#if anyone has any advice about symptoms what could be happening to me or

[fulgurbugs]

sorry this is gonna be a tmi and gross period post but idk what to do anymore so i’m gonna vent online

ok so my periods are famously inconsistent and unpredictable. most recently what ended up happening was i missed mine for like, months before it came back with a vengeance and i had one that lasted over a month long. this one was also extremely heavy towards the end, as well as like. idk how to describe this. very fleshy. chunky. however there were no cramps or pain associated with it, mostly just i was spending a fortune on pads and tampons (i had to double up to be safe) while this was ongoing i attempted to look for a gyno in my area, but i would only be able to get an appointment after i moved back to college with at minimum a few weeks wait. so i ended up not making an appointment because it was starting to wind down and i ended up getting super busy with school starting again. i still brought it up to my doctor before this and eventually had an appointment where i managed to sneak in on a weekend i could come home with my gp where she prescribed pill birth control which i started taking as directed not very long ago. but, a few days after i started taking it my period started again, extremely heavy, and this time, painful. it’s been about 4 days of extremely heavy blood flow and cramps, and i haven’t been able to focus on my school at all or go anywhere, i just want to lie in bed and rot. im bleeding through supers in under an hour, and i don’t know what to do. i’ve contacted my doctor and should hopefully hear back from her in a few days. but i’m so scared that something more is wrong or that this one will also last over a month like the last one.

do any other accursed uterus havers have a similar experience and any idea what’s wrong with me? or what i should do? if this one goes over a week i’m going to seek more urgent medical attention. i’ve heard suggested from people i know that it could potentially be endometriosis or a cyst so if anyone whos following me has some firsthand experience please let me know, im having a really rough time right now. sorry for the tmi and all but im so extremely uncomfortable and losing my mind and need help

[wsoc-gay]

World Cup Results II

Part 1

Ona Batlle x Reader

Summary: The beginning of Ona's Pregnancy

A/N: At least one more part to this of the pregnancy, might continue it after the baby too. But if anyone has a request please feel free to put it in my asks! I work much better and faster with ideas. I'm open to writing anything, smut, fluff, angst, kid fics, just let me know what you want to read!

You and Ona couldn’t be more excited on the drive home from the clinic. Neither of you could wipe the smiles off your faces as your hands were held together and rested in your girlfriend’s lap. The entire ride home was full of loving sentiments exchanged to one another and plenty of blushes being spread across faces. 

Arriving home began your new train in following the advice from the doctor as closely as possible as well as going a bit overboard. Your girlfriend was starting to get annoyed with you, but even she would admit it was sweet how caring you were. Ona never opened her car door, never lifted anything too heavy, didn’t carry her bags to training, and you hardly let her do household chores. Every night for dinner you cooked a meal full of all the proper nutrients the doctors had advised eating and made sure to buy Ona only the best prenatal vitamins.

You both had agreed to not tell your teammates until you reached the 15-week mark, until then Ona didn’t have to alter her trainings and could still play in games. You had let the coaching staff and medical staff know as soon as you found out so they could monitor the Spaniard closer, but as of now you wanted to keep it on a need-to-know basis.  

It was around the 8-week mark, right after the first ultrasound, that some of your teammates began to catch on that something was happening. Any slight bump or tackle Ona took during training led to you sprinting to be by her side checking up on her. The brunette found it sweet but needed you to let up a little bit before they had to tell your team sooner than expected. 

Your worries weren’t without their reason, the chance of miscarriage was drastically higher through IVF and until Ona was outside her first trimester you had every right to worry. The days leading up to your 8-week scan were some of the most stressful days in your recent memory. You and Ona both were worried sick about having the scan show that you had lost your baby.

Ona was more stressed than you were due to her late-night research of her symptoms which often times resulted in her reading many horror stories of parents going to the first ultrasound and finding no heartbeat. The internet on top of her raging hormones led to many tearful nights where you tried to alleviate her fears but knew that the only thing to help the brunette’s anxiety would be seeing your baby. 

Thankfully one day after training the two of you were able to go to the clinic for the scan and see your baby for the first time. Tears immediately came to both of your eyes as the doctor told you your baby was not only alive, but healthy and thriving inside your girlfriend. You weren’t one to cry, but Ona made a comment that she thinks you’ll be a mess at every ultrasound, and you couldn’t help, but agree. There was something about seeing your baby on that screen that made everything seem more real. Therefore, the attentiveness only got worse.

Your English teammates were the first to confront you about your recent behavior. The pair was sat alone at a table during lunch when Lucy pulled you into a seat, “What’s wrong with you?”

You gave the older woman a confused look, “What the hell do you mean?”

Kiera slapped Lucy’s arm and muttered something you couldn’t quite make out under her breath. She looked over to you, “What Lucy meant to say,” She sent the brunette defender a glare, “Is that you’ve been acting a bit different during training recently.”

You truly hadn’t caught onto what they were referring to yet and raised an eyebrow at the pair, “Is this your guy’s subtle way of telling me I’ve been playing badly?”

Lucy slapped the back of your head and groaned, “No you idiot,” You slapped her right back, “Every time someone so much as touches Ona you act like she got shot.” Lucy slapped you again, “And you’re always watching her like a hawk,” You slapped her back.

Kiera grabbed her arm before she could retaliate, “Would you two stop acting like children already.”

This wasn’t surprising behavior for you and the outside back, ever since you arrived at Barcelona the two of you grew much closer. Lucy helped you a lot to settle into the team and lifestyle of Spain, so overtime you grew a lot closer. Hence, why she was one of the first ones to notice a change in your behavior.

You suddenly realized what they were referring too and tried to hide it best you could, “I’m not acting any different, I always worry about her.”

Lucy gave you a dumbfounded look, “Yeah, but this is even pushing it for you,” She began to dramatically mimic you, “Oh my love, Ona, someone leaned on you during our full contact sport, and job, are you sure you’re going to survive this,” She leaned back with an arm laid against her forehead dramatically. 

You started slapping the older brunette again, “Oh shut up, I am not acting like that.”

Kiera sighed and pushed the two of you apart, “Would you two seriously stop it,” she looked at Lucy, “Luce stop being dramatic,” and then turned to face you, “You’re not acting like whatever the hell that display was, but you are acting extra protective over her.”

You ultimately made up some excuse about Ona having reinflamed her ankle and that you wanted to make sure she didn’t seriously injure it again. The pair of English women didn’t seem to believe your excuse, but let you go on your way.

On the ride home you had told you told Ona about the confrontation with Lucy and Kiera which she followed up by agreeing that you needed to tone down the protectiveness and worrying. She had begun to notice it too and believed it was sweet but agreed that it was about to get out of hand and was only a matter of time before more of your teammates began to catch on. 

---

It was a couple weeks later, around the 12-week mark, when Ona was quieter than usual after training. The car ride home was nearly silent, but you didn’t mention it and assumed she was just tired. As the pregnancy progressed Ona was starting to become increasingly more tired throughout the day, so you assumed that alongside the hard training today was the cause for her quietness. 

It wasn’t until a little later when you walked into the living room and found the Spaniard sitting on the couch with her head in her hands that you finally asked, “Is something wrong babe? Are you not feeling well?”

Her head remained in her hands as she softly muttered out, “I need to tell you something.”

You quickly sat down next to her with you hand on her thigh and concern lacing your voice, “Is it the baby? Do we need to call the doctor?”

She quickly sat back and leaned against the couch quickly alleviating your worries, “No, no the baby is fine. It’s just, es posible que accidentalmente le haya contado a Aitana sobre el bebé.” She had rushed out the last sentence in Spanish making it difficult for you to understand.

“Slower, por favor, you know my Spanish isn’t good when you talk fast.”

“I accidentally told Aitana about the baby today,” Feeling increasingly guilty she began to ramble, “I know we didn’t want to tell people about the baby this early, but she cornered me and you know I’m bad at keeping things to myself when someone asks and it just slipped out. I am so sorry mi amor.”

You chuckled at her rambling but let out a sigh of relief knowing this was the cause to Ona’s mood shift and not something more serious. Ona and Aitana had always been close, growing up playing for the academy together and since Ona returned to Barca they became even closer, so part of you was more surprised it took this long for her to find out. The outside back also was known for being bad at keeping secrets. Anytime someone would ask her about something she wasn’t supposed to talk about she would begin rambling making it obvious that she was hiding something and would usually end up saying it anyways.

You dropped back to lean against the couch and moved your hand from her knee onto her, hardly noticeable, bump, “Oh thank god, you had me worried, love.”

Ona covered your hand with hers, “There is nothing to worry about, I’m sorry she found out.”

The outside back when onto explain that Aitana had cornered her in the locker room after training when the rest of the team had already filed out. Instead of the usual comments which were about how protective you had become, Aitana had brought up how happy the two of you had seemed and that you were touchier than usual. She also had picked up on Ona subtly rubbing her stomach and your hand grazing over it after you would hug. She had straight up asked Ona if she was pregnant, and there was no escaping it from there, your girlfriend didn’t know how to lie.

“And you know I can’t lie, amor, she caught me so off guard and I must’ve taken too long to try and come up with an excuse, but she just pulled me into a hug saying how happy she was for us.”

You laughed again, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to pull the smaller girl into your side, “I’m more surprised you lasted this long without everyone finding out.”

