#if i had the time i would 100% turn this into a full-length fanfic

[battleangelaelita]

Yet another post-canon Azula plot bunny

This time, with 100% more trans fem energy.

I've actually had this one for a while, and discussed it at length with @jusendork on discord. But due to an unfortunate run-in with malware, and discord support being useless as ever, my account and all the dm convos are lost forever now, so I figured I'd put it up on here so the idea itself does not fall down the memory hole.

So this came as a result of my unfortunate tendency to write right up to the line about trans adjacent characters, but never really go all the way despite being trans fem myself (see every Ranma 1/2 fanfic I have ever written). So this ones for all my sisters out there.

We begin the fic ten years after the ending of ATLA, and we're just going to sidestep the comics. The inciting incident is an attempt on the life of Fire Lord Zuko; the plot fails, but with as of yet no heir, the Fire Lord is in a politically difficult situation.

Wanting to settle this matter discretely, Zuko turns to his old friends to find the whereabouts of his sister, to determine whether she had any part in the plot, and if not, to return her safely to the capital so that there will be a line of succession. Unfortunately for him, he's a bit hard up for people able and willing to help. Ultimately, only Katara, ambassador from the Southern Water Tribe, and Mai are able and willing, no matter how reluctantly.

I've decided to borrow one note from the comics and have Zuko have split with Mai. Whether he is married to someone else for political reasons, I have not decided. The first leg will be told primarily from Katara's point of view as the outsider to the family dynamics. In the search, she's trying to peel back the layers of resentment and secrets. Mai knows more than she let's on.

Azula herself has been living under an assumed name in Ba Sing Se, disappearing into the anonymous mass with the help of a few of the former Dai Li who remained loyal. I've mulled various different trades she may have plied to survive, from organized crime to more reputable trades, but ultimately they are not important. The key is that she's basically been disassociating the past ten years, and the sudden arrival of people from her past dredges up everything she's been trying to forget.

The keystone of all this is that Azula is a trans girl, and it always was a sordid little secret of the royal family. Her father's (selective) affirmation of this was just another part of controlling her. From the moment his 'son' made 'his' first flames when 'his' mother humored 'his' protestations, Ozai saw an opportunity. 'Azulon' the Younger can play at being a girl, but only if she's the best. And she certainly can't go back on filial piety.

The main theme of it will be transmisogyny in all its forms. And I'd hope to do it in such a way that conserves the scenes in the original; events occur as they did in the show proper, but flashbacks are of course in full unreliable narrator. So the changes would be things that recontextualize events, not change them.

This is of course one of those ideas I may not actually get around to, so please don't stop if you're thinking along similar lines or if you got inspiration from this. But I really just had a good hard think about how Azula in fanon gets this sort of degendering; a character commonly perceived as a cis lesbian, and the commonalities lesbians have with trans women in how they're treated for existing outside the bounds of patriarchal norms, treated as violent, predatory, emotionally unstable, and masculinized. So i thought I'd just steer into this skid, and write her as a trans lesbian, because I can. There's few things as subversive as treating a character as having been trans and passing the entire time.

[thewildsophia]

WordGirl//Dr. Two Brains x Reader

A/N: Back on my bullshit again lmaoo. Idk why but my sister reminded me of how 6-year-old me was in love with Two Brains back in like 2010. Anyway, I'm very disappointed by the shattering lack of fanfics for this guy. So, like always, I made my own headcanons for him. I actually do have a full fanfic drafted out for him, but I'm not sure when it will be finished.

A/N pt 2: LMAO I FORGOT TO TAG THIS PERSON. So I got the idea from an ask on @cheese-induced-madness ‘s page about an affectionate reader and wanted to do my own version of it.

A/N pt 3: so apparently it wasn’t cheese induced madness who posted the prompt I was referencing??? I had to search for it again but it was actually by @dearest-painter. Sorry!

Words: 1489

"Read More Link" placed due to length

Dr. Two Brains x Affectionate!Reader

I imagine it’s in Reader's nature to be both physically and verbally kind, but with Dr. Two Brains their affection is multiplied by like 100 lmao.

And Dr. Two Brains LOVES it omg.

Two Brains is also affectionate in nature but doesn’t show it often until you and him become official. I mean, he loves his henchmen but he doesn’t always treat them the best :/

You and him are probably both touch-starved sorry I don’t make the rules. But that’s okay because you have each other.

You would often try to be in physical contact with him as much as possible: brushing shoulders, holding hands, bonking heads, anything really that allows you to touch him. It’s your own brand of affection and he doesn’t mind the unconventional choice of touch.

I feel like he’s also weird with the way he chooses to show physical affection. Like yes, he enjoys hugs and holding hands, but he also gives little love bites while kissing you or he straight up just walks up to you and bites your shoulder. He’s very careful with his teeth tho.

You often try to keep him calm while he’s working on things. Squeaky doesn’t let him rest much, so Two Brains gets antsy when he’s not being productive.

He may have been working on something for hours on end without taking any breaks, so you’ll walk up behind him, rest your chin on his shoulder, and lace your fingers with his, stopping his motions. He’d ask you what’s wrong before you’d hug him, wrapping his own arms around his waist and kissing his cheek. 

He’d giggle at the ticklish sensation of your lips on his skin and shake from being embraced so tightly. You’d whisper sweet nothings into his ear before letting go of him and allowing him to turn around and face you. 

If you told him to take a break, he’d do it in a heartbeat for you. 

You’d cook sometimes for him, and other times he’d cook for you. Most dishes have cheese in them, but occasionally he’s able to eat something small without cheese and squeaky not getting upset at it. 

I could see you two carrying each other around the secret hideout at random times. Like you could be doing your work or cooking and he’s on your back. Or Two Brains may be working on some invention and you’re on his back, arms wrapped around his neck and legs hugging his waist. 

You can’t tell me he doesn’t have the strength to do so. And since I’m tall and strong you’re also strong. Sorry, I make the rules now lmao. 

You also like to carry him with him facing you and peppering kisses across his face and neck, leaving him a flustered and stuttering mess in your arms. 

Sleeping with this man (not like that (¬_¬") ) is so random and never consistent. He sleeps at random times, sometimes late at night, other times in the middle of the afternoon. 

The only consistent thing is how he chooses to sleep with you.

He often begs you to go to sleep with him even if you just woke up. He says that you calm him enough to actually fall asleep and that you keep squeaky at bay. 

If you just woke up you’ll lay with him until he falls asleep and then go back to whatever you do. If you were just about to go to bed then there’s no problem!

I will say that this man is ALWAYS all over you. He often likes to lay on you lmao. Even if he didn’t start off laying on you - like if you two were originally just next to each other - you’ll wake up in the morning barely being able to breathe because this man is laying on you like you’re the fucking mattress. 

Two Brains will apologize with this small voice and it’s hard to stay man at him. 

He also likes to snuggle into you. Two Brains likes to lay his head under your chin and face in your neck where he’ll kiss you while his arms wrap around your waist with legs tangled. 

He likes it when you gently comb your fingers through his hair, being careful of the mouse brains, and whisper quiet words of affirmation to him. He falls asleep FAST. 

Little. Spoon. Fr.

This man just LOVES to be held and you hold him so gently okay??? 🥺

He feels secure in your arms. You hold him firmly yet carefully and he’s never felt so loved than in those quiet moments. 

Two Brains probably gets a little jealous when you also dote on his henchmen. He knows that it’s just your nature to be kind and physically affectionate, so he doesn’t actually get mad when he catches you squeezing their shoulders or hugging the two together. 

He’s just a little jealous that it isn’t him you’re holding (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

He gets over it fast when you run up to his and rest your head on his shoulder. Or better yet you, literally, sweep him off his feet and deposit the both of you somewhere else.

When it comes to dealing with the mouse brain, your verbal affection shines. 

There are some days when Two Brains and his mouse brain disagree with each other, the mouse brain usually berating Two Brains. You’re there to comfort him and get the mouse brain back in line.

Because of that, the mouse brain doesn’t particularly like you. It thinks you're nothing more than an obstacle in the way of acquiring more cheese. When Squeaky took control he forced Two Brains to push you as far away as possible. It hurt, but you knew those weren’t the actions of Two Brains himself.

When Two Brains was allowed to be himself again this man was crying, BEGGING for your forgiveness and him affirming how much he loved you and didn’t want you to leave him.

You told him you were never mad at him and THREW himself at you. Bro had you pinned down on the ground just by laying on you and crying into your chest. He didn’t move for a few hours lmao.

Two Brains gets flustered a lot. He’s not used to much verbal affection considering he’s a villain and all. Even when he was just Steven no one really paid mind to him in that way.

So whenever you say something simple like, “You look handsome today, as you do every day.” or “You’re so pretty <3” he absolutely loses his mind. This man is blushing and stuttering like a little schoolboy omggg.

He also just really appreciates hearing you say kind things about him; Two Brains doesn’t have the best self-esteem. He’s more than confident in his intelligence, but not so much in the physical department.

He knows that he looks…odd. Not many people found him attractive when he was Steven, and even less now as Dr. Two Brains. So hearing you say he’s pretty and that you love him makes his day every time.

But he doesn’t just receive compliments from you; He makes sure to voice just how much he loves you the same way you do. 

He says casual things like, “You’re so sweet.” or “Oh, look how pretty my S/O is.” It’s so cute really, he can’t help but blush whenever he’s trying to compliment you. You just make him so nervous sometimes because you’re so beautiful/handsome (whatever you prefer) to him.

In more intimate movements like when you two are cuddling or just enjoying each other’s presence in the few fleeting free moments, Two Brains is much more confident in what he says. He’s not as much of a blushing mess as when you two are around his henchmen or Wordgirl. He’ll whisper how much he loves and adores you, pressing gentle kisses to your skin in between breathless praises.

However, if you say even the simplest of compliments to him in these moments, all of his previous confidence leaves his body and he’s back to the muttering, stumbling mess he usually is. 

Call him pretty, call him smart, call him kind he absolutely loves every word you say about him. Just be careful with how much you say in one sitting because one complements too many and he’ll start crying from how much he loves you.

Two Brains is a sucker for praise. His henchmen often praise him for his intelligence and ingenuity with his creations, but this man will do anything for you to praise him.

Two Brains will make inventions based on your late-night ramblings or he’ll cook and clean for you; This man would pull the stars out of the night skies as a gift for you if you only said the word.

Dr. Two Brains is completely and totally infatuated with you and he’s so lucky that he’s found someone who is equally infatuated with him.

[effable-ineffability]

Prompt: unfallen Crowley (idc if Raphael headcanon or not) has a higher ranking than aziraphale in heaven. Slowly falls in love with aziraphale through the ages, but weird dynamic because of rank. Aziraphale much worse at lying to Gabriel with no demon to learn from. Gabriel has little “punishments” for Aziraphale if he messes up a miracle. Crowley doesn’t know until he finds Aziraphale delirious with exhaustion after trying to do enough miracles to make up for fudging one. Please angst.

i gotchu anon i am here for the angst but also i am a sucker for happy endings let these boys be happy ok

honestly, i waver back and forth on raphael hc, because i absolutely love the idea, but at the same time, it’s nice to think that crowley was a no-one in heaven and is a no-one in hell and still manages to fuck up all their plans; so anyway, i left it up to interpretation and just refer to him as “crowley” because i can because maybe it’s just the name he chose to blend in with humans because his angel name is a bit too obvious?  reader’s choice 👍

long boi here because i found myself thinking that i could write an entire novel-length fanfic about this.  perhaps one day… 

--

Aziraphale stumbled into his bookshop, only remembering to lock the door behind him at the very last moment before very nearly tripping into the armchair across the shop.  He put a hand on his head and tried to get his eyes to focus on something, but was a little surprised to find that he seemed to have two - no, three - desks, and rather more bookshelves than he seemed to remember having installed.  The word exhausted came to mind, but he wasn’t really sure what to do with it.

“Aziraphale, is that you?” came a voice descending the stairs.  “Thought I heard you come in, expected you’d be back some time ago, been waiting--- Aziraphale?”

“Oh, yes, hello,” Aziraphale said in a cheery but slightly slurred voice.  “Yes, I’m back.”

Crowley dropped the cups of tea he was holding; they forgot to shatter, and simply landed upright on the floor.  He rushed over to the other angel and took Aziraphale’s face in his hands.  “What happened?” he asked urgently, his thumb rubbing against Aziraphale’s cheek.

“S’nothing,” Aziraphale slurred.

“You’re bleeding,” Crowley said, his voice a little sharper than he’d meant it.

“M’not.”

Crowley took his hand back and showed it to Aziraphale; there was gold staining his thumb and palm.  “You’re bleeding from your eyes, what happened?”

“S--- s’nothing,” he mumbled, swatting Crowley’s three hands away.  That didn't seem like the right number of hands.

Crowley didn’t relent, wiping up more of the shining blood-tears with a frown.  In a low, almost dangerous tone, he asked, “Did someone hurt you?”

It had been just over three thousand years that Crowley had been stationed on Earth with Aziraphale.  At first, he had thought it was a punishment for something he’d done, or maybe someone had heard him asking too many questions.  He was assured that no, he’d done nothing wrong, and that the angel Aziraphale simply required extra assistance and/or oversight from someone of higher rank, and that Crowley would be quite good for the job.

At first, he’d found Aziraphale to be a bit too by-the-book and uptight.  But over the centuries, Crowley found himself becoming rather fond of the other angel; still by-the-book and uptight, but instead of annoying, these characteristics became endearing.  They would argue regularly; at first, Crowley’s exasperation could get overwhelming, but these days, he found himself smiling, even while shooting down another of Aziraphale’s ridiculous ideas.

And lately, he had found himself not even arguing.

“No,” Aziraphale said as firmly as he could manage (which was with all the firmness of yogurt).

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I-it wasn’t--- it was-was me, I-I had to---”

“You had to what?”

Aziraphale frowned, dropping his eyes; he had been a little confused as to why Crowley had decided to have two heads this evening, anyway.  “M-make up for a mistake,” he mumbled.

Crowley sighed, and wiped away the last few streaks of gold down Aziraphale’s cheeks; he didn’t much like the sound of that, but wasn’t willing to push too hard while the other angel was nearly delirious.  “Okay, here, it’s all right, you’re home now.  You should lie down, can you get upstairs?”

Aziraphale shifted and tried to stand, but collapsed right back into the chair.  He chuckled weakly and closed his eyes.  “M’fraid not.”

“Okay,” Crowley said, taking a deep breath.  “That’s all right, just stay here, I’ll make you some--- tea, some tea,” he muttered distractedly, looking around.  “Ah, yes.”  He picked up the two mugs from where they were waiting, and pressed one into Aziraphale’s hands, refusing to let him not take it.  Crowley sat down on the floor, resting his arms on Aziraphale’s legs to keep an eye on the other.  “It’s chamomile,” he said when Aziraphale just sat in silence with his eyes closed.

“Your chamomile?”  Aziraphale’s voice was soft, and a little cracked, as if it was coming from somewhere deep in his chest and had to climb out of a fresh grave.

“Mmhm,” Crowley confirmed, nudging Aziraphale’s hand a bit with his own.  “Your favorite.”

Aziraphale’s lips twitched, and he hummed a little, but still didn’t lift the mug.

Crowley could remember the day he realized the difference between his usual feelings of angelic love and the warmth of the encompassing love he felt for Aziraphale.  It had been a few centuries ago, when Crowley had first taken up gardening.  He had purchased a tea plant, and spent an afternoon researching how to care for, harvest, dry, and brew it all properly - only to realize that he had done all of this simply because he wanted to make a proper cup of tea for Aziraphale.

Their ranks made it all rather difficult, though; consorting with subordinates was generally frowned upon.  So Crowley kept his realizations to himself; rule-following Aziraphale certainly wouldn’t be interested, anyway.

“Try it,” Crowley said gently, nudging Aziraphale’s hand again.  “It’ll help.”

Aziraphale swallowed, and shakily lifted the mug to his lips.  “Smells lovely,” he managed, taking the smallest of sips.  “Mm.”  But it really did seem to help, because he took a second sip before lowering his arm again.  His hand bumped against Crowley’s.  Neither of them shifted to change that.  He took a deep breath, and opened his eyes.  Concern was etched in every corner of Crowley’s face.  “Hello, my dear,” Aziraphale said, touching his cheek with a little smile.

Crowley relaxed, if only a little.  “Told you it would help.  Keep drinking.  Can you tell me what happened?  I can’t heal you if I don’t know what happened.  Please.”

“Oh, no, none of that is necessary,” Aziraphale assured him, taking another sip.  “Mm, it really is quite good.”

“Aziraphale.”

“There’s nothing to heal,” Azirphale said gently, “because it’s just exhaustion.  No injuries.”

“What in God’s name---”

“Really now---”

“---have you done to get yourself so bloody exhausted?”  Crowley ignored the interruption; he’d blaspheme if he felt like it.  It wasn’t the first time, and he hadn’t Fallen yet.  “You must have had to do a thousand bloody miracles in an hour to bleed from your eyes.”

“Well,” Aziraphale said, avoiding his gaze, “it was closer to four hundred, I think, but---”

“Four hundred in an hour?” Crowley interjected.  “What the--- why?”

But it seemed like Aziraphale couldn’t answer.  He looked into his tea for a moment, then took a few more sips.  “I’ll be quite all right,” he said with his best attempt at assurance.  “So really, the tea was lovely, but---”

“Aziraphale.”  Crowley set his mug down and rose up to his knees to hold the other’s face again.  “Why won’t you tell me what happened?”

Bright blue eyes looked at him, and Crowley waited.  He waited as the seconds stretched into minutes.  He was quite prepared to wait if the minutes wanted to stretch right on into hours as well.  But then Aziraphale’s face fell, and tears - real tears - began welling in his eyes; he couldn’t keep this up any longer.  “I messed up a blessing,” he whispered.  “A-and Gabriel--- well, he said I’d have to fix it, so-so I tried, I tried to fix it all, a-and---”  He took a great, shuddering breath, and Crowley stood without thinking in order to hold him as he broke down.  Aziraphale clutched onto him, sobbing into his chest.

“Sh,” Crowley murmured, stroking his hair.  “It’s all right, you’re all right.  S’just us here, and I’ll take care of you.  You’ll be all right.”

While his hands and voice were as gentle as ever, anger was boiling inside of him.  Vitriolic, unadulterated anger.  He knew Aziraphale might not always be the best with the blessings and big miracles, but to punish him like this?  To push him to the point of near-discorporation?  If his desire to nurse Aziraphale back to health hadn’t been so strong, he would have teleported straight to heaven in that instant and had a word with Gabriel.  Several words.  And probably a few punches, as well.

“I’m sorry,” Aziraphale managed a few minutes later, hiccuping slightly.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--- and it’s such a nice shirt---”

Crowley didn’t let him go.  “It’s fine,” he assured him.  “It’s just a shirt.”

“I-I think there was--- just a bit more blood---”

“Just a shirt,” Crowley said again firmly.  Then he sighed.  He had hugged Aziraphale before, had held him while he cried.  And every time, it brought about these terribly conflicting emotions.  Oh, he’d do anything for Aziraphale; but just once, he wanted to hold him when he wasn’t crying.  “Are you feeling all right?”

Aziraphale hummed confirmation.  His hands were still gripping the back of Crowley’s shirt, and he hadn’t fully lifted his head.  “Much better.  Think I just… needed to get that out.  Thank you,” he mumbled.  “I-I know it’s just tea, and… and watching me cry, but.  But you always take care of me.  Always.  And you do it so well.  Thank you.”

“Mmn yeah, well.”  Crowley felt himself frowning, and was glad Aziraphale couldn’t see it.  “What else are friends for?”

“Hmm.”  Aziraphale shifted slightly, and put the side of his head against Crowley’s chest.  “Mm yes, friends.”

“What’s that tone for?”

“What tone?”

“Doubt, there was doubt in your voice.  You don’t think you’re my friend?”

“I don’t think I’m just a friend, my dear.”

Crowley’s heart skipped an unnecessary beat, and he tried to pull back; but Aziraphale kept him held tight.  “What are you talking about?” Crowley muttered, feeling heat creep up his neck.

“I can hear it, you know,” Aziraphale said, tilting his head slightly to indicate the ear pressed over Crowley’s heart.  “I always can when you hold me.  And it’s so very comforting.”

“You’re--- you’re feverish, don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I?”  Aziraphale pulled back and smiled up at Crowley.  “I am feeling a bit warm, I think, but I also know what love sounds like.”

“Course you do, we’re angels.”

“All kinds of love, my dear.”  He tapped Crowley’s chest.  “And that is not the same love you have for the world around us.”

Crowley was flustered.  “Look, you’re clearly feeling better, so let’s get you up to your bed so you can lie down, all right?  Maybe even sleep off the rest of this--- this--- whatever this is.”

Aziraphale giggled a little and let Crowley pull him to his feet.  They didn’t speak as they made their way upstairs and to the bedroom, where Aziraphale shed his shoes, jacket, and waistcoat before collapsing into the pillows.  He lay still for a moment - Crowley collected the discarded clothes and laid them out for whenever Aziraphale awoke - but finally turned to look at the redhead.  “Can I hear it again?” he asked.

“Hear what?”

Aziraphale made a grabbing motion with his hands, and Crowley found himself drifting over to him as if magnetized.  “I know you can’t say it out loud, so let me hear it from your heart,” Aziraphale murmured, taking Crowley’s wrist when he got close enough and tugging him down onto the bed.

“Aziraphale, I-I don’t---”  But his protests died in his throat as Aziraphale pushed him down against the pillows and shifted to lay down with his head on Crowley’s chest.  To his credit, Crowley showed an admirable effort in keeping himself composed.

“It’s really quite lovely,” Aziraphale said, then yawned.  “I wish you’d let me hear it more often.”

Hesitantly, Crowley wrapped an arm around Aziraphale; the sleepy angel smiled, so Crowley added his other arm.  “How long have you known?” he whispered.

“Long enough.”  Aziraphale’s eyes fluttered closed.  “Did you think you were hiding it?”

“I’d hoped I was.”

“No such luck, I’m afraid.”  His voice was starting to drift.  “Don’t worry.  It’ll be our secret.”

“Our,” Crowley repeated, and couldn’t help but smile just a little.  “No more secrets from me, though, understand?  Next time Gabriel gets on your case, you tell me, agreed?  Otherwise, I’ll not let you hear this again.”

“Bit unfair.”

“Agreed?”

“Mmmnh yes, all right.  Agreed.”

Crowley ran his fingers through Aziraphale’s hair and stroked his back until he fell properly asleep to the steady rhythm of I love you beating between them.

[daredevils-stuffed]

Tell Me What You See

I haven't wrote smutty fanfics in about 4 years so please be kind. Send me a request or prompt for Matt/Daredevil and I will give it a go.

Character: Matt Murdock (Daredevil)

Relationship: Matt x Reader

Warnings: smutt, +18, blink and you'll misd it choking, praise kink bc Matt 100%has a praise kink. I wrote this at 3am

Prompt: I saw a post on here about how Matt would make reader fuck in front of a mirror and couldn't get it out of my head soo... Claim credit bc I can't find original post Edit:credit to @waspswidows

Summary :Matt wants to hear how you see yourself while you get fucked.

Gif credited

"Now tell me what you see" his gruff voice reminds you.

"Hmm my nipples, they're uhh getting hard at your touch, they uhm" you inhale deeply "They perk up just for you." It comes out in embarrassed whispers. He picks at them playfully as you mention them, making you and your nipples react in the way he loves. Although he can't see you, it's almost as if Matt is taking in your full naked form on display through the floor length mirror. As you adjust yourself on your knees you question how you ended up agreeing to this, but Matt pinches your left nipple hard pulling you back to real time.

"Good girl, what else?" Matt leans in and starts kissing along your neck, hands slowly travelling down your torso, teeth pulling at your lobe. His touch sets you ablaze knowing that you will have to describe every painstakingly intimate detail for him, just because he wants you too.

Your thoughts turn to what he could possibly do to you, show you how your body responds to him in front of your eyes. Your thighs clamp closer, deceiving you infront of matt.

"What else my darling, just because my eyes don't lay upon you doesn’t mean I'm clueless as to how your body works." You hum, letting him continue his ventures on your neck.

