#im really scared of hate aha

[gurorori]

🥺

[crabs-nonsense]

Guys. Depression. *melts into the floor*

[astrxealis]

good eve hope u all r well 😇😙💗✨

[louscartridge]

girls?

i do not give permission for my fics to be posted claiming to be yours, translated, or posted on another platform without credit.

 requested by- @sublimecatgalaxy​

cw- not rly proof read, barely mentions of fighting (demo dog), enimies to lovers, uhhhhh i dont think anything else tbh. 

summary - robin is unsure if her enemy likes her back or not untill she makes a bold move.

“did you see her hair when the hair tie fell out?!” robin continued to daze to steve doing her eyeliner in the passenger seat of steves car.

“robin-”

she cut his speaking off and put her hand down from her face for a minute to look at steve. “now yes steve i now it wasent exactly the best time to find something attractive but..that was attractive!” she looked at him with a “duh!” face almost saying ‘i mean you like girls! you gotta admit, that was hot!’ without actually saying that. 

what robin was currently talking ab was when you were fighting a demo dog, swinging around so much your hair tie fell out of your hair, letting strands stick to the sweat on your face and some still loose from behind you. so yeah. not really the best moment to be crushing but oh well what can you do right? 

“i think i should ask her out.” robin bluntly started.

“are you sure you want to do that?” steve asked hoping robin would think about this but instead she immediately replied with a strong ‘yes’

“ok but listen i can think of atleast two reasons why you shouldnt do that!”

“oh reaally mr. lady puller? you want her that bad?” robin teased seriously and rolled her eyes.

once steve pulls into a spot in the school parking lot he turns in his seat to look at his (quite frankly only) friend and smacks her hand causing her to drop her eyeliner. 

“hey!” robin went to unnecessarily banter.

 “no robin ok listen! for one we dont even know if she likes woman and two she hates you!” steve yells mater of a factly. 

“yeah well one can be solved by me asking her out doofus. and two shell know i dont hate her once i ask her out. so really! asking her out will clear everything up!” robin states mater of a factly. 

not wanting to be late to class for once steve gives up.

                                                time skip bc i suck 

“hi” robin cheekishly said to you.

“hi?” you said back in a undertone.

“uh- are- are you hurt to bad from yesterday?”

“no. not really... it just kinda sucks that i have to like- hide from everyone you know?”

“oh trust me i know.” as robin was talking she saw you open a mini cupcake.

“oh my god! y/n!” she randomly shouted.

“oh my god! robin!” you copy sarcastically. 

“i just saw you open the cupcake, duh, im right here of course im gonna see you open it but it reminded me that i made a cake yesterday its like red velvet with chocolate icing that i might add also made myself it took me so long and i was scared like so scared that i was goint to like explode something but guess what? i didnt!”

as she kept rambling you slowly smiled remembered something steve told you. 

“when robin likes someone she can not stop talking. like she starts talking non stop and really fast.”

“robin.” you cut her off

“yes?” she quickly replied.

“do you like me?” 

“yes. no! maybe? i dont now how do you feel about me?”

“how i feel about you is if you were to say you like me.. i wouldnt say i didnt like you too.”

“well then yeah. i do like you. y/n”

“i like you too robin.”

“i like your smile.”

one thing being said right after the other untill robin started ramling again. but this time you decided to cut her off. 

“will you be my girl friend?”

robin just stared at you in shock making random hand movements sometimes making some stuttering noises.

“robin?” you say in a sing songingly voice.

“uh- yes? yes! i will be your girlfriend!”

the moment was cut when steve came up behind robin.

“aha! yes! she likes you! thank you for not listening to me!”

[brandogenius]

eating up the content as per usual ‼️👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 i'm so excited ur getting into muna i got into them a few months ago and they're just so chaotic and funny, id say another way to get good insight in their personalities and speech patterns and whatnot is by listening to gayotic (their podcast!) i literally listen to gayotic to fall asleep sometimes LMFAOAO

okay now time for my thoughts on more barista!reader x jb:

question, what do you think the drink actually is that jb orders? like, in my opinion, i feel like its just one of those really popular sweet ice coffees that most people like but its bc they don't actually like coffee and julien is like about to eat a spoonful of salt to cut the sweetness bc how dare she not drink every drop of this ice coffee her pretty gorgeous cool amazing barista girl crush made for her

