.

                “No fair! Sing me to sleep tonight!” You said, he giggled and spun you. You ended up crashing into him.

                “Say please my intended.”

You looked up at him, “please sing me to sleep tonight.”

Jinnie kissed you softly, you kissed him back and whined a bit when he pulled away, “as you wish.”

                                                                                ~+~

The next morning on the walk to school Jinnie really took in his surroundings like it would be the last time to. It really scared you. He wouldn’t get out of bed until you two absolutely had to. He wouldn’t let go of you while you cooked breakfast, and he wanted you to stay in the kitchen when he prepped your guys’ lunch.

                “Jinnie are you okay?” You noticed how he really was looking at the sunrise on the hill. He looked at you and sighed.

                “I’m just preparing for the worst.”

You were worried about him, “Jinnie, I know what I said but if you really don’t want to do this-“

                “My love, I’ve always wanted to have my art in an exhibit, and- and you’re right. I need to at least try. Maybe he won’t even care that I want to go by another name. That’s pretty normal for artists.”

                “That is true…” You nodded and mumbled, “but what if he looks up your legal name?”

                “I don’t think he will.” Jinnie said, “at least I really hope not.”

When you two finally made it to school you noticed how he didn’t let go of your hand. Usually he would, you both decided to only tell Gram about your relationship.

                “It’ll be okay Hyunjin…” You said to him, he nodded and walked into class first, finally letting go. You quickly followed after him. The whole time you could tell he wasn’t paying attention, his leg would bounce, and his brush would shake before it hit the canvas. It really hurt your heart to see him like this. You didn’t know what to do about this. He wanted this but his past life was still holding him hostage. No matter what though, you were determined to be there for him.

Chapter 4: Broken Trust

After class you waited for Jinnie to stop talking to Mr. W, you picked at your fingernails trying to calm yourself down. Seeing how nervous he was made you feel like throwing up. Taking a deep breath, you leaned your head back against the wall.

                “It’ll be okay…” You mumbled to yourself. Your eyes closed and you tried to calm yourself down. Part of you knew Jinnie had to go back at some point, even you had to go back at some point. You just hope that maybe it would be you two together going back and facing what you both left. You should really call your parents soon… Your eyes shot open, and you stood up when the door opened. Jinnie smiled at Mr. W and wished him a good day. Then he turned to you.

                “He is totally okay with it.” Jinnie beamed at you and hugged you tightly, “I really want you to come with me.”

Your giggles started when you felt his hair tickle your face, “I will be there.”

                                                                                                ~+~

                “I want to call my parents.” You said to him a couple days later. He looked up from his plate with wide eyes.

                “Are you sure?” Jinnie asked, his mouth full, eyes still wide.

You swallowed hard and nodded, “I’m sure. I think they need to know that I’m okay, all I left them was a note saying I’d be back soon. I feel guilty about it.”

Jinnie nodded, “do you want me to be next to you when you call?”

                “Please. I know it’s sort of a lot to ask but- “

He grabbed your hand from across the table, “nothing is too much for you to ask of me.”

Your nerves calmed and you nodded, “thank you Jinnie.”

                “You’re most welcome, my intended.”

After dinner you two sat on the floor, your landline phone and your actual cell phone next to each other. The plan was, if the landline didn’t get an answer, then it was a last resort to turn on your old cell phone and call.

                “Are you nervous?” Jinnie asked as he sat cross-legged in front of you. Your shoulders shrugged.

                “What if they get mad at me? What if they hate me for leaving?”

Hyunjin took a deep breath, “did they know what was going on?”

You nodded softly, “my dad even went to the court room, he stayed outside but he knew what was going on.”

                “I don’t think they will be mad.” Hyunjin lightly pushed the phone towards you. You took a deep breath and started to dial. Your hands shook and Hyunjin held your free hand.

                Brrrr brrrr brr- click

                “Hello?” It was your dad’s voice, you felt that feeling in your throat. You were choked up. You froze. Hyunjin mustve sensed this because he tried to get you back to reality asap.

                “Dad?” You said quickly, thankful Hyunjin snapped you out of it.

                “If this is some joke, I don’t think this is very fucking funny.” Your father’s voice was stern, just as you remembered it.

                “No-No it’s me. Y/n L/n, it’s me, your kid, the one who used to eat the dead flies off the bay window.” You spoke quickly, you saw Jinnie give you a funny look. He was trying to not laugh or make fun of you in this moment.

                “Y/N!” Your dad sounded relieved to hear your voice, “I-I’m so glad you’re okay… We didn’t know when you were going to come back, and you never answered any calls.”

                “I know… I’m really sorry, I was stupid and thought everything was going to be safer if I left.” You spoke softly.

Your dad let out a sigh, “Kiddo, your heart was in the right place… Home is safe now, we moved, and the door is always open for you.”

Your eyes started to water, “you guys moved?”

                “Yeah, a couple months after you left, we figured you left because of the situation, some people were saying that he finally- I don’t even want to get into it.” There was a pain in his voice.

                “I’m so sorry. I feel like it was my fault, I still feel like if I didn’t- “

Your dad interrupted you, “Y/n. Nothing was your fault.”

The tears fell and you covered your mouth, choking on a sob, you heard your dad tell you to breathe. Something that when you were a teenager, he had to tell you quite often. You were almost an exact copy of him, he knew how bad it could get. You missed this familiarity.

                “I’m sorry.” You repeated.

                “It’s okay, I promise. I will give you our new address, visit whenever you want. Please call whenever you want. I know you probably don’t want to disclose where you are and that’s okay. I’m just so happy you aren’t dead.”

Your father gave you the new address and you wrote it down. After catching up a bit, the call ended. Jinnie stayed by your side the entire time, he read his book and held your hand. When the call was finished, he softly set the book down.

                “How do you feel?”

You tackled him in a hug on the couch, “I’m so happy Hyunjin!”

                                                                                                ~+~

                “Okay Y/n is everything packed?” Jinnie asked, you nodded. After you called your dad, Jinnie figured going on a nice weekend trip would help with the heaviness of the past couple weeks. He didn’t tell you where you guys were going, but you trusted him with everything.

                “Can you pleaaase tell me?” You asked as you two walked to the town for the millionth time. He started to pack your bags in the rental car.

                “No, it’s a surprise.” He evilly giggled. You whined.

                “Can you give me a hint?” You leaned against the car.

Jinnie looked at you with his hand on his hip, “no.”

                “Have I been there before?”

He rolled his eyes and pecked your lips, “I really hope not.” He closed the trunk and you two started your drive.

                “I haven’t been in a car in forever.” You mumbled looking around the interior. Jinnie laughed a little and kept his eyes on the road.

                “Don’t get carsick, it’s sort of a long ride.”

You hummed and nodded, “Jinnie?”

                “Yes, my intended?”

                “Are you excited for the Paris exhibit?”

Your eyes watched as his toothy grin formed, “yes Y/n I’m ecstatic.”

                “Good!” You smiled, matching his grin.

As the car ride carried on, you started to doze off. Jinnie said it was okay if you fell asleep, so you let yourself doze off. When you woke, you were still driving, so you fell asleep again.

                “I have to get gas; do you have to use the restroom or anything?” He shook you softly awake. You stirred and looked at him sleepily. His smile at you warmed. He looked at you as if you were a warm blanket after a long day outside during the coldest of winters.

                “Mmm I’m hungry…” You mumbled and took off your seatbelt.

                “Okay let me gas up and I will go in with you.”

You nodded and waited for him, after he fed the car, he parked in the lot and opened your door for you. Your hand found his and you two walked to the little convenience store. When your eyes landed on all the snacks and things they practically sparkled. You hadn’t seen stuff like this for years.

                “Jinnie! Look!” You pulled him to the sunglasses. You grabbed a pair and put one on, “do these look nice?”

                “Hmmmm, try these ones.” He said and switched them out. You giggled as he put them on your face, after adjusting them and looking into the mirror you nodded. They were circular and red, very old fashioned.

                “I like these!”

Jinnie helped you to get some snacks and he paid for them, much to your dismay. Before you knew it, you two were on the road again.

                “We are almost there I promise, I know we have been driving for a few hours…” Jinnie mumbled and glanced at you. You sat there munching on some snacks in your new sunglasses.

                “Okay Jinnie.” You smiled and took another bite.

He wasn’t wrong, you two were almost there, at some point when the mountain road cleared your eyes met the blue ocean.

                “Oh my god!” You practically jumped out of your seat.

                “Nice way to kick off the summer?” He asked.

You turned to him, your hair a mess, sunglasses slanted, clothes disheveled, “YES!”

Jinnie smiled and started toward the small home he rented for the weekend. It was a walk from the beach and right when he stopped the car you started running toward the water. You craved the warm sand on your toes and the cold water on your skin. Your feet didn’t stop until you jumped into the water, clothes and all. You saw Jinnie laughing and jogging after you. He always looked like a dream, someone so perfect could only be in your imagination. Yet… Here he was. He wasn’t imaginary, he was just perfect in your eyes.

                “This is amazing!” You laughed and waved your new shades back and forth. Jinnie stood by the water letting it hit his feet. You noticed how he was taking it all in as well.

                “I know we have to take a trip to Paris next week, but I thought that this would be a nice way to relax before things get busy again.”

You jumped out of the water and hugged him, getting him, all soaked from the ocean.

                “Ah!” He jumped and tried to get out of your grip.

                “Jiiiiinnnnie!” You whined and looked up at him, his eyes softened, and he kissed you. Perfect, you caught him off guard and you threw both of your bodies into the water. Just like back at home in the lake, where he kissed you the first time. His laughter rang through your ears, you didn’t think you would ever get tired of hearing his laughter. Jinnie’s crazy, loud, stupid laughter. It could make symphonies jealous.

                                                                                                ~+~

You two laid in bed with the balcony doors open. The moon shone in, illuminated the room in a pale blue. Almost like the room’s saturation was turned down. The ocean waves could be heard, sometimes the breeze would move the curtains. You laid there playing with his hair, you took in every mole and every imperfection. To you though, the imperfections is what made him human. It’s what made him your intended, just as you were his.

                “I need to get it cut before the exhibit.” He mumbled into your arm.

                “My boss at the bookstore used to trim mine.” You whispered. Hyunjin nodded.

He slowly opened his eyes; he was so beautiful inside and out. Yeah, sometimes he was a little odd, memories flashed in your head. Sometimes he would chase the birds on the way home from class, other times you noticed he just wanted to watch movies to cry. Hyunjin was one of a kind in your eyes, he was caring and compassionate. No other person compared to his kindness. No other person compared to his uniqueness in general.

                “Do you know why I call you my intended?” He asked and his hand found its way to your cheek. Your mouth curved slightly.

                “Why is that?”

                “I intend to stay with you. No matter what.” He softly kissed your cheek.

Your breath hitched, “you think I’m worth that?”

                “You’re worth more than anything, that’s why I spoil you so. You deserve it, you deserve everything. I want to be the one to give you that happy ending.” Hyunjin pulled away from you, eyes locking, “you have made this the best few months I have had in a while. You gave me hope that my childish fantasies of love were true. I am so glad I found that my hopes are within you.”

                “I want a happy ending with you.” You breathed, he smiled at you.

                “What kind of ending?”

You leaned on your back now, “I dunno, maybe one where we are all old and sometimes gross,” you heard him laugh before you continued, “maybe have a nicer home somewhere else, one where we own it together.” You turned to him, “maybe even get a dog or cat. No birds though, you’d chase it away.”

You felt his lips on yours, “it sounds perfect.”

                “What about…?” You looked at him.

                “Hmm?” Hyunjin asked, shuffling under the blankets.

                “What about your family?”

Hyunjin’s face fell a bit before going back to a lovestruck look, “I will have to go home at some point, but I will always come back to you. I promise.” He kissed your hand.

                “I love you, Hyunjin.”

                “I love you most, my intended.”

                                                                                ~+~

On the car ride home, you felt yourself getting really carsick, like REALLY carsick. The previous day you two ate at some seafood place and it was not agreeing with your stomach. In the morning you threw up the fish and Jinnie had to watch over you. He made jokes with made you laugh. It wasn’t all bad. You learned that even if he got grossed out, he would still be there.

You two stopped at the gas station once more and this time he bought a matching pair of sunglasses, just to make you smile. Everything felt too good to be true. When you two got home, it felt right to be home with him. Everything felt so perfect with him. He led you to your room and straight to your bathroom. You had to bathe after that long car ride. Jinnie helped you wash up and it was the most vulnerable you have ever been around another human. It opened your world to what you were missing. After what happened you tended to close your world heavily. You didn’t want to love when you didn’t know what love even was. Now you do.

