#idk what I have done to find myself attracted to people who happen to be dry texters

[fr3aklike-me]

getting to know someone on text when they're not an expressive texter is so--

[stateswscarlet]

i want to manifest my desired face whenever i dont see a movement i go crazy and the cycle starts again, i just wanna get my df but im tired of this cycle i always go back and nothing happens, i feel like all that thing is waste of time but at the same time ik its true cuz i've manifested a lot of things. but whenever it comes to my df i cant stop wanting it and after fulfilling myself i feel like it's done, but after 10 mins it happens again. i start to get mad at 3d again and its just so .. i cried becaus i want my df and 3d makes me crazy. i feel like nothing happens im so desperate i dont wanna read 823823 loa posts anymore i just want to be pretty as like others. i hate that feeling of 'trying so hard' hope u answer

<3

this genuinely makes my heart hurt :(

this is what i told another anon:

“unrelated, idk what youre desiring to change about your face but make sure you’re approaching it from love and not hating/disliking your current self. it makes me so sad whenever people tell me theyre manifesting a whole new face thinking itll make them happy, prettier, attention from people, etc and it wont at all. changes starts within and you are more than worthy of being just the way you are and treating yourself with love and compassion.”

please understand that “getting” a physical change will never ever ever ever take away your insecurities or make you happier, fulfilled, nor will it make you feel pretty from the inside. literally look at all the supermodels and stars who are drop dead gorgeous who we pine after who are incredibly insecure and are constantly hyperaware of their insecurities and flaws.

PLEASE i beg you the best thing you can do for yourself is practice self love RIGHT NOW the way you are. stop waiting for some ideal face before you chose to love yourself, as that day will never come. you will find more and more reasons to feel insecure and upset at the 3D and be running in an endless cycle “manifesting” things to change but you’ll never be satisfied.

you need to remove your dependence from the 3D/outer world by understanding it can never give you anything. go within and instead of focusing so much on your face changing focus instead on the feelings of being secure, safe, etc regardless. stop chasing shallow things like pretty privilege and attention and anything else you THINK your df will give you (spoiler: it wont give you any of that).

coming from someone who isn’t conventionally attractive and used to hate herself and her looks, it is SO important to love yourself and accept yourself the way you are first before expecting others to do that. i learned to love myself exactly the way i am. my inner shift changed my attitude and how i viewed myself which led to others reflecting that. i started getting attention, pretty privilege, etc (which now i know are just shallow things) without a single physical change.

i really hope you understand where im coming from anon. its not that you cant have your df, but if youre unable to love yourself right now you wont be able to love yourself with your df bc youll find a million other reasons not to. once you remove this from the pedestal you have it on (thinking itll make you pretty, etc) it will be much easier to focus on the feelings of security and anything else you desire.

[lycan-troth]

I'm so confused by the asexual spectrum, and I mean that respectfully. There's so many variations that I can't keep up with them. I've tried to understand what they are, but I've not been able to find anything that explains them simply and clearly.

Before ppl get mad or offended... I'm saying this bcs I think I could be on the spectrum, but bcs it's so confusing, I can't tell if I am or not. I just want to see simple explanations, but I can't wrap my head around all the different versions. So, I was hoping someone knowledgeable on the subject could suggest what I could be? I'm lesbian and she/they, so I understand those parts of my identity, just for some subtext. I'm just stumbling on how I (don't) experience attraction.

So, I'm 22, and I have no experience with intimacy or romance. Though, that's mainly bcs I haven't had the opportunities. I'd never be intimate with a stranger or a friend. I've only been in love once. I've only felt significant attraction to maybe 4 or 5 people? I usually catch myself trying to see if I find anyone attractive, and it often feels forced bcs the high majority of ppl I see are not attractive to me. I observe ppl, trying to find elements of them that might spark something in me, but nothing happens. I've tried to force crushes on myself before, and it just feels desperate and lonely. I feel no genuine attraction. Just indifference. It bothers me. I want to feel attraction more often, but I don't.

A good thing is that I'm not someone who's usually considered attractive. I'm cute and innocent-like, but nothing more. I'm basically that one friend everyone assumes is innocent and kind like a kid, and no one decent is interested in that. And that's okay, bcs I don't find anyone around me attractive, haha. It's just lonely. The few times I've been attracted to someone has always been really overwhelming for me. I've literally gone weak in the knees and almost fallen over bcs I saw a rlly attractive girl. But always, when I've felt attraction, I've also been afraid. I've often joked to myself that if i feel intimidated by a girl and she hasn't done anything to warrant that response, then she's just really pretty.

I have never approached anyone I've found very attractive bcs it just seems rlly weird to me. Plus, I always don't know them, or they're seeing someone, and I'm always an anxious wreck. In general, I can not recognise flirting or subtle things. I'm autistic and while my social skills aren't bad, they only go so far, lol. So, maybe someone has tried flirting before, and I just thought they were being nice? That's why I don't do subtle. The ppl in my life know that I don't play games. If I have a problem with someone, I'd tell them. If I'm happy spending time with someone, I let them know. I tell a few ppl I love them, that's a big thing for me. I like directness, but I know lots of ppl struggle with it. However, for me, I need it to be able to understand the full picture properly. Idk why so many ppl like playing weird cat and mouse games. Someone said it was to be mysterious or to not show 'too much' interest. That to me is just stupid and childish. I get feeling scared of rejection, but I don't like it when ppl mess around. It's impolite to play with someone's feelings, making them question whether you like them or not. It just breeds insecurity and doubt. To me, it's unattractive and boring. It's not romantic. But that's just me, and I'm often enough the odd one out.

