#in a space where they know i'm ND and they all like

[bhaalsdeepbat]

i literally walked into this space knowing NO ONE, sat off to the side and told them, "I'm sorry, I'm like a cat. I have to just watch for a second, then I'll socialize more." and like. the entire group was just like YEAH MAKES SENSE. no one took it wrong. they just let me observe until i was ready to mesh in more. and now almost two years later I am now burrowed so deeply into this troupe that i wouldn't have the friends or opportunities i have without it.

[arcadequeerz]

[chososdiscordkitten]

I'm Stuck!

artist: yunonoai on twt

Synopsis: Gojo buys new washing machines nd chooses a shitty placement for em ⸜( ´ ꒳ ` )⸝

Pairing: Gojo x Fem!Reader Content: smut, implied reader is thicker than a snicker, established relationship, teasing, r gets stuck between a wall nd said machines, dirty talk, multiple orgasms (f), a sprinkle of manhandling, he refuses to admit he's wrong, cream pie

(a.n) if u wanna see what I picture- look at this

MDNI

When you first moved in with Gojo, you became all too aware of the fact that he was very particular about his design choices. Almost all your suggestions were vetoed the minute you would offer them.

And when the cheap washing machines that came with his apartment broke; You saw this as an opportunity to control at least one room in the now-shared apartment.

You stood beside Satoru in the laundry room- eyeing the small space and telling him, “If you put them here,” referencing the back wall of the rectangle room, “-it’ll feel more open.” you pointed at the wall. Looking at his pensive expression. 

Gojo was just petty enough to ignore your suggestion. Holding a measuring tape and looking at the 28-inch mark. “The website says they’re this big-” looking up at you as he measured. 

Even if you were kinda right- Satoru wanted to put the washer and dryer pair on the opposite side. Leaving only the entrance of the small room- and a small gap between the wall and the massive machines. 

You parted your lips- about to speak. Remembering the photo Satoru had shown you of the machines- far better and more modern than the old ones that opened at the top. 

These new ones had doors that opened outwards- and as you looked at the gap between where the machines would go, and where the wall was. You were sure they wouldn’t be able to open fully. 

But you held your tongue- knowing Satoru would mull it over for a few days before telling you that you were right. 

The space was small- sure. But you were sure it was enough space to fit through, and besides, how long would Satoru let those machines sit in the wrong place before calling someone to help switch their placement. 

On the day of delivery, Satoru looked at the machines as though they were his pride and joy, like he was the one who did all the washing in the house. 

The way the handymen looked at your idiot boyfriend was laugh-worthy. “They’ll go against that wall”, he instructed. 

You were sure the men struggled more in placing them where Satoru instructed than if they just flipped them and pushed them to the back wall. 

Satoru generously tipped them for their efforts, and once they left, you stood at the small doorway. Looking at the washing machines placed against the wall as though it were a laundromat.

“I hate saying it-” he clicked his tongue, leaning against the machine and looking at you smugly. “But I told you so~” 

You grinned- amused at how right he thought he was. You winced, “Do me a favor real quick-” fighting off the laugh about to rumble from your chest. “Open one of the doors.” 

Satoru furrowed his eyebrows at your request, dragging a hand down to the circular door. Smugly popping it open, only to hear it ding against the wall. You puffed a small laugh from your nose at how his face fell. 

“And..” you started, walking towards him and fwipping your hand up and down- guiding him to move. 

Stepping into the small gap between the machine and the wall with the door open, and letting a small giggle leave your lips as your thick thighs pressed against the metal. 

Satoru looked down at your hips that were flush against the machine- he measured how much space the machines took up. But Gojo didn’t account for the space you would need to do laundry properly. 

You turned your head, looking at him over your shoulder. Watching him pull his lips to the side, thinking up some snide remark about how he was still right. 

Even a week after having those machines in the most inconvenient place- Satoru refused to admit he was wrong. He refused to call the handymen back and have them move the machines where you told him to. 

You were more affected by his mistake than he was. Bothersome little doors that had hit you more times than you could count when they would bounce off the wall. 

And all the times you would feel your hips brush against the open machines- you would furrow your eyebrows. Recalling how petty he could be. 

Truth being- Satoru hadn’t called the handymen to fix the minor problem because when you first stepped into the small space of the laundry room- Seeing your thighs press against the machine made him hope you would get stuck one day. 

As though he had manifested it- the day came.

You were doing laundry per usual- struggling with the stupid doors and growing more and more irritated by the second. 

And when you thought you were finally finished- slamming the dryers door shut and hearing it whirr. 

You turned around to see a discarded sock on the ground, thinking nothing of it and stepping back into the small space- hips pressed against the slightly protruding door of the dryer. Picking up the sock with a small huff. 

Straightening back up and aiming to take a step back. Only to feel resistance from the wall- you tried shifting with even more strength. Only for the wall and machine to refuse to let you go. 

You looked to the machine- recalling all the times this very same scenario had happened. Wondering what went wrong this time. And seeing the clear plastic bubble-like door trap your hips. Add that with the bending- causing your hips to widen in the slightest. 

You sighed- frustrated that you had actually managed to get stuck in the small space. You tried a few more steps- a small wiggle, a aimed step back- nothing worked.

And wearing mini shorts- practically underwear that left your plush thighs exposed against the wall and the plastic door. Knowing it would only hurt if you pushed yourself out. 

You held the stupid black sock in your hand as you contemplated calling out to the idiot that waited for you in the living room. 

You shouted his name once- waiting a few seconds to see if he would come running to see what was wrong. 

Only Satoru was sat with a handful of unfolded socks in his lap, watching the show you normally watched together- so focused on the scene playing out before him. 

You closed your eyes- cringing at the cliche you were in. Calling his name once more- with more urgency and a gruff to it. That’s what pulled Satoru from his focus on the tv show. 

His hand reached for the remote and pressed pause- trying to determine if he was just imagining things or if you actually called out to him. 

And when you called out to him a third time, Satoru tossed the socks from his lap and ran to the laundry room. All the urgency in the world.

Worried you had seen a bug, or a home invasion- or every single dangerous thing he could picture happening. Running into the room asking you what was wro-

His lips parted in amazement once he saw your bottom trapped between the machine’s door and the wall. Staring at your exposed thighs and the crease of your ass.

“Don’t just stand there- go get some baby oil or something to get me ou-” Satoru reached a hand out to your bottom, causing you to silence your directions. His cheeks flushed and eyes glimmering full of the possibilities. 

Satoru sighed and smiled, looking up to the ceiling with closed eyes to thank the deity that had granted him his wish. 

Looking back down to your ass- slightly bent and you trying to reach a hand back to push him off, all but telling him again to go get something to help you out. 

But knowing your boyfriend and his peculiar tastes- this was brewing in his mind from the minute he saw your hips against the small space. 

“I prayed for this.” he whispered, earning a small ‘what?’ to leave your lips. 

Satoru placed both of his hands on your bottom, his long fingers sliding beneath the light fabric of your shorts. Softly groping at the skin and peaked his eyebrows. You only clenched your jaw and closed your eyes. 

Hearing the ramblings of the man behind you. “You should’ve just listened to me.” you scoffed, planting your hands on the wall in front of you as though Gojo was doing a body search, trailing his fingers down your clothed core. 

His eyes dimmed- watching the light goosebumps form on your skin, lightly pressing his fingers against the little mound beneath your shorts. Earning a small exhale laced with a whimper to leave your lips. His other hand groped firmly at your ass, enjoying the view below him. 

“No. I know now I was right not to listen to you.” Satoru grinned menacingly, watching your hips try to shift against the whirring machine next to you. 

The tips of his fingers against your clothed core making you let out a shivering huff. “You still want me to help you out?~” Gojo asked- too smug to be considered as a genuine offer.

Satoru made light circles on the little mound at the top of your cunt- shivers running down your thighs as you tried to muster the words. 

“You must’ve planned this-” he scoffed, trailing his fingers to the side of your shorts. A small damp spot formed on them, telling Gojo all he needed to know. “Prancing around all day wearing this-” 

You parted your mouth- feeling the cool air hit your dampening cunt that pulsed with every accusation he spouted at you. 

Satoru sucked his teeth- placing the tips of his fingers on your clit, causing a small gasp to fall from your throat. You let out a ragged breath, his fingers starting small circles against you. 

Trying to keep your legs from buckling at the slow pace Satoru held. A small ‘tsk’ left his lips, full of feigned disappointment. “Tryna tempt me allll day.” The smile evident in his tone. 

You only breathed a small whimper at his words- knowing it wasn’t true, but what state were you in to deny it? 

“M���pretty sure I saw your pretty pussy a handful of times~” he purred- fastening his pace in the slightest. 

Your breathing took up in pace- trying not to let out the small moans Satoru was pulling from you with every small circle he made against you. 

The bulge in Gojo’s bottoms grew with every little whimper you let out- his hard cock twitching beneath the fabric as soft moans left your lips, landing in his ears as harmonies.

“If you wanted me to fuck you that badly-” he hummed, quickening his fingers and hearing the low squelches coming from your cunt. Knees threatening to buckle as Satoru trailed the hand on your ass up your slightly arched back, pushing up the hem of your t-shirt. 

“All you had to do was ask, baby.” he cooed, watching your hands on the wall start to slip as your moans became louder, feeling Gojo’s hard bulge pressing against your ass. Desperate to get some kind of friction, whereas you- were desperate to finish. 

An orgasm so close it had one of your eyes shut and the other threatening to follow its movements- “You didn’t have to scheme up ways for me to fuck you.” he teased, trying to dig your fingers into the wall as Satoru watched you come undone, cunt clenching around nothing. 

Feeling your core pulse onto his fingertips, small shivering sighs leave your lungs as he works you down an orgasm. You steady your breathing- becoming more aware of Gojo’s bulge pressing onto your plump bottom. 

You clenched your teeth- Satoru’s fingers trailing from your clit down to the source of the slick that coated his digits. The other resting on your side to stabilize you. Wouldn’t want you to come unstuck too soon now. 

You were glad you were faced away from him- your vision bordering on going double and the heat rising to your cheeks just thinking about the cliche you were in. Thinking of how easily accessible you were to him at that moment. 

You started feeling his fingers dip into your entrance- too slow and far too eager to prep you. “Just-” you huffed, feeling his hand halt its movements. 

“Just. Fuck me.”

Quiet- but clear enough for Satoru to hear you. 

Huffed and urged as you said it- it made Satoru realize you were unwilling to go through his teasing prep- and in no possession of the patience needed for it. 

Gojo bit his lip slightly, being able to see the tenseness in your shoulders- it wasn’t about him having a good time anymore. No, your tone made it sound like he was depriving you of something.

Satoru wasted no more than a second in tucking the hem of his shirt between his pearly teeth- a smile on the corners of his lips as he watched you writhe. All but telling him to hurry with the puffs of frustration leaving your lips. 

Though his mouth was busy trying to hold his shirt up- his messied hand pulled from your cunt and landed on the band of his shorts, you could hear the muffled giggles of amusement leaving Gojo’s lips as he slapped the tip of his cock onto your ass. 

Leaky as he was, Gojo still wanted to hear the words from your lips. “Tellme-m’right” he spoke with clenched teeth- muffled and barely legible and in a smug tone. 

You scoffed- biting your lip and peaking up your eyebrows. Knowing Satoru is just petty enough to pull away from you and jack off till he spurt his mess onto your ass. “You were right.” you mumbled, earning Satoru to release the shirt from his teeth with a smile.

“What was that?” lightly tapping your entrance with his tip as your hands pressed onto the wall again- planted to stay upright. 

You sighed. “You were right, ‘toru-” you spoke clearly, earning an appeased hum from Satoru. 

Taking his hand from his base- quickly taking off his t-shirt and lining himself up with your cunt. The only thought in his mind was praising himself for what a good idea the machine’s placement was. 

The second he slowly pressed his tip past your entrance- both you and Gojo could feel the difference between when you would be prepped compared to now. 

Soft ringing in your ears as you let out a soft moan, a light sting pulsing in your cunt as he eased himself into you. 

And Gojo- he swore he could cum right then and there had it been up to him. His eyes threatened to fall back into a soft roll as a groan tried leaving his throat. Falling from his lips with the sound of a whimper laced in it.

Even if Satoru had slid inside of you countless times- it always made his go vision blurry. Never getting used to how warm and welcoming your cunt always felt against his cock. 

Satoru spouted a curse- mixed with a whimper as he held onto your ass, bracing himself as he felt your cunt suck him in. 

With clenched teeth- “S-so fuckin’ tight-” he gruffed- making sure to give you enough time to get used to the light sting before he pulled his cock from you. Hands gripping too harshly on the malleable skin of your ass. 

His cock felt a light breeze hit the skin lathered with your essence, wasting little time before thrusting back into you- setting a slow but deep pace. 

Shutting your eyes tight as Satoru’s thrusts caused your hips to move against the harsh plastic and the wall. 

A few more rolls of his hips were all you had to spare- “Satoru I’m gonna fall-” you huffed, feeling his hands grope at your ass firmly- some attempts to assure you that you wouldn’t. 

A light sheen of sweat formed on your thigh, causing you to actually start slipping with every little thrust Satoru rolled against you.

Though he was whining behind you, he could feel your hips start to give against the machine’s door. 

Gojo mustered all the strength he could, dragging his cock from you. Allowing his leaking tip to kiss your entrance ever so slightly as he gave a hard yank against your hips. 

Hearing a low grunt of relief as you felt yourself come loose-only for Satoru’s hands to move you to the free edge of the machine quickly, aligning himself up with your entrance again. 

Pressing his heaving chest against your back- bending you over as his head rested the crook of your neck. Clenching his teeth with a low whimper- your hands planted against the whirring machine- bracing for him to bottom out. 

Only Satoru planted a hand atop yours- grasping it lightly as he slid himself in slowly. 

A sharp exhale took the form of a whimper as it left Gojo’s lips, invading your ear as you raised yourself onto your tiptoes. Giving his cock a new angle, his flushed tip nudging your sweet spot. 

A choked moan left your lips, the hand on your ass rising to your neck. Pulling you back to his chest and forcing your back into a harsher arch. 

Satoru sped up his pace- barely pulling out and prodding the spongy gspot his cock curved into. Barely pulling his hips from your ass with frustrated whimpers leaving his lips. 

His hand mindlessly rising to the side of your face- your parted lips huffing out small whimpers welcoming his fingers. Hooking the digits that brought you to your first orgasm, onto the side of your mouth as he tried to keep a steady pace. 

