#idk whether i enjoy writing anymore

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

[lunataurora]

kinda funny seeing that last queued tf post with me gushing in the tags abt the comic bc i havent felt joy or even an emotional connection reading mtmte for a while

[ggukiepie]

one of your girls (jungkook x reader) (part 1)

we don't gotta be in love, no i don't wanna be the one, no i just wanna be one of your girls tonight ~ i wanna take your light inside dim me down, snuff me out ~ give me tough love leave me with nothin' when i come down

pairing: fwb!jk x oc, brief jimin x oc

tags: smut, angst, a little bit of fluff (like teeny tiny)

warnings: two smut scenes, kissing, marking (hickeys), fingering, brief handjob, protected sex, slight dom!jk, sub!oc, praise, dirty talk, grinding, edging, oral (f. & m. receiving), throat fucking, dacryphilia, spit kink, brief masturbation (m.), squirting, brief anal play, back shots, cum shot, multiple orgasms (you'll see), aftercare

word count: 5.8k

a/n: been in my feels lately i had to write it out lol; wrote this in one sitting my hands actually hurt omg; inspired by the song "one of your girls" (ik don't roast me idk why it's stuck in my head fml); if this gets taken down then bye bye i literally just wrote it here directly lmaooooo; anw enjoy !!!! part 2 / drabble i (flashback)

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

You knew what you were getting yourself into the night you said yes to Jungkook. You knew you'd fall for him, be under his spell. You knew you'd end up getting hurt. You prepared yourself, you really did, yet you were still surprised when you woke up each morning and he wasn't beside you in bed. You felt your heart break a little bit more when you saw him with another girl, whether she'd be one of your friends or a complete stranger to you.

You tried to guard your heart. Reminded yourself to prepare for the worst. Forced yourself not to fall, not to be blindsided. I'm just having a little fun, you told yourself for the nth time.

jk: u busy tonight?

you: not really! just writing a paper that's due next week

That was sent hours ago and you mentally cringe at your reply. You always find yourself oversharing to Jungkook when you didn't even need to. You wanted to make it seem like your whole situationship was just casual. Like you didn't care. He rarely shared much about his personal life and so should you. But that hardly happened. You didn't want him to think that you cared, that you were clingy or waiting for him to text. You didn't even wait five minutes before replying and he hasn't even texted back.

You know what his text means. He wants to fuck and that's it. But he doesn't say it outright. No, never. He wants to make it seem like he cares, that he wants to know how your night is going. But he just wants to know if you're free to fuck and once you reply, he'll keep that as a reminder in the back of his mind, like he has a mental list of girls he can sort through at the end of the night when he's bored or when he wants to have a little bit of fun.

You know you're just one of his girls on his roster and you're fine with that. You're not his girlfriend and he's not your boyfriend. Though it does seem like that on some days, which is when you get the courage to not reply to his texts. When you try to shut him out and move on. He usually shows up outside your lecture hall with a cup of coffee in hand, bunny smile on his face as he waits for you to walk into the hallway. Like he's waiting for you, picking you up from class like a good and loving boyfriend.

It's all for show and it's only to get himself on your good side again. It works every time. You don't question yourself anymore. Jungkook likes the chase, likes the adrenaline of going after girls and trying to get them to fall for him, or sleep with him, or whatever. It's all the same to him.

You sigh again as you check your phone, hoping for a reply but knowing he won't text back. It's a Friday night and he's probably at some party. You go through your texts and open the conversation with your best friend.

jihyo: see u later! im picking u up so u better be ready >:(

You can't help but laugh at her insistence. Jihyo knows what you're going through since you tell her everything. You tell her you don't care though, that you're not looking for a relationship right now and your "thing" with Jungkook is just casual. But you know she sees right through your lies. It's even more obvious when you ghost all your friends and lock yourself in your apartment every night. She's trying to make you forget and move on and have some actual fun so you indulge her every time.

You get ready in less than an hour and actually put some effort into your appearance. You're not sure which party you're going to but you won't be surprised if Jungkook will be there as well. Maybe if you look hot enough he'll choose you tonight.

You hear a knock on your door and open it immediately, finding Jihyo laughing at something her boyfriend has just said. Most of the time you end up hanging out with her and Mingyu because she's always dragging you with her to keep you from being lonely. You don't mind it though because they're fun people to be with. Even though Mingyu is Jungkook's roommate and best friend. But Mingyu isn't anything like Jungkook. He looks at Jihyo like she's hung up the stars and moon. Loves her with all his heart and doesn't leave her second guessing. You always wonder why him and Jungkook are friends when they're so different.

Jihyo turns to smile at you, but it's still the lovestruck smile she gave Mingyu just seconds ago. You know you have the same kind of smile reserved for Jungkook. You wish you didn't but at the same time you're glad you do, like you have a part of yourself only Jungkook can see. Even though he doesn't do the same.

"You look so hot tonight!" she squeals as she pulls you in a hug. You laugh and roll your eyes, making eye contact with Mingyu as he nods his head in greeting. Jihyo steps back and grabs your hand, dragging you out your apartment so fast you barely have time to lock the door behind you. "Let's go before all the good drinks are gone."

It's a short but fun walk to the house where the party is being held. You find yourself laughing with Jihyo and Mingyu the whole time. They're the type of couple that doesn't make third wheeling a bore.

Loud music blares in your ears the moment you step inside. You feel your heels sticking to the floor. A typical frat house throwing a typical Friday night party. You immediately take shots with Jihyo and Mingyu. You need it to be able to survive the night since you already feel yourself tensing up at the possibility of Jungkook being in the same place as you.

You spot your other friends and hangout with them for the rest of the night. It's when you're playing beer pong with Jimin as your partner do you see Jungkook at the other side of the room. He's talking to some girl which is nothing new. It shouldn't phase you but it does. You thought you were going to be his pick for the night since he texted you a while ago.

You feel your heart fall at the sight of them, your chest physically hurting that you make Jimin throw the ball twice for the both of you since you can't focus. You feel all the fun and happiness slowly leave your body. You feel your stomach churn at the way he's got her trapped against the wall, tattooed arm placed beside her head, mouth whispering right against her ear. She's smiling and giggling at whatever Jungkook is telling her. You wish that were you.

"Forget about him," Jimin mutters in your ear. He's watching your beer pong opponents take their turn as you're watching Jungkook and the girl.

You shake your head at Jimin, turning your head to smile at him just to make it seem like you're okay. Just like Jihyo, he sees right through you.

Jimin's another close friend of Jungkook. They're not so different. Jimin likes to sleep around but he makes it clear that he doesn't want anything serious. Always nice and gentle with the girls he sleeps with. Jungkook makes it seem like you're his and only his. You wonder again why they're friends.

"Seriously, Y/N," Jimin says, a little bit of urgency in his tone. It's probably the look of longing on your face that raises concern in your friend. Everyone sees how broken you look when you catch Jungkook with another girl.

"I know," you say after a while. You talk just a little bit loud enough to be heard over the music. "Jungkook and I just sleep with each other. It's casual and that's it."

You hear Jimin sigh. He nods his head and it's his turn to throw the dirty ping pong ball. You've had this conversation with him and Jihyo numerous times already, sometimes it's the both of them and sometimes it's on separate occasions. You say the same thing every time. You think your friends are starting to give up on you. Maybe you should as well.

You force yourself to have fun for the rest of the night, always trying to be in a room where Jungkook isn't. You're not sure if he's spotted you. You don't know which hurts more—him not spotting you because he doesn't even bother looking for you in the crowd, or him spotting you but not talking to you because you're not his choice for the night. Either way, he doesn't care. You know he doesn't but you wish you did. You thought you'd catch his attention with the black dress you're wearing. Or with the way your hair is styled. But it doesn't work and you tell yourself that it's okay. You always see him in your peripheral though, either talking to someone or flirting with that girl.

You decide to leave when you see Jungkook leaving as well, fingers tangled with the girl's. She looks like a giggling mess and you can't blame her. Everyone falls for Jungkook's charms. You try not to dwell on the fact that they're going to have sex.

It's Jimin who walks you home. He can tell you're sad so he talks about his day and his classes, avoiding Jungkook's name even though you're positive that they hung out today. Jungkook's intertwined in so many people's lives it's hard to leave him out. But Jimin makes an effort just to distract you. You're grateful for it though and he keeps up the act all the way to your apartment. He asks if he can use your bathroom and you say yes, mindlessly changing into your pajamas once the bathroom door closes behind you. You thought you'd have a little bit more time to finish changing but you suddenly hear Jimin swear behind you. You live in a little studio apartment so there's not much room to hide.

"Oh fuck— Shit," he says. You turn around laughing to see him with his hand over his eyes. "Sorry," he mumbles.

You're in your underwear but you don't mind. "It's not like you haven't seen me like this before," you chuckle.

"Still," he reasons.

Because you're stupid and heartbroken and hurt, you walk up to Jimin and gently grab his wrist, bringing his arm down to his side. You look at him looking at anywhere else but you. Eventually he looks down at your body for a split second and you laugh at him.

"We shouldn't," he whispers.

You shrug your shoulders. "Just a little bit of fun, right?" you ask with a smile on your face. "Like old times?" you giggle.

Jimin lets out a scoff but it's more of a laugh. Like he can't believe you're both doing this again. "You sure you're not drunk?" he asks as he makes eye contact with you. Bingo. You got him.

"Nope," you say sweetly.

"But Jungkook?"

You roll your eyes to mask the hurt. "Don't care."

Jimin looks at you intently to make sure you're not bluffing. While you wait for his answer you unclasp your bra and let it fall down your shoulders, exposing yourself to him. His eyes widen at the sight.

"Okay," he breathes out. He suddenly holds you by the waist to place you on the kitchen counter. It has you giggling at him.

"Eager?" you ask when he starts kissing your neck. You feel him drag his teeth across your skin, like he's thinking if he should mark you up or not. You stretch your neck out even more and feel him biting at your skin, sure to leave a bruise.

"Just excited," he mumbles against your neck. You feel him smile.

You unzip his pants while he's busy sucking your nipples. He's hard already when you start pumping your hand up and down his cock.

"Feels good, baby," he moans in your ear. You're still wearing your underwear but Jimin doesn't mind, just pushes it to the side to insert two of his fingers inside your pussy.

"Oh," you choke out. He finds your spot right away and rubs his fingers against it. He doesn't make you come, just fingers you to make sure you're prepped. It's quick when he takes his fingers out and grabs the condom in the back pocket of his jeans. You watch him tear the packet open and roll the condom down his length.

You both don't say anything else as he pushes his cock past your tight walls. Doesn't give you a moment before he starts pounding, his skin slapping against yours.

It's always like this with Jimin—just quick and easy and no feelings attached. You both don't do it much, it happens at the most random times. Usually when you want to forget or when he's stressed from school. And after this you're both back to being friends. It's never awkward. You wish it were like this with Jungkook instead.

"Jimin," you moan when he starts rubbing your clit. "Gonna come."

"Go ahead, baby," he breathes out, placing a soft kiss on your cheek and leaving his lips there. You push yourself to release and Jimin follows right after. You're both breathing heavily when he pulls out, taking off the condom and throwing it in the bin. He zips up his pants and starts looking for something on your bed. You're still trying to catch your breath when you feel a shirt being put over your head. Jimin's sweet like this—does aftercare in the most platonic way possible.

"There," he says after helping you wear the shirt he found. He doesn't know it belongs to Jungkook. You don't think he minds if he does though.

"Thank you," you say quietly and give him a small smile.

"Anytime. I'll see you around, okay?" He kisses your forehead and you watch him leave your apartment.

The silence engulfs you and you think you should feel disgusted with yourself—that you're pining over a guy but you just had sex with another. With his close friend out of all people. But you push the thought to the back of your mind as you jump down from the kitchen counter and walk into your bathroom. You're just like Jungkook, you tell yourself. Just casually sleeping around and nothing else. He doesn't care and you don't either. You feel a teeny bit better.

You take a warm shower to wash all the remnants from tonight. You actually take your time just to clear your jumbled up mind. It's almost 30 minutes later when you step out and check your phone while you're drying off, heartbeat stopping at a text you've received almost an hour ago.

jk: u up?

jk: hey reply to me :(

jk: coming over

Your eyes widen at the last text. It was sent just 10 minutes ago. You don't know where he's coming from but the campus isn't that big so he'll probably be here soon. You quickly finish drying off and change into comfortable clothes. You hear a knock on the door the moment you finish changing. You take a deep breath before walking to the door and opening it.

You notice Jungkook's wearing the same clothes from the party but his shirt is a bit wrinkled. You think he just came from the girl's place. Probably fucked her and is here now because he's not satisfied. You should feel disgusted and mad but you're not. You're no better. You just slept with his friend.

"Hi," you mutter.

He smiles at you and leans in to kiss you on the lips. "Hey, sweetheart." It has you swooning.

You step to the side to let him in and he walks straight to your bed, sitting down to take off his shoes before lying down comfortably. You follow him and sit down on your bed right by his waist. He stretches out his arm to drape it over your thighs and you start tracing his tattoos absentmindedly. This is your usual routine.

"Did you stay in all night?" he asks. Just a little bit of conversation before he does what he's really here for. At least he has a little bit of decency. You don't mind though, it makes you think that he cares about you when he asks things like this.

You shake your head and smile at him. "Nah, Jihyo and Mingyu dragged me to that frat party." You can tell he's trying to hide his surprise.

"Oh, I didn't see you there," he mumbles.

"It's okay." You shrug. "There were a lot of people."

"We could've played beer pong together, I know you like doing that every time you're out."

Your heart clenches at his remark. You're surprised and hurt every time he remembers little things about you. "I was with Jimin, don't worry." Jungkook doesn't know the double meaning to it.

He nods and runs his fingers across your thighs. "Missed you. Sorry I didn't reply to your text earlier, got caught up in something." You know that's a lie. "Just got back from the party too, that's why I came here late." Another lie.

You nod and smile as if you believe him. And you force yourself to because it's easier than knowing the truth. It's silent for a moment before he mumbles c'mere and brings you on top of his lap.

"Missed this," he says quietly as he squeezes your thighs. His hands trail up your waist till he's squeezing your tits beneath the shirt you're wearing. You start grinding on his cock, getting out of breath too quickly. You missed this too. It's been a week since you last had sex with Jungkook which is a long time for the both of you.

"Kook," you pant. He's pinching your nipples knowing that's where you're most sensitive.

"I know, sweetheart. Take your shirt off for me, hm?"

You nod your head dumbly and do as you're told, watching Jungkook stare at your body. He stops moving beneath you and you're about to ask what's wrong when he brings his hand up to touch the hickey on your neck that Jimin left.

"Who's this from?" he asks. You can't tell if he's mad or just curious. Jungkook isn't showing any emotions on his face and you're starting to get nervous.

"Just..." You think if you should tell him the truth. You look into his eyes and try to see if there's any semblance of care. You don't know. You really can't tell. Then your eyes trails down his body, to his neck and the wrinkly white shirt he's wearing. There's a red stain on the collar and you know it's lipstick. From the girl he slept with earlier. "Someone," you finally mumble.

"Someone?" He continues rubbing the spot gently until he presses down on it with his thumb. He doesn't press down too hard, but it's with enough force to have you hissing slightly.

"It's from Jimin," you finally say. He doesn't say anything but raise an eyebrow at your reply. You don't know if he already knows that you and Jimin have slept together. He doesn't look so surprised, or maybe he is and he's just really good at schooling his expressions.

He makes eye contact with you again and you feel his hand going to the back of your head, grabbing a handful of your hair to press your lips against his. The kiss feels urgent and rushed, his tongue instantly slipping in your mouth and tangling with yours. You're on top of him yet you feel defenseless as he holds you by your hair and kisses you hard. You let Jungkook do as he pleases and forget about the little conversation you just had. You start grinding on his cock again and he reciprocates this time, hips moving against yours.

Before you know it, he rolls you over and pins your arms above your head. You stare at him with wide eyes and he smirks at you in return. He holds your wrists with one hand and takes off your shorts and underwear with the other. He's fully dressed while you're not and you know you're at his mercy. He knows this too as he spreads your thighs apart with his hand.

"Keep your hands there," he whispers. You hold your bed frame for good measure. You just want to please him. He trails kisses down your body, from your neck to your nipples to your tummy. He stops by your thighs and you feel his breath against your skin. You squirm beneath Jungkook to get him to do something, to touch you and pleasure you. He shakes his head, still with that damn smirk on his face. He starts kissing your thighs, close to your pussy just to tease you.

"Didn't know you and Jimin have a thing going on," he says against your skin. You shiver at the vibrations his voice provides.

You feel Jungkook bite down on your inner thighs. "We don't," you choke out. He scoffs and starts kissing your pussy. Just light kisses that start making you crazy because you just want his mouth on you. "We're just friends," you say weakly.

He looks up from where he's laying between your legs. "Like us?"

Us.

You know what he means but at the same time you don't. You're friends with Jimin like you're friends with Jungkook. But you don't long for Jimin like you do for Jungkook. You don't yearn for Jimin the same way, don't look for him in every place you're at, don't pine for his affection or his touches. Jimin isn't like Jungkook and you both know that. You just don't know if you're different from the other girls Jungkook fucks.

"No," you say truthfully. It's said with defeat and desperation because you know he's not going to touch you till you answer him. "Not like us."

You know Jungkook won't pry anymore because he finally starts licking your pussy, starting with your outer lips until his tongue is inside your hole licking every crevice. Then he starts sucking your clit and that's when you truly lose it, legs going around his head to keep him against your cunt.

"Fuck," you almost scream. You're so close already that you should feel embarrassed but you're not. Jungkook knows your body too well. No one holds a candle to how good he eats you out. "Please," you whimper.

"Please what, sweetheart?"

"Please make me come!" you beg. "Need it, need it so much." You starting grinding your hips against his mouth.

"You're so desperate," he chuckles. It's said meanly but the comment flies over your head. You don't care anymore; you just want some sort of release. "But not yet."

You suddenly feel cold because Jungkook removes his mouth from you, standing up and getting out of the bed to remove his clothing. You continue holding the bed frame above you because you want to be good for him. You watch him strip his clothes off till he's naked just like you, tattooed hand wrapping around his cock.

It's long and thick and it splits you open every time he fucks you. You really don't know how you manage to take him every time.

Jungkook is so mean and unfair with the way he's teasing you right now, pleasuring himself while you lay on the bed. You're about to open your mouth to complain when he finally nods his head, motioning you to get up. "Kneel. Hands behind your back, okay?"

You nod your head and get in position on the bed, head tilting up to look at his cock. It's so hard and the tip is already leaking. You just want your mouth around him.

"Open," he says.

You open your mouth and stick your tongue out, just the way Jungkook likes. As expected, he spits directly into your mouth and you swallow right away.

"Good girl. Now suck."

He brings his cock to your lips and you immediately start sucking. You push your length all the way in till you feel him at the back of your throat.

"Gotta take all of me in, pretty. Or else I won't fuck your little pussy."

You know Jungkook takes his threats seriously so you back up a little to catch your breath before taking him in your mouth again. God, he's so big and thick your jaw is already starting to feel sore. But you power through and keep taking him in your mouth until your nose touches his tummy. You try not to gag around him but it's no use. You also feels your eyes tearing up.

Jungkook doesn't care you're struggling. In fact, he loves it because he's got that stupidly handsome smile on his face. He strokes your cheeks for a while and you try to even out your breathing.

"I wanna fuck your throat, sweetheart. Can you take it?" he asks sweetly.

You know it's a rhetorical question but you nod anyways, as much as you could with a dick down your throat.

"Let me in then."

You close your eyes and relax your throat even more. Jungkook holds your head then and pushes you towards him even deeper. You're helpless since your hands are behind your back. You gag again and start feeling lightheaded.

"There we go," he finally says once his whole length is in your mouth. You feel the tip down your throat. You're struggling so much but you try not to move. You just want to please him. "Gonna move now," he mumbles and starts moving his hips. You let him fuck your throat for God knows how long. You're full on crying when he stops and withdraws his length halfway out your mouth. You take the time to gasp for air and you even cough a little, head bowing down to regain your breathing. You faintly hear Jungkook laugh above you.

"I'm not yet done, love. Was just feeling nice enough to give you a little breather."

You nod your head and look up at him, mouth opening wide to let him know you're ready again.

"You just let me do whatever I want, huh?" he chuckles. You're not sure if he means something else but to you it does. You willingly let Jungkook do anything to you. Even if it results in heartbreak.