Anyway, it is not often I feel attraction. Ppl are usually boring. I have felt that a few ppl were cute during brief interactions, so if those continued, perhaps that sort of feeling could have developed. I'm open to marriage with the right person, but only if they're The One. I'd only date someone if I knew them well enough, but I'm not open to dating casually. I feel very intensely about most things, and I have been in love once. It was an online relationship. I loved her very much and only wanted her happiness and comfort. I hadn't meant to fall in love, and I'd never intended to have an online relationship. But I loved her, and that changed my mind. When she broke up with me, I accepted it and comforted her about it. I mentioned that I was sad about it, naturally, but I didn't say much more than that. I understood it was difficult and upsetting for her to break up, so I respected her decision and minimalised communicating the extent of how upset I felt. I did that because telling her wouldn't be a kindness or productive. It would only make her feel more upset and guilty. We're still friends. I always thought ppl were being dramatic when they said that first loves were devastating or sad. I loved and was loved in return, which makes the experience worth it. I hope to find love again, someday.

I like the idea of romance and comfort, but obtaining it isn't so simple. However, I refuse to settle for less than what I want. On the other hand: intimacy. I'm not upset that I've never done anything. Sure, in theory, I'd like to have a bit of experience, but I don't, and that's okay. My hand does the trick for me just fine, so I'm not frustrated at all. If I had a partner, in theory, I believe if I trusted them enough, we might do something together, but in reality? Idk, but I like the idea of it.

That's all I can think of to mention. So, if someone could make a suggestion or something, I'd appreciate it. Even if it's just to tell me that I'm not part of the asexual spectrum, and I'm just an introverted, anxious, autistic, lesbian who's suffering under the devastation that is other ppl's commitment issues. That'd be fine. I'm just feeling lost and would appreciate a kind word of reassurance.

[starz4valen]

queers im fucking lost come save me

ok but in all seriousness,

despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.

i have had ONE EX. one.

i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.

as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)

we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.

then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^

but,,,idk anymore

i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”

i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.

but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.

now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.

I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out

if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.

thanks to anyone who read all this <3

[ladyartichokie]

0-44 on the ask game. I'm nosy and even though I know the answer to several of those questions I'm not going to type out every single number individually.

(plz feel free to ignore this ask lol I don't seriously expect you to type all that out even tho I'd read it)

killing you killing you killing you

0: Height? 5'0"

1: Virgin? You know the answer to this

2: Shoe size? Anywhere from Womens 5 to 9

3: Do you smoke? Nope

4: Do you drink? Occasionally

5: Do you take drugs? Nope. But fun fact, I had to take painkillers when I was little and they altered my taste buds

6: Age you get mistaken for? Well when I was like 11-12 I would get mistaken for 16. Now I think most people assume I'm around 18 just because I'm in advanced classes? IDK though

7: Have tattoos? Nay, my liege

8: Want any tattoos? I have mixed feelings on the morality of tattoos, but I know what I would get if I were to get some

9: Got any piercings? Just basic lobe piercings. I'm currently trying to convince my parents to let me get a second lobe piercing

10: Want any piercings? Yes

11: Best friend? Arnold Schwarzenegger

12: Relationship status? Single/married to more people than I can count

13: Biggest turn ons? I'm not answering this. (voice.)

14: Biggest turn offs? I'm not answering this

15: Favorite movie? 10 Things I Hate About You, Much Ado About Nothing, The Princess Bride, The Italian Job

16: I’ll love you if... you don't make fun of me for being excited for something. Or if you tell me something reminded you of me.

17: Someone you miss? My fake grandfather

18: Most traumatic experience? I'm not answering this, bestie

19: A fact about your personality... I'm actually really good at giving advice. I wasn't even aware of this until I accurately predicted exactly what would happen to multiple of my friends/their relationships

20: What I hate most about myself... my pride. I have a massive ego because I'm really smart and I know it.

21: What I love most about myself... IDK man.

22: What I want to be when I get older... A Dominican Sister

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)... They're good! It hasn't always been like this, but we're getting better

24: My relationship with my parent(s)... Always good with my dad, iffy with my mom

25: My idea of a perfect date... Truthfully I don't know. My parents didn't date before they got engaged, so dating has always seemed kind of odd to me.

26: My biggest pet peeves... People who buy crocheted stuff from fast fashion stores. I hate fast fashion in general, but crochet can ONLY be done by a human, so it's basically guaranteed that you're buying the product of slave-labor.

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

28: A description of the person I dislike the most... I actually am really bad at disliking people. Every single person who I've met and started out disliking I eventually came to like for one reason or another.

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend... uhhh. Boredom? IDK. I used to be a bit of a pathological liar, but I can't think of a recent lie I've told a friend

30: What I hate the most about work/school... bad seminars

31: What your last text message says... The most recent thing I sent someone (you) was "I did read 1.5 books from HTTYD"

32: What words upset me the most... huh, IDK. I can't think of any off the top of my head

33: What words make me feel the best about myself... This one is hard because I'm in this weird phase where I don't want my accomplishments recognized, and compliments in general frustrate me. I don't know why this is.