You could feel he was still holding back- unknowing why he insisted on keeping a medium pace with his thrusts. You clenched your walls around him in the slightest- “F-faster ‘toru,” you huffed, slightly muffled from his fingers in your mouth- earning for his hips to halt and his hands to raise. 

Satoru gulped- his cheeks flushed and ears hot as his hands hooked onto the ditches of your elbows. Pulling your arms back in tandem with dragging his cock out.

Gojo knew that whenever you bark an order, you were giving him permission to do what every part of his brain was yelling at him to do. 

And as he felt the very tip of his cock reach the taut circle of your entrance- he clenched his teeth, inhaling before pushing himself in.

His thrusts were rough- too deep as your shoulder blades pressed against each other- clearer moans falling from your lips. Satoru’s forearms pulling you back with every harsh thrust- unpatterned and sloppy as he whined into your ear. 

Your calves started tingling from being raised on the tips of your toes. And almost as though Satoru heard you- he released one of your arms and reached down to your thigh. 

A smile took shape in a huff- “Up we go~” he grinned with a breathless tinge. 

Assisting you in resting it on the top of the machine, now easily at level with his rough hips. The foot on the ground barely touched the tile- half of your body on top of the machine as Satoru grabbed a handful of ass. Biting his lip as he looked down to your cunt linked with him. 

With every tenacious thrust Satoru rolled against you- he watched your ass bounce. 

And as though it was instinct, Gojo pulled his gripping hand from your ass and gave you a firm spank. 

You whimpered in response- shutting your eyes and muttering a strained, “Fffuck!” his hand soothing the warmth rising onto your bottom- clenching his teeth with muffled groans leaving his pursed lips. 

Your hands pressing onto the top of the machine as some sort of attempt to brace for Satoru’s quick drilling hips. Keeping yourself up on your forearms as his hand gripped the malleable skin of your ass. Groaning harsher and harsher as he felt his orgasm build in his tummy. 

Satoru knew you were close too- the moans you spewed were now shorter and more breathy. Your cunt twitching around him every other thrust- 

“Say m’right.” clenched teeth and a low tone as his thrusts became even more sloppy- bordering on raising himself from the ground from how harshly he was pushing you onto the machine. 

Gojo stopped his thrusts- nuzzling himself inside of you entirely. And staying still- knocking the air from your lungs with a gasp- “Say.” pulling his cock , “I’m.” a firm thrust, “Right.” urging you to with every deep thrust. 

You whimpered, knowing he was barely bumping his tip against your gspot on purpose. 

“You’re r-ri-” he continued his fast pace again- the words trying to make their way out of your lips. 

Satoru grunted with an amused smile- “I’m-” he sighed, “I’m what?” out of breath and edging himself.

You bit your lip, the knot in your stomach slowly slipping with every little thrust. 

Feeling his unforgiving hips nudge you closer and closer against the wall. Your jaw went slack-jawed as he refused to give you a second to answer. 

All it took was another firm spank to push you over an orgasm- cunt spasming around him as he grunted. Sudden tightness sucking him in with every pull he did. 

“You’re righ- fuck-” you moaned, “You’reright-” babbling as Satoru let out a breathy giggle. More than pleased with your mindless prattling. 

As Gojo succumbed to his own orgasm- you groaned lightly, feeling his seed coat your walls. Warmth filling your cunt as your eyes fluttered closed. 

Satoru rode himself down with slower thrusts, still reaching as deep as he could- but slowing them. 

Wincing softly as his tip got a shock of overstimulation, heavily breathing as he eased his hands from you. 

Leaning over your ass and placing his forehead onto the center of your shoulder blades. 

“Call the delivery men,” you breathed- sighing softly as Satoru rested himself atop you. “And tell them to move them.” you demanded- knowing that if they stayed the way they were now- more little instances like these would keep happening. 

Satoru huffed against your clothed spine. “You just said,” taking a breath and feeling his heart pound in his chest. “-that I was right?” keeping a teasing tone as you tried easing off the machine. 

Wondering how on earth Gojo managed to shift you from the floor to the top of the washer.

-

I luv him sm <3

[seventhcallisto]

WIDER. ot8

In which the ninth member of ateez tries a few different things with her boyfriends... VERY NSFW. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

Hiii todays my 21st birthday nd I was wondering if I can get the nastiest smut u got for ot8 or just any member please —asked @bratty-tingz

Hi birthday pookie! Nasty 0t8 just for you !!

Content: ot8 bf!ateez x afab!reader (she/her pronouns/nns) anal(f!rec), double penetration, mentioned at triple, lots and lots of cum, unprotected sex (not sponsored) there's a lot, read at ur own risk.

"Just like that baby" you squirm "s too much min-" he scoffs, lightly, teasingly, tensing his hands around your cheeks to keep your spread open, a strangled groan emitting from his throat. "Come on, you can handle it, you've taken it before sweet girl" seonghwa murmurs, using his knees to spread your thighs wider on mingis lap. "It's just one gorgeous, how're gonna take another cock if you can't even handle one baby?" Hongjoong coos, swiping the sweat from your forehead. You pout, coming up to interlace your hands sweetly with his over your cheek.

Mingi bottoms out with your hips slinking down on him, his thigh twitching under the weight of your body on his. A shudder gasp wracks his lungs, your face scrunching at the stretch. God, truly, you didn't know if you could take another.

With a few seconds to adjust, the bed is dipping behind you, San kissing your shoulder gently the minute he feels your skin against his. His tip pressed against your already filled hole. "San! Wait! Please, s'can't" you shuddered, mingi was already big enough to take up the entirety of your cunt. Leaving you full, but to have san pressing into the same hole, with his lubed up dick trying to slip in. You were really doubting the fit. "Just let it happen, sweet girl," the same man presses kisses to your shoulder, nipping softly. His hands encase your waist. You shudder on mingis thighs, clenching every so often as san tries to line himself up again.

Mingi pats your bum, spreading you further so san can see where he's working. "y'squeezing love, please relax or m gonna- fuck" The minute you feel san go to press in again, you drop your head down on mingis own wide shoulder. "she's right. Why's your dick gotta be so big, mingi? Fucking hell" san groans at the squeeze of the tight ring of your cunt, completely stretched out from earlier endeavors but still holding mingi in the tightest of suctioned grips. Mingi gently lifts you by your hips, easing out an inch. "B-Better?" The pink haired member tuts, looking behind at san. San nods mindlessly, the added space helping him to slot his cock farther in a few more inches. You whimper, jolting from the sensation of two of them inside you.

San squeezes your waist so you can't move. "Just like that sweetheart," seonghwa speaks up, "look at how stuffed you are, taking them so well" he reaches for your palm against mingis chest, placing it over the bulge on your stomach. Your eyes swing open the minute a rough hand grabs your chin, tilting you to look down at yourself. "He said look." Mingi hisses. Throbbing from inside your walls, his lip under his teeth. Eyes slotted over your face to watch your eyes widen. It's ridiculous. You could hardly comprehend how much space they've taken up on your insides. San continues his assault on your neck, bruising hickeys into your skin.

Mingis hips jolt up, sending himself all the way in, and slipping san further with him. You moan, biting his shoulder from the movement. Sans groan meets your ear, his breath fanning against your neck.

"mingi, ah- shit- give her a second"

Your cunt continuously squeezing around the two of them has mingi breathing heavy, even when San scoots himself to sheath himself all the way inside your hot walls. Mingi stutters, his eyes clenching shut.

"Fuck I can't do it, I'm going crazy here" he whimpers from above you. He might feel terrible later, but the added stimulus from sans cock throbbing against his own has his hips moving on their own, rutting his dick up against your walls and the other hard length propped against his own. It's a feeling that has mingis core vibrating, building up his orgasm quicker than he can ever proudly admit. "Fuck! Fuck! fine!" San leans back, timing his thrusts up with mingi so you're lulled between the two of them. His heavy palms firm on your hips to hold you down to them. His dark eyes watch you suck the both of them in, bent over mingi so you can rest with your head against his shoulder. You whimper every time they slip just the tiniest bit out, gasping just as loudly when they both bottom in.

Seonghwa groans from next to you. You could hear the audible click of hongjoongs tongue when he watches his other members begin to lose it. "Guess you'll have to wait your turn now," he murmurs to seonghwa, slotting himself against your hip on the other side, opposite seonghwa. He palms the bulge on your stomach, admiring the way it moves when the two members behind you bottom inside. His fingers begin trailing down to your clit, stimulating it with small circles. You twitch against mingis shoulder, grasping hongjoongs hand in yours. "Please- please wait-" you spasm in his hold, throwing your hip away and back into sans thrusts. Hongjoong chuckles. Resisting the way you pull at his hand.

His assault on your clit begins the minute san speads up his thrusts, pushing and pulling you back onto mingi and him. Mingi-, who just so happens to not be doing the work. His head thrown back against the headboard, and his eyes clenched shut. San snaps him out of it, unlatching one of his hands to trail up mingis chest and squeeze his pink nipple between his fingertips. From the pinch, mingi shoots up and smacks his hand away, hissing at the pain.

"Mingi, you better move or I'm pulling her off you and fucking her myself"

Mingi groans, his eyebrows pull taunt. He leans up to swallow your moans with his own, rolling his hips in time with san, sloppy and uncoordinated. But he's trying, even when he keeps twitching inside you the moment he feels you pulse from hongjoong simply rubbing your clit. "Look at that baby, you got mingi about to cum just from having him inside and seonghwa so desperate for you" hongjoong teases, his tone heavy as he leans on your shoulder. Seonghwa has slotted himself against the bed, working his thighs open and jerking himself off to the best of his ability. His thighs shake just out of view. His dark eyes lidded from the way he stares at the scene.

"It's all for you"

Your nth orgasms of the night starts the moment hongjoong stops talking, drawing you over the edge with quicker circles across your swollen bud. You shiver and shake in their grasp, trying and failing to leave the assault on your clit. Mingi unlatches himself from your lips, trailing his head down to bit and suck on your collarbone, leaving more marks anywhere he can get his teeth. You completely go limp, clawing at hongjoongs fingers on your now overstimulated nub. "Please! Joong fuck!- it's too much!" You whimper loudly, pulling away from his continuous movement and falling back into San. The dark-haired male chuckles against your back, plowing himself back in with mingi every time he thrusts. His hand placed firm on your shoulder to pull you down on his every thrust.

"Cumming-" mingi chokes before he's spilling his seed, painting your walls with his cum. He tenses up, leaning onto his palm so he can thrust the rest of himself up and into you. Drawing his orgasm on with yours. You tremble in their grips, hongjoong swirling your attacked clit with his pretty fingers. San slows his thrusts the minute he feels mingis cum leaking around him. "That's it- oh fuck" he groans loudly when he shoots his own load, digging himself as deep as possible inside you.

His thrusts slow to lazy rolls, hongjoong removing his fingers the minute he sees san cum.

You fall over mingi, heaving into his chest, shuddering every second. San is the first to pull out, pushing against mingis heavy palms to spread your cheeks wider. His cum and mingis cascading out of your ruined cunt. "Keep it all in there," he trails off, scooping it back into your cunt. You squeeze around mingi, the same member hissing, attempting to pull himself out of you the longer he softens inside.

"m gonna get you a towel babe, just- give me a minute," mingi heaves quietly, patting your ass. "Hyung?" San trails off from behind you, you glance to the eldest, stripped down to his comfy black slacks, his arm is thrown over his eyes, his chest glistening with sweat.

His cock- still hard- bobs against his stomach when he breathes roughly. Jerking his cock must not have worked, cause the guy is dying, audibly whimpering the longer you all stare. When mingi pulls out, he hands you off to hongjoong, the older member kissing your sweaty hairline, lifting you so he can crawl on his knees over to seonghwa.

San and mingi are both heaving on the bed, digging themselves into the mattress side by side, attempting to gain their strength.

He lowers you on the eldest members' lap, cum soaked cunt pressing down on his rock hard dick. Seonghwa moving his arms to hold you, bringing you down into his sloppy kiss. He whimpers in your grasp, slobbering into your mouth messily. Hongjoong lines his tip to your back end, circling his tip against your anus.

The sensation has you jolting, moaning into the eldest members' mouths. Seonghwa pulls off you with a string attached, passing his cock over your folds. His black hair falls in waves over his sweaty face, eyes lidded and lips tainted red from all of the kissing and biting. His eyes slowly cascading down your body to watch himself pass over your clit, his hand holding the base of his longer cock, his other one gripping your thigh.

You twitch at every slick pass of his cockhead, easing back down when hongjoong holds your hips.

"Is wooyoung back?"

The front door slams open, causing the five of you on the bed to jolt. Wooyoungs shouting, the crinkled sound of a bag in his hand. The rest of the members followed behind him quietly through the door.

"I got the lube!"

He couldn't be any louder, his heavy feet stomping his way into your shared bedroom. He scoffs at the sight, pouting into his words. He wiggles the bag in his palm. "That's so not fair! I called dibs!" The younger member points an accusing finger at the leader, whining into his words. Hongjoong smirks in reply, slotting forward to steal the bag from wooyoungs grasp.

The younger gasps loudly. "And put some pants on!" He shoves sans legs out of the way to crawl the rest of the way on the bed, stealing your breath away from seonghwa so he can suck your lips into his. His cold palms meet your breasts, squeezing harshly. You moan in pain, swallowed by his tongue prodding around your mouth and greedily eating you up. San kicks his hip as an act of revenge for pushing him out of the way. Pushing himself up to follow in mingis footsteps, dressing their lower halves to step out of the bedroom.

The younger guy's kiss breaks cause of the kick. Wooyoung isn't deterred. He immediately slots himself forward, biting the skin under your ear. The pop of a lid catches your attention, turning from the eager, dark-haired man.

Hongjoong kisses your shoulder the minute he sees your face turn towards him, his hand rubbing the sticky lube between his fingers. Seonghwas hands hold your hips and push you down so he can slot himself inside you. No warning is needed. It's not like you aren't already pretty lubed up as it is. His long nimble dick reaching the depth of you the second he bottoms out, his head thrown back in bliss and mouth ajar.

Gosh, your boyfriends are so pretty.

Hongjoongs fingers slotted to your behind, taking the mounds and slipping his fingers down to your second hole. Wooyoung watches, eyes lidded and breath heavy from his tongue. Despite your best efforts, you're squeezing seonghwa. His breath gets caught in his throat every time, eyes fluttering, he's doing his best to hold back, even as hongjoong preps your ass to take him. His nimble fingers scissor your tight hole open, the stretch is different back there, a lot less proper compared to your pussy which he spends hours on. You grind back down on them, the difference causing you to feel light headed.