Ona rubbed a hand over her stomach instinctively, “As long as everyone keeps bringing it up to you instead of me, we should be okay, there’s only three weeks until I can’t play in matches anymore and then we’ll have to tell them.”

You looked down to her face as you smoke softly, “We can tell the team now if you want, you’re out of the first trimester, we just saw the baby, and everything is healthy, there’s no big reason to keep it from them anymore.”

“No, no, I like just keeping it to ourselves. Our own little bubble outside of football for now,” she leaned up to connect your lips softly and full of love.

---

Aitana did much better of a job keeping the secret to herself than you originally expected. The midfielder took her job as being the best friend and only teammate who knew very seriously. Anytime your teammates would begin on the topic when she was around, she would quickly shush their comments and would back any lie you made up to cover your secret. 

You and Ona were grateful for her efforts, but in a way, it only increased your other teammates suspicions. You also were now partially convinced much of the team actually already knew what was going on. As the last two weeks have gone by Mapi, Ingrid, and Alexia had completely stopped asking anything about the topic. Originally Mapi had been one of the most vocal players about finding out what was going on, but now had completely stopped in her efforts. 

The truth was Ingrid, being the observant and caring teammate and friend that she was, had picked up on the same signals Aitana had. She obviously told Mapi about her suspicions who then confided in Alexia about them. Therefore, they came up with a plan to get the two of you to admit it to them. 

It was after the last game of the season before the Christmas break that Alexia decided the team would go to a club to celebrate before everyone left to their respective homes. You and Ona were going to see your family in England for the break, so you tried to get the two of you out of going by saying that you had to finish packing before your flight. Alexia wasn’t taking this as an answer and needed the both of you there to try and get an admittance from you, therefore, said it was required team bonding and you had to be there. The original plan was for Alexia and Mapi to call Ona out on not drinking and essentially for her to expose the pregnancy, but this plan was quickly stopped when the two of you entered the bar, keys in Ona’s hands, clearly having drove the two of you there. Anytime she was asked about a drink it was easy for her to say she was driving that night, plus she didn’t have to lie so there was no worries about her slipping up.

Alexia and Mapi were still trying to come up with a new plan when, surprisingly, you were the one to let it slip.

You were sitting at a table with many of your teammates while Ona was dancing with Aitana, Patri, Claudia, and Cata when a guy walked up behind Ona and placed his hands on her hips. You were on your feet and dragging the man off her before she had the chance to pull away.

The man turned around to be face to face with the hands that had just pulled him off the girl he was obviously interested in, “What the fuck do you want?”

You stood tall with your chest puffed and harshly spoke, “I want you to get your hands off my girlfriend.”

He scoffed, “Girlfriend? Sorry bud, I don’t think she’s the girlfriend type.”

You laughed, “Sorry, bud, but I’m the one she’s woken up next to for the past 8 years so I think I might know her a bit better than you.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t see you anywhere until after I came over so looks like I’ve beat you to it.”

“Oh, fuck no,” You tried to shove past him to get to Ona, but he moved to block your path.

“Why don’t you prove it to me then?” By now a decent amount of your teammates had noticed what was going on and began to come over to help deal with the man.

This sent you over the edge, it might’ve partially been at fault to the alcohol you had that night, and you being a little more than drunk already. But with one big push to his shoulder you announced, “I think the fact that she’s pregnant with my baby proves enough,” this left him shocked and gave you enough time to walk over to Ona with your back turned to the man and place a hand on the side of her face, “Are you alright, love?” Most of your teammates were now standing around you with their jaws hanging open clearly in shock.

The man clearly wasn’t over the embarrassment yet, as he pulled your shoulder back to face him and landed a hook across your cheek, you threw one right back getting him across the nose before security was dragging him away just as Lucy was doing the same to you. You looked back to find Ona and saw Alexia standing in front of her having clearly dragged her back and away from you and the man, likely assuming the altercation may escalate and after your confirmation didn’t want the Spaniard anywhere near the potential of a fight.

After clearing some things with the security guards, they let you stay and Lucy was dragging you over to the table many of your teammates had gone to sit at, the rest following close behind you. 

Ona slid into the booth next to you with a bag of ice in her hand, and reaching up with her free hand to grab your chin and turn your head to assess the damage, “Are you okay? You know I hate it when you do that.”

You were waving your arm dramatically, clearly still affected by the alcohol in your system, “He wanted to take you home I was protecting you both.”

She had a soft smile and pressed the bag of ice to your cheek, which you took over holding against your face, “I know you were, but you could’ve gotten hurt a lot worse.”

“I don’t care,” You leaned closer to whisper in her ear, clearly having forgotten you had already spilled your secret, “You’re carrying precious cargo, Baby Mami.”

Ona chuckled and patted your thigh, “No point in whispering now, amor, you already announced it.”

You turned to see the rest of your team giving you both dumbfounded and shocked looks, but Alexia, Aitana, Mapi, and Ingrid just smirking to themselves.

Alexia was the first to speak up from across the table, “So, you two are having a baby?”

You moved your free hand to rest on your girlfriend’s stomach and smiled as Ona replied, “Yep, baby y/l/n-Batlle is due in May. We were going to tell you all after the break, but tonight was my last match for the season, I’m about to be fifteen weeks, so no more matches.”

You were met with a lot of congratulations from your teammates when Lucy finally connected the dots and pointed at you, “So this is why you’ve been so unbearably protective over her recently.”

You defended yourself, “She’s carrying precious cargo, that’s the future best player in the world in there,” You patted her small bump, and the brunette covered your hand with hers.

This caused a smile to breakout on Ona’s face and laughs spread around the table. Ona had decided you had enough to drink, and she was exhausted having played 70 minutes today, so announced that you would be heading home. It took a few minutes before you were finally out the door, having to go through and hug every one of your teammates and being told congratulations by each one of them. 

The next day the two of you flew to England for the first half of break, you would spend Christmas with your family before coming back to Spain to spend the rest with Ona’s family who you saw more often. 

Since the secret was already out to your teammates and your families had already known for weeks while home in England you and Ona were able to tell a few of your England and former Arsenal teammates you were closest with. 

While in London and met up with Leah, Lia, Lotte, Alessia, Beth, and Viv for lunch to share the news with them. Leah was especially moved when you told her, having been much like a big sister to you during your time at Arsenal. She couldn’t get past how grown up you were and that now were having a baby. Alessia did a lot of claiming that this all happened because of her setting you two up. While you’ll go to your grave denying her you can’t help but thank her slightly.

---

Thanks for reading everyone, I hope you enjoyed! Again, please leave any requests or prompts in my asks!

[idkmanwtfishumanityanymore]

y’all someone needs to ban me from this channel ISTG I just got SO HEATED with someone in a comment section for saying Monty and Puppet are in the right for mocking BloodMoons’ brothers death💀

here’s my comment if y’all were curious. (People who are easily upset/affected by BM’s trauma DO NOT READ FURTHER. I went feral💀🙏)

“You do NOT. want to start this fight. Ahem.”

“FIRST OFF, no one fucking deserves to have a serious loss in their life mocked. I don’t care what they’ve done, if Monty and Puppet want to be any better than BloodMoon, they wouldn’t stoop to his level.”

“SECOND, the murderer part? Have you just COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN that they have a programmed bloodlust they CAN’T GET RID OF? Eclipse programmed them to kill, it’s all they’ve ever known. OF COURSE THEY’RE GOING TO KILL PEOPLE IF IT’S THE ONLY THING THEY KNOW.”

“THIRD, I know you didn’t mention it, but they weren’t “incapable of redemption”, when they were staying with Foxy and FC, (sure they had a bomb in their head, but) they were the most “tame” and calm we’d ever seen. Still snarky and making threats left and right, but they accepted the infinitely-bouncing-chicken and played with it for a while, they mostly just sat in silence when they weren’t being bothered, and if I remember correctly- FC and BloodMoon ended up sparring or something, or it was atleast mentioned that FC wanted to spar with them-“

“FOURTH, EVERYONE THEY’VE EVER TRUSTED, BETRAYED OR HURT THEM. Eclipse, their original creator, already betrayed them by forcing an inescapable Lust for blood on them. Lunar, Lunar was using them to get rid of Eclipse, and inevitably abandoned them. Eclipse AGAIN, not only did he MAKE THEM INTO a backup for himself, and forced his way into their minds, but he also MADE THEM go back to the Pizzaplex when they were perfectly happy on the streets killin’ hobos like TrashMan. KillCode, he claimed to be their father, but did he ever really act like it? Sure he gave them advice and blood, but what else did he do for them? Because from what I remember, it sure wasn’t much. Ruin, Ruin rebuilt them after dying to Sun, and SPECIFICALLY PROGRAMMED them to NEED someone to control them, Ruin claimed to care about them, promised their body had nothing strange about it, but when talking to Solar, BloodMoon was informed of a secret, hidden weak point in their casing, which they VERY MUCH were not happy with. Solar, before they even agreed to help him get back Sun and Moon and defeat Ruin, they had a panic attack because they were afraid they’d be tricked and used again- WHICH HEY GUESS WHAT? IT HAPPENED AGAIN JUST LIKE THEY FEARED, Solar promised them they could go free as long as they didn’t go after the Celestial family, or their friends, which up until Solar said he wanted to KILL THEM, they were listening to! They were back out on the town, killing people like the first time they ran away from someone that claimed could be trusted, (The one before having been Lunar) and they only decided to attack any of the family AFTER Solar said he wanted to kill them. (Not including Lunar, that was before the deal with Solar) Rotaerc/Rodrick, creator in disguise, also just using them as a weapon. StitchWraith, literally threatened to separate them and show them what “True loneliness” felt like or some shit. Monty and Foxy, sure they didn’t TRUST those two, but they were still used. Everyone they’ve ever trusted, has used them, betrayed their trust, or hurt them.”

