#im feminist women

[mikasasrippedtoenail]

Calling Lesbians' attraction to vaginas a mere genital "preference" erases the sheer violence behind corrective rape of millions of sapphic women. I do not just "dislike" dick, I am physically incapable of being attracted to it. My allure to the female genitilia is not a choice, it's my biological reality. Dismissal of same-sex attraction as a choice reinforces the homophobic ideology that attractions can be altered and also paves the way for discrimination. One cannot opt out of their sexuality, they are always born with it.

[inkskinned]

there's this video you've probably seen already where a woman is shaking in front of a microphone and delicately tries to ask - how can i make my husband listen to me, i've tried everything, i don't want to seem ungrateful and the other man laughs - the problem is that you married a man, we're only listening 25% of the time and we only understand 5% of that! and the audience laughs and the woman laughs and you just sat there, phone in your hand, letting the sound of it echo

and the thing is that people make think-pieces about it (isn't this one of them) and satire versions and "flipping the script" which is good and fun but at the end of the day, there's some truth in that man's response about men-not-listening. and you have tried to language that feeling for years, this sense that you can only take up 33% of a conversation before others view it as being "dominating".

it's not that they aren't listening, it's that the action they're taking is purposefully silencing. it's different. you accidentally-don't-listen a lot; just because the world is loud and you're distracted. you don't mean anything by it. and the truth is that the man who spoke is relying on that to be true of you; the way it's true of everyone. but there is a different undertone to his kind of not-listening. what he means is they don't respect you and you shouldn't expect them to. there is a difference between oh shit i forgot to take the trash out and why didn't you remind me to do it, just like there is a difference between i didn't realize you wanted to go out this weekend and why do you expect me to plan things why can't you just tell me where we're going.

and the thing is that it isn't just him, and it's actually not just because of your gender - your skin, your class status, your weight, their ableism - it happens often. so often it feels like a tightness around your throat and a weight in your stomach. you're not even "really" allowed to be upset about it, because to them it's a joke. and they laugh. and you know exactly the amount of work that goes into every conversation. how you have to work to condense down your thoughts into intelligent, crisp soundbites; worried someone will try to swoop in and cut you off. and there's this sense from everyone else - oh stop being so sensitive, are you really upset just because they weren't listening and you don't know how to say the way that feels when it happens constantly.

there's that video of the science summit where a woman in the audience finally says let her speak please! and the whole crowd bursts into applause and the man leading the summit holds up his hands and bows his head and says oops, sorry! like what he did was awkward and embarrassing, a little social gaffe that happens easily. later in your meetings, you're asked to take notes, and you don't say anything, you just hear let her speak please! ringing in your head and know that you'll never be brave enough for that kind of thing. and besides. think of all the people who agree this was a one-off, he just got excited and all of the people who say one man is not indicative of all of society

at the dinner table you're talking about someone you don't like and how he's not good to his girlfriend and how she always has to remind him to put the effort in and before him, she was glowing with curiosity and passion but now she just seems... tired, unhappy. that he likes the way she burns out; she stays home and takes care of him and their 2 kids. and your father sniffs and says that men take a while to learn those kinds of things. and you just stare at him and think about your childhood and are like - no wonder i turned out like this

and you want to say - there's no fucking secret school or mystic form of communication. i was not sent to Rearing a Child University. i did not graduate from Getting Chores Done College. i ask questions and i listen and i pay attention, because that's basic fucking human decency. it stems from respect, and how i respect others and their agency. i clean the house because someone should clean. not because it comes "naturally".

hell, you had to google "how to boil an egg" the other day, just because you usually make them scrambled. you can never remember which of the 2 bathroom cleaners make chlorine gas, only that two of them definitely do. you've accidentally bleached your clothes. it took you like 3 years of self-teaching before you figured out how to actually cook things correctly - for that whole time, you burnt or undercooked everything. but you did teach yourself; just like you taught yourself how to listen with empathy. just like how you taught yourself to think before you speak. to be kind first, to be better at communicating. it seemed like a good thing, an adult thing.

the joke the man in the video makes is that women say i'm fine! when they are not fine. and you think about the 150 conversations that happened around that; about how she probably has had so many arguments with her husband. how she said i'm upset you don't take me anywhere and he got mad at her because of course i do, you made me go to that stupid restaurant like last week and she probably said that's not what i'm saying and he said now i'm supposed to be psychic or something and she said no of course not and he said how am i supposed to know what to do when you don't even like everything and she said i do like things and he said well how am i supposed to win? and her pastor probably told her to be more grateful because they do things at all, even if she has to plan them and her mom probably told her that's just how men are honey and she probably cried over her journal, trying to figure out why the fuck she "has everything" and is still so bitterly, horribly unhappy

and how, in your life, for so many reasons, you looked down the barrel of another argument; of explaining yourself and being vulnerable and begging for help again. how many times you just said i'm fine because it was better than doing that again; it was better than wringing yourself out when it's literally easier to just pretend. because he wasn't going to listen. your father wasn't going to be better and your boyfriend wasn't going to be better and your boss wasn't going to be more respectful.

and you sit in front of a video of a woman shaking, looking horrible and guilt-wrought that she's even asking this question. and you know; deep in your heart - that's you. in a different life, you are her. you've stood in her spot. and you had to listen while someone else cackled - why would we bother to notice when you talk?