"My thighs, I'm squeezing them together, I'm thinking of all the possible ways you could fuck me" You mewl to him through the mirror, eyes following his hands as he wedges them between your thighs prying them open. The smirk on his lips sends a prickle of heat through you, his eyes are masked with pure desire glazed with a need only for you.

His own nakedness now giving him away as his erection presses hard against your back, Matt's name releases from your lips in flurries willing him to carry on.

Callus fingers bore between your dewy folds. You tell him how wet you are for him but it doesn't sound like it's coming from your mouth. You'd never be so openly vulgar, but here you are telling Matt that he's touching your clit in the most perfect way. He continues manipulating your folds, deepening his fingers as he bucks against your back, his breath erotically heavy. "You're doing so well"

Wisps of hair get in the way, falling forward as your forehead touches the mirror. You don't move them, you just watch Matt's hands and mouth at work through the reflection as his fingers dance intricately to tease you further. You let out a low whine when your senses are overridden with every touch Matt places, his mouth on your earlobe again, his torso sticking to your back, his knee digging into the sides of your legs.

"My hips - grinding -your fingers -go faster." It was getting impossibly hard for you to form a sentence. His reply was along the lines of how you were being so good for him, that you had no clue what those words were doing to him.

Cupping your sex Matt pulls you high on your knees pushing you to support yourself against the mirror, his abs peeling themselves off your back. That in itself somehow turns you on, the thought of him being so close to you he had to peel himself away, you clench the air with lustful need. Your breasts now squashed against the cold mirror, you didn't attempt to describe the position you were in to him. There were no words you knew that could begin to describe just how your body contorted for him.

Matt never wants this to end. He loves seeing what he can get you to do for him, he loves to test your limits. "I love it when you speak your filthy perfect words". He senses the mirror fogging up from your heat and it hurries him to continue.

He lines himself, teasing your folds one last time before entering you slowly, it takes everything in you not to let out a guttural scream of satisfaction. Matt hums knowing what you're holding back, but then stops and waits, leaving moments to pass before speaking "What's happening to your beautiful body now?"

Your mouth forms an oh shape in astonishment. "No Matt please, please" you squeak as you try to move on him. "I can’t-"

A treacherous hand finds its way around your neck. "You've been such a good girl so far, can your impure mind let me know what it thinks" Matt's incandescent smirk is there, will his words on.

The only way you can get what you want from Matt right now is if you give him what he wants, what he yearns to hear. Your thighs start to quiver as the vigor moves on his cock starts to lead you somewhere, all while revealing what you've always wanted to say.

"Hmm, I love the way your cock is getting me so close, so close Baby. You make me feel so good Matt. You're uh you're-" clawing at the mirror you try every which way to get grip as your pace picks up.

"Tell me baby come on" Matt's grip on your hips tells you he's just as close as you.

"You're making my toes curl, you're gunna make me Omg, I can feel myself. Oh. I think I'm gunna."

Matt moans allowed loving the vocal-visual announcement of your orgasm. His eyes scrunch tight as he takes his final movements with speed. Trying with everything in his power to relive your moans in his head until he comes.

He pulls you off his and settles you between his legs, both of your knees now red raw and sore. He gathers your wild hair and pulls it to your back, guiding your shoulders into him. He lays his forehead against your back kissing it every so often.

"I'm never washing that mirror, you can see the outline of your boobs so perfectly" He chuckles, you too exhausted to respond just roll your eyes.

[tswaney17]

I Do Bad Things with You  - Part 30

Has it really been almost two months since I lasted posted an update to this fic? Shit, I’m so sorry! This part really was a bitch to write. It fought me at every corner and I’m still not 100% happy with how it came out, but it’s time to move on and accept it for what it is. 

My head has been a bit all over the place with fic ideas and lack of motivation to write - it’s been awful to say the least. I feel like I’m slowly coming out of my slump, but I’m not totally out of the woods yet. I do have some other things in the works that I hope to finish and get posted here soon. One may or may not be a sequel to my Oh Baby headcanon, but now I need to decide if that headcanon should become a full fic first too... 

Anyways, I’m rambling. Mind the warnings and the length. This is a steamy, long piece. So grab a snack and enjoy! 😘

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​​

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💙💜💚

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy​​​​​ for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, language, NSFW

Word Count: 8,523

Light filtered in through the sway of the curtains. The distant sound of traffic carried in on the breeze from the open slider attached to the balcony.

Elain’s eyes fluttered open. The steady rhythm of Azriel’s heartbeat pattered against her cheek. Her body was pressed into the side of his, leg slotted between his thighs, head on his chest.

Azriel had an arm wrapped around her, his palm splayed over the curve of her behind.

She smiled to herself, knowing he had a thing for her ass—he was not subtle when he checked her out whatsoever.

His warm breath stirred the hairs at the top of her head and she took the opportunity to just look at him.

At his relaxed face. His hair had gotten slightly curlier than from high school. He wore it longer too, just enough for it to settle against his forehead. Long, dark lashes brushed the tops of his cheeks—lashes women would kill for. His mouth was parted slightly, lips plump and soft. Though she was aware of how bruising they could be. The night they went to Cash’s set told her as much.

Her eyes traveled down the strong column of his throat, to the arch of his trapezius muscle, and over the swell of his bicep. She realized then that he wasn’t wearing a shirt—he must’ve taken it off in the middle of the night when she was asleep.

Not that she was complaining.

His tanned, tattooed skin was warm under her cheek. Elain curved her head closer to him and kissed his chest. Her eyes peeked up at him through her lashes, seeing if he stirred. When it was clear he hadn’t woken, she rocked herself up higher over his torso and dropped a kiss to his sternum.

He moved then, arms tightening around her. His hand flexed on her ass and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from giggling.

Elain pushed herself up against his body even further and pressed her lips to the dark ink of his collarbone.

At last, hazel eyes blinked open and found her gaze. A sleepy smile crossed his face. “Good morning,” he murmured, voice deep with sleep.

It sent a shiver racing down her body; warmth pooled low in her belly. Elain had forgotten how husky he sounded early in the morning. “Hi,” she breathed, letting him get his bearings with reality.

His body shifted as he stretched underneath her and she saw the moment when he realized exactly where his hand was. Azriel snatched his hand back almost as if she had burnt him, muttering a profuse apology.

Elain laughed; the sound thick as honey. “I was wondering how long it was going to take you to realize where exactly your hand was at.”

His cheeks turned the most adorable shade of pink. “Truly, Elain. I apologize—”

She snorted, cutting him off. “There is no need to apologize, Az. Not when you and I both know that your hand being on my ass, conscious or not is no accident,” she teased. “You have always been an ass man.”

He made a sound of protest, but again, she interrupted with a wave of her hand. “You are so not subtle when you check me out. I think yesterday proved that.”

His fingers caught her chin and he brought her mouth down for a slow kiss. “It’s not my fault you’re so damn beautiful I can barely breathe.”

Elain scoffed against his lips. “What a fucking line,” she laughed.

With her distracted, she didn’t realize he had hooked an ankle over her leg until he flipped them. She let out an ungraceful yelp as she landed on her backside, glaring up at his stupidly, perfect face.

Azriel nudged her nose with his making her breath catch. His hands were in her hair, on her jaw, tilting her head up to give him access to her throat. Soft lips grazed over her fluttering pulse. “It’s not a line if it’s the truth,” he whispered onto her skin. “Exquisite,” he breathed dropping a kiss to her jaw. “Stunning,” he said onto her throat. “Intelligent,” he breathed onto her cheek.

Elain’s heart had begun to beat at what she would consider medically unsafe levels. Her fingers slid into his hair, grip tightening enough that he groaned.

“A fighter.” A kiss to her full lips. “And stubborn as hell.”

“Hey!” she pushed him backward, making him chuckle.

“I never said it was a bad thing.”

Her brow raised in defiance. “Really? You want me to be stubborn? I have never, in my life, heard of a male who wanted their woman to be stubborn.”

Azriel let out a huff of air, eyes rolling, but a grin turned up the corners of his mouth. His thumb stroked down the side of her neck. “Of course, I want you to be stubborn. You want to know why?”

“Do enlighten me.”

He flicked her lightly on the nose for the smartass comment. “I want your stubbornness because I want you to challenge me on things. To not just roll over with what I say and do. I know we’re going to fight sometimes, but I need you to be able to call me out on my bullshit, Elain. To go toe-to-toe with me.”

She blinked up at him, the pads of her fingers tracing down his temple. “And you think I’ll be able to do that?” she asked quietly, almost as if she was afraid to hear the answer. She had been passive with Graysen. Too passive. It was what made her weak to him.

Az smiled softly down at her like he could read every thought and emotion running through her mind. “You already have, Elain. You did that night at the club when you held me back.”

She expected herself to flinch at the memory and was surprised she didn’t.

“And at the fundraiser. And the fucking Gala when you almost broke my nose and threatened to throat punch me.”

Elain laughed. “I’m sorry about that.”

He grinned down at her. “Don’t be. I deserved it and you know it.”

Her fingers caressed his cheeks, feeling the stubble of his five o’clock shadow. She mapped the contours and lines of his face. The bridge of his nose. The shape of his lips and cupid's bow. “Maybe a little.”

He caught her hand in his and pressed a gentle kiss to her digits.

Honey-brown eyes traveled down the column of his throat to his broad chest. “You took your shirt off last night,” she stated, obviously.

“When I picked up last night after you had fallen asleep.”

Her eyes snapped back up to his and she turned her head to look over at her now empty nightstand.

“I sleep warm, but figured the pants with the slider cracked would make you the least uncomfortable.”

Elain’s neck twisted to look over at the open balcony. That explained why she could hear the faint callings of early morning traffic.

Azriel’s hand had slowly crept its way down to her hip, his fingers lightly tracing over the bit of skin peeking through on her waist. Even if it made her body heat, the feeling of his presence there was comforting.

She moved her hands to his shoulders, feeling the strength there. Fuck, he was so strong. He’d been holding himself over her for gods how long now? “What do you normally sleep in?” Elain asked though she had a feeling she already knew the answer.

His wicked grin gave it to her anyway.

She let out an undignified snort. “Figured as much.”

Az laughed, the sound deep and husky enough that made something slither along her bones. “I had no idea you were curious about what I did or did not sleep in.”

Her fingers tugged the hair at his nape hard enough that he purred sensually, which did nothing to help that tugging feeling low in her gut.

“I would be curious about what you sleep in, but I’m pretty sure I already know.”

Elain raised a brow. “I’ve worn my pajamas here before. I don’t know what you mean by that.” He had stripped her out of those pajamas after her nightmare and cleaned her up.

“Yes, but it wasn’t my old gym shirt from high school.”

Her cheeks flamed. “Oh my god, no.” Her hands fell from his neck to cover her face as embarrassment swallowed her. His chuckled reverberated through her body, but it made her peek through her fingers, eying him suspiciously. “Wait, that was in my bedroom. Why were you in my bedroom?”

His entire body tensed at the question. He fingered the fabric of the shirt she wore, his Adam’s apple working as he swallowed hard. The sight made something in her chest tighten—like what he was about to say was difficult for him.

Which didn’t make sense because they were talking about pajamas…right?

“I went to your apartment after you were taken.” Az kept his eyes downcast. “I was told what it looked like but I needed to see it myself. To assess the damage.” He moved his hand up to brush her hair away from her brow with his thumb. It was the gentlest of gestures. “I checked your bedroom, to see—” he cut himself off, unable to voice what he thought may have happened. “I needed to make sure…”

To see if they had done to her what Graysen had attempted.

Elain’s hands went back to his arms, sliding upwards over his shoulders to his neck and jaw. “They didn’t.”

It was like some unknown relief flooded his body and he relaxed slightly against her. Azriel let out a heavy breath that kissed her lips. “I know the kind of men that he employed, and fuck, I was so scared of what they’d do to you just to hurt me.”

She brushed her thumbs over his jaw, hating that he couldn’t even seem to look at her in guilt. “I don’t blame you for what happened, Azriel.” He still refused to meet her eyes. So, she decided to give him her truth. “I’ll admit that I think he would’ve toed the line had I not broken his nose.”

That made his gaze snap to hers. “You broke his nose?”

Elain nodded; a small, satisfied smile found its way onto her mouth. “I did, with a move Cash had taught me to use as a last resort because it likely would end up hurting me too, and it did.” Her fingers dipped to touch her forehead briefly before she returned them to his jaw. “But I refused to be weak again. Not like I was with Graysen. He needed to know I would fight back. It made him hesitate. Enough so that none of his men even came near me and neither did he. Not to that degree.”

Azriel leaned down and kissed her forehead, right where she had busted his nose. When he looked back down at her face, his hazel eyes were a golden blaze. “You are not weak, Elain. You have never been weak.”

He had always been a wordsmith and as an adult, it was no different. Even the simplest of phrases seemed to break through her barriers, always knowing what to say to her. Though something still nagged at the back of her mind—something she needed to ask. “I’m glad he’s dead,” she whispered. His face gave nothing away. “Does that make me a bad person?”

A scarred hand cradled her cheek and he let his thumb swipe over her the apple of it a few times. “No, Elain. That doesn’t make you a bad person. I don’t know of anyone who could’ve gone what you went through and not wished the same.” He let the words wash over her. “You are the strongest person I have ever met, Elain,” he began. There wasn’t an ounce of waiver to his voice and she had to swallow back the lump in her throat. “It’ll take time for you to move on from this, but I know you can and you will. Some days will be harder than others. And on those days, I’ll be here for you in however you need me. But as time moves on, you’ll find that those days become few and far between because you’ll replace them with new, happier days. And I hope that I get to stand there with you during those days as well.” The hand still on her face, wiped away the tear that rolled down her temple.

She chuckled; the sound rattled in her chest with her unshed tears. “Why do you insist on saying such nice things that make me cry?” she complained.

Azriel’s grin was blinding and he leaned down to kiss her softly. Just a gentle brush of his lips over hers. Before he reached back to take one of her hands from behind his neck and slid it down his chest over his heart.

Elain could feel its steady rhythm beneath her fingertips and palm. She let it steady her as she matched her breathing to it. “I can feel your heartbeat,” she murmured, breaking the silence that had settled over them. “It’s strong.”

Azriel let his other hand trail up her bicep to her shoulder and down the side of her body to settle back onto her hip. “It’s yours,” he answered honestly.

She could only blink up at him, the words catching in her chest. They had soothed the rough edges of her soul, but he wasn’t finished.

“My heart is yours, Elain. My whole heart has always, and will always belong to you.”

Her eyes glistened, but his thumb continued its sweeping motion to catch the tears that fell down her cheek. “I don’t think I ever got mine back from you. Even when I was engaged to him—” It was a truth she had never admitted to herself, and never out loud. “I think I knew, deep down that, that marriage would be doomed from the start. That I couldn’t give him my heart fully because it wasn’t mine to give anymore.”

Azriel touched his forehead to hers, taking a breath deep into his lungs. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but there is nothing I regret more than leaving you on the front porch, getting into my truck, and driving away. You trusted me with your heart and I broke that. I promise you that I won’t ever betray that trust again.”

“I know,” she murmured, eyes searching his. “I know you won’t, Azriel. I trust you.”

He kissed her then, more urgently than before. It was hot and needy. A clash of teeth and tongues; one that she reciprocated. But just as quickly as he kissed her, he pulled away, breathing heavily. Hazel eyes were swallowed by lust-filled black pupils.

There were words, she realized, sitting on the tip of his tongue that he was holding back because she knew he wasn’t sure whether or not they would make her uncomfortable. Her fingers curled slightly, nails digging into the flesh of his chest as she said what he wanted to. “I’m yours.” His entire body shuddered above her. “And you’re mine.”

The tether he kept on himself snapped. His hand on her face tilted her jaw up as he crashed their mouths together once more. The softness of his lips always surprised her—such a contrast to the roughness of his palms and the hardness of his body. But the demanding way they molded against hers made her chest flutter. His teeth drug her bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on the tender flesh.

Elain felt the sensation of that pull on her lip low in her belly. She moaned softly. On instinct, her body reacted, arching against him. The hand at his nape tangled in his hair, her fingers threading through the inky strands to tug him down, greedily taking more. Elain’s mouth opened for him, sighing at the first stroke of his tongue.

He released her hand from his chest to let his wander down her body, lightly touching at her waist until it joined his other at her hips. Azriel settled himself over her, still holding most of his weight through his knees and elbows, but she could feel everything.

Every hard edge of his torso pressed into all of her soft curves. Even through the t-shirt she wore, she could feel the heat of his body, the essence of him. It seeped through her skin and warmed her down to her bones.

And yet, she wanted more.

More, more, more.

Azriel’s scarred hands were on her bare waist, having slipped under her shirt. His touch was like a brand in the best of ways. The movement of his mouth sent shivered promises wracking through her body. Promises of where else that wicked tongue might one day ravish.

The idea only fueled her on more. Her hands couldn’t sit still. They were in his hair, on his shoulders, scratching lightly down his back. Without thinking, her hips rolled into his, feeling every hard inch of him press into her aching center.

The moan that left her throat should’ve embarrassed her, but it didn’t.

And it clearly only spurred Azriel on more as his lips left her mouth and traveled down her jaw to her throat. His hands were sliding up and down the length of her torso, over her ribcage, but never quite reaching up to where she wanted him to.

“Off,” she whined, her voice a husky whisper. Dark eyes snapped up to look at her face, his breath caressing her lips. She knew what he was looking for, what the golden ring left of his irises was searching for on her face.

He knew what she was asking without her even needing to elaborate. “Are you sure?” he questioned through his heavy breathing.

Her breasts tightened at the hungry look on his face. She dropped one of her hands to fist the front of the shirt she wore. “Take it off,” she told him definitively.

Azriel’s hands left her heated skin to tug her t-shirt up.

She helped as best as she could, arching her back at first, then lifting her head and shoulders until the grey fabric was slipped off and tossed behind him.

His gaze met and held hers, not letting his eyes wander until she gave him the okay. Once she nodded, his normal whiskey-colored eyes swept downwards.

Elain was pretty sure she stopped breathing as he looked his fill. Her cheeks heated and she knew that blush had extended to where his eyes were focused on. Could feel his stare burning into her skin, but when finally looked back up at her face, it was adoration she found lining his features. Adoration and devotion.

“You are so beautiful, Elain.” He leaned forward to kiss the center of her stomach, then slowly slid his mouth up until he hovered between the valley of her breasts. “I can’t tell you how much you tormented me in that dress.” She knew which one he was referring to. “Every time you wear it, I’m seconds from getting on my knees before you.” He dropped a kiss to her heated skin, making her squirm beneath him.

One of his hands slid up, over the slope of her waist, across her ribcage to the underneath side of her breast. The soft brush of his thumb made her breath catch in her throat. His eyes shot to hers, watching her carefully as he crept his palm up higher until his thumb could circle over her pebbled nipple.

Her back arched under his touch, sultry sounds escaping her parted lips. Elain’s eyes fluttered closed as she focused on the circular motions of his thumb. The bed dipped as Azriel’s sinful mouth returns to her neck, nipping at the sensitive skin there, then let his tongue lap the hurt away. Her hands slipped back into his hair, gripping hard.

He growled against her throat, the sound vibrating into her and making her shiver, but he kept his pace steady. “Fuck, you’re so soft,” he breathed, thumb and forefinger pinching at her nipple.

Elain cried out at the quick, sharp pain that sent bolts of pleasure running straight to her core. As Azriel continued to worship her neck and breast, she felt herself begin to drip. Her hips bucked up slightly, searching for him to relieve the ache that was building.

A scarred hand gripped the back of her knee and pulled it up onto his hip, allowing him to sink further into her. They both gasped when his hard length pressed into her and on instinct, Elain brought her other knee up giving him more room to thrust into her.

And advantage he took. Azriel’s movements were slow, dragging out the pleasure of it.

He did everything right. Had stroked every ember in her until that warmth had turned into an inferno. It was hotter than what she had felt the night after the fundraiser. Her body was ready, could feel the moisture that had seeped through the boxes she wore. But even with every part of her body was primed to go forward, something nagged at the back of her mind.

The awful sound of a belt tinkling flooded her brain made her body go cold. Glass shattering and the smell of tequila and cheap cologne invaded every thought. She knew it wasn’t real—the sound was purely from her memory—but it didn’t stop the goosebumps from erupting down her skin.

“Elain.”

She heard the change in his voice, felt him lift his head off her neck.

Azriel’s movements stopped and his hand left her chest immediately. “Elain, take a breath.”

Had her breathing changed? Shit, it had. She wasn’t panting in need anymore; her breaths were far too short. “Wait,” she finally got the word out that probably should’ve been said a while ago. Elain would be eternally grateful that Azriel could read her body better than she clearly could.

Her eyes were still shut and her fingers hadn’t left his hair, but she slowed her breathing.

He brought a hand up to her jaw again, stroking it lightly. “Talk to me, Elain.”

She slowly opened her eyes to find him looking down at her with concern. Her cheeks-tinged pink under his scrutiny. “I’m sorry—”

“No,” he stated adamantly. “Do not apologize for not being ready. Ever.” When she gave him a confirming nod, he rolled off her to retrieve her shirt from the floor and handed it back to her.

Elain’s cheeks burned as she shucked the fabric back on and sat crisscross on his bed, fingers fiddling with each other in her lap.

Azriel settled in front of her. “Tell me what’s going on,” he said softly.

She met his gaze. Saw much of the hazel color had replaced the lust that was there only moments before. It amazed her how he could control his body and bring it down like that, knowing her own was not doing that at all. “I was okay for the most part. My body reacted how it should’ve. It was my mind that suddenly took a turn.” She let out a heavy breath, feeling emotions clog her throat and she dropped her eyes back to her lap. “I don’t what exactly triggered it, but I just started hearing things from that day. The sound of his belt. Glass shattering. Then the smell of the alcohol he drank and the cologne he wore.” She shuddered at the memory.

This had always been her fear. That she wouldn’t be able to let go of the past and it would affect her future relationships. And while she knew that Azriel would never let something like this come between them, she couldn’t help but feel like this was just another piece of her past coming back to haunt her present and trying to ruin any chance for happiness.

He was silent long enough that her curiosity got the better of her and she finally looked back up at his face. “It was too much all at once.”

And it was, she realized. If her anxiety hadn’t flared, Elain would’ve let Azriel fuck her senseless. Had wanted to take that step. But he was right. It was too much too soon. Realizing he was still waiting for her response, she agreed. “I think so.”

Azriel brought his hand to his mouth, thumb swiping over his plush bottom lip. “So, we take baby steps. When you’re ready to try things and move forward. But I need you to promise me something.”

She nodded.

“If at any point during whatever we’re trying, you become uncomfortable or you start not to like what is happening, I need you to tell me to stop. I don’t want you to push yourself to try and move past something when you’re not ready. And I definitely don’t want you not to say anything for my benefit.” There was a seriousness to his authoritative tone that made something inside her come alive. “Promise me you’ll tell me to stop.”

Elain reined in whatever it was that purred in response to that. “I will.” A twinge between her legs had her shifting on the bed uncomfortably.

Something that the male sitting in front of her noticed. “What’s wrong?”

Her cheeks heated. She knew she shouldn’t be embarrassed. The man has seen her naked before and they were talking about sex right now. But the last time she told him she was frustrated, she rode and came all over his thigh. Gods she was so awkward.

“You have a lot going through your face right now, I can’t keep up. What’s going on?”

She glared at his smirk. “I didn’t realize I wore my emotions on my face.”

“You do, just so you’re aware. But seriously, there’s something else. I can tell there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Elain sighed heavily, her face growing impossibly hot. “My body hasn’t quite come down yet.”

Az’s head cocked the side, dark hair sliding across his forehead. “I can help with that if you want me to.”

Honey-brown eyes blinked at him. “Didn’t we just talk about baby steps?”

The corner of his mouth quirked up. “I was talking about just my hand, Elain. You wouldn’t even need to remove your clothes.”

“Oh.” She blushed.

“Or, I can draw you a bath. Or I can just step out of the room if you would like me to. Whatever you wish for me to do.”

Gods, this male was the epitome of respectful. If her body wasn’t desperately needing a release, she would’ve probably started crying. She still might. “Um, you or, your hand. I’d like to try your hand…that sounds weird,” her face scrunched in embarrassment.