“SPEAKING OF ECLIPSE AGAIN, WHEN STITCHWRAITH SAID SOMETHING THAT REMINDED THEM OF ECLIPSE, THEY HAD A REACTION I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS TRAUMATIZED, AT THE THOUGHT OF BEING STUCK WITH SOMEONE LIKE ECLIPSE AGAIN.”

“MAY I ALSO MENTION THAT IN THE EPISODE WITH A REAL BLOOD MOON IN THE SKY, THEY MENTION THAT THEY DON’T LIKE HAVING THIS BLOODLUST? WHEN THEY DON’T CONSUME/SPILL BLOOD, IT’S ALMOST LIKE THE SYMPTOMS OF A SUBSTANCE WITHDRAWAL, WHICH ARE PAINFUL AS HELL.”

“Sorry for the Essay, but I’m 100% willing to go OFF on anyone who just completely disregards that the twins had trauma too. All the villains except maybe Creator, have their own traumas, and I’m sick and tired of everyone ignoring that.”

Y’ALL SOMEONE GET ME AWAY FROM THIS CHANNEL BEFORE I LITERALLY ATTACK SOMEONE AHDHHDHDHFCH /hj

Edit: SCREAMS AND CRIES SUPERSTAR BONGOS REPLIED TO MY COMMENT I COPY-PASTED TO HERE MAKING FUN OF MY AGGRESSION OVER AN OPINION- IDKWHETHER TO LAUGH OR CRY💀🙏

[turtlevariabilis]

Ok, this post is going to be somewhat long because I want to vent about a topic and ask for advice. I've noticed that in this community, there are many neurodivergent people, perhaps because Rise Donnie was confirmed to be on the autism spectrum, and Rise Mikey was confirmed to have ADHD (which wouldn't surprise me at all if it were the same in any version of TMNT).

Well, the thing is that BEFORE discovering Rise Donnie in early 2023, I had already spent a year with a strong suspicion that I might be on the autism spectrum due to something very specific that I discovered about myself (this is something I normally don't share with anyone, but since I'm anonymous here, I don't mind talking about it).

Back then, I discovered that I had ARFID (an eating disorder in which your diet is extremely selective). It’s something I’ve struggled with since I was a baby, from the first food I ever tried. I won’t go into detail about this part, which has always been very difficult in my life, but when I found out that what I was suffering from had a name… it meant that I wasn't the only one in the world 🥺 I'm 26 years old, so I've been suffering from this since 1998, and I found out that it was only given a name in 2013, and I only learned about it in 2022!

There wasn't much information, but I definitely discovered something about this disorder that disturbed me greatly.

Most people with ARFID (though not all) are on the autism spectrum. And something clicked in my mind. Because I've always felt different, I've always had social difficulties. When I was in college, around 2011, before Asperger's was included within the autism spectrum, I had already researched it and concluded, with doubts, that it wasn't my case. I didn’t have a good memory, nor was I very intelligent—I got good grades in school because I worked hard and was interested 🥺 (when I was in elementary school, they suspected I might be dyslexic, another diagnosis that was never pursued because it eventually "got better"). I also ruled it out because they say people on the spectrum are very routine-oriented and organized, and I considered myself the opposite.

But in 2022, I started searching for a lot more information (yes, somewhat obsessively—I even read books on the topic). And in 2023, I discovered rottmnt and Rise Donnie, which intensified my search for answers about myself...

The thing is, recently, I've been reflecting on 2019, the year I hit rock bottom mentally (and irresponsibly, I never went to a psychiatrist). I thought it was depression that I'd been dragging on for years... but what if it was something else? The way I tried to push myself forward was completely opposite to what is recommended for people with depression... and what if it was autistic burnout? Depression and autistic burnout share symptoms but require opposite treatments! (Talking about non-medical treatments, of course).

I made a list some of my autistic traits, things I've been gathering, and I'm sharing them here:

1. ARFID: I'm extremely selective with my food, and I have been for as long as I can remember.

2. People have told me that I "seem like I'm from another planet."

3. I've been told that I don't know how to comfort people (not in a bad way, just as an observation).

4. Before I turned 15, I barely spoke at all outside of the house. But I knew how to communicate in other ways... If I needed to complain about something to a teacher, I would write a note on paper and hand it to them. If I wanted to play with other kids, I could easily join in without saying anything.

5. I discovered this recently: when people talk about their problems, I tend to propose solutions instead of simply understanding what they're feeling.

6. I also discovered this recently: I don't understand what's happening with my emotions until they accumulate and I break down in tears.

7. I’m not comfortable with physical contact. Even as a baby, I wouldn’t go into the arms of strangers. And people, even family and friends, naturally ask me if they can hug me before they do... and of course, if they ask, I'll say yes!

8. The few times I listen to music, it’s rare and always on loop (just one song on repeat, and I have to force myself to stop after a while because I don’t have a natural limit).

9. My obsessions, like TMNT (though I've had others at different times in my life).

10. The simple fact that, at 26 years old, I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I’ve never kissed anyone, despite imagining it many times.

11. The times I’ve gone out to party late at night, I would end up crying when I got home, even if I had a “good” time. Now I understand it’s because I was exhausted.

12. I’ve always described having a switch in my mind that allows me to disconnect from my surroundings if the noises are too much (so they don’t bother me). Even though my mom told me that once, when I was little, she took me to see fireworks, and I apparently had a meltdown and covered my ears because of the noise, this never happened again, and I wouldn't say noise is an issue for me.

13. I NEVER, and I mean NEVER, make eye contact unless the other person isn’t looking directly at me. The thing is, I never realized this could be bothersome to some people. No one ever told me I had to look into people’s eyes, so I just never do it!

14. Crowds are definitely what bothers me the most. I think I could lose my sense of reality if I stayed in one for too long.

15. I need instructions to be given to me step by step, exactly as they need to be done; I also have difficulty understanding some jokes, double meanings, and I take things quite literally. For example, when we studied metaphors in school, I never understood them, and that’s because we never talked about them at home, haha.

And I could go on with many more specific things and anecdotes!

And why, if it seems like I never really did the famous masking, did no one ever suggest that I should seek a diagnosis?

What happened is that the more I researched the topic, not only did I recognize my own autistic traits (though I wouldn’t say I’m autistic without an official diagnosis), but I also realized that my parents and sisters fit well within the neurodivergent spectrum too. This created a mutual understanding between us, and we didn’t see any flaws in each other. I think I grew up in a very safe environment 🫶🏻 and was somewhat sheltered from the outside world.

As I mentioned, I don’t know if I’m on the spectrum or if I have other neurodivergences, but after what could have been depression or autistic burnout, and all the introspection I’ve done in recent years, I’ve realized that yes, I’m different, I’m "odd" in many ways, and I need to accept myself as I am. I’ve even forgiven myself for not eating as I should. While it would be good to work on it a bit, I don't need to feel guilty about it, and as long as I’m healthy, there shouldn’t be a problem.

Honestly, I’m not sure if it’s worth seeking a diagnosis or not. I wouldn’t know what to say, who to go to, or if they would take me seriously after all the self-discovery I’ve already done… I just don’t know. On one hand, I think I’d like to know, not just for myself but also for the people closest to me so they can understand me better… but at the same time, we’re all different, and we all have our quirks and deficiencies… so I’m not sure what to do with everything I’ve learned—whether to leave it as it is or to pursue it further in a professional way.

Tell me about yourselves—if any of you suspect or know that you’re neurodivergent, and what your thoughts are on the matter.

[memento-morri-writes]

Do you have any advice or specific tips to writing a low/no empathy character? Or a resource to recommend?

Hi nonny! Thanks for asking! I'm going to try my best to answer your question, but keep in mind, this is all based on my own personal experience, and that varies vastly from person to person. (if anyone else experiences low/no empathy, please feel free to add on to this post!)

So, some things to keep in mind:

Why does your character experience low/no empathy? For me, it's a symptom of my autism, but there are multiple reasons a character could have low/no empathy. The most common is probably going to be some form of disability (autism), or disorder (psychopathy), etc. (Be careful while doing research though, especially on disorders like psychopathy! You're going to run into a lot of ableist bullshit. Make sure to look for sources written by people living with these disorders/disabilities.) (If anyone has any resources on other disabilities or disorders that cause low empathy that they personally recommend, please feel free to add links!!!) Whatever the reason, it's not going to only affect their empathy. It's going to affect every part of their life. So make sure to do your research, and write respectfully. If you know someone or follow someone who has a certain condition, ask if they'd feel comfortable answering questions for you. If they aren't, that's fine. If they are, they're going to be a great resource. (I'd also recommend getting a sensitivity reader, particularly when writing about mental disorders that are already frequently stigmatized. You want to make sure you're not promoting harmful stereotypes.) I should note, however, that neurotypical people can also have low/no empathy!!! It just happens to also be a common symptom of various mental disorders.