"You like that?" Hongjoong teases with a hum, burying his fingers to the hilt inside you. "Like your pretty ass being full of fingers? Our dirty girl," his tongue clicks, fingers pulling out quickly. Your face overheats at the embarrassing whine you let slip. The rhythm is gone, and so is the feeling. You sigh against seonghwas chest, hands propped up on either side of his head. Seonghwas face is blissed out, his mouth pulled open the longer he has to wait, his eyes scrunched. Cockwarming him as he waits for hongjoong to finish. He doesn't have to wait long, the tip of hongjoongs cock pressing into your other hole.

"Will it fit?" You whisper to the man behind you, grabbing his hand on your waist. He hums, teasing the head of his cock in. "I'll make it fit, baby." He bends down to kiss your shoulder, glancing at wooyoung. "Don't do what I'm about to do" wooyoungs face scrunches at the captains words.

Hongjoong bottoms out with one harsh thrust forward, his length pushing all the way to the hilt. Your moan is ungodly, louder than ever intended. You tremble above seonghwa, who moans quietly, trembling just as much as you are. "Ah- shit, That felt so good," he admits, dragging your down farther onto his cock. The thin barrier pushing his and hongjoong together.

Hongjoong starts his pace, drawing himself all the way out to slam back into you, plunging your insides thoroughly. You meet his thrusts the best you can, easing yourself around seonghwas upward spiral, his hips swirling to meet yours every time hongjoong bottoms out. "s'soso good sweet girl, keep doing that- mm" seonghwa mutters, lost in his own bliss.

The feeling of the two of them scrapping your insides has you drooling. Eyes clenching harshly. A pair of hands grabs your face, and the sound of a zipper drops. Wooyoungs pretty cock stands hard and erect in front of you, tip leaking with beads of cum, his face looks tortured, his hand sliding up and down his shaft slowly.

You take him in your hands, cutting off his words without a thought. Every time hongjoong and seonghwa thrust into you, you lose your train of thought. Deciding to just take wooyoung on your tongue, you plant his firm cock all the way in your mouth. His whimper is loud, louder than the two men plowing into you. Like he's being tortured. You love when wooyoung whines, his hands coming up to hold your hair from your face, his grip is rough, but he has the right idea. You thank him with a hum, his hips stuttering up and his cock sliding forward. His head throws back, eyebrows furrowed down over his forehead.

"Fuck! I didn't even get to ask-" he whimpers again, rutting himself forward down your throat. You breath through what you can, planting your hand against his thigh to steady yourself against the other men's relentless thrusts. Seonghwas pace is growing sloppy, his breathing harsh against your chest. You take what you can in your mouth from wooyoung, wrapping your hand around the rest of his length to pump him. He writhes in your grasp, curling in on himself the moment you hollow your cheeks around him.

Hongjoongs rough grip on your hips falters, his breath fanning against your shoulders. "cumming, cumming- oh god" seonghwa hiccups, thighs curling upwards, he pumps himself the last of the way inside you, dragging your waist down onto him. You shudder from the warmth, pulling off wooyoung to moan from the feeling of seonghwa throbbing inside you. Wooyoung ruts into your palm the best he can, using your hand to get himself off.

Seonghwa fingers sneak up to rub your swollen clit, your moan getting caught off. You twitch, moaning loudly. "Its- too much seonghwa- oh my god" you cry, watching the older member place his lower lip down under his teeth. The overstimulation was getting to him, and if you both didn't come soon he was going to pass out.

His pretty finger swirls your sensitive bundle, getting you there as close as youcam manage. "oh- m'fuck I'm-" you cry with a guttural call of seonghwa and hongjoongs name. Hongjoons thrusts faltering the minute he feels you come. "I can feel you squeezing me from back here baby- feel so perfect-" he groans, snapping his hips forward. Sweat dripping from his chin.

Hongjoong tilts over the edge, splattering your second hole with his entire load, buried to the hilt.

You were thoroughly ruined, struggling to place the tip of wooyoung on your tongue to suck him the rest of the way off. Grasping the rest of him in a tight hold and abusing his length into your palm. He whines loudly when he cums, crying through the overstimulation of your cheeks continue to hollow out around him. His cum swallowed down by your throat greedily. "Babe- bab- Please! Fuck i can't-"

Wooyoung palms your head off of him, popping your lips off his tip. He twitches, falling against the bed to roll away from your assault. You lick up what spelt on your fingertips.

"You owe me ten bucks" a voice erupts from the entrance, it's jonghos. Tuning in to watch the scene in front of him from the doorway. "Ah really? I had high hopes" yeosang mumbles back from the living room. Wooyoung shoots up from the bed, tucking himself back into his pants. "Are yall making bets?!" He stumbles after the youngest.

Hongjoong slowly begins to pull out of you, cooing at the way you slink forward into seonghwa. The dark haired member remaining inside you, his hands stroking your back comfortably. He trails kisses against your jaw, distracting you for a moment so the leader can slip out of you.

Seonghwas out next, completely deflating under you. His heavy palms smoothing the free skin on your lower back.

It's been a while since you were sandwiched between your boyfriends, with touring all month, especially with your birthday around the corner, everyone is spent, completely exhausted. You wouldn't hold it against any of them for having only one round in them, they've worked so hard, your boyfriends just wanting to spend your special day under the sheets with you.

Well, that wasn't going to happen, so the minute you all got off after another day of performing on stage for thousands, you could hardly keep your knees from shaking, exhausted from the concert. It still happened to be your birthday the next day, overdue for a birthday live. Which was a relief, only cause you didn't have to stand the entirety of it.

As soon as you had returned to your dorm, you were melting at the idea of rose peddles and a cute dinner set up in the livingroom, your boyfriends all propped in suits. Despite your better judgment, you know they were stepping out of their comfort time to give you the best they could do for the moment.

It was sweet, you adored the idea of having a home made and comfortable late evening. Especially when later you finally could get them in the real sheets. At some point, you genuinely didn't know when, they had all switched out of those same pristine suits for more casual clothing. You loved seeing them comfortable, but it had been weeks since you were able to touch any of them properly, so seeing them completely naked was a better sight.

Which is where you were now, heaving on seonghwas chest and almost completely jelly. "Love?" Yeosang cooed, palming your hair from your sweaty face, when did he come in? "Yeosang" you pawed at his chest, hooking your finger into his shirt to pull him down, kissing his lips softly. "Hi love, drink up" yeosang offered a waterbottle up to your lips. You gulp down the content, pushing it once you find you've drank enough.

Seonghwa scoots out from under you, placed next to hongjoong so he can comfortably lay without being half off the bed, the other member dragging him into his side so they can lay together. Yeosang swipes the drool on the side of your lips, pecking the corners after and then sweetly taking your swollen lips into his perfectly natural ones. Gentle and soft the way they brush against yours, dancing and playing with your bottom lip. He breaks away to set the waterbottle to the side, holding a hand out to make sure you're stable even if you're on all fours in front of him.

Yeosang feels you tug on his pants. His head stuttering back to look at you. "Need you inside too yeo, will you please fuck me?"

Who is he to deny any of your pleas? It's your birthday for fucks sake. He wastes no time in helping you face him, your front pressed to his chest. His shirt disregarded somewhere in the room, he lines his tip with your cum stained hole, smearing the amount of cum still lingering around you. Your arms slot over his shoulders, pulling him in tightly. His eyes never falter, pulling you by the thighs to get closer to him. He teases his cockhead against your hole, watching your tortured face with lidded eyes. "Yeosang" you draw out, wiggling your hips against his grasp, he chuckles, glancing down at the pout on your features. "What, can't handle a little foreplay?" He tuts, shaking his head lightly. "You just had four cocks using both of these pretty holes, you still need more? You're starting to sound greedy" he mumbles against your lips, teasingly pulling away the moment he sees your eyes glance down to them.

"It's okay, I love how greedy this pussy is for us" yeosang swipes himself through your folds one more time, pushing his way past your entrance, your eyes stutter closed, before he's yanking you back to look at him by his hand on your jaw. "I want to see you when I split you on my cock" his whisper is harsh, his eyes equally as so. Drowning you in the darkness of them the more he bottoms inside.

The bed dips behind you, heavy and squeaky. Yeosangs eyebrow perks up, glancing behind you. Yunhos soft voice coos your worries, placing gentle kisses against the expansion of your neck. "Look at that, such a champ. Think you could take one more?" Your mind is elsewhere, the second yeosangs pelvis meets yours, you can't help where your mind goes. "Answer him" yeosang encourages, jolting you up when he moves to get more comfortable against the headboard. "Yes I can take one more" your eyes cloud over, pressing your head into the junction of yeosangs neck to push your back out for yunho.

Yunhos smooth hand slap against your cheeks. You yelp, "That's so mean. You listen to yeosang but not me?" His hands sting, playing with the flesh he just bruised. You whimper against him, pressing against his touch the more he pushes against you. "m sorry yun" you pout, throwing your head back to look at your bigger boyfriend. He thinks about it, glaring down at your leaking hole.

"That's okay baby, just gonna give you a reminder of what my name is"

The tight walls of your second hole has yunho gasping, had you really been prepped enough? His cock eases in slowly. Glancing to the captain who's watching the show quietly from the side. Hongjoong catches his gaze, licking his lips as he smirks. "I prepped her, she's just tight" hongjoong sighs, as if reminiscing on being inside you. He's already gathering his clothing, slotting them over his hip and passing seonghwa his shirt.

"S'that right babe? Just got a tight little ass?" Yunho teases, holding your waist against him to bottom inside. The filling you're having leaving you willful to however they move you. Yeosangs hands pulling your thighs farther apart. Yeosang pulls out until he's halfway in, smoothing his hips up to begin an unrelenting pace against your cervix. Your breath is already intense, picking up moans the quicker he gets and the more yunho moves to his strokes.

The unison to each of them has you feeling like jello, clenching when yeosangs tip hits that gummy spot inside you, your toes curling against the sheet.

"Already, love? You last just as long as wooyoung"

The teasing phrase has you whimpering, poor wooyoung, and poor you. Your boyfriends could be mean when they really wanted. Especially yeosang, yunho, on the hand was more teasing. Yunhos long finger come over to circle your clit for the nth time that evening, waves of electricity bouncing off your body as every pass of his fingertips get you to comming quicker.

"Right there! Oh- pleasepleaseplease" you chant, vision whitening just as you cum, yeosang stutters with you. Cumming just as abruptly as you do. His head thrown against the headboard, breathy groans off the tip of his tongue and into the sex filled air. Sweat beads off yunhos forehead, watching your ass swallow his every thrust greedily. His fingers loosing their temple against your swollen and definitely abused clit. He flattens his hips against yours, cumming shortly with a shuddered gasp.

You take in all in both sides, falling into yeosang the second yunho begins to pull himself from your used hole. Your breathy whimper soothed down by yeosangs kisses against your temple. His hands holding your hip back so he can also pull himself out of you. The gloops of cum is an unruly sight, the towel mingi had promised placed on the side table. Yeosang scoops it up for you instead, kissing your face and then passing it to yunho to clean your behind.

"You did so good pretty" yeosang hums, nuzzling against your collarbone. "Mm yea, took it so well" yunho continues on for the other deep haired man, swiping the towel against your ass. You lay sideways on the bed the minute yeosang scoots away from you, gathering the soiled towel from the taller members grasp and leaving. Yunho swipes his thumb across your hip, kissing the skin softly. Jonghos soft head is poking in from the doorway, seemingly let off the hook from wooyoung. Yunho snickers, scooting off the end of the bed in his own pants, having put them on the second he pulled out of you.

You beckon the youngest with open arms, catching his strong hold in you own. He preens at the affection, loving your touch. "We don't have to if-" "jongho, if you don't take your pants off I'm going to rip them off" you murmur against his lips, adjusting so your on your tummy facing him. Jongho gulps quietly, fishing his hard on from his briefs.

You gather the saliva in your mouth, spitting it into your palm so you can begin pumping his swollen length. Hard and on standby for far too long. His eyes stutter close every so often the harder you tug, his hands finding each side of your cheeks. "Keep doing that" he moans quietly, helping your head to ease his cock down your throat. His breathy groans music to your ears, you take all of him down, kissing the patch of hair at the base of his cock. He watches you do so, eyes lidded and mouth lulled open.

"That's so hot," his hands come to wrap around your throat, pressing on his length buried to the hilt inside. He shudders against the pressure, tutting forward and throwing his head back whenever you gag. He loves the sound, bottoming in and out with every thrust. Your hands are placed on either side of his pant covered thighs, holding yourself carefully against his pace against your throat. Watching his eyes cloud and begin to get heavier the seconds pass inside your wet cavern. It's really not taking long for jongho to start pushing your head down himself, watching you gag and near up at such a big cock down your throat.

He breaths out a half-assed apology, rutting forward to slot himself between your lips and then pulling back to the hilt so he can watch the drool shake out of your mouth and around his hard cock.

"Babe, 'm gonna cum in your pretty throat okay?" He whimpers quietly, moaning through every rough suck or slurp played through your mind. Jonghos sloppy pace slowing the minute he looks back down at your teary gaze.

He cums down your throat, pooling around the corner of your lips and dripping off your face.

Fuck, what a good day.

[swolesome]

Transmasc Tumblr, I need you.

I dunno if there's a rallying cry or some kind of ancient incantation I gotta bust out, but HEY TRANSMASC FOLKS AND TRANS MEN, EXCUSE ME PLEASE. I'm a trans dude with a small-ish YouTube channel working on a video about the erasure of transmasculinity, particularly in the wake of the recent debacle involving a former YouTuber who I won't mention directly but his name rhymes with Sames Jomerton. His plagiarism of Alexander Avila and Jes Tom, and outright misgendering of ND Stevenson got me fired up about how often we're overlooked or merely an asterisk in queer discourse, so much so that even those of us in this community need to search high and low for resources on our history and health care. So I'd like to hear from you. If you're comfortable, I'd love for anyone who's part of this community (and not a transmedicalist) to message me directly with something you wish more people knew about us, or an anecdote about one of your experiences (happy, sad, angering, your call.) A paragraph or two is ideal--for longer posts, I will likely not be able to include them in their entirety, but I will quote them where I can. If you'd like to be involved, please let me know if you'd prefer to be anonymous or to have your name dropped and socials linked; I'm hoping for the latter given that the idea is to shout out more artists and creators, but I want to give the anons space to be heard, too. You can also help by recommending transmasc YouTubers (especially essayists) who could use more eyes! I'm looking for more creators to enjoy personally, and I'd love to shout them out if it would help them. If y'all could reblog this, I'd be very appreciative, and if you read all of this, dog bless you. 💙 And an extra special thanks to @socksonat3am for being such a great friend with exceptional meme game. He blindsided me with a compliment so now I'm getting him back because he needs to know how talented and delightful and magical he is. Take that, Socks. Get absolutely treasured.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Various HH characters x autistic!reader

Prize 1/5 for @coldsushisworld ! I hope you enjoy!