THE ANGST i love, that's so something that i would do ngl, i can imagine julien being like gutted that reader would think they were coming off weird and stopped doodling on her cup and reader like blushing and smiling at her reaction

speaking of angst can you imagine the dramatics of when reader finds out that jb doesn't actually like her order...in my mind it's not even something reader loves it's just popular and they overhears phoebe or lucy with julien making fun of her getting a drink she doesn't even like and reader doesn't mention it until like a week later because they've been analyzing jb getting her drink

im picturing julien coming in and being like "same as usual ☺️" and reader is like "are you sure?" and julien is confused like "uhh yeah i always get that wdym hahah" and reader explains what she overheard and julien is internally panicking like 'okay this is it she found out and she's gonna hate me and think im a pathological liar'

omg what if from then on reader makes her something new EVERY time until jb finds something that she really likes

julien coming in during a rush and reader frantically ranting to her about how stressed they are but julien is sitting there listening to them like this 😍 and reader can't help but notice and then they're like "sorry i didn't mean to ramble on like that..." and all embarrassed

one last thought, julien coming in and getting her drink but then sitting on the couch or window seat and reading a book or doing work on her laptop and reader is checking on her every 0.5 seconds and they keep making accidental eye contact and smiling but neither will actually talk to each other (classic wlw yearning from afar)

OKAY rant over 😊😊

-🪷

tysm :D i’m definitely getting into muna!! funny enough i’ve gotten a few asks but i’m waiting to get more into them before i write them up!!

i’ve been watching their gayotic podcasts, i started by watching lucy’s then julien’s and lemme tell you i love it. i’m someone who loves to take note of speech patterns and how people word things so it was interesting to learn more about them individually

as for barista! reader

hmmm. i feel like jb isn’t someone to order overly sweet things. like say fraps or something. black coffee or something 😭 a little bit of sugar like maybe a teaspoon is fine but overly sickening sweet nooo. she takes it though and doesn’t complain because at the end of the day reader made it and there was cute doodles on it and she doesn’t want to be like “aha hey… so i don’t actually like this”

she either chugs it down or splits it in half with one of the boys so she has less to drink. she wouldn’t put your hard work down the drain

reader finding out jb doesn’t even like the orders they make and they are like “YOU COULDVE TOLD ME”AND JBS LJKE “that’s true”

omg reader handing jb a new cup everydsy like “so this is peach ice tea” and the next day it’s like “so this is matcha tea” and maybe julien’s just extremely picky on her drinks but she’s yet to find something she likes

reader literally watching julien sit down and write lyrics or type away at her laptop and they make eye contact every so often but both are too scared to say anything so queue reader coming over with a slice of chocolate cake like “here you go” and jbs like “oh i didn’t offer it” and readers like “it’s on the house” and jbs like “oh.. thank you-“ and you stick your hand out like “i’m [name]” and she’s like “julien. i can’t believe we didn’t ask for each others names yet”

[blakbonnet]

15 questions

I was tagged by @xoxoemynn @not-nervous-jester and @skysofrey <3

1. Are you named after anyone?

My shitty father was/is a giant history nerd and named me after a manuscript (my official name i mean lmao). The manuscript has two parts - the first part became my nickname and the second part became my official name 🤷‍♀️

2. When was the last time you cried?

Maybe April last year, I had a massive fight with someone and burst into tears 😭 Yeah I don't cry that often, more of a let the agonies eat you alive from the inside kinda person

3. Do you have kids?

No and I don't want them either :)

4. Do you use sarcasm?

Nah, idk who she is 🤷‍♀️

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Usually how they treat waiters at a restaurant irl and how angry they get over little things, massive red flag for me. Online, it's def based on how rude they are to people over stupid small stuff. I'll either soft block or straight up unfollow if your idea of fun is putting people down constantly or just being a general dick about fandom stuff that should be fun 🤷‍♀️

6. What’s your eye colour?

Brown eyes like Ed :))

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

I am a massive chicken when it comes to horror! I like the idea of it but I actually do get scared so so much 😭 I can do horror podcasts though but movies/shows etc give me actual sleepless nights. Happy endings all the way babyyy!

8. Any special talents?

Not really, I guess once I watch a show/movie and if I like it (pay attention), I kinda don't need a rewatch for the next year, I can play bits over in my mind if needed lmao

9. Where were you born?

In a hospital where a lot of people in my family were born (strange question!)