Consider what kind of empathy does your character lack. There are two kinds of empathy! Emotional (or affective) empathy, and cognitive empathy. Affective empathy is made up of three parts: Feeling the same emotion as someone else, feeling discomfort or stress in response to someone else's suffering, and feeling compassion for or understanding another's emotions. Cognitive empathy is the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of someone else. This includes being to "stand in someone else's shoes", or take another person's perspective, and generally understand what they're feeling. This one has been called more of a "skill", in that it's something people can "learn", where as affective empathy can't be taught or learned. When people talk about having low/no empathy, they are usually referring to lacking affective empathy, but a character might struggle with both!

Not everyone experiences empathy the same. Some people lack empathy in some circumstances, but have it in others. For example, I lack empathy when it comes to human beings, but I am much more empathetic when it comes to animals. A character might only be able to empathize with very specific scenarios or people. (For example, if someone else is going through a very similar scenario to one they have experienced in the past, it may be easier for them to feel empathy. But it might not!) Some people can empathize with certain emotions better than others. (I empathize better with anger, but can't empathize at all with grief.)

Understand that a lack of empathy does not equal a lack of caring. Just because a person doesn't feel the emotions someone else is feeling doesn't mean they don't care. A person with low or no empathy can still be kind and compassionate to others. They might go about trying to cheer people up in a slightly different way (I personally tend to try and go for distractions), but they still care about their friends and loved ones. Even seemingly "uncaring" things said by those who lack empathy do not come from a place of malice. (I can't tell you how many times I've said something well-meaning and had people assume I was being cruel. I wasn't, and I genuinely had good intentions.)

Keep in mind how your character reacts to other's emotions. People with empathy tend to feel similarly to those they empathize with, which generally creates a feeling of connection. (This is part of what leads to that sense of "coming together after tragedy".) A person with low/no empathy might instead feel alienated or uncomfortable when faced with large outpourings of emotions. They might be uncertain how to act or what to do, and they may try and avoid situations with strong negative emotions because of it. (In my case, people crying makes me very uncomfortable, because I don't know how to respond. So I try and keep my distance.)

Think about how your character processes their own emotions. Just because a character doesn't feel empathy for others doesn't mean that they are incapable of feeling those emotions on their own. A character who has no empathy for a grieving friend can still grieve! But chances are they will process that emotion differently than a person with "normal" empathy. They might try to push their emotions away and bottle them up. Or one emotion might transition into one they have an easier time processing. (For me, I don't experience sadness normally. It either transitions to anger, or it is replaced by different thoughts.)

Think about how their lack of empathy influences their life. A person who lacks empathy is not going to experience life the same way as a person with "normal" empathy. They might have a hard time making friends, or they might excel at a job that requires a logical mind. They might give great advice, or their friends might know to never ask them about relationships. They might be great at organizing people, even in times of stress, because their brain compartmentalizes and thinks pragmatically. They might totally shut down when faced with an emotional situation because they don't know how to process it.

Having no empathy can be very alienating. People expect empathy constantly. It's a big part of why people love emotional media, and it's the expected response when someone you know experiences suffering. Not having empathy can mean that you feel disconnected from your loved ones or community as a whole. It might mean biting your tongue and not saying what you think because people would read it as uncaring or cruel.

Remember: Having low or no empathy is not a bad thing. People with low/no empathy are often villainized in media, and the trait is often given to antagonists. But that's a harmful stereotype and harmful belief in general. That's not saying that your character with low empathy has to be "good", but don't use their low empathy as proof that they're a "bad person". Try thinking about situations in which having low/no empathy might be useful! I personally am reminded of the post I saw years ago where someone was saying that if not for their lack of empathy, they probably couldn't do their job. (iirc, they worked handling the bodies of organ donors, some of whom were quite young.)

Okay, that's all I can think of for now, but like I said before, anyone else who experiences low or no empathy is encouraged to reblog this post and add on to it! And if I made any mistakes here, please let me know so I can fix them!!! I tried to base this mostly off of my own experience, so take it all with a grain of salt.

[theyluvlyss]

hello wuestion about shifting!

whats the method you found to work the most for you?

𝐈 𝐠𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐚 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫...

it wouldn't be right if I didn't (obvs lol), but unfortunately,,, none of them💀. I know, depressing, right?

but, in all seriousness, this isn't me saying that I've literally tried every single last method there is out there, but again, I like to be very transparent about these sorts of things,,,

they have all equally not worked lmfaooo😹💔.

I've tried/done a lot of methods over time (I've been shifting for about 4-5 years now, but haven't shifted yet), and none of them have done anything for me whatsoever. I mean, to this day, I haven't even gotten any of what people call "symptoms" - which, I personally think are just signs your body is falling asleep, not actually shifting💀✋🏽. I feel like shifting doesn't feel like anything, it kinda just,,, happens, yk? - so I can't really offer up anything that I would say is the "best" or what "works".

although (because again, I know this is kinda depressing and I don't want to, like, crush your hopes lmao), I feel like what's best for me is to try and stick to methods that revolve around sleeping, nighttime, no outside distractions or needs type of vibe. unfortunately, I live in an environment where there's a lot of negativity a lot of the time (mentally, emotionally, and physically) and I have no clear path or way out, it feels like, and my AuDHD does not at all help in the focus department💀🥲✋🏽 (I've never been able to mediate, lucid dream, none of that stuff, and I've accepted that), and the most I often experience is highly vivid dreams.

so, with that, I feel like my best attempts and my best interests lie in sleep methods, especially the ones where it's like "that point between awake and asleep" and "sleep paralysis",,, I slip into those states rather occasionally and have throughout my whole life, and I know how to trigger them, so rn, my intention has been set on mastering getting into and staying focused in those states so that I can then move onto shifting from those states, you know what I mean?

but hey, if anyone else has any advice for me or the asker here, (or any readings hehehe, I am currently practicing tarot myself, and I'm sure others are, too, so you're welcome to practice on me because I'd sure love some guidance right about now lmfao), definitely lay it on me, I'm open and happy to hear it.

and to you, my lovely person who dropped this question that I'm answering in my inbox, I apologize that I can't be of more assistance. I wish I had more of a straight-forward and profound answer, or that I could help you out in someway, but I'm pretty much in the same boat here when it comes to the whole "wtf should I do and wtf am I doing😭??" part of it all lol.

toodles, and take care to all /ᐠ^˕^マ~ !!

[imagineanime2022]

The Undateables With An S/O With C-PTSD

Solomon X Reader, Simeon X Reader, Diavolo X Reader, Barbatos X Reader

Requested: Anon

Request: Hello! Hope your doing well! Can I please request the obey me dateables (Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, and Solomon's) and brothers (if that's okay) with an mc who has c-ptsd? Like what would they do when their s/o was having a horrible flashbacks and like scream crying? Only if you're comfortable with that kind of stuff of course! Thank you!

Disclaimer: I don't suffer from C-PTSD and I don't mean to offend or upset anyone that does, I did some research before writing this but I know that's not the same as actually suffering from it, so please don't take any of this as advice or guidance please talk to a professional

Warnings (none specifically mentioned, talked about in general terms): Trauma and trigger, Flashbacks, nightmares, symptoms of C-PTSD

Brothers Ver.

Solomon

✨ Solomon was pretty clued up on things, you didn’t have to tell him what you were suffering he figured it out as he got to know you. ✨ He never asked what it was that caused it, he figured that it was something you didn’t want to talk about and honestly he was not a professional that actually helped you fix it, so making you relive it was pointless. ✨ Saying that if you wanted to talk about whatever was triggering you, he was more than happy to listen, he only wanted you to be comfortable. ✨ Instead he dealt with the symptoms and helped you where he could. ✨ The first thing he realised was that you weren’t sleeping very well so he moved you into Purgatory Hall with him. Set up an extra bed so you could choose whether you wanted to sleep with him or on your own and never took offence when you chose the latter. ✨ He always woke up when you were having a nightmare no matter where you slept, he was careful as he woke up, to make sure he didn’t scare you further or end up feeling bad for hurting him. ✨ There had been times when you woke up but you weren’t necessarily there. He was careful when he brought you back and when he was sure that you were with him, he’d ask what you needed. ✨ When you were with other people he was clear in his instructions for what they needed to do when something went wrong, it was easier with the angels than with the demon brothers but he did his best either way. ✨ Solomon without a doubt was a presence that you always felt a safe one, someone that you always pushed back to. ✨ “I’m here for you. You’re not alone.” and he meant it.

Simeon

😇 Simeon was probably the best person to be around when it came to C-PTSD, he was calm, soft-spoken and very rarely involved himself in anything too crazy. 😇 He’s also the most observant, he can see an episode coming on and put himself between you and everything else. He’d ask if you know what it was that caused the panic. 😇 If you know he’ll attempt to remove the trigger and if you don’t he’ll just remove you from the situation entirely. 😇 In the event that you have a flashback or intrusive thought revolving around the trauma he’s careful with you. 😇 He reminds you of your strengths and tries to get you to focus on them until you’re feeling better. 😇 He’s easy to talk to and sometimes you don’t even realise that you are venting to him until you are well into it, he just listens and only interrupts if he sees that you are working yourself up in a bad way. 😇 Simeon was used to creating a structure for someone else because of Luke and offered to help you create one for yourself now that you were living in a completely different realm. 😇 Simeon always reassured you that there was nothing wrong with you for reacting the way that you were, he had for the most part put together what had happened to you. 😇 Simeon supported you in any way that could, got you everything that you needed and tried to provide an environment where you could thrive. 😇 "There is nothing wrong with the way you feel about what happened. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not crazy.” and he'd keep saying even if you didn't believe him.