                “My intended, I am going to grab some clean clothes from my house. Lay down here, do you need anything while I am away?” He set you down by the bed, your wet hair soaking the pillow.

                “I’m okay.” You smiled up at him, he looked down at you, eyes full of adoration. Jinnie nodded and headed out of the door. You started to fade in and out of consciousness. The drive and the food poisoning were really hitting you. You were tired, exhausted even.

At some point, you faded awake and you felt Hyunjin lay next to you, he held you tighter than usual. Your neck felt wet, but you just assumed that he showered or something. Your body just turned more into him, you let him hold you. His breathing was staggered and you would have asked if he was okay, if your own body wasn’t on shut down.

                “I love you so much, please know that.”

~*~

The next morning you woke up feeling so much better. The sickness was out of your system, you could hear the birds in the morning. The light shown in your curtains, it felt perfect. You got up thinking Jinnie was making breakfast, skipping in the kitchen you noticed that there was a plate of food. But no Jinnie. Your brows furrowed and you looked at the scene in front of you. The plate of seasoned potatoes and eggs, his sketchbook, and a note.             

                           Y/n, I don’t even know how to start this, I guess I should just explain when I got back to my house to pick up my clothes one of my old friends was there, he started bawling and hugging me when he finally saw me again he started saying how they looked for me everywhere, even though they weren’t technically allowed to, he said that Mr. W ratted me out to JYP. That is the company I am signed to. He ratted me out Y/n, and they came to pick me up. Apparently, I am allowed to work again. They paid Mr. W handsomely to give them My location, and he did.

Your eyes started to well up, you knew he was too good to be true. You took a deep breath and continued to read.

                               I didn’t want to leave; I told my friend I didn’t. But when I was about to walk out toward your house, the rest of my friends were there too. Some of the strongest people I know were crying when they saw me. People who usually don’t hug me, hugged me. I wanted to wake you up. Take you with me, I wanted you to always be in my world. But I was vetoed quickly. I am so sorry that I have to leave like this. When things settle down I promise I will come back for you. I always will. I am leaving you with my sketchbook. I promise Y/n, I promise you my Intended. I will be back. I am so very much in love with you.

-Your Intended forever, Jinnie.

Originally, you felt sad. Now a wave of anger washed over you. You put on your shoes and ran out, it was Monday, you were supposed to leave for France with Jinnie today. That wasn’t going to happen because of someone whom you looked up to. And for what? Money.

Your feet led you to the school, anger was an understatement. You slammed open the school door and stormed into the classroom. Mr. W stood there, looking at you with a shocked expression. He clearly wasn’t expecting you so early.

                “What is wrong with you!?” You yelled.

                “His friends were looking for him Y/n.” Your mentor said simply, “I did the right thing.”

                “You did the right thing for MONEY!” Your voice still raised, “I am going to the exhibit fucking alone, I am taking his work WITH me.” You started grabbing all of Hyunjin’s canvases.

                “Hyunjin was going to go back eventually when he HEALED, you sold him out because of your own selfish wants and needs.” You spoke with a lace of venom in your tone.

Mr. W scoffed, “again Y/n he was going to go back eventually, they needed to know where he was, I just delivered. And how on Earth are you going to do this without me? I taught you everything you know. You are supposed to take my position here.” You did not like when men talked to you like this.

                “I went to the exhibit last year, and I think if I explained how you sold out the artist picked this year, they will fucking understand why you aren’t there to join me. Find another apprentice, I am leaving.”

And that you did, you meant what you said. The driver that was going to take you to Paris showed up, Mr. W didn’t meet you at your home like he was supposed to. He was a rat, a selfish waste of space. The driver helped you with Hyunjin’s work and your own work. You might as well try and turn this situation positive. The whole drive there was awkward.

The whole exhibit felt wrong.

It felt like something was missing.

He was missing.

                                                                                                ~*~

Only one good thing came out of it, people liked yours and his work, many people asked to sell his work to them. You declined but sold all your own work. You sold all your possessions through the bookstore manager back at that small French town. You erased your existence there. You settled down in a small abode in the city. In the heart of Paris, you resided. Mr. W got a bad reputation at that school, the poetry teacher told you. She hunted you down after you left. She would give you updates on what was happening. Until eventually she would stop calling. That was the last connection cut from that little French town.

Slowly, your own art got more recognition. A year had passed, and you got popular in the art scene. You could afford more, as much praise as you were getting, you still felt so very empty. Most nights you found yourself looking up above the mantle, your favorite piece. It was priceless to you, your favorite landscape.

You sat on the couch mentally preparing for your next meeting, it was going to discuss the next exhibit location. Taking a deep breath, you leaned back. You finally made a name for yourself but at what cost. It wasn’t even your fault. The world you learned was littered with selfish people. The more meetings, the more people, the more people, the more your optimistic mindset declined. There was never a day that went by where you didn’t miss Hyunjin immensely. You researched him behind the scenes, you kept an eye on him. When he posted on their Instagram that he purchased one of your works, you bawled for days.

Taking another breath you stood up, he knew where to find you, yet he hasn’t. That isn’t on you. Grabbing your things you headed down to the lobby of your apartment. You sat in a boring meeting until someone rushed in, it wasn’t so mindless anymore.

                “I am so sorry, someone literally stole my bike and I had to rush here.” The man was very tall, hair a mess now. His clothing was impeccable. He had a warm drink in his hand, his glasses almost falling off his nose. He quickly walked to his seat, which was next to you.

When the meeting went on you started to get curious of the man next to you. He was attractive, no lie. Your stubborn heart wasn’t going to pine after him though. When the meeting ended and the location of your exhibit was chosen you quickly walked out.

                “Wait!”

You flipped around and saw the man goofily run up to you, “yes…?”

                “I wanted to introduce myself, I absolutely love your work and it took a lot of digging to even get into that meeting.” He fixed his glasses.

                “Oh.” You said simply. The grown man nodded and stuck his hand out.

                “I am Kim Namjoon.”

You smiled and shook his hand, “Y/n.”

You two started to walk together, “so that’s your real name?” He sparked conversation with your closed off demeaner so easily.

                “Yes, you didn’t think my name was actually ‘intended’ did you?” You asked, adjusting your coat. It was cold in the spring, although summer was coming quickly. You could just tell.

Namjoon let out a laugh, another unique laugh. You felt yourself smile softly to yourself.

                “Well, I wasn’t sure. Sometimes people have distinctive names.” He spoke with a tone that was so interesting to you. This Namjoon was an interesting individual.

                “I think your name is nice, I’ve never heard it before.” You spoke. Your bag swung a bit, you looked up at him. Namjoon’s brows furrowed.

                “You haven’t?” He asked.

                “I mean, it could be familiar, but I don’t know. Should I know it?” Your voice was teasing. The banter made Namjoon smile.

                “Well, I was just. I was just in a music industry so it threw me off slightly.” He said quieting his voice.

                “Oh?” You asked.

                “Yeah, I was in a k-pop group. Sometimes I still make music, but the group is only sometimes now. I don’t mind, the space from all of that lets me enjoy other forms of art.”

Your heart got reminded of what it was stolen of.

                “That’s good that you are growing every day.” You said, your tone was cold. A total 180, Namjoon didn’t seem to notice though. As he walked you to your apartment he asked about your work, about you, he made sure you were comfortable.

You ended up letting him in your apartment.

                “So, you were in a k-pop group?” You were curious, “was the company bad in any way?”

Namjoon’s brows furrowed, confused by your question. Also confused by your sudden interest in that part of his life.

                “Well, when I first started yeah it was rough. But then we just started controlling our own little section of the company. So, I am now in charge of what I do.” He spoke, sipping the tea you made for him.

                “Ah…” You sat down at the table with him, you looked out the window at the city. This window of the house barely showed the Eiffel Tower.

                “You are different then how I expected you to be.” Namjoon spoke. You perked up.

                “What is that supposed to mean?”

He let out a laugh, “its not a bad thing, with how dark your work is, part of me expected a very tortured very damaged person. However, looking at you now, I can still see you have a little spark in your eyes.”

Your eyes softened, you really thought that spark was gone from your soul. But if a complete stranger saw it, maybe the spark wasn’t died out completely.

                “You can?” Your voice softened, you didn’t want to cave so easily. However, you felt your walls starting to crumble. When you moved to Paris and started to get popular you were telling men and women left and right to fuck off if they wanted to court you. It was even worse if they TRIED to court you. But Namjoon, he seemed sincere. Your heart dropped when you saw your piece above the mantle. You caved in on yourself. Namjoon picked up on this.

                “Was that too much? I’m sorry.” He quickly apologized, you rapidly shook your head no.

                “it’s just been a while since I have sat down with someone like this.” You took a sip of your own tea, “it isn’t bad. Its just something different for me.”

Namjoon nodded, “I am in Paris for about a week, I was actually planning on going to your exhibit because either way I wanted to meet you, but I am ranting, anyways, if you would like to do this more, like sit down and talk.”

You looked up at him and smiled, “I would like that.”

                He was a little awkward, but maybe he was charming you slightly.

                                                                                                ~*~

You two ended up exchanging numbers after he had tea with you that one day, a couple days passed and you two decided to go to a local restaurant down the road. He was going to meet you at your apartment, and you would buzz him up. You put on your makeup and got dressed, back in the small town your clothing was lighter colors. Now you noticed it was all black and navy blue. Dark maroons sometimes littered your wardrobe as well. As you got changed you didn’t see the text reading that Namjoon couldn’t make it today. When your door buzzed you let whoever was here, up. When there was a knock at the door you rushed over, your long black dress flowing as much as it could with your long cardigan over it. You slipped your heels on and opened the door.

                “Jinnie- “

Chapter 5: I’m Sorry, I’m Late

“Jinnie-“your voice got caught in your throat. There he was, in front of you. His hair was different, but the curves of his face and his moles were exactly where you remembered him. You tried to draw him many times over the past year; you could never perfect him.

                “I’m sorry, I’m late.” He spoke, his voice was just as you remembered it. God…

In a shock to yourself your face contorted, “late for what Hyunjin.” Your cold voice stunned you.

                “I had a feeling you would be upset with me.” His voice was calm, he looked somewhat different, his hair was blond and long. It was a total 180 from the short choppy dark hair of Jinnie.

                “Can I come in?” he asked softly. You took a deep breath and stepped aside. He walked in, his clothes were different too. More chic, he looked expensive.

You walked over to your phone to see that Namjoon asked to reschedule, what rotten timing.

                “You still have our piece we made together, over the mantel.” He noted. Your heart wanted to be so mad at him. You were livid, he had left for a year, no words, no letters, nothing. Hyunjin just watched you from afar as you did him. It’s not like you had any way to contact him. He could’ve easily contacted you, but he didn’t.

                “Why are you here?” You asked trying to sound stern, it wasn’t real though. When it came to him your heart was on your sleeve. Your cold tortured artist façade now crumbled completely; it always did when your heart missed him.

                “I’m here for your exhibit.” He turned around and looked at you, now leaning on the arm of the couch, “your home is nice.”

                “My exhibit isn’t until a few days.” Your voice once again slightly quivering. You felt your posture stiffen.

                “I know that.” Hyunjin walked toward you, your eyes weren’t on him, but you could hear his shoes. His now expensive, shiny, pointy, stupidly classy shoes.

You finally gained enough courage to look at him, his brown eyes looking straight into you. The rolls were reversed now, your heart was the scared dog.

                “I said I was late because I heard from the grape vine about Namjoon visiting for your exhibit.”

Your eyes widened, how? It was one day…

                “My friend is friends with Namjoon’s friend. He apparently talks nonstop about you and your work. When Chris, my friend, told me, I came here as soon as possible.” He went to grab your hand and you pushed it away.

                “So, you only came here when you found out someone who has an interest in me was now getting to see me?” Obviously, this hurt you. It felt selfish and that wasn’t the Jinnie you knew.

                “Y/n you know I don’t mean it like that…” Hyunjin’s voice was pained. It broke you a little more knowing it was because of your own words. You walked past him, and you heard his footsteps following you. Whipping around you poked his chest.

                “You didn’t even reach out to me! You bought one of my works second hand! You knew exactly where to find me!” Your voice raised, “I waited for you!”

                “I know you did, and I am so sorry, I got caught up in so many schedules. And it was a lot. My parents missed me, and I missed my friends and the next thing I knew- “

                “And then you have the absolute AUDACITY to come to my home when I just started getting over you!” You backed him to the edge of the couch again.

Hyunjin looked at you with wide eyes, then they trailed down to your neck, “are you sure about that?” His voice was just above a whisper. Your brows furrowed and your hand came up to touch what his eyes were glued to.

                It was the necklace he gave you, in your defense you never take it off. It just became apart of you, just like he did.