10. What are your hobbies?

Reading, puzzles, drawing, and writing :')

11. Do you have any pets?

Yes, I have a dog called Bilbo who recently turned 10. My parents have 4 other dogs called Casper, Eva, Chi, and Tingmo ❤️

12. What sports do you play/have played?

My right knee is busted and I hate physical exercise so I don't play anything adfjvdbf but I used to play cricket in school ✌️ Ooh and I was on the debate team which is a sport to me ahem

13. How tall are you?

5’5”

14. Favourite subject in school?

English, art, economics (yeah Im a giant nerd)

15. Dream job?

Exactly what I'm doing right now, but when I was a kid, I wanted to be a writer :)

I'm gonna tag @ella-doe @talkstoself @sherlockig and @aha-my-villainous-thoughts (no pressure obv and feel free to lmk if you hate getting tagged in stuff like this)

[3rrorsnas]

URGH I HATE NPD TESTS. I FEEL LIKE IM BOTH EACH TIME. I'm both overly confident but have awful self esteem lurking in the background and they're both fighting to come out. it depends on who I'm around with and what happens. basically I feel that with strangers I'd be super confident, then have some moments of opening up about my self doubts, then be confident again but in a more healthy way and basically sorta hyping each other up. but it without being linear like- I still have moments where I feel like shit and open up to people close to me about my lack of self esteem.

(it's long TT/gen srs) :

like see?? overall I wanna be the center of attention, in a way of "I've been isolated for a huge chunk of my life and am scared to be alone" and "I need the attention to get validation in order to counter my lack of self esteem"

BUT me being isolated for so long ALSO drives me to be awkward, shy, and sometimes straight up scared to interact with people because I'm scared to mess things up or just don't know how to do so[interact] (especially if you take into account me being autistic and already struggling as heck with social cues). but I'm ALSO scared to get the attention from the fear that that attention would be bad attention where people would ridicule me/not take me seriously (FUCJ YOU CQ./SRS NEG) and just lead my self estime to drop even lower

YOU SEE MY FKING PROBLEM???/SRS NEG ANGRY sad.

I feel like I'm both extremities, and if not at the same time then shifting from one another too often./srs neg tired (ntm at self tbh, I don't hate how I am. I'm just frustrated by the problems I encounter. it's tiring./srs neg info)

as someone who has been manipulated before, I don't like it. but that doesn't mean that I don't find it easy or I can never see myself being able to do so easily.

I just hate people lying and I can get the job done by being straightforward anyway, I'm not losing time with this bs./srs neg tense info

yeah, as someone who is fcking ridiculed by an ENTIRE MULTIVERSE and THEIR(my) CREATOR I don't really think I get the respect that I deserve. hmph./s angry srs gen (tired and sad too)

like all I'm asking is people to not make fun of me being bipolar. and autistic. and mentally ill. for FUCK'S sake.

yeah I probably warded off half(/exaggeration) the system including fresh with my shouting. sorry pal/gen srs)

...d-

do I.

do I even.

ahaha- do I even have to fucking answer this???!! are you shitting me???/s srs neg angry

you know the answer./neg

im fREAKING AUTISTIC. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME??

I'm calling this infodumping but whatever./s ntm neutr tired

(I like showing my puppets and plushies ok?) (they're pretty and took time to make and are sort of like my friends, I'm proud of making them)

...this is a freaking trick question./srs neg stressed because bOTH ARE TRUE.

...does this count if you didn't have the choice? or refused help when you needed until people forcefully got you out of trouble?/gen srs gq

....I'd say it does./srs, ???/

...ok yeah...I...think I made....that clear.../srs, neg(?), shameful, tired/

aha...yes, I do.../lh, gen, pos, less sad/

[rocksaltandroll]

So, I feel like it’s Unpopular Opinion Time about GO2. I’ve been thinking about it since I watched it and…well…I hate it, lads. I really wanted to love it, but…

Well, here are my Reasons:

I first read Good Omens in probably 2003. It was a friend’s copy and I finished it & immediately went & bought my own. I loved it.

I was so scared to watch it when Good Omens (1) first came out. I thought the casting was all wrong. I was worried they would butcher one of my favourite books of all time.

I was so glad to be wrong. I loved everything about it. The casting was actually perfect, I was okay with the changes, and I absolutely adored that cold open! Hell I even wrote a whole 135k 1941 spy romance fic based on that 5 minute scene in the church!

And then I heard they were making GO2 and I was scared again.

I knew that T&N had batted ideas for a sequel about years ago, but nothing had come to fruition. This time it would all be Gaiman. I’ve never made it through a single Gaiman book but I’ve read most of Pratchett’s. I was worried.

But I watched it. And the more I watched, the more I disliked it and by the end, I honestly hated it.

The first thing: all of the fun & funny, all the favourite lines and things that made you giggle in the OG GO? 90% of those were Pratchettisms. S2 was severely lacking in Pratchettisms.

The second: Plot? What plot?

I mean, if you set aside the mini episodes inside the main episodes (those mini episodes are a whole other problem all by themselves), what exactly have we got?

The Archangels are plotting. Gabriel disagreed with what they were plotting and he’s walked out, memoryless, naked with an empty box & turns up at Aziraphale’s.