34: What I find attractive in women... Kindness that isn't wet-blanketness

35: What I find attractive in men... Warmness. Which, granted, sound like kindness but it isn't. (for legal reasons my answers to both this question and the previous one are purely platonic and subject to change)

36: Where I would like to live... a convent

37: One of my insecurities... My weight. I am going to the gym 2-4 times a week now, though, so I'm working on it.

38: My childhood career choice... a nun

39: My favorite ice cream flavor... Cookie Dough

40: Who wish I could be... a better person

41: Where I want to be right now... right where I am (that is, my bed)

42: The last thing I ate... a brownie

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately... Dobby

44: A random fact about anything... I'm currently trying to figure out how to make a cross-stitch that captures the vibe of No Longer You from Epic the Musical

For the record, you already knew at least half of these so I truly don't know why I bothered doing this.

[autisticempathydaemon]

hey hey! idk if this is where I submit for the match up! but I would love to see who you think I'd fit in with! I'm a creative soul who tends to try to develop deep friendships with people above everything. I have a bit of a savior complex as well lol I work hard and play harder, trying to find new adventures to go on with those i care about. I tend to support others before supporting myself, and while im happy to let others open up to me its hard for me to open up in return. the best way i can feel close to someone is deep conversations and being creative with them!

My current fav song has been Maybe IDK by John Bellion, specifically the lyric "i guess if i knew tomorrow i guess i wouldnt need faith"  just the idea of living today to the best you can just because you don't know what will happen tomorrow. the worries of the future should keep you down today

My current fav Redacted audio has to be the Helping your Werewolf bf shift again. Specifically the acting is just so good to me. Erik did an amazing job of portraying Milo's anguish and pain at not being able to shift. Plus the relieved sobs at the end is so satisfying and emotional. 

The one boy i cant get the hype around is Ivan. like sure the yandere thing is somewhat attractive to some, but i just don't like the idea of an actual psychopath being obsessed with me.

my favorite movie is definitely the Secret Life of Walter Mitty by Ben Stiller. its less of a quotable movie and more of i remember every scene very distinctly. its a movie that envelops my own escapism. its beautifully shot, wonderfully acted, and a wholesome story on a rainy day.

my platonic redacted crush has to be Damien. he seems like a blast to interact with and tease. he's a hard worker and is tied close to his goals which i can admire. i would love to body double with him if i had some tasks to get done

space is also 100% my ramble subject when im sleepy, that and greek mythology

My guilty pleasure media is currently the animated shows Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Lego Monkie Kid. despite being kids shows, both of these are beautifully animated and shockingly well written!

I hope that gives you an idea of me! I look forward to who you think i match with!

Hmm, lots of good tidbits of information to consider. You strike me as really thoughtful, really caring, and I think Lasko could really benefit from a partner like that.

A savior complex, from what I understand, is just wanting to help people and make their lives better, and Lasko’s a guidance counselor, so y’all would have that in common. What’s good about pairing two people like that is y’all could keep each other in line, so to speak. Something that’s important when you’re always looking out for other people is to make sure someone is always looking out for you and vice versa. You and Lasko together would always make sure you’re taking care of others, each other, and yourselves.

Another reason I like the two of you together is that you like being creative with one another as a bonding activity. You know what’s the ultimate way to be creative together? Tabletop role playing games! If you don’t already play, Lasko would be so excited to help you with a character sheet, to help you craft a backstory, paint some mini figurines, go out and buy the perfect game dice and notebooks- the greatest combination of nerdy and cute in a couple.

Song:

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go/ Will you won't you, be the one I always know?/ When I'm losing my control, the city spins around/ You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

One, the whole vibe of “you slow me down, I’ll look after you, we’re here for each other” vibes are exactly what I’m picturing for y’all. Also, Lasko and I are around the same age, and I heard this song a lot growing up. I have some weird, like, emotional resonance with it from childhood, and I think Lasko does too. Like, it makes him nostalgic and longing; maybe he always wanted someone to look after and to look after him, and now he’s finally found that in you.

Runner-Ups:

A very reasonable runner-up for you would be Camelopardalis because he would do a great job making sure you balance work and your personal life and that you don’t put others before yourself too much. A more fun runner-up would be Guy because I love sticking that beautiful Creative Writing major with other beautiful, creative people!

note: thank you for waiting, dear, and I hope you like your match-up! 💕

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[joy-drops]

this mf long so don't tell me i didn't warn u

been in a rut for over a year

something something autistic burnout

idk the cause or the solution

just trying to survive each day as best i can

easier said than done when everything that brings me joy (ha) is behind a pay wall

that's capitalism baby~

found out fauna is going to the only anime convention i can attend on a reasonable budget.... but im already so broke....

I'd shell out the cash (debt) if it meant guaranteeing a spot at the meet and greet but they might not release info until too late when plane tickets are unaffordable ;_;

i wanna look forward to something because sustaining my sanity on retail therapy and getting high definitely is losing its effectiveness

brain always returns to the loneliness. i know its crippling but how much of my struggle is from that and how much is from my disability... they're both invisible which makes it hard to tell

would having a partner help that much? my gut tells me yes since ill have motivation to live if i have someone to share existence with but that feels like putting all my eggs in one basket and setting myself up for an unhealthy relationship

i like to think i won't fall down that path of toxic codependency like i have in the past tho im not crazy confident based on my track record

Which reminds me I've realized how appealing polyamory sounds to me but I'm terrible in groups I feel like I'd be overwhelmed with more than 3 (including myself) tho who knows what can happen

REGARDLESS i guess i gotta talk to people and make friends since i am incapable of socializing with the intention of dating (trust issues yippee)

i wish i had a crush at the very least. i bring this up often but i fucking miss the feeling of legitimate interest and attraction towards someone

How do I meet someone, become comfortable enough with them, and ultimately find a partnership that satisfies my insane desires???? maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse? Tackling too much at once? Something like that...