                “Don’t think I didn’t notice my works wrapped up under the couch either.” He wasn’t walking on eggshells anymore, he was stomping. Your eye twitched.

                “What do you even want to get out of this Hyunjin!?” You didn’t look at him.

You felt his warm hand softly grab yours, he was back on eggshells again, his grip was as if you were blown glass.

                “I want you just as I always have.”

That was it, there was absolutely no getting over him. Any progress you made in the past year was gone. You looked away from him.

                “Please… Look at me…” He was trying not to cry, “say anything please.”

                “Not even a text? Or a letter?” Your voice broke, the floodgates had opened wetting your face.

Hyunjin wiped your tears as quickly as they leaked out of his favorite pair of eyes, “I tried, I didn’t know what to say. I will admit I am being impulsive and stupid. I shouldn’t have dropped everything the second I heard Namjoon was going to be at your meeting.”

Your brows furrowed again, and you looked up at him, “you dropped everything?”

                “Yes, in a heartbeat, the second Chris told me I booked a plane ticket without telling anyone. I was scared and I couldn’t- I couldn’t let you- “

The anger was back, and you pushed his hands off his face, “you couldn’t let me get over you!?” You turned your back to him and hugged yourself.

                “I couldn’t let someone else have you! Y/n, I messed up so badly. I know I did, I hurt you and left you with a stupid note and I didn’t even think about how much it would hurt you in the morning. I was overwhelmed. I should have visited you right when I knew you were here.” Hyunjin was desperately trying to get you to hear him out. Your heart was in a war between loving him and hating him.

Hating him was fueled by how much you were in love with him.

                “You have until my exhibit, to fix this. To prove to me that you won’t just leave again with a stupid note.” You turned around and his eyes filled with hope. The same hope before yours and his relationship was tainted.

You ended up having to let Hyunjin stay in your guest room, he didn’t book any kind of hotel or anything. He truly just bought a ticket to France, to you. The rest of that day was spent with him walking around your home and taking what you presumed to be mental notes.

Your outing with Namjoon was going to get rescheduled at your exhibit. At this point, your childish heart wanted the entire Earth to stop so you wouldn’t have to be with anyone but Hyunjin. But the adult brain in you told you that Hyunjin needed to prove that he wouldn’t just leave again.

~*~

The next morning you woke up and flipped over, totally forgetting yesterday’s events. When you heard music playing from your living room you got scared. You sprung up and rushed in, no one was in the living room. It was BRIGHT too, usually you have the curtains closed.

When you entered the kitchen, there he was. You weren’t dreaming.

                “Oh, did I wake you?” He turned around, his beautiful face more visible to you now. You mentally thanked the headband he had on.

                “No, I just-“ you didn’t know what to say.

                “I opened your curtains in the living room and in here, you have beautiful views of the city.” Hyunjin smiled at you and set a plate down at your small table, meant for two.

                “You made breakfast?” You asked, eyeing the plate. Your eyes then went up to him, he looked tired, he was still in his pajamas. Hyunjin nodded.

                “I am really jetlagged, so it was hard sleeping. I woke up really early and so I made breakfast.” Even through his drowsiness he smiled for you. You mumbled a thank you and sat down. You saw that he made a really good-looking fruit bowl with oatmeal.

                “I have hard boiled eggs in the fridge too. All picked up this morning. I didn’t want to use your food without permission.” He said and set down spoons and forks for you both.

                “You could have… It’s okay…” Your voice was quiet.

                “Do you have any plans today?” Hyunjin asked you. You took a bite of the fruit in the fruit bowl. He even picked the best fruit for you. You shook your head no.

                “Would you want to take a walk with me today? I was thinking about getting ice cream or a genuine French Crepe.” He took a sip of his tea.

                “Aren’t you worried about being recognized with me? Don’t you have fans?” You took a sip of your tea now.

                “Well, don’t you have fans now?” He slyly smiled at you, “I’ve heard some rumors about you.”

You gave him a look, “what do you mean?”

Hyunjin did one of his eye smiles and giggles, “you know at first, I was a little jealous when I heard that everyone in the art scene wanted to court you.” He sipped his tea and wiggled his eyebrows. You couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped you.

                “Not everyone.” You looked away, “they stopped after a bit.”

Hyunjin set his glass down which got your attention again, “ah of course they did, you gained the reputation of being unobtainable.”

                “Is that what they call me now?” You asked, now taking a spoonful of oatmeal.

                “Maybe, I wouldn’t call you that though.”

                “Confident, are we?” You asked him.

The man in front of you looked at you, a small huff of a laugh coming out of his nose, “maybe.”

~*~

He held the umbrella for you both as you walked down the busy street with him. A scene your heart never thought would come true.

                “Your clothes are darker colors now.” He noted, “they look nice on you.”

You nodded, “thank you, your hair doesn’t look choppy anymore.”

Hyunjin threw his head back and laughed, he almost hit you with the umbrella, “I got scolded and forced to get a haircut, they don’t let me touch it now.”

                “Your work?” You questioned. Hyunjin let out a hum of a yes. You frowned, “doesn’t it bother you…? Being put in a box like that?”

                “Oh, every day, but it’s worth it when I am on stage, dancing, singing, I missed it truly. I got my spark back.” He spoke with stars in his eyes.

                “Well, that’s good then. I am glad your trip helped you appreciate what you have.” You said and pushed your dark sunglasses up again.

                “My return though made me miss dearly what I gained on that trip.” Hyunjin said in a hushed voice, near your ear.

You looked at him, as much as you wanted to fight it, your heart belonged to him. It wasn’t time yet though; your mind was still scared.

                “The café is up there.” Hyunjin broke eye contact with you then led you to the café.

He ended up ordering for you in French, he spoke with confidence. It was a change from the markets in that oh so small town. You both sat outside after he paid.

                “I studied French on my free time when I got back.” Hyunjin spoke and took a bite of his sweet treat.

                “I was wondering how you spoke so confidently.” You sipped your hot coffee; you also picked a strawberry off your plate.

                “It made me think of you.” He spoke and gave you that stupid eye smile. It was almost torture.

You looked away biting back a smile, he was too charming for his own good. The little things he did were too much. It made your heart win the war over your brain.

                “Was the bed warm? In my guest room?” You questioned.

Hyunjin nodded, still smiling at you. He seemed thrilled to just be around you, “mhm!”

                “That’s… That’s actually a relief, I don’t usually have overnight guests.” Your lips curved into a smile. You looked up at him and his head was turned in question.

                “What?” You asked.

                “You don’t have guests?”

You shook your head no, “I don’t have people over like at all. One time my mom visited but that was a few months ago.”

                “You don’t get lonely?”

Your mind filled with memories of you sipping wine by yourself, letting a couple tears slip while the fire was the only thing that warmed your body. Quickly you snapped out of it.

                “No.” Your answer was short, “I did that before didn’t I?” Correction, you did that before you met Hyunjin. Then he opened your world only to leave you on the dark side of the moon.

                “Well, I just thought because your art style changed dramatically. The colors you used were always dark, dark reds, blues, blacks, greys. No more yellow or lavender.” He said simply.

                “Do you study my work?”

Hyunjin smiled again at you, with a knowing look, then he shrugged, “finish your coffee its going to get cold.”

                                                                                                ~*~

The next day he made you breakfast again, this time it was muffins and fruit. He even cut the fruit into little shapes; you know that he specially hand cut each shape due to the fact you didn’t own any kind of food cutters.

                “Good morning!” Hyunjin said cheerfully.

                “Did you rest well?” You asked sitting down, Hyunjin nodded.

                “I slept a lot better than last night; I usually get over jet lag pretty quickly so.” He set your food down and sat down next to you, “I also made peppermint tea this morning.”

                “Thank you…” You felt your face warm and the small butterflies erupted from your chest to your heart.

                “So today, are you busy with anything?” Hyunjin asked, you took a bite of your muffin. It was pumpkin.

                “Did you make these?” You looked at him, it tasted exactly like your pumpkin bread. Hyunjin nodded with a grin.

                “We made it so much that when I had free time, I wrote down the recipe. I used to make it in my dorm whenever I missed you. Let’s just say I gave my friend who actually bakes a run for his money.” He giggled and took a bite of his muffin.

                “That’s… Really sweet of you…” You spoke quietly, you saw Hyunjin smile warmly to himself. Part of you knew he truly does love you as much as you still love him. Your mind was starting to forgive him. Your mind then went to his original question.

                “I only have a small meeting today for the food being served at my exhibit.” You ate some fruit.

                “May I come with you?” Hyunjin asked. Your mind fought it and thought it over. Your heart once again won.

                “I think your insight will help.” Your words came off warm. You saw Hyunjin’s eyes widen a bit at your kind tone, then he smiled.

~*~

Once more he held your umbrella as you two walked, today it was actually raining so you actually needed the covering.

                “I don’t think it will rain the day of your exhibit.” Hyunjin’s feet slapped against the stone streets of Paris.

                “You looked up the weather?” Your eyes looked up at him. Part of him was offended and you can tell.

                “Can you please stop being so surprised that I do the bare minimum?” He looked down at you, he didn’t want to start an argument. As he was a man who preferred to communicate and say his emotions. He could never hold in how he was feeling, and you remembered that. One time you two had a small argument in the small town, he just said how he was feeling.

                “I’m sorry I am just trying to- I don’t even know. You’re right I need to have more faith in you.” You didn’t look at him anymore, “It’s really wrong of me to assume that you are going to do the worse.” You swallowed, you didn’t want to cry. But he was right. Hyunjin sighed and pulled you to the side of the sidewalk, under an awning. The rain was starting to get loud.

                “Y/n you have every right to be cautious of me. I understand what I did and I shouldn’t have just-“

                “Hyunjin…” You looked up at him, “you are right, I need to be more open minded, you were never wrong to me in that small town and you didn’t have a choice to leave. You said so in your note.” You dug through your purse and grabbed your wallet.

                “What’re you…?”

You kept digging until you pulled out his note, the one he left you at your small cottage, “you said yourself you wanted to take me with you, but you were shot down.”

                “You keep it with you…?”

Your eyes looked away from him and to the note that was in your hands, “yes I keep it with me…”

Hyunjin’s hand touched yours and he took a deep breath, “I’m still so sorry.”

                “It’s okay… Again, I know you didn’t have a choice, and I know you were so busy with your life and I started to become busy too and our lives just got so complicated… I need to stop being so cold to you…” Your voice was shaky, and you took a deep breath.”

                “Hey… It’s okay…” Hyunjin’s hand slowly and cautiously went to your cheek. You looked up at him, he smiled at you, “hi.”

Your heart loved the view in front of you and so did your mind, “hi.”

                “Let’s get to the meeting, okay? We don’t want to be late.”

That’s what you two did, you made it in one piece even in the rain. The meeting consisted of different cheese and wine tastings. Hyunjin would giggle at you everytime your face scrunched from the strong wine flavor and you would laugh at him when the cheese he ate tasted bad.

                “You said this one tasted good!” Hyunjin pouted while you were giggling evilly.

                “I thought it tasted great… Maybe your taste buds are broken.” You said smugly.

Hyunjin’s jaw dropped and he looked stunned, “MY taste buds!? You like bad cheese apparently!” He said loudly. You had to quiet him down while laughing. You two got a little tipsy while trying all the wine, you were nowhere near drunk, but you could feel a little buzz. You and Hyunjin were just constantly laughing at everything. In your heart you felt that this was perfect, you could live every day with him if you could. Before you two headed out you both made sure to drink water and have a couple slices of bread. Much to Hyunjin’s excitement.

When you two decided on the little snacks and drinks for your exhibit you two started your walk home, together. The buzz was starting to wear off which was good. Being publicly intoxicated could ruin both your public image, as if being alone together wasn’t enough to stir controversy. That fear wasn’t on either of your minds though, at least not at the moment. You and Hyunjin were both drunk on each other’s company.

                “I cannot believe you made me try that gross cheese!” Hyunjin said as you two walked on the sidewalk. The rain started to clear up, so he didn’t bother opening the umbrella.

                “You tried to get me drunk!” You joked back, Hyunjin dramatically gasped.

                “I would never! You drank the same amount as me!” He placed his hand over his heart. You let out a laugh and through your head back. You missed this so much, you missed him so much. You and Hyunjin exchanged glances at each other as you two walked and talked.

                “You know I wonder how our neighbor is…” You thought to yourself.

                “Gram?” Hyunjin asked and cocked his head to the side.

You nodded and messed with the rings on your fingers, “I still feel guilty for just leaving and selling everything.”

                “I am sure she would understand, maybe we could invite her to your exhibit!” Hyunjin suggested, your eyes lit up.

