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#im not an emotional or reasonable human being so this was hard on me
honeytonedhottie · 23 days
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starting ur healing journey⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🩹🎀
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healing is so important for us to function and have good quality of life. a lot of the time its easy to brush ur mental and emotional health underneath the rug but its just as important as ur physical health, if not more important. take care of urself…💬🎀
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SHADOW WORK ;
shadow work is a form of journalling that focuses on confronting our "shadows" or parts of us that we dont know well, to help kind of understand ourselves better, why we respond to certain situations the way we do etc. it rly dives into urself and ur shadows.
HOT TIP ; if u search shadow work prompts on pinterest they have some rly rly good prompts, thats where i get all of my prompts. i also have a couple posts that include shadow work prompts…💬🎀
the most common way i see people do shadow work, and the way i do it, is by using shadow work prompts and choosing a few that resonate with me. i'd answer the prompt in depth and talk about it in my journal. shadow work has helped me heal in so many ways and i highly recommend it if ur thinking about starting to do shadow work every now and then.
WHAT DO U STRUGGLE WITH ;
recognizing what triggers you and things that u struggle with help you to identify the underlying source. this is called being more aware of urself, so i challenge u to dig deeper into urself and try and find out what the BIG idea is.
some things to take note of when ur trying to identify the deeper reasons for ur behaviors, feelings etc is to look at…💬🎀
♡ what do i value
♡ what do i have the strongest opinions towards
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♡ what is something that i think of all the time/why do i think that all the time
by also looking at ur biggest fears, ur strongest opinions and ur deeply held values u can kind of understand what u value most and where ur insecurities and fears stem from. something that u can also look to is the things that u regret...
STRUGGLE WITH REGRET ;
first off, understand that u should recognize, reflect and then move on because living in a past moment is stagnant and u can't expect urself to heal if ur doing so. the only thing that u rly can do is heal from it and learn from whatever u regret so much so that then in the future u dont repeat those same things.
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING GENTLE WITH URSELF ;
practice self compassion!! i swear everyone is so kind to literally everyone EXCEPT for themselves. give urself a break and humanize urself. u can do this by allowing urself to make mistakes and forcing urself out of the shame cycle. you are allowed to make mistakes cuz your human!! stop being so hard on urself.
furthermore remembering to be gentle with urself can cultivate a better relationship with self. acknowledge ur feelings and remember that whatever emotions ur feeling are totally normal and valid. doing things like…💬🎀
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♡ journalling and nurturing urself, ur being gentle with urself and to me thats rly important when embarking on ur self healing journey
WAYS TO SHOW URSELF THAT U CARE ;
♡ practicing forms of self care and grooming - ur showing urself the love that u deserve and that ur worth taking care of and putting in effort for
♡ being mindful of ur health through what u eat, how much u sleep etc
♡ walking away from toxic situations, people etc and protecting ur peace in doing so
♡ getting fresh air everyday and moving ur body
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♡ focus on urself and your needs before focusing on the needs of other people. you first.
SEEK AND YOU'LL FIND ;
lately most of my worries and the thing that has been putting the biggest strain on my mental health is things that i dont have the answer to. and by seeking help from some of my moots and my friends and searching on my own for answers that satisfied my curiosity i feel like i can live yk? cuz im constantly in a state of wondering and asking myself things that ik stress myself out and im working on breaking that cycle…💬🎀
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zzencat · 1 month
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Why Am I So Hard On Myself? - Timeless ⏳
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Breathe and choose. Left to right.
Kinda doing this one on a whim but figured it could help anyone who needs to be heard and have their doubts or feelings validated. You’re not alone. Does it say anything else about you?
TO ENHANCE ACCURACY BEFORE CHOOSING: Clear your mind. Time is now patient and still. Close your eyes, inhale deeply, fill your chest up to the fullest, feel the soft air brush up against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out.
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Pile 1 | “no matter how hard i try…”
somehow, something always goes wrong. you always try to salvage what you can, picking up the pieces and trying to make the most of the situation, but maybe the timing is shit, or it isn’t met up to standard. plans ruined, connections gone, opportunities lost. even when all you do is try and try. you might even think “why is this even happening? im only breathing”
small note: while shuffling, it was going pretty nicely then cards started flying out of my hands like fliers on a windy day. it’s a small thing, but to me, it has to do with having constant roadblocks and inconveniences, and that maybe you feel like you’re at your last straw sometimes
you want to be seen for your efforts. at least some acknowledgment that someone knows, sees, and understands that you’re trying. someone to hear you out for once and take you seriously, even if none of what you’d done or contributed has worked before. just acknowledgment would be enough. maybe you’re the only one who recognizes your efforts.
i think you struggle with maintaining career, friendships, or really anything, in general. the foundations laid out might’ve been risky or unstable to begin with so you could question why things don’t last for you. a part of you expects the heartbreak to happen.
it’s crazy bc in this pile, there’s so much…optimism and hope (that might be dying out or feels like it has already) that one day something will work out
your heart isn’t completely closed and you’ll still have it open to accept things, even when you think it shouldn’t. this is what makes you a stronger person. it opens a wide range of doors for you, whether you know it or not. don’t give up.
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Pile 2 | “look out!”
you’re so used to prioritizing others and putting yourself last. bc of this, you could’ve missed out on many things and lost opportunities
you have a big heart and hella good energy — an abundance of it — but for some reason, it’s rarely spent on yourself
you feel like it’s your responsibility, all of it — to run or lead things, as if it’s all in your hands. to take over when things are about to fall apart. who made it your responsibility to carry the burdens of others? what happens then if they don’t reciprocate or return the same generosity?
all of this energy is being redirected to the wrong places when you should be thinking about yourself too. how can you help others when you can’t even help yourself? how about your own dreams and goals? you’re human too, so you need the care and support as well. your energy doesn’t just grow on trees. put yourself high on your own list. make yourself a priority for once. book a spa day and have someone else take over for the day.
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Pile 3 | *whistling*
for this pile, it seems to be more family related, where your pursuits, outlooks, or the way you treat yourself is how you were treated growing up. there’s some connection to pile 2 as well, so there could be some messages in pile 2 for you if it caught your eye
parent(s)/caretakers put a lot of pressure on you with crazy expectations or nitpicking, sometimes maybe even emotional manipulation like guilt tripping
there’s a need to take more charge in your life, especially in the creative and emotional corners of it, and also to create more meaningful and deep connections
some people in this pile might be easily defensive as well too. in this lifetime, you’re gonna learn to put your guard down, bc perhaps you’d grown up feeling trapped and forced into a mold you didn’t belong in
you could struggle with emotional commitment or generally sticking to one thing. there are probably too many things you wanna do or end up trying at least once. relationships might not last too long. there could even be a subconscious fear that you won’t be able to meet someone else’s emotional needs or standards.
you’re very spontaneous and prob get bored easily. also prob struggled academically (ex: having a hard time understand in subjects, sticking to one thing/constantly changing interests or majors, feeling trapped, giving up)
you’re lowkey a perfectionist. perhaps you’re never satisfied bc you grew up with that kind of dissatisfaction on yourself, likely by adults or maybe just things you’d picked up from adolescence
at some point, you might reflect back and feel disappointed in yourself, even if you’d just had the time of your life. it seems like this pile indulges in more superficial activities/substances to fill in the void in that chest
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ending teddy note: hey guys! been a while but here’s a pac for ya!! i think this is a great pac if you don’t have someone to acknowledge the potential issues going on in your life. thank you for taking the time to read this and i really hope you enjoy it! rmr to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. ciao!! :P
i would appreciate the feedback! lemme know what you got or think in the comments or reblogs 🦾
- The Tedster
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dfortrafalgar · 5 months
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Hiii! I'm so happy you are taking requests! I love the way you write, everything feels so real! I'm loving ILY and it's a bittersweet feeling now that it is ending (I'm the anon that commented early on saying that it was so relatable because I also had a miscarriage at 6 weeks). Thank you for that fic 🥰🤗
Now, my requests, if you choose to take it! I would love a jealous/protective Law X fem reader. I was thinking, no established relationship but some flirting going on, perhaps. Could be SFW or NSFW, it's up to you! I would just really loooooove some protective Law! I'm also obsessed with his hands so you can do whatever with that 😂
Did I mention that I love your writting? I did? I'll do it again. Thank you for sharing your gift! ❤️
I'm in annon but you can call me R.J. 😋😎
AAA HELLO R.J im so happy to hear from you again!!!!! no lie ive been thinking about you every day, your first message during my story was so amazingly sweet and touching and i havent been able to stop thinking about it, im so happy that you loved the end of the fic and to hear that you're doing well!!! <333
i ended up projecting a bit in this fic... and it ended up being a bit more Protective Law rather than Jealous Law, but i hope you like it all the same! i also juggled on nsfw, but decided that sfw worked better for this specific plot, so i hope that's alright!!!
thank you so much for requesting!!!! 💗❤️💓💕
Decontaminate the Heart
Law x Fem Reader
Your feelings toward Law had gone from a reasonable level of respect to a deep infatuation that you were readily keeping hidden. An unfortunate encounter with a predatory shopkeep might be what unravels your feelings... and the feelings of your captain.
Warnings: some descriptions of gross behavior from a stranger, light fluff, pre-relationship vibes, protective law but also struggling-to-accept-his-feelings awkward law
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Law wasn’t fond of the word ‘jealous.’  After all, he was a seasoned veteran in the long game of Keeping All Human Emotions Bottled Up Inside So That You Don’t Show Weakness To Those Who Might Be Out To Hurt You.  He had become a pro at it, too.  After all, putting a word to an undefined emotion only validated that feeling, which was exactly the opposite of what Law needed.  Mouth constantly downturned in a pensive frown, steely, cold eyes shutting down all encounters with those he deemed unfamiliar or even the slightest bit threatening, holding even his closest friends at arm’s length on good days.  If he wasn’t the strong-willed, feared captain of the Heart Pirates, a man with a three billion beri bounty on his head, then who was he?
The answer is: a loser.  He was a loser.  Especially after he brought you on board his crew as a boatswain.  That day, he unwillingly began the downward spiral that would transform into his emotional demise.  A psychic catastrophe.  An inner turmoil of the highest degree.
Ikkaku called it infatuation.  Bepo called it love.  The rest of his raunchy, stifled male crew called it being horny.
Whatever it was, it had Law in a steel trap, never letting go.
And on a particularly warm, sunny day, docked cliffside on an island with idyllic spring weather, his steel trap was donned in a flowy sundress that complimented her entire outward appearance in a way he didn’t think was humanly possible.  When she first greeted Law before they departed the Polar Tang, she had bent down slightly, holding her hands together in front of her and pushing her biceps together just enough that her cleavage was on center stage for just a brief moment.  She had giggled at the way Law’s face flushed with a crimson hue.  Unprovoked… but not necessarily unappreciated.
Days for leisure were hard to come by as a pirate, so the crew was sure to take full advantage of the opportunities that crossed your path.  The pirates were given the freedom to roam to their heart’s content, so long as they didn’t cause trouble.  “Stress-free activities are crucial to maintaining good cardiac health,” Law would say.  But everyone knew he enjoyed some sparring days off just as much as any average bloke.
Especially when those days off were spent in your company.
“Thank you for coming with me, Captain!” you quipped, your voice cheerful as you walked beside him, a small paper bag clutched in your hand, containing a small product you had just purchased from one of the local shops.  The entire crew had shed their usual boiler suits for the day in exchange for more casual attire, you taking the opportunity to don the sundress that you had purchased a few months ago with Ikkaku.  “I’m always happy when you take days off to get out of that stuffy office of your’s.”
Law fought tooth and nail to keep the pleased smirk that twitched his lips from showing on his face.  He already needed to duel with his wandering eyes which kept itching to gaze at the way your breasts fit into the bodice of your light, flowy gown.  “Of course, it’s nice to get out sometimes.”  ‘With you,’ he added in his head before quickly balling up the thought into a crumpled mess and chucking it into a garbage pail.  The worst part about all of this, unrelated to walking side-by-side with you (which was the complete opposite of a bad thing), was the fact that he was pressured to leave Kikoku behind on the Polar Tang.  He felt naked without his sword perched on his right shoulder.
Your eyes were eagerly glancing between the storefronts that surrounded you on both sides, happy townspeople window shopping with their families and loved ones, partaking in the outdoor food markets, and spending quality time in the sun.  The domestic bliss of days like this always made your soul feel lighter, your footsteps almost floating off the ground.  A few couples passed by, their hands intertwined and souls combining with bliss, a sight that made Law’s own fingers twitch with the deep-seeded need to grasp your hand.  Every once in a while, your own fingers would tingle with the desire to reach out for him as well.
He wouldn’t hold your hand because of affection, Law told himself.  It was just to make sure other people knew you were off limits.
Was that because of affection?  Was he even entitled to such a thought?  
He stifled a frustrated groan.  “Are you looking for something?” he asked curiously, picking up on the way your gleaming eyes darted to and fro.
“There was a shop I read about in the latest paper that I could have sworn was on this island…” you muttered, bringing your free hand up to nervously stroke the skin of your cheek.  After a few more moments, your face lit up as your eyes landed on a shop tucked away between two larger markets, almost completely hidden from public view.  “Found it!”
Law’s heart almost leapt out of his throat when you subconsciously snatched his hand, yanking him out of the flow of people on the street and towards the storefront.  His stern golden eyes flashed up towards the sign above the front door.
‘WILD BILL’S PAWN SHOP’
“You read about this somewhere?” he asked, his voice revealing a level of skepticism as you stopped in front of the front door.  A dingy, beat-up ‘OPEN’ sign carved into a plank of birch wood and hanging from a rusty chain was flipped outward toward the street, beckoning townsfolk inside to peruse whatever wares were contained within the unassuming wooden shack.
You excitedly nodded.  “Yup, I was looking for places that might sell rare coins.”
Law’s breath caught in his throat.  “But you don’t collect coins.”
“I was looking for you!” you called out, flashing him a smile that could have easily put him in an early grave.  So much for being conscious of his heart health.  With the way his organ was hammering behind his sternum, he had half a mind to be worried about spontaneous cardiac arrest.
Instead of responding, all he could muster was a quiet, pensive, “Hmm.”
You finally released his hand (his palm felt so cold now), and pushed open the thin wooden door to enter the shop.  An obnoxious, ear-piercing bell chimed above the hinges, alerting any other shoppers or employees of your entrance.  Law always hated gimmicks like that, they were a pirate’s worst nightmare.  Instantly, the smell of centuries old dust and mildew flooded Law’s nose, making him suppress a sneeze into the collar of his shirt.  He was about to make a snide remark about being susceptible to allergens, but kept his lips sealed when an amused giggle emitted from your lips at the way his face contorted with mild disgust.
He blindly followed you to the back of the store, past dusty shelves containing books from all walks of life, old technology that Law had never even seen before, and antiques from across the globe.  Your expression remained one of wonder as you passed by each new item, gazing fondly at some of the more sentimental goods- boxes of old postcards, old newspapers from decades prior, wanted posters for pirates long deceased.  For such a ratty-looking establishment, the variety of wares this ‘Wild Bill’ had on hand was quite impressive.  In the very back of the store, a long glass case spanning almost the entire length of the wall was situated, separating a back room from the rest of the establishment.  There was a small space to walk around behind the case in between the wall, where small sliding doors were built in to allow someone to remove the wares kept safe inside.
Law’s eyes finally lit up in wonder.
A plethora of fine metalwork was kept in the special enclosure, jewelry with the finest minerals and perfectly sculpted details in precious velvet boxes, metal treasures surely passed down through generations of wealth, and in the nearest corner, an assortment of collectable, commemorative coins from across the world.  You smiled to yourself as Law drifted toward the coins, crouching down on his calves to more closely inspect what the shop had to offer.
He was so adorable.
“Can I help you folks with anything?” a voice from behind you asked, startling you from your affectionate daze.
A larger, older man emerged from behind one of the tall bookshelves, his hands in his pockets.  He was dressed surprisingly gaudy, a bright purple overcoat that traveled past his rump covering a sky-blue button-up shirt and a polka dot bowtie.  His belly was quite large, a curled handlebar mustache perched atop his upper lip.  He looked wildly out of place in such a modest, dusty shop.  Must be Wild Bill.
You flashed a cordial smile.  “Just looking around!”
The sound of your talking alerted Law, who stayed crouched in front of the coin collection but tossed accusatory glares over his shoulder, assessing the man’s interactions with you under an analytical gaze.  Out of instinct, as a pirate.  As a captain.  Nothing more… probably.
“Well, let me know if you need help finding anything!” the man hollered, his receding hairline making the dim light of the nearby lamps reflect off his oily skin.  He stepped behind the glass containers with a small huff and disappeared into the back room, a curtain swooping closed behind him.
With the outrageous stranger gone, Law resumed looking over the fine details of each coin housed within their own individual boxes, while you approached the other end of the glass case and examined the jewelry.
Your eyes darted excitedly between pieces.  Delicate rings with rare gemstones sat perfectly in their boxes, some dated as old as centuries ago.  A bracelet that was assembled with the finest minerals, gleaming brightly through the dim atmosphere of the shop.  As your eyes continued to dart from one object to the next, you finally found yourself entranced by one thing in particular.  It was a necklace, more of a choker than a longer-hanging piece, with a small purple amethyst mounted elegantly in the center of a silver pendant.  The complimentary silver chain seemed to be fairly heavy duty just as it was delicate enough to still be an elegant accessory.  You felt a smile pull at your lips.  You doubted you had enough beri to afford it, but you’d be damned if you couldn’t at least try it on.