[bioethicists]

black women have been grappling for decades with the fact that they organize with + live alongside + love men who are both given only conditional access to male privilege AND wield violent, structural power over them. they have generated libraries worth of compassionate theory which engages with the destructive impact of misogyny on men, the way in which being seen as a Real Man is conditional for marginalized ppl, the dangers of separatism + the importance of leaving nobody behind. these are not new ideas + they are absolutely necessary ideas for moving towards total liberation.

however, most foundational black feminist/intersectional feminist (in the tradition of angela davis) theorists have discussed these concepts without: minimizing or erasing the concept of misogyny, falling back on lesbophobic stereotypes (ugly man hating dykes!), repeating antifeminist propaganda (not all men!), abandoning a focus on structural power + material impact, engaging in bad faith identity politics which silo identities (tokenizing some while ignoring others, constructing weird hierarchies of which oppressions 'cancel each other out'), or individualizing oppression/identity/power (things which happen TO us + AROUND us, not within us).

respectfully, these theories of feminism which include + acknowledge men's pain are already happening- there's a reason those aren't the theories/practices you're exposed to. these theories often do lack trans voices, but you aren't adding our voices to these stories. you are creating a new theory of oppression built on a foundation + critique of white neoliberal feminism + based largely on anecdotal experiences in predominately white communities. you are replicating all of the flaws of white feminism.

[koxiia]

the tumblr feds pay more attention to me than my own mother (´,,•ω•,,)

[ominouspositivity-or-else]

one thing that will perpetually piss me off is how misogynistic reproductive healthcare is. like okay, let's see who the problem is, is it the woman, who can only get pregnant once every nine months or so, or is it the man, who can get nearly 10 women pregnant in a day. hmm. i wonder whose hormones we should mess with and manipulate. i wonder who the responsibility of taking birth control should be on. i don't think it's the woman.

but no, birth control is for women and women alone because the healthcare system would never fuck around with men's hormones. no, men are too special. we can't make them a miracle pill. only women get their every concern about their reproductive functions foisted off onto birth control because hey, maybe that'll solve your acne or your cramping or your endometriosis. maybe messing with your hormones won't do anything. i think you're missing the point, woman, you are the one who needs to make sure you take a pill that messes with your hormones because the healthcare system decided that it's the only thing they know how to do for you.

no. we're not going to change. not for you, woman. your body matters less. your hormones can be messed with.

oh, we just couldn't make hormonal birth control for men. we're not even going to try. God forbid men's reproductive health gets messed with. who knows if the earth could ever recover.

[uter-us]

radfem question!!

i'm having a conversation with someone about female only spaces (this specifically pertains to bathrooms) and they said that the rule of having female-only bathrooms would "act more like an enforcement of femininity more than anything else."

I think their point is about butch lesbians and/or women who present "masculinely," and so because there is ofc no female identification at the door, and policy would likely just make it more acceptable for women and girls to report if there was a male in the bathroom (without having to determine if the male identifies as a woman), this could end up hurting "masculine"-presenting women (implying that they could be mistaken as male), and in turn just reinforce femininity. Thoughts? (mine are in tags)

[bbqhooligan]

i am glad drake is being called out and i’m glad kendrick is doing exactly that but i can’t help but notice that men are only quick to label other men they hate as predators and not their very own friends.

its a valid way to feel but when trying to analyze peoples actions possible political results i find its better off to try to lock away ones own feelings about the entire system. its unfair.

like ive seen many people upset along the lines of "so kendricks just coming out with these serious allegations just cuz theyre beefing. men only care about womens violence to dunk on other men" and while thats a valid way to feel about the culture, about the general, the majority, about men, cuz we literally see this happen around us, etc etc we literally cant apply it to individuals baselessly.

i have 0 idea what the circumstances were and what kendrick was thinking through this whole thing, WHAT I DO KNOW is that its literally historic someone with this kind of platform is so ruthlessly coming after someone else from the industry with very clearly stated accusations. its so ugly but in Hollywood, you have actors and directors revealed as sex offenders or in lawsuits of sexual violence OR EVEN COMPLETELY OFF THE GRID unacceptable behavior and no one breathes out a word on it. its tradition directors take advantage of women to give them roles. tradtion to write naked scenes for women they want naked. but everyones tail is caught in everyones mouth, so people whose brands are wholesome or "progressive" stay silent to stay employed. its all very hushed.

ive never seen a man this popular and widely respected openly call another man a misogynist. like i said before, its not that Kendrick Lamar is some Feminist Scholar King, its that the action, the angle is surprisingly pro-woman. in times feminist sentiment gets so much backlash and is so unpopular with general audiences i was pleasantly surprised by the way he spoke of women. thats it.