This post includes: charlie, vaggie, alastor, Lucifer, adam, and lute

CHARLIE

Honestly I can see Charlie herself being somewhere on the spectrum! So she can relate to you in some way when you're having some struggles. Shes so so accommodating when it comes to your needs, quite literally bending over backwards to make sure the hotel is a safe space for you. Theres likely a sensory room somewhere in the hotel, where you (or really anyone!) Can go to unwind and just vibe. Protective of you, as she is with everyone else she cares about. You.. may have to get her to cool it if things get a little too heated. Warm and smells like apple pie, and I dont know about you guys but that's possibly one of the most pleasing and calming combos

VAGGIE

Very quick to shut things down if someone tries to get on your case for your needs for whatever reason, same goes for anyone who does it without intending to be harmful/doing it unknowingly. Shes your guard dog, and shes going to make sure you're safe mentally and physically. Likely stands trying to choose between different fidgets to pack for an outing trying to determine which one might come more in handy. Packs both. Actually she definitely has a pack somewhere for you that has a bunch of items to carry on you to help you out (water, headphones, ect ect). Despite that she does think you're capable and will step back if her worries cause her to overstep and make you feel bad. Vaggie does tend to have trouble gauging how much effort and feeling into things

ALASTOR

In the nicest way possible, he does not care. Obviously he doesn't care in the "I dont care that you're ND and I'm not going to avoid doing things that trigger you", it's a "I dont care because it is what it is", and besides hes got manners! Sometimes the static ambience around him can be comforting, like white noise.. sometimes he hums or softly plays music if you need something to focus on during an overwhelming moment. However if it makes things worse it's getting cut the second you say something. You're the only person allowed into his radio tower, if you need an escape

LUCIFER

As stated above I headcanon that Charlie is somewhere in the spectrum so he already has an idea of what to do to make things easier and more welcoming for you! Thankfully his home isnt too chaotic and he doesnt usually switch up his routine so if routines mean a lot for you Lucifer is your man! Puts his crafting skills to good use and makes you personalized fidget toys! He loves talking to you but if you need him to be quiet for a while he'll be understanding and work quietly on his ducks. Similarly to his daughter he doesnt let anyone try to make you feel bad for trying to tend to your needs. Though hes less of a pushover/holds his temper a little easier than charlie, but hes still quick to shut anything down

ADAM

In the beginning he can be a little.... how does one say this nicely? Not the best.. hes not at all educated so you're probably going to have to sit him down and find a way to get him to listen. Hes a little misguided when it comes to helping you moving forward but there is a new added effort in there. Takes you away from environments that are too overwhelming for you, or tells everyone to shut the hell up.. which might make things worse thanks to his shouting. He's got the spirit but his methods are not the best. His wings are soft and as long as you dont pluck anything out, he let's you run your fingers through his feathers. Would get sucked into those sensory and/or asmr videos with you

LUTE

I can see her being on the spectrum too tbh but I dont think shes aware, so anytime you try to bring up the possibility of her being ND she kind of just dismisses it. "Everyone does that," mindset. While she doesnt totally understand all of your habits and needs, she still does her best to make sure you're satisfied. She can be callous with others, often causing conflict to those who choose not to listen to an exterminator.. though to heavens citizens what status to exterminators have..? Shrugs. Shes a little.. tense? Harsh? No harsh sounds mean. Shes not used to being tender for someone else, so this is all a learning process for her.. its going to take a while before she grows accustomed to you autism or not.. but shes trying, because she does love you even if shes not used to these feelings!

[luimagines]

*Your requests are open, its 2:30am and I'm craving First content.*

You know that scene in HTTYD2 with Stoick and Valka

"Go on! Shout! Scream! Say something!"

"You're as beautiful as the day I lost you"

Either First as Stoick or as Valka would be interesting (or if First refuses to cooperate, Warriors or Twilight or Time would be fun)

*not me saying to myself I hope I'm bulletproof cause this is about to hurt*

Insanity, I'm going to run wild with this, thank you.

Masterlist

Content under the cut!

First wasn't about to let anyone get close to him. Not again.

He knew that he was still young enough to find someone to settle down with, but ever since you left, he couldn't find it in his heart to seek another.

There's a hole in his heart in your shape that was never to be filled again.

Then he was arrested. For a crime he didn't commit.

That was enough for him to give up. If he was to spend the rest of his days here, then so be it. The people have made their choice. He was a hollow man anyway.

The days crept by slowly. There was very little he could do the past the time except for daydream about a time where he was younger nd more carefree. A time when you were still by his side.

He had hoped to have a family. To be a father and raise children.

Dashed to pieces and scattered by the wind, his dreams failed to bring up happy memories and left him with dreamless and futile sleep.

Years go by and eventually he's set free at last. He's not as strong as he used to be but the people need him to fight. He's not sure how he's going to do that at this point, but if he is to die; then he would rather go down a hero.

It's not like you'll be there to patch him up at the end of the day anyway.

Instead, as he opens his eyes after the fight, there's another bandaging his wounds. He's vaguely aware that he won the fight and that he's lost a lot of blood but that's about it.

The rest of his life is lived in a haze.

He's sent to go find a special item for the people now that he's proven himself again but there's little that'll prove to Link that it exists.

Instead he finds a cave that he's been explored before and enters it with little thought. He's not expecting much. If there's monsters in here then he can dispose of them and call it a day before he goes back to town and tells the people that there was no such item.

"S-stay back!"

He freezes and raises his lantern. Link's greeted by massive crystals covering the walls of the rock, mirroring the light from his lantern and lighting up the small space as it is.

There's a cloth on the floor and a few supplies.

But that's not what has his attention.

"....It's you..." You breathe and panic seems to fill your system.

Link can only stare. It's as if you're here to haunt him, only you don't seem happy to see him. He can't find it in himself to complain though. He's wanted to see you at least one last time all these years. He wonders if he's actually dying a second time and this was a gift bestowed on him for doing his duty.

"I... I know what you're going to say, Link." You wince and try to stand. You're hurt... Or rather, you have been hurt. It must be difficult to move. "I know that you'd ask why I left. Why I stayed away all these years... and why I didn't come back to you..."

Link takes a step forward and you scramble the best you can to your feet despite the obvious pain. His heart clenches. The questions you throw at him are already answered for him. It would have been difficult to come back to him even if you wanted to.

You being to tear up. "I'm sure you'd want to know everything. A-and I know that I was wrong. I knew from the start. But I couldn't-"

He steps closer, gently putting his lantern on the floor so that it still lights up the place.

Your voice only seem to grow higher and more frantic. "I couldn't! Link, please. Not like this. I couldn't. Please believe me!"

He does and steps closer.

"Link! Answer me. Shout! Scream! I don't care if you start throwing things! Just say something!"

He stops in front of you, trapping you against the wall of the cave. He reaches out and hesitates before tucking a piece of your overgrown hair behind your ear.

"You're just as beautiful as the day I lost you."

Your tears fall as he leans to kiss you, to solidify this dream, to prove to himself that he's not hallucinating.

You don't kiss him back, but that's ok. You're real and you're here and you're alive.

This is far better than any item he was sent to find.

[thejagermeister]

this might be a controversial opinion so i will preface by saying that max is one of my favorite characters in hatchetfield and i love him very much. however

i think some folks take parts of his canon characterization (namely, his emotional intelligence and the fact that he acts kinda sweet after the prank reveal) and their neurodivergent/queer/etc headcanons (which are perfectly valid! i am an "autistic trans girl max" guy through and through) and arrive to the conclusion that max wasn't actually that bad of a bully.

as in, he didn't bully the nerds for showing queer/nd traits, he bullied them for other reasons. but like. what other reasons would he have.

like sure, he flick-it tickets richie for being in his hallway, but that's because richie "stinks the place up," and max doesn't want that in his space. richie's self-proclaimed overactive sweat glands are either a health issue or a nd hygiene issue or a combination of both.

he targets pete because of the rumor that he has a small dick. some folks use this as evidence for trans pete (i wholeheartedly agree) but even if you don't consider it from that angle, it's still body-shaming.

ghost!max makes fun of ruth for daring to engage with her dream hobby in privacy. he makes pun after pun about theatre to rub it in. the whole point of bullying is to isolate people who are different, whether they're nd, queer, poor, people of color, disabled, etc...

the takeaway from the "difference between intent and impact" scene is that he uses his emotional intelligence and "inclusive" vocabulary to manipulate people, not that he actually learns anything about inclusion. he'd know what transgender means and would probably say he isn't transphobic, use all the "right" language, but then turn around and make fun of pete for his body.

the "bully uses victim's preferred pronoun!" memes are funny and i'm not trying to police anyone's fandom experience by saying you can't talk about max like that. softening his harsher traits in fanfic where the focus isn't on a max redemption isn't like, a crime. do whatever you want. but sometimes i get the feeling people straight-up forget the way he acts towards the nerds in canon.

to me, the appeal of a max redemption arc is that he goes from a terrible, cruel, arguably traumatized person, to someone who's willing to learn from his mistakes and make amends. not that he was already kind of an okay guy to begin with.

[krypticcafe]

May I request call of duty boys with an autistic s/o? As an autistic person I think they’d all be very helpful with their partner and their needs. Their partner is having a bit of a rough day and they’ve gone nonverbal and just need the comfort of a safe person so they can unmask. (I totally hc Ghost as autistic so maybe he and his partner just vibe in silence together)

COD:MW boys w/an autistic partner

rating: general

character(s): GN!Reader, John Price, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo Parra, König, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Hound

word count: ~5.2k

warning(s): possible inaccuracies, mentions of autism symptoms, mentions of masking, lotsa comfort 'n fluff

a/n: as per usual, feel free to tell me if I've misrepresented or misinformed. I'm undiagnosed, but extremely certain that I'm ND so I've included experiences I found that I share with autism symptoms :] On the other hand, idgaf about realistic military limits on medical issues and medication, this is literally fanfiction and not that deep.

beta reader: ChordataUtopia on ao3

Price

I'd like to think with his time in the military, he's probably had acquaintances, friends, or subordinates who are on the spectrum, so at the very least, he knows what to expect and has a few mental notes on it.

So it's not a problem for him when he sees it on your file.

It's when you become a thing that he actually starts researching about it, and really in-depth, the same way he would when doing background checks.

He's a pretty fast talker, so you have trouble keeping up with all the info he throws at you sometimes. At first, he thought you weren't paying attention, but then he realized you just had issues trying to process so much at once, which is vastly different when compared to how he can take in a bunch at a time. He's learned to be more concise, and surprisingly, it's helped some of the others on the team, too.

One of the perks of dating a captain is getting to know the plans and schedules ahead of everyone and being one of the first to know about any last-minute alterations.

Whenever you're starting to feel overstimulated on base, Price has an eye out for you and calls you to his office. It's a subtle and easy way for him to take you out of a situation and pull you somewhere safe. After all, no one bothers to question the captain's orders.

Although the military doesn't really have quiet rooms, the two of you found that his office is the only place aside from your shared quarters where you can feel safe and sound. Everyone respects Price's office space, so it's always nice and tranquil there. He's used to this one-on-one time so he keeps your favorite drink in a mini-fridge, something for you to fidget with quietly, and an extra comfy chair for you, along with medication if you need any.

Turns out, the voice of a captain is also helpful for keeping you grounded. It isn't aggressive, it isn't demanding, it's firm. He helps keep you in the moment when you feel your mind drift from your body, whether in private or on a mission. He's also direct and doesn't beat around the bush, so misunderstandings are rare.

If you take medication, it used to be difficult for you to get it restocked. Healthcare system and all its perks. But now, after dating John, strangely enough, it seems you get it on time almost always and hand-delivered by him. Hm.

His favorite thing to do is to listen to your rambles while he does his paperwork. You're worried you're bothering him, but he just responds with, "Not at all, love. I wouldn't trade this moment for the world," and tells you to continue discussing whatever you are particularly interested or fascinated about.

John doesn't tell you, but he sometimes wishes he had more paperwork just to spend more time with you in the office.

Gaz

Probably has had neurodivergent friends or family, and doesn't know a lot about the matter, but he's open-minded from the start.

He's a quick learner, too. Not just in combat but with your relationship. He notices your little habits, what makes you tick, and what keeps you in the zone.

And thank whatever being above that you were blessed with such a patient man. If you're having difficulties wrapping your head around a concept or directions, he'll explain it in a way you can understand. Sometimes, people talk too fast, too quietly, or too vague. Gaz finds that there's no shame in it.

One of the things he notices is that sometimes you mimic how he talks, like certain phrases or words. Especially if you're non-UK. Some of your repeated phrases are "oh my days", "cheers", or "takin' the piss". Fluent accent and all. He doesn't find it insulting or strange, he thinks it's actually pretty cute and doesn't poke fun at you for it.

Usually, he's not a fan of when people get too chatty with him, but it's you. He can't find himself getting irritated when you're talking so passionately about your special interest, latest hyper fixation, or whatever got to you because he knows you're being your genuine self and not talking out of your ass.

Your eyes light up, you're no longer using the tone of a soldier with all its formalities, yet you articulate the more and more you converse with him. Your hands even start to fidget and flap when you get deep in discussion.

"Keep going, love. I'm listening." He smiles at you from the corner of his eye, reorganizing his locker. It's meaningful to him, being the one person you trust to listen and engage when you need a break from masking.

He's got an eye for when you're having an out-of-body experience, helping you keep your head in missions without belittling you for feeling elsewhere.

Overstimulated or overwhelmed? Don't worry, he's got you. Kyle has his headphones on him a lot of the time whenever he can. When he sees your eyes looking in the distance or darting around while you feel your skin itch and your mind's a blur, he pops them on you and turns up a playlist he's made with your favorites.

In other cases, he's either scouting a spot for you to retreat to or verbally guiding you until you can unwind.

Sometimes when he can't immediately stick to your side or assist you, he'll take his cap and put it on you with a gentle smile. It's his way of saying that he notices you and to hang on just a bit, he'll be right there as soon as he's done, love.

Ghost

Autistic Ghost truther right here!!