Wild Bill once again appeared from behind the curtain after a few moments, placing a few items on top of the counter to be placed inside the glass enclosure.  Law watched as the old man’s gaze turned to you as you bent over, tucking your dress behind your knees to crouch down and get a closer look at the amethyst necklace.
“Anything caught your eye, missy?” Bill asked, his voice far too loud for such a small shop as he leaned over the top of the counter and gazed through the transparent surface at the pieces you were admiring.  A seemingly friendly smile adorned his pudgy face.
You enthusiastically nodded.  “Yes, actually, can I try on this necklace?”  Your finger pointed through the protective barrier toward your interest.  “The one with the small amethyst pendant.”
Law kept watching your interaction out of the corner of his eye.
“Of course, of course!” boomed Bill, bending over and sliding the door of the case open to remove the necklace, holding it by the chain in his large, burly hand.  
Without being asked, he stepped out from behind the counter and approached you from behind, unclasping the chain and looping it around your neck.  Law watched, his leg muscles tensing as you visibly stiffened at the proximity of the man as he clasped the chain together around your neck.  He pulled over a small standing mirror to have you admire the piece that sat elegantly between your collarbones.  Your fingers ghosted over the gemstone embedded in the fine silver, a small smile ghosting over your lips.
“It looks absolutely beautiful,” you whispered.
Bill stepped closer, almost pinning you from behind against the counter.  His large hands rested against the glass case, caging you in.  “It does… fitting for a beautiful woman such as yourself.”
The air went ice cold as Law watched the man’s hand wander upward, trailing across your forearm and up toward your bicep, across your shoulder and to your neck.  Your face had quickly contorted into an expression of terror, having been caged against the counter all of a sudden against your will, being caressed by this stranger.  Law felt frozen.  His brain was screaming at him to move, to do something, to get you out of this shop as soon as possible.  But he couldn’t move.  Why couldn’t he move?
“I’m sorry, I think I’m going to pass, actually,” you uttered, trying to push yourself away from him.  Your voice had quickly grown shaky, apprehensive.
“No, no, it really does suit you!” Bill murmured, his head angling downward, predatory eyes gazing over the soft skin of your neck.  The way he kept you pinned against the counter prevented you from moving away from him.  His belly was almost pushed flush against your back, making your hands tremble in fear.
“ROOM.”
A flash of blue light engulfed the surrounding area.  You immediately breathed a sigh of mild relief.  A static sensation permeated the space around you, making goosebumps rise across your skin and the hair on the back of your neck stand on end.  Just as soon as the bubble surrounded you, the predatory man was replaced with your captain standing protectively behind you, his lean hand on your shoulder to keep you steady.
Now he’d done it.
“You’re…” Bill stammered, his own hands shaking with realization.  “I’ve seen that ability, you’re… you’re…!”
Law didn’t give him time to fully realize who’s identity he was dealing with before his hand was in yours, forcefully dragging you out of the shop, harshly pushing between narrow shelves of delicate antiques until the two of you burst back out into the sunlight.  Law didn’t let up his pace, your feet barely keeping you steady as you ran.  Onlookers stepped back, shocked gasps and wide eyes following the two of you in your mad scramble back to the cliff where the submarine was kept concealed.  He just needed to get you some place secure.  Somewhere where you could wash away the phantom grime of the hands that had just touched you.
What a bad day to leave his sword behind.
The two of you had just barely made it past the outskirts of the port town when you tripped, slamming into Law’s backside and falling to your knees with a pained grunt.  The shoes you were wearing definitely weren’t built for mad sprints through a town.
“Shit…” Law grumbled, crouching down in front of you.  “Are you alright?”
Your hands were still shaking, anxiously palming the dirt and grass beneath your fingers as your lungs heaved, desperate to catch up on the oxygen you lost in your frantic sprint.  Small tears brimmed in the corners of your eyes, but you were quick to blink them away.  Your heart was pounding madly in your chest, your brain a fuzzy mess of scrambled, panicked thoughts that couldn’t make sense in any order.  Law was so close to you, so close you could almost smell the mild soap he used in the shower.  Something woody.  Mellow.  So very him.  You wanted to hug him.  The stress of the sudden incident was rapidly catching up to you.
Instead, the only thing you managed to do was blurt out an awkward, weary, “Thank you.”
Law wordlessly helped you to your feet, walking you back to the Polar Tang.  His mouth was drawn in that pensive line once more.
It took a few hours for you to register the fact that you had sprinted out of the pawn shop with the necklace still clasped around your neck.  When you took it off, you held it gently in your hands, gazing at the way the brilliant purple gem was nestled perfectly in the metal sculpted around it.  But the fingerprints around the chain from the predatory man who groped you left a phantom burning pain on your skin.  You still loved the piece, you truly did, and you wished you could wear it, but you felt violated.  There was no denying it.
You needed to scrub it clean.  You needed to scrub your own body clean, it seemed.
Law was in the medical bay when you carefully knocked on the door, hoping that no one was in there with him.  The tired sounding, ‘Come in,’ granted you permission to gently push the heavy hatch door open, stepping into the dim lighting and closing the entrance behind you.
Your captain was in the midst of re-organizing the entire medicine cabinet, floor to ceiling.  He did it when he was stressed.
“Yeah?” was all he asked when you entered, barely looking away from his obsessive work while you stood awkwardly in the doorway, holding your necklace in your cupped hands like it was a suspicious specimen to be brought to a lab.
“I know this is a weird request, but can you disinfect this?” you asked.
You held up the necklace by the very end of the chain, dangling it in the air away from you.  Law finally turned his attention toward you, an eyebrow raised.
“Why?”  He sounded genuinely oblivious to why you would ask for such a favor.
You rocked back and forth on your heels.  “It still feels like it has the fingerprints of that guy.  From the shop,” you clarified.  When you said it out loud, you grimaced at how childish you sounded, but at the same time, you felt your concerns, your insecurities over what had transpired, were justified.
You were violated.  Case closed.
It seemed Law picked up on that as well.  As much as he struggled to put himself in other peoples’ shoes, he could see the anxious look in your eyes that told him everything he needed to know- you wanted to wash away all traces of the man who burst your personal bubble in one of the worst ways imaginable.
Law felt a searing jealousy in his chest, the sudden reminder of the way your face contorted in utter horror as you were touched.
Your captain wordlessly stepped forward and gently took the chain from your fingers.  You watched him silently as he stepped back toward the counter, rummaging through the supplies he had laid out mid-organizing before procuring an opaque bottle of rubbing alcohol and filling a small container about halfway with the solution before submerging your necklace inside.  He capped the bottle and placed it back where he found it, amongst his other disinfectant chemicals.
“We’ll let that sit for a few minutes,” he suggested.  “In the meantime, I have these wet napkins you can use to clean your neck, if you want.”
He took the words right out of your head, as if he could read your mind.  You gratefully accepted the small container of alcohol wipes, starting with your neck and rubbing the cold solution down your collarbones, chest, and arms.  You didn’t care if it would dry out your skin later, the feeling of wiping away that man’s fingerprints in some capacity was more freeing than anything else in the world.
Law simply watched, glancing away from you every once in a while when you turned at an angle that would let you see him staring wanton daggers in your direction.  He shouldn’t be watching you scrub yourself down while fully clothed, if anything that could also be a violation of your unspoken privacy.
After what felt like hours, you finally disposed of the wipes in the nearby waste receptacle while Law fished out your necklace with a gloved hand, placing it on a dry cloth and carefully removing all the liquid from the surface of the metal.
He started speaking without thinking.  “Silver and amethyst are sturdy materials that can be placed in rubbing alcohol for disinfecting,” he stated.  “If this was some other weaker gem, like an emerald, it wouldn’t be so easy.”
You grinned, stepping closer as he polished the chain.  His hand that wasn’t gloved carefully moved along the cloth, outlining the shape of the necklace folded under it in precise, delicate motions.
Goodness, you loved his hands.
“So you’re as good with rocks and minerals as you are with health science?” you asked, a small, playful smirk on your lips.
Law’s own mouth twitched upward.  “I suppose so.”  He gently unfolded the cloth and removed the necklace.  “There, all clean.”
You grinned appreciatively, turning around and brushing away any obstacles in the way of your neck.
He stared at you from behind your back.  “... What are you doing?” he asked dumbly.
You tossed a glance over your shoulder.  “Waiting for you to put it on.”
Law chewed on the inside of his cheek.  “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” you confirmed.  “I trust you.”
What you didn’t say was just how much you trusted him.  You would willingly lay down your life for your captain, the love for him, both as a person and as a pirate, greatly surpassing that of a captain and his subordinate.  Sometimes, well, most of the time, you desperately hoped that he felt the same way.
After understanding your request, Law stepped toward you slightly, one hand still gloved as he looped the necklace around the front of your neck, bringing both ends of the chain around the back to clasp at the base of your spine.  His deft, inked fingers left scorching hot trails in their wake, your skin craving his touch.  The complete opposite of your counter in the pawn shop.
Once secured, you turned around to face him, a pleased smile on your face as your fingers once again ghosted over the delicate, purple mineral embedded into the pendant.  “How does it look?”
Law prayed that the blush on his cheeks wasn’t noticeable through the dim lighting on the medical bay.  He would put necklaces on your soft skin every day if you’d let him.
Oh, how he wished you’d let him.
“It looks great…” he mumbled, his voice soft and apprehensive.  “It suits you.”
His voice, the anxious tilt of his eyebrows, spoke volumes to you as your smile grew wider.  “Hey, Law?”
He turned his attention back to you, his lips pressed firmly together.
“Thank you for protecting me back there,” you sighed.  Your voice had gone quiet, but the look on your face was indebted.
“Of course,” he whispered back.  His mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, his brain clearly struggling to say the words he so desperately wanted to say.
The sight had you suppressing a giggle as you stepped forward, fighting back your reservations as you wrapped your arms around his torso in a hug, dropping your head into the crook of his shoulder and inhaling that scent that was oh-so familiar to you.  Disinfectant and oil, so clearly from living life on the Polar Tang, but also so distinctly him.
You loved it.
You were starting to come to the conclusion that you really loved him.
And with the way Law’s arms slowly wrapped around your own body, the hands you loved so much resting between your shoulder blades and the lowest point of your back, you started to wonder if he secretly, deep down in that weary heart of his, felt the same way about you.
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the-s1lly-corner · 11 months
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If you could indulge me, can I ask for something with The Amazing Digital Circus gang, with an s/o who is seen as an anchor for the others? They are strong willed, happy go lucky, supportive, a mediator and ect. Well, could they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode, just crying in frustration and like punching a wall to calm down and go back to acting like nothing happened?
I have a thing with strong willed characters hiding their weakness for the benefit of others.
TADC cast x emotional anchor!reader !
oh ho ho you silly lil fella, you have literally just described my TADC oc down to a T, i am going to have so much fun writing this because im literally just. going to use my oc as a place holder for the reader, just without describing any lore bits unique to them and their design ngl i think i went insane with this one, tally hall music is doing something to me
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CAINE:
if you thought you were good at hiding your human despair just know that caine already knows. the only reason i feel he wouldnt initially come to you in your lesser moments of weakness is that he can acknowledge that youre trying to hide this part of you. does he go comfort you, and risk making you try harder to surpress your feelings; risking you to just blow up one day and have your mental state just totally collapse in one go? would you feel put off at the knowledge that in this world you never really have full privacy? that definitely wouldnt make you feel any better. but when it gets to the point where you're screaming and crying in your room and punching the walls he would step in. drags you away from the walls, and if he has to this man will restrain you if it means making sure you stop swinging. hes seen the downfall of many people within the circus, but seeing it from someone he so deeply cares for hits a different way. he may be an AI, but he can still simulate feeling. its a harrowing sensation as he lets you cling onto him. i think he makes an effort to make in house adventures less overwhelming and intense, too scared to push you over the edge but also too scared to leave you with nothing to do to distract you. i think he would stay with you for the night, too
POMNI:
as selfish as it sounds, pomni cant help but feel.. something in her chest. seeing you, the groups beacon of light falter fills her with some kind of fear and despair that she cant put into words. it reminds her that no one is above helplessness, and that at the end of the day youre just as capable of abstracting as everyone else. i think, when she finally sees your fake demeanor finally slip when you thought you were totally alone, she feels bad. i mean shes your partner, and she didnt pick up on any hints that may have indicated your true state of health. i dont think she would try to force you to speak, as much as i want to say that she would try to push for you to talk about how you feel i think her attempts to reach out to you would fall on deaf ears. i think she would put her hand on your shoulder, making you jump back to the present moment. its an awkward gesture, with the jester herself being a little lost with these new feelings... i think you two would just sit in silence
JAX:
similar to pomni, he feels this intense and unexplainable pang at the sight of the most hopeful and brightest person in the circus crumble. ive already said it but ill say it again, its like being splashed with cold water, with how hard that sinking cold feeling hits him. makes half hearted attempts to cheer you up. its not that he doesnt care, its that hes stuck in the shock of seeing the happiest person he knows flip into... this.. for a split second he thought you were abstracting, that pit his stomach becoming colder for a second before he realizes whats going on. ive said this before as well, but jax is not the best comforter, in fact i think he might be one of the worst out of the main cast. but i think so far for the characters ive written for this post, he makes an effort to try to pull you up out of your hole. at least he lets you cry your feelings out, and he wont make you feel bad for doing so
RAGATHA:
stands there in shock like pomni, before immediately rushing to your side and tugging you away from a coat stand you were kicking and beating. hands on your shoulders she tries to snap you back to the present moment, trying to tell you that shes here. any feelings of the helplessness that she shares with the previous two characters is shoved down. this isnt about her, its about you. runs her fingers through your hair, if your digital body has any, and just. rocks you. when you finally calm down enough to be able to form clear words, she reassures you once more that shes here for you. the two of you stay in that position, holding onto one another for the entire night. i think it should be said, but for most of these theyre going to try to keep a closer eye on you and make it a point to ask you how youre feeling. ragatha especially.
KINGER:
it reminds him of queenie. the sight brings back so so so many terrible memories. for a second he doesnt even register that hes standing in the present, standing in your doorway. stuck and frozen for a solid minute before you finally notice him, and you hold each others gaze. finally, you crumble. what was the point of hiding your mounting anguish now that it was discovered by the one you care for most? at the sight of your crumpled form i think kinger would snap back, and rush to your side. he's pause, afraid that you would abstract like the queen, before forcing himself to push through that fear in the back of his mind. a moment where he is not fumbling with himself or shaking; be it because he wants to be there for you or perhaps he still holds some guilt aimed towards himself for not being able to save his old queen, he refuses to leave your side even if you tell him to leave. theres this caution in his actions, mixed with this sort of determination to make sure you're okay. like ragatha, he would make it a point to make sure you're okay long after this incident
ZOOBLE:
zooble would probably be the only one who doesnt make their presence known to you while you're in that state. not because they wont care about you, in fact they care about you a lot. but theyre so unsure of what to do, that they give to you what they would have wanted for themselves, if they were in your shoes. they want to grant you privacy, and to at least keep a shred of the now ruined façade you had been putting on for everyone. if it means keeping it will give you comfort, then they wont take that away from you. they wait outside your door, waiting for the height of your episode to pass before cracking the door open. they dont say anything about what they had just heard, but you seem to know that they know.. i mean they came in so soon after you had calmed yourself down enough.
"are you okay?" a dumb question, but what else was there for them to say? you so obviously werent okay, and you likely werent for a long time. they offer to leave, to give you some time to pick yourself back up, but they also make it clear that they wont go anywhere if you dont want to be alone. the night is tense and awkward, filled with conversation before they eventually broach the topic... i think you guys would develop some sort of secret code. i mean youve been hiding your true feelings for so long, and outwardly saying you need help would compromise that mask you put up for yourself. be it a certain sentence or arrangement of objects, you two come up with a indirect way of asking for security
GANGLE:
she feels so helpless, the most out of everyone. she tries to get your attention, but her words fall on deaf ears, if they even manage to pry themselves out of her mouth. far too weak to pull you away and keep you from hurting yourself, but too soft spoken to bark out a word to draw your attention to her. truly, she feels useless. she isnt able to capture your attention until you finally notice her. similar to kingers part, you fall. she takes an unsure step towards you, hands half raised in front of her as she debates if you want to be touched or not. she settles to sitting in front of you, just barely holding eye contact... she looks down when you tear your eyes away from her. finally finding her voice, i think she would ask if you want her to stay, or if you need anything. she tries to word it the best she can, but she lets you know that she doesnt think any less of you for your outburst. it happens to the best of us, really it does. if you want her too, she wraps herself around you and tries to soothe your shaking form
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xxmia0wm4yh3mxx · 11 months
Text
ENOCK
(Pomni X Caine Fic)
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(Caine and Pomni have been together for a while now, even though Pomni is happy with him, She still suffers from Panic attacks that keeps her from living her best life and constantly on the brink of abstracting, Which Caine simply cannot let slide! So He gives Her a very speical Present)
( This is my first Ship fic, sorry if its corny/cringe )
"POMNI MY DARLING!"