He stares at you for a while and spreads the spit and precum that's on your lips. "So messy." Then he's back to inserting his length inside your mouth. The glide is smoother this time since you're already prepped. "There we go," he groans out. He stays still and feels the imprint of his dick on your throat. "Look so pretty for me."

Jungkook starts moving again but thankfully his pace is slow this time. You're sure you'll have a sore throat by tomorrow.

"Keep your eyes open, okay? Wanna see you cry."

You look at him while he's fucking your mouth, looking at the way his cock moves in your throat. You're starting to lose your breath and you think Jungkook could tell as well because he grants you reprieve and steps back. You're coughing more this time, hands catching yourself in front of you. You barely get enough time to regain your breathing before you feel Jungkook grabbing your head and bringing your lips to his.

"Did so good for me," he says against your mouth.

You're trembling in his hold and you grab his arms to steady yourself. "Fuck me please," you try to say but your voice comes out hoarse and ragged.

He kisses your cheek and then your jaw. "I will, don't worry," he coos. "Always gonna give you what you want." Another lie. You know that's not true.

You're putty in his hands as he maneuvers you to the position he wants to fuck you in, which is on your hands and knees with your ass high in the air.

"Just like that," he whispers. He pushes down on your shoulders even more so that you're wide and open for him. He starts rubbing your pussy and you can't help but moan out loud. "You're so wet, sweetheart. All from sucking my cock?"

You nod wordlessly from your position on the bed. "Jungkook!" you scream as he plunges two fingers in your pussy. He's ruthless as he fucks his fingers fast and hard, hitting your g-spot right away. "Please," you cry out. You're so wound up and tense and you just want to come already but he won't let you.

You hear Jungkook chuckle from behind you. "Still so tight, baby. Thought Jimin stretched you out already." You're about to reply but you feel his thumb press against your rim and your senses go haywire, mind going blank because you're so overwhelmed.

"Please, please," you beg quietly. You're crying again and you'd do anything at this point to get Jungkook to fuck you. He withdraws his fingers from your holes and you hear the crinkling of plastic behind you. You turn your head slightly to see him slipping a condom on. Jungkook has never fucked you raw and you never asked why because you already know the answer. You'll get hurt hearing the truth anyway.

He holds your hips to steady you. He rubs the head of his cock up and down your folds. "You want this?" he asks roughly.

"Yes. Please."

Finally, finally, Jungkook pushes his cock in your pussy. It doesn't take long because you're so wet he slides right in to the hilt.

"You feel so good around me." He stills for a moment and you grab your ass to spread your cheeks even more.

"Please move, Kook."

You hear him groan. "God, baby, you're filthy." He starts fucking into you and your mind goes blank. You feel his thick cock slide in and out, the tip already kissing your cervix.

"Feels so good," you mumble incoherently. Jungkook fucks you quick and hard, holding your hips so tightly you know it's going to bruise. You feel his balls slap against your clit which adds even more pleasure. You feel yourself getting close again and arch your back.

"Can I please come?" you ask through your moans. "Please let me come, Jungkook. Please—"

"Come," he finally says. It's the only word you need to hear before you let go, that coil in you snapping and bringing pleasure all over your body. You don't know you're moaning so loudly you're almost screaming. You feel your pussy just gush and it gets so wet and sticky you're surprised Jungkook doesn't slip out. It's so filthy that you hear squelching noises as well. Your orgasm goes on for so long you don't know how you're still holding yourself up.

"You creamed my cock so much, baby," Jungkook says. He slows down his pace but he's still moving so you can ride out your high. "Got me wet and even your sheets."

You barely hear him and there's just a buzzing sound around your head. Your body feels so heavy and you just want to collapse but you arch your back even more for Jungkook.

He laughs. "Think I fucked you stupid." He increases his pace again and you just kneel there and take it. "Gonna make me fucking come," he growls as his hips snap against yours. "Fuck." He fucks you some more and you groan every time he hits your g-spot.

Suddenly, he pulls out so fast. "Don't move," he groans. You stay in place and watch him remove the condom off, hand going to stroke his cock as he brings himself to his release. You feel his come on you, right on your pussy and asshole. "Fuck, baby," he groans. You feel even stickier with his load on you. Then he bends down to kiss your neck, and then your cheek, and then a gentle one on your lips.

"You okay?" he asks quietly. His arm goes to wrap around your waist and you slowly start sinking onto the bed.

"Mhm," you mumble and try to keep your emotions at bay. You always feel so overwhelmed after sex with Jungkook. You let a few tears fall down your cheeks but it's the kind of tears of relief from an intense orgasm.

Jungkook presses his front against your back, not caring that his come is still on you. He starts kissing your face again then rubs his nose up and down your throat. "Just breathe, yeah?" he says quietly. You nod weakly against his hold and do just that. The both of you say nothing as you try to calm your racing heart.

You don't know how many minutes pass by until Jungkook stands up. You don't have the strength in you to move your position on the bed or ask where he's going. A few minutes later you feel a wet rag on your back. You let Jungkook clean you up while the both of you still don't say a thing. Then he's moving you on the bed again so your head is on the pillows and he's right behind you, lying down comfortably to be the big spoon. You feel him kissing your head.

"Sleep," he mumbles against your hair. With Jungkook holding you and with his steady breaths guiding yours, you fall asleep right away.

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

You don't know what time it is when you wake up but there's still sunlight peeking through your curtains so you suppose it's still morning. You turn to face the other side of the bed only to find it empty. You don't know what time Jungkook left, if he stayed the night or left the moment you fell asleep. You're used to it already but it doesn't mean you're not hurt. Your heart constricts at the empty space beside you. You move again to lay on your back and cover your face with yours hands, letting out shaky breaths while trying not to breakdown. God, maybe Jimin was right. Just forget about him.

But it's hard not to. It's hard to forget about him when you have sex constantly, when his touches are gentle but also rough. When he wants you to reply to his messages and when he wants you against his body. It's hard because he's friends with your friends. It's hard when he takes care of you after every intense orgasm. It's hard when he makes it seem like he wants you just as much as you want him.

[sehodreams]

come inside of my heart

TW and Tags: all consensual, smut, fluff (corny moments, sorry), porn with plot(?), making out sessions, weird characters(?), fingering, Seunghan overthinking, mutual pining(?), corruption kink(?), p in v, oral sex (both receiving), dom!Seunghan, friends with benefits(?)(more like classmates with benefits).

WC: 14k (I’M.SO.SORRY)

Summary: Seunghan has a problem with letting people stay close to him for long, so when he meets you, he expects his interest to fade like it usually does, but this time things seem to be different.

Comment: Again, another weird story that didn’t end or go like I expected, my head it’s kind of weird while writing idk, I wanted it to be a story of Seunghan plainly fucking reader so much she couldn’t think anymore, but it still has porn. Also, I think this should be under a fantasy category because it’s so idealistic hahahaha.

Yeah, I should stop writing on my laptop because these stories have gone from 4k to 10k+ and my mind can’t take it, and I'm sorry, but after this, I'm taking at least a two-day break, I wasn't going to let it win but it did suck my whole soul, so Seunghan better comes back soon, let's think this is an early celebration.

Pd: I did a bit of proofreading but not much, only at the end because I realized that I always write everything in past, and suddenly it was all in present and it was so weird.

Seunghan, unlike what many think, gets easily bored of people.

He doesn't know if it has something to do with his mbti or whatever people talked about those days, but what he knows is that, since he was young, he’s liked to know people, but he also got quickly tired of them.

For him, it was easy to start the communication, and with that he doesn’t mean being the first one saying hello or introducing himself, he hated being the one making the first step, but he liked to be the first one doing the real questions. Seunghan would prefer to say he was naturally curious, but he wasn’t, he wanted to know what people’s hobbies and thoughts were with the purpose of learning how to behave and what to say to them, because more than curious, he liked to be liked.

There wasn’t anything he disliked more than useless problems and uncomfortable moments with people he didn’t care enough about, so for his own peace, and to maintain the harmony around him, he preferred to just please others.

He knew he had a talent not many had, making people comfortable came to him almost like breathing, and, therefore, many wanted to stay around him, but not many got the privilege of staying for long.

It was hard to keep him entertained, so it was common to see different people flying around him, whether he was the one talking or listening, it didn’t matter, people felt attracted to his presence, and he enjoyed the attention even when he didn’t say anything at all, so he let them approach him, but if they didn’t have anything else to offer than their company, he’d go and find another person that picked his interest until he got bored and repeated the cycle again. Still, even knowing they wouldn’t last long, everyone wanted to stay by his side, and they would work hard for it, but if Seunghan didn’t want them in his space, he’d softly push them away by filling their roles with other characters, and not finding their place beside him anymore, they’d slowly leave him without making a scene.

To your luck, or disgrace, you somehow had caught his interest this time.

As expected, after you caught his attention, he decided to dig as much as he could about you, however, what was unexpected, was the kind of person you were and how you caught his attention.

He had a type for everything, at his age he knew enough about what he usually liked. He liked smart opinionated people who always had something to say, he liked how being seen with them always elevated his status and profile in everyone else’s eyes, so they were most of the people that always flocked with him, and of course, that included pretty girls with energetic voices. The way they would follow the conversation with witty remarks and would understand his humour left a lingering feeling of satisfaction he tried to savour as long as he could when he flirted with them, and he couldn't deny it, he was a sucker for pretty faces, he loved the way their smiles would shine and illuminate the room, and how they matched his eagerness for the public attention.

Surprisingly, in the curse of his life, he hasn't had a ton of dates, he’s had his fair share of relationships and an impressive quantity of received confessions, but he carefully chose who to give such opportunity to before he decided to accept the other's feelings. Going out with him had to bring something into his life for him to decide they were good enough to receive his time and effort, and since he knew how easily he could get tired of them, they had to make him think that he would enjoy their presence for at least a decent period of time.

He's never had to chase anyone, he's always been the chased one, or he was until you arrived, and what bothered his mind every time he ran to you was that you weren't his style at all.

You didn’t check any of his boxes.

In first place, you weren't energetic at all. You never matched his conversations with equal happiness, you didn't understand his jokes most of the time and you didn't even try to continue the flow of his conversations. With no remarks and no comments, you'd let the contact die as soon as you could, which always itched something in the back of his head. He can even remember what your first messages looked like. He would send two or three lines of whatever went through his mind, being extremely polite to you as his classmate, wishing to be on your good side, and you would answer with the driest ok he had ever seen in his life.

Hi, just a quick question, what do you think about moving the meetings to my house? I think it'd be better for all of us since none of them would have to pay for coffee and I have everything we might need in my place, it's just something that went through my mind and I wanted to send it to the group chat but I know you live kind of far from here so I wanted to ask you first, so what do you think?

Ok

He still gets annoyed when he remembers your past messages.

In second place, you weren't the bright person he usually liked to hang out with. You would never make anyone turn back to see you twice, sometimes they wouldn't notice you even if you were in front of them, and you'd often get ignored if he didn't repeat your comments while working together, which honestly impressed him since you only talked if you had something useful to say, so he would expect others to stay silent when you showed intentions of entering the conversation, but your voice would simply get lost between everyone spitting random ideas and opinions that were rather pointless. You were still kind enough to answer each of them before everyone followed your ideas, receiving no appreciation back from anyone, and it did bother him to see that happening every meeting, hoping that at some point everyone would learn to shut up and give you your time, but it bothered him even more to see that you didn’t care if they listened to you or not.

At least, after a couple of meetings, it was almost established that his seat would be always next to you because no one, except him, found being near you important.

And last but not least, your face wasn't his type. You weren't ugly, but you weren't the prettiest girl in the room either. You were rather normal with your round brown eyes and your dark hair, unlike the girls with caramel eyes and smooth hair that always looked as if they just arrived from a hair salon appointment, you simply had no spark, and you didn't try to get one either. You would wear plain clothes with no sense of style, only thinking in your comfort instead of what others said behind your back, and he couldn’t imagine himself going hand in hand with you looking that way.

Seunghan almost never got involved with people like you, dull and boring. He was sure that if it wasn’t for the project, he wouldn’t have learned your name, and if it wasn’t for the unexpected turn of events, you’d have ended like one of the numerous faceless people in his past.

The way you slowly and effortlessly took a spot in his head was unconventional. Unlike the continuous messages and invitations most people did to get closer to him, you only did your stuff, working on your tasks and lending a hand if anyone asked for help, but it was kind of endearing how someone who looked so uninterested in everyone else and their opinions would work hard to help if needed. Even if they ignored you most of the time, you had no resentment at all, and when Seunghan asked you if you minded that they called for you that much, your answer was so short it made him analyze each of your words for days, ‘’Well, the work has to be done’’.

He wanted to know if you were a fool letting yourself be taken advantage of or if you simply wanted to end things as fast as you could, and he was inclining more into the latest seeing your blank face writing over your keyboard and yawning unbothered when most of them had left and you stayed to finish their parts because, just like you had said, I won’t open the document once I cross your door.

‘’Aren’t you mad?’’ he then asked.

‘’Not really, why would I get mad?’’ you said without stopping your work.

‘’I don’t know, I just feel like you should’’ Seunghan bit his lip and watched you skillfully go through the document introducing commas and changing words, not wanting to interrupt you but doing it anyways because he couldn’t stay with the doubt in his mind, ‘’don’t you ever get mad?’’

‘’Uhmm no’’ you answered without stopping your work, ‘’I do get mad, I don’t mind correcting other’s work on the computer, but I hate washing other’s dishes.’’

That makes sense, he thought, because you never offered yourself to help him wash everyone’s cups once they left you two alone, and he didn’t realize it until that moment, but the common thing would’ve been to at least offer yourself to take them to the kitchen, thing you never did.

Another question popped into his mind.

‘’Don’t you work in a restaurant?’’ he, after a long time, asked.

‘’Yeah’’

He laughed for days when that conversation replayed in his head.

A routine had been formed after many reunions. Every member of the group would go to his house each Thursday for a couple of hours to show what they had advanced for the big project and the little work the professor left through the semester. You’d arrive a couple of minutes earlier than them since you finished your shift in the restaurant you worked at, and you’d stay there silently scrolling your phone while he revised the shared document. Then, when they all left, you would stay to check with him his work, he trusting you to respectfully correct him and help him just like you did with the others.

It was one of those numerous late nights that, whatever you had, started.

You were biting your lower lip while reading his paragraphs, making a couple of changes every now and then, not paying him any attention on your side, and he doesn’t know what went through his mind, you were calmly doing your own thing, you weren’t any different than usual, with your plain t-shirt and your glasses reflecting the screen light, no colour on your cheeks and hair strings poking out of your ponytail, when his hand moved on its own, accommodating them behind your ear.

Your hands immediately paralyzed, and your eyes stayed glued to the sentence you were about to change, surprised by his sudden action.

‘’Sorry,’’ he apologized, feeling surprised even with himself for doing that.

‘’It’s okay’’ you said and continued.

When you finished his part, you quickly grabbed your things and left, leaving him alone in his apartment with a sour taste in his mouth, repeating in his head how stupid he was for not being able to control his own hand.

You didn’t mention anything about it to anyone, and not that he had thought you would go and scream it to the public, but there was something that told him to be careful with you from that moment on, because you weren’t his prospect, and he couldn’t let you catch unnecessary feelings for him.

The next time you stayed to check his work, he kissed you.

His mind couldn’t function with you around. You, again, had done nothing different from usual, you sat beside him focused on your screen the whole time, correcting his progress, acting as if nothing had happened, making him feel like the only one overthinking the past situation. You showed no interest in him and he had repeated in his head that he should be careful with you that afternoon, he was so into it that when you arrived, instead of sitting beside you until the others got there, he went to his kitchen and rewashed the cups he gave each of them, yet when everyone had left and you were saying something about him reading a certain book to write more about the topic in his part, his hand moved to your neck, and making you face him, he pressed his lips over yours.

He had never done that before, he had never stolen a kiss, even less from someone who showed no interest in him, with no previous flirt and tons of flattering messages directed to him making clear that he could go for it.

You were reluctant at first, not corresponding to his lips movement, mouth hard like a stone. That almost threw him off, but when he was about to leave you, your mouth finally opened to him, letting him interlock his lips with yours, stealing some of your air and sensing the rare softness you had, a touch of inexperience with coffee flavour.

So smart for everything except that, he felt like he could finally teach you something, and that fired the last doubt inside him.

From that day on, every time you went to his house, he would kiss you until everyone else arrived, leaving you with glossy eyes and a different air around you that they noticed but commented nothing about, and when they left and you finished with the last touches of the document, he’d kiss you again, making you bolder and bolder to accept him with every session.

If he went to his kitchen and tapped your hand you would follow him without a word, if the last person about to leave went to the bathroom he wouldn’t doubt to quickly kiss you before they came back, and if you were doing nothing while waiting, he only had to walk to your side for you to lift your eyes and met his lips.

You showed no eagerness to start the kisses, but you always received him with appetite, and that was enough for him to not want to stop.

His preoccupation about you saying something was long forgotten, just in those meetings, even when it was only the two of you, you said no word about the kisses, a silent pact to keep what you had in secret and only behind his doors.

Also, another thing that helped him go around campus with an easy mind was that you showed no intention to change yourself. Usually, when he dated girls they would put more effort into their appearances, they would ask him to buy couple accessories to show off what they were, and then they would match his style, introducing clothes with colours he liked or constantly wore into their wardrobe, like a distinction to show off they were with him, but you didn’t try to do any of that at all, going around with the same clothes, not asking for a single thing from him, not even taunting the idea of having a shared accessory.

You weren’t dating, he knew you didn’t think you were a couple at all, so maybe that was why.

You didn’t ask him what you were, you didn’t pressure him into asking you out, or even insinuate that you liked him. He didn’t understand how you didn’t put any of those cards on the table, you had the chance every time you went to his house, but you didn’t. Seunghan couldn’t understand how you, unlike others, even himself, had no interest in grabbing the opportunity of getting a higher status and being the centre of everyone’s attention, by being with him you could escalate the pyramid, but it seemed like the invisible pyramid he always saw in his head was the last of your concerns.

He was kind of grateful that you didn’t see the point in telling others what you were doing in his living room because thanks to that he felt relaxed beside you. He knew you wouldn’t tell anyone if he did anything wrong, if his lips were too dry when he kissed you, if maybe he was using too much tongue, if his nose kept bumping yours, he didn’t feel the need to think each of his movements or to keep his perfect image, and that finally let him breath and discover how he liked to kiss, helping you discover how you liked it in the way too.

I need to breathe, I want to push my tongue more, can I bite your lip?

Both of you would sometimes throw questions in the middle of the sessions, and none of you judged each other if one wanted to try something new or wanted a break, but they were almost always short ones, enough for you to inhale air for a couple of seconds before Seunghan went back for it.

However, even if he thought the situation was perfect with you not asking for more from him in terms of the pseudo-relationship, he had started to do it without noticing.

Again, he knew how to make people comfortable, and after getting to know you all those days alone, he understood that the best thing to maintain you at ease was directly not trying to hold intruding conversations, but now instead of ignoring you until the next reunion like he always did the first times, he’d send you texts asking if you were going to class or if you had seen the new thing one of the members had written in the shared document, and then when you answered him, he would sneak a personal question in the chat, How was your shift? Did you eat already? What are you doing?

Not thinking too much about it, you gave concise replies and then forgot about him if he didn’t continue with his questions, but you had started to notice his change too, not understanding why he had decided to act like that out of nowhere.

You thought his interest in you was based more on the lack of your enthusiasm to have him around after you two were done, and your indifference to his actions outside his apartment, you thought it was that at least, reason why you felt weirded out every time he asked personal stuff.

You had no expectations of him, you convinced yourself it wasn’t worth it, and you did wish for his touch, but not for his words, not even for his ear to listen to you and agree with what you had to say. You were merely there, ready to accept his lips over yours and ready to leave his house as free as when you entered, which made him strangely confident whenever he was with you, but uneasy when you weren’t.

Still, even if you didn’t try to sustain anything with him, you’d do what he asked you to without doubt, like sitting over his lap when he patted his thighs, or walking to his kitchen when he said he wanted your company until the others arrived.

‘’Why did you arrive so early?’’ he asked one day between kisses. Your soft lips caressing his made him think you had prepared to receive him that afternoon, filling his mind with the idea of you hoping to see him earlier that day and the image of you applying lip balm before crossing his door.

He had you over his counter, your boring and plain blue jeans letting him thrust his clothed erection and enjoy the pressure, but not allowing him to differentiate the form of your cunt over him. That day he was getting impatient with not putting in, the idea had gone through his mind since your last meeting, but you hadn’t shown any intention of fucking him, so he contained himself. That was a step he wasn’t sure he should take alone. Unlike kissing, fucking you would bring another level of intimacy to the dynamic, and he doubted you would continue being the same after that, you were only a girl at the end.