                “That is such a good idea!” You grinned up at him, Hyunjin gave you a funny but endearing look.

                “I think we should…-“ His voice trailed off and he looked in front of him. Your eyes followed him but before he could figure it out, he pulled you into the alley and started rushing.

                “What is this about?” You felt yourself giggle a little and you let him lead you. You were still in love with him, you couldn’t help it.

                “I think someone recognized one or both of us.” He turned three corners in the small alley and stopped to look around.

                “So, you dragged us into a sketchy ally?” You felt yourself laugh at him, he looked down at you confused and then looked around.

                “I guess I did… I panicked, okay?” You could tell he was a little embarrassed, once again you let a giggle slip out.

                “I just don’t want to have to leave again.” Hyunjin spoke softly, his voice was quiet. Your eyes softened when you looked at him.

                “You think they’d follow you again?” Your curiosity peaked. Hyunjin gave you a look and nodded.

                “Oh yeah, they will follow me to the ends of the Earth. I mean my brothers would, they aren’t actually blood brothers but they are the closest I have to them.” He was rambling, it made you forget you two were in some random alleyway.

                “Will I ever get to meet them?” You looked up at him and leaned against the wall. Hyunjin looked down at you.

                “You want to meet them?”

You nodded, “well of course I would. They’re important to you, are they not?”

                “Yeah… Yeah they are.” Hyunjin’s eyes kept staring into yours. His mind was running a mile a minute. You felt the rain start again, it was only a sprinkle and it felt nice. You looked up still leaning on the wall taking in the nice weather. You could hear Hyunjin breathe through his nose, and you looked up at him again. His brows were furrowed, and he looked frustrated.

                “Are you okay?” You asked, now you were genuinely concerned.

                “Please…” He mumbled, now it was your turn to look confused. The rain started to become heavy again, soaking both of you.

You heard Hyunjin mumble something and then look away.

                “I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you because of the rain.” You spoke.

                “Please let me kiss you again.”

In the middle of the sketchy alleyway, you let him kiss you. The war between your mind and heart was over, they made a truce to love Hyunjin.

And only Hyunjin.

~*~

The next morning you woke up to Hyunjin next to you, he was still sound asleep. Hyunjin looked so peaceful, it was just like when you woke up next to him in that little cottage of yours. Except now you two are older. His face was illuminated by the sun bouncing off your white walls. He was beautiful. You think if you ever spent a year without him again you would be heartbroken forever.

You carefully slipped out of bed, making sure that you wouldn’t wake him. You got up and did your morning routine and called your manager, you had an idea.

                “Hello Miss L/n.” Your manager said cheerfully, “what do I owe the pleasure?” Her voice was always so powerful.

                “Do you remember the first exhibit when my work started to become popular?” You asked as you went through the fridge to make pancakes for you and Hyunjin.

                “Ah yes, the one that was meant for Mr. W’s student Sam. But then Sam couldn’t make it?” Your manager always remembered; it was probably because you paid her to do so but still.

                “Yes, that one, I want to put those pieces out again this next exhibit. I have Hyu- Sam, here with me. I would like him to see his work in an exhibit.” You spoke and started to stir the pancake mix.

                “How kind of you Miss L/n.” You heard her type from the other end, “I will add that to your exhibit and the pamphlet. This afternoon I will send someone over to pick up yours and Mr. Sam’s.”

                “Thank you.”

Your manager started typing again and hummed to herself, “alright, they will be there in the afternoon.”

                “Thank you, Mrs. Jean.”

You said your goodbyes and continued to make breakfast, blueberry pancakes and coffee. Smiling to yourself you started to flip the pancakes. You jumped when you felt arms slowly snake around you.

                “Good morning.” Hyunjin mumbled and buried his head in your shoulder.

                “Morning Jinnie.”

Hyunjin giggled and buried his head more in your shoulder, “I missed that.”

You hummed and he didn’t let go of you while you cooked. You moved to the right, Hyunjin moved to the right. You took a step back, Hyunjin took a step back.

                “Breakfast smells great.” Hyunjin was still very sleepy, you could tell.

                “I am glad, I figured I would make up for you making breakfast the past couple days.” You laughed out of your nose.

                “You don’t have to make anything up for me.” He finally let go of you when the food was done and set.

                “Oh, I have someone coming over today to pick up some artwork for the exhibit. Do you mind running errands?” You asked and sipped your hot coffee. You put creamer in it, Hyunjin didn’t put creamer in his. You took note of that.

He pouted, “why can’t I be here?”

You gave him a look, “Can you please just trust me. Pleaaaase.” You pouted back. Hyunjin groaned and took a bite of his pancake, after he drowned it in syrup, of course.

                “Jinni-“

                “Yes. I can run errands, anything for you.”

Your smile widened and you giggled at how much of a lovesick dork he was. It was hypocritical of you to laugh though, you were the same lovesick dork for him. You always were.

~*~

The day of your exhibit rolled around and you woke Hyunjin up.

                “Get up we have to get ready!” You grinned.

                “My ticket isn’t until 6pm.” Hyunjin rolled over again, his beautiful form facing you. You shook him again.

                “Don’t you want to walk into my exhibit holding hands with me?”

You have never in your life seen someone get ready THAT quickly.

                “Blue or black suit?” Hyunjin asked.

You looked up at him. He had light makeup on and his hair was pulled back in a ponytail, he looked divine already. He could show up in his pajamas and he would look so good.

                “Blue, navy blue.” You said and looked back at your vanity, you were deciding how to do your hair and makeup.

                “Is that because you’re wearing navy blue.” He teased. Your face grew hot.

                “Noooo…” You mumbled, he let out a loud obnoxious laugh that you were in love with.

You finished getting ready and you waited for him by the door, adjusting your hat and sunglasses. As much as wearing sunglasses indoors made you kind of look like an asshole, you became known to do so. You started wearing them at your first exhibit, it was so people couldn’t see you crying over Hyunjin and how you wanted him to be there so badly. You took a deep breath, maybe it was time to ditch the sunglasses.

                “You look beautiful.” Hyunjin said from behind you and looked at you in the mirror, “can we take a photo?”

You nodded and looked up at him, he whipped out his phone and took a mirror selfie with you. He took a few photos, one of him kissing the side of your head, one of him holding you, another one of him actually kissing you. He would have memories and photos of you with him.

                “We are going to be late Jinnie.” You laughed. He nodded and you two headed out to the driver.

~*~

When you two arrived early you talked to your manager and introduced her to Hyunjin. She was very excited to meet this other artist. Just like you, she fell in love with his art too. Mrs. Jean was also clearly scouting for another client. It made you smile with pride. You were always so proud of Hyunjin. They ended up talking about art, thank god your manager kept the surprise. She was clearly trying to sell him on becoming a client, part of you hoped so. That meant he would have to come to Paris more. Which means he could see you more.

Time passed and people started showing up to your shared exhibit. When you walked around and people chatted with you, you saw Hyunjin was chatting with a group of men that you recognized as people from his group. He didn’t look tense around them, and it didn’t seem like he was in too much trouble for running away again.

You sipped on your champagne and grabbed a couple of cheese slices from the table.

                “Good evening.” You looked to your side and saw Namjoon. Uh ohhh. You smiled warmly, trying not to panic. You ended up setting your little cheese plate to the side.

                “Oh! Hi Namjoon!” You were really trying not to panic. I mean you guys didn’t even go out, you had tea with him once.

                “Your exhibit is really beautiful! I am excited to go through the rest of it.” He smiled at you.

                “Thank you, Namjoon that means a lot.” You smiled, he smiled back and before you knew it you felt a hand on your waist.

                “Oh my god I know you.” Hyunjin said and put his hand out, Namjoon shook it.

                “You’re an idol too, right?” Namjoon spoke, “part of that group Stray Kids?”

Hyunjin nodded and shook his hand back, “yes, I am Hyunjin.”

                “Ahhhh yes you are talked about a lot, I have heard your name float around before.” Hyunjin shrugged with a sly smile. You could help but roll your eyes at Hyunjin being childish.

Hyunjin and Namjoon talked a little about work before Namjoon excused himself to look at the rest of the exhibit.

                “I have something to show you.” You grabbed Hyunjin’s hand with your free hand. You set your champagne down. Hyunjin smiled at you and nodded. You led him to the part of your exhibit that was dedicated to him. You saw as his eyes widened and he looked at you then back at his artwork. They were still in pristine condition.

                “You didn’t get to see your work in an exhibit, I wanted to make that up to you.” You said quietly. Hyunjin looked at you like you were the world to him. He was at a loss for words.

                “Do you like it?” You asked, scared you overstepped.

                “Y/n… I love it…” He mumbled, still in shock, “I love you so much. I-“

You watched, heart beating out of your chest as he got down on one knee. Your mouth was agape. He pulled out a small box, the ring shining under the exhibit lights.

                “I was planning to do this after the exhibit but my heart is telling me there is no other perfect time for this. I love you, y/n. I will make up for the time lost for the rest of my life with you. I thought about you every day and I will continue to only think of you every day. I want you to be my future, you already are my everything. My intended. Will you please marry me.”

Maybe you should have worn your sunglasses because you were crying over Jinnie again, but not because of sadness.

                “Yes Jinnie!”

[skunkfairy]

Gaslit about covid? Me too. [RANT]

as you all can tell by my page im so new, but for context, im trying to find COVID-19 safe/conscious groups online. i started with Instagram and ive moved to here.

something thats on my mind recently is how i have been severely gaslit to just think covid isnt a thing we should worry for and that im a conspiracy theorist about covid just because i still use mitigation in my daily life and i give a shit about disabled/immunocompromised/chronically ill people in my community and in my life. i genuinely am so scared for whats happening and what will happen to our collective health.

like i had like a breakdown after all my roommates stopped masking last fall and it lead to me being triggered and disassociating for almost a whole year because i felt unsafe with people i previously felt safe with (feeling/being unsafe in my home is a major trigger for me). i was lost touch with reality, i have never felt so disconnected from my friends, mind, and body. it was so bad. And it took a lot of energy, effort, and practice to communicate my needs and boundaries with them only for them to be like "Cool you sound like you're living in fear and im not changing". in the end i decided to move to a different apartment because i coulndt deal with all of them being like that.

the past 4-5 years have made me feel a lot of things and i wrote a poem about the grief ive felt specifically around the pandemic and how it has drastically altered my late teenage and young adult years. maybe ill put it here one day lmao.

a silver lining in this is that all my way of life as i knew it is gone and dead. and that makes more room for me to find people who care for and value our lives at a basic fundamental level and furthermore are willing to act daily to show our love and care for one another. this new life makes more room for me to really question my consumerism [god forbid we stop eating indoors at restaurants and risk getting a deadly virus for shitty food] . it makes me question how i interact with the world with a COVID-safe/mindful lens. and most importantly put disability justice at the forefront of my activism.

I have grieved how life was and i have come out the other side accepting and wanting to do everything in my power to protect my community in the ongoing pandemic. i understand my responsibility and i have begun to see how disability justice connects all of our collective oppression and how disability justice/rights/activism is a key part to our collective liberation. i have seen how covid conscious or safe people [idk what to label it ive been going back and forth bc i think a lot of people have different definitions of these labels im sorry] are so kind, so caring, so compassionate, so giving, and so loving in a way that i dont see or truly feel in other activists/advocates groups. I personally feel the safest, most loved, and understood by my friends, family, and peers who are covid safe and practice community care.

much love to all of them it has made me love them in beautiful new ways. xx im so grateful to have them in my life. if u made it this far ur real asf. if u want share whatever covid related rants id like to read them or if you have thoughts on what i wrote let me know 🥺.

rn i just feel like im shouting into the tumblr void and its been cathartic.

[2af-afterdark]

He Who Was Called Mammon's Son - Day 1

Not a summary. Just random babbling about the event. I'm not saying anything official or even necessarily answering questions I bring up/pose. I just want to go off. Before I start... LOOK AT BABY MAMMON! He's so tiny! OMG! I cannot handle it!

Shall we start with the fact the Papa Mammon is fine as hell and is described like poetry? The man is beautiful and is so pure in his motives to protect and love his kingdom...

He's going to die. Sorry. But we all know he is going to be dead by the end of this event, right? This is the exact kind of event where they kill of a beloved parent in order to motivate the protagonist (Baby Mammon). They even evoked the Lion King by pulling that hilltop scene so Baby Mammon could understand the gravity of what he is about to inherit.

The difference is that Baby Mammon and Papa Mammon face their greed differently. They are both intrinsically led by the desire to protect and to have. Papa Mammon is mature enough to see the kingdom as his family and that he must keep it safe. Baby Mammon sees that Tartaros does not cover the entirety of Hell yet, so he must have more of it... so that he is able to protect more of Hell -- living and dead.