A&C aren’t getting on. For some reason. At the end of S1 they were honestly ready to get married & have babies, and now Crowley is living in his car because his flat is apparently Company Property and he’s been evicted. I still don’t understand why they’re not getting on.

So both heaven & hell are looking for Gabe, and A&C are trying to hide him while they figure out what’s going on.

Except they don’t. S1 they figured out things, they pieced things together, they investigated.

S2 they spent the whole time trying to play matchmaker for Nina & Maggie, and despite having been on Earth for 6000 years, seem to have zero idea about human mating rituals.

It’s literally only at the end when Gabe gets his memory back that he TELLS them he left because he disagrees with triggering the second coming & want to run off with Beelzebub which, to me, is like Gaiman took a nose dive into the GO tumblr tags and went ‘aha! people have started shipping this! let’s make the masses giggle!’

On top of this, in what life would our Aziraphale - the angel who isn’t really an angel anymore, the hedonist, the guy who literally looked heaven in the face and said Buggere Alle This For a Larke and went off to find his friend and stop Armageddon - in what life would he think ‘ooh the metatron is giving me a promotion to start the second coming, let’s grab Crowley and we can turn him back into an angel!’????

No. He’s already made the decision that Heaven is Wrong. Heaven isn’t Good. He & Crowley have already decided at the end of S1 that they’re on their own side - the HUMAN side - and there’s no way Aziraphale is naive enough to think he can change anyone’s mind Up There.

And that kiss. God that made me so uncomfortable. It wasn’t heartbreaking to me, it was just uncomfortable and wrong.

As for those mini episodes. I’m honestly not sure what I can say about those. They bored the shit out of me & served little purpose to the ‘main plot’. They saw everyone loved the cold open and just thought ‘what chaos can we cause putting these two in various historical costumes this time?’

Im not in this to analyse every single thing, I’m not in it for the meta, I’m in this for the story. And to me, this was a seriously disappointing story.

I did like Nina & Maggie but I didn’t like how their story was handled. I also enjoyed how all the shopkeepers in Whickber Street were all convinced that stuffy & fluffy Mr Fell had himself a hot redhead vintage car enthusiast boyfriend, but that’s about all I really enjoyed from the whole thing.

I hate that I hate it. I really wanted to love it, especially since I see the vast majority of you loving it. I wanted to join in the froth. I hoped it would reignite my desire to write.

Alas.

Thus ends my unpopular opinion.

[missparasitepossessor]

a rant: i'm scared of getting on hormones

one of the most frustrating things about being trans is just like, the fear of it all. it's like i think back to when i was 17 and it was just like, so fucking obvious? but nooo i was too shy and bashful. i ignored how good i felt when i was able to present more femininely. i chalked it up to "aha im just nonbinary dont worry hehe :3" and it just feels like if i would have started sooner i could have avoided so much unhappiness.

my friend recently described their experiences of masc-presenting as feeling like an alien compared to how it felt when they present more feminine. and it's like oh my god!! that's exactly how it is. i can GET BY okay enough when i'm in "boymode" or whatever, but i'm never truly comfortable. i hate being considered one of the bros or lumped in with dudes who take one look at me and think i'm gonna go along with their bullshit.

but goddd when i'm able to wear my cute outfits and throw on some shitty makeup and just like, express myself. stomping around in my big floral boots and just really let my guard down. i feel so amazing. i was at a concert last week to see another transwoman perform and i got so many compliments and even made new friends. my confidence was through the roof and i felt sooo so good.

and despite all of this, despite the recent time and the maaaany times over the last decade it's like... i'm still scared? i've been staring at this HRT recommendation form for DAYS. there's rarely a minute that goes by that i haven't been thinking about how horrible i feel in my body. how i'm so scared of getting older and my masculine features defining even more. i'm petrified when i think about it. it hurts me to the point of feeling nauseous.

i look at other transfemmes and i get so jealous, i wish i could say i was happy for them and in a way like, of course i am! but i'm admittedly so fucking selfish. i'm mad at how far they've come and how i feel like i'm still at square one. i had to physically move myself away from another transgirl in public recently because she looked so much like how i wanted to that i was so distracted and could feel myself getting upset.

but i don't understand? why is this so scary? i feel like i understand estrogen and what it can do for me. and again, i think about it day in and day out. and i know that i would be so much happier, and i feel like i'm running out of time. so why am i continuing to waste time just being scared?

i've never been medicated for any of my mental health issues, i've always been relatively good at keeping myself grounded. but lately i feel like i'm so deep in the water that i'm starting to drown. and it's like, HRT is the lifeboat i need but i'm like "i dunnooooo maybe i just need to get over drowning" like! what is going on in my head LOL