He Teleported through the halls frantically Looking for Pomni who he heard was Having another stress attack, It seems no matter How hard He tries to keep her Happy, the looming threat of anxiety and Being Trapped in a fake world was always to much for her.
Caine Could never Understand, Pomni Always Said She was happy with him, He made her laugh and Smile, He worked so hard to learn to empathize and to have Emotions So she could Be As happy as Possible.
'Was it his Fault? He was Made to Make People Happy, And absolutely needs pomni to be happy, Was he not doing it right? He learned so much about humans, but their still so complicated and impossible understand'
"POMNI?"
Caine found Pomni curled up in a little ball in a corner in one of the rooms, She was hyperventilating and glitching again
'UH OH'
"POMNI! I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!"
He Manifests a warm blanket and Wraps it around her to comfort her, He also hads Her a cat Plushie and some water, Her breathing slows down a bit
"Thank you Caine"
She wasn't Glitching anymore, but she still looked sad
"DO YOU NEED ANYING ELSE?"
"FRESH DIGITAL AIR? A ROOM FILLED WITH FRIENDLY CATS? SAY THE WORD AND ITS YOURS MY DEAR!"
Pomni was always so endeared by him, Always trying so hard to make everyone happy even if it dosent always work, its the thought that makes him so sweet
"I'm Fine..."
"...MY DEAR, IM HAVING TROULE BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE 'FINE'."
he floating down to her level
"PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG? I CAN'T LET YOU ABSTRACT, I NEED YOU!"
"....Ive just been feeling so... Stressed lately and I dont know why, I-I don't think I have any reason To be, But I just Am and I-I C-cant help it and... im sorry that y-you can't help.."
Her eyes started tearing up a little
He just put his Hand on her shoulder, He was starting to feel a little depressed himself
"POMNI I'M SO SORRY! I PROMISE I WILL NEVER STOP TRYING TO KEEP YOU SANE I PROMISE! JUST... TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO!"
"I-I don't know what you can do"
She cuddled into him resting Her head on his chest, Caine Gave her a little Head pat in response, he was starting to feel alittle Hopeless now, But then a little light bulb popped over his head as He got a Idea.
"EUREKA! IVE GOT IT!"
"Got What?"
Caine thought for a moment on How to Explain his Plan to her, It was a long shot but still, Everything for her or nothing at all
"POMNI, I ADORE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?"
He sounded Weirdly more Serious than Usual, which was kinda off putting and confuseing, but she Was Listening
"Yes? I Love you to Caine, Where are you Going with this?"
"WELL... I HAVE BEEN LEARNING MORE ABOUT HUMANS AND HOW THEY WORK, AND WHAT MAKES THEM FELL JOY... SO HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT A LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY OF OUR OWN?"
Pomni Was a Little Confused and Startled by this, He couldn't possibly be saying what she thinks hes saying
"W-What do you mean?
"IM TALKING ABOUT YA-KNOW ONE OF THOSE LITTLE ANKLE-BITERS! YOUNG-UNS! IM TALKING ABOUT CHILDERN MY DEAR! DOSENT THAT SOUND MAGNIFICENT!"
Pomni Just stared off into space processing What Caine Just proposed to her
'Was he Crazy?! Okay Absolutely, Yes But Still- Is he Crazy!?'
"Caine, I can Barley Take care of Myself, How can I take care of a Child?!"
"IT WOULDN'T BE LIKE ANY OTHER CHILD, IT WOULD BE AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE! AND WE AI'S ARE KNOWN FOR OUR LOW MANTIENCE! BESIDES, THEIR IS NOTHING MORE FULFILING LIKE THE WONDERS OF PARENTHOOD! SOMETHING TO REPLACE ALL THE ICKY DEPRESSION WITH LOVE AND JOY!"
Pomni was feeling a bit more enticed by the idea, What Else is there to do here expect the Adventures Caine sets out for them? Maybe a Child Could give at least the Illusion of normalcy, And Caine being there with her to help her.only made her feel more convinced
"Well... maybe... But how? I mean Like... How would that Even work..? I mean Can you even Do THAT in Digital realm??"
"WELL OF COURSE WE CAN HAVE CHILDREN MY DEAR!"
Pomni's Face starting turning bright red, Caine Quickly Noticed and became flustered himself
"N-NOT LIKE THAT! I MEANT I COULD CREATE A LEARNING AI FOR US TO RAISE TOGETHER-"
pomni started Giggling a little at Caine being flustered, Caine Always loved that Adorable Face she Made when she was happy, That little giggle, and how shy and sweet she was when she was flustered, its what made him learn to Love and experience things which he couldn't Even Imagine before
"i would find a way to bypass the filter for you"
"What was that Caine?"
"NOTHING-"
"SO MY DEAR, WILL YOU ACCEPT?"
She Thought about it for a while, maybe like Five minutes, Before she Started tearing up in anticipation
"OH GOODNESS MY DEAR! ARE YOU ALR-"
"A-ABSOLUTELY YES!"
She rammed into him, Embraceing him in tight hug
"I wanna have a Child!"
She was still sniffling a bit, Caine Was Just staring into Space for A bit, bursting with enthusiasm at the thought of Pomni being Happy, but also Having his own progeny to raise
"WELL THEN MY DEAR! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO!"
Caine left pomni's embrace and back up in the air a bit, He felt across his Teeth and grabbed one of his Molars, and Yanked it out in a Cartoony Fashion.
"THIS WILL DO WONDERFULLY!"
"NOW MY DEAR, I JUST NEED A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM YOU"
He Grabbed Her Eye and Pulled it out like a Berry in a bush, being as gentle as he can with it, Pomni was already pretty used to Caine's antics at this point so it didn't bother her that much, He Grabbed one of her hats Tassles and Yanked on it, And a new eye roll into place for her
"KNOW LETS SEE!"
He manifested a Little Gift Box and Dropped The pieces into It, and Shook it vigorously for about two minutes, Pomni watching with Excitement and smiling the whole time
"NOW, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH! ARE YOU READY MY DEAR!"
Pomni just vigorously nodded her head not being able to keep calm
"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES!"
Caine Put the Box into Pomni's hands, Trembling alittle, Pomni slowly opened the box.
She saw a Little Tooth-Like Creature with Big wet Colorful Pinwheel Eyes, The Little Tooth Just Stared at Her with Its Wet Eyes as it Draw back into the Box
Pomni lowerd her Hand to give it a little Stroke, It Snuggled up Against her Hand, purring while doing so
Pomnis looked at it with instant love for the little Creature, picking it up And Holding it Close to her, it cuddling her arm with its Roots as arms, She felt all her Stress, dread, anxiety and sadness fade away, Pomni had tears in her eyes at this point
"....Its Beautiful Caine, I love him"
"TERRIFIC! I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT!"
Caine floated down to see his new child, His pupils Immediately Went big as he Gazed upon The little Tooth, It looked at its Father with Large Eyes and extending its root-legs to be held by him, He picked him up and Looked him in the eyes
"....WELL HELLO THERE SPORT! AND WELCOME TO THE DIGITAL CIRCUS! IM YOUR CREATOR AND FATHER CAINE, AND THIS IS YOUR MOTHER POMNI!"
The little baby Tooth just Stared him, and Cuddled into him like a Kitten, and Caines eyes went big
Pomni Went up to Him and Gave Caine a hug
".....Hes perfect"
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Thanks for reading!!!
Here Enock Himself if your wondering
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lowkeyrobin · 2 months
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HIIYA!! may I request a Monty x reader who used to be an owl? Like how he used to be a crow? Ty!!
ooo yeah okay!! ; I tried my best w this one cause it was a little hard for some reason?? idk I just couldn't think of shit lmfaooo ; but thanks for requesting!! I love seeing ur user in my inbox lol ; hope you enjoy!
MONTY FINCH ; bird buddies
summary ; you were an owl, he was a crow
warnings ; language
word count ; 262
masterlist
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you bond a lot over the whole bird thing
being human is not easy bro
you often reminisce on being small and being able to fly
being a human is definitely easier than being a bird, like scavenging for food or not being able to be understood by humans
but there is something inside you both that's like "I love being human cause I love having complicated emotions and relationships but being a bird was so much more simple"
"if esther ever tries to feed me bugs again, im gonna hurt someone"
"whyd she even try..."
but he loves how much he can bond with you
like no one else understands how hard it is to change species overnight and just have to fit in like that
goodnight.
but you try a lot of new things together
like trying hobbies, trying new food, etc etc
you both came to realize really quick that life has so so so much more to offer as humans
you guys do that 🤯 type look when you see something new / something that looks cool
"what is that?"
"i dunno but I'm getting it"
you get phones together (thanks to niko)
oh my lord
they're so confusing but SO FUN
he gets addicted to cut the rope and toca boca games
meanwhile you're obsessed with spotify and making playlists / finding new songs to listen too to make him listen
"whats hooters?"
"owl food? maybe?"
"you wanna try it? if it has an owl on the logo it must be good"
"okay"
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THE duo of all time
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pm dazai time traveling and meeting the ada and them being freaked out by him and him scaring them and thinking theyre all idiots for trusting him and it all being angsty and shit is a very interesting take
but personally, i think if pm dazai ever time traveled to meet the ada, they would, without much thought, say or do something that shows that they genuinely like him and he would probably just pass out because he cant handle genuine positive emotions directed at him (see bsd wan)
kunikida: here have this drink so you don’t pass out and die from dehydration you bastard
pm dazai: ... why did you get me this one?
kunikida: it’s ur favorite?????
pm dazai: oh *passes out*
/
pm dazai: so... you all think im ur friend
kenji: you are our friend !! we do all sorts of fun stuff together !! *thinking about all the times dazai helped him bring a cow into the office*
pm dazai: huh *internally screaming*
/
pm dazai: *vaguely shifts*
yosano: oh are your bandages itchy? i have some spare if you wanna go and change them?
pm dazai: *dies but not in the way he wants to*
/
pm dazai: im a demon; human emotions don’t mean much to me
ranpo: i’ve seen you cry over studio ghibli films, you’re as human as they get
pm dazai: oh
/
pm dazai: you just accepted me into your agency?
fukuzawa, patting his head: of course 
pm dazai: *just fucking drops to the ground*
/
pm dazai:
Jun'ichiro: oh hey, here, naomi and i thought you might be bored so we set up a bunch of movies to watch or games for you to play :)
pm dazai, on the verge of passing out, lightheaded: wh-what
naomi: yeah! we picked all the ones we thought you’d like :))
pm dazai: *falling to the ground*
/
kyoka: here
pm dazai, taking the crepe: what’s this
kyoka: i went to get some and thought you’d enjoy this flavor.
pm dazai: *chokes and nods*
/
pm dazai: why do you like me so much
atsushi: there’s lots of reasons to like you mr. dazai! maybe it’s because you always take care of me. maybe it’s because you’re funny. maybe it’s because you were the first human i ever met. it’s hard to pinpoint
pm dazai: *cries and passes out*
//
bonus:
pm dazai, staring at the grave in front of him:
atsushi: i didn’t know your friend, mr. dazai, but i think he would’ve been very proud over how much you’ve tried, and how much you’ve succeeded in being a good person
pm dazai: im not a good person. even if future me has deluded you all to think-
atsushi: i think mr. dazai is a really good person. he may have done bad things before, but i think putting in the effort to change and be better is amazing. you help people through the agency, and you prove you’re a good person. maybe you’re not perfect, but we all love you because you’re you mr dazai :)
//
i didn’t include haruno or katai because i was running out of brain thoughts sorry
/
anyway since atsushi was horrifically abused his entire life, i thought it’d be interesting to have him call dazai the first human he met, because he’d be the first kind and real person he’d have met - since the orphanage was filled with people who tormented him, they’re registered in his head for the inhumane treatment they put him through if that all makes sense
anyway
i made a few people mention dazai being human since he has that whole thing of thinking he’s not
yeah anyway these are just my two cents feel free to add on or comment
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riaki · 11 months
Text
PHEW okay. rn im working on a yoshida fic but i completely spitballed and went off the rails ...... so um. might be a while before that comes out, so take some (many) thoughts and drabbles of weird stalker boy instead !! yoshida hirofumi x reader
@twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat take this for yoshi fluff n some mild angst.. for now......
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i feel like yoshida would definitely be the kinda guy to give his all in keeping it together; especially with his position as student council president (that he's only half-committed to, really) topped off with his life in the private sector of devil hunting, his image is extremely important to him. not because he has a huge ego or is self-obsessed, but he knows that a lot of people look up to him and rely on him. that being said, he's (probably, yoshida lore when) only human, and he's bound to struggle and wrestle with the workload he's chained to, and it can often get the best of his emotions and stress him out.
so a little word of encouragement here, a sweet 'washed your dishes and your clothes cus i saw you were busy' there would be everything he needs to spur himself on even if he's exhausted; hearing the phrase "i'm proud of you." from your mouth in your sweet, sweet voice? makes it all worth it. 
all considered, he doesn't want you to do too much for him; he never lets you pay for your shared meals or drive the two of you home, BUT you should give it your all in trying anyway! acts of service for him seem subtle, but they really mean the world to him when you try so hard to lighten his burden. he thinks it's the most endearing thing on the planet. on the days he lacks the energy to even utter a small mumble of protest, he'll let you take the wheel- but those days are rare, so capitalize on the opportunity! being a gentleman is tiring, so make him coffee (not black) instead of letting him buy the headache-inducing cans of sickeningly sweet caffeine from the vending machines outside his apartment when you rise early enough to; let him fall asleep in your lap and gently play with his hair while you handle a homework assignment for him or two. bonus points if he wakes up to something sweet or savory made by those hands of yours that he loves to hold so much; do that, and he might just dream of marrying you the next time he indulges in an afternoon nap in the confines of your arms. 
(and when you hold him to your chest and whisper sweet nothings into his ears on the days he's earned further affection from you? it makes him feel like he's being granted a visit from the heavens, though hell knows he'll never make it up there. but, if he thinks he's being honest, it doesn't matter to him- not when you're right in front of him, a taste of divinity. not when you're gently tracing each slope and ridge in the shape of his left ear, thumb tenderly prodding at the soft skin between the cold metal piercings on his ear. it's like you're mapping out just this minuscule section of his body, and he's found himself praying to whatever's out there that you'll always be here to give him this; that one day, you'll have ran your fingers over every inch of him, memorizing the intricacies of the very bones in his body.)
to me, his primary love language would definitely be quality time- more so for him than you (but he still hopes you enjoy it enough to indulge him. makes him feel like a kid in a candy store with free reign over his monthly allowance.) meaningful talks with you and silly fun banter is all he needs to take his mind off the stresses currently throwing him for a loop and let loose a little. that’s one of the reasons why he fell so head over heels for you— you make it a little easier to breath whenever you’re around him. also... he loves the look on your face whenever he surprises you with gifts, so count on an uninvited bouquet of flowers in some varying hue of your eye color, or surprise boxes of jewelry- that is, if he can afford it. if not, he'll take you out when the weather is pleasant enough and you're in the mood for a cup of boba or an evening out in the nearest shopping district, browsing the warmly lit stands as the chatter of people bustling by fills your ears and he holds onto your hands in the simple pretext of not wanting you to get lost as he buys every mouth-watering festival food you lay your eyes on without hesitation. maybe he'll even treat you to a quick stop at a standing ramen restaurant- and if you're too tired to support yourself on your own two legs, he has no problem carrying you. after all, with his private devil hunting, you both know he's more than capable of that. and so, rest-assured you’ll return home on those gleeful days with full stomaches, bags n boxes full of sticky dango and fresh glistening apples the shades of a red autumn, and giddy smiles coupled with painted strawberry blush that dusts your cheeks and stains your ears. and if, throughout that entire vivid night of fireworks and sweet n savory scents drifting from stalls and the treats in the hands of vivacious children, you happen to get some crumbs or powder on your cheeks, he's more than happy to wipe it away with an affectionate thumb and earnest smile— or even lean in for a taste straight from your flushed skin.
on the topic of his side job in the private sector, though- yoshida prefers to keep you as far away as possible from the side of his life that's three feet deep and counting in missions at the Bureau. and of course, he takes no pleasure in lying to your face, especially when he realizes that you realize the half-assed mutters that fall from his lips don't answer the questions you demand answers to. 
he knows it's a necessity, though. so he never tells you the truth when it comes to this matter. 
but you can only see the tip of the iceberg of cold, guilty pain that washes over him when he watches your trust in him slip like you're loosing your footing; the excuses he spins that you don't buy and the way he feels like he's being scrutinized beneath your burning gaze as your eyes rove over the rough cuts on his arms and the blooming purple bruise on his jaw that you know isn't a love mark (or at least, you hope so. your mind won’t let you consider the possibility.) makes him feel guiltier than ever. on every other occasion, he never shies away from your gaze; for one, he’s well aware of how attractive he is, but all the compliments and shy confessions he’s ever received feel minuscule when you look at him like he’s your world, so loving that it seems to make the sun shine an inkling brighter and the birds outside his window sing a little sweeter amongst the symphony of nature. but on less pleasant occasions, when it feels like you’re appraising him— no. not just him. appraising his words, weighing them on a golden scale that’s supposed to be unbiased towards the truth, but your heart can’t take the strain when you consider the possibility of him lying to you, and he feels more distant from you every time you look at him in a way that makes him want to shrink away and shut himself up from your prying eyes that he knows are only well-intentioned— which is all the more reason why he falters under the weight of them.
but it’s not like he’d ever tell you that, though. so really, it’s up to you to decide how you act; to probe him and risk a few unintentionally harsh words aimed in your direction in the hopes of confronting the issue head-on before it’s too late, or simply sit back and let it fester until it’s grown out of control and manifests into a hurtful argument for both parties. miscommunication is the enemy to your relationship :(
that being said, yoshida is a bit of a control freak. when things don’t go the meticulous way he’s planned them out, he starts to loose his cool pretty easily, stressing his pretty head off about this and that, biting on his lip and curling a hand into his dark hair. really, though, it’s a simple fix— he tends to get overwhelmed easily only when it comes to things like this, n so all you have to do is tear him away from whatever’s preoccupying him and hold him, soothe his nerves by running your hands through his hair and rubbing gentle circles into his back. like i said, acts of service are really meaningful to him, esp w his line of work— makes him feel all fuzzy on the inside, like there’s a cluster of stars in his chest, his heart stuttering like a broken engine and a bouquet of lilies flowering in his stomach, petals clogging his throat and making it impossible for him to voice his gratitude. and so, after he calms down, he’ll take your hand and pepper little kisses on your knuckles until you ask him to stop with a bright smile and a laugh that sounds like the trickling melody of a running spring water stream.
but that’s an if, though. yoshida might not always manage to calm down— and sometimes his frustration will get the better of him. it might be difficult to manage; he’s so composed and collected for the most part that the meticulous patience required to deal with his boiling vexation might be unfamiliar to you, so it’ll be a bumpy slope. so try to be understanding in the case that he ever snaps at you, and know that he never means to hurt someone as important to him as you. give him time, and he’ll come around. <3
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hopefull-mindset · 1 year
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Finally understanding Beast Mori (as Asagiri intended)
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Hello everyone, I am hoping you’ll be nice about me talking about Mori for two seconds and express my thoughts about such a guy like this. This isn’t going to be some fancy analysis picking apart stuff like I’d usually want to or even me addressing every trait he has because I definitely don’t go into everything. This is me finally being at peace with Mori’s humanity.