Diavolo

👑 In all honesty he did not understand a single thing about your condition, demons didn’t usually get these illnesses they caused them and none of them stuck around to see what it was. 👑 The first time that he witnessed a reaction to something that reminded you of your trauma he panicked but lucky for him Barbatos did a lot of reading and calmed you both down. 👑 He hated that he didn’t know how to help you so he asked you. 👑 He listened carefully to what you told him and even made notes for later use. He asked you if there was anything that you needed to change in your living environment and reminded you that nothing you wanted was a burden. 👑 Diavolo would try to make everything as comfortable as he could for you, even if that meant arranging online lessons for you. 👑 The one thing he struggled with was the mood changes but only because he didn’t like seeing you angry or sad. 👑 He tried his best to help you focus on something else, he’d even asked you to write a list of things you found comforting Devildom and he’d drop everything to get something from the list or take to a place on it to help you calm down. 👑 Diavolo would probably be afraid to ask about the root of the problem so he often stirred clear of it himself without even realising it but he’d never stop you from talking about it. 👑 He was a very touchy person so it was hard at first but he’s careful with physical touch waiting for you to initiate it and only doing what had done to him and if he didn’t know what to say he’d tell you that instead saying something that wasn’t sincere 👑 “I’m not sure what to say right now, can I stay here with you for a while?” and he'd stay there (in silence if he had to) until he was sure that you were okay.

Barbatos

🫖 Barbatos knew the most but probably had the most work to do, he was used to serving people and being there for them but that could also be suffocating. 🫖 He was very good at helping with the physical ailments, the body aches, the headaches and shivers, the emotional stuff was a little harder. 🫖 He’d been trained to keep his emotions in check so he had to remember that when you asked him something or expressed something you needed a sincere reaction or declaration. 🫖 Barbatos was very good at announcing his presence so that he didn’t scare you. 🫖 He was an amazing listener and an even better supporting pillar. He’ll be the one apologising even though he never hurt you. 🫖 When you were finding it hard to concentrate on tasks or seemed particularly hypervigilant he’d ask what you wanted to do. 🫖 He was really good at noting, remembering and removing triggers from your immediate environment. 🫖 He was the best for consistency and structure, he was in a very good daily structure his work demanded it so if it helped he’d add you into it. 🫖 He was always direct with what he wanted to say to you and would often remind you that perfection did not exist and you don’t need to strive for it, mistakes were normal and always will be. 🫖 “You’ve been through more than anyone should. I know I didn’t do it, but I’m sorry.” he said it, if only to prove that you deserved an apology for what had happened to you.

Request Here!!

[flowercrowncrip]

hello. i've applied for PIP and i'm going to be filling out the "how does your disability affect you" form as soon as i can get someone to help me with it. i noticed that you are also in the UK and if it's alright with you i'd like to ask if you have any advice on filling the application out?

Hi! It’s been a while since I filled in that one but I do have a bit of advice. I don’t know your specific circumstances so sorry if I’m just repeating what you already know. If anyone else has better/ more/ different advice please add to this!

The first thing I’d say that nobody told me was that filling it in can be quite difficult emotionally. It’s a chunky form and takes quite a long time to fill in and a lot of that time will be spent thinking about all the suckiest parts of your disability and everything you can’t do and need help with. I definitely wasn’t prepared for how that would make me feel. I’d have a think about whether you’ll prefer to do it over a few days or if you want to get it all done as quickly as possible. If I were doing it again I’d want to plan something nice to do afterwards to try and take my mind off it. Basically do what works for you and make sure you take care of yourself while and after filling it in.

The rest is practical advice I got from various places (other disabled people, Citizens advice, disability organisations). It seemed to work well for me, but my disability is significant and well documented enough that it would have been surprising if I’d had to appeal the result of my assessment.

One thing I did was I planned all my answers in advance in bullet points before writing anything in the booklet. You can also type answers on a separate document if that’s easier. I ended up writing a lot more per question than I was given room for so having spare paper on hand if you or whoever’s helping you fills it in by hand. When I did it we always wrote down in the booklet where we’d used extra paper to make sure it all got read.

I was told to never assume the person doing the assessment knows anything about your conditions and to always write everything down even if seems really obvious or your conditions are well known. Like don’t assume that an assessor knows that chronic fatigue syndrome/ ME causes chronic fatigue, or that spastic cerebral palsy causes muscle spasticity. And don’t assume they know that fatigue might make it difficult to think clearly or that spasticity can cause pain. And don’t assume that if you wrote something in your explanation for question 1 that they’ll remember it when you get to question 5. It’s annoying and you end up repeating yourself a lot but it strengthens your case and builds a better picture of your disability if you lay everything out clearly each time. Never tick that you can’t do something and leave the explanation box blank – always give an explanation where prompted.

The other thing I was told was don’t tick that you can do something unless you can do it safely, reliably and as many times as you need to in a day. If you technically could use a knife but you’d be putting yourself or others at risk doing so then you can’t safely use a knife. If you can walk 20m in the morning but by midday you’re in too much pain to walk more than a few steps then you can’t walk 20m as many times as you need to a day. If you can sometimes feed yourself but suddenly lose the ability to hold a fork several times a week then you can’t reliably feed yourself. Always write what a bad day looks like and how often on average that happens as well as how predictable bad days/ symptoms are. Always spell out exactly why you can’t do something safely/ reliably/ repeatedly. If not having the right support has caused accidents or other significant problems then include what happened/ is happening and what the consequences were/ are.

I hope it goes well filling in the form. I know it’s far from the nicest thing in the world to have to do. And I really hope that they listen to you and you get a fair result relatively quickly. Good luck!

[crippleprophet]

hiii!! i was wondering if u have any advice on getting taken seriously and getting care in an emergency department as a chronically ill/disabled person?

i've had progressive muscle weakness, fatigue, nerve issues, and pain for like five years that hasn't been properly diagnosed (been told it was fibro but. doesn't seem to fully fit that anymore. idk if anything will show up on tests but even if it doesn't i feel like the more correct diagnosis would be ME. my current gp thinks i have [seronegative] myasthenia gravis but gps can't order emgs so can't diagnose it), and recently have been having trouble breathing that seems like it's due to muscle weakness in my chest and follows the same patterns as my other muscle weakness.

my gp can't do anything to help (and referrals always get declined because the system is overwhelmed) and can only advise that i go to the hospital, been to one hospital who sent me home because my oxygen saturation was fine (even though from what i've read shortness of breath caused by muscle weakness doesn't show in oxygen saturation til it's Very Very bad, at the time i could only speak a couple syllables per breath and my peak flow was around half of what it usually is), i asked my gp what to do and he told me to try the further away hospital and explain that i haven't been able to get care at the closer one.

my mum is going to take me in a couple days (unless i really can't breath in the mean time obviously) and i'm nervous because i usually get dismissed, or they'll do a couple tests but not the ones that would actually show the conditions that i might actually have. i don't know how to advocate for myself without getting seen as overreacting, or get care for a chronic condition that has become urgent because usually if it's been happening for a while they'll say to just talk to ur gp but. my gp can't do anything.

(note: i know ur only supposed to go to the emergency room for things that are really urgent and the fact that i'm waiting a couple days might make it not urgent. my gp has said this is the best thing i can do though because there's literally no other avenue for me to get care and with my breathing the way it is i am even more restricted in what i can do than i have been before.)

oh god, i’m so sorry you’re in this position and am sending so much love to you. obligatory disclaimer that i’m not a medical professional, just Some Guy with a couple degrees, a girlfriend in medical school, and a whole lot of medical trauma.

that being said, my only advice is to lie. lie your ass off, lie like your life depends on it, most importantly lie in an informed fashion - which is easy in this case because you pretty much know what you have, you just need them to do the test you want. the doctor thinks they’re creating a clinical picture on a blank canvas and you need to give them a paint-by-numbers.