He chuckled, leaning forward to kiss her. Pecking her nose once, he got up and walked around to settle behind her against the headboard. His arm banded around her waist as he hauled her against him like she weighed nothing. He gathered her hair and pulled it over her shoulder to give him access to the side of her throat. “What are you going to do?” he asked

With his warmth pressing into her back, Elain momentarily forgot what he was talking about. “I promise I’ll tell you to stop.”

Az kissed her cheek. “Good girl,” he murmured.

The praise lit a fire inside her, one she had no idea existed.

“Relax into me.”

She did, reclining back into his chest. Elain laid her head back on his shoulder as he splayed his one hand on her stomach, high enough that his thumb again brushed under her breast.

He let his lips suck on her jaw and slowly glided them down her neck to her fluttering pulse. “Prop your knees up and lean them against my legs.”

Again, she did as she was told. Elain was surprised at how much she didn’t mind being told what to do. But with Azriel, she freely handed over the reins of her will and let him drive her. Especially when it came to her pleasure. It was different when you trusted somebody wholeheartedly.

His fingers stroked at her stomach, slowly making their way higher between her breasts. She breathed in deeply, her body going more languid against his as he inched his other hand down her side towards her hip before dipping inwards.

But instead of going where she desperately needed him, his fingers curled, tracing teasing lines on the inside of her thigh.

“Az,” she mewled, body squirming.

He clicked his tongue, kissing at her jaw. “Not yet,” he murmured, sucking at her skin.

Elain’s head tipped more, giving him better access to her throat.

Azriel smiled against her. “You’re such a sweet girl,” he said, his hand coming back up her leg, teasing over the damp fabric between her thighs before venturing down her other leg.

She let out a frustrated sound, one that quickly turned into a cry when his thumb found her nipple once more. The texture of the t-shirt adding to the sensitivity as he circled it a few times until finally, finally, his other hand cupped her sex. The heat of his palm and the pressure were like an explosion of fireworks that danced in her blood.

He added more pressure before—gods bless this male—he let his thumb part her folds through the damp fabric and slide from the top all the way down and back up. Her body lurched, but he kept her held tight as he set a steady rhythm to his movements, sliding down and up, down and up until she was a mewling mess.

“Easy, baby. You’re doing so well,” he murmured into her temple, kissing her gently. And when he knew she had reached the edge, he focused his thumb into circular movements over her clit until she exploded.

Her back arched, but he was quick to hold her, never letting her get too far from him as she moaned loudly. Elain wasn’t sure if people on the street could hear her, but frankly, she didn’t care. Not as his thumb kept circling her jewel and his other fingers slid along the soaked slit of her boxers. Not as he rang out every ounce of pleasure from her, yet still had her craving more. Even with the orgasm, she still needed more, was still wound too tight.

And that was how she found her hand moving on its own accord, clutching Azriel’s wrist like her life depended on it, and pulled it from between her legs before sliding it down beneath the waistband of her boxers.

“Fuck,” he breathed as the pads of his fingers danced over her bare center, feeling the wetness from the source. But he didn’t move, kept his hand still even with her hips wiggling against him. “Are you doing okay?” he asked, checking in.

Elain wasn’t sure when her eyes had closed, but all she could do was focus on the sensation of his hand and his mouth and where they ravished her. “Yes,” she whined, breath heavy.

He brushed his fingers over her glistening slit, teasing. “What do you want me to do, love?”

Her hips jerked, searching for friction against his hand. “Please.”

Az bit down on her shoulder lightly, enough to grab her attention but not to mark her. “Please what, Elain? Use your words?”

She had a few choice words for him, but none that could come to mind when she was this hot and needy and desperate for another release. Nor any that would get her what she wanted. “Please, Az. Please touch me.”

He smirked against her throat. “Such a good girl.” His other hand came up to turn her head towards his so he could claim her mouth as his thumb pressed down on her clit.

Elain moaned into his mouth.

He took full advantage of the access, letting his tongue sweep in to claim her as his thumb toyed her nub. His middle finger circled at her entrance once, twice, three times before slowly he pushed it inside of her.

“Oh gods,” she cried, hips snapping up. Elain’s hand shot out from within her underwear and went straight for Azriel’s hair, grabbing the dark strands on the side of his head in a death grip that was likely painful, but he didn’t seem to care. Her knees closed together, adding pressure between her legs.

Az’s mouth worshipped at her neck while his finger set a steady pace, plunging into his farthest knuckle and back out. “Relax, baby. I need you to relax,” he purred. “Put your feet on the outside of mine.”  

She was nothing but a whimpering mess. Legs shaking, she managed to do as asked and realized why he wanted her feet there. It gave him more control over how far her legs were spread.

Azriel shifted their feet slightly farther apart, giving his hand more room to move between her thighs.

Elain’s breath shuddered as he quickened his pace, thumb flicking over her clit with a renewed vigor. When he curled his finger deep inside her, sweeping over that sweet spot she couldn’t even remember the last time was touched, her entire body pitched.

She fisted his hair, her other hand coming down to clutch the arm wrapped around her torso, nails digging into tattooed skin. “Please, please, please.” She was nearly sobbing. It was too much. It wasn’t enough.

He would drag out her pleasure, she knew that. But fuck, she needed this drop. Needed to find that blissful edge.

Elain had gone years without an orgasm and here was Azriel, drawing out the second—well, technically third—one in less than a month, and they weren’t even officially a couple.

Increasing the pressure of his thumb and the curl of his fingers, Az tugged on her earlobe between his teeth. “I’ve got you, El. Let go for me.”

And she did. Elain shattered, screaming out a slur of words and syllables that she’s pretty sure was Azriel’s name. Her body arched, but he tightened his grip on her, keeping her pressed into him as his fingers worked her through her high.

Her walls clamped down on him and the boxers she wore were soaked with her release, but he kept moving until she went limp against him, her shaking legs slumping heavily against his muscled thighs. Honey-brown eyes fluttered open as she caught her breath.

Azriel pulled his hand from her underwear.

“Don’t rub that in your hair,” she teased, looking up at him.

He flashed her a sly grin. “And waste a perfectly good meal. Absolutely not.” Making sure he had her gaze locked, Az sucked his middle finger into his mouth, tongue sliding around to catch all of her juices dripping down his knuckles. He pulled his finger from his mouth with an audible pop. “Delicious.”

Elain’s mouth dropped open as she watched him lick all of her essences from his hand until it was clean. It was possibly the filthiest thing he had ever watched him do before and gods did it make her cheeks flush a warm pink.

Fingers gripped her chin and he leaned down to press a kiss to her lips. She could taste herself on his tongue. It was surprisingly erotic.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Better. Relaxed.” A little turned on again after she watched him suck his fingers clean—not that she was going to say that little bit out loud. They had explored enough today and she needed to get a better grip on herself. Elain blamed it on the fact that she hadn’t had sex, or any sort of pleasure, in years.

He kissed the side of her head. “You did so well, my love.”

She was also going to blame her uncontrollable hunger on the stark realization that she had a little bit of a praise kink. That was new to her. Some uncharted territory that had never been explored before, but she had a hidden desire to. Especially if it was Azriel saying those things to her.

“You’re quiet,” he stated, guiding her face to look back up at him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Elain smiled softly at him. “Yes, just thinking.”

“What about?” He let his thumb stroke her jaw, swooping down the curve of her neck. His heartbeat echoed against her spine.

Her cheeks heated under his intense gaze. “Some of the things you said…during.”

His brows furrowed briefly, then raised as he realized what she meant. “The praise.” When she nodded, he asked, “Did it bother you?”

She knew if she had said yes, he wouldn’t continue doing it and that’d be the end of it. But that was definitely not what she wanted. “Quite the opposite actually.”

It wasn’t often Azriel was caught by surprise, but her response clearly did. He tipped his head back and laughed, a deep, beautiful, lovely sound she wanted to bottle up and keep forever. “I’ll admit some of it slipped. I wasn’t sure if you’d like it or not, but I’m glad you did.”

“Where did you even learn to do something like that? Videos online again?” she snarked, a cheeky grin plastered on her face.

Azriel’s face turned a dark shade of red, possibly the darkest she’d ever seen before. “Oh my god. It’s been ten fucking years and that is still coming back to haunt me.”

Elain giggled, leaning forward to kiss him softly, shifting slightly against him. The soaked underwear she was wearing was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. “I should really go clean up,” she breathed onto his mouth.

“You stay here,” he kissed her briefly again. “I’ll go draw you a bath and then will make breakfast while you freshen up.” He rose off the bed, replacing himself with a pillow behind her back. “What do you want to eat?”

Her traitorous eyes dipped low, below the low-hanging waistband of his grey sweatpants to the peaked area that was far beyond what would be considered morning wood.

Holy fuck. The erotic dream from a few weeks ago had not been playing her. Elain felt her entire body clench around nothing. It made her bones go molten at the mere idea of how large he was—how he’d make her feel. Her toes started to curl.

“My eyes are up here, Elain,” he chastised, playfully.

Her cheeks flamed at being caught checking out a very private area, and she spat out the first, morning food she could think of from her heated brain. “Pancakes,” she squeaked.

Az grinned at her blushing face but didn’t call her out on it. “I knew it.” To be fair, pancakes were her favorite breakfast food. Bending forward, he kissed her one last time before he slipped into the bathroom and shut the door.

She heard the tub turn on first. It drowned out most of the other sounds, but after a few minutes, he returned to the bedroom, hardon gone, and went over to his dresser. It didn’t take her medical degree to know what exactly, he did behind that closed door—not that she blamed him. She didn’t exactly offer to “help” him this morning after what he did for her.

He pulled out a clean t-shirt and pair of boxers, then padded his way back into the bathroom and kicked the bathtub faucet off. When he came back into the bedroom, he sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. “I’ll text Nuala and Cerridwen and see if I can get an update on when we should expect an arrival of your belongings. I’ve left you a clean pair of boxers and another t-shirt in the bathroom. I also turned the jets on in the tub to help you relax.” His fingers brushed over her cheek. “Take your time and help yourself to anything in there.”

“I’m sorry,” Elain blurted.

Azriel frowned. “About what?”

“For not reciprocating,” she admitted with a nod towards his lap.

The fingers on her cheek moved to cradle her face. “Elain, you don’t owe me anything. I was more than happy—and willing—to do that for you this morning. I do not expect you to reciprocate anything. I don’t even want you to think about doing anything like that until you’re comfortable too. Please believe me when I say that I can handle myself. I have been since before you came barging into my office.”

Her jaw popped open. When she went barging into his office? That was months ago. He hadn’t been with anyone since before then? “You haven’t…?” she couldn’t even finish the question.

The corner of his mouth curled up. “After you reentered my life, I couldn’t get you out of my head. Everyone else was unappealing at that point.”

His words made her heart trip over itself.

Bringing her head forward, he kissed her softly. “Go clean up. I’m going to go start breakfast.”

Without another word, he rose from the bed and left her to her business. Elain had to give herself a minute to sit there and process everything he had just done and said.

Gods, she loved this male.

~~~~~

Azriel had no idea why he shared with her that he hadn’t been with another woman. It was true, he technically hadn’t fucked another female since, shit, even a month before Elain had returned to his life. He’d been too busy to even go to his club to look for female company. Aside from that one girl who he picked to try and get his mind off Elain, but that had been the night Amarantha showed up and everything had changed before anything could happen. And even then, he wasn’t into it or her. It was always Elain.

He supposed he could be grateful, in a way. Because it brought her back into his life, though not in a way he would have liked. While they still weren’t technically a couple—that was something he would let her bring up when she was ready—he hoped that his overshare didn’t cross any of her boundaries. Didn’t make her uncomfortable in any way.

Az had given her about ten minutes before he went back upstairs to change into clean clothes. He'd forgone jeans in favor of sweatpants, knowing they weren’t leaving the penthouse today. He couldn’t remember the last time he lounged in sweats all day long.

Elain padded her way down the stairs right as he was pouring the last bit of pancake batter onto the griddle. She donned on a pair of his black dress socks and the sweatshirt he purchased when he went to his first professional soccer game with his brothers after he returned from overseas. The black fabric drowned her small frame.

“Cold?” he asked, flipping the pancakes.

She nodded, perching herself on one of the barstools. “I stayed in the water too long. It cooled off.”

Azriel went over to the thermostat and kicked up the temperature a few degrees. Fall was coming into Velaris fast. He could feel the briskness of his bedroom when they first woke, though it quickly warmed up with their morning activities. He shook the thoughts from his head. “How was your bath?”

“Your tub is excessive.”

A joyous laugh rumbled from his chest as he flipped the last few pancakes onto his stack and carried them over to the set table where the rest of their breakfast awaited. “Excessive how?”

Elain snorted, following him. “Aside from the size that could fit three people easily?” She narrowed her eyes at his raised brow. “Don’t even think about voicing whatever dirty thought is running through your head.”

“I wasn’t even going to say anything!” he exclaimed, laughing.

She just rolled her eyes, but he saw a small grin fighting its way onto her lips. “And the number of jets is atrocious.”

“You say that now until you have an awkwardly pulled muscle,” he stated, loading her plate up with food and then his own. He didn’t miss the shy smile that tugged her mouth at his antics. He may have been fussing. “Did you at least enjoy it and relax?”

Elain shoved a piece of pancake into her mouth, her eyes nearly rolling into the back of her head. “Yes,” she began after swallowing, “I did. Thank you.”

“I’m—”

The elevator pinged interrupting his sentence.

Everything happened so quickly, he hadn’t even realized she moved until he felt her. Elain had shot out of her chair so she was standing behind him, her hand clutching at the sleeve of his bicep.

Azriel was up a half-second later, his massive frame blocking whoever entered his place from seeing her. He had momentarily forgotten what Rhys had told him about how Elain acted after she was attacked by Graysen. How she would flinch at a cupboard door closing too loudly. He slid a hand to her cheek, the other on her waist. “Hey,” he whispered low enough that the person who entered the apartment wouldn’t be able to hear him. “You’re safe here.”

He was grateful that whoever had entered, read the room, and kept quiet.

It cut him profoundly to see her shoulders shaking slightly. He ducked his head to catch her gaze. “You’re safe, El,” he repeated.

The worry that weighed heavily in her eyes settled at his words and she inhaled deeply, calming herself. Once she collected herself, she took the hand from her waist to lace their fingers together. “Thank you. I’m okay now.”

Az’s eyes flicked over her face, looking for any sign that she wasn’t being honest with him. When he found nothing, he brought their linked hands to his mouth, brushing his lips over her knuckles before they turned to whoever had entered his place.

Fenrys stood in the entryway of the penthouse, holding a box of what he assumed was Elain’s belongings. His head was down, likely an attempt to give them some privacy.

“Hello, Fen,” Elain said, moving them both forward.

The golden twin looked up at them. “Good morning, Elain, Mr. Knight. I apologize for interrupting. We should’ve texted or called when we arrived.”

“It’s no interruption, Fenrys. And please, call me Azriel.”

A charming smile lit his face though it didn’t quite touch his eyes. “Con and I were asked to bring over some of Elain’s things. He’s loading up a few more boxes in the elevator now. Where would you like us to put these?”

Elain glanced at him, the hesitation of where she should put her belongings evident.

That was another discussion they needed to have. Where she wanted to live and whether or not it was temporary. He hadn’t been lying when he said she could live with him. Whether she chose the guest bedroom or his, he didn’t care, he just wanted her here with him. “Right there by the foyer table is fine, Fenrys. We’ll take care of it from there.”

The male nodded, setting the box down as the elevator doors dinged, revealing his polar-opposite twin.

Az was grateful that Elain didn’t jump at the sound this time. That would be something else they had to work on to help her during her healing journey.

Connall beamed, eyes flicking between the two of them and their joined hands. “Hello, Elain, Mr. Knight. How are you both doing this morning?”

He huffed a laugh. “I’m not ever going to get you guys to stop calling me ‘Mr. Knight’ am I?”

“Nope.”

“Not likely,” the twins said in unison.

Elain covered her mouth with a hand, trying to hold in a giggle.

Azriel rolled his eyes, releasing her hand to help the twins unload the elevator. There wasn’t too much here, a few boxes of clothes, textbooks, toiletries, and other essentials.

“Do you guys want to stay for breakfast?” Elain asked once they had finished.

He may have gone a little overboard on their breakfast for two with pancakes, bacon, fresh fruit, coffee, and orange juice. There was plenty for the twins to join them. But Az knew she loved her pancakes and would likely munch on cold ones throughout the day.

Connall hooked an arm around his brother stopping whatever response he was about to say. “Thank you for the offer, but we’re okay. We’ll leave you guys to it.”

“Thanks again for everything,” Elain murmured, reaching out a hand towards each of them, and for a minute, Az wondered just how much the twins knew about her history.

“Anytime, Elain.” There was genuine love and emotion in those words. Az could hear it. And the way she smiled softly at the twins, he knew Elain could hear it too.

She glanced at the boxes that littered the floor when the elevator doors closed, sweeping the twins back down to the parking garage. “I guess we should have a conversation about living arrangements.”

“Later,” he said, taking her hand and guiding her back to the table. “Let’s finish breakfast first and then we’ll worry about all of that. Sound good?”

Elain plopped back down in her chair.

“They really care for you,” he said once they started eating again. “The twins I mean.”  

She sipped at her coffee. “We grew attached to each other while they chauffeured me around.”

He snorted. “Is that what you called it?”

She raised a brow. “Wasn’t it? What would you have called them driving me to and from work?”

“Escorting you.”

Elain wrinkled her face in the most adorable way. “Now it sounds like I’m paying them for pleasure.”

Az really couldn’t just help himself. “I think we both know where you get that from.” He flashed her a self-satisfied grin.

She wanted to argue it—he could see the retort sitting on her tongue. But in the end, she just rolled her eyes and came around the table to perch herself on his lap.

His hands went to her waist to steady her, but he was surprised when she leaned forward and kissed him softly. Her arm slipped around the backside of his neck, hand sliding into his hair. It wasn’t a kiss to spark a fire—nothing like the ones they shared this morning—but simply to convey her love.

“I think we do,” she finally answered him, brushing her nose along his.  

Azriel couldn’t help but smile at her, at his world. Not letting her leave his lap, he kept an arm around her, feeding her bites of pancakes, bacon, and fruit straight from his plate. The simple domesticity of the action wasn’t something he had shared with anybody else; nor had he ever wanted to until now. It was something he loved sharing with Elain and her alone—enjoying the comforting presence of each other.

It was the best morning he had ever had—one he wanted to continue having for the rest of his life.

~~~~~

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[ugh-againwiththenames]

So Many Fanfics So Little Time

This is just my list, I have seen so many (but if you want to use it it’s all yours too!).  I’m not a writer.  But I am a hell of a reader. Voracious one might argue. I just wanted to track my progress through the weeds of the absolutely never ending supply of Destiel and Cockles fanfic. 

Read on if you want to see what I’ve read, and what I’ve thought. I am but one person with opinions - some of them may be unpopular - some of them you might agree with, but if you find something you haven’t read here, I encourage you to do so. 

Honestly, this is just so I can track what I have read already, and when my friends ask, I can reference something easily. I have found some different fics on all kinds of ‘best of’ lists all over the interwebs. And I love recs - so rec away friends. 

As someone who reads a solid 40 novels a year typically, I don’t come by the “I read a lot” innocently. I do actually read a LOT.  When not reading fanfic (a new obsession, all things being fair), I usually read a lot of Fantasy/high fantasy, romance/erotica, and or YA (yeah, that was a bit of a ride no?).  So from this one might digress that I like fluffy, cute stories, complicated and supernatural/paranormal type stories, and I sure do not shy away from violence or smut (or maybe violence with smut? *smirk*). 

I have read all of these in the last 2-3 months (I will continue to add as I go). I had never read a fanfic until 2-3 months ago.  A lot of these wonderful people are on here, and I mean you no offence by not directly tagging you - I’m still learning how to actually properly use this site. Links to AO3 are included (and I love you all). 

These aren’t necessarily in any real order - I did read T&S first, followed by 91W, and 4LW...after that it’s just a shit show of Long or Short, Destiel or Cockles - smorgasbord. Some of these are the most popular Fics out there, and others I’ve never seen recc’d anywhere (just sort of accidentally happened upon them).  So let’s get to it, shall we? 

Twist and Shout - ok look. I understand the stigma associated with this one, but it was the FIRST one I read. It was the ball that shot me down the hill, and I haven’t stopped since. So. I loved it. I CRIED like a baby. SOBBED. It was not the quality of the writing but the way the story was developed and delivered. I have Never Cried Like This Reading a Story IN MY LIFE. It’s a rite of passage. Read It and have an opinion - it doesn’t need to be mine.  

Author(s): gabriel, standbyme   https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876/chapters/955188

Ninety-One Whiskey - aka 91W, it is mentioned so much, and is SO worth the read.  I continued my dive into the war fics (not typically my bag really and here I was reading 2 in a row).  There are a couple of followup stories as well to this series (and yes, I’ve read them all).  Although I’ll say that the original is my favourite. I often got lost in a bit of the War/Tactical descriptions, but would recommend it to anyone anyway. Ugh...the “stolen moments”...they were at the same time tragic and the most amazing things ever.  You feel me? no? go read it. 

Author:  komodobits   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362190/chapters/5214500

Four Letter Word for Intercourse - aka 4LW.  OMG just, OMG. I loved this story. I loved it so much. I think I read it in a day.  Devoured it. It’s so HOT. Just read it. If you haven’t you’re missing out.  LEMME AT IT. I loved “knowing the secret”, and had some major anxiety about that realization dawning (I had to take a breath, and be like, no, no, this is gonna be a mess, but it’s gonna be SO GOOD - I was not disappointed).  There’s more than one work here too - read them all. PLEASE. 

Author: bendingsignpost  https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086839/chapters/37568591

Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) - This was the first Sobs one I read, but it sent me on a spree.  this is the Memory Loss one.  I have one piece of advice here - read everything by Sobsicles. You can thank me later...just go to her page, and fucking sort to supernatural (or not, read it all!) I’d list them but I’d fucking seriously be here all day.  Also, her tags make me laugh so hard.

Author:  sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Orpheus - I love this one too, Tattooed!Cas, my LOVE. paired with Mechanic!Dean, my HEART, #help.  Read this one in one evening as well. (I was on a roll).  It’s a one night stand that turns into more (much like my last relationship)....hmm...maybe this is why I was pulled in - although to be fair that is the last similarity to my shitty love life! I do not remember how I stumbled onto this one (tattooed Cas may have been the draw...tbh). Read the warnings though, there is some triggering stuff in this one - but if you can handle it, it’s definitely worth the read. 

Author: sysrae       https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364347/chapters/5220227

Have Love, Will Travel - Can you say no to Stripper!Dean? Cause I sure as hell cannot. Typical sort of character development here with Dean having trust issues, and Cas being painfully awkward...(but in like a super cute way?).  Would Recommend. 

Author: squeemonster   https://archiveofourown.org/works/565455/chapters/1011747

The Inexhaustible Silence of Houses - Change of pace here...It’s got a nice twist.  I didn’t actually clue into how it was going to end until very near the end (maybe I was being oblivious), when the realization came over me and I was...man. I was DONE IN.  I hope that doesn’t spoil (I need some kind of way of remembering them). Voiceless!Cas Hunter!Dean

Author: Askance (doomcountry)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Adagio - This is super short, and super cute. Honestly, I would read the whole thing just for the last line. It’ll take you less than an hour if I remember correctly. Go, I’ll wait. I squeeed. did you? 

Author: noangelsinthegarrison   https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397248/chapters/2928145

Any Little Heartache - super easy read (not in a bad way, but in a ‘you’ll fly through it’ way).  It’s mid-length, not graphic, but really fun hospital AU. HeartSurgeon!Dean / Nurse!Cas - enemies to lovers anyone? Fuck you to Fuck me? yeah. YUM. 

Author: followthattardis https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143376/chapters/11838311

Ad Astra - This is another short(ish) one, just one chapter.  And by that I mean that this is written like a very long poem. Cas as a star who has visited Dean many times over the years of his life, that culminates in 4x01 barn scene. It’s ‘awe’ sad. ‘puppy dog eyes’ sad. The writing format took me a bit to understand what was happening - it’s my lack of poetry knowledge, not the writing.  