Even Papa Mammon recognizes Baby Mammon is greedier than he is in a way he he never could have imagined, making him the true king of Tartaros (which also means that kings are placeholders until the true one shows up).

*Side note: Are these technically names or titles? Papa Mammon is the king, but Baby Mammon hasn't gotten a name yet, I guess. He's just the Prince. Baby Bimet may not be Bimet either yet. I wonder if, in Tartaros, certains names are titles rather than birth names? Maybe that is true of multiple kingdoms. IDK because Amon was born with his name as far as I can tell, and he's the only devil we've seen before he became one of the 72. Well... Technically Leviathan and Orias too, but they were literally given numbers when they were prisoners of Heaven.

Baby Mammon is so adorable! He is a little puppy who needs extra care and attention because his body is so weak. However, this does raise the question of who is responsible for the underground lab in Tartaros. After all, I doubt Papa Mammon didn't know they were doing such experiments in his own land. The question is if he allowed it, ignored it, or... if it started after he was no longer around.

I wish, genuinely, that devils were able to distrust the way Older Bimet seems to. I can just feel how much heartache is about to happen because of Papa Mammon not sensing how malicious Metatron is. This is a clear example of double-speak. Metatron is making it clear that he shall kill Papa Mammon and take everything from him.

I think identifying that Metatron is (possibly) a former human is important. Humans can lie, deceive, and distrust like angels, but are also capable of acting within their own self-interests like devils. Metatron being a former human, not an angel created by God, would give him the drive, ability, and now power to covet and take for his own self-gain rather than invoking God's name. It also means we can't blame shitty programming for what he may or may not do like we can the other angels who were created with a one-track mind.

Valefor and Eligos are OLDER devils. They were clearly adults when Baby Mammon was still young. Guess that means we can add them to the list of devils who are definitely older than the kings (right next to Gusion).

[butcharyastark]

i keep thinking about iwtv and audience/voyuerism/story as violence. everything you are about to see is real. you are all complicit, repugnant, and appalling. the way louis in s1 refuses to show daniel all of claudia's diaries to protect her privacy and the horrors of some of her traumas, because he knows once it's out, it's out, and he can't control the narrative of claudia's own trauma anymore. louis telling claudia in the first ep of the new season, stop feeling sorry for yourself, nobody's watching. but we are watching. we only see this scene to begin with because louis is telling daniel about it, and this is apparently part of the story and experience louis is willing to be clipped into the eventual finalized story of their lives he's trusting daniel with. the way the pages of claudia's thoughts on some of her worst traumas were purposely removed from the book, from daniel's view, from the glimpse of the narrative at all, but now it's come up again in s2 with louis asking armand to bring them back out for him.

claudia's innocence of childhood being taken away from her as a teenager, simultaneously adultified by society and her parents as a black girl, simultaneously frozen in the body of young girl even as she ages beyond that, forever unable to be allowed to define herself in how people first see her. claudia constantly trying to find herself, control herself, redefine herself (struggle over her hunger, the continuing reassertion over her body and agency with fashion, the changing familial titles for her with louis and lestat), and how she always wants to connect with someone else and be seen for who she feels she is in her identity, as a vampire, as an adult, as a black girl with no one else to love but these two fucked up parents who can't or won't show her the care and respect she needs.

and now she finds the coven who claim to see her in making her part of their family, in wanting her there at all, but immediately turn around--even already knowing she's been a vampire for decades--and force her once more into a role she hates, making her a baby for the next several decades, as well. and they're going to do so while putting her up on that stage and making the entire audience see that, too, every single week.

idk. but i'm scared for claudia and i feel like we're the audience watching her trapped in the narrative of someone else's story and history and time.

[who1ssheesh]

With every touch

Hot take: in contrary to a popular opinion, people do consider xanxus' scars ugly. not you though - with every touch you heal a broken man.

just a rambling about his scars without a plot idk

Warnings: kinda short but i put my soul in it; huge UNAPOLOGETIC OOC, i wanna see my man happy at least once; 100% wrong grammar, english is not my native; no beta we die like tyl tsuna

Note: they always portrait xanxus' scars as something hot, but there is probably a reason he doesn't like'em, huh? In short, not-so-popular opinion that people tend to be terrified of a huge man with ugly scars

Oh, that man...My battered, cruel man.

At first Xanxus was furious to even look at himself in the mirror. Every of them probably was shattered and he felt so too. Windows curtained, lights off - he avoided any possibility of seeing himself until Superbia had to beat some sense into his boss.

His father left him tainted, how could he? Always reminded being number two, number two, a nuisance, a mistake. A reminder of a ruined life that he can never fix.

Not only that, Xanxus started noticing that people...didn't like them, to say the least. Xanxus being Xanxus, he at some point likes it (coping? question mark?) since he enjoys to be feared and respected, you can't take that away from him, but he was still young and impressionable when he got them.

Like what, he got frozen at 16 and got rescued still having the same mentality? He was...not a child but not an adult either.

Civilians tend to side eye him. You don't have to be smart to know such scars are not an accident and he is not some fucking florist, y'know what I mean? It is a branding of a life he lives and the one that will kill him one day.

His whole body - and in every way too fucking visible place - deformed with the thick layer, it feels as if his skin was melting at some point. It's rough, harsh and bumpy to the touch but Xanxus couldn't give more shit since he can't even feel those.

He doesn't like to touch his face and not feel anything, cause scars are so fucking deep

And it is an ironic cycle - Xanxus gets angry at those scars, and they get bigger, and he gets even angrier-

He hates his father so much.

Oh yeah, for some reason we all consider Xanxus as a womanizer but hear me out he is very selective because he is proud to an unhealthy manner

He would fuck some annoying lesser boss' wife to humiliate him, fight me on this take

Probably tried to have several sugar babies and random one night stands

Tried

None of them mentioned it out loud but he could notice their...disgust? Xanxus would light like a match instantly - he is fucking Xanxus, how dare they?

how dare they remind him what a mistake he is?

Xanxus gets black-out drunk while cleaning his weapon way too much and considers this his life. Who needs feelings and others anyway?

His past shape him, so he will live at least out of spite. Every scar reminds him of why he was hated by a man he thought as a father - too furious, too dangerous, too ambitious.

So be it.

But then there is you...

Xanxus likes your cheeks. You could never tell that though, since he is very distant, but they are so...soft. Untouched. He will touch them rarely, covering with "you pig got some dirt on your face"

He will get furious if anyone dares to leave even the smallest scar on your body. And we're not talking about just angry but "blind rage" angry. He won't let you live through mafia experience the way he did. It can be even "ouch, he scratched me while trying to capture" - he doesn't care. Even this slight scar still has a memory of your capture left on you body

He knows you're strong even if you have never held a gun in your hand - that's why you're his in the first place. But man has some unresolved issues, m-kay?

But his hickeys and marks are okay. That little-little hypocrite.

They were left meaning his deepest emotions though, right?

The touch moment happens - surprise - not during sex. It's a random kiss in the cheek. It's when you cling to his arm as if it doesn't look like fresh from the meat grinder.

You touch his skin so softly as if this man is not forged through pain and blood

They say severe scar skin is so thick it cannot feel anything - and so thought Xanxus about himself - anymore, but why does he feel like he is burning every time you do that?

With every touch Xanxus melts

His past shapes him, he says. But doesn't define him, you add.

Every scar shows strength and is a reminder of how strong your man is. He is still here and - very gladly - keeps fighting (even when he shouldn't)

With every touch Xanxus melts until one day this huge man bends down to put his head on your shoulder, his scarred cheek touching yours.

He hugs you. And you kiss this very cheek, finding peace in his warmth and bitter - but oh so dear smell - of alcohol and gunpowder

[tinyidle]

Too Good - JYH

literally based on a vision i had + something i watched at night 🤫

wc: 4k ( min reading time yay 😁)

WARNING: smut, pw/op, sex work au, foreplay, slight edging, oiling, safe sex (all sex workers must do this!!), rough sex, public(ish) sex, constant usage of the nickname "baby" (idk why av stars do this but they just do), multiple positions, multiple orgasms, degradation, praise, begging, dumbification, slight daddy kink, p*rnstar!yunho, bigd¡ck!yunho, charming!yunho, charismatic!yunho, dom!yunho, petite!reader, p*rnstar!reader, bigchested!reader, sub!reader, fem reader, yunho × reader, all fiction ofcofc

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a shortish man yelled loudly, jumping you right out your mindless daze. "alright, that's a wrap. thanks, folks!" you inwardly cringed from the amateur videographer's choice of words.

you've been in the adult film industry for five years, so you're basically considered a pro. you've heard how all types of av staff speak, and -- to be honest-- all of them have been nothing less than cringeworthy. ever since you started working at the young age of nineteen, you've also seen all types of "actors" and "actresses" come into and go from the av world. unfortunately there was a growing ratio of said actors and actresses leaving than staying. you, however, were one of the loyal ones who stayed, no matter how small the dick was or how unsatisfying the tongue felt. the job paid well, you've made some good friends, and you never had the urge to leave.

you always experimented and craved for more, though. you went from your more solo and vanilla scenes to kinkier scenes by the end of the third month of working. by the first year's end, you had three dps, five threesomes, and your first-ever "big dick". air quotes on the big dick because, even though it looked "big", it in no way felt big.

you knew that most men in this industry, like most women, feel insecure about their bodies and get work done. in the guys' case, they get steroidal drugs or penis enlargement surgery to get ridiculously huge. your body, however, knew real from fake, and your first big dick was fake. it was like a 'slim jim' in nature, and when you got it all in, it immediately felt limp by the second thrust. nothing close to how it felt with the dragon dildos and huge strapons you ventured with in the past. after the third year, you opted out of "monster cocks" and stuck to doing huge dildo solo shots instead.

it's now your fifth year, and you're being met with yet another amateur videographer and newbie producer who has begged you to do a monster cock special, with you refusing immediately. when they showed you the actor, however, you suddenly became interested. he looked much taller than the other men you're used to, and when seeing nude shots of him, you were surprised to see that his dick looked big even while flaccid. and he was handsome. you've never focused on the faces of the actors you worked with; only the actresses. but with him, he looked different. he seemed different.

"this guy," you started to inquire while hovering your painted fingernail over the picture. "this jeong yunho guy. how long has he been in the industry?"

"yunho's been with us for three years now. he tried finding success in the more popular companies but all the actresses there kept complaining about how he was too big. we thought they were exaggerating until he came to work for us. every actress he's worked with left sobbing about how he 'tore them apart'," the producer emphasized with air quotes emphasized by his rough-appearing fingers, clearly unamused from the past complaints. "we heard that you specialize in taking more than what you can handle, so we thought you'd be the perfect fit-"

"im in," you said cutting the chatterbox off which, to your surprise, made him smile widely. "this guy sounds like a challenge," you continued, "and i like challenges. when's the shoot?" you did impromptu filming, and you hoped that you'd get your hands on this man as soon as possible. you really wanted to see if he could give you what no other actor could provide.

"well, we hoped that you'd like to get to know him tomorrow, and then by the afternoon, we'd start filming. how does that sound?"

"perfect," you said, glad that you could get to meet up with him so soon. "just perfect."

--

you woke up early to get yourself ready and prepared for later filming. once you made sure no stray hair was in sight, you drove to the studio where you were supposed to meet your costar. upon arrival you were surprised at how homey the place looked. it was as if the studio was a two-story house instead of an actual workplace. it made you feel comfortable. you walked in and found yourself a couch to sit on, taking out your phone and mindlessly scrolling online in search of more toys to use for your personal use, since that's what you would get for the lack of pleasure you've been constantly craving for.

"hi, im jeong yunho. you must be the wonderful woman ill be working with later on, correct?" a huge hand was extended your way.

you looked up, locking your phone and putting it inside the small purse you came with. yunho looked much more handsome in person-- beautiful even-- and he was much taller than what you expected. he wore a plain black tee, loose jeans and a high top converse, yet his attractiveness seemed to shine past his apparel. you felt glad that he dressed rather casually since you had one of your older floral sundresses that showed a bit of your cleavage. the dress caught yunho's eye as he glanced towards it before he landed them back on your own eyes. you don't mind, especially when you stared at his clothed bulge before meeting his eyes as well.

you noticed that he only looked a centimeter shorter when you stood up than when you sat down before. you shook his hand and greeted him, telling him your full name. "people call me all types of names, though. my favorite is chem, short for chemistry."

"really" he stated, clearly interested in the story behind the nickname. yunho seemed to be genuinely interested in you, something you haven't had happen in a while. it made you feel appreciated.