[dyketubbo]

not to be a woman womaning all over the place but i feel like if you genuinely like. do not have friends that are women then you have something to work on. if you cant think of any female characters that you treat the same way you do male characters then you have something to work on. if you cant handle even seeing "i dont like being called a guy/bro/lad/etc because it doesnt feel gender neutral to me" but can understand when one of your masc besties is uncomfortable with being called girlie or sister then you have something to work on. if your default in regards to how you handle other people and even characters is to assume masculinity then you have something to work on. if you cant even let women and otherwise feminine people speak about our experiences without bringing up how you suffer too then you have something to work on.

it doesnt matter if youre queer or a poc or a minority in whatever which way, if you do not include women in your life and cant even stand a fucking inch of genuine feminism (and i dont mean terfs but god is it fucking agonizing that thats all you people can think of when you hear feminism anymore) where the point is to treat women, all women, equally then you have something to work on. listen to women, even the ones whose experiences completely dont align with yours (hell ESPECIALLY the ones whose experiences completely dont align with yours). just like how we all have to check ourselves for racism, ableism, queerphobia, we all have to check ourselves for misogyny too. stop acting like it got solved at some point. it still exists and it exists within you and you have to actually fucking work on that. "women should be included in your life and you should listen to them" shouldnt be a hard goddamn pill to swallow.

[starryzzz]

i just did my sociology presentation over gender which involved feminism and toxic masculinity and i am so upset with the way my class reacted 😟😟...... let's just say i officially hate all the men in my class and they are probably some of the most ignorant group of people i have encountered in a school setting 😊😊. but seriously omg i don't think they could have been more sexist and misogynistic... it was so gross to listen to :(

[ariature]

I FUCKIN MADE ANOTHER

Sweet cis-teen is such a banger and the final verse is so powerful

[anarchocasism]

everytime i hear someone talk about how makeup or getting plastic surgery or botox is empowering and feminist i want to scream. that doesnt mean it makes someone bad or not a feminist to do those things but i do not believe that it is feminist or empowering to work to achieve beauty standards. i also do some stuff to feel better about my appearance and to fit into the beauty standard but when i do that its not a feminist or empowering action. like those companies actively work to exploit women’s insecurities and tell them that they are ugly and that makes them worse in some way and they should pay money to change that. “but women do it to feel better about themselves and its empowering to do something that makes you feel good about your appearance” the whole problem is how we’re made to feel that appearance is the most important thing!!! they made us feel like we have to be fuckable and that we have to spend money to be fuckable!!!!! we’re supporting the industries that hurt us when we do it!!!! theres a reason men dont wear makeup or get plastic surgery as much. AND theres a reason that anti-aging stuff isnt marketed at men.

[robotpussy]

Malcolm in the Middle - S6xEP10 #feminism

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

The number of people that completely villianize female characters is just another example of fandoms infantilizing male main characters. I understand protecting your favourites, but when you get to the point that you genuinely think they've never done anything wrong, you've put blinders on. It's almost always done towards female characters that the fandom feels have wronged male characters specifically. I get making jokes like, "Oh actually, my fav has never done anything wrong ever." I do it too. It can be funny. Nobody is saying you have to like a female character or you're a misogynist, but there is just such a clear, obvious pattern happening, and I don't think people even realize it. Male main characters will make the most toxic, horrible, stupid decisions, and the fandom with worship them, but the second a female character does something even remotely questionable, everybody goes off. It doesn't matter how kind or likable the woman is, the minute she does something the fandom sees as a slight against the male main character, she is shunned or ridiculed. I understand defending your favourite character because you love them, I really do, but the level that people infantilize them is just wild. A female character will have a perfectly understandable reaction to something the male main character did, and the fandom will still turn it around on her by saying things like, "Well he didn't know any better." Or, "Well, he was sad." Alright? Most humans, when they are hurt, do not turn around and kiss that person and coddle them. Getting upset, while it may not be the ideal reaction, is the most realistic one. And it's always grown ass men people are saying didn't know better than to do something obviously destructive. So they don't know better, and that's okay, but the female character struggles, and that's not? Obviously, I'm just talking about fiction, and doing this doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't mean you hate women. But it's just a clear pattern of misogyny in media that I think is important to recognize

[guiltguilding]

eastern european women be like 'ew feminism is for ugly losers ofc i'm not a feminist' and then proceed to get two university degrees and start a business and call all men jerks

[radicallyhonestfeedback]

this point has probably been made before but I find it so funny, sad and exhausting that there are leftists who will gladly proclaim to be anti capitalist and talk about how exploitative labour is under capitalism while being "pro sex work" and viewing it as ✨empowering✨

what's more pro capitalist and exploitative than someone selling themselves as if their body was a product? treating something intimate that people share like it's a service you can buy

[iamnmbr3]

Doesn’t Molly Weasley also was similarly like this to Fleur? Assuming that Fleur likes her son only for looks? So later when her son’s face got scarred and she was horrified, Fleur comments something like “it’s ok. I’m beautiful for both of us.”

Fleur was so based for that moment. She put up with so much. Literally just because she was attractive people made so many assumptions about her. And sorry not sorry but the way she got past her dragon was amazing and deserved more points.