Author: nhixxie https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013491

Ad Astra Per Aspera - This is a cute story.  ESL writer, no judgement.  I found this while looking for the one above, and thought the premise looked cute - and it was. Misunderstanding leading to Dean realizing he’s actually Bi.  Miscommunication leading to realization.  

Author: Riverchester https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354336/chapters/28101816

Psalm 40:2 - Time travel post-canon Cas and Pre-series Dean.  If you’re wondering how that works, strap in for this ride, it’s well worth it. 

Author: unicornpoe https://archiveofourown.org/works/30786425/chapters/75992444

Addicted to You - Warlock!Dean/Incubus!Cas - accidental ‘mating’ (I actually really don’t like that word, but there’s sort of no avoiding it in this situation). Cute story.  When you drunk dial a succubus and get an incubus instead...Whatever will we do? 

Author: Ltleflrt https://archiveofourown.org/works/4387346/chapters/9959288 

A Glimpse Beyond - End Fix-it. Not yet complete, 10 chapters so far...I want MORE! Reliving memories Dean/Cas & Sam/Eileen.   

Author: NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731689/chapters/67875925

Cas-ti-el - Please I want more...It’s like the story just started. Please write more of this story!! 1 chapter, it’s a trope prompt challenge, but I want it to be a full on story of its own. Imprinted names of their soul mates, Dean doesn’t understand his (because it’s in a different language)...I’m frustrated by wanting this story to keep going. 

Author:  Valinde (Valyria)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941591

Our Bodies, Posessed by Light - another short one. Not going to lie, this one took a little getting used to, and I can’t say that I enjoyed it too much for the sole purpose that the premise gave me the willies.  Cas has to vessel jump - ends up in Sam...I got through it, it had a good ending, but yeah, sorry. This just wasn’t for me. 

Author:  obstinatrix  https://archiveofourown.org/works/260289

Peanut Butter Pumpkin Wedding Cake - Waiter!Dean / Writer!Cas - This is so effing cute, just misunderstanding after misunderstanding bumbling around like the couple of dorks that they are. It’s only one chapter. 100% would recommend. 

Author:  Sparseparsley https://archiveofourown.org/works/223962

Destiel, Actually - This is another super cute story, 5 chapters. Gabriel playing a singular role in putting Dean and Cas in awkward positions to push them together.  I fucking DIED at “oh, I am the sub” - needs context, but I guarantee you that you’ll laugh out loud...

Author:  Bexism  https://archiveofourown.org/works/399934/chapters/658398

The Smell Before the Rain - This was my first A/B/O - a big apology to all those who are into mpreg and whatnot, this was my lesson that I am not. this was not for me. Also - I’m a firm Cas (Alpha/Dom) believer, and i’m good with switch Cas, but it’s hard for me to take him being the full Omega here, when paired with the rest I just couldn’t do it. I finished it, but, not my thing. I know now. 

Author: jscribbles https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355230/chapters/53406127

Crazy Diamonds - This is another short one, only 3 chapters - it’s a body swap for Dean, 4x02 him and 2018 him swap places (assumption that 2018 him is “with” Cas).  It’s a super cute little story. 

Author:  pantheon_of_discord https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151642/chapters/37738631

The Breath of All Things - Wheelchair!Dean / Volunteer!Cas.  This is a lovely story, typical Dean self-hatred etc. Triggering for those with suicide warnings. It had me in tears at the end. There’s a really spectacular quote near the end that I found so romantic I screen grabbed it. 

Author:  KismetJeska https://archiveofourown.org/works/994750/chapters/1967519

Kind of a Forever Deal - SummerCamp!AU This is just a really cute and fluffy summer camp AU.  Which is so different from 91W (That’s right, check the author)! I was a little disappointed with the ending, but otherwise really enjoyed this all the way through and was loving all the discovery and young characterizations of all the characters. 

Author: komodobits https://archiveofourown.org/works/999291/chapters/1978478

Everytown, USA - Best way I can break this one down? Wanderer!Dean (listless and without a place in the world, he ends up in a small town...), Twin!Cas (that leads to some fun things). There are a number of points where you’re gonna yell at Dean for doing stupid shit (that are very much in character for him to do), you think, well, yes, obviously you’re going to do that you silly fucking boy [affectionate]; but whyyy? (but we know). 

Author: aileenrose https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797559/chapters/3854836

Chalk and Chainmail - HighSchool!AU, Cas is an artist, Dean LARP’s - it’s cute and angsty. 

Author:  lemonsorbae https://archiveofourown.org/works/804704/chapters/1517551

A Little Patience - Ok. you want smut? This is your story. You want Kink? This is your story.  I actually did not finish this. It got a little carried away in my opinion. It was VERY panty kink oriented (which, while essentially canon isn’t really my kink) so, if you want that Panty Kink on full display? Go forth and enjoy! it  is thirty something chapters, I got to the mid-twenties I Think. 

Author: riseofthefallenone https://archiveofourown.org/works/1750058/chapters/3739232

Control - I REALLY ENJOYED THIS. Which is saying a lot for someone who has already admitted that a Subby Cas isn’t really my HC - so to so thoroughly enjoy a Sub!Cas story? (maybe it’s the tattooes...*wink*). It’s an AU where Cas is the head of a company - Dean is a callboy I guess, for lack of a better term. Just read it.

Author: dothraki_shieldmaiden  https://archiveofourown.org/works/31156601/chapters/76993217

More (I copy pasted the next lot from my google doc, I’ll flush them out later - no i wont...)

Teach Me (short) - movie night in the bunker, things get a little carried away   Author:  Chiyume  https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961327

You Light the Spark (in my bonfire heart) (short) - when cas doesn't realize that dean is unaware of his feelings, super short, super cute                      Author: noangelsinthegarrison https://archiveofourown.org/works/1193910 

Communication Breakdown (short/cockles) - dean ends up in Jensen's head while he films the confession scene, no sexual content Author: jujubiest   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Look What You Made Me Do (short/cockles) -      -  Vegas Con 2020 / jensen comes out with a song     - cute short - no sexual content Author:  green_blue_heller https://archiveofourown.org/works/30251592 Full House (short/cockles) - reimagined version of the rented house story - putting it in order (so to speak). funny / cute / fluffy not explicit   Author: n_nami  https://archiveofourown.org/works/30855827

Cyber Sex (short/cockles) - anastiel https://archiveofourown.org/works/31467086      - shameless post GISH Fest zoom call porn      - Short (very short)

It's Complicated (cockles) - gail_morgan https://archiveofourown.org/works/31434938/chapters/77747519       The GISHtake (short/cockles) - MellyCrazyCoconut https://archiveofourown.org/works/31508099     - cute short post GISH zoom     - oops "babe, really?"  

(10.02.2021 updated) Since last update: New reads - Fuck i’m gonna be here all day - there’s not gonna be as much gonna be NO detail in these breakdowns...sorry! This has now just become a “what i’ve read list” as opposed to a Rec list...

Love, All Alike (Pt. 1 Love, All Alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555599/chapters/10370646                             - Though The Stars Walk Backward (pt 2 Love, All alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves

And this, your living kiss - opal_bullets   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18083927/chapters/42744872

Come On, Let's Strike a Match (Domination and Submission: a love story pt 1) - anyrei & queerwerewolf ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722478/chapters/62458810    - Playing With Fire (D&S: a love story pt 2)    - We Kiss and the Flames Get Higher (D&S: a love story pt 3)     - Sparking That Old Flame (D&S: a love story pt 4) 

Cinderwings - bendingsignpost Cinderella!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847041/chapters/29336421

Linden - fleeceframe Swan!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33126730/chapters/82236118

No Netflix, No Chill (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764966

Can't Drink You Away (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785792 

Jensen Totally (Does Not!) Snore (short RPF) - Dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30315717

Dean Ships It (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30349434

All about control - wingless   https://archiveofourown.org/works/9151930/chapters/20791243

Aesthetics in Autoerotica (pt 1 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885544                                                             - The Ties that Bind (pt 2 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant

Let's take a drive - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32581027/chapters/80819581 

Enchanted ink - castielslostwings TattooArtist!Dean TattooArtist!Castiel AU ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043622/chapters/55109530

The bones beneath our skin - darknessbound   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633754/chapters/59515804

The Plot (RPF) - Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795588/chapters/6274970

The Gentle Force with which you Take Me (RPF) - Phoenix_Ascended   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32110120/chapters/79549183

According to all known laws of Life (Pt. 1 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207901                                                          - and he's back (with a mind of his own) (pt. 2 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles

Six hundred sundays (and many more) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31158776

Aching in the Absence of you - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31832977/chapters/78811378

gorging myself on you, still can’t get full (insatiable) (Short) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32203291

memories bring back memories (bring back you) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Dream Come True (short) - bendingsignpost   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28071159

tall grass - aeli_kindara   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127040/chapters/30030726

asunder (Short) - rageprufrock https://archiveofourown.org/works/62115

Apheresis - bendingsignpost BloodDonor!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32674783/chapters/81056680

we always were but never knew it - frightfullyrude   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32698324/chapters/81119503

In this Louisiana Bar (Short) - fleeceframe   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31764487

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Alternate Universes - n_nami   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32687929/chapters/81092785

my heart a compass - lagaudiere https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629951

Unsound Inverses - sp8ce (not complete)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836881/chapters/73413300

The Jensen Mistake (RPFish) - fellshish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31950169

tell me about the dream (Pt. 1 Kids are coming home) - playedwright   https://archiveofourown.org/works/27984813/chapters/68544450

It's handy to know (FIMMF Themed ;)) - RosaMarloes   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31761322

So Says The Sword - komodobits AngelTrueform!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12597892/chapters/28695592

Communication Breakdown (RPFish)- darkshrimpemotions (jujubiest)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Carry You Home - Casloveshisfreckles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982637/chapters/65862916

In the Shadow of your Wings - Enochian Things (Salr323)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531294/chapters/17121655

When Harry Met Sally (RPF) (Pt. 1 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7622347/chapters/17351845    - Eight Dildos (RPF) (Pt. 2 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood    - Attention, Please (RPF) (Pt. 3 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood             - Boat Trip (RPF) (Pt. 4 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood

A Winter's Tale - NorthernSparrow   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654327/chapters/5930561

A Close Shave - NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090167

r/supernatural - renrub (short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626783

sam reads destiel fics - rebshome (short - funny!)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33721624

Angel Cookies - noxsoulmate Chirstmas!AU **  https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729640/chapters/26427765

Under The Midnight Sun - NorthernSparrow Arctic!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/16690645/chapters/39143677

Bron-Yr-Aur - mrbluesky (Short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225335

The Dean Winchester Beat Sheet - saltyfeathers   https://archiveofourown.org/works/19258594/chapters/45800209

The Meaning On My Skin - saltnhalo   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005378/chapters/42538133

Red Right Hand (Pt. 1 Murder Ballads)  - Duckyboos   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4306110/chapters/9760008    - Are you the One that I've been waiting for? (pt. 2 Murder Ballads) - Duckyboos   

Riptides - sharkfish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13230426/chapters/30263556

Damn Fine Ride - Cimorene105 (pt 1 - rodeo) Cowboy!AU** (I’m a horse girl, sue me...)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342340    - My Face Just Does This, Sometimes - Cimorene105 (pt. 2 rodeo)    - The Kinkiest Thing I've Ever Done- Cimorene105 (pt 3 rodeo)    - All Signs Point to Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 4 rodeo)    - Monster Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 5 rodeo)    - My Man, The Siren - Cimorene105 (pt. 6 rodeo)    - A Pain in My Ass - Cimorene105 (pt. 7 rodeo)

Astrolabe (terra incognita pt 1) - reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348812/chapters/7326794    - Drollery (terra incognita pt 2) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent    - Rubrication (terra incognita pt 3) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent

Go Down With This Ship - PorcupineGirl   https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023642/chapters/18370474

Fire and Ice - Castielslostwings (Firefighter/Paramedic AU!) **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286295/chapters/55768486

The Structural Similarities of Hunters and Onions - Faster_Than_the_Speed_of_Sound (Short)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33383101

Castiel Novak's Office, This is Dean - emmbrancsxx0   https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411336/chapters/53545840

Out of the Deep (out of the deep pt. 1) - riseofthefallenone - MERMAID AU! **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878/chapters/977676

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx - pantheon_of_discord   https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909440/chapters/24256989

I'll Be Good - LittleAngelCassie   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4118334/chapters/9282234

Kenosis - CastielsCarma (Short - part of Destiel ABC collection)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30411720

[ghostinthebau]

Super Fanfic Rec List -- Iron Dad Edition (because I just wanna share the love)

I’ve had such a blast reading fanfic of the IronDad and SpiderSon variety over the last 6 months or so, and I thought I’d just make a rec list of some of my favorite stories.  Most of them are angsty, with whump and hurt/comfort because that’s what I live for.  

This is in no particular order or in any way complete because there’s just way too many amazing fics/authors in the Iron Dad fandom, but it will still be hella long, so....here goes! 

First off, @yellowdistress:

What We Are series - Bio-dad Tony series that goes all the way through Infinity War.  Endgame AU.

Someday I’ll Make it Out of Here series - Adoption AU!  It’s so good.

The Missing 92 Days - A take on HYDRA Peter that destroyed me emotionally.

Reviving Peter Parker - This about killed me.  Peter actually died during his fight with Toomes and SHIELD brings him back a la the TAHITI project like they did with Phil Coulson.  

A Sailor Went to Sea - Gut-wrenching Endgame fix it.  

Double, Double

@losingmymindtonight:

Webcams and Webshooters series

I Never Lived ‘Til I Lived In Your Light series - !!! TISSUE WARNING !!! Peter dies, but there’s another one shot with a happier ending if you need it.

And You’ll Blow Us All Away - Adoption fic!  A lovely one at that.

5 Times Peter’s Mental Illness Made Him Stumble And The 1 Time He Refused To Falter - I really love a well-depicted take on mental illness, and losingmymindtonight delivered 100%.

If You Can’t Catch A Breath (You Can Take The Oxygen Straight Out Of My Own Chest)

Cyanide? In My Shawarma?

@justme--emily:

The Guardian - Adoption AU with a lovely Loki and Peter friendship!

Radioactive - Peter endures the after effects of the spider bite, and scares bio-dad Tony to death.  Lovely, lovely, lovely.

The Good Fight - Peter gets hurt at the airport in Germany instead of Rhodey.  

@iron--spider:

ever in your favor - Hunger Games AU and an epic work of art!  

Lazarus, come forth - The Endgame fix it before Endgame.  Peter will break your heart.

dear mr. fantasy

this isn’t a game - Highly underrated fic based off the PS4 Spider-Man game.  I’ve never even played the game, and I loved this story.

what if there is no tomorrow? - This story actually made me kinda like Justin Hammer, if you can believe it.  

blindness

@tempestaurora:

hydra’s not a home series - HYDRA Peter, and also bio-dad Tony and bio-mom Pepper!

i’ll find you in the drift - Pacific Rim AU, and I have never seen PR, but I adored this so much.

it’s okay, we’re okay [whumpvember 2018] series

@jolinarjackson:

Lights To Guide You Home series - Another adoption AU.  They are my weakness, and this is one of the best out there.  

... and when you can’t crawl ...

Damaged At Best (Like You’ve Already Figured Out)

@blondsak:

No Life But This

come morning light (you and I’ll be safe and sound)

Burying Grounds - Eeeek!  Tony has to choose between saving Peter or Pepper and it hurts.

hold on, hold on

Something the Soul Needs

@madasthesea:

turn back the clock (and I’ll try again in the morning)

when my body won’t hold me anymore (where will I go)

They have so many other lovely looking fics--including an adoption au series (which I, of course, love), but I just haven’t gotten around to reading them yet.  I’m pretty sure anything they write is golden.  :)

@signofuncertainty:

It’s Always the Little Things

I’m sure their other fic, The Third Option, is fantastic and I really, really wanna read it but I’m trying so hard to wait until it’s complete!  It’s really difficult to wait, though, tbh....I may give in soon.  

@upcamethesun:

Twelve Days Of Peter Parker - So cute and fluffy, and then it kills you at the end.

5 Times Peter Made Tony Laugh Out Loud

5 Times Tony Didn’t Need To Worry About Peter

5 Times Peter Pretended To Be Tougher Than He Was

@frostysunflowers:

Between how it is and how it should be - This story made me love a Peter and Bucky friendship.

@kitcat992:

Identity Theft - This was one of the very first Iron Dad fics I read, and it was a doozy.  Full of whump, medical accuracy, and hurt/comfort!  The author is posting a sequel now, too: Identity Crisis.  :D

For Pete’s Sake!

@camelot-queen:

Goner - A perfectly heartbreaking kidnapping fic, but heed the warnings!

Who Saves The Hero

Never Meet Your Heroes

i’m the satellite (and you’re the sky) - Tony is Peter’s bio-dad but Peter doesn’t know it.  I haven’t actually finished this yet, but it’s good.  So, so good.

@peter-stank:

built from scraps - YOU GUYS, this is one of the best fics I’ve read on AO3.  It’s a ‘Tony gets dusted instead of Peter’ AU, and it’s got such an amazing dynamic between Peter, Pepper, and Morgan.  It’ll also make you tear up a few times, at least.

@geekymoviemom:

Sins of the Fathers - So, I’ve only read the first 5 chapters of this epic length (303k words@) adoption AU so far, but I’m LOVING it so I wanted to add it here.  They also have an even longer bio-dad Tony with added Stony bonus series, Pieces of Echoes, that they’re posting the 3rd installment to right now.  I’ll definitely be checking it out!

@too-many-bees:

let’s kick it

like a bridge over troubled water

@jbsforever:

it’ll be over (and I’ll still be asking when)

@tnyystark:

where the memories reside

@whumphoarder:

Quieting the Void series - Peter kinda has an eating disorder due to the spider bite, so take care if you read!

Poison Apple - Loved how medically accurate this was, and Ned’s reaction to Peter’s condition was heartbreaking.

@seek-rest:

It Hurts to Become

Someday We’ll Know - This is a Walk to Remember AU, so there’s MCD.  I’ve gotten about halfway through, but I can only read it when I’m in the right mindset.  But it’s lovely and so well done.  

This author has so many fics that I’m sure are amazing, and they’re on my ‘to read’ list when I’m in the mood for beautiful Spideychelle stories.

@caraminha:

The Primary Reason Tony Stark Would Throw Down With an Anti-Vaxxer in the Street - Hella scary depiction of Peter with tetanus, and it’s SO GOOD.

@tonystarkstan:

it all comes back to this

skeletons series

to build a home series - I love recovery fics, and this was a beautiful story of Peter dealing with the aftermath of being snapped and coming back.

lay your weary head to rest

@foolscapper:

Exploding Head Syndrome - Everyone comes back when the snap is reversed, but Peter is sort of catatonic--stuck between the living world and the soul stone where he’s with Gamora.  It’s such a lovely fic.

@alice-in-ink:

It’s a Little Bit We Do

Danger Pizza

@legalassie:

oh, darling - Peter’s kidnapped and Tony frantically searches for him--one of my favorite things.  Peter uses his smarts to help him get out of the situation, too, which is also one of my favorite things.

don’t think about tomorrow. 

@blackwatchandromeda:

Broken Thoughts (I Remember Everything)

Leave Me to Dream

A Nightmare to Remember

@emma--anacortes: 

Accepting the Tides - Here I am with another adoption AU.  Can you see a pattern yet?  I love them, and this one has danger and whump and comfort as well.  

@ardenskyedarcy221b:

they are standing in the garden - This hurt.  Several times the author had me tearing up and there’s a few lines that will stay with me forever.  It was just immensely lovely to read.

@iamallyetnotatall:

At the Start of the Universe - This was so much better than I was expecting! Peter is an Angel, and he knows Tony from the very beginning of the universe. It’s different, but absolutely gorgeous.

@starktowr:

somewhere outside my life - I don’t wanna say too much, but just read this.  It’ll break you and you’ll love it.

@jessicagoddamnjones: 

too bad (but it’s the life you lead)

@silver-bubbles:

The Fire’s Out (But Still It Burns)  

@day-dreamer176:

Like A Strike of Lightning - I kinda took this as a demonic possession a la Supernatural, but I don’t think it actually was.  Either way, it was fantastic.

fifty-four

five, tops

The World Stopped

@ambivalentmarvel:

Into His Fold series - Where Thanos brings Peter back from the ashes to make him into his new son (a la Nebula and Gamora).

@notaparty-trick:

Doom and Gloom - A ‘Peter doesn’t get dusted’ AU, filled with whump and Iron Dad and an awesome Carol Danvers.  Angst!!!

Dust and Blood - Peter is hurt much worse when Toomes drops the building on him.  More angst!!!!  This author does angst very well.

@ema--vee:

You don’t have to hold your head up high - Peter can’t thermoregulate!  I love that trope.

@forensicleaf:

All the Things We’ve Lost (And All the Things We’ve Gained) - This one gutted me, and then made it better.  But there’s pain to be had before the comfort!

They just posted the first chapter of a new WIP that looks AMAZING, too: Can’t Part the Sea, Can’t Reach the Shore.

@plnkblue:

foolish, fragile spine - Peter’s severely injured in his fight with Adrian Toomes and Tony finds him.  

@helloitisiafellowgay:

god did not craft us as altars, but as dying gods - Okay, guys.  This one is heavy.  It deals with Skip coming back into Peter’s life, and it’s not pretty but it’s handled superbly.  It’s a tough read, but one I definitely recommend if you can handle it.  Take care of yourselves first and foremost, though.  <3

~ ~ ~ I’m not sure if the following authors have a tumblr, so I just linked their AO3 pages ~ ~ ~

eccentric_artist_221b:

Only for a Little While - This is a Titanic AU, and it’s AMAZING.  There’s several scenes that just took my breath away and brought me to tears (not an easy feat). They’re also working on a WWI sequel!!!!

tiaylasglass:

the one who made it out - Short, simple in a gorgeous way, and poignant.  

And finally, I thought I’d humbly add my own little contribution to the fandom.  So far, I’ve only written the one fic, but I hope to write more in the future!

@ghostinthebau:

For Want of a Dad (in need of a son) - There’s a bit of blood, and a very distraught Tony at one point, so warning for angst and injury!

Again, this list is probably severely lacking, and if someone has a rec that’s not on here please please please reblog this and let me know!  I’m always in the mood for more fics.  

And I hope anyone reading this finds something they enjoy!  

I’m sure you will.  

ilu 3,000

:)

[sinsiriuslyemo]

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD

My dearest readers,

I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything, and for that I am so so sorry. I cannot express how much I've missed you guys and I wanted to post this to explain what I've been doing all this time and also give you an update as to how things will be on this tumblr page from now on. 

First of all, I'm not 100% up to date on what the tumblr situation even is with regard to our fandom community. I know a lot of people went to AO3 fulltime and I get that (I know some of you have inquired whether I will ever make the move, but I think tumblr will continue to be my fanfic home for now). But for those who are still here or maybe still have their account but aren't as active lately, I am going to continue posting/updating this blog as much as possible. 

So...where have I been this whole time… well, as you guys know, I'm a stay-at-home mom, student, a content creator on youtube and I run our house (I live with two boys, so this isn’t always a breeze). I love writing as it's an escape for me and a way to deal with stress/emotions. Writing fanfic has always been and will always be a passion for me, it was the vehicle with which I was able to harness and sharpen my skills as a writer and meet so many amazing people, but I got to a point in my life where I realized that I could be writing original works as well and trying to make some cash with it. I wanted to contribute financially to my family in some way and I am now. I'm not making very much yet, but I'm looking to grow my income gradually. For the better part of a year, I have been writing original erotica that I've been publishing on Amazon under a pen name. I have one story, broken up into five parts currently live on Amazon (part 5 of which is currently being edited and will be live within the next couple of weeks) and I have a ton more (as well as an original full-length erotic novel in the works) that I plan to publish in 2020 as well.

So what does this all mean for my tumblr blog? I know that without a doubt I still want to write fanfic and not just that but I have a bunch of stories that I've already started that haven't been updated and I even have a few that I haven't posted anything about but had started to work on. Not to mention Cuba v DR! So, that means that I have to take a much more organized approach to being on tumblr and to my life in general. I will still interact with you guys and post content, but it'll be something that I block into my schedule so that I don't a) get overwhelmed and b) I can stay more consistent with posting. I know I've said this in the past and not much has changed. I'm asking for one last chance to do this right. I feel like I've let so many of you guys down by neglecting this blog (and with it your requests/messages) and I’m asking for one last chance to make it right again. 