I like to think Ghost always suspected he wasn't neurotypical, and would eventually get diagnosed. But ever since meeting you, it's only sped up his realization. Especially when he saw the difference between whether you're masking or not. It really hit him like a barrel of trucks that day.

He came to you first about it, trying to play it off as curiosity and just wanting to be more informed, but even if you aren't well-versed with body language or small cues, you could just tell that the gears were starting to turn in his head.

While you knew numerous factors led to your blossoming relationship, you like to think the trust you two built after you helped him come to terms with his autism kickstarted it all.

You quickly realized how much of it has gone unnoticed, how eerily good he was at masking himself. He claimed he was more comfortable with the 141 and that outside of that, he was just fulfilling his role as lieutenan- oh my god, you're right.

He gets ticked off when there's a change in plans if a last-minute decision is made but he bites his tongue about it, despises it when people aren't straightforward, prefers bluntness, sits in the far and darker corners of the mess hall where it's calmer, or just avoids it altogether and eats in his room, doesn't understand when people think he's being rude or mean, the list goes on.

There is... a lot to uncover.

But it's all worth it for the little things.

Like when you two created a subtle way to tell each other "I love you" when the words won't come out, three little taps on the inside of the wrist.

Or when you both need to unwind after a particularly triggering mission and you just can't articulate yourselves. No one else notices it and passes it off as you two just being quieter than you usually are, but the two of you catch onto each other like wildfire.

You'll retreat into your quarters and sit on the bed, back-to-back in the dark, where Simon can pull off the mask to just breathe and you can just feel. A comfortable silence lingers in the air while your hearts sync until one of you breaks the silence.

"Absolute trainwreck that one was, huh?" One of you dryly chuckles.

And the other mutters back, "You can say that again."

There's this one particular memory he has of when you surprised him with a gift one day. He wasn't much of a taker than a giver, but seeing how giddy you were, he couldn't decline.

Opening it, he was surprised with a custom butterfly knife, an obsidian-black handle with silver engravings of skulls, thorns, and roses, along with his initials on the blade. You remembered his interest in knives and how he tended to mess with them as a stim, so you bought him a knife he could flip around smoothly and quietly while still keeping up appearances.

With the way he looked at it, someone would've assumed you just proposed to him with a diamond ring or something.

You expected him to put it in his collection, but he uses it a lot in his spare time.

He keeps it in top condition and never leaves it unless he has to.

Soap

He's heard of it, met people with it, though he doesn't quite understand it yet. Johnny's tried to look into it but finds most sources sound contradicting to each other or just don't make sense compared to the experiences you describe and the ones that others have.

You tell him it's fine, you appreciate the effort, and it's okay if he occasionally asks questions when appropriate.

If there's one thing about him, it's that he's quick and creative when it comes to accommodating you. He carries extra earplugs with him on missions and comes up with signals for you to use when you have trouble expressing, so it's easier for him to figure out what you need (turns out he's a visual learner, too).

He makes it ridiculously easy to unmask, too, always so happy to see you, to listen, to talk—he just loves you so much. Something about his energy and how he can slowly and gently open you up like a treasured, well-kept, and well-loved book with just that sweet tone of his.

Sometimes when you're stuck in your head, he pretends he's performing surgery to remove your brain or something, making little silly little noises and tracing your forehead like he's cutting it, a little pop! and he's all "Now you cannae think 'bout anythin'", and it's so stupid but works.

You find the best thing he can do is just hold you. He's got this firm hold that makes you feel like you're wrapped in a warm blanket and a strong heartbeat that reverberates through you. You'd tend to count the beats in your head and just allow yourself to be absorbed in his embrace.

It's all just a few of the numerous things he's done to improve your relationship.

But you have to be real with him for a moment.

You guys know that one tiktok audio? The one that's like:

"I ain't sure what HD is but the doctor said I got 80 of them bitches! WOOO—"

Yeah, Johnny, don't think we haven't noticed.

One day, he lightheartedly jokes that he relates to some of what you go through and that maybe he's autistic, too.

"Well... you're not too far off."

"Haha, what?"

So turns out the MacTavish family has a whole history of ADHD and ADD. His family's always had an inkling, but Soap's natural personality just really blurred the lines.

To be honest, it was so obvious. The way the two of you would parrot each other and your teammates, how he banged his fists on tables whenever he got really excited or antsy, couldn't stand still when he'd constantly be shifting his weight between his feet, popped his lips to break silence, all the impulses that get him in trouble a lot of the time, random bouts of eery calmness, his hyperfocus when working on a new project, the time you caught him unconsciously imitating the sound of the heart monitor after he nearly blew himself up in an accident, you get the idea.

Soap's love language, from physical affection and words of affirmation, is gift-giving! The moment he sees something that reminds him of you, what you like, or something you've been talking about a lot lately, he gets so excited to see your reaction when he surprises you with it and is practically bouncing with anticipation.

Definitely made you cute little cue cards with silly doodles, and even some with Scottish slang. He was especially proud of these.

Roach

He gets you. He really, really, really gets you.

Roach, are you perhaps neurodivergent?

You wouldn't be surprised. You figured he was ever since he explained how he wasn't Deaf or completely mute. He just said he felt nonverbal a lot of the time, selectively mute. That was something that really clicked with you.

In fact, you found he was the easiest to talk to about it. He didn't have many questions other than asking what made you uncomfortable and if you wanted him to teach you some ASL.

You said yes, of course.

Before you were a couple, you were best friends. Practically inseparable with energies complimenting each other. No one was surprised when you guys became public, much to your own surprise.

Learning ASL has been one of the most helpful things Roach has done for your guys' relationship; you don't feel as isolated in your nonverbal state. It also helps clear up misunderstandings with the rest of the team sometimes when one of you can communicate on the other's part. You still struggle with some expressions periodically, but you're pretty fluent!

There is so much open communication in your relationship, it's just a fresh breath of air, holy shit. But the negative part to that is when there is a misunderstanding, it can get a little messy, not horrible, but just kind of overwhelming for the both of you where you need to take a breather and just tune out in your heads for a bit before you can approach each other again.

Overstimulation comes more easily to you than it does to Roach, so you often find yourself either going to him or him leading you somewhere more private where you can quietly wind down.

On a more positive note, you guys have the most energetic of conversations. You'll both be spewing out hyperfixes, random thoughts, and interests, some of Roach's being random facts about zoology or history facts (his favorite are the world wars, unsurprisingly).

"The Egyptians believed that the most significant thing you could do with your life was die."

"Sick."

You two jump from subject to subject, then return to one only to forget what you were supposed to talk about, then move on to something else before remembering what was supposed to be said, and then dropping the conversation altogether like nothing happened.

The entirety of Task Force 141 and SpecGru has given up on trying to interrupt these moments for any reason besides work, it's been proven fruitless. You guys are simply too far in the deep end, there is no saving from hyperfix hell.

Gary's also like a crow, he memorized your interests and whenever he sees something related to that, like a trinket when he's out and about, he'll buy it for you. You two do this to the point where it's kinda getting cluttered in your quarters...

Alejandro

Yeah, I'm afraid he's a little undereducated about it, growing up in an environment with a stigma over mental health issues type of deal.

Don't worry, he's not bigoted by any means, just confused about what it's exactly about because of how much misinformation is out there. I think there was a time when he might've believed in some stereotypes and acted rudely about it, except that was when he was really young and dumb.

When he told you this, it broke your heart, but for a different reason. You told him it wasn't his fault, he was raised in an environment that provided little awareness on the issue, that's just how many people are raised. As much as you hate to admit it, that's just how the majority of the world is. What matters is that he acknowledged he was wrong, and that he was just a kid.

"You're too kind, mi sol," He murmurs, pressing a kiss on your knuckles.

"And you're too hard on yourself, love." You respond, cradling the side of his face with a smile.

Unintentionally or not, meeting you led him to realize he might have his own difficulties with his mental health. After all, being colonel would take a toll on anyone, and after the events involving the Shadows? He needs a break above anyone else in the Vaqueros.

Much like Price, he's learned to create as much of a supportive environment for you and the rest of his soldiers with a general no-tolerance policy on ableist bullshit.

Sometimes, it can be a little challenging for him to reach out to you or vice versa, largely because of his busy schedule and job as commander. He can't indulge you as much as he wishes. Patience was something the two of you had to learn and overcome in your relationship.

But if you really need him, or if you're having a difficult time while he's preoccupied, you give him a few taps on the shoulder, and he gives you a nod mid-conversation with a subordinate. At the end of the day, he comes and finds you, and asks you a few questions you can answer with a simple nod or shake of your head. You trace a heart into his palm, a straightforward reminder, and he smiles and kisses your forehead.

It takes a while, but he carefully unravels you with gentle comfort, just holding you, and taking your time. He's not the most patient man, but for you, he certainly tries. When you finally start returning to yourself, no longer the soldier or the "different one". Just you. He greets you with a kiss and listens to whatever you say for the rest of the night.

It's worth the wait, so long as you're in his arms.

Rodolfo

Rudy has a similar situation to Alejandro. The only difference is that it never quite sat right with him as a kid. Ultimately, it led him to educate himself and seek out actual resources.

He could never understand the stigma, too naive as a child only to find out the truth when he was older. Somehow, it hurt him too, maybe because of how he shared some qualities.

He figured he wasn't autistic, but he knew he wasn't neurotypical either, tiny impulses here and there constantly proving him right, ways that he didn't connect with other people. Meeting you had only confirmed it for himself.

At first, he never noticed it, you were usually masking in front of them all anyway. But when he started to spend more time with you in between missions and get to know the real you, he started to see how vastly different you were when he first met you.

The comment slips out and he apologizes, but you laugh it off as his friend and closest confidant. It's hard to really put it into words, but he understands, he always does. You learn that early on in your relationship.

Instead of words, he uses gestures to console you. Acts of service is his kind of love language. Helping you with your work, doing all the chores you couldn't bring yourself to do that day, the simple things. Mugs of warm drinks, a little mazapán or gansito, a treat to quell your mind a little. A small nostalgic snack break always helps him in hard times between all the work, so he hopes you enjoy them, too. Expect him to join you whenever he's feeling a little out of it.

You worry that it feels like an excuse to hog him to yourself when it isn't. He's always willing—even if it was a ploy, he wouldn't mind it all that much. Seeing you ease up makes him come out of his shell, too. It's something good for both of you.

"Need a refill, cariño?"

You shake your head, "No, just... stay? Please?"

"Of course." He beams in a way that has your heart nearly skipping a beat despite how long you've been together. Maybe you should marry him on the spot.

There are moments when he holds you that you hear him humming his favorite songs. You tell him he has a wonderful voice, but he bashfully denies it. However, it doesn't stop him from humming, not when it helps bring you back down to earth or get a compliment out of you after some silence.

König

Doesn't exactly know what it is, thought it was like a bad trait or something because someone called him autistic once as a kid, but in a derogatory way. Made you go 'yikes' and explain the whole thing. He apologized for his initial shock when you told him you were autistic and felt disgusted when he realized why he was called that back then.

He's quick to pick up on your cues, mood differences, or how you process things. After all, he gave himself a trained eye from all that sniper training.

The first time you were nonverbal around him, he was slightly worried. It was after an arduous mission that had you completely knackered, mentally and physically. He thought you were in a state of shock or something, and he was about to call a medic before you dragged him away and had to physically force him not to. Later, you had to explain to him what happened again, but he was still a little concerned for your wellbeing.

You're well aware and so is he that he probably has ADHD and social anxiety, but to be honest, you wouldn't actually doubt the idea that he could be autistic either.

You both noticed it when you were ranting about how annoying some of your habits were, whether it be an inability to properly express emotions, an inability to understand social cues, the need to mask around others, or how much certain sensations bothered you when they shouldn't because it's so stupid that they do. He'd often respond with, "Oh, I do that too!" or "Yeah, I have that sometimes." At first, you thought he related to some of the lighter symptoms shared with people in general, but then it came to a point where he related a bit too much that you had to let yourself think about whether your boyfriend just happened to have the double whammy of ADHD and autism.

Chances were likely.

One thing that surprised König when you two discussed how he could help comfort you is lying on top of you.

"But Schatz, I'm too big, I would crush you, like a weight or something."

"Oh sweetheart... that's the point."

Genuinely, he's a wonderful makeshift weighted blanket with the great addition of being your boyfriend. It's the perfect distraction for your mind to focus on something and someone else—the weight of his body weight distributed on yours, your breathing synced with his, his heartbeat against your chest, and just having someone to hold.

Loves it when you start parroting and picking up some of his phrases, especially the German ones. He'll ignore the pronunciations if they're bad, but he's just gleaming with pride when he sees you taking out an enemy and spitting German curses at them the same way he does. Practically makes goo-goo eyes on the battlefield.

Horangi

Same thing about being brought up in an environment that isn't the most informed nor supportive about neurodivergence. He's not the proudest of his younger self, and he knows he's made some mean remarks about it as a dumb kid, but he's long since moved on. Getting out into the world has taught him to grow more tolerant and understanding, but he's still ashamed of the ignorant stuff he did.

He worries that you'll hate him for it, despite it being ages ago. He's used to being reminded of his mistakes and failures, such as his gambling addiction and delinquency.

What he struggles with most is trying to find a way to comfort you or help you unwind. He's not great with words since he's worried about screwing something up, so the most he can do is pull you somewhere the two of you can be alone and give you space.

But that doesn't mean he doesn't try. He tries several things, like keeping your favorite snacks on hand, doodling on your skin with his markers to distract you, getting some music playing, earplugs on hand, and stuff that he knows he can't royally fuck up.

You propose that he creates some cute cue cards for you so that it helps him figure out your needs, and you don't miss how he tries to hide his eagerness. He presents you with the cards all connected on a metal ring, red, blue, and black doodles with words in both English and Korean, acting like he just did it on a whim when the amount of care and love put into it is obvious.

One of the cards only has a single phrase on it in Korean, and you already knew it. You still asked.

"Hong-jin, what does this say?"

"Ah- uh... 사랑해요 (saranghaeyo)."

"Mind telling me?"

"... good job?"

"Uh-huh... so why are there so many hearts?"

"Because you think I did a really good job..?"

Again, he's not great with words. That includes letting you know that he wants to be told "I love you" more.

Lightheartedly calls you a nerd once when you ramble about your hyperfixations or special interest, only for you to fire back with a comment about his K-pop collection of albums, signatures, fancams, photocards, lightsticks...

"That's not the sam- no... dammit, no."