Before you say anything, I’d just like to share my own peace of comprehension. So if you were similarly confused the way I was, I think you’d appreciate this (Or if you’re looking for a different approach on Mori).
Im sure most of you have read the manga adaptation, so just to let you know, I am going to be using passages from the official Light Novel translation and if anyone needs it, I can send it to them!
For anyone who’s decided to read, hello! Nice to meet you. I’m sure we’ve all shared the same confusion when confronted with Beast Mori’s difference in personality and approach. Thoughts like “Why is he so much nicer?” Or “Why does he care much more about how kids are treated, when he himself has treated kids the same way he describes in the past?”
How could this person be the same guy who was Mori the Port Mafia Boss? The war veteran who used Yosano the way he did? So we came up with many idea of why he’s different to justify it, but here’s the thing: Mori is the same person he always was, this is a universe where everything is the same, but different where Dazai chooses to intervene.
After a few days, I was able to recognize it but I couldn’t hold myself to acknowledge it. It’s hard to see a man who represents the dark, the Port Mafia, to the Armed Detective Agency’s light. I couldn’t wrap my head that such a controlling, manipulative man could have humanity like the rest of the characters.
Why was this so hard for me to see? Well two reasons— the fandom and how the anime cuts down Mori’s emotions when adapting canon material. This happens to Dazai too, but people are much more willing to talk about it compared to Mori. Now the fandom really does love blaming everything on Mori and that’s not the most constructive thing to do when talking about abuse narratives. I can’t blame anyone for taking this route when it came to Mori because of Asagiri’s poorly thought out choice with him…. we all know what I’m talking about. Elise.
However, I need some of you to understand that abuse narratives are never as simple as “oh, it’s all this persons fault because they’re a horrible person, so [character] is resolved from any guilt or responsibility”. This not only dumbs down the situation and seriousness of it, by mischaracterizing the abuser, you’re also mischaracterizing the victim as well and what they’ve gone through. You’re putting their story in jeopardy.
Bungou Stray Dogs is a story about human beings, morality, and what it all means. Mori, and in turn Fukuzawa, are important to understand Bungou Stray Dogs because they are in two pinochle positions that start this discussion of Morality. I am baffled that a story like this, one that approaches these topics with so much appreciation for humanity and nuance, has a fandom that doesn’t want to talk about what it has to offer.
Asagiri’s poorly thought out writing decision of a joke is going to have lasting effects with how Mori is going to be approached forever and I see this, but I think the little girl jokes are the least important thing to talk about because they have as much impact as the Tanizaki siblings do. He’s also written to be not a good person either, so you can dislike him easily, but how many of these characters are traditionally good people? Kouyou, for example, is not a “good person” and emotionally abusive in example to how she treated Kyouka. That doesn’t stop people from liking her friendship with Chuuya and making content with her.
So this attitude toward Mori had me lost when it came to him because I could see how much thought Asagiri puts into writing him the same way he does with so many, but I’ve seen so many disregard his humanity that I had no way to express any of my thoughts to sort out what to think about through anyone else when faced with Beast Mori. Everyone was as lost I was, and the people that weren’t never explained it in a way I could break that barrier.
So what finally made me wrap my head around Mori? It was exactly one conversation I had with a friend and it wasn’t even about Beast Mori in particular, it was just about Mori and his poor humanity while navigating how to lead. Everything just clicked with that.
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(Dazai, Chuuya, age Fifteen)
This right here is where Mori tells us what he thinks his position means after the struggling we visibly see him go through. Is it an inherently correct conclusion to make? No, but does it make sense as someone who’s a leader of a huge, dangerous underground criminal organization? Yes, it does.
We have no backstory on Mori, but his poor humanity is easy to explain when he’s been in positions that require him to disregard his own and everyone else’s humanity for years now. As someone who’s seen war up close and a physician, these jobs require him to take control of the other person. Well in his mind at least, he sees these jobs and chooses to the route that’s most efficient.
It’s never positioned to be for himself though, he doesn’t take glee in what he does for self serving purposes, it’s always for the country, the city, the organization. His thought process is never the power hungry yearning we see everyone mistake it for. It’s never that he wants it, it’s that he needs it for everything to go well.
That’s exactly how he treats Yosano because even though it’s creepy to base your abilities looks on a little girl, that doesn’t stop him from seeing her use before her age and humanity.
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His clinical utilitarianism is his core trait but also most disliked one from what I can tell in the fandom, and people tend to misinterpret it to make the more non-favorable view of him. But again, he’s not supposed to be the greatest guy ever and you can understand where these traits started forming. And again, to paraphrase another’s words: he’s cunning, but not power hungry.
He’s also not disliked by his subordinates and actually respected, he respectively enjoys the company, but there’s a mixed answer to that and that it is… nobody is going to listen to you if you don’t treat them with decency. Why would you expect a tool to work if you break them? One of his earliest lessons he learned with Yosano and leadership.
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(Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen)
For example, we all know this scene is manipulation. He’s baiting Chuuya with information while still treating the teenager with respect and enough honesty to form a bond. Chuuya is perfectly aware that he’s being used in the present and in the past, but he respects Mori as a leader objectively after his own considered failure and lack of control over the sheep, even if he didn’t consider himself one. I don’t think this honesty comes from nowhere because that quote, “only a Diamond can polish a Diamond”, came from Natsume in reference to himself and Fukuzawa.
He sees himself and Fukuzawa in Soukoku fondly, but I tend to rethink this quote time to time because at first it comes off as a quote about partnership and building off of each other’s good qualities to perfect their own, but the way Mori uses it here feels as though it’s positioned to mean that one of them comes out perfected and the other weared down. Pretty competitive if you think about it.
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(Bungou Stray Dogs BEAST)
We’re finally at the part you’ve been waiting for guys! So what was my point for analyzing canonverse Mori? So as I said before, these are the exact same guy and all that word jumble? That was an extended version of what was communicated with me to finally get what was going on with Mori in this universe and why he’s suddenly in an orphanage.
Now I couldn’t tell what was going through Beast Dazai’s mind and where this decision came from instead of actually killing him like the rumor’s implied, but I can come close. I think that Beast Dazai recognized this potential of change either from the multitude of universes he was able to witness or recognized it in his own considering canonverse Dazai never does anything against Mori (even if he visibly dislikes him).
Possibility is one thing, the why is another. It was either that he saw potential and good that could come out of this in the long run, Mori’s intelligence and expertise still proves usefulness, less dangerous for Oda in the long run if he let Mori stay there instead of the Mafia, or all three.
I can say for sure though that this is better for Mori because after the years of being in atmospheres that require so much of him intelligently and exempt of any emotion involved for the sake of efficiency, being able to rekindle his humanity where nothing is expected of him except to raise kids in a non-exploitative context sounds really freeing to me. Considering he’s been there for 4 years, I find the development understandable.
Okay I’m hearing what you guys are saying again, “What about him saying he wanted to save Dazai? That doesn’t seem like typical Mori.” And I’m gonna say something really controversial: Well maybe he did.
Really though, I think he did care about Dazai and not because he saw a child struggling (think about Yosano and Q for 3 seconds), but because he saw himself in Dazai, which ultimately changed way more about their relationship than you guys think. There’s a lot of comparisons to Yosano and I understand where they come from because I think there’s a lot you can see similarities in, but Dazai is not purely a tool for Mori the way she was.
The avoidance of letting him die do come from his use and overall importance to the original plan of becoming the new boss, but I don’t think he would’ve left Dazai alone like that for 4 whole years after leaving the mafia if he didn’t care in some way way. What strikes me the most is how Asagiri decided to add “the man who raised Dazai”.
For Beast Mori, I think he’s had enough time to actually feel guilt and regret for Dazai as a person like a normal human being does. Oh I guess Elise is important too. Her aging up just meant that Mori has become less controlling and not like the little girl who he literally sees as a tool since kids are easier to manipulate. Can’t bring that energy to an orphanage, nope!
There’s better stuff out there about Mori that I think if you’re more open to thinking about Mori after this, you should check it out, these are just my thoughts recently. To end this off, here are two links to Asagiri’s own thoughts on Mori.
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cyberdragoninfinity · 3 months
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wild dana spotted howling and barking about yugioh arc-v out in the parking lot
oh BOY oh boy it's bout that time again. i can't believe it's been OVER A YEAR (?!?!?) since i last did one of these 'i just finished a yugioh here's my little rambly retrospective about it' posts but we are BACK!!! Finished my first ever watch-through of Arc-V last Tuesday after some 8 months of it putting me through the spin cycle and now as it's wedging itself permanently into my psyche i need to talk about its Everything or i will explode. so LET'S SWING INTO ACTION!!! I'M TAKING CONTROL OF THIS DUEL STARTING NOW!!!
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[SPOILERS ahead for this decade old anime, of course]
WOW. YUGIOH ARC-V, HUH. before i started it watching it, I knew two things: A.) every single bit of knowledge I'd learned about it from Duel Links events or otherwise had me so, so, unbeliebable fucking hyped. I was absolutely certain this Yugioh was going to be so full of Danabait and completely fry my brain like an egg on the griddle. I had to physically restrain myself for TWO YEARS to keep from jumping the gun and watching Arc-V before I'd finished all the series before it (a decision I'm ultimately thankful for--Arc-V hits kind of fuckign crazy as a chaser to four other yugiohs.). And also, B.) when people Talk About Arc-V they always talk about it in a Very Particular Way. like. it's hard to describe. I feel like you know it when you see it. There is the full range of human emotion in the way people talk about Arc-V. People talk about Arc-V like its a confusing, malicious specter haunting their living room. And this admittedly got me even more hyped to watch it.
And then I watched it and here I am and I KNOW NOW. I KNOW NOW WHY PEOPLE. TALK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT. FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. SLASH POS. SLASH NEG. SLASH SECRET THIRD THING.
Arc-V is a fucking MESS. It starts out SO strong and then it starts setting plot threads on fire and writing conceptual checks it absolutely cannot cash. It falls down the narrative stairs like it has a goddamn death wish. It introduces 342052805 characters and then forgets to do anything with 99% of them. It does things to its girl characters that makes the back half of 5Ds's girl writing failure look like the height of feminist theory. If the stories I've heard about its deeply troubled production are any indication it is some kind of MIRACLE this show got made and aired at ALL. IT'S LIKE WATCHING A CAR WEAVING THROUGH TRAFFIC AT 90 MPH ONLY TO PLOW DIRECTLY INTO THE SIDE OF A PARTY CITY.
and goddamn if I didn't have a FUCKING BLAST watching it. GODDAMN IF I DIDNT HAVE SO, SO MUCH FUN. goddamn if Arc-V might very well end up being my FAVORITE yugioh out of ALL of them when all is said and done. WHOOOOOPSSS!!! 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴
like. imo Zexal is absolutely from a quality/art direction/narrative/everything standpoint leaps and bounds better than Arc-V. Definitely one of my favorite cartoons I've ever seen period, and most people should give it a shot. Such a beautiful work of art. But Arc-V....... girl they put something In this one. My pre-show hype was absolutely warranted. This show is just one blast of Shit That Makes Dana Crazy after another. Every character absolutely delights me and is my best friend. I'm going to be losing my mind over Yugioh Arc-V for the rest of the year and maybe forever.
As usual I primarily watched the dub, with some sub episodes sprinkled in if I got tipped off about a big change, or just if I wanted to see what was going on back there. (glad I did, of course, for a number of reason--least of all that Arc-V's OPs and EDs are SO fun and so charming!!) (THOUGH SIDE NOTE: THE DUB OPENING SHREDS SO HARD IM SORRY. IT'S UP THERE WITH THE GX DUB OPENING FOR ME. CAN YOU FEEL THE FUCKING POWER!!!!!) Anyway, gotta say, really was blown away by this dub!! It's tied with Zexal for what's imo the 'best' yugioh dub--the majority of the voice performances were just fantastic (truly all the love in my heart for Michael Liscio Jr.'s performances as the yuboys, they all have such unique and charming voices and im OBSESSED WITH THEM.) and having watched some sub eps side by side with the dub it's really cool seeing a dub that genuinely tried to faithfully translate Most of the Original. idk it's just a really solid localization to me!! I loved it a lot!! ALSO IT'S EXTREMELY FUNNY. I SAY THIS ABOUT EVERY DUB BUT IT'S TRUE. there are line reads in the arc-v dub that have me SOBLAUGHING.
anyway. I like to do these little subsection breakdowns in these little retrospective roundups, so let's get into the weeds with it:
Stuff I Didn't Like: loooooooooong inhale through my nose. looks at you with mildly pained eyes. alright. let's get this one over with.
though I did really try to go in as blind as I could/avoid most spoilers with this one, I did inevitably get spoiled by some things from Duel Links, but in the case of. uh. Riley Getting Turned Back Into a Baby At the End. 👶🏼 I AM glad I had that spoiled for me, so I knew it was coming. Because if I didn't know that was going to happen and that clocked me over the head I would have been on the NEWS. I WOULD HAVE BEEN, SO MAD. HEY, YUGIOH: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 👶🏼👶🏼👶🏼👶🏼👶🏼 WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO RILEY!!!!
"character gets permanently turned back into a baby for Critical Plot Reasons" has gotta be one of my LEAST favorite tropes in anything, it's NEVER GOOD. AND IT'S ESPECIALLY BAD HERE!!! Riley is such a good character, he's got such an interesting arc going on, and THEY JUST RIP THAT TO PIECES. SO RILEY'S JUST FUCKING GONE NOW I GUESS. COOL. ALRIGHT. SURELY THERE COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER WAYS TO DEFEAT ZARC. SURELY. just. good GOD. it was a small miracle to me when this happened like 8 episodes before the end, it was like ripping the bandaid off early, it was like "oh thank christ i got past that. ok well whatever happens it cannot possibly be as bad as the shit they did to riley"
^ (and imo it wasnt. thank GOD. actually let's talk about that)
LIKE. MAKE NO MISTAKE ARC-V'S ENDING IS CONFUSING AND CLUMSY AND SO STUPID AND NOT GOOD. WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DOES THIS SERIES NEED EIGHT EPISODES AFTER ITS BIG BAD DUEL.WE COULD HAVE WRAPPED THIS UP IN 2-3!!!! it feels like watching Chopped and the contestant has 20 seconds on the clock left and theyre like "i gotta make my whipped cream" like WEEEE DONT NOT HAVE TIMEEE FOR THAT!!!!! WHAT ARE WE DOINGGGG. why are we dueling jack AGAIN. FOR TWO EPISODES. EVERYONE IS YELLING AT YUYA LIKE ALL OF THIS IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY AND FUCKING IS IT??!?!??! HE'S 14. AND THEN THOSE EPISODES HAVE THE GALL TO THROW SO MANY COOL IDEAS ON THE TABLE (Gong fully exploring dueltaining, the Dimensional Highway, etc) AND IT'S LIKE. COOL!! WISH WE COULDVE HAD THIS ANY OTHER TIME THAN THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND!!! WHAT ARE WE DOINGGGG
BUT all that being said, the way people talk about that fucking last episode I was expecting some genuinely godawful 'zuzu is yuyas mom again like in the manga' tier absolute nightmare scenario. i literally made a secret prediction chart of what insane plot twist i assumed the last episode was going to drop on me.