Imma be real the only reason I'm active on here is another mechanism to cope with this loneliness (akin to listening to asmr for instant happy brain juice + with the added benefit of "putting myself out there")

My strange fantasy that I'll meet people on here like I did years ago and magically hit it off

AAAAAAUGGHHHHH how did I do it back then it seemed so easy what happened to my social skills (trauma, probably)

How is it I work 2 days a week and am still drained constantly? when will I be free from sleepy bitch syndrome? it's like I've been running on fumes for the past year WHEN WILL I HAVE THE WILL TO LIVE AGAIN

i miss having someone to talk to frequently about everything

i have my besties but unfortunately knowing there's no sexual or romantic attraction there makes it hard for me to get past these barriers?? Is that weird? I wanna be able to be intimate with someone and close but for me that's intrinsically tied to sex and romance. I'm overflowing with platonic friendships to the point where I had to cut off a bunch and leave many people I care about hanging because I simply have no energy to exist anymore

I've been doing my best each day but it only gets harder

The only thing I have energy for is getting high and living inside the fantasies my brain can muster as a means to cope with how lonely I am

I dream of being hugged, of someone touching me, of being accepted for all my flaws and reassured that my existence isn't shameful. I live for the day these might become reality

Since as long far back as highschool I've yearned for intimacy

Physical intimacy specifically since the most I've done is hold hands and lil cute things like that I CRAVE SKINSHIP UNLIKE ANYTHING ELSE

Anyway if anybody made it this far hi feel free to confess ur undying love 2 me

[misty-missdee]

(Some of the names in this story have been altered. Viewer discretion advised.)

Okay, it's storytime. Cause this shit still baffles me to no end so I gotta write about it.

At my job I met these two women who I now affectionately refer to as "my two goth moms" and they're great! They've been super duper sweet to me, and have done a lot of cool things to help me exist.

One of them, we'll call her Viper, is this 41-42 year old super duper og goth. Sometimes wearing trip pants to work in our business casual office type lady. She's very cool and nice, but sometimes people misundstand her, because she has a loud voice and an aesthetic. Viper has a girlfriend who we will call Tiffany.

When I met Viper, Tiffany did not work in our office, but I had met her a couple times when they took me out as a baby trans who had no idea what she was doing. Which was nice!

Tiffany is a early 30s individual who had some dire shit happen to her when she was in the army. Like, more than one dire thing which we needn't get into but I feel it's relevant.

I had quit my job briefly whilst I was tryna discover the meaning of life, but eventually came back and now Tiffany was also working there. Which was fine for a time, but It meant I was spending more time around Tiffany who started to have a lot of struggles at work. The more time I spent in her proxy the more my vibe reading sensor in my brain was like "hey uh, something is off with this individual."

Long story short with that she had to take loa, and then quit. I would still hang out with the two of them outside of work, because im tryna be a friend and have friends on occasion. However, "The vibe is still kinda off..".

Just a few things that made me like, idk about this person. She was also starting to text me paragraphs upon paragraphs. I guess she just did this to people, but I didn't really love it, because it reminded of my my Mother who had a tendency to smother me. Im also just not tryna read a ton of words all the time. So I didn't always respond to these excerpts from her self help novel she was texting me (thats a joke). I don't like to be coddled.

One day she sent one about some unsubstantial interaction we had where she got referred to as a mother too, since shes dating my goth mom Viper. Tiffany asking me not to do that is fine, but then equated it to my transness and my "request to be called a woman" as she put it. Which I understand now wasn't how she meant it, but I was rubbed the wrong way. It was infuriating read when I'm having some pretty intense identity issues at that time, so I'm really not tryna engage with any of this anymore. (It's also not a "request" motherfucker).

I had responded to that particular longasstextmessage with "certainly" to Tiffany's request to not calling her mommy(not even as a joke im supr srs). I'm sure "certainly" can be read as a bit annoyed. Which hey! You'd be right.

She responded with a one to two word response which honestly had me shook. Then several minutes later an overcorrction paragraph or two.

I try to distance myself at this point, because Tiffany is now actively making MY ANXIETY WORSE. some weeks pass, and I'm cooking in my kitchen when I get a message. All I see at that exact time is the preview of the message and I read "from Tiffany: I'm attracted to you...". I can't help but laugh, because like again, we were no more than acquaintances miss.. you can't honestly be this down bad over me that youre saying IM IN YOUR DREAMS AT NIGHT DISTRACTING YOU ALL THE TIME. I'm also really not trying to wreck my adoptive mother's home!!! AAAAAA!!!

So I wrecked my adoptive mother's home(sorta). Viper and Tiffany ended up breaking up, because Tiffany was becoming increasingly delusional about many things in her life. The final straw was Tiffany refusing to go to therapy, and not fully anything to do with me (thank goodness).

Thankfully where we find ourselves now in relation to this story Tiffany is in therapy. Viper and I are still good friends. Viper and Tiffany are still decent friends though they're not living together, or really an item.

Tiffany also... bought me some Christmas presents I didn't accept during the holidays, because all of this was ongoing. It wasnt until March where i accepted them from Viper. Tiffany bought me a really expensive bong, which I guess is a nice gesture for everything that happened, but gosh.. it still felt like a crazy gift from someone whose energies were so off, and we weren't even that close. Its a real nice bong at least.

So, Thats my story about how I was too nearby this one person and she fell madly in love with me somehow, ruined her own relationship, and I got a nice, new bong.

[agustdiv1ne]

i dont wanna reblog on this acc for reasons, but i just finished telepathy (got off track so many times im sorry) and its literally the best thing i have ever read in my entire life. like istg there were a few moments when i laughed out loud (taehyuns "thats nepotism" caught me so off guard i giggled) (there was another moment at the beginning i don't remember the line) and i genuinely laughed when he first found out what she listens too 😭 i think this fic is the most relatable to me, tbh, bc like if you saw me in the street, i look like an innocent chubby girl, not someone who writes hybrid smut about people on the internet 💀 like im totally the type to get off to someone i saw randomly somewhere (ive done it before)

AND THE SCENE WITH HIM JACKING OFF>??????? like i was reading with a straight face until the fUCKING BUTTON UP???? LIKE ITS THE LITTLE DETAILS THAT COUNT ISTG (mental reminder for when i write later)

i already knew what was gonna happen as soon as i read pseudo-fingering in the warnings last night, but reading it was a whole fucking other story, i swear to fucking god. i've become kind of immune to reading smut in my experienced age (😭), so it's rare for me to find a fic that gives, like, ALL the tingles (iykyk)

and this one gave so much more than that- like if i was home alone right now, this would be jackoff material, i am not kidding you. like the pretty girl thing was already a little sjkhbdehdfb to me, and then just the whole "dont make it obvious" was so sjkdhbshjdi

AND THEN THE FUCKING SCENE???? LIKE IM SORRY I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT AT ALL and like, im sorry gyu but if this ever happened to me i would not be able to stay quiet at all. like legitimately i'd be crying.

i was just WAITING for that ending if im being honest, like i LIVE for stuff like this where its so nonchalant at the beginning like "are you alright? 🥺" and i was just waiting for her to recognize his voice ACK and then the "pretty girl" GOT ME LIKE IF THIS HAPPENED TO ME AND IT WAS SOMEONE SO FUCKING ATTRACTIVE ID FAINT

here's my actual reaction to that last line (the middle is cut off because i had my hand over my mouth going "oh my god oh my god") (and dw im okay that squeak was a laugh)

ADA I LOVE U.

mannn what if i cry. then what. genuinely that is such an honor :'))) no bc same, like u would never guess what i do on this hellsite j from what i look like LMAO

SCREECHES i loveee adding little details to my scenes (it's also why my fics are becoming obscenely long,, sorry everyone, idk what happened to the 7-8k projection,,,,), idk why but writing that had my heaving trying to hold myself together...yeah

pseudo-fingering LOL i truly still don't know how else to describe it...my guy was mind fucking her fr,,, can't believe i actually broke ur immunity for a hot second that's so funny to me

HGKDJL i was projecting heavily in this one i'm ngl 🤣🤣 like exhibitionism is kinda,,, yeah. Yeah. i also dream abt being called pretty girl one day 🤣 manifesting it rn actually

HAHAHA no bc same, i wouldn't be able to keep it together i'd writhing and crying and disintegrating LMFAO,, mc was so strong ngl i wish i could be like her.........but alas, i am Weak

UR REACTION I'M FUCKING DYINGGG,, but that was what i was going for so i'm glad it worked 😁 THANK U FOR READING!!! AND SENDING ME AMAZING FEEDBACK ILY ADA PLS TAKE CARE OF URSELF <3333333

[cordeliawhohung]

Hiiiiii 😁💫 guess this is my official introduction because why not. I've been discovered 🤭 can't out ghost the original ghost. But i wasn't VEERY subtle and maybe you're just smart.

I screamed when you followed me. That was fun, the anticipation from the last ask I sent when you mentioned you had a hunch. I was just counting down the seconds lol. I actually did forget most of what I wanted to say so I'll just say it later whenever it comes back to me.

You're truly an amazing writer btw. I say this in almost every ask and I mean it every time, but you can never really hear it enough so I'll continue 🙏🏻 It kinda amazes me that you (people in general, myself included) have lives outside of writing and social media (well like duh), but the fact those lives are sometimes─ often quite hectic and challenging, yet despite literally not having time there'll always be time for writing? And the amount of fucking creativity that comes thro in people's fics has me wanting to pursue world domination in the name of writers and readers. I know it's said literally all the time but the ✨magic💫, life, emotion, and what all that envelopes a person when they're in touch with this part of themselves.. and they find a love and passion for either writing, reading or both, it's a literal safe haven. Personally, maybe for others as well, but it just invokes this kind of attitude in us that's unrivaled and unmatched. Reality is a bitch and being a dreamer is a coping mechanism. It's also just pure unrestricted love and joy, you don't need a reason to read or to write, you just feel the urge and you act upon it. I've had many instances where I dropped reading/writing for months, years, then found myself coming back? I thought I was done! This is actually a rebooted account. Anyways. Trials, obstacles, challenges, it's all been a part of my growth. And through them I found pieces of myself.

I mean I literally just got back into the call of duty Fandom?? a month ago, but I've been playing mobile for a couple of years, watched my brother and father play it most of my life, and weirdly found myself here now at 19 simping fawning over ghost. how'd that even happen. not questioning it just curious. That's how I stumbled across your fics, and it instantly clicked. I mean, your writing is enjoyable, the plot is interesting and alluring, it's well written, you have a way with words and expressing the emotions thro those words, and to add─ the way you've characterized ghost is just attractive and also so real. I don't mean as in cannon compliant real? (is that the word?) But like, he feels real. They both feel real. Their personalities, back stories and pasts feel real. It's in the small habits. It's just the normal things but you capture them. It's art. Your mind is art.

Now you, myself, and others would argue that ahh it's not that great─ we're not that great. Well, nothing's ever perfect and we'll never ever reach that level of satisfaction with ourselves or our works, but I'd argue we're always learning and always improving. So you can be proud of yourself for getting atleast 50 words written and put together all while fighting thro life aka adulting aka working ect. Your fics make me happy. So fucking happy. It's just a feeling that can't be described but it's real and it's definitely there!! And manh, I appreciate you for it because we all need that little something that carries us through. You helped my love for writing grow within a split second (maybe a few days? XD ) and it's just wild because fuck- I feel so ready to learn more.. Be more. And Idk how this exactly correlates to me as a person and wanting to be more and make something more of my days? But I guess that's just how it works, writing and reading and losing your mind to fiction and fantasies.

I know I rambled A LOT. And a small part of me is like what the actual fuck😅 but I'm sending this because I feel like you're a person who won't shut someone down. A few too many blogs have this weird intimidation and cold front that's lowkey scary. I'm not complaining just saying.. Everyone's different and I don't expect everyone to be all sunshines and warm energy.

But never mind that. Take your time responding! I know it's a lot to take in. I did say (warn) I talk alot. I hope this makes you smile and feel some ounce of pride in yourself because you deserve it 💫

AHHHHHHHHHH;alkjdsfkl sdfkl

HELLO LOVELY yes yes yes i like, was super tempted to dm but i'm like...... what if i'm wrong and i just harass some poor soul? i can be smart sometimes >:3

I'm writing this yet again on my lunch break but I actually saw your ask this morning and i read the whole thing and i just can't wait any longer, but it's gonna be shorter than i would have liked lmao asdk;fj but first off, thank you thank you thank you so much for being just such a kind and loving soul??? like what the fuck??? you have so much love and joy and passion in almost every single thing you say and it literally makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside like you're bewitching me???? i'm so glad that you did get back into writing because honestly this hellsite is brighter for it

and AHH thank you i wanted to try and write ghost and reader/spook as more than just like... ya know? especially simon, i did not want to just water him down to his trauma and him being big mean military man (which isn't even how he is in the games but whatever). i'm so glad that this stupid game (and extremely hot men) brought us together a;lkdsjf

but i'm so glad that i could help you with getting back into writing! i also took a break for YEARS. i used to write all the time as a kid and just got back into it a few months ago as well (also a new account lmfao). i'm also totally here if you ever want to talk more! my dms are always open, and i love just chatting about random ass shit a;lkdsjf and I never try and shut anyone down who's passionate about something ): like being mysterious and cool is neat and all, but i wanna spread more warmth than that ))))):

but once again AHHH i hope you have a lovely day our sweet book anon :P i can't express enough how much fun I've had over this last little bit with your asks and whatnot <3 you seem like a genuinely passionate and fun person and i just as;ldkfjdsf

[howdoyousleep3]

hi K! this is a little different but can i ask your advice? feel free to ignore but im kinda lonely right now and it feels like everyone i know is in relationships.. im 20 and i know thats young and i have a lot of time but sometimes i wonder if its cuz im not attracted to the people around me or if im not attracted to anyone at all... i dream about a lovely relationship but idk how to get there and if its even right? sorry for the dump D: have an amazing start to your november! i hope fall is treating you well

Hi lovebug! As I read this Ask I felt like I was reading about myself when I was 20, heh. I feel like 20 is notoriously a weird time where you are really learning about yourself still and questioning a lot. I know it's where a lot of my identity was formed, where a lot of big life things were happening. I'm so terribly sorry you are feeling lonely and questioning so many things. 🥺

I think the pieces of advice that come quickly to my head are be patient and take this opportunity to learn about yourself, witness yourself grow. I know both things are much easier said than done, and ones that are roller coasters of processes.

Patience is so important when learning about yourself. Show yourself grace as you seek out more experiences to try and find out who you are. Sexually, it took me well into my 20s to finally have the realization that I identify as Pansexual. Maybe there are more things to learn and more experiences to have before you have a grasp on how you identify. And that's where that patience and grace thing comes in because that can be a challenging time, learning about yourself.

The point in my life that changed everything for me was when I realized this was a time where I could be as carefree as possible, where I could really live my life. I was in college, away from home, had just broken up with my high school boyfriend of four years; it was a time to seek out new experiences.

And like...four months into this new and carefree part of my life where I was learning about myself is when Husband came into my life.

There's something so special about this time in your life even as it seems confusing and fueled with emotion. I'm quite fond of it actually, but maybe that's because I'm looking back on it now that my life has changed so much since then.

I really encourage you to take this time for you, cupcake. Dating apps were really fun for me at this time, maybe they would be for you. Doing things you want to do and not waiting around for others is something I encourage. Take yourself on dates, write in your journal, go to the park, work small jobs, say yes to things that make you a teensy scared.

Fall in love with yourself as you work through what love looks like for you. 💕

[ccfever]

Can I get some advice\opinion on something that happened to me today?

So like I’m a virgin right, and I hadn’t ever done anything past kissing. Well today I let… a man eat me out and like finger me. I’ve had gfs in the past and like I find myself like attracted to women sometimes but I ultimately just think I’m straight. Well it’s like today I didn’t cum, I didn’t even feel turned on, it didn’t really feel good, and like I don’t know if that’s normal. Like I am a really horny person and he was a really attractive guy who I thought I was gonna enjoy it with. But like I literally faked an orgasm. I literally have felt regret every hour since and now wanna be celibate.. idk if it was bc he was a man or if something is wrong w me

What do you think? Feel free to speak freely

if you’re really attracted to guys you have had one (1) sample size of sex with them... what if he’s just really bad at it lol..... idk honestly. i’m not gonna immediately say you’re gay just because you faked an orgasm, maybe try it out more idk? with more people? (😭) but there’s always the possibility that you’re just not sexually attracted to guys. but again one experience makes it hard to tell

godspeed anon

[dhdhhehdndbdbd]

oh no just got that sudden realization that everything that i have right now in this moment is temporary, the cat begging for food and always meowing, my mom working from home with her workaholic boss, me always wanting to get out of miami, my local friends who i grew up with (and it seems our dreams are always a struggle to reach rather than a work in progress). the bland water coffee with sugary creamer and the disgustingly hot hudmity outside. im nostalgic for a time that im living right now.

i think nostalgia will actually kill me. it is such a poison.

im graduating next year. sure, its a year, but thats only honestly not far off. im thinking of going to lowell, at least for a little bit. wouldn't that be fun?

oh wait, the majority of the time ive spent with my family is nearly over, once i leave, i will be gone. i will see them rarely. thats what i wanted, isnt it? i know i bitch about that fact that i havent left my parents house and im already 20, but you know you're not gonna get this time back, right?

19 was nearly yesterday. a hell of a year. today im 20 and tomorrow ill be 21, then 23, then 27, then 30. and this is how im spending my life? it feels like a waste sometimes. im not doing enough/what i want to do. i think im honestly just really lonely. i havent had a strong connection with anyone, for a while. im already getting over the last one. "already", okay, its been a year and a half. but whatever. if i wanted to k*ll myself for the time it takes me to truly get over anything then i would've done it already.

hunter texted me again. i feel bad, he's probably lonely, probably misses me, and probably thinks we have a chance again. and thats my fault, you made it seem like he did. you need to stop pulling this boy around. you'll find another one - leave him alone, let him be. even if he's lonely. its better to be lonely than confused.

as i look objectively of who would be good and who wouldn't, yeah, the options are sparse. enough of the attention, thinking about actual connection. and even the idea of being in a relationship to me right now just kinda of... bleh. i saw the way sofi & jacob were, and im glad they're happy, but i dunno... i just feel like being in that kind of relationship, i wouldn't be happy. but also yeah, im not in that relationship, idk if i'd be with someone like jacob or sofi. he just kind of reminds me of how boys are, as nice as he is, and im just, bleeeeeghhhhh. maybe im just not happy with men? maybe its women/andro people i should go for? i always felt more intune with them/i seem to attract women. okay, you're a fucking lesbian, what else is new. nah, if i actually got along with a guy, yeah absolutely we could date. except, oh wait that already happened, and you rejected him bc of his looks. well, other things too. thats alright. i dont think that's a relationship that would've lasted, much at all. real love prevails. itll happen if its meant to. i know that now.

does it always have to be a partner to fill that void? wouldn't it just be nice to have friends who understand you, and then maybe something after that? well, thats the dream. now im just left picking up crumbs and hoping for something.

what a strange time

[nathank77]

5/2/24

4:12 a.m

My heart has been fluttering. I'm not going to the ER it's fucking 4 a.m. this happens way too regularly... I mean probably once a day. Regardless of if I drink red bull or get stressed.

Can you have panic attacks without having anxiety? Idk I don't get it. Maybe it's more than that.

I'm not happy, I mean the HDCP thing threw me through a loop and then I decided it wasn't worth it to game for the rest of the night bc I'd get too immersed in Bully. Instead I decided to shower tonight which I wasn't going to do bc I was going to play video games all day.

Now I might set up my sleeping pill so I can enjoy tomorrow with some red bull and Bully. I mean after the post office and Therapy with Erin if she doesn't cancel.

I can't wait to get the heart monitor. The palpitations came after and are still happening currently. I just showered like 20 minutes ago. I didn't even worry about it and then it started happening. So idk anymore.

I'm not happy ingeneral. I'm lonely. I'm miserable bc I have no one to talk to. I can't find anyone who finds me attractive. I mean it's frustrating cause like people say, "people notice when you hate yourself or when you have low confidence and it's basically a repellant to people."

I hate that saying, "if you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone to love you." Katie couldn't love me bc of my self hatred at the time which is fucked.... I want to be loved even if I hate myself.

Well I love my appearance. I love my will to fight and what a good person I am. I'm funny, I'm strong, I'm genuine, and I'm selfless.....I also think I'm fucking hot. So confidence is a check, self love is a check. I dont get it. I feel so alone and idk why people don't want to get to know me. I wish i didnt have 500 doctors appts/aka so many problems so I could do community service or a meet up. It's hard making time for gaming sometimes cause I focus so hard on getting stuff done with my fucked circadian rhythm.

My heart is still fluttering. 4:17 a.m.

Something I loved about Elise is if she really dedicated that song I won't listen to Know That You Are Loved by Cleo Sol. She loved me when I hated myself. I always wanted that kind of love cause it's real. Loving yourself doesn't need to be something involved as long as you fight for yourself. Cause I get how someone not doing what they need to do to take care of themselves is hard to get behind although I think that's true love when you love someone who is truly broken. At their worst.

Thats how I wanted to be loved.

Either way I love myself now, I just hate my broken my brain so where are the ladies cause I mean, I'm smart, I'm attractive and I'm a fighter and I'm amazing with kids. I might as well be a pollen and the kids are bees. They fucking love me.

4:22 a.m and it's still happening but whatever.

[22degreehalo]

Sooo once again recently I have been browsing various queer-centric merchandise on etsy and the like, and (as always) been disappointed at the quantity/quality of aspec-focused stuff. Which also ties in to an overall (IMO) egregious lack of aspec... memey stuff?? and general place in, like, actual community everyday conversation, outside of painfully repetitive and boring identity glossaries.

And. It's difficult. It really feels so difficult, sometimes. To talk about being aspec without

a) being sex-negative in really gross, harmful ways (that just as often harm other aspecs btw)

b) being like... super self-deprecating in a way that I feel also harms aspecs and reinforces the idea of us as losers and failures in a kind of 'are they laughing at us or with us' kind of way.

One way is to lean into the silly quirky 'food is better than sex' kind of thing, and also puns. The puns I like but a really shitty and awful part of myself deep down sometimes finds the food stuff actually kind of. cringey...? Which is stupid and I hate it but once again I feel myself being made fun of by allos and also it's just. kind of shallow and a one-note joke that has been overdone at this point (due to lack of other options) for me personally

The other big way I've seen is to lean into the whole confident rejection schtick. Big 'Nope' word art and the like. And that's fine but it often feels a bit too... misanthropic? for me. I like people!!!!! Or it's very female-focused and feeds too much into that whole ideals of 'women who let men touch them are Tainted' and/or 'women deserve better than men' which I. hate.

so I've been wondering a lot if what I'm wanting - memey/funny aspec-focused stuff that actually feels authentic and at least some tiny amount of original - is even possible?

So far my ideas are. a) make it casual/nonclinical by going so fucking dorky that it wraps around in the other direction. like idk a shirt that says 'Asexuality: the lack of sexual attraction to people of all genders. Hope that helps guys!!! Subscribe for more cool asexuality facts :)' I think if I saw that shirt I'd slightly suspect I was being made fun of but would vibe so hard I'd still like it unironically lmfao

Softening the rejection stuff also could be fun. Like 'I love every person in the world!! (as a friend <3)' or something. more eloquent lol

And just, in general non-sequiturs. It bugs me so inordinately when I see those kinds of posts or whatever that are like 'I'm tired, I'm gay, and I don't pay taxes' (theoretical example) and like, you could just as well have put 'ace' or 'aro' in there!!!!!! But nobody ever things to do that with us :( as always my plan is to make really cool things but only for ace and aro so we can get to be the ones with things for once hahaha but unfortunately I do not know how to make cool things. Anyway the whole idea here is to write things that make people on reddit go 'uhh, why did you feel the need to mention that you don't date, here...?'

And to cap this off I guess I should affirm that yeah, the self-deprecatory stuff CAN be done well... with a very very VERY precise hand. By which I mean that I was permanently psychologically online-ified by ace discourse and have the sensitivity of an earthquake detector to non-obvious slights against aspecs' importance or worth as human beings. But self-deprecating humour is just kind of our generation's style, so. There's some level of 'yeah I like anime and don't date B)' that is JUST the right balance of 'this is not at all what society says you should be proud of' and 'but fuck it society sucks lmfao I love freaks'.

IN CONCLUSION more aspecs should have my exact same sense of humour but actually good at art. or writing text posts. Or literally anything other than complaining on unpopular tumblrs. no actually we need them too so I can follow you and feel faintly not alone occasionally when our opinions happen to line up. Your honour I rest my case.

[bisluthq]

I’m happy for Taylor and if she sees herself marrying Travis then I hope it happens. But I cannot get into Travis.

I have never found Joe attractive, at all, but I like a lot of British actors so I, at least, found him sort of interesting. I wouldn’t consider myself a fan and I never got why people liked him so much, but I didn’t have strong opinions for or against Joe.

With Travis though, everything about him gives me the ick. I know people have tried to say he’s toxic or whatever based on some stuff he’s done during games, and that’s not what I am trying to do here. But I do find him throwing his helmet (I think he did that once?) because something didn’t go his way extremely unattractive. Same with the way he treated the coach at the Super Bowl, but also the way he was screaming when they celebrated. There’s something about a manly man playing sports and getting so worked up over it that gives me the ick

So I’m happy for Taylor and I hope this works out for her but my god am I tired of seeing Travis on every social media I have.

I’m not someone who’s into sports but I don’t actively hate any sports other than actual, real, true football. So imagine how I feel about American Football…

Yeah lol look I get it. I wouldn’t date Travis either. But the good thing is no one is asking us to lmfao and I do think he’s a good guy overall (temper tantrums on the field aside but like they’re high on adrenalin when that shit’s going down so idk I’d not extrapolate what he’s like as a person from how aggressive he is on the field).