‘’Coworker arrived early’’ you answered. Short, clear, and concise.

You didn’t try to satisfy his greed with an I missed you or an I wanted to see you, you let things go on their own flow, and he liked how fresh everything was with you, almost laughable of how unique your honesty was, and he wanted to keep it like that.

‘’I see’’ he smiled, a part of him disappointed but at the same time relieved.

He trusted you to always tell him the truth, even if sometimes brought him back to reality and humbled a little, he felt better knowing you wouldn’t feed his delusions with pleasant lies.

Everything was going well, each of you without mixing their lives apart from the Thursday afternoon in his house and the short conversations by text, and he was able to contain himself without problem, until that day.

Seunghan rarely had a problem with people from his past, usually once he cut the contact with them, they would get tired of reaching out to him, but this guy was one of the few pesters he couldn’t shake off.

He had been his school classmate in his last year, and Seunghan thought he wouldn’t have to see him again ever again after graduation, but he still called him every now and then to ask him to hang out.

Seunghan definitely had better things to do, but having met him outside his campus and saying hi while he was with his other friends, the boy dragged him into having dinner with other old classmates, making him think that maybe it’d be a good occasion to see old friends again, just a light conversation before they all went to do their own thing.

Seunghan should’ve known better at that point that an asshole would never change.

Arriving at one of the numerous restaurants near his house, he thought that at least, if he got bored, he could quickly escape with an excuse.

At a table on a corner there was his old classmate waiting for him, and the minute he saw that the table was just for two, Seunghan knew no one else would appear.

He tried to run away, but once the other made eye contact with him, it was too late.

‘’Hey man’’ the other greeted him.

Seunghan had no option but to sit.

Immediately he sat the other started to ramble about himself.

Trying to distract himself while the other talked, Seunghan directed his whole attention to the menu.

It was a normal chicken place that worked as a pub at night for groups to drink and play until late, he could already hear a few other people chanting for members to have shots and ordering more and more alcohol, the music was nice and the light was perfect to feel comfortable getting drunk without feeling judged, making him think that, if the other hadn’t lied, he could’ve had a good time with his old friends.

‘’Welcome, what can I get for you?’’

Seunghan instantly recognized your presence, your voice, your aroma, everything.

His eyes shot up and he looked at you, trying to distinguish if it was really you or his mind was playing him a bad (not so bad since he was glad) joke, but there you were, the one and only you.

You were wearing the kind of clothes you’d always wear but with an apron over them and a tag on your chest with your name, clearly showing that you worked there. Unlike him, you didn’t show any surprise to see him, keeping the stoic expression you always had, and the corners of his lips went up without him noticing, a smile almost taking control of his mouth, happy to see you out of the classroom or his living room, but no word came out of him.

Should he greet you like he wanted? Should he call your name and say what a surprise? Should he say he didn’t know you worked there? Because he really didn’t know.

Questions accumulated inside his head, and missing his chance, his old classmate ordered for both, and you, not displaying any disappointment or happiness or any feeling at all, left them alone.

Seunghan started to feel even more down, firmly believing that you decided to pretend you didn’t know him, was that what you wanted? To not know him out of his house?

He knew you would never act giddy to see him, you would never scream his name and run to his arms if you saw him on the other side of the street, but he had hoped that you would at least say hi, to acknowledge you knew each other, after all, you were classmates, and he didn’t want you to act like one of the girls that had a crush on him, but he didn’t want you to ignore him either.

‘’So, what do you say?’’ the annoying guy brought him out of his thinking.

‘’Sorry, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you with the music’’ Seunghan was lost the minute the other started to yap, and he didn’t feel like hearing him anymore, but the least he could do was be polite enough until he said goodbye, the last thing he needed was to hear how the other spread into the chats that Seunghan was full of himself now that he was in college, but the boy didn’t help him to stay calm at all.

Even with the big sign inside every restaurant saying that it was forbidden to smoke in shared spaces, he put a cigarette in his mouth and held it while he searched for his lighter.

‘’My friend has a booth in this club and a ton of pretty girls go all the time, you should come with me, we’ll have fun, and if we’re lucky, a better after night’’ he laughed while lighting it.

Seunghan didn’t want to meet him exactly because of that. They never shared interests, he was a lost cause always living in parties ever since they were in school, and Seunghan could say no to those outings when he was a minor, but since graduation, the other had been more and more insistent now that Seunghan didn’t have enough reasons to reject him anymore.

The other, just like when they were in school, wanted him to show up, attract a bunch of pretty girls and trap one of them to fuck them with his friendship with him as an excuse to appear more desirable.

‘’Sorry, I have class tomorrow early’’ Seunghan said, and trying to fan the smoke from his cigarette the other way, coughed before he continued, ‘’I think we should leave if you want to smoke, there’s a big sign that says not to smoke inside’’.

‘’Don’t worry about that, but talking about leaving, I think you should come with me, my friend always pays for all our drinks.’’

Shit, he started to think. Seunghan perfectly knew that tactic, typical from guys like him with no charm and no capacity to attract a girl that was in their full senses.

He hated that kind of guy, and not wanting to stay with one of them in front of you, he started to plan an excuse to leave, needing to go home and forget that night ever happened.

The other didn’t stop talking or showed any sign of putting off the nicotine stick, making him bite the inside of his cheek anxious with the idea of bringing you problems since you’d have to tell his friend that he couldn’t do that there, and knowing him, he wouldn’t stay quiet with a mere waitress telling him what he could and couldn’t do.

‘’I really think you should put that out’’ Seunghan interrupted him after a couple of minutes. The other was already in half his cigarette and Seunghan had resigned in having to put his pretty clean shirt in the dirty laundry because the smell of his cheap little vice was already impregnated in the fabric that used to have the warm and fruity aroma of his softener.

‘’Don’t be such a bummer man, light up a little’’ he joked. ‘’I’ll tell you something, if you come with me, I’ll stop, what do you say’’.

Seunghan found his offer tempting, but if he couldn’t escape there, how would he escape from the club? Well, he could get lost in the middle of all the people, and he had already decided that he would take a shower again to clean the smell of the cigarette, so it didn’t sound too bad after he contemplated the idea.

‘’Hey, go and fuck yourself, he already said he doesn’t want to go.’’

His friend almost choked with the smoke he was holding inside his mouth when he heard you, and Seunghan’s eyes opened while his mouth and thoughts completely shut down.

‘’What the- do you know her?’’ the last question was directed to Seunghan and he didn’t know what to say, his head almost shook saying no like instinct, but he stopped himself before doing it, staying still.

‘’He doesn’t have to know me, everyone here can hear how you’re trying to force him into going with you, so let him alone before I tell my boss you’re smoking here when that big ass poster clearly says you can’t, or apart from not listening you can’t read either?’’

You said all that without an ounce of fear and Seunghan couldn’t understand what was that feeling that had started to grow inside his chest, was that embarrassment for not being able to talk for himself? or embarrassment for being seen with someone like that guy? He wasn’t sure at that moment, but what he noticed was that it was mixed with another thing, annoyance. However, he didn’t know if it was with himself or with the stupid brat in front of him, and it increased once the other stood up from his seat and tried to lift his hand at you.

It was impossible the guy punched you, but just the idea of him touching you with a single finger made him interfere, something he never did.

Seunghan’s body moved on its own and grabbed him before he tried to even brush you, dragging him outside without giving you a second glance.

You didn’t flinch at all, you had met tons of worse clients, he was nothing to you, and you’d have probably ignored the whole situation if it wasn’t that Seunghan looked so troubled sitting there. You had a pact with yourself to not butt in situations that had nothing to do with you, but you knew Seunghan, he couldn’t say a frankly no for the sake of looking good, and he could easily lead people into leaving him in peace, but the other boy had bad news written all over his face, and you doubted someone as pacific as Seunghan could use his tactics with him.

You watched the drinks on the table, two untouched beers that your manager would ask why they stayed like that there, alone, and unpaid, and you just hoped that little spur of bravery didn’t bring you problems with anyone else.

Outside the restaurant Seunghan left the other guy’s arm free and, scrunching to touch his knees with the palms of his hands, he exhaled to control himself.

He started to count in his head, repeating It’s okay, It’s okay, to convince himself that nothing had happened.

‘’Woah I should talk to the owner, how could she talk to a customer like that, that girl shouldn’t be a waitress.’’

It’s not okay.

Rage started to fill him and for the first time, he felt tempted to use his punch over someone else.

‘’Don’t call me ever again.’’

Seunghan started his way to his house, not looking back, feeling that, if he saw his face again, he wouldn’t be able to control his hand from not flying directly to the other’s eye.

When Seunghan arrived at his house he saw one of the numerous flyers on his entrance, right next to the plate where he left his keys and any little thing that he received or bought on the street, recognizing the name of the restaurant where you worked at, and just there a memory came to his mind, you leaving that little paper with an ugly old design, sighing and saying I don’t know if I’m cursed or anything, but my work seems to never leave me alone.

Now he understood why when he saw the direction the other had sent, he felt so eager to go, because even if he couldn’t remember it, his body did it for him, wanting to be near you.

He tossed his shirt into the laundry. He had worn it that day believing it would still be clean enough the next day and he’d be able to wear it in front of all the group, but especially, in front of you, and when he tried to sleep, but the whole night the only thing that occupied his mind was how would you see him that afternoon.

When the clock marked the hour in which you usually arrived, he started to clean his table, again. He had already spent most of his morning cleaning his place to receive the group, but he didn’t know how to stay still with the memory of the disastrous previous night. He kept wondering, what would you say? Would you think he was like his friend? Impossible. Would you pretend nothing happened like you always did? That seemed pretty possible.

He kept convincing himself to not bother you with questions on his part, like, would you always act like you didn’t know him in the streets? Did he have to ignore you every time he saw you out there? Did you think he was pathetic for not being able to give a straight no? Because he thinking it was enough to torment his night, and sure the next ones would have him meeting the same fate too.

His watch alarm sounded while he was dusting his couch pillows for the third time, making him feel anxious because it usually sounded when you were already there, with him, accepting his kisses and his hands grasping your body as much as he allowed himself.

You didn’t arrive until much later when all the other guys were already there.

At least you took your seat beside him like you always did, making him feel at ease a little bit.

It wasn’t enough, Seunghan felt his hands sweating and he couldn’t stop his leg from moving under the table, so after many lost minutes, he decided it was enough, and tapping your hand he signalled the way to his kitchen, telling you to follow him in silence.

Thankfully, and as expected, you didn’t protest, leaving everyone else concentrating on their own stuff.

When you two got to his kitchen, you perfectly knowing your way at that point after so many afternoons watching him move around, to get busy, you filled his kettle with water to boil it and make more coffee, to have an excuse for disappearing from his living room.

‘’Did you get in trouble after we left?’’ Seunghan started.

You played with the force of the fire in his kitchen, and finally leaving it as high as possible, you answered.

‘’Not really.’’

‘’Will they cut the beers from your pay?’’

‘’Nah, you can have a couple of drinks for free a day, so my coworkers had them.’’

The way you looked so recollected should’ve brought him peace, you didn’t get in trouble, which was good, a happy ending, but he got more stressed.

‘’Why did you get involved?’’ he asked the one thing that bothered him the most the last night.

‘’Are you really asking me that?’’ you laughed, ‘’I just felt like doing it.’’

‘’But why.’’

‘’Why do you care so much Seunghan? I’m sorry if I brought you problems, I didn’t mean to, okay?’’ you wanted to leave the topic behind, so you didn’t look at him, nails busy scratching a point of dust off his counter.

You, just like Seunghan, hated getting involved in uncomfortable situations, but unlike him, you didn’t have the ability to swiftly change topics or help everyone involved feel better, resorting to abruptly trying to end discussions with apologies, to then ignore the problem.

That irritated him, how you avoided his eyes and tried to keep yourself busy to not take your part in the situation.

Seconds passed by, and he could hear the water starting to boil, so he knew he wouldn’t have much time until the others started to wonder what you two were doing in his kitchen alone.

His hand grabbed yours when he got tired of you not looking at him, but you kept your eyes down, directing them to his floor titles this time.

‘’Look at me’’ he ordered, and you, not being able to not follow his words, looked up at him.

The silence wasn’t like the one you had when you arrived, it was tense, and it had started to pick on your nerves, pushing you to talk again. ‘’He was bothering you, and you looked uncomfortable, I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to intervene.’’

His grip on you got softer and he exhaled through his nose, a tenderness installing on his chest with your eyes looking at him and your voice wavering but finally answering his question.

He then felt bad, he was no one to talk to you like that, and he never had discussions like that either. He knew how to keep the waters calm and get the other person to participate in the talk, making them feel heard and making them listen to what he had to say, but with you he forgot how to do that, carrying the conversation to another direction instead of the one he wanted to take. ‘’No, I’m sorry, I just wanted to thank you, I don’t know why it sounded as if I was complaining’’ he said, mind not as foggy anymore.

‘’I’m sorry’’ you said again, making him smile this time, because both of you would never stop saying sorry if he didn’t change the tone of the conversation.

‘’Thank you for helping me’’ he said to leave everything behind on good terms.

You nodded, air less tense and comfortable enough for him to move his body closer to you, and hand in hand, cornering you to his counter, after you moved your eyes from his eyes to his lips, he felt as if he had permission to take his Thursday kiss, giving you a peck, to then leave other, and other, until they stopped being just pecks and converted into a deep one.

His other hand went to your waist, playing with the hem of your long plain t-shirt, they never let him sneak a hand to touch the skin inside because of how long they were, and that kind of bothered him, but at the same time it made him smile with his lips over yours, liking the softness all your clothes had.

He had changed his softener to yours after you told him what you used, it was a cheap brand, but it does the job, and he liked to share something as banal as that with you.

The kettle whistle didn’t make him stop, and with the same hand playing with your clothes, he turned off the kitchen, so it didn’t sound anymore.

He had to prepare the new round of coffee for everyone outside, so after a last long-lasting peck, he let you go, but with one last order before you went outside to sit with everyone else.

‘’Don’t pretend to not know me in public.’’

Time went flying after that, and finally able to concentrate, he wrote as much as he could while waiting for everyone to leave you two alone to continue your routine.

When all of them left, you surprised him once again.

Standing with him, you grabbed a couple of cups to take to the kitchen with him, making him grin because that was just so uncharacteristic of you, and he knew you wanted something else to happen.

In his kitchen, alone, you stayed beside him watching him wash the cups and everything he had used that afternoon while he talked about the book you had recommended to him, and once he finished, he dried his hands on the towel you handed him, to then push you to his kitchen counter and taste you.

Your lips he had missed for a week had a different flavour, sweeter this time, still kind of bitter because of the coffee, but there was just something else.

Perhaps it was because you started the kiss this time, pulling his belt until his chest was touching yours and his eyes looked down at you with attention, or perhaps it was simply something else that he didn’t know, maybe you put more sugar in your drink? He didn’t care enough to keep guessing.

One hand going to cup your cheek while the other roamed your waist, he sighed when over your lips when a whimper left your mouth.

His hips were getting impatient, and he had started to thrust onto your clothed sex without thinking, but it was an automatic motion his body did for him, not that he had thought for so many days how your sweet insides would feel, or taste.

He wouldn’t fuck you; he had decided that.

Kisses were more than enough, he tried to convince himself.

But Hong Seunghan was just a man, and mere kisses were never going to be enough, so pulling apart, he tried to think he was stronger than what he really was, and he really tried it, until you grabbed his hand to cup you.

‘’Are you sure?’’ he asked you, hand cupping your pussy harder but still decided to let you go if you didn’t want it.

He had stolen a kiss from you before, but doing something like that without your firm approbation was too much for him.

‘’Just do it Seunghan’’ you replied, opening your legs for him even more.

You were wearing jeans and the rough material felt good against his clothed erection, but not against his hand, so he opened your button and pushed his hand inside your underwear, feeling your clit and drawing the direction your lips showed him to find your entrance.

‘’You’re wet, been thinking about me?’’ He murmured against your ear.

Your tailbone was against the hard marble counter of his kitchen, feeling the border of it sink strongly against you, but it felt so good to have his hand touching you there while he whispered right next to your ear.

He had you opening your legs for him while he situated himself beside you, one leg between yours, his right hand smearing your arousal, and the other gripping the counter to not get too lost in you.

You didn’t answer, ashamed of letting more embarrassing noises out when he was just taunting you.

He wasn’t doing anything, just feeling you with the palm of his hand, and you still felt something forming in the pitch of your stomach you had never felt with anyone before.

Seunghan knew you were a virgin, he was the one who taught you how to give open-mouthed kisses after all, but you never imagined he would be the one making you feel that way.

You two were so different, you had seen him walking around campus with his friends, his sole presence making everyone turn their heads to him, you would’ve never expected to end in a situation like this one with him, or that he’d be the one taking all the first steps.

‘’Stop laughing’’ you said when he continued still.

You had weeks of building up, going home with your panties dripping after he kissed you until you couldn’t breathe, you needed more, but he wasn’t taking the first step anymore, only kissing you, rutting his boner in your entrance and letting you go with a painful smile.

You were too proud to tell him you wanted more, and you wouldn’t have followed him to his kitchen with the cups of coffee if you hadn’t had enough.

Never helping him that way, tired of doing it every day at your job, you thought this was the time.

This was the time before everything fell apart.

You knew how fragile human relationships were, reason why you didn’t want to have a boyfriend or anything like that before.

You had seen in first person how people could change from one day to another, and how anything, didn’t matter how deep looked like, could end in a blink.

Yesterday you felt it was over, you thought that Seunghan would push you away and the make-out sessions would never happen again, but he had kissed you, so you decided to take the first step to feel him more before everything ended.

You thought, everything would finish at one point in time, and if it wasn’t because of a discussion, it would be when the project was over, whatever happened first, so you didn’t have enough time to be proud anymore.

His hand moving brought you out of your thinking, sliding his fingers up and down your slit, you felt his fingertips brushing your clit, sending a shiver through your spine and making you open your mouth, surprised.

‘’Feels good, right?’’ he asked with a smile, drawing circles and feeling as good as you just by looking at your face showing exactly all you were feeling.

Mouth open and eyebrows frown, you let him do what he wanted with you, trusting his experience to take you to an unknown place.

‘’Answer’’ he ordered, stopping his fingers from pressing that little bud and making you shook your head.

‘’Yes, it feels good’’ you answered, letting your head fall to his shoulder and sighing before grabbing his wrist to move it again, but he was a lot stronger, and you could only wrap your hand around him, not being able to close your fingers of how big he was.

Although he had pretty hands, they were still manly, strong, and a lot bigger than yours, and moving his hand again, he showed you the pace you should take when he wasn’t with you, but you doubted you’d be able to feel the same way if it wasn’t his hand the one touching you.

‘’Remember, just like this’’ he said, flicking his index on your clit and making you whimper.

He had that fucking grin on his face the whole time and you couldn’t dare to look at him, feeling at disadvantage to his knowledge.

You were smart, you knew a lot of things, you proofread his work, you checked everyone’s work, and you know you’re always right when you answer questions, but right there you were nothing compared to him, and that made you furious, but it calmed you at the same time.

He might have that grin, but he was treating you so well, softly showing you how real pleasure felt like, you doubted you would’ve felt that comfortable with anyone else in that situation.

Pushing one finger inside, the middle one, he let the other fingers rest while his thumb continued with the caresses to your clit.

Your panties were slightly pushed down with the way he was touching you, and the hard marble was now touching directly at your skin, but the cold sensation of it with the warmness of his hand made everything better, making you stay focused on what was happening the whole time.

‘’Oh god,’’ you cried when his finger started thrusting your entrance.

The spongy and smooth texture of your walls welcomed him without problem, and he cursed at how good you felt.

Getting dizzy, he thought about how you would receive him, how you’d wrap him, and how he would make you used to his size since he’d be the first person fucking you, which filled his chest with something else he couldn’t recognize, was that happiness? It was more like relief.

But it also terrified him.

The need that was increasing inside him to have you near, close to him, with him, it terrified him.

He’s not used to that kind of emotion, he feels tired of people, he knows that, but would he become tired of you?

‘’Seunghan,’’ you moaned his name, pushing your hips down to his hand so he fucked you with his finger again.

He looked at your face, eyes glossy and red lips after all the kisses and how you bit them to not cry out loud, and he added one more.

‘’Why did you get involved yesterday?’’ he asked you again.

You couldn’t understand his words, it resonated inside your mind, but you couldn’t think of an exact answer with his fingers fucking you harder and faster.