[wishchthumblr]

time for long and not re read vent post aha

i am genuinely so fucking mad at my mom rn

im crying over twitter because it seems like it’s actually breaking this time, more than last. and i know its “the shit site” and it’s “garbage” and whatever but i dont care because its my home. its the only social media (before now maybe tumblr too) that ive felt good using. insta made me feel so terrible and nothing else really worked before i got twitter.

i’ve always been more of a lurker than poster and twitter made that possible for me, its where ive spent over a year. its the first social media i actually enjoy using. and then that dick head bought it and is just breaking it on purpose at this point.

i went to my mom almost crying because my mental health has been so terrible recently that ive barely been able to bring myself to even use my phone, let alone twitter and the thought of Being Perceived brought me physical pain. and then im finally okay enough to go on it and talk to my friends and see the people i admire and the first thing i see is everyone leaving. and my mental health just goes down again.

im telling her about the new limit shit and how everyone is leaving and that //im scared// and she just. makes some joke about how “im sure that doesn’t apply to the musk supporters🙄” and something about musk’s relationship with chinese government

what. just WHAT

does she not see that im saying this with tears in my eyes? does she not hear that im about to cry in my voice? does she not see that i dont fucking care about the politics of it because im losing my friends and my outlet and the people i look up to and im losing the place i used to go to make myself feel better after dealing with everything in my real life and im losing the good memories.

she keeps doing this again and again and im so tired of it. your daughter is terrified of losing her friends and her safe place and you’re joking about chinese bots and politics? i feel like my mom doesn’t care

im literally crying while writing this and she’s posting on her facebook about some “oh but im sure the pro chinese gov and elon support accounts will still be able to tweet🤔🤔” bullshit

im so tired of her and other people disregarding my feelings and genuine heartbreak over losing my online support system because “oH iTs juSt TwiTtEr LOOLLLL itS alL ShiT anYwAy!!!!”. i hate you. i genuinely hate people who say that. how dare you just throw aside other peoples support systems and livelihoods like that just because its on a website you dont like. how fucking dare you. it doesn’t matter if the website comes back because you directly told me you dont care about my fear.

idk im just so tired of it. idk tumblr etiquette about venting or whatever but i needed to get this out. might delete later if i feel better idk. just. be nicer to people. just because you don’t relate doesn’t mean your dismissal isn’t breaking my heart and my trust in you. this is why i never tell people anything and just hide away whenever i feel terrible

[whatiwillsay]

Hi I've seen and really appreciated the posts you've made in support of Amber ❤ Justiceforamberheard had to close their DM's due to an influx of hate and vitriol from depp stans. I'm really just scrambling here not being able to reach out about this trial, so out of desperation, I'm turning to you aha 😅 one of the few voices I've found in a mess of chaos. I recently had to flee my abuser a few months ago and was left alone, isolated, and struggling to support myself after years of mental and physical abuse. Watching this trial has been so terrifying, and now with this verdict, even with the counterclaim, I am so fearful. I feel hopeless. I am on the verge of crying and freaking out over this trial, and no one around me seems to understand where my fear is coming from. Not to mention that the world seems to be against Amber, even people I know, and once again they make me feel isolated in my situation. Like they could never truly understand because I'm witnessing proof of that right now as they spew hate and malice at a victim of abuse whose proven herself to be that /several/ times in court. If people won't listen and be understanding of her with all her evidence; pictures, medical records, witnesses, text messages, terrifying audios - then what hope is there for me? I have had to fight this battle for so long against my abuser, what he's done to me, how the world treats victims of domestic violence, and a lack of understanding/knowing from friends and family, and now this trial and the publics response to it has me defeated, depressed, and terrified. What do I do? How are you and others handling this? I'm scared.

jesus anon im so sorry you’re going through this and i’m sending you so much love and support.

try and stay calm. i’m not sure the particulars of what you’re going through with your abusive ex - are you in a legal battle? a criminal case of any kind?

amber had a lot of things against her that you may not- johnny is a much beloved multimillionaire movie star. many of his fans literally do not understand that he isn’t actually captain jack sparrow. he held an extraordinary amount of power over her and in the court of public opinion. the other damning thing she had against her was the heavily edited and taken out of context “tell the world johnny” audio.

i’m hopeful that you are not embroiled in a legal battle against a multimillionaire with a huge public following and fanbase that has lawyers who would take audio of you and edit it to completely damn you in a heavily publicized case.

in the grand scheme of things this is ofc a huge step back for women. but i’m hopeful that in this moment you are safe, away from your ex. if your physical being is safe right now i wouldn’t panic. think about getting pepper spray and double check that you can’t be traced or followed, that your socials are locked down and he can’t trace you via your phone and try to stay calm. stay off of social media right now. this blog ofc is safe but many abusers and depp supporters are celebrating and it’s just gross to look at. be wary of twitter and reddit rn.