Face the music, Horangi. Your special interest is K-pop and each new album is just another hyperfix. You're just as much of a nerd.

Hound

Autism? Okay, but the fuck does that have to do with you blasting the enemy with an RPG right now?

Honestly, he thought you just had some strange quirks and issues. Maybe you were like him. He figured he was just "broken" in some way, that they were "weaknesses" of his. The more he spent time with you, the more he questioned why he is the way he is.

Yet he doesn't judge you because he most likely knows how it feels to be in that position, and he wants to be the support he doesn't have but wishes he had.

Actually, that's the real glue of your relationship—how easily Hound adapts to your structures and needs without question. If it conflicts with theirs, they won't hesitate to directly address it and work it out with you. You return the same energy and reassure him he's not alone in feeling this way. Hell, you make him feel normal for once.

Both of you have issues verbalizing, so you'll be tracing hearts, question marks, checks, and x's on each others' palms. They even teach you Morse code to tap little phrases. You never need to worry about miscommunication if you're direct with them. They're always direct with you, and they hate when people aren't specific.

Hound's not much of a talker, but they're definitely a listener, and they could honestly listen to you talk for days. If someone dares to interrupt you or criticize you for talking too much because he "seems like he's not interested" and you're "taking up his time", he shoots them a glare to fuck off.

Most likely, your interests will become his interests, too.

You notice they mask almost constantly but act much more natural, tender, and less structured when they're around you, showing a side of themselves with a variety of emotions no one else would ever see either. More human, and less war dog.

You both like to be alone, but alone together. Hound used to ask you to leave him alone whenever he needed to self-isolate but started to let you stick around when they needed a moment. The two of you are much more physically affectionate and even more talkative, and you both value the trust you grant each other to show the more vulnerable side of yourselves. You guys are woven like thread; the moment one unravels, so does the other.

Sometimes, all it takes is a weak smile from you or his hands interlocking with yours to find the calm in the storm.

a/n 2: I'm back, teehee :3

[planefood]

Autism and Isolation, discussing my experience and my characters

I think i've said here before that my robot characters represent my experience growing up disabled where I live. My characters being robots specifically were made to represent feelings of being made to feel less human in some way due to it. While all my characters in that story are on the spectrum and represent different parts of my experience, I used Mikey as the cover of this post because he represents a certain part of myself that makes me incredibly attached to him (there's a reason I say I like writing him so much, despite him not being the main protagonist). He's the part of me that understands I need help with things but is too afraid to ask leaving me in horrible positions, he's the part of me who screams in public when I feel trapped, he's the part of me that could probably never live by myself, he's the part of me who's scared and vulnerable. Among other things. But also he's the part of me who, like many of my peers, feels isolated in everyday spaces and autistic spaces alike due to peoples perceptions of what autism "should" be, these same people welcome fidget toys and stimming with open arms turn around and think its okay to call me the r slur or infantalise me or make fun of until I cry. But I only cry because I thought i'd be welcomed in those spaces with my autistic peers and I cry because I told my younger self it would get better and people would be nicer to us once we were an adult with like minded people. These same people who, despite being open and proud about supporting neurodiversity still think its okay to use the word autistic as an insult against me. I feel like while people appear so much more accepting of disabled people with these small gestures than I was when I was growing up, I still feel like an outsider in these spaces but this time it feels like I've hit a wall. Like a, "who will support me if the people who are meant to don't?" it leads to a lot of insecurity and self loathing, it makes me feel like I'm not autistic in the "right way" and there's just something wrong with me as a person. I wrote these into Mikey, which makes him seem like he has a 'thin skin' to people like Tandy. Mikey, in my story, is often left behind or teased by other characters in my story even the ones who are also on the spectrum. They also struggle with their own battles with facing ableism and self hatred due to it but don't realise the first step to tackling that is unpacking how they treat others around them. You'll never be able to love your true authentic autistic self if you throw ableist rhetoric at people around you. That includes saying shit like "I'm autistic and I don't act like that guy does whats their excuse" or "I'm not making fun of them because they're autistic they just act weird" I'm low support needs autistic, I've seen how people treat high support needs autistic people and its even more sickening, other low support needs autistic people like to pretend they don't exist or throw them under the bus to make themselves more appealing to ableists: "See autistic people don't actually act like that, support me because I can mask" or even trying to say autism isn't a disability. My characters and writing while being a representation of myself being disabled is also a scathing criticism of the cruelty I see in the world at large, the cruelty I see in other people in ND and disabled communities and the cruelty I see within myself. I get scared about my future with how people treat me, but when I have characters I can write these struggles into it makes it a little easier. I know there's people who love me for who I am and there's people out there who love you guys for who you are too.

[lains-reality]

q&a

a q and a of most of my asks

basics

where do i start?

what do ppl who follow ND have as a "goal"?

is it necessary to read the book?

could you simplify non-duality in a few sentences?

how do i observe ego?

how do i practice letting my thoughts and emotions pass throughout the day?

i feel like i keep going back to my human body-self-mind. how do i stop this?

how do i just apply?

do i have to quiet the mind?

how is life a dream and also self?

if we choose what to take real or not, is ego truly real?

how to stop battling the ego?

who's the one thinking? Who's the thinker?

thoughts that come up in the mind and thoughts that don't

how to not get involved with the ego?

realising Self instantly?

my thoughts won't stop?

other questions

i am still trying to understand the concept of space-time.

does continuity not exist?

does remembering the past make it current?

what is imagination?

is detachment important?

what is self inquiry?

why would consciousness express in this body? why does manifestation exist? why do we still suffer?

ego worries

how would one approach in the dualistic perspective of being rejected, the need for validation, not feeling chosen?

i have to give up?? but i have a life and responsibilities?

how do i deal with the worst time of my life? / i've put my life on hold (tw: health problems, sa, death)

my ego lives such a boring life

my ego, how to make it stop calling me delusional? i have anxiety

dissociation and nondualism

how do things happen?

even if thoughts aren't me, they still limit me (+ how to view everything as self?)

if i really can't understand non-duality is it better to just go back to loa?

for people who want to ask more 'practical' or 'ego' orientated questions about circumstances than spiritual

progress

how do I remove the urge of trying to let this click?

I don’t actually really know how to apply any ND knowledge

i get really confused why they say stop trying to realize that you are oneness

i'm trying so hard and nothing is happening!

it feels like i'm just forcing myself... / self inquiry

am i supposed to just keep observing this character till what? what should i do now?

i can't understand anything...

desires / choosing a different character

materialisation

"nothing is materialising!!"

what's the point of all this detachment if nothing seems to materialise?

how do we "choose a different character?"

is this not like loa?

using nondualism as a way to get something material?

If we are not gonna change the world through non-dualism then through what we can change it?

i need to manifest instantly please help

i don't understand what to do about desires

how do i fix a big problem?

what will take care of the problems?

what is the point of being God if there is no desiring?

sp question

void state question

i don’t understand how when i imagine something is already happening?

i have to do something i don't want to do...

changing the past

how to just choose what i want?

[whattadroid]

I rewatched alien: romulus with subtitles this time so if you (like me) were looking for spelling/names OR might be able to answer some small lore questions, I'll list them all under the cut :)

(I apologize in advance for the shitty formatting. I typed this all out like an animal and I truly do not know how to edit tumblr formatting lmao)

Characters:

Marie Raine Carradine (Rain), Andy (model number ND-225, also: could that be a positronic man reference? Positronic Man's Andrew was NDR-113 but the ND -> Andrew thing felt too similar to ignore), Tyler, Kay (Tyler's sister), Bjorn (Tyler and Kay's cousin, also the father of Kay's unborn baby), Navarro, and Rook (same model as Ash from Alien, Rook is his surname and he has an unknown first name I believe)

Places:

Jackson (a WY mining colony), Yvaga III (a non Weyland-Yutani solar system which apparently means that androids are not allowed there which is INCREDIBLY interesting to me), Corbelan IV (the name of the ship the group works out of. I think it's supposed to be a hauling vessel? Short flight probably because it doesn't have any long flight capabilities like cryosleep chambers), Renaissance Space Station (the name of the station where shit goes down, separated into two halves called Romulus and Remus)

Some interesting tidbits:

- Rain's dad FOUND Andy "in the trash" according to Bjorn. Also, Rain's dad (presumably) repaired him, wrote directives for him, and knew enough about synthetic programming to know how to alter their personality. Or maybe he just straight up told Andy "hey memorize this book of dad jokes" and Andy was functional but just as glitchy when they found him.

- Jackson is fucked, btw. With all of those facehuggers that fell into the colony the odds are that at least one of them survived and, as Andy himself said, they are "busy little creatures". I wonder if there will be future mentions to a destroyed Jackson colony?

- The scene with Kay sort of quietly sneaking through the hallway with the orange lighting looked SO MUCH like the alien from alien: isolation, with the flared fingers and all. Am I the only one that made that connection?? Was it a connection at all lmao??? It's all I can think abt each time I see that gif.

- Tyler's actor was fucking incredible. I missed a lot of the hard hitting scenes the first time but goddamn. The tear while Kay is screaming and they are trying to be quiet? Begging andy ON HIS KNEES to open the door to save Kay? The way he's like numbly denying what he just saw saying "okay, okay. I'll just go and get her" after Kay gets taken. very good shit

- Rook says "I discovered the genome" as in HE specifically discovered it. I just thought that was interesting that he attributed it to himself. I wonder if he was in charge and had human assistants (interesting implications there to the importance of synthetics to WY's scientific structure) or if HE was the "assistant" (bc he's a synth) and yet was the one who discovered it and, probably regardless of what the human scientists believe, takes the merit of the discovery.

- It seems like WY synthetics are STRONGER than xenomorphs. Andy pried open a closing station door and held up the elevator in two scenes, both of which had moments where a xenomorph tried to do the same thing and failed or was not able to do it as effortlessly as he had. Maybe I'm reading into the movie magic too much but I was VERY interested in that.

Questions!!! (most of these probably do not have answers yet, which is okay, but some of you have encyclopedic knowledge of alien lore lol so I just wanted to try)

1. Is Rain under 18?? I didn't catch the info on the screen when Rain was talking to the WY rep about her quota but I can't understand why they would ask that if she was over 18. Why would it matter? Was it maybe just because she had family listed on her account or something?

2. WHY are there "quotas" and contracts? What are THEY (the workers) getting out of it? Are they prisoners? Are they colonists that didn't realize what the fuck they were signing on to do? Was Rain born on the colony? They said that it was Rain and Andy's first time in space, so probably, right?

3. Does a xenomorph grow in the chambers of the heart? I sort of figured because it went down the throat that it grew in the stomach, but it seemed like (thru the gore at least) the xenomorph was incubating and burst from the chambers of the heart. I may have misidentified the organs though lol, or maybe Navarro's heart just straight up was In The Way.

4. Do WY androids have the same heat signature as a human? If so, why? It is way too much a coincidence to build an android with a 98.6 ambient temperature. If they do NOT have the same heat signature, why didn't the facehuggers react to andy? They reacted to the flare despite it being non-organic, so I thought they would've reacted to him in some way at least, or had some sort of scene with them crawling all over andy like spiders trying to see if he was organic and then treating him like furniture when they realized he wasn't (missed opportunity cause that would've been a really freaky shot lol)

5. Why did Kay touch her breast after she had "given birth"? Was she lactating the genome? I tried to pay very close attention bc I missed it the first time too but I don't know what they were trying to insinuate there. It seemed too sticky to be the genome.

[sleepyfan-blog]

Questions

Author’s note: A third fic for Nadesir! Previous. Next

Tagged: @egrets-not-regrets

Warnings: none! Please ask me to tag if you find something squicky or triggering

Summary: You ask about those strange teal marines. What you get is a peek into Astartes Internal Politics. 

"Vanya... Who were those strange marines? Please tell me why you've been hovering so closely, as of the past three months. It's not as if those shape-shifting marines have been back... Right?" You ask, staring up at your Night Lord, resisting the urge to put your hands on your hips or cross your arms over your chest defensively. Currently you were in the break room of the hospital you'd been working at, with him as your own personal - if very large - shadow. When he wasn't off on a hunt, he'd decided to stick to your side as if you'd disappear if he didn't see you all the time.

"... I still go on hunts. We aren't together all the time." Vanya pointed out, a small pout on his lips that you refused to think of in the moment as endearing. His wings shifted and flexed against his back a little, and you noted the way that his claws extended and sheathed themselves. You silently wonder if he's aware he's doing that, or if it was a nervous tic. You wanted to know why he - and every other marine in town - had been so stressed. No one was able to get them to talk about it,a nd it was beyond frustrating and worrying. 

"Yeah. As if I wouldn't notice the Salamanders or Ultramarines lurking in my bushes when you're gone. None of you did this before those teal marines showed up, so why? Who are they?" You press. You stand up and make your way over to where he's standing - leaning against one corner of the room, eyes on the windows and the door into the room. You gently take one of his large hands in both of yours, running your fingers over his knuckles and tracing the lines of his palms "You've mentioned that we're bonded... That makes us partners, right?"

"I... Yes. We are bonded. I will protect and care for you for as long as I am able." Vanya responded, his free hand reaching up to cup your face, and gently rubbing his thumb across one of your cheeks. "Never doubt your safety while you are with me... Please." His voice broke a little on that last word, and you could see tears in his midnight black eyes.

"Oh... Vanya. Of course I trust you." You murmur, going up on your tiptoes to give him a kiss on the shoulder - the highest part of him that you could reach without him bending over or you finding something to climb on. "I just want to know what's going on. Why. and I'm not the only one who wants to know why my partner's acting as if we're going to be invaded at any moment. The bright yellow space marines building defensive structures all over town isn't in the least bit subtle. Nor are the steel grey and hazard striped marines trapping the roads in and out of town. What's going on? We want to be able to help! Or at least understand why all of you are preparing for what feels like war."

Vanya flinched a little at the mention of war. He stares into your eyes intently for several moments before letting out a long, deep sigh. "The teal marines are members of the Alpha Legion. They are dangerous, not just because they are Astartes, but because of their... Specific skillset and abilities. They are spies, saboteurs. Social engineers - but unlike the Blueberry Boyscouts who maximize the efficiency of everything around them in order to ensure the optimal happiness of everyone around them - the only ones aware of why and what their goals are is the Alpha Legion themselves... And most likely, their -" He abruptly stopped talking, ducking his head a little. 