‘’I couldn’t let him… he was bothering you…’’ you said as you could.

‘’Good’’ he said, still fingering you, ‘’Will you ignore me outside again?’’

You were moving in unison with his hand, meeting him each time he pushed his fingers and his palm pressed your clit.

‘’No,’’ you cried, feeling that tight sensation form in your abdomen again, more intense, painful.

‘’Good, now cum’’ he ordered.

You cried on his shoulder pretty loud when he gave you permission, you didn’t know you would need one to have an orgasm, maybe that was why you couldn’t do it on your own, but it was life-changing how real, intense, and amazing, pleasure could be.

Trembling on his chest, your head still on his shoulder, and you trying to catch your breath, he made you face him to leave a couple of pecks on your lips again, almost loving and incredibly peaceful, as if you had done that many times before, making you feel comfy on his presence and with his hand still prying inside your underwear.

A couple of minutes later he helped you pull up your jeans again, but they were a mess, so he made you follow him to the laundry room and gave you a pair of clean boxers.

‘’Better than nothing’’ you said when he apologized for not having anything better.

He gave you a pair of his numerous grey pants and seeing how you were struggling to keep them in place, offered to walk you to the bus stop just in case.

‘’You looked good yesterday’’ you said to fill the silence after many minutes.

Seunghan regretted having offered to keep you company to the stop, walking on an uncomfortable silence that seemed to only affect him, you completely calm beside him, but when you said that, he smiled, feeling glad for doing something different for once.

‘’You too, that apron fits you’’ he said in a teasing tone. For him, it felt like flirting, for you, it felt like it too, but you weren’t used to it, so you only nodded and didn’t talk until your bus arrived.

Even if none of you said it, something had changed in the air after that.

When you met in the corridors, first he’d look at you from the distance, debating if he should get closer and talk or not, but then after much thinking (and many days doing the same thing, staring from feet away), he decided that saying hi to his classmate wasn’t anything out of the world.

The first time your eyes met his and he, instead of looking the other way, walked to you, you thought that something wrong was about to happen, sending a nervous shiver and making you grip onto your backpack straps.

‘’Hey, how was class?’’ he asked, just standing next to you while you waited for your water bottle to be filled.

‘’It was okay’’ you said, still not daring to see his face.

The first times were incredibly uncomfortable, but soon you got used to that, it was just talking after all, nothing special, so you let him talk to you about whatever crossed his mind until he was called by someone in his group, and you had started to accept him more, trying to maintain a decent conversation at least, all innocent and he being cordial with one of his many classmates.

In his house, however, he’d corner you and get you all heated until the others arrived, and when they left, he’d finger you until you came over his hand and cried on his neck.

You didn’t say anything when that happened, accepting him just like when he kissed you the first weeks, and like that, another routine had been formed.

From the first time he gave you a pair of his boxers, he washed your dirty pair of panties to give them back to you the next time he saw you, but that next time you’d leave another dirty pair again (more like, he would snatch them from your hands before you could say anything), changing into the clean pair he had washed, so the new routine would consist in you cumming over his fingers, leaving your wet underwear, and he washing it to have it ready for you the next time.

He never told you because you didn’t ask, but every time you left your panties, he would smell your orgasm on them, jerking off with the picture of you opening your legs for him until he came over the fabric, and appreciating the look of your wet spot with his cum over it, he’d wash them carefully by hand.

You still haven’t fucked.

Things were getting too intimate for Seunghan even if you hadn’t had sex, and he loved it, he loved how you left something yours in his house, he loved to be the only one giving you pleasure, and the only one seeing your face when you had an orgasm, but he had started to ask himself, what did that mean?

He wasn’t your boyfriend, you weren’t his girlfriend, and he enjoyed that silent pact at the start, but so much time had passed that it had started to confuse him.

Next week would be the last reunion before the big presentation, and after that, what would make you go to his house? Did he have to ask you out? Could he really let himself be seen with you in public?

In the confidence of his room, he didn’t have to give anyone an explanation, not even you since you never asked for one, but out there he doubted it could stay like that. He could already notice how people looked at him when he talked to you in the corridor like a mere classmate, what would they say if they knew all he did to you in his house?

Seunghan was so lost, he couldn’t understand any of his actions, not his body making him run to you in public, his mouth rambling every time he had you near, or what he was doing there in front of your work at that moment.

You could go on your own without problem, you’ve been doing it for weeks, you knew his address and his house like the palm of your hand, so he couldn’t understand why all his thoughts told him to go and wait for you to finish your shift and then walk you to his house.

He was looking down at his feet, dusting the dust out of the floor as if it was his job.

His spotless sneakers were kicking air by that point, and he didn’t know if to stay or leave, telling himself to just walk in and order something and pretend he was passing by.

‘’Seunghan?’’ you asked before he could even decide.

You had a couple of plastic bags on each hand that seemed heavy, sure you didn’t only took orders and washed dishes, but he didn’t imagine they would also send you to buy stuff.

‘’Oh, hey’’ he said, trying to act nonchalant, ‘’I was just passing by…’’ you hadn’t asked anything and he was already giving you an answer ‘’and I remembered your shift was about to end so…’’

He had talked incredibly fast, and you almost didn’t understand the last part, but you heard shift and end, so, blinking, you nodded to his words.

‘’I see’’ you said, and silence came to surround you again, ‘’well, it’s true my shift was about to finish, I just had to leave this inside, we can go together to your house if you want’’.

Seunghan exhaled, thankful for you to talk.

‘’Okay then’’ he smiled, giving a few awkward steps to you.

You were pretty close to the local, you were in front of it and only had to cross the street, yet he couldn’t see you struggling with the bags, so taking them from your hands, he walked you inside, only giving them back because you had to leave them in the kitchen.

Sitting in one of the booths, he checked his phone to wait for you.

It somehow felt natural, waiting for you to then go back to his house, and he had a knot in his throat forming with that thought.

‘’Seunghan?’’ he lifted his gaze from his mindlessly scrolling to see the same old friend he had told to never call him again after the incident, ‘’what are you doing here?’’ he then said, looking at him weird out by seeing him alone.

‘’Soobin…’’ Seunghan murmured, he hadn’t expected to see him at all.

After that day he stopped contacting Seunghan just like he had asked, and he had totally forgotten about him until that moment, making him nervous because Seunghan didn’t know how to act with him anymore now that he had seen his uncool, angry and exasperated side.

‘’Are you waiting for someone?’’ he asked.

Seunghan left his phone on the table and, not knowing what to say, only nodded.

‘’I see… well, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, I made you go through an uncomfortable moment that day, sorry.’’

Not believing what he had just heard, Seunghan, lost at words, only nodded again.

‘’I was really an asshole’’ he laughed, making Seunghan laugh too.

‘’It’s okay, I shouldn’t have reacted like that, I’m sorry too’’ Seunghan finally said.

Standing and giving him his hand, both of them laughed and punched each other’s shoulders.

‘’But tell me the truth, you know that girl, right? The waitress who told me to go and fuck myself’’ Soobin said, laughing even more with the memory.

Seunghan didn’t know what to answer, pushing both hands to his pockets, he bit the inside of his cheek and, contrary to all he was thinking, denied.

‘’Not really’’ Seunghan said, looking at his feet and seeing the light reflection of his blue shirt over his white sneakers, without thinking he had worn the same shirt he had used that day.

‘’Uhm, if you say so’’ Soobin said unconvinced, ‘’she said you had classes together though.’’

Surprised, Seunghan stayed silent, and before he could explain himself, a girl had called Soobin, who said a quick goodbye and ran to her without looking back.

Seunghan saw the other smile at the girl and take her hand, proudly taking her bag from her and putting it on his shoulder as if it was his own.

He seemed happy, and not like an asshole anymore, what seemed unbelievable until that day, making him think that, maybe he was the only one who would never change.

He didn’t understand why he had denied knowing you, he was the one who told you to not pretend to not know him in public, and you had been true to your words, while he, even if hadn’t promised the same thing, felt like a liar.

You came out minutes later, and he had never been grateful to the world for not having you close at every moment, but in that moment, he was, because at least you hadn’t heard how pathetic he was, again.

‘’My boss gave you this, says thank you for carrying the bags’’ you showed him a can of beer, ‘’tsk, I was the one who carried them all the way here.’’

You looked incredibly offended, and accepting it, Seunghan looked behind you, where a big man met his eyes and gave him a thumbs up before he could say anything, and suddenly, he was laughing from the bottom of his heart again.

You smiled with him for a second, and walking out of the local, he told himself to stop being such a coward.

Walking in silence, Seunghan had both hands on his jeans pockets, while you had them over your backpack handles.

‘’I can carry your backpack if you want’’ Seunghan offered.

You denied, ‘’It’s okay, I can do it.’’

‘’I should be clearer, what I meant to say was that I want to carry your backpack’’ he said.

The sun was going down and he could see the orange lights of the sunset, tons of lights were starting to appear thanks to the numerous businesses around there, and he wanted to look at them, but his entire attention was on the way a little touch of red started to appear on your cheeks.

‘’Okay’’ you said, passing him your backpack and letting him carry it for you.

‘’It’s still early, we can buy some snacks before going, is there anything you want?’’ he asked, sliding his arms on the handles, and letting it sit on his back.

It was a bit tight, used to be carried only by you, but he wore it like he could.

‘’I’m okay, I just had something’’ you tried to not look at him, looking at the pavement instead.

He let you go a step in front of him, you had shorter legs and he had no problem reaching you, but he let you, you seemed to want that little distance, and that way he could also see more things of you he hadn’t noticed before.

Your hands didn’t have anything else to grab now that he was wearing your backpack and they seemed unnatural on your sides playing with nothing. Now that he noticed, you were always doing something with them, whether it was writing on your keyboard, writing something, or simply scratching any surface that you had near, but right there you had nothing, and he thought that maybe, he should hold your hand to fill that emptiness.

Not a maybe anymore, his hand wanted to interlock with yours, and slowly approaching you, he almost touched the side of your left one.

‘’If you want to buy something we can stop in that convenience store’’ you pointed to the store next to you, open and almost empty, and he woke up from all the ideas that were lurking inside his mind. To hold your hand, wasn’t that a bit too much for someone who wasn’t your boyfriend?

‘’Yeah,’’ he said, walking in and buying the first chips he saw just to buy something.

You were waiting for him outside, checking your phone, and he couldn’t stop seeing the way your eyelashes were really dark, and how you, just like him, bit the inside of your cheek pretty often.

When he moved his eyes from you to the cashier, he talked before he could think, ‘’One box of condoms too, please’’.

The other boy didn’t even flinch, too used to hearing that sentence, and scanned the little code on the machine.

Seunghan shoved the receipt and the little box into his back pocket, brushing the bottom of your backpack in the way, and his heart started to pound while he held the plastic bag in his hand.

‘’Chips with coffee?’’ you asked with a soft smile, and he showed you a wide one back.

‘’I bought coke today’’ he said, walking next to you the rest of the way to his house.

Getting to his house, he opened the door and let you walk in first, watching you take off your shoes and then turn to him, waiting for him to do the same.

When you showed him your hand, he didn’t understand what you wanted, so he gave you the plastic bag with chips.

‘’Seunghan, my backpack’’ you said, making him release an embarrassed little smile before taking it off and giving it to you.

You grabbed it, and going to his kitchen, you left the can of beer your boss had given to him inside his fridge.

Seunghan walked behind you, looking at you move around with such normality, you had been going there for weeks, and that was the last reunion before the presentation next week, so of course you’d be comfortable enough by that point.

Things with the work were going smoothly, different from all the ideas that circled his mind about you. You had made that tedious job bearable, and he wished all his other projects could go as easy as that one.

They would arrive still in a considerable time, and seeing you bend down to inspect his fridge, he gulped, seeing the little outline of your body swimming inside that oversized t-shirt.

‘’You bought Sprite too’’ you affirmed before closing his door, ‘’what’s the occasion?’’

‘’It’s the last meeting, I thought it would be nice to give them something that wasn’t instant coffee’’ he murmured.

You walked to him, looking at his hand organizing the bags over his counter and folding the plastic bag from the convenience store into a drawer. ‘’The last meeting…’’ you murmured too, not believing that so much time had passed, and how probably that would be your last day together like that in his kitchen.

Catching your attention, a piece of paper was showing in his back pocket, and you shouldn’t have done it, you don’t know why you did it, but you grabbed it, it easily slipped from his jeans without making a noise, so he didn’t notice it, and you and your wandering eyes read what was written in the little paper.

Nothing seemed out of normal, the different chips were listed with their price right next to them, but one word caught your attention.

You had never bought it before, but you recognized the name of the brand, it was popular and all the stores had it, so you had seen it in the health section in the supermarket and posters of it in convenience stores.

Not wanting to make it obvious that you knew, you let the paper fall to the floor when he stood up again.

‘’That fell’’ you said, and he, following your eyes, saw the white paper on the floor, picking it up and making it a ball before he tossed it to the trash can there in his kitchen.

You swallowed the saliva accumulating in your throat, and he didn’t say anything, he didn’t know you had read it, so when the air changed and he met your eyes staring at him, he smiled, thinking it was you wanting a kiss from him.

Getting close to you, things were different this time, he was going just for a kiss, there wasn’t much time before the others arrived, but you put your arms around his neck and opened your mouth, wanting a deep one this time.

Sliding his tongue and caressing yours, one of his hands went to your back, feeling the clasp of your bra through your shirt, while the other shamelessly went to the small of your back, drawing lines and circles just to keep his hands busy.

You whimpered and he couldn’t help but push his mouth even more against yours, pressing you to his counter and groaning when he heard another whimper come from you.

‘’The others are going to arrive in any second… I’m sorry’’ he said.

‘’Why are you sorry?’’ you asked.

‘’Because I can’t make you cum, there’s not enough time’’ he sighed before giving you a peck over your lips.

‘’Later then?’’ your voice almost broke and he saw your brown eyes gleaming, thinking how they were the prettiest pair he had seen, and how they were focused solely on him.

He nodded, ‘’Later.’’

When the others got there, they all focused on giving the presentation the last touches, and once they were done, they all celebrated with the chips and the sodas Seunghan had bought.

‘’I’ve never had a group work as much as this one, I’m thankful to all of you for coming here even with your busy agendas, thank you for everything’’ Seunghan said, making them all smile, and of course, the praises for him didn’t take much to appear.

Everyone left not much later, and being alone, you helped him recollect the cans and then step over them to recycle them.

Finishing the work in silence, you helped him clean, and once nothing else was there to do, Seunghan made you follow him to his room.

You haven’t been there many times, but you remember it, you remember the dark blue walls, and his black furniture, especially the way even his window frame was black too.

It looked like someone had designed it for him, knowing his style, just like his whole house, and you couldn’t help but feel the difference with your place when after spending hours there you had to ride the bust to your little studio apartment.

But Seunghan had never shown any sign of caring about the difference in your situations, he knew you worked in a half bar half chicken restaurant, that you used cheap softener for your clothes, and that you repeated outfits many times, but he had never commented about it.

You couldn’t help but feel kind of special, and just that day, when you saw him waiting for you in front of your workplace, you felt your heart flinch, because not even in your wildest dreams you had thought you would see that scene.

You knew him enough to know he usually overthought things about others and how they saw him, needing to appear perfect all the time, but even with that in mind, just perhaps, things were different with you.

Closing his door while you saw the pictures he had on his desk, you didn’t say a word once he got behind you and one of his hands rested on your abdomen.

You let him kiss you again, receiving him and giving him your full attention, to him, to his fingers, and to the way he wasn’t containing anymore.

He made you walk to his bed with him, and pushing you there, he played with the hem of your t-shirt.

‘’I’ll take it off’’ he said, and when you nodded, he showed you a smile, ‘’I’ll finally see what you have there.’’

‘’Shut up’’ you laughed and lifted your arms, so he took it off.

Showing him your chest, you felt exposed, it was the first time you let him see you like that, he had sneaked a hand before, but he never took off your t-shirts, not even your jeans, touching you inside your underwear and making you cum with his fingers before he gave you your clean pair of panties and let you change yourself while he turned to watch a wall or went to put his shoes on while you changed alone in his room.

His eyes on your chest made you conscious, and he noticed it, but even if he wanted to stop so you felt comfortable, he couldn’t.

‘’They’re pretty’’ he said, and you gave him a half smile, not daring to see his eyes inspecting you.

His hand caressed your cheek, so you looked at him again, and trailing down the valley between your breasts, he smiled when you whimpered at his hands cupping your tits.

Nipping the naked skin that your bra let him see, he felt the softness of that part of your body, looking up to your face to not lose your reactions.

He took off the pretty blue shirt you liked to see him wearing, and that part of him naked, he showed you his tender skin, white, spotless and as pretty as him.

Of course, he’d look perfect without clothes too.

He didn’t unclasp your bra, he pulled it down, which felt uncomfortable, but you couldn’t say anything when his lips went to your nipples and left soft licks over them, making you arch so your chest continued meeting his mouth.

Untouched down there, you were sure your panties were already a mess since he kissed you in his kitchen hours before, and needing him, your hand went to his erection.

You weren’t that bold before, you could press your cunt to it when he asked you to sit on his lap, but you never touched it.

You wanted to touch it so bad, you let him keep attending your chest while you grabbed him over his pants.

‘’I want to touch you’’ you admitted, and he, without the smile you always saw, pushed your hand away.

‘’Not yet’’ he said, moving away and unbuttoning your jeans.

You, again, helped him to take it off you, lifting your hips so you helped him.

With hands sweating, he tosses them to the side and sighs glad that they didn’t slip from his hands. You looked so fucking good under him, nude bra down enough for him to see your tits, and a blue pair of panties that definitely didn’t match, but for him, they looked amazing together, because you were wearing them, and that was enough.

Looking at you, he can’t help but admire all the little places he wants to mark, the side of your neck, your collarbone, your chest, your tummy, and his eyes go all the way down until he sees the inside of your thighs.

Creamy, soft, sweet, they were calling for him, and without saying anything, he went down to taste them.

You let him, you just let him, and adoring the way you wordlessly opened your legs for him, he bit you there, breathing over your underwear the aroma he recognized a bit too well, leaving little pecks until, after pushing your panties to the side, left a single long one over your clit.

Glowing under his bedroom light, he can’t help but give big licks, down and up, recollecting your juices to taste you properly, and like he had been wanting for so long every time he smelled your panties in the confidence of his room.

All those times making you cum with his fingers and containing himself from dropping to his knees and drinking your orgasm to push another one had come to that, and he couldn’t stop now.

Tongue flat against your clit, he made you squirm, but maintaining you on your place with his arms under your thighs and his palms over your tummy, he made you accept him.

‘’Wait- Seunghan’’ you said, propping on your elbows and looking down at him, the sight of his dark eyes meeting yours and his mouth working so eagerly over you making your head spin, and one of your hands, needing to touch him, went to his hair to feel him.

With shaking hips, you met his mouth whenever his chin went upwards, pulsating against half of his face and leaving a mess.

Your pretty pussy lips had a reddish colour, furious with him and his teasing, so to alleviate them a little bit, he inserted two of his fingers in one thrust.

You didn’t need preparation for that, he knew you could take them, so many times cumming over them, your entrance recognized his fingers as an invited guess, so you could only cry when that little place that he always found squelched.

Cursing, you let your head fall, and arching your back, you came with his fingers and his mouth, legs almost closing around his face but being stopped by his big hands.

He left a mark of wetness over the place he touched with the fingers he had pushed on your insides, and you knew you were dripping all over his bed, yet you couldn’t care less.

He pushed down his pants and his underwear, kicking them away from his feet.

‘’Come here’’ he called you, and you, still not back in your senses but always listening to him, sat in the border of his bed as you could.

With drowsy eyes, you gulped when his member stood in front of you. Looking amazing, you didn’t know if dicks could be pretty, but that was the only adjective that came to your head when you saw it.

Pink, veiny, and long, the tip was slightly thicker and darker, and you waited for him to tell you what to do.

His palm wrapped him in front of you with one hand, and with the other, he grasped on your hard nipples begging for more attention, while your pussy was leaving a big spot over his bedsheets with how wet you were after he made you cum once.

‘’First use your hand, okay?’’ he said, and you didn’t need to hear anything else before your hand went to his member, ‘’you seem to like it’’ he snickered.

He didn’t want to tease you, he didn’t mean to, he’s not used to doing that, not even with his exes that could easily form comebacks and throw them at him, but with you, he couldn’t help it, so gorgeous, quiet, and always accepting, his ugly side kept floating out, and he liked your voice telling him to shut up or the almost mute giggles that escaped your chest.