"because i like to experiment in the industry." he hummed in understanding. "so three years and no proper satisfaction?" you plainly asked to the man in front of you. being blunt is common place in this work field.

yunho sighed, nodding slightly before taking your smaller hands in his bigger ones. bold, you like it. "and i heard you've been in the industry for five years and had no proper stimulation." you, being a bit embarrassed, looked away and bit your lip before nodding.

the tall man noticed that and lifted up your chin towards his face with his thumb and index finger, looking into your eyes with slight lust and what could easily be mistaken for love. "i can help you find that satisfaction all those other men couldn't give you," he promised, "i researched all about you the night before and i bet i have what it takes to get you going."

you let out a small gasp in shock and slight flattery. no one's ever taken the time to find out what you liked, even when you had it written down in your 'about me' on your website and portfolio folder. you always made sure to find out about your coworker beforehand, and you let them know that, but them feeling the need to research on you seemed to not be mutual. up until now.

yunho smiled, knowing he stunned you. you forgot that, while searching him up, he was described as "one of an unexpected charmer" who could get you to clean his shoe using his charisma if he wanted. you also forgot his general description of being a big guy with a soft heart; you thought that part was all talk. turns out that part was as real as when it said he's 185 cm but looks like 190.

you shook your head, fighting hard to not turn into jello by your costar before the cameras were even on. with the two of you sitting down, you both started talking. as you got to know more about each other and had a few good laughs, you just knew yunho was the perfect guy for you to film with today, and you secretly hoped that you'd get to work with him again sooner than later after today.

after initial conversation, you decided to ask yunho questions about his family life, hobbies and what he does in his free time. he answered eagerly: he has a good relationship with his inner family, but his extended family acts as if he's not doing sex work; he has seven other friends who work in the business but don't work half as much as he does; his best friend also works in the same company with him; and he likes to go to local singing and dance classes as well as play video games. while he was talking, you were shamelessly touching his chest and thighs, slowly trying to work him up for tonight, which was only a couple of hours away.

"and what do you do for fun, sweetie?" yunho said while his hand was softly massaging the left part of your chest. you, being used to this treatment yet loving it, nonchalantly answered that you were into cooking and yoga. "hmm, cooking. i just know that id love having you around." he smiled, hands traveling from your breasts to your clothed center. you smiled and let out a heavy breath from his ministrations before asking one last question.

"so, yunho," you started to question again.

"hmm?" he was in a trance with your body: circling his fingers around your clothed center, barely reaching the pleasure point he so desperately wanted to touch.

you bit your lip while holding in any groans. "you have any dirty secrets to share?" you took his hand that was playing with your pelvis and interlaced the fingers with your own to get the man to focus.

yunho smirked, looking down and gripping his hand a bit tighter around yours before leaning in and whispering in your ear. "i like when small girls take me on their knees. face-down, ass-up is my favorite," he leaned back while you looked at him wide-eyed, shuddering yet forcing a small smile. "i know im big. it's obvious," his other hand motioned to his hardening member, "but knowing that my cock can be sucked in by a tight and obedient pussy and a wet small, wet mouth makes me impossibly hard."

he groaned, and you can tell he was getting impatient and was in slight pain from his boner. your eyes widened even more as you saw his bulge get impossibly bigger, stretching against his pants, causing him to groan out again in pain and small pleasure from the slight friction. he really wanted to fuck you, you could tell. the thought of such a fat, long cock being forced into you made you pool your panties in a way that you've never have before. you felt uncomfortable now in your own confinements.

you massaged the hand you took from your crotch earlier and leaned your head against his neck to help him get some form of relief. you, however, were deeply affected by his words, clenching wildly on nothing, legs rubbing together with a damp undergarment in between them. you let out a shaky breath. "i like the thought of a huge cock tearing my pussy apart, if that helps anything," you half joked. he responded with low laughter, and you laughed along with him.

--

minutes turned to hours, and soon it was 4 pm. "alright guys! look who we have here." a voice and a camera reached your peripheral vision and you turned to look into the camera as you were trained to do tons of times before. "can you please introduce yourself? or are we intruding on a private moment?" the cameraman joked.

you and yunho laughed a bit before you spoke up, knowing you'd have to since recurring watchers would already know your costar's name. "im chem. im 24 years old, and this is my first time taking a big dick in three years." yunho eyed you with lust and amusement as you felt his hand pull away from your own and rest on your thigh, massaging the inner part of it. damn, you just love his hands touching your skin.

"wow! that sounds amazing," the cameraman responded. "so is yunho's your first real massive cock or one of many?"

"first," you smiled, looking at yunho and feeling the need to kiss him deeply. he has such kissable lips, you thought as the cameraman did his best to make small talk.

"and yunho," the camera directed to his frame. "when was the last time you had someone this petite in size?"

yunho smiled and danced the pads of his fingers on your inner thighs, making you giggle. "a bit too long. i have a feeling however that she might be the only small girl ill ever fuck," he laughed. you laughed as well, hoping that after this session you could get to know each other more as friends since he seems to be such a loving guy.

"by the end of this, viewers would definitely want more of you two, that's for sure," the cameraman said, being turned on by the way yunho seemed to avoid any more small talk by giving you small neck kisses, surprising you from the pleasurable gasp you let out. "ill stop talking and let you two do your thing before you get blue balls," he joked towards yunho, now training himself to keep quiet and focus on recording the action.

and action began. yunho lifted his hand to place it on one side of your neck while continuing his assault on the other side, sucking softly in small attempts to arouse you without leaving any marks that would be hard to heal the next day. you breathed heavily and let out low moans, grabbing his biceps in an attempt to grasp a sense of reality while remembering to stay pretty for the camera. yunho, disregarding the camera entirely and only focusing on making a mini mess of you, quickly trailed his kisses from your now cold neck by the saliva left from the kisses down to your chest, stopping at your cleavage before looking up at you so that you can pull the spaghetti straps down.

once you did, he took your bra-less breast in his large hand and began sucking. "f-fuck," you sputtered out in a shaky breath. your boobs weren't small at all, with you sporting a good c-cup, but under yunho's hands they felt like small dodge balls. you rested your hands on his head as he suckled on your breasts and flicked the nipples with the flat part of his tongue. somehow you kept leaking in your panties even though by now you would've stopped. he was that good.

yunho plopped off your boobs before looking up at you with glossy lips. "your tits feel amazing in my mouth, baby," he said with that charming, captivating smile of his, making you let out a moan and a small giggle. you, being almost too impatient and too uncomfortable in your underwear, instantly pulled it down. yunho chuckled at your hastiness. "look at that," he said, "chem wants me to fuck her that bad," he commented as if you weren't there, causing the rest of the crew to chuckle. his small humiliating stunt had you blushing, and yunho saw it. "i cant wait to fuck this tiny pussy open," he stated with a lick to his already wet lips, making you whimper slightly. "but first i have to stretch you out more."

yunho took his index and middle fingers in his mouth and sucked on it, getting cocky by the way you looked at him with reciprocated lust. he slowly slid them out his mouth before running them up and down your aching center, causing you to jolt. after a few more teasing strokes, he pushed them in. "ooh- fuck! f-uu" you cried out. the stretch of his two fingers alone felt like more than whatever toy or other fingers you could ever have had in you. you had to let yunho know that. "shit, you're so deep." you said, mouth agape as he added his ring finger in before experimentally wiggling them inside to help stretch you out, immediately reaching your g spot and he curled them up. your head hung back on the couch and you couldn't stop your heavy breathing as he began to thrust his fingers in and out of you.

"you respond so well to my fingers baby," yunho praised, making you feel proud of yourself. he kept his pace until he felt that you've loosened up for him, slowly pulling out. "let's show them how much i stretched out this tight cunt so far." you groaned aloud when you felt the camera zoom in on your dark pinkish channel that was being held open by yunho's long digits, arousal still pooling out of it. when the cameraman felt that he got a good enough view for the future viewers, he stood back into his preview spot as yunho lifted you up and gave you the first proper kiss in the entire time you two spent so far.

his lips were as kissable as you hoped. better, even.

"now i want to make you feel good," you smiled at him. apparently that grin went straight to his pants. "you cant seem to stop growing, can you?" you smirked. yunho could only groan and help you take off your now sweaty dress while he pulled off his top. you went to his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers and was comically smacked in the face with a cock that was impossible to naturally visualize.

yunho, seeing the clear shock on your face, smirked and tapped your cheek with his thumb. "told you im big," he teased. you came to your senses and stuck out your tongue to lick his head. usually you hated giving blowjobs because the actors barely took care of themselves as their dicks always felt rough, like sandpaper. yunho's head alone, however, felt soft yet rigid, and the feel around your mouth made you want to suck on it all day. "please, baby. take all of me in your mouth," yunho breathed out as he pushed your head forward. you relaxed your throat as you let all his girth enter your warm cavern. he filled all your mouth, and even though you could, it was difficult to swallow on him.

soon enough you used one of your unoccupied hands to wrap around the base so you could properly bob up and down while your other hand played with his balls. grunting, yunho took the back of your head and started thrusting roughly in your mouth, causing you to cough harshly.

when you pulled off for some air, yunho immediately rubbed your back. "shit, sorry chem," he apologized. "you alright?" you were glad he didn't want to hurt you or cause harm, even for porn. once you nodded yes, he smiled and continued in that manner: fucking your mouth harshly, your gag reflex retaliating hard, and him making sure you were okay to continue.

soon enough his moans got louder and louder until you felt a warm substance fill your mouth without warning. it tasted-- sweet. not necessarily like candy, but you were addicted. it overflowed your mouth and spilled on the sides, making you wipe that part off with your arm. "i could suck on you all day," you praised him with a plop, seeing how his once softened length got instantaneously hard again for no other reason than to feel you inside.

"before you guys get to the main course!" the cameraman interjected. you frowned and were about to protest until you saw him hand yunho a bottle of oil and an XL size condom. you almost forgot that 'big dick' men can cum a lot without knowing, and judging from his girth and the load you took on earlier, it was best they gave him the biggest condom size there was.

after rolling on the condom, yunho maneuvered you on the couch to have your hands on the back edge of it and your knees on the sitting part while he stood behind you, the camera moving in front of you both. he then took the oil from earlier and poured it on your round ass, you humming at the cool sensation on your heated skin. once he felt that he poured enough oil, yunho massaged it onto your ass and lower back to give the viewers a small example of how sexy you look. you knew that once you saw the cameraman move to where you and your costar would soon connect.

licking his hand, the tall man rubbed your core to prepare you still for his cock.

"ready, baby?" he asked.

you never felt more ready in your life.

"please," you answered while pushing your hips back, begging to be filled.

yunho angled himself to your bare pussy, rubbing the head up and down to collect your leaking arousal before slowly pushing himself in with a grunt. you surged forward, scared by how hard he seemed to be pushing in until he leaned whispered to you with a kiss to your back shoulder. "it's just the tip, chem. i haven't even gone in yet". you relaxed and let yunho continue.

you gasped loud and let out a high pitched whine once you really felt him push in. "fuck! fuck, fuck fuck fuck" you repeated as you felt more and more of his girth enter you. it was so much, you thought it would never stop. you even assumed that with a sharp pain you felt that he 'popped your cherry' (stretching you to oblivion) once more. he was that good. and that big.

once yunho was all in, massaging your hips in the process, he looked down and let out a long groan. the camera zoomed in to see his huge cock disappear in your tiny core, and you just knew then that the crew was in shock and arousal. all that could be seen was your oiled ass and yunho's hands holding onto your hips. your core clenched onto him like dath grip.

"im gonna move, chem. you feel so good that i might cum right away if i don't," yunho said rather breathlessly. you felt glad that you were affecting him as well as he was affecting you. he slowly slid in and out, small inches until he fucked half his length into you at a fast pace, with you screaming.

the more he fucked into you, the harder he bruised your spot, and your responses to his actions only made him go harder. "yunho! yun, baby i can't- im-- im-" you were slurring your words until you felt your more rare orgasm rip through you. "FUCK!"

yunho felt his thighs get wet and smirked once he saw the mess you made. he quickly pulled out and frantically rubbed your clit for you to squirt harder, which you did with a high pitched groan. you tried to push his hand away, but he just hooked your arms behind your back and continued his assault on your clit until you gave no more. he gave a slap to your ass and you moaned at the stinging feeling.

yunho turned you around and rested you on your side. he leaned forward and squished your cheeks between his fingers. "this pussy's mine for now, understand?" you nodded, whimpering once you heard him respond with "good girl". you wanted nothing more than to be a good girl for him and have his thick cock back inside you.

yunho oiled your ass again and rubbed it over you before lifting your leg up over his shoulder and once again breaching your hole, making you moan out loud. you were glad this was a studio and not an actual house. as the tall man went back to his brutal pace, he started to taunt you.