Not only do I want to schedule my time on tumblr, but also my posts. Again, this will help with consistency and time management. So below I have made a list of the content you should expect to see starting in 2020 (with the exception of Cuba v DR, that you should expect to see within the next week)! And I'll update the list as stories and imagines are posted.

Upcoming works:

Cuba v DR season 20 (episode 48 will be posted tomorrow)

Imagine request: The squad taking Barba roller skating

Imagine request: Jackson Neill fic

Imagine request: Barba and reader, fake dating

Imagine request: Barba and Minnona, fake dating

Imagine request: Bobby/Trish, dialogue prompt given

Switching Roles part 5

The Lawyer and the Piano Bar chapter 10

Half-Baked Series: The Stolen Cookie (with Jackson Neill)

I think that's a good start for now and don't worry if you don't see your request on there, I promise I do have it and I will get to it! I'm trying to go from oldest request to the most recent so that people who have been waiting the longest will see their request first! For obvious reasons, I will be closing requests at this time. Eventually, I hope they will be open again but for now, I want to be able to get through the thirty or so that I already have before I take on more.

I probably won't be able to pump out as many stories as I used to, but I think you can count on at least one per week. I'm going to try for more, but since I'm still going to be working on original works as well, I want to start low with one post per week and go from there with regard to this blog. I also eventually would like to write for other fandoms as well (two in particular), but more info on that later.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to share some exciting news about Cuba v DR! Jen and I have been kicking around the idea of editing the full Cuba v DR series to turn it into an original piece and making it available for purchase in paperback and ebook form. The original fanfic series (the one you see on our blogs) will still be here forever, but we thought it would be cool to go through, heavily edit and release the story as an original piece. Obviously to do this, quite a bit in the story would have to change, but we love this story so much and have wanted to do this for quite some time, so we're in the process of finishing the last episode of season 20 (the ending has been something we've wrestled with for quite some time) and then moving on to editing season one. With regard to this, I'll keep you guys updated as much as I can.

I also have fallen in love with two other shows that have inspired me to write, the shows being Hawaii Five-0 and The Orville. I would love to write for these two shows, but realistically and also keeping in mind that the large majority of my followers are from the Raúl Esparza/SVU fandom, I won't be beginning to write for either of these fandoms any time soon. However, I do hope to write a few within 2020 (I just don't know specifically when that will happen and I don’t want to get ahead of myself).

I also want to make it a point to read more fanfic. It seems every time I come onto my tumblr app, there are so many new writers sharing their work on here! And that is so amazing and exciting! I cannot wait to start reading you guys' work!

Whew! I think that's everything I wanted to tell you guys! If you have any questions, obviously, feel free to ask in the comments or you can always send me a DM 😊 I love you guys so, so much and I'm so excited to get back into our fandom community on tumblr!

Sinceriously,

Amanda

[mydearsaddiary]

Speakeasy Tonight Neil Season 3 Fanfic

Neil Season 3- Chapter 3

Hello! For those of you who don’t know Im writing a fanfic on how I’d imagine Neil Season 3 to go! This is chapter 3, here’s a link with all the chapters: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/NeilSeason3Fanfic

Little Curiosity notes: Because this chapter is all about the high society of BAHS-ton, there’s some currency involved! I put the amount in 1926 dollars, in parenthesis I adjusted it according to inflation on how much it’s cost today!

WARNING: LOTS OF ANGST AND DRAMA. LIKE SO MUCH DRAMA.

Chapter 3- Ghosts Are Alive in a Haunted Night

1926

The way to Boston was long. The anticipation built was driving me over the edge. I’ve been around the upper crust of Chicago, but even so most of them seemed like new money. Extravagant women who just got their hands on dough and bought everything they could. The upper crusts I met in Chicago weren’t elegant, they just had money in their hands. Even so I felt like an imposter amongst them.

I had a perception Neil’s family would be different. They were the true high society. Money was in their roots and they’ve never lived without it. For generations and generations I imagined most of them never worked, but increased their riches by letting others do the work for them.

I noticed when Lucille wrote to Neil, she always signed “Lucille Dresner of Boston”. Only the wealthy referred to themselves with their hometown attached to their name like “The Dresners of Boston”. They measured each other by how prominent of a family they were. For the first time I didn’t think of Neil as just Neil. I imagined him as “Cornelius Dresner of Boston” or “Cornelius of the house Dresner from Boston” or some fancy Jane Austen society title I could never imagine myself belonging to.

I knew Neil was living in an apartment in Chicago, living the same economic life as I did right now by choice, but that didn’t change where he was from or who his family was. For the first time I also realized that you could notice the high class in Neil in his personality.

There was just something in him that distanced him from people like Cliff or Vince who’d come from nothing or even me, who came from some but not as much. I thought of the elegancy, the way he never let himself look like a fool, the fact that he was highly educated, enjoyed chess like no other, the fact that it was easy to look at him and respect him. He had the air of being classier than most. He had his troubles and he wasn’t some snob who thinks he is better than everyone, but something in me said I needed to step up to the gentry, who breathed old money and who would judge me as middle class.

I looked down at the dress I chose for the trip. It was a delicate red. I always thought it was a good color on me, but it wasn’t the best dress (or the best shoes) I could be wearing

I looked at Neil who looked so calm he could have no idea of the internal battle that was happening in my mind. However, I felt guilty for struggling so much. Neil hadn’t seen his family in years, they’d probably be talking and paying so much attention to him that they wouldn’t even have time to look at what I was wearing

Nevertheless when we stepped out of the train in Boston I felt trapped. When I first got to Chicago, it seemed like the city was bursting, it was like my world had expanded and there was no seeing its end. In Boston I got a different feeling. The elegancy, tall buildings and the cold air engulfed you in its atmosphere and urged you to climb the social ladder. It seemed to tell you if you didn’t, you were bound to fail

-Hey…-It was the first time I said something in at least half an hour- I’ve been dying to see the fashion stores in Boston. Whaddya say you take me to see one, just to look around the city for a bit before we go?-I held his arm firmly

-Is the calm and steady Miss Granger nervous to meet my parents?- He got back at me from what I said in Columbus

-Alright, alright, this point goes to you!- I giggled nervously more than playful- I am, alright. Nothing calms my nerves better than shopping for a new outfit

-There’s a store nearby Lucille loved when she was younger. Can’t make any promises it’s still open.

-Doesn’t hurt to try!-I followed him around

It took a little while for Neil to remember the exact spot of the store and kept saying “It’s somewhere along this street”. While I followed him I looked around with interest. The city was full of cars and people. Constructions happened all around and every building was glued to the next one. Two words to describe it were: Completely packed. It seemed like the whole New England lived there. People were moved fast like all of them were in a hurry and it contrasted Columbus in a way it did make me feel like I came from the middle of nowhere. Among the cars there was a policemen on horseback flying by, it struck me as one more thing engulfed by the modernization and craziness that I found myself in. Chicago’s population surpassed Boston’s by a lot, but it was funny how I felt lost in that new city in front of me. Maybe I’d gotten used to Chicago so it didn’t seem that big anymore

And I thought I was ready for Boston

-Was Boston always this full?- I walked holding him tightly, afraid I could lose him in the crowd.

-Full of buildings and people? Yeah, it always was. Although before the war there used to be less cars, floor-length dresses and high hats- He pulled me in into a building, inside it was revealed a store as huge as Menken’s- Here it is, still open

The store was cream-colored with eccentric chandeliers around. I could see at least two floors. I never managed to bring Neil shopping with me before, so I might as well enjoy it.

I took a look around at different dresses. Something had gotten to me though. Look at the price of those dresses! I could buy at least ten dresses at Menken’s for the price of some of these!

If it was Lucille’s favorite store, at least before, then of course everything would be expensive. I swear I found a dress that was $300 (~$4300)! You could buy a new car nowadays with that kind of money. However, my expression remained calm. I looked at Neil sometimes but he didn’t even mention anything about the prices. I felt myself in the obligation to act like it was all normal to me

I remembered some conversations me and Neil had in the past: “Act like you’re entitled to the world”, “You positively grow with middle-class respectability”, “You’re not gonna wear sables and diamonds and be rude to the help, are you?”, “They’ll know you’re not one of them. But you’ll never notice when they’re looking down on you, that’s how people in high society treat people like you and Charlie”. I sighed in despair

-What is it? Nothing matches your photoplay dream?-He said sarcastically behind me and I noticed I had been staring at a dress for too long, lost in my own anxiety- I thought you said shopping lifted your spirits.

-Oh, nothing!-I looked at him- I was just thinking about the Ice Box that’s all, I was worried that-

-MC, I know you’re deeply infatuated with your illegal activities, but there’s nothing you can do from Boston

-I know- I let it go, it was just an excuse anyway. I was excited about the vacation and I couldn’t let the whole pressure just make me crumble. I had to prove to Neil that I was able to deal with whatever life threw my way. We were going to work this out together

-Say, why don’t you keep shopping? I’ll wait outside, all this glitter is hurting my eyes

-Alright, yea, I shouldn’t take long- I gave him a quick peck before he went out, I could see him grabbing a cigarette before turning my attention to the dresses

Alright, MC, you need to choose something classy enough but that won’t burn your pockets. Now, where do I find something that’s doesn’t cost more than $15 (~200)? I could spare that, it’s a special occasion.

Wishing I could have some gin in me right this second I went through the embarrassment of asking if they had anything around the price range I wanted. My luck was that there was a dress that was worth $100 (~1450) that was about to be thrown away because the zipper was broken. When I looked at the dress I didn’t understand why they’d throw it in the can.

It was beautiful. It was this pale pink color with a V-neck. The sleeved has the same gold details as the dress, but otherwise it was transparent. The details on the pale pink went down in waves until right below the knees. I smiled at it, it was perfect for the event of meeting Neil’s parents, and I’ve never worn anything like that.

I asked her if I could have it and she shrugged in a manner like she didn’t understand why I was even there. I couldn’t blame her, I didn’t know either. I got the dress for $20 (~280), it was more than I could at the moment, but I was just happy to have found something I could afford and still look ritzy in

Due to the extra money spent I couldn’t really go looking for shoes or accessories, but I wasn’t worried. What I had would work for this.

-Alright!- I caught Neil outside- I’m ready, first impressions are everything! Now I just need somewhere to put this stuff on!

Yes… Like the back of a rental car in a dark alley…

-It’s so convenient nowadays, you know, they started renting cars and everything right- I said huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf in the back seat getting my dress off and the new one on- So you can change in the middle of the road too

-I thought this way we could go places without having to use one of my family’s cars- Neil waited in the driver’s seat

-What’s wrong with your family’s cars, huh? Not ritzy enough for ya?-I put on the dress to realize it didn’t close in the back. Shoot! I forgot to ask what happened to the zipper. Think, think, think!

-It’s the contrary- Neil responded- If I remember well from back then, I always felt like I was in a circus truck, doubt they changed the way they do things- He seemed to hear me struggling- Do you need help back there?

-No! Nope! I am just fine- I said putting a pin on the zipper so this way it wasn’t broken anymore. It closed all the way up! The only thing was the pin showing a little bit on the top, which looked a little tacky, but with all the details in the dress it could be overlooked

-Let’s hurry then, I told them we should be there for lunch. With your little shopping going on, we’re late

-Sorry!- I put on my rhinestone tiara and went through my bag to find my golden pair of heels that matched the details on the dress, then I hurried up to the front seat- I’m ready, let’s scram!

Neil started to drive, I could feel him a little tense as he drove. I put on my hand on his leg squeezing it- Are you excited?

-When I left Boston I was twenty-four. I haven’t been back since

-Neil- I calmed my voice- They’ll be happy to see you, they’ll be thrilled. Especially Lucille, I really can’t wait to meet her. How old is she?

-We’re about ten years apart, she’s the youngest. So she should be about twenty-two right now. Damn…-He went quiet for a few seconds- When I left she was fourteen, now she’s a woman, married and is about to have a baby.

-Oh, little Cornelia- I smiled thinking about it

-Don’t remind me, I still feel for the kid

-Can it, Neil! It’s sweet. I can’t imagine how she must have felt when she got a letter in the mail from you

-I can’t believe I let you convince me to go through with this-He shook his head

-Hey, pal, I didn’t say anything! You wrote the letter to her yourself

Neil smiled, as if there was something in his thoughts he didn’t want to say out loud- I know.

We pulled up to a narrow street full of four stories apartments- I didn’t know they lived in a flat- I said, a little confused. I expected it-

-They’re not flats-Neil responded- They’re houses

My eyes widened looking again at the row of houses with my new perspective. It was pure Boston Brahmin. The houses were glued to one another, only separated by color, each of them were massive once I understood the four stories were for each family. Rows of fancy cars were parked in front of each designated house and U.S. flags stood in front of each one.

Neil parked in front of an elegant brick house, it was full of organized windows and one big wooden door stood right in the middle of the ground floor.

-Is this where you grew up?- I opened the car door on my side

-No, this is just the city house. I’d spend a lot of time here, but usually we’d be down by the estate

-Estate?- I turned to him, wondering if my ears heard right- Your family owns a estate?

-About 15 miles out of the city- He said like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I focused on my breathing not to let myself get too nervous. “Act like I’m entitled to the world” is what I kept playing in my head. I went around to meet Neil and then I noticed his look was distant

-Neil?-I shook him a little bit and he looked down at me, his face was not upset, but the usual mask wasn’t there either- What’s the matter?

He hesitated a little bit. Being back here must be hard. It’s still not easy for him to open up, so I appreciate it even more when he does- That house right there- he pointed. I looked back at the white magnificence across the road, just as beautiful as the one that belonged to Neil’s family. It had a black door instead of a wooden-colored one. No cars were in front of it, so it looked solemn, distant and different from the rest- It’s the Hasting house.

I looked back at him squeezing his hand- Alton…

-Yeah… Alton- He replied

I didn’t know what to say, I never knew what to say when Neil mentioned his past. But he said all he needed me to do was listen. I gave him a kiss on his cheek, hoping to comfort him. I was glad to see it got a smile out of him- Ready?

He breathed profoundly, turning his head back to the wooden door- Yes, I’m ready- He knocked on the door

----

It creaked as it opened, it was like seconds got transformed into hours. Once it was open a servant smiled. Some kind of butler? Gee, this is something else. However that only added to the moment. He positioned himself by the door, looking into an area in front of him I could only imagine it was the living room. He stuffed his chest like it was the most important thing he was going to say in his life to the ones who waited

-Cornelius Dresner is home

I nodded to Neil, letting him walk in first. He took his hat off as he walked, each step seemed to hold anticipation in them. I walked in right after, but staying away from him. I understood this was a precious moment, so my eyes turned to watch instead.

The silence was so expansive you could hear if cotton balls fell on the ground. When Neil stood there, a second set of steps started. My eyes turned to a very visibly pregnant woman, who could be due anytime soon. She had bright icy blue eyes, her blonde bob fell elegantly on her face. She had the posture of a porcelain doll and her face resembled Neil’s.

She stopped right in front of him looking up at his face, like she was examining every detail, her serious face was beautiful in that light. I assumed that was Lucille, the one who never gave up on him. They now held this very serious starting contest, I almost thought no one was going to say anything

-You got old- Her melodic voice let out and Neil burst into laughter at the same time she did. He hugged her carefully but tightly

-And you grew big, in more ways than one- He joked with her but then turned serious- Lucille, I’m sorry…

-Oh, forget that! You’re here now…

Others walked up to them, I counted them in my head and assumed mother, father, Maude and Warren. I let them have their moment. It was so intimate I stepped back not wanting to hear much. It was like Neil had gone off to a war, survived and now was home once more. In a way, that’s what had happened. Neil had won, or at least started to win, his internal battles and now he had made it back there. I smiled watching the scene. He didn’t reserve any smiles and his family seemed to be everything but mad at him. They relented.

I couldn’t help but think how proud I was of him

A few minutes passed, they started pulling him to the living room to “sit, relax and update them on everything that’s been going on”, then he looked at me and stopped them in their tracks

-Wait- He walked over to me and then looked at them. This was the first time they noticed I was there. I didn’t blame them, Neil had all their attention- This is Mary

The older woman, I’m assuming Neil’s mother walked over and I felt the chills down my spine. She had cold eyes but a warm face. You could watch her and feel that she was judging you and it made you wonder if she considered you worthy of her time. She was the image of classiness, the peak of the upper class. She was one of those wealthy people you see walking by and wonder how they must live. She walked like she had books piled up on top of her head. More charm than Vera Peters, that was for sure, but I felt bad that her aura reminded me of the former mayor’s wife. After all, I wanted to attribute her to someone nice

-Of course- She smiled- Miss Granger, right?

-That’s me! - I smiled- It’s a pleasure to meet you ma’am- I was going to say something about how beautiful her house are and introduce myself to the others, but she turned her eyes somewhere else

-Please collect their bags, you can put Neil’s in his room-She said to the servant- And Miss Granger’s bags can take to the spare room downstairs

-Mother- Neil interrupted her- I’d like Mary to stay in the guest room upstairs- He said in an imposing a tone. If there was a guest room upstairs, I got a weird feeling about her asking for me to sleep downstairs in what I could safely assume was an underground floor.

-Fine, yes. Take hers to one of the guest rooms- She said and the servant started moving according to orders

When I turned around, Lucille was walking up to me and Neil. She in turn had kinder eyes, and I could see them a little wet. The pregnancy probably added to the emotion of her beloved brother coming home

-Miss Granger, it’s a pleasure to meet you. My brother spoke highly of you in his letter- I didn’t know whether to pay attention to her eyes or the diamonds she wore

-He must have flattered me too much- I said shyly. She wasn’t much older than me, but she spoke clearly and no slangs were in sight

-I only speak the truth- He said behind me

-I’m sure- she replied- I understand it’s you I must thank for having him write me

-I may have pushed him a little bit- I squeezed his hand- But he made the decision on his own

Neil introduced me to rest of his family. His father seemed a tad quiet just like him, his other younger siblings greeted me well, and he reintroduced me to his mother who was next to talk again

-It’s so nice of you to wear something so simple to come see us. I did hope you felt at home- She mentioned I could feel my face getting hot- Why don’t we all sit down, there’s much to talk about!

I was more nervous now than when I first walked, but I didn’t want to let on everything was getting to me.

The living room was mainly white, so white it was like staring at snow in the sun. The couches were the most comfortable seat I had ever felt. In this place where comfort was displayed all around, I felt all the eyes and social pressure of high society that made me feel like it was the most uncomfortable place in the world. What calmed me was Neil sitting next to me and his hand on my waist.

-How’s life in Chicago?- Lucille asked- I tried asking Drummond when you wouldn’t reply but he always told me you weren’t working for him anymore

-Yes, I only worked with him for a few years- He continued, and I was sure he was going to give them the clean version of the story- Turns out we didn’t get along so well. I moved to this neighborhood where I met this man called Charles Granger. He in very involved with the city’s anti-saloon league and involved in the politics and he takes care of the neighborhood he lives in, it turns out they were in need of a doctor. So he offered me a job and I accepted, worked with him ever since. He helped me get settled, I do owe him a lot

-Well, we’ll be sure to send Mr. Granger our regards for taking care of you- His mom gave a forced smile. I’m sure she had questions but it was noticeable she was trying to be on Neil’s good side, afraid he might escape again

-So my life was settled there. A few years later he announced to me and his associates that his niece was coming from Ohio to live with him. She helps him out at work and that’s how we met, through Charlie

-And now you’re seeing each other- His mother continued

He smiled softly- MC and I are engaged, mother. I mentioned in the letters

-Oh yes, Lucille told us the news- Her tone seemed like… Disappointment? No, I’m just reading too much into it

I had to do something to break the ice- We were planning for it to happen in late April, early May, wait until the cold passes by

-Yes, it’s smart to wait a while-She smiled at me- A lot can happen in those months, things might end up different

I held my breath, I couldn’t pretend to be dumb to myself. She was definitely unhappy with Neil’s choice. For the first time I felt a sting in my chest. It wasn’t embarrassment or anxiety. It was… Insecurity. I usually never lacked confidence and I was sure that I could take everything and anyone. However, being on the receiving side of the looks from Neil’s mother made me feel like a pin in a haystack. Tiny and lost.

-We weren’t planning on waiting too long- Neil said. Even he acted different around his family, but his tone was firmer. I knew it was him sticking up for me in the ritziest way there was. So I appreciated in silence.

-I hope you don’t mind that we organized a ball for your return- She said excited, changing the subject- We invited the Hastings, the neighbors, just close people to spend the night with us

-Oh mother, you know I always loved the balls you gave- He said in a sarcastic tone but she ignored it, Lucille did giggle though

-Get up and get ready-She said- Do you need me to send the valet upstairs?

-No! No... I can manage myself- He said walking towards the stairs and taking me with him

She then spoke to me before we left- Oh dear, you’ll want to wear something a little bit more elegant for tonight

Once we were in the second floor I couldn’t help but look around. There was a piano room and then a corridor of doors, I assumed they were bedrooms. It seemed kind of oddly placed, surely nobody would like to sleep while the piano is being played right outside their doors. However, everything inside was so white the black piano was a welcoming contrast.

-So… I’m guessing balls are a normal thing in the upper class

-It’s traditional, not my thing if you ask me- He lowered his voice to say the last part

-I’d imagine not

I didn’t have much time to admire the guest room, even though I did notice that its grandiosity made it hard to imagine that it was a room that didn’t belong to anyone. I sat on the bed stressed, wondering how I was going to find something in my bag that would fit the expectations of Momma Dresner. The fanciest dress I could find didn’t impress her, and now I had to step up my game for an official “welcome home Neil” ball

In the middle of my mind’s perturbations, a knock on the door got my attention. When I opened the door, Lucille was standing there smiling

-Mrs. Branford!- I started

-Lucille is fine, if I can call you Mary

-MC- I stepped out of the way to let her in- What can I do for you?

-My mother, she is… Traditional- She sat on the loveseat by the window- I’m not going to lie. People like her, they are not easily impressed by… People like you

-People like me, you mean middle-class

She nodded- Yes, it’s in her ways. The Dresners, they come from very old money. Me, Neil and our siblings, we’re more used to the ways things are nowadays. But our mother never really spent much time with people who didn’t have as much money as she did. So she always looks down on them- She looked back at me- And she always expected Neil to marry an indoor, wealthy girl if you know what I mean

I must’ve made a face, because the look of sympathy rested on her eyes- She doesn’t think I’m worthy of Neil

-Yes, MC, but you must understand it’s old thinking. She thinks that solely based on money. Besides, it’s a little tougher on Neil because he is the oldest of us. That makes him have to marry the perfect woman in her eyes.

I looked at her- The oldest… So…

-Neil is the heir of our estate. Of our parents fortune.

My eyes went wide. It must’ve been obvious, but I just realized that- I never thought of it that way.

-Listen, MC. When Neil left Boston, after Alton passed away… He was not just unhappy. He was lost, his eyes were haunted. He was cold and it seemed like all life from him was just gone. He had this hard edge, and he estranged himself from all of us- She looked at nothing, but I could see pain in her eyes- When he came back from France I convinced myself I would never see the Neil I use to know before the war again, I knew some of his troubles. Then a few years after he left I started to convince myself I’d never see him again- She turned her eyes to me- And then a few months after knowing you he writes back, and then he comes home. On top of it, although there’s still a hard edge on him, I can see it in his eyes that you make him happy. I can see the old Neil in him. That’s why I know you’re more than worthy to be with my brother, you brought him back from the darkness he lived in

Wow. I was so caught up in what she said. It was nice knowing she was on my side- Lucille, I didn’t really do much… I

-No humbleness. Just take some credit for it. I can see you care for him very much

I nodded exaggeratedly- I love Neil.

-And you can see it in his eyes he loves you-She got up this time, going to a dresser in the room- My brother will be happy with you, and I’m so excited to have you as my new sister. However, convincing my parents require a different approach- She pulled out a dress. A beautiful and obviously expensive dress

It was a salmon color, a soft V-neck that was more of an U and graceful short sleeves. While the looseness of the dress was there, it’d flatter whoever’s waist it was on with a slight inward curve, going down in a soft A-line. The dress ended right below the knees. The pattern on it was two colors. One the color of the dress, only visible if you really paid attention to it, the other was white and in the shape of leaves, like a garden going around and forming a heart around the chest area, small flower-like drawings of the same color elegantly finished the dress.