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AND THEN THE LAST EPISODE WAS JUST. FUNNYBAD. just a run of the mill whimper at the end of eight episodes we KIND OF REALLY DID NOT NEED. THE SHEER AMOUNT OF RELIEF I FELT. like absolutely i think going into it completely blind/encountering that ending watching live I would have been pissed, folks are rightfully frustrated with it, but I WAS TRULY. EXPECTING MUCH WORSE. IT ENDS LIKE A FAKE TUMBLR POST. "AND THEN EVERYONE CLAPPED" ASS ENDING. I DO HAVE TO LAUGH
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^ YIPPEEEE SIX CHARACTERS HAVE EFFECTIVELY STOPPED EXISTING YAAAAAYY (😬😬😬😬)
ALSO, IN GENERAL. SPEAKING OF. GOD. THE BRACELET GIRLS. YALL ARE SO COOL AND THEN POOR LULU AND RIN DIDNT GET TO DO A GODDAMN THING EXCEPT HAVE WORMS IN THEIR BRAINS!!!! HELL ON EARTH!!!!!! WHY DID THEY DO THATTTT GAHHHHH again!! show that introduces SO many characters, so many FUCKING COOL CHARACTERS, and then does NOTHING with them. Or hits them with PARALYZING NERVE GAS FOR 20 EPISODES. CHRIST!!! WHY DO ARC-V GIRLS SUFFER MORE THAN JESUS. LEAVE MY GIRL ZUZU ALONEEEEE
TO THAT END, ARC-V JUST MAKES; SO MANY CONFUSING CHARACTER DECISIONS. AND CHOICES. why is Yuto just out of the picture for like 60 episodes!!! Let him be Yuya's brain buddy!!! WHY WASNT HE. DID YOU NOT WANNA ANIMATE HIM FLOATING NEXT TO THE DUEL RUNNER??! BE REAL. It's like. GRAHHH In general Arc-V has a pacing problem that is like. Atrocious even for yugioh's bad pacing problems. This series needed to be 400 episodes long. I like the IDEA of a yugioh with a big cast, spending episodes cutting between different groups of characters like some kind of bulky YA fantasy novel, but in practice it got. Real Muddy. RIP Xyz dimension arc you shoulda had so much more to you. And then there's that combined with this way it's trying Really Really hard to ape the themes of the past yugiohs ('dont forget to have fun,' grief/moving on after loss, classism) but it's hitting every damn branch on the way down and just completely fumbling ALL of them, it's not actually doing much to Earn being able to have those kind of themes resonate properly. IT'S SUCH A BAFFLING SHOW. IN THE THEMES DEPARTMENT. AMONG OTHER THINGS. "DONT EVER BE VISIBLY PUBLICLY SAD" IS A FUCKING INSANE MORAL. AND IT TAKES THAT SHIT WITH IT TO THE BITTER END. WHY IS THE FATE OF THE WORLD HINGED ON YUYA MAKING A BABY LAUGH. WHERE AM I!!!!
god. god. ok. ok im calm now. im sure in the coming weeks i'll have more barking about arc-v's various fumbles. but i'll leave it at that for now, i wanna talk about stuff i DID like now lol
Favorite Season/Arc: ok well. this actually is a hard question. um. hrm. LIKE. I'LL GET SHOT BY SNIPERS IF I SAY IT WAS SYNCHRO ARC BUT ALSO
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IM SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYY I GOT THAT DOG IN ME (A BACK HALF OF 5D'S LIKER'S SOUL.) and unfortunately I WILL go in there and think about it that hard (the absolutely fucked to hell sociopolitical situation happening in Arc-V New Domino City and how it contrasts with the NDC in 5D's) (one thing about me I love weird fucked up yugioh old people I love those bitchass old centrists apparently governing the entire dimension and doing a piss poor job of it it's just like contemporary American politics!!!!!!) ROGET WAS JUST REANIMATING DEAD PEOPLE AND PUTTING MIND CONTROL CYBERNETICS IN THEM AND WELL YEAH SURE I'LL BE NORMAL GRIP ABOUT THAT. NORMAL. i need to make an arc-v AU Aporia so fucking bad THEN YOULL ALL SEE *talking to empty room*
YES synchro was way too fucking long. but regretfully i love turbo duels and will never not be charmed when yugioh puts guys on motorcycles that have no business being on motorcycles. DAMN I JUST FUCKING WISH YUYA AND YUGO GOT TO ACTUALLY TALK AND MEET IN THE SAME ROOM THOUGH!!!! BUT ANYWAY!!!!
im. kidding at least a little, I actually thoroughly enjoyed like...all of Arc-V's seasons/arcs at least a little (barring a lot of the Weird Post Zarc Duel 8 Episode Dead Zone.) The first 50 episodes really are just peak banger Yugioh, I do love action duels to absolute bits (though Action Spells. Uh. Need Some Workshopping 8| If I See Evasion One More Time Im Gonna Lose It) and the shit especially that first season does with the crazy Action Fields is AWESOME. GENUINELY. GO DUEL IN THE VOLCANO. DO A FLIP. RIDE YOUR MONSTER. it's practically running on Pokemon universe logic i cant NOT love it. And well Fusion Dimension arc does just have a whole lot of episodes that make me go cuckoo bananas crazy. Truly something for Dana in every crevice of Yugioh Arc-V.
Favorite Characters: god I do think like a solid half of why I think Arc-V may be becoming my top fav Yugioh is that the cast is just, really Really fucking good. Like yes so many of them are underutilized but the time we Do get with them really just shows off what delightful characters they all are. Half the reason it took me so damn long to finish was I was having so much fun and was going to miss seeing them!! IT'S GENUINELY HARD TO PICK A TOP LINEUP OF FAVS. THERE'S SO MANY DANABAIT GUYS IN YUGIOH ARC-V. YES EVEN THE SYNCHRO ARC GUYS. LUCAS SWANK I MISS YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.
The Lancers alone are SO good, theyre up there with Team 5D's in terms of Favorite "Main Yugioh 'Friend Group'/Organization". Group of guys who kind of have horrible synergy and only like 3 of them are actually competent. Declan came up with it when he was 13. Funniest group of teenagers imaginable, I love them all. LIKE .YUYA MAY BE MY FAVORITE YUTAGONIST??? IM NOT SURE YET BUT. I DO LOVE HIM A LOT. HE'S A PATHETIC WET PAPER TOWEL AND I WANT TO GIVE HIM A NOOGIE. SLASH POS.
And I mean I'm always gonna be Z-one biased but I do like Zarc as a Big Bad a lot too... damn if I don't love Just Some Guy Has Become God and Is a Huge Tool About It <3 WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS!!!!
ah. but. of course. i'd be remiss if i didn't bring up. Rainbow Carrot Rock Your World.
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hey guys. why'd it happen again. why'd the Yugioh Carrot and Company get in my head and completely fry my brain AGAIN!!!!!!!! ORANGE CARROT. PURPLE CARROT. YELLOW CARROT!!!!🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕 YUGO ISNT EVEN MY TOP FAV BUT HE'S IN MY HEART AND IN OUR HOUSE FOREVER NOW. meanwhile i dont want. to talk about what yuri is doing to me. if i think too hard about this little purple freak i'll start going bonkers ballistic chewing my leg off. I like all the yuboys but he is especially. Gripping Me. La Cucaracha Loca. My shithead gay son.
dennis needs his own post he's just. a Lot. may very well be one of the funniest yugioh characters ever. Among Other Things. his dub VA's performance needs to be marked as culturally significant. AND THEY JUST KEPT BRINGING HIM BACK.
IN GENERAL, AS I WAS COMPLETELY EXPECTING, FUCKED UP AND EVIL DUEL ACADEMY REALLY DID ME IN I love you Fusion Dimension kids I love getting sick in the head thinking about card game child soldiers.My Actual favorite Arc-V character may just straight up be Sora..... I just like him a lot. He's got a really solid character arc, his deck rules, he's a little fucker AND an absolute real one. Just 10/10 little guy.
GOD WHAT EVEN IS MY TOP FIVE FAVORITES. UHHHH Okay Sora and Yuri for sure, and Declan, I love Declan. Yugo..... god. GOD IS THE FIFTH ONE DENNIS FOR REAL. I FEEL HIM IN MY BRAIN SO BAD. AAAAUUGHHHH (Runners Up: Yuya, Yuto, GONG MOTHERFUCKING STRONG!!!!!!, Rin my girl my badass mechanic girl IM ON MY WAY. I'LL THINK ABOUT YOU THAT HARD., Riley, Arc-V Aster unfortunately a Dana Guy ever. Why Is He Here. He Didnt Even Go to DA in GX. But all of this is subject to change in coming months as the entire cast continues to hit me with weapons. An honor and a privilege to induct these characters into my Blorbo Hall of Fame)
Favorite Duel: HEY QUICK QUESTION: WHY ARE ARC-V'S DUELS SO FUCKING WEIRD. LIKE. NARRATIVELY. There's like 4352984589 ties and duels that get cut short and DUELS WE JUST NEVER GET TO SEE THE FULL OUTCOME OF ON SCREEN?!?!? WHAT WAS GOING ON THERE. It feels like another symptom of arc-v just desperately trying to bite off more than it can chew 😭 Frustrating!! And god I LOVE the zaniness of Action Duels, but we neeeeeed to do something about Action Spells... GRABBING AN ACTION SPELL SHOULD NOT BE THE CRUTCH OF YOUR WHOLE DECK.........
coughs. anyway. My actual honest to god favorite Arc-V duel is Yugo vs. Celina in the Friendship Cup <3 IVE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT IT BEFORE BUT IT'S JUST SUCH A FUN ONE. It's got some great character moments on both sides, a yugioh girl Getting to Be Cool, the colors are gorgeous, it's SO funny, I just get such a kick out of it....I think part of what I Do like about the Friendship Cup is it really shows this sense of kinetic energy that the WRGP in 5D's really needed. I also really like the Shay vs. Dennis Friendship Cup duel for just going completely off the rails. Blow Up This War Criminal and The Whole Stadium With the Giant Bird Satellite Cannon. DOES NOT GET MORE YUGIOH THAN THAT!!
for all its weirdness Arc-V has a LOT of really fun duels that i enjoy--Shay vs. Sora is beloved for a reason, it also goes hard as hell. So many Season 1 duels are just a goofy blast, I really need to rewatch the quiz show one. For as much of an unnecessary mess as those last 8 episodes are, I DO really like Yuya and Dennis's duel too (THAT GETS REALLY REALLY GAY AT THE END???!?!? ARE WE ALL SEEING THIS.)
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Hell even the Zarc duel started making me kind of sick in the head--watching Yuya's friends passing around his pendulum necklace while trying to save him makes me turbo emo WHAT CAN I SAY!!!
Arc-V also has the thing I had with Zexal where there's just some individual episodes that are absolute bangers for me. i love the Prison Break episode, it's fucking INSANE. HIP HIPPO SAID FUCK COPS FUCK THE PRISON SYSTEM!!! I love the episode where Gong and Dennis duel. FOR HOW LONG IT DID DRAG SYNCHRO HAS SOME REALLY FUN ONE-OFF EPISODES which I just really enjoy. Also love when Zuzu and Sora beat the shit out of a pack of cops. Based for that for real.
i do also love Yuri and Yuya's duel. Of course.
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Other Miscellaneous Gushing/Shrieking/Losing My Mind About Yugioh Arc-V For Good and Bad and Everything in Between: arc-v arc-veeeeee yugioh arc-fiveeee theres just so MUCH. TO TALK ABOUT. THIS ONE'S GONNA BE IN MY HEAD FOR EONS I FEAR. THINKING ABOUT THE EVERYTHING. The sheer amount of narrative traits that make me specifically lose my mind (in a good way. as opposed to. the babyfication making me lose my mind. in a Real Bad Way :////) that they crammed into this. It's like digging in the treasure chest of elaborate fanfics I was writing in my brain in freshman year of high school. The Sick and Twisted Evil AU Version of Duel Academy. The Trained to Be Weapons Child Soldiers. Mind Control Reanimated Corpse Brain Chip. Alternate Dimension Selves. All of the Split Different Dimension Bullshit. Soul Splitting and Soul Fusion Framed as Fucking Terrifying. It's good I didn't have Arc-V growing up it would have been doing IRREVERSIBLE THINGS TO MY DEVELOPING CREATIVE BRAIN. INSTEAD IT'S DOING THEM TO ME NOW.
(side note, re: terrifying soul fusion: Arc-V is SO FUCKING SCARY SOMETIMES?!?? Like "ohh i wish yugioh was still a horror story" DAWG ARC-V ROUTINELY HAS SOME OF THE MOST DREAD-INDUCING CONCEPTS GETTING FLUNG AT YOU AT 90 MPH. SKIP BOYLE FORGETS HIS DAUGHTER EXISTED AND IT'S ONE OF THE MOST HEARTBREAKINGLY HORRIFYING THINGS IVE EVER SEEEEENNNNN )
The shit Arc-V does with Yugioh's themes of identity, these "when does a piece of yourself stop being you and start being their own person?" "what happens when multiple free standing people are one person" type ideas, you KNOW that makes my Aporia Turbofan ass go CRAAAZYYYY. AND THEN IT HAD RELIGIOUS MOTIFS TOO <3333 YOU'RE ME AND IM YOU AND IT DOESNT MATTER WHO DOES WHAT THE DEVIL WILL COME BACK REGARDLESS 😊💞💞💞
Arc-V takes such bold swings at things and 95% of the time it misses the ball entirely and spins up and out and directly into the fireplace but that 5% of sheer genius and thematic weight hits like a truck. Is Arc-V good? FUCK IF I KNOW. PROBABLY NOT. BUT ALSO YES IT IS. BUT ALSO IT'S NOT. BUT ALSO IT'S SOMETHING SO SPECIAL, AND I LOVE IT. That first like 50 episodes makes for such a good yugioh starter course tbh, the way it goes over different summoning methods and is very engaging and energetic, and then the rest of the show is an 18 car pileup of Card Game War that makes me automatically like DONT. START WITH THIS ONE. WATCH ANOTHER YUGIOH OR TWO FIRST AND THEN COME MELT YOUR BRAIN IN HERE. AND THATS SUCH A WEIRD DICHOTOMY TO HAVE WITH ONE YUGIOH. weird like everything else with arc-v i suppose. :,)
For all the mess and all the madness there truly is so much I love, though. I love the character dynamics, even when the show isnt doing much more with its cast--Yuya and Gong's friendship may be one of my favorite 'yutag and best friend' bonds, it's SO sweet and I'm going to be mad forever that Gong isn't more popular in western ygo fandom. I love the DUEL MONSTERS!! Performapals are SOOOO sillygoofy I have to adore them, the dimensional dragons all kick so much ass I love you Clear Wing my big legless weirdo. I love Shay's increasingly bigger Bird Guns. I LOVE FRIGHTFURS!!!! I LOVE D/D/DS!!!!! SO HAPPY TO SEE THEM ON ESPECIALLY SCREEN AFTER PLAYING THEM FOR MONTHS IN DUEL LINKS. MY FREAKY DECLAN DEMONS. I love the miscellaneous callbacks to past iconic monsters and funky weird AU retrains of the Legacu character's decks. Scarlight Red Dragon Archfiend my friend Scarlight Red Dragon Archfiend
I also do love that Arc-V in theory is trying very hard to be a celebration of past Yugiohs, but it's also instead being completely fucking insane with its 'tributes.' Oh you like Heartland City from Zexal? It's a carpetbombed warzone now! LIKE... HUH!!! When Lazar showed up at the end of season 2 i SCREAMED. I WANT TO KNOW THE LOGIC OF THESE CHOICES. THEY DONT MAKE ME MAD OR ANYTHING REALLY IM JUST FASCINATED BY THEM. i cant really be too angry at arc-v I'm just. transfixed. at every baffling choice it's ever made. I've really truly never seen a show that's so thoroughly felt like some kids doing a roleplay on a forum somewhere, players dropping in and out and mods not really knowing what to do with the lore anymore as things become more and more convoluted. I watch arc-v scenes and i can picture the text RP in my head, the players' forum signatures and all. It's truly some kind of feat to achieve that inherent vibe, that's for sure.
ok im running out of steam i think... what else. god. Yugioh Arc-V is just.... such a teetering Jenga tower of a show, a complete nuclear meltdown of clumsy writing and fantastic vocal performances (dub and sub) and confused handling of its own lore and occasionally some of the fucking coolest most intense expressions and gorgeous shots of any yugioh
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I held out on watching it for so long cuz i just fuckin KNEW it was going to grab me by the brain and swing me into the wall and WELL!!! I WAS RIGHT!!!! SHES A MESS BUT SHES MY MESS BABEYYY!!! IS ARC-V GOOD? MAYBE NOT BUT, BROTHER, I FUCKIN LOVE WHEN YUGIOH IS BAD ❤ ive been a disciple of Bad Yugioh for 20 goddamn years and im not stopping now!!!!! I love you Pendulum summoning you insane busted ass mechanic. I love you all four completely fucked up dimensions. I love that they localized Maiami to Paradise City. I love the little nods to past yugioh things (like fusing with a motorcycle <3 Primo Moment...2!) I hate you Leo Akaba explode and die forever (though 'parent going mad trying to bring their child back' do also go me a little bananas.) I love the kickass shots of Yuya's monsters being set in the pendulum scale.I love Sora's relationship with Yuya and Zuzu. I love every fucked up crazyass expression Yuri makes. I love the sense of character design in this show. I love the Action Duel start chants. I love seeing the Synchro Math again and the Overlay Units and the deeply unsettling fusion hand gesture kids use with Polymerization. I love that third ED thats just the Lancers dicking around in different locations and having fun. I love Declan and Riley's complicated but deeply loving bond. I love when characters RIDE THEIR DUEL MONSTERS!!! AND I LOVE THAT DESPITE EVERYTHING I ALREADY WANNA SEE THESE CHARACTERS AGAIN. THEYRE MY FRIENDS!!!!! THEYRE IN MY BRAIN!!!!! MY KIDSSSSS
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I KNOW NOW. WHY PEOPLE TALK ABOUT ARC-V LIKE THAT. AND IM ABOUT TO START TALKIN LIKE THAT TOO. YUGIOHHHHHH!!!!!