other than that try to take care of yourself. do things you enjoy, love yourself, feed yourself, drink water, wear sunscreen.

i can’t offer much more advice than that especially not knowing what exactly you’re dealing with right now but i’m pulling for you ❤️

[kamil-a]

another acepost longpost? another one. boom. i wrote the majority of this a while ago but was waiting to see the full route in case id have more to say about it later

i was going thru some ace stay content again this morning and he really keeps EVERYTHING about tower stuff absolutely 100% locked down. wonder why hes keeping those particular cards to his chest...doylistly i guess so it can be a ng+ surprise lol

he gives alice his little "no don't seek mental health improvement youre so sexy like this aha" speech. no i like that youre humble and gloomy... hang on let me open the game and just quote him directly:

"im weak to masochistic people. it's like they need to be rescued, and it catches my attention. look, i am a knight, after all. when i see someone so unsure, i can't help but find it cute. i want to help them, but also to push them over the edge. it makes me want to bully them."

"hey, i may be a knight, but i'm also a wanderer. the kind that makes cute girls go along on his adventures, you know?" 

COMPUTER DIED AS I WAS LOOKING AT THAT SO I MAY HAVE MISQUOTED but the point is girls specifically. he's keeping the bi card close to his chest too. this i don’t think is saying anything intentional about him (the way i think the ‘look, i am a knight’ is) except like. we live in a heteronormative society, but it’s interesting with a like more headcanony interpretative lens, especially because i don’t think he has anything at all to lose by being Open about that- as we see from vivaldi!

also the other point i notice as i type is that specifically here he ties his depression fetish (for a quick n easy if much oversimplified term) to his role as Knight which is VERY INTERESTING!!! MUCH 2 THINK ABOUT. i dont think he does that in the tower.

but also in the tower he also just sort of lists negative traits and goes "well i think they can be good! and i'm attracted to people like this :)" and i feel like here he goes a bit more into WHY. 

not that i think he even knows the full why, because i think THAT'S a fear of being abandoned by a person who can 'get better' like he doesn't think he can do at all.

so he's both opening up to her in a unique way and also keeping a LOT of things to himself. very tasty to think about. 

but actually, when he talks to her about how social faults can be a good thing and also he’s attracted to them in tower stay, he's not being any more "no role, just himself" there either, is he? he's wearing his cape.

and when, in the tower stay route, he talks about love and protection in the same breath (about julius), he does it in his knight’s clothes.

lets see what he says in nonstay about his secret alter ego- future me here! he doesn’t. he also doesn’t really go into detail about his ‘depression fetish’ , he says something about her having bad parts too but it’s okay, and talks about wanting to keep her in her pain and misery, but like... idk i guess they were like its been years, you should know this by now, lol. they had new things to talk about! but i was hoping there’d be like a perfect synthesis of ‘talks about depressed people being hot while shirtless’ or something

also he talks about how he wants to be the only person who hurts her and protect her from everything else. (sighs exasperated-fondly) ace....

he was not lying when he said if i give someone a pain always i will choose you i dont hesitate doing it i am not scared.... future me here again! this part gets REALLY emphasized in nonstay route.

anyway i think he hates the weird identity situations he's gotten his life into and only entraps himself further but also he has connected his expressions of love, closeness, romantic and nonromantic like just all of it, to those identities. whoops lol

---

this is a second saved-for-later bit semirelated so im putting it here too:

ace does keep his other loyalties (and his bisexiness) mostly under wraps to alice, huh... (as opposed to peter and vivaldi, who know his deal with traitorly actions etc) and he’s very happy to share when prompted, whether its his bi-2-bi communication ball moment with alice (before he gets into ball clothes, iirc!) or when alice lives at the tower and sees him. but otherwise he won’t bring it up himself. maybe its a rules thing... but im sure he could engineer it to come up if he wanted. even in elliot nonstay he just ominously warns instead of going like “ok yeah i have skin in the game myself”.

it’s very good dramatic irony lol. but poor alice having it hidden from her!!

[renewingagain]

monday 26 february 2024 // 5:26pm

i turned 26 yesterday.