You were about to ask more about this Alpha Legion when one of the Space Marine Apothecaries (their equivalent to doctors) came walking in. He was in his primarily white armor, with some green. It was a darker shade of green than salamanders' wore, and the emblem on his pauldron was different. Instead of a drake's head, it was a sword pointed down, with a pair of wings coming out from the hilt of the blade. Two dark green and black painted Astartes followed after him, followed by a chaplain of the same chapter. You didn't recognize the legion emblem, but it was very clear to you that Vanya did.

Vanya scooped you up and tucked you behind him, his wings wrapping around you tightly. You could feel him trembling slightly. He began talking in Gothic - the language that all Space marines spoke (at least in the area you lived in) - very rapidly. He'd been teaching you the language, but you could only pick out a few words "Why." and "You." and "Here." but that was far from the only thing he'd said.

One of the dark green marines began to speak, the bass rumble demanding attention. You caught the words "Legion." and "Reseach." but his accent was very different from Vanya's, making it more difficult for you to begin to understand what he was saying. "Vanya, what's going on?" You ask, gently touching one of his wings to get his attention after the strange marine stopped talking.

Vanya flinches under your touch. "Interrogator Chaplain wants to talk to us. I don't know why he's here. I don't want him here. I've told him that unless I'm being arrested, I refuse to speak to him or his brothers without Captain Urar or two of his lieutenants present."

"... Why would these marines be the ones arresting you? I've never seen them before." You ask. You'd also like to know why he might be getting arrested, but that's a different kettle of fish to fry later. 

"They're Dark Angels." Vanya says, as if that's supposed to mean anything to you. It really does not, but you can tell that this is Not The Time to ask clarifying questions about strange astartes. "Is there any way I can help? I do have my phone." You are barely whispering, but are well aware of just how sensitive Space Marines' hearing is. 

"Please text one of your coworkers who is bonded... To an Ultramarine. I think they have a better relationship to the first than Salamanders do." Vanya responds. He isn't making much sense, but hopefully he will explain once this situation is dealt with.

You nod and text Melody [Four Dark Angels - including someone called an Interrogator Chaplain according to Vanya are in the break room. Can you send Arrios and Vitius in here to help? Vanya's scared :(]

The bass-voiced space marine spoke again, this time you could clearly understand him "Night Lord Raptor, you will set down the human you are currently holding in your wings and come with us. We'd like to talk to you about your encounter with a squad of Alpha Legionnaires."

"... There isn't much to tell, chaplain." Vanya countered, and you could tell he was trying very hard not to sound as worried as he was to these strangers "As I informed Captain Urar months ago, I was headed back to the home I share with my bonded - who I am currently holding and she has not asked me to put her down, so I won't - after hunting some of the... I believe they are called elk? and was carrying the elk I had killed home in order to dress the body and prepare the meat and bones for consumption when I heard her speaking to someone who was using a copy of my own voice. I dropped the deer and sprinted to her side at full speed, calling for assistance as I had noted the tracks of more astartes around our home territory and knew that none of the local astartes would tread so close to our home and not be in easy sight line so as not to provoke a misunderstanding. I found an alpha legionnaire pretending to be myself and drove him out of the house. Two squads of flamer-wielding Salamanders chased them into the woods."

"You did not hunt down the Alpha Legionnaire for invading your home territory and pretending to be yourself to your bonded?" Bass asked, sounding equal parts skeptical and surprised.

Your phone buzzed. You read the text from Melody [Vitius and Arrios are on their way. ETA 1 minute. Any bloodshed?]

That didn't help your nerves at all. Thanks Melody! You think sarcastically as you text her back [None yet. Four against one aren't good odds, even if Vanya can fly. Though he's currently wrapped me up in his wings.]

"I was focused on making sure that my bonded felt safe in our home and securing the internal perimeter. I have been working alongside the other tracker-trained astartes who live here to try and find the Snakes hiding in the woods, but, as you should well know, trying to find a hiding alpha legionnaire is about as easy as catching smoke in high winds when they don't want to be found. I do not know if anyone else has had run-ins with these particular shapeshifters, you'd need to request information from the acting chapter master." Vanya answered, his wings tightening a little further around your body, though his shaking had slowed down a little.

"... And the acting chapter master is...? Do you recognize him as your chapter master, and all that entails, Night Lord?" Bass-y Astartes asked. 

Vanya's answer came after a long pause "The acting chapter master of this town is Captain Urar... And if you insist on knowing the answer to the second question..."

"I do." Bass pressed.

"... I do recognize captain Urar as my chapter master, while l live in this area. In this time." Vanya responded, voice quiet but steady. 

"Interrogator Chaplain Sariel, is there a particular reason why you and your... Brothers have deigned to grace this hospital with your presence? None of you are injured." The familiar and welcome voice of Apothecary Arrios called out, sounding equal parts annoyed and exasperated. "And I know for a fact that there aren't any injured Dark Angels being tended to in this hospital."

"We have been tracking the movements of several different alpha legionnaire squads in this region. When I noted that one of the more influential squads came here I brought my brothers to investigate why they came here." Bassy responded with a small huff in his voice.

"Well if you figure that out, please do tell the rest of us. As far as any of us can figure, the damned snakes decided to try and steal one of our bonded humans for the entertainment value. If you have any more questions, please direct them to captain Urar or Lieutenant Dexrial, who are our acting Chapter master and first captain respectively. Please stop badgering random members of our rag-tag community without warning, it's stressful for everyone involved." Vitius interjected, also sounding annoyed and mildly bored. 

"... Fine, although I will remind you of just how dangerous allowing traitors in your midst is. Good day, brother apothecaries." Bass growled. 

You could hear the sounds of several astartes leaving the room. Vanya did not put you down.

"How are you holding up?" Arrios asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"I am unharmed. Your arrival was quite timely." Vanya murmured. You could hear the gratitude in his voice. 

"Good! Throne, this is getting more annoying by the week. First hydras trying to steal our dear humans away, now a throne-cursed Dark Angel Interrogator Chaplain and his goon squad here. Fuck! I was hoping to avoid this kind of nonsense when my human decided to move to a town of this size. See you around." Arrios called out, before you could hear another set of astartes sized footsteps leaving.

"You sure you're alright?" Vitius asked after several moments had passed.

"Yes, I'm fine. A little off-balance from one of them showing up unexpectedly, but nothing I cannot handle." Vanya responded. "... Tell my bonded's boss that she's coming home early with me. I... I need to keep her close. Keep her safe in our nest. She really doesn't like it when I growl at her patients."

Vitius answered "Of course. Captain Urar's likely going to want to talk to you, when you're ready to handle that."

"I... I know. It's... I will." Vanya responded, his wings curling a little tighter around you.

You gently rub his wings, hoping that the touch is grounding for him. You'd like to protest that you'd like to finish the rest of the work day... But Vanya is still shaking, and he sounds so vulnerable. If extra cuddles is what he needs to calm down, extra cuddles are something you're happy to offer him.

"Thank you, Cousin." Vitius murmured. "Take care."

"I will." With that Vanya, still holding you, walked out of the hospital. You wiggled a little, but all that provoked was a small, anxious whine from your Night Lord, so you stayed still until he eventually put you down, wings unfurling from around your body.

You weren't surprised to find that he'd taken you home. You smile gently up at him and ask "Hug?"

"Hug." He agrees, once again picking you up as his strong arms wrap around you. He buried his face in your shoulder, breathing in deeply as you ran your fingers through his long black hair.

[neteyamyawne]

Same anon with the two Jake x Reader x Neytiri ideas for the 1st one I like that you did where quaritch had the reader and they saved the reader and thats how they kinda build back their relationship and for the 2 nd one where reader dies I imagined reader being lo’ak and tuk’s mama and if you wanted to you could include her funeral. Sorry I didn’t add this earlier my thoughts were kinda scrabbled

A/n : this is a lot of angst ive written, plus I've cried multiple times writing this 🙂 idk I'm just an emotional fool, anyways i hope y'all like it, i loved these requests.

Kxitx ✦

Pairing : Jake x reader x Neytiri

Summary : 2. Of request and above request

Song : space song

Angst ✦

❈ Warning : major death, angst, crying, mourning, self blaming, blood, hurt not comfort etc lmk if more.

❈ Word count : 3.1k proof read

❈ Note : idk why I wrote something like this, like it hurts me to even read it also it's like a half fic, half headcanon 😂

"word" - dialogue

❈ Glossary : ma'itan - my son, ma'evi - my child, muntxate - female mate/wife, tiyawn - love, yawne - beloved.

You sank down under the water, your breath coming out short as a bright pain bloomed in your chest, Neteyam turned looking at you, both his and lo'ak's eyes widened at the blood pooling around you, you got above the surface, your face twisting in pain as you said "I'm- I'm shot" sinking below again but Lo'ak immediately pulled you on his ilu, Neteyam helped you settle on it, Tsireya was trailing behind as they made their way towards the stony island, you held onto lo'ak's hand as you spoke "ma' itan, i see you ma'evi" he shook his head in disbelief, not wanting to say goodbye just yet, making his ilu ride even faster than before, your eyelids feel heavy but you fought the urge to close them "mama, please don't close your eyes, we're nearly there, dad will know what to do! Please just keep your eyes open, please" his voice pleading, almost begging you, Neteyam was horrified as much as Lo'ak, he was hardly processing the fact, he couldn't imagine a world without you, reaching the island, Jake stood mortified at the sight of you bleeding, his two sons immediately hauling you over and he bent down to help them "careful watch her head, Watch her HeAd!" They gently laid you down, a fit of cough bubbled up in your chest, spitting out blood, Jake stilled, his heart sinking down and down per minute, he quickly got on your side, lifting your injured side looking at your back, There…. The exit wound. "shit, no" laying you back down, a hand on your cheek as you grabbed his wrist "ma'Jake, i-" he voice wavered as he spoke, tears lined his eyes "no, please, you can't" you smiled, giving him a reassuring pat even in your final moments the only thing on your mind was your family, your lungs constricting with the passing second, before you could say anything Neytiri landed near you, Lo'ak was putting pressure on your wound, chanting to eywa to keep you alive, Neteyam was trying not to cry while grabbing your hand but you knew, this was it, your time as come.

Neytiri sat down near your thigh, taking your hand from Neteyam, while he sat near your legs, Neytiri's heart dropping to her feet at your sight, tears almost already falling down her eyes, looking at Jake for information but he shook his head looking down, not being able to make eye contact with her, "No, no no no, please great mother" her voice was barely above a whisper, your felt a pang through your chest, you knew if you didn't speak now, you'd never get a chance to again, ever, with great difficulty you finally spoke "tell tuk, i love her, so so much, i love you too Lo'ak and 'teyam, I'm sorry i won't get to see you all grown u-" you coughed, more blood spilling out, your breaths puffing up, hastily grabbing onto Neytiri's and Jake's arm, your eyes Frantic as you spoke your final sentences "tell Kiri, I'll give her greetings to grace, take care of them for me, you all have been my whole world – Jake, tiri, you brou- brought the whole wor- world to me, my loves, I can't thank you enough — ma'Jake, ma'Neytiri, I se- see-" your hand slipped from their arms, the last of the exhale leaving your mouth, body going limp, eyes dilating, lips still frozen in forming the next word.

Neytiri's wailed sounded throughout the space as Jake leaned his head against yours, tears flowing down his cheeks, Lo'ak sat in shock, immovable, he didn't want to believe his mama is gone, forever, your hand still in his, Neteyam shook your leg lightly as if you'd wake up from this cruel slumber, spider watched from afar tears rolling down his own cheeks, Neytiri pulled your head against her chest, her cries shattering Jake's heart, your body was growing cold now, Jake had no choice but to get up, taking Neytiri with him, he still had his daughters to save, Neytiri looked at him with hollow eyes, nothing but sorrow filled in them, his throat constricted as he spoke "we have get our girls back, strong heart Ney, strong heart!" His voice broke in the end, but Neytiri turned around, climbing on her ikran as it roared taking off, Jake turned to take one last look at your body before walking away too.

Back at the rock after battle :

Jake :

He watched as your body laid still, not one moment, his mind numb, silent tears falling down his eyes but he did not bother to wipe them.

Holding your hand close to him, begging any god who'd listen to bring you back, to take him instead but just give you back to him.

He did not speak a word, silently taking in your features, remembering them for one last time.

He blamed himself for not being there to protect you, he made a promise to be there for you, to cherish you, but there you were, a promise so broken, a promise he failed to keep.

He quitely traced the freckles on your face, the ones that glowed so bright with your smile, the freckles he loved so much, the patterns reminding him if the constellations, he could stare at them for hours on end, but he only has a few minutes till it all disappears

Caressing your face, as memories of your laughter, giggles, frowns and pouts flooded his mind, it was torture to relive the memories.

Your smile of pure happiness when Lo'ak was born, even after hours of pain and exhaustion dawning over you, you held your son like he'd disappear if you didn't hold him tight enough, Jake could never forget that day either as you almost broke his wrist during the labor but he wasn't complaining as you endured much worse than that.

He let go of your hand, Missing the sensation immediately but stopped himself from grabbing it again, walking back towards the edge of the rock as he finally let the weight of your death crash down on him, breaking down, sobs wrecking his body, he let everything out.

Neytiri :

Her wails could be heard throughout the ocean as she held your head close to her chest again. Crying for her beloved mate, her loving muntxate, her mind wasn't ready to accept it.

Clutching you close, begging your corpse to speak just once but there was no response, cursing and begging eywa to give you back to her.

Your blood coated her body but she didn't care, she couldn't breathe between her sobs, couldn't let go of you, not like this, you promised her forever, now you left her nothing but memories, memories that were once so real now just mere thoughts.

She smiled at the thought of the first time she held tuk in her arms, they almost lost you that day too, tuk did come out but not without complications,you were under observation for more than five days, even Jake was shaken up.

She stared at the necklace you always wore around your neck, never once removing it, given by her, the first mating gift she made for you, Neytiri's heart breaking even more as it laid so lifeless, no longer filled from your love.

Holding your hand once again, the once soft and warm skin now felt cold and rough, bringing it to her cheek, letting the sensation of it seep deep within her, making herself remember it for good, never in her life she thought she'd be so unlucky to see this day.

Her cries not turning into mumbled sighs, leaning down, kissing your forehead for one last time, gathering enough courage to bid you the last goodbye.

With trembling hands she removed your song chord from your braid, the beads and trinkets woven into it, tinkled against each other, she passed a hand through your braids, remembering how you begged her to do your hair because 'she does it better' she'd laugh but your persuasion would win in the end

The beads in your hair seem dull now, no longer holding the meaning behind them, as if you took it with you, leaving behind just the meaningless pebbles and shells.