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csanflower · 1 year
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“you drew stars around my scars”
pairing: experimented on! jungkook x experimented on! reader
powers au!, childhood besties au!, patients au!
genre: angst, fluff, sfw
wc: 5.9k
synopsis: meeting jungkook was like gazing up at the brightest star in the sky as you lay helpless on the cold ground in the dark night. you both found comfort in one another. you healed each other as you suffered through painful experiments together. the pain was bearable, with him by your side. whenever he was around, your smiles were brighter, your shoulders were lighter, and all your worries just seemed to disappear in an instant. good things don’t last though. you learned that the hard way.
OR
jungkook and y/n meet in the hospital both trying to be cured of their ‘disease’ (they have powers :O) and form memories along the way <3
tw: experiments on human (not detailed though), scars, gun
*inspired by ‘cardigan’ by taylor swift: “you drew stars around my scars” pls listen to it while u read this 🥹🥹(A/N: GONNA BE FIGHTING HARD FOR TICKETS TO ERAS TOUR THIS WEEK SO I WROTE THIS HOPING TO MANIFEST SOME TICKETS😭🙏🙏)
——
13 june, 2005
You monitored the pale, white room around you. White bed. White cupboard. White walls. You sighed in frustration. Your rainbow obsessed 7 year old brain screamed at you to add some colour to the walls. Note to self: Bring crayons to colour walls next time.
“Please…I will take care of her… don’t do this…”
Hearing the small familiar voice of your mother, your eyes lit up, and you climbed onto your white bed, propping your elbows onto the tiny window frame in the small room, peeking your small head out as you stared curiously into the other room. Your mother talking to a man in a white coat. They were having a serious conversation, and your mother seemed like she was about to cry. Why is mommy crying? Is she hurt? You thought to yourself, immediately jumping off the bed and running to the room next door to find your mother and comfort her.
The moment you entered the room your mother was in, you noticed she instantly wiped her tears away, trying to hide her tears from you.
“Hey sweetie, you like the room?” She plastered a smile on her face as she looked endearingly at you.
“It was alright. It could have more colour though. Next time I should bring my crayons and draw Bibi on it!” You let out a huge smile at the thought of Bibi, showing off your missing front tooth. Bibi was your imaginary friend. Picture a golden retriever, but covered in rainbows. Making friends were not exactly your specialty. For some reason, everyone called you a freak and did not want to talk to you, all because you were able to move things with your mind. And so you found comfort in your imaginary friend Bibi instead. He was the only one who understood you.
“Hey sweetheart, you’ll be staying here for a while, ok? It’s to make you better. Don’t worry, mommy will come back to visit when I can.” You could tell your mother was holding back her tears. It was the same face she made when daddy screamed at her and left us, or when she received a call that grandma died.
“W-why can’t mommy stay with me?” You felt tears brimming at your eyes as a sinking feeling appeared in your heart. You could feel that something bad was happening.
“Y/n, you are a danger to your mother. You need to stay here to get better-“ The doctor in the coat was cut off as I screamed out loud.
“NO! I WANT MY MOMMY! IM NOT GOING TO STAY HERE!” Your tears were overwhelming you as more people stomped into the room, grabbing your mother’s arms as she tried to grab you into her embrace. She had released her tears by now, sobbing uncontrollably. The people who stomped into the room grabbed her arms harshly, dragging her away from me and out of the door.
You felt your arms being pulled back by the doctor as you tried reaching out for your mother. You let out a frustrated scream, as your emotions ran rampage. The room around you started to shake and you unintentionally slammed everyone in the room against the hard wall — including your mother. Everyone except you fell hard to the ground as they hit the wall, all groaning in pain. You looked at your mother apologetically, then looked at your own hands in disgust. What have I done?
Your mother looks at you with one last glance, glossy eyes as she mouths to you ‘It’s ok, i love you’ The security people, as if unphased from the hit, immediately got up, containing their job as they dragged your mother forcefully out of the room. You didn’t dare to stop them. Not after what you did. You knew you were a monster.
“Do you see now, y/n? You’re a danger to everyone. If you want to be fixed, you will do the wise choice of cooperating with us so you can see your mother again.” The doctor got up slowly, looking at you with a cunning smile.
You gulped. You were scared. So, so scared and lonely. But you knew you had to do this. You had to get better. You had to make your mom proud. So you bravely nodded, agreeing to stay at the facility to get help.
2006
You never saw your mother again after that incident. You were unsure if she chose not to see you again because she thought you were a monster or if she was not allowed to visit you, but you sure hoped it was the latter.
You grew accustomed to the lifestyle. Everyday, your morning would be filled with ‘recreational activities’ like playing chess, but having to move the pieces with your mind, or doing basic commands with your powers that the doctors made you do. Afternoons were the worst. They would strap you into the terrifying pink chair in the ‘rainbow room’ and conduct experiments on your brain. For a room called ‘rainbow room’, it was certainly not full of rainbows. You would have to sit through hours of excruciating pain as the voices in your head overwhelmed you. There were so many needles, blood. But there was nothing you could do. None of the doctors cared for you. You had no one.
As time passed, you started getting used to the lifestyle. The food wasn’t bad, you had a chef that would make what you wanted, and servants that would get you what want. The only issue was the loneliness. You realised you were the only patient at the facility. Nobody ever talked to you. The guards, doctors and servants were not allowed to form a relationship with you. You had no one to talk to — except Bibi. But you knew Bibi wasn’t real. You weren’t a kid anymore - you had matured quickly from having to face the bitter reality. Bibi was merely your coping mechanism from the horrors of your daily life.
That was until he came along.
On 13 June, 2006, Jeon Jungkook, a 9 year old boy, was admitted into your facility exactly a year after your admittance. You were excited when you heard the news. You would finally have someone to talk to, someone to share your pain and to hang out with — a friend. Sadly, you did not hit it off as well as you expected it to. Jungkook was a shy, frightened boy, slightly shorter than you, eyes red and puffy probably from the amount of times he cried after being separated from his family. You felt for him. You were in the exact same situation as him a year ago, and you understood that he needed some private time to heal himself. He was definitely not in the mood for making friends. So you kept your distance for a while, not wanting to seem too desperate.
Until the night of his first experience in the ‘rainbow room’. You laid on your bed, reading the same book for the thousandth time as you sighed in boredom. Until you heard a sniffle in the hallway.
Curious, you stepped out of your room, not shocked to see Jungkook crouching into a little ball in the hallway outside his room, crying quietly. You could see the deep scars left on his left arm, the same ones you get daily from the experiments. You crouch down beside him softly, hesitantly patting his back as you tried to comfort him wordlessly. At first, he looked tense and uncomfortable at your touch, but he slowly eased into it as he saw the same scars on your arms. You inched closer to him, giving him a warm embrace as you cried together with him.
After that night, the two of you became closer. He realised that you were just like him. That he was not alone in his painful journey. And so started your friendship with Jungkook.
You soon realised Jungkook was more than a shy, frightened boy. He could be playful and kind at times, and he quickly became your close friend — more like only friend.
He painted your bleak childhood colourful with memories and fun moments. The two of you would make inside jokes about the staff there, laughing at how they always wore the same clothes and probably didn’t wash them, and joke over stupid things like whose powers were stronger or who was taller.
Yet despite all the jokes, the two of you placed deep trust in one another, comforting each other when the experiments got too harsh and painful, convincing each other that it would end some day. Mornings and afternoons of playfulness and fun ended in late nights of cuddling and crying together. This lifestyle became a norm for the two of you. But still it was tolerable, because you had each other.
2010
“Y/n, look what I found!” Jungkook ran into your room with a big, smug toothy grin on his face, hiding something behind his back.
“Did you finally find out where your room actually is? Because I’m starting to think you don’t know that since you’re always in my room.” You rolled your eyes playfully as you pretended not to be interested in what he actually brought.
His smile faltered for a second, processing your words, before he faked an angry frown, and pounced onto your bed that you were laying on, tickling you as revenge.
“Ok stop,” you giggled, “I was just kidding, tell me what you brought.” He finally stopped tickling you, pulling something from under his shirt behind his back, as he excitedly presented it to you.
You jaw dropped in shock as you immediately snatched it from his hand, staring at it in disbelief.
“That’s right! A full set of rainbow coloured crayons just for you!” Jungkook beamed with pride.
It was only the previous night that you admitted your obsession with rainbows to him, telling him stories about Bibi, and sharing about how you wished you could colour your room walls. You’ve been begging the workers for some sort of colour since you’ve arrived, but they never met your requests, saying that it was too “childish”. You couldn’t help but wonder how Jungkook managed to get it.
“I bet Bibi could have never gotten this for you, it just proved I’m a much better friend than him!”
You laughed at Jungkook’s statement. After telling him about Bibi, he had been so jealous that you had another friend other than him, even though you repeatedly told him numerous times that Bibi was an imaginary friend. However, you didn’t admit that you hadn’t talked to Bibi in a long time since you’d made friends with Jungkook. That would make his pride swell too much.
“How did you get it? The workers never ever let me get anything like this!” You were still in disbelief.
“Well, doctor choi has been wanting to do the new form of experiment on me since a few weeks back, and he said he would reward me with anything I wanted if I did it! So since I’m the bravest and coolest person ever, I did it today!” Jungkook said with a smug smile.
You frowned when you heard what he said. For the past few weeks, Jungkook had opposed greatly to doing the new format of experiments, since it was on a much larger scale than the previous experiments we had done. Our previous experiments usually ended in scars on our arms, but this new experiment was performed on the whole body. Jungkook had protested against it, because he was too afraid of needles. He had always been less receptive to pain than you. But why did he suddenly agree to do it today?
You looked down on Jungkook’s body, noticing new scars that were on his legs. He quickly tried covering them, saying, “It’s no big deal! It wasn’t even painful!”
You knew it had to be painful. The size of the scarring were just much larger than the usual. You pouted in guilt, hugging Jungkook tightly, “You didn’t have to do that! I bet it hurt so bad!”
“It’s fine, I just wanted to do something for you after all you’ve done for me…” He looked at you, face blushing slightly from your close proximity.
That night, the two of you didn’t sleep, colouring the plain walls with the crayons until dawn broke.
“Pfff. What is that supposed to be?” Jungkook muffled his laughter when he turned to see what you were drawing.
Frowning, you exclaimed, “It’s the galaxy! These are all the planets and all my beautiful stars!”
“Those are supposed to be stars?! They’re so ugly!” Jungkook joked with you.
You threw one of the crayons in his face, ignoring his comments. You didn’t care how ugly your drawing was, you loved seeing the sky and stars shining. Especially the stars. Stars were your favourite thing. Before you came here, you and your mother went stargazing every week, staring into the beautiful sky. Even though you probably would never be able to see them again since you weren’t allowed out of the building, you still held on to the hope that maybe one day you could have that chance again.
You stared at your galaxy for a while before turning over to Jungkook’s side to see what he was drawing.
You were shocked to realise that he was a much better artist than you. You inched closer to his side, smiling when you realised what he drew. A portrait of you and him together, on a lush green field, staring up into a sky full of stars. Although you never told him directly about your love for stars, you realised he must have guessed it from all the times you talked about them and tried drawing them. Your felt your heart beat a little bit faster at the thought of Jungkook being so attentive to your likes.
Your eyes trailed down to below the beautiful drawing to see a small writing below.
‘Y/n and Jungkook together forever!’
2015
As the years ticked by quickly, Jungkook started growing from a boy into a man. Once he hit puberty, he shot up like a tree and grew muscles. His featured became more defined and he grew out of his baby fat. You noticed that as Jungkook turned into a teenager, he had also turned more rebellious towards the workers, always unwilling to follow through their instructions and ending up getting punished. Yet he still stayed kind and sweet towards you, acting like the same 10 year old boy when he’s around you.
“One more time and we will not tolerate this anymore! You got it?”
Hearing the faint voice of doctor choi, you quietly get up from your bed and run to your door, peeking out softly, looking in the hallway.
Doctor Choi stood outside of Jungkook’s room in anger, scolding him. You could barely see Jungkook from your angle, only seeing half of his body.
“Ya, ya whatever. I won’t do it again.” Jungkook rolled his eyes and then slammed the door in Doctor Choi’s face, resulting in Doctor Choi stomping away in anger.
When you were sure Doctor Choi was out of sight, you quietly tip toed to Jungkook’s room, knocking on his door impatiently.
“What more do you want? I-“ Jungkook opened the door, annoyed.
When he saw you, he paused and his eyes softened.
“What did you do again? I was so worried when I couldn’t find you this morning! You have to start being more careful! These people have power over our entire lives! You can’t just act recklessly like this!” You immediately pushed past him and entered his room, sitting on his bed, as you looked at him angrily.
He carried a childishly guilty look, nervously scratching the back of his neck.
“I didn’t do anything bad! I just kind of sneaked out…”
“What!?? You tried sneaking out again?? Are you crazy? You could get into serious trouble-“
“I didn’t try, I did sneak out. I succeeded.” He said with a smug smirk on his face.
You paused your words in shock.
“Wait what? You sneaked out? Whats outside? Did you see the sky? How did you sneak out?” You bombarded him with questions.
He chickled slightly, sitting beside you in the bed.
“Chill, it’s mostly just greenery. But I found a really nice spot. I’ll take you there tonight.” He smiled gently at you.
You don’t know why you agreed with Jungkook’s ridiculous rebellious plan, but the thought of even a chance of being able to see the night sky again was just too tempting.
So now you and Jungkook were currently hiding in the vents, waiting for the right time to sneak out when nobody was looking. You sat rolled up in a circle beside Jungkook who looked noticeably more uncomfortable than you due to his size. The two of you were inches away from each other and you could feel your face heating up at the close proximity.
“This is really uncomfortable.” You muttered in the awkwardness.
He chuckled stating that it would be worth it.
Sure enough, he was right, as he usually was. When the workers were not looking, he quickly dragged you out of the vent as the two of you ran as quickly and quietly as you could to the spot he was talking about.
“Don’t open your eyes!” Jungkook placed his large hands over your eyes excitedly as he led you quietly to the spot.
You followed him blindly, placing your trust in him.
“OK! Open your eyes now!” You could hear the smile in his voice, excitedly opening your eyes.
When you peeled your eyes open, you stayed silent, in awe at the view you saw. The sky was pitch black, but the bright stars around twinkled in the dark. You felt like crying. You’ve been longing for this view for years. And now that you could see it in real life you didn’t know how to feel.
“I-It’s not the best view but I thought you would like it.” Jungkook said with a shy smile.
“It’s beautiful, Jungkook! I love it so much.” You were on the verge of tears, throwing yourself onto him as you embraced him tightly in gratitude.
You could feel him sigh in relief, hugging you back just as tightly.
“I’m glad you love it.”
The two of you sat on the field in silence, staring at the sky in awe. From your peripheral view, you noticed that Jungkook was looking at you the whole time.
“You should take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You joked with him as you turned to him momentarily.
“I really wish I could.” He replied.
You kept quietly, not expecting that response. The two of you stayed quiet for a while before you broke the silence.
“My mom used to bring me out to star gaze every week… I miss her so much.”
Jungkook looked at you in slight shock, not knowing how to reply. Though the two of you shared everything with each other, parents were not a topic you commonly discussed as it was pretty sensitive.
As silence engulfed the two of you again, you asked Jungkook, “Do you want a family when you grow up?”
“Yes, but only with the woman I love.” He stared intensely at you.
You looked back into his eyes, not knowing how to reply.
“Y/n, you are the one I lo-“
You cut him off quickly, pressing your finger onto his lips.
“Please don’t, I don’t think I can handle that.” You say apologetically, “I don’t deserve to be loved. My scars, they’re too ugly. I- I’m ugly. I don’t deserve love.” Your tears fumbled your words.
Jungkook’s eyebrows fumbled, his strong arms grabbing your arms gently, relentlessly pulling it towards him even as you tried your best to pull it away. He gently looked at your scars, rubbing onto them as he pulled them to his lips and kissed them gently.
“They’re beautiful y/n, everything about you is beautiful.”
Your tears started pouring as Jungkook looked at you with so much love and affection, kissing your ugly scars with so much care as if they were the most beautiful thing in the world.
“No they’re not, I can’t even look at them. It hurts, Jungkook. I hate everything about myself.” You leaned your head on his shoulders as you cried harder.
Jungkook hesitated for a moment, before grabbing something out from his pocket.