-Oh Lucille, it’s beautiful, but I couldn’t-

-Yes, you can. It doesn’t fit me anymore and it’d help you impress everybody, plus I’m sure Neil would love to see you in it. C’mon, put it on

I hesitantly did so, and once I saw myself in the mirror with it, it made it a lot easier to accept it. I loved it- Thank you, Lucille

-We’re not done. It’s not just the dress- She said pulling some accessories out. First she fixed my curls, like she watched people doing hers enough times to know how. Then she placed a white headband on my head. It had a details on the side, I didn’t dare ask if they were diamonds or something else. A pearl necklace was put around my neck, I asked myself if they were real pearls. Lastly she brought in beautiful heels. They were white as well, clasped in the middle of my feet, and closed in a salmon bow.

When I finished putting them on I looked myself in the mirror again. Oh boy, Momma would pass out if she saw me like this. Poppa would finally consider me his pride. I was all dolled-up. That sensation that I was an imposter grew in me, but then I was only human. I felt confident again- What do you think? - I asked her

-I think you’re ready to face them. Now, I have to go get dressed myself

-For sure, yes- I smiled to her- Thank you Lucille, really

-You brought my brother home back to us… It’s the least I could’ve done- She hugged me tight- Remind me to properly introduce you to Michael at the ball

I agreed laughing lowly and feeling a lot better

A little while after I heard another knock on my door, when I opened it, I was more than happy to see it was Neil. He seemed surprised at my get-up at first, then he smiled

-I see you’ve had some help

-Well, your sister came in and-

-You look beautiful- he offered me his hand and I took it. I was going to say something smart, but the look in his eyes was so sincere I didn’t want to ruin the moment

-Thanks- I said instead- Did everyone already leave?

-Well, lucky for me, I’m the reason of this party- He said it in a sarcastic tone- So I get to come in late and be the center of attention, I’m hoping their curiosity about you takes some of it away from me.

-Neil Dresner is back home, and he brought a low-class girl with him and he’s saying he’s gonna marry her?-I raised my voice to sound like upper-crust gossip- My oh my, Doctor Dresner, quite a scandal

He gave me that warm smile that went all the way up to his eyes. The one that always makes me feel the jitters in a good way

However I wasn’t done- They’ll probably think you’ve gone crazy and send you to a psych ward or think you’ve knocked me up and now you’re stuck with me- I pretended to hold a fan imitating the rich older women- Disgraceful, truly disgraceful

This time he let out a laugh, a harsh laugh, but a long one that sounded like melody to me. For a second I thought he wouldn’t stop laughing, and then I started up laughing too. We walked all the way to the car like that

-People will think I’ve gone soft if I spend too much time with you- He said

-You agreed to spend the rest of your life with me. You’ll be the biggest softie the United States has ever seen

He let out a harsh chuckle this time, as if he told me he wouldn’t ever let that happen. Then the servant from before opened the back door of a fancy car, it had a long hood and it was half black and half white, a wheel sat on its side. I could also see a chauffeur in the front

-Wow, you’re getting the whole ritzy treatment today- I said getting into the car and we were on our way

-You get used to this kind of stuff- He mentioned and then turned to me- You will…- Before I could ask what he meant, he kept going- You know, during these balls we were required to attend, me and Alton would usually spend the entire time together. He didn’t use to be a fan of it either. Having him there… It always made it feel better, it always made it fun somehow- Then he turned to look at me- Having you there, it’s going to make it feel better

I smiled, filled with emotion, but I had to say something- You’re definitely turning soft on me

He rolled his eyes-I should’ve known better than being nice with you, Granger

Our verbal sparring continued until we stopped in front of a big house, the doors were open to reveal a ball room at the bottom of the stairs. I’ve done this before. They’ll announce us and we’ll go down and I’ll act like I’m entitled to the world

So we did just that. The servant opened the car door and Neil took my hand to help me out of the car. Then, I took his arm and we walked in to the top of the stars. People there looked at Neil like he was a rare diamond, like the king of England just walked in. I could feel his tenseness with the looks, but the preparedness for it in his eyes, he whispered to the announcer and then held my arm tighter

-Mr. Cornelius Dresner of Boston and his fiancée Miss Granger

-C’mon- I said lowly and he followed, so we both went down the stairs.

At the bottom of it his family came over again, and soon I could see people looking and gossiping. It was a good hour of walking around and talking to his family and everyone Neil once used to know and introducing me. I felt like I was in one of those old periods of time when the upper crust used to announce engagements.

After a while I was talking to Lucille while Neil talked to some of the other men. Then she looked behind me and got closer to whisper something- Look, Momma just took Neil to talk to Lillie and left them alone

I looked around feeling my heart jump, at first I felt was surprised. I remember who Lillie was, Lucille’s best friend and… Neil’s ex-fiancée. I remember feeling pity for her because Neil left her, but the pangs of jealousy struck me once I saw her.

She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, for the second time that day I felt insecurity, but this made me feel much tinier. Because I knew Neil’s mother approved of her, because she was part of the high society and she grew up in it. Her pale skin, her green eyes, her dark smooth hair. She was tall and charming, she was the figure of elegancy. I also knew Neil found her attractive, that he was romantically involved with her once. If he used to love her, how can I be sure all those feelings are gone? No… It’s just the atmosphere and everything, it’s just all throwing me off.

I must’ve been so shaken up I felt paralyzed. Lucille shook me- Hey… Hey! They walked outside. We can spy on them from over in that room- She said pulling me along, I wasn’t even paying attention until I was already there. It was a dark room, looked like an office? Lucille brought us to a window, the drapes were almost closed so you couldn’t see us, but we could spy on them

-I have missed you, Neil- She looked up to him, and her eyes were shining. I knew what that look was… She was still in love with him- I haven’t courted anyone else- She showed him her hand- I’m still wearing the ring you picked out for me.

-I didn’t really pick it out, Lillie it was…

-Yeah, your grandmother’s. You told me remember? You got it when you were fourteen. It was to keep it to the woman you loved the most, to the woman you wished to spend the rest of your life with, whom you’ll always love and that woman shall always love you- She held his hands this time and I felt my stomach sink- You told me that you would always love me if I always loved you back-She got closer to him, this time placing her hand on his face- Here I am, still loving you. Can you say everything was washed away?

He took a few steps back, his confusion could be seen on his face. I wondered what he had to be confused about- Nothing is ever just washed away, Lillie. You of all people should know that.

My heart hurt, what did he mean by that, did he mean his feelings for her were still there?

She smiled softly-Neil… You never gave me closure. You never ended our engagement. One day you were just gone. People kept telling me that you were gone for good-She looked away at the stars, it was a well moonlit light. It was perfectly romantic, but that didn’t fit me one bit in that moment. I hated the romanticism of the stars and the shine that it gave on her face. I hated that it made her look more beautiful- But me and Lucille we knew you’d come back to us. That you’d come back to me. And you were so troubled when you left…

-Lillie…-He looked at the stars now too- I’m sorry for what I’ve done in the past. There’s a lot of stuff I’ve done that I can’t fix and I have to live with it. But I got a second chance to make things better. I’m not the same man who proposed to you back then

-Then how is it I look in your eyes and I see him? I see my Neil

I don’t know if I was feeling anger, sadness or disbelief. It could’ve been all of those together. Lillie knows Neil is engaged to me, she must know, we were announced together. You’d think she’d have some respect

-You see what you want to see, Lillie. You think you love me but you don’t

-I went after you! I went to Chicago-He looked at her with interest, she was caught up in her emotions, crying now- Mr. Drummond told me how you were troubled, lost in… Morphine, was it? I looked for you all around the city, and I couldn’t find you. I’m fighting for you Neil. I can’t give up on us

He breathed funny- Lillie-

Before he could say anything else she hugged him, and he hugged her back for my surprise. When was it that Neil hugged any girl like that?

-Seemed you two form quite the spies- A voice behind us said- Me and Lillie jumped. It was Neil’s mother, and she seemed satisfied from what she saw outside, seeing as she was the facilitator in the situation- You see, Miss Granger. Neil belongs back here, in Boston. And you belong is whatever infested middle-class house you came from with your people. You will never be worthy of my son, and of course it only took the right girl to pull him back into his senses.

-Mother…!- Lucille started

-I’ve had enough of it, Lucille! The little gal needs to know her place. Did you think you could ever make your way into OUR family?

I didn’t say anything. This was so far away from my reality at the Ice Box, my family or everything that I’d ever done before. I couldn’t… I can’t handle this.

-I have to go- It was the only thing I could say before flying out of there. I got back in the car asking for the driver to take me back to the town house, once I was in I couldn’t stop my racing thoughts until I was in the guest room, packing my bags.

But then I stopped. Neil… I can’t just leave him like this. I was so mad at him, I was so mad at all of this, I… I want to go back to Chicago. I looked in the mirror again, all dressed up in fancy things, this isn’t who I am. I surprised myself by ripping it all out of me, putting on my favorite green dress and hat, the ones I wore all the time. Once I was back in clothes that made me recognize myself I swore I’d never again try to be somebody I wasn’t. C’mon MC, you always knew you didn’t have to prove anything to anybody.

But I let my stupid wandering thoughts continue. Neil knelt down in front of Lillie once and asked her to marry him. He asked her to marry him, not me. She had a ring on her finger, not me.

I don’t know how much time had passed by when I heard people in the house.

-MC!- I heard Neil’s voice from downstairs- MC!- He didn’t knock on my door, just walked in- Lucille, she told me you listened to me and Lillie talk

-Yeah, I heard it, alright

-I…-He was going to say something when he saw the bag I started to pack, then he looked at me, visibly mad- You were leaving? Without me?

-No! Not without you. I was gonna wait for you- I walked until him- Let’s go back to Chicago

-We’ve only been here a day

-I can’t be here anymore, Neil. Please, let’s leave

-I haven’t been back in years. You convince me to write to my sister, convince me to come over here, we’re here less than 24 hours and you want me to leave? I just got the courage to be here

-Neil, today has been the most stressful day of my life! I have been dressing up like a paper doll, I have been trying to impress your mother and all I’ve been hearing is how much I’m not worthy, how I won’t fit in, how I’m way in over my head! I have been feeling nothing but insecure, down and I’ve been trying to do everything for you, but I can’t- I was rambling on and tears had begun falling from my eyes, but I didn’t even care- I’ve been keeping a stone face all day trying to make you happy because I know this is huge, but it’s tiring! It’s tiring feeling so out of place, and then hearing your mother say all those things, and then I walked out there to the ball and you go in a secluded area with your beautiful ex-fiancée to exchange words of love under the moonlight?!

-I didn’t say any words of love!- He raised his voice, more than I’ve ever heard him raise it before- I was feeling bad for Lillie, I left her and never came back after promising her a married life! I gave her time because I was trying to fix what I did wrong in the past, with everyone!

I didn’t know what to say or think- Neil, let’s just please, go!

-Yes, I think it’s time you went back to Chicago, if you’re going to behave like this the whole trip you should go!

I looked back at him wide-eyed- You don’t mean…!

-I thought I saw a woman, MC. But how could I, you’re nineteen! I’m thirty-two. You’re the same kid I saw the first night you came to Chicago.

I looked right at him as I wiped my tears off my face, then I grabbed my bag I had packed. Neil called Lillie a ghost back in Chicago, but he was wrong. Lillie wasn’t a ghost, nothing back in Boston or his past life had anything to go with ghosts, ghosts terrify you, but he seemed just fine where he was. Maybe this is where Neil belongs after all. But it’s sure not where I belong.

That night for me was the true ghostly aura. A memory that’d haunt me forever. I left Boston, alone, under the beautiful moonlight that would have enchanted me otherwise. I left with only one certainty: I’ll be dead before somebody ever mentions the name Neil Dresner to me ever again!

1933

-Alright, ready?- I asked and the kids all agreed. Neil wasn’t one to make a big deal out of his birthday, but after a few ones together he knew there was no point in fighting against it. I’d always want it to make it a special day, so we settled on a cake and some candles. Just me, him and the kids- One, two, three!

The kids along with me started our little choir, for that man that was so special to all of us- Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear daddy! Happy birthday to you!

-Do we really need to do this every year?-He asked, cynically, but with a little smile on his face

-Alright, mister doom and gloom! We have this discussion every year!- I kissed him in the cheek

We all had our piece of cake. After putting the kids to bed, I walked outside, the moon was shining in the sky and it was a cold January night. Neil soon joined me- One more year close to death- He said raising his glass, then proceeding to drink the bourbon inside it

-You always know how to lighten up the mood-I pulled him in for a hug and along with it a long kiss

-You’re something else, MC, you know that?

-I’ve been told-I smiled up to him, mischievously

-You can never have any idea of how much I love you- He played with my hair, moving it out of my face

-I have some

He chuckled very softly, almost inaudibly- I just ask one thing of you, MC Granger… Never change who you are

----

Little curiosities: DRAAAAAMA. I thought they deserved a little fight and angst. Well, next chapter we’ll be back in Chicago and it’s time for the Ice Box to shine again! Woo Woo, Prohibition stuuuff!

Thanks so much for reading this chapter, guys! Hope you enjoyed it!

Chapter 4 is already on its way!

-Candy, My Dear Diary (5/24/2020)

[kriscme]

One Life To Live

Hi Readers, this is a reposting of Chapter 24.   I didn’t like parts of the ending so I rewrote it.  I hope this makes Katniss’s thought process clearer.  As always, thanks to Ronja for allowing me to write fanfic of her Hunger Games fanfic “The Chance You Didn’t Take” and thanks to you for reading.  “The Chance You Didn’t Take” is on Ao3 and FanFiction. Chapter 24

Ready to move on with my life.  I repeat this mantra at least a dozen times the following day.  I say it as I walk to work.  I say it as I clean the blackboard.  I say it as I walk past the bakery.  I say it as I pass through the Village gates on my way home.  I’m still saying it when I go to answer the knock at the door, and I say it again when I see who it is.   It’s Peeta.

He hangs back as if he’s unsure what kind of welcome he’ll get.  He looks tired, with circles under his eyes, and his clothes are a little disheveled, like they’ve been slept in.  One hand clutches a large, bulging paper bag.   A silver ring with a love knot gleams dully on one finger.   He gives me a hesitant smile.  “Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” I say in return.

There are a few seconds of uncomfortable silence.  If Peeta has a reason for being here, he’s slow to get to it.  “Um, do you want to come in?” I ask.  Maybe that’s what he’s waiting for.  I step back to give him room. He hesitates for a moment, as if considering it. “Thanks, but I can’t stay.  I have to get into town.  I just wanted to see you before I left.  To give you this.”  I take the bag he offers me.  I unfold the top and see that it’s full of cookies.  A least six different kinds.  He has been busy. “And to apologize for the other night.   I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.  I know none of it is your fault.  I don’t why I did – I think it just reminded me – “ “Of another time?” I interject.  “I thought that’s what happened.  Memories are returning, then?” He nods.  “Yeah, and at unexpected times and places.  I was wrong to blame you that other time too, wasn’t I?” I shrug.  “It’s not nice to be the last to know, especially when it concerns you,” I concede.  “We – that is, Haymitch and I – thought Lace would have told you, since you’re engaged and all.  That’s why we didn’t.”  I refrain from mentioning that I had also threatened her.   “I understand.  It was Lace’s place to tell me.  No one else.”   We lapse into silence again, but even though Peeta has said what he came to say, he makes no move to go. “I missed you this morning,” I blurt out, when the silence becomes untenable.  I want to kick myself.  The plan was to pretend I hadn’t noticed.  But I waited nearly fifteen minutes for him to show when I shouldn’t have even given him one second.  He was the one at fault, not me.  As the day progressed, the anger built.  I kept it leashed when I was with the children, but when Max started on me with his usual teasing, he got the full force of it, and he left me alone.   And I know he was just dying to pester me for details of what happened at the pub.   “Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” he says, all contrition.  “I’ve had a couple of rough nights and I slept in.  I ended up taking the day off work.”

“Oh,” I feel myself soften a little.  That’s something I can relate to.   He does look very tired, exhausted even.  And there’s something about it that’s familiar, a sort of haunted look about the eyes.  I guess it takes one to know one.  “Nightmares?” “Yeah, I’ve been having them for a while now. They came with the memories, but the ones just lately . . .” He doesn’t finish, but looks away, as if he can’t meet my eye.   “They’ve got worse?” I prompt.   “No.  Not worse, just . . . different.”   I wait for him to elaborate but he doesn’t. Maybe he wants me to ask.  He seems to be waiting for something.  But I don’t want to know about his nightmares. If he wants to talk to someone about them, he has Lace.   “I guess it’s the cost of finding yourself,” I say rather unhelpfully.  “But I sympathise about the nightmares.  They can be brutal.”  Unbidden, a hint of animosity creeps into my voice.   That guest room ban still rankles.   “I’ve found that out,” he replies.   “I’m sorry now that I wasn’t more understanding of yours.  I suppose you can add that to the list of the many things I have to be sorry about.” There’s another pause.  He wants me to ask what they are, I know he does.   But I’m tired of this round-a-bout way of conversing.  It’s confusing me.  If he has something to tell me, why doesn’t he just say it straight out?  I thought he was in a hurry to get into town, anyway. “Well, thanks for the cookies.  There’s enough to keep me going for weeks, but I’m sure Marcus will help out.”  I don’t know why I bring up Marcus, except to show Peeta that I can have someone too if I want.   “I’d better not keep you any longer.” He does that looking away thing again.  “You’re right, I should be going.  I have a lot to do.”  He turns back to me with a sad smile.  “Bye Katniss.  I guess I’ll see you around.” I watch him pass through the Village Gates and then disappear from sight.  He seems so forlorn, almost defeated. The nightmares must have come back with a vengeance.  And I suppose this business with Lace has knocked him around a bit too.  I have an impulse to run after him and put my arms around him, to give comfort in any way I can.  I don’t act on it, of course.  Besides, what did he mean by “I’ll see you around?”  Surely, he should have said, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”  He’s decided not to walk with me into town anymore then.  I suppose he’s realized that he can’t continue to cling to the friendship the way he has, not when he’s to marry in a few weeks.  I don’t know whether to feel anger or relief.  I decide on relief.  It will be easier for us both.  

Johanna comes over for a visit, conveniently right on dinnertime.  We sneak in a few words about Peeta while Marcus isn’t listening, but she has little to add to what she told me last night, other than the locket is still by the phone where he left it.  

After dinner, Johanna and I decide to visit Haymitch.  Marcus is occupied pouring over maps so we won’t be missed.  Unfortunately, our timing is off.  Haymitch has settled into his favorite lounge chair with a bottle of white liquor and a big paper bag of cookies beside him.   “One Life to Live” is about to start and this particular episode has been promoted as not to be missed.  Apparently, Celia is to lose the chaste in Chastely.   Johanna and I clear a space on the sofa and sit down.  There’ll be no real conversation until “One Life to Live” is over.  I sigh.  You have to be brain dead to enjoy this show.  But then I see Haymitch take a swig of his liquor.  I guess he’d have lost a significant number of brain cells by now. The show opens with Ginger having the final fitting for her wedding gown.   “She looks like a giant puff-ball,” comments Johanna. “It’s to hide her pregnancy.  It must be quite advanced by now,” I say. “Quiet!” barks Haymitch. Chastised, Johanna and I turn our attention back to the TV.   Blake and Ginger are consulting with the caterers over the menu for the reception.  Ginger wants it all to be ginger-colored to go with her name. She decides on sweet potato souffle, lobster with thousand island dressing and blood orange jelly with carrot ice-cream for dessert.  Blake is apathetic about it.  He looks like a man who’s given up all hope.  His roguish older brother, Ryder, who accompanies them, tries to cheer him up with a dirty joke, but it barely raises a smile. Meanwhile, it appears that Celia has got herself a boyfriend.  Her parents enthusiastically approve.  His name is Lance Bounder and his family owns the largest marijuana plantation in the district.   Actually, it’s grown and sold as hemp, but everyone knows where the real source of the Bounders’ wealth comes from and it isn’t rope.  On the surface, Lance is perfect for Celia.  Amazingly good looking with abs to die for.  Wealthy, charming, loves horses and small fluffy animals and, most importantly, shares the Chastely passion for organic farming. On this day, Celia is spending the day at the Bounder mansion.  The rest of the family is out, leaving Celia and Lance all alone.  Lance reaches into a dish for what looks like dried-up grass, and stuffs it into a small pipe.  After it’s lit, he offers it to Celia. “I couldn’t possibly,” says Celia. “I don’t approve of mind-altering drugs.” “It’s 100 per cent organic,” says Lance. “Oh, alright then,” says Celia, and takes a puff.   And another. And then another.   Celia loses all inhibition.  Clothes are strewn the length of the room and soon Celia and Lance are engaged in passionate sex.   “Wow,” Johanna whispers to me.  “Outside of the porn channel, I didn’t know they allowed this sort of thing on television.  Is he licking her – “ “Yes,” I say quickly before she can say the word. “It looks as if he’s trying to reach her tonsils.” After they’ve tried multiple positions, they call out for the gardener.   He’s been clipping the same hedge by the window since soon after they started.  

“What are they doing?” I whisper to Johanna.

“Making a sandwich,” she replies. Eventually, all three of them collapse exhausted.  The camera pans over Celia’s face.  The corners of her mouth curve into a satisfied smile.   “She’s going to regret it the next day,” murmurs Johanna in my ear. “Why do you think that?”  Celia seems very content to me. “Urinary tract infection.  Believe me, I know,” she answers. Next, we see Blake and Ryder on the porch of the Knightly home having a drink together.  A glorious sunset delineates the oil rigs in the distance, but Blake is blind to its beauty.  He’s sunk in despondency.  Ryder watches him, deeply worried. The episode ends with Ginger meeting secretly with the real father of her baby – the lead guitarist in the punk rock band “The Sucking Mosquitos.”  She tells him that soon after the baby is born, she intends to file for divorce and get half of Blake’s fortune.  The lovers seal their dastardly plan with a passionate kiss.  

The closing credits roll.  Haymitch fumbles around for the remote control, eventually finds it down the side of the chair, and turns off the television.   “So, what do you two want?” he asks crossly. I guess I should have remembered that Monday nights are special to Haymitch.  He likes to sit and relax with his favorite soap while imbibing a bottle or two of some alcoholic beverage.   “Can’t we just visit a neighbor without wanting anything?” I reply. “It would be a first.  So, what is it?  Information about the boy?  What makes you think I have any?” “That bag of cookies for a start,” says Johanna.   “We know he’s been here.  Peeta made enough to feed an army.   We’re concerned for him, that’s all.” Haymitch’s eyes travel to Johanna before landing on me.  He looks skeptical.  And then he shrugs.   “Memories are coming thick and fast and he doesn’t know what to do with them.  He says they’re all mixed up in his head.  He had a lot of questions about what happened in 13.” He looks in my direction. “Your reaction to his capture.  How you came to be the Mockingjay.  Questions like that.” “What did you tell him?” I ask. “The truth.  That you became the Mockingjay so he’d have immunity.  How I got the scars on my face.   Why he was rescued.” “What he did he say?” “He said you must have cared for him very much.” “And?” “That’s all.  He didn’t have any other questions.  That’s what you want, isn’t it?  Only tell him what he asks?”   “But how did he seem?  Was he happy about it?”   Haymitch pauses as if can’t decide to be truthful or tactful.   He settles on his usual bluntness. “He seemed upset.” My heart sinks.  For the briefest of moments, hope had flared.  But it was simply another false alarm, like always. Haymitch opens his mouth to add something, but his attention is claimed by Johanna.  “Did he tell you what happened with Lace?” she demands.  

Through a fog, I hear them talk about what happened at the pub and Peeta’s reaction to it.  Only one thought reverberates through my brain.  He knows!  He knows! And then: he wasn’t happy about it.   The very opposite, in fact.   “. . . making a mistake.  But it’s up to him.  Katniss, what do you think?” “Hmm?  Ah, yes.  Up to him,” I stammer out.  Johanna gives me an odd look and then goes back to talking with Haymitch. “Are you alright?”  she asks, shortly after we leave.  “You’re acting weird, even for you.” I scowl at her.  “I’m fine.  I’m just tired, that’s all.” “Better have an early night then.” Johanna lets out a massive yawn.   “Actually, I think I could do with one myself.  ‘night.” “Goodnight.”  