here are the factors i would consider and the narrative i would construct if i was in your position, but it’s your body, your experiences, and your care (or lack thereof), so all of this is just my opinion and your mileage absolutely may vary:

most importantly, make sure anyone with you in the ER is on the same page. a lot of doctors assume patients are lying by default because they suck, so if somebody contradicts you, you’re probably screwed. when my gf takes me to a doctor’s appointment, we have a “what are we lying to them about” meeting ahead of time. you know your mum best, so you probably know what approaches she would/wouldn’t be on board with, but i’d initiate that conversation like “i’m concerned this hospital might dismiss me like the other one did, so i’m planning to say XYZ to hopefully get them to take me more seriously” and not “Some Guy on tumblr told me to lie my ass off” lol

next, make your symptoms match the textbook. downside to this, i definitely recommend not bringing up ME/CFS because they can’t/won’t test for or treat it (i have a friend in the UK who almost certainly has ME/CFS and just got sent to even more physical therapy). here’s where it helps that your GP is pretty sure they know what you’ve got (whether you actually have that or not): research myasthenia gravis (i recommend continuing education sites geared towards clinicians), know what’s on that list, and (with some exceptions) say you have those symptoms. my personal strategy is three-tiered:

lies of creation: unless it’s something immediately life-threatening or something they can concretely disprove, say you have symptoms of your disease even if you don’t. ER doctors don’t give a shit if they can say you need to wait it out and go to a specialist, regardless of that being unrealistic and your symptoms being unlivable, so you need something urgent and serious. (my gf says “they might be worried if you’re having trouble swallowing. maybe.”) myasthenia gravis typically waxes and wanes, so even if you’re able to do something when they examine you, it would be totally realistic for you to not have been able to a couple of hours ago (eg, when you arrived to the ER). for example, i told the NHS i totally had a positive MRI in the US that i was having delays getting access to the records of, even though my MRI didn’t show a speck of inflammation, because at least that got me a couple months of flare medication while they confirmed and an NSAID when they decided i was in remission rather than literally nothing. obviously you can’t tell them you’re seropositive because they’ve unfortunately got that record, which means you’re already fighting an uphill battle, which leads to my favorite sub-category lie of creation: anything you’ve read or believe or know that works in your favor, your GP told you. memorize what percent of people with myasthenia gravis are seronegative - don’t lead with that, because doctors hate when people are educated about our conditions or know what’s wrong with us, but if they say “we won’t do an EMG because you can’t have myasthenia gravis because of your bloodwork,” then you can be like, “my GP said that’s pretty common, like, about X% of people don’t show up on the test, and they’re really convinced i have this.”

lies of exaggeration: increase frequency of symptoms, impact on your activities of daily living, rank on a scale. familiarize yourself with what the numbers on the pain scale generally mean in terms of ability, and elaborate - “my pain is at an 8, it’s really hard to XYZ.”

lies of omission: this ER doctor was an asshole and still would’ve fucked me over regardless, but the instant i said “yes” when he asked if i experienced acid reflux, he stopped listening to a single word i said. i was experiencing acid reflux, and i knew that symptom happened with IBD, celiac, and a host of other serious conditions, but he instantly decided that was all that was going on with me, tried to send me home with just an antacid during the worst pain of my life, and led to me experiencing malnutrition and all my hair falling out due to the severe delays in accessing care. my recommendation for “instant dismissal” (or worse, “instant institutionalization”) symptoms to omit are: acid reflux; menstrual cramps or really anything related to menstruation; anything they could dismiss as covid - if they try to dismiss your breathing issues as covid, say you’ve tested negative this week even if you haven’t had a test. if you’ve had covid and you’re certain it’s not in your chart (assume it’s in your chart if you’ve ever said it to a doctor), say you’ve never had covid. if they still try to say it’s covid, stress that this has been going on for years before covid; anything psychiatric.

so, what i would do:

“i have X, Y, and Z symptoms. my GP thinks i have myasthenia gravis and is working on referring me, and said to go to A&E if A, B, or C got worse. A, B, and C have [measurably gotten significantly worse since the last time you went to A&E] - i’m having trouble breathing, swallowing, and [other].” hope that they decide to do an EMG on their own.

if they try to send you home or try to do useless tests, say “my GP mentioned that i really need an EMG in order to get the treatment that would help me be able to breathe, swallow, [other]. will this test also do that?” (one of the instances where you strategically ‘play dumb’ because doctors hate when we know things)

if they still won’t do anything helpful, either you or your mum say: “i’ve/they’ve had these symptoms for five years and it’s never been remotely this bad. i/they seriously can’t breathe, swallow, [other] - how do we manage these symptoms before we can get to a specialist?” i’m white and, having been super professional/polite until then, this is the point where i start crying; you know your circumstances best and whether that will incur racism, etc, upon you from the medical system.

if they still want to send you home, i (again, being white) would at that point firmly request a second opinion. they still might send you home with nothing; i did all of this shit and received 50 pills of 50mg tramadol in addition to the antacid, and probably an angry note in my file, and not a millisecond of further testing.

i say this with love and from experience, in the interest of minimizing trauma and devastation: you need, to the best of your ability, to go to the emergency department with the expectation of receiving no care. i recommend a buddy, a reminder, and a reward: message a bitter crip or someone else who Gets It throughout the process and have support in place for if/when you get home with new medical neglect and trauma; remind yourself that your symptoms are real and serious and, in my gf’s words, “if your GP thinks you have myasthenia gravis, you almost definitely have something neuromuscular going on.” i like to make posters of my reminders (example here: link); do something that will make you feel better afterwards - my go-to is buying a new stuffed animal after experiencing medical trauma. i have a lot of them lol

for more advice on coping with medical neglect before and after appointments/visits, see my post here (link). if you don’t know anyone who’ll understand or be available and helpful to support you during your trip to A&E, feel free to dm me and i’d be happy to give you my WhatsApp. i wish you so much luck and you’ll be in my thoughts, i really hope it goes as well as possible - you deserve quality, compassionate, thorough care. if you’re comfortable with doing so and feeling up for it i’d really value an update afterwards 💓💓💓

[lil-cutesy-things]

Understanding BPD, part 2 (Kisses from July 2024 #4)

Or How I Successfully Recovered from BPD

Hi pumpkins 🧡 Welcome back to "Kisses from July 2024"!

TODAY'S TOPIC

In the fourth part of this series, I will talk about my personal recovery from BPD.

THE ORIGINS

As you may already know, I was bullied by some of my classmates when I was a child.

Because I suffered from urinary incontinence, they said I was disgusting, that I had no hygiene, etc. They would move away and call me names whenever they saw me. They would verbally abuse me whenever they saw me.

Because I was autistic (non-diagnosed at that time), they said I was weird. They would laugh and imitate my posture (I was very much curled up in myself), my way of walking (I was always tip-toeing around), etc.

Nobody cared enough to defend me. My friends thought the verbal abuse was no big deal. They would hear my bullies call me names and yet do nothing about it.

On the few times I tried to talk about it with the adults I knew, they put the blame on me. Depending on who I was talking to, I was too shy to fit properly, too haughty, not forgiving enough...

As for myself, I was terrified of what could happen if I dared fight back. Would my bullies hurt me? Would the verbal abuse turn into physical or sexual abuse?

Because I was constantly worried about my security and well-being, running through the worst-case scenarios, I developed stress and anxiety issues.

Because I firmly believed that everyone would eventually leave me behind, I developed a strong fear of abandonment, which is one of the main symptoms of BPD.

FROM CHILDHOOD TO ADOLESCENCE

When I left middle school, the bullying stopped since me and my bullies were going to different schools.

I did my best to be the good girl people wanted me to be. I suppressed my feelings of despair and anger; I put on a smiling mask and hid the me who was deeply hurt and insecure.

This game of hide-and-seek lasted for several years before my mask started to crack and chip. It eventually shattered, exposing my vulnerable true self.

To quote my post on anger management and acceptance, "I hated myself, but I was the only person I could trust to take me forward. Even if I was blaming myself for the traumatic events that were happening to me, even if I felt completely powerless, I could not afford to rely on anyone else."

Driven by a fierce desire to live, I swore to myself I would ensure my own safety and keep myself healthy.

NO HOPE WHATSOEVER?

When I was diagnosed with BPD in early 2023, I was not that surprised. I have been suspecting I had it for a few years.

Despite that, I could never bring myself to hope recovering from this disorder. While doing some research, I read that BPD has a high rate of suicide.

Because I still believed that I would eventually succeed in taking my own life, I did not hope for a complete recovery. I did not think this was even a possibility.

WHAT ABOUT NOW?

In early 2024, I asked my psychiatrist if I still have BPD. He said no, I do not suffer from BPD anymore since my symptoms have changed over the years.

CONCLUSION

Just as there is not a single universal cause of BPD, there is not a single universal way to recover from this disorder.

Nevertheless, I will leave some basic advice below.

★ Choosing yourself over and over again helps a lot with the fear of abandonment. You will feel less and less scared of being left behind if you know for sure that you can rely on yourself.

★ Finding some healthy ways to express your feelings helps a lot with self-harm. Try to find creative outlets to get your anger out. If you can't think of any options, I would suggest taking a look at the first part of this series, "It's okay to feel something", which offers advice on expressing your feelings instead of suppressing them.

★ Anticipate your mood swings. Identify your triggers – how does this or that make you feel? What coping mechanisms do you end up using?

★ Prepare an emergency plan. Therefore, when you find yourself in a stressful or dangerous situation, you will be ready for any eventuality. I would advise you to have a list of emergency contact numbers.

★ Get yourself a first aid kit to carry everywhere. A fillable drinking bottle, snacks, pain relievers, medicines, sanitary pads, tampons, condoms, contraceptives, you name it. If it helps you, then take it with you.

BLOGS TO FOLLOW ON TUMBLR

• @borderlinereminders ➙ Kind reminders and positivity for people with BPD.

• @traumasurvivors ➙ Support and validation for trauma survivors.

Love,

Bay 💋

[yellow-lemon-lime]

Hi I hope this isn't rude to ask, but I saw on a post that you deal with self blame delusions? And well I wanted advice on how to help someone cope with that. Because my sister has this idea (tbh I'm hesitant to call it a delusion since she has her own logic for believing it which I can understand even tho it's great logic) that she is the sole cause of everything wrong in my life, including that I'm chronically ill*. Which is just not the case at all?