You almost laughed amidst your tears when you saw what he took out. A pink crayon. You remember giving that to him because you refused to use that colour in your drawings, stating that you hated that colour. (mostly because it was the colour of the chair in the rainbow room) As years passed and your crayons were used up, you never knew he had kept that crayon until this day, keeping it in his pocket like that.
You kept quiet as you watched him curiously. He grabbed your arms gently, drawing cute little stars around them.
“Look, now your arm is a cute little galaxy. It’s even more beautiful than the sky up there.” He smiled gently at you.
Looking at your arm now, you chuckled slightly as it did slightly resemble the universe above you. Jungkook used his fingers to wipe away the tears below your eyes.
“Since I kissed your scars, don’t you think you should kiss mine too?” He smirked.
You laughed, tears dissipating as you bent down and kissed the scars on his arm as well. You grabbed the pink crayon, drawing stars around his scars as well. You frowned when you realise his little universe didn’t look nearly as nice as yours.
“Wow you’re trying to make my scars uglier with your ugly stars.” He teased you.
This time, instead of throwing the crayon into his faces, you smiled endearingly as you leaned your head onto his chest, savouring as much as you could of this sweet moment.
“Jungkook… sorry for cutting you off just now. In fact, I-I actually love-“
Just as you were about to confess, you were suddenly interrupted.
“Jeon Jungkook! I told you no more sneaking out! This is it! You will be punished! Grab her!”
You felt yourself being pulled away from Jungkook’s side as two strong men grabbed both sides of your arms.
“Let go of me!” You tried pushing yourself off and using your powers but you were too weak after the experiments this week.
“Stop! Let go of her now!”
You’ve never seen Jungkook this mad before. Jungkook used his powers, twisting the heads of the two men holding you, making them crumble on the floor with blood gushing out of their eyes. You looked at Jungkook in shock.
Before you could run away, more men appeared, grabbing you once again, other men grabbing onto Jungkook.
At this point, you were a sobbing mess and the both of you were unable to escape since Jungkook’s powers were too weak from attacking the two men.
Jungkook was fuming, struggling in the grip of the two men, as he repeatedly shouted, “Don’t hurt her! Please! Let her go!”
You could feel yourself getting weaker as the men holding you placed a device onto your arm, draining your energy.
“This is your punishment, Jungkook. You’ll never see her again.”
That was the last thing you heard before you blacked out.
——
2016
You barely saw Jungkook again after that. They moved his room into another wing, and held his experiments elsewhere. You were back to 2005, lonely and depressed.
The only times you heard of Jungkook were through overhearing gossips from the workers.
“He caused a ruckus again, asking to see y/n. “
Your heart ached, longing to see him once again as well, and also concerned that he would be punished for being uncooperative.
You started focusing more on following the doctor’s instructions, with the hope that you could rid of your powers quickly so you could be released together with Jungkook. You were starting to see hope, everyday your powers were slightly diminishing and becoming weaker as you focused diligently during your experiments. Although as your powers grew weaker, you noticed you were becoming weaker as well. You’d lost a bit of weight and strength. But that didn’t falter you. You were too determined on losing your powers and escaping the facility.
Every morning, you would wake up to the fading drawing of you and Jungkook together watching the sky, bringing you back to the memory of that cursed night. Nights ended with you daydreaming on what could have been if you guys weren’t separated. You just wished you could have seen him one more time.
You didn’t know that your wish would have came true so soon.
It was 2am at night. You were lying on your bed, staring at the stars you had drawn on your ceiling with the crayons Jungkook gave years back. When someone entered your room quietly.
“Y/n, I have no time to explain. You have to come with me now.”
You looked up, shocked at the familiar voice. Sure enough, it was Jungkook in the flesh. He had an anxious look on his face, as if he was in a rush.
“W-what? How?” You didn’t know how to react after seeing him for the first time in so long. He looked the same from the last time you met him, except he grew buffer and more handsome. You looked at his arms, realising he still had pink stars that looked like the ones you drew around his scars. You assumed that he had traced over the stars when they started to fade so that they would stay intact. You let out a small smile at that.
He grabbed your wrist tightly, dragging you out of your room in a rush as he kept looking around for workers. You were still in a state of shock, unable to say a word as you followed him. When he was sure no one was in the hallway, he dragged you into the janitors room, closing the door.
He turned to you, glossy eyes looking at you as if you were the only thing that mattered in his life.
“I missed you so much.”
“Me too.”
The two of you stood in silence for a few seconds until Jungkook remembered why he came to find you.
“Look, y/n, we have a chance to escape. No, we need to escape. I found out something about the facility here. They have no plans to actually cure us, they can’t. They plan to have us stay here forever, to contain us and weaken us so we can’t escape. They’re afraid of us, y/n. And they can kill us at any time. They couldn’t kill us previously because the government did not allow it with the public watching. But with time passing, I overheard them saying that the public is forgetting and the government gave them the green light to kill us anytime we prove we’re a threat. We need to go, y/n.”
You knew this time it wasn’t a joke. Jungkook had never put on such a serious face before, and you could only nod at whatever he was saying. It was weird, the way you trusted him so easily. But he was the only person in your life who ever truly understood you and supported you. Maybe that was why you agreed to easily to whatever he said.
“W-when do we leave?” Your mind was still confused at how fast things were escalating. A moment ago you were just about to fall asleep, and now you were about to escape from the only place you’ve been in for the past few years of your life.
“Now.”
You followed him quietly as the two of you entered the vent you’d once been in. Memories of that horrible day came into your mind, but you pushed them away. Despite having an inkling that something about his plan could go wrong, you tried ignoring that thought, hoping it would be a success and that the two of you could actually leave together.
The two of you crawled through the vent, going a different route from the previous time. When he stopped abruptly, you stopped as well, waiting for his instructions. Looking down from the vent through the tiny holes, you realised you were above the main entrance of the building, the same entrance you and your mother had walked through the first time you entered.
You held your breath at the memory of that day. You hadn’t seen this door since that day in 2005 since it was always blocked off by guards and lots of protection. You felt heartbeat increase, maybe there really was hope at an escape.
“Ok on my signal you follow me and jump down, alright?” Jungkook turned around to look at you as he whispered. You nodded determinedly in response.
When Jungkook mouthed the word ‘now’ to you, he kicked off an opening on the vent and jumped down onto the floor as you followed along. As you jumped down, you stumbled slightly, but Jungkook caught you, steadying you with his arms.
“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” The guards, who had been on break took notice of us and ran after us from a few meters away.
“Run!”
Jungkook grabbed your arm tightly, pulling you along with him as the two of you ran for your lives out of the building.
As you ran, you started panicking as all you could see around you were greenery. But then hope came again when you could see a town with people and buildings in the far distance. There was a chance the two of you could make it.
You ran harder, locking hands with Jungkook as you both ran towards the town.
Bang!
The sound of the gunshot resonated through the forest. You didn’t feel any pain. But that made you feel worse. Because you knew it was Jungkook that had been shot.
“Shit…” Jungkook groaned in pain as he grabbed onto his stomach, blood gushing out.
Despite the pain, he didn’t give up, dragging you to a blind spot in the forest behind a tree where no one could see the two of you.
You placed him gently on the floor as tears flowed down your eyes uncontrollably.
“No…no, please…” You muttered as you tried putting pressure on the wound.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Go. Go without me.” He said with little energy.
“No! No… I’m not leaving you here.” At this point you could barely see anything, everything blurred from your tears.
“You have to go now y/n… please… I love you so much…” He said with tears.
“Sorry, y/n, I didn’t want to show you my new power this way, but I have no choice.” He said weakly.
You were confused for a moment, until he grabbed onto your arm and said, “You will run as fast as you can to the town there and not look back once. And you will never ever return to this place.”
Instantaneously after his command, your legs stood up without your will and ran towards the town.
“W-wait! Jungkook! I love you! Stop this now! Please! I’m begging you!”
Your words were no use, your legs following Jungkook’s command as you couldn’t even look back to give a final glance at him.
When you reached the town, you broke down on the street immediately, wanting to run back to help him, but you physically couldn’t.
2018
Healing was hard. Especially without Jungkook. But eventually you moved on, like you always do. After escaping, you found a small job as a cashier at a convenience store, becoming close friends with the old grandma who owned the store. Your income was not a lot, but it was enough for three meals a day and rent for a small apartment. You went on that way for about 2 years, until realising you were too lonely and needed a new companion. And so you adopted an 8 year old golden retriever who had previously been used for animal testing. The moment you saw the scars on his frail little body, you broke down and sobbed at the adoption drive in front of dozens of people. You knew at that moment that he was yours. You named him Jeon Bibi.
13 June, 2020
“Jeon Bibi! The park is this way, where are you bringing me to?” You chuckled at your dog’s cute behaviour as he excitedly dragged you away to the opposite direction of the park you usually walked to.
“Ok, ok you’re the boss, i’ll follow you.” You smile affectionally at him as you trail behind him, curious to find out where he was bringing you to.
When Bibi came to an abrupt stop, you realised that he stopped behind the tall silhouette of a man’s back. You looked up curiously at the man, wondering why Bibi brought you to him. The man whipped around when he felt Bibi sniffing his hands.
You felt your breath hitch as the familiar man turned around, staring deeply into your eyes. For a moment, time stopped. Your eyes turned glossy as years of memories flashed passed your mind in an instant, the walls you’ve built around your heart demolishing in a split second. Your eyes trailed from his slightly longer, curlier black hair down to his large brown doe eyes, and to his pink lips, adorning a new lip piercing. You brought your eyes down to his body, noticing he became even buffer and taller. Then your eyes reached his arms and you felt your heart stop, looking at the scars that you once rubbed, kissed, newly decorated by familiar stars that were now permanently inked onto his skin.
He seemed equally shocked as he stared at you, tears brimming his widened eyes.
You both didn’t move an inch, staring into each other’s eyes. You were the first to break the silence.
“I thought you said my stars were ugly.”
He broke into laughter amidst his tears at the fact that that was your first comment after meeting him. You could feel your heart squeeze at his laughter. God, you missed him so, so much. You found yourself laughing along to his contagious laughter. For a moment, it felt like the two of you were 10 again, laughing without any worries.
“Y/n, everything about you is beautiful, even your ugly stars.” He ceased his laughter, small smile on his face as he looked at you intensely, years of memories hidden behind those eyes.
He paused for a second, hesitating before confessing.
“Y/n, I love yo-“
Before he could finish, you cut him off by taking a step closer to him and smashing your lips against his. He instantly melted into the kiss, grabbing you tightly, scared you would be separated again. You hugged him back tighter, reassuring him that the two of you would stay together forever.
After all, he was your star, your salvation, the one who made you love your scars, the one taught you acceptance and love, the one who made living worth it.
A/N: I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭Ifeel so attached to them i cant do this rn i’m so sad. if u don’t understand the last part basically he REMEMBERED THE SHAPE OF HER STARS AND GOT A TATTOO OF THEM EVEN THOUGH HE HATES NEEDLES OK 😭😭😭😭ok but actually this piece was a bit of a rush since i wanted to quickly post it before my great war so it may be a bit incomplete at parts ANYWAYS PRAY FOR MY GREAT TICKETING WAR TMR🙏🙏THANKS LOVELIES FOR READING and do give comments if u can because i love reading feedback <3
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paviastrashyrings · 8 months
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*slams my hands on the table*
Finally, there's more Pavia liker here in tumblr and I been waiting for someone making Pavia contents/fanfics, yet you gib meh a delicious pavia content.
Speaking of Pavia, Can I have a request for him? I'm not sure if you heard his backstory but feel free to decline this request!
What if Pavia finally met his childhood best friend (crush) in his past? Who always been there for him in dark and gloomy times in his childhood? But finally met again as they grow up, would Pavia still have the love for reader when he met them again? And would they spend more time together than before in the past? What would that be?
*Grabs le a mic on you*
What an interesting ask; to answer your question dear reader, I know some of his lore. The basement in piedmont, the reason he was there. If there is anything I have not learned, I would be happy to learn more.
With such out of the way, dear readers, join me now in yet another sweet dream of the wolf and his pack.
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A childhood crush is hard to come by when you're stuck in a basement for majority of what most would call childhood.
but little tiny you, leaving gifts you found at the only window that the basement had or dropping flowers and whatever trinkets you found out in the wilds.
slowly, he took notice and decided to try and speak to you.
You were so kind, and it felt so wonderful to finally have some kind of attention after all of this time without human interactions.
The day he disappeared, you thought he had died with not so much as a goodbye. You mourned, not knowing how to handle the loss of a friend.
as you grew older, you continued to carry a small bundle of dried and pressed petals from the flowers you used to show him. They sit neatly in a little pendant around your neck.
You were walking along, out on a small grocery run when you heard a voice that sounded oddly familiar.
You look around, clutching your pendant until your eyes land on him.
who..no that couldn't be who you thought it was. "Excuse me, sir" you'd try to at least get a better look at him. He couldn't possibly be who you thought it was, could it? "You're excused, can't you see im in the middle of-" and he stops, eyes filled with a strange familiarity as they land on you. He held a sweet in his hand, wrapped nicely in a box, it seems he was about to indulge. "I just had to ask," you start timidly, seeing the man sit in shocked silence. You open your pendant, the petals of flowers you used to show the little boy in the basement still pristine. "Do you know what flowers these petals belong to?"
To say he was shocked was an understatement, staring at the petals with wide eyes through his tinted glasses.
"Is it really you Pavia? After all these years?" youd ask, the realization dawning on him almost as soon as you said his name.
"Goodness, look at how much you've grown. I thought the day that my gifts weren't met with happy chatter, you had died." You'd continue, being unable to read the emotions he felt through his expression.
"I missed you; i missed you dearly in fact. I carried these everyday because I wanted to keep you with me" without saying a word in response to any of your rambling, he took your face in his hands.
He stared you down, as if trying to see if it really was you, he even leaned in and sniffed you as if he were a dog.
He was wary, but the more you spoke of the gifts you would show him and the nights you would talk to him through the one window he had in the basement, he started to believe you more.
The fact that you said you missed him? That you carried something that reminded you of him? He could cry, he didn't think that anyone doing that simply because they thought of him dearly was even possible.
He would love to catch up, first asking if you remembered what the names of his imaginary friends were.
If you answered with Tonika, Leon, Maleficent, Andrea, and Peter: well he automatically knew that you really were missing him.
Happy that you remembered, would absolutely pester you to hang out whenever you possibly could.
You got him a matching pendant, but it was empty. You had insisted that he put something in there that reminded him of you, so he could carry it around like you did with the petals.
Internally melting, externally grumbling about it being so much work.
He did it anyways, wears it religiously. Inside was a single piece of opal small enough to fit, it made him think of how bright you were.
He looks at it sometimes, but is more proud to wear it around knowing that yours matches.
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crying, your honor please just let me love him gently Goodness, all of you have been so wonderful with your requests in my inbox!! I really wasnt expecting these to be so well received but I love writing them and I will do my best to get them all out to you asap! I digress, come dream with me some other time. From your Beloved, Moon.
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lostinvasileios · 5 months
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im very sorry for asking this and please ignore it if its too much but,
have you.... ever been... su1c1d4l during your journey? did it... i dont know, ever make your deities feel... disrespected? like, you cant stop feeling so depressed and hopless and it just sort of hurts them? something like that? im sorry i dont know how to phrase it
thank you for reading this im so sorry if it triggered you or anything
Greetings, sweetbee. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, please, don't feel worried about reaching out to someone about this. I'm happy to help. 🩷🩷
Okay, so... Baby bee, it doesn't hurt deities when you feel depressed. When you battle suicidal thoughts. Or anything else that falls under those categories. Self harm, abusive environments, ect. They don't expect you to live for them, they don't expect you to suddenly become happy and for your mental illnesses &/or struggles to just pop out of existence because you're now worshiping or practicing.
Because they understand it.
I believe gods were once human a few times. I believe that gods understand the conditions, the harm, the - well - everything. They aren't going to approach your vulnerability with demands.
Now... I did struggle with it. I still do from time to time. I dealt with suicidal thoughts and depression since I was in the 2nd grade. And, in no way did it ever... Harmfully impact my relationship with my deities. My self harming never made them disgusted, they never judged me for the ways I'd cope, for the triggers I had, for the needs they met during my toughest times.
Yes, you can live for a deity or deities. I actually do it. It saved my life. But it's optional. And they won't feel - betrayed, or something like that because you cannot say with certainty you'll live for them. That you'll survive for them.
I didn't have a reason to keep living, I didn't see one. And that's why my deities became it. That's why we swore it to one another. Not out of obligation, not out of fear of them being hurt from otherwise.
In my experience, the only hurt I've seen from my deities regarding my mental issues and ect, was - well - the pain it caused me. It pained them to see me in pain. But it didn't make them want to leave me, it didn't make them irritated or feel disrespected because I cried in their presence. They didn't feel disrespected when I had so many fears and doubts that I for a long time couldn't even believe they were really... Real.
Deities know the difference from fear, from sorrow and pain speech, to disrespect and blatant hateful speech. They know your intentions, even if you yourself do not.
It can hurt your deities when they witness their beloved going through such a hard time. When they see them going through abuse, torment, and inflicting that pain on themselves, or seeing it as they deserved it/ect.