EWWWWW!!!!

the existentialness is kicking in but also i kinda can't believe it aha, i do not feel 26. i don't know what 26 is supposed to feel like but i don't feel it at all. i actually still just feel like a child to be honest

when i picture someone who turns 26, i would see someone earning a decent salary sort of a middle range (like £30-40k a year), who has their career path ahead of them and are kind of settled. i picture the man with a good job, someone who is married or at least in a relationship with someone, who is secure in themselves and that their bright future is ahead of them. i picture them happy and well after navigating the early twenties and finding who they are

i want to be this person. i feel like the complete opposite. im single (which to be fair is more by choice). i have no idea what career im in, well, im not even in a career right now. i'm just working a job (tbf £28k isn't awful but its still shit considering the cost of living right now which is absolute hell). i just don't feel 26 or what 26 should be !! i feel like im 22 😭

life has been tough, though. COVID was really shit and robbed us of two years in our lives. navigating homosexuality growing up, and being afraid of how people may see me for it is something that terrifies me to this day. i think right now it terrifies me even more, because im actually starting to live my truth! im slowly becoming more open on social media with things that have anything 'gay' in it lol. sometimes its easier to do this right now because im still living in sheffield, therefore, i dont see my family that often. (at least, the family that are more religious and likely not accepting of it) but if i do ever see them in person then it just scares me i dunno

but why must i be afraid? it does absolutely suck gigantic poisonous disgusting balls (and i love balls) that there are people in my life who won't accept me for who i am. but there are waaayyyyy, WAY more people in my life who do love me, both family and friends! who know the full extent of my queerness, who understand that this is who i am, and it doesn't bother them at all. it shouldn't bother anyone, really. may i focus more on these people in my life who are there for me and do love me

the biggest obstacle in all this is probably my mum. there will come a time where i do eventually find someone, and mum will have feelings towards it. there will likely be heartbreak as i cry over the fact that mum won't accept the future man i love, coupled alongside the heartbreak of my own mother who herself faces an inward battle of loving me and loving God, loving the church and loving the Bible that (supposedly) paints the very words of gayness being a sin.

but these are things that will just have to be taken on the chin as we go on in life. we need to focus on the now and what i want to change to make my life somewhat better than it is right now

because i am feeling sad right now! i havent felt sad for a very long time i don't think, its most likely turning 26 that has set this off (alongside probably a comedown from doing ket over the weekend lol) but i also just feel frustrated

not even just with my own life but its just with the world. there is so much hate here. palestine is still being massacred and the west does nothing. trans people are still being murdered. the cost of living is so high, the general mood of the UK and the world is just so... not nice

but what am i to do about this? how can i be a person that makes change? that is what needs to happen really.

i really want to make the world a brighter place. everyone deserves stability, love, good health, a future, and a normal life to live. i dread to think of the stories that have been wiped of the face of this earth for those around the world who are killed for where they live. how they could be the next person to cure cancer, or release an absolute bopper of a tune that reaches #1 globally or makes a persons day. but those stories are gone, now. they never got to have their future

i still have a future, i am still living. i am generally well, i am in control of my life right now. and i really wish i could just get that in to my head.

i always say this, i find myself often coming back to this same thought but i just want to love and be kind. and really make the world a better place in that way. be kind, love, and reach out to others. and make them feel good. i know the impact that can have on people and then people are just happy and we're all just vibing innit

where do we go from here? when i finishing journalling and i get on with my life every day, what happens ?

only i can make change

-

a reminder of things i want to accomplish this year:

getting fitter

new job

new city

release an EP or just start establishing a solo career with some originals. release one song this year minimum, that can't be hard surely

lately i am very pessimistic and negative and it really needs to stop. its just not healthy and then the anxiety that arises from my pessimism is what just stops me doing things as in some way i will have already given up. but this is not getting me anywhere. catastrophizing is not getting me anywhere and it needs to change. we can only hold our heads up from here, do our best, remain positive even if things do fall through. you know why? because my story is still being written. because i am still alive, my story has not ceased. i am thankful to be in a place where i am safe and i can live my life and make a difference and actually do things that i want to do. don't let the pessimism and anxiety snatch that away.

[apertures-angel-archive]

☀️,🛼 and ⭐️ for glados

sorry this is late

☀️ How do you and your f/o feel about summer? I HATE IT SO MUCH g.lados is indifferent to it

🛼What sort of summer activities do you and your f/o enjoy? uhhh idk i never wanna go outside during the summer haha too hot, and i'm scared of water so she doesn't like set up swimming stuff for me or whatever. the most we do is go outside at night sometimes to watch fireflies in the wheat field and look at stars, which the latter we already do together often so

⭐️ Do you and/or your f/o like to stay busy over the summer, or do you like to relax and take things easy? g.lados is always busy aha, nothing ever really changes between seasons, aside from me complaining about how hot it is outside during the summer while i lay down on the nice cold floor of her chamber. which is also cold. why am i even complaining im not outside. i just hate summer that much.