*I have me/cfs, one of the theories is that it's essentially long mono, since my sister had mono once she thinks she gave it to me which caused me to get cfs and cause my chronic illness. But since I was asymptomatic and only know I had mono at all is because of biomarkers we don't even know when I had it so she might not even given it to me in the first place.

(sorry if this is over stepping a boundary or something, but she doesn't want to do therapy and I don't know what else to do...)

Hi @skydemonizark Sorry for the late reply, I was out with my husband, and we just recently got home. Don't worry, your question is neither rude, nor stupid to ask. I am more than happy to answer any question, one might have about a lived experience with delusions, psychosis or schizophrenia in general.

I will preface this by saying, that this is only my experience with delusions and schizophrenia. Others may have totally different experiences, and that's okay, because even though, delusions (and schizophrenia) follow general rules. How we experience the symptoms are different for each person.

I will also say, that I am not a licensed therapist, psychologist or psyciatrist. Again this is solely based on my lived experience. I strongly advice anyone who is dealing with a medical problem - whether it is somatic or psychological, that they contact a professional or in emergency cases dial 911/112.

Now in order to answer your question. It's important to know what a delusion is and isn't. A delusion is a belief in the patient, that is neither naturally and/or culturally possible. F.x. Believing that Jesus is the son of God, is not a delusion, because many people believe that, so that is culturally acceptable. Believing that your neighbor is Jesus himself, would be a delusion, because only you believe that, nobody else does, and especially not your neighbor.

I cannot say whether your sister's belief IS a delusion, but I know from my own experience that logic is a huge part of delusions, but it's a twisted kind of logic.

Let me give you an example with one of my own delusions: I got a job at the hearing aid center, at my local hospital. When I started working there. The waiting time for new users was approximately 6 months to 1 year. When I had been there for a while, the waiting time had skyrocketed to over 2 years. Now my delusional logic, told me, it must be because of me, right? It happens just as I start working there. How could it not be my fault? So I felt constant guilt about making things hard for deaf/hoh people in my town. And please be noted, that I had no idea that it was a delusion. I wasn't diagnosed at the time, I wasn't even being evaluated. So I had to rely on my own twisted logic, with this delusion as well as the other delusions I had. Sometimes I doubted my logic, but for me it was like having two logics. One wasn't more right than the other.

When I did get the diagnosis, and started on medication and therapy, I noticed a change in my way of thinking about my blame about the waiting time. I am fully aware that medication and/or therapy isn't for everyone. We are all different. But for me, both things were essential to getting better. Antipsychotics, didn't remove my delusions, but they sort of prevented the anxiety I got from those delusions. But I still needed to fix my twisted logic. At the time I got my diagnosis, I hadn't been working at the hearing aid center for a good month (I was literally forced to quit just before I got my diagnosis) Time went by and I didn't have the delusion-induced anxiety anymore, but I still had the belief that the increased waiting time was my fault. One day I was sitting with my therapist, and we were talking about big and small, and I mentioned the delusion, like I had done a few times before. For some reason, I also mentioned, that, oh there was this one audiologist who had mentioned, that the hearing aid center had let off a huge portion of the workers there, and my therapist asked me: "Don't you think, that could be why the waiting times increased?" And I gave it a thought, and thought, maybe my therapist is right.

You're telling me, that your sister doesn't want to do therapy, and I 100 % respect that. Therapy should be done willingly, and only in the event that a person is in danger to themselves or others, should forced therapy be even considered.

I would try mainly 2 things. One thing would be what my therapist did to me, and try to find counter-logic to the delusional logic. Do be adviced that it may not necessary work, if the person is so in deep with their delusion, that no amount of outside counter-logic can get through. The one thing I strongly advice against with any delusions, is either agreeing with the person, or saying to the person that they must be crazy or something. Both things can be very detrimental to the persons mental wellbeing.

The second thing I would try to do, is to switch the whole agenda. Yeah it sucks that you both got ME/CFS, even if you personally are asymptomatic. Instead of focusing on the "why?" or "who?" try focusing on the "how?" Don't ask yourselves, why did you both get this? Who is to blame? Instead ask yourselves, "How can we manage the symptoms we may have, and how can we support each other in living with this illness?" and I believe that could go for anything, that she, you, or a third person may struggle with. Someone may have asked. "Why did this happen to me?" They may never get an answer. So they should instead ask "How do I get going from here?"

I also advice you to take care of yourself, eat a varied diet, get plenty of hydration, exercise to the point that you are able to. Get plenty of sleep. If you take medication for anything, keep taking that. Also be a little selfish, and buy yourself chocolate or something once in a while. And in any case you start feeling, that something is wrong, mentally or somatic. Don't hesitate to contact a medical professional.

I hope my answer gave some insight, although it's just one experience. I invite any person with schizo-spec illness/psychosis or delusion, or possible mental health professional (if there are any on tumblr) who might be reading this to give their insight and opinion. I wish you and your sister and the rest of everyone around you, a pleasant and carefree day

[clover-cdd-confessions]

Hiii, I'd like some help / advice please! >.<''

So I am a singlet but used to say I was an endogenic system (I am strictly anti-endo now and no long say that I'm a system). I don't think DID or OSDD really describe my experience and would like to know what you think about it (like providing resources about different disorders that may have overlapping symptoms with DID / OSDD). I have trauma and because of it, I dissociate a lot and have sort of multiple 'personalities' / a messed up sense of identity that feels like split??

Anyways please help me out :( I cant go to professionals currently due to IRL issues rn but want to get an idea of what is up with me before I get the chance to

Thank you in advance for any help / advice you can give! <33

Hi anon! I can certainly try to point you in the right direction, and please feel free to talk more or vent if you need! This stuff is very confusing and hard to figure out, and it's ok to not be sure :)

The first thing I'll say is that not all alters are super distinct. I think online you can get the idea that all systems are just a bunch of different, fully separate people who have strict lines between them, but that's not always the case. In fact, for OSDD-1, one diagnostic option is for those who have amnesia between parts but the identity of parts isn't very different. Many systems have facets (like different versions of the same alter) or fragments (one-sided alters with limited function/personality).

So even people with DID/OSDD-1/P-DID/UDD can have what feels more like multiple versions of themselves rather than different alters. Whether this is in conjunction with fully separate alters or not can depend. Also, many systems may choose to identify different ways! For example, someone with DID who has alters with different personalities, appearances, etc. may want to be seen as one person with parts, while someone with dissociated parts who only vary slightly may feel it makes more sense for them to have different names.

The feeling of not being quite one, solid person isn't limited to DID-spec disorders! Identity confusion is a symptom that can happen in a lot of disorders for different reasons and to varying degrees. The one that comes to mind first is BPD. I'm not saying you have it, but it could be worth looking into the way identity alteration happens in BPD, which can lead someone to feel like they have more than one 'self' while not being a system. https://www.verywellmind.com/borderline-personality-disorder-identity-issues-425488

The theory of structural dissociation might help you with understanding this and the different levels of identity dissociation. Personally, the book "The Haunted Self" by Onno van der Hart helped me understand the TOSD a lot. I believe you can find a free pdf online, but there's also a lot of other information about the TOSD!

Ultimately, this stuff is really, really confusing for anyone to figure out, and I fully get not being able to get help for it irl right now. I would look into the differences between selfstates in BPD versus less differentiated alters in OSDD-1 and see if that helps you figure it out. I hope this helps, anon! Best of luck! :) <3

[pompadourpink]

Bonjour! Do you have any advice on preventing work burnout? It's only my second day at a new job and there is so much to learn and I want to keep up but I dont want to seem needy. People say that I can ask for help if I need it, but I think they just say that and dont actually mean it to seem polite. I dont think anyone has time or patience to hold my hand rn and want to do their jobs without interruptions. I'm overthinking everything I do and overanalysing my performance and I'm so tired already

Hey darl (I wrote too much again),

First I recommend you take a look at this post and then this one; I believe they are the most important ones I've written.

Work burnout is a symptom of insecurity. It tells me that you see your value in obedience, in productivity, in discipline. That you were probably a tortured student. That you spent entire nights rewriting conversations because you didn't like your performance.

However, darling girl, you are not a puppy at a show dog and no one is asking you to be that. Well, for you to be like that now, maybe your parents did when you were younger. They should not have.

Your manager didn't hire you to carry the whole company on your shoulders. No one is asking you to be Atlas or Sisyphus and to sleep at the office and to tattoo their logo on your forehead. Your colleagues know that beginnings are hard and deciding that you know their "true" intentions is only going to make your life more difficult.

Before doing this, I worked at two big companies and hated my time there. The second one was objectively terrible, but the first one could have been a better memory if I hadn't been stuck in a type-A/eldest daughter mindset that drove me to take on too much and make promises I couldn't keep, which led to exhaustion and a mediocre to bad relationship with most colleagues as they felt judged and threatened by my attitude.

So, short-term answers:

Find a couple of people you like and get in touch once you have several questions. If it's an option, skype them asking if they have five minutes and either drop by their office or call them. Be pleasant and eager, not apologetic (I found that acting like you have a broken paw makes people aggressive because you have no reason to be afraid of them and are still acting like you're expecting the worst from them).