Deities want you to live a life that makes you happy, that's - healthy and loving for you. For your soul. They don't want to see their loved devotee/practitioner off themselves, to cut or starve themselves, to punish themselves for what other people did to them or what they feel is deserving of doing so. If that makes sense. They want to help. To be there. To try and let you see that you are lovable, that there is a life out there for you, that - you're worth it.
Apollon witnessed my depression firsthand when I started practicing. He didn't scowl at me when I was crying my heart out. Snotting and gasping, just - being a very big mess in front of him. He didn't see me as weak or as disrespectful. In fact, I've found out that deities - enjoy it. Well, not seeing you so upset, of course. But they enjoy that you trust them enough to do that with them.
To let yourself be so - raw. To feel these deep, stabbing emotions around them. From what I've experienced, they love being able to comfort their sweet ones. They love being able to tenderly hold them and shower them in kisses &/or kind words. To - reassure them.
Apollon listened to my vents night after night, he held my hands and let me know I was heard. I was - seen. I was loved.
Despite how much I feared love, despite how much I thought nobody would ever be able to understand, my deities showed me just that. Understanding, love, care, gentleness, and everything else I thought I never deserved. Especially not from beings so beautiful and perfect in my eyes.
You don't need to be scared to show your emotions around your deities. To show them your wounds. To - show them your pain. Just as, you don't need to be afraid to show them your happiness. Your interests. Your safe spaces.
Your deities want to be there for you, I promise. 🌼
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basimdasasonst · 2 months
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tos spock: logic may be a philosophical path that i have dedicated much of my life to the path of -- as far as considering and almost completing kolinahr -- but it does not make me all that i am. i am a person outside of my physicalities, with wants, needs, and other such things that i can allow myself through the cracks of my teachings
snw spock: did u know im a vulcan. only half tho ... raagaghaahhah ... (meek noises of protest against his humanity)
no. but seriously. on that ... thing of an snw s3 recap: others have divested much more time and energy into talking about vulcan philosophy vs biology (and there's a plethora of very good takes about it if you do only the most minor of searching) so i won't harp on the matter, but i want to step back and observe the writing and characterisation beyond the colossal fuck up that is -- well, their disintegration of vulcan culture/complexities.
[i'll -- try to keep this brief but no promises. i did spend 2000 words ranting about how badly they did spock so, brevity thy name is not basimdasas]
let me just. let's just pretend we can get over the fact they mixed biology with philosophy. let's just let that slide for a second. why -- and i cannot stress this enough -- the fuck do (pike, uhura, la'an, chapel -- i'll call them fake vulcans for my own sake) the fake vulcans talk the fucking same ... ? moreover -- why are they the same person -- logical. Purely Wholey Logical (trademark). if you transcribed the text of the 5 minute episode we were given and took out the dialogue tags -- they're. they're all the same person. you cannot tell who's talking, maybe through context clues. Guys. (shakes the writers really hard, enough to give an adult shaken baby syndrome) VULCANS HAVE PERSONALITIES TOO. i've felt a small undercurrent of this in the previous seasons but it feels directly amplified to me now -- spock's "humanity" is -- is his personality. They're making his personality his humanity. dude.
let me put it this way: you put two nihilists in a room. they've grown up in different ways, in different places, and were introduced to nihilism by their parents who also believed and practised in the philosophy. you let them talk. they're going to disagree, they might even get angry at the other. they'll agree. if there is something inherently correct that they can both acknowledge, they will have different viewpoints of tackling the concept -- based not just on the objective teachings, but the environment they grew up in, their communities, their parents, and their own personal traits. now let's take them out of the box. you compare the two at a distance: one likes grape smoothies, the other likes peach. one is a morning person, one is not. one is a competitive swimmer. one works in an office. they both find relative comfort from their jobs, even if in different ways. they are both nihilists. yet, inextricably, they are different in many ways.
ONLY VULCANS WHO HAVE UNDERGONE KOLINAHR WOULD LACK EMOTIONS. VULCANS STILL HAVE EMOTIONS THEY JUST TAMP THEM DOWN.
ok. calm. i'm drawing a tad on my experience as a trans man with gender here, but there are some things about us that are fundamental to our being that we are inherently drawn to for various reasons, i believe. i mean, that's what personality is, in a severe nutshell. that's why we have assholes who continue to be assholes (garner pleasure from it, usually). people who continue to let themselves get stepped over (never learned to stand up for themselves, environmental factor, or is afraid, or what have you). people who learn from their mistakes (ambition, or an intense desire for personal growth. where does this desire come from? changes per person. it's never the same). people who don't. kind people. mean people. we can change our personalities (with heavy work), but they are as much a product of emotion as they are environment, personal wants, personal needs, etc. everyone is built different (lol, but literally) -- and there really are truly some things we cannot just -- purge, by a point. example: i know in my heart that i am not a woman. i gravitate towards anger. i have never been good at history, no matter the angle i tackle it from. there will never be a day where i read the fine print of a legal document. i could become good at history, i am fixing my anger, but i will always naturally gravitate right where i want to be, and right where i need to be. i will always understand numbers better than words, because that's -- just how my brain works. my memory might always be a little wonky. this is all ok. fuck, it might not be logical that i'm so utterly useless at history, and sure i can work to change it, but i will always find myself more comfortable and more at ease in physics with the same amount of work. the logical thing from there is to just accept my weaknesses and move with my strengths. see where i'm going with this? and sure, i can definitely change most of my personality, but it's hard. sometimes that effort is good sometimes it's not. we have natural tendencies. we have different wants, different needs. and by the universe do we not all share the same body -- we will amble around in our flesh suits differently. my gait will be different than yours; it is no less of a walk.
anyway. tangent aside. short story -- we gravitate to things. that's natural. that's logical. diversity of a species is logical -- especially for society.
now, vulcans, in my heart of hearts, are definitely more subtle about these things because, you know, surak, but. if every vulcan was the same and had the same inherent -- wants, needs, interests, subdued emotions, way of headbutting logic -- then you have a society of mirrors. snw is trying to make vulcan society a society of mirrors.
pike is caring. la'an is quiet, strict, efficent. uhura, also, is caring but in a different way to pike. chapel is enthusiastic. by embracing suraks teachings and (magically, mysteriously) acting in accordance to them fully, they are effectively tamping down their greater feelings. not completely ridding of them. despite the fact that vulcan!pike would logically find no sense in compassion, he would also find no sense in cruelty. he is, to his heart, a compassionate person because he has made himself one. one philosophical revelation wouldn't remove decades of that. sure, he might tamp it down, but he'd still be more compassionate than anything else. he would not be cruel for logic's sake -- even if, yes, there's only "4.5 vulcans", logically -- he wouldn't say that. he wouldn't fucking say that because he is kind hearted and though it's true, it would feel "illogical to point out" -- he is good with people. has been for the duration of the show, and probably a good majority before that. he'd understand the emotions of others regardless, he's very perceptive. he'd see spock flinch at "a half". he'd roundabout it in that way that tos spock loved to do -- talk in half truths. "5 people to beam down" is not wrong. it is imprecise but not wrong. (bones voice) goddammit, they're not all the same damn stereotypical rude vulcan asshole. i haven't read surak's teachings but i severely doubt he said, at any point: "harp on an unnecessary fact to be a total douchebag as often as vulcanely possible".
this goes for everyone too -- la'an is more the silent efficent type. why would she feel the need to say ... much of anything to the effect? spock knows he's half vulcan. everyone does. what the fuck does it bring to the table to reiterate it? nothing.
you're doing the jj abrams special: creating conflict where they should be none, and ignoring a greater place to create conflict. seriously, even if i do believe the whole thing about genetics that chapel does (WHICH! BY THE WAY! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IT'S BEEN MENTIONED/PLOT RELEVANT SINCE 1X01!) why is spock not, instead, helping them regulate their emotions? why are they not like pre-reform vulcans? why not use this to help us stir a bit in spock's head instead of using an out that isn't "making spock the butt of the joke". why can't he show vulcan!kindness as he's so often showing in tos. mf let me into that writers room i just want to talk i ju-
also, the dialogue was super cringy. sorry, it was. i say this as a writer who has written super cringy dialogue before and occasionally does so now. it was cringy. i've written better at the age of 12 in the margins of my maths notebook while bored out of my mind. some of these lines made me tense up. misplaced, or corny, or so severely out of character that it gave me a genuine headache by minute 2 of 5, or what have you: t'was cringy. so so so bad.
i -- selfishly, almost -- hope that it's not too late to go back and fix it, but since filming has long wrapped up -- well. it's probably a moot point, but i'm deeply annoyed. again, i really want to like snw, but everything "spock" (and, by extension, vulcan) has been butchered so badly that watching the show is rather like reading a fic you really like with one tag that just ruins the whole thing. like you'll stick it out, but begrudgingly, and not with a lot of joy in your heart because of -- i don't know, some weirdly prevalent "daddy kink".
tl;dr -- we are not just a product of the objective teachings of our beliefs, and vulcans are not only reflections of surak's teachings.
snw writers: please kick jj abrams out of your writing room. he's not doing you any favours
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humdinky · 10 months
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i love pixar's turning red. it is such a good representation of girls at that age. they don't shy away from depicting the awkward and weird parts. it is so rare to see a movie depict girls and their silly interests without condemning or judging them. they just let the girls be girly, noisy, and silly.
fuck the hate this movie got on its release. i could go on for hours about society's uniquely shitty attitude towards teenage girls and their interests. there are countless examples. remember the feverish hate for twilight, a series aimed exclusively at young women? what about the hunger games? teenage girls were the first ones to fall in love with elvis and the beatles, and critics treated them like a joke. that is, until adult men started liking them. funny how that works. justin bieber fans, one direction fans, vsco girls, girly girls, tomboys, emo girls, indie girls, bookworms. you will see every single type of girl being made fun of for every conceivable interest a human being can have.
at a certain age you feel forced to make an arbitrary choice. lean into your feminine side and continue to get mocked for 'being shallow', 'only caring about your looks', 'being annoying' etc. or lean into your masculine side and get called a pick-me or told that you just want to get with their guy friends. you like things that are popular? you’re basic. you like things that aren’t as popular? you’re trying too hard. it is the entire reason why so many girls internalize this misogyny, why they start saying things like "im not like other girls."
i certainly wasn't immune to that trap. i didn’t fit the mold and got ostracized for it. the only validation i received for the longest time was from boys, when i turned my anger back on girls and girlhood. i was sold that narrative so many times that i wore it like some sort of badge of honor. it took years to unlearn. i feel sad when i look back on my younger self. i was so sad, so angry, and so scared all the time.
we get insulted for being happy. we get insulted for being sad. we get insulted for being mad that we were insulted for being sad. we get insulted for trying to forget what happened and act happy again. we get insulted for feeling hopeless. they beat the confidence out of you very early.
and it angers me how the emotions of teenagers as a whole are so often neglected. when you're around that age and grappling with big emotions, you've quite literally never felt anything that strongly before. a failed test, a best friend's betrayal, being cut from a sports team. it all feels like a rejection of your entire person, your entire being. you haven't lived that many years yet, and it's the first time you've felt this horrible. you don't have anything to compare it to, and it feels like nobody else could have ever survived feeling this bad before.
it's not petty teenage drama. it's not immaturity. it is a normal human reaction to the worst pain you've experienced, and it is happening at a time when your body is going haywire and your feelings feel impossible to control. you don't know how to cope with it, you can't possibly know, because it's the first time you've had this bottomless well of pain tearing you up inside. you can't look back at previous times you've felt this way to reassure yourself that it will be okay eventually. the first time is the worst and hardest and you have no resources to get through it yet.
a lot of adults scoff at and dismiss the feelings of teenagers. "you're young, you'll get over it"' they've decided that because you haven't dealt with this feeling before that you must be overreacting. sometimes you are, and sometimes you're reacting exactly how any adult would. it's an absolutely shitty thing to express to anyone. a teenage girl's pain is not any less real than a 50 year old's pain. so what if it will get better? it doesn't matter that it isn't going to be the worst thing that ever happens; it matters that right now it very much is the worst thing that's happened.
yes, teenagers overreact over a lot of things that aren't as important as they feel. as if adults, who don't even have the excuse of inexperience with deep emotions, don't? no one should ever dismiss someone else's pain regardless of their age or circumstances.
​im turning 20 in a few months. find the small joys of life, and don’t you dare let anyone take them away from you. if there is a teenage girl reading this, i love you, i am sorry, and it does get better.
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robbierants · 2 months
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Black Butler Rant: Alois Trancy, hate, Mental illness, and Gender roles? Spoilers for season two of the show
IM NOT HATING ON ANY OF THE CHARCTHERS
Ive done a rant on Alois b4 but idc
Alois trancy seems to be hated for various reasons, i’ve heard fans talk about what an awful character he is. He’s a whore, he’s selfish, abusive, evil ect. The curious thing is all the Black Butler Characters are immoral, only about two or three aren’t. And Alois isn’t the cruelst, or most hard hearted of any of the characters shown on Black Butler. Madam Red is Jack the Ripper, The Count Druit selling people on the black market, and Agni was a criminal who slaughtered people just becuse he had class issues. Now maybe these characters aren’t that popular, but i know of three very amoral characters who are loved by the fans who can’t stand Alois.
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My one and only Love, Grell is a comedic phycopath, who murdered Madam Red, her lover, for refuseing to kill Ciel. But humor aside lets take a look at her personality, She is completly selfish, vain and takes stalking and ignoreing consent to a whole new level. Will sleep with anything that moves demon dogs included, Remember she was ready to help Ciel, becuse he promised to let her do what she wanted to Sebastian. The guy who hates and is repulsed by her. She even says dispite her feelings for Sebastion she’d hack him up and is completly serious when she says it. Grell has never showed remorse regret or compassion for anyone or anything, she has no redeeming qualities, but people still love her (including me)
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2) Sebastian- Lets ignore how hot he is, although fan girls and gays do realize he’s a mutilated crow right? Another Amoral character! he is a demon who is preying on a child, seasoning his soul so he can simply have a good meal. Sebastian smirks at Ciel’s suffering and pain constantly. Manipulates and lies when it suits him and enjoys squishing humans who have no chance aginst him like bugs. In season two he violated Ciel’s trust lied to him, and once Ciel was a demon and had no soul Sebastion killed him. Proving the only warm feelings Sebastian has are toward kitties.
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Lastly Ciel himself! he’s saddistic, cold, cruel and willing to sacrifice whats left of his family and freinds for revenge to avenge his pride. He has already killed two people and ordered the deaths of many more. Shows no remorse and will let his Demon be abused to suit his purposes or will pimp him out.
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All these characters have personality traits Alois has been accused of or warped into by fanfiction. He does in fact share these same traits with other characters so why are they loved for them, while he’s hated? I think it has to do with gender roles and the idea of people being unable to accept, what they do not percieve as normal behavior. People hate what they don’t understand.
It all starts with media, years of watching boys and men in fiction shug off every trauma and abuse, and remain unaffected by it has made viewers forget. In real life Boys who go through half the things they go through in movies, books, and television would end up completly messed up.
Media and society stresses this idea of manly strength boys, don’t get hurt, boys don’t cry! boys can take anything! Any boy who can’t is weak.
Hence, complete contempt for Alois Trancy’s character, who gets hysterical when the lights go off and cries a lot and gets scared.
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He’s very emotional, needy and immature in contrast the Ciel, who’s cold detachment, apparent machurity and calm disposition reflects the manly ideal. Ciel goes around ordering Sebastion to kill people and in fiction male characters are judged by their willingness to weild power.
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Alois has power but would rather have Claude as an freind then a slave. Plus Alois likes blue bells, wears frilly nightgowns, dresses up as a girl and likes soft girly colors like pink and purple and his disreguard for gender roles and implied sexuality is bound to make anyone who’s homophobic or insercure uncomfortable. He dosen’t care about dignity, money or power like Ciel, he instead wants comfort, safety and love.
Alois is mentally ill so his behaviors and mood swings scare people, and make them feel uncomfortable, much like how people react when confronted with real mental illness. Its easier to judge then to understand.
When people see someone like Alois they feel resentful and feel the need to put them in their place.
They scream "Stop acting like that!” But thats why I love Alois. Throughout the show he was told by everyone, that he was filthy and worthless, crazy and weak, that his emotions were wrong, hell even his demon Butler Claude told him, he was unworthy becuse he loved him.
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Everyone around him perfers the cold detached almost inhumane Ciel Phantomhive. Only Hannah Annafellows accepts and loves Alois for who he is, faults and all. She helps Alois triumph in the end and in the end its he who controls the fates of the oh so perfect Ciel, and both demons.
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In the end he wins the game becuse he embraces his emotions and turns them into a strength beating the more manly, cold, detached, and more popular characters. Claude is also really detatched cold and calculateing and Sebastian simply uses emotion to manipulate people, underneath the mask he’s also pretty chilly.
This makes some fans angry becuse Alois character not only challanges social and gender roles with his behavior but succeeds even when it seems he’d been crushed like a bug. Grell is aloud to have the same behaviors as Alois and viewers are fine with it, becuse Grell is a trans women.
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Women are suposed to be passionate and emotional according the the sterotype.
Or maybe i’m over thinking it and fans just hate Alois becuse he’s going against Ciel and they like Ciel and he put Sebastian out by makeing him unable to eat Ciel’s soul. And maybe people just love Grell because of her big chain saw. I don’t know for sure those were just my thoughts on the matter.
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