[vyruscore]

Lmaooo im about to either make a lot of amazing friends or a lot of annoying stalkers

[honey-milk-depresso]

VICE DORM LEADERS WITH A S/O THAT HAS POWERS LIKE DOLORES FROM ENCANTO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

FINALLy- FINALLY WATCHED ENCANTO AND I'M NEVER GONNA WATCH IT AGAIN BECAUSE IM GONNA CRY LIKE A STUPID CHILD AGAIN- (which means it's too good-)

Also I only did Trey, Jade and Jamil

"I heard you said that" S/o with Encanto's Dolores' powers (Hearing things from afar)

Trey Clover

Listen, he hides a few things about himself.

So hearing that you could hear anything and everything from far away, makes him very scared of you-

The catch is that he doesn't know it yet. Not before he started to fall for you.

One time, for some reason, he was absolutely swooned by you, that he swore his heartbeat was just pounding against his chest and he had to excused himself to be in the bathroom for awhile and just sat on the lid with his hands on his face as he sighs disappointedly to himself.

"Why am I in love with you, s/o.." he whispers to himself.

When he finally calmed down and returned back, he was confused to see you have your face flushed and looked at him timidly before you diverted your eyes away from him. "W-what's wrong?" "Um.." you fidgeted.

"You know you can tell me anyth-" "So I have super hearing powers and I kind of heard you say you love me- actually- like- so many times- so I was wondering if I said I love you back genuinely cuz I love you too can we like hug- be together- make a family with each other-" you gushed out all that you heard and felt, and you really were to late to realize that and covered your mouth with a red face, much like the man who was facing you.

"C-can we kiss since I heard you..?"

"A-aha..." Trey smiles awkwardly, his face burning by the minute as he scratched his cheeks, eyeing on your flustered self.

He ought to be more careful now, shouldn't he? <3

Jade Leech

Much like Trey, this man has many secrets he hides.

And it's just very hard for you to contain the secrets you've heard about him all the way back from Ramshackle. And Jade has no idea about it.

Until you finally admit it through an accidental confession that is.

You were lounging around with him after his shift, just buds being buds not for long-.

Jade finds himself feeling more vulnerable in a sense that he found some of the simple things you do so... fluffy. It makes him feel fluffy easily. Perhaps maybe it's because he's tired and he's happy you decided to spend time with him.

Jade laughs at a joke you made, but he whispered, muffled with his hand. "How I adore you..." He was quite a respectful distance away from you although he was considered close to you, and he

You froze, making the eel blink in confusion. What happened?

You blushed profusely, and bit your lip. "S/o? Is there something wro-"

"Okay, so I have super hearing abilities and I heard you say you like like me- and like- for a long time now- and I just didn't know what to say and wondered if you're gonna ever change your mind but I guess not but that's good- I MEAN-"

You shyly looked away, fiddling with your thumbs. "I- I love you.. too.." you looked back at him.

He blinked in disbelief, the slightest pale pink dusted his cheeks. Of course, the eel regained his composure and simply chuckled in amusement, gently using his fingers to tilt you head up to face him.

Aren't you a cheeky one~ <3

Jamil Viper

Oh man... This is especially dangerous for him if you, his crush, overheard him scream about how much he hates bugs from Scarabia all the way from Ramshackle.

Oh my sevens... this is so embarrassing as an accidental confession-

It was a hangout. Perfectly planned out, and he made sure to put on his best in front of you.

And then...

OH SHIT- OH SHIT- OH SHIT- A BUG- FRICK-

He was having a mental crisis when his eye caught sight of a tiny bug. Jamil forced a calm smile at your direction as you smiled back, completely "oblivious" to the bug.

He kept eyeing at the bug of course (if a stupid little BUG is gonna ruin his date- well- hangout that's soon to be date- HE SWEARS-), and it caused you to eye the bug.

Whether you're scared or not, you managed to chase the bug out, and looked at him and just laugh. "It's okay to be scared of bugs! Everyone's got their fears / I'm scared of them too!"

He didn't scream and actually contained it for once, so his face sort of- drained a little out of color when he heard so.

"W-wait.. how did you know about..." And you just gushed it all out like running water.

"I heard you say that multiple times when I'm not there due to me having some super hearing and stuff- not really important- but I also heard you set up this hangout to say you like me- and so I was rehearsing how to confess- and- realize... how... stupid... this... confession... is......... it's flunked- I'm sorry.."

As you blushed hard, the fluster seemed to spread across Jamil's face too. Man, he doesn't know what to say, but he's definitely embarrassed that you, his crush, of all people, heard ALL his embarrassing moments when he thought you weren't looking.

"I-it's fine, don't worry..." <3

Reblogs help! ^^