"i bet no one's ever made you feel half as good as this, have they?" he said. "such a tight little pussy that barely gets properly fucked. no wonder you're all over the place fucking different guys-- you needed dick from a real man. don't worry, baby. ill be the only man you'll want to ever fuck you."

yunho's dirty talk along with the delicious drag from his cock along your walls made you go completely dumb, nodding to whatever he said. you babbled incoherently, and a thin line of drool left your red lips. the crew were equally as turned on, very happy that they paired you two. he has to fuck you at least more than once now; you're too good to him to not.

yunho wiped off the saliva that left your mouth and wiped it on your erect nipples, making you whimper. "aww, is chem getting close from yunho's fat cock inside of her?" he angled his thrust to directly slam into your spot, causing you to jolt and cry out. "i want you in tears before you cum."

he again pulled out, making you whine at the loss. yunho smacked your reddened ass before sitting on the couch and lifting you on his lap. after re-oiling your ass for the third time, he allowed for the cameraman to move where the viewers could see where your shiny bottom would sit on his juice-covered cock.

you hummed and grunted a bit at how he didn't fit from you sitting by yourself, so when he forced himself all the way in you by pushing you down by your hips, your hands flew to his shoulders and shook violently. "yun, baby. fuck me, please. i need your cock," you begged.

your begging made yunho immediately fuck up into you as you began to incoherently babble again, along with your high pitched whimpers. despite your attempts to hold off, you found yourself wanting to let go after two minutes of yunho's thrusting. "i wanna cum," you whined out, brows furrowing from the intense pleasure. "please let me cum. daddy, please."

yunho almost stopped then and there. once he heard that word, his brain short-circuited as he then started thrusting roughly like a mad man. "cum for daddy, tiny."

"shit, daddy~~," you whined out while you felt yunho brutally assaulting your spot. you breathed out a satisfied moan as you felt yourself clench and cum once again on yunho's cock.

the grip your core had on yunho's lower self made it hard for him to move, causing yunho to feel the pleasure of your pussy practically trying to milk his cock dry. although he felt himself cumming, he needed to let go on your body for the camera view. he pulled out the best he could, discarded the condom in the near trash bin and jerked off to your spent body until he came with a loud moan. you felt ropes and ropes of thick cum land on your chest and pelvis. you were so glad he didn't cum in you unprotected. yet, since you plan for him to some day.

the cameraman allowed a few more moments to pass before speaking up. "so you're both spent, huh?" you and yunho both chuckled before nodding. "let's see the results of big boy here," he joked. you opened up your legs while the camera zoomed in once more. your pussy was red and a bit agape, your engorged clit visibly throbbing. "he fucked you good, didn't he." the cameraman commented mindlessly.

you nodded and chuckled before closing your legs. "yeah, he did." yunho sat next to you and pulled you up for another kiss. "no way am i leaving him. that cock was way too good," you stated half jokingly.

yunho laughed before rubbing your hips. "im glad because i don't want you to leave either." you both made out with each other until the producer wrapped up the scene.

you both got blankets from to wrap around, and after asking how the session went, yunho invited you to lunch. you were excited to see if his friendship skills were as good as his sex skills. but you had a feeling that they'd be better than you'd expect.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

would you believe me if i said that ive had this in the drafts since late july? yeah, and i kept revising it... hope you liked it!

[mrs-snape5984]

“How can you miss someone, you've never met? 'Cause I need you now, but I don't know you yet…”

“But can you find me soon because I'm in my head? Yeah, I need you now, but I don't know you yet…” (“IDK You Yet” by Alexander 23)

Being devoted to a fictional character for about 21 years can be challenging from time to time. Sure, it’s called “having a comfort character” for reasons, and I can’t deny, that my long lasting love for Severus Snape has given me the much needed comfort and consolation all over those years. He was by my side, whenever I felt the urge to escape from my traumatic reality…and fuck…there was way too much in my life, which made me flee to Severus. Don’t worry, I won’t mention all these experiences in this text (I’ve already done this in one of my other pathetically whiny posts).

But there’s another issue, that comes with the adoration for a fictional character…something torturous, heart-wrenching and devastatingly painful: It’s the piteous longing for someone, who will never be mine in real life….a goddamn feeling, which is eating me alive! Of course, I’m still coping with my current situation of being doomed to a life in darkness (fuck you, ME/CFS!!!!!) by writing my own ridiculously self-inserting fan fictions about Sevy and Jules…only for myself…solely to soothe my troubled heart. Furthermore, the many artists of Snapedom might know me as someone, who’s requesting immensely personal artworks for my blog…always using them to emphasise my journal entries here.

But there are times, when this isn’t enough anymore! I’m surrounded by Severus in my dark room… one could say, that I’m living in my private Snape-and-Wizarding-World-in-general-Museum. 😅 Everything here feels like my very own comfort blanket, which I’m pulling tighter around my trembling body to create a sensation of warmth and safety. And yet… yeah… and yet, I’m fucking lonely! Lying in darkness and solitude all day makes this cruel longing for Severus become agonising and almost unbearable. I’m bawling my eyes out for someone, who will never be able to hear my heart crying out for him. And to be honest: In my age, this is a sentiment, which I’m absolutely ashamed of!

For the past 21 years, I’ve known this miserable emotion only in this exact context. But now, something happened, which made the confines of my heart and the walls, I’ve built around myself, shatter into pieces…leaving me vulnerable and emotionally churned up like never before. Becoming close and trusting friends with someone, who’s living so far away from me - separated by the ocean - turns out to be blessing and curse at once.

Suddenly, I feel confronted by the same emotions, which my pining for Severus provokes in my heart…a yearning for a deeper connection - regardless of the relationship’s nature between us friends. And just like in the song, which I’ve mentioned above this text, I’m asking myself: “How can you miss someone, you’ve never met?”

Fortunately, I’m able to reach out to my friend in these occasions. I don’t have to weep over my fan fictions or my art collection…no, I can just grab my phone and annoy the fuck out of my beloved confidant. And I think, this is beautiful! 🥹

For this heartwarming piece of art, I’ve commissioned my friend @alinearthp once again. I asked her to draw Severus and my undeniably self-inserted OC Jules as young adults…going out to grab some butter beer in “The Three Broomsticks”. Whenever my longing for Severus becomes too strong, I’m trying to imagine him doing something casual like that with me…and now I’m doing the same with my long-distance-friend. For this reason, I’d like to dedicate this loving post to him. @preciousthelmadonna, you’re in my heart and in my thoughts every single day, since I got to meet you on tumblr. Despite those 6095 kilometres, which separate us from each other, it seems as if you’re right beside me, whenever we’re talking about everything and nothing at once. I’m beyond grateful for our connection, my love. Thank you for being you.

Oh, and @alinearthp, you made me smile with this cute drawing of Sevy and Jules! Thank you for your understanding of my ideas and for each of your lovely and kind messages! Feel hugged, my dear!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[drdemonprince]

If we are true abolitionists, and do not believe that the declarations of the state are somehow innately moral and right, then we have to confront the fact that 18 is not in fact a magic age at which a person suddenly becomes both deserving of freedom and no longer worthy of social protection. 

No age absolves us of our shared responsibility to look after a person’s life and honor their autonomy -- whether they’re 13, or 8, or 54, or 25. Control over one’s body, authority over one’s destiny, the ability to have a say in how one’s community is run and to actually be listened to some of the time, the ability to access  food and shelter and the freedom to choose and follow one’s own religious practices -- these are all things that ought to belong to all people of all ages. And these are things that unjust systems of power (including the state, the education system, or a controlling and isolating family) currently have the ability to take away from people of all ages. 

when we acknowledge this, conversations about how power can be leveraged against the young, and the old, and the disabled, and the otherwise vulnerable all get a lot more complex. conversations about consent, religious freedom, political representation, access to education, body autonomy, and the like all get way more complicated and dynamic too. There are just so many ways that we as a society trample all over others because they are too old or too young or too disabled or too poor and all kinds of ways that we coerce people into behaving the way society wants them to behave, often causing them great psychological suffering, and not only when they are a minor. 

But it’s non considered socially appropriate to even have these conversations, or to even openly acknowledge that 18 is not in fact some objective standard of when conscious competent personhood begins -- even if you bring this up in the context of needing to extend more and greater protections to people of all ages, folks will call you a groomer. It’s annoying to me how many left-leaning people I see, people who oppose the authority of the state in nearly every other conceivable respect, talking about age and freedom using the frameworks the state laid out as if they represent some objective moral and psychological reality. 

getting into the weeds on this topic is really really uncomfortable because people want to believe that children are both sacred and incompetent. they’re made into objects who both have no right to weigh in on how their bodies are treated, and are so precious that they need to be hidden away from the wider world and controlled by their families completely. and neither of those approaches actually make children safe -- that point of view endangers and dehumanizes them -- and it also does when we apply that kind of thinking to anybody else! (say, institutionalized people with intellectual disabilities, or persons with mental illness forced under a conservatorship). 

IDK man I used to find conversations about the abolition of the family and the need to rethink the use of children as political tools to be very unsettling and creepy. it’s a conversation that upends everything we were raised to believe will keep us safe. and i think nearly all of us have been preyed upon as kids, were exposed to violence and adult sexuality and inappropriate adult emotional needs far too young. 

and if you have that kind of traumatic upbringing in your history, a person questioning society’s entire framework and theory for keeping children ‘safe’ can feel absolutely terrifying. it destabilizes everything. 

but i’ve been thinking about it and knocking my skull against these ideas for years and at some point i could not help but face how much merit these ideas have. the oppression of children is of a piece with the oppression of disabled people, women, Black people, undocumented people, everybody that the state has previously held (or currently still holds) to not be a full person and to only deserve a coercive, controlling kind of protection. that point of view has never helped any marginalized group and it doesn’t help minors either and instead of questioning it we see people arguing for the age of majority to keep getting pushed back later, claiming that no one should be able to determine the course of their future life (or start hormones, or make big financial decisions) until they’re 25 years old or later. 

[bikananjarrus]

ok some thoughts on acolyte ep3! first, just wanted to say that i reallyyyy enjoyed this ep!!!

the writing was already quite a bit stronger in this episode, i thought. especially in terms of the mystery elements. for example: it seems straightforward that mae started the fire, but there's more going on there for sure, it seems like

because why was sol already at their compound when the fire started? and what happened that the reactor blew so quickly? so ery curious to see what happens there!

mother aniseya. just wow. (jodie turner-smith's performance was incredible.) the dichotomy between her and mother koril was really wonderful too, in terms of koril being much more outwardly stern, protective, and fierce, but she really does love and care for mae and osha (she carried them, they are her own). with aniseya much more calm, open, seemingly-soft. but clearly is in touch with a dark side (not necessarily the dark side). their dynamic was just really good!

(i have a feeling we might see koril again. no body or it didn't happen, right? and also idk, that shot of aniseya on the ground, also not convincing. but we shall see.)

also very curious about their witch "cult". why were they exiled? did the jedi exile them? it didn't look like there were any men there, just women (which, good for them!). it was really interesting hearing aniseya talk about the Force as a thread.

the ascension scene was incredibly shot and the MUSIC wow wow wow! i had chills. what an incredible scene.

in general the absence of almost all cgi (or at least major cgi) really let the performances (and the costumes and practical effects) shine, which i am so so happy to see.

the twin actresses for young mae and osha also did a phenomenal job. you could really feel osha's pull to explore and be part of the wider galaxy, to be an individual, with mae clinging on tighter and tighter bc she doesn't want to be alone. and the scene with mae going to the tree at the end to look for osha and her sister wasn't there, oof. very excited to see adult mae and osha to come face to face again and piece together what happened that night.

all in all, i really liked this episode! i was engaged the whole way through, and i'm so so excited for more!

[imagintheworldaway]

Here we go again

A/N idk how to even label this one??? kinda short, kinda happy, kinda sad, all over and plucking at my heart strings !!

this is also a kind of non specific one so i guess you could insert whoever !

Requests: Open

--------

My eyes darted around, watching the crowd filled with my friends laughing, drinking and dancing. I tapped the empty pint glass that was in front of me on the table when I heard the seat next to me scratch across the floor. “Hey stranger” a sweet voice said, causing my head to whip around and meet the gaze of an all too familiar face. She set a full pint glass in front of me whilst sipping on her own. “Penny for your thoughts?” she said, nodding towards the drink she had offered me. I moved my hand to grasp the full glass, taking a quick swig before angling my body towards her. “This is just crazy” I sighed, taking her in. Her hair was tucked behind her ears and she was wearing a light blue silk dress, simple, but it suited her. “I know, two weddings in one year” she laughed, circling the lip of her glass. “Just shows we’re getting older” she carried on biting her lip, looking over as the song changed and the crowd cheered. 