Do what you are asked, ask for feedback, be on time, present well, have a courteous but professional relationship with your supervisors and closest colleagues, go home. No extra unpaid work, no parties, no social media (and don't explain yourself). Protect yourself. Don't give ammo to the angry.

Breathing exercises and yoga. Have lunch alone, outside, in silence. Listen to the birds. Prioritise socialising and the things that make you happy.

Long-term answers:

Have a friend come over during the weekend and do three things: declutter the whole house, spring clean, meal prep dinners + freeze them. I remember very well how exhausted I was back in 2018: I'd go home, slump on the couch, put on some Golden Girls in the background and rot the entire evening. I wasted a lot of money on takeout. Make your routine as effortless as possible and rot away if that is what you need. And you do.

Therapy. Easy answer but remember what I said: this is not a personality trait, it's a symptom. You need to revisit the way you see yourself, your definition of happiness (if you have one at all), your goals, your relationship with work and duty, the weight of your education on your current lifestyle.

Self-love. I don't know how long you've been a reader but I beat depression in 2020 after battling it since I was a teen; although cutting ties or therapy helped, the real key was found in love. Get some pictures of yourself when you were a kid and talk to that little girl. Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her the amazing things that happened since the pic was taken. Tell her about your dreams. Give her the compliments she's been wanting to hear this whole time. Apologise for treating her like crap, starving her, calling her ugly, neglecting her needs, whatever it is. Put those pictures up in your flat, keep one in your wallet, make one your phone's background. And every time you feel like being mean to yourself, look at her and ask yourself if she deserves it. And every time you make eye contact with a pic, tell her "I love you". Out loud. Treat yourself how you would treat her if you had custody. Hug her when she's sad, put her to bed when she's tired, get her snacks and a show when she's sick, surround her exclusively with people who understand how special she is. Because she really is the best little girl.

Good luck, darling. It's a long way but it's worth the hassle.

Much love,

Mum

[gothhabiba]

Pysch anon- in the past, I’ve thought things that were not Consistent With Reality, but that I don’t know were necessarily delusions? Like, I had the classic abused person’s belief that everyone I knew hated me and wished me harm and that I wasn’t human (but given my circumstances that wasn’t really irrational), or I’ve briefly been convinced that I was a god or other people were actually robots who merely seemed human, ((I still have ask-length restrictions, sorry) 1/4)

(2/4) but I knew that these were thoughts I ought to not entertain, and they went away on their own if I refused to do so. For the past several months now, I’ve been having hallucinations, mostly of seeing people, animals, etc. that aren’t there. They aren’t distressing, and for much of the time it’s been happening I’ve been able to dismiss it as something else, so they aren’t really affecting my life, and aside from them, I’m doing better mentally than I have been maybe ever.

(3/4) The main things that are upsetting about them are 1.) having another thing that I can’t really safely talk about w other people and 2.) having my perception called into question again after I had to work so hard to be able to trust it. So now I’m not sure what I should do. I’m in therapy for the abuse trauma right now, and my therapist has been v chill about other stigmatized issues I’ve talked about, but I’m still hesitant to bring this up,

(4/4) and since it’s Probably not brain cancer and I’d prefer to save my “credibility” and goodwill for actually-distressing physical issues, it seems like a bad idea to tell my GP. As someone who’s been through similar stuff, do you have any advice on dealing with any of this? Tysm in advance.

I don't know how much help I'll be since I haven't been involved with a therapist or psychiatrist for the last 8 years or so, & my fixed idea + hallucination stuff didn't really come on until later. I think you have a few things to weigh against each other here—

A diagnosis of any psychotic disorder makes people more likely to be forcibly institutionalised and discredited by court systems (e.g. if seeking custody of a child or defending oneself from criminal allegations). Diagnosis may also be necessary to receive certain kinds of treatment. If you're not distressed by your symptoms or seeking treatment at this time, it's all risk and no gain on that front.

If you feel that your therapist is generally supportive and you'd like to be able to talk about this with them, I think it makes sense to trust your gut on that one (as in, you of course know this therapist better than I do)—but maybe ask how any notes they take about you are used by or accessible to anyone else, including if you switch practices, and what their practices with diagnosis are (i.e., some therapists or psychiatrists may withhold official diagnosis for the above reasons).

You express some concern that this could be something with a more definite physical etiology—do you have any other symptoms, or any family history of (brain) tumors? If so, either of those things may be enough to talk to your GP about without mentioning the hallucinations.

It's absolutely maddening (ha) that we have to juggle these kinds of things against each other when trying to receive care for things. I hope you can get some resolution soon, whatever you chuse to do 💜

[alexenglish]

cw detailed eating and food talk, but i need advice from people who are good at eating meals, which sounds bonkers but bear with me

i wanna preface this by saying i don't have a bad relationship with food itself, i didn't know what a calorie was until i was like 24, i don't diet, and i'm not a picky eater. i enjoy food and have a neutral-positive relationship with food, but i am not a consistent eater and it's really difficult for me to get into the habit of eating meals which is not good for my energy or my stomach !!

i have symptoms of hypoglycemia but not diabetes, and i also do not experience normal hunger signals. so instead of 'feeling hungry' in a normal sense, i can get extra tired or have migraine symptoms or immediate and severe blood sugar drops, but my stomach doesn't 'grumble' - which has happened my whole life, a lot of times i don't know i'm hungry until my blood sugar is tanking. which was super hard as a child because i would just like... start screaming and crying and my mom would buy me orange juice.

so it's not ideal for consistent meal times because a lot of time, by the time i realize i'm hungry, i'm literally on the edge of a blood sugar crash and don't have time to cook.

in addition to that, i'm also not good at cooking because it's a ton of energy one way or the other. prepping is energy, cooking is energy, cleaning up is energy...

there are things i enjoy cooking, but since i don't feel hunger in a regular way, it's hard to know how much time to give myself to cook before i eat. so if cook+prep takes an hour or two, will i be hungry when its ready? or on the flip side, will my blood sugar crash as i'm making it and i'll need to eat something else immediately?

i realize this could be solved by prepping and storing meals, but i also do not grocery shop myself. other members of the household are the ones to grocery shop and tend to buy for family meals that are made on certain days, and i have a lot of discomfort around both asking for ingredients for meals that are intended only for myself and also shopping at groceries stores myself because that's one of the top 5 things that take a ton of energy out of me. it's like work, grocery stores, hanging out with friends/family outside of the house, cooking, cleaning floors... you get it.

so that's a hang up, but i also just need to build better habits because i know once i'm on a consistent eating schedule that will benefit my stomach, my energy levels, and i also have a theory that if i eat more consistently, my body will start regulating and sending me accurate hunger signals lmao

my family does dinner extremely regularly so that's my consistent meal of the day, so it's really daytime meals that i struggle with the most. but breakfast is ALSO a hang up for me, because it's hard for me to wake up and want food? i'm not sure that's normal or will change, but it's been that way my whole life and it makes early morning commitments difficult because i always know i need to eat before i leave the house but i don't want to.

anyway all that to say, my ask to anyone who's reading this, do you have any tricks and tips for building better eating habits?

the best thing for me personally would be to start small, like integrating one food habit in during the day and making it a habit. i've been thinking about getting into protein shakes to like, supplement my day until i can get into better meal habits, but i'd just love to hear some ideas from anyone who might have suggestions or things that worked for them, etc etc~

[multiplicity-positivity]

do you know ways to get unfrontstuck? ive been here for about 4 days, and i cant contact anyone in system. typically we switch a lot or often rapid switch as we switch easily and are a bigger system. our system partner has tried triggering out some others that have been fronting a lot recently or front easily, and nothing. sometimes it feels like someone is trying to switch in, but then just, don't and are gone from the fronting area again. i don't know what to do at this point, and waiting it out is a bit detrimental to the systems health, as I've been on the verge of having a meltdown, since i can't handle our autism symptoms as well as the others. (im assuming its because i am a symptom holder.)

sorry if this sounds a bit venty, i just wanna know if you guys had any advice on getting unfrontstuck.

hey, so some additional context might be helpful for us to provide the best advice. stuff like, did something happen when you switched in that might have caused you to remain frontstuck? has your system dealt with frontstuck members in the past? is your system going through something stressful, traumatic, or otherwise harmful that may be preventing switches?

we have no end-all-be-all advice that can guarantee a switch. however, in our system, there’s a few things we can do to try and trigger alters out. things like playing an alter’s favorite music or video game, putting together their favorite food, or otherwise engaging with an activity we know they enjoy can sometimes bring them to the front. asking our system gatekeeper to pull out the host also works for getting him (who is usually frontstuck) away from the front.

some systems have had luck with people outside the system requesting a particular alter’s presence. this doesn’t work for us, and from what you’ve described, it sounds like it may not work for you either.

maybe a tulpamancy switching guide could help you loosen up in order to allow a switch to take place. we haven’t vetted these sources, but here’s some switching guides we pulled from online.

in our experience, some patience can go a long way when it comes to dealing with frontstuck members. if you’re trying hard all the time to trigger a switch, that could be making it less likely for a switch to take place. some patience and a calm, relaxed environment may remedy this.

good luck with everything - we know how much it sucks to be frontstuck when you really don’t want to be. we hope you’re able to switch out with another headmate sometime soon!

🐢 kip and 🌸 margo