‘’I like it’’ you said, and he licked his dry lips, watching you attentively. The way your wrist did its best to move in and out, and seeing your mouth get closer to his shaft, opening and letting the tip touch your tongue, made him groan.

‘’Take your bra off’’ he ordered, needing to see your tits bouncing with the little force you were using to jerk him off.

He suddenly remembered each time he jerked off to the smell of your panties and the memory of your eyebrows frowning when you came thanks to him, and he smiled, proud of seeing you so eager to attend him too.

His little doll, after all those orgasms, would you say yes to anything he said?

When you toss your bra away without stopping your licks to the tip of his cock, he knows the answer is a yes.

‘’Try to take a bit more’’ he inhaled hastily and, helping you do your job more comfortably, with his hands he pushed the loose strings of hair away from your face.

The first day he didn’t understand why his hand moved on its own to push that hair behind your ear, but now he sees that little dot on your cheek, close to your ear, and he thinks that he did it to see it without any obstacle covering it.

You opened your mouth for him and let him slide deeper, half his cock is inside you, and you looked at him with teary drunk eyes.

He moans at the image, so pretty for him, all for him, he’s the only one who had seen you from that angle, and he hopes it continues being like that.

Your cheeks hollowed and you tried to take more of him, stopping your lungs from taking air in so you could suck him better, and he could see it, he could see you struggling and doing your best for him, so he pressed a thumb on your cheek to show his approbation.

You thought he was getting bored, his usual smile was not there, and his eyes were looking at yours too much, so you stopped to make sure you were not doing all that for nothing, ‘’Sorry, am I bad?’’ you asked with insecurity pouring out of your eyes.

He shook his head, his little genius was all nervous and unconfident, and he felt like he had hit the fucking jackpot seeing such a tranquil and collected girl ask him if she was doing a good job at sucking his cock.

‘’You’re perfect’’ he assured, guiding his cock back to your mouth, to which you answer by letting a bit of spit over his tip, smearing it with your lips kissing him and taking him again.

Where the fuck did you learn that? he asked himself, but with the security of you not doing it from someone who isn’t him, he only sighed and let you continue.

Seconds later he felt himself getting closer, and he can’t let himself cum in your mouth, he needs to do it in your insides, so telling you to stop, you do as your told, watching him in your spot searching his jeans and the box of condoms he had bought in the convenience store on the way to his house.

He opened the package with his mouth, and you remembered all those times you’d heard you shouldn’t do it like that, and echoing inside your mind, you pushed those voices to the back when you pulled down your panties and kicked them under his bed.

‘’This is how you put one on, the next time you’ll do it for me, so watch’’ he said, and you nodded, juices leaking with the idea of doing it for him the next time.

He teaches you how to grab the pointy start with his fingers, and how, with the help of his other hand, you’ll have to slide the latex all over his length, until it ends a finger away from the base of his cock.

You batted your eyelashes without thinking, imagining how the pressure of him opening your insides would feel, and to that your thighs shook with excitement.

He kissed you to take away the last doubts you could have, not knowing that you were yearning for it as much as him.

Helping you lie on his bed with him between your legs, he pushed you more into the mattress so he could kneel over the same bedsheets you’ve been dripping all over.

‘’Tell me if you want to stop, I know it can hurt at first, but I’m confident you’ll take me without problem’’ he said, brushing his tip over your clit and then going lower to put it on your entrance, only pushing his thick tip inside, stretching you enough to make your breath get all messy and your mouth fall open, pushing the air out of your lungs with the sensation of his cock finally fucking you.

‘’Fuck’’ you cried, feeling more of him slide in, and he tried to not show how much he was feeling to not make you nervous, but your gummy walls were so hot he felt like he was melting inside you, and that stole the last sanity he had, biting his lips to not let any embarrassing sound out.

‘’I told you, you could take me’’ he said proudly when his entire dick was inside you, and you cried a needy yes and searched for his eyes to look at how good you were being for him.

Your legs were as wide open as they could, and you pulled him in for a kiss before he rutted into you.

He wanted to be soft, it was your first time, and he knows how important it is for most girls, but you make him so crazy he’s forgotten how he did to not act on his wishes anymore.

His hips clasped with yours at that pace and you cried with each thrust, trying to not be too loud with the hits, however, the curve of his cock was making punching a certain place that feels more intense perfectly, and soon you were gripping onto his bedsheets to get a hold of yourself.

His mouth launched to your neck, chest pressing yours while fucking you, and he started to leave little spots on your neck and collarbone while one of his hands moved from your hip to the wrist of one of your hands, holding it there to feel you closer.

You were practically stuck to him, yet he needed to feel you more, and soon he was pushing your thighs to your chest to watch and confirm how deep inside you he was.

Looking at his cock disappearing inside your plump lips, he frowns because its all so perfect, you under him, taking him after all those weeks, and his thrusts became harder, touching the deepest part of your insides to pull out until the only thing connecting you to him was his fat tip, to then harshly pound into you again.

It’s all so messy he can see you dripping on his bed and how the lube appears dull compared to the glow of your juices on his pelvis.

A moan almost escaped his throat when he saw little tears falling on your cheeks, he knows they’re not from pain, and that’s what pushes him to let his grunts and moans out.

‘’Taking me so good, I’m the only one who can make you like this, right?’’ he asked, but it sounds almost like begging, and you didn’t dare to tease him as he did with you.

‘’You’re the only one’’ you cried while his dick kept punching your insides.

‘’Fuck, I’m going to cum’’ he warned, covering you with his body but not crushing you, his weight doesn’t affect you and you wanted more, so the hand he wasn’t holding moved to his back and scratched him, making him hiss and move his hand to between your bodies, to thumb your clit and push you to cum with him.

Twitching inside you, he came while murmuring a soft my girl, and you tried to ignore those words, thinking that was just something that came to him because of pleasure, and that he would forget later.

He fell over you, this time he felt heavier, but you still didn’t mind, and pressing the tip of your fingers over the scratches you left on his back, you sighed, relaxed to have him there.

‘’Sorry,’’ you said after, when you were on his bed and he was showing you his back, only wearing his boxers and searching for your shirt while you were covering yourself with his bedsheets.

‘’Why?’’ he asked curious of your words.

‘’Your back’’ you answered, and he turned to see the side of his back in his mirror, which indeed, had lines done by your nails.

He smiled and walked to you, sitting beside you and caressing your cheek before he trailed his fingers to your neck, touching the purple spots he has left.

‘’Then I’m sorry too’’ he said, making you smile too.

‘’Maybe we should stop saying sorry’’ you laughed.

‘’Yeah, maybe we should’’ he answered, laughing too.

He didn’t know what else to say, but he didn’t want to be a coward anymore, and he wanted to say something because he wanted to, not because he thought you were the one who wanted to hear him saying it, and if he was being honest with himself, he knew you wouldn’t like him to say what he was about to anyway, because you, just like he does often, think that you know what he’s thinking, so he guessed that you were probably thinking a way to leave his house to not be a bother to him, but he didn’t want that, and he knew you wouldn’t know it unless he said it.

‘’Stay with me’’ he said, it sounded almost like a command, but you knew it was a question.

‘’Okay then’’ you said, accepting to stay with him, sounding nonchalant, like he usually did, but you looked as relieved as him, and he felt glad that he finally took a step further.

[chrisevansonly]

ello! idk whether u r still writing the blurbs but the past few are so cute!! if u r still doing them, could i get a oscar piastri x reader where reader is a manager for another team so he keeps hanging ard the other teams hospitality in order to see her and he gets caught by another driver who introduces them? tysm! (if u r not doing the blurbs anymore its ok! no pressure 💗 hope youre day is going good!)

i’m really loving this little blurb time tbh, thank you for requesting, i hope you don’t mind i changed it a tad!

it was no surprise to you or charles as you saw the young australian mclaren driver waiting outside your office door at the ferrari hospitality. you had been working as a social media manager for the F1 team for around 4 years now. a smile appeared on your face when he noticed you, his cheeks flushing

“i knew he’d be waiting here”

you looked to charles, your brows furrowing

“really?”

“oh yeah, he comes here almost everyday during race weekend to see you, i think he likes you”

the monagasque smiled knocking shoulders with you as you made it to the door

“oscar, nice to see you mate!”

he smiled nodding at charles

“you too!”

charles laughed to himself, patting oscar on the back before heading inside leaving the two of you outside, thankfully the paddock was quiet at this time

“hey os!”

“hey sunny”

sunny, the nickname he’d started calling you at the beginning of the season due to your natural ability to just light up the room and bring positivity wherever you went

“is everything okay? you’re usually gone by now”

“yeah um i actually wanted to know if you’d like to get dinner”

your eyes widened slightly at his question, your heart rate quickening as you both stared at one another

“like-like a date?”

he nodded smiling shyly

“yeah like a date..”

“right now?”

“if you’d like”

oscar was about to start backpedaling until a smile pulled at your lips, your eyes shining happily under the fluorescent lights

“i’d love to…”

“yeah? really?”

you nodded reaching forward to squeeze his hand gently

“really, i just need to grab my things and i’ll be ready to go!”

“take your time”

oscar’s brain almost short circuited when you kissed his cheek before taking off into the building to get your things, charles appearing a few seconds after

“i told you, you had bothered nothing to worry about”

“you’ll never let this go will you?”

charles laughed shaking his head

“mate i’ll be bragging until you two get married, enjoy your night”

“you too…”

as charles walked away, oscar couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander a little to imagine the what if’s and the future with you. because he was a smart man, and knowing how brilliant of a woman you were, he wasn’t ever letting go.

[moethewriter]

Idk if you're comfortable doing these but maybe reader is on their month and needs comfort from finnick. Had mine last week the cramps, nausea and back pain was crazy fr lol. Or maybe just a comfort reading been a rough week

Please and thank you have a lovely day 🫶🏾

Of course I can write that anon! Periods are the worst. TITLE: Chamomile Delights WORD COUNT: 1.1k WARNINGS: Period content, fluff TAGS: Can be read as gn!reader (women aren't the only ones who get periods y'all!) A/N: Loved writing this one! Periods are ass, and as a non-binary person who gets them, we all need a little comfort! Hope you all enjoy this! I'm still not feeling 100%, this flu is lingering my friends, but writing has been taking my mind off of that! Love yall! Also not beta read as per usual, sorry for any spelling mistakes! Haha! -

It had come early, and to say you weren’t happy was an understatement. You wanted to die, truly lay down and allow yourself to become one with the earth because anything would be better than this shit. You didn’t remember the last time you felt this horrible during your cycle, usually you could manage but today was just … awful. Everything made you want to cry, or you when something inconvenienced you, you wanted to chuck it against the wall and watch it smash. You were nauseated at the smell of anything Mags brought you to eat, and to top it all of you just felt so fucking miserable.

Finnick had been gone for a few days, off in The Capitol, when your period had started, usually he would be there to provide any sort of comfort you needed but right now you were alone. You couldn’t blame him, Snow had summoned him and many other Victors for a week of galas and to introduce the new Victors. You feigned illness, which in some ways was true, but you were upset he couldn’t stay with you. Had you known it would start, you probably would have gone because at least then you would have your built in space heater.

You wanted to have him near you, as childish as it sounded. He always made you feel better and doted on you. He made you feel better and knew how to take care of you. But mostly you just missed him. His comforting smile, the way he would rub your lower back and just hold you to help you fall asleep. You were miserable without him, and you looked like shit. It wasn’t ideal, but you could make it through the worst alone if you had too. You felt like something that had just crawled out of a sewer drain, and you were sure you looked like it too.

Finnick hated seeing you so ill. He always wanted to make you feel better in whatever way he could. Whether that was holding you while you angrily muttered and cursed at the world for having cramps, or making you a small dinner that he knew wouldn’t make you sick. Well more like got Mags to make something while he presented it to you, he had never been the best cook and when you weren’t well he knew it was hopeless to try and feed you anything he made, it was sweet the way he tried so hard.

Some days he was a pain in your ass, but you didn’t mind that anymore. 

“When he gets home, I swear I’m going to kill him.” You whispered, throwing a pillow over your head, maybe if you suffocate yourself enough, the lack of oxygen flow would stop the pain all together. “Damn fucking President Snow calling his ass away. Maybe I’ll kill him next.” You grumbled under the pillow.

“Kill who next?”

You sat up straight, regretting your decision the moment you cramped up a little more. You felt a small wave of nausea hit you as you covered your mouth. You hadn’t expected him home until far later in the week. 

“What the fuck?” You muttered, squinting your eyes. “You’re home early.” You observed the glitter on him, his demeanor and the way he was dressed.

It wasn’t unusual for him to come back from The Capitol dressed far differently than anything he wore at home. It wasn’t Finnick’s usual style, he preferred a more low key look when he was in District Four, always had, but he did look gorgeous.

“And you look like shit.” He raised an eyebrow, leaning against the door frame. “Are you in pain?”

“I feel like shit, thanks for the observation, Finn.” You rolled your eyes. “Yes, obviously.” You were far grumpier than you wanted to be but you couldn’t help it right now, the light was too bright and you abdomen felt like it was crushing your insides.

“Ah. I see.” Finnick said, exiting the room.

You grumbled to yourself angrily, desperately searching for a position that gave you any relief, though nothing you had tried worked thus far. At least Finnick was here, despite the annoyance you had at the entire situation, you were thankful he was home early.

“Hot water, and a cup of tea.” Finnick said, returning a few minutes later holding a steaming mug and a small towel.

“Finn.” You felt tears well up in your eyes. “Sorry. I’m not upset, and sorry for being a dick, thank you.” You smiled, as he passed you the cup, you inhaled it and the smile grew.

Chamomile, a luxury to get when you were outside The Capitol. It was your favourite tea, always had been, and he  managed to snag a few boxes of it when he could. He always thought of you like that, whenever he could get you something he would. 

He sat beside you, gently pressing a kiss into your shoulder and you exhaled deeply at the simple, yet comforting gesture. Having his presence was already a comfort.

“What do you need from me?” He asked, pressing his chin to where he laid the kiss. “You know I’ll do anything for you.”

“Kill me?” You questioned, a teasing tone lacing your words. You sipped the tea he had brought you and felt the warmth take over your body. 

“Well … not that.” He snorted into your shoulder, his hands moving to gently massage your sides. 

“Thank you for the tea, and the hot water. Hold me, massage my back … work your usual magic Odair, because when I tell you I’ve been so unpleasant these last two days … I’m not lying.” You huffed.

“You’re not always unpleasant?” He teased, moving the massage to your shoulders.

You could feel the deep knots slowly being undone, and you let out a sigh of relief, you hadn’t realized the tension had been that bad.

“I will kick you off this bed.” You warned, shooting him a glare.

“Then who would take such good care of you?” Finnick smiled, continuing to work his magic. “No one can live up to this.” He laughed, a small sound coming from the bass of his throat. 

You loved his laugh.

“Hush, let me relax.” You closed your eyes, and focused on his soft humming,

Days like these had always been so miserable, you had gotten so used to riding it out alone, but now you had Finnick. He would always take care of you, and you would in turn, take care of him. There would never be one without the other, not anymore.

“I love you.” You said, simply, leaning into him.

“I love you too.” He said back, holding you closer.

[dotster001]

Hi hii !! :3

May I request the first years hcs with an s/o that has a lot of pillows on their bed? Like 12 minimum and one big, soft, comfortable blanket.

Have a great day/night! ♡

A/N: lmao this is actually me. I always joke that if I ever find a man, he's gonna need his own bed, cause there's no room for him 😂

The man who offered to share your bed in your  first impromptu sleepover? Yeah, Ace is a secret cuddler.

So when he wants to hang out for cuddle time in a room that he doesn't share with three other men, he's almost distraught with how many pillows and stuffed animals are on your bed!

Where is he supposed to go?  He was already upset that if you both fell asleep he'd have to share with Grim when it was his bedtime. But there isn't even room for that! And when did you get all of these? Who gave them to you?

You assure him that it's like laying on a cloud, and with a pout, he flops onto the pillow pile. And he immediately feels so cozy…

He quickly realizes he has plenty of space amongst your pillows, and quite enjoys cuddling in it. You can tell when he has a bad day, because you'll flop into your pillows and hear him grunt.

"What? I couldn't find you anywhere, and your pillow pile smells like you. Sue me!

It's his dream come true! He's never had so many pillows and blankets! He'll be so comfy when you guys have sleepovers!

Now he's blushy. Sorry! He didn't mean to assume! He knows not everyone likes to share a bed while they're dating, you don't have to share if you don't want to….

Whether you guys snuggle or not, he always steals your fluffiest blanket. Whenever he sets foot in Ramshackle, he'll find himself wrapped in a blanket cocoon. You never even see him go get it, it kind of just appears. And he looks so happy all snuggled up, you don't have the heart to tell him to put it back.

If you really want to make your boyfriend happy, buy him his own fluffy blanket for his birthday or an anniversary. He'll be so ecstatic! He'll also be a blanket burrito every time you see him, until Riddle tells him he can't anymore. 

May or may not be thinking about buying one for his mom…

"No, Ace, I won't put it away. You're just jealous cause I have the world's fluffiest blanket."

Idk, there's no world where this man doesn't sleep on a wooden plank. Not because he rejects comfort, but just cause that's how he is. he just doesn't know any other way.

He's pretty neutral on your pillows and blankets though. Doesn't really care one way or another. You like what you like, and as long as you get a healthy night's rest, you can do what you want.

Still, like Ace, he does enjoy that they smell like you, and would be very happy if you left him a pillow if you go on a trip without him. He gets lonely, even if he doesn't admit it.

"I'm just returning your pillow to the pile. I know it's been a while since you gave it to me, but it doesn't smell like you anymore, so it's of no use to me…I'm sorry."

A lot like Deuce actually. He loves your fluffy blanket, and likes when the two of you snuggle together with it wrapped around your shoulders.

On days where he's stressed out, or wants you to pamper him (a surprisingly high amount of days for someone who makes fun of Vil a lot) he'll rest on your bed of pillows and tell you all about his woes, while you caress his cheek, or stroke his hair, or massage his hands.

"So, then Vil was all like, 'If ya keep cussin' out your teachers, you ain't never gonna have someone to write you a fancy note!'....What do you mean that doesn't sound like Vil? That was a perfect impression!"

Hmmm….this pile of pillows and blankets seem to make you very happy. And he does highly respect your opinions. He wouldn't have started dating you otherwise!

I'm sure you know where this is going…

Every fae holiday and birthday, from here on out, Lilia, Silver, and Malleus all get blankets and pillows! 

And you, his beloved Y/N, get to help him decide which ones to buy, and for who! Think cute couples dates to the Twisted Wonderland version of IKEA.

But that means that you each buy each other pillows that make you think of the other. It's something you both do a lot, where you split up, and find each other with your new gifts.

"I'm truly speechless….THIS IS THE GREATEST PILLOW KNOWN TO ANY SPECIES, AND MY LOVER HAS CHOSEN TO GIVE IT TO ME!"

....