Johanna makes the short journey across the road to Peeta’s house, while I make the even shorter one to my house next door.  But I don’t go in.   Instead I sit down on the porch steps.  I need to think.   Was there anything I missed, in that strange conversation I had with Peeta?  There might be some hope in all that gloom.   I know Peeta had called in on Haymitch first. He must have, because he left to go into town after he called in on me.  That means he knew then how I feel about him.  I go over what was said.  He told me he’s having nightmares.  There’s nothing unusual in that, though.  Most of us who have gone through the Games have nightmares.  And then he said he has things to be sorry about.   But that’s just a natural consequence of regaining one’s memories.  Nearly everyone has something they wish they could take back, or do differently.   So, nothing he said tells me anything. But the way he acted did.   Haymitch said he was upset when he heard, and he wasn’t happy when he came to see me either.   He’d be glad, wouldn’t he, if my being in love with him was a good thing? Of course, he would.  It was unwelcomed then.  That explains why he could hardly look me in the eye.  It’s awkward when someone loves you and you don’t return it.   I remember that feeling with Gale. You feel bad.  Bad for them.  And bad for yourself, because whatever easy relationship you had can never be the same again.  That’s why he’s not walking with me into town anymore.  He knows he has to separate himself from me for my sake, as well as his own.  He can’t be with Lace, and knowingly continue a friendship with someone he knows is in love with him.   I want to crawl into a hole and die. It’s what I’ve been dreading all along. I am so humiliated.  For once heartbreak doesn’t come into it.  I’ve been dealing with that for months.  But I had my pride.  And now I don’t even have that.  How can I face him, knowing that he knows?  He’s probably gone over in his head all the clues he’s missed.  My moods, my insistence that he find his former self.  What a fool I’ve been thinking that it would make any difference.  If he loved me, he’d love me, memories or not.  The hijacking wasn’t the cause.   His love for me had simply burned out.  Or he’s been right all this time.  It was illusion.  Never real in the first place.  How stupid I’ve been.  Peeta’s been telling me all along how he feels, but I’ve refused to accept it.   I don’t know how long I stay on the porch. It’s like I can’t move, because to do so will require some kind of action, or emotion on my part.  A great weariness seems to have pervaded my very bones.  I haven’t felt this way since those early days when I returned to 12, when my entire world had shrunk to an old rocker in a corner of my kitchen.   It seems such a comforting thing, to shut the world out entirely, and not have to deal with it.  Across the road, I see the lights in Peeta’s house go out.  Johanna has retired for the night then.  Haymitch is still up.  Even from here I can hear his television blaring.  Whether I participate or not, life goes on.  

I stretch out my stiffened legs and rise from the porch.  Perhaps this is for the best, this end of hope.  I can give up this game.  That the question of whether I can regain Peeta’s love has been answered, even if that answer is a resounding no.   I’m now entirely free to act as I wish because whatever I do won’t make a scrap of difference as far as Peeta is concerned. I can survive this just as I’ve survived everything else.  I know I can. It might even mark the start of something new and exciting.  I’ll try every food at the feast.  Or I could be like Peeta.  He found love again.  What did he say to me once long ago, when I despaired that I will never again be loved as he had loved me?     “I hope that you will, and it will the kind of love where you both feel the same way about each other." Marcus has started to pack away his maps when I enter the house.   “How was Haymitch?” he asks. “He’s good.  We had to sit through “One Life to Live” though.  Celia lost her virginity and Blake is miserable.  That’s all you really need to know.” “Good to see the tables turned for a change. And no, I don’t watch it, if that’s what you’re thinking.  I’ve just seen the advertising on TV for it.” I walk over to the table and peer down at one of the charts.  It’s an aerial photograph of the lake area.  A small square structure at the edge of the lake must be the concrete house.   Marcus comes to stand close behind me. “I’ve been mapping out walks we can do from the lake.  Nothing too arduous.  I thought it would be nice if we have time to simply relax and enjoy the surroundings. Here, I’ll show you one of them.” He takes one of my hands and traces a loop that takes in a densely wooded area nearby.  I know it well.  

His body is warm against my back, and I press into it.  The hand that covers mine comes to rest around my waist to pull me closer.  Something stirs in me, something primitive and wholly physical that has been suppressed for far too long.   And there’s something else too.   The need for human contact?  Affection? Reassurance that even if Peeta doesn’t want me I’m still desirable and worthy of being loved?   I don’t know and I don’t stop to analyze it.  I’m done with thinking.  I want to be a creature purely of the senses, unconcerned with anything beyond this moment.  His free hand pushes aside my braid and his head dips to nuzzle my neck.   His beard, rough and soft at the same time, sends tiny shockwaves of pleasure down the entire length of my body.  And when I turn within the circle of his arms, his lips are waiting for me.  

[verai-marcel]

The Man Next Door (RDR2 Fanfic, 18+, Part 2B)

Part 1: Beginnings | Part 2A: High Honor

Also find it on AO3 here.

Tags: Low Honor Arthur, paid sex, blow jobs, deepthroating, speedbumping, dirty talk, rough sex 

Side B: Low Honor

WC: 1684

“Miss me, darlin’?”

“Very funny,” you said, trying not to laugh, but your grin gave you away. He smiled back at you, making you melt with how hot he looked. His white T-shirt had some grease stains from whatever car he had been working on, the fabric tight on his pecs and shoulders. His jeans were dark blue and hugged his hips, and as he sat down next to you on the couch, you could see his thigh muscles bulge against the fabric.

“I appreciate you always willin’ to help with Isaac,” he said.

“Not a problem, he’s a good kid.”

He pulled out his wallet and handed you $100. “There’s a little extra too, ‘cause I was late.”

“Thanks,” you said, putting the money away in your laptop bag. “Long day?” you asked as you leaned back on the couch. He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling, resting his arms along the back of the couch. His hand was close enough to reach your head, and you felt him idly twirling his fingers around some of your hair.

“Yeah. But it was good.” He looked over at you, a heat in his stare that hadn’t been there before. “It’d be even better if you stayed.”

You gulped. Oh, how you wanted to. But you weren’t sure if it was the right thing to do. The consequences of this not working out were more than you were willing to risk.

“I don’t know…”

Arthur sat up and scooted closer to you, leaning in. His hand tightened in your hair a bit, his other hand reached out to caress your jawline. Your lips parted, and he stroked your lower lip gently with his calloused thumb.

You blinked and moved away from him. This couldn’t happen. You got up from the couch. “I’d better go,” you said, bending to pick your laptop, realizing too late that you were giving Arthur an eyeful of your ass as you bent over.

“I’ll double your pay if you stay tonight.”

You froze. That was money you could use. But would you do it? Could you sell yourself to him for that extra cash? You slowly stood up to your full height and looked down at him. He sat on the couch, looking casual, but the heat in his stare set your core on fire.

“Stay,” he crooned in that deep voice that you loved to hear. “I’ll make you feel good.”

You took a step closer. He sat up and took your hands in his. Tugging at you gently until you were standing between his spread legs, he wrapped his hands around your waist and pulled you down until your knees were on the couch, straddling his lap.

“Is that a yes?” he asked as one of his hands gripped the back of your neck and slowly pulled you towards his lips.

It was like a moth being drawn to a flame, the bright heat too much for you to resist. Your lips parted in answer, and he took you in a consuming kiss, almost forcing his tongue inside your mouth. Your tongues battled for dominance as he crushed his lips to yours, devouring you as he pulled your body tighter to his, his hand wandering to your hips to pulled you on top of the bulge in his jeans. You grinded against him, wanting more of his touch, just more of him. His hands grabbed your ass, squeezing it roughly.

“Fuck, I’ve wanted you for so long,” he whispered against your cheek before he went for your throat, licking a line down to you collarbone and nipping your skin. “You’ve been in my dreams for half a year.”

You leaned your head back and sighed as he started to pull up your tank top.

“Wait,” you said all of a sudden. “We can’t do it out here.”

“Hmm. You’re right. Got distracted.” Arthur wrapped his arms around you and picked you up effortlessly as he stood up and took you to his bedroom. He made sure the door was locked before taking you to the bed, falling on top of you to continue his assault on your body. He pulled off your tank top and started fondling your breasts, kissing and licking your nipples, teasing you with his thumb and fingers.

“Your tits are the best,” he murmured. “And your ass, too.” He reached under you and grabbed your ass again. Pulling away from you, he pulled your shorts and panties off quickly before falling back upon you. The rough fabric of his clothes rubbed against your sensitive skin.

“I can’t wait to take you,” he growled as he leaned back long enough to take his shirt off. His scent surrounded you, machine oil and musk, as he worked his way down your body, nipping and biting, leaving love marks on your skin. His grip on you was tight enough to bruise, and he slapped your breast lightly. You twitched and gasped. He smiled darkly at your reaction.

“Like it rough?” he asked as he started to play with your clit, pinching it a bit too hard. You arched your back and inhaled sharply in response.

“Thought so,” he said as he forced two fingers inside of you. Though you were wet, you were tight, and the sudden intrusion made you flinch. You scooted back on the bed, but he pulled your ankle to bring you closer as he started to finger fuck you, watching you thrash on the bed, trying not to scream.

“That’s it, baby, give in to me,” he crooned as he thumbed your clit, bringing you to the edge before suddenly stopping, leaving you a heaving, sweaty mess.

Taking a step back, he grabbed you by the hair and pulled you off the bed, forcing you to kneel in front him. He unzipped his fly and pulled out his cock, stroking it a few times to get himself fully stiff. Then he reached down and put his other hand on the back of your head.

“I know you’ve wanted this. Don’t deny it.”

You couldn’t. All you could do was open your mouth and take his thick length down your throat. His hips twitched, trying not to choke you as you deepthroated him, but you still choked anyway; he was too thick for you. You pulled back and coughed before coming back to suck hard on his cock, loving the way he moaned and breathed your name every time you licked his sensitive head. When he finally grabbed you by the hair and pulled you away, you were running out of breath.

“Get up here,” he ordered, and you crawled back up onto the bed, but just as you were about to turn onto your back, Arthur suddenly slammed his body against yours, crushing you against the mattress face first. His cock pulsed against your ass, his body hard and heavy on top of yours. His skin was warm, his breath hot against your ear. He lifted his hips up and pulled your hips up with him, slipping a pillow under your stomach to prop you up. Then you felt the head of him push into your pussy from behind.

You squirmed underneath him, and he slapped your ass. “Stay still,” he growled, holding down your hips as he kept pushing into you. A cry escaped your lips, and he grabbed the other pillow and shoved a corner of it into your mouth. You did your best to adjust to his thickness, but it still burned; you weren’t ready for how big he was.

“Take it, sweetheart,” he grunted as he pushed the last inch into you. “You’re so tight, feels so good.” He didn’t give you time to adjust; he pounded brutally into you, taking his pleasure from you, wringing out your muffled cries with great joy.

“I love makin’ you scream,” he said in a low voice as he took you hard, lifting himself up to hold you down by your upper arms. “You’re such a good whore, ain’tcha?”

You moaned.

“But I know,” he whispered into your ear. “You woulda let me fuck you anyway.” He thrust hard into you. “Ain’t that right, slut?”

You nodded and made a muffled “uh huh” sound. He had paid for you tonight, even though you would have given in for free. He pulled the pillow out of your mouth.

“I know you wanted my cock, messin’ you up. Bet you want my cum too. Do ya?”

“Yes,” you replied, your voice raw from your screams. “Please cum inside me!” you whispered desperately.

Your begging made him snap; his grip on your arms tightened and he angled his thrusts deeper, rammed into you harder, until he came with a deep moan, muttering ‘fuck’ several times before he pulled out of you. You felt his seed spilling out of you onto your skin and felt like a porn actress; but part of you liked it.

“You look so pretty with my cum dripping out your used hole,” he said vulgarly. “I shoulda fucked you earlier. We coulda had so much fun.”

You turned to face him. You had no idea he was such a dirty man. But when he looked at you with that hunger in his eyes, your body responded in a way that left you breathless. You never had that reaction with anyone else. And you had to admit that you enjoyed it.

He reached out to cup your cheek. “Now, I know I offered you money, but, really, I just wanted you. I want us to try this.” He pulled you into his arms. “I’ll still give you the money because I said I would. But after this. I’ll take you out on a real date. Will you do it?”

You looked into his eyes, sparkling with an affection and a heat that you knew you would never get tired of.

“I’ll do it. Let’s try.”

His smile made you forget any reservations you may have had about starting a relationship with your neighbor. Everything was going to be alright.

End Notes: So this is a bad example of sex; remember to get your condoms and your pills before trying anything! Anyway, hope you enjoyed this version!

[hymn2000]

Chiquitita - MCU AU fanfic - C33 (Final)

Story summary: Something strange is happening. Someone from space has made their way to Earth, armed with a strange weapon. Targeting teenagers, their ray gun, when fired, turns the victim into a toddler. The Avengers set out to stop this, and find a way to reverse the effects. However, they don’t all come out of the battle unscathed.

Previous chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22   23 24  25  26 27 28 29 30 31 32

Part of my Frostiron and Spiderson series.

Warnings/themes: de-aging, family stuff, corporal punishment (early chapters only), mental health stuff, hurt/comfort, hospital/medical stuff

You can also find me on AO3

Chapter 33 - Epilogue

-

Peter’s legs did get better. Loki pushed him quite hard, spending countless hours in the pool and giving him various exercises (recommended by Jo Jo) to do. It was often difficult, and Peter sometimes got cross and upset, but after a few days he was no longer confined to the main pool.

Loki let them venture into the ‘weird pool’ as he called it: the bit of the pool with all the lights and ledges and fairy pools and puzzles. He found that Peter was better when he was distracted. He had to climb a lot and manoeuvre himself and clamber about and figure things out. He had to work quite hard to do it, but having something interesting to do shifted his focus from the pain and trembling in his legs over to the task at hand. It was good for mind, body, and soul.

-

Peter wasn’t back at school full time yet. He had one day decided he was ready, and against his better judgement, Tony gave him the benefit of the doubt and let him go. Peter insisted he would be fine, and Tony just nodded - but he wasn’t surprised when the school rang to say Peter had collapsed. Peter was incredibly upset when Tony picked him up. 

“It was so embarrassing!” he cried on the way home. “My legs gave out and they wouldn’t work again. I just couldn’t get up! Nigel had to help me, and even then I couldn’t stand, and Ms Hathersage was like, I admire your persistence, but you’re just not ready to be back. And then Nigel basically carried me to the sick room and everyone saw and it was so horrible!”

Tony had been sympathetic and did the best he could to reassure him, but firmly told him he wasn’t going back to school until he was 100% ready. A few days later, he had a meeting with the school, and it was decided that when Peter was ready, he would go back for half-days. Tony decided not to tell Peter until the time came.

-

Things did get easier. Against Tony’s wishes, Peter decided he wanted to meet some of Kindsprengen’s victims. A TV station helped set it up, but Tony refused to give them permission to film Peter, so he still stayed out of the limelight. 

Meeting some of the others who had been through the same experience really helped Peter. He met up with five of them, and three of them had experienced the same problem of shaking legs and mild dexterity problems after being zapped back, which came as a huge relief to Peter. It meant his experience was universal. He also found it useful talking about all the other left-over effects, like the emotions and the attachment to toys and kids telly. It was also interesting how being changed into a toddler, and being changed back, felt different to each of them. It was a strange situation, but talking to people with the same experiences helped.

Peter also met up and talked at length with Steve. Steve understood what it was like to suddenly wake up and have his last memories being something they shouldn’t really be. He also knew what it was like to adjust to a world they felt lost from. It really lifted a weight being able to talk about it. 

Reminiscing about the time he spent as a toddler was another important part of coming to terms with what had happened. He liked the stories everyone had to tell, and he liked talking about what he himself remembered. He asked Loki to buy him a notebook, and he spent hours privately writing down all of his toddler memories. He couldn’t change what had happened, and he decided eventually that he didn’t mind what had happened. He wanted to preserve it, strange as it all was. He felt there was something important about it.

-

A few things stuck from his time as a toddler. For one, Tony still called him Bambino. Peter was still attached to his rocket, and he did still play with his toys a fair bit. He was also still happy cuddling down watching kids telly. He generally had to nap in the afternoons, just for an hour or so. He also still started whimpering about things that didn’t really warrant tears, but he supposed there had to be at least one drawback side effect of Kindsprengen’s gun.

-

Tony found Peter wrapped in a blanket, cuddled up on Loki’s lap on the sofa one evening. He sat beside them and handed Peter a mug of warm milk.

“Thanks dad” Peter said, accepting the mug gratefully.

“Good afternoon?”

Peter nodded. “My legs don’t hurt as much anymore, even after that long swimming pool session. I think they’re getting better”

“How long have you been in here?”

Peter shrugged slightly, looking at Loki. “About twenty minutes?”

“About that” Loki said. “Your legs are still a little trembly, but they’re not too bad. You’ve made good progress”

“Does this mean I can go back to school now? I miss my friends”

Peter really did. He’d been too upset about his walking troubles to ask any of his friends round or meet up with them. 

“You’re in too much of a rush” Loki said gently. “If you miss them, ask them to visit. They won’t mind if you can’t walk for very long or if you need to keep resting”

Peter pouted. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He sighed and sipped his milk. Tony stroked his hair gently. 

“My little boy” he kissed him gently on the cheek. “You’ll get there. Just take advantage of all the extra looking after and stuff until you do”

Peter smiled slightly. “Well, I have enjoyed not having to make my own drinks”

Tony grinned and ruffled his hair. “I’ll make you drinks whenever you like, chick”

Peter giggled, going back to his drink. “Dad?”

“Yes, darling”

“I love you”

“Aww, sweetheart” Tony kissed him. “I love you too”

Peter looked at Loki. “I love you as well”

“And I love you” Loki said, kissing him on the temple. “You’re my baby boy”

“You say that a lot” Peter said.

He settled back against Loki’s chest and gulped down the rest of his milk.

“Can you do the one with the spices and stuff tomorrow night?” Peter asked. 

“Sure thing, kiddo” Tony said, taking the empty mug from him and setting it down on the coffee table. “Was that ok?”

Peter nodded, pulling the blanket back round himself properly. “Warm milk is such a good thing”

Peter yawned, and his nose wrinkled. 

“You’re so cute” Tony said, stroking his cheek with the back of his finger. “Are you tired?”

Peter nodded, yawning again. “I think it’s probably bedtime”

“I think that would be sensible” Loki said. “It’s been a long afternoon”

“Can you two take me?”

“Sure thing, kiddo” Tony said. “Let’s get you settled”

-

Peter snuggled down in bed. He had a parent either side of him, each of them stroking his hair gently. 

“You’ve done so well” Loki said gently. “You’re doing so well”

“I still get tired more than I did, I’m sure of it” Peter said, hugging his rocket and seal close.

“Never mind. That just means you have to rest a little more” Tony said.

“I’m sure it’ll pass” Loki said. “Like we keep saying; you’ll get there”

“I know. I’ve got you two to help me anyway, right?”

“Exactly” Tony said. “You’ve got us. We’ll do it together”

“We’ll do it all as a family” Loki said. “The way we always do”

*

*

*

[smallblueandloud]

TV Show Meme

pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. don’t cheat. tag 10 (or however many) peeps.

i was tagged by @everythinghappens-love just now and @asthewheelwills several weeks ago (i’m very sorry, it’s been... busy).

(also, i was going to do emmys edition, but i’ve seen at least one full episode of a grand total of... two emmy-nominated shows, so uh. not gonna happen, lol.)

1. Doctor Who

2. Agents of SHIELD

3. The West Wing

4. Frasier

5. The Good Place

1. Who is your favorite character in 2?

oof. i mean, i’ll pretend this is a hard question, but daisy. hands down. i mean, not only is she gorgeous, she’s really unconventionally smart, super powerful, and full of longing to have a family.

(also, she’s ridiculously easy to write)

2. Who is your least favorite character in 1?

um. i mean, if we’re talking about davies!who, i don’t really... have a least favorite character? i love them all a lot, and they’re all super nuanced and it’s just... really wonderful

if we’re talking all of nuwho, either missy or river song. nothing against them personally, their writing was just. really horrible.

3. What is your favorite episode of 4?

the inkeepers. it’s hands down the funniest episode in the whole show.

i hunted for a gif of any moment and couldn’t find one, so i’ll leave you with a quote:

Frasier: All right, stop it! Get a grip. You're not being asked to do anything that none of us hasn't done before in our own kitchens in our own homes! Now quick, Niles, kill five eels!

Niles: Wait, wait! What?

Frasier: I'm serious! Every restaurant critic in Seattle is out there and they all want anguille, so start killing eels!

Niles: Wait, wait. How do you suggest I do that?

Frasier: How do I know? You're the chef. Throw a toaster in the damn tank for all I care!

[a few minutes later]

Frasier: Not to worry, Gil, the eels are on their way.

Gil: Our mouths are watering, Frasier.

Frasier: Our chef is in the process of...  

The lights flicker, a humming sound is heard from the kitchen.

Frasier: ...frying them now.

4. What is your favorite season of 5?

probably season 2. i don’t know why, but the idea of the six of them being a team in the afterlife when there’s no one else to help them is... i don’t know. i really like it, can’t tell you why lol. (oh, and the montage of the different attempts is my favorite scene in any tv show, ever.)

5. Who is your favorite couple in 3?

josh/donna, obviously :D

6. Who is your favorite couple in 2?

i’m gonna cheat and put my favorite ship from aos, which is, as all of y’all know, fitzskimmons.

i have nothing to say except that i love my babies

7. What’s your favorite episode of 1?

turn left! definitely, for sure, always and forever.

god, it’s like someone wrote, combined, and filmed the dhr and donna fics of my dreams.

8. What is your favorite episode of 5?

it’s a tie between 2x10 (best self) and 3x07 (the worst possible use of free will). i turn on the former whenever i’m feeling down/bored/sick, and the latter... look, i’m cheleanor trash, okay? moving on.

(no gifs because i’m starting to feel guilty for the length of this post)

9. What is your favorite season of 2?

s3, because it has the most clips of normal team life (from what i remember, haven’t gotten there in the rewatch i’m doing for the fsk rewrite yet lol). also, the storylines were interesting and they actually put time into developing the friendships, which i’m missing a lot these days.

10. How long have you watched 1?

HA. huh. uh. four-ish years, i think? yeah. it was around the time that i discovered queen, and i would play bohemian rhapsody on repeat as i read fanfic (which means that now, sometimes, i hear a certain queen song and am hit with a very strong, very specific urge to read 10rose fic for the next 72 hours.)

11. How did you become interested in 3?

my mom made me watch it at first, and i was hooked by the first episode. it’s just... so smart, and so fast, and i love it very much.

12. Who is your favorite actor in 4?

is this even a question? david hyde pierce. obviously.

13. Which you prefer, 1, 2 or 5?

wow, you really just... went for my three favorite shows, huh? i guess as a measure of overall quality, the good place. for characters, agents of shield. and for plot, definitely doctor who.

14. Which show have you seen more episodes, 1 or 3?

doctor who! although-

as it turns out, i have watched 100 doctor who episodes, exactly. (go me!) on the other hand, i’ve watched 68 episodes of the west wing. so that answer’ll change pretty soon, lol.

15. If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

frasier? frasier? you want me to become someone from frasier?? uh... okay, uh...

niles, i guess? just because his apartment is... truly magnificent, lol. also he gets to marry daphne

16. Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

surprisingly, yes? i think this is the best combination on the list, actually. frasier knows... uh... i don’t know, sam? he went to school in *googles frantically* new jersey, so that could work?

honestly, i have no idea, but i need toby ‘i am a know-it-all’ zeigler and frasier ‘i am a pompous ass’ crane to be in a room together. it would be hilarious.

17. Pair two characters in 1 who would make unlikely but strangely okay couple.

clara/yaz. i will not be taking questions at this time.

18. Overall, which show has the best storyline, 3 or 5?

oh, oh man. you had to choose the two shows with the most cohesive storylines?

sorry, tww, but i’m gonna have to give it to the good place. the storyline and pacing are *chef’s kiss* divine.