Neytiri closed her eyes, not even close to readied to let you go, it physically pained her to move on, but Jake pulled her back, to let your body be taken back to awa'atlu, her mind so engrossed in you she didn't even notice the metkayina warriors behind her.

Trying her best to keep the composure but failed when you were finally taken away from her.

Neteyam :

He was shaken to his core, you were his safe person, the one he could confess his deepest secret to and would not be judged for it.

Without you who'd listen to him? He listened to everyone but you were the only one who heard his problem intently, the only one who actually saw him, but you were gone, forever, so far away from him.

Tears wouldn't stop running down his face, even after he harshly wiped them off, to not show his weakness, they still slided down his face.

He sat near your feet, sniffling hard, wiping his nose as he sobbed for you, all his happy memories included you, there is no time in his life that he didn't spend without you.

He loved your hugs, when Jake used to be a little too hard, your hugs calmed him down, your words a soothing feeling as he used to sleep in your arms, maybe sometimes lo'ak snuggled in but the attention was always on him.

Who'd hug him now? Comfort him like you did? He was not ready for this, for you to go away so suddenly, he needed you, you were his rock, you grounded him, how could he be ready for something like this?

He lightly grazed his hand over your knee, wanting to wake up from this cruel nightmare, all hopes of you waking up vanishing slowly, as you laid there as if you were sleeping.

He got up, standing beside Jake as he pulled him in for a hug, not bearing to look back at you, eyes fixated on the ground as Neteyam sobbed in his father's arms, finally accepting the fact that you're gone forever.

Lo'ak :

He stared at your blood on his hands, not having the courage to face you, how could he live without you not by his side?

Sobs never came out, tears never fell down but his heart broke into a million pieces, too shocked to respond.

He bent down, connecting his forehead with yours as his voice was barely over a whisper "I'm sorry, mama, don't leave me like this, I need you with me, please, I'm so sorry" the words becoming softer and softer until they were barely heard.

He couldn't breathe properly, everything was crumbling down, you were his world, his mama, how was he supposed to live without you?

You were the one who saved him from Jake's scolding and Neytiri's glare, you were his safe space, his best friend, the person who would listen to his every banter, who would do that now?

He blamed himself for everything, if he didn't ask to save spider then you'd be still alive, alive beside him, hugging him, kissing his forehead like you always did, making sure if he was okay! But now he sat alone, inconsolable.

He sobbed finally as he couldn't take it anymore, finally as the barriers broke, Tsireya holding him tightly, he couldn't help but think that it should have been him, it should be him lying in your place, you deserved better than this.

He fell apart in Tsireya's arms, crying like he never did before, his wails so deep it rattled the ones sitting beside him, letting out everything but in its place now laid an empty void, filled with nothing but despair.

His mom is gone, he'll never have his favorite dish made by you, you'll never hold him in your arms when he is sad, you were gone, somewhere so far away that he couldn't reach.

Kiri :

Kiri sat with tuk in her arms, even if you weren't her biological mom, you treated her like your own, spoiling her with her favorite things every time she felt low, braiding her hair just how she liked, never once complaining if she gave you some attitude.

You'd accompany her everytime she visited Grace, never letting go of her hand when she watched the video logs again and again.

Always letting her know how loved she was, you were her mom too, just like Neytiri, your bond so unique.

You understood her connection with eywa, giving her guidance over how well she could maintain it.

If she felt like the day was just not good, she'd make a beeline to you even if it was middle of the night and wrap your arms around her without a word, Letting her know you're there for her.

Sitting by the edge her tears were uncontrollable, she hugged tuk tightly as memories flooded her mind but none seemed to comfort her right now.

Slowly, as there were no tears left to she'd, she stopped crying only relishing in your memories as she stared at you in your last moments.

Tuk :

She sat in her older sister's arms, not knowing what was happening, her mama was lying down, to her she was sleeping but ohh how she misunderstood it.

She struggled in her sister's arms, finally getting out, she made her way to you, sitting by your side, shaking your arm to wake you up but you never did.

When Jake saw her sitting beside you, he immediately picked her up, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, her lower lip wobbling as she spoke "daddy, why isn't mama waking up?" he was left speechless, what was he supposed to say?

He said with as much as steadiness he muster "mama, is resting sweetheart, she is resting with eywa now, you'll see her again one day, now she's gonna sleep for a long while, she's tired you know?"

Tuk nodded but she knew something was wrong but her little mind couldn't process it, in that moment she just cried in her father's neck for a while before drifting off in her dreams.

The Funeral :

Your body was wrapped in the brown leather, pulling your limbs closer to your torso, as it laid in the raft that was pulled by an ilu guided by Jake, your hair beautifully done by Neytiri for the last time, the beads in your hair representing each of your family members, the whole village stood by watching as the sully's silently brought your body to the center, letting the raft float for a while, as Jake got down from the ilu and they circled around it, tuk gently touched your face floating beside Kiri, Lo'ak sniffed trying not to cry, Neteyam helped spider stay afloat, Neytiri wore your necklace, the one she gifted to you, the traditional metkayina attire draping over her head, her face twisting in pain as she looked at your peaceful features, Jake stared at your face taking you all in for the last time, the flower petals slipped into the sea water as the raft was dipped down, your body shifting down with it, slowly making you afloat, Jake and Neytiri took deep breaths, readying themselves for the dive, finally with one last glance at each other they dunk you in, taking you down near the glowing yellow plants, with one light push the plant enveloped you in their tiny arms, like a golden blanket overlapping eachother to keep you warm in your sleep, Lo'ak saw from above as a sob bubbled up his chest, but still watched until he was dragged away by Neteyam. The eldest son crying himself, still he held onto the useless hope of you returning back.

Lo'ak stared at the glowing plants that held you, your body completely invisible, if he didn't know better it almost looked like there's nothing. Jake and neytiri got up to the surface, the family hugged each other with one member less now.

The sorrow of the family was unmatched, the metkayinas gave their condolences but it wouldn't bring you back though. Soon it was time to visit the spirit tree, to bond with it and forever be recognised as metkayina.

Jake's memory of you : (with neytiri)

You sat near the edge of the lake,the lake where you, Jake and neytiri visited every week, just some alone time for the three of you, legs dangling, feets in the water, splashing it once or twice, your hands busy as you weaved the shawl for Jake, you had made it your mission to make him a new one as the old one was…. Well old!

You were startled when Jake sat beside you quietly, startled was an understatement, he nearly gave you a heart attack. He chuckled when you hit his arm, your laughter music to his ears "Great mother! Jake, you scared me." He just nudged you, his eyes falling onto the fabric in your hand "what are you making, tiyawn?" Your smile made his heart melt as you said "I'm making a shawl for you ma'jake, the old is too short for you" tears pricked his eyes, grabbing the shawl in his hand, swiping at the soft material, a tear falling down on it. You looked up at him confused, why was his crying? Is this not what he wanted? "Ma'jake, why are you crying? You don't like the shawl? Is there something wrong with it?" Your voice full of concern, while he shook his head lightly, he answered, almost a whisper as he brought his hand to my cheek, another tear falling down his face "No, no- *sigh* I'm just happy to see you, yawne" you smiled at his words, relieved he didn't dislike the shawl, you said "I'm happy to see you too, ma'jake", while you were far away from knowing the truth.

Neytiri watched from a distance, fingers lightly covering her lips, tears of her own sliding down the curve of her cheek, walking up to both of you, you immediately pulled her down to sit beside you, Jake and neytiri both shared a glance at each other, while you snuggled in neytiri's side, you sigh "it's nice isn't it? I'd die to stay in this moment forever!" Jake stared at you, his heart broke all over again ; only if you knew, in the end he pulled you both in a tight hug, while you giggled in between them, both Jake and Neytiri savored the moment until the last second,as soon they wouldn't be able to do it again.

Jake didn't realize how time passed and with a heavy heart he disconnected his queue from the tree, opening his eyes atlast…

Yawne : @fanboyluvr, @callmeoncette, @lu-the-ghost-reader, @brisbriskett, @saltedcoffeescotch, @ducks118, @itscheybaby, @jackiehollanderr, @zoetrope1997, @yeosxxx, @persefolli, @im-in-a-pansexual-panik, @theycallmesia, @elijangwifey, @erosthefae, @murderbirbdany, @killua2dot0, @ilovechickenwings, @kylobensgirl, @darling-imobsessed, @majathepapaya, @sweetirilly, @reinap06, @neteyamforlife, @thatgirljas13, @totesnothere04, @arminsgfloll.

©Neteyamyawne2023 | All Rights Reserved. Do not repost on other platforms, copy, steal, or translate any of my works!

[appleballad]

I don't use twitter much anymore (since I got suspended for no reason lol) but I just wanna talk about the /morston bashing/.... It is unbearable on that app. People give the most asinine reasons why shipping morston or really anything that they personally dislike makes you morally corrupt in real life and deserving of harassment. It's really repetitive atp and I roll my eyes at it but all these years later and it's still very much prevalent.

So out of fear of being cancelled there is a severe lack of discourse and in-depth analysis surrounding John/Arthur's dynamic... and vandermorgan too, don't get me started on that.... Everyone loses their hair over a mildly "problematic" fictional relationship. Bunch of fake fujoshis.

It's always selective outrage, depending on what the majority in a certain fandom decides to like and hate on because most claims that deem ships problematic have actually no validity to them.

Take me back to the good old days when it was perfectly normal to fangirl over even the most obscure crack ship. When fiction was just fiction and not a reflection of your morals and political identity.

It's the same with liking villain characters. "you can't like this character!! bc he's EVIL!1!! he did this nd that ur just as evil for liking them you deserve to be tortured and stoned to death blah blah blah"

How utterly boring, and again it doesn't apply to every morally grey character. It hinges on the opinion of which character/ship the majority in a particular fandom elect to unequivocally bully

It's entirely subjective policing, which is absolutely ridiculous. Where do you actually draw the line?

I say if you are unable to engage with fiction on a level that's separate and disconnected from reality, if morally grey fiction corrupts your very soul and compels you act and behave in indecent ways, you should stop consuming it entirely.

Stick to your children's fables, kid.

None of this has any affect on my love for morston, in fact it strengthens it LOL. Shipping morston becomes almost like an act of defiance.

I'm grateful that at least on Tumblr and other spaces I can enjoy the fan art, fanfics or comics and knowing someone out there is raging and seething at the sight of it is kinda hilarious so it makes it all the more enjoyable. It's when they decide to feign moral superiority and launch their sheep following to attack and harass you with their nasty words wishing actual death on you irl, that is when it does get under my skin. That is just too far. But I think that is a reasonable reaction for me to have.

[ingravinoveritas]

You've probably got a thousand things to say about the latest "The Kiss" info, but I have been thinking about it all morning, especially about the way there seems to be no need to acknowledge it between the two of them. They just went for it, and then they didn't feel the need to talk about it. Idk about everyone else but to me that just feels like to them, this was just a kiss among perhaps many. They knew the song and dance around it already, so there was no need to mark it as different other than it being in characters rather than out of.

But those are just my thoughts. So excited to hear about yours if you have any :3

Hi there! Oh, yes…yes, I do have so many thoughts about Michael talking about the kiss, and The Assembly in general.

Something I'm not sure I've mentioned on here (at least not in a long time) is that five years ago (in June of 2019), I wrote a thread on Twitter about fanfic and why it was so important to me as an autistic woman, as well as the role it played when I began to discover my sexuality. I received a lovely comment from Neil, and on top of that, Michael reposted it from me, which was entirely unexpected but delightful.

So when I first heard about The Assembly, I was anxious, apprehensive, and uncomfortable--mainly because of how the autistic/ND interviewers would potentially be depicted on screen. By the end of the show, however, I was in tears--and for once, in a good way. Michael did not let me down for one single second (which I did not think he would), and I loved how he and everyone else just held space for each other during the group singalong to "Here Comes the Sun."

(The only thing I haven't liked is seeing some of the response on social media that suggests Michael did an extraordinary thing just by talking to autistic/disabled people like we are human beings. It shouldn't be special when he or anyone else does that, but it's depicted that way because it is unfortunately still so rare...)

In terms of Michael talking about the kiss with David, it was of course so lovely to see his expressions and listen to him talk about what it was like. For me it was the fact that he actually didn't say that much that was so revealing. It was perfectly in line with what was reported about what Michael said a month ago, about it being "everything you dream of." With the Assembly, we could now see and hear him talking about it and that same carefulness with which he gave the previous answer--a carefulness borne not out of wanting to hide something, but wanting to keep something about the kiss private. Just for him and David.

I also feel like some folks might have misunderstood what he meant when he said, "We never talk about it," though. I think the unspoken part after that is, "We never talk about it, not because we don't want to, but because we don't need to"...

And I agree with you that it was exactly that--one kiss out of many, something so tried and true that neither David nor Michael had to give it much thought. It also makes me think of previous discussions about comments from David about how, between the sunglasses and the contact lenses for Crowley, he couldn't see shit, yet he only needed one take to find Michael's lips. It's like needing a GPS when you drive someplace new, but then it quickly becomes familiar, and after a while you don't need anyone to tell you how to get there. Because you already know the way home.

Talking about the kiss like this almost gives a feeling of domesticity, of something deeply intimate, beyond the physical. I'm thinking of it as well in tandem with David's comments from prior to the BAFTAs, about it being "another day at work" and saying that Michael had "brushed his teeth." There are so many examples from movies or TV shows where a couple wakes up in bed together in the morning and when one person goes in for a kiss, the other stops them and says "Not until you've brushed your teeth" (or something to that effect). And it just makes me picture them getting up to film that day and sharing a good morning kiss, after which David gently reminds Michael to brush his teeth before he gets to the set. (And he does, because Michael never forgets anything David tells him.)

The last thing that I wanted to mention that stood out to me was Michael talking about how moved everyone was--both the people who watched the kiss be filmed on set, and the fans who watched it in the show. You could actually hear the way his voice caught in his throat, hear him become emotional just from remembering that. And it made me think back to when GO 2 came out last summer, in the midst of the Writers Strike (and then SAG-AFTRA) and how Michael was probably reading all of the fan reactions online and feeling very much the same way, even though he couldn't say anything about it.

So it becomes even more poignant and compelling that now, when he finally can say anything he wants at all about the kiss, he gives us so little. Or maybe just enough, with a small, knowing smile on his face. Because he's found a boy he likes, and he has his photo.

Those are my thoughts on Michael talking about the kiss on The Assembly. I know it's been a week now, but hopefully everyone has had time to process it too, so I'd love to hear what you all think. Thank you for writing in! x