Tag list- @shytastemakerthing @eccedentesiast-sapphic @leoll

[rintarousgirl]

kiss me better, baby - an atsumu miya two-shot

PART TWO - MASTERLIST

a/n: so, i randomly got inspired to write a thing like this, and i recognized that i haven't really written for 'tsumu before, so here i go! i tried doing all lower-case for this just to see how it is, because i feel like people nowadays enjoy a story on tumblr more like that, but on ao3 it needs caps?? idk, you tell me.

synopsis -

you and atsumu had been living together happily after your marriage, but after conflicting work schedules and bottled-up feelings, the two of you break into a heated argument. now, it's up to the two of you to mend it, maybe with a kiss? | tags: lack of communication, angst, making up, hurt/comfort, toxic relationship.

you married atsumu knowing, he was frustrating. you knew there would be up's and downs, and fights, and the regular. that's how marriage worked, and quite honestly, how your husband worked.

you knew by the end of the day, you'd be able to smile at him, embrace him, and give him a soft squeeze and a muffled apology as you dragged him in bed to watch a movie with you after work. everything would be alright, that's how things worked.

the two of you never got too worked up over apologies. you recognized that you did something wrong and made up for it with touch rather than words. that was what worked for you and him, and it saved atsumu the embarrassment of a wounded pride.

your friends had always told you that communication was key, and you knew that was true. you knew stating boundaries and expressing your emotions was right in a relationship and the best direction for a healthy bond between two people but...atsumu and you were different. you both had big prides and egos, and even if you were pissed off at day all of that seemed to melt away by the time night fell.

up until recently that is.

atsumu was obsessed with volleyball, you knew that much. it was his life, his career. everyone in his family had played it at some point, but they'd known when to give it up and pursue a career that lasted or one they were more passionate about. personally, you viewed as some passed down tradition, and you knew osamu broke out of it as soon as possible.

and just as reasonably you knew your own child would probably play volleyball to some extent. but that was exactly it. eventually, everyone got older, and their bodies couldn't keep up anymore, or they lost their passion with the sport that they held when they were young. atsumu wasn't like that. every game you still found that competitive spark in his eye, the same spark you fell in love with all those years ago.

but now you could only sigh, watching from the sidelines, phone dangling from your fingertips and your wedding band burning against your skin. was this the life you wanted to live? demoted to some trophy-spouse? no, it wasn't. you wanted your husband back.

atsumu began to stay later at practices, and left earlier in the morning too. when did come back, he'd drop his bag in the foyer, take a quick shower, and collapse in bed. you knew he was tired, and that he worked hard, but he was asleep before you could even say goodnight.

often times, you kind of had to chase him to bed. it would be around nine when he got back, dinner sizzling on the table from where you'd kindly reheated it for him. he presses a quick kiss to your lips, at least acknowledging your existence, and then run for the bathroom.

it was horrible, almost humiliating, even. by the time you had everything cleaned up, his dinner wrapped in plastic and placed in the fridge for him to pick at the next day, he was half-asleep in bed. you'd give his shoulder a comforting squeeze, brush the blonde hair from his eyes, and whisper a soft goodnight before leaving for the living room to watch your nightly television.

and even when he wasn't at practice, he was always doing something. whether it be an interview, or helping out at osamu's shop, or mentoring or watching other teams practices. sometimes, he'd hole himself up in the garage where you'd set up a homemade gym. this had nothing to mention the fact you had work to, a simple quiet office job where you filed papers, typed in numbers, and picked up calls.

it wasn't much, but it paid good money.

so, in the lucky times when you were both home, contact was limited to breakfast and lunch which even then your mouths were full and there wasn't much for you to talk about. the only thing that came out of his mouth were, "volleyball", "see you later," and an occasional, "love you!" without the "I".

somewhere along the line, you came to the conclusion of, well if i barely see him anyway what's the harm in picking up some extra shift for some more money? it wasn't like the two of you weren't comfortable. honestly, you both could live smoothly off atsumu's salary alone, but you were never the stay-at-home type.

atsumu had spared a small comment at that. late at night, as you crawled into bed next to him, he circled his arms around your waist and muttered, "you worked later today," into the soft flesh of your shoulder. you gave a small hum, feeling something bubble in your throat contracting your words.

you didn't have to work, but it was kind of satisfying nonetheless to have him hold onto you because you cut off an extra hour of time you had together. revenge was petty, you knew that, but you were tired of being on the receiving end of missed calls and empty sheets in bed.

his thumb had rubbed small circles on top of your hipbone, and you could feel his mouth twist into a frown. "you don't have to...did the cut your check or something?"

"no," you said into the quiet, "i just felt like it, that's all."

he sighed and buried his head into your neck. you felt yourself smiling despite it all, and he held you a little bit tighter the next few nights.

though, eventually, everything blew up in both of your faces. that night, when atsumu came home you hadn't bothered to reheat his dinner or make dinner at all actually. as you heard the front door shut and then lock, your stomach rumbled, having skipped it as well.

despite it all, you didn't have an appetite. not when you felt nauseous with your anger. you were tired of only seeing glimpses of your husband. hell, shoyo saw him more than you did in a week, maybe even a month.

you couldn't keep living like this. alone, and secluded, the barest hints of comfort coming from his touch. you knew he loved his job, and you wouldn't tell him not to. you just...wished he loved you as much as he loved the stupid game.

you missed your husband, your atsumu. those boyish grins he would give you and chaste morning kisses before he ran out the door. you missed when he would come home right in time for dinner and the two of you could sit down and talk and laugh about your days.

this time though, you didn't hear the sound of the water but instead his soft voice calling out into the silence of the house. usually you had the television on, or music playing when he came home to fill your head with something other than your own thoughts. now though? it was only the sound of his footsteps and your heavy breathing.

the door creaked open, his shadow spilling into the room. you hugged your knees to your chest, looking to the window beside the bed. atsumu walked in, sweat clinging to his skin and his lip caught between his teeth. "baby?" he asks, stepping further into the room, "are you alright?" he reaches forward, pressing the back of his hand to your head to check your temperature.

you gently swat away his hand, huffing as you refused to look at him. beside you the bed dips, and he places a hand on your knee. "what's wrong with ya? i'm all ears, y'know. i kinda promised...in sickness and in health and all that."

a lump rose in your throat, and you struggle to swallow around it as your eyes dart to the silver wedding band on his finger. it glints under the lamp light. you didn't have the heart to reach over and grab your own ring out of its box on the bedside table. atsumu hadn't noticed, but it's been there for the past three days.

"you're tired," you end up saying, "you should go to bed...I'm gonna go," you rush to get up, but you only make it so far before his hand jumps out and grabs your wrist and pulls you back.

he stands with you, pulling you close, still holding onto your wrist. "c'mon now, tell me what's wrong. you're worrying me, y/n," he admits softly, and you half-heartedly tug your hand out of his grip.

"it's nothing," you hiss, glaring at him, "of course you care now."

his shoulders go stiff, and his expression sours a bit. "what are you insinuating?" he mutters, lip curling, "of course i care for you, are ya out of your mind?"

"maybe i am," you grumble, "i'm sure you wouldn't notice then either since you don't seem to give a damn!"

his hands reach up to tug at his hair, before running through it and resting on the back of his head for a second. "i don't get what you're so worked up about. and i won't get it until you tell me!" he shouts, temper rising and patience thinning. well, you could play two at that game.

"oh, get over yourself!" you yell back, "you spend day and night at the stupid gym and i get to sit here all day and rot and wait for you to get back. and guess what? when you do get back it's like i'm talking to a fucking wall!"

he laughs, a little hysterical. "is that what you're upset about? you're upset that i care about my job?" it's so condesencing, and infurating and you just can't anymore. he was a grade-a asshole, and you were done putting up with it.

atsumu was sweet before, he would hold your hand and sway you around to sweet love songs that came on the radio in the kitchen. he's kiss you and laugh at all your jokes, and enjoy your food, and give you all his time. you missed that atsumu. you didn't like this version of him.

"get out," you whisper, hands curling into fists.

"what?" he stammers, a little bit of that anger fleeting from his eyes.

"i said get out!" you scream, shoving him a little. it wasn't enough to knock him off balance, you weren't strong enough for that, but it should've been enough to get your point across.

"you can't be serious," he says with a little huff, a hint of a confident smirk pulling at his lips.

"deadly," you growl, and point to the door, "now out! i don't want to see you tonight, or tomorrow preferably. actually, don't bother coming back from work either!"

you give him another shove, and that gets him to move an inch. you're fortunate that the door is close enough to the bed that after a bit of effort you can get him past the doorframe. he turns around, licking his lips, all that confident aura from earlier gone.

"so you're gonna kick me out? just like that, huh? over something so stupid--"

"honestly, atsumu, if you think this is stupid than you're more of an idiot than i thought. not in a million years had i thought this was the guy i was going to marry, but here we are now."

he stammers to say something, but you're slamming the door, locking it just as quickly. you turn on your heel, but your knees seem to buckle from beneath you.

crumbling down onto the ground, you press up against the back of the door and watch as your world disintegrates around you. your shoulders begin to shake, your lip trembling and eyes spilling over with tears.

the sobs don't begin until you hear the sound of doors slamming as atsumu no doubt packs a bag, and you can hear the metallic clang of the laundry machine door.

your breaths are shaky and wet, and you're choking on them. you don't know how long he's slamming around for, but eventually you can hear the running shower water, and the hallway light flickers off.

the atsumu you knew didn't give up that easily...the atsumu you knew didn't neglect you. the atsumu you knew would've sat on the other side of that door and pleaded to be let in.

and you can't help but wonder what happened? what did you do wrong? what is he hiding from you? an affair? a demotion? something more than that? you didn't know, you weren't sure you wanted to know.

so, for the night, you sat there. shoulders shaking, fat tears rolling down your cheeks, choking on your own spit and sobs. sooner or later, you fell asleep like that, curled up against the door, shirt soaked with your tears and a depression hanging over you like a shield.

[8myass]

OH MY GOD HIIII ur blog looks supa cool it’s so nice to meet u lele 😁😁

can i be 🧺 anon and request haechan hate sex 🥴🥴🥴 god i’m obsessed w that man

hi hi! thank you so much! of course, you can be 🧺 anon! thank you for making the first-ever request on my page. it was super fun to write this! i, too, am very obsessed with this man, he's genuinely too fine. i hope you enjoy it!! pairing. lee donghyuck/haechan x female reader genre. angst, smut (w plot) pov. second person (you, yours, yourself, etc.) wc. 1.6k cw. enemy!haechan, slight bimbo!reader, mean dom!hae, bratty sub!reader tw. alcohol consumption, mentions infidelity and breakup, slight dubcon aspects (bc of the wording, it seems very noncon at first), cursing, mentions blood, name calling (‘bitch’, ‘whore’, ‘toy’), face-fucking, deepthroating, degradation, slight praise (typically only ever mixed with degradation), hate sex (obvi), p in v, unprotected sex (wrap your meat fellas), ass slapping, pet names (‘babe’, ‘baby’), hair pulling, breeding, haechan’s just mean idk??

“Can you at least pretend to love me? Just for tonight?” Haechan frowned, his vision blurred from an extensive amount of alcohol, hung over your shoulder as you dragged him to your car, somehow being left with the responsibility of taking him home after he was found passed out on your friend’s couch. Your friend claimed she had to clean the party that wiped through her house like a hurricane but fell asleep in the bathroom by the toilet, droplets of vomit littering the toilet seat, and more chunks in the bowl. 

You rolled your eyes, popping open the door of the passenger’s side to your vehicle, “You’re fucking ridiculous.” Throwing him in the car, you shut the door and dragged your feet to the driver’s side door, sitting down to instantly start the engine up. He didn’t buckle up, slouching down in the seat, eyes dazed. You looked over at him and sighed, shaking your head, “What happened to you, man? Why’d you drink so much?”

“My girl cheated on me,” he laughed, the amusement in his tone holding the deepest pain you remember hearing your entire life. “We’re not together anymore.”

You didn’t know how to reply, never feeling so much sympathy for someone who you despised so incredibly. “Do you miss her?”

“How could I not? She was my world all through high school, no one else meant as much to me as she did,” he exhaled deeply, his voice cracking, sounding like he was on the verge of tears. 

You sat in silence for a couple of minutes, the drive becoming awkward in the quietness. You still didn’t know what to say, unable to comprehend whether he wanted to find comfort in you at such an awful time. 

“It’s right here,” he pointed out the window as you pulled up his street, stepping on the brakes as soon as you heard his words. 

“This place?” you scoffed, looking at him with your typical disgusted expression, accidentally forgetting the deep emotional conversation you two just had. The place was old, moss growing up the sides of the former white-painted house that had now turned brown due to being behind on cleaning. The windows were clouded, blinds pale and stained, the wood of the door cracked. “It’s a dump.”

He sighed lowly, getting out of the car with a quick shove, turning on his heels to look at you, “Can you come in?”

“You want me to come into your house?” you raised an eyebrow, but something told you to accept his offer, “Fine, just until you sober up.”

You unbuckled and followed him into his garbage site that he claimed was his house, watching him chug water bottle after water bottle sitting at the small, two-person table across from him. 

“Don’t choke, I might laugh,” you chuckled as he continued to gulp down the remaining water in the bottle, eyes narrowing while looking at you. 

“You’re annoying,” he huffed, slamming the bottle down on the table. 

“Yeah, not the first time you’ve told me that,” you snorted, “Are you sobered up yet? Can I go now, Mr. I-need-you-to-come-help-make-sure-I-don’t-choke-on-my-own-vomit?”

“Screw you,” he groaned, standing up and throwing away the plastic bottle into the green recycling bin next to his dirtied fridge. You stood up as well, hurrying toward the door, taking that as a ‘get the hell out, bitch’. Typically, that’d be what that meant, you weren’t wrong for thinking that. 

“Where are you going?” you heard his voice right next to your ear as your body was pressed against the door before your hand could reach the doorknob.

“I’m leaving, you’re sober now,” you squirmed in his grip, his thumbs pressed to the back of your hips to hold your body against the chilled wood. “Don’t touch me, let go of me.”

“Why would I do that? I’m finally available, I can finally touch you how I please,” he hummed, one finger tracing down your spine, his opposing hand slipping up your skin-tight dress, pressing his palm against the delicate skin of your inner thigh. 

“Don’t touch me,” you growled, squirming more aggressively in his grasp. “You’re disgusting, I hate you. Let me go before I kick your dick in.”

“God, you’re so fucking annoying,” he managed to flip your fussy form around so he could look into your pleading eyes. In an instant, you were on your knees, cock down your throat, gagging you to the point of tears pouring down your cheeks, slobber coating your chin as his balls smacked the remnants of your filth off your face and down onto your thighs. 

“Fuck, bitch, that’s so good,” he moaned, smirk popping onto his face as his head fell back. Your tongue looped around his cock as he repeatedly fucked your face, your nails digging into the skin of his thighs so tightly that it nearly drew blood. His fingers were laced through your hair, keeping your head in place as he thrusts himself into your mouth. He scrunched his nose up a few times as he felt your teeth brush against his dick, “A little less teeth, okay?”

“What’s the matter? Don’t act like you haven’t done this before, I’m sure you’ve had a cock down your throat every night since we last saw each other,” he scoffed, looking down at the way your eyes gazed at him with a gentle glint in them. You had only just seen him a few days ago, but you have been with a man every night since then. It was a good time killer, how could you not let some random guy fuck the daylights outta you just for funsies? “You never had something so big down your throat, is that the problem?”

You gagged in response to his question, drool pooling out around the seams of your mouth. His cock was coated in your sticky saliva by now, his tip reaching down your throat, precum leaking out around it. 

“You sound so much better gagging on my dick,” he chuckled, forcing himself entirely into your mouth until your nose was pressed against his pelvis, choking on the cum pouring out of his tip as trails of moans came out of his hung open mouth. “Yeah, that’s so fucking good, babe.”

After pulling out of your weak mouth, you didn’t have much time to bitch at him before you were bent over the table, dress forced up and panties ripped off, already rehardened cock slipped inside your dripping cunt. 

“So wet? Is this for me?” he muttered against the skin of your neck, moans spilling from your parted lips, throat way too sore to reach the volumes you currently were. “Did you like sucking my cock? How about this? Do you like this, hm?”

You frantically nodded as you felt his hands slide up your dress to roughly play with your boobs, thumbs circling over your sensitive nipples, “Ye-yeah, feels good.”

“Fuck, you’re such a whore, you know that?” he growled, smacking your ass after pulling his hand from your boob, the other one still lingering. “Gonna let me fuck you like this after just claiming you hate me?”

“I do hate you,” you scoffed, trying to sound strong, but your voice came out more unstable than you had originally planned. You did hate him, you just might not have hated this moment. The sex was good, I mean, how could you say no?

“I hate you too, don’t worry,” he snarled, grabbing a fistful of your hair to pull your head toward him, your back pressed against his chest. “I’m using you, baby. Only to pass the time, only to get her off my mind. You are simply a toy, that’s all.”

“You think she’s ever gonna come back?” you mocked, head slightly turning so your eyes could meet his, which had soon turned into a glare directed at you, “I can’t be a placeholder for someone who’s not coming back.”

“Shut the fuck up, toy,” he growled, upper lip twitching as he pushed you back down onto the table, pressing his palm to the center of your back to hold you there as the other gripped your hip tightly, his thrusts becoming harder yet sloppier. 

He was beyond enraged by your comments, and the movements of his own hips against your poor body really showed that. You were a whimpering and crying mess as soon as he became angry with you, almost making you want to sob out an apology, but you wouldn’t degrade yourself so much as to actually apologize to him, it’s bad enough you were letting him fuck you.

“I think you’re gonna make a good cumdump from now on,” he moaned loudly, his moans echoing throughout the rest of the kitchen. “I’ll use you however I please.”

“Scr-screw y-you,” you whined, continuing to be a little bitch to him, not realizing where it gets you. 

He groaned as he continued thrusting himself into you, head falling back as he smacked your ass again at your words. You squealed and dipped your head down against the table, burying your forehead into your arms. Your bodies colliding rocked the entire table, the sound of its creaking spread through the room.

Soon enough, he had let loose strands of cum inside you, feeling his hot liquid fill your insides as loud moans flew out of his mouth, desperate and frantic cries falling out of you, your release also shaking your body, cum seeping out around his cock. 

“Shit, maybe we should do this more often,” he’d say only as he’s rebuttoning his pants and you’re fixing your dress, wiping your mouth of the drool that poured out of the corners of your lips, patting away the dried tears coating your flushed cheeks.

“Yeah, whatever,” you rolled your eyes and stormed out of his house, ‘hoping’ you’d never see him again, but knowing damn well you’d cave and show up to his place the following night, all for a round two…

[rmbunnie]

Red Hood Characterization

This is really long so I'm putting a cut here, I've been thinking about Jason Todd's character motivations and the question of whether or not his actions are based in a Moral Code (I don't think so, not to say he's without any morality) and I talk about that in more depth here.

I saw someone say on here that Titans: Beast World: Gotham City was some of the best Jason Todd internal writing they'd seen in a while, and I've been a Red Hood fan for 8 years or so now? pretty much since I read comics for the first time, so I went and checked out and I thought it was good! The way the person I saw talking about it as if it was rare and unusual made me wonder though, because as well-written as i thought his stances on crime were, there wasn't really anything in it that went against the way I conceptualize Jason?

This kinda plays into a larger question I've been thinking about for a while with Jason though, which is that, do people think that the killing is part of a fundamental worldview that motivates him a la batman, and that worldview is the reason he does the things he does?? Because 8 years ago i was a middle schooler engaging with fiction on the level that a middle schooler does, so I simply did not put much thought into it beyond "poor guy :(" but ever since I actually started trying to understand consistent characterization, I don't really see Jason as someone who's motivated by a moral code in his actions the way batman or superman is!

tbh my personal read is that he's a very socially-motivated guy, his actions from resurrection to his Joker-Batman ultimatum in utrh always seemed to me like every choice made leading up to his identity reveal was either a. to give him the leverage and skill necessary to pull off his identity reveal successfully, or b. to twist the knife that little bit more when he does let Bruce find out who he is. Like iirc there's a Judd Winick tweet like "yeah tldr he chose Red Hood as his identity because it's the lowest blow he could think of." And I think that's awesome, I think character motivations rooted so deeply in character's relationships and emotions are really fun to read! I also think it's where the stagnation/flatness of his character comes from in certain comics, because if his main motivation is one event in one relationship that passes, and he is not particularly attached to anything in his life or the world by the time that comes to pass, it's a little harder to come up with a direction to go with the character after that, because there isn't much of a direction that aligns with something the character would reasonably want? But I do think solving this by saying "all of the morally-off emotionally driven cruelty he did on his way to spite Batman was actually reflective of his own version of Batman's stance that's exactly the same except he thinks it's GOOD to kill people" isn't ideal. To be fully honest, it seems to me like he never particularly cared one way or the other about killing people to "clean Gotham of crime," he just did everything he could to get the power necessary to pull off his personal plans, and took out any particularly heinous people he encountered along the way (like in Lost Days.) Not to say I think the fact he killed people keeps him up at night anymore than everything else in his life events, I just never really thought he was out there wholeheartedly kneecapping some dude selling weed or random guy robbing a tv store for justice.

Looping wayyy back to my question, Is this (^) contradictory to the way he's written/the overall average perception of the character? Because like I enjoyed his writing in Beast World i have zero significant issue with anything there, I just didn't believe it would be a hot take, like yeah, that is Jason. It's been a while since I've read utrh and lost days, but I don't think my takeaway directly contradicts either of those too bad iirc. Idk all this to say I think Jason killing and being alright with killing is an obvious and objective fact, but i guess i've always seen it as more of a practical tactic than a moral belief, and I think taking the actions made during the lowest points of a character's life where he is obsessively focused on this ONEEEE thing and trying to apply it as a Motivating Stance to everything he's done after that, doesn't really follow logically for me.

[punchliiine]

things i've learned through shifting

i don't know what to post so i thought of posting some stuff that i've learned, improved, and simply practiced through shifting. it's not a lot but it's a lot.

so firstly, i thought of introducing some of my hobbies prior to shifting, and then ones that i've picked up after shifting. and lastly provide any details if needed.