A low chuckle escaped my chest. “Remember, when i’d call you up every Saturday night, we would always be the last two walking home” i reminisced on the past. “I always remember watching the sun rise behind the skyscrapers, walking along the Thames, saying it now it sounds so romantic” she smiled looking back at me. I laughed, “yh, i’m sure the residents being woken up by our dreadful singing every sunday morning really saw the romance in it all”. I watched as a small blush formed beneath her makeup. “God, we were so oblivious,” she laughed. “No we were happy” I smiled sadly at her.gently covering her hand that now rested on the table with my own, squeezing lightly, like i used to. 

I remembered those nights. She would always say we were taking it easy, then after each round we both became more bold. I wasn't the most socially confident person but when i was with her, the crowd of other young adults having fun, the loud thumping music, the glare of the strobe lights, it all went away with the way her body swayed to the beat, the rhythm controlling her as she danced like she was the only person in the room. Slowly our friends would peel away, until we were the only two left, being kicked out the club. She would hold my hand as we drunkenly sang and danced down the river's edge. Every week would be the same, she would stop and watch the sunrise, as I watched the golden rays illuminate her face. She would tell me how beautiful it is and I would always agree. She would turn and with the confidence only alcohol could give us she would kiss me. We would be content in each other's company, our weekly routine would be the highlight for the both of us. We would act normal for the rest of the week, a normal non-labelled couple, until saturday night rolled around again and she would show up at my door, a bottle of that weeks poison in her hand, a cheeky grin on her face and she would always say ‘here we go again’. 

“They were good times” I broke the silence, sounding more sheepish than I had intended. “Yes, good memories” she trailed, re-tucking her hair that had fallen in front of her face. Sometimes it's easy to just focus on the good, but truly that's all we had. Nothing bad ever really happened. We never argued, only bickered, and our routine only stopped because we both had more career oriented commitments. I was doing more shoots and so was she. From weekly outings to monthly, to once in a blue moon to a complete halt. 

I was unapologetically staring at a face that hasn't really changed much over the years when a large hand was present on her shoulder. “Wanna dance?” A deep voice caught my attention as I looked up and reality came crashing down, making me feel rigid, my lungs were tight and my once comforting grip on her hand fell back to my side. Her cheeky smile that used to only be reserved for me appeared as she met the intense gaze of the man. She stood up taking the man's hand before turning back to me. She placed a soft hand on my shoulder, the diamond ring glinting in the light. “It was so nice to see you,” her soft voice said as she squeezed my shoulder and lingered a little too long. I was stunned for a second. “Oh yh, and congrats by the way” I said, the hurt in my voice a little to present, nodding to her hand. “Thank you” she said a little too quickly, glancing at the ring before sighing a little. The moment went as she plastered on a big smile and turned to her fiance “here we go again” she giggled as I watched him drag her to the dancefloor.

[moodr1ng]

taking further weight/fatphobia/ed/general depression vents under readmore lol

cause like i cannot express how genuinely bad the fatphobia i have against myself is. like. when i picture myself in my head, in the future, i always imagine myself as skinny, bc ive lived my entire adult (and teen) life thinking of my body as a temporary impediment which ill eventually fix. early last year i thought i finally had and was so happy and then gained all the weight back. and idk what to do about it bc i have tried so so so hard to just 'accept being fat' and as i have said again i do not understand how that is possible in this society and i have never managed to get anywhere close to that and dont know how to.

and as a result of this i have considered like. every awful awful option out there for losing weight. like, i tried to get my doctor to prescribe me diet pills. i looked into ozempic and the only reason im NOT trying to illegally get some is that its for diabetic people and it harms them to take from the limited supply. i looked into various weight loss surgeries (be it bariatric surgery, which i cant get bc im not fat enough to qualify, or liposuccion but even if i could realistically afford it i hear it doesnt work in the long run). ive starved myself so much, tried so many diets, so many sports, never managed to stay on for long enough to maintain the results. no joke, i have considered developing a heroin or coke habit EXCLUSIVELY to lose weight, and the reason im not doing that is its too expensive. i complain about my adhd meds giving me food disgust but tbh every time it happens im also relieved bc it means i wont be able to eat for a few days. idk what to do anymore bc this is ruining my life and has been ruining my life for most of it.

i literally feel so worthless, ridiculous and unloveable specifically bc of my weight, and in particular the way its disposed on my body. i would be fine having fat arms, fat thighs, i would probably dig having a fat ass and chest and hips tbh! but i store all my fat on my belly and thats the one part i dont want to be fat, as well as my face and neck. this is such a massive block for me tbh. like, when i talk to new people i always feel like theyre looking down on me or find me pathetic because im fat (and bc im short which is my other major insecurity - i feel like being tall and fat is acceptable but not being short and fat). i dont take any compliments i get at face value bc i feel like everyone is just being nice by pretending like i could EVER be good looking. the only time ive ever felt attractive since i was a young teen was when i had lost the weight last year, and i couldnt maintain that bc it was so stringent.

sometimes when i think "i might be fat for the rest of my life and never manage to maintain being thin" i contemplate suicide over it. its like, the one thing about me i can never accept. i used to have so much internalized racism as a kid/young teen but i eventually got over that and came to appreciate my non-white features and even wish i had inherited more of my mothers looks (like her hair). i used to be so insecure about not being masculine enough but today im actually more into being kind of androgynous. i used to hate everything about myself and ive gotten much better about a lot of it. i dont hate my facial features or my hands or my legs or my arms anymore. i just hate my weight. and its the one thing i cant fucking get rid of.

and like, ive tried so hard to just.. look at other people ik with similar body types who i think are super attractive and think "if theyre attractive and they look like me, surely i could be too?" but it never works no matter what. and i mean, ik outside of like, societal fatphobia, a big part of it is my ed right. like obviously as long as i have an ed that is focused on wanting to lose weight im never gonna be able to accept being fat. but i cant get help for my ed bc there are no resources. and there are no medical professionals who will help me accept being fat bc theyre also fatphobic and they only want to help me lose weight, and they cant even manage to do that.

im just extremely tired of it all. every day i wish i was skinny. i can live w all the rest. i just need to be thin. i dont even need to be bone thin or whatever i just wanna be average. and its so fucking hard for so many reasons. i can almost never cook for myself bc of The Mental Shit. if i do cook for myself its rly hard to do anything complicated so its often not very balanced or healthy. and i rely so much on fast food, takeout and frozen meals bc of this inability to cook. and then theres the emotional shit - bc ever since i was little ive binged whenever i felt anything. bored? binge. angry? binge. sad? binge. happy? binge. theres no emotional state that doesnt wanna make me binge. and the only way i can stave it off is like.. either indulge in other vices (drugs alcohol etc) or just. dip into the restriction part of the ed and start starving myself again. and ofc once it becomes unbearable.. more binging. idk. idk. im at a loss. no one can help. and theres so many things piled on top of each other that make everything impossible.

im not even just talking about the weight - i mean everything in my life is like this carefully balanced tower of cards where each bad thing supports another bad thing supporting another bad thing until it builds into this massive self-sustaining network of dysfunction.

its like. i wake up in the morning (still tired from whatever the hell is wrong w my sleep, probably didnt sleep enough or too much, either way feeling bad). my room is a mess and theres fruit flies everywhere bc of the heat and i need to clean, but bc i woke up exhausted and feeling sick i have no energy to. i go get some water and theres a pile of dishes in the sink that are getting grosser and grosser but the idea of washing them is so daunting i cant bring myself to. i need to shower, but showering is such a hard task, and then if i shower i also need to brush my teeth and take care of my hair and thats so much energy. and if i do all that, well, i havent done the laundry in like 2 weeks so i have nothing clean to wear, so if im gonna shower i should do the laundry so i dont just get clean to put on dirty clothes right. and doing the laundry and hanging the stuff to dry is also such a hard task. and then if im clean and wearing clean clothes, am i just gonna get back in my dirty bed? i also need to change the bedsheets, and i hate doing that. and if im gonna change the sheets then i probably should fucking clean the bedroom, right. and i dont have the energy to do literally any of that. so im dirty, my room is dirty, my kitchen is dirty, i feel like shit, im tired, i havent eaten anything yet. maybe a decent meal would help. but a meal means cleaning some pot and pan to cook stuff in. and then it means cleaning it again after im done cooking, and also cleaning the dishes. and fucking hell i cant do that. so i think, maybe ill go to the convenience store and get a sandwich. but that means i need to get dressed and do my hair and i probably smell bed and i cant just go out like this and im SO TIRED. so i go to order takeout. and sure i could get something fresh and healthy like a poke bowl or something, but thatll cost me like 25 bucks, and i could just get a burger and fries for 10. so i get that. and i dont feel any better, because ive been eating carbs, sugar, and some shitty processed meat near-exclusively for the past several years. and im so tired and feel so awful and so guilty and so gross, so i just start smoking and drinking. maybe if im lucky ill do some art or whatever. and thats how my day goes and then ill go to sleep in my unchanged sheets unshowered laundry undone room dirty dishes piled up. have a bunch of nightmares wake up drenched in sweat etc. and do the same thing tomorrow.

and idk how to fix any of this bc its a cycle right. like where do i start? i feel like i cant do anything bc everything is SO heavy SO tiring SO daunting and im just so exhausted. i want to sleep for 10 years. i want to be happy again. but whenever im not happy i forget how it felt to be happy. so theres nothing to look forward to. and then i think about killing myself again. and thats just how it goes.

ig thats why im so so hopeful to actually get an at-home aid who can get me to do chores and get groceries and shit bc that might actually be the one thing that breaks the cycle, cause i definitely cant do it by myself.

[ihaventcomeupwthanameforaheroyet]

Reverse AU where Armand is Marius' maker? Yes, but I think we should take this further. Imagine a reverse AU where adult!Armand (40 mortal + 1500 vampire years old Armand) is the Master of a 17 y.o. Marius.

Imagine teen!Marius being a very serious young man and... not entirely asexual, but he knows he has the whole life ahead of him, and does not feel the need to hurry up. Like, sorry, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your kind invitation, but I have books to read, and I should be home by sunset to greet my Master properly, therefore, I regretfully decline. Imagine a young loyal Marius who firmly ignores Bianca's very obvious advances because he knows that his Master courts this woman, and he would be an ungrateful pupil if he stood in his Master's way (of course, his own feelings regarding this matter are completely irrelevant). Imagine Armand being mad because he already decided this boy will have the whole eternity to enjoy his goddamn reading and writing, but has very limited time to engage into other activities, but he can't explain this to Marius without revealing too much, or can he? And then this epic moment probably happens...

(This is a screenshot from Rome HBO series, but I totally HC same thing also happened to young Marius at some point of his mortal life, AU or not AU.)

For the first time in his Venice years, Marius considers disobedience. He can't explain or rationalize why he is opposed to the idea. He goes to the brothel anyway. The act is pleasant but otherwise deeply unsatisfying. He can't justify this feeling, either. It seems that everything suddenly makes no sense at all. On the way home he considers drowning himself in a canal. He doesn't. Instead, he returns to the palazzo and has a very polite Marius-style silent meltdown and no one knows how to deal with this until Armand returns. They talk. They finally talk. And then they don't. And then they finally don't. And then Maruis thinks he probably understands what everything was about. BTW, he makes zero drama out of the fact that some of his Master's body parts do not function the way they are supposed to. On the opposite, he thinks he is connecting the dots now. He totally knows this may happen to older men because his books told him so. And at this point he suspects his Master is older than he seems (there is a talk in the palazzo that he is a magician or something), therefore, nothing to worry about. He suddenly understands why his Master was so insistent about the whole... virginity matter - like, "go enjoy all these things while your body is still young". His own feelings make more sense now, too. He is certainly happy to have a satisfying intimate life, but he is even more content now than every irrational thing received a consistent explanation.

And then teen!Marius gets himself mortally wounded, IDK, maybe while defending his Master's honour on a duel or something? And then he is so surprised to find out that he was not entirely wrong, but still... wrong. About certain things. And then probably comes the whole "we kill to live" thing, and it probably comes along with some drama, because it's Marius we are talking about. A man who claimed he haven't killed anyone in his mortal life. And then the separation, the lonesome journey through the centuries to come, the reunion in modern timeline and everything else.

Bonus points if teen!Marius was the voice of reason in the palazzo and talked his peers out of any mischief as much as possible. More bonus points if adult!Armand is a da Vinci type of artist, always engaged into his flying machines as much as he is into his paintings (I mean, canon Armand is good with technology, this fact should be used somewhere!).

I wish I could write fiction.