#if you believe you can be better do it

[hansoeii]

stede bunnet

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[sophies-junkyard]

Change is incremental, but something CHANGED today. You weren’t sure about voting for Biden? You don’t have to anymore! And now is the time to RALLY. The world is fucked up, but letting Trump win will not lead to the political revolution we’re waiting for. Wake up.

Im gonna vote for Kamala Harris in November because I don’t want a wannabe dictator running our country. Simple as that.

[thevalleyoftriumph]

love this guy. the corndog ☝

absolutely HILARIOUS to me how they just dont gaf. not a single care in the world.

[also i got curious over the name of their actual color, since ive seen the name maroon thrown around, but that didnt seem too accurate to me... turns out, their color is sienna! so thats what ill be calling them, personally :3]

[shorthaltsjester]

the mighty nein - critical role

this is a place where i don't feel alone. this is a place where i feel at home.

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

[mercurymacaroons]

arrives 15 min late with a latte

......sup

[deoidesign]

It's my right to tell myself I can do just a little animation just for fun just for really quick to do some action and then spend 3 days straight on it

[bruciemilf]

One of my biggest pet peeves is the justice league being labelled as " The Avengers of DC" and its like. No? The avengers are law enforcement. The Justice League are volunteers

[scarletfasinera]

Literally. Be vigilant I love you. Something beautiful is going to happen. True love is possible only in the next world—for new people. Tomorrow is just a whisper away. We refuse to accept that the world has to remain like this. It's the world and you're made of it, you can't be unmade now. This is somewhere to be, this is all you have but it's still something. Things can't go on like this forever; something will give, it always does. Comrades, the forsaken, the wretched, who tried to rise against the horrors of the world. She would die to return to it. One day I will return to your side. They're beautiful and true—and they will win. The future can be better than the past, if we're willing to work and fight and die for it. In dark times, should the stars also go out? I exist. I exist too.

[spirkbitch]

[ithinkdogshouldvote]

Rouge-like tendencies, courtesy of grandpa

[snekdood]

so uh

for 1. most people are gonna take advantage of black friday and wont see your specific niche tumblr post, I hate to say it

2. the us isnt running out of money for war any time soon, so...

3. this is just antisemitism???????? all we need is some (((echoes))) around the us and israel and then I'd have no reason to suspect otherwise from op...............

[lelianasbong]

Rocking back and forth thinking about Wyll's response to Ascended vs. Spawn Astarion returning to Baldur's Gate......

Astarion: (Ascended) I know these cobbles well. The gate to the Upper City's just ahead. I found plenty of victims on the other side of that gate. Who knew they'd all come in so useful?

Wyll: (pissed) Gods, how many did you kill? Dozens? Hundreds??!

Alternatively,

Astarion: (Spawn) All that time and what's my legacy in Baldur's Gate..? Missing friends and broken families.

Wyll: (gently) You can't undo the past, Astarion. But you can craft a better future, if you so choose.

[piratewinzer]

Me when the pirate romcom has classic romcom moments: CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY DID THAT?? DID YOU SEE IT??? WHAT IS HAPPENING I CANNOT BELIE-

[imperfectmind]

sorry if this makes me an evil bigot but people arent entitled to mindlessly follow your beliefs or tolerate bad behaviour/attitudes just because you have more oppressed lables than them.

People should be able to lable idiocy and cruelty when they they see it and being a minority doesnt make it so you cant use your hardships to be manipulative, spout vile horrible things or say things that are simply not true

Its honestly why sj tumblr is such a toxic mess. Its ran by crybullies who despise honest communication and constructive community building. Its just 'im automatically right when i tell someone ~less oppressed~ than me anything and they cant question me. If they do theyre speaking over me and oppressing me by disagreeing"

'Listen to x voices' should mean not automatically disregarding a female, gay, black, asian etc persons views, and not that people should grovel and defer to others because they said so.