I - hobbies

↳ before shifting

↳ ↳ reading

i've been able to read SO many books in my library wr.

i have a huge list of books that i've put off because of school, but through shifting to my wr, i've been able to finish at least 66 out of 117 i believe?

also i was able to find some of my favorite authors through this, like sylvia plath, mahmoud darwish, virginia woolf, khalil gibran.. and honestly, a lot more, but these are the ones that i remember for now.

↳ ↳ writing

in my native language, i've become REALLY good. as for writing in english it's ?!? but i'm slowly getting there.

not showing off, but i was really good prior to shifting. but now, i've become REALLY good, like now i'm able to touch the soul with my poetry. i also learned some tips for expressing 'my' feelings.

one of them is to think about a phenomenon in nature that resembles how you feel, whether it's by colors, weather, atmosphere, movements.. etc. then write about how each of the elements relate to what you're wishing to express. and ever since i learned that expressing my feelings // painting a scene whilst writing feels so, so much easier.

i guess the same can be used for drawing or painting? so feel free to interpret it in your own ways!

the only reason i emphasized on 'my' feelings was because the things i learnt in there were personal to my learning. before shifting, i had scripted that they would match me and fit me perfectly, so they wouldn't apply to everybody if that makes sense? but if you feel like it fits you, then you're more than welocme to use it!

+ i don't take any sort of credit for it since somebody might've thought of it first, i'm only here to share it!!

↳ ↳ drawing - painting

i was able to experiment freely with color theory, perspective, expressionism, symbolism.. etc. and i was able to find my art style! and practice some others i found interesting.

↳ ↳ editing

nothing to say about this one other than the fact that i was able to experiment with so many styles, and i reallllyyy enjoyed it. i also got to watch some of my old edits that have been deleted. (have been meaning i deleted them) 10/10.

↳ after shifting

↳ ↳ sewing

currently in the process of making a cute pair of opera gloves, idk how to explain it but yk the ones that are pitch black by the finger tips and fade as they go up? those are the ones that i'm attempting to make. and so far it's good!

↳ ↳ crocheting

i've recently made a doll i've found online which looks like little red riding hood, and it's cute. also i'm currently making a chibi jjk cat beanie (sashisu the world!!! ๑ > ᴗ < ๑)

↳ ↳ sculpting

i've sculpted hands, like tons of them. and i've used gojo satoru as a muse for at least 100% of them (i am insane about him)

some appreciation for my muse's hands:

can we talk about the fact that his fingers are 6 inches anyway!!!!!

II - skills

it's worth the mention that i've become skillful in most of my hobbies "it isn't necessary to become skillful in any of your hobbies for plenty of reasons, but i aspire to!" i'd say intermediate in most, advanced in a few.

also idk if it counts as a skill, but i have become skillful in all of my subjects. like i have become amazing in math and physics thanks to my study wr <3

as for other subjects i've always been amazing, but with math and physics, i've had awful teachers teach me crucial information, so i was miserable for a bit, but thankfully not anymore!

i know i could've manifested it since i use loassumption all the time, but i love studying, so i wanted to go through the whole process if that makes sense? like i didn't wanna take the shortcut (manifesting) + there's no shame in wanting to take the shortcut.

as for real skills.. yeaaah not yet

III - languages

i've become better in korean.. i can sort of understand people when they're speaking? but i can't speak nor write. but hey, at least i'm enjoying the proces, that counts for something!

i'm aware that there are some things in here that i could've gone on the internet and just practiced // learnt. BUT the way i did it was different, i went to a wr where i got to learn all about my hobbies, skills, subjects, and languages and practice freely without any sort of stress whatsoever + occasionally recieve tips and advice. and it was all free and unbelievably fun!!!

[mari-the-bimbo]

Bro, you got me OBSESSED with dormmate Sukuna (I read it all in one go)! You're so talented, god fucking dammit I love your writing!

I do have a request though but please feel free to say no if you don't like it, but I'm a thirsty bitch for some angst so could you make a dormmate Sukuna where he gets into an argument with the reader and say some mean stuff in the heat of the moment and she leaves? Like, she takes the car as leves, vanishing without saying another word and he doesn't know if she's okay or anything like that, and you can finish with some fluff idk I just had this idea while taking a shower lmao

Dorm mate Sukuna: the storm brewing

A/N: Is it even a series if I don’t randomly add angst before the confessions? 😼Thank you for the request! Hope you enjoy! <3

“Oh boy” Yuuji sighed as he exited the dorm. He knew the storm was coming, Yuuji already heard the news about Sukuna beating up one of your male friends and as he watched you make your way over to Sukuna, he knew it was best to stay out of the incoming mess.

“- you can’t just beat people up Sukuna, all he did was talk to me”

The tatted, unbothered dorm mate shakes his head. “Everyone knows he’s a fuckboy y/n, it’s not that deep”

“No he’s not Sukuna. And he wasn’t even flirting with me! He was asking about my day because he’s my frie-“

“Aren’t you the one always complaining those college boys annoy you? Shouldn’t you be thanking me?” He asks dryly as he takes a puff of his cigarette tiredly.

“No Sukuna! I won’t thank you for beating up of friend of mine!” You snap.

Sukuna is stunned into silence. Then a crease formed in his eyebrows, why were you getting so defensive? Can you not just have some trust that he did it for a good reason and leave him alone?

But that was the problem. Sukuna himself knew there was no good reason.

Only a bad reason. The reasoning of him wanting to kill any man that looks your way lately. The reason that repressing his romantic feelings for you was starting to consume whatever pieces of sanity he had left.

“Why did you do it?”

Why did he do it? Because he doesn’t know how to process his feelings for you? It confused him, frustrated him and your insistence was only driving him more mad. He needed to be alone and figure it out. Your questions started to sound like a headache.

But he wasn’t the only one going mad. Rage filled your body as you watched your dorm mate ignore you and groan as he rubbed his head instead. It’s almost as if he saw your feelings as irrelevant. If only you knew the real reason.

“Sukuna hello???”

He squeezed his eyes shut trying to cancel out your voice, it’s the last thing he needed right now. God please just stop-

“Sukuna im asking you a question!”

“AND IM ASKING YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!” He roars, throwing his cigarette on the kitchen floor.

Now it was your turn to be stunned into silence.

“YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING WHORE YOU KNOW THAT? I HELP DRIVE THOSE BASTARDS AWAY FROM YOU AND YOU COME BACK CRYING LIKE A BITCH NOW THAT YOU CANT GET THEIR ATTENTION ANYMORE” he screams.

Silence fell upon the room. All that could be heard is Sukuna heavy panting after his string of vile words. Vile words that he knew weren’t true.

You stare at the man in front of you. You don’t see your loving, manly dorm mate who you have feelings for, just a selfish, violent man. And suddenly you realised you didn’t want to be in a room with such a man.

Before you turned away, you saw the instant guilt in his red eyes as he watched a tear fall from your eyes, but it was too late.

“Y/n-“

“Save it”

And those were the last words Sukuna heard from you as you left the dorm without a word.

Sukuna slumped back into the chair in defeat at the sound of the door. What has he done?

Rough fingers pulled his dishevelled pink hair in frustration as his mind flashed pictures of your teary eyes.

Sure, he’s made you cry before, whether it was pulling your hair, or eating your food, but never heartbreak. Never that. He was supposed to be your hero, not the villain. He was tired of being the villain. For once he was just supposed someone’s beloved. But now he ruined that too.

He wasn’t going to look for you, he’s done enough damage already. He always knew he wasn’t good enough for you. Today he proved it.

To think all of this could’ve been prevented if only Sukuna understood love.

[jtl-fics]

I love how you write Ichirou in Math Nerd

Like I just love fics/headcanons where Ichirou is still this dangerous mafia boss but like… isn’t necessarily an antagonist? We didn’t see much of him in the books, and don’t get me wrong he’s definitely a bad person, but he doesn’t seem outright cruel like Riko was, just ruthless, and I like to imagine he has a begrudging soft spot for the loud-mouthed runaway who proved himself to be an annoyingly useful asset. Idk I just think it’s funny (and it keeps me from worrying whether he’ll execute Neil when he can’t play exy anymore)

I always see Ichirou as prizing / valuing competent people. He wants things run cleanly and Neil in Math Nerd AU basically showed up and was like “Hey I’ve got fucking DIRT on some pains in the asses you thought you needed to keep dealing with until your dad dies / they slip up. Hire me.” And does exactly what he says he was going to do.

Neil after he saves Andrew from Drake and maneuvers things so Andrew will grow up somewhere safe he uh… kind of has 0 fear of death? So like he will just clap back at Ichirou and Ichirou kind of enjoys the novelty of it? Its like if he had a little brother or something but with none of the weird family politics.

The fact that Ichirou got to see what a tax return looked like for the first time ever? Yeah he is a lil fond of his accountant. Good thing he’s going to get him into the best accounting program in the- that mother fucker skipped a grade and is on the Kathy Ferdinand show.

[lonelydaydreamsalways]

You, Me, and The Space In Between- Arkham! Verse Jason Todd x female reader?? Oc?? Self insert?? Idk

Authors note!! Thank you guys for all the support you’ve given me, I hope you guys like this ! let me know if I should make this into a series or not!! Also I’m writing the character as female bc I know how to write female characters more than males.

Let me know if you see any grammar or spelling errors!

As always, I don’t own any of the characters in dc!

Enjoy my loves!!

Warnings:

honestly almost cried writing this but it’s so cute!!

Tag list : @cherryinsalemverse @skypperlegacy @poisonblessedwithbeauty @thesandsofelsweyr

Let me know down below if I missed anyone or if you want to be tagged! ❤️

Jason stops, and drops to a crouch next to an all too familiar gargoyle. It’s cracked in places, old and new, and Jason sees how time has withered away at the statue.

Below him, the bustling city continues, blissfully unaware of the future in store. Above, GCPD blimps float out of reach.

It’s just like he remembers.

Goosebumps rise on his arm, feeling a familiar tickle appear. Jason hurries, flipping the armor plating backwards. To watch, as her elegant cursive manifests itself.

It’s a special feature to the Arkham Knight suit he added. An idea which became ingrained in his head so long ago.

Cold feather like strokes bring him back to reality.

Strawberries

Blackberries

Apples

Lemons

Words materialize across his skin. He makes out the first few words. Recognization flashes across his face.

She’s writing a grocery list.

A grin stretches across his face at the mundane task. Reading off the groceries, Jason unconsciously memorizes items which are heavily underlined.

A gloved thumb softly glides over her penmanship.

“Angel…” He whispers to himself, pursing his lips together,” Wait for me, just for a little bit longer.”

Numbers quickly appear soon after. Some are immediately crossed out, replaced by a bigger number. Eventually, when she’s done adding it all up, he leaves the panel as is.

He stares at his arm, incredulously.

For over a year, she wrote to him. Everyday, without fail. Of course, he couldn’t tell when she wrote him, whether it was morning, noon, or night. But, that didn’t matter to him. His days didn’t revolve around the sun or the sky anymore. His life began to revolve around her.

Or, what was left of it, anyway.

Jason’s eyebrows furrowed, and lines appeared on his forehead.

I wonder what she wrote… What she managed to sprawl across her arms, day after day…Was it the same thing everyday? Or something new? How did she not give up on me?

Not once, did Jason Todd ever write back. And, still, she writes to him. Refusing to give up on him when everyone else has.

Jason scoffs, thinking back to his miniscule tenure as a Robin. When random writing and doodles ran wildly among his forearm for him to see.

He ignored them.

He refused to write back.

Jason would wring that fuckers neck If he could.

The adoption had just went through. Training hardly begun when the writing first appeared. Needless to say, Jason kept it to himself. Who knew if Bruce would keep him on this path, if he learned he had a soulmate out there, somewhere, waiting for him.

Jason wasn’t willing to risk that.

Sure, it was extremely comforting to know he wasn’t destined to be alone. But, that wasn’t the universes choice to make. It was his, and his alone.

The universe thought otherwise.

In the beginning, her writing vexed him. The day her writing first showed, Jason was sitting in the Wayne manor kitchen, mid bowl of cereal.

Dropping his spoon, Jason nearly choked. Jason clutched at his forearm, feeling the cool sensation of cursive letters materialize on his skin.

Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear; Where little fears grow great, great love grows there

-William S.

Jason quit squirming. His heart began to pound, and he squinted his eyes.

No way…Jason thought to himself. Is this…what I think it is? A… A soulmate writing? What does that even mean? Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear; Where little fears grow great, great l-

“Master Todd!”

“ Sorry!” Jason yelped, clutching his arm close,” I uh… I just missed my mouth, i uh… I’ll pick it up.”

Giving Jason a curious glance, Alfred sighed before going back to his newspaper.

“See to it that you do, Master Todd.”

That night, Jason searched the manors library to find the source of the quote. Coincidentally, it’s also where he found his passion for Shakespeare, Austen, and many other famous authors.

Days and nights passed before he got used to the little writings which would appear. Even longer, to ignore the urge to squirm around at the ticklish sensation. Constantly, Jason would fumble during training, drop a book he was reading, or clutch his arm and squirm like he was about to piss his pants.

Jason’s pretty sure Alfred had an idea as to what was going on. If he did, though, he didn’t say a word about it to him. Life continued as normal.

Until it didn’t anymore.

After that fateful night, which sealed his fate for over a year, Jason didn’t have the luxury to read what she wrote. Her writing stayed, safe, and painfully unread, under the weakened armor of his Robin uniform.

Honestly, the more he thinks about it, it’s a god damn miracle the psychopathic clown never found out. If he had…She would have been beyond fucked. There wouldn’t even have been a damn thing he could have done about it.

Joker wouldn’t have had just a Robin in his clutch, but a little birdie’s soulmate as well.

The clown would have had a fucking field day.

Clutching the skin of his left forearm, he raises both arms to his chest. He attempts to swallow spit. Borderline hyperventilating, he curls in on himself at the thoughts, feelings, and memories of it all.

He could only close his swollen eyes, to revel in the cold, almost ticklish feeling of her handwriting ghost across his skin. Inside, his heart warmed at her devotion.

The only times he would ever smile throughout his hell in Arkham.

A sigh of relief escapes his pale, chapped lips. In his his bloody, sleep deprived state, he could cry.

The only working bright fluorescent light in the room would cast an almost angelic glow around her. Light hovered atop her wavy brown hair, forming an almost halo.

He could never make out her face, always just a blur to him. That didn’t matter, though. Deep in his bones, Jason just knew it was her.

“You’re here…” Jason whispered, swallowing painfully.

“ I’m always with you, silly.”

The gentle teasing couldn’t help but escape her voice. Jason let out a faint smile at her words

“ I know, I know…” Jason agrees weakly.

“That looks like it hurts. It wasn’t there last time I was here…” She says to him.

His angel reaches her hand to his cheek, and Jason accepts, collapsing in her hand. His cheek, covered in blood, and an all too recent brand mark. The smell of burnt skin clouds the room, and flies are buzzing all around him. The brand, already turned black, with bits of damaged nerves dangling from his cheek. Yellow pus slowly oozes it’s way out.

Jason surrenders himself to her.

“Why don’t you ever write me?” She questions him softly, as butterfly kisses continue down his forearm.

He feels the familiar tingle, resisting the urge to twitch. Faintly, he smiles at her.

“You know I would if I could, Angel.” He barely says to her at last.

“ I don’t,” she starts, a teasing tone taking over her voice,” You never wrote me before…” She trails off, pouting.

“ I know, Angel,” He shudders out, writhing around pathetically in his wheelchair,” Why don’t you tell me what you’re writing?” He begs her.

She giggles at him, kneeling before him. Her wavy hair spills across his thighs and trail down the sides of his wheelchair. Gentle fingers trail up his thigh closest to her, carefully avoiding any bloody barbed wire.

“Now why would I do that?” She answers coyly.

“Because,” Jason starts, sucking in a breath,” Because I should have wrote to you before. And now…Now I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.”

“I wonder,” She starts, tilting her head to the side,” If one soul mate dies, and the other remains, will writing still show on the dead soul mate?”

Jason doesn’t respond, retreating to the murky depths of his mind.

His Angel lets out a small sigh.

“I’m sorry, that was really depressing to think about.”

The fluttering on his forearm stops, then starts again on his other one.

“ What do you want me to write?” She finally questions him, leaning her cheek against his thighs.

Jason lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Anything,” He whines to her, closing his eyes,“Everything.”

Jason keeps his eyes shut, waiting for a response.

“Angel?” He pleads desperately.

Only when the warm, fluttering sensation leaves his forearm do they fly open. He looks to his arm, begging for the ghostly touch of her.

“Angel?” Jason questions, jerking his head in all directions he can,” Where’d you go?”

Silence is his only response.

“Don’t do this to me, too!”He bites his lip, resisting the urge to cry.

“Angel? Please! Please don’t leave me in here alone!”Jason weakly cries out, attempting to raise his hoarse voice.

“Angel?” He quietly begs.

The fluorescent light above him flickers, and cockroaches scatter across the floor beneath him as his only response.

Authors note!

The quote used in the fic was by William Shakespeare, but I don’t remember which work of his.

It turned out shorter than I wanted but oh well. I really liked the idea of him hallucinating about her

Thanks for reading!❤️❤️

[sunshineshobi18]

You Don't Look At Me

words: 4.2k pairing: Joel x female!OC, Ellie x female!OC cw: violence, death, weapons, very much just angst ^^, spoilers for episode 8 summary: Lori had been with Joel longer than he had been with Ellie, but why did it not feel that way. As they continue to travel together, his disregard for her manifests into her hatred towards Ellie.

note: I just finished writing this when I post this. It's my first tlou fic, and I was just excited so this isn't the best, nor is it proofread, but I just felt like I had to get my fic in before the last episode of tlou season 1 airs kdsljjf I hope you still enjoy ^^ ps. I'm used to write for oc's so idk if ppl like that very much since ... x reader fics are pretty popular, I hope u guys don't mind

---

She hated her. Ellie. The girl that had forced herself in their lives. Lori had been with Joel and Tess way before Ellie entered the picture. Way before Joel had started caring about Ellie. Or maybe he always did, but the older grumpy man never wanted to admit it.

Lori was Tess’ girl. Although Joel was the one who was incessant on helping Lori out and taking her in, Tess was the one the then little girl was glued to. They were inseparable in a way. It was tough love, but Tess cared for Lori a lot. She protected her, but she also encouraged Lori to fend for herself. They were almost more like sisters than mother and daughter. They both enjoyed it that way.

And then Lori had to watch Tess die. Not long after that, they found out Bill and Frank were dead as well. All the people that Lori cared for, all the people that cared for Lori and took care of her were gone. Now all she had left was Joel… and Ellie.

It all started a few days ago, when Joel had gotten hurt and the two girls had to drag him to safety. It was quieter than usual. Ellie kept on mumbling words of encouragement and hope at Joel while Lori lifted him as best as she could. By the time they reached the town they would be hiding out at, Joel was pretty much out of it. Ninety-nine percent of his body weight was weighing down on the girls as he couldn’t keep himself up anymore. Lori being the taller of the two girls carried the most weight. Whether Ellie realised this or not was something Lori didn’t want to think about. If she did know, Ellie sure as hell wasn’t doing anything to make the weight lighter on her. But that didn’t matter. Lori just wanted to make sure they got Joel to safety.

The next day, both girls tended to Joel’s needs, though not sure of what those were. With his bit of strength Joel had muttered for Ellie and Lori to leave, which they refused to do. Or at least Elli refused. Lori was too focused on the way Joel was only looking at Ellie. He didn’t spare Lori a glance, so she didn’t bother responding to his commands. It’s not like he would see her shake her head anyway.

To rationalise Joel’s behaviour, Lori made herself believe that the reason he would only look at Ellie was because she was the younger of the two girls. Ellie was strong physically, but she needed assurance emotionally. That’s why Joel would only zero in on Ellie, because she needed it. Not because he cared more about her than he cared about Lori.

And then he looked at Lori. Lori was surprised to see Joel’s eyes trained in on hers so intensely that she instinctively moved closer to Joel. “Go to Tommy—”

“Why should I go?” Lori felt her chest contract and tried to hide the quiver in her voice.

“Ellie will stay with me. You can go get help.” His voice didn’t hold nearly the same softness as it did when he spoke to Ellie. “Ellie can take care of me.”

Lori, rather childishly, shook her head from side to side as she stood up. “I’m not letting you send me away. If she’s staying, then so am I.” With a swing, Lori turned around and headed up the stairs to keep watch on their surroundings. She needed a few minutes to calm down before she’d be able to face the two again.