19. Which has a better theme music, 2 or 4?

uh? i don’t even think that’s a choice, since frasier barely has any theme music and anyway, i hate letting frasier crane win at anything (lol). agents of shield!

i’m tagging @paperairplanesopenwindows, @aethersea, @florchis, @skyler10fic, @cassiesinsanity, and *flounders* @nereb-and-dungalef, just based on who i’ve been talking to recently. feel free to ignore this, or, conversely, if i didn’t tag you, feel free to pretend i did!

[minetteenfers]

A Little Red Bug (Trigger warning) also you may hate me now... haha

I’m attempting to start to close up loose ends, in a way. haha I was cryptic in my last post and I guess I can come out and talk about it. I don’t like to talk about it and I don’t like to think about it. I went to therapy to forget it 6 years ago.  We went through a lot 6 years ago. I made a video for youtube about this and then deleted it. I’ve put myself into hiding. I’ve changed my number and my usernames and emails. I’ve gone to great lengths to run from it. 

I got asked how someone can be still upset after 6 years. How someone can still hurt after someone cheated on them 6 years ago. 

This is the first paragraph of A Little Red Bug and THAT is my husband. And our son has no idea this happened.

6 years ago I was manipulated by a bad man. Told how pretty I was and that I was gorgeous the way I was. I started sexting this dangerous guy (his father used to be in a gang and he carried knives and a gun on him in his backpack). He was a big guy. I was too nice. I thought this guy appreciates me when my boyfriend (husband) doesn’t compliment me and talks about my weight. My husband was working 2 jobs at the time too. 

Anyways, so I let his guy make me believe that he cared for me. He told me he was a sociopath, but I chose to see the good in him because it was what I did and do. Eventually, he kissed me and I turned my head to make him kiss my cheek. He grabbed my chin and pulled my face towards him, making me kiss him on the lips. Even when I shook my head no. 

This lead to an interview I had to do for a class and I chose to with him because his dad was in a gang back in the day. This lead to him saying how he’s told his friends I’m a liar and that I would never do anything that I had said via text. 

I didn’t want them to think I was a liar or people thinking bad about me. So, I sat beside him and he reached between my thighs. I was scared and awkward and sick. I then thought as I stared at his backpack full of survival gear and what not that I needed to get it over with. the sooner he got what he wanted? The faster I could be rid of him. 

So I stupidly offered for us to go upstairs. Now, you can assume what went down. It was painful. I let him do what he wanted, even though it hurt because he honestly didn’t care. I then ran to take a shower. I burned my skin and scrubbed it. I got out and put that same damn dress on that i was wearing before it happened so my husband wouldn’t know. 

We got back to the college and he parted from me like I meant nothing. Like it was no big deal. I went to class sick to my stomach and I left the class and begged my husband to basically erase what happened without telling him details. 

I then gave in and said what happened. We got in a big fight and I broke him. He left that night, but left our son with me because he didn’t think I should be alone in my state. I was crying on the floor and apologizing to both of our mothers as he left. 

He then went out and bought a black leather jacket, steel toed boots, and a metal bat to take to college with him for if he ever saw the guy. 

My husband is the kindest and chillest person you will ever… meet. But this broke him to pieces. I was the first girl he ever… loved. Pretty much his first everything… HE LOVED ME. I broke that. 

I had to do several things to fix us. I had to tell the dean of our school. I had to go to therapy. I had to tell everyone what happened. I had to text him when and where I was going. I had to build the trust back up. 

THIS relates to now. He is extremely protective of me. He LOVES everyone… unless you hurt the people he loves. He will stand between me and guys if they are being creepy and too close. He will tell me to stop talking to guys, if he knows they have feelings. He will tell me to stop talking to those that step on me. He will literally stand up for me or let me know when I’m going too far or when I’m not making the best choice. And before anyone says that he sounds abusive or anything like that… He’s not. 

He spoils me more than anyone ever has. Takes care of me when I panic from my anxiety. Holds me when I’m sad. Loves our son to the moon and back. Would die for both of us.  Just the other day he held my hand in the movie theatre because I was panicking. Stressed out when I was having an allergic reaction. Is scared that if I get pregnant again? I will die and he’ll lose me. 

He is deathly afraid of losing me. Of what will happen to me after he’s no longer on his earth. He’s worried, caring, sincere, protective, broken, and loving. He is the best man I have ever known and the most kind soul I have ever met. 

I felt like making this because I know a lot of people are mad at him right now. It’s not his fault. I also know a lot of people have asked about this fanfic I wrote. 

I love….. my husband. So, so much! I am so traumatized of screwing up that I put up massive walls with men and throw down rules. 

See, I didn’t just cheat with that creeper… I also was sexting an ex at the same time. Now, put yourself in my husband’s shoes. The woman that you love and had a child with? Cheats with 2 men. One a real…. creeper. 

Wouldn’t you be worried constantly and have trust issues? He’s trying to forgive, but certain things will remind him of it and he’ll hurt. I’ll see it and apologies are good, but it doesn’t change what I did to him.

So, me writing smut by request being an issue? Or me talking to men and getting close as FRIENDS being an issue? I completely 100% understand. I would be upset too and when it comes down to it….

If I have to choose between the love of my life… and a few friends or smut fics? I’ll pick my broken kitty. Wouldn’t you?  

[thesunnyshow]

EPISODE 4: MILLY

Writing Blog URL(s): @bumblebeenct 

Name: Milly

Age: 18

Nationality: Welsh

Languages: English

Star Sign: Capricorn

MBTI: ISFP-T

What fandom(s) do you write for?

 I write for NCT, but I have written for Harry Potter in the past

When did you post your first piece?

Around the empathy era I’m pretty sure, 2018? I used to do moodboards only but I was inspired by other writers to give it a go

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why?

I find that I stick to the fluff/angst tropes because they’re easier to formulate because I can relate myself to the scenario more. I also find that its also more interesting to write angst because there's complications to a story that take longer to form and you have to really think about the different emotions the characters are feeling.

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc?

I write x reader mostly, but at some point in the future I’m thinking of writing an OC purely because the concept I want to focus on has a particular emphasis on name and I don’t think it would work with y/n

Why did you start writing on Tumblr?

I used to use Wattpad but it was very difficult to promote myself and I struggled to meet anyone through it. On tumblr it was much easier to orientate and the community was so much nicer. 

What inspires you to write?

My mutuals! And other writers on tumblr, everyone is so supportive and kind it’s amazing. Also the feedback I sometimes get from readers, it makes me really happy whenever I get a comment or someone interacts with a piece I enjoyed writing, or alternatively when someone supports a fic I wasn’t confident in as it really boosts my confidence :)

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most?

School/ College aus because they’re very familiar and I am confident in getting the tropes and ideas right. But I also like works inspired by movies or songs because there’s so much to work from and it’s nice to see where you can take the plot and lyrics in your own story.

What do you hope your readers take away from your work?

That writing is for everyone, honestly at the end of the day I’m just a kid in my room writing stories about artists I’m a really big fan of. If you want to write you can, and you don’t have to necessarily be a “big” blog or writer to do it. 

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively?

Take a break, that’s my first port of call - usually in the method of food or I look at the inspiration material again, I listen to the song, read the lyrics, consult my friends and mutuals for help. It’s always good to be able to put something down to start again later when you’re struck with inspiration

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful?

My favourite personally at the moment (since one I really like is currently, as of answering this question, unpublished) is ‘Remember Me’ purely because it was the work I was the most passionate about writing and it really let me explore a new field of writing, since a lot of my stuff had been fluff before. My most successful in terms of notes is my Mark one shot ‘Sugar and Spice’ and I’m very proud of it.

Who is your favorite person to write about?

Park Jisung, my ult bias, I have to convince myself to write for other members sometimes as I often resist the urge to be a Jisung blog. However I have been enjoying writing for Mark and Hendery recently, as my other NCT biases

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose?

To a certain extent yes, it really depends on the writer. For many fanfiction stories, including ones we may label “cliche” the only difference is who it’s about, there are countless amazing fics I’ve read which I would assume could be made into a novel, the only thing making it fanfiction being the characters themselves.

What do you think makes a good story?

Feeling! There’s nothing that really constitutes a “good story” as it’s all subjective, but if you can read a story and feel what the characters feel, or even just see the emotions the writer is trying to portray then it’s definitely a good story. I’ve cried while reading most of, if not all my favourite stories.

What is your writing process like?

I plan first in a little notebook so I don’t forget any of my ideas or plans and then I try to churn it out whenever I have access to my computer, my speaker and a comfortable blanket. I like to “get in the zone” and then write as much as I possibly can. I usually think of ideas as I write so the notebook helps me put them in order and make sure I don’t get too ahead of myself.

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story?

I have thought about it and honestly, I’m not sure. My fics are not series’ and they’re all very short - most of them under 4k so I’d have to turn the idea into a full length thing you know? But I have thought about doing the opposite with a very old original story of mine I’ve otherwise given up on but still holds a special place in my heart.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand?

I am a sucker for the enemies to lovers trope mainly because the character development in these stories can be so much more interesting and complex. On the other hand I’m not fond of “yandere” type fics, however I have read several well written ones which I cannot speak against because they were actually really good.

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you?

I’d say a lot, in terms of how much I write feedback means a lot to me - it’s also nice to hear what people think of things you’ve written because it’s a different view from your own and sometimes can boost confidence. I am also open to constructive criticism if any writers have any tips or suggestions for future works I’m always open to listen. 

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)?

When I see anyone interacting with my work it’s really rewarding and I love when people reblog with custom tags because it lets me know that people actually like what I do and to me, that’s a success.

Favorite color: Purple

Favorite food: Pasta

Favorite movie: Heathers (1988)

Favorite ice cream flavor: Cookie Dough

Favorite animal:  I would say bees, but I don’t think that counts so I’ll say dogs

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering?

Coffee, either black or a really fancy one with frothy milk

Dream job (whether you have a job or not)

 I’d love to be a singer honestly, but at the moment I’m working towards education I hope one day to be a lecturer

Go-to karaoke song

 Best Part by Daniel Caesar or Escape (the pina colada song) by Robert Holmes because it’s funny

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose?

 Stopping time because there’s so much you can do - except the question is, would I continue to age even if time has stopped?

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose?

My mind goes to two extremes, I think either ancient Greece because why not and the 1950’s purely for fashion and music.

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?

No, but I think if I could restart specific moments I would. There are so many good moments but some things you don’t want to relive even if you can change the outcome.

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken?

100 chicken sized horses, I’d be terrified of a horse sized chicken it would probably be able to eat me and I’m not about that life, tiny horses I can deal with. Kill them with Kindness or whatever haha.

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been?

A mix of quiet teachers pet and loud side character friend. The duality kills me, I can be shouting with my friends one minute but whispering the minute the teacher asks me a question.

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures?

I’d like to, I think some are really cool and it would be amazing to live among them, but also some are dangerous, but I would love to see or meet some creatures. Imagine living with dragons man that would be epic.

What are some of your favorite hobbies and how did you get into them?

I really like reading, courtesy of Harry Potter, but I also enjoy singing and playing the piano which I started doing more often in secondary school when my piano teacher suggested I started to sing as well :)

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know?

I did Karate for about 10/11 years, and I’m a black belt *insert awkward smile here*

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged?

A lot of the time yes, there is a stigma around fanfiction and often paints us in a negative light but we just happen to be a community of creative fans who want to share and support the people we write about. But I can see where the stigma comes from, sometimes it can be taken a bit far and I am aware that some things make the artists themselves uncomfortable. I think if people who judge fanfiction are referring to it as a single idea it becomes unfair because it is all different, but I also think that writers of fanfiction themselves have to make sure they don’t cross any boundaries when writing that could make readers or the artist (if they ever happened to stumble across your work) uncomfortable.

Do you think art can be a medium for change?

Yes in some ways of course. Art is not only a way to express what the creator themselves is feeling but it is also a way to teach others about issues, prejudices and ideals. For literature specifically it allows you into the shoes of another person you may not have understood before, in art pieces there’s a clear message and encourages people to educate themselves on certain issues which in turn makes room for change.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself?

Sometimes if i’ve been suggested or requested to write something because it isn’t an idea that comes for me but mainly if I am aware that someone is waiting for a fic or someone has said they’re anticipating it I feel like I’m writing for others, but I don’t particularly mind it because it almost encourages me to write to a better standard.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times?

Not particularly, I'm often as clear as I can be when portraying meaning, or I will straight up say it in a different thread or to different people because I can’t keep secrets and I’m a sucker for a spoiler. Although I am constantly worried about the way I come off in messages and things like that - I am a terrible overthinker.

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr?

A few of my closest friends and other kpop stans I am friends with irl are aware of my blog and support me as much as they can with what little information I give them. I think only one of my irls has my url because she reads and I send her my binge reviews when I do them.

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers?

Thank you so much, honestly it’s cheesy but without them I don’t know where my blog would be. The amount of them surprises me everyday and I don’t think I believe it half the time. Also if anyone ever needs help or support or just wants a chat I’m open, its 100% likely that if you interact with me or my posts on the regular then I will recognise you when you come say hi, I’m not that scary I promise.

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there?

Just do it! It’s better to get your stuff out there and circulating to get a better idea of what people like and where your strong suit is, the more you put out the more you grow. But if you’re scared, talk to other creators, we’re always open to help and we can let you know what to do, it was something that helped me out :)

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr?

When I first started there was a lot of struggle with me trying to figure out my style and what I wanted to do, and it was a learning curve of what can I do, what should I avoid and who am I doing this for. Sometimes when I’m really down I will question why I do it, but I never regret it because it has allowed me to make some wonderful friends and be exposed to some amazing creations and get more into something I’ve always liked doing, writing.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey?

I don’t want this to be too long, but I feel like it could be. I’ve met so many wonderful people and I love all of them so much, but in terms of being formative and supportive these are some of the people I talk to the most. @renjunwrites - I am a huge fan of Denise and to even be able to be in conversation with her about the stuff she writes is mindblowing to me, @nanasarea - nana was one of the first people I spoke to (before I joined discord) and was really accepting of my antics from day one. @glossyjaems - me and Louna have become very close recently and I can’t wait for our project to launch, keep an eye out for that. @mjlkau Anie is really one of the biggest supporters I have, always willing to read what I send her and give me support and love. There’s so many more people I’d love to mention but this would go on forever, to anyone ever involved in my writing process I’m thinking of you as I write this and I love you all (I feel really bad not talking about every single one omg).

Ending thoughts:

“We’ll be alright, I want to try again” - Try Again d.ear (ft. Jaehyun) because this is something I hold close, ‘try again, we’ll all be alright in the end’

BONUS: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

Interested in your very own episode of The Sunny Show? Find out how to apply here.

[so-shiny-so-chrome]

Witness: KirkyPet

Creator name (AO3): KirkyPet 

Creator name (Tumblr): kirkypet 

Link to creator works: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KirkyPet/works

Q: Why the Mad Max Fandom?

A: I was actually quite fixated on Fury Road after watching it on DVD. I didn’t expect to particularly like it - I’d never seen the previous Mad Max movies (I finally have!) - but I was transfixed. And I didn’t particularly ship Furiosa and Max until the haemothorax/transfusion scene (although then I very much did). There were just so many layers of detail and backstory there waiting to be explored, because so little was actually said or explained. It’s like a neutron star of fic-fodder. And I didn’t discover ao3 til summer 2016 so I spent a full year wandering around like a lost soul. So, yeah. Quite a huge deal for me really.

Q: What do you think are some defining aspects of your work? Do you have a style? Recurrent themes?

A: Music. Minor characters looking on and commenting on the protagonists (big fan of Thomas Hardy’s more comedic efforts, where this happens a lot). Reasonably happy endings.

Q: Which of your works was the most fun to create? The most difficult? Which is your most popular? Most successful? Your favourite overall?

A: Maybe the small town modern AU (Ordinary People), because it was a nice change from the Wasteland setting. I’m not very Wasteland-minded at all. But the Bladerunner AU (Do Androids Dream etc) and the new Firefly AU are lots of fun because the two sets of movie worlds mesh together way better than I’d expected. 

The most difficult? - My Wasteland headcanon stuff. It’s too fluffy and not remotely violent which doesn’t really ring true. I’m very aware that my Furiosa is hardly ever violent, or my Max particularly mad. But that’s the great thing about fanfiction - the infinite versions of characters and scenarios. Surprisingly the Blues Brothers AU is quite tricky. I can’t quite make Jake Blues and Furiosa the same person. But it’s an excuse to listen to great tunes. And Jessie will make a comeback in that one though (she’s not dead, I should make that clear). 

On the old kudos-to-hits ratio, the Firefly AU is taking off surprisingly well, but it’s quite smut-focused so that might well account for it ;) early days yet. Bladerunner AU is doing well for a multi-chapter. Up Around The Bend (an oldie, the escape from the Citadel) is hanging in there. 

Most successful? I’m happy enough with all of them, except maybe I Kissed A Girl. Please don’t read that. Favourite overall - It’s a toss-up between Ordinary People (a chance to explore my headcanon in a modern small town setting) and the Bladerunner AU (it makes me weep). 

Q: How do you like your wasteland? Gritty? Hopeful? Campy? Soft? Why?

A: Hopeful and silly and everyone has access to a record player somehow. This is why I stick to writing AUs these days. But I’ll happily read all of the above!!! And entirely intend to!

Q: Walk us through your creative process from idea to finished product. What's your prefered environment for creating? How do you get through rough patches?

A: Watch a film, browse tumblr, listen to music, get an idea. Have a good think about it, think about it some more, find a starting point, write it down, go from there. Maybe stick a draft on tumblr if I’m not sure if it’s going to fly. Write it anyway. 

For OCs, figure out what someone looks like. That’s weirdly essential for me. Zal (Furiosa’s Dad) is Ed Harris, Young Val (Furiosa and Max’s grownup daughter) is Alicia Vikander and Toots (rescued-kid-turned-Wasteland-son-in-law) is Didier Drogba (bit of a blast from the past but hey). I was getting nowhere with Blues Mothers Jessie until I recast her as Sofia Boutella (because if Max is getting a generational update, she needs one too). And Firefly AU’s Mister Jobassa is Jakob Oftebro. All very pretty people, but what are you gonna do? But they’re only these people in MY head - they can be whoever the reader wants them to be. Oh, and Pin from Ordinary People was 100% an actual real tour guide I met on holiday once. 

Preferred environment? Usually while half asleep in bed, or walking, or In the gym, or watching tv - world building seems to be something that happens away from the keyboard. Writing itself is exclusively on my phone so can and does happen anywhere at all. Rough patches are usually caused by guilt that I’m not spending enough time on the day job :P

Q: What (if any) music do you listen to for help getting those creative juices flowing?

A: I listen to music all the time anyway, mainly upbeat pre-90s tunes. Disco, funk, ska, motown, anything like that. And it always find its way into the writing. Sometimes artificially (where I’m on a song-lyrics-as-title theme - it took ages for some of the Wasteland fics) but most times it can help shape the story in a BIG way. I can’t listen to certain songs now without reliving a chapter or a whole fic - Dionne Warwick’s Do You Know The Way To San José is Bladerunner!Furiosa’s Green Place song, and Ash’s Angel Interceptor is StarTrek!Max’s flying music - it’s noisy enough but also speaks to me about a longing to not be alone in the universe. Concrete and Clay is smalltown!Max’s bittersweet lament for Jessie and Twistin’ The Night Away is the final party scene in Cheedo’s update of The Rivals. Some fics wouldn’t have been written at all if it wasn’t for a particular song. The Black Keys’ Heavy Soul was my original Wasteland Furiosa/Max ship theme back in 2015, before I’d even heard of ao3 - that’s the closest I’ve come to a song fic. Caleb was only Caleb because of a line in Symarip’s Skinhead Moonstomp, and I was so desperate to write a fic with Leo Sayer’s You Make Me Feel Like Dancing In it that it was the final excuse for a whole modern mirrorverse to my Wasteland headcanon series. Bet you’re sorry you asked now. But I’ll have to go and put together a Kirkyverse OST list.

Q: What is your biggest challenge as a creator?

A: To put the damn thing down and walk away. To not assume it’s awful if I don’t get a kudos in the first thirty hits. Thumb cramp from phone-typing.

Q: How have you grown as a creator through your participation in the Mad Max Fandom? How has your work changed? Have you learned anything about yourself?

A: I didn’t write at all before the Mad Max fandom. Apart from a ghost story when I was about seven (it did win a prize tbh) and a truly god awful Stephen King rip-off when I was fourteen (which makes me nauseous from embarrassment when I think of it). So a fair bit, it’d probably be fair to say. It would be impossible not to, you know, from zero :) My work has changed from spinoffs of inspirational fics (thanks Squid!) to ‘well, I suppose I’ve got a head canon, let’s see if I can make this work’ to ‘goddammit I’ll finish this if it kills me’. Then I missed my exit on the Roundabout of Fic Endings and had to go round again in a modern AU mirror verse. Now it’s all movie mashups, which is lots of fun and probably never-ending. During which time I have learned that crossovers are my favourite to write. And that writing fanfic is probably not a temporary fad :)

Q: Which character do you relate to the most, and how does that affect your approach to that character? Is someone else your favourite to portray? How has your understanding of these characters grown through portraying them?

A: I don’t really have a favourite tbh. They’re all their own people and do their own thing. Writing them is very dependent on their environment, and it’s often surprising how they behave and where they end up. It feels a bit like they’re on Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Q: Do you ever self-insert, even accidentally?

A: Hah yes. The first one was Zephyr the annoying visitor in Witches and Ogres. Young Val’s social awkwardness in As was very much on loan from me. 

Q: Do you have any favourite relationships to portray? What interests you about them?Furiosa and Max are pretty much always there - sometimes it’s probably platonic, and sometimes there’s a third person involved (nothing posted yet but but but). It depends on the fic.

Q: Do you prefer to create in one defined chronology or do your works stand alone? Why or why not?

A: One big long chronology for the headcanon series (childhood to old age), then a whole bunch of little universes for everything else.

Q: To break or not to break canon? Why?

A: Not to break, as much as I can. But it depends.

Q: Share some headcanons.

A: Furiosa was never actually a wife - she was captured but dodged the whole Vault experience. Max is the original Max, of Jessie and Sprog fame. Toecutter was Joe’s younger self - he scooted around on motorbikes and raised hell before deciding to settle down and take the Citadel. AU Toast and Dag are twins (from a shady mob family). Furiosa’s Dad is a friendly Wasteland bandit. 

Q: If you work with OCs walk us through your process for creating them. Who are some of your favourites?

A: They’re supplementary characters who make the plots fit together, and sources of conflict or humour (usually both). I think I like Ordinary People’s Alexa and Mallory best. Although the Irish War Boy crew in Beyond the Pale were fun to write. Ace’s trio of love interests (Brick, Big Dave and Caleb/Pin) are a consistent theme. Sometimes I steal characters from other sources (stand up Christopher Brookmyre) when it’s convenient.

Q: What sparks your many wonderful AUs?

A: Movies, tv, gifs, tumblr prompts and general chitchat (thankyou btw!!!)

Q: A lot of your fics are light-hearted and hopeful, which is great to see for the apocalyptic Mad Max world. Your thoughts on that? What is it about the characters that inspires you to reframe them?

A: I just really like comedy and am committed to winkling it into every fictional scenario whether it’s appropriate or not. Glad people don’t hate it!

Q: Who are some works by other creators inside and outside of the fandom that have influenced your work?

A: Well, it was Squid’s ( @sacrificethemtothesquid )Length and Breadth of Fury Road that got me out of the starting blocks! Christopher Brookmyre’s The Sacred Art of Stealing was a big influence on my headcanon series, as was a particular Coronation Street storyline from some years back :) 

Q: Tell us about a current WIP or planned project.

A: Blues Brothers AU series (Sweet Home Chicago) -Wasteland Star Trek First Contact AU (Angel Interceptor) -Firefly AU (Our Mister Jobassa) -His Dark Materials AU (unnamed as yet, just brewing in my head, hope it just stays there for the meantime) -Will combine all the headcanon works into one long fic sometime. That’s everything from Witches and Ogres through to Ordinary People. Probably be called ‘All the Things that I’ve Done’ (basically the two lives of Furiosa: Wasteland and mirrorverse).

Thank you @kirkypet