By the time Lori came back, Ellie had already patched Joel up with a dirty needle, which caused an infection. They were sure of it, but they rather have him with an infection than dead.

“I’ll go hunting—”

Lori jumped up from her sitting position against the wall as she watched Ellie reach out for Joel’s rifle. “What do you think you’re doing?” Lori’s voice trembled from not having spoken much in the last few days.

Ellie sighed and pulled the strap of the rifle over her shoulder. “We’re running out of food. If we have to stay here for a while, I think it’s better we don’t starve.” It was clear Ellie tried not to sound scared, but it was written all over her. Lori might not have liked the girl, but she spent enough time with her to figure out these things. “I’ll be back,” she whispered and ran upstairs with the rifle that was too big and too heavy for her.

Hours had passed with no sight of Ellie coming back yet, but eventually she did. Her face was red and her hands were slightly shaking as she announced she got medicine for Joel. Lori watched as Ellie injected the needle in Joel’s flesh, still not having asked where the penicillin came from. She decided not to ask her, too focused on Joel getting better.

Despite their differences, Ellie and Lori had something in common: they both needed Joel. They were both naive kids who hoped that the shot of penicillin would magically heal the person they both relied on, but he stayed unmoving on the mattress on the floor.

“How long do you think this shit will take to start working?” Ellie asked and Lori only answered with a quick shrug. In any other situation Lori would’ve answered like that to brush Ellie off, to end their conversations as quickly as they started, but right now Lori was just as clueless as Ellie. She was so focused on micro analysing each movement of Joel’s body and facial expressions, that she didn’t feel like talking. “I hope soon.”

“Me too.” Ellie’s eyes widened as she heard Lori speak in that soft voice she only heard a few times before. She overheard Joel and Lori talk about Tess a few nights after they had left her in that building to die with those infected. Lori’s voice suppressed pain and sadness, just as it did when she told Joel that she lost her second chance for a family when Tess died. Joel hadn’t answered Lori that night and Ellie knew that hurt Lori because it hurt her too. After that night Lori changed into the closed off, stoic person she was now. A big change to the playful yet rough girl she used to be with Tess around.

 “I’m sorry,” Ellie spoke softly in the quietness of the basement. Lori hesitantly looked up before asking Ellie what she was sorry for. “Everything…

“For Tess mostly—”

“Joel told you not to mention her,” Lori chastised her.

At the sudden outburst Ellie sighed and rolled her eyes. She dropped the wet shirt she was using to wipe Joel’s sweat off and looked at Lori. “He’s not even able to talk right now,” she motioned at the man they were sitting on each side of. Joel hadn’t moved much in a while, he was probably fully asleep. “You have the right to talk about her as much as you want. She was someone special to you too!”

Ellie didn’t mean to get upset, but she couldn’t help herself. She knew the reason Lori was so closed off was because she never got to talk—never got to grieve—over the loss of Tess. Maybe her outburst came from a selfish place. A place where she wished Lori was nicer to her or at least talk to her willingly and she knew that could only happen if Lori was able to grieve.

Lori stood up slowly with a nod. “You are right about that. She was someone special to me. And now she’s dead, so there’s no reason to talk about her. Tess is in the past.”

Before the older of the two girls could run away again—run away from her emotions—Ellie stood up as well. “The medicine,” she suddenly said, causing Lori to turn back at her. “The medicine, I got it from two men. They have a village.”

“What?” Lori whispered, not sure whether to be angry that Ellie hid such a potential danger and important detail or hope that they could maybe get some help. “Who? Where? Did they do or say something to you?”

Lori was all up in Ellie’s face, but it wasn’t in a threatening manner. She was silently looking Ellie over for injuries, determined to take care of Ellie since Joel wasn’t able to. It was a natural instinct, because she would never willingly take care of her like that.

“I’m… fine, but we aren’t,” Ellie told her with a look of shame, her head tilted down. “They were from the group of men that attacked us and hurt Joel. I’m afraid they’ll come after us.”

A loud groan came from Lori as she threw her head back. She yelled at Ellie, “of course they’ll come for us!”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know, but they gave us medicine and—this can fucking heal Joel!”

Lori shook her head in disbelief, took a few breaths before placing her hands on Ellie’s shoulders. “Listen here. They’ll probably come for us either tonight or tomorrow morning. You’ll stay with Joel and I’ll be upstairs on the lookout. If anything happens, we’ll board up the basement, you’ll take a horse to one side of the town and I’ll stay back as long as possible to take out anyone coming for Joel. If they are gone I’ll take the other horse and come for you.”

Ellie looked at Lori with wide eyes, the dread now finally settling in. Lori’s plan didn’t sound very convincing, but all Ellie could do was nod her head. There was something about how the older girl talked, so sure about herself even though she probably had no idea what she was talking about, that had Ellie agreeing to her. At that moment she saw a mixture of Tess and Joel in Lori. She felt the leadership and determination that Tess held radiating from Lori and at the same time the comfort she found in Joel was also present. It was weird, but with no one else to rely on—and partly not trusting herself—Ellie was going to blindly follow Lori.

And then it happened, the next day a group of men came to the house. Lori and Ellie followed the procedure Lori established, leaving Joel with a knife to fend for himself—just in case.

Ellie had been long gone, at this point, and Lori decided not to think about the gunshot and the crying horse sound she heard from the side of the town Ellie had left to. No, at that moment, Lori had her eyes focused on one man that was searching one of the houses. She snuck up on him, making sure no one was behind her before kicking the man in his lower back, sending him to the floor. She was about to plunge her knife in his upper back when the man whipped around onto his back and swung the blunt end of his pistol against her face. Ignoring the blood that flowed from her mouth, Lori kicked the man in his lower stomach and inched away from him towards her knife.

“You little bitch,” he spat and tried to get a grip on his gun before she dove at him and he fell back onto his rear. Lori quickly pushed him back by the shoulders causing his head to hit the floorboards with an unhealthy thud. The man had no time to grab his gun or push the girl away, when, through his blurred vision, he saw something move towards him. Lori had plunged her knife in his chest twice before standing up and kicking him against his head. When he stopped moving Lori pulled her knife from his chest and looted his body for his gun and some ammunition.

Lori spent an hour looking around the town, finding no one else before rushing back to the house she and her two travel partners had occupied for a day or two.

Dread set in when she found that the cabinet that blocked the basement door had been moved. “Joel—” she caught herself before she was yelling too loudly. Carefully she moved down the stairs, only for her blood to run cold at the scene. She found a man dead on the floor, close to where Joel had been sleeping, but there was no sign of Joel. Quickly she ran out, scouring the surroundings for Joel, not caring if she was quiet or not, only to find that he and their second—and last—horse was gone. It caused her a bit of relief, because she could conclude he was probably the one that took the horse, but still she was nervous.

Her nervousness was substantiated when someone came up from behind her and pulled her back with a hand covering her mouth. She felt the dull end of a knife carve a small slit on the side of her neck, just sharp enough to cause a shallow cut in her skin. Desperately Lori kicked and punched her limbs back to throw the person off her back. As she looked back, she found a wounded man looking at her with fear filled eyes.

“Where are they?” Lori spoke in a low voice. The man held his hands up and tried to push himself back with his feet. Lori hadn’t even realised she was holding the man’s friend’s gun at him. “The girl and the man your idiot friends almost killed. WHERE ARE THEY!” Lori yelled, pushing the gun closer to the man.

“I don’t—”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know! Where do you guys live?” she screamed again this time placing the gun right on his forehead.

The man flinched, blood and tears mixing on his cheeks as he let out a watery mumble of their village’s name. Lori kneeled down on his stomach and got close to them, demanding directions to the place. “T-That way. Just go straight that way and eventually you’ll see a bunch of buildings behind that forest. I’m sure you’ll still be able to see your friend’s footsteps in the snow.”

As she stood up, Lori hit the man in the face with the gun, enough to make him sputter out some more blood. He probably wouldn’t die of his injuries, but lying in the snow would definitely not help him recover.

By the time Lori had stumbled her way to the village, things had already gone to shit. She could see smoke coming from a building and although that was every reason not to be near it, Lori’s instinct told her to go there. She stumbled closer, feeling her eyes get heavier and feet get slower.

“HEY! What are you doing here?” Lori could barely turn to her left when a brawny man approached her.

“Stay away from me,” she hissed, but her words didn’t come out nearly as threatening as she wanted to. The girl reached for the gun that she had holstered underneath her belt, her fingers fidgeting and shaking trying to get a firm grasp on it.

“Aren’t you the little girl with those other two?” His voice almost sounded amused as he approached her. “I wouldn’t go for that gun if I were you.” Lori didn’t listen and continued to reach for the gun. “This is not going to end well for you, darling,” he told her as he closed the distance.

“FUCK YOU!” She yelled before pointing the gun at him and pulling the trigger. She looked up to find the man still standing, both their eyes widening, before the man’s lips turned into a cruel smirk.

“You done fucked up, darling,” he laughed before grabbing Lori by her hand and pulling her close. She screamed and kicked as he plunged a knife into her side, missing her stomach but still hitting her deep and painfully. “It’s better if you stop fighting—”

A gunshot resounded as the man fell to the floor, collapsing partly onto Lori. He coughed up blood for a good minute or two before his movement stopped completely. Lori looked back down at her gun that had failed her at first, but showed her mercy at last. Though the knife in her side wasn’t pleasant, she was happy she didn’t end up dead.

A few moments passed before she refocused her eyes on the burning building. The flames had grown more terrifying, but Lori continued to crawl towards it, leaving a trail of blood behind.

Suddenly the door to the building opened, revealing a staggering Ellie, seemingly out of it as she walked away from the building. Lori yelled out for her, but her voice didn’t seem to reach the other girl. Giving up on trying to call for her attention, Lori continued crawling.

“GET OFF OF ME!” Lori didn’t realise she wasn’t looking until she heard Ellie’s screams.

“It’s me. Look! It’s me. It’s me.” Joel was there. He was alive and he was taking care of Ellie, who was also alive. The two mumbled words at each other that Lori couldn’t hear from where she was laying on the snow, but she knew Joel was comforting Ellie. The two embraced each other, completely shutting out the rest of the world.

Lori watched as the two got up. Joel gave Ellie his jacket, making sure she was completely covered. “L-Lori—” Ellie’s voice was breaking, stuttering over the name, but Lori heard it—barely.

“She’ll be fine, she’s strong, she’s fine,” Joel comforted Ellie mindlessly. Speaking like the words meant nothing to him.

Lori hated her. Ellie. She hated her for meaning everything to Joel. Even if she was so close, Joel never saw her when Ellie was around. Just like now. Because his eyes could only focus on Ellie, his mind was always wandering to Ellie and if she was okay and if she would be okay. Lori was Tess’ responsibility, but Tess wasn’t here anymore and Joel seemed to forget about that.

“I’m here,” Lori choked, trying to stand up. “I’m here,” she tried to yell louder as Joel and Ellie started to move away. “I’m here!” With a shrill squeak she fell back down in the snow. The sound caused enough noise for Joel and Ellie to turn around and spot her.

“Lori,” Joel stared in disbelief for a few moments before following Ellie towards the girl. “How did you—”

Ellie pushed Lori on her back, noticing the knife in her side and the wounds on her face and neck. “Joel?” She turned to look at Joel with questioning eyes. “What do we do?”

Joel felt overwhelmed. He was sure Lori had died, not questioning why he thought that way. “I don’t know…”

“Do something goddamnit!” Ellie yelled looking at Joel for help. She was pulled back in time to only a day or two ago when it was Joel on the floor and her and Lori sitting on each side of him. Back then Lori had taken the lead, telling her to help Joel onto the horse, then dragging him all the way to their little safe house. Now, expecting a grown man to know what he was doing, Ellie felt more helpless.

Lori’s wounds were less severe, but she wasn’t as strong as Joel, at least not physically. “You don’t have to take me with you,” Lori mumbled.

“What?” Ellie felt helpless all over again and reached for Lori’s hand.

“Just don’t let me die in the snow, it’s so cold here.”

Ellie took matters in her own hands as she pulled Lori to her feet, supporting the girl with an arm around her waist. “I’m not letting you die at all,” she shook her head and started walking, but only a few steps in, Lori fell back to the floor.

It was then that Ellie realised how Lori hadn’t slept in a few days, always taking watch so that Ellie could take care of Joel. She realised Lori had walked all the way to the village, because Joel and Ellie had taken the two horses they had. She realised that Lori didn’t want to fight to survive.

“Please Lori, we can’t lose you, okay?”

Seeing Ellie’s watery smile as she tried to give Lori some strength, Joel finally stood up and put Lori back on her feet.

Lori was clinging on to him, she’d like to admit it was just because she needed the support, but if she were honest, it was because she needed him. She wanted his touch, to feel the love he had for his daughter at one point, and the love he now had for Ellie.

Once stabilised, Lori rested her head on Joel’s shoulder and looked up at him. “Do you think Tess would be proud of me?” Joel looked down at the girl before scoffing.

“Don’t you fucking do that. Don’t talk like you’re giving up,” he mumbled and turned away his gaze from her. He started walking, practically dragging Lori around, with Ellie on the other side of the injured girl.

“Why do you care,” Lori said while her words became more slurred and unintelligible. “It’s not like you ever look at me. Just like now. Just like earlier, when I was only a few feet away from you and if I didn’t yell out you’d leave me dead out there anyway.”

It was quiet until the three had found shelter for the time being. Joel was crouched down in front of Lori—no eye contact—as he tended to her wound. He didn’t really know what he was doing either, but he clearly was more skilled than Ellie and Lori when they tried to take care of him.

“So… Tess—”

“If you’re thinking about joining her, then fucking think again.” It was almost a threat that was being hissed through his teeth.

“I don’t get why you suddenly care so—”

“I always fucking cared, Lori! Joel stood up and eyed her with desperation. “I’ve cared, before Tess died, I care after she died. I never stopped.”

Lori looked down at her lap, the bloody gauzes still soaking up the blood of a cut in her leg she doesn’t remember getting. “It doesn’t feel like it, that’s for sure.”

“You want to know why?” Lori looked up, nodding her head hesitantly in response. “Because you remind me too goddamn much of Tess. And I failed her and you when I couldn’t protect her and now I’m failing her again if you die and I can’t live with myself if I let that happen.”

Lori felt tears prickle in her eyes when she finally heard the truth, but she didn’t want to show him that. “That’s a very selfish way of looking at it.”

“I know,” Joel sighed, falling back on his knees in front of the girl. He placed both his hands on her knees, one of his hands inching towards Lori’s hand that was resting a bit higher on her lap. “I—” He looked at Ellie, making sure she was still asleep before looking back at Lori. He leaned in a bit more to make sure she looked him in the eyes as he confessed the full truth. “Despite how I act, I’m a scared man. I don’t want to lose you like I— like we lost Tess. And I know pushing myself away from you isn’t doing any more good than it does harm, but I just want to believe that if something ever happened to you, it would hurt less if I didn’t let you get close.”

It was quiet for a while before Lori spoke, “you’re an asshole.”

Joel chuckled slightly, but nodded at the words. “You’re right. I am and I'm sorry. I wish I did everything differently. Just, don’t ever think I don’t care, because I do. I care so much.” He leaned up to hold her face in his hands. “So much.”

“Then why Ellie and not me? Why do you take care of her and not me?”

Joel sighed once again. “Because I’m an idiot. I know you’re scared too, but I can see it in her eyes and I can’t see it in yours. She didn’t have anyone else before this, but you lost so many people… I’m sorry Lori. I don’t know.”

The two searched each other's eyes for answers to questions they didn’t even know they had. Sitting there, for the first time really acknowledging each other and each other’s fears.

“It’s okay,” Lori finally spoke. “Once we get back to Jackson— if I get back to Jackson, I will leave you alone.”

“Lori you don’t have to do that—”

“No, it’s fine. If you continue to search for the fireflies for Ellie or whatever you plan on doing next, I’ll leave you alone.”

“Lori, please—”

Lori gulped down a sob and shook her head from side to side. “It’s okay, Joel. I’ll be safe in Jackson, so you don’t have to worry. I won’t die there. And who knows. I’ll be 18 in a few years,” she chuckled painfully. “Maybe I’ll find someone who really loves and cares for me.”

Joel pressed his eyes closed, suppressing the tears that were threatening to spill and leaned his forehead atop of Lori’s knees. He nodded his head hesitantly.

“If that’s what you want.”

[batsandgore]

Hello !

Glad to see a new DL blog ! Would you be willing to write platonic headcanons ? I'm such a sucker for the Sakamaki with a little sister.

Hope you'll get plenty of fun requests ! Take care !

Hi!! Of course I can! There's not enough plationic DiaLovers content out there, to be honest. This one is for all you platonic enjoyers! You take care also <3

The Sakamakis with a little sister...

Shu Sakamaki:

He's the eldest, but let's be honest, he doesn't act like it in the slightest. He won't take responsibility for his little sister or pay attention to her anymore than he would to the rest of his younger siblings.

If she's quiet or similar to Subaru, he'd like her more than the rest (we all know Subaru is his favourite).

If his sister has any plushies or soft decorations in her room, she may find some missing. They're now acting as his pillow which isn't a bad fate at all tbh-.

If she's ever interested in learning a new language, she comes to him. Shu canonically knows Latin. If his sister catches him in a good enough mood, he'd be willing to teach her a few basics.

Consider him the watchful older sibling. He keeps an eye on all the goings on in the house, but unless it's extremely serious, he's very unlikely to intervein.

Reiji Sakamaki:

Whether you're his sister or otherwise, Reiji expects order and compliance.

Expect Reiji to be drilling in womanly values and etiquette into his little sister. As the older brother here, he feels as though it's his responsibility to have her raised properly (considering Shu is too lazy and Karlheinz is just... off the face of the earth idk where bro is).

Another Sakamaki who canonically knows another language - German. He's much more likely to teach his little sister than Shu would be. He'd be happy about how inquisitive she would be.

Would definitely brew potions specifically tailored to her if she ever falls ill or something happens that requires medical intervention. He's the unofficial nurse of the Sakamaki household at this point.

If she's lucky enough, he'd invite her into his lab room to have tea with him if he requires downtime.

Ayato Sakamaki:

He enjoys having siblings probably the most out of all the Sakamakis, except for Reiji.

He'd try and persuade his sister to get into one of the school sports teams. But what if she's not a sports person? When there's a will, there's a way. Ayato is very persistent.

Constant sibling bickering. And I mean constant. Especially at the monthly dinner parties. Reiji is like a tired mother of six, having to manage these two at the dinner table.

Has her make takoyaki for him constantly. It's his favourite food, after all. Low-key treats her like his personal chef at times.

Usually, he uses his sister as a meat shield if he's the brunt of one of Kanatos tantrums.

Kanato Sakamaki:

Kanato would love a little sister. He constantly has someone around him that he can treat as a doll, unlike the sacrificial brides which come and go quicker than day and night.

He'd love her if she wore lolita outfits. Big dresses that fall down to the ankles with a puffed out waistline that encompassed her legs on the way down.

This would probably be thanks to Reiji reinforcing those womanly values and dresscodes, but Kanato wouldn't complain or bat an eye at this. It benefits him greatly.

Would invite her to the room where he keeps all the dead brides on display. He'd maintain them with her and even ask for clothing advice for them. Sibling bonding!

If his sister bakes, he'd certainly taste test them for her. For her sake, though, let's hope she does a good job.

Laito Sakamaki:

A sister would be nice entertainment for him... in the sadistic sense. Laito loves psychologically messing with people, even his own family. And especially women.

He'd fuck with her in little ways though, not to the extremes he usually goes to with his brides or victims.

Oh? Is your journal missing? No, Laito didn't touch it! Somehow, he knows all the secrets you had in there now and teases you with them weeks later. Strange...

He'd play pool and darts with her. Card games, too! He loves those types of games. They give him a chance to relax, and they need at least two players after all!

Would ask her to help lure unsuspecting victims in to drink their blood, sharing their blood with her as a reward for helping out. She's typically more trusted as a woman, and he happily uses this to his advantage.

Subaru Sakamaki:

A fairly distant brother, honestly. Although, given she's the youngest after him, he has a closer bond with her compared to the rest of the brothers.

He takes care of her from the sidelines. He always watches out for trouble on her behalf, even if he doesn't admit that he does this for her.

Secretly, he revels in the fact he has someone younger in the family. It means he can look out for and protect them, something he couldn't do for his mother.

If she has an interest in flowers, Subaru will walk through the gardens of the Manor with her from time to time, explaining the flowers and their meanings.

Gifts her a knife, similarly to how he did with Yui. He wants her to be protected